#I saw a post saying “imagine having beef with a four year old that loves you and it had me ROLLING

[takeyourprecioustime]

Okay imma be so fuckin foreal rn like when I was young my mom whipped me and my sister whilst my dad didn’t bc he was abused and didn’t want to be like his dad. And now when I bring it up how it was kind of messed up my mom says “look how good you turned out!” Puts such a sour taste in my mouth. I would only be “good” if I was whipped. And I was whipped more than my sister, you know how that fucks up a kid?? I’m not trying to gain oppression points or whatever but like Imagine if an adult talked back to you and you took off your belt and whipped them like that’s not appropriate on an adult why is it appropriate on a child ??????

[deejadabbles]

A Thousand Songs (Atem/Yami x Reader)

Chapter Three: I Love You

One /// Two /// Three /// Four /// [Five Coming Soon]

Summary: You knew that you and your band could make it big. Not only that, but stay together while doing it; the five of you were family, after all. The only problem was that despite all your musical talents...none of you were particularly good at lyrics. After years of struggling to put out your first full album, the solution finally made himself know in chance meeting on an empty stage.

Rock Band AU, Atem x Reader, gender neutral reader.

Atem’s mind was still reeling as he parked his car in the lot of his building. It had been a normal and rather mundane day at first; he woke, made breakfast, ran his errands, then went to rehearsal. The rehearsal was particularly boring, considering he already memorized their new set of songs for the next show (good thing this was the last few days of rehearsal before the new show debuted). It was likely that very boredom that gave Atem his wistful thought as he packed away his violin. Everyone else had gone, bidding him good night or not even speaking to him as they moved on to their own plans for the night, and Atem found himself alone in the theatre. The stage had always held a bit of...glamour to Atem, and a simple walk around the grand set alone had got him daydreaming- which turned into him singing.

The young man sighed to himself as he rode the elevator up to his floor. He had thought he was singing to himself, that the theatre was empty save for himself and the janitor who was usually outside smoking that time of night. Imagine his surprise when an audience of one had ambushed him the moment his solo was done. He let out another sigh as the elevator stopped.

Atem was careful when opening his door, and the reason why made herself apparent when a delicate ‘mew’ greeted him.

“Hello, Bastet,” he greeted the gray tabby as she rubbed her chin against the door, trying as always to explore beyond the confines of the penthouse.

He scooped her up into his arms as he shut the door, then wandered to the kitchen as his mind continued to replay the odd incident at the theatre. Despite Atem’s shock, the boy- Yugi’s enthusiasm actually made Atem...consider the out-of-the-blue proposal. Him, a first chair violinist, write songs for some rock band? The idea seemed ludicrous at first glance... but, Atem would not deny his interest.

After setting Bastet down on the leather stool by the breakfast bar, Atem pulled out the black business card from his coat pocket, the title “The Dark Magicians” being the first golden text that caught his eye. The name had captured Atem’s interest from the start, though he couldn’t be sure if the name had anything to do with his favorite card from the old Duel Monsters game.

Behind the name of the band, was a circular logo (again, a bit reminiscent of the duel monster) and Atem recognized the symbols of the zodiacs, as well as some other markings he vaguely remembered seeing somewhere, but couldn’t place the meaning of in the moment. Atem then flipped the card over and saw what looked like the names of their social media accounts, but only got a brief glimpse at it before a tug on his coat got his attention.

“Mowo?”

Atem looked down and found Bastet, claws tugging at him and eyes looking expectant. He found himself chuckling and giving her a gentle scratch on the head.

“Sorry, Bastet, you must be hungry, I’ll make us some dinner.”

After finally taking off his coat (the black fabric now covered in his kitten’s fur) Atem turned on his speakers, started his playlist, and got started on dinner: a beef-based stir fry for him, and a can of Fancy Feast for the spoiled cat who wove between his legs the whole time he tried to prepare the meals. And of course, because she really was just that spoiled, Bastet got a small spoon full of his own dinner before he retired to the living room.

Atem kept his music playing as he ate, preferring to get lost in his thoughts rather than his favorite shows; and again Yugi’s proposal swam into his mind and occupied him.

The whole thought was ridiculous, he knew nothing about Yugi or his band, why was he even thinking about writing songs for them? Songwriting was just a hobby for him, it always had been. The orchestra was his career, and though his father had gotten him singing lessons when he was younger, Atem had never truly entertained the idea of making that voice and his lyrics into anything more than a personal amusement. Well, at least not seriously.

Well, and didn’t it say something that Yugi had been so drawn to Atem’s song? The young man had seemed so excited, so sure when he said that he thought Atem was the perfect match for his band. Atem believed in fate, and that had been the first time he sang publicly since he was a child...what were the chances that someone looking for a songwriter would be listening? Not only that, but be so enthralled with the song that he practically bounded down the row of seats to talk with Atem?

As he finished off the last bites of his meal, Atem picked up the card again, looking over the accounts listed on the back. There was one for Youtube and Atem figured that would be a good place to start if he wanted to see what he thought about this band.

He quickly searched the band on the app via his TV (might as well see them on the big screen) and was not surprised with what he saw at first. Their icon was the same logo from the card and they barely had a few thousand subscribers. A small-time group just trying to leave their musical mark on the world. What did surprise him was that they had almost fifty videos posted- though a quick look through their content said that most of them were “band vlogs”.

Their banner picture was nice, all of the band members in the throws of a song with multicolored lights blooming behind them. The picture displayed all five of the members, the framing purposefully showing all of them so no one was left out or hidden behind another member.

Atem of course recognized Yugi first and was intrigued to find the young man working a set of turntables. An odd addition for a rock band- though now that he thought about it, Yugi never actually said what type of band they were. Soon enough, Atem found his eyes drifting to the other members. There was an energetic looking blond pounding on the drums and a brunette woman who had some soul playing the keyboard. Then there were the two guitarists, and the lead guitar player seemed to also be the singer, mouth poised in front of the standing mic and fingers splayed across the strings in unison.

But looking at still pictures would not get Atem far in getting to know the band, so he moved on to the videos. He found a convenient playlist for their actual songs (he’d move on to the vlogs if he liked what he heard) and clicked on the oldest, their first, video.

The setting was simple enough, the five of them standing in an almost warehouse-looking venue, but the video quality wasn’t bad. The girl on the piano started out first and Atem’s found his interest instantly piqued when the notes sounded epic enough to fit in with an orchestra. The singer stepped up to the mic, guitar missing, and started a fast string of lyrics, hard-hitting and dramatic- a perfect combo with the epic-style piano. The drums and bass joined in quick enough and the moment the chorus hit the synthesized sound of the turntables cut in, an interesting contrast to the other instruments that...actually worked...it really really worked. The lead guitarist’s missing strings were deliberate, Atem noted, since the base standing on its own created a deeper sound that complimented the dramatic flair of the song.

It ended too quickly, being barely more than two minutes long, and Atem instantly found himself pressing replay to give the song another listen. This time, now that he wasn’t trying to pick out the different instruments working together, he paid more attention to the lyrics. It sounded like an ode to bad relationships, the toxic kind that made a couple who claimed to love each other fight and scream daily. The singer’s voice was good, and he was impressed with the long note held at the end of the song.

Atem considered giving the title a third listen, but decided he could always come back to it after he sampled their other songs. He moved on to the next, noting that there were a few cover songs in between the originals- though he skipped them for now. This song seemed to have the most views, and Atem figured it was for the actual “music video” style. It was much more entertaining to watch a story-driven video than the band members simply standing on a set (though he thought that was perfectly fine for the first video).

A fade from black showed a ballerina (the pianist?) on the ground, contorted into a common starting position for ballets. A sorrowful note sounded as the camera zoomed in on the ballerina, then, the moment the piano started, she was dancing. It was then that Atem realized that he knew the piano player, at least in passing, she was one of the dancers from the theatre.

The same voice from the first song started to sing, and the dancer soundlessly captured the lyrics with her graceful movements. The thing that truly made Atem stare in wonder though, was the visuals taking place beyond the dance.

As the song went on, the ballerina’s state...worsened. Her visage mirrored the hurt lyrics of the song. At first her make up ran, as if she had been crying, then holes and tears started to appear in her clothes, then bruises on her skin, until finally, half of her tutu was torn and dirty and dark spots littered her body. The pivot point of the song came, and the ballerina fell to the ground, crying, silently conveying that she didn’t want to go on.

But then the tune started to shift, slowly swelling, lifting up as one by one, hands reached out to the despairing dancer. The first gripped her shoulder in comfort, the next wiped away a stray tear, the third rubbed her back, and the fourth simply held itself out to her, a wordless urge to take the offer of help. The ballerina did, and the moment the hands lifted her up, the scene brightened, and her appearance was restored to its original beauty. The woman still had some sadness in her eyes, but the notes were hopeful as she finished her dance, ending the song on an uplifting tune.

Atem found himself simply staring at the screen as a “Thank you for watching!” text scrolled across it. The simple beauty of the video struck him. The song was about loneliness, broken hearts, the darker side of emotions, almost everything most people would feel in their lives. But, ultimately, it was about loved ones making all those things easier to bear- to accept help from those around you and becoming stronger in the process. A song about a sad truth with a hopeful ending.

Atem liked it, he liked it a lot.

He continued to watch the videos and was let down to find that there were only two more original songs by the band. The third was well done too, though Atem admitted that they didn’t capture his attention as much as the previous. It featured the band in steampunk style garb, standing on a stage as masked patrons in ballgowns danced in front of them (Atem knew he recognized said dancers as more ballerinas from the theatre), this song was more light in its beat, though he thought the lyrics alluded to the concept of liars and the masks they wore.

The final song opened with a heavy drum beat and sound effects from the turntables, the black and white camera blinking onto a shot of the drummer in some abandoned building. Water burst from the drums with every hit for even more dramatic visuals as the keyboard and guitars joined in. Then it cut to the singer leaning against a brick-walled alley, still in black and white and the voice Atem was beginning to know well followed the instruments.

He liked the lyrics already, a poetic contrast to the almost upbeat rhythm. What piqued Atem’s interest most, however, was that it was a love song, the first romantic brand of tenderness he’d heard from the band so far.

Where the light shivers offshore

Through the tides of oceans

We are shining in the rising sun

As we are floating in the blue

I am softly watching you

Though, tender as it may be, he couldn’t say it was a happy love song.

Oh boy, your eyes betray what burns inside you

Atem felt something rake at his heart, a pull, the lyrics drawing him in, chest rising with an ache.

Whatever I feel for you

You only seem to care about you

Is there any chance you could see me, too?

'Cause I love you

Is there anything I could do

Just to get some attention from you?

In the waves, I've lost every trace of you

Where are you?

At one point the camera lingered on the singer’s face, eyes pleading and hands splayed in a gesture as if to pull the viewer closer in a desperate embrace. Atem didn’t even realize he was leaning forward until he was at the edge of the seat. If he were a romantic, he might liken the vocalist to a siren, drawing him in with gravitating lyrics.

Whispers are wasted in the sand

As we were dancing in the blue

I was synchronized with you

But now the sound of love is out of tune

Atem had to actively tell himself to sit back in his seat as the chorus came again, though his eyes never left the screen, even as it flashed between all the members in various forsaken settings. It had been a long time since a song made it feel actual heartbreak, made him hang on each pleading lyric.

Not only that, but even as the song began its ending crescendo, Atem’s mind was compiling some violin chords that would slip into the song perfectly. It had been even longer since he wanted to add his own music to a song.

Atem had to give the song one more listen, this time closing his eyes and getting even more lost in the beats and words. Again he had to tell himself not to go for a third listen and moved on to the band’s cover videos. Though, he was momentarily distracted by Bastet as she hopped onto the couch, demanding cuddles and pets by shoving her tail in his face. He obliged, letting her fall asleep on his lap as he flipped through the band’s cover songs, ready to hear more from them.

Most of them featured the players standing in their venue from the first video, which made sense since recording in that simple location allowed the band to pump out videos faster. He liked the diverse array of covers, some were of pop songs, others of rock and metal, and even one rap song. The band made each cover their own, with that unique array of instruments that made Atem endeared to the band.

His favorite covers had to be the ones of Studio Killers’ “Jenny” and “Through the Fire and Flames” by DragonForce.

The metal song was the only one that had someone other than the lead guitarists singing. Atem understood why, the guitar chords were brutal- and the vocalist was playing them like an expert! Again, Atem was impressed, not just anyone could play the strings like that. Instead Yugi sang, belting his little heart out with some decent talent in singing. Atem may have had the deeper voice, but Yugi pulled off the metal style well. Atem then felt bad for not recognizing the bass player’s skill until the near end of the song, and promised to rewatch the video later to fully appreciate how well the brunette played the bass chords.

Jenny was one of the few covers that got a better video and again, Atem found himself interested and surprised, but for an entirely different reason this time. Although the song was about a lesbian crush, the couple acting out the video were two men: Yugi and the blond drummer. Atem found himself smiling when the video ended with the two men kissing in front of a sunset, Yugi having to pull down the taller boy by the collar of his shirt. The song itself was impressive as well, it was undoubtedly a rock version of the pop song, but it still had that upbeat, almost bubbly quality to the music.

That video was also the first that had the band members speaking to the viewers at the end, all five of them sitting on a couch and smiling brightly at the camera. They explained that the video was made for pride month and that they hope to someday donate all the ad revenue of the video to LGBT charities, once their videos started making money in the first place, that is. Unfortunately, (though not to his surprise) that video had the most amount of dislikes, and Atem found himself leaving a string of heart emojis in the comments just to counteract the negativity- and Atem never used heart emojis.

Before he went on to the other videos, the vlogs, Atem paused the playlist and leaned back on his couch, a string of thoughts taking him over as Bastet purred and stretched out to lay on his chest.

He liked the band.

He liked their style, their diversity and unique form, their creativity, and so far he liked the actual members too. He liked all of it a lot. If he were to ever put his original music out there, he knew it would be with a band like this.

Atem believed in fate, so, had he and Yugi met for a reason?

Atem pressed play on the first band vlog video, making his final decision as he petted the purring cat resting on his chest. So long as these more personal vlogs didn’t tarnish his view of the members, he’d speak to Yugi the next day.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

WhatsApp? Part 5. (Steve Rogers x reader)

Description: You’ve never been lucky with guys. You just wanted to catch someone’s eye, to be loved. One day, that’s about to turn completely - with one fake, completely imagined number a guy gave you

A/N: I am a little shit for this tbh. But shush.

Warnings: FIRST ACTUAL SIGN OF FLIRTING. 

Tagging: @missdictatorme @songforhema

Read the rest and don't be scared bcs of my crazy ass:  Part One  Part Two  Part three  Part four

Series master list if you love to read series in order like me :) (I got u, boo):  H E R E

You had coma while you slept. Not like an actual coma - but you were totally dead when you fell asleep at half-past one a.m. You were done for - three and a half hours past your bedtime, charmed by some mysterious man and worried the hell out for that poor boy who snored all over the place.

Thank God May was woken up and that she had lived nearer to the office than you do. Because you could wake up later than you usually did. The traffic wasn't so bad in this part of Queens either.

"Pancakes are on the table, sleepyhead. Now wake the hell up." - She giggled when you just hummed into your pillow, refusing to wake the fuck up. You fell asleep at one a.m. for god's sake. This was some torturing and you were sure of it.

"I think I need to take a day off. I'm dead. I'm more dead than Peter was yesterday." - You mumbled into the pillow, smelling the delicious pancakes.

"I'm feeling ok now, Y/N." - A young voice rang through the living room. You felt dizzy, yet you take your head off the small pillow you've slept on. Peter, who's body most likely had the last hurrah before death yesterday, was sitting at the table, grinning at you widely. - "You're the dead elephant in the room right now."

He had his sweater on, his hair was super messy and he looked tired as hell. But he was alive per se.

"I will recall what I just thought in my head before a second." - You sat, yawned out loud like a lion on savanna at the midday and turned your head to him. You looked tired but really, really happy. That made him look happy as well. - "Because you're having your last hurray before your death. Guess the joke's on you, zombie-kiddo."

Peter knew you were just messing with him. You two did it all the time - friendly beefs and arguments about everything - the most of them happened after you've seen the last sci-fi movie in local cinema (you were his adult company to the movies he and his super best pal couldn't go alone to and you knew that even if Pete will grow up or find a gf, this will be a part of your life that's not going to change.)

"I'm mentally more mature than you are. At least I know how to get my crush better without panicking and talking to a fifteen-year-old boy. I know better than you." - Pete was teasing the hell out of you. - "Anyway, how did it even go?" - He wiggled his eyebrows at you, eating the pancake slowly.

"Well if you didn't come practically walking dead into our office yesterday, I would tell you... That we moved from strangers to friends with Steve." - You served yourself a pancake with some syrup on it. You sometimes slept over at their place, May always being the chef. And her pancakes? Dear lord. That was the best fucking thing ever. Period.

"He texted her six of those worried messages when she forgot her phone at the office." - May abrupted the conversation without taking her eyes off her newspaper. - “I think we all can consider that as something.” - She laughed a bit when you hissed in her direction. 

“Choose your side here May!” - You laughed and heard your phone vibrating at the small table in front of the TV, plugged into the charger as you left it before you fell asleep. You smiled and saw Peter grinning at you under the palm that covered his mouth. 

--- 

You couldn't even believe how fast can a month go around. You didn't even notice - you worked from nine to five at the charity, enjoying your time with your girl, sometimes you even hang out. Not too often tho, because you loved when you just curled in your favorite PJs, watching a movie and letting Steve make you laugh. (Don't worry, Steve’s unintentional dumbness made Sam laugh a lot as well.)

You two were basically internet besties. Steve read almost everything that happened you during the day (he found your life so calm and nice, he almost got jealous at you) and he even shared some details from his day-to-day life with you as well. He was usually surrounded by his friends - some name called Sam, one named Bucky and a woman whose name was apparently Natasha. They seemed to be an extra funny squad from what Steve had told you. 

Peter got really better after he almost stressed you out at the hospital. The fevers didn't come back, he didn't vomit since then and that biting on his wrist disappeared as well. He survived that and you were nothing but happy for him.

You even bought a hella good and hella cheap costumes for your performance at that Stark Charity Evening. You had a long meeting about what choreography you will actually do, but then Kat, the biggest sex bomb at your office stood up. 

“I think we should do Candyman choreography. It's thematic and it's sexy. And we are sexy, isn't that right, Val?” - She encouraged you. She was a feminist and May was too energetic and too much of a leader, she liked that idea immediately. 

“Ladies, that's it. We can be sexy but not slutty female officers. I like it. Yeah. We can get some costumes like a uniform tux and a pencil skirt...” - May tried to get you a vision of her idea. You honestly thought it is a bit stupid - Christina was super slutty in that clip. May was not really that type of a gal - but she would be up for it if is PG-13. 

“But you know, we can show some skin off.”- Deena took off where May started, looking at everyone. - “Jesus May, I didn't say we will make it a lesbian show-off strip tease even tho I know that Val would've loved it.” - She winked at Valerie and she just laughed. - “I mean, we can have those shirts tied around our back and some short under the uniforms. Like that girl who is showing her biceps off and is like a mechanic? Abby knows what I'm talking about, she has that posted in front of her for two years now.” 

“So...” - Suzie looked at everyone. - “We will start off as officers but then we will strip the formality off and show the men that we can take care of ourselves.” - She continued. Kat just seemed to be proud of that idea. And to be honest, when it would be like that, you were up for some Candyman as well. - “It will be a nice nod to the marinas and if we will have a good choreography, we can raise more money. Especially from the men. And that is our goal.”

“Okay girls. We have ourselves a plan. Now the choreography is in your hands and costumes are the things that I will take care of.” - You smiled shyly. You were off to a good start.

But you know, everything has to stop eventually. 

Steve: I will be off the country for the next fourteen days and maybe more because of my work. I'm really, really sorry. 

That hit you completely unprepared. You almost forgot about that thing with Steve’s job... Everything was just too dreamy to think about that mans job.  You bit your bottom lip, looking around. You felt like everyone in the office could feel your mood shift even if nobody paid you any attention. But you tried to play it off as a joke - you were friends after all. 

Y/N: As long as you will send me a postcard and you'll miss me out there, I think I'll make it somehow. 

You put your phone on your desk and looked at the computer with a blank stare. You knew him an only month and a half - you didn't know where he lives, what does he look like or how does his voice sound like, but that man just had some magic in his texts.

You wished that you were joking when you said it yourself, but he really had some magic in him. Two weeks without him? You will miss him badly. A month? You will go crazy in no time. 

Steve: That can be arranged. :)

A gentleman at all costs, you smiled and closed your eyes for a while. Maybe it was good that you will take a short break from each other. You will be more looking forward to his kind words. Even more, you did now. Which sound impossible, but it may be right. 

Y/N: Which one of the things we are talking about? I don't want to make any high hopes, handsome. 

You joked and looked back at the stuff you were working on. It looked good - it was a document about the usage of food and the clothes you gathered from the locals. There was one big pre-fall evening where you will be giving the thing to the homeless people and you needed to document how many things you had actually. You were almost done so a little dispersion from Steve was not a bad thing.

Steve: I thought we are talking about both of the things you wrote to me. Especially about the second one. 

Everything in you froze for a sec. Did he really... Did he really just flirted with you? And was it you or it was the most fascinating and smooth thing someone ever did around you? You half-hissed and half-laughed at that, suddenly being happy as hell. Wow. 

Y/N: So you would miss me?

No need to be overreacting. Maybe he is just messing with you - yeah. This man here sometimes got you good, once or twice, but it didn't happen too often. Which was kind of a bummer? He was so funny at times.

Steve: Do you even need to ask about that? Of course, I will. 

And that was it. You felt like screaming and jumping so high you will touch the clouds. Steve Rogers, the man who made you laugh with his shyness and cuteness had definitely told you that he will miss you. It almost felt like a first I love you. But you didn't want to get too over yourself. 

“I know that victory dance you're performing now.” - Suzie, the elegant tall blonde suddenly appeared at your desk with other papers with you. - “This man is actually doing a thing to you, do you know that? It's lovely to see.” - She said quietly as she let you off. 

The squad you belonged in had almost the most stereotypical friends in it - May definitely was the Mom one, there was no point in denying that. Deena was a girl full of energy and love for life, the paries felt wilder with her in it. She was the energetic one, still listening to Wannabe by The Spice Girls or Fancy by Iggy Azalea. Suzie felt like the quiet one, but she was just reserved and well mannered - she was somehow related to some fancy monarchy people or what. And you were the wallflower - everyone told you things and you just kept them a secret. Also, you were the hanging out friend. Things were much more enjoyable and funnier with you around.

So yeah. That was typical Suzie. She noticed, told you - but she was really formal and reserved, just giving you a shy smile. If Deena found you in this state, she would remind you every three to five seconds about your dreamy face. You should be grateful to Suzie for waking you up to this gently.

Y/N: I will miss you too. 

And it was out. Just like that, you admitted you will miss him. And you thought like everything just started with small, five- worded sentence.

---

Steve looked at his phone with a frown, watching your conversation for a little while. You weren't exactly making it easier for him to leave America and go to Russia. Most likely a whole month without you. He inhaled deeply. 

Both of you got used to each other's virtual presence so much it felt like the day will not be complete without the other one in it. Was it the feeling Clint told him about? The one when he had to leave Laura and his kids? It must've been something fairly similar, but on a smaller scale.

And you will miss him as well. Damn it, weren't you a sweetheart?

“Are we ready to take off today or should we call it off?” - Natasha called at him from inside of the Quinjet, looking like a walking hair product commercial. She was truly beautiful, but not for Steve, he had someone else on his mind. She was beautiful for Sam tho and he didn't hesitate to tell her, but she always rolled her eyes and told him to bugger off.

“Let him be, he has to say goodbye to his online girlfriend.” - Sam answered Natasha in a cocky voice, patting Steve’s back. At that point, Sam declared you like Steve’s girl at every actual chance he got his hands on. 

Bucky was more calmed and down to earth about that. He knew you make Steve smile and that you charmed him with your points and kindness. But there was a lot of more far ahead of you two - to meet up, try if your chemistry actually works in person and so on. But that didn't make him stop from making dumb jokes about you two from time to time. But he was not as persistent as Sam. 

“Shut up birdbrain.” - Bucky hushed him as he prepared his things inside the Quinjet next to Nat. - “You are just jealous because no girl has an actual interest in you. That is a point.” 

“I wonder why I wonder how...” - Natasha sang quietly and made Bucky chuckle. 

“It is a real mystery. We should call Scooby-Doo. Aren’t you fellas? You know, you're both animals and...” - Bucky shrugged his shoulders and just continued in teaming up with Natasha against Sam. They were a strong team, quite an enforcement commando used against Sam. Also, Bucky was a sucker for Scooby-Doo. He loved Velma especially.

“The girl from the bistro would tell you different, old man.” - Sam sat next to them, watching Steve with a slight smile. He was proud of him. He didn't fuck up and it was almost two months since this WhatsApp thing started. 

“She smiled at you and laughed at your jokes because she knew you will give her a bigger tip.” - Nat zipped Sam off before he could even start about that Tessa girl from the place they had lunch in. - “Because no one would laugh at your jokes willingly.” 

Bucky gave her a high five. - “Shots fired.” 

Steve: I'll call you when I'm back. And that's a promise. 

