#I say as if horrific things aren't talked about in this chapter too

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Head in my hands. What if I split Chapter 4 of "Love will cost an arm and a leg" into two parts.

[ewingstan]

The Love Lost interlude was interesting. The flashback to interrogating Jen seemed to be establishing that Nicole was, even before everything, operating on certain specific beliefs and resulting frustrations. She saw the world as filled with people who aren't people but monsters, and was frustrated at how little she could do about it. She couldn't "stop all the bad guys," resented the misconduct statutes that slowed down her ability to send "monsters" to jail, and was at least somewhat aware that punishing them after they already hurt people accomplished little.

All of which helps explain her obsession with Rain: she sees him as an especially heinous monster who's escaped punishment too long. Not dealing with him and the other monsters would be compounding her failures, and the fact that killing him wouldn't accomplish anything doesn't matter that much, since she didn't really see it as accomplishing anything back when she was a cop.

The oddity is how she sees herself as working with another monster to "save the world." Firstly because Rain doesn't seem world-threatening, though maybe she's talking about the Mathers more generally. The whole of their plan still isn't clear to me, I'm not sure why they needed to attack the Navigators. But the bigger thing is that she sees Cradle as a monster, and it seems like the text agrees with her even in a way it didn't for Jen.

And its somewhat weird for the text to agree with that "some people are monsters" framing when this whole chapter is pretty clear that its wrong. Its earlier use in the flashback seems to be purposefully positioning it as wrong and dangerous:

Nicole describing people as inherently monstrous is first given in the context of a cop deciding someone must be guilty, and falsifying evidence on that basis. Its introduced as being part-and-parcel with police misconduct. And later parts pose it as something borderline fascistic:

She sees certain criminals as "not having reasons," as if they're savages who do violence because of some automatic, atavistic urge. Instead of, you know. Doing crimes to get money/revenge/safety/etc. People usually have reasons for doing things. But the fact that she thinks some people don't, and that she uses such a politically charged word as "degenerate" to describe such monsters, all signpost that Nicole is following an overly simplistic ideology with horrific ends. Even if she sees herself and Nailbiter as "very similar people at different points in their journeys," she sees the latter as someone who needs to die.

Then there's the whole Colt thing, that Colt was distressing to Nicole because she straddled the line between "innocent child" and "monster" and her becoming a parahuman pushed her in one direction rather than Colt's own autonomous choices. Colt has from the start been an example of people doing stupid harmful things for understandable reasons, and Nicole recognizes that as a burr in her worldview.

But then the reveal that Cradle has been manipulating the cluster and literally turning them evil for his own ends. Which admittedly I still don't understand at all. Though part of that is that I don't understand Nicoles side either; she wanted to kill all the "rule-breaker capes" but also said that stopping kids from getting into capedom was a worthy goal, and whatever she thought they were doing with March I completely missed. But the last paragraphs of Cradle revelation suddenly reinforces what the rest of the chapter so persistently (and often skillfully) tried to argue against vis-a-vis some people just being monsters. I'd typically say that this means that we have to be due for a humanizing look at Cradle, but nothing I've seen from Wardblr indicates I'll get it. We'll see.

Part of the problem might just be the form of the story: a genuine ideological belief that no human is a true monster gets in the way of having a truly villainous villain. But I'm not sure why this story needed one.

[the-priestess-of-dawn]

thinking abt ur validar post because i actually thought about that a little in my stupid werewolf fic. I had to really sit down and be like "what the fuck would people even FIND attractive about this guy enough to have a baby" and I didnt wanna just use the occult angle and it hit me that Validar isn't self-caring because he hates he's not the vessel he wanted and yeah he definitely IS the equivalent of That Parent. You know the one. What I'm saying is maybe there's a commentary to be made here abt how the Plegian people and him in turn felt so dehumanized in general after a point even the extremist sects of Grimleal were better bc well, if you become food for Grima/BECOME Grima's body then you're useful and good and righteous. What gets me is Plegia isn't poor, either, but its poor in sustainability outside the ocean... idk, a lot of food for thought with Validar here. I didn't expect to think abt him in FEH so deeply but here we are.

Honestly it's kind of embarrassing how much I HAVE deeply thought about Validar. I've been wanting him to get into FEH for a long time now. A lot of his lines in Awakening are so poorly written that it's hard to make sense of him as a person. But even though you can't really argue that he's in any way sympathetic in the text... For me at least, there's no such thing as a completely unsympathetic villain, and I can't help feeling sorry for both him and the other members of the Grimleal...

I mean, yeah, when Aversa explains that Plegia suffering under Gangrel was useful because it drove the people to worship, I think we ARE supposed to feel bad for the common people. But I think it's easy to fall into a trap of trying to distinguish those ordinary citizens from the evil, manipulative leaders like Validar just a little bit too much. Aren't they all trapped in the same vicious cycle, in the end?

Over the course of the game, we occasionally fight some Grimleal enemies who are... really just nasty, and not supposed to be given a second thought at all. But I can't help but be moved that they call out to Grima with their dying words... "Master Grima... my life force... is yours..." (Chalard, Chapter 8). "Lord Grima... Rain down... retribution..." (Jamil, Paralogue 6).

The Grimleal... love Grima. Even Validar loves Grima. Aversa says he's everything she knows of love, but she also doesn't presume he loves HER, so of course it's his devotion to Grima that she sees. Notably, it's this form of love that makes her content to die for him.

So I end up feeling deeply moved, even though (or more accurately, BECAUSE) the entire philosophy behind the Grimleal is so horrific. The deep despair these people must feel in order to see salvation in the form of humanity's destruction... It's NOT just "hee hee powerful dragon will make me powerful" because these people, including Validar, do not presume that they are special and going to survive. Even the leader of the Grimleal is nothing. Grima alone is everything.

And... okay I talk a lot about the symbolism of Grima's name meaning mask, which I love so much, but lately I've also been thinking about the meaning of their Japanese name, Gimurei—from Norse, Gimlé, referring to the place where the righteous will dwell in happiness after Ragnarok, which will stand "even when both heaven and earth have passed away." So... yes, I do think that for the Grimleal, giving their souls to Grima is a way of becoming righteous. The world is cruel and ugly but Grima will make it right :::)

(Of course, because they believe Grima is the only answer, no one does anything to make the world they have any better. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. One that Grima is drawn into as well. When this is what they wake up to, what are they supposed to do? If they don't destroy the world, they will be letting a LOT of people down.)

[misireads]

The Ruins by Scott Smith

[physical book, read in english]

a group of young adults on a vacation in mexico decide to go on an adventure to find their new german friend's missing brother and follow his message to a remote town inhabited by a community of mayans. from there, they follow the leads to the jungle where they find themselves stranded on a vine-covered hill that the natives won't let them leave anymore. after realising that they're stuck there, the group starts to prepare for long-term survival on the hill.

➕ i really like the structure of this book, the way there are no chapters so it all feels like one breathless marathon. the POV keeps jumping between the four american characters, seamlessly continuing the story from the perspective of each in turns. it's very well weaved together.

➕ especially the beginning is so delightfully ominous and builds up the tension very well. there's the innate horror of the constant heat, the jungle, travelling further and further away from safety against their better judgment, a town full of people who don't speak your language, tick-covered dogs whose shit is full of maggots. i'd argue this was the scarier part of the book, really, though i did enjoy the rest as well. then, once the characters are stuck on the hill, the way the situation just gets worse and worse no matter what they do or don't do. it all starts off so innocuous and keeps going wrong like a slowly progressing trainwreck.

➕ this belongs to the genre that i call the until dawn-esque horror and i very much love it. the characters are college students, especially the americans are so incredibly cringe and annoying or stupid or both. some people criticise that they can't enjoy a story if the characters aren't likable and relatable but i'm the opposite, when we're talking about horror where the characters are all doomed to be horribly tortured and probably eventually killed, the more annoying they are the better. but even then, i wouldn't say they're entirely unlikable. the way they try so hard to survive but nothing works made me feel pretty bad for the characters, even if they were stupid af most of the time. [spoiler] why didn't they just set the vines on fire if they had matches on them at all times like seriously

➕ LOVED the very end, the last paragraphs. [spoiler] not just the sense of the circle starting all over again but the fact that the greeks would have come in a couple more days but these stupid shits got themselves killed. love the sting of it

➖ we're always teetering on the edge of racism when the concept of a horror piece is Ooh Spooky Weird Exotic Native Americans (or an equivalent from other continents) Who Are Utterly Incomprehensible And Cryptic And Have Spooky Scary Native American Habits And Ritual Sites. wooo rural mexico, much spook, look how poor and savage they are and how they're not like us civilised white people at all, woah. like literally the mayans in this story are murderers. it makes sense in the context of the story and it's like, entirely the dumbass white kids' fault for going further and further, but context will not erase racism.

