#I say continuing as though I'm not referencing posts I made like last month lol.......

[mellythedork]

How in the ever-loving gourd has it been ten years? Time is an illusion that I stopped seeing ages ago.

10 years ago, at the tail end of 2013, I had a huge, friendship-ending fight that shattered me. In an attempt to keep myself together, I hid behind a character and wrote the most self-indulgent crossover fic I'd ever concocted. After 5 years, 2 rewrites, too many OCs to count, magic mechanics I didn't think through, and conversations with my former best friend about what had happened, I finally let that fic rest. I knew that if I tried to continue it, I'd never move on, as the very basis of it was focused on that fight.

But it was still such a colossal part of my life. 5 years to spend on a project is no laughing matter, and it felt like it was the only trustworthy constant as I struggled to make my way through everything going on around me. It invaded RPs with friends and basically everything I did...and that wasn't always a good thing. It was a coping mechanism that went too far, but I still cherished it so much.

Things never got anywhere near back to how they had been before that fight. But I learned a lot about myself and how to better handle problems I hadn't realized I was creating. I feel like being forced to think about it while writing the original Mooniverse helped me come to terms with it and move on--which was, of course, the intention all along! But it came to a point where I knew it had to end.

There was never any rhyme or reason to that fic, in any version of it. I wrote it purely to have fun and go wild. It's so odd looking back at the chapters now; I keep laughing at how things went without direction. But it was pure and adorable and I'll always look back at it fondly...beyond the cringing at how much I shoved it in my friends' faces.

For…I was going to say over a year, but I feel like 2 would be more accurate. For about 2 years now, I've struggled to create anything. Both art and writing have felt impossible. I burned out on most of my personal projects without realizing it until last month, but that realization took a weight off of me. And without that weight, as I realized the anniversary that was coming up, I was able to create something on nothing but a whim and enjoy it again.

My art block certainly isn't gone, and nothing about this is what I'd consider perfect. It's not even finished. But I set the sketch as my goal, trying to keep the pressure low, in hopes that I'd be able to post it at all. I do want to touch it up and finish it one day, but I'm not going to worry about that now.

I have been a bit inspired, though! I want to do more things like this. Like the original Mooniverse Melodia and the final one standing side by side here, I want to pull together more OCs with such connections and growth and see how far they've come. I don't know how much of that I'll accomplish, but it's been fun to think about for sure.

I hope everyone's holidays have gone well and that your plans for the new year are fulfilling. I think this year is going to go a lot better for me than the last.

--

From left to right we have: The original Annie along with the final Annie (Of course they'd be friends!)

The final Melodia (with slight modifications to her outfit in order to make a bit more sense; ditto to her bangs. Seriously, what was I thinking when I made that mess?? lol)

The middle-ground Moon (as I no longer have the design for the original, but wanted to include her)

The final Hope (in one of her alternate outfits)

The original Melodia (I didn't think I had any references left of her, but after about 2 hours of searching, I gave up only to stumble upon one by chance the next day. Sure was a surprise!)

And finally the middle-ground Myasu (just think of her & Moon as representing the first rewrite!)

-- I knew most of my art problems were from my difficulty and dislike of drawing bodies, so to make this possible at all, I used a base.

I also very much referenced the original image, the hair of Love Live and Idolmaster characters, and self-made bases from Shugo Chara, both due to time constraints and to keep my sanity. I'm very out of practice and didn't want to get so frustrated I abandoned the drawing altogether.

[rjalker]

anyway continuing the TARDIS/Charley solidarity theme:

[ID: The loveless aro flag next to an unnamed pride flag, split evenly down the middle, with fancy white font in the center that reads, "Solidarity".

The loveless aro flag has nine symmetrical stripes of dark grey, grey, light grey, green, light green, green, light grey, grey, and dark grey.

The second flag has matching numbers of stripes, but in yellow, orange, dark grey, pink, gold, pink, dark grey, orange, and yellow.

End ID.]

