#I recorded literally like a 15 minute story on my Snapchat but it’s only because we talked for like 15 minutes straight

[darthbenn]

sometimes you meet your favorite actor in the grocery store parking lot after working outdoors in Vegas summer for 12 hours

The rumors are TRUE: MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER IS THE NICEST HUMAN BEING ON THE PLANET!

[shoyodon]

Reclined Seat Prank HCs

𝙐𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙟𝙞𝙢𝙖, 𝙊𝙞𝙠𝙖𝙬𝙖, 𝙆𝙖𝙜𝙚𝙮𝙖𝙢𝙖, 𝙆𝙪𝙧𝙤𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙚𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙏𝙞𝙠𝙏𝙤𝙠 𝙥𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙠 𝙃𝘾𝙨

Warnings: Suggestive b/c Kuroo - what’d you expect, language

A/N: it’s 1AM heres a shitpost 

Ｕｓｈｉｊｉｍａ

You had seen this prank on Tiktok a couple of times, a girl picks up her boyfriend but the passenger seat is reclined all the way back and gets their reactions

Ushi does NOT know who Tiktok is or why his girlfriend finds him funny and he does not care

Honestly, you had no clue how he’d react, he didn’t ever respond to the majority of your cheesy pranks but maybe this would be the one

You had messaged him telling him after practice today you'd pick him up and the both of you could grab something to eat together to which he responded an “Okay 🙂”

Tendou is still teaching him how to use emojis leave him alone

You pull up, placing your phone down so that it records the passenger seat and you recline the seat. 

You pull out a tube of lipgloss and begin applying it in the camera as if you were using it as a mirror and Ushi comes up to the side of the door, knocking twice on it before he opened it.

He does that so you know its him and dont get startled 🥺

He gives you a short greeting, a ghost of a smile on his lips, climbing in

Bro literally just adjusts the seat correctly and puts his bag in the backseat

What

“Ushi..” “Yes, my love?”

Sigh

You cant even be mad, the dude trusts you blindly, the thought of you cheating on him doesn’t even cross his mind

With a shrug you lock your phone, sparking normal conversation before pulling out to go get him a well deserved after practice dinner

Ｏｉｋａｗａ

Okay THIS motherfucker. 

I feel like Oinks definitely has Tiktok, unlike Ushi, and he is the definition of straight Tiktok

HOWEVER I don't think he has a lot of couple Tiktoks on his FYP and if he does they're like the sitting in your partner's lap pranks, not something like this

Hes also like...7 years old so he probably does his own petty pranks but theyre ones he comes up with himself that he thinks are fucking hilarious like taking a million selfies, posting them on your instagram/snapchat stories until theyre like 10-15 minutes long and filling your storage with them

So THIS

Oh this is well deserved

You set up your phone in a place that he wouldn't notice, and started recording

He runs to the car, opening the door quickly and tosses his bag in, getting in the car and literally fucking falls flat on his back

Confused™️

“Hey babe” 

“Yes tooru?”

“Who was in my seat?”

“Your seat?”

“MY seat who was in MY seat??”

No longer confused, just panicked

He sat up, leaning over the console looking you in the eyes, you can't tell if he's going to start crying or throw up

Not your intention to make him cry

Carefully explaining that it was a joke while he let out a loud, dramatic huff, placing his forehead on your shoulder

“I’m having heart palpitations”

“I'll pick up milk bread on the way home if you stop the dramatics…?”

“Deal.”

Ｋａｇｅｙａｍａ

Bro he has 3 brain cells, one for you, volleyball, and milk

Why would you do this

He doesn’t know what the fuck a Tiktok is despite you repeatedly showing him videos or telling him to make an account

He is far too busy watching 10 hr long volleyball compilations

I also HC him as having boomer humor so even if you showed him a fucking FUNNY video, he’d be brain dead, absolutely. He doesn't get the appeal

 He laughs at the minion memes this is fact

BUT ANYWAYS

You saw this and for whatever god forsaken reason wanted to do it on Kags, the most oblivious person on planet earth

It was like 3 AM and you told him you were coming to pick him up to go on a drive, which was normal for the two of you, it's one of the more peaceful moments in your chaotic lives 

He agreed, ofc, because babie is a huge softie for you. 

