#I sprayed other perfumes I own to make sure I don’t have COVID and they smell as they should

[dreamingswift]

Does anyone use/have the sweet tooth perfume? I bought a sample size and it smells like a basic perfume … 😐

[lovemesomesurveys]

The last time you were at a diner, what did you order?: I ordered 4 over-easy eggs, biscuits and gravy, hash browns, and coffee.

Do you usually buy souvenirs when you go to amusement parks?: Yeah, that’s a must for me.

When you last watched a movie, did you watch it alone or with someone?: I recently saw Black Widow with my mom, aunt, and brother. Are you happy with your weight?: No. 

What’s the dress code for your job? Do you like it?: --

Does your job allow piercings or tattoos?: --

How often do you wash your hair?: Three times a week.

Do you want to get married? If so, what color will your dress be?: No, I don’t.

Ever had a caricature done of yourself? How much was it, and were you satisfied with it?: Yeah. It was quite awhile ago so I don’t recall how much it cost, but yeah I liked it.

Do you like peanut butter and fluff sandwiches?: I’ve actually never had one but they sound good. 

Last color you painted your nails?: Black.

Last time you got a hair cut?: A little over a week ago.

When you want to buy coffee, where do you go?: Starbucks.

Did you try McDonald’s new smoothies? What do you think of them?: No, I’ve never had one of their smoothies.

What are some trends you dislike that everyone seems to love?: Crocs. Whyyyy?

Ever been to Gaia Online? Do you have an account?: I think so... the name rings a bell. 

Where can you usually be found on a Friday night?: At home like any other night.

What’s your relationship status? Are you happy with it?: Very much single and yes I’m fine with it. 

If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? I don’t know.

If you could dye your hair any color right now with absolutely no restrictions, what color would you dye it?: I had been dyeing it red the past few years, but I’m currently well over a year overdue now and I’d just like to get it done. 

What shoes do you usually wear in the summer?: I only ever wear sneakers like my Adidas year round.

What’s your favorite amusement park?: Disneyland.

Do you like rollercoasters?: Only the Cars and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad rollercoasters at Disneyland. Just the right amount of speed and adrenaline rush for me that I can handle, nothing too crazy. They’re so fun.

How old are your siblings?: My younger brother is 22 and my older brother is 37.

Would you ever enlist in the army?: I couldn’t even if I wanted to because of my physical disability.

Are you afraid of public restrooms?: I’m not afraid of them, but I do avoid using them unless I really need to. Especially during these times of COVID.

What perfume do you wear?: I don’t have a perfume, but I do have a beach-y body spray I’ve been wearing.

How often do you use lotion?: I rarely do, but I really should start applying it regularly.

Do you play video games? If so, what kind?: Sometimes. I like Mario Bro games, I was obsessed with Animal Crossing: New Horizons last year, The Sims, the Life is Strange series...

How old is your oldest and youngest friend?: --

Do you donate your old stuff to Goodwill? If so, what was the last thing you donated?: The last thing I donated was some clothes. <<<

Do you wear jeans? I honestly haven’t worn jeans at all for the past 3-4 years now, I just live in leggings. 

How many hours do you usually work a week?: --

How old were you in 1999?: I turned 10.

Last time you were at a job interview? How did it go?: I’ve never had a job interview.

What’s one place you’d NEVER want to work at?: I couldn’t do anything in the medical field. 

How many kids would you want?: Zero.

Do you wear lipstick? If so, what color?: No.

Do you use Tumblr? What do you normally post?: Nope, never heard of it.

Was your first Green Day album American Idiot?: Yes. I listened to their older stuff before that, but yeah that’s the first album of theirs I actually owned.

Do you do your own laundry?: No, my mom helps me with that.

Do you get paid weekly or bi-weekly?: --

Did you tease freshmen in high school?: No, I never did that.

What have you done so far today? It’s 5 in the morning I haven’t done a whole lot.

Are your nails painted any colors right now? No. It’s been a few years since I last painted my nails.

Do you think kittens are cute? Yeah.

Have you ever submitted a story to fmylife.com? No.

What color are the sheets on your bed? Mint green.

What’s your favorite room in the place you’re in? Mine.

Is there someone you wish to call your boyfriend/girlfriend right now? No.

How weight conscious are you? Very. It’s one of the main focal points right now and topic of discussion with like everyone. There’s always a comment of some kind regarding it. Doctors and family making sure I’m eating and reminding me, as if I need to be reminded at all, that I’m underweight and need to eat more. As if I’m not trying. As if it’s that simple. “Just eat more” blah blah. I don’t use the word “triggered” easily at all, but the topic of my weight is a big trigger for me. My Nana texted me recently and was like, “I saw some photos of you taken recently at your brother’s grad party and you’re so thin!! You need to seek medical treatment.” Ugh. I know everyone means well and I’m fortunate to have people that care, but it’s just really frustrating and something I’ve been struggling with and I’m just really tired of it.

Have you ever shot a gun? Once when I went to a shooting range with some friends years ago.

What’s your favorite eye color? Blue or green.

Rent a movie or go see one in theaters? I like going to the movies, especially when it’s to see something I’m really into and excited about like Marvel films or one that looks really good like a horror or psychological thriller. Streaming movies is nice, too, it just depends.

Is there anyone else with you right now? Not in this room, but in the house yeah. What’s the biggest personality trait turn off for a potential partner? Arrogance and cockiness are a couple.

Would you consider yourself a hopeless romantic? No.

What color is the shirt you’re wearing? I’m wearing a camoflage t-shirt dress. They’re so comfy to wear around the house.

