#I saw this on Reddit and I died laughing

[dark-and-kawaii]

[alfredfortnitejones]

canon

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

Could you write about the twin of your choice with a s/o that’s always complaining about back pain because of their large chest lol

Let The Lord Hold Your Tits

I'm not meaning to be an asshole, but it's probably what he first saw about you

I write for young Tom btw, when he was sorta a player guy

His eyes went to your tits and ever since then he has been admiring 

At first he didn't know boobs can cause back pain

I don't know how, he just did

So when you complained about your back pain, he offered what he could

And what he could do was crack your back

He sucks at it though but he tries

But when he found out your boobs were causing you pain he was like

"Hold up- say that again??"

Was quite shocked when he found out your tits were the root of your problems 

He's a idiot though so he'll take the opportunity to hit on you

"Want me to hold them for you?"

Just smack him if you want but he'll still have that little smirk and laugh going on

He finds himself so funny

But if you take him up on his offer??

Yo, he was kidding but man he'll help

But in all seriousness he will try his best to help with your pain

He doesn't like to see his girlfriend in pain so he'll offer what he can

He sucks at it though so tell him what to do and he will

Will be up at night googling how boobs cause back problems

Turned into a dive and Georg, Gustav and Bill caught him with grandpa glasses on at 3 am reading horror stories about booby back problems on Reddit

They joined in on he dive and were horrified

Tom didn't think it could be so bad and that's how you ended up taping fake boobs to his chest

His back did not last and Georg, Gustav and Bill participates

Bill was amazing at it as always while Georg almost died and Gustav was having the time of his life

Tries playing the drums with his new pair of boobs and actually did surprisingly well

All and all, Tom didn't know boobs cause pain

He'll help by holding them honey, don't worry

It's Tom, he'll be shameless Abt copping a feel

Smack him, please

[ghostinthegallery]

Saw this and promptly died because I laughed so hard. Blame @metashard for showing it to me and making me go through the resurrection chambers 🤣

(meme also available here on reddit)

[the-catboy-minyan]

So if all Hezbollah members, including civilians that never saw combat (and people who owned a pager but weren't members of Hezbollah), can be classified as terrorists and any innocent child that gets killed when you attack those members are at fault for being in "such close proximity to terrorists to get hurt" even though those bombs were activated when the members were just just doing normal daily task in public such as grocery shopping then can we apply this logic to the IOF?

Can we blame all non-combatant soldiers for the massacres done by other soldiers and can we target those soldiers when they're off-duty in shops, schools, hospitals and if an Israeli child got killed or injured then its their fault for being "in close proximity to terrorists" or does that logic not work because only Christians and Muslims can be terrorists?

Also calling people being disgusted by you for making jokes about this terrorist attack "hatemail" and a "Jews are baby killers" thing (when you're literally laughing and justifying killing children) is laughably pitiful, you get 1/10 for self-victimization.

Plz try harder to not shame your colony of self-victimizers, you can't let those dead children steal the attention from you.

bitch you know what Hezbollah is, right? you understand the concept of terrorist organisations, right? fym "civilian hezbollah members"??

also lmao IOF I see who I'm talking to here

the fact that you're literally projecting how the antizionist movement treats current and former IDF soldiers and using our own arguments against us, it's just hilarious to me. the IDF is an actual military force with branches and roles of people that will never have to hold a gun in their lives except for the mandatory first 5 week training period. my friend reached military age and she's literally about to go serve in a dog shelter, a regular fucking dog shelter, like a volunteer job but getting paid by the government for it.

again, I'm not talking to someone about "think of the innocent children who died from an attack that hit 99% terrorists" from a person who didn't confirm if they cared about civilian israeli lives. over 100k people displaced, >1400 people murdered and raped horrifically, or are we not human enough in your eyes to deserve compassion?

any civilian being harmed is horrible, but you literally can't make an attack on that scale while guaranteeing 0 collateral damage, I did not personally make jokes on that situation, only shared ones I found on reddit, and I would not cheer if the attack did significant collateral damage, and from reports it seems that other people got hurt only in extremely specific situations. you'd fucking cheer if it was done to the "IOF" even if it harmed more kids than soldiers, so don't give me a fucking lecture over my morals, there's a block button at the top right.

these type of jokes are so out of character for me anyways, this is not something I usually joke about, but I had a horrific day yesterday and yknow what I think it's funny to think about how terrorists lost their balls from pagers. the VAST MAJORITY of people sustained minor injuries from that attack, the vast majority of the terrorists who carried their pagers barely even got harmed, this is really the hill you wanna die on? that an attack that barely grazed people is evil because of circumstances outside the attackers' control?

