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seeingivy · 10 months

Text

ribbons release

actor eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

content: happiness for once. until it is not. ronnie's love for foreshadowing strikes again.

an: not a fan of this chapter, but we digress. read it and do not kill me if you don't like it.

song: not explicitly mentioned, but this chapter reminds me of about you by the 1975. ratty healy, I hate you but you ate on this one thing.

previous part linked here

“I ju-just sent my loc-location, Eren.”

“I got it, Y/N. I just need you to hold on for ten more minutes, okay? Can you do that for me?”

“Y-yes.”

Seattle is famous for rain. You understand that all too well now. After what you’ve counted as twenty-seven minutes - from when you went to take the trash out to the mailpost you’re hiding behind now - you’re all but soaked. Drenched.

Your phone is blowing up with texts, the rain is only getting harder, and the mini black dress and ribbon in your hair do no favors to keep you warm. You slide out of your call with Eren and quickly scan through the messages, buzzing so loud they’re blocking Eren’s voice.

reiner: so, so proud of you always!!! stop being a big famous pop star and go back to being the little twerp who needs my help killing spiders on set :/

levi: I love you too, kid. And on a real listen, we really do love the album.

armin: ann and i are smelling a triple threat on the horizon. love you to the moon and saturn <3

connie: i was accidentally pooping while i listened to dorothea for the first time and i think the combination of those two things at once gave me like a really visceral reaction. im not ok. u are amazing.

mikasa: u are givg me aneurysm. pls don’t forgor to call me the scnd ur okay.

erwin: Call me ASAP.

erwin: Not urgent. Just feeling emotional about my little Canadian reaching hearts all over the world.

king of bitches (maybe: ryomen sukuna): Fluff shit indeed. Blow me a kiss when you beat James for Album of the Year.

danny: where is the album release post? it’s almost been half an hour.

You have bigger problems at the moment. Like the frozen piece of fabric you’re wearing. You should have named the album sweaters or scarves or something. Then at least you’d be warm. And blend in with the paparazzi.

Fuck.

“W-wait, Eren. Y-you ca-n’t b-be the one to get me.” you murmur, shivering through your teeth.

“Do you want to stay with someone else? I know nice people here. My neighbor is in her late forties and has like two middle school aged girls that are really nice. They’d take care of you, I promise you can trust them and-” he rambles.

“N-no. I want to st-stay with you. But pa-papara-zzi. S-send ss-omeone e-else.”

“Paparazzi? Why are-?”

“Er-eren.”

“Would it be that bad if it was me? Like it has to be someone else, Y/N?”

“Y-yes.”

“I have someone in mind. She’s leaving right now, okay?”

Eren’s sound is muffled over the line now, which has you digging your phone into your ear to catch the ends of what he’s saying.

Blast the heater….butt warmer on before she’s in the car….bring it up and I will kick your freeloading….

“Y/N?”

“H-here.”

“Good. I’m sending her. Don't get upset, this is the best I could do, okay? I-I promise she’s actually nice. You can trust her and-and I’d never send someone who would do something bad.”

“O-okay. I t-trust you. J-just get me ou-out of th-this, please.” you whimper, praying to god the rustling behind you is a rabbit and not the group of them finding you.

“I’m trying sweetheart, okay? She’s speeding. She’s on Main and Third, three lights and she’s there.”

That’s when you see it. The flash of the camera. And hear five consecutive clicks right after. You look around the periphery, before you see two of them, two tall guys speed walking closer to where you’re hiding.

So you do the only thing you can. Stand up and run instead.

You scramble up off the pavement, hiking your dress down, and keep running down the block. Climb up the gates, knock over trash cans to block the way, anything to stop them. And when you look back, after who knows how long, you realize they’re gone.

And sit flat on the messy pavement, finally lifting the phone back up. Only to realize Eren’s no longer on the line because your phone is dead. You drop it straight into your lap and dig your hands into your head, covering your ears to stop the pounding sound of the rain from getting any louder.

God. Just breathe. Whoever is coming to get you is on the way. They’ll come get you and then you’ll be out of this mess.

You hear three resounding clicks and a flash of a light to look up at two different paps, two girls this time, getting a straight on picture of you. And all you can do is put your head down in your lap and cry.

They already got the picture. There’s no point in trying to run out of it anymore.

“Y/N.”

“Pl-please. I’m b-begging you. You already got your picture and can ss-spin it into whatever you want. I-I’m still a person, please. Just let me go.” you respond, the tears blinding your sight of vision.

You feel a towel being wrapped around your shoulders and soft hands lifting you up by your arms. And then all of a sudden you’re in a warm car, being sped out of the neighborhood past the groups of paparazzi in between the houses, and not directly across from them having your picture taken.

You’re in a car. You’re okay. You’re leaving. You’re okay.

You lean back and breathe hard, phantom sobs still racking out of your chest, trying to register that you’re almost there. Safe behind closed, triple locked doors.

“D-did you tell Eren?”

“Yes. He’s not far, we’ll be there soon, okay?”

“Okay. T-thank you. I’m Y/N.”

“Lana.”

You turn your head to actually take in the driver this time, to be met with the Lana you feared. Ricky’s ex-girlfriend, Lana. She has short brown hair - entirely different from her long, beachy waves from the Girlfriend incident - a pointed nose and a very clenched jaw.

“Th-there are more blankets on the floor. I pumped the heater pretty hard, but I’ll turn all the fans your way. And anything you could possibly need is being rushed to the house for you, so just don’t worry, okay?”

“I appreciate it. Thank you for coming to get me. I-I”

“Please don’t thank me. I just-”

She takes a harsh intake of breath and turns to give you a look, her mouth upturned.

“He locked you out, didn’t he?” she whispers.

“Yeah.” you respond.

“What did you do?”

“I told him I didn’t like him back.”

She turns her head towards you, a look of confusion on her face.

“It was a PR thing.”

She snorts.

“Your managers must hate you.”

“I’m starting to think they just might.”

“Well. Don’t feel bad. Not for a fucking second. Just because he likes you, doesn’t mean he’s entitled to you reciprocating back. You like who you like. And if I were you, I wouldn’t stop liking a guy like Eren for a skeeze like Ricky either.”

You lean against the glass, hot air blowing in your face, as you take in her expression - so enraged, so exasperated, so furious that it gives you a chill. But when she looks over and gives you a halfhearted smile, you see the pained expression there too.

That’s when you pinpoint it. Lana reminds you of Historia.

“I’m sorry.” you respond.

“For?”

“You knew he locked me out. He must have done it to you too, no?” you whisper, the tension in the air delicate.

She swallows hard and clenches her knuckles on the steering wheel, eyes laser focused on the red light shining on her face. And beyond the original striking features - her sharp jaw and nose - you see the softness too. The dimples, the wrinkles near her eyes, the light brown freckles.

“I wanted to take time off from acting. It-I did a role that was really traumatic and I just needed a break. And he was just about to go on tour and he wanted me to come to support. Like a little cheerleader.”

“So he locked you out?”

“For two days. He-he’s just. A lot of the fame stuff got to him when he was really little. And now he’s got this convoluted sense of self-image and it just- I don’t know. He’s got problems.” she responds.

“I’m sorry. Really, that’s-”

You stop talking, words failing you. And maybe it’s the way your head was frozen ten minutes ago and it’s being melted now, or that the picture they took is going to leak soon, or that there is no good thing to say to something shitty like this. It only took him three months to turn on you, which you’re guessing is generous now. She must have infinite patience for putting up with it for an entire year.

“In a weird way, I’m glad it’s me and not Eren. You- this does something for me. Making sure you’re not out there for two days, it-it helps me.” she whispers, looking over to give you a smile.

“I really appreciate you, Lana. Thank you. And I-I’m not mad at you for the Girlfriend thing. You had every right to do that.”

“Y/N. I have every right to drag Ricky James’ name through the mud. But not yours. And I- shit. Please don’t tell Eren we talked about this. He’s going to kill me.”

“Why?”

“He told me that if I brought it up, he’d kick me out of his house. I kind of stay there because I-I hate living in our townhouse on set because of how toxic it is and he was nice enough to offer. And he made it very clear that I have to pick you and make sure you’re okay, not make you uncomfortable or anything. We’re here to take care of you and-”

“I brought it up. I’ll deal with him if he gives you a hard time. I used to be really good at that type of thing.”

“I know for a fact that you could tell him to twirl in the air like a show pony and he’d do it.”

“I’ll test the theory and let you know.”

She laughs, giving you a smile which you warmly return. Your phone buzzes in your lap, finally revived, and you send a quick message to Mikasa and Jean before shutting it off.

“I-I didn’t know that it was going to go that far. I knew the song and that we were just going to sing it. Let people speculate it was about you. I-I didn’t know they’d have a girl who looked like you OR bring Eren up on stage. And Eren didn��t know anything about the song or the performance at all - they, they set him up.”

“Why would they do that? I mean, they got horrible backlash in the entire thing.”

“They thought people would like it. And they severely underestimated how much people love you. And they did it because, Eren- he. He doesn’t follow rules and-”

“Follow rules?”

“I’m saying too much. He-he’s going to get mad. Ju-just rest, okay? You’re okay now, we’re two minutes from the neighborhood..”

You give her a questioning look, which she returns with a dismissive shake. Stubborn - she’s Historia alright. You lean back in the chair and reach for the music nob, twisting it on. Only to be met with the Teletubbies Theme blasting through the car and a very flustered Lana turning the knob off.

“Fuck.”

“Teletubbies?”

“I-I can explain.”

“Please. I’d love to hear it.”

She drums her fingers on the steering wheel as the silence hangs in the air.

“Okay. Maybe I can’t explain.”

“No need. I appreciate versatile music taste in prospective friends. Especially classics like this.” you respond, cranking the music back on.

“Friends?”

“Don’t be silly. Not exaggerating, but I think you quite literally saved my life a few minutes ago. You’re like the La-La to my Dipsy.”

“Lame. You’re more of a Tinky-Winky. And anytime. We girls stick together, right?” she responds, reaching for your hand and giving it a squeeze. Like Eren.

Did she learn the hand squeezes from Eren? Is he squeezing her hands? They live together so …are they dating?

“We’re here.”

You nod, appreciative of Lana more than maybe any person on god's green Earth, as she pulls into the driveway and helps you out of the car. It’s only after sitting that you’re realizing your legs are so bone dead tired that you’re barely moving on your own.

You move past the hood of the car as Eren walks into the garage, immediately beelining towards you. His hair is long again - it’s always changing every time you see him - and he’s all wound up with tensions sitting in his shoulders. His hands are warm and cupping your face, yanking the cold towel off and replacing it with a warm one.

“Hey. You-you nicked your face, Y/N. And you’re freezing, you-” he whispers, brushing his fingers across the skin near your eye that stings on touch.

Lana holds the door open as he leads you in, arms aggressively moving up and down your shoulders and his face all pinched up in concern.

“You’re good to go? I put your stuff out by the door.” Eren says, gesturing to Lana.

“Is she leaving?” you ask, looking up at Eren.

“Yeah. Don’t worry, it’ll be just us. And I’m sure Mika and Jean will drop everything to fly out for you tomorrow, I can tell them if you need me to and-”

“Well, don’t make her leave. She shouldn’t stay on that stupid set just because of me.” you respond.

Eren looks over and glares at Lana, who is now wide eyed and giving Eren a sheepish smile. Fuck. He asked her not to talk about that.

“Lana.” he says, in a warning tone.

“Eren. Chill out. I didn’t even-”

“You’re so full of yourself, you know that? You- she got drenched and the rain and you were talking about set?”

“It’s not like that! It just came up and-”

“Oh, for sure. You just happened upon it like you were a villager walking in a town square. Ooh Y/N. You just got drenched in the rain and chased by paparazzi, but more importantly, the girls I work with are super bitchy.” he responds, mimicking her voice.

“You-it wasn’t like that! You’re so aggravat-”

“Eren. Leave her alone.” you ask, looking up at him. And you’re sure you must look horrible because he immediately stops when he looks at your face again and signals for her to leave, which she’s receptive to.

“Okay. Lana, text me when you’re there. And check if you were followed on your way out.” Eren says.

Lana stops and holds both of your arms at your biceps, hands soft on your skin.

“Do call me if you need anything, okay? Especially Ricky related. Whatever you do, I’ll back you up, Tinky-Winky. ”

“Thank you, La-La. I’ll take you up on that.” you respond, giving her a warm smile.

“Oh god. No. No, you don’t get to be friends now. Fuck no, Lana. Please stick to the geriatric grandmas you play Scrabble with.”

“You’re just mad they beat you at mahjong last week. Because you’re a prissy loser.”

“And you’re-”

You jab Eren in the side, signaling him to stop, as they both nod and she slides her way out. From the way he’s arguing, the look on his face is so similar to the one he gives Connie when they argue, you know they could go on for years if they got the chance.

“Fuck you, Eren.”

“Eat shit, Lana.”

She flips him off as the door clicks shut behind her, the lack of her presence making you suddenly aware of your breaths. And of Eren, warm Eren rubbing into your shoulders and concerned green eyes staring into yours.

“I like her.” you whisper.

“Me too. Don’t tell her that though, she’s got an ego problem.” he responds.

You laugh, which has him smiling at you, and suddenly you’re sobbing. And on cue, Eren has his arms around you, his touch warm and his voice oh so soft that it kills you. That you haven’t seen him in two months. And haven’t talked to him for longer.

“Eren.”

“Hey, hey. Don’t cry, it-it’ll be okay. I- we’ll fix this, okay? I’ll call Levi and Hange, whoever you want, they’ll all come and-”

You reach up, tangling your arms around his neck as he keeps nervously talking, trying to hold you closer even though it’s not physically possible. And he’s just so-

So familiar that he feels like home.

“You’re breaking my heart here, Y/N. Please stop crying, I-I’ve got you, okay?” he murmurs, straight into your skin as you nod, trying your best to even out the sobs still leaving you. And slowly but surely, the stream slows and your breath evens out enough to get at least a few words out.

“Okay. Okay, okay. I’m okay.”

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“As much as I like holding you, you’re freezing. Take a shower first and we can do this all you want, okay?”

You pull back, wiping the tears off your cheeks and giving him a nod. He gives you a small smile, before placing his hands on your shoulders and leading you down towards the bathroom. And you don’t miss all the posters and pictures he has on his walls - one from each season of Attack of Titan, a few of him and Armin, and even one of him and Lana flipping off the camera together.

He pushes you into the bathroom and immediately turns on the shower all the way to the hottest setting, before turning around and putting his hands on his hips.

“Towels, clothes, shampoo. There’s soap in there already and take as long as you want. Sit in here for three days if you have to just- do-do whatever you have to do and-”

You pick up the bottle of shampoo, the lavender scented Pantene, the one that you’ve been using since you were fifteen. And you know, you know that Eren’s atrocious ass uses a three in one hair and conditioner so it’s not his.

“Eren.”

“Hm?”

“Did you just happen to have the brand of shampoo that I use?”

“N-no. Those are Lana’s.”

“Then why are they unopened?” you ask, giving him a smirk.

He glares at you, before rolling his eyes and holding your face. And now he’s leaning so close, so close that your lips are only a few feet away from yours, when he talks.

“You know why you can’t make fun of me for keeping a spare of your shampoos in my house?” he whispers, green eyes burning in yours.

“Why?” you whisper back, stomach lurching.

“Because you’re actually here. I knew you’d come back to me.” he responds, giving your cheek a pinch before walking out.

And when you watch him walk out, giving you one last smile before he shuts the door, you can’t help but roll your eyes. Typical Eren. Funny, irritating, and soft all in one.

He’s the same as you left him.

You pad out of the shower, Eren’s hoodie and sweatpants ridiculously huge on you, as you follow the sweet smell into the kitchen. Eren is leaned over the counter, sliding vegetables into two bowls of ramen as you walk in.

“Hey.”

“Hi. Took a while. Thought you died in there.” Eren responds, pressing his hands to your skin to test how warm they were.

“I almost wish I did.” you respond, laughing.

Except Eren doesn’t find it funny and instead he’s dropping the utensils and standing at your side.

“Y/N.”

“I was joking!”

“Nothing about that was funny. Don’t ever joke about that.” he responds, rummaging through the drawers at your side before pulling out a little tube of gel.

Eren taps the top of the counter, which you jump onto, before he takes his place in between your legs. His hands are focused on reading the instructions, forehead all scrunched up in concentration.

“What’s that?”

“It’s like this…scar ointment or whatever. Helps things heal better, I want to use it on that cut on your pretty face.” he responds, twisting it open and squirting some on his finger.

He brings his hands to your face, eyes intently focused on your cheek. You hiss the second his finger makes contact with your skin, the tingling sensation catching you off guard.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I know it hurts.” he whispers, smothering the cold gel down the side of your eye.

“I-I fell on the pavement. My knees are pretty bad too, Eren.” you whisper, which he nods at.

After he finishes, he’s carefully sliding the ends of your pants off and carefully placing the ointment on each of the jagged marks on your legs. And you eye the bowls of ramen at your side - knowing instantly that the one without mushrooms is yours - and reach for the food. The broth is so warm it soothes the aching feeling in your throat, still seasoned to perfection the way Eren always makes it.

“Eren.”

“Hm?”

