#I remember a friend’s mom telling me some mean girl was just jealous because I was smart

[heavencasteel420]

It is amazing to me that the show has a character who:

Explicitly says “my father forced me to kill and I was good at it, but I hated it”;

Makes multiple efforts to walk away from a fight where his opponent is doing the absolute most to provoke him and, upon finally snapping, handily beats him;

Stabs a dude with a pair of scissors in self-defense and immediately looks horrified at himself; and

Can stomach all kinds of gross and scary shit unless it involves harm coming to his little brother, whom he obviously has a lot of baggage about protecting.

And a not-insignificant number of people are like “his neurosis is that he feels bad about not being a fighter or a badass.”

[coraniaid]

Speaking of Faith, Hope & Trick: that first conversation between Buffy and Faith must be so different from Faith's point of view.

I mean, the episode itself is very much told from Buffy's perspective. She's only recently reclaimed her identity as "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer" and she just started to reconnect with her friends as of the end of last episode. Of course she feels challenged by Faith's arrival; of course she feels like Faith's deliberately trying to upstage her. Of course she feels Faith is trying to intrude on her life. She reacted much the same way when she met Kendra, and that was when she was a lot less keen on being "the Vampire Slayer" and much more comfortable with her place in Sunnydale. As she tells her mother later, she's "just getting her life back […] not looking to go halfsies on it".

But think about it from Faith's side. Even while she's lying about where her Watcher is, she admits that she came all the way from Boston looking to meet "the infamous" Buffy Summers. She presumably set up the earlier encounter with the vampire deliberately to try to lure Buffy out (she's the one to lead him outside and she only starts fighting him seriously once Buffy and the Scooby Gang have arrived looking for her). She must have picked out her never-to-be-seen-again outfit and practiced her slightly too casual introduction of "I've got it. You're, uh, Buffy, right?" (as if she came all the way to California to meet some girl whose name she didn't quite remember) well in advance. She's already calling her 'B' while the vamp's dust is still cooling. You think she hadn't planned that too?

And Faith is trying to so hard to connect with Buffy in this scene. Yes, she tells a lot of "tall tales" (as Scott Hope will later put it) -- she wants to seem impressive! she wants Buffy to view her as an equal! -- but she's also the only person in the group who keeps trying to get Buffy to share things. It's not her fault that the rest of the gang talk over Buffy's attempts to talk about her own past battles or that they undermine her attempts to tell equally impressive stories. It's not even really her fault that she ends up sharing things about being a Slayer that Buffy as obviously been trying to keep secret from her friends (I mean, it's her fault a little, sure, but I don't think it would even occur to Faith to be embarrassed by anything she says).

"Did you really use a rocket launcher one time?" Faith asks, having already heard the story from somewhere and so done her best to convince Buffy that she too has done equally cool things (she hasn't). "What was your toughest kill?" she asks, having fled most of the way across a continent to escape a vampire she couldn't kill herself. "Isn't it crazy how Slaying always makes you hungry and horny?" she asks and "You and I are gonna have fun," she promises. What can that mean but: don't you feel the same way I do? Aren't you just the same as me? Aren't you glad I'm here?

Yes, Faith is jealous of Buffy's friends and her Watcher and her Mom, right from the start, but she didn't arrive in town looking to meet them. She came looking for Buffy; and look at how quick she is to accept Scott's description of her as "Buffy's friend" the next day. But Buffy (very understandably, from her point of view, because of experiences Faith has no knowledge of) just keeps trying to shut her out. The harder Faith tries to impress her -- by trying to win over Buffy's friends, and her Watcher, and her possible boyfriend, and her Mom -- the more aloof the other Slayer seems to get.

No wonder Faith gets annoyed by the rejection. No wonder she starts to get angry. No wonder she's ready to start exchanging threats once they're alone on patrols and the vampires aren't even showing up the way they're supposed to. Like she'll complain later in the season: she came to Sunnydale, she slayed, she did the good little girl routine, and what did she get? Not Buffy, that's for sure.

[heavyhitterheaux]

Call Her Daddy (NSFW)

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: 🤭🤭🤭

Synopsis: Jack goes on the Call Her Daddy podcast and of course has to talk about his wife

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

First Lady of Private Garden Masterlist

DO NOT ENGAGE IF UNDERAGE

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

“Jack, it's about damn time you showed up for an episode of my podcast.” Alex said after the both of them sat down and got comfortable where the podcast recording would take place.

“What can I say? I'm a busy man. And it's good to be here.”

“Definitely busy seeing as you just recently put a total of three babies in your wife, but we'll get to that later. We're focusing on you, first.”

“Look, I can't help it if my wife is fine as hell. Might as well go hard or go home.” He replied while shrugging and of course Alex laughed.

“Don't worry, you'll get to talk about how much you love your wife in due time because we know that’s a running theme with you. But first, I want to know more about Jack Harlow. Did you always want to be a rapper? And where did that drive come from?”

“Always wanted to be one and I remember selling my CD's back in middle school. My mom was a heavy influence on that and she would freestyle with me in the car when she would drive me to like soccer practice and different things like that.”

“That's so cute and adorable that your mom influenced you. Now when people think of rap, Kentucky isn't really the first place people think of.”

“Not at all and I'm from Louisville and a lot of people don't know that it is literally an entire city. When people hear Kentucky, the first thing that they think of is some back roads country ass shit when it's not.” He answered as he thought about when he first started and some people would tell him that he would never make it out Kentucky let alone Louisville.

“And did a lot of people support you? Or did they try to discourage you? How was that growing up there?”

“It was about half and half. A lot of people were confident that I was going to make something of myself, but others weren’t. But I’ve been serious about this shit from day one and it’s slowly but surely paying off. My girl wouldn’t let me quit for nothing even if sometimes I wanted to.”

“Now, what were you like in high school? Were you the popular jock, the nerd, part of the science club? Did the girls fall out over you?” Alex asked while getting comfortable in her chair and adjusting.

“I mean I always had friends and I wasn’t the one who would be stuffed into lockers or some shit. Like with certain things people knew not to mess with me. And it always seemed like girls always liked me, but when I set my eyes on one, that was it. It was a done deal. We weren’t even together yet and people knew that she was mine and they would respect it.”

“So, I want to ask you since you said that about people knowing that she was your girl and respecting it. Now we are talking about the First Lady, correct?”

“The fucking one and only. Had my eyes on her ever since I was fourteen.”

“A little birdie told me about you hiding a boy’s clothes after gym was over because he liked her and wouldn’t leave her alone? Not baby Jack getting jealous.” Alex said while laughing and Jack soon joined in along with her.

“Look, he asked for it and I didn’t have a problem with him after that. Like dude get the fuck away from my girl.”

“And what did she do when she found out?”

“She never found out until we moved to Atlanta after we graduated so she had absolutely no idea. But, she definitely got on my ass. But she’s not so innocent either, but you’ll have to ask her about that.”

“Yeah, she’s definitely the next person I need to have on here. Now what is the album that you think is your best work or the one that you are most proud of?”

“Hmm, Jackman hands down. No features, just me talking and getting my feelings out. I was able to be home in Louisville with my wife for about a year and a half and I took that time to reset and get my mind right because a lot of shit had been going on and happening around us and I felt that it was important for me to do that, but now we’re back to making the catchy shit that people can really vibe to and feel good music so I’m excited for this new era.”

“Lovin’ On Me! Now I am loving your new song and I notice that it says I don't like no whips and chains and you can’t tie me down. So no whips and chains in the Harlow household?”

“I… look I have a story about that. It’s not the fact that there’s absolutely none because at one point in time there was.”

“Damn, do I need popcorn for this because I feel like I need popcorn for this.” Alex added while busting out laughing.

“So, I tie her up, blindfold her, we got the nipple clamps, all that shit, and I handcuff myself to her to get her to stop moving and I lost the key in the process. So, she notices that I get quiet and she’s freaking out asking me what’s wrong and when I finally tell her she’s like call Urban. He’s our best friend who lived with us at the time and he has seen some wild shit and I know he’s so fucking tired of us. So with my free hand, I use my phone to call him and he comes and sees what the situation is, finds the key and leaves us there and goes to sleep because we had woken him up and he was pissed. So he just left us there until the morning.”

“I LITERALLY CANNOT! But, was it really a punishment though? Handcuffed to your wife so I can imagine a few more rounds came after that?” Alex asked while wiggling her eyebrows.

“More than a few.”

“Now talk to me about the other wild shit that he has seen.” 

All Jack did was hang his head as he busted out laughing.

“I… I don’t even know where to fucking start. Urb is always getting pulled into the middle of shit that he absolutely had nothing to do with.”

“That’s what best friends are for. Now, how do you feel about choking?”

“Anything she wants, I will do it. Nothing is off limits for her. I admit that it’s not my favorite thing in the world, but if it’s going to make her orgasm faster, I’m all for it. She definitely comes first. Pun intended.”

“Oh, so you’re all about putting her needs first in the bedroom?”

“And in life, that’s my baby and her needs and wants are always going to be met. Been doing that since we were fifteen when we were officially together.”

“Now you said nothing is off limits when it comes to her, so she’s just like ‘babe, let me peg you’.”

“No, absolutely not, no one is sticking anything up my ass. I love my wife through and through, but no. That’s a little too much for me. Come on Alex, I’m not that adventurous, my lyrics literally say ‘I’m vanilla baby’.”

“Well, I might have put an idea in your head that you’ll want to try with her later.”

“Nope.”

“Favorite sex position?”

“Do you…. Do you not know what they call me?” Jack curiously asked her in disbelief.

“No, what do they call you?”

“Missionary Jack.”

“Please shut up because literally no one calls you that, you call yourself that.”

“I swear that’s what they call me!”

“And who gave you that nickname?”

“If it was someone other than my wife then that’s a problem. She’s called me that since forever.”

“What do you like about it?”

“It’s underrated on so many levels. I swear my triplets were conceived in missionary. Because here’s my thing, I’m face to face with her, at one point her ankles are going to be behind her head or on top of my shoulders and I’m going the fuck in.”

“Well damn, what’s her favorite position? I’m going to get her on here, but I want to hear it from you.”

“She likes to think that she’s in control, so she likes to ride me. But she knows who runs this shit. My kids aren’t the only ones who call me daddy.” Jack responded while smirking and all Alex did was playfully roll her eyes.

“Your wife is going to get you for that one and I’m going to let her have at it.”

“Yeah that’s how it all starts and it’ll end with me fucking her brains out like it always does.”

“You’re going to be in for it when this is over. Hmm, kinks?”

“I love praising her because I know it makes her reach her peak faster, but definitely a spit kink.”

“OH! TELL ME MORE! I am intrigued!”

“Alex, you are funny as shit.”

“I’m serious! Out with it.”

“Spitting in her mouth and watching her swallow it.”

“Are you sure you’re as vanilla as you say you are, because? Yeah I’m going to need wifey here to get her perspective. Do you think she’s ever faked an orgasm while you were in her? Would you be able to tell?”

“I know her body inside and out and she better not do that shit and have me find out about it. But, I don’t think she has.”

“Hand jobs, blow jobs?”

“Fuck yeah, I love me a good hand job or blow job.”

“Craziest place that you’ve gotten one or had sex period?”

“On a plane to Australia. We thought everyone was asleep, but of course everyone except Urb. This was what I meant when he is always getting caught in the middle of some shit that has nothing to do with him. It was difficult because I’m so tall, but we made it work.”

“What would an erotic vacation look like for you?”

“Definitely fucking her brains out non stop in some tropical ass location. We’re not leaving our room for the entire time that we’re there.”

“Ooohh, now if you could have sex in any location in the world, where would it be?”

“Hmm, I never really thought about it. Maybe some exotic ass shit like behind a waterfall or something. But, I was also thinking the white house lawn because I don’t mind an audience.”

“NOT THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN!”

“YOU ASKED!” 

“Have you ever had or thought about trying tantric sex?”

“I’ve never really thought much about it, but I would have to do my research. If wifey wants it, I’m down.”

“She really does wear the pants in your relationship, huh?”

“Alex, like I said before, you’re funny and no she doesn’t.”

“I literally do not think that anyone will agree with you. If I were to do a poll right now, everyone will probably say that she does.”

“I let her think that she does.”

“Mmm hmm, sure. Now what is your dirtiest sexual fantasy?”

“I don’t even know since I’m pretty adventurous when it comes to it and not many things are off limits.”

You had just gotten to the hotel that Jack was staying at while he was filming for his episode of the Call Her Daddy podcast when you decided to surprise him. He had been going non stop since the release of his new single and getting ready to go on The Kentucky Tour. 

Of course Urban was with him and sent you a text saying that he was almost done and you promptly took a quick shower and slipped on one of Jack’s favorite lingerie sets which happened to be black and purple. You threw on your black silk robe in case you got cold and simply laid out on the bed and played on your phone waiting for your husband. 

You had fallen asleep waiting for him when you felt him reach down and place a kiss on your lips and your eyes fluttered open.

“What are you doing here?” He playfully asked as he was now kneeling on the bed in front of you and playing with the ties on your black silk robe.

“I wanted to surprise my husband since he’s been working so hard and I figured you would want a little time to have me to yourself.” You answered while motioning for him to lean down so that you could kiss him which he quickly did.

As Jack deepened the kiss, he took the opportunity to undo your robe and took in the sight of you in front of him.

“A sight that I can never get tired of seeing.”

He started to kiss down your neck when you lightly pushed him away from you and flipped the two of you over as you went to undo his pants and slide down his boxer briefs.

“Last night on the phone with you wasn’t enough and I decided that I wanted you in my mouth as soon as possible.”

The night before, Jack was complaining about missing you so just like you had done many times before, you gave him a show which ended up with him cumming multiple times as he watched you. 

Jack had now tossed his shirt to the other side of the room and you had gotten his boxer briefs completely off before taking him in your mouth painfully slow making him grab the back of your head and buck his hips towards you.

“Baby, do not fucking tease me right now. All I basically did was talk about how good I fuck you in that podcast and we need to get to it before I fucking bust. This shit is starting to hurt and take that lingerie off.” Jack whined as you were making yourself comfortable.

Before taking him back in your mouth, you did as you were told.

“Patience, my love. You know that I’m always going to make it worthwhile.” You answered him as you went back to pleasuring him with your mouth and your eyes began to water as you felt him reach the back of your throat.

You were taking your slow sweet time and even though Jack was getting annoyed, he was in entirely too much pleasure to say anything at the moment knowing that when he finally did cum in your mouth that it would be worth it.

“Ahh fuck. Come on baby, go a little faster than that.” Jack pleaded with you, but then you took him out of your mouth and went to the edge of the bed and laid down upside down.

“Get over here and face fuck me then.” You said while giggling and Jack wasted no time getting in front of you and sliding himself back into your mouth while throwing his head back in pleasure.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, ohhhh shiiiiit.”

Jack had now taken a hold of both sides of your face and began moving in and out of your mouth as you reached down to play with your clit knowing that if he saw you playing with yourself that he would cum faster.

“Come on baby, open that pretty mouth of yours wider for me. You can take more of me, you’re doing such a good job.”

You did as you were told and inserted two fingers while still continuing to play with your clit with the opposite hand as you felt the spit from your mouth leaking down the sides of it.

“You playing with your pussy for me? Add another finger for daddy.” 

Listening to Jack, you added another finger as he reached down to spit on your clit which made you increase the pace of your fingers.

You couldn’t help but to moan while Jack was still in your mouth and knew that you were going to reach your peak soon.

And as if right on cue, you heard Jack.

“Fuck, baby.” He tightly held onto you as you hit your peak and felt the cum shooting down your throat and out the sides of your mouth, but you continued sucking him off not showing him any mercy.

“Hold on!”

You shook your head no as you continued to move him in and out of your mouth, but finally let up when you felt another load shoot into your mouth and quickly swallowed it. Jack slightly moved away from you as you sat up and turned around to face him smirking.

“Wait until I get your ass for doing that.” Was all he said as you reached up to kiss him. You caught him off guard as you reached down and slowly began to jerk him off when he broke the kiss and looked down at you.

“Get your ass to the top of the bed and spread your legs so I have enough room.”

You moved until you reached the top as Jack hovered over you and simply looked down at you to admire you.

“What, babe?” You asked as you were now beginning to shy away from him, but all he did was lightly grab your face and kiss you.

“Nothing, it’s just my wife is so gorgeous and I’m about to have her screaming at the top of her lungs with how good I’m about to make her feel.” He answered as he began to rub small circles along your clit and reached down to kiss you while slipping his tongue in your mouth.

When you least expected it, he slowly entered you making you gasp against his lips which he quickly quieted you with another kiss as he began to move.

“Look at my pretty girl taking this dick.”

Jack then lifted your legs so that they were on the top of his shoulders and began pounding into you making you gasp as he caught you in another kiss.

“Shiiiit.” Was all you could mutter as you wrapped your arms around Jack’s neck as both of your noses were touching.

As Jack continued to keep the same pace, he kept his eyes on you and simply smirked.

“Open your mouth.”

You felt warm liquid slide down the back of your throat as he continued to move and place small kisses along your breasts.

On your right breast, he placed a small kiss and bit down and continued to suck on the same spot as you were letting out a series of curses and whimpers.

That was going to leave a mark, but you would deal with that later.

Jack then reached down to play with your clit and he quickly went to suck on your other breast knowing that he would have you come undone in front of him in less than a minute.

“Fuck, baby. Don’t stop, don’t stop.”

Jack then felt a rush of warm liquid hit the bottom part of his stomach and smirked as he reached up to kiss you.

As you were slowing down your breathing, Jack continued to rub small circles along your clit while kissing down your neck.

Once you felt that you recovered enough, you reached over to the bedside table and pulled out a bottle of lube that you had brought and handed it to Jack as you moved to get on all fours. 

All he did was smirk at you before opening the bottle as you were making yourself comfortable in front of him.

You had only done anal a handful of times, but you found yourself wanting it more and more lately and of course, Jack wasn’t opposed.

“Baby, remember you have to relax so I can get in easier.” You heard him say as he was getting ready behind you.

“Yes, I know.” You softly answered as you felt the tip.

Jack noticed he was meeting resistance so he added more lube and had you arch your back a little bit more before trying again.

He was moving in slowly and didn’t hear anything from you which had him concerned and he simply stopped.

“Baby, you okay? You aren’t saying anything.”

“I’m fine, just keep going.”

After a few minutes, he was fully in and gave you a minute to adjust and made sure that you were okay.

“You ready for me to move?”

