#I spent way more time on this than it deserved

[enwoso]

CASUAL — leah williamson

wow, it’s a long one. this has admittedly taken me so long to write. i had the idea of this fic at the start of october but for some reason its just took so long to actually finish lol, but anyways as always hope you enjoy🤍

warning: implied smut, mdni 18+

masterlist

"girl where did you end up last night?" your best friend and also flatmate, amelie asked as you sat in your local cafe debriefing from last nights' night out events over a 'morning' coffee — it was more late afternoon — the two of you having very different endings to the night.

you sat swirling the dregs of your coffee around as you tried to find the way to explain, not so much how you didn't end up back at the flat cause you know she's knows that after catching you walking through the front door at nine am this morning in last nights clothes your head hanging from both the severe amount of alcohol you'd consumed last night but also in slight shame.

it was more whose apartment you stayed at you were trying to find the words to tell her about.

"oh y/n. you didn't did you-" amelie began as you nodded as a defeated sigh left your lips. that being all the clarification your best friend needed. ok, it may not be your proudest moment but who are you to deny a sexy, goddess of a women. but you knew this was heading in the direction of your getting another ear full.

"y/n.. what have i told you, you need to cut all ties with leah. you deserve someone who's going to treat you so much better-" amelie reached out grabbing your hands as you were still looking down at your coffee cup, you looked up a little.

you knew she was right, but you couldn't admit that to yourself. there was something about leah she was addicting and no matter how many times you ended up in between her sheets telling yourself it was the last time, it always happened again.

"yeah but-" you began but amelie gave you a stern look as her eyebrows raised as you rolled your eyes, "ok i get the message, i'll put it on my to-do list — cut leah williamson off." you dryly said, knowing it would be easier said than actually done.

"seriously you need too, your acting like a loser-" amelie continued as you opened your mouth to say something about the small insult she'd thrown your way but you were unable to. "you are though, your better than the rumours that people are spitting-"

"how do you-"

"people talk y/n!"

you'd heard the rumours going around the locals plus there'd been some article posted on an instagram post noticing you in leah's car after a match — you being labelled as 'mysterious girl'.

you weren't known to the media, thank god, you were lucky if you had over two hundred followers as if you had anymore than that fans would have an absolute field day with the news.

instead you were just a normal, twenty six year old girl who'd grown up in north london and had the usual nine to five corporate job as well as having a casual relationship with the leah williamson but you kept that under wraps as after all it was just something which was casual.

you'd met through a mutual friend of yours who also happened to be one of leah's teammates. lotte, who you went to school together and you'd stayed somewhat in contact. it always being a pleasant surprise to see her whenever your paths crossed.

you had bumped into her in a coffee shop near hours before you were being pressed up against a club wall by a blonde defender, having had one too many. the two of you had spent the night being overly touchy and flirting, her lips being felt all around your body leaving your skin feeling hot and your head all fuzzy.

"mine or yours?" leah whispered against your ear, as her teeth grazed your earlobe, you having to refrain yourself from whimpering. leah's hands gripping your hips as your were tangled in the ends of her hair.

"yours" you managed to get out, although it was quiet leah hear every letter. her hands reaching up to grab your hand as she dragged you through the club and towards the exit without as much of a bat of an eyelid towards her friends who she was leaving behind.

to both your luck there was a black cab waiting on the side of the road, both of you taking the chance to get in as leah immediately told the driver her address.

leah's hand stayed on your thigh the entire time as her thumb drew little circles absentmindedly, the busy streets of london making it feel like it's taken hours just to get a few minutes up the road.

as you watched out the window there was a cloud of regret you knew you'd feel in the morning but right now that wasn't what you mind wanted. you right now wanted leah.

so as soon as you cross the threshold of her apartment, you were pinned against the wall. the coldness sending a sharp shiver down your spine. "your so gorgeous" leah whispered as her eyes darkened, the sweet innocence of her blue eyes long gone.

inching closer so that your faces were impossibly close, taking one of her hands as it lands on the back of your neck and kisses you. slow but deep.

letting yourself get lost in her lips as it becomes more passionate and searching but then leah leans back a little, realising that you were in the middle of her hallway.

"come with me, baby" she whispers, her accent thick as the pet name rolls off her tongue but laced with love making your head spin even more as she extends her hand for you to grab as she leads you towards her bedroom, pushing the door open with her foot as her other hand laces itself back around you waist pulling you back to being impossibly close to her.

giving her a teasing look as she kisses you again this one more needy and fervent. feeling her hands all around your body nipping and pulling at your skin as you feel the back of you legs on the edge of her bed. a slight push and you back met with softness of her white sheets.

a small moan leaving leah's lips into the kiss as she felt your hands gently squeeze her ass, feeling her smile against your lips knowing that you were having the same affect on her as she was on you. you were both driving each other crazy.

as the kiss grow more sloppy as whines were being strung from both of your lips, your hips mindlessly starting to slowly grind against her. leah moving to kiss your neck leaving small kisses and sucking on your neck that elicited small moans from your lips as your breathing hitches.

leah's kisses to your neck becoming more intense you could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter by the second as you hips carried on to move against her. your hands lingering on her back as your nails dug that little deeper, more than likely leaving scratch marks.

"please le-" you moan out softly, needing more.

-

that wasn't the last time you saw the blonde defender, nor the last time you ended up with your limbs tangled between each other.

whenever the other had, had a drink or just when you needed company leah seemed to always be there. you felt like you craved her at all hours of the day. you found your mind sometimes wondering what she may be doing when you weren't by her side.

but you weren't together, it was just a casual thing. is what you found you were telling yourself.

but with each weekend that passed you found yourself spending them with leah more and more often. which is exactly what had happened this weekend.

leah had called you, she never calls you only ever texts. strange is what you thought when you saw her caller id on the screen a small smile slipping onto your lips as you pressed accept.

"hello?" you said as leah was yet to speak, you thought maybe she had called the wrong number. maybe she hadn't meant to call you .

"hi y/n-" she finally spoke but she lacked her usual confident tone, this time it had been replaced with a nervous shake of her accent. like she had something in her head that she needed to get out.

"did you need something le?" you ask as there is a deafening silence on the other end, a few rustling sounds before leah clears her throat.

"um are you doing anything this afternoon-" leah paused as you think to your plans for the afternoon, "more specifically are you doing anything at two?" leah continued as she waited your response as you hummed.

"no i should be free, why?" you asked wondering what this was going to lead to, what did she have planned.

"fabulous!" a breath of relief was let out from leah as she had a big grin on her face on the other line which if you could have saw would have made you smile, "since you aren't doing anything, do you wanna come to my match?"

you felt as though her words had just fell on deaf ears, you couldn't believe what you were actually hearing. ever since you and leah had- well whatever your relationship was it had always been in the darkness of everyone else, behind peoples back and away from prying eyes.

this felt like a step, you didn't know what direction but it felt like it meant something good.

as you tried to contain your happiness you nodded forgetting she wasn't actually in the room with you, "i- um i would love to le"

"great! i'll erm get your tickets sorted and send them over" leah explained as you hummed along before she quickly had to say her goodbyes claiming that she needed to get her pre match routine started.

since having to re-organise your afternoon, you were now going around rushing trying to find an outfit. not knowing if it was too cliche you going in an arsenal jersey of leah's or whether a subtle hint of red in your outfit would be a better idea.

deciding on just the subtle hint of red, finding a red cap which just so happen to also be leah’s which she’d left at yours after one night.

once you got the match you were amazed at the amount of people who had turned up, yourself not being as clued in of how big a scale women’s football was as admittedly you didn’t exactly have a big interest in football or in sport in general.

but for leah, you’d sit and watch football match after match if you knew it would make her happy.

once you found your seat in the stand you quickly sent the blonde a message not expecting her to even reply but she did.

Y/N:) - i’m here! good luck, i’ll be cheering you on☺️

LE<3 - i seen you! i’ve been looking for that hat. but i think it’s found a better home now;)

LE<3 - meet me near the dugout at the end!

finding yourself smiling at her messages as she sent another telling you what to say to the security so they would let you in to where leah wanted you to be, before slipping your phone back into your pocket ready to watch a game of football.

the ninety minutes felt as if they flew by, and at first you must admit you didn’t exactly understand what you were watching so you just cheered when everyone else around you did, but at the first half and definitely into the second half you managed to get a few rules down — with the help of a google search..

watching as leah walked around clapping and waving to fans looking so effortlessly good in her kit and with the fact she’d just run around for a good ninety minutes it never managed to fail to surprise you how easy she made it look.

despite the team only coming out with a draw which you knew leah would be slightly huffed about especially since they were by far the better team, you still were incredibly proud of her.

walking down and reciting the exact words that leah had messaged you to the security you made it to where she had told you to meet her, but that’s when a certain someone recognised you. a wide smile and arms wide open for you.

"oh y/n it's lovely to see you" amanda engulfed you in a hug, a warm fuzzy but also bittersweet feeling filling your chest. you'd met her mum totally by accident one of the first times that you and leah slept together. she'd been dropping of groceries for her daughter. leah trying to rush you out the door before things got to awkward.

but instead amanda being the polite women she is asked her daughter to introduce you to her. it ending up you stayed an extra two hours longer than you'd planned much to leah's discomfort, but in a way that made it all the more that enjoyable.

"what you doing after here?" amanda asked as she pulled you out the hug, leah lingering just behind you chewing the inside of her lip. "just if your not busy you can always join us for a few drinks" amanda smiled so sincerely as you thought over the invitiation briefly, would it be awkward - maybe? but friends can go out for drinks too!

“yeah, i’d love too” you grinned as a small cheer left amanda’s lips, you seeing the slight falter of a look on leah’s face before it turned back to her signature tight lipped frown.

or maybe you did it just to spite the blonde defender who stood so nervous next to you.

"brilliant! leah we'll wait out at the cars for you" amanda directed towards her daughter as she nodded a small sigh leaving her lips as she plastered on a fake smile, you knew there was a part of her that didnt want you there but that just added fuel to your fire.

amanda looping her arm with yours as the two of you walked towards where the cars would be at the back of the emirates stadium to take you and the williamson family for a few drinks to celebrate the win.

"so how have you been?" amanda asks as she walks beside you, a genuine interest in her tone, as you hum catching her up with your life which hadn't been all that exciting, most days merging into one.