“Can I ask you a weird question?”

“Sure.”

“Are you and Lana dating?”

He looks up from your leg and gives you a devilish smirk. And then starts laughing. Like full on, crouched over, tears from his eyes laughing.

“Okay. It wasn’t that funny.” you murmur, rubbing your hands against the warm bowl and frowning.

“Oh god, Y/N. Jesus-”

“It’s a normal question! She lives with you, you trusted her to come get me, and you guys have a picture together in the hallway.”

“Are you jealous?” he asks, standing up and leaning straight into your space.

“Absolutely not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“You don’t need to get all embarrassed. Watching you kiss Ricky James made me want to break something, preferably his neck.”

You swallow hard at the mention of Ricky again, the thought of him and what happened was so far away because you were with Eren. In his space, in your shared bubble, after so long. And he catches on too fast because he’s already profusely apologizing.

“Hey. I didn’t mean to bring him up, I-I’m not trying to push you into telling me what happened it’s just-”

“No. No, Eren. It’s okay. I know. I-”

You breathe in hard and put the bowl of ramen down and reach for his hands instead. You keep your eyes focused on them - on the little mole on his left hand, the feeling of his knuckles underneath your fingers, and on him squeezing your hands three times before you start talking.

“Ricky and I were faking the relationship for PR. Since London Boy and all that, it was Danny and Sareen’s idea. That-that’s why I stopped talking to you, I-I felt bad. And I was ashamed that I was even doing it, I-I don’t know. The Little Women press and all that, it would just get people to stream and talk. Make me a triple threat. And then today, I- He told me he liked me. And I said I couldn’t do that right now. That I don’t like him back. I went to take out the trash because it was so awkward and then I was going to go home but he- he locked me out. And when I asked to come back in, he repeated the same words to me. That he couldn’t do that right now.”

Eren lifts your hands, still locked with his, and presses a kiss to the top of your knuckles, as you continue. His lips burn your skin, still.

“I was out there and it-it was cold. And then I heard the cars and I saw seven paparazzi trucks, right on the porch. Ricky, his address isn’t leaked. No-no one knew I was there or that he was but they all showed up, right when I was out there and-”

“He called them, didn’t he?” Eren asks, his tone so harsh, so unyielding that it almost doesn’t sound like him.

“Yeah. And I ran, for so long. I- they got a picture. A few, I know they did and I was just so, so scared that I was going to be out there forever, that I was all alone and they were just going to-”

Eren reaches forward, wrapping you in his arms for what feels like the fiftieth time tonight, but you welcome it. Focus on his heart beating under your ear, running your fingers over his fish tattoo on his bicep, and on his soft, steady breaths.

“Eren.”

“Hm.”

“You didn’t say anything. What are you thinking about?”

“What I’m thinking isn’t productive for you to know right now.”

You look up at him, giving him a questioning look.

“Drop it, Y/N.”

“No. Tell me. I’m sure you’re mad and all but-”

“Mad? I’m fucking furious, I’m livid. That he fucking locked you out and left you in the cold. You-you could have been seriously hurt. You are hurt. And not only that, the fucking paparazzi. You-you ran in the cold, you fell, you can’t stop crying and-and- I’m going to kill this asshole when I see him next because it’s his fault you’re feeling like this.”

“Eren.”

“No. Shut up, Y/N. I’m being serious. I-I don’t like seeing you like this and don’t tell me not to. He hurt you. It’s that simple.”

You deflate, knowing Eren too well to know that he won’t drop this. Especially when he’s overly passionate, deep in the feeling right now.

“Okay. But can you just be here for me right now? I need you here and not all….tense and mad. B-Be soft. And warm.”

He stops, the frustration in his forehead dissolving as he takes a breath and smiles at you. Not fully, but it does the job.

“Okay. I can do that. Let’s watch Fruits Basket. And then go to bed.”

“You hate Fruits Basket.”

“But I love you. Enough to watch your weird bestiality adjacent show and pretend to like it.”

You smile and he reaches forward to pinch your cheeks.

“Look at that smile. There she is. There’s my sweet girl.” he whispers, voice all tangled in his throat.

You wake up to an empty bed, Eren’s side cold. And you pull his hoodie on before padding downstairs to find Eren’s phone pressed to his ear. He gives you a wave and points to the plate - a mix of eggs, french toast, and fruits - perfectly placed to perfection.

You give him a smile and he walks off, taking the phone with him. You frown as you watch him disappear, jabbing your fork through the cantaloupe.

What is he talking about that’s so important he doesn’t want you to hear?

You jump off of the stool and quietly pad towards the direction he walked, hiding in the hallway. He’s leaning against the wall, staring at the picture right across - one of Levi and Hange kissing your cheeks at the vow renewal - and angle yourself to hear his words.

“Is he okay?”

“I’m glad. You tell me if you need anything else, okay?”

“Okay, Coco. I missed you too, yeah?”

Who the fuck is Coco?

He hangs up and you immediately scramble back to the kitchen, trying your best to stay inconspicuous as he comes back and gives you a smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes, the expression on his face almost tired.

“Hey sleepyhead. You okay?”

“Mhm. Food is really good, Eren.”

He gives you a smile as he sits at your side, eyes focused on you as you eat your food. He places both of your phones in front of you, and you spot yours with nearly a hundred notifications. But when you reach for it, Eren grabs your hand in the air and locks it on his own instead.

“Just-wait. Eat first.” he says, his tone hollow.

You turn your head to the side and take in Eren’s expression, downtrodden and uncharacteristically unexpressive. The complete opposite of Eren yesterday - moony eyes and soft smiles.

“Eren.”

“Y/N. If I ask you to do this for me, can you trust me and listen?”

“No. You-what’s wrong? You’re being weird.” you ask, reaching for his hand.

He looks over, the look indiscernible, as he leans forward and presses a kiss to your cheek.

“You-I took care of most of it, okay? Levi and Hange are coming. Just, don’t panic. You-it’s okay.”

“Eren. You’re scaring me. Just tell me.”

He takes a deep breath, cracking the knuckles in your hand as he nervously talks.

“You-your pictures leaked. The ones of you running last night. And-and people started speculating really fast - wondering why you were running and crying on the night your album released instead of celebrating it. And-and then Ricky, he tweeted a bunch of things.”

You pale. And reach for your phone, which Eren stops again.

“They’re lies. Obviously. You don’t need to read them, not yet. And Lana told me she’s ready to back you up, whatever you want, when you need it. But, that’s not-”

“What, Eren? Just spit it out.” you respond, frantically.

“They- Ricky’s fans are mad at you. They’re sending you death threats.”

“Oh.”

You deflate, staring at the cold mess of breakfast on your plate. Death threats. Hate, you’re no stranger too. Of people commenting on your looks, how bad your singing is, how lame you are. But wishing you were dead? Full on, unbothered and cursing your existence?

“And not just you, but your family too.” he whispers, watching your face fall.

Your family. Your parents, Colt, Falco-

“Excuse me. What did you just say?

Eren doesn’t respond and the tears fall immediately from your eyes, hot and angry as he reaches forward, immediately swiping them away. His expression's pained, he knows this all too well.

“I sent your family a security detail. Don’t worry. Colt was only minorly injured and-”

You stand up and grab Eren’s shirt, bundling the fabric into a fist in your hands, as you glare at him.

“Injured? What the fuck do you mean injured, Eren?”

He sighs, lifting his hands to move yours, and hold them. You’re still clenching hard, so hard you’re sure you’re drawing blood, but he’s doing his best to uncurl your hands as he talks.

“They threw a brick through the window. And the glass, Colt was sitting right there. I was just on the phone with Falco, he said he’s doing better. The security detailing has medical so you don’t have to worry about that again and they’re both okay and-”

“No part of this is okay, Eren! Quit saying it’s okay when it’s not! They almost killed my brothers.”

“Y/N.”

“No. No, this is horrible, Eren. They-they don’t do any of this stuff. Falco’s barely thirteen. And Colt - he’s going to college. He’s not a celebrity, he’s not a singer, he’s just a student. How is he supposed to go out after this? Why- how is it supposed to be normal? And now, they’re going to be like us. They’re going to feel like they’re trapped in this fucking suffocating ass fish bowl and everyone’s watching and laughing at them and they just-”

“Y/N. Stop. It’s not going to-”

“Falco’s too soft for this. He’s just a kid, Eren. I can’t- no. This isn’t fair. Eren, they didn’t even do anything. They’re literally just related to me, they just love me and they’re getting hurt because of it. You- you’re probably getting dragged in the mud too. Everyone who helps me gets subjected to this, loving me comes with this big thing behind me and I can’t even keep people who get it with me. I let you go when you were the only person who understood and I messed it all up and got myself involved with Ricky James of all people and-”

“Y/N. Stop. Please."

You sit flat on Eren’s floor, head in your hands, and cry, teardrops falling straight onto the floor. And Eren’s sitting there with you, with your big mess of jumbled feelings and mistakes, and trying his best to help you with it.

That’s how Levi and Hange find you two, after pocketing the spare key Eren told them about. After he insistently called them and payed for a private jet, going on and on about how Y/N needed them. And here you two are, despite their original conceived notions that you two were fighting, on the floor, in each other’s arms.

“Some things never change, huh?” Hange whispers.

“Yeah. They keep fucking crying every time we see them.” he whispers back.

Between Levi and Hange - Jean, Mikasa, and Connie who make it out that night - and Eren and Lana, they fix things. Most things.

Ricky’s narrative about you is clear cut - half-true and half-fake. Your team forced him to date you and defend you for PR purposes, after the Girlfriend incident. There was an agreement that you two would write certain songs, make certain appearances, and support each other.

But then Ricky turns the gate. Says that you’ve deeply, severely hurt him. That you led him on, that you used him to boost your own ego, and that you were dangerously obsessed with fame and not him. That you were all things - heartless, fake, that he doubted if you were even a real person. A glorious pop-star, empty and hollow on the inside.

And people jump on it fast. Citing the fact that you would throw away your friendship with Historia to be famous, that you stopped dating Eren when he stopped being successful, that you can go to tours but not to Mikasa or Jean’s birthday parties.

The worst part? Ricky lied, but the things they pointed out were true. Every mistake you make is on display and that people make it a point to draw attention o it. That you really were in too deep, too deep into pleasing Sareen and Danny, and being a triple threat that you forgot that they were all there too.

Eren, especially. Sweet, sweet Eren who saved you, who held you when you needed him.

You look over at him and Lana, the two of them very aggressively debating how to use their last turn of their daily Wordle, and feel your heart deflate.

You dropped the ball. You’ll never make it up to him.

Lana, in her infinite kindness, has chosen to share her own story, as a corroboration for yours. That Ricky taunted, mocked, and harassed her the entire time they were dating. That you're anything but the things he says. Because she’s had enough and she’ll do it to help out her Tinky-Winky. (Much to Eren’s dismay, he hates that you’re both becoming closer as time goes on.)

And to complement the announcement, Lana asked for one thing. To go out in style. You wrote a song with her and promised her that she was going to be the lead actress in the music video. A girl rage moment, like The Man. Danny and Sareen approve the move, making no comments or concerns about anything else that happened, and ask to be involved when the time comes.

You sit on it for a few days. Till you’re ready. But where you are now - with these people - needs to stay for a little longer. Before you brace everything again.

“Yo.”

You smile, opening up space for Connie on the couch for you.

“Hi Con.”

“Deep in your thoughts there, princess. Thinking about how your album is about to go Multi-Platinum?”

“No. Just the entire thing.” you respond, frowning.

Connie rolls his eyes, reaching forward to squish your cheeks way too hard.

“Ricky, when I catch you, Ricky-” Connie says under his breath,

You snort, reaching forward to push Connie off. You focus back on Eren and Lana, who are now pulling each other's hair and a nice string of insults, as Mikasa and Levi brew their tea, entirely unbothered in the back.

And when the screen in front of you flashes, when your third album goes Multi-Platinum after a week of being released, they’re all climbing on you. Jean and Mikasa are hollering in the back, Connie and Lana are jostling you in the air and pressing kisses to your cheek, and Eren, Levi, and Hange smile at you, the three of them enveloped in their own hug, across the way.

You split your separate ways at the end of the week, when you’re ready. Connie, Jean, and Mikasa return to set, Lana and Eren are gone with the wind, and Levi and Hange disappear again.

When you sit on your plane back home, it sits in. How lonely this entire thing is. How a week full of your friends who love you only happened because of this sickening thing. That it's not a given, that they're presence is only in the bad times and almost never the good.

Your phone buzzes in your lap and you pick up your phone to read the notification.

eren: don’t be a stranger. fish like to swim in schools, not alone.

It’s something that rings in your mind, time and time again. When everyone else wins the war, when you keep performing and letting them take and take, for the sake of the work. For the art, for your dream.

And when you give up acting, singing, and dancing at the end of it all and make zero intentions to ever do any of this again, the question still bothers you.

If fish like to swim in schools, why did Eren push you so far away? Why was he so intent on swimming alone? Where you couldn't follow?

eren: I'm not saying that for you. and I know that this is selfish but...

eren: I need you just as much as you need me.

Fucking liar.

next part linked here

taglist:

@k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @squirrelspoetry @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp @gojojang @yookayyo @lordbugs @multiplefandomthings @iobeyfandoms

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dreamofjoys · 1 year

Text

𝟯𝗞 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡𝗧 ; 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗗𝗔𝗥𝗞 𝗙𝗔𝗘'𝗦 𝗕𝗟𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗡𝗚

Summary: Thrown into a world full of magic, you find yourself surrounded by a bunch of high school boys who knows nothing but to bring trouble and chaos. While you struggle to cope with learning about a brand new world where magic is of essence, something that you lack, you started questioning why was it you who fell into twisted wonderland. Was someone behind this? Was it all just a coincidence that you fell into this world? And most importantly, why you? To find these answers to your questions, you were constantly thrown into near death experiences that did little to nothing to aid in your investigations. Anger, sadness and doubts starts to manifest as you wonder if you will ever be able to find a way back home. However, new friendships were forged, and love has started to blossom inside you like spring. In the end, it was all love that has guided you to where you are now.

— pairing: Malleus draconia x fem reader (soulmate au)

— content info: sfw, might have some sensitive topics here and there but will indicate at the top of the post, diasomnia chapter spoilers

— a/n: To celebrate reaching 3000 followers, I have decided to write a series for my one and only husband, Malleus! Recent chapter updates about Diasomnia has been pretty wholesome and heart breaking. Therefore, I wanted to write something nice for our big boy. Most of my followers are from twisted wonderland, so I hope that this fic reaches out to them. It's been a long time (3 years to be exact) since I have dedicated myself to write a series for a character. It's going to be a long and painful journey for me but I really hope to complete this (despite my busy schedule). To all the Malleus's fans out there who are searching for any crumbs, I hope this is enough for you <3

— update schedule: I aim to update once a week, or maybe twice if I am lucky enough. This series will probably take a long time to complete, and I am forcing myself to write ahead of the schedule cause it's very lengthy. I seek everyone's understanding to not rush me to complete / upload them asap.

— first full chapter will be uploaded on 15 july 2023

— tag list will be opened for this! please comment to indicate your interest

Consolidation of All chapters (will update list as time goes by)

— Prologue ; A fragment of my memory

— Chapter 1 ; Walking upon a dream

— Chapter 2 ; Intruders

— Chapter 3 ;

If your user is tagged here, means you are in the taglist

— @randomfangirl2718 , @mell7 , @windalchemist001 , @mxaaii , @sailorenthusiast , @masquerade-of-misery , @rayroseu , @lychiikuma , @bannuu , @worldussysblog , @jnksgrl , @rincommittedarsin , @nooneknows8976 , @qmabailor

#twisted wonderland #malleus draconia #dreamofjoystwst #imagines #y/n #diasomnia #twst malleus #twst x reader #malleus hcs #malleus x reader #twisted wonderland malleus #twst malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader #malleus x yuu #malleus x you

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lokisprettygirl · 1 year

Text

Under his influence (Post Avengers! Loki x female reader)

Read chapter 3 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 4

Summary : Disastrous Dinner with your parents leads to a small quarrel between you two.

Warning: Smoking, mention of recreational drug use, insecurities, a bit of angst, not so great parenting , 4.5 k words

After your mom left you immediately took a shower to cool down a little bit, it was 10 am and you had plenty of time to prepare for the evening.

He went to the bathroom after you and when he came out you could feel him staring at you but he wasn't saying anything.

"What?" You looked at him so he averted his gaze and pretended to read his book. "Gotta call my boss, i don't think I can go to work today"

You mumbled as you dialed the manager's number and put it on speaker phone because you wanted to paint your toenails.

"Hiii Mark it's y/n" you said cheerfully and you heard him grumbling in response. Just great

"I just ..uhh wanted to tell you that I won't be able to make it today, sooo"

"Whyyyyy?"

"Uhhh it's a family emergency"

"You can't just take a leave out of nowhere, you have to inform way beforehand, " he said, clearly sounding upset. Did he understand the meaning of emergency? Doofus

"Yeah I would have but it's umm I don't think you heard me right. I said that my family's car was hit by a bulldozer and some of them were still in it. And now they're in an emergency ward so I have to go see them..see you tomorrow byee" you tapped on your head in frustration as you hung up "Argggghh I hate this day already"

Also, why did you have to keep the phone on the speaker?