➖ this maybe dragged on a bit too long. after the promising beginning and the horrific shaft episode, things kinda slow down and get less interesting. especially [spoiler] once it's made explicit that all the horror is caused by the vines. but i did like how eric's character arc went down, his demise was so fucking gruesome, 10/10

➖ i found out after i finished reading that there's a movie made of this (and the trailer looks like horseshit) and after seeing that i went like yeah… this did feel like a book written so it could be made into a movie. although i liked it, and i haven't really read books of this format, it's obviously the horror teen flick pattern here.

⭐ score: 4- -- overall i enjoyed this, and especially the beginning was genuinely creepy with a great atmosphere. i would have preferred if the whole story had stayed more like that, where the horror is something very real and tangible, not [spoilers] spooky magical vines that can talk, i could have lived without the supernatural elements introduced here. even worse, the movie trailer talks about wow woah a sacrifice site of the native americans yeah ok i'm glad you left that out in the original, scott

[itsclydebitches]

I kinda wonder, what could bakugou do (hori write bakugou to do) to make him less popular with the "anti" crowd. Like He was a horrid child no doubt and people who try to put blame on Deku or lessen the terrible shit bakugou did aren't great. But as we don't rly see it, we have to assume bakugous behaviour wasn't stopped, we only ever saw his mum "punishing" him when he was being rude after getting kiddnapped. Nothing will excuse what bakugou did, but he has stopped? He's overall a harsh person but he's not harrassing and bullying people anymore, specifically not deku, he's trying to attone for what he did to deku and has now apologised for it. His behaviour was never viewed as justified or good in the series, he's a scary figure in middle school, we're not meant to like his behaviour, so the series itself hasn't justified his actions.

As someone who relate to both bakugou and deku more than I'd like to admit (never told someone to jump tho, that's fucked lol) so I can 100% understand not liking or even hating bakugou but as someone who's not 15 anymore, looking back I also made a lot of really shitty decisions and like bakugou have tried to make up for it, and like deku I was 'friends' with people who hurt me.

Is there anything he can do for the "antis" to just dislike him rather that be "anti"?

(I'm very sorry if you've talked about this somewhere, you can just tell me to look for it if you have, I'll continue to look for your posts on the subject)

Hey there, anon! I think I’ve spoken about this only tangentially and/or in my main Bakugo meta, which is too big for anyone sane to read. So yeah, let’s chat here!

For me personally—and that’s all I can ever do: speak personally. I think it’s important to keep in mind that there is no single solution to please the “anti” crowd. Each fan will be looking for something slightly different in Bakugo’s character, much of which might contradict what a “stan” is currently enjoying. Given how charged a character he is, I'm not sure it's possible to get the entire fandom to like him—what I’m looking for hinges on having a different reading of the story than you seem to. Meaning, I think the series does justify his behavior. Not in any overt, super obvious way like having all the characters go, “Wow, Bakugo! I sure do love how you threaten people all the time. That’s super cool and heroic!” Things are rarely that straightforward. Rather, it’s in a more subtle, but consistent manner that paints a rather conclusive picture across hundreds of chapters.

Simply put, Bakugo is continually rewarded for his actions. Or, if not outright rewarded, his actions are ignored in a way that implies silent acceptance. Characters may not always like what he does... but they're willing to let it slide because Bakugo's heroism was always treated as a given, not something he had to earn and prove.

With the ever necessary disclaimer that I’m not fully caught up yet, here’s a list of some of the things that stood out to me in the first half of the series:

Bakugo’s bullying made him the most popular kid in school.

Bakugo’s bullying was ignored by/outright supported by the teachers.

Bakugo’s bullying did not hinder him from getting into U.A., one of the most prestigious hero schools around.

Despite acting horribly throughout his time at U.A. too, this behavior was continually ignored by the teachers and other authority figures around him.

Bakugo’s struggle to realize that other people aren’t “trash” doesn’t hurt his achievements in any way. He still gets top scores, still wins the tournament, etc.

Bakugo’s behavior gets him special attention from All Might, the greatest hero and Bakugo’s personal idol.

His behavior doesn’t make others dislike him in any manner that’s taken seriously. Everybody is still willing to not just put up with Bakugo, but—in time—start treating his behavior as a quirk (no pun intended lol) that they’re secretly fond of, rather than something he should legitimately be striving to change. Kirishima is the most overt example of this.

This is compounded by his behavior constantly being framed as humorous. Much like with Mineta’s perverted actions, characters might superficially go, “No, that’s bad!” but the story never demands any significant development because then we’d lose the “joke” of Bakugo screaming in rage at the slightest inconvenience, threatening to murder someone over nothing, constantly belittling everyone around him in a “funny” manner, etc. When fans talk about development of a manga character as archetypal and extreme as Bakugo, most don’t really want to see significant change to his base personality. Because then that would result in someone who doesn’t look like the “real” Bakugo: someone nicer, more even-tempered, more mature, etc. But for those of us who were never drawn to that personality in the first place, the continued acceptance of his rude, egotistical, and violent behavior is discomforting. The easiest comparison I can draw is between this and Bakugo’s mother slapping him. That slap is meant to be another “joke”—we see it constantly in shonen anime, something "humorous" you shouldn’t take too seriously because haha, it's just an overprotective mother—but many fans do take it seriously, using it as the basis for a whole “Bakugo was abused and this explains his behavior” reading. Well, I take the “joke” of Bakugo’s threats and insults seriously, especially in a story that starts with something like telling Izuku to jump off the roof. In the same way that many fans want others to treat Bakugo’s mother as a serious topic that has had a negative influence on his development, I want the series to take Bakugo’s everyday actions seriously as a negative influence on… well, everyone around him. But it doesn’t. His base personality is grudgingly adored.

The above two points are seen most overtly in Izuku, who never wavers in his respect for Bakugo despite how Bakugo treats him. Not just prior to U.A., but during their training too. Izuku, as the protagonist, is the emotional heart of this tale, so when he talks about how inspiring Bakugo is, it encourages the reader to see his behavior as inspiring too. Rather than, as said, something that needs to change. Izuku's continued friendship with Bakugo, his adoration of him, and his acceptance of the way he's treated has severely warped how the entire story sees Bakugo's actions. After all, if #pure Izuku can see the good in Bakugo, why can't everyone else? He must not be that bad after all.

I could get into detailed analyses of all the above—like how Bakugo was the one comforted after attacking Izuku outside the dorms at night and how the messed up relationship he has with Izuku is upheld as something to nurture; how the remedial courses he had to take were made to be rather silly, thereby undermining their supposed importance to his development; how Bakugo’s kidnapping had nothing to do with his flaws, but much of the fandom uses it as a way to dismiss any appropriate consequences because, “Hasn’t he suffered enough?” etc.—but in the interest of keeping this within a readable length, I’ll leave it at that. The point is that Bakugo has always been privileged when it comes to his behavior, resulting in others either outright praising it, ignoring it, or demanding that he change a miniscule bit, which always keeps him far below the standards of both his peers and the expectations of a hero. Everyone in 1-A must learn to be even better than the good people they already are... Bakugo needs to learn that other people aren't dirt at the bottom of his shoes. It's never been a particularly impressive development when pit against the rest of the class. All of which can make something like an apology feel pretty hollow. Yes, he’s apologized and I say with all seriousness that that’s great! But how does that apology stack up against 300+ chapters of content? As Bakugo’s words highlight, he's been a really awful person up "until now": he was consumed by Izuku being “miles ahead of [him],” he “looked down on [him]” because he didn’t have a quirk, he “didn’t want to recognize that,” he “hated that,” “grew distant,” “tried to beat you down,” “opposed you and tried to show my superiority over you,” and ends it all with, “it probably doesn’t mean anything telling you all this” before finally getting to the “I’m sorry.” This is basically a laundry list of how horrible a person Bakugo has been for the entire series, with an acknowledgement that this apology is coming really, really late. This is the moment where I could START to like Bakugo, depending on how he acts form here on out, but that pivotal moment arrived after six years of content and in the final arc of the story. It’s too late. Bakugo needed this kind of self-reflection and positive action 250+ chapters ago so he could (hopefully) grow into a better person across the story, not at the story's end. What we got instead is 322 chapters of him being a really horrible person, but the story going out of its way to excuse or even praise that behavior the majority of the time.