"leah tells me you've been helping her with some business project? how's it going?" amanda asks and you swear your throat started to close up, your words getting stuck in between your lips as your eyes goes wide.

"oh- um yeah it's coming together-" quite literally. you stutter out a response hoping it doesn't raise to much suspicion and praying that the topic is over with just as quick as it came.

"leah won't give me a clue what it's about" amanda complains as she continues to tell you about the countless times she tried to get it out of her daughter as you hummed along more in your head as to why leah would say you were just business partners? why not just say your friends, cause after all you were?

"mhm well i won't be one to spoil the surprise then" you nervously chuckled as you saw the cars in the distance knowing you were close to the end of the conversation. amanda letting out a groan as she hoped she'd be able to get the big surprise out of you but that would be pretty hard considering there was no big surprise.

you were going to have to talk with leah, which would be a little odd as when the two of you were alone, not much talking would be done well not the converse action.

amanda letting go of your arm as she got into the other side of the cab, leah coming out the exit of the back of the stadium as she jogged quickly getting into the people carrier. sitting herself in the seat next to you as she shot you a soft smile.

-

the night was actually going smoothly, leah seemed to get out of whatever strop she was in when you were stood with her family in the emirates and was actually talking to you now. well more flirting with you. her hand getting dangerously high up on your thigh as she spoke.

"have i told you how pretty you look-" she blurted out as you took a small sip of your drink, a small smile appearing on your face as you lifted the glass from your lips and back to the table.

"you may have mentioned a few times" you whispered as this time it was leah's time to smile as her hand drifted a little further up your thigh as you shot her look as she squeezed your thigh making you jump in your seat a little.

"le-" you harhsly said inbetween your teeth as she looked at you so innocently as if she had not clue what she was doing to you but you know she knew. leah knew what her touch was doing to you and how it was affecting you.

leah had you right where she wanted you and honestly, you were going to let her - you'd face the consequences later on. right now, you wanted her, in more ways than one.

standing up with a loud scrape of your chair, all eyes turning to land on you, "m'sorry just- i'll be back-" you stutter out, your cheeks all flushed as you made a beeline straight for the toilets.

amanda looking worryingly over her shoulder at you before turning to leah, who just simply shrugged that making her mum's eyebrows furrow even more.

"i better go and check on her" leah stood up excusing herself as she followed suit pushing the door on the pub toilet door seeing you touching up your lip gloss as you regained your composure from the feeling on her hands on your body.

leah locking the door behind her, a rye smile on her lips as she stepped just that little bit closer to you, feeling your heart beat just that little bit faster.

was it nerves, probably but maybe it was more the uncertainty as you never knew what you were going to get with the blonde.

"are you sure?" leah whispered as she placed a quick kiss to your cheek before resting her hands to your hips as a smug smile came from you before you nodded.

"do you think you can keep up?" leah teased as your shot her a shocked look as she pulled you into deeper into the bathroom, your back now pushed flush against the sink.

"i'm sure i can.. business partner-" you whisper as you inch closer to her, making your eyes switch between her eyes and lips a flash of shock appearing on her face.

but just as leah opened her mouth to say another teasing comment, you wrap your hand behind her neck and slam your lips against hers. the kiss quickly turning heated when leah's tongue enters your mouth as a familiar warmth floods your body in seconds,

her hands gripping at your waist as she tugs you closer to her without breaking the kiss. the sound of your lips together was enough to leave an uncomfortable throbbing inbetween your legs.

leah pulls back for a moment searching for anything in your eyes that may say that you don't want this but there was nothing but lust, a small whine leaving your lips at the loss of contact in your lips before leah's diving right back in.

the sound that had been blasting through the pub had now quieten to a mere hum as your focus was solely now on the girl in front of you.

her hands placed on the small on your back slightly pushing in to make your back arch as your chest pushed into her. as leah's hands soon made their way slowly to slide down you your ass as your tongues graze against each other.

"so pretty for me, my love" your heart jumps at her loving tone as you feel the blood rush to your cheeks, leah's words always having some sort of effect on you and always leaving you feeling flustered.

leah's eyes roam your figure as her hand traces absentmindedly, as if she planning her next attack on your body. the blonde noticing the way your breath hitched when her fingers sit on your pulse point on your neck.

leah rotating her hand so her fingers lie gently against it awaiting your reaction as she smirks watching as you squeeze your eyes shut, as your hands grip against the rim of the sink.

a small chuckle leaves leah's lips as she leans down to press her lips to your neck sucking harshly on your sweet spot. a string of little whimpers leave your pretty little lips as you tilt your head more to the side allowing leah to have more access.

"le, please do something" you beg, feeling her hand roam underneath your hoodie, grazing across your breasts.

"don't be impatient baby girl" she rasps against your ear, tugging down on it with her teeth as you feel your self squeeze your thighs together. hoping it will help you relieve some tension between her legs.

leah finally lifting your hoodie over your head as she throws to the ground of the pub bathroom. usually you would have felt embarrassed as you would feel your whole body want to cower aways but with leah, it felt different. it felt good, it felt right.

-

it was a typical saturday night, leah had her home match at the emirates on the sunday so she was taking advantage of her the small out of rest time she had. a small hum of the tv playing in the background as you watched it, but really all your mind could focus on was the fact leah’s fingers were combing through the ends of your hair.

you were lying wrapped in leah's arms on her couch as the tv played, leah focused on some insta reel on her phone. you head tucked on her chest as it heaved up and down, the wholesome of the interaction. it felt like it was meant to be — it felt real.

"le?" you whispered your head turning to look up at the blonde as a small hum left her lips, her phone lowering a little.

"where do you see yourself in a year?" you asked, it was something that played on your mind a lot, cause would you still be in some casual relationship with leah or would you have your own apartment and she’d show you off to her friends as something more.

you were more hoping for the second option, since the months had passed since you both promised out of breathe that there wouldn’t be any strings attached.

and boy oh boy had that changed, especially since your favourite bra lived in her dresser. it was pretty hard to be casual.

“cause maybe we’d be more and going on cute little dates in a cafe before you’d go off to training” you began as you sat up, you rambling on as your hands flew around with some enthusiasm making you miss the way leah’s face changed.

“and then when you come home i’d be there waiting, your dinner on the table-“ you paused as you looked down to see leah’s face, puzzled but also her eyes they told you a different emotion, not the same energy you had but it was sadness — more a sense of guilt.

“i- sorry i got ahead of myself” you mumbled as your back sunk into the back of her couch, the further side from her.

leah shook her head, and you were half expecting her to wrap you in a hug and kiss your cheek and tell you it was okay and that maybe she felt the same way.

but she didn’t.

"y/n, remember, we're not together-" leah cut straight to the point, her tone blunt as you felt your heart drop and your brows furrowing and a quickly developing pout spreading across your lips.

you let out a shaky breath as you nodded slowly, you understood. she had kept her side of the promise of no strings attached. “i- just thought maybe?” you said so quietly it only came out as a whisper as you fidgeted with your fingers.

looking up to see leah’s face it told you everything you needed to know. you’d only known the blonde for a several amount of months but you knew her well enough to know what her face was telling you without actually having to say the actual words.

“oh i get it” you scoffed slightly, choking back on the tears which pricked at your eyes. all it ever was going to be was casual.

leah’s opened her mouth but nothing came out as she sat herself up on the couch but before she could even attempt to reach out to you, you were up from the couch. slipping your shoes on your feet. you didn’t want to be in the same room as her.

“y/n- don’t” leah finally managed to get out as she followed your actions following you into her hallway which was littered with her football memorabilia from her glittering career. but you shook your head, her voice to painful to hear as you stopped with your back to her just before the front door.

"do you know what's actually quite funny-" you paused to let out a little chuckle as you stood mere metres from the door, as you looked up from your shoes spinning slightly so you faced her. leah stood her shoulders sunken as she tried to plead with you not to leave.

"i actually thought i meant something to you- but i guess that's just how little i actually meant to you" you sighed as tried to steady your breath, tears prickling at your eyes ready to fall at any moment.

"i- i was ready-" you paused as your words got stuck in your throat, leah reaching out for you as you took a step back. "i was ready to give you my everything" you admitted it coming out just a little louder than a whisper.

"y/n-"

“no leah, you’d made it clear how you feel” you spat out as you spun on your heal, leaving leah calling out your name but your ignored her, reaching for the door and hearing how it clicked shut behind you.

part of you was hoping she was going to rip her front door open and call after you and not stop until you were back in the warmth of her arms but the corridor in her apartment block was silent.

the other part of you hated yourself how long you had let it drag out for, but now you were free. she can go to hell.

stumbling through the street as your tears fell down your cheeks, tapping away at your phone until you found the contact you wanted, the dial drilling through your ear a few times before it got to voicemail.

you sighed as you heard the beep, "i cut her off, amelie."

[chanafehs]

My Veilguard review:

Note - I will be honest in saying this is very long and very negative. If you enjoy this game please don't let me be the one to ruin that for you and skip on this post. I will be discussing spoilers. This is just my opinion so please don't crucify me for it.

I think my thoughts about this game were shaky to begin with as I had been exposed to different spoilers and information before the launch. I wasn’t actually expecting this game to be amazing but as someone whose favorite Dragon Age game is Dragon Age 2, which is arguably the weakest in the series (until now), I still went in with the impression I would have a good time regardless. I did not have that at all, in fact towards the end of Act 2 and the beginning of Act 3 all I wanted was for the game to be over. 

The problems for me really started right in the beginning with the Inquisitor character choices and their characterization. No choices for your Warden, no choices for your Hawke, and only three choices for your Inquisitor out of the dozens you made in Inquisition. The romance option just felt like a very polite way of asking if you romanced Solas or not, especially after completing the game where your non-solas romance will only get one letter for you to read, outside of that, the Inquisitor will not even mention them. Disbanding the Inquisition meant basically nothing and vowing to stop Solas felt like it had little bearing on what my Inquisitor said when she showed up. 

The time frame to make Dragon Age 2 was just over a year and somehow included more choices from Origins than Veilguard did with over ten years of production. That is the information that's been banging around in my head throughout this entire game. In Dragon Age 2, we get the consequences of our decisions with Alistair’s fate and we get extra dialogue concerning Isabela/Zevran/Leliana/Anders/Nathaniel + some sidequests. Veilguard couldn’t even give us so much of a mention of our Inquisitor’s friendships and the consequences of those friendships outside of Solas. The Inquisitors themselves are locked into one personality type as well, and regardless if you choose to stop Solas or not, they are very amicable toward him. 