"So your mother seem ..a bit ahhh –" you found him to struggling to form a complete sentence which wasn't like him at all.

"Overbearing?"

"That. Yes. That"

"She is like that, but she means well"

His brows furrowed as you said that. He was finding it a tad harder to believe.

"Okay, we need to make a man, asap" you said to him as you tightly closed the bottle of the nail paint after you were done using it. He laughed in response because he thought you were joking.

"Darling, I promise it can not be Asap. I mean it would take months for him to grow in your womb before he's birthed and–" he stopped talking as you gave him the look that he had learned to understand as a sign for Stop right now. You sighed as you stood up and went down on your knees in front of him, you placed your hands on his thighs and the position made him gulp.

"I want you to be my boyfriend" his eyes flickered as you said that.

"Ohhhhh?"

"Just for the evening" you clarified it immediately. God you hoped he didn't think of you as some midgardian desperate creep.

"Oh"

"Will you do it for me please?"

"I uhhh–"

"Pleaseee please do it .. please I'm begging you Loki please I'll do anything you'd ask please " you joined your palms together and begged him to just help you out. You didn't really have to beg he thought, you saved his arse, he would walk right into the sun if you'd ask him to.

"I just..never have been a boyfriend before "

"You said you had relationships "

"What is the correlation here?"

"Huh?" He sighed as you failed to understand him.

"I just don't want to ruin this evening which I am sensing- is already a very stressful affair for you" he mumbled as he placed his elbows down on his thighs to rest his chin in the palms of his hand.

"You won't ruin it, oh no please. I'd love to have a friend while we eat dinner..a friend who actually likes me..you know" your eyes teared up so he cupped your cheeks and leaned forward to press a soft kiss on your forehead. That gesture made you feel so warm but you wished you had more time to relish in this feeling.

"I am very fond of you my darling" he mumbled softly. The words made the butterflies go crazy in your stomach. Okay so you were attracted to him which you had already figured by the intense feeling you kept having where you wanted to fuck him all the time, there was the bubbling scorching heat between you two and you also wanted to cuddle him all the time now, all of these things combined together looked bad when you considered how he was literally unattainable. A fucking prince, he was a god that you couldn't even dream of having. He probably wouldn't even look twice at you if you were in a crowded room full of all the beautiful women in the world, women that he probably deserved to have.

Everyone kept telling you that you had higher standards for yourself but then he must have them too right? You weren't it unfortunately.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yess" you stood up and jumped around a little in excitement.

"Oh wait butt oh no.. they can't see you..my mom will recognise you, she's obsessed with you..but in a very bad way"

"She is?"

"Yeah she hates you "

"I figured that..umm do not worry about that. I'll take care of this" he pointed towards his face so you went down on your knees again. You had to stop doing this in front of him because one of these times he'd forget to enchant his cock to not get hard in a jiffy.

"But .. I don't want anyone else there, I want you, I mean. I like this face..it's such a loki looking face that I like" he chuckled as you said that. Sometimes your words hardly made any sense and that's exactly why he adored them so much.

"How about I change my hair and the color of my eyes, maybe get a bit of facial hair, the face stays" you tilted your head as he said that.

"That could work besides there's no way she'd think that you're him with all those modifications you know..oh that's a great idea. Well I'm going to cook now..by the way can I paint your toenails afterwards? You have such pretty toes" you got up from the floor again so he looked down at his feet.

"Noooo" he yelled, making you giggle but now another thing was starting to bother you.

"Wait a second!! You don't have clothes, I need to get you earth people clothes"

"Yes I was troubled by that thought" He did have a suit he had stolen from a midgardian shop when he visited Thor a few years prior after he was banished but for some reason the idea of putting it on again disgusted him. And he couldn't have worn his famous Terrorist from Asgard terrorising Stuttgart overcoat either for obvious reasons.

"Oh no I have to go get it for you then ..it's 11 already and I have to make dinner, and dessert also and oh my god it's so dirty around here, what I'm gonna doooo??" he walked towards as you started to freak out again.

"Now let us pause for a moment here. Take a deep breath for me, can you?" He told you as he grabbed your shoulders to calm you down.

"Okayy..okay..i'm just freaking out" you took a deep breath in order to not pass out right this moment.

"You go purchase the attire for me and I will tidy up the space until then. That is alright?" He asked you so you hugged him tightly, his arms instantly wrapped around your waist as if it was the most natural state in the world, breathing in the scent of your hair he sighed deeply.

He really needed to get a grip. A woman like you deserved a man so noble and not a hideous looking frost giant like him whose moral compass has broken a long time ago. You have waited so long for the man of your dreams and he could never be it for you.

"I'll be back soon"

It took you two hours to find something decent for him to wear, you even had to buy a pair of shoes for him, you saw a bunch of cute t-shirts so you bought that as well. You heard the shower running when you came back from the mall, you couldn't even recognise your apartment. It looked beautiful. First of all it was clean, ofcourse. But he had done something with the lighting as well, it seemed fancier, like a classy restaurant, and it smelled really good too. He had also filled the space with a much needed furniture you didn't have.

There was an elegant looking table right in front of the kitchenette. Bonus point? It also had chairs, you had chairs in your apartment.

The bed was covered in a beautiful satin sheet. Asgardian sheet. He also had that sofa all cleaned up, it looked brand new.

You put the shopping bags down on the sofa as your eyes circled around again. When he entered the room you immediately ran towards him to hug him, momentarily forgetting that he was naked from the waist up and dripping wet.

"This is.. gorgeous..you're like a sorcerer" you mumbled as you pulled away from him and took a few steps back, he was freezing cold. He smiled as he walked closer and wiped the droplets of water from your cheeks, the ones you had gotten by hugging onto his naked wet chest so tightly.

"I'm a sorcerer " he giggled and it made your heart grow ten times larger.

"Thank you Loki, you have no idea what you have done for me" your eyes teared up and so did his, but then again you didn't have time to enjoy this moment, they would be here in like three hours, you also had to get ready.

He tried to help you in the kitchen as much as he could but he wasn't really helping plus the heat bothered him a lot so you made him sit down on the sofa, he had done enough already and you were very grateful for that.

After cooking and assembling the cutleries on the table which again was the courtesy of your alien friend, you put on a dress and finished your makeup. You looked good for a change, the black dress complimented your dark soul. It always did.

You looked at him as he got himself dressed too, you didn't want to go overboard with his attire, there was a dark green jacket because you remembered that to be his favorite color, a plain black t shirt underneath with a tight fitted trouser. For some reason you knew he wasn't the denim jeans type of alien god.

His tush looked extremely good in those pants but that's not what shocked you, it was the change in his appearance. He kept his face but his hair was no longer raven, it was light brown and shorter, you could finally see the back of his neck and it was as smooth as the rest of his skin, his eyes were hazel brown, light freckles adorned his nose and cheeks. The finishing touch was the golden tan on his skin and that I haven't shaved in a week stubble. Even though he had the same face he didn't look like himself. He actually reminded you of that guy from that one King Kong movie you couldn't remember the name of.

"This okay? Or do I resemble my oaf brother a little too much" He asked you so you smiled.

"You look very handsome mister" And hot, and sexy, delicious.

A nervous laughter escaped his throat at the compliment.

"And you my lady, you look–-" before he could finish his words you heard the buzzer going off so you hurriedly stepped towards the door and got them in. You felt anxious and awkward like always, having dinner with four people where you didn't really like the three of them was not your idea of fun. As you opened the door you saw your mom and her husband David first so you hugged her and your step father gave you a side hug.

"Welcome to my humble abode" you chuckled as they stepped in, then you met his daughters from hell, his perfect little princesses, the elder one was named Chelsea, she was a year younger than you and married. Ofcourse because she was just perfect like that. You weren't expecting her to bring her husband Shawn though.

"Wow i didn't know husbands were coming" you mumbled as you hugged her and your mom glared at you.

The younger sister Courtney gave you cheek kisses. Pretentious bitch. She was just 25 but obviously more accomplished and much more successful in her career according to your mother.

As they all stepped inside you noticed them looking around, they had never been here before.

"Wow, this is so tiny and adorable, you know when daddy said you were renting a studio apartment i thought it'd be bigger" Courtney said and you resisted the urge to poke her eyes out.

"It's actually bigger than most studio apartments, I'm actually not supposed to have that whole window area, default in their infrastructure, goodie goodie for me" you felt everyone's eyes on you so you stopped talking immediately, turned around and walked towards Loki, you grabbed his arm and decided to introduce him to everyone, most of them looked shocked but atleast your mother was smiling from ear to ear.

"This is uhh.." oh god you didn't think of a name. Ofcourse you didn't. You see Perfect Chelsea over there would have thought of a name.

"Mark, this is Mark Johnson..he's an auditor for the ..uhhh Marks and Spencers" they smiled at him as you introduced him. No, that name didn't sound fake at all. Nope.

"Hello Mrs. Umm –" he looked at your mother. Wow you two really should have discussed this part a little more. Like for real.

"Used to be something else now she's Mrs Jackson" you told him so he gave your mom a hug. She looked at you as she hugged him and mumbled a wow behind his back which made you want to die from embarrassment.

You didn't want to waste much time so you all sat down for dinner. The problem was he only made six chairs, and there were 7 of you. Gee, No thanks husband Shawn.

"You sit down okay?" You made Loki sit down so he grabbed your arm and scooted a little to the side, one of his buttocks was hanging in the air but he didn't care, he didn't want you to feel left out at your own family dinner.

As you sat down next to him, well almost onto him, everyone cooed. It's not as if you weren't getting used to being squished against him.

"So i noticed the accent, are you a London boy Mr. Mark" you wanted to hurl at the way Courtney was looking at him.

"Uhh yes, England" You took a sip of the wine you had in front of you, for the god of lies, he wasn't really good at living up to that status.

"So you're here on business? How did you two meet?" Your mom asked you so this time you answered instead.

"Ohh he's a member at the gym I work for" you smiled.

"Why do I feel like I have seen you somewhere?" Your mom squinted her eyes and it made you nervous.

"Ohh he looks like that guy from that movie.. I don't remember..the one with the big burly ape" you agreed as Shawn said that. Well thanks Shawn

"Ohhhh yeah..yeah you're right"

"So auditing? You like that job, son?" David asked him. Oh!! he's not your son David. No no considering his age, David was the son, his father was the son, his grandfather was the son. Why couldn't you just stop having thoughts for once?

"No. I don't know what that is actually" he chuckled and then you heard them all laughing in unison. You did too before you glared at him,

"Wow, good looking and funny. By the way, raise your glasses everyone.. I have an announcement" Courtney grabbed her glass of wine and took a deep breath before she proceeded to speak.

"I got the job in London..ahhhh" she squealed as she celebrated herself and everyone then squealed for her, she worked for an embassy or something, you never cared to find out. Your mother did remind you now and again as how it could have been you if you'd have been a little sincere about your life.

"Ohh honey congratulations, that's amazing, I'm sooo proud of you" your mom said to her so you smiled in disbelief.

"Okay okay..i have a news too. We have a news" Chelsea said as she smiled from ear to ear and looked at her husband "So I'm not drinking wine because I'm abstaining, I lied sorry.. hint hint" She pointed towards her belly and the whole world gasped for her.

"Call Odin and ask him if he heard the gasps" you mumbled in his ear and he bit on his cheek to stop himself from smiling. She was pregnant ofcourse. They all hugged her and congratulated the lovely couple, so did you, you had no other choice.

"Both of our daughters make me so happy sweetie" David's eyes teared up as he held your mother's hand.

"I am so proud of them"

After the happiness died down a little, Courtney looked at you.

"So y/n you're a trainer at the gym right..don't they like pay very less?"

"It actually depends on my competence and how many clients I can get in a month," you said to her. No you didn't miss the snark, you just wanted to ignore it.

"Oh.. so less huh"

God you hated her.

"Shoot i am out" David said as he opened the box of his cigarettes.

"Oh honey" your mom comforted him and then she glared at you as Courtney made another comment.

"Y/n smokes, just ask her for one dad"

"It was just that one time.."

You tried to defend yourself but your mom cut you off as she shook her head in disappointment.

"Look if you have it, just be a good hostess and give one to him" she said to you so you were about to get up but Loki stopped you.

"I'll get it darling. I found it while cleaning" he said to you so you smiled, as he walked towards the closet you wondered what he meant, what did he find? As he returned he passed the lighter to David along with that fucking joint you couldn't find yesterday.

"Uhhh this is not..is this weed?"

You stood up and snatched it from his hand. Loki felt mortified now, maybe he should have asked first if your stepfather wanted to smoke weed or something else. He really should have thought a little harder about it.

"It's not mine, it's a friend's" you mumbled so your mom looked at you.

"Oh sweetie, are you in the wrong company again?" She questioned and you immediately denied. You felt overwhelmed now, you just wanted to go cry in your bathroom.

"I apologise darling, i had no clue what he wanted" he whispered in your ear so you sighed. He just wanted to help.

"It's fine..it's okay " you told him, you didn't want him to feel bad about this even though you felt completely mortified now.

"So what are your plans for marriage?" The wine came out of your nose as your mom questioned Loki.

"Mommm" you glared at her and gestured to cut it out but ofcourse she ignored the cue.

"I'm just asking, you two make a cute couple..what do you guys think?" She looked around the table for approval.

"Ohhh yess hook him in y/n before you lose this one too" Courtney cackled like a witch. Loki felt awful, these people reminded him of those bilgesnipes, all ready to pounce and attack you for no reason. He felt something grazing over his shin so he looked under the table and saw a bunch of toes rubbing against him. It belonged to one of your sisters.

"She's touching me" he whispered in your ear so you looked under the table and she stopped immediately.

"Marriage is such a beautiful thing, it just makes me sad that y/n is going to be in her thirties now and she's still..so lonely" Chelsea gave you a sad look making you scoff in response.

"But I'm happy.. and I don't really care alright?"

"Well you should care honey, when you're sixty and alone with no-one to take care of you you'll regret this attitude" your eyes teared up as your mother chimed in. You saw your step sisters smiling and passing glances to each other.

"Didn't you marry twice?" Loki asked your mother so you glared at him and asked him to cut it out.

"Excuse me?" Your mom had the typical look of disapproval now. You could just tell she didn't really like him any longer.

"You married her father and it must not have worked very well since you are married to this gentleman here now?" He asked her again so you facepalmed.

"But that's life, that happens, sometimes things don't work out between two people, there are several different reasons why people get divorced" she raised her voice a little and you could feel everything getting out of your hand now.

"Well pardon my interference but perhaps she doesn't want that to happen to her as well, maybe she wants to spend her life with someone who would be there for every reason and not only for a season" your mom gave him a death glare as he said that and so did you. The tension in the room kept on piling up.

He could tell you were upset with him for opening his big mouth today.

After the dinner and dessert ended, you were hoping for them to just leave, you had no energy to take more insults.

"Sooo we are going to be here for two days, let's go somewhere tomorrow" your mom hugged you as she spoke so you hummed in agreement "And lose this one, he's not the type of man who is going to marry you" she said to you as she pulled away.

"Yeah? Why do you think that?" You chuckled but it was because of the frustration you were feeling in the moment.

"Look at him honey. Don't be such a fool, men like him don't settle for women like us, he's just having his fun I can tell" you nodded as she said that. Once they all left you shut the main door with a force and then you turned around to glare at him.

"Y/n i –"

"You could have just kept your mouth shut you know"

"I didn't intend to disrespect her, she just--"

"What were you trying to do then huh? Do you know how hard that divorce was on her? On me?" Your eyes welled up as you questioned him. That comment your mom made was the last nail in the coffin and unfortunately she wasn't here to bear the brunt of it so you took it out on him.

"I am sorry, please don't be upset darling" he mumbled softly but you were too angry to care right now.

"I'm not your darling, giving him the roll of weed wasn't enough for you huh? God I wish you weren't here today, it's all my fault" his eyes filled with tears as you said that. A part of you knew you were misdirecting your anger and frustration on him but you still couldn't stop, you wished you would have though because the look on his face bothered you a lot, you never wanted to see him look so sad and that too because of you.

You scurried towards the bathroom and then the tears couldn't stop coming, your step sisters were younger and better than you and they were living their best lives while nothing turned your life around no matter how much you worked for it, they were accomplishing everything they had dreamt of while several of your dreams had already been shattered, you had successfully wasted half of your life so far and accomplished nothing. Your mother probably wished for a daughter like them and that's why she found love in David again.

When you came out, he looked at you with a worried look on his face, he still had the same clothes on but he was back to looking like himself. Did you really just tell him that you wished he wasn't here after everything he had done for you today? God, you felt like a selfish asshole. No wonder you didn't have anyone in life that you could actually count on.

"Do you want me to disappear?" He asked you and you suddenly felt so anxious.

"No. I'm sorry..I'm so sorry Loki" as you started to sob he walked towards you and hugged you as tightly as he could, that was it for you in that moment, you broke down and cried until you couldn't cry any more.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it, please don't go, i ..you're the only true friend I have..the best one i have ever had, and you were so good to me today, so sweet and I'm so sorry lo" you pulled away to look at him so he cupped your cheeks and kissed your forehead.

