#I say I was cursed by the cringe fail loser gods but I AM the cringe fail loser gods

[the-halfling-prince]

I'm gonna talk about this once and then never mention it again lol because I'm a loser like that. So I'm writing this post httyd 3 fic that takes place when Zephyr and Nuffink are teens (I think maybe 15 and 13) and it's such a self indulgent fic that I'm literally too embarrassed to ever post it. Most of the characters are ocs. I've ignored the canon kids' canon personalities. I bring the dragons back. I do want I want.

[kira-fluff]

please please PLEASE may we have a part two to the 'only one bed' piece you posted 🥺🥺 your writing is INCREDIBLE and I loved it so much 🥺🥺🥺 if u decide to do a part two then thank u so much in advance,, hope u have a good day 🥺

a/n: you asked for it (some others did too but this anon was so adorable so I’m replying to this one) so I’m gon’ give it to u <3 also, THANK YOU I am being 1000% honest that your comments seriously brought me to tears I was SO happy you all loved it. when I say pt.2, I kind of assume that it’s with the same characters (since no one specified others) so that’s what I’m gonna do! 

Context provided, don’t worry babes 

WARNINGS: sexual harassment, intoxication, extremely heavily suggestive (it gets pretty spicy)

Also contains spoilers from part 1 but like why would you even read part 2 if you haven’t read part 1? Get outta here and read it!! (Why is this even a warning? I don’t know don’t question my methods) 

- 

“There’s only one bed” [PT.2] PT.1

Saeyoung 

You awoke to a sleeping Saeyoung, his toned arms enveloping your small body in a hug. Shamelessly, you laid still for a few moments longer.

When you’d noticed him stirring awake, you quickly shut your eyes once more, trying to conceal your growing smile 

Saeyoung blinked a few times before registering at last where he was 

He needed a little more time to register why you are in his arms 

Pretending to be asleep again, you nuzzled further into his chest, letting out a soft groan 

Saeyoung’s mind flew to DANGER MODE 

He felt kinda guilty holding you in his arms because let’s face it there’s no way he isn’t enjoying this 

He was so stunned that, for once, he was at a loss for words (shocking, I know) 

Blinking out of his stupor, he murmured, “Y/N?” 

His morning voice was... nice. 

You pretended to “wake up”, fake yawning before saying, “Yes, Saeyoung?”, subtly batting your eyes a little 

(It wasn’t subtle) 

But since Saeyoung is an actual fucking moron, he can’t tell the difference 

Play it cool, Seven. She can’t know that you know she was doing this all night and you didn’t do anything. 

“Wow”, Saeyoung choked out a laugh, “I didn’t know you liked me this much.” 

You look down, in between the two of you before slowly making eye contact with him again, smirking in disbelief, “I could say the same to you.” 

A slow blush crept up his face at the innuendo 

But he was NOT about to lose 

Saeyoung Choi is NOT a loser 

“Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn’t the one screaming my name last night.” 

You gasped, “Screaming?! I didn’t scream -- I would’ve remembered a dream like tha-- Oh!” You quickly covered your mouth, already feeling regret seeping into every bone of your body.

Saeyoung openly chuckled, looking at you with a sort of darkness in his eyes 

“You’re more dangerous than this whole mission.”

You were still out of sorts, failing to come up with a comeback besides a quiet, “I wasn’t screaming.”

A shit eating grin replaced the cool smirk on Saeyoung’s face 

“I win.” 

“Eat a dick, Seven.” 

“Sorry, I think I’m more attracted to the one who was moaning out, ‘Oooh, Saeyoung~~~’“ 

You threw a pillow straight in his face, muttering a “shut up”, blushing profusely 

Ever the competitive fucker, Saeyoung proclaims an all out pillow fight

It is WAR 

Throwing pillow after pillow at each other in between giggles and taunts and jeers 

“Take no prisoners!” you shouted, feeling unbeatable

Until Saeyoung grabbed your ass, pulling you down with him, earning a yelp from you 

“What the fuck, Sev’?! You cheater!!” 

“I don’t know, my hand’s a lot more comfortable here!” 

You scoffed, “Oh, YOU! YOU are gonna GET IT!” 

Saeyoung threw back his head in laughter but abruptly stopped when you grabbed his face with both your hands, and forcefully kissed him 

He let out a “MMPH!”, eyes wide 

Before, of course, kissing you back with equal force 

Gasping for air at last, you spoke in between breaths, “I......win..”

“Actually, darling, I think I just did.”

Noticing your loss for words, he smirked before asking, “So.... what’s my prize?” 

You didn’t have to be asked twice, “I think I have something in mind...”

His eyes met your own before slowly scanning your body, then snapping back to your eyes once more 

You bit your lip 

“I know you’ll lose at least one thing tonight.” 

“Bold of you to assume--” 

“Just shut up and kiss me again.” 

Wish granted ;) 

Yoosung 

Yoosung glanced away, taking a deep breath before saying, “Yeah, yeah I did. I really like you.” You couldn’t hold back the big ol’ smile that took over your face as you proudly declared, “Me too!!” Right when Yoosung was going to go in for a kiss, he saw his auntie suddenly right next to the both of you

“Oh my GOD when did you get here?!”

She smirked, “My question first, dearie, what did you two like?” Neither of you answered, your cheeks growing red

“You know, the first time your uncle did it with me I felt the same way. Like, what a man! Must run in the fam--” 

“OKAY! THANK YOU FOR THAT AUNTIE BUT BREAKFAST IS CALLING MY NAME MM SMELLS GOOD SEE YOU LATER.” 

