#I really wanted Sneeg to get a kill on green :[

[nexahexagon]

Wip.

[bigmoon-is-bigwife]

What really endears me to TR!Sneeg is that he's arguably the most powerful person on the server but all he really wants to do is share that power with the people he cares about. He happily shares his machines and knowledge with others because he wants them to be strong too. Sneeg doesn't want to stand on this pillar of godhood alone and he wants his loved ones beside him. He wants them beside him because if they're as strong as him, then they're as safe as him. However, he also understands that few people are willing and able to grind as much as him so he shares his own power with them and asserts himself as their protector.

Sneeg takes his role of protector very seriously. He placed himself in the role initially for Ros but he has fully extended that to the rest of Yellow. Now that he has reached Nirvana I think he feels obligated to make up for being away for so long. He has started hanging around closer to the castle and watching over conversations Green Faction has with any Yellow faction member and is always ready to step in if needed. He doesn't insert himself in the conversation unless he feels it's necessary but he likes to just watch with his crossbow loaded, just in case. Sometimes he makes himself known and sometimes he doesn't but he is gradually establishing that he could be around at any time and that Green Faction should always be wary with messing with Yellow faction members.

Sneeg really leans into his reputation of being this cold and distant figure the rest of the server sees him as when he's around Green Faction. He does not like or trust them and he reminds them that he is very capable of killing them if he chooses. He does not shy away from pointing his gun at them and promising retaliation if they try anything. I've used the term "Scary Dog Privilege" before with Sneeg and it has somehow managed to become even more accurate. He allows himself to be painted as this mythic terrifying legend because he knows it'll make people hesitate to mess with him and his people. No one is ever ballsy enough to pick a fight if they know Sneeg is around.

When Pili died what really upset Sneeg was the precedent it set. Even if Pangi says it had nothing to do with factions, Sneeg does not like the idea of anyone getting comfortable with killing any Yellow faction members. He has considered killing all of Green just so they aren't a threat anymore. And Green Faction knows that Sneeg is what protects Yellow. Pangi and Lukey agree that if they can kill Sneeg then the rest of Yellow will fall easily but as long as Sneeg is around, Yellow is very protected and everyone knows it. I think Sneeg would be very proud of this.

I think it's also notable how Sneeg has never trusted Pangi at all but he knows Ros does so he tends to be a little nicer towards him compared to how he is with other Green members, even offering him advice. That is until Pangi killed Pili. After that, when Sneeg saw Pangi was looking for Ros he immediately went on the defensive and was ready to kill Pangi at any sign of threatening behavior. I think any bit of good faith Sneeg had extended towards him for Ros's sake may be out the window now but he did make an effort to try. Despite the front he puts up with potential enemies, Sneeg is incredibly soft towards the ones he protects. He's the most powerful person on the server but he will drop everything to be silly and use his god-like powers and fly people like Ros and Aimsey around. He showers his kingdom in gifts and loves to be useful in any way possible. At his core he is a protector and what is a protector if there is nothing to protect?

[femboyclownpierce]

people it'd be really fun to see on the realm, with varying degrees of seriousness

zombiecleo: they are an absolute SHOE IN for green, they're such a hater. i also really want to see her and sneeg go toe-to-toe in the sarcasm and dry humor ring, they're very similar people and they'd get along well i think

ethoslab: tell him there's ranked fishing. he will be like philza but all he does is fish. no shits about conflict, no base to speak of, only fishing. he might need an emotional support friend (cleo or tango) but he'd have a blast i know he would

tangotek: it'd just be really funny to have two tangos on the same server. also if tthere does end up being a create dimension he'd spend all his time there

ivorycello: tbh i dont know much about her, but i know she'd kill it on the lore front.

clownpierce again: CAN SOMEONE REMIND THIS MOTHERFUCKER HE'S WHITELISTED.

geminitay: we need another yaoi hater on this server. she and aimsey can be gay with each other about how much they hate yaoi

[fogged--mirror]

I am so normal about the two Jesters in the kingdom's card deck! (owen and clown). Rewritten lore analysis time!!!