All you did was nod towards him as you felt him moving in and out of you.

“You’re doing so good, you’re doing so good for me baby. Arch your back a tiny bit more.”

Complying, you slowly but surely started to notice how good it felt as Jack reached down and you felt him insert what felt like a vibrator in you. 

You had no idea when he had time to get it, but you weren’t in any way, shape, or form complaining. 

“Babeee, oh fuck.”

“Got a new toy to use on you.”

Between the vibrator and Jack pleasuring you, you felt your legs begin to get weak and the perfect arch that you had once had was forgotten as you were trying to hold yourself up.

Jack noticed this and instead of turning the vibrator down and decreasing his pace, he did the opposite and turned it up while increasing his pace making you scream out.

“Baby…. Mmm… fuck I can’t…”

“Yes you can and you will, arch your back for me. Such a good girl.”

Jack reached down to play with your clit and your orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks making you scream out as he slid out and released all over your back.

He then slid the vibrator out of you as you collapsed on your stomach and reached down to kiss your neck.

“You okay, down there? You were so good for me.”

You let out something of a groan letting him know that you were okay and he instantly laughed while sliding off the bed and pulling you by the ankles so that you were at the end of the bed and Jack was on his knees.

“Get on your knees for me because we are nowhere near done.”

This made you do a double take as you looked back at him in confusion.

“You didn’t think you were about to come all this way and I wasn’t going to taste my wife’s pussy, did you? Spread them damn legs.”

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[bellarkeselection]

Oh my, you're so right. There are not enough Will Halstead fics in the one chicago fandom. I would have an idea for this fine man. Maybe you like it.

It's the best fiends to lovers trope... I'm obsessed with this kind of stuff. They're both idiots in love but are too afraid to destroy their friendship when they would tell the other how they feel. Will is super protective of reader. Reader has a chronic illness (cause I NEED to see him in worried protective doctor mode) like a heart desase or asthma or epilepsy. So he always watches out for her helping her when she feels sick... One day he gets hit on at Molly's and reader sees him flirting with a girl. He starts to date the girl. The girl is super bitchy and is jealous of reader cause she's Wills best friend. So the girl tries to drive a wedge between reader and Will, maybe weave some lies, hurts reader mentally etc so that reader distance herself from Will cause she's hurt of what his girlfriend said to her or how she treats reader. That lead to huge emotional stress which flares up her illness. Reader is feeling bad both emotionally and physically. And it gets dramatic in some kind of way. Maybe Jay or another character notices reader getting worse and tells Will. And first he doesn't belive it, cause his best friend would tell him of she's super sick, wouldn't she? Until reader is admitted to Med or is found unconscious in her apartment or something else.

Sorry for my long rambling. This is just an idea maybe you like some parts of it.

❤️Love

Idiot Friends in Love

Okay so this is one of the longest requests I have gotten for Will so far. I honestly enjoyed writing this so so much and I truly hope I did as much as you asked for 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗

@annieradcliff

When people talk about having a best friend you have to remember that no relationship is going to be the same as someone else’s. But when my friends think of a best friend duo they look at me and Will Halstead. We’ve been in the others life from the time we were five years old and haven’t left each other’s side since then.

He had went onto to become a doctor and I had persuade working in the same police department as his brother Jay had. Years ago when Will had a fight with his dad about wanting to go off to college I was there for the aftermath when Will stormed out. He told me the main reason he wanted to become a doctor was so that he could help people, especially people like me. I was born a few weeks earlier at the end of my mom’s pregnancy which gave me underdeveloped lungs and asthma.

Walking into Molly’s bar wearing some ripped blue jeans shorts and a white tank top I was looking for Will until I finally found him up at the bar. Striding over I was about to say something until I saw him with a blonde that I couldn’t really stand to be around. Her and I had gotten off to the wrong foot and she basically always made a point to lead my best friend away me. Heading to the bathroom I leaned my body into the wall just needing a minute to myself except to my surprise the very girl I didn’t want to see came up to me. “How long do you think he’s going to be there to babysit you hmm?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked her sensing some annoyance in her tone.

The blonde named Brooke snapped. “I mean he can’t babysit you and be your best friend forever. He is an ED doc and now spends most of his time with me.”

“Did he tell you this?” I questioned her knowing my friend was very busy as was I since I was doing everything I could to someday become a paramedic for Firehouse 51 with my friend Sylvie Brett who had recently joined the team.

Brooke rolled her eyes like I was an idiot or something. “He’s just spending time with you because he’s a doctor and feels it’s his sworn duty to protect you and make sure you’re well.”

“Will and I have been friends since we were five years old. So, I think you’ve got your thoughts mixed up.” Responding to the girl I had faith in my friend way before I would ever believe what this woman was saying.

She throws her hands away from her sides. “I’m just saying he clearly doesn’t have feelings for you like he does for me.”

“How would you know huh. Can you see what he is thinking inside his head cause I certainly can’t.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve seen your little asthma attacks the first time I met you at this bar. Do you seriously think that he’s gonna want to be with somebody with a disability.”

“I’m done talking to you.” I began walking away from her until she yanked me back by my forearm.

“Just face the facts and realize you’ll just be another patient to him and nothing else.”

Yanking my arm from her grasp I stomped away not bothering to talk to her or Will for the night. The next few weeks I had basically been avoiding Will’s phone calls or texts figuring that she was right that I would always be a patient in his eyes. I decided to take a walk and see Brett so headed to the firehouse seeing her stalking supplies inside the ambulance. “There’s my favorite paramedic.”

“Hey Y/n! I wasn’t thinking I would be seeing you today. How have you been?” She climbed down out of the ambulance coming over and embracing me in a hug.

I wrapped my arms around her hugging her back. “I’m good. How are you and Casey?”

“We’re doing good. I’ve been meaning to ask how are you and Dr. Halstead. I’ve been meaning to ask lately.”

I raised a brow at her question. “Me and Will. I – I don’t understand.”

“Oh please. There’s something clearly going on between you two.” Brett rolled her eyes like I just said something completely ridiculous.

I raised my hands waving them in front of my chest not believing that there was something going on between me and my friend. “I don’t think you understand the relationship that he and I exactly. We are just friends and nothing more. Besides I’m fairly certain he doesn’t think of me in that way.”

“Pfft I’m sorry but that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.” She made a noise snorting out a laugh. “Have you missed the signs where he sends you those lovey doe eyes, looking out for you, and I’ve never seen you hanging around anyone else but him since the day I met you two.”

“Look Brett, I appreciate you being hopeful. But there’s never going to be anything romantic going on with me and Will.” I felt my eyes beginning to water and I ran my fingers through my hair slowly feeling a tightening in my chest. I grabbed my chest gasping for air not expecting this to happen. “I mean why would he ever go for me. He has a girlfriend, regardless if she’s a bitch. But it’s fine – argh!”

Brett rushed forward catching my body before I could hit the concrete. “Y/n! Hey, hey, woah, woah. Kelly! Casey! I need some help out here.” She shouted before my eyes got heavy and I loosened my grip on her arms passing out on her.

I’m not sure how long I was out for by the time I slowly blinked my eyes opened and saw some bright lights that clearly looked like the hospital lights. I sucked in some breaths feeling a mask over my nose and mouth meaning asthma medicine was getting pushed into my body. The curtain drew open and I saw Rhodes enter the room carrying a chart underneath one arm. “Hey Y/n, you’re breathing seems to be doing better. I’ll just slowly take this off now.”

“Thanks Dr. Rhodes – uh where’s Brett – at?” I coughed after he pulled the mask down from my face and helping me sit upright more on the pillows.

He glanced towards the curtain answering my question. “She’s outside by the nurse desk. Will is actually with her too.”

“He is?” I asked leaning up feeling hopeful for a brief second.

He nodded walking out into the hallway waving them inside the room. Brett came in and smiled brightly hugging me and I hugged her back pulling away letting my best friend have my attention more than her. “I’ll let you two talk for a bit. Come talk with you afterwards.” She stepped outside the room back into the hallway leaving the two of us alone.

“I was so worried about you when I saw Brett bring you in like that. I mean I thought we had a better understanding going here. That – that we – “He stuttered out his words frantically running a hand through his auburn curls. “You’re my best friend so I thought you’d tell me if something bad was really going on with you.”

I did my best to lie, biting my lip unknowingly. “Will, I just had a small episode. You know flare ups can happen from almost anything.”

“I’m aware of that. But that’s not the point.”

I snapped. “The point doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does matter.”

Shaking my head I wished he wasn’t so argumentative like I was. “No it doesn’t. Look I’m fine now so we don’t have to have this conversation anymore.”

“Yes, enough of this. Okay I know you’re lying o me about something and I’m hurt that you didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk to me about it.” He raised his hands in the air.

I rolled my eyes wishing this wasn’t happening right now between us. “You don’t need to know all of my business, William!”

“We’ll excuse me. I thought us being childhood best friends meant we were much closer than you think we are!” He raised his voice at me in frustration.

Clutching my hands into fists punching the hospital bed sheets shouting up at my best friend with some tears falling down my face. “Gosh damn it Will just stop it. I don’t want to be your friend who is always a patient in your eyes. I know that’s all I’m ever going to be!”

“What. Who, who told you that?” Will made a confused face at me.

I scoffed. “That blonde girl named Brooke you’re dating. She told me facts that you clearly aren’t comfortable saying to my face.”

“Why would she say those things. We’re not together anymore.” He responded.

I parted my lips thinking he was joking. “You’re not. Why – why not?”

“She just liked the idea of dating an ED doc. I broke up with her last Friday. That’s what I was wanting to talk with you about in my multiple phone calls. But I guess I got my answer when you never answered.” His gaze lowered down to the floor and he went to leave.

I gently called his attention. “Will, wait a sec. What was the calls about?”

“They were about my feelings for you.”

Sucking in a shacky breath I wasn’t sure how to feel about what he was about to say. “Will, are you saying that you think of me more than a friend?”

Rather than giving me a verbal response he strides forward climbing up onto my bed with his legs on either side of mine. He gently grabs my face in his hands crashing his lips down onto mine not giving me a chance to say anything. It took me a minute before I ran my fingers up his arms wrapping my arms around his kissing him back.

Threading my fingers through his hair, tugging on it hearing him moan into the kiss. I thought this was a dream for a brief moment until he broke the kiss resting his forehead against mine. “You’ve always been more than a friend to me. I just - didn’t want to say anything and ruin what we have if you didn’t feel the same. And don’t ever think for a minute that you’re just a patient to me. You’re anything else but that Y/n.”

“It’s crazy that my reasoning for not telling you how I felt before now is the same reason as yours. It’s a relief we both come off as idiots in love.” I smiled chuckling resting my other hand on his cheek.

He sent me a cheecky grin. “Well can this idiot in love officially ask you out on a date tonight?”

“Yes, yes I’ll go on a date with you.” I leaned forward beginning the next kiss we shared. We were entirely too worried for nothing and it wasn’t too long after a few dates that Will was already working on having me become his Mrs. Halstead.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[bassettmemes]

A GUTS ASK MEME ISN'T A BAD IDEA, RIGHT? prompts from olivia rodrigo's sophomore album, guts (2023) — part 2/2. ↳ trigger warnings for mentions of grooming, abusive relationships (mental/emotion, not physical), eating disorders, body image, and negative self-esteem. some lines have been edited or omitted for clarity and comfort.

LOGICAL.

"Master manipulator, god, you're so good at what you do."

"Come for me like a savior, and I'd put myself through hell for you."

"Hear all the rumors lately that you always denied."

"I fell for you like water falls from the February sky, but now the current's stronger and I couldn't get out if I tried."

"You convinced me it was all in my mind."

"Now you got me thinking two plus two equals five, and I'm the love of your life."

"If rain don't pour and sun don't shine, then changin' you is possible."

"Love is never logical."

"You built a giant castle with walls so high, I couldn't see the way it all unraveled."

"All the things you did to me, ou lied, you lied, you lied."

"The sky is green, the grass is red, and you mean all those words you said. I'm sure that girl is really your friend."

"Lovin' you is lovin' every argument you held over my head."

"You brought up the girls you could have instead

"You said I was too young, I was too soft, can't take a joke, can't get you off."

"I know I'm half responsible and that makes me feel horrible."

"I know I could've stopped it all, God, why didn't I stop it all?"

GET HIM BACK!

"I met a guy in the summer and I left him in the spring."

"He argued with me about everything."

"He had an ego and a temper and a wandering eye."

"He said he's six-foot-two and I'm like, "Dude, nice try"."

"But he was so much fun and he had such weird friends, and he would take us out to parties and the night would never end. Another song, another club, another bar, another dance."

"When he said something wrong, he'd just fly me to France."

"So I miss him some nights when I'm feeling depressed, til I remember every time he made a pass on my friend."

"Do I love him? Do I hate him? I guess it's up and down."

"I write him all these letters, then I throw them in the trash, 'cause I miss the way he kisses and the way he made me laugh."

"I pour my little heart out, but as I'm hitting "send", I picture all the faces of my disappointed friends, because everyone knew all of the shit that he'd do."

"He said I was the only girl, but that just wasn't the truth."

"When I told him how he hurt me, he'd tell me I was trippin'."

"I am my father's daughter, so maybe I could fix him."

"I wanna get him back. I wanna make him really jealous, wanna make him feel bad."

"'Cause then again, I really miss him and it makes me real sad."

"I want sweet revenge, and I want him again."

"I wanna key his car."

"I wanna make him lunch."

"I wanna break his heart, then be the one to stitch it up."

" I wanna kiss his face... with an uppercut."

"I wanna meet his mom, just to tell her her son sucks."

LOVE IS EMBARRASSING.

"I told my friends you were the one after I'd known you like a month, and then you kissed some girl from high school."

"I stayed in bed for like a week when you said space was what you need."

"I waited by my phone like a goddamn fool."

"Now it don't mean a thing. God, love's fucking embarrassing."

"Just watch as I crucify myself for some weird second string loser who's not worth mentionin'."

"My God, love's embarrassing as hell."

"I consoled you while you cried over your ex-girlfriend's new guy."

"My God, how could I be so stupid? You found a new version of me, and I damn near started World War III."

"Jesus, what was I even doing?"

"I placed my bets and it's not worth anything."

THE GRUDGE.

"I have nightmares each week about that Friday in May."

"One phone call from you and my entire world was changed."

"Trust that you betrayed, confusion that still lingers."

"You took everything I loved and crushed it in between your fingers."

"I doubt you ever think about the damage that you did, but I hold on to every detail like my life depends on it."

"My undying love, now I hold it like a grudge."

"I hear your voice every time that I think I'm not enough."

"I try to be tough, but I wanna scream. How could anybody do the things you did so easily?

"I say I don't care, I say that I'm fine, but you know I can't let it go. I've tried."

"It takes strength to forgive, but I don't feel strong."

"The arguments that I have won against you in my head in the shower, in the car and in the mirror before bed."

"Yeah, I'm so tough when I'm alone and I make you feel so guilty."

"I fantasize about a time you're a little fucking sorry."

"I try to understand why you would do this all to me."

"You must be insecure, you must be so unhappy."

"I know in my heart hurt people hurt people."

"We both drew blood, but, man, those cuts were never equal."

"Do you think I deserved it all?"

"Your flower's filled with vitriol, you built me up to watch me fall

"You have everything and you still want more."

"I try to be tough, I try to be mean, but even after all this, you're still everything to me."

"I know you don't care, I guess that that's fine, but you know I can't let it go. I've tried, I've tried, I've tried for so long."

"It takes strength to forgive, but I'm not quite sure I'm there yet."

PRETTY ISN'T PRETTY.

"Bought a bunch of makeup tryna' cover up my face."

"I started to skip lunch, stopped eatin' cake on birthdays."

"Bought a new prescription to try and stay calm."

"There's always something missin'. There's always something in the mirror that I think looks wrong."

"When pretty isn't pretty enough, what do you do?"

"I could change up my body and change up my face, I could try every lipstick in every shade, but I'd always feel the same, 'cause pretty isn't pretty enough anyways."

"You can win the battle, but you'll never win the war."

"Fix the things you hated and you'd still feel so insecure."

"I try to ignore it, but it's everything I see. It's on the posters on the wall, it's in the shitty magazines. It's in my phone, it's in my head, it's in the boys I bring to bed. It's all around, it's all the time and I don't know why I even try."

"I bought all the clothes that they told me to buy."

"I chased some dumb ideal my whole fucking life."

"None of it matters and none of it ends, you just feel like shit over and over again."

TEENAGE DREAM.

"When am I gonna stop being wise beyond my years and just start being wise?"

"When am I gonna stop being a pretty young thing to guys?"

"When am I gonna stop being great for my age and just start being good?"

"When will it stop being cool to be quietly misunderstood?"

"I'll blow out the candles, happy birthday to me. Got your whole life ahead of you, you're only nineteen."

"I fear that they already got all the best parts of me, and I'm sorry that I couldn't always be your teenage dream."

"When does wide-eyed affection and all good intentions start to not be enough?"

"When will everyone have every reason to call all my bluffs?"

"When are all my excuses of learning my lessons gonna start to feel sad?"

"Will I spend all the rest of my years wishing I could go back?"

[jellybeanium124]

as a kid my mom would always say to only eat until you're like 80% full, and I'm not completely sure but she might've said explicitly that like, you shouldn't be totally full after meals and still a little hungry. and it's one thing to not ungashtup yourself, but like, as a kid I was like "lol ok idk what that even means and also it sounds dumb I'm just going to eat until I'm full" but as an adult looking back on it girl what the hell??? are you still hungry when you stop eating meals?? like to this day?? I think my mom's views on weight and health and food have gotten a lot healthier since when I was a kid. she says and believes things now that contradict her past statements, and I don't think that makes her a hypocrite, I think it shows that she's grown and I'm happy for her breaking at least some of the toxicity off her old mindset, but girl what the fuuuuuck were you seriously telling your kids not to eat until they're full like hon of course neither of your kids like talking about food and eating around you to this day. stop acting like a pissy little baby about it idk what the hell you were thinking saying all this shit and making literal kids feel shitty for gaining weight as if kids aren't supposed to be gaining weight.

every time I remember some other whackadoodle thing my mom (and sometimes dad) said or did related to food and weight when I was growing up it's a wild ride. like I really just thought all this stuff was normal like it was normal for parents to track their teen's weight by checking an app they made them download every sunday night. like everyone just had weight app check time as a teenager. I mean I *knew* none of my friends were dealing with that but idk I'm just now thinking about the greater meaning of that. I know I'm not the only one who had parents who were weird and bad about their weight, but there really are kids out there who just... don't deal with that. who don't have their parents tracking their weight and making them set weight loss goal weights. there's probably people out there who never had their parents make a single comment about their body. and part of me is kind of jealous, and another part of me is saying "but I'll make sure my kids are one of the kids that don't have to deal with this bullshit from me." because I ain't saying shit to them never, if and when I have them.

