#I saw John mulaney last year and it was also great

[kangals]

I couldn’t take any pics bc they did the thing where you have to put your phone in a locked case, but for a birthday present I got to go see Jon Stewart doing stand-up last night and it was so fun!! He was hilarious and as someone who’s been watching the daily show for about 20 years now it was super cool to watch an in-person show :’)

[timeagainreviews]

Mining Gold

In his 2012 stand-up special “New In Town,” John Mulaney quipped that he “always thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be.” This sentiment seems to have rung true with people online. Quicksand was such a big deal in media in the ‘80s and ‘90s. Who could forget Westley jumping headlong into quicksand to save Buttercup in “The Princess Bride?” Remember the first time you saved Mario from sinking deep into golden sands? Yet in real life, very little quicksand. While I am sure there are parts of the world that grapple with quicksand, it’s more of a trope than anything. Trapping our heroes allows storytellers to show who these characters are under pressure. While Doctor Who has its share of great escapes, it’s also prone to using capture to pad time. But isn’t that a cynical view? Can’t trapping our heroes also give the narrative a moment to breathe?

Quicksand is the perfect type of trap because it’s a ticking clock that must be treated with attention and care. Characters must slow down and assess their situation. It’s odd then that Doctor Who has never used quicksand in the show proper. But it’s just a placeholder. You could throw someone into the Timelash. The Fourth Doctor had to shoot a rope while standing over a pit of horda. Or again with the Fourth Doctor when he stepped on a landmine. But that last one is different, isn’t it? The horda and Timelash are as real as the Swamp of Sandness and the Bog of Eternal Stench. But landmines are very real. And in some parts of the world, a horrific day-to-day reality.

Returning after a seven-year absence, Steven Moffat brings the Doctor back into the minefield with “Boom.” But unlike Doctor Who’s last episode named after an explosive onomatopoeia, “Kerblam!”, this episode aims to chastise capitalism’s role in atrocity, not give it a free pass. Also making a comeback are a few Moffat staples- Villengard, the Anglican Marines, and stupid children. Each does their part to build a narrative mirroring the current political climate. But have any of Moffat’s less celebrated qualities returned along with him? Will he fall into his own trappings as a writer? Is this trope just padding out time? Or can a bottle episode become an instant classic?

Coming off the heels of last week’s manic “The Devil’s Chord,” the show was due a bit of a breather. While I’m all for bombast it’s nice to know this thing has an off switch. I already saw someone on Instagram who disagrees wholeheartedly. In their words “Boom? More like BORING,” so I imagine this one won’t be popular among dullards and the chronically contrarian crowd. But as an old, I appreciated the slower pacing and the emphasis on emotion. If you need a constant source of laser swords and loud noises, allow me to quote the Third Doctor- “Don't worry, Brigadier. People will be shooting at you soon.” Luckily, Billy No-Mates and his five Instagram followers appear to be in the minority. Most everyone I’ve talked to absolutely loved this episode.

The one issue I’ve seen fans bring up that holds any kind of water has been the conversation around faith. The inclusion of the Anglican Marines introduces a religious angle that some have criticised as preachy and offensive. In the past Moffat has used the Anglicans to various ends. Spanning across two centuries, the Anglicans we’ve met so far have come in numerous forms. Sometimes they’re allies of the Doctor, and at other times, they’re a fanatic organisation hellbent on stopping the Doctor at every turn. This time, however, the Doctor and they cross paths presumably by happenstance. (More on why I say presumably later.) This group of Marines are already in a deep conflict with an elusive enemy, which they appear to be losing. Despite these losses, they keep their faith. But it’s hard to keep faith when your enemy is as invisible as your god.

The two soldiers we’re introduced to are Carson and John Francis Vater. Not as in they’re married like the Fat One and the Thin One couple from “A Good Man Goes To War,” but rather that Carson only gets the one name. As names go, John Francis Vater is akin to purple hair in an anime- total protagonist vibes. Vater even has a daughter named Splice living back on base. He has a cute “save the cat,” moment when he tells Splice to brush her manky teeth. Which is why when he dies, it feels like there’s still more to his story. Unfortunately for Carson, he exists to illustrate the way the Villengard smartmines on Kastarion 3 operate. As it turns out, it’s pretty quick, rather violent, and kind of pretty. Even more unfortunately for Vader, he is now essentially lost as Carson was acting as his eyes due to temporary blindness.

It’s never really explained why the Doctor and Ruby are parked on the planet. Presumably, it’s the Doctor doing his usual “land wherever and explore,” approach. But it’s the death of Vater that draws the Doctor and Ruby into the action. After lifting the veil from his injured eyes, Vater’s injury draws the attention of a Villengard Automated Ambulance Unit with the video face of Susan Twist. Having assessed that Vater’s recovery time would be too big of a drain on resources the ambulance terminates him. The Doctor comes running at the sound of Vater’s scream but finds nothing but an empty crater and a smartmine under his right foot. It’s the inclusion of Susan Twist here that makes me wonder if this isn’t part of some greater plan. Pretty obvious, really. Also, didn’t a big portion of Moffat’s last episode also take place in a crater?

The Doctor’s voice carries out along the horizon with a mournful rendition of “The Skye Boat Song.” It tells of the journey Bonnie Prince Charles took from Benbecula to Skye after his defeat at the Battle of Culloden, thus spelling the end for the Jacobites. This worked for me on several fronts. As a fan of the Second Doctor, I admired the nod to his past. I also enjoyed the reference to Ncuti Gatwa’s Scottish identity. The forlorn quality of his singing reminded me of the Master playing the Skye Boat Song in “The Power of the Doctor,” which was one of the better parts of that story. I was also grateful that they didn’t undercut the tension with a pop song, or something truly cringe, like quoting from Harry Potter.

The Doctor is singing to calm himself and hopefully delay the bomb until he can come up with a new plan. But it’s this singing that draws Ruby to his location. Together the two of them must move their bodies in sync to a rhythm so the Doctor can rest his leg. In yet another contrast to “The Devil’s Chord,” music is being used in an entirely different manner. But this time, the Doctor’s dance partner, Ruby Sunday, is less complimentary and more complicated. The Doctor faces death all the time, but seeing Ruby put in harm’s way raises the Doctor’s blood pressure. The adrenaline becomes harder to control. And his bio-signs become easier for the smartmine to detect. Because of this, the Doctor’s emotions are raw and prickly, another stark contrast from last week. He chastises Ruby for not doing as he tells her, but she ignores him because she’s got her own ideas about what she is and isn’t allowed to do. I was getting shades of Amy Pond from Ruby in this one, and considering the author, that makes sense.

If you’ve ever heard me say that I wanted the chance for Jodie Whittaker to get mean, or show anger, this is precisely the kind of depiction of the Doctor I meant. In many ways, Ncuti is the same brand of golden retriever adorable as Whittaker, only here they’ve allowed him to show that he’s capable of a depth of emotion. The Doctor has an authoritarian streak that he hides well, but in times of stress, the walls begin to fall away and you see the complicated Time Lord underneath the fish fingers and custard, the floppy hair, and the eccentric fit. This is exactly the kind of episode I wanted to see Ncuti get to do. I’ve seen him deal with heavy subjects in “Sex Education,” I’m glad they didn’t just hire him because he’s hot and dripping charisma. He’s also incredibly capable of going into dark places.

While looking for a rock to help the Doctor balance his dangling left leg, Ruby happens upon the “smelted,” remains of Vater. The Ambulance sort of formed and condensed Vater’s body into a tube shape topped with a nameplate and a hologram projector containing an AI facsimile of Vater’s consciousness. And I’ll say it because everyone’s waiting for me to say it- it’s an actual fleshlight. There, I said the thing. Are you happy? Is this what you wanted from me? Are you not entertained? I’d like to pretend I was so wrapped up in the episode that I didn’t think it, but I absolutely did. It’s VOR all over again. I got over it pretty fast.

That’s the way good Doctor Who goes, really. The little hang-ups are more like snags when you’re moving along. It’s easier to look past the nitpicks and grievances when there’s so much more at play. When Doctor Who is bad, all it has are its nitpicks and grievances and that’s a real sadness when that happens because we’re no longer watching Doctor Who, we’re watching the background go by. We’re admiring the wallpaper because just because the writers phoned it in, doesn’t mean the set designers did. But this is Doctor Who firing on all cylinders.

We are however getting into the realm of one of my nitpicks about this episode and that’s Splice. Because she lost her mother, her dad, Vater, has special permission to let her live on base. The issue I have is that I wasn’t joking earlier when I said she’s stupid. I don’t say this to badmouth the little girl playing her, as she was good. I also don’t mean to denigrate the script. What I don’t understand is why is she so old? That may seem like a weird question because kids come in all sorts of ages, but this one is little kids stupid. I found it hard to believe that a girl of her age would confuse a hologram for her father. I get that she might be fooled by the voice and I can even believe that she would be foolish enough to wander into a battlefield to find him, but I’ve never once seen my dad looking like a translucent blue hologram. This is why I say she’s too old. An older kid would have figured it out. They should have either changed her dialogue or cast someone younger. Otherwise, she’s a perfectly fine character.

Splice’s emotional reaction draws the attention of another Anglican Marine named Mundy Flynn. Immediately my Whovian brain was doing backflips at the sudden appearance of Varada Sethu. For those of you not in the know, Sethu is planned to be a companion in season 2 next year. Seeing her this early was very exciting. Was this an Oswin Oswald scenario or a Martha’s cousin dying at Canary Warf scenario? Did they enjoy working with Varada so much that they created a character for her in the next season or is this some wibbly wobbly sort of thing? Well, as it turns out, it’s a wibbly wobbly thing. I didn’t learn this from the show, however. I learned it from Doctor Who’s social media. And honestly, I really wish they’d have just left us to wonder on this one. Would it have killed them to leave an air of mystery around her character? There’s still a bit of mystery, but I feel like they’re holding people’s hands a bit too much. I guess they’re afraid people’s imaginations will run too wild and we’ll set ourselves up for disappointment. They know who their audience is. But still, I like the not knowing part. I like the speculation.

Mundy sees the Doctor holding the remains of Vater and commands him to drop them. But if the Doctor drops the remains, he risks setting off the mine. But even worse, if the mine goes off, it will turn him into the explosion. The Doctor refers to himself as a ”complex spacetime event,” indicating that if he were to explode, it could take out half of the planet. But Mundy isn’t convinced and tries to shoot the Doctor’s arm to make him drop the tube. Sensing combat, the Ambulance bots start looking for the injured to either heal or put out of their misery. Releasing her mistake, Mundy commands Ruby to shoot her in the arm in order to draw the ambulance away from the Doctor, but in her hesitation, Ruby is mistaken for an enemy and shot by Mundy’s comrade Canto who arrives late on the scene.

While we’re on the subject of Ruby, I wanted to point out that I found it a bit odd that Kastarion 3 was her first experience on an alien planet. Sure this is only her fourth adventure onscreen, but we were told in The Devil’s Chord that six months had passed. Granted, Rose Tyler spent an entire season having earthbound adventures with the Ninth Doctor, so there’s an explanation. I have to tip my hat to their attention to detail here as not even the Doctor Who Magazine comics have taken her off-world. I guess “Space Babies,” kind of counts. Just something I felt worth mentioning.

Not only has Ruby now died, but the Doctor learns that even if he does dupe the smartmine into thinking he’s not a living person, it will eventually detonate by default. The only way to stop this is now outside of the Doctor’s control, sort of. He must convince Mundy to surrender. Since the mine belongs to the Anglican Marines, only their surrender will disarm the device. Otherwise- boom. The Doctor explains to Mundy that the war they’re fighting is with themselves. The Villengard algorithm has been tricking the Marines into attacking themselves to keep them buying their product. It’s a war being waged against nothing all in the pursuit of profit.

Mundy asks the Doctor for proof which is where the Doctor’s stance on faith comes into play. But I feel like the actual conversation the Doctor is having in that moment is that faith is both a good and a bad thing. It’s not that he’s saying it’s bad for someone to have faith in God, but that it’s bad to let faith do your thinking for you. Splice has faith in her daddy. The Doctor and Ruby have faith in one another. Faith can strengthen us as people. But when it’s used to justify not considering deeper truths, it’s a hindrance. I feel like this is very in line with things we’ve heard the Fourth and Tenth Doctor’s say about religion in the past. I will admit though, I am an atheist, so I can’t speak from the perspective of a person with faith.

When Mundy tries to send evidence back to command, it’s intercepted by the algorithm and overruled. The machine has taken over and the smirking face of Susan Twist shows no signs of compassion leaking through. But with the Doctor connected to the machine and his hand connected to the remains of Vater, he’s able to send Vater into the algorithm. As Vater battles the ghost in the machine, I was reminded of “The Doctor’s Wife,” when the TARDIS re-enters her body and destroys House from the inside. In fact, lots of this episode reminded me of previous Doctor Who. The short war fought on the basis of a lie reminded me of “The Doctor’s Daughter.” The message about unchecked capitalism reminded me of “Oxygen.”  And of course there’s the mine calling back to Tom Baker in “Genesis of the Daleks.” Lots of what Ncuti was doing this week reminded me of Tom Baker and I mean that as the utmost compliment. He was doing stellar work here.