Real long analysis thing under the cut, you are warned. /Some "spoilers" for both of their povs/

Funny/non analysing - both jesters have a very specific addiction that haunts them every day they are on the server (owen - trial chambers, clown - enchanting/grinding)

More serious lore stuff under the cut!

Less silly - their relationships to the kingdom is really interesting.

Surprisingly it's more similar than expected. Owen has a high position in the kingdom (royal advisor, jester /and accountant ig lol/). He is happy but feels bad after he is disregarded by the king in some way (listening to clown more etc). Was going to betray the kingdom due to this but after king's death decided to fully commit to being a part of it and help yellow.

Until something happened erm.. So it turns out his full plan was mostly set after thinking of killing the king. He wants to tear the kingdom apart (reason? hell if I know man) and his taunts against the other factions are somehow probably part of it (disband the kingdom and make the server hate them because yellow operates in - you mess with one you get the whole pack angry at you, making it difficult to like be friends with other factions?). The blue vs yellow conflict was started by him, the bridge thing was also by him.

Clown also has a high position (archmage, kinda jester). He likes his title but feels bad about being disregarded in some ways (example - Owen being more of a jester than he is so he kinda started hating him off the bat after they first met). Initially even before joining planned to betray, but after everything red has done committed to being more serious about helping his faction.

And he actually stuck to that! He fought with tr!Mocha for Ros and for everything he has done against the kingdom and won. He doesn't have anything against his faction members, tr!Sneeg and tr!Ros are his closest allies. It does not mean his loyalty to the entire kingdom but he most likely will stay if they do. He considered wiping all of green faction after tr!Mocha's death if they were going to retaliate against Ros after all.

As a character both of them are evil creatures who greatly enjoy violence and doing things for their own fun. (The whole red team joining day, Clown immediately being down to kill Pili, Owen setting up a murder plot and poking other faction being like "dang I wonder why they hate me" after). Sure they do care about the kingdom but violence is a need they always will partake in regardless of what happens after.

For both of them consequences don't exist. Owen doesn't care for his own death and loves instigating others. (it bites the whole faction back but dude does not care). And for Clown - he is capable enough to defend himself and those he cares about. Owen is all bark and no bite and Clown is all bite and no bark essentially lol.

Relationships with their kingdom members!! This is when they start to differ significantly

Ros

With Owen - he noticed the change that happened (being more murderous) and was against it at first, not fully understanding what led to it. He still thinks that Ros who wants to kill people is not her. He is wary of Aimsey and Ros's friendship and wants to make sure she is still loyal to the kingdom. His first priority is the kingdom and it's prosperity above his friendships. I personally don't think he cares all that much for tr!Ros, he saw her being close to tr!Aimsey and saw it as a liability and wanted to drag her back to the kingdom (or away from it from today's stream idk man what is wrong with him)

With Clown thought - he saw the change and was encouraging if Ros truly wanted to go all the way with it. He doesn't exactly care if her murderous nature is truly her, he would just support her if she wants to kill, he is excited for her but doesn't push her to it if it makes sense. He was surprised that she killed Aimsey or the falling out if yellow and blue faction. But still his first priority is Ros. Despite being loyal to the kingdom he values his friendship with her significantly more. If Ros straight up leaves after the shit tr!Owen pulled there is like 90% chance tr!Clown would ban tr!Owen off the server and join Ros in wherever she goes next.

Foolish and Sneeg

This is a fun one. Two people closest to them (for Clown after Ros but shh)

Foolish and Owen - King and royal advisor! Gonna be honest probably tr!Owen's closest friendship in the kingdom. For good reason but still, he respects his king and holds him in high regard. But also he knows the king is swayed easily and wants to reel him in most of the time to focus only on their faction instead of the whole server. Tr!Foolish is incredibly skilled in solving things diplomatically or lowering the tension in the room. Tr!Owen is a polar opposite, he wants conflict and chaos and due to tr!Foolish's nature he pushes him to be less forgiving.