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

Piss Off Your Parents

A new story written together with @hannahhook7744

We hope you enjoy!

Summary: Audrey comes up with the perfect way to piss off her grandmother and get the attention of both her parents and Chad's. 

And the answer lies with the sea three.

Chad stormed into Audrey's cottage and into her room, before plopping down onto her bed—face first—with a quiet sigh as she read one of her fashion magazines. Quietly fuming about something her grandmother said while her parents were away doing another season of her mom's show. 

Some people might be put off by the fact that Chad just entered her cottage without knocking, but the two of them had known each other for so long that knocking wasn't a necessity between them. 

Which could have something to do with the fact that the two of them had been each other's only true confidantes since Chad's grandfather died and since their other friends started drifting away from them.

But who knows.

Audrey raised her head to greet him, and then set the magazine down when she saw him.

"Chad? What happened?“ she asked.

He looked awful. His hair was a mess and his clothes were disheveled. "They forgot they were supposed to spend the day with me. Again."

Them likely being Chad’s parents.

Audrey felt a sudden urge to curse a kingdom or at least few monarchs at that, which she contributed to the lingering effects of her Queen of Mean episode. Good girls didn‘t curse kingdoms nor start international incidents. Good girls also notably didn’t argue with their grandmothers.

So Audrey neatly compartmentalized the raging inferno in her mind and instead focused on the problem at hand, that is, upset Chad.

“We could just spend the day together,“ she suggested, "They don’t know what they’re missing.“ 

Chad still looked glum. "It's like that but… I… I just…sometimes, it feels like they forgot about me after Chloe was born. And I know it's stupid to be jealous of a 10 year old but I can't help it. I can't remember the last time they spent time with me when it didn't have to do with my grades or telling me when Chloe's sick."

He felt stupid and a bit selfish for admitting it but he couldn't help it. 

It wasn't fair that he had only gotten to have parents for two years after having waited six to be adopted. 

In a notable show of self-control, Audrey didn‘t get up to go curse one particular kingdom–she didn’t even reach for her phone to dial King Charming and Queen Cinderella, which was good, because she‘d have yelled at them otherwise.

"Chad,“ she said softly and laid her hand over his,"it’s not stupid at all.“

There was an awkward pause.

"You know,“ she said with a light chuckle, "Until you try to violently overthrow the current rulers, you’re fine.“

It was a weird joke, but hey. Their life was weird.

And it did make Chad respond.

Chad snorted, swiping at his eyes with his sleeve. "You know… Sometimes I feel like you're the only one who even cares about me anymore. " 

He gave her a weak smile, trying desperately to hide the fact that he wasn't joking.Trying desperately to hide the fact that he had felt like he was abandoned all over again after Chloe was born. 

To hide that he had felt alone since he was only eight years old.  

"Chad! That’s simply not true!” Audrey exclaimed, very much hoping she wasn‘t lying. She was trying not to lie, it wasn’t good for her mental health.

Neither was it good for Chad to lie here on her bed and think about sad things all day. Probably.

“Let‘s go do something?“ she proposed, “Perhaps a shopping spree?“ 

"Sure… but before we do… are you doing okay? You seem off." Chad asked hesitantly, trying not to phrase it wrong.

He'd been much more careful with his words since the Queen of Mean–closet incident. 

An incident that he hadn't told his parents about. 

“Of course I’m fine!“ Audrey smiled brightly, and ignored the buzzing of her phone, “ I want some new skirt, what about you?“

He shrugged, heartedly. "Sure. I could use some stuff for my hair, anyway."

When Chad looked away, she casually swiped the incoming call into the red. She didn’t need another lecture from her grandmother today, thank you very much. 

She was entirely fine being told that she’s “a disgrace of a family name“, a “poor excuse of a princess“ and “Probably gonna die old and lonely and unloved the way she is going, and dragging her two ancestral kingdoms to doom with her“ only once a day.

Still smiling, she got up and picked up her favorite heels to wear today. She was used to walking on cobblestones, and if she fell, Chad could always catch her. At least the paparazzi would have something to talk about, she thought bitterly.

————

Chad kept checking his phone every so often in the car and even when they got into the mall, silently hoping that one of his parents would remember that they were supposed to hang out today. 

Only to keep being disappointed when he found nothing. 

No phone calls or texts from either of them. 

Or from anyone else. 

His shoulders slumped as he tucked his phone away in his pocket and trailed after Audrey, helping her carry her things as he tried not to get overwhelmed by the loud songs and bright lights of the mall.

The last thing he needed right now would be a sensory overall. 

But that would be just his luck. 

Audrey smiled and glared at people, keeping most of them at respectable distance–she was quite delighted to see that not all of that venom belonged to the Queen of Mean, and it did come in handy sometimes.

On another note, the fashion selection this season was just awful.

But nevermind, she could work with it. She tried on clothes and asked Chad for his insight,  and they tried on the most disastrous pieces together. She just hoped the stores had good enough security, so there would be no photos that could leak.

And when walking in between the shops, well. She was used to the attention.

That doesn’t mean she appreciated it.

But still better than her "concerned" grandmother, no?

Chad was having a decent time despite the fact that his senses were aching something fierce at the moment. 

He was just starting to think that maybe, just maybe today wouldn't be such a bad day after all when it happened.

When they showed up. 

Their cameras flashed blinding light; only a lifetime of photoshoots saved Audrey from violently flinching away and ruining her image. She couldn’t imagine what it was doing to Chad.

Chad, despite having the same experience as her, had never been able to get control of his reactions and flinched immediately. Before he instinctively dropped Audrey's bags to cover his aching eyes. 

And, what was worse, there was nowhere to go. No decent stores to hide in under the guise of shopping.

No. That would be asking too much.

The only shop nearby sold bloody LINGERIE.

Understandably, Audrey and Chad couldn’t go there. Never ever, nevermind the attacking paparazzi.

Audrey decided to ignore those for the moment, instead turning around to Chad and briefly brushing her hand against his in reassurance.

Zoom. 

Click. 

Snap. 

Click. 

Of course.

Of course they would.

Audrey smiled and crouched down to help Chad gather the bags.

Chad did his best to collect them carefully—fully aware of the fact that Audrey had bought several fragile things such as perfume bottles—but he was probably rougher than necessary given the fact he was in sensory hell.

Next thing he knew, Audrey was rushing him past the paparazzi and ushering him into his car. 

Quickly snagging his keys before closing the door and getting into the front seat, and speeding off. 

Definitely going faster than the speed limit allowed. 

But Chad couldn't find it in him to care as he curled up in the backseat, hands clasped tightly over his still ringing ears. 

He hated the press.

Audrey kept her eyes on the road the whole time and kept talking at Chad, and definitely not thinking of wherever the newest media sensation might be.

But when they got home and settled and she finally checked her phone, she was not surprised to find it blown up with missed calls and messages from her grandmother.

’Audrey, dear,’ one of them read, ’I’m just worried about you. It’s for your own good. Are you involved with the Charming prince again? I do wish you settled finally. It would bring me peace. Think of the kingdom!’

And, of course: ’That store?! What were you even doing, Audrey? Do you know how that looks?’

Audrey scrolled through what felt like miles of messages without breaking her poker face. It was… It was too much. She would not stand for this.

She left her grandmother on read.

Chad's phone rang at that moment causing him to whimper in pain (as he was still in the midst of sensory hell) and her irritation to spike. 

Now they care? She thought. Only now?

Well, if it is so…

If only media attention made Chad’s parents care…. then yeah, Audrey had the perfect plan.

The fact that it might give her dear old grandmother a heart attack was, well, just a… bonus.

“Chad?“ she said sweetly, "I’ve got an idea…“

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tag @nczaversnick!

OC Mega Questionaire

Random number generator suggests Djek :)

Five things that make you happy:

I mean, money in my pocket. That's like, the main one. A hopped-up party is probably second, with a crowd of rich drunks to follow. I guess after that... card games? Oh, and my friends! Can't forget those losers.

If you could save just one other person who would it be?

I... Am I an idiot if I say Tyche? She betrayed me, left me for dead. I doubt she- I doubt she ever cared about me in the first place. But I wish she could've. I wish she could've been better.

Tell us one of your funniest jokes:

Why does the sea roar? Well, you'd be hollering too if you had crabs on your bottom.

Where would you like to visit?

Oh, tough question. I've really been around, you know? Hit up most of the big cities - I don't got much use for hiking bullshit. If I could go anywhere, I think I'd pick Seluthena. Yeah, yeah, it's underwater, but there's magic. Sepo talks about it sometimes, and it sounds pretty. Plus, I want to see if all sirens are such hard asses.

When do you usually go to sleep?

Uhhh.... Probably three? Don't get on my ass about it, ok?

Are you a jealous person?

Totally not. I'd never be jealous of someone when I can steal whatever fancy digs they've got instead. ...I guess I used to be kinda jealous of Twenari’s sorcery when we first met, but she'll use it better than I ever would.

Have you committed a crime?

Seriously? I'm not gonna dignify that with an answer.

Do you have a chore you usually hate?

Ugh, what chore don't I hate? Laundry is probably my least favorite. Remembering to fold it feels like pokers in my brain.

Tell me an embarrassing childhood story

Ok, ok, ok, this is a good one. So, some of the bigger street kids were chasing me - I had some food they wanted and this one teen, Miks, just had it out for me anyways after he found me sleeping in this drain pipe he liked. They chased me all the way up into this warehouse, so I figured I'd hide, yeah? I jumped into the nearest crate only to find, oh shit, it's full of flour. It's getting all up in my nose and mouth, and I just know I'm gonna sneeze any second now, but the other kids are in the building. That's when I had my glorious idea. I stagger up outta the flour, groaning like some unholy spirit and waving my hands all menacingly. I conjured up some shadows and all those kids started screaming like nothing else, thinking I was an actual ghost. Miks even pissed himself! Course, they caught on a second later and beat the ever-loving snot out of me, but I kept looking up at that stain on Miks' leg and giggling the whole time. ...Ah memories.

Are you a good person?

I try. I know I've failed in my past, and I'll fail again in the future, but I still try as best I can. I think that counts for something, right?

What’s the worst thing you have ever done? Do you regret it?

I let a little girl watch her mom get beaten to a pulp in front of her eyes. I let my best friend be taken by a demon she'd spent her whole life fighting. I killed an evil man and stopped him from doing an evil thing, but I still wonder late at night if he could've been redeemed. I regret all three.

What’s the quickest way to make you laugh?

Heh, tell me a dirty joke, and I'll probably be on the floor.

What is your favorite song right now?

The Kindly Vixen. It always has and it always will be a visionary among bad bar songs.

Do you sometimes wish to be someone else?

Oh, every day, my friend. I don't usually mean it, but yeah, every day.

Do you push forward or take time to rest?

What, do you think I'm some sort of soldier type? Some expert mage who stays up too late and doesn't remember to eat her breakfast? Nah, I take it easy when I can because who knows when the next opportunity will come around.

What is your favorite drink?

Dryuenya tyri. It's sweeter than regular tyri, and people usually mix it with cherry juice.

If you had to pick an item of clothing or accessory to wear for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Shit, maybe a bandana? It's a pretty versatile piece. Or, wait, maybe glasses would be more practical. Damn, I wish I had glasses.

If you were forced to forget one memory, what would you choose?

One of those hungry street nights. They all run together anyways.

What is a positive thing your worst enemy would say about you?

I'm a determined little bastard, I'll tell you what. I'd like to think even my enemies can appreciate just how many times I get back up after taking a beating.

I'll tag @dragonedged-if @pluppsauthor @watermeezersworldofkaldria @wyked-ao3 @uraniumwriting and anyone else who wants in :)

[timeoverload]

Today went ok. I didn't feel quite as sick as I did yesterday so it made it easier to get through the day. I was super anxious this morning but it wasn't as bad after I took my lunch break.

I got really irritated with the morning team lead. I've worked with her for a long time and I was there before she even started. She acts like she owns the place and is more important than everyone else, which isn't true. She always has to be right about everything. Technically she and I both have leadership positions so she isn't above me but she acts like she is. She has always been a bully, usually for no good reason. She and another group of girls used to gang up on me years ago and I've never quite gotten over it. I'm generally nice to her most of the time unless she crosses a line. Sometimes it seems like we're sort of friends now but I know I can't trust her. I think she just pretends to be nice a lot of the time. I asked her if she cared if I went to take my lunch break. She said she needed to run downstairs and then I could go but then she changed her mind super fast for some reason. I had no problem waiting for her to come back. She suddenly snapped and told me to "just go to lunch" in a very angry tone. Some other people noticed and later told me that they didn't think I did anything wrong. It was confusing because I didn't feel like I did anything to warrant that kind of response from her. I am always very polite when I ask her things even when she isn't that way towards me. I try to help her a lot. I got back from lunch and she wouldn't speak to me and I still couldn't figure out why. She can be very hostile. I wonder is she's jealous of me or something. I'm not sure why she would be but I can't think of any other reason that she would be so mean and bitter towards me. It's almost like she enjoys seeing me miserable and bossing me around. Sometimes I can't sit down for 2 minutes without her barking orders at me so I have to be out of her sight in order to do that. Sometimes it feels like she is trying to get me to quit even though I've told her I probably won't be there much longer due to my health issues anyway. She knows I've been having a hard time but she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She's not very empathetic towards anyone. She knows I don't have any other options right now either. I really don't want to be around her tomorrow if she's going to be like that so I will try to just stay in my corner when I get there in the morning. I shouldn't have to put up with that shit at work. Sometimes it feels like I'm back in high school again. I'm going to try not to worry about it anymore tonight because there's nothing I can do about it.

I did get invited to go fishing in a few weeks with some people from work so that was surprising. I'm excited about that. My mom and I used to go fishing together when I was a kid but I haven't gone since then. I'm not sure if I remember how but it should be fun anyway. I'm looking forward to getting some sun.

I'm proud of myself because I went the whole day without having a soda and I made a conscious effort to drink as much water as possible. I was really sleepy and got kind of grumpy but I survived. I also made myself eat a lot. It's a weird feeling to have a belly again because I was just bones for such a long time. I probably don't look that different to most people but I can tell a difference and I feel like I look a lot better. I'm hoping my skin will clear up more once my liver function improves. I just need to continue to make better choices and I think I will be ok.

I took a shower and I'm all ready for bed now. It was a long day so I'm not sure how much longer I will be able to stay awake. I also took my medicine so I'm having a tough time focusing. Tomorrow is going to be another busy day so I hope I can get some decent sleep tonight.

[pedrostylez]

The he smut of part 7 was 🔥 😈 Anna confrontation was kinda anti climatic tho but I think I get it

Hi anon! I’m glad you enjoyed the smut. Writing smut is difficult for me because I will reread it over and over and I’m not convinced it is good. Common issues lol.

I’m not reading this as you trying to be snarky/mean, but I’m going to defend my writing just a tad

I think it is important to remember that we are only seeing a snippet of time for these characters.

Reader and Anna’s relationship extends all the way to elementary school-where they are both only children with fucked up families trying to mother each other while reader’s family splits apart and while Anna deals with emotional abuse from her mother. Both try to protect each other from it, but specifically Anna tries to protect the reader from knowing how horrible Anna’s mom is. (Example: Anna’s mom berating her for sleeping around in Drabble 1, doesn’t tell the reader about it that night because she knows the reader looks up to Anna’s mom as her own mom. Doesn’t use it as an excuse when they are confronting each other, which would have been a totally valid thing to bring up, since it brings context to what her mental state was. Doesn’t even mention that Brad was literally kissing another girl when Anna approached him? If I was reader I would have wanted that information, but Anna protects her feelings yet again)

Reader also feels like she protects Anna by not talking about her own feelings. Reader see’s Anna as the golden child, always perfect and actually thinks Anna is oblivious to her issues, and so she bottles up her own feelings to keep Anna happy. “You wished you could be like her...” “Unintentionally attracted everyone around her to her realm.” Are both very jealous statements, just in the first paragraph of the first chapter. Reader protects Anna by being the sane one when they go out to parties-dressing “down” in comparison, (I don’t like this wording but I’m not sure how else to put it) letting Anna be a little crazy while reader is basically sober. Anna knows this, and in some cases likely takes advantage because she knows she can lean on reader and have a fun night.

These two characters have a lot of history, and we are only seeing a snippet of when they are finally communicating this particular issue. They have gone their whole lives not just supporting each other but tip-toeing around each other's issues to be the shoulder to cry on. We are talking about two girls that grew up together, are now in their late 20’s, and have still stuck by each other-after moves, college, jobs, long term relationships not working, etc. In the scheme of it all, this extended spat that reader has held on to without telling Anna is...tiny. They will get over it. They are sisters that chose each other rather than born into the same family.

I did debate having Santiago and Frankie be stuck in the middle, but that was just wrong with not only the timeline I’m following (Frankie and reader being together for only a couple weeks of time) but also your significant other getting in the middle of your friendship spats is typically the indicator of boundaries being overstepped. (I can only use myself as the example. If my friends and I are having issues, my partner is being told information exclusively so I can work through it out loud. He does not get in the middle, he does not talk to my friend to defend me, NOTHING without my consent first.) Especially if the relationship is new. Frankie asks multiple times if everything is okay, and reader says she will handle it. Santiago asks Anna what’s going on, and she gives an explanation that is pretty vague, because at the end of the day-this is between Anna and reader and no one else. And...maybe this is me just writing in a self-indulgent way.

So I guess what I’m saying is yeah maybe it was anticlimactic, but without it being fucking crazyyyyyyy (which there is a place for that, but I am not currently able to write it) this is what makes sense for Anna and reader’s relationship in my brain.

