#I say ‘something’ because with the amount of whiplash I get each chapter I’m guessing it switches between hot chocolate tea coffee & vodka

[valley-of-the-lily]

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🐛🐛🐛🏨

hello! i finally got around to making art for chapter ten.

i’m in the process of editing chapter twelve, so that will be out soon. for now, i hope you like this art.

chapter one | prior chapter | next chapter

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

Witcher of the Night (Chapter 16.1)

THIS IS MODERN ERA READER WHO WOKE UP IN THE DIMENSION OF THE WITCHER.

UPDATES FOR WITCHER OF THE NIGHT WILL BE PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY NOW IN MY TIME (GMT +8) (GUESS WHAT? IT AIN’T SATURDAY TODAY! LMAO)

CHAPTER 16

WITCHER OF THE NIGHT MASTERLIST

Characters: Geralt of Rivia x small!Naive!Reader

Summary: The best part has finally come to an end, life aren’t all smiles and rainbows. Now, here comes the negativity that will surely eat you whole with the life you have with the witcher. 

Warnings: Fluff! Kinda’ Dad! Geralt? Slight. Cirilla being such a sweetheart? Jaskier being Jaskier. Mention of blood. Insecure and overthinking reader. Mention of Yennefer and Renfri. 

Words: 8k+

A/N: This should’ve been posted last saturday. But, life happened so here it is. I should’ve been taking a break but I think I’ll have my break next saturday instead. Think of this as if I just gotten late to post this chapter for you, bb’s! Though, there will be no update on June 27 instead! 

TAGLIST IS STILL OPEN FOR THIS ONE! Heehee! Don’t forget to REBLOG, COMMENT OR GIVE FEEDBACK IF YOU DID LOVE THIS CHAPTER! IT’LL MAKE ME SMILE! Sorry for the grammatical errors and such because English isn’t my mother tongue!

Disclaimer: PNG’s and pictures used in edits are not mine even the GIF’s too. However, the edits and oneshots are definitely from moi.

MY WORKS ARE NOT NOT NOT NOT NOOOOOOT TO BE POSTED ON ANY OTHER WEBSITES. My official username in Wattpad is “TATATHEPOTATO” and that’s the only other site I have for writing aside from Tumblr. Thank you, Tater tots!

THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW. It was the day where Geralt was back on his wild hunt. He'd procrastinated more than he can ever plead for; taking him days with his family was better than having none as the lone witcher would leave with nothing but his horse and sword like the good ol' days.

Other times, he'd have Jaskier in his trips when the bard was too restless to stay and guard Cirilla---it has been two years for doing so---and he would complain about how tedious Geralt would tell his stories about slaughtering such a specific beast. The toubadour wanted to experience and see everything happen before his eyes regardless of his fear for such. 

Which leaves Cuthbert and his family for taking care of the princess. Besides, Geralt thought it would be better that people wouldn't see Cirilla living in their home from time to time, as it can also complicate how she would be found because she didn't need to be.

But, with you around; there has to be somebody that was needed to guard and take care of his child of surprise; leading the preferable options down to you because you knew how a girl works and how their mind moves rather than with Jaskier who always welcomes him home with arguments about nonsense things together with his child of surprise. Complaining how she'd intentionally stomped on his foot because of how she was confined in their home all the darn times till how his cooking was abnormally awful rather than Geralt's.

No matter how uneasy Geralt was with leaving everyone alone, he needed to sacrifice the worries away for his family and choose the safety for the people. Even if it would take him days to bask in his solitude with Roach whom he would have as his silent companion.

The witcher was getting ready for his hunt today. He was checking on stuffs that were utterly important not to forget. Elixirs. Herbs. Equipment. Weapons. Geralt continued to place his things inside his bag before a soft piece of parchment has brushed off his fingertips, making him stop from rummaging inside his bag to snatch it out.

It was the drawing he retrieved from the gallants he'd fought. The broken sketch of you and him together, taken from being scoured by the royal guards because he was needed for a favor that could help the kingdom and its heir.

Fucking people who kept on needing him all the damn time. He silently spewed blasphemy over and over inside his head for making his life more complex than it ever was with Destiny laughing on his side.

Especially that he was finally accepting what it brings to him. You.

He'd taken one last look on the paper before tucking it inside his bag; in a safe place where it wouldn't be destroyed before he'd heard familiar stealthy footsteps padding closer to where he stood beside his horse.

"Geralt,"

Jaskier has taken what the witcher has fetched him to, showing the contents of what laid on his palms before his brooding friend has taken it with a begrudging look that says he woke up on the bad side of the bed today.

Though, the bard was sure he did because of the perception that he needed to leave you alone in his chambers.

Geralt has given him a sharp look which has taken aback Jaskier who seemed to be surprised in such the break of dawn, ceasing his yawn when he'd received such surprising antagonism. He saw the blank stare he'd given him, thoroughly stupefied from whatever sauciness he was trying to give.

Jaskier could even notice how he was more quiet and grumpier than usual first thing in the morning. An unusual state of the witcher when you came along because he was finally talking more after getting some sleep.

"What’s going on, Geralt? Did something happened? I thought friends trust each other! You know you can trust me on this---anything! Is Roach dying? do you need another horse?"

The monster-slayer raised a sassy brow at his friend, looking away as he went on to obtain the items that laid on Jaskier's hands. His hands abnormally heavy as their hands grazed each other; letting the bard know that there was something more to it other than the idea that you would be away from him.

"Should I ask you the same thing?" he deeply grumbled, sounding like a snarl that has caught Jaskier off guard.

His talkative friend appeared to be wounded from his silent grudges that he held out for him. Jaskier couldn't help but scrunch his face in utmost perplexity, feeling aggravated for what attitude Geralt has been giving him when all he had been doing was help him in such a crazy, early hour of the morning.

He won't be taking his attitude when he was still heavy-eyed from trying to get his sleep last night. Reasons why he couldn't was because his room was beside yours and the insatiable witcher. Technically, his suggestions that have been approved sometimes hit him in the head like a boomerang; he didn't think it through that his advice can bring him results where he would suffer.

Geralt and his shitty, overly developed libido.

"But, I don’t have a horse! Why are you---Oh! Ohohoho. You were being sarcastic! I know you---know the differences of those monotones of your verbose timbres. Everybody should applaud me for it," Jaskier scornfully laughed, annoyed by how the witcher has been acting. He held onto his hips, shoulders rolled as his head fell back while he sarcastically laughed, feeling the swift breeze of the morning fog giving him a whiplash as Geralt walked pass him to fix Roach's reigns. The toubadour has turned on his heels to see the subtle swerving of topic by staying silent and minding his own business.

"---I'm utterly not in the mood for your grouchy attitude, Witcher! You sound like you are accusing me of something I shouldn’t have done!"

Roach gave a nicker as she heard two friends share their squabbles; being immature over not sharing what one has a problem over the other.

"You sound guilt-ridden." Geralt bluntly stated, ignoring the bard who has sauntered in front of him with an offended face. His friend seem to be lost at words from where ever his hostility is coming from. 

Jaskier tried thinking it through, cocking his head to the side as he stood before the brooding witcher. He hadn't been too intrusive the past few days nor did he try and get his patience boiling. In all honesty, the bard has set a good amount of space around Geralt when you came in their lives. Reaching to the point that Geralt spends his time with you and Cirilla a lot more than him.

Though, there were the times where Jaskier gets to spend more time with you than Geralt when he was being the complicated mutant he is, sharing banters with you that ends up in a wrestling match because of how he kept on spitting jests that rattles the kindness you ought to have.

The witcher knew Jaskier blushed when he’d accidentally tackled you to the ground from choking him with all your might as you used your arms. The bard’s weight bringing you down when he tried battling with your physical blitz of ripostes. Geralt couldn’t help but purse his lips at that as he watched you wrestle with his annoying bard who had a palpitating heart from being flustered over you. 

Jaskier likes you and he was sure about that.

"W-What---Oh! what a fuckin’ crass you are! What do you even mean?!" he bellowed and stammered, sounding and looking utterly lost. Pretty ocean blue eyes demanding for answers over what grudges he was holding; dramatically raising a hand for thespian gestures.

"Does she look like Booker? No. I suppose not. The cavalier you were fond with was horrible," Geralt sounded too straightforward, never known to sprinkle his words with flowery vernacular that would consider him kind and nice. He gave out a loud, audible sigh; giving him a nonplussed look.

No matter how rude he sounded, his eyes had a look of defiance and understanding. The witcher wasn't mad at the fact that Jaskier has taken a liking towards his midget. No. Geralt knew better than to be enraged over feelings he couldn't control; much so to himself despite of hating the strong feelings he was having over you.

Besides that, Jaskier was his friend. He respected you and Geralt because he knew what was coming forth between the both of you. Like a masochist, even to the point of helping you and the white wolf build the relationship that was bound to happen sooner or later.

Julian Alfred Pankratz just knew you were both endgame from the moment Geralt of Rivia have saved you from those scoundrels. What stated his facts correct was the subtle glimpses that the witcher has been giving you whenever you were around or near their presence; staring when you least expect him to and caring when you needed to be fostered.

Your existence had Geralt thoroughly interested for what and who you were and his friend could visibly see that.

Hence, right at this moment; it was his time to look obvious towards the ivory haired witcher over his one-sided attraction he had for you.

"I should've known, Jaskier. Your gestures aren't exactly subtle."

Geralt shook his head when he lately realized that, clasping a hand over Jaskier's shoulder to give a firm pat; respecting whatever he felt for you. If he wanted to continue those unrequited feelings, it was fine. But, the gesture from him was a silent discussion that he won't be backing down nor stepping away to give the him the opportunity to become what Geralt is already to you.

"I beg your pardon---? Shouldn't you be attacking me with your little tricks already?---I mean, right! Yeah." Jaskier started and stammered at the same time, but was cut off by a terse statement.

"Never leave her side as much as I would."

Geralt gave another light pat to his shoulder before he walked around him, treading over the front door to retrieve two flasks of water and your special Ale that he somehow needed to bring because it reminded of you. The bard trailed behind him, following his footsteps till he was hunched over to get them.

"Geralt, if I may ask---but I hope you wouldn't punch me in the gut after this. The Djinn, obviously was a snake in the lake. What will happen to her now?"

Jaskier just couldn't help but shut his mouth now, does he? he thought at the back of his mind, silently cursing for even bringing it up for him to remember.

The witcher stood up with a long drag of his breath; sounding surfeited by how his mind worked. He was in deep ponder over knowing that his friend had taken the hots for you too, yet he appeared to sound like he was pushing you away soon that he knew Geralt was thoroughly enamored.

"Now, you want her to go." he deadpanned, nettled by what he was suggesting. His eyebrows tightly crossed together from how cretinous it sounded, "---I've been told by a daft of a bard to keep the rat when I was finding a shitty Djinn,"

Geralt couldn't accept what he was hearing. He didn't need to hear this question especially when he was leaving for a hunt. The latter was finally trying to accept what destiny holds out for him, testing what would happen with you around; thinking if it was even a smart decision for him to not challenge fate for the second time around.

It was probably for the better before any sacrifices can happen. Though, why was he even being questioned when he's finally having momentous moments with you?

Geralt gravelly hummed in displeasure, walking away from his friend as he said out loud with a brooding demeanor, moon over by what questioned he received when he'd only done what everybody wanted from him.

"You smell of heartache, rejection and bewilderment, bard."

Jaskier looked utterly wounded from receiving such spiteful words.

"O-Oh! You just didn't quote me that, witcher! You are beyond frank and hilarious when you are being verbally challenged!"

He heavily marched towards Geralt, stopping in front of him with his arms dramatically wide open; indignant of how petty he sounded for being asked over a question that was bound to be inquired soon enough because you were a person who came from another dimension that truly exists.

"I was simply asking what you would do when the rat finally needs to come home from where she rightfully belongs! What will happen to her?!----especially, to you, huh?!"

Geralt's eyes were heavy as it landed on him. Brooding. Crestfallen. Enough to say that the concept of it made him even more dejected and disgruntled. The witcher kept his mouth tightly shut, snapping his eyes away to mule over what he said.

You were already a part of his home besides his original family and Geralt didn't know what to do when one person leaves. Again. He was already done with leaving people and it wasn't surprising when karma hits him back as it'll use you as a pawn.

But, he does not opt for it to happen.

Jaskier brought his arms down to his sides. Baby blue eyes narrowed and his eyebrows pushed together to elicit his worry for his friend despite of the real deal that he also had with you.

"----Because apparently, you are in the risk of heartache when the time comes for her to leave. Isn't that right, Geralt?"

The break of dawn is nigh; dark and light colliding to meet the sun as they were finally reaching daybreak from all the fusses that was happening. He should've left before you even woke up, knowing you would be slightly upset as you weren't used to what life he had nor did you exactly have the vivid idea of everything.

You knew nothing at all and soon enough, Geralt was sure it'll kick him in the butt for not saying anything more about their world and for what it holds.

"You aren't just fond of her anymore. It's beginning to grow more than that," Jaskier honestly convinced his theories and observations, pausing to look at Geralt who has given him a tiny quirk of his brow for what he wanted to say, "---Before you tell me that it's because of something the Djinn has cast upon you both, it must be wrong."

Geralt went completely silent; letting Jaskier share his opinions laid out for him to understand, "You risked to appear in front of that wandering vampire that the queen has kept around---" pause. "---risked everything we had, trying to lay low from everyone because our lives are at stake here,"

Jaskier's weight fell on one foot to the other, raising a hand to point at himself as he continued to conclude, "You can fool anyone but me, Geralt. I can see who she is for you,"

"What do you want me to say, Bard?"

He brought a finger up to the witcher, ceasing his temper from bursting out of nowhere, "All I'm saying is that you shouldn't let her go." pause. "---Keep her, because I know you'll think of the greater good and try to fix everything according to your treacherous and foolish plans. Don't let her leave you---don't make her leave us,"

Geralt cocked his head to the side, forehead creased in confusion for the sudden contrast of his advice. His friend was technically not sounding forthright after asking him what his decision was with the involvement of you.

The latter started again, "Choose---" Brusque and impatient. His harsh, clipped tones cut him off. Geralt stated as a matter of fact, "---the lesser evil. So, I've been told."

He rounded up and dragged his feet away from the bard, walking the path back to his horse with a vexed Jaskier who angrily marched to where he was.

"No, you fool!" he ungraciously exclaimed, standing beside Geralt who took Roach's reigns, tugging at it as he motioned for her that it was time for her to gait, taking heavy steps away from their home while Jaskier followed close.

"---choose the greater good; even if the decision makes you selfish, Geralt."

The witcher looked up at the sky, seeing the beautiful sunny color paving its way to greet them a good morning. It wasn't a good morning to him based on how irritating the start of his day began. He stopped his mosey with an evident sigh, letting Jaskier continue to talk.

"---Stop challenging fate before it's too late---you deserve to be happy---surprising isn't it? From a bard who keeps on blabbing horse shite all the bloody time---well, I'm tired of being with a brooding witcher! If it means to be with a rat forever just for you to stop being cantankerous then I'm accepting the sacrifice!"

The bard's voice echoed across the meadow, combining along with the chirping of birds and the strong breeze of the morning wind. Roach was sniffing Geralt when he'd heard that soft padded footsteps jumping down their stairs in a hurried manner. He'd given Jaskier a disappointed look of his golden peepers; his plan now ruined that he would leave without bidding goodbye because of one bard that could always get under his skin for no reason.

"You were saying, bard?"

You were out of the threshold in no time. Hair in a tangled mess from your previous nightly adventures; along with your painted skin that had witcher bites, looking gauche from wearing Geralt's large tunic that ended on your knees with nothing under and a pout drawn to your face as you ran barefoot along the meadow, wildly screaming his name.

"Geralt-of-fucking-Rivia!" you panted and whined, never believing that he was leaving without any form of goodbyes, "---Don’t you dare step a foot! I swear to God, I will cut your majestic white hair when you walk away and I’ll never make you my special ale anymore!"

The threat was loud enough for him to cease his footsteps; plans of irritating you further would never be a good idea especially that he was leaving for a hunt. 

Palms upon your knee, you stood in front of the frowning witcher wearing his black, leather full gear armor; heaving deep pathetic breaths as your hauled over yourself, raising a hand to stop him from leaving.

When you've finally caught your breath, you promptly straightened your back; letting him see your swollen eyes due to sleeping late with probably morning dew slipping a few off the ends of your eyes. He affectionately caught sight of your upset ones; displeased from his sudden flee.

"How dare you leave when you know I don't wake up early like this?---and leaving without a hug!? Seriously, Geralt?!" you declared, obviously unsettled from being fucked the night after without waking you up to say that he was about to leave you for days in a world you hardly know about?

"---What if I don't get to see you again?"

Questions after questions, you demanded answers from Geralt in which it shall never be received based on how he simply watched you raved, feeling the discomfort and worry of leaving his family alone, "What if you never come back?" it sounded like you were thoroughly agonizing over the idea. You started to fret, toes feeling the moist pasture land over the soles of your feet; bringing you more concern.

"---What if I've been kidnapped or something?!"

Geraly shook his head, mouth in a tight thin line as he interrupted, "You're never leaving the house, midget. You need to take care of Cirilla," he let go of Roach's reigns to place his arms on either side of him, his tone more passive than yours, the words he told held more meaning as if he was giving a lot more trust than he can ever do by letting you handle the responsibility for his child of surprise even just for days.

The point simply tells you that he wasn't treating like you were his possession after admitting his feelings. Geralt was acting like a father and a husband for making you feel that way over supporting what he does for a living.

Just the act itself made you reach out for Geralt's hand, tightly clutching it in both of yours like you didn't want him to leave because you were feeling a little agitated for no reason. Overthinking always does take a toll on you. But often times, these female intuitions you have were correct for whatever bad feelings you were having.

Geralt closed his fist to subtly caress the back of your hand as Jaskier tried to convince and pour ice to your anxiety filled head, "Small rat, those are only predictions. He won't die yet. You're talking to a 100 year old witcher and you're frightened that he wouldn't come back alive?"

You face suddenly morphed into confusion, giving Jaskier a look of puzzlement. 100 years old? Geralt never looked that old to you, maybe his face was pretty much mature than yours but his features tells that he was around 30'ish and above, a lot more older than you nevertheless.

Geralt was still quiet as he continued to brush his thumb over the back of your hand. No objection was received and so, you believed Jaskier's words were true. Yet, his age never made you uneasy nor made you want to run for the hills. He was still Geralt. Your mean looking, soft-hearted witcher. More human than any other man can ever be.

He was yours. Only yours; and you needed to bite your tongue from saying words that would taser your heart from being unanswered.

"Wait---what--- you're a 100 years old?!?!----anyway, Geralt---!!" Geralt only hummed in dissatisfaction for Jaskier's existence in their world.

You peered up at the witcher with a fretful beam, your nose scrunching from feeling too worried for him when he goes out to hunt for his monsters; remembering what stories he told and the scars you've seen on his body. It was making your heart feel heavy, and Geralt wasn't a simpleton to not know nor feel how concerned you were for him.

It's been a long time since he's ever had someone making him feel all sorts of things and the doubled up emotions was making it more uncontrollable for the feelings he had for you.

"In our world, when a person leaves, they always bid their goodbyes!" Geralt drowsily blinked back at you, an utter soft flicker in his eyes that made your heart turn to mush.

Your eyes were hopeful as you asked, "---now, where's mine?"

You've let go of his hand, timidly standing before him with your frail arms on either side; wiggling your bare toes on the grass as you shyly waited for his reaction. Was it too much to ask even just a kiss before he goes?

"Goodbye, midget." the white wolf gravelly rasped, insincerity dripping in his tone because he didn't like bidding goodbyes to people he would still get to see again. The words seemed to be bitter for his taste, his farewell totally feigned because he was never going to leave for good. You've seen a tiny slip of his fangs as he talked and tried to regret what he said.

"---though, I doubt I meant that because I am not leaving for good,"

His reaction made you want to jump in a hole and just talk to yourself instead. Your face fell at that and Jaskier was found silently wincing from what the witcher has interpreted. He would rather bask in his own laughter and silence by himself than be punched by Geralt. So, he did; snorting a chuckle as he continued to eavesdrop and watched you both in a conversation.

Though, the bard's laughter was momentarily ceased when Geralt sent him a scowl.

"Why am I---why are witchers idiots? why are you an idiot sometimes?!"

Jaskier was known to be brave for even deciding to be Geralt's travel companion before; having the freedom to annoy him and never gotten the chance to end up beheaded or served as a meal for monsters. He was the only person who Geralt could handle no matter how he brings problems and for how annoying he can become.

However, at some point; they've gotten into a huge fight and it was intense. Luckily, they were on good terms right now after being separated.

"I second the notion, small rat!" the toubadour jested with a grin; Geralt's lack of knowledge about romantic gestures entertaining him.

You palmed your face in fluster and from the frustration; seeming more difficult to say what you truly wanted because Jaskier was close enough to hear what you could ask. A frown etched your face, grouching before the witcher like a kid that has never been given a big swirling rainbow lollipop.

"I didn't meant that! I meant---I meant---!"

You were stammering as you stood rooted on the ground, glancing up at Geralt while subtly pointing to your pouted lips. He calmly breathed out his frustrations from not understanding you prior before. But, the way his golden eyes lit up, sparkling beneath the sun's rays made you see that he knew what you meant.

His eyes were like diamonds twinkling under the sun and it always leaves you bewitched.

He has given Jaskier another grimace before humming back at you in comprehension, "A buss." His mouth curled in a small smile before you've seen him give you a gesture with his hand; urging you to come closer.

"Come ere'. You should've been more specific, midget."

Geralt slung an arm around your hips, his armor hitting your skin with soft clungs; pulling you closer to him as he leaned down to your height, catching your ajar lips in between his as he puckered to give you the most tender kiss you've received, taking you breath away like how he always does.

He'd kissed the tips of your vermillion, feeling like the other piece of your heart has been put together; making you feel complete. Satisfied. With the sudden life that was given to you when you woke up in the middle of the forest, having no idea how you've been transported.

But, experiencing no obstacles in their world from the time being was making you feel jittery because you knew life didn't work that way. It always leads you into an ocean, making you drown in impediments that can assuredly take the happiness away from you in just a flash.

You knew something was about to happen because fate always leads you in that position. It was like it wanted you to taste what contentment in life would be before snatching it out of your hands.

What would your fate bring you in their world?

Geralt has pulled away in the slightest amount. The tips of your vermillion brushing against his as your heart felt heavier to feel his warmth around you; not liking the concept of your witcher away because of certain reasons you couldn't explain. Faint voices has woken you up from your slumber, forewarning about him leaving you; urging for Geralt not to go which took you to run out of the door in your disheveled state.

He lightly gave you a kiss on the tips of your nose; your mouth frowned at that no matter how your heart slightly fluttered from the soft gesture. Geralt straightened his back as he has given Jaskier a knowing look. Jaskier unconsciously has given him a subtle roll of his eyes, feeling that he was being cocky for showing that he had the freedom to kiss you like that. It was how Geralt could define his repartee and Jaskier swore that he got one point of having the upper hand from the surprising physical display of affection.

"Difficult...to be lovers with a 100 year old witcher, won't you say?" he sent the message to you and sounded like he wanted to sulk but he covered the tone with a feigned cough.

Light hurried footfall came falling behind. The Ashen haired child announced her appearance with a look of nausea; her nose twisted in distaste for what she saw because she had already been watching you three in a distance.

"Ugh, gross." she joked, quickly replacing her abhorrence with a genuine smile, "---Is this how disgusting it is to see a child's parents kiss?"

Everybody turned to look at her, the arm that has snaked around you was now gone as you also looked at the princess with a bewildered expression for what she'd said. Nobody dared to object nor concur to what they've heard, only reticence.

But, not for Jaskier. He'd called Cirilla out for saying those words unexpectedly.

"So, you're calling them your parents now? Mother? Father?---and me?"

The lion cub of Cintra raised a sardonic brow as she tightly crossed her arms over her chest, tone all jest and playful as she commented, "---Which leads to you, bard." she abruptly paused to make it sound more intriguing as she spat, "---a dust mite in the household."

Cirilla took several steps closer to Geralt, making you fall back to give them time together. You've given them both a loving smile to indicate that you loved seeing them interact all the time because of how compassionate he was over his child, such a fatherly thing he appeared to be like, with the princess finding comfort and protection in his arms as she stepped closer to give the witcher a big, bear hug that he certainly didn't think twice to accept.

"Take care, Geralt. More than ever--please do come back,”

You eyed Geralt who was hugging Cirilla, your smile turning wider than ever as you lively jested among the affectionate scene you were seeing from a father and daughter.

"Is this the part where we should give you a group hug?---Okay! Okay! I'm joining!" Cirilla wholly accepted the idea of that and pulled your arm to surround beside her and Geralt; his hand immediately falling on your side, grabbing you closer once you were pulled by the pretty child.

The giggles that he heard from you both has lifted a smile on his brooding, sharp features. He lowly hummed in content before lifting his eyes off his girls in his arms to glance at Jaskier who seemed to suddenly be out of humor.

"Bard." he gruffly called out, amused from how the troubadour was despondent from the whole thing happening. Geralt gave an audible huff, alarming Jaskier because he knew what he was thinking. The witcher was thinking how pathetic he was looking to be so withdrawn over the abrupt embraces under the newly emerging morning sun.

"A dust mite mustn't interfere with a family group hug---oof! This is harassment!"

Jaskier was strongly pulled by Geralt who took no complaints over the embosom he was in, puffing out a frustrated breath as he tried to pull back from the embrace but had no choice when the witcher was using his strength, his hand behind the poet. His slight struggle painless for him. He gave the bard a strong pat on the back that made him cough out on how his lungs hurt from the sudden attack.

His grapples were cut short when you've placed your palm just below Geralt's; giving Jaskier a hug as well. Your touch felt unexpected as the white wolf heard his sudden heart palpitations over the subtle brush of your fingers on his friend.

Geralt knew, but not you.

Jaskier will be fine. If this was the only affectionate gesture that he could get you in, so be it. His unrequited affection will go away slowly, he hoped.

The white wolf's departure haven't lasted for a day till you were low spirited enough to stare out onto the windows, sitting on the stoned sill of the windows. Your viewpoint giving such reverence over how immeasurable their world could offer. From trees to the core of their land certainly looked earthy to you. A facsimile of what your world has been. Do they have oceans too? Noodles? Oh, you definitely wanted noodles for thinking about it.

Kaedwen. It was what their kingdom is called. You've also heard about Nilfgaard. Novigrad. But, you have no idea as to what it looks like rather than the kingdom of Kaedwen that looks no good like how you imagined Switzerland to be if you were talking about how the government treats their people.

Humans were treated poorly and even to the point of selling themselves as slaves; remembering what you have heard and saw while walking around the marketplace back then. They were living in dirt and striving to live with the ones who were abundant, seeing like they could never surpass to be cared for like they were humans.

Their government are treating them like garbage. The medieval movies you've watched were real because you also remember how you were close to being sold by a nobleman because no one knew who you were; having no name or a bloodline that could save you from being abjected.

Except for Geralt who needed to create a bloodbath just for you to live. The act alone has probably given him a violation against their law because of how he'd killed knights or people. Or was it legal for it happen?

You were staring far too long out in the open; waiting for your witcher to come back. What if he was away to probably find the sorceress that could bring you back home? Or better yet, what if he did find Yennefer and comes back choosing her instead because you're too dependent over him. His tiny mortal who always needed saving?

What if he gets tired of you? will he throw you away just like how people treat their lovers in earth when they're bored of each other?

What if you've just existed in their dimension because you were needed to fill the empty gap of Geralt's heart until he finds the sorceress?

You've asked Jaskier about it the past few days ago which has left your heart in a disgruntled mess when you've had answers over his relationships he never tells about.

"So, Yennefer, huh?" you've followed Jaskier out of the house. Nightfall was about to come by soon and Geralt wasn't around as he left with no words. The bard jogged through the end of the meadow till he'd reach the edge of the vast forest, twigs and branches breaking apart from every step when you've trailed behind him with a bothered heart.

"What?---Oh! You're asking me who she is?" Jaskier crouched to pick up blocks of wood that will cover up the whole night full of brisk as darkness was bound to visit soon. You hugged yourself to calm down the goosebumps that rose your skin when the cold hits you,"---Would you want a simplified explanation or a detailed one?"

You thought for a moment before feeling your heart beat ringing in your ears. It was that loud for the anticipation running in your veins for how curious you were about Geralt and a vision of his past, "The simplified one,"

Jaskier continued his rummaging, picking up woods after woods as he nonchalantly tittle-tattled, "She's a strong, fierce sorceress. Nice too because she's helped me out of a curse but also kind of rude to me---I am not biased just because of the whole crow’s feet ordeal---they've shared quests and I've been there to witness how they connect with each other. However, their relationship has lots of ups and downs. They've somehow find each other no matter what happens back in the decades except for now."

Your throat felt like there was some phantom hands trying to choke you; constantly bickering back to tell how strong and powerful she was that they've shared tales and adventures. It was downing over your head about how much of a burden you have been to Geralt, the constant feeling of your relationship with him being the cause of the responsibility he had for taking you because he had no other choice that he was the first person you've encountered.

You were definitely the most useless amongst his prior lovers.

