#I rotated this while i was out and about …. very happy to answer < 33

[fllagellant]

Hi, Julek! For the character ask meme: Geralt of Rivia? 👀

Ohhh I would LOVE any excuse to talk about Geralt thank you Steph

First impression: I saw Geralt a lot before I got into the Witcher, no big surprise there . Usually just in passing glances , seeing a piece of fanart there and having him passively mentioned there . When I actually started to grow a want to get into the Witcher, I already knew he was a leading character and that he seemed interesting enough . I thought he looked cool , I thought he seemed like an enjoyable fella . My first actual proper introduction was the first Witcher game , in all its 2007 graphics glory . And I felt sorry for the poor sucker . He still seemed cool and interesting but now I also just felt bad for him . Like damn …. We not letting him rest a SECOND

Impression now : oooooooohh he’ s just so . I believe indigenous men can do no wrong and Geralt is the poster child for this belief . He’ s so incredibly strong , in all definitions of the word . He’ s building his own future and building futures worth living in . His growth is for himself and for his daughter . He made sure Ciri grew up surrounded by a diverse and loving community . He’ s one of the most important characters to me . My top dog . My big cheese . My pookie . My blorbo even . All aspects of who he is and why he is the way he is ….. wagh . Enough to bring me to my knees . He is the Character Ever .

Favorite moment : JUST ONE ? Ok whatever I Guess . One of the scenes I mention often to my friends is in The Witcher 3 when Geralt returns to Kaer Morhen and has a night of drinking with Lambert and Eskel . Goes as smoothly as you’d imagine it would . They play never have I ever btw . If you even care . It is genuinely a scene I look forward to playing through even if I’ ve seen it a million times before . Makes me laugh and smile and it’ s a nice break from the Everything Else .

Idea for a story : Ok um there are Many . One I’ ve been planning to write is Geralt + co fixing and rebuilding Kaer Morhen and the land around it so that they can have a safe location to fall back on and also so that all Witchers actually have a proper Keep again to be safe in . We got Geralt in the back mixing up cement

Unpopular opinion : I do not care at all I hate the Netflix Geralt I hate that so much . Every day I am exposed to the Netflix adaptation and it causes my life expectancy to tank . As a serious criticism of the adaptation it feels like the Netflix team fell for the in universe anti Witcher propaganda when writing for Geralt . So his characterization becomes a caricature instantly . It is just very poor understanding of the source material being presented as a new and improved adaptation . This feels unpopular but idk maybe I am wrong

Favourite relationship : Stop making me choose . All of the relationships Geralt has with the people close to him are so sweet and beautiful . But for this I will list the family unit of Geralt , Yennefer , Ciri and Dandelion . A small girl and her two weird dads and her weird mom . They learn how to heal through each other and make sure nothing trickles down to Ciri . He genuinely loves them and they all love him and both Yennefer and Dandelion would do anything to keep him and Ciri safe and he do the exact same thing for them … wah

Favourite headcanon : his autism bewitched me . Also as a fun Julek Witcher Rewrite Lore teaser ; He has an arm sleeve tattoo dedicated to the Leshen . He regularly touches it up himself , and carried the needed materials on his person at all times . This also means he has given some of his closest companions small tattoos and has touched up other Witchers tattoos that art dedicate to their keep specific monster

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | one.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, eventual smut

—word count: 4.2k

—warnings: cussing/mature language, this is gonna start off kinda slow but i promise it'll get spicier lol, say hello to the rest of the professors in this fic ouweeee 🤪, some general bioengineering research terms, very vague mentions of mice research work, more of a glimpse into the yunho x san x iseul dynamic

—a/n: i'm also working on wooyoung's mini series so pls check it out! the next update will prob go up soon! ily <33

"Did you figure out your rotation for this quarter?" You walk alongside Jiung as you head to the Harvey Center, where Professor Choi's lab is located. Both you and Jiung had just finished up walking around campus to get your steps in, but to also check out the classrooms for all your upcoming classes this quarter and pick up books at the bookstore. Most of your classes were in familiar buildings, while two were entirely new. 

"Yeah, I gotta meet with one more professor then I think I can send off my final decision." You nod. Jiung is holding his bag of books and yours, not wanting you to haul them around campus with how heavy they can get.

"That's good."

"Yeah, hope so." He repeats. "Are you meeting with the other professors this week just to see if you wanna rotate in any of them instead?"

"Mhm. All in one week. I guess it makes it easier on me since I don't have to wait on anyone. I can decide by end of the week."

"Are you seeing them in person?"

"Just Professor Choi and Professor Kim. Everyone else said Zoom." Jiung nods.

"Wow, Professor Kim in person?"

"I heard he really values in person meetings." You chuckle. "Which is nice? Maybe it's cause he's the department chair."

"That, too. He just seems like that kinda person, though. He's super active in all the events."

"Truth." 

"Did you like rotating in Professor Bahng's lab last quarter?"

"I did. He was really cool. People in his lab are cool, too. I just.. I don't know? I didn't have a specific project I could focus on. Felt like I'd have trouble fitting myself in there and finding something to work off of. Everyone was great though, don't get me wrong. Just didn't click for me." 

"Makes sense. You wanna be happy and feel like you can thrive somewhere."

"Yeah, exactly. Plus, after talking to Sunwoo and Belle, I think my interests lie more in Professor Choi's lab." You look down at the bags before looking at the Harvey Center ahead of you. "You know you don't have to wait for me, Jiung. You can go to the apartment if you want."

"Nah, I'll wait. I don't have shit to do anyway." You swing the front doors open and Jiung instantly plops down on a free chair near the lobby doors. "I'll be here."

"Shit, I just realized I think his office is downstairs in the basement. I don't know if I have access."

"Where's Sunwoo or Belle?" You quickly pull out your phone and try to dial Sunwoo or Belle to help you. Unlucky for you though, none of them answer.

"I guess they aren't here for the day yet. They didn't pick up." You sigh. "Why didn't I think about this early on?!"

"Relax. It's fine! Poke your head around, I'm sure someone is there to let you in." You pucker your lips in dismay, hoping it doesn't cause any issues and make you late for your meeting. You should've asked for assistance in the first place, but it kinda blew over your head when Professor Choi responded quicker than you expected.

"Welp. Let's hope I don't fuck this up already." Jiung pats your head.

"You won't." You wave to him before heading into the elevators, down to the basement level of the building. It's quiet, and you don't see many people walking around despite it being close to 10am. As you approach the door to the basement, you peek into the window to try and catch a glimpse of anyone passing by in the visible hallway. To your luck, the hallway is dead and there doesn't seem to be any moving heads in any of the nearby lab rooms. You let out a sigh and take out your phone, wondering if you should just email Professor Choi to ask for assistance.

No, maybe someone will pass by in the next 5 minutes.

Give it 5 more minutes, then panic and email.

You tippytoe and peek through the window once more, muttering small curses to yourself for being so unprepared with your meeting. Now, he's probably going to think you can't—

"Y/N?" You turn to see Professor Choi behind you with a soft smile on his face. He's dressed in a grey turtleneck, black slacks and boots— large silver square-shaped frames sitting on the bridge of his nose. He has his hands in his pockets, a heavy leather bag slung on his shoulder. You're surprised he even knows it's you; then again, who else would be peeking into the basement at this time?

"Oh my god, hi—sorry." You pause, slightly embarrassed having Professor Choi catch you looking through the door's window the way you were. "I just realized I didn't have basement access so I was trying to see if anyone was around before bothering you."

"All good. Perfect timing, hm?" He taps his badge against the reader and swings the door open. "After you." You give him a curt bow as a thank you, slowly walking into the basement hallway. San trails behind you, and he takes note of the way you're dressed. You're in some wide-leg white jeans, a cream colored vest and some black platform loafers. It's cute, really. He gives you another toothless smile when you stop in your tracks and wait for him to lead the way. Hopefully, he didn't catch your eyes when you quickly skimmed his outfit again— he was tall and he was well-built, it was very obvious with that turtleneck he had on. He smells of a woody cologne, mixed with notes of jasmine and patchouli. It's not overbearing, but it definitely makes its presence known next to you. "How's your day been?" He asks and you just nod.

"It's been alright. I just went to pick up my books at the book store, explored around campus to make sure I knew where my classes were at. There's a few buildings I haven't had class in."

"That's good. Getting prepared for the quarter well I see." 

"Trying to, at least." He chuckles as he does an abrupt turn to the right and swings a door open. You follow him into another office space, where desks are lined up amongst each other. You find a few people sitting around, typing away on their desktops. It's too bad Sunwoo or Belle wasn't around. You'd probably feel a bit less nervous seeing their faces before the meeting.

"What's up, Professor Choi!" One of his lab members calls out. San does a quick nod and throws up a wave just as he unlocks his office door and steps inside. 

"Come in." He holds the door open for you once again. "Sorry it's a bit messy. I'm all over the place with these progress reports and finalizing class details."

"No worries! Honestly doesn't look messy to me." You look around seeing a stack of papers on his desk. Otherwise, everything is neat. He's got all his awards framed up and lined along the back wall. Books on shelves near his desk. A couch off to the side wall with two small pillows. A small coffee table. A mini fridge. Two chairs for guests at his desk. It's roomy, but not super roomy.

It smells like his cologne.

"Have a seat." He pulls out one of the two chairs directly in front of his desk. You sit and place your bag down on the ground, fixing yourself as Professor Choi sets his bag down and sits at his computer chair. "Gotta apologize again, it's my first meeting of the day so I don't have everything out and ready."

"No need to apologize, I get it." You chuckle and he smiles. 

"Your CV was really impressive." He says as he's pulling up said CV. He's looked at it enough times to have a photographic memory of it, which is the first for him. Right away, he can tell you'd work well in his lab. You have a good head on your shoulders, smart. Can contribute a lot. He just knows sometimes.

"Thank you." You smile and it makes San's smile grow bigger. 

"So, why do you wanna explore those areas? Tell me a little bit more about your experience with everything. Computational analysis, mice, 2P and opto-stim-neural circuit work. All that good stuff." He sits back a bit, his full attention now on you instead of your CV on the screen. You feel your hands get a 'lil clammy the more his eyes focus on you, your lips feeling a 'lil more dry than usual. Shit, he is attractive.

"Sure!" You quickly shake off the nerves and begin to tell him about your experience and interest in bioengineering. It all started when the field was briefly introduced to you in high school, and your curiosity grew to enormous levels when you found a few schools that had the specific undergrad program available. You've talked to a few seniors about their experiences, like Sunwoo, before solidifying your decision to move forward with the major. You tell him how you took a break after graduation to get some more hands-on experiences through two internships and a full-time job, working on in-vitro mice work, computational analysis and building and maintaining 2P microscopes. Then, you realized you really wanted to get back on track and pursue your graduate studies. You tell him about your rotation in Professor Bahng's lab last quarter and how you enjoyed it, but you were having trouble figuring out how you'd fit in the lab. When you talked to Sunwoo a little more about what he's been up to in Professor Choi's lab, your interest in opto-stim peeked, having been Professor Choi's niche. 

It's a nice, easy conversation. You find that Professor Choi isn't as intimidating as you thought. He chimes in with questions every now and then, making it a smooth two-way convo.

"Ah, Professor Bahng? That's my guy right there. Learned lots from him." You chuckle.

"He's brilliant."

"He is, he really, really is." He nods. "But I totally get it, it's good to experience things in order for you to understand what you really want or how to spend your time wisely."

"Exactly." You tilt your head and look at him. "That's pretty much it for me, though. Your work is great. I'm really interested in learning more and diving deep into opto-stim. I know the basics, but haven't gotten a chance to work with it. Sunwoo's project seems to encompass a lot of that, along with the other aspects I've worked with." 

"That's right. His project has been on a roll, same thing with Belle's. I can see you working between the both of them, most of your time with Sunwoo, though. I think you'll fit the best with his, and I can see a lot of potential avenues coming out of it. He's been asking for some help, too." He chuckles. "Why don't you talk to Sunwoo and Belle a little more? Then all four of us can meet in the next couple of days to finalize project ideas and details. Should be good to start the rotation afterwards if it all goes smoothly." Your eyes light up.

"Really? I-I mean, yes. I'll do that."

"Mhm. Let me know when you're ready? Just send me an another email."

"Thank you, Professor Choi." He smiles at you.

"You're very welcome. Do you have any other questions?" You look at him, head tilting out of curiosity.

"Um, not for the project. It's something more personal, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Go for it." He leans back again and rests his clasped hands on his lap.

"Why did you pursue this field?" San is having to pause because out of all the times he's met with students, people [besides formal interviews], no one has asked him that question. No one has asked him directly— people like to assume they know him because his name is out there, but not once has anyone asked about his experience.

"Hm." He hums. "It's probably gonna sound a little cliché and everything, so don't judge me." You giggle and shake your head. "It just felt like my calling? Kinda like you." When he smiles, you find yourself captivated by his dimples. They make everything about his smile so captivating and so, so charming. "I think you might know this already, but my dad was a biology professor. He always told me to challenge myself and think outside the box, and I think the early exposure to his career definitely shaped my path. He'd share his knowledge with me and try to ask me tricky questions. Make me think about what's around me, how things can be improved. Better understood. Then, I learned about bioengineering and tried to better understand it. Open new avenues for things that haven't been studied well yet. Just took lots of risks and tried things out. Failed lots of times before getting the hang of things."

"That's amazing. Your parents must be really proud."

"I hope so." He laughs. "Thanks for asking."

"Oh, no. Thank you. I wasn't sure if I overstepped with that question."

"What? No way. You're actually the first to ask and I appreciate that."

"Oh?" Is all you manage to get out, confused as to why he would say that. Has no tried to ask about him or get to know him a little better? Maybe it was just you, but you definitely thought building good, personal connections would bring more advantages than not— first and foremost, bringing comfort and ease, especially to any new environment. Who would wanna work in an awkward, tense setting?

"I mean it." San laughs. "I appreciate it. It's nice when people take a second to view me as a human and not a robot who is constantly churning work." 

"Course." The both of you maintain eye contact for a bit and it makes you feel so, so nervous that he's just looking at you. And he kinda is just looking at you. Observing you. He finds himself admiring your look once more; the hair, your smile, your nails. Cute. He knows he shouldn't, but truthfully, he can't really help himself when a beautiful woman is in front of him in general. He is a man, and a man who enjoys eye candy. "Anyway, I know you're probably booked and busy today, so let me get going."

"You're okay. I don't have anything until the next 30 mins, don't feel the need to rush."

"No, it's okay. I should totally let you be." You stand and smile at him as you sling the strap on your shoulder and tuck your bag close. "Thank you again, Professor Choi. I'm excited for what's to come."

"Me too. It'll be great, I know it." He stands, hands in his pockets as he follows you towards the door.

"Thanks." You turn to look at him, and he's not too far from you. "See you soon.. over Zoom?" You assume that since the basics and introductions are out of the way, it'll probably be more convenient for Professor Choi to do a Zoom meeting. Lo and behold, he surprises you with a: 

"In person would be nice." He smirks a bit. He does enjoy his in person meetings; they're more productive that way.

"Are you sure? I don't wanna waste your time."

"Never." He shrugs a bit. "I mean it. It's always better to talk in person, anyway." 

"I agree." You smile at him once more, hand on his door handle. "See you soon."

"Have a good one, Y/N. Feel free to email me if anything comes up."

"Appreciate it." You give him one last look before you swing the door open and find Sunwoo just about to settle down at his desk.

"Y/N! Professor Choi! Assuming it went well and I'll get the help I've been begging for?" San laughs.

"Yeah. I asked Y/N to talk to you and Belle about potential projects and to email me once she's ready so we can all meet and finalize details."

"Good with me." 

"Good with me, too." San gives you both a small, toothless smile before walking back into his office. "So, how'd it really go?"

"Good." You approach Sunwoo's desk. "He's not as intimidating as I thought. Kinda. Really laid back, though."

"Yeah, he's super chill and easy going. Super supportive. You'll enjoy it here." He waves his phone. "Sorry I missed your call earlier."

"I forgot I didn't have access into the basement."

"How'd you get in?"

"Professor Choi saw me peeking through the basement door window." Sunwoo snorts.

"Amazing first impression." You playfully pinch his bicep.

"Hate you." You pout. "I'm nervous."

"For what, dude?" He laughs. "I promise you, it's not that bad at all. As long as you put in the work and do what you need to do, everything will play out fine."

"What if I don't get into the lab post-rotation?"

"Don't say that." Sunwoo smiles. "You'll be good. Promise. You're smart and hardworking."

"We'll see. Maybe you'll realize how much of a pain in the ass I am when we work together."

"True." You glare at him and he laughs. "Kidding. Ready for classes to start soon?"

"No."

"That's the spirit." You chuckle. "Anyway, let me know when you're free this week. We can walk around the lab while we talk about projects. Belle is usually here around the same time I am so I'm sure we can grab her whenever." You nod. At this point, Chris and Yeosang walk into the room, the two in good spirits and engaging in lively conversation right before knocking on San's door. 

"Okay. I'll text you later, then. I gotta get back to Jiung, I left him upstairs."

"I saw." He chuckles and salutes just as he diverts his attention to the data on his desktop computer.

"Hi Professor Bahng, Professor Kang." You smile at them in passing and they nod in response.

"Hey Y/N! Nice to see you around these parts." Professor Bahng says with that usual happy tone of his. Professor Kang is a little more shy, but never fails to acknowledge you with a smile or soft 'hello.' Chris presses his ear to the door before laughing and swinging the door open, greeting San as casually as they can before the door shuts.

"Whattup!" Chris plops onto San's couch while Yeosang takes the other end.

"Nothing much. Just finished my meeting with the rotation student. You know her, actually."

"Oh, Y/N? Yeah! She's crazy smart. Think she'll do some good work in your lab." San nods.

"So, what's the plan you wanted to talk about?"

"I need to start planning the symposium for one of the grants. It needs to happen within the next month. Was hoping you can help us, give us a few tips? Maybe do a talk?"

"Where are you planning to do it?"

"Right next door at the Acacia Center, was hoping one of the huge conference rooms would be open."

"Probably the best place to do it because they can cater for the event, too."

"Who else can we recruit to do a talk, though?" Yeosang sits back and lets out a sigh. "Jongho?"

"Try seeing if Namjoon is free, that'll definitely draw some people." They all laugh in unison knowing Namjoon's power. "And make sure you do the whole email blast with flyers everywhere. Let people pass it along."

"Yeah, okay. But, also, don't hate me." Christopher looks at San with an awkward smile. San knows though, he knows very well what he's hinting at.

"We've already talked about this. I don't care."

"I know, but still. You're one of my good friends and I'd hate to put you in an uncomfortable position."

"Well, Yunho is always gonna be there and I don't expect things to change. We're always gonna have to work together despite what happened."

"I don't know how you do it, I'm sorry." Yeosang says, slightly shaking his head as he sinks into the couch a little more. 

"I agree. You're strong, man."

"I have no choice." San laughs. "Besides, I stopped letting that consume me a long time ago. It's none of my concern anymore. As long as I can get my shit done without issues and minimal contact, I couldn't care less."

"That's real, honestly." Chris lets out a breath. "Well, I'm gonna ask him to do a talk."

"Go for it. Will probably be good for the grant, too." San sighs. He meant it when he said he stopped letting the entire thing consume him a long time ago. And he does have to interact with Yunho whether he likes it or not; it's not like he's gonna give everything up just because he can't stand some petty drama from the past. Besides, he promised Namjoon he was okay. He promised he wouldn't cause issues even though Namjoon didn't expect any. But, it did hurt. He's not gonna lie— there are days when he still questions everything and he wonders why things unfolded the way it did. 

He just knows better now, and can actually brush it off without it affecting his mood, his surroundings.