[castle-dominion]

castle 5x22 the squab & the quail

hhhhhh this episode reminds me I have work this afternoon screw that. I just prayed an entire rosary so I get to go home early

Ok wow gay servers such a thing, loud chefs, loud expo, GIVE THEM THE GOSHDARN CHIT THO squab & quail DON'T TOUCH THE PLATE LIKE THAT Spray on purpose or...? poison? Ew glass tables

that is a lot of money & pricey af the poison would not work that fast... in a situation like that, point at some SPECIFIC person & tell them to call 911

Girl he's playing a videogame pwned XD he had plans to play with Patel! it's not my mom it's worse XD so true bestie

canadian lol

lmao ew capitalism

clipped the *oof* now

RC: Last supper list. (off their look) You and a table of 12 with anyone from history. What is mine, you ask? I’m glad you did. In order it is, Lincoln, Einstein, Ian Fleming, John Lennon, Joan of Arc, Sinatra – (he notices BECKETT’S face dropping. she sighs) And you, of course. Ok but Joan of Arc MMMMM that smile from ryan XD

at least he holds up a finger nice of him ig HE KNOWS HIS BOOKS

Esposito has returned Lmao ofc it was propped open, u know how hot it gets & how many chefs smoke?

"when you're paying attention" lol

dark hair MAYBE

shouldn't be but it always is RC: Corporate raider shutters a chemical plant and ends up eating crow. Or in this case, poisoned squab. It’s poetic. Diabolically speaking.

Nice outfit on esposito. also ryan. & everyone. Like beckett.

Maybe smth from the carribbean where his family was?

I don't need to clip but Iwill, lanie <3

castle REMEMBERS the menu? maybe ryan just didn't know lol

Lucas, this is the kid who said yes chef & served the plates

Yep all this screaming. I don't want to go to work.

KB: Do you know anyone that would want you dead? Eric Vaugh: No Me: you're a rich capitalist, what are you thinking? he's actually... surprisingly,, considerate

Petra? the indian boy?

PRIVATE security

a heart in the coffee <3 <3 I could clip this but I won't RC: (scoffs) Jealous? (off her amused look) Yes. Yeah he's cool & stuff but I love YOU KB: he is not interested in me VG: hi, he wants u specifically I think it's cool how she wants to recommend specific uniformed officers lol ONLY beckett?

Hit list? clipping this jenny my beloved wow esposito's hair JE: Because at the moment he is stupid drunk. Seeing double. skfjslkdjfsdkfsj RC: To make him the best damn cup of coffee he’s ever had.

He did a background check? good afternoon <3 David Anderson (the attorney): If he gives you any trouble we can put him on investor conference calls all day.

Saxiphone Lanie my beloved freebie five?

Talented researcher bro Beckett's turtleneck <3

I like her outfit & esposito looks kind of boring but nice & ryan looks beautiful I recognize her tbh the room is too dark. The other room needs to be darker for the glass to work

castle rattling the door what is even..?? XD XD XD RC: Okay, so after two cups of coffee, a latte, and three espressos our homeless friend Mr. Hazelton over there finally sobered up. yk i'm clipping

nice transition into the building them walking, rly good

Oof right in the head like that...

OH YES THEY REMEMBERED THE ALLERGY THEY GAVE HIM IN S1 HECK YEAH KR: I’ll live, unlike Cory Harrison. Ok that reminds me, in the The Ring episode, ther was no forced entry for the first vic, they never solved that

Ey beckett is here VG: You and the boys can go back there Mr. Castle. Why kill the busboy after getting him to kill someone else? using one murder to cover up another?

Just like my mom. She trusts me, but not the ppl I'm around castle chill

RC: Let’s get to that restaurant and get some answers. CASTLE leads the way out the door but RYAN and ESPOSITO don’t follow him. They head for their desks. RC: Seriously, guys. I mean it.

is this the same hotel they used in LA?

Sussman? gun ok yeah valid but ew she's right Ooh! Thank you sir! the essential lol, booze & a pretty girl

*hits himself in the eye* you know during The Thing, she coud have said "we were that close because he did a dumb" but the champagne was already poured so it would not have been a good excuse *update* yeah castle visits the hotel at some point after champagne before The Thing

Ooooof, legit? This is new york!

She is going to reveal that!?!? not too much tho ooh architecture! You patented that? I mean,,, you have a reason,, but make it free too bro I have suffered for it XD

Gates is so pretty castle not knowing how to do stuff & ryan doing it for him jashsjdfkjsfdh also castle investigator moments, gates is probably impressed what's on his neck? KB: Oh my gosh. You’re sounding like my dad dropping me off at summer camp. Remember petra tho? JEALOUSY

Tory jdsfdsjflkh I love her See? I mentioned the neck THE PRESCHOOL I was right! POSSIBLE match

Apple XD & alexis <3 Castle don't yell at your daughter MARTHA NOT THE RIGHT THING TO SAY & alexis' shirt martha is sort of right but GIRL SHUP

Wait they said ballistics would take a few hours, why are they still at work? why is CASTLE home? He would be the one to stay as long as possible! why didn't they text the photo last time? JE: Yep. He’s a match for height, age, and placement of creepy neck tattoo.

He really is a charmer except for one thing: why won't you sleep with me? Well you could CALL castle & ask his permission... say "hey I want to sleep with him but I LOVE you & I want your permission, because I respect you & if you say no then I will not" & that might actually be the thing to drive castle to say yes bc she trusts him & loves him & will always come back to him even if she sleeps with this guy. & also castle would be able to say she slept with eric vaughn & still chose me

He dead?

Castle <3 lol she's right KB: Yeah, preferably one without windows that snipers can't shoot through.

KR: Hey Beckett, I hate to do this to you, but I need to take your statement. *taps his notebook* Beckett could have said "actually if he was there I must have been a bit farther back" also it's cool how dever gets to wear his wedding ring (with duplicates of it) on camera bc his character is canonically married. & ryan's wife's actress is married to ryan's actor. Cool af. KR: Right … (he moves to where she gestures) … here. *He looks up and realizes he’s right in BECKETT’S space. He backs up a bit and looks to the hole in the window.* *almost clocks her in the jaw* stumbled you say. ryan taking it down as if he believes her yk rly sus, eats the wrong food, stumbles at the shot, sounds like he knew what was going on. KB: He kissed me castle KR: I'M DONE HERE *leaves*

RC: Well, if he kissed you, why wouldn’t you just push him away? KB: RC: Oh. Which is why he’s not dead.

She's from a farming family? She's a lead researcher. I'm proud of her. Why else would he want toxin? Oh. nvm. rival lab. AFTER the drop? No deposit fee? I would say "one quarter now to know you're good, I give you what you want, the remainder after" or smth.

Going on a tour! WAIT WHAT? HE AUTHORIZED IT? mexicali? she believes him too much girl that's exactly how they make money.

RC: Oh Beckett. That’s what they said about Bernie Madoff. Like Madoff, it’s quite possible Vaughn’s entire empire is a house of cards. If Felder was going to visit MexiSolar he would have found out about the scam. The house of cards would collapse. Eric Vaughn couldn’t have that. And what better way to get away with murder than to make yourself look to be the intended target? Don’t you see? This entire thing is a charade.

RC: Of all the confessions over all the years, this one is going to hold a special place in my heart. the universe demands why not get ryan or esposito?

Right, he doesn't actually look at the things he signs, he doesn't oversee the day-to-day... that's how you become a billionaire. He would NOT have JUST ONE person overseeing, he would delegate. it's like when you're a chef, if you own the place you don't cook. If you are a manager you don't line cook. You delegate to your test kitchen manager, your individual establishment managers, they delegate to their sous chefs & chefs to parties, there is not (usuall) one person who owns the place & then delegates to a single manager, they would delegate to multiple people who are in charge of different things.

RC: Oops yeah digging your own grave b'y

key word: FEEL LIKE you know them right, new york is way closer to the canadian border than mexico. Ooh the music!

Tell him he's on your last supper list. I like his outfit Do you? *tries to catch him in the elevator*

viddy game & a rose. playstation specifically. HE JUST BROKE THE CORD

Just symbolic

Becks, you can ask him again.

Ok I have an extra 12 minutes. Then I have abt half an hour before I need to go to work. Which is stupid. I need to leave for work an hour & a half before my shift!?!? I mean it is a 45 minute bus ride & I need to be there 15m early to change & iron so that's an hour, but my bus either gets there 5 minutes early (or less) or 35 minutes early. So that's another 15min there, & ofc I need to give myself 15m before I leave just in case. That's more like when I stop doing whatever I'm doing & get ready to go. But I might not be able to get it done in 15m so I need to use these 10 extra minutes right now. I need to put on my binder & make sure I have my bus tickets & stuff. Then I can leave. so it's an hour & a half. ew af.

So I might not get started on the next castle, I might instead try to post some of my drafts & clips so I can get space on my phone.

Pray that I get cut early pls.

[youkiyoh]

your (my) happy ending | l.dh

pairing : lee donghyuck x fem! reader

genre : slight fluff, lots of angst, best friends to lovers

warnings : cursing, slight making out, mentions of character’s death, mentions of sickness, mentions of disabilities

word count : 7k

summary : Lee Donghyuck represents the sun, and you mean the world to him. What happens when the world stops spinning? He’s left to write your his happy ending.

disclaimer : everything written in this story is purely fiction!! I’ve tried to do as much research as possible and may have overlooked some details, so I may not have done a good job at embodying the actual situation of someone actually suffering from illness or disabilities (I apologize in advance!) 

song recs : love you to death - chord overstreet // dear me, - gentle bones 

14.7.2009

You’ve been fighting for as long as you can remember. 

“Your daughter has been diagnosed with leukemia.” 

The word itself sounded foreign to you. You were about to turn to ask your Mom what it meant, your face falling when you see her hand over her mouth, holding back a sob as fresh tears seep from her eyes. 

What was a 7 year old girl going to know about dying? 

Hospital trips became a norm. School was no longer your second home, the doctor’s office was. Your parents were told that you wouldn’t make it past the age of 10. 

Yet here you are, a month away from your eighteenth birthday, getting weaker as time progresses, but still alive nevertheless.

You first met Donghyuck at the hospital. You remember it hurting so bad. You’ve never been so tired in your entire life, fever never seeming to subside even after three days. You had asked the nurse if you could go to the playground, sick of being coped up in a hospital room all day long. 

You never thought that you will one day be jealous of children who plays tag with their friends, who can climb up obstacles effortlessly to reach the top of slides, sliding down with the biggest grin on their faces. You used to be able to do all that. 

“Are you not going to play?” 

You were surprised by the sudden presence beside you, turning your attention towards the owner of the voice. A boy your age. 

You shake your head. “I can’t.” 

“Why not?” He asks, smile disappearing from his face as he tilts his head with a frown. “They don’t want to play with you?”

“No..” You reply, suddenly feeling shy about sharing details about yourself with a stranger. “I just get tired easily.” 

“Oh.” 

“What happened to your legs?” 

“Oh this?” The boy looks down at himself on the wheelchair, shrugging slightly. “I got into an accident.” 

“So you can’t walk anymore?” 7 year old you didn’t think before you speak. 

The boy however was nowhere near offended. He instead beams up at you, his smile so hopeful that you can’t help your lips from curling up. “My doctor says I’m getting better. I’ll be able to play soon. Like them!”

“That must be nice.” You nod, wondering when you’ll be able to hear those words from your doctor. It was always “Your next appointment is on...” never “You’re getting better.” 

“I’m Donghyuck.” He says. “We can play together after I get my legs back. I can’t go fast, so you won’t be tired.” 

“I’m Y/N.” You say. “I’ll like that.” 

Lee Donghyuck. That name ended up being one that you’ll say often. The boy who you later end up calling your best friend. The boy who never fails to brighten up your days when you feel exhausted after therapy. The boy who spent 2 months assembling his lego set, only to dismantle it so that you can build it with him again because you were too weak to play outside. 

Lee Donghyuck, the boy that you fell in love with but is too afraid to tell him. 

Like he said, Donghyuck did get better. You didn’t. 

07.10.2020

“There’s a new bookstore that opened recently. You want to visit it?” 

“I still have 4 books I’ve yet to read.” You look at the boy sitting beside your hospital bed, motioning towards the stack of books on the table. “Should probably read them before I get new ones.” 

“I didn’t ask you to buy anymore.” He rolls his eyes, his palms folded behind his head as he leans back against them. “It’s really pretty. There’s even a reading corner. Besides, you’ll finish your books in what, three days? I’m just preparing in advance before you pester me to get more with you again.” 

I don’t think I’ll be able to finish reading all of them. 

“Hyuck.” You call out, earning a low hum from him. This was harder than you thought. Were you not able to say it because you’re afraid it’ll hurt him, or did you not want to hear it to spare yourself? 

“The doctor came before you.” You whisper, eyes trained on your lap as you toyed with your blanket. From the corner of your eye, you see him straighten up.  He keeps quiet, silently urging you to continue. 

“I told him I didn’t want to continue this anymore.” 

This. No more words were needed for him to understand what you mean. Too much of your time was spent at the hospital. Too much time wasted on treatment that didn’t seem to make you feel any better. All those time that can be meant for something more. 

The room fell silent, the only sound being yours and Donghyuck’s breathing and the ticking of the clock, mocking you of the limited unknown time you have left. 

“Didn’t he tell you that when you were 10? You’re still here isn’t it?” He smiles softly and you decide right there and then that you hate it. You hate how his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. You hate how you can’t have more time with him, with your parents, with anyone. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.” 

“I don’t know if I can fight it any longer.” You shrug, blankly staring as Donghyuck’s hand slides into yours, squeezing it tightly. “I’ve been getting more restless recently.” 

“Did he say when you can leave?” 

“In two days.” You interlock your fingers with his, relishing in the way his thumb rubbed soothing circles against the back of your hand. “I told my Mom I didn’t want to spend the last of my days in this stupid room.” 

“Hey don’t say that.” He chuckles lightly. “You still want to visit the bookstore then? I’ll buy you all the books you want.” 

The afternoon sun seeps through the curtains, yellow hue illuminating his caramel skin. You didn’t know what was brighter, the sunlight or the sheer presence of your best friend. It hits you then that throughout the years of knowing Donghyuck, you’ve never once seen him cry. His smile alone could brighten up the dullest room, you genuinely believe that it puts the sun to shame. Yet here he was, sitting beside you with tears brimming the corner of his eyes, doing everything he can to keep them from rolling down his cheeks. 

You smile. “Let’s visit the bookstore.” 

18 things I’ll do with you 

There’s a park a couple minutes away from your house. Ironically enough, you almost forgot what the view there looks like. You remember spending time with Donghyuck at this particular spot that overlooks the entire lake, the scenery so beautiful it looks like it came out straight of a fairytale. That period might have been the happiest you’ve been, because you did actually get better for awhile. You did get to play with Hyuck at the playground after he got his prosthetics fitted. 

“What’s this?” You ask, looking down at the pen and paper your best friend shoved into your hands. 18 things I want to do. 

“I don’t remember blind being one of your side effects.” He jokes, earning a glare from you. “I’m kidding. Fill it in.” 

“18 is a lot Hyuck. I don’t think I-”

“Just... fill it in.” He pleads, staring straight ahead. “Doesn’t matter if we can’t complete it, I just want to know. Of course, if that’s okay with you.” 

“Okay.” You agree, uncapping the pen. “I need some time though.” 

“We have the whole afternoon.” He says, leaning down to rest his head on your shoulder. You let him, waiting for him to shift comfortably before you rest your own on top of his. “Besides, it’s been awhile since we last sat here.” 

You start writing, 18 spaces not enough for you to pen down everything you want to experience. You feel yourself grow ambitious the more you scribble down your thoughts, the last few being things you know that you’ll never be able to do. 

“I’m done.” You whisper, scanning over the paper before passing it back to Donghyuck. He reads it silently, folds it and place it into his pocket. 

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“I promise, this will be the happiest month of your life.” 

You chuckle. “I don’t have much to compare, but I’ll hold you to that. It better be.” 

5. go to the bookstore 

Donghyuck was right. You love the newly open bookstore. The moment the door swings open, you were greeted with the smell of woods and coffee beans. Not a smell you expected, but not invading either. It was almost the perfect combination.  

“I told you.” Hyuck teases, tapping your chin lightly that had fell open in awe. “It’s nice huh?” 

“Yeah.” You can almost feel the excitement bubbling in the pit of your stomach, looking at the endless amount of books that you can’t wait to explore. Potted plants hang from the ceiling, acting as decorations. People scattered all around the comforting space, some looking for a new novel to satisfy their late night readings, students rushing homework, others sitting near the window with a coffee in hand, people watching. 

“Matcha?” The boy asks, pointing towards the small cafe space at the corner. You nod at the mention of your go-to beverage, leaving Hyuck to order for the both of you as you make your way towards the shelves. God, you already knew you’re about to spend the whole day here. 

Reading had always been your favourite hobby. There wasn’t much to do anyways, given your condition, so you settled on the one thing that you could do without having to leave the comfort of your bed. You fell in in love with reading because of its endless possibilities. You’re no longer a girl who’s sick. You become a warrior, fighting for the safety of your people. You become a detective, trying to figure out who exactly murdered your neighbour’s husband. You become an average college student, trying to balance between adulting and getting good grades. 

“Thought you said you’re going to finish those you have at home first?” Donghyuck asks, watching you place 3 new books on the table he manage to secure at the far end of the store. “Let me guess, you’re already done with them.” 

“Bingo.” You smile, taking a sip of your drink. “They weren’t very good though.” 

He gasps offendedly, placing a hand against his chest. “You’re insulting my taste?” 

“You’ll insult your own taste when you actually read them.” You sigh, recalling the contents of the novels that either had a weak plot or zero character development. “I know you only got them because the cover was pretty.” 

“Maybe I’ll read them one day.” Donghyuck picks up the first book in your pile, flipping aimlessly through the pages. “I don’t know how you do this. I don’t think I can sit all day to read.” 

“You can if it’s the only thing you can do.” 

The boy freezes at your words, the novel dangling between his fingertips. “Y/N, that’s not what I meant.” 

“I know.” You laugh, letting him know that you weren’t upset. He sighs in relief, the book plopping down into his lap.

“What will your story be like if you can write?” 

“It’ll be about adventure.” You reply without hesitation, having thought about too many times. “Just 2 people travelling the world and their diary entries. The type of people they encounter. Different cultures of the countries they visit. Whether the landmarks are worth the visit. If they enjoy the food served there. I’ll write something along those lines.” 

“That’s simple. And effective.” Donghyuck grins. “I might actually be interested in it.”

“Please. You’re never interested in anything I recommend you.” You roll your eyes. Getting your best friend to read is as hard as getting pigs to fly. Maybe even harder. 

“I will if you wrote it though.” He shrugs. You don’t miss the hint of sadness that accompanies his voice. “You want to know what I’ll write if I ever become an author?”