Your blush didn’t leave you as you smeared strawberry cream cheese on your toasted bagel. This trip was going to be very VERY difficult. Thank God there was alcohol. And Yoosung. And probably dogs. And Yoosung. Yeah. Gotta love relatives.

Following this stunning confession, you felt dumb because, well, you still didn’t know where you really stood with Yoosung 

So when night came, you were ready to go to a party 

Putting on your earrings and making sure your clothes were laid properly in place, you stepped out of the resort room to a waiting Yoosung 

“H-hey, thanks for waiting for me,” You nervously tucked a stray hair behind your ear. 

Yoosung avoided eye contact, opting for a stiff nod 

You gazed deeper into the side of his head, feeling hurt. 

But... you decided not to say anything. 

Walking together to the reserved room the resort had made in preparation for Yoosung’s uncle was awkward, not a single word spoken between the two of you 

When you arrived, Yoosung’s eccentric uncle immediately shouted, “’Sung ‘Sung! Get over ‘ere! We’re gonna have a part-ay!!” 

You suddenly understood why Chaewon was the way he was 

and why Yoosung’s parents forced him to go on this trip instead of themselves 

Since you didn’t know his name, you opted for your nickname -- Uncle Alcohol 

Cuz he had a LOT of it 

In number, and in the amount he shoved down his throat at any given time

Seriously, how is this guy already drunk?!

You watched as Uncle Alcohol shoved a sloppy arm around Yoosung, not so quietly shouting something in his ear above the blaring music 

You were too far away to hear, thank goodness, but you took note of the way Yoosung immediately blushed and shook his head fervently, his hands held in front of his chest 

Before you could take in the atmosphere further, you felt a shiver down your back

Immediately turning around you saw the oh-so-famous Chaewon 

“Heeeyyyyyyy babbeeheehe...... Wannnaaa..... sliiidee in my room tonighhht?” Laughing in a way what made you cringe and your ears numb, you replied, “No thanks, bud. You should probably get some water.” 

“Nooo I want youuuu” Grabbing your boob in his hand, he laughed again, saying, “Nice” 

Oh my god.. where the fuck is Yoosung?? 

You quickly slapped away his hand, shouting, “Stay the hell away from me asshole! Try anything else again, and I won’t give a shit that you’re drunk or Yoosung’s family, I will call the cops on you!” 

He acted as if he didn’t hear you, but must’ve gotten the message because he sauntered over to another group of girls 

Aren’t those his cousins? What the fuck is WRONG with that guy?! 

The loud smack and curses answered the question. You didn’t attempt to help when you saw them proceed to beat the absolute shit out of him, blood and all. 

What you needed was a drink. Something really, really strong. 

You walked over to the resort bar tender

Something about your face must’ve given it all away because he began with a “Rough night, huh?” 

“Do not even fucking ask me about it. God, please, I’m sorry that was rude. I just need something strong... just give me three fingers of rye.” You waved your hand nonchalantly, sitting at a bar stool. 

“Are you sure, lady? You don’t look the type to handle that kinda liquor..”

“That’s kind of the point.”

He sighed, “Look... I’m not supposed to condone you getting completely shit-faced.. but you look like you need it tonight. I’ll make something a little easier down the throat, okay?” 

You nodded, exasperated. 

You didn’t know what it was, but it did the trick. It’s fruity taste easily passed down your throat, leaving you feeling lighter and more at peace. 

“’nother one.” 

He obliged, pouring another glass for you. 

Four drinks in and your world was already unbelievably wobbly. 

You were seeing double, looking at the bartender’s second form 

You laughed, it all seemed to funny 

Standing up, you stumbled over to the dance floor, grabbing one of Uncle A’s craft beers. 

Dancing was fun for a few minutes, grateful no one had bothered you. 

But you sat down, tears suddenly welling in your eyes 

You were alone. 

Yoosung. 

Your mood brightened just by remembering his name

Giggling, you called out, “Yoosuuungg~~~” repeatedly around the room 

One of the cousins heard your call, laughing because everything was funny, before grabbing Yoosung’s arm and shouting what they’d just heard 

Yoosung quickly glanced over at you, brows furrowed. They softened a little upon seeing your drunken state 

He’d had a beer or two, but the good feeling got old quickly and he sobered up by the time he’d noticed his cousins acting like complete fools 

Upon seeing him, your smile grew to a big, childish grin 

“Hiiii Yoosuuunggg...” 

“Jeez, Y/n, how much did you drink?” 

You giggled, playfully sticking out your tongue, “not sure~ a few.. probably..?” you laughed again, winking at him 

“Hey, let’s get you some water, yeah? On second thought.. we gotta get outta here. I’ll carry you to our room.” 

Your eyes shamelessly stared at his lips, not listening to a word he was saying 

“Yoosunngg~~ I want you to fuck meeee” 

Yoosung held the bridge of his nose in between his fingers, “L-let’s just go.” 

Putting your arm over his shoulder, he carried most of your weight. 

“Yoosuuung I want to have your babiess~~” 

Yoosung blushed and looked down, continuing to walk, “You’re way too drunk.” 

“Yoosunggieee I want to know what it feels like to have your d--” 

He quickly shushed you, looking around for other observers

He basically ran to your resort room from there

Taking a long sigh as he finally had got you in the room, he wiped some sweat off his face 

Just when he’d gotten up to get a water bottle for you, he heard retching noises

Before he could stop you, you upchucked all over yourself and some of the cheap resort carpeting 

Groaning in physical and emotional pain, Yoosung muttered a quiet, “why me” 

Before putting his arms under your arm pits and dragging you to the bathroom 

He spent a good 10 minutes just trying to get the stupid shower to turn on because of course at any other place than your own house it’s never easy 

Then, after getting the temperature just right, he forced you to down at least half of the water bottle 

“Are you able to take off your clothes by yourself, Y/n?” 