He shrieked when a large bug has flew over his face, flicking them away with his hands as he threw his arms around; trying to hit the bug with a block of wood as he continued to talk, "---Move away, you shite of a bug!---Geralt stopped finding her due to reasons I have no clue about and because he needed to avoid people at all costs---but---oh, gods. It’s quite difficult to explain,"

Jaskier has gathered all the wood he needed. You've reach out to help him carry the blocks but before you could even touch them, he'd stepped away and walked around you as he continue to speak, "Oh, and about Renfri; don't bother nor think about it."

He heard your footfalls following him back to the meadow and even heard you exclaim, "Why?"

"She's reached her demise. Explains why Geralt has a moniker named the 'butcher of Blaviken'. Ended up killing her to save an ignoble child named Masha---Martha---Marilka?! Oh, whatever! He chose that to save the innocent lives of people instead. He never told you that?"

Your felt the needles poking through your chest because of how naive it felt to know nothing about it, also feeling sad about her early demise. You've remembered how Geralt ceased his stories when he'd reach the part where he went to a town named Blaviken; not even bothering to tell you that he has met a woman named Renfri and somehow had such hapless fate between them both.

You felt foolish. Ignorant over a story that was never told. Hence, it was enough to turn that smile upside down as you quietly muttered, "No."

Jaskier stopped walking, waiting for you to catch up as you stood beside him with a frown. He'd given you the twinkle of his pretty baby blue eyes with a sympathetic smile as he uttered, "That's never new, though. It's understandable. I've experienced it too, don't worry. Geralt has always been Geralt. He rarely becomes loquacious,"

You've crossed your arms behind your back, your fingers fidgeting; nails scratching your palm from how you were feeling the tiny prickle of your nerves telling that you weren't in the best part of your brain. The dragging feeling on your chest adding more weight from the start that Jaskier has opened his mouth to chat.

"He does that for anyone, huh? Saving people, I mean."

Jaskier was oblivious about how you've turned your head away to anxiously nibble on your lower lip. He was incognizant over your disappointed mental breakdown of your own self because he went on to simply tell, "No matter how he says that he doesn't want to be involved nor desires for anyone needing him. He still saves them because---"

You immediately cut him off, swallowing the tight knot in your throat, looking at him in the eye with a disheartened gaze, "He doesn't want people needing him?"

"Geralt never liked it. But, guess what brought you here! You! Even had the chance of needing Geralt because you were lost and vulnerable. Was it out of pity? I---I---No. No. Definitely not out...of...pity?"

When the moment he'd seen your eyes, Jaskier was quick to know that he made the wrong choice of words and even the topic to tell. He gave an awkward grin, instantly regretting what he said when you've shifted those eyes to look away.

"Why did they never see each other again?"

The bard has cursed himself repeatedly inside his mind, praying to the gods that you won't be mad at Geralt when he comes home because him and Cirilla didn't need another chance of being surrounded by the silence eating them up when you both are having misunderstandings or issues about each other.

"The witcher has made mistakes. He let her slip away. They've parted after a pretty intense fight."

He'd pretty much simplified everything, sounding like he told it to you in bullet form and left you alone in the middle of the field as he ran back inside. Though, it was too late. You've heard what is needed to know and the discomfort that dropped inside your stomach felt like these feelings you had for Geralt was already serious.

It was definitely too late because you've lately realized that liking him wasn't the correct term. Love felt better and deeper.

Soft knocking has pulled you off your reverie which has made you blink as you swiftly turned your head to see a child whom you also have a soft heart for. This child that has no idea why she was being persecuted---or maybe you were the person who had no thought again as to what reason and purpose does Nilfgaard want from her because honestly, all you could see from her was a child who had nobody left behind for her to console. If it wasn't for Geralt, she probably would have been taken by the people who want her.

You narrowed your gaze and gave her a bit of your scrutiny, angling your head in a way that tells the child you were trying to look through her. Did she have some sort of magic too? Was she a mutant too?

"Mum'?---will it be alright for me to call you that? I--I---I don't want to call you rat or midget," she tried to call you for the third time. Her bright cobalt eyes buoyant as she wend one's way, ceasing before you with a tight-lipped smile.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?" you softly pardoned with a sweet smile.

The princess couldn't help but bashfully give a beam, conscious if you've said that because you didn't want to be called that way. But, she gave no second doubts and repeated her questions again; anxiously and hopeful to undertake.

"Can I call you Mum'? Everybody has a nickname for you and also considering how you've started taking care of me---with---with Geralt now deeming as your beloved..." she trailed off in the middle of her sentence and you waited for her to continue but it was intentionally left to be dithered.

Heat traveled towards your cheeks. The princess wanted to call you 'Mum'? you silently questioned yourself. Your heart beat was racing from being accepted by his child of surprise, sounding like she wanted you to be her mother and seeing her fret before you made you think that she would gladly be your daughter as long as you were comfortable.

"Beloved? Right! Right! You can call me anything you want, Ciri."

The affirmation made her give you a toothy grin. Cirilla didn't think twice and merrily cajoled with a small hop of her feet that were close against each other, "Great, Mum'! Can you teach me how to bake?---maybe a cake---oh! Or a very scrumptious bread!?"

Your sullen features have been promptly lifted on the spot. You've grasped onto what she wanted, a distraction from how apprehensive she seemed to be like from the way her heels tap on the stone floor and to the way her forehead was slightly creased like she was on pins and needles. The princess was even worried because Geralt wasn't around to guard anyone in the household.

Her wrist was quickly snatched by you, pulling her out of your chambers and running through the hallway, towards down the stairs with heavy, excited thumps.

"Of course! would you like me to teach you how I'd baked blueberry muffins from the other night?"

The lion cub of Cintra hummed in mirth, nodding behind despite of knowing you couldn't see her as you pulled her around. Your eyes scanned the first floor of the house to see Kolby snuffling the front door with Jaskier no where to be seen.

You passed by the newly fixed table; knowing that Geralt ended up fastening back what was ruined. Trying to whisk your head away, you did you best not to feel the warmth spread over your face. Toes were lifted up to the highest as you reached for the door of the cupboards to see the bowls all gone when the last time you remembered; the white wolf has changed the position of plates in a much lower level for your sake.

Jaskier was just intentionally doing it right now and it made your blood boil for his constant teasing.

"I'm going to strangle that bard. I swear to Thor; I hope he hits Jaskier with a lightning---where did he even place all the bowls again?!" you complained more so to yourself as Cirilla was left standing on your side, waiting for your next command.

You've gestured with your hand, making her stay inside the kitchen while you walked away. The Hirikka suddenly howling out of the blue when you jogged towards the front door, stepping out of the threshold as Kolby followed suit.

"Jaskier?!" a loud yell echoed as you called at the top of your voice; seeing no bard anywhere.

Kolby unexpectedly sprinted, running off your side as he turned along the path around the house where the back door lead to.

You groaned out loud, strolling to where the Hirikka went, "Jaskier! Will you please tell me where---Jaskier!"

An ear-piercing shriek left your lips. Heart stopped from beating, your blood running cold as you were filled with panic and fear from seeing Jaskier hunkered down in the middle of chevaliers circling him like he was being tyrannized.

Armored gallants sat on their horses, their helmets taken off their faces which has given you images of what they looked like. A mixture of different ethnicity that you were well aware of back in earth. But, they've shared gazes in their eyes that placed you in a horrified position that tells everything was about to go down and it wasn't just Jaskier hunched on the ground.

When he heard your footsteps, he was pleading that you wouldn't actually visit the back part of the house but seeing Kolby safeguarding as he stood in front of you; thoroughly feral and livid for visitors that weren't invited at all, Jaskier knew all hell was about to break lose.

"A liar, bard." you've heard that voice back in the marketplace, a timbre you didn't wish to hear ever again as it haunts you with memories that he was a mystical being and the person who has stabbed you to bleed.

"The witcher didn't bring his little woman all along," Tybalt's breath fanned your ears, making you hastily step away from the vampire with your eyes all wide from the spine-chilling memory that gets you shunning away. Kolby was rapid enough to slip in between the uncomfortable space that Tybalt has locked you in, all predatory and wild as the movement made you stumble down beside Jaskier.

You've coughed out from being accidentally pushed to the ground, the knights of Kaedwen stepping back to include you in the tyranny of hopeless pleading. The bard's lip was wounded. Broken. Bleeding. Claret colored liquid painting his teeth which tells that they've been bashing him for quite some painful minutes. His doublet untidy and disordered from their constant forceful pulling.

"Rat," he weakly groused, holding onto his battered stomach. Jaskier tightly blinked the dirt out of his eyes as he spitefully spat the blood, wiping the blood off his busted lip with the back of his hand. His golden dagger tightly on his palm as he ceaselessly jested. The words coming out of his lips sounding familiar as you remembered you've said it to him before in the middle of being taken.

"---You had one job."

NO UPDATE FOR THIS UPCOMING JUNE 27, BB’S! I’mma take a break! (Or not because I always end up opening my drafts and try to write lmao) I’ll probably write the future chapters for everyone and so, I won’t get stuck on procrastinating before school starts in about after 2 months. LMAO. I get anxious when I think about this fic being unfinished due to random reasons because I don’t want that. FEEDBACKS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED! (Strikethrough means I couldn’t tag you)

Taglist for WOTN: @alyxkbrl @himarisolace @barkingbullfrog @ayamenimthiriel @hellodevilslittlesister @vania-marie @spookypeachx @grungelovebug @fangirl-inthe-us @nympeth @amirahiddleston @gabethelobster @dreaming-about-starfleet @uncoolcloudyhead @melaninstylezz @psychosupernaturalhero @missjenniferb @dance-dreamer @marvelousell @kingniazx @angelias134 @tapismyforte @chook007 @covid-donotenter @winter-moons @cheesecakeisapie @silverkitten547 @angelofthor @carrieannewaywardson, @plantingmum, @stuckupstucky, @shesthelastjedi, @a--1--1--3, @gutfucks​, @raynosaurus-rex

Overall witcher taglist: @pizza-eater-i-ate-the-pizza​

General taglist: @agniavateira​, @iloveyouyen​, @rahdaleigh​,

[youremyonlyhope]

Thoughts on the Six of Crows Duology

Maybe it’s because this took place over a much shorter timespan than Shadow and Bone, but I feel like I could pinpoint all the plot points and the timelines of Shadow and Bone better than I can for Six of Crows. When I made my post about SaB, it was easier to remember the order that everything happened. I think that because SoC has multiple chapters covering the same period time from different characters’ perspectives along with lots of flashbacks thrown in, that it’s causing the order of events to be a jumble in my mind.

But anyway, Six of Crows was a dramatic and fun (well... not fun..) heist novel, while Crooked Kingdom made it its personal mission to destroy me emotionally. I loved every second of it but I don’t know when I’ll properly recover.

Obvious spoilers for Six of Crows trilogy, but also the Grishaverse in general. (Most of this was written at the end of June but not posted until now)

So I guess I’ll start with Six of Crows. Maybe I’ll do a paragraph for each part... I’ll probably give up on that pretty quickly but we’ll see.

I love that the series has Inej’s POV be the first of the Crows that we get and then she also gets to be the last POV of the Crows too. If I hadn’t seen season 1 of Shadow and Bone first, I’m not sure how I’d have reacted to Kaz’s ruthlessness or the world of Ketterdam in general. I also knew that the Kanej relationship would be insane amounts of pining and the pain of requited-but-thought-to-be-unrequited love, so I was sort of shocked that in one of the first chapters Kaz changes clothes with Inej in the room and she ponders “Am I the only one he lets get this close?” And he says in that same chapter “my darling Inej, treasure of my heart...” I was like, I know he’s probably teasing but oh my god... we’re just going right into it. Leigh’s teasing us already. I knew then it would be torture. Moving on. Matthais killing a wolf hurt my soul and I wasn’t even aware that the wolves were THAT sacred to Fjerdans. And I guess maybe I shouldn’t have watched the show first since Matthais trying to choke Nina did not shock me.

I give up on this one paragraph per part thing already.

Something I did not expect was Jesper sort of having a crush on Kaz too. Did I just not notice that in the show or did they decide to leave that out? I guess I shouldn’t be shocked but still, reading about Jesper’s little tiny thoughts of jealousy was interesting. Inez’s thoughts of how much she hated that her heart’s arrow seemed to aim for Kaz when nothing can ever come of it hurt me. AHHH and idiot Kaz saying “I always come back for my investments” to Inej when he’s carrying her just.. this idiot. Did he ever even say “I’m sorry” at some point in the books? I can’t remember, it’s a blur of emotions. Kaz, sweetheart, you’re CARRYING Inej, you can barely stand having someone touch your sleeve and you’re CARRYING her. How could Inej even question that he cared about her more than just being another investment if he carried her to safety? How could you question it if he feels comfortable enough to undress around you? The boy’s dumb, listen to his actions not the stupid words he says.

It’s funny, while double checking how many more Grisha books remained as I walked to my bookstore a few days ago to pick up Nikolai’s books, I saw on Leigh’s website that she has another book called The Ninth House. And it said “While the books of the Grishaverse can be safely explored by readers of any age, Ninth House is darker, more graphic, and intended for adults.”

...

Ok Leigh. Tell me in what world would the scene where Kaz stabs and pulls out the eye of Oomen then throws him overboard be considered a scene that can be “safely explored by readers of any age”?? That was a lot. I wasn’t expecting that level of personal violence this early. I was just as horrified as Wylan and Matthais were when they witnessed it.

Anyway. Nina wishing for one more day of Healer training back in the Little Palace hurt. Looking back through the book just now I laughed at Nina saying to Jesper, of all people, “Do you know how to find a Grisha who doesn’t want to be found?” I have so many thoughts about Jesper that I will have to save for later. And Matthais’ “I might have loved you too.” felt like a stab to my heart. Honestly I know I said earlier that Crooked Kingdom ruined me, but I guess SoC did too and I just forgot about it all until just now because Crooked Kingdom turned it up to another level.

The friendships they all have. I almost wish they never needed to leave that boat. Nina and Inej were adorable when Nina sang for her. Jasper and Inej bonding over questioning why they still follow (and love) Kaz while also knowing neither of them ever want to stop was amazing. Throw in Kaz thinking “Because I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days” about Inej and it’s just a recipe for making Hope emotional.

People had told me the Nina and Matthais scenes of SaB season 1 were pulled straight from Six of Crow’s flashbacks, and they were not lying. A few differences here and there but it’s pretty accurate. I think the show’s pacing for those scenes was off though, sometimes it felt rushed and other times it felt too drawn out (especially since I had no clue how these two would fit into everything because I hadn’t read the books yet). Reading the scenes made me appreciate what they’d been through much more. And I do like how the show adapted the reason that Nina turned Matthais in as a slaver.

Slowly having Kaz and Jordie’s backstory unfold was traumatizing. I had wondered what made him so touch averse, and now I get it. What Kaz went through was terrible. I could barely read the words because it was so painful. Inej being so understanding while not knowing everything that happened, just knowing that Kaz needs her to not judge him for fainting or recoiling from touch, was beautiful.

The reveal that Jesper was a Grisha was sort of spoiled for me because 1) in the show one of the Heartrenders said “What are you? You’re a-” to him so that was a big hint. And 2) a YouTube comment I saw confirmed that that line referenced that he was Grisha. This is a trend, YouTube comments have spoiled me multiple times over the last 2 months. You’d think I’d learn, but nope, I just got spoiled for Rule of Wolves not even an hour ago because of a YouTube comment. I thought I was finally safe to watch SoC videos since I wouldn’t be spoiled. I forgot that people can discuss the other books too. Anyway, Jesper being a Fabrikator is a dream come true since that’d be my ideal Grisha power. Even though I knew it was coming, I still was sort of surprised by the way it was revealed, so I’m sure that it came as a shock to readers who avoid spoilers, unlike me.

The entire heist in the Ice Court caused me constant anxiety. How in the world could everything go so wrong in so many different ways and still work out? I felt like every single page there was some new blindside and yet the Crows (but mostly Kaz) managed to figure out a way out of it. I really didn’t think that it’d start to go wrong as early as it did with literally the first very first steps of the plan failing. Nina and Kaz searching the cells and getting caught, Inej finding out that the chimney was hot and ended up melting her shoes (I was so especially mad about the shoes being ruined). I was very surprised that Kaz was as reckless as he was to detour and find Rollins. It felt out of character, but proved how deep his hatred is if he nearly risked the entire reward just to make sure that he still has the chance to get revenge on Rollins later.

Nina and Inej pretending to be with the Menagerie was insane. Inej’s internal freak out when Heleen recognized her made me feel so scared for her, but I was 20 times more scared for Nina with Brum. Those few moments where I thought Matthais really had betrayed the Crows and sold them out to Brum made me so mad. I knew deep down it had to be a bluff to get Brum out of the way, but I was still scared it was real. God, I felt so much relief when Matthais let her out, they found Kuwei, and Kaz got them all out through the Sacred Ash.

The stealing and driving of the tank was borderline ridiculous, but I was just happy to be along for the ride. Nina using the parem though... and the pain she went through afterwards while in withdrawal. God that hurt me. I couldn’t even be remotely happy at Kaz admitting he wants Inej because I was so worried about Nina. I literally was like “Kaz shut up about your feelings, Nina’s body is literally falling apart in the other room.”

I should have seen it coming that the Van Eck deal was too good to be true, and yet I was still blindsided by the attack and the kidnapping of Inej. And then going straight into a chapter narrated by Pekka Rollins was like whiplash, but I just went with it. I didn’t really realize how strange it was to get Pekka’s POV, but I didn’t care because I saw all the remaining pages and wanted to see how they’d save Inej. Then that chapter ended and on the next page I read the words “I have a degenerative condition...” I was confused by the sudden use of first person, and realized I was at the Acknowledgements, which meant the book was done.

I looked from the last page, back to the acknowledgements, and back to the last page, then I literally said “WHAT” out loud as it hit me that the book had ended with the worst cliffhanger I think I’ve ever experienced. I legitimately tossed the book to the floor after I came to terms with the fact that book was done. I was so mad.

Onto Crooked Kingdom! Boy did I not know what I was in for. I thought I did. I knew Chapter 40 was coming but instead I got an entire book of emotional destruction.

First of all, I love maps. So I was very glad to get a detailed map of Ketterdam with streets! And actual places! I probably stared at it and studied it for 5 minutes straight before even reading the book. The more detailed a map is, the happier I am. This map made me very happy.

The biggest takeaway of the first section of Crooked Kingdom is that Inej still believes that Kaz only cares for her as an investment. Breaks my heart. But also, Kaz traumatizing a little girl in the first few chapters makes you wonder if he even deserves Inej (he does, but wow is he ruthless. He didn’t kill the kid at least I guess). 

Colm. I have thoughts about Colm. He’s such a loving father. I will say more later when it’s more relevant. I loved that the rest of the Crows came to Jesper’s defense to create a lie for his dad, and that Colm adopted all of the kids. I can’t even read the word Colm without wanting to sob so I’ll stop with him for now.

I don’t know how I feel about us, as the readers, being left out of pieces of the plan. I’m not sure if this is something I love or hate about the way that Leigh writes the Crows novels. It’s fun for plot twists and usually does make sense when it’s from the POV of a character that Kaz purposefully leaves out of part of a plan, but that doesn’t always end up being the case. The Alys kidnapping was a complete blindside to me. Matthais sharing the chocolates he bought for Nina with Alys was sweet though, that he wants Nina to eat again so much that he’s ok with it just being sweets. I feel so bad that Nina can’t even eat that.

The Goedmedbridge plan with all the fake Mister Crimsons was an actual stroke of genius, if only the Shu didn’t come out of nowhere. Once again, everything going wrong yet the Crows finding their way out of it somehow. While Six of Crows felt like everything was going to plan until it wasn’t and then they were able to get back on track in a different way, Crooked Kingdom felt like constant blockages and blindsides and conflicts that came out of nowhere. The story and the plan and the plot changed so many times that it felt like I was on a roller coaster getting whiplash.

I’m scanning Part 3 and honestly, this feels like it all happened 5 minutes ago not like it was in the first half of the book. But oh my god, the line after Kaz and Inej stakeout the Van Eck house. “I would come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together – knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.” Inej, my girl, how in the world do you think this boy doesn’t care about you? Oh my god... oh my god... I’d die if someone said something like that to me. Kaz, sweetheart, love, sometimes you say the stupidest things, but then other times you say the most violently romantic things I’ve ever heard.

And then Matthais saying Nina looked “Enchanting” in the Fjerdan clothing? This was just chapter after chapter of me squealing. And honestly, once again, meeting Zoya in the tavern feels like it happened in Part 5 not Part 3. I read this book so quickly that I really can’t remember the order of events until now that I’m scanning it.

I’m really glad that we got more of Wylan’s backstory and got to meet his mom. I wish he could have been better prepared for that, but there was no way. Hearing about Matthais’ wolf Trassel was the perfect thing to start breaking my heart. I said this last time with Hershaw and Oncat, I’m more sad when a pet is left behind by their dead/missing owner than when the pet themselves die. I nearly sobbed when Matthais thought about how Trassel must have been abandoned by the other Druseklle when he disappeared. 

Matthais, Jesper, and Kuwei half-theorizing an antidote for parem was amazing. Also I love that Matthais is the one who kind of guesses that Jesper’s restlessness is the effect from him not using his power regularly. Matthais, you really had a knack for understanding the Grisha.

Ok. Here we go. Jesper’s backstory. When I found out that Jesper was half Kaelish and half Zemeni, I was beyond overjoyed. I am half Black half Irish, with the same parentage as Jesper, so that representation made me happy. I didn’t expect to shed tears though when we finally got his backstory and to get to know his parents a little. The love that his mom and dad had for each other was absolutely beautiful. The fact that Aditi died while trying to save a little girl hurt me so much. Jesper wondered if he had been older and more trained would he have saved her, but honestly, he probably would have just put the poison in himself and died instead. Colm saying “She was a queen, Jes. She was our queen” tore out my heart. The way that Jesper and Colm had to look after each other after that. Jesper trying to cook and burning the food but Colm still eating every bit. Them just having to try to be ok after losing her, and Jesper knowing he wasn’t meant for this life on the farm. All of it continued to tear my heart straight out of my chest and stomp on it.

Guys I’m legitimately tearing up all over again. I had to fight to not be a mess reading it the first time and I still shed some tears over it. This is why I can’t even type Colm’s name without letting out a sob. He loves his son and his wife so much. He always wanted what was best and was constantly worried for them because they’re Grisha. They’re Zowa. I couldn’t handle Jesper’s backstory. And every single interaction Colm and Jesper had after I read what they went through, I’d let out a sob or even shed a tear. I loved their relationship and the love they have for each other so much.

Everything going wrong in a billion different ways at once honestly made me go “Come on not AGAIN.” Dunyasha coming out of nowhere, Pekka Rollins sabotaging Kaz, the other Lions ambushing the Black Veil. It was honestly a miracle that they all got out of it. I was especially, ESPECIALLY, proud of Matthais coaching Kuwei and Jesper on how to use their powers to get them out of the situation. This boy went from killing Grisha, to helping lead them. This character development is amazing. And he’s still internally fighting the part of him that says “Unnatural” and is making the choice to ignore the hate that was trained into him. I love him.

Nina’s zombies though. At first I was like “Oh haha she can control bones, that’s fun” when she blew up the tavern windows, but that turned morbid, literally morbid, very quickly. Animating corpses. I mean. It’s a great power to have honestly. Disgusting and horrifying, but very useful. 

“What do you think my forgiveness looks like, Jordie?” “Who the hell is Jordie?” When I say I gasped and my jaw dropped at that part... Literally, I couldn’t move past that line for at least 30 seconds. I just stared at the page and reread those two lines over and over again because I could not believe Kaz really slipped up like that. But also, oh my god, the implications of how much Kaz cares about Jesper if he’s mixing him up subconsciously with his brother, the brother who literally is the reason he has fought to become the feared gang leader he is and to bring down Rollins. He called Jesper Jordie. I still cannot believe it. And the way Kaz’s face looked frightened... I’m so excited to see this scene in the TV show.

Ok, home stretch.

Jesper and Colm finally clearing the air was yet another scene that made me shed tears over these two. The way that we found out that Colm didn’t want Jesper to go to be trained but gave him the choice anyway, and that Jesper didn’t go because he didn’t want to leave his father behind. God, my heart would have just broken if he’d left Colm behind. Oh no I’m going to start crying again. “His heart hurt. His head hurt. Guilt and love and resentment were all tangled up inside him, and every time he tried to unravel the knot in his gut, it got worse.” I felt that. I hate that after all of that, the conversation didn’t even get to get to end on good terms. Colm still doesn’t want him to use his power because of what happened to his mother, and Jasper says “I’m dying anyway, Da. I’m just doing it slow.” and it absolutely destroyed me. It’s like they put my heart back in my chest, only to rip it out again and shred it this time.

And then of course that led to Jesper kissing Kuwei instead of Wylan, which brings up some messy dubious consent stuff. I thought it was a little out of nowhere, but then I remembered the Kuwei did complain earlier “Why do you keep looking at him? I look just like him. You can look at me.” At that time, that complaint seemed strange, but it made sense when this kiss happened that Kuwei liked Jesper too.

But who even cares about Jesper and Wylan and Kuwei having some sort of love triangle, when the bathroom scene is coming up for Inej and Kaz. I don’t mean to push Jesper and Wylan’s relationship woes to the side, but oh my god. I swear, I was holding my breath while reading this bathroom scene. I felt like I was personally interrupting their moment every second that I was reading it, but also I needed to keep reading to see what would happen. Every touch was as nerve-wracking for me as it was for Kaz (ok maybe not, but still). And after all of that, after Kaz tells her the horrible things he did to the people who were in on Rollins’ plot that killed Jordie, she still sees the good in him. I cannot handle these two. Oh my god. These two are on a completely different level of pining. “If you ever cared about me at all, don’t follow.” Poor Inej, having to go from that intimate moment to watching Kaz be beaten and somehow win a fight with 20 people.

Sturmhond showing up made my life. The moment I read the words “fox-faced man” my whole body perked up. I was like “Hope. Don’t get too excited. Yes it’s probably him, but don’t get excited.” but when Kaz recognized him I actually squealed at the confirmation. Nikolai owns my heart. And so does Jesper now. So the little bit of dialogue those two shared made me actually kick my feet with joy. “Take me with you.” Honestly, these two together for a period of time longer than 1 minute would probably make the world explode. But oh, what I’d give for a Jesper and Nikolai buddy comedy...

When Leigh let us believe that everything was going wrong in the plan (Wylan telling Van Eck everything, the fake Council of Tides crashing the auction, Inez saying Kuwei has to die) only for us to find out that it was all really a part of the plan was just plain cruel. I was so upset. I guess it’s fitting, after all the things that really went wrong for them, they had to take a little bit more. But this is one of the few times that we the reader are completely left out of the plan, and it’s not just because we’re following the POV of someone who was left out of whatever specific part of the plan didn’t involve them. This time all the characters knew, but Leigh didn’t tell the reader. 

The way that Van Eck’s story and lies all just fell apart bit by bit was beautiful, though. Masterful. Kaz pretending to take Rollins’ son was almost cruel, but he was lying, so it’s ok. I was going to be horrified if he really did it though, but I was also thinking “When would he have had time to do all that anyway?”

Chapter 38. I had been spoiled before even starting the books that Matthais would die. And I had seen a YouTube comment that said “I can’t wait to see Nina and Matthais’ actors do Chapter 40.” I assumed his death happens in Chapter 40. So when I started Chapter 38, I assumed this would be the last time I’d read a chapter in Matthais’ POV. I was wrong of course.

But Matthais’ death gave me nearly the same feelings that Owen Harper’s first death in Torchwood did. It came out of nowhere, right when you think everything is solved and all that’s left to do is go home. Our beloved character talks calmly to the person with the gun, relates to them, tells them they’re more reasonable than to shoot, and then gets shot point blank anyway out of nowhere. “You don’t want to hurt me. I know. I was like you once.” is what Matthais said. “We’re both rational men, scientists. I know you don’t want to shoot her.” is what Owen said as he protected Martha. The main difference is that I wasn’t spoiled for Owen’s death, so it really blindsided me, but he also got revived shortly after. I was spoiled for Matthais’ death right down to the chapter it happens in, but his death was finite. 

And then I think we’re about to lose Kuwei, but Zoya’s able to save him. Matthais shows up, gives us a little hope that he might be ok (but I knew he wouldn’t), and dies in Nina’s arms. Nina attempting to resurrect him ALSO gave me Owen vibes, right down to the black eyes, but that resurrection didn’t stick. God. If I had known Matthais’ death would be so similar to Owen’s... no, I don’t know what I’d do. I can’t tell if I’d have been better off knowing how much it would remind me of Owen ahead of time. Maybe it’s better I didn’t know of the similarities since that made the death worse, despite me knowing it was coming.

Chapter 40 still being in Matthais’ POV, right when I had come to terms ahead of time that Chapter 38 would be the last time I read his narration, came as a real shock. He’s with the wolves in heaven. Ahhhhh. Help. The friends not even knowing how he died makes it even worse.

“We were all supposed to make it.” That’s when I started to let tears fall. I’d really been fighting it. I was like “Hope. You knew this was coming when you started this series. You are fine. You’re fine.” and then Wylan says that and I’m like “I’m not remotely fine.” And Colm telling them to say their goodbyes, and Colm being himself and making me cry with every other line he said anyway, just made more tears fall as they walked up and said goodbye.