Sneeg and Clown - Theeese guys. They are pretty similar in their grinding addiction so they get along well and descended into banter after the alchemy grind. Most recently I think tr!Sneeg is tr!Clown's other closest friend. He asked for his help for if the aftermath of the fight with tr!Mocha went wrong and trusts him more than the other kingdom members. Honestly if tr!Ros left I think it could drag tr!Sneeg to be with the two of them on wherever tr!Clown and tr!Ros go next (please please please I would be so sad if not, Clown please bring a guy you got divorced from with you and Ros on the "Owen got what he wanted so we are leaving" field trip please)

Clown and Owen's relationship with each other!

Despite barely interacting (Clown stop eating bottles please log in and hang out with people once I am begging on my knees). They are basically each others least favourite person in the kingdom.

The kingdom of fools is known for their loyalty and protectiveness of each other, it's basically their whole thing, if you beat up one there is a 90% chance the others will hold a grudge too.

Except Clown and Owen. Sure if Owen got killed Clown would most likely kill those who did if the kingdom wants it, not for tr!Owen but for the faction (or the love of killing people for fun yknow). And if someone is mean to tr!Clown tr!Owen would just instigate with them or don't help, let's be so real.

Their fundamental differences are - the power they possess (Clown's is the physical ability to protect himself + being not that involved in the drama, mostly just going along with his faction, Owen's is mostly his words and influence in the kingdom despite being the weakest in terms of physical strength). And the relationship to the kingdom. Owen puts it above personal relationships and Clown is the complete opposite.

tr!Clown's goals are - Protect people he cares about first and everything else after, he would not care if the kingdom disbanded tomorrow, he would just grab the two people he likes and don't ever look back, there is not much there for him. He barely cares for control over the whole kingdom if at all. Yes he likes bloodshed he can cause by slaying the enemies of the kingdom but he can do the same if it wasn't there. He doesn't care for anything other than the people he holds close and he wants to do his best to protect them. He is chaotic, yes, but it is a heavily controlled chaos, murder is fun for him but I doubt he would do what tr!Owen does when trying to cause it. He doesn't really care about mind games and is the first to jump to violence, it's the thing he knows best and can use to his advantage easiest.

tr!Owen's goals are most likely (I don't know what this man is planning so I am taking a best guess I have) - Power and control over the kingdom above the people in it (if he has to get rid of those who don't listen to his words blindly - he will, no hesitation). Or just chaos he can cause to have his fun. He is not weighted down by his relationships with others. Yes, he appears friendly to his faction but he is not that close to them. He doesn't care for death either and can do whatever he wants with no downside, his loyalty to the kingdom is mostly him playing cards he was given. If the kingdom disbanded tomorrow he would lose a lot I think. His strongest suit is his words and manipulation and by god does he use them.

They started out more or less the same (only different in the weapons they use) but it changed completely after a certain time. Two jesters in the kingdom's deck! One is loyal, the other wants to tear it down.

\silly rambles part - Also if they ever teamed up it would be so over for the server (a person with nothing to lose who would be extremely down to taunt anyone without a care for what comes after. And a person who wants to protect those he cares about and who could back it up if it's ever needed by destroying anyone who fell for a taunt). This has a REALLY LOW, next to 0 chance of happening but I am begging on my knees for it to happen, it would be so funny, jester duo come back to me I miss you.....\

\realistically tr!Owen kinda does not need close allies to get what he wants and tr!Clown cares for tr!Ros and would beat tr!Owen into paste because he was mean to her before ever trusting him enough to be protective over him lmao\

Thas kinda it idk how to end it. Erm subscribe for more bangers, I am usually this normal about characters who barely interact on a cube smp yerp.

[longdeadking-moved-blogs]

so. hetch. hes a pretty weird guy. pretty evil, right? and yet he's described as the saviour. that seems pretty strange. but what if... it wasnt very strange at all, and actually made total sense?

bear with me on this one, i need to explain some context before i get to the theory.

so, the masks. every character we see wearing a mask (ranboo, the rats, the ghouls, and the drones/employees) is directly under showfall's control. we know that the masks are what cause the control, thanks to sneeg's episode 2 escape and ranboo's whole thing. characters can still be controlled without masks, but it seems like that control is easier to break and requires a mask to reinstate. so hetch, who wears a full-face mask, is under showfall's direct control.