"I'm sorry I ruined the feast with my callousness" you smiled as he said that. He wasn't being callous, he just wanted to defend you. What a sweet sweet man.

"Well it's not as if it was going any better before..so I'm not really sorry about it" he kissed your forehead again and you just wanted to kiss him, it took everything to not clash your lips against his in that moment.

"You don't deserve to be treated in such a manner, you went through such pain today to make this enjoyable for them and you don't deserve anyone hurting you like that, none of the things they said hold true whatsoever" he said to you softly.

"You don't either Loki, I'm sorry it was me who hurt you today but I never want to be such a jerk to you again" he smiled at the statement.

"I understand, I have had my fair share of outbursts to comprehend that it didn't come from a place of malice but mere frustration and it wasn't intended for me" he mumbled and it made you smile. God he really was a dreamboat.

"Thank you Loki for everything you did today. You have no idea how much I appreciate you being here for me right now, i really do"

You hugged him again and took a deep breath, his hugs and sweet words really made you feel better than before. He was your friend, you loved having him as your friend. You looked up at him and the look in his eyes made you aware of the close proximity so you stepped away a little, he placed his hands inside the pocket of his pants to avoid the awkwardness but he had something in there so he took it out.

"What is it?"

"Something one of your sisters shoved into the pocket when we greeted each other" he said as he passed the slip to you. It was her phone number. What a bitch.

"Burn it down"

"Yes madam" you smiled as he said that.

"Umm..I'll go sleep, I'm tired" you mumbled as turned around and stepped towards the closet to take your pyjamas out.

"Uhh..What can I do to make you feel better?" he asked you, so you sighed.

"Nothing i– " Well actually "There's something you can do" you gave him a mischievous smile and he sighed as he understood what you wanted from him.

That's how he ended up on the sofa with you sitting on the floor with his feet resting on your thighs while you painted his toenails the same colour as yours.

"So pretty" you giggled as you finished the one leg and it warmed his heart. It was unbearable for him to see that hurt look on your face throughout the evening, knowing that there were people in the world who hurt you like that made his heart clench, he just wanted you to not feel that way like ever. He wanted to keep you protected.

"Maybe tomorrow we can do your makeup" you said nonchalantly making him tilt his head in response.

"How about no?" He responded and you feigned a look of disappointment.

At night he slept in that bed of yours, his sad brows were faster than your resistance today. You couldn't sleep though. You kept wondering if he'd come cuddle you but it has been an hour and he seemed asleep now. Wow this really bothered you, him not cuddling you by force like he had done in the last two days really really bothered you.

You sat up and got off from his princely bed then you took a few steps towards yours, you thought about what you were going to do for a moment. When he cuddled you, it was circumstancial, he had a nightmare the first night and then his body ached the other, you had no choice in that matter, you could have always pretended that you didn't love his cuddles but getting in the bed now would affirm that you indeed enjoyed sleeping with him like that and wanted it as much as he did.

Fuck it your cursed in your head before crawling into the bed. He was asleep but he did feel your body next to him, maybe he'd think that he was dreaming. Goddss he smelled divine.

He was lying on his side facing towards you so you sneaked your hand in the space between his neck and the pillow, he felt the invasion and instead of opening his eyes and calling you out for it he scooted closer to you instead and pressed his head down on your chest like he had done before. One of his arms went under your waist to pull you even closer while the other wrapped around you.

He embraced you as intimately as he could without it turning too sexual, this was the most intimate you had ever been with a man. Sure you had sex but even then you had several inches of distance between your bodies somehow. You hooked your legs around his waist in the usual position.

"Thank you" you mumbled softly in his ears and he hummed in response. You were thankful for him, you had known him for mere few weeks but you had never felt so strongly understood by someone.

"I'm overjoyed that you came. I just figured you needed your personal space tonight, perhaps I was mistaken " you smiled as he mumbled against your chest.

"Perhaps"

You knew it won't take you long enough to fall asleep now, you wondered if this was appropriate or not but you no longer cared for it. You also knew that you were only digging a deeper hole for yourself. Getting addicted to the feeling of cuddling him like this will only hurt you later when he won't be here with you. Your mother wasn't wrong, men like him didn't choose women like you for life but then you knew that already, didn't you?

Nothing so good could ever last forever, nothing so sweet and gentle could ever be wholly yours. Maybe you can press the stop button on this tomorrow but tonight you just wanted to indulge a little. Tonight you just wanted to live a little. Something that you haven't done for as long as you could remember.

🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶

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#loki x female reader #loki #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader #loki x reader insert #loki x reader fic #loki x you #loki x reader angst #loki fics #canon divergent au #post avengers loki

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carakook · 4 months

Text

Bloom. °˖✧✿✧˖°

“Although his tone isn’t accusing, you know what he’s really asking: ‘who the fuck is that?’”

→ Chapters list ←

⚘5. The Change in Seasons

🔞For Mature Audiences Only🔞

╔══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╗

⚘Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x fem!reader

⚘Synopsis: Six months later, Y/N is trying to cope and move on from ending things with Jungkook, and she feels she has come a long way… or maybe she’s just in denial.

⚘Genre:Forbidden love

⚘Word count: 10k+

⚘Warnings: 18+ for mature audiences only, MDNI, emotional, mentions of mild sleeping pill abuse (no overdosing, more so using sleeping pills when you’re sleeping just fine.), heavy grief, mentions of infidelity, mentions of awful coping mechanism, mentions of alcohol, mentions of sex, descriptions of nightmares, mentions of anxiety, mentions of mental health, metaphors involving religion (this story has no religious aspects just metaphors lol), let me know if I miss anything!

⚘Disclaimer: This story in no way reflects the characters of those who are mentioned. It is pure fiction and for entertainment purposes only. Please don’t take it seriously. Nothing is real in this story.

⚘A/N: Bad news: chapter 5 ended up being 21k words long after I rewrote it and I could not fit it into one post. Good news: you get chapter 6 early for this reason! I’m sorry it has taken so long to get this out, and please forgive me for any grammar mistakes, but I really wanted both of these to go out asap and around the same time. Chaper 6 is being released sometime today, it’s finished, just needs to be formatted (I need to take a break for a bit lol.) Chapter 5 now consists of basically describing how coping with the aftermath of shit went for Y/N after everything was said and done, and how her life is going now. Chapter 6 is where it gets juicy, and you will see how Jungkook attempted to cope. I really hope you enjoy this, and I appreciate how lovely you’ve all been while waiting. Also forgive me for the lack of songs listed in each chapter… again I’m sort of just wanting to get these both out asap! Love you! 💜

╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺ ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ :

♪Hate You - Jungkook

♪Space Song - Beach House

♪Jealous - Eyedress

♪Go With the Flow - Queens of the Stone Age

✧━。゜✿ฺ✿ฺ゜。━✧

Six months later.

"Y/N, I really do love you." "Suuure you do." "No, baby, I do, I always have. Wish you would stop questioning me like that." You shake your head at him, running your fingers through his hair as you do so. You know that he loves you, you stopped fighting it a while ago... but you still like to fuck with him. You like how he always is so damn persistent in letting you know that he fucking adores you. You cup his face as he remains hovered over you, both of you sweaty and smelling strongly of sex. You made love again, and it was just as beautiful as the first time. "I know, Koo, I know." You place the softest kiss on his lips, which causes his eyes to crinkle up adorably, his nose scrunching along with it. God, you really do love this man. Your flower. Your Bearded Iris. Your literal soulmate. Suddenly, you have cotton mouth, so you reach over to grab the bottle of water resting on the nightstand as he affectionately nuzzles into your bare breasts, the sheets pooling over the both of you like a satin dream. The dim lighting in your bedroom makes him glow, your golden boy. You could stare at him forever. Things are just so... peaceful. No anxious noises of the city, dark out, quiet inside other than the sounds of both of you breathing and speaking softly to each other. This is heaven, you think. Nothing gets better than this. Pure euphoria and bliss, except the bliss is no longer accompanied by guilt and the ugly green weeds made up of jealousy.

Comfortable and arm hues of red and orange fill the room thanks to the city lights filtering in and your arm bedroom lighting, much like the changing season outside. Autumn always was your favorite season, until you developed a taste for vibrant spring flowers. As you take a greedy sip of the water, you notice the potted plant on your nightstand... you don't know how you didn't notice it before. You lean up, causing him to whine and maneuver himself down, kissing your tummy sweetly. A bearded Iris, purple and white at full bloom resides in the plain white ceramic pot. You furrow your brows, reach over to touch the leafs of the flower. You can't recall how the hell it got here. "Woah... this is gorgeous, did you get it?" You question Jungkook as he continues peppering your body with kisses. "Mhm." That's it? Just 'mhm'? When did he get this? Why don't you remember it? One of your fingers grazes one of the bigger petals as the cogs in your brain start working way too hard. For some reason, the fact that you don't recall this beautiful flower really bothers you. "When? You didn't even say anything about it." He grunts at you, reaches up, grasps your wrist, and yanks it away from the flower. You flinch, because... What the fuck? "Don't touch it. Don't even look at it, Y/N. It isn't yours." His kisses turn into bites and he goes lower, once he reaches your pelvis he doesn't even warn you before he starts suckling on your clit. Something doesn't feel quite right. You put a hand in his hair, your confusion and anxiety is written all over your face. You yank his head up, and he glares at you, as if he isn't the one who just snapped at you over a damn flower. "Jungkook, what the fuck? What do you mean it isn't mine? What's your problem?" His eyes are blank as he stares at you, and his gaze slowly moves over to the flower. He clicks his tongue but stays in position as he speaks. "Look what you fucking did, I told you not to touch it." he nearly growls as he nods towards the flower. Zap. You look back at the flower, pulling the sheets up to your chest because you suddenly feel too vulnerable, out of place. Your blood runs cold when you see it. The petals start turning brown and dry, falling off of the stem of the flower. Wilting right in front of your eyes, quickly, as if your touch was fucking poison. It was so vibrant and pretty moments ago, and now it looks morbid. Zap. "Why the hell is it doing that?" "I told you not to touch, it isn't yours." Your gaze finds him again, you fight the urge to try and pick up the pieces of the pretty flower and try to siphon your light into it, to try and save it. None of what's happening makes sense. The lights in your apartment change from warm red and orange hues to dark and icy, blue and black like winter, and when your eyes find Jungkook and really look at him, you nearly gag.

Petals adorn his face, but he's cold. His honey skin is turning pale, and the petals are turning brown just like the Bearded Iris next to you. His face is still blank, not a single emotion behind his eyes. It looks like he's fucking dying, every time a petal falls off of his skin he gets paler and paler. What the fuck is happening? Zap, zap, zap. "Jungkook- I- what-" "If I loved you, wouldn't I still be here? I would've left her. I wouldn't have left you. You shouldn't have touched that flower, Y/N, it wasn't yours. Now look what you've done to me." You blink back tears because you don't understand what he means. You don't understand why he's being so cold suddenly... he doesn't look like him. He looks like a clone, maybe a shell, maybe even a fucking demon. You have no fucking idea what he's talking about. You reach up to swipe at your eyes, try to will the tears away because they are blurring your vision and making things too murky. When you do get clarity again, he's... gone. In between your legs, all that resides are brown leafs and petals, as if he was never here. You start frantically calling for him, grabbing at the sheets as if you may find him hiding underneath. Full on sobbing now, because he isn't here, and he just withered away right in front of you after saying such cruel things.

Zap, zap, zap, zap, zap.

You flinch awake, automatically start feeling around your empty sheets, trying to pick up those withered petals of the man you once loved so much… only to realize it was a dream. Another fucking nightmare.

Your very own personal hell created after you lost your flower.

To this day you get the zaps that you did the first day without him. And to this day it shakes you to your damn core.

After he left that last time, it was a mix of melancholy, relief, and a new kind of guilt. Relief because you no longer felt the guilt, it had been as if a weight was completely lifted off of your shoulders, rocks were taken away from your garden that sat on the soil and made your roots much too constricted to grow any more. But with the relief came a completely different kind of guilt.

Guilt that you felt relief at all, because if you love someone, why would you feel any relief at them being gone? You watched your flower be taken away by gardeners who didn’t know how to nourish him. That’s how it felt, anyway, when in reality he walked out on his own, respecting your wishes to end this. So feeling relief made you feel like scum at the same time. You loved this man and he loved you, he loved you so goddamn much. But he was weighing you down, and both of you became well aware that you would never flourish fully with the weight of him being married on your chest.

What you were doing was wrong. Ending it was right… right?

You grieved him heavily. It felt as if he died. As if even if you wanted to, you couldn’t reach out to him anymore. You couldn’t stare at his pretty petals colored in shades of you and him, you couldn’t touch them and water them and feed them. You couldn’t talk to him and hope your words fed him like food and encouragement to grow like you always did.

Although technically, you could. If you truly wanted to, you could have texted him or called him. Every night for the first two weeks, you would stay up and type long paragraphs to him declaring how much you regret ending it, how much you miss him, and how much you love him. Because you didn’t block his number at first. You couldn’t do it, it felt wrong. It felt like if you did that, you were severing the final tie that you would have to him. You didn’t have him on social media, so texting was really your only way of contact. Blocking him felt like it would be what really made this all real.

You felt like if you blocked him, surely he would keel over and die of a broken heart once he realized and finally tried to reach out again, because you knew damn well this man would reach out again at some point.

Which is ironic, because on the fourth week, an exact month later, he did reach out. You suspect maybe it was on accident, because he sent a long ass paragraph confessing how much he regretted it, how much he loves you, how much he misses you, and how much he hates his wife… but following the paragraph, he promptly apologized. Said it was an accident.

Before he deemed it as an ‘accident’, you were ready. You started typing back an acceptance, asking to see him again, borderline begging to see him again. But him admitting he didn’t mean to actually send it made you pause.

Made you realize how dangerous this man really was.

This was the night that you blocked his number.

And holy fuck, that made grieving ten times worse. Because now there was no string tethering you together. The very last root that kept you both twined together was ripped apart. He was like a ghost now, just a memory. Nothing in your life tied you to him other than the mementos he left behind.

The mementos which you obsessively held onto each day. You looked at the pictures he left every single day several times a day, you would literally just stare and cry. The chain he left remained on your neck like a god damn collar, you refused to take it off as if it was branded into your skin. You showered with it on, slept with it on, never took it off. The clothing he left you wore frequently, and you refused to wash them. But overtime, his scent faded. It faded into your own scent which made you question your sanity, because the less you smelt him on his jacket, hoodie, and shirt, the more you questioned was he ever even real?

Or was this all some fucked up delusion you made up out of loneliness and desperation to feel loved by someone? To love someone?

The dreams made it worse. Every single goddamn night you had dreams about him. It started out as good dreams, the kind of dreams that were reliving memories or making fantasies of forever come alive. Both of your flowers were immortal and at full bloom in these dreams, and it was the only moments of happiness you had. The only thing you could do to feel better was sleep, and so you did.

You slept as much as you could. On your days off of work, you would take sleeping pills that you didn’t need, and you would sleep 14 hours at a time, just to have these dreams and feel close to him again. Dreams of making love over and over, gardening together, cooking together, living together, getting married, having little babies that looked just like him, a complete fantasy world that you made in these dreams that provided solace.

But when you woke up, it was like the grieving process never progressed. It never got better. It only got worse. And in the back of your mind you knew how unhealthy it was to be sleeping so long, you knew that you were technically abusing sleeping medication, you knew that you were putting your job at risk by waking up late every single damn day and being late to work too, and you knew that your mental health was degrading.

You were fucking torturing yourself but you didn’t know how to stop.

After you blocked him though, it’s like the dreams morphed. They changed completely, turned morbid and disturbing. You have no idea why, maybe because in some way, you still were holding onto those rose colored glasses and refused to acknowledge the bad parts of the relationship you had with him. But severing that last point of contact seemed to have bring light onto the guilt you felt while you were with him, the jealousy, the misplaced possessiveness that he never even knew about.

Much like the dream you had tonight, the dreams were weird and distorted. They always started out sickly sweet but ended on a bitter note. Ended with him disintegrating into a pile of petals after proclaiming he was never yours and never would be.

This is when you stopped sleeping all together. Instead of taking sleeping pills that you really didn’t need and sleeping for way too long, you quit those pills cold turkey and started to develop insomnia. Quitting sleeping pills after taking them for an entire month should have been done slowly, because your body becomes dependent on them. If you quit them cold turkey, it prevents your body from producing the chemicals it needs to sleep, often leading to temporary or even a permanent case of insomnia. So you just started staying up. It was so easy, too. So easy to be tired rather than have those fucking nightmares.

If you did sleep, it was 2-3 hours at a time because your body couldn’t take being awake any longer. But you never allowed yourself to sleep for long, you simply couldn’t sleep peacefully. The moment the nightmares would begin, you would force yourself to wake up. You’d wake up in a cold sweat, and then you’d cry for fucking hours. You’d feel guilty and jealous over shit you should’ve gotten over by now.

Sometimes, on really bad days, his wife would appear in these dreams too. And it fucked you up. A faceless woman would catch you in bed with Jungkook, and she would scream and cry and yell, blame you for ruining her marriage and her future, and then Jungkook would become faceless too. As if you never really knew him.