This episode had me grinning from ear to ear for the entirety of its runtime. But it wasn’t until after that I realised what it was that had me so happy. Sure, the episode was good, but I realised that it was the first time in the last 5 or 6 years that I had enjoyed a new Doctor Who episode without a giant asterisk hanging overhead. I cried tears of joy during “The Woman Who Fell to Earth,” but that was excitement for Jodie. My opinion of the episode itself was quite low. I enjoyed “The Witchfinders,” (also how cool was that reference to it in this episode?) and I enjoyed “It Takes You Away,” but I loved “Boom.” Without any hesitation, I absolutely loved it.

While the RTD2 era has been a marked improvement, I have had a few reservations. Mostly that it has so far felt like they’ve been trying way too hard. Trying too hard to have fun. Trying too hard to be funny. Trying too hard to be action-packed. I hope that the people in charge have seen the fan reaction to Boom for what it is. You don’t need massive budgets. You can do smaller stories with simple sets. The fans will respond well when you nail the tone and writing. Even Ncuti Gatwa said that while he was confused the entire time shotting the episode, it ended up being his favourite of the season. This felt like the most Doctor Who episode of Doctor Who that I’ve watched since Moffat left, and I’m including the new Davies stuff in there. This is what I meant when I said I wish Davies would chill the fuck out. Stop trying so hard.

Where this falls short for me is it highlights how insular the show has been since it returned. Eight episodes, six by the same writer, one by a former showrunner, and the remaining one is shared by two new authors. Why? I’ll be honest, Davies has never been my favourite Doctor Who writer. He’s a strong producer who writes people well. But when it comes to his episodes, other than “Midnight,” he’s never written one I would call a favourite. This is just a personal preference. When they announced his return, I was more excited for a return to competence than a return to classic writing. We could use new blood in the writer’s room. Even Chris Chibnall could see that, and he did hire some pretty good talent. My two favourite episodes from his era are written by people new to the show. More of that, please.

In truth, bringing Moffat back was a good choice. Unlike Davies, Moffat has written some of my favourite Doctor Who. And as with most anyone who has written the shear volume of Doctor Who as he has, he’s also written some of my least favourite Doctor Who. It’s bound to happen at that level of output. He’s not a writer without problems. His writing of female characters leaves something to be desired. But Moffat writing under a different showrunner, with an editor? Total Chad material. Some of the best. If they kept bringing him back like this every year or so, I would absolutely love it. Especially because it would continue to leave room for new talent.

With Vater in the machine, the ambulance revives Ruby. Sadly, Mundy’s love, Canto, dies just as he proclaims his love for her. This part was a bit shallow in that it was barely set up and felt like loss for the sake of loss. As Jean Cocteau once said “Emotion resulting from a work of art is only of value when it is not obtained by sentimental blackmail.” So it’s a bit difficult to feel sorry for Mundy here, but it’s not completely void of an emotional core. It’s nice that Splice has a new caretaker in Mundy, and that’s as happy an ending as we need. What’s more important is the emotional depths we’ve experienced with the Fifteenth Doctor and Ruby. This was the moment when they were solidified for me as characters. I needed this episode. Not so much to show me that the Ncuti and Millie could do it, I knew they could. But rather to show me that the show could still do it. That RTD was still up to the task of delivering us something more than progressive happy fun. We’re not beyond the realm of complexity. And with that, I can relax a little. What else ya got, Davies?

[markcampbells]

~9 People You'd Like to Know Better <3

Thank you so much for tagging me @lenievi!

last song: "Sedated" by Hozier, which is on my "On Repeat" playlist on Spotify. (Spotify classed me as a Comfort Listener last year because I like to listen to the same things over and over. #john mulaney "and we were like we know but hey!!") At the moment I'm actually listening to the most recent episode of The Flop House, my favorite podcast.

favourite colour: Literally everyone I know has NEVER been able to pin this down for me, so I guess I give off mixed vibes, but I will say purple if pressed, with blue a close second. People close to me have also thought pink, so you know, just say the bi flag and we'll call it a day.

currently watching: I've been procrastinating on watching the last two episodes of Trigun Stampede because I know the emotions that lie ahead of me. I also recently started watching The Clone Wars because I'd like to make my way through it eventually. I haven't really been in a TV mood of late? So not too much. I do hope to watch the Netflix One Piece soon just to give it a try.

last movie: I saw Bottoms in theaters on Tuesday! It was the one of the most unhinged comedies I had ever seen, LOL. I really liked it overall and the bloopers at the end were particularly funny.

currently reading: I'm towards the end of The Lookback Window by Kyle Dillon Hertz, and for Sapphic September, I'm reading Tess Sharpe's 6 Times We Almost Kissed (and One Time We Did), which is a play on five times and slow burn fics. The former is very heavy content-wise and the latter unfortunately deals heavily with some triggering stuff for me, so I've been working through them slowly. I'm also working my way through Trigun Maximum and a DC Comics compilation about Poison Ivy.

sweet/spicy/savory: Sweet! I do like savory stuff like sausage, meat pies, etc., as well, but I don't like mixing flavor profiles. I'm too white to really appreciate spicy, LOL.

relationship status: Very, very, very single. I'd like to be in a relationship within the next few years but right now my anxiety hasn't been dealing so great with the prospect.

current obsession: An unholy mix of Final Fantasy VII and Trigun, which I later learned from Lizard was a common pipeline. :p

last thing i googled: A drawing tutorial, and a sidequest page for Fallout: New Vegas, one of the games I'm playing at the moment.

currently working on: I've been absolutely awful at consistently working on a WIP lately, but I've been working on a piece for my OCs where three of them have traveled back to one of their hometowns for a funeral. Cheery, right?

Absolutely no pressure tagging @mrsmunsons @excavatinglizard @weethreequarter @lokilenchen @thank-god-and-you and anyone else who'd like to do it, feel free to snag it!

[kitchfit]

Year in Review: Movies Part 1

I don't have that great of an attention span. If its something I am invested in I can spend hours upon hours reading or playing through it until I get a headache telling me its time for bed, but if something doesn't hook me after around 30 minutes I'm probably turning it off or putting it down for a bit. It is for this reason I don't finish a lot of movies unless there is another reason to watch through it all. Usually that means watching it with other people. If there aren't friends to help me finish this movie it's probably going back in the case, which I think is true for all but one movie on this list.

Glass Onion

Knives Out is one of my favorite movies of all time. I've not read any of Agatha Christie's works which is who Benoit Blanc is largely parodying, but I do love other things inspired by her such as Columbo, and the first movie is a stellar deconstruction of that genre, while still providing an engaging mystery. I saw this movie's baby brother at the dawn of the New Year alongside my cousin, both fervently pushing out trope appropriate theories only to be completely wrong at the twist ending in plain sight.

This sequel is not anything as elegant as the first, but still seeks to deconstruct mystery tropes in a very similar fashion. The mastermind behind a series of murders or even one murder is a role often given to rich, suave, and intelligent people of high standing. It is this role that Edward Norton's character sees himself as, but while he is a rich dude of high standing, he is a more realistic rich dude than most murder mystery antagonists; that is, an arrogant dumbass who got where he is by manipulating and screwing over everyone he can. He wants to be complex while being transparently simple. Also he smells. LIKE AN ONION. WHOA. ONE MADE OUT OF GLASS. THANKS JOHN LEMON.

A Silent Voice

A good way to get me to watch a movie until the end is to make it animated, that way even if its boring as all hell I still get to look at some pretty art. That's not the case with this movie. I first watched this on a bus ride when I was sixteen with one earphone on while the girl next to me held it up on her phone. That was a good memory, but seeing the gorgeous animation on the big screen was a nice treat.

I love the dynamic between the two main characters. I wouldn't say this movie is a romance in any real sense of the term, but is about a relationship. Both of these kids spend most of their adolescence admonishing themselves for hurting the other, believing everyone hates them for what happened when they were 10. This is especially tragic for Shouko, the deaf girl who did literally nothing besides exist and try to make friends. The fact that she blames herself for her bully becoming ostracized is even played as a twist, but its a very realistic mindset anyone can fall into. The theme is forgiveness of the self after others have already forgiven you, which can be pretty tough to do, especially when you've done some genuinely shitty stuff.

I also showed this movie to my mom, an ASL instructor and translator, cause I thought it might be interesting for her, but she lost interest and fell asleep after she realized it was JSL and couldn't understand it.

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

My friends were freaking out about this film, one of them going so far as to watch it like six separate times within the span of a couple weeks. This made me expect it to blow my mind, but it was just a very well written, beautifully animated movie about a cat coming to terms with its own death. I think the drought of movies with good writing from mainstream studios really elevated this one further than it would have normally. It was nice to return to this character, having grown up with the Shrek films, and doubly nice to see his character arc being used to discuss a serious topic in a healthy way.

The central conflict is the most compelling aspect of the story, the John Mulaney villain and Goldilocks subplot are funny and entertaining, but the effectiveness of Death as the main antagonist is genius. The Shrek universe has always been a conglomeration of fairytales and folktales brought to one setting, and who is most common death metaphor than the big bad wolf? Or I'm sorry. Not a metaphor. He's just Death. Straight up. You don't outrun death or win against it in any meaningful capacity, and the story could only end with Puss' acceptance that he will die. There's no Sisypussing his way out of this one. Pussyphusing? Pfft.

X-Men: First Class

My dad and I decided to watch through every X-Men movie earlier this year. We managed two of them. They're good movies, most of them at least, but marathoning all *looks at watch* eleven films just never came to fruition. This one might be in my top 3 for X-Men movies, though. Xavier and Magneto's relationship has always been the most interesting part of these films, and this movie puts it front and center. Xavier's focus on helping his friend make peace with his traumatic past is something so genuinely sweet that ultimately empowers his greatest enemy. It's this understanding they have with each other, established in this movie, that underlines every interaction they have in the future.

The rest of this movie is pretty standard origin story stuff for the ensemble cast. How the Beast Became Blue. How Mystique Stopped Pretending and Became Her True Blue Self. How the Guy Who's Power is To Never Die, Died. It's fun for what it is but overall pretty generic.

X-Men: Days of Future Past

This is also one of the better X-Men films, not sure if I'd put it in the top 3, but there's enough time travel nonsense in this movie to make me giddy. I love paradoxical bullshit. This movie works as both a direct sequel to First Class, while also working in the continuity of the first 7 or so films. It's the Apocalypse, baby! Okay, not that Apocalypse, I still haven't seen that one, but we are introduced to one of the more famous fascist genocidal hellscapes to come out of Marvel comics. The story starts at the very end of this murderous crusade, only a handful of mutants are still alive, grouped together as a unit in some abandoned... temple bunker? I'm sure this is explained somewhere in the movie, but it makes a cool setting to fight for your life in.

Most of the plot, however, takes place in the 70s. It was a big twist in the comics that the girl who can walk through space without hindrance can also walk through time the same way, but in this movie Kitty Pryde can only send other people into their past selves, meaning it's once again Wolverine's turn to take the spotlight, because Hugh Jackman is more expensive than Elliot Page. It makes less sense, but this movie still has a lot of fun jumping between the past and future versions of established characters. Angry, passionate Magneto in his 30s vs the wizened Sir Ian McKellen Magneto. At some point the X Man himself gets to talk directly to his depressed, 70s incarnation. Not to mention Quicksilver is there, which is always nice.

This was the "Rogue Cut," which adds cut content about Rogue infiltrating a sentry factory to blow it up. The new stuff doesn't add a lot, but I did like her character from earlier films, so it was cool to see her again.

Shrek

After the joy of obsessing over Puss in Boots: The Last Wish, one of my friends insisted that we all catch up on the deep lore of the franchise, and go through every Shrek movie in order. Unlike with X-Men, we succeeded in one marathon through them all. The dude who suggested this also made the assertion that PiB: Wish was the first Shrek film to feature blood and cursing. This is patently false and I took immense pleasure in proving him wrong. *whispers* Shrek says ass within the first twenty minutes, don't tell mom!

The first movie got memed on quite a bit, but I think most people have come around to enjoying it in a genuine sense. It's a cute love story with a good message and funny fard jokes. I don't think the gross-out humor really oversteps in bounds, and it would feel pretty bizarre in hindsight if a movie like Shrek ever toned that stuff down. There were a lot of movies with "fairytales come to life and their rude and goofy," as their premise, (think Hoodwinked, another fun movie) but I think the style of the Shrek world comes off in the most endearing way. Or maybe that's just nostalgia talking.