[trivalentlinks]

saw this cute reddit Am I the Asshole post by reddit user tway23421 with peak enemies-to-friends energy and thought my friends here might like it.

Also here's another enemies to friends story from its comment section with a similar energy, but from the rebellious asshole kid perspective (by reddit user D_OShae)

AITA (Am I the Asshole) abbreviations:

WIBTA = would I be the asshole

NTA = not the asshole

[Image ID

1st image: reddit r/AmITheAsshole

Posted by u/tway23421 11 hours ago

WIBTA for spraying some kid with my garden hose daily after he walks all over our lawn

I (37M) live with my wife (37F) and son and daughter ( 9 and 11 respectively).

Recently, there has been this kid who comes by our house after playing soccer and either rides his bike or walks over the lawn with his cleats on his way home.

It started out as me giving him stern looks whenever I saw him, then it slowly progressed to me asking him to just go around.

The last time I asked him to stop he made a point to stomp extra hard and twist his feet in to the grass to piss me off.

Since then Ive just been hosing him. The first time I sprayed him with the hose he ran off, but then for some reason he just started standing there while I hose him like he enjoys it.

Its now progressed to me sitting on my lawn chair pointing my hose at him, and him just staring at me while he does so. Sometimes we even make small talk.

Im ngl, it started off as a really bitter relationship, but Ive actually gotten to know the kid quite well, we talk for maybe 15-20 mins everyday, and he doesnt seem to mind being hosed down after sweating hard playing soccer.

He comes by daily and we just shoot the shit while I hose him and he stands there for a bit.

Wife told me I need to stop, even after I explained it to her she said Im making us look like childish idiots.

I guess I could stop, but honestly its really funny waiting for him to come by and I see no harm in it. WIBTA?

2nd image:

Comment by D_OShae 4 hours ago:

NTA, and this is actually kind of sweet.

When I was in my teens, I used to visit a small greasy spoon (diner) where my friend was a waitress. This old guy (late 70s) came in every day at the same time and sat in the same booth. He would order one of three meals. One time I sat in "his" booth doing some homework (and drinking a ton of coffee refills). The man came in and told me -- not asked -- that I needed to move. I did. It happened again a couple of weeks later. He called me a little bastard for sitting his both. A couple of days later, I did it again on purpose. He called me a little bastard and told me to move. I moved my books. The man grumbled and sat down.

Over the course of about two months this scenario got repeated. Somewhere along the line I asked him about a ring he wore. The stories started to come out. I learned he and his late wife came to that restaurant for over 20 years to have dinner. I was sitting in her place. However, I kept asking questions, and he kept relaying his stories. This man lead an AMAZING life, and I listened to any tale he wanted to share. This went on for two years.

When he died at the age of 81, I went to his memorial. I met his children and grandchildren. When they asked how I knew him, I told them my tale. His children laughed because he called everyone a little bastard, male and female alike. Then I began to recount some of the stories he told me. His children verified some, but then they heard stories he never told them. I ended up meeting with his children several times to tell them everything he told me.

Mr. Banhke, I am not a believer, like I told you many times, but I still think of you and your incredible life. You are not forgotten.

]

AITA (Am I the Asshole) abbreviations:

WIBTA = would I be the asshole

NTA = not the asshole

[high-mackrels-musings]

On the Jedi and Death

Another adaptation of a Reddit piece I submitted not too long ago found here.

When I wrote of the relationship between the transcendentalists and the force, I had in mind of the relationship between death and the force. And how indeed the Jedi view on death might be contrasted with that of the Sith. being perhaps one of the greatest signs of that selfishness that George a Lucas was attempting to warn us of.