Things became bad, to say the least. Three months into grieving, heartbreak, fucking hell on earth, you were very unwell. And it became noticeable to those around you.

Which was arguably the worst part, because no one knew what was wrong or what was going on. Obviously you never told anyone about Jungkook, why the fuck would you? Sleeping with a married man and falling in love with him isn’t something to brag about. As much as he was your most treasured memory, he was also your most dirty secret. You doubted if you did tell anyone, they would feel any sympathy for you. Especially considering you continued to sleep with him after finding out he was married. You did this to yourself, really. No one feels sympathy for a fucking home wrecker.

That’s what you felt you were. A home wrecker, a mistress, the other woman. This wasn’t some case of you being fucked over by some sleazy guy who hid his marriage from you, you were both at fault, you both did wrong, and you felt like you deserved to suffer in silence. So you did.

You didn’t go out with your little group of friends anymore, you constantly made excuses and told those around you that you were fine, just a little depressed. You hid it well… until you didn’t. It became fucking impossible to hide when you felt like you were dying on the inside.

You work at a little art studio/store downtown, it isn’t much but it pays the bills and you’re happy doing it. You were, anyway. You were designated to instruct the themed classes that are hosted every night. You aren’t a professional by any means, you just love to paint, you love art, and you used to love seeing the lovers and families come in to have fun and learn how to paint silly little pictures with you.

But during the grieving process, you became noticeably bad at your job. You would show up late to the morning classes, you weren’t selling as much art supplies as you used to, and the night classes are what really started fucking you up. The night classes were normally full of couples who were on dates… dates you never got to indulge in with he-who-shall-not-be-fucking-named.

You would become bitter during these classes. Previously you were peppy, a bit funny, and very encouraging to those who wanted to learn. But you became dull. Of course you didn’t take out your feelings on these innocent customers, but the classes just weren’t as fun for the people paying for them.

Your coworkers noticed heavily. Your boss isn’t a bad guy, but he knew something was very off with you. The girls you worked with also noticed, more specifically Sohee who had continuously asked you if you were ok and tried to get you to confess what the fuck was causing you to become a lifeless zombie who had nothing but guilt and bitterness behind her eyes.

Your performance and constant attendance issues should have gotten you fired, really. You were almost betting that your boss would fire you at some point. But he didn’t, instead he awkwardly begged Sohee to get to the bottom of what was going on because even if you were sort of shit at your job at the moment, he was mostly worried. Everyone was worried, and you never even realized it.

Never realized how fucking obvious it was that this was heartbreak caused by love.

Of course you didn’t tell Sohee outright. You refused to. You were going to take this shit to your grave, you swore it. God and satan and Jeon Jungkook would be the only ones who knew that this shit ever happened.

Until she took you out for drinks, and you got shit faced drunk and spilled your dirty soil all over the place for her to see.

All it took was three bottles of soju and seeing a couple making out in the booth across from you to make you confess it all. Sohee listened, and you were sure she was going to chastise you and call you a dirty home wrecking whore after you were done.

But she never did. She only listened and consoled you.

She didn’t make you feel guilty and she didn’t undermine your feelings. She rubbed your back and wiped your tears like the Angel she is, and she told you it was ok. She told you that sometimes mistakes are the best things that can happen to us, even if they’re supposed to be mistakes. She held your hand and coaxed you out of the dirt, wanted you to see that your feelings were valid and you didn’t have to feel guilty for them.

On the other hand, she was also brutally honest. She asked curious questions, and when she found out you had been ‘grieving’ for nearly three months now, she scolded you. Not because what you did was wrong, but because you weren’t taking care of yourself. You were fucking torturing yourself and it wasn’t ok.

Everyone grieves after breaking up. That’s normal. Although this technically wasn’t a breakup, it somehow felt much worse because of that very fucking reason. It wasn’t a breakup, but felt like one.

What isn’t normal is never making progress in grieving. Instead of getting better and moving on, you stayed stagnant. Everything around you was changing, spring turning into summer and then turning into autumn, leaf’s changing from vibrant to warm and muted, people and places moving on about their days all while you stayed stuck in the same exact spot in your own head. A self made prison.

She explained how it wasn’t normal, how you probably needed to get help. How it’s ok to feel this way, but it isn’t ok to neglect and torture yourself. You needed help, and you knew it, you weren’t coping properly. But you were also stubborn.

Because despite being fucking sick with grief for Jungkook, you were also worried. You swore in your head that he wasn’t ok. Fuck, what if he’s actually dead? What if he’s being dumb? Is he even taking care of himself? How badly is her hurting? What if he’s lonely?

The main reason you couldn’t move on is because, again, guilt. It fucking plagued you still, but it was different. You convinced yourself that he was just as unwell as you, he fucking must be. Which made you feel as if you weren’t allowed to move on and try to be happy, or even ok. You tortured yourself for both selfless and selfish reasons. You didn’t know how to stop.

That same night, you stayed at Sohee’s place. She was determined to knock some damn sense into you. You weren’t super close prior to this, but she genuinely could not stand seeing you so dead inside. She felt awful for you, and she was a good friend. Sometimes good friends have to be a bit harsh to get through.

So as you were on her couch sulking, watching TV, she asked questions about Jungkook. You didn’t think anything of it. You rambled on and on about Jungkook, assuming she was just letting you get it all out. You didn’t think anything of it when she asked for his full name and birthday, or when she asked you to describe what he looked like, or when she asked what his occupation was.

But boy, the moment she shoved her phone in your face while you were rambling on and on about how he reminded you of a flower, you suddenly regretted telling her anything.

“You need to get your shit together, because he’s doing just fine.” She told you, and at first you refused to look. Because you didn’t want to know what was on her phone screen.

What would be the damning evidence that you’d been torturing yourself while he was actually moving on, rather than suffering with you.

But she was just as stubborn as you were, and she made you look. You did. And you swear a part of you healed and broke all at once.

You have no idea how the fuck this crazy bitch did it, but she found his wife’s Instagram. Finding his account is one thing, but hers? The faceless woman who was haunting your nightmares and accusing you of ruining her life? The faceless woman who now has a face and a name and an entire fucking life for you to see?

A life with your flower, your lover, your ultimate fucking demise. All right in front of you.

You were silent as you scrolled. So many curiosities that you held in the past were now answered. Such as how she looked… and she was gorgeous. She had wavy honey blond hair which was clearly dyed but looked so perfect on her, most of her pictures she had blue contacts in that hid her pretty brown eyes but still somehow made her look ethereal, she was fit with the perfect body, her makeup was natural but flawless… she was flawless in every way.

You gathered that she is a journalist that specializes in fashion. She’s often traveling just as Jungkook used to claim when he was with you. She goes to fancy fashion shows and takes pictures and writes articles. So professional and put together in every way.

Nothing like you. And at first, you caught yourself comparing yourself to her harshly. Wondering what she had that you didn’t…

Until you scrolled to her most recent posts.

And your lover stared at you through the screen mockingly.

First you saw a picture of them kissing. Jungkook was smiling onto her lips. The caption reads ‘He flew us to LA just so I could see Coachella’. This was posted two months ago.

Two months ago… not long after you ended things.

Two months ago when you were crying so hard that you couldn’t breathe or see, calling out for him to come back to you… while he was at fucking Coachella with his wife.

Was he ever even grieving? Did he ever even care?

You silently scrolled on, and one more post is all you fucking needed.

Posted today, another picture of them kissing, on a yacht at night. ‘Throwback to our honeymoon, can’t believe it was 3 years ago, he’s taking me to Japan for our anniversary to recreate it!’

He went on a fucking vacation while you were on your coworkers couch babbling about how much you love and miss him and how he’s prettier than a flower.

How fucking shitty does that feel?

The emotions happened quickly. You felt resentment, jealousy, anger, maybe even hatred towards them both. You had been suffering for months while he was at Coachella after you fucking blocked him. You had been worried this entire time when he had been doing just fine all along.

It felt like he did you wrong in a way… but those feelings went away just as quickly as they came.

Because this is what you wanted. As much as it fucking stings, you literally told him ‘love your wife more’. You meant it. Not just for his wife’s sake, but for his. He didn’t want to leave her, so he should at least try to love her again. Fuck, all you wanted was for him to be happy.

No matter how jealous or bitter you felt at actually seeing him happy, it brought you a sense of peace knowing that maybe he wasn’t suffering like you assumed. Maybe he was happy. Maybe he was ok. Maybe his wife did love him and was nurturing him back to health without even knowing it.

It didn’t make it hurt any less, but it really did give you a bit of clarity.

Of course you cried about it. Fuck, you cried and cried and cried, enough to water an entire bush of flowers at that point. The only difference was this time, you weren’t alone. Sohee was with you, consoling you through it, letting you vent your feelings and frustrations. Letting you grieve.

But this time, you want to grieve proper. If he’s happy, you deserve to be happy too…

You are so thankful for Sohee because without her, you’re sure you may have withered away completely.

Shortly after this new sense of clarity, Sohee started helping you slowly pick up pieces of yourself. Petals and leafs and vines and roots, all scattered amongst the dirt, all slowly started gathering together.

You knew you wouldn’t be able to put these pieces back together. You can’t nurture a flower back to health once it’s died, after all… but you can start fresh.

You and Sohee became good friends, she helped you find healthier coping mechanisms, let you cry when you need to, let you vent when you can’t keep it in anymore, and most importantly she let you share the good memories you had with Jungkook. She never made you feel guilty, she just listened. And you are so fucking thankful for that.

And as time went on, you did get better slowly. After seeing what you saw, it was much easier to feel ok with trying to be happy. The guilt was mostly gone at this point, and all you wanted was to focus on yourself. Your sleep slowly got better, the nightmares slowly went away, and although you aren’t the same, you aren’t as dull either.

You start painting again, painting has always been one of your favorite things. You used to paint all the time, mostly portraits of those you loved… portraits of him after you first met became your favorite thing to paint. All of those are tucked away in a closet now though, along with the many pictures you have of him, because you don’t need any reminders of him of you can help it. Which is kind of a contradiction considering your favorite thing to paint now is flowers… but we don’t have to talk about that.

It takes time to heal and grieve after you cut the chord with someone who you swore you’d live and die with. It takes extra time when you never really started to move on to begin with. But you do start healing. Maybe you aren’t as social as you once were, maybe you’re lonelier now, maybe you’re starting to realize you still don’t know yourself quite as much as you thought you did.

But you’re making progress… slowly. No longer a flower that’s at full bloom, but also no longer a flower that’s wilting. Just a seed, your own seed that you water and care for rather than relying on someone else to do it for you.

And although you are now the one taking care of your own flower, Sohee is helping. Rather than relying on someone to water and feed your plant, you’re doing it together. You water, she feeds. Vice versa. Teamwork. Progress. You aren’t codependent, you’re just accepting help from a friend that you swear is an Angel sent from above. You are so thankful for her.

She pushes you, too. After she sees you started to paint and do ok at work again, she pushed some more. She constantly tried to get you to go out, meet new people, meet new guys specifically. Something that made you feel sick to think about, but also you slowly started missing having someone to love on. Someone to share affection and laughter with that wasn’t just a friend. You knew she was right, even if you didn’t actually date someone, it would be great progress if you actually put yourself out there and were open to the idea of letting someone in romantically, even just a little bit.

Someone who’s actually available for more than secret trysts.

Which is why you let Sohee set you up on a date. You’ve grown to trust Sohee heavily, maybe a bit too much. But fuck, no one can blame you for that when she is the one who dug up your dirty secrets and instead of judging you, helped you through it. She comforted you when you didn’t know how to comfort yourself. So you trust her judgment heavily, and if she thinks you should try to date, you think she’s right.

And Sohee has great taste in men, you’ve seen it first hand. She’s shared various stories with you about her hookups and exes, and the girl has similar taste as you, maybe just a bit more adventurous. A blind date with a man of Sohee’s choice doesn’t sound so bad.

You really didn’t expect the date to turn into anything, or even be enjoyable. You mostly did it because it was a step in the right direction of fully moving on. You were planning on trying to put yourself out there, sure, but you never planned to actually like the guy.

You didn’t expect Sohee to set you up with a man who looked like he could be a fucking model. You didn’t expect him to be your exact type. And you didn’t expect him to be so goddamn sweet and put together.

The moment you saw this man you knew you were in trouble. The moment he opened his mouth, you also knew you were in trouble. You were fucking terrified at the prospect of actually liking someone other than Jungkook. Even just being attracted to someone else felt wrong…

Shit, most days looking at your dildo felt wrong. You couldn’t even fucking use it.

So you were a bit of a nervous wreck when this man picked you up to wine and dine you. You weren’t nervous before you saw his face or heard his voice. But you were once you came face to face with him, it was as if he had a sign on his head that said ‘MOVE ON Y/N’, bright and neon, mocking you the entire night.

But as the night went on, you found this man wasn’t quite as intimidating as he seemed. He asked questions, wanted to get to know you, seemed genuinely interested in you as a person. He was nice to look at. Was pretty to listen to. He didn’t act bored either when you didn’t ask him questions, in fact, he answered the silent questions in your head without you even asking.

He could tell you were nervous, and although he didn’t know the true reason behind it, he thought it was adorable. Thought to himself, thank fuck for Sohee and her pretty friends. Because he was genuinely enamored with you.

He didn’t see the wilted flower that Jungkook did, or the dead flower mocking you every time you looked into the mirror. He saw a pretty little wildflower that he wanted to pick and take home with him.

You learned quite a bit about him that night despite never really asking. He worked in marketing for a fashion design company, fairly close to where you work, a 9-5 that gave him weekends off and paid vacation, full benefits too. He had a dog named Simba who he loved like a child. He didn’t have many hobbies but he did enjoy bar hopping and hanging out with his group of friends who he talked fondly of. He takes good care of himself, cares about his appearance and fashion choices, takes pride in being handsome, even has a fucking skincare routine that he talked about for nearly five minutes… but he’s still humble somehow. Doesn’t seem narcissistic or conceited, just sure of himself. Confident. He knows his worth, but also knows his place.

You really liked that, considering you haven’t been quite so confident lately.

He has a friend who he called Tae that he speaks highly of, you can tell he loves his friends dearly. He described him as a big teddy-bear-man-child, which makes him seem very loveable. Apparently they don’t exactly share the same friend group but they come together often.

His relationship history… he was kind of vague. He said he has had a few serious relationships, but they never last because the woman loses interest in him, and he hasn’t actually dated in nearly two years, but has had casual flings…

This could be seen as a red flag. Or… maybe he was hurt, and he doesn’t want to talk about it. You know damn well how that feels, in fact, he asked you about your dating history, and you were incredibly vague.

What were you supposed to say? ‘Ah, well, every relationship I have had so far failed, but I was with one guy who I loved more than anything in the world, but it didn’t work out because he was married. Oops!’

Yeah, no, fuck that. It was hard enough being honest with Sohee, she had to get you drunk for you to even confess. There’s was no damn way you were going to tell him.

You didn’t lie. You just said you were in a bit of a situationship with someone you grew feelings for, and when it ended it hurt very badly. Vague, but true. He doesn’t need to know details.

He never even asked for details, which surprised you. In fact, he said “It’s ok, we don’t have to rush into anything, I get it. But try to be open with me, yeah? I really like you so far.”

Too good to be true. Or maybe, just maybe, Sohee sent you an Angel in disguise, one she met while she became an Angel herself. Maybe he really is a good guy, and you got lucky for once. Maybe your karma for the things you did with Jungkook was your suffering in the beginning of grieving, and now you have a chance to redeem yourself.

You were tempted to cast him out after this night together. Because you were afraid. What was the catch? What was he hiding? Is he a serial killer? Is he even real? Are you making up these men in your head or something?

You had a decision to make: you could make the decision to take more time for yourself, count this as you putting yourself out there… or you could give him a chance. See where it goes.

You chose the latter.

You explained to him as he walked you to your door that you weren’t ready for something serious, but you enjoyed spending time with him too. And he was ok with that. He said he’d like to take you out again anyway, and you agreed.

An easy routine began after this. The dates following the first one were tame and relaxed but always so nice. It was sort of healing in a way, honestly. He was so kind and always went at your pace, let you control everything. He’d be the one taking you out, but you got to set the pace. He never tried to kiss or touch either, never pressured you to move things faster. Eventually you started spending every weekend together, and often weekdays too. He’d bring you lunch or dinner at work and eat with you, he’d visit your apartment, sometimes you’d even go to his. You started spending the night together, he left his toothbrush at your apartment and you left yours at his.

This all happened within the span of the last few months, so maybe it was a bit fast, but you just did things as they felt right.

And yes, eventually you kissed. Eventually you touched. Eventually you fucked. And you were surprised that you didn’t feel guilty after. You felt… fine. The sex wasn’t out of this world, it was fairly vanilla, but you actually managed to finish and feel good about it afterward.

You think a lot of that had to do with the fact that you were touch starved, hadn’t been with anyone since that last night with Jungkook. Ironically, also like an addict quitting cold turkey. You went from getting touched and fuck at least three times a week, to nothing at all. Could barely even touch yourself properly. But also… he was good in bed. He was fine. It wasn’t too much or too little and he paid close attention to the way your body reacted, he didn’t just act like a wild animal chasing release like most men do.