You giggled back, shaking your head 

“Liar.” 

“Help me take ‘em off pweaseee” 

“No!” 

You started tearing up again, your lip wobbling 

“You know I can’t do that sweetie, you’re drunk.”

“No ‘m not.” 

“Yeah, you are.” 

You looked up at him before sighing and lifting up your shirt, fully exposing half of your naked body to him 

He screamed like a little girl, running and slamming the door behind him 

You pouted, “That’s no fun.” 

After getting out of your clothes, you devised another poorly thought through plan

“Yoosunngggieee I need help washing myselffff” 

“Um.. okay, lemme go see if I can get a hold of someone...”

“I want it to be you. I want it to be you who sees me like this. I want it to be you. Only you.” 

“S-stop..” He said through the door. 

“Please?” 

Sighing, Yoosung knew there was no one who wasn’t drunk or available to help. 

He did what any good guy would do. He proceeded to blind fold himself, opting for reaching his hands out to guess and where things were. 

You laughed, “’Sunggiee you know you’re still gunna be touchin’ me” 

“I’m not going to.”

“You said you’d help me!” 

“Yeah, getting shampoo or something like that!” 

“How ya gunna do that with somethin’ over your eyes?” 

“I didn’t think it through that far.” 

You sighed, conceding and attempting to wash yourself (which ended pretty badly) but, keeping his word, he managed to assist you the best he could without touching you. 

He pitied the hangover you’d have... and the regret. 

 At last carrying you to bed after getting you another drink of water, he began cleaning the putrid stain you’d left on the carpet. 

It was about 5AM when he’d finished, finally crawling into bed. 

He thought about the way it felt last night compared to now

and he blamed himself. 

He was the one that made you get so drunk you essentially passed out 

Looking at you again, he sighed. 

Tugging you close into his arms, he whispered a soft, “I’m sorry.” 

Your subconscious must’ve heard him because you said in your sleep, “’s ok.” 

Jumin 

And suddenly your faces weren’t so far apart. And you couldn’t help but slowly close your eyes. Jumin was confused. He can be a bit of a pea brain, so he of course said, “I’m sure you’re very tired.” He shut off the light, reaching over you. You held back the big frown you’d gotten when you realized he’d rejected you. Unbeknownst to you that it took everything in him, from the moment he’d saw you in the jet cabin, not to scoop you up in his arms and make out with you the whole way there.

You were awoken by birds chirping outside the massive estate window

You made eye contact with an already staring, wide-eyed Jumin 

Upon realizing you’d woken up, he averted his gaze saying, “Breakfast -- soon.” 

You missed the crimson color of his face, instead getting up and stretching (like you didn’t learn your lesson last time)

Then, you made your way over to the fresh coffee that had been delivered to your room minutes before

Adding a shit load of cream and a dash of sugar, you turned to see Jumin staring at you. Again. 

You breathed out a laugh, “What are you looking at?” 

Jumin’s brows knit together for a split second before he again looked away, his soft blush never fading, “It’s hard not to.” 

“Look at wha--” Your eyes grew wide in realization, looking down at the lingerie hardly covering your skin, Jumin’s shirt no where to be seen.  

You screamed, making a poor attempt to cover yourself shouting, “Oh my god I’m so sorry I forgot!!” 

Again, Jumin found his gaze resting on your body, stifling a groan. 

He at last spoke, his deep voice reverberating throughout the room, “You... you’re making this all.. so much more ....difficult.” 

You then grew defensive, “Made what difficult? Ogling at me without staying anything?!” 

His eyes glowered with something you couldn’t quite place. “That’s not what I meant” 

He walked slowly toward you, causing you to take steps backward 

He’d backed you up against the wall, letting out a deep breath through his nose

With glittering eyes, he grabbed your chin with his fingers, forcing you to look up at him instead of the ground 

“You’re doing on purpose, aren’t you?” 

You gulped in anticipation, “D-doing what?” 

Jumin raked his eyes down your body then looked back up at you with a sarcastic expression that said, “really?” 

“N-no! I didn’t have a choice!!” 

“Your clothes would’ve been dry hours ago.. if it really bothered you--”

“Well I was really tired from the jet ride and putting up with you!” 

Jumin looked surprised for a moment before grinning sardonically, “Putting up with me? Do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to control myself when you’re constantly grabbing me, touching me, everything!” 

“I didn’t do all that on purpose!” Okay, maybe that wasn’t entirely true, but you weren’t about to admit that to him when he was being such a dick.

He laughed dryly, “Yeah, okay. All I’m saying is that I don’t find it very funny.” 

“You think that you’re just some big joke to me?!” 

“What other explanation is there?” 

You were practically hysterical in your laughter saying, “You’re unbelievable.” 

“Oh yeah?” he challenged. 

“Yeah,” you glared back at him, your faces inches apart. 

Before Jumin could realize what he was doing, he pulled your hips flush against his own, crashing his lips harshly on yours. 

Letting out moans of both desperation and anger, your eyebrows furrowed as you deepened the kiss, gasping when Jumin slid his tongue so far into your mouth you swore you felt it going down your throat. 

After what felt like hours, you parted for oxygen, both breathing heavily, before going in for another long, simmering kiss

You felt Jumin smirk against your mouth causing you to lightly smack his chest, hating that he knew he’d gotten a rise out of you. 

He grabbed your wrist against his chest, slowly guiding it to his first button of his night shirt. 

You made quick work of removing all the fastenings, nodding and obeying him when he commanded, “Jump”

Your legs tied round his waist, you continued to make out, pulling at the waistband of his pants. 