"I gotta keep going through my list of people."

"I can ask around, too." San says. "Do you want me to see if the big conference room is free?"

"Yeah, please?" Chris laughs. "They give you everything."

"No, they don't." San rolls his eyes with a chuckle. 

"Damn near." Yeosang adds.

"Any of your lab members wanna do a poster presentation?"

"Uh." San shuts his eyes in thought for a second. "Let me ask, I think Yoon might have some good data to present."

"Okay, let me know." San nods. "You guys free for lunch later?"

"12:30, maybe?" Yeosang stands and looks at his watch. "I gotta get to my next round of meetings 'till then."

"Same. Text me where to meet?" Chris stands and nods before throwing up the peace sign.

"Will do. Thanks for the tips and for looking into the room."

"I'll let you know what they say." Both Christopher and Yeosang nod just as they walk out of his office and leave him to his peace. He makes a note to send an email after his next meeting about the room and catering, knowing how hard it can be to reserve a room within a month's time frame at this campus. He'll do what he can to help Chris, though— that's one of his good friends and somebody who didn't turn their back on him after everything that's happened. Even Yeosang, Mingi, Jongho. Namjoon. Of course, everyone works great together. Everyone is civil when they need to be. But San knows if he ever needed them, they'd be there for him in a heartbeat. 

They'd be the people he could turn to without question.

When it comes time for lunch, San is barely getting out of his meeting at 12:30pm. He finds Chris, Yeosang and Mingi at the café right across the way from the Harvey Center, falling in line with them just as it grows during the lunch hour rush. They grab their food and plop down at a shaded table off to the side, greeting a few familiar faces and passing students.

"What's up?" Yunho passes, nodding at the table and giving Chris' shoulder a quick massage. Iseul follows behind, not paying the group any mind. Yeosang, Mingi and Chris share their own 'hello's,' while Yunho and San continue to play the silent treatment with each other. Yes, San will work with Yunho if he needs to. He'll be civil, he'll act like nothing ever happened. He'll act like their relationship wasn't severed after everything that went down. But, if he's out here minding his business, eating lunch with friends— he'd rather not bump into Yunho and Iseul and make any small talk. Simply just cause. He's done a lot of work to get past that and he doesn't want anything to do it with anymore.

"Anyway." Mingi says, making Chris snort.

"Anyway. Ya'll trying to hit the gym sometime tomorrow?"

"I'm down." San says, scrolling through his phone. He'll scratch some time out of his evening to hit the gym since it's been a few days  since his last gym session. At least, he plans to finalize his class schedule before end of the day today— he'll have a little more breathing room once he submits that to the department.

"No way, you're not serious!" Your voice echoes as you exit the café, laughing along with Jiung and Felix over Felix's random encounter that he was giving you details about. San diverts his attention to your group, recognizing the outfit, the voice. He sips on his drink and continues to watch the smile on your face build, the animated hand gestures you use, the way you so attentively listen to every word your friends are telling you. Oddly enough, he finds that seeing you is a good distraction. He feels a little more relaxed post-5 second Yunho and Iseul encounter, a small subtle smile creeping up on his lips when he sees you throw your head back in laughter. It's soothing.

That's probably the moment he realizes you are enticing.

And to be honest, he's not understanding why he feels a certain pull to you; it's so uncommon and so, so foreign, to him. He doesn't even think he felt this way when he first started dating Iseul. Don't get him wrong— he did love her, he did feel the usual giddiness, the honeymoon phase, all of the above. Everything progressed as naturally as it could with that time. 

But with you, he's finding a certain itch. He's not sure how to relieve himself, especially when he knows he shouldn't. He can't. 

It'll be trouble having you around, he's very aware of that. It'll be a test for him, the boundaries he creates to make sure you both don't cross that line.

He can't.

Still doesn't mean he won't.

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @angelqueendom

[kurooscopy]

HAPPY 2 YEAR MIDNIGHTS ANNIVERSARY ADA!! 💙🕰️ im so aaaah that it's been two years of this album already

i have afew questions for you to celebrate the aoty midnights ♡

1. what were your top 3 songs on your first listen of the album

2. what are the 3 songs that have grown on you the most (any songs you thought were overrated at first but you ended up loving after multiple listens?)

3. if you had to pick ONE 3am edition song, which would you pick?

4. any fun memories surrounding the release of midnights? or any memories that you have about the album itself?

5. and finally, tell me your top 3 songs from midnights as of right now!!

sorry i went overboard teheheheh i love u

EMMM i'm so glad we can always scream about cat lady together hehehe i can't believe it's been 2 years already !!! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY 💙💙

omgee these questions look so fun, time to put my thinking cap on 🙂‍↕️ yap under the cut !

i'm gonna exclude the 3am tracks from the first listen BUT.. - MAROON !!!! fell in love the second i heard it - yoyok :(( <3 - weirdly mastermind?? idk it just rlly clicked i love it

idk if i found any overrated but i defs have some underrated faves that have grown on me !! - midnight rain, espc once the tour started and she does the little face/pose after "except for when i'm on tv" >u< - question? !!!!! AHHH i enjoyed it at first but a while ago it just Clicked it's saurr good - glitch ! took me a little while but i quite like it now :33

UGHH I HATE U FOR THIS HSFGDK ..i think would've could've should've tbh, i feel like that'd be a popular answer but for very good reason bc it's an amazing song !! obligatory shoutout to the great war in close second <33

ohhhh i was in the middle of my final hs exams when it dropped, so there were definitely some memories but i probably wouldn't describe them as fun dfhgdhfkd yoyok carried my mental state single-handedly for like a whole 6 weeks LMAOO i do remember i also had work the night it came out and i had to clock on like an hour after it dropped which was soooo annoying >:(( i listened up to bejeweled in the car and then had to go scream to my coworker about it from across the pool dhjgdfjkd

and finally my current top 3... EEK the hardest question of all - maroon never leaves the rotation i fear i can't live without her - yoyok... never leaves the rotation i fear i can't live without her (help this is literally just my first list HAHA i get everything right the first time !!) - ok i WILL change the third spot bc it's getting summery over here and that means it's karma season !! she's going back on the roster i love a karma summer moment hehe

[skzms]

Hello, 🐝 here, twice in one day; there must be something in the air, especially with you churning out those delicious ask drabbles.. I can't tell you how excited I am for the Changbin body worship one-shot, because I am a Changbin simp FIRST and a person SECOND. All I want in this life is to give Binnie the strap and grope his perfect tits while I'm at it. I respect that he doesn't wanna show us his belly, but I need to kiss it until he sees it as the treasure it is.. THAT BEING SAID, please don't feel pressured to write anything in any certain order; or at any certain pace; this is supposed to be fun, and your wellbeing takes priority, always 💗

That ask about sucking Binnie's titties.. I'm gonna be rotating that in my mind for a WHILE. I'm working on a ChangJin fic right now, first thing I've ever written for this fandom, and there's a part where Hyunjin fantasizes about licking a drop of sweat off Binnie's meaty pec.. *cut to clueless Bin in the background yelling "Hyunjin-aaahh! Why won't you return my love!!"* Your incredible writing is fueling my fire; I think I may actually finish this fic 🙏 (and don't feel guilty about not answering asks right away; you should see my e-mail inbox at work, and they pay me) - 🐝

hi darling!! oh my GOD the way I relate to "I am a Changbin simp FIRST and a person SECOND" you have NO idea, I actually can't think about him for too long without going extremely delulu

and I appreciate your care and your kind words so much ❤️‍🔥 it's always difficult because I want to write so badly and then there's limited time and also so many people who love specific things and I want to write for myself and for y'all so it's just lkasdlskfhadk it's a LOT - but I will continue to do my very best and be happy with that

that being said, YOU WRITE!!! I'M SO EXCITED!! if you finish that fic? please please link me, even if it's just me, I'd love to read it! changjin is such a god tier pairing and one we do not get enough of on here. also hyunjin being a dirty boy is my fav, we all know that, so I'm already sold

you got this ✨ I'm sending you SO MANY good writing vibes ✨ remember to always write what you love and just focus on the fact that it's meant to be fun! don't be your own worst critic and just enjoy the process <3

ily mwah mwah thank you for being kind and patient and lovely and everything else <33

[pastelpaperplanes]

hey, i really like your art and love the way you draw cybertronians! i have a question if you don't mind me asking, do you have any advice on drawing cybertronians? especially in the tfa style?

YES!! ABSOLUTELY I DO!!!

if it’s not already obvious which style/continuity is my fav (coughCOUGH tfa) then this long ass answer will surely tell you

The speciality of tfa I’d probably pinpoint on the fact that most if not all of the designs have the most ‘organic’ look compared to IDW or TFP per say.

Everyone is super simplified but still recognized by either icons key features or colors, their edges are simplified or smoothed, practically no one is made primarily of boxes, and each and every character can easily be named by looking simply at their silhouette—even the characters that are made from the same model.

Despite all this it’s also by far the most basic, yes unique transformers style, which I think is incredibly impressive and CLEVER so big kudos to djw and his team!

I’ve seen a lot of recommendations against this what drawing transformers—but for me my go-to when drawing a tfa bit is to sketch an overly simplified human base, then exaggerate from there, because honestly there’s not as much ‘breaking down’ or angles/perspective when it comes to building out the armor in tfa as there would be for smth like G1 or IDW

Cuz like I mentioned earlier I think tfa is the most organic looking style. Fairly rarely are there boxy thighs, ridged necks, or blocky torsos—if anything many characters look like they could be packing muscle underneath their armor! So yes for me starting with a humanesque base for tfa

These more organic bases aren’t all there is though of course. While Optimus looks like he has a stocky core build, Swindle looks like he has a Flat Stanley origin story. Or while Prowl has very slim and defined limbs (probably has the most humanly proportionate frame), Oilslick looks like he’s been sent through a radioactive taffy stretcher. Tfa does a great job of having very basic guidelines that are stretched thinly to what a lot of the times makes sense to the character’s personality as well

Body build/body language and carefully crafted palettes are what really brings out the personality of a character BEFORE you dive into their bio. Tfa immediately jumps into these key design components that are recognizable from the get go, honestly I think it makes the characters all that more lovable.

For example, just by looking at Prowl you’d assume that automatically we are looking at that team emo, OR voice of reason on his team. His lanky frame and darker/muted palette suggest that he is serious and calculating/not one to pick a fight IMMEDIATELY as his spindly figure doesn’t look like it can take much damage—but can absolutely move stealthily, quick as hell

And then we look at Bee. Our dear yellow ass eyesore of a bot who is built looking like he’s prepped for one hell of an adrenaline junky fueled crash with that padding and obnoxious palette that screams happy-go-lucky all bright and loud

So yes just colors and body builds tell us a lot about those two characters and that’s not even touching on alt mode or design patterns >:33 tfa is so FUNNNNN

eh with tfa I’ve just seen how most often times color palettes are generally maxed out at 5 colors, and there’s a rotation of one to three unique designs placed about the characters

Bee has solid colors and a massive focus on stripes all around, eye catching and sporty!

Blitzwing has duller colors and sturdy/blocky rectangles all around like his canons and pouches, the ‘hat and pants’ combo is a nod to an aviator’s uniform—he’s must be a strong as hell military grade flier bot!

Sentinel is shiny as hell and streamlined like a picture perfect poster soilder boy, he’s built like the iconic ‘triangle shaped’ weight lifting monster of a superhero, but his rigid uniformity and ‘perfection’ absolutely leans towards looking snobby and and rule-oriented.

Overall, when it comes to drawing tfa or making a tfa character—pay attention to simplified but meaningful colors, builds, nods to their (sometimes connected to their personality) alt mode—and you’ll do just fine.

I’ve done my best to take these observations into my own designs! A lot of my OCs are fan children—so keep in mind I’ve had it VERY easy in terms of ehh a base to start with seeing as I’ve pulled their design from two official designs and merging them where I see fit

Like examples would be my characters Papillon and Firstwatch. Papi is delicate and slim like a butterfly (hence the name) but his sharp angles and dark but rich palette suggests he’s a conniving little bastard. Firstwatch is buff but soft colored and ROUND, made to look like a gentle giant, a teddy bear even suggestive we’re looking at a soft-spoken sweetheart

Even then!!!! Tfa is not at all rule oriented in design, go ham and have fun with proportions and those randomized palettes!! Haha pls what I’ve observed on how tfa goes about their designs should be taken w a grain of salt, maybe Bee’s highlighter color is not that deep and maybe Sentinel has thigh highs because he LIKES them and not just for a perfect soldier look

Best advice I’d have for TFA would be cram as much personality as you can into your designs/posing/expressions as you can according to the character because they sure as hell have plenty to give! Use those organic shapes to your advantage. Tfa’s basic designs are simplified as hell—you can have a blast stylizing them the more you drawn the characters!!

[musings-from-mars]