Steve: I really need to go, my friends are getting impatient and they are behaving like literal children. I need to take care of them. Be safe, Y/N. Okay?

He wrote quickly and followed his friends, knowing that he will hear your voice when he gets back. And that was a thing worth of speeding the mission up. Or at least doing everything it takes for that.

[samotchkaficrecs]

My Hero Academia Fic Recs! #1

Hola!

i’m finally making an actual mha fic post... yay!

since most of these fics are suited to my fanfiction tastes i will be making another in the future with many different ships (to float anyone’s boat). 

[Also if there is a star (★) next to any fic, it’s one of my highly recommended]

Anywhoo, let us begin! 

TodoDeku

before the world catches up  by -  silent_academy (white_silence) 

Shouto was promised the world when he was born. Unfortunately, fate isn't kind, and he's left with nothing but a broken heart and blazing scars.

Izuku was never "destined" for greatness, but he was sure as hell going to make his mark on the world. With determination and a will to protect, he sets out on the hero's path.

Or, the one in which Shouto is born Quirkless, and Izuku... is not.

Somehow, things work out anyway.

(currently on hiatus)

 ★ The Wooing of Todoroki Shouto  by -  crispykrimi

He clasps his hands together and presses them to his forehead. “Please teach me how to seduce someone!”

What follows is the most awkward fifteen minutes of his short life. His friends volley suggestions at him, everything from suggestive comments to practically crawling into Shouto’s lap and kissing him. His head is starting to feel a little fuzzy when someone (goddamnit Kirishima) suggests a strip tease, and really, he has to draw the line somewhere.

“A-ah… Maybe seduce was too strong a word. I don’t know if I could actually do any of those things… I think a better word would be- woo? I want to woo him. P-please teach me how to woo someone.”

(complete)

★  If I'm Being Honest....  by -  I_dont_know_man 

Midoriya scrunched up his nose in confusion. “Uh, Shouto, why are you glaring at me like that?”

“I-” Todoroki began to lie, until nausea slammed him like a door to any room that Bakugou entered. “I--” Todoroki grit his teeth, and glared daggers into the wall behind Midoriya. Goodbye, friendship. It had been absolutely divine while it lasted. “Because you’re very attractive.”

They say honesty is the best policy, but it sure as hell had a knack for Todoroki making a complete and utter fool of himself.

In which Todoroki is placed under a mysterious truth-telling quirk and suffers, Uraraka laughs at him, Midoriya is confused but smitten nonetheless, and Twitter is the thirstiest site on the planet.

(complete)

i feel your warmth, and it feels like home  by -  orphan_account 

The five times where Shouto remembers that Midoriya is more buff than he lets on.

(alternatively titled the-one-where-shouto-internally-nosebleeds-and-tries-to-act-casual)

(complete)

Trust Fall  by -  Esselle 

' "So, on my signal then."

Midoriya laughs. "No signal. You just fall, and I catch."

"What?" Shouto asks. "But how will you know? What if you're not ready? What if—"

"It's about trust, Todoroki-kun," Midoriya says. Shouto can't see his face, but he senses there's a grin on it. "Do you trust me?" '

(complete)

KiriBaku 

Can't Hear the Fireworks of Your Art  by -  cereal_whore   

Bakugou's hearing is slowly deteriorating due to being in close proximity of his quirk, and his constant usage of it. After a visit to the doctors, it's concluded they can never reverse his hearing.

Everyone else: hol y sh ti hes dying (excluding Shinsou, who's too tired to care anymore and is at peace with the idea of Bakugou being the local cryptic)

Or: Bakugou literally disappears for one day, and everyone suddenly thinks he's dying even tho he just rlly needs a hearing aid. none of these hormonal teenagers have basic communication skills. Todoroki is also really trying his best in spite of Bakugou continuously calling him "Canadian Flag Fucker".

(ongoing)

kiss me on the lips  by -  Lulatic

“So, you’ve really never kissed anyone? Really?”

“No, okay? You fucking happy now? What does it even matter--”

“Would you like to?”

(complete)

★ The Beauty of a Beast  by -  starofjems 

Once upon a time a lonely beast lived in a manor deep in the forest. He dreamed of the day his true love appeared to break his curse... When a beauty finally appears in his life, it is not quite as he imagined. For who could have thought a beauty would be more of a beast.

Or

The beauty and the beast AU nobody asked for but here it is.

(complete)

Ghost Hunters  by -  PoutyBats

“What, like a ghost sex hotline?” Sero snorts.

“I mean, she was kinda cute-”

“I swear on my life if you don’t shut up I can guarantee that there will be three new ghosts in this house come morning!” Bakugou rubs his temples, aging by the minute.

-

Kirishima, Bakugou, Ashido, Kaminari, and Sero are part of a ghost hunting squad.

[kiribaku isn’t really the main focus, but it’s here anyways]

(complete)

Love Potion No. 9  by -  I_dont_know_man

"It's alright bro, I get it. Not everybody can handle all this pure manliness." Kirishima flexed a hardened bicep facetiously, grinning like the idiot he most certainly was.

...

And Bakugou - Bakugou blushed.

For the mere second time in 17 years of life, no less, and he was pretty sure that blushing over accidentally calling All Might ‘dad’ that one time didn’t count. Bakugou was an aloof, detached, analytical sort of person. Bakugou didn’t fucking blush, alright?

Just what in the ever-loving fuck was going on here?!

In which Bakugou finds himself victim of a love spell, Kirishima tries his Best, and the entirety of Class 1A waits for the other shoe to drop.

(ongoing)

Multi/ Misc/ Minor Ship 

★ Blue Monday  by -  Adox    [multi]

Eight years ago, three boys went missing, only remembered by their disappearance. Unless you’re Izuku Midorya. After his (arguably) best friend Katsuki Bakugou vanished, he’s been searching. Hoping. Even after the investigation was closed. Three names ring clearly in his head.

Eijiro Kirishima.

Denki Kaminari.

Katsuki Bakugo.

Jiro loves her new family, they’re the only fosters who seem to give a shit. However, she can’t help but notice the picture frames turned on their side, and the child’s bedroom that hasn’t been touched in years.

Todoroki just wants to help his new friend, even if that means endangering his many, many scholarships.

And Bakugo waits.

(ongoing)

Karma in Retrograde  by -  Mistystarshine, ohmytheon    [misc]

When Dabi is struck by a de-aging quirk that regresses him to the most influential part of his life, he finds himself turned back into a sixteen-year-old U.A. General Studies student with lots of self-esteem issues, parent problems, a destructive quirk that he can't manage, and no memory of the years that he's lost - not to mention the fact that his little brother is now the same age as him and one of the top students in the U.A. hero course. In U.A.'s attempt to make up for what they missed and help the Dabi of the past, present, and future, he is placed with the only students that know him and have yet to find out what truly makes the difference between a hero and a villain. There, they must face the question of whether he can change or his destiny is already set in stone.

(ongoing)

A Night to Remember  by -  hanwritesstuff (hannahkannao)    [multi]

“Huh?” Izuku narrows his eyes and looks at the poster. It doesn’t make sense when he first reads the words, when they first roll off his tongue. “‘Yuuei High School’s 24th Annual Future Heroes Gala’? What... is this?” He feels like he should know, but he can’t think straight after staying up so late last night.

“Well.” Kirishima grins. “When I saw the poster, I texted Amajiki-senpai and he told me all about it.”

There’s something particularly mischievous in his smile that has Izuku worried.

“Long answer, it’s pretty much the only school dance Yuuei has and it’s third-years only,” Kirishima continues, “It’s supposed to be a celebration of everything we’ve done over the past three years, so it’s super fancy and formal and there’s slow dancing and and stuff like that -”

“Short answer, it’s hero prom!” Hagakure interrupts, barely getting the words out before at least four people erupt into cheers.

(complete)

★ I want to kiss (your dumb fucking face)  by -  gingerbreadshinsou    [shinsou/ monoma] 

Monoma develops a big gay crush on Shinsou from afar and his life descends into absolute chaos

[The Monoma Neito coming-of-age fic absolutely no one asked for]

(ongoing)

[i know i have already put this one on another list, but it’s just so amusing!]

tell your boyfriend if he says he's got beef that i'm a vegetarian and i EAT LEAF  by -  hanwritesstuff (hannahkannao)    [misc]

“Which one of you fuckers just AirDropped me loss?”

(complete)

★ shock your soul  by -  montparni    [kamisero]

Twelve years of Halloween; or, Kaminari Denki grows up (but not too much), makes some memories, and learns to look right in front of his eyes.

(complete)

Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot!  by -  xX_KUUHAKU_Xx    [kamisero]

"I could wear just my boxers and I'd win every round. Now let's play."

---

In which Sero and Kaminari decide to face off on a rock, paper, scissors game with beer and stripping being a part of it.

(complete) 

Thus With a Kiss, I die  by -  DomineeringScarves

Kaminari finds himself head over heels for the newest addition to their class, Shinsou Hitoshi. Normally the flirty blonde would just present himself with open arms but there's a major problem with his infatuation. There's unspoken rules in 1-A and Kaminari is part of the Bakusquad...whereas Shinsou is a part of the Dekusquad. The two can't be together. It's just not possible. There's no way Bakugou would ever allow one of his extras to date Deku's friend.

There's only one thing left to do, give up and move on. Too bad Kaminari can't seem to escape Shinsou.

Aka the fic where Kaminari is Romeo and Shinsou is Juliet and they have to secretly date so their squads don't fall into an all out war.

(complete)

★★★

Aaaand thats a wrap! thanks for viewing and i hope you all found some fics that intrigue you! 

Au revior!   

[something-tofightfor]

He’s Not Here - Part 10

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 4700

Rating: M (light swearing)

Author’s Note: I don’t own Billy’s character. I’m just writing this for fun.

Parts 1-9 can be found on my Masterlist (link in bio)!

Feedback is welcome - Always. I’d love to know what you think! Sorry about the delayed posting of this chapter... it’s a little longer than usual to make up for it. The night in question (drunk Billy) can be read about in the NSFW Alphabet’s “bonus” section (at the bottom). 

Summary:  You meet the Castles, Billy makes a revelation, and you remember something that acted as a catalyst for your current situation. 

** Takes place well before the events of Daredevil S2 and Punisher S1 **

Tagging: If you want to be added or removed, let me know.

@banditthewriter @breanime @obscurilicious @padfootagain @madamrogersstorytelling @ooo-barff-ooo @agent-bossypants@suchatinyinfinity @chibiyanai @songtoyou @doneobrien @ilkaeliseb @editboutique @marauderskeeper @delicatelilyflower @drinix @likethetailofacomet @king4thesirens @ymariejp @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @ethereal-heavcns @mr-robot-x @rageshots @shinebrightlikeafanbase 

In the five days since you and Billy had talked about what was going on between you, things had fallen back into place much more easily than you would have imagined. True to his request, you’d stayed in his apartment until Monday morning, (you’d gone back to your place to get clothes, toiletries and your phone charger, which had ended with the two of you in your bed for a change) and the time had been more than enough to show you that Billy had truly meant what he said. 

There were still moments throughout the days when you saw that Billy’s eyes would lose focus, his jaw would lock and even your touch wasn’t enough to draw him out of his thoughts, but you were getting less and less worried. Billy had gone to two meetings with his friend Curtis, a man that had been honorably discharged from the military after losing most of his leg in combat. Curtis’ meetings were useful, Billy had said, and it was a good way for him to get used to being back home by being around people that he was comfortable with.

“Hey.” His gaze was soft, a smile on his lips as he opened the door of his apartment for you, gesturing for you to come in. He’d finally unpacked, and the place was looking lived in again. “Have a good day at work?” Billy was in the process of finding a job, so he was at home while you were in the middle of planning an event for the same company that you’d been working for when you met Billy… and the irony was not lost on you.

“Yeah.” You set your purse down on his table and allowed him to tug you into his chest, arms going around you. “Yeah, I had a meeting with Emily and her father today. They’re excited to work with us again.” Billy hadn’t reacted at your use of the woman’s name, but you pulled back and looked up at him nonetheless, wanting to see if he had any sort of response. After all, she’s the last woman he was in public with.

“She texted me today, actually.” Billy leaned down, his lips brushing over yours slowly. “Wanted to know if I was interested in being her date for the event again ‘for old time’s sake.’” He shrugged, pressing his lips to yours more forcefully, one of his hands sliding up your back. “I told her that I wasn’t interested.” You stared at him, and for a moment he looked confused before smiling again - this one a brilliant grin. “She’s going to be so mad when we walk in together.” Oh. we’re going together? I hadn’t even thought of that.

“I can’t antagonize her, Russo.” You sighed and his lips met your forehead. “At least not until we’re there and we’ve already been paid.” His laugh warmed you, even as he let you go and you moved past him into the kitchen, taking in the different dishes on the stove and counter. “What time are they coming, Billy?” Even though it was the middle of the week, Billy had decided that it was time for you to meet his best friend in person - so Frank and Maria Castle were coming to New York City to have dinner with the two of you.

“They should be here in about 40 minutes.” He stepped behind you, hand grazing your waist as he moved to the stove, picking up a slotted spoon and stirring one of the covered pots. “Just enough time for me to finish this, and for you to get changed if you want.” His attention was on the food in front of him, and you moved to the edge of the room, leaning against the door frame as you watched his movements. He’s so focused. A smile tugged at your lips as he moved gracefully from the stove to the fridge and then back, bending down to open the oven. I could get used to this. As if he could sense that you were watching him, Billy glanced back at you over his shoulder, long hair falling into his eyes as he winked at you. I think I’m already used to this.

---

“So, Bill and I met about six and a half years ago, and we hit it off right away.” Frank and Maria were sitting across the table from you, Frank gesturing with a beer bottle in his hand. “He’s the best friend I could have ever asked for, you know?” Billy shook his head, looking down before he sipped on his own beer. “Maria loves him and so do the kids.” Billy was grinning, red in the cheeks and his neck. “Bill said that he had something to tell us, though.” What? You looked over at Billy and he met your eyes for a moment before clearing his throat.

“Yeah. Well.” Billy set his bottle down and casually reached over to put his arm around the back of your chair, his fingertips closing around your shoulder. “I… we…” He paused, and you turned your head to stare at him. He’s telling them? “We had a conversation the other day, and I wanted you guys to come over and meet my...girlfriend.” I guess he is. Frank’s jaw dropped and Maria’s eyes widened, but both of them stayed silent. “I don’t really have many other friends, and I know that you’ve spoken to her before Frankie, but…” He sounded unsure for the first time, and you bit your lip, waiting.

Frank and Maria had been friendly when Billy had opened the door, though they both looked surprised to see you lounging on Billy’s couch. Dinner had been a lot of fun, with both the Castles falling into easy conversation with you and Billy about a variety of topics. And the dinner Billy had made? It was perfect. Garlic beef tenderloin with mushroom gravy, mashed potatoes and roasted vegetables and fresh baked bread had seemed like a literal feast, but Billy had pulled it off without difficulty, and again you’d been surprised at what the man could do. And he did it to … for me? “Billy, that’s… wonderful.” Maria was grinning, reaching her hand over to grip Billy’s tightly. “I’m happy for the two of you.” Your blush matched Billy’s, but it was Frank’s words that really got to you.

“Finally picking quality over quantity, eh Bill?” Frank smirked, shaking his head. “I knew there was something different about this one.” He jerked his chin in your direction, shaking his head back and forth. “All those video chats and the letters? Never seen you like that before, Russo. Glad you didn’t fuck it all up.” That broke the tension, and all four of you laughed, Billy leaning over to kiss you on the temple. “Can I borrow her for a minute, though, Bill? Wanna talk to her about something.” Billy removed his arm and you stood, grabbing your beer and waiting for Frank to stand too. “Your balcony good?” Billy nodded as he and Maria stood to begin clearing the table and Frank led the way through Billy’s living room and over to the sliding glass doors.

After you were both outside, Frank was silent for long moments, elbows resting on the railing. You stood next to him, looking out over the city. Billy’s apartment was on the eleventh floor, so there were plenty of tall buildings around you, along with a ton of ambient noise. “Is there… What’s up, Frank?” The man licked his lips, shaking his head.

“Bill’s my best friend.” Frank’s voice was gruff. “He’s been with a lot of women, you know? I’m sure you do, you’ve been … you’ve known him for long enough.” You nodded. “He seems settled with you.” Oh? Really? “It’s… nice to see him relaxed.” Frank was silent for a moment. “What I’m trying to say is that he’s never introduced Maria to anyone. I’ve met a few of them, and they’ve all been...” He looked down, stomping his foot once. “Not like  you. Not at all like you.” You felt a warmth spreading through your body as Frank confirmed what you’d hoped was the case. “What do you know about Bill’s life?” Frank turned his head to look at you, and the expression on his face had changed. “About… his childhood, I mean?”

Of all of the questions Frank could have asked you, that was the one you weren’t prepared for. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. “He… hasn’t told me too much, Frank.” There was no reason to lie to Frank, and you hoped that he’d tell you something more - giving you an insight into Billy’s life. “He got drunk one night when we were out, but this was before anything had happened between us.” You frowned. “He mentioned that he grew up in a group home. That he didn’t have a family.” You felt your eyes prickling with tears as you continued. “He told me everyone leaves him, and so he’s always been more willing to leave others.” Frank nodded. “He’s never known what it’s like to be loved without question.” Frank looked at you, still silent, and though his brow was furrowed, it wasn’t an unfriendly stare.

“Do you love him?” His question caught you off guard and you didn’t respond. “You don’t have to answer that, because I can see the truth on your face.” Frank stepped closer, the hand not holding his beer reaching out to touch your arm. “Don’t hurt him. And don’t let his insecurity hurt you.” Frank leaned in, talking quietly. “He cares about you. He wouldn’t have done this if he didn’t. Bill’s not the hearts and flowers and romance kind of guy, but he’s still got feelings buried under all of...this.” Frank gestured to his face before taking a long drink of beer. “Don’t make him regret this - or you. If that happens, I don’t think there’s any coming back from it for him.” Frank stood up, finishing his beer and then pulling you into a tight hug. “I want to see you around a lot, because you make Bill happy.” He stepped back. “He didn’t stop talking about you when we were over there.  He used your name.” Frank laughed, swallowing hard. “He had a picture of the two of you in his pocket all the time, you know?” I didn’t. Holy shit.

“I didn’t know he had it with him.” Frank nodded, the smile creeping back onto his face.

“Don’t tell him I told you about it.” Holding up one hand, you promised that you wouldn’t and Frank led you back into the apartment, where Billy and Maria were side by side, washing dishes. Her laughter carried across the open space, and you felt Frank relax next to you at the sound. He made his way over to where his wife stood, his hands going to her waist as he stepped behind her, kissing the side of her neck as she leaned back into him, still laughing. Billy looked over his shoulder at you and you tilted your head to the side, smiling. I’m definitely used to this.

Half an hour later, Frank and Maria had said their goodbyes - the woman hugging you tightly as she whispered “be good to him” in your ear, and Frank putting one arm around your shoulders as he stepped out the door. Once they were gone, Billy sighed, stretching his arms toward the ceiling and offering you one of his hands. Taking it, you let Billy lead you to the couch, where he sat and pulled you onto his lap. After you’d leaned you head against his shoulder, his arms circling your waist, he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry that I put that on you without warning.” His chest was rumbling as he spoke, and you brought one hand up, settling it on his shoulder. “I just didn’t know how to … I’ve never done this before.” He sighed. “I wanted you to meet Frankie and Maria, and I wanted to tell them… I wanted them to know that you’re mine...” He tightened his grip on you, and you felt his heart racing in his chest. “I know we decided that you and I were… but… I don’t know if…”

“Hey. Hey, Billy.” You sat up, looking into his eyes, which were filled with panic. “This was perfect. You caught me off guard, yes, but not because I didn’t want it to happen.” You shook your head. “I just didn’t think that you’d want to tell Frank so soon. I mean, he’s your best friend, and…”

“I talk about you in Curt’s group.” His voice was soft, and you froze. He does? “I’ve never used your name, but I talk about you.” He sighed, fingers stroking up and down your side. “I told Curt I need to get better and do better this time I’m home, and that I need to get myself back in the mindset that I’m not at war anymore… and that you’re a big part of the reason.” That’s serious. “It’s getting harder to come back home. Every time I go, I think I’m fine, but then when I get back here, everything goes to shit.” He sounded sad, but he was smiling, his eyes focused. “One of these days, I’ll tell you everything.” Everything? “I know Frankie took you outside, and I can only imagine what he said, but I hope he didn’t scare you away.” Leaning in, you kissed him, your hand moving to his cheek as you did so, and you felt him pull you closer.

“Billy, whenever you want to tell me about your life, I’m here.” Your forehead was pressed against his and he nodded once. Fuck it. “Frank told me that you kept a picture of us with you over there?” His soft laugh made his eyes crinkle at the corners but he nodded.

“I did.” He licked his lips. “I told you I wanted more before I left.” I didn’t believe him. I didn’t realize until just now that I didn’t believe him. “It was from the day we went to the Central Park Zoo.” That was from before we were… when we were just friends. “Do you remember when we took that?”

“I do. It was… your way of thanking me for taking care of you that night you got drunk.” He nodded.

“You stayed. You took care of me and you stayed and you didn’t try to take advantage of me - you didn’t want anything from me, and I wanted to do something nice for you that wasn’t at night.” He scoffed. “I was trying to prove to you that I actually did want to be your friend.” He tilted his head and nuzzled into your neck. “But really, it was getting harder and harder to see you in my place or yours without making a move on you, and I figured that if we were in public, it would be easier.” Humming at the feeling of his lips moving across your skin, you shifted your body, moving your hands to his hair and scratching along his scalp, closing your eyes.

“You kissed me that day, Billy Russo. So your plan didn’t work.” He laughed, nipping at your neck before he moved lower, tongue out and moving against your collarbone.

“Yeah, well, we got a good picture out of it… and I think that just maybe that picture was what got you to let your guard down with me.” You’re 100% right.

---

14 months earlier

“You know, you can walk next to me, you don’t have to pretend like we aren’t here together.” Billy’s voice was loud, and you immediately stopped, turning to look at him with a huge smile on your face. “I invited you here, I’d like to walk with you.” He made his way the final few steps to you, and you felt his hand brush against yours  as you fell into step next to each other, making your way through the zoo’s walking pathways. It had been Billy’s idea to spend the day together, and he’d brought it up a few days earlier, via text.

After the night you’d spent drinking together - when you’d had to help him home and into bed because he got drunk - he’d gone radio silent for nearly two days. You’d talked the morning after, seeing the surprise in his eyes when he woke up next to you, still dressed in his jeans and you fully clothed, his arm tight around your waist. He hadn’t questioned you; you thought he’d been too embarrassed to do so, and so you hadn’t mentioned the conversation you’d had, or the look in his eyes as he’d asked you to stay. He’ll remember it on his own, or he won’t. You’d cooked him breakfast as he’d done his own version of the walk of shame to his shower, jeans hanging low on his waist, hair messed from pressing against the pillow.

Even as you cooked, you felt an ache in your heart, because there was something familiar about moving around in his kitchen, about taking care of him. You’d never admit it out loud, but waking up next to Billy, feeling his arm around you and seeing those eyes when you first woke up had felt right… and that’s why the friendship hurt so much. But it’s also why you need to keep it this way, you reminded yourself as you’d flipped eggs onto his plate and added two pieces of toast and some bacon. Anything else is out of the question.

He’d come out of the shower looking much better and more alert, and though he was casually dressed in a pair of basketball shorts and a dark t shirt, he was all business, thanking you for taking care of him, for getting him home, and for making sure he didn’t pass out in the hallway or on the floor. Waving him off, you’d stayed long enough to make sure he ate while filling him in one some of the previous night’s details and then you’d left, giving him a quick hug. You’d waited to hear from him, and so on Friday night when his text had come through - ‘Busy Sunday? Wanna take you out and thank you for being so nice to me’  it was like a weight had lifted from your chest. You responded that you had no plans, but that it wasn’t necessary, and he’d sent back a short reply. ‘I want to. Be at my place at 11 am.’

And that’s how you’d ended up at the zoo with him on a chilly Sunday morning. He hadn’t told you where you were going until you’d arrived, and as you turned to him, a wide smile on your face, you’d seen in his eyes that your reaction was what he’d been looking for. “I know it’s a small one, but it’s close by, and since it’s cold, we can see everything pretty quick.” He actually thought this through. Before you could help yourself, you’d asked a question.

“Is this a date?” Though caught off guard, Billy didn’t flinch, shrugging his shoulders. You knew that if he hadn’t had a beanie on his head, he would have been running a hand anxiously through his hair.

“If you want it to be?” He sounded nervous, and so you’d smiled, ducking your head and stepping next to him as he’d walked to the ticket booth, paying for the two of you. The first few hours had been fun. You’d never been to that zoo before, and Billy pointed things out, talking about visiting with the Castles, about his favorite exhibits and about his life in general, asking you about your own past, too. The two of you had taken pictures of each other, enjoying the time you were spending together, enjoying the day… and it had been easy. You’d listened to every word he’d said, watched his every action with your heart pounding because as time passed, it felt more and more like a date. We’re out in the daytime. We’re doing something that’s not drinking or eating. This is… he wanted to spend time with me. More than once, he’d reached out to squeeze your hand, pulling you toward an exhibit, talking excitedly.