“In another universe maybe, but sure. What will your story be?” 

“The world will be set just like ours is now. Only difference is that technology is advanced. Way more advanced than what we have now, and people will only suffer from old age. Nothing else.” You tear your gaze away from Hyuck, looking out the tinted windows. “2 people will meet in school. They’re the main characters. They become best friends. They’ll spend their entire teenage years with each other and their group of friends. And they’ll end up realizing they’ve been in love with each other all along.” You feel him staring at you, a lump starting to form at the back of your throat. “They’ll live happily ever after.” 

“You’ll make a great author.” You whisper, not caring if he notice the redness of your eyes. “Maybe you can consider that as an occupation choice in college.” 

“Do you want me to?” He asks. “Because I’ll do it in a heartbeat. I’ll do anything for you.” 

“Hyuck, that’s your own choice to make. I’ve told you before, I don’t need anyone to live for me.” You can’t hold it back any longer. Your first tear falls. “I don’t want sympathy.” 

“This isn’t sympathy. I just want you to be happy.” He frowns, moving forward to wipe your tears away, his palm resting against your cheek. “You deserve the world, more than anyone else. You deserve to be able to see the world.” 

“I am happy.” You sniffle, leaning into the warmth of his skin. “You, my parents, all of you make me so happy. And I will be. Please don’t start treating me differently.” 

“Of course not.” He shakes his head profusely. “We still have so much to do you know? And we’re going to finish it. I don’t care how weak you get.” 

You giggle, a genuine one that erupts from your lips. One that Donghyuck so desperately wishes he can hear for the rest of his life. “I don’t remember this being first on the list though. It’s the fifth isn’t it?”

“Where’s the fun if we go in order?” A playful expression taking over his features. “There’s no surprise in that.” 

“Anyways, we should go. You spent almost 2 hours looking through those shelves.” He stands, quickly snatching the 3 books you have in your grasp. “I’ll pay. I promised your Dad I’ll have you home by dinner.” 

11. teach me how to skate 

For someone with prosthetics, your best friend is frighteningly good at ice skating. Not at the level that he can make it into the school team, but good enough to do tricks that can amaze a regular person. (Or maybe just you.)

You dropped out of school when you became too occupied with treatment and started home schooling. Donghyuck invited you to the rink to skate with him but you were too afraid back then, opting to watch him from the seats instead. 

“I can’t believe this made it to your list.” You can hear the evident smile in his voice as he laces his skates. “I’ve been trying to get you to skate for years.” 

You shrug. “I had a clear deadline of my apparent death date back then.”

You hear his breath hitch.

“Sorry. Too soon?”

“I hate how you joke about it to cope with it.” Donghyuck deadpans. “You’re crazily optimistic for someone who’s dying you know?”

“Okay,” You huff, jabbing a finger into his forearm. “Look who’s speaking now.” 

He smirks, extending his arm out in which you gingerly slide your hand into his and you let him to pull you to your feet. You manage to get a clear view of the rink, the sudden emptiness of it making you feel giddy. “Does no one come here on Thursday nights?” 

“The guys are usually here with me.” He replies, leading you towards the rink, and your mind immediately drifts to the group of friends from Hyuck’s school, having met them once. “I asked them not to come today though, we don’t want them seeing you fall on ice right?” 

“How gentleman of you.” You scoff. “Just say that you want me all for yourself Lee Donghyuck, I swear I won’t tease.” 

He turns towards you abruptly, face only inches away from yours and the proximity had you tilting your head back. “I do want you all to myself. Sharing’s not really my thing.” 

Bold of you to think you can match Donghyuck’s flirty personality. 

“We’re here to skate.” You clear your throat, pushing him towards the rink to avoid him seeing the red hue creeping up your neck. 

He moves first, stepping onto the ice. He reaches out his arms towards you and you gladly latch yourself onto him, testing the waters carefully with one skate.

“You said this will be easy.” You huff, starting to balance slowly once you’re fully on the ice. “I can’t even stand properly.” 

“I’ve never lied to you.” Donghyuck starts moving backwards slowly, stopping when you look up at him with panic in your eyes. “I got you, I’ll hold onto you okay?” 

“Just small steps. Try bending your knees more. And then we can start going faster.” He instructs patiently, allowing you to move across the ice. You march pathetically, trying to match his movements. Donghyuck can’t help the laughter from escaping his mouth, watching you waddle after him like a baby penguin chasing its mother. A sight he’s been dying to see for years. 

It didn’t take you too long before you tell your best friend that you’re comfortable enough to start going faster. He silently obliges, guiding you with your glides until you make the entire stretch. 

“Not as bad as you thought huh?” Donghyuck asks, grinning proudly at you. “You did great, considering it’s your first time on ice. Even better than me actually, but then again your legs are real.” 

“And you said joking about it was my way of coping?” You narrow your eyes at Donghyuck. “Look who’s talking.”

Donghyuck throws you a sheepish smile, starting to glide again. You start getting the hang of it, gliding faster than you thought you could, high off the exhilaration you felt. You finally understood why Donghyuck loves the sport so much. The cold wind hitting your skin as you move carefreely was almost addictive. 

“I’m letting go.” You whisper. Donghyuck nods, settling you at the edge of the rink before skating to the other end himself. He shouts, voice echoing throughout the entire space. “Skate over!”

Perhaps it’s the confidence laced in his voice, or the fact that there was nothing left for you lose. What’s the most that’s going to happen? You fall and pick yourself back up. You start skating without your best friend holding you, your knees bucking initially but you manage to steady yourself, his figure getting bigger and bigger until you reach him. “I did it.” You felt giddy with excitement, something you haven’t felt in a very long time. “Hyuck I did it.”

“You did it.” Donghyuck praises, pulling you into his chest as he gives you the biggest bone crushing hug. “Felt good?” 

“Yeah.” You nod, slinging you arms around his neck as you return the affection. “I think I finally understand why you like it so much.” 

Donghyuck pulls away, about to hit you with a “I told you so” when he looks at you and you can almost feel the moment the happiness leaves his body. It was then did you feel the slow trickle of warm liquid down your nose. 

“Fuck, it’s okay.” You shake your head, holding your hand over the area. “Uh, I have tissues in my bag, can we go back?” 

“Come on.” Donghyuck frowns, his fingers interlace with yours like two puzzle pieces fitted just for each other. Luckily for you, the skate back to the entrance wasn’t too far away and you were able to quickly press a tissue against your nose before your blood stained anything in the rink.

“Has it been happening more often?” Donghyuck asks, his brows furrowed together in concern.

“After I stopped therapy, yes.” You say, watching as his shoulders visibly sag and he busies himself with untying the laces of your skates.

“It’s not painful right?” He asks, pulling your feet out and sliding your sneakers back on. “You’re not in pain right?”

“No. It’s not painful at all.” You place a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “I just get them more regularly than I used to. That’s it.”

Donghyuck shifts back up to look at you. For a moment, you just sit there, running your eyes across his entire face until he brushes his hand across your forehead, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “You’re going to be okay.”

I’m going to be okay.

His gaze travels down to your lips momentarily before he looks into your eyes again. You feel him leaning forward, your own breath getting caught in your throat. You hear your heart pounding against your chest, the buzzing in your ears getting louder and louder the closer he got. Lee Donghyuck, the boy that barged into your life with every shade of yellow trailing behind him when you were at your lowest, your best friend of years, was about to kiss you.

He doesn’t. 

He settles for a kiss on your cheeks instead, his lips lingering not longer than 3 seconds.

“You’re going to be okay.”

3. sing to me 

Your body starts failing on you.

Walks begin feeling a little more breathless. You had to pause once in awhile, lowering yourself on a nearby bench to rest before you can continue. So when your Mom cancelled dinner with Donghyuck, saying that you’re too tired this particular day to leave the house despite your protests, you best believe the boy is going to appear on your front porch with two platters of sushi in hand.

“You can take us out of the sushi bar but you can’t take sushi bar out of us!” Donghyuck exclaims, kicking at your door with his leg, announcing his arrival. “What’re you doing? Your Mom said you’re asleep.” 

“What’re you doing here?” 

“You stood me up and I was starving to death.” Your best friend sighs dramatically, dropping the bag of food on your table before flopping onto your bed. Donghyuck turns his head to look at you, all curled up under your pile of blankets, hair resembling that of a bird’s nest, lips slightly pale. 

Under your bedroom lights, Donghyuck believes you’re the prettiest thing he’s ever laid eyes on. 

“So what were you doing?” He asks, moving closer to you under the blankets with his eyes focused on the screen, an episode of Mr Bean softly playing in the background. Sushi platter long discarded on the floor of your room. 

“Writing.” 

“Writing?” Donghyuck turns to you, his brown orbs glistening in delight. “That story?” 

“Well I was trying.” You smile sheepishly, picking at your nails. “I don’t know how to start it though.” 

“You’re experiencing a writer’s block without even starting?”

You shrug. “I don’t know what Paris looks like.” 

You shouldn’t have said that, because you hate the way Donghyuck’s smile falls from his face.

“That’s okay.” He pokes his tongue against his inner cheek, something he’s always done out of habit. “We can go there together next time. I’ll even plan the itinerary. And you’re welcome, because you know I hate planning.” 

“You’re crazily optimistic you know?” You mock his words, shaking your head softly. 

“I learn from the best.” 

Silence isn’t something that’s foreign between you two. There’s the silence that’s awkward, and then there’s the silence that’s comfortable. The one you had with Donghyuck was something way more than comfortable. 

It felt like home. 

There was no need for words. He’s just there. He always has been. 

“Hyuck.” You call softly. “It’s cold.” 

“Come here.” 

If only death is as peaceful as it is right now, being engulfed in the warmth of the one person you held so close to heart, you would welcome it with open arms. 

You feel yourself sinking into a hole. Never knowing when you’ll reach the ground, darkness taking over with every passing second. 

Hyuck.

His face getting blurry. All the memories you had with him slowly disappearing. 

You don’t want to forget them. 

You never want to forget them.

“Can you sing?” 

“What do you want to hear?” 

“Anything.” You whisper, eyes fluttering shut, head buried into Donghyuck’s chest. “I just want to hear you.” 

And he starts. His voice was like honey. Sweet, smooth. Addictive. You never want to stop hearing him sing. He can be singing the ugliest song you’ve ever heard, yet he manages to turn it angelic. 

You remember him talking about music. The burning passion in his eyes whenever he speaks about it. How he’ll major in music when he goes off to college. The way his eyes closes, the way his nose scrunches, the way his body sways to the melody.

The world will be a better place if people could hear Donghyuck sing. 

You hope that people will be able to hear him one day. 

There wasn’t a need to be jealous. So what if you won’t be there? He’s here, in your room. His lips beside your ear, hands playing with your hair, lulling you to sleep. 

Donghyuck feels his first tear fall. You don’t, chest heaving up and down peacefully. 

He’s home. 

His prosthetics sit next to your bedside table. Your empty medicine bottles decorating the top of it. 

A disabled boy. A dying girl. 

He’s home. 

“I love you.” 

He loves you

8. watch the sunset from your rooftop

1. can i kiss you?

There is one thing that you love about Donghyuck’s house. (apart from the boy living in it) It’s the rooftop. 

You can see the sunset from there. His house sits at the last of the stretch, so there was no need to worry about getting blocked. 

You’ve only ever seen it once when you stayed over as a kid, and your friend had dragged you up the flight of stairs hurriedly, way faster than your little legs could go back then. 

You would run a marathon for that view. 

It was breathtaking. 

Thankfully, there was no need to actually run a marathon to be able to experience it again. 

“You know, I’ve been up here countless times.” Donghyuck says, looking up at the sky. “Never as pretty as that one time you saw it with me.” 

“I’m honored.” You laugh, tucking your knees to your chest, head resting between them. “Maybe pretty views just like me more than you.” 

“You’re my view though.” 

“Don’t say that.” You roll your eyes playfully, pushing his shoulder to hide the growing blush on your cheeks. 

“I mean it, Y/N.” He smiles softly, looking at you with utmost sincerity. “I mean every fucking word I said.” 

“Okay.” You breathe out, heart pounding relentlessly. “Well...thank you.” 

Donghyuck reaches into his back pocket. “Actually, I have a list too.” 

“Oh?”

“There’s only one thing though.” He shakily hands you the piece of paper, and the action itself seems endearing. 

Lee Donghyuck is nervous. 

“This is something you want to do?” You ask, carefully opening the note. “We’re doing it together?” 

“Yeah.” He nods, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. “Just read it first.” 

His eyes dart nervously between you and your hands, and he feels like exploding. 

You read it. 

You read it again.

Oh god, why are you not saying anything? 

“Y/N?”

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He mumbles nervously, repeatedly rubbing the back of his neck. “Shit, I didn’t make you uncomfortable did I? This was a stupid idea, I’m so-”

You kiss him.

One second. 

Two seconds. 

Five seconds. 

You pull away. His eyes wide, staring at you. You can’t help giggling at his face. 

“I didn’t say no though.” 

It takes him two seconds to register that you had kissed him before he was leaning back down, chasing after your lips. 

You thought you were home with Donghyuck before, but this, this feels right. 

You felt drunk kissing Donghyuck. His lips slightly chapped, but so was yours. His hands pressed against your cheeks warmly, holding you as if afraid that you’re going to slip away beneath his fingertips. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you tug him unbearably close until all your senses were clouded with him and him only. 

He deepens the kiss, tongue brushing over your own, lips hot against yours. You feel dizzy in that moment. Dizzy with the overflowing passion he’s throwing at you. 

You pull away first, lungs desperately begging for air. Panting heavily, you rest your forehead against his, eyes closed, a shy smile tugging at your lips. 

“Hyuck.” 

A raw sob escapes his lips. 

You freeze. You never thought you’ll ever witness Lee Donghyuck crying. You don’t even think he cried after the accident that took his legs. 

He was sobbing uncontrollably, head buried in your neck, tears spilling down onto your skin. His entire frame shakes, hands bunching up the fabric of your shirt around your waist. 

“I hate you.” He cries.

“I hate you so fucking much.” 

He loves you. 

“It’s okay.” You whisper. Funny enough, your tears don’t fall. 

“It’s not okay. You’re dying. You’re fucking dying and it hurts.” 

“Just a little earlier.” 

“A little?” He sniffs, looking at you with bloodshot eyes. “Our story hasn’t even started yet and you’re leaving. That’s not how it works Y/N. That’s not what writers do.” 

“I know you’ll write it.” 

“I don’t want to do it alone.” He hiccups, a whole new wave of tears threatening to spill again. “I’m a selfish person.”

You smile endearingly, endeared by him. This time, you’re the one reaching out to wipe his tears away. “I guess that’s why we go so well together.” 

“I’m a selfish person too.”

He remains silent, his breath steadying slowly. “You really are.” 

His head find solace in the crook of your neck once again, breathing in your scent. You smell like peaches, the ever so subtle smell of tiger balm wafting into his nose. 

“Hyuck.” You call out, your hand tangled in his mop of brown hair. “Look.”

He looks. 

The view really does favor you over him. For the second time in his life, the sunset from his rooftop was beautiful. 

Red, orange, yellow, every single shade blended together to create a hue so warm, so perfect he thought it was a painting. Was this what you’ve always compared him to? 

He’s the sun, and you’re his world. What happens when the world stops spinning? 

He doesn’t want to find out. 

For now, he’ll settle for looking at you. 

The sunset may be the view you came to the rooftop looking for. But it wasn’t his.

He came up looking for you. 

To Lee Donghyuck, you’ve always been the view. 

He leans in, pressing a chaste kiss against your temple. 

“Stay with me.”

“I’d love to.” 

#. detour 

Donghyuck gets a call from your Mom and it feels like his world is collapsing. 

Almost. 

All he heard was ‘hospital’ and ‘passed out’ and he had ran out of the classroom before the teacher could even yell at him. His stupid chemistry test can wait.

You couldn’t. 

He rushes to the hospital, heart heavy as he searches for your room. He almost slips after seeing your parents sitting outside the emergency room. 

“Is she okay?” 

“Oh Hyuck, you’re here.” Your Mom sniffs, rubbing her nose. “I’m sorry, you must be having school now right? I should have-” 

“No, that’s fine.” He pants, eyes flickering between the parental figures he has grown so accustomed to and the unlit emergency sign. “Y/N, she’s okay right? Please, please tell me she’s okay.” 

“She is.”

All this while he felt like he was running with a mountain attached to him. Pulling him back from reaching you. 

He was so afraid that he had been too late. He was so afraid that he’ll never be able to hear your voice again. 

“Oh thank god.” He closes his eyes, hunching over as he breathes deeply. 

“Her chances aren’t good.” Your Dad says softly and Donghyuck feels the mountain reattaching itself back to him. “The doctor says we should be prepared.” 

How can anyone be prepared to lose someone? How can anyone be prepared to lose you?

“Can I have some time with her? Is she awake?” Donghyuck gulps, wiping his palms against the fabric of his jeans. 

Your Mom smiles at the boy. “Go on in. She took a nap just now.” He bows, pushing open the door quietly, stepping into your room. 

“Y/N?”

“Hyuck?” 

He doesn’t say anything else, marching over to your bed in 3 large strides before wrapping his arms around you. 

“Don’t ever scare me like this again.” He sighs, breath tickling your ear. “I thought the worst.”

“Did my Mom tell you?” You ask, rubbing his back soothingly. “I told her I’ll call you myself.” 

Donghyuck scoffs, pulling away to look at you. “You’d only call me when you get home.”

“That’s an accusation.” You hiss, narrowing your eyes at him. “I can sue you for that you know?”

He smiles, a bright one, eyes curling up into crescents, his nose slightly scrunched up. “Go ahead.” His head dips down, and you let out a noise in surprise. “I’ll let you win the case.”

“Since when did I let you kiss me?”

You were smiling nevertheless.

Donghyuck kisses you again, lingering a little longer than the last time. He tasted like apple cobbler, and you find yourself unconsciously leaning up to reach him. 

“No one said anything about the list having an expiration date.” You can feel him smile against your lips.

“You’re still quite warm.” He mumbles, pressing his palm to your forehead. “Your fever hasn’t gone down?”

“It got better.” You shrug, shifting slightly so that he can comfortably sit on your bed. “You might have burned yourself when you touched me yesterday.”

“And you didn’t tell anyone?” Donghyuck lectures, frowning disapprovingly. “Can you please listen to your body?” 

“I don’t want to come back here.” You whine, throwing your hands up in frustration. “This sucks so bad. I want to be outside.

