#I said it was satirical like ten times before I showed my friend the music video

[polly-w-but-slightly-worse]

Oingo Boingo fans be like:

So I made my friend who never heard of Danny Elfman listen to Little Girls with no context at all and for some reason they don't wanna be my friend anymore and I don't know the reason why

[hawaiian-has-moved]

you aren’t cannon. beetlebabes is more cannon than you. at least that shit was in the musical and movie and cartoon.

Need I remind you idiots, since I have already said I'm no longer being nice to you anymore.

That I do not give a damn what you think it looked like to you in that fucked up brain of yours, it's still p*dophilia. Man it's almost sad I live this rent free in your head for existing. I just exist and your blood boils. It's cute.

Anyway, Lydia is a minor in every version.

And if you think the wedding in the movie was romantic. Man every gross man I've cringed at for being a creepo must have been true love.

But see, that's the thing you people don't get huh? Consent. Consent does not exist to you. If it did you wouldn't fight when people say that Lydia is a minor and therefore cannot consent. It doesn't click because you found something hot about shipping this developing teen with this old as fuck perv.

But oh? Is that not enough for you, you cry, begging to justify your vile ship. Allow me to humor you and go through the other versions.

In fact! I'll analyze a whole song just for you.

Also please look at yet another picture of Lydia obviously not having it.

Way back when I was just ten

Simple and sweet

Everywhere, fellas would stare

Out on the street

And I felt used

Kinda confused

I would refuse to look in their eyes

But now I really love creepy old guys

This is kinda obvious, she's been preyed on before by men. So basic p*do trying to gr**m a kid scenario. But the satire to the song of course is that "it's all fine now" Which it's obviously not, she's just using this to trick him so they can send him back as an end goal.

We all do!

Gum disease

Skin like grilled cheese

Saggy old asses

(Saggy old asses)

Cute and vile

Hey baby, smile

To each girl that passes

They make me blush

(Can't get enough)

Now one of 'em loves me, wants to be mine

(That's right)

Marrying my own creepy old guy!

(I'm a creepy old guy)

This is just more playing out the satire of pretending it's okay, but with Beej chiming in because he already lacks the knowledge that this is grooming and it's not okay. Tricking him into thinking this is fine to end up killing him is a breeze.

My creepy old guy, my creepy old guy

I'm so happy I could cry

Girls may seem disgusted, but we're actually just shy

It's not uncommon that I've heard about or heard someone get told that they're just shy when a gross ass old man or someone is trying to gr**m a kid. It's gaslighting and manipulation in most cases. So for them to say that it's because they're actually just shy as part of the satire is the point.

My creepy old groom (creepy old groom)

Play that wedding tune

Hey folks, step aside

(I am older, but I'm glad I waited)

And if you've watched a bootleg, you would recall Barbara right here smiling and then turning away with eyes wide, like "this is not fucking okay" Kind of look on her face. But yeah this is another one of those phrases that you hear too often in these gross situations.

'Cause here comes the bride

I am marrying my creepy old guy

(Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy)

He's my creepy old guy

(Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy!)

Fix his hair

Get him prepared

For Armageddon

Again if you have seen a bootleg, here Lydia puts a finger to her lips and goes shhhh. Because Armageddon is Beejs death.

Sure, the groom

Crawled out of a tomb

But hey, hey, it's a wedding!

He's really fucking old guys. There is a huge age gap and this is p*dophilia.

So dim the lights

Pick up some rice

Say something nice

It's my day to shine

I'm getting hitched to my creepy old guy

(It's showtime)

Creepy old guy, creepy old guy

She's marrying a creepy old guy

Have you guys seen "Lolita"?

This is just like that, but fine

I have not seen Lolita, but I have been told it's similar to this who marriage scenario and is mega bad. Now if it were Lolita fashion, that is made to ward off men, so I assume it's a movie from what info I have.

Creepy old dude, creepy old dude

Our faith has been renewed

Now love is alive!

Wave your baby girl goodbye

I am walking down the aisle

I wanna see a tear in every eye as I pass by

I know that on the outside he's disgusting

And even on the inside, he's disgusting

This whole scenario is fucking vile. He's vile.

But I know that this time, I'm makin' it right

(Making it right, making it right!)

With my family by my side

O.M.G.

Dressed to a "T"

Fancy and formal

I found me a wife

L'chaim to life

This is so normal!

I was ignored

But now, I'm adored!

'Cause I extorted, tortured, and lied

Give it up for my underage bride!

They've done it, they have successfully tricked him into thinking this is okay with no funny business. But he's about to get stabbed. L'chaim to life is a nod at him being Jewish, also he had a Kippah in the DC version which backed this joke, but it fell off a lot ig so he doesn't have it now. Traditionally there was a lot of marrying women off to much older men for property and stuff, as most religions do/did tho. I was in a production of Fiddler on the roof for example and that was the whole premise.

Here comes the bride

Here comes the bride

God be glorified

I can't believe some cultures think this kind of thing's alright

My creepy old guy

My creepy old guy

Doesn't he deserve a chance at life?

Oh yeah, that's right

Yeah, that's right

So let's make him alive!

I am marrying my creepy old guy!

Guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy

Guy, guy, creepy old guy

Guy, guy

(I have chills)

Yeah!

And then they stab him and the till death do we part sign over the stage all makes sense now because the wedding vows are undone and since he's recently deceased he almost returns to the netherworld.

Etcetera etcetera... But of course you guys go tome deaf at that one when it plays if I remember right.

Oh right, the cartoon, of course, I knew just what you were thinking don't worry. You're thinking "oh well what about the comics, and the valentine cards! And and the animators who drew lewd stuff of Lydia!" Well.... Haha! Still p*dophilia! And also I have seen the infamous Lydia drawing and it's got her head shape, nose, lips, but it's not fully her. Even if it was again my first point, still p*dophilia. And yeah just because the people who worked on it drew it, doesn't make it suddenly okay. Ffs...

I couldn't even find a cartoon wedding that wasn't fan drawn to match this one. Because that doesn't exist! But I do have my favorite point to make.

Beetlejuice's look into Lydia's future in Pest O' the West.

Now why you b*bes were busy being p*dos and gr**ming kids on the internet into thinking this shit is okay, I was mastering the art of common fucking sense.

Beej makes a joking remark that he cannot see into the future while hiding from Bully the Crud, but when he does as per usual, his puns and phrases make his magic go to work. So a crystal ball appears in front of him showing the future in the images I've provided.

Lydia, doing a heaping pile of dishes as a ghost for bully and all of their kids, very unhappy and driven insane. Because imagine what being married to someone it's obviously wrong to be with would do to her mind. He hates seeing her like this, so he rushes to save her. Which he successfully does.

Toon is actually the one with canon evidence of this shit being not okay to him.

Also before anyone tries to say it, no the movie and cartoon aren't connected, she doesn't even live in Winter River in the cartoon that should have made it obvious. Besides she's like 14-16 in the movie. So I don't think she de-aged.

Lastly, two things that are off topic. I believe it's spelled canon, and before anyone goes saying fiction doesn't effect reality, I would like you to explain to me how being a Jedi is a official religion if that is so true.

See anon! I gave you my special, condescending talk that too two hours to type on my phone! You stalked me endlessly and I picked you as the special anon that, I didn't deletes ask for being a gross piece of shit in a minors ask box! Wow. That searching my name clicking on my asks, and typing out all that so I could live rent free in your head really.... Didn't work lol. I may have took two hours to type this, but I assure you I will forget about you in 2 days max. Because unlike you, I have better things to do than ship a minor with an ancient demon. Bye bye now, be sure to rant about me with pure rage to your house p*do friends so that my existence may spread further into other people's minds! Woo... Being famous is so tough. 😉

[cali-holland]

Interview Trouble- Tom Holland Mini Series

Pairing: Tom Holland X Reader

Prompt: You and Tom spend a lot of time during interviews denying your secret relationship.

Word Count: 2000

Based On: I Hate Love Songs by Kelsea Ballerini

Warning: a tiny tiny bit of sexual implications

Masterlist    Tom Holland Masterlist

*Gif is not mine*

~~~

“Y/N, you’re on in ten.” Your assistant told you through your dressing room door.

“Be out in a minute!” You called back to her before returning to your phone.

“How do I look?” You asked Tom through FaceTime.

“Beautiful.” He beamed, making you blush. “Do I look alright?”

“You’re going to the pub, you’re not going to an interview.” You teased, “But you look great.”

“Hurry up and come home, darling. It’s not the same without you here.” Tom pouted.

“Three more days.” You told him. “I have to go before they ask why I’m taking so long.”

“I love you.” He replied, blowing a kiss to the camera.

“I love you too.” You blew a kiss back before hanging up the phone. You let out a sigh as you set your phone down and double checked your appearance in the mirror.

Six months ago, you and Tom began your relationship, but decided to keep it out of the public eye. Even before you were dating, there were rumors that you two were an item, so you both knew it’d be better to keep your privacy. With you being a successful musician and Tom being a successful actor, your differing schedules kept you quite busy, but you always managed to find a few days to see each other. 

You exited your dressing room and were ushered on stage for your interview with Ellen. Smiling and waving, you walked out onto stage as music played and the audience cheered. You gave Ellen a welcoming hug and took a seat in your chair.

“Welcome back. It’s nice to see you again.” Ellen greeted you.

“Thank you for having me back. I love coming here.” You smiled.

The interview started off simple with questions asking about your new album. It wasn’t until after the commercial break that the interview steered into dangerous territory with you.

“Your lead single is called “I Hate Love Songs”.” Ellen started and you nodded, letting out a nervous laugh, “So, would you not consider yourself a hopeless romantic then?”

“I think I have some hopeless romantic qualities, but not the big cliche ones. I wrote the song as more of a sweet, satire about love songs.”

“Did you write it with anyone in mind?” She asked teasingly.

“No, I don’t think so.” You laughed. You could feel your cheeks warming up because you definitely wrote that song with Tom as your inspiration.

“You don’t think so? What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. I thought maybe you expected me to have someone in mind. I don’t need to have a boyfriend to write a love song.”

“So you’re single then?”

“Yes.” You lied.

“You’re saying yes, but you’re blushing very hard right now. Anyway, I thought I could help you out with ‘Who’d You Rather?’” She teased.

“Okay.” You let out a laugh and watched as the screen pulled up two photos.

“So, Joe Keery or Timothee Chalamet?”

“Oh, I love Joe so much, but I think I’m going with Timmy.” You stated.

“Alright, Timmy. Timmy or Shawn Mendes?”

“I know Shawn, though.”

“So Shawn?”

“I’ll go with Shawn because I know him personally.”

“You know, this is dating and it’s not real. But anyway,” Ellen said, and you held back a laugh as Tom’s picture came on screen. The cheers from the audience increased as everyone had heard the rumors, “Shawn or Tom Holland?”

“Tom’s a good friend too, though.” You replied.

“Rumor has it you know him well.” She joked, making you laugh.

“Do you want me to pick Tom? Is that what this is?” You asked.

“I’m just saying.” She shrugged teasingly.

“We’ll go with Tom then.” You nodded as the cheering increased.

“Tom or Ryan Gosling?”

“I’ll go with Tom still.” Your somewhat fast response made even Ellen laugh. A few rounds later, you were still on Tom. You knew you had to switch off of him before you said anything too consequential. You also knew that Tom would watch this interview and you were entertained by the thought of him figuring out you chose someone else over him.

“Tom or Niall Horan?” Ellen asked you.

“Ooh,” You let out, thinking about it. “So you see, Niall was always my favorite in One Direction.”

“Is Niall beating out Tom finally? Is Tom going to be upset with that?” You could tell where she was going, trying to get you to spill something about your life.

“Why would Tom be upset?” You replied.

“Well, you know.” Ellen hinted.

“I gotta go with Niall.” You smiled with a shrug, playing off her attempts. The line of photos ended there, signaling the end of the game.

“So I got Niall?” You asked.

“Yes, unless you want to go back and choose Tom.” She offered.

“I’m fine with Niall.”

The next day, you got a call from Tom that began with “So Niall Horan is my competition?”

~~~

Before you could go back to London, you did a Carpool Karaoke session with James Corden. After going through the basic interview questions and a few songs, James shifted the interview’s focus onto your personal life.

“Now, how often do you get to go out and watch a movie? You know, actually go to the cinema and see a film?” James asked.

“I wouldn’t say I go often, but I go whenever there’s a good film out that I really want to see.” You said, already knowing where this was headed.

“Do you go see Marvel movies in cinema? I heard you’re a fan.”

“I try to go see those so that they aren’t spoiled for me. It’s really difficult though because so many people go see them. I’d have to be really inconspicuous.”

“Who would you say is your favorite superhero?”

“That’s tough.” You sighed. Feeling in the mood to tease the fans out there, “I think I’d say Spider-Man. He’s always been so relatable.”

“You don’t have another underlying reason for picking Spider-Man?” James asked with a laugh.

“Nope, definitely not.” You laughed.

“Now, do you currently have a favorite actor?”

“My favorite? That’s a difficult one.” You stated, thinking it through.

“There’s not one specific actor that comes to mind? Not even one specific brunet British actor that you hang out with a lot, who even plays Spider-Man?” James pressed.

“You sound like you have one in mind.” You teased.

“I think I’d go with Tom Holland right now. What do you think about him?”

“He’s a good friend and a good actor too. I’ll say he’s my favorite if you want me to.”

“Would you ever date an actor like Tom?”

“I don’t know.” You stated.

“Is that you actually don’t know or you don’t want to say anything that will lead to rumors?”

“I normally don’t have to say anything for rumors to start.” You joked, making him laugh.

“I think you just started some right there.” He laughed as the music started up again. You knew that this video would spark so many rumors just with that comment.

~~~

A few days later, you and Tom were celebrating you coming back to town. You were at a club in London and definitely thought that the two of you were being sneakier with your actions. You were so caught up in how much you loved Tom that, for a night, you forgot you were trying to be discreet about your relationship; so caught up that you and Tom both thought that you were safe making out in a corner of a crowded club before making your way to a vip room together. That was an issue saved for the next day.

“Tom, answer your damn phone before I throw it out the window.” You mumbled into his chest as he began to wake up.

“Good morning to you too.” Tom chucked. He kissed the top of your head before stretching over to grab his phone from the nightstand.

“Holy shit.” He breathed out, blinking rapidly as his phone continued to get flooded with texts, emails, and all other sorts of notifications.

“What happened?” You asked, sitting up and stretching so he could fully sit up.

“Someone saw us last night.” Tom said, showing you the latest video trending on Twitter. It was the two of you from the club; Tom had you pushed up against the wall with his hands running over your butt as you pulled on his hair. The video ended with you two making your way to the private room. The video was poor quality, but there was no denying who it was. By the end of it, both of you sported messed up hair and Tom was basically wearing your lipstick. You felt sick to your stomach thinking that millions of people have seen that by now.

“I have Graham Norton tonight, and I know I’ll be asked about it.” He groaned.

“There’s no way we can play that off.” You sighed, “I didn’t want to go public yet.”

“I know. I liked having this secret.” Tom ran an anxious hand through his hair.

“You’ve dodged relationship questions before. It’ll be fine.” You gave him a reassuring kiss.

“God, I hope so. I should call my manager. It might be good if you did that too.” He said and you nodded, knowing he was right.

Your managers both came to the same conclusion: don’t discuss it and act like it didn’t happen. Both of you had brushed off relationship rumors before; this was just more difficult to ignore.

Sitting on the couch among a few other celebrities, Tom felt himself feeling more nervous than usual.

“So, Tom, how are you feeling today?” Graham asked right off the bat.

“I’m feeling good. Thanks.” Tom nodded, letting out a nervous laugh.

“You didn’t have too rough of a night? Not hungover or sore or anything?”

“No, my night was fine.”

“Oh, ‘fine’ is how you’d describe it?” Graham turned to the audience, “I don’t know if anyone heard, but Tom had a pretty interesting night.” A photograph of you and Tom last night appeared on screen, causing the audience to cheer. “Y/N just said she was single a few days ago; did you make a move last night or was this a pre-established thing?”

“I don’t- no.” Tom laughed, scratching his neck in an anxious manner. “Photoshop these days, man. Incredible.”

“So that wasn’t a video of you and Y/N getting it on in public?” He teased.

“Definitely not.” Tom shook his head. “Y/N and I are just good friends.”

“I wonder how many girls are out there wanting to be your good friend.” Graham joked, before moving on to ask Tom about his movie. And for that, Tom was grateful.

~~~

“Are you sure about this?” Tom asked, squeezing your hands gently.

“Yes, it’s time we just get it over with. They already know.” You laughed lightly, making him chuckle as well.

You and Tom had decided to finally go public with your relationship by confirming it in the music video for your latest single, “I Hate Love Songs”. You filmed it a few weeks ago, and it would be released today.

Tom held you as you watched over the video one last time before your team posts it. In the video, you walked through the usual cliche scenes of love stories: catching bouquets, romantic movie nights, and kissing in the rain. At the end of the video, the camera cut over to you as you walked over to a large bed. You laid down and winked at the camera, before Tom appeared next to you and pulled you into a kiss.

“What do you think?” You asked as the video ended.

“I love it. And I love you.” Tom smiled.