As a quick comparison to end on, I think what Bakugo needed was what Soo Jin got in True Beauty. You don’t need to have seen the drama to follow along. The tl;dr is that she has a lot of the core qualities of Bakugo: an all-consuming drive to win that was created due to abusive parents with high expectations, resulting in her bullying a peer to a pretty horrific extent. The difference between them is how the story frames their actions. When Soo Jin becomes the bully she loses everything. Rather than succeeding academically, her grades plummet, making it clear that this anxiety and self-doubt (things the fandom keeps insisting Bakugo is struggling with, but that rarely ever show up in the text) is actually impacting her day-to-day life. Her best friend drops her because she’s not going to support her choices. The boy she likes rejects her. She’s eventually forced to start over somewhere new - which importantly separates her from the girl she was bullying - and get some distance from her parents, resulting in the growth needed to become a healthier, happier, good person again. So when Soo Jin apologizes to the girl she hurt, it feels earned. The story continually recognized how horrific her actions were and put her into a place where she either had to change, or continue losing at everything else that was important to her. Bakugo? Bakugo doesn’t lose. Oh, he claims he does because he’s comparing himself to Izuku constantly, but that’s just him thinking in extremes. He still wins academically. Still wins many battles. Still wins at having friends. Still wins by maintaining the prestige of being a U.A. student. Still wins by getting All Might’s attention. Still wins by receiving Izuku’s respect and an agreement to maintain this rivalry that Bakugo is so obsessed with. Bakugo comes out well 99% of the time, he just thinks he's "lost" because he can't stand not being the absolute best.

For me, the story needed to have Bakugo face consequences for his behavior, not receive rewards and/or have others ignore it, and that revelation/apology needed to come way, way sooner. For me the issue is not a specific action that Horikoshi can have Bakugo do in the next chapter and them bam, I like him now. The problem is Bakugo’s entire concept, how he’s received by the entire cast, and his run across this entire series. "Entire" is the key word there. Which is why the “But he’s apologized. What more do you antis want?” reactions don’t sit well. What we wanted is a better written redemption arc across those 300+ chapters, not a single scene that’s meant to have us forget all the other problems inherent in the story. At this point it’s a far more complicated situation than, “Bakugo just needs to do X, Y, and Z and then we’re golden.” At the end of the day, Horikoshi failed to make me like him as a person and I’m pretty sure he isn’t going to change Bakugo enough to make him likable to me. Bakugo was never the sort of character I’d be inclined towards without a serious, nuanced redemption arc, but sadly, a core, crucial part of that redemption arc took six years to arrive. At this point there’s no way to change the problems in Bakugo’s writing for that huge chunk of the series and not enough time left in the series, it seems, to do the work we should have seen across the entire run. Honestly, idk if the Bakugo we'll get going forward is someone I can just dislike as opposed to being really uncomfortable with, but my money is on there being too little story left and too much investment in upholding Bakugo's base personality for that to happen. I could absolutely be proven wrong! But I think the problems are structural and needed to be better dealt with from page one, not hastily patched over in the final hour.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter one - “to wakanda”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.5k

synopsis: reader works for what used to be shield as a highly skilled neuropsychologist. after the events in vienna involving the sokovia accords and a bombing, she gets an interesting request from friend and coworker sharon carter...a request involving none other than steve rogers and james barnes.

warnings: brief and indirect mentions of abuse/trauma

pairings: bucky x fem!reader

"I don't know Sharon. Are you sure I'm really the right person for this? I'm not, like, an Avengers level tech. Are you sure they don't want a genius or someone like Stark to do it?"

"Well, Stark is pretty busy right now, and honestly, no one knows psych like you. Not who I've met anyway."

"That is so not true. I'm willing to bet there's tons of other people you guys got somewhere who are ten times what I am."

"Agent (Y/L/N), in case you missed it, SHIELD isn't what it used to be. Sure we have old agents who aren't formally 'SHIELD agents,' anymore, but we don't have the expendability we used to. You're our best bet at the moment."

"Damn. I'm your best bet. I'm sorry," she almost chuckled, but then she thought for a brief moment. "Are you sure this is completely necessary? I mean, I saw the photo on the news. The quality's poor at best, and..."

She leaned in, discretely, and whispered.

"...not to seem like a conspiracy theorist commie or anything, but it kinda seems like people are jumping to conclusions here. Are we even sure it was Barnes who set off the bomb?"

Sharon looked around them, cautiously. No one seemed to be listening, but she scanned the room like her life as she knew it was hanging in the balance. She weighed her words in her head, making sure she picked the right ones, then formulated a response appropriate.

"Regardless of if it was him or not, Barnes still escaped. and before that, Ste-we'd been looking for him for almost two years. This analysis is necessary," Sharon brought her voice down even lower. "At least that's what I keep being told. Of course I'd like there to be more solid proof, but I'm not in charge here. He's gone, and they want to be able to find him and 'sort things out.'"

"'Sort things out,'" (Y/N) repeated, questioning the genuineness of whomever told Sharon that. "Unless they have hard evidence that it was him who set off the bomb in Vienna, shouldn't they leave that to uh...Captain America?"

She wondered how Barnes was able to escape in the first place. She saw the containment module he was in; there's no way he could've gotten out without a fight. ...But maybe it wasn't a fight. Perhaps it was a trigger word induced rage. (Y/N) understood a basic layout of the "Winter Soldier." SHIELD would've kept any information they had classified. However, after the fiasco in Washington, d.c. with Hydra and the whole releasing of all files predicament, she was able, with Sharon's help, to put together a simple outline. With that being said, he couldn't have broken out without going Winter Soldier mode. But doesn't someone need the trigger words for that?

“That's what a reasonable person would think, but once again, I'm not in charge," Sharon shrugged. "Things would probably be going a lot smoother if I was, but you can't have everything."

(Y/N) cracked a smile. Sharon was a friend, and a good one too. They'd known each other since before SHIELD was shattered in 2014. In fact, Sharon helped train her.

The only thing was: Sharon was a higher ranking agent and often withheld certain information from (Y/N). It frustrated her. This was where their personal boundaries got in the way of their professional ones.

She could tell there was something Sharon wasn't telling her, but she wasn't about to compromise either of their positions by pushing for information she wasn't supposed to know. Hell, maybe even Sharon knows something she isn't supposed to. Or maybe she knows something that Everett Ross wouldn't like. What if she was keeping something from him? Defying him? What if she was working with Steve Rogers? Now that would be interesting.

(Y/N) was used to secrets around her all the time. She knew Sharon had her fair share, and trying to figure them out wouldn't really get her anywhere.

"Right. Okay. Well, I'll get on this then. Thanks, Agent Carter," she teased in late response to Sharon's 'Agent (Y/N).’

Sharon offered a quick smile before walking off to attend to other business.

- - -

Pain. That was all it was. In every sense of the word. As she strenously made her way through the densely packed file of one James Buchanan Barnes, pain was all she could see. All she could read. It leaked out of the page and seeped into her skin like poison.

It was horrific what they did to him. She knew he had his memory wiped, had someone pull him out and stick someone else in. But it was more than just that. They took his past, his memories, his thoughts; and they ripped them from his mind, leaving an empty space to mold into their own. It was after this when Hydra, in every way they could, dehumanized him, made him less than. He was striped of his freedom, his control, his choice, his humanity, of everything that made him him. They beat and bruised and broke it out this empty human shell until he was nothing but a shadow of faded morality and consciousness.

But hell, she couldn't look away. She was glued to the aftershock of this horrible wreckage. All the years of studying Psychology and Neuroscience couldn't have possibly prepared her for the absolute horror that was his past, his abuse, his torture. It was heinous. Frankly, she questioned how he was still alive. How he still had the will and the drive to be alive. How do you live after that?

"Fuck," she breathed after eons of silence.

She seemed to lose her sense of time whilst she was immersed in the harrowing nightmare of Hydra's cruelty. 'Cruelty' doesn't even come close to doing it justice. When she came to, her desk looked like a bomb went off. Papers were bursting out of manilla folders, littering the linoleum surface with classified files and secret information. She leaned back in her chair, and gave herself a minute to debrief.

