#I started being on Tumblr in 2020 and now it's been four years.

[revrevrew-writblr]

About Me

Hey Guys it's been a while since I started this tumblr account. I have some updates to the rules of my page:

I'm cool with spicier scenes but I will still not be writing sex (it doesn't suit my fancy but definitely not kink shaming ;)

I cooler with cussing. A shit ton cooler.

I'll probably use more he/she pronouns in my stories (I won't forget about my non-binary friends tho!).

Feel free to make asks or write continuations to any of the stories I've written (tag me so I can see it! :). I want to see creativity in a different way than mine!

I won't entertain rude criticisms but I am always open to humanized feedback.

[ashtcnirwin]

🌻

[evermore-fashion]

Did I make a mistake?

As you're all well aware of I said goodbye to my blogs and Tumblr thinking my decision was final. However after reading all your wonderful messages I started to have doubts about my decision. So for the last few weeks I've been trying to pinpoint why I thought I had fallen out of love with high end fashion as well as Tumblr itself and the answer has been in front of my face for the best part of four years. A broken down friendship that has been plaguing my mental health… until recently and I'm going to finally explain why. I had a best friend for the best part of 15 years that went downhill both slowly and unexpectedly. We met on a forum back in 2005 and hit it off instantly. We then met up and went on various holidays, attended concerts together, did mini weekend breaks away and got to know each other's families really well. More importantly they were the only person in my life who knew about this blog and shared my love for high end fashion. Like most friendships though it had its ups and downs but no matter what we always gravitated back towards one another, until March 2020. A week or so before COVID and lockdown took hold of our lives they told me they had met someone. I was genuinely happy for them, except for the fact they had let slip that I was the last person to know. This broke my heart and their trust as they continued to let slip more details that indicated that I was being pushed out in favour of a new crowd (aka university friends who they had told me they disliked a few months beforehand) alongside their new partner. They stayed with their partner on and off throughout COVID and I was either pushed out the door or let back in depending on their relationship status. The relationship came to an end for good towards the end of 2022 and as always I was let back into their life with plans for 2023 being made. However I held back knowing the hurt it would cause me if things suddenly changed again. This was also my breaking point with them as I wanted to protect my heart from anymore hurt, and I believe this is where my love for creativity began to faulter. Whilst I found my love for gaming I felt this mental block around Evermore-Fashion and Evermore-Grimoire which I thought was down to my passions changing. I was clearly wrong. The friendship was up and down for another six months, until last summer. They had got back in contact with me despite the fact they had started acting cold towards me which manifested in a crap Christmas and Birthday. Yet I was still willing to hear their side of the story, but it never came as they ghosted me and I haven't spoken to them since which hasn't been fun to deal with both mentally and emotionally. Although I now fully believe this is what was killing my spirit and everything I had loved for so long. Anyway fast forward to January 2024, I've said goodbye to my blogs and Tumblr when lo and behold I come across a social media post that changed everything. The ex friend had written something personal that contradicted everything they had told me (over their relationship break up) which not only angered me but it lit a fire under my butt to stop stewing in the "what ifs?" as well as holding on to a small bit of hope that they'd finally apologise for treating me like a piece of shit on the back of their shoe for so long. Not only that but I started to miss why I enjoyed being online in the first place. I checked out Vogue to see what was occurring during Paris Fashion Week and I yearned to share the Spring 2024 Couture collections on Tumblr (even though I still think it's still a toxic cesspit). Yes I could easily start this up on Wordpress or Instagram but let's face it, Tumblr is still the easiest place to start blogging creatively. So here I am. The fog surrounding my love for fashion has lifted alongside the mental and emotional baggage I've been holding on to for far too long. There's just one thing I'm still wondering though… do you guys forgive me (as I feel like I've messed you all around ) and is it okay to come back? 🥹

[gordonradiotv]

A (Long Overdue) Celebration

Ah, hello, Readers!

It's Jox again! Some of you probably knew me as "Toony" back in the day, but it's been a looong while since I used that name. And it's been a long while since this blog ended!

On May 23rd, 2020 I started this little ask blog not expecting it to become much. But because of all of you, it blew up into something absolutely incredible! I wish I had the words to describe how this blog changed my life. I met my fiance because of this blog. I met lifelong friends. I gained the confidence to pursue independent passion projects like my webcomic Tip The Ferrymen and others. It's kinda insane to think a tumblr ask blog based on the haha funny HL youtube series would've had such an impact on my life.

So, I wanted to do something to celebrate the blogs 4 anniversary! Unfortunately we are a bit late to the mark due to some wild stuff that happened earlier this year, but better late than never! But finally it is done and finally Tumblr let me actually upload these lmfao. Without further ado, I want to announce:

GordonRadioTV's Soundtrack has been FULLY remastered!

With help from my lovely creative partner and fiance @stygiuscantus , the soundtrack for this blog has been fully remastered! Now, you can experience the whole story again with a fresh coat of paint. The tracks are also available on Selene's bandcamp, they're "pay what you want" as well! If you want to support Selene's work, here's a good place to do it!

I am also aware that some of you may be disappointed that the old tracks are gone, but for extremely private reasons that I will not be disclosing I no longer feel comfortable having those tracks up on this blog. To me, this is a fresh start to a project I hold dear to my heart and allows me to experience it all over again. I have loved every moment of working with Selene and she has put so much heart and effort into this, so cheers to new beginnings!

Selene herself also wanted to say a few words, which are included here:

"Four years ago, a friend of mine linked a little blog called GordonRadioTV in one of our Discord servers. Being fixated on HLVRAI at the time, I quickly checked it out, only for it to genuinely, actually make me laugh. I think I read all of the chapters up to that point (up to 3, I think?) in one go, because it was such a novel storytelling medium to me, and I was immediately enraptured. Little did I know that this little funny Half-Life blog would quite literally change my life, introducing me to new friends, inspiring me to experiment with my own art forms, and helped me find the love of my life, to whom I now life with together and am engaged to. Whenever Jox needed a new composer, I jumped in to help on short-notice, giving myself a brief crash-course on music theory to do so. I started this project months ago in the hopes that I would get it done in time for the anniversary, but, well, making 20 tracks takes a long time. I tried to put a lot of thought and love into each track, with each character having their own instrumental motif, and even some melodic motifs (namely for Gordon and Benrey). I truly hope that all of you like it; I am honored to be a part of the legacy of something that's so important to me."

-Selene Highchurch

Thank you all for everything. I have said it a million times, and I wish I had a new way to phrase it, but this blog means so much to me. This project means so much. Your support means so much to me. These stories are mine as much as they are yours, so much of this story wouldn't have existed without your participation. Thank you for being here. Thank you for playing.

And to alter the words of a certain scientist...

You've changed my life, everyone. I'd like to think it was for the better.

I don't know whats going to happen to us once this blog is done for good, but I know I'll never forget you. I hope you won't forget me.

Well...This is where I get off.

Goodbye, Readers!

[omar-writes-stuff]

The Dr.Raspberry puzzle 🧩

Hello, it’s ya boy Omar, and as some of you may know I’ve been recently pulled back into the fandom by some of my moots from Twitt due to an insane, wild and incredible lore involving a writer I used to be obsessed with a few years back.

The following message is an ask I’ve sent RandomnessUnlimited, who i apologize since I do not know them personally but is supposedly the only person everyone mentioned to me from the doc that knows more about any of us regarding Dr.raspberry (?).

*** hi. Omar again 🌿 I was wondering, are you going to go into extreme detail and explain every single evidence of the Doc about Dr.Raspberry in your defense doc? Because now I'm getting really REALLY invested.