For @a-real-human-person-not-fake’s birthday: Reader x Emerald x Jaune

Reader uses they/them

~~~

You remember getting out of bed that morning and showering. You remember lugging your suitcase down the apartment steps and loading it into the car. You remember getting situated in the backseat and you remember what you ordered at the drive thru bagel place down the road. But you don’t remember falling asleep, and you certainly don’t remember lying your head on Jaune’s shoulder. But that’s exactly how you wake up, with a crick in your neck and cold drool smeared on your cheek.

You don’t remember the sun being up before you had fallen asleep either.

“Good morning.” Jaune’s voice helps you return to consciousness as you sit back upright, rubbing your eyes clumsily with your knuckles. Jaune smiles at you, but you barely notice as you continue to blink your sleepy blurriness and the morning sunlight out of your eyes.

“Did sleepyhead finally wake up?” Emerald asks from her position in the driver’s seat. She had called dibs to be the first in the driving rotation. You three had agreed to trade off driving responsibilities every two hours to avoid fatigue, so you figured you hadn’t been asleep for too terribly long since Emerald is still the one captaining the hatchback. Your vision is clear enough now to be able to tell the time from the dashboard clock: 7:33. You three had been on the road for an hour-and-a-half, and save for the short amount of time it took you to scarf down your snickerdoodle bagel, you’d been asleep that whole time.

“I...think so?” Jaune answers Emerald with a chuckle, placing a gentle hand on your wrist. “You feeling up to driving in a little bit, sweetheart?”

You freeze for a moment when he touches your arm, then you look up at him. You stare blankly at his soft smile for a moment, then glance at his shoulder, which had just been your pillow. “Oh fuck, I drooled all over you,” you mutter, feeling embarrassed.

Jaune just shrugs his shoulders. “Eh, it was worth it. You sound so cute when you snore.”

You relax a bit now that he’s assured you he’s not appalled by you drooling on him. A second later, you realize what he just said, and it just layers onto your already existing embarrassment. “I snore?”

“You do when you’re sleeping diagonally in a moving vehicle,” Jaune says, still smiling at you, still with a hand on your arm. You enjoy the soft contact despite your mild embarrassment. “You can go back to sleep if you want, I definitely don’t mind.”

“Don’t want to be too tired for hiking, after all,” Emerald adds.

You recalled your polycule’s destination, a faraway state park that you still struggled to remember the name off. You weren’t the outdoorsy type, but you figured you could handle some hiking (you’d leave the rock climbing to your partners, though). You even offered to go on some of the more lengthy treks that required each hiker have a gallon of water on hand, so long as your demands were met in return, among them being a proper hotel room (rather than a trailside cabin with no power or plumbing like they had threatened) and a night out together in the nearest city. It was a three night trip, so in a way, you each got to choose how one day was spent: hiking for Emerald, more hiking for Jaune, and some city nightlife for you. It was a fair arrangement, you thought. Plus, it meant you and your partners would get to dress in cute hiking outfits, and stylish urban outfits during this trip. The clothing fanatic within you was very happy with that.

You consider Jaune’s offer for you to go back to sleep, and honestly, if it weren’t for the big wet spot you’d left on his t-shirt sleeve, you’d probably return right to it. You certainly don’t feel sufficiently rested. “I’ll probably sleep some more, in a little bit.”

Jaune looks towards the front of the car. “Well, in thirty minutes or so, me and Emmy are switching, so you’ll have a fresh shoulder to drool on.”

“I would be honored to be drooled on by them,” Emerald agrees, giggling in a way that makes you blush from both embarrassment, and from that usual re-realization of how cute she is.

“But until then,” Jaune begins and adjusts his seating position to turn his body more your direction, then he opens up his arms to you. “Come back over here.”

You don’t even give it a second thought, and you grant his request, scooting closer and leaning into his embrace. You don’t remember a whole lot from sleeping on his shoulder, but the moment your cheek presses again his chest and his arms encircle you, you’re already certain that this is a hundred times more comfortable.

Not much else crosses your mind as your sleepiness begins to return to the forefront. But this time, you fall asleep on purpose with Jaune’s arms securely around you and his lips pressing against the top of your head every few seconds. You smile pleasantly as you drift off, the rhythm of the road and Jaune’s slow breathing lulling you to sleep.

Five minutes or five hours could have passed and you wouldn’t have known the difference. You’re woken by a slow drifting feeling, like a strange stillness is overtaking your surroundings. As you emerge further from sleep, you realize the car has stopped, and the lack of motion feels odd for a few seconds and you lift your head off of Jaune’s chest. You look up at him with half-open eyes, and he smiles down at you and graces your lips with the lightest of kisses. “Time to trade,” he whispers, then you hear a car door open, and you turn to see Emerald getting out of the driver’s seat.

You realize it must be Jaune’s turn to take the wheel, so you lean away from him to allow him to unbuckle and replace Emerald. He exits, and Emerald quickly takes his spot. She shuts the door and smiles at you, and your first thought is that you hope she lets you go right back to sleep in her arms. Instead, she offers you something just as inviting. “Come here, dork,” she says affectionately, patting her lap. “Lie down for real.”

You smile thankfully at her, then follow her instructions, lying your cheek on her thigh, facing away from her body. With her wearing her cute green shorts, your sleepy drooling wouldn’t be getting on anymore clothing, but you could already hear the jokes about you drooling over Emerald’s thighs, which, to be fair, would be accurate. You remembered back to one of the earliest times you three had hung out together, and while playing a game of Q&A, your answer to Jaune’s “What part of Emerald do you really like?” had unintentionally been “Her thighs.” Thankfully, you three were far enough along when it came to comfort level that your answer wasn’t inappropriate, but your boyfriend and girlfriend had yet to let you hear the end of it. It wasn’t all bad, though. Emerald wore shorts like this a lot, and part of you suspected that was an intentional choice. A choice you appreciate, of course.

As Jaune gets you three back on the road, you shift a couple times until settling on a position that felt comfortable to you. Emerald’s skin feels soft and cool against your face, and with the added comfort of her slowly running a hand through your hair, you’re back to dreamland in no time.

You’re woken up again an indeterminate amount of time later, but not for long. You acknowledge that the car has stopped and Emerald has swapped places with Jaune once again, but you don’t pay much mind to anything else as your head settles back into the lap of one of your partners, denim jeans pressed against your cheek, and you drift off yet again without a care.

Later, you wake up to a gentle shake of your shoulder. You groan softly and open your eyes. The car has stopped again, but the sun is no longer beaming through the side windows. You push yourself upright, and after a few seconds of dizziness and grogginess, you recognize that you’ve stopped at a gas station.

“Bathroom break?” Jaune asks you, holding your shoulder.

You look over at him and nod, feeling the need to stretch your arms and legs more than anything else. “And snack?” You ask, immediately realizing your own hunger.

Jaune chuckles and nods. “All the snacks you want, love.”

The car door then opens. “Come on, you cuddle bugs,” Emerald teases, smiling at you both as Jaune shuffles out of the car and you follow close behind.

Once on your feet, you extend your arms over your head and stand on your tip toes, stretching your body in all ways your can think off. “How long was I sleeping?”

“Almost five hours,” Emerald says as Jaune is already heading inside the store, apparently in desperate need for a bathroom break.

You’re momentarily stunned. “That long?” You never imagined you’d be capable of sleeping so long, and so well, in a car.

Emerald nods and laughs. “You were pretty much out of it the whole time, too.”

You blink a few times, still wrapping your mind around it. “Wait, so that means you two have been doing all the driving?” You feel sheepish at having failed to fulfill your fair share of the road time.

“Hey, you needed the rest. And it was worth it.” She surprises you by stepping closer and wrapping her arms around your waist. “You’re so precious,” she says softly, then kisses you.

It’s enough to make you want to sink into her embrace and go right back to snoozing, but at the moment, you feel more awake than you’ve felt all day. Maybe the sleep really did help. Emerald parts from you and leads the way to the convenience store, still keeping a hold of your hand along the way. Sure enough, when you step out from under the gas station awning, you see the sun is directly above. It was already noon.

After using the restroom and gathering up an abundance of snacks (albeit healthy snacks; cheese puffs are unfortunately not the best hiking fuel), you stand with your partners in the short line to check out.

“So,” Emerald says to you, “do you feel up for driving?”

You know for certain that she wouldn’t be bothered at all if you said no, but you can tell from the sleepy lull in her eyes that she could use a break. Not to mention you feel the need to make up for all of your driving shifts that you slept through. You feel awake enough to drive, so you smile and nod at her. “Sure. Meanwhile you two can sit in the back and be cute together.”

Emerald smiles at that, glancing bashfully up at Jaune. “Cool.”

After buying your goodies, the three of you head back out to the car. It’s sunny and warm outside, and you hope it cools down a little before you reach the hiking trails. But you don’t worry about the temperature too much for now. You take your position in the driver’s seat of the hatchback, where you’d have free reign over the AC and the radio. Then again, you figured you’d keep the radio off for now. You suspect that your partners would appreciate the quiet.

The three of you are soon back on the road. Traffic on the highway isn’t too hectic, so it’s pretty easy going. You’re able to just set the cruise control and vibe. After a little while, you glance at the rear view mirror, and you smile at what you see. Jaune is leaning his shoulder against his window, all while holding Emerald in his arms as she lies her head on his chest. Both of them have their eyes closed, but you notice a faint smile on Jaune’s face, while Emerald seems to be asleep, her head wobbling a bit against Jaune whenever the car hits the slightest bump. You focus back on the open road for a moment, the green scenery passing you by on your journey.

You aren’t sure if you’ve ever been this happy before. It’s just you and the people you love, with an adventure of your own making awaiting you.

[lastbluetardis]

Family of Six (7/14)

After James and Rose bring their newborn twins home, they work to find a balance between all four of their children, and each other. Ten x Rose AU, Soulmates AU.

This chapter: Teen, 7800 words

Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter: James: 39, Rose: 33, Ainsley: 9, Sianin: 6, Twins: almost 1 month

If you like reading my stories, consider leaving me a tip? Or leave a reply on this post to tell me what you thought? And as always, reblogs are very much appreciated so more people can see this.

Next update: September 19th

AO3 | TSP | FF | Perfectly Matched Series

Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch5 | Ch6 | Ch7 | Ch8 | Ch9 | Ch10 | Ch11 | Ch12 | Ch13 | Ch14

James awoke in the middle of the night to a small child shuffling over him. He grunted and scooted closer to the edge to give Sianin a bit more room to sleep in their bed.

“Ow!”

He forced open his eyes and saw Sianin straddling his stomach, shaking her hand.

“You rolled over on my wrist!”

“Sorry, darling,” he murmured, reaching out blindly for her hand. “Let Daddy see.”

Never mind that he couldn’t see anything in the dark, he prodded her fingers and wrist bone. Nothing felt amiss and she didn’t flinch or hiss, so he figured it was an arbitrary injury. Nevertheless, he pressed a kiss to her arm.

“All better,” he said. “Lie down now. It’s time to sleep.”

“I want my own bed,” Sianin said, continuing to clamber off of him. It was then he realized she wasn’t climbing into his and Rose’s bed, she was climbing out of it.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Nighty night.”

“Want me to tuck you in?”

“Nope. Nighty night,” she said again, continuing her climb. Her knee dug hard into his stomach, making him yelp.

“Oops! Sorry!” She swiftly knelt on the mattress edge beside him. A moment later, her lips pressed to his stomach. “All better.”

“Thanks,” he wheezed. “G’night.”

A thud sounded as Sianin jumped to the floor, then she walked out of the room.

“You all right?” Rose’s hand touched his chest. “She didn’t knee you in the ball…”

“Nope, the stomach,” he assured. “This is good progress, eh? Going back to her bed.”

“Definitely,” Rose said, wiggling close to him. She tucked her head into his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his middle. He raised her arm to wrap around his chest instead; his stomach was still a little tender.

“Is it weird that I miss her now?”

“A little bit,” Rose said. “But it’s okay. I kind of miss her too. Hopefully she’ll get better at staying in her own bed overnight.”

“Mmm,” he hummed, already half asleep.

When he next awoke, it was to pale yellow light peeking through their curtains and the sound of Rose speaking quietly. She was in the rocking chair with both twins in her arms, nursing them.

“Happy Mother’s Day,” he croaked through a dry mouth.

She beamed at him. “Thanks.”

He sat up in bed and flicked on the lamp, then scrabbled for his phone. It was half past six in the morning. He opened up the camera app and snapped a couple of photos of Rose feeding their babies.

“Do you have a breastfeeding fetish you’ve never told me about?” Rose drawled, smirking.

James rolled his eyes. “You look beautiful, and I want to capture these moments forever. You’re always taking photos of me and the kids, but I want to make sure you’re represented too. In fifty years, I don’t want the girls to look back at old pictures and wonder why their mum isn’t in any of them.”

Rose’s face softened. “Thanks, love. Though I’m not sure they’d appreciate always seeing me with my tits out.”

“Oh, shut up. They’re the most magnificent pair of breasts in the world.”

“I think you’re a tad biased.”

“Nope. The pinnacle of impartiality, me.” He grinned when Rose cackled. “Besides, you can’t really see them. The twins’ heads are blocking everything.”

He leaned against his pillows and rubbed the sleep from his face.

“I can take the girls out for a bit this morning, if you’d like,” James said. “Give you more of a lie-in. I’ve got an errand to run anyway.”

“I wonder what that errand could possibly be,” Rose mused, as though he didn’t get her a small bouquet of flowers every Mother’s Day.

“No idea. Nothing at all related to the day, I assure you. Nope. Just a common Sunday errand.”

“You’re a rubbish liar,” Rose teased.

They continued talking until they heard their kids moving around.

“Want me to take the twins out, too?” James said, standing up and stretching.

“Nah, they’ll be okay with me,” Rose answered. “You spent enough alone time with them yesterday. Thanks though.”

James stepped over to the rocking chair and kissed her swiftly before he went into the bathroom to shower. When he got out of the shower, he heard small voices in their bedroom. He wrapped a towel around his waist then stepped into their room.

Ainsley and Sianin were cuddling with Rose in bed. Ainsley was cradling Maddie in her arms, while Hannah rested on top of Rose’s chest. Sianin was tucked into her mother’s side, her head nestled in the crook of Rose’s shoulder.

“Morning, Dad,” Ainsley chirped.

“Morning,” he said. He walked over to his bedside table for his phone, then moved to the foot of the bed. “Smile, everyone.”

His entire family beamed at him as he took a couple of shots.

“Right, I’m gonna go out for a couple errands,” he said. “Ainsley, Sianin, I could use your help.”

“Where are we going?” Sianin asked.

He saw Rose smirking playfully at him. “Oh, nowhere important. I need to pick up a few things and want company. Go on, get dressed. We can get breakfast sandwiches while we’re out.”

“From McDonald’s?” Sianin asked excitedly.

“I was thinking that little coffee shop that’s close to your school,” he said instead.

Though Sianin deflated a little bit, she was still excited to be getting what she considered a “fancy breakfast”. She wriggled off the bed and trotted to her room. 

Ainsley still had her arms full.

“You can give her to me,” James said, holding out his hands. He picked up the baby and held her in the crook of his arm. Ainsley slid off the bed and went to her room. “Good morning my darling Maddie-Waddie. Good morning!”

Maddie beamed at him, gurgling happily in his arms. Her little hands flailed in the air, and he bent down as though to nibble on them. When he caught her fingers lightly between his lips, she cooed loudly and her smile grew wider. He grinned.

“Unless you want to go to the flower shop in just a towel, you might want to get dressed.” Rose was looking at him tenderly, her phone in her hands.

“Oi, you’re not supposed to know that,” he whined.

“Oops. I meant that unless you want to go to the coffee shop in just a towel, you might want to get dressed,” she amended, a twinkle in her eye.

“That’s more like it,” he said, nodding.

He cuddled Maddie for a few more minutes before reluctantly handing her to Rose.

“I can’t wait ‘til Hannah smiles,” he said, stroking Hannah’s chubby cheek. 

“Me too,” Rose said.

James coaxed one more smile from Maddie before he dropped his loosening towel—earning a wolf-whistle from his wife—and began pulling on clothes.

“Do you need anything while I’m out?” he asked as he laced up his Chucks.

“Nope. Though would you like to give me an indulgent gift before you go?”

James peered at her curiously, his head cocked.

“Stand up and give us a twirl?”

James glanced down at himself then shot Rose a wicked grin. He’d chosen a pair of trousers at random—a set of black skinny jeans that he remembered now were one of Rose’s favorite on him.

“As my lady wishes,” he said, getting to his feet.

Theatrically, he held his arms up and out to lift his shirt hem, exposing a sliver of skin at his belly. He then spun in a slow circle, gyrating his hips. When he had completed his rotation, he was pleased by the pink flush on her cheeks and the delighted smile on her face.

“Does my wife approve of my outfit?” he asked innocently.

“I guess it’s all right,” she said, her voice low.

James winked at her, then came up to her bedside. Predicting his actions, Rose angled her head up as he ducked down to press a kiss to her lips. She inhaled sharply through her nose then released a soft moan when he laved his tongue across her bottom lip, then sucked it into his mouth.

They snogged lazily for a few minutes, long enough that James had lowered himself to perch on the edge of the bed to avoid a crick in his neck. When he eventually pulled them out of the kiss, it took a few seconds to catch his breath.

“Blimey,” Rose murmured, her chest heaving. Her pupils were blown wide and her lips were deliciously red and glistening.

“Yeah, blimey,” he parroted dumbly.

“Thanks for indulging me,” she said.

“Anytime.” He sighed and nudged his nose against hers before he kissed her tenderly. “I should go.”

“Yeah, you should,” Rose said, kissing him back just as gently.

“On second thought, maybe I’ll stay in here all morning. I’ll put the twins in the nursery, tell Ainsley and Sianin they’re on their own for breakfast, then I’ll return and lock the door.”

“As tempting as that sounds,” Rose said, still giving him small, sweet kisses, “you promised them a fancy breakfast. And I’ll be utterly heartbroken and distraught if I don’t get my Mother’s Day bouquet.”

“Well, I can’t have you heartbroken and distraught,” James said, even as he made no move to stand up. He heaved a great breath, then planted one final kiss to her lips. “You have no idea how much I want to stay in here with you.”

“I know. Though it’s not like we could really do anything anyway,” she said as though consoling herself.

“Oh, there’s plenty we could do. I dunno about you, but snogging my soulmate is one of my favorite pastimes.” Rose giggled at him, and he beamed. “Love you, Rose.”

“Love you, James. Now go. Go on.”

He gave her a lazy salute, then left the bedroom to take his eldest children out.

Their first stop was the coffee shop, because James needed the caffeine and Sianin was moaning that she was starving. They sat down at one of the tables and ate their breakfast sandwiches slowly, making idle conversation as they did so.

“Next stop: flower shop for Mother’s Day flowers,” James said when he got the kids buckled into the car after breakfast.

He’d placed his order in advance, so the bouquet was ready to go when he got there. It was a simple arrangement with vibrant shades of purple and yellow blended together.

The girls also wanted to get flowers for their mother, so he told them to work together to pick something out. It was not the prettiest bouquet James had ever seen—they’d tried to make it as colorful as possible, no matter if the colors or flower shapes and sizes matched—but he knew Rose would absolutely love it, and the girls were rather proud of themselves for their creation.

When they got home, they sprinted into the house, shouting for their mother.

“We’ve got a surprise for you!”

“You do?” Rose asked from the couch.

“You have to close your eyes,” Sianin said.

With a small smile tugging her lips, Rose dutifully closed her eyes while James carried in the flowers. The girls went to retrieve the cards they just remembered they’d made.

“Smells wonderful in here,” she said.

“They got a wee bit excited with their flower arrangement.”

Rose grinned, but wiped it off when she heard her daughters returning down the hallway.

“You didn’t peek, did you?” Sianin asked accusingly.

“Nope,” Rose said.

At the same time James assured, “I made sure she didn’t.”

“I wanna hold it,” Sianin whispered.

“No, I do!”

“Let’s set it on the table,” James recommended.

“What could it possibly be?” Rose asked. “Can I look yet?”

“No!” Ainsley and Sianin said frantically.

James swallowed his laughter and set his daughters’ bouquet on the coffee table, then he went to put his in the kitchen with a warning to Rose not to open her eyes until he got back. When he returned, he opened his phone’s camera and took a picture of Rose sitting on the couch with her eyes closed, a gaudy flower arrangement in front of her.

“On three?” James suggested.

“Yeah. One… two… three!” The girls counted down together, and as soon as Rose’s eyes popped open, they shouted, “Happy Mother’s Day!”

“Oh! How beautiful!” she gasped, and by her earnest expression, she meant it. “Did you pick these out all by yourself?”

“Yep!” Sianin said proudly. “Do you love it?”

“I love it very much,” she said, bringing the flowers to her nose for a sniff even though their aroma had filled the living room. Then she set them on the table and opened her arms to scoop her eldest children in for a hug. “Thank you both.”

“We made you cards,” Ainsley said when Rose released them.

She and Sianin thrust their cards into Rose’s face.

“One at a time,” James chastised gently.

Rose opened up Ainsley’s first, then Sianin’s. Her eyes grew a bit misty as she read the sentiments in each card.

“Thank you,” she said, blinking away the moisture. “I’m going to keep these cards forever and ever.”

She pressed more kisses to her daughters’ faces.

“You’ve got another surprise in the kitchen,” James said, beckoning her with a tilt of the head.

She pushed herself to her feet and followed him. Her second bouquet was sitting on the kitchen island with two cards propped up beside it.

“They’re beautiful, James,” she said, stepping up to smell the flowers. “Thank you very much.”

“You’re very welcome,” he said, pressing a kiss to her temple.