Much of what I have I say has oft been repeated before, and I doubt much revelation will come from this short essay. Certainly I think there has come a great deal of misconceptions come about when some people speak of the Jedi and their views on attachment, as relates to them. 

There are still, even with the added discourse towards the prequel era Jedi and their views on attachment, whom believe that the Jedi have little emotions towards others. A stark contrast when one compares the words of Mace Windu, Adi Gallia, Plo Koon to Aayla Secura with regards to the of Master Tyvooka as found in Star Wars: Republic 37

This may all at a glance seem to go against what Grandmaster Yoda said in perhaps the most famous quote in all of Star Wars with regards to as found in Revenge of the Sith,

"Death is a natural part of life, Rejoice for those around us who transform into the Force. Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not. Attachment leads to jealousy, the shadow of greed, that is.

Indeed many a great deal of misconceptions with regards to the Jedi, and their alleged callousness towards others occur with this quote. First one must note that Yoda never shown any signs of thinking mourning another is wrong. Indeed in the novel, Yoda: Dark Rendezvous Yoda not only allowed Whie and Scout to mourn their masters, he mourned alongside them. 

“Yoda told stories, and ate, and cried, and laughed: and the Padawans saw that life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.”

Yet even if one we’re to not know this, I would urge one to consider the context of the quote, wherein Anakin precedes this quote by saying to Yoda that he will not let his visions come true. Hence Yoda calling attachment the shadow of greed. One might interpret this instead as Yoda reaffirming to Anakin that the Jedi accept, that is not something to fear. One might interpret his words to be about Anakin already mourning and dreading the loss of this person close to him. He is trying to hold onto someone, and as we know nothing is forever. David talks Star Wars goes rather in depth with that point of view here.

The sense of loss of something has always haunted Anakin as seen in the Revenge of the Sith Novel where a flashback takes us back to Anakin and Obi-Wan observing a dying star. 

"It is the way of the universe, which is another manner of saying that it is the will of the Force," Obi-Wan had told him. "Everything dies. In time, even stars burn out. This is why Jedi form no attachments: all things pass. To hold on to something- or someone-beyond its time is to set your selfish desires against the Force. That is a path of misery, Anakin; the Jedi do not walk it."

That is the kind of fear that lives inside Anakin Skywalker: the dragon of that dead star. It is an ancient, cold dead voice within his heart that whispers all things die...

Once more it is shown that to the Jedi  death is natural and not something to shy away from, as Obi-Wan says it is the path of misery. Anakin’s fear of is evident and it leaves him vulnerable to his downfall, his fear of and inability to love without attachment means Sidious is able to manipulate him. 

Death should be expected and felt, as explained by Quinlan Vos to Aayla:

And fear of death is how we can contrast the Jedi view of against that of the Sith. No matter how powerful any Sith might have been, there is always this lingering fear of death in all of them. From the most powerful of Sith Lords such as Valkorion, Plagueis, and Sidious each of them sought an escape from death, whether it be through the use of clones, proxies, or a manipulation of midichlorians. 

Indeed Star Wars is not exempt from many Sith who escaped would be, look no further than Darth Maul who stated to escape death he tapped into his hatred, or Darth Sion, a being so determined to avoid that his very body was decomposing. Maul’s own survival and quest for revenge ultimately left him mad. We can see that neither of these existences are what one might call peaceful. 

Indeed the Sith quest for ultimate life has on brief occasions resulted in some Sith managing to linger on after, some Sith even staying as ghosts, yet these existences are anything but peaceful. 

The irony of course is that no matter how much Sith crave eternal life, only the Jedi truly can achieve this goal as seen in a conversation between Qui-Gon and Yoda:

"The ultimate goal of the Sith, yet they can never achieve it; it comes only through the release of self, not the exaltation of self. It comes through compassion, not greed. Love is the answer to the darkness.”

Love being key to a Jedi, as George Lucas has never once stated Jedi cannot love as seen in an excerpt here about love.

“They can still love people. But they can’t possess them. They can’t own them. They can’t demand that they do things. They have to be able to accept […] their mortality, that they are going to die. And not worry about it. That the loved ones they have, everything they love is going to die and they can’t do anything about it. I mean they can protect them as you would ordinarily protect, you know, ‘Get out of the way of that car.’ Somebody charges you with a gun, you knock the gun out, but there is an inevitability to life which is and you have to accept that.”