In the back of your mind, though, you were waiting for the other shoe to drop - for someone to recognize him, for one of his previous dates to call out… something, anything to ruin the time you were having and bring you back to reality… but it hadn’t happened that way. By the time you were in front of the grizzly bear exhibit, you and Billy had been laughing for long minutes, fingers twined together as you walked. It had been his suggestion to take a picture together, and you’d agreed without hesitation; after all, you had multiple pictures with your friends - how was one with Billy any different? Except you knew that you wouldn’t regard this one the same as you did all the others - no, this one was going to be special. You positioned yourselves so that the bears were visible behind you, and Billy had put his arm around your shoulders casually, pulling you closer to him. You could smell his cologne even through his jacket and you automatically wrapped an arm around his waist, getting closer.

It was easy. It was comfortable, and it was everything that you’d wanted it to be as you leaned into Billy, waiting for him to take the photo. “Alright, on the count of three, I want to see a smile on your face.” He was talking quietly, and you saw him looking down at you on the screen, biting his lower lip. “1...2...3.” His arm tightened on your shoulders and you couldn’t help but grin, staring at his phone. “One more.” You rolled your eyes but didn’t stop smiling, looking up at him and at the same moment, he looked down at you, a wide smile on his face. He got a picture of that, too. I know he did.  You were right, of course, and as he showed you both pictures, you felt that same uncomfortable ache in your chest again. Friends. That’s it. That’s all we can be. “I like these. We look like we’re having a good time.” His tone was still soft, and you nodded in agreement, looking up to meet his eyes.

“We are having a good time, Billy. You should send those to me.” He tapped on the screen a few times and you felt your pocket vibrate as he tucked his phone away, taking a deep breath. “Thanks.” You were still facing each other, staring for long moments until he turned away, looking at the bears with his hands on the railing, gripping it tight. “So what’s next for today? We going our separate ways after this?” Though it was only early afternoon, you didn’t have any reason to believe he had anything else planned for you and so you were surprised when you felt his arm go back around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. Oh, OK….

“I thought I’d take you to dinner.” He paused, “If you want to go, that is.” All day with Billy? This is… this feels like…

“This is a date. I want this to be a date.” You spoke for a second time without thinking, looking up at him and finding that he was again staring down at you, hat pulled low over his brow. He looked young and vulnerable, his beard dark across his pale skin. “And if this isn’t, then dinner definitely would be.” There was another pause and the next thing you knew, Billy had removed his arm from your shoulders, turning to face you completely and angling your body to face him. That done, he moved both hands up to your face and leaned down, closing the distance between the two of you.

“I’ve been waiting since the first night we met to hear you say that.” There was no taste of alcohol on his lips that time, and there was no hesitation in the kiss, either. Your mouth moved against his with ease, and you stepped forward, closing the distance between the two of you. Billy deepened the kiss almost immediately, tilting your head to give himself better access to your mouth and you felt something shift between the two of you.

You’d failed at keeping things platonic with Billy Russo, but in that moment, you didn’t care. When the two of you broke apart, you were both breathing heavily - his eyes were wide and dark, and your lips remained parted as you stared up at him. “I… was that OK?” There wasn’t a hesitation as you nodded, fingertips moving up to touch his cheek, and he closed his eyes, licking his lips. “Good.”

You didn’t make it to dinner until much later that evening.

---

[safflowerseason]

(Part 3) 4) also, re: season 7 so far, and keep in mind I’m two episodes in, I don’t even recognise Dan, and to a lesser extent Amy, anymore. I don’t even feel I’m watching Veep anymore, not as it was set out for the first four seasons. Is Mandel known to be the devil or something? What in the frack was this vision of the characters meant to be - ‘evolved’? Or does he just hate them? 5) I hated what he did to the Selina and Amy relationship too. Does Mandel hate women? Is this a known thing?

These are all questions that we’ve been batting around on here since the finale aired in May (which is when I got on Tumblr, incidentally, because I had to take my Veep feelings somewhere.) To a certain degree, there’s never going to be a solid, black-and-white answer to any of them, really. You can read everything David Mandel ever said in public about his vision for Veep, you can close-read what the actors say on press tours…but it’s just not the same as being in the room. And certainly, it’s worth pointing out that all shows evolve, and they gain and lose fans through those changes. No show ends the exactly the same as when it started (although…some shows manage this evolution better than others.) 

So, now that I’ve gotten my neutral disclaimer out of the way, I can get on with the fun ranting. 

4) Dan is absolutely unrecognizable in S7 from how he appears even at the end of S6, barring little flashes here and there. While Amy’s general arc holds together slightly better than Dan’s, she still suffers from some major out of character moments in 7.02, as we all were just discussing recently. (Dan’s arc just makes no sense.) 7.02 is just rough on all counts. Unless you’re an avid Selina/Tom shipper in which case you probably got something out of it. 

Also—and this is a general pet peeve of mine, as a California native—the episode is supposd to take place in Colorado and yet was so clearly filmed in Southern California (they posted a ton of pictures from the ranch where they filmed). Like, there are parts of California that resemble Colorado, but you have to go a little further than Malibu to get there. (I have the same beef with Parks and Rec. It’s so obviously not Indiana.) 

Mostly, what it all boils down to is bad writing. I don’t care if Mandel thought Dan and Amy would never work as a couple. That’s fine. That’s a legitimate opinion. Run your show the way you want, dude. What I do care about is bad writing. It is bad writing when in 7.01, Amy seems intent on having the baby without Dan, and then in 7.02, suddenly Amy wants to pitch Dan a white-picket fences vision of domestic stability that neither of them have ever been particularly interested in. Sex-Psychopath Dan is bad writing because it completely contradicts everything we know about the character even taking S6 into consideration. The Dan we see in S7 would have slept with Leigh Patterson in S4 just because she was young and there and he is apparently a sex-addict, hahahaha, when of course S4 Dan would never be caught dead in the sexual proximity of a nineteen year old he theoretically works with. And yes, of course, characters can change. But you have to show that change, which they do not. 

As for whether Mandel is the devil, (lol)…I think he was just very intent on doing the version of the show he saw in his head, and did not feel very obligated to try and replicate the show that Armando Iannucci had built. He had a completely different sensibility as an artist. I wrote a longer post somewhere on my blog about the differences in their approaches, if you’re interested, but ultimately I think what happened is that two very different universes got mashed together. Mandel didn’t hate the characters…he just thought they were all monsters and that was the point.

Also, two things happened the show couldn’t get away from, for obvious reasons: Trump was elected and the show was on an extended hiatus for 2017 and most of 2018 due to JLD’s cancer diagnosis. In the interim, all of America watched the government begin to melt in real time on Twitter. As a result, David Mandel rebooted the original ending for the show, in order to better capture this new moment in American politics (how effectively he did so is obviously up for debate.) The creative team and the cast were all fairly open about how dramatically Trumpian politics shaped their approach to the final season. So basically Trump is the short-answer reason to why a ton of plot threads get dropped between S6 and S7. I am 99% percent sure that the original plan was for Amy to have the baby before the hiatus and the resulting reboot. (Although at the same time, I do not think Dan and Amy would have gotten a very satisfying ending under Mandel. He also posted some pre-reboot snippets of the original outline for the finale, which have hinted that quite a few things did not change…for example, it seems that BKD was always doomed to be a one-episode plot device designed to get everyone back on Selina’s team, which is stupid.)

5) As for Mandel’s writing of female characters, I feel more comfortable speaking definitively here because in this case, it doesn’t matter what they were thinking in the room, but how it came across on the page and on the screen. Mandel obviously would say he doesn’t hate women, but he’s seems like one of those “liberal” white guys who has a lot of sh*t to work through regarding his own assumptions about women and femininity. He turned Selina into this misogynistic sociopath who abuses every woman in her sight with extremely gendered language, and he consistently punished Amy the character explicitly for not being hot enough or quiet enough or acquiescent enough for a woman. Like, the show always made fun of Mike for being dumb. It did not always make fun of Amy for being ugly and old. Moreover, Mandel/the show basically implies that Amy is a failure as a woman because she’s not maternal and also old and ugly, so she never got to be a mother and she never got to be with the man she truly loved. (sorry, Bill.) (Um, also, the audience has eyes? Anna Chlumsky is neither old nor ugly.)

I find it plausible that Amy and Selina’s relationship deteriorates over time…there is a subtle professional Dan/Amy/Selina triangle at work in S1-S4, and as Amy gets older and starts to figure out what she really wants from her life (and if Dan were the one she was trying to figure it out with), I don’t think Iannucci-Selina would react very well to it. (She would never be as openly abusive as S7 Selina, but I can’t imagine she’d be thrilled if Amy got pregnant just in time for her reelection campaign.) The show also makes it clear that Selina has an extremely complicated relationship with women and feminism, not to mention the fact that Amy herself is not particularly confident in her own body. 

However…there were lots of ways to explore those complex character fault-lines without Selina abusing Amy constantly. She tries to sell her to Leon! Part of it is a complete lack of nuance and part of it is just plain old sexism. 

Veep and the sexism of its later years has also been a pretty big discussion topic within the Veep Tumblr community, and you’ll definitely find posts on it if you poke around more closely (my blog, and also @thebookofmaev has written a lot about it as well.) 

[patricia-von-arundel]

Hey, look what I found - the story that birthed the Boarding House AU! Want to know how it began? 

What If?: What if Anna married Hans? What if Elsa had not struck Anna in the ice palace?

You don’t have to protect me. I’m not afraid.

“But I am afraid,” Anna whispered. “Oh, Elsa... I’m so afraid.” “Did you say something?” Hans half-turned to look at her, and she could hear the impatience in his voice. He worked hard. She managed a smile. “No. I’m sorry. Just thinking aloud.”

She had told him. Told him that Elsa had almost struck her, would have if Anna had not slipped, trying to reach her on the slick surface of the ice. She didn’t know yet that he had brought Elsa back - that she was chained in the dungeons beneath their feet.

And he had not told her. Not then. Instead, he revealed the truth of what had happened, all those years ago - the reason the castle had been locked up, Anna and Elsa kept apart. The truth had hit like a blow, leaving her breathless and trembling. “But... how do you know that?” “Your father kept diaries. Elsa had them in her room.” “Oh.” He gathered her close, stroking her arms until the trembling eased. “But you’re safe now. You are my beloved wife. I will always protect you - and Arendelle.”

She thought of Kristoff, sometimes. She had wondered if he could come back. But he did not. And she also wondered, thinking of Hans, if that was actually for the best.

“Shock,” the physician said, and maybe it was. She felt numb, most of the time, but it was interspersed with terror and sorrow and a queer, inappropriate giddiness that sent her pacing the halls, no matter the hour, until it passed. The physician recommended rest and warmth and simple diet. She had very little appetite at all. The marriage was consummated, as he told her it had to be. But he asked if it was alright - and if she was ready. After, he wiped her tears away, and whispered of his love for her. He said she would be queen.

She went to Elsa, in the dungeons. She did not ask permission. She knew what the answer would be. But Elsa might have been carved of ice. Still and wan, she sat on the hard surface of the bed, staring at the tiny window with glazed, unblinking eyes. She had lost weight. The guards said she would not eat. Anna ordered them to bring soup and tea, and for a moment, felt almost like herself again. But Elsa turned from the spoon in Anna’s hand, giving a curt shake of her head. The food and drink quickly cooled in the frigid air, a shiny sheen of oil separating to the surface of the bowl. Elsa closed her eyes. Finally, Anna left.

Though the kingdom was Anna’s, Hans took care of royal affairs, knowing she was in a period of mourning. He assured her he could handle it all - including Elsa. Anna had seen the order, declaring Elsa a traitor to the kingdom. Her advisory council had all signed it, as had Hans - in her name, as heir to her sister’s throne. Copies were made. They were distributed around the village, nailed to posts and walls for the few who still ventured out into the endless winter. The order promised them an end to it, with Queen Elsa’s execution.

Anna told her what would happen. Elsa said nothing, but an even deeper chill settled in the dry, clear air. Her wrists were chafed raw by the manacles. She was not being treated as a prisoner, Anna realized - to Hans, she was a caged animal.

Some of those in Arendelle - the poorest, mostly, who had no stockpiles nor means to purchase from those who did - made it clear they believed the queen’s execution should come more quickly. They marched on the castle, a ragged, shouting mob. Anna watched from an upstairs window. She saw them raise the crude figure of cloth and straw, impaled on a stick, a paper crown atop its head. They cheered as the flames licked and climbed and finally engulfed their royal effigy. The ice steamed and dissipated around it. No one else appeared to notice. But when the crowd dispersed - driven away by cold and the gathering darkness - she saw several of the servants with brooms and baskets, carefully and thoroughly gathering up every scrap of blackened fabric.

Hans said there were “necessities” to take care of before an execution could take place. He didn’t tell her what those were, and she didn’t ask. It meant one thing to her: Time. And once more, the heat of determination flared within her breast, flooded her veins.

She went to Elsa’s room.

Had she ever been in it? She didn’t believe that she had. Neat and clean and organized. Dark, muted colors. Dust beginning to collect on the desk, the windowsill - had it really been so long? Time passed at unexpected angles and edges, in a world without seasons. There were papers and diaries and torn pages from books here, as he had said - but they were scattered across the room, in heaps and stacks and loose pages, and she knew that was not her sister’s doing. She felt something burn in her belly - anger. But she read. She read and absorbed and considered.

He wanted her each night, carnal pleasure that left him groaning and clinging. There was no more pain, at least. And at times, she felt sparks of something almost like pleasure.

She asked that a journal be ordered, hoping it would arrive in time. Everything had to be carried over land. The fjord was solid, smooth, broken only by the splintered remains of ships. People had begun to plunder them, and why not? They were only so much kindling now. And that was just what was needed. Brave - or more desperate? - souls ventured below decks, to bring up the salted beef and dried cod and biscuit that were the staples of life at sea. A child was found in the market square; Anna heard two of the maids discussing it in low, horrified voices - no one was certain if the girl, no more than four years old, had succumbed to cold or hunger. There was no family to claim her. “Does it really matter?” one of the maids asked. “She’s dead anyway.” The other clucked her tongue. “Likely we all will be, soon enough.”

Elsa could sometimes be coaxed to take a few bites of food, to sip from a cup of tea - but only from Anna. She went every day now, and it was clear the guards at the door saw no reason to inform Hans of her visits. It was difficult, though, to see Elsa grown so gaunt, fragile bones tracing lines where the flesh had all but withered away. She rarely spoke, and when she did, all the commanding tone of the queen had been lost, her voice a gossamer whisper. “They’re going to kill me,” she said one day, soft and resigned. There could be no lies between them now - Anna would not allow it. “Yes,” she said, and ducked her head to hide the gleam of tears. Only in her chambers that night, curled beneath the layers of quilts and waiting for the oblivion of sleep, did she realize Elsa had not included her in the accused.

There were more protests, shouting and anger echoing through the narrow streets. Hans ordered the gates shut once more.

But it was different now - Anna could still go out. Things could still come in. And she did go, sometimes, heavily bundled against cold and easy identification. She looked for Kristoff, but never saw him, nor found anyone who had, though a few recognized his name. She owed him a sled. But if she couldn’t find him, there was no way to tell him she remembered her debt. It gnawed at her.

The package came - the journal had arrived, though several months after publication. She locked herself in the small upstairs library, though it was rare that anyone cared where she was or what she did during the day. She was surprised, several hours later, to realize the sun was low on the horizon, the library awash in shadow. She closed the journal carefully, and let her hand linger on the cover. She watched out the windows as the sky darkened to purple, the first stars winking high above.

“You seem distracted,” Hans said at dinner. Anna smiled at him over the flickering candles at the center of the table. “I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t sleep so well last night.” “Early to bed tonight, then.” The candlelight made his teeth gleam when he smiled. She looked down at her lap, as if trying to hide her own smile. He didn’t ask much of her, after all - just the kingdom to play with, and her body for a few minutes each night.

The next day, she wrote a letter.

She went down to see it sent out, taking it personally - the skilling heavy in the bag tied at her hip. Young men gathered, now, near the taverns at the edge of town. There was little work for anyone, but for a hefty fee - in money, in goods, or in favors paid upstairs in a tavern - they would make deliveries or seek particular desired items across the mountains, outside of Arendelle. She had looked for Kristoff here. He was never there. She found a man leaning against the wall some distance from the others. She spoke to him quietly. She went home without the weight at her side.

A date was announced. Soon - too soon. The dread that settled in her center was cold as ice. She would watch, and wait for a miracle.

She asked to take the news to Elsa herself. “Of course,” Hans said - and she knew he had been told of her visits there. He didn’t seem upset, at least; he was writing the official proclamation, somehow keeping ink off his pristine, snowy-white gloves. Had she paid enough?

Elsa looked to the door as it opened. She was bent against the weight of manacles, but her eyes found Anna’s, and read the truth there. “Soon,” she said. “A month’s time,” Anna said. Elsa nodded, and looked away. She did not eat that day, or the next.

Snow fell. Perhaps it was natural - the year was waning, after all. She stopped going out, even bundled to anonymity. All the people of Arendelle seemed to talk of was the upcoming execution. Instead, she watched the mountains, as if she might catch sign of a lone figure upon them.

What did Kristoff do now, she wondered. Surely, no one wanted ice? She allowed herself to imagine, in the cocooning darkness of night, grandiose adventures that could never have been. Her favorite, most often revived in the vivid theatre of mind’s eye, saw her secretly commissioning a new sled, and getting word to Kristoff. When he came, they would disarm the guards, carry Elsa away, all of them escaping into the mountains. They would become nomads, roaming the world, always one step ahead of the men Hans sent after them. It was fanciful, ridiculous, romantic nonsense. And it soothed her: for as long as she was in her dreams, she found again the girl with braids and a madly beating heart full of hope.

Hans consulted articles not unlike those she had read, and shared his thoughts whether she wanted to hear them or not. He was trying to decide - what would be the most effective way to execute one protected by magic? He settled on poison. He hinted that Anna, who was the only one for whom Elsa ate and drank, might be required to deliver it. For the first time, Anna wondered how long it would be before apathy gave to hatred.

One of the guards delivered the letter. Her hands trembled as she opened it. A slice across her finger, blood welling in a thin, perfect line, and it stained the paper. Heavy with words. She read them, and again, and again. Then, she started to cry.

Preparations for another coronation - this one hurried, and out of season, and, he said, of absolute necessity. She agreed to everything. There was no reason to argue. She told Elsa, though.

She told Elsa everything.

There was revelry, now, in the streets. The queen is dead. Long live the queen.

The crown on her head. But Hans was not king. She allowed him no more than prince consort. This was her land. She would rule. And she had a truth now that he knew could see him, too, turned on by the people of Arendelle. He would not deny her. He had himself publicly announced Queen Elsa’s death. “Queen Anna of Arendelle!”

With spring came thaw.

She ordered a sled made. One day, she would see him again.

She returned to the dungeon cell - the first time in all those many months. They had, as yet, changed nothing. Maybe she would order that they could never change it. A memorial. A warm breeze, and the salty smell of the fjord, came in through the jagged hole in the wall. Anna smiled. “Goodbye, Elsa.”

[huahsu]

YEAR OF WHAT HAPPENS ON EARTH STAYS ON EARTH

[longer version of what I contributed to the new yorker’s year-end package. you can read that here, and listen to the accompanying megamix the video team made! links to previous year’s lists at bottom.] I did not grow up going to church, and I am not a particularly religious person. A few days after the inauguration, I wandered into a nearby church and took a seat in the back pews. I’d gone there right after the election. There was some time for anyone with anything on their mind to stand up and speak. If you need others to pray for you, just let us know. A middle-aged black man in a leather jacket got up and began telling us about an argument he was having with a friend on Facebook. It was about the election, but it was actually about the intractability of racism. He was getting frustrated while describing it to us, in part because he seemed to value being the cool and level-headed one. Plus he was describing the kind of argument millions of people were having on the Internet. “I just hope he finds peace,” the guy said. He paused, then put his hands on his chest. “On a lighter note, today would have been Jimi Hendrix’s seventy-fourth birthday.” He opened up his leather jacket to show everyone his Hendrix t-shirt. “I just wanted to say that, because he was just awesome.” So I returned here, the day after marching through Manhattan with a poster that said “HOLD ON, BE STRONG.” I needed to be in a room that was powered by something other than hate--to be reminded of vision and purpose, even if they weren’t mine to claim. To listen to wisdom gleaned from a book I’ve never read, and pick and choose what I wanted. To hear others pour themselves into songs I never, ever sing along to. I wanted to steal their vibes.  Instead of a hymn, they passed out small pieces of paper with the lyrics of John Lennon’s “Imagine.” This is not the type of church people come to for the music. The pianist started playing, and I remember thinking about how it felt like magic when I learned how to play those chords as a kid. I couldn’t believe we were doing this. We sang, tentatively at first, as though we could not believe these words in this space. Picture it: singing of “no heaven” and “no religion, too,” with humility and hope, inside a house of worship. It was like an admission that faith was inadequate. All we had was one another. “Imagine” is a song I’ve heard millions of times, the type of song that is so ubiquitous that we rarely bother scrutinizing its words, its vantage point, the possibility that someone wrote these words because he actually believed them. I sang along with a room of strangers, and we looked at one another, and, for the first time in months, I began to cry.   TWO LYRICS THAT REMINDED ME OF POLITICS EVEN IF THEY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH POLITICS "Wrote this shit January 21″ “Take me back to November / Take me back to November” “I’M AN ANGRY TEENAGER” Novelist, “Street Politician” ONCE THEY START, I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE END Jim O’Rourke’s recently unearthed cover of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car” Kanye’s sitcom-length remix of “Bed” THURSDAY NIGHTS ON NBC Ross from Friends’ very Madchester guitar-y Boiler Room set DJ Seinfeld, Time Spent Away from U Nino Man, Jadakiss and Styles P, “Friends”

IN ANOTHER YEAR FULL OF NIRVANA/KURT COBAIN REFERENCES (DID YOU SEE JAY:Z’S JACKET?) MY FAVORITE SONG, PROBABLY: this Trippie Redd snippet

SOME VERSIONS OF THE NINETIES THAT WILL NEVER COME BACK THE WAY GRUNGE ENNUI HAS, BUT WERE SO POSSIBILITY-RICH TO ME BACK THEN Kicking Giant, This Being the Ballad of Kicking Giant, Halo: NYC/Olympia 1989-1993 Helium, The Dirt of Luck/The Magic City LIKE MANY WHO LOVED “A STORM IN HEAVEN,” I OVERLOOKED THEM AT THE TIME Acetone, 1992-2001 A REALLY GOOD BOOK ABOUT ACETONE, LOS ANGELES, DREAMS OF GREATNESS Sam Sweet, Hadley Lee Lightcap WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS IN 1994, 2002 OR 2017 Big Thief, Capacity CREDIBLE AND DOPE EARLY NINETIES R&B HOMAGE, SAX AND ALL Joyce Wrice, “Good Morning” SPEAKING OF THE NINETIES, LEECH MADE A MIXTAPE OF JUST THE FLOATY/DREAMY PARTS TAKEN FROM CLASSIC GOOD LOOKING/MOVING SHADOW SINGLES Leech, “Just the Liquid” FOR THE COMEDOWN, DARK-ASS STUFF ASSEMBLED EXCLUSIVELY FROM SLIPKNOT SAMPLES Croww, Prosthetics NOSTALGIA, ULTRA (UK GARAGE/BASSLINE EDITION) tqd, ukg SUMMERTIME ‘SECOND SUMMER OF LOVE’ VIBE Opus III, “It’s a Fine Day (Burt Fox remix)” UNEXPECTED BURIAL SUMMERTIME VIBES Monic, “Deep Summer (Burial remix)” NO REISSUE OR  tk ANNIVERSARY TIE-IN, JUST SOME OLD SONGS I RE/DISCOVERED THIS YEAR Active Minds, “Hobson’s Choice” El-B, “El-Brand” Kamal Abdul Alim, “Brotherhood” Spiritualized in Reykjavik  U2, “Numb (Soul Assassins remix)” U2, “Mysterious Ways (Massive Attack remix)”

SAME, BUT TAIWANESE INDIE ROCK EDITION Chocolate Tiger, “Piecing Together” REISSUES, OR: PEOPLE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WEIRD AND SPACY#, OBSESSED WITH NATURAL BEAUTY## # Planetary Peace, Synthesis # Pauline Anna Strom, Trans-Millennia Music ## Pep Llopis, Poiemusia La Nau Dels Argonaut REISSUES, OR: WHEN I WAS A CHILD THERE WERE NO BETTER SONGS THAN THE ONES THAT PLAYED THROUGH TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE AND FOR SOME REASON THIS JOYOUS EP REMIND ME OF THAT SHEEN, THOSE HOOKS, THE PERFECT, THEATER-SIZED ECHO Om Alec Khaoli, Say You Love Me BEST ALBUM-LENGTH METAPHOR FOR THE CITY, ITS LIMITATIONS AND POSSIBILITIES Wiki, No Mountains In Manhattan SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE IT WAS DESCRIBED, JAMAICA VIA OUTER SPACE Equiknoxx, Colon Man I NEED TO GO OUT MORE Jex Opolis, “Mt. Belzoni” KH, “Question”