(Y/N) almost felt guilty, like she things she looked at were so vile, so violating that she didn't have the right to see them. Sure, she had read and analyzed all sorts of trauma and psychological profiles. But he was different. Something about James Barnes was different. It tangled her mind the fact that a person could endure all that. She could only imagine the effect that would have on the human brain. The possibilities are endless. Suddenly bombing the UN didn't seem so far fetched.

- - -

"Jesus Christ," (Y/N) murmured, staring at her office floor as Sharon finished explaining to her what happened at the Leipzig Halle Airport.

She sat mostly in silence as she pondered over the information just fed to her. Apparently Tony Stark gathered a 'team' to try and intercept Captain America - sorry - Steve Rogers and his (supposed) fugitive friend. It was chaos.

"What is this? Fuckin' Avengers Fight Night?" she wondered aloud. "How many people did you say were there?"

"Twelve total," Sharon clarified. "Five with Stark and five with Steve."

The psychologist shook her head, dumbfounded. "How did it end?"

"Steve and Barnes got out, but everyone else with them were captured and sent to the Raft."

"The Raft?!" (Y/N) exclaimed. "That's for, like, super humans! Not people like Sam Wilson or Clint Barton!"

"You're telling me."

Sharon seemed in agreement with everything she was saying. However, there was something she couldn't quite place. Like she was holding back. But holding back what?

"So what of Rogers and Barnes?" (Y/N) pushed.

Sharon got up and closed the office door before returning to her seat, leaning in, and lowering her voice. This secretive woman, god damn it.

"Well... That's what I came to talk to you about."

Oh boy. She didn't have a semblance of a single idea of what to expect. Apparently Sharon noticed.

"We're the only ones that know this. They're fine..." the agent trailed off, "They're in Wakanda, but they need a little help."

"Are you leaving?!" (Y/N) all but yelled before quickly slapping a hand over her mouth and uncovering it only to whisper, "Do you and Rogers have a thing or something? Cause' I don't know how else you would know all of this when I'm sure that no one else does considering he's now an enemy of several governments!"

"My relations with Steve Rogers are not the focus here." She could've sworn Sharon flushed. "But we have been in contact; I'm one of the few people he can trust right now, and I don't plan on letting him down anytime soon."

They totally have a thing.

"Noted," said (Y/N) with a nod, "but why are you telling me this? Does he want the profile analysis or something? I don't see how he would need it if he's known Barnes for however long."

"Not exactly..." Sharon fidgeted with her hands. "We need you to go to Wakanda.”

-

[A/N:] this is a repost of chapter 1 because my masterlist is being fucky

[alexhogh7137]

Rule The World with Me-

Ivar the Boneless × Reader

Story Summary: Ivar travel's to Kiev to escape his brothers, where he meets you and hopes that you will be his queen.

Chapter Twenty-Three: A Relaxing Day in Kiev

Chapter Summary: You and Ivar spend most of your day in bed. Ubbe and Torvi head back to Kattegat.

Word Count 2,035

Warnings: Fluff, a little bit of angst (not really)

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The sun is shining bright on this day. No clouds are in the sky, just the most beautiful blue to ever be seen. The birds are singing their tunes and the animals are dancing in the trees. You roll over to see your husband laying flat on his back. His arm is above his head and his chest rises and falls so beautifully and calmly.

You smile and ask yourself, how did I get so lucky? You use your hand to move away a piece of hair that has fallen on his face. You move your body to lay on top of his. Once you are comfortable, you squeeze him a little tighter and nuzzle your face in his chest. You feel his arm wrap around your waist and he moans. You smile and place a kiss on his chest, to which he tightens his grip. 

Ivar "Mmm, good morning princess." 

"Nope, we aren't getting up yet."

Ivar chuckles, "Oh we aren't?"

"Uh uh..just wanted to get closer to you."

Ivar squeezes both of his arms around you and nuzzles his hand into yours. "How is this?"

"Mmm much better."

Ivar "okay, kitten. Sleep tight."

…

It is early afternoon by the time you and Ivar wake back up. You probably would've stayed in bed all day if you didn't have to feed two people (you and your child). Ivar uses the chains above the bed to help lift him up in the mornings. He puts on clothing and you do the same. You decide to go with a blue and white dress for this day, you haven't worn it in the longest time. Ivar gets up using his crutch and looks up at his beautiful wife.

Ivar "So perfect." You turn around and smile at your beloved. You never get tired of how much he compliments you, given that your late husband never did.

"Thank you, babe. Do you think Ubbe and Torvi have left already?"

Ivar "No, I don't think so. Kiss?"

You walk up to him, wrap your arms around his neck and lean up to kiss him. He smiles into the kiss and pulls you closer by your waist. 

Ivar "Can I kiss you forever? Hmm?"

You kiss him again, "Yes. I would love to kiss you forever, my love." He kisses you once more and then drags you out of the bedroom doors. You walk out to see Hvitserk, Ubbe, Torvi and Igor sitting around the dining table talking and laughing. It is such a beautiful sight to see your family happy given yesterday's circumstances.

Ivar "Eating without us, are we?"

Hvitserk "Well good morning Ivar, it's almost three." You burst out laughing and lean into Ivar's side.

"Hey, you told us to sleep in! We simply took your advice." You say and take a seat at the head of the table.

Hvitserk "I'm only kidding, little sis."

Ivar "When are you leaving, brother?"

Ubbe "Before night fall. I want to spend some more time with you all before we head back to Kattegat."

Hvitserk "How is Thora?"

Ubbe "She is doing well, brother. Why don't you just come home, and see her?"

Hvitserk "No. No. I must stay here to see the birth of my godchild."

Ivar "You can go home, Hvitserk. We will send news when we think Y/n is close to delivering."

Hvitserk "But I promised Y/n-"

"It's okay, Hvitserk. Go home to your beloved."

Hvitserk grabs your hand and gives it a little squeeze. "I'm not leaving you."

Ivar "Well what about you bringing her here then, huh?"

Hvitserk "That's not a bad idea.."

Torvi "When I get back to Kattegat, I can tell her you wish to see her."

Ubbe "I'll have a few guards be with her on her travels, if you would like."

Hvitserk "Okay, let's do that. Are you sure Ivar?"

Ivar "Of course. I want you to be happy here in Kiev, not sad because you are missing your woman."

Hvitserk "Thank you, brother."

Igor "I can't wait for the day I get married.."

Ubbe "Oh yeah?"

Igor "Yes. You are all happy with your special someone's...I want to be happy too."

"Well we all have been through a lot of heartache to get to where we are today, dear boy. I was with your uncle before I met Ivar, Hvitserk was with a slave before he met Thora, and Ubbe was once married before he was with Torvi. It's not always perfect love the first time around."

Ivar "Y/n is right. You are still young, dear Igor. You will find love one day, but for right now...focus on being a kid. Because once you aren't a kid anymore, you have bigger responsibilities."

Igor "Yes, my king."

Ubbe "I remember when we were kids, brothers."

Hvitserk "Oh no.."

Ivar "So do I, it was horrible.."

Ubbe "Not every memory is horrible, Ivar."

Ivar "No but many are. You aren't a cripple are you, Ubbe...huh?"

Ubbe "No but we have some fun memories!"

Ivar "Like what? Hmm? Tell me..because what I remember is being pitied by everyone, Sigurd being mean to me every chance he got, watching father die before my very eyes and losing mother to that bitch Lagertha.. so tell me Ubbe. What is a good memory?" Hvitserk hung his head down because he knew that Ivar was right. Ivar's childhood was much different than theirs. He couldn't fight like they could, he couldn't do a lot of things that they did. 

Ubbe "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even said anything."

Hvitserk "We might not have good memories as kids but we have these past few days. These will be good memories to look back on. We won a battle together as brothers!" 

Ivar "That is true, Hvitserk. I am glad that you are all here right now. But don't tell me that I had a fun childhood Ubbe, because it was no such thing." Ubbe didn't say another word. You could see the pain in Ivar's eyes. He was probably having horrific flashbacks come into his mind because he was breathing heavily and his eyes were glassy.

"Ivar, look at me. You might have had a rough childhood but look at your life now-"

Ivar "I am going to be a father." 

You smile, "Yes you are. You have also ruled Kattegat, a Christian village and now you are ruling Novgorod with me!"

Ivar "You are right, my love. I am so happy."

Hvitserk smiles, "I have never seen you this happy, brother. And that makes me happy. I love you."

Ivar "You do?"