Shrek 2

I have the soundtrack of this movie embedded into my skull. I had the CD growing up and would make my mom play it in the car on the way to primary school ad nauseum. I also had the entire movie with incredibly compressed graphics on my GBA. This classic film is synonymous with my early childhood, and it holds up really well. It's shorter than I remembered, but I think that's just because it's so expertly paced.

It also introduces our favorite fearless hero, who blends effortlessly into the main cast. All of the character's play off of each other really well, actually. The gags of a royal knight planting catnip on Puss or Gingy yelling "IT'S A THONG" to get Pinocchio to lie still get me. Not to mention the perfect fight scene scored by "I Need a Hero." Every studio with rights to that song have been chasing that high ever since.

Shrek the Third

Some people hate this movie with genuine vile and malice in their hearts. Maybe that's harsh. It definitely doesn't match the highs of either of the first two, but I still enjoyed it a lot as a kid and had a good time with it now. My friend noted that the first half of this film has a lot of funny gags that peter out in the second half, where the focus is on Shrek's complicated feelings on fatherhood. There are moments in the movie where I can tell it can't decide whether to write a scene with appropriate drama or make a stupid joke, which is odd as the first one balanced those aspects pretty elegantly.

This movie does have a sequence where the classic fairytale princesses learn martial arts from Julie Andrews and kick the bark covered asses of the trees from Wizard of Oz, all to the beat of Barracuda. Disney could never. I also like that Prince Charming takes a more central role as antagonist in the story this time around, which feels very appropriate for the setting. Justin Timberlake is here too I guess. Damn, I forgot about him. Sorry Justin.

Shrek the Final Chapter

This movie came out when I believed myself toooo olllllllld and MATURE for silly animated movies with farting in them. I had grown, and was ready for stuff like *looks at movies that came out 2010* MEGAMIND, an even sillier animated movie with still probably several fart jokes. I had a bunch of reasons for disliking this one when it came out, but I don't really recall any of them. This movie is pretty wild upon revisiting. Shrek pulls a It's a Wonderful Life with Rumpelstiltskin and is pulled into an alternate universe fanfiction where he never existed, joins an Ogre resistance and tries to get his wife to fall in love with him again. It's such a goofy premise with some fairly well constructed dramatic moments. It's also very good 3D animation for its time, which might be consistent with the rest of the series.

There's a scene where Rumpelstiltskin jumps off a ledge and makes a weird noise that I cannot for the life of me find on youtube, but it sticks in my brain for some reason. He's a pretty fun villain, overall, all of his scenes made me laugh. I think we watched the other Puss in Boots movie after this, but I fell asleep. Sorry Justin.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife

This franchise got reimagined with a new cast a few years ago, and for some reason became a controversial focus of American politics for several weeks. I mean not for some reason, it was really just sexism. Women? Fighting ghosts??? Only men fight ghosts in real life, everyone knows that. This movie, on the other hand, is a direct sequel to the original film and also didn't come out during an election year, so even though Girls do be Fighting Ghosts in this one, there was less outrage around it. It's a fun homage to the original, but doesn't acknowledge the original Ghostbusters 2 in the least, and that movie genuinely freaked me out as a kid with its pink slime that kills you.

The film focuses on the very autistic granddaughter of the late and famously autistic member of the original cast, Egon. She's a delightful protagonist throughout the story, working with the ghost of her grandfather to uncover the truth behind the natural disasters plaguing her Podunk town. There are also some fun new ghost designs our child heroes have to overcome. The supporting cast is serviceable, mostly focused around Finn Wolfhard and Paul Rudd's eternal struggle to get dates before the world is eaten by Gozer, or whoever. There's a lot of nostalgia bait in this movie. The OG Ghostbusters even make a Deus Ex Machina style cameo, saving Baby Egon at the last moment aside a CGI Harold Ramis that did get me to tear up a little. This whole movie was dedicated to him, which is sweet.

Kingdom Hearts: Back Cover

Remember when I said I was done talking about Kingdom Hearts for this year? No? You haven't been reading these? That's okay, I was lying anyway. As part of my full bodily integration into this series, I watched the entirety of the KH Union X Cutscenes interspersed with clips from the Back Cover movie in order of the proper timeline of events. This is probably the sanest way to experience this story. The original has you play a mobile game where you are updated on the plot every ten or so boring ass missions and then watch the movie as a companion piece. It's a pretty engaging narrative by KH standards, but its told in the most batshit way possible, which I guess is also up to KH standards. You can watch it here, if the embeds work:

The first part of this story focuses on a member of the Keyblade Guilds, who is slowly encroaching upon the reality that the organization they're apart of is tearing itself apart. All of the Guild Masters are in conflict over a potential traitor, and this suspicion eventually spirals into an entire war. The Master of these Masters, or MoM, is largely implied to have orchestrated the entire event. The second half focuses on the fallout from that war as the surviving Guild members try to escape the end of the world.

I got pretty attached to several of the characters and their ultimate fate, but I think this could have worked better as a TV show rather than a REALLY BORING MOBILE GAME. I guess you can watch it as a TV show, if you watch the video above in 30 minute chunks, and if you're okay with beautiful 3D animated cutscenes transitioning into kind of stale sprite art at random.

Alright ending this here. I didn't finish this on Friday as I had some other Things going on, so we're in for a double feature! Hopefully, I'll continue on the games list which will be out this evening. I'm writing these ahead of time so who knows???

[rookie-critic]

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022, dir. Joel Crawford) - review by Rookie-Critic

I can't believe I'm saying this, but Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is, legitimately, one of the best movies of the year. It is pure in its love for animation and easily one of the most enjoyable theater experiences I've had in 2022. I wasn't even going to see it. I haven't seen any other Puss in Boots movies or series and have only seen the first 3 Shrek films (maybe only the first 2), so I thought that would be a barrier for entry, but it absolutely isn't. You can jump headfirst into this movie knowing absolutely nothing and have a wonderful time. I've also never been the biggest fan of this particular franchise, and thought that this would be an easy skip because of that, but then reviews started pouring in and they were all overwhelmingly positive which, of course, piqued my interest. Even still, when I sat down in my seat at the theater I was skeptical; I thought I would have some fun, laugh at the jokes, and go an a quasi-entertaining adventure with a character that I didn't really care a whole lot about before now. What I ended up getting was not only an absolute laugh-riot, but an animated film that digs deep into death anxiety and has a larger narrative about found family, trust, and, as cliché as this is going to sound, the power of friendship.

The cast is great and surprisingly stacked (Salma Hayek, Florence Pugh, Olivia Colman, and John Mulaney all have major roles), but the obvious standouts are Antonio Banderas and Harvey Guillén. Banderas has been playing Puss in Boots fairly regularly since 2004, so it's no surprise he is effortlessly perfect as the character at this point, but Harvey Guillén (who you might know as the lovable Guillermo from FX's What We Do in the Shadows) really shines and holds his own as a hopeful therapy dog that Puss comes across early on in the story. They play off each other expertly and contribute to a lot of the film's funniest moments. The humor is second-to-none, with comedic timing and sequences that are some of the most cleverly written I've seen in a long time. I'm pretty sure I was either laughing or grinning ear-to-ear for most of the movie from the moment it started to the moment the credits rolled. When I wasn't laughing, I was slack-jawed and dumbfounded by either the amazing animation quality or the incredibly heartfelt story.

The animation is absolutely bonkers in this film, from CG animation that blows most other modern 3D-animated movies out of the water to stylized animation slightly akin to what we saw out of Into the Spider-Verse back in 2018. The CG, especially when it comes to the unbelievably expressive faces of the animal characters, is mind-blowing. There are times I was staring in disbelief at the screen, not because of any big major action sequence, but because Kitty Softpaws gave Puss in Boots a knowing glance that broke right through the Uncanny Valley to look almost real. Although the action sequences are nothing to scoff at, either, with changes in animation style so subtle and weaved in that you barely even notice it's different, just that it looks amazing. As far as the story goes, I really can't say anything plot-wise because I absolutely do not want to spoil this for anyone, but just know that Puss in Boots: The Last Wish got this 29-year-old to tear up. Multiple times. It's beyond beautiful and I can't heap enough praise onto the film makers and animators for creating a movie that had absolutely no right being this great.

When I got home from the theater and was talking to some friends on Discord about it, I was really trying to find anything, even one thing that I disliked. A single complaint. The only thing I could come up with was that the auto-tune on Antonio Banderas' singing in the opening musical number of the film is very noticeable. That's the worst complaint I can even think to lob at Puss in Boots: The Last Wish. This movie is incredible and everyone should see it. Full stop.

Score: 10/10

Currently only in theaters.

[anika-ann]

3+1 (Un)Wanted Mistletoe Encounters

Type: One-shot, Reader Insert               Word count: 4200

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary:  Kissing under the mistletoe is one of the most famous Christmas traditions; so obviously, it is not Christmas without it at the Tower.

Unfortunately for the occupants, you are not fond of the tradition – at all. 

...or are you?

Warnings: cliché trope, pushy Pietro, discussion of dub-con I guess, language, fluff

A/N: Idea born from this video where John Mulaney says: “If any decoration needs to be MeToo’ed…” and goes on.

Beatiful divider by firefly-graphics

1.

You were no Grinch.

In fact, you actually liked Christmas and the Holiday season, you enjoyed both giving and receiving and you appreciated when people found time to spend it together, whether in their own family circle or with their chosen one.

But. There was one significant ‘but’.

And with this being your first Christmas with the Avengers, Sam Wilson was about to learn about the said but first-hand, because that sweet kind-hearted dumbass with a sass streak walked right into it.

Quite literally.

December 23th, you woke up well-rested, got breakfast, wrapped several presents and were on your way to hunt down a lunch in the communal kitchen, when a voice stopped you in the doorway, where you nearly ran into Sam. Nearly.

“Ah-oh,” he hummed, a shit-eating grin spreading on his handsome face and you stopped dead in your tracks, frowning at the ominous sound.

“What?”

And then came the fateful words: “You’re standing under a mistletoe.”

You see, here was a thing; the tradition of hanging a mistletoe and meeting people under it by chance as an excuse to get a kiss from someone was… stupid. Downright idiotic. Pushing people into something they didn’t have a chance to back out from. Forced affection.

Yeah, that was not happening even if Sam was a real swell guy and you did find a newly hung mistletoe above your heads indeed as you briefly looked up to check if his words were true.

“Okay. And?”

His eyebrows rose in surprise, his tone turning slightly wavering.

“…And so am I?”

“And?” you continued, crossing your arms on your chest defensively, already preparing a rant that would hopefully spread like wildfire and ended this dumb tradition altogether. Or well, at least spread around the Tower so no one would ever try to corner you again.

“Really?” Sam deadpanned and you stared right back at him, your face probably displaying precisely how you felt; unimpressed.

“Yes, really,” you emphasized and pointed up at the offensive plant for a good measure. “This is a stupid concept, objectifying people, women especially. It’s about people being forced into showing affection they might not even feel. It’s bordering on a damn dub-con if not non-con.”

Sam blinked a few times, instinctively retreating as he felt you heating up. He raised his hands in a no-harm gesture to show he got your point.

But you were already on roll and you glimpsed Tony in the kitchen, so you thought that there was no harm in him hearing your speech too, just to make sure that the smug loveable bastard of a billionaire got the message as well.

“It’s like all those poor kids being asked why don’t you give your granny a hug before we go and a kiss to your granddad— well, it’s because I don’t want to and it’s my choice to give affection to someone! And now this thing, this is the tip of the iceberg, really, the last fucking drop- it needs to be Me Too’ed, I swear.”

You found yourself panting as you finished, your hands on your hips now – not that you realized you had put them there – and your belly hot and angry for some inexplicable reason; maybe it was the fact that it was Sam, amazing, friendly and understanding Sam Wilson, who had to go and point this stupid poisonous plant out for you; and have the audacity to ask for a kiss.

Dammit!

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he apologized sincerely, voice kind and without any hint of hurt or mockery. “It won’t happen again. I see that you might have a point in this.”

All the fight instantly left your body, replaced by warmth of friendship, mingling with a shiver of shame for your quick judgement and outburst. You sighed, easing your posture and offering and apologetic smile in return.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make a big deal of that-��

“No, it’s fine. Like I said, you’re kinda right.”

“Damn right I am,” you hummed, feeling the corners of your lips rise automatically as Sam chuckled and shook his head at your antics.

But hey – you were right. You were not sorry for that.

Still snickering to himself, Sam sidestepped you in the door and patted your shoulder.

As you continued your path as well, you would swear you heard Tony mutter under his breath that you were a Grinch.

Jerk.

2.

“Hey! Don’t I get a kiss?” Clint called out a complaint as you met both stepped into that damn doorway at the same time.

As he pointed up, all you could do was to sigh, close your eyes and count to ten.

It had only been like four hours maybe; perhaps the word hadn’t gotten to him yet that you were not a fan of making out with random people – even if they were family – just because it was Christmas; or as Tony had put it, that you were a Grinch.