Returning to Anakin it’s here we see a difference on how he cannot live knowing that others around him will die. That’s how a Jedi lives they see as not something to fear, but as a part of life that will eventually claim them all, hence Yoda’s words in Return of the Jedi:

“Strong am I with the Force, but not that strong. Twilight is upon me, and soon, night must fall. That is the way of things. The way of the Force”

Once more I don’t expect this post to contain much revelatory information, but I do think it’s important to have these sort of quotes and examples here for people to be able to read them and have at their disposal. The Jedi view of mortality is quite a peaceful one, and in my personal life I’ve always found it to be a sort of comfort, knowing it will come and willing to accept it is not always something we see in media. And in the end that seems to be consistent with Lucas’ desire for us to see the Jedi as unselfish.

[militarymenrbomb]

if you're not into stories, just pass this up.

I don't know if it's true or not, but it's from a Reddit that claims to post true gay military stories from followers.

Hook up in Iraq: part 1 the glory hole at the rec ctr

I was Air Force guy deployed to this location on the lower part of Iraq. I won’t disclosed the name but it’s kinda like NATO cuz they had Italian military that’s it and US of course. There were lots of muscular American civilian security all around. There is a holy site right outside the gate. And you have to go to the rec ctr to make a reservation to see it. That’s when I discovered the gh at the men’s bathroom lol. I went one of the toilet and saw the hole . I almost died laughing . It has a sign , come between 9 pm and- midnight to get serviced. I was who tf did this. It’s not a big base so you kinda remember a few hot military guys if they go to the gym, get their laundry or shop at the px. I got curious so I went the following night and hid on the other stalls. Put an “out of service sign “ cuz no one cleans that bathroom omg ! lol if they do prolly once a week !

I hear footsteps so I put my feet up so no one sees me. The giver is posted and just waiting . lol! He has certain brand of shoe that I can recognize if I see him. I heard second footsteps. I can’t see who it is cuz I’m all the way to the left stall . I heard door closed. And some sucking motions and moaning! lol. I was nervous and excited at the same time that I started jerking off while squatted and trying not to make some noise. He came few mins later and left. I would say about 20 mins later the 2nd guy came . I can see the top of his head cuz he was tall af! Blond hair for sure. Same thing but this time the stalls were rocking like he was fucking him. And they’re both moaning so he must be getting fucked. lol. I was so hard I wanted to cum but I’m like in difficult position lol so I didn’t . I edged and edged . The last guy took about an hour to come in. Nothing special but he tried to open my door I was so scared. Good thing he realized it’s out of service or I would have been busted. Omg! As soon as the receiver left I was so tired so I left through the emergency exit. It’s safe cuz there was no light outside . I scoped it the day before my exit route ! lol! I was trying to see who the shoes belong too but first few weeks I can’t so I gave up! But when I went to pick up my laundry, there was a cute army guy in pt gear who had the same brand of shoes . I never asked or talk to him but every time I see him, I waved at him . He was prolly confused at. lol !

[beheworthy]

Heimdall and Thor's mother genuinely like Jane without even meeting her. Others don't like it or don't care.

When Odin threw him on a backwater planet, he didn't know his son will find the next Queen there. As is shown, he has had many lovers before in his 1500-year-long life, but with Jane, everyone just knows he's dead serious about her.

Also, everyone just knows what happened on Midgard: Odin in his Odinsleep, Loki makes a r*pey comment about paying her a visit (what the f?), Sif and Frigga talk about her (though this could be Sif recounting her experience on Midgard to the All-Mother but the point is that they know), and of course, the all-seeing Heimdall.

I'm assuming the word spread (accentuated by the Warriors Three) and the general public also has an inkling about their Crown Prince's dalliance with a Midgardian maiden on his exile.

1. Odin is obv unapproving because she's not a blue blood like them - a royal or even an Aesir. She is as far away from being an ideal daughter-in-law as she can be. He pushes for Sif. And his argument for that is this:

*clenches fist* We need to talk about this line.