next point, the previews! specifically, the special keynote. we have a hacker breaking in, talking about how showfall (presumably) got everyone but them. likely, this means the streamers. this is before the show itself, and before any of the announcements on the genloss twitter. the glitch effects, red colorscheme, and style of speech all match hetch's later on. so hetch was hacking in before the show even started.

and my final bit of context, the game. in the glitched world, the three characters - a green one, a blue one, and a red one - speak in binary. translated, they read the villian, the taken, and the saviour respectively. we know for a fact sneeg is the taken, and a little extrapolation makes it clear that the villian is charlie. and the red character, the saviour, really looks a lot like hetch. it isn't ranboo, since thats who we're playing as. so hetch is the saviour.

my thinking is this:

showfall kidnapped this group. hetch, as a computer expert and potentially tech guy for all of these streamers, wasn't captured (either due to fighting them off or just not being in the area). he started investigating, almost getting to the bottom of the mystery, when showfall found him again and put him under their control.

they implanted the story in his head of being the founder's right-hand man, and let him mislead, lie to, and kill his friends, both as a punishment and a convinient explanation for the earlier unexplained hacks.

which is why hetch wears that mask. hes no more free than the rest of them. he wanted to save them all, but he wasn't more powerful than the corporation.

[magnecalliope]

#i need her to get absolutely kerschnickered and maybe threaten to stab someone #and then immediately start crying afterwards #ros deserves to be a messy drunk. she needs the break #no actually wait. coming back to this. god i want to write this really bad but i dont think i could do it in the way i would want to#like a vent fic but its not my vent fic its ROS' vent fic. #ros getting fed up with all the arguing at her goddamn ball and because shes the kinda person to DROWN HERSELF when people are fighting #she just gets absolutely BLASTED with pangi in the kitchen and she starts traumadumping EVERYYYTHIIINGGG on him #the throne getting stolen five billion times. clown and sneeg fighting. aimsey's death. honestly everything about aimsey. #her passive suicidal tendencies and her aggressive need to make everyone happy and how it never seems to make HER happy and #everything with owen and being the queen while foolish was dead and how she was hunted by green and red all the time and PILI #(pangi is being her “yes girl men aint shit” bestie the entire time because he lives for the chisme) #(until she gets to those last few topics and he starts actually joining her in the getting wasted to cope) #(both of them have PROBLEMS.) #(the others find them sitting on the floor of the kitchen. leaning against each other and the cabinets. giggling and sobbing together) #OP im so sorry for beginning to write a fic outline in your tags... its simply peak.

via @churrobird

Don't apologize, this rules. XD I'm so happy my vision can inspire so much!

#prev that's beautiful and if u dont write it i will #me and the bestie hashtag drunk off our asses sobbing in the kitchen #clown wanders in halfway thru. he is also fucking WASTED and just wandering around like a lost puppy. #he just sits down and joins the sob fest. hes not sure why they're cryinf but he wants to be included

via @femboyclownpierce

I like to imagine him just crawling into Ros's lap like a cat and passing out instantly. Unclear if this would make Ros feel better or worse.

#prev thats the best thing ive ever heard and i simply think it would break pangi on a spiritual level to have a messy drunk sobfest about- #his ex-best friend.... WITH his best friends MURDERER. #who is also ROS' best friend .#someone tell badboyhalo to stop flirting with (trying to kill) foolish in the ballroom. the telenovela is getting JUICY #also a little bit in love with clown getting smashed too and his only thought is to irish goodbye the party to go hang out with ros #even if shes just getting white girl wasted and crying#they are so dear to me.

via @churrobird

#prev thats so funny bc now im imagining sneeg walking in looking for ros/clown or some shit #and or he straight up just leaves to go to his new contraption (blender/deafinator) #type of mf to literally leave a party when all of his friends (and the only remaining friends arguing with each other like okay im not #getting involved in that) leave/disappear #OR he finds them and sneaks up on them to just go ‘hey guys whats up lol’ and scare tf outta them #or he stays quiet when he hears actual traumadumping going on (eavesdropping) and then probs leaving afterwards since well clown is there so #im sure ros is fine :) #and he leaves with a whisper to clown saying some shit like ‘u stink im leaving’

via @kristiliqua

Sneeg will make himself known long enough to confiscate the rest of the booze. They are cut off, no more drinking for them. Water only now.

personally my fantasy for the ball is that bad/foolish and clown/sneeg ruin it by arguing too frequently too loudly and ros gets white girl wasted in the kitchen with pangi to cope

[nerdyenby]

Orange time :D Ranboo pov

Pregame

Oh my goodness this bit

Sir you do not get to “Hey everybody” us after all of this

Garfield Kart????

WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS?? /aff

Ran made it a whole 12 minutes without laughing at himself, I’m so proud of them

“I don’t know who you think you are, Philza- phil- philza? I don’t know who the hell you think you are but his favorite food is goddamn lasagna” garfieldfan2487 my beloved

“Stop making me think, get out of here you ganti” losing my absolute mind

The eye contact and “… you like Garfield?” killed me

GARFIELD KART IS REAL?!!?! I thought they were clowning

Leaving himself a message and creating lore for their MCC scuffed persona is so Ranboocore

Aimsey instantly becoming Garfieldfan2487’s best friend can be so personal

Ran and Callum’s interaction is everything

“Just like Garfield gets destroyed by Mondays, I am getting destroyed by the IRS”

Ran FINALLY breaking character, it’s been almost an hour my liege, cmon /lh

So I was under the impression Martyn was pg, guess not lol

All the skins 😭

The music just being a single kazoo note on repeat is so good

Bingo but fast!!! :D

BINGO BUT FAST?!!

MCC really said no to democracy and I respect that

Bingo but Fast

Are… they actually all going to be bingo? I don’t know if I want to believe that

Shoutout to Martyn for actually having played this game before

Why are there elytras???

They have to say bingo 😭

I feel like they’re killing it but they’re in fifth lol

Ewwww why is the savannah green?????

Battle Box

Excuse me why isn’t this game sillier?? /j

Thus Noxite and Ranboo’s rivalry begins

Sneeg mvp :))

Martyn mvp!!!!

Eat the carrots!!

ORANGE V YELLOW MY BELOVED!!!

“Fist up or die” so true Kara

Magic school bus conversation my beloved

Ran and Phil throwing their chickens at each other is so silly of them

Hole in the Wall

The hitw logo <333

Ran is so excited, I can stop smiling

Ranboo could I get you to consider: accents

This whole event is just going to be overstimulation central and I’m ready for it

Martyn’s “Nuh uh, if my parents couldn’t get me to eat me vegetables then you can’t either”

Sot music <333

THEIR SPRINT :((

MY STREAMER POPPED OFF

Garf permission granted, still don’t know what that means tho

They’re so real about how ideal the stimulation of hitw with hunger is

Ranboo zooming in and making eye contact is so intimidating what

Survival Games

“I’m so garfed up right now” “damn dude” KARA

THE SURVIVAL GAMES LOGO <33333

What does MCCAF stand for?

Everyone laughing at Martyn taking fall damage is so silly of them

The way the music cuts out just before they encounter their first other team is legit terrifying

“Is there a /top command?” 😭😭😭Ranboo my favorite Techno stannie

“You can now use /top” MCC MY BELOVED 😭😭😭

No clue how or when they got in first but I love that for them

Phil is merely playing Rocket Spleef, okay? Let the man enjoy himself /lh

The scoring is scuffed, don’t worry about it

SYLVEE TOP 5!!!

High key thought my computer froze when Ranboo just walked up to Phil and stared into the camera

TGTTOSAWAF

“I’m trying to maximize our garfage, okay?” “You can’t garf when you’re dead, Sneeg! There’s no garfing in hell!” […] “Of course you can, you’ve never been more surrounded by orange, that’s where we’re supposed to be” “I jump into the lava to be reunited”

I expected the dark to be darker ngl /lh

Now THIS is dark darkness

This is exactly the level of chaos I was craving

I was restraining myself from making a “gay on gay crime” joke when Ant justified punching Ran with “the chick-fil-a took over my keyboard, I’m sorry”

Slow falling into the void is so painful

“Who’s being a guy?” “Not me” RANBOO 💕💗💖💕💕💗💖 or should I say 💛🤍💜🖤

Kara asking if she can swear in game 5 is iconic, Sneeg is right there queen /gen

Kara going feral, as she deserves <333

Why is Martyn surprised? He was popping off

Martyn getting a screenshot of himself in the top ten “Sending that one to mum” I love him, okay??