Personally, you thought that his insult had been inaccurate; you had given it a thought. Maybe you were more of a Scrooge. Perhaps you should tell him next time you saw him, just to see his face; Tony did pride in his ability to come up with witty nicknames.

You almost spitted out Bah, humbug now, just because.

“No, you don’t,” you said flatly instead, causing Clint’s jaw to quite literally drop as he looked at you with indignation and horror in his eyes.

“But--- but- mistletoe!” he stuttered and you sighed, deciding to explain it to him too – patiently.

“Why should some stupid plant tell me when someone is worth my affection? Someone who allegedly deserved it by simply standing under the same plant as me, no less? Get. Out. Not happening.”

You winced a bit as you registered the snappy tone you used.

Well. Half of the task of explaining it to him patiently went right, you’d call that a success, you supposed.

The poor archer just blinked, staring at you dumbfounded and mildly hurt; as if you had just told him that Santa Claus was nothing but a trick. Phew, as if you were that heartless…

Just-- logic. In fact, you had given this tradition a generous amount of thought since your last encounter under it and you figured out where it came from, historical inaccuracy be damned.

“I mean, where did the idea even come from? I bet it was just because some dude saw another guy mouth-to-mouth a girl, who happened to eat some of this poisonous parasite, may I add, and she was dying, so he gave her rescue breaths before continuing CPR. And the dude thought, that’s a great idea! Let’s make this a habit, just without the poisoning! Yeah, no. You’re not getting a kiss, Clinton,” you finished, satisfied with yourself as you managed to sound calmer this time.

Also, you were kinda proud of yourself for coming up with this story; it seemed very likely.

“That’s, uhm… an interesting take on history,” Clint hummed, watching you with uncertainty and hesitance and your heart stumbled in your chest as you guessed he was about to say something… cheeky, and outraging, in his cute brotherly way. “I need a hug at least tho.”

There we go.

“Nice try.”

You smirked and sidestepped him to be on your way and almost bumped into Steve, quickly shooting him a smile and disappearing out of sight before a silly idea about him and the stupid plant could form in your head – that would be bad and highly inappropriate, as was your crush on him, not to even mention your feelings—bah -!

“What did you do to her?” you heard the sweet supersoldier ask, a hint of accusation in his voice. Your smile widened, heat rising to your cheeks. Always so chivalrous; your heart could fucking melt.

“I asked for a hug after she refused to give me a kiss under a mistletoe,” Clint ratted you out, still hurt and honestly confused.

You stopped in your tracks as you rounded a corner, chewing on your lip guiltily.

Poor Clint; perhaps you had gone too hard on him… he couldn’t have known. You had to be kinder about it next time – after all, you might have been with them for almost a year now and they made you feel like you fit despite being so-so late to the Avengers party, but all of you still had things to learn about each other.

“Ah, you haven’t heard from Sam. Sorry,” Steve’s voice reached your ear, a notch kinder than before, compassionate even.

Compassion; another quality of Steve’s that you loved-

Bah, HUMBUG, that is not that, the L word is a bit much, that is not what’s happening-

“Wait, you knew- oh… Yeah, a heads-up would be nice,” Clint grumbled and made a pregnant pause, the sign of another prefect line coming. You held your breath in anticipation. “So are you gonna give me a hug or should I just get coffee, aka the hug in a cup-“

You held back laugher and swallowed the fondness for the good-natured archer before you could rush back and give him the damn hug.

“Coffee’s always a safe choice,” Steve replied and you thought you heard a chuckle and a grunt, unable to supress a giggle as you jogged away before they could notice you were still within hearing range.

Clint’s following monologue faded away as you walked.

“Nobody likes me. Nobody. I’m gonna die alone, surrounded by people who are too emotionally constipated to give a man a damn hug…”

Yeah, maybe you should give him a hug next time you saw him… no mistletoe though.

3.

You truly believed that that would be the end of it; after all, a day had passed since the first incident, the incident that was left without a kiss, and you doubted anyone was out of the loop at this point.

That was stupid of you. Naïve even. You jinxed it.

You were just after light breakfast, ready to get a little work out in – complete with tacky remixes of Christmas songs prepared to cheer you up – when the supposedly fastest man in the Tower, and possibly the whole world, pretty much bumped into you.

And he had to bump into you just as you were walking through that fucking doorway with that fucking plant which you were supposed to put down right after the encounter with Sam, dammit.

But no, you didn’t want to ruin everyone else’s fun; in fact, Clint had taken it his personal mission to meet as many people as he could under the mistletoe to get a kiss… or a hug. Wanda hapilly shared affection with others, either kissing their cheek of hugging them. People were having fun.

So, obviously, you let it be, confident everyone knew better than to corner you.

No good deed ever went unpunished, especially in the Holiday season.

Pietro grinned as he spotted you, downright delighted, and spread his arms almost as if creating a cage around you, leaving very little room to escape.

You did not like that.

“A kiss for a guy who caught you under a mistletoe?” he hummed warmly with a sprinkle of cheek and despite his cheery demeanour, you couldn’t help yourself and rolled your eyes.

“In your dreams, Maximoff,” you huffed, trying to duck under his arm, only for him to move it so quickly it was only a blur to you.

Quick to move, slow to take a hint. Yep, that kind of behaviour had Pietro written all over it… Okay, now you were being mean, but he was being an ass, grinning wider and adding a wink to the mix, so it was only fair.

“How did you know? I thought it was just my sister who was telepathic?”

“Pietro, leave her alone,” Wanda spoke as if on cue, eyeing her brother with a frown from her spot behind the counter where she was trying to figure out a recipe for a special Christmas pastry from her old country.

A hint of a pout appeared on Pietro’s lips as he reciprocated Wanda’s gaze; unfortunately for you, he was still aware enough of you attempting to escape his cage, so far without using force; though you were inclined to violence should it be necessary.

“What?! It’s tradition! I thought Americans loved that!”

“Well, not all of us, so-“ you explained with a sigh, catching a glimpse of Steve as he now looked up from his spot on the couch where he had been nestled with a sketchbook for the past twenty minutes.

“I could kiss you before you even notice,” Pietro argued smugly, his expression earning a wolf-like edge as you glared back at him.

Well, it seemed your workout was just about to start, you thought, as you balled your hand into a fist, subtly testing the readiness of the muscles of your leg, prepared to kick the damn man-child to his shin or worse.

“She said no.”

Both your and Pietro’s heads snapped to Steve, who was watching the other man with intense displeasure, all complete with the mildly adorable wrinkle on his forehead – a sign of disappointment and irritation – and a voice that carried the gravity of a Captain’s order.

Which in this situation stirred something in your belly, warmth swelling in your chest as he rushed to your rescue; one not needed, but still appreciated. You didn’t react to Steve’s words aside from giving him a quick grateful smile and shooting Pietro a childish told-you-so look.

“She doesn’t have to do things just because it’s considered a tradition. Leave her be, Pietro,” Steve added, less snappy and simply requesting from the speedster to have a tiny bit of respect for your wishes.

Pietro was most definitely pouting now, but he dropped his arms and released you, still blocking the doorway.

“This is ridiculous,” Pietro muttered under his breath, only for you to hear and you gritted your teeth, irritation spiking again.

“You are being ridiculous. Now move or I swear I’ll slap you.”

“I’d like to see you try, Eagle.”

Oh, we’re doing nicknames now? He could use your title earned by being fast and occasionally deadly all he wanted, flattery would get him nowhere at this point.

“Wouldn’t even see it coming, Speedyboy,” you challenged, chin raised in defiance.

It was ironic, really, how much everyone seemed to insist on following this stupid tradition, even with you. At this point, it was practically everyone but Steve; everyone but the one person you’d be willing to kiss – mistletoe or not, though the plant would at least give you an excuse.

But nope, you just had to get stuck in the doorway with this moron instead.

“Ooookay, you two,” Natasha sing-sang, as she was approaching you from the corridor; you completely missed her arriving, that was how much Pietro irritated you. “Maximoff, move, you’re blocking the doorway. And if you corner her like this again, I’ll kill you in your sleep and you’ll never see that coming,” she promised, voice icily serious despite the twinkle in her eye.

You had no doubt she would deliver just what she promised.

Which was exactly why you leaned over to kiss her cheek, earning a brilliant smile from her and a light brush of her lips against your own cheek.

“Thanks, kotenok,” she hummed just as Pietro gaped and complained.

“That’s so unfair.”

You smirked at him, throwing the smugness he had treated you with right back at him as you went to walk away.

“I give affection to whoever I want and whenever I want. Let your super quick brain process that. Happy Holidays.”

You completely missed the slow smile that spread on Wanda’s face at one point of the whole exchange.

+1

You decided to stop walking through that damn doorway altogether – just in case.

But at the moment, no one was around, so you made an exception since you considered yourself safe. Though main part of the feeling of security was that you didn’t think there was anyone left of the Tower tenants (who didn’t pay rent at all, somehow) who wasn’t aware of your opinion on the dumb tradition. No one who would be stupid enough to try.

Yet, when you glimpsed a large figure about to walk through the doorway just as you were few feet from it, you halted in your steps, letting them pass first.

And then there was a gust of wind, a warning coming a second too late and a harsh push to your shoulder from behind.

“Running through!”

You, the newest addition to the Earth’s mightiest heroes, Eagle, known for her quick reactions and not losing her cool easily, only managed to yelp in fright as you were knocked over, unable to hold onto anything and falling straight to the ground.

Two strong hands caught you and pulled you back up before you could hit the floor and you gasped, head spinning from the swift movements-- only to blink your eyes open to meet the prettiest pair of eyes you had ever seen; determined, kind, compassionate, loveable. And so damn blue despite the drop of green in their irises.

Your heart was trying to beat its way out of your ribcage as Steve instinctively pressed his chest against yours, holding you close and secure, grasp firm but careful.

Your gaze couldn’t but wander all over his face as you found yourself in such close quarters with him, his own eyes and his lips – gosh, those lips – working as magnets, always alluring your gaze to linger.

“You okay?”

Mesmerized, you watched those lips to move, barely comprehending what he was asking. His voice was warm; honey sweet and rich in spice, delicious, causing your stomach to flip pleasantly, your heart stammer.

It might have taken you a while to stutter out a reply, but no one ever needed to know about that.

“Uhm… yeah. Thanks-- thanks to you… thank you.”

Steve graced you with a small but no less meaningful smile. “Of course.”

Torturously slowly – as if he didn’t want to let you go any more than you wanted him to – he helped you stand straight and let go of your arms.

The moment you lost his touch, you lost your sanity too. You must have.

Before you could change your mind – or to think anything through – you leaned back to him and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. And perhaps on instinct, you kinda aimed more for the corner of his mouth than the cheek.

He felt warm now too – the tips of his ears turned red in an instant and you, with horror, finally realized what you had done; and just how good it felt to finally show at least a little of what you had been trying to ignore and hide for so long.

Despite his apparent surprise and mild embarrassment, his smile widened a fraction, turning pleased.

“What was that for?” he asked lowly, gaze intense as he studied your face, a hint of a glow in his eyes, something brighter than hadn’t been there before. Hope, maybe?

You certainly hoped. Because you just made an ass of yourself, having acted without thought… and it never felt so good and so awkward at the same time.

Your brain had never been so quick and dumb to come up with a poor excuse either.

“We’re…. we’re under a mistletoe?” you offered reluctantly, your lips still burning after the brief contact with his, head once again nearly spinning due to the proximity – was it just the dizziness or was he leaning in closer?

“I thought you didn’t follow that tradition,” Steve hummed with a grin slowly spreading on his face and through the fog of lovesickness, it finally dawned to you.

You had done exactly what you scolded Sam, Clint and Pietro for – you just went and kissed Steve, no questions asked, no consideration of his possible discomfort.

God, you were such an idiot!

See, that’s why you have banned yourself for as much as imagining kissing Steve and meeting him under the mistletoe! Because when your brain went down that road, it stopped working altogether!

You swiftly retreated a few inches, horrified.

“I—I don’t. I mean. I-- I-I’m so sorry!” you blurted out, words spilling from your lips as the panic rose in your chest. And yet, there was warmth, a pleasant feeling coiling in your belly, breaths coming out short as Steve seemed to erase the distance you had created, his gaze studying you, landing on your mouth. “I shouldn’t have done that! What was I thinking—gosh, I didn’t want to make you-“

You stopped as Steve’s lips kept erasing the distance and ended up a breath from touching yours, tempting, his eyes shining bright with a simple unspoken question. You instinctively licked your lips, heart stumbling in your ribcage.  

“---uncomfortable. Yes, please-“

And then he was kissing you, a little smile playing on his lips as they danced with yours, sweet and soft, hand moving to your nape, thumb caressing the side crook of your neck, drawing a content sigh from you as your eyes fluttered shut, letting you sink into the kiss you had been craving for almost a year.