During the second cut scene you get with the Inquisitor in Dock Town, they will go on to ask you about your progress and then go on about Solas. Mind you, my Inquisitor is extremely unsympathetic to Solas and I chose the option to stop him no matter what, so why is it that every time I speak to her, she keeps trying to ask me if Solas is being genuine and that he was her friend? That doesn’t sound like someone who has vowed to stop him. They will also try to draw parallels between you, Rook, and Solas. Even at the end of the game, they will still try to appeal to you to see reason with him. That is essentially all the Inquisitor is there for. Incredibly frustrating. 

Throughout the game you will get missives from the Inquisitor detailing the devastation that is being brought to southern Thedas and every letter feels like more and more of an insult. To keep it short: Southern Thedas as we know it has been essentially wiped out. I think that deserves more than a footnote in some missive most players aren’t even going to see.

So the setting we spent all three games in, that we saved countless times, had our companions and protagonists die for, gets demolished in the background where we cannot see it. Skyhold had to be taken back from demons and whoops, that's not actually something you can do anything about. Nothing the Warden, Hawke, or the Inquisitor ever did mattered at all and it renders everything from the previous games absolutely irrelevant. 

With that aside, the companions are also another issue for me. I found myself having trouble getting attached to any of them and every single time I recruited one I had the internal question “Why are you even here?” None of their companion quests really tie into the story at large, save maybe Harding and Davrin, and they are incredibly boring save for a few cool moments.

The main appeal of Dragon Age for me is the companions, it’s why Dragon Age 2 is my favorite of the series. Despite the overused environments and the rushed production I still had a great time with it because of the companions. I was actually eager to do the companion quests and learn more about them and how they all fit into the main narrative. Even characters I didn’t like, I still understood why they were important to the story. Like I can’t stand Anders but I know why he is there, he has a purpose.

Every companion is painfully amicable towards you even if you decide to be “stern” towards them. I found myself not caring what dialogue option I chose about them because it made absolutely no difference. There is nice, funny nice, and gentle parenting. That is really all you have to work with in terms of the dialogue wheel. It was more difficult to get disapproval than approval and I can probably count on my fingers every time in this game I actually got companion disapproval. There is only one companion in my playthrough that became hardened, Lucanis, and it had virtually no impact on his character other than the fact he leaves for a couple of saves and comes back to kissing your ass. 

Something I actually really liked about BG3 and the previous Dragon Age games was working for your companion approval - this meant actually learning about your companion and what made them tick. If you don't understand them well enough you get disapproval, when you actually listen to their ideas and thoughts you get approval - there is an active effort to get these things. In Veilguard this does not exist and you are essentially promised approval no matter what, meaning there is no encouragement to know who these people are if they're just going to support you regardless.

I have to agree with the Skillup review they made about this game saying that every dialogue option feels like it was made with HR in the room and I one hundred percent agree. This is not how real people talk to each other. This is how teachers talk to toddlers when they want to explain the virtues of sharing toys with their classmates.

It felt honestly insulting at times to be treated like I don’t understand the concept of bigotry, I still have no idea what they were trying to go for with this, like were they trying to appeal to a market of high school boys who hadn’t discovered what empathy was yet? There is zero trust in the player and every dialogue and decision you make in these moments feels handhold-y and preachy. Like Pixar levels of life lessons you learn.

In the moments where I had to settle arguments over coffee and companions not respecting each other's interests, I could not honestly believe this is the same universe with Loghain Mac Tir, Meredith Stannard, fuck even Corypheus. Humor has always existed in Dragon Age and I love the comedic banter between the characters but it was always humor that served as an escape from the oppressive and dark situation around you, here the dark and oppressive situations feel like an escape from the unrelenting friendliness and tone deafness of your companions. 

The companion I probably had the most issue with was Taash and the way they were handled. I’m not going to get too deep into the Bharv scene because even thinking about it makes me cringe but If someone messed up my pronouns and then immediately dropped to do pushups I am most definitely killing us both. Isabela’s explanation is extremely preachy and she proceeds to do the exact thing she says she hates about people messing up pronouns. Anyways. Moving on. 

Taash I think is a good example of how to not write a multiethnic character. I don’t expect a white person like Trick Weekes to understand the first thing that comes with being multiethnic or having strict parents that intersects with that identity but it is most definitely not whatever the hell this is. 

The only thing I can offer here is that as a multiethnic person (my father is Palestinian and my mother is mainly Irish and Seminole) is that there has never been a point in my life where I felt like I had to choose what culture I am let alone give that choice to someone else in my life I just met.

That’s not what being multiethnic is. I do not have to choose between anything - I am whole and I don't need to cut myself into halves and quarters to be accepted.

It also feels subconsciously like you are supposed to choose Rivain as the Qunari are depicted as bigoted and oppressive as they always have been in this game. Knowing all of this really tainted my experiences with them as a character and I understand a lot of other non-binary individuals love the representation they brought on that level but personally, I’m just tired of “queer representation” always coming with racist undertones. Again, this game feels like it always had white queer people in mind, not lgbt poc. 

These kinds of comments are really only made worse knowing what the Qunari take inspiration from - primarily Black and Brown SWANA Muslims. Why should Trick Weekes have any authority over a questline like that is beyond me. 

Also, this sucked. Especially because they said it to Neve too. I don’t really want my non-binary representation sprinkled with Misogyny as well, especially since we can’t really call Taash out on this comment unless you’re playing a woman (as far as I know).

Aside from Taash, I thought the writing around Harding was strange. Don’t me wrong, I love Harding, but I do not remember her being this friendly and people-pleasing in the Inquisition. If you play as a Dalish elf the first thing she says is she’s surprised that you would care about anyone else - there is absolutely no inclination of this kind of perspective in Veilguard. Additionally, despite knowing everything Solas has done and the consequences that had on her ancestors, she still tries to push you to reason with him?

All of her quests about learning about the Titans, experiencing and embracing their anger, and you still want to appeal to Solas? That was another thing I found so weird about this game, throughout the entire story you are being told again and again that Solas cannot be trusted, he is to blame for everything, and will stab you in the back and yet it seems like every companion tries to push back on you if you agree with this viewpoint? 

Also, something I didn't know at this point of the game but I do now is that Solas had killed Varric and she does know this so why is she acting like this knowing Solas had killed her friend who she spent years with?

Genuinely this whole game felt like: Devs: Solas is a villain

Rook: okay understood

Devs: actually nvm you don't understand him if you think he's a villain

The only companion quests I was actually genuinely interested in were Emmrich and his thoughts around death and becoming a lich. Lucanis' quests had the best boss fights for sure. Outside of that, it felt like “Go here with Bellara” or “Go here with Taash” and it got so grating I couldn’t wait for these quests to be over so I could progress with the main story. It felt like an annoying back-and-forth game to finish a main quest just to finish all the companion quests and then go back to the main quest. Like a list of chores to get through before you can have any fun. 

The inclusion of characters like Morrigan and Isabela in this universe was extremely hollow and they do not feel like the Morrigan and Isabela we know at all. With Morrigan there is a bit of an explanation to this with the essence of Mythal however she reiterates that it is still herself and it is only the memories of Mythal that remain inside of her.

In my canon playthroughs of Dragon Age, I romanced both Morrigan and Isabela, so I was curious to see how the developers would address their pasts with our Warden and Hawke. Unfortunately, the answer is that they don’t address it at all. Morrigan hardly mentions her past, leaving us to wonder if Kieran even exists. The game implies that the relationship between Morrigan and the Warden is insignificant; a codex entry oddly suggests, in a very slut-shamey way, that Morrigan had more lovers than there are trees in the forest. Isabela doesn't reference Hawke either, as she fondly remembers Kirkwall for found family and friendship. It seems that if you romanced Isabela or Morrigan, congratulations—your canon doesn’t exist.

I will echo the statement others have made about all the cameos feeling like mascots because that is really what they are. There is no substance to any of them, Isabela only feels like she is there to be a supportive voice for Taash, Morrigan will only really talk about Solas and Mythal-Dorian is the only one who actually gets a substantial quest related to him. I thought he was fine minus the "illegal slavery" bit because what is illegal slavery Dorian. Next up we will discuss legal murder.

Another thing that genuinely broke the immersion for me in this game is how awful the armor is. It is a Dragon Age game so I wasn't expecting Haute Couture but the design is all over the place and nothing looks right. Not to mention the extremely weird orientalist undertones that follow the Lords of Fortune everywhere. The outfit Isabela is wearing is even worse in person and I tried to give this game the benefit of the doubt by thinking we would be getting some underwater mission with her and that would be the explanation behind her bikini outfit - this did not happen.

The belly dancer-esque outfits with the coin-bedazzled turbans were pretty egregious and made me want to limit my time in Rivain as much as possible. For a game released in 2024, I am disappointed we are still dealing with the same Orientalist fantasy tropes. Even the Qunari are more naked in this game than I had ever seen previously. At least DA2 and DAI gave them pants. But hey the Antaam are all blighted and evil so who cares right.

Speaking of the Antaam, a lot of the antagonist motivations for this game genuinely did not make sense to me. The Antaam are suddenly giving up their fear of magic to pair up with...the Venatori? To fight for the elven gods? It honestly felt like they had no idea who to make fight for the Evanuris so they just pulled two of the baddies from the Inquisition and went "We can just use them and call it done". When you press for information on why this is the answer is always a mustache-twirling dialogue about power. Nothing much deeper from that than any of the villains besides Solas. All of the villains, especially Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain, are extremely one-dimensional and have no motivations other than being evil and striving for power. At least Corypheus had cool lines.

I'm not going to get too deep into lore changes since I know a lot of things happened in the comics, books, and TV show (all of which I did not read or watch) but I honestly do think it's a bad idea to have a "soft reboot" while needing to read several books to understand everything. That's not being welcoming to new players that's homework. If you wanted a soft reboot probably don't start off with half your plot and characters coming from various comics and novels people need to catch up on.

The portrayal of the Dalish in this game is inconsistent. When we inform them that their gods are evil and planning to overthrow the world, they respond, "Okay, heard you." How can they accept this explanation so readily? In previous interactions, Solas shared that the Dalish did not listen to him and even threatened him when he revealed this truth. Yet, when we present the same information, they believe us almost immediately. Is there no pushback or skepticism? The Dalish accept everything about the evil elven gods meanwhile Andraste’s followers remain completely unaffected by these revelations.