Hvitserk "Yes, I do Ivar. We have had our rough patches but the gods put me back into your life for a reason and ever since I have been here, I have grown closer to you every single day."

Ivar "I love you too, brother."

_____________________________________

Ubbe and Torvi are preparing to head back to Kattegat. You will be sad to see them leave but you understand why they can't stay any longer. Ivar has been mostly silent for the remainder of Ubbe's time here and it broke your heart. 

"My love, will you talk to me. What is going through your mind right now." You walk up to where he is sitting, and pull his face into your torso, unbraiding his hair.

He sighs, "My childhood. It was terrible, princess."

"From what I heard earlier, I can only imagine how hard that all was for you. And I am sorry."

Ivar "But if none of that would have happened, I probably wouldn't be here with you right now. I wouldn't be in the happiest place in my life."

"Everything does happen for a reason Ivar, good and bad. The gods always make things happen for the greater good."

Ivar "Yes, they do-"

Ubbe "Ivar, Y/n..we are leaving!" You and Ivar walk over to say goodbye to Ubbe and Torvi.

Torvi "It was so nice to meet you, beautiful! Send me news of your baby, will you?"

"Yes, of course! You as well, I can't wait to meet the little guy." Torvi agrees and pulls you into a hug. She has become one of your closest friends during this period of time. You and her talked the days away while your husband's planned the battle. You are going to miss her company.

Ivar "Goodbye Ubbe, thank you for coming to help my wife and I."

Ubbe "You are very welcome. Anytime, I will always be here for you and Y/n. You believe that, yes?"

Ivar "Yes. Safe travels home, brother."

Hvitserk walks over to Ubbe and they give each other big bear hugs.

Hvitserk "See you soon, brother." They bud heads and they walked out the door.

….

Your back started to ache, so you decide to take a bath to calm your senses. Ivar and Hvitserk sit down in the formal room and chat for a bit. 

Hvitserk "It's going to be nice to have Thora here."

Ivar "Yes, I think so too. Y/n will get along with her very well."

Hvitserk "Oh they will love each other!" They both giggle and take a drink of ale. 

Hvitserk "I want to apologize, Ivar."

Ivar looks up at his brother, "What?"

Hvitserk "You heard me. I want to apologize for fighting against you, choosing Bjorn's side..I regret it immensely."

Ivar "I know you do, brother."

Hvitserk "I really do. I was angry and acted on those feelings. I was blind to his schemes and I am so sorry for fighting against you, Ivar."

Ivar "Thank you. I forgive you. I don't want to think about the past anymore, Hvitserk. I just want to focus on the here and now and my future with my family."

Hvitserk "I agree completely. I just had to say it because it was bothering me. I love you, you are my brother and I want to stay in your life."

Ivar "You will. I love you too, dear brother. I am glad that you decided to stay...I would have been sad to see you leave."

Hvitserk "Yeah well, I'm not leaving anytime soon."

Ivar "Good."

_____________________________________

You were on the verge of dozing off in the tub when Ivar came in. 

Ivar "Awe kitten, come on. The water must be cold by now. Let's get you to bed." You reach down to drain the tub before he takes your hand to help you out of the tub. He raps you in clean fur and takes you to bed. You are so relaxed and your muscles feel so good. Once your body hits the warm mattress, you melt into it like butter. Ivar joins you after a few seconds and giggles seeing his wife so sleepy after sleeping most of the day away.

Ivar "So sleepy, huh?"

"Mmm."

Ivar "This baby is sucking the life out of you tonight!"

"Mm I'm just so relaxed from the bath."

Ivar "I am glad. Your back was bothering you earlier, I am pleased to see that the bath helped you."

"Me too, I should start to feel the baby kick very soon!"

Ivar "How exciting!" He grabs your belly, one of his favorite things to do, "I had a vision this morning about our child, my love."

"Yeah?" 

Ivar "mmhmm. It is a boy, and he has your beautiful blue eyes and my smile. He is strong and whole." He watches your smile grow bigger and bigger across your face, "and wanna know the last part of the vision?"

"What is it?"

Ivar "....Hvitserk cried." You started to laugh, making Ivar laugh with you. 

"He definitely will. He already loves it just as much as we do."

Ivar "I know he does. I can't wait to see that vision become our realities."

"It will soon enough, just a few more months, my love."

Ivar "I love you so much," he looks down, "and I love you so much little one." 

"We love you, Ivar." He kisses you and you melt into the kiss. You swear that you fall more and more in love with him everyday. You feel so blessed.

_____________________________________

@hvitserkmarcosource @youbloodymadgenius @ivaraddict @ivarthebonelessvk @ivar-andersen @ivarthebonelesspage @ivarthebloodyking @desiredposion

[kaz3313]

Meeting with the Opposition

Chapter Two; Chapter One is below (previous link wasn't working) Chapter 3 is in the makings

@artthingymabob is who inspired me!

@dystopianinterstellar @azirafuck (also ask if youd like to be on the tag list!)

I honestly thought this would be a one off thing but oopsie daisy I got inspiration big time! Hope everyone enjoys 😊 Reblogs super appreciated

[[MORE]]

  Azriphale doesn't mean to be late yet here he is running through a crowded sidewalk people giving him nasty sideways glances. He isn't technically late but he isn't early; everyone in Heaven is slightly early as the term "fashionably late" was made by a demon and no angel wants to be associated with one of those. Well besides two; one of which is dubbed a traitor and the other is desperately weaving through crowds and could be considered a hypocrite if anyone is to find out why.

  The reason he is running late is because of Heaven; an angel gone off the deep end. They created quite a ruckus- shouting threats at everyone, causing damage to walls, and pulling up several plants from a garden. It was a fit not tolerated in Heaven and so it ended with them being locked in a room until further notice. He being the one to find an unoccupied room as well as having to catch them. Aziraphale is almost positive they'd have to put them through a trial (and he'd have to organize it) but when is still in the unforeseeable future. Even if he does calm down in that time period they is no possible way of getting out of a punishment.

   The angel arrives just on time but his face falls at the sight of the demon, Crowely, has already nabbed a table. An odd feeling, that isn't embarrassing, arises in him at the thought of the demon sitting at the table, awaiting his arrival. An odd tingly half familiar feeling he shoves down while approaching the demon in wait.

   "I would usually apologize for being late but l, since you are a demon and I don't dare say sorry to your kind, I won't," Azriphale states sitting down not daring to make eye contact with the other.

   "You aren't late, really you're perfectly on time. But our kind don't take well to apologies anyhow; anyone who tries we throw into the hell hound pit and bet on how long they will last," Crowely says and Azriphale looks up; the most horrific look plastered on his face. "I'm joking! I'm joking! Thought a being from Heaven could take a joke!" He lets out a hearty chuckle and Azriphale gives a forced smile in return.

  Crowely is only half-way being truthful in this, as he is with most things, as demons tend to throw each other in hell hound cages all the time. The difference being from what he said is that apologies don't cause such a reaction; it really is just a sporadic action done whenever something mildly inconvenient but thoroughly irritating happens. He doesn't explain the logistics though as he can clearly see the angel is troubled.

   Why he cares is a completely different story that Crowley will rather not want to think about. If he did try to explain though the conversation that followed would contain lots of half truths, hissing, stuttering, made up words (which if you mention that they are made up he will snarkily reply with "well all languages are made up) and end with someone getting stabbed in a major artery. So it's best to leave him be with his unusual consideration.

  "I suppose we should get right on to business since the jokes have ceased?" 'And proven to be unfunny' but Azriphale only adds that on in silence. He doesn't want to push any buttons he doesn't have to today.

  "Thinking 'bout ordering drinks first; Hell has been a bitch like usual and I've needed something to take my mind off it. So drinks first, work talk after," 

  "Drinks don't sound half bad," He momentarily massages his temples before picking up the drink menu "With no war I'm assuming Hell's been rowdy?"

  "Rowdy is a group of bratty teens whose equally bratty parents are going out for a month. Hell is a barnyard that has no food,drink, or cages and several exotic animals. Everyone is ravenous. Demons are thirsting for bloodshed so much we've had to bust several groups trying to form secret strikes to Heaven that would not only fail miserably but be embarrassing to see play out. One guy thought he could do a solo mission- and I have little respect for your army but I'm also not stupid and would send a single low ranking demon against God's army," Crowley rants and if not for the waitress' arrival he would've gone on a tangent. He orders the drinks flatly and expects Azriphale to follow suit immediately.