How many times have your changed your clothes today? Once.

Have you ever been accused of cheating? No.

How about having an eating disorder? Yes. I think that’s what some think I’m dealing with right now.

Would you ever go on a birth control pill? I don’t have a reason to.

Do you know how to do your own laundry? I’ve always had help with that because it would be hard for me to do.

Is your bed made? Yeah, it always is because I sleep on top of the tucked in sheets and just use a throw blanket if I need something. It’s been warm enough that I haven’t needed a blanket, though.

Where’s your cell phone? Nearby on my bed.

Have you ever taken a train? No.

[lavieboheme930]

143- The Scientist

1 - Have you ever seen an episode of My 600lb Life? No

2 - Do you feel bad when someone asks you to hang out and you say no? Yeah

3 - When was the last time you turned down plans with someone? What did you decide to do instead? Last March.  I wasn’t feeling that great.  Now I wish I did.

4 - Have you ever had any “unusual” or exotic pets? If you could own any animal, what would it be and why? No

5 - How often do you wash your hair? Depends.

6 - What have you found the hardest about the current Pandemic? This “pandemic” is killing me mentally and the people who are paranoid and making it worse aren’t helping!

7 - And what about the easiest? Has anything improved in your life because of what’s happened? NOTHING!  IT’S ALL SHIT!!!

8 - If you have multiple pets, do they get along with each other? Are they related or even the same species? Just a dog

9 - What’s the weather doing right now? Is this good for you, or not? rainy and no.

10 - Do you have any plans for Christmas yet? no

11 - What was the last meal you ate? Did you have anything good? sandwich and yes.

12 - Do you still buy DVD’s or CD’s? yes

13 - Do you live somewhere where strangers say hi to you in the street? Would you like to live somewhere like that? I do and  I love it.

14 - Are there any accents that you really struggle to understand? no

15 - Have you ever tried any of those meal replacement shakes? Yes.

16 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Where were you going and what did you do? what I’m wearing now.  Went to get coffee.

17 - Do you make up silly nicknames for your pets or family members? for my dog.

18 - What’s your favourite thing to take photographs of? Are you actually any good at photography? Anything.  Sure

19 - Do you have anything interesting planned for the rest of the day? How about for tomorrow or the weekend? nope and work tomorrow.

20 - Are you living in an area that’s under any lockdown restrictions? Do they have an official end date in sight yet? HA!  We have a stupid ass giving restrictions that are killing us mentally.  Isn’t it nice having so called leaders who don’t give a shit what they’re doing to us here in NYC?

21 - Are you going to take the vaccine for COVID once it becomes available? HELL NO!  Never trusted vaccines before and I sure aint trusting one for this “virus”

22 - How much housework have you done lately? Is this more or less than usual? Ehhh th usual..

23 - What gifts are you hoping to get for your next birthday (or Christmas, whichever one is coming up next)? I already know about the 3 Elton albums I got.

24 - Do you suffer from any form of motion sickness? long boat rides

25 - Do you contribute regularly to any Facebook groups at all? Yes the 2 for my businesses

26 - When was the last time you weighed yourself? Were you happy with the numbers you saw? ages ago

27 - Have you got any chronic health issues? What do you do to try and manage them as best you can? No

28 - Did the last drink you had contain caffeine or alcohol? I don’t know.  It was tea but I don’t know if it had caffeine or not.

29 - What’s your favourite scent of perfume or body spray? none

30 - Would you rather live in a mansion, a cottage or a penthouse apartment? i don’t know.

[eldritchsurveys]

1073.

1 - Have you ever seen an episode of My 600lb Life? >> I have not. I have a knee-jerk aversion to shows like that because I feel like they’re exploitative and kind of sideshow-y. That may or may not be actually true for this show (or any show that I feel that way about), and if someone who was familiar with it reassured me that it wasn’t, then I’d change my opinion and maybe check it out. But just from what I know about the reality-show industry, I’m not into the idea.

2 - Do you feel bad when someone asks you to hang out and you say no? >> I don’t think I’ve ever been in this situation.

3 - When was the last time you turned down plans with someone? What did you decide to do instead? >> ---

4 - Have you ever had any “unusual” or exotic pets? If you could own any animal, what would it be and why? >> No. I don’t want to own any animals. The only pet I’m willing to have is a trained emotional support dog.

5 - How often do you wash your hair? >> About once a week.

6 - What have you found the hardest about the current Pandemic? >> Seeing how some people totally disregard it and really show their unwillingness to think about how their actions affect other people. Also, not being able to go certain places, but, like... that hasn’t been as painful as I’d expected it to be.

7 - And what about the easiest? Has anything improved in your life because of what’s happened? >> Definitely the staying-at-home part, since I was doing a lot of that already. Nothing has improved in my life as a direct result of the pandemic, though. My lifestyle hasn’t changed enough for that to really be possible.

8 - If you have multiple pets, do they get along with each other? Are they related or even the same species? >> ---

9 - What’s the weather doing right now? Is this good for you, or not? >> It was chilly and sunny today, which is fine with me. I prefer warmer weather, sure, but I can deal with the cold as long as the Sun is out. (I also finally got a chance to put my cards out to be cleansed and recharged. I’d been waiting almost a week for a sunny day.)

10 - Do you have any plans for Christmas yet? >> I am assuming that Christmas will be an at-home affair just like Thanksgiving was, which is fine with me. I like some of the stuff we do at the Wayland house for holidays, but a lot of it is far too commercial for me.

11 - What was the last meal you ate? Did you have anything good? >> A veggie burger and chips (which is usually what I eat for breakfast, but I had Thanksgiving leftovers for breakfast instead. really flipped the script today).