Jumin moaned into your mouth before parting to say, “You will be the death of me, little spitfire.” 

Let’s just say the whole fiance thing might not be a lie anymore. 

Zen 

Zen wanted to say something smooth like “I’ve always wanted to do that.” But instead he said “I’ve always wanted to do you.” He mentally smacked his head, blaming the lack of oxygen for his stupidity. But you smirked up at him coyly, replying, “Then why don’t you?” Um, yeah, rip your hotel neighbor he will literally hate both of you so much.

You awoke you Zen rubbing his thumb on your arm, basking in the morning light 

He groggily said, “’mornin’ babe.” 

“I’m ‘babe’ now?”

“What else am I supposed to call my beautiful girlfriend?” 

You leaned up and kissed him softly, smiling. 

“I love you, Zen. So much.” 

“I love you, too, Y/n. If you didn’t already get that from when we...” 

You laughed shyly, “yeah..” 

“I know I skipped a few steps, but I have never been happier and more sure of anything in my life.” 

You looked up at him, peacefully grinning. 

“Hey, let’s get married.” 

Zen choked on his spit, “R-right now?!” 

You giggled, “Not right now, but soon. I dunno, we’ve been friends for, like, forever. Now that we know we like each other it seems like the next step.” 

Zen looked at you, searching your face to determine whether you were serious or not. 

Detecting that you weren’t joking he laughed airily saying, “Sure. Whatever you want princess.” 

He kissed the top of your head, whispering, “You’re so beautiful, ya know that?” 

Sighing comfortably, you nodded, falling back into sleep. 

“H-hey! Wake up!!” Zen shouted, giving up and just cuddling up to you instead, stroking your hair gently. 

The concert wasn’t until late that night -- he had time to spare. 

....Even if he didn’t, he’d make time for you.  - 3 months later

In classic Zen and Y/n style, you’d eloped shortly after the tour ended. 

“Hey, Y/n? Have you seen my grey t-shirt?” 

You looked up from your laptop, “Mhm, it’s in the dryer.” 

He sighed, “Thanks babe”, before making his way down to the mudroom where your laundry was kept 

He sifted through the hot laundry in the dryer, not seeing his shirt anywhere, when he hard a crash. 

“Y/N?!” 

He rushed out to the living room, glancing from the smashed coffee mug on the ground, to you. 

“Y/N?! Are you okay?!!!” 

You clutched your stomach in anguish, beads of sweat forming at your brow, “Y-yeah.. my stomach hurts so bad ‘s all.”

Zen was having NONE of that

He rushed you to the Emergency Room, holding your hand the entire time. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Princess, I promise.” You nodded, before losing consciousness - 

you awoke to a depressing hospital room, meeting Zen’s worried eyes. 

“How long was I out..?” 

“For a few minutes.” 

You sighed in relief, feeling a lot better than you were when you were rushed to the ER. 

All of a sudden, a doctor entered the room looking stern. 

“I wanted to discuss the diagnosis with the two of you when you were both physically present.” 

You blanched, looking at Zen with fear etched in your eyes. 

Zen held your hand tighter, before saying, “What’s the problem?” 

The doctor looked in between the two of you before letting out a little laugh, “There’s nothing wrong, actually.” 

You both looked confused, Zen proudly saying, “Then why’d you look all doom and gloom when you came in here?!” 

The doctor roared with laughter saying, “Eh, I get a kick out of the faces you guys make. Ah, now to the diagnosis.” 

“There’s still a diagnosis?!” 

You shushed Zen, nodding at the doctor. 

He took a breath before saying, “Miss Y/N Hyeon, you’re pregnant.” 

Both your eyes grew wide, mouths slacked

“O-oh, oh my gosh!!” 

Zen enveloped you in a big hug, congratulating you (and also hiding his tears) 

This man could not hold back the proud grin he sported for MONTHS

-

I simp for this prompt so if someone asked, it’s not like I could say no to writing it for more characters.......right? lol Also, I came to a realization that I made that a fanfic rather than a headcanon.. so oh well, right? 

[theworldsoul]

Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???

[mingyaus]

most h8td

pairing lucas x reader

summary Sincerity. Honesty. When is it too much? You contemplate whether you’ve crossed a line with your soft mans bf lucass. 

genre fluff and only real angst if u think abt it too much

word count 1.2k

“Wait why do you always talk so trash about him?”

“Him? Your boyfriend? Wait, I mean your ex-boyfriend? I told you it would never last.”

“Shut up. At least I was the one who stopped it.” Jihyo rolls her eyes and glares at you for bringing up the topic of her latest failed relationship. “But back to what I was saying! Your boyfriend. I don’t even know if I should call him your boyfriend though with all the bad things you say about him. Do you like him at all?”

“Lucas?” You raise an eyebrow.

“Who else are you dating? I swear to God, you don’t deserve this boy. If you knew all the hard work he puts into everything he does for you. You know that surprise party for your birthday? Yeah, he called me up multiple times trying to get all the details right. Once he did it during his like dumb two minute lunch break, like what type of boss gives a 2 minute lunch break? But he puts so much effort into your relationship and you just talk trash about him all the time!” She’s rambling, talking fast. It’s like she’s using your relationship to cope with the loss of hers. But you don’t blame her for being concerned. You really do trash talk Lucas at any opportunity you get, though she doesn’t know how you’re like when it’s just you and Lucas (which actually ends up with you two trash talking her ex or trash talking your exes).

“He talks bad about me too!” You try to think of a time, but huff. “Wait, nevermind. He’s too sweet.”

“Yeah, see. Treat him better before he leaves you.”