Your hands sought out his shoulders as he cradled your face, gentle and guiding so he could take more and all you wanted was to give it to him, give him everything he asked for and take it from him too.

Your toes definitely curled in the thick fluffy socks you wore when his fingers squeezed your nape briefly before he withdrew – as if he once again didn’t want to let go for something so boring as oxygen. You wholeheartedly agreed with that sentiment, dizzy from the blissful turn of events.

As you inhaled nevertheless, you were grateful that Steve stayed close enough for you to breathe in him, relieved and delighted smile on your face as you licked your lips, savouring the sensation.

When you met his gaze, you saw nothing but fondness; and your heart could melt.

Steve liked you too. Steve kissed you like he meant it. Now you could die a happy woman but you rather not. You’d rather kiss him again if he was willing.

“Still sorry I did it without asking first,” you whispered an apology even though you were not sorry at all since it led to this.

“It’s okay. I just hope it wasn’t just the tradition that pushed you into kissing back.”

You chuckled and then chewed on your lower lip when thinking of a propriate retort, not missing that his eyes followed the action. Oh, he definitely liked to back, okay. Why had you never kissed before, again?

“I only give affection to whoever I want, whenever I want,” you threw back at him, the words that had a whole new meaning in contrast to when being told to Pietro; not a turn-down, quite the opposite in fact.

And you leaned in, greedy for at least one more kiss, Steve just watched you with a smile, eyes flickering to your lips.

“That’s good to know.”

He didn’t sound like he complained at being at the receiving end of your affection whatsoever.

Maybe, mistletoe wasn’t so stupid after all…

Three rooms over, the red-haired witch was smiling widely as she, thanks to her mental powers, caught a glimpse of what was happening in the kitchen doorway.

“It worked,” she announced, blinking to fully return herself to the present. “Nice work this time, brat moy.”

Pietro scowled at Wanda and couldn’t but wonder about the plan she had orchestrated and asked him to execute.

“How did you know, sestra?”

Wanda just shrugged.

“I had my suspicions before. But when you ran into her the last time, I checked her mind to see just how uncomfortable you made her,” she explained, giving one more scolding glare for his inappropriate behaviour. But well, it led to this and he helped now, so… he was good. “She literally thought she wouldn’t mind being under the mistletoe with the Captain.”

“Lucky bastard,” Pietro muttered, expression only half-sour.

“Shush. Be happy for your teammates. You just flirt anyway.”

The speedster pouted, but didn’t protest; he in fact was happy for the two members of the extended family him and his sister had found. And he indeed was only flirting, enjoying your reactions, talking back and teasing. It was all good fun and he did wish you and the Captain well…

But.

“Well, yeah, but now I won’t be able to do that or to look at her twice. Not without Captain having my head,” he grumbled and Wanda nodded with a grin, not feeling all that bad for him.

It wasn’t like he had his heart broken – more like had his ego tickled; and he had been needing some of that for a while.

“That’s true. Looks like you gotta be faster with the next girl you get your eye on, brat.”

The speedster gasped, shocked at her audacity. “I’ll show you fast-!”

Wanda laughed as she used her powers to freeze him on spot to get a head start.

Now, the Holidays felt truly happy indeed.

S.R. Masterlist

Thank you for reading!

If this fic feels like it’s written differently, then I guess that’s fair… I tried to make the style more drabble-like and failed epically, because I just cannot write short and without too many feelings :D

Anyway.

Happy Holidays to you all! May you be given love and affection!

[senpaibackthefuckoff]

Best Parts of John Mulaney’s Sack Lunch Bunch Special

- “I don’t like kid shows now, but I did when I was a kid which means they used to be better.”

- Brought to you by a GoFundMe based on a lie.

- “My dad is Marlin Jackson of the Jackson 5″ “Oh, Marlin Jackson. I have no questions about him.”

- “Who knows who voiced her husband and/or brother?”

- “What you know about real life could fit in a thimble on the thumb of tiny Jiminy Cricket.”

- Just that entire algebra segment: the eyepatch, John Mulaney’s awkward dad interjections, the ominous lighting and vaguely ominously snapping children, “Dad did you rehearse this,” that explanation that totally cleared up how algebra saves your eye.

- Topics covered in rapid succession: death, schizophrenia and mental illness, therapy, the inability to eat any food other than macaroni aka a plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter

- “I would call this thousand year period the Mulanium.” “Oh.” /judgmental silence/

- Girl Talk with Richard Kind.

- “Oh are you not - “ “No, I am not on the group text.”

- “I was just wondering...it sounds silly...do they?” *cut to song ‘do flowers exist at night’ with dramatic 80′s love ballad visuals.

- Literally all of the fears. All of them. I can’t even list the good ones, because they’re all great.

- “When I was young, volcanoes made me really nervous.” “Where did you grow up?” “Baltimore.”

- The ridiculous ‘games’ between segments with weirdly specific obscure trivia.

- “Last June, I saw Paul Simon and Martin Scorsese at Coney Island. They were stacked onto each other’s shoulders under a trench coat, trying to sneak on the Cyclone.” “Did it work?” “Nah, they got busted. ‘Cause they made Paul the head, and he can’t talk, so inside the coat you just hear this chattering on about Frederico Fellini” I don’t know why, it just made me laugh for 20 minutes.

- Annaleigh Ashford listing off some Too Real reasons for crying. Alex, to the camera: “and also this whole time I’m wearing my dad’s fancy scarf and my heelys!”

- Whatever the fuck Jake Gyllenhaal’s segment was, that entire thing was gold. The accent that disappeared when things went wrong, the train conductor/toy soldier/xylophone outfit, the interaction with the cat, “I should have spent time setting up some props that make noise”

- “Noooo, that was my clarinet!” “It landed on a truck full of pillows that was passing by only then.”

- The children calling John Mulaney Mom and Jake Gyllenhaal Dad, a ship for which I now must write copious amounts of fanfic.

- Jake Gyllenhaal’s deranged dangling mustache.

- Anna Mulaney making an appearance!!!

- honestly just the entire thing was great, and I need him to make more of these.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Trevor Moore, co-founder of the sketch comedy group The Whitest Kids U’ Know, died the other day at age 41. It made me sad, and weirdly surprised. On the list of famous people who might die in the next while, Trevor Moore was not someone I’d considered. He was too young to die of old age, and not the kind of celebrity whom you’d expect to go out early due to the showbiz lifestyle. He wasn’t known to be sick or to have any other reason to die young. The only explanation given publicly for the cause of his death is “an accident”; the nature of that accident has not been revealed and is none of my business. But I want to ask whatever architects of this word may or may not exist… which of your writers decided the next plot twist should be killing off Trevor Moore? How did you even come up with that?

My brother’s been doing stand-up comedy since he was sixteen, just over ten years ago now. He and I are both into comedy, but we generally have very different tastes. My dad raised us both on old school British comedy, but I’m still into it and my brother doesn’t like any of that stuff any more. Most of my brother’s favourite comedy makes me roll my eyes. Most of my favourite comedy makes him roll his eyes.

He and I have a few comedians whom we both really like. John Mulaney’s the most famous of the people we both like; I think he’s still my brother’s favourite comedian ever, and he’s way up there for me. Trevor Moore is another of those rare crossover comedians who has something to appeal to the very different tastes of my brother and I.

Years ago, maybe ten years ago now, my brother started trying to get me to watch The Whitest Kids U’ Know sketches on YouTube. I wasn’t interested at first, because he’d tried to get me to watch lots of his favourite comedy, and most of it wasn’t for me. But he finally forced me to watch a few of their songs and sketches, and had to admit they were actually quite good, and then I decided to check out more of their stuff, and then I spent a few days watching all 60 episodes of The Whitest Kids U’ Know. I put a few of the best Trevor Moore songs on my iPod. To this day, when I have a night of “drink beer and watch funny things on YouTube”, Trevor Moore’s songs and sketches are alongside Chris Flemming and Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal as some of my go-tos.

I know Trevor Moore was part of what inspired my brother to get into stand-up in the first place, and I’m willing to bet he’s also influenced plenty of other kids getting into comedy. But unlike most comedians who influence a lot of suburban white boys who start stand-up comedy, I find Trevor Moore extremely funny.

I feel like it’s only appropriate to put a Trevor Moore song on this blog, in honour of his passing. There’s this great song, which I used to sing when I worked overnights as a PSW, and 1-2 hours before my shift ended the morning shift would arrive and we’d all leave the office together to go off to the different rooms of the different clients to get them out of bed. It genuinely used to motivated me to rally for the last little bit of work after staying up all night.

Trevor Moore also has a few songs with some deeper meaning to them, like anti-religious ones, or this song that perfectly captures the absurdity of the thought processes behind OCD. Trevor Moore had OCD, because of course he did. All the cool people do.

But I think if I’m going to actually post one Trevor Moore song on here, it has to be the first thing I ever saw him do. My brother sat me down in 2010-ish and made me watch this video, and though I went into it telling him I wouldn’t like it, I had to admit that it was fucking hilarious. This song is still on my iPod, and I still listen to it sometimes because it’s incredibly catchy and never fails to make me laugh.

If there’s a deeper meaning to this song, I have failed to find it in over a decade. I’m pretty sure it’s just a song about smoking weed with dinosaurs. And it’s fucking excellent. 

[reginaofdoctorwho]

weird shit that would probably have something to do with me in a horror movie

no one wanted this but i’m bored and found a bottle so you’re all getting it. yes these are all true. check the tags, if u think i’ve missed something please let me know!

there was a murder (technically, i don’t really count it as a murder) next door when i was four years old on christmas morning

the weird antique glass bottle i found half-buried in the woods in the woods yesterday with living bugs in it that made no attempt to leave it once i uncovered it

there is a local cult in the next town over. this is not the same as the local cult that was in the other town over where my mom grew up

random completed animal skeletons in the woods behind our house, i’m talking prey and predator, both laid out like in a goddamn scientific diagram. for a while there’d be ones in the middle of our yard, always the same type of animal, always just the bones and nothing else, laid out like it was posed. this has been happening for over half a decade and we have no fucking clue how, why, or who is doing it

the screaming from the woods that i’m going to assume is a fox

my sister almost dated a murderer. his niece or something is in my class

there is a house that is now part of a “local ghost tour” that belonged to my great+ grand parents during the civil war where my great+ aunt died allegedly murdered by her husband who is actually blood related to me. family history says she died of childbirth, which given that it was the 1800s... probably is true

there was an actual murderer in our family a few generations back but he married in and killed his wife and her sister. they didn’t find out about it until they read his journals after he died where it apparently told everything he did and they decided. “well, that wouldn’t look good for the family, and they’re already dead anyway” and just kept it hidden??

the fact we have my great great grandmother’s dress from probably 1890s or 1900s. even more so the fact that i fit in it. if this was fantasy horror (vampires, some immortal thing or ghost) i’d be fucking dead or cursed

fairly certain i was possessed by the ghost of a puritan as a kid

my family seems to have a curse with babies and nurses? my great uncle died when he was born because long story short, hospitals were the new hot thing, he was perfectly healthy, then a nurse dropped him and he died instantly. my sister died when she was a toddler and the hospital actively tried to delete her hospital records to cover it up and ended up getting fined by the state for it. the nurses responsible were not arrested or punished in any way.

my family all has fucked up connective tissue, in my brother it was bad enough he had to get a steel bar in his chest so it wouldn’t cave in.

the many times i have almost drowned, sometimes due to intentional actions by humans (my dad, it was my dad)

this in addition to the other fucked up shit he did before the divorce when he still lived here, including but not limited to: killing my mom’s favorite pet goat, hanging its skull in a tree, and leaving the body in the woods. not letting his kids learn how to cook. anytime someone asked him to cook he’d put as much pepper/hot sauce in as he could (even for like, scrambled eggs) and give it to the youngest person, usually a toddler. this was me at times. taking his kids out to the woods and threatening murder. taking his kids out to the woods and threatening burning. purposely locked the basement from the inside so we couldn’t get the gaping hole in the stairs leading to one of three kids rooms fixed. tearing up pictures of the kids whenever my mom did something he didn’t like. i had more here but i tried to cut it down a litttle

people have threatened to murder me before. one time a girl didn’t threaten, and actually acted like she was starting to like me, but her cousin read her diary or something and found out she was planning to commit a lot of murder, and told her parents and she got sent to a psychiatric ward for a couple weeks

my mom lived down the street from a family that got axe-murdered by one of their two sons when she was a kid. the murderer did get out on an insanity plea and is still in the area. also their neighbor’s mom “lost her mind” (how the story was told) when she had to protect their kids while her husband went over to try to protect the non murderer son when he got home from school and ran over screaming about his brother trying to kill him and had killed their parents

also she knew a girl who almost got kidnapped by this really fucked up traveling serial killer that has his own wikipedia page that is,,, lengthy. the girl had [alleged] mafia ties, and the guy ended up dying shot by police despite them being told to bring him in, which sounds kinda suspicious

long story short i’d probably be the sequel where one comes back

apparently i go to the “bad” school, which i found out in a coffee shop when i overheard two girls talking about how one’s dad went there and how horrible and dangerous it is

school fights are weird. either they don’t happen or they come freakishly close to murder. people slam heads into lockers, stomp on bones, drag people by hair along the ground. one time in my brother’s class a 4′9″ girl sent a 6′2″ football player to the hospital. there was video of a fight a couple years ago that’s still around. it was brutal, but also one of the girls fighting was taking one for the team in it and got the other kicked out

we don’t have a ceiling in all of the third floor, and the cafeteria has 2. this is not relevant in any way, but it’s important to me that you know this

also the guys kept ripping the heating vents/radiators/whatever off the walls in their bathrooms and got almost all the bathrooms locked. including the girls’ ones.