I think what frustrated me even more was watching our elven companions express grief and regret over the actions of the elven gods like they had something to do with it, painting the Dalish as adjacent to oppressors when they themselves are oppressed in every way. The only thing that remains consistent is the sad boy Solas act about it.

At the end of the game, two of my companions - Harding and Emmrich- were killed. Emmrich's death was unfortunately overshadowed by a zoom-in on a rock and I had no idea he had died until I got the popup. Still, all I can think about is just going "Rock moment" when he died. I don't really have anything negative to say about Harding's death other than the way she went out was fitting for her narrative. Bellara got blighted and there were no consequences for this and she walked away from it - forgive me but I am still under the DAO impression that if you get blighted that's game over but all the rules about the Blight have been changed in this.

I decided to trick Solas, and honestly, I don’t have anything negative to say about it, except that Solas should have noticed me holding the fake dagger since it was clearly in his line of sight. I liked the idea of outsmarting the god of trickery. While it wasn’t extremely satisfying, but I’m okay with how it turned out.

Even as the credits began rolling I still have trouble believing rook's role in any of this. Just the persistent nagging idea that they really just have no place in this story at all. In the beginning I wanted to see how Rook is looped into all of this and how they become central to the fight against Solas but just like with most of the companions, I have no idea why they are here. This should've been the Inquisitor's story to finish.

I'm not going to pretend that everything about this game was irredeemable and terrible. There were genuinely parts I enjoyed and had a good time with. The romance ending scene with Neve was fantastic, even though it took a long time to get there. Davrin was an unexpected aspect of the game that I actually liked, as I never cared much for Grey Wardens before, but he changed my perspective. Harding's mention of the Inquisition was also very sweet. Although I wasn't particularly invested in Emmrich, I loved the conclusion to his quest when he became a lich lord.

While I'm not the biggest Solas fan, I actually really enjoyed the cutscenes between him and Rook because one of my aims with this game was the ability to be mean to Solas and kick him while he was down. They definitely delivered there even though everyone else kept disagreeing with me.

The worlds are beautiful and the CC is definitely the best we've gotten in any Dragon Age game, I spent probably a solid hour in there. The hairstyles are great and the four unibrow choices? Bioware you shouldn't have <3.

Overall I definitely didn't have the best time with this game and towards the end of act 2 I was incredibly bored and the combat became repetitive and stagnant enough that I turned down the difficulty to get through it faster. I can't see myself replaying this any time soon and I am unsure what my stance on Dragon Age is now, do I Ignore this game ever existed or do I carve out everything I liked and pretend this is the Dragon Age I love? I have no idea, I am disappointed at how this game leaves us off and I really wanted to sit here and say It's good but I can't.

I think this game will reach out to and resonate with a different group of Dragon Age fans than me, I just wish I could enjoy it as much as I see other people doing. I was originally going to give this game a 3/10 but knowing you can pet the cats I will give it a very generous 3.5/10.

[onlyhereforpazzi]

Happy Birthday P.

Author note: This is late but we all know life gets hard and well I am finally ready to share this with you all.

Word count: 1373

Warning: Fluff smut slight cursing.

Smut warnings

The morning sun streamed through the window, illuminating the cozy apartment shared by Paige Bueckers and Azzi Fudd. Today was a day of celebration—Paige’s birthday! Azzi had been planning a surprise for weeks, and she was eager to make it special.

As Paige rolled out of bed, she was greeted by the delicious aroma of freshly baked muffins. Intrigued, she quickly got dressed and made her way to the kitchen. There, she found Azzi, wearing a bright yellow apron, bustling around with a smile that could light up the room.

“Happy birthday, Paige!” Azzi exclaimed, turning to face her with a tray of warm muffins. “I made your favorite—blueberry!”

Paige’s heart swelled with joy. “You’re the best, Azzi! This is amazing!” She took a muffin and bit into it, savoring the sweet and tangy flavor. “Mmm, these are perfect!”

After breakfast, Azzi led Paige to the living room, where she had decorated the space with colorful balloons and a big banner that read “Happy Birthday, Paige!” The sight made Paige’s heart flutter. “You really went all out!” she said, beaming.

“Only the best for my favorite person,” Azzi replied, her cheeks slightly pink. “Now, I have a surprise for you. Are you ready?”

“Absolutely!” Paige said, her excitement bubbling over.

Azzi handed Paige a blindfold. “Trust me, okay? No peeking!”

Paige giggled but complied, allowing Azzi to guide her outside. The cool breeze brushed against her skin as they walked. “Where are we going?” Paige asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

“Just a little further…” Azzi said, her voice filled with delight.

After a short walk, Azzi stopped and gently removed the blindfold. Paige blinked against the sunlight and gasped at the sight before her. They were at a beautiful park, filled with vibrant flowers and a small picnic setup under a shady tree. A cozy blanket was spread out, surrounded by a basket filled with treats and a small cake adorned with candles.

“Wow, Azzi! This is incredible!” Paige exclaimed, her heart racing with happiness.

“I wanted to do something special for you,” Azzi said, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “Let’s celebrate!”

They settled onto the blanket, enjoying the delicious spread that Azzi had prepared. As they laughed and shared stories, the atmosphere felt magical. Paige couldn’t help but admire how thoughtful Azzi had been, and how much she cherished their time together.

After finishing their picnic, Azzi pulled out the cake. “Okay, make a wish!” she said, lighting the candles.

Paige closed her eyes and made her wish, then blew out the candles. “What did you wish for?” Azzi asked playfully.

“I can’t tell you! It won’t come true,” Paige replied with a teasing smile.

“Fine, I’ll let it slide this time,” Azzi said, rolling her eyes dramatically. “But you owe me!”

They spent the afternoon playing games, taking photos, and enjoying each other’s company. As the sun began to set, casting a warm golden light over the park, Paige felt a wave of gratitude wash over her.

“Azzi, thank you for today. It’s been the best birthday ever,” Paige said sincerely, looking into Azzi’s eyes.

Azzi smiled softly, her gaze steady. “I’m so glad you’re happy. You deserve the world, Paige.”

Paige felt her heart race, realizing how much Azzi meant to her. “You make me so happy, Azzi. I don’t think I could have asked for a better friend… or a better day.”

Azzi’s expression softened, and she reached for Paige’s hand. “Paige, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you.”

“What is it?” Paige asked, her heart pounding.

“I… I love you. I really do. More than just as a friend,” Azzi confessed, her cheeks turning a shade of pink.

Paige felt a rush of warmth and joy. “I love you too, Azzi! I’ve felt this way for a while now, but I didn’t know how to say it.”

In that moment, the world around them faded away, and all that mattered was the connection they shared. They leaned in closer, their hearts racing, and shared a sweet, tender kiss under the setting sun.

As they pulled away, both of them grinned, feeling lighter than air. “Happy birthday, Paige,” Azzi said, her voice filled with warmth.

“Best birthday ever,” Paige replied, her heart full of love and happiness as they sat together, hand in hand.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Paige looked at Azzi, her eyes sparkling. “So, what now? Do we just sit here and bask in our newfound love?”

Azzi chuckled, her laughter like music to Paige’s ears. “Well, I have a few more surprises up my sleeve if you’re up for it!”

“More surprises? You’ve already done so much!” Paige said, her curiosity piqued.

“Just a little something to make this day even more memorable,” Azzi said, her eyes twinkling mischievously. “I thought we could go to that little ice cream shop you love. You know, the one with the giant sundae?”

Paige’s face lit up. “Oh, I’m definitely in for that! Let’s go!”

They packed up their picnic and made their way to the ice cream shop, laughing and teasing each other along the way. Once they arrived, they stood in front of the colorful menu, eyes wide with excitement.

“What are you getting?” Azzi asked, glancing at Paige.

“I think I’ll go for the triple chocolate fudge sundae,” Paige declared, her mouth watering at the thought.

“Bold choice! I’m going for the classic strawberry shortcake,” Azzi replied, her smile contagious.

After placing their orders, they found a cozy spot outside to enjoy their treats. The sun had dipped below the horizon, and the stars began to twinkle in the night sky. They shared their sundaes, feeding each other bites and giggling at the whipped cream that occasionally ended up on their noses.

“This is perfect,” Paige said, her heart swelling with happiness. “I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you in my life.”

Azzi looked at her, sincerity in her eyes. “You make every day better, Paige. I’ve always admired your passion and determination. You inspire me.”

Paige felt a blush creep up her cheeks. “You inspire me too, Azzi. I don’t think I would be the player I am without your support and friendship.”

As they finished their sundaes, Azzi leaned in closer, her voice dropping to a whisper. “You know, I’ve always dreamed of sharing moments like this with someone special. I never expected that someone would be you.”

Paige’s heart raced at Azzi’s words. “Me too. I’ve always felt a connection with you that goes beyond friendship. It’s like we were meant to find each other.”

With a shared look of love and care for eachother. Eventually they return to Paige’s apartment, “So what else do you wanna do, birthday girl?” Azzi asks as she stares at the tall blonde’s blue eyes. “I wouldn’t mind a birthday make out session..” The blonde grinned, planting her hands on the younger girl's hips before kissing her slowly, the dark skinned girl returned the kiss and they began their way to Paige’s bedroom. *Time skip like 15 minutes homie* “Mmm Azzi yeah..” Paige groaned as she stared down at the younger girl's head between her thighs and her hands in her curly black hair, “so good yeah..” Her hips buck up to please herself, grinding into the girl's face. Azzi pulled her head back and spat gently before continuing. “Going come Az..” “Do it P.” Azzi mumbled against her folds, and so Paige did she release on Azzi’s tongue. Azzi came up for air, some cum on that button like that nose Paige loved.

Paige wiped it off and kissed her nose before pulling down the shorts of the younger girl rubbing her clit softly as she kissed her lips in chaste (is that a real word?) quick kisses. Eventually Azzi begged enough for Paige to slip a finger in teasing before a second. She curled her fingers into the younger girl smirking as her moans filled the room. Soon a third finger joined the dance and the rest is history.

“Happy birthday P.” Assistant mumble before hiding her head in the arms of Paige’s to tired to care.

—--------------------------—------------------------

Thank you for reading, sorry for the delay again. I hope this finds you well. Just because Kamala lost doesn’t mean we need to lose you too. 