Ok so Dr.Raspberry joined on A03 in 2020 and immediately got to write Kaeloo bdsm porn at the age of 11. Then also made a Tumblr at the age of 11 in 2020 (even tho its against tumblr rules and verification methods) and the acc. stayed inactive for four years. Then after the drama started their first posts immediately started being all centered towards reblogging your copy pasted theories and announcements. Then they claimed that they knew the original creator of the Kaeloo server even tho you just said they were never in Stm and the creator themselves said they don't remember any 11 year olds (so someone must've told them, and who else knew of the OG creator aside from you?). Then they started defending you in every single post saying that they knew you and that they had "great experiences" with you and that you're a trustworthy and kind person. Then they made a huge announcement named "Attention Kaeloo fans" going into extreme and articulated detail about the "kretty fans" and to not engage with them even tho they were not even in the server but some friends simply kept them updated with everything (for absolutely no reason I guess? Plus why involve this poor random underage fan in private discord drama? Who was even texting this person and why???). Then their post blew up and got reblogged by you and all your friends (therefore you all agreed with this supposed 15 years old that popped out of nowhere and wasn't even involved in the server?). Then the doc came out and BAM, they're gone forever again (strange, I know). And now you're saying that you think it was a fake profile all along and that you don't know them??? After all the positive things they said about you and all the supposed "friends who kept them updated with the drama"? Now you think Dr.Raspberry is one of Jay's friends?? Just ask your sever members which one of them was it that kept Raspberry updated and involved them in the first place! Unless it was you that is…

Now here are the only two plausible options:

Raspberry was a poor elementary child deeply traumatized by pornography and that wandered through the fandom by themselves for years minding their own business until one day one of you guys from Stm approached them (fucking weird) and involved them into this crazy drama for apparently NO reason and told them every. single. detail. bout the story and always kept them updated and even exploited them by having them defend you all the time and write a huge warning paragraph about looking out for Kaetty fans and having to use IPs while it should've been YOUR responsibility as the ADULT and SERVER owner to take care of it (and possibly prevent this 15 years old to be dragged in this hell by god knows who for absolutely no reason, again, they were not part of Stm so why the hell were they even fighting so hard to protect the members and most of all, YOU). Way to go to exploit a child I guess

Raspberry was just a fake account made by a random adult who wanted to write Kaeloo porn. But then if that were the case then it would imply that they were friends with you and other members of the server who kept them updated with EVERYTHING all the time and even collaborated together to warn fans about the kretty chaos and hoe to change IPs. And you never denied any of their comments defending you or involving you. Result: you were actively friends with an adult who wrote extreme fetish Kaeloo porn for years. Or maybe it was just you all along, we don’t know.

The questions remain: who approached this person first? And why? Who kept them updated with every single detail of the drama that happened and WHY? If they were really a child not involved in the server, why put such massive responsability on their shoulders to warn fans and telling them to use fake IPs if the drama never even involved them to begin with and they didn't know all the members? Why didn't YOU do it since it was your responsibility as the owner and as an adult? And if you truly suspected it was an adult hiding behind a fake account since the beginning then why did you never publicly call them out for their porn? Why did you keep them around for so long and have them be friends with your server members (also minors)???

Can't wait to see the end result! I'm sure it's gonna be amazing, I've never been so invested in something so much before, it's very interesting ^^***

But of course, my question was deleted and left unanswered by Unlimited and i got called a “troll” for simply asking (wtf brother lol). My point is NOT to send hate or discrimination. I do NOT care about porn artists or writers, I do not care about who likes it or not, and I certainly don’t care about this fandom ever since the pandemic ended. All my autistic ass cares about is getting to the bottom of Dr.Raspberry’s identity, a cool writer that I really liked back in the day.

Now I’m sure if Unlimited is innocent and has nothing to hide they’ll have absolutely no problem in addressing all of this and answer all my questions in their “defense pages” (?). 🌿 However the answer to this dilemma is actually quite simple and easy to resolve: whoever originally approached Dr.Raspberry (supposedly a child) in the first place and decided to pull them into this drama (again, for absolutely no reason) should simply come forward and share screenshots proof of their chats or at least how they first met). If it’s true that Dr.Raspberry has been updated on every single specific and accurate detail about the server and the drama, about the original server creator (who’s name I don’t fucking remember, sorry) and even Unlimited’s personality and behavior by “some friends” (to the point of defending them in every single argument) then there should be absolutely no problem in finding those chats and sending even just one screenshot as proof.

This isn’t a good position for Unlimited, and anyone who has at least 5% of brain could easily tell that it just sounds like it was them all along, but again, it shouldn’t be right for me to point fingers unless I have even more solid proof, right?

So STM members: whoever of you has been in contact with Dr.Raspberry personally or has been updating them with the entire drama lore for the past month or has made them write warning posts and telling them about IPs (mind you, this is a 15 years old we’re talking about), please come forward and share proof of even one of your chats or how you originally met, to prove Unlimited’s innocence and and to prove that (supposedly) they are NOT the same person. Thank you all 🌿

PS. Shoutout to Dolls from Twitter and all the homies who managed to find me the lost bdsm fic on an Ao3 lost archive site. I have the pdf folder and in case anyone needs proof of the adult-like writing and I can easily link it in bio or share here (hiding it from the tag ofc).

⚠️ I do not believe in bullying, harassing, threatening and discriminating. Anyone who dares insult Unlimited or my friends from Twitter or the creators of the doc will be blocked instantly. I’m just a dude asking questions out of curiosity, if you believe my well-justified interest counts as a form of “trolling” or “harassment” then you’re definitely hiding something or are part of the problem. I do not hate against nsfw writers or artists, I do not reinforce the idea of shaming strangers online or judging others for their actions or beliefs. I just ask for somebody to shed light on this dilemma and help me find the real identity of a writer I used to look up to. Be free and have fun, Mashallah, goodbye ⚠️

[senkusphone]

@aresagainstthemachine asked so this one is for you. Video of it working at the end.

Here's the one project I am so proud of I named my entire blog after it.

Back in 2020, while I was stuck at home with few pleasant things to do, I decided to bring this contraption to life.

Only recently had I gotten into this inspiring series called Dr. Stone, and when I saw them make this device in the anime, I knew it was my divine calling to build it, for I had prior experience building circuits with vacuum tubes, an interest that was fostered greatly by my late grandfather when I was a boy. It had been because of the stories he'd tell me that I built my first crystal radio back then (which took me about 4 years of trial and error). Now, people had ''built'' the phone on youtube at least once before, but I was not satisfied with what they did, when they used parts that were too advanced and didn't even get it to transmit a voice, only to pick up radio stations. So I tried to go beyond while being as accurate as possible to the level of technology they had, I was seeking to achieve more with less

Making something that picks a radio signal is relatively easy, the challenge was making it also produce its own signal so it could truly be used as a phone (or more accurately, like a walkie talkie), and I restricted myself to use the most primitive tubes I had, the ones most similar to what old Kaseki would have made.

(Happy birthday to Kaseki by the way, February 9th) I started out using this beautiful Western Electric 262-A tube. This general purpose triode was developed around 1928 by the Bell Telephone company and one of the things it was known to be used for, was in cinema projectors to amplify the sound from the early talkie films. I think that's interesting enough to mention.

It wasn't long until my experiments showed great promise, eventually I moved on to a type 45 vacuum tube, another triode which is more powerful as a transmitter than the 262-A yet its construction is much more primitive. This tube is very similar to what Senku & Co. would've had.

I started building the definitive device, simultaneously laying a plan to combine a transmitter and receiver in the same unit using just one tube, a task that required this one part to perform four different duties (because I hadn't read the manga, and I didn't know the final unit they dispatched used two tubes instead of just one). On new year's eve at the end of 2020, the circuit was broadcasting One Small Step by Lillian Weinberg, loud and clear to a radio across the room.

You can get a recording of that in the link below as Tumblr won't let me upload it (yes I am using discord to host files, it also works for hosting images for your fanfics on Ao3, you're welcome).