The day you slept with him was the day you stopped thinking about Jungkook so much. It was like as time went on and you broke these little boundaries for yourself, little petals you held onto flew away with the wind. The petals weighed barely anything, but felt like they weighed the same as bricks.

Did you forget about him? Fuck no. You never could. You still think of him daily. You wonder how he’s doing, if he’s ok, if he’s happy… if he thinks of you too. But it isn’t compulsive like it once was, he doesn’t consume you. He’s just a memory you go back to.

Or maybe you’re in denial.

Because even then… you still wear his chain, you still sleep in his shirt, you still wear his hoodie around the house, and as the months grow colder, your jacket remains the cozy Calvin Klein denim that he gifted you.

You still look at the pictures, maybe not every night, but often. Relive the memories. Wonder if he does the same.

You still stalk his wife’s Instagram. Not obsessively, but every now and then you’ll check to see if she has posted more pictures of them. And most times, she hasn’t. But there are a few new ones… pictures of him smiling that scrunched up smile you’ve always loved, pictures of them together, and pictures of her alone. A reminder to yourself that you have no place in his life… that’s the reason for doing it you chalk it up to, anyway.

And every damn time Seojoon brings you a bouquet of flowers, which is weekly, you can’t fucking help but think of your Jeon Jungkook.

So… maybe you are in denial. But also, you’re coping, you’re moving on. You haven’t fully let him go yet, you’re not sure if you can, but you have been doing fine. You’ve been closer to happy than you have been ever since that last night with him.

He isn’t consuming your thoughts and feelings like he was in the beginning, but he is still very much there in your heart. Despite his petals floating away, some of his roots remain underneath the soil. He’s there… but not.

Which is why tonight’s dream has you so fucking shaken up.

You haven’t dreamed of him in months now. Ever since you started coping more healthily, the dreams faded along with the hurt and resentment. No nightmares. No dreams. Nothing. Just peaceful sleep.

You lay there panting, trying to calm your heart rate down by thinking of things that aren’t him. You look at the clock and realize it’s only 8pm, you barely even remember falling asleep so early. Seojoon agreed to come over after work tonight, but had to stay late at the office to finish some project or something. You must’ve dozed off waiting for him.

You don’t want to start the cycle again, but fuck, you sure as hell won’t be going to sleep again either. Not until Seojoon gets here, anyway.

Things with Seojoon remain smooth, uncomplicated. You’ve been seeing each other for a good three months now, and although there is no title to what you are, you’re basically dating at this point. You wouldn’t call him your boyfriend necessarily, but also you’re exclusive to him.

You like how things are. It’s nice. It’s not stressful, and you don’t have to hide. So when you have the sudden impulse to push him away and tell him you need space, you keep repeating in your head that you can’t let one nightmare fuck it all up. It was just a nightmare.

That’s all.

Instead of isolating like you normally would, and texting Seojoon to tell him not to come, you get out of bed and take off the oversized CK T-shirt and put on your dedicated painting T-shirt which is stained in various colors of paint, far too vibrant for the mood you’re currently in.

You set up the corner of your room as you always do, break out your easel and canvas and various paints, put on your painting playlist on Spotify, and you tell yourself that this is coping. This is a healthy way to cope. No, it’s not dwelling, it’s coping.

It’s coping, you’re sure.

You’re totally not freaking out about the fact that your flower became faceless in this dream, or that he was incredibly angry and cold towards you, or that he ended up disintegrating right in front of your fucking eyes again.

You’re totally not worried that you forgot what he looked like. Not at all. This is just coping.

And so you paint. You don’t really know where you’re going with it, and try to ignore the fact that you are trying to paint a portrait of someone who is now a ghost to you from memory alone. You don’t think of anything, really, you just let your hands move on their own accord.

You have no idea how much time passes before you’re standing before the painting you’ve created, questioning it. Pretending that you can’t quite remember how the eyes or mouth are supposed to look.

You know. You know well. You haven’t forgotten his face, the nose you’ve painted onto the faceless man is proof alone that you have not forgotten. Such a unique nose, a bit big, pointy, perfect in the most imperfect way. How could you forget such a beautiful piece of art carved by god himself?

It’s quite the opposite, really. You stare at the painting for a long time hoping it starts to distort. Hoping that you won’t recognize the single feature you’ve managed to capture. Hoping that somehow, someway, you’ll remember a different set of eyes and lips and beauty marks that don’t belong to the nose staring at you right now.

You start to feel a bit crazy, honestly. This faceless man with only a nose and petals falling off of his skin seems almost too real. Too close. It’s been over half a year now that you’ve seen him, yet here he is fucking haunting you after you swore you were over him.

You are, you still swear. You have to be.

You take your paint brush and glob a streak of bright red paint on it, you’re ready to destroy the canvas because for some fucking reason it won’t distort. You can’t stand looking at it anymore. So you huff, bring your paintbrush to the canvas and—

“That’s gorgeous.”

Fuck.

You slowly turn your head to see Seojoon standing against your bedroom door frame. Suddenly, you sort of regret giving him your spare key, because if he hadn’t spoken up sooner, he would’ve just witnessed you defiling the goddamn painting as if it killed your family. He would’ve thought you were psychotic.

“Ah, thanks. I was just messing around with some ideas I had…”

He arches a brow at you, and even his eyes find the painting again. You nearly feel yourself break a sweat, because what if he asks questions? What if he realizes this wasn’t just you messing around like some quirky art girlie, but this is an actual person you’ve painted?

The same person you vaguely told him about. The man that was never yours, but somehow is still managing to fuck with your head. If he caught on, he may ask questions, and you can’t explain. You’d have to lie.

That’s how you feel, anyway. And you can’t have that.

He lets out an intrigued sigh as he pushes off of the door frame and takes his blazer off, makes his way towards you. He stands right behind you, encircling your waist in his arms and resting his chin on the top of your head, just like Jung—

“That’s very intricate for just messing around babe. What’s it mean?”

He doesn’t sound accusing when he asks, just curious. Seojoon is always curious to know what goes on in your head, especially when it comes to the way you express yourself. And he has no fucking idea who is in this painting, if it’s anyone at all, but he knows he gets an odd feeling in his stomach when he looks at it.

You merely shrug in response as you put your paintbrush down and lean into his touch. This is the question you didn’t want to answer. Although his tone isn’t accusing, you know what he’s really asking: ‘who the fuck is that?’

You’re torn between being vague and lying outright. Lying is never good in a relationship… although you aren’t technically in a relationship to begin with. But again, this is something you will not discuss with him. You don’t want to. And you know in the back of your mind that lying and sneaking around is the very thing that fucked with your head to begin with, but…

Sometimes white lies are necessary… right?

“Doesn’t really mean anything, I was just going with the flow. Not sure who it is, can’t quite figure out the eyes or mouth.” You gesture lazily with one of your hands, placing your free hand on top of his on your tummy.

No need to tell him you know exactly who the fuck this is and you haven’t added the eyes or the mouth because you think you might have a psychotic break if you see his face again.

Seojoon isn’t stupid though. He can tell you’re lying. But he won’t call you out on it. He can tell maybe this is sensitive to you, maybe whoever this is hurt you… and also, he is no stranger to little white lies.

Nothing is ever as pretty as it seems, is it?

He nods, kisses the top of your head. But he can’t quite hear his eyes away from the painting because… it looks so familiar. He can’t place it, maybe he’s just reading into it too much but he swears he knows that nose.

“Huh. Looks kinda familiar. Don’t know why though.”

Immediately you feel alarm bells going off in your head. Why the fuck would it look familiar? It’s a nose on a face that’s otherwise faceless… it’s also kind of morbid looking.

You get this feeling in your gut that you don’t like, but immediately choose to ignore. Because you convince yourself this is anxiety being mixed up with intuition. You often question yourself these days, because you’re paranoid karma is coming for you. But you have to remind yourself that your feelings are valid, you suffered enough, no need to let the lingering guilt you feel over the past affect mundane moments like this.

It’s just anxiety, surely. It’s such a basic nose, it could belong to anyone. It’s a faceless fucking painting, he can’t possibly know who that nose belongs to.

Bullshit.

“Looks familiar because it’s not finished. Who knows, maybe it’s you.”

You tease him, nudging your ass into him which earns you a little grunt. You let out a half hearted giggle and shake your head… when in reality the mere idea of him being in the painting makes you feel sick. It’s not that you don’t want to paint Seojoon, or that you don’t think he’s pretty…

It’s because you know that nose belongs to someone else, the entire concept of this painting is based upon someone else. It could never be Seojoon.

Time to change the subject.

You remove his arms from around your waist and decide you’re done with painting for the night. Seojoon is here now, no need to dwell on the faceless flower man who haunts your dreams like a goddamn ghost.

You walk over to your dresser and take a makeup wipe to start wiping the little specs of paint from your face and arms as you ask, “How was work? You were super late tonight.”

Again, not accusatory. Just curious, because he doesn’t often stay this late for work. Maybe a few hours at a time but never this late into the night.

You’re too focused on getting the paint off of your skin to notice the way he avoids looking at you.

He begins unbuttoning his shirt as he speaks casually, “Ah, was fine. Nothing new. Some idiot fucked up the powerpoint presentation for one of our projects and I had to stay to clean up their mess, you know how it is.”

You really don’t know how it is, but you nod along anyway, you aren’t really paying attention. Just wanna hear about his day.

Maybe you should pay attention.

Before you can speak up, he continues, “Oh, that reminds me, Taehyung invited me to a little potluck type deal tomorrow night with some friends. Was gonna see if you’d wanna come, would be a great chance for you to meet some of my buddies.”

For some reason you get a bit of anxiety at the thought of meeting his friends. You’re not sure why, but again, that feeling in your gut persists. You chalk it up to the fact you’re on edge and paranoid because Seojoon walked in on something you feel he should not have. That damn cursed painting.

Anxiety over intuition. Surely.

You’ve yet to meet his friends, so it is kind of overdue. There’s no real reason as to why, it just hasn’t come up yet. He’s met plenty of your friends, sharing Sohee as a friend means you share other friends too. But you’ve still yet to meet his best friend or even his friend group.

You’ve heard a lot about them, Tae specifically, and he seems lovely. You want to meet him, meet all of them… so you aren’t sure why you have anxiety about it.

Get a grip, Y/N, one nightmare doesn’t mean it’s the end of the fucking world and everything bad is about to happen.

But even then, you ask hesitantly as you throw your makeup wipe away, “You sure? I don’t wanna be the annoying ‘girlfriend’ who wasn’t invited.”

He snorts at that, and shakes his head as he flops onto your bed with his shirt now open and loose with his belt undone. He places his hands behind behind his head as he stares at you, “Can’t be the annoying girlfriend when you aren’t my girlfriend babe.”

He arches a brow, sticks his tongue out playfully. He isn’t scolding you or pressuring you, not that you’re aware of, but is definitely hinting to the fact that you’ve both sort of avoided the whole girlfriend-boyfriend thing up to this point.

You’ve avoided it because… well, you don’t know really. You just haven’t felt the need to label it, and if you’re being honest, you’re not sure if you’re ready for the label. On one hand, it’s just a label. So it isn’t that serious. Nothing would change really because you’re already exclusive to each other… that’s what you assume, anyway.

On another hand, it feels more permanent. For some reason it makes you feel pressured into admitting things you don’t quite want to admit. If he were to ask curious questions that he has yet to ask, you wouldn’t be able to lie about them under the guise of it being too private and personal.

You just might have to be honest about the flower who made you bloom and wilt all at once. The flower that was never really yours, but is the entire reason you’re hesitant to commit, despite never committing to that very flower.

He hasn’t made a move to make it official either though, although that’s purely out of respect. Little do you know, all of his friends know you as his girlfriend. His coworkers too. He’s already added that label. But out of ‘respect’ to you, he hasn’t told you that and hasn’t pressured you to add the label yourself. He did say he would go at your pace, after all…

That’s what he allows you to think, anyway. Seojoon is only a man…

“Shut up, you know what I mean.” You retort as you grab a little hair clip and toss it at him, and then go back to your dresser with a huff, start undressing and finding something comfy to wear for bed. Not the CK T-shirt this time. You don’t feel right wearing it in bed with Seojoon.

He shamelessly stares at you as you undress, his eyes becoming a bit heavy lidded as he speaks, “I know I know, but they want you there. They all wanna meet you, I talk about you a lot on our nights out. You could impress them by making something yummy. Please?" He playfully pouts at you and you roll your eyes. You don't miss how his eyes remain glued to your ass even as he pouts, which in most cases is flattering... but tonight you aren't really in the mood. For very unobvious reasons to him, but painfully obvious reasons to you.

You know that he’s right though, you need to meet his friends. It’s not as serious as it feels. It’s only fair to him. You make your way over to the bed, crawl on, and snuggle up to him as you say, “I guess I’m just nervous… but I’ll go.”

He instinctively lifts his arm up so that you can nuzzle into him, his hand trails down your back, then to your ass where he squeezes, “Don’t be nervous, they’re just my friends, and they already love you from what I’ve told them about you. Some of the guys will even have their wives or girlfriends there so you can have girl time or whatever,”

You don’t wanna be pessimistic… but being with his friends and their spouses adds a bit more pressure… especially considering you aren’t technically his girlfriend.

He leans in, whispers in your ear as he squeezes your ass again, “Who knows, maybe they’ll even be jealous I’ve got such a pretty not-girlfriend.”

He chuckles and kisses the top of your head, makes no move to escalate things beyond squeezing your ass. He definitely wants to, but he won’t. Your pace and all that.

It’s true though, he’s excited for you to meet his friends. Even more excited at the prospect of them being jealous. He nearly brags about you on nights out with them because you are so unlike any girl he has been with before.

Seojoon is hot shit and he knows it. He’s one of those men that woman see on the street and think ‘damn I want him.’ He’s used to woman being willing to drop to their knees just for a chance with him. He’s used to woman going at his pace…

But you, you’re different. Because even though he was handsome, even though you were clearly into him from the start, you made him work for it. It’s different because woman are usually willing to do whatever he wants. But you, you had boundaries. You still have boundaries. You’re skittish like a stray cat, one wrong move and you may kick him to the damn curb. He has to earn you and your trust… he has to chase you.

And oh, he loves that. As much as he itches to put a label on it, he’s more than willing to be the one doing whatever you want at your pace. It’s kind of like wanting something he can’t have… it’s the thrill of it. And he’s proud of the fact that you have stayed this long, you’ve yet to push him away.

Maybe it’s not official, but it’s exclusive. That’s what you both think it’s supposed to be, anyway. Although his friends already know you as his girlfriend, and so do his coworkers. In his head, you are his girl. You don’t have to admit it, but you are. The label won’t change things as him and his friends see it, considering it was already there.

His little wildflower that he picked on the side of the rode, out of place on the side of a street full of cars. He put you in a little vase and slowly waters you with security and gives you freedom in the form of sunlight.

Even though you’re unaware that you sit stagnant in a vase on his kitchen counter… just like you’re unaware that you’re his girlfriend.

Some things you just don’t need to know. It’ll happen anyway, he’s sure of it. You’ll agree to be his soon.

But if you did know… if you knew that he was currently comparing you to any sort of flower, especially a fucking wild flower, while simultaneously considering you his girl when you never agreed… you just night have called it all off.

Flower comparisons are reserved for a man who’s faceless painting is staring at you right now. For you and him only. Not Seojoon… no matter what he is to you.

Bur you don’t know. You haven’t a damn clue. So he’s in the clear for now.

You roll your eyes at him, find the little hair clip that you threw at him sitting on the pillow. You pick it up, put it in his hair as you mutter, “Whateverrr. I doubt it.” And then promptly nuzzle into him again.

You do, in your head you don’t think there’s anything to be jealous of. But him? He thinks you’re the perfect arm candy. Every one of his friends will be surprised when they get to know you themselves considering you’re unlike his usual type, sort of an enigma. And then he’ll get to tell stories about your time together and exaggerate them to make them even better.

He’s excited. Much more excited than you are.

You both fall asleep soon after that, keeping up the idle chatter until you drift off. Thankfully, no more nightmares or dreams of your faceless flower man. Although it isn’t a peaceful sleep, it’s quiet. Always is better when sleeping next to someone.

Makes it easy to ignore that tiny bit of loneliness that you can’t quite ignore when no one else is around. The loneliness that you swore was gone until tonight. You can only hope that tomorrow these feelings will be gone, and the faceless man watching you sleep through a painting crafted by your hands will disappear from your thoughts when you wake up.

#bts #jeon jungkook #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic #jungkook #jungkook angst #bts fanfction #bts imagines #bts smut #18+ only #jungkook x you #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #i love jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfiction

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thedeliverygod · 6 months

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The Final Chapter of Noragami

I'll start off by saying no matter what, this is my favorite manga/anime series. It'll always be near and dear to my heart. And thank you again to @fast-moon who has put so much time in effort into this series so that we would be able to read it in English ASAP.

But here are my honest thoughts, below the cut

There are far too many open ends. As a writer and a fan, I get that it's good to leave things pretty open ended and give fans a chance to explore possibilities. But there was too much here.

Something that struck me during my read of the translation (as I read the raws about an hour beforehand) was the absence of Nana. Arahabaki and Shiho are at the hanami, why not her? Especially since she's got a bond with Bishamon as well.