12 - Do you still buy DVD’s or CD’s? >> No.

13 - Do you live somewhere where strangers say hi to you in the street? Would you like to live somewhere like that? >> It’s 60/40; closer to downtown people are less likely to do it, but in the residential areas like here, it’s bound to happen. I... I can take it or leave it, I guess. My social aversion comes and goes, but when it’s strong I don’t want to be noticed by anyone and being acknowledged when I’m outside is painful and disruptive, so... there’s that. But when I feel more stable, it can be nice to be smiled and hello’d at.

14 - Are there any accents that you really struggle to understand? >> Sure, particularly if it’s one I’m unfamiliar with. I try my best -- I find that hand motions and pantomiming sometimes help.

15 - Have you ever tried any of those meal replacement shakes? >> Yeah, I’ve drank my share of Ensures and Nutraments. They were great when I was doing drugs all the time and wasn’t interested in eating, but also didn’t want to like, pass out in the street.

16 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Where were you going and what did yo >> Okay, I don’t quite know what the rest of this question was supposed to be, but the last thing I wore outside was sweatpants, a Fraternal Order of Grave Robbers t-shirt, and a NOLA Museum of Death hoodie. We went grocery shopping.

17 - Do you make up silly nicknames for your pets or family members? >> ---

18 - What’s your favourite thing to take photographs of? Are you actually any good at photography? >> I don’t have a favourite thing to take photos of. I have made no effort to be skilled in photography.

19 - Do you have anything interesting planned for the rest of the day? How about for tomorrow or the weekend? >> The day is pretty much over. Tomorrow I guess I’ll either be playing video games or online.

20 - Are you living in an area that’s under any lockdown restrictions? Do they have an official end date in sight yet? >> Not really. Any kind of lockdown Whitmer would try to impose now would get shot down by the rest of the government, I’m sure, seeing how things went earlier in the year. Even though, you know, the ICUs are at capacity again... because this is definitely a prolonged state of emergency... which is the framework she was using to enact the executive orders for lockdowns.... which were declared unconstitutional....

21 - Are you going to take the vaccine for COVID once it becomes available? >> If it’s available to me personally, then sure, I’ll take it. But I don’t know how they’re going to roll it out and whether it’ll actually get out to everyone the way you’d expect.

22 - How much housework have you done lately? Is this more or less than usual? >> No more or less than usual.

23 - What gifts are you hoping to get for your next birthday (or Christmas, whichever one is coming up next)? >> ---

24 - Do you suffer from any form of motion sickness? >> No.

25 - Do you contribute regularly to any Facebook groups at all? >> No.

26 - When was the last time you weighed yourself? Were you happy with the numbers you saw? >> Over a month ago, I guess, I don’t really remember. I’m never happy with the number, but at least it hadn’t changed.

27 - Have you got any chronic health issues? What do you do to try and manage them as best you can? >> No.

28 - Did the last drink you had contain caffeine or alcohol? >> Yeah, I drank a cider.

29 - What’s your favourite scent of perfume or body spray? >> I prefer a particular roll-on oil. The scent’s name is usually “Opium”.

30 - Would you rather live in a mansion, a cottage or a penthouse apartment? >> A cottage.

[nostalgiaispeace]

2179.

1 - Have you ever seen an episode of My 600lb Life? i have

2 - Do you feel bad when someone asks you to hang out and you say no? for a bit

3 - When was the last time you turned down plans with someone? What did you decide to do instead? idk

4 - Have you ever had any “unusual” or exotic pets? If you could own any animal, what would it be and why? i’ve had lizards

5 - How often do you wash your hair? every other day

6 - What have you found the hardest about the current Pandemic? nothing really

7 - And what about the easiest? Has anything improved in your life because of what’s happened? idk

8 - If you have multiple pets, do they get along with each other? Are they related or even the same species? -

9 - What’s the weather doing right now? Is this good for you, or not? nothing at all.

10 - Do you have any plans for Christmas yet? it’s may

11 - What was the last meal you ate? Did you have anything good? chicken, noodles, and corn.

12 - Do you still buy DVD’s or CD’s? sometimes

13 - Do you live somewhere where strangers say hi to you in the street? Would you like to live somewhere like that? yes

14 - Are there any accents that you really struggle to understand? not really

15 - Have you ever tried any of those meal replacement shakes? yes

16 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Where were you going and what did yo shorts and a tshirt. i went to the store

17 - Do you make up silly nicknames for your pets or family members? sure

18 - What’s your favourite thing to take photographs of? Are you actually any good at photography? my cat and no

19 - Do you have anything interesting planned for the rest of the day? How about for tomorrow or the weekend? i don’t.

20 - Are you living in an area that’s under any lockdown restrictions? Do they have an official end date in sight yet? not anymore

21 - Are you going to take the vaccine for COVID once it becomes available? idk

22 - How much housework have you done lately? Is this more or less than usual? a lot

23 - What gifts are you hoping to get for your next birthday (or Christmas, whichever one is coming up next)? idk

24 - Do you suffer from any form of motion sickness? yes

25 - Do you contribute regularly to any Facebook groups at all? yes

26 - When was the last time you weighed yourself? Were you happy with the numbers you saw? last week

27 - Have you got any chronic health issues? What do you do to try and manage them as best you can? nope

28 - Did the last drink you had contain caffeine or alcohol? i had a sip of diet coke so

29 - What’s your favourite scent of perfume or body spray? believe by britney spears

30 - Would you rather live in a mansion, a cottage or a penthouse apartment? cottage

[szopenhauer]

How did you meet the last person you shared a bed with? through my (now ex) friend Kasia

Do you have any half siblings? do alters count? XD

Do you like the last song you heard on the radio? I listen to yt Cat Pierce - You belong to me :x

How would you react if you found out you had a long lost sister? not talking about OSDD now... WOW

At sleepovers, do you usually stay up all night or actually go to sleep? sleep in the early morning

Is there anything in the room you’re in that’s really dusty? omg yeah

Are any of your relatives vets? my (now ex) friend John is

Who cleans the most in your house? dad?