[burningcheese-merchant]

Would it be okay to have a small story request I've found? It's based on a small comic of Burning Spice and Golden Cheese that Burning Spice got a cold and his little birdy laughed at him that, him, the Beast Of Destruction caught a cold, but that backfired when Burning Spice kissed her with his sickness. In the end the two end up getting sick.

Golden Cheese: Are you feeling better now?

Burning Spice: Yes

I know what you're talking about! That little comic by wabeceucho on Twitter, right? I love them, they make premium BurningCheese content. I'd be happy to whip up a short for you, wouldn't be the first time I got inspired by that artist ngl lol

"Contagious" - BurningCheese Short #8

Spice gets sick. Golden laughs. Golden pays the price for laughing.

Jumping ahead into the far future where Burning Spice is Fixed™️ and he and Golden are happy together haha

The last thing Burning Spice ever wanted to be reminded of when he looked at Golden Cheese was Shadow Milk. He cared for that man, he was happy to call him friend, their bond may have grown strained in those years they spent as villains, both imprisoned and not, but it never broke - but good Witches, could he be damn near impossible to tolerate at times. The teasing grin always bubbling at his mouth's surface; the smirk always tugging at the corners of his lips. The witty remarks at EVERY situation, regardless of severity. And most of all - worst of all - his love of saying "I told you so". Shadow Milk never allowed himself to miss an opportunity to have that sort of laugh at another's expense, be they friend or foe. Burning Spice found it funny when it was "foe", not so much when it was "friend". Least of all when it was him.

He had hoped that he would never have to endure Shadow Milk's derision, or anything like it, from anyone else besides him again; one clown's jokes were more than enough. But it would seem as though the clown's laughter had become contagious.

...Sure, he and Golden Cheese always bickered and bantered, as they were wont to do since the beginning. It was normal. He quite enjoyed it. But not now. Not when the trembling of her shoulders, and that hysterical smile on her face, and that slender finger pointed at him reminded him too much of that ridiculous blue clown friend of his, and made him wonder if a puppet show mocking his hubris would be held in his honor soon.

...Maybe he deserved it.

"I-I'm sorry," Golden Cheese laughed. "But I simply have to laugh, my darling! The Beast of Destruction, catching a common cold! The sight of it! Hahaha!"

Burning Spice crossed his arms and sniffled huffed. "Yeah, I get it. The first round of your high-pitched giggling told me as much."

"And all the other ones will keep reminding you, I'm sure," she said, shaking her head in amusement. "Honestly, you begged for this. What were you thinking, skulking around the Dark Cacao Kingdom without a coat? I told you it would be freezing!"

"And I told you that only weaklings need protection from the elements," he snapped. "I've traveled to every corner of this earth and never been worse for wear. You think a little bit of snow would do anything to me?"

"I do and I did, and I was right," she said. "It's why I kept telling you to bundle up before we went to visit my old friend. Cacao even offered you one of his robes when we first arrived there, as he's not so far from you in size and no one knows that place's bitter cold better than he does. But you chose to be proud and look where that got you."

"Hmph!" He scowled at her. "I know my own limits. I was fine the entire time we were there. Only now did this... this stupid cold catch up to me."

She started to laugh again. "Perhaps it's better this way," she told him, her eyes twinkling with mirth. "Better here at home than back there, where more people besides myself can witness how stupid you are."

He harrumphed again and stood there, pouting at her and stifling a cough as she laughed at him some more - until his expression suddenly changed from irritated to... mischievous.

"Tell me, then, little bird," he said, "Haven't you ever gotten sick before? Or is Her Radiance too good for a cough and a fever?"

"Me? Once or twice in my youth," she said nonchalantly. "Why do you ask? Are you expecting me to tell you my own tale of pride and woe so you can feel less alone in your foolishness?"

No answer. Just a conniving smile slowly stretching across Burning Spice's face.

"What?" For just a moment, her confidence faltered, and was replaced by confusion. "What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Still nothing. Just a low chuckle.

"Alright, fine." She buckled under the weight of his gaze and that smile a bit further. "Perhaps I, too, was foolish like you were. Perhaps I thought myself invincible, only to have to lay by a fireplace for days while my friends nursed me back to health. Perhaps I even had someone wagging their finger at me, too. There, is that better? Does that bandage the gaping hole in your ego somewhat?"

He first answered her by taking a menacing step towards her, then he chuckled again and said:

"You thought yourself invincible, huh? You're speaking as if you no longer do."

Now it was her turn to huff and puff. "Well... I AM the Golden Sovereign, am I not? After everything I've accomplished and endured, I think I have the right to believe that about myself."

"Do you?" The smile grew bigger. "You just admitted that you were the same sort of fool I was once. Even golden sovereigns can fall sick." Now the smile was a face-splitting grin. "And it shall happen again."

"What-?"

He was upon her in a flash, before she could even fully register he was there (how could someone so big still be so fast?). Into his arms she went, trapped in a feverish embrace - and her eyes widened in shock when he quickly leaned down and pressed a big, wet kiss to her lips.

"What the-" Another kiss to silence her. "Stop-" Another one. "Burning Spice-" Deeper, more dramatic, a playful lick at her lips as a finishing touch. "What are you doing?!"

"Getting my revenge," he said. "This is what happens when you laugh at me."

"It isn't as if you don't deserve-" No, no more of that. Only more warm kisses - warmer than usual, thanks to the sickness - to put an end to her unwanted protests.

"You brute." Mwah. "You savage." Mwah. "You moron." Mwah. "I still told you so."

"I know," he said. He brought his lips down to her neck. "And now you must pay for it."

"It won't work," she grumbled. "I know what you're doing."

"We'll see."

"I take care of myself, unlike you." Even against her better judgment, she bent her head back to allow him further access. "I'll be fine."

"We'll see," he said again, before he started peppering her neck with those kisses she could never bring herself to say no to.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Do you feel better now?"

"Yes, actually," Burning Spice said with a smile. "Better than I've felt in ages, even."

"Wonderful," she muttered. She pulled the blanket around her tighter, desperate to stifle the chills. "Then that means you don't need your medicine anymore. Hand it over to me so it doesn't go to waste."

"No." He turned onto his side to face her, gesturing for her to come closer. "I can give you a bit of warmth, though. It seems like you need it more."

She grumbled, but nevertheless shuffled over to him, snuggling into his chest and sighing softly as he wrapped his arms around her. As if on cue, the chills grew weaker.

"I still maintain that I told you so," she murmured.

"And I maintain the exact same thing," he said. "We're even."

"As long as no one knows of this, it's fine," she sighed. "I can already hear Smoked Cheese's taunts from here..."

"And I could hear Shadow Milk's when you were mocking me before," he said. "Like I said. We are even now."

"...Fair enough."

They lay in silence for a little while, his face nuzzled into her hair and her feeling and listening to the beat of his heart in his chest.

...Until he felt like talking again. "Hey. Little bird."

"Hm?"

"I just remembered something."

"Did you, now."

"I did." She felt his hands start to trail downwards, resting on her hips. "Sex can actually aid in recovery from an illness, did you know?"

"..."

"It boosts the immune system, I think... And the pleasure can act as a natural painkiller, too. But I'm not entirely sure it's true... Why don't we test it to be sure?"

"Take your medicine and go to sleep, Burning Spice."

-------------------------

Every time I came back to this draft to work on it, the "keep reading" divider was in a different place and I had to keep moving it back. It annoyed the shit out of me. There's Merchant's complaint for the day

[ahyperactivehero]

I asked over on twitter if anyone wanted any drabbles this election night and here is the first one i finished!

atfsims1 on twitter asked for: If you wanted to do a cozy game night fic with Charles, Edwin, Crystal, and Niko (maybe they even rope Jenny into it) I would not be upset at all 👀💜

Drabble 1 Game Night

“Jenny isn’t coming, Niko,” Crystal said.The game boxes in her arms shifted, threatening to spill all over the ground for the second time this walk.

Niko, either oblivious to this fact or enjoying Crystal’s suffering, sighed and marched ahead of her so she could turn and walk backwards while speaking to her. “She’s coming. I know she is because I asked and she only rolled her eyes twice,” she said, her tone more sure than Crystal felt like she should be.

“Oh, so practically an oath then,” she said, shrugging her bag up higher on her shoulder. “Jeez, why do they need all of these? Don’t they have enough games in the office?”

She’d only been walking for a couple of blocks now, but it felt much further with all of these games stacked in her arms. Candy Land, Trouble, Aggravation, BattleShips, and at least one version of Cluedo were piled high– far higher than they had any right to be. At least Niko had their drinks safe in her arms, even if she did keep taking “samples” from both of them.

“Charles said we’re going to be playing ‘Extravaganza’,” Niko said, waving her hands in a way that Crystal felt deserved sparkles and explosions.

“And what exactly is ‘Extravaganza’?” Crystal asked.

Niko tilted her head, sneaking a sip from what Crystal was sure was her drink. “He didn’t say. Just that we needed to bring over as many board games as possible,” she said.

“Who even still plays board games?” Crystal muttered. “Do you know how much I spent on these?”

Niko tapped her chin with her straw. “Edwin likes them, and Charles gets frustrated with the new video games,” she said, frowning. As if Crystal hadn’t personally witnessed Charles losing at Mario Party in such an extreme fashion that had forced the Agency to close for two days because he and Edwin had refused to speak to Crystal when she’d won with the bonus stars. “But I’m sorry you had to spend so much. I could have helped!”

She shook her head. The last thing she wanted was for Niko to feel bad. “Used my parents' money. They might as well be good for something, right?”

Niko gave her a sympathetic smile before running ahead to get the door. At least the boys were there to meet them to help them carry the boards up.

“Is this all you brought?” Edwin asked, which earned him a glare from Crystal and an elbow from Charles.

“What he means is that we’re used to playing with more boards,” Charles said. A small frown came to his face as he tilted his head, thinking about his words. “Unfortunately, a lot of ours burned up a couple of years ago. Like, a lot of them.” 

“They burned up?” Niko asked, taking her usual spot on the couch. 

“Spell gone wrong,” Charles said. “Edwin nearly set the whole office on fire.”

“Charles is exaggerating,” Edwin said. “It was only half of the office.”

Crystal smiled and rolled her eyes. “Right. So what did we need all of these for?”