also everyone kept punching holes in the walls so on some of them it’s just,,, metal sheeting down the whole hallway

there are so many fucking shootings in the next town over. literally five years ago it was this nice place where kids would go on history tours, i did when my sister worked for that group. now there is pretty much one business that has not been held up at gunpoint, and if u look up to the serial killer bullet point, it is for v similar ties. it’s a pizza place and if u ever stop by u gotta try it

women in my family have weirdly good intuition but every couple generations we get doubtful. my great grandma didn’t want a hospital birth but decided “hey it’s the hot new thing for a reason”, my mom switched churches based on nothing but intuition and it turned out someone was a pedophile there (found out years later), i instantly could tell my friend’s boyfriend was a pos and wasn’t surprised later when he told her he’d murder and dismember me in front of her, and upon meeting him told him he was a fucking coward and couldn’t do it. he broke up with her a month later.

i was really good friends for a while with two guys that burned a building down. yes they were arrested. i was friends before and after the fire. they’re pretty nice, but this girl they used to date (at different times, they were brothers, yes it was fucking weird and uncomfortable for everyone involved except her but that’s it’s own thing) said some fucked up shit and it was the closest i ever got to starting a fight. anyway i’m still friends with both on facebook. one of them shares a lot of king of the hill memes

speaking of that fight, i 100% would’ve tried to kill her in that moment. u know that john mulaney quote like “i didn’t understand how a person could want to kill another person. then i got cheated on, and i was like ‘oh, okay.’”? that was me, but replace “cheated on” with she told me it was good my five year old sister was dead because she was a waste, and told me she hoped i’d die of covid”. it was mainly the sister thing. i couldn’t move because if i did i’d start a fight with the [way] above mentioned shit.

my family has a literal feud with a local farming family. i mean, we keep farm animals (sheep, goats, chickens), these people have that, pigs, and crops too. the feud was because their great uncle (or great grand uncle, i’m a little fuzzy on the details) published an autobiography (despite not being anyone famous/important) and in it talked about when he was friends with my grandfather and how creepy my great grandfather was (this was the one with the dead firstborn son) because he kept newspaper clippings of the Lindbergh baby’s kidnapping and murder pinned to a board on the wall of his office/basement. also because he was a child of german immigrants who wanted to fight against nazis in WW2 (how suspicious [sarcasm]). members of their family are in my grade. they charged my sister for almost half an extra pound of goods, too, which just revitalized it.

i live by corn fields. i am surrounded by cornfields. (joke one)

i was friends for a while with this girl whose baby teeth,,, didn’t really fall out completely? she was 17 the last time i saw her in person, she’s probably 19 now and judging by her facebook pictures they’re still Like That. she had a very symmetrical mouth/teeth, which made it weirder. just to clarify, she had some of her baby teeth pushed forward and up, so they kind pointed out a little? and all her adult teeth. she was literally so pretty.

a teacher who is v sexual with his female students came into my english class (he is a science teacher) to demand why i wasn’t signed up for his class. we then both became increasingly passive aggressive and he told the whole class where i live with specific directions and landmarks. the guy sitting next to me had to try to tone things down despite being obviously confused as to why it was even happening (me too buddy). he lives down the road from my sister. when my niece had her birthday party at our house i was outside setting things up and he slowed his car down and honked at me. fuckin creep

[fangirl-imagines]

After Party//Bill Hader Fluff

A/N: Set during Bill’s SNL days but Bill is obviously not married in this. The reader in this is a new cast member to the show. 

You downed the rest of your drink and slammed it down on the table with slightly more force than necessary. It was a good think Mulaney wasn’t here. You weren’t sure what you would say to him if he was. You thought he was your friend. Heck, he was even the one who told you that you should audition for SNL in the first place. But then he goes and does this to you. Kirsten sat next to you at your otherwise empty table and watched you with an amused smile.

“It really wasn’t that bad, Y/N.”

You looked at her incredibly. “Wasn’t that bad?! Really?”

She rolled her eyes, “We’ve all had to kiss someone for a sketch at one point. This was just your first time doing it on camera is all.”

“But how many times have you had to kiss someone on live television who is not only your coworker but also the man of your dreams? I was so nervous I bit his lip by accident. It completely threw me off my mark, I kept missing my ques for the rest of the night. Oh God, what if Lorren fires me?!”

“Y/N, don’t even think that way! You might be new but you’re also amazing! Lorren is not going to fire you for one bad night. If he did things like that then all of us would be out of work by now.”

You nodded, shakily. Picking up your glass you swirled the melting ice around in it. Scanning the party for Bill, you saw him halfway across the room talking with Seth. You sighed. It wasn’t fair that he could still be so attractive while you were such a mess. Honestly, you were a little surprised he was even here. Bill didn’t come to many of the after parties. He’d told you that he usually felt too awkward at parties and was too exhausted after the crazy hours you all pulled leading up to the show and was usually just ready for some much needed rest after a show.

You hadn’t planned on coming to tonight’s party at first. After the disaster of a show you’d had tonight you had wanted nothing more than to take a cab home and hide in your apartment until Monday, hoping by then everyone, especially Bill, would have forgotten about the kiss. You would have done just that too had Kirsten not grabbed you after your last sketch of the night and insisted on you coming to the party with her. You couldn’t say no to Kirsten. She had taken you under her wing when you had started at SNL and in many ways was your mentor and role model as both a woman and a comedian. 

After a few drinks you finally told her what had happened to throw you off your game tonight.

You had been friends with John Mulaney long before either of you had started working at Saturday Night Live. You had both gone to college together and were both English majors. You’d made sure he slept on his side when he was drunk so he wouldn’t choke in his sleep. You’d summarized the works of Jane Austin for him when he didn’t read the books. You’d met each other’s parents many times and had stayed up until the early hours of the morning helping each other write sketches. You’d think after all these years of friendship there would be some sort of loyalty, but no.

It was in one of those late night/early morning writing sessions that you had told him all about your crush on one very tall Tulsa native, Bill Hader. You’d confided in him how nervous it made you to be around Bill some times and how hard it made being in sketches together because as nervous as you were on TV already, being around Bill while on camera made it almost impossible for you to focus. So, what does your dear friend Mulaney do with this information? He writes a sketch in which you have to aggressively kiss Bill. And you did mean aggressively. 

You had to do it more than once too between dress rehearsals and the actual sketch but that didn’t make it any less nerve wrecking. You were too anxious to even enjoy the kiss. Bill had been a good sport about things though. He’d been nothing but respectful and had joked about it, trying to make you feel better when you were obviously nervous. You hoped he thought you just still had new cast member nerves about being in a sketch and didn’t actually realize he was the one making you nervous. You were almost positive everyone else knew though. 

Kirsten hadn’t even raised a brow when you’d told her about it as part of your ‘I’m sorry I sucked tonight but you can’t make me feel worse than I already do.’ speech. And if she knew then you were sure everyone else probably did too.

You poured some of the ice from your glass into your mouth and crushed it like you usually did when you were nervous. Kirsten shook her head, knowing you were too caught up in your own spiraling thoughts to really listen to her pep talk right now and sighed. 

“Okay, I’m going to go get us two more drinks and then we’re going to stratagize on what kind of hilarious sketches you’re going to write on Monday. This is all going to blow over, I promise.”

You nodded lazily, not sure if she was right or not, and watched her walk towards the bartender.

“Hey, Y/N?”

You almost jumped out of your skin when Bill appeared suddenly beside you, slipping into Kirsten’s seat.

“Sorry,” He chuckled nervously, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t.” You argued, trying not to sound as defensive as you felt. 

You felt an overwhelming urge to leave the table now and go call John to scream at him but stayed seated. Bill smiled but looked anywhere but at you before sighing.

“Look,” he started, “about that sketch tonight.”

Oh gosh, here it was. He knew. You bet Seth told him. Seth loved good gossip and he and Bill were friends, of course he told him. This was the part where Bill tells you that he thinks you’re great and all but we’re just better off as friends or some other similarly nice and humiliating version of that.

“It’s okay, Bill, you don’t have to-“

“I’m really sorry about that kiss. You were a great sport about it. Mulaney was-“ 

You both spoke at the same time but your ears perked up at the mention of John’s name.

“Wait,” You cut him off, “What about Mulaney? What did he tell you?”

Bill blushed slightly and shook his head. “I told him some stuff I shouldn’t have and he was just trying to mess with me.” Bill paused, looking at you curiously, “What did you think he told me?”

You shook your head, the gears inside moving as you spoke. “Nothing. What was he messing with you about-“

You stopped mid-sentence when it occurred to you the reason Kirsten wasn’t surprised by your feelings for Bill, the reason for the blush on Bill’s face and his nervous laugh when he sat down next to you. It wasn’t you that Mulaney was trying to get to with that kiss. John Mulaney was an evil genius of epic proportions. You cleared your throat and tried to keep the cheshire grin off your face when you spoke. 

“Wait, Bill, do you, do you like me?”

Bill rubbed the back of his neck nervously but nodded. “Is this going to make things weird now?”

Fueled with liquid courage and a post confession adrenaline high, you answered him by leaning forward and kissing him again with only slightly better precision than you had in the sketch but much better timing.

This time you didn’t bite his lip though.

[mumshmandz]

Rediscovering Sparks Once Lost

After making some major decisions about my life in the last few months, I was able to make some room to go back to some of the constant love affairs in my life -- movies, music and books.

Currently, I'm in the middle of reading about 4 books dispersed in the categories of business, management, self-development and leadership (since I'm currently running a startup).

I'm also currently watching a lot of movies that influenced me growing up which includes some greats like A Few Good Men, The Green Mile, Rashomon, Ran, etc. And discovering a lot really well-made movies that make a cinephile's heart tickle.

But what I'm really stoked about is that I'm (finally) able to binge my all time fave show, Saturday Night Live. I've rediscovered my love for comedy. And somehow I realized why I loved this show in the first place -- they're just damn good at their craft. (Salute to Lorne Michaels for making an establishment that stands for 40 years and running, and able to run DESPITE the pandemic.)

For those who know me personally, I absolutely freaking love comedy. From standup to sketch, from blue to observational to farce -- I love it. For me, comedians (especially the REALLY good ones) are one of the most intelligent people in the world. They observe. They acknowledge life's uglies -- and somehow they're able to spin it to something that's really, well.. FUNNY.

So what I did was (unashamedly) stan some of the cast members that really made an impression (no pun intended there) on me -- Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Fred Armisen, Seth Myers & Jason Sudeikis (which many say make up the best cast of SNL) -- and their work AFTER their SNL days.

And (gasp), I found just found their material to be really, really good. So good, it surpassed what they have done on their stint on the show which is, by the way, already brilliant.

Watched The Skeleton Twins which featured Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig and absolutely loved it. Also saw The Bridemaids with Wiig in the lead. Currently really loving Wiig's versatility.

Documentary Now is such a freaking amazing production - making mockumentaries out of ACTUAL documentaries. Not everyone will appreciate this, but if you try to get the elements together and compare them with the original, it's just anal. Produced by Seth Myers, Fred Armisen & Bill Hader -- it's just pure brilliance. Add to that, John Mulaney -- currently loving his standup and who, I think, is one heck of a writer -- also wrote for them which is just ahhhh... (in a good way).

Barry (Bill Hader) is just something I absolutely love Where do you get an idea that a hitman enrolls in an acting class? The idea is just absurd it's unbelievable and amazing at the same time. The whole series is a conflict in itself. When it will climax? We don't know. But this I know -- Can't wait for season 3!!! Agggh.

And now, I'm about to subscribe to Apple TV because I want to watch Ted Lasso with Jason Sudeikis at the helm. Watched a couple of previews and I can see this is another well-written and thought of series.

I can go on and on and if I don't stop, this won't end. So I have to stop myself. Starting --- NOW. (See what I did there? Barry fans react.)

--

So what's the take away from all the non-sense I've written? It feels good to rediscover previous love affairs that somehow ignited that spark of creativity and life in you. And by love affairs, I didn't mean that LITERALLY (By the way, that's dangerous, especially if you're married like me. Haha).