Do you own any shirts that cost over $100? hell no

What about any shoes? Do you think that’s a lot of money for clothes? it is a lot :o

What’s the movie theatre in your town called? there’s no cinema in here

How many minutes do you consider late? minutes after the expected time obviously

Is there any jam in the fridge right now? yep

What kinds of food do you dunk into milk? none

Do you have any current or past teachers on your facebook friends? tylko tą panią co robiła u nas szkolenie 

Are there any baby pictures of you up? nope

Are you wearing any jewlery that a boyfriend/girlfriend gave you? not currently, it lays right next to me tho

Has a boyfriend/girlfriend ever given you jewlery? sure

Have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? of course

Have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? they don’t drink so...

How expensive is too expensive for a pair of jeans? ugh...

Are there any creepy pictures up on the walls of your house? some might call them creepy, dunno

Do you ever hit electronics if they don’t work? guilty

Do you know who Lisa Simpson is? yasss

Have you ever had a crush on the last person you spoke to online? we’re engaged 

(If your parents married), Do you know where they got engaged? in my mom’s apartment?...

What does your mailbox look like? it’s green and plastic

Have you ever gotten something stuck on the roof? lotki of badmintona notorycznie hahaha

Would your mom make a good president? no way

Do you see movies at home or in the theatre more? home

Do you feel bad when someone asks you to hang out and you say no? mhm

If you have multiple pets, do they get along with each other? Are they related or even the same species? I do not now

Do you have any plans for Christmas yet? sigh...

What was the last meal you ate? Did you have anything good? nothing good

Do you make up silly nicknames for your pets or family members? we do

What’s your favorite thing to take photographs of? Are you actually any good at photography? I take pics of thrifts, weird stuff, insects, flowers, selfies...

Do you have anything interesting planned for the rest of the day? How about for tomorrow or the weekend? I plan to visit my fiancee

Are you going to take the vaccine for COVID once it becomes available? I believe

Do you suffer from any form of motion sickness? it seems Alice does?

Do you contribute regularly to any Facebook groups at all? the one about DID

Have you got any chronic health issues? What do you do to try and manage them as best you can? no comment...

Did the last drink you had contain caffeine or alcohol? it was just water...

What’s your favorite scent of perfume or body spray? ewww, gross

[westboast]

Quarantine

January 29, 2020

Quarantine—“ORIGIN mid 17th century : from Italian quarantina ‘forty days.’”

Confirmed cases of COVID-19 (“coronavirus”) in Seoul: 4.

Days sober: 5.

“Teachers, please wear masks at all times. Please check your temperature at the beginning of work every morning and record in the log in the lobby.”

Keep coming back.

“I don’t know if I love you or not.”

I’m doing this because I want to feel better, be better.

“I know you’re trying to be better, but I can’t really feel that.”

But I wanted to be better for you.

Keep coming back.

“Are you sure you want to delete Grindr? All data and messages will be lost.”

“How’s the new book coming?”

“This is the end of a chapter, not the end of a book.”

“Sometimes you have to walk alone for a while.”

Seoul to Chicago, one way, 575 dollars (U.S.).

“I wonder what you would look like if you lost weight.”

According to the New York Times, a face mask can cut the risk of spreading the virus by 85 percent.

“I wanted you to try to be more attractive for me.”

“I don’t want negative energy in my house. If I let strange people in, I know I’ll have to cleanse and burn sage.”

The blanket that you came on.

The towel that you dried off with.

The ice cream that we couldn’t finish.

“You’re taking this too seriously.”

Keep coming back.

“They found me in a ditch. I had swallowed my own tongue.”

“We aren’t alcoholics. It’s circumstances.”

[Subway doors open] If you are experiencing symptoms of upper respiratory infection... [Subway doors close].

I don’t know how seriously I should be taking this.

“I heard a conspiracy theory that the Chinese government made the virus and they were planning to unleash it on Hong Kong. But it got out of control.”

“Avoid bars and clubs when you’re starting.”

“You’re obsessed with one thing I said.”

“Teachers, please stay out of confined, crowded spaces this weekend.”

“Do you want to go to the club?”

Yes, I don’t want to be at home.

Keep coming back. 

“It looks like the Apocalypse in here, everyone dancing in their masks.”

February 27, 2020, second day of Lent

Confirmed cases of COVID-19 (“coronavirus”) in Seoul: 55.

Days sober: 33.

2020 is not a fin de siècle, but it feels that way to me. Things have ended swiftly since January. For one thing there is the longing that has appeared throughout these posts since leaving Seattle, the idea that I need someone to complete me. I don’t, actually. For too long I have tried to be someone for someone else, many someones. But I don’t need to, actually. And really, I can’t.

Last weekend the confirmed cases of COVID-19, colloquially “the coronavirus,” skyrocketed in Korea. On February 27, the country was at around two thousand cases. This event has been attributed to the activities of a cult based in Daegu which had meetings in Wuhan. Its members contracted the virus and have been hiding from health authorities. Fingers are being pointed in many directions, mostly toward China, often toward President Moon Jae-in. 