I’m glad Nina got Matthais’ share of the money. It breaks my heart that she now has to go and bury him. I’m excited to see what she does in King of Scars or Rule of Wolves (or both, I know she’s in at least one of them) since she’ll hopefully keep up Matthais’ dream of helping the Fjerdans accept Grisha. I was beyond proud of Jesper to be like “I shouldn’t hold that much money right now” and Kaz saying “That’s the right move, Jes” in approval. And of course, Colm and Jesper saying goodbye did nothing but make me cry MORE.

And here we go. The chapter that made me actually cry. Before this, it was just shedding tears and choking a sob or two. Inej’s final chapter made me actually sob and cry so hard that I could barely read the pages through the tears. Kaz really bought her a boat and named it after her. “I don’t know what to say.” “Say you’ll return.” just tear my heart out please.

But what really got the waterworks going was Kaz having Nikolai find Inej’s parents for her. God. The last time a book made me happy cry was The Color Purple, and it was a similar situation. Celie’s sister Nettie returns to her, and I had to fight not to cry when I finished that book while on the train. When I saw the musical version on broadway a few months later, I sobbed so hard with happiness that I cried through the finale, through the curtain call, and kept crying as I walked up the aisle and out the theater. I couldn’t handle how happy I was.

Inej being reuinited with her parents was Celie and Nettie all over again. Now that is some HIGH praise. The Color Purple is one of my favorite books. I cannot give any higher praise to Crooked Kingdom than to compare Inej’s reunion to Celie’s. 

And Kaz being a little concerned that he’d overstepped by doing it, then Inej insisting he come to meet them too was adorable. “Is my tie straight?” And her mom’s shock at finally seeing her daughter again, oh my god. I read this in bed last night at 3am. When that chapter finished, I put the book on my chest and just lied there and sobbed for a full minute. I couldn’t stop right away like I managed to do for the other cries. This cry had to come out and it had to take at least a little bit of time to run its course.

Of course, I’m glad that Inej got to ensure that Rollins never returns to Ketterdam, and I get that having Pekka have the last chapter is a parallel to Six of Crows, but I almost wish the book had just ended when Inej found her family.

I am at 4600 words and still not done, but it’s 2am so I’ll add more thoughts tomorrow evening.

...

That was all from late June. Fast forward almost a month, I’m finally adding to this post.

Something I was worried about when I first started reading Six of Crows was that there was colorism when casting Jesper. Reading that he was described as dark skinned and then looking at Kit Young, I felt a little bit... iffy about it. Because I know, as a mixed person, we get a lot of privilege in Hollywood and are often the only Black people in tv-shows and movies. We benefit from colorism, especially when it comes to mixed women, since light to medium skinned Black actors are often cast instead of dark skinned actors. I spent most of Six of Crows worried that they’d taken the Zemeni character of Jesper, who also happens to be the only Black character, and casted him with a mixed actor. I could tell while reading the book that Kit had played Jesper perfectly, which made me feel a little better, but I still had a bit of discomfort. I was worried it was Rue in the Hunger Games all over again.

However, once it’s hinted that Jesper’s father has some Kaelish heritage, and then we later meet Colm and he’s fully Kaelish with light skin and red hair, I felt much better. I actually felt overjoyed because Jesper was mixed exactly like me. I was relieved that casting Jesper with a mixed actor was not colorism, but a requirement for his character in order to be accurate. I was so relieved and also now I fiercely clung to Jesper as another example of representation for me. On that note, maybe they could have casted him with a darker skinned mixed actor, someone like Alfred Enoch for example, just to give dark skinned mixed people some more representation since Jesper is described as dark and Kit’s skintone is medium. But then again, Kit was definitely the perfect choice since he completely captured Jesper’s character and he said he really identified with Jesper’s mixed heritage being like his own. Basically, I’m very happy that Jesper is a mixed character played by a mixed race actor, and not another example of pure colorism in Hollywood (though that’s still a major issue). I really can’t even complain. I love Jesper and I love Kit’s portrayal.

Honestly, the casting in general for the show was really perfect. I might be biased since I saw the show first, but reading the book I was shocked at how perfectly cast they all were.

I am concerned though about Wylan. He is going to be very hard to cast. Or more accurately, Kuwei’s actor will be tough to cast and will have a very difficult job portraying 2 characters at once. And then I guess whoever gets cast as normal Wylan will have to just deal with barely appearing in Crooked Kingdom. Also, as for Wylan changing race to be disguised as Kuwei... I had some mixed feelings about it at first. I really was like “Leigh... what are you doing with this... be careful...” But then Wylan’s narrative showed him being unsure how to navigate the world looking like he’s Shu, having people come up to him speaking a language he doesn’t speak, and being treated differently because he looks foreign to them, especially since the Shu who were in Ketterdam didn’t have the best intentions. I appreciated that. I like that it opened Wylan’s eyes a bit more because he’d been so sheltered his whole life. Even after living in the Barrel and joining the Crows, there were still things he needed to be exposed to, like racism. So I’m glad the story went in that direction with his tailored face. I’m honestly more excited to see who is cast as Kuwei than who is cast as Wylan because Kuwei’s actor is going to have the more interesting performance. 

I REALLY enjoyed the Six of Crows duology. I sped through the two books in about 3 weeks (I think I read Crooked Kingdom in probably only a week). Honestly, I’m not speeding through King of Scars that same way. It’s a combination of my work life being very chaotic for the last few weeks, and me being so devastated that Nikolai’s back to having the shadow monster that I almost don’t want to read on. I was beyond devastated when that happened in Ruin and Rising, I thought he’d never be ok again, then I was relieved when it went away. Now that it’s back... I’m just incredibly sad every second that I read this book. I’m nearly halfway through the book though, after the same amount of time it took me to read both Crows books, so we’ll see where it goes.

But I could not put the Crows books down while I read them if you paid me. Literally. I read during every single lunch break at work and was probably a few minutes late coming back because I’d want to finish the page. I stayed up late reading and reading and reading the books. I read on the ferry, I read in the car, I read during times that I’d usually spend watching TV shows or movies. These books were amazing. They destroyed me emotionally, in both happy and sad ways. I can’t get over them. I can’t wait to see them brought to life in the show.

[bre-meister]

So, I just watched the first 3 episodes of Fate: The Winx Saga and I know I don’t usually talk about Winx on this blog but... girl gotta put her thoughts somewhere. This show was my childhood and Netflix really said “Fuck it”.

 I’ll leave it under the cut so if you wanna stay for this rant, feel free

 I went into this knowing I would hate it and, honestly, I do and I don’t

 I think it is an absolute shit dumpster fire of an adaptation that someone poured gasoline on and then tried to lite on fire with Bloom’s inconsistent control issues and shit just got even worse 

But, this could have been a fairly decent show If it was a stand alone- It had no need to be attached to the Winx name because it really is not Winx

There are some problems I had with it that everyone had before the show even dropped - The whitewashing and lack of diversity, the atrocious outfits, the lack of wings (“We evolved” that’s fucking bullshit y’all know good and well that part of the fun of the OG show was the new transformations and the outfits and we can’t even have that)

Also there is def technology here so why the FUCK do we not have Tecna? She’s the straight laced girl of the group but at the same time I feel like she could have added some much needed levity 

And my girl would have told it like it is. Sometimes these people (not the Winx because they are NOT the Winx) do dumb shit for the sake of doing dumb shit and Tecna would never have allowed this!

Combining the Trix into one person is still iffy for me, like I get why they did it but I just don’t think it has the same effect as having the three of them

Sometimes she gives me Icy vibes and most of the time she gives me Darcy vibes and almost never she gives me Stormy vibes (even though her powers are most like Stormy) and that shit just gives me whiplash

 I also think that having the witches at cloud tower provided the original show with this great idea of “even though we use dark magic and are considered witches we still make the choice ourselves as to whether or not we use that magic for good or for evil” but then again I might be reading into it too much who knows 

It’s bad enough they had to go and make Aisha the token black character but then they also make her this mean, black woman caricature (and I know it stems from her frustration that she can’t do this one thing perfect but still, as a black young woman who has seen black women portrayed like this constantly it is damaging as hell)

On that note - why did they have to make the one black and overall minority girl the control freak? Idk it just doesn’t really sit right with me

Speaking of jealousy...we gotta talk about Stella

 I know this is supposed to be more realistic and grown up and ya, I get it, girls can be catty but dude, Stella WOULD NEVER

THIS Stella endangered Bloom on PURPOSE because she was Jealous and then she really wanted to dipp on her in the woods after Bloom was trying to help her get back HER ring she shouldn’t have given her in the first place all cause she was a bit scared? Even scared Stella in the original show wouldn’t have done that! Would she have complained? YES! But she wouldn’t be so quick to give up

Need I remind everyone that she almost drained herself completely trying to protect her friends in the Omega Dimension from the Ice Snakes and only stopped because Musa was like “Stella, your hurting yourself. Take a break everyone will be ok”

And this shit show wants me to believe that these are the saem people? I think not!

 So I’m only on episode 3 but I can already tell that whatever they’re trying to say happened with Rickie is not what actually happened and that whole storyline is just super annoying like bro, there better be a good ass reason why she is pretending to be such a terrible person and I just don’t trust this show to be that creative 

This thing between her and sky is so confusing and makes like, no sense

Moving on...

I love Sam, he is so sweet and cute and amazing 

 His introduction “uh...I’m Sam...what’s up” made me laugh my ass off and I can’t even tell you why

Truly I love him but at the same time...he’s kinda getting in between Musa and Riven

 Like I get that their relationship was not the best at all (and this Riven has even more problems which was kinda unnecessary cause he already had SO MANY!) but at the same time when we’ve only got the opportunity to have 2 of the original couples like... I’m gonna need this show to give me something 

Riven - I loved him in the original show because he always had so many issues but then season 4 rolled around and he was genuinely trying to become a better person. And to have the guts to realize later that he was not ok and that he had to leave to figure that out? Respectable. I recognize that this dude had issues (and that Musa deserved better) but I respected him by the end of his journey

THIS Riven? He can eat shit. I know this is kinda supposed to be the whole Darcy arc he had in the first season or whatever but at least then he was being mind controlled to a certain extent which explained a lot of why he was doing what he was. But this dude is just an overall douche. 

Isn’t he supposed to be Bi? Internalized homophobia is amazing guys we definitely want more of that - -  (just to be clear that was sarcasm)

And I know this contradicts my wanting him and Musa to be together but I think that these two things go hand in hand

I hate that they upped his issues by 100000x because I legit want them to be together and have a genuinely good, functional relationship

But Sam is precious and should be protected

So now Terra

Honestly I think making her say “I have a cousin named Flora” only made the whitewashing more obvious and worse. If they seriously wanted to go this route they should have just committed and not brought Flora’s name into this at all. We the fans are not idiots Netflix! We know what you did!!

This might just be a more personal thing but I kinda feel like they made her entire personality (at least this far) only about her being plus size 

And this was FAR more prevalent in the few chapters from the book I could stomach to read

And wasn’t that their defense for whitewashing? That they wanted to have more inclusion in body types?

You can have a plus size character and not make almost 90% of their screen time about them being self conscious about their body- Like this legit seems to be almost 99% of the reason she’s socially awkward

Again, if you’re going to commit, COMMIT! Show her being ok in her own body and her own skin. Let’s fight against the same culture that makes this character feel self conscious

As far as Musa goes... still don’t really like that they changed her powers 

I guess they thought her new ones would be more useful in a more “practical” setting but um... they haven’t been? Not really?

I know she said she’s not a human lie detector but... they show keeps making her one whenever it’s convenient 

I guess they thought her new ones would be more useful in a more “practical” setting but um... they haven’t been? Not really?

 I still don’t understand why they have to sneak around but, idk maybe they’ll explain it later ( like I get that Sam is Terra’s bro but Musa and Terra don’t even know eachother like that for this drama to be such a big deal)

Bloom is alright

That’s all I have to say about her

Her mom though?

Idk why she was acting the way she was, Just why?

Not her making fun of Bloom going to antique shops when Vanessa owns a literal FLOWER SHOP in the original show!

I will say though, “This basic bitch will pull out her PhD and take you to school. Every comeback is another week without your door. Hit me.” with that confidence? BEST LINE IN THE SHOW!

She had my support for like .5 sec there

“Slam the door, loose the door” she was on some Black mother shit right there - the amount of time my mom has threatened me with this? 

It wasn’t even a threat it was a promise

Sky seems to be the most in character but then again the bar isn’t set too high

Why are the teachers so fucking shady? And are there only 3 professors in this giant ass school?? (I say that knowing there were only, like 4 in the original - 5 if we count Daphnee)

It also took me a min to realize that they kinda combined Feragonda and Griselda into one person. I don’t really like it that much

 I still don’t understand why they had to strip Aisha and Sky of their titles. I felt like that added so much to their characters - Aisha felt the need to be so perfect because she was a princess and Sky had all these increasing obligation through the show that would create conflict (sometimes it was stupid but still)

Also for a show about they Winx they sure as hell don’t spend that much time together 

They got their name in the FIRST EPISODE of the original show. It’s been 3 and the only mention of “Winx” was a quick pan of the door label for their suite. Blink and you missed it

And they seem to keep flip flopping between being best friends to being indifferent to each other, to “I don’t really know you” to sometimes hating each other (the emotion flop is mainly Stella but the others seem to have some weird ranges as well)

From a technical standpoint this show has some weird choices

 Sometimes cuts will just ...happen? Especially during actions scenes sometimes it’s hard to make sense of what’s happening 

And all the fight scenes - especially the training scenes - just seem so rehearsed it hard to watch

and why does Riven keep flip flopping between the worst specialist and a great one?

The utter lack of creativity in terms of the technology and weapons and even just the representation of the magic in this show is sad

The Original was so magical and colorful It was always obvious that this was a different dimension

I feel like I could legit go to Switzerland and find a place just like this and it wouldn’t be anything super different or weird

I also still don’t get why earth can’t know? Are we just gonna pretend that the Earth fairies and Believix and the Wizards of the Black Circle just... didn’t happen?

If this person that Beatrix is working for isn’t Lord Darkar or Valtor like...idk what to do

Again I would just like to stress that this show did not need to be an adaptation

 In fact it really isn’t I don’t know what they hell they are adapting cause this is NOT Winx and I cannot stress enough just how utterly wrong this felt while watching it

 All most of the characters have the same names but they are not the same people at all - no where close

Also can I just say, Sky’s hair seemed so different (length, part, style) almost every other scene sometimes I would legit have to sit back and be like “this is the same actor right?”

 Speaking of I’d like to finish this off by saying: absolutely no hate to the actors and actresses - I can see they are doing their best with what they have been given and most of the more controversial decisions were not made by them 

I will say I did think that linking Fairy magic to emotion was a good touch - idk if they did this in the Original show or not. I can’t remember 

So far this show...

As and adaptation:

words cannot describe how bad it is

As a stand alone property:

 I mean, it’s noting amazing or truly different but I’ve definitely seen worse 

I’ll probably make another one of these for the last 3 episodes. I could literally get 0 notes on this and still do it anyway. Sometimes you really just gotta rant

[deuynndoodles]

read on ao3 or click read more!

suspicion increase by deuynndrabbles and @whimsicalweast chapter summary:

Three kids have a sleepover. One word- Mabel.

“Seriously, Mabel?” The boy groans, and looks at his sister with The Look.

“Yes, seriously,” she says, in a tone that is anything but serious.

3k | ch. two

Danny is currently curled up in a rainbow blanket (given to him by the boy, but he mentioned it was knitted by Mabel- he doesn’t necessarily need it because of his ice powers, and therefore likes the cold, but he figures it’d be weird to refuse) in the attic, aka the twins’ bedroom.

He glances over to Mabel, who is currently laying on her bed coloring in a coloring book on her belly with her feet in the air, her tongue sticking out playfully, he starts to reflect on what landed him in this spot in the first place.

(Danny accidentally mentioned he didn’t have anywhere to go that night, and Mabel had none of that and scooped him up, dragging him to another room in the Mystery Shack and asking her great uncle if Danny could stay over for the night.

The older man didn’t seem to care all that much, only giving them a few warnings such as “Don’t stay up too late”, and “Never let Mabel have any Smiley Dip”, and “Don’t raise the dead again”.

Danny found everything he mentioned fairly standard sleepover rules.

The two children thanked the man, one certainly more enthusiastic than the other, and Mabel rushed up the stairs, hopping each stair two at a time, gripping Danny with her right arm.

Mabel’s brother didn’t seem quite as eager to have Danny over as Mabel was, but remained quiet throughout the process for the most part. Well, he did reprimand his sister for inviting over a stranger, which was a reasonable response. But. He was right here, jeez.

All Mabel did was blow a raspberry at him and told him not to worry, but her brother didn’t calm.)

Still feeling the kid’s gaze focused on the back of his head, Danny pulls out his phone and dials two very familiar numbers, one to a specific techno-geek and the other to a goth activist, but is only met with “The person you are trying to reach is currently unavailable, please call back later or leave a message at the beep.”

He sighs, dropping his phone back into his jeans pocket and gives the twins a smile, saying, “I’ll try again in the morning. It is kinda late, anyways. And who knows how late it is for them in Illinois.”

Mabel gives him a wide grin and nods her head, but her brother just gives him an uncertain glance before returning to the journal in his hands. It looks fairly odd to Danny, a red cover with a six fingered hand slapped on the front and a bold number 2 in the center. But he’s not one to judge.

(So now here he is, kidnapped by a thirteen-year-old girl, staying in the attic of a tourist trap wrapped in a multitude of blankets in between two twin beds.)

He still feels as if he’s gotten whiplash from this whole scenario. But he just pulls up the blanket draped around his shoulders to cover his cheeks, content with the situation as well as he can be.

Mabel is now laying on her back, placing her bare feet on the slanted ceiling. Her brother is still scouring his journal, with two other identical covers sitting on his bedside table. He’s chewing on the end of the pencil he holds, occasionally pausing to write a thing or two in the margins. Their pig, deemed ‘Waddles’, is snuggled up to Mabel on her bed.

Danny himself is in a make-shift nest (no matter what you call it, Mabel will say it’s a bed, but Danny will call it a nest) surrounded by a various amount of blankets and pillows.

“By the way, what do ya like to do, Danny?” Mabel says, her tongue stuck out quite dorkishly and she grins a wide brace-filled grin at the boy.

Danny blinks, and then the audio forms itself into words in his brain. “Video games, I guess?” He says, tilting his head slightly and the blanket falls back onto his shoulders. “I don’t have a whole lot of free time.”

(Danny doesn’t share the reasons for this.)

“Cool!” Mabel draws out the syllable, and flips over onto her belly again and props her arms up on her pillow. She turns to glance at her brother. “Hey, bro-bro? Do we have any video games in the shack?”

The small teen furrows his brow. “I don’t think so,” he mutters, setting the book in his lap aside on his bedside table to join the two other identical volumes. “Soos probably has some, but for now I think we just have board games downstairs in the gift shop.”

Mabel gasps, and smirks. “How about Candyland?” Mabel grins, and her brother groans.

“Fine,” he says. “You okay with that, Danny?”

Danny shrugs, and says, “I don’t really care, to be honest.”

Mabel takes the neutral answer and grins even wider, sliding off her bed with an “oomph” and trotting downstairs to retrieve said board game.

The brunet on the bed sighs and looks over to Danny, who simply blinks at him in confusion. “What?” Danny says, and the boy tentatively offers a slip of paper attached to a clipboard along with the pencil he was chewing on to him.

“Can you write some things down on Phantom?”

(Danny is suddenly reminded of the fact that he had agreed to hunt essentially himself- his brain hasn’t quite caught up and he’s sure he’ll bolt up in the middle of the night and go “I’m hunting myself with two thirteen-year-olds”.

But he hasn’t quite comprehended this fact yet.)

Instead, Danny grimaces at the chewed and slightly wet pencil, but takes the clipboard and starts to write in slanted print anway.

After a few minutes, he offers the paper back to the boy, and he starts to read the text out loud. Danny rolls his eyes at this. (He knows what the paper says, thank you very much.)

“Phantom’s a pretty friendly ghost. He’d save people from oncoming ghost attacks back in my hometown. Nobody really knows where he’s from or how old he is-”

(It’s not like Danny’s going to go and share his life story to this kid he doesn’t even know the name of. Besides, it’s technically the truth. Excluding a certain trio, a sister, and a whole world of ghosts.)

“-or how he died, but they never can find out because Phantom is fairly elusive. He typically stays in his own haunt, so it’s unlikely you’ll see him anywhere else.” The boy pauses his reading, glancing up from the paper to meet sky blue eyes with hazelnut brown. “This is all you know?” He says, shaking the scrap of notebook paper.

The door is slammed open to reveal an excited Mabel with a decorated cardboard box in her hands. (To be honest, both boys had pretty much forgotten she was downstairs.)

“Who’s ready to play Candyland?” She exclaims, and doesn’t wait for an answer before she plops down on the wooden floor and sets up the game.

“I get red!” Mabel says, and picks up the piece that is now ‘hers’ and sets it by the start. She grabs a blue and sticks it by the start as well. “Danny, which color do you want?” She shakes the green and the yellow gingerbread man figures, a wide grin still adorning her face.

“Green.”

Mabel shoves the yellow one back in the box. “Poor yellow guy, he’ll be all lonely in there. Well, we’ll make it quick!” She grins, and offers the deck of cards over to her brother who shuffles and sets it down next to the board.

The first card is a purple, and Mabel decides that she goes first and moves the red figure. Danny goes next, and takes an arm out of his blanket nest and moves his character five blocks forward.

Approximately fifteen minutes later, the yellow man is reunited with his best friends after Mabel yells “I win!” and flips the board over in victory.

(For a quick second, Danny is reminded of when Sam would brag whenever she’d win the round of Doom they all played together, slamming the controller down on the couch and announcing her victory to two sour boys.

Though of course, this girl is the complete opposite of Sam so he isn’t really sure why he thinks of her.)

“Seriously, Mabel?” The boy groans, and looks at his sister with The Look.

“Yes, seriously,” she says, in a tone that is anything but serious.

Danny snickers, and stops as he sees Mabel’s wide grin as she believes Danny is on her side.

(He’s neutral.)

-

“Anyway, let’s focus on Phantom,” Dipper says, and pulls out the slip of paper that Danny filled out. He reads it out loud again to his twin, and she smiles as she listens.

She seems to almost deflate like a balloon when he mentions that they might not see Phantom, but when Dipper thinks of that night last week of seeing a bright light above the trees at just before sunrise-

He’s pretty sure they’ll see Phantom.

And besides, Danny’s parents are ghost hunters so he knows a couple things. They’re bound to find something.

“Though you guys could probably find a bunch of animal ghosts and stuff in the woods. Seemed pretty supernatural to me,” Danny throws out, and glances up at the twins.

Suddenly, Mabel’s balloon is filled with helium again and she sits up straight with an excited expression. “That sounds sweet,” she says, drawing out the last syllable annoyingly long and Dipper groans on the inside.

But he can’t say he isn’t excited, because he definitely is. He just doesn’t show it as much as the girl does. His heart is still beating fast, and a grin adorns his face. He just doesn’t flail his limbs around like Mabel is currently doing, hammering questions about ghosts at Danny, while the boy looks at the floor and responds with short, concise answers.

‘Yeah,’ Dipper thinks. ‘Let’s do this.’

And then Mabel hits him over the head with a pillow from Danny’s nest, knocking his snapback off his head and he turns to glare at her.

“C’mon, lil’ bro! It’s sleepover time! We can focus on those ghostie thingies tomorrow!”

Dipper abstains from responding, but he thinks ‘You were just asking Danny a bunch of questions about them’ as Dipper tugs his hat back on.

“Now, let’s paint your nails, boys!”

She lifts a few bottles of nail polish in her hands and a smirk adorns her face.

Danny groans, and says, “Ugh, fine. But I want black.”

(He’s still thinking of Sam and Tucker.)

Dipper soon has rainbow nail polish smothered over his fingers, carefully painted and Danny has all black nails and toes. (Danny found it hard to object to that puppy-dog-eyes face when she begged to paint his toes.)

“Who’s ready for makeup?” Mabel smiles, opening a drawer.

“Uh, no,” Danny deadpans, “I didn’t agree to this.” Dipper falls over onto his bed with a groan.

-

If Mabel didn’t notice her brother’s clear discomfort from this entire situation, she’d call herself blind.

She believes that she knows Dipper better than he knows himself, and now is just proof of that. Danny’s examining his makeup in the mirror, and Mabel watches Dipper fiddle with the pen in his hand unconsciously, spinning it around. He stares down at the hardwood floor as if it’s the most interesting thing in the world with brown hair falling into his eyes.

Dipper has a tendency to avoid things that makes him uneasy, so it makes sense he’s quiet throughout the sleepover. Not that he was ever really that loud in the first place; Dipper usually waits until attention is diverted away from him so he blends into the background when he’s wary of anything.

Or anyone.

Dipper has never been a social butterfly like Mabel, and she doesn’t blame him for that. He still tries. . . Well, at least he used to. Ever since their last summer at Gravity Falls, he seems so different, so closed off.

With everything that occurred last summer, he’s grown even more distrustful of people in general, and she can’t blame him for this either. (She still feels guilty about what she said to him when they were trapped in that ideal world, paradise, but was really just a trap. She was too blind to see, and she has Dipper to thank for ever getting out of there.)

It makes sense, after all.

(A small part of her blames this mysterious town for what it’s done, who’s really responsible for this shift in Dipper’s personality, and Gravity Falls no longer has him haunting the streets but that voice still echoes in her brother’s head.)

Mabel knows that Dipper doesn’t particularly trust Danny yet. She’s still trying though, okay? Games, makeovers, icebreakers; nothing seems to work for them. The two could get along so well if they just talk to each other! (Danny seems down to get to know her brother, but it doesn’t go the other way and she hates it.)

It really irritates her, how she can’t do anything to get Dipper to trust Danny.

She huffs to herself, pulling out another packet of blush and sticking it in the other makeup she holds in her arms.

Mabel knows that she can’t force him to get closer to the teen, or Dipper’ll just shut them both out, which wouldn’t do either of them any good. He may not be sure of Danny, but Mabel just knows he’s nice.

Mabel likes to think she’s a good judge of character, and she’s gotten better at it in the past year. Danny has yet to make her suspicious, so that’s positive!

Besides, there’s no way he’s one of those annoying gnomes, or a vampire, or anything else. He wouldn’t have been able to get through the weirdness barrier if that was the case.

(Though she knows this, she finds herself checking his eyes as she smothers makeup over his face. Just to make sure.)

She definitely cares about her brother, there’s not doubt about that. But Danny had nowhere else to stay! She couldn’t just leave him to the wolves, or even worse, the crazy town members. After Danny mentioned he had to go, he just seemed so lonely and that wouldn’t do!

Even if Dipper doesn’t like Danny, he has to understand why she’s doing this.

She does want them to get along, but she can’t just throw them into a closet together. (last time she did that with Dipper- well, there were some unforeseen occurrences.) She can’t force them to be friends. So for now, she’ll just try to lighten the mood. Try to have fun, it is a sleepover after all!

There has to be some way to get them to talk to each other and she’s gonna find out how.

-

“Hey, Dipper, you good?”

Dipper has a full face of makeup, the makeup surprisingly working pretty well on both Danny and himself. “I’m fine,” he says, and it’s true. Mabel can be annoying at some times but he still loves her.

“Dipper?” Danny questions, and Mabel immediately responds.

“Yup! It’s his nickname because of a birthmark he got on his forehead!” She gets a little closer to Danny, and stage whispers, “It's the Big Dipper.”

“Mabel!” Dipper exclaims, feeling his ears reddening.

“What?” Mabel shrugs. “He was wondering.”

“No, I was double-checking to see if that was his name.”

Dipper turns to glare at Mabel, and then calms. “Yeah, uh, my name’s Dipper.”

“Do you really have the Big Dipper on your forehead, though?” Danny asks, and it’s a fair question, but it still slightly irritates Dipper.

Dipper nods, and wipes the makeup off his face and grabs his cap from the ground (Mabel had thrown it off to make it easier to apply makeup), steadying it on his head once again.

“Cool,” Danny says, sounding genuine, and Dipper pauses. He was almost expecting him to laugh at Dipper for it. “Space is awesome, I think it’d be cool to have a space birthmark or something.”

“Um, thanks.” Dipper says, and glances at the floor. 

(He thinks of how familiar Danny feels, not for the first time that night. He still can't place why, though.)

Stan pops in, slamming the door open. “Kids, get ready for bed. Your Grunkle wants to be able to watch babies fight without the ruckus above his head.”

Dipper finds himself yawning, and nods in agreement.

“C’mon, Grunkle Stan! It’s a sleepover,” Mabel argues, and Stan shakes his head, arms crossed.

“Lights off in five,” Stan says, and it sounds odd coming from such a gruff voice.

“Okay, Grunkle Stan,” the twins say in unison, Mabel’s in disappointment and Dipper’s with agreement.

Despite her craziness a few minutes ago, as soon as Mabel’s head hits the pillow she’s out like a light. Dipper watches Danny curl up in a ball on the floor, his head facing away, and his eyes start to droop.

He falls asleep.

-

Danny is left the last awake, with Mabel snoring and Dipper exhaling softly on his bed. He’s curled into a ball, The blanket essentially a cocoon around him, and he gazes out the open window. The window lets in soft chilly air from the summer night, but Mabel and Dipper are both curled up tight in their blankets so they don’t notice.