Edwin clapped his hands together. He looked as if he had gathered them for a lecture rather than a game night. “Extravaganza, of course,” he said.

Crystal plopped down next to Niko, snagging her drink from her before she could take another sip. “Yeah, I got that. But what is it?”

Charles spread out a blanket on the floor and tossed a few pillows off to one side. With a smile, he patted them and gestured for the girls to take their places. Then, he dragged out at least three more board games, their boxes so old and broken it made it hard to read the name. They must have been old, probably somewhere between Edwin and Charles’s time.

Meticulously, he started to arrange the boards, clearly some sort of pattern than only he and Edwin seemed to know. Edwin, meanwhile, walked around and dimmed the lights and grabbed blankets for them to cover up with.

By the time he was done it looked like some sort of weird, Frankenstein-game-board train had exploded all over their office. Crystal wasn’t even sure where the games were supposed to start or end. 

“Ta-da!” Charles said, smiling as he spread his hands out over the mess. 

Niko and Crystal couldn’t help but exchange confused glances.

“Edwin and I made it up decades ago,” he said. “S’hard to play a lot of these games with just two people, innit? So we made Extravaganza!” He reached into his bag and dug out tiny, metal game pieces and held them out for their inspection.

There was a magnifying glass and cricket bat– clearly Edwin and Charles’s– in one hand, while the other contained a crystal ball and a magic eight ball. 

“You made us our own game pieces?” Niko asked, her excitement practically exploding out.

“Course! How else are you meant to play?” he asked. He settled down next to Edwin at what must have been deemed the “starting” board.

Crystal eyed everything. “So how do you play?” she asked and tried in vain to keep her judgment out of her tone.

“First, we start with Cluedo,” Edwin said, “then, once you think you have solved it, you can move to CandyLand, and so on and so forth until you have been through all the boards.”

None of that had made it any clearer to Crystal, but she had a feeling that pointing that out wouldn’t save her from playing.

“How long does a game like this usually take?” Niko asked, running her fingers over the magic eight ball. 

Edwin looked towards the ceiling, calculating. “Usually about… ten hours?” 

“Ten hours!” Crystal said, almost dropping her game piece. Quickly, she turned towards Niko, who had a similar look on her face. “I think we’re gonna need to order food,” she muttered towards her.

“I’ll tell Jenny to bring something.” Niko pulled out her phone to type out a message.

“Niko, I told you, she’s not coming,” Crystal said. 

“She’ll have no choice if we’ve been kidnapped by ghosts who don’t need to sleep or eat,” Niko said with a smile. “There, all done. Now, how do we play?”

Edwin immediately launched into a full explanation of the rules he and Charles had established over the years. There were far too many, especially for new players who still needed to learn the rules of the base games as well.

“It’ll be easier once we start,” Charles said. “Oh! But just remember, if you claim someone is cheating, you have to go back a board.”

“What if they are cheating?” Crystal asked.

“Better prove it,” he said and handed her a pair of dice.

And that is where Jenny found them an hour later, yelling over whether or not accusing Crystal of “looking into Charles’s mind” to see the cards in his hands actually counted as cheating if no one had actually said the word cheating.

“I think I’m just gonna go,” Jenny said, dropping a couple of pizza boxes on the table by the door.

Niko sprang up from her spot and wrapped her arms around her. “No, please stay! You can even start on the same board as me!”

“Niko, that’s cheating,” Edwin said.

“Ha!” Crystal jabbed a finger in Edwin’s direction. “Now you have to go backwards.”

“That was outside the game,” Edwin said, “It hardly counts.” 

“What? No, that's not fair,” she said, turning to look at Charles who shrugged.

“It’s fine if you’re talking outside the game.”

“You always agree with Edwin. And isn’t my ‘looking in your head’ also outside the game, technically?” she asked.

“So you did look inside his head!” Edwin said. “Move your piece back!”

Charles shook his head as they continued to shout, their voices mingling until it was nothing but a mix of confusion. He detangled himself from the pile of blankets and limbs to make his way across the room. “Here ya go, Jenny,” he said and dropped a game piece shaped like a cleaver in her hand. “You can go next.”

Both Edwin and Crystal turned their heads towards him. “That’s cheating!”

Charles and Niko could only smile in response.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buddie: Two hopes for episode 8x6

I've waited for more than 24 hours to post this because I'm still in utter disbelief after Tuesday night. Yesterday, I hoped I'd wake up from the nightmare and realize it was all a dream but it wasn't and it will continue for who knows how long. I'm trying to find silver linings in the one TV show I consistently watch, therefore I'm finally ready to share the only two hopes I have for 9-1-1's season 8 episode 6.

I won't watch live and the truth is I haven't this season because if it's full of more retcons and other nonsensical BS, I need to be able to fast forward through the scenes I don't want to see. Furthermore, my expectations for 8x6 are below the ground and honestly, after Tuesday's election here in the U.S., I have no idea how TM (showrunner) and the network will react or if they'll even try to course correct.

IYKYK there will be challenges ahead for network TV and it's the MAIN reason why Buddie should have gone CANON last season. Also, I've posted before that hiatues don't do them any favors (seasons 6 and 7 are perfect examples of this and that's why they both ended ridiculously), therefore, I'm only hoping for two things.

Buck needs to end whatever the f~ck he's doing with Tonsillitis because 8x5 clearly showed they aren't compatible. There's no need to drag it out any longer and I for one do NOT want to sit through a déjà vu moment that's reminiscent of BT 1.0 only for this BS to last until 8x18. It was exhausting in season 5 and if TM does it, then it'll be history repeating itself. We're literally 5 episodes in and I'm already tired of this season because of the lack of movement with Eddie’s storyline and all this focus on BT instead of it being focused on Buck and his individual journey. It's not ok and it's really pissing me off. Buck needs to stand up for himself and stop clinging to relationships that aren't working. He already wasn't allowed to breakup with T.K. 1.0 because he wasn’t happy, so can he please finally get off the damn hamster wheel? OS deserves better than this and TM (showrunner) should be ashamed at how poorly he's handled Buck’s arc.

Eddie hasn't had a GOOD episode that's been solely about him in YEARS! And I'm disappointed in the fact that 8x6 was supposed to be his time to shine but once again it appears his scene(s) will be relegated to the last 5 minutes of the episode the same way his PTSD arc was handled in 5x13. Therefore, I hope whatever is going to happen with him shaving his mustache will be emotional and meaningful instead of it being handled in a way that's comical like the show spent the majority of the preseason promoting it. TM already spilled the beans about it which minimized the anticipation of it when he told everyone during an interview that it was going to happen only to not speak of it again for the last few weeks. Furthermore, whatever Eddie has to say about his failed marriage to Shannon, it needs to be the last time so it can be wrapped up tonight because there are only so many times she should be mentioned because she's been dead for 6 years and it's time for her to R.I.P. Now, he SHOULD talk about her when he's ready to have an open and honest conversation with Chris like he should have been allowed to do in 7x1. Also, a mention of how Eddie’s going to fix things with Chris needs to be included too because Eddie’s a great dad and I'm sick and tired of them not letting their father and son relationship move forward. Chris has been in El Paso long enough, therefore Eddie needs to travel there to see him and so that he can read his mother the riot act. RG is a fabulous actor and he deserves better. He already had to put up with that raggedy ass "Vertigo" and doppelg��nger storyline BS, so can the audience please see some progress in 8x6? The show needs to turn the page on Eddie’s failed marriage once and for all.

Here's the thing, with the Madney storyline, three emergency calls, Buck's conversations with Maddie and Josh and possibly Bobby, all the BT foolishness, Eddie shaving his mustache and Eddie’s conversation(s) with the priest, it’s unlikely there will be enough time for everything and I'd rather see the stuff that matters and that will move both Buddie's and Madney's arcs forward.

Time is of the essence and there are only two weeks left before the show goes on hiatus for who knows how long. Therefore, waiting to make Buddie CANON could backfire and it’s possible they won't get the chance if they wait until 8B.

Just saying.

I'M TIRED AND I WON'T DEAL WITH ANYONE'S BS COMMENTS ABOUT BT BREAKING UP SO, DON'T REBLOG THIS WITH AN OPPOSING OPINION. IF ANYONE DISAGREES THAT’S FINE BUT THEY SHOULDN'T ATTACH IT TO MY POST. THEY SHOULD DO IT ON THEIR OWN BLOG OR GET BLOCKED LIKE EVERY BT STAN. I'M A PROACTIVE BLOCKER AND I DO IT BASED ON FILTERED TAGS! I'VE ALREADY BLOCKED THE VAST MAJORITY OF THEM BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN ONE WILL FOLLOW ME AND I IMMEDIATELY BLOCK THEM TOO.

[sur-i-ki]

3/20

I'm sorry I couldn't be enough

You tried everything to keep him.

In the beginning, it was easy. His laughter spilled into your life like sunlight, filling every shadowed corner you’d almost forgotten existed. You did everything you could to hold onto that light, afraid that one wrong move might send it flickering out. So you smiled more. You laughed at all the right times. You mirrored his interests, learned the names of his favorite bands, read the books he left lying on the coffee table, listened to the things he loved as if they might unlock some part of him that no one else had ever reached.

But somewhere along the way, it stopped being enough.

No matter how closely you held him, he was slipping through your fingers, like water pooling in the cracks of your hands. And you could feel it. Every kiss felt a little emptier, every word of reassurance tinged with something else—something he never quite put into words, but you felt in the widening silence that grew between you.

So you tried harder. You became softer, then sharper. You fought with him when you thought he wanted the fight; you stayed silent when it felt like silence might bring him back. You kept his secrets, held his fears like they were precious things, fragile things. You became someone you barely recognized, someone who thought that, if you just loved him enough, it would somehow be enough for both of you.

But it wasn’t. No matter how many pieces of yourself you handed over, he never really seemed to notice. Or maybe he did, and that was the worst part—knowing he saw everything you were offering and still chose to drift away.

And now, you’re left with all the empty spaces he carved out of you, hollowed-out places where parts of you used to be. You gave him all of it, everything you had, and somehow, it still wasn’t enough to keep him. You were there, waiting, arms open, heart exposed, and he was already halfway out the door, his shadow spilling into your life like a bruise that never quite healed.