He then directed her attention to the first of two cards. This one was store-bought and filled with traditional sappy well-wishes. James had scribbled his own sentiments inside the card as well.

She thanked him with a kiss, then accepted the second card. It was hand-made, and she recognized James’s handwriting. On the front, he’d written, “Happy Mummy’s Day to the best Mummy on the planet!”

Inside were two sets of teeny tiny handprints and the words “We’re too little to tell you ourselves, so Daddy translated. We love you to the moon and beyond! Forever yours, Hannah and Madeline.”

He had attempted a simple sketch of the moon and a rocket ship. Inside the rocket were tiny stick figures she assumed were supposed to be Hannah and Maddie.

Rose’s eyes welled with tears as she smiled down at the card “the twins” made.

“James,” she rasped. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for being the best mum in the universe,” James said, wrapping his arm around her waist to press a kiss to her temple. “I couldn’t imagine raising children with anyone but you. You make parenthood an absolute joy, and you make it as easy as it can possibly be. And I will forever be grateful to you for giving me four wonderful, perfect little girls.”

Rose buried her face into his chest as she clung to him.

“You helped a bit,” she mumbled into his shirt.

“Only with the fun part,” he said, nuzzling his nose into her hair. “Thank you for our beautiful children, Rose.”

More tears slipped down her cheeks. “God, I’m a mess.”

“Blame the hormones,” he suggested, hugging her tight. “Love you.”

“Love you,” she replied, tilting her head to look at him. “Thank you, James. You’re so sweet.”

“Sweet’s my middle name.” He brushed her tears away with his thumbs.

Rose giggled, then pressed a long kiss to his mouth. He hummed and angled his head to the side, intent on deepening the kiss, but Sianin walked in.

“Aren’t you supposed to have private alone time in your bedroom?”

Rose breathed out a laugh through her nose, then buried her face in James’s shoulder. He chuckled too.

“We weren’t having private alone time,” James said. “We were kissing.”

“Isn’t that what you do during private alone time?”

“Among other things,” he answered vaguely.

Rose groaned and pinched James’s side, already anticipating Sianin’s next words.

“Like what?”

“They have sex, Sianin.”

James let out a strangled sound as Ainsley skipped into the kitchen. Rose’s cheeks went hot.

Evidently Ainsley was taking the liberty to explain the birds and the bees to her little sister. “Dad’s penis goes in Mum’s vagina.”

Sianin cocked her head and looked between her parents, a slight look of disgust wrinkling her nose. “Why?”

“It’s… fun,” James said weakly, but Sianin raised her eyebrows in disbelief. He cleared his throat. “Sex is something adults who are in love do. It’s not an activity for children. But it’s something your mum and I like to do together.”

“Why do only adults do sex?” she asked.

“Children’s bodies aren’t big enough for it yet,” Rose said. “You’ve still got a lot of growing to do before then.”

“Like how kids can’t possess alcohol,” Sianin said matter-of-factly.

“Process,” James corrected, beaming. “Well… or possess, but I assumed you meant process? Anyhoo, you’re exactly right. Kid bodies and adult bodies are very different, so there are things adults can do that kids can’t. Make sense?”

“I suppose,” Sianin said. “When’s Gran and Grandad coming?”

“‘Round lunchtime,” Rose said. “Let’s clean up the house a little bit before they get here.”

“But it’s just Gran and Grandad,” Sianin said. “They’re not special people.”

Rose bit her lip to stifle her laughter. “The house still needs cleaned. Especially since we’re grilling outside—the patio furniture needs to be wiped down so we can sit there.”

After a few more grudging remarks, Sianin dutifully followed her parent’s instructions to tidy up.

James worked outside to clear off the girls’ playset, which had gathered a bit of dirt and grime over the winter months. Rose, Ainsley, and Sianin worked on cleaning the patio furniture.

Just as they finished up, a ring at the doorbell heralded Jackie’s arrival. Ainsley and Sianin rushed to the door to let their grandmother into the house and accept her hugs and kisses. James followed, ducking down to press a kiss to her cheek.

“Happy Mother’s Day, Jackie,” he said, giving her a squeeze. “Girls, did you wish Gran a happy Mother’s Day?”

“Happy Mother’s Day,” Ainsley chirped acquiescently.

“She’s not my mother,” Sianin said blankly.

James couldn’t help but laugh. “She might not be your mum, but she is a mum, and Mother’s Day is for all mums.”

Sianin tilted her head to consider him. “Oh. Happy Mother’s Day, Gran.”

“Thank you, sweetheart,” Jackie replied, a grin still lingering on her face.

Robert joined them soon after, and the family went outside to enjoy the unseasonably warm day. The adults settled at the patio table with a bottle of wine—and tea for Rose—while the kids played in the back garden. The babies napped contentedly inside. Rose set up a baby monitor in the living room with the twins, and had the receiver with her on the patio.

“Is Sianin doing any better?” Robert asked as he watched his granddaughter sprint around the yard, chasing Ainsley. “She seems like she is.”

“What’s wrong with Sianin?” Jackie asked, frowning.

“She’s had a bit of trouble adjusting to the twins,” Rose said. “She came to us the other weekend in tears because she thought we didn’t love her anymore, and that the twins were a replacement for her and Ainsley.”

“Oh, poor pet,” Jackie murmured.

“Yeah. She’s been sleeping with me and James since her birthday party. And has wet the bed a couple times this week,” Rose admitted. “Her mood is back to normal, and she even tries to interact with the twins whenever Ainsley plays with them. But she’s still sleeping with us, so something is still bothering her.”

“Though she did leave us in the middle of the night last night to go back to her own bed,” James chimed in.

“That’s encouraging,” Robert said. “Give her a bit more time. She’ll outgrow this phase.”

“It’s just heartbreaking to know she’s insecure about it at all,” Rose said. “I don’t know what else to do for her.”

“You’re doing everything you can,” Robert soothed. “She’ll adjust. She’s a resilient kid.”

“Hope so,” James said, watching his children playing together.

Ainsley noticed his gaze and called out. “Hey, Dad? When are we eating?”

“Are you hungry?” he asked. Both of his children nodded. “I’ll start the grill now.” He turned his attention to the rest of the family. “Are you lot hungry yet?”

“Not entirely, but maybe by the time the food’s ready,” Jackie answered. “Go ahead and get it cooking.”

He nodded and went into the kitchen to season the hamburger meat and form them into patties. He took them and the sausages outside, where Rose had already fired up the grill.

“Thanks, love,” he said, setting the platter of raw meat to the side while the grill heated up.

A few minutes later, he had all of the meat on the grill and was monitoring it carefully after a bit of dripping grease caused a flare-up.

A pair of familiar arms wrapped around him as he tended the food. He hummed and smiled to himself, enjoying the hug. When everything was flipped and sizzling, he lowered the lid of the grill and turned towards his wife.

“A kiss for the chef,” Rose said with a smile that made his insides flipflop.

She rocked up onto her toes and brushed a soft kiss to one corner of his mouth, then the other, and then the cleft between his lower lip and chin.

“Your aim is very poor this afternoon,” he murmured.

“Hmm, wanna show me how it’s done?”

“With pleasure…” He threaded his fingers through her hair and angled her head to the side before pressing his lips to hers. She sighed into the kiss, returning the gentle pressure and bringing her arms up to wrap loosely around his shoulders.

“There are young children here.”

James ignored his mother-in-law to continue leisurely kissing his wife. She smiled into his mouth then started easing them out of the kiss.

“That’s how you kiss the chef,” he whispered, grinning.

“I’ll tuck that lesson away for later,” she said with a wink.

“About time, you bleedin’ teenagers,” Jackie grumbled.

Rose rolled her eyes, stepping out of his arms.

“It was just a kiss, Mum,” Rose huffed.

James sat down at the patio table beside his father and poured himself a glass of wine.

“That was certainly not just a kiss,” Jackie said. “That was a snog.”

“So it’s illegal for me to snog my husband in my own house?” Rose shot back. James gripped her hand and gave it a small squeeze. She returned the gesture and slumped in her chair. “James and I don’t want the kids to think there’s anything bad or dirty about showing affection. We want them to know it’s perfectly normal and healthy to kiss and hug and cuddle someone they love.”

“Mummy and Daddy kiss all the time.”

Rose hadn’t realized her daughter had intruded upon the conversation.

“We kiss you all the time!” James tugged Sianin into his lap and blew kisses and raspberries into her neck. She squirmed and squealed in his lap, laughing until she was breathless.

Rose smiled at her husband and child. She loved that James was an affectionate father, unafraid and unashamed to let his children know how loved they were.

“Daddy, stop!”

“Yes ma’am,” he said, pulling back. “One more kiss to the forehead?”

Sianin nodded and tilted her face to him, accepting his brief peck. She then settled in his arms, seemingly content to stay there.

“Daddy, you like kissing Mummy a lot,” Sianin stated.

Rose bit her lip around a grin.

“Yes, I do,” James said simply. “I love your mummy very, very much and it’s one of the ways I show her that.”

“Will Elena, Juliette, and me kiss?” Sianin asked, angling her head to look at him.

“Perhaps, if you all want to kiss,” James said, brushing away a tendril of hair that had fallen into her eyes. “That’s the important part, that you all want to be kissing. You never kiss anyone without their permission.”

“Even if they’re your soulmate?”

“Even if they’re your soulmate,” James said firmly. “If Mummy ever tells me she doesn’t want a kiss, I don’t kiss her. And vice versa. If I don’t want a kiss, she doesn’t kiss me. It’s as simple as that. Do you understand?”

“Yep,” Sianin said, leaning into his chest.

“Good girl,” he said, kissing the top of her head.

“And you don’t do sex if Mummy doesn’t want it,” Sianin said, nodding to herself.

Robert and Jackie nearly choked on their drinks. The sound drew Sianin’s attention to them, and she said candidly, “Mummy and Daddy like to do sex. That’s when Daddy puts his penis in Mummy’s vagina. They say it’s fun but it doesn’t sound fun—it sounds like it would hurt.”

Rose thought her face might melt off and James’s cheeks, ears, and neck were bright red. Jackie and Robert were beaming at Sianin and looking as though they would burst out laughing any minute.

“But you don’t do it if Mummy doesn’t want to. And Mummy, you don’t do sex with Daddy if he doesn’t want to. Right?”

“That’s right, baby,” Rose answered. “That’s one of the most important parts of a relationship. Will you remember that always for me?”

“I’ll remember,” Sianin promised.

“Why don’t you go play with Ainsley,” James murmured, easing Sianin off his lap. “The food will be done in a few minutes.”

She slid to her feet and happily trotted to her big sister, who was swinging on their swing set.

Rose caught James’s eye and saw he was still beet-red. Now that Sianin was no longer there, Jackie and Robert let their laughter out.

“Not a word,” Rose growled at her mother.

“I thought you wanted your kids to know it was perfectly normal for people in love to kiss and hug and show their love,” Jackie said innocently.

“Shut up,” Rose grumbled, rubbing her palms across her face.

Robert, meanwhile, patted James on the shoulder and said, “Kids are curious little creatures and don’t quite understand the concept of propriety. She has no idea she’s embarrassing you. But for what it’s worth, you managed to teach her a valuable lesson from it.”

“I know,” James said. “For as much as Rose and I are trying to teach the girls that what we do together is healthy and natural, it’s still awkward.”

“Oh, I know. But every parent on the planet goes through this same thing,” Robert soothed. “Do you think it didn’t embarrass your mum and me when you learned what sex was? Or whenever you accidentally interrupted something.”

“Thankfully we’ve rarely had that,” Rose said.

“You’ll want to make sure Sianin isn’t co-sleeping with you before you get back to shaggin’,” Jackie advised.

“Oh, really?” James snarked. “Nah, I figured we’d scoot her to the foot of the bed whilst Rose and I make loud and passionate love right in front of her.”

“James,” Rose chastised, touching his forearm.

“Sorry, Jackie,” he mumbled. He stood up suddenly and thumbed behind him. “Burgers. I’m gonna… burgers.”

Rose watched him go with confusion, wondering what that was all about. Robert went with James.

“What’s up with himself, then?” Jackie asked.

“I dunno,” Rose said honestly.

“He’s not put out that you can’t have sex yet, is he?”

“Of course not,” Rose scoffed. “He’s brilliant about that. I’ll talk to him. Sorry, Mum. I think it just upset him to remember that Sianin’s struggling so much.”

“She’ll come around. Though why didn’t you tell me she was having a hard time?”

Rose shrugged. “Dunno. Didn’t think about it.”

“You didn’t think to tell your own mother that your child is having issues?” Jackie asked dubiously.

Agitation prickled under Rose’s skin at her mother’s tone, but she attempted to push it down.

“We’re handling it, Mum,” she said tightly.

Jackie harrumphed and leaned back in her seat, obviously disagreeing but not saying anything. Instead, she said, “Do you think this is it for you and James?”

“What?”

“Having kids,” Jackie clarified. “What with Sianin’s inability to adjust and everything.”

“She isn’t unable to adjust,” Rose spluttered. “She’s taking more time, is all.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t want to put her through this again is what I meant,” Jackie said. “And besides, four’s a good number.”

Rose ground her teeth together, her fury rising. Her and James’s family planning was nobody’s business but theirs, and how dare her mother use Sianin as an excuse.

“I popped two babies out of my body last month,” Rose gritted out, “and you want to know if we’re planning to have any more?”

“You don’t have to get snippy with me, I was just asking a question,” Jackie said defensively.

“What does it matter if we have more children or not? Besides, we tried for four years, Mum,” Rose said, her voice hard. “Four years! James and I are doing so well now, but it was hard for us. Can’t you let us enjoy the two little girls we just had?”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” Jackie said, her voice brittle.

“Then what did you mean?”

“I was only trying to make conversation!” 

“There are a million different things we could’ve had a conversation about,” Rose said, throwing her hands up in exasperation.

“Rose?”

James was frowning at her as he carried a steaming plate of hamburgers to the patio table.

“I’m gonna check on the twins,” she muttered, pushing away from the table.

She breezed into the house and went to the cots in the living room. Both twins were awake. Hannah was chewing on her fingers and Maddie was stretching her arms and legs in whatever direction she could flail them.

“Hello, my beautiful girls,” she whispered. Inexplicably, tears burned in her throat. She didn’t know why she’d gotten so worked up at her mother, but that only made her more upset. “Mummy loves you so very much.”

Maddie beamed at her mother, cooing softly. Hannah was still suckling her fist.

“My beautiful, beautiful girls,” Rose said, tracing her fingertip across Maddie’s cheek, then Hannah’s. “You’re probably a bit hungry, eh? Shall we have some lunch?”

“Rose?” James squatted beside her and rested his hand at her lower back. “Are you all right?”

“I dunno. I dunno what’s wrong with me.” She trailed off, and he stayed quiet, letting her think. “It seems like Mum and I are getting into it every time we talk.”

“What were the two of you talking about?” he asked. “I couldn’t really catch the thread of conversation.”

“It’s stupid,” Rose said, rubbing the heel of her hand into her eyes. “She asked if we were done having kids or not.”

“The twins just got here,” he said, frowning.

“That’s what I said, too,” Rose said. “Then she was using Sianin to defend herself… about how Sianin’s struggling so much and surely we wouldn’t want to put her through all of this again. She said she didn’t mean anything by it. I dunno why I’m even so upset. Which is just pissing me off even more.”

James frowned sympathetically and wrapped his arm loosely around her waist. She rested her head on his shoulder.

“I guess it feels like she’s always trying to stick her nose in my life,” Rose said. “And I know she’s my mum and everything, but it makes me feel like she doesn’t approve of anything I do as a mother, or how we’re raising our family.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Why do we keep getting into little arguments any time she comes ‘round?”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry,” he repeated.

“Is it me? Am I being a total arse? Completely overreacting about everything?”

“You very seldom overreact,” he said. “I believe that if something is bothering you, it’s real. I don’t know what that something is, whether it’s something Jackie is doing or saying, or whether you’re struggling with something else. But I’m here to listen whenever you need to vent.”

Rose tucked her head under his chin. “I want my mum to enjoy the time she spends with us. And I want to enjoy it too. But lately all she seems to do is pick a fight.”

“I know, love. I know.”

Rose was silent for a moment, then asked, “Are you all right? You got a bit testy with Mum too.”

“Yeah. Sorry about that. I apologized to her, too. I was uncomfortable, is all. Then your mum feeling like she needed to tell us to wait until Sianin wasn’t wanting to sleep in our bed before resuming sex… what does she think, we’ll get it on with anyone in the room? Or that we’d lock our struggling child out of our room so we could shag?”

“I know,” Rose said gently. “But now you understand what I’m talking about. Why does my mum have a way of making everything she says feel like she’s judging?”

James exhaled heavily. “I dunno. Maybe we’re both a pair of nutters who are overreacting.”

“At least we’re each other’s nutters,” Rose said, bumping her shoulder into his.

“Forever,” he said, and she could hear the smile in his voice. He brushed a kiss to the top of her head then said, “Come. There are a few more burger patties I can grill up. Don’t want you eating a cold burger on Mother’s Day.”

“I need to feed the twins,” Rose said.

“Then I’ll wait ‘til you come out to cook them,” he said.

With a parting kiss to the side of her head, James stood and returned to the rest of the family outside.

Sianin’s plate was nearly empty, and she was currently ripping up a square of cheese and eating it. Ainsley was eating at a more reasonable pace, though she’d still inhaled her food.

“You two act as though I never feed you,” he whined dramatically, plopping into his seat beside Sianin. She beamed at him through lips smeared with melted cheese and ketchup. He picked up his napkin and wiped at her chin. “Shall we at least act like we have table manners?”

Sianin giggled and stuck her tongue out at him. “Can I have another burger?”

“Another one?” he asked dubiously. Sianin nodded. “How about you let your food settle a tiny little bit. If you still want more in a half hour, I’ll get you more.”

Sianin huffed but sat back into her seat, nibbling on some crisps.

When Rose had been inside for fifteen minutes, James leapt from his seat to grill up the remaining hamburgers so that when she joined them several minutes later, it was to a piping hot burger dripping with melted cheese and sandwiched on a buttery, toasted bun.

Rose gave her mother a tight-lipped smile and asked, “Want a baby?”

“Please,” Jackie said, just as stiffly.

Rose handed Hannah to Jackie, then turned to Robert. “Want Maddie?”

At his eager nod, she deposited the other baby into his arms.

Rose sat down in her seat beside her mother, and James swept up to her side carrying a plate of food. Setting the plate down with a flourish, he took her hand in his and pressed a long kiss to the back of her hand.

“For you, milady,” he purred.

She beamed at him, relief and gratitude crossing her face as she gave his hand a squeeze.

He pulled his chair closer to her and draped his arm lazily along the back of her chair, absently caressing the nape of her neck with his fingertips.

The remainder of the afternoon passed much better than James thought it would. The thin layer of tension vibrating between Rose and her mother was often broken by one of the girls. Jackie threw all of her attention to her granddaughters, playing with them as much as she could until it was time for her to go home.

James saw Rose talking to Jackie as they walked to the front door, where a cab was waiting to take Jackie to the train station. He considered it a victory that neither woman raised their voice, but Rose appeared irked when she returned.

“All right?” he asked quietly.

Rose sighed. “She gave a sort of backhanded apology for upsetting me. But she continued to defend herself, so that sort of negated the point of an apology.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, tugging her into his side.

“Thanks. I’m sorry too.” She buried her face into his chest, and after a long moment, she confessed, “I wish my mum could be like your dad. And I’m a horrible daughter for saying that, but it’s true. Why can’t she be supportive and happy with my family?”

James squeezed her tight and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, not knowing what else he could say.

Robert stayed long enough to help James clean up from their barbecue. He refused to let Rose help on account of it being Mother’s Day.

“Is Rose all right?” Robert asked as he and James put the leftover food into containers.

“Noticed that, did you?” James asked dryly. After a beat, he admitted, “She and her mother have been butting heads recently. I’m trying to stay neutral, but I mean… my wife is upset. I dunno how much longer I can stay out of it.”

“Part of the reason Jackie’s upset is that she doesn’t get to see the girls as often as she’d like,” Robert supplied. At James’s blank stare, he explained, “We were chatting a bit when you and Rose went inside. She misses you and Rose and the kids. I don’t think it helps knowing I come ‘round so often.”

“You’d think she would want to make the most of the time she’s here then, instead of wasting it by bickering with Rose,” James said.

“One would think. But then again, rational thought sort of goes out the window when one is upset.”

James grimaced. “I dunno what to do.”

“Not sure there’s much to do. Be patient with Jackie. And maybe try to find other ways for her to see the girls. Phone calls and video chats and things, perhaps.”

“Perhaps,” James agreed, and he and Robert finished up the rest of the cleaning up in silence.

James was glad when the girls’ bedtime rolled around. He loved spending time with his family, but he was eager for some peace. He felt a little guilty about it, but he couldn’t deny that bedtime was a relief; it gave him time to be alone with his wife, without the distraction of chores, errands, or childcare. But as exhausting as it was to care for not one newborn, but two—and a nine- and six-year-old—he wouldn’t trade anything about his life. 

“Penny for ‘em.” Rose knocked her leg against his as she settled on the sofa beside him with a large bowl of ice cream to watch a rom-com they’d found on the television.

“Just thinking about the kids,” he replied. After a beat, he said, “I love being a dad.”

“Well, that’s good,” Rose drawled, but her eyes were soft. “Bit too late to change your mind.”

He flicked her arm half-heartedly.

She blew a raspberry at him, then tucked herself closer to him. He draped his arm around her shoulders, enjoying the touch. 

“But seriously, Rose. I love being a dad. My heart is so full with love and joy. Our daughters are my greatest accomplishment. I can’t fathom my life without them in it.”

“You big softie,” Rose said, grinning at him.

“Oi, I resent that,” he whined. “I am very tough and masculine, thank you very much.”

Rose broke out into peals of laughter, then leaned up to kiss him. Her lips were cold and tasted like chocolate.

“Gonna share that?” he hummed into the kiss, brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“That was the plan. S’why I scooped out so much.”