“Dodgebolt with multishot” Sneeg is so real for that

Kara just had a kazoo on hand?? And perfect pitch??????

Sands of Time

Kara and Martyn having a whole “no you first” “no YOU first” over who gets to run is so!!!

Ranboo calling H a nerd, my streamers <333 (but seriously I don’t know if they’ve really interacted? Like they were both on dsmp but I can’t remember anytime they’ve actually spoken)

That sound effect is so cruel but if that’s the only thing scuffed about sands I’m happy

Omg what if all the vaults were down the same path

“Oh surely” “don’t call me Shirley”

Ranboo you idiot

You died in lava pal, the key is gone

They are merely gaming

That reaction was so delayed lol

Ran snickering at “under where?”

That was terrifying but so cool, it’s really lucky that they went in with like 30 seconds left

I really do want Ranboo to get third

Martyn being terrified of buildmartmanager!Grian is so real

Ranboo is so Techno-coded this MCC :((

Big Sales at Build Mart

Awww it’s the og map

The new game logos are everything, I would sell my soul for stickers of them

“Oreos!!” “No, that’s ore” “Oh” me too Kara, me too

Ran falling twice in a row and Sneeg just laughing at them

I’m actually down for the little nether run

Ran and Aimsey stopping mid game to wave at each other my beloved

Noooooo

Wow they are really bad at this /aff

Skyblockle

This event is just a love letter to everyone who’s been here since the beginning and it makes my heart really happy

The way they made a scuffed logo for this game because it’s the only time it’s getting played does something to me

WHY IS RANBOO TAKING A SELFIE???

I’m so down for end crystals actually

Sneeg mvp!!!

“I think I’m the April fool” we been knew Ran

Martyn mvp

Oli my beloved

BLUE!!!! IM SO PROUD OF THEM!!!

GEM WON!!! MASSIVE DUB FOR WOMEN EVERYWHERE

Yeah yeah, I may be a Ranboo fan first and foremost but I’m rooting for almost everyone but him, they deserve to maintain their status as career loser /aff

Dodgebolt

HELL YEAH!!!

Ok I got spoiled (saw Skeppy won) but yellow and green!!! Aimsey and Oli!!! My bois!!!!

I think Oli wins no matter what, actually

PUNZ /pos

OLI MY BELOVED 😭

This is insane, I want a 1v8 here lmao

JOEL!!!! Blue was my pick going in so I’m happy no matter what lol

THAT TRADE!!!

FROG WIN!!!!

INSTANT BETRAYAL!!!

ANOTHER TRADE?!!?

Revenge lol

“Babes I died” “It’s okay babes” GLOWDUO OWN MY ENTIRE SOUL

Punz and Krinios are IN SYNC

EMPIRES WIN!!!

Martyn popped off <333

Chicken infection????

THEY ADDED THE PLAGUE TO MINECRAFT

Martyn’s chicken noises are everything

Every MCC should end with zombie tag, actually

I love this team so much

Martyn just sounds like Elmo now 😂

“I’m working, honey. You gotta bawk to pay the bills” I’m dying

Can’t believe Noxite is vaccinated smh /j

I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it a million more: SCOTT SMAJOR NEVER MISSES!!! He always does a superb job of making teams and matching vibes and he absolutely deserves to be proud of that

[tristintea]

I recently came across a certain post by @alwerakoo about a certain pig man, his best friend, and an egg- and I wrote a Thing (sorry I don’t know what the proper etiquette is for this kind of thing yet)

TW for casual mention of murder and swearing

“- and here he is!” Phil declared proudly, wings spreading with his arms as he showed off his future son. The egg was smooth and clean, grey with black flecks, nestled in the middle of his suddenly well-kept nest, and maybe it was the only one he had but it was his pride and joy and he couldn’t describe the sheer anxiety he felt in showing Techno. He knew his friend didn’t really… follow social norms, most of the time, but he really hoped that he’d like it.