And that warning Jihyo gave stayed in your head for like two weeks when you finally decided to do something about the guilt that was building up in your stomach. That guilt ended up manifesting itself into cramps during the first day of your period. This day also happened to be one of the few days both you and Lucas were able to pull time out of your busy schedules to hang out together. Though your aching stomach and his deadline induced headache forced you two to stay cooped up in Mark’s (who last minute had to fly out to Vancouver for something he didn’t have enough time to explain to you, but he did have enough time to give you his keys and ask you to house/catsit) apartment.

“I’m sorry we have to stay here. Your place is nicer.”

“I know, it’s really nice.” He’s not being modest, but he deserves to brag because with all his hard work and networking skills he was able to be the first among your friends to get his own place. No roommates, no loans. He smiles taking a seat on the loveseat facing the coffee table with Mark’s 15-inch laptop serving as a TV screen. “At least, he stayed logged into his Netflix account for us.”

“I don’t think that was for us, but I don’t mind messing with Mark’s queue for our entertainment purposes.” You plop down sitting close to Lucas as he leans forward to create a guest account.

“I’m not that mean. That’s why I’m making this separate account.” He grins back at you as he searches for something to watch. You don’t argue like you usually would. It’s that guilt kicking in. And that guilt stops you from making a comment when Lucas finally chooses something, leans back, and starts grabbing your thigh in that freaky strangely non-sexual way he does with everyone.

The next time you say something aside from “Bathroom break!” is when your one of your legs has fallen asleep, and it’s all tangled up around his body because you two get so wrapped up when cuddling. On the tip of your tongue is “Get up, loser, I need to stretch my legs.” But you’re not going to say that because the guilt Jihyo planted in you, so instead you make up this other dumb excuse.

“Hey, can you just stand up, and can I just hug you?” You ask in the nicest tone you can conjure up right now. He shuffles trying to look into your face, and now some part of his body is rubbing against your dead leg and just making everything worse than it should be.

“Uh, but we’re laying down so comfortably.”

“But you’re just so tall and nice to hug.”

“Yeah, but I feel so comfortable with you like this.” Somehow, he gets his long arms around your torso and squeezes you tight.

“But I need a hug.”

“I’m hugging you right now.”

“It’s not the same.” You pout, and simultaneously try to shake your leg, but you can’t. “Please, just stand up.”

You two go back and forth whining at each other like this for a few more minutes until something that Jihyo would probably scold you for slips out of your mouth.

“You should just stand up and hug me because that’s what good boyfriends do.” You curse. You’ve broken this unsaid promise you made to yourself to be nice to Lucas for at least one night. He’s still looking at you and can clearly see your true frustrated expression.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” He looks concerned, those sweet puppy eyes looking into yours.

“I—no.” You sigh, looking down avoiding his prodding gaze.

“What’s wrong?” And you explain to him the whole conversation about how verbally abusive you can be, and how the guilt has been affecting you, and how you’re starting to think you don’t deserve Lucas. He’s laughing a little by the time you're done explaining everything. “I’m not that good of a boyfriend.”

“Eh, I mean you are. You write me daily notes and when you can’t give me them physically you hoard them until you can fill an envelope to the max with them and mail them to me. Like who does that? Like who wants to pay for stamps?”

“Okayyy. I guess I am a good boyfriend.” You finally have the courage to look at him again and see his face smiling and bright as ever, obviously still overjoyed about the praise.

“Don’t let that get to your head.” You snap, but kiss him on the cheek showing the praise still stands.

“Okay, see.” He raises his eyebrows at you and pulls away so you can see. “You know your limits. You aren’t abusive, you’re just honest. I know you love me.”

You smile, and spend like a few minutes kissing him before feeling some tingling in your leg reminding you it’s asleep. “Wait, okay, I actually need to get up. My leg fell asleep, though I would still appreciate that hug.”

He shakes his head.

“But, Lucas! You’re supposed to be a good boyfriend.” You whine.

“I am, you just told me. Don’t tell me you were lying!” Lucas is mocking shock.

“You’re great, but I love your hugs.” He pulls you into a sitting hug, and you pull away, though no one can escape his long arms. “Your standing hugs.”

He pouts, looking at you sadly. Then he lets out a yawn, his breath hitting your face. As you’re cringing he gets up and you hear the bathroom door close. You get up, upset that he would get up without giving you that hug you’re now craving for real.

“Lucas! What the heck?”

“I guess I’m just a bad boyfriend.” You can hear the smirk in his mouth from his muffled voice behind the bathroom door.

author’s note yeah, it’s kinda named after that jay park song, but i’ve never read its lyrics so idk if it has anything to do w it *shrug* :)

masterlist

[beepbeeprichiellc]

31. With Reddie

31. “Are you jealous?”

It was hot, way to fucking hot to be anywhere but inside and yet here they were, seven friends lounging at a public pool with the rest of the town of Derry. Eddie had protested against it vigorously, listing off the endless bacteria that cultures in public pools, that’s not including the ones that come for the feces and urine that originated from the children. In the end, he had been vetoed-like usual-and brushed off. He refused to get into the water, and did nothing but apply sunscreen to himself and the others. Seething hatred and annoyance wasn’t what he had planned on doing today but then again he also didn’t plan on burning like bacon on top of an oven.

“Don’t you think you are being a little over dramatic?” Beverly asked from her spot beside him, dressed in a two piece bikini while the sun cooked her back. She called it tanning, he called it skin cancer. “I mean it’s just a pool for god sake.”

Eddie snorted, turning his nose up in disgust. “I do not, thank you very much! When everyone gets a infection I’ll be there to shove it into their face.”

“Whatever.” She muttered, rolling over onto her back and leaning upward onto her elbows. “Wallow in your self righteousness than. I like the company anyways.”