Several small countries have barred people from entering from Korea. Taiwan has instituted a 14-day quarantine for anyone entering from here. At present the United States has not yet implemented widespread quarantines for people traveling from East Asia, though plans are in place.

I’m writing this for the future self who reads it. I want him to remember what was going on in late winter. Things are going to change again soon, I think.

Classes were cancelled this week. My coworkers and I had to go in on Friday to prepare for the upcoming term, though it is unclear when that will begin. The mood at work was somber, morose. We wondered if we would have jobs a month from now. “I’ve never experienced something like this,” my coworker said.

The city does not feel right. There are fewer people on the streets. Many restaurants are closed. There are no symphonies, no dance classes. Movie theaters are empty. Airplanes are flying half-full. My coworkers and I went to Lotte World and it wasn’t empty. I liked the knockoff Space Mountain the best. It felt very good, almost defiant, to laugh that much.

The masks are everywhere. The mask itself has become a potent symbol of the last six months. The protesters in Hong Kong wore black masks to identify themselves to each other and obscure themselves from facial recognition software. Now there are lines around the block in Korea for people to buy the dwindling supplies of them. There aren’t enough.

The virus itself is a respiratory condition. It is only dangerous for the elderly, the very young, and those with compromised immune systems. But the panic it has sparked would suggest that it is unusually dangerous. The western media’s coverage of the virus bears all the hallmarks of a racist hysteria. It came from China, from an outdoor market. A place full of raw meat and seafood. It is a foreign, Asian disease. There is a rumor that it originated in a bat that someone ate, a baldly racist suggestion, mingling the vampiric and the Victorian with general cultural ignorance. The New York Times always shows pictures of the masks. Masks, masks, masks. People wear masks in Asia. People use hand sanitizer compulsively in the United States. The hygiene culture of one place looks strange from another.

Ling Ma already told the story of this disease in Severance. That book imagines an airborne fungus from China that spreads around the world and turns people into brain-dead walking corpses. The pandemic is a metaphor for xenophobia against Chinese immigrants. Now we experience the nausea of seeing that xenophobia unfold in real time, as it did during SARS several years ago. The same story will emerge again in another few years. It is socially permissible—totally logical—to fear a disease. It socially impermissible to admit fear of someone Asian. In the case of this disease, these phenomena are one in the same. The recurring story of the Chinese disease creates a pressure valve for people to release their racist fantasies into the public square.

They release those fantasies like steam, soothing, jasmine-scented steam. I am not like them, they think, looking at pictures of Asian cities full of people in masks—sick people, unsanitary people, open-air-market people. No, I am clean. Panic justifies fear justifies racism and intolerance. I’m not racist, I just don’t want your sickness. I’m not racist, I just don’t want you anywhere near me.

Vancouver, 2015:

A CBC report concludes that many new property purchases are being made by Chinese buyers, confirming the widespread belief that this has been the case for years. One catch: they’re mostly Chinese-Canadian.

Seattle, 2014:

“They’re going to be speaking Mandarin in the schools soon!” said a panicked mother at an Italian restaurant.

“Are they?” I said. I was sort of listening. Mostly I was looking at her husband’s third thumb. We had seafood for dinner. It didn’t smell fresh. 

February 28, 2020, third day of Lent

Confirmed cases of COVID-19 (“coronavirus”) in Seoul: 74.

Days sober: 34.

“Why is your mask red?” said my friend James. We were standing on the mezzanine at Apgujeongrodeo Station, near Gangnam.

“It’s all they had left at E-Mart,” I said, as we boarded the escalator. “It’s red so when I start coughing up blood people don’t get upset.” At this point I began pantomiming a tubercular fit.

“You’re being that obnoxious white guy.”

“Oh, sorry.”

That one didn’t land.

I wanted Italian food but my credit card didn’t work. James bought me arrabbiata.

“Red is a good color on you,” he said, looking at the mask, “because you’re white.”

“Thank you. It really brings out my sunburn.”

He laughed. That one landed.

“Could you look over a work email for me?” he said. “I’m worried about my English.”

“Your English is fine.”

“I don’t want it to be fine. I want it to be good.”

“Okay, it’s good.”

“I want it to be great.”

“It’s great.”

“I want it to be more than great.”

“Fine, you’re Shakespeare. Jesus Christ.”

“I’m just forgetting a lot of words.”

“It’s normal. Even I forget words because I don’t hear English all the time.”

“Really?”

“Really. Me and my friends talk about it a lot. I’m forgetting Japanese too. I forgot the word for strawberry the other day.”

“In English?”

“No, Japanese. If I forgot the English word for strawberry that would be a serious problem.”

We finished eating and moved toward the escalator.

“I think there might be a recession,” I said, looking at my phone. “The stock market in the U.S. is tanking.”

“Yeah.”

“All because of what’s essentially a bad cold.”

“It makes no sense.”

“This is what happens when people panic.”

James and I get along well because we roast each other. We took the escalator to the main floor of the mall. The perfume department.

“Oh, they have Chanel,” I said. “I dated a guy who worked at Chanel once and he broke my heart. This used to be very triggering for me. Do they have...” I looked around for it: his cologne. “They do.”

Bleu de Chanel.

I approached the sacred vial and asked for a sample. The clerk sprayed a little card with it. James and I went out the front doors into the night. I began having a meltdown and rubbing the card all over my neck, contaminating myself with memory.

“BREAK MY HEART, BABY!” I yelled hysterically.

“You look really weird right now.”

“OH YEAH!”

“Oh my God, please stop,” he said, grabbing the card and throwing it in the trash.