Sometimes, you’re angry. Furious, even. You want to claw back all those pieces of yourself, the hours, the days, the parts of your heart you reshaped just to fit him. You want to reclaim every sleepless night spent trying to decode his silence, every apology whispered into the darkness just to make sure he’d stay. There are days when you hate him for leaving, for making you feel like you were never enough, and you feel that hatred rise up sharp and bitter in your throat, almost like it might swallow the hurt.

But just as quickly, the anger twists into something else. Guilt. Regret. Love that hasn’t found a way to turn cold, no matter how many times you’ve tried to snuff it out. You tell yourself he doesn’t deserve any more of you, but part of you wonders if maybe he was right to go, if maybe there was something missing in you all along, something he needed that you never could have given. Maybe you were always destined to lose him, and all the fighting, all the desperate, silent pleas were just you delaying the inevitable.

And the worst part—the part that keeps you awake at night, replaying each moment—is knowing that if he were to come back, if he were to walk through the door tonight and ask for one more chance, you’d give it to him. You’d give him what’s left of you, whatever fractured pieces you still have, without hesitation. Even if it meant going through it all again. Even if it left you emptier than before.

You’d take him back, knowing he’d break you again, knowing you’d have to gather up your shattered pieces and try to move on when he left the next time, and the next. And somehow, even with that knowledge heavy in your chest, you’d still choose him over a future without him.

And that—that’s what haunts you. The knowledge that you will never stop wanting him, that no matter how much it hurts, a part of you will always be waiting for him.

⇝ 𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘴, 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥! 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯

[rosesutherlandwrites]

Struggling a little bit with picking up my pen (opening my laptop) and getting back to work on the wip today after *gestures vaguely* everything. Like, it was always going to be rough getting back down to it after a week off to move halfway across a continent on little more than sheer willpower and hope for a better future, but the way things have fallen out politically in the States is really weighing on a lot of us, no matter where we are and what we have going on.

Anyway I spent some time navel gazing this morning trying to get my head in the game again and ended up coming around to the thing a lot of us creatives have been returning to: All art is political. So, I took a long hard look at what I've written so far, and what it's saying about the world— both "the one we dream about and the one we live in now", to borrow from Anaïs Mitchell—and me, as the person putting it out there.

I wrote A Sweet Sting Of Salt, for fun—as escapism, really, during a period of intense upheaval and loneliness...which also happened to coincide with the first Trump administration. It ended up being a story about freedom, consent, women helping women, defiant queer hope & joy in a difficult time and place, finding beauty and love and community in a harsh world—and a misogynist abuser getting exactly what he richly deserves.

Today, I'm finding comfort knowing that even in what was written as a "simple" historical fairy tale, with no agenda beyond giving lesbians a happy ending in a period drama, there is no denying the queerness and feminism of a worldview that values that happiness.

Anyway, that's me musing on the nature of what I do, and where it fits in the world right in this moment. I'm glad that right now it's making me feel proud and energizing me to go on doing it as long as I possibly can: I'm sufficiently unpacked in my new place to function, so as soon as I send out some day job applications this morning, I'm getting straight back to work on my next queer book which feels like the thing I'm good at that I *should* be doing in this moment. The new one includes a whole through line about solidarity, the inherent violence of throwing others under the bus in an effort to improve one's own lot, and the slippery slope from doing what seems easy and painless and "not that bad" to true evil—I dunno, but that feels real apt at the moment.

All this to say: the work may feel hard but by damn it's my work and I'll keep on doing it until the moss grows over me.

[call-me-rucy]

ELENA IS HERE! My girl, how have you been!! She's cut her hair, I love that!!

The Vorkosigang is back assembled! (Except for Ivan, poor Ivan).

And Mayhew!!! And Tung!!! Wow the team is really back together!! I'm so happy that I just know this won't last a chapter.

Plan A (...) was to flee at once to the Ariel, now on picket-station, and declare the revolution.

This sounds so Miles idk if Tung has rubbed off on Miles or the other way around.

"To bang his commander's wife?" Elena's eyes sparked. "Anyone's wife? I knew then he wasn't level. If my oaths meant nothing to him, how little did his own?"

SAY IT!! Although this feels very Barrayaran, for all of Elena's hate to her home planet.

Right, Gregor is hearing all this for the first time. I guess he heard a censored version at the end of TWA but he must be amazed at the notion that Miles really did have a fleet as his command.

If anyone could point me to an essay and/or paper and/or tumblr post about the naismith/vorkosigan identity crisis Miles has, I'd be very grateful.

"I think . . . should you become refugees on Our behalf," (Elena, Miles saw, heard that official capital O too, as Tung and Mayhew of course could not)

I love the writing I love the writing I love the writing

I loved her once. Who is she now? Could one choose not to fall in love all over again with this new person?

I LOVE THE WRITING!

Elena being so quick on her reasoning that this will just end up as another treason charge for Miles. I hope that our old friend Greg can help if (when) that time comes.

Mercenary Gregor. Now that's an AU if I've ever seen one. I've tried searching for it on AO3 but all I've found is an alarming frequent use of the tag "Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies".

"I hear their new second officer is a Barrayaran. You might be able to swing some help, there."

This is plot. I'm sure. But Idk how. It's not gonna be help so what is it. Ungari's people?

OH CAVILO IS WITH THE RANGERS OKAY. They're so gonna run into them.

"Strange," said Gregor, looking at Elena—at the new Elena, guessed—"to think you've had more combat experience than either of us." "Than both of you," Elena corrected dryly.

YES!! TELL THEM!!! Elena is not my favourite character only because Cordelia exists, I think.

"Your friend can pass as a fleet soldier," Tung told Miles. "For you, I found a box."

Miles deserves a hug too.

Almost over, says Miles, in page 230 of a 400 page book.

Aaaaaand, here's the trouble.

Cavilo is the elf lady?!?!?

METZOV?!?!?!?! METZOV??!??! I'm sorry, Metzov?!?! Works for Cavilo?????

I HAD SPENT THE LAST FOURTH OF THE BOOK WONDERING WHAT NARRATIVE PURPOSE THE FIRST FOURTH OF THE BOOK SERVED AND OMG HERE IT IS. How could I not see it. This is. I have no words. I love Lois McMaster Bujold.

[pweepsiee]

Thank you but goodbye

This won’t get any traction because only pictures of tits get pushed or interacted with but that’s okay. I’ll add tags so you guys see this anyway.

It’s hard to know where to start. I spent a long time on here, putting pieces of myself out into the void, hoping for connection, validation, maybe even some kind of understanding. But it’s been a journey that taught me more than I ever anticipated—about others, about myself, and about the darker sides of online spaces and human nature.

I’ve been through more than I ever thought I’d face here. I’ve had people send me things no one should have to see—gore, graphic threats of rape and murder. Strangers who decided they had the right to punish me with violence for simply existing and sharing my body on my own terms. I’ve been slut-shamed, insulted, torn apart, told I’m not “enough” in a thousand different ways. Too fat, too ugly, too bitchy, too much of a people pleaser. For some, my body was never enough to satisfy whatever expectation they’d dreamed up for me. And when I expressed my pain, I was told to just “try harder” to please. Every insult, every attack—it was relentless.

At first, there was a thrill in it. The idea that people were paying attention. But over time, it became less about freedom and self-expression, and more like a trap. I started needing the notifications, addicted to the fleeting rush of being “seen,” even if it came with all the ugliness. I posted things that made me feel raw, exposed, and ashamed—but still, I kept them up. It wasn’t even about me anymore; it was about performing for a faceless audience, one that only wanted to consume and never connect. I kept hoping that if I posted more, someone might notice that I was struggling, that I was hurting. But the moments I tried to be vulnerable were met with derision, mockery, or worse, cruelty.

On October 6th, I tried to end my life. It wasn’t a whim or a flippant decision—it was the culmination of feeling completely worthless, invisible beyond what I could offer visually, and unheard. I had tried to signal that I was in pain, and the responses I got were gut-wrenching. People told me to “try again,” mocking my failure to die. Others brushed it aside entirely, demanding I get back to posting my body as if I had no value beyond that. It was like looking into a mirror that only showed one version of myself—a version people felt entitled to consume and degrade.

There’s a sickness in spaces like these, a perverse lack of empathy and human decency. There’s a void where kindness, respect, and understanding should be. I’ve encountered men who would spit their hate, their misogyny, their violent fantasies at me without a second thought, men who have shown me how easily they can strip away my humanity to satisfy their own needs. Some are rapists, some are worse, and they all seem to revel in their cruelty, hiding behind screens. They have taught me that, to them, I am just an object—a body, a pair of tits, something to use and discard. They’ve shown me how quickly love, admiration, or even simple respect can turn into venom the moment they don’t get exactly what they want.

Being on here has been like swimming in polluted water, beautiful on the surface but poisonous underneath. What started as a space to share myself turned into a source of harm that corroded my mental and physical well-being. It was more than just being objectified—it was the sense that I didn’t even matter as a person, only as a vessel for gratification. And that feeling sank deeper and deeper, leaving wounds I’m still working to heal.

I’ve met a few kind people here, people who saw me for more than just a body, who offered me small glimpses of kindness, understanding, and friendship. To those few: thank you. Your kindness did not go unnoticed, and I wish you nothing but peace, joy, and all the love you deserve. To those who saw my humanity and respected it—I’m grateful.

But to the rest: those who degraded me, insulted me, sent me threats or slurs, and preyed on my vulnerabilities—you’ll reap what you sow, one way or another. I don’t hold anger toward you, but I do pity you. And I have no intention of letting your words and actions follow me into the future.

There’s been a silver lining in all of this, and it’s one of the few positive things I’m taking with me. Through all of the toxicity, I discovered something important about myself. I realized I am a lesbian, and that I no longer want to be viewed as something for men to consume. I am worth so much more than being reduced to a body on a screen, worth more than any like, reblog, or message notification. I deserve to be seen, truly seen, as a whole person, and to be loved for who I am, not what I look like or what I can give to others.

This is goodbye. For those who truly cared, I’ll remember you. For those who didn’t, I’ll leave you behind, along with this platform that no longer serves me. I’m taking my life back, my self-worth back, and finding peace in spaces that don’t drain me.