With a parting kiss to her lips, he pulled back and they spent the next hour and a half watching a film and trading off bites of ice cream.

They were both pleasantly drowsy when they rose from the couch to go to bed. They went through the typical nighttime checks, ensuring the house was properly locked up, before peeking in on their kids.

Sianin’s door was wide open and their six-year-old wasn’t in bed. They frowned at each other, then moved to Ainsley’s room. Their eldest was alone in her bed.

“Guess we’ve got a bedmate waiting for us.”

“This is earlier than usual,” Rose said worriedly. “I’d thought… I’d hoped… since she left us last night…” 

James nodded and closed Ainsley’s door, then moved to their own bedroom. Sianin was sprawled across the head of their bed, her body somehow touching all of their pillows. An iPad lay on the mattress in front of her. She was asleep, but the video she’d been watching was still playing.

Rose took the tablet and shut it off, then they each went through their nighttime routine as quietly as they could. James finished before Rose, and he did a quick check on the twins before stepping to the bed.

“Sianin,” he crooned, rubbing his hand up and down her arm.

She stirred and opened her eyes slowly. She blinked up at him for a few seconds, as though not quite understanding where she was, before she smiled sleepily at him.

“I couldn’t sleep. I came in here but you and Mummy weren’t in bed.”

“Scoot over, darling,” James said. “I don’t fancy using your bum as a pillow tonight.”

Sianin huffed out a laugh, then she pivoted until she was in the center of the mattress. James crawled in beside her, and as soon as he was laying down, she shuffled closer to him and wrapped her entire body around his torso.

“Love you, Daddy,” she whispered into his neck.

“Love you, too, Sian,” he responded, kissing the top of her head.

The bed dipped a minute later and Sianin turned to gaze at her mother. 

“Love you, Mummy,” she said, reaching out a hand.

Rose took it and planted a kiss to Sianin’s palm. “Love you, too, baby.”

“Come cuddle,” she requested, tugging at Rose’s hand.

James met Rose half way, wriggling his way to the center of the bed with Sianin still wrapped around him. Rose pressed her front flush with Sianin’s back and draped her arm over James’s hips.

“Sianin sandwich,” she announced, blowing a raspberry into their daughter’s neck.

She squirmed and giggled.

“Time to sleep, now,” Rose said. “Sweet dreams, my sweet girl.”

Sianin heaved out a big breath, her body relaxing into James. A minute later, she was out cold.

James and Rose remained twined together, enjoying their cuddle, when they were interrupted by a knock so quiet they barely heard it. At first, James had thought it was the house creaking, but then Rose focused on something behind his shoulder as her brows knit together.

“Ainsley? Is everything all right?” She rolled away from James and Sianin as Ainsley walked up to Rose’s bedside. She bent down and whispered something in her mother’s ear. “Of course, sweetheart.”

Rose got out of bed, and before James could ask, Ainsley slipped under the covers.

“You okay?” James asked.

A small, quick dip of her head was her only reply. After a beat, she mumbled, “You said to come to you if I ever felt weird.”

“Are you feeling weird?” Rose asked, sliding into bed behind Ainsley and locking her into a cuddle.

Ainsley hugged her mother’s arm to her chest, then absently began spinning Rose’s wedding band round and round. “My stomach and chest hurt. Not like I’m sick. But inside. Like I’m sad.”

“Why are you sad?” Rose asked.

Ainsley shrugged and stared intently at Rose’s wedding band. “I feel lonely. You’re so busy with Hannah and Maddie. And with Sianin since she’s having a hard time. And I feel so bad for her, I do. And I feel awful for feeling the way I do, ‘cos she’s having such a bad time of it. But it’s… it’s like… it’s like I’m just… here. Living here, but going about the day by myself.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Rose squeezed her eyes shut and clutched Ainsley to her chest. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Ainsley said quickly.

“No, it’s not,” James croaked. “Ains…”

“Really, it’s fine,” she said firmly. “I honestly haven’t felt like this before. But tonight, for some reason, I’m feeling sad and alone. I heard you in here with Sianin, and I guess I felt a little left out.”

“Thank you for coming to us,” Rose murmured. “We’re so sorry. We’re learning how to juggle two new babies with you and Sianin, and we let you slip through the cracks.”

“I think you’re doing brilliant,” Ainsley said.

Obviously not, James scoffed to himself.

“Like I said, I feel a bit daft,” Ainsley admitted, finally turning her head to look at Rose. “You, Sianin, and I had a great day out yesterday.” She looked at James. “And this morning, with breakfast and the flowers. It was nice.”

“We’ll try to plan more days out,” James said. “Individually, too, if you’d like. We can try to make a weekly library date or something, just you and me, or you and your mum.”

Ainsley smiled shyly. “I’d like that.”

“Then it’s done,” James proclaimed, reaching over to cup his daughter’s cheek. “I love you so much, Ainsley. So much.”

“I know,” she said, holding his hand to her face. “Love you, too.”

“You’re an amazing girl,” Rose said, petting Ainsley’s sleek hair. “Your dad and I got so lucky with you. We’ll try to be better for you, Ains.”

Ainsley didn’t answer, but melted into her mother’s embrace.

“Ainsley?” Sianin rubbed her fist into her eyes and looked back at her big sister. “What’re you doin’ here?”

“We’re all having a sleepover in Mummy’s and Daddy’s bed,” James said.

“Oh. Cool.” Sianin let out a grunt and tucked her face into James’s chest, asleep in seconds.

Ainsley’s eyes were likewise closed, and a few minutes later, they heard her breathing even out. Rose didn’t cease stroking Ainsley’s hair.

James reached out and covered her hand with his. She squeezed it hard and met his gaze—he was sure the anguish and frustration on her face was reflected in his.

“We’ll get better at this,” James whispered. “It’s just a bit of growing pains.”

“Growing pains suck,” Rose muttered.

James shot her half a smile, then gave her hand a final squeeze before pulling away. He wrapped Sianin into a hug and nuzzled his chin against the top of her head, closing his eyes and falling into a fitful sleep.

If you’ve made it to the end, consider leaving a comment or reblogging? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

[adragonstale]

2,7,11,18,19,23,24,26,28,32,33,37,45,50,51,58,68,72,74,79,85,87,88,91,92,93,95,96,98,99 !! (that'll do for now xD)

· 2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

That’s a pretty though decision. For personal pleasure aka having fun? Tom Ellis. To do something meaningful? Well as meaningful as it could be, Donald Trump and I would punch him in his ugly face and kick him in his baby carrot.Maybe not the wisest choices, but I was never known for being wise to begin with.

· 7: What’s your strangest talent?

I’m good in remembering Details about TV shows even a decade after I’ve seen them :D

· 11: Do you have any strange phobias?

Nope, luckily no phobia at all

· 18: Do you believe in karma?

Yes, big time. and I hope it bites all those people ruining our world in their asses

· 19: What does your URL mean?

It was a blog only for dragons to get reposted and well it didn’t stay like that, but I like it anyway so I never changed it

· 23: How do you vent your anger?

Mostly through videogames. Sometimes my anger is fasterthan my brain and it can happen that I punch a wall without wanting to do it. Isprained my hand more than once because of this :D

· 24: Do you have a collection of anything?

I collect dragon figures, bones and other dead stuff,books/comics I want to read, Lucifer stuff (TV show, Comic and biblical figure), books about dog training/ mushing

· 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Mostly yes, I still have a lot to work on and I know Iwill not be able to get over all the things that I hate on myself. But since Istopped giving a damn on what other people think about me I became way more happy with myself

·  28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

Another hard one, there are a lot of “what if’s” in live,right?The one that’s almost always present in my thoughts is “What if I had money and what would I do with it.”The answer is pretty simple. I wouldn’t need to decide between getting a newwinter jacket or another vet treatment of my now deceased senior dog.I wouldn’t need to decide if going to a Christmas market is something I canafford once or twice a year.It would also be just to go on vacation. Not a big ass 5 star hotel vacation.More like “Let’s go to the beach over the weekend outside of the season andjust enjoy the time there.”And it would be supporting all my favorite artists via commissions or patreon.

· 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

School. I count it as place and those where the mosthorrible years of my life. I hated every day and the only good thing were thevacations.

· 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

I’m from Germany, soooo I have no idea, spontaneously Iwould say West Coast though, because California is always warm in comparison toGermany (even though the drought and wildfires are horrible) and I have someawesome friends there

· 37: Do you believe in luck?

Yes, too bad it often hits the wrong persons

· 45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I think I was 20 or 21 (looong time ago) when I had amotorcycle accident.It was the ONE day I didn’t wear my whole protective gear because the daybefore I forgot the protective pants in the office. Well, long story short: It rained, my tires where old and were about to bereplaced in the next days and I fell. I got away with a knee that is now actingup every know and then. It can be pretty annoying, for example doing squats? Nope not more than 10 or so or it would swell and hurt the next day.Although now that I think of it, I also had a bike accident a few years later.I fell on my wrist and sprained it pretty bad. I never went to a doctor and Istill have issues with. It probably had some fissures or so. I don’t know, butsince then I’m in pain if I pick up heavy stuff in a certain angle and rotatingit is also not always pleasant.

·  50: Do you believe in magic?

Harry Potter like magic? NoMagic like in spirits, a hidden world next to ours and stuff like that? Yes.

· 51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Oooh yes. It takes a lot to piss me off and make me holda grudge, but if someone manages it, I will hold on to it forever. Probably not the healthiest thing to do, but welp.

· 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Yes, not the tip of my nose, but my septum

· 68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

I would say Morningstar, even though it’s more a titlethan a last name.How about Decker? :D

· 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you haveapproximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are goingto die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) Only very close people like my mom and my soulmate friends. They deserve to know.

b) I would do a lot of stuff that I put off. Like going to the beach again.(although I don’t have so much on my bucket list). I would see that I can finda good new home for my pets if my friends are not able to take them in, becauseI love my little fur and scaley babies. I would also give away my money (notthat I have any LOL) to my friends most in need.

c) Oh hell yes. I believe in some kind of afterlife, but it’s still scary

·  74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Too many to name them, but a really special song is this one.Whenever I hear it I’m back in Croatia 15 years ago standing on a beach andwatching the stormy sea. I just loved it. It was calming and powerful to me.And since then this song is on almost all of my playlists when I’m on the wayto a convention or so and so it collected many more memories as well

· 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Getting my Body modifications done/ planned out. It pairswell with #26 since both go hand in hand. It made me happier and more selfaccepting, so it was definitely the best thing

· 85: What’s the last song you listened to?

DeProfundis – ASP(No, I don’t only listen to German Musik)

· 87: What is your current desktop picture?

And those two didn’t change for quite a while now. I havethe right one since the scene aired and before I had Season 4 Crispy on theleft, I had season 3 one from the last scene.

· 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode,who would it be?

Donald Trump!And if it could be more than one then also Boris Johnson, Erdogan and all the other tyrants and idiots in important areas of the world

 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even

cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is thatpower?

Flying, give me some big ass wings and let me fly. It’sbeen my dream and to go superpower since I can remember, but I insist on the wings

· 92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be ahalf-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experienceagain?

The Tom Ellis Meet and Greet I had this year. My life isn’tthat exciting that I had any other important things happen within the time span of 30 minutes

· 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Hard decision between growing up with an alcoholic Dad orhaving my sister.The history between me and my sister is long and full of hate for each other. No, you are not obligated to like each other just because you are family. No,not even if your ages are relatively close to each other.And well, then there is my Dad and nope, I’m not in contact with him anymore. I don’t even know if he is still alive since I know from my mom that he got diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor earlier this year. And to be honest, I don’t care at all.

· 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Whereare you gonna go?

Since I’m going to Los Angeles anyway soon (Because Ihave the best friends who gifted me the plane tickets and everything so I cansee the Lucifer sets T_____T) I would say Norway or something like that.I really REALLY hate the cold weather, but I would love to experience a realhusky mushing/ dog sledding tour.

· 96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Nope, not to my knowledge

· 98: Ever been on a plane?

Yes, exactly one time, in January this year to go toBrighton to the first LUX Convention

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

I’m not the one who should speak to the world. And itdoesn’t matter anyway if nobody is really listening if you know what I mean. Iprobably would ask if they would be willing to REALLY listen to people likeGreta Thunberg and the scientists again.

[silverfootstepswrites]

Butterfly [33]

summary A little something.

Shikamaru sat at the shogi board, arms crossed. His foot tapped in time to the song playing from inside the house. The doors to the terrace were wide open. Kiba lay in the newly-freed space on his stomach, face held up in his hands. The sheets draped across the clothesline flapped in the background. 

Itachi picked up a wooden piece and dropped it onto another square. 

Shikamaru promptly rearranged one of his pieces. 

“Checkmate,” he declared. 

Itachi sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “You’re tough, Nara-sensei.” Shikamaru smiled a little before he began resetting the board. 

“Hey! Can someone come help me for a sec?” Sakura’s voice floated from inside the house. Kiba hoisted himself up on his forearms, like he was getting ready to stand. When Itachi wasn’t looking, Shikamaru grabbed one of the shogi pieces off the board and flung it. It smacked Kiba on the arm. Kiba glared at him. Shikamaru made a face, eyes darting pointedly from Itachi’s turned back to the house. When Kiba continued to stare, Shikamaru threw another piece. It caught Kiba in the chin this time. Kiba still looked lost.

Rolling his eyes, Shikamaru nudged Itachi’s leg with his foot. 

“Loser goes,” he said. Itachi gave a good-natured shake of his head as he got to his feet. He stepped around Kiba to head inside the house. Kiba’s eyes followed him before he looked back at Shikamaru. 

“Really?” he asked. Shikamaru didn’t answer. He busied himself setting the wooden tiles back in the right spots. Kiba rolled onto his back, arms splaying out at his sides. He crossed his right leg over his left knee, considering it for a while.

“Huh.... okay,” Kiba declared to the heavens.

“Anything you’d like to say to your fans?” the reporter asked. 

Haku smiled, one of his dimples showing. “Um, well, of course I want to thank them. They’ve been with me through the best and the worst seasons. And it makes such a huge difference knowing that there are people really cheering me on.” The interviewer nodded. But then the glint in Haku’s eye changed.

“But there is one special fan I’d like to address,” he added. 

Sakura lifted her head. She raised a chunk of steamed broccoli to her mouth. At the bottom of the screen was a banner that read Shimizu Haku, 2-Time World Champion. 

“You’d better keep your promise,” Haku then said, pointing directly at the screen. 

Sakura’s teeth crunched through the broccoli. 

“Yeah sure. As soon as you fix that sloppy right leg,” she retorted. 

Shizune turned to look at her. “Are you talking to the TV, Haruno-sensei?” she asked. And then she looked at the TV on the other side of the faculty room. 

Asuma had found it while cleaning out his home a couple weeks ago and brought it to school. Sometimes it played the morning news on mute or re-runs from last night’s soap opera. But when there was a skating event on, everyone agreed that Sakura had absolute control over the remote. 

“Are you talking about one of his quads?” Orochimaru asked, settling next to her. The rolling chair creaking under the new weight. He had gone back to his office to grab his glasses. 

“The toe loop. He’s been under-rotating it a lot,” answered Sakura. Orochimaru adjusted his glasses before he opened up his laptop. He already had two windows open. 

On the left side was a website that listed the starting order for the men’s singles. On the right side was a spread sheet. 

“I’m a little worried for our Haku. That boy from Russia has been doing well lately,” remarked Orochimaru, refreshing the page on the left side. 

Sakura shrugged. She pointed at the TV with a piece of chicken held between her chopsticks. 

“He gets nervous during the big competitions and falls a lot. As long as Haku skates a clean program, he’ll be fine,” replied Sakura. 

“And then there’s that kid from America. They’re calling him the quad king,” Orochimaru went on. Sakura paused in the middle of chewing as she considered this. And then she resumed eating. She nodded as she swallowed her food.

“Yeah, he’s a beast. But he’s still developing his artistry. I can guarantee that Haku still has that edge over him this season,” Sakura told him. With that, she closed the container that she had packed her lunch in. All that was left were a few stray bits of broccoli that had fallen off the florets. She placed her chopsticks on top of the lid before she took a long swig from her water bottle. Orochimaru stared at her over his glasses.

“Why do you say that?” asked Orochimaru. 

“We’re very excited to see how Shimizu-senshu performs today. Notably, both his short and free programs were choreographed by Haruno Sakura this season. Many see it as her last gift to the skating world,” the reporter said, looking straight into the camera now. As the reporter went on about how it was well-known how close Sakura and Haku were, and how they trained under the same coach, Orochimaru’s jaw dropped.

“Oh. The first skater’s going on, Sensei,” Sakura said, pointing at the TV. Trying her best to put on a serious face. 

Unsurprisingly, Haku placed first for his short program. He lost points for under-rotating his toe loop. And Sakura made a mental note to chew him out over it the next time they spoke. They didn’t have a chance to watch the concluding interviews and press conference because lunch time was over. She waved goodbye to the other teachers in the faculty room before she headed to the library. To her surprise, Naruto was sitting at one of the wooden tables.

“Naruto, the bell’s about to ring. What’re you doing here?” she demanded. He sprang to his feet, grinning. 

“He got first!” Naruto declared. Sakura smiled, leaning against the counter. 

“Yes he did. You’re excited, huh?” replied Sakura. Which was a stupid question to ask someone who had a Haku keychain dangling from his backpack. 

“I don’t want to be a pest, but.... could you do me a favor, Nee-chan?” asked Naruto, taking a few steps toward her. The puppydog eyes already on full strength. Sakura glared. 

“I mean, Sensei,” he amended. Her expression relaxed. 

“Could you tell him that I say ‘congrats’?” he requested. Practically quivering with excitement. Sakura let out a sigh. As if she could say no to that face. 

“Sure. Now get to class,” she relented. Naruto did a silent happy dance. (This was a library, after all.) And then he squeezed her in a quick hug before he ran off to class. 

The following day was a Saturday. Which was a blessing for Sakura, because it meant that she could watch skating without worrying about any interruptions. But because the events wouldn’t take place until later the evening, Sakura found herself with a free day. 

She went on a run with Akamaru before heading to the rink. Itachi dropped by a little while later. He held up several ovals of tinfoil, waving them around to get her attention. Sakura held her arms out at her sides, taking off on her left foot. The rink spun past two and a half times before she landed on her right skate. She pulled her earbuds out as she glided over to Itachi. 

“Hi!” she said, trying to catch her breath. 

Itachi leaned on the edge of the rink, arms dangling in front of him. He held out one of the foil packages out to her. Sakura accepted it with both hands. Her eyes widened.

“Ooh! Warm!” she exclaimed. 

“I ran into Nara-kun. He asked me to drop these off,” Itachi told her. 

Sakura bit the wrist of her glove. With a jerk of her head, she peeled it off her hand. Still holding the glove between her teeth, she began pulling the foil off the sweet potato. Steam rose in little spurts, making her wince. Laughing, Itachi reached out. She handed the potato over. 

“Are you not good at handling hot things?” asked Itachi. He began unwrapping the potato. He blew on it a little, but managed the whole affair with fewer theatrics.

Sakura pulled her other glove off. Then slapped both down on the side of the rink. The reclaimed her potato with eager fingers wiggling. 

“Thank you! I was starving!” sighed Sakura before she took a bite. Blowing and wincing as the still-steaming food burned the roof of her mouth. Itachi watched her eat, laughing at her changing expressions. He rested his cheek on his palm, eyes drifting down to his watch before they moved back up to her face. 

“So you haven’t had lunch yet?” guessed Itachi. 

“Nope. I was going to eat when I got home. My usual gourmet affairs,” replied Sakura. They laughed together at that. 

It had become a running joke between them. When one of them inevitably ruined food with their awful cooking skills, they sent the other a picture. Usually with some caption like ‘Iron Chef status’ or ‘Bon appetit’. Just last night, Itachi had sent a photo of steak that had turned into charcoal with the message ‘If I squeeze this, it might turn into a diamond’. 

That had given her a good laugh.

Sakura took another bite of potato. When she looked up, Itachi was miming rubbing the right side of his mouth. Sakura copied him, but on the wrong side. He laughed a little. 

“You do it then!” she huffed, leaning in close. His thumb rubbed the crumbs off her face, surprisingly gentle. She drew back, rubbing her palm over the spot he had just touched. Like she was checking to make sure he had done his job properly. 

After she had finished the sweet potato, she drank some of her water. It had helped soothe the rumblings deep in her stomach. But she knew it wouldn’t last for long. And as if reading her mind, Itachi held up the second potato. 

“No. That’s alright. I think I’ll run through this a few more times and call it a day,” answered Sakura. 

It surprised her a little when he didn’t budge. Instead Itachi stood there, unwrapping the sweet potato to eat it himself. She wasn’t bothered by having company, though. She stuck her earbuds back in, starting a new track. She did a couple laps around the rink, shaking out her shoulders as it played through the introduction. Her routine didn’t start until the second verse. 