“You know, the fact that I can joke about this is actually progress. A year ago I would have been destroyed.”

We left the mall in search of an ATM and cigarettes.

“Can we go to a coin noraebang?” I said.

“Sure.”

“Just for one song. There’s a song that I want to sing.”

If you lose your one and only,

There’s always room here for the lonely

To watch your broken dreams 

Dance in and out of the beams 

Of a neon moon.

“Fuck, they don’t have it,” I said, shaking the controller in the booth.

“You only have two minutes to choose.”

“Do people have sex in here?”

“I don’t think so. There’s CCTV.”

I think they do.

“Oh, I’ll do ‘Islands in the Stream’ instead.”

The song started and a disco ball turned on.

[three minutes later]

James: “Your voice is terrible.”

Me: “Fuck you.”

We went back outside.

“Maybe Korea isn’t your country,” he said.

“That’s abundantly clear to me.”

“What will you do tonight?”

“I don’t know. My friend lives around here but I don’t know where.”

“She’s probably going out.”

“Maybe.”

“This is the city of foreigners now. Koreans aren’t going outside because of the virus.”

“I have a flight tomorrow anyway.”

“They’re blaming us now,” he said. “They’re saying Korea is spreading the virus.”

“It’s not really anyone’s fault.”

“Exactly.”

Anyone attempting to find logic in all this will be sorely disappointed.

“Why don’t we have boyfriends?” he said later.

“You said you didn’t want one.”

“That’s true.”

“I might. I think I do. But it turns out you have to be emotionally stable to let someone into your life like that. Plot twist!”

“I can understand that. That’s why I’m not trying. I don’t want to burden someone with my problems.”

“You’re not a burden. You just have to find someone who accepts you. You don’t want someone relentlessly positive. ‘You should try to be happier.’ Yeah, thanks, I hadn’t thought of that. If you think about things, you’ll see that there’s actually a lot to be depressed about.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m tired of seeking people’s approval anyway. Who the fuck are you? I don’t even know who these people are, and they expect me to care about their opinions of me.”

“Exactly. Who the fuck are you?”

A few minutes later we were going back down into the train station. Apgujeongrodeo Station is outside of my emotional quarantine zone. It’s where a lot of memories, blissful, drunk, heart wrenching, have occurred. It’s where I began to realize things were not going to work out with one person. Its where I became friends with my coworkers. It’s where I became friends with James.

“You should change your singing voice,” James said, laughing on the escalator.

“Oh, that’s great. I’ll add that to the suggestion list I’ve gotten here. So I should change my voice, my body, my personality. Am I forgetting anything? Oh, my nationality.”

“Your nationality? What nationality did they want?”

“Australian, apparently, which is hilarious because everyone knows Australian guys are trash.”

“And racist.”

“Yeah.”

In January, around the time the virus appeared in Korea, I decided that things needed to change drastically. I was walking with my friend near Sungshin University Station, another emotionally contaminated point, one night.

“I’m just really hung up on the idea of the quarantine right now,” I said. “It’s like, there’s the literal quarantine with the virus. But then for me personally there is the quarantine from dating, from alcohol. I don’t want these guys, these—what’s the word? I keep forgetting English words...It’s a scientific word...Variables! I don’t want any more variables in my life right now. I wish I could disinfect my house and get the memories out, because they’re all I can see when I’m in that room. And now if I do wind up quarantined, literally quarantined, I’ll be trapped in the room with the memories, even though I’ve quarantined myself from dating.”

I suppose that is what a quarantine is: being trapped in a room with your own problem. The purpose of a quarantine isn’t so much to protect yourself as it is to protect others from you. Here is where my dating metaphor breaks apart. I’m not quarantining myself from anyone, actually, because there’s nothing wrong with me. 

To another friend: “Love in the Time of Coronavirus.”

That one didn’t land.

The Catholic observance of Lent began on Wednesday. It is forty days of fasting. Lent is a time to reflect on desire, among other things. It is a season to eschew something that brings one pleasure, in order to more fully appreciate it once it’s returned. This year I’m not fasting, because I haven’t given up anything that I actually enjoy. How can one fast from something never savored? How can one give up what was never really there?

—Seoul

[lalka-laski]

1. It’s Thursday at noon, where are you usually? I’ve actually been off work on Thursdays lately, so at that time of day I’m usually home getting ready for the day or doing chores or something. 

2. Who are the last people to send you a text message? Ryan 

3. What brand of shampoo is in your shower right now? Biolage. It’s the kind that my mom’s hairdresser used for her growing up so it has a very comforting, nostalgic smell to me! 

4. What are you listening to right now? Not a thing 

5. Do you watch MTV anymore? I don’t have cable. And I wouldn’t even if I did. Ok, that’s not true. I’d still watch some Jersey Shore... 

6. You need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first? Buckle has been my go-to for jeans lately. Although I do also like Aeropostale for jeggings. 

7. How do you feel about your hair? I just answered this in a previous survey. My hair is garbage right now! 

8. What time do you wake up for school? I’m not in school anymore. 

9. What movie is in your DVD player? How old is this survey? DVDs are obsolete now, man. 

10. Last two numbers in your phone number? I’m too lazy to check

11. Who’s in your house? I’m not home currently but Glenn is

12. What side of the bed do you sleep on? The left side, although I usually end up in the middle. Much to Glenn’s dismay.

13. Do you like roller coasters? I loved them as a kid but my tolerance for them has all but diminished with age. I’m too anxious now!

14. What magazine(s) do you look at the most? I used to be a magazine FIEND but I hardly read them anymore. For some reason, my office gets Cosmo delivered monthly and I like to skim through it sometimes before tossing it.  15. What kind of car do you drive? I don’t!