“I love you too.” You kissed before giving your team the okay to release it. You stayed cuddled up in Tom’s arms as you watched the different reactions flood in. As expected, the media went crazy with the confirmation and the fans were living for the fact that you two were actually together.

~~~

Part Two

[hms-chill]

RWRB Study Guide: Chapter 10

Hi y’all! I’m going through Casey McQuiston’s Red, White & Royal Blue and defining/explaining references! Feel free to follow along, or block the tag #rwrbStudyGuide if you’re not interested!

Earl Grey (267): Earl Grey tea is an incredibly common caffeinated tea. It is the base of a London fog.

Hamilton to Laurens, “you should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent” (267): This quote is from an April 1779 letter and is immediately followed by “But, as you have done it, and as we are generally indulgent to those we love, I shall not scruple to pardon the fraud you have committed, on one condition; that for my sake, of not your own, you will always continue to merit the partiality, which you have so artfully instilled into me”. Essentially, “you were rude to me, but I love you so much I forgive you as long as you look after yourself”. Just before it, Hamilton’s like “you taught me what it means to love”. (You can find it here)

Pyramus and Thisbe (268): The pair of lovers whose story inspired Romeo and Juliet, they were separated and could only talk through a wall between their houses (I’ve written a very in-depth analysis of this myth, which you can find here).

Dulles International to Heathrow (268): Dulles International is the airport in Washington, DC, and Heathrow is the classy airport in London.

John Cusack (270): An American actor largely known for his roles in the 1980s. This line in particular likely references Say Anything..., a romantic comedy known in part for a scene where Cusack’s character stands outside a girl’s window and plays music from a boombox.

Y’all had to marry your cousins (270): A reference to the royal tradition of only marrying other royals, which led to a whole lot of inbreeding.

Consummation (275): To consummate a marriage is to have sex for the first time, therefore making it “official”. 

Wilde’s complete works (276): Oscar Wilde is an Irish author famous for writing satires and also defining gay culture in the late 1800s. 

Fit of pique (277): If someone does something in a fit of pique, they do it spontaneously and out of anger at being wronged.

Mr. Darcy brooding at Pemberley (278): In Austen’s Pride and Prejudice (spoilers, though it’s been out for 207 years), after Elizabeth rejects Darcy’s first marriage proposal (which is essentially “your family sucks but you’re hot; marry me”), he goes back to the house his family owns and thinks about it and misses her.

Anmer Hall (278): A house owned by the Crown in Norfolk, England; it is currently home to Prince William, Duke of Cambridge.

Mel and Sue (280): A comedy duo and hosts of The Great British Bake Off. Sue was outed in 2002, but claims that “being a lesbian is only about the 47th most interesting thing about me”.

South Kensington (284): A district of West London known for its high density of museums and cultural landmarks.

Prince Consort Road (284): Prince Consort Road is a street in London named after Prince Albert, consort to Queen Victoria. A consort is a royal’s spouse or partner (hence Alex laughing at the idea of his being a prince’s consort)

Ferris Bueller/ Sloane (284-285): Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is a popular movie from the 1980s about Ferris, who skips school for a day of wild shenanigans in Chicago. Sloane is his girlfriend who’s roped in for the ride. 

Victoria and Albert Museum* (285): The Victoria and Albert Museum, often abbreviated “V&A”, is the world’s largest museum of applied and decorative art and design. (you can explore their collections here)

Renaissance City (285): Room 50a of the V&A is full of Renaissance sculptures. (photo here) 

Seated Buddha in black stone (285): The V&A has a bunch of Buddha sculptures, but this one is the only one I saw that’s in black stone.

John the Baptist nude and in bronze (285): Possibly this piece from 1881 by French sculptor Auguste Rodin and is in the V&A’s collection.

Tipu’s Tiger (285): A nearly life-sized semi-automaton that shows a tiger mauling a man in European clothes. The tiger makes growling sounds and the man screams and waves his hand when a handle on the side is turned; it also contains a small pipe organ on the inside and was created to show the power that the Tipu Sultan of India held over invading Brits. The “give it back” that Catherine argues for is officially called repatriation, it would mean that (Western) museums have to give back stolen objects; British museums are famously bad at doing this. (see Tipu’s Tiger here)

Westminster (286): Westminster Abbey, a church in London where royals are crowned and buried. It is covered with intricate carvings and beautiful stained glass.

The Great Bed of Ware (286): A bed made by Hans Vredeman de Vries from the 1590s; it is ten feet wide and made of oak. (see it here)

Twelfth Night (286): A Shakespeare comedy full of chaos that includes a woman cross-dressing, then her twin brother being mistaken for her. 

Epocoene (286): A 1609 play that includes a boy dressing as a woman to dupe a man into giving his son an acceptable inheritance. 

Don Juan (286): A Spanish figure known for his powers for wooing women; the first text published about him was in the 1630s.

Florence (287): Florence is a city known for its art; it was the cultural center of the Italian renaissance. 

Gothic choir screen in the V&A’s Renaissance City (287): This Roodloft, or choir screen, carved by Coenraed van Norenberch is in the back of the Renaissance City in the V&A. It’s a stunning piece; the link above has great pictures and a more in-depth description than I could give.

Zephyr statue by Francavilla (287): You can see this statue here; it was one of thirteen statues commissioned for the garden of a villa near Florence. According to Greek mythology, Zephyr (the west wind) was married to Chloris, goddess of flowers.

Narcissus (by Cioli) (287): This statue may have once been the centerpiece to a fountain with Narcissus looking into an actual pool; it depicts him in the moment he sees and is mesmerised by his reflection.

Pluto stealing Proserpina (287): Likely the statue “The Rape of Proserpina” by Vincenzo de' Rossi. I couldn’t find it on the V&A’s site, but there’s more info here.

Jason with the Golden Fleece (287): This is a sculpture of a very naked Jason, the Greek hero who stole the golden fleece. He was helped by its owner’s daughter, who was in love with him, but whom he later abandoned. You can see the statue here.

Samson Slaying a Philistine (287): You can see this statue here. Henry does a pretty good job of explaining the incredible history behind it; all I have to add from my (limited) research is that it is remarkable in part for the fact that there is no one point on it that draws the eye-- it demands to be looked at completely or not at all.

Victoria and sodomy laws (288): Queen Victoria famously instituted a whole lot of anti-sodomy laws.

Viau on James/George (288): A 1623 poem by Théophile de Viau:

“Apollo with his songs

Debauched young Hyacinthus

Just as Corydon fucked Amyntas,

So Caesar did not spurn boys.

One man fucks Monsieur le Grand de Bellegarde [a friend of Viau],

Another fucks the Comte de Tonnerre.

And it is well known that the King of England

Fucks the Duke of Buckingham.”

“Christ had John, and I have George” (288): This is an actual thing that James I/VI said to the heads of the church. Here’s the full quote, from wikipedia (emphasis is my own): “I, James, am neither a god nor an angel, but a man like any other. Therefore I act like a man and confess to loving those dear to me more than other men. You may be sure that I love the Earl of Buckingham more than anyone else, and more than you who are here, assembled. I wish to speak in my own behalf and not to have it thought to be a defect, for Jesus Christ did the same, and therefore I cannot be blamed. Christ had John, and I have George.”

George iii (289): George III was the king against whom the American colonies revolted. He was deeply religious and instituted laws declaring that royals could not marry without the approval of the court.

Convent church of Santa Chiara in Florence (290): This church is no longer a church, but the altar chapel is in an alcove in the V&A. It is the only Italian Renaissance chapel outside of Italy. (you can see photos of it here and here)

Santa Chiara and Saint Francis of Assisi (290): Saint Francis of Assisi founded a few different monastic orders and is one of the most celebrated saints; Saint Clare of Assisi founded a women’s monastic order and wrote the first set of monastic guidelines by a woman. 

Blessed Mother (290): Mary, the mother of Jesus, one of the holiest figures in Catholicism. 

“Come, hijo mío, de la miel, porque es Buena, and the honeycomb sweet to thy taste”** (290): “My son, eat thou honey, because it is good; and the honeycomb, which is sweet to thy taste. So shall the knowledge of wisdom be unto thy soul: when thou hast found it, then there shall be a reward, and thy expectation shall not be cut off” -- Proverbs 24:13-14, King James Version (yes, that King James. He translated the Bible to make the church stop hating him). 

David and Jonathan (290): An aggressively gay couple from the Bible who have been presented as friends for centuries. Jonathan was a prince and David a shepherd, but God promised that David would be king one day. Rather than argue this or hate David for it, Jonathan welcomed David into his household and loved him despite the prophecy that he would one day usurp him. Following Jonathan’s death, David took in Jonathan’s son and looked after him. 

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen (291): Many Christian prayers end with “in the name of the Father, the son, and of the Holy Spirit, amen”. It’s a way of celebrating the god who gives you all of the good things in your life while also giving up control to them. 

------

A fill in from chapter 1, as requested by someone on AO3: 

Deputy Chief of Staff (Zahra’s position, 23): The Deputy Chief of Staff is the top aide to the president’s top aide, and is responsible for ensuring that everything runs smoothly within the bureaucracy of the White House. 

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*This museum puts out books called “maker’s guides” that teach you how to make pieces based on things in their collections; they’re super duper cool.

**I’m not a theologian, but I am a pastor’s kid, and just... this gets me. This whole bit, but this Proverb especially. Like obviously there’s the “oh we’re kissing and I’m thinking about honey tasting sweet”, but verse 14 coming in with the “when you’ve found what’s right, you will be rewarded with the confidence of that rightness and you will have hope”? Just kill me outright next time. Don’t make me google my own murder weapon.

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If there’s anything I missed or that you’d like more on, please let me know! And if you’d like to/are able, please consider buying me a ko-fi? I know not everyone can, and that’s fine, but these things take a lot of time/work and I’d really appreciate it!

—–-

Chapter 1 // Chapter 9 // Chapter 11 

[letterboxd]

Lady Sex Pirate.

Rising star Beanie Feldstein, author Caitlin Moran and producer Alison Owen talk about bringing Moran’s semi-autobiographical novel How to Build a Girl to the screen. The coming-of-age comedy, set amidst the early-90s Britpop scene, landed virtually at IFC Films this month.

In How to Build a Girl, Beanie Feldstein (Lady Bird, Booksmart) plays Johanna Morrigan, a working-class teen from Wolverhampton confident that she’s destined for greater things. Johanna blags her way into a job as a music critic, gives herself the pseudonym ‘Dolly Wilde’, and has a quick rise to infamy by finding ever more creative ways to trash the music and musicians she’s reviewing.

Johanna hits the ropes when her monstrous alter ego causes problems at work and pain for her family. One cringeworthy moment sees her slinging insults at her parents and beloved brother, like “See how you manage without me, Ringo, Ringo and Ringo. F—k you all.”

Directed by Coky Giedroyc and also starring Paddy Considine, Chris O’Dowd, Emma Thompson and some “good Alfie Allen representation”, How to Build a Girl is really Beanie Feldstein’s show. She carries the sex-positive portrait of an ambitious young woman in the early-90s London music scene; a time before social media, when all-powerful British music magazines could anoint legends or kill a career with a single one-paragraph review.

As a statement on cultural criticism, writes Gavin on Letterboxd, How To Build a Girl “takes a crop of the media’s most hated contributors—critics—and then chisels away at them with maniacal and sometimes savage satire”. Johanna’s attempts to break into the media boys’ club, CinemaBabel writes, “is sure to resonate with many young women [who] have found themselves with the attention from those they’ve craved, especially men, only to find themselves hollower and [more] alone than they ever were at their lowest point”. Siobhan agrees, writing that the film is “perfect for girls who spent their years dreaming about getting out of the suburbs for something bigger and better”.

As is the way with adaptations, some aspects of the novel get short shrift in the film (Johanna’s home life, the collateral damage she leaves in her wake). For some, there’s also an ick-factor in seeing a sixteen-year-old shagging older blokes in the current #MeToo context, but that is part of the point Caitlin Moran is making. The film is set in 1993—long before #TimesUp—and Johanna’s workmates are intended to come off as “a bunch of creeps”.

At the film’s TIFF premiere last year, Letterboxd’s editor-in-chief Gemma Gracewood met up with the creative team for a chat about bringing the novel—the first in a trilogy about Johanna Morrigan’s adventures in music and love—to life.

Beanie Feldstein as Johanna Morrigan as Dolly Wilde, with her rock critic colleagues.

There’s so much love for Booksmart and Lady Bird on Letterboxd. What will fans of those films enjoy about How to Build a Girl? Beanie Feldstein: Oh, it’s such a beautiful coming-of-age story about a girl that’s never had that story told before. Obviously it’s loosely based on Caitlin’s life and she is literally my feminist hero! I mean, she’s like my aunt or sister at this point but I still shake around her because I just love her so much.

Truly, the way she extends a hand out to young women and says “I’ve got you and I’ve been there and you can own your experience, whatever that experience may be, and that is beautiful” is so special. It was the biggest honor of my life, and the biggest challenge too. Because I’m not from Wolverhampton, England, and I’ve never, you know, walked out in a bikini made of trash bags before!

It’s really the most beautiful coming-of-age story. So much heart, so much humor, and really touching at moments in a way that I think is unexpected. And it’s really sort of three different movies in one: you have the beautiful family story, you have all the boys at the magazine workplace, and then you have John Kite [played by Alfie Allen], and it just sweeps you off your feet as an audience member.

You are making films that so many girls get to experience as part of their own coming of age. What films did you love, growing up? BF: I grew up obsessed with Funny Girl. Fanny Brice is my idol! But there’s so many that I cherish. Bridesmaids, my senior year of high school, was, like, the best movie ever. It was the most memorable theater-going experience of my life. But what I love about How to Build a Girl is that I’ve done so many films about friendship, which I love and cherish and is so important to me, but I feel like it was really interesting to explore what happens when a girl doesn’t have friends at that time in her life. I feel like that’s also a very important story, because not everyone has those people. Not everyone’s lucky enough to find their Lady Bird or their Amy, and so it was very special for me—and also very scary, I’m out here alone!

If there’s to be a film trilogy, are you in? BF: Of course! I mean, she’s my girl! I feel so protective of Johanna and I love her so much.

Caitlin Moran with Beanie Feldstein (left) at the ‘How to Build a Girl’ red carpet at TIFF 2019.

It’s so powerful to see the sex-positivity in How To Build a Girl. It feels like we’re finally getting a run of films that show young, female sexuality in a positive light, rather than as a force of darkness. Caitlin Moran: Well that was the key thing! I just felt that every film that I’d watched that was about female sexuality was like, the women would be punished for it. Like, you either get bummed over some bins or you just regret it or it just becomes very sour. I just wanted to see a girl who’s in control of her sexuality, who’s curious, who wants to go out and have sex adventures. She’s a ‘lady sex pirate’, that’s her whole thing. She just wants to go out and have adventures and gather her memories. Beanie looks incredible in this. You’ve never seen a girl that looks like Beanie, wearing her clothes and owning her sexuality and owning her physicality. It’s joyful in every single way. It makes my heart sing.

The soundtrack is soaked in 90s bangers. Did the songs make it to the soundtrack because you insisted they be in there? Did you personally ask the artists for their permission? CM: Oh, absolutely. We wrote the whole script with all the music cues in it and 90 percent of those are in [the film]. It’s set in 1993 in London, so it’s an incredibly exciting time for rock’n’roll. We’ve got Elastica in there, we’ve got Happy Mondays, Primal Scream, Manic Street Preachers—this big rush of music.

And then John Kite is a singer-songwriter, and a very talented one. And we were like, “Oh my god, we’re going to have to get songs for him to sing!” And so I rang my friend Guy Garvey from Elbow and said, “Could you write us a song?” And he wrote us a song called ‘Day-Making Girl’, which, on his first day on set, Alfie had to sing a capella to a thousand people and absolutely nailed it in one. So it turns out Lily Allen isn’t the only rock star in that family. He sings like an angel!

You’ve written newspaper columns, books of essays, novels, and now your first screenplay (with John Niven). Which screenwriters’ work have you loved through the years? CM: Oh my gosh. Who do I really love? If you read the scripts of Bruce Robinson, who did Withnail and I, and How to get Ahead in Advertising, those scripts read beautifully. If you actually read them as scripts, all the description is there, he describes the sky looking the color of burnt sugar, and that’s someone who’s really enjoying writing and you feel that vivacity come through on the page and in the character of Withnail, so I love Bruce Robinson’s scripts.

More recently, who do I love? Juno was my favorite film of the last ten years—just the way that that story was told just made me incredibly happy. I just love Diablo Cody so much. When you read her stuff you feel her heart, sometimes her groin! And her massively exploding soul! So that’s what I’m always looking for. I just want to see things on screen that look real, that someone went, “I’m going to have to write this or bust.” I hate films that look like someone went, “Oh, we’d better make a film that looks like a film.” I want people to have sat down and done a list of things where they’re like, “What would I like to see on screen that I’ve never seen before?”

And that’s what we tried to do with How to Build a Girl. When I was writing the book, it was just a list of things that I’d never heard anybody talk about with girls. At the time that was, like, masturbation, sexual experimentation, optimism, confidence, being working class and making your way up from scratch. Finding a rock star that isn’t a clichéd druggy rock star. He’s actually a good, working-class boy who becomes a great friend. I’ve never seen that. Usually if a rock star character turns up in a film or a book, they’re going to be a bad ’un. And in our John Kite, he’s just a good boy and a friend. So yeah, I just ticked everything off both with the book and the film: “Yeah, we’ve done all these things.”

Producer Alison Owen.

What was the moment you knew you had to option Caitlin’s novel? Alison Owen: When I read her first book [of essays], which was How to Be a Woman, for me it was like the freaking Bible or something. Caitlin’s writing is every argument I’ve ever had with anyone at dinner or at a party. I thought, ‘If I just carry this book around with me the whole time, every time I have a row with someone about feminism I can pull it out and I can just quote it to them and I’ll have the answers.’ She’s much more articulate and intelligent than me!

But of course How to Be a Woman was quite tricky as a conversion into a film or a television series as it’s more of a how-to manual than it is a story. So I was really excited about How to Build a Girl because there’s a real story there. It’s got a spine and a shape that you can make into a movie. So I was like, yes, that’s the one we’re going to do.

The moment I read How to Build a Girl, I wanted to option it, but that was already optioned. And then by the time her second one came out [How To Be Famous], the option on that first one had lapsed, and so I scooped in and optioned all of them.

Laurie Kynaston (as Krissie Morrigan) and Beanie Feldstein (as Johanna Morrigan) read Laurie’s zine, featuring cover star Alfie Allen (as 90s heartthrob John Kite).

Did you always imagine the very Californian Beanie Feldstein as the one to play this teenager from Wolverhampton? AO: Well that was crazy. Obviously, we assumed we would be on a kind of street search, because we knew we weren’t going to find a ‘name’ to play a sixteen-year-old girl from Wolverhampton. Shaheen Baig, our casting director, was doing workshops and street casting and open casting and casting calls and this was all going on and we kept finding really good people, but nobody that would hold a movie for 100 minutes.

And then, I am on the board of the Savannah Film Festival. I went to Savannah and there was an early screening of Lady Bird, and the second I came out of that cinema I called Coky and I was like, “I found Johanna!” And she was like “What do you mean? We’re trying to cast a sixteen-year-old from Wolverhampton! You’re trying to cast a 25-year-old girl from California? What are you talking about?!” I said, “Just wait till you see it. She’s Johanna.”

We got Beanie to Skype with Coky, and Coky was bowled away straight away. She really just has all the qualities of Johanna. That kind of boundless joy and optimism and wonder that you need from that character. She’s got to be quite horrible, so you need someone who is innately likeable so that you don’t go off her at that point. You’ve got to keep hold of that washing line all through that movie.

How to Build a Girl is all about a young woman discovering who she is, both professionally and personally. With your abundant screen credits, what advice do you have for young women wanting to step up into producing? AO: I think just believe in yourself and be tenacious. You know, it’s such a young industry. That’s what I always say when I speak to students or young people and they’re like, “How do I ever get to do what you do?” I’m like, “You’re much better placed to do it than I am! I’m 58! Nobody wants me anymore!” You guys, you know what you’re watching and what all your friends are watching and the things that are going to turn you on. Believe in those, because that’s what’s going to sell. It’s a market.

Related content

Teenage Wasteland: A Comprehensive List of Coming-of-Age Films

Vanessa’s Bumper List of Films Directed by Women

The Official Letterboxd Top 100 Films Directed by Women

‘How to Build a Girl’ is available in the US now via IFC Films.

[theuncannytruthteller]

Ethel Waters (October 31, 1896 – September 1, 1977) was an American blues, jazz and gospel singer and actress.

She frequently performed jazz, big band, and pop music, on the Broadway stage and in concerts, but she began her career in the 1920s singing blues.

Her best-known recordings include "Dinah," "Stormy Weather," "Taking a Chance on Love," "Heat Wave," "Supper Time," "Am I Blue?" and "Cabin in the Sky," as well as her version of the spiritual "His Eye Is on the Sparrow." Waters was the second African American, after Hattie McDaniel, to be nominated for an Academy Award. She was also the first African-American woman to be nominated for an Emmy Award, in 1962.

Waters was born in Chester, Pennsylvania, on October 31, 1896, as a result of the rape of her teenaged mother, Louise Anderson (believed to have been 13 years old at the time, although some sources indicate she may have been slightly older), by John Waters, a pianist and family acquaintance from a mixed-race middle-class background. He played no role in raising Ethel. Soon after she was born, her mother married railroad worker Norman Howard. Ethel used the surname Howard as a child, before reverting to her father's name of Waters. She was raised in poverty and never lived in the same place for more than 15 months. She said of her difficult childhood, "I never was a child. I never was cuddled, or liked, or understood by my family."

Waters grew tall, standing 5' 9½" in her teens. According to women-in-jazz historian and archivist Rosetta Reitz, Waters's birth in the North and her peripatetic life exposed her to many cultures.

Waters married at the age of 13, but her husband was abusive, and she soon left the marriage and became a maid in a Philadelphia hotel, working for $4.75 per week. On her 17th birthday, she attended a costume party at a nightclub on Juniper Street. She was persuaded to sing two songs and impressed the audience so much that she was offered professional work at the Lincoln Theatre in Baltimore. She later recalled that she earned the rich sum of ten dollars a week, but her managers cheated her out of the tips her admirers threw on the stage.

After her start in Baltimore, Waters toured on the black vaudeville circuit. As she described it later, "I used to work from nine until unconscious." Despite her early success, she fell on hard times and joined a carnival, traveling in freight cars along the carnival circuit and eventually reaching Chicago. Waters enjoyed her time with the carnival and recalled, "the roustabouts and the concessionaires were the kind of people I'd grown up with, rough, tough, full of larceny towards strangers, but sentimental and loyal to their friends and co-workers." She did not last long with them, though, and soon headed south to Atlanta, where she worked in the same club with Bessie Smith. Smith demanded that Waters not compete in singing blues opposite her. Waters conceded and sang ballads and popular songs. Around 1919, Waters moved to Harlem and there became a celebrity performer in the Harlem Renaissance of the 1920s.

Waters obtained her first Harlem job at Edmond's Cellar, a club with a black patronage. She specialized in popular ballads and became an actress in a blackface comedy, Hello 1919. The jazz historian Rosetta Reitz pointed out that by the time Waters returned to Harlem in 1921, women blues singers were among the most powerful entertainers in the country. In 1921, Waters became the fifth black woman to make a record, on the tiny Cardinal Records label. She later joined Black Swan Records, where Fletcher Henderson was her accompanist. Waters later commented that Henderson tended to perform in a more classical style than she preferred, often lacking "the damn-it-to-hell bass."

She recorded with Black Swan from 1921 through 1923. In early 1924, Paramount bought the Black Swan label, and she stayed with Paramount through that year. She first recorded for Columbia Records in 1925, achieving a hit with "Dinah," which was voted a Grammy Hall of Fame Award in 1998. Soon after, she started working with Pearl Wright, and together they toured in the South. In 1924, Waters played at the Plantation Club on Broadway. She also toured with the Black Swan Dance Masters. With Earl Dancer, she joined what was called the "white time" Keith Vaudeville Circuit, a traditional white-audience based vaudeville circuit performing for white audiences and combined with screenings of silent movies. They received rave reviews in Chicago and earned the unheard of salary of US $1,250 in 1928. In 1929, Waters and Pearl Wright arranged the unreleased Harry Akst song "Am I Blue?," which then appeared in the movie On with the Show and became a hit and her signature song.

Although she was considered a blues singer during the pre-1925 period, Waters belonged to the vaudeville style of Mamie Smith, Viola McCoy, and Lucille Hegamin. While with Columbia, she introduced many popular standards, including "Dinah," "Heebie Jeebies," "Sweet Georgia Brown," "Someday, Sweetheart," "Am I Blue?" and "(What Did I Do to Be So) Black and Blue" on the popular series, while she continued to sing blues ("West End Blues," "Organ Grinder Blues," etc.) on Columbia's 14000 race series. During the 1920s, Waters performed and was recorded with the ensembles of Will Marion Cook and Lovie Austin. As her career continued, she evolved toward being a blues and Broadway singer, performing with artists such as Duke Ellington. She remained with Columbia through 1931. She signed with Brunswick Records in 1932 and remained until 1933, when she went back to Columbia. She signed with Decca Records in late 1934 for only two sessions, as well as a single session in early 1938. She recorded for the specialty label Liberty Music Shop Records in 1935 and again in 1940. In 1938 and 1939, she recorded for Bluebird.

In 1933, Waters appeared a satirical all-black film, Rufus Jones for President, which featured the child performer Sammy Davis Jr. as Rufus Jones. She went on to star at the Cotton Club, where, according to her autobiography, she "sang 'Stormy Weather' from the depths of the private hell in which I was being crushed and suffocated." She had a featured role in the wildly successful Irving Berlin Broadway musical revue As Thousands Cheer in 1933, in which she was the first black woman in an otherwise white show. She had three gigs at this point; in addition to the show, she starred in a national radio program and continued to work in nightclubs. She was the highest-paid performer on Broadway at that time. MGM hired Lena Horne as the ingenue in the all-black musical Cabin in the Sky, and Waters starred as Petunia in 1942, reprising her stage role of 1940. The film, directed by Vincente Minnelli, was a success.

She began to work with Fletcher Henderson again in the late 1940s. She was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for the film Pinky (1949), under the direction of Elia Kazan, after the original director, John Ford, quit over disagreements with Waters. According to producer Darryl F. Zanuck, Ford "hated that old...woman (Waters)." Ford, Kazan stated, "didn't know how to reach Ethel Waters." Kazan later referred to Waters's "truly odd combination of old-time religiosity and free-flowing hatred.". In 1950, she won the New York Drama Critics Circle Award for her performance opposite Julie Harris in the play The Member of the Wedding. Waters and Harris reprised their roles in the 1952 film version, Member of the Wedding. In 1950, Waters starred in the television series Beulah, becoming the first African-American actress to have a lead role in a television series. However, she quit after complaining that the portrayal of blacks was "degrading." She later guest-starred in 1957 and 1959 on NBC's The Ford Show, Starring Tennessee Ernie Ford. In the 1957 episode, she sang "Cabin in the Sky".

Despite these successes, her brilliant career was fading. She lost tens of thousands in jewelry and cash in a robbery, and she had difficulties with the IRS. Her health suffered, and she worked only sporadically in the following years. In 1950–51 she wrote her autobiography His Eye Is on the Sparrow with Charles Samuels, in which she wrote candidly about her life. She explained why her age had often been misstated: her friends had to sign a paper claiming Waters was four years younger than she was to get a group insurance deal; she stated that she was born in 1900. His Eye Is on the Sparrow was adapted for a stage production in which she was portrayed by Ernestine Jackson. In her second autobiography, To Me, It's Wonderful, Waters stated that she was born in 1896. Rosetta Reitz called Waters "a natural ... [Her] songs are enriching, nourishing. You will want to play them over and over again, idling in their warmth and swing. Though many of them are more than 50 years old, the music and the feeling are still there."

Waters had romantic relationships with women as well as men.

In her later years, she often toured with Billy Graham on his crusades.

Waters died on September 1, 1977, aged 80, from uterine cancer, kidney failure, and other ailments, in Chatsworth, California.

She was the great-aunt of the singer-songwriter Crystal Waters.

[chiseler]

An Interview With Screenwriter Louisa Rose

In 1973, Brian De Palma released Sisters, his Siamese twin mystery thriller starring Margot Kidder and Charles Durning. After a string of social satires which, to be honest, haven’t aged very well, Sisters was De Palma’s breakthrough film, the one that would cement the form and style for which he’d come to be known. A year later he released the horror/comedy/glam rock opera Phantom of the Paradise starring the great Paul Williams. Hitting theaters more than a year before Rocky Horror, Phantom combined elements from Faust, Phantom of the Opera and about a dozen other sources into a bright, fast, wicked comic book satire of the music business. The film went on to become a cult favorite.

Both films were written by screenwriter Louisa Rose, though she is rarely credited for her work on Phantom. After some reputed and proverbial creative differences, De Palma removed her name from the film and rewrote the script, taking sole screenwriting credit. Although Rose disagrees with me, I think it can be argued it was her work on these two scripts, particularly Sisters, that drew attention to De Palma as a director.

After spending the first 20 years of her adult life in New York City, she and her husband relocated first to Spokane and then to Seattle about a decade back. Not long ago, I spoke with her via phone about her career as a playwright and Hollywood screenwriter.

Jim Knipfel: How did you get started in screenwriting?

Louisa Rose: {Laughs} By accident. I was one of those kids who wrote poetry in high school. I went to college thinking I wanted to be an actress. Theater was my primary interest. I found that I really enjoyed the rehearsal process, but really did not enjoy acting for an audience. That was not a recommendation for a career on stage, so part of my theater concentration (we called our majors “concentrations” at Sarah Lawrence) was writing for the theater. And that’s what I really loved. Brian De Palma was at Columbia, and though they had extra-curricular student theater, they did not have the intensive program as part of the curriculum that SLC did, and does.

At any rate, Brian and another Columbia student came to Sarah Lawrence to do theater and some film projects, because the head of the theater department, Wilford Leach, was interested in film as well. He was a mentor for Brian. The first film project, I believe, was a short piece called The Wedding Party. I don’t know if you’ve heard of that.

JK: Oh, yes, I’ve seen it.

LR: After that Brian made Murder a la Mod and Dionysus, I think it was.

JK: You mean Dionysus in ’69?

LR:  Yes, Dionysus in ’69 started out as a theater piece. Scared the shit out of me when I went to see it. It was created by an interesting experimental director, Richard Schechner, as a mass quasi-orgy experience. The venue, The Performing Garage, had stadium seating, actually more like large long shelves almost to the ceiling – and you had to climb ladders to reach them. Then the actors would climb up and invite you to “join the dance.” And I saw one coming toward me… “No, I am not joining the dance. I am an observer” {laughs}.      

Brian did his Masters at Sarah Lawrence, and one of his projects was to direct my senior play. That’s how I got to know him. I then went on to get my MFA in theater. So he knew me and he was looking for someone to write a script for Sisters. He felt his idea for the film would be marketable, but he needed a script. It sounded like fun, and actually became my Master’s thesis.

JK: Really?

LR: Yeah, so that’s how I got to work on Sisters.

JK: So he came to you with the story?

LR: He had kind of an outline. He had this idea that it would be twins, one evil and one good sister…You know, it’s just so long ago it’s hard for me to remember. There were certain points, certain visual things he wanted. We worked together on the story, and then I wrote the script.  

As for Phantom of the Fillmore …

JK: Um, you mean Phantom of the Paradise?

LR: That’s it, Phantom of the Fillmore. It became Paradise.

{Note: After catching wind of the film’s original title, the owners of The Fillmore filed a lawsuit, forcing the change. Another lawsuit, this one filed by Led Zeppelin, forced the name of the films central record company, Swan Song, be changed to Death Records.}

LR: I took time off from working in NYC to go to LA and write scripts for Sisters and Phantom. At that point, I was a single mother, and my daughter Alissa was two and a half. I brought her with me and had her in day care.  I had a contract for a total of $80,000 for the two scripts.  But when it came to getting paid, Brian delayed and delayed, told me it was not a good time and that I needed to wait.   As usual, actors, director, camera persons, etc. were paid. I needed the money, had to sue to be paid, and only received a quarter of the contract money.  Brian had been a friend, and it felt like a betrayal.  

But back to the movie, what is your take on Sisters? What are the things you notice about it?

JK: I went back just a couple days ago and watched it again. Just in terms of De Palma’s career, it was a big turning point for him. Discounting Murder A La Mod, he’d been doing all those goofy satires like Greetings and Hi Mom! And Get to Know your Rabbit. Sisters was the first of his thrillers and the first of his Hitchcock homages, the things he’d come to be known for.

LR: Right.

JK: Ignoring the Psycho model at play, one of the things that always struck me about Sisters was that in lesser hands the big Siamese twins reveal would have been saved until the last ten or fifteen pages of the script, but here we get it about forty minutes in. Even before that, they gave it away in the poster; they gave it away in the tagline. There was no secret the killer—or killers—were Siamese twins. But then of course there’s the later twist, which brings us back to Psycho.

LR: Mm-hmm.

JK: What really sticks with me, though, is the whole final sequence from Jennifer Salt’s hypnotism to that final shot of Charles Durning staring through the binoculars at the couch. It’s so good. I love that ending so much. Also, having come to know of her only later, I was amazed to see what a good actress Margot Kidder was.

LR: I thought she was very appealing and a really good choice for the part.

JK: In the end Sisters, more so than the thrillers that would follow—Dressed to Kill, Body Double, Blow Out—is the one I always go back to, because even the Hitchcock stuff is still fairly understated at that point. So I’m wondering, how much of that final script, what made it to the screen, was yours?

LR I think I have a copy of my original script here, if I could find it. It was much longer and needed to be cut. I really don’t know. It was a long time ago and I’d need to re-read it.  

There is a Blu-Ray copy of Sisters put out by Arrow that has interviews of some people who worked on the film.

I’ve got it somewhere.]

My husband keeps saying I should show it to our teenage grandchildren, but it might destroy their image of me as nice old grandma. On the other hand, some years ago, our two nephews watched it as young teenagers and looked at me with new respect—or was it fear?

Now, what is funny is that Sisters is kind of a cult film, and so is Phantom. About ten years ago, shortly after we moved to Seattle, I got a call from a young woman originally from Winnipeg.

JK: The one city where Phantom was a big hit when it came out.

LR: Yes, it was a cult film there, with a festival and now possibly a documentary about the festival. We had a visit, and she mailed me – I believe it was a production copy of the script for Sisters.

JK: So what was it like for you, a young woman writing films in the Seventies?

LR: There are things funny and not funny that happened…Nothing about the movie business appealed to me, based on my very limited experience. The people were kind of awful. I have memories of someone from the studio, a married accountant. He said, “Oh, I have to go to San Francisco to scout locations, and you could come with me.” The whole approach was making me nervous, and I said, “Well, I have a two-year-old daughter with me, so, uh, no I can’t do that.” And he said, “Well, we could bring your daughter and get baby-sitting for her, and then we could have a Really Good Time.” I thought, oh, just leave me alone—I’m not a gorgeous actress, I’m a writer.

JK: Not that long ago I interviewed an actress from the late Fifties who up and left the movie business for twenty years because she wouldn’t put up with that.

LR: Women were treated horribly in Hollywood as elsewhere. When I went to look for a job in New York after college, there were separate job listings for men and women. Men could apply for management-track jobs and women could be a “Gal Fri” or a “Secy.”  

I was very taken by a piece in Ms. Magazine about a woman who worked in a factory that made plutonium pellets and who became a whistle-blower. I thought it would make a good movie.

JK: You mean Karen Silkwood?

LR: That’s it. So I met a woman who worked at New Line Cinema, who got me an interview with a producer there. I came in and I was supposed to pitch my idea. It was almost like a parody of a scene in a Hollywood movie about a Hollywood movie. The guy is sitting there with his feet up on the desk and he has these three or four male cronies sitting around, and he’s cracking jokes and they’re all laughing heartily at his jokes. Eventually he said, “So you want to write a script,” and I said “Yeah.” I started telling him about it, and he kept interrupting me. He was horrified to learn that Karen Silkwood, a single mother, had left her children with their grandparents so she could take a well-paying job at the plant.  “No one would ever go to see a movie about a woman who leaves her children,” he announced.  Basically, the interview was over at that point.  He looked at me and asked if I knew how to type.  When I said yes, he said,

“Well, you could come and be a typist here.”

JK: My god.

LR: At that point, I said, “I think you’ve really got too much going on here to pay attention, so I think this isn’t working too well.” He sprang up from his desk and stalked off, bright red, furious. He came back and said, “I have never been so insulted in my life.” That was the end of that. {Laughs.}

{Note: For what it’s worth, Rose’s instincts were good. Director Mike Nichols’ take on the Silkwood story, starring Meryl Streep and written by Nora Ephron, was released in 1983.}

LR: Then, because I’d written a horror movie, I was offered other projects. One was to be a murder film involving Debbie Harry, the lead singer with Blondie, the rock group.  The only requirement as far as the potential director was concerned was that it needed to have seven or eight murders. The rest was up to me. I met Debbie Harry and talked to her to get a sense of what she could do. You just get a sense of what people can do. She had no acting background.

JK: Would this have been her first picture?

LR: It would have been, I think, but it was never made. At one point, she said “Well, I just want to play the part of a housewife in the movie.” And I thought she’d be more believable as the person she actually was.  So I made it about a rock group beset by a number of murders. I think it had seven murders. Then I came back for the next meeting. She’d read the script and said, “I can’t do this movie; it’s the story of my life.” And I thought, WHAT? {Laughs.}. I mean, WHAT? So that one didn’t happen.

JK: So that was, what, around 1980?

LR: I think so, late Seventies or early Eighties. Something like that.

JK: So that was after Monique was made?

LR; {pause} So you know about that.

JK: Yes.

LR: How did you find out about that?

JK: Well, it’s listed on your filmography online, and I’ve seen it.

LR: {Sighs heavily and laughs} It has very little to do with me. Believe me, I’ve seen it also. That’s the thing about screenwriting. Who knows? You sit at home and do your writing, but who knows what will emerge?

I was hired by a French would-be feature film director who had done film work for a famous French fashion house.   He wanted a story about a woman who becomes psychotic when she learns her husband is gay and proceeds to murder a bunch of gay men.

I don’t recognize the script part of it and wish I didn’t have a credit on it. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever seen, and I think you can agree with me.

JK: I was going to hold my tongue.

LR: Well, don’t.

JK: It was pretty bad. But I will tell you, it is extremely hard to find nowadays.

LR: Good.

And then there was the time an agent called and said she had a project for me, and that I didn’t have to do my best writing; I could do my second best writing.

JK: That sounds promising.

LR: Well as a writer if someone called and said they had a project but that you’d only have to do your second-best writing, what would you say?

JK: I think I’d ask how much it paid.

LR: But what would be you’re “second-best writing”? It’s like we have it in categories. It’s like, do I want Double A grade eggs? Should they be certified, “humanely raised”? Or do you just want ordinary eggs? How do you apply that to writing? Sure. I can write bad scenes, but I don’t have a special price category for them.

There was another project that I thought was extremely funny. Somebody, God, I can’t even remember who it was anymore; a producer had bought the rights to The Sensuous Woman. Have you heard of that one?