Honestly, I've been living in a bubble for the past few years. And it's just nice to be able to experience LIFE. And to be inspired by great individuals who were able to achieve success -- NOT BY BEING POPULAR -- but by really working their ass off in their craft and making it. Most of these people I've mentioned gained recognition during their mid-30s and now enjoying the fruit of their labors in their 40s.

It's never too late. There was someone who kept on telling me that I'm already too old to do something. I know it was a reverse psychology jedi thing. But honestly, reverse psychology doesn't work --- unless you're a 2 year old. And truth is, why reverse when you can just say it straight to one's face (just saying).

Here's my tip for you, dear reader --Rediscover the sparks that you once lost. Being able to see people that you're able to relate to and able to learn from helps you see that the world is BIG. And the possibilities are endless. I'm not an American, but darn, they knew what they were talking about when they say "Chase that American dream."

For me it's these. But for you it might be something different. I haven't even talked about food. Hahaha. But then again, there's another blog for that.

[suckitsurveys]

What battery percentage is your phone on right now? It’s at 75%. Do any medical afflictions run in your family? Yeah. Who did you last talk to in person and what did you say? My husband. We said goodnight to each other last night. What’s your favourite Mexican dish? I know it’s basic but ya bitch loves a good taco. Tostadas are also yummy but they don’t travel well so I haven’t had one in a while. OH and guacamole and salsa! Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yes, several Cubs games, a few Blackhawks games, and a couple Bulls games.

How far do you live from New York City? About 800 miles west. How often do you talk to your parents? At least 4-5 times a week. What was the weather like in your town today? It’s 66 F right now. Are there any phrases or words that you say a lot? Of course.

How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had? A few. They’re all irrelevant now except for my husband. Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yes. What’s the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend? Irrelevant. Do you clean your ears daily? Not daily. What accent do you have? Chicago/Midwest. What scent of air freshener do you keep in your bathroom? We have a coconut one right now. Have you ever dated a model? Lol. What’s the best job you’ve ever had? This one.  How about the worst? Party City. Do you have naturally straight hair? It’s gotten a little wavy over the past year actually. What is your ultimate goal in life? To get my health better managed and to be the best Auntie to my nieces. Have you ever visited someone in prison? No. What months were you and your siblings born in? I was born in September and my sister was born in July. Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them? No. What are your three favourite vegetables? Zucchini, Asparagus, Potatoes. How many times a day do you check Facebook or any other social network? A few times. When was the last time you had a blocked nose? A couple weeks ago. Who is your favourite comedian? John Mulaney and Stella. What colour are the socks you’re wearing today? I’m not. What did you have for dinner last night? Pizza and fried zuchini. What was the last concert you went to? Vampire Weekend in October 2019 in SLC. Are you an ugly crier? Idk, probably? Are any of us cute when we cry? What scent is the soap or body wash you use in the shower? Right now we have an ocean breeze scented one. Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? Yes. Who do you live with? My husband and our three cats. What letter does your street name begin with? W Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? I tweeze them. When was the last time you ate at McDonald’s? Yesterday. I was craving fries and a root beer and grabbed some. What’s your favourite Popsicle flavour? Cherry or watermelon. Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? I sent Mark a meme. Do you have any injuries at the moment? Not really. Have you ever been to an ophthalmologist? I don’t think so. Do you own any animal print clothes? Yeah. Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I’m short and no. When was the last time you went to a drug store/pharmacy? There’s a pharmacy inside my grocery store. I was there yesterday. As for a stand-alone one, that was back in April when I got my second dose of the Covid shot. Do you ever binge-watch TV shows? Yeah. Have you ever mustered up the courage to tell someone how you feel only to be rejected? No. Do you keep your files and documents organised in one place? Eh, yes and no. What’s your favourite sweet treat to bake? Box brownies, lol. Though last Thanksgiving I made a pumpkin pie that turned out amazing. That was fun. Are you good at flirting and letting people know you’re interested? No. What did you have for breakfast today? I haven’t had breakfast. It’s almost lunch time so I’m just gunna hold out. Do you prefer sweet or savoury breakfasts? Either. I don’t often do big breakfasts, so.  Do you like chick-flicks? Sure. Have you ever taken an acting class? Not really. I was in an improve group in grade school after school for a bit. And in one play in high school. When was the last time you watched one of your favourite movies? It’s been a while. How often do you use Youtube? Everyday. I watch a lot of YouTube. What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever dressed up as for Halloween? I dressed up as Nyan Cat one year and that was amazing. And my Princess Carolyn (from BoJack) costume is one of my favorites as well. And last year was LSP from Adventure time and that turned out really cool too. I made all of them from scratch.  Are you ignoring anyone right now? Nah. How do you usually style your hair? It’s either down or in a bun, for the most part. Do you have any tattoos? Tell me about them. I have 9 and I don’t feel like explaining them all.  Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? Sure. When was the last time you used a stove? The other day. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? Veal. Are you sitting, standing or laying (or something else) right now? I’m sitting. How many hours per week do you typically work? 40. What was the last pill or tablet you took? An Alieve the other day. How far away from your house is the closest grocery store? Less than two minutes. Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing? Nope. Who was the last person you complimented? My friend Sarah. Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you’ve slept plenty? Lol “slept plenty.” Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment? My husband. And Will Arnett.  The age old question: dogs or cats? CATS. When was the last time you saw your best friend? I can see my husband right now. I saw Sarah in January of 2020, Ellen in October of 2019, and Randal sometime in March or April, I can’t remember.  Have you ever been fired from a job? Why? No. Are you tired right now? Always. Do you like spring rolls? Sure. What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc? Avenue. How many purses or handbags do you own? Several. Do you get along with all your aunts and uncles? I have no living aunts or uncles. I have a couple great-aunts but they are elderly and we rarely talk. Have you ever eavesdropped and heard something you didn’t want to hear? Sure. When was the last time you used a pen, pencil or marker? A little bit ago. I have this coloring book I keep near me while I’m working and I just randomly fill in little shapes while I’m waiting for something to load.  What’s your favourite type of curry? Massaman curry, which is a coconut based curry. Do you often go to do or say something and then just forget? Ugh, I hate that. Have you ever had casual sex? Uh huh. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? My nails. What’s the last letter of your middle name? A. If your phone rang right now from a number you don’t know, would you answer? Nope. How long is your hair? A little past my shoulders. What was your first pet’s name and how did you pick that? We had two blue parakeets that were my 2nd grade class pets. My teacher asked my mom to take them for the summer and then asked us if we wanted to keep them because the school didn’t allow class pets anymore. Anyway, our class voted and named them Featherbrain and Lucky. Do you drink diet or regular soda? If I am gunna drink soda, I’m drinking regular. Have you ever been to Europe? No. Do you worry about your own health? Sure.  Who did you last make plans with, and what plans did you make? Randal and I were talking about going to the zoo or aquarium soon. Nothing set in stone yet.  Can you smell anything right now? Not really. How old were you when you got your first cell phone? I was 15. When was the last time you bought a pair of shoes? It’s been a bit. Mark and I are planning on getting some slides soon. Do you like fruit and vegetable combo juices? Yeah. Have you ever been on a spring break trip? Sure. Would you rather be warmer or colder right now? I’m fine at the moment.  How tall are your highest heels? I don’t wear heels. What’s your favourite flavour of frosting? Cream cheese. When did you wake up today? Around 7. Do you change your appearance often? No. What colour are the street signs in your town/suburb? Green. How many people do you work with? 10. What was the last thing you ate? Pizza. Do you have any plans for three hours in the future? Still be working. Has anyone ever made a comment about your weight that offended or upset you? Uh huh.

[rustandruin]

Who are your fave SNL comedians and sketches ?

Hey Anon!

This is such an awesome and great question. I used to be a huge SNL fan back in the day (i.e. college), so this is such a fun excuse to go back and relive my favourite sketches! I haven’t actually watched the show much recently, unless Bill Hader is on or hosting, because as you’ll see, he was my favourite cast member. 

In terms of my other favourite cast members, I’d have to go with: Andy Samberg (it’s such a close tie for him and Bill), Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, and Seth Meyers.

Here are my top 5 sketches, because otherwise, we’ll be here forever:

5. My Little Stepchildren: Tumblr lost its mind over this sketch, and rightly so. It’s fucking hilarious. I cannot believe it got cut for time. What could have been better than this?

4. Totino’s Pizza Commercial: This one’s also been making the Tumblr rounds for a couple of years, but honestly. That makes sense. The sheer gay power Kristen Stewart emits in this sketch is incredible. 

3. Pirate Convention: I’ve been told this is an extremely deep cut by my fellow SNL-loving friends, but the second I saw this sketch I fell in love with it. It’s exactly my brand of humour, and the number of puns in this is *chef finger kiss.* Also I just really love pirates.

2. Stefon’s Farewell: I love Stefon as much as I love Bill Hader, and this farewell to him on his last episode made me cry happy tears. Bless John Mulaney for creating this character. And bless Seth Meyers and Bill Hader for giving us this. 

1. Dear Sister: Based on the season finale of The OC, Lonely Island gave me the best birthday gift possible when they wrote and aired this on May 10, 2007. It’s hands down my favourite thing they’ve ever done. And I reference this now-viral meme once daily. (Seriously.)

[boydsfm]

❛ ✶ ( ALEX WOLFF , CIS MALE , HE/HIM )  —  did you see LUCAS BOYD walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the NINETEEN year old SOPHOMORE . from what i know , they are studying COMPUTER SCIENCE and are a part of PHI KAPPA DELTA . they come across as + KIND-HEARTED but also - TIMID , which makes since because on their instagram ( LUCAS.V.BOYD ) it says they are a VIRGO . when i see them , i think of A DESK COVERED IN EMPTY COFFEE MUGS, DANDELIONS GROWING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK, THE UGLIEST GODDAMN SWEATERS YOU’VE EVER SEEN. the most interesting thing i’ve heard about them though , is the fact that REDACTED  , but don’t tell anyone i told you that . ooc info . ally . 22 . est . she/her .

hello hello hellooooooooooooooo. i’m ally, i’m from canada, and i’m addicted to tik tok i’m so excited to be here!! this has been an opportunity to bring back an old and beloved muse of mine, one lucas victor boyd ! if you like this, i’ll hyu on discord, or you can hmu at known simp harry hook#3923. 

statistics.

full name. lucas victor boyd  nickname(s). just lucas. not luke or lou, just lucas.  occupation. undergraduate student, beaumont campus tech support  age. nineteen. date of birth. september 2nd, 2001.  nationality. american. ethnicity. ashkenazi jewish, scottish. orientation. gay. gender & pronouns. cis male; he/him/his.

height. 6′0”. weight. 145 lbs. eye color. hazel. hair color + style. dark brown; usually messy and curly. he gets it cut short at the beginning of the semester and then by the end its a mop. really doesn’t style it.   dominant hand. right-handed. distinguishing features. distinctive nose, lanky figure, messy curls, undereye bags, that cute li’l mole. 

background. (tw alcoholism, death of a parent) 

SO. lucas was born in portland, maine, to a pretty lower middle class family. his father left when he was two years old, and he was largely raised by his mother, florence weber. 

florence was a hardworking and loving mother, but she was also quite depressed her entire life. she was a recovered alcoholic when she met judas, lucas’s father, but once he left, she slowly slid back into her old habits. 

by the time lucas was eight, he was having to start to pick up some household responsibilities. cooking, cleaning, packing his own lunch. waking his mom up in time for her shifts at target. 

by the time he was in middle school, he’d learned how to forge her signature on cheques, he’d applied for unemployment for her after she got fired, and he was taking any odd job to make money. 

school was his favorite distraction; he was always a brilliant kid, and if it weren’t for the fact he was already a terribly shy and awkward kid, he could have skipped a couple grades. he threw himself into schoolwork to avoid everything; his mother’s worsening condition, his crippling loneliness, his fear that he might be as gay as every one of his bullies insisted. 

this was, also, around when he picked up his most lucrative but troublesome odd job; hacking into the school board network to get test answers. he could get fifty dollars per person per test, and he was able to buy groceries besides beans and rice, was able to buy new clothes for himself and his mom. he felt awful about it every day, but... he still did it.