16. What do you think about gay marriage? Well I’m not a complete trash person so I support it fully. 

17. What do your pants look like? They’re slip-on jeggings with tummy control. 

18. Do you own an iPod? I haven’t in ages. I don’t even know what I did with the one I used to own

19. What kind of cologne/perfume do you wear? I’m not much of a perfume-y person but like scented lotions and LIGHT body sprays. My favorite scents are Bath & Body Works Lavender Cedarwood or Honolulu Sun. I’ve also been wearing this pink apple scent from Victoria’s Secret lately that smells pretty good! 

20. What are your plans for Saturday? It is Saturday! I’m at work till about 12 and then I want to get some cleaning and chores done at home. And then Glenn & I are gonna take a trip to Barnes & Noble like old times, although seating areas still aren’t available yet so it’ll be a bit of a sad time.

21. What is the dumbest thing you have ever done with your cellphone? Dropped it in the toilet. I’ve dropped it numerous other places too but the toilet was probably the worst of it. 

22. Does mind over matter work for you? I’m working on CBT techniques! I can certainly see how they’re effective. 

23. Are you paranoid? Extremely. 

24. What was the last thing you were invited to? I have a wedding invitation coming in the mail any day now. Very excited about that!

25. What item should never be shared? A FUCKING TOOTHBRUSH. I just recently learned that some of my friends share toothbrushes with their spouses and I want to vomit just thinking about it. 

26. Have you ever sat all the way through Gone With the Wind? I’ve never tried to. Though it’s been making headlines lately for its racial themes so maybe it’s a movie I oughtta watch. 

27. When was the last time you were up all night? Last week 

28. Does drinking alcohol make you act more like your true self? I get more daydreamy and more lost in my head. Which I guess is my truest self so... yeah.

29. Where is your favorite place? My bed

30. Do you ever think about marriage? I sure do! Glenn & I have very serious plans for it. That will likely be happening sooner than I think... 

31. Do you sleep with a fan on? Every night. And lately we’ve been doubling up with an oscillating fan and the ceiling fan 

32. What is the best thing about winter? I love the magic of the first snowfall, I love the holiday season, I love the cozy food. There’s lots to love! 

33. Have you ever been truly in love? I currently am. And what a feeling it is!

34. How many states have you been to where all you saw was the airport? 2-3?

35. Are you currently planning a trip? My godmother just booked our cottage for August and I’m PRAYING my work schedule will allow me to go. 

36. How many plants are in your home? Several fake ones and then one succulent and one aloe plant that is on its last legs. I’ve never had a green thumb!

37. Have you ever googled a name and found somebody? Yeah?

38. What is your favorite possession? My baby blanket, my childhood teddy bear, my Claddagh ring, my promise ring. 

39. What makes you feel like you are young again? Piggybacking off my previous answer, I’ll say my baby blanket and my teddy bear. His name’s Lemonade, btw! 

40. Do you ever type “kik” instead of “lol”? Ya know it doesn’t happen so much anymore 41. Do you know how to play chess? Not even slightly and I have no desire to learn

42. What are you worrying about right now? Ehh, let’s not go there. 

43. Are you picky? With food? Not at all. With people? Yes. 

44. You have one wish, what would it be? A life free from anxiety & insecurity  45. Where were you at 11:45 PM today? It hasn’t happened yet! 

46. Ever talked to someone that was high? Mhm

47. How tall is the person you like? Shorter or taller? He’s roughly my height. Some days he’s a teeny bit taller though.

48. Sent last message to? My college friends groupchat 

49. Last person you left comment for? I think it was on the business page for my sister’s workplace

50. Do you have a Facebook? Yep yep

52. Last person you were in the car with besides your family? Glenn 

53. Do you own a polo? I used to own several when I worked at Starbucks, but I burned them in a bonfire on my last day. Freedom!

54. Are you currently frustrated with a boy? Nah, I’ve got a good one

55. Are you excited for winter? I like winter but I want to enjoy my summer & fall first!

56. If it was free and it would work perfectly, would you get plastic surgery? I sure would. I got a list of procedures I’d get...

57. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? Yep... 

58. Have you ever been called prince or princess? Yes :) Glenn calls me princess frequently. 

59. Do you go to a gym? No but maybe I should start. Not even for the physical benefits but mostly the mental ones.

60. Do you like your body? I’ve dropped a lot of weight in the past few months so I certainly feel more comfortable lately. But I’m still only halfway to my goal. 

61. What do you hear right now? Just the sound of my own typing 

62. Who was the last person to tell you “I love you”? Glenn this morning

63. If you had to change your eye color, would you? What would it be? I actually like my eye color. I might opt for a more vibrant green shade if I could choose but mostly I like them as is. 

64. Last thing you wrote your name on? A sheet of paper a few minutes ago 

65. What do you want for Christmas? That’s too far away to even consider!

66. Does it snow where you live? It’s pretty much what we’re known for here

67. Where did you get the pants you’re wearing right now? Kohl’s 

68. When is the next time you will see your grandma? I honestly don’t know. Her and my grandpa live in assisted living and all those facilities have been locked down due to Covid. And they show no signs of reopening soon

69. Do you wear makeup every day? I’m too lazy for that 

70. What is it tomorrow? Sunday Funday (actually Sunday laundry & grocery shop day. Still....fun?)

[automaticpostinfluencer]

April Fools’ Day jokes risk becoming tone deaf amidst coronavirus

A Google April Fools’ prank from last year teased a project to let people understand the thoughts of tulips.