The wooden circuit board was wired with homemade wires, made by cutting a sheet of copper into strips, and wrapping them in cotton and thread. A relay is used to switch the phone from receiver mode to transmitter mode with the push of a button.

Then the coils were calculated and wound, including the iconic large transmit coil

but would this coil that was made to look like the one in the series, be suitable to repeat what I had achieved in my experiments, would it resonate and produce the signal?

yes

I intended originally to have this project done before season 2 of Dr. Stone started, and put out a youtube video, but that ended up not happening. Still, the unit finally came together, and the plastic housing was a tupper with the rim cut off, painted orange and applied lettering.

By now season 2 had already ended, I believe, or it was soon to. Before I painted the case, I had to have one definitive test, to see that my creation demonstrated the functionality it promised, and now I had just the right voice to do it.

The final circuit was based on the work of radio pioneer Edwin Howard Armstrong, who was one of the fellows who invented the wireless world we know it today.

I turned the switch, and watched as the tungsten filament in the tube started glowing red. First I adjusted the receive coil and a radio station came in on the crystal earpiece, then, with a radio receiver in tune nearby, I started the sound I wanted to send over the air, and I pressed the transmit button...

It's true, it can be done. Today, there are people still alive who saw the day when the cutting edge of electronics was at this level. How far we've come from these baby steps, over such a short time.

Isn't science awesome?

I still haven't built a second unit.

[thedawningofthehour]

Joe Biden resigned as a candiate and I found out from a tumblr meme :(

Your fic makes me so happy in these times

Like I didn't want Biden to run for reelection but I hate this. The time for him to drop out was six months ago. Or he could have fucking resigned a year ago and let Harris run as the incumbent-for real, I half expected Joe to get reelected and then resign the second day, fuck off into the sunset with his dogs and cat and send us tiktoks of him sipping pina coladas on the beach. The only reason I can think of for him to be doing this is that he's about to do a bunch of shit that would tank his chances for reelection, like packing the Supreme Court or declaring a national ice cream day. Actually, no, we already have a national ice cream day, and it's...today, actually. Biden literally ended his reelection bid on National Ice Cream Day. Huh.

Anyway. I would definitely prefer for the first female president to be elected in, but clearly America isn't ready for a female president. 2016 showed us that the most qualified woman still can't beat the most unqualified man. And before you start yelling that Clinton wasn't the most qualified woman-she was practically president already. Bill Clinton's presidency is viewed very favorably, the 90s were great in the US. Hillary has always been the brains of their duo, Bill was the face-look at Hillary during any of her speeches, she is not a natural public speaker and is very uncomfortable up there. But she weathers it, she practices, and she fucking knows her stuff. In an alternate universe we're finishing up Hillary's second term. We have a liberal majority in the Supreme Court and still have RvW. RBG retired and lived the last few years of her life like the queen she was. Four people died of covid. Trump put out a book and spent some time touring conservative news outlets to whine about how oppressed he is, but he's returned to 'washed-out loser everyone ridicules' status. And we don't have that because liberals would rather sit on their hands and wait for a unicorn to come along than vote for an imperfect candidate.

"Well she's corrupt-" THEY'RE ALL CORRUPT. ANY POLITICIAN WHO MAKES IT THAT FAR IN AMERICAN POLITICS COULD HAVE ONLY GOTTEN THERE BY BEING CORRUPT. THE ONLY EXCEPTIONS ARE BERNIE AND AOC AND AOC WILL ABSOLUTELY BE SHOT WHEN SHE INEVITABLY RUNS FOR PRESIDENT. EVERYONE LEFT OF THEM HAS BEEN MURDERED BY THE CIA.

Like, for fuck's sake, yes Hillary was out for herself. She would have still ended up being a solid president, because she's fucking smart and knows that would serve her.

The whole thing with covid, it handed Trump every advantage. National crises are election gold for the incumbent, provided they don't completely fuck it. The only reason Bush won in 2004 (which was the only time a Republican won the popular vote in the last 30-some years, I might add) was because he was in office when 9/11 happened. Three years later, despite Bush still fucking up quite a bit in his response, he still benefited from being the guy who 'brought our country together' and people voted for him as an emotional response. The same would have happened in 2020. And Trump literally had it set up for him. Like, there were already plans in place to handle a pandemic, he had experts swarming in ready to take the reins and deal with this for him. Literally all he had to do was wear a mask and say "listen to my man Fauci, he knows what he's talking about." He would have gotten credit for dealing with covid. He would have gotten reelected. Even the most selfish, corrupt version of Clinton that exists in people's minds would have done that, because it would have been in her best interest.

He couldn't fucking do that. He couldn't shut his goddamn mouth, he couldn't stand to have it not be about him for five minutes. He couldn't wear a mask like a fucking adult. So many people died because he was acting like a literal toddler. And in doing so he destroyed his bid for reelection.

And now we're back here again.

I comfort myself with the knowledge that he's never won the popular vote. That he's killed much of his own base with covid. That he's old, that he has to die at some point. That the Antichrist prophecy explicitly states that the Antichrist will only be in power for three and a half years, that he'll fail at every attempt to wrestle power back. (you guys should look up the parallels from Trump to the Antichrist prophecy if you haven't already, like I'm not religious but it's actually really freaky how accurate it is) But I just...I can't do this again. I was so hoping he'd just be dead by now.

For everyone in the US who will be old enough/eligible to vote in November: for fuck's sake, VOTE. Check your state's registration laws, double and triple-check that you're registered. Vote. Vote blue. It doesn't fucking matter who the candidate is, if Trump gets back in you will never have the opportunity to vote again. People will die. And I will be fucking off to Canada or Europe. I know they got their own problems, but Jesus Christ.

And wherever you live-and this is the only time I will ever fucking say this-I would consider buying a gun if you feel comfortable doing that. I hate guns, I think the 'home defense' argument is fucking stupid, but this isn't a normal situation. No matter what the outcome of this election is, Trump's cult is going to get violent. They're cowards and will go for people they think aren't a threat. I'm not even advocating for shooting anyone, just make it look like you and your neighborhood aren't worth it. This shit's going to get a lot worse before it gets better, and we're at the point I legitimately wonder if it's ever going to get better.

[green-like-the-sky]

hello! i hate to seem impatient, but did you receive my ask about your time travel au tomtom headcanons? i'm worried that tumblr might've eaten it. thanks! ^^

BESTIE I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY tumblr didn't eat it i just forgor

ok, tomtom time travel headcanons! this is long and rambling sorry

full disclosure i started tinkering with a time travel au for them right after i read The Mirror and the Light, so back in 2020(!). Since I got back into Wolf Hall recently, I decided to pick it up again. I don't want to give away all the plot points so some spoilers are under the cut!

they come through to modern London just before More's trial (opening scene of the fic posted here!). The Tower is a crossing point in my mind, so much has taken place there and so many lives have been lost that the temporal walls are thin. Other people from their time have crossed through too. Perhaps they meet up with them in the future... (they 100% do)

Cromwell is convinced modern London is not real, he's just hallucinating or having a fever relapse and it takes him a few days to come to terms with the fact that yes, they're really 500 years in the future. The things that have stayed the same (more or less) convince him. The Thames. The trees on Putney Heath. More being insufferable now as he was then.

More actually accepts the time travel pretty quickly but he pretends not to because he knows that will annoy Cromwell.

they are told by their host (spoilers!) not to google themselves, because they can't know their historical fates in case they ever get transported back to 1500s (nobody knows how the time travel works, or if it will happen again)

(the internet, generally, is astounding and More immediately wants to know what became of Erasmus and who the Pope is now)

Later they both confess to googling themselves anyway. Not to know what their own fates were, but what became of Gregory and Meg. Bonding moment!