You pull up in your jammies, seat reclined and start recording

Kags comes out in sweats and a hoodie you gave him for your anniversary and opens the door, he notices the seat and gets in carefully

“Hey Y/n? Did you sleep in your car?” he asks quietly, turning to look at you, almost concerned.

“Did your parents kick you out or something? You know you can always stay with me..” baby starts rambling because he fr thinks you're living in your car for some reason

The whole concept of cheating doesn't exist to him, you are the one and only person in the world he has complete trust in, so naturally the only conclusion he could come up with was you being homeless

“No..Kags...I’m not sleeping in my car...it was a prank”

Cue explaining to him what the prank was

He doesn’t get it, why would pretending to cheat on your partner be funny

sigh

Ｋｕｒｏｏ

You know exactly what I’m about to write

This motherfucker

Kuroo for sure has TikTok BUT WAIT

Its canon that Kuroo is just a cocky dork that knows how to shit talk

He would never be on straight or couple tiktok, he's on science/nerd Tiktok and deep Tiktok for sure, he sends the craziest shit to you.

So there is NO way he would know about this prank unless someone explicitly explained it to him

Perfect

You told him you were going to pick him up for a lunch date since it was saturday and the two of you hadn't seen each other for a couple days

He agreed? Obv he is in ✨🌸love🌸✨with you 

You pull up, seat reclined, and set up your phone after shooting him an “i'm here” text

He runs out, pops the door open and looks in

Does NOT get in, instead, this cocky SOB leans down so you can see his face fully, hands resting on the roof of the car, shit eating grin on his face. “Is this you telling me you wanted a little something before we got lunch…? that'll ruin your appetite y'know..” 

Spit on him

Why didn't you see this coming

It did ruin your appetite

[prorevenge]

Friend tries to get me fired, but I turn the tables...

Hey everyone, this is my first post so take it easy on me please! I've tried to keep the story concise, but it's not a strong point of mine so, this is a very long post... Sorry!

TL;DR is at the bottom :)

Context:

I'm a Year 9 student (British schooling system) and go to a very good school. This is a massive privilege to have, and I'm massively thankful for it. Our school has a magazine which we print and distribute to teachers, students and parents, and it is very popular! I am fortunate enough to be the Assistant Editor of the magazine (I basically format and check the magazine, while making sure everyone in the committee is doing well) and it's hard work. As part of this role, I have to teach and mentor the new students and get them used to the new system.

Being in the committee is like having a job, so balancing it with school is tough, and lots of newbies drop out very quick when they begin to realise that they can't handle the work load. I enjoy teaching the new guys, as it's mostly people who love writing as much as I do and it really gives us a connection that does stick around. However, last year, I had a very bad 'mentoree', whom I dislike to this very day...

Cast:

Me - Take a guess WI - Very cool and kind teacher and head editor of the mag AM - Arsehole mentoree BF - One of my best friends

Now, I knew AM before he joined the committee; we were friends, we'd been into town with each other a bit, and we were good mates, so I was excited to be mentoring him. The way mentoring works is that there are 7 tasks to complete and have checked by your mentor, leading up to a big review six weeks after one first joins. The tasks are fairly easy; learn how to Photoshop pictures for the photographers and learning the formatting of the articles to make my life easier :). Now, I teach the mentorees in a way which means that I set them a task (e.g. Task 1) and it has a deadline which I will take in the work, check it, and give feedback on. It works well, and I have always done the mentoring this way.

When I set the first task for AM, I was really confident in his ability. Because we were (and still are) at a really good school, I genuinely believed that he would do it and I'd have no problems. However, as you've probably guessed, I was very wrong. When it was time for his first task to be checked, this happened:

Me: Where's the work, AM?

AM: I wasn't able to do it, Mercent_...

Me: Why? It was a fairly simple task. If you had any problems, I told you to ask me about them.

AM: Well, the thing is... [AM takes a massive breath and I expect the worst] my dad just got in a really bad car accident and I've been at the hospital the past few days.

I was shocked. This guy's dad was in intensive care, and I was ready to give him a hard time for not doing some work. I immediately apologised and almost had a panic attack. I gave him an extra week to do his work. I was a terrible person. I went home and sobbed about how mean I was ready to be. I came in the next day and avoided him as much as possible. At this point, I didn't even suspect at thing. When it came to his second task (and the first task as well) being checked, I was nervous but prepared:

Me: How did you find the work?

AM: I couldn't finish either of them.