Is Nora just a free agent, doing whatever she wants? We see that Yukine still has his Hagusa name, so clearly she would still have Mizuchi. And we know Yato can't re-name her. Does she spend time with Yato and Yukine at Kofuku's house? Is she Yato's secret agent in watching over Hiyori? lol

Kazuma is the only one (aside from Nana) who survived the God's Greatest Secret without being named with the koto no ha. How is he dealing with it? Is he also having nightmares like Yukine?

Yato being 'saved' by going viral is a bit dumb especially because the posts are like "wow this guy is doing like a 10 year old meme lame" etc so it didn't seem like it should have blown up much anyway? and he also says no one actually remembers 'him'/uses his name just Teke-Teke so how does that... actually help Yato? Granted he didn't die and he has a smartphone now but I feel like he would... actually have to really be acknowledged to get money and have a shrine other than Hiyori's shrine (which btw what happened to THE DAMN SHRINE??? its on the cover but the chapter??? absent)

"I'll give you all of me" and dramatic crying/kiss but then Yato just seems so... detached. granted I KNOW it's because of the near shore/far shore and he doesn't want to endanger her again and just looks over her and it's a trope that's been in a million fanfics including mine but it just feels so off and bluh to NOT GET ANY RESOLUTION OTHER THAN HIYORI JUST RECOGNIZING HIM and then a line in the journal about how he tried to play it off.

I can't even think of everything tbh there's just a lot I want answered that wasn't...

I would say the best part of this chapter was the stuff about Fujisaki. It finally answered that he was 'born' with Father present inside of him and they kind of switched back and forth. Although again that leaves the question of how much was Fujisaki and how much was Father in terms of hitting on Hiyori/how much did Fujisaki know about Father's antics. I also love that Yato still hates him anyway even without Father LOL

lastly father was this giant cataclysmic force in Yato's life for literally over a thousand years and he's finally free. and we really get no reaction in regards to that. And that is especially disappointing when it's a major theme of the manga as a whole, you know?

idk that's my piece for now. I'm sure I'll have more to say in the coming days/weeks/months/etc but I hope and pray there's maybe any sort of small addition to the tankobon release.

it did mention "please look forward to adachitoka's next work" but I think that was just like a publishing nicety. I think noragami's ending was rushed due to their ongoing health problem and/or pressure from the publishers and I honestly don't see them coming out with a new series any time soon.

#noragami #noragami spoilers #noragami final chapter spoilers

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fangirlingfromdownunder · 8 days

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A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 1

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader

A/N: Long time no post! Sorry for the lengthy hiatus! If you read my Christmas Advent stories then you may be familiar with this story already, however, I've been working hard to turn it into a longer fic and as such a few things have changed (including the POV, hence the reposts). I hope you enjoy! Let me know if you want me to start a taglist for this fic.

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The Christmas pay is great, but dealing with the influx of customers – everyone in a rush to get their Christmas shopping and preparations finished – sucks. I’m well into the morning rush having made to my best estimate near a hundred coffees in just a few hours. I’m already exhausted and sick of people; many of whom have short tempers due to needing their daily caffeine hit ASAP. Somewhere around the 30th coffee I burnt my hand on the steamer and it has been in pain since, but I need the money so I ignore it and push on. Not that I’d have time to dwell on the pain even if I wanted to; the orders just keep piling up.

Peppermint Mocha Latte with extra whipped cream and crushed candy canes.

Gingerbread Latte with a sprinkle of cinnamon on top.

Chestnut Praline Frappuccino with caramel drizzle.

White Chocolate Peppermint Hot Chocolate with marshmallows.

Winter Wonderland White Hot Chocolate with white chocolate syrup.

Almond Joy Latte with coconut and almond flavours.

And so on and so on into oblivion. Maybe it’s my fault for choosing to work in a cafe that prides itself on its range of festive flavours. But despite the exhaustion, I serve every drink with a smile and never-dwindling love for the holidays.

My steady pace and rhythm are jolted by my coworker getting into my personal space. “Come on, (Y/N)! It’s time to switch, I can’t keep weaving through these crowds with hot drinks and dishes! I need space! Please!”

I add the finishing touches to the drink I’m currently working on and then nod at her. “Fine. I’ll deliver this one and go from there. Just start from the next hot chocolate there,” I nod at the list of order notes stuck on the metal shelf above the coffee machine as I carefully lift the full mug off the bench.

She nods enthusiastically, pulls a new, clean mug off the stack and gets started. I take the fancy hot chocolate out to table 5 as per the order card. My coworker and I fall into perfect harmony quickly. She makes drinks and I deliver them seamlessly until a tall, well-built guy comes bursting through the doors straight in front of my well-worn path causing me to dump an entire Peppermint Mocha Latte on him. The mug and saucer shatter on the tiles by his feet as my hands immediately cover my mouth to hide my embarrassment. But the shock quickly wears off as I jump into action, gathering napkins to wipe the mess while I apologise profusely. I don’t even look up at his face as I continue to attempt to clean out the stain.

“I am so so sorry! Whatever you want is on the house, I’ll cover it all. New shirt and jacket even. It’s all on me. I am so sorry, sir,” I ramble as I continue dabbing at the mess.

Noticing everyone’s eyes on the two of you and customers starting to get restless, he wraps his hands around my wrists to make me stop and look at him properly. “It’s no problem, really. It’s all good. I wanted a reason to buy a new shirt anyway.”

“Please, at least let me get you a coffee to go then.”

“To go?” He questions.

“Yeah, so you can go change.”

“But you did such a good job cleaning me up.” A blush sneaks onto my cheeks at his words. I hear my coworker calling from behind the counter. “Sounds like you need to get back. Just surprise me with something when you get your break. But make sure you’re the one that makes and delivers it,” he says with a wink as he releases his grip on my wrists.

I quickly compose myself as I rush over to grab a broom and mop to clean up the mess as my coworker attempts to manage the impatient customers.

After about half an hour, the morning rush finally starts to die down and the afternoon shift arrives for handover. I finish adding some whipped cream, chocolate powder and marshmallows on top of the white and milk chocolate peppermint mocha lattes and then untie my dirty apron. Thanking my coworkers I take the two festive mugs to the table in the corner where the now dry man is waiting patiently reading a newspaper. I place them down carefully on the table causing him to look up.

“I was starting to think you forgot,” he says.

“You kidding me? I still feel so bad, but it gets so busy here during the holidays.”

He takes a sip of the drink closest to him and then says, “I can see why. I’m used to straight black coffee, but I can get on board with this.”

As I go to take a sip from the other mug, a bright flash from outside the window causes me to spill my drink all over the table and myself. Looking in the direction of the flash, the man jumps into action. He passes me some napkins and stands up.

“That’s my fault. Should’a known word would get out if I stayed here this long. That’s my fault,” he says apologetically.

I dab at my now, evenmore stained shirt and say, “I guess now we’re even.”

He slides a coaster across the table with a few more napkins. “I’m so sorry.”

He shrugs his jacket on and walks away. After a second, I regain my senses and go to call out and stop him but the door’s already closing behind him. I look down at the coaster and see a phone number written in neat handwriting. With a sigh, I slip it into my pocket and smile.

#jensen ackles imagine #jensen ackles fic #jensen ackles x y/n #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles #supernatural imagine #supernatural fic

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leilani-lily · 20 days

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To the Sinners reading "Oh Deer"

It's been a while my little deerlings! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

I just wanted to give an update as I realize I've been pretty quiet since posting chapter 10. Can I just say.

The COMMENTS I've been getting??! ( •̯́ v •̯̀) Y'all are too sweet, holy shit. I've been reading them and re-reading them and just squealing like a schoolgirl into my pillow while kicking my feet around like a lil silly billy. THANK YOU SO MUCH if you've written to me, I fucking love getting comments and the ones I've gotten as of recent are just (இ﹏இ`｡)

Perfection. Thank you ꨄ I promise to respond to each and every one! (❀´ ˘ `❀) I also want to apologize for the delay in the next chapter. That last one really knocked the wind out of me and I just needed a break. Not only that, but work has picked up recently and.... I've recently started seeing someone (⸝⸝๑ ̫ ๑⸝⸝⸝) (y'all pray for me cause he's really nice and we share so many common interests and I just... really want this to go well)

So long story short my life has just been a bit of a whirlwind recently haha! But I've still been trying to tippy tap when I can. I can't say when I'll post the next chapter, maybe in a week or two, but I can assure you it's in the works!

Thank you so so much for your love and patience and support! I'm truly honoured people take the time to read my lil story and have been so kind. Hopefully I can get this next chapter out asap! Love y'all to Hell and back! ♡〜٩( ˃▿˂ )۶〜♡

#leilani-lily #alastor #hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel fanfiction #oh deer #alastor the radio demon

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skullsandcorals · 6 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/skullsandcorals/738285799236321280/im-dyslexic-im-not-stupid

1. Holy shit I am so happy I found another person who gets how smart Percy is, and gets that every instance of Percy looking/getting called stupid is due to his dyslexia or people not telling him anything.

2. Which book/chapter is this from? I need to bookmark it ASAP and start shouting it from the metaphorical tumblr hills.

3. We really don't talk about how good a mom Sally is? Like yeah she's badass and gentle but like. She respects Percy. When the school system failed Percy, she's the one who still not only believed that he was smart but still acted like it and probably taught him too. Queen mom Sally Jackson right there.

1.) YEAHH EXACTLY. Or his ADHD 😭 It drives me NUTS whenever Percy is treated as the dumb + comedic guy. Like I get what they're saying and why they're saying it, but sometimes his character gets reduced to JUST that and it hurts my soul. I get that he's funny as a narrator and as a character and sometimes he can be a little "clueless" but it just feels like some people like to think of that as either all he is or a huge part of who he is. I believe I've also seen Leo get this treatment despite literally being insanely smart at such a young age so. that's...fun. They can be funny and smart too 😞

2.) It's from the 10th Anniversary edition of The Lightning Thief! It's Rick's cover letter for the first readers of the manuscript & a note from the narrator. I don't have a copy of that edition myself, but I've seen some pictures of it on Rick's blog and someone posted one of the pages on Reddit (where I got it from).

Here's the full page from Reddit (source) & the picture from Rick's blog where the page is visible (source):

3.) YEEEAHHHH I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!! What I would do to get adopted by her rn. The way she talks to him makes me kinda teary-eyed because she's just so...you can just tell how much she loves Percy and that she would do anything to make sure he grew up resilient and kind in a world that's always out to get him. She believes in him so much that it just makes me lose my mind a little. It's just so sweet and I can't help but feel so moved by it.

I'm not sure if you've read Chalice of the Gods, but there's this scene where (spoilers, kinda) Sally talks to Percy after the whole thing with Hebe and honestly this scene makes me want to sob and cry and weep

“You are a lot of things, Percy. But helpless isn't one of them.”

#personal mail ♡#long post #pjo/hoo #percy jackson #sally jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #the lightning thief #chalice of the gods #don't get me wrong tho. i know percy can and had acted clueless or oblivious or whatever.#but my gods. at least think about it for a hot second.#adhd + dyslexia + people just not telling him shit + other characters treating him like he's stupid + gods know what else #i wouldn't have said anything if they were just talking about the book #and about that one specific scene where percy called his teacher an old sot #because he did admit he did not know what the hell that meant.#but c'mon :/. percy will say anything relatively smart and people will discredit the shit out of his intelligence and knowledge 💀#has acted*** just ignore any typos I'm sorry 😭#the impertinent thing isn't even that big of a deal 😭 it's like...one relatively “big” word. but gods forbid right 💀#but anyway I love sally she's great and awesome and no she is not perfect but she sure tries her damn best to be who Percy needs her to be

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kemafili · 10 months

Note

dungeon meshi final chapter out, cant wait for ur opinion........

I love this question I have been dying to answer this okay so. First of all, I waited the entire day for the dungeon update to drop, I was clutching my pearls and sweating and actually shedding skin and molting and losing hair just for it to drop. Around 4 or 5 pm I start to get hungry as fuck and I don’t have money so I post the adopts to buy chicken and eventually I can afford the chicken so I order the fried chicken and it arrived at around like 6 pm, I have my fried chicken next to me and I really want to eat it because I hadn’t ate anything else that day other than like the 2 biscuits that came with the order and I had been cleaning the house earlier so I was just making hunger through the entire process. I decide that it’d be magical if I waited for the update to come out and be eating at the same time as I’m reading like a grown ass man watching the superbowl right, and so I wait, and I wait , and I keep waiting and I know in the bottom of my starving feeble little heart that the raws came out late as hell and that EverydayHeroes was working their machinery like crazy to typeset and translate the entire thing so of course it’d come out like late but I still persisted, I didn’t ate my chicken becuase i wanted to keep waiting and hoping the update would come out, 9/10pm rolls around and my boyfriend is back to his home and We hang out for like 3 hours while I’m still persistently waiting on the background for the update to drop, nothing, then I realize my food had like fries on it also so I decide to eat the fries and leave the chicken for the update, then Like at ariund 11:30 pm I’m hungry as hell and I decide okay whatever man I’m eating the chicken already so I eat it and I assume the update will come out tomorrow right okay. Then at like nearly 2 am I say goodnight to my man and I turn the Intelligence Pad off and I’m ready to go to bed but like a swarm of wild pack of roaches approache me in the shape of a discord notification to tell me that the update dropped and that I need to read it ASAP, and so I’m laying on my fucking bed with no food or life or anything to read the update As fast as I could, and after I finish reading it one comically huge tear drop falls down my cheek as I realize that Ryoko made laios so damn hot on those last drawings with the medieval art style like damn she hunker him up to the max I just know he was eating gooooood. But yes no it was a very sweet ending I think the funny part is that it ended in a very predictable way liek all of this was set up since like chaoters 40 or something and we all thought “nahhh that seems to cliche like there’s goign tobe a grand ending to this” but I think the grandness was the friends and Food and cannibalism we made along the way. It was good as hell I love a good happy ending I can’t wait for the anime to drop

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mar3ggiata · 3 months

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professional help, c5. preview

simon riley x original character.

abstract: hi this is Simon. okay, before you read this, I'm gonna say this once and never repeat it again. maybe she was right. don't tell her I told you, and don't you dare even remember anything I said in this stupid chapter.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs, awful deaths.

song to listen to when reading this: Heartbeat, Childish Gambino.

He had thought about Jude quite a bit. He knew nothing about her, but she made an impression on him. She was interesting. He wanted to know if she was still angry at him, for what he said. He thought a lot if he had been too rude, and he always settled on a no. He had fun, played a bit, picked a little fight. He was sure she could handle it, she didn't seem like the type to get offended easily.

He made it a mission to find out things about her. He wanted to know if she still lived in that apartment he saw a year prior, the layout of her house. Did she live alone? Maybe she had a boyfriend. How old was she? Knowing so little about this girl drove him mad. She had an intriguing presence, she was captivating. And she always seemed to crash important events. This time she didn't bother knocking on the briefing room door. She came straight in. This time she really looked like death.

'He didn't show up' she said, not waiting for anyone to speak.

Jude interrupted him, and frankly, ha quite hoped she would. 'I'm going with them'. Him and Price spoke at the same time 'You're not'. We're not out here playing spies. She didn't flinch. 'I am!'

'You're gonna tell us if you see him, 'kay?' he instructed, strapping his vest tighter on his chest. 'Sure'. They were passing by a few shops, a gas station, a mechanic shop. 'How long have you been working here?' Gaz was really interested into making conversation hu? Simon was driving silently, his foot lingering on the brakes just in case he spotted something. 'Two years' she replied. Her tone was soft unlike when she had talked to him. Her voice was warm. Not really the time to get to know each other, guys...

notes: hi... I'm very tired. I've been thinking about LIFE a lot lately. I've worked all weekend (waitressing) I'm still trying to deal with having a million exams, my ex is messaging me and I don't like one of my girlfriends anymore. life feels weird these days. I can't really get which emotions I'm feeling. I feel like I've neglected this story, I'm still posting chapters that I wrote months ago but I will have to continue at some point... and I love this story and I love Jude and I want to continue, it's 9.11 pm and I'm ready for bed guys I'm not playing with you. I'm sorry if chapter four was a bit shit. and I don't have a picture for chapter 5, I promise I will make one asap. and try not to explode. have a good night/day, full chapter on Saturday!

love, mare.

taglist:

@ummmmmwat @ghostlythots @sweetfemmefatal @natxpat @chavarriakeren647 @ravenmoore14 @farther-than-pleiades @internallyscreamings @hwromi @atoxicrat @cuti3maddi3 @deafeningkittenblaze @its-celeste @serene-hills @lexidoll12 @poohkie90 @lunatiquess

@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

@pondsblog @missyouzoe @fallenkitten @bigauthorrascalturkey @bethtay @angelynn-nicole @starluv @stargirlisworld @giyuuslittleslut @impossiblecupcakelight

@rkrivees-blog @ghosts-hoe @kam1snotverysmart @gauky76 @freyjaaasstuff @spicyspicyliving @scottpilgrimvsmyfists @courtney0-0 @shinchanboi @darling006 @my-therapist-hates-me

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chaniiverse · 3 months

Note

any good chanhee fics that you recommend? there isnt a lot of new biased peopel

Oh my. I love this ask so much! As a channie girlie there really is so less fics of my man 😭. It physically hurts but I re-read so manyyyy of the ones which are out there.