Danny slides his blankets off, instead settling them into a mattress shape and curls into a ball again on the fluffy floor.

He still gazes out the open window, watching the waxing moon gently shine through the panes of glass and make pretty shapes on the floor. It’s serene, and there’s no sound except for breathing in the room.

The halfa sighs, tracing a circle in the floor as a stim as he watches the moon. He isn’t sure how he’ll get home if he can’t contact his friends, but he hopes they’ll be awake in the morning.

He finds himself yawning, and eventually drifts to sleep.

[blakemetothemoon]

Love in a Laundromat - SaifahZon, T, Ch. 2/?

Summary: Zon's favorite place is a laundromat. That is until a certain tall, handsome stranger steals his washer and seems hellbent on making Zon miserable.

Notes: Chapter 2! Unexpected Zon Angst! This is lookin’ like it’ll be longer than 4 chapters now oops

Read below or on ao3! :)

“You one hundred percent overreacted,” Tutor says after Zon recounts the whole encounter at the laundromat the night before.

It’s Friday afternoon and they’re doing their usual study session. The two of them are in different majors, but Zon struggles with some general studies and Tutor appreciates Zon’s company when studying gets too heavy and he needs Zon to make him laugh.

“It’s a washing machine, Zon.”

“Yeah, but I alw—”

“If you say ‘always’ one more time,” Tutor says, gaze steady and scary, “then I’m never tutoring you again.”

Zon’s mouth slams shut.

“And even though you're complaining, I know you're feeling guilty so just apologize to him,” Tutor continues, returning his attention to the math notes he’s reviewing. “You’re good at it because you have to do it so often.”

Zon huffs and pouts. What Tutor says is true. Zon is stubborn and childish, but he knows when he’s messed up. Apologies aren’t easy but he always feels worse if he doesn’t do them.

“Who knows if I’ll even see him again?” Zon mumbles, twirling his pen around his fingers. “That tall asshole giraffe might be scared off.”

For some reason that makes Tutor perk up. “How tall was he?”

Zon’s nose scrunches as he thinks back. “I don’t know? Like, 192 cm?”

“Was he handsome?”

The guy’s face instantly flashes through Zon’s mind. Not that it ever left. It’s annoying, actually, how he couldn’t stop thinking about that stupid, cocky smirk, that taunting eyebrow raise, those nice arms and pretty lips and—

“Definitely not,” Zon snaps back but can’t top the tip of his ears from turning red.

Tutor gives him a look that says he doesn’t believe him. “Did he tell you his name?"

“No. Why?”

The sudden mischievous glint in Tutor’s eye puts Zon on edge. “No reason. Oh, if you want to apologize you should buy him an iced coffee with cinnamon and vanilla syrup."

Then, before Zon can ask what the hell he’s talking about, Tutor uses the I’m-never-tutoring-you-again threat a second time and flicks Zon in the forehead to prove he’s serious.

*

The next Thursday, Zon arrives a little later than normal. He's decided to take Tutor's advice (like he always does) and stopped by the nearest coffee shop. He's partially hoping Tall Asshole Giraffe won't be there, but when Zon steps up to the door and sees the back of the guy's head, his heart skips a beat. Zon has to turn away to calm himself down, then it takes a good minute to psyche himself up again.

Juggling a laundry basket and a large iced coffee while opening the door is an unexpected challenge. Zon steps backwards, preparing to push it with his shoulder, when it suddenly opens. Zon’s balance is thrown off, but a hand, large and warm, catches his lower back and steadies him before he can fall.

Zon looks to see who caught him and immediately goes back to unsteady.

"Careful,” Tall Asshole Giraffe says, “or you'll throw laundry everywhere again." 

Zon sputters. Tall Asshole Giraffe is so close that Zon's back hits the door when he jumps away.

"Don't make fun of me!"

Now at least Zon is annoyed enough to feel less stupid about the coffee. He shoves the drink into the guy's chest.

"Here!"

Tall Asshole Giraffe hesitantly takes the drink, staring at it with utter confusion. "What's this for?"

"It's an apology." Zon shuffles from one foot to the next. His grip on his basket is starting to shake but he forces himself to look at the other's face. "Sorry for yelling at you last week."

The guy goes speechless for only half a second, but it’s long enough for Zon to feel proud he isn’t the one caught off guard for once.

“Is it poisoned?” Tall Asshole Giraffe asks.

“No!” Zon says, louder than he means to. “I don’t know how to poison things!”

With that Zon shoves his way forward, purposely putting his laundry basket between them so they don’t touch. He storms over towards his usual washer. Annoyance is already rising because he knows the asshole is probably using it.

Except the machine currently shaking and buzzing isn’t Zon’s; it’s the one next to it, placed between his and the wall.

“Wait…,” Zon says and swirls around, sneakers squeaking. He stabs a finger towards his washer, currently not in use. “Why aren’t you using my...this machine?”

Tall Asshole Giraffe shrugs and takes a sip of his drink. His eyes light up like a puppy. Guess Tutor’s input on the coffee order had been bang on. “I thought about it, but you seem to have a powerful connection to it.”

“What the hell, don’t make it weird!”

“Hey, hey, I get it, promise. We all have something like that.” Tall Asshole Giraffe takes another drink and smirks around the straw. “It was pretty fun to make you mad, though.”

The smirk sends Zon somewhere between angry and swooning. The childish side takes over and he yanks open the washer’s door, pointedly ignoring the laugh his annoyed, puffed out cheeks earn him.

It isn't until Zon is shoving his clothes into his washing machine that Tall Asshole Giraffe says, "I’m Saifah, by the way.”

‘Saifah’ is a much... nicer name than Tall Asshole Giraffe. Zon nods, trying to be casual despite the way his goddam heart jumps again at the new information. “I’m Zon.”

"I know."

Zon turns his head so fast he's pretty sure he gets whiplash. "You know?"

"You're Tutor's friend."

"I am?” Zon shakes his head, trying to get his bearings back and not sound like a complete moron. “I mean, yeah, I am. And you...You know Tutor?"

“We’re pretty close since we're in the same major.”

That gives Zon pause. Saifah... now that he’s heard it, that name does sound familiar. Then why hadn’t Saifah introduced himself the first two times they met, if he knew who Zon was? And why didn’t Tutor...

Zon glances at the coffee in Saifah's hand. Iced with vanilla syrup and cinnamon.

Oh, that little shit. Tutor is about to get fifteen texts. They will be single, angry emojis, and Zon hopes they wake Fighter up so that Tutor has to deal with his grumpy ass.

Saifah rests his shoulder against the empty machine next to Zon's. Even leaning like that, Saifah's a head taller than Zon. A mischievous glimmer makes Saifah’s eyes damn near sparkly. "I've seen you around."

Zon’s mouth drops open and his cheeks are going to be permanently stained red at this point. He starts to stutter out some response that was about to be far from eloquent. But then Saifah raises the iced coffee to his mouth again and holds Zon’s gaze as he wraps his lips around the straw—

Music suddenly bursts from Zon's pocket. Zon has never been more grateful for a phone call in his life.

Of course, Saifah quirks a smile when Zon fumbles to answer it without even checking the caller ID.

Then the voice on the other end says Zon’s name and he very much wishes he had checked it.

“Hi, Mom,” Zon replies.

“Your sister mentioned you updated your story yesterday.”

Welp, straight to the point like Mom always was.

Did you even read the chapter? Zon thinks. But he bites the words back like he always does. He used to ask but the answers have been, “I didn’t have time” or “It’s not the genre I enjoy” for so long, it’s pointless to hope for a different answer now. 

“Mom, it’s late,” Zon groans. Sometimes he wishes he hadn’t inherited his mother’s night owl tendencies. If he hadn’t, he would be sleeping right now and not having this repetitive conversation they've had a hundred times before. “Do we need to do this right now?”

“Don’t try to hang up on me. I know you do laundry on Thursday nights and that laundromat is always empty, so I know you’re alone.”

Zon’s eyes shift to Saifah before he can stop himself. Zon is half-expecting to make eye contact with Saifah and his heart speeds up at the possibility, but the other boy is playing a game on his phone. Whatever’s happening must be challenging, because there’s a crease in his brow and his lips are pursed in a pout. Zon can’t stop staring at it, wondering what else Saifah’s lips can do—

“Zon!”

“Uh, yes!”

Oh, great. Now Saifah is looking at him. Zon blushes so hot he can’t even offer an awkward smile before turning away.

“Are you listening?” his mom demands instead of asks.

“Yes,” Zon says again and sighs. “Mom—”

“Honey,” his mom interrupts, “I know you enjoy writing, but you need to focus on your studies.”

And there it is. Only one minute, forty-three seconds in, according to the call time when Zon glances at it. Top three quickest times. Impressive.

“You’re going to law school because you’re good at arguing.” His mother laughs like her pride at that part of Zon should soothe away the sting of her words. “Focus on your strengths, alright? The semester is almost over, so you’ll have plenty of time for...” She hums, searching for the right term, “hobbies then.”

A hobby. That’s all they want Zon’s writing to be. That’s all they believe it ever can be.

Not like his sister. Zol is popular. Her stories get millions of views and she can run ads on them and she’s already making an impressive amount of money. The comments are always positive and “can’t wait for more.” His parents share links to her stories on facebook. When Zon goes home for dinner a few times a month, the conversation is always Zol describing the next chapter or where she gets inspiration from. He loves his sister. For siblings so close in age, they get along better than most. Sure, they bicker and Zol tattles on him more than she should, but they would go to the ends of the earth for each other. But it still hurts, knowing his parents are so enthusiastic about her writing when they haven’t bothered reading a chapter of anything Zon’s written in, what, two years?

And Zon doesn’t dare to bring up to his mom and dad about how he’s writing lyrics now and even sings made-up melodies sometimes. Both of his parents are musicians and Zon’s heart can’t handle the inevitable disappointment when they tell him his songwriting and singing should remain a “hobby,” too.

“Okay,” Zon finally replies. Somehow he manages to keep his voice from shaking. All he wants is for this conversation to be over. “Yeah, I understand. Love you, too. Goodnight.”

Zon’s finger is still lingering over the screen of his phone when Saifah asks, “You okay?”

Zon jolts. He forgot he isn’t alone. And he has tears in the corners of his eyes. And he’s seriously about to fucking cry in a laundromat in front of someone like Saifah who is probably judging him.

Shit, ever since Saifah appeared, Zon’s done nothing but embarrass himself.

Though it’s not like Zon’s life was anything but an embarrassment before.

A deep breath, then two. Zon wipes the tears away with the sleeve of his t-shirt. He quickly bends down to grab his headphones and notebook out of his bag, then settles down onto the bench without a single glance Saifah's way.

“Yeah, I'm fine," Zon says. He clears his throat. "Thanks though.”

There’s a moment of silence where Zon wonders if Saifah will make fun of him like he’s done the last two times they met. Zon really doesn’t think he can handle it and he just apologized for yelling at Saifah, he really doesn’t want to do it again. But his mother’s words have made him feel cornered and on edge, and he always lashes out when this happens.

Saifah picks up on Zon’s mood and doesn’t press the topic further. With soft eyes and a nod, he leans back against the wall, one long leg crossing over the other. He busies himself with something else on his phone and leaves Zon to his music and notepad.

Except Zon’s notepad taunts him. When he tries to scribble words, nothing comes except more tears blurring his vision. Each stroke of his pen adds to the pressure on Zon’s chest. An unrelenting tightness that makes it difficult to breathe, makes him want to run and hide away forever.

Zon spends the rest of the night with his notebook shut tight in his lap and tries to drown his thoughts in music until the dryer finally signals it’s done.

[txladyj-blog]

This Time Around - Chapter 15

A Daryl Dixon x OFC collaboration written by @xmistressmistrustx​ by request of @txladyj-blog​

Rating: Explicit

Relationship: Daryl Dixon/Original Female Character

Tags: Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Awkwardness, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Crush, Fluff and Humor, Angst and Humor, Mild Smut, Strong Language, Eventual Sex, Eventual Romance, Slow Burn, Canon Divergence, Some Canon Scenes and Dialogue

Chapters 23/?

With the help of Deanna and Michonne, Rick devised a guard and runs roster that seemed to run like a well-oiled machine on a weekly rotating basis. Those with similar skills were paired up with each other and assigned specific duties and tasks outside the walls. Having hunting, tracking and Walker fighting skills, Jess found herself paired up with Daryl at least once a week when he wasn’t out recruiting. It was a result that had left her with mixed feelings. When she was around him, she would cycle between pure irritation and an icy attitude and playful mocking while trying to hide the fact that underneath it all and no matter how difficult she could sometimes present as, she did enjoy spending time with him. Sometimes, it was like it used to be back at the quarry when they joked and Daryl tried and failed to hide his small smiles. Those moments were changing things and Jess’s guard was very gradually lowering but for the most part, she was confusing and standoffish.

Daryl never gave up his efforts to chip away at Jess’s defiance. He could see it glimmering through when she threw shade at him and giggled when he screwed something up. He let her simmer at him and tolerated her moods because she was there, the old Jess, shoved into the dark and repressed but she was most certainly still present and he wanted nothing more than to see her again.

Glenn’s idea of gathering more military grade supplies and armour to match Jess's meant Rick tasked Daryl and Jess with visiting an abandoned military outpost used as a safe zone at the start of the turn. Upon scouting the area himself, he reported back that the ground was scattered with dead soldiers wearing all manner of useful clothing and the inside of the fences may well contain medication or weapons if it hadn’t already been picked clean. Both Jess and Daryl agreed without question and Deanna threw Jess the keys to a pickup truck.

“I’m driving” Jess announced as she flung open the truck’s door in the wispy rain. Her hood was up and her mask obscured her face. Daryl carried his crossbow by the stirrup and rolled his eyes in plain view of Jess, who was sitting in the driver’s seat.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me. We both know you can’t drive stick.” She told him.

“I'm a redneck, course I can drive stick” He mumbled, climbing up into the passenger side and depositing his crossbow on the back seat.

“You almost burned the gearbox out and gave me whiplash the last time. Stick to what you’re good at. Y’know, hunting, smoking and looking angry as shit all the time.” She turned the key and brought the engine to life, switching up the windscreen wipers to a low pace. Dust was smeared across the glass before it was finally washed away by the rain.

“Fine one to talk.” He rasped, slouching down in his seat and thudding his boots up on the dash.

“Excuse me?” She questioned.

“You. Always lookin’ at me like ya gonna cloud up n’ rain on me.” He braced himself for what would undoubtedly be a barrage of fury at his observation of her mostly angry demeanor. But he was waiting for something that never came and eventually, he glanced to his side to see her staring at him over the edge of her mask.

“I’m sorry” She whispered seriously.

Stunned, Daryl sat up slightly and tried not to appear so baffled. He scanned the area outside the truck, seeing people milling past, heading out to their daily jobs. He was glad no one could see them due to the partially fogged up windows.

“Uh...It’s OK.” He informed her. And it was. He mostly understood her reasons for wanting to keep a safe distance emotionally and the last thing he would ever want to do is hurt her again. But he couldn’t say he was altogether comfortable with it. “C’mon, let’s go.”

= = = = = 

The military camp was a temporary one, only designed to be erected in case of severe emergencies. The fences were broken down and the tents inside had been raised, leaving only empty bullet casings and blood decorating the asphalt. But Rick had been right, the sheer number of dead soldiers, even those reanimated as Walkers would provide them with ample armor if they were ever in a position of needing to defend themselves and the town against an onslaught of some kind.

Daryl slinked through a gap in the fence and scurried, with his body low from the back of one tent to another until he reached what appeared to be a tank. The open area in the middle of the camp was crawling with Walkers, at least a dozen, probably more, He didn’t have time to count as he scaled the side of the armored vehicle and signaled with one hand for Jess to follow. The rain had only grown stronger the further away from Alexandria they travelled and the temperature was dropping rapidly as the day crept on. He rarely felt the cold but wished he’d brought his leather jacket with him this time, his bare arms somewhat impractical for a cold, wet supply run.

Jess wasn’t complaining, she followed the trail of the arms she so admired, winding around the bodies on the ground, the canvas structures and the bloody patches when she finally reached the tank. Daryl reached down to her, helping her climb up the metal and they both took up positions beside one another and surveyed the amount of work they had to put in.

“Gonna have to get rid of most of these Walkers.” Daryl suggested. “See that, over there?” He raised an arm, pointing at a tent that was full of black storage cases. “We can’t leave without checkin’ that out.”

“Yeah, it has potential. My dad and brother used to use those cases.” She mused, remembering the many different houses she’d lived in as an army brat, all the camo, the gear, the medals, running around with a bunch of boys playing ball as a child. Those were the days.

Daryl readied his crossbow and shifted, getting comfortable.

“Wait” Jess said. He peered sideways at her.

“You take the left; I’ll take the right. First one to clear their section, wins.” She grinned as she slipped her bow over her head and nocked an arrow.

“Wins what?” He asked.

“I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. Glory, I guess.”

“I like glory.” He stated.

“You do?”

“Yeah”

“That’s a shame ‘cause you’re gonna lose!” She cried, firing off an arrow and dropping the nearest Walker on her side.

Daryl rapidly began to take down the corpses, one by one with meticulous precision and Jess had to admit she was still impressed by his accuracy with a crossbow. Even his reload took mere seconds which was one thing she thought may give her the advantage. Her arm began to ache after she dropped the tenth Walker on her side and she paused to count how many Daryl had left to take down. There were a lot more than she’d initially thought, especially when she counted twelve eliminated Walkers on her opponents’ side with three more being taken down. She turned back to her targets, four left.

He’s got this.

In the blink of an eye, Daryl’s side was empty and Jess was still aiming and shooting, now with only two Walkers left. Daryl floored one while she successfully dropped the other and slowly turned her head to face him, her lip curled in disgust.

“I hope you choke on your glory.” She growled.

“Tastes real sweet. You should try it some day.” He remarked in response with a smug smile.

Jess slid down the tanks front and jumped down onto the ground, closely followed by Daryl. They stepped over the bodies and shoved some aside from the entrance of the tent. Jess flipped open one of the black boxes and Daryl saw her face light up.

“Looks like we’re both getting some glory.” She grinned as she held up a heavy combat vest.

The rest of the boxes were brimming with combat clothing and their find had put them both in a decent mood, Jess’s being more evident than Daryl’s, who was much more stoic in general anyway. But he enjoyed her gentle mockery of him as they loaded up the back of the truck with boxes and tore any armor from the dead people that littered the camp. Daryl was pleased to have Jess’s smart comments and continuous chatter as a backdrop to such a monstrous and stomach-churning task.

= = = = = 

When they had gathered everything that they could fit onto the flatbed, they covered it with a tarp and Jess embarked on the long drive back to Alexandria. After only a few minutes on the road, Daryl suggested they pull over and check out the woodlands for animals to hunt. When Jess disagreed, he managed to talk her into it by promising only an hour and if they didn’t have any decent tracks to follow, they could return to the truck.

She pulled into a small clearing in the trees and killed the engine before following Daryl into the darkening woods. Neither of them spoke as they trundled along as quietly as possible. Walkers were nowhere to be seen and Jess thought that to be a saving grace. When Daryl stopped to inspect some tracks in the mud, they were soon setting off in pursuit of what he thought could be a sizeable hog.

A fast-moving stream seemed to appear from nowhere up ahead and Daryl held up a hand, halting her behind him. She had to admit to herself that her heart wasn’t in it and she just wanted to return to her fairground home and collapse into bed, but the thought of hog for dinner wasn’t an altogether bad one. He moved forwards until they were both stood at the edge of the stream. The water was murky, mud kicked up from the bottom as though something had recently ran through it. The rain meant the streams banks were coated in thick, clay-like mud.

“Must have gone through the stream. Tracks have gone.” Daryl mused.

“Bye bye, Bacon.” Jess sighed. “C’mon, lets go back.”

The sound of engines raging towards them caused Jess to still and her mouth to drop open.

How have vehicles got this far into the woods?!

She didn’t have time to think before Daryl’s arms locked around her waist and she was thrown down into the water and out of the view of the five motorcycles that appeared from the thick dullness of the woods on the other side of the water. Jess gawped up at Daryl from where she sat in the water, panic evident on her face. He was peering over the top of the bank, over the grass and witnessing a group of men heading straight for them. All heavily armed.

He dove at her, ripping her bow from her body and throwing it under the water with his crossbow before dragging her down and under a nearby tree roots. The bank underneath stepped up slightly into a ledge that was wide enough to fit the width of her body. She didn’t struggle, in fact, she just let him manhandle her into the tiny space and stared at him in shock when he scooped up handfuls of mud and smeared it all over her arms, legs and torso. Then, he set to work on himself, covering as much skin as he could and ensuring that they were both the same color as the muddy stream. He ducked under the roots and lowered himself on top of her just as the men neared and began to settle down, talking and jeering at one another.

Daryl’s body was pinning her to the sodden ground. Water dripped from his hair onto her face but she kept completely still, save for her breathing which was now jagged and shaky. He looked at her face, noticing it was completely clean in contrast to the rest of her and may as well have had a flashlight beam shining on it. He slowly moved a hand up from the mud and gently wiped the brown gloop over her cheeks and forehead in a strange display of what would otherwise be mistaken for affection. She could only stare up at him.

“Shh.” He hushed.

= = = = = =

It felt like hours. It may have been hours because night had fallen and the cold was biting at her bones. Daryl was fighting to hold himself over Jess without crushing her and his arms were trembling with the tension. They could hear the men building a fire and throwing insults at one another. Occasionally they would laugh about someone they’d killed which sent a shiver through Jess’s spine that wasn’t caused by the cold. Her only view was the stream trickling past beside her and Daryl's eyes above her and the more she looked at him the more she thought that even in this situation, at risk of being killed and covered in shit and mud, he was still gorgeous to her. Having him pushed against her had created undeniable sexual tension and neither of them knew what to do about it.

“You alright?” He asked in a barely-there whisper. A short nod was what followed and he could see she was about to say something from her eyes darting around, from his face to the water beside them.

“This is kind of…awkward.”

She felt his body jolt momentarily from the short huff that escaped him. His arms were locking hers to her sides to keep her level on the tiny ledge and when his hair dropped into her face again, he flicked his head slightly to dislodge the sodden strands, failing in his efforts and giving up. He hadn’t been this physically close to a woman in years, his whole body pressed against her and his face inches from hers. He could feel the curves of her chest and waist and her hips were level with his. When his outside leg slipped from the muddy ledge, she bent her knee at his thigh to provide him with some extra stability. It wasn’t awkward to him at first, merely a matter of survival and needs must, but now she’d mentioned it and she was cocooned under him and his mind was kicked into overdrive.

Uuuggh, Damn friction. Think of somethin’ else.  

“Ya just had to mention that, didn’t ya?” He complained in a quiet growl

“Sorry.” She croaked.

The crackling of a fire could be heard up on the grass and the smell of smoke wafted down the stream’s banks and tickled Jess’s nostrils along with the delightful smell of cooking meat. Her stomach growled and vibrated and Daryl furrowed his brow at her as if he’d felt her stomach rumble and that she shouldn’t be thinking about food at a time like that.

One of them men was on his feet and wandering around, the crunching of the leaves under his boots getting louder and quieter and then louder again and it told them he was circling the group, possibly setting up tents or sorting supplies. Their conversation became more concerning as time went on and soon, they were discussing how many more women they needed to start re-populating the earth.

“He said not to come back unless we had one. We can’t go back empty handed.” One man said.

“Our supplies are runnin’ low. Can’t stay out here much longer neither” another offered.

“Y’all heard the man! What he wants, he gets or we all suffer. He’s been in a bad mood since we swept that entire city and found a whole bunch of nothin’. So, we keep lookin’.” A louder and more authoritative man explained.

Jess automatically thought about the large group that encroached on the city while she was living in her apartment. Their Mad Max style vehicles and the woman in the cage, it all told her that the men that were just yards away from her could well be from the same group.

Daryl toyed with the idea of trying to slide his arms back up to Jess’s face and clamping his hands over her ears so she didn’t have to hear their savage and disgusting accounts of what they would do if they did have such a prize in their possession. He noticed her body trembling even more.

“Ya shakin’.” He whispered.

“F-freezing.” She mouthed.

He moved further over her, covering her entire body with his and it occurred to her that this was the closest she was ever likely to be with him. She wanted to wrap her arms around his waist and push a hand into his dirty, wet hair and kiss him. She could see it in her imagination, what a wonderful sight it was, minus the mud. But it wasn’t the time and he wouldn’t want her to anyway. She decided to keep the image on reserve, a girl could dream.

“Cross ya arms in front of ya.” He told her, lifting his chest slightly to allow her room before settling his arms flush with her sides. It was far from comfortable for him in more ways than one and Jess could tell he would end up with a terrible neck ache if he stayed as he was.

“You can rest your head on my shoulder.” She offered. He hesitated, his blue eyes peering down into hers with apprehension. “You won’t be able to move for days if you stay like that.” She didn’t know if he’d heard her, he was just staring down at her and the darkness meant his face was now partially obscured, the light of the moon reflecting off the water was the only source of illumination. She didn’t want to repeat herself for fear of being heard by the depraved group of men in the clearing and so, she stayed quiet.

“K” he finally agreed. He gently turned his head to the side and lowered it onto her shoulder.

He did hear me. Oh my god. This feels so weird. And nice. He must be super uncomfortable.

“Relax, I can take your weight.” She informed him. His body became heavier but it was tolerable, warmer but more awkward as time rolled on. The men were eating and still swapping stories of people they’d killed. Jess held her breath every time it sounded like one of them was getting up and closing in on their hiding spot. Her arms were numb and her skin was wrinkled and she was almost certain Daryl could feel every churn of her stomach and the hammering of her heart.

Daryl didn’t envision being on top of anyone like this. It was a rare occurrence for him to think of anyone in a sexual manner, but with her underneath him it was difficult not to. He was desperately trying to focus on their escape route and not the pretty face and curves under his body. His sole aim had been to get her out of sight and disguised enough to keep her alive, his own fate meaning less than hers. So far he had prevailed and his plan had worked but they couldn’t stay much longer. He could only hope the men would sleep soon and he and Jess could slip out undetected. She wriggled under him and he lifted his head, checking her face in the faint moonlight.

Stay still. Please, stay still. Stop rubbin’ against me. Shit.

“Sorry. My ass is numb.” She uttered.

“Yeah? Well, my everythin’ is numb. Keep still.” He told her.

A short sigh followed a nod of acceptance from Jess and she rested her head to the side, watching the water as it trickled past in its tiny, mud filled waves.

“Hey, Bobby. Get ya lazy ass up and go on over yonder to that stream. We need us some water. Gonna have boil the shit out of it but it’ll have to do.” Came the voice of authority from the group.

Jess’s heart felt like it jumped up to her throat and Daryl jolted before his arms closed further into her sides, urging her not to move an inch. He heard her breathing increase as panic began to set in.

“It’s ok.” He soothed “I got this. It’s ok.”

Footsteps neared their location, along with tuneful whistling and intermittent mumbling about how they were all going to catch damn rabies from drinking that water but if Jack says it, then it must be so. Daryl shuffled up and brought his lips to her ear, his breath tickling at her neck.

“Whatever happens, stay here.”

She shook her head, “But, I can help.”

“No.” He grunted back.

“Daryl-”

“-Shut up n’ listen to me, girl.” He demanded “I don’t care what you say or how much ya argue with me. Ya heard what they said n’ there’s five of ‘em n two of us. I can’t let them see you. Ya female. I won’t have ‘em touchin’ you. So, please…Jess…just stay here.”

Daryl wasn’t sure if he meant it as an affectionate motion but it screamed tenderness and caring when he lifted himself onto one elbow and gently moved some of her hair from her face. She blinked at him and held her breath, wishing that they were anywhere else but tucked under the roots of a tree in the darkness and laying in a puddle of stinking mud.

“I won’t lose you...not again.” He added.

Emotion rushed to the surface inside Jess and her eyes turned watery, she had no way to hide it and was forced to accept that Daryl could probably see that she wanted to cry.

“OK.” She agreed “but, Daryl...?”

The footsteps were almost upon them.

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t die”

She was sure she could sense his hand open at the side of her face as if he were about to caress her cheek but she couldn’t be sure, the darkness and her inability to take her eyes away from his face left her unable to decide. If he did, he stopped short of actually touching her and in the seconds that followed her thoughts were ripped away from his potentially romantic gesture and thrown towards the man that was crouched at the side of the stream, whistling and edging further towards the lip of the bank to fill the plastic bottle in his hand. He was a stones throw from them, a meter or so and Daryl was weighing up his options.

Jess almost squeaked in surprise when the man slipped from the edge and tumbled into the water, creating a loud splash. He swore loudly and sat up like toddler in a playpen, shaking his wet hair from his face and spitting out dirty water. Then, his head turned and he locked eyes with Daryl and Jess. The seconds that passed between him noticing them and his mouth opening to yell were more like minutes and slow-motion ones at that.

“HEY GU-”

He was cut off by Daryl throwing himself at him and barreling him back under the water. Jess shot up and crawled from the bank, ignoring Daryl’s instructions to stay put and grabbed her bow and his crossbow from under the water. When she took a glance at the other men up in the clearing, they were all too busy laughing to have noticed the noise of the fracas that was unfolding in the stream.