At this point, I was just pissed. He'd told me privately that he wasn't in the hospital as much anymore, so I was confused.

Me: Come on, this is starting to get silly. Your review is soon, and you haven't even started the tasks!

AM: Mercent_ it's because my cat got put down. It was really old, and I've had it since birth, so I was really attached to it.

This really made me upset. I have two cats, and I love them to pieces; I couldn't even imagine their death. So I told AM I was sorry, but he needed to either get the work done or take an official break and leave the committee briefly (this gets put on a report which is kept by WI, and it's about the bad things a person in the committee had done). This back and forth of "Work?" "Nope, and here's why..." went on until literally the day before his review. I had sat down with him and spoke to him about how he had not done any of the work and had 6+ hours of work to do for the next day. He was really apologetic, but I had become totally immune to his shenanigans by this point; he'd really ticked me off. By this point, I didn't know if he was lying or not, but I had my suspicions.

Then his review came around; I was terrified. You see, as his mentor, if he does badly, I get in trouble for not doing my job well enough. I am a massive goody-two-shoes. I've never had a detention, and I was petrified of getting one as my parents would not approve. AM, WI and I sit down and when WI asks to see the work, AM says he hasn't got any of it. Before I can interrupt and explain the situation, AM goes on to say that he had handed in all of the work but I had said that none of it was good enough, and threw it all out before the review. WI gave me a death stare. I was crapping bricks.

In my first year of being in the committee, I had lied to WI about doing some work. This had been put on my report and I got screamed at for 15 minutes straight. He said I had delayed printing by over a week, and I was incompetent, etc. (we moved past it and now we enjoy each other's company very much!) and essentially if I made any mistakes, I was getting fired. I looked at AM, shocked about what he'd said, and stuttered to WI the actually situation, and all the lies he'd told me. WI didn't believe me, as not so long ago... I. Had. Lied.

I then made it my absolute mission to prove everything he had told me and WI wrong, but there was one problem; I didn't arrange anything over a traceable source; I hadn't emailed him or texted him, other than on Snapchat, but that deletes messages after being read. It looked like I was going to get fired, and I only had a few days to prove my innocence before I was gone.

​

The Plan (finally!)

That evening, I went into town with some friends (AM wasn't present) and I sat down with BF. She was texting AM on iMessage (a key detail), so I told her what happened about the committee and AM. She was shocked, and believed me over AM. This is when a plan was hatched.

Firstly, I needed evidence, and BF gave me exactly what I needed. She took AM into town on a 'date' as he liked her. She then began a conversation about she heard I was being nominated for an award about my writing for the school magazine (this was actually true, I won an award for England's Young Journalist of the Year and Best Featured Article about my transgender sister #humblebrag). BF then set her phone to record the ENTIRE CONVERSATION! This included AM admitting to screw me over so he could eventually take my position as Assistant Editor. BF then sent this to me, and I stored it on my computer in sweet revenge.

I sent the voice message to WI and he, too, was shocked. He apologised profusely to me and I told him that I didn't want him to fire AM yet and then told him my plan. He was worried, but on board because of what he did to me. I met with AM the next day, to 'apologise' for being too harsh about his tasks, and beg for him to retract his statement about me. He obviously said no. As protocol states, I had to give other members my ongoing articles, and I gave AM my award-winning transgender article and said that I had changed so it was talking about a different girl rather than my sister. However, I actually changed it to make it horribly trans-phobic. Like disgustingly trans-phobic. He thanked me, and left.

The next few weeks, I didn't show up to any meetings and made it seem like I had actually been kicked out, but I stayed aware of the situation in the committee and kept up to date on my articles. Because this was the kind of person he was, AM didn't even read the article I had sent him before he handed it in, so WI received a heavily transphobic and sexist article which AM wrote, supposedly. WI called AM into his room and AM was screamed at for writing such a horrible article, and then played the voice tape back for him so he knew that he'd been caught. The headteacher of the school found out about the article AM had wrote and AM was put in isolation (you get taught on your own in a separate room, where you spend lunch and break, etc.) for a week! He was also fired from the committee immediately, and got a mark on his permanent record.

​

TL;DR - Friend tried to get me in trouble, admitted to it on recording, then got in trouble himself for a while.