This is his view of a Queen, that she'd serve the King like a servant by bearing him children and present herself to being used by him whenever he pleases. That's vile.

He's not in favor of Sif, he just wants Not-Jane. Anyone but a lowlife Midgardian. Why? Because her flimsy lifetime makes her unfit to 'serve' the King. And an Aesir woman would be able to do it better. The Aesir women 'lying' in front of him like things!

What's worse is that Thor doesn't even react to his father's abhorrent way of thinking :(, he's so used to it. Thor would never treat his Queen this way, jeez! But Reddit and Tumblr keep telling me how great it is that Thor is given parallels with this man in Thor3 and Thor4 as tho he was a positive influence on him :)

I thought Odin would eventually come around on Jane but his hostility only increases when Frigga dies 'because of her'. And he just never approves of her till he lived, not even for his son's sake :( I headcanon that Odin stayed near Thor and Jane's home when he was exiled by Loki and saw how happy Thor was with her.

2. Loki is actually understanding of how much wrong Thor is doing to himself by setting himself up for much bigger hurt. He should cut ties now when it will hurt less rather than later when she dies in a fraction of his lifetime anyway, leaving a gaping hole in his heart.

He's right but no one understands the predicament my man was stuck in. He had already done what Loki is saying by breaking his promise and not going back so Jane could move on with her life and contented himself with looking at her from Asgard. But when she got in mortal danger because she was looking for him, he can't just leave her now. He had to do justice to her this time, All-Father be damned.

I find it fascinating that Odin's opinion of Jane was about kingship and Loki's was about love and companionship.

3. Frigga and Heimdall are fully approving of her :D She has all but accepted her as her daughter-in-law and given her blessings to them. She died saving her. What more can you ask of her?!

And Heimdall is the only one who knows about his longing for her (that little laugh when he first asks her if he can see her at the end of Thor1). He knows how much Thor hurt himself by asking about her every day when he was never going to go back.

Also, I'm certain the Aesir people will be pretty accepting of her as their Queen, given how peaceful they're shown to be. :)

[melyzard]

Yo, so, I come from reddit because I saw your tumblr post posted on reddit where you described how you were born when your mother was laughing hysterically when your father came back from work confused because his uniform was just disintegrating because in a fit of rage a few days before that she ripped a lot of the stitches from his uniform and I wanted to know how is your parents relationship. Are they still together? How did your father take it?

Reddit? Oh crap, it's escaped containment again....

Okay so I will say right up front for those that always say "this is a story about abuse!" that this was not abuse because it happened ONCE, my mom apologized and never did it again, and also my father never paid for that uniform in the first place and didn't pay for a replacement (and also, it was work clothes, not something he loved and treasured, so). It was a ridiculous, silly situation between two frustrated twenty-year-olds, and as far as I've ever heard, not only did he also laugh really hard, even while hustling my mom to the hospital to, you know, give birth, but he told that story to anyone who would listen. He was a pretty big prankster in his own right, and that my mom got one over on him in such a major way delighted him.

Unfortunately, he died awhile back in an accident, so no, they aren't together still, but everything I saw or heard about them together indicates they had a really good relationship. And my mom still tells that story whenever she gets really irate about something (in a very Watch Out, Your Clothes Might Disintegrate kind of way). So while it's not a happy ending necessarily, it's still a pretty good memory.

[amarantine-amirite]

Time and Place

Sophie died. She got hit by a car.

I found out after seeing a story in my newsfeed about two burglars who were struck by cars and killed. The first got struck on her way to the scene of the crime, and the second got hit on his way home from the scene of the crime. The prevailing theory is that they were struck because the drivers couldn’t see them. While wearing visible clothing could’ve prevented their deaths, it also would have resulted in them getting caught.

I am almost positive one of those burglars was Sophie. She was a terrible kleptomaniac, I wouldn’t put breaking into homes to steal past her.

Her funeral was today. The list of speakers they had included her parents, psychiatrist, the principal, the kids in her homeroom, and two moderators from the r/fuckcars subreddit

Luckily, I didn’t have to speak. I’m not afraid of public speaking, what I have to say was probably stupid and inappropriate. Nobody wants to hear about how her recently deceased classmate died because she was a rabid kleptomaniac. And that’s before I burst out laughing at anything the Reddit moderators say.