Daryl’s arms glistened in the moonlight as he clenched his jaw and held on to the man’s throat with all his might. His victims head was completely submerged, bubbles billowing up to the surface from his nose and mouth. A strained grunt escaped Daryl as he shoved down harder, wishing the man would just give up so they could escape. He avoided the kicking of his legs and the desperate clawing of the man’s hands on his chest and biceps and kept on, applying more and more pressure while covered in dark mud like a crazed swamp monster. Jess slung the crossbow over her shoulder and readied her bow, nocking an arrow and taking a rough aim, well aware that she could shoot Daryl in the wrist or hand under the water if she got it wrong. The mud from her face was trickling into her eyes and she tried to blink it away, blurring her vision more. She steadied her breathing and tried to focus and just when she was about to release the arrow, the man went limp. She looked on with wide eyes, knowing that Daryl had killed people but seeing him murder a man in front of her made it all the more real.

Daryl’s chest was rising and falling rapidly and despite the freezing temperatures, his brow was slick with sweat. He flickered his eyes up to her and sprang to his feet, keeping his body low he grabbed her wrist.

“C’mon, we gotta run ‘fore they find him.”

= = = = = 

Climbing up the bank as quietly as humanly possible proved to be quite the task with nothing between them to obscure the vision of the men around the campfire. Daryl had to choose a moment and stick with it and when he did, he pulled on Jess’s arm so hard he almost flung her off of her feet and up to the woodland floor. She grabbed handfuls of leaves and twigs as she dragged herself up to start running and felt Daryl clamp a hand around her wrist once more. He ran as fast as he could and eventually let go when he saw that she could keep up with him without assistance.

Behind them, shouting could be heard by the stream. The men had discovered their dead friend and Jess didn’t feel an ounce of guilt when she hoped that he would turn in the water and kill them all. Her feet were squelching inside her boots as they hammered the dirty ground and leapt over fallen branches and logs. Although the paranoia and fear that swirled around in her head was telling her otherwise, the distance between her and Daryl and their pursuers was enough to provide them with precious seconds upon reaching their truck.

Daryl jumped into the driver’s seat and Jess didn’t bother to make a comment about him not being able to understand a gearbox. Instead, she simply clambered into the passenger’s side and yelled at him to drive. Ignoring her instance upon trying to burst his eardrums, he tried to focus and the truck jumped back once, then twice.

“Stop switching it up so much!” She cried “Put it in first, then switch it!”

“I am, dammit.” He snapped back.

She could see silhouetted figures charging towards them through the trees and flashlights darting about like a light show. Her heart was pounding in her head.

“They’re coming, Daryl. Move the damn truck” she muttered, now rooted to the spot with fear. “We need to move. We need to go or they’re going to turn me into a baby machine. Let’s go. Come on, move it.”

“I know! Just shut up!” he spat, seemingly making the trucks gears grind with everything he tried.

“Trust me to get stuck with the one Redneck who can’t drive stick!” Jess suddenly yelled, trying to stand up in the tiny cab and shifting in front of him with her backside in his face. He sat back and held his hands up, not wanting to touch her without warning and make her even more mad.

“What the fuck are ya doin?!” He shouted back at her.

“Giving you a lap dance! What the hell do you think I’m doing?! Move your ass across to the other seat, I’m driving!” She shrieked at him.

“God sakes, girl!” He complained while he slid across the seats to the other side and made sure the doors were locked.  

Jess put the truck in gear, switched to reverse and hit the gas. The truck shot backwards to the road where she spun the wheel and set off into the distance, leaving the furious men from the clearing jogging to a halt behind them. Daryl opened the glove box and retrieved a map, opening it up on the dash and switching on the overhead light.

“What d’ya think? Circle back or change direction?” He questioned. He knew she would understand what he meant. She was smart enough to know that they had to choose one of two options to be able to outrun them when they got back to their bikes and set off down the same road.

“Change direction.” She answered.

“Alright.” He agreed “Take a right at the end of this road and just keep drivin’, we’ll have to camp somewhere.”

Her face was drying tight with the mud that was caked over her skin and she remembered how softy Daryl had smeared it across her cheeks. Despite the vehicle starting to smell like animal faeces and stagnant water and the two of them looking like the creatures from the black lagoon, Jess couldn’t help but admit that she enjoyed the feeling of him protecting her and in particular, how gentle he had been when he pushed her hair from her face with a fingertip.

The movement of the truck meant that his body swayed subtly as he leaned against the window and sighed. Jess stole a few glances here and there when guilt struck her for yelling at him. The road ahead was sill and dark and rain lashed against the windscreen as the truck pummeled through it. She could see no other headlights or signs of other vehicles each time she checked the rear-view mirror and could only conclude that they’d managed to escape and that if they stayed on the road a little longer, they would be able to find somewhere safe to stop for the night. Another glimpse to her side saw Daryl peering out of his window into the blackness.

“Keep ya eyes on the road.” He ordered.

“I am” She argued.

“No, ya aint. Ya keep lookin’ at me. Can see ya in the reflection.”

Dammit. You’d have made a shitty spy.

In pure spite of his comment and to prove that she wasn’t going to plough into the non-existent oncoming traffic, she twisted her body to face him and glared right at him. He scoffed and shook his head at her stubbornness. Whatever she’d been doing in the months she was apart from him; she’d definitely developed a stubbornness and a sense of defiance that he didn’t detect in her before. Ignoring her almost childish gesture, he leaned forwards to check the map after spotting a road sign that meant they were at least three miles out from where they’d come across the dangerous group of men.

Deciding between them on the next steps to take, they opted to continue driving until they were well out of the way of any patrolling members of their group and Jess put her foot to the floor and sped the truck to the next intersection, where she headed for the highway.

After forty minutes, Daryl held a hand up and signaled for her to slow down, a street sign for ‘The Blue Moon Show lounge’ shot past and he told her to take the next left. Jess was tired and disinterested in arguing, she could have fallen asleep at the wheel if she had to drive any further and so the inviting idea of four walls and a roof was a much desired one.

Little did she know, ‘The Blue Moon’ was an off the highway strip bar nestled at the end of a dirt track and hidden rom the road. It provided them with a place to keep the truck and a roof over their heads for the night. They worked together to clear the building with Jess taking the main bar area and Daryl sweeping the rooms at the back. Five dead bodies were inside, one almost skeletal and the others so chewed up that it was impossible for them to be a threat. Jess put them down easily with her knife and Daryl dragged them out to the storage room.

When he returned to the bar, Jess had upturned two flashlights to light up the room and was noisily rummaging around behind the counter, lifting up bottles and squinting at the labels. She’d emptied the refrigerators and huffed and puffed like a train when she appeared to come up with nothing.

Daryl headed to the door and secured the inside lock, giving the doors a shake in their frames to ensure they were solid enough to protect them.

“For god sakes” he heard her hiss to herself.

“What’s up?” He asked

“All this liquid and there’s not one, single drop of water. I want to clean this crap off my skin.” She complained.

He joined her behind the bar and examined the top shelf above the optics where there was a line of branded vodka bottles that all appeared to be full. He reached up and slid one from the shelf, unscrewing the cap and smelling it.

“Use this” he suggested.

“Really? A vodka shower?” She commented, unimpressed.

“No, dumbass. It’s water. They fill the bottles with it to make ‘em look full. S’all for show”

She didn’t ask how he knew such information and he was glad of it. He’d spent most of his life tagging along with his father and Merle in bars and strip clubs and as a result tended to know a lot of the tricks of the trade. He wasn’t proud of it and hardly ever enjoyed it, although he kept that fact to himself, knowing better than to complain and that if he did, it was likely to get him nothing but a beating.

“Oh” She remarked with a degree of embarrassment “Well, OK. You’re going to have to leave the room or turn around or something. I need some privacy.”

“Check out back. These places usually have private rooms.” He suggested carelessly while rounding the bar and plonking down in a plush chair in front of the stage. Jess followed him and stopped at the start of the seating area. She raised her eyebrow at him. Now, she was going to ask.

“You spend a lot of time in titty bars before the turn, Daryl?” She smirked.  

“No.” He mumbled, taking a quick swig from a half bottle of liquor he’d picked up from behind the bar. He hadn’t been drunk since the turn and had no intentions to either. He didn’t like who he was when he was drunk, so the bottle in his hand was only there to take the edge off after recent events “Not unless my brother dragged me to ‘em.”

“Right. Blame it on Merle. So, it wasn’t the breast implants and g-strings?” She grinned.

That damn smile. Stop it.

“You’re an ass, y’know that?” His comment was not only directed at her mockery of his knowledge of strip bars, it was also a veiled prod at her bright smile and the effect it had on him. He wasn’t sure if he wanted her to smile or not anymore.

“Yeah. I’m good with that.” She agreed as she headed for the double doors that led to the back rooms.

“’Sides, this ain't a titty bar. S’a show lounge” He called out, hearing her chuckle as she left the room.

Jess paced through a hallway full of framed pin up pictures and pushed open doors as she went. Finding a dressing room and the private rooms Daryl was so sure was in existence. She entered the first once where she was able to partially undress and wash some of the mud from her skin with a t-shirt she found screwed up and discarded on the red velvet couch. There were other clothes scattered about. The room boasted rather obvious CCTV cameras and she wonders how much one might pay for a dance in such a room.

Daryl took the opportunity to amble around the building and collect any supplies they might need. When he reached the hallway, he passed the partially open door to the room Jess occupied and found himself doing a double take. The glimpse of her bare skin and the clasp of a black bra through the crack in the door rendered him motionless and everything around him seemed to just drop away. Her back was to him as she gently wiped at her arms with the wet T-shirt. He knew he shouldn’t look and guilt raged through him but she was a vision, even from behind and with her skin sporting the cracked, jagged lines of dried mud. Her black hair swayed at her back in waves from being tied up into a braid. She dropped the t-shirt and lifted both hands, twisting her hair up on top of her head and fastening it with an elastic. He thought for a moment that he might have been dreaming at the sight of the curve of her waist, but it was real. So very real and all he could do was bite his lip and force himself to move on down the hall, giving Jess back the privacy that she deserved.

= = = = = 

When she returned to the main area, she found him sitting on the floor of the stage at the bottom of the pole opening up two cans of pasta with his knife. Jess was relieved they always packed cans in the truck in case they got caught holed up somewhere with no food, much like the situation she found herself in at that moment. She was starving, the smell of the meat from the camp by the stream stirring her need to eat.

Daryl slid a can to her when she sat down cross-legged opposite him with the pole between them and looked around the room, craning her neck to observe the ceiling, the unused lighting rigs and the DJ booth. She mirrored him as he lifted his can to his lips and took big gulps of the gloopy pasta. Her stomach immediately began to settle with some sustenance and she was soon feeling a lot more human again.

“So, how much would you expect to pay for a private room in a place like this?” She wanted to know. The need to wind him up a little more mixing with her genuine curiosity from standing in the room and playing with the idea of what the business must have been like before the turn.

“A lot.” He grumbled.

“C’mon, I’m curious. What would happen in there?” She pressed

“Private dance. No clothes. Some dirty talk. No rush to the next guy with a wad of fifties. S’bout it.”

Her eyebrows lifted and she emptied the final remnant of the pasts into her mouth and chewed. When she was done, she thudded the can down beside her and narrowed her eyes at him.

“You ever done that?” She questioned

His expression changed as he looked up at her through his hair with a can of pasta gripped in his fist. At first, he was calm and willing to talk but her topic of choice was grating on him.

For someone who doesn’t wanna be too friendly she’s sure askin’ me a lot of shit.

“That what you think of me?” he wanted to know.

“Course not, you said Merle dragged you to places like this. So, I just wondered.” She shrugged as if it was nothing.

“Nah. I ain't. Not my thing.” He replied. Cutting the conversation short when he lit a smoke and fell silent. His face was downcast and Jess could tell he was tired too. Taking another person’s life was never an easy task, even in a ‘one or the other’ situation. Given no choice, Daryl had acted to save them both and Jess knew from personal experience that the vision of it doesn’t just go away.

“Are you alright?” She asked him.

“Yeah.” He replied thoughtfully. It wasn’t hard to guess what she was referring to and he appreciated her asking.

“What you did back there… keeping me safe…” she started with a quick glance up at him. He was watching her though his still damp hair. “…thank you. I’m not so good with people. I can fight walkers but when it comes to people, I’ve always managed to just stay out of sight. Terminus was the first time I put myself in full view of anyone still living for a long time. I panicked tonight.”

“I’d do it again tomorrow. Forget it.” Was his oxymoron of a reply. Simple but complex in a way only Daryl could create. He said very little but meant a world of things behind it. It was not lost on Jess; she knew exactly what he meant without having to dissect the sentence.

I’d kill a hundred people just to keep you safe.

“Sorry I almost crushed ya.” He mumbled as he picked at the frayed thread on the ankle of his boot.

“Oh, don’t worry. You didn’t. It’s fine. We had no choice.”

“Yeah. For sure. No choice.”

“Uh Huh. I mean, it wasn’t all bad…”

Stop talking, Jess.

“…you kept me warm. I hope I kept you warm. It was- it was OK. Was fine...”

Stop. Fucking. Talking.  

“…it was nice. I mean, it wasn’t nice like that, uh…no. It was nice of you. I’m going to stop talking now”

He nibbled on his lower lip, a habit he used to stop himself from smiling but it was showing regardless, the corner of his mouth curling up. He didn’t know what she was trying to tell him or why she was suddenly so all over the place and full of nerves, but he did feel the intense, awkward nature of their experience under the trees roots in the stream and he couldn’t deny that if it had been anyone else but Jess, that awkwardness wouldn’t have been present at all. She was turning herself inside out as she picked at the cold can of pasta that had been discarded and brought back to her hands and he could practically see her cursing herself for talking too much. It was the most vulnerable he’d seen her since the quarry and in that moment, he was certain that the old Jess never really went away at all. Opting to change the subject and spare her the agony of mulling over her previous ramblings, he entertained his desire to find out more about why she left.

“Ya never told me exactly why ya bailed” he mentioned.

Unable to avoid his questions, with no one or nowhere to run to, she accepted she at least had to offer him some kind of explanation and after he’d murdered a man with his bare hands to keep her safe, it was the least she could do.

“A few reasons. I didn’t fit in. I was an outcast.”

Being made to actually say the reasons why she left wasn’t something she thought she’d have trouble with. Before it had all been written down in the confines of the pages in her journal. Now, having to voice her decision-making process was turning out to be harder than she thought.

“And I aint? I aint like them. You know that.” He countered.

“You belong with them. I didn’t.” She clarified.

She could tell her answer was nowhere near good enough for him and when he took a long pull of his smoke and sighed thoughtfully, she knew the conversation was far from over.

“That the real reason?” He pressed.

“You mean aside from hearing you say I meant nothing to you and the humiliation?” She quickly threw in.

“That was bullshit, Jess. Ya know I didn’t mean that.” He told her with no hesitation “N’ ya shouldn’t have let those bitches drive ya away like that.”

Hindsight had been a wonderful thing in the story of why Jess had left the camp. There were plenty of why’s and what ifs to contemplate when she thought back but perhaps the biggest one to her was; what if she’d stayed and asked him about what she’d heard? Would it have changed anything? In her heart she knew it probably wouldn’t have and that she still would have ended up departing at some point. She didn’t mean to dredge up the past and what she’d overheard yet again, in fact, she would rather have let it stay in the past and never be spoken of again. But it slipped out and now she knew she sounded bitter and resentful.

“Let me ask you something.” She said, shuffling forwards and holding on to the pole. She rested her head on the back of her hand. “When we first spoke, you asked me exactly what I did in the group. I couldn’t answer you. What did I contribute? What was my role exactly? Carol, she cooked, cleaned everybody’s clothes and is actually really strategic and logical and apparently great with a rifle. Glenn was the go-to guy for runs, You and Merle were the hunters. What did I do?”

Daryl had no answer to offer. All he could do was stare at her and his simmering gaze would have made her knees weak had she been standing up.

“Exactly. So, it wasn’t just a decision I made for me. I made it for everybody else too. I was one less mouth to feed. I’m not sorry I left, Daryl. Look at me now, I’m so much better off for it. I can look after myself. I’m not just some chubby nerd anymore.” She explained.

“Stop it.” He snapped.

“Stop what? Telling the truth?”

“Ain't the truth” he argued, stubbing out his smoke on the stage and flicking it behind him.

“Yes, it is! I buried my head in books and still wore collectible T-Shirts! That girl, she was a big, useless nerd. It’s been a long time since I was her.”

“Yeah. I noticed.”

“You don’t like the change?” She asked.

“Never said that.”

“I guess I always liked the idea of not being what everybody else expected me to be.” She mused.

“Ya doin’ a great job.”

“Your sarcasm is stifling.” She shot at him with an irritated look.

“There wasn’t nothin wrong with ya.” He affirmed.

“Funny, that’s not how I was made to feel.”

“Yeah? Well I was out trackin’ that girl every day for two weeks!” He threw at her with a raised voice. “Guess she was really listenin’ when I taught her how to track. Covered ‘em well.” He got to his feet and started to pace the stage, back and forth, outwardly riled and angered by his disagreement of her choices. But they were not his choices to make and she was not about to get into a debate over that.

Jess didn’t rise to his temper. She stayed in her spot by the pole and witnessed him gradually slow down as the minutes passed.

“I listened to everything you taught me. If you hadn’t taught me all the things you did, I wouldn’t be here now.” She offered as a kind of truce.

You’re mad at me. But you’re the reason I’m still alive. You kept me alive and you weren’t even there.

“Shouldn’t have taught ya nothin. Ya wouldn’t have left then.” He mumbled under his breath.

His admittance said more to Jess than she’d anticipated and she realized as she sat and studied his body language, expression and the things he was saying that she really had hurt him by leaving without a word. By leaving at all. It was now more obvious than ever that he didn’t mean a word of what he said to Merle. Until then, Jess had never dared to hope that she meant anything to anyone. But it was etched on Daryl’s face as plain as day.

“I’d be dead if it wasn’t for you” She whispered.

“Whatever” He grunted, jumping down from the stage and grabbing the liquor bottle from the seat he’d previously been resting in. He took a large gulp, winced and headed to the bar.

“Since you successfully managed to destroy that conversation, I’m going to find somewhere to sleep. Wake me in a couple hours and we’ll swap.” She declared.

“The fuck do you even want from me, huh?” He questioned out of nowhere. “Say ya don’t want nothin’ to do with nobody, live like a damn hermit, refuse to move to Alexandria. Ya let Abraham leer at ya like some two-dollar whore n ya blow so fuckin hot n’ cold with me I don’t know what the hell you want!”

In truth, Jess wasn’t sure what she wanted when she first revealed her identity to him. But after the events of the last 24 hours and all the days spent engaged in prodding mockery and sometimes meaningless conversations, she could conclude that trying to rebuild what they used to have was what she truly wanted. But it wasn’t that easy. She blinked slowly at him from the stage, standing just out of the beam of the flashlight and tried to ignore his scathing comments, purely born from his anger.

“It’s complicated.” She uttered. “I spent so long thinking you hated me. I don’t trust anybody.” He wanted to yell at her that he never hated her, that he cared about her more than even he knew and how much it killed him when she left.

“Ya said we’re as good as we’re gonna be. We’re doin’ better than that. You know we are” He commented. “Do you even wanna be friends like we were before? You n’ me?”

She jumped down from the stage and paused by the double doors with her hand flat on the surface. His apparent unwavering belief in their ability to rebuild their friendship was touching and something she wanted to believe with every piece of her heart. His words back at the stream echoed in her head.

"I won't lose you...not again."

“You and me” She echoed with a sad smile. “It’s a nice prospect…. I’m trying, Daryl.” She uttered before heading through the door and back to the private room she changed in. Before she could even think of such a heavy topic, she needed to invite the sweet embrace of sleep her heavy eyes and weary bones so craved.

= = = = = 

Deanna was frantic when Daryl and Jess finally arrived back at Alexandria in the evening of the following day after enduring hours of tense silence. The route back was longer than expected due to how far out of the way Jess had driven them to avoid the eyes of the group of bikers from the woods. Once Jess explained to Alexandria’s leader what had happened and Daryl unloaded the boxes at the armory, Jess handed the keys back and crossed the street in pursuit of Aaron, who she’d spotted sitting on his front porch when she drove through the gate. Daryl noticed her striding past him and ran after her, catching her arm with his hand. She whirled around, mask and hood up and her eyes flashed with impatience.

“Sorry. ‘bout last night. I was an asshole.” He said, stepping closer and checking his surroundings. Night was falling and the streets were still occupied by patrols and children playing.

“It’s fine. I understand.” She said before trying to back up but he only followed her.

“I’ve never been good with feelings n' stuff. ‘Cept anger. Anger’s what I do.” He confessed.

“You don’t have to explain. Really. Thanks again for what you did - making sure I was safe. Goodnight” She nodded at him with another attempt to move away and this time she triumphed. Daryl stood at the side of the road, under a street light and watched her approach Eric and Aaron’s porch.

NEXT CHAPTER

--- tagging as requested ---

@lilred254​

[bluerosesburnblue]

Liz Liveblogs Bravely Second: Chapter 3

Bravely Second Chapter 3: Up, Up, and Away is now on, and being posted in a decent amount of time. I think we’re gonna go steady straight to the end of the game at this rate!

Agnès seems to be okay in the wake of the Skyhold getting hit and going down. She didn’t even notice. Her knitting got messed up and she’s mad. God, if Agnès ain’t me

Oh, and Tiz spotted her lost yarn through video call. Cuuuute

SP reading from Luxendarc? VP Appleberry, explain!

There was nothing to explain. The laser energy was the same as the stuff we use in the Bravely Second hourglass. I sense a meta chapter coming on

Something is sealed in Skyhold. The Kaiser and Anne are worried it may break free. And they’re refusing to let Nikolai look into the laser. They’re sending Geist, who I remember from the demo. His asterisk job was kinda useless, at least for my playstyle. So they’re sending a torturer because... why not

I don’t know if I mentioned it, but they pronounce “Anne” as “Ann-eh” and that kinda messes me up?

Game is crazy if it thinks I’m not going to immediately turn around and grind out all of the ocean’s bestiary entries

Monoceros are terrifying oh gosh I think that was my first game over so far? I got unlucky with a group of four lurking out of sight

Also, Striped Rabbies are fish? Weird

Hey Liz what did you do today? Oh, you know, spent three hours completing bestiary entries

Man, I’ve gotta be about halfway through the game at this point. The team’s level 45, bestiary entries are about 50% complete in all categories that aren’t Dragons and Bosses... There’s supposed to be six chapters, right? Maybe some of the later ones are shorter

It’s the prettiest city in all of Luxendarc: Florem!

Staging, huh? Tell me it’s not another beauty pageant

Oh are those Ancheim NPCs there because I took deRosa’s side in the sidequest? Sorry guys... if it’s any consolation I intend to undo evicting you from your homes?

Ah. Flower Festival time. Of course. At least the festival workers seem to have realized their errors from last game and they’ve replaced the beauty pageant with another contest, and they pick both a male and female winner now. Exciting... I guess

Nobody in Florem knows anything about the Skyhold or the attack on it, but the Matriarch is gonna send their baby vestaling, Sylvie, with us to put up a shield. I... do not have high hopes for this child’s continued existence

Just put the barrier up and Sylvie is not dead yet, but I’m still worried for this mute child

Oh??? My God??? Is the “Revealing Outfit” that Magnolia found just a cloth diaper? Isn’t that the DLC outfit for Tiz?

Great, the Empire’s here for an inquisition. Because Florem totally has a giant laser cannon, guys! This random passerby definitely knows where that came from!

The Florem battle background is gorgeous, though

What is Geist’s accent? It’s as unplaceable as Tommy Wiseau’s

Also he just killed two guys on stage. I guess the Kaiser doesn’t care about subtlety if this is the guy he’s sending

And he’s using his gameplay gimmick of undoing turns to revive them. While I appreciate the nod to his job class, does this really count as a “turn,” Geist?

Also it’s kind of messed up that he can kill someone, revive them, and they retain their memories of dying. Though is it really any worse than normal JRPG resurrection?

How did this man, completely covered in blood, manage to make his way to the stage completely unseen in the first place?

Alternis, baby, back for the save yet again!

...aaaaand he’s down yet again. But now he’s taking advantage of his Dark Knight abilities to hit Geist back

“What a power couple!” They all ship Edea/Alternis

The crowd is naming Edea and Alternis the winners of the pageant because Edea would sacrifice herself for the city, and Alternis would sacrifice himself for Edea

“It seems that even with my helmet donned, I cannot hide my manly charms.” This isn’t Alternis, is it? Thought his line delivery was a little different. That’s gotta be Ringabel, at least in this scene

The mood whiplash in this scene is incredible! We’re going from Geist threatening to brutally maim everyone, revive them, and do it over and over until someone confesses, to “OH AREN’T ALTERNIS AND EDEA A CUTE COUPLE haha what a situation” gags

So no one seemed to understand Magnolia’s burst of French, which is understandable since contact with the people of the moon has been limited, but this guy in the crowd speaks French, too???

“Our” tongue? Do we have a moon immigrant on our hands or something?

“The language of the Sagitta”. So the Sagitta are an ancient tribe that defeats Ba’al. Speaking of Ba’al, I feel like we’re probably about due for another fight with one

So I guess we’re gonna go chat up the Sagitta elder. Give them info on the moon for their info on the giant laser of death

Lotus of the Sagitta. I see the symbolism. He’s gonna die, isn’t he?

Helllooooooo sidequest. Guide says Barras vs. Einheria

Well, Edea’s the new superintendent of Florem schools because the old one got tired of it and Edea was standing close by. Seems legit

So survey teachers on Co-ed schools vs. Non-Co-ed. So is that the big fight this go around?

“Ms. Rhea Veeling”? Ohhh boy

Swetti Tracsute... in Eternian sky night garb? Was he from the first game or has it taken me so long to play this one that it feels like he was from a whole other game

Eugh. It’s a battle of gender stereotypes. Can we noooooooot

For the record, my stance is that the owner of the school or whatever should be free to choose whether it’s co-ed or not. That’s it. If there’s sufficient demand for both, then neither of you are in the right. HOWEVER, since this doesn’t seem like it’s going to be about the school itself, per se, but about the equality of the sexes. In which case, uhhhh there shouldn’t be any discrimination by sex on a legal level?

Aaaaand Swetti’s lost me with his “school is about falling in love, not learning!” spiel

You’re both wrong. Sidequest closed. Give me both jobs already. I’ll fight both of you if I have to

So while Bravely Second’s sidquests are an interesting idea, I do wish they’d mixed it up a bit. Every single one of them feels like I’m resolving some petty childish squabbling on the side. None of them are relevant to the story and they’re just getting predictable at this point. Remember in Bravely Default when we had a sidequest where the party’s alternate-universe selves all died in one of the other universes they went to and got to see what the people they loved were like without them? Tiz’s brother Til, Olivia Oblige, Alternis and Braev... yeah, I remember when they were deep and poignant. Now look at us. We’re deciding what the Florem school district should do with its time, and it will inevitably end with two people from the last game fighting and us having to defeat one of them. They’re just so... irrelevant and not even well-written to compensate?

In general I’m on Swetti’s side. Cooperation between the sexes is the only way to get rid of discrimination between them, and Florem doesn’t have ANY co-ed schools yet, so opening one up is probably a good idea. So naturally I gotta kick his ass, for Worst Timeline purposes

Or kick Barras’s ass, since he’s here now. Hey, dick. How’s your bitch girlfriend doing now that she’s doomed the continent of Eisen to a slow economic death?

So Rhea was one of Einheria’s soldiers in the Bloodrose Legion in the last game, just like Swetti was one of Barras’s. There’s the tie-in, I guess

And Rhea is just being obstinate... for the aesthetic? To keep Florem beautiful? She isn’t even making a point! She just doesn’t like the idea of guys being around! “I’m all for equal rights for men and women but they’re just so grosssss...” that’s not an argument. Stop.

And now I’ve gotta battle through the Twilight Ruins to make my report. This is so aaaaaaarbitrary

The bestiary entry for the Twilight Ruins enemy, Dark Stomper, has Voice call the moon civilization “our civilization”. So Voice is a Moon man?

“Your decision is probably going to drag us into a battle against the losing faction” even Tiz is pointing out how same-y these all are

Guess the sidequest is over already. Just time to kick Barras’s ass for being right

I may have charmed Swetti and let him do most of the damage to Barras. Whoops?

Seems like the anti-co-ed argument is BUT TRADITION. CHANGE TAKES TIME. Yes but opening up a school with optional enrollment is exactly the small change that would... oh forget it

Innovation>tradition for me. Sorry, it just is

And Rhea has a crush on Swetti. Because that’ll be a healthy relationship where all they do is scream at each other

Whatever, let’s get back to it with the Sagitta

THAT GIANT OROCHI SKULL IS METAL AS HELL

And the Sagitta forest is gorgeous. I’m so glad this is what we get after that abysmal sidequest

I worry that a boss is coming up every time the Adventurer gives me the option to rest in the cottage

I never thought I’d hear “open sesame” spoken in French but there it is. The password for Sagitta Village

OH MAN IT’S ONE OF THOSE FLOATING VILLAGE DEALIES that’s rad

“You fear this is the end? True despair lies in the lack of a future. The unchanging world... We call it the end layer” The first NPC I talk to in a village shouldn’t be allowed to be so ominous OR title drop!