I LISTENED TO THIS ABOUT TEN TIMES, MY SENSE OF ENCHANTMENT GROWING AND GROWING EACH TIME, BEFORE REALIZING THERE WERE BARELY ANY DRUMS ON IT Mr. Mitch, Devout SERIOUSLY THE MR. MITCH ALBUM WAS REALLY MOVING AND FANTASTIC Mr. Mitch f/ Denai Moore, “Fate” CRAZY WISDOM MASTER Vince Staples, Big Fish Theory C’MON AND RAISE UP Rapsody f/ Kendrick, Lance Skiiwalker, “Power” SO ICEY Zomby, Mercury’s Rainbow ECHO PARTY Demen, Nektyr Evy Jane, “Give Me Love” THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST Vic Mensa, The Autobiography DUNGEON FAMILY, EVEN IN DARKNESS Earthgang f/ J.I.D., “Meditate” FUNNY HOW TIME SLIPS AWAY Lee Gamble, Mnestic Pressure Pessimist, s/t NOT SURE HOW THIS BECAME THE DIWALI OF 2017 BUT OKAY French Montana f/ Mariah, Rae Sremmurd, PNB Rock, Belly, Elephant Man, Vybz Kartel, J Balvin, NORE, Wizkid, “Unforgettable” HOW ARE THIS MANY PEOPLE ON A FOUR MINUTE SONG? GOOD VIDEO THOUGH A$AP Mob f/ A$AP Rocky, Playboi Carti, Quavo, Lil Uzi Vert and Frank Ocean, “RAF” I LIKE IT WHEN FERG’S VOICE GETS ALL NAGGY Ferg, “Plain Jane” METRO BOOMIN MADE A BEAT THAT REMINDED ME OF RADIOHEAD Post Malone f/ Quavo, “Congratulations” THE MARIACHI VERSION IS PRETTY SWEET Brian Imanuel, “How I surprised Post Malone with a mariachi band” ”IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR LYRICS, IF YOU’RE LOOKING TO CRY, IF YOU’RE LOOKING TO THINK ABOUT LIFE...” JonWayne, Rap Album Two CORNBALL PIANOS AND THEN THAT SYNTH DRAGS, AND THEN THE DRUMS KICK Tee Grizzley, “First Day Out” “BUT WILD/WITH MY MONOTONE STYLE” 21 Savage, “Bankroll” Kodak Black, “Candy Paint” Rich Chigga, “Glow Like Dat” ANNUAL SPOT RESERVED FOR LA MUSICA DE HARRY FRAUD French Montana f/ Pharrell, “Bring Dem Things” WHEN LAETITIA SAYS HER OWN NAME ON “EMBERS” Vagabon, Infinite Worlds WHEN JESSIE LEANS INTO THE WORD “FUCK” Jessie Reyez, “Figures” THAT LIGHT MISTING, THAT CASUAL SPRITZ OF SYNTHS Lanark Artefax, “Touch Absence” A GOOD ANTI-DJT THING THAT CAME OUT EARLY THIS YEAR, WHICH FEELS LIKE EONS AGO Lushlife + friends, My Idols are Dead + My Enemies are in Power THE BABY, THE FLUTES, PIERRE’S OBNOXIOUSLY LONG TAG, THE JESSE LINGARD DANCE Playboi Carti, “Magnolia” ILLEST SHIT I SAW THIS YEAR, BABY-RELATED A child at a restaurant watching an iPad and an iPhone at the same damn time “[FREE] PLAYBOI CARTI TYPE BEAT” YBN Nahmir, “Rubbin off the Paint” GUNS N ROSES, BEFORE ONE OF THE WEIRDEST BEEFS OF THE YEAR Trippie Redd f/ 6IX9INE, “POLES1469″ SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE YOU CAN SING, AND DO IT WITH CONVICTION, AND I WILL LISTEN Trippie Redd, “Rack City/Love Scars 2″ ALL THE BACKGROUND NOISE/ECHOED-OUT ADLIBS MAKE THIS BlocBoy JB, “No Chorus Pt 10″ SMERZ HAS FUN DESPITE THE AWKWARD OF IT ALL Smerz on NTS IT SEEMS REALLY EASY TO MAKE A GOOD-SOUNDING SONG THESE DAYS Global Dan, “Off White” OF ALL THE DOPE SHIT THAT FUTURE APPEARED ON THIS YEAR, THE MOMENT I WILL REMEMBER IS That tiny pause before he sings “I need fresh air,” when he seems happy and content IS THAT A GEORGE MICHAEL SAMPLE? Mozzy, “Prayed for This” THE FIX C Struggs, “Go to Jesus” "IT’S COOL, BUT IT’S NOT...END ZONE” Lil Uzi Vert, “XO TOUR Llif3″ AN ALBUM BOOKENDED BY TOTALLY DIFFERENT KINDS OF COLIN KAEPERNICK/TAKE A KNEE REFERENCES Miguel, War and Leisure IT WAS A VERY GOOD YEAR Brockhampton, Saturation I-III SZA, Ctrl SPEAKING OF SZA: WHAT A GREAT TITLE, BESIDES IT BEING ONE OF MY FAVORITE ALBUMS OF THE YEAR Kingdom, Tears in the Club THE KELELA ALBUM WAS LOVELY, AS ARE THESE Kelela x Bok Bok, Dub Me Apart A RANDOM YOUTUBE COVER THAT I ALSO LIKED, BECAUSE IT CAPTURED HOW MELODIC THE ORIGINAL ACTUALLY IS Kathleen Nguyen covering Kendrick and Zacari’s “Love.” DAMN. WAS GOOD Almost as good as “The Heart Part 4″ LIKE A DE LA SOUL ALBUM, SOMETHING THAT I KNOW I WILL CONTINUE ENJOYING/UNDERSTANDING ANEW FOR YEARS TO COME Tyler, the Creator, Flower Boy ”BLONDED RADIO” MADE ME JOIN APPLE MUSIC Frank Ocean, “Chanel” Frank Ocean, “Biking (solo)” Tyler and Frank, “Where This Flower Blooms” MACH HOMMY MAKES GOOD MUSIC THAT’S HARD TO ACCESS “x Earl Sweatshirt” EP ty Soundcloud IT’S A WEIRD TIME B/W THIS BEAT IS SO DEMENTED Tay-K, “The Race” PROBABLY MY FAVORITE PHARRELL BEAT Kap G f/ Pharrell, “Icha Gicha” MAYBE THE GREATEST MUSIC EVER MADE, REISSUED Pharoah Sanders

REMINDED ME OF PHAROAH, WHEN IT WASN’T REMINDING ME OF BON IVER Joseph Shabason, Aytche AND I ENJOYED AYTCHE FOR SIMILAR REASONS I LIKED ZONING OUT TO Tom Rogerson and Brian Eno, Finding Shore ANNUAL SLOT RESERVED FOR MUSIC I LOVED THAT FEATURED HARP Alice Coltrane, World Spirituality Classics Vol 1

SAME, BUT FOR HARP STUFF THAT ALSO SHOUTS OUT WAWA Mary Lattimore, Collected Pieces ANNUAL SLOT RESERVED FOR TASTEFUL VIBRAPHONE Jenifa Mayanja, “Warrior Strutt” YOU TRYING TO GET THE PIPE, TO PLAY IT, OF COURSE, AS PART OF AN EXPERIMENTAL COMPOSITION? Mary Jane Leach, Pipe Dreams THERE’S A MOMENT DURING THAT BAD BOY DOCUMENTARY CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP WHERE IT BECOMES CLEAR THAT EVERYONE WHO WORKS CLOSELY WITH DIDDY EVENTUALLY TURNS TO GOD, AND IT WAS LIKE THE STRANGE OBVERSE OF Jay Z et al, 4:44 footnotes 2016, BUT I SAT IN THE MET BREUER AND WATCHED THIS OVER AND OVER FOR ABOUT AN HOUR Arthur Jafa, “Love is the Message, The Message is Death” I WANT TO WATCH THE FULL FOUR HOURS OF THIS Dev Hynes talking to Philip Glass TRICKSTERY BUT KINDA MESMERIZING! Klein, Tommy Lolina, Lolita EP Hype Williams, Rainbow Edition “NOT ANOTHER GOT MORE SEOUL, UNLESS YOU KOREAN” (CHILLWAVE REMIX) Mogwaa, Deja Vu “THE TING GOES SKRRRAHH, PAP, PAP, KA-KA-KA/SKIDIKI-PAP-PAP, AND A PU-PU-PUDRRRR-BOOM/SKYA, DU-DU-KU-KU-DUN-DUN/POOM, POOM, YOU DON’ KNOW” Big Shaq, “Mans Not Hot” IBID., BUT “PERKY” Drake, More Life I WANTED TO LIKE THE WIZKID ALBUM MORE, BUT THIS WAS AWESOME Tiwa Savage f/ Wizkid and Spellz, “Ma Lo” LISTENED TO THIS QUITE A FEW TIMES SIMPLY BECAUSE ”BREAKING NEWS: WILD GOAT ON THE LOOSE” IS A WEIRD LINE Lancey Foux f/ AJ Tracey, Kojey Radical and Jevon, “Wild Goat” UNITED TIL I DIE BUT AJ TRACEY’S TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR KIT LAUNCH FREESTYLE HAD ME BUZZZZZZIN AJ Tracey, “False 9″ DIFFERENT TIME OF DAY, KINDA LEFT ME SPEECHLESS Grouper, “Children” Colleen, A Flame my love, a frequency Kara Lis Coverdale, Grafts Ryuichi Sakamoto, async LEFT RYUICHI SAKAMOTO ENVIOUS Metaphors: Selected Soundworks from the Cinema of Apichatpong Weerasethakul FROM OMNI TRIO TO THIS, A PRETTY VISIONARY CAREER Robert Haigh, Creatures of the Deep A SONG THAT FEATURED TWO PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE PRETTY BIG IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF YEARS DJDS f/ Amber Mark and Marco McKinnis, “Trees on Fire” LIKE, THIS IS GREAT Amber Mark, “Lose My Cool” AWESOME YEAR FOR POTIONS Social Lovers, “Drop Me a Line” Boss, “Song for Gods” WHISKED ME BACK TO MEMORIES OF the enormous room Joakim, “Samurai” Calvin Harris f/ Frank Ocean and Migos, “Slide” Amp Fiddler, “I’m Feeling You” Chaos in the CBD, Accidental Meetings LIKE FALLING ASLEEP ON THE SUBWAY, OR A TRUCK HITTING A POTHOLE AND SPITTING OUT A RECORD COLLECTION, OR HEARING A NANOSECOND OF BRAND NUBIAN THROUGH SOMEONE’S HEADPHONES AS YOU PASS THEM ON THE STREET, IT’S A VIBE Standing on the Corner, Red Burns MIKE’S A SAVIOR Mike 1. I SPENT A LOT OF TIME THIS YEAR THINKING ABOUT THE STRENGTH, ELASTICITY, FRAGILITY, GRAIN OF THE HUMAN VOICE AND SOME OF THIS WAS TOTALLY NECESSARY AND SUBLIME Deep Throat Choir, Be Ok Diamanda Galas, All the Way Moses Sumney, Aromanticism 2. SO ACHINGLY GOOD AND INTIMATE, ESPECIALLY THAT FAINT CROAK IN THE FIRST CHORUS Rostam f/ Kelly Zutrau, “Half-Light” 3. OF COURSE THESE WORLD-MAKERS TOO Bjork, Utopia Kaitlyn Aurelia Smith, The Kid Valerie June, “Astral Plane” 3a. A STRANGE PROPOSITION THAT I ENDED UP ADORING KAS covering Sade’s "By Your Side" THE BAY AREA IS JUST DIFFERENT Droop-E, Trillionaire Thoughts Lil B, Black Ken THE “BUILD YOU UP” VIDEO WAS FUN AND ALL BUT I’M REALLY GLAD THIS WASN’T THAT Kamiayah, Before I Wake THE BAY TO L.A. AND BACK AGAIN Mozzy f/ G Perico, “Blammatory” G Perico f/ Mozzy, “What’s Real” GYEAH MC Eiht, Which Way Iz West OUTRUN THE BEAT SOB x RBE, “Lane Changing 2″ BANDS THAT ALWAYS SOUND LIKE THEMSELVES, IN WAYS THAT I FIND COMFORTING the xx, I See You King Krule, The Ooz SAME AS ABOVE, MIDDLE-AGED DIVISION The Feelies, In Between Slowdive, “Star Roving” SOMEONE WHO SOUNDS LIKE NO ONE ELSE Jlin, Black Origami THE NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM Dreezy f/ 6LACK and Kodak Black, “Spar” I LOOKED UP EACH TIME THIS CAME ON THE SHUFFLE Shanti Celeste, “Loop One/Selector”

PROBABLY MY FAVORITE SONG GoldLink f/ Brent Faiyaz and Shy Glizzy, “Crew” OR MAYBE Jorja Smith x Preditah, “On My Mind” THIS WAS SICK TOO GoldLink & Co. covering Outkast’s “Roses” MAYBE THE BEST SONG J Hus, “Did You See”

ANOTHER YEAR, ANOTHER YEAR WHERE MY FAVORITE RELEASE WAS PROBABLY FROM YAEJI, THE “GLASSES FOGGING UP” LINE WAS VERY RELATABLE Yaeji, EP2 THE SONG OF THE SPRING, SUMMER, WINTER   I MEAN, IT’S WAYNE’S WORLD, WE JUST LIVE IN IT ### SIKH DEVOTIONAL MUSIC :: 2016 SPOOKY BLACK :: 2015

[rxbxlcaptain]

Mi Estrella

Happy May 4th to @emmaawatson!! She gave me the prompt “Cassian and Jyn become neighbors. Jyn has a kid and Cassian falls in love with Jyn and is great with her kid. Fluffy and long please :)” I really hope you meant long, because I just started writing and somehow this ended up to be over 14k words. 

Special thanks to @therebelcaptainnetwork for organizing this amazing exchange, to my beta, @wearesuchstuff1, who is the main reason this fic is halfway decent, and also to my followers to jumped up to offer me help on the Spanish translations! 

AO3 / Below the cut!

“Sam, watch out!”

Cassian heard the yell half a second before he saw the bike heading straight towards him. With a yelp of his own, Cassian jumped off the sidewalk, scarcely missing the ten-year-old and his speeding bike. The bike tires screeched as the kid hit the brakes, yelling, “Sorry, mister!” over his shoulder.

Cassian’s heart was still racing as a woman – likely the boy’s mother and the woman who’d yelled before – came racing towards him. She wore  workout gear, her dark hair tied back in a tight bun, sweat dotting her forehead. No one, Cassian decided, should look that attractive after finishing a workout.  

“Are you all right?” She demanded of Cassian, who nodded, still in shock. The woman turned to the boy next, who had approached them sheepishly. If he had a tail to tuck between his legs, Cassian was sure that’s where it would be. “Samuel Galen Erso, what have I told you about speeding down these sidewalks?”

“Sorry, Mom,” he muttered.

“Apologize to the poor man you almost ran over.”

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, keeping his head down, and his mom rolled her eyes.

“No, an actual apology.”

Cassian wanted to assure the woman it was fine, no blood no foul, but the boy – Sam, had she called him? – listened to her, meeting Cassian’s eye and said in a much clearer tone, “I’m sorry for almost hitting you, sir.”

“I’ll forgive you if you promise not to call me sir again,” Cassian chuckled. “I’m not that old yet.”

Half a grin spread across Sam’s face, and Cassian winked at him. If riding his bike too fast was this kid’s worst crime, Cassian couldn’t find a problem with him.

“I’ll meet you back upstairs, Sam. Let me make sure this guy won’t sue us or something.” Cassian cocked an eyebrow at her. Surely she was joking. “And be careful with your bike!” She called after her son as he darted up the stairs, carrying his bike in front of him.

She turned back to Cassian, sticking out her hand. “Sorry about that again. I’m Jyn Erso, and that little dare devil is my son, Sam. I think we’re neighbors, but this is not how I intended to introduce myself.”

“Cassian Andor,” Cassian said, taking her hand. “Are you the neighbors that are always burning their dinner, or the ones that blast the Tarzan soundtrack at 6 am every morning?” Cassian only moved to Jedha, and this apartment, a week ago so he hadn’t had time to introduce himself to anyone yet. Hopefully Jyn understood he was joking and not bothered by any of it, whether she caused the burnt food smells or an extra alarm clock in the morning.

Jyn gave him a wryly smile. “Tarzan is us, though the only reason you haven’t smelled me burning food is because I haven’t attempted to cook since 2005. Microwaves are your friends. I won’t keep you though,” she gestured to the messenger bag hanging off Cassian’s shoulder. “Looks like you’re heading to work. On a Saturday, too. Poor you.”

“Yeah, well,” Cassian shrugged. “New job, new boss to impress. It was nice to meet you, Jyn. I’ll see you around.”

“Maybe next time won’t almost result in bodily harm.”

Jyn waved as she headed towards the stairs, and Cassian couldn’t help but note the lack of a ring on her finger. Not that he was looking.

Without intending to, Cassian began picking up his next-door neighbor’s routine. Their alarm blared every morning at six o’clock sharp – still playing Tarzan music, which Cassian soon could sing along to – and he could hear them shuffling through their morning routines until leaving for school and work about 7:15. As Cassian returned from work about six, Jyn and Sam were frequently returning from a local trail, Sam on his bike and Jyn running alongside him. The boy seemed built of positive energy himself: always grinning, always moving, always chattering away happily to his mom. Some days they exchanged waves, but Cassian couldn’t find a good excuse to speak to them again, especially after he noticed a man coming and going from Jyn’s apartment most evenings.

As it turned out, rather than Cassian, Sam found the next excuse. He’d been in the middle of browning beef for tacos, when he heard a knock on his door. Upon opening it, Cassian found Sam, staring up with him with wide eyes.

“What,” he emphasized the first word, “are you cooking? Because it smells amazing.”

Cassian couldn’t help but laugh at the awed look on the kid’s face. Jyn must not have been joking when she said the microwave was her main form of cooking if Sam was so fascinated by the smell of seasoned beef.

“It’s just beef right now, but it’ll turn into tacos eventually.”

“Mom would say this is really rude, but can I invite us over for dinner?” Sam asked, and Cassian imagined those puppy dog eyes got him an awful lot in his life, including, it seemed, him and his mom an invitation to dinner this evening. With a bit of quick thinking – and an extra serving of tomatoes and onions thrown in – Cassian could easily extend this dinner to feed three people instead of one.

“Well, I’d hate to get you in trouble again, so I’ve got an idea,” Cassian offered the boy. Flashing Sam a smile, Cassian lowered his voice, as if sharing a secret plan with the boy. “You keep running, act like you never stopped by here. I’ll knock and invite you and your mom to dinner. Act surprised when she tells you, and I’ll throw in some dessert for you, too. Comprendes?”

“Comprendo,” Sam affirmed with a grin, shaking Cassian’s outstretched hand. Cassian watched as Sam scampered down the hallway and thundered down the stairs, figuring it was probably best to wait a few minutes before heading to Jyn’s door. Glancing back at his lazily stashed laptop and disorganized stacks of papers cluttering his coffee table, Cassian used the few minutes to clean his apartment slightly, making sure the small kitchen table was empty enough to sit three people. He’d never invited guests over, but he at least remembered the basics of hosting from his mother.

Ten minutes later, Cassian removed the food from the stove – serving burnt food wouldn’t leave a good impression – and knocked on the door to 3F. Jyn answered, hair wet from a post run shower, and cocked her head at him.

“My son didn’t attempt to run you over again, did he? He ran off to play earlier, but I’m not sure where he’s gone…”

Cassian laughed at Jyn’s unconventional greeting. “No, nothing like that at all. I thought, it’s Friday and I’m new in town, so I wanted to invite you and Sam over for dinner.”

Jyn raised an eyebrow. “Because it’s Friday?”

“Well, no,” Cassian searched for an answer that didn’t include your son specifically requested to come over. “Mainly because you said most of your cooking included a microwave, so I thought you’d enjoy something prepared on a stove for once.” He offered a smile, and hoped the excuse would stand.

“Oh.” Jyn looked surprised, but not entirely reluctant. “That’s … nice of you, but, really, you don’t have to…”

“But, really,” Cassian smiled, hoping to charm Jyn the same way her son charmed him. “I insist.”

“Well,” Jyn sighed and shook her head, a small smile turning up her lips. “Sam would probably enjoy it.” Cassian had a strange feeling that he would. “But I could at least grab drinks?”

“Sounds like an excellent compromise. Dinner will be ready in about an hour, but you can come over whenever.”

“Thanks, Cassian.” Jyn flashed him a smile, and Cassian couldn’t help but return it.

In the two hours Jyn and Sam had been at his apartment, Cassian had learned much about them.

First, Sam was a horrible actor. Cassian didn’t see his reaction to Jyn telling him they were going to Cassian’s for dinner, and, truly, he was thankful.

“Did my son put you up to this?” Jyn asked as Cassian opened the door for her and a guilty looking Sam. She crossed her arms over her chest. “And, before you answer, you should know that he’s already confessed.”

“I’ll have to get used to unconventional greetings from you, aren’t I?” Cassian threw out rather than answering Jyn.

“Don’t avoid the question.”

“Whether or not Sam did, there’s food for three ready now, so you may as well come in.” Cassian opened the door wider, ushering them into the apartment. He gestured to the bags in Jyn’s hand.

“And it looks like you got drinks, so it would be a shame to waste all of this.”

Jyn sighed, looking resigned. “Alright, but only under protest.”

And there was the second fact Cassian learned: Jyn was stubborn. Or, perhaps, dedicated, was the better word, since the third fact he discovered was Jyn’s double life: during the day, she worked as a clerk in a local hospital, getting out in time to pick Sam up from school in the mid afternoon, and while at night, she attended nursing school four evenings a week. More impressively, she shrugged off the workload, claiming all of it was necessary for she and Sam to have a good life.

Fact number four explained Jyn and Sam’s frequent use of the local trail.

“All work and no play makes me extremely dull,” Jyn told him, “So I picked up running when Sam was still in a stroller. He started biking along with me a few years ago. I’ve run three half-marathons and I’m thinking of training for a full.”

“Jyn,” Cassian said, exasperated, “Running is not considered fun.”

“Oh, ye of little faith,” Jyn laughed. “Runner’s high is real, and it is addictive. Besides, it’s a stress reliever, and it prevents me from turning into a couch potato. And the exercise keeps this kid,” Jyn poked Sam in the shoulder and he smiled back at her, salsa dripping out of the corners of his mouth, “From playing video games all day.”

“I don’t do that,” Sam complained, turning to Cassian. “I’m starting soccer this year.” Sam beamed at this news, and though Jyn looked down at her plate to try and hide it, Jyn’s lips tilted up in pride, thus confirming Erso fact number five: no matter what kind of gruff exterior Jyn attempted to put up, Jyn loved her son more than anything, and Sam loved her right back. Anything that made Sam happy made Jyn happy.

“I used to play soccer when I was a kid, back in Mexico,” Cassian told Sam.

“Really?” Sam lit up at the news. “Could you teach me some tricks? Mom’s great at running, but she wasn’t very good at passing and shooting my soccer ball when we practiced last week.”

“Hey,” Jyn complained, sticking out her tongue at him. “I was in flip flops and the ball kept getting away from me.”

“Oh, absolutely,” Cassian winked at Jyn, causing her to scowl again. He turned back to Sam. “It’s been a lot of years since I’ve played, but I could try to teach you some things.”

“Score!” Sam shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. “Can we go right now?”

The adults chuckled. “Sam, you just ate three tacos – which were delicious, by the way,” Jyn thanked Cassian, who nodded. “I think you should wait until tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow morning then?” Sam asked Cassian.

“I need to go to work tomorrow morning, papi,” Cassian apologized. “But if you guys are around in the afternoon, I could play with you then.”

“Awesome!”

“If you’re working tomorrow, we should probably go,” Jyn said, pushing back from the table. “You know, Cassian, if you always cook this well, you may accidentally have created regular house guests out of the two of us.”

Cassian smiled. “That doesn’t sound like such a bad thing to me. I’ll work on the menu for next

Friday and let you know what time to come over.”

Jyn, who had been reaching to pick up her plate, hesitated. Cassian felt his smile falter. Had he overstepped his boundaries, pushed too much? He’d enjoyed his evening with Jyn and Sam – he thought they had been enjoying it as well – but perhaps it had been too much…

Sam didn’t seem to think so, since he was happily chattering on about what Cassian should make the next week (Cassian stored away Jyn’s favorite food being pasta as fact number six), but Jyn had seemed to draw back into herself. She’s been so open the whole evening, laughing with Cassian and sharing stories of crazy situations she and Sam had found themselves in, that the shuttered look in her eyes startled Cassian.

“We’ll see next week, okay, Sam?” Jyn told her son, avoiding making eye contact with Cassian.

She busied herself in picking up the dishes from the table, but Cassian stopped her with a gentle hand on her wrist. “Don’t worry about those, Jyn. I’ve got them.”

She nodded. “I guess we’ll head home, then. Thank you again, Cassian.” Her voice was formal, and she reached out to shake Cassian’s hand. He felt as if he were in a business meeting rather than finishing dinner with his neighbors. Sam, too, glanced at his mom with eyebrows raised.

“You’re welcome, Jyn. Consider yourselves welcome anytime.” Cassian smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring way. “Night, Sam.”