  The angel however is smiling at him which led to a flick of rage ignite. What had he to smile about? That hell was hellish and chaotic? He should know that just because everything is a shit-show they were not to be reckoned with. 

  "Same wine as his, dear," Azriphale addresses to the waitress and she smiles politely before heading back to the kitchen. "I find it amusing; the angels above are getting antsy themselves. Today actually one of them was found flinging a sword around wildly yelling about how they would deliver "divine justice" to anyone in their path. Of course angels aren't as cruel as demons but...the war not happening has thrown everyone off course. Even the most mild mannered".

  That's why he was smiling- a light weight lifts off Crowley's shoulders. "This is exactly why the two traitors need to be dealt with soon- I feel it would bring ease to everyone. Including, the eventual, second Armageddon," The waitress returns a smile of ignorance on her face. She didn't understand how weeks ago she should've perished nor does she know what these "fine" gentlemen are discussing. All she knows is what wine and food they order and all she hopes is that they give her a significant tip.

  "No doubt; those trouble makers will be given proper justice," Azriphale says picking up his glass of Chardonnay.

  "And no mercy," Crowely adds on, raising his own glass "Toast for the second Armageddon that-is-hopefully-soon-to-come, Angel?"

   "To a successful second apocalypse!" The two clink glasses both wearing uncharacteristic smiles and having found a new sense of determination.

  "Ssso you're ssaying?" Crowely slurs out, its blurred whether alcohol or his snake side were responsible for his long s'. Many drinks are shared between the two and many more were to come. Business is attempting to be addressed but as neither has the gull, or maybe the relaxation is a tad addictive, to sober up halfway thought up plans were being discovered.

   "I say that- well I think anyway. Why not just, we'll just watch the two! Eventually they'll bl-blab out something of importance! How they- how they gone- they gone to go be naive,"

 "Native, you ssstupid Angel,"

   "Oh, same difference! It doesn't matter exact terminology. All that matters is...well is the- the plan," Azriphale waves his hands around before returning to his empty glass. Instead of flagging down the waitress, they had the poor girl running back and forth like mad, he flicks his fingers and both glasses fill up. Crowley opens his mouth to say something but thinks better of it and sips the wine. "Whether its the Great Plan or Ineffable Plan or might as well be Plan B, I really don't care. We just need a plan,"

   "We have our plan," Crowley says with a slight huff.

   "Our plan?" The words our, referring to him and Crowely feel so foreign, scandalous even, but fit on his tongue like a well tailored outfit.

  "Yeah- Watch Gabriel and Beelzebub until they fuck up again. Y'know feel too safe let some information slip. Maybe we'll learn a weakness or two-whatever. And once we know all the right sstuff we crush them!" Crowley slams his fist on the table to reiterate his point.

  "Our plan," Azriphale still echoes quietly as if it is a secret to keep. Which in a way it is; if the other Archangels knew what he's up too, even under the sake of serving retribution, he could get in big trouble. Consorting with Demons led to well... he looks up at Crowley whom he's had two meetings with so far and more to come...apparently it led to professionals getting involved to track you down to find your weaknesses.

  Sure maybe the other Angels wouldn't understand and take what he's doing a completely wrong way but he is doing what is good! Surely if he wasn't God would punish him, right?

  "I'd say let's get dessssert before we head out our separate ways, eh?" Crowely says bringing the fretting Angel out of his worries (or at least creating a temporary distraction from them).

  "Dessert sounds lovely. I heard the creme brulee is to die for,".

[demon-winchester]

Tremors Behind The Veil Chapter 9

-Chapter 9-

Screaming and howls everywhere

I jumped from the bed with cold sweat and warm tears running down my face.

The nightmares have been getting worse.

Three days have passed with no signs of Circe in any of the abandoned churches surrounding the city.

I have not exchanged words with anyone... the days have felt endless. I need a win.

The doors of the bunker opened and I headed out. The weather was really moody. The sun was cowering behind the clouds and a light fog has coated the city, a city still asleep with only some birds chirping , saying good morning to whoever was unlucky enough to start their day this early. Two churches were left on my list and then, if I had time I would join my classmates for a coffee... Only two days were left after all.

Both churches turned out to be a waste of time. Empty, gothic buildings with some rotten furniture and plenty of bird nests. Another failure, my god I need a break.

I showed up to the cafe and I managed to scare a couple of my friends sitting with their backs turned on me. The time moved swiftly and the atmosphere was really light, it felt like a normal day for once. I tip toed my way around their questions and I must say it went surprisingly better than I expected. Though I couldn't forget the fact that this meetup was more bitter than sweet. It felt like a goodbye and as far as I'm concerned, it was. Lydia emerged with one of the teachers so I excused myself and I approached her once she was alone. We hugged and we started chatting. Eventually, I talked about the dead end I've put myself in because I'm sure her insight would help.

"Huh, abandoned churches you say?" she exclaimed while gazing in the distance, "Chapels are technically churches too aren't they?" she continued. "Well I thought about that too and I've checked.. Even if you count the fact that they are too small for a ritual or something, every last one I've checked was entirely empty" I answered. "Oh damn... OH DAMN" she said jumping up from her seat and smiling, "you know where else you can find a Chapel don't you?" she continued and I was left entirely confused,"Hospitals you idjit!!!".

My eyes lit up, "See, most times you're stupider than a pile of bricks but others... Well other times you surprise me and that's why I love the way you think" I said while starting to gather my stuff. "I'm gonna take the last part as a compliment but nevertheless fuck you!!" she replied. . . "You're leaving already aren't you?" she asked with a lower tone. "That lead might make the difference between life and death and I'm running out of time" I answered. "Tomorrow is the last day you know" she sighed. "I do know, and I'm spending it with you if I find her today... That's why I'm on a hurry" I replied and I hugged her "Bye for now and with a little hope, tomorrow is going to be amazing". "Bye" she replied in a somber tone while I was walking away.

After a bit of research I found an old hospital complex placed near the outskirts. I talked with some people on some creepypasta sites. It's called the Eloise complex but it's known within the community as the Hiver Noir Asylum meaning Black Winter. Stories date back to the Cold War era where the clinically insane were living there and apparently some doctors decided to have some fun with them... Even after all the things I've fought, humans still take the crown for the most despicable. It's been abandoned for 10 years now and it's supposedly haunted, sudden temperature drops, constantly frozen windows and they say you can hear teeth grinding and 'faint wails of anguish of the lost souls', man the creepypasta writers have a lot of imagination. Recently though there have been reports of veiled figures appearing in the premises. Certainly a great contender.

The sun was setting and the scenery was perfect, I of course had the cover of night and the fog would certainly come in useful for getting there... Too far to walk so I had to use my wings.

I landed and dust rose from the ground around me. The asylum was desolate. Overgrown weeds all around the premises and vines slowly making their ascend on the walls of the building . It almost felt like nature had consciousness, like she was trying to reclaim these grounds and then, hopefully, drag this horrid building in the deepest circles of hell.

I approached and I started hearing a weird sound but I couldn't quite understand what it was so I brushed it off. I reached the doors. The windows were frozen and the door knobs were encased in ice.. they wouldn't open. I kicked the doors down and a faint scream was heard in the distance. The weird sound could still be heard but now it was coming from right behind me... I could almost phrase what the sound was.. it stood on the edge of my tongue but I couldn't quite grasp it. I roamed around the building for a bit and the atmosphere was suffocating each and every second.

Eerie phenomenons were happening as I was delving deep inside the building. Peculiar figures standing at the ends of expanding corridors, doors opening and closing by themselves, faint wails in the distance, sudden temperature drops and that awful sound hadn't seized in all this time... My blood was running cold and the exit had never seemed quite so sweet, yet, I had to keep going. The wooden floors were creaking on my every step as I entered a long hallway full of rooms. I kept walking and I was sure some of the footsteps weren't mine. Something was terribly wrong in this asylum.

I was startled and I stopped moving. A face was at the end of the hallway, it was tilting from the wall and looking at me. I - I couldn't move a muscle and the person, or the thing, or whatever it was, it was still staring at me. When I managed to take a step back I felt someone breathing on my shoulder. "Can I crawl inside your body? I feel so, so cold." someone whispered to my ear, then I heard that sound and it was coming from them all this time... They started grinding their teeth.