So the Sagitta were told that they descended from the moon people, but few believed it was true

And Elder Sirius is determined to blow the Skyhold to pieces, Agnès’s safety be damned. Okay, dude, chill for five minutes while we grab her, then you can do it. No? Christ, what a dick

Nooo Agnès is being self-sacrificing again through pendant call. I love how Edea turned Agnès’s “Unacceptable” catphrase back on her for that suggestion

“We’re Agnès’s Avengers, remember?” Hey, I thought we agreed that we were Yew Googlymoogly and his Three Yutzes now

At least Lotus wants to help us get transport to the Skyhold

Aww, Lotus has a son named Procyon. And his deceased wife was the Elder’s daughter, so Procyon is the big heir to the position

Procyon thinks Tiz’s hair is funny... but I have Tiz as a Catmancer so the zoom in on the ears was comedy gold

Confirmation that the Sagitta fired the laser, and they have no clue where their SP cannon comes from

Edea’s plan was to fire us out of the cannon... Edea, it’s not a normal cannon. It’s a laser. It’ll disintegrate you

They don’t know what SP is, just that it’s produced from “the flow of time” just like how wind turbines collect energy from “the flow of wind” which... they just convert kinetic energy into electric energy so that’s not quite how it works but okay

It’s also harnessed from people sleeping. I can see where this is going to get meta. The Bravely Second hourglass charges when the 3DS is in sleep mode, in other words, when the “player” is asleep. So to them it looks like it’s charging automatically, but it’s actually harnessing the player’s sleeping energy. Given that last game implied that the player was a Celestial watching the party, it has to be intentional

Now to have Lotus and Procyon guide us to Old Sagitta so we can see if we can use SP energy to fly!

Oh no another sidequest’s opened up

What on earth did Edea just throw at that man

And he sings every other line. Wow. That won’t get old

Rocca Pellar, grandson of bard Arca Pellar, owner of the baton that we used against Praline last game. She’s gonna be in this quest, isn’t she?

At least the party’s as done with his singing as I am

...why are we in deRosa’s molestation basement?

Buddy no. Do not use this as a studio. Some dark stuff went on in here

So Praline and Barbarossa are both harassing Rocca for an old song his grandfather wrote. And Rocca describes both of them as having voices so bad he couldn’t understand them. Rude

And Edea’s gonna help because they’re both Kamiizumi’s people and she feels responsible

This Jpop song is so loud I can’t hear what they’re saying. I see they haven’t fixed the mixing from the last game

Praline wants to remix the song and pass it off as her own. I’m gonna imagine Barbarossa wants it released in its original form. On the one hand: potential art theft on Praline’s part. On the other, since the original artist is dead, the song may be public domain. Though if she’s asking for rights the answer is probably “not yet”. In which case, she can wait and I want to side with Barbarossa

I forgot Yew was scared of ghosts. This ship must suck for him

Yeah. Barbarossa doesn’t want her to be able to mess up the song. I know I said tradition<innovation in the last quest, and I stand by that... but the song was never released, so it can’t be tradition. So release it in its original form, then, years later, we allow Praline to remix it. Problem solved, people just have to be patient

I like Barbarossa more. So I’m gonna kick his ass in this, the worst timeline. Which is great, because I prefer the Pirate class to the Performer class

Cutscene, cutscene, OLD DUNGEON FROM THE LAST GAME, pick a side, boss fight... I don’t even hate this quest but it’s formulaic as anything

Tent event reveals that Yew is Pellar’s #1 fan and he’s geeking out that Tiz and Edea not only spoke to his disciples, but also have his baton. And now he’s distressed that Edea used it as a backscratcher

Edea ATE the baton by accident?! Good lord, girl, how???

Another thing that bothers me about these quests is that there doesn’t seem to be much correlation between the jobs offered? Like, it’s never a choice of “defensive swormaster vs. defensive knight” where both are attacking classes that just fill different roles or something, it’s always, like, “defensive vs. summon” or “buff vs. attack.” I just think it would be cool if the jobs offered were similar in some way, just filled different roles so your choice was more necessary. Ninja vs. thief for speed-based knife users, Buffing Performer vs. Buffing Time Mage... etc.

So Pellar’s song even came with a dedication to all sailors, so Barbarossa was right that it would be disrespectful to Arca to change the song’s meaning. Though, Rocca has no problem with the remix. I stand by my previous judgement. If Arca wanted the song as-is, then give it some time as-is. Praline can wait to remix it. Especially since I’m sure she won’t be respectful to the intent of the song

To connect this to the last one in terms of innovation vs. tradition, that one involved whether to open up a co-ed school or yet another all-girl’s school. Florem had none of the former, and people willing to run it. The issue was more large-scale and governmental in nature. The old law didn’t have feelings, it’s not a person, so innovation was the go-to. This quest has the direct notion that Arca would not want his song changed. Arca may be dead, but his wishes for his work should still be respected. It was a personal project, not a governmental one, and one that never got released so he wasn’t able to control what happened to it. The school benefits all of the guys in Florem who are now allowed rights there, and would change the way the country works forever. The remix would just make people happy for a bit and then be dropped once it’s no longer popular. It’s fleeting and shallow. So I guess artist’s rights>governmental innovation>disrespectful innovation>gender segregation?

Also, Arca can’t be that long gone. At least give him 100 years in the grave before screwing with his work

WOW Edea, that logic SUCKS. “The world doesn’t care about your grandpa’s wishes, they just want Praline, so screw your grandpa. You don’t owe him”

“Let Praline make a mockery of your grandfather’s legacy because pleasing the masses is the only thing that matters!” What... the fuck, Edea?

God, I love Barbarossa. “If you want to be taken seriously, face their legacies head on! Put some blood, sweat and tears into accomplishin’ somethin’ of your own!” He’s having none of this. And I do agree. If Praline has to piggyback off of someone else’s work to be popular, is she really that good?

deRosa, DeRosso, Barbarossa... the last game really loved using similar sounding words that mean “red” for its villains, huh

Benediction Wall is so good holy shit

Praline’s song is kind of annoying. Also sounds like it would fit in Splatoon more than a fantasy game like this

Old Sagitta is AWESOME. Blue/green glowing mushrooms and ancient runes in a dark temple? That’s my aestheeeeeetiiiiiiic

The music is chill, too

I really like Lotus. He doesn’t like that his son’s the heir of the elder because he wants his son to be able to go out into the world and form his own opinions. Heck, he wants his son’s beliefs to be challenged so that he grows. Procyon shouldn’t be performing the duties of the Sagitta halfheartedly, but because he’s seen everything there is to and come to the conclusion that he agrees with their ways regardless. And if he decides he doesn’t like the way the Sagitta do things? Then Lotus will accept that. I’ve got a lot of respect for that. It’s open-minded, but the fair kind. The kind that implies thought, not believing everything you hear

It’s just a shame that that kind of stuff is a death flag. Especially with Geist running around

Neat gimmick. There’s invisible floors and illusionary walls, so the path forward isn’t always clear, though you can see them if you look hard enough due to their sheen

This Ancient Sagitta document is playing the same music box tune that shows up for the ending narration. It’s a gorgeous piece, but now I’m sure this document is really important to the story. Moreso than I suspected before

A Professor Altair of the Dimensional Bureau made a device that allows you to jump to any point in spacetime. The “spaciotemporal compass,” which I believe the Kaiser’s army stole in the chapter with Minette. So his aim is to travel across time, huh?

Seems Yew’s an amazing chef, while Magnolia is... not. I see who’s gonna be doing the cooking in that relationship

The spaciotemporal compass was stolen. The Sagitta people came about because Director Sagitta felt responsible, and dedicated his life to fixing his mistake. They boosted security, but it didn’t fix the problem

Altair was around when Eternia was founded. He died of colonic disease, and his dying words were a wish to see “Vega” again. Vega is probably a woman, and given the music box theme, I wouldn’t be surprised if she turns out to be that lady doing the monologues at the end of each chapter

Shit, Altair was 34? Damn, poor guy

Yew is not pulled in by this lore. We gotta hit up the Skyhold, guys!

It mentioned a Buster Ship, which Magnolia seems to think is significant. Was that the ship she came to Luxendarc on? I can’t remember

It’s pronounced “all-tire”???? “ALL-TIRE”??? Guys that’s... that’s a real name! And it’s pronounced “Ahlt-air”! You can’t just keep pronouncing things in the most asinine way possible!!! (It’s like KH’s “ay-vuh” vs “ah-vah” thing all over again)!!!

So Tire man’s got a tablet listing all of his inventions. He’s invented everything. Including the airborne battleship Sagittarius. Sagittarius. Sagitta. Duh

Lotus knew about the battleship. Because it’s gone. The SP cannon is all that’s left of it

“The Ba’al and the empire are quiet” OH GOD LOTUS WHY DID YOU JINX IT LIKE THAT. I CAN JUST FEEL THE DRAMATIC IRONY

Yew... where are you sneaking off to at night?

Ah, he’s going to sneak into the Sagitta underground and figure out how the village floats to see if they can use that. And Magnolia’s coming, because.

I’ve got such a bad feeling about this whole endeavor. No music... just wind sounds... ominous

Aw, Yew wanted to be a scholar. But after his big bro disappeared, he abandoned his own dreams to fulfill his brother’s. That’s some familial dedication

Giving someone a flower on the moon means “I will protect you for as long as we both live.” Yew’s flower meant everything to Magnolia because she was terrified and alone, and then Yew showed up with nothing but the promise of unconditional support. I’m actually tearing up right now, that’s really sweet and it’s paired with the most amazing music

And the thing is, Yew was alone, too. He’d just been betrayed by Janne and all he really had was Edea. He needed Magnolia. Someone to commiserate with. Who understood how afraid he was and who wanted to help, too

Ugh, Voice, you’re ruining the scene

“So, too, will your passion bear sweet, sweet fruit” VOICE YOU’RE MAKING IT WEIRD

Oh shit Yew fell off Sagitta and Magnolia jumped after him. They survived because it turns out the rock Yew broke off floats. Magnolia’s “I knew I’d be fine because I trust you” was... cute, but amazingly stupid

And Voice is a shadow against the sky? Or was that supposed to be someone else?

“I woke up and everyone was gone!” ...so where did Tiz go, then.

The shadow is both Tiz and Voice. I’m just gonna guess that the soulstone we shoved in Tiz to wake him up at the beginning was Voice’s soul

AND VOICE IS ALTAIR. Tire man you’d better have a good explanation for your bizarre vegetable rants last chapter

I guess this also explains how voice was writing in our journal. Tiz had plenty of access to it

An intruder? Probably Geist.

...definitely Geist

And he followed us here. Of course he did

Lotus stop telling him exactly what everything is and what it does! It’s just gonna make him want to break it more! This is not a man with empathy, he’ll use that information to cause more damage!

So Tiz is possessed by Altair for this battle, which seems to effect nothing but is certainly happening

Oh come ON. The fight ends when you get one volley of attacks off on Geist? I could’ve torn him a new one I’m so overlevelled!

Altair says that Geist’s pulling a Life is Strange and rewinding small bits of time every time he “undoes” something, but that makes him susceptible to being attacked by large bursts of SP. Lucky for us he decided to fight us next to a giant SP fuel tank, I guess?

Also lucky that Altair invented the tank and knows the secret override code (seriously, no one ever changed that in the hundreds, maybe thousands of years since it was made?)

...the fight seems to be taking place in the Ba’al dimension with the music box theme playing, and Altair says it’s his memories they’re seeing, because emotions and time are inseparable.

Just gonna guess now that the Ba’al are the physical manifestations of Altair’s memories, given form by corruptions in time or just time energy. Paradoxes. It’s Final Fantasy XIII-2 now. Everything is paradoxes

Also, Geist can still undo, just not as much. Can’t completely nerf him for the fight, I guess

Undo as much as you want, that Benediction wall I put on you heals us every time we hit you, doofus

Ah yes. Now we, too, can be blood-drenched time-warpers that look like we shambled out of Silent Hill

Lotus is gonna die protecting this tank isn’t he

OH SHIT PROCYON JUMPED IN FRONT OF HIM MAYBE I WAS WRONG ABOUT WHO RAISED THE DEATH FLAG

Oh thank God Edea jumped in and killed Geist with a katana I know she absolutely does not have equipped

His dying words were hoping that his son “Rev” is now finally free. Dude you literally almost just murdered a father and his son without mercy, now you want sympathy because you’re also a dad? Is this how you people think equivalent exchange works?

“The kaiser intends to unleash the power of the spacetime compass!” Nooooooo really, Altair? I thought he stole it because it looked nice on his wall!

So unlike the last game, where the “time loop” was actually traveling to an alternate reality, in this game it is an actual time loop. I actually knew that before starting the game, which is why I’m so flippant about getting the worst endings on sidequests. Unlike the last game, where bad consequences never got undone because we weren’t going back in time, just to a different world, in this game whatever we do here gets undone in the next loop

So Altair can only possess Tiz at night? That’s some serious gameplay and story segregation because I know you’ve been writing in our journal during the day, you hack!

God we’re gonna have to tell Tiz about this. “Hey buddy we found out your body gets possessed by an ancient scientist at night” “Oh. Is that why it feels like I haven’t slept in months? ...is that why I’m currently covered in wounds?”

Wait, Tiz has been active at night before, so it can’t be “Altair takes over Tiz every night.” So it’s just only an option to possess him at night, but he can still choose not to take control if he doesn’t feel like it?

“But before I go, I would leave you with some cherished words of advice” DO NOT RAMBLE ABOUT VEGETABLES AGAIN

He’s rambling about GRAPES well, I mean, I said vegetables specifically, so you win this time Tire-man

“Which means what, exactly?” I love Yew. He’s my son. I’m adopting him

Tiz says he kinda knew about Altair. Not specifically Altair himself, but that he could feel another presence within him. Poor guy must’ve thought he was going crazy all this time

Altair, when did you have time to write Tiz a letter explaining everything last night?

So, confirmation that Altair was the soulstone we used to bring Tiz back, and that he stayed quiet because he was worried Tiz would try to get him out of his body. But he got attached to these kids and started getting more and more involved, by writing in the journal and giving us advice while out of sight, because he basically emotionally adopted us and wanted to help protect his old world

He also gave Tiz permission to exorcise him. Altair, I may hate the way you pronounce your name and ramble about produce, but I kinda like you now. Welcome to the team, Team Dad Who is Also a Ghost

That’s such a Tiz thing. “I mean he may be possessing my body but I’m not gonna exorcise him! That’s mean!”

Time to corner the Empire at the Water Temple and put a stop to their plans!

Agnès is overloading the Crystal. And her voice is all echo-y. Don’t tell me she’s possessed, too, because I totally called that in the last liveblog

I knew the barrier wouldn’t work. After all, what’s a vestaling’s power to a full-blown Vestal?

Tiz, stop asking her to stop and grab her!!!

Now we know for sure why she was kidnapped. And why the empire’s plans didn’t seem to start until the beginning of the game

Aw, damn. Anne’s here. We’ve gotta be heading back in time pretty soon to undo this

Vucub Caquix? What... THAT’S a name

I thought this was going to be the end of the chapter, but there’s a whole sidequest and two summons on my list I never did. Did I miss them???

Actually, screw it. I saved just before this scene, I’m gonna go check

I did not. Guess this isn’t the end of the chapter, then?

Ugh. Sapp and Piddler are back on a mechanical bird that they don’t know how to fly. How dramatic

At least Anne’s amused?

It absorbs lightning damage, which would’ve been nice to know when I scanned it

And it transforms into a wrestler. I... hrm.

Nevermind, it absorbs all magic. Magnolia’s Summon in a Pinch is gonna sabotage us, I know it

Just glanced at a guide. It actually absorbs ELEMENTAL damage, so the Wizard’s Spirit spell works

So tedious. Rad death animation though

Bestiary entry stated the operation manual inside says the designer gave it “the name of one of the gods from my homeland.” I wasn’t aware that the Mayans existed in the Default universe

Oh, fuck off Nikolai. Are you actually gonna do anything or are you just gonna monologue at us?

Blah blah he was part of the original Crystalguard, they were corrupt and lost to the Eternian Anticrystalists and the disbanded Crystalguard did some shady stuff that he did nothing to stop, so now he feels guilty and joined the kaiser to go back in time and undo it. Okay. Sure. I get it. You’ve never read a time-travel story in your life so you’re unaware that “fixing the past” goes wrong 90% of the time. We get it

Yew, my precious child! Sticking up for his beliefs and telling Nikolai off by professing his love for his new family!

“He’s like a big brother to me!” I LOVE ME A TIZ/YEW BROTHERHOOD

And everything he’s said about Edea sounds like a younger sibling talking about their annoying older sibling I LOVE THIS FAMILY

MY BABYYYYYY! “The people who matter most to me are right here, in this world! And you are not gonna take them away from me!” THAT’S RIGHT KIDDO. This world may be broken, but there’s good in it and the bad can still be fixed! The sacrifice of your family is UNACCEPTABLE

“I’m gonna make it right. Here, in this world.” I. LOVE. YEW

FUCK OFF, NIKOLAI. THE ULTIMATE SIBLING TEAM IS HERE

You know, Nikolai, I can’t have Yew resurrect himself as a Bishop, so why can you?

Just stay down, Nikolai. “Show the world your coup de gravy” is some... awful dying words

Janne’s alive. Falling off a cliff has never killed anyone in fiction

Okay Kaiser’s voice sounded familiar to me so I looked it up. It’s Cam Clarke, who voiced what appears to be, no joke, a large portion of the cast of Back at the Barnyard, Toph’s Dad from Avatar: The Last Airbender, Simba in all of his non-first movie appearances, including Kingdom Hearts II, and, most pressingly the original Leonardo from the 1987 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In my liveblog of the Prologue, I noted that Yew was voiced by Michael Sinterniklaas, the voice of 2003 Leonardo. Is this the most bizarre casting gag ever???

Nikolai’s bestiary entry is complete, so this really is the last we’ll ever fight him

Oops, Empire’s already about to shatter the worlds

The Rubadub can fly? Lotus taught Sakura the controls? Yew asked him to do it with the levistone? What???

Lotus join this family forever please

We use the hot springs to heat the levistone to fly. I can’t believe we have a flying hot springs boat

There’s the sidequest. It’s Grandship, moored in the Ba’al crater in Eternia

Oh the ship lets you fast travel anywhere. Sick

Heyyyy, Zatz, Datz, and the Proprietress! ...and they’re complaining about taxes

So Grandship ran out of power, and now they’re a refugee micronation

Oh hey, Alternis. Somebody ask him about the Florem competition. I want to see his face when he realizes his alternate self is ruining everything again

No, game, it’s not suspicious at all that you’re giving Alternis an introduction card right now when he’s supposedly been part of the main plot since last chapter. Not suspicious at all

“By what strange trick of fate do your paths cross anew?” NOT SUSPICIOUS AT ALL

This scene where we hang out with our airship buddies from the last game is really cute, I’ll admit

Alternis sounds so happy the second these orphan kids come up to him. Also really adorable. There’s a lot of reasons I love Alternis

HE GAVE THEM FOOD AND GIFTS. My heart! And it makes perfect sense that he cares for the orphans given the fact that he was an abandoned kid

He’s hanging out at Grandship because it takes care of the lost. I think he’s found the perfect home

Holy shit that meal was 1,825,890pg WITH discount?! Edea what the hell did you eat?!

Or it’s just absurd taxes. But I’ve got my eye on your share of the meal, Edea!

Oh god crazy Chompcraft guy is here abort abort let’s book it

“Everyone is responsible” jackass, that ain’t how taxation works, even with a council. Stop trying to cover your ass

...Alternis’s views on taxation are not something to love him for. Sure, some taxation is always going to be necessary, especially for general welfare programs. But a nation only has so much money to spend! Eventually there’s not gonna be any left, and now everyone needs the welfare, instead of just some people, but we already spent the money funding the welfare, so there isn’t enough to go around

“We must look after the orphans and the aged” Alternis, bud, your heart’s in the right place, but that doesn’t make the system any less broken

He’s acting like by abolishing taxes we suddenly stop all welfare programs. That’s... not how it works. It just needs another source of income. One that doesn’t completely use up the rest of the nation’s cash, so that nobody can pay for the kids. We need people to be able to make money, because that keeps it flowing, both within the nation and around it. And when you open up money to outsiders, they will return with more. That’s where the money for the kids should come from. Collaboration with the rest of the world, not a drain on an already impoverished people

Please don’t let this be a repeat of the Profiteur/Holly quest where the entire conflict was “sentimental dumbass flunked out of high school economics”

I just noticed that Agnès is missing from the pendant in the menu. Sometimes the gameplay and story integration in this series is fantastically on-point

Oh neato! Since the Charybdis summon is a debuff we don’t have to survive an attack, but instead fight the Anchorite while debuffed. Cool!

And don’t think I missed the fact that they put a summon named after the Greek monster, Charybdis, on a boat

I’m glad that Yew clarified that “end layer” is just another term for the apocalypse. So the title of the game is basically “Go Back in Time: The Destruction of All”

Oh good, ex-King Khamer is here. I’m sure he knows how to run a nation (it’s so unfortunate that he’s the most experienced here in that regard)

Makes sense, though. He and Profiteur are the only people in the world who worked with finances before, thanks to the Merchantry

There were THIRTY taxes? Grandship, what are you doing?

7000pg for a SLICE of bread? Are you guys trying to destroy any potential tourist income you have AND drive away your current residents?

And hey, Khamer isn’t saying it’s wrong to help the orphans. But unless there’s reform, the poor laws aren’t going to collect any money regardless!

“Your ideals have blinded you, and you refuse to see the truth.” He’s got a point. Alternis is too caught up in helping the orphans to see that no matter which option they pick, those orphans are gonna run out of state funding real fast

This is just Profiteur vs Holly, except it’s shorter and I like Alternis and the Grandship crew, so it’s instantly better if still really dumb

I’m so on Khamer’s side here. There is no “good” option for the orphans. Either they lose going to school, or they lose THEIR ENTIRE HOME NATION. So Khamer’s solution actually hurts the kids less. Alternis is just so emotional right now he can’t see it

Worst Timeline Prerogative states side with Alternis and doom Grandship, so that’s what we’re gonna do

“It might seems crazy to risk financial ruin just to take care of the poor” Seem? Edea, dear, the poor won’t be taken care of at all without cutting the taxes

“But, if you think of the country as a family, then it’s not crazy at all” Edea, it’s a NATION. They’re not equivalent! Governments have to do cruel things sometimes because it’s their job to benefit as many people as they can, not just the ones they want!

The worst part of all of these sidequests isn’t that someone’s usually wrong. It’s that Edea attempts to morally justify whatever she does to make it sound like the “superior” option, and never for convincing reasons. It just makes her come across as shallow, and I know that’s not who Edea is. She doesn’t moralize to everyone she meets, at least, she shouldn’t in this game. The Edea from last game might, but having her be team mouthpiece here forces her to ignore her character growth from last game in realizing that situations can be morally ambiguous and need COMPROMISE, not just picking one side and calling it a day. It doesn’t always have to be either-or, and this game’s Edea knows that! She just sounds really immature in these sidequests. Like she can’t conceive of ever doing something morally ambiguous because it seemed the better morally ambiguous option at the time, she has to be 100% morally correct all the time

You’re all just gonna make people move out of Grandship, and now who’s going to pay the poor laws? The poor?! If people can’t choose whether to support the poor or not with their the way their money is spent, they’ll chose with their bodies by just leaving

Alternis, darling, noooooo. You don’t have the money to buy them nice things. The poor laws should only provide necessities and the groundwork for them to work themselves out of poverty. Give them assistance, not freebies that they’ll never repay

I agree with everything Edea’s saying, but we literally picked the option that DOES NOT ALLOW FOR THAT PLAN

We just created a socialist hellstate. Great.

No one’s concerned that I switched Tiz to Exorcist and he’s just sitting there, covered in blood

They’re trying to claim that everyone’s making enough to support the taxes and that the kids are gonna grow up and help the nation, but... that’s blatantly false? We saw they couldn’t literally last night? And the nation’s gonna run out of cash in two weeks, so... this ending’s bullshit?

And Khamer wasn’t a citizen so he shouldn’t have been in the council in the first place and went broke, but he can take advantage of the poor laws despite that? Has anyone considered that he went broke BECAUSE THE TAXES WERE SO HIGH?!

Also, this whole thing comes off as just... desperately trying to justify bad decisions based on emotion, which it REALLY should not. The government needs to be held to different standards than a person. Just own up to the fact that you fucked up, guys. Stop trying to sugarcoat the fact that Grandship is gonna go broke in two weeks. It all sounds like a lie to make sentimental fools feel better

By invalidating Khamer like this, the sidequest loses ALL impact. Everything would be so much more poignant if he was a citizen, was really going to be effected by everything, and the choice had actual consequences. Heck, outside of this scene, people are still complaining about the taxes! You talk to anyone but the orphans on this ship and they talk about how they’re lucky to get by! Writers, it is OKAY to admit that your protags made a bad choice. No one learned anything here, and Grandship is still going to go bankrupt!

I really wished that quest had spawned before the battle at the Water Temple, because it killed the pacing

They’re gonna sell merch featuring the Warriors of Light. Yeah, sure, that’ll fix it. You solved the economy. Congrats. Just... someone buy Tiz that mug with his face on it and we’ll call it a quest, yeah?

I’m gonna go grind out Everlast Tower and snag the Girtablulu summon, then see if I can call it a chapter

Half of it’s locked down, but I snagged the summon and did as much as I could. Onwards!

Everyone’s saying it’s the point of no return. By name. Think it might be the Point of No Return™?

Wait, it’s the female voice. The chapter’s already over? Wow.

“I waited - how long I waited - for the day when the two of you would meet again.” I want to know who she means. She says “you,” not “us”

Well, I guess that was the end of the chapter! My guide says there’s only one Asterisk next chapter, so I feel it’s gonna be a short one! Definitely a Disk One Final Dungeon at the Skyhold

“Great Distance” is, as always, a pleasure to hear

I cannot believe how many characters raised death flags this chapter, and yet no one died. I also can’t believe there wasn’t a Ba’al fight! This game is screwing with my expectations and I’m happy Lotus and Procyon are alive but also???

I really enjoyed this chapter. Not the sidequests, which is to be expected at this point. It feels like they’re written by a completely different team than the main storyline, and I wonder if that’s the case, because they’re so tonally off and the main story is doing GREAT at moral ambiguity, which makes the complete lack of it in the sidequests despite the fact they act like there is, completely baffling.

But! We got some wonderful interactions between the main cast, especially the part where Yew tells Nikolai that he’s got a family now and he won’t just let them be erased, and then goes one step further and vows to fix the Crystalguard’s past mistakes without taking the easy way out and just undoing them! Some amazing lore reveals and worldbuilding with the Sagitta, my new Favorite Dad, Lotus, the airship (finally!), and the SP plot involving Altair finally makes its appearance. So I genuinely like this chapter, and I can’t wait to finish up the first “arc” of Bravely Second before things start getting real. Since Chapter 4 looks to be short, I’ll be checking back in real soon! ‘Till next time!