After they have acclimatised for a couple of days they are let out to explore London on their own. They get lost on the tube. They go to a coffee shop and don't know how to order so end up just ordering what the people in line ahead of them got (iced mocha with whipped cream nearly kills More)

Cromwell wonders what he could have achieved in Henry's court, with internet access.

Cromwell also wonders what he could have achieved in Henry's court, caffeinated.

They contemplate starting a podcast (thankfully they are talked out of this)

Eventually Cromwell realises the insufferableness of More is not actually insufferable. Sudden overwhelming realisation that perhaps the reason he tried so hard to make him take the oath was that back then he was in love with him. More: didn't you know?

They hook up.

The fic ends with them having been in the future for four years and counting. They're both perfectly happy. More is a university lecturer (his knowledge of european reformation literature is astounding, his colleagues think!). Cromwell has been dabbling in law again. They've got a nice place with a little garden, plenty of room for More's animals (Cromwell makes fun but he does have a black cat of his own)...

ANNE is the only other person from their time period who also came through the doorway in the Tower. It happened just before her own execution so she is slightly ahead of them, in Tudor-timeline. She also has been in the future for 20 years, she's thoroughly established, she fits neatly in to modern London, she has a great job, she's divorced with a grown up daughter.

(her grown up daughter is the person who finds the Toms in the Tower, believes who they say they are and takes them back to Anne's flat the first night).

Anne slaps Cromwell when she first meets them in modern times. She ignores More.

Anne is annoyed they are there, but knows how they're feeling and what they need to do to survive in the 2020s. It's also nice to see familiar faces, even if it is them

They end up all going to a karaoke bar and get drunk, and, well, 500 years is a long time to hold a grudge.

The Toms' girldad instincts kick in around Anne's daughter. She's in the first year of her undergrad and More can't resist helping with essays. Cromwell bonds with her over the weirdness of them both being separated from family by half a millenium (she's desperate to know about her 'big' sister, Elizabeth I!)

I have rambled on a lot here sorry but that's a general overview! if you want to know anything else please do ask!!

[shadowthestoryteller]

Health Hiatus Announcement

This is gonna be a long post, but a necessary one that has quite a bit of important info relating to the future of my creative works concerning the Adventures!AU series. First, look at this lovely new cover art for Off to a Great Start I had done by my bud Arven92 on DA. The title has changed to The Adventure Begins, but the main story within is the same. 

The light reveals their true Alphian form (symbolic only, not a lore aspect) while their shadow shows their ultimate fate as a member of Clone Force 99/Bad Batch. The bookshelves are a key location (library), but the merge into woods represents how they're entering into a very real adventure that isn't just a fantasy they write into books. Really happy how it turned out ^^

Onto the main post! 

TLDR: Adventures!AU is being drastically shortened for my sanity and physical health into two arcs (six books each) but most likely will cease full chapter uploads after arc one as I am tired af, I don’t want to be doing this series into my 50s, and I want to turn my focus back to my originals eventually. Next year will see postings of the series prologue, Anachronism, as well as hopefully the Remaster of Off to a Great Start/The Adventure Begins. I will still be very active on my discord, where some chapters of next year's stories have already been posted. But for my other story posting sites (aka Wattpad) all new Star Wars content is on hiatus until 2026.

Been wanting to make a big post for a while for the people who aren’t a part of the discord, especially since I’ve more or less dropped off the face of tumblr after it became unhealthy due to comparison eating me alive. If you like my work, you’re welcome to join the server which is dedicated to my works. I’m active in there a few times a week, and even post bi-weekly updates as to what I’ve been working on. And I’ve posted six chapters of remastered Off to a Great Start/The Adventure Begins complete with new scenes, new povs, and even more snark! Just message me for the link, I'm still wary of a stalker finding me again.

Now, for the meat of this update. 

Y’all. I am just… dog dead tired. And stressed beyond belief. Some of it isn’t related to the Adventures!AU itself (job hunt, burnout from completing my Masters in May, ect), but a lot of it admittedly is. Considering I’ve written almost 500k words in just under 5 years, it’s no surprise. Some people don’t write that in a lifetime, and I’m out here doing that on top of college. Proud of myself for that. 

What I’m not proud of, however, is ignoring my body’s warning signals and pushing myself past my limits not once, but twice. Once in 2022, and now again in 2024. Nothing major or genuinely life-altering, but when I say my health anxiety went off the rails. Been a rough few weeks lol. 

But that leads me to now. 

Adventures!AU. My series following the adventures of my self-insert as they become a member of Clone Force 99 back when it was just four members, with the added twist of it being in an alternate universe where the Star Wars universe has crossed over with my original stories. It’s not as big as non-self insert series, but Over the River and Through the Woods (which sits at a whopping 66 chapters and 200k+ words) once got #19 out of 60k in the ocs tag. The series has been going since April 2020, seeing four completed stories of various lengths and one WIP that sits at 21 chapters and 93k words. 

Aside from the recently completed Fallen Not Forgotten, it’s been on hiatus since Dec of 2023. At least as far as chapter uploads go. It’s certainly not been collecting dust. To say it underwent some intense restructuring in July is an understatement. A big understatement. 

I originally had seventeen books planned for the series as of three months ago, sectioned into four arcs with Anachronism kinda being a “prologue” to the main Adventures!AU series. Before this timeline is banished to the dream graveyard, I’m sharing it so y’all can at least see where it was gonna go. The four arcs would have had four books each, and were structured thus:

Bonds Forged Through Fire and Storm

Off to a Great Start (25 chapters)

Over the River and Through the Woods (66 chapters)

To the Far Reaches (66 chapters)

Welcome to War Games (25 chapters)

Into the Light Through Acts in the Dark

Commander, Meet the Cat (Remastered, 20 chapters)

Fallen Not Forgotten (Remastered, 20 chapters)

Risk vs Reward (20 chapters)

Bane of My Existence (20 chapters)

Wars of the Realms

Call of the Wild (20 chapters)

Convergence Hijinks (20 chapters)

Let’s See What You’re Really Made Of (20 chapters)

Anachronistic Adventures (20 chapters)

Decaying Dreams and Deadly Dances

Shadow in the Dark (40 chapters)

Murder Uncle Mayhem (40 chapters)

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished (40 chapters)

A Legacy in Question(40 chapters)

The plans I had for this series were intricate, deep, and would push many characters to their limits. 

But turns out, it wasn’t just the characters pushed to their breaking point. 

I got sick. A rather severe case of acid reflux that landed me in the docs office for the second time in two years. That started in mid-July, and I’m still dealing with it. Will probably be dealing with the sickness afterward for another month at least. But leading up to all that, I’ve been reflecting on the series as a whole and where exactly I want it to go, how I want it to end, and all that jazz. 

Then I did a scheduling test in Excel using the above chapter load plus the 30 I had planned for Anachronism. Assuming two chapters a month with minimal breaks here and there, this series would finally end in 2050. That is by no means sustainable, and while I have had a lot of fun with this series and daydreaming about the different plotlines is a comfort activity, I can’t see myself writing these books for that long. I really want to publish my original stories some day, but I also won’t pretend that I’m not a bit tired of the series. At least, tired of pushing myself to work on stories that just don’t give the same rush of dopamine they used to. It’s almost a chore now to work on them, at least in the case of FNF. 

Full disclosure, that story has been a problem child since day one. Actually, I’m pretty sure the stress of that story is what pushed me over the edge and caused the health issues in 2022 that sent me to the doc with acid reflux the first time. Messing with canon and trying to keep the timeline continuous (with timetravel in the mix too) was nothing short of infuriating. The trajectory changed so many times as I wrote it, which I sadly feel is evident in the story. It really seems like a disjointed mess. I’m just so disappointed how it turned out, but I was determined to at least finish it and not leave everyone on a cliffhanger. And I’m proud of myself for at least finishing it, even if I cut out at least four threads from the ending. It just wasn’t healthy to keep going. 