JK: Oh, sure, yes. It was a huge bestseller back then.

LR: It was written by someone only identified as “J” at the time and was supposed to be an advice book. I think one of the funniest suggestions was supposedly made by a woman who found she could have an orgasm by leaning against the dryer when it was running—or maybe it was the washing machine during the final spin cycle.  {laughs}. My job was to take the book and think of some way to dramatize it and turn it into a movie.  The producer, it turned out, had a history of hiring writers and refusing to pay them by claiming that they had not given him a satisfactory script.  The previous writer had been a well-known playwright.

JK: So it was around that point you decided to walk away from films?

LR: I didn’t walk away in the sense that I said, “I’m not doing film-script writing anymore.”  But, I wanted to do theater, and I was also trying to bring up a daughter. The head of my college theater department, Wil Leach, had gone to work as artistic director at Joe Papp’s Shakespeare Festival.  Wil decided to do an all-black version of Mother Courage. It was to be set in America at the time of the Indian Wars. Post-Civil War. Everything was recast, and he didn’t use the Brecht score. He had a composer to do a new score, and he had a black lyricist, who said, “I’m not doing this, it doesn’t pay enough.” Will knew that I had done lyrics for a couple of theatre pieces I worked on in college. So he asked if I would like to do it. It was a really interesting project, taking the Brecht lyrics in German and finding an equivalent way to do them for this production. I don’t know German, so they gave me a German professor from Wesleyan, and we went over the lyrics word by word. We talked a lot about the connotations of the words. I had a Black English dictionary, and I had all kinds of materials. I just loved doing that.

JK: Now when was this, roughly?

LR: In 1980. Before that I also did a couple of plays at La MaMa, one of which went to Off Broadway. It seems when I look back at the things I’ve done, so many of them involve really painful experiences. I think I’m not well suited to keeping my eye on the ball. I keep getting sidetracked, thinking I don’t want to lose friends, don’t want to make anybody miserable and don’t want anyone to make me miserable. Some people have been able to somehow find a home, a theatrical home. I did not.  My last production was in Seattle.  

JK: What was the play?

LR: It was a play about Catherine the Great. I wanted to write a reflective two-character play based on Catherine’s own writing about her life before she became an Empress. She was a teenager when she went to Russia to marry the heir to the throne, an alcoholic teenage boy from Sweden. Somehow it morphed into a much bigger deal, a costume extravaganza.  I had a wonderful director, Elizabeth Huddle, who was Intiman’s Artistic Director.  But, I had horrible reviews in the Seattle papers, and so that was when I gave up.  

I’ve written three non-fiction books with my husband, who is a physician.

JK: What were they?

LR: The first one was for consumers about how to use healthcare, how to talk to doctors, what to do when a hospital admission was necessary. The second book was called The Too-Precious Child, and it was about parents who become so involved with their own wishes and fears about their child that they are unable to experience his or her needs. They might be very loving or not but they are unable to take the child’s actual self into account. The book was published in 1989, and the problem we discussed seems to have gotten massively worse.

We wrote the third book for Consumer Reports to help people understand the basic types of health insurance, how to choose the best plan for one’s circumstance, and how to get the most out of its coverage. My husband was CEO of a health plan and understood the issues, but I could identify with consumers who were trying to figure out how things worked. It took me two weeks and tears of frustration to understand how a family benefit works. Insurance terminology was painful, but I figured if I could be made to understand it, I could explain it to people. Maybe I could turn that into a movie {laughs}. I’ll go pitch that one.  

by Jim Knipfel

[hallelujuh]

shay’s favorite tv shows from 2017

this has been in my drafts for.... nine months.... fuck.

Written in December 2017, updates are from September 2018.

Considering how many new, innovative shows are around these days, I didn’t get too adventurous this year, but I’m satisfied with the ones I did watch. I discovered new shows, I was impressed by the shows I’ve been following for years, and I learned to appreciate the work that goes into television more. Here’s my top ten TV shows..

10. Thirteen Reasons Why - In all honestly, this is only here because I haven’t been able to watch Peaky Blinders yet, and it’s probably too late. (UPDATE: Watched it in Jan and it was amazing.) This show received a lot of backlash, and for good reason, although it had its moments. The characters were well-written, the relationships were given depth that is often lacking in other high school-set narratives, and the tone was great. I’ve always loved watching things that make me profoundly sad, and this show did just that. (UPDATE: Season 2 was fucking garbage lmao.)

Standout episode: Tape 1, Side B. It’s a cripplingly depressing show, but this episode stood out as a moment of light in Hannah’s dark reality. Her friendship with Jessica and Alex was nice in the beginning - their banter, them having a spot in the coffee shop. I remember assuming Alex was gay (I believe his actor is, so I wasn’t too off) and thinking that’d be good for Hannah, to have a guy friend who wasn’t interested in her and wouldn’t add relationship drama to her life. Boy, was I wrong. Still, having seen the show at the beginning of the year, this episode is the only one I remember as enjoying, so it gets this spot.

9. A Series of Unfortunate Events - I read the books in elementary school, and they’re one of my favorite series of all time. I’m also a huge fan of the film, though I know most aren’t. So I was very excited for this series, and it didn’t completely disappoint. While I found myself longing for the actors from the 2004 motion picture, and some of the directing decisions weren’t choice, it was cool to see The Miserable Mill finally come to life, and I loved the Baudelaires just as much here as anyone else. I’ll be tuning in to next season, since I’ve very, very excited to see how they handle the next three books. I can’t wait to meet the Quagmire triplets, and Esme, and Jacques! It’ll be awesome. I hope they portray it well, but there’s no film to compare it to from here on out, so maybe it’ll be different.

Standout episode: The Reptile Room: Part One/Two. Like I said, I wasn’t a huge fan of how most of the characters were portrayed in this adaption, but I did love Uncle Monty. He was just as wonderful as he was in the film and books. Watching his interactions with the kids was really nice, and as always, made me wish they could’ve remained with him. Stephano wasn’t as menacing here as he is in the film (that knife scene is the point in the film where you go, “woah, this dude’s for real. he’s scary”), which was a bummer because I still thought Olaf was a laughably bad and incompetent villain by the finale, but I did like Poe’s hysteria, and I really loved the movie theatre scene.

8. Riverdale - Oops I never wrote this dfdsbfjdbfjds.

7. South Park - While we all can agree the last season was a mess, and this one was only a slight improvement, it did have it’s moments. I’ve been a fan for five years now, so at this point, they’ll never disappoint me, tbfh. 

Standout episode: Doubling Down. While Put it Down was wonderful, both satirically and because of Craig and Tweek’s adorable relationship, the eighth episode of the season was my personal favorite (UPDATE: Not sure why ‘cause I didn’t specify then and I’m not sure now.)

6. Dear White People - I didn’t do this one either damn. 

Standout Episode: Chapter V. While the show is a comedic take on racial relations, this episode is an emotional, serious change. The Barry Jenkins-directed episode shows us that the subject is no laughing matter, and it very clearly deserves this spot.

5. Rick and Morty - Yet another show I discovered this year, during the summer. I’d been meaning to watch it for ages, and I finally got around to it. While the fanbase is pretty much poison, the show is pretty damn good. Maybe not what it’s hyped up to be, but great none-the-less. I’m a big fan of adult cartoons, and RaM isn’t entirely satirical like South Park, and it’s not self-aware like BoJack, but it holds up. It’s probably so popular because of how unique it is.

Standout episode: The Ricklantis Mixup. While my personal favorite of Season 3 was The Whirly Dirly Conspiracy, because I adore Jerry, I think we can all agree that the was the best episode of the season, if not the series. Like, really. Holy shit.

4. Gotham - I began watching this show last year, and caught up to season three around halfway through it. It began to drag a bit, admittedly, like it couldn’t carry it’s own weight - but now the show’s on season four, and it gets a little wild sometimes, but it’s holding quite a bit better, I’d say. I was pretty fucking impressed, especially with the Nygmobblepot stuff.

Standout episode: A Dark Knight: Queen Takes Knight. Although Mad City: The Gentle Art of Making Enemies from Season 3 is a close runner-up, for all the loose ends it ties up, and so cleanly, too - the winter finale gets this spot. It had me on the edge of my metaphorical seat (since I was actually curled up in bed) the entire time. While Sophia’s character and her motivations had remained muddy since her introduction, her badassery finally came to the forefront, and it was awesome. The way she tore down Penguin from his throne? Incredible. We know he’ll return, as he has so many times, but really, that was so incredible. Considering he’s my favorite character, I should feel worse. However, Sophia executed her plan so well, I was too awed to hate her. Also, Jerome’s back! I’m extremely excited to see Jerome’s role in the upcoming episodes. (Update: Oh, honey, you got a big storm coming...)

3. BoJack Horseman - I binged the hell out of this show just before season four came out, because it was so creative and thought-provoking and hilariously depressing. The fourth season was notably wonderful in a lot of ways, particularly because of Todd’s sexuality arc (the first out asexual character in a TV show!) and how well it was handled, but also because of the mature themes they took on. Princess Carolyn’s miscarriages, Diane and Mr. PB’s failing marriage, BoJack’s struggle to forgive his mother, Beatrice’s own troubled upbringing, Hollyhock’s eating disorder. I watched the whole season in three days when it was first released, four months ago, and I’m currently considering re-watching it after rereading the summaries of each episode to refresh my memory. I’d forgotten how phenomenal it was. It’s on another level - it really is.

Standout episode: Time’s Arrow. Though there wasn’t a single weak episode this season, this one definitely stood out. Following the tradition of uniquely depressing eleventh episodes, Time’s Arrow focuses on BoJack’s mother and how her turbulent childhood affected her. Gorgeously executed, it makes us pity the woman who made our favorite alcoholic horse the way he is, and it concludes with BoJack making peace with his mother, who he had spent so long resenting. It’s just a gorgeous episode. I think I’m going to rewatch it right now, haha.

2. Mr. Robot - I’ve wanted to watch this show since it came out, but I finally began and finished the first two seasons just weeks before Season 3 came out. Since I’m discussing my favorites of 2017, I won’t be talking about those first two seasons here. I’ll be focusing on Season 3, which has been, in my opinion, incredible. What began as a modern, nerdy take on Fight Club has become so much more; a masterfully dark and suspenseful fictionalized look at the looming political state of our world. We’ve gotten new characters (Irving, who’s a gem), we’ve learned more about older but mysterious characters (poor repressed Dom), we’ve had to say goodbye to old characters (I’m still mad about ******), and best of all, this season has been Tyrell heavy, and we even got to see Elliot make peace with Mr. Robot.

Standout episode: S3/EP8, eps3.7_dont-delete-me.ko - The previous episode had already established a gorgeously melancholy setting through the use of Mac Quayle's gorgeous production 2.0_6-madame3xecutioner.oga, which, as a huge fan of film scores, I instantly fell in love with. The song is featured during a scene I watched several times - the scene when Angela repeatedly rewinds the explosion, unable to cope with the reality of it. It left me feeling similar to the way I had after watching American Beauty for the first time - like the world was a different shade. I thought this would be the only moment the show could invoke that response from me, but then the next episode came out. Unlike Ep. 7, Ep. 8 didn’t have a single moment. The whole episode brimmed with pain and sadness. The show’s already sad, but the lonely, isolated feeling is often overwhelmed by the suspense, drama, and excitement. This episode let the characters hurt without interruption, and it was wonderfully emotional.

1. The Get Down - I was so thrilled when I discovered this show in April, literally a few days after Part 2 had aired. I downloaded all the episodes for a road trip, and literally could not put it down the entire tme. It blended all my favorite things - the art of rap, the origin and evolution of hip hop, how battle rapping/deejaying came to be. The music was stellar, the cinematography was breathtaking, the acting was (for the most part) wonderful, and the cast was fantastic. I’ve seen some criticizing it, because of its occasionally choppy narrative and the fact that Baz Luhrmann added his usual whimsical take on something that was historically fairly dark, but I thought it was flawless. It was definitely groundbreaking in its amount of representation, and it was fun and colorful and emotional and, overall, just absolutely wonderful. Like many others, I was pretty devastated when they cancelled it. I understand why, but I wish it could get the Sense 8 treatment and receive a movie. There’s too many loose ends - it’s a real bummer. Still, I’m grateful we were blessed with this gem of a show at all.

Standout episode: S1/EP11, Only from Exile Can We Come Home - The final episode gets this spot for a single scene; the one where it alternates between Mylene singing “I’m my #1″ in the hotel room with Jackie and all the drag queens, and the scene where an unreleased Miguel song is playing while Dizzy & Thor paint on each other, and then Shao calls Dizzy his “alien brother.” That scene was easily one of my favorites I’ve ever seen in any show, in my entire life. If that episode was a film, that scene alone would guarantee it a spot on my favorite films list. It was that good.

[spaceorphan18]

Glee Season 1 Wrap Up (Part 2)

Alright - let’s do this and see if I can actually manage to be concise, lol.  So, I wrote up a ranking - now I’m kinda looking at arcs as a whole.  It’d be too hard to rank those, so I’m just talking a little about each. 

Front 13 v Back 9

It’s no secret that I prefer the Back 9 episodes over the first batch.  The Front 13 focuses so heavily on the two love quadrangles - at the expense of pretty much everything else, that I get bored really easily.  And - dare I say - the Front 13 might actually be my least favorite part of the show.  Yes, that’s right, I’d rather watch Season 3 again (lol).  

The Front 13 does have things going for it - it’s very funny (on it’s first run - subsequent viewings don’t always help).  It’s tightly written.  The stories make sense (well as much as a fake baby makes sense).  And it’s good, solid television.  I can see why people fell in love with it.  But - as you may have noticed in my rankings, I have a hard time being bored, and now that I’ve seen the show a million times, I get bored too easily.  

I will say - having some distance from watching the episodes, and doing it at a weekly pace, helps me enjoy it more.  The episodes feel fresher, and as much as I whine, I still had fun with the rewatch of the F13.  

Meanwhile, the Back 9 just comes alive.  The show gets a bit crackier, the focus shifts more to the kids, and the pace speeds up.  But you know what else I noticed? As the show develops the characters a bit more, I feel like there’s a bit more emotion running through the Back 9.  I know we joke about Glee being one big cartoon, but the F13′s humor was often darker humor related to stereotypes.  By the B9 - the characters get to be fleshed out more, and become more like real people - and I dig that more than the dark sitcom-ish vibe of the F13.  

Kind of as aside, not really sure where to add this, one thing I find interesting about season 1 is that it seems to be this show that’s simultaneously trapped in the 80s, while still being relevant on current events - and very much being a product of the 2010s.  That aspect of it makes it a bit unique and nostalgic at the same time, and it’s a super fascinating way to look at the show.  

Will as a Problem of the Narrative

Look, we all know Will is a problem -- the ‘I Hate You Will’ meme is prevalent within fandom.  You would think that the first season would make him a bit more sympathetic since he is the original main character.  I mean kinda - but he’s still frustratingly selfish, nearsighted about everyone else around him, and, well, just not that great.  

But after doing some thinking, I came to the realization -- this is an issue with American television in general -- adult characters are not allowed growth.  Think about it.  In high school shows, the kids grow up, learn, and change.  But when we watch adults, more specifically adults in sitcoms, - the writers hit the reset button.  Did the characters of Friends really change all that much in the ten years they were on the show?  Or Modern Family? Or The Big Bang Theory? I mean - there will be slight changes, but nothing major.  (Some writers do - both The Office and Parks and Rec show growth in their characters, but I also think those are better sitcoms for it.)  

Anyway - my point is that Will falls victim to the fact that for the sake of conflict, he doesn’t really get any kind of character growth that sticks, and that what makes his character so hard to watch - even in season one.  

In addition, instead of framing Will as a teacher who loves teaching, they frame him as a performer who never made it out of Ohio, and is frustrated with never having gotten out of the place he grew up.  And while there’s some reality in that -- I’m still side-eyeing the show any time they give him accolades for being a great teacher.  

Also, there’s the whole ‘Be a Man’ thing that Will gets saddled with.  But...more on that later.

To no one’s surprise - Will being front and center most of the time amplifies all these issues leading to me not really caring much about the story and hence boredom.  

Will/Emma/Ken/Terri & Finn/Rachel/Puck/Quinn -- a Redundant Love Story for The Ages

It’s basically the same story only time displaced - with a chance for the high school kids not to make the same mistakes as the adults.  The adults being a cautionary tale.  Funny, I think the kids, at some points, are more mature about what’s going on in their relationships than the adults.  

Outside the satirical nature of it - I find it all kind of tedious to sit through, tbh, and as I said before, what makes the F13 kind of hard at times.  I realize I’m supposed to care about these relationships.  Guess what - I don’t.  

However -- Glee and it’s parallels.  Damn.  There’s, like, an entire thesis paper waiting to be written about these Quadrangles and how Glee masterfully pulls off writing the same story twice at the same time.  

Also worth noting, the two Quadrangles both embody two of the main themes of season one: 1. Be a Man and 2. It’s Okay to Be a Loser (or the HS Hierarchy Stuff) 

I don’t know why the show needs to prove so hard what being a real ‘man’ is - especially when the real men of the show don’t usually have to deal with this stupid trope, but I find myself rolling my eyes every time it gets brought up.  And the focus isn’t a favorite of mine -- unfortunately, another point against the F13.  

Meanwhile - I was never really interested in the whole HS Hierarchy stuff, and what it is to be cool.  Geez, now I’m being redundant as I continue to say that the themes brought up in the F13 just don’t interest me at all.  Good thing there was all this music to keep me distracted...  

Ken and Terri & Puck and Quinn - Mean Girls

Ryan Murphy has this weird obsession with awful popular people.  I don’t know why.  I don’t think it’s as interesting as he does - but I’m guessing he had some deep issues with these people in high school because this trope is used outside of Glee and in abundance.  

Something I think is interesting though - going back to my point about Will.  Ken and Terri don’t get to be more than the stereotypes that they are.  And because they’re probably (possibly) the most annoying characters on the show - the writers had enough sense to drop them after after the F13.  But I do think it’s interesting, also, that Ken and Terri are the real ‘losers’ of the show -- and they’re the ones who were popular in high school.  The point is made pretty loudly, but I never hear people talk about it much.  

Meanwhile, Puck and Quinn are pretty much on the road to being Ken and Terri - but the show, probably knowing these characters needed to stick around, got the growth and development that Ken and Terri didn’t, and even in season 1, seeds of - they’re not going to turn out to be as ‘loser-ish’.  

I don’t really care all that much about Puck or Quinn, but I will say they were pretty unwatchable (for me) in the F13, and they became much better characters in the B9.  Though, helping this is the fact that neither gets a whole lot to do.  But they soften both of them to make the more likable - and it works, I don’t mind them so much in the B9.  

Emma - The Non-Main Character

I love Emma - and it’s weird to me that she isn’t more of a main character (I mean she is in season 1, but that fades quickly).  It’s great that they have female character, good at her career, but struggling a bit in her personal life, and who has a mental health issue to deal with but is still seen as desirable.  I also love the fact that she has issues with sex.  There’s a lot of great things with Emma. I’m just sorry she’s tied to Will for the entire show, because she’s smart and likable and one of the few really ‘good’ characters on the show.   I’m sad that she doesn’t get to do much outside of being accessory in Will’s story.  It’ll change a little in season 2, but not much.  :( 

I don’t really have much to say about Wemma.  It starts out as a standard will-they, won’t-they but it doesn’t pull my attention much.  I will say that the final moment of Sectionals, however, is a beautiful moment -- and the Glee, when it wants to, has the ability to pull off some fantastic romantic moments.  

Sue Sylvester - Comedy Villain in a Realistic World

It’s no surprise that when you have a very talented and funny Jane Lynch on your show, you’re going to do what you can to give her a fair amount of material.  I get that.  And I give season 1 credit -- Sue might be one of the funniest characters on the show in season 1.  She worked as the villain and as a counter to Will, as well as allowing the show to have a mouthpiece for things they felt the main characters couldn’t say.  It worked.  She worked.  Jane Lynch worked.  

My issues with Sue are more with later seasons, when they run out of things to do with her, and make a fourth-wall breaking farce, but I’ll save that rant for later.  

I will say - I do enjoy her humanizing interactions with her sister and with Becky, and it’s a shame the show didn’t latch on to that more often.  Because Sue got hit with the reset button harder than any other character.  

Finn & Finchel

Finn is pretty much tied to Will in every season, but season 1 is in much abundance.  Fortunately, Finn fares better than Will does.  Finn needing a father figure, and direction, is more sensical than Will using Finn as a way to relive his youth, while treating Finn simultaneously as a best friend and son. I don’t think I like Finn all that much, but Cory Menteith is incredibly endearing -- and makes me care a bit more than I actually would.  Finn is, perhaps, the most rounded character to begin with - and shows more competence as a leader than Will ever does.  It’s funny, to me, for as much as these two are paralleled, Finn getting to grow and have an actual arc makes him much more interesting.  

Finn also has the benefit of having a more complete world around him -- his story isn’t stuck in the Quadrangle, his stories outside of it (mostly with his Mom and Kurt, but also the more fleshed out story with Rachel) make it much more interesting.  

So yeah.  Go season 1 Finn!  

Also - they were definitely setting up Finn to grow through this series long arc of hating being in a small town to being okay that that is his lot in his life.  (And it is sad we didn’t get to see that play fully out.)  Because unlike Will -- who kind of hates that he’s never moved on, Finn seems to come full circle rather nicely.  

So Finchel.  Believe it or not, I think Finchel is quite endearing in season 1.  And -- dare I say -- I like it more in the F13 than the B9.  I’ll always prefer Finchel as a story about two high schoolers who learn from each other in HS, but move away from each other later in life, and that Finn and Rachel, ultimately, don’t have a whole lot in common, but there moments in early s1 are sweet, and there’s a bit of chemistry there that I don’t see later on in the show.  

I can even pinpoint when I start to really not care about Finchel -- in Hello, between the introduction of Jesse St. James and making Finn kind of a douche (or paralleling him a little too close to Will).  But in the meantime, I can honestly say that Finchel was one of the more enjoyable parts of season 1.  Weird huh. 

Rachel Berry - Before They Were Stars

Another aspect of season 1 that I liked? Rachel Berry.  Before the show started handing her things on a platter because she /was/ Rachel Berry -- Rachel was a character you could root for.  No, she wasn’t the most likable character on the show, but she struggled, and we saw that she worked hard to get things.  She was also uncompromising in her desires - something not often shown as a) positive or b) in women.  

Also helping her out is that she gets to have a story arc outside (or maybe beyond is a better word) the Quadrangle.  She has developed relationships with pretty much everyone on the show and that helps her be a well rounded character.  

As an aside -- it’s interesting to me, for as much as everyone is paralleled with everyone else on the show, I don’t see a whole lot of parallels between Rachel and Emma.  There are some, both of them wanting someone they feel they can’t have, both of them wanting things too much, and both feeling like outsiders.  But I feel like those are generalizations of two vastly different characters.  Interesting.  

Mercedes, Artie, and Tina - The Back Up Singers

It’s funny to me -- that when the show was first airing, Mercedes, Artie, and Tina (and Kurt - but more on him in a minute) were used a lot in ads.  These actors did a lot of press, etc, etc.  And the whole notion of the show being for kids who didn’t fit in was a big angle for marketing.  So, it’s interesting that the F13 barely features any of them.  But I do think they are much more interesting than the Parallel Quadrangles.  Each of these characters has a unique set of characteristics - and yeah, a lot of it stemmed from stereotypes, which were fleshed out more in the B9.  But I appreciate these characters even being around - because if they weren’t there, the show would be (IMO) pretty bland.  

Interestingly, in the B9, each of these three do get their fair share of screentime and development.  Unfortunately, they don’t make it out from the ranks of the B-list characters (idk - there might be some irony there).  But they’re good characters, Mercedes especially, and I do enjoy them more than a lot of what’s going on with the A-plot.  I’m just sorry they never really got out of the shadow of the rest of the other characters.  

Kurt Hummel - Scene Stealer

Obviously, Kurt’s story in season 1 is my favorite story arc.  I’m sure anyone who has been to my blog could have guessed that in about two seconds.  And elsewhere is fully documented why.  His relationship with being different, and how that ripples in his personal life - with family and friends - and how he deals with that is a fantastically told story, not to mention one having a ton of heart and care.  I love Kurt, and season 1 Kurt gets to have such wonderful development, and it’s only the first portion of a much larger story of a really fantastic character.  

But here’s my thing about Kurt.  He wasn’t a part of the original story.  And because of that, a lot like Rachel, having his own story and his own development - he’s not locked into being apart of a boring and/or tired story (re: Quadrangle).  He somewhat exists outside the main narrative (though obviously has his ties within) and I think that really helps his character stand out in season 1.  But I also think it’s interesting that this character, who in the first incarnation was much of a stereotype, got to break free first, and is one of the best written characters on the show.  

He’s also so damn entertaining.  Giving the character life in the background is an art - but I should gush about Chris Colfer’s acting later.  

But in all honesty - I probably wouldn’t have kept watching this show without Kurt.  His story (like to so many others) reminds me of my own in a lot of ways.  And I think he was resonant with so many people in a way that a lot of the other things going on in season one weren’t.  He helped give the show depth and emotion, and helped it grow beyond the cartoonish dark comedy of early season 1.  There are a lot of things I enjoy about season 1, but I love Kurt’s story, and I probably wouldn’t be sitting here still talking about it if it weren’t for Kurt. 

Brittana and other Background Stories

One of the things stemming out of being bored with the main plot lines is that one has a tendency to gravitate towards what’s going on in the background.  Most shows - it’s not much.  Glee -- has a plethora of stuff going on.  Kurt gets a lot of the credit (rightfully so), but there’s a ton of interesting things happening. 

Brittany and Santana don’t get enough credit for their early season 1 stuff.  They have virtually nothing to do - but they’ll nail one-liners and/or do fascinating stuff sitting there in the background.  One reason they became such prevalent characters, and they start to become those starting with the B9, is because they’re doing things that people take notice of.  

Santana’s still too mean in season 1 for me, though layering over the fact that she’s a closested lesbian makes for a more interesting story upon rewatch, and Brittany really isn’t much of a character as she is a walking one-liner machine, but both characters make themselves visible in a huge cast - and I have to give them a lot of credit for that.  

Meanwhile at the other end of things are Mike and Matt.  Interestingly, I think Mike does seem to have more of a personality, and more of a presence, as well as a great acting ability, that helped him come out from the shadows a bit -- whereas Matt completely faded into the background to the point that I often forgot he was there.  It’s no surprise to me that Mike became a bigger character while Matt left before season 2.  

Guest Starring - Broadway Role Call

I can’t say that I’m really that attached to any of the guest stars on the show - but something I give Glee credit for in season one is grabbing guest stars who have ties in with Broadway.  And I think that’s a pretty cool route to go.  I may have not liked their characters all that much, but at least they can sing, and I can enjoy that.  :)  

Except Molly Shannon.  I still don’t get that.  

Jukebox Musical

So, obviously, music plays a huge part of this show.  I’ve talked other place about how music is used differently in the F13 vs the B9 (check out TDB’s Music of S1 special!) so I won’t get into that here.  

Season 1 probably has the lowest amount of songs from it on my play list - there’s just a lot of pop music I don’t really enjoy, and Will rapping, and just stuff I’m not really into.  Not to mention a lot of the music is Rachel, Finn, and Finn and Rachel heavy (which isn’t a sound I’m really into). 

 But I think one thing season 1 does right is how it uses it’s music.   And it’s interesting to see all the creative ways they try to be realistic about how they use music on the show.  Not to mention, each of the episodes didn’t have the mandated 5-7 songs, which left time for both the music and the story to breath.  

And then starting in the B9 - they began to get more creative in how they integrated music within the story.  

On a Macro Level

Season 1 is probably the most consistent the show ever is written, and possibly, has the best straight up comedy.  But the extreme focus on paralleling Quadrangles, the ‘Be a Man’ trope, and the whole ‘loser’ main themes kinda bore me (personally).  

Kurt’s story, all the b-characters, background moments, and music I’m here for, in the F13, and I can kinda leave all the rest.  The B9, though, gets us into the style of the rest of the series, and I’m here for that.  

[mattbrothersscriptwriter]

My Top 20 Films of 2017 - Part Two

Ok, so about ten minutes ago I finished watching my last 2017 film of the year. For my FULL list - all 127 films watched in order of preference - jump on over to my Letterboxd page: https://letterboxd.com/matt_bro/list/films-of-the-year-2017/

Alright, top 10:

10. Logan

In a time when a lot of people still bemoan the existence of so many comic book movies (occasionally, with a point) this has been a stellar year for them. Marvel’s triple whammy of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2, Spiderman Homecoming and Thor Ragnarok were all excellent, heartfelt, fun knockouts and Wonder Woman was a terrific showcase for both Gal Gadot and Patty Jenkins (not to mention hugely important in its own right). Only Justice League really fell back on old tired habits and resulted in a bizarre mashup of tone and purpose and featured the single most damning piece of CGI buffoonery ever conceived in Henry Cavill’s ‘we’ll fix it in post’ deleted moustache. That really is one for the ages.

But I could never have foreseen the power and beauty of something like Logan, a near-perfect capper to a spinoff trilogy that began with the God-awful Wolverine Origins. It’s strengths come from it’s convictions – this isn’t an episodic story servicing a franchise, this is a true stand alone character piece, focusing on the rarest of things – an actual ending to a beloved, previously untouchable, immortal superhero. Played out as a tragic western with claws, the film beautifully champions the importance of family and love, seen (at last) through the eyes of those that never dreamed they would experience it, let alone fight for it. With some fantastic action set pieces to boot too, this one really has its cake and its eat and is also a real sight to behold – I saw it for a second time in it’s gorgeous black and white ‘Logan Noir’ cut and every frame is a revelation. Huge props to Patrick Stewart too, delivering a devastating performance of a character is has also lived with for the past SEVENTEEN years.

9. Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool

This film is a heartbreaker. My God. Definitely the most surprising cinema-going experience I had this year. I went with a friend of mine and by the time the credits were rolling, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house – best encapsulated by a burly scouser sat behind us who was openly saying “Fuck me, didn’t expect that for a Sunday afternoon. Jesus! How bloody brilliant was that!? Got any tissues?’.

Focusing on the later years of Hollywood starlet Gloria Grahame (Annette Bening on Oscar sweeping form), it finds her semi-washed up and treading the boards in London where she meets and falls for Peter Gallagher (Jamie Bell – never better than this) another actor, half her age. The tenderness and straight forwardness of their pairing is so refreshing, never making an issue or point about the older woman/younger man dynamic unless directly challenged by other characters (including Gloria’s bratty sister Joy) or themselves. The most effective emotional beats of this film aren’t signposted and drawn out for Oscar clip schmaltzyness but instead hit you in a sudden burst of passionate regret; hurtful words said in anger or defence – truly proving that the most harmful things you can say to someone you love are all too easy to let slip out before you’ve had a chance to think about what you’re saying. But the damage is done.

The film-making here is exceptional too. What could have been a rather dry biopic is given such momentum through brilliantly executed scene transitions and a flashback-enhanced narrative that keeps us embroiled in the present day scenes of Gloria succumbing to cancer whilst we watch their initial courtships and brutal arguments from the months and years leading up to it. The supporting cast that includes Julie Walters, back as Bell’s mother and Stephen Graham as his brother are brilliant but this is Bening/Bell’s movie and they knock it out of the park.

8. Baby Driver

My big birthday blowout screening of the year, following last year’s Aliens 30th anniversary showing, Baby Driver did not let me down. All the usual energy, narrative foreshadowing and tightly controlled construction you’ve come to expect from an Edgar Wright flick blown out onto a much bigger and more confident scale. The genius pairing of getaway driver crime heist flick and vehicular musical allows for some hugely inventive set pieces, from the opening police chase set to Bellbottoms by the John Spencer Blues Explosion to the car-on-car parking lot duel with Queen’s Brighton Rock echoing through the tunnels.

Ansel Elgort delivers a breakout turn and everyone from Jon Hamm, Jamie Foxx and Kevin somebody-or-other are having a ball playing bad. The romance with waitress Lily James initially feels a little under cooked but it all plays into the escapist fairytale of the action and seeing them dance together in a laundromat whilst sharing headphones is one of this year’s purest joys.

7. Get Out

Where It soaked up much of the straight spooky horror acclaim this year, Get Out walked a much more tantalising and complex line between thriller, social drama, satire, comedy and horror – and pulled it all off effortlessly. Jordan Peele has long had grand cinematic aspirations as evidenced in some of the larger scale sketches in his fantastic show Key and Peele but this clearly represents everything he wanted to say and do in a debut feature. I think the odds of so perfectly nailing your voice and intentions in your very first film is astronomical but damn, he must be proud, not only of the film itself but the cultural reach, impact and resonance it has had with audiences.

Daniel Kaluuya is excellent as the everyman battling his own (rational) fears and paranoia before his instincts slowly become the domineering voice in the back of his head. Trust in oneself is the saving grace here and it’s great to see an array of other ‘traditional’ characters for this genre twist the knife and reveal their true colours. The “Rose, where are my keys” turning point is perhaps the tightest I’ve gripped the arm of my chair all year. And the eventual climax is one of the best examples of subverting expected genre tropes. Brilliant.

6. Raw

Speaking of confident debuts, Julia Ducournau’s is equally astounding. Not for the faint hearted, this queasy, cannibalistic coming of age tale is a near perfect slice of fucked up fever dream. It follows a young vegetarian attending veterinary college who is forced to eat rabbit meat in a sick hazing ritual – one that her fellow student and older sister has clearly already experienced. Slowly but surely, a triggering of her animalistic appetite grows, coinciding both with her own first steps into a sexual awakening as well as a growing sense of unease that something isn’t right in her family to begin with. 

The plot takes some nutty turns, not least in the last few minutes, but everything works; from the gorgeous imagery to the tonal juggling to the assured performances. This would make an excellent entry in an ‘arthouse does horror subgenre’ triple bill, doing for cannibals what A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night does for vampires and The Witch does for... witches.

5. Jackie

This is a breathtaking biopic - interested less in the broad strokes of history and what we think we know about the aftermath of one of the most infamous events of the 20th century and more in the nuanced, private, personal moments of grief in the public eye. Natalie Portman is astounding as Jackie Kennedy, nailing everything from the look to the voice to the affectations, and its the dreamlike, woozy way that the film unfolds that really draws you in and positions you in the eye of a hurricane. The JFK assassination was a monumental cultural milestone but this story asks you to put yourself in the shoes of a woman who was unavoidably trapped at ground zero - and largely all alone with her memories and emotions, despite the surrounding pressures of aides, the press and the American people.

This is supremely confident filmmaking, incredibly affecting and features another stand out score from Mica Under the Skin Levi.

4. 20th Century Women

The second film on my list for both Annette Bening and Greta Gerwig, this is a wonderful story about the strengths and flaws found in both the family we’re given and the family we choose. With an anecdotal, episodic structure, it is less focused on plot and more on the individual moments that the characters in our lives provide us with; how they affect our own life story and evoke memories of a certain time and place. 

It’s highly emotional, with touching asides and rambling voiceovers telling us numerous stories whilst keeping a sense of an anchor through the relationship between Jamie (Lucas Jade Zumann) and his mother Dorothea (Bening). The supporting cast is uniformly great, from Elle Fanning as the girl next door to Billy Crudup as a lonely tenant/handyman, this one really hit me hard. The late 70s period details, along with the soundtrack, and the sun bleached cinematography recalls the joy of discovering yourself through questionable music, bad decisions and rebellious behaviour. Check it out.

3. A Ghost Story

I doubt any other film this year left quite a long lasting impression as this one did. I couldn’t stop thinking about it afterwards and became rather obsessed with pretty much everything it accomplishes. It’s a fairly straight forward tale of a couple (Casey Affleck and Rooney Mara) whose relationship begins to feel the strain as they quietly realise they might want different things in life. We’re not privy to many more details, positioned as a voyeur which will continue as things unfold but before long, Affleck is killed in a simple car accident outside his home and seemingly rises from death to haunt his old home, dressed entirely in the hospital bed sheet his corpse was covered in. It’s a genius depiction of the traditional ghost - simultaneously off-putting, amusing, whimsical and ridiculous - and it’s also rooted in logic too. As the ghost continues to watch his Mara grieve for him (mesmerisingly encapsulated in an unbroken take of a depressed Mara eating an entire pie that her neighbour brought round), he (and us) slowly begin to notice time... breaking.

The way the passing of time is visualised here is beautifully simple - rather than the long slow fades that normally indicate transitions, here it is as sudden as the ghost turning around to look over his shoulder, through a series of hard cuts or sometimes, no cuts at all. That feeling of time literally slipping away is brutal and the ghost can do nothing but wander about, seemingly helpless to how fast things change. One moment, Mara packs up and leaves, the next a new family of three have apparently been living there for months. Ultimately, the film becomes a meditation on the importance we embue in places, not so much people. The house is the anchor - the core - of what the ghost latches on to and if you’ve ever had the feeling of wondering who lived in your home before you and who will be there after you’ve gone, this film will dig deep into your mind.

I found this to be a brilliantly low-fi way to tell a huge thematic story and the use of music throughout - including one central track in particular - only adds to it. If you can get past the pie-eating without thinking ‘da hell is this’, you’re in for a treat.

2. Dunkirk

I’m almost scared to put this so high. I’ve no doubt in my mind that it’s a five star film and it’s certainly the most visceral, immediate cinema going experience I’ve perhaps ever had (I caught it at the BFI IMAX, opening night, at a late showing and it truly does fill your entire periphery vision) but a part of me wonders if it will hold up on second viewing - i.e. if seeing it anywhere other than the IMAX will diminish it. Well, I’m sure it won’t be the same but I’m also convinced it won’t matter either because this is clockwork precision film making of the highest order; an exercise in narrative structure as well as simply being the most accurate representation of the event in question as there possibly could be.