<Flashback>

Countless nights full of feverous dreams and horrific delusions. They all came back, flooding my mind. Memories of that asylum deeply buried were now digging their way back to the surface. I've been here before. I was just a kid when I roamed these halls last time. My grandfather was admitted in this place... He was fighting with Alzheimer's but something else must have been going on in order to be here... This is an asylum for the insane after all. We would visit him during the spring and I can faintly remember the scent of daffodils as if it was dancing around my nose while I was running down these halls... These memories would always end up the same way once I entered the room of my grandfather. Seemingly normal but on a closer look, signs of deterioration all around. From dead flowers to cracked mirrors and even bugs crawling around. This happened every year and I remember that every time he struggled more and more to recognize me. He would tell stories about terrifying witches, fire breathing dragons and castles on snowy mountaintops and even those stories would start to lose meaning the more he kept talking... The words would start colliding and you couldn't understand what he was talking about. I used to have nightmares about these situations and I now believe that's where my fear of getting dementia originates from. After his death I dreamt about some of the other patients, they would visit me in my room at times and they would tell me how my grandfather's torment hasn't stopped... they would tell me he was burning in the pits of hell and that this was my fate as well...they would always grind their teeth as they would enter my room in my dreams..at least I hope it was in my dreams..

<Flashback End>

The grinding sounds were still right behind me. A weird figure in front of me, something on my back, black goo dripping from the ceiling and now a myriad of doors banging on their own right in front of me. I close my eyes trying to think. Instinctively, I form my hands to fists and I punch the thing behind me falling right through it. It was now walking slowly towards me. Its skin seemed burned and its face . . Oh god it was horrific . . It was just skin apart from a mouth with rotten teeth continuously grinding. It was getting too close. Time to use my powers I thought to myself, I punched it once again making it disappear. "Take the hint asshole" I said and I looked at my fists . . Dark vines all around them, so that's how I can defend myself. I begun walking, the doors all stopped moving at once and the figure in the end of the corridor was now gone . . Finally, some silence.

I kept traversing through the asylum slowly going to higher floors. Weird thing would happen but not too unexpected for this place . . Shadows, screams, the occasional teeth grinding from far far away and doors opening and closing by themselves.

"Sir" I heard a child's voice coming from behind me. I turn around and there he was, a small boy wearing old, almost torn, clothes. "Sir can you help me?" he continued hesitantly. "Hello little dude, what do you need?" I replied, slowly approaching him. "M-My ball . . It's in a room and i'm afraid to go get it." he said looking at the ground. "Hm how about we make a deal, I'll go get you ball and you can tell me if you've seen a girl with white hair and some people wearing black bed sheets, what do you say?" I asked with a reassuring smile. "Deal!" he answered and giggled. "Amazing, so where is that room?" I continued. "Well, it's that one." he replied as he pointed at the end of the hallway. I walked up to the door and a sign was above it saying "ARCHIVES", the door was locked, how do you lose a ball in a locked room I thought to myself. I pushed it and the lock broke immediately revealing the room. You couldn't see much, the only light was coming from the one window of the room, really made me appreciate how surprisingly well lit was the rest of the asylum. I saw the ball at the corner of the room and I went there to pick it up but as my eyes were adjusting to the lighting my blood ran cold. My name . . . my name was written on every wall and ceiling of the room. I picked up the ball and I almost flew out of this room . . Too creepy for my tastes. I started walking and my 'employer' was nowhere in sight. "Hey kid!" I yelled and suddenly he replied behind me, "Yes?" he said. "Okay, I found your ball, tell me about the girl and the people with the bed sheets and it's all yours" I said. "I thought I saw the girl coming here a few nights ago and going to the amphitheater at the top floor but i'm not sure. But, I've seen the bed sheet people hanging out on the top floor the past couple of days." he replied with a smile, never taking his eyes of the ball. "You have been so helpful so here's your ball" I said while handing him the ball, "how did it get in there though?" I continued. "I have no idea" he replied and he grabbed it off of my hand. "Alrighty then, nice meeting you" I said while nodding. "Thanks for the help" he replied. I turned around and I started walking towards the stairs. "Oh yeah, I forgot, do you want me to help you get out of this place?" I said, turning around to face him and he was already gone.

"What the fuck" I said out loud and I started looking for him. A few minutes passed and still no sign, I returned to the archives to take a look and the ball was once again there. I went to pick it up and I noticed that there was another corridor in the archives room. I followed it and at its end I saw the skeleton of a small child with the same clothes my little pal wore. "Oh God" I said silently as the realization hit me. The door closed suddenly and the faceless thing from earlier started emerging from the wall behind the skeleton. I ran but the door was somehow locked again and this time it wouldn't break open. "It's rude to ran away from a lady" the thing said while grinding its teeth. "Fucker if you're a lady i'm turning gay" I sassed while trying to find a way out. I saw a vent and I started climbing on top of some shelves to reach it. I broke open the vent and suddenly while I was climbing inside I couldn't keep moving. "You're not getting away" the thing screeched and grabbed my leg with its slimy arm. I struggled to break free but I couldn't and in the meantime, it kept climbing. Its head emerged and at that moment summoned the vines around my fists and I punched it throwing it on the other side of the room. "I'm not disappearing this time hehe" it said laughing while spilling something white from its mouth . . its blood I assumed. "Do what you want, I'm getting the hell out" I replied while I was dragging myself through the vents.

I heard some weird sounds in the vents and they became more prominent as time passed. "Oh oh" I said and the vents broke down making me hit the floor fave first. I've been through worse I thought to myself and I started running up the stairs to the top floor.

"Time to power up" I said and I summoned my armor along with my sword on my back and my gun on it holster. Harbingers started appearing as I was following the signs to the amphitheater though they would go down way easier than I remembered. The closer I got the more they were and by the time I reached the doors of the room the place was practically crawling with them. I cleared out the place and it was time to see if I had finally found her. I tried to open the doors and as always they wouldn't barge so a kick it is . . . The doors fall down to the floor and I see her, in a chair in the middle of the room just standing there, her eyes turned blank and dozens of harbingers flying around and screaming. I started shooting. That must have done something because she suddenly came to her senses. "You came to get me" she said. "Of course I did" I replied. "Come untie me fast!" she ordered while struggling to get free. "Stay there for a bit, I've got it. Plus if I untie you, you'll have to fight." I continued. "Don't threaten me with a good time" she said smiling. I approached her as I kept shooting and I slashed the chains with my sword, finally the harbingers were almost all gone and I now had some support. The thing came in through the door. "We're not done yet pretty boy" it said and it started approaching. "Damn, she fugly" said Circe. "She?!?!?!" I asked. "How did you know it's a 'she' I continued. "Follow me and I'll tell you as we're escaping" she said and she started running to the roof door. "Well, that's a vengeful spirit and an ugly one at that, basically if their skin seems like it's melting it's a female." she continued as she was kicking the roof door. "Such a smart lady" the thing said, now closing distance fast. The roof door broke down and we were outside . . . The thing was right behind us so we run to the edges. It slowly kept approaching. "You haven't seen what I can do yet" it said and smiled with that horrid rotten teeth. Circe ripped a piece of her shirt and she placed it inside my armor. "We jump on 3" she said. "I'm sorry what, this place is 6 floors tall and-" I continued but she interrupted me, "THREE!" she yelled and she dragged me down with her.

She muttered something while we were falling down and somehow we were safe. "WE COULD HAVE DIED YOU PSYCHO" I screamed at her. "But unfortunately you didn't" said a familiar voice. Smoke came from the roof and danced around the figure that was standing at the entrance of the asylum eventually materializing into the spirit. The figure stepped forward and he was Damien. "Why are you still on our trail" Circe asked with a disappointed tone. "A job is a job love and I have to finish it" he replied with a grim smile. "Let us go and let's put this behind us" Circe continued. "Hell no" I said. "He fucked with us again but this time i'm so much more powerful" I continued. "Aiden stop" said Circe. "Aiden keep going" said Damien. "You indeed have become more powerful" he continued. "And how would you know that?" I asked holding my gun tightly. "Well I've been watching you of course. Not me exactly but my friend Proxy here . . I believe you've met" he said. "Of course that's your friend" I replied. "Aiden, please let's go" said Circe but I couldn't let him go unpunished, let's not forget I now have a really powerful weapon ready to test on him. I drew my sword but his expression was indifferent. I started running my hand across it revealing its new form

. . he smiled and raised his eyebrow. "AIDEN STOP NOW" Circe screamed as the sword was taking form once again. I decided to shoot some energy straight to him but something felt...off. The beam left the sword as Circe was screaming "NO". It all happened so fast. The beam hit him but it did no damage, instead it came straight back to my sword. Circe just started running away. Damien raised his hand and I couldn't move a muscle. "You see I have some tricks of my own" he said. He started approaching. I couldn't do anything. "You see, you have indeed become more powerful but I still played you like a pawn" he said while he drew a pitch black knife. I could only watch. "Once I'm done with you my next target is her." he whispered in my ear and anxiety filled my body, I hoped he was talking about Circe . . I didn't want to think of the alternative. He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pockets. He took a the lighter and lit a cigarette. "It feels nice having you as my plaything" he said as he touched the lit cigarette on my face. "What wasted potential" he uttered and he slowly forced the knife into my throat.