Nor was it going to be healthy if I kept the series structured like I had it. 

So, I took the steps to fix that. 

Seventeen stories became twelve, four arcs became two. Some storylines were combined into one book (ex: Risk vs Reward and Bane of My Existence) while others (ex: Adventures!AU Batch meeting canon batch in Convergence Hijinks) were cut completely. I hated to lose some, but I’ve always been one to appreciate quality over quantity. Combining books and plotlines will help streamline things and make it more manageable. Some books also get new titles.

Arc one keeps its name, and will cover six books; Four main books then a prologue and epilogue of sorts. Anachronism, The Adventure Begins, Over the River and Through the Woods, To the Far Reaches, Welcome to War Games, and Moving Back to Look Forward. This arc covers Shadow’s initial fandom jump into the Tintin 2011 movie, their first mission with the Bad Batch, and them meeting the sailors again this time with the Batchers. Arc two will also keep its name and cover the entirety of the group’s interference of Star Wars the Clone Wars canon (rescuing Domino to taking down Palps), with a similar set up to arc one. Fallen Not Forgotten, Risk vs Reward, Level Up, Shadow in the Dark, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, and A Legacy in Question. 

But I know that even the shortening isn’t drastic enough. I feel only dread thinking about the series now, and that won’t do. So, though it kills me, Arc One will probably be the only arc that gets an official posting. Once Moving Back to Look Forward ends in 2030 (barring any major complications), that will be it for official full length postings of Adventures!AU. I’ll still post snippets and segments from arc two on Discord (like I do now occasionally), but MBtLF will end in a way that wraps everything up nicely. I’ll be sure to craft it so it can remain open ended to their adventures, but the current trajectory will see the “main” storyline with Shadow and the Batch, plus the Tintin sailors, close in arc one. 

That’s the long term goal. So what’s short term? 

Next year I plan to at least partially post Anachronism. That story has remained in the drafts for long enough. Yes, that means To the Far Reaches is backed up another year for posting (2026). That story has a lot of emotional moments, a lot of dealing with past trauma and relationship issues, and I just don’t have the spoons for that right now. For those intense moments, I have to crack myself open a bit and let my heart bleed onto the page. I’m not in a position to do that right now. Anachronism lacked that depth, being a bit more surface level than the stories with the Batchers. It’s got its own emotional moments, but it’s not nearly as taxing. Additionally, I’m going back through what was Off to a Great Start (now The Adventure Begins) and bringing it up to the standards I try to hold OtRaTtW and TtFR to. But I learned my lesson posting stories out of order so I’m going to get Anachronism finished so there’s no continuity issues. 

That brings me to my next point; Adventures!AU canon. 

I’ve already announced that the posted C,MtC and FNF are both non-canon and should not be taken as fact. You can still enjoy them (best you can with the crack-writing) but any continuity issues should be ignored as they are from an earlier draft of the Adventures!AU. Well, that decanonization treatment is extending beyond those two. The Adventure Begins, Over the River and Through the Woods, and To the Far Reaches aren’t non-canon per se, but rather some elements of the remastered versions may contradict the original postings. Going forward, the “truest” version will be those depicted in the works posted to Adventures!AU Remastered on Wattpad. The first story (The Adventure Begins) won’t drop there until at least November 2025 but you’re free to watch it in the meantime. It’ll sit dormant for quite a bit longer though. Nothing major will change in the stories, but I plan to add some extra scenes and tweak some minor details (the Batchers time in the galaxy is one big thing I’m looking at tweaking). 

Let’s see. checks notes Yep, I think that covers everything! At least for now lol. I always have stuff to say, but this will probably be the last long update post for quite some time. 

Thanks for hanging around, and for reading this long post lol.

[another-dr-another]

INTERMISSION

A guide to Before the Big Bang

Another Danganronpa Another has no affiliation with LINUJ, and is a stand-alone fan-made work which is unconnected to any other works inspired by LINUJ’s projects.

CONTENT WARNING

Before the Big Bang repeatedly discusses: child abuse, child neglect, child abandonment, child labor, and parental death. Suicide, gaslighting, toxic dynamics, ableism, classism, homophobia, and transphobia are present in the story. Substances (drugs, alcohol), religious abuse, and (attempted) child murder are mentioned, but not depicted. The game begins with a scene depicting Before the Big Bang being “booted up”, and struggles with dissociation, depersonalization, and derealization are portrayed; readers who struggle with unreality are advised to exercise caution

IN-UNIVERSE

Another Danganronpa Another: Before the Big Bang! is the first “installment” in the Gods Will duology, the Sun Side of the two games. A scrapped first draft of Danganronpa Another ~ Another Despair Academy, upon trying to launch the completed game… this is all the computer would run. Contains the same characters, with the same names and talents- but it will quickly become clear this is the most they have in common. Class 79-B was set to start their first year at Hopes Peak Academy, but have now found themselves participating in a game of mutual killing. We follow Maeda Yuki as he tries to navigate gifting his classmates during their free time events, keeping the conversation on track during class trials, and ignoring his constant creeping feeling that there’s something he’s missing. 

OUT-OF-UNIVERSE

Before the Big Bang is an AU of Danganronpa Another started on August 23rd, 2019. Colloquially referred to as “Beta AU” after a Danganronpa Distrust AU I was writing in 2018, Another Danganronpa Another deals with the mirrored reflections of the DRA cast- different personalities and behaviors, but something at the core of the character that rings true to their original writing. The original account was deleted in April of 2020, but quickly remade, and while most original posts were lost to the ether, this was handled… by rewriting what had been deleted at a speed of four posts/day. “Rewrite 23” is the tag used for posts which have been rewritten since that happened, so if one post suddenly seems to be a bit more polished than the posts before/after it, check to see if it’s tagged with that- it’s possible it’s a higher quality because it’s more recent!

MECHANICS

At the end of most posts, you’ll be given {two or more} {options} which you can pick between. If no asks are sent in, one of Maeda’s classmates will take matters into their own hands, and make the choice for Maeda. If multiple asks are sent in, majority rules- in the case of an even split, the ask that was sent first takes precedence. Occasionally, you’ll be given the option to freely roam the school, instead of being given options.

As this is a Tumblr ask blog, and not a coded video game, there’s a person reading your asks! So long as I can see what your intent is, I’ll do my best to follow along within the parameters of the game. This applies to both free roam, and to asks selecting options. Maeda may not go for your exact suggestion, but, for example- if it’s time for Free Time Events, and an ask is sent saying “we should go throw hands with Tsu. or we could give him item 104 ig”, Maeda will go spend his FTE opportunity with Tsurugi, and will give him Item #104. Don’t worry about needing to be formal!

HOW-TO

Following the “Start” link below will allow you to read every post, in chronological order. Visiting the Chapter Chrono page (through the “Exit” link) will allow you to read posts in chronological order, starting at the specific chapter you choose. Every post is tagged with “dra”, which is used to read through every post chronologically. A similar format is used to read chapters chronologically, however, these links aren’t currently fully functional. Eventually, you’ll be able to read specifically daily/deadly lifes in chronological order, however, posts from the first two chapters aren’t tagged properly for this. Re-tagging is a work in progress, but chapters as a whole can still be read individually, and the daily/deadly life specific tags are in place for Chapter 3.

Especially beginning in the third chapter, posts can be lengthy, and the work is extensive- though an official word count is currently unavailable, an example: the third chapter's investigation was 36 posts, and over 95k words. Those with the free time to spend a few hours a day to spend on reading can generally get through beta in ~five days. For those who aren’t looking for that sort of undertaking, the current recommendation (as of August 2024, during the third trial) is to use the “Replay” link below, read up until the final introduction, then utilize the Chapter Chrono page (through the “Exit” link), and either begin reading at the start of the third chapter, or the start of the third deadly life. Visiting the Synopsis Page (through the “Exit” link) will provide you with summaries of what happened on different days of the killing game, to catch you up on what you’re missing- without having to read through everything immediately.