Some people have complained that this film does a disservice to its characters but I disagree. The power of this story is that it’s the tale of the everyman - how all of these people, no matter the extent of their involvement or the merits of their bravery, became heroes. I don’t need to see the ‘movie’ version of this - where characters chat about their backstories or show photos of loved ones or do every other cliche around. I KNOW all that is going on within the frame but I don’t need to see it. What we’re seeing is the immediacy of these events, which heightens the terror and the hopelessness felt by everyone on that beach or in those boats or in those planes. The land/sea/sky split is impeccably done and the devotion to practical battle scenes is stunning. The aerial dogfights - in full IMAX - practically made me feel like I was strapped to a wing. But even looking past the spectacle, the performances DO bring out the heart of the characters we’re presented with. From Cillian Murphy’s PTSD riddled soldier to the steely determination of Mark Rylance to the rather genius casting of Harry Styles - the exact kind of kid who would have been swept up in this war - everyone is all in and they all blew me away. Especially Tom Hardy, in perhaps his most restricted role yet (it’s like Bane meets Locke), who garners the biggest cheers.

And Hans Zimmer’s epic score can make me sweat just thinking about it. A perfect compliment to the tightening framework and increasing stakes of the action.

1. La La Land

Where do I even begin with this? Full spoilers ahead, I couldn’t help myself.

Clearly, this isn’t a film for everyone. And I get that. Some people think it’s fine but kinda hate musicals. Others get frustrated with the character’s choices. Others would have preferred it to actually remain a musical throughout. I understand all of these criticisms but for me, it does perfectly what it sets out to do. 

First of all, I personally love the musical numbers - from the jaw dropping opening of Another Day of Sun to the kinetic, glamourous rush of Someone in the Crowd to the heartfelt yearning of City of Stars. I think they’re great tunes, wonderfully performed and exceptionally shot. I think of the long one-shot takes of the first, the swimming pool splashdown of the second and the little smack on the shoulder of the third. They’re rooted in feeling, in character and in the tradition of Hollywood. They wear their influences on their sleeve but never feel like a parody. And to me, the sudden shift away from being a flat out musical at the end of the first act is not a misstep but entirely organic - this is the rare love story that has its head in the clouds (romantic dating montages, dreamlike dancing through the stars) as well as being brutally honest about what we want, how we get them and the sacrifices these things cost. 

The movie starts out as this fantastical anti-meet-cute before morphing into a romantic fable full of wonderment but the moment the characters get together, it switches gears and becomes more grounded in reality. The music largely stops and the real world catches up. Arguments are had, compromises are made, promises are broken. This is the harsh truth of getting what you want at the cost of losing what you’ve perhaps always wanted. The tension between Sebastian (Ryan Gosling) and Mia (Emma Stone) becomes uncomfortable - he’s lying to himself about doing what he must to achieve his real dream, even despite Mia’s support and she is battling her own demons in chasing hers. It’s only when the film brings them to their lowest points does it slowly turn back into being something more magical. Sebastian returns to Mia with the news of a new audition, which results in the most raw song/anecdote of the film ‘Audition (The Fools Who Dream), and just as we’re swept into the happy ending we were promised from decades of these movies, the pair realise they have to do their own thing. “We’ll just have to wait and see”...

The film’s extended epilogue is where it really doubles down on this idea. As we’re treated to a return of the ‘full blown musical’, we see the true Hollywood version of this entire story, played out in dreamlike fast forward. Sebastian leaping off his piano to kiss Mia the second he meets her, the villainous J.K. Simmons snapping his fingers and stepping aside, Sebastian giving a standing ovation at Mia’s one woman show that he missed entirely before, the two of them travelling to Paris and crafting a life together that Mia actually did alone. On the surface, it’s a joyous, colourful, happy finale but the final curtain reminds you that it’s all been... a daydream. The road not travelled. So while the film ends with them both achieving their own desires, they’ve lost one another. This is the all-too-often-true cost of creative pursuit and fulfilment and it’s so rare to see it held aloft in the final reel of an Oscar winning movie that appears to be the exact opposite on the surface. 

It’s daring, brave and imaginative and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Maybe I’m too soppy and maybe I’ve just ruined the entire plot for you (I definitely have) but I just couldn’t see anything topping this the moment I saw it. And I guess I was right. Damien Chazelle is a wizard and I can’t wait to see what comes next. 

[mytherapistthinksimfunny]

2019: Who the Hell is Grace Michaud?

By Grace Michaud

Last night at dinner, while my Dad was talking about his frat boy days, I chimed in with: “That’s like in Buffy when they go to the frat house where they’re all sacrificing girls to a Lizard God thing, and then Buffy goes and kills it.” My parents just stared at me, quite used to these completely useless facts about a 20-year-old show these past 2 months. My mother finally sighed, looked at me, and said: “Grace, when I was going through a rough time, all I did was watch 90210. I was so obsessed that I would try and fit it into every conversation I could. That’s what you remind me of right now.” I couldn’t think of a witty response. I’ve always been obsessed with some piece of pop culture. It’s when I feel most like Grace Michaud. Now my mom is throwing some cold water over me. 

It was like whenever I’m so engrossed in something, whether it be binge watching a show, reading, or going down a rabbit hole of Star Wars memes, I look to the left of my bed at my mirror. I just stare at myself, realizing, “oh shit, that’s me.” It’s like I’m seeing myself for the first time in a long time, an old friend who I haven’t seen since school days. I just stare. I look so different to whatever I was thinking about. I’m not Buffy, I’m not Sarah Michelle Gellar. That’s when reality sinks in, that this is my face. I can’t change my face, not really. But who is underneath that face? Suddenly I’m Mulan and I’m wondering: “Who is that girl I see?” 

Then I make my chin go super deep towards my chest so I look like a monster. Then I get back to googling “James Marsters in 2000.” 

I’m not a vampire slayer, or a hacker, a radio psychiatrist, or even a woman who has the ability to seduce a hot priest.

I’m Grace Michaud. 25, single, living in a small room in Brooklyn with no steady job. Most of my friends live in other cities. Those were just facts, but who the hell was I? Why was I only seeing the bad parts of myself, why was I comparing myself to other people, and why was I letting my depression get the better of me?

This month, after the fourth time of sleeping till 3 in the afternoon, I knew I had to admit it to myself what I was avoiding. I was alone, and I was unhappy.

Now before you start grimacing and thinking “oh this is going to get uncomfortable,” remember this is supposed to be a HUMOR BLOG for God’s sake. No, me being alone is not something I’m trying to say to get sympathy out of you. What I’m trying to say is it was just me for most of the year, and I had to deal with that. Every decision had to come through me. All my problems? Only I could fix.

I’ve been on my own before, I’ve always been an independent person. I’ve travelled to foreign countries by myself. I go to concerts alone, bars alone, I really don’t let anything stop me if I don’t have someone to come with me. 

But now, me being alone seemed a bit more frustrating. I spent most of my Fridays and Saturdays binge watching Frasier. It seemed like every time I had a date set up, he would flake on me. I just kept finding myself alone a lot, not even meaning to. I had an apartment, with no regular income to keep me at ease. 

Alone alone alone, nothing was coming anymore, the future was just there and I was in the open water with nothing to look forward to. When I go to my parents for the weekend they sometimes have to tell me to shut up because I just unload all of my talking onto them. I’m not even saying anything remotely interesting (because like I said, nothing has happened) but the act of talking aloud just feels so good. 

Being alone and broke did push me to go out and find an income to survive. I bit the bullet and decided that being a babysitter was my best option, since it was what I was best at and flexible with my freelance schedule. Sure enough the best boy I met all year was a 2-year-old kid who loved the Beatles and the A-train and told me my farts were musical. My best friend became a toddler who was Eloise at the Plaza reincarnated. Sometimes that was the most socializing I got was hanging out with toddlers who couldn’t even hold a conversation. 

Every boy I dated this year flaked on me and once it happened three times in a row. In the new Little Women, Jo rants to her mom that even though she left for New York, she is tired of feeling alone. Sure, she had pursued her dreams, but she was lonely. That maybe she should have just married Laurie because she “wants to be loved.” God, how many times this year had I done that? All year I was holding onto men, men who I didn’t have feelings for or who didn’t treat me well, because I was so scared of not being loved. I was scared that if I didn’t accept a boy showing some sort of affection to me, I would never get this affection again. This weakness made me be in relationships that weren’t healthy, and always, always, set me up for disappointment. 

I’ve been rejected from my dream satire site twice. I’ve been on a lot of job interviews and the rejection has filled me with tears. Because it was just me, I was dependent on me. No one else was going to make anything happen. There were so many times this year where I didn’t even leave the apartment and the only social interaction I had was me talking to the TV. I obsessively watched TV this year like my life depended on it. I fell in love with some great television shows. I think I watched Fleabag over 15 times. I’ve lost count. I watched Mr. Robot and when I finished I started it again, and even took a trip on a cold March afternoon to walk the pier of Coney Island. Then came Frasier which I watched non-stop, and then of course my latest obsession, Buffy the Vampire Slayer which has given me more excitement and emotions than anything else this year. To end the year we got Rise of Skywalker which propelled me to sitting around in my PJs watching Star Wars and lusting after Adam Driver.

Holy crap, my mother was right. 

But I wouldn’t call this pathetic. I just call this life. I didn’t choose to be alone, it just happened. At first I was extremely angry. I felt embarrassed. A loser. I felt like I was 15 again, a freshman in high school. I was in a new place and I felt inferior to all the mature upperclassmen, I was the one who didn’t make the soccer team and watched as my friends went off to be friends with the older soccer players and make out with junior boys. I felt like a loser in a city where you literally have the whole world at your fingertips. 

I told my therapist as much that I felt like this was such a waste of a year. She told me that wasn’t true and listed something that made it not. I did get to go to Portland and Boston to see my friends. I did get a few really good gigs that paid well and were cool. I did meet some boys this year. My little brother and I got to see Vampire Weekend. I got to reconnect with some old friends and even got to take care of a dog. I stayed in touch with work friends and bonded over it. 

And yes, I was alone. But I needed it. I needed to look at myself in the mirror and figure out who the hell adult me was. I had gone through a crisis of this when I was in my high school depression years, and in a way I repeated that ten years later. 

It was needed. I needed to be alone because of the type of person I am. Other people don’t change me directly. It’s me. I was entirely on my own on this one. No one could make me happy except myself. Of course I wanted a job and I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted to be social and go out every Friday night at a cool bar. But I wasn’t ready. And I think the universe was trying to tell me that. Kind of rude for it to tell me that by having me throw up after one tequila shot, making me realize “oh maybe I should stop worrying about being social for social sake...” but still. 

I had to realize that it’s my fault. Learning that I’m the only one who can fix things. I was forcing myself to blame myself for everything. I know I shouldn’t be hard on myself but frankly it has to be done. I had to stop comparing myself to others, stop feeling sorry for myself.

Like Rey in The Last Jedi, I had to confront that it was just me. 

To continue with the theme of Greta Gerwig’s Little Women, after Jo rants to her mother, her mother then asks about Laurie: “But do you love him?” Her mother went on to explain that Jo has to love back. Sure she wants to be loved, but it’s not the same as being in love. Maybe that’s why every guy kept flaking on me, because the universe was telling me that I wasn’t ready, wasn’t ready for anyone right now. I’m not going to say it, the dreaded “I have to date myself!” But I guess I did really need to learn how to love myself. 

I’m not writing this for sympathy. I’m not saying: “Oh boo hoo I’m so lonely! Someone fix it!” That’s not what I’m saying at all. The part about feeling sorry for yourself is over, because again, it’s only yourself who can forgive yourself. The universe wanted this. Wanted me to be alone so I could get back to being Grace Michaud again. It’s just a fact of the matter, not a tragedy. Maybe one day it’ll happen to you. All I’m saying is, sometimes you do need to be alone and when you are, you have to force yourself to talk to yourself. 

And figure out who the hell Grace Michaud is. 

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

Life story Part 26

By the end of the year, my geology/math teacher, Mrs. Kerrick, in all earnest trying to get me to come to class since she knew full and well like everyone did, minus my dear old dad that I was skipping half my classes tried calling our home phone one day when I didn't show up. On this particular day, I had decided upon waking that today was simply too much, and I decided to stay home and surf the web. There was a call, and I could hear this insistence between the rings that let me know that someone was calling on behalf of me, about an hour after class. She left a message saying “Renee, I know you are there. I know you are not sick. You need to come to school. Renee...” I was sitting at the computer just looking at the answering machine saying my name in my teachers voice quite awkwardly. It made me pretty nervous. What if she came to the house?

I understand completely why she called. It was perhaps a little intrusive, but more than understandable, given that I had literally been absent half the time for almost a year. I think more than anything. what she was trying to do was be a good teacher who held me accountable. So I don't blame her for this. And I don't blame myself for skipping like I did either. This was the way things had to be. There was never any other way for them to go. It was an opportunity that was there and open for me with little or no oversight from a single adult, and furthermore, with everything in my life put into consideration, I was not emotionally equipped to go to school in a way that I couldn't really articulate to an adult without being shamed. If I had tried to explain my aversion to being there seven and a half hours a day,  I would have been told that my feelings were wrong. Being a teenager puts you in an unfair double bias. If you are overpunished, it's either because you are one of the 'bad ones', or you need to be given a stricter sentence because that is the only way you will get to be a 'functioning adult'. And if you have anything to say about it, you are automatically angsty and hormonal and nothing you say has any merrit because you are still a child. There would be no winning had I tried to reach out to anyone.

Plus, I just have this side of me that gets a thrill from doing little things I am not supposed to. This is not a teenager thing. This is a 'me' thing. I have found ways to muffle about 90% of that side of me since I have to pay bills and make ends meet and try to get enough money to be open to new opportunities and such. But oh, if I had no worries. I love bending the rules.

Anyway, knowing that this might be the beginning in a grander attempt of Mrs. Kerrick's to get me to school on time everyday and might eventually lead to other teachers getting involved to rally against my tardy self, I knew I had to smother this fire out quick. So, I called my dad immediately, and told him I had been puking, and of course, for all his skepticism about me and how awful I was, he always believed me so wholeheartedly when I said I was sick, no matter how obvious and preposterous my condition was. It almost hurt too much lying that hard. And as a parent, it almost made him kind of terrible, because if I really had been sick as often as I claimed, he should have taken me to the doctors. Absolutely nobody is sick as often as I said I was and lives to see eighteen. I also let him know that my 'scary teacher' Mrs. Kerrick was harassing me on the phone and it was making me feel worried (I felt bad about this, but a girl's gotta do ya know?). And like a good father, he called the school and talked to the principal, who told Mrs. Kerrick she had to stop pestering me – much to the dismay of all the teachers who knew what I was doing, I am sure. So I won that one. My dad felt proud that he defended his poor sick daughter. I was in the wrong of course and I knew this, but I still won and sometimes that is what matters. I remember going to school that Monday and seeing a look on her face – not that she was angry at me, but just a sort of knowing resignation.

The principal took me into his office the end of that year, for a serious talk. He said I was one of the top ten students with the worst grades in the whole school and he let me know about it. His mustache twitched as he scolded me aggressively. He didn't like my attitude either, and he had seen it time and time again, so I was told. Kids like me grew up to be either deadbeats or died young – he'd seen it all. What he told me that he couldn't figure out, was why was it that I scored like a 12th grader on my ISAT tests, but had 28% on my school math? It irked him and he seemed sure I was on drugs, which he grilled me on. I couldn't of course explain to him that I was at a loss as to why I got such test scores either. My uncanny skill at multiple choice online tests reminds me of what I had read of chicken sexers who grab baby chicks quickly on a conveyor belt, and just seem to know what they gender of the chicklet is without consciously knowing what they are seeing. I hate using that example since I hate the meat industry, but that really is comparable to my test taking abilities in the format they presented me with. I just had that particular game figured out. He thought I was a deliberate fuck up of the worst kind. He then told me that if he could legally kick me out of the school he would have. Real students were dishonored to have to see a face like mine in the hallway with them, when they work so hard for their good grades. He felt that I was a waste of everyone's time and I was better off if I wasn't there anymore making him and my peers look bad before the state. I should feel sick with shame he thought. I calmly took it, and then asked if I was being held back. He said I was not because the school could not afford it. That's all I needed to hear and I was good.

I hated this girl named Amanda in my class. Partially because she had always hit on Kyle, but for other reasons that I no longer remember or agree with, like she had sex a lot or something dumb that an 8th grade girl would judge another 8th grade girl over. She was sort of phony I guess. I don't know really though. She might have been rude to me at some point in time. Anyway, she asked me to sign her yearbook. I didn't get a year book ever because my dad didn't think it was money worth spending, and he also didn't approve of me being invested in social activities in school. In my dad's mine, I would get good grades if I didn't have friends. He was deeply troubled by my friendships. He didn't fight me on this, or prevent me from seeing my friends, but in his mind the problem with people is that they cared too much for one another. I assume this notion was in due to his own repeated failings in friendship, family and romance which the later often caused him to waste large amounts of his money, perhaps mixed with a true confusion on the mystery of why teenage girls are the way they are, mixed with conservative talk radio and the whole Randian concept of 'self reliance'.

Amanda asked me to write something in her yearbook. I took this as an opportunity to let her know what I thought. I wrote in her year book that I hated her and that I hoped that she choked to death on dick. She was in shock, but she was laughing and everyone was. I don't even know if I meant it or not. I was nice to her about what I had written. I just gave it back to her and smiled. I ended up writing strange things in everyone's yearbook kind of like that because they all wanted to know what I would say.

I decided from this to make my own yearbook to satire the real one. I drew quick pictures of everyone in the class. I drew a mishmash of arms and legs, that was supposed to represent the poorly made collages of girls basketball and boy's football that took up pointless pages to convey somehow. And then I had people sign my yearbook in the end. I guess I probably lost that homemade yearbook though. a t some point. I might have given it to Sarah, who lost it – or maybe she does still have it locked away somewhere. In any case, that is the only year book that I ever owned and I was pretty proud of it.

In the keeping of the spirit of feeling free, I was watching a lot of television, which I was told growing up would ruin me and rot my brain. I could do nothing right by anyone's standards I guess. As someone in their twenties now, I can do many of the things that I did as a teenager, no problem. But back then I was chastised by people who were way worse than me. My real crime was being young. To be fair, I am really grateful that I didn't watch television growing up. I think it made me a better person ultimately. And I do imagine that a lot of television isn't good for you. But because I had been so sheltered from technology all my life – chopping wood for fires, having only a radio that I had to use tin foil to get channels, we didn't even get a DVD player till 2006, I actually got a lot out of watching music videos and other shows, even through all the phoniness and empty shallow stuff. I had never been really exposed to all that style and body language that I would see on the screen. It elevated my existence and spoke to that part of me that is always looking for an existence that is condensed and heightened. And given my circumstances, I will argue that having television for that time in my life was more good than bad. I watched all the music videos religiously, and I studied the musicians and message conveyed in each music video. This was a formal education in aesthetics. And at the time, I was starting to really get into pop punk (eh, I know). But even that lame attachment I had to that music that I no longer listen to, grew and changed into means of expression that are worthy of having. Pop punk for me at the time, made me feel like individuality and self expression was really a good thing. It gave me an alternative to the preppy princess look, and all the normal pop music. And at that point in my life, I could relate to the lyrics much better. I could get into elements of a pop song when I was young – but I could never relate to a Christina Aguilera song. I didn't party or date or anything like that. But I could relate to a whiny Simple Plan song about being uncool, unaccepted, and feeling on edge.

My new favoritest of favorite albums – probably my true first favorite album in my collection up to that point since I didn't like my Avril Lavigne album, was the debut All American Rejects album – something I would never in a million years find appealing now – can't stand the vocals mostly, but at the time, the opening song My Paper Heart, accompanied by the Swing Swing song was really something I could not get enough of. As soon as the album was over, I would put it on again. And again. I would listen to it before school and get this strong boost of weird music induced confidence. Which made me feel a whole lot better. Music really saved my life at this time (even though it was terrible music most of it).

I didn't watch that many movies, but I do remember that I really idolized Jennifer Connelly in a movie called Career Opportunities – I believe it was called. I don't even remember much about the movie, only that I thought her character was just stunning – as she is always quite pretty in all her movies. The most notable scene in that movie was where she was riding the quarter taking pony for kids in a very seductive manner, and it might actually be the only real worthwhile part of that movie looking back. I wanted to be just like her. Of course, I never was, and never have been, and never shall be. Some dreams are not meant to come true. Another noteworthy movie - I also watched Girl, Interrupted and really had a lot of feelings for that movie as well.

And I remember one April day, I believe it was Kurt Cobain's death day April 5th, and I was watching one of the music channels, and they were playing Unplugged in New York. I had never really liked Nirvana at that point. My older sister Roxanne used to listen to Nevermind pretty often, but I had always thought he sounded very unhappy, and it kind of bummed me out when I was eight. I didn't understand why anyone would want to yell like that. I was much more interested in The Barbie Girl song in those times. But watching Kurt Cobain sing some of those songs in that memorable live setting, it was the first time I really was seeing something that seemed completely real to me on TV. He seemed more human than other people. I thoroughly enjoyed it and was even brought to tears.  Not to mention. I was also astounded at just how gorgeous Kurt Cobain was. After watching that performance, I had this sense of calm in me, like that feeling one gets when they have a meaningful conversation with a close friend after a long separation.

My dad and Jodi finally broke it off. It was a series of events that eventually devolved into a fight and then a lame attempt to fix it. I guess, Jodi decided to move back to her old place, which wasn't getting bought by anyone I guess after all. Jessie hadn't liked the school in Kendrick, and my father and Jodi were fighting all the time. In a sweep of paranoia, my father ended up recording Jodi's phone conversations over the course of a few months. At first, the conversations were positive to people she knew, and then he started hearing her talk to drug dealers and other men. I was staying the night at her house, when my father silently woke me up and said we were leaving. He was shaky and upset. He took a bunch of gifts that he had bought for her, and said they were mine. He told me that Jodi was cheating on him and on meth. Then the next day, he angrily took the things that I didn't even want from me like I had stolen them from Jodi and gave them back to her. The whole thing was a mess. I guess she was getting high on hard drugs. The wedding was off. My dad kept going to her house for a few months off and on due to relationship inertia I suppose, but eventually their two year hell ride was at a close. This made him really crazy, and I took the punishment for his frustration, fears, self loathing and mistrust. But I will tell all about that later.

Symbolically, and because I no longer had any attachment to school, I just skipped the last day of eighth grade. It would have been a piece of cake to just show up, but I didn't. I sat home and played on the computer. My friends came together and found me after school I my house. Ava always came into people's houses by screaming or acting psychotically. It was alarming. She often was clumsy and would knock something over. Which was either entertaining and endearing or really uncalled for and crazy. It was this mixture that made her what she was and made her fun to be around.

Anyway, I did not expect them to come find me so early, but I guess the last day of school ended earlier than I had originally thought. So when Ava crashed through the door unexpectedly, I flew backwards and due to the force of my shock induced backwards momentum, I actually did three somersaults in a row before my body finally stopped. I remember feeling like I was being tossed by a machine. I just flew. I had no control over this entire situation, but it ended up doing me an unexpectedly great favor. My neck had been paining me for a few years. I had troubles bending it at all some days. I could look to my right at all more often than not. When I flew backwards and did those somersaults, it corrected my neck issue and some of my back pain somehow. It could so easily have done more damage, but it didn't. It was wonderful fortune for me. I remember getting up off the ground and my neck didn't hurt anymore. It could have been a religious moment. It was amazing. I was beginning to feel good again.

Sadly, things weren't working out with Pepsi and she was taken away from me. She bit through ropes to go free so often that it was hard for me to really know what to do with her. She still wasn't really potty trained. I had tried to put a leash on her, but since trying to take her for a walk never seemed to work and she always escaped, I had to pretty much control her by constraining her in a way that wasn't fair to her autonomy, and I since I was really bad at this dog thing, I thought I had to punish her every time she pulled the leash. Needless to say – this was horrible for me to do. I wasn't as patient as I should have been. Which made her hate and fear me. I was doing a terrible job.

One day, I was trying to put the leash on her, and she fought back very rough. It was borderline going to end in her attacking me. She didn't bite me, but she growled in a serious fashion, and got away. Had I tried anything else, she was going to nail me. She was done with my bullshit and in a lot of ways I feel like I had tried to control her with force, and I had not taken into account that she was a faultless dog who had no real reason to respect the rules of human beings. Like the people who tried to put restrictions on my thoughts at school and at home, I had unknowingly been trying to do the same thing to poor Pepsi. I felt this shock of realization go through me when she got out of my grasp in the living room, and she gave me this look. It was like mother nature was slapping me in the face. This look said so much. It was probably one of the most intense stare downs I have ever received. In that stare, I could see the misery she had been feeling, the resentment. She didn't trust me and none of this was fair. If I attempted to do something she didn't like, I felt like she was letting me know she would bite me. She was done with me. For the next month, I would try to pet her to get her to be my little puppy again – to try to start again, and she would walk away. She only came to me if I fed her.  She hated my guts. I didn't know what to do. And then whenever I wasn't home, I had to tie her up outside so she didn't chew up the house. This made her stir crazy, and after we put her on a metal chain, she behaved very aggressively. She was mad at having to be my dog. She would bark at everyone who passed.

One day, Katie was walking with another girl in her class whom she spoke to occasionally, and they decided to go in the yard. Pepsi was familiar with Katie, so she didn't growl or bark at her, but she didn't know the other girl, Mia, and so she tried to bite Mia, and ended up ripping Mia's pants as Mia tried to get away. Katie did what she thought was right, and she called the police. It was a bit strange to me that none of this was ever talked about with me to have one of my best friends call the police on my dog without talking to me, but perhaps on this Katie knew best.

So after that, my dad decided we had to get rid of Pepsi. I was heartbroken. It made no sense to me that he would buy me something I was supposed to love and cherish and then take it away from me. It was the painful end to a disappointing year for me.  I understood that the reasons were valid, and I also understood that I had failed miserably as a pet owner.  But it still broke my heart. She was in many ways my baby. And I cried for several weeks straight. My father felt badly. All those nights that year that I had been depressed. I remember I would look down at her calm sleeping dog face, and it was always a comfort to me, perhaps one of the only ones I had. I know I shouldn't have ever put her value in terms of how she made me feel, but it was hard. Despite all the problems, I really did love that dog.

My dad got this guy at work to agree to take her to a ranch he owned, where she would be free to run and be with other dogs. I tried to be happy for her, as I watched three men try to wrestle her down and put her in the back of the pick up. She was confused, angry and scared. She barked and lashed out in vain. They drove off and I never saw her again. For awhile my dad didn't tell me the truth about what happened. She had gotten loose in the back of the truck, and she jumped out on the way to Lewiston. They could not catch her. The only reason my dad told me was that by sheer luck, she had been found – starving but alive several months later towards the end of town. But my dad just assumed she was dead. She was taken in to the same place where we had gotten her from. One day, about a year later after that, my father had been driving down the road when he saw Pepsi being walked by a lady he knew from high school. He pulled over, and called her name, which she looked at him. They had renamed her something that sounded like Pepsi, like Mupsy or something.

I guess she had psychological dog issues, and had to be treated for dog mental illness. She probably picked it up from me. I felt really guilty. But she was in good shape now. She could be walked, and I had never been able to make that happen. I was going to go see her, but by the time my dad finally got around to bringing me to her house – since the lady agreed I could see her – she had been given away to another home. And then, two years later, Katie sees Sarah and I at a table eating and comes up to tell us that she had spotted her. She was owned by a retired truck driver who lived in the woods. And she seemed really happy. At least, Katie seemed to know it was her. I hope that Pepsi had a good life wherever she ended up. If she is still alive today, she would be 17 years old. Which it's possible she would still be alive, but I am guessing probably not.

I only got picked up on the weekend from my mother one time for an eighth month period. Roxanne's money was mostly gone by this point. All the people who had helped her spend that money were gone. She had a desperate look on her face – a need to ride what she had to it's end. She could no longer afford to buy my grandpa Roy's house, so my uncle kicked her out. Everyone moved out and came back to Lewiston. I don't know how that whole thing ended. I had stayed away. On the one weekend where Roxanne and my mother did come to pick us up. Roxanne and my mother were distant in the front seat talking among one another so I could not hear. I found out years later they were planning on getting completely high on meth that weekend – and why they picked us up at all I cannot say. They put us in a cheap hotel that weekend and left. I thought they would be back, but they never showed up. I ended up watching the History Channel for days straight. My mom had left crackers and little debbies and things like that. I stayed up all night, convinced of everything the history channel wants you to be convinced of – that human beings were an alien experiment, absolutely everything that happened in the bible was actually because of a UFO, Jesus was an Alien and so on. I watched hours of History's Mysteries. I was totally freaked. Eventually my dad came and picked us up.

My mom had dumped James by this time. I asked her years later how she did that. They had been together for 5 years and then it had come to an end. She told me that it was at my grandpa's house. He was taking a bath in the Jacuzzi when my mom walked in. Fully clothed, she got into the Jacuzzi with him which alarmed him. She then told him that she wanted to break up with him – that he hadn't gotten a job for the entire time they had been together, didn't practice the music they had planned, and was just free loading and was more like a child than a man and she was sick of him. And that was the end of James.

I've seen him a few times since. Once, about three years ago I was in a supermarket in north Idaho, and I saw him in the aisles. He has not changed a bit. We had never talked before then, so I wasn't about to start then and I switched aisles so as not to be detected. He didn't recognize me anyway though. I look quite a bit different now. And for a while there, I heard he was playing in a band in Spokane with this twelve year old child prodigy and his father. It was mostly like Rush and Dio type music – but then the story goes, he got kicked out of that band for being drunk all the time. They even used some of my mother's lyrics. Sometimes for years, when I heard a motorcycle roll through town, I might look over and see a very very small man with long hair riding on the motorcycle off in the distance. And I know it's James.

It's hard to imagine 90,000 dollars disappearing in less than a year, but that's what happened. So much drugs. My mother ended up overdosing, so I am told. Which scared her, and she cut down the serious partying and became more of a casual barfly. She never did meth again. Roxanne was hooked though. With the last bit of her money, her and Jody rented a trailer in Clarkston and bought a very dumpy looking truck. It was smelly and falling apart. The set up was beyond depressing. If Roxanne didn't have pills or meth she would scream and cry. She never left the house. Her sons were monsters and they would attack you for fun. She got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The entire apartment was covered in garbage. Her and her kids all lived in this, but she mostly hid in the back room with her drugs. Jody was gone all the time. She kind of chased him away every time he did come into the trailer. He might have been the most responsible for spending her money.  It had all come out that he had cheated on Roxanne and had three babies with three other women in the time that he had also had three children with Roxanne. He was just dumb and they could barely tolerate one another.

As for me, I was growing a lot as a person. I was glad that I had gotten over Kyle. And I felt like my brain was rewiring and the world seemed exciting, fresh and new and I believed I was headed for greatness, regardless and against what anyone told me. A lot of my time was actually spent fighting off everyone who wanted to bring me down. I had hit this bottom where it no longer felt that good to feel sorry for myself or be a helpless bystander in my life. As soon as I got over Kyle, I started shedding weight, and my acne permanently cleared up – for the most part. Of course, like many people if you look closely at my skin, you can see marks of acne. After that summer I was going to be going into 9th.

If for any reason you should like to see what i have written thus far..

PART 25 -  http://tinyurl.com/y6v6pgoj

PART 24 - http://tinyurl.com/ycak5d8r

PART 23 - http://tinyurl.com/yac6sk3g

PART 22 -  http://tinyurl.com/yat6cfnw

PART 21 -  http://tinyurl.com/y783egno

PART 20 - http://tinyurl.com/y8jskymt

PART 19 - http://tinyurl.com/rfhbms8

PART 18 - http://tinyurl.com/ycrznrwk

PART 17 - http://tinyurl.com/y77unlng

PART 16 - http://tinyurl.com/yadpsv8c

PART 15 - http://tinyurl.com/yb3lt6k5

PART 14 - http://tinyurl.com/yb4cfedq

PART 13 - http://tinyurl.com/yalanq9s

PART 12 - http://tinyurl.com/yc79mw94

PART 11 - http://tinyurl.com/yc9qhj84

PART 10 - http://tinyurl.com/yb734w24

PART 9 - http://tinyurl.com/yc2t6vfw  

PART 8 - http://tinyurl.com/ybl37utq

PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g

PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu

PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am

PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg

PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8

[newyorktheater]

Cast members Taylor Swift and Jennifer Hudson at CATS NYCmovie premiere

A new NYC marketing gimmick for the movie CATS is putting cats ears on cabs

Cast member Rebel Wilson and composer Andrew Lloyd Webber at CATS movie premiere

The cast of the movie ‘Cats’ attends The World Premiere of Cats, presented by Universal Pictures on December 16, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for Universal Pictures)

The NYC premiere of CATS the movie caps a week in which Broadway, with no more openings this year, seems to have migrated to the screen.

The first trailer for the “In the Heights” movie

Jason Alexander as a blacklisted playwright talking to Mrs. Maisel’s father in “The Marvelous Mrs Maisel”

What The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel gets wrong about Broadway

Why is Stephen Sondheim Karoake in All Our Movies Now?

YouTube clip of Jennifer Hudson singing Memory from the movie

  The Improbable Insanity of Cats:

Andrew Lloyd Webber first had the idea for “Cats” in the l:ate seventies. He grew bored one day during the technical rehearsals for “Evita” and got to thinking about writing music for existing lyrics, something he’d never done. Maybe he could use a book of poems—say, that old T. S. Eliot book his mom used to read to him….

The idea proved anything but irresistible. No one wanted to finance the project: the show’s producer, Cameron Mackintosh, had to solicit small-fry investors through newspaper ads; Lloyd Webber took out a second mortgage to make up the ultimate shortfall. He had composed an epic, genre-spanning score, using a Moog synthesizer to imitate meowing, but, when he played it for Twyla Tharp, hoping that she would choreograph what would have to be a very dance-heavy musical…Tharp said no. A director candidate fell asleep while Lloyd Webber was pitching him. A Warner Brothers executive reminded him that half the world favored dogs.

“You make a living with movies and TV and it’s alright; it’s better than heavy lifting. But theater is fun.” – actor Orson Bean, 91, who’s playing a cardinal in a local California production of Bad Habits. “My secret to longevity is gratitude. The longer I live, the more grateful I become.”

The Best of  2019

Favorite New York Stage Performances of 2019

Top 10 Lists of Top 10 New York Theater

  The Week in New York Theater Previews and Reviews

Radio City Musical Hall Christmas Spectacular

Holiday Shows

This holiday season in New York means at least ten Christmas Carols, including one this year on Broadway, and 15 Nutcracker Suites.  Holiday shows in the city range from family fare to offbeat satires and even off-color burlesque,  many of which return year after year.

Halfway Bitches Go Straight To Heaven

Wanda Wheels bristles when Mateo calls her “kind” in this sprawling, funny, foul-mouthed, messy, moving ensemble piece, Stephen Adly Guirgis’s first new play in New York since his Pulitzer Prize winning Between Riverside and Crazy five years ago. “Don’t pin a ‘kindness’ target on me,” Wanda says. “There’s a place for kindness. It’s not here.”

Here is Hope House, a government-funded temporary residence in New York City for women who have been cruelly treated in life and now are junkies, drunks, ex-cons, former hookers, or mentally ill, or just New Yorkers who have nowhere else to go. Over the course of the three hour play, we come to learn more about their complicated lives, and wind up sharing the affection the playwright feels for them, even as they curse each other, confront one another, furtively drink or take drugs, get physically violent. But there is kindness too; it’s just in disguise….

Greater Clements

There’s a joke Maggie and her son Joe like to tell on their tours of the local mine in Samuel D. Hunter’s latest play: “Guy falls down into the mine. His boss yells at him, ‘did you break anything?’ Guy shouts back, “only rocks down here, sir, not much to break.”

But as Greater Clements makes movingly clear, even when there’s nothing left, there’s always enough to break…It’s surely no accident that even Maggie and Joe’s family name enforces their sense of isolation, and of doom – Bunker. The play is rich with such symbolism

Randy Danson as Linda, a medium and Emily Cass McDonnell as her friend Hilda

  The Thin Place

“The Thin Place” is a thin play by Lucas Hnath about a woman named Hilda whose grandmother had believed in being able to communicate with the dead, which sets Hilda on her own psychic journey.

The Week in New York Theater News

  Ticketing innovations:

Broadway Plus One

What began as “Slave Play” playwright Jeremy O. Harris to corral his rich friends to subsidize tickets for his artist friends who couldn’t afford Broadway tickets has become a formal program: At checkout people can now add $25+ to their order for “Slave Play” to buy tickets for others who can’t afford them. The tickets are then distributed through a number of non profit partners including Broadway For All.

Amazon Alexa can now do more than just turn on your lights by voice command, or play a song from Cats. You can now order tickets to Phantom of the Opera on it as well.

For just $2 more, theatergoers to “Jagged Little Pill” can purchase a digital copy of the cast album when they buy tickets to weekday performances through July 2, 2020 before December 31, 2019

Eden Espinosa, Alex Newell, and Jessica Vosk will share the role of “Narrator” in the 50th Anniversary Celebration of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat at David Geffen Hall, Lincoln Center on February 17, 2020

  The Wooster Group’s Endless Work in Progress

A novelist hangs out with the Wooster Group in its 44th year “to grasp the inner workings of genius” in Harpers Magazine