“Good night, Cassian!” Sam repeated back as he and Jyn exited the apartment with a small wave.

Cassian couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed when Jyn didn’t meet his eyes.

As Cassian returned to the apartment complex after work the next day, he noticed Jyn and Sam out on the lawn in front of the building. Jyn was stretching, clearly just finished a run, while Sam dribbled a soccer ball around the grass. Cassian’s first reaction was to go say hi, but, thinking of Jyn’s hurried exit the night before, thought better of it and turned towards the stairs.

“Cassian!”

Jyn’s voice startled him, though he was quick – probably too quick – to react. He turned as Jyn jogged towards him, Sam still dribbling around the field.

“Hi,” Jyn said, stopping a few feet in front of him.

“Hi…” Cassian responded, shifting his bag on his shoulder, not sure how to continue. A few moments of awkward silence ticked by.

“Look, about last night—“ Jyn started at the same time Cassian said, “I’m sorry if—“

They both stopped.

“You can go first,” Cassian hurried to say before they got caught speaking over each other again.

“I shouldn’t have left so quickly last night,” Jyn sighed. “You were really nice to invite us over and I shouldn’t have run out of there.”

“Why did you?” Cassian wondered out loud. “Did I do something or...”

“I just don’t do—“ Jyn’s hands waved through the air as she paused. “I don’t do neighbor stuff, really.”

Cassian nodded, sure he knew where this conversation was going. She wanted to apologize for getting close and cut their ties. Waving at each other in neighborly greetings was copasetic; sharing dinner at their apartment, apparently, was not. He prepared himself to nod, to accept her words, no matter how his heart clenched at the thought of not getting to know Jyn and Sam more. He’d gotten so many details of their life the night before, but there was so much more to learn about them. Jyn had to look out for herself and her son, Cassian reminded himself, and he needed to be okay with that.

“The thing is, though,” Jyn continued, oblivious to Cassian’s internal ramblings. “Sam really likes spending time with you, and I had a good time last night, too. So, I was thinking we could do it again sometime.” She threw a smile his way. “We could even do it at my place, so you know I won’t abruptly end the evening.”

Cassian struggled to school his surprised expression. While he’d been waiting for her rejection, she chose to invite him closer. Jyn Erso, Cassian realized, was not nearly as predictable as he had assumed.

“Besides,” Jyn said when Cassian didn’t respond. “You did promise Sam soccer lessons, and that kid doesn’t forget a promise. Ever.”

A smile spread across Cassian’s face. “I’d hate to disappoint him,” he laughed, glancing over Jyn’s shoulder to see the boy in question, who had stopped dribbling to stare at the adults. “Let me go get changed and I’ll be back down to help him.”

“Thank you, Cassian,” Jyn reached out to squeeze his arm as she spoke, and Cassian felt his heart jump at her touch. “I really appreciate it.”

Ten minutes later, Cassian joined Sam out on the field, having exchanged his suit for athletic shorts and a t-shirt. Cassian was rusty at soccer; besides for the random pick-up game here and there in college, Cassian hadn’t played since he was a teenager, and that was more years ago than he wanted to admit. Still, he managed to awe Sam with a few trick plays, faking his move to the left before dribbling past Sam on the right or scissoring his legs to send the ball in the opposite direction than Sam expected.

Feeling confident at these moves, Cassian tried something a bit riskier: running to the ball, mounting one foot atop and spinning in the opposite direction. Unfortunately, this move was not as successful at the others; he fell backwards, landing flat on his back and knocking his head against the hard ground.

Both Sam and Jyn were at his side in an instant. Sam’s face looked panicked, but Jyn bit her lip, seeming half a second away from bursting out in laughter.

“I’m no expert,” Jyn commented, “But I feel like you did that move wrong, Andor.”

“Shut up, Jyn” Cassian muttered, and Jyn’s laughter burst forth.

“Here,” Jyn helped him sit up, “Let me check you out. It’s handy to have a nurse around occasionally.”

She examined his pupils and felt the back of his head, declaring he did not have a concussion.

“Maybe you should sit out for a minute anyway,” Jyn suggested.

“I’m fine,” Cassian insisted. “I’m not as young as I once was.”

Jyn shook her head with a snort. “Yeah, you’re taking a break, Mr. No-Longer-A-Spring-Chicken.”

Sam took the ball back after assuring Cassian he was glad he was okay and Cassian followed

Jyn. They sat in silence for a few minutes, watching Sam, before Jyn spoke.

“You know,” she began, “I feel like Sam and I dominated the conversation last night. I have no idea what you do. Sam was guessing spy, based on the suits you wear, but my money's on business man.”

“Not a spy, unfortunately,” Cassian snorted. “I’m a data analyst at Alliance Corporation.”

Jyn raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re officially in charge of helping Sam with his math homework, then.”

Across the parking lot, a car door slammed. Jyn and Cassian looked up to see a man walking towards them. Jyn waved, and Cassian recognized him as the same man who came and went from Jyn’s apartment on a frequent basis.

“Uncle Bodhi!” Sam called and ran across the field towards the parking lot. Uncle – not a boyfriend then. Though he didn’t quite look like Jyn’s brother, either. The man’s hair and skin were darker than Jyn’s, and he was several inches taller. He wrapped Sam in a bear hug before continuing over to where Jyn and Cassian sat. Jyn stood as he got closer, and Cassian followed suit, wondering if he should leave.

“I believe I found something of yours,” Bodhi joked as he reached them, placing Sam down on his feet.

“I thought he looked familiar,” she teased back before introducing the two men. “Bodhi, this is Cassian, one of my neighbors. Cassian, this is my best friend, Bodhi.”

“Nice to meet you,” Bodhi smiled as he shook Cassian’s hand.

“He watches Sam for me evenings while I’m at class,” Jyn explained.

“And I occasionally bring take out,” Bodhi said, gesturing to the plastic bag in his hand. “Are you joining us?”

“Yeah!” Sam shouted when Cassian hesitated. “Cassian should join us!”

“Can’t disappoint the little squirt,” Bodhi laughed. “And I’ve got enough fried rice in here to feed a small army, so there’s more than enough. Egg rolls, too.”

Cassian glanced at Jyn, who nodded. “Beats the pizza I was going to order,” Cassian shrugged. “Thanks for sharing.”

Because of the nice weather, and Sam’s reluctance to leave his makeshift soccer field, Jyn brought drinks and paper plates down to one of the picnic benches on the grounds so they could eat outside. Sam chattered away to Bodhi while they ate and bragged to Cassian that Bodhi was a lawyer. Bodhi blushed in response.

“Modest as always,” Jyn scoffed. “Our shy, stuttering Bodhi turns into a beast when he needs to. I almost didn’t recognize him the first time I saw him in court.”

Bodhi explained how he joined the legal team for Mon Mothma, a local politician running for a congressional seat, a few months previous.

“Your last job was hell,” Jyn commented. “I’m still glad you got out of there.”

“Yeah,” Sam affirmed, looking at Cassian to explain. “His last boss was an ass.” He threw his hand over his mouth as the swear word slipped out, casting a sheepish glance at his mom.

“He learns that from you, Jyn,” Bodhi deadpanned, not even looking up from his dinner. “I’m not sure you can even be mad.”

“Mad?” Jyn’s voice dripped innocence, though she smirked. “I wouldn’t be mad…”

She jumped up from the bench, reaching towards Sam who giggled and sprinted away. Entertained, Cassian and Bodhi watched the pair chase each other around the yard.

“She’s a knockout, that woman,” Bodhi said after a moment, taking a long sip of his beer, staring off to where Jyn and Sam had picked up his soccer ball. “Feisty, but you’ll never find anyone more dedicated.”

“So you two have known each other a long time?” Cassian asked.

Bodhi nodded. “We grew up together in foster care after her parents died. I’d always wanted a little sister, so I took her under my wing. Or, at least, tried to keep her out of trouble.” He shook his head lightly, a smile pulling at his lips, likely lost in the memories of a younger Jyn and the chaos she would have caused. If only Cassian had those same memories of a teenage Jyn. “I was out of college by the time she had Sam, so they moved in with me until she could get her feet under her.”

Cassian nodded, but didn’t say anything.

“Sam must like you,” Bodhi continued. “Jyn doesn’t normally do the whole ‘neighbors’ thing.”

“Yeah,” Cassian chuckled, “She’s told me that.”

Bodhi paused. “Don’t let her run on you,” “You seem like a good man, Cassian,” he said after a moment. “She and Sam deserve someone like that in their lives.”

Puzzled, Cassian gave Bodhi a sideways glance. “I appreciate the vote of confidence, but you only just met me. What if I was an assassin or something?”

“Then, trust me, you would be nowhere near Jyn’s son.” Bodhi pointed to where Jyn was still playing with Sam. “No one is more protective than Jyn caring for Sam.”

Sam ran back over to the table then, saving Cassian from replying. He didn’t want to consider how in their lives he was yet, didn’t want to think about these budding feelings for Jyn, and he definitely could postpone discussing them with Jyn’s pseudo-brother.

“Mom suggested going upstairs for ice cream,” Sam announced as he reached the table. “We still have your cookie dough, Uncle Bodhi.”

“Count me in,” Bodhi smiled. “You, too, Cassian?”

“I think I’m too full for ice cream. Sorry, chiquito,” Cassian said to a pouting Sam.

“Some other time, then,” Jyn said as she came up behind Sam.  

“After my next soccer lesson?”

“Sure,” Cassian agreed. “After that.”

“I’ll see you around, Cassian,” Jyn said as he stood to head up to his apartment. “And I do mean it this time.”

A frantic knock at the door startled Cassian’s attention away from his TV. Jyn stood on the other side, shifting her weight from foot to foot anxiously, as he opened the door.

“Oh, thank god, you’re home,” Jyn rushed to say, and Cassian smirked at her traditional skip-the-small-talk-and-get-to-the-point greeting. “Do you have plans for the evening?”

Cassian froze for a second – she isn’t asking him out, right? He hadn’t prepared for that at all – before hesitantly answering, “Nothing beyond catching up on Game of Thrones.”

Jyn laughed, a single short sound that seemed more nervous than entertained. “Well, sorry to interrupt those important plans, but I need to go to class, and Bodhi has the flu, and I need someone to watch Sam. Would you mind? It’s just for a few hours and he’s really not a hassle at all and I would pay you –“

“Jyn,” Cassian cut off her rambling by placing his hands on her shoulders. “I can watch Sam for a few hours, no problem.”

Jyn let out a large exhale. “Thank you. I’ve got an exam in a week and I don’t understand the endocrine system at all, so I desperately need to go to class.”

“Watching Sam for an evening sounds much better than whatever that is.” Jyn laughed at his words – much more genuine this time – and Cassian was glad to see the marks of stress fade from her face. “Do you want to send Sam over here or me to come watch him there?”

“He’s halfway through a homework assignment, so if you wouldn’t mind coming to my place…”

Cassian assured Jyn he would be over in a few minutes. He grabbed his laptop and a book off the shelf before heading to Jyn’s apartment. Sam opened the door with eager eyes and waved him inside.

“Can we practice soccer now?” Sam demanded as soon as Cassian walked into the apartment. “I’ve been practicing my fake shot, but I’m still not very good at the spin moves you showed me.”

Cassian’s answer was cut off by the sound of Jyn clearing her throat across the room. “Soccer can wait until after you finish your homework, David Beckham.” She gave Cassian a significant glance. “I’m sure Cassian agrees.”

“I’d listen to your mother, mijito.”

“Glad to see we’re all in agreement,” Jyn chuckled before leaning down to kiss Sam on the cheek. “Be good for Cassian, baby. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Mom, gross!” Sam complained, moving to wipe the kiss off his cheek. Jyn shook her head slightly, running her hands over Sam’s head in such a way that Cassian feels like this is their practiced routine. She called one last goodbye over her shoulder as she left, and Sam turned back to Cassian. “You are gunna practice with me, right?”

“And here I thought you liked me coming over occasionally,” Cassian sighed. “That isn’t going to happen if your mom finds out we were playing soccer when you needed to be doing homework.”

Sam’s shoulders drooped as he shuffled back over to his homework. “I guess so…”

Cassian snorted at the thinly veiled attempt to get out of his homework. “None of that cute stuff works on me, mister.”

Sam slumped his way into his seat, sighing quietly as he picked up his pencil. Cassian set up his laptop next to him, hoping that if Sam saw him getting work done, he wouldn’t complain as much about his homework.

The room was quiet for a few minutes before Sam piped up. “Do you like my mom?”

Cassian glanced at Sam, who was still focusing on his homework. “Yeah, Sam, I like both you and your mom. You’re great neighbors.”

“No,” Sam shook his head and met Cassian’s gaze. His cheeks were slightly pink as he clarified, “Do you like my mom? You know, like, want to take her out on dates and everything.”

A protective look shone through the kid’s eyes, the same look Jyn got when she spoke of her son. Seeing that protectiveness and love reflected both ways in their relationship touched Cassian, but it worried him as well. If he was being honest, the answer to Sam’s question was yes, I’d love to take your mother out on a date, but it was so much more complicated than that. Jyn had made it clear that Sam was her priority in life – Cassian could never hold that against her – and Cassian enjoyed spending time with the family as well. Asking Jyn out and attempting a relationship risked losing the friendships he had built in his next-door neighbors. Dating Jyn could mean even more spontaneous cooking nights, or accompanying her to Sam’s soccer matches or cheering her on at her next marathon – but it could also mean losing all of that, if they didn’t work out. Cassian just didn’t know how to explain that to a ten-year old.

“I wouldn’t mind taking your mom on a date,” Cassian began, and Sam’s eyes lit up. “But she’s so busy, I’m not sure it’s such a good idea.”

Sam’s eyes hardened, and, again, Cassian saw so much of Jyn in him. “I don’t think that’s a good reason.”

“Oh yeah?” Cassian leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head, eager to hear Sam’s views on relationships. “What would be a good reason, then?”

“I don’t think there is one.” Sam’s pencil moved over his math homework absently, drawing abstract shapes as he talked. “I think if you want to take my mom on a date, you should take her on a date.”

“Ah, but you’re forgetting the most important part. Your mom would need to agree to that date.”

“She would,” Sam said with utmost assurance. “I heard Uncle Bodhi teasing her about it the other day in the kitchen, but she used the same excuse you did. She’s too busy to go on a date.”

Cassian’s heart leapt in his chest – Jyn did want to go out with him? Sam, unaffected by the bombshell of news he’d dropped on Cassian, chewed on the end of his pencil, considering.

“Which seems stupid, because dates only take a couple hours at most.”

Cassian chuckled at the boy’s wisdom about relationships. “I didn’t know you’d been on a lot of dates.”

Sam shrugged. “Uncle Bodhi told me. But you can’t distract me."

Of course Cassian couldn’t. Sam was Jyn’s son, after all. With a sigh, Cassian leaned towards Sam. “A date only take a few hours, sure, but relationships take a lot of time and work. There’s more to it than two people liking each other.”

Sam cocked an eyebrow at Cassian. “Adults are stupid.”

“Yeah, they are, mijo,” Cassian agreed. “Enjoy your childhood while it lasts.”

“Enjoy it, as in, I should go play soccer rather than finishing my math homework?”

Cassian wasn’t sure if he was impressed or annoyed by Sam’s one-track mind. He did mentally put Sam on track to become a lawyer someday.

After much more complaining, Sam finished his math homework and wasted no time on grabbing his soccer ball. Sam insisted he put on shin guards and proper cleats – Cassian barely stopped him from dressing in his full uniform – even though Cassian still wore khaki shorts and Converse, and ran down to the grassy field in front of the apartment building. It had been years since Cassian played any form of organized soccer, but he remembered the drills. Basic dribbling, passing, shooting between two trees working as a makeshift goal. Occasionally, Sam still tripped over the ball and passed five feet wide of Cassian, but he was determined to improve. He stared in awe as Cassian juggled the ball from his foot to his thigh and up to his head, and Cassian laughed as his first attempt sent the ball flying into a tree.

Jyn found them chasing each other around the field, Cassian with the ball and Sam hot in pursuit, an hour later, covered in the blue glow of the street lights. Cassian wasn’t sure how long she’d been standing there – leaning against the building, watching them with a quiet smile on her face – by the time he caught sight of her. She was dressed for comfort, not to impress – dark hair escaping from a messy bun and wearing yoga pants and a track jacket – but the sight of her distracted Cassian long enough for Sam to steal the ball away from him and shoot for the goal. Cassian still stood, stuck in Jyn’s smile and warm gaze, when Sam finally noticed his mom.

“Mom! Did you see my goal?” He shouted as he ran to Jyn. Cassian couldn’t hear her response, but his heart melted at the sight of Jyn’s loving gaze on her son as she ran her fingers through his sweaty hair and took the soccer ball from him. Cassian jogged over to the pair, glad to see Jyn smiling at him.

“I trust this means the math homework was completed?” She asked, her tone threatening, but in such a way that both Sam and Cassian knew she was teasing.

“Yes, ma’am,” Cassian grinned. “Though, if you want my opinion, soccer only belongs after homework in the dictionary.”

“Yeah!” Same declared, giving Cassian a high five. “I think that too!”

Jyn laughed at the boys. “Unfortunately for you two, it’s my vote that counts the most, and I say soccer comes after homework.”

“Rats,” Sam muttered, and the adults laughed. Jyn’s eyes shone when she laughed, Cassian noticed, and the artificial lights around them highlighted the golden flecks among the green background. Cassian thought he could get lost in those eyes – until Sam coughed loudly and he realized that he was.

“I’m going to head upstairs and take a shower,” Sam continued to speak in an unnecessarily loud voice. “You two can stay and talk.” As if this wasn’t pointed enough, Sam stopped to fake-whisper to Cassian, “You remember what we talked about.”

Jyn watched her son scamper up the stairs to the third floor before turning back to Cassian with her eyebrows raised. “Do I want to know what he meant?”

Cassian rubbed at the back of his neck and prayed Jyn would attribute the red in his cheeks to exertion rather than embarrassment. “I, uh, I really don’t know.”

“I’ve never seen you so flustered,” Jyn snorted. “Now I actually want to know what you two talked about.”

“He, uh, well…” Cassian stammered, cursing the sudden nerves coming over him. “He wanted to know if I wanted to take you out on a date.”

“Oh,” Jyn looked far too composed. Cassian wished she would at least blush, for his sake if not for hers. “Do you?”

Cassian stared at her. “Do I what?”

“Want to take me out on a date?”

Cassian was stammering again. “I… I wasn’t sure you’d want to.”

“You could have just asked, you know,” Jyn said with an eyeroll. How could she be so calm about one of the most mortifying conversations of Cassian’s life?

“If you insist.” Cassian summed all his courage and tried very hard not to choke on his next words.

“Jyn, do you want to go out to dinner on Friday? Maybe about seven?”

Jyn smiled up at him – did she know what she did to him with that smile? – and nodded. “Bodhi should be free to watch Sam, so it’s a date.”

With that, she walked away, passing the ball between her hands. She had made it to the third floor before Cassian realized, since his apartment was right next door, he should have been following her.

“I’m supposed to do that,” Cassian complained as Jyn opened her car door.

She snorted in response. “Cassian, if you haven’t learned how little I care about convention over the past three dates, I don’t think you’ve been paying attention.”

“Can’t have you thinking that,” Cassian chuckled, climbing out the car to meet her. “Because I’ve definitely been paying attention.”

“Hmm,” Jyn hummed, reaching her hands up to Cassian’s shoulders. “Tell me, what have you learned?”

“I’ve learned that the couple that owns the Chinese restaurant we’ve been to give us free desserts because we’re ‘cute,’” Cassian said and Jyn laughed at the memory of the burly waiter who had brought them their dessert, repeating his husband’s phrase in a monotone voice. They had wondered for a moment how the waiter's husband, who had never left the kitchen, knew enough to call them 'cute', but dessert quickly won out over curiosity. “Also, for such a small person, you can eat a lot of food.”

Jyn smacked his arm lightly in response to that. “Damn right I can, and don’t you forget it.”

“Also,” Cassian whispered into Jyn’s ear, “I’ve learned you’re very sensitive right… here.” He nipped at the skin just below her ear, enjoying the way Jyn sighed in response and tilted her head to give him more room. He kissed his way to her jawline and then teased her lips with his.

“Cassian?”

“Yes, mi corazón?”

“We’re in the middle of a parking lot. Our apartment’s parking lot. Our neighbors can see us.”

Cassian took a step back from Jyn but kept her hand locked in his. “We should probably head upstairs.”

“Let’s not,” Jyn said, and pulled on Cassian’s hand. Rather than heading towards the stairs, Jyn walked towards the grass, lying down where Cassian had asked her out for the first time. “If we go upstairs, I go back to being a mother again. I’d like to be your date a few minutes longer.”

“Sounds fine to me,” Cassian murmured against her hair. They laid in the grass for several minutes, content to watch the night sky and be in each other’s company.

“I hate not being able to see the stars,” Jyn whispered after a few minutes. “I always wanted to teach Sam the constellations.”

“I didn’t know you knew them.”

Jyn smile turned wistful. “My father taught them to me when I was young. He was an astronomer.  My family would go on long weekend camping trips, and my father and I would stay up late, mapping out the stars.” She sighed. “He and my mother died in a car accident when I was eight, but I can still find Cassiopeia and Canis Major in my sleep.”

Jyn began pointing to the sky, mapping out where the constellations were hidden behind clouds and pollution and city light. Cassian had never lived anywhere but a city, couldn’t picture the night sky littered with the stars the way Jyn saw it with her father, but he loved the quiet reverence Jyn used to teach him. She grew quiet after a few minutes, and Cassian nuzzled his nose into her temple.

“Why didn’t you go into astronomy like your father?” He asked. “You know so much about it.”

“Saw – my foster father – he…  Well, he was much more practical than my parents were,” Jyn explained. “My parents were dreamers, loved the stars and history and what ifs, but Saw cared about the here and now, what you were doing to help the world. He taught me how to help people. That’s what I want to do as a nurse.”

“You never talk about your foster family,” Cassian said, hoping he wasn’t prying into a subject that would make Jyn clam up. She’s been so open with him on their dates, he’d almost forgotten how skittish she’d gotten after their first dinner at his apartment.

“Saw didn’t approve of Sam,” Jyn rolled her eyes, though her tone was sharp enough to cut. Her shoulders were tense; a decade later and this betrayal still stung. Cassian threaded his fingers through hers and was grateful when she didn’t pull away. “Didn’t approve me of ‘throwing away my life’ when I could have gotten rid of him. We had a huge argument over it… I haven’t spoken to Saw since.”

Cassian stayed quiet in response to her story. Jyn was tough, but she was only seventeen when she was pregnant with Sam. No matter how independent and strong she was, she would have been scared by the prospect of having a child. Anger surged through Cassian at the thought of Saw – the man who had been entrusted with Jyn’s life and well-being – turning his back on her at such a vulnerable time in her life, followed by thankfulness for Bodhi Rook, who took Saw’s place in being there for her and protecting her and Sam.

“I wasn’t a bad teenage, you know,” Jyn insisted. “A little rebellious, maybe, staying out past my curfew and not taking Saw’s words as law, but I wasn’t a nightmare.” She gave a sort of derisive snort. “Even if I did end up pregnant.”

“Who is Sam’s father?” Until now, Cassian had been hesitant to ask such a sensitive question, but it had been nagging at the back of his mind for weeks. Was Sam’s dad still around? Would he bound into their lives one day, completely unexpected, stealing Sam away for a few hours, and then dumping him back on Jyn? Or did Sam not know him at all?

“No one important. Bodhi normally refers to him as my sperm donor, rather than Sam’s father.” Her laugh was truly amused this time, and Cassian felt some of his worries drift away with the sound. She leaned up on her elbows, eyes on the starry sky as she continued. “Luckily, Bodhi was smart, and already halfway to a law degree, so he knew what papers to get him to sign to give up all custody of Sam. He’s never met Sam.”

“That’s his loss,” Cassian said. “He’s missing out on a great kid.”

“Yeah, but Sam isn’t missing out on anything, and that’s what I’m more worried about,” Jyn replied. “Though sometimes I know I’m not enough. He loves me, but it’s hard being both halves of the equation, you know? Bodhi does a great job, filling in on a lot of ‘dad’ things, but sometimes I worry…”

As Jyn’s voice trailed off, ideas of filling that slot in Sam’s life floated through Cassian’s mind. Cheering for him at soccer games, teach him how to shave or how to drive in a few years, giving him advice on how to ask out a girl… Filling that role seemed like a dream to him, a life he’d long to be a part of, but he and Jyn had only just taken the next step in their relationship. Bringing that up now seemed far too risky.

“I’m sorry,” Jyn piped up. “It’s probably too early to be laying this on you.”

Cassian chuckled at how their thoughts had gone in the same direction. “I understand,” he assured her. “Dating with a kid – it’s different. He’s your top priority, Jyn, and I respect that.”

Jyn looked up at him, smiling, and reached for his hand. She brought their intertwined fingers to her lips, whispering, “Thank you for understanding, Cassian.”

Cassian moved to kiss her; if he didn’t, he feared all his thoughts, the ones too deep and too intimate to say this soon, would come rushing out of his mouth. Just as Jyn’s lips began to move under his and her hand reached up to stroke his hair, Cassian was reminded of another inevitability of dating a single mother – a shout of “Mom, are you home?” came from several floors above. They broke apart, Jyn grinning apologetically and Cassian biting his lip to keep from laughing.