LINKS

Tumblr hates showing the extra pages on this blog.

E-Handbook is a navigational page. Meant to model the E-Handbooks in Danganronpa games, this page contains the following.

“Class 79-B” is a navigational page which contains profiles on each of the students. These pages should contain synopses of any completed free time events, but this is a work in progress. “Items” is a page listing how many Monocoins Maeda currently has, the things he’s won from the Mono-machine, and other things he’s received. “School Rules” is a list of the school rules the students must abide by. “Truth Bullets” is a page only available during the deadly life segment. It has descriptions of any truth bullets Maeda has, and links back to the post he got them in.

Exit is a navigational page, which contains bonus pages that don’t align with the E-handbook.

“Help” contains a list of any notes/explanations which are given during the game. Primarily, this consists of trial mechanics. “Synopsis” is a page which summarizes what’s happened so far in the game, breaking it down on a day by day basis. “Account Info” contains a more detailed explanation of the AU, links to other relevant blogs, and contains some other miscellaneous details. “Chapter Chrono” allows readers to revisit specific chapters, and view their posts in chronological order.

Replay allows readers to read the entirety of Before the Big Bang from the first post.

QUESTIONS

Please send any questions to @another-dra-anew! Asks which are unrelated to the ongoing story, but get sent here, will be answered and kept up for a week, before being reblogged to Anew, and deleted from this account.

[copperbadge]

Apologies if you’ve answered this before, but since you’re such a prolific writer, I am curious: how do you find/make time to write?

Sometimes, between work; cleaning/shopping/cooking/self-care to continue functioning; and time for other hobbies, I feel like it doesn’t get the attention I want to give to it. Thank you!

Oh, I've probably answered it before but if so I don't remember when or what I said :D I think it's a combination of things, some of which are within my control, some of which are not.

For a start, it really depends on how you write. I write in chunks, and I tend to write pretty continuously when I'm at it, there's not a lot of "blankly staring at the page" that some writers have to deal with. I am either Writing or Doing Other Things. I also have a fairly fast typing speed -- last time I tested I was in the 120 wpm range, and given I spent two years doing audio transcription I'm probably faster now. So I can get the words on the page basically as fast as I think, unless I'm on a phone, but even then I'm pretty fast. A significant chunk of Infinite Jes was written on my phone, mainly because while writing it I sometimes didn't have convenient access to a computer.

I'm fortunate in that I have a job that doesn't really take up eight hours of my day, so if I want to stop what I'm doing and spend an hour writing, I generally can. I specifically have tried to take jobs that allow this and avoid jobs that don't, but I grant that's a privilege of being a college-educated white dude. I've worked retail, but I've also often been able to avoid it in favor of jobs where I'm not constantly public-facing and can huddle behind a computer doing god knows what (it's a joy to have a job where nobody really understand what it is you do).

You say I'm pretty prolific, and this year that has been true -- I wrote around 300K words. However, in 2021 I did very little writing at all, and in 2020 I think the only real work I did was on Six Harvests, which is less than 100K words. I didn't post a single fanfic in 2021, which shocked me when I realized it. I'd have to do some data vis to confirm this, but I suspect there was a curve to my output across my 20s and 30s -- I know that I wrote less, even if it was perhaps better quality, as my career began to take off. Work, depending on the kind, does take brain power, or physical energy, or both, from what we'd rather be doing. It can also stimulate it, but realistically that's not super common. So I wouldn't beat yourself up about giving time to work and self-care; those are necessary, and I take more time from writing to give to those as I get older.

I think also as you get older you figure out your rhythms. I am capable of much more physical activity in the morning, and I'm capable of writing pretty much anytime, so I tend to do physical things -- working out, cooking, cleaning -- earlier in the day, then "go to" work, then write in the evenings whether or not I got any writing in during the day. I cook in bulk, so I'm rarely "cooking" more than one meal a day, just reheating stuff I cooked earlier.

Working remotely has absolutely been what allowed me to write so much this year -- and not even the time gained back from commuting, because my commute was short, not quite an hour round trip. But I'm not trapped "at" work -- I can do chores during the day, fuck off and write, even take a nap if I desire, in a way that I couldn't when I was in slightly uncomfortable business-casual and stuck in a cubicle from eight to four-thirty. I could do pretty much what I wanted in the cubicle in terms of reading tumblr, writing, researching, et cetera, but when you're confined to a physical space where you're not super comfortable and sharing it with thirty other people, it's not as conductive to writing.

And like. Also I'm a hermit who lives alone and very rarely goes out.

I don't have a partner or children, I don't have family nearby, I have very few responsibilities and don't belong to social clubs or nonprofit boards or religious groups the way many of my colleagues and friends do. I have a circle of brickspace friends who are fairly tightly knit at this point, but we don't do a lot of like, weekly-brunch or friday-night-drinks or anything like that. I am finding it much, much, so much easier to go to parties and social events now that I'm properly medicated, because I don't feel like I'll be punished by my own brain afterward, but we're also still in the grip of a pandemic, and while we are socializing, it's still pretty constricted. Over Thanksgiving I had two events in two days and loved going to both but by Saturday I was exhausted and happy to stay home.

When the quarantine began, a lot of people found themselves "trapped" at home and very bored, and while I empathized I was also quite confused because my outside-of-work life didn't materially change. How often were these people going out? What were they doing? In a regular year I was home at least six nights a week if not all seven. I go to bed at eight o'clock most nights, by choice. I love my friends and I'm generally happy to hang with them but I don't have a driving need to go out and be with friends and certainly not with strangers more than about twice a month.

So yeah, I wish I could say it's a matter of Making Time To Write or some secret time management trick but the truth is, my prolific output (such as it is; it varies wildly) is a result of a really good job for Fucking Off To Write, not many other obligations, and an obsessive personality. :D There are ways you can adjust your life to give you time for creativity in whatever form that comes, but that's got to be personal to you -- learning your rhythms, learning how to manage your other responsibilities, maybe letting go of some things to give yourself more time for what's important. But it's got to be you looking at your life and making adjustments, there's no single solution to the problem.

[ettawritesnstudies]

Thank You

If you’ll permit me a minute to be cliche: this photo would not have been possible without you. When I started university in August 2019, the sum of all my author-y potential measured up to:

No finished manuscripts

A pipe dream of ever publishing my work

A scatterbrained outline of The Laoche Chronicles

Forty-four phone notes full of half-witted ideas

A grand total of 3 followers on my brand-new tumblr account

At the time, I had no grand plans of marketing my work, though I knew it would be necessary if I ever wanted an audience. I chose a degree in chemical engineering because I knew my baby platform and half finished stories weren’t going to cut it as a career in their current state as an 18-year-old, and I needed to have a day job if I wanted to pursue my end dream of self publishing. I was just hoping to survive my first year of engineering school, pass my weed-out classes, and hopefully make some new friends. That fall semester passed with sporadic progress on my book, and halfhearted attempts at breaking into the writeblr community, until I decided to try my hand at Inktober and made my first few acquaintances: @siarven and @abalonetea, who have both featured on this blog since then. It was also at this point, sometime during a Calculus III lecture, that I invented my pen name:

All was going well, and I was pleased with my incremental progress until the world ended.

The less said about the pandemic, the better. Writeblr truly kept me sane through working full-time jobs and taking 18 credit hours during the semester. When I was truly close to dropping out of school, I kept going, knowing I had these online friends to cheer me up after brutal exams and long nights of studying. The tag games and community filled the dearth of interaction left by quarantine and an insane schedule. During my summer internship in 2020, I finally had the time to finish the first draft of Storge and the confidence in myself to start a website. Rereading my first post is a surreal experience, in part because I still see myself as a little kid as hiding under the blankets with a flashlight, notebook, and pen, thinking “I wanna write a book!”