Simple gifts: by @sungbeam

This is like the first ever fluff (?) I read of Chanhee which stuck to me. I literally went to Beam’s DMs crying to her about this fic because I just love this so much 😭. I did not stop thinking about this fic for WEEKS especially the line “I am lonely but not when you’re here” it’s just so Chanhee coded!

That’s him, that’s just who he is: by @from-izzy

The first ever fic Izz wrote and that also for ME! Yes people, it’s for me 🥺🫶🏻. When I was reading this I literally started balling my eyes out because of how sad it was. I even sent a pic of me crying too Izz 😭💀. It’s not everyday you’d find a fic about the struggles my man went through and Izz literally depicted it all so well :)

The warmest winter: by @from-izzy

The roller coasters of ride izz went through when riding this fic was so 😭🥲. She really gave it her all when writing this sweet thing and she did not disappoint us Chanhee lovers because she ate AND served 💪. Tbh this fic is just so pure 🥺 the way chani gets jealous of Juyo (I love jealous men and I kid you not I am a possessive chani believer) made me want to bang my head against the wall SHSHSHSHSHS

Redemption of love: by @winterchimez

You guys don’t know how much I love this series 😔. I have never watched any musicals (NOT MY FAULT NOTHING LIKE THAT IS IN MUMBAI OKAY??) but I genuinely saw this one clip (it was in the first chapter of this fic) of the chandelier falling and oh my the way I was like “I NEED TO WATCH THIS MUSICAL!?” But not only do I love this fic because it’s Chanhee but also because ik how much this means to Als 🥺🫶🏻.

Even if the world caves,: by @kimsohn

Yall shru wrote this fic for me and me only and I will die while holding this fic close to my heart because it means a lot to me and I love this very much just the way I love my shru. The way I went through so many different emotions while reading this fic 😭. Like omg I get enemies2lovers AND a cameo of Vernon?? It’s a good day to die yeah? You guys have to read this fic written by shru ASAP!

# ur such an emo!: by @cloverdaisies

I will never shut up about the fic written by clo because they’re just so magical and makes me want Chanhee more than ever. Tbh this was such a surprise for me when clo said she wrote a fic for me 🥺. I already knew that she was busy with her work and all and then she just goes “Sana I wrote a Chanhee fic for your birthday.” Out of nowhere and me just sitting there balling my eyes out because 🥺🫶🏻. And then again we love enemies2lovers in this household especially when it comes to Chanhee so yes. We love this fic dearly.

Black hearts: by @cloverdaisies

The way clo depicted all the prompts given by me and @winterchimez in this fic has me on chokehold ngl 😭. I went to sleep after talking with ally and clo and then when I woke up BOOM BAM POW Clo had posted it already. I lowkey screamed when I saw this and the way it literally has all of our biases in this fic 🥺😭. Side note: I miss our lil trio yall 😭🥺. Late night chats again when 😭.

Valentines win: by @strayed-quokka

Omg my lenlen 🥺🫶🏻. She dedicated this one for me. Ha! *flips hair* be jealous 😍🫵. I was smiling like crazy when reading this fic of hers tho, the way Chanhee was like “no I am going to win this for you. I am not gonna back out” made my heart melt 🥺. Because we all know Chanhee is not a sporty type of person so him trying to win this just made me want to bash my head against the wall 😭🤧. And the fact that it was a POKÉMON SOFT TOY MADE IT MORE BETTER SISJDJDJ.

Chanhee with a girly gf: by @astrae4

If I don’t mention this one it’d be a serious crime and I do not want to go in jail 😭😢. This is the first ever work i read of Gill (that’s a lie. The first one was the channie smau) and this literally made me giggle so much 😭🥺. It has been a while since I read this again but we love this fic a lot 💪

Lipstick stains: by @slytherinshua

This very fic of Chanhee made me fall in love with him even more. Like you don’t get this fic the way I do. It literally took me out of my writers slump 😭🤧. It literally made me want to read other fics again because it reminded me that there are still good writers out there who write for my man 😭🥺. And u get husband channie. What else do you want? Be fr 😭

Something blue: by @deobienthusiast

I was beta reading this fic for K and I divorced Sangyeon and married Chanhee instead. End of the story. I was literally balling my eyes out because no way in hell would I treat my best friend (why be a best friend when you can be my best boyfriend tho?) Chanhee the way the reader did 🙄. Like?? But I love how Chanhee still showed up to her wedding (wanna make it our wedding instead?) despite everything the reader said to him 😭.

I think if you guys want a part two of this plz let me know 🥺🫶🏻. I would have added some smuts but idk if you’re a minor or an adult so 😭. In the part two (if you guys ever want it) imma add the ones I read on Wattpad too! (There’s only two but whatever)

Here’s some Chanhee for a good day ahead!

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hisunshiine · 2 years

Text

—daydreaming | kth

→ posted: nov 19 2022 → pairing: kim taehyung x reader → genre/au: strangers2???, camboy!au, fluff-ish, smut → chapter rating: +18 / M for Mature → wc: 2,585 → warnings: taehyung is too hot, mentions of his insta picture his rude ass posted that has us all feral, sexual talks via social media platform messaging, explicit smut in the form of: exhibitionism via internet, mutual masturbation, use of sex toys for masturbation, use of pet names, praise, reader is more of a sub type, but not full blown submissive. → credits to my beta readers: @whippedbywonho1 on twt, @downbad4yoongi, and @peachiilovesot7. thank you so much for your feedback and for helping me come up with this story this morning! just talking about taehyung and his ig posts caused this, and i love that for us. hahah. → summary: Give me all of your love, gimme something to dream about. KTH is your favorite camboy, and as a loyal subscriber, you are chosen to test out some new features on the platform he uses to go live. He’s really good at selling his viewers a dream, and as a thanks to a new milemark he’s hit on the platform, he’s choosing one winner to get their fantasy scene. → an: blame the ig post that tae posted for this one. i literally had to write this asap so as soon as i had my laptop, i typed non stop and then had it beta read and then created the images and now.. a late night drop for y’all. enjoy!!

part 2 | series masterlist

The notification spreads across the top of your phone screen alerting you to a new message from KTH saying he would be going live within the hour as a surprise for his most loyal followers. Sitting at your favorite coffee shop near your workplace, you hastily close your laptop and pack up your things so that you can get home before he starts.

You aren't working too far from home, only a short bus ride if the traffic is okay. You impatiently drum your fingers on your laptop case as you read the full notice he sent about his impromptu live from your bus seat. The city passes by quickly, and after a brisk walk from your bus stop, you finally enter your apartment, kicking the door shut behind you before shucking off your shoes and locking the door.

Your laptop unceremoniously is deposited on the top of your bed as you plug in the various cords for your electronics and check the status of the ones you unplugged to make space. Another ping from your phone causes you to dive for it, seeing the seven minute warning from KTH for when his livestream will start, accompanied by something new as well—a special code.

Shedding your clothing down to just the comfortable bits, you lay on your stomach, opening the laptop and signing into your lock screen before pulling up his site and typing in your code. A screen you’ve never seen before pops up asking you to complete a profile for KTH’s page, like uploading a profile picture and entering your address.

You read more about the reasoning behind it because you’re a little hesitant to provide that level of intimate information; this session will be a little different because he’s testing a new beta feature with select fans from the platform that allows him to click on the profiles and learn about his subscribers and see the individual comments they’ve left for him. KTH wants to feel closer to his loyal subscribers—his fans know what he looks like and some stuff about him, but he has no idea about the people who leave him nice messages and send him gifts.

He has a countdown timer set for when he will start, and you decide to fill out the profile while awaiting his appearance before you. He’s usually good about following his streaming schedule, with various set times he goes live so that followers all around the globe can tune in…when it’s appropriate for them.

The sound of him connecting through the airwaves sends a shiver down your spine, and you use your feet to kick your blanket over your legs so you can grab it and get a bit comfier without having to turn away. He appears on the screen, golden skin and floppy, permed hair in all his glory. A close up on his upper half, with only a white tee pulled across his broad shoulders, his chest visible.

He’s so handsome. A smile breaks out across his face as he reads through the list of subscribers who are already on, and you can’t help the way your chest tightens as you see his lips move as he quietly mouths your username. KTH’s Baby Girl. He smirks, looking back at the camera as he leans back as if to settle himself better into his computer chair.

“Everyone, hi.”

His voice is a low timbre, sweet and full like molasses. You drink him in, the low lighting of the room he’s in adding to the ambience of his stream.

“I know this was unplanned, and I wanted to talk to you about the notice, and why only my most loyal subscribers might have been sent a notification. Today is a special day. I’ve hit a level of interaction that allows me to become a verified account and it’s all thanks to the loyal fans—” he leans into the camera, and it feels as if he is staring into your soul when he finishes his sentence, “—it’s all thanks to you.”

You lick your lips, eyes dropping to the collar of his shirt that’s shifted to show the delicate bone structure of his décolletage, wishing you could imprint burgundy traces of yourself onto him.

“So this intimate session is with only a few of you, and one of you will be lucky enough to win a one-on-one session with me after this. The rules are simple, you’ll drop in the chat your fantasy, something you’ve always wanted to experience or do, no matter how wild, and I’m going to choose the one I want to do the most.” KTH winks at the camera before lightening the sexual tension with a chuckle.

“I can see a few of you have set up your profiles, on my end, I can see the squares of everyone who uploaded a picture and damn…this definitely will help me today.” He pauses staring at his screen and a small delusional part of you hopes he’s talking about your picture—a risque one you took for a guy you used to talk to—but you’re sure others have uploaded images of sexual positions or their breasts and—

“I’ll give you all a few minutes to send me your wildest dreams and finish your profiles if you want, and I’ll finish getting set up for today’s fun. Start your submissions with ‘If I had my way with KTH…’ so I know it’s your official entry.”

Sighing, you move your cursor to minimize the fullscreen and bring up the chat, cursor blinking in the empty box as KTH disappears from the screen and sensual R&B music begins to play.

You can’t think of anything to write, your mind blank as all thoughts are on KTH. You aren’t usually a negative thinker, but knowing that he’s going to pick the one that he likes the most adds a challenge to winning that makes you doubt your chances. You don’t know enough about him to know what he’s interested in to make him choose you.

Just focus on what you want, girl!, you say to yourself, shaking your head as you clear your mind to really think about what your fantasy is with KTH. You know that your ultimate fantasy includes no screens, just in-person intimacy with him, but what you really want to do is please him. You begin to type, following his directions to share with him what you want most before hitting send and then reading through some of the other messages on the screen.

[start of image words]

KTH: Start your submissions with ‘If I had my way with KTH…’ so I know it’s your official entry.

69KTH: If I had my way with KTH, I would want to watch him edge himself over and over until we ran out of time, him never cumming during our time.

KTHisDaddy: If I had my way with KTH, I want to see him jerk it with the camera from behind and under, with his ass to the camera, a buttplug filling him up and his hand or a toy stroking his fat cock.

KTH’s Baby Girl: If I had my way with KTH, I would want him to show me how to please him, show me what I need to do so that I can be his good girl. Whatever he wants from me, I would follow his lead, because his pleasure, him being proud of me, would make me feel good. I want soft music, candles, and KTH however he wants me.

CumDump4KTH: If I had my way with KTH, I want to watch him cum into a cup and then slowly pour his spunk back onto his sensitive dick and then jerk himself with it until he cums again.

KTHfuckme: If I had my way with KTH, I want him to use as many toys as possible and be loud as he talks about how they all feel, saying my name as he moans and cums all over his cock.

[end image words]

“Thank you for being patient.”

KTH appears back on the screen, but this time, your breath stops. The music is lowered and the camera is held above him in his own hand, an angle that he rarely uses. In fact, you can’t remember ever seeing him go full body, the lights dark with him appearing in shadows. He’s shirtless, the shape of his silhouette leaving your body yearning.

He lowers the camera, laughing playfully with a deep sound as he teases the camera, leaning closer and licking his lips, smirking, and making eye contact while he reattaches it to his tripod. He knows he’s deadly and he doesn’t care. You’re glad.

“I took my device with me so I could read the messages as you wrote them. They were hot. You all are so creative. Even if you aren’t chosen for the one-on-one, you still may end up seeing your fantasy brought to life on a live.”

You smile, hoping that means he likes the idea you shared for setting the mood. You didn’t have to have him all to yourself. When you watch him in fullscreen with the chat hidden, it feels like it’s just the two of you anyways.

“I know some of you might not be able to stay since this wasn’t planned, but I’ll send you a message if you win once this session is over. Now…let’s begin.”

KTH always makes it good for his viewers. He always has a theme or a story for his lives, often dressing up to get in character. Today he has a little story about being a lovestruck boyfriend to his viewers, and he’s away on a business trip missing you. He sets the scene as if he’s in the hotel room, facetiming you before bed.

It starts out cute, with him talking about his day and how much he loves and misses you, before he turns it sensual, sharing exactly what he misses most. He’s already stroking himself, a wide view of him seated on the bed, shirtless with pajama pants pulled to his ankles.

You’ve already joined him as well, your dual action toy lodged deep within you on low vibration, the clit suction on one out of ten as you tease yourself, warming up to help time your orgasm with his. You roll your hips, movements pushing the tip inside you into your g-spot with each rock against the mattress.

“I think what I miss most,” he pants, cock held firm in his grip, “is watching the way all of your holes swallow me up, as if you can’t—fuck, baby—as if you can’t get enough of me.” KTH’s hand spreads the mix of lube and precum along his shaft in quick motions as he lets out a low growl. He’s good about keeping it gender neutral for his fans, though he slips up a few times and will use a gender when he gets lost in the feeling. Reaching next to him, he grasps the clear, silicone toy that’s shaped like a donut, and slowly slides it onto his hard member.

Lowering his back to the mattress, he uses his legs as leverage to fuck up into the toy held in his hand, his other hand using a small remote to control the zoom on his device. It brings you closer to his throbbing dick and you up the speeds on your toy, mouth drooling to take him into your warm hole as your body convulses a little at the speed change.

You watch as he lifts one leg, placing his foot on the mattress to make sharp, forceful thrusts, and he’s getting sloppy, whole body moving in euphoria. Your eyes roll back as he moans out, “Good girl.”

“Yes, I’ll be your good girl, fuck, I want you so badly.”

You can’t help but talk back to him despite knowing he can’t hear, and soon all you can hear are the groans that you’ve learned are his tells. He’s about to cum.

“Fuck, KTH, cum for me, please…”

“I’m gonna cum, fill you up like the good girl you are for taking all of me—”

“Yes, yes, please, I want it,” your fingers press the buttons and your muscles tighten as your lower tummy pulls and twists as your climax builds and then—

“Give me your orgasm, baby, I can’t cum until you cum,” and you scream out his name, or his online pseud, and it’s as if he knows, because he’s releasing, hot spurts leaking out around his fingers as he slows his strokes to ride out his high, murmuring praises as his form of aftercare to all of his subscribers through the internet.

You fight to get your fingers to listen to you so you can turn off your toy, the overstimulation causing tears to form as you try to take as much as possible until he stops his motions as well—anything to make it seem like it’s real, like he’s really yours, and this is just you and him.

He slides the toy off of himself at the same time you switch yours off, and you sigh in satisfaction as he sits up and adjusts the camera so you can see his face better.

“You did so good, baby, I’m so proud of you.”

His voice wraps around you like a safety blanket, warm and so full of adoration, you almost believe he’s yours.

He leaves the screen momentarily and you can hear the rustling of cloth and the sink running. When he returns a few moments later, his pajama pants are back on his hips, though lower than before and he seats himself back in the computer chair.

“I hope you all had fun today with me, and keep a lookout for a private message from me announcing the winner. Wherever you are in the world, I hope the rest of your day is amazing, whether it's to start your day, sleep, or go to lunch.”

He gives a little wave before blowing the most unserious kiss at the camera, and the black screen saying ‘This live has ended’ appears.

Rolling over in your bed, you stretch your arms back as you groan, muscles still tense and coiled from how good the orgasm felt. Reaching down, you carefully detach yourself and get up to take care of cleaning up the mess KTH made you make.

While in the bathroom, you hear your phone ping, and you rush to get to it. Swiping down to read the whole message, your face falls, false hope crushed as you shake your head at yourself.

‘Thank you for being a loyal fan. I had a lot of fun today. While everyone’s ideas were great, I can only choose one winner.’

Dropping your phone back to your bed, you curse yourself for thinking he would actually choose you and your fantasy as his favorite. Especially when some of the other’s were so much more detailed and hot.

You’ve just taken two steps away to finish up what you were doing when your phone goes off again.

[start image words]

KTH: Hey MY Baby Girl ;) I wanted to tell you that you’re the winner of the session today. Your idea really had me thinking and I’m excited to test another new beta feature...Let me know when you’re free for the one-on-one session.

KTH’s Baby Girl: I...thank you so much! I’m free most anytime that you want to do this, I’m so excited. There’s another new beta feature?

KTH: Yes, this one takes it a step further, so not only will you be able to see me, but I’ll be able to see you, too.

[end image words]

thank you for reading! feedback is greatly appreciated!! please let me know what you think, especially if this should be continued...

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