#I really like people’s eyes but I never have any way to describe them lmao
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jamethinks · 3 months ago
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Finally found out the word to describe Melinda, Damian and Sylvia’s eyes. They’re downturned. Makes them cunty. The same kind of eyes Marylin Monroe had. Always made their designs stand out the most to me. I’ve been fighting for my life trying to describe it in a way that makes it clear why they’re so stunning and unique but now I got it
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almightygremlinblob · 5 months ago
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A Honey Trap For The Butterfly
Nanami Kento was everything you needed in a therapist, only as long as you ignored the sinking feeling in your gut.
Even tho there's nothing describing the act of s*x here, it's still a yandere fic - so minors and those not comfy with yandere stuff DNI and have a nice day! 🫶🏽
Word Count: (will update when life stops life-ing lmao)
⚠️Content Warnings⚠️: UNBETA'D, Dead Dove Do Not Eat, Yandere!Therapist Nanami Kento, Gender!Neutral Reader (and no bits mentioned), Modern!AU, Hurt/Comfort, Soft Yandere, behaviour that SHOULD NOT be tolerated irl, Nanami says some very comforting shit to manipulate you, no curses.
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⚠️Further Content Warnings⚠️️: Unhealthy power dynamics, HEAVY and subtle emotional manipulation, implied stalking, mention of sexual activities, professional boundaries are OUT the window.
When your gut tells you something is wrong, one tends not to believe it at first, and this causes you to dismiss any further warnings.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Sorry, I-I'm just..."
"There's no need to push. Only if you're ready."
"No, I-I'd like to."
Therapy was a tricky thing. There was the problem of getting the right medication for you. There was also the problem of finding the right therapist for you. Which is why some people - like you - search for a very a long time until you finally found one that clicked. Nanami Kento, who was practically everything you needed in a therapist.
"The nightmares are about your family, yes? They say nightmares are ways for the mind to release overwhelming emotions. Can you tell me more about them?"
"Y-yes, I...these nightmares are always the same. My family talking about me behind my back, it's...I feel alienated."
"Hm...it's no wonder these nightmares always coincide with upcoming family gatherings." He scribbles something down, and turns his full attention towards you. "If you're okay with sharing, what makes you think they're alienating you?"
"I...now that you mention it Doctor, it does seem to coincide, but...I-I don't believe I've mentioned...how did you-"
"Ah, it's just an observation." He waves his hand dismissively. "And I told you, you can call me Kento."
-------
"I-I'm so sorry!" You apologize profusely, embarrassed and just a little defeated when you turn up short at the cashier of your favorite coffee shop. There's a brisk walk, and someone familiar drops some change at the cashier for you. Though being payed for was a surprise, the person paying was not. It was Nanami, who you seemed to run into a lot. So much, that bumping into your therapist outside of your sessions was almost the norm. Something about living nearby.
"Oh, Doctor, I-I'm really sorry about this!"
"Oh don't fret, it was only a few bucks." He offers his hand. "Come, sit with me."
You're taken aback. It's not like you didn't WANT to. Nanami was a very attractive man; well built, broad shoulders, and such a handsome face. But, still, he was your therapist. There is a very faint alarm, all the way at the back of your mind, that makes you feel just a little bit uneasy at the proposal.
"A-are you sure this...I mean, i-is this okay?"
"Of course." When he intertwines his fingers with yours, his face and eyes and words are completely welcoming. Laced with nothing but care in order to hide the ugly side just waiting to devour you.
"It's just coffee, love."
-------
-------
"I think last session was a very eventful one. You did a lot well this week. I'm quite proud of you."
"Still...I-I don't think it was right for me to just cut everyone off like that. Now I don't have anybody..."
"You have me. They don't care about you." The fingers that brush your cheek are too gentle for how dangerous they feel. "You know this...it's why you came to me in the first place. They never cared, not truly. Not like I do."
"I know it doesn't seem like it, but you made the right choice. Now..." His warm and strong hands linger on top of yours, as he hands you the paper for your medications. "See you for lunch after?"
"I just can't believe they'd do that to me..." You try and keep yourself from crying any more. "They're my family. Why would they go around spreading rumors like that! I nearly lost my job..."
"Hey, hey...don't worry about them anymore, okay? Just leave them behind." Nanami gently cups your face with his hand. "You don't deserve to be burdened with dead weight."
"It's okay. You'll be okay." His eyes go over to your lips, as he tilts your head to better align with his. The room suddenly feels awfully quiet, too constricting, when his lips meet yours. "I'm so proud of you. You know that, right?"