(death tw) at sixteen, when he found his mom motionless and cold on the floor of their apartment, he buried himself in his work, too. he couldn’t help but feel guilty, though; it was his work, his taking care of everything that had allowed his mom to keep her addiction up for this long.

so, yeah. there’s a very good reason why he doesn’t go back to portland anymore. he spent last summer in cambridge. well, that and his Secret. 

since the beginning of his freshman year, lucas has had something of a glow-up. he signed up for the school’s counselling services before he even got to campus, and he’s been making great strides. 

additionally, he pledged phi kappa delta, which... he never saw himself pledging a frat, ever in his life. but all the guys there were so... cool. and so supportive and nice and... and they’re like the brothers lucas never had. having that little family has helped him gain that much more confidence in himself. 

personality. 

if there was an onion headline for lucas’s life it would be Nervous Wreck Slowly Becomes a Functional Human Being.

very virgo, very type a. but also a pisces moon cancer rising. so he needs everything to be in alphabetical order or he’ll cry.

ever since he’s started college, he’s transitioned from being As Plain As Possible to being more outwardly soft as he’s gained confidence in himself. he wears the dorky sweaters and neat socks he likes, he has a small collection of plants on his desk, he knits scarves for his friends. big hufflepuff energy. again, this comfort largely comes from the acceptance he’s found at phi kappa delta.

slowly getting over his Big Anxiety. slowly learning how to talk to people. still awkward at parties. still has panic attacks every day during exam season. but he adores his therapist and takes his zoloft every day and he’s… he’s doing alright.

there are things he is sure of. his intelligence, his diligence, his ability to get shit done. he’s recently mastered asking fellow customers to please be kind to servicepeople.

still he’s that guy who doesn’t want to tell the waiter they got his order wrong.

he’s literally highkey fucking brilliant. he’s literally at the top of his class in one of the most difficult programs at one of the most difficult universities in the country. 

a chronic people pleaser up until the point that it breaks his moral code. like if you want him to help you cheat or help you toy with someone he will put his foot down. he’ll do it very softly, but he won’t budge.

(though he is known to do mathematics and computer science homework for his friends when they’re overtired. he’s always the one to offer in that case, though.)

the rare gay who is extremely capable in math. legit he gets so excited about math it’s actually really cute.

theres a part of him that still believes in magic, to some capacity. he still wishes on shooting stars and pennies on the ground and dandelions. 

his greatest strength and fatal flaw is that he sees the best in people. even if he knows you tried to hurt him, he will give chance after chance.

(but he works in tech support rn So. he’s slowly losing his belief in humanity.) 

in conclusion, here are some tik toks that describe lucas 

him in kindergarten

he can’t write i’m so sorry

 just.... the Vibes 

wanted connections. 

skinny love. lucas is extremely shy, especially in romantic situations. he cannot flirt to save his goddamned life. he also probably thinks this person is out of his league. (honestly i want a romantic plot for him so bad gimME) 

close friends. GIVE HIM FRIENDS FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD he’s such a good friend he just wants to love people.

lawyer for real life. based off this john mulaney bit. someone who reminds lucas that someone is mistreating him.

lab partner. idk man i just like that easy camaraderie. or maybe they make lucas do all the work in which case he will eventually snap.

tutoree. someone that lucas basically helps out of the good of his heart.

bad influence. someone get this boy TURNT

manipulator. lucas does have a bit of a backbone, but he is incredibly naive and very easily manipulated. basically he will do your stats assignments for you if you say he’s your friend.

academic rival. lucas is not typically an antagonistic person, but having someone be so obviously smarter than him grinds his gears a little bit. his mood when talking to this person is :))))))))))

literally anything pls i’m desperate and he’s baby

[skinks]

listen....... i just came here through AO3 and you're hilarious and i already adore you sorry also i FEEL YOU on the bill hader thirst people have been sleeping on him for YEARS

:0 hello from ao3, thank you!!

listen what the fuck, I wish he’d been sleeping on ME for years like, woof. woof woof woof

I remember it well. It was June 2017, I’d just come back from a holiday in Florida, and IT was just a book I’d read one summer as a teenager... simpler times... freer times.... times free enough to binge watch late night talk show interviews with people like John Mulaney, who had apparently written this character Stefon who you’re vaguely aware of through the occasional gif on tumblr, and nothing more. You know that goofy looking guy from all those Judd Apatow movies you never watch, and wasn’t he the love interest in that Trainwreck movie?

Fuckin weird choice for a love interest, you thought, but okay.

Anyway one of the recommended videos after Mulaney was a Stefon skit and you watch it and holy shit, this guy is funny. You watch another. All of them in one night. Shit, he’s actually funny a lot on SNL, he does great accents and voices and fuck, is it just the lighting that makes his cheekbones look that good? Wait, what the hell. Never mind. Hey wait a second... when he does that fuckboy grin his eyebrows do something hot and his jawline — oh no, you feel something. Something growls deep in your gut like you’re hungry but it’s not your stomach and you don’t need food. Uh oh. She’s waking up. Down girl, down. She won’t stay down, and he’s got a really cute fucking overbite and a wonky eye that you kinda wanna suck on like a gobstopper and she’s growling louder trying to climb over the gate, scrabbling, and he’s got the doofiest laugh and you watch Trainwreck and he FUCKS and she’s splintering through the gate and it’s two years later and tumblr is awash with gifsets of his broad-ass shoulders and his flexing jaw and his dumb, dumb jokes and he made you cry like a baby in the clown movie and you regularly j*rk off to the thought of him ****** ******* *** **** ***** ******* and last night you had a dream he went full frontal in a movie and you saw his substantial penis, and now you’re stoned, and you’re really really sorry about all this but it’s just how you feel!

[haxballfan-blog]

When You're Sad, Your Skin Is Sad

Correlation doesn't prove causation, but I can't help but notice that both times I’ve lived in my teenage bedroom I’ve felt especially sad. In high school, it was an angry sadness that sought attention. But when I came back to my parents house in March to ride out COVID, the sadness became deep and dull—about everything and nothing. I go to bed dreading the next day like it holds a big test I haven’t studied for. In the morning, I alternately jolt awake while it’s still dark, or tether myself to my comforter well into the workday. I’ve been very privileged in the ways I’ve experienced the past few months, but also very anxious. And actually, the CDC estimates that 40-percent of adults exhibit symptoms of anxiety or depressive disorders as of this past July. (In 2019, that number was 11-percent.) So, yes, I’m crying a lot more than usual; maybe you are too. I’m also breaking out more than usual—and you?

“Yes, stress causes you to break out,” says Dr. Amy Wechsler, who, as one of only a handful of doctors in the US board-certified in both dermatology and psychiatry, is uniquely qualified to answer questions about this kind of stuff—she even wrote the book on it. Dr. Wechsler cites a well-known study done on a college campus during exam week, where researchers found a strong correlation between stress and the severity of acne. “But exam period is like two weeks long, and when the exams go away the breakouts go away. Imagine if you had exam period for five months, you know? That’s like what we’re going through right now.”

According to Dr. Wechsler, the root of stress acne lies in a molecule called cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone that’s pumped out by the body to fight illness, control blood sugar levels, regulate metabolism, and influence memory formation. In general it’s anti-inflammatory, but when you’re stressed, your body responds by producing more cortisol than it would normally as part of the fight-or-flight response meant to keep you alert when you need to be. If that stress is prolonged, and you don’t have the proper coping mechanisms to deal with it, cortisol starts to act very inflammatory.

“Inflammation is the root cause of acne, and eczema, and psoriasis,” says Dr. Wechsler, who also adds that high levels of cortisol over a long period of time will break down collagen, the molecule in your skin that keeps it looking plump. “That’s why when people are really stressed out for a while, they look like they aged overnight.” For a good, obvious example of this phenomenon, take a look at a photo of President Obama in his first year as president compared to his last. Cortisol also weakens your skin’s natural barrier, so you’ll start to experience more transepidermal water loss. Several months of anxiety may leave you with a totally different skin type: even if your skin is normally oily, it will start to dry out and get more sensitive. Dr. Wechsler notes that when your barrier is compromised, your skin is more likely to react to something that normally wouldn’t cause a problem. “That’s when people say things like, ‘I’ve been using the same product forever, they haven’t changed their ingredients, but now I can’t tolerate it.’”

The tricky part about cortisol is that once levels are high, it can be difficult to bring them down on your own. At minimum, you need to make sure you’re getting an adequate amount of sleep each night, which can be difficult when you’re feeling anxious. “Cortisol is at its lowest for everybody during sleep, and healing molecules like beta-endorphins, growth hormones, and oxytocin,” a mood enhancer, “are always at their highest,” says Dr. Wechsler, who compares the molecules’ relationship to a see-saw. If you’re not getting much sleep, you’re not giving the anti-inflammatories a chance to catch up to the cortisol.

During the daytime, you can sort of hack your body chemicals by engaging in activities that directly trigger a release of those happy molecules. Completing your skincare routine floods your brain with dopamine, otherwise known as the “feel-good neurotransmitter.” So would cooking a complicated dinner, or organizing your bedroom, or finishing a book. A workout can help balance too-low endorphins, a fact I always felt was fallacy until I experienced my first runner’s high a few months ago. Not into exercise? Pop on a John Mulaney stand up special—any will do!—for a rush of endorphins you don’t have to sweat for. And to raise your oxytocin levels, turn down the lights and grab your vibrator. Sex drive can lower when you’re depressed, but each time you orgasm your body releases cortisol-lowering, calm-inducing oxytocin.

Of course, these things won’t stop you from feeling anxious, but they might help you feel a little bit better on the day-to-day, and you also may see a difference in your skin. “When people are very anxious, they feel this loss of control over what’s going on in their lives, and normal routines fall by the wayside because they feel unimportant,” Dr. Wechsler explains. “A skincare routine gives you back a little control,” she adds, conceding that, at the very least, 10 minutes of caring for yourself will feel better than reading the news, or scrolling through Instagram.

The absolute easiest, low-effort way to help balance cortisol? For a sad person at least, it’s crying. Scientists aren’t quite sure how or why, but studies show that a good crying session decreases cortisol levels. It was once widely believed that tears were a way to expel excess stress hormones, but now, most researchers think that the benefits of crying have to do with social signaling: just getting out the message that you’re in distress seems to help alleviate some of that distress. And, if you’re crying to somebody, they’re likely to give you a hug, rub your back, or stroke your hair—all triggers for oxytocin.

But while crying is good for the skin internally, it can leave your face feeling… not so great. Which is the reason I called Dr. Wechsler in the first place—I wear my recent crying obviously, and am left frantically icing my face before morning meetings and check-ins with family. Beyond how I look, my post-crying face hurts. My eyes get incredibly puffy, and I often find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place when I cry at night. It happens, without fail, after I do my skincare routine, and I wasn’t sure whether the salty tears left on my skin were further contributing to breakouts. To make my outsides match my insides after a solid catharsis, I wanted to figure out a post-crying best practice—a sad girl beauty routine, if you will.

What I’d learn is that your eyes work overtime to produce tears, which draws an abundance of blood to the surface of your eyelids. If you cry at night, that blood doesn’t have anywhere to go—it pools in your face when you’re lying flat. “If you’re crying during the day and you’re standing up and walking around, gravity will take the swelling from your eyelids, bring it down your face, and flush it out,” adds Dr. Wechsler. For those particularly concerned about morning puffiness, you can stay upright until the swelling subsides, or try Dr. Weschler’s favorite method. “Put a teaspoon in a glass of ice water, let it get really cold, and then take the back of the teaspoon and put it on your eyelid with a little bit of pressure. Both the cold and the pressure really help those blood vessels calm back down,” says Dr. Wechsler, who learned the tip from one of her model patients. Doing that right away will probably help prevent morning puffiness, but if you aren’t feeling up to it, just go to sleep and try to keep your head elevated with an extra pillow. You can always try the spoon trick (and some vertical action) in the morning.

As for the tears themselves, Dr. Wechsler recommends rinsing them off to abate dryness. If you’ve cried within a half hour of doing your skincare routine, you can rinse with a gentle cleanser (or water, if you think another wash will be too drying) and re-apply your skincare products. Otherwise, just rinse and moisturize again.

Remember how I mentioned cortisol is difficult to lower on your own? If you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety and depression, you might also consider seeking out the help of a trained therapist. While it’s easy to ruminate on how we look on the outside, it’s important to emphasize that this skin issue is indicative of a larger, internal problem. Aside from the auxiliary benefit of helping balance your skin, talking to someone can help alleviate the feelings of loneliness, grief, and uncertainty you might be feeling right now. Therapy for Black Girls, the National Queer & Trans Therapists of Color Network, and Open Path Collective all offer remote therapy options at accessible price points. You might also check out Psychology Today’s list of therapists, which is quite comprehensive—you can filter results by things like specialty, sexuality, and race. If you’re a Black woman, you can also apply for a grant from The Loveland Foundation to subsidize your sessions.

Knowing that my skin is feeling as vulnerable as I am right now, I’ve been taking it easy with my skincare. And the benefit is twofold: nixing breakout treatments lets my skin actually heal, and using fewer products means I’m more likely to actually do my routine (even when I don’t feel like it). I’ve noticed new pimples subsiding after fortifying my compromised skin barrier with products rich in ceramides, natural moisturizing factors, and lipids. I’ve also been chasing opportunities to feel good as often as I can, masked and tiptoeing around the border of my own shrunken comfort zone. Still the breakouts, and the tears, come in waves. But then again, they always have.