“I know.” He says, brushing the stray hairs out of your face. “Is there anything on your list I should prioritize first?” 

You think back over the list you wrote down, mentally going through all of them. 2. i’ve never been to a carnival (you don’t think you have the capacity to even sit the carousel right now)  9. go on a road trip (can be done, but hard. too tiring) 17. go to Paris (why was this even on the list?)

“Remember where we went to celebrate when you turned 15?” You ask, turning up to look Donghyuck. “You said it was the best birthday you’ve ever had?” 

“Yeah.” He smiles back, the memories flooding back to him. “That was truly the best birthday ever.” 

“So, number 7?”

You nod. “Number 7.” 

7. my happy ending 

You insisted on taking the 2 hour walk to the beach despite your parents (and Donghyuck’s) protests. 

“The weather is beautiful today.” You argue. 

“I don’t know when it’ll ever be as nice as this again.”

And so they let you. 

Donghyuck knocked on your door when the sky was still dark, waiting until you were ready to leave. 

You should have known better that this is going to tire your best friend. 

“I’m sorry.” You apologize, bottom lip tugged between your teeth as you wait for him to catch his breath. God, Donghyuck was right. You really are selfish. 

“Don’t apologize.” He breathes out, his grip on your hand tightening. “I’m okay, we’re almost there. Maybe even catch the sunrise.”

The two of you continue your journey in silence, accompanied by the low hums from the early wind and the soft, distant chirping of birds. You faintly hear the sound of waves crashing and look towards your friend, already finding him smiling back at you. 

“There.” You whisper, pointing towards the small bench sitting alone at the edge of the pavement. The bench that you and Donghyuck first discovered gave the best view of the entire beach. The bench that you surprised Donghyuck with his favourite chocolate cake on his 15th birthday. “It’s still there.” 

Donghyuck lets go of your hand, bending down slightly in front of you. “Come on.” 

“Hyuck,” You start, shaking your head in disapproval. “No, you’re tired.” 

“I’m not.” He argues, patting his back. “Quick, the sun is rising. You already made me walk 2 hours to get here. What more harm can a piggyback ride do?” 

And because you can never say no to Lee Donghyuck, you hesitantly climb onto his back, surprised by how he’s able to hoist you up with ease. 

You sigh softly, resting your head comfortably against his shoulder. If the world didn’t want to give you a healthy body, could it give you the ability to stop time? 

You love him. You’ve been in love with him ever since he offered to play with you. You fell in love with the way he manages to live life to the fullest despite his limitations. You fell in love with the way he treated you as Y/N. 

You’re in love with Lee Donghyuck and you never ever want to stop loving him. 

“Lee Donghyuck.” 

You feel him tense up. “Oh no.” He chuckles nervously. “My full name?” 

“I love you.” 

It takes a while for him to respond. “I love you too.” 

He loves you back. 

Donghyuck sets you down slowly on the bench. He’s panting heavily at this point, falling down next to you as he tilts his head back to catch his breath. 

“I told you you didn’t need to.” You frown, brushing the hair out of his face. A smile tugs at his lips from your affection, and he feels the energy flowing back into his body. 

“I wanted to.” He gently grabs your hand, pressing his lips to your palm. “You loved it that one time I did it.” 

Your heart twists. He’s giving you so much. 

And you can never give them back. 

Coming to the beach in the early morning will forever remain one of yours and Donghyuck’s little secret. It was just the two of you crazy enough to sit here in the wee hours of the morning, waiting for the big golden yolk to start its work that day. 

You felt transported to another world sitting here. The saltiness of the beach, the low crashing of waves, the occasional cool breeze against your skin that had you tugging your sweater closer to your body. 

You imagine building a house here. A window next to your shared bed. Waking up in the morning pressed up next to him. Just the two of you watching the world in silence before starting your day. 

If only. 

“What’re you thinking about?” He asks, sliding an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into him. You hum contentedly, head nestled in the crook of his neck. 

“Just how nice it’ll be if I can live by the beach.” 

“You want to live by the beach?”

You nod. “It’s so beautiful.” 

“You didn’t write it on your list though.” 

You giggle softly. You feel the low vibrations coming from Donghyuck’s chest. 

“Hyuck?”

“Hmm?”

“Promise me something.” 

“Anything.”

“Go write your own story.” 

His breath hitches. His thumb stops drawing circles on your arm. 

“But you’re my ending.” 

“No. Find your own ending.” You plead, holding out your pinky. “Please?” 

He shakily lifts his free hand up, interlocking your finger with his. 

“I promise.” 

“Thank you.” 

You feel tired. Why are you so tired? 

“Remember when you smashed my face into my birthday cake here?” Donghyuck asks. “And then I threw it down your shirt?” 

You close your eyes, picturing the scenario. “Yeah. My Mom scolded me for the rest of the day. She just bought that shirt and you ruined it.” 

He laughs. “How was I suppose to know?”

You’re struggling to breathe. 

“I should have hugged my parents a little longer just now.” You whisper softly, a single tear escaping your eye. 

A whimper escapes Donghyuck’s lips. “Do you want to leave?” 

“No. No, it’s okay. I can do that when I get home.” 

“Tell me when you want them to pick us up okay? I don’t think I can carry you back.” Donghyuck feels his voice coming out shaky. “You’re pretty heavy.”

“Okay.”

It didn’t take long for the sky to light up. 

“Y/N, look.” 

The sun peeks between the clouds, so warm, so yellow. 

You didn’t look. 

“It’s pretty huh?” Donghyuck says again, squeezing you tighter against him. “Is this what you imagined?” 

Donghyuck’s heart races.

“Y/N?”

Lee Donghyuck cries. This time, you don’t see it. 

“Fuck.” He shakes. “Fuck, it’s okay. You’re okay.” 

The waves drown out his sobs. He hugs you so tight it physically hurts. He didn’t know how long it was until your parents came. 

“I love you.” 

“Go find your happy ending.” 

The sun became a little duller after that day. 

16.11.2034

“Mr Lee, thank you so much for accepting our interview.” 

Lee Donghyuck smiles at the man sitting across from him. “You’re welcome, I’m more than willing.” 

Lee Donghyuck, the singer-songwriter whose songs have touched the hearts of many. Lee Donghyuck, the boy who pursued a music career after graduating college and succeeded. 

Lee Donghyuck, the guy who recently published a book that someone didn’t get to finish. 

The last thing on the list. 

“What would you say is the biggest difference between writing a novel and songwriting?” 

“Writing a novel is hard.” He laughs, relaxing against the chair he’s seated on. “There’s so much more to consider. Every sentence has to mean something. There must be a correlation for your beginning and end. Whereas for songwriting, it just flows naturally to me. Maybe I’m just not a good writer. I’ll just stick to what I know I’m good at, music.” 

“So you won’t be writing another novel anytime soon I suppose?” 

“No.” Donghyuck shakes his head. “I don’t think so.” 

“Was travelling the inspiration behind your book?”

“Partly. Someone... actually gave me the inspiration for the book.” He admits, drumming his fingers on his knees. “Her dream was to see the world, and hopefully turn it into a story.” 

“She’s a friend I assume?”

“Yeah.” 

“And what did she think about your novel? Did she like it?” 

Lee Donghyuck closes his eyes and smile. 

“I really hope she did.”

18. write my own story 

[azaleavi]

Pretty boy

Summary: You don't like James Barnes. Of course not when he has a different girl with him every time. And no, you are not jealous... right?

Word count: 3.8k i went OUT with this one

Warnings: language, a man being a creep, then getting beaten up, kissing, very slight alcohol consumption

Author's note: This gave me the idea. It turned out to be pretty long. Sorry. I hope you like it! This is 40s!Bucky btw.

Feedback is always appreciated and don’t forget to reblog and like if you enjoyed it and want to see more. Thank you!

Masterlist

Part 2

James Barnes was a menace. An annoying little shit, who thought he could do anything and have anyone just because he was handsome. Not like you found him attractive or anything, but all the girls of New York seemed to drop their panties at the sight of him. One pet name and they were ready to kiss the ground he walked on. You couldn’t understand. How did these girls not see what kind of person he was? Multiple times you saw girls leave his apartment in the morning looking all sad. At first you felt bad for them, but after a while as they kept coming back you just couldn’t bring yourself to pity them.

Being a close friend of Steve meant you got to see a lot of James too. They were kind of a package deal, to which - by the way - you did not sign up for. Steve was the sweetest person you’ve ever met, maybe too righteous sometimes and he definitely did not know how to walk away from a fight, but he was a good man inside and out. James on the other hand was not like him. He wasn’t a bad man per se, but he was just too much of a player for you. He knew he was handsome and he used it to get girls all the time. Or dames as he called them. You hated that word by every fiber of your being. It reduced a woman to a simple object in your opinion and it basically said that she was only a pretty thing and nothing else. You did not want to be a pretty thing, you wanted more out of your life. Marrying some stuck up man and bearing his children was not something you dreamed of, no matter how many times people told you that it was what you had to do. No. You wanted a life that didn’t revolve around men. A life that you could choose for yourself. But it wasn’t that easy. Everyone expected you to do what they did. It didn’t even occur to them that you wanted something else.

Your mom had been telling you that you should marry James as he was such a nice young man. You just rolled your eyes every time she brought it up. She didn’t understand. How could she when she was so in love with your father after they met a few times that they got married just after a couple of months of knowing each other. Their love was something so extraordinary that you knew it wouldn’t happen to you. Especially not with James. He wasn't thinking about marriage and even if he did he wouldn't want you as a wife. Not like you wanted to marry him or anyone else for that matter, but that didn't mean that it didn't sting a little that he went after every girl he saw, but never thought of you the same way. He never even tried and it beat down your confidence a little. When you first met James you found him intriguing, your young self even had a crush on him for a while. But it didn't take long for you to get to know the real him and the disappointment made you force that crush down. You only laughed at yourself now, finding it hilarious that you once wanted to kiss him and love him. Of course, you didn't feel that way about him anymore. That would be stupid of you. Of course..

-

Having a night out with Steve was a wonderful idea. That is until James showed up, making you narrow your eyes at your friend. You clearly remembered him telling you that James had other plans and it would be just the two of you, but of course he had to mess up your plans.

You went to a bigger pub in the city, having been there before and liking it. James dragged Steve away as soon as you entered, talking about some girl he wanted to introduce him to, so you just went to the bar to ask for some alcohol. God knows you needed it if James was around.

All of the sudden two hands grabbed your waist and turned you around. Before you could realize what was happening a pair of lips were on yours, kissing with so much passion you almost moaned into it. Noses bumping against each other your hand gripped his hair. Your mind cleared as you realized that a stranger was kissing you without your permission and you pushed him away by his chest, hand already raised to slap him. Your whole body froze as you came face to face with a familiar man. James.

"What the fuck is your problem?" you hissed, your palm almost connecting with his cheek, but being stopped by his hand on your wrist. He pulled you close again by his hold on your arm.

"There is a girl I need to get rid of. Just play along" he mumbled, his breath hitting your lips as he leaned in for another kiss. You almost got lost in him again, but you were more aware and not caught by surprise this time so you managed to pull your head away from him.

"I will do no such thing" you narrowed your eyes at him. "Let go of me" you were getting angrier by the second. Who did he think he was?

"What if I don't want to?" Okay that's it. You ripped yourself from his arms.

“Listen here, pretty boy” you pointed your finger at him in your anger, not registering the smug expression that worked its way onto his face. “You can’t just do whatever you want because you are a-“

“You think I’m pretty?” he interrupted your angry rambling and grabbed your finger to pull you closer by it. In your surprise you stumbled forward, your hands finding place on his chest, your nose a few inches from his.

“James” you called out his name in warning. If he didn’t let go of you right now you wouldn’t be responsible for what you did to him.

“Come on, doll. I told you to call me Bucky multiple times” he smirked down at you.

“And I told you that we are not friends therefore I don’t have to call you your stupid nickname” you yanked your hand out of his grip, stepping back. “And stop calling me doll. I’m not one of your girls”

“Ouch doll, that hurts my feelings” he rubbed his chest where his heart was.

“Oh, I didn’t know you knew what those were” you frowned at him, not amused by his teasing. He opened his mouth in mocking shock.

"Don't be so mean to me. A lady like you should always be polite." he teased, knowing well that you hated being called a lady and being told what you should and should not do.

"Good thing I'm not a lady then" you grimaced at him, cocking your head to the side.

"Well, with the way you've been talking to me, I guess you aren't" he stepped back into your personal space. "And if you are not a lady then you should have no problem playing along with me."

"I'm might not be a lady, but I'm definitely not one of your dames either" you pushed him by his shoulders to finally have enough space between you.

"Are you jealous, doll?" a smug smile played on his lips.

"Oh very." your sarcasm was clear as day. "It would be an honor to lie in your bed then leave in the morning, only to never hear from you again." you turned back to the bar, your drink already in front of you. Lifting the glass you nodded at the bartender who gave you a small smile. You drowned it in one shot, the alcohol giving your throat a familiar burn as it went down. "Is there anything else you need?" you turned back to him. He didn't say anything as he kept staring at you. "No? Then you can leave me alone" you shooed him away by your hands, already done with his shenanigans.

"Don't drink too much because of me" he called after you as he walked backwards, that stupid smile not leaving his lips. Rolling your eyes you turned back to the bar, leaning on it with your elbows, a sigh leaving your lips.

How could he just kiss you like that? You thought he at least had some respect for you, bit it seemed like he didn't. He was James Barnes for god's sake. Of course he didn't. You didn't know what you were thinking. He wasn't different from any man. A part of you believed that he might have been but he just proved it that he wasn't. Your mother would loose her mind if she knew what her 'nice young man' did to you just now.

You shook your head to get the thoughts out of it and signaled for the bartender to give you another shot. You drowned that one too as someone sat down next to you. You were ready to tell him to fuck off, thinking it was James again, but as you turned your head it was a man your age. You lifted your eyebrows, not being in the mood to deal with another self-centered man.

"What is a pretty dame like you doing here alone?" he tried to flirt, but he already lost you at the word he called you.

"I'm not here alone. And it's none of your business" you showed him a mocking smile and stood up ready to leave, your night already ruined. A hand locking around your wrist made you stop.

"Come on. I just want to make you have a good time" he smirked, but it left his lips as soon as you ripped your arm out of his hold.

"I don't care about your good time" you rubbed your wrist, his grip leaving the skin red.

"Okay. I tried being nice, but you clearly don't care for it. Maybe you like men when they are being a little more forceful? You like 'em rough?" he pulled you to his body by your waist, your hands flying to his chest trying to push him away. Why is this happening to you now?

"Let go of me" you squirmed in his hold, disgusted by him. Unfortunately he was stronger than you and didn't loosen his arms around you no matter how hard you hit his chest.

"You like this don't ya?" his breath hit your cheek as you tried to get as far away as you could.

"No, I don't. Stop" you were getting desperate, looking around for anyone to help you. There were a lot of people around, but none of them seemed to care. Tears gathered in your eyes.

Suddenly the man was pulled backwards by his collar, a fist meeting his cheek a second later, making you gasp. He fell down on the ground, but your savior didn't let him get away that easily as he hit him a few more times. You quickly stepped closer and that's when you saw his face. It was James. Your shock quickly dissipated as he lifted his arm again to hit the other man. You hands grabbed his forearm and you tried to pull him away, making him look at you.

"Stop it, James. He is already on the ground" you pleaded. A relieved sigh left your lips as he stepped away, his arm going around your waist to lead you away from the crowd that formed around you.

"Are you okay?" he stopped you in front of the building, the cold night air picking at your skin.

"Yes, I'm fine." you rubbed your arms, stopping your movements as he grabbed your arm that had the red bruise on it.

"Did he do that to you?" he almost growled, head turning to look inside the place.

"Yes, but it's fine. It doesn't hurt that much" you put your hand on his arm, trying to calm him down. Why did he care anyway?

The door opened and Steve walked out, a worried look on his face. you immediately pulled your hand away from James, stepping back.

"I heard what happened. Are you okay?" his eyes traveled over your whole body, trying to see if you were hurt.

"I'm fine, Steve." you forced a smile in his direction. In truth you weren't completely fine, but the boys didn't need to know that.

"I'll walk her home" James spoke up from next to you, making you look at him in surprise.

"I'm perfectly capable of walking home myself, thank you" you replied to him.

"I know that, but both of us would be more relaxed if someone was with you. And Steve was talking to a pretty woman before I left" he sent a knowing smile to the man. You looked at him, only to see him looking down at his feet, a blush on his cheek confirming James' words.

"Steve! What are you doing out here then?" you almost shouted at him. "Go back inside right now. I'll be fine." you waved him off.

"I'll go check on you tomorrow, okay?" he was already inching backwards toward the door.

"Yes, okay, just go" you laughed, happy for him. He walked back inside, leaving the two of you alone. "So you don't have to walk me home, just stay outside for a little while so Steve doesn't get suspicious." you forced another smile on your face.

"I will not let you walk around alone this late at night." he grabbed your arm that wasn't bruised and started pulling you towards your home.

"I've done it multiple times before" you argued, but walked alongside with him, your heart beating rapidly in your chest.

For the duration of the walk neither of you spoke a word, but it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. The silence between you was nice, letting you look around as he still held your arm, neither of you wanting to let go. He made you feel safe as you walked along the dim streets, a small smile playing on your lips.

"Thanks for walking me home" you reached your house, stopping in front of the door as you turned to him.

"Isn't there something else you should thank me for too?" he smirked, stepping closer.

"Well I was about to say it, but now I'm not going to" you put your hands behind you, leaning on the door.

"It's not only with words that you can thank me" he leaned closer, his face a few inches from yours for the second time that night. There it is.

"You know, I was thinking that you are not so bad while we were walking home, but you just reminded me why I don't like you" you smiled at him.

"And why is that?" he tilted his head to the side.

"You just can't keep it in your pants." you shook your head.

"Actually I wanted to apologize about earlier." he got serious, stepping backwards to put some distance between you.

"Earlier?" you asked back, confused as to what he was referring to.

"The kiss" he mumbled, looking down, almost as if he was nervous. But James Barnes does not get nervous.

"Oh." it was all you could say, surprise taking over your brain.

"So I'm sorry" he kept looking down.

"Uhm... it's okay, I guess?" you didn't know what to say to that, thoughts running through your mind a thousand miles an hour.

"I'm just gonna go now." he pointed behind him awkwardly. As he turned away you couldn't help yourself and you called after him, the alcohol in your system giving you courage.