Thank you, and goodbye. ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

[cerealforkart]

Twitch streamer gamer girl Buggy makes sense To Me and if you don't get it I'm sorry

[nebulaika]

Got the chance to draw my best boy Giyuu as Artfight revenge and I JUMPPEDD on that. He's an au/variant of @/TidalWaveOctave here and on insta! You can find their Artfight profile here: Art Fight - TidalWaveOctave's Profile

[genericpuff]

vent post

[fumifooms]

You’re the resident chilchuck expert, so I was wondering about it there’s any canon evidence that he did smoke or drink alcohol when the kids were younger. I always thought it was something he picked up due to the strain of long jobs, when the kids were already older, but you seem to think differently and I was wondering if there was anything in canon that made you think that way!

Now that you mention it I guess it’s true there’s no evidence he did. Smoking we literally only know he does at all because of one post-canon panel where he has a pipe, so no, maybe this stick-looking thing in the panel below too though, I’m not familiar with medieval blunts eh. We’ve only gotten one panel of him and his daughters interacting when he was younger so that’s not too insightful on that end, and every time we see him young and freckled it’s in a job context so again not really where we’d expect him to be drinking. The earliest proof (/heavy implication since we don’t see inside his cup I guess) is 3 years before canon when Laios hired him, where he’s at a bar, classily placed in front of all the bottles ✨

Yes alcohol is almost certainly a way through which he copes especially with stress, so if we go with the theory he started around when work got stressful, well… Chilchuck started working as a dungeon diver ~10 years ago so when he was ~19, making Mei, Fler and Puck ~6 and ~4 respectively, so from that draw the ‘stressful enough to start drinking’ line wherever. We don’t know what he did before that with any certainty, and it could be he did odd jobs, lived off mostly mutual aid and community work, or just focused on only raising the girls. Half-foots tend to be poor and I see a lot of that in Chilchuck specifically so I don’t think he could have afforded to not have some paying work though.

Alright, so then why do I think he did drink when the girls were younger?

I give a more complete rundown of the info we do have on his alcoholism & his family with panels and references + all the speculation I make from it here. But the most targeted and objective answer I can give is:

Of course there’s just very very little we know of Chilchuck’s life with his family, and I think that’s by design too. I think the details being up in the air is to allow more nuance of the topic, like, will trying to reconcile go well, is their relationship salvageable? We don’t know, because we don’t know. So the message of giving hope a chance even if it’s a long shot, that things could truly go either way, is more relevant, impactful and meta in that way. How long was he usually away for work travels into dungeons here and there? How did he act with them? All we can really do is "it’s likely that", it’s a game of which way we think it’s more implied. There’s no right and wrong answer, it’s all Marcille-like larping the events out.

My main reason for thinking he did is that his father died from overdrinking and Chilchuck is very aware of that. He mentions his death casually in the extra about their stance in alcohol and in his Adventurer’s Bible profile, etc. He acts towards the alcohol presumably the same way his father did: with abandon, uncaring for the health effects, probably happily too considering Chil says "dying doing something you love is a good way to go". Very nonchalant. So you see what I’m saying here right, wether he started early or late, his view of alcoholism is very influenced by what he saw of his father growing up, it’s something he’s always been aware of and saw in a mostly positive light, something that was inherited you could say. It’s something that was normalized to him from a young age. Regardless or where it goes from there I do think this part is pretty inarguable. If he views it positively and we know that in the present alcohol is his favorite food that he loveees, why would he have held out on it? Personally that all makes me think he started drinking very young, especially since I don’t think they limited alcohol to age as much as modern standards (and I mean, teen drinking is obviously still a thing). And here you could argue, maybe his father only started being more alcoholic later when Chilchuck moved out, or something! And to that there’s nothing I can say except I think that’s a strained theory, and that Chil might even have largely cut contact with his family after moving out (since he and siblings are listed as almost strangers and he doesn’t seem to have much emotional attachment to his parents, but also we know he rents out his place to "a relative"), but it’s true we have no evidence. "I’ve picked up the same unhealthy substance abuse as my father haha! No big deal right haha" repeated several times to me just reeks of intergenerational trauma, & the alcoholism gene as they call it. Like effortless sliding into drinking as if it’s second nature, it’s natural after all, it’s normal after all, it just makes sense, it makes you feel good and that’s what matters.

BUT from my interpretation then we have a whole other layer: Alcohol is of course not all bad always. I think he’s always liked alcohol and drank it on occasion and it brought him joy etc etc, but I think here the implication in the question is, how much effect did his drinking have on the family relations and how early? And that isn’t so much about when him drinking started but when the alcoholism started. Addiction is defined by a habitual need, that has negative effects from filling that need (physical, psychological, social, etc) and negative effects from withdrawal. If Chilchuck drinks to cope and he can’t not cope without it, that’s addiction, if it affects his relationships, if it’s a need he has, it’s addiction. Addiction can be very insidious or look very casual, and how much people around the person are affected by it is case by case. Cheerful drunks can be sooo annoying and uncomfortable though let me tell you. Drunks are drunks. And this sounds harsh, but even if people around them don’t mind drunks it’ll still have some effects here and there, living with one can be such a challenge, ily drunks good luck with everything much like Chilchuck you deserve good things 🫡　

Ok so with the dad thing and the "ok well maybe he’s always drunk casually but it grew worse with time around when he started working as a dungeon diver" precision made, the other bit of info we have that can inform this is that Chilchuck is on a harsh diet and that alcohol is a hunger suppressant. We know Chilchuck "used to be fine not eating for two days", that literally on screen to quench his hunger so it doesn’t keep him awake he goes to drink water, drinking is his instinct to hunger. Again alcohol is a hunger suppressant and if you want info on that the internet has a lot of research and anecdotes about it. He diets to be light enough to not trigger traps, so it’s something he’d have started after dungeon diving most likely. Between the stress and the diet, yes it’s extremely likely he started going harder on alcohol after he started working in dungeons. There’s arguments on wether two days without eating is less bad for half-foots than humans, but apart from smaller portions there’s nothing that indicates half-foots should get less than 3 meals a day. They need less food but that’s because their bodies are smaller: the need is proportional to the body, not smaller than others’ races, the % of need is similar even if the kg amount of food isn’t. There’s also a popular headcanon with support basis that half-foots run hot and have a faster heartrate and whatnot, and that points towards a faster metabolism rather than a slower one: a bigger need for eating rather than a smaller one. He has the same bmi, 18, as Mickbell, but perhaps because Chil is much taller he’s less intensely visibly underweight with ribs showing than Mick during the bath extra, it’s most apparent when he becomes tallman.

Alcohol is something so important and omnipresent in his character that I have trouble believing it’s something that was part of only a small fraction of his life. It’s his immediate go-to, his no-brainer solution to a good time, I’ve sort of always assumed especially after looking at his family that it’s something he discovered decently young. Like he just acts like someone who’s always had alcohol to fall back on and started young idk. Alcohol is one of his 5 keywords. Alcoholism is very ingrained into his world view and life, his "it doesn’t matter" stance his ‘work hard play hard’ mentality his idea that the world is harsh so you get relief where you can, so it just makes sense to me that it’s always been in his life, if not actively then at least looming.

So yes, in summary, my take: Alcohol was always something he wholly enjoyed to an unwise level, but it could have been considered casual until he started working into dungeons and his need for it on a regular basis intensified. Alcohol has always had positive association to him as far as we see, so when it started being a problem he didn’t see it as such. To quote him, "I drink anytime I get the opportunity to". Why always? Approval of father’s alcoholism. Why alcoholism at all? Diet + stress & coping mechanism & emotional stunting + relationship issues, and she decided she had enough after they went out for drinks.

Conclusion

Chilchuck having drunk from a young age makes sense to me and it’s the strongest narrative angle I see on the table, but that’s objectively a me opinion, yes! There’s no evidence, moreso there’s canon basis and supporting info, but it’s all very left up to interpretation. I’ve made my own interpretations of things from the scraps we see, like everyone else making Chilwife and daughters content. Wether you have a stance on the topic or prefer to leave it vague in your takes, it’ll be a matter of what you think makes most sense, or what you’d rather believe I suppose (which is literally fine)

There’s a lot of subjectivity in even just setting up causal links like you probably noticed during this and I was careful with my word choices, because we’re just extrapolating from what we see and unless Kui states it explicitly from a reliable mouth all we can do is have informed opinions on most things. This particular interpretation is influenced by other details I’ve come to form about my interpretation of Chilchuck too, the more psychological and emotional sides of him and the timeline and how his marriage even happened, unplanned pregnancy imo. Like I hope you see what I mean, this wasn’t supposed to be a speculation post just a quick simple answer but there’s sort of just no other and concise but complete way with the subjectivity nuance to put "maybe it could be yes because of this but maybe it could be no because of this" haha

Edit: Wait the phrasing on this… Interesting. "In recent years"— This does imply that if not just his alcohol consumption increasing then the diversity and quality of it did, so either he indeed did start drinking more (not necessarily meaning he didn’t drink before) assumedly because of his wife leaving, or he started drinking other/more different kinds of alcohol maybe due to the union he formed + his experience gave him greater salary than he had previously (and no wife and family to provide money for), a mix of both perhaps.

[ludinusdaleth]

i am 100% saying this with a bias as a ludinus fan and do not consider this some canon intention (mooostly) but just in the same way lucien was a ghost of a lost m9 member, destined to be in their party but in an echo of another life, i consider ludinus, in a way, the same - if more wraith than ghost. if lucien looks at the mighty nein and swears he cant recognize them as molly screams in his head they're family, ludinus looks at the bells hells and recognizes them instantly as himself, utterly alone but not alone, as some tiny part of him in essek's voice says "you should try friends sometime", and another screams that it's far too late.

[stereotypical-jew]

okay. so. i did not vibe with the latest doctor who episode a lot? and idk why exactly. i did still enjoy it for the most part! do love that we're getting more explicit queer romance on the show, but idk it didn't feel...genuine? especially with the doctor saying that ruby's his best friend but then abandoning her to aliens for most of the episode. i'm like really feeling that the overarching plot must be about storytelling. like especially all the blatant references to bridgerton INCLUDING the bad guys and poker face covers. and the teaser line about it being the doctor's life they're playing out. i'm hoping that the arc is kind of about how something (pantheon character?) is kind of controlling the doctor/ruby's story to hit the beats it's supposed to bc its tv but is doing so in a non-organic way which is why the season feels so disjointed and very telling-not-showing. also the weird 6 month time jump between Space Babies and Boom. otherwise i'mgonna feel like it was just kind of poorly written. like! to be clear! i am still enjoying the show! but not as much as i have other seasons