​

I hope you enjoyed the story, and if you read the entire thing, you're truly a trooper, cheers! If you've got any burning questions about the post and any intricate details or feedback for me, comment it please! Cheers lads and ladies :)

(source) story by (/u/Mercent_)

[dead-relatives]

Fucking bitch do those stupid asks

Rude, but here:1: Do they drink coffee?If she does, I haven't seen it.
2: Are they left or right handed?Right handed
3: How do they do their hair? Facial hair? (If they have it)Very blue, usually up
4: What’s their favorite animal?I don't know if it's her favorite but she likes dolphins 
5: What is their relationship status?Single
6: What is their favorite band/singer?She can never pick one, but her top 5 are Brand New, The Front Bottoms, Knuckle Puck, Elvis, and Tom Petty
7: Are they more a cat or dog person?Dog
8: What does their laugh sound like?I can't describe it, but thinking about it makes me smile. It's something great.
9: Do they know multiple languages? Which ones? I'm not sure 
10: How old are they? How old are you?She's 19, I'm 18
11: One word that describes them.Unbelievable 
12: Do they have any pets?A couple of dogs who are cute
13: What is their favorite TV show?Shameless
14: What is their favorite movie?Whiplash 
15: What car do they drive?She doesn't have a car 
16: What ethnicity and/or nationality are they? White
17: Where did you meet them?Campus dining hall, but I saw her all around campus first.
18: What was your first meeting like?I was so nervous I was shaking, but it was cool and nice.
19: What is their zodiac sign? Are your signs compatible?Capricorn. Yes(?).
20: What month is their birthday?December 
21: What is your favorite outfit on them?"UW Oshkosh Grandparent" sweatshirt, cool hat
22: Are they good texters?Lmao not really 
23: Your favorite feature about their appearance.Face, hair
24: Your favorite thing about their personality.She's very interesting, has a lot of stories.
25: Do they make you laugh?Yes.
26: Do you make them laugh?Yeah dawg.
27: Are they good huggers/ kissers?I haven't gotten to find that out yet.
28: What is your favorite “flaw” that they have?She sleeps a lot 
29: Are they nice to strangers?Yes
30: What is the funniest thing they have ever said?"Fuck you", to James Cassar
31: Saddest?That she only really goes to parties because her friends make her.
32: Weirdest?"I got tattooed by the guy who tattooed a kid from my high school who fucked a teacher."
33: Cutest?"I like hearing your stories"
34: Ever dreamt about them? What happened in the dream?No.
35: How tall are they? How tall are you?I'm like 5'5", so she's like 5'3" or 5'4"
36: Do they have a booty?Oh HELL yeah
37: What are their hobbies?Art
38: What are their talents?Also art
39: What would your dream date be with them? Going to a record store and then maybe hanging out at the docks by campus.
40: Does anyone know about your crush/love?Pretty much all of my friends, apparently my entire floor, and realistically probably her.
41: What do you guys have in common?We like the same music a lot.
42: Do they go to the gym?Yes
43: Do they go by their given name?Yeah 
44: What is their favorite color?I'm not sure. Maybe blue?
45: How far apart do you live from them?Right now she's a five minute walk away but once school is over she'll be 1,001.6 miles away (I googled that).
46: What song reminds you of them?Josephine by Oso Oso, Cardigan by the Cardboard Swords
47: Do they listen to a lot of music?Yes
48: What do they smell like?Jolly Rancher jelly beans 
49: If they were in a book (protagonist or antagonist or supporting character, up to you) how would the writer describe them?They would definitely mention her hair and probably talk about how her face is perfect and she looks like a fucken goddess always.
50: How often do you see them?In person, a few times a week. We Snapchat on the daily.
51: The last text/ message they sent you?Telling me that I probably wasn't going to die because my hands inexplicably smelled like weed.
52: The last thing they said to you in person?"See you later"
53: What is the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you in front of them?Probably the first time I talked to her and I was literally shaking.
54: Do they have any tattoos or piercings?A palm tree on her ankle
55: What color are their eyes?Gray 
56: What is their clothing style? sweatshirt, cool hat, yoga pants
57: What is one thing that makes them really special?I don't know if I've ever gotten along with someone so well instantly 
58: Will you tell your crush your feelings?Hahahahahahahaha oh god. Maybe. That's horrifying.
59: How long did you know them before you started falling for them? It totally didn't happen before I met her haha
60: Was there a defining moment when you knew you liked them?After the first time I went over to her place and we listened to records and talked for hours.