"You are really not that bad, James." he turned back, surprise written all over his face, but he quickly covered it up by a smirk.

"Is that a compliment I hear?" you rolled your eyes at him. There was the James you knew.

"And it might be the last if you keep this up" you let out a smile. "But seriously, we could be friends if you didn't do what you do." you shrugged nonchalantly.

"What am I doing?" he asked, confused.

"You know, every time I see you, you have a different girl on your arm" you couldn't look into his eyes, a little embarrassed.

"You avoid me because of that?" his eyes widened.

"Yes. What did you think the reason was?" you furrowed your eyebrows.

"I don't know. I just thought you do it because you don't like me, not because you are jealous" he let out a laugh.

"I am not jealous, James. Get that out of your head." you looked away as a blush crept up your cheeks.

"Oh god you are blushing" he continued to laugh, the redness of your cheek only deepening. "I can't believe you like me" he mused.

"Okay, that is enough out of you. I'm going inside" you turned and reached for the handle as he grabbed you to turn you back around, your back hitting the wood of the door, his left arm on the door next to your face, his right circled around your waist. You let out a gasp at how close his face was.

"You didn't deny it" he whispered, his warm breath hitting your lips. Your mouth opened, realizing your mistake.

"I-" you wanted to defend yourself, but nothing came to mind. His right hand touched your face, palm flat against your cheek. You couldn't help but lean into his touch, closing your eyes for a second. Your eyes snapped open when you realized what you were doing and pushed his hand away. "I'm not one of your dames, James" you looked into his eyes. You couldn't let him treat you like any other girl. You refused to be another one night stand for him. A stable relationship you could work with, but being someone he called when he was bored was not something you wanted or could handle.

"No, you are not." he agreed.

"Then don't treat me like them" you pushed yourself more into the door. You were afraid. Not of him, he would never hurt you. Not physically at least. But you were afraid of what would happen. Will he leave you saying that he won't give up that lifestyle for you? Or will he stay with you?

"Never" he shook his head.

"I don't want to be one of many" you continued, trying to get him to understand.

"You know why I was always with a different girl?" he pulled away slightly.

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to forget about you. I thought you didn't like me because you were always so distant. So I just wanted to find someone else, but none of them compared to you." he brushed his thumb along your lower lip. Your eyes met his as he lifted your head by your chin. "None of them were you" his nose bumped against yours. "I like you. I did from the first time we met" he finally confessed, your heart skipping a beat at his words.

"James" his name left your lips in a sigh. "Kiss me" he didn't need more as his lips latched onto yours, the butterflies in your stomach going crazy. His tongue swiped across your lip asking for entrance and as you opened your mouth, his body pushed you against the door, trapping you. It was a trap you never wanted to escape. His hands held your head, his thumbs stroking your cheeks as you arms were around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer. Your heart beat rapidly as his hands traveled down your body, stopping at your waist.

A few moments later he had to pull away as both of you needed air, but de didn't go far, only enough for you to catch your breath. His forehead leaning against yours, noses touching, the two of you giggled into each others mouths.

"Wow" he mumbled as he left short pecks on your lips, unable to keep himself away from you. It was your first real kiss and he was already addicted.

"Stop it" you giggled and let him press one long peck on you before pushing him away. "I don't want you to get bored of that" you teased.

"I could never" he pressed another kiss on your mouth, making you laugh.

"Okay, I understand" you could barely talk as he still had his mouth on yours. He pulled you closer and rested his head on your shoulder.

"You are amazing" he murmured into the fabric of your clothes.

"Flattery will get you nowhere, James" you were glad he couldn't see your face as it was coated in a red blush.

"I'm just saying the truth" he pressed his lips to your cheek.

"I probably should get inside, before we wake up my parents." you sucked in your lips try to hide your smile.

"Maybe" he agreed, but made no move to let you go.

"You have to let me go for that to happen" you pulled away as much as you could.

"Then you shouldn't go" he teased, still holding you.

"I'll see you tomorrow, or today I should say" you reassured him and he let go at that. You straightened your clothes as he watched you. Looking up at him the softness in his eyes almost made you say 'fuck it' and spend the rest of the night with him, but you held yourself back. He turned and walked down the stairs, but suddenly ran buck up to you to press one more long kiss on your soft lips. You couldn't help, but let a smile break out on your lips as he pulled away to look into your eyes once more.

He was already out on the street when you remembered something.

"Hey, pretty boy!" you called after him once more, making him turn around with a big smile on his face from the nickname. "Good night" you bit your lip, trying to hide your own smile, but failing miserably.

"Good night to you too, doll" he playfully bowed down a little, making you let out a laugh.

If someone saw you that night, under the moonlight, they would have seen two people completely in love with one another, laughing, being happy that they finally found their missing piece that was in front of them the whole time. Eyes shining like the stars above them as they watched each other, only the moon being witness of their intimate moment.

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[jakesimfromstatefarm]

not jealous | jake sim

summary: jake sim is not a jealous person. at least that's what he tells himself. so why does he find himself going through your phone when a certain "bluejay park" decides to text you?

pairing: jake sim x y/n [ft. mentions of jay park]

genre: angst, fluff 

warnings: angst, cursing (very minimal), one slightly suggestive sentence, jake being cute, some more angst lol, slightly cheesy bc jake’s just too cute ugh

wc: 3.8k

a/n: ok i loved writing this, which is why i went on to almost 4k words LOL oops. but anyways, i love jake a little too much and this type of scenario has been running around in my head for a while now so i decided to put it into words. also i may have created this blog just so i could post this somewhere LMAO anyways yeah this was my first fic so hope you guys enjoyyyy <3

Jake Sim is not a jealous person.

At least that's what he tells himself. To be fair, in his past relationships, he never showed any jealously. Then again, he doesn't know if he can call those relationships, "relationships". Does a fifth grade relationship with a girl who he was once dared to kiss during a game of Truth or Dare in the basement of a classmate's house during their 11th birthday party count? He doesn't remember being jealous when the same girl was later dared to kiss his classmate, Sunghoon. (Funny enough, that's how the two boys came to be best friends 'til this day, but that's a story for another time.) 

But really, Jake doesn't think jealously is one of his traits, even if he's now almost 20 years old without any experience with love other than his current relationship with you and that short-lived romance in the fifth grade. (What was her name again? Jake would have to ask Sunghoon later.)

So he doesn't know what clicked in that brain of his that lead him to this current situation he was in. He doesn't know why he felt a little spark of anger in him when your phone, which you left right next to him on the couch while you went to take a shower, kept buzzing with texts from "bluejay park". He doesn't know why he couldn't kept his eyes distracted from the messages, although your phone was constantly lighting up because whatever it was Jay had to say to you, he would not shut up about it. He doesn't know why he questioned what your relationship with Jay was for a split second.

In fact, you're close with all of Jake's friends. That's one of his favorite things about you, you get along so well with all his friends you might as well replace Jake himself in the friend group. So he doesn't know what tells him to take a little glance at your phone—at the messages.

But he finds himself doing it anyways.

Hearing that the water in the shower was still running (you were always the type to take long showers), he quickly grabs your phone and scrolls through the lock screen just to find that he couldn't even read the messages since you had your notifications set so no one could read them unless the phone was unlocked (darn you and your settings!) Thankfully, Jake knew your passcode––and you knew his too––or he thought he did. Until the iPhone vibrated, telling him the passcode was wrong.

He must've entered it too fast or something. So he tries again.

And again.

And again.

Until the iPhone switches its screen to say: "iPhone is disabled. Try again in 5 minutes."

There's no way. You never change your password. And even if you did, you would tell him—you two even had each other's fingerprints saved into each other's phones in the past (you know, before the world decided that Apple's home button was too lame and decided to just completely get rid of it). If there was an option to save multiple faces for Face ID, you two would be that couple that saved each others faces in your own phones.

That being said, Jake sat there, your phone in hand, frozen. Why was your phone locked? Why was Jay texting you 10 texts per second? Why did he feel guilty about this entire situation?

He hears the shower switch off and in that moment, he swears he feels his heart beat just a little faster. He tells himself there's no way you'll be out before the 5 minutes are up. You followed a really meticulous skincare routine (one that Jake memorized by now) that took an extra 15 minutes of your time after each shower.

"Hey Jake?" Your voice calls out from the tiny bathroom door crack that you left open before you hopped in the shower, "Is my phone out there? Do you mind bringing it to me?"

Fuck.

Jake shifts on the couch. Taps his foot on the ground. Returns your phone to its original spot. Clears his throat.

"Don't you want to get dressed first?" he calls back, quite timidly.

He can hear you stop moving around in the bathroom. Probably telling yourself what an odd response that was. To be fair, it was an odd question, considering the fact that you two have been together for so long, it’s not like he hasn’t seen you undressed before...intentionally or not. 

Next thing he knows, the steam is rolling out of the bathroom door and you're stepping out in your towel, eyebrows raised.

"If you didn't want to get up from the couch, you could've just said so, you lazy butt," you smirk at him as you walk towards him and the couch, leaving a faint trail of water drops behind you. Jake's eyes follow your figure as you go to grab your phone and lift the screen towards yourself.

That's when he freezes. You do too.

You cock your head, as if asking yourself why it was disabled. He can hear the gears in your head turning.

"Jake, did you try to unlock my phone?"

He runs through all the possible excuses he could blurt out. Come on Jake, think of something! But he knows he can't lie to you.

Too many beats of silence pass by.

"Maybe," he finally says—or more like murmurs. He looks up to you like a child looking up at their mom, who just them caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. To his surprise, you don't show any hint of anger. A flash of confusion—and is that worry he sees?—crosses your face for a split second before you shrug and turn towards your room to change, dropping the subject. It was natural for you two to use each other's phones anyways. So then why did you have that look of worry?

Jake knows you well, a little too well. But that's what you love about him. He can easily read all your emotions. One of the many things he picked up from dating you for almost two years now. But why would you care if he tried to get into your phone? Why would that worry you? All the possibilities run through head and his own worry begins to increase. He trusts you. He does.

So then why does the thought bother him throughout the entire day? Why does he bring it up during dinner later that night, when you're both cuddled on your sofa, slurping take-out ramen while rewatching your favorite k-drama under the thick blanket that you always keep in your living room for nights like these?

"Huh? Of course I've heard from Jay today, we had that conversation about that stupid meme you boys kept laughing about in the groupchat we're all in, didn't we?" You answer him when he asks if you've heard from Jay lately. You sit up from your warm spot under Jake's arm to put your empty bowl on the coffee table in front of you. When you lean back, you look up at him,

"Why do you ask?"

"Oh, it's nothing, just wondering," he says, avoiding your eyes by keeping his own trained on the series currently playing on your TV. This would be your third time rewatching this series together. He would never complain to you though, he knows how much you love it and if he were being honest, he was secretly attached to the characters—not that he would ever tell you, he would never hear the end of it from you and the boys.

"You're being weird. Just tell me, or did you forget that I can practically read your mind," you say with a giggle and shove to his side, the one you were currently warmly cuddled into. Jake wasn't the only one who learned how to read emotions; you could read him just as well as he could read you. And like you, that's one of the many things he loved about you. But maybe not in this case.

He toyed around with the contents inside his ramen bowl with his chopsticks.

"I just..." God, how does he word this? Why was he having trouble explaining it? You were the easiest person to talk to. To him, you were the only person he could tell everything to.

"Jaywastextingyouabunchearlier," he blurts out quickly, but not quickly enough for you to miss it.

He feels you shift under his arm. He feels the air in the room shift. Tension.

"What?" Now you're sitting upright, legs criss-crossed in front of you on the couch but turned, so your body is completely facing him. He mirrors you, sitting up to put his ramen bowl next to yours on the surface, but he stays facing the TV.

"Your phone kept going off because of him when you were showering," he says with a little more confidence. But inside, he was nervous as hell, the same nervous as when he asked you out for the first time many moons ago. But it's too late to back out now, he brought it up first, anyways. Guess we're having this conversation now, good going Jake!

"Is that why you tried unlocking my phone earlier? I mean I thought you were just trying to leave selfies on my phone like you always do but you were trying to read my texts?" You question, slightly raising your soft voice. He doesn't know how to react, he hates confrontation.

"It wasn't like that, Jay just kept spamming you and like I—why was he even texting you in the first place? Then your phone got disabled because you changed your password, which you never do by the way, so I–"

"I changed it because my little sister kept getting into my phone when I went to visit my family yesterday! Did you really think I was hiding something from you? You know I can text whoever I want, right? You don't own me."

Okay so now he's managed to make you angry. Good going Jake, part 2!

"Okay but what does Jay need from you so bad that he has to send you like 50 messages at once?" He's standing now. So are you, eyebrows furrowed together as you collect your bowls from the table.

Standing there, bowls in hand, you say, "Jake, that's none of your business! It wasn't even that big of a deal, I don't know why you felt the need to nosy around."

"Well, if he's texting you non-stop, then obviously it's a big deal! We wouldn't even be having this conversation if you would just tell me what you guys were talking about," he murmurs back, eyes narrowing. You scoff as you trail into your kitchen. He follows behind and stops at the other side at your kitchen island as you place the dirty dishes into the sink.

"No, we're having this conversation because you obviously don't trust me! It doesn't matter what we were talking about, it doesn't matter who I was texting! I could be texting your mother and I shouldn't have to tell you what we were talking about! That's why we're having this conversation," you say as you turn back to face him from the other end.

He hates this. He hates fighting with you (which is a very, very rare occasion). He hates that you think he doesn't trust you. He hates his insecurity eating at him, telling him to keep questioning you on why you and Jay were talking in the first place. He was aware that you were close with his friends, but it wasn't until the texts he realized just how close you are with them. It's not that he didn't trust you, he just didn't know how to act when it came to you and other guys. God knows how he got lucky enough to meet you, let alone date you, so the thought of him losing you to someone else actually terrified him. Not only were you his first real relationship, but he wanted you to be his first and only one in life. You were it for him.

"Why did he text you." He deadpans from his side of the kitchen.

You scoff with a hint of exasperation. "You're kidding me."

You stare at him. He stares back, quirking an eyebrow, as if restating the same question back, as if testing you.

You're fuming now. Why was he making it so hard? Why was he doubting you? Out of frustration, you start laughing, which scares him. That can't be good.

"Fine. You wanna know so bad? Take a look,"  you're one tone level away from screaming as you take your phone out of your pocket, unlock it, and open up your conversation with "bluejay park", sliding the phone across the island to reach him.

Jake stares at the phone which now lies there, unlocked, facing him. Isn't this what he wanted? It is, right? That's why he started this dreaded argument with you in the first place.

Then why does he feel so fucking awful?

He looks back up at you, to see you sighing and looking up at the ceiling, as if trying to force your forming tears back into your eyes.

Yup, he feels horrible.

"Happy? Happy to know we were just trying to plan a surprise birthday party for you but you and your jealously just had to know huh, Jake?" You quickly state, voice cracking, as you tried not to choke up. You weren't sad that he found out about the surprise. You were sad that it felt like he didn't trust you. That he thought you were the type of person to do god knows what behind his back. You hated the feeling of not being trusted. Especially by Jake, of all people.

"Fuck."

Jake's face (and heart) falls with the most broken expression you've ever seen. But you're too sad, angry, tired (a mix of all?) to care. Your only goal right now is to not let him see you cry.

You hurry past him, across your apartment, and into your bedroom, slamming the door behind you, leaving behind a shocked, and regretful, Jake.

His heart shrinks when he hears the door slam shut and a little more when he looks down at the still unlocked phone in front of him. He didn't have the heart in him to look at it anymore. Of course he trusted you, he knew what you said was the truth.

He mentally screams at himself for assuming the worst––for thinking that you, a literal angel, would betray him.  First, he thought he was losing you to someone else. Now, he was afraid he just lost you through his own actions. 

He hesitantly sulks over to your door, softly knocking when he reaches it.

"Y/N?"

No response.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I let my—”

"Jake just please leave me alone for now," he hears you painfully say from a distance, meaning you're on your bed. He knows the door's unlocked—the lock on your door hasn't been working for a long time now, despite the many times he tells you to talk to your landlord about it. But he doesn't find it in him to open it. He knows he messed up. If he saw you in there right now, crying, he wouldn't know what to do. He wouldn't know what he would to do himself, knowing he was the reason behind your tears.

He nods in silence, knowing you can't see him, but does so anyways and returns to his spot on the couch. He could leave right now, go back to the dorm with the rest of the guys, let you have your space like you wanted. But his heart hurts at the idea of leaving you sad, angry, or a combination of both. He can't leave this unresolved. He fucked up, he has to fix it.

And so he sits on your couch for another hour. The clock on the wall behind him continues to tick as the silent tension in your apartment continues to grow. When it hits 11pm and he's sure you've slumbered off into sleep, he quietly enters your room.

He can see your figure in the dark, your back facing the door as you're curled up into yourself under the comforter. He feels his heart drop a little more when he imagines you crying in that position from earlier. He slowly peels the comforter open and gets into his side of the bed, careful not to bother your sleeping figure.

Laying there, staring up at the ceiling, he's never felt more like a stranger in your bed. It's not that he hasn't slept over before, god knows he's probably slept over at your place more than he has in his own bed. But right now, in this moment, he just felt awful. Like he didn't deserve to be in such close proximity to you. How could he be deserving? He violated your privacy, made you feel like you weren't trusted, doubted your relationship.

These thoughts run through Jake's head as he stares up at your ceiling fan, wishing he could turn back time to a few hours ago, before he checked your phone, before he let his insecurities get to the best of him.

You can feel the dip he makes in the bed behind you when he gets in. Of course you're not asleep. There's no way sleep could reach you when you had the recent events constantly replaying in your head like a broken record.

You knew Jake with all your heart. You didn't have to look at him to know he was probably laying there, hurt, staring up at the ceiling, drafting what to say once you wake up—or once he knows you're actually still awake.

You decide to break the tension by turning to lay on your other side, facing him.

You were wrong. Thanks to the little sliver of moonlight shining through your sheer curtains, you can see him, now laying on his side, already looking at you with so much regret in his eyes. You can almost hear the cracks in your heart physically forming.

His eyes widen when he realizes you're still awake. He opens his mouth to say something, but not before you quickly shift over to his side of the bed and embrace him in a tight hold, burying your face into his chest. Without any hesitation, he returns the gesture, arms holding your body as close to him as possible. As if once he let go, he'd lose you forever.