But on the cue, her blades angled. They cut through the ice, snow rising off the surface as she gathered speed. Her eyes drifted shut as she let the beats guide through. The music flowed through her, filling her all the way to her fingertips. Her wrists softening as she raised her arms above her head. 

The first jump went perfectly. A triple flip was one she had mastered during her junior days. But as she transitioned into the axel, she could feel that her balance was off. Her hands flew out, catching her before her face could hit the ice. Palms stinging, she got to her feet. Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see that Itachi had stopped eating. 

This wasn’t the first time she had fallen, though. And it certainly wasn’t the worst. She scooped up a handful of snow and rubbed it between her hands to ease the worst of the pain as she took off again. She had to focus for a moment to figure out which part of the routine the song had moved onto. Sakura eased back into the rhythm like she had never left it. Her eyes drifting shut, just for a second, as the cold air whipped past her cheeks.

The triple lutz- triple toe came to her easily. Her left leg swung around after the lutz. Toe pick digging into the ice to launch her into the consecutive jump. The world blurring past too quickly for her to see properly. Just her body felt how right that landing was. 

As the song came to a close, she spun. One hand reaching for the ceiling, the other held close to her chest. And she knew that if she drew her arms close to her body, her rotations would speed up. If she held them out, the rotations would slow. She knew what would happen if she angled her blades one way, how they would sound grating against the ice.

But as she turned toward the other side of the rink, she didn’t realize that Itachi would be turning his head to dry his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt. She hurried over to him. 

“Are you alright?” Sakura demanded. When she reached for him, he caught sight of the scrapes across her palms. The deepest one still oozing little droplets of blood. 

And Itachi began to chuckle, baffling her. She just stood there, staring at him as he finally lifted his head. “You’re really incredible. Do you know that?” he asked her. 

“Huh?” was all she could say in return. 

Sakura plucked a few tissues from the box resting on the rink. When she handed them over to him, Itachi used them to dab at her palms instead. He continued laughing like he had just witnessed something incredibly funny. And then he closed her fingers around the tissue to keep pressure on the bleeding.

“You’re just used to this, aren’t you?” Itachi inquired. 

Finally. Something he said that made sense to her.

“Well, yeah. For every time I nail a landing, I’d guess I’ve fallen about a thousand times? Maybe more,” Sakura said, head tilting to one side as she did the calculations. And then her gaze turned back to Itachi. He slowly released her hand, like he hadn’t realized he was still holding it. 

“It’s not worth crying over, though,” she added. 

Their eyes met. And Itachi smiled again. But it was different this time. He nodded.

“You’re right,” he agreed. 

Sakura decided that this was a good point to stop for the day. Itachi insisted that he was alright, but she wasn’t quite sure if she believed him. She unlaced her boots and stepped into sneakers. Slipping the covers over her blades, she slung her skates over her shoulder. 

“Come on. Minato-san probably wants to resurface the ice before the afternoon classes,” Sakura said, jerking her head toward the door. Kushina waved at them as they walked past. 

Itachi followed her through the lobby, outside the building. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Sakura asked one more time as they headed down the road. They kept to one side, crunching through gold and orange leaves. 

“I’m fine,” Itachi assured her. But she could still feel his eyes on her when she looked away. 

They walked for several more minutes before Sakura squinted at something up ahead. Hands in her pockets, she craned her neck to get a better look.

“Is that a child?” Itachi murmured. Sakura’s eyes widened.

“Mirai-chan?” Sakura called. The child’s head turned toward her. Sakura took off in a run, leaves scattering in her wake. Her duffle bag banging against her thigh. She crouched in front of the little girl, reaching out with both hands. Mirai grasped them, grinning. 

“Sakura-tan!” she exclaimed. 

Mirai was all bundled up in a purple sweater and boots. A little crossbody bag in the shape of a frog completed her ensemble. Sakura lifted her head, looking around the street for any sign of Asuma, Kurenai, or even Old Man Sarutobi. But all she could see were some of the neighborhood kids. 

Sakura heard leaves crunching behind her as Itachi caught up. 

“Good morning, Mirai-chan,” Itachi said. Mirai’s eyes widened.

“Good morning, Sensei,” she replied, bowing a little. 

“Mirai-chan, where are Mama and Papa?” Sakura asked. Mirai’s hands slipped out of hers. She raised them high in the air. 

“Not here! I’m by myself!” declared Mirai. Sakura began fumbling around her jacket for her phone. 

But she stopped when she heard Itachi ask, “Are you out on your first errand, Mirai-chan?”

Mirai nodded. And then she reached inside her vest pocket to pull out a piece of stationary. It was yellow with little chicks decorating the borders. Sakura recognized the neat handwriting. Mirai squinted at the paper. 

“Um.... Mama wants... k.. ka...” Mirai tried to read. Itachi tilted his head to read. 

“Ketchup?” he suggested. 

Mirai’s ponytail bobbed as she nodded. “Ketchup and... a kiwi.” And then she looked into Sakura’s face. 

“Mama is busy so I’m helping!” she announced. 

That didn’t stop Sakura from fretting. Every child had their first errand. Moms and dads sent their children out to learn to be independent. Usually it was to go buy something simple or to deliver something to a neighbor. But Mirai was so tiny. And her house was on the north side of town, which meant that she had already taken a wrong turn by coming this way. 

Sakura cringed. She wanted so desperately to take Mirai to the store. But by doing so, she would get in the way of Mirai learning an important lesson. 

As Sakura sat fretting, Itachi crouched beside her. So that he was eye level with Mirai. 

“Actually, Mirai-chan, you reminded me that I need to go to the store today. Do you think you could tell me how to get there?” Itachi requested. Mirai’s brow furrowed. She looked at the direction they had come from. And she spotted the ocean in the distance. Then she turned to look behind her. Realization lit up her eyes. 

“The store is there!” she declared, pointing in the right direction. 

Sakura let out a sigh of relief. 

Itachi got to his feet. Holding his hand over his eyes, he stared out into the distance. 

“Really? Do you think you could help me, Mirai-chan? I think I might get lost,” Itachi asked, looking back down at the little girl. She seemed to consider this carefully. And then she held up her hand. 

“Okay,” Mirai agreed. Itachi grasped her hand. And then he turned his head to look at Sakura. 

‘Thank you,’ she mouthed. Itachi winked before Mirai began pulling him down the street. 

“You have to hold hands so you don’t get separated. Papa says so,” Mirai told Itachi. 

“Hm. Your papa is smart, Mirai-chan,” Itachi replied as they headed toward the grocery store. 

There was a knock on Sakura’s door about about an hour later. 

“I’m out here!” she called from the terrace. There was a pause. And then she heard footsteps crunching through the leaves. Itachi’s head popped up around the corner. 

“Sarutobi Mirai successfully bought her ketchup and kiwi,” he reported. 

Sakura sat up straight, her book falling into her lap. 

“Thank goodness. But that took so long,” she remarked, glancing down at her watch. Itachi walked the rest of the way over to her. He sat on the terrace, kicking off his shoes before he crossed his legs. 

“I secretly followed her to make sure she got home safe, of course,” Itachi added. And Sakura imagined him hiding behind telephone poles and mailboxes as he watched the toddler amble down the street. She laughed until she noticed him setting a plastic bag down beside him. 

“What’s that?” Sakura queried. 

“Well, I told Mirai-chan that I had to buy something. It would be suspicious if I just went into the store and stared at her the whole time,” replied Itachi. He pulled out two convenience store bentos. They were still a little warm as he slid one over to Sakura. 

“I know you absolutely love cooking for yourself. Sorry to ruin your day,” he said to her, holding out a pair of chopsticks. 

Accepting the chopsticks, Sakura smiled. 

Breaking the chopsticks apart, she declared, “Bon appetit.”

[chaos-and-recover]

DO THE REST OF THE NUMBERS

YOU DEMON.

But okay.

1. First things first, did you have a good year?

I’d say yeah, I did.

2. How old did you turn this year?

32. Gross.

3. Do you feel your age?

Not even a little bit.

4. Did your appearance change in anyway?

I cut my hair in July and got a new tattoo in September, so those things. I guess I should’ve included the tattoo in the last answer, lol.

5. Post your favorite selfie.

6. If you traveled, where did you go?

I went to London, ON (hey it counts), Providence, RI, Sayreville, NJ, Detroit, MI, Las Vegas, NV and Ottawa, ON.

7. Which fashion trends did you love?

I’m here for ripped jeans and denim vests & jackets.

8. Which fashion trends did you hate?

LOOK 90S FASHION WAS NOT GOOD AND DOES NOT NEED TO BE BACK AS HARD AS IT IS. OVERALLS ARE FOR NOBODY. PLEASE LET FLORAL PRINT NONSENSE DIE. IF YOU CAN FIND IT AT URBAN OUTFITTERS YOU SHOULD LEAVE IT THERE.

9. What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible?

I was really into this outfit that I bought in Vegas while drunk (well the leggings actually came from Marshall’s and I was less drunk when I bought them):

Please ignore everything you see in that room.

10. What song sums up this year for you?

One song? I’m gonna have to say All Of The Dead Girls by Dreamcar since it inspired me to change my horrible URL, lol.

11. What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then?

I’m not ready to shut up about how much I love “Stormchasers” by Lucky Boys Confusion yet. I love it so much. SO. MUCH.

12. What was your favorite movie of the year?

Probably Wonder Woman.

13. Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year?

Yeah, Gal Gadot. I love one (1) woman.

14. Favorite new TV show?

Listen I’m 100% on board with Floribama Shore and I will not apologize. It’s trash and I love it.

15. Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears?

You fucking AFI demons have ruined my life and I love all of you.

17. What food did you try for the first time?

Ok this is totally random in a “why the fuck didn’t you have that sooner” but cranberry sauce. I never ate it at Christmas/Thanksgiving but I tried it this year and... I have been SO blind.

21. Did you develop a new obsession?

I mostly just became overly invested in old ones.

22. Did you vote?

Nope. We didn’t have any elections this year.

23. Did you move?

Unfortunately I did not.

24. Did you get a job?

Nope, same two jobs I had last year.

25. Did you get a pet?

Nope.

26. Do you regret not doing anything?

Kinda regret not going to Chicago earlier this month as originally planned, but my reason for going was cancelled so it seemed kinda useless.

27. Do you regret doing something?

I don’t think I do actually.

28. Have you done anything that scared you?

I mean I went on a “business trip” and had to represent my company at an event which felt very grown up and intimidating but wasn’t actually that bad lol.

29. Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days?

Ok so I’ve been kind of salty towards this one guy I used to be really good friends with. I mean, we were really little when we were friends and whatever, people change and grow apart, it’s fine, but his family and my family have always been tight, tight enough that we were invited to his little sister’s wedding in October and he. Did. Not. Speak. To. ANY. Of. Us. Like I realized a few years ago that we’re not gonna be friends again (I tried, he was a pretentious dick about it, I gave up) but our families have known each other for thirty YEARS, you can acknowledge our existence maybe??? If not me then like, my mother, who is still your mother’s close friend??? Don’t be rude?????

30. Did you lose anyone close to you?

My Oma died in May. She was my last living grandparent. That was rough.

31. Did you fall in love?

Nope.

32. Did you fall out of love?

Nah.

33. Did you start a new relationship?

Hard no.

34. Did you go through a break up?

Luckily no.

35. Did you have to cut ties to someone?

I didn’t, so that’s a win.

37. Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year?

I’m actually capable of being chill about a former crush I had and not really giving a shit about his like, instagram posts and stuff. That’s lame but it was noooooot like that before lol.

38. If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it?

Not even gonna try to be cool about this and admit that I would go back to my Blood tour shows and maybe go to more.

39. What was the best moment of the year for you?

My lame ass met Davey Havok this year. And also Daveed Diggs.

40. What was the worst?

Yeah that’d be losing my Oma.

41. Did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t?

Not really, I don’t think? There was a uhhhh “scare” of sorts that might’ve changed some things but that didn’t happen so phew.

42. Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did?

I think that’s also a no, although the thing referenced in the last answer might have made me realize a thing or two about myself.

43. What are you most proud of accomplishing?

I don’t think I really accomplished anything lol

44. What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior?

I am maybe not as 100% into dudes only as previously believed?

45. Did your opinion of anyone change for the better?

I’ve made my peace with the knowledge that Andy Samberg as not as obnoxious as previously believed.

46. Did your opinion of anyone change for worse?

I mean, #MeToo happened so uh... a bunch of people.

47. If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year?

I hardly ever do resolutions and I don’t think I did them last year.

48. If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year?

I don’t see me making any this year lol

49. If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do?  Who would you go this?

I wouldn’t mind taking off to like, New York or something. With whoever wants to go. But I have shit to do all weekend and then it’s 2018 so.

50. What do you wish for others for the coming year?

Happiness and good health and that you can all find peace where you need it.

51. What do you wish for yourself?

Honestly I just need to get my life together.

[surveystodestressme]

21.

1. When you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? usually more milk than cereal

2. Do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a winter day? i love it!!! i can’t wait for that feeling, honestly

3. What random objects do you use to bookmark your books? like receipts, sometimes napkins or toilet paper, or usually whatever is near me when i need a bookmark

4. How do you take your coffee/tea? i have a lil sugar and some milk in my coffee, and a lot of sugar and sometimes honey in my tea

5. Are you self-conscious of your smile? not at all

6. Do you keep plants? i don’t have any plants inside my home.  we used to have a tomato plant outside but it never grew back

7. Do you name your plants? -

8. What artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? occasionally i draw and when i do i use permanent marker

9. Do you like singing/humming to yourself? sure, i don’t usually mean to hum but i sing to myself allll the time

10. Do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? it’s a mixture between my stomach and my side

11. What’s your inner joke you have with your friends? ummm, i have so many it’s hard to think of one right now though.

12. What’s your favourite planet? i think jupiter is incredibly fascinating

13. What’s something that made you smile today? seeing my sister graduate from retraining

14. If you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? i’d like a really nice apartment.  nothing too big or too small.  i want a large kitchen though, where there’s enough space for all of my stuff and so me and jack could coook together in a nice space.  i want the bathroom to have a tub/shower combo so we can take baths and showers together.  i don’t really care how big the bedroom is, but i want a walk in closet bc i have a lot of shit.  then i want the living room area to be big enough so we can both have our desks and computers in there, and our 2 couches that we already have.

15. Go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! “Neutron stars can spin at a rate of 600 rotations per second.”

16. What’s your favourite pasta dish? oh golly.  i love pasta salad.  i’m very picky on it though

17. What colour do you really want to dye your hair? purple

18. Tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. omg so one time i made videos on facebook for my friends when i was really young.  i made a video about stupid shit like unicorns and sex and my friends tagged me in it every single year to remind me about it until i eventually deleted it and now they found another one of those videos and they still bug me about it allll the time,

19. Do you keep a journal? What do you write/draw in it? yes, but i don’t write in it nearly as much as i used to

20. What’s your favourite eye colour? i don’t have one

21. Talk about your favourite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. well, my mother got me this really nice tote for christmas either last year or the year before and it is pink and grey striped and it says “punky” on it, which is my nickname.  i take it to work with me every day and i just love it to pieces... but it really needs to be washed lol.

22. Are you a morning person? absolutely not

23. What’s your favourite thing to do on lazy days where you have no obligations? i like to lay down and either watch a show or read

24. Is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? my boyfriend.

25. What���s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? i’ve broken into my own house before... actually, a few times

26. What are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i had a pair of moccasins that i wore with EVERYTHING but i just recently got rid of them because they were pretty nasty and worn down

27. What’s your favourite bubblegum flavour? anything fruity

28. Sunrise or sunset? sunset.

29. What’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? i love when jack talks about computer stuff, he loves it to much and it just makes me happy and kind of turns me on sometimes..

30. Think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yeah

31. What is your opinion of socks? Do you like wearing weird socks? Do you sleep with socks? Do you confine yourself to white sock hell? Really, just talk about socks. yeah, i love socks almost as much as i love shoes.  i never wear socks to bed because it makes me feel hot.  i do have white socks but they’re no show socks so nobody sees them anyways.  the weird thing is, i always have to buy new socks because i forget to cut my toenails and then they become talons and they cut through the fabric of my socks and then i have holes in my socks and i have to throw them away... lol.  it sucks

32. Tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with your friends. oh god.  my friends and i used to party a lot after we graduated high school.  i’ve definitely almost lost my virginity at one of those parties.  i also kind of threw myself at anyone there.  like, by the end of the night i had ended up kissing almost everyone at the party.  it was kind of pathetic and i;m very glad that i’m passed that.

33. What’s your favourite pastry? i don’t think i have one

34. Tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. What is it called? What does it look like? Do you still keep it? i never had a stuffed animal as a child.  i had a baby blankie that i just recently converted into a pillow case

35. Do you like stationery and pretty pens and so on? Do you use them often? nahh

36. Which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? i dunno, something mellow and relaxing

37. Do you like keeping your room messy or clean? clean

38. Tell us about your pet peeves! i have so many, man.  like, i had when i can hear people chewing on their food, when i am trying to sleep i need the room in complete silence and when someone (my cat or if i’m sleeping in the same room as someone else) makes noise it really pisses me off

39. What colour do you wear the most? black.

40. Think of a piece of jewellery you own: what’s its story? Does it have any meaning to you? i don’t wear a lot of jewelry to be honest.

41. What’s the last book you remember really, really loving? i just finished the illuminae books and they were terrific!

42. Do you have a favourite coffee shop? Describe it! i like the broken tree that’s a couple minutes driving distance from my house

43. Who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? jack probably

44. When was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? right now

45. Do you trust your instincts a lot? i try to

46. Tell us the worst pun you can think of. i am so not good with puns guys

47. What food do you think should be banned from the universe? beets.

48. What was your biggest fear as a kid? Is it the same today? oh god, i had a fear that something was going to come out of the toilet while i was sitting on it and eat me or drag me in or something.  and then after i watched the movie mirrors, i was terrified to look into any reflective surface (i still am sometimes)

49. Do you like buying CDs and records? What was the last one you bought? i haven’t bought any in a really long time

50. What’s an odd thing you collect? i collect shot glasses, but i don’t think that’s weird

51. Think of a person. What song do you associate with them? i think of same love when i think of my sister bc she’s gay lol

52. What are your favourite memes of the year so far? i’m not really into memes

53. Have you ever watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Heathers? Beetlejuice? Pulp Fiction? What do you think of them? i’ve actually never seen any of those but i really, really need to

54. Who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? this guy at red lobster who sat down before us but didn’t get waited on until 10 mins or so after we had gotten waited on, i felt bad 4 him

55. What’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? i’m so dramatic, man, i can only imagine

56. What are some things you find endearing in people? idk

57. Go listen to Bohemian Rhapsody. How did it make you feel? Did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i love that song! it makes me feel so many emotions, especially the first time i heard it.  i always dramatically lip sync that song lol i love it so much

58. Who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? Why? i am definitely the vodka aunt and i think my friend mariann would be the wine mom lol, just how our personalities would be

59. What’s your favourite myth? bigfoot

60. Do you like poetry? What are some of your favourites? i’m not a huge poetry person honestly.

61. What’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? The stupidest one you’ve ever received? i got a silly figurine last year that made no sense to me and i gave my brother a snuggie for his dick as a gag gift a few years back lol

62. Do you drink juice in the morning? Which kind? nope, but if i did it’d be apple juice

63. Are you fussy about your books and music? Do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be? yes  i have my books in alphabetical order according to series and stuff like that.  and then i have the books i haven;t read on a second shelf so i know that i need to read them

64. What colour is the sky where you are right now? black.

65. Is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? of course

66. What would your ideal flower crown look like? light blue, dark blue, purple, and red.  big big flowers

67. How do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? i actually really like them

68. What’s winter like where you live? it’s freezing as hell.

69. What are your favourite board games? i feel like i’ve answered this question soooo many times

70. Have you ever used a ouija board? my friend used to have one but i am not into that freaky shit