“I should go check on him,” Jyn said, “and then speak to Bodhi about his abilities to keep Sam occupied.”

Cassian wound his way into Jyn and Sam’s routine. The Ersos made a habit of waiting on the lawn for Cassian to return from work; Jyn would greet him with a kiss and Sam with a hug and excited jabber about his school day. Rather than requiring Bodhi to come over and watch Sam while Jyn was in class, Cassian took over watching him. If Jyn needed quiet space to study, Cassian would pull Sam over to his apartment, or take him down the street to grab ice cream. Cooking dinner for three became his regular on weeknights. On Friday nights, Jyn’s night off from school, Cassian would treat the family to the movies or dinner or sometimes just an evening at the park.

Cassian was so content to slip into their lives he hadn’t stopped to consider any impending argument, any looming form of unhappiness in their relationship.

The warning signs had been there, even if his head was too far in a blissful cloud of happiness to notice. Jyn would hesitate when Cassian picked up the bill at the end of dinner and offer to cover it herself. Cassian assured her he never minded, and would brush away the sight of Jyn biting her lip and glancing away. Or, sometimes Sam would turn to Cassian rather than Jyn for help with a homework problem or for a ride to soccer practice, and Jyn would turn silent for a few minutes, seeming to shrink into herself.

Their argument started innocently enough. Jyn and Cassian were relaxing on the couch post dinner while Sam brushed his teeth when Jyn mentioned an upcoming exam she was stressing over.

“I could take Sam for the weekend,” Cassian offered. “He could stay at my place while you spend a few days focusing.”

Jyn’s shoulders stiffened in response. “You don’t need to watch Sam. I’m fine.” Her voice was lower than normal as she spoke, which Cassian would later berate himself for not noticing.

He continued on, insisting, “But if it made things easier for you, I wouldn’t mind having him stay over a few nights—“

“I don’t need you to do this for me, Cassian,” Jyn seethed, and now Cassian noticed the shift in her tone. She moved away from him on the couch, turning so he could see her fiery eyes. “I took care of Sam for plenty of years before you came along and I can still do it now.”

“I know that,” Cassian assured her. He reached a hand towards her arm, but she jerked it away. “I just want what’s best for you, Jyn.”

Her body stiffened and Cassian could hear the breath hitch in her throat. When she looked up at him, her eyes flashed defensively. “I think I know what’s best for me, thank you very much,” Jyn said through clenched teeth. Cassian reached out for her but she yanked away, standing from the couch. “I don’t need you or anyone else telling me that.”

Jyn’s arms tightened around her chest, cutting herself off from Cassian and their conversation. Her chin jutted upward, defiant, but her hands shook as well, though she tried to disguise it by balling them into fists.

“Maybe you should leave.”

Cassian shook his head, confused by this drastic change in her attitude? “Jyn, I was only trying to help.” He didn’t want to get angry with her, but none of this was rational; they were adults, they could sit down and talk about their problems like adults. “I’m not leaving if you’re still angry.”

“Trust me,” Jyn laughed, but instead of humor the sound was loaded with malice. “I don’t think you want to talk about it when I’m angry.”

Again, Cassian shook his head. “Jyn…”

“Before Sam comes back,” Jyn said, not quite pleading, but distinctly urgent. “I don’t want him to see us arguing.”

She had to know Sam would always be the trump card. “Okay, okay.” Cassian held up his hands in surrender. He’d never seen her angry before, not like this, but maybe she was right. Nothing productive would come out of them talking if it only turned into a screaming match. “But, when you want to talk … I’ll be right next door.”

Jyn didn’t come to talk that night. As Cassian settled in to sleep, he assured himself that was alright; allowing themselves time to cool off would prevent a bitter argument. That was fine. He could wait. As was tradition, he woke to the sound of Jyn’s alarm clock next door, though the other sounds that normally accompanied the Erso’s morning routine – Sam’s laughter or the Jyn muttering to herself as she gathered her things – seemed more subdued than normal. Cassian considered opening his door to say good morning was they walked past, but held himself back. Jyn was angry, so she needed to make the next move.

The next move didn’t come that evening – the Ersos weren’t out on the lawn after a run like normal when he returned to work – or the next morning. The next he heard from Jyn was two days after their fight.

Her knock on his door was much more quiet and timid than usual. When he opened the door, his first thought was relief, until he took note of her body language. Her arms were crossed, her eyes cold and looking several inches to the left of Cassian’s face, and she stood a foot back from the doorway, keeping distance between her and Cassian.

“You left this at my apartment,” she said, without emotion, holding out a sweatshirt for Cassian to take.

“Jyn,” Cassian pleaded, “Aren’t we going to talk about this?”

“I don’t have anything to say to you,” Jyn said, pulling her arms tight against her chest. “Please just take the sweatshirt.”

Cassian did. “I wish you wouldn’t do this,” he muttered before she turned away. “Jyn you can’t just walk away from this.”

She paused in her movements and her eyes flickered to his. For a moment, Cassian thought she was going to speak, but she pursed her lips together, heading back to her apartment without another word.

Cassian listened to her door click shut and banged his head back against his door frame. What was he going to do?

Over the next few days, he waited. He tried to focus on work, on the other friends he had made around the office to give Jyn the time she needed, but his heart ached listening to the pair next door or seeing Sam chase his soccer ball around in the field. Their coming and going from the apartment never seemed to overlap, so Cassian hadn’t seen Jyn since she dropped off his sweatshirt on Tuesday evening. By Friday, Cassian was ready to burst, not with anger, but with the sheer uncertainty of whatever was going on between him and Jyn. He’d made a mistake and they’d had an argument; that didn’t need to be the end of it all.

He knew Jyn and Sam would be enjoying their Friday night, maybe with a pizza and some movies, reveling in the idea of no school or work the next day. Taking a chance and risking Jyn’s ire, Cassian walked to her door and knocked.

Jyn answered, already dressed in plaid pajama bottoms and an old t-shirt. Cassian opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off by holding up a single finger. Turning back to the apartment,

“Sam, I’m stepping outside for a minute, but I’ll be back, okay?"

Cassian could hear Sam’s affirmative from inside before Jyn stepped into the hallway and closed the door.

“I thought I told you I don’t have anything to say,” Jyn said as she turned to Cassian.

“And I don’t understand,” Cassian said, fighting to keep his voice level. “Jyn, we had an argument. Just … let’s work this out.”

“Why?” She snapped.

“Because we have something, Jyn, and I don’t want to throw that away because of a stupid argument.”

Jyn didn’t respond, just glared, her lips pressed tightly together.

“Jyn, don’t do this, please,” Cassian pleaded, reaching out to grab her arm. She didn’t resist or pull away, which Cassian took as a good sign. “Please, just talk to me.”

“’I just want what’s best for you,’” Jyn said after a moment. “That’s what Saw said all those years ago, when I was pregnant with Sam.” She seemed to grow taller as she said the words, once the weight of them was removed from her shoulders.

Cassian exhaled slowly, closing his eyes as he did so. He’d quoted Saw. The man who’d taken her in for years, only to turn on her when she needed him most. No wonder she’d been running from him all week; he would have been too.

“Jyn, I’m sorry,” Cassian said. “But I didn’t know that. I had no way to know that.”

“It just—it just reminded me,” Jyn said, “of how many people leave. Even if they say they care.”

“I care, Jyn,” Cassian assured her, “and I’ll prove it, no matter how long it takes.”

Jyn’s fingers uncurled from their fists and her shoulders sagged. Turning away from Cassian, she exhaled deeply before bringing her hand to cover her face. Not until her shoulders shuddered and her breath hitched did Cassian understand – Jyn was crying.

“Jyn,” Cassian said, much softer this time. “Jyn, come here.”

He pulled her into his arms, one hand going to cup the back of her head and the other rubbing circles on her back. He stayed silent, pressing a kiss to her hairline as her body continue to shake.

“I don’t do this,” she insisted, her voice broken.

“You don’t have to be strong all the time, Jyn,” Cassian murmured. “You’re okay.”

After a few minutes, Jyn’s breathing evened out and she stepped back from Cassian’s embrace.

Her dark eyeliner was smudged but Cassian saw, not her usual fire, but a spark in her bright eyes. She eyed Cassian for a moment, one half of her lips curling upwards.

“I’m not used to people sticking around when things get bad,” she told him. “For me or Sam or anyone.”

Cassian took another step towards her, a smile playing at his lips as well. “You need to meet different people.”

Jyn leaned forward, then, to press her lips to his. She met his eyes as she pulled back, resting her hand on his cheek.

“I need to…” Jyn closed for her eyes for a moment, gathering her thoughts. “I need to tuck Sam in and make sure he’s brushed his teeth…”

“I can do that,” Cassian offered, rubbing his hands over her upper arms. Tearstains still marked her face and her eyes drooped with exhaustion. “Get some sleep, Jyn. I’ll make sure Sam’s okay.”

She nodded and turned for her door. Cassian followed, a few steps behind, pausing before the threshold.

“Cassian, I—Thank you,” Jyn said.

“You’re welcome, Jyn.”

The living room was empty as they entered, so Cassian nodded Jyn in the direction of her bedroom, assuring her he would check in on Sam before leaving. Cassian didn’t need to go searching for the boy, because as soon as Jyn’s door closed, Sam’s bedroom door squeaked open.

“Cassian?” Sam, already dressed in his pajamas, called as he poked his head out of his room.

“Yeah, compadre?”

“Is Mama alright?” he asked, shuffling into the room.

“Yeah,” Cassian sighed. “She’s alright, just a little stressed.”

“Did you two have a fight?”

“We did.” Cassian sat down on the couch and waved Sam over. Without hesitation, Sam snuggled into his side, and Cassian wrapped an arm around him. “But we talked about it, and everything is going to be okay.”

“I don’t like it when Mama is sad,” Sam said into Cassian’s chest, muffling his voice.

“Me neither.” Cassian stayed quiet for a moment, thinking over their argument. In a lot of ways Cassian wasn’t sure how best to keep Jyn happy. Scars from her past – from loss and betrayal and the expectation that everyone would leave her – would define their relationship. More than that, it defined her. Nothing was forcing Cassian to stay, if that overwhelmed him, but when he thought about how those struggles had made Jyn who she was – someone who fought for herself, someone who loved wholly and deeply, someone who never ceased to surprise him – Cassian knew he had made up his mind. He didn’t know everything about Jyn Erso, but he wanted to know everything about her – how she took her coffee in the mornings, her favorite childhood vacation and the places she still wanted to visit: the little things that made her her.

If loving those scars, especially when Jyn couldn’t love them herself, became part of their relationship, then Cassian would accept that.

“Sam,” Cassian started, waiting until Sam lifted his sleepy head up from his shoulder to continue. “I’m gonna do everything I can to help keep your mom happy, but I’ll need your help with that. You up for the job?”

“Does it mean you’ll keep coming over?”

“Definitely.” Sam beamed and Cassian ruffled his hair.

“Good. Now, let’s get you into bed.”

Sam brushed his teeth and settled in with few complaints. Before heading back to his apartment for the night, Cassian scrolled through Jyn’s kitchen drawers, rolling his eyes when he found most of them empty or littered with useless knick-knacks, until he found a notepad. Tearing a page off, he scribbled a note and left it outside Jyn’s bedroom door for her to find in the morning.

“Welcome Home, Jyn.”

“I’m clocking out a bit early tonight,” Cassian informed his manager. Davits Draven was known for being a hard ass to his employees, but Cassian had learned quickly that being assertive earned more favors with the man than being submissive. Hence why Cassian merely told him he was leaving early; asking for permission would be denied without a doubt.

Draven looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Do you have another date tonight?” When Cassian nodded, he prodded further. “Same woman?”

“Why is it so hard to believe that I’m going out with the same woman?” Cassian groaned. “Yes, it’s the same woman I’ve been going out with for three months.”

Draven threw his hands in the air. “Just double checking.” He paused, a speculative look on his face. “Has it really been three months?”

Three months, one week and two days, Cassian thought, but he only nodded as he finished shutting down his laptop.

“Trust me, Davits, you would remember Jyn Erso if you sat next to him all day,” Kay Tuesso, another data specialist, quipped. “She’s his favorite topic of conversation.”

Cassian forced himself to keep a neutral expression at Kay’s cold dismissal and Draven’s raised eyebrows. He spent most of his time outside of work with Jyn and Sam; naturally they were Cassian’s main topic of conversation.

“Sounds like it’s pretty serious,” Draven said, before snorting out a laugh. “Maybe we’ll have more than one company wedding this summer.”

Kay laughed along with the manager – the little kiss ass – but Cassian focused on finishing packing his laptop bag and throwing it over his shoulder. He hadn’t even gotten the nerve to ask Jyn to be his date to Leia and Han’s wedding in a few months; asking her to marry him seemed like a whole different ball game, one that Cassian couldn’t even fathom. Thankfully, Draven wandered back to his office, leaving Cassian and Kay alone.

“Even if you aren’t going to marry her,” Kay stated, “I would still like to meet her.”

Cassian raised an eyebrow at him. “Why?”

Kay huffed, sounding vaguely offended. “You may have only been working here six months, Cassian, but I do consider us good friends.” This much was true; of all the people in the office – of all the people in Jedha besides of Jyn and Sam – Cassian spent the most amount of time with Kay, and they had been become close since Cassian started work here. “And I do believe meeting and evaluating girlfriends is a traditional job of good friends.”

Cassian laughed at that. “I’d be afraid of you rating our compatibility on a scale of one to ten, or evaluating the percent likelihood of our relationship’s demise.”

“I can be civil occasionally,” Kay retorted, his chin in the air.

“Just overly analytical,” Cassian said. “You’ll meet her eventually, Kay, but I do have to go.”

Kay waved him off, returning to his computer. Cassian checked the time on his phone. Good; he still had an hour until he needed to meet Jyn and Sam. Tonight, Cassian admitted, wasn’t much of a traditional date – no candlelight dinners or flowers to give to Jyn – but it was Sam’s first soccer game of the season, and, in many ways, Cassian considered that more important. Making a good impression on his new team was a top priority for Sam, and, therefore, tonight going well was essential to Jyn and Cassian.

By the time Cassian pulled into his assigned parking spot at the apartment complex, Sam was already dressed in his bright orange uniform and sitting on the curb waiting for him. Afraid he had misread the time, Cassian check his phone again. No, his commute hadn’t taken longer than expected; Sam was just ready forty-five minutes early.

“Mijo, what are you doing?” Cassian called as he exited the car. “We’ve still got awhile until we need to leave.”

Sam shrugged, but didn’t move to meet Cassian like he normally would. “I just didn’t want to be late.”

Cassian gave the boy a quick once over, noting his slumped shoulders and jiggling feet. Pre-game nerves must have gotten to him. Cassian sat down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Are you nervous?”

“Of course not,” Sam scoffed, and Cassian bit back a laugh.

“It’s okay if you are, you know,” Cassian reassured him. “Nerves help you focus.”

“They make me jittery,” Sam groaned, and held up a trembling hand. “See? I’m shaking!”

“Don’t focus on that,” Cassian said. “Focus on all the things we’ve practiced, and all those moves you’ve mastered.”

Sam started to speak, but hesitated for a moment. Cassian nudged his shoulder, and the boy relented. “You or Mom wouldn’t be nervous,” he grumbled, eyes focused on his shoes.

Cassian gave him an incredulous look. “You think I never get nervous before meeting an important client, or that your mom doesn’t get nervous before a big test? Everyone gets nervous, bud. That’s part of life.” Cassian leaned closer to whisper in Sam’s ear. “I even get nervous before I pick your mom for a date.”

“Mom does, too,” Sam whispered back.

“You two whispering makes me worried I’ll come home to find my apartment covered in silly string, or something,” Jyn called from behind them. Cassian grinned back at her, wondering how she magically appeared as the conversation turned to her. Sam, seeming much more confident now, ran up the stairs to give Jyn a hug. “And the ‘have I ever mentioned how much I love you, Mom?’ attitude you’re pulling here isn’t helping.”

“Now, Jyn, would we do something like that to you?” Cassian teased.

“Yeah, Mom, would we?” Sam echoed in the same tone.

Jyn just shook her head, eyes alight with amusement. “You’re lucky you two are so cute.”

Cassian stood and wrapped an arm around Jyn’s waist, kissing her forehead gently. Sam made a noise of disgust, causing Cassian to chuckle and Jyn to roll her eyes.

“Perhaps you should be warming up,” Jyn reminded Sam.

“Mom, I’ll do that with my team!”

Cassian excused himself to go change for the game – “You mean it isn’t normal to attend soccer games in suits?” Jyn teased as he left – and Jyn ran Sam through basic warm up drills. He returned a few minutes later, his suit traded in for jeans and an orange t-shirt to match Sam’s jersey, and slipped his arm around Jyn again.

“Hi,” Jyn smiled, leaning up to kiss him. “I think I sufficiently distracted my son so I could properly say hello.”

“I appreciate that,” Cassian said, capturing Jyn’s lips again.

She pulled away after a moment, raising one eyebrow. “But you only get to keep doing that if you tell me what you and Sam were whispering about.”

Cassian laughed and pulled Jyn in front of him, her back to his chest and his arms around her waist. “We were talking about getting nervous,” Cassian explained. He leaned down and whispered the next part in her ear. “Sam was telling me that sometimes you get nervous before our dates.”

“He must not know what he’s saying,” Jyn replied, defiant. “I’ve never felt nervous in my life.”

“Hmm, I might believe Sam on this one,” Cassian teased, nuzzling the hair behind Jyn’s ear. Jyn reached back to slap Cassian’s arm teasingly.

Jyn sighed and focused her attention back on Sam. “I’m nervous for him,” Jyn admitted, all teasing gone from her voice. “What if the other kids are mean to him, or he trips and falls and breaks his leg?” Her eyes go wide at the idea. “God, that sounds like something I would have done at that age. I broke so many bones as a kid—what if he inherited that?”

“Jyn,” Cassian cut her off, turning her so she faced him, his hands on her shoulders. “Sam will be fine. He’s going to play a game of soccer in a children’s rec league, not staging a revolution.”

“I know, but–“

“Even if he were to get hurt – which he’s won’t,” Cassian clarified at Jyn’s panicked look, “You’re a nurse.”

“Nurse in training,” Jyn corrected, which Cassian ignored.

“You’ll be able to take care of him.” Cassian examined her worried eyes, longing for Jyn to see herself in the same way that he – and Sam, and Bodhi, and most people in her life – saw her. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and she relaxed against him. “I know you will.”

“Thank you, Cassian,” Jyn whispered in the most vulnerable voice Cassian had ever heard her use. He pulled back, loving the way her eyes had gone soft and he longed to whisper something – not I love you, not yet, but something to describe the warm glow of happiness in his chest when she looked like that – to her. He brought his hand up to brush her cheek, pushing her hair behind her ears, and opened his mouth –

“Mom! It’s 5:30! That’s what time you said we should leave!”

The adults startled backwards. Cassian’s hand moved from Jyn’s hair to his own, rubbing awkwardly at the nape of his neck. Jyn bit to her lip to suppress a smile as she turned to her son.

“Yeah, baby, grab your bag and let’s go. Cassian and I will be right there.”

The match went well; the league didn’t kept score (though Jyn certainly did) so neither team officially won (Jyn assured him that Sam’s team won 5-3), but with the way Sam was smiling on the drive home, he may have won the World Cup.

“And then their goalie dove for the ball, but it soared feet over his head, so I scored!” Sam recapped the game for them. Cassian, who was driving with one hand on the wheel and one hand holding Jyn’s, snickered, sharing a quick look with Jyn. He remembered the goal Sam was describing, though he remembered it slightly less dramatically.

“I think,” Jyn declared as they pulled into Cassian’s parking place, “That this victory deserves some ice cream. What do you think, Sam?”

“In a waffle cone?” Sam asked.

“Sure.” Jyn tossed him the keys to her apartment. “You run ahead and get through the shower while Cassian and I grab your bag. We’ll get the ice cream out when you’re done.”

Sam nodded and sprinted up the steps. Cassian grabbed Sam’s bag and Jyn his cleats before following. “I assume I’m invited to this ice cream extravaganza?” Cassian asked as they reached the third floor.

“With how hard you were cheering at that game? You definitely deserve it. Besides,” Jyn winked with her next words. “I need you to see that I can cook – even if it’s only dessert.”

Cassian had to admit, the Ersos knew how to create a beautiful dessert bar. Jyn and Sam worked as a great team, creating an assembly line of ice cream flavors and M&Ms and chocolate chips and sprinkles and whipped cream – any topping an ice cream lover could desire. Jyn’s bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream was piled high with crushed Oreos, rainbow sprinkles and whipped cream by the time she was done. Before Cassian had the chance to comment, she sent a defensive look his way.

“I run marathons for fun.” She jabbed a finger at his chest. “I can eat this.”

Cassian threw his hands up, laughing. “I was admiring, not judging.”

“Sure,” Jyn snorted, rolling her eyes.

They gathered on the couch, Jyn pulled tightly to Cassian’s side while Sam bounded around the room, sitting beside his mom one moment before hopping in front of them to demonstrate a play from today’s game the next. Once, he fell back dramatically over both Jyn and Cassian’s laps, giggling as the adults rushed to save their ice cream from falling on the floor.

“Alright, Mister Sam, I believe it’s time for bed,” Jyn said about 9:30.

“But, Mom…”

“No buts, Mister. I already let you stay up later than normal to celebrate and it’s a school night.”

Sam looked ready to continue protesting, so Cassian handed Jyn his empty ice cream bowl. “You wash the dishes, and I’ll wrangle the monkey into bed?”

“Deal,” Jyn said, sticking out her hand for Cassian to shake.

“Come on, mijo.” Cassian reached out to grab Sam around the waist, throwing him over his shoulder as he laughed and swung his legs in protest. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Sam protested the entire process – stubbornly refusing the Spiderman pajamas that Cassian pulled out for him, and claiming he didn’t know how to brush his teeth – but by the time Cassian pulled back Sam’s covers, his eyelids were drooping. The fight drained out him as soon as his head hit the pillows.

“Cassian?” Sam mumbled as Cassian pulled the blankets over him.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for coming tonight.” Sam said with a drowsy smile. “I loved having you there.”

“Thanks for letting me come, Sam,” Cassian whispered, running his hands over the boy’s hair. “And thanks for letting me join you and your mom afterwards.”

“You make her happy,” Sam muttered in his pillow. “I don’t think she says it a lot, but you make her really happy.”

“I’m glad, because she makes me happy too.”

Sam didn’t reply to Cassian’s words, and Cassian took his evened breathing to mean he had finally succumbed to sleep. He ran his hand over Sam’s hair once more before turning to leave.

“Goodnight, Sam,” he whispered as he shut off the light and pulled the door closed.

“He didn’t give you too much trouble, did he?” Jyn asked in a hushed tone as Cassian walked back to the kitchen.

Cassian shook his head, leaning on the counter next to where Jyn was loading the dishwasher. “A little bit, but I don’t mind at all.”

Jyn shot a sideways grin at him. “Try doing this every day for ten years, and then we’ll discuss how much you mind doing it.”

“Please,” Cassian laughed. “We both know you would learn to do a handstand if Sam asked you to.”

“Fine, you got me,” Jyn shrugged as she closed the dishwasher. “But don’t tell him that. I have to keep some form of authority over him.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Cassian kept his voice quiet, both not to disturb the sleeping boy only a few rooms away as well as not to break the romantic atmosphere between him and Jyn as she stepped into his arms. She leaned up on her toes to kiss him, throwing her arms around his neck and reaching her fingers into his hair. Cassian’s hands wandered to her lower back, edging down to where her shirt rode up slightly, and pressed her closely to him. He sucked her lower lip into his mouth, feeling slightly triumphant as she moaned against him.

Cassian hitched Jyn up, pulling her onto the counter and stepping between her legs. They continued to kiss, almost lazily, for the next few minutes. Jyn pulled back eventually, her eyes hooded, and rubbed her thumb over Cassian’s ear. Cassian’s hand reach back into her hair, longing to pull her tight against him again, but he had to check with Jyn.

“Is this alright?”

She answered him with a kiss, easing her tongue between Cassian’s lips. Part of Cassian’s brain wanted to take that an answer and never pull away from her; just keep pushing and pulling and learning Jyn, but more of him wanted to hear her say the words.

With difficulty, he pulled away from her lips. “Jyn?”

“Yes, Cassian. This is definitely alright.”

“That’s all I wanted to hear,” Cassian smiled and leaned back into her kiss.

When Jyn’s alarm blared the next morning – Cassian really needed to ask what their obsession with a 90s Disney movie was – he didn’t hear it muffled through the walls separating their apartments. If Cassian ever thought the alarm was loud from his bed, it was nothing compared to its sound from Jyn’s bed.

“Why,” he groaned as Jyn rose to turn it off, “would you possibly have that so loud?”

Jyn shrugged. “It gets both me and Sam up with one alarm. It makes sense.”

Cassian quirked an eyebrow at her. “It wakes your neighbors up, too.”