[sireneia-a]

i have nowhere else to post up this but i feel like i definitely want to get my impressions of the fe4 fuyuki manga out somewhere and trying to put this in a tweet thread would prolly be annoying

i fully expect my opinion to change with time cause i think making judgments on something in less than 24 hours of consuming it... doesn’t usually lead to the long-lasting opinions. manga and fe4 spoilers both in here under the cut. i’ll try not to judge the manga in terms of merely deviating from the original game too much cause it’s allowed to take its own liberties, and sometimes those deviations can actually be a really good thing ( e.g. gaiden manga for the most part ). if you want to know abt my opinion on deviations, i’m still Bitter(tm) that they took out lene. this’ll be pretty unorganized cause i’m just spitting out my thoughts without revision cause i don’t intend to make this an actual literary analysis essay. 

anyway, moving forth:

my opinion isn’t really positive. might as well just get that out the gate before i get into details.

i think the main issue i have is that this manga... feels very unfocused in what exactly it’s trying to accomplish. is it a war story? they don’t finish the war. is it a love story? well, that really only came in about halfway and doesn’t focus on the euphoria of love, just the angst associated with a love pentagon. is it a coming of age story? maybe. this might be the closest answer to the truth.

the pacing definitely leaves something to be desired. we go from pretty fast action of seliph being introduced and then taking up arms and then rescuing leif, but... then it just slows down for a filler chapter with all the army members hanging around and talking about how much they like seliph but how distant he is. it’s a weirdly slow chapter that comes out of nowhere, and the mood whiplash is so great; seeing leif go from being this vengeful, frustrated teen who just realized his god worship of seliph was unfounded to leif being a happy-go-lucky guy acting pestering others and teasing them in just a short amount of time... is Very Odd. i’m not against leif being able to show a more casual persona, but i definitely think it could’ve been handled better.

ced’s introduction is as this all mighty, powerful mysterious man and... then all that buildup just goes into making him a background character. it feels wasted, which is how i feel about a lot of this manga honestly.

the manga tries to have some arcs for characters, and i think it pulls it off best with tine, arthur, leif ( in his first few appearances before filler ) but otherwise it’s kinda Meh. there’s just a ton of loose ends that just don’t get resolved at all. i’m cool with this usually, but the fact that the only thing that seemed to really be concluded was seliph’s romance arc and nothing else made it feel extremely unfinished. the other characters in this love pentagon don’t really get closure either, ESPECIALLY FEBAIL.

speaking of febail. Well. i wish he was something more than just “the love rival” character. he’s introduced to get patty/lester development and to further seliph/lana as well. it’s a shame cause febail actually is one of my favorite gen 2 characters ngl and to see him getting reduced to this is.... Hrm. larcei also suffers from this issue too, not really having a character outside of being tended to by lana ( to show that lana is a capable cleric ), to be fawned over by iuchar and iucharba, and to fawn over shanan. ulster might be even worse, really only existing to be the protective older brother to larcei, but when she barely gets any screentime, he might as well be replaced by a stop sign.

i’m not saying we need multiple chapters focusing on characters’ developments either. it functioned just fine with arthur and tine, and leif had a REALLY good arc in the leonster castle chapter. i really liked how they handled fee too! even if she didn’t get any closure. i expected her to show how capable she was at some point and stick it to her dad, but nope.

the manga really likes to focus on seliph, leif, and ares. i get it, they’re the sons of their power trio of dads. i’m not at all surprised these are the three they chose to focus on, but man it doesn’t have a good pay-off imo. ares might be the best handled out of the three despite having his character tweaked a bit ( the fault of removing lene, i suppose ) and i actually liked his progression with the inner conflict of living in isolation. 

leif took a nosedive for the worse when he somehow began revolving his life around seliph despite the fact his first appearance was all about how he should not be heralding him as a god amongst men. leif was that character had a weird duality between being the “shounen best friend” trope for seliph, telling him to never stop believing in himself and reminding him how great he is amongst giving cheeky hints about the romance plot, and being his own character filled with angst. leif brings some nice laughs a few times i’ll admit, and even if it’s pretty ooc for him, i was okay with it i guess; the issue i had was just how his status as seliph’s best friend seemed to also come along with removing all of his initial character development. 

i’m not a fan of how leif’s last bit in the manga is admitting that he didn’t know what he’d do without seliph. leif’s got all this buildup of trying to take on travant because he wants revenge, and he’s shown himself to be capable before this. i think my issue with this is less about leif’s competency ( i really do think though leif’s whole thing of being a pretty horrible lord unit and then turning into this master of all trades in fe4 is super good ) and more about how we don’t really see seliph helping leif out much at all. leif is a pillar of emotional support for seliph, but it doesn’t ever get conveyed that it’s mutual even though the manga WANTS you to believe it is. when seliph goes to check out on leif, it’s always leif talking out his own feelings and coming to conclusions himself without any input on seliph’s end. when seliph does say something, it’s just to scold leif and remind him that they’re friends and that seliph can help him, but i... honestly didn’t want seliph to help leif defeat travant. it felt more like seliph was meddling more than anything, and i could easily see this being fixed with just some dialogue tweaks of seliph saying he wishes to support leif or doesn’t want to see him die. but it’s just “we’ll kill him together!”

seliph is just a standard protag who understands he needs to grow and he closes off his feelings. he is compassionate, charismatic, and he goes throughout the story changing people to ally themselves with him. this is most notable in how he convinces through sheer pacifism for iuchar and iucharba to join his side even though originally their role in the game was all about making a choice between one of the brothers.

speaking of the brothers, they also got shafted quite a bit. i mean, true to the game i suppose, but still. they both had pretty interesting characters when they first get introduced as sons who disapprove of their father but come out to fight because it’s what they’ve learned and been told to do. they don’t understand seliph but feel a sense of wavering conviction because they want to do the right thing. but... then it just goes to nothing, this beginning of a mini plot, because they meet larcei and since larcei barely gets a character in this manga, neither will these two. they fall head over heels for her and then lose their characters entirely. i don’t even know what the point of recruiting the BOTH of them was if they weren’t even going to do anything with them. like, sure, show that seliph is a good person. but they were going to show that seliph is great without this incident anyway. 

the fact that julia gets reduced to just a healer hopelessly in love with seliph is sad. she has this crucial plot importance and it’s hinted at with the chapter involving ishtar and julius, but it really goes nowhere because the manga decides halfway through its main focus is going to be the romance between seliph and lana, so we’re going to end the manga in the middle of chapter 9 instead of actual endgame. julia’s just a slightly upgraded form of febail’s character in this lbr. she’s a love rival character meant to inspire angst within lana. woo.............. she gets brownie points i guess for helping along ares’s arc, but eh.

altena was fine. i think they stuck to everything important about her: her devotion to thracia, her dilemma with leif, etc. the arion and altena plot was okay. hell, even though i really like coirpre’s close relationship with altena in the game, i thought how he served as a voice of reason for her in this without the two knowing each other was actually done really well! just. wish coirpre got recruited. but that’s just me being salty, and i really don’t have an actual valid complaint about coirpre’s writing and minimal involvement in the manga. he served a purpose and he did it pretty damn well.

overall?? i thought this manga was a poor adaptation, and i really don’t recommend it as a way to understand fe4 gen 2′s plot at all nor its characters. but it serves its function as supplementary material, and i heard it’s like infinitely shorter than oosawa if you want a shorter read! it’s got its good points with certain characters like i’ve said before ( the tine and leif recruitment chapters are VERY GOOD and i loved fee in this too! ) and the fact it got a few laughs out of me is something i didn’t expect coming into it. i’m personally okay with the art, though i do wish characters didn’t appear crosseyed as often as they do.

[bnhainsert]

Sound Out

A story in parts of a character I created and love. This is mostly to get back into writing. This was incredibly fun to do. So much so that I’m making it a multichapter story. I will write warnings as they come up in each chapter

________________________________________________________________

Chapter 1: Overture

Vocaller

The name of a hero! Not a big one mind you, but a hero nonetheless.

The pro hero walked the streets patrolling in her small city. While the hustle and bustle could be pleasant to listen to, sometimes the dissonance of city sound was too much. Having a quirk that revolved around sound could be quite annoying sometimes.

Vocaller meddled with the soundwaves in the immediate area to propel her up to the roof of a nearby building. She kicked her feet back and forth and sighed. While she liked being a well known hero and protector of her city, it felt like she was missing out on other things. Not a whole lot happens in a small time city. You get the normal small time thieves and thugs. Even those stopped coming up as often since she started. That’s a sign of a job well done. She believed that if a hero was truly doing their job, the place they are protecting would end up needing them less and less. If crime rates go down due to the influence of a hero, that is a mission accomplished.

She did enjoy watching the people go by and go about their business. She squinted to try and look a little closer at the moving crowds. She could see a child running a bit too fast for their mother to keep up. She spotted a man on his cellphone trying to console the person on the other side. There was also a group of teenage girls squealing and squawking about the new heroes steadily becoming popular in the mainstream.

“Oh to be young and enamoured by every cute boy or girl that pops up in the media” Vocaller thought to herself. She rested her elbows on her lap and put her chin on her hands, smiling at all of the social interaction happening. “Oh who was that new hero that just did an interview the other day?” She thought trying to recall the voice and the name. “Oh right! Deku!” She quickly remembered. How could she possibly forget. She stood up and took in as much air as possible to be able to project well enough to those teenage girls on the street. She spoke loudly and clearly but the voice that came from her mouth did not sound like her own.

“I will continue to protect everyone I can! I hope to be the number one hero soon!”

The girls nearly gave themselves whiplash looking around for the body that was supposed to be attached to the voice. “Where is he?!” shouted one of the girls. “I  would know that voice anywhere!” yelled another. Vocaller quickly sat down and snickered as the girls clumsily tripped over each other trying desperately to find the pro hero who worked nowhere near this town. 

“A sound based quirk huh?” 

a voice from behind startled her nearly throwing her off the ledge. Luckily all the quirk training she did caused her to manipulate the soundwaves to prop her up just like when someone catches themselves from falling with their arms.

“And a quick reaction time too? That’s pretty cool”

Vocaller turned around and her eyes met with the very hero she had mimicked early

“OH MY GOD THERE HE IS!” squealed the teenage girls pointing to the rooftop. Vocaller nearly had a heart attack. The the sudden screaming gave her a horrible headache. The green hero known as Deku simply waved to the people below. Vocaller completely removed the soundwaves from around her and deafened herself just to keep from receiving an awful headache. 

“Oh my god. what the hell? Why is he here? In my small town? Look at all the fuss he’s made! Look at all of those soundwaves coming from the ground! This is ridiculous!” Vocaller thought to herself. This was annoying. In any other circumstance she would have been star-struck, but the incredible amount of sound was driving her nuts. There were so many different tones and timbres happening all at once. It was a nightmare for a hero with such a well trained ear. She deafened her steps and tried to walk away quickly without being noticed but was quickly grabbed by the arm by the hero who was being cheered for. “How could he have possibly heard me?!”  

It looked like he was trying to say something back to her, halfway looking behind him, but still waving to the crowd. Vocaller let the soundwaves occur naturally again and she heard him apologize and ask for just a few minutes of her time. She couldn’t possibly turn down one of the most popular newbie pro heroes. She let out a long sigh. “Fine but only if you can get them to stop cheering. It is giving me an incredible migraine”

Deku spoke to the crowd confidently. “Good citizens! I have stopped by to speak to your city’s hero and protector! I must steal her away for a bit of time but I promise to return her soon! Please go about your day without worry! Why? Because I am here!” and there was his iconic phrase passed down to him by the last symbol of peace.

Vocaller sighed again as was habit to do when things got particularly annoying or troublesome. “You sure do sigh a lot. Is it like a heart thing?” She heard Deku ask before he leapt with her in his arms.

 “Oh god oh god please put me back on the ground. land. please land” 

He looked to see her worried expression and quickly found a small lake to land next to. There were almost no people there so it was a perfect spot to have a chat.

“Okay, firstly you can’t just jump off with someone. Secondly what are you doing in my city? Thirdly you owe me some painkillers for this awful migraine you have caused from that crowd screaming”, Vocaller quickly yelled at him as her feet touched the ground. She then realized who she was talking to and slapped her hand over her mouth. She turned a very pale color and began to sweat.

“Oh I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble! Are you okay? You look terribly pale” Deku asked genuinely. “Of course he’s nice to boot. He wouldn’t be so popular otherwise” Vocaller internally monologued. She removed her hand from her mouth. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you the way I just did. It was incredibly disrespectful to one of the best heroes in the world. I am so sorry. I was just very annoyed by all the sound and it set me off. I am so sorry” She apologized profusely, even bowing in the process.

“No please, I’m the one who caused you all these problems! I knew you had a sound quirk and should have put together that your hearing would also have to be impeccable. I hope you will still let me chat with you” He put his hand on her shoulder to keep her from bowing again. Vocaller let out a sigh of relief. She again realized who she was talking to. “Y-y-yeah sure...uhhhhhhh...want to go....umm..what’s the word....oh no.....uhhh. I promise I’m not this stupid” She stuttered and tumbled over her own words. “How about we take a seat on that bench over there?” Deku suggested. Vocaller nodded, relieved that she didn’t have to remember words for the time being.

They walked over to the bench that overlooked a small pond. Some ducks were swimming around looking for people to throw them food. They begged almost like dogs. A cool breeze blew by rustling the nearby trees. It was quite a nice day to be outside.

“So....umm...what are you doing in my city???” Vocaller asked ending the break in the conversation. “Oh I was looking for you” Deku replied. “Okay cool, but why?” She replied. “Are you ready for a bit of a story?” He asked. “Ummmm I guess??? Crime rate has been pretty low around here so I think I’ve got a good chunk of time”.

Deku began to explain events that had been unfolding elsewhere in the country. There was a crime syndicate that was terribly hard to track and was very good at disappearing at the right time.They would come out from hiding, commit some sort of a heinous crime, and then immediately disappear. it was incredibly frustrating for the pro heros in the area. Most of them were great at fighting, but not so great at sneaking. Of course they knew how to but the crime syndicate was too good at sensing and tracking them. They began to understand the pro heroes’ routines and knew exactly when to leave. 

As Deku spoke he seemed to be incredibly frustrated with the situation. If he was anything like how he portrayed himself in the media, Vocaller could probably peg exactly what he was thinking. If he was a truly genuine hero, he would probably be thinking “How can I possibly call myself a hero if I can’t even catch a gang wreaking havoc in a city I protect”. She realized she was wondering from the conversation and snapped herself back into it. 

“That’s why we want to ask you for help” Deku finished.

“wait...ummm...back up. I’m sorry what? I’m not even in the top 50 heroes. I’m not that amazing. How could I possibly help?” Vocaller shot back.

“You are incredibly talented with sound. Honestly the hero charts don’t really reflect how good a lot of the other heroes are. A good portion of it is popularity with the people. I mean yeah saving people counts for a good portion too, but protecting a small city makes it hard to top the charts. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t fantastic at your job though” Deku reassured her.

“We’ve kept an eye on you for a few months and you are incredible! You manage to catch bad guys without even getting into a fight! They don’t even hear you coming much less see you!” Deku gushed. 

“Oh....he’s a fanboy...” Vocaller managed to pick up. “I mean yeah that’s true, but these are small time villains, You’ve taken down much bigger and more intimidating groups. I’m sure you don’t actually need a sound quirk to help you on this front” She replied.

“Please Vocaller......Will you at least work with us on a smaller part of this case to help out? We could really use another set of ears” he pleaded slightly, eyes shimmering, hopeful to suade the small time hero in front of him.

And again, how could she possibly say no to this genuine hero. She caved and said she would help, but her condition was that she didn’t want to be kept from her city too long. It was her city and she was incredibly protective of it. She would go along for the ride, at least for the first mission. She absolutely did not know what she was getting herself into.....

Chapter 2

[nntodayblog]

How Meg Wolitzer Built The Parallel America Of ‘The Female Persuasion’

Riverhead

Since it was announced last year, excitement has been building around the publication of Meg Wolitzer’sThe Female Persuasion, finally cresting witha recent New York Times profile of the author.“Why Now May (Finally) Be Meg Wolitzer’s Moment,” the headline read.

That a writer who has been published steadily since she was barely out of college could finally have her moment in her late 50s, after releasing best-sellers such as The Interestings, seems both frustratingly common and a great relief. But Wolitzer’s professional trajectoryhas fed the themes of The Female Persuasion, which tells the story of college student Greer Kadetsky, a bookish introvert with a quiet, burning passion to do something important with her life. That possibility is opened up by a chance meeting with Faith Frank ― a feminist leader “a couple of steps down from Gloria Steinem” ― who, along with Greer’s best friend, Zee, pushes Greer forward more firmly into the clash between feminism’s past and future. Bringing in Greer’s high school boyfriend Cory, and a male venture capitalist of Faith’s generation, Wolitzer uses her characters to grapple with the tensions between what we want for ourselves and what we can do for the world at large, exploring how people evolve and disappoint each other with their moral failings along the way.

Such a premise makes it unsurprising that this book would draw a great amount of media attention; not only is Wolitzer a beautiful and thoughtful writer, her novel fascinatingly situates itself in a world that is ours but decidedly not. Wolitzer’sAmerica has a take on ”The Vagina Monologues,” a different version of Teach for America, a foundation devoted to women’s empowerment conferences and an iteration of Hillary Clinton’s campaign anthem, Katy Perry’s “Roar.” The themes and discussions about what feminism is today ring so true to life that you periodically have to remind yourself you are not reading a case study about five individuals struggling with the generational feminist divide. (As a former editor of Jezebel ― which shows up in this book in the form of Fem Fatale ― and as someone who went to college at the same time as Greer, the similarities to my own life gave me minor whiplash at times.)

It is this near-likeness to reality that has provoked both raves and skepticism among Wolitzer’s readers and critics; some find the book startlingly visionary, while others have been thrown by what they see as a facsimile of our world.

I was intrigued by the responses to The Female Persuasion. Wolitzer, who has written astutely about the different ways in which men’s and women’s books are marketed at and received by critics, and has given her new book a title that places it squarely in the Women’s Lit Canon. Yet The Female Persuasion is well on its way to receiving the kind of serious literary attention Wolitzer’s other books didn’t. Whether that’s in spite of the title or because of it is a question that goes to the heart of Meg Wolitzer’s “moment.”

I spoke with the author last week about the puzzle of divorcing one’s own beliefs and experiences from her (or any) novel, the challenge of rewiring the expectations you have for your life, and the joy of writing fiction in a time when non-fiction can be all encompassing. Wolitzer is a clear, almost jealousy-inducing speaker who doesn’t so much drop literary references as dust them onto the conversation, as if seasoning a dish with some salt. In talking with her, I was left with the feeling that if The Female Persuasion seems didactic to some, perhaps that is only because its author is so gifted at her job as a world-builder.

The interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

Obviously the book’s literal origins are pretty clear. You’ve lived through the decades that you’re writing about. But I’d love to hear a little bit about how you conceived of these characters and this universe you created.

Sure. You know, some of the ideas in the book around issues of female power and misogyny and influence, the person you meet who might change your life, have been things that I realize I’ve been percolating for a long time, kind of gestating these ideas without really knowing they were going to go into a book. I think that’s how it often works for me. What’s first and foremost for me with a novel is that it’s really an immersive world that the reader wants to be in, and that I want to be in as a writer. So I was thinking about these things over a long period of time, and I guess eventually in my own life I realized that I was at a place where I’d had older women who were very important to me and were very generous to me when I was young, and I was now seen as an older woman by some younger women, which was a new experience. And I think at that moment, it’s like I understood, oh, there’s a story here. And I just wanted to follow it.

Outside of those themes, what came first? Did the idea of Faith come to you? Did the idea of Greer come to you?

As always, there’s a question of what ideas are burning in you. And then once I start playing with those, I think Greer really became a powerful figure in me, because she’s a complicated character, and Faith came quickly after her. I sort of knew that they would both exist, the younger and the older one. It’s a delicious feeling, I think, for a novelist to get to create a fully invented character, so I just tried to let it go where it would go. But I think both of them on their separate tracks – intertwining, too, but being separate people, having very separate and different lives and different experiences ― started coming up.

But I tend to write chronologically through the book. I know writers who will say, “Oh, I just finished Chapter 10, now I’m going to go back and write the beginning.”And I can’t really imagine that, because for me there’s this story and I want to kind of follow it through. So Greer was the first one I really got to know, because she’s at the beginning of the book.

The structure of the book is such that you are slowly revealing parts of information about people. You’ll have this small detail that will later be circled back to and it will be an aha! moment.

I enjoy those in what I read, too. I enjoy looking at things from different angles, seeing it in a different way or seeing a relationship in a different way or a small moment. I think novels are made up of those sometimes-small moments that take on meaning.

It almost felt suspenseful to me in a way, where you’re learning that the anti-choice senator mentioned was Faith’s old roommate and her botched abortion was a big part of Faith’s feminist awakening. Did those kind of moments just come to you?

They do, because it’s not a canned, planned thing. I think it just involves you being as immersed in the writing as you want the reader to be in the reading. I think it’s intuition. You follow the kind of book that you want to read — that generally is the kind of book that I want to write. And if you go to what feels true, what feels real, there’s always revision to go back and fix it. But I tend to follow the heat of what’s exciting and interesting me and what’s immersing me, because I think novels really are these deep-dive experiences. The ones I love, anyway.

How much did you want or expect any reader to pick up on those surprise moments?

I don’t really think about it, because I’m so deeply involved in creating this world. Like I’m so excited about it, that it’s me and the world. And I don’t know what the reader’s going to know and pick up. Later I want to be sure that it actually makes sense ― again, that’s what revision does ― but I think that when you’re excited as a writer, when you get excited about a passage, I tell students when I teach to trust that. To trust that excitement, and to try to stay with it. And sometimes some of the more surprising moments can come out in your excitement.

I really loved the book, and upon finishing it, I started thinking about how much I loved it and wondering if maybe much of that was tied to the fact that the themes and the larger life choices you’re writing about were very similar to things that I had gone through.

Oh, that’s interesting.

I was trying to parse that a bit. And then I realized it was funny and very apropos that my response to a novel that’s about struggling with questions of personal versus political responsibility basically had me asking myself the same questions. If that makes any sense at all.

Yeah, totally, I’m really glad to know that.

So that’s a long way of asking you, when you’re writing a novel that’s very deeply situated in a reality that people will pick up on, how do you create that story as it relates to the real world that we are living in?

I think one of the things that I like to do is to create almost a ― it’s a bit of a parallel universe, because there are all some real populated figures from it. But I get great pleasure in creating ones who don’t exist. Like the name of the magazine Bloomer, which is a couple of steps down in fame from Ms. as Faith Frank is from Gloria Steinem. So these are other people and this is another magazine, but that doesn’t exist in the real world. It’s almost a mash-up of things that are out there and things that I feel could be out there. So that’s what a fictional landscape can look like for me.

Of course with the things that are out there, you want to get them right. It’s important that the reader is not suddenly held up on something or distracted because they know more about it than you and it seems inaccurate. There’s different kinds of getting it right in a book ― the factual getting it right and then the emotional getting it right ― and both matter. But I love that part that is the fully invented world, the details. My son jokingly accused me of wanting to write novels so that I could make up things like the names of books within them, or the names of restaurants or movies that I have sometimes dropped into books. But I guess for me it’s just a reminder of the pleasures of invention. Getting things right so that they feel right is extremely important.

Colin McPherson via Getty Images

Meg Wolitzer.

I’m sure you’ve gotten already and will probably continue to, especially from women, because the book is so much about a feminist community, a lot of feedback about how “true” the book is to the current and recent moment. But what I’m getting from you is that it doesn’t necessarily have to feel like an actual reflection of the world we’re living in as much as an idea of one.

Well, I want it to feel like an actual reflection, too. If it’s possible to do both I would like that. I think that one thing novels can do is be a snapshot of a moment in time or a series of moments in time. So you want this to feel like, yes, this feels right about how people live. But everyone brings their own experiences or will feel ― this feels right to me, I see this differently. That’s part of reading. But since it’s not a non-fiction book there are different rules, if you will. There was that line by — is it Somerset Maugham? I can’t remember. I’ll have to look it up. “There are six rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.” Something like that, I can’t remember the number. [Editor’s note: Close! It’s three.] For me, it’s like the Emily Dickinson line, “Tell all the truth but tell it slant.” I hope to some degree I’m doing that here.

I was looking back at something you said to The Guardian about the character of Jules when you were talking about The Interestings. You say that she doesn’t stand for women everywhere, and you had to remind yourself of that sometimes. Do you think that that mantra applies in some regards to the characters in The Female Persuasion?

Yes, I think it applies to all novels really. Because unless you’re writing deliberately an allegory, you’re trying to get at something ― true fiction ― that’s different than writing a comprehensive social history. You’re trying to go specific and close-grained and look at particular people’s experience of making meaning of social justice, of ideas of power, of whatever it is in a particular chapter or moment. And in doing it through these people, they really need to be particular. But they reflect the light of the world, of course. When the world of your novel has some social commentary attached to it, you want it to be true and rigorous. But just as important is that the characters are really deeply explored. I mean, that’s true for me when I read a book. It’s not even my rules for myself; it’s just my rules about fiction generally. Reading, too.

You have so many good lines, like when Zee says: “I think there are two kinds of feminists. The famous ones, and everyone else.”

For me that line speaks so much to who she is and the idea of making meaning. Sometimes it can be done in a splashy way, but in fact most people’s lives aren’t the ones we hear about. They’re quietly doing good work. And I wanted to sort of honor and acknowledge that. Yes, she stands for that to some degree, but she really, really needs to be a person. There was a great line in a Flannery O’Connor essay, she’s talking about her short story “Good Country People.” It’s a pretty famous line now. And in the story, I don’t know if you remember it or know it, but there’s a young woman with a wooden leg, and a Bible salesman comes and steals her wooden leg, and audiences asked Flannery O’Connor, is the wooden leg a symbol, and she said ― I hope I’m getting this right ― she said, “Before it can be a symbol, it has to be a wooden leg.” [Editor’s note: The full quote is, “If you want to say that the wooden leg is a symbol, you can say that. But it is a wooden leg first, and as a wooden leg it is absolutely necessary to the story. It has its place on the literal level of the story, but it operates in depth as well as on the surface.”]

So characters who serve a purpose to represent ideas in a book must be really full and fully realized and full of what we call “felt life” as well.

There are two things at play in the characters in this book that I really enjoyed, which is that obviously they’re all very complicated ― you wouldn’t want to read about them if they weren’t ― but you didn’t really present any of them as inherently bad?

Yeah.

I get frustrated sometimes because a lot of books for adults are about really bad people, and it kind of bums me out. But I think instead what I see in this book ― and tell me if you think otherwise ― is that you have a lot of characters that you could argue are inherently good, and instead grapple with what that means for themselves.

Yeah, and sometimes do shitty things in that human way. And I think that it’s really important to let your characters do the things that they need to do. Readers sometimes get mad at you ― or get really impatient with your characters for not changing at the pace that they would like them to, and not being filled with the self-knowledge that they feel they should have. But people are sometimes really intransigent, and you have to let them just be themselves and sometimes it isn’t very flattering. But, yes, I feel that kind of humanity and compassion for them. If you start to really, really know them, you can feel something for them. You can certainly be frustrated with them, but chances are you’ll feel other things as well.

You have these people who disagree and have these conflicts, but still the book ends and they have seemingly managed to work through their problems in more cases than they didn’t.

I started the book around three years ago. The only thing that I ended up going back and in this sort of new climate doing, which is sort of obvious reading the book, is giving a nod to the Trump election and the dark future at the end of the book. And as I went into that a little more deeply, I was thinking about the ways in which the characters have their personal lives, but then they have this political landscape in which they’re living. And they’re interconnected but they’re separate, too. They love each other, these two characters, and that’s going on in this sort of dark time. And that felt right to me for their story.

You can have a lot of very horrible things happening, but your personal life still has to continue on.

I know, that’s the thing. Sometimes in a novel, it’s like everything stands still and in one layer. I like novels where you see the different layers, that in one part of your life something’s going on, but at the same time something absurdly different is happening, And how do you reckon with the two? And those contradictions, I think, are so much about how we live. Like, in the course of the day you can feel really good and really bad, really so depressed about what’s happening in the country and in the world and then you get a little piece of good news and you feel happy. Which is the real emotion? They live inside us, moving very, very rapidly.

Yeah, immediately after the election, I and probably many, many people were sort of like, what are we supposed to do? I was deeply depressed. It felt like there was really no way forward, and then you’re kind of like, oh wait, there is no other choice. I mean, I guess there is a choice to not do it, but really, is there?

Right, what are you going to do? I heard a story once about a woman who went into labor and hated it so much that she tried to run out of the hospital, as though that could do anything, and they’re chasing her like, wait, you can’t escape that.

But that goes back to certain issues in the novel about making meaning. The project-based kind of person which Greer really is, I felt — I went to the Women’s March in D.C. I went down there with my son and his then-girlfriend, who he’s now married to, and a bunch of NYU Law students on this boiling-hot bus going down to D.C. I think my face was really heated up, the bus was suddenly hot, and we got there, and people ― it’s like, you want to do something in a moment when you feel something very, very strongly. We feel the desire to change things, to do something. Or at least to be expressive. And I actually, before and after the election, was editing the Best American Short Stories. And they would come in in different packages, and my office at home was filled with manuscripts. My essay [for the introduction of the book]deals with reading in the time of Trump and fiction in the time of Trump, and the idea of reading. I sort of reached the conclusion that you go back to the reading experiences of the past in a way to propel you into some kind of hopefulness into the future as a reader. But you’re changed, and you have different demands, and you have new thoughts about the world. So it’s a work in progress, how we think about ourselves in this moment, I think.

Yeah, and I think the nice parallel that you have in the book is that you have these larger themes on, what is my place in the world, what am I going to do to make the world a better place or a worse place? But then you sort of also see a character like Cory really working through personal grief. I was fascinated that you allowed him to move out of that and to move past it.

I’ve seen people in deep grief and seen that there can be movement over time. I think what the novel can do is look at time, and if you’re looking at time you end up looking at incremental change of some sort of other. I remember a friend talking about a great illness that he had had and that when he could work again, he knew that he was a little better. And there is that sense in this book — the meaning of work, the dignity of work. And with regard to Cory and his mother. It wasn’t something pre-programmed for me. With him I wanted to really go slowly and look at his life over time. Because the novel can really handle time. You can stretch out in the novel, like a cat in the sun. You can stretch out and see what makes the most sense for your characters and their story. And more than that, for your sensibility.

There’s a great line of Zadie Smith’s, I often quote this line. It’s in an essay of hers called “Fail Better,” and she says, “When I write I’m trying to express my way of being in the world.” I think that’s such a great explanation for what novelists try to do, maybe sometimes without even articulating it to ourselves. I think that’s what I’m trying to do here. The things I’ve been thinking about ― grief, as well as some of these political issues. Even the coming-of-age story remains very interesting to me. How do we become who we are? How do we know that’s what we want to be? And just letting them take the time to get there.

It’s interesting that you bring up lines you remember like that one, because I feel like this book is really chock full of them. There are lots of sentences that stuck in my brain and I had to write them down, like when Greer is thinking to herself, “Apparently people never really paid as much attention to you…”

Oh, “… as you think they do.” Right. Oh, I’m glad, I’m really glad. In a way, the 24-hour news cycle and the heat of this moment is such a different experience from, to me, writing a novel, because I really love the slow intimacy of being in a novel as a reader and being in a novel as a writer. Sometimes it’s a feverish intimacy, but it’s a detailed one made up of moments, made up of mistakes that people make with one another, made up of little descriptions. That counts to me, that really matters, and sometimes we feel, reading the news, that some of those small moments get lost.