71. What’s your favourite kind of tea? lipton? lol

72. Are you a person that needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yeah

73. What are some of your worst habits? i bite my nails a lot, and the skin around my nails.  and i bike the inside of my cheek and my lips a lot.

74. Describe a good friend of yours without using their name of gendered pronouns. idk

75. Tell us about your pets! okay so we have this sweet boy named boone he’s 1 and he is a mini aussie with one blue eye and an eye that’s half blue and brown he’s really dopey.  we are babysitting my sisters dogs ava (4) and laklyn (1), laklyn is brown and has lil freckles on her face and she’s boones sister and ava is their aunt.  i have a gray and white kitty named boots, she’s 3 and she is the cuddliest and sweetest cat in the world she even gives kisses.  then there’s kitten who is a black 20lb monster of a cat she’s 5 and she pees everywhere because she’s a bitch.  then we have taz who is a fluffy calico who is afraid of everything in the entire house, she has a snaggletooth.  then there’s egg who is a large tiger striped kitty, egg loves attention & her and taz are sisters and are both about 12.

76. Is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? sleeping

77. Pink or yellow lemonade? either or

78. Are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? i can’t stand the damn minions

79. What’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? jack bought me boots on our anniversary shortly after my baby passed away

80. What colour are your bedroom walls? Did you choose that colour? If so, why? purple

81. Describe one of your friends’ eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. striking.

82. Are/were you good in school? it’s a good school, yeah

83. What’s some of your favourite album art? idk man

84.  Are you planning on getting tattoos? Which ones? yep!! tons

85. Do you read comics? What are your favourites? kickass and scott pilgrim

86. Do you like concept albums? Which ones? sure

87. What are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? the saw movies!!!

88. Are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? all of ‘em

89. Are you close to your parents? i think so.  more so to my mother

90. Talk about one of your favourite cities. idon’t have one

91. Where do you plan on travelling this year? i don’t have a plan to travel anywhere this year,  but next year jackson wants to go to visit his family in south carolina

92. Are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i’d rather have a lot than a little

93. What’s the hairstyle you wear the most? my hair down bc it’s too short to do anything with right now

94. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? uhhh... my mother a few days ago actually

95. What are your plans for this weekend? the weekend is almost over lol

96. Do you install your computer updates really quickly, or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastinate

97. Myer Briggs type, Zodiac sign, and Hogwarts house? idk, aries, and slytherin

98. When’s the last time you went hiking? Did you enjoy it? it’s beena  really long time, and i really did enjoy it

99. List some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. idk

100. If you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go five years into the past, the other five years into the future, which one would you press? Why? definitely five years into the future.  i would just want to see how everything is in my life, see if it turned out how i wanted it to.

[theamericanjewitch]

Mun interview

1) Are you really ready for 111 questions? Yes! 2) Where are you taking this test at? Work 3) Was your last real relationship a mistake? Yes. Because apparently it was nothing more than a ‘fling’ to them when originally they’d told me were partners. 4) Who did you last say “I love you” to? My mom 5) Do you regret it? Never 6) Have you ever been depressed? I have depression and am dealing with it right now 7) Are you a boy or girl? I’m a girl 8) Do you have a job? Yup. 9) What is your relationship status? I have poly partners (2 to be exact) but they feel more like cuddle buddies than dating… so I’d go with saying I’m single 10) How do you want to die? … Given my current emotional state it’s better I don’t answer this one. 11) What did you last eat? Egg and Cheese quesadilla 12) Played any sports? Yoga, Swimming, and Self Defense for a bit 13) Do you bite your nails? No. 14) When was your last physical fight? Never 15) Do you have an attitude? I’m sarcastic and sassy 16) Do you like someone? …No. Not any more 17) What is your real name? Gabriela Matana K------ (Full Names have power) 18) What is the background of you computer screen? It rotates my cosplay photos with my friends 19) Are you gonna get high later? I will never do drugs 20) Do you hate anyone at the moment? Yes. At least 3 people. All of whom led me on and then treated me like a fucking dirty secret afterwards. They lied and denied our relationship, and claimed they did nothing wrong. 21) Do you miss someone? Yes. Several people. 22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti? twirl 23) Do you tan a lot? I burn. 24) Have any pets? At my moms I have a Yorkey named Chief 25) How exactly are you feeling?! Numb on the inside 26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving? Yes 27) Ever made out in the bathroom? No 28) Would you take any of your exes back? FUCK NO

29) Are you afraid of spiders? Ish 30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Yes! 31) Do you regret anything from your past? Yes 32) What are your plans for this weekend? Friday to Saturday with my friend CC, Saturday to Sunday with my younger biological sister, Sunday to Monday I’m going to a Ranch with my older biological sister to go horseback riding and unwind. 33) Do you want to have kids? I would like to adopt 34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an M? Yes. 35) Do you type fast? Yup 36) Do you have piercings? Ears 37) Want any more? I want a 2nd ear piercing 38) Can you spell well? Uh… FUCK YES 39) Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes… absolutely. 40) What are you craving right now? Dark Chocolate 41) Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes 42) Have you ever been to jail? Hell Nope 43) Have you ever been on a horse? Yup once when I was little 44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck? NO 45) Have you ever broken someone’s heart? …maybe? 46) Have you ever been cheated on? Yes. 47) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Yes. It was mutual crying though. 48) What time is it currently? 10:45 am 49) Would you live with someone without marrying them? Sure 50) What should you be doing? Nothing I’m on my lunch break. 51) What’s irritating you right now? The World… and myself. 52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? Yes. 53) Does somebody love you? Yes. 54) What is your favorite color? Purple 55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? Yes 57) Do you have trust issues? Yes, and abandonment issues 58) You are over half way done with this. Are you sure you want to continue? Sure. 59) Do you have any siblings? I’m adopted from birth, from my adopted parents (who are divorced and remarried to new people) I have a stepbrother and sister, I have 2 half sisters and 1 half brother.

Biologically I have an older and younger half sister. 60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Mom and Stepdad I’m close with. My stepmother is emotionally abusive and my dad is uninvolved. 61) Do you live with anyone? Nope. 62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? I don’t even fucking care. 63) Who was the last person you cried in front of? No one. I cry alone and silently. 64) Do you give out second chances too easily? Yes. And I need to stop. 65) Is it easier to forgive or forget? I wish I could forget. 66) Is this year the best year of your life? 2016 and 2017 have been shit for me. 67) What was your childhood nickname? Gobstopper, Lobster, Nobster, Keiko, Darcy, Gabster. 68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked? Fuck no 69) What is your motto in life? All of us lay in the gutter but some of us are looking up at the stars ~ Oscar Wilde 70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yes, we just may not know what it is just yet. 71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Watched youtube and played tsume tsume 72) Do you have a best friend? Yes. 73) What is bothering you? My entire life. 74) Have you ever been out of your country? Yes 75) Do you play the Wii? Meh. Give me an Xbox 76) Are you listening to music right now? Yes. Halsey. 77) Do you like Chinese food? Love it. 78) Do you know your fathers b- day? January 25th 79) Are you afraid of the dark? Very 80) Is cheating ever okay? FUCK NO 81) Are you mean? Hufflepuff’s can be VICIOUS when slighted. 82) Can you keep white shoes clean? No 83) What was the last song you listened to? Issue’s – Julie Michaels 84) Do you believe in true love? Fuck no 85) What are you currently wearing? Red jeans, tennis shoes, and a Gambit from X-men t-shirt 86) What do you wear to bed? Nothing. 87) What is the weather like right now? TOO FUCKING HOT 88) Do you like the outside? Meh. If it’s overcast or rainy 89) Are you currently bored? A little bit 90) Do you wanna get married? It is my life goal 91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? If it’s a girl I don’t mind, but it’s kinda creepy if a dude does it  92) Are you hungry? No

93) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? I hate even the IDEA of making out. 94) What makes you happy? Puppies, cute animals 95) Would you change your name? No 96) Ever been to Alaska? No 98) Do you watch the news? Nope, I watch Trevor Noah and Philip D Franco 99) What’ s your zodiac sign? Pisces/Leo 100) Do you like Subway? Sometimes yeah. 101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? No 102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Seeing as he’s my brother and engaged to be married…. 103) Do you talk like your friends? Don’t really pay attention. 104) What do you plan to do with the rest of your day? Work, get shit done, then see Spiderman and Apes in theaters with a friend. 105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them? Uh, fuck yes. 106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? My big bro in all but blood, John 107) who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? Andres 108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes? Yes. I hate the smell.  109) Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? My coworker 110) Favorite lyrics right now? Wish I could be just a little less dramatic Like a Kennedy when Camelot went down in flames Leave it to me to be holdin’ the matches When the fire trucks show up and there’s nobody else to blame Can’t get revenge and keep a spotless reputation Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make My mama came from a softer generation Where you get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face Go and fix your make up, girl, it’s just a break up Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady 'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together Even when you fall apart But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart Powder your nose, paint your toes Line your lips and keep 'em closed Cross your legs, dot your eyes And never let 'em see you cry

-Miranda Lambert “Mama’s Broken Heart”

111) Tag 10 people

@amagizoologistscase @creatureprotector @percival-grave-s @allforthegreatergood @loveisforchildren-percivalgraves @tolcveistodestrcy

[newstfionline]

‘Powerhouse of prayer:’ Millennials are drawn to monastic life in Prairie du Sac

Katelyn Ferral, The Capital Times, Mar 1, 2017

PRAIRIE DU SAC--Sister Christina Marie, 33, was an entomologist. Sister Mary Benedicta, 36, studied to be an aeronautical engineer. And Sister Mary Bede, 30, intended to become a professional violinist.

They left those lives to become nuns, cloistered together at Valley of Our Lady Monastery in a small village in Sauk County. It’s home to a Cistercian order, the only Catholic convent of its kind in the country.

In four weeks, Erin Wells, 24, heads there, too.

She’ll come from her parents’ house in Columbus, Ohio, after earning a degree in mechanical engineering from Ohio State University. She’ll sell her car, get rid of most of her possessions and bring only a few things, including a Bible and her rosary.

“I went to college thinking I was going to be an engineer, work for Honda and travel to Japan all the time,” she said, “and be rich and write a book and be on the New York Times best-seller list.”

Now Wells is set to be part of an ancient tradition of communal religious life known as contemplative monasticism. She will live simply, becoming singularly focused on prayer, talking and listening to God without distraction.

“I’ve thought about serving in various ways, but ultimately what would fulfill me the most would be to hold the world in my heart and pray for them,” she said.

Wells will be one of growing number at Valley of Our Lady, an outlier in a 40-year downward trend in women entering convents. With 21 nuns once Wells joins this month, the convent will be at full capacity, millennials comprising more than one-third of the group.

Although the monastery in Prairie Du Sac is growing, nationwide, the number of nuns and priests has decreased dramatically. In 1965, there were 179,954 religious sisters in the U.S. Last year, there were 47,170, according to the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate (CARA), a nonprofit research group affiliated with Georgetown University.

If current trends continue, there would be fewer than 1,000 religious sisters in the United States in 2043 as they die out, according to CARA.

Wells will enter the monastery’s ranks as a postulant, a “trying it out” position that lasts one year. She’ll continue to go through phases called “formation,” eventually wearing a white robe and veil and taking a religious name. Five years from now, she will decide whether to make a permanent vow.

Until then, like others at the monastery, she will live a radically austere life behind closed doors, working out the mystery of what she views as a distinct calling from God.

This begins by waking up at 3:30 a.m. every morning to pray, one of seven formal times throughout the day. The sisters also attend mass before an 8:30 p.m. bedtime.

They can speak to one another during 15 minutes of recreation time each evening. On Sundays, they get 30 minutes.

The rest of the time, they are silent.

The sisters’ daily life includes various jobs to maintain the convent and running a business baking Catholic Communion breads to support themselves.

They maintain simplicity by making their own clothes. Their meals are basic and unchanging, mostly eggs, tuna, cheese, bread and beans.

Every part of cloistered convent life points toward prayer, said Sister Anne Marie, the prioress, or head nun at Valley of Our Lady.

“When we can keep our life simple, then we can keep a balance of work and prayer,” she said. “Most people in the world don’t have the luxury of meeting seven times a day for prayer, but it is very essential to our life. That’s why we’re here.”

Sisters who have made permanent vows have email addresses but don’t peruse websites. Sister Anne Marie assigns one nun to scan the internet briefly each day, only to find subjects for which to pray. A headline is all it takes.

People can also leave prayer requests on the sisters’ answering machine (press 1 for that option when calling) or mail in requests. Asking God to help other people is at the core of their conversations with him, said the prioress.

“Most of the time it’s a walk in faith. Most of the time we have no idea who we prayed for and how God took care of it,” she said. “We join together with people praying for people and it’s just one of the great blessings and mysteries of our life.”

Sometimes Sister Anne Marie prays by geographic region, she said, but her prayer focus varies.

While Wisconsin’s Cistercians sleep, there are others praying around the world. There is a Cistercian monastery in every time zone, she said.

“The young people have this expression, ‘You’re in my face.’ Well, we’re in God’s face. God is being pestered all the time, we don’t leave him alone,” she said. “The pestering is: ‘Lord have mercy, your people are hurting.’”

That kind of prayer, facilitated by a set-apart life of silence, solitude and manual labor, is what draws Wells to the convent.

Should she change her mind, however, Wells can leave at any time before she takes permanent vows.

“It’s not everyone’s vocation and sometimes the only way you can figure out is if you come,” said Sister Anne Marie. “It’s pretty easy for them to know, are they happy? Are they at peace? Can they live the life? Those things show up. We’re not going to keep someone here who is not happy. We’re not going to keep someone here who is not at peace. When they come they still receive grace and help for whatever God is going to call them to later.”

Even permanent vows can be broken, though it is considered extremely serious. Permanent vows include one of obedience.

“We take a vow of obedience which is probably the hardest,” said Sister Christina Marie, who helps run the convent’s bakery. “Having my own life and my own will, having license to do whatever I want, will really just make you miserable. Really, that self-offering, that self-giving love is really where true freedom is found.”

Valley of Our Lady Monastery is a series of cobbled together buildings on 112 acres of farmland. It was founded in 1957 when six nuns from a Cistercian convent in Frauenthal, Switzerland, arrived on Thanksgiving. “Frauenthal” is German for “valley of our lady.”

“The six sisters didn’t know English, they didn’t know our culture and they came with such great courage. They had next to nothing,” said Sister Anne Marie.

From six nuns, the order grew to more than 10 and stagnated. One or two new nuns would come every few years and usually leave.

“The foundresses in their broken, thickly German-accented English would say, ‘They comes and they goes and mostly they goes,’” said Sister Anne Marie.

At the foundation of Cistercian spirituality is simplicity and a vow to be poor like Jesus Christ. Cistercian communities typically live in the country. Early European Cistercians were some of the original swamp drainers, emptying them to build monasteries because they couldn’t afford better land.

“We are known for being given lots of swamps, but again the Holy Spirit comes to our aid and taught some monk how to drain them,” said Sister Anne Marie. “And the Cistercians became experts at draining swamps. Once they got them drained, they were a place you could live in without 5 million mosquitoes.”

It’s a common misconception that cloistered nuns don’t work.

At Valley of Our Lady Monastery, they run a business baking and selling Communion wafers, work that’s both a practical and spiritual necessity. The sisters also maintain and operate the convent building, cleaning, preparing meals, mowing the lawn in the summer and shoveling snow in the winter.

They work to pay their bills, but ultimately, it’s just another vehicle for prayer.

“This is our form of manual labor. It’s a good opportunity to pray while you’re working. It’s fairly repetitive, fairly simple. It is able to free your mind,” said Sister Christina Marie, who is in charge of packaging and shipping in the bakery. Valley of Our Lady sells its wafers to nearly 1,000 parishes nationwide. Last year, it shipped more than 12.9 million of them.

The work enhances the monastery’s mission as a “powerhouse of prayer,” said Sister Christina Marie.

The sisters rotate through work assignments but all nuns start in the convent’s bakery, making the unleavened, 2¾-inch discs. Wells will work there when she arrives.

Like everything else at the monastery, bakery work is silent, too. Sisters can only speak to the bakery manager if they have a question, not to each other.

For Wells, this bakery work will replace a job she was offered with General Electric. The opportunity was one she had worked for throughout school, but when she realized she was interested in religious life, her earlier career ambitions waned.

“I had the opportunities of the world laid out before me,” she said. “But ultimately, what would it amount to? What if I did end up high up in a big company with all the money and technology I could possibly want? What would it amount to? Nothing. Nothing compared with God.”

The Cistercian sisters at Valley of Our Lady don’t think of their former lives, attached to their old names and hobbies, as a loss.

Parents of cloistered nuns can especially struggle, wondering how their child could “give it all up” for the convent, never to return home. Nuns are not permitted to leave but families can visit them at the convent once a year.

Sister Christina Marie was Chrissy Murphy when she was researching microscopic insects and their role in soil decomposition in Puerto Rico. She had just graduated from the University of Colorado at Boulder with a master’s degree and had fallen “madly in love totally unexpectedly” and was planning on entering a Ph.D. program.

“Everything was falling into place except I didn’t have any peace about it,” she said. “There was still something not quite right and at this point in my life, I knew I needed to give God a chance.”

After “a great deal of agony and prayer and tears” she felt like she couldn’t make the commitment to the Ph.D. program. She left Puerto Rico and searched for a religious community. She wanted to try a cloistered, contemplative order and found Valley of Our Lady online. Sister Christina Marie entered as a postulant when she was 24, nine years ago.

She was drawn to the quiet thoughtfulness at the core of monastic life, and said it was how she related to her career in the world, too.

“Even in the world I would have been a contemplative scientist,” she said. Monastic life, she said, “just fed me more.”

Her colleagues and boyfriend were stunned.

“Yeah, people definitely just think you’re throwing your life away,” she said. “It’s really a great gain, just on a different plane. It requires a vision of faith to be able to understand the vocation because it is mystical.”

Though the sisters are separated from other people, “that’s just physically,” Sister Christina Marie said. “We’re very present to the sorrows and the joys and the struggles and the sufferings of the world. It is hard to explain what it is. It’s always something mysterious because God speaks to the heart and the individual in a mysterious way.”

She added: “No one can really totally explain what got them in the door and usually if someone can give you a detailed description of why they’re here, you might want to question their vocation.”

Wells said she is at peace with her impending move. She realized she wanted to be a nun when frustrations with dating led her to recognize and understand the idea of spiritual motherhood.

“The Lord revealed to me that what the religious life was, was to embrace the world as God’s children. Basically if I marry him, everyone is my child other than who my natural children would be if I were to marry someone else.”

The imagery of nuns being “brides of Christ” resonates more with some sisters than with others, said Sister Anne Marie. But human Christian marriage principles of lifelong fidelity and intimacy are reflected in the permanent vows of a cloistered nun.

“In a human marriage, the wife gives herself to her husband, the husband gives himself to the wife saying, ‘I want to journey my entire life with you in a very intimate way,’” she said. “When a cloistered nun makes solemn vows, we are basically saying to God, ‘I am yours, do with me whatever you will; because we know he only wills our best good.”

Of her earlier plans to become an engineer and travel, Wells said: “I was totally fine with letting it go when something better came up. There’s so many other people out there who could have been called to this.

“I get to spend all my time with Jesus, what else could you possibly want?”

Struggling to find fulfillment in a society fixated on personal achievement and run on social media can be a driver for some 20- and 30-somethings to consider religious life. The simplicity of setting aside everything else to pursue only God is attractive, the nuns said.

“They no longer carry the full weight of making themselves happy but it is through relationships with Jesus Christ that they grow into a person who is capable of supernatural love and is able to give that love to others,” said Father Greg Ihm, the vocations director for the Catholic Diocese of Madison, which has made a concerted effort to introduce religious life to young men in its parishes.