Screenshot by CNET

For the most up-to-date news and information about the coronavirus pandemic, visit the WHO website.

Every year on April 1, companies big and small flood the internet with elaborate pranks, absurd announcements and bogus blog posts. Last year, Google teased a project to understand the thoughts of tulips through the company’s Assistant voice software. Lockheed Martin said it had developed a perfume that smells like outer space. And McDonald’s launched the McPickles burger, which just has a whole lot of pickles.

Regardless of whether the stunts elicit a chuckle or an eye roll, they’re usually harmless. This year, however, April Fools’ Day could prove particularly fraught.

With the coronavirus pandemic, the world is facing a crisis unprecedented in our lifetimes. The public, much of it sheltering in place, is going stir-crazy in front of computer screens. And a deluge of misinformation is swirling online about COVID-19, the disease caused by the virus. 

Google, which for two decades has been the poster child for April Fools’ shenanigans,  is canceling all its pranks this year, according to a report Friday by Business Insider. “This year, we’re going to take the year off from that tradition out of respect for all those fighting the Covid-19 pandemic,” Lorraine Twohill, head of marketing at Google, wrote in an email to company managers. “Our highest goal right now is to be helpful to people, so let’s save the jokes for next April, which will undoubtedly be a whole lot brighter than this one.”

Google declined to comment. 

In this environment, the whole idea of April Fools’ could be straight-up tone deaf. Though some people might appreciate a good joke, others might want big companies to just sit this one out, especially as so much anxiety and uncertainty hangs in the air. “Right now it might be hard for companies and individuals to read the room virtually,” said Coye Cheshire, a professor at the University of California, Berkely’s School of Information, who studies the internet’s effects on social psychology. “The potential to misread where the public is on this is really high.” 

Now playing: Watch this: Coronavirus lockdown: Why social distancing saves lives

5:41

Or as one viral tweet put it: “April fool’s cancelled this year cause ain’t shit funny.” As of this writing, the tweet has almost 600,000 likes.

There’s nothing wrong with some lighthearted fun. Laughter and levity are welcome distractions given the grim news everyone sees each day, and jokes can be a good coping mechanism. The problem is that a tradition that’s been embraced by the world’s biggest companies — with huge marketing and public relations departments — is also being adopted by smaller companies that don’t have the resources to ensure their pranks are clearly taken as jokes, rather than satire that could be mistaken as real. 

Google, Facebook and Twitter are already battling misinformation on their platforms. Over the past few weeks, friends and family have sent me a host of bogus news. I was told not to go outside because “special military helicopters” are spraying pesticides to fight the virus. Someone sent a photo of a citation for violating shelter in place orders. (It was just a doctored parking ticket.) And I saw posts with home remedies, including drinking vinegar or plasma water.

Snopes, a fact-checking website, said earlier this month that the “magnitude” of coronavirus misinformation spreading across the internet is “overwhelming” the company’s resources. Imagine how bad it could get on April Fools’ Day, an unofficial holiday that encourages online trickery.

The danger is compounded by how much more time people are spending online while they’re stuck at home. All day, people are smothered by information they may not be able process in the way they would during less stressful times. “People might not register something as a joke because they’re inundated,” said Cheshire.

Kathleen Hall Jamieson, a communications professor at the University of Pennsylvania, worries that jokes about the virus could be misconstrued for the truth. That includes anything involving public health or the response to the pandemic, like pranks about the supply of toilet paper, which could trigger panic buying.

If it seems unthinkable that someone might pull a prank involving public health, consider what happened when a pair of radio DJs in Florida told listeners in 2013 that the local water supply was contaminated with dihydrogen monoxide. That’s just the chemical name for water. But confused listeners flooded the local utility with concerned calls. The stunt forced county officials to issue a statement reassuring the public the water was safe. Now think about how that might play out with a lighthearted but poorly executed coronavirus joke online.

“I worry about people playing around the edges,” Jamieson said. “When people are anxious, they tend to joke about the things they are afraid of. The danger is that they will misfire.” 

A Silicon Valley tradition

It’s instructive to look at Google to understand the history of April Fools’ Day in Silicon Valley. The freewheeling search company is sort of the patron saint of the unofficial holiday. There’s a Wikipedia page devoted to the company’s past pranking exploits, with entries dating back two decades. One gag, from 2005, was Google Gulp, an energy drink that analyzed your DNA and made you smarter. In 2010, the company jokingly changed its name to “Topeka,” the capital of Kansas.

But even the search giant, with its massive marketing and PR teams, can slip up. Four years ago, Google introduced a “mic drop” feature for Gmail that would insert a GIF of a Despicable Me minion dropping a microphone to signify triumph. Some people used the button accidentally, angering their bosses. Google was forced to apologize. “We love April Fools’ jokes at Google,” the company said. “We regret that this joke missed the mark and disappointed you.”

This year April Fools’ comes as Google and other tech giants have earned praise for their response to the pandemic, a rare pat on the back after years of criticism for privacy lapses and data collection scandals. Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Linkedin, Microsoft, Google and YouTube (which Google owns) are collaborating to stamp out misinformation and surface authoritative voices, like the World Health Organization. “We are working closely together on COVID-19 response efforts,” the companies said in a joint statement.

Facebook and Twitter are highlighting government sources when people search for “coronavirus” and related terms on their platforms. Google took the unusual step of overhauling its search results page for coronavirus queries, adding a set of links along the left rail of the screen, bold and accented in red. Google has also convened a 24-hour incident response team to make sure the information it provides is aligned with that of the WHO. 

Google, to its credit, likely realized all that work could be undermined by a poorly executed prank.

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