I woke up the next day crying to the sheer volume of kind messages congratulating me on meeting this milestone. Instead of feeling burnt out after reaching such a lofty goal, this gave me all the more energy to keep working. Since then, I’ve been so blessed to grow this community and this website. It’s incredible to see how far I’ve come, now being able to claim:

A finished manuscript of Storge

A 3rd draft of Runaways after going through 2 rounds of Beta Readers

8 short stories and an audio drama

An active mailing list

Over 1000 followers on tumblr, but more importantly, a thriving community of writers who support each other’s releases through ARCs, leaving reviews, enthusiastic questions, and a welcoming space for new writers to share their craft.

140 posts on my website and regular readers who care about my ramblings ❤

Now I’m on my way to my new job – I’ll be doing research and development in my chosen field with a team I really like, and the freedom to listen to books while I’m in the lab. This next month will still be a hiatus for blog posts and new writing as I pack up my life for a cross-states move, but I’m beyond excited to enter change. My hope is that I can start saving for editing costs and devote more time to my craft thanks to a 9-5 schedule and NO!!! HOMEWORK!!!!!!!!! Really, I cannot say enough how thrilled I am to never have to take another exam ever again, thank GOD. With a bit of luck and no small amount of grace, I hope I can publish and share my stories with you sooner rather than later.

Thank you for all the support and camaraderie these past years. In a way, I owe this diploma to you as much as to my classmates and professors. The night before graduation, I said to my friends, “I’ve been waiting for tomorrow for eight years.” Now I’m living in the future, and I can’t wait to write the next chapter.

[blackbird-brewster]

Hi friend! I’m wondering about the process you took to be able to stay in New Zealand because it’s been a dream of mine to move there but it seems really daunting 😭 thank you in advance!

Kia ora e hoa!

Oof, my story is a long and complicated one for sure. Moving countries (no matter where you're heading) is a HUGE choice and no matter how much you prepare, there will always be a learning curve. For me, however, I didn't prepare at all. Not really. That being said, NZ does have A LOT of hoops to jump through and they're REALLY particular about who gets visas (even more so since the pandemic).

But here's my story:

2015: I had visited NZ for a handful of days in 2015 and then shortly after that trip, I happened to meet someone through tumblr who was a kiwi. We started a long-distance relationship from there.

Now, I need to note that I was homeless at that point of my life. I was living in my car, so everything I owned fit inside a compact Chevy Aveo. And when my car got repossessed and I said 'nothing left for me in [readacted]' and packed up those few belongings into two plastic tubs, bought a one way ticket, and flew to Aotearoa (The actual time between losing my car, to considering moving, to pouring all of my savings into airfare, to actually just up and leaving to start a new life across the world, was only about 2 weeks btw. Like I said, ZERO preperation.)

Early 2016: I first came on a 3-month visitor visa. Then I was able to get a partnership visa for a year. When that relationship ended, I had already decided Aotearoa was my forever home and I was ready to do anything necessary to stay here long-term.

2017: I managed another 1-year visa (working holiday visa).

Early 2018: Then by the time that one was ending, I was in a new relationship (with my current partner) but we hadn't been together long enough for them to sponsor me in a partnership visa.

Without any way to get another working visa, I was forced to plan a move to Australia for a year. I had sorted a working holiday visa there, had job prospects, and although I didn't want to leave NZ, I knew it was only a temporary stop over, because I would spend every moment in Aus trying to get back into NZ somehow.

Final days of my visa, 2018: I had already been thrown goodbye parties, I sold what little belongings I'd started to acquire in my two years here, I had my airfare and visa all ready for Aus -- but I was STILL desperately scouring the Immigration NZ website for ANY legal loopholes, any way I could just stay a while longer. And in doing so, I found exactly that. In absolute secret (didn't tell a single soul from fear of getting my hopes up) -- I applied for a nine-month visitor visa.

And to my utter shock -- it worked. I was able to stay.

2018/19: In those 9 months, I ended up moving in with Doom Them and by the time I was nearing the end of my visitor visa, we were able to apply for a partnership visa together. I was granted another one-year visa.

2019: We had to repeat the process. Submitting over 500 pages of documentation that our relationship was genuine, and even then, they still asked for more. Luckily, they eventually granted me another one year visa.

Early 2020: After living in NZ continuously for four years, you are eligible to apply for residency. Because I had a NZ partner, that definitely helped, because at the start of Covid INZ stopped accepting any other type of residency visa applications. I was SO lucky that we applied WAY early this time, because estimated wait times for visa processing were like 10-16 MONTHS

August 2020: I officially became a NZ Resident!!! Which meant I no longer had to apply for Visas. I was granted the privilege of living in NZ for the rest of my life without ever having to apply for visas that may not be granted. The annual stress and uncertainty we faced each time we applied was no more!

August 2022: After being a NZ Resident for 2 years, you can then apply to be a NZ Permanent Resident. That means you can leave and come back to NZ without any issues. It's basically citizenship without the passport.

So that's where I'm at currently! And in August 2025 (5 years after residency is first granted) -- I will finally get to become a NZ CITIZEN!!!! I cannot wait for the day this country becomes my place of citizenship.

It is a LONG and tedious process that requires a TON of work and stress and money (god so much fucking moneeeeyyyyyy) -- but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Because even though I first moved here for a relationship that didn't work out -- I still wound up finding my forever home, my friends, my family, and most importantly, I did find my forever relationship.

[shiroi---kumo]

//So what inspired you to write Kumo? I'm very curious

|| So I actually started writing Kumo many many years ago before I created this blog

This blog was born of the fact that I lost the log in for my old blog so I simply moved him. I've been writing Kumo (on Tumblr) since 2014 in truth. (Whoo ten years now)

I've been apart of the FFU fandom since the old days of the Japanese fandom sites and artist website galleries and circles and when the series DVDs were releasing one at a time. I saw FFU for the first time when I was 15 and it was on one of the trial DVDs that had like 1 episodes of a few different shows per disc that came in my friend's NewType magazine.

I fell in love with Kumo at first sight. He's been my favorite character since day 1. Since I was 15. It's been 21 years and I'm still desperately in love with this man. Kumo isn't just my favorite character, he's my dream cosplay and has been since I was just a teenager. So I've been invested in him and everything he is and everything that concerns him since I was just a wee tot in high school, so picking him up as a muse was really just everything coming full circle.

I picked him up as a muse because despite my nervousness because no one knew him my RP friends at the time encouraged me to do so. They knew I loved him and they said they would write with me even if they didn't know him at all ( and they did 😊).

I learned quickly how easily I could cross him over with literally anything and how versatile of a muse he was but personal matters drew me back from writing and I took a break from Kumo for a while. My intense love of FFU sparked again speaking to other friends in 2020 and being on a layoff from work at the time because of the lockdown, I rebuilt Kumo's blog.

Here we are. Four years later. Drowning in world building and lore and at least 50 OCs deep. Kumo and Kiri (his older brother (yes I write him too)) have always been special to me. Since I was a kid, and I mean that with every depth of my soul when I say that.

I mean begged my grandmother to go up to town with me on my learner's permit driving to the store with every scrap of money from pop bottles and other various ways a 15 yr old in 2004 can manage to find money I could manage to find saved up for months just to buy the next volume of FFU (vol.5) because the DVD that has Kumo and Kiri's episode on it finally dropped after months of collecting these DVDs starting at vol. 1, one at a time. The release date for Vol. 5 of FFU was highlighted and circled in my school planner because I waited so long to watch Kiri and Kumo's episode. It was important to me and still is. I've rewatched that episode alone more than 100 times.