“Good,” Jyn smirked. “Six A.M. is a perfectly reasonable time to get up, and I’m glad I can encourage my neighbors to get productive starts to their day.” Cassian leaned up on one elbow, smiling as Jyn wandered to her closet. After a moment, she noticed Cassian staring and demanded, “What?”

“Nothing. Just… You’re so beautiful,” Cassian explained.

Jyn’s lips curled, and she teased, “I believe what you’re experiencing is called ‘post-coitial bliss,’ Cassian.”

“Maybe,” Cassian shrugged, “But I’m right.” No matter how many times Cassian awoke to the sight of Jyn with rumpled hair and an easy smile on her face – which hopefully was would be plenty of times – he wanted to remember this, the first time he’d been blessed with such a sight.

Cassian rolled out of bed, intending on wrapping Jyn in his arms and perhaps pulling her back into bed, when a sleepy Sam opened Jyn’s door. Jyn and Cassian exchanged a hurried glance and Jyn jutted her chin towards where Cassian’s shirt lay discarded on the floor. Luckily, Sam was rubbing his eyes and focused on his mom, so Cassian could pull his shirt over his head before Sam even noticed him.

“Cassian?” Sam’s voice was still rough with sleep. “What are you doing here?”

“I…” Cassian floundered for an answer, while Jyn stood there with crossed arms and a playful expression on her face. He was on his own to find an excuse to tell Sam, apparently. “I wanted to make pancakes for you and your mom.”

Jyn mouthed good save to him.

Sam’s eyes went wide. “We never have pancakes on school mornings.”

“That’s why I brought in a specialist,” Jyn told Sam. “Why don’t you go help Cassian while I take a shower?”

Sam nodded and took Cassian’s hand, pulling him into the kitchen. Opening the cupboard, Sam pulled out a box of pancake mix, which Cassian scoffed at.

“Your mom and I have two different ways of making pancakes,” Cassian explained. Pulling out his phone, he found the recipe and showed it to Sam. “We’ll be making them from scratch.”

Cassian reached back into the pantry and pulled out the ingredients. Jyn’s pantry lacked many necessary supplies – Cassian shouldn’t be surprised by this, but he rolled his eyes anyway; who didn’t own baking powder, anyway? – so Cassian tasked Sam with measuring out flour and sugar while he ran to his apartment to gather the remaining ingredients and his electric griddle.

“This weekend,” Cassian told Sam and he poured the batter onto the griddle, “you and I are going to the store to stock your pantry.”

“Bad things tend to happen when Mama cooks,” Sam said. “So maybe we shouldn’t.”

“I heard that!” Jyn yelled from the next room over, and the boys laughed.

By the time Jyn emerged from the bathroom, her hair blown dry and pulled into its customary bun, Cassian and Sam had a plate full of pancakes – including a lopsided C, S, and J shaped pancake for each of them – waiting for her along with a glass of orange juice. Sam pulled out Jyn’s chair, as Cassian had instructed, and proclaimed, “Tu desayuno, madre.”

Jyn laughed as she sat down. “Who is this child and what have you done with my son?” She asked Cassian.

“This lovely gentleman? He’s my sous chef,” Cassian explained as he laid a plate in front of her, pressing a kiss her cheek. “Very essential to the cooking process.”

Jyn pointed her fork in his direction, a chunk of syrupy pancake dangling off the end. “You need to be here in the morning more often, mister, because he has no cooking skills with me.”

Cassian ignored Sam’s shout of protest to smile at Jyn. “Careful what you wish for, Jyn, or I may be here a lot of mornings.”

Rather than responding to Cassian, Jyn directed her next question to Sam. “Would you be okay with that?”

“Are you kidding?” Sam said around a mouthful of pancake. “I’d love that!”

Jyn turned back to Cassian with a smile. “Then I guess that’s an open invitation.”

When someone knocked on his door on a Friday afternoon, Cassian expected to see either Sam or Jyn at the door. Instead, Bodhi Rook stood there.

“Hi,” he waved, a slightly awkward smile on his face. “Do you mind if I come in?”

Cassian opened the door wider and ushered him in. “Do you want something to drink?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.”

Bodhi didn’t continue, and Cassian glanced at him, wondering why he stopped by. Cassian liked Bodhi well enough, but the pair never interacted without Jyn and Sam there with them. With a sudden thought of panic, Cassian wondered if Bodhi had come by to give a customary “big brother” talk – don’t mess with Jyn or they’ll be hell to pay or something to that extent.

Instead of a threat, Bodhi started with, “I have an offer for you.”

“Oh?” Cassian asked, still uncertain where this was going.

“Well, the thing is – well, Mother’s Day is coming up, and Sam and I – me, really, but Sam always tries to help – we like to plan a nice day for Jyn. She rolls her eyes and complains – you know how she is – but it’s always nice to do something good for her, you know?” Bodhi’s words stumbled out quickly, but he paused to take a breath here. “I was wondering if you wanted to take over that planning.”

Apparently Bodhi, like Jyn, knew exactly how to catch Cassian off guard.

“You don’t have to, of course,” Bodhi assured him, catching the surprised look on Cassian’s face. “I know you’ve only been dating a few months, but I know Sam would love it, so I wanted to give you the chance…”

A slow smile spread across Cassian’s face. Jyn’s brother and her son – her family – were offering him the chance to join an important family tradition. How could he pass that up?

“I’d love to do that,” Cassian said and Bodhi’s shoulders relaxed. An idea, spurred on by a conversation he and Jyn had months previous now staring at the starless sky above their apartment, sprung into Cassian’s head. “What do you think are the chances of us getting her away for a whole weekend?”

Bodhi grinned, and though both men agreed convincing Jyn of a weekend getaway would take extraneous planning – and their greatest secret weapon: Sam Erso’s puppy dog eyes.

After explaining the plan to Sam, the trio waited until dinner the next evening to spring the plan on Jyn.

“So, Mom,” Sam began with eyes a little too wide and a smile a little too broad to be inconspicuous. “I couldn’t help but notice that Mother’s Day is coming up in a few weeks.”

“And Bodhi explained you three normally make plans that weekend,” Cassian said next as Jyn stopped eating and began eyeing the three of them warily.

“Cassian, the brilliant man, came up with a great plan,” Bodhi continued, pausing before dropping the bombshell. “But it means being gone the entire weekend.”

Jyn sat back in her chair, crossing her arms. “What is this great plan?”

“Ah,” Cassian chided, “I’m afraid that’s a secret. You’ll have to trust us.”

Jyn examined each of their faces individually. “I don’t have a choice, do I?” She sighed.

“Nope!” Sam replied and beamed at her again.

And thus, the trip was decided.

Cassian and Bodhi agreed to keep details away from Sam – he was much too likely to spill if Jyn promised him extra desserts. Bodhi borrowed some camping supplies from a coworker – “Luke is all about connecting with the force of nature,” Bodhi had explained, “So his garage is practically an outdoors store.” – while Cassian turned to the internet to find the best camping sites with clear night skies. Jyn spent the two weeks attempting to needle information out of them, often using Sam as her main weapon, but by the time Cassian pushed Jyn and Sam’s weekend bags into the trunk of his car, she still had no idea where they were going.

They stopped at the Chinese restaurant Jyn and Cassian frequented for dates – the owner seemed particularly glad to meet Sam – for lunch before hopping on the road. The drive would take four hours and, if Cassian had calculated correctly, they’d arrive in time to set up their tent before the stars came out.

They pulled into the campsite beside Bodhi, who had driven separately with all their equipment. Cassian knew Jyn had figured out what they were doing – perhaps she’d figured it out hours ago in their drive – but she said nothing as she got out of the car and moved to wake Sam, who had dozed off some time earlier.

Bodhi and Cassian struggled to set up the tent, bickering over the instructions while Jyn watched, amused, from a distance, a drowsy Sam sitting beside her in the grass. She started a fire while they finished erecting the tent and pulled out s’mores supplies Cassian had packed in the trunk.

The group gathered in a semi-circle around the fire, toasting marshmallows and swapping stories.

The sky grew dark overhead, violet and pink streaks darkening into navy and indigo, and the bright lights of stars – more than Cassian had ever seen – blinked across the expanse.

“You planned this for me?” Jyn said, awed, as she stared at the sky.

“You said you haven’t been stargazing in years, but you’d always wanted to teach Sam,” Cassian explained to Jyn, rubbing his hand over her shoulder. “So, here’s your chance, mi estrella.”

“You’re an amazing man, Cassian Andor,” she whispered to him, punctuating her words with a quick kiss. “But you’re giving yourself a lot to live up to. How are you going to top this next Mother’s Day?”

“Are you planning for that already?” He teased with a quirk of his eyebrows.

“Naturally. Aren’t you with me?”

Cassian pulled her close and pressed his lips to her forehead, promising, “All the way.”

[thisgeekyteacher]

October. That was a month… And November has been so brutal that this is coming supremely late in the day! But back to October: Two jobs, one crashed and burned the other one stuck, so I can now say I work in London, how surreal is that… I commute on the tube, there is a boy, a routine is slowly coming into being, and all these wonderful people I have known all over the world are popping up all over London. I’ve no idea how life works, but it does so in mysterious ways, that’s for sure!

HEADLINE OF THE MONTH

October has been another month of fact buried deep under the weight of untruths, opinion posing as fact, and illusion. In the run up to the US mid-term election, the world has been watching the already sinking ship be battered by ever more waves of racism, anti-semitism and white supremacy, all wrapped up in the neat package that is “Make America Great Again.” At time of writing, the results of the mid-terms have been coming though, and the Democrats have taken a majority in the house.

In a world where borders are becoming increasingly meaningless, no matter what Trump and company are trying make people believe, I take a vested interest in what’s going on across the pond. As of today, whilst by no means a fix in any stretch of the imagination, things are looking a little brighter for our friends in the states.

It’s a start.

FOOD / DRINK

Having a job is an amazing way of getting the diet (by which I mean regular meal times, because diet, who’s she? I don’t know her!) My month hasn’t been completely bereft of food or cooking, however, but I am ashamed to say that there is a lack of photographs – what kind of blogger have I become (one who is remedying this in Novembers post, that’s what kind, but for now imagination will have to suffice.)

First up, the Thai round the corner. A few minutes walk from the homestead is a pub-come-Thai restaurant by the name of Latymers, which is as good as the Thai round the corner from my flat in Hong Kong. The food is good, the atmosphere is great and the staff are so utterly delightful I wish I could go more frequently just to see them! A Thai Red Curry is always my default, however they’re also surprisingly easy to get wrong. I’m please to say that the Red Curry at Latymers is everything you could wish for (I always have the beef) and Ali informs me that the Pad Thai is on point also.

I think it was early October I ended up in Neal’s Yard with my sister. It was time for food and as we were in the area, went to the Wild Food Cafe. The food was utterly delicious and we felt very virtuous. Neither of us are vegan or vegetarian, but we appreciate our veggies and good, seasonal, healthy food. The menu has changed since we went, so I won’t bore you with the details, but I highly recommend checking it out. Take a friend and share so you can try lots of things!

One delight I have found, in returning to the UK, has been brunch. There is nothing like a full English for making your Sunday great, and there’s a fantastic wee place near the boy’s that’s that good we’ve made return visits. My stomach is not enough of a bottomless pit for me to handle the supreme breakfast, or whatever it’s called, on my own, but it’s well worth it, and the boy makes no complaints at having extras!!

Cooking wise, it’s still been pretty simple. Honey ginger chicken is a regular, Chili con carne is back on the rotational menu, spiralised courgette salad was a thing for a week, and parsnip and butternut squash soup has been made. My cooking is still haphazard as I’m still (well into November) lacking a solid routine, but I’m, closer than I was!

READING & WRITING

When it comes to reading, I’m having a bit of a love-hate battle with the tube. On the one hand, you have a designated reading slot thrust into your lap. On the other hand, I’m still enough of a noob to the London Underground that I dare not read for fear of zoning out and missing my stop. I find I get quickly engrossed and miss a handful of stops. I’ve not overshot my stop yet, but I have a feeling it will happen one day.

Despite this inner battle, I have managed to get a fair bit of reading done this month – some old favourites (which is apparently a weird thing to do, re-reading books…) and some new ones.

Matthew Reilly has been high on my reading list, with the newest Jack West Jr. book, ‘Three Secret Cities‘, being released on Thursday November 8th in the UK (I’m going to go ahead and assume it’s already out by the time this is published) I’ve been re-reading the earlier books, and other Matthew Reilly books too.

I forced one of his books, ‘Temple’, upon the boy. I think it’s a pretty good introduction into Reilly’s world of fast-paced, action-movie-in-a-book fiction. A stand alone that weaves a modern day and historical narrative together, it was demolished within no time – and to my shame it was taking me a lot longer to read a book in the same time frame! The Reilly books I’ve read this month are, in no particular order, ‘Four Legendary Kingdoms’, ‘Six Sacred Stones’ and ‘Area 7′, the latter being the second Shane Schofield book.

Other books I’ve read this month include, in fiction, Ruth Hogan’s ‘The Wisdom of Sally Red Shoes‘ and Mo Hayder’s ‘Birdman‘, and in non-fiction ‘Natives‘ by Akala.

There has also been much reading of cookbooks after the discovery that was Leon, a fast food joint in the UK which is utterly delicious. And yes, cookbooks are their own separate category. It was the ‘Little Leon: Lunchbox‘ that kicked it off, and the possession of an iPad consolidated. I have a lot of cooking to do… and if I were to recommend any Leon books to you, they would be ‘Leon: Fast and Free‘ and ‘Leon: Family and Friends’.

  WORK

So, I have a job. Phew!

I actually love my job. A bit of researching, a bit of writing, a lot of learning about all sorts of new things, and a lot of stuff I can’t put here.

But that’s ok, because this blog is for other things. So in a work related sense for the teachers out there, I’m working on updating my Narnia Winter Camp, and (finally) making templates for my felt advent calendar. I’ve been using mine for years before finally getting round to this! But, it is the season, after all.

Look out for posts on these coming soon!

TV / FILM

Honestly, I’ve barely watched anything. There’s been much Star Trek (again) some Doctor Who (because UK Netflix rocks) and Stephen Colbert, naturally!

There are a millions and one things I’m keen to watch, should I ever get round to it… but we’ll see!

ACTIVITY

London is full of so much stuff it’s overwhelming, and blink and you miss it. Unless you know people. One of the most amazing things I saw this month, and possibly ever, was the Thomas Cole exhibition in the National Gallery. Ali took me, wanting to see the paintings in person. I had no idea who this guy was, let alone anything about the series of paintings in question.

They were incredible.

Not only is he an incredible landscape artist – the way he captured the afternoon light on the aqueduct outside Rome was as good as any photograph, but the depth of detail, and the brutal yet ethereal constant truth of The Course of Empire series, leaves an impression that still has not been shaken.

If you are ever lucky enough to see them for yourself, I highly recommended you go.

Another art museum I visited in October was the Tate Modern. Not the easiest to navigate, but full of some fascinating and varied artwork. The Magic Realism exhibition particularly resonated with me. Feature art from Weimar Germany, it’s fascinating, disturbing and so, so compelling you can’t look away. I still need to get my hands on the book of 5 essays that accompanies the exhibition.

Another exploratory trip with Ali was to the Cutty Sark, a former tea clipper. She is an utterly beautiful ship, a masterful piece of engineering combining all the beauty of a wooden ship with the industrial nature of steel as nautical engineering moved into the Industrial Age.

She has been beautifully preserved, and it’s amazing being able to clamber about her and go in and out of her cabins. It helps when your pal is a wee bit of an encyclopaedia giving you all the cool info (no, I’m not going to tell you – where’s the fun in that!)

We went home via a Thames ferry, which gave us a totally different view of London, driech day though it was, and it was fascinating seeing all the through ways, doorways and passageways that are still here or blocked up on the banks of the Thames. You just don’t see them when you’re on land and, pricier though it is, I would highly recommend a wee trip on the Thames if you can!

CRAFT

The limit of my crafting this month has been my letter writing. I’ve not had the time, or the wakeful brain, to do much else. It’s a slow return to form, and it’s been knocked back by life in recent weeks, but slowly and surely the creative buzz is returning and I’m desperate to let it run wild! Watch this space. I hope.

MUSIC

Autumn brings with it a rush of releases. I don’t know if that’s because of Christmas, or if the summer months are more conducive to creativity or song writing (I say that like there are rules to how long it takes to write an album) but hands down the best release – or acquisition for October – has been SIX. It absolutely has to be the first to go in here, because oh my days, what an album! Telling the stories of Henry VIII’s six wives, it’s clever, funny, insightful, packed with cracking tunes, and if I were still teaching, I’d be working this into a class (there goes that creativity, and hopefully worksheets will be coming to a post soon!!!)

Six is, for me, one of the best musicals I’ve heard since Hamilton. It’s touring the UK just now, and will be back in London after Christmas. I can’t wait to go and see it on stage! Until then, you can find me busting out ‘House Of Holbein‘ (and ‘Couldn’t Get It Up‘ from Hot Gay Time Machine, another cracking tune, I highly recommend.)

Outwith music from the stage, there have been some stellar releases this month, some I know I’ve missed, like the new Black Eyed Peas. There have been offerings from Twenty One Pilots, You Me At Six, KT Tunstall, Monsta X, Stray Kids, Ella Mai, Jess Glynn, Tom Odell, BoA, Lukas Graham, Zion. T, IZ*ONE, among many others, and an honorary mention goes to Christine and the Queens, as I’ve only been listening to the new album solidly since early October, so I’m counting it despite its September release.

There’s too many to go through them all individually, but I think it’s about time for another Mixtape Monday post!

FASHION & BEAUTY

I’m going to be honest, I am all at sea trying to deal with a British autumn, and one in London, which carries it’s own set of challenges. One day it’s warm, the next it’s freezing, but I’m still not sure it’s cold enough to warrant the layers, and thickness thereof, that I see on the tube any given day. My Northern Pride as returned with a vengeance. It’s pretty much been rotating striped jumpers… I’m a woman of simple tastes (in bright colours…)

Makeup wise, I’m holding on to my Korean faves, but have also moved on to The Ordinary. At my sisters persuasion, we headed off to Covent Garden (the same day as Neal’s Yard, in fact) and she wheeled me into The Ordinary store. I’ve been using their hyaluronic acid, foundation and primer for the about a month now, and they really are excellent. It’s the best primer I’ve ever used, my skin is better than it’s been in quite some time, and they’re so affordable! 10/10 would recommend.

I’ve also been enjoying the BaByliss Tight Curls Wand. This little baby makes tiny curls, that stay in your hair and fall out beautifully. It may take a hour to curl my hair, but it’s worth it (well, debatable, but I’m sold!)

MISC.

It’s hard to think of any miscellaneous items or events when most of your time has been spent job hunting, working, sleeping or just trying to re-assimilate back into your home country – not the easiest of walks in the park, I can tell you.

If I’m pushed, what shall go here is my lamp. Because, you know, buying a lamp is a sign you’re staying put in a country!

The lamp in my room peaced out early in the month, and Ali picked out it’s replacement before I did (I mean, she is an Architect with an on-point interior design eye!)

So, yes, I have a lamp (mine has a grey shade) it’s beautiful, and it’s good to be home.

  If you fancy keeping this geeky teacher running, chip in for that finest of energy juices: coffee!

Best of… |October 2018 October. That was a month... And November has been so brutal that this is coming supremely late in the day!

[itsworn]

Reborn and Blown 1972 Chevelle from Down Under

Each year, hundreds of old cars make their way across the Pacific Ocean from the USA to Australia. There are plenty of companies set up purely to help buyers import classic American muscle, and Aussies have been doing it for decades. But it’s always a gamble—particularly if you can’t fly over and personally check the car out beforehand.

Thirty-two-year-old Ben Brown had been scouring the Internet for a classic car of his own. His objective was to find something a little more unique than the typical first-gen Camaro or Mustang options. “I wanted something different,” he says. “I love the fat rear end of the Chevelle, so I began my search in the USA and ended up buying this ’72, which had been on the show Car Warriors.”

Car Warriors, hosted by rodding legend Jimmy Shine, pitted two teams against one another to build a cool car in just 48 hours. As you can imagine, with a deadline of just 48 hours, corners are going to be cut and Ben found himself thoroughly deflated when he finally got his hands on the car.

“When it turned up it was nothing like the photos and not finished how it was on TV. I was so excited tracking it on the ship all the way from New York, but then it turned up and it didn’t start, none of the electrics worked, and the interior was held together by a few screws,” recalls Ben. The first thing he did was to rip out the entire interior.

I was just going to redo the interior and get it registered as a weekend cruiser, but then things started to snowball. I spoke to a mate about the paint as it had a terrible pinstripe down the side and we needed to rub the car right back to fix that, so I thought I’d change the color.”

And change it Ben did. Originally blue, Ben intended to go for a classic black. However, shortly before taking the car to the painter, a conversation with the team at House of Kolor in Australia saw Ben arrive at the panel shop with tins of Kandy red and HOK’s Shimrin gold base.

“Rod finished the car and, when I went to pick it up, everyone was amazed at how good the color looked and that right there was when the bug really hit.”

Finishing the car from this point was no rush job. In fact, Ben says he parked the car for about a year while considering his options. While slowly collecting myriad parts for the car, he came across a sale notice on Facebook for a brand-new supercharger. Shit just got real.

“I called Rob Zahabi up at Rides By Kam,” he says. “We discussed a plan of attack for about two hours on the phone and, about a month later, I did a road trip up to the Gold Coast with a ute (utility vehicle, think modern El Camino) full of parts and a half-finished Chevelle in tow. This is where Rob took over and got the car to where it is today.”

From here, the plan included rebuilding the 383ci crate engine the car came with to handle the boost of the new 6-71 TBS blower (topped with twin Holley 750-cfm carbs and fired by an MSD ignition), as well as fitting RideTech airbags and some tasty new Baer six-piston brakes to the front end. These are partially covered by the classic-looking Intro V-Rod 20×10 wheels that Ben had bought around the time the car was being painted. Backing up the mill is a manual TH400 that feeds into a beefed-up 12-bolt rear.

Ben also finally got to eradicate any memory of the wretched interior that he was faced with when the car came off the cargo ship—and he did it in spectacular fashion. With the entire cabin laid bare, Ben had a new fiberglass dash and center console from The Shop fitted and painted in matching Kandy red. The dash was then filled with AutoMeter gauges and the center console boasts a 7-inch Sony DVD/CD player that sends signals to a slew of Hifonics speakers and subs.

The driver and three passengers sit pretty in Holden Commodore SS VE bucket seats covered in cream leather. The same cream cowhide also covers the custom door trims, kick panels, as well as lines the sides of the console and the billet half-wrap steering wheel. You’ll find even more cream cowhide in the trunk where the Hifonics four-channel power amplifier and 12-inch subwoofers leave plenty of space for the shopping.

“The car was finished late December 2014 ready for SummerNats as its first show, and I was stoked to get into the Top 60,” Ben says. “I got an achievement award and, more than anything, got valuable advice from the judges on small changes and tweaks we needed to do.

“I’m in the middle of working out a plan for a new and improved PH-FAT, which includes tubbing and notching the rear end, smoothing everything, a possible color change, rollcage, and new motor combo,” he says. “I want to be in the 1000hp club to enjoy PowerCruise (a popular car show in Australia that’s focused on driving events), but still have a show quality car at the same time.”

The post Reborn and Blown 1972 Chevelle from Down Under appeared first on Hot Rod Network.