“You know Ben would be more than happy to keep you company.” Eddie pointed out, smugly smiling down to his friend. “I can move if you want-”

“EDS!” A loud voice called from across the poole, grabbing his attention. There, standing on the edge of the high dive waving his hands like a huge dork. “EDS! WATCH ME!” People were staring, glancing between the two boys with curious eyes. Eddie could feel his face fluster from all of the attention. “WATCH ME THIS!”

“Right, please tease me while Richie is over there begging for your attention.” Beverly mused, laughing at the irony. “Do you want me to move?”

Eddie tried his best to ignore here, all the while watching the trashmouth jump from the edge, attempting to do a flip and ending up belly flopping. The sound was horrendous but the smile that Richie wore afterwards was worth the embarrassment that it earned him. Maybe he did have a small thing for his best friend, what was the harm in that?

The sun was lowering and people were heading out, the scorching sun finally saying goodbye to another summer day and closing the waste of the day. Most of the Losers were gathering their things, talking among themselves about the “fun” day they had. Eddie was already ready two hours ago, having felt left out once Beverly decided to jump into the chilly water. “Hey,” Mike muttered, looking around from friend to friend. “Where’s Richie?”

Eddie’s head immediately shot up, looking around the pool for their missing friend. He found him, across the way, leaning against the chain link fence with a tall blonde lifeguard. They were standing close, too close if you asked Eddie, smiles curling at the corner of their lips. There was a sudden ache in Eddie’s chest, watching as they spoke quietly and leaned into one another while he stood like an idiot with the others. There was a laugh among the group, and Stan’s sharp voice stating, “Look at that, only trashmouth could get into the lifeguards pants.”

Swallowing, Eddie dropped his gaze, biting his lip and shaking his head. Beverly was beside him, sliding her hand atop of his shoulder in a gesture of kindness but it burned him, like so many other times this exact thing had happened. He brushed her off, grabbing his bag and walking away from his friends in a huff. Someone called after him, but it was lost along the way.

Cursing he jumped into the cab of Bill’s truck, the gnawing in his gut making him want to vomit on the dash. When the others finally walked out Richie took one look at him sitting in the car and beelined to him. Eddie kept his face forward, not even looking over to his friend that pressed his body against the door. “Hey Eddie Spaghetti, you are in the wrong car. You rode with me remember?”

“Bill’s going to take me home.” He snapped back, nodding to their leader who didn’t even argue as he shoved his key into the engine. “Don’t worry about it.”

“What?” Richie asked, half chuckling. “But I always take you home.” Eddie only shrugged, slightly adjusting his body so that his back was turned. “Haha, very funny. Come on, I’ll stop at that ice cream place you like so much.” He tried to open to door, pulling on the handle but failing due to the lock. “Eddie?” He asked softly, looking up him with magnified eyes. “Are you mad at me or something?”

“Drive.” Eddie grumbled over to Bill, not bothering to answer the trashmouth. Bill tilted his head, wavering for a moment. “Come on, if I’m late my Mom won’t let me go to the Aladin tomorrow.”

“Sorry Rich.” Bill muttered, putting the gear into reverse and pulling from the curb, shooting the trashmouth a sympathetic look. Richie stood there as they drove away, shoulders slumped and and sadden eyes. It took all Eddie had not to tell Bill to stop so that he could give in, wanting nothing more than to console his best friend.

But they drove on, leaving the pool behind in their dust. It was silent, other than a soft tune coming from the radio. Eddie knew he could speak at any moment and Bill would engage but he didn’t want to, not right now. That was the best thing about their leader, he knew when to stay quiet and when to speak. Derry flew by, and soon they were in the middle of town right by the ice cream shop that Richie had mentioned. Eddie felt a pull in his chest, a want that he tried to ignore.

They rolled to a stop light, and Bill shifted his weight. “Hey Eds?”

“Yeah?”

"Are you jealous?”

Eddie glared over to his friend, “Jealous? Of you and Audra? Why would I be, I think she is great! A real good fit or you, and she obviously likes you too.”

“No.” Bill shook his head, “Are you jealous of Richie?”

This nearly made the short boy choke, his face reddening. “Why because he got that girl to talk to him? I didn’t even think she was attractive, so not my type and-”

“Are you jealous because Richie was talking to her.” Bill corrected, giving Eddie a knowing look. “I know you don’t like girls, we’ve been friends for thirteen years. I know you aren’t out, and that’s fine, but I know you’re gay.”

Eddie deflated entirely, melting into the cheap cloth. Maybe he wasn’t as subtle as he had thought, He felt so vulnerable, sitting there bare and exposed for all to see. Rubbing the bridge of his nose he had to ask, “Do the others-”

“No.” Bill finished, shaking his head. “They don’t know. Well, I think Beverly does but that’s it.” Eddie wanted to cry, and his friend must have picked up on this because he added, “We don’t care Eddie. If you’re happy, we happy. We love you no matter who you love.”

“You don’t know that.” Eddie whispered.

“I know Richie likes you, as in likes you more than a friend.” Bill answered softly, pressing the gas as the light turned green. Eddie snorted, “Everyone sees the way he looks at you, the way he goes out of his way to make you happy. He likes you too Eddie, it’s so obvious.”

“If it’s so obvious then why did he nearly shove his tongue down that girls throat?” He shot back, growling under his breath. “This conversation is pointless, he doesn’t care about me or like me or whatever. He’s only after one thing and I don’t have that one thing.”

“Eddie, that isn’t-”

“Whatever.” He cut harshly, looking back out the window as they pulled into his neighborhood. “I don’t care.” But they both knew he did, oh god did he care.