Although one may seek a silent and ordered lifestyle, it is not an escape, an end in itself for personal comfort, said Sister Marie-Pierre Sercer, 33, who has a degree in studio art and has been at Valley of Our Lady for 10 years.

It is about the person of Jesus Christ, she said.

“It’s not a spiritual career, it’s not a self-improvement program; it’s about a person: finding that person, learning more and more about that person, falling more and more deeply in love with that person, following that person wherever he leads you, even if that looks like a scary place.”

Wells feels similarly. For her, coming to Valley of Our Lady is the way she can best follow and serve Jesus.

“For one person, serving materially is what’s necessary, for another it’s prayer. Both are necessary to help the world,” she said. “I have to pray.”

[jamaisallee]

tag games

ok in the last little while i was tagged in 3 things (thank you very much) and instead of answering them in a timely fashion like a normal person i did them all today and i’m putting them under the cut here because they’re super long... i tag @thefoxystranger​ @thispieisworthit​ @havent-the-faintest​ @ballettrash​ @icarushugo​ @backstagefright​ @neontotoro​ and anyone else can say i tagged them to choose your favorite and do it!!

1. i was tagged by @icarushugo​, tysm!!!! i love these

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bag:

1. earbuds

2. crumpled origami cranes

3. too many dry pens and possibly one useable one

4. a nice gem if i’m feeling bad (lapis, jade, rose quartz, or blue lace agate depending on what i need)

5. if i have any cinnamon gum left

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bedroom:

1. my window seat!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. one of those rotating crystals that throws rainbows around the room i am gay

3. two ziplocks full of magazine cut-outs i’m not creative enough to actually collage with

4. too-small bookshelf

5. a wall of aesthetic shit, hard to explain and i love it but i also spend ages paranoid that everything’s crooked

Five Things I Want To Do With My Life:

1. .........staying alive until college hopefully (i’m sorry for the negativity but that’s sorta my priority rn)

2. fall in love again

3. write again

4. learn lots of languages

5. be someone’s mentor

Five Things That Make Me Happy:

1. authentic one-on-one time with friends

2. music

3. beautiful poetry/film/stories/etc

4. my sister when she’s in a good mood

5. little kids

Five Things On My To-Do List:

1. asl homework

2. other homework

3. make gifts for march-birthday friends

4. catch up on a bunch of tv shows

5. bake something for the pride dance our qsa is hosting!

Five Things People May Not Know About Me:

1. my family tends to bother me a lot but they’re also the only people who can really make me feel like myself

2. i used to live in lexington, ma where the first shot of the american revolution took place! pretty cool

3. i really like cities/crowds where i can be anonymous and there’s lots of neat characters to people-watch

4. i used to compete but now skate at a non-competitive rink where i’m on 2 skating teams chock-full of bossy straight girls but tbh i really like it, especially when the music blasts across the ice

5. i know all the words to every high school musical song

2. tagged by @ballettrash (hi there & thank you!!!! <3)

nicknames: nothing really, just cali

star sign: aries (doesn't fit me at all)

height: 5'8"

sexual orientation: queer

ethnicity: white

current time: 11:25 am

last thing i googled: “mitski san francisco” bc i’m trying to see if i can go to the concert

favorite music artist(s): right now, aurora! but i tend to like random songs rather than particular artists

song stuck in my head: signed, sealed, delivered (i'm yours) by stevie wonder

last movie i watched: keeping up with the joneses (with my family)

last tv show i watched: i’ve been watching so. much. friends. it cracks me up

what i’m wearing rn: black tee, pale jeans, oak-leaf socks, green keds

blog created: a little more than a year ago

follower count: reluctant to admit it's 71 (for the record i block all the bots/pornblogs)

why did i choose my url: it describes me pretty well, most of the time i want to be a fairy or a forest or something else please

gender: female

hogwarts house: used to be slytherin and i totally owned it, but i've changed a lot since then so idk

average hours of sleep: 8 :)))

lucky number: ???

favorite characters: amelie, lupin, tons of others i can’t think of

dream job: literary translator or esl/special education teacher maybe

number of blankets i sleep with: a sheet and either a quilt/comforter depending on the season

favorite fruit: nectarines

favorite season: fall

favorite book: can't choose, but harry potter has probably has made the biggest impact

favorite flower: chicory or lady of banks rose or cornflower or or or

favorite scent: my old house (laundry detergent sunlight and chamomile)

favorite color: blue-gray or midnight blue

favorite animal: fox

coffee, tea, or hot cocoa: tea

cat or dog person: as much as i love my pup, probably cats

dream trip: road trip in the pacific northwest with friends

3. tagged by @icarushugo​ again! <333 thank youuu

1: Are you named after someone?

my middle name (danae) is after my yaya

2: When was the last time you cried?

a couple days ago when my mom told me i might have to start eating meat again

3: Do you like your handwriting?

i actually love it

4: What is your favorite lunch meat?

...tofu (i'm veg)

5: Do you have kids?

no

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

self esteem says no, but i'd hope so

7: Do you use sarcasm?

ohhhh nooooo i never use sarcasm

8: Do you still have your tonsils?

yeah

9: Would you bungee jump?

i was about to say yes but the more i think about it i probably wouldn't and idk why

10: What is your favorite kind of cereal?

honey bunches of oats tbh

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

no

12: Do you think you’re a strong person?

no

13: What is your favourite ice cream? Ever, ever?

ever ever= dark cherry and vanilla, but if i can't have it then any peanut and chocolate combo is a+++

14: What is the first thing you notice about people?

probably the way they're standing (and the judgements that pop up based on that like are they confident or little or intimidating)

15: What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself?

this is a terrible question! in general my body image is a landmine, but i will say that sometimes i like my hair and my eyes and that i'm tall. anyone who i tag, you're welcome to turn this around to your favorite thing instead

16: What color pants and shoes are you wearing now?

blue jeans and pastel green keds

17: What are you listening to right now?

18: If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

i feel like a maroon but what do you guys think?

19: Favorite smell?

(like i said in the other one, my old house)

20: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

my sister asking her if she wanted us to pick up a smoothie

21: Favorite sport to watch?

skating!

22: Hair color?

no one can decide, especially because it changes with the seasons. i say it's like leaves in the gutter but my family calls it strawberry blond

23: Eye color?

blue

24: Do you wear contacts?

no, i'm the only family member with perfect vision!

25: Favorite food to eat?

right now i really like this apple-cinnamon butter from an orchard in my town in canada

26: Scary movies or comedy?

comedy, i don't see the appeal of scaring yourself for fun??

27: Last movie you watched?

keeping up with the joneses (w/ my family)

28: What color of shirt are you wearing?

black

29: Summer or winter?

winter

30: Hugs or kisses?

kisses

31: What book are you currently reading?

a complicated kindness by miriam toews

32: Who do you miss right now?

charlie but i'm working on it

33: What is on your mouse pad?

it's 2017 i barely remember what a mouse pad is

34: What is the last TV program you watched?

friends

35: What is the best sound?

there are so many good ones, but for sure one answer is whatever song you need to hear at that moment (does that count as cheating?)

36: Rolling stones or The Beatles

beatles all the way

37: What is the furthest you have ever traveled?

japan

38: Do you have a special talent?

i'm a good whistler, i can usually knot a cherry stem with my tongue and i have a really good shoot the duck (skating trick) and can do it either foot any direction

39: Where were you born?

chicago

[biofunmy]

Polyamory Works for Them – The New York Times

The Look

Having multiple partners can mean more pleasure, but it’s not always easy.

Photographs by Yael Malka

Text by Alice Hines

Produced by Eve Lyons

Through a half-century of sexual upheaval, monogamy has been a curious stalwart.

The tradition of having a single sexual partner is among the only sexual practices liberals and conservatives rarely disagree about. Its blandness belies mysterious origins: Scientists have yet to conclude why prairie voles, much less people, prefer to bond in long-term pairs.

Yet in certain concrete burrows, monogamy’s inverse is on the rise. Jade Marks, a 26-year-old artist and herbalist in the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn, recalled a recent post by a friend on Instagram: “Are there any other queers out there who are monogamous?”

That feeling may have something to do with the immediate environment. Most weekends in New York, a smattering of events cater to the non-monogamous. There are lecture series, workshops and discussion groups. There are cocktail hours and meet-and-greets. And there are, of course, parties.

On a recent Saturday night in Crown Heights, an angelic gatekeeper in a pastel harness did her best to assure a reporter that she wouldn’t be a total buzz kill at a private party of 200 mostly straight, mostly non-monogamous New Yorkers. “Just watching is O.K.!” she said outside the site, a loft lit like an infrared sauna. “Have a good time! Stay hydrated! And always ask for consent!”

Inside were some of the happiest-looking sober adults ever seen after 2 a.m. “It’s like ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ meets a Gaspar Noé film,” said a Scandinavian digital artist and recent Brooklyn transplant. He and his girlfriend were attending for the first time; they had read about the party, called NSFW, on the internet.

NSFW caters to the 25-to-35 age bracket, has an all-black dress code and is made up of 60 percent women, according to its founder, Daniel Saynt. Its application for membership requires a social media profile link (“It’s very curated,” Mr. Saynt said) and responses to open-ended and check-box questions (“ultimate fantasy” is a short answer; optional boxes to check include “hedonist,” “daddy” and “label-less”). That may sound like the precursor to a job interview, but the point is to ensure that the needs of attendees are met. Wouldn’t it be nice if other clubs worked that way?

“I don’t think that polyamory is somehow more evolved than monogamy,” said Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher who will teach an online course for couples and individuals seeking to open their relationships this fall. “But it should be an option. People should have more options.”

That was a maxim for the two dozen non-monogamous people interviewed for this article. The subjects, who represent a range of ethnicities, sexual orientations, gender identities and professions, agreed on this: For them, more partners means more exploration and more pleasure.

Consensual or ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term that encompasses various relationship models, including polyamory, open relationships, sexual encounters with more than two people and swinging. Polyamorists are interested in exploring long-term relationships with multiple people. Swingers tend to be older couples opening their marriages recreationally.

According to a 2014 Chapman University survey, 5 percent of American relationships identify themselves as non-monogamous. In a more recent survey of single adults in the United States, in 2017, one-fifth of respondents said they would try some form of non-monogamy at some point in their lifetime.

In major cities, there are plenty of ways for non-monogamous and polycurious people to meet, among them apps, dinners, friends, blind dates and parties. In New York, organized sex parties include Chemistry, which requires a Q. and A. application and photo, but doesn’t screen for a particular look; NYC Inferno, a gay play party that mostly attracts cisgender men but is open to queer, trans and nonbinary people (Playhouse, a spinoff event, revolves around trans guys); Skirt Club, a members-only club for bisexual women; and Wonderland, which welcomes everyone as long as they bring a buddy who will vouch for them, and are committed to fantastical dress codes (“Ancients vs. Aliens,” “Dungeons and Drag Queens”).

Now a cottage industry of coaches and educators has cropped up to help polyamorous partners strive for compersion, the happy-for-you alternative to jealousy. Effy Blue, a relationship coach in Brooklyn, works with all of the following: triads, or three people in a committed relationship together; individuals seeking to transparently date multiple lovers simultaneously; partners who each have intimate friends, all of whom are close; and clients cultivating long-term relationships with someone who already has a primary partner.

“There is no single model that suits everyone,” Ms. Blue said. She also wrote a book on play-party etiquette. “Consent is the cornerstone of any well-produced, healthy and fun sex party,” she said. “This makes it safer and more fun than an average nightclub on any given day.”

Ella Quinlan, a 27-year-old event planner, said she knows hundreds of peers on the East and West Coasts practicing their own flavors of non-monogamy. In her own relationship with Lawrence Blume, a 55-year-old tech investor, Ms. Quinlan’s goal is to enhance what is conventionally beloved about monogamy, she said.

“We want to show people that it’s actually possible to be in a long-term, healthy, satisfying, deeply rooted and connected emotional relationship with somebody — and do this,” Mr. Blume said.

It’s not always easy. “There’s a lot of talking, and it takes a lot of work,” said Jade Marks. When Jade began exploring non-monogamy with Tourmaline, Jade’s primary partner, the pair quickly realized they had different expectations: Jade wanted casual encounters, while Tourmaline preferred sustained relationships with multiple people.

It took a lengthy negotiating period. Boundaries helped: Jade and Tourmaline established safe sex guidelines, and a rule of not bringing any partners to the apartment they share, though Jade said they have “a clause” for unexpected encounters.

Some emotions come with the territory. “A lot of us grew up with few of examples of what supportive queer, trans or non-monogamous relationships look like,” Tourmaline said. Among the couple’s queer and trans peers, non-monogamy can sometimes seem compulsory. “It’s O.K. to feel jealous,” Jade said. “It’s O.K. for this to be hard.”

Karen Ambert, 35, met Kenneth Play, a 38-year-old sex educator, three years ago on an art bus that was touring their neighborhood of Bushwick. Two years later, Mr. Play introduced Ms. Ambert, an emergency-room physician, to the man who became her second boyfriend, Geronimo Frias, the co-owner of a parkour gym.

It’s not technically a triad, but a V, as the relationship configuration is known in the poly community. Mr. Play and Mr. Frias don’t date each other, but they do date other people. (Mr. Play employs an assistant, in part to help book his rotating cast.)

Polyamorous for most of her adult life, Ms. Ambert hid it from her colleagues in medical school and residency. “I was always worrying about the next step. How will this impact my education and career?” she said. But recently she has grown more comfortable in her professional standing, and felt ready to come out about her love life too.

Mr. Frias was sitting on a couch at the home of Mr. Play with Ms. Ambert wedged in the middle, basking in the gaze of four adoring eyes.

Sexual repression is at the root of the wider public stigma about non-monogamy, said Narjesi Tragic, an environmental science student in Queens.

But that’s rapidly changing along with “tolerance of different kinds of lifestyles, traditions, religions,” said Orion Starbreeze, Narjesi’s metamour (both date Tiana North, a professional dominatrix and dog trainer, but not each other).

“We’re returning to that nomadic sharing of partners and resources,” Ms. North said. “There’s ride shares, there’s house shares, bike shares — we’re in a sharing generation now.”

Which, for some, is easier to intellectualize than practice. “The biggest obstacle to free love is the emotion we call jealousy,” the sex educators Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton write in the 1997 edition of their book “The Ethical Slut,” which introduced many Americans to the concept of non-monogamy.

One morning, I Skyped with Na’Im Najieb, a 33-year-old author, and Tyomi Morgan, 31, who is a sexuality coach. The two of them have been in an open marriage for a year and a half, and they recommend the use of mindfulness techniques to overcome jealousy.

“Is this really my partner separating from me?” Ms. Morgan said she asks herself when feelings of insecurity arise. “Or am I struggling my own abandonment issues, and needing to clearly express to Na’Im what affirmation I need to receive?”

Instead of jealousy, Ms. Morgan said she tries to think about gratitude and send messages like, “I was thinking about how much I appreciate you,” rather than, “Where are you?” and “Who are you with?”

Ms. Ambert, Mr. Play and Mr. Frias are all members of Hacienda, an intentional sex-positive community in Bushwick. (Mr. Play is a founder .)

Hacienda Villa, one of four locations, is an unassuming brick rowhouse across from an auto-body shop. Below the open concept kitchen-living room where 14 roommates have house meetings about chores, is a basement where events like Learn to Love Oral Sex: Tips from a Real Sex Worker (open to the public) and Second-Base Brunch (members only) are held.

“There’s a lot of sex problems in the world, like harassment,” Mr. Play said of the community’s mission. “We’re trying to engineer a way to coexist and celebrate sex without harming each other.”

He, Ms. Ambert, and Mr. Frias were currently in the process of contemplating a practice new to many of their open-minded friends and acquaintances: raising children.

“We’re in an extremely happy situation, and yet with a future that’s uncertain,” said Mr. Frias, 41, who is discussing starting a family with Ms. Ambert. “Being married and having kids in a V, I don’t know anyone else personally who’s done it.”

The idea was spurred during a conversation between Mr. Play and Ms. Ambert. It started much like any couple’s might, with Ms. Ambert saying she wanted children sooner rather than later, and Mr. Play hesitating.

Then Mr. Frias was in the picture. Like Ms. Ambert, he, too, wants children.

It was precisely her quality of “accepting people exactly as they are,” without trying to curtail their individual desires, that makes talk of such a long-term commitment possible, he said. “I’m not trying to change anything about her, and she’s not trying to change anything about me,” he added.

And those are just the emotional perks, said Mr. Play, who is coming around to the idea of helping raise children who aren’t his own. “Three incomes. Three parents. No one feels like they’re drowning in responsibility,” he said. “And the kid, surrounded by more loving adults.”

“I think this is really beneficial — a good life hack.”

Yael Malka is a photographer and artist raised in the Bronx and now based in Brooklyn. Alice Hines is a writer in New York City.

Sahred From Source link Arts

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[devils-gatemedia]

Hollywood Undead – O2 Academy, Bristol 24th April 2019

Arriving at the O2, it is clear that tonight’s gig has attracted a rather different demographic than many others I attend. The queue is young, lively and, unusually, almost split 50:50 by sex. It wasn’t a warm night, but clothing appeared to consist of a large number of holes held together by small amounts of fabric. Inside, there is an atmosphere of excitement, and a smell that I came to realise was that of a room full of teenage hormones.

Opening the show were Liverpool experimental metal band, Loathe. The indication of their intent was immediately clear when vocalist Kadeem France bounded onto a very low lit stage and encouraged a wall of death pit to form before the band had even played a note. What followed was a set of crushing metal that blended a very inventive musicality with immensely powerful delivery and catchy choruses. In all honesty, this was not a style of music that I find easy to listen to, so when reviewing it seems right to look behind from the pit and watch how the crowd react. The answer was that they loved it! I haven’t seen a support band get such a fevered reaction for a fair while.

My biggest challenge was getting a single photo to illustrate the performance as the lighting was limited to flashing red back-lights. What we missed capturing was the band sending out wave after wave of jaw-breaking riffs whilst France provided a fulcrum. A natural front man, he spent the last song towering over the crowd at the barrier, or stalking the pit encouraging more reaction. To get an idea of just how unique this band are, take a listen to “Servant And Master” or “White Hot”, both of which may well destroy your expectations of the genre, as well as your speakers.

Once Loathe left the stage it became party time. A chorus of “Happy Birthday” rang out for one gig goer, which was soon amplified by the entire ground floor. Noise levels rose and aforementioned hormones were secreted. I have never seen so many people caressing and fondling at a gig before! Every so often, a Hollywood Undead song would ring out from an impromptu choir.

The first surprise, when the lights went down, was that each member appeared on stage without a mask! One by one, Johnny 3 Tears, J-Dog, Charlie Scene, Funny Man, and Danny took to the stage until the entire band were present waving their hands from side to side and “Whatever It Takes”. The crowd were in ecstasy, and I had absolutely no idea which way to look as the band bounded around energetically. “California Dreaming” was followed by the first of my set highlights with “Undead”. The energy of the quintet was infectious. Personnel rotated in a finely choreographed dance, each adding their own style and delivery to lyrics. Roadies wandered around handing out guitars and swapping mics. There was absolutely no let up in the speed with which the hits were delivered. The tour comes with all the tricks: a great light show, pyro sparks, streamer cannons, and later, a huge confetti cannon.

“Renegade”, “Been to Hell”, “Dead Bite”, and “Gravity” kept the energy levels high, including both an air drum solo and a rather impressive vocal solo from the drummer of “Livin’ On A Prayer”, until we got a little break as a request was made for a fan who would like to play guitar on stage. Previous reviews have suggested this is a “plant” in the crowd, but tonight it felt real, and when he left the stage after playing with the band on “Comin’ In Hot”, he not only returned to the floor, but was also helped back into the crowd to be with his mates.

“War Child” was huge, and the next treat was “Another Way Out” before an acoustic guitar was bought out for the best singalong yet for “Bullet”. I love this song with a passion. Anyone who can write such a catchy song about such a sad subject gets my vote! The crowd were then incited to start a “Riot”, which they responded to energetically. The main set was closed out with “Bad Moon”, “Broken Record”, “Levitate” and “Hear Me Now”.

We all knew there was great stuff to come in the encore, and we were right, as we got manic versions of “Everywhere I Go” which the Bristol crowd took as their own, drawing out the stage vocals, and finally “Day Of The Dead”, where the huge confetti cannon disgorged its sparkly contents as high as the balcony.

Sometimes in life you just need a party. Hollywood Undead bought the streamers and the music, and Bristol did what it needed!

Review and photos – Rob Wilkins

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Review: Hollywood Undead/Loathe – Bristol Hollywood Undead - O2 Academy, Bristol 24th April 2019 Arriving at the O2, it is clear that tonight’s gig has attracted a rather different demographic than many others I attend.