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[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/sports-2018-expect-major-hype-without-much-payoff/

Sports in 2018: expect more major hype without much payoff

2017 saw more shocks and surprises from Donald Trump's White House than the sports world, and expect more of the same in 2018. Expect the president to find ways to insinuate himself into the media during high profile events like the Super Bowl, and the jury is out on how Johnny Manziel will handle being in the Canadian Football League. If you liked the spectacle that was Mayweather-McGregor, you’re going to love 2018. The coming year in sports will be long on hype, short on fresh faces, and just like Floyd Mayweather Jr. taking his sweet time to dismantle Conor McGregor, shorter still on suspense by the end. We’ll see a few favorites do what they do well: Alabama, Serena Williams, the New England Patriots, Golden State Warriors, Jordan Spieth, Germany’s World Cup side and hot dog-eating king Joey Chestnut will all win championships and polish their reputations as dynasties. The Russians, meanwhile, will tarnish theirs by getting caught doping at the Winter Olympics. Just as predictably, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell will look overmatched at several points in the season, QB Colin Kaepernick will still be on the lookout for work, and the Tennessee Vols will be looking for yet another football coach when December rolls around. There will be people playing out of position, too. Michael Jordan, 54, who owns the Charlotte Hornets and used to be a fair NBA player, will return to the court just long enough to shut up LaVar Ball — basketball’s version of a stage-dad-from-Hades — in a pay-per-view event during All-Star weekend. Their beef began in June, when 50-year-old LaVar said, “Back in my heyday, I would kill Michael Jordan one-on-one.” Considering Ball’s “heyday” was one season at Washington State exactly 20 years ago — he averaged 2 points and 2 rebounds — Jordan simply ignored him. But then a kid asked MJ about the matchup at a basketball camp in August. “I don’t think he could beat me,” Jordan replied, “if I was one-legged.” “Well guess what,” Ball shot back, “I can beat him with one hand.” So let’s get ready to... stumble? Yet for all the imagined “beefs” spilling over into the new year, several real ones are going to be settled. Without further ado, here’s a look ahead: Jan. 8 — Alabama coach Nick Saban dozes off mid-answer explaining how the Tide shut down Heisman Trophy winner Baker Mayfield and Oklahoma to become the first repeat winner of the College Football Playoff. “Sorry,” Saban says after a player gently nudges him awake. “I’ve been watching film on every team in America on a loop for ... actually, I don’t remember how long. Pretty much since we lost to Clemson in this game exactly a year ago.” Saban spots his wife, Terry, at the back of the interview room and asks how their kids are doing. She smiles back; he says, “Great!” and heads for the exit. “Enough celebrating,” Saban announces, checking his watch. “Recruiting season begins ... now!” Jan. 15 — Unbeknownst to fans and foes, Serena Williams was two months pregnant when she won the 2017 Australian Open. She opens defense of her title with a 6-0, 6-0 win over wild-card entry Jessica Ponchet of France with 4½-month-old daughter Alexis strapped into a baby sling on her back. “No disrespect to Jessica,” Williams explains, “but Venus was busy with her own match, and every working parent knows how hard it is to find a babysitter. So this was just an emergency fix. As soon as my mom gets here, I promise, Alexis will go back to watching my matches from the stands.” March 29 — Washington’s Bryce Harper homers three times on opening day at Cincinnati, then tells reporters afterward he won’t spend “even one minute” thinking about free agency until the season is over. On his way down the tunnel, he texts Kris Bryant, the Chicago Cubs third baseman and Harper’s BFF since they were dominating little leaguers together in Las Vegas. “Wassup?” April 2 — With FBI agents posted outside the Final Four locker rooms as part of an ongoing federal corruption probe, Gonzaga beats Duke and finally rewards long-suffering coach Mark Few. “I’ve waited a long time for this, but let’s be frank,” Few says. “It didn’t hurt that Arizona, Louisville, USC and who-knows-how-many other powerhouse programs and players were probably feeling some heat from the feds. “It can’t be easy to coach or play your best,” he adds, “in a mask.” June 17 — Golden State beats Cleveland again in a rough-and-tumble, seven-game series to repeat as NBA champions. The Finals cap a combative round of playoffs that includes constant scuffling between former teammates-turned-rivals LeBron James and Kyrie Irving in the Eastern Conference and Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook in the West. “My calendar has exactly one event left on it: vacation,” jubilant Golden State coach Steve Kerr says afterward. But just to be sure, the Warriors launch a pre-emptive Twitter strike saying they won’t be visiting to the White House this year, either. “Wasn’t gonna invite you, anyway!” President Trump tweets back. “#LOSERS!” July 15 — Germany wraps up its dominant monthlong campaign by defeating Russia, its surprisingly tough hosts, 5-0 in the World Cup final in Moscow. President Vladimir Putin hands over the trophy and then, seeking to sooth the restive home crowd, he smiles and adds: “Don’t forget. We beat you here the last time — when it really mattered.” Aug. 12 — Spieth becomes the only golfer ever to complete the calendar Grand Slam and the youngest in the bargain by winning his fourth straight major, the PGA Championship. The 24-year-old Texan took advantage of the rules after an errant drive in the final round left him seemingly stranded in the Bellerive Country Club parking. Thanks to a free drop, he banged a 3-wood off the grille of a Cadillac Escalade and over the clubhouse to within six feet of the flag, then made the birdie putt to seal it. “I was having trouble picturing the shot,” Spieth smiled, “until Michael (Greller, his caddie) told me Tiger used to drive one of those.” Sept. 28 — Prized Yankee import Giancarlo Stanton and sophomore phenom Aaron Judge, both poised to break baseball’s home run record, go hitless as the final series of the regular season begins in Boston. Red Sox starter Chris Sale explains his decision afterward to intentionally walk Stanton and Judge every at-bat despite pitching a complete-game no-hitter. “Every time I looked into their dugout, I saw their manager and thought, ‘That’s Aaron Bleepin’ Boone.′ The last thing I was going to do is get beat by a home run.” Nov. 9 — Magnus Carlsen successfully defends his World Chess Championship in London against New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick, who competed under protest after an attempt to list both rooks, both knights and several pawns as “probable” for the first game is denied by the international federation. “I hope people will realize once and for all how silly it is to call sporting contests ’chess matches,” Carlsen says. Belichick follows the Norwegian grandmaster to the podium afterward. “I’m only going to talk about our next opponent, and that’s the New York Jets,” he growls. “Questions?”

Movie TV Tech Geeks News

[ronaldmrashid]

It Feels A Lot Like 2007 Again: Reflecting On The Previous Peak

Reflection helps us appreciate how far we’ve come. Reflection also helps us learn from our mistakes. In this post, I’d like everybody to reflect on several key items: Career, Finances, Health, Family, and Happiness. See if you can tie the five together and weave a story about who you are today.

The one thing I know for sure is that 2017 feels a lot like it did 10 years ago. But this time, every asset class is expensive. I’ve got folks asking me about investing in cryptocurrencies when they haven’t even invested in stocks. Other folks are asking whether they should use their HELOC to buy another property with an 80% loan-to-value ratio. Everybody has maximum investing FOMO right now!

It’s an exhilarating time, but it’s also a perilous time for those who don’t have perspective. 

Life In 2007

Career: I was finishing up my third year as a VP at a large investment bank in San Francisco. 2007 was also the year I turned 30. Given my boss recently departed to become a client, I was left to take over the west coast business. Knowing my worth, I asked for a raise and a promotion and got them. If they lost me to a competitor, they would have been screwed for at least six months as they scrambled to find and train my replacement.

30 years old was a significant age because I finally felt like I could be taken seriously. Getting my MBA in 2006 also gave me a confidence boost. I was loving my career because I was finally my own boss in San Francisco. Sure, I had to work with the head of the office and a more senior colleague in a different department, but for the most part, I was free to control my own schedule. So long as the business was coming in, nobody could complain.

In 2007, I thought I could easily work for 10 more years and then call it quits for good. Little did I know the financial crisis would crush my industry and cause me to pursue a different path just four years later.

Related: A List Of Career Limiting Moves To Blow Up Your Future

Finances: I received the biggest bonus of my life in 2007 due to a negotiation I had with my big boss in Hong Kong. It was a handshake agreement, so you never know until the end of the year when bonuses are paid. But he delivered as promised. From that day on, I decided to be loyal until the very end.

Although the stock market was booming, I was still hesitant to go all-in due to the dotcom bubble that began to collapse in 2000. Instead of investing everything I had in the stock market, I decided to invest most of my savings in real estate. At least with real estate, if all went to hell, I’d still have something to sleep in.

I bought my first SF property in 2003, lived in it for two years, and was renting it out to a couple in 2007. In 2005, I decided to take out a $1,200,000 mortgage and buy a single family house in the Marina district for $1,523,000. It was the cheapest house for its size in the neighborhood because it was on a busy block next to the busiest street.

Because my real estate investing experience was positive, and I had just received a big bonus, I decided to buy a $718,000, 2/2 vacation condo at The Resort At Squaw Creek, Lake Tahoe in 2007. I loved the place because that’s where I took my girlfriend on our first getaway date back in 2001.

I was delirious about my financial luck and felt I just couldn’t lose. I was imagining that my compensation would continue to grow by 10-20% a year for the next five years. There were some warning signs about the stock market and real estate market getting ahead of themselves, but I didn’t listen carefully. Instead, I myopically focused on my fortunate career situation. I wish someone with decades of experience sat down with me to run through the pros and cons of buying more property then.

Notice the frequency. Nobody know when the next downturn will begin.

Health: Work was stressful given the 60-70 hour work weeks. But at least my chronic back pain from 2000-2003 was gone. But what replaced my chronic back pain was teeth grinding and TMJ. It hurt to speak for more than an hour. I remember paying $700 to a specialist dentist who ground down parts of my molars so I could get some relief when I closed my jaw.

I was in OK shape because I started aggressively playing tennis again. But of course, I suffered from occassional tennis elbow pain that kept me from swinging freely. I weighed between 162-165 lbs, which was a normal weight for someone 5’10” tall.

Now when I look back on my diet, I realize I ate extremely unhealthy due to frequent client entertainment. I’d often take clients to fancy steak restaurants and nice lounges. The wagyu beef and Moscow Mules tasted especially good thanks to a corporate card with a $200/head budget.

I remember telling myself that no matter what, living in San Francisco was healthier than living in Manhattan.

Family: My girlfriend graduated college in 3.5 years and came out to live with me in December 2001. She was 27 in 2007, and I was unsure whether starting a family was a good idea yet. Work was extremely busy and I had all this pressure to keep the ship afloat given my boss left.

But I knew she was the one, so I proposed during the heart of the financial crisis in 2008. We got married in Hawaii in December 2008.

If the financial crisis didn’t hit, I would have been more confident to start a family by 2010. It would have been nice to get parental leave and company benefits. Further, since our son is the best thing that has ever happened to us, he would have been in our lives for seven years longer.

It’s so difficult to figure out when is the best time to have children. Even if you decide now is the time, it might take several years to conceive.

What I do know is that having a life partner through my entire post college journey has been priceless.

Related: When Is the Best Time To Have Children? A Physical And Financial Decision

Happiness: I was ecstatic about getting a raise and a promotion. Part of my happiness stemmed from having gone to public high school and public university. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought I’d have a job at a respectable investment bank and earn a healthy income. If I had gone to an elite private school, I’m not sure I’d be as happy because I would have expected all these things and more.

It’s funny, but the memories that stands out most from this time period were figuring out what ring to buy and the cozy little wedding on our favorite beach in Hawaii the next year.

My happiness level has never really fluctuated much since graduating from college in 1999. It’s always been about a 7-8 out of 10. The happiness of getting recognized at work only lasted for maybe three months. The pressure to deliver took over.

Life in 2017 And Beyond

The most important thing I learned from 10 years ago is thinking that I couldn’t lose, and then losing big when the financial crisis hit in 2008. I remember swearing to myself in 2010 that if my investments ever came back to pre-crisis levels I would take some money off the table. I tried to do so in 2012 by selling my primary residence in order to pay off a ~$1,000,000 mortgage and live in a small two bedroom, one bathroom apartment. But nobody wanted to buy my four bedroom house.

The difference with 30 year olds in 2017 versus my 30 year old self in 2007 is that I went through the dotcom collapse in 2000. I saw paper millionaires end up with nothing within a couple years. They had to start all over, like the guy who made my breakfast croissant each morning. As a result, I tried to diversify as much as possible.

It’s hard to really know how scary recessions can be if you’ve never been in one with significant money at stake. Everybody likes to say they’ll hold on to their investments and buy more during a downturn. But when your investments are down 30%+ and many of your colleagues are getting fired, the first thing you do is think about survival, not dumping every last cent you have in the stock market.

I’m praying that I’ll finally be satisfied with what I have today and no longer grind as hard. My health depends on it. Staying in San Francisco and being surrounded by so many success stories has finally taken its toll. My recent bout of chronic back pain reminded me not to forget the point of financial independence and owning a lifestyle business: a better life.

Some Final Thoughts

* It’s easy to extrapolate explosive growth in your career and net worth in a bull market. The problem is, nobody wants to work forever and things always change. Be more conservative with your expectations. Don’t confuse brains with a bull market.

* No matter how much money you make or have, your steady state of happiness won’t really change. Stop thinking that if you get to X amount you will be happy. Retire by a certain age, not a financial figure. There will always be something that will give make you feel bad. But the good thing is, you’ll likely revert back to your steady state.

* If you’re relatively young (under 40), it’s worth swinging for the fences during the good times. It’s worth allocating some funny money to chase unicorns. Money is abundant and cheap. Once the spigot shuts off, dumb ideas no longer get funded and silly job offers are no longer given.

* Learn when to cash in your chips by setting goals. You made these goals because you decided how much was enough. If you’ve somehow found yourself way beyond your goals, then absolutely focus on using your profits for a better life. The saddest thing is losing a massive lead.

* Even if you buy at an inopportune time, if you wait long enough, you’ll likely eventually get back to even. Just look at us now.

* The next 10 years will go by faster than the previous 10 years. Make the most of it.

Related: Recommended Net Worth Allocation By Age Or Work Experience

I’d love to hear about where you were 10 years ago, and what you learned about yourself then that you will apply to your life now? Time truly accelerates the older we get. Let us not waste a single minute. 

The post It Feels A Lot Like 2007 Again: Reflecting On The Previous Peak appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from https://www.financialsamurai.com/feels-lot-like-2007-again/

[haggertyadventuretime]

Good morning, Vietnam!

Actually, it’s night time for us here, but the rest of y’all are just waking up, so hello!

(TL;DR: Vietnam is beautiful and crazy, the museums are eye opening and depressing, and some crazy shit has happened to us already and this post will slightly scare at least one mom... Sorry mums and dads! We are ok and loving it!)

Today is our third full day in Ho Chi Minh City (aka Saigon). Definitely the sketchiest place I’ve ever been, with the craziest traffic, and we are LOVING IT. No travel book or YouTube video can really prepare you for the onslaught of sounds/tastes/smells/sights that are packed into every square inch of this place. It’s also an area with very high crime, mostly petty theft via motorbike (or motorbike/cyclo gangs luring you into alleyways), so we have not been taking as many pictures like we would like, even though our phones are not the most desirable... We just don’t need to be targeted like other tourists! I am also wearing a face mask for the smog/exhaust while walking around since I had an athsma issue right before we left the US (although it is much better now! Yay!).

In terms of attractions, we have visited the War Remnants Museum, the colonial district, and the former US Embassy where that one famous picture was taken of a chopper evacuating Americans and Southern Vietnamese refugees.

This next part of the blog is going to be a little disturbing, so if you don’t want to re-live the horrors of war for a minute as I discover them, please skip the next full paragraph.

The War Remnants Museum is amazing and devastating. It is a three-story building full of artifacts from the Vietnam War, or as it is referred to here - the War of American Agression. It was heavier than going to Hiroshima for us, especially the exhibits about Agent Orange and ‘ordinance’ aka bombs/mines/grenades. At the entrance of the museum there is a group of individuals who are children (some third generation) of people who were exposed to Agent Orange and were thusly deformed and injured and it is HEART BREAKING. One man who was born without eyes or eye sockets was playing ‘Imagine’ and ‘Let it Be’ on the organ the entire time we were there. There was an exhibit about the photographers (on both sides) who captured the war and died doing so, noting how important it is that journalists keep lawmakers and generals honest about the truths of war. It was refreshing to see how appreciative the Vietnamese people are of those even on the US’ side who captured pictures of atrocities just before they happened. For example, there are several photos of Vietnamese families begging for their lives (children, women, elderly), and often the caption says under the photo, “[the journalist] told the soldiers to not do anything while [the journalist] took the photo, and as [the journalist] walked away, gunfire was heard and the pleading stopped.” There were pictures of people after they had been shot apart by bullets or torn apart by grenades. It was at the site (I’m think? Or a reconstruction of) where a POW torture area was for the Viet Cong, complete with tiger cages and torture devices (and pictures and figures to match). It’s crazy to think that all of this happened not so long ago in this same city, but you can see the scars. You can tell that these are buildings that have been bombed out and rebuilt, the dirt and fire marks are still there. Quite an experience for someone who was taught in middle school (incorrectly) that the US had never lost a war. If anything, we all lost, and people still suffer on both sides. Really, if you are human, is there any side other than that of the living?

OK, end of the super heavy stuff!

Food here is amazing. We have pho (beef broth noodle soup, about $3 each with vietnamese coffee [extra thick coffee with condensed milk]) every morning for breakfast, 50 cent beers and water bottles to drink, and 75 cent bahn mi (skewered minced beef sandwiches) as a snack. We had a full-on feast last night with a friend of a friend who had recently moved here (Meredith) who is also an IC alum and former Ithaca bartender. She gave us lots of great tips about getting around and out of the city and how to haggle effectively, not that I have had any problem with that 😼. It’s part of the culture, and even if it’s just a matter of a few cents, you are participating in the game, and you may get a few laughs and more respect as well as a better deal in return.

We are definitely staying alert as we walk around the city. Taking cyclos/unlicensed motorbikes is inadvisable, as many are just scams to take you to a back alley and rob you. It rains often and unexpectedly, and on our first night we had to turn back during a walk because the streets were flooded over a foot high. That night, funny enough, as we were wading, I felt something on my leg, and it was a GIANT cockroach (I’m talking over an inch long), which I flicked off and it subsequentially SWAM AWAY. The Vietnamese people are tougher than us, they just wade through the water in their flip flops. I have yet to see any Vietnamese person in anything other than flip flops or thin flats, including construction workers. I lied, the trash guy working the street today was wearing rain boots. That’s it. There are also lots of exposed wires on telephone poles, although I’m not convinced that they are active rather than just being old and been replaced by covered wires with the old ones never removed. Either way, we warn each other every turn as we approach those at our height.

We took a stroll through the catacomb-like alleyways today looking for a new cheap/slightly sleazy spot to squat and drink (DURING THE DAY, MOM. Ok? We were being careful as well as curious) and saw what it is that I’m sure other tourists don’t realize some of the people live in... Apartments that are one room for many people, only four or five feet between the floor and the ceiling, just a cot on the floor and all kitchen supplies stacked around with no running water source that I could see. I’ve never witnessed this type of abject poverty, and I’m astounded that people can still be so kind to strangers from another country like we have experienced thus far despite where we are from. The Vietnamese are truly an amazing and tough people. That being said, we have to stay on our guard everywhere we go, because we obviously stick out from a crowd. We are definitely not the only westerners staying here though, this is the backpacker’s district, so once you hit the main road, it’s white people, Chinese tourists, and Vietnamese street vendors hawking knockoff Ray Bans everywhere you look!

Finally, I will leave you with a list of the craziest things that have happened to us thus far/weirdest stuff I’ve seen in our first few days of Vietnam: We took a 25 cent bus ride for 30 mins from the airport to our hotel, when all other foreigners were taking $15 flat fee busses to the same area (being the only westerners on the bus= winning!); On the 5 min walk from our bus top to the hotel we were propositioned for marijuana three times by roaming cigarette vendors; An old lady punched me in the butt yesterday to get me to move out of her way (she was hunched over, so it was in line with her hand, and she was probably about 200 years old, so I don’t blame her); We made friends with a Canadien named Brock who was “robbed” two days ago in Hoi An by a motorbike gang because he was dumb and didn’t have a fake wallet like we do; We keep on watching creepy middle aged Australian men hit on teenage waitresses when there are hookers LITERALLY EVERYWHERE in all of the massage parlors, but today we watched one shopkeeper’s dogs bark at this one guy who was hitting on the daughter till creepy dude shut up (yay!); In the same place met a very affectionate (and tiny!) cat who has doggy sisters that chase her into her ceiling bedroom; Last night a drunk person wandered into our hotel and must have tried to open our door, because we heard drunken stammering and our (obviously locked) doorknob wiggle, so Brendan and I, decked only in underpants, listened to the hotel manager calmly tell the guy to leave, while we (ears pressed on the other side of the door) were ready with empty beer bottles and a shoe ready for a fight (as if we needed it/would be ready for it... we must have been quite the sight if you saw us!😹)...

Despite the negatives/craziness, we are loving it here, but cannot wait to escape to the countryside soon in the next couple of days! Saigon/HCMC is the craziest of all the cities in Vietnam, or so we are told, so if we love the rough and tumble here, we have been told we will love it everywhere.

[theforkedspoon]

Happy Snacking and Awesome Charcuterie Board (for Kids!!) with Lorissa's Kitchen

This post has been sponsored by Lorissa's Kitchen, but all thoughts and opinions expressed here are my own. And now, for a limited time, Visit Amazon to get 20% off your Lorissa's purchase. Thanks for reading!! #LKEveryday #sponsored

This weekend officially marked the start of soccer season for my tiny human. You guys, have you ever seen a group of 3-4 year olds play soccer? It was my first time at a tiny tot soccer "game" and it was probably (definitely) the funniest thing I have witnessed in months. First, you have the older 4 year olds that dominate the 3 year olds, literally plowing them down as they (most probably) kick the ball to the wrong goal. There were many tears on the field from tiny little egos being crushed. I shouldn't laugh, but I can since my child was plowed down at least twice. Speaking of goals, I think that half the time the ball made it into the net, it was by accident or with their hands. Totally cool with me.

The most entertaining part for me was taking a moment to observe all the kids, not just my own. It's so easy for me to get caught up in what my kid is doing that I obsess over what he could be doing differently or (as much as I hate to admit this) better. I am usually very good at remembering what is age appropriate and what is not, but sometimes I need a little reminder, or slap in the face.

So I looked around.

One kid was literally crying hysterically. I couldn't figure out why, but man oh man, could this boy cry because he cried the whole game. Actually, come to think of it, there were a lot of kids crying. Seriously, I don't blame them. Talk about overwhelming. Plus, I'm a cryer, so I would probably be crying and clinging to my moms leg if I had been thrown into soccer at 3 years old. Then there were the daydreamers. Octavian falls into this category (is it bad that i'm categorizing the kids? It is, isn't it? Don't hate me, I'm just telling you what I saw). Anyway, the daydreamers were the ones who literally, (no literally, you guys) didn't know what to do when the ball hit them in the face (or leg or arm). These kids usually ran around the field pretending to be an airplane, would get distracted by birds (and run to tell the coach about it- oh yes, this was my child) or think it's fun to run and get caught up in the net (also my kid). So we have some kids crying, some kids flying and birdwatching (and later picking flowers- yep, also my child), and then, of course, the kids who are actually playing the game.

Pure comedy.

Joking aside, Octavian did well for his first soccer game. With tons of encouragement from his coach and dad and me (and equal amounts of bribery for awesome snacks and an after soccer play date) he even got in the game a kicked the ball a few times before getting discouraged/annoyed/plowed down/unmotivated and resuming his flower picking or team switching (he liked to go over and sit with the other team?).

Now, with soccer games, come snacks. You guys, having ample snacks for your kid after soccer practice and soccer games is mandatory. Kids go crazy for snacks on the laziest of days, so you can only imagine soccer days. Kids are also incredibly picky. Ok, my kid is incredibly picky. The boy love his snacks, but he'll only eat certain ones. Crackers and carbs are not his thing, my child likes meat and fruit. Unfortunately, I'd rather not carry around a rotisserie chicken in my purse for two hours and on super hot sunny days, I would have to drag a cooler around to keep fruit cool and fresh. I'm already chasing him around, let's not add a chicken and cooler to the mix. 

Then I realized, snack meat! Duh!! Ok, confession, I didn't come up with this on my own. Lorissa's Kitchen asked me to try their meat snacks and write a little post for you guys sharing my thoughts and stuff. THEN it hit me- chicken, beef, pork (MEAT!) is the perfect snack for my meat-loving child! It packs easily and can go anywhere.

But, here's the thing. I wasn't going to feed my kid...rubbish. The ingredients needed to be ligit.

  So, upon further inspection here's some important info about the meat from Lorissa's Kitchen,

• 100% grass-fed beef • Responsibly raised • Antibiotic free chicken and pork • 11 grams of protein per serving • No added growth hormones • No nitrites • No added MSG • No preservatives • Gluten free

And, they come in FOUR different meat snacking options- 

Korean Barbecue Beef Ginger Teriyaki Chicken Sweet Chili Pork Szechuan Peppercorn Beef

Octavian was a HUGE fan of the Ginger Teriyaki Chicken with his second fav being the Sweet Chili Pork. He practically ate the entire bag after his game. I don't know about you guys, but I would much rather he fill up on protein than sugar packed snacks and empty carbs. With that said, I don't want him to ever feel like he's "missing out" - after all this can lead to overcompensation when he's older. So, when I find snacks like this, snacks that are both healthy and he loves, it makes me very very happy (and my life a ton easier).

Since I also promised him a little post-soccer playdate, I thought it would be fun to incorporate our new favorite snack in a kid friendly Charcuterie Board. Instead of fancy (expensive) meats that go bad when they sit out for too long, I added several varieties of Lorissa's Kitchen meat snacks. Those who eat meat my have some, and those who don't can eat something else.

You guys, the kids went crazy when they saw it (and so did the adults ;)

Now, if you're thinking that is too fancy for kids, or, that is so unsanitary with kids being so dirty!  I will say this... Kids are disgusting, no matter how you look at it. Put it on a platter for kids to share or on separate plates, somehow it will all get mixed together anyway. Of course, I set out some paper plates and bowls and made the gross little monsters wash their hands :)

Charcuterie Board (for Kids!!) with Lorissa's Kitchen

Prep Time: 15-30 minutes | Cook Time: 0 minutes Total Time: 15-30 minutes Servings: varies Categories: Appetizers, Chicken + Pork, Entertaining, How To:, Kid Approved!, Meat, Motherhood, Sauce + Dip, Sponsored, Side Dish + Vegetable, Snacks, Spring + Summer

Ingredients

2-3 bags Lorissa's Kitchen meat snacks Hummus Vegetables- carrot sticks, sliced cucumber, cherry tomatoes Chips Crackers,  Pretzels/Cookies Hazelnut Chocolate Butter Cheese Slices Fruit- what's in season

Instructions

Prepare ingredients and assemble.

Enjoy!

Click here for your chance to WIN FREE Lorissa's Kitchen meat snacks :)

or, for a limited time, Visit Amazon to get 20% off your Lorissa's purchase.