Bill pulled into his driveway, parking it. Without another word Eddie grabbed his things and opened to door, hopping down onto the pavement. Before shutting the door Bill called out to him one last time. “Give him a break okay? Richie is smart but he can be real dumb sometimes. He doesn’t know how to act around you, and can forget his feelings unlike you but he does like you and he does care. I’d bet my life on it.”

Eddie bit his lip and shut the door, muttering a quick thank you. The walk up to his door was agonizing, Bill’s truck squeaking loudly along the way. With a deep breath he went inside, cringing as his mother called him over to her, fawning over the slight redness to his skin.

Maybe Bill was right, maybe he was being too harsh.

Weather the rest was right or not, weather Richie really did like him, he didn’t know. Things were complicated between them and they were probably always going to be this way. It was the painful truth, so painful that he pushed it as far back as he could for the rest of the afternoon and when the familiar knock came at his window he didn’t even give it a second thought.

Richie tumbled in awkwardly, falling onto the floor with a thud. He looked up with a broken smile, his eyes sorrowful and so welcoming that Eddie could drown in the deep blue pools. With an eye roll, Eddie walked away from the mess and sat on his bed, waiting for the ramble to start.

And start it did because when Richie was nervous he did what he did best, talk. “Hey, yeah…hi. Thanks for letting me in, it’s still hot outside can you believe it? Fucking summer man, it sucks ass…well better than being in school…man are can you believe we are going to be seniors this year? Well I guess you can because you are…..well smart and I’m….awkward so yeah senior year! You excited? I am….kinda scared but excited and-”

“Beep beep Richie..” Eddie said, rubbing his temples and laughing.

Richie’s eyes sparkled, “Yeah, beep beep me.” Slowly and gently he sat down beside his friend, leaving a small space between them. It was silent for a moment and then, “Are we okay?” The trashmouth whispered, so softly that it was almost nonexistent.

Eddie wanted to say so many things, to pour his heart out onto his bedroom floor and throw himself at his best friend but he didn’t. Couldn’t. Not now. Not when their entire relationship was on the line. He could lose so many things, but Richie it seemed, was not one of them. So he answered honestly, nudging Richie’s shoulder in the friendlies way possible, giving nothing up.

“Yeah, we are okay.”

[feelssogoodinmyarms]

Opinions Needed!!!

Hey guys!! So I’m working on a new fic and I need help. There’s a song called “Son of a Preacher Man” and it was originally sung by Dusty Springfield. A few years ago Tom Goss redid it and donated the proceeds to an LGBT organization. So I’ve become obsessed with the music video (that you can find here) and it really reminded me of Melchior and Moritz. So I started thinking and I kind of hashed out an AU where Melchior is the son of the preacher (even though he hates it and gets into fights with his dad all the time) and some stuff happens. I wrote the first chapter and I don’t really know where to go with it but I wanted some feedback if you’re interested. I haven’t made it exclusively obc or dwsa. It’s set in modern au right now but I can change that. I also wanted to make a prequel eventually with Wendla? I hate her and Melchior together but I think it could be interesting. But right now I’m just focusing on this piece. So please give me your thoughts!! You can message me or leave comments or repost? Idk, just tel me what you think because nobody I know irl is interested in my writing hahaha

Words: 1624

TW: Like two curses I think? Moritz is a little suicidal, Ilse has an abusive home life, internalized homophobia

Moritz Stiefel groaned and rolled out of bed. He hadn’t slept all night. For once, it wasn't because of his “special dreams”. There was homework he had to do, his father was angry at him, the whole weight of the world seemed to rest on his shoulders. He had felt that way most of his life, no matter how much he was told it wasn't true. Moritz was a wreck more often than not. More recently he had started to wonder what the point was. Why did he keep getting up and going to school just to fail at everything? He couldn't do anything right, he heard that a lot from his father and teachers enough. He told it to himself often enough, he didn't need to hear it from them. Thank god for Ilse, she was the only person who emed to care. Ilse was the only person who could convince him he was worth it. For all the shit she had gone through, it was crazy that she stayed so positive. She had to be some kind of angel. He only wished he could do more to help her. Moritz would probably have killed himself by now if it weren't for Ilse.

Today, he had to go to another one of his least-favorite places: church. The older he got the less church made sense. It was just another place that told him how much of a failure he was. He prayed every night, he hoped that life would get better, but it seemed God wasn’t there. It was ridiculous, his dad would probably crucify him if he found out. Church just seemed like another chore.

Moritz looked in the bathroom mirror. He had dark circles under his eyes and his hair was sticking out at ten different angles. Not much different from his normal demeanor.

“Son!!” Moritz heard his father yell from downstairs.

“Yes?” Moritz answered in a groggy voice

“We’re leaving in 10 minutes!! Look decent!!”

“Yes sir” Moritz responded monotonously.

Moritz’s dad was his least favorite person. Moritz couldn’t help but chuckle every time he thought that. How pathetic was it, to have your own father be the person you hate most? Well Ilse must hate her father after all he did to her, but that was different. Mr. Stiefel was just cruel and reasonable. Moritz always seemed to let his father down no matter how hard he tried. After awhile it was just ridiculous to keep trying. Moritz just tried to steer clear of his dad, the less contact hey had the better.

Moritz checked his phone. Two texts from Ilse and one from Ernst.  

Forest Nymph: it’s a nice morning

Forest Nymph: suns really bright wtf

That was Ilse’s way of checking in with him. If she needed to come stay with him because things got out of hand at home she would just climb in through his window. He kept it unlocked for her. With texts like these she was possibly high or just excited about the day.

Fuzzy Boi: yeah it is

Fuzzy Boi: do you want to meet up later?