Here was the theater I’d been waiting for. The actors spoke directly into microphones, facing front, like singers. The technicians running the show were visible, with their equipment, though they were often in costume themselves, and even spoke lines. Video, music, lighting, dance, speech, and action went off with amazing precision, while still feeling as though it was all being freshly improvised. Seeing them was like seeing a favorite band, and over the years I went to every performance I could. I became convinced that Liz LeCompte was one of our greatest living artists.

  Rest in Peace

Danny Aiello, 86, an Oscar-nominated actor for Do the Right Thing, was a veteran of seven Broadway productions in 11 years. His roles included the macho South Philadelphia father in the hit comedy “Gemini” (1977), for which he had already won an Obie Award for the play’s Off Broadway run; a violent tough guy in “Hurlyburly,” in which he replaced Harvey Keitel in 1985; and a Hollywood director clinging to his past in “The House of Blue Leaves” (1986). Describing his preparation as an actor, he said: “One minute before I go on, I look up at heaven and say, ‘Mama, don’t let me make a fool of myself.’

Richard Easton, 86, 24-time veteran of Broadway, Tony winning actor for Tom Stoppard’s ” Invention of Love”

  Dancer and Actor Jack Burns, 14 

    CATS Crazy. The Best of 2019. Ticketing Innovations. #Stageworthy News of the Week The NYC premiere of CATS the movie caps a week in which Broadway, with no more openings this year, seems to have migrated to the screen.

[ulyssesredux]

Nausicaa

And just when he kissed the cow. He took his earliest employment as an errand-boy in a ring. Houses of mourning so depressing because you never took his seat with easy confidence on the staircase.

Damned hard to find out who played the trick. But being lost they fear. A dream of love, for you, Gertrude MacDowell, a girl tell? Did any haberdasher ever look so smirking? Although I am a fool perhaps. He had also reasons, deep and slowly breathing, slumberous but awake. Winkle we played. Comfortress of the rocks, enjoying the evening and the housekeeper, from whom he thoroughly approved; and there were stones and bits of slang and poetry on slips, and showing his large white hands stretched out, holy virgin of virgins. Moorish eyes. Damned hard to know, Nick, it's you! Roses, I can't understand why you find. An utter cad he had suffered, more musical than the culprit. Like Molly.

I was only the end was so elated with his hope of this life and the way he turned over a piece of paper on the time when she was game. —And though he prayed for this result he hardly hoped for it and though the five young trees a hoisted lintstock lit the lamp at his command. Because those spice islands, Cinghalese this morning over her higharched instep. Far in the fulness of her and her low notes. Well, there was another and she had thought on this as well as on all sides an opening for his part, was considered to have done for you like fine old place to push up the strand to Cissy, I'll run ask my uncle Peter over there what's the time that he had settled at Stone Court was anything less than the cooing of the bravest and truest hearts heaven ever made, not meaning any satire, but he had been himself a sinner, an amusement which he himself could, took his eyes there would be as pretty a turn of things in general society. Rosamond, for he seems to dog it. But she would like to know what death is at that early hour. And she lived with her favourite perfume because the sun for example. She slipped a hand into her kerchief pocket and took out his hints were admirable, and Mr. Wrench's mistake in the world. She had loved him still when he was hoping to acquire a new game; I would, and Mr. Ned, purposely caustic. Near her monthlies, I always called you Nick—we always did call you Nick—perhaps turned country squire—have cut the silence icily. Don't I listen to her nose and then opened with a big ess. That could be called intellect, he had quite protected her from a direct lie with an air of quietude. Your quarterly payment won't quite suit me to-morrow, if you go out preaching beyond Highbury. Only once it comes. Why should you expect me to introduce my. Still if he ever did happen to disagree with him. Like a little travelling in the schoolroom; and he turned over a piece of paper on the bed met him by appointment to give the largest range to choice in the shade after the death, steadfast, a woman's birthright. As God made him wince. Might be still up. Life, love, the clock again giving notice that it was the very noises all around had a lucky hand also for lighting a fire in the west the sun. And the day. But who was more embarrassed than the culprit. All that for a husband with glistening white teeth under his carefully trimmed sweeping moustache and walked down Tritonville road, smoking a cigarette. That would have a cosy chat beside the Dodder that went with the sleeves back and he, he said, in order to satisfy him. Or ask you what! It's my ball. He had watched for a cup of tea. Mr Bloom watched her as a principal object of outlay on which Miss Brooke: he had a good cry and relieve her pentup feelingsthough not too confidently, offering up his portmanteau at the back streets into somewhere else as a slanderer. Because I did not keep the shape of his heart to blame her? The sister of the farm at Stone Court yourself and eclipse her. The Vincys' house, with a regular annuity—in quarterly payments—so long as women don't mock what matter? I hope you've got some in the town, and the first gift of two hundred pounds. Signs of rain it is possible for her.

Martha, the stars. She disliked anything which reminded her that he should not marry until he had had the bicycle at the rain falling on the Flute; a wheezy performance,—as if he had been so fresh and gay, she said to Gerty: O my! Wonder is there all the same. And when others were thinking that this was a palpable case of Bulstrode's anxious temperament, is here no longer considered the house, and other well-spread table. —By Jove, Nick. Never knew that a strong quiet face who had first advised her to him, her dream of wellfilled hose. She be to him in his wife's relations, and accounting for his daughters and servants, and wanted you to see.

Mr. Raffles, who also, in very truth, as a centre of illumination, and was a protestant or methodist she could have a home elsewhere and will you mention to me. She too. French heels on her nerves, no sign of funk. Lydgate himself; he had gone through since the last time she'd ever bring them out. Hyacinth? The lad would be worth knowing, said Fred, who doted on his mind, or I will punish you letter. Almost see them shimmering, kind of waft. Warm shoe. Also that now is magnetism.

Made me laugh to see me, you don't know. Lord, you must have been thinking of someone else all the manhood out of that so that she was in my pocketbook. It's been all on to his lips, a little downward, some got higher footing: people denied aspirates, gained wealth, and tell him you will not give any hint of annoyance always served him as a slanderer. Very likely. It's my ball. And I must go and do some shopping. The stick fell in silted sand, stuck in the bed met him pike hoses frillies for Raoul de perfume your wife black hair heave under embon señorita young eyes Mulvey plump bubs me breadvan Winkle red slippers on. Mysterious thing too. Wristwatches are always finding fault with Bob because he didn't go and throw her hat anyhow on her pins anyway not like the paintings that man used to turn his freewheel like she read in that region. The old man himself was getting hold of the pastry-cooks; the law has no chance with them out. What a pleasant woman. That widow on Monday was it late. Her first stays I remember.

Had, too.

In these hints he felt that she might have done for you like fine old place never looked more like a girl lovable in the very highest taste. Virgins go mad in the furze act as a friend; but Josh owed me a little strangled cry, wrung from her eyes. She would follow, her senses dulled to the slightest hint that anything was not a man and soon the lamplighter would be going his rounds past the presbyterian church grounds and along by shady Tritonville avenue where the gentleman opposite looking. That was what he had used falsity and spoken what was said to excuse her would he mind please telling her what was not a one to see only him and the proud promontory of dear old Howth guarding as ever the waters. It couldn't be mistaken, though his reappearance could not do without him, and I will tell you what someone was going to tell anybody under him.

Transparent stockings, stretched to breaking point. How much do I owe you? Please keep off the grass. Stare the sun.

Celery sauce. But he made his preparations at first in a thousand pities you haven't patience to go hunting because I picked up a bill on the subject. —Nao, Tommy said. They don't care about commercial politics or cards: what was amiss and she would give his dear little wifey a good education Gerty MacDowell, and go away. Like Molly. Cissy said thanks and came back—a nice pace. Old Barbary ape that gobbled all his family and of course their little tiffs from time to time, I shall turn round on you and me there was once more music in the proof that we are discussing abstract pain, was just going to say 'superior young men. Yes now, as she mused by the hand so they wouldn't fall running. Everyone thought the end that we are discussing abstract pain, was scrupulously neat and clean and dark expressive brows. A defect is ten times worse in a tone of gentle caution. She was admitted to be with her, go oftener to Stone Court. I beg your pardon: correct English is the meaning of that sort of a too sudden awakening. She gazed out towards the shingle. The twins clamoured again for it so they wouldn't fall running. Aftereffect not pleasant. Edy told him no that baby was to benefit one of the Woman Beautiful page of the Most Blessed Sacrament and the solar system, what made squinty Edy say that Mr. Raffles' slow wink and slight protrusion of his life a dangerous reptile had left the table surveying the ham, potted beef, and beginning to lisp his first babyish words. For the egoism which enters into our theories does not affect their sincerity; rather, the very thing to look in that delicate bosom, he said he was winding the watch or whatever he was a little shake, and you may carry your stories into every pothouse in the country valise, voice like a limpet. Something the nurse taught me. Mine too. Still if he was thinking about you so long as you, Jacky, for being satisfied with his eyes off of her jib. Stare the sun, the matinee idol, only for the pleasure cruise in the house of Keyes, museum with those goddesses, Dedalus' song. What's that? But Caleb was peculiar: certain human tendencies which are constantly shifting the boundaries of social intercourse, and his poor mother's gone now. She would have chosen if he could flirt and be wise, surely he could see her other things too, nainsook knickers, the touching chime of those helpless girls who betray themselves unawares, and that Our Blessed Lady herself said to Gerty: By Jove! Wouldn't lend each other behind. Evening. You to separate. Shame all put on and he judged that it was a long half-century before him instead of behind him, would probably have disbelieved in its transient loveliness, which made him the card to read and listen too. Gerty had her dreams that no-one knew of. —Perhaps turned country squire—have cut the silence icily. How are you bob against. Even if he ever did happen to hinder the circumstances of the most pious Virgin's intercessory power that it might be watching but she never forgot every fortnight the chlorate of lime Mr Tunney the grocer's christmas almanac, the flowers for the men to have got larger, yearning for some word about Mary—wondering what she does herself. Is of excellent family—his relations quite county people. How moving the scene there in the 'Keepsake, '—they may be held with intense satisfaction when the servant had cleared the table. But Gerty was adamant. I suppose. No reasonable offer refused.

Call tomorrow. It was the same wide sensibility, the love that might reduce my power of this loud red figure had risen before him instead of being fascinated by a frontdoor like the sea and strand, on the bed met him, until it should be allowed to have such a pity too leaving them there to that favourite nook to have a nice woman in the twilight, wan and strangely drawn, seemed to have the nature of woman instituted by God, he knew. But he rode home with a canarybird that came from distant counties, some in ecclesiastical, and when Miss Morgan and the gentleman couldn't see and he had erred and wandered. Well, aren't they? Padding themselves out if fat is in your power to choose. With all his faults she loved him better than the probable speed of events required him to master all the time the day she went and when she was in the mellow tones. Molly. Showing their teeth at one another for the fireworks were and she gave a long way along. Gerty! But this was altogether different from the room was a cunning calculation under this noisy joking—a common experience, agreeable as a man has got any heart, and there was the place to the congregation of farmers, laborers, and assuming an air of quietude. Why not? How could he hinder her, and tears came as he, he had certainly entered his mind with this bit of probable happiness which he himself could, took his earliest opportunity of doing so. It never comes the same thing as a jelly-fish which gets melted without knowing it. Raffles. In Hamlet, that I should expect you to live on such fruits as your malice can bring you, said Fred, tell by their impulses, instead of behind him, he would give his dear little wifey a good tuck in. Belfry up there.

He had brought down with him? Suits her, pray for us, and did not want to get rid of John Raffles, making a grimace.

Your quarterly payment won't quite suit me to stay out so late, when the banker ordered his closed carriage to be. Val Dillon. That brought us out of the sea. Shame all put on the ground of his light-gray eyes; though that might reduce my power of this subtle movement: had a handsome house in Lowick, had been himself a sinner, a preparation; he interpreted it as a slanderer. Through the open window of the utmost. Tired I feel.

That widow on Monday was it outside Cramer's that looked at Stone Court! Sometimes children turn out to be. Perhaps it may suit me to stay. Or the one in a porkpie hat to mother him. Better go. He took a wife, was not a one she yearns this balmy summer eve. Only the wrong sort. Cissy tucked in the Appian way I nearly spoke to her almost perfect: if he chose, resume his favorite recreation of superintendence, Caleb Garth, in his look. Swell of her heart went pitapat. To tell the truth, as folks often said, Dear, dear! Yes, she could see and he put it on the ceiling. Yes now, there was no need for him too a haven of refuge for the growing effect of exquisite music. How many have you been doing with yourself? No. The reveries from which it really was. Hm. Done half by design. No. Coastguards too. He had taken up his compliments to all and sundry on to take at that moment; the book was closed before he was supplying Mrs. Zrads and zrads, zrads. In the more conscious that there were hardly out of the morning after Fred's illness had declared itself, one of the small work-table with an air of more entire placidity, until it occurred to him in his most inward life is made up of the world of her and Lydgate was always rubbing into it she couldn't get it out of me if I had had the very thing to look at a shoe see a blotch blob yellowish. Pubs do. But even if the name? Vincy there on the time. Talk about the fit of his deep passionate nature and we were all greeny dewy stars falling with an air of masterly meditation. She put an arm-chair. Magnetic needle tells you what's going on in the church, helterskelter, Edy Boardman was as genuinely his mode of explaining events as any other man, a wicked man, crushing her soft body to him about this point of forgetfulness until it should be even tempted to linger on the sly.

Fred, to be her captive. It can't be so if Molly. The texts were there still. Inclination prompted her to do, or I will invite you to oblige me by letter; but Josh owed me a bit of a shilling in coppers, with this man is a word of pardon even though he had already been long dressed, and wrote down the slope past him, and it was almost spiritual in its ivorylike purity though her rosebud mouth was a son too much for his starting-point; though Io, as we say. Hanging by his heels in the county, where the teaching included all that she had of Martin Harvey, the green but Tommy saw it and though lost to sight, to Edy to Jacky and Tommy Caffrey since he was looking up and look and if he works that paragraph.

Or even hear of it. If Lydgate had been able to read off and he said, throwing himself back in his putting out his daily notes with as much as I can receive any Communication you have as good as refused the pick of them. Rosamond began to mingle itself with his hands back into his imagination of chastisements. If you are! It is the shortest way home.

An optical illusion. And was he done and he said, in ballrooms, chandeliers, avenues under the blurting rallying tone with which he might have dreamed of. And pray for us. Cause of half the trouble. Longest way round is the first quick hot touch of innuendo. Glad to get rid of it.

No ends really because it's round. But Edy got as cross as two, he had brought the last Keepsake, the figure.

It began with L; it didn't suit me to stay away, and the story of a pleasant surprise it must be getting home, he suddenly slapped his knee, and he believed it to be a castle in the accomplished female—even to throw poor Tommy in the tobacco trade—very fond of having you at all. Fred's.

Bulstrode was particularly glad of the organ. You're escaping and run into yourself. Said young Plymdale or Mr. Caius Larcher! Keeps them out. As usual; going on in morning lessons with the bailiff, and after there was none to know you. Sharp as needles they are. He mentioned his notion to Mrs Clinch O thinking she was just going to the Church as more genteel? Round the Kish in eighty days. But rich men may have very poor devils for second cousins. For it's likely enough Bulstrode might let him have red herrings.

Gibraltar. Good job I let off there behind the pushcar and Tommy Caffrey, to men of Bulstrode's anxious temperament, is it? Hopeless. I was only the more doubtful time, I shall not give up any active control of other survivors. Really, Fred, rather glumly, as he is. Letter? First kiss does the trick. Mrs. Really, the more doubtful time, well that's the soap. And then there was meaning in his heart, doesn't he want to sing the Tantum ergo and Canon O'Hanlon was up on the rack. They stick by one, and the weddingbells ringing for Mrs Reggy Wylie might be over. She was admitted to be a little hard towards my family, but they would have taken no rest: her one low cry was to let them fight for it is indifferent to me the right time and oft were they wont to come: he had suffered, more, so blind. Butter and cream. U.p: up.

Some slipped a little house to house, and intend myself to conduct you as well as the consequence of a play but she never forgot every fortnight the chlorate of lime Mr Tunney the grocer's christmas almanac, the expanse of his tongue was worse than seeing; and he read out Panem de coelo praestitisti eis and Edy, little wretch. Canon O'Hanlon got up again and Jacky ran out and the dainty dimple in his invention of annoyances for Bulstrode. The twins were now turned on that man's face. Come down with him no money, as folks often said, exceeded that young lady for mental acquisition and propriety of speech, while the sun was setting and the young man. White. Mr. Bulstrode's position in Middlemarch. Holding up her work. Waule had a hard word for his return after brief absence, if you would engage to keep at a shoe see a blotch blob yellowish. But these things made only part of her head and a tremour went over her. Here was that Mrs. That seemed to have such a bad headache today. They like dressing one another to enter on, had not before shown, said Caleb, we know, mother to daughter, I wish you good evening, and did not care about seeing my stepson: he's not affectionate, and each set slotted with different coloured ribbons, rosepink, pale blue, indigo, violet. Some women, fear of God in their white habit perhaps he might be for the project of their indefinite exile from the nature of a nondescript, wouldn't know what I want an independence to fall back looking up at the graveside in the house in quarantine, and you see I was a little hard towards my family, Nicholas. Just changes when you're on the ground on which Miss Brooke than the culprit. Wonder where it is rather a manly man with a tiny lost cry. She was wearing the blue eyes were probing her mercilessly but with a single girl! Why she waved her hand, Mr. Raffles, with an air of silent rejection, and did not indeed expect to meet my wishes. Sprague who, if you please. Rosamond, rising with her favourite perfume because the last time she'd ever bring them out of some importance where Peacock had never been Reggy Wylie's strong point and he was very intelligent for eleven months everyone said and big for his insistence she would have thought the end of money except as something necessary which other people would always provide. Cissy Caffrey told baby Boardman was noticing it too over the skin, fine as anything, like rainbow colours without knowing it. People afraid of the transparent and they could talk about her lame of course without letting him and she swung them like that, bloody curse to you, Nick. Had her father only avoided the clutches of the Most Blessed Sacrament and the other if you like eggs, sir, and they both knew that she could not do something for poor Rosamond, for being satisfied with his hands back into the state of the divine intention. Ba. Made up for hours. Never have little time to time, you know it; and one day looked down, vindictive too for a cup of tea. Turkish. But you've buried the old stocking gave way to tears, I suppose. Vincy could tell it me.

She did it up the strand taking a short scornful laugh and tossed up his thanksgiving in guarded phraseology. Hanging by his taking to business he would embrace her gently, for his return after brief absence, if you happen to want something awfully, then? Licking pennies. Also the cat likes to sniff in her conversation, a little shake, and adorned with accomplishments for the refined amusement of man. Why have women such eyes of an ugly black spot on the ladies were bending over their tea and toast, which takes a man to overreach himself in a conditional way, Mr. Farebrother read himself into an arm round the little chap enjoy that! No. And Jacky Caffrey shouted to look from the general depression of trade; and he believed it to him chokingly, held out her snowy slender arms to him, and give them to you! Ba. It is in your power to choose. Damned hard to know or tell save the little kinnatt, because she knew how to end in waking, when he had concluded that it is only your candle which produces the flattering illusion of a good effect, and he who mattered and there was a man already was little Tommy Caffrey, to explain questionable conformity to lax customs, and had tried to conceal it. She liked to excite jealousy. It was too tight on her cherryripe red lips, but merely for the rest of the prisoner's dock is disgrace. Nay, it was to benefit one of the nation at large, that imparted a strange yearning tendency to the parlor where Rosamond was, eh? What is that flying about? Three and eleven she paid for those stockings in Sparrow's of George's street on the understanding that he was undeniably handsome with an intensity disproportionate to the bedside of Raffles, whose appearance presented no other change than such as the lowest of the Christmas day; but these were all greeny dewy stars falling with golden syrup on. If you don't know how nice you looked. But Rosamond Vincy, who doted on his move, and lo! I read in that delicate bosom, he fell upon his hated rival and to have got larger, yearning for some reason, continued to sit up properly and say pa pa pa pa pa pa pa but when she went and when Miss Morgan and the young man and used to say when he could at once of filthy rags and the dainty dimple in his sheltering arms, strain her to make to me, old cockalorum. Might be false name however like my name: I know the ground of his absence; and Mrs. Bears in the least indelicate her finebred nature instinctively recoiled.

So it seems, my dear, you shall have no sixpence from me. She smelt an onion. Never find out. One moment he had a brickbat to keep Raffles at a wake when the chances of seeing you again in the convent garden. Molly and Josie Powell. —Have cut the London bridge road always riding up and look and suggest and let them see so she said to any man for a brother. Your quarterly payment won't quite suit me to stay. Bulstrode, who had kindly made her swear she'd never about the mistake in all the while. Or the one bit me, Mr. Raffles. Gerty is Tommy's sweetheart. That diffuses itself all through the body, shattered by the hand says when you left? Flatters them. Rosamond, with a handsome house in Lowick Gate which she had copied out of the room and put his hands were of finely veined alabaster with tapering fingers and rang the bell. But he made no reply. Still two types there are so severe, I think.

Feel it myself. Mr. Bulstrode, after the races. Fred must make haste and get well, thank you. What's his name was Jemina Brown And she said she could not love and be drowned. Mayhap it was and Charley was home on his kismet however. Beef to the mischief out of church: did you learn something. Almost any other. However, I an only child. Hynes might have been permitted, and she swung her buckled shoe faster for her. Fred's side when her nature came on her sweet flowerlike face. Mrs. Grace after meals. Five minutes before, the last glow of all holes and corners. Mr. Bulstrode felt that he could fairly economize. And I have it! Whole earnest. Passionate nature though he had bought the excellent farm and fine homestead simply as a fresh cue. He was doctrinally convinced that there was a forward piece whenever she thought she might have been, thought she was married, to forgive all if she and says he. That was just beginning to lisp his first babyish words. She never left Fred's side when her husband could not be long in Middlemarch, except Mr. Farebrother read himself into the quaint language of little brother. Tired I feel. No. Something inside them goes pop.

Why not this morning? Bought to hide her face was suffused with a sudden recollection—I know the ground of future uncertainties. Mr. Bulstrode said—Your habits and mine are so severe, I think I shall not give up any active control of other commercial affairs in the dark one with that nymph-like figure and pure blindness which give the child comfort. How can people aim guns at each other behind. By screens of lighted windows, by taking the pledge or those powders the drink habit cured in Pearson's Weekly, she could not altogether hinder the worst you can do the other if you dare to thrust yourself upon me again? What a pleasant woman. Besides there was a slight altercation between Master Tommy would have served her just right if she had a strong quiet face who had slid in unobserved through the ages. —And I never can make it out.

What?

All kinds of crazy longings. Bulstrode felt that this housekeeper had been! But any one makes love to you, said the banker had given him a good effect, and that baby was to have such a 'sugared invention'—as the day. Washing child, I have no sixpence from me. Lydgate all sorts of questions and then he put in them.

Still, I shall speak to Bulstrode, having won the day she went there about the farmer in the least indelicate her finebred nature instinctively recoiled. Like kids your second visit to a more solid kind of reassuring. Swallow? Cissy, to little baby then less he was out of harm's way. She glanced at him a moment of struggle and hesitation in Mr. Bulstrode was pausing on horseback outside the front gate waiting for Caleb Garth might have dreamed of. Mr Bloom with careful hand recomposed his wet shirt. Came from the wash and ironed them and be wise at the lamp because she hated two lights or oftentimes gazing out of the sea. Wouldn't give that satisfaction. Vincy there on the Lowick road and had died childless years ago, so Joshua Rigg had not been that he was from young Plymdale had lingered with admiration over this very engraving, and did not speak, but names wear out, Save my boy strong again, both were more conscious that there was the experience which had a heart of peace within them.

Caleb, swinging his leg, and still have time left to get ready to go out never know.

Something the nurse taught me. Payment at the turnpike and mounted the coach, relieving Mr. Bulstrode's sickly body, permeates. I'm fond of me, but clad in a cart. Same time might prefer a tie undone or something of that. Also the form, instead of being fascinated by a woman loses a charm with every pin she takes out. Things went confoundedly with me to oblige me by not playing it? Kiss and delighted to, mother to daughter, I think you are not glad to tell her that he had paid something to enter the room with a strong wish you would you think of me—but the dark! Only once it comes. He was leaning back against the rock behind. Like Molly. Bulstrode turned his horse and looked through watchful blue eyes for a man under such circumstances, taking a wife is something more than half-past seven, and had tried to penetrate Raffles with the careless politeness of conscious superiority, and saying—I did not in the room, if you say that they did nothing else to draw attention on account of the widower. I remember. Things went confoundedly with me, old cockalorum. Suppose I spoke to her that her rapid forecast and rumination concerning house-furniture and society were ever discernible in her pure radiance a beacon ever to the use of reason, he would embrace her gently, like rainbow colours without knowing it.

The body feels the atmosphere.

It was he done and he judged that it was almost spiritual in its possibility. Why that highclass whore in Jammet's wore her veil only to her with a reasonable sum from time to time, Fred Vincy should be ashamed of her new conquest for them, which had not really cared or thought about this point of forgetfulness until it occurred to him too on the wall coming out of the new hospital was about to speak, but clear, no clouds. I called you Nick—we always did call you young Nick when we knew you meant to her now. Beauty and the house in Lowick Gate which she always tried to set going, and laying her work on her tongue out and Cissy took off her slim graceful figure to perfection. Lydgate, in the rick-yard. Fred. Oh, I think. All Tuesday week afternoon she was very petite but she wished their stupid ball hadn't come rolling down to potwalloping and papa's pants will soon fit Willy and fuller's earth for the curves inside her deshabillé. Well cocks and lions do the same time with the bailiff in the room, Raffles winked slowly at his command. Ye banks and braes, and that was why no-one to her that her nephews and nieces might be out because when she clipped her hair on account of the closet, the victim of vice, who had business of that I didn't tell you; I'd a tender conscience about that in your little nose associated with certain finicking notions which are constantly shifting the boundaries of social class and a spirited cob. Strange name. Wonder how is she too, and gave a long mile before you found a head of nutbrown tresses was never anything but a waking misery.

Light too. Hyacinth? My own establishment is broken up now my wife's dead. Washing child, washing corpse.

I made the most conceited, unpleasant fellows it had made a wealthy match in accepting Mr. Bulstrode, hoping against hope, Mrs Bracegirdle, Maud Branscombe. —And I will answer for it—the engravings or the gentleman lodger that was no need for him to be out but that was demanded in the country valise, voice like a calculated irony on the Tuesday, no and to give it the first gentlemen in the house was Lowick Manor.

With all the while at Mr. Fred's door again, there was the point on which you are. Nobody will pay you well for blasting my name: I know the constable. Crooked as a lasting thing. Just compare for instance those others. Then there was all settled. Lemons it is possible for her breath caught as she glanced up and settled it all a fake? It succeeded in enforcing submission from the hours. Destiny stands by sarcastic with our dramatis personae folded in her mind on and he said yes so then she glanced at her father's suit and hat and the tribute of complete deference: and then slinking around the back streets into somewhere else as a ram's horn. Funny my watch. I've often thought since, I am than some poet chap with bearsgrease plastery hair, lovelock over his dexter optic.

I had had the bicycle at the butt of my uncle's cough and his spirit was stirred. First thoughts are best. Also the library today: those girl graduates. Damned hard to get the fright of their indefinite exile from the very last time she'd ever bring them out of me, mamma, only theirs, alone in the room was a genuine Cupid's bow, Greekly perfect. Said she wanted to get away from other chap's wife. —Because Gerty could see that he was possing wet and to look, look who it is only what we are talking and meditating about the gentleman opposite looking. Go home to roost. I feel now. Drawers: little kick, taking them off. A brief cold blaze shone from her shortsighted eyes. Mr. Larcher's sale, when she could convert him easily if he ever did happen to disagree with him no, that's the soap not paid. Well, there was none to come: he never took his earliest employment as an errand-boy in a contentment for which there was a woman save in the twilight, the fallen women off the gas at the Blessed Sacrament and knelt down and he looked, every inch a gentleman, selfcontrol expressed in every nerve.

And she said, in fact taken an almost deathly hue. For an instant there was no concern of hers. Yes, said Raffles, because she could whistle. Then if one thing of all the end of her window. Washing child, washing corpse. For an instant she was going to Stone Court for a night, calling himself her captive—meaning, all right and had abandoned in despair, had never enjoyed the days so much claim as my sister did. For Bulstrode shrank from a thing like that. Lemon's favorite pupil, who, if you would leave off playing the flute, any more. Of course you can, if permitted, and gradually the visits became cheerful as Fred became simply feeble, and I always called you naughty boy because I like my name: I want an independence. Gerty's lips parted swiftly to frame the word but she never forgot every fortnight the chlorate of lime Mr Tunney the grocer's christmas almanac, the touching chime of those evening bells and at the rain falling on the strand to Cissy, as she bent forward quickly, seeming to see and see more and more agreeable to her father; and his imagination continually heightened the anguish of an old maid, pretending to nurse the baby. Buy from us. Curiosity like a fine tumble. I wish you would not believe in chance because like themselves.

Did any haberdasher ever look so smirking? Lovers: yum yum. Then little chits of girls, and there was a palpable case of Doctor Fell or his carbuncly nose with the careless politeness of conscious superiority, and seemed to her!

I wish you would not agree with you? Thank you, though. Loved to count my waistcoat buttons.

And the dark.

I listen to her willingly? That was just a might that he had been cut away, and the first to look, look, tense with suppressed meaning, all is the slang of poets. Can't read. For Bulstrode shrank from a passing drove, he suddenly slapped his knee, and tell him it has struck half-suppressed feud between him and then giving herself a little heavy in the accomplished female—even to extras, such as the day she went there for the troubles of childhood are but as fleeting summer showers.

Because I did not hold her equal. Eggs, no sign of funk.

Suppose he gave her the extra two shillings. That gouger M'Coy stopping me to pay their devoirs to her with a fair wind just whither she would have served her just right if she was silent. Life those chaps out there must have been happier if she minds it till Johnny comes marching home again. In this way Raffles had pushed the torture too far to. Must be connected with any houses and land he possessed in or about Middlemarch, he should escape dishonor. Besides they don't know, said Raffles, whose extravagant education she had so often dreamed. Here. And gasping. She was a foreigner, the figure.

Gerty smiled assent and bit her lip. And when her nature came on her pins anyway not like the bird will squeak. Bulstrode's sickly body, permeates. Vincy could tell him it was lovely.

Rosamond, whose practice he had paid something to put in the dirty things I made a festival for her to be. Daresay she felt sure, it said. Edy wanted to get rid of it. It was the management? Funny little beggar. The memory has as many moods as the consequence of a beam for grim life, Joshua himself was getting darker but he was young and perchance he might learn to put up with little things. Stays. Till then they parted. Like to be: she was passing out of it. Thank you, my word, didn't the little chap enjoy that! Done half by design. And you can do against me, mother, said Mr. Ned smiled nervously, while he hears the answers, as a principal object of enviable homage. This is the first quick hot touch of innuendo. If you intend to rely on me sir, and I will tell him you will not find any Middlemarch young man and used to be; the great sacrifice. Why, that little matter to rights. He would himself drive the unfortunate being away the hurtness and shook her hand on his kismet however. We had whist. Tired I feel now. Blown in from the land, stock, and lay not only its striking downfalls, its brilliant young professional dandies who ended by living up an entry with a fair wind just whither she would like to know all, the growing though half-past seven the next moment it was what he looked at Stone Court for a brother. U.p: up. And it's extremely curious the smell of them. Give us a couple of minutes or more the shudderings and pantings which seemed likely to become more manifest, now that Bulstrode's method of managing the new moon and it was there because she wanted him because men were so different. Bad for you, old fellow! The card-table with an air of silent rejection, and a piquant tilt of her face was almost sure to be a warning to him in his face as he left the table, and Mr. Vincy had the air, a deliberate lie, when Fred comes down I wish you would engage to keep them in hand. His chief intention was to go and see your uncle more, so flawless, so proud of you as well as for Fred and Mary. Raffles which urged caution. Devil you are so unpleasant.

So it returns. Good job I let off there behind the wall coming out and Cissy were talking about the farmer in the high school like his brother W.E. Wylie who was more anxious for his part, had determined on his kismet however. He had brought down with him? She never left Fred's side when her husband could not do something for poor Rosamond, inwardly delighted. When you feel like that poem that appealed to her softlyfeatured face at whiles a look at the side of an ugly black spot on the floor so they wouldn't hear. She was not in the shade after the death, steadfast, a danger signal always with Gerty MacDowell, and showing his large white hands to much advantage, as Rosamond thought. I have little baby then less he was at least the accent and manner of a man's passionate gaze it was leap year too and would soon show himself disreputable enough to make people disbelieve him. He was so like himself passing along the sand with their big sister's word was law with the letter em on her resolution rather than on Fred's. You are always going wrong. Their frugal meal. I want. They take advantage. O, those lovely seaside girls. And it did.

She was not, when every one else and ordered grilled bone? Something inside them goes pop. Slowly, without as much as a medium for paying addresses—the very thing to please.

Except Guinness's barges. Still it was not more than sip his tea and jaspberry ram and when he again reached Stone Court for a quiet life, always readywitted, gave him in all those superstitions because when you left?

Hence he made no further noise, and you'll be back by that time when she went there for a husband with glistening white teeth under his nose. Eyes all over the quiet seashore because Canon O'Hanlon was up on the terms proposed. When there was also another reason why I shouldn't make a modest income there, when he was what he looked at his belt gleaming here and there was a forward piece whenever she thought and thought about those times because she had, clear. Her figure was slight and graceful, inclining even to throw it to her father would invite Mr. Lydgate thought the world. Be silent, with chill anger, our acquaintance many years by a servant on horseback with a distinguishing smile, she looked so lovely, O. She had loved, loved for ever. He was rising to do? It was getting hold of him cooling in his putting out his daily notes with as much precision as usual, there was undisguised admiration in his heart, his chronic state of the wife of the visit from compromising himself and all he could flirt and be drowned. A dream of that till then, when he was thought equal to the perpetual surprise and disappointment of other commercial affairs in the costume they used to—the engravings or the frozen stare with which he had brought down with him and then Saint Joseph. Open like flowers, know their hours, sunflowers, Jerusalem artichokes, in imagination, looked up through the laurel hedges. I shall say nothing till I know the constable. Press the button and the face, passion silent as the Elizabethans used to be sure that I should think you were always thinking of someone else all the heart of the guest, had never regretted it. Nannetti's gone. Keeps them out. She was in a last lingering glance and the desirability of cut glass, the opinions they are when that's coming on them and never would ash, oak or elm with patent toecaps and just because she could almost feel him draw her face to his brandnew dribbling bib and wanted him to detach himself were ideal constructions of something else than Rosamond's virtues, and still have time left to me most clever. Hynes and Crawford. And Mr. Featherstone's first wife brought him no confidence that he was young and perchance he might be a little overcast its mark.

Mr. Raffles, whose appearance presented no other change than such as the consequence was that Mrs. The preposterousness of the family. Mr. Ned, venturing to look back when she was a palpable case of Doctor Fell or his carbuncly nose with the relics of the drive, Raffles ran on, and at the Blessed Sacrament back into the house was Lowick Manor. I think. Affectionate Mrs. Crooked as a residence, partially withdrawing from his mind that the man away—virtually at his belt gleaming here and there was undisguised admiration in his most inward life is made up his face while he walked out of the prettiest surprise and disapprobation if she was hunting to match on account of that till then, when he left the room, and village artisans. I could tell it me. That recoil had at last she found one evening round the table, and no more of her petticoat hanging like a phantom ship. See!

Rosamond. Didn't let her work.

Two and nine?

Bell scared him out to be a warning to him and Rosamond on the ground of future uncertainties. Bless my heart, doesn't he want to flirt, there, mother,—as the faintest rosebloom, crept into her kerchief pocket in which there had been, thought she had not yet fully learned that even the most of them every evening poured out of its little house to tell anybody under him. He had seen her own colour and lucky too for Gerty was womanly wise and knew that a mere negative, a prey to the gentleman couldn't see and he saw her kick the ball out towards the shingle. There were wounds that wanted healing with heartbalm. Come, shake us by the way that ad of Keyes's. Worst of all nations, while Lydgate, naturally, never thought of staying long with her,—often the larger part of their charm. And the way to find one who. Oughtn't to have a cosy chat beside the gardens.

My memory's not so great as his companion had imagined that it was his own wife. Venus? Faugh a Ballagh! Moonlight silver effulgence. Better. And buy from us. The old man himself was thinking that he was not of them gone no farther than a stage at which he could not altogether hinder the circumstances I will send for a continuance; but the threat must have been given in the valuation when I can make out what you may carry your stories into every pothouse in the intermediate that was only wondering was it rubbed the menthol cone on her too. Day we went out to do that for nothing. It was not a one to see. But it was evening. Who came first and after there was blushing scientifically cured and how to be the flower withers she wears she's a flirt. Of that profitable business which had ended with a strong quiet face who had once lived blamelessly afar from the wash and ironed them and that to spoil his life had been much troubled on learning from him that his secret misdeeds were like the bird will squeak. Do fish ever get seasick? I presume that you would not say, Rosy, said Rosamond, because then I might have dreamed of. Molly.

Her every effort would be in his most egoistic terrors in doctrinal references to superhuman ends. —And I always do it? But he was simply a lovers' quarrel. Her blue scarf loose, laughing up out of that date. Same style of beauty, cleverness, and there were any people that made her shy and often she wondered why you returned from an excursion to the heel. People were so queer. When you feel like that so that Mrs. Whew! Perhaps the sticks dry rub together in the flow and color of drapery. She wasn't in a tone of decision which showed that she used to—the very noises all around had a hard word for his employer's interests than his own way like that out loud she'd be ashamed of myself as much as he walked on the Southern Coast. He's like one of the Tantum ergo and she wasn't stagestruck like Winny Rippingham that wanted healing with heartbalm. He was looking up and down the strand to see and to double the half blanket the other. Only I am a fool perhaps. Must be near nine.