-------
"I think I've come a long way." You sigh and laugh softly. "I'd like to celebrate but...I-I'm not sure how. I'd like to minimize my spending..."
"Well, I'd have to agree, you ARE making fantastic progress." He takes your hand in his. "If it's alright with you, I'd like to celebrate it with you. I have a few ideas we could try."
"Oh, of course!"
"Date night." He brings your knuckles to his lips. "Your apartment."
Nanami stayed over that night. Worshipped your body as if he was made for it. He was a wonderful lover but, the entire experience left you feeling wrong, somehow.
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"I don't know what to feel...I just...they're all dead. My family, they're all..." It was all too much, and Nanami wraps his arms around you. "I know what they did but, still, I..."
"Oh, love...it's okay. Let me handle everything; planning, funeral expenses. Everything."
"Kento, that...that's too much-"
"Nothing in the world is too much for you, my dear." He holds your face when you start to cry again. "I would do anything for you."
When he looks at you, his eyes show a devotion and adoration so strong it borders insanity. You'd never expect this 'gentle giant' to be the one that caused your family's deaths. It was nothing you've ever seen from him, and it unsettles you.
"Anything. You know that, right?" He seals it with kiss on the lips, just a bit too harsh, just a bit too possessive. "Stay here, with me - where you belong. Don't worry anymore."
"You're home now."
When your gut tells you something is wrong, one tends not to believe it at first, and this causes you to dismiss any further warnings. It is just one of the many ways that humans self-sabotage. Though, for many manipulators, the intention is to make their victim do so by putting up a welcoming and disarming front - a perfect honey trap.
.
.
Writing this was a TRIP man, ughk. It's so tame and light as a yandere fic but something about writing subtle manipulation just makes my skin crawl the most. 😭 Anyways, hope you enjoy! ✨🫰🏽
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secretsecretbunny · 9 months ago
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idk if you do drabble requests but I love your writing so much! you really have a way with words so i was wondering if maybe you'd do a drabble about new!idol fem reader (can be solo or group w/e) who really looks up to and admires BTS and they meet her before watching her perform for the first time? also maybe there's some flirting? (idc which members I'm ot7) just one of my lil day dreams I wanna get out there 🥺 anyway! keep writing, you're genuinely really good 🫶🏻
I do now!! This sounded too cute to pass up 💕
Title: "Run."
Genre: drabble, one-shot, casual??? fluff??? idk how to describe this one lmao. I hope you enjoy!
Notes: y/s/n = "your stage name". Things that are underlined are links to the outfits described.
Your nerves had you literally shaking with anticipation as you waited behind the scenes of the show. So many incredible talents were performing today and here you were, an unknown newbie who was about to take the stage in front of a live audience. Why did they even want you to debut at this big of an event in the first place? Your manager reassured you it was because they believed in your talent and knew that taking a chance on you and letting your first performance be somewhere as prestigious as this would draw in fans, who would appreciate the unique sound you bring to the table. In particular, if the responses of other idols who are more famous and well-known were captured on camera and shared with their fanbase through broadcasts or similar media channels.
The way they styled you had you feeling nervous as well, with a form-fitting pink mini skirt that hugged your curves and a white button up top that was tucked in with a black and pink tie, adding a touch of elegance to your look. The cropped black blazer and black gogo boots with heels made you feel like you were going to fall at any moment, but the white leather garter with a chain on one of your thighs added a bold touch to your outfit. You felt a little exposed but you took a moment to be silently appreciative of the safety shorts you wore beneath your skirt.
You had always dreamed of being part of a group, working together towards a common goal. That's why you were initially brought on as a trainee for the company in the first place. However, after careful consideration and evaluation of your skills and strengths, it was ultimately decided that your talents would be best utilized flying solo. But you deeply wished you had people to lean on, members who could offer support and distract from your potential mistakes. You tugged at your skirt awkwardly as you stood around waiting for your time to perform. You still had nearly 30 minutes but you were too nervous to sit, instead you opted for watching the screen positioned on the wall, showing the current performers on stage.
You smiled at the screen at the talent being shown. BTS. You had a deep admiration for the group and enjoyed watching them perform their song DNA. The members exuded confidence and comfort on stage, making it seem like they never worried about mistakes at this point in their career. You watched as they moved fluidly across the stage, perfectly in sync with one another. 
A close up of Jimin had you grinning like an idiot. God he was pretty. Fuck, they all were. Hoseok with his vibrant smile, Namjoon with his unique features and buff build, Yoongi and his piercing eyes, Taehyung sporting the flirtiest looks you had ever seen, Jungkook somehow looking both innocent and dangerously delicious, and Jin with his world wide handsome face. And even more than their looks, they were so incredibly talented and hardworking.