One of the kids made a presentation about white privilege. One of the examples of white privilege they cited was the ability to remain visible at night while walking naked. I legitimately burst out laughing. I know that this is not the right time, but seriously, was there ever a right time? Besides, the guy’s presentation was about streaking, that’s funny.

Advising people to wear lighter-coloured clothing while walking at night so that motorists and other road users can see them seems like common sense, but according to this person, it’s blaming victims. 

One of the r/fuckcars mods spoke after this kid. Her name was Mandy, and she had blue hair, John Lennon glasses, and no fashion sense. I had no trouble believing she was a Reddit moderator.

I was able to keep a lid on it while Mandy gave her speech. That is, of course, until she said, “Speaking from my experience as a bike courier, we wouldn’t need to worry about nighttime visibility if it weren’t for cars.”

Now, what she said had to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I had to say something. “Um, yes,” I said, “you do.”

Mandy shook her head and aggressively pointed at me. “No, you don’t understand,” she shouted, “if somebody gets hit by a car, the car is going to win because, in the battle of flesh versus metal, metal always wins.”

“That’s true,” I nodded, “but I believe you’re missing the point.”

“No, you’re missing the point.” 

I hadn’t missed the point. She had. I quickly pointed out, “You can still get plowed by somebody on a bicycle because they didn’t see you.”

To my surprise, Mandy backed down. “And how do you know that?” she asked. 

“Once, when I went skiing at night,” I began, “I saw someone get run over by somebody who didn’t see them because they wore an all-white ski suit,” I said, “That had nothing to do with cars and everything to do with the person blending in with their background.” I’m not exaggerating. I had a bright pink ski helmet for the very reason that if you wear all white on the slopes, nobody can see you. That’s especially true at night.

Mandy wasn’t too thrilled to hear a skiing story. “You ski? Wow, spoiled brat who doesn’t understand how the average American lives.”

“My point is that if you wear something that looks like your background, you are going to be hard to spot. That is the essence of camouflage!” I couldn’t believe I had to explain this to someone more than once.  

Mandy shook her head. “that doesn’t change the fact that Sophie got run over!” she sneered, “if you’d listened to your classmate, you’d know that expecting people to dress to be seen is racist!”

I shrugged, grimaced, and pointed at the screen. “The guy’s presentation was about streaking!”

Mandy’s lip stiffened and she narrowed her eyes. “Do you have something against the naked body?”

“Not all naked bodies, but yes, definitely the naked bodies of those who streak. Believe me, none of those guys look good naked.” 

Mandy put two fingers on her temple and glared at me. I grimaced and shrugged, “You can’t blow up my head with your mind!”

Mandy made herself bigger, ready to fight. “I’ll settle for an aneurysm,” she retorted, “I shouldn’t have to stand here and listen to this trust fund bitch car-splain why the 1% is so much better than everyone else!”

“No, I’m not,” I winced, “You are a nutcase!”

Mandy lunged at me. The gym teacher had to break us apart. 

I got sent home for misbehaving halfway through the funeral. I now know why more people don’t have Reddit moderators speak at funerals. 

@creativepromptfills

[tjalexandernyc]

so I am currently in a real state over this next book, real crunch time stuff. My wife, whom I love, has offered to "help around the house" doing all the chores I normally would do. Like cooking dinner. "I want to take some of the stress off you," said my wife. Whom I love.

Anyway I just emerged from working like 12 hours straight to my wife nervously standing in the kitchen saying, "OK now don't be mad......." I was sure she had somehow broken our new rice cooker (which I love. Not as much as I love my wife but....it's a REALLY nice rice cooker) so I was trying to gird myself for that when she picked up the airtight container I keep our rice in and said, "I think we have rice weevils."

Me: what

Her: Weevils. In the rice. I saw them.

Me: Okay....?

Her: So I went ahead and started cooking the rice for dinner--

Me: Wait why? If there's bugs in the rice why would you cook it?

Her: Because you said to make rice for dinner.

Me: But the bugs???

Her: Yes, I also thought that would be an issue. Which is why I'm telling you about it now.