When he dared to glance over, he chuckled. Techno was gaping like a fish and trying very desperately not to show it, mouth opening and closing as he tried to find the right words.

“What do you think?” He prompted eagerly.

Techno looked up at him and grinned awkwardly around his tusks, one finger tapping furiously against the hilt of his sword. (A nervous habit, Phil knew, it wasn’t a threat no matter how his bird brain wanted to screech at the potential danger.) “Um.” The piglin hummed, stalling, and transitioned to “He has... your eyes?”

Phil faltered, letting out a choked little sound before bursting into laughter, doubling over himself and cackling.

“Pfff- You can’t see his eyes! He’s still a fuckin’ egg!”

“Hey! Don’t blame me, I just left the nether like two years ago, don’t blame me for not knowing everything about bird culture!” Techno defended, but it was too late, even he himself was snickering at his blunder.

-

Phil turned around very slowly, not taking his eyes off the scrawny little bird-baby (he was pretty sure that wasn’t the accepted name for it but he hadn’t thought to remember the proper term) in his arms. It was small and pink and all limbs with a too-big head and no feathers on the wings sprouting from its back, and when Techno looked up from the tentatively-labeled son of his best friend to his best friend, the intense look he was getting made him freeze.

Was the kid a runt? He wouldn’t be surprised, it didn’t look nearly developed enough to sit up, let alone walk or hold a sword, but Phil had been looking forward to its hatching for months now and he didn’t know how to deal with a mopey best friend if he had to abandon it. Would it be easier to kill it? Not prolong the suffering? Or was that just a piglin thing?? Would Techno be rude for offering to kill Phil’s kid???

“Techno,” said bird-man addressed him, drawing out the syllables to emphasize it.

“Yes?” Techno asked, shoving aside his internal panic for now.

Phil leveled him with a narrowed stare, and after a moment, flicked his gaze down to the hatchling (that was the word!). This time, when he followed Phil’s eyes, he saw what he was looking at. The thing’s eyes so resembled Phil’s that if they weren’t part of a small pink thing Techno wouldn’t be able to see the difference. They were glacier blue, with the same ring of darker blue around the irises and the same threads of green inside of them.

-

“Phil.”

Phil stared at him intently.

“Phil.”

“Techno…”

“I can’t see the future, Phil. You know this.”

“But-”

“No!” Techno sighed heavily at his friend’s insistence, massaging his forehead before offering, “Look. I know there’s been a few coincidences - let me finish, Phil - but uh, here’s a prediction that will probably never happen: your son is… uh, gonna have shitty wings.”

-

Tommy struggled to keep himself up, the air slipping between his feathers no matter how he angled his wings. He slipped left, then right, then slowly fell to the ground. He dropped to lay back in the grass and groaned in frustration. He’d been working on flying for the better part of the day now, and the most he could do was slow his fall from Sneeg’s tree. At least Sneeg wasn’t here right now, off on another trip to the village with Ranboo and Scott, so no one was here to bear witness to his failure.

Just as he had that thought, though, who else walked by but The Blade himself, scanning him over with mild curiosity and a trace amount of concern. (Pity, his mind substituted, and now he was even more mad.) Tommy scrambled to his feet, planting them in an aggressive stance and glaring up at the absolute traitor.

“This is all your fucking fault, Techno!” He accused, shoving his bottom lip out to accentuate his point. Not to pout, definitely not to pout - Big Men didn’t “pout”.

“And how is this my fault again…?” Techno asked, dragging out the last word as if he didn’t know exactly what crimes he’d committed against the Biggest Man™, TommyInnit himself, like the liar that he was.

“Because you cursed me with these fucking - fucking, shitty, chicken wings, bitch!” He swore.

Techno looked even more baffled by this, fucking arsehole. “I can’t curse people? Are you alright, Tommy? Did you hit your head when you were jumping off the tree?” He teased.

“Oh, fuck you!” Tommy flipped him off and ran, deciding that Techno wasn’t worthy of his presence if he was going to keep trying to deceive him. Bitch.

-

“Techno.”

“Phil.”

“Techno.”

“I swear I’m not psychic!”

“You owe my son an apology.”