You had heard the detailed story of how they rose to the top, overcoming numerous challenges and obstacles along the way. Their journey was filled with both good and bad experiences, but through it all, they showed great dedication and strength. And here you were, you hadn't even had your first performance yet and you had been ready to give up multiple times just during your 4 years of being a trainee. Working for the same label as the musicians who inspired you to pursue music in the first place left you feeling both grateful and slightly out of place, as if you hadn't earned your spot there yet.
You completely dismissed those thoughts and made your way towards the snack and beverage area, specifically designated for idols and staff members. You were in dire need of water and something sweet to give you an energy boost. As the boys finished their performance, the booming cheers from the crowd echoed through the air. You froze in surprise when you heard the seven of them laughing and panting out of breath as they entered the same room you were in. You attempted to seem nonchalant as they eagerly grabbed water bottles and snacks for themselves, while you discreetly tucked your hair behind your ear and reached for a water bottle too, all the while listening intently as Jungkook and Hoseok laughed uncontrollably about some unknown joke or incident.
In their fit of laughter Jungkook backed up into you, making you stumble back a bit. He whipped around suddenly "shit, sorry!" he apologized with a small bow. "Kookie you've gotta be more careful!" came a voice from behind you. The voice placed a hand on your shoulder. "You okay?" As you turned your head, you caught sight of Jimin with a gentle smile on his face. You quickly nodded in response, your eyes wide, causing him to let out a soft chuckle. "Hey! We making new friends?" Came Hoseok's voice as he reached his hand out to you. "I'm Hoseok. Or Hobi, J-Hope, whatever's fine." he said. His signature smile was contagious, spreading warmth to the pit of your stomach as he spoke. You took his hand lightly, stifling a giggle. "I uh, I know who you are. I'm y/n. Or y/s/n. Whatever's fine." You mimicked with a warm smile. He laughed. "Nice to meet you, y/n!" His hand was warm, and making your head swim, prompting you to let go.
"Wait, y/s/n?" Yoongi asked, stepping into the conversation. "The new girl? You're debuting today, right?" As you glanced in his direction, your nervousness was evident in the rapid nodding of your head. "Mhmm! In uh.." you checked the time on your phone. "shit.. 15 minutes actually." You said, taking a shaky breath in. "Nervous?" came Taehyung's voice from behind Yoongi.
You were now the center of attention for the seven boys, who were anxiously anticipating your next words. "Incredibly so.." you replied, making them all smile at you. "Hey I'm sure you're going to do great!" Namjoon chimed in "yeah, you're going to sound amazing!" Said Jin. They all nodded as you laughed
"you guys have never even heard me sing, how would you know?" You asked with a playful lilt in your voice. "Well, you're beautiful, so I'm sure your voice matches." God. Jimin was just as flirty as people described him, with a playful smile and a wink that could light up the room. You rolled your eyes with a laugh. "Smooth, pretty boy." You chuckled out, making him smirk. Jungkook looked you up and down for a moment "Your outfit looks great, your stylists did an amazing job." You took a moment to examine your outfit, making sure every piece was in its place and smoothing out any wrinkles on your skirt.
"Thanks, I actually had to beg them to add black into the theme. They originally wanted me in all pink and white and that's just... really not my vibe." This had Hoseok raising a brow. "What's not your vibe? ...sweet and innocent?" He asked with a smirk and the tilt of his head.
For just an instant, your eyes flickered with something that looked almost like mischief before settling back into their usual serenity; however fleeting this transformation may have been, its impact left ripples. Luckily you were saved by staff running up to you. "Y/n you have 10 minutes! Please come get your hair and makeup touched up!" The girl sounded almost panicked. You gave her a sweet smile. "Be right there!" You said, putting your sweet and shy persona back on. "I should run. Thanks for the pep talk, boys!" you said with a small bow. "You got this!" Namjoon said as you turned to leave. Jin's voice stopped you "would it make you more or less nervous if we said we'll be watching?" You paused for a moment in thought. "Hmm, well, I think I'd be more motivated not to fall on my ass if I knew THE Bangtan was watching my every move." This made them smirk. "We'll have our eyes glued to you then." Hoseok said with a subtle wink, his voice low. "You better." You replied amorously as you walked away.