FFU was my SHOW.

I can't put that in words enough. I watch it at least once a year every year for the last 20 years because it is my "I'm depressed and I need to be happy so I'm going to watch a thing I love" show.

Kumo's face has the power to cure depression and end wars to me I swear to fuck. I cannot give you the proper words to explain what I mean when I say that it's been 21 years and I'm still desperately in love with this man.

His voice just soothes me. His face melts my depression away. He is just - the best. He's my favorite and it took a long time for me to let myself be okay with that because some of my IRL friends teased and mocked me relentlessly for liking FFU as much as I do, but I can tell you right now - it's been 21 years and I am still desperately in love with this man - so yes of course I would write him.

Of course I would write him and expand his world and give him the backstory and home world and proper culture he deserves. So fun fact, FFU ran for 25 of 52 planned episodes and was cancelled 1/2 through because SquareSoft went bankrupt. The second half of the series is referred to as "Final Fantasy: Unlimited After" (After 2 / After Spiral) and was only ever released as a script book that was never seen outside of Japan. The day I got my hands on it, I cried.

It's been 15 years of me owning the novel "FFU: Bond of Two / Twin Stars" for Google to give me the tech to scan a page and translate it but my god I'm reading it now. 15 years I waited to read this novel and we're doing it dammit.

I can't begin to tell you what I mean when I say FFU is my show but it is and it's not perfect and has problems and it's so quirky but it's my quirky and I adore it to pieces.

So really it only makes sense that I would go whole hog on world building build Kumo's entire society and culture from the ground up for him. The creators sure didn't so someone needs to. They gave me a cookie cutter outline of Misterica and now it's mine to go crazy with and do whatever I desire.

And Kumo is so fun to write. He's so fun to write and explore and listen to him talk to me to tell me about his life and his people. It's so fun to meet his family and his friends and his society as a whole. Misterica is so dear to me, I just - can't. I love them so much.

I've loved Kumo as a kid, so of course I love him now. It's been 21 years and he still has my whole heart.

[gigabyte-flare]

Oh boy it's brain vomit time!

For some reason I started reminiscing about this person I used to be friends with in the Final Fantasy VII fandom and I know if this makes it onto the feed of some of those still active in the fandom they're going to know exactly who I'm talking about. For the sake of privacy, I will not be dropping names. This is not a callout post, just me reflecting on my life. I first joined Tumblr back in like... 2015 or 2016; I was still recovering from a pretty nasty breakup from 2013 and I needed an outlet for my Sephiroth hyperfixation. At the time I had absolutely zero clue that hyperfixating on fictional characters was completely normal as I had prior friendships that shamed me for that, but that's a story for another time.

This person was one of the first people I became friends with in the fandom and looking back.... yeeeeaaaahhhhh this friendship was not the healthiest. I loved Sephiroth with every fiber of my being yet this person somehow spat on that and said 'hold my beer.' They were utterly obsessed with anything and everything Sephiroth; not just him, but the voice actor that portrayed him at the time as well.

Now, don't get me wrong, George Newbern is a great guy and a great voice actor, not to mention he's been in a ton of roles (one I remember fondly is actually my favorite episode of CSI where he played a dude with chimerism) as well as voicing Superman for many, many years, but this person would quite literally go almost every convention George went on the US West coast.

At first I didn't think anything of it, but it wasn't until they would vehemently insist that I go to some of these conventions that I started to take a step back and give the situation serious side eye. It came to a head in 2019/2020. At this point, I became heavily involved in a community for a popular cosplayer and actually kindled a friendship with them (this particular arc in my life also is a story for another time) and we were both going to a convention and meeting in person for the first time. Needless to say, I was extremely excited to meet them.

Queue my friend though, who insisted that meeting George Newbern was way more important than my cosplayer friend. I was livid, to say the least, but that surprisingly wasn't the straw that broke the camel's back. That honor would go to the recasting of the FFVII characters and my indifference to it.

Oooooooooohhhhhhhh boy... did that upset the friend. They probably would be extremely upset to find out that I actually like Tyler Hoechlin's performance better (he just nails it for me). Heck, I actually like most of the "recast" performances better with the exception of one (Ricky Gomez will always be Zack Fair). This debacle severed our friendship and I didn't talk to them for I think almost three or four years.

At some point, I was deep in my Sephiroth hyperfixation era again and for some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to attempt to rekindle this friendship because I wanted someone to scream about Sephiroth with. I was hoping that maybe, with the amount of time that had gone by, they would have come to their senses and... like... chilled out with their George Newbern obsession.

Yeah no, if anything, it got worse.

So I kinda just... let the friendship die out again which brings us to now. I'm not sure why I randomly started to think about this person, but it came from another string of thought I was having. Yes, Sephiroth is still one of my favorite fictional characters ever and he will always be my 'OG' husband, but when I look at him these days... I dunno it's just different now.

The way I look at it, Sephiroth was the embodiment of my internalized rage. Post 2013 I was angry at the world and everything in it. Cut to Leon Kennedy, my hyperfixation from last year, who I now feel was the embodiment of my healing journey, having gone through some fucked up shit himself, he didn't let that stop him in his mission to help people. Then we cut to Von Lycaon. From what little lore we have of him, he is proof that you can make mistakes, go through some probably fucked up situations and still come out making a better life for yourself and man, do I adore him.

Anyway, if you made it this far, thank you for taking time to read my brain vomit!

[toointojoelmiller]

Personal (tw: everything lol don’t read seriously this is an emo self indulgent trauma dump bummer I just need to vent)

Also this has nothing at all to do with Joel so I’m doing tiny font

Since February / March I've been stuck in the worst depressive episode of my life. I'm so fucking crazy and it feels like I’m not getting better. Probably have been low key dissociating for at least half of the time. Started a new antidepressant in April and had a lot of hope for it because when I started escitalopram when I was 24 I had the best response and literally a very fun and nice and pleasant several years. DIdn't last though, unfortunately, and this newest one hasn't really helped me that much other than letting me get out of bed in the morning and I feel so insanely stuck.

I worry sometimes that I have fully snapped this year. My brain just doesn't feel like it used to and I barely recognize myself sometimes. I've isolated myself so much from family and friends. Sometimes even from my boyfriend (we literally own a house together aka I have been isolating myself to like, my office and bed).

I lost a pregnancy and it completely broke me, I feel like I've been permanently shattered by it, and I don't see the world the same way anymore. It’s truly like part of me died. And now it is legit so painful for me to be around babies and kids. And that is especially hard at this age because there is pregnancy and baby news literally every fucking day.

And there is so much fucked up background trauma I’m struggling with. Since 2019 four of my former patients who I worked with when they were teeangers have died terribly between the ages of 19 and 21. I have nightmares about it, see them in my sleep all of the time. Plus numerous of the adult patients I have bonded with over the years have died recently, mostly in extremely upsetting ways. Sometimes it feels like working in the mental health & addictions space has destroyed my soul. And before that I did palliative nursing and watching people die scarred me so much. I am way too sensitive of a person for this sort of work but financially walking away is impossible right now. I wish I never went into nursing. And yeah I’ve done lots of trauma therapy.

It's so upsetting for me being in my thirties and struggling like this. Worse than ever. When I was a mentally ill little teen I would tell myself things would get better with time and it feels like that being true is getting more and more far fetched.

The other thing about getting older obvi is so many loved ones getting diagnosed with health issues. My dad's Parkinson's diagnosis in 2020 was like a fucking bomb going off for me and it’s progressing fast and sometimes it just hurts to be around him and watch him struggle.

Sometimes I seriously just fucking hate life. I don’t even know why I’m posting this on tumblr of all places lol but I feel like I have absolutely no one to vent to so I guess that’s why.