I could taste my blood. Everything was turning dark. Hope started slipping through my fingers.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter one - “to wakanda”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1,564

summary: reader works for what used to be shield as a highly skilled neuropsychologist. after the events in vienna involving the sokovia accords and a bombing, she gets an interesting request from friend and coworker sharon carter...a request involving none other than steve rogers and james barnes.

[A/N:] not my photo

warnings: brief & indirect mentions of abuse

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

"I don't know Sharon. Are you sure I'm really the right person for this? I'm not, like, an Avengers level tech. Are you sure they don't want a genius or someone like Stark to do it?"

"Well, Stark is pretty busy right now, and honestly, no one knows psych like you. Not who I've met anyway."

"That is so not true. I'm willing to bet there's tons of other people you guys got somewhere who are ten times what I am."

"Agent (Y/L/N), in case you missed it, SHIELD isn't what it used to be. Sure we have old agents who aren't formally 'SHIELD agents,' anymore, but we don't have the expendability we used to. You're our best bet at the moment."

"Damn. I'm your best bet. I'm sorry," she almost chuckled, but then she thought for a brief moment. "Are you sure this is completely necessary? I mean, I saw the photo on the news. The quality's poor at best, and..."

She leaned in, discretely, and whispered.

"...not to seem like a conspiracy theorist commie or anything, but it kinda seems like people are jumping to conclusions here. Are we even sure it was Barnes who set off the bomb?"

Sharon looked around them, cautiously. No one seemed to be listening, but she scanned the room like her life as she knew it was hanging in the balance. She weighed her words in her head, making sure she picked the right ones, then formulated a response appropriate.

"Regardless of if it was him or not, Barnes still escaped. and before that, Ste-we'd been looking for him for almost two years. This analysis is necessary," Sharon brought her voice down even lower. "At least that's what I keep being told. Of course I'd like there to be more solid proof, but I'm not in charge here. He's gone, and they want to be able to find him and 'sort things out.'"

"'Sort things out,'" (Y/N) repeated, questioning the genuineness of whomever told Sharon that. "Unless they have hard evidence that it was him who set off the bomb in Vienna, shouldn't they leave that to uh...Captain America?"

She wondered how Barnes was able to escape in the first place. She saw the containment module he was in; there's no way he could've gotten out without a fight. ...But maybe it wasn't a fight. Perhaps it was a trigger word induced rage. (Y/N) understood a basic layout of the "Winter Soldier." SHIELD would've kept any information they had classified. However, after the fiasco in Washington, d.c. with Hydra and the whole releasing of all files predicament, she was able, with Sharon's help, to put together a simple outline. With that being said, he couldn't have broken out without going Winter Soldier mode. But doesn't someone need the trigger words for that?

“That's what a reasonable person would think, but once again, I'm not in charge," Sharon shrugged. "Things would probably be going a lot smoother if I was, but you can't have everything."

(Y/N) cracked a smile. Sharon was a friend, and a good one too. They'd known each other since before SHIELD was shattered in 2014. In fact, Sharon helped train her.

The only thing was: Sharon was a higher ranking agent and often withheld certain information from (Y/N). It frustrated her. This was where their personal boundaries got in the way of their professional ones.

She could tell there was something Sharon wasn't telling her, but she wasn't about to compromise either of their positions by pushing for information she wasn't supposed to know. Hell, maybe even Sharon knows something she isn't supposed to. Or maybe she knows something that Everett Ross wouldn't like. What if she was keeping something from him? Defying him? What if she was working with Steve Rogers? Now that would be interesting.

(Y/N) was used to secrets around her all the time. She knew Sharon had her fair share, and trying to figure them out wouldn't really get her anywhere.

"Right. Okay. Well, I'll get on this then. Thanks, Agent Carter," she teased in late response to Sharon's 'Agent (Y/N).’

Sharon offered a quick smile before walking off to attend to other business.

- - -

Pain. That was all it was. In every sense of the word. As she strenously made her way through the densely packed file of one James Buchanan Barnes, pain was all she could see. All she could read. It leaked out of the page and seeped into her skin like poison.

It was horrific what they did to him. She knew he had his memory wiped, had someone pull him out and stick someone else in. But it was more than just that. They took his past, his memories, his thoughts; and they ripped them from his mind, leaving an empty space to mold into their own. It was after this when Hydra, in every way they could, dehumanized him, made him less than. He was striped of his freedom, his control, his choice, his humanity, of everything that made him him. They beat and bruised and broke it out this empty human shell until he was nothing but a shadow of faded morality and consciousness.

But hell, she couldn't look away. She was glued to the aftershock of this horrible wreckage. All the years of studying Psychology and Neuroscience couldn't have possibly prepared her for the absolute horror that was his past, his abuse, his torture. It was heinous. Frankly, she questioned how he was still alive. How he still had the will and the drive to be alive. How do you live after that?

"Fuck," she breathed after eons of silence.

She seemed to lose her sense of time whilst she was immersed in the harrowing nightmare of Hydra's cruelty. 'Cruelty' doesn't even come close to doing it justice. When she came to, her desk looked like a bomb went off. Papers were bursting out of manilla folders, littering the linoleum surface with classified files and secret information. She leaned back in her chair, and gave herself a minute to debrief.

(Y/N) almost felt guilty, like she things she looked at were so vile, so violating that she didn't have the right to see them. Sure, she had read and analyzed all sorts of trauma and psychological profiles. But he was different. Something about James Barnes was different. It tangled her mind the fact that a person could endure all that. She could only imagine the effect that would have on the human brain. The possibilities are endless. Suddenly bombing the UN didn't seem so far fetched.

- - -

"Jesus Christ," (Y/N) murmured, staring at her office floor as Sharon finished explaining to her what happened at the Leipzig Halle Airport.

She sat mostly in silence as she pondered over the information just fed to her. Apparently Tony Stark gathered a 'team' to try and intercept Captain America - sorry - Steve Rogers and his (supposed) fugitive friend. It was chaos.

"What is this? Fuckin' Avengers Fight Night?" she wondered aloud. "How many people did you say were there?"

"Twelve total," Sharon clarified. "Five with Stark and five with Steve."

The psychologist shook her head, dumbfounded. "How did it end?"

"Steve and Barnes got out, but everyone else with them were captured and sent to the Raft."

"The Raft?!" (Y/N) exclaimed. "That's for, like, super humans! Not people like Sam Wilson or Clint Barton!"

"You're telling me."

Sharon seemed in agreement with everything she was saying. However, there was something she couldn't quite place. Like she was holding back. But holding back what?

"So what of Rogers and Barnes?" (Y/N) pushed.

Sharon got up and closed the office door before returning to her seat, leaning in, and lowering her voice. This secretive woman, god damn it.

"Well... That's what I came to talk to you about."

Oh boy. She didn't have a semblance of a single idea of what to expect. Apparently Sharon noticed.

"We're the only ones that know this. They're fine..." the agent trailed off, "They're in Wakanda, but they need a little help."

"Are you leaving?!" (Y/N) all but yelled before quickly slapping a hand over her mouth and uncovering it only to whisper, "Do you and Rogers have a thing or something? Cause' I don't know how else you would know all of this when I'm sure that no one else does considering he's now an enemy of several governments!"

"My relations with Steve Rogers are not the focus here." She could've sworn Sharon flushed. "But we have been in contact; I'm one of the few people he can trust right now, and I don't plan on letting him down anytime soon."

They totally have a thing.

"Noted," said (Y/N) with a nod, "but why are you telling me this? Does he want the profile analysis or something? I don't see how he would need it if he's known Barnes for however long."

"Not exactly..." Sharon fidgeted with her hands. "We need you to go to Wakanda.”