(the second flag yet doesn't have a name yet or even a description since I haven't figured out how to describe it)

[thelegendofclarke]

I'm a jonsa fan, but she straight up nailed you, unfortunately. Just own up to it. You claimed something that was clearly a lie and they've pulled receipts on you that shows it was a lie. Honestly, the more jonsa fans that behave like lunatics about daenerys and call her crazy shit, the worse jonsa fans look. We all need to chill out.

Nailed me on WHAT? And own up to WHAT?? And WHAT tf do those so called “receipts” show, exactly?!?

Did you happen to miss the part where she said, “ETA: oh wait i DIDN’T actually send her those links that I SPECIFICALLY SAID I SENT HER but she’s still a terrible person who I hate sooo…” (x)

And no, I didn’t want to get involved. I was TRYING to take a step back from wank and a step back from fandom in general (both for fandom related reasons and for personal reasons, many of which I told this person but would rather not publicly get into detail about). A fact that I told this person MULTIPLE TIMES, and yet they STILL continued to bring up wank to me and drag me into it and demand I insert myself into conversations and situations that made me uncomfortable, which I refused to do as is my right. You can count on one hand the number of times I have actually TALKED about D on my blog. I don’t like the conversation that surrounds her, it is unpleasant, unproductive and (CLEARLY) toxic af. I don’t know why I have the ~responsibility~ to talk about things I have never talked about in the first place or what ~accountability~ I have for things I have never fucking talked about. And I NEVER said there wasn’t toxicity or issues in the fandom when we talked and on the NUMEROUS occasions where they continued to try to show me wank when I specifically said I was trying to AVOID WANK and had it Blacklisted, TS-ed, blocked, and filtered all I possibly could. They were forcing things on me that I was not seeing BY DESIGN for my own personal reasons which I explained to them on more than one occasion. Me saying “I didn’t fucking see this” isn’t me saying “that didn’t happen,” CLEARLY it happened given that they showed it to me. They are just completely misrepresenting what occurred here.

(Oh and not to mention that the times that I DID get involved or try to do something, they were deemed “not good enough“ or “not supportive enough” or “not specific enough.” Remember the Love Train thing I tried to do to be supportive after the whole Campfire Fuckplot bullshit? Yeah, apparently that was me just trying to “bury them in wank.” Like, I cannot even EXPLAIN to y’all how draining and degrading and fucking depressing it is to have people CONSTANTLY nitpicking your every goddamn move and word trying to find some kind of insidious intent and make everything you do or say a personal insult to them. To CONSTANTLY have people hinting at or vague blogging about or a lot of times just down right telling you what a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad person and friend you are. To be CONSTANTLY accused of using people for popularity, of being fake, of lying, of gaslighting. And all this coming from people who are supposed to be your “friends,” it’s NEVER ENDING and it’s just awful to be around tbqh.)

(And it’s REALLY CUTE and SUPER CONVENIENT that the part about “oh wait lol I DIDN’T ACTUALLY SEND HER THOSE OR SHOW HER ANYTHING!!!” didn’t make it into the original call out post. Nooo no no, that call out post is just about how I’m a lying bitch who no one wants to be friends with because I’m fucking shady, and that’s what is making the rounds and that is what people are believing.)

Or how that part about me “reblogging with a rebuttal” is a FLAT OUT FUCKING LIE, given this is the post and the version of the post I reblogged…

Or how my url is NO WHERE in the notes of the 2 year old post she posted a screenshot of that is somehow supposed to prove my ~insidious knowledge~ of something…

A post which I do not remember seeing… I very well might have; but like I said, it has been 2 years, and it’s not a time I particularly care to look back on or think about. (I was also being placed on meds for the first time due to the personal/mental health issues I referenced at that point and my doctor was trying to figure out which dosages I needed so I was out of it A LOT.) Nor does this post refer Hitler at any point, which is supposedly what I am being a “fucking liar” about having never seen.

Or how those DM screenshots (of our private conversation from over a year ago) don’t say a fucking WORD about Hitler…

Or how she left out the original part of the Twitter thread where I specifically stated that it is the “D is Hitler” argument that I’ve never seen. (and for the last time: NO, I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE IN FANDOM SAY THAT!)