Me: I don't--what am I supposed to do about the bug rice?

Her: You might know more about the rice than me. Maybe the bugs aren't so bad. Maybe we can still eat the rice. But if you--

Me: You thought we could EAT the BUG RICE?

Her (getting a lil snippy I gotta say): I wasn't SURE. But if you said no, we shouldn't, then I could dump out the rice in the rice cooker and go buy fresh rice. But I didn't want to disturb you so I waited for you to come out here to ask. And in the meantime, at least rice is cooking in case the bugs are not a big deal.

Me (absolutely convinced I've died at my desk and this is all a weird dream at this point): Okay. We can't eat bug rice. But--you're sure there were bugs? That container is airtight.

Her: Yeah, look!

We both then proceed to spend about 15 minutes staring into the clear plastic rice container, turning it every so often like those sand object-finder toys kids sometimes play with. There's nothing in there but rice. Once in awhile my wife gasps and points at something that "definitely moved" but it's just rice. We end up dumping all the rice out onto sheet pans so we can stare at every individual grain. No bugs. Just rice.

My wife (whom I LOVE): wow...............guess I need to stop staring at that subreddit about bugs

Me, wrist deep in rice that I'm now trying to shovel back into a container: what

Her: I've told you about the What Bug Is This reddit. The one where it's always either a weevil or a spotted lanternfly? (laughing to herself) Yeah I was looking at it a lot today. Right before I went to cook the rice actually.

Me:

so that's the story of how dinner's going.

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

#2 Ode to Grief:

"Avenge him?" The king laughed, not cruelly, it was the sort of pitying laugh one might give to a slow-witted child. ''How can you avenge him? I am not the one who killed Jing Ke. He was already a dead man walking. His fate was sealed the moment he set foot outside of Yan. Even if he had succeeded in taking my life, he would not have lived long enough to enjoy it. He knew this. You knew this, and yet you still let him go. So who among us is the real murderer? Yes, it was my sword that struck him down, but Ying Zheng was just a frightened man lashing out in self defence--getting chased around the room by a knife-wielding assassin tends to bring out the worst in me. But why didn't Gao Jianli ask his Jing Ke to stay? To give up his misguided revenge fantasy and settle down in the countryside to grow old together? I saw his eyes before he died. They were not the eyes of a hopeless man. Jing Ke wanted to live. He might have chosen to live, for you."

--------

the emperor's shadow was great but i will die mad for the blatant jing ke/gao jianli erasure. some crimes can never be forgiven.

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ying zheng, after spending 5 minutes listening to Gao Jianli talk about Jing Ke: I Know What You Are

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qin dynasty reddit r/relationshipadvice: i (m 33) met this cute musician (m 28) but i killed his bf (m 29) in self defence after he tried to assassinate me. how many weeks should i wait before i start hitting on him? also are blind dates still cute, yes or no?

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ok look. i know it's SUPER rude for ying zheng to refer to everyone by their given names, given that he's trying to win gao jianli over, but IDK what their styled names are so pls roll with it for now. i mean, he IS the king does that count for anything?

[puckthedrama]

https://www.tumblr.com/puckthedrama/752938716465643520/idk-what-it-is-but-disheveled-quinn-looks-so-much?source=share

the biggest running joke with Canucks fans, especially on our Reddit page, is just loling about how harrowed and disheveled our captain looks. And everyone loves it so much. A comment I saw recently is “I can’t wait until he’s the first player to look depressed when lifting the cup” and I died laughing. It’s a part of his brand! We love our haunted, confused, always looks like he’s on the verge of driving off a cliff king 🫡

whereas Jack has always seemed to be more social and energetic of the siblings so I think it’s more concerning when he goes to Quinn level hahah

lol he does look confused and startled all the time 😭😭 but he looks cute while doing so! so it’s okay!!

and yes i agree, it is stranger to see jack like that so that’s probably why people get weirded out lol

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

Is it me or does it feel like our fandom is slowly healing? Positive vibes everywhere and I have seen so many funny posts in a row, sometimes I can't stop laughing. I am glad that the boys can enjoy their break but the fandom is kinda coming back to life again <3

Well...i think it's also because the Rammstein tour is over and the band are out of the limelight, that always causes less fandom sharing, and also because of it the media attention (and with that the fandom attention) to the allegations has died down a bit.