I can imagine it would be a real thrill to find a sentence and just be truly happy with it.

It is! It’s like you want to do the Snoopy dance when you write a line that you like, because there’s so many days that you get nothing.

Switching gears just slightly, I wanted to ask you about something I’ve noticed in a lot of your novels, which is that there seems to be a small theme of people coming to New York to start their lives as adults. You see in this book, the city seems to represent a lot to Greer in her relationship with Cory and even in her career.

Yeah, she has a fantasy of how she imagines herself, and it’s connected to seeing her life go ― controlling her life and having it be the way she’s always imagined it. And then it goes really differently. Nobody’s path is a straight road. It just doesn’t work that way. But people learn that again and again as if they’ve never seen that anywhere in their lives. But this idea of the city and living in Brooklyn and having the equipment for the young person’s apartment falls away, falls into a lost thing. And in fact Cory’s idea of how he imagined he would be falls away, too. And his notion of making meaning becomes something really, really different than he had anticipated. And that’s something that I just had to kind of learn on the job and see that that was what was going to be the case for him.

Their relationships with their parents ― it starts out that Cory’s parents are so loving, it’s this very tight-knit family, Greer is very distant from her parents, and then you see that things sort of switch for both of them. They seem to think they’re going to have these fixed relationships with these people, and it dawns on them that that’s never the case with anyone, even your family.

Yeah. Right. I don’t know if you ever saw the Michael Apted documentaries “7 Up,” “28 Up”...

Oh, I haven’t.

Oh, I really recommend them. I ended up going on about themwhen I was talking aboutThe Interestings, but I think they’re still so relevant in terms of ideas of time passing. So this British director, he did a series of films starting with the British children when they were 7 and following them every seven years. And there’s this one moment where one of the characters ― when she’s young she’s this upper-class girl and she seems a little snobby and is kind of funny and we don’t really like her, and she kind of seems like a parody of a sheltered, very wealthy British school child. And then later on, I think it might be around “28 Up,” her father dies, and she talks about that. And she seems so vulnerable that she becomes a much more … a figure we’d want to know more, and not like a cliche. She opens up more. I don’t know, I’m not recommending grief for anyone, but I feel like people have expectations of how their life will go, and it goes different ways, and the novelist’s job is to track that.

It’s weird because of course you would never want to recommend someone have suffering, but I have seen it in my own life that I feel that I’ve been bettered by going through difficult things. It’s a weird tension.

Yeah, I don’t mean that she becomes better. I just mean that we become more open to her and we see her more fully when she shows something of herself that isn’t fully armored in some way. Or actually, it’s not even fully armored, she’s not armored as a child. But things have happened to her that she didn’t know would happen, and she’s musing on that, and we start musing on that, too.

It ties people together in a way.

Yeah, it’s how I think about characters, really. Their life, like any persons, can’t be controlled fully by their will. We’re all vulnerable to so many factors.

Kate Dries is a writer and editor who lives in New York.

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Origin soruce : How Meg Wolitzer Built The Parallel America Of ‘The Female Persuasion’

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Heart of stone chapter 19

Surprisingly, shopping for Selena had been rather enjoyable. From sweaters and skirts, to jeans and boots – the possibilities with women’s clothing seemed endless. Looking at various styles and picturing certain items on Selena was an experience unlike any other. I was careful with my selections, keeping her tastes above my own. I wanted her to be pleased with my choices and know that I was keeping her interests in mind. And most importantly, I wanted to show her how much I wanted to take care of her, yet still allow her to maintain her individuality.

 I knew I was taking a risk. Selena might be down right furious once she saw everything that I had bought. But I also knew that she might be more apt to accept my gifts if she knew that I personally selected each item.

 When I arrived home shortly after six, I was pleased to see that the packages from the day’s spree had been delivered and that Vivian already organized my spacious walk-in closet to accommodate the purchases. It was strange to see the colorful array of cottons, silks, and cashmere hanging next to the line of utilitarian colored suits. Yet, I also derived a certain amount of satisfaction over seeing it, as if I had achieved some kind of great accomplishment.

 As I closed the closet doors, the intercom to the penthouse buzzed. I assumed it was Jeffrey letting me know that Selena had arrived, and it irked me that he hit the call button to announce her arrival. I had given him explicit instructions to simply send her up whenever she came to my home.

 “Yes!” I snapped into the intercom.

 “Mr. Stone. Ah…I, um Miss –,” Jeffrey started.

 Just what I thought.

 “Allow Miss Cole into the elevator, Jeffrey. Now please.”

 “Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. She’s on her way.”

 I walked away from the intercom speaker, not bothering to thank him. Whatever patience that I had for the bumbling doorman was starting to run thin.

 I waited in the entryway for the elevator to arrive. When the doors opened, my breath caught in my throat. No matter how many times I saw Selena, her beauty took my breath away. Her hair was in a loose ponytail at the nape of her neck, allowing a few stray curls free to frame her delicate face. Her tight jeans and scoop necked sweater accented every flawless curve of her body.

 She was perfect, like a goddess from the heavens. Little had I known that this woman would turn my world upside down when she slipped and fell that day at Wally’s. I wanted her then and I want her even more now – more than I ever wanted any other woman in my life. She was an angel.

 My angel.

 I closed the distance between us in less than a second and scooped her up under the legs to cradle her my arms.

 “Justin! Put me down!” she half scolded and giggled at the same time, swatting at my arm. I ignored her and breathed in the sweet smell of her hair.

 “Mmm…not a chance. I missed you,” I murmured into her ear.

 “Already?” she laughed.

 “Very much,” I admitted before kissing her softly. “You’ve been on my mind all day, angel.”

 “Oh, have I? I can only imagine all of the wicked things you were thinking today.”

 “Miss Cole, you have no idea.”

 I ran my nose down the length of her cheek to nuzzle the sweet spot below her ear. She hummed and closed her eyes, angling her head to the side. I moved back up, savoring the softness of her skin, nipping along the line of her jaw. My teeth grazed her parted lips and I kissed her again, but this time it was long and possessive. She surrendered and gave into my tongue, allowing me to revel in the taste of her.

 “I could get used to greetings like that,” she murmured once I gave her a chance to come up for air.

 “My girl likes being swept off her feet I take it,” I joked.

 I felt her stiffen in my arms.

 “I guess I do,” she said with a small smile. However, her grin didn’t quite reach her eyes, and I knew that she was thinking metaphorically about what I had said.

 “I was only messing around, Selena. After all, I did quite literally sweep you off of your feet.”

 “I know,” she said, planting a placating kiss on my cheek. I set her down, and if I wasn’t mistaken, I thought she looked relieved. Her sudden change of demeanor was perplexing.

     “You okay?”

 “I’m sorry,” she said sheepishly. “I think I’m just tired, that’s all. Somebody wore me out last night.”

 “I didn’t hear any complaints,” I said with a wink.

 “Oh, not at all. But I’ll have to admit, the day is finally catching up with me. I’d love to just lounge on the couch for a little while. Maybe watch a movie? What do you say?”

 A movie?

 Lying on the couch and watching a movie with a woman was foreign to me, yet it provoked some very interesting ideas. The thought of getting Selena horizontal had me readily agreeing.

 “I’m game for that. But first, I have something for you. Come with me.”

 I took her hand and led her into the bedroom. When we reached the closet doors, I paused before opening them. I was thrilled at the chance to give Selena her surprise, but I was nervous about it too.

 What if this is a mistake?

 I thought of the way her new clothes looked hanging next to mine. For me, it was simply a gift, one that I was anxious to give her. However, Selena had a tendency to look too much into things, and I was afraid of how she might perceive the appearance of my closet.

 Maybe I shouldn’t show her this. Not yet.

 “What is it?” she asked.

 Her question tore me away from the indecisive meanderings.

 I shook my head to clear it, feeling uncomfortable with the way I seemed to be questioning my every move as of late. I have always been confident in my choices, yet I seemed to stumble over the smallest of decisions surrounding Selena and it was starting to wear on me. I didn’t like it. Not one bit.

 Get your shit together and just give her the damn clothes!

 “It’s here. In my closet,” I told her.

 I opened the doors and gestured her inside. She stopped when she reached the threshold, not having to venture any further to see what was plainly before her. I saw her visibly blanch, in what I could only assume to be shock, before she slowly turned to face me. Our eyes locked, and hers were flashing with accusation.

 I should have waited.

 “Justin, you said that you had something for me. These are things. As in plural. Very plural.”

 Her voice was strained and I could tell that she was trying to keep her temper in check.

 “I just wanted you to have a choice, that’s all,” I tried to shrug off.

 She got quiet, unusually so. By the way she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, she appeared agitated. She attempted to tuck a curl behind her ear, but it sprang free again. I reached up to do it for her, but she jerked her head away so that I couldn’t. I dropped my hand to my side, knowing that she was just as angry as I feared she would be.

 She cast her eyes down, seeming to stare at some invisible speck on the carpet. Occasionally, her eyes would dart back up to her new wardrobe, but then down again as if she couldn’t bare the sight. Her silence was vexing, but I held my tongue, waiting for her to break it first.

 “I wish you didn’t do this,” she eventually whispered.

 “I wanted to,” I stated simply.

 She looked up at that, sticking out a stubborn chin.

 “What if I don’t want to accept?”

 I pursed my lips in annoyance, trying not to feel insulted over her rejection. I took a deep breath, reminding myself that Selena responded best to brutal honesty.

 “You’re not getting it, Selena. I want to buy you things. I want to take care of you. It’s a need that I can’t explain,” I told her, trying to sound as earnest as possible. “It makes me happy to do so, as I so discovered today. This is just something that you’ll have to get used to.”

 “Look, I appreciate it, but it’s you that isn’t getting it. A week ago we were both saying no strings attached. All of this is a whole lot of strings,” she said, motioning to the clothes with her hand.

 I chuckled at her unintentional pun, trying to keep the mood light. I was just grateful that she was talking again.

 “Angel, it’s only clothes.”

 “It’s more than clothes to me. It’s what it symbolizes.”

 “I understand your hesitation. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t know what possessed me to do it. I’ve never personally gone shopping for a woman before, not even for my sister. It was just…” I struggled trying to find the right words to explain my compulsion. “It was just something that I wanted to do. Accepting would make me very happy.”

 Her face looked pained, as if she were suffering from some sort of internal battle. She looked at me, eyes full of uncertainty, before walking into the closet and running her hand up and down the sleeves of the hanging blouses.

 “You shopped for all of this by yourself?”

 “Sort of. Hale may have had a thing or two to say about some of the stuff I bought.”

 Her head snapped around so fast that it threatened whiplash. Her eyes were round with apparent disbelief, but then she let out a loud and genuine laugh. The sound was infectious and music to my ears.

 “You two must have been such a sight!”

 I crossed my arms and smirked at her.

 “Are you laughing at me, Miss Cole?”

 “I would never dare,” she retorted.

 Her eyes twinkled, a sure sign that I was on my way to securing the win.

 “Does this mean that you’ll accept my gift?”

 “I suppose I could,” she mused the consent.

 I hesitated before dropping the next bomb on her.

 “I hope so, because this isn’t all of it.”

 Her shoulders slumped and she shook her head back and forth.

 “No more gifts, Justin,” she implored.

 “You said you’d accept. What’s next is just part of the package.”

 “Please. No,” she tried to deny, but I ignored her pleads.

 I went over to the dresser and picked up the small gift-wrapped box that I had left sitting there. When I turned back to face her, there was no describing the look of horror that spread across her face. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the package that was in my hand.

 I looked from her to the box, then back up at her. And then it dawned on me.

 “Chill out, baby. If I was going to propose, I’d do it better than this,” I said dryly. “Just open it.”

 I thrust the cube shaped box into her hand, annoyed that this was going so badly.

 A blush crept over Selena’s cheeks. I was fairly certain that her embarrassment over jumping the gun was the only thing that kept her mouth shut while she went to work on opening the package.

 Carefully, she pulled at the satin bow and slid her fingernail across the tapeline to unwrap it. Inside the box, nestled in a royal blue pillow, lay the necklace that I had a local jeweler custom craft for her.

 “Justin, it’s beautiful,” she said in awe. She ran her fingers across the platinum interlocked spiral emblem and over the three smooth sapphires that were placed in the surrounding circle. She looked up at me and smiled.

 Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

 Confident that she wasn’t going to argue with me about the necklace, I released a sigh of relief.

 “It’s a triskelion, or at least a variation of one,” I told her. “Some people call it a triskele.”

 “What’s a triskele?”

 “It’s a symbol of the BDSM community.”

 “Oh. Well, um…” she hesitated and her smile faltered. “Am I…to wear this? I mean, don’t get me wrong – it is truly a beautiful necklace. I’m just not too keen on advertising my new-found interests.”

 “Don’t worry,” I lightly laughed. “The triskelion symbol has many meanings actually, depending on who you ask. Most people you encounter will think it means something entirely different. I personally believe that may be why the BDSM community adapted it. Look it up one day, Selena. You may be intrigued by it’s history.”

 “How so?”

 “BDSM may be a subject that is never talked about, but many aspects of it are often in plain sight. Here, let me put in on you.”

 I reached to take the box from her hands. I could still see the apprehension on her face, but she didn’t argue when I secured the clasp around the back of her neck. The emblem rested perfectly against her smooth skin, accenting the flawless swell of her breasts.

 “Well, whatever the symbol is, you have impeccable taste. I love it, Justin. Thank you.”

 “I’m glad you do. That will make it easier to give you the last surprise.”

 “Justin,” she said in a warning tone. “I said thank you for the necklace, not the clothes. I’m still not sure what to think about those, let alone a third surprise.”

 “It’s nothing, really. This one is more meant as a joke than anything else. Open the top drawer for my dresser.”

 She eyed me suspiciously, but did as I instructed.

 “What’s this?” she asked after she peered at the contents.

 “Replacement underwear for the ones that I ripped off you. Remember?”

 I flashed her a devilish smile, recalling the night that I tore the black lace from her hips. The image of doing that again caused a stirring in my groin.

 “Oh, I can certainly remember! But this is more than a replacement – there’s got to be at least ten pair in here!”

 “A dozen to be exact,” I moved over to her and circled my arms around her slim waist. I leaned down to whisper in her ear. “So that means, I get to rip them off of you twelve more times.”

 I felt her shiver in my arms, and I knew then that I had truly won. I reached down to cup her behind, pulling her hips tighter against me.

 “Twelve more times, huh?”

 Her words sounded breathy already and I hardened in response.

 “Yep,” I confirmed, nipping at her ear. I trailed a line down her neck, feeling the beat of her pulse beneath her skin. My hands found the hem of her sweater, and I slid them up her back to undo the clasp of her bra.

 “Well then,” she started, but then paused to moan when I found one of her nipples. “We should, ah…we should get to work on that.”

 “I thought you wanted to watch a movie.”

 I rolled her taut peaks around between my thumbs and forefingers, flicking them softly while I did so.

 “The movie can wait,” she breathed.

 “Yes, it can,” I agreed, relishing in every response she had to my touch. I stepped away and reached into the drawer to retrieve one of the lace thongs. I looped it around my finger and held it out for her to take. “I think you need to go put on a pair of these so that we can test their durability.”

 “I’ll be right back,” she promised, taking the panties from me.

 After Selena disappeared into the bathroom, I went to the stereo to select a playlist for inspiration.

 Something darker I think.

 I wanted to show Selena something new tonight, to take her to a place that she hasn’t been. Selecting music that I thought was appropriate for what I had in mind, I turned back to the bed. Reaching up, I began to unlock the latches that held the crossbars in place for the St. Andrews cross.

 Once I was satisfied that everything was secure, I fished keys out of my pocket and headed over to my private closet to retrieve the leather cuffs that I would need. However, I was stopped midstride when I heard Selena cry out from the bathroom.

 “Oh, no!”

 She exited the bathroom looking like she might cry.

 “What? What’s wrong?” I asked, completely alarmed by her outburst.

 “I have my period.”

Justin started laughing like it was the funniest thing that he’d ever heard. I, on the other hand, was thoroughly annoyed,

 “This isn’t funny, Justin!”

 “Well, it does put a damper on my plans for you, but it’s your reaction that’s making me laugh.”

 He laughed harder when I scowled at him. I reached for one of the satin throw pillows that was on the bed and threw it at him.

 “You’re such an ass,” I told him, although my words didn’t carry any true venom. I too was fighting off a smile.

 “I take it that you’re surprised by your monthly friend?”

 “Sort of. I started getting a headache this afternoon. That’s usually a warning that it’s coming.” I frowned, feeling somewhat chagrinned over my negligence to the matter. “I really should keep better track, but since I wasn’t having sex until recently, I guess I didn’t see the necessity. I’m sorry.”

 “Don’t apologize for nature, Selena. It’s not your fault.”

 “I suppose, but that doesn’t change the fact that our night is ruined. No point in me staying over now.”

 “Don’t be ridiculous!” he exclaimed, as if it was the most absurd thing he had ever heard. “There are other things we can do besides have sex.”

 “Like what? That’s the only thing we do!”

 I tried to say it with a laugh, but it sounded forced. I was all revved up with nowhere to go. I wanted nothing more than to sit in a corner and pout for the remainder of the night.

 This sucks.

 Justin came over to where I was standing, his expression stoic as he pulled me into his arms.

 “You really should give us a bit more credit, Selena. Do you still have a headache now?” he asked.

 “Yeah, just a little one though.”

 “Well, let’s see what we can do about that. Shall we?”

 He released his arms from my waist and took hold of my hand. Leading me into the bathroom, he opened up the linen closet and began searching for something. I expected him to pull out aspirin for me, but instead he produced a bottle of bubble bath and scented oil.

 “What are you doing?” I asked curiously.

 “My grandmother used to say that the best cure for a headache was a hot bath. So, my angel, that’s what you’re going to have.”

 He went over to the massive, sunken marble bath and began to run the water. Unscrewing the cap for the bubbles, he began to slowly pour the thick soap into the water, mixing it with the scented oil. Before long, a soft smell of lavender and vanilla filled the room.

 “You know, if your trying warm me up to the idea of you taking care of me, it’s working.”

 He flashed me one of those sexy grins that I loved so much.

 “I must say – you certainly make me work for it,” he said lightly. He leaned in to plant a tender kiss on my forehead. “I’ll give you a minute of privacy so you can get into the bath. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

 Once I was alone, I had a minute to digest the unexpected. The impromptu bath that Justin had drawn for me was sweet – remarkably so. It was the exact sort of thing that Justin said he wasn’t capable of, and the same thing that I told him I wasn’t looking for.

 Teddy bears and roses.

 If the perfumed bubble bath wasn’t the definition of teddy bears and roses, then I didn’t know what was.

 An uncomfortable feeling began to form in my stomach, and I tried to ignore it as I undressed. After removing my clothing, I wrapped myself in a towel and stood in front of the vanity mirror. My cheeks looked flushed from the swelling steam in the bathroom and my hair was growing bigger by the minute. I hastily pulled it up into a messy bun on top of my head and secured it with a rubber band that I had around my wrist.

 Satisfied that my hair would stay put, I made my way over the bath. Seeing that it was almost filled, I reached down to turn off the faucet.

 Once the noise of the running water was silenced, I noticed that music was coming from somewhere. I looked around and saw that little speakers were strategically built right into the walls of the bathroom. The sound was soothing, fitting to the serene environment that Justin had created for me.

 However, despite the luxury that I was surrounded with, I still felt anxious and I wasn’t sure why.

 It’s because he’s breaking down your defenses.

 I dismissed the bothersome voice in my head immediately, determined to just enjoy the moment.

 It’s like I told Ally – live for today. Just take it as it comes.

 I stepped into the bath that was fit for a god, and sunk down into its sweet foam. Leaning back, I appreciated a few minutes of uninterrupted relaxation.

 When Justin returned, he was carrying two glasses of wine and was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. The lines of his abs rippled when he bent to set the glasses down on the ledge of the bath. I wanted to reach out and run my hands over his muscular contours, but stopped myself when I remembered why I couldn’t.

 “Justin, I’m sorry. But if you have plans to join me, I can’t when I have my –,” I started.

 “Relax, Selena. I have no expectations. Tonight, it’s all about you. Now slide up in the tub,” he ordered.

 I hesitated for a moment, but then did as I was told.

 Justin dimmed the lights so that there was only a soft glow about the room, adding to the tranquility. When he shamelessly dropped his towel, I found myself blushing for some unknown reason. I cast my eyes down, not wanting to brazenly ogle while he climbed in behind me.

 Once he was settled, he procured matches from somewhere and lit the candles that were placed in the corners of the marble surround. Pulling me back against him, I had little choice but to settle in.

 After a moment or two, he began to massage the muscles in my shoulders. A sigh of appreciation escaped me as I sipped on a delightfully sweet white wine and absorbed the music. I literally felt like a queen being pampered.

 “This song that’s playing...it’s really good. Who is it?” I asked, curious about the female artists sensual lyrics and textured contemporary sound.

 “It’s called “Breathe” by Of Verona. It’s on one of the playlists that I made for you.”

 “Oh, I didn’t realize. But then again, I haven’t had a chance to listen to all the songs yet.”

 “That’s a shame, but it might explain why I still have to try so hard to coerce you,” he laughed.

 “What do you mean?”

 “This particular song is on the Surrender playlist.”

 “I see,” I mused, suddenly very intrigued by what Justin hoped to accomplish with his playlists. “I’ll make a point to listen to them all soon.”

 “Actually, it’s okay if you don’t. I like seeing your reactions when you hear a song that you like. You’re very responsive to music.”

 “I know. It’s hard to explain. It’s like I can feel music, if that makes any sense,” I told him.

 Justin shifted his position slightly, causing his manhood to brush against my backside. The seductive music alone was doing a fine job of provoking my already heightened sexual ache – the last thing I needed was to feel that. A shiver of desire raced down my spine.

 “Is the water too cool?” Justin asked, seeming oblivious as to why I had quivered. I gave myself a lecture in an attempt to ignore the longing that I felt.

 Focus on the massage. Tune out the music. Just disregard the feel of his body.

 That’s wet and warm.

 And slick with bath oils.

 “No, the water is fine. Perfect actually,” I said, my voice sounding slightly higher pitched than normal. It was a real struggle to focus exclusively on the kneading of his phenomenal hands on my shoulders.

 “Hmm, yes. This is nice,” he agreed easily, but he seemed distracted.

 I glanced up at him. He looked lost in thought, and totally unaware of the torment I was experiencing.

 “What are you thinking about?”

 “Actually, I was thinking about this weekend. If the weather holds out, I thought maybe we could go out on my boat on Saturday.”

 “You have a boat?” I asked, seizing the opportunity to break the progression of my salacious thoughts.

 “Yes, I do. It might be the last chance we have to use her too. I don’t expect to have many more days of good weather.”

 “I don’t think I’d be much fun out on your boat. Frank used to take me fishing on Rensselaer Lake when I was a kid. I would always get seasick.”

 I could feel his chest vibrate with a low chuckle.

 “I’m sure my boat and the water conditions are quite a bit different than being out on Frank’s fishing boat. But don’t worry. I can get you a bracelet for seasickness if you need it. And there’s always a motion sickness pill, although I’m not a huge fan of them.”

 I watched the steam furl in the air above the tub and contemplated the likelihood of getting seasick. After a while, the lazy swirls were mesmerizing and I began to fully relax for the first time since Justin joined me in the tub. It seemed silly to fret over whether I may or may not get sick aboard his boat.

 “Whatever you say,” I agreed easily.

 Content to just appreciate the moment, I closed my eyes and breathed in the soft scent of the billowing moist air that surrounded us.

 Justin continued to knead the muscles in my neck and shoulders. When his hands moved down to massage my arms, I was starting to get drowsy with sleep. However, my eyes snapped open when I felt his fingertip brush over one of my nipples. I couldn’t be sure if it was by accident or not. However, when he skimmed over it a second time, I sharply sucked in a breath, knowing that it wasn’t merely happenstance. My nipples hardened in response, just aching to be touched, a painful reminder of what could not happen.

 Slipping both hands under my arms, he captured both breasts and I realized how heavy they felt. Yet, despite their fullness, his gentle rolling of the ultra sensitive points began communicating to another part of my body. Unfortunately, that area was currently wearing a do not disturb sign.

 It was like torture of the worst kind.

 “Oh, why couldn’t my period have come tomorrow?” Frustration gripped me and made the rhetorical question sound like a whine.

 “Shh…don’t talk, Selena.”

 He tilted his head forward and began trailing kisses up and down my neck. His teeth tugged at my earlobe, causing a shiver to race down my spine. I could feel his erection growing and pulsing against my lower back, a sure sign that he would soon have a frustration to match my own.

 “Justin, you’re making this worse,” I moaned. He moved his hands down my belly, coming precariously close to the mark before I stopped him by squeezing my thighs together.

 “Open your legs for me, Selena.”

 “You know I can’t.”

 “You can,” he persisted. Shifting his legs so that they came over the top of mine, he locked his ankles around mine. In one swift motion, he spread our legs out together. Water sloshed out onto the floor.

 “You’re making a mess,” I scolded, hoping to distract him from whatever it was that he had planned.

 “You really are a terrible submissive,” he murmured into my ear. Moving his hand back down to my waist, his finger circled my belly button before traveling farther south to find my sweet spot.

 “Or maybe…” I began, trying one last time to divert him from the inevitable. “Maybe I just have a bad teacher.”

 “Hmm,” he growled. “Don’t remind me.”

 Without warning, he pressed down on my clitoris. I could feel the nub instantly begin to pulse beneath his finger and I cried out. I arched my back, trying to squirm out of his reach, but my efforts were in vain. He still had my legs trapped and one arm secured tightly around my waist. There was nowhere for me to go.

 “Justin…” I tried to plead. However, my attempt to stop him was halfhearted. Despite my reservations, I craved his touch with every fiber of my being.

 “Trust me for a minute and just let yourself feel, Selena.”

 Ever so gently, he began to flick back and forth, teasing my pressure point. I was amazed at how quickly Justin had learned my body. He knew all the places that brought me the greatest pleasure, and he used that knowledge to make me crazy with need time and time again.

 Angling my head up, I looked at him. His blue eyes were blazing with so much heat that I had little choice but to surrender. I reached to pull his head down to meet mine, and gave myself over with abandon.

     ****

     I lay curled up against Justin’s side, listening to his even breathing while he slept. However, sleep was evading me, as the past few hours had been playing like a tiresome broken record over and over again in my head.

 Overall, our evening had been amazing in ways that were indescribable. Justin had unselfishly satisfied me without taking anything for himself. From the erotic pleasures he rewarded me with in the bath, to the way he carried me to bed for the night – he was true to his word and made our night together all about me. I couldn’t have asked for anything to be more perfect.

 But despite the seamless end to the evening, I couldn’t help but to remember how it started out. Justin was slowly tipping the scales in his favor, and it was terrifying.

 I was apprehensive about the slew of woman’s clothing that hung in his closet, clothes that I could not bring myself to think of as mine. I had concerns over accepting the necklace, which I was sure cost a small fortune. And while the clothes and the necklace may simply be material things, it was hard not to think of them as something more.

 I glanced down at the emblem that was still hanging around my neck. The sapphires sparkled, reflecting the moonlight that was streaming in through the windows. It was a beautiful piece, but I knew it would probably be best if I gave it back to him. It may be a symbol of the BDSM world, but to me it was more like Justin was putting his stamp on me, serving as another reminder of how fast we were taking things. We were moving at a breakneck speed, and it was more that just a little bit troubling.

 Just that very morning, I promised Allyson that I wouldn’t get in too deep. In fact, it wasn’t just an assurance that I gave to Allyson, but it was personal vow that I had made to myself. Yet here I was, ready to blindly fall. I couldn’t shake the nagging worry that I still may be subconsciously clinging to the hope of someday finding that white picket fence.

 The idea made me feel edgy. Restless.

 I rolled over, facing myself away from Justin. He stirred but didn’t wake. I punched at the pillow, but my efforts to get comfortable were not working.

 Happily ever after will never happen, Cole.

 After all, I was the one to set the rules. I had been blatantly clear about no strings attached. The time that I was spending with Justin was supposed to be a small step to putting the past behind me, not some massive leap that would leave me fumbling to find my footing again.

 I flipped over onto my back and stared at the ceiling.

 There was still too much that Justin didn’t know about me, and I barely knew a thing about him. He lived in a clandestine world of kink and sex clubs, where everything was one giant secret that I couldn’t be privy to. He spoke of domination, and that it was my duty to submit to his every need. But what he said that he wanted was confusing to me, as his actions showed differently. He catered to my every whim, striving to please me at every step, while I gave him nothing but push back out of fear that he would eventually change me.

 However, I was able to see the shift in Justin during the short time that we were together, and I was very conscious of the fact that it was me who was unintentionally changing him. Whether he was aware of what was happening or not, no good could come from it either way.

 What had begun on shaky ground was shaping up to be something more – something that I didn’t want. And I was fairly certain that Justin didn’t want it either. I felt like I was being pushed, lost in a colossal storm of emotions that I wasn’t ready to feel. I knew it was time to take a giant step back. If I didn’t, I sensed that it wouldn’t be long before I slipped and fell from the ledge.

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