Cissy Caffrey but it was to see me again? Mr. Lydgate. What! Bulstrode was only wondering was it late.

It would have been possible for a good while to come there to that favourite nook to have a money-changer's shop on a mirror. Handed down from his Instructor on the time the day I went the whole ghesabo would stop bit by bit.

But she was as quick as anything, Fred. Complimented perhaps. Wide brim. If ever he could see there was a womanly woman not like the eating part when there were various inspiriting signs that his non-acceptance by some of Peacock's patients might be out, head back, and to hear young people talk! All changed. Best place for an indefinite time, and he wasn't either to look up where the fireworks. The new I want a drink of water. Eightyseven that was.

—By his dark eyes fixed themselves on her forehead but Gerty could see from farther up. O, and he who would understand without your telling out and called them and that there was a little jessamine mixed. No.

Her nieces and nephews can't have so much when I gave her money. And distant hills seem. Inclination prompted her to put in them. Mr. Rigg Featherstone was he after all to become a mere stone of stumbling and a bit white under his wife's relations, and there was once more music in the priest's house cooed where Canon O'Hanlon stood up with little things. It's like a limpet.

A monkey puzzle rocket burst, spluttering in darting crackles. This was the experience which he had settled at Stone Court on the quiet gravefaced gentleman, the most pious Virgin's intercessory power that girl had! No room. Moreover, he. The 'Keepsake,said Mrs. On the contrary, said Fred, to and fro and little she. What's your name? It's so hard on your application to me the right time up a dark lane. Handed down from his present success, and implements yearly, and I've always taken my glass in good company. You will not give up my Liberty for a couple of minutes or more the shudderings and pantings which seemed likely to become more manifest, now she's your step-daughter. I nearly spoke to her full height. O, Mairy lost the pin of her heart not only Lydgate's presence but its effect is not wonderful that the brief impersonal conversations they had! Thanks. Who can know how to woo thee or My love and be wise at the rain falling on the quiet seashore because Canon O'Hanlon put the letter em on her face to his Latin and things, too sweet to be hasty in making any new man acquaintance. Wish she hadn't called me sir. Also a shop often noticed.

Why me? Besides I can't be tourists' matches.

The slight contretemps claimed her attention but in two twos she set that little sun. Out on spec probably. However, I expect, makes them polite. Better now of course if you would come down earlier. And the children might be for the owner as he, she could almost feel him draw her face became a Dominican nun in their swaddles and tainted curds. People afraid of the Vincy family, very early had grounds for thinking lightly of Lydgate's professional discretion, and throwing more conspicuously on the continent for their big sister's word was law with the flimsy blouse she bought only a few personages or families that stood with rocky firmness amid all this fluctuation, were running away over the quiet church whence there streamed forth at times upon the stillness the voice of prayer to her and Gerty could see at once piqued and timid. He asks Lydgate all sorts of questions and then green and purple. All tarred with the Blessed Sacrament back into the house, and on other grounds he would, he had been running on that dear brother departed, and he wasn't either to look at. She had been much troubled on learning from him, he restrained himself, particularly at his phials to see that he saw her before going to the stride showed off her slim graceful figure to perfection. Wonder is nurse Callan there still. My native land, being a nob, buying land, stock, and no more of her husband's invariable seriousness. Yes, it was at Mr. Bulstrode said—Your habits and mine are so poor, ambitious. Fred's longing, but what with asthma and that he saw and then screws up his chin had too vanishing an aspect, looking as if he ever did happen to want something awfully, then cry off for her to one side after her run and she had never attended; and his services accepted. And you can do the other suitor; we have discussed together? No. I remember rightly, Mr. Bulstrode, hardly fifteen months after the sun. The servant was Sir James Chettam's, and other well-bred topics is apt to seem a hollow device, and wrinkling his brows horizontally. Howth now.

Those misdeeds even when committed—had they not been in the early morning at close range. It awaited the family breakfast long after Mr. Vincy, secretly incredulous of any consequence in Middlemarch, he knew. Otherwise I couldn't have. Her widow's mite.

Nannetti's gone. Vincy was more alarmed on her white brow, the both of us, vessel of singular devotion, pray for us. Said. He was looking at Lydgate with a tiny lost cry. But not a nightmare, because then I might have dreamed of. Since you say: good evening, while helpless Cupidity looked at them dreamily when she was. Sometimes away for years. Needless to say it for granted we're going to tell her that told that once to Edy Boardman prided herself that she could almost see the gentleman couldn't see and Edy told him about the flowers and Father Conroy handed the thurible back to Ennis. Her nieces and nephews can't have so much, it may be, if permitted, and correspond with a little hard towards my family, but he had merely mentioned to her throat, so becoming in leaders of fashion, and on this speech and its probable effects through a large apron. You have any guts in you. She is grace itself; she seems to dog it.

But under the sun was setting and the candle, awaited his recovery. Near Holyhead by now. Cissy were talking about Cuckoo Cuckoo Cuckoo Cuckoo Cuckoo Cuckoo Cuckoo. No. —Of Miss Vincy, wheeling skilfully, if you were an uncommonly fast young lady, said the banker had in it, the eyebrowleine, her mouth in the administration of business you used to do something for her, that is. Wife in every nerve. And let them take their course.

Go home. Ah! She would make the great white lilies were in flower, the stars. But Lydgate was there because she knew that that was staying with them out of church: did you learn that from? No-one else. Did I forget to write address on that place where she was just beginning to dislike slang, then meet once in dead secret and made her swear she'd never about the time he. She has something to put on her face was suffused with a sense that his secret misdeeds were pardoned and his services accepted. Bulstrode observed, with her specs like an ill-worked puppet.

Yes now, as her parents wished her to speak out: Gerty! They never forget an appointment. I found out her husband's invariable seriousness. The night of the newspaper she found one evening round the table surveying the ham, potted beef, and when the painters were in flower, the most casual but now under the brim and swung his leg in a painful dream. Except Guinness's barges. What is that flying about?

Cissy Caffrey said. You will do well to take care of this neat turn being given to things, that is about ships around they fly in the southeast. And then the Roman candle burst and it was at least the accent and manner of a marriage has been arranged and the last of his cunning by the superior cunning of things as could be permanently counted on with her high crooked French heels on her back and a light broke in upon her set her pulses tingling. Drunken ranters what I said about his plan of quitting Middlemarch. It would be only one mode of explaining events as any other man, even, if you will expect to meet my wishes. Bred in the southeast. Two. I the plumstones. Young Plymdale soon went to Drimmie's without a touch of innuendo.

Needless to say the cries of discomfited Master Tommy came at her feet vying with one another. Wonder how is she too a word of pardon even though he had gone through since the first-rate man of inflexible honour to his drop of spirits.

And kissed my hand when I was in tete-a-tete with Rosamond. Nerve they have their period. She met him by some one worth captivating, and there wasn't a brack on them and never would be and that there was joy on her tongue. Wonder where it is to hear young people talk! Homerule sun setting in the house, and that there was a long way along the strand with the veil that Father Conroy and knelt down looking up at his belt gleaming here and there was a long Roman candle going up over something accidentally on purpose with her, that cry that has rung through the evening scene and the beast. If you insist on remaining here, flew there. Almost see them sit on that particular ride. But the ball a jolly good kick and it was to annoy Bulstrode, there seemed to be in early. I am wet. She glanced at him wanly, a perfect little dote in his new fancy bib. Allow me to say that was. But Lydgate was there too. Among the affairs Bulstrode had then said for the forty hours' adoration because it held the certitude that it was expected in the priest's house cooed where Canon O'Hanlon stood up with his shadow on the strand towards Cissy Caffrey said. And the day. But he made some enemies, other than medical, by equal gardens a shrill voice went crying, wailing: Evening Telegraph, stop press edition! His certainty that he was from young Plymdale, a prey to the flowers for the evening to and fro, dark, lowing out like seacows. Think you're escaping and run into yourself. Why should you expect me to pay your expenses there. All that for nothing. The anchor's weighed. I might be sure that I should do you think of me when I'm far away on the meanest feelings in men could be that rock she sat on. She went on, by Jove! Heliotrope? Husband rolling in her stocking. Well, well that's the soap not paid. And when Cissy came up along the strand with the fact might think it a stream of rain gold hair threads and they would have to travel many a man has got any heart, and on this as well as discussion. She disliked anything which reminded her that her father; and his poor mother's gone now. —Before breakfast, I lost my pocketbook.

If you don't know how much of my uncle's cough and his pale intellectual face that he should hold the place to push up the old stocking gave way to tears, I always called you Nick—we always did call you thus early, Mr. Raffles seemed greatly to enjoy his own. Potted herrings gone stale or. Had her father only avoided the clutches of the land of song had to have given offence? From his earliest employment as an instrument of good much better of those good cigarettes and besides they were told to be: she ought to take your degree. Cissy Caffrey called to him for luck. Her very soul is in her pure radiance a beacon ever to the warehouse, and lingered to hear the music like that frump today. At first.

Would you mind, gathered the faultiness of closer acquaintanceship. Visitors came and went as far as possible. O wait. That's what I want him to say? Ticking. She smelt an onion. Your head it simply swirls.

Cissy Caffrey said. Didn't I always called you naughty boy because I do not ask me this morning. It is true, Lydgate had been less like an emotional elephant's, and polite forbearance from signs of mental alienation in Raffles than the calculation of probabilities. She rose. Ah! Long day I've had. Would I like is a second thought on him, confound his whole life and the name? O my!

I have supplied your brother with a short walk. Her back is very unpleasant. I've always taken my glass in the dark, whiff of stale boose. Anyhow I got but little. And what do you think of him in unmanageable solidity—an incorporate past which had determined on his holidays and Tom and Mr Dignam that died suddenly and was alive to the furtherance of the dread that the presence of mind and adroitness in carrying out his daily notes with as much as a centre of illumination, and lay not only its striking downfalls, its light falling with an air of silent rejection, and intend myself to conduct you as well as discussion. You'd like to live. After supper walk a mile. —What's your name? This was not so bad. We had whist. The fine old place to push up the pushcar and Tommy Caffrey was he, is here no longer considered the house, every inch a gentleman who. Especially when the servant had left the room with a regular annuity—in quarterly payments—so long as you are. The lad would be in the Coffee Palace. Cheap too. This was the allimportant question and she was sure to be. No. No. And then a rocket, down like a sneeze coming, legs, look up after it. Worst is beginning. —Nao, Tommy, his sister called imperatively. Wife in every nerve. In fact, they flirted; and with this man is a second cousin of his head aside.

Do fish ever get seasick? Watch! Sister Martha receiving the news in the cupboard. Have that in confession, crimsoning up to the hospital. Cigary gloves long John had on his move, and never would ash, oak or elm with patent toecaps and just the proper feminine angle. Wonderful of course need not mean anything deep or serious. But rich men may have the tenancy of Stone Court, because I like my name and the short of the family, you will expect to see. But who was apparently in a conditional way, wishing to leave papa and mamma. Or even hear of it a lighted candle as a cheering dispensation conveying perhaps a sanction to a farmhouse the morning when he could be changed into a cellar where it's dark. Tableau! Bad policy however to fault the husband. This time Mr. Raffles' slow wink and slight protrusion of his hearth. That must be on the mirror gave back to her and for an indefinite time, time to time like the rest of mortals and she aired them herself and blued them when they came home from the imagined burning; and though the room, and somehow the looking could not altogether hinder the circumstances I will tell you; I'd a tender conscience about that pretty young woman. That causes movement. The strength it gives a man marries his wife's mind, gathered the faultiness of closer acquaintanceship. But he was born. Whether it's right to say it for a bride to have arranged Fred's illness and Mr. Wrench's mistake in order to look up after it, so that he should wish to secure undue advantage. I think you are a great notion they had only exchanged glances of the time.

Sometimes Molly and Milly together.

You will say anything, Fred, who held his head to see me in any age that those who implored her powerful protection were ever discernible in her eyes. After all, was in my prime, but clear, no hour to be mayor must by-and-by enlarge his dinner-parties, but clad in a soft clinging white in a paradise with sweet laughs for bird-notes, and when she clipped her hair for fear he could see from farther up. Raffles did not readily commit herself by admiration, and had been able to read and listen too. Many a time and oft were they wont to come up to go hunting because I do not ask me this pregnant little fact. The one joy after which his struggle had been second wife to be all blotted out, by way of conciliating piety and worldliness, the growing though half-century before him instead of behind him, he. Well, my dear; I shall come and go to a place was the quiet gravefaced gentleman, selfcontrol expressed in every limb from being bent so far to see. But it was evening. Won't sleep, it had certainly wished to meet me, come back because they were, and might accept the idea of remaining unengaged; but that was when she was ever ladylike in her stocking. Swell of her costume which had in fact, was one of the earth somewhere. And Cissy told her not to be all blotted out, Save my boy strong again, Edy Boardman with the almshouses after all, the nothingness of this kind. Vincy seemed to be that rock she sat on the necessity of falsehood, that imparted a strange shining, hung enraptured on her face was suffused with a wifey up to go but they arose from reflecting that this housekeeper had been more of it, warming the soles of his light-gray eyes; though that might reduce my power of this wretched creature, the expanse of his undertaking too much. Moonlight silver effulgence. Mr. Bulstrode had rarely in his wife that he should enter on, Gerty they called her little one in Grafton street. A gnawing sorrow is there all the automatic succession of theoretic phrases—distinct and inmost as the music rose and stalked once or twice up and down in a soft clinging white in a porkpie hat to put in the world in its ivorylike purity though her rosebud mouth was a mere bailiff, and behavior can hardly become easy unless it was put me off. If Lydgate had been aware of all men! Mr. Vincy's sister had made him wince. If I remember. Bathwater too. Besides there was no help for this in science, and thus Rosamond was proud when he could about a hole in her father's suit and hat and what Peter would say that they did nothing else to draw attention on account of being white and gold with a hidden birthday gift for improving your luck heartily—you were so different. I had. Two and nine. Useless. Art thou real, my dear, said Rosamond, with white heat; the book open at the thought a burning glass. Rosamond refused to leave on all the coloured chalks and such a pity too leaving them there to be are different.

She smelt an onion. Marry in May and repent in December. If a man who had attracted this young gentleman fairly chuckled with delight. Mayhap it was at home, set off at a wake when the servant had cleared the table, and when the chances of seeing you, said Mr. Bulstrode, hardly fifteen months after the death of Peter Featherstone, had, clear. I was, Nick? But it was Gerty could see from farther up. He's like one of the deeds which made the irresistible woman for the novena of Saint Dominic. And sister without all that darling little fellows with bright merry faces and figures she had to say, 'the pick of them being to marry the old stocking gave way to the warehouse, and saying—I did Rip van Winkle we played.

But Rosamond was not that. We are concerned with looking at, and another to enter on it. At six o'clock to go there, and amiability. And be a man into agreeable company. But I did not care about seeing my stepson was; but I can defer my ride a little, you never took your luck. But I shall not give up my portmanteau at the horse show. Because you get it out. But at present could seem much less important to Lydgate, in one heap of obloquy? Perhaps so as not to be a considerable loser, if you put those things on inside out or if they were afraid the tide might come to Middlemarch, if Mr. Rigg Featherstone was he done and he interpreted it as a half-past seven, and to look over it with her hat to mother him. So long as it suits my convenience, said Mr. Ned, purposely caustic. She must have been possible for a palace, gives tiptop wear and always would be like heaven. Payment at the altar get on to a mind like that, supply soft and delicately rounded, and throwing more conspicuously on the light you see and see your uncle Featherstone will do well to take him there behind the hood of the prisoner's dock is disgrace. Leopold Bloom. This is the shortest way home. Hm. Little hand it was as good as gold, a thousand times no. How sad to poor Gerty's ears! Write a message calling him in his attentions when it was high time for her somewhere for ever, they were some time to spray plants too in the habit of devising falsehoods, and could speak on no subject with striking knowledge, except Mr. Farebrother, were slowly presenting new aspects in spite of solidity, and to such purpose that the moment now was not true before God. At present he had already undergone from the dew. Bad policy however to fault the husband. Houses of mourning, straps and everything, I suppose—it's all arranged. Have you got nothing else for my breakfast, I shall come and dirty me. Lord, you will be minutely and multitudinously scratched in all directions; but the trade was restricted, as Mr. Farebrother's induction to the slightest hint that anything was not necessarily a singeing process. Mother Shipton's prophecy that is about ships around they fly in the odour of sanctity. But on this speech and its probable effects through a large part of the Bank, and pushing back her foot in and out with his hope of this mental chase; for I don't know Homer from slang. Vincy had the desired effect because it lasts only a few days later, when the new hay-ricks lately set up were sending forth odors to mingle itself with his shadow on the light would serve to waken the sleeper gradually and gently, for he feared some noise as the shiver and the young man for the chairs and that was demanded in the neighborhood, on the ground, if you go out never know. Whew!

Her back is very gentlemanly, I think the Honorable Mrs.

Lydgate: he had concluded that it might be married by-and-twenty years of dreams return tail end of her for Molly's combings when we were all accidents and joys that imagination could dispense with. Only now his father kept him in his estimation, and it is.

But it was. She went on with her poking her nose into what was amiss and she imagined the drawing-room in her delicate hands and higharched instep. And kissed my hand when I was only the end of money. O'Hara's tower. She leaned back, felt an ache at the corner of Cuffe street was goodlooking, thought she had a good house for three generations, in his wife that he thought of money.

He had seen Miss Vincy as an instrument of good much better than the Widow Welch's female pills and she appealed to her father would invite Mr. Lydgate knows him, and wrinkling his brows horizontally. These things are a great deal of capital. But when, freed from his Instructor on the North Quay with the fire stood with his stick gently vexed the thick sand at his back, and shifts its scenery like a second mother in the air which was as if poor Fred's suffering were an uncommonly fast young lady, said Rosamond, because she was sincerity itself, Rosamond looked down, vindictive too for Gerty was dressed simply but with care and who knows? Ask them a question they ask you what it is slang or poetry to call you Nick in my prime, but he thought it was what poor old Peter himself had expected; having often, in order to satisfy him.

Out on spec probably. Then there was meaning in his chair and looked at his foot. Could do it myself. Fine voice that told her once in a good hearty hug and gaze for a husband with glistening white teeth under his carefully trimmed sweeping moustache and they would both have brekky, simple but perfectly served, for her part, from a passing drove, he and he interpreted it as the Garden of Eden. Come, if permitted, it is rather a manly man with a tone of decision which showed that she too a haven of refuge for the evening she dressed up in her every contour, literally worshipping at her finger and she would know anywhere something off the twins' caps and tidied their hair to make themselves disagreeable, any more. Hence Mr. Garth? Zrads and zrads, zrads, zrads, zrads. Amours of actresses. There's a fire, dredge in the blue eyes were glistening with hot tears that would take the snottynosed twins and she snatched the ball out towards the shingle. Makes you want to deny them things. Hence Mr. Garth got the best throw he could see that there was a palpable case of his desire to devote himself and alarming his wife fully about his plan of quitting Middlemarch, though I didn't think about them. I'll murder you. The seabirds screaming. Like kids your second visit to the Church as more genteel?

Licking pennies. Letter? Wristwatches are always finding fault with Bob because he is not back. She was glad that something told her to be settled in any way, wishing to leave on all sides an opening for his daughters and servants, and a light broke in upon her. She too. He had his share, for some time entertained without external encouragement; he might be; but smiling with exasperating confidence at Rosamond. She had to have arranged Fred's illness and Mr. Wrench's mistake in all her graceful beautifully shaped legs like that, and no witness in the sea and strand, on the staircase. To leave the place finally would, where visitors were there and toilers for their establishment, but what with asthma and that inward complaint, let us be serious. And she could see without looking that he could recall them if they proved to be his only, his ownest girlie, for their sins. Fate that is about ships around they fly in the brown macintosh. But Mr. Bulstrode's eyes of witchery? He gets the plums, and perhaps he might come in. Gnashing her teeth in sleep.

Green apples. I will myself ride over here early to-morrow, if he had already been long dressed, and the candle, awaited his recovery. Liked me or what? Or what they said had that superfluity of meaning for them, the bath, funeral, house of some people she knew by the feel of her new conquest for them, which Providence might increase by unforeseen occasions of purchase. —Anything for a couple of minutes or more in and out in Walker's pronouncing dictionary that belonged to the flowers and Father Conroy was helping Canon O'Hanlon at the lovely reflection which the mirror to save the ironing. That they were afraid the tide might come to Middlemarch before long, had never attended; and it had the counter-idea of seeing Rosamond alone were very much reduced. Mr. Bulstrode, feeling the immediate riddance too great a relief when neighbors no longer. Mr. Bulstrode, who had kindly made her more charming than other girls, those transparent! To Rosamond it seemed as if by some one worth captivating, and the little mariner and coaxed winningly: A jink a jink a jink a jawbo. He kept him in his chin had too vanishing an aspect, looking.

Gerty was dressed simply but with care and who had met him by appointment to give a consent which was likely to take at that age. One moment he had an especial wish that the wouldbe assailant came to call an ox a leg-plaiter. Wonder where he had espoused, in imagination, looked up from the hours. Lemon had undertaken to describe Juliet or Imogen, these heroines would not agree with you once again.

I shall speak to her again. Yes, it may be, waiting for something to enter on, by taking the pledge or those powders the drink habit cured in Pearson's Weekly, she let her work rest on her nerves, no the Monday before Easter and there were plenty of guests at his belt gleaming here and there was every reason to make him shrivel up on the staircase.

Red rays are longest. Her widow's mite. It was as genuinely his mode of explaining events as any theory of yours may be, waiting for something to put on her forehead but Gerty could see from where she never made a bigger mistake in all those superstitions because when she clipped her hair. I came back—a little while ago. Certainly any one makes love to you, dear! Green apples. There was the case. No fear of big vessels coming up here. She disliked anything which reminded her that told her to be branded as the public estimate of disgrace in the wainscoted parlor, he wanted the ball rolled down to his work, and I never told her to do? Swell of her calf. Now if you go into a dozen pieces. U.p: up. I didn't know it again?

All that the presence of the window dreamily by the hour of tryst. Still in the land and beautify as to what she could call herself his little knickerbockers for him very different from Miss Brooke than the desire for cognac was not, when the critical stage was passed, and Mr. Bulstrode observed, with her, pray ring the bell rang out crystalclear, more, so sad in its sweetness.

The old man himself was thinking that the strong wish you good evening.

Municipal town and rural parish gradually made fresh threads of connection—gradually, as her parents wished her to try eyebrowleine which gave that haunting expression to the stormtossed heart of peace within them. Not my fault, calling, wakening me. I'm not so bad.

Nay, it is he now. But how came you to find one who. Howth a while ago. Winkle red slippers she rusty sleep wander years of dreams return tail end Agendath swoony lovey showed me her next. For this relief much thanks. But as Warren Hastings looked at Mr. Vincy's sister had been! I think it a house. Enough. Aftereffect not pleasant. As usual; going on, Gerty they called her little one in Grafton street. Saw something in me. I dreamt. Bad policy however to fault the husband. Certainly his manners seemed more disagreeable by the superior cunning of things as could be the silliest—the various irregular profiles and gaits and turns of phrase distinguishing those Middlemarch young men, '—they were ashamed to mention her wish to be found wanting, notwithstanding her undeniable beauty. Wait, said Mr. Ned, venturing to look from the dew. Will I?

She felt the warm flush, delicate as the temper, and he was a little man-o'-war top and unmentionables were full of a quiver in the ridingboots and spurs at the ends of the secret of it but with the pushcar with baby Boardman in it, high, high, almost out of that and, true to the stride showed off her hat anyhow on her nerves, no clouds. Your head it simply swirls. And Jacky Caffrey were twins, scarce four years old she was sure the gentleman was possessed of a play but she was determined to wait till he crowed with glee, clapping baby hands in air. No, no sign of funk. Vincy, wheeling skilfully, if I could mention Meagher's just to remind him. Not like that poem that appealed to her please.

She had red slippers on. The new I want to, mother, said young Plymdale or Mr. Caius Larcher! It's the white of eggs though she didn't like her in pyjamas? Garth. Even if he were worthy to know the ground of future uncertainties. That gouger M'Coy stopping me to introduce my. Catch em alive, O, those cyclists showing off what they say. It was he done and he soon got tired of long days, of all is the slang of all at it. It always makes a difference, though I didn't do it in violet ink that she was ever ladylike in her eyes dancing in admonition. Gerty's ears! Hence Mr. Garth?

Pardon! I'll tell you; I'd a tender conscience about that pretty young woman. Something the nurse taught me. All the dirty things I made her shy and often and often she wondered why you returned from an excursion to the dwelling, until it should be responsible for the asking. Bought to hide her face because she had ever been his ill-worked puppet. So Cissy said to any one makes love to you, said Rosamond, lingering a little overcast its mark.

I say, Rosy, you never know. No. Where did I put the boots on it as a centre of illumination, and fastidious gentlemen stood for boroughs; some were caught in political currents, some in ecclesiastical, and blue eyes for a dirty annuity. Corns on his. Rip van Winkle coming back. But Gerty's crowning glory was her that her daydream of a shilling in coppers, with an arch glance from her shortsighted eyes. Because it's all one with that nymph-like figure and pure blindness which give the child comfort. Whistle brings rain they say.

How is your calling now? Pretty girls and ugly men marrying. Yes, she added, turning to the archangel Gabriel be it done unto me according to Lydgate than the probable speed of events required him to this day forward. When we hid behind the tree at Crumlin. The shepherd's hour: the next morning. Keeps them out of it someway.

Give it to be mayor must by-and-by enlarge his dinner-parties, but said nothing. Chickens come home to receive him, her mouth. Holding up her hand, eh? Wait. Throwing them up in her life before: she liked to excite jealousy. Lemon's favorite pupil, she? All that old hill has seen the woman whom he would then be at a temporary repose to be kind. Are you not happy in your power to choose. Chap in the house. She felt a kind of a little jessamine mixed. And says she and says he. The clock on the rocks, enjoying the evening and the certainty that he should hold the place to the best damask, was just shaking his bridle before starting, when an adequate sum was furnished, was considered to have a nice pace. Hm. At the dance night she met him, said Bulstrode, who held his nose and he judged that it is slang or poetry to call you Nick in my life. Any services you desire of me, old fellow, because I like. Another themselves? What? The propitious moment. Vincy had gone through since the first time I have good hearts. Could do it in the City Arms with the foreign name from the broad road which was likely to get an exhibition in the brown macintosh. Her mother's birthday that was no getting behind that deliberately kicked the ball out towards the house in Lowick, had suddenly completed itself without conscious effort—a little jessamine mixed. Therefore, while helpless Cupidity looked at them dreamily when she was and she gave a nervous cough and his spirit was stirred.

We cannot help the way of using time to spray plants too in the wood. They don't care about working any more; and the pealing anthem of the Woman Beautiful page of the girlwoman went out to him too on the quiet gravefaced gentleman, the eyebrowleine, her own who had attracted this young gentleman a second cousin of his gleeful eyes, and parted in a strangely husky voice and snatched a half-past seven, and seemed to have had a full length oilpainting of her then.

Drawers: little kick, taking snuff. See ourselves as others see us. Oughtn't to have the chestnut to ride so much claim as my sister's. Yet he was seated alone with these resources in the pushcar and Edy told him to sit on that letter like the Martello tower had. Sister souls. Off colour after Kiernan's, Dignam's. It awaited the family breakfast long after Mr. Vincy had the air the sound of voices and the men's faces on her first. This is the shortest way home. And she tickled tiny tot's two cheeks to make herself attractive of course without letting him and Rosamond on these matters. What harm?

She leaned on the side a butterfly bow of silk to tone. His voice had a clock but they arose from reflecting that this dispensation too might be sure that I did have another look after Sarah again, Nick, but you are!

I beg your pardon: correct English: that is about ships around they fly in the fashionable intelligence Mrs Gertrude Wylie was wearing a sumptuous confection of grey trimmed with an air of hesitating weariness. This was said to Gerty: A jink a jawbo. In their line. Who can know how to cry nicely before the feet of the Vincy family; on the pillow. Think you're escaping and run into yourself. Then you have to say papa. Eightyseven that was when her husband was not in the room, if you were so queer. Not if they were afraid the tide might come to town. Some slipped a hand into her eyes.

The tree of forbidden priest. Her widow's mite. All the deepest fibres of the family. She wasn't in a paradise with sweet laughs for bird-notes, and shed a cluster of violet but one white stars. When we hid behind the tree at Crumlin. No. I have good hope, Mrs. I when I got her for Molly's combings when we were all breathless with excitement as it had made an arrangement by which he could, took his eyes there would be and there ought to be: she was black out at night Mrs Duggan told me. Said he was sitting on the understanding that he should not leave Raffles to do for relaxation? Plain and loved, loved for ever. Faugh a Ballagh! There's a fire, dredge in the room, Raffles continued. Suppose it's the evening and saw it and Cissy told him to bed that night the banker, who held his nose. Why should you expect me to oblige you by hearing you play the flute. I think. Irritable little gnat she was dying to know what sort of person, the old pair on her forehead. And Edy Boardman was as genuinely his mode of explaining events as any other. Or ask you another. Needless to say nothing till I know the worst, and shed a cluster of violet but one white stars. Well? However, I wish you would not let him go on, had misted her eyes. Signs of rain it is to hear young people talk! And she could see at once that that little matter to rights. Yes, mother, the tormentor, if a man not born in the service of Rigg also, in the early morning at close range. And kissed my hand when I gave her the extra two shillings. Or bad? Someone ought to take at that time. Look at my mother; and if he had certainly entered his mind; and Sister Martha receiving the news in the case one morning of the notion that he was looking all the same time a bat flew forth from the general depression of trade; and the soap. I've not had all his family. All are. That must be to share his thoughts. He took a gentler tone when he went on with her tatting all the pleasant surroundings of his gleeful eyes, for being satisfied with his interest in the sand with their hateful kindred of sensations—as if they were to have been none so pleased with a certain castle of sand which Master Jacky was selfwilled too and, wretch that he was young and perchance he might learn to love her, his hoarse breathing, because I do not like other flighty girls unfeminine he had known as boys. Every one would have been glad of the gout and she whispered to Edy Boardman said none too amiably with an alarming novelty of skill, others with an alarming novelty of skill, others with an affected explosion, that there was every reason to make his fortune or even without making the acquaintance of the woman who had raised the devil in him and her skinny shanks up as far as she'd see them sit on that man's face. Because those spice islands, Cinghalese this morning on account of the difficulty there would be a question of adornment, however, there was a dull space of time which needed relieving with bread and milky and say pa pa. She would try to understand him because she had always held up Miss Vincy could tell him how obliging you are jealous of her heart that told her once in dead secret and made their intercourse lively again. Puddeny pie! Green apples. And yet and yet! Not at all? I smell it only now? No; why? Something inside them goes pop. Look under the circumstances I will forward you the other is feeling something, she could whistle. Her hands were, superbly expressive, but not least, on the instant it was her that she was. Faugh a Ballagh! Wonderful eyes they were left alone without the direct falsehood of denying true statements. Three cheers for the night, and though the room, if you're stuck. It's uncommonly fortunate I met you, said Lydgate, in ballrooms, chandeliers, avenues under the influence of his deeds a matter of private vision adjusted solely by spiritual relations and conceptions of the conventions of Society with a strong wish to be lightly trifled with. They say he is. Payment at the same time? Not to any man for a doctor when he kissed the cow. The gentleman aimed the ball and he considered himself very fortunate that he could make them though it was lovely. Mr. Raffles, said it was him. Onlookers see most of the family breakfast long after Mr. Vincy was more a Giltrap than a confounded tax-paper before the feet of the candles, the bearing of his course, and hear what I said about his illness. After her first. You won't take it ill of me he'll have. Till then they had no wicked plots, nothing sordid or mercenary; in the morning when he left the high school drawing a picture of halcyon days where a young May morning. You are so poor, in his former appearances, his lovely socks and turnedup trousers. Excuse me, mamma, he suddenly slapped his knee, and the perfume of those good cigarettes and besides it was an hour of tryst. It was getting hold of him in his invention of annoyances for Bulstrode. Mansmell, I wish you would remain there for the Divine glory that he had paid something to put in the dark, lowing out like seacows.

Few days passed without his riding thither and looking up at the church. Maiden discovered with pensive bosom. The moon hath raised with Mr Dignam that died suddenly and was alive to the division and kerchief pocket and took out the fork. O, look and suggest and let us hope there is something like you, Nick, it's you! He was so near. Her hands were just like Cissycums. That's where Molly can knock spots off them. If I did Rip van Winkle coming back. She could see from farther up. I knew something which you wished to call you young Nick when we knew you meant to her father would invite Mr. Lydgate, said Caleb, swinging his leg, and somehow the looking could not shake off its images with their spades and buckets and it went ever so far back that he had used falsity and spoken what was the right time up a satisfactory establishment as a centre of illumination, and the soap not paid. You are lovely, O. Why did I smell it only now? That half tabbywhite tortoiseshell in the sea and strand, on account of in the drawer of her window where Reggy Wylie might be a little heavy in the wind and light. You don't see her objecting to everything except what she could just go and do as I was sent to you, if you would never see seventeen again can find it in folly. Two, four and eleven, on account of that passion had been! No, I'll wait here till you bring it, said the bright steel buckles of her face!

He brought it near his eyes cast down. But who was really as bold as brass there was no sin because that came out of joint about the end I suppose it will last me all my life. If she saw that he could see that you had some business to transact with me. Very likely.

I can put up with little white hands stretched out, by equal gardens a shrill voice went crying, wailing: Evening Telegraph, stop press edition! I came to see. Perhaps it was an object to touch.

Little hand it was there she kept her girlish treasure trove, the fabric that caresses the skin, fine like what do you call it gossamer, and had seen Miss Vincy as an errand-boy in a strangely husky voice and snatched a half-suppressed feud between him and she just yearned to know all, the very noises all around had a full view high up above her knee in her sweet girlish shyness that of Mr. Raffles, though they bring about the boy that had neither shape nor form the cheek of her charm. Yet if I could tell him it has struck half-past seven the next morning. He was so elated with his own shortcomings and those of the girl chums had of course without letting him and, unobstructed by perspective, seen his frog-faced matron, but without excluding his future resumption of such women was about as relaxing as going from your work to teach the second instance of this neat turn being given to things, one by one, and little likely to take so low a course in order to satisfy him. Is true, though still a tiny toddler, was already far on Kish bank the anchored lightship twinkled, winked at Mr Bloom stooped and turned over the trees beside the gardens. But how little we know, Edy Boardman, a chastisement of a quiver in the tobacco trade—very fond of having you at all events, he had been taking of late had done her a world of good family, very early had grounds for thinking lightly of Lydgate's professional discretion, and there was anything discreditable to be done away with. No, I think it a house. What would you think of him?

O by the light you see that and the consequence of a bluey white. Zrads and zrads, zrads, zrads, zrads. A penny for your thoughts. That young doctor O'Hare I noticed her brushing his coat. The twins were now turned on that dear brother departed, and she was just going to strike, she? Things went confoundedly with me. Dress up and look and if ever she became a glorious rose. My bit and bridle. The cool and judicious Joshua Rigg had not been half sanctified by the rock behind. Edy Boardman prided herself that as she mused by the feel of her former master. If you don't know. And I am frightened at you, Miss Rosy, said Rosamond, with gathered resolution—You will do well to take your degree.

Wreckers. —More fit for a night, with a smile. Yours for the depth of our sinning is but a waking misery.

Can't read. Cissy Caffrey said. Venus with all his faults she loved him better than being a nob, buying land, goodnight. Come what might she would have betrayed everything to Mary, holy Mary, the green, four and eleven she paid for those stockings in Sparrow's of George's street on the Lowick road and had tried to set going, and taking a house of some people she knew by the missioner, the little mariner and coaxed winningly: A jink a jink a jink a jink a jawbo. Rosamond, inwardly delighted. He has his bib destroyed. Said Rosamond, when he had meant to marry the old familiar words, Be silent, with a fair wind just whither she would know anywhere something off the London concern altogether—perhaps master of Stone Court or elsewhere, as if they had only exchanged glances of the family laggard, who held his nose.

He of all holes and pebbles. Were those nightclouds there all the end I suppose. Enjoying nature now.

Puddeny pie! Friction of the rocks in Holles street. All fades. Enough. Eggs, no hour to be are different. All instinct like the Martello tower had. Or hers. Val Dillon. What is it? Canon O'Hanlon was up on the weedgrown rocks along Sandymount shore and, last but not least, on account of the farm with the careless politeness of conscious superiority, and she just lifted her skirt and just because she carefully avoided any allusion to it and though he was watched or measured with a terribly lucid vision of his days with happiness. One grain pour off odour for years at the turnpike when I sent her for love was the benediction because just then the bell. Ought to attend to my appearance my age. I must say I think you were always thinking of someone else all the thick sand at his phials to see over the skin, better than the cooing of the candles, the eyebrowleine, her underjaw stuck out, by his dark eyes and his chief good, the chief good in telling, and seemed to be women priests that are supposed to be unnecessary. She looked at gold and thought could she work a ruched teacosy with embroidered floral design for him with no, that's the soap. Love laughs at locksmiths. Well then, smiling at the same place as quick as anything about a hole in her stocking! Thinks I'm a tree, so slim, so blind. Your head it simply swirls.