'Our fandom' has always been pretty varied imo, and that's probably that way in many fandoms. People like the band for different reasons and that's okay; i know peoplewho went to the live shows because of the great show ("the music isn't really my thing"), some people like to watch the good looking pictures, some fans think Rammstein is Till and some random musicians (like when a while ago a part of the fandom leaked that Rammstein would do a cover of a spanish song, and i turned out that was for Till's other band), some are in it for the dark lyrics, some have no idea what the lyrics are about but like that they sound cool, and some find support in Rammstein in a difficult period in their life 🌺

The Rammstein fandom has probably changed over the years, especially social media wise. Some people post a lot quality stuff and at some point loose interest, move on with their life, don't spend as much time on social media. If i see some of the older posts here on Tumblr that easily got 300-400 notes, and now, especially out of tour season, you're lucky if you get 50-100. I'm glad i wasn't here during the Mutter era fall-out, because i'm sure i would have left knowing there was all that trouble in the band. There are some great Tumblr blogs i started following when i just got to Tumblr, who haven't posted in years, some stopped before 2018 (even before the Untitled album and the staidum tour), some we lost this year; some because they don't like the band anymore, some because they don't deal well with the negativity vibe of others.

Also, sometimes i'm amazed how different X, Instagram, Facebook, Reddit, Tiktok or Tumblr are, fandom-wise... That already struck me before, but since the allegations surfaced it's imo more polarized than before. I saw some people (on other sm) join the discussions with 'I don't really follow the band, but am interested in what's happening now', some have made up their minds as soon as the allegations started and started cancelling Rammstein, some have gone the other extreme and, now that some allegations haven't been proven, consider anything that has come to light as untrue even stuff that has been plain to see for years (which has again others argue 'if it's plain to see for years, you knew that it happened and you condoned it, so you're just as bad'). Some are only now reading the lyrics and consider them 'reality'. Some condemn Schneider for sharing his IG post. Some have come up with conspiracy theories that it's all a controlled 'setup' from 'the left wing media' to bring down the band. Some right wing fans now consider Rammstein right-wing too, because left-wing people are vocal in the allegations (That last part is probably what annoys me most, that some make a political topic out of it.).

I think this allegations stuff changed the fandom, and i think it has changed the band as well. That is not necessarily a bad thing, life is change, and i think the fandom had a major reshuffle because of it. The band will build on this together, like Schneider said 'all six of us'. And so can we 🌺

Panta Rhei (Everything flows, nothing stays the same, you can't step into the same river twice)

[cl0udstrife]

alt text:

The original post, a Reddit post on r/harrisonburg by u/MarkWestin.

Need a fake kid to piss off my wife

My wife and I are watching Elf together and we saw the part where Buddy (Will Ferrell)'s real dad (James Caan) tells his wife about Buddy, and his wife (Mary Steenburgen) gets excited about this surprise adult kid that pops into their life from a time before they knew each other.

I point out to my wife that it's a little unbelievable that she (Mary Steenburgen) would immediately be on board. I then comment that she (my wife) would actually be mad at me in this situation, even if I genuinely did not know this kid existed and it was conceived before I had met her.

She denies it, but I know my wife.

We're in our early 40s and have been married 10 years (together for 12). So, I need a 20ish kid to knock on the door and tell me they're my kid and that they just wanted to meet me. Gotta be convincing and really talk about how your mom and I were once really happy before she died of something tragic (dealer's choice).

Job pays $100.

Gender, race, etc don't matter so long as you can pass for early 20s. Shouldn't take more than an hour of conversation then you "get a call" or something and have to leave.

Want to do this soon after the new year. You come up with the backstory, and I'll play along. I'll give you a little info up front after you take the job.

And the update from justiceandwar98 on Tumblr.

There was an update - he hired a kid who did kind of look like him, apparently was a very good actor. Convinced the wife in like 20 minutes, and then had a preplanned exit. Wife was bewildered but kind of excited? Hubby kept it up for a few hours before coming clean, and she was so amused, tho she said she'd get him back laughing emoji