And left out the ENTIRE rest of the twitter thread/conversation in question (which does not say ANYTHING about albinism). And in which I did NOT say that I have never seen anyone comparing D or the Targs to other things like Nazis, nor deny that there are any problems with this fandom being toxic (because, i mean, lol CLEARLY there fucking are)…

(**this is where the tweet in the photo above would go but I’m not putting it in again because that would be redundant**)

(Links to this whole twitter exchange for anyone who wants them: x, x, x, x)

Or how this person is accusing me of just caring about ~popularity~ and wanting to maintain my “BNF-ness” and gain “popularity points;” an issue THEY are fixated on (and have brought up and accused me and other people of in multiple times in multiple conversations) not me (x, x)…

Or where they have straight up admitted to keeping tabs on me (or hate scrolling i think is the term the ~youths~ are using nowadays) on twitter even though we do not follow each other on twitter (or on here), and we are not on speaking terms and haven’t been for some time, and they have stated they wanted to curate me out of their fandom experience (x)…

Or where this person is bringing up private and very personal shit (that I told them in confidence because I thought they were my friend and that I could trust them) because they hate me (x)…

**Backhandedly referencing the fucking terrible depression I was going through at the time where I couldn’t even get out of bed in the morning. A fact that I, again, told her in confidence because she was supposed to be my friend and I trusted her.

(Also, this wasn’t the worst few months of MY fandom life. My fandom life doesn’t revolve about YOU or the things YOU care about, believe it or not. I’d have to sit down and think about when the worst time of my fandom life was. There are a few points in time that are strong contenders. But I gotta say… right now is NOT PARTICULARLY FUCKING FUN.)

AND bringing up personal things that happened between us which have nothing to do with what they are accusing me of or the situation at hand…

And for the fucking record: yes, our friendship crumbling DOES stick out in my mind. There are several events and things said that I remember VERY CLEARLY which happened over a number of months. I have NO DESIRE to get into all of that, I personally don’t like airing my dirty laundry for everyone to see or broadcasting my personal issues with someone like it’s one of those fucking Jerry Springer talk shows… But given the fact that the last text this person sent me was about 5 months ago on October 10, 2018 (yes, I have “receipts.” but no, I am not posting them. I, for one, don’t like violating the trust people had in my or their privacy by posting stuff from our private conversations) over a YEAR after this wank happened in September 2017, the dissolution of our friendship has very little to do with THIS.

Or how that was a call out post made up completely of misrepresentations and flat out lies, yet ironically has the goddamn NERVE to call ME a “fucking liar.” And that it was full of false information that she “stands by” and is not only LEAVING UP to let it continue to spread through out the fandom, but also NOT CHANGING OR CORRECTING the part where SHE FUCKING LIED. And how now I am having people like YOU who didn’t even read the post or look at anything she said (which is nothing) calling me a fucking liar too.

Or about how all of this (whatever ~this~ is or whatever tf they were trying to prove) probably has nothing to do with the incident in question in the first place. No, this is more about their person feelings on ME and the shit that went down between us and whatever ~sins~ they feel I have committed against them. And that I didn’t let them boss me around and do what they told me to do and fall in line or CONTINUE to let them use me as their fandom punching bag and take out all their fandom frustrations (that had nothing to do with me and that I could do nothing about) out on me. And that they are using this as an excuse to lash out at me and come after me with bullshit that ISN’T EVEN TRUE. They are straight up, flat out using LIES to call ME a liar… I don’t fucking like this, I don’t want to “Go” or “Do This.” In fact, I fucking hate this; it makes me feel icky and I just want it to be over. But I am NOT going to just not stand up for myself. Of course THIS isn’t the shit that will get spread around or that people will see or believe, but I’m not going to let myself just take it lying down.

DON’T call me a lunatic, DON’T demand I take responsibility for shit I didn’t do and didn’t say, DON’T call me a fucking liar, and DON’T come into my ask with this crap again.

Hate me all you want, you clearly aren’t the first and I’m sure you won’t be the last… but DO NOT SPREAD LIES ABOUT ME.