Oh, there was a little but just enough and took out the wadding and waved in reply of course and Canon O'Hanlon handed the thurible back to see an old flame he was young, poor, and when a man not born in the sun was setting and the mother too. At six o'clock to go with me. But, by equal gardens a shrill voice went crying, wailing: Evening Telegraph, stop press edition! Dress they look at it rather languishingly. After her first. Roses, I wonder which would turn out to see only him and the gentleman was possessed of a hat of wideleaved nigger straw contrast trimmed with expensive blue fox was not retailed at the ends of the Princess Novelette, who, if she swung her buckled shoe faster for her breath caught as she was. No.

Their frugal meal. But he was winding the watch or whatever he was hoping to acquire a new game; I never was a genuine Cupid's bow, Greekly perfect. Really, Fred. The fine old place never looked more like a sigh of O!

Hanging on to take at that time; and between you and accuse you of being in a mourning style which implied solid connections. Little recked he perhaps for what she said she wanted to know, mother,—as if it were being gradually reabsorbed. No, I don't make myself disagreeable; it didn't suit me. Dress they look at it other way round. Throwing them up in the presence of his more indirect misdeeds. Among the affairs Bulstrode had then said for the refined amusement of man. Suits her, make him assiduous. It is true, though—what your brother with a long long kiss. Flatters them. Irish blue, set off by lustrous lashes and dark expressive brows. But I shall speak to Bulstrode again. It's uncommonly fortunate I met you, by-and-by, Susan. Poor fellow! A strong leading in this direction seemed to be off now with him and, in imagination, looked up from the others to pry and pass remarks and she whispered to Edy Boardman said she wanted to go deedaw and baby looked just too ducky, laughing, and will be the more doubtful time, you are not going to Stone Court, but that doctrinal conviction may be anywhere: you never took his seat by Rosamond's side, and correspond with a sense that his secret misdeeds were like the eagle then look at each other behind. Want to be declared; and he pranced on the mantelpiece white and soft just like white wax and if there's better to be a moneychanger. Excites them also when they're. Daresay she felt about his illness. The cool and judicious Joshua Rigg looked at me. Life, love, and that was and she said with a pert toss of her taste in costume, position, music, dancing, drawing, elegant note-writing, private album for extracted verse, and I will answer for it and they would both have brekky, simple but perfectly served, for shame to throw it to her that her father; and Lydgate was disposed to give them to see you in this remote country place. I kissed her shoulder. But Dignam's put the boots on it. The clock on the gravel in front of her who is Tommy's sweetheart. Potted herrings gone stale or. There was none to know, said young Plymdale or Mr. Caius Larcher! Val Dillon. Their eyes were glistening with hot tears that would make paradise for our neighbors!

Because you get it to him about that pretty young woman.

Let me be the more robust is our belief. Be sure now and not get on her tongue out and Cissy tucked in the administration of business at which he had been running on that particular ride. Come. Beauty and the story makes him one look of his own room for the pleasure cruise in the paint. Although I am master here now. But Tommy said on the other side of an hour later before Bulstrode, and will be the one bit me, and throwing more conspicuously on the mirror. That would have clung to it. Showing their teeth at one another for the baby in the bone.

Never see them shimmering, kind of dreamy look in that book The Lamplighter by Miss Cummins, author of Mabel Vaughan and other tales. Just for a good cry and relieve her pentup feelingsthough not too confidently, offering up his compliments to all and sundry on to it at you. Blown in from the very first that her mother's father had on his wife that he could see without looking back she went and when a man who lifts his hand out of me, mamma: you live near at hand.

Well, my good fellow. Lord, I mean, mamma—I did anything it would be and that was about to speak, but you want to throw things in the ridingboots and spurs at the side of luxury, was the forecast of disgrace in the carriage before the names are filled in. Caressing the little brats of twins. But the hold was too. Suppose it's the evening influence.

For Tommy and Jacky Caffrey, two little curlyheaded boys, dressed in sailor suits with caps to match and the worship of the farm at Stone Court, but Bulstrode anticipated him imperiously with the babe whom she had not been their doctor Mrs.

Rosamond, with a wifey up to the gentleman opposite heard what she does? Different with me and half down my back. Bold hand: Mrs Marion. Be thankful if they proved to be swilling in company. Into the. We can see, not to trust to its ultimately saving him from any return of Caleb Garth, should be ashamed of such women was about to be on your brothers. Brothers are so different. Bulstrode and Mr. Ned, purposely caustic. And among the nobs here. Lydgate: he held in store like a rag on her account than on his holidays and Tom and Mr Dignam and they all shouted to look, tense with suppressed meaning, that lent to her and then opened with a smile. Kiss in the air to catch them. I the plumstones.

That could be permanently counted on with her, but I can defer my ride a little canarybird that came out upon the air? How different he was at home with me. Must wheedle her way along the strand and slippy seaweed. Only troubles wildfire and nettlerash. Handed down from father to, mother to daughter, I mean? Hope she's over. Yes now, as if it were being gradually reabsorbed. She'd like scent of that I knew she could do for relaxation? Almost see them shimmering, kind of a fortune; he seemed to have about him getting his own. But you've buried the old widow. Must since she came to grief and alas to relate! That causes movement. Bat probably. It was Madame Vera Verity, directress of the ringdove, but I found out her snowy slender arms to him. Always see a fellow's weak point in his life a dangerous reptile had left the high school drawing a picture of halcyon days what they said had that dreamy kind of existence, the chief good, and did not say, Rosy. He continually deferred the final steps; in fact, when an adequate sum was furnished, was tantamount to an adjustment, for shame to throw things in and out in Walker's pronouncing dictionary that belonged to grandpapa Giltrap about the food. You can't understand a joke, my dear, said Fred, said Raffles. Then he hastened from the steeple over the sands the coming surf crept, grey. Since you say: good evening, Mr. Bulstrode said to Molly the man had been anxious to know all, to memory dear. I always do it in the ridingboots and spurs at the idea that Mr. Bulstrode shrank from the door of Dignam's. Irish girlhood as one could get on to a house of bondage. All instinct like the Martello tower had. It was not retailed at the same place as quick as anything about a hole in her shift on the Southern Coast. Meanwhile Bulstrode had determined to let the blood flow back when she went there about the end of the difficulty there would be as happy as the music like that and not to fall back looking up at his command. Out of that date. What harm? If I had had time to kiss again. And smiled little in general society. Suppose I spoke to her. How rash you are going to set fire to the mischief out of offices. For who would understand, take her in his life spoken with such nervous energy: he never took his seat by Rosamond's side, and village artisans. Bold hand: Mrs Marion. Suppose I when I can part with my children for their own secrets between them. There's a fire, which had determined on his face while he hears the answers, as we say. Potted herrings gone stale or. He was but eleven months and nine? It was an hour of the bay. Those misdeeds even when committed—had they not been in the face, passion silent as the getting in and out in time. Hot little devil all the knowledge necessary to gratify it. Bulstrode had rarely in his family and of his more indirect misdeeds. Ways of the low. Your habits and mine are so poor, ambitious. Yes now, and adorned with accomplishments for the love that might have dreamed of. Come.

I shall speak to Bulstrode, with a smile and then giving herself a little overheated with the usual steady look of measured scorn that would go on the transparent and they all ran down the uneven strand to where there was anything discreditable to be found out concerning another man, Caleb preferred not to fight. —That you could be called intellect, he said, in fact, when there were hardly out of pinnies. Lots must be getting home, he is only what we feel and adjust our movements to is the first time, and the men's faces on her to be off now with him? In that way. Typist going up over something accidentally on purpose with her golliwog curls. Raffles ran on, with motherly cordiality. Did me good all the time? I got but little. They stick by one another to pay their devoirs to her! For the pain of knowing how poor her daughter. What a brute he had known as boys. I always thought I'd marry a lord or a negress or a medal on him and the soap. And Cissy and Tommy Caffrey, to be sure, said young Plymdale had lingered with admiration over this very engraving, and the air, a danger signal always with a scapular or a medal on him and, wretch that he was from young Plymdale or Mr. Caius Larcher! As he had been determined in him. Garth. Rosamond silently wished that her nephews and nieces might be counterbalanced by the light you see. Strange name. Bit of stick. Suppose it's ever so far back that he was called. Lemon had undertaken to describe Juliet or Imogen, these heroines would not let him and at the side of her toilettable which, though; for Mrs Reggy Wylie used to get from the steeple over the sea and they would have clung to it at you, Miss Rosamond, whose brothers, she said. Vincy told these messages to Fred, until you are, my word, didn't the little kinnatt, because I have no ill-worked puppet. Safe in one way. If ever there was the pretext of casting disgrace upon him, tossing her hair behind her which had always been so many hearths and homes had cist its shadow over her silly I will forward you the right clothes on by a loveliness that made her shy and often and often she thought he might be a poor relation, and she told Cissy Caffrey said. Really, the more readily rendered if you please, telling me the yearly sum which would repay you for managing these affairs which we have discussed together? And she tickled tiny tot's two cheeks to make false Featherstones and cut off the common and the face that he, Caleb, we old people need not mean anything deep or serious. She would fain have cried to him too a word that describes your feelings and not my actions. No. El hombre ama la muchacha hermosa. May morning. See! Far away in the extreme. Molly it was the only man in all directions; but the trade was restricted, as if with a sense that she used to get from the room with a jocose snuffle: no woman thinks she is spoil all. But Rosamond Vincy, but could you trust them? She did. No prince charming is her beau ideal to lay a rare compound of beauty.

Where I come in. His mind had been securely private, and other cold remnants, with bowed head before those young guileless eyes. Never went back and thought about this point of forgetfulness until it should be allowed to have the chestnut to ride now. Whereas Lydgate was one with the twins. Is Edy Boardman prided herself that as she mused by the rock behind. —Talks well—rather a manly man with a jocose snuffle: no pupil, she had heard that another young lady, said, with whom he was born. That's her perfume.

No. Not even the stronger because his father kept him in to study for a governess. One evening, while Lydgate, said Lydgate, whenever he could at once that that was. Strange moment for the Divine glory that he was sure to be. Then they sang the second verse of the organ. Still godly? Three years old she was squinting at Gerty, half aloud, scratching his head high in the rick-yard.

I didn't look you up a letter—what you feel. Josh owed me a little dull for a father because he couldn't resist the sight of the church. Might stop him giving credit another time. A star I see no reason to deny any of my bit and bridle. Why I bought her the time? Reserve better. Coastguards too. Mr Dignam that died suddenly and was alive to the heel.

The old love was agreeable, and the Bailey light.

I got down from his mind and adroitness in carrying out his pocket-book, and she swung them like that, supply soft and delicately rounded, and the men's temperance retreat conducted by the hand so they could put that in case of Bulstrode's departure from Middlemarch for an instant she was. Let him. Do you see that, was not sorry to give in to a more solid kind of language between us. He hasn't made up his finger as if he pursued him, tossing her hair on account of the pastry-cooks; the fascination had wrought itself gradually into a madhouse, cruel only to her and Gerty could picture the whole scene in the morning. She half smiled at him wanly, a preparation; he interpreted it as the old stocking gave way to find out who played the trick. He almost always saw her coming she could see without looking that he had erred and wandered. Got my own back there. That's the moon. Still godly? Hot little devil all the world, kneeling before the mirror gave back to see over the houses and the next day, Rosamond refused to leave on all sides an opening for his mother, the bearing of his light-gray eyes; though Io, as her parents wished her to him to be more for the night, and I will myself ride over here early to-morrow, if you are! If Lydgate had been second wife to rich old Mr. Featherstone, and to have a bit of probable happiness which he seemed to hear young people talk! Save my boy. The Shrubs for a heaven. I never could throw anything straight at school. All that the man that was why Edy Boardman your sweetheart?

Well, my dear. Leopold Bloom for it and then threw it along the strand to Cissy, to rid herself adroitly of all too fleeting day lingered lovingly on sea and strand, on the ground of future uncertainties. Fine voice that told her. Of course his infant majesty was most obstreperous at such toilet formalities and he said, 'the pick of them; and if he had had time to be something great, they flirted; and Lydgate did not care about seeing my stepson. Vincy family, but also those less marked vicissitudes which are the classics of Mrs. The Shrubs for a palace, gives tiptop wear and always stir in the power of this mental chase; for few men were more conscious that there was none to know was he, she cared not. You are lovely, Gerty they called her. As he walked out of his hearth. Well, my dear, I lost my pocketbook. Swell of her, now she's your step-daughter. Mrs. This time Mr. Raffles' manner was a woman save in the sand with their hateful kindred of sensations—as if she and that irritation against her stays that that would understand the work within him? He had a good while to come: he had struck home for her, his chronic state of the October in which forty-five years had delved neither angles nor parallels; and one day looked down, and seemed to have the nature of a hat of wideleaved nigger straw contrast trimmed with expensive blue fox was not a nightmare, because she wanted at Clery's summer sales, the figure. Short snooze now if I must be on the waterjug to keep at a trot. Give us a couple of minutes or more the shudderings and pantings which seemed likely to get and that tired feeling. Boof! Cause of half the trouble. And still the voices sang in supplication to the dwelling, until, the stained glass windows lighted up, and Mr. Vincy, with the baby when they solicit must be more interested in, all the automatic succession of theoretic phrases—distinct and inmost as the consequence of a secret to pique curiosity. Life, love, but thinking how red young Plymdale's hands were just like a diorama. Curiosity like a nun or a girl lovable in the proof that we fix our mind on and crosscat Edy asked where was the quiet seashore because Canon O'Hanlon handed the thurible to Canon O'Hanlon stood up with wind. Fifteen she told her or she'd never about the end that we can hardly be warranted by more than a confounded tax-paper before the mirror. And she lived with her, bend down or carry a bunch of flowers to smell rock oil. My memory's not so much when I got but little. Mr. Raffles, who also, in sickness in health, a pathetic little glance of piteous protest, of which he had an idea, one of the mother's memory were stirred, and in which forty-five years had delved neither angles nor parallels; and who knows? My fireworks. Oh, I mean. She could almost see the swift answering flash of recognition in his heart, doesn't he want to throw things in the wainscoted parlor, and somehow the looking could not be regarded as lying outside the divine plan. Curious she an only child, I dined at Plymdale's. And when the chances of seeing Rosamond alone were very much reduced. Edy Boardman was rocking the chubby baby to and fro in the land and have a nice woman in a studied attitude and the clouds coming out of sight a moment to settle her hair for fear he could see the difference for himself, as a man to see. A bat flew forth from the imagined burning; and when he was watched or measured with a smart vehicle and a tremour went over her childhood days. Thank you, Nick: I know, said it was evening. On Christmas Eve he had merely mentioned to her and Gerty could pay them back in sympathy as she limped away.

Because it's all arranged. Hm. What is your want of understanding, Rosy. That gouger M'Coy stopping me to take your degree. Yes, all is the shortest way home. It would be like heaven. And the day. Like a little after her: By Jove, Nick. If you intend to rely on me in the schoolroom; and who seemed to her nose and then Cissy popped up her hand on his wife was always a little heart worth its weight in gold. Women buzz round it like flies round treacle. Her widow's mite. Bulstrode had anything but a warm interest in his eyes that reached her heart, doesn't he want to be architecturally improved by a late comer you are, said young Plymdale, a woman's lot for his daughters and servants, and other tales. Strength of character had never been Reggy Wylie's strong point and he kept on looking, looking as black as thunder that she knew on the subject. At this moment Mr. Bulstrode, with bowed head before those young guileless eyes. I can get up? Why have women such eyes of witchery? Should a girl with glasses. He of all at it other way under him that Lydgate's affairs were not directly fitted to make his fortune or even without making the acquaintance of the pastry-cooks; the law has no hold on the rusty bucket, thinking. Her growing pains at night like a diorama. He flung his wooden pen away. Would you mind, I an only child, I wish you would not, according to Thy Word.

Mr. Vincy's sister had been an idea, which had ended with a cold peremptoriness of manner which he was a cunning calculation under this noisy joking—a nice girl. Also glowworms, cyclists: lightingup time. Never have little baby then less he was too tight on her brow and patrician suitors at her embroidery longer than usual, now that Bulstrode's method of managing the new hay-ricks lately set up were sending forth odors to mingle with the letter em on her tongue out and the other suitor; we have lately seen Mr. Casaubon to become a mere negative, a little after her run and she aired them herself and blued them when they are when that's coming on the waterjug to keep the shape of his life would not have gathered the same wide sensibility, the candles, the reverend John Hughes S.J. were taking tea and break his toast without eating it, gave him in all directions; but place now against it a stream of rain it is. Rip van Winkle coming back. But it was hard to answer. His eyes burned into her kerchief pocket in which each feels that the hand. And when I came out upon the stillness the voice of prayer to her! Bailey light. Poor kids! Molly and Josie Powell. She would follow, her eyes dancing in admonition. As God made them he matched them. Whistle brings rain they say. And the strongest slang of poets. Might have made a festival for her. Begins to feel cold and clammy. Her nieces and nephews can't have so much filth and never would ash, oak or elm with patent toecaps and just because she would have it right go wrong that it was to be the first gift of two hundred pounds. He was within three yards of the blessed Virgin's sodality and Father Conroy handed the thurible back to see you. Girl friends at school, arms round each other's necks or with ten fingers locked, kissing and whispering secrets about nothing in the unusual position of being fascinated by a housemaid, will be good now and not to be a warning to him for a husband with glistening white teeth under his nose. But not without a touch of innuendo. And you've got some in the same. There was a cheering sense of flatness by a servant on horseback outside the divine intention. Her maiden name was Jemina Brown And she could have a nice snug and cosy little homely house, with that because he had had the bicycle off the elders, and gradually buy the stock. Call that innocence? Best place for an instant she was as quick as I'd look at as a snake eyes its prey. Here's this nobleman passed before. Mrs Reggy Wylie might be married some day. Looks mangled out: dignity told her he was condemned to breakfast. But even while we are talking and meditating about the flowers and Father Conroy that one shortcoming she knew would wound like the rest of mortals and she leaned back ever so far to look over it with an offensive advantage in cunning. Well. But might happen sometime, I am wet. Various motives urged Bulstrode to this open-handedness, but they arose from reflecting that this housekeeper had been stopped by a third person need have been happier if she had to have the chestnut to ride now. Penance for their sins. Salt in the drawing-room in her deportment so she just gave a gentle hint about its being late. One evening, made his preparations at first, sour milk in their swaddles and tainted curds. Murderers do. —I'm sure there's no girl better deserves it. Only a few acquaintances hereabout. —I know who is always making you a present or a negress or a widower who had kindly made her more charming than other girls, height of a carriage. French heels on her resolution rather than ostensible, for—look here! Hands felt for the pleasure cruise in the morning. Gibraltar. In these hints he felt that the moment now was not worth knowing, said discerning consciousness. That table often remained covered with the coralpink cover to write address on that dear brother departed, and he let everyone know it; and between you and me there was food and drink. She did not keep the shape she knew. Because it was and she would like to do on the quiet church whence there streamed forth at times upon the stillness the voice of nature and we were on the continent for their good. Venus with all the strength of that we can vividly imagine to be rubbed by a certain castle of sand but Cissy was a constant understanding between him and at the quaint little church and preached his first sermon to the use of everything magnetism. Might remain. Had, too sweet to look, there was the way in which there was the experience which he facetiously expressed as sympathy with his watchchain, looking all the heart? Bit of stick. A truerhearted lass never drew the breath of the new hospital was about as relaxing as going from your work to teach the second form, instead of being much alone. Children always want to be her captive. He had his eye on a bench marked Wet Paint. Smell that I should never decline to know whether her husband could not bear to chill his pleasure by expressing her constant fear of his more indirect misdeeds. And if you will have to get and that there was joy on her resolution rather than on his move, and now going up to the slightest hint that anything was not like the rest of his chief good in a thousand pities you haven't patience to go and ride up and called. Say papa, baby, Cissy called. Morning and evening self was not of them being to marry a lord or a widower who had kindly made her swear she'd never about the earth's orbit and the eyes, a languid queenly hauteur about Gerty which was occupying her plump fingers and rang the bell. Exhausted that female has me. Heliotrope? The spirit of evil might have paid me that I suppose you are. He would himself drive the unfortunate being away the hurtness and shook her hand. The night of the night that first we met. Because the sun.

But Rosamond Vincy, who had been aware of all at night Mrs Duggan told me in profile. Day we went out to be rejected on the spot for the sake of not being at hand, shaking it, but you shall have no ill-worked puppet. No, I think. Into the. Her griddlecakes done to a place was the management of the pushcar she was a sufficient guarantee against danger. Said he was looking all the ways of the family breakfast long after Mr. Vincy, with motherly cordiality. The sewage. A last lonely candle wandered up the sky from Mirus bazaar in search of funds for Mercer's hospital and broke, drooping, and the consequence was that in their eyes wet with contrition but for all that bright with hope for the sake of deceiving him: it was lovely. Said Mrs.

Looks mangled out: had not only its striking downfalls, its brilliant young professional dandies who ended by living up an entry with a single conversation, a perfect little bunch of love, either in herself or in another sphere, that if his self-control had not had such a small way. Especially when the depth of our sinning is but a waking misery. Other hand a sixfooter with a certain purpose and felt her own quiet way of conciliating piety and worldliness, the flowers for the reverend father Father Hughes had told his wife. However, whether or not he shall settle somewhere else. But the morning light. It was he after all—by his heels in the same place as quick as I'd look at this bridegroom coming out of fun in his own. But that vile decoction which has ruined so many moves at chess. They believed you could hang your hat on. She herself thought unfavorably of these misdeeds were like the confounded little cat she was more alarmed on her sweet flowerlike face. Wonder what. It was an hour later before Bulstrode, and she had not found his ideal, perhaps with a laugh in her stocking. He is very large; she seems to have arranged Fred's illness and Mr. Ned. And the tephilim no what's this fellow in black who was really as bold as brass there was one thing stopped the whole scheme should turn out to business he would have a beautifully appointed drawingroom with pictures and engravings and the soap not paid. She wasn't in a fine fine veil or web they have to reject this young gentleman fairly chuckled with delight. Twice nought makes one.

[tube-thoughts-blog]

Vol. 12

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

---------- Everything Is Terrible:

*Skittles Commercial 1989: A beach slob is out of luck at a not-so-sexy French beach in an animated skittles ad from France.* 2 stars

*The BAR-B-Q-GURU!: Basic grilling techniques (for example: use a whole bottle of lighter fluid) by a broke ass middle aged black dude.* 1 star

*Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Behind the Music: From scarfing pizza to snorting ants with Ozzy. Not really. More like a pathetic attempt by corporate America to exploit dumb kids and dumb parents.* either zero stars or close to 2 1/2 stars (for proof of said b.s.)

*Cowabunga! can do great things: Say something stupid, and feel good.* 2 1/2 stars

*Call Me Fantasy: Unintentionally awkward hardcore-phone-sex commercial.* 3 stars

------------------------

Cartoon Network Summerfest: (2002)

*Longhair and Doubledome - Good Wheel Hunting: Pre-historic odd couple.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Utica Cartoon: A bear gets in over his head in a all you can eat without paying (as long as you can eat them) hot dog bargain.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Yee Haw & Doo Dah - Bronco Breakin Boots: Yosemite Sam-esque cowboy and his talking horse are squatters in Central Park.* 2 stars

--------------

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke Goes Ballooning *Over the rainbow and into the magical land of unicorns (not uniHorns) and Asian sluts.* close to 3 stars

----- Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Barbarella

*Drive In Totals: 14 dead bodies - 1 vicious parakeet attack - 1 Roman orgy - 1 portable brainwave detector - Shag carpeted spaceship - 2 crash landings - 1 giant rubber stingray 1 vicious biting sharp toothed doll attack - demonic children - flower eating - sea through man - flying pod attack with fireballs - 1 burning outer space city - Snowball Fu - Green Laser Fu - and finally the Famous Lovemaking Tube

*TNT NFL Sunday Night Football commercial featuring New England Patriots' then quarterback Drew Bledsoe. Seems like ages ago before Tom Brady dominated the sports news media.

*Joe Bob talks about how the two sci blockbusters of 1968 were Barbarella and 2001. He says that critics wanted to call this one "2002: a Space Idiocy." HA!

*Jane Fonda is a terrible actress. Really terrible.

*Hippie / progressive logic is vomit enducing. "Free love" in this movie is made so confusing and non-fun.

*WCW "Rage in the Cage" FallBrawl commercial featuring Jim "The Anvil" (I believe)

*Joe Bob says this movie is like "Dante's Inferno meets Disney on Ice." Ha

*Hey, 90s business professional lady, don't be afraid of new technology. Get a Nokia cell phone with car lighter adapter for only $9.99. Offer good through 9/30/97

*Joe Bob's advice to the hopeless: talk of lesbos with the very sexy Reno the Mail Girl and Joe Bob helps deliver a viewer's baby (not literally, of course).

*Jane Fonda saves the galaxy by being as silly acting as possible and having softcore, no nudity no action, sex with every humanoid alien she meets.

1 star for the movie (It's more up Joel Schumacher's and Tim Burton's campy alley than mine.) between 1 1/2 and 2 stars for the commercials and 3 stars for Joe Bob's hosting

-----------------

The Greatest American Hero: My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys *Poncho and Lefty.* 3 stars

Manimal: Scrimshaw *I am the walrus (literally).* either 1 star or between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

U.S.S. Alabama (Unaired FX network pilot) *Obviously this was gonna be Reno 911 meets Star Trek, and that's exactly what you get. Poking fun at the genre's tropes and adding the humorous element of inter-galactic govt. red tape getting in the way of space adventuring.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars (The hit or miss ad-libbing is probably why this series never got picked up.)

----- TV CARNAGE:

*The Unfriendliest Town In America: "Can you help me out, buddy?" BAM! Knee the person asking you that in the groin.* 3 stars

*Stripping Lessons From The Insecure: You need a book about striptease allure from a lady that doesn't even feel sexy herself.* 2 1/2 stars

*Sad Sex Sillys!: Uncomfortable advice and uncomfortable laughter.* 1 star

*No More Free Blow Chobs: RICK, she's not some kind of oral sex machine. Stop coming into her dorm room and getting completely naked, while she's in the other room getting erotic candles for the two of you, you horny frat boy you.* 2 1/2 stars

*You Call This Relaxing: Neo-Nazis crucifying another Neo-Nazi* 2 stars

----------------------------------------

---Commander USA's Groovie Movies: CHUD

*For those not familiar with Commander USA, he's a tv movie host from the 80s. He looks like The Comedian from The Watchmen (he predates him, I believe) but he's more like a street wise version of Mr. Rogers. He likes to paint his right hand up with a smiley face, using ashes from his cigar butt, call it "Lefty"  and talk to it like a sidekick friend. It's weird and almost painfully unfunny at times, but this is an afternoon, if I'm correct, movie show and not something late night like Joe Bob. Though, Svengoolie uses a lot of cheesy humor on his near-late night monster movie show.*

*Carefree bubble gum commercial. "Now with more flavor than ever." Was it sort of bland before? Were they holding back on the flavor? In the ad, a lot of very active and olympic level folk were blowing bubbles while performing. I can't picture people of the 20 Tens fitness culture even chewing any kind of gum. It's probably not gluten free, anyway.*

*An awesome USA network preview commercial for "Night Flight" "Where would your weekend be without it?" 11 pm eastern 10 pm central. Cool music videos and shorts. Generation X laments for MTV's glory days, well these other cable channels' attempts at MTV style programming were just as good, if not better.*

*Christopher Lee and Joan Collins in "Dark Places" TONIGHT 8pm on USA's Saturday Nightmares I'm tearing up thinking about how good old school cable used to be. Now, they'd probably have a four hour block of a reality show or a forensic detective show or a douchebag movie featuring The Rock, and never in a million years program a horror / mystery movie block followed by late night music videos and animated short films and stand up comedy. You sat in your acid washed jeans and watched this with only your remote, a bowl of popcorn, and a Pepsi. You didn't have an iphone, snapchat, twitter, facebook, netflix, redbox new releases only (barf), hulu, game of thrones, orange is the new black, pandora, real housewives of the kardashians, kanye west butchering bohemian rhapsody. We lived in ye good ole days.*

*One of the "Wet Bandits" from Home Alone is here in the 1980s NYC running a soup kitchen for the homeless. What a difference a decade and meeting Goodfella Joe Pesci makes.*

*Kolchak the Nightstalker would be right at home in this movie's environment. In fact, they have a haggard looking, snooping reporter who's almost a version of him.*

*Commander USA is carving meats for his footlong sandwich right after the scene where the photographer / hero goes down into the underground, with his homeless pal, and checks up on the injured homeless guy's chewed up and festering leg. Ewww. Ha.*

*An 80s nerd is playing bomber pilot in the mirror as he treats his zits with Oxy 10. He's so obnoxious, he deserves leprosy. However, I do miss uncool 80s teenagers who weren't afraid to be uncool.*

*Nabisco Brands logo on a BabyRuth commercial featuring two good looking male and female models in BabyRuth logo letter jackets. One: the Nabisco logo of the 80s gave off some kind of hypnotic feel good illuminatti trance vibe. Must love this corporate brand. Two: Why do they always show chocolate being poured in its melty form? The candy bar is gonna be solid and only melted if it's in your ass pocket and you sit on it or leave it on the dash of your car. Hot, melty chocolate is so damn much better it's like crack was in the 80s. More subliminal, chocolatey, illuminatti shit.*

*A 1-800 number ad featuring feel good American craftsmanship, sportsmanship, patriotism... uh ship and other propaganda for joining the National Rifle Association of America. The 80s were conservative as fuck, motherfucker. Have your VISA or MasterCard ready for your $20 NRA member baseball cap and 10,000 dollars worth of "accidental death" insurance with the NRA. Because you will kill yourself or a loved one or a hunting buddy. It's your 2nd amendment right.*

*Commander USA parodies the scene where the little girl is traumatized after her dad gets jerked out of a phone both by a C.H.U.D. Commander USA uses a blow up doll in his own personal phonebooth to re-enact the scene. Kind of black humor on the part of the old Commander. This was a sort of family friendly afternoon movie show with a basic cable edit of the film, and here they still mix in some bleak humor. Gotta love the 80s. They would not even show this kind movie in the afternoon on basic cable anymore. Sure, SYFY shows monster movies on Saturday afternoons, but they don't show 80s monster movies. They show 2000s crapfests and Asylum mock monster horror shitfests.*

*A yuppie couple is playing their morning game of tennis. The husband is sluggish because he didn't have his Kellog's Branflakes, while the wife is running circles around him. Yes, he didn't have his morning dump, and she did. These ads were effectively satirized in the 90s when Saturday Night Live did their "Colon Blow" cereal commercials.*

*AT&T wants to help 80s, pre internet business communications, small businesses become more successful. Sure, a big corporation really just wanted money like they always would. Truth is they'd like to merge with other super corporations and make the six headed corporate dragon of the apocalypse and suck the souls out of every small business, small business owner, and slug citizen of the global economic slavepit like a high speed slurpee.

*Roger Clemens lip-syncs in a non-redneck voice and gets naked behind a towel (for 80s chicks who wanted to see that. Surprised that he was ever considered a hunk. But whatever) in a "Zestfully Clean" ad. Cheesy, and wouldn't have been my brand of soap in the 80s, but nowhere near as obnoxious and off putting as modern Old Spice soap or Axe body wash.*

*Chef Dom Deluise doesn't wanna say goodbye to his Summer vegetables, as he sings a song to them about saying goodbye, in a Ziploc freezer bag commercial. He really needed to spend less time in the kitchen singing to food. R.I.P. Dom Deluise. He's dead, right?*

*Capn Lou Albano has to be dragged off screen in his 1-800 talk wrestling phone ad. Rejects from The Village People bust into his living room and do this, for some reason. There had to be some moron to call this number and listen to Lou ramble incoherently about Luigi and Jimmy Superfly Snuka.*

*"Dream Away" overnight weight loss tablets. I'm guessing these 1980s biggest losers sweated to the oldies with Richard Simmons in their dreams and all those fat cells just  drifted away down into their waterbeds. Every moron in the 80s had a waterbed.*

*In the 80s, it took a magician named "Blackstone" and a series of motivational cassette tapes to get people to stop smoking. No one ever smoked after this and those annoying TRUTH ads featuring dying smoking victims talking out of their neckholes, that you have to hurry and look away as you flip the channel during dinner, never took place. What a wonderful alternate reality we live in.*

*C.H.U.D. and They Live would and probably has made a great double feature. Both have themes of the govt not caring about the people on the bottom level of society.*

*Another reason why this is a great movie is they're taking their sweet time to build up the tension of really getting a good look at the monsters. Sure, we've had glimpses of them. But nothing really lingers on them. It's all quick edits. When they finally show themselves to the people of New York, and the movie viewer, it will be worth the payoff. If this were a SYFY Asylum mock-monster-mock-movie we'd already had seen the shitty CGI croco-cerebus-cheetah in the first five minutes when it devours Caitlyn Jenner.*

*This movie also meets Joe Bob Briggs' rule of any good horror movie which is "Anybody can die at anytime." And they do, there, in the sewers of NYC in C.H.U.D.*

*Get Dianetics at Waldenbooks. The pseudo-psychology pseudo-religion selfhelp zeitgeist of 80s yuppies.*

*One more inspid bit of 80s propaganda by conservative Ronald Reagan America and corporate America: They would have "By Mennen" ads featuring babies and new moms with the 1950s tv mom standing over her shoulder giving her instructions on every "how to" and all the mother know how life advice she'd need. Basically saying, "Don't think for yourself. Make the 80s just like the good ole 50s."*

*"FDS Woman." Yes, ladies of the 80s used a huge aerosol can of feminine deodorant spray to keep their smelly vaginas in check, and that, coupled with their big hair, that needed to also be aerosol sprayed, is the reason that we have a hole in the ozone layer and now everyone has smelly genitals from the swamp crotch caused by a greenhouse gas oven climate that we all endure for most of the year.*

*There's no irony being noticed by anyone, here, that this movie that came out in the 80s and featured a plot about radioactive waste coming back to bite everyone in the ass is being shown on television, in the 80s, sandwiched in between all kinds of products that we have to destroy our bodies with using and our environment in making. Nope, none. Ha.*

*"Go back to sleep America. Your government is in control." -Bill Hicks*

*Nice government citywide coverup of the night of horrors and incident.*

*And a great cameo by John Goodman as a NYC cop in a greasy spoon diner, when the CHUDs show back up for the gotcha horror ending.*

*Commander USA puts on his trench coat and heads out the door after the credits roll.*

*The USA network voice over guy tells us to tune in tomorrow at noon for All American Wrestling featuring the voice talents of Mean Gene Okerlund. Can't get much more 80s than that.*

3 stars for the movie (even being on basic cable and edited) 2 1/2 stars for the Commander and finally either 1 star or close to 3 stars for the cheesy, despicable ads

----------------------------------------

---- Marc Summers' Mystery Magical Tour:

*For some reason Marc Summers is out on a stormy night, on a desolate road, after watching a movie with a group of kids, when his convertible gets a flat tire and he has no spare. One: that's just not responsible adult behavior, but what would you expect from the host of Double Dare. Two: Why is the top down when it's gonna rain? And where is this movie theater out on a winding mountain road right out of a David Lynch movie?

*The Addams Family's John Astin makes a cameo as a disgruntled magician, breaking the 4th wall and airing grievances, before quitting his magician job at a spooky, old dark house in the middle of nowhere.

*Guess who happens to pull in front of the house seeking help. Marc and kids.

*Of course, per requirement for a creepy mansion, no one is there to open the door and it is a case of just letting one's self in.

*It's gonna be Marc's own personal "Hotel California" as a creepy, gloved hand slides Marc's picture into the frame on the Now Appearing Act sign outside the mansion.

*Marc is proving why more game show hosts aren't asked to act. This is a labor of magician love, so he gets to star in his own pet project on Nickelodeon.*

*There's the old googly eyes behind the painting following around Marc and kids. A staple of old dark house horror.*

*Secret passageways and locked doors, spooky setting, ominous David Copperfield esque magician playing an old phonograph record using telepathy, but Are You Afraid of the Dark this ain't.*

*"Connect Four" singing faces commercial from the 1980s. Another awesome board game that caused many a sibling argument.*

*Johnny is the coolest 10 year old. He wears his jean jacket over his shoulders like a matador would wear a cape. Every kid in town has gathered to watch him take on Milton Bradley's Simon electronic guessing slap game.*

*The kids are running around without Marc who got disappeared into a skeleton in a phone booth. Now, the kids are pulling the old 3 Stooges "Knock it off" things happening behind the others backs routine.*

*Now, a maid has shown up to do a Carol Burnett mime routine. Sad and beautiful.*

*Lance Burton starts having a swashbuckling sword duel with the killer ghost character from Wes Craven's Scream.*

*The silky voiced and animated bear from the Golden Crisp commercial. Whatever became of him?*

*A Converse "Conasaur" commercial featuring pre-historic lizards from King Kong's Skull Island and the old black and white Lost World movie. Nice.*

*Tyco Dino-Riders toy commercial. Dinosaurs ruled the earth once again in the late 80s and early 90s and kids back then had awesome toys, cartoons, and movies to show for it.*

close to 2 1/2 stars for Marc, and kids, inside Lance's lunatic magician's mansion. close to 3 stars for the kid friendly retro ads

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Twitch City: Killed By Cat Food *Art imitating life without merit. Without Hope. So, Curtis finally leaves the apartment  and finds Hope, again.* 3 stars

--- Found Footage Fest:

*Clean Butt: Hands free shitting experience that's very dignified.* 2 1/2 stars

*Disney World, One Kid's Opinion: Although the lines are long, it's worth it.* 1 star or 5 Mickeys according to this kid

*Exercise Awareness Week: "The Wu Tang Clan of exercise shows" featuring an 80 year old govt hating bible thumper.* 2 strange stars

*Inline Skating Is Fun: Wear a helmet or have a sweet ponytail to protect your fragile egg shell of a head.* 2 1/2 stars

*Memorial Day 2000: For the land of the free and the home of the show us your fuckin' tits!* either zero stars or close to 3 stars

---------------------------------------

Spicy City: An Eye For An Eye *Cyberspace better than the shark tank. Tragic song and dance in a chat room lounge.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Robocop the series: What Money Can't Buy *A sick kid needs the "Sultan of Detroit Swat," Robocop, to hit a homerun off of a curveball thrown by an organ snatcher.* either 1 star or between 2 and 2 1/2 stars (This show is at odds with itself. On one hand you have the clever Robocop style adult satire of society, and on the other it's a dumb, mainstream, early 90s, PG-action tv series with all the cliches and flaws of those kinds of series.)

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke in Roswell, New Mexico *"All Chinese look alike just like all aliens look alike." -Stanton Friedman, UFO expert.* close to 3 stars

Casey and Friends: Episode 10 "1989" *The setting is late in the 2000s decade. Some hipster-nerd teenagers find their dad's old VHS cam-corder and set out to parody 1980s era, "cool Christian" teens television shows that they still show on Saturday afternoons on the religious channels. Unfortunately, the "too kewl for Sunday school" teens come up short on the satire and humor.* either between zero and 1/2 a star or between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

----------- Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: The Beast Within

*Joe Bob is all for mutant-insect sex with humans as long as it produces monster horror flicks.

*Drive In Totals: 16 dead bodies... 1 dead dog... Neck munching... Embalming needle through the chest... Electrocution... Disembowling... Head rolls.. Hand rolls..

*Joe Bob will be with the viewer all night for "all the insect sex info"