He lets out a sigh of relief as he breathes you in. He didn't even know he was holding his breath all this time.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry Y/N," he mutters into your hair. He feels his hoodie getting wet from where you buried your face. He pulls you closer, if that's even possible, feeling his own eyes heating up with sadness. He would never forgive himself for making you feel this way.

"You know I trust you right? Please know that. I shouldn't have assumed the worst when I saw your phone. I...I let my insecurities get to the best of me."

You move your head from its home on his chest to look up at him, as if asking him to elaborate. This was new to you, you didn't know he held insecurities in your relationship. But it wasn't because of you, no, you were his entire world. Losing you meant losing everything.

Jake's never been the best at saying his feelings. That's why it took him so long (with the help of his six best friends) to finally confess how he felt about you. He was afraid of letting people in if they could easily walk out. Maybe that's why he never let anyone into his life before you. But oh, were you an exception. The second he met you, he knew he was fucked. But thank god he did, because thanks to you, he's been able to be more open, more vulnerable. He's able to talk to you about anything and everything. He doesn't have that same fear of losing people anymore, not when he has you in his life to reassure him every step of the way. But right now, in this moment, he doesn't know how to tell you that his new fear was, in fact, just losing you.

The sheer idea of you not being a part of his life anymore terrified him. 

"I hope you know you're never going to lose me Jake, if that's what you're insecure about," you softly mutter as you wrap your free arm that's not stuck in between both your bodies around him to gently play with the ends of his hair. It's as if you could read his mind, he loves that you know him so well.

"It just sucks that you could even think I would ever do something as awful as what you were assuming...with one of your closest friends nonetheless," you continue.

"I know. I know, and I feel terrible. I'm so sorry. I know you would never do anything remotely close to that, and I know you would never intentionally try to keep anything from me," he sighs. He shifts so he can lie down on his back, bringing you with him to lie on his chest, never letting you go once. "It's just...I just don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you Y/N. Everyday, I ask myself what heroic thing I must've done in my past life to deserve this life with you and I can't help but think you could just as easily be stripped away from me."

As much as your heart breaks listening to him rant, you feel your love for him grow even more. You knew how hard it was for him to put his true emotions into words, and him telling you this reminded you how much trust he had in you.

After some moments of silence, moments of him drawing random shapes onto your back, moments of you two just holding each other like it was the end of the world, you speak up.

"I love you. I'm sorry for making you doubt yourself—"

"No, it's not your fault, I can't help but think things like that. I just don't know what I did to deserve you, and I know that I need to be mo–"

"Babe let me finish," you say with a little giggle in your tone. He immediately stops and mutters a little "sorry". How cute, you tell yourself.

"I was gonna say," you look back up at him so you're making direct eye contact now. "You're the only one that's ever on my mind, Jake. I can't help the way you think, but I can assure you that there is no one else I would rather be with. And I mean that for the rest of life."

You snuggle back into the comfortable hoodie he's currently wearing (you make a mental note to yourself to steal it from him later) and decide to ease the tension,

"So you're stuck with me for life, sorry to inform you Mr. Sim."

Jake lets out a laugh, looking down at you to see you returning his smile with a cheeky one.

"I love you. So much," he says so sincerely, so genuinely, that you almost tear up again from how content you were. Now you were asking yourself, what did you do to deserve him?

Jake Sim is not a jealous person.

No, he just loves you.

A lot.

[atlabeth]

everything happens for a reason part one - zuko x fem!reader

I am not your concern 

masterlist | part 2 

summary: as a servant in the fire nation, you’ve learned that life is often unfair. but as you venture through a tumultuous relationship with a certain prince, you come to learn a very tricky lesson: everything happens for a reason.

a/n: im so excited about this guys you dont even know. i have so much planned and i hope you all love it as much as i do - just for reference, in this first chapter y/n is 9 and zuko is 10

wc: 2.3k

warning(s): mentions of a raid, reader and zuko both being little shits lmao

chapter title comes from not your concern by the hush sound! 

Y/N sprawled out on the grass and sighed contentedly as the sun shined down on her and her mother. Today was easier than most as they had been given the day off, an occasion that was rare in the royal palace. She closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh scent aerating their surroundings. Her senses were blessed with a mix of sea salt and fire lilies, an ever present reminder of the two worlds she walked in.

“Y/N,” her mother chided as she glanced down at her daughter from her sewing. “You shouldn’t lay in the grass like that. You know how hard those stains are to get out; I don’t need even more work on my plate.”

“Yes, mother,” she sighed as she sat up with mock exasperation. “I just feel like I should take advantage of this! We spend all day inside, and now that we’re out here you’re worried about things like stained clothes.” Y/N pushed herself to her feet and spread her arms out as she spun in a small circle. “Life is short, and I already spend all of it sewing and healing. Don’t you think I deserve some grass stains?”

“Did you find your way into the poetry books again?” she joked. “Of course I think you should have fun, but you know how things are here. I’m just trying to keep you safe.”

She continued to twirl, the soft breeze a welcome sensation on her skin. “I know, I know, but you don’t need to worry! I can—”

“Dear, watch where you’re going!”

Her mother’s warning didn’t reach her in time, a fact that became known to Y/N as she collided into the boy in front of her. A small gasp escaped her as recognition filled her now wide eyes.

“Prince Zuko!” she exclaimed, nervous hands finding their positions as she bowed. “Please forgive me for the accident, I didn’t realize you were there.”

Y/N had never spoken to the young prince directly — she mainly shadowed her mother while she did her work around the palace or honed her healing abilities under the watchful eye of Rika, their most skilled healer — but she knew enough to understand that she was to never disrespect the royal family in any way.

“Don’t worry,” he said with a small smile, alleviating the tension that had built up in her shoulders. “I’m sorry too, I wasn’t paying attention either. I actually came here for some help.” As she straightened her back, she noticed the bundle of fabric he was holding. “Are you Kura?”

“Oh, no. That’s my mother.” She pointed behind her where her mother greeted the prince with a respectful nod and smile of her own. “Did you come to get something fixed? She’s the best seamstress in all of the Four Nations.”

“My daughter flatters me,” Kura chucked. “What is it that you require, Prince Zuko?”

“She’s right, actually.” He held up the bundle of cloth which Y/N now recognized as one of the many outfits he owned. She didn’t consider herself a jealous person, but the prince’s extensive wardrobe was an exception to that rule. She had one set uniform for her work supplied by the Fire Nation, and a threadbare set for everything else that her mother had bought for her after saving up what little copper they had to spare. Y/N didn’t mind it too much as she was able to practice her sewing whenever the seams broke, but she was sure that her handiwork made up more of the outfit than the original by now.

“I tore one of the sleeves while I was training with Azula,” Zuko expressed with a frown. “I showed it to my mother, and she said that Kura would be able to fix it. I had to go through every single servant to find you, so I really hope you can. ”

Kura set her current project down and took the cloth from the prince, examining it with the skillful eye of a seamstress before meeting his eyes with another smile. “Of course, dear. I should have it ready for you by tomorrow; my daughter will deliver it to your quarters around midday.”

“Do it well,” he demanded. “I can’t focus on my training if my clothes are falling apart.”

“Hey!” she spoke up, scowling as she crossed her arms. It was like every shred of sense Y/N had disappeared the moment he talked down to her mother. “This is our day off, so you should be thankful that my mother is taking time out of her day to do this for you. Be nicer to her.”

“Y/N!” her mother scolded, her tone frantically apologetic as she turned back to the prince. “Please, forgive my daughter. She speaks her mind far too often, she doesn’t mean any disrespect.”

“No, you’re right.” A thoughtful expression found its way onto the young boy’s features, his eyes trained on her own displeasure. “My father always talks that way to the servants and I guess it came off on me. I’m sorry. It’s not nice.”

“Apology accepted,” Y/N said reluctantly.

“Thank you for your help. I’ll make sure to tell all my friends about your work.” The young prince smiled and walked off, though not without a curious second glance at the girl who righted his wrong.

As soon as the prince was out of range, Kura began to berate her daughter. “Y/N, by now you have to understand that under no circumstances may you ever speak to a member of the royal family like that! Do you know what kind of punishment you could’ve gotten if anyone else was around to hear that?”

She sighed and settled back on the ground, plucking a blade of grass from the ground. “I know, mother, but he needs to learn manners, prince or not!”

“That’s not how it works here. Our job is to serve the royal family without question. Sometimes they say mean things, but we can’t do anything about it. Apologies are not yours to demand or accept.”

“That’s not fair,” she mumbled as she wrapped the strand of grass around her finger. “Back home I could say whatever I wanted.”

“I know, honey, I know. But we’re not at home anymore, so the rules there don’t apply. We have to follow the rules that are put in place here. Can you promise that you’ll do that for me?”

“Yes, mother.” It was a phrase that seemed to always be at the tip of her tongue now that constant apologies were littered throughout her days, usually accompanied by a sigh.

“I miss home,” The murmured sentiment was almost too soft for Kura to hear and her heart sank. Her daughter’s gaze was trained on the ground, idle fingers tapping against her legs, and she put a momentary pause to her sewing with a sigh.

“Dear, don’t you have a healing session today with Rika?”

“You know I don’t,” she grumbled. “It’s my day off, which no one seems to remember.”

“Y/N.” Kura’s voice was more firm and she now understood that it wasn’t so much a suggestion as a demand. “I think you should pay Rika a visit.”

She heaved an exasperated sigh and stood up in a far more exaggerated gesture than necessary. “Alright. I’ll see you later tonight, mother.” And as Y/N began her walk back to the palace, a sour feeling brewed in her chest.

Kura watched on, unable to prevent the fear that permeated her thoughts. They were fortunate that the young prince was generous, but along with his mother they might’ve been the only two who shared those views in the royal family. She hated having to constantly admonish her daughter — the girl was too young to constantly live in fear, especially having already been through so much — but in the Fire Nation they couldn’t afford to do anything less. A spitfire girl like her daughter was constantly treading on thin ice, and it was all she could do to keep her safe.

Kura feared the day when she wasn’t there to protect her.

-

After a short walk that consisted of muttering things to herself and taking her anger out on the pebbles unfortunate enough to be in her path, Y/N found herself back at the palace. She let herself into a side entrance meant only for servants and set on her way to the infirmary when she collided with someone else — an apology was already on the tip of her tongue when she recognized it was Prince Zuko once more. She truly had rotten luck.

Y/N shot quick glances around to ensure that they were alone, then lowered her voice just for extra security. “My mom says I’m not supposed to talk to you like this, but I don’t care. Just because you’re the prince doesn’t mean you can just go around bumping into people!” she whispered angrily.

“But— you were the one who bumped into me the first time!”

She could feel her face heat up from embarrassment and she crossed her arms. “Just— whatever! Do you want something or do you just like popping up in places you're not supposed to be?”

“I guess I just wanted to talk to you,” Zuko shrugged. “I’ve never really seen you around before, and you’re interesting.”

Y/N scrutinized him trying to find out if he was tricking her somehow, but after staring at him for a solid ten seconds she finally caved. “Fine,” she said, already beginning to walk. “But you’d better make it fast. I have to get to a healing session.”

He took a few quick steps to catch up to her and frowned. “I’m the prince. Technically I could order you to stop and you would have to listen.”

“Yeah, well when it’s just the two of us, you’re just another boy. I don’t have time to talk to boys for hours.”

His brows creased for a moment as he thought about it, then ultimately shrugged once more. “Okay. You said you were going to a healing session- does that mean you’re a waterbender?”

She nodded, and Zuko waited for her to explain further. He heaved a sigh, realizing that he was going to have to carry this conversation. “Well.. what’s a waterbender doing in the Fire Nation?”

She fixed him with a puzzled look. “I’m a servant. That’s why I’m here.”

“I know that,” he frowned. “But most of the servants here are from the Fire Nation, and there are hardly any around your age. I’m just trying to get to know you better.”

Y/N sighed heavily — she now knew that the child prince of the Fire Nation had zero sense of boundaries, and if she wanted to get him off her back she had to answer to his satisfaction. “My mother is a waterbender from the Northern Tribe. She left home when she was young to travel the world and help who she could with her healing, and eventually she fell in love with an earthbender. That was my father — they ended up marrying and settling down in his village where they had me a few years later. Last month, my village was raided by the Fire Nation, and my mother and I were captured after they discovered we were waterbenders. And now I’m here, being annoyed by a prince.”

Zuko frowned once more — it seemed if he continued hanging out with this girl the expression would be stuck permanently on his face — and he suddenly felt ashamed for pushing. “I’m really sorry,” he muttered. “I had no idea.”

She heaved another sigh and shook her head. “Yeah, well they probably keep a lot of the bad things they do from you. It’s easier to send raids to destroy families when your children don’t know.”

“What happened to your father?” he questioned.

Y/N’s body stiffened, and she had never been more thankful to see the infirmary door. “Save your questions for next time,” she grumbled.

Zuko’s eyes lit up, her earlier stumble going unnoticed, and a small smile found its way across his lips. “There’s gonna be a next time?”

She managed to cover up her own growing smile with an ambivalent shrug. “As long as you don’t bump into me again.” Y/N opened the door and gave him a polite parting nod before disappearing inside.

“Good afternoon, Master Rika,” she said with a small bow. “I know this is unexpected, but my mother insisted that I come here to—”

“Let me guess,” the older woman interrupted with a raised brow. “Kura got tired of you and sent you here to annoy me instead?”

Y/N chuckled and rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she pushed the sleeves of her tunic up to her elbows. “When have I ever annoyed you?”

“That’s a question you don’t want me to answer,” she joked as she rummaged through the closet to get supplies. “Besides, what was that smile for? Meet a boy on your day off? A girl?”

Her eyes widened momentarily and she felt the heat rush to her cheeks intensely. “I don’t ask you about your life while we heal, you shouldn’t ask about mine!”

Zuko, who had been eavesdropping by the door in an extremely un-covert fashion, felt an even bigger smile. The girl was prickly as a cactus, but he found himself strangely drawn to her — not in spite of it, but because of it. He was so used to anyone he talked to outside of his immediate family and friends bending at the knee to fulfill his every will, and it was exhausting at times. But this girl — Y/N, as he had learned — was the complete opposite.

He started to walk away, sure that he was late for some kind of session of his own. Zuko found himself thinking of the glimpse of a smile he got, already finding himself scheming up ways to make it return.

And despite her request, he was almost certain he would try to bump into her again.

[forcebook]

Triage notes for eps 6-7:

THEY’RE KILLING MAI’S MOM I HATE YOU EVIL PROFESSOR AND GOPHER

The way everyone’s heads snapped to Sing after he asked Gap to dinner, like they all can’t believe he got himself together enough to ask. And then Gap’s disappointment when Sing invites them too! He was fixing his hair and everything!

Tin pulling Tol’s blanket up while he’s comatose :’(

Surprise forgotten childhood friends!

I really don’t blame Mai at all. It’s not right for her to use Tol for his money, but really this poor fucking girl. And in previous loops this would mean that her mom and Tol both die on the same night. This is way too much for one person to handle normally.

Tin is wrecked by Tol dying this time, it was so painful and way more drawn out than before. And now Mai has 2 funerals to plan because her mom was HARVESTED, and Fang got MURDERED for finding out about it, and Varit was already in a bad mental space and now he has to deal with the knowledge that one of his kidneys was stolen, and it’s all falling apart.

“Everything went all wrong” YOU’RE TELLING ME, TIN

Thank god Jinta’s here we need you now more than ever angel man.

Tin: So all I have to do now is break up Tol and Mai, save Varit, save Mai’s mom, and uncover the organ stealing conspiracy in this hospital all in the space of a week, and then Tol will be saved!

Me: Bro WHAT

But I also love that he technically doesn’t have to keep saving Varit, but he still keeps it as a top priority in all the loops. I would at least be tempted to have one less thing to worry about in this situation.

-

Oh I’m sorry, he needs to break up Tol and Mai, save Varit, save Mai’s mom, uncover the organ stealing conspiracy in this hospital AND get Tol to fall in love with him all in the space of a week. My mistake.

“Who would want me?” Said the incredibly pretty and compassionate doctor.

I love how he delegates the hospital conspiracy to Sing while getting his other friends to help him with dating. “Yeah I think our professor is secretly stealing and selling patients’ organs. Anyway I gotta go Toi and Pin are gonna help me with my 90s romcom makeover.”

I get warning her away to protect her after what happened last time, but cmon Fang’s totally gonna get involved, that’s not even a question.

“and then you drowned” huh

Of course! Cats are always the answer!

Sing is approaching Lady Sam levels of poor handling of emotions and communication. You can just thank Gap for the drink my dude!

Tin’s really having to put his “I can fix him” theory to work this loop, isn’t he?

Tol: This guy is so annoying, why can’t he just leave me alone already?

Random old friend of Tin’s: hey

Jealousy Activated!Tol: And whomst the fuck is this

welcome back!!! 🥳🥳🥳

yeah, they’re the fucking worst 😭😭😭

akjskaksksks YEAH. top 10 anime betrayals when sing invites everyone else. poor gap

soft tintol moments my beloveds 🥺🥺🥺

forgotten childhood friends? in MY bl? extremely likely, if not required.

on this blog we support mai’s rights and wrongs!! she’s been through a lot as well, in every fucking loop!

god the way tin breaks down over tol 😭😭😭 my fucking HEART. this loop was an entire shitshow 😭😭 just remembering hurts me!!

ALKDAKKDKSKDKS tin has like 345 impossible shit to pull during the smallest time frame all the while studying medicine and yet i deeply admire his confidence. i would’ve died on the spot

lmaooo varit is our beloved. gotta save him nonetheless

GOTTA MAKE THAT BOY FALL FOR HIM AS A TREAT!!!! if nothing else, he’s gonna get a boyfriend out of this fucking mess!!!

no but real, he thinks so lowly of himself while literally being the best character in the show and pretty AF. like come on tin, if you can save everyone and end the organ traffic, you can get one person to like you aldkkskdk

IT’S TIME FOR SOME ROMANCE. THE FUCKING PLOT CAN WAIT ALKDAKDKSKKDK

fang cares so much. she’s such a queen 😭😭😭

and then you drowned 🥰🥰🥰

SAM AND SING ARE LOST SIBLINGS ISTG

lmaooooo he is 🤣🤣🤣🤣

JEALOUS TOL IS MY FAVORITE AKDJSKKDSK HE’S SO PETTY AND FOR WHAT MY GUY, YOU WERE LITERALLY JUST COMPLAINING ABOUT TIN 🤣🤣🤣

too funny pls

have funnnn 🥰🥰🥰