The text from Ernst was something different. He and Ernst weren’t really friends, more like acquaintances. Not that Ernst wasn’t nice and all, he just had friends and Moritz had virtually none.

Ernst Robel: Good morning Moritz! What are you doing after church today?

Did Ernst Robel really want to hang out with him, Moritz Stiefel? Moritz was just such a loser in his mind, and Ernst was far cooler. No one at school wanted anything to do with Moritz. He really didn’t blame them, but this was strange. Moritz decided to respond.

Moritz Stiefel: Good morning Ernst. I have some homework to finish but that’s it. Why do you ask?

“Son, five minutes!!” Mr. Stiefel yelled form downstairs.

Shit!! Moritz thought as he hastily threw some clothes on.

Moritz sat in the pews with his parents as he waited for the sermon to start. He wished Ilse still came to church, it would be much more fun with her. Moritz willed himself not to doze off. It hadn’t even started and he was already slipping. Someone walked in that perked him up immediately.

“Welcome to God’s house” The preacher said once he had reached the podium.

“Amen” everyone responded. This was the new preacher, he came in the spring. There was a new preacher this year, as Farther [insert german name] had retired last year. The new preacher invited his wife and son to stand with him at the podium.

“My name is Father Gabor, this is my wife and son. We are very honored to be teaching you of God for the next few months”

Father Gabor continues to go on but Moritz wasn’t listening. He was staring at Father Gabor’s son. He looked like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world but here. In fact, he looked so annoyed that he might burst into flames any second. He continually shot his father dirty looks, especially at mentions of god. Moritz wondered why the boy was so angry. Sure, church was boring but it was nothing to get so upset about.

It seemed the anger on his features only made him more handsome. Father Gabor’s son was very handsome, like he was out of a painting or something. Even though he was angry, there was the hint of a smirk on his pink lips. It made Moritz’s heart beat faster than it ever had in church.

After church Moritz found himself walking with Ernst Robel. The two boys were walking back to the Robel house, talking of school and friends and other ordinary things. Moritz tried to focus on what Ernst was saying but he found his mind wandering back to the handsome preacher’s son.

Moritz wished he had gotten to speak to him after the service. The Gabors were talking to various adults and introducing themselves. Father Gabor’s son shook hands with everyone but did not smile. It made him all the more mysterious.

“Moritz? Moritz are you alright?” Ernst asked.

Shit, I zoned out

“Uhm, yeah I’m fine. I was just thinking”

“Was it about the preacher’s son?”

Moritz began coughing.

“H-How did you know?” Moritz asked in disbelief. Ernst giggled.

“I saw you looking at him during the service. He’s pretty cute, I don’t blame you” Moritz felt a blush creep up his neck.

“Why did you want to see me anyway?” Moritz asked.

“A few reasons. Firstly, I noticed you sitting alone at lunch”

Moritz couldn’t help but scoff.

“What?”

“Oh it’s just I’ve been sitting alone ever since I moved here last year. I don’t know why you care all of the sudden”

Ernst looked heart broken. Moritz almost felt bad for him.

“I, uh, guess I didn’t realize until now. How lonely you are I mean” Ernst stared at his shoes as they walked.

“Um, why else?” Moritz asked, desperate to change the subject.

“I was wondering if you’d like to have lunch with me sometime. You don’t have to, it’s just an offer”

“Sure” Moritz responded. This made no sense but if Ernst wanted to be friends, why not?

“Great!! This is my house, I know you had homework to do”

“Right, homework. I guess I’ll see you?”

“Yeah, see you!” Ernst hugged Moritz quickly before running into his house.

Moritz broke into a sprint as he left the town behind. He let his jacket fall off behind him as he entered the forest. He was going to Ilse and his place in the forest to meet. Since the boys and girls went to different schools he only saw her on the weekends. Going to the forest with her was a total escape from everything. Not a total escape, but still an escape, Moritz kept running until he got to the clearing with the stream and the tall tree where he and Ilse always talked.

There she was, right on queue. She was sitting in their tree, staring off in the distance like a forest nymph.

“Ilse!!” He called up. She looked down and smiled when she saw him. She swung down to greet him with a hug. When she pulled away he saw her eyes were puffy.

“Hey, were you crying?” he asked.

“I had a rough morning” she said, trying her best to be chipper.

“What happened?”

“I woke up at four am to screaming coming from downstairs. I just ran and ended up sleeping here”

“In the forest? Why didn’t you come to my place?”

“I didn’t want to wake you up”

“I was up all night, I didn’t sleep. You should have come. You worry me with that shit”

“Next time. Sorry”

“Nah, don’t be”

The two say at the edge of the river and talked.

“So there was a new preacher to church today” Moritz started. 

“Yeah? Is he hot?”

“No but his son is” Moritz blurted out and immediately regretted it. Ilse started laughing. 

“Really? What’s his name?”

“I don’t know” Moritz felt the blush coming back. 

“I ship it!! You should ask him out!!” Ilse squealed. 

“I can’t do that!” Moritz hid his face in his hands. 

“Aww you love him!!”

“Ilse!!” Ilse giggled again.

“It’s cute. I thank you guys would be cute together” 

“I’d just… hate to see how my dad would react” Moritz said with dread. 

“To the fact that you like boys?” Moritz cringed.

“Yeah”

“Who gives a rat’s ass? If he’s not gonna be supportive then screw him. You deserve better”Moritz smiled. 

“Thanks Ilse”

“Don’t mention it”

“You wanna grab lunch?”

“I don’t have any money”

“Pshh, I’m paying” Ilse grinned at that. 

“If you insist” Ilse said as the two walked out of the forest.