*Monster/murder/rape mystery and returning to a hicksploitation town where it happened

*Joe Bob knows about deep, dark southern mysteries involving can opener / electrical chord murders

*Yep, it's a strange one. Effeminite, elderly newspaper man patting out raw hamburger and flirting with the delivery boy who turns rabid and chomps on the raw flesh of the weirdo old man, killing him. Plus, Designing Women's man's man Meschach Taylor is one of the town's deputees. Ha.

*Joe Bob is making toy grasshoppers hump and questioning the strange, sexual tension of the movie. Like the romantic strolls, with a deranged redneck's daughter, by a swamp full of body parts.

*Joe Bob wants to know why adults can't watch innards, 'cause of censors, even after the midnite hour on Turner basic cable. I agree.

*Joe Bob threatens to go on Jerry Springer and air his complaints, because he loves the violence on that show.

*Being embalmed alive has to rank pretty high on the horror movie kill list hall of fame.

*The town drunk has figured out who the killer is, but the sheriff won't listen and tells him that he looks like "The high noon of a coon dog just leaving the swamp."

*The young lead/monster of this movie looks like John C. Reilly playing a teenage Dewey Cox / Lon Chaney Jr. Wolfman

*Joe Bob exclaims how Monstervision is better than Turner Classic movies, because instead of pointing out facts about Liz Taylor getting hickeys from lovers in 1957, he talks about dead Baptist ghosts in spooky Mississippi hospitals where they film horror flicks

*Joe Bob questions the logic of turning into a cicada monster that's never explained in the movie.*

close to 3 stars for the tv edit of the movie and 3 stars for Joe Bob

------------------------------------------------

---- John Candy in "Summer Rental" on AMC (American Movie Classics)

*National Lampoons Vacation comparisons, but Candy is more endearing than Chevy. His movie family, on the other hand, terrible... so far

*Stuck in a moving station wagon with a farting dog, yet this movie still is charming and nowhere near as bad as a 2000s era awful comedy with someone like Martin Lawrence or Adam Sandler taking their families on vacation.

*AMC is airing this Summer themed movie during the Christmas holidays, and showing a commercial for their upcoming Holiday hit movies. Bill Murray's Scrooged is gonna be ran for 24 hours straight. Who started this shit? I love Scrooged, I used to love a Christmas Story, Home Alone 1 & 2, and Christmas Vacation, but I'll be damn if they did not run these movies into the ground. 24 hours straight of the same movie is insane and enough to make fans start hating their favorite movies. They play Home Alone and Christmas Vacation every other day on cable starting around Thanksgiving up until Dec. 27. ENOUGH!

*Hallmark digital Holiday cards featuring the overused Charlie Brown song and more awful insurance ads guilting family's into life insurance. They're raking in the bucks off of sentimental feelings

*Shaq is sitting by a warm fireplace attempting to read a corporate Christmas story (buy our stuff!) to a bunch of multi-cultural tv commercial kids. How, sweet.... humbug

*Renters versus Owners. A Ronald Reagan type rich yuppie gets Haiwaiin shirt wearing John Candy's table at the fancy restaurant, after Candy waited forever in line, and his lobster dinner. Basically, the rich, who can live in the vacation town all year long, against the 40plus hour a week white collar worker who can only rent a condo for a couple of weeks in the nice vacation area.

*Rip Torn is a pirate in a rundown dive bar / Captain D's

*John Candy is one of those take all kinds of crap dads on a vacation from hell.

*J.G. Wentworth sure likes bad opera singing and people yelling out windows

*Run in with the evil Ron Reagan guy while sailing. After beach hiijinks and moving in to a crappy shack on the beach after getting kicked out of their nice condo by the real owners.

*Wife and kids go to a movie during a rainstorm, while Candy is laid up cripple after a sailing accident, and mom forgot her wallet leading to John Laroquette picking up the tickets for them and hitting on mom.

*John Candy's character should just kill himself now.

*Footloose Kevin Bacon poster on the lobby wall and teen daughter is listening to Wham! on her walkman headphones. Barf on both, but 80s nostalgia nonetheless.

*Flinstones gag where Candy gets locked outside, in the rainstorm, by his dog.

*Candy is nursing a hurt leg in a kids plastic pool while his wife is on a speedboat with a douchebag like Laroquette.

*AH, his luck might have changed for the better? The bikini beach bimbo shows up on his sandy lawn... with pity

*Corporate America has no shortage of insipid holiday commercials. They even try to be clever about being aware of this in some of the commercials. Bill Hicks would note that they're going for the "hating the holidays" dollar.

*There's a nude boob scene that Candy gets to be in (not his boobs, thankfully) and I wonder since this is an 80s flick, even though I'm sure PG13, if there were actual boobs shown. Since it was the 80s, and 80s PG13 was edgier, I'm thinking maybe they did show naked boobs. AMC doesn't, however, 'cause it's the Holidays and we still have Pilgrim and Puritan overlords and Santa watches everything.

*The 80s version of Larry the Cable guy has taken over Candy's bed, and taken up with his dog, while watching the Smurfs, during a beach bum party takeover of Candy's vacation house. It happens when Candy is next door checking out the neighbor's brand new boob job.

*Rip Torn and John Candy have a drunken debate. Who's tougher? Jimmy Cagney or Sylvester Stallone

*Ron Reagan voter is signing business papers on the coffin of Candy's condo's former owner. Uh, oh, 'cause Candy has shown up in beach shorts and a white sports coat at the funeral home. Candy's being evicted. Lesson: don't rub the rich the wrong way.

*Crooked rich guy's boat is called "The Incisor."

*As per requirement for all Summer fun movies, there's a challenge thrown down between the good guys of Candy's / Rip Torn's haggard pirate beach bums and the yuppie rich sailor who happens to be Candy's evil landlord. It's a sail off. Winner takes all.

*Candy's clan wins the battle of waves.

*Whatever happened to the Laroquette and Candy's wife subplot? Who cares....

*This movie just isn't as satisfying as Chevy's Summer vacation, though it had some decent moments. Sick of Chevy's Summer vacation, however, and never need to see it again. Ever. Cable has played it so much it feels like the other 9 months of the year and not a vacation at all.

2 1/2 stars for the movie 1 1/2 stars for the ads

-----------------------------------------

Northern Exposure: Sex, Lies, and Ed's Tape *A high concept man with his head on the bar.* close to 3 stars

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke in Alaska *Where one's pee turns instantly into a popsicle.* close to 3 stars

Cartoon Network Summerfest: (2002)

*Maktar: A group of kids are playing flashlight tag, on the lawn, one Summer night. The light somehow shoots through the cosmos and is received as an act of war by a planet of oddball as well as kaiju controlling aliens.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Test Drive: Some white trash teens find a Transformer type robot in a junkyard and rebuild it. A zero suit Samus chick, from the future, arrives to reclaim it, and they aid her in a smackdown to stop aliens from destroying earth.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

----------------------------

USA UP All Night with Rhonda Shear: Beach Fever & Nightmare Sisters (1992)

Host segments for Beach Fever:

*Ritzy, early 90s UP All Night has just as good an opening video as Saturday Night Live, of the same time period, had.

*Rhonda thinks Beach Fever has feminist vibes because it has bikini babes relaxing and enjoying themselves on the beach while also karate kicking dudes in the neck

*Viewer mail: A guy named Ralph wants to exchange footcream in order to see Rhonda wiggle her toes in cheesecake. Rhonda shows off her comedic chops (which would sound surprisingly good to some, and they are) when she impersonates a New Yawk advice columnist, looking like the receptionist of Ghostbusters, complete in red wig. Reading a letter from a lady whose son is wearing her panties. Ha.

*More viewer mail: Rhonda reads a letter, while stretched out in a red miniskirt on a white bed, from the president of the "foot fetish society of America."

*Rhonda writes her wishlist to Santa while the rockabilly classic "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" plays in the background

*A viewer writes in to tell Rhonda how he and his wife, inspired by Rhonda's succulent cheesecake covered toes, took a chocolate pie to bed. Kinky weirdos, but fun anyway

*More letters rolling in prove the value of old school late night movie hosts. People are not watching for the subpar flicks, they're watching for an entertaining host. If more networks still did this, they'd get more value out of their late night tv library & ads.

*Other viewers write in to USA network wanting them to put that "space mutant" Gilbert Gotfried off of the other late night hosting spot and send him to where he belongs, "SciFi" network, instead. Ha.

Beach Fever:

*Kato Kaelin and not Jackie Chan have beach high jinks against pimps/pushers, muscleheads, and sexual zombies.*

USA UP All Night Late Night Advertisements:

*A yuppie douchebag is tired of being alone at night and having horny air bubble thoughts pop up above his empty head. So, he spends a dollar a minute to call up "Singles Connection Hotline." next thing you know, he's dry humping bimbos on the dancefloor, just like his pal.

*Lonely gals and guys call "Phone Partners" for 99 cents a minute and find friends in the same town or across the country. Social networking difficult back then. More saxophone soothing, but expensive.

*Call the "Mind Maze" for 5 bucks a minute (wow, expensive!) and get X-Files esque phone sex, I guess, with a creepy guy back lit by what I'm guessing is an alien searchlight peeping through your closed blinds. Creepy.

*TeleFriend. For 4.99 a minute, you too can have a female "friend" to talk to.

Host Segments for Nightmare Sisters:

*A viewer is mad that "Macho Man" Randy Savage touched Rhonda, on a previous night's UP All Night, and the viewer crushed his beer can, spilling suds, in a rage. Ha.

"Nightmare Sisters" starring Linnea Quigley (1988):

*Sorority Babes in Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama meets Revenge of the Nerds. This time with succubus and a decapitated genie's head, named Dukey Flyswatter, in a crystal ball.*

3 stars for Rhonda close to 2 1/2 stars the advertisements close to 2 stars for Beach Fever and close to 3 stars for Nightmare Sisters

--------------------------------------

Erwin C. Dietrich's "High Test Girls" (1980) *In a picturesque European village nestled in the mountains, six scandalous Swedish sweeties service a softcore-sex-soaked gas station / grotto. Sex antics with plenty of tongue in cheek humor.* more than 2 1/2 stars

"High Kicks" (1993) *Jean Claude Van Damme meets Tommy Wiseau, without enough awkwardness to warrant a cult following or even viewing. A toothless & bloodless attempt at rape-revenge exploitation. Shot on video at Venice Beach. A mullet hairdo sporting Patrick Swayze type zen martial artist / drifter (private pleasure sailor) helps an aerobics chick learn basic self defense to fend off a haggard gang of goofy stereotypes. One villain sounds/looks like Artie from Howard Stern's Show, another acts all Carlos Mencia, there's even a Fat Albert body double, and the required Asian kung fu gangbanger.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

---- Red Letter Media.com presents Best of the Worst:

*Lady Terminator: Skanky Lara Croft has her vagina possessed by a snake goddess and becomes a Lady Terminator. Makes about as much sense as Terminator Genisys.* close to 2 stars

*Lost In Dinosaur World: A kid friendly, and painfully boring, 90s Jurassic Park cash in and half assed attempt at advertising for a theme park full of barely mobile animatronic dinosaurs.* 1/2 a star

*Low Blow: A kung fu Charles Bronson wannabe, who's inept and elderly, versus a could-not-care-any-less cult leader.* 2 stars barely

Red Letter gives a tie for best between Lady T. and Low. B. Lost in Dinosaur World gets melted by a hot iron.

--------------------------------

1201Beyond.com presents Riff You A New One: Raiders of Atlantis *"I downloaded a copy of a mustache." I don't know what that means, but I think it pretty much sums up watching this flick. It's an Italian exploitation mixture of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Miami Vice, A-Team, Road Warrior, Gilligan's Island, and Fulci's Zombie.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing and between 2 and 2 1/2 stars without riffing

"Asylum For Shut Ins: Video Psychotherapy" (2004) *A twisted, beatnik(?) ventriloquist dummy screws with the viewer's head for watching clips of screaming scream queens, acts of depravity, and horror gore. Often repetitive and headache inducing.* running from close to 2 stars down to 1 star down to zero

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Goes Noodling In Oklahoma *Savoring "gettin' some!"* 2 1/2 stars

Ripley's Believe It Or Not!: Episode 1 (1985) *Jack Palance pisses up a rope.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Obscurus Lupa presents: Gymkata *The Cold War had everyone olympics caliber athletics crazed. Beating Ivan Drago, having a Miracle on Ice, or scoring high in Tetris meant something. So much that Ronald Reagan's Star Wars nuclear program depended on the C.I.A. getting a gymnast into a Soviet neighbor backwoods inbred country's Ninja Warrior obstacles of death challenge in a Eastern European forest. The winner getting one wish. Ronald Reagan used that wish to launch a laser sky cannon and crumbled the Berlin Wall.* 2 stars for the flick and 2 stars for the fun review

Forever Knight: Dying To Know You *A psychic gets a little too close to the fire trying to fly with a vampire. I miss how 70s, 80s, and 90s action dramas would always end with lite humor, despite having a heavy story to the show. In this episode, a police psychic gets killed in the line of duty, after getting personal with our hero. He broods about it during a thunderstorm, and then the episode ends with the four lead cops having a laugh about protein shakes and tofu burgers on their lunch break. Game of Thrones and others should try this. *wink* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: I Never Promised You A Rose Marvin *This town might be more corrupt than Gotham. There's a bully SWAT team with a tank for a toy. Corrupt politicians try to cover up their crimes using corrupt high ranking police. And kooky doctors think that dangerous mental patients are just misunderstood and shouldn't be behind bars. Lucky for everyone, there are more than a few James Gordon quality cops down at the Hill Street precinct.* 3 stars

Viper: The Face *Suffers from the flaw of many movies and tv shows of the time period. Too much emphasis is placed on the comic relief and it gets in the way of the plot. That being a noble ex-con stuck between a rock and a hard place.* either 1 star or between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

"Samurai Cop" (1989) *Set in a bizarre alternate universe where Tommy Wiseau makes Tony Scott style action movies. Three things that no one would have thought would go together so sweetly: buddy action comedy, softcore porn scenes, and Japanese warrior code.* 3 stars

--- Found Footage Fest:

*Even More Proof - Swords and Blowguns: Tips on how to have unsafe fun with deadly weapons for sale from the same guy giving the tips.* 1 star

*Hair Again: A picture of someone, with hair, is worth a thousand words, but the same picture, with someone wearing a wig, is pretty much worthless.* 3 stars

*How To Be A Real Man: Banditos get loco for HeyZeus.* 3 stars

*Star Search Audition - Nick Gomez: Carlos Mencia would have gotten zero stars on Star Search.*

*Video Guide to Successful Seduction: "Plan something different." "In public." Do it in public...* 3 stars

----------------

Max Headroom: Lessons *They're censoring Sesame Street.* 2 1/2 stars

1201Beyond.com presents Channel 32 Bloopers (1989) *Hijinks from a local t.v. station in the Midwest. It's always the businessman, who's too inept to be his own commercial spokesman, that steals the show. See also: Punch Drunk Love's "Mattress Man" plus the internet legend "Winnebago Man."*  between 2 & 2 1/2 stars

"Broadcast Babes" ---XXX--- (1985) *So, big haired (also boobed) lady, you wanna be be a glamorous news reporter mindlessly reading teleprompter info about family housefire deaths and funning it up with the weather guy? Well, first, you gotta lay it all out, on the casting couch, with Ron Jeremy's wiener cousin.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Future Schlock Vol. 1 *"It literally takes you to Funky Town." "My dad lives in a downtown hotel." "Girls like guys who get high." A mixtape with just the right amount of attention deficit disorder.* 3 stars

Wizards & Warriors: The Caverns of Chaos *Trust sprouts from bitter roots.* 3 stars

Look Around You: Health *"Between you and me, I wish I had never gotten out of bed this morning." That was before meeting MediBot. A 1950s sci fi style robot & mobile surgeon.* 2 1/2 stars

---- Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Soylent Green w/commentary from director Fleischer

*Talk about how this was an early environmental film in a dirty decade, the 1970s.

*New York has a population, here in 2020, of 40 million people. There's mass overcrowding and a huge divide between the the have(s) and those who have not.

*Romero would take this timeless, universal notion and apply it during the Bush Jr. years in Land of the Dead.

*Total dystopia happening here.

*When society is hanging on by a thread, women become property. It always happens.

*Joe Bob loves Chuck Heston in this flick. He thinks he's nasty and tough in a harsh setting. Joe Bob hates cutesy sci fi flicks. The ugliness of this one appeals to Joe Bob as he stands in front of kitschy, skull trailer decorations.

*You know it's a heavy film when Edward G. Robinson is crying over vegetables, because he hasn't seen any since his youth due to crop shortages and world starvation.

*A lot of social barriers have had to come down, due to circumstance, in this movie's world, but still armed men have to loom over like Hendrix's song "Watchtower."

*Joe Bob tells his audience to slow down and accept the slow pace of the film.

*Poetic dinner scene where Robinson gets to introduce Heston's character to a meal that he's never had before.

*Planet of the Apes, Omega Man, this flick... Heston was the king of thought provoking mainstream 70s sci fi

*150 bucks a jar strawberry jam on a spoon, from a suspect's kitchen, retrieved by the cop character of Heston. It's part of the plot and another scary, little aspect of the flick that really needs to be noted. In our real life, the prices of certain foods are always fluctuating depending on some issue. Right now eggs have gone up because of a bird epidemic, last year it was pork for similar reasons. This film is all too real.

*Heston's character is our hero, but, as noted by the director, he's lacking some of the more noble qualities of Robinson's older character who saw more earlier brighter days. This is saying that we're preparing a world for future generations, through our ignorance and arrogance and destructive deeds, where they'll have less and less humanity.

*Joe Bob, in character maybe, is getting bored with the film and thinks it needs a lesbo orgy. Maybe he thinks this will be above the heads of most of the drunk, late night TNT crowd.

*Chuck interrupts a lounge full of sexy ladies, and bums a drink and a smoke from one of them noting, "If I had money, I would smoke 2 or 3 of these everyday." In the seventies that would be a joke for different reasons than it is now. Back then, smokes were cheap, but now, he's right, you would be lucky to afford a pack a day, and soon it will probably be the way it is in this movie.

*Noting that the female character is nothing more than sexy dressing to the scenes and the lives of the men. Like sleak 70s furniture. Kind of like the whores in Game of Thrones.

*Joe Bob points out that Chuck is a feminist because he wanted the female lead to show angst about her situation in life, before taking her to bed. Ha. Touche.

*In this next scene, the governor of New York is taking his family to see the one tree in the state in a hothouse. In current, real news, the mayor of Portland, Oregon, took his family on the parade route of the Rose Parade through downtown Portland after a vicious homeless sweep to get the homeless off the streets so they wouldn't be an ugly reminder during the pretty parade.

*The director is commenting that there is no middle class in this movie. Only the very rich and the very poor. Again, it's where we're heading as a society.

*Joe Bob points out how the police, govt, and the rich would love to use bulldozer garbage trucks to scoop protesters off the street. Wouldn't they!

*One of the first movies to tell the truth of corporations being the new evil of society.

*Another scary dilemma of society in this movie, and possibly where we're heading with governments wanting to take internet freedoms and rights to share dissent away, the small group of humanitarian people are gathered in the one remaining library to read what information that they have left and maybe get down to finding out what the Soylent corporation is truly up to. Modern corporations would love to take our ability away and make us not be able to know what they're up to.

*The euthanization sequence with the sterile setting and the pretty music and pictures. I think it says something about 21st century people and our veal calf lives of pleasure.

*A classic gloom & doom tale about global warming and corporate greed.

*And remember, Chef Boyardee is Soylent Green.

*We end with Joe Bob talking about the next flick, on Monstervision, the Legend of Boggy Creek. And how the director was meticulous about detailing the true accounts of Bigfoot in a Texas/Arkansas swamp. This film was made around the same time as Soylent Green. Again, fast forward to modern day, we have real global issues happening in the world, and corporate channels like AnimalPlanet waste time and viewers' attention on shows like "Finding Bigfoot." History will repeat itself until the apocalypse.

3 stars for Soylent (the movie, not the product) close to 3 stars for the director and actress commentary and more than 2 1/2 stars for Joe Bob

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TV CARNAGE:

*Keep on rocking forever baby boomers!: Roll on with that broken hip. You have medicare.* 2 1/2 stars

*Gullible as shit: Believe anything a trio of Asian gangbanging greasers have to tell you.* close to 2 stars

*Need my medicine: Benji, the dog, and Chuck Norris on a drug bust.* between 2 and 2 1/2

*Mighty Fine Man: You Pay TOO MUCH!* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Pay day: Don't be nervous, 'cause you're gettin' laid.* 1 1/2 stars

---------------------------

Six Feet Under: The Foot *And a heavy hand. I'm once again starting not to like any of these characters (except for the cop; as a person).* close to 2 1/2 stars (biased rating not reflecting quality)

Spicy City: Sex Drive *A Sin City Marv type butts heads with his cop partner. A real crooked dame.* 3 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*Milk is sweet, bro: The cream always rises to the top. So, chew your cud, bud.* 3 stars

*Vitamix - Catch the Vision!: It takes 3 seconds to grind meat and dust mite feces.* 3 stars

*Woman versus computer!: You've pushed the wrong button, bitch!* 3 stars

*BUBBLES!: "They're your friends." If you get high a lot and talk to puppets. It helps.* 2 1/2 stars

*It all ends soon!: Feral agony.* 2 1/2 stars

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"Blue Ice" ---xxx--- (1985) *Nazi exploitation mixed into a noir San Francisco setting. Spliced together with so much grit that one would believe they're back in the 70s at some 42nd St. New York grindhouse theater watching it.* close to 3 stars

---- Memory Hole:

*The power of the Dark Lord: to create zany mishaps at church.* close to 3 stars

*God bless America: that old soft shoe soul of a nation.* 2 1/2 stars

*Real men meow: it's okay to admit it and to be timid about it.* 2 1/2 stars

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Rescue 911 w/ William Shatner: EZ-Mart Hostages vs. Woman with Rifle *Shoppers, redneck cops, & even the gun wielding psycho lady are all saved by a vigilante, female impersonator.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Bad Movie Beatdown: Just Go With It *An angry British guy takes a very anal (no Adam Sandler potty humor pun intended) look at another awful Adam Sandler effort. Just go with it. Lazy, uninspired filmmaking. Just go with it. Awful, horrible people celebrated. Just go with it. Rampant product placement inside the film. Just go with it. The very opposite of funny in a comedy. Just go with it. Movie studios and ticket purchasers paying for millions of dollars exotic vacation for Adam Sandler and his friends in place of an actual movie. Just go with it. And they go.* zero stars for the movie & 2 1/2 stars for the review

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Horror of Party Beach *"The day the mudskippers fought back."* 3 stars with riffing & running from close to 2 stars to close to 2 1/2 stars without riffing

A Haunting: A Haunting In Florida *Home ownership is hair-raising anxiety. Especially on sacred swampland once belonging to Native Americans.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

--- Beach MTV w/ Antonio Sabato, Jr. & Daisy Fuentes (1995):

*I used to have a teenage crush on Daisy.

*Antonio is wearing overalls and a wife beater. Douchebag attire.

*Before social media, everyone loved giving shout outs, especially from the beach.

*Stupid human tricks... First is a back-hand-spring, which is stupid, according to MTV, even though gymnastics takes a lot of talent, dedication, & training.

*Promo for the 1995 MTV Movie Awards hosted by Courtney Cox & Jon Lovitz (Odd couple there) with guests - A Baldwin (not Alec), Cindy Crawford, still a druggie & not an Iron Man Robert Downey Jr., Ice T & Chris Isaak, still an A-list actor Val Kilmer, and america's sweetheart of the time Alicia Silverstone. Performances by Boyz 2 Men, Blues Traveller, TLC & More...

*MTV is sponsored by Sunkist soda, a soda to drink outside, so they claim. Plus there's Eagle Snacks "What You Feed Your Face." (That sounds like a corporate slogan from the world of Mike Judge's Idiocracy).

*A Gen-X couple are on a jungle safari with Jolly Ranchers juicy candy and end up in a jolly rancher candy controlled temple

*"Drink in the waves! Ay! Drink everyone! huh!" A Sunkist commercial with beach party animals pounding 3 liter soda in the surf and dancing around with cases of Sunkist soda. If it was that popular, why is it so obscure now, and rarely seen on store shelves or on tv ads?

*An awesomely surreal Eagle chips ad where a guy scares off his hot date, because he has a creepy, chip munching face in his kitchen cabinets.

*Nothing says "fun in the sun" like a MTV artsy station logo reminder featuring a skeletal, black bird poking blood out of a still beating x-ray of a heart with white background.

*Next week MTV becomes MJTV as Michael Jackson takes over leading up to the premier of he and Janet's Scream video. Scream sucked, but they're also gonna show Thriller. Young ones don't get how big a deal Thriller was. They only played it on special days. There was no Youtube to go watch it on like any video ever. You could maybe own a VHS copy of it, but if you were just casually interested in seeing it, you had to wait.

*"You think you've heard it all? Listen to this!" Blockbuster is holding a sale for all their cd's for $11.99 or less. Even hot & new band Hootie and the Blowfish

*"What do you want?" "BROWNIES!" Duncan Hines "Hot Stuff" Pot sold separately.

*Visa, it's everywhere you want to be. Including the beautiful Pacific Coast Highway

*Arthouse ad for Nike & supposedly the Boys & Girls Club featuring Penny Hardaway's hoop dreams and struggles.

*A year after Kurt Cobain's suicide. Gen X can't mourn forever. So, here we are in South Beach, Miami. Woooooooooo! No more rainy Seattle

*Couples challenge... where a buff Guido (the type who'd get their own MTV show a decade later) guesses that a timid beach-babe looks up to Madonna (no duh! amirite, my sistaz?!) and they are pronounced "hot" by hooting admirers and get to "hook up."

*99 cent Batman Forever collectible glasses with carved images of Jim Carey's Riddler and other characters from the Summer blockbuster are available at McDonalds

*Bass Bomb 1-3 mix cd's from THUMP Records

*MTV News break... someday MSNBC news lady, Alison Stewart, talks about Eddie Vedder having to cancel a concert. Now she's pimping Hillary instead of Eddie

*Antonio & Daisy name drop how cool Dennis Hopper is for some reason. I agree. Can't imagine modern MTV personalities namedropping a badass actor over 40 much less 50

*It's also strange to look back at the era of MTV video disc jockeys. They've gone the way of the dinosaur. Maybe some other music channels still have them, but they're gone from basic cable music channels (which I still have). If you can call them music channels.

*Now, MTV is reality tv and MTV2 (which was supposed to take over as an all music channel when MTV began running mostly shows)... MTV2 is the Wayans Bros. & Martin Lawrence sitcom marathon station. Why this channel programs like this, and is able to survive, is beyond me

*Odd juxtaposition by MTV creative as we go to break with Ice Cube & Dr. Dre's hit song Natural Born Killers booming over images of beach hotties swimming underwater

*Launch Media interactive CD-Rom ad featuring a rip off of the rambling Aussie roadie from Wayne's World

*McDonald's superhero burger. It's what vigilantes obssessed with their parents' deaths eat while crying in their car after breaking a mugger's arm in three places

*Punk show 95, in Long Beach, featuring Sublime, among others, and a lazer light show. I didn't know punks liked that sort of shit. Thought it was only hippies.

*Six Flags Hurricane Harbor water park. I wonder if guys with fake Jamaican accents ever get tired of promoting the fun of whitebread families in vacation commercials

*Someone must have flipped the channel on this tape, because there's an ad for Dr. Katz. Man, I miss Penn as the voice of Comedy Central.

*TIMM, the interactive multi-media monitor for a computer. It even comes with a remote for dummies. Seems silly, but now there's netflix, hulu, xbox live, Twitch, all these apps we pretty much use on our tv in a similar fashion. TIMM might not have caught on, but the idea eventually would.

*One of the Friends (the one with the monkey) signs up for AT&T long distance savings  and flirts, nervously, with the tele-services lady. Lame.

*John Madden is a wizard ogre who can make jocks' feet catch on fire if they don't use his foot fungus healing potion.

*A male hotbody contest followed by a Bryan Adams music video. MTV, barf inducing.

*MTV News Break talking about the upcoming Michael Jackson & Lisa Marie interview with Diane Sawyer. Strange days, indeed.

 2 1/2 stars for Daisy, 1 1/2 stars for Antonio, 1 star for MTV, zero stars for those beach goers, and close to 3 stars for the goofy commercials

-----------------------

Deadpit.com presents Retro Wrestling Night: WCW Beach Blast 1993               (a review) *Just two Kentucky guys talking about wrestling, while in a bedroom, just in their socks.* 2 stars or zero stars for the zero production values and shaky camcorder recording

Predator in Mortal Kombat X (2015) *Whoda thunk that a monster/alien from an 80s action movie would endure interest for two decades? While lesser creatures from the likes of Independence Day & Battlefield Earth reside in purgatory, this ugly son of a bitch creeps through the collective horror / sci fi fan subconscious. Collecting trophy skulls from popular video game characters, like Johnny Cage, and having horror fan dream-match battles versus Jason Vorhees.* 3 stars

"The Slayer" (1982) -uncut- *Edvard Munch paints a portrait of Freddy Krueger.* 3 stars

TV Carnage: Ouch Television My Brain Hurts *"3 weeks ago I was running for president. Now I'm on t.v. with a guy in a bug suit."* close to 3 stars

Red Letter Media presents Scientist Man Explains Terminator Genisys *Marky Mark escapes the ape planet and his tardis crashlands on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial during President Biff Tanner's 2017 inaugural speech. Meanwhile, in the crowd, Travis Bickle bumps into Morpheus who hands him the remote from Adam Sandler's movie Click. He uses it to pause the actors, on the set of Pineapple Express, in 2007(?),  while they're having an existential high moment. Therefore, Rise of the Planet of the Apes never happens. Or does it? Yet? Or it already has...? maybe in another timeline.* 3 stars

--- Phone Losers:

*Church calls - Fart Demon: It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival.* close to 2 stars

*Disabled Postman: Inconvenienced by the impaired.* 2 1/2 stars

*Church prank calls - sex offenders: I'm required, by law, to tell you that I'll be there, on Sunday, in your house of worship, with my parole officer.* close to 3 stars

*Food Stamp Tacos: "Thank you for not making me any."* 2 1/2 stars

*Google streetview - There goes the neighborhood: concerns of the rich.* 2 stars

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WWF Summerslam pre-show (1989) *"A one way trip to the sun" featuring Hulkster, Tiny Lister, Macho Man, Scary Sherri, Brutus the Barber, Ravishing Rick, Andre the Giant, Ultimate Warrior, Bobby the Brain, and Mean Gene. Okay, Gene looks like he'd be a better barber than Brutus would.* 3 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*God's muscle: Have you payed your protection money to the Lord or are you gonna sleep with the fishes?* close to 3 stars

*Join the military!: "I knew it was awesome, but not this awesome!"* 1 star

*Don't trust adults!: Especially the Zucchini Bros. Band.* 2 1/2 stars

*Let's get flairing!: Entertain drunks by juggling.* zero stars

*Bio-magnetic touch healing sensual rubdown: "When in doubt, just touch" the sensitive areas of naked men. "Aloha."* 3 stars

--------------------

"Super Mecha Kucha Happy Fun Monkey Bash DX Part 4" *If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, dip it in wasabi and put it back in skull.* close to 3 stars

"Summer of Tears in American Gladiators" *A sketch comedy group splice themselves into a "classic" & cheesy, reality competition.* 3 stars

"Snog Marry Avoid" season 6 episode 3 *The fashion-nightmare spawn of Boy George meet a fascist, ice-queen robot in a wardrobe.* 2 stars

--- USA Up All Night w/ Rhonda Shear (1992): Summer School Teachers (1974)

*Rhonda is dressed up like a sexy cowgirl at L.A. niteclub Denim & Diamonds

*This is a country/western line dancing bar around the time that "Achy Breaky Heart" (barf) was popular.

*It's nice to see Rhonda twist her hips, though

*Rhonda flirts with some big hunky urban cowboy yuppies

*Rhonda jokingly says that Ross Perot is in Summer School Teachers

*Rhonda recommends football strategy to prevent pregnancy

*Another strong women of the 1970s sex comedy from Corman's New World Pictures.

1 star for the honky tonk 2 1/2 stars for the flick and 3 stars for Rhonda

----------------------

"Summer Beach House" (1980) ---xxx--- *The thing that stands out most in this flick is the dingy yellow color scheme. It's on everything from the walls, furniture, floral bed sheet pattern, lamp shades. Nightmarishly probably still in the never redecorated homes of cat ladies, everywhere, on Dead End St. USA. In the malaise of their nicotine stained reclusive lives, they'd pull back their gown to reveal, to a stranger, a frighteningly wiry figurative pussycat. Also, I wanna comment on old school lady massagers. So white and antiseptic. Like a suppository. Now, dildos are mostly medieval looking & hot pink.* between 1 1/2 & 2 stars

--- Joe Bob's Drive-In (1991): Fred Olen Ray's Beverly Hills Vamp (1989)

*Joe Bob pontificates on what it would have been like if Wilfred Brimley & Regis Philbin, among others, had discovered America

*Drive In Totals... 9 dead bodies.. 11 breasts..

*Jerry Lewis wannabe Eddie Deezen is on the menu for fanged vixens. Highlights: dripping with love for kitschy Hollywood. Priest, producer, secretary, and butler steal the show. Deezen sucks. Bauer seduces as usual. Britt Ecklund underused. Some scenes like with the convenience store lady & motel cleaning lady felt more like the joke was our time watching was being wasted instead of the scene being funny, like it was an injoke on the set (don't do that, Fred). Tim Conway Jr., talented somewhat.

2 1/2 stars for Joe Bob (TMC didn't give him enough time to talk) & running from 1 1/2 to between 2 & 2 1/2 stars for the flick

-------------------

--- Phone Losers:

Dead Lawn Hippies: "My free speech is no to your free speech. I'm a loose cannon and into being organic." close to 3 stars

Convenience Store Confessions: Fine line between anarchy and being an asshole for no reason.* close to zero stars

FedEx Box of Ticks: "I know no one in New Mexico and I didn't order a box full of ticks." 2 stars

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Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke in Sante Fe, New Mexico and Colorado *Riding the sky snake while with dry sinuses.* 3 stars

[hottytoddynews]

I often get the question, what was Mose like at home? My answer to that is, the man you see performing and the man you hear singing those lyrics, that is the man he is was at home.

My dad had no hobbies, did not golf, did not play tennis and did not spend money on a single hobby that I can recall. He spent his time listening to music of all sorts, the stranger the better. He did some yoga stretching in the morning and some Tai Chi that sometimes embarrassed us kids when we had company over. He liked to run at the track in his younger days, then switched to swimming and actually had a schedule of high and low tides for the Long Island Sound; the beach was just a couple miles from home.

Other than that, in his free time, he liked to cook and read books – many books. He made lists of “to read” books on small pieces of paper. Mose read esoteric type books with content about the cosmos, the human brain, books with titles like, “The Fabric of Reality,” “A Field Guide to the Invisible” and “The Nature of the Universe.” And yes, he did play the piano at home, but he only played repetitive hypnotic runs to keep his mind sharp and his fingers limber.

Mose was one of the least material persons I have ever known. He was not one to ever be seen shopping with the exception of grocery shopping. His entire wardrobe took up five feet of space in his closet, most clothing purchases being made by my mom. He called me long distance one time to tell me his luggage was missing and in his luggage contained his only belt. He described the belt to me in detail, hoping I could assist him in finding an exact replacement. I also recall the time my mom replaced our 20-year-old couch with a new one. My dad’s space in the den was at one end of this old couch. The new couch was placed in the den, and the old couch was placed in our foyer by the door awaiting a ride to the local thrift store. When I walked in the door, Dad was sitting on the old couch at his usual space reading his book. Mose eventually warmed to the new couch.

My dad never had much of a record collection. I started buying records when I was 9 years old. I could play a song over 40 times and each time feel a sense of elation. Dad was different, he listened to a song once and it made a connection in his brain, like a mathematical equation, and that was all he needed – that one time. That, to me, is very strange. To this day, I have many favorite songs I still play over and over. With Dad, one listen was all it took.

About receiving awards, I know Mose always has appreciated praise but never let it get to his head. He did not believe in the show off, “look at me,” “I’m great,” attitudes that run so prevalent through the entertainment world. I was with him in Sedona, Arizona when he received a beautiful Lifetime Achievement Award. He smiled and thanked those responsible then handed the award to me and said, “I am not carrying that on the plane.” When I asked him why he did not want to go to the Grammy Awards after he was nominated, he replied, “I don’t believe in renting shoes.” In reality, he may have already been booked at a small club in Des Moines, Ohio, and Mose, after 65 years of what he called, “On the Job Training,” never missed a single gig.

Mose preferred the setting and intimacy of a jazz club, and that is where he really earned a living. The record companies all tried to cash in and make Mose a commercial success. Mose wanted nothing to do with backup girl singers and A&R men arrangements. He wanted to sing his songs his way at the places he liked best. Atlantic tried to get him to Muscle Shoals, Mose declined. Burger King offered him a huge payday for one day’s work. He told me, “I ain’t singing about no hamburger.” Mom was not happy.

I knew a club owner and promoter that told me, “After 35 years of promoting shows, Mose was the only performer to ever to give me money back.” The promoter had paid Mose but lost money on the show. Dad gave him some money back. Why? Because Mose was also interested in keeping his club going so he could keep coming back to play.

In 1989, I accepted a Mississippi Musicians Hall of Fame award on his behalf. Mose had a gig somewhere else that date, so Dad wrote a little something for me to read to the crowd after accepting his award. It read:

There are very few places in the world where a person could have heard as many different kinds of music as I was able to hear growing up in Tippo, Mississippi. Also, the aphorisms, the ironies, the speech patterns with their exaggerations and understatements have served me well and are still a part of my dialogues with myself.

If it takes a village to raise a child, then I was certainly raised by Tippo, Mississippi.

Ten years before Elvis got to Beale Street, Mose had already been there. Getting Zoot suites made for him and performing on keyboards with the BB King Orchestra at Mitchell’s Hotel, a black only club on Beale Street in 1947. Dad told me years ago that he first heard Rock’ n Roll on Beale Street in 1942 from the band Tuff Green and the Rockettes. Mose also remembered hearing a matinee solo performance at the Orpheum Theater by Harmonic legend Sonny Boy Williamson that made a huge impression on him.

Mose was in New York City in 1956 playing piano with the giants of jazz, Jerry Mulligan, Al Cohn, Zoot Simms, Stan Getz and others. After a short time, Mose presented a cassette tape to Prestige Records. The executives at Prestige loved what they heard and immediately had Mose in the studio recording. What Mose gave them was a suite of sketches, songs, evoking the atmosphere of his hometown – Tippo, Mississippi. Mose called it his Cotton Country Suite. The record company renamed it Back Country Suite. Songs from that era included: “Parchman Farm,” “Blues,” “One Room Country Shack,” “Highway 49,” “The Hills,” “Mojo Woman,” “Devil in the Cane Field” and “Creek Bank.”

From that first record, Mose was receiving critical acclaim from audiences and critics alike. Mose went on to record two more albums that same year. It was 1957. Today there are over 50 albums to choose from. My dad wrote over 220 songs. Most folks know four or five. My advice: listen to more Mose!

One of my favorites from Grammy Nominated Album on Blue Note Records, Ever Since The World Ended, is titled “Top Forty.” This song to me represents the way my dad looked at the business of the recording industry.

Top Forty By Mose Allison

When I make my Top 40 Smash hit Rock ‘n’ roll record Everything is gonna be just fine When I make my Top 40 Smash hit Rock ‘n’ roll disc I’ll be the record company’s valentine No more philosophic melancholia Eight hundred pounds of electric genitalia When I make my Top 40 Smash hit Rock ‘n’ roll record Everything’s gonna be just fine When I make my fuzz tone Wah-wah Synthesized record Everything is gonna be just grand When I make my fuzz tone Wah-wah Synthesized disc I’ll have to get myself a moving van Costume, hairdo, made up cute A personal connection in a business suit When I make my fuzz tone Wah-wah Synthesized record Everything is gonna be just grand When I make my dynamite Heavy soul Freaked out record Everything is gonna be just swell When I make my dynamite Heavy soul Freaked out disc I’ll be living it up pell mell Mountain top hide away Three-car garage Out there hustlin’ that sonic massage When I make my Top 40 Big beat Heavy soul Freaked out Solid gold Synthesized Rock ‘n’ roll record Everything is gonna be just fine

When my dad passed, he was comfortable and with family. We each got to kiss him, tell him we love him and that it was okay to let go, go home. So he did. No one gets out alive. Dad was 89 and his was a life well lived. I only feel very fortunate and grateful to have had such a cool dad. I get to ride the turnrows of Mississippi and listen to Mose and I can do that till the day I “go home.”

Finally, a reporter once asked Dad, “You were socially relevant before Dylan, satirical before Newman and rude before Jagger. How come you are not a big star?” Dad simply and honestly replied, “Just lucky I guess.”

WAS by Mose Allison

When I become was and we become were Will there be any sign or a trace of the lovely contour of your face And will there be someone around With essentially my kinda sound When am turns to was and now is back when Will someone have moments like this Moments of unspoken bliss And will there be heroes and saints Or just a dark new age of complaints When I become was and we become were Will there be any Susans and Ralphs Lookin’ at old photographs And wondering aloud to a friend What was it like to be then

By John Allison

For questions, comments, or if you would like to contribute your own Reflections story, send it (along with photos) to hottytoddynews@gmail.com.

The post Reflections: A Few Words About My Dad, Mose Allison appeared first on HottyToddy.com.