With you fully out of earshot now, the boys spoke. "she's cute as hell."  Jungkook said. "Hm, she acts cute, but I think she's a little darker than that." Hoseok laughed. "Her and Jimin have the same vibes" Taehyung said playfully. "Oh, so I'm cute AND sexy? Thanks Taetae." Jimin retorted playfully, making the man roll his eyes. "Alright guys keep it in your pants." Yoongi commented. "Right, let's just go watch her performance like we promised, yeah?" Namjoon stated as they headed towards the changing room to switch outfits before returning to the audience.
As you stepped onto the stage, your nerves seemed to vanish into thin air as you effortlessly slipped into your performance persona. The song you performed was sultry, sassy, and sensual. Your manager referred to it as 'the triple S.' You found that you fell into the role easier than you thought you would since you discovered that with how bright the stage's colorful lights were, you could barely even see the crowd, but you could feel their energy and passion.
As your performance was coming to a close, one of your backup dancers suddenly fell near your feet. Despite knowing you needed to continue with the choreography, it felt wrong to simply step around her and ignore her situation. So, you decided to help her up while still singing and dancing, offering a reassuring smile and squeezing her hand gently when she looked panicked. She quickly fell back into the routine and the rest of the performance went on without another issue. 
As soon as you left the stage, you were immediately ushered off to change into more appropriate clothing for sitting in the audience with the other idols who either weren't performing or had already finished their performances. A simple long black dress with two high slits on either side, though you still wore a leather garter with a chain, this time in black though. Your seat was just a row behind the bts boys, you gave a small bow and a smile as you passed them. Once you sat down, Hoseok, Jimin, and Jungkook all turned around to give you a thumbs up or small claps, telling you that you had done a good job. Despite your best efforts you couldn't fight the bright smile that took over your features.
No more than 2 hours later you were at the after party being reprimanded by your manager for stopping mid performance to help your backup dancer. "You know you're supposed to keep going in instances like that!" She barked out. "I technically did keep going! I wasn't just going to ignore her while she was struggling!" You spat back with an eye roll, arms crossed over your chest. She let out a deep sigh, her shoulders sagging in resignation.
However, before she could continue with whatever she was going to say, you abruptly turned and started walking away from her. Unfortunately for you though, your hasty retreat led you straight into the path of an oncoming person - or more specifically, their chest - resulting in a jarring impact that sent you stumbling backward several steps. "fuck! I mean, augh... sorry!" you bowed. "We're just always bumping into each other, huh? Now we're even." you looked up to see Jungkook with a couple of the boys not far behind. You let out a small laugh "I guess we are." as Hoseok walked up, he peeked around you for a moment, eyeing your manager as she huffed and stomped away.
"You get in trouble for something?" he asked. You nodded with another eye roll. "She's upset that I stopped to help my backup dancer when she fell." His eyebrows furrowed "she's mad at you for being a kind a decent human being?" You smiled "that's one way to put it I suppose." you replied. Jimin, hearing the conversation being had, pouted "I thought it made you look cool and likeable!" he said with a tilt of his head. You anxiously fiddled with your fingers, feeling a bit nervous. "Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I really hope it didn't ruin the performance." Hoseok shook his head. "Not at all! You were amazing up there!" Jungkook and Jimin nodded, agreeing. "Let me get you something to drink to get your mind off it, yeah?" He added. You smiled "sure, that'd be great."
As Jimin and Jungkook started mingling with the crowd, you and Hoseok headed towards the bar, located at the distant end of the room. The venue had arranged for an assortment of drinks to be served, and the bartender was busy filling orders.
He ordered you your drink of choice and something for himself as well. You two engaged in a casual conversation for nearly half an hour, exploring various topics and discovering shared interests such as music, movies, and hobbies. The ice in your second round of drinks had mostly melted, indicating they were nearing completion when he posed the question "you wanna get out of here?"
Halting your speech mid-sentence, you turned to face him with an inquiring gaze before your expression shifted into a sly grin that showed your true intentions. "Absolutely." You responded. He grinned widely as he grabbed your hand, his grip firm and confident, leading you towards the exit with purpose.
As you walked, he waved goodbye to his members, a gesture that seemed almost automatic. You spotted your manager heading towards you, her expression written in annoyance, causing your heart to race in anticipation. You gave Hoseok's hand a stern warning squeeze as your manager approached, making him raise an eyebrow at you in confusion. However, the mischievous grin spreading across your features told him everything he needed to know - you had no intention of being deterred by anyone.
"Run."
You said before pulling him into a dash towards the exit. You both burst into a fit of laughter as you rapidly made your way out of the building, the sound of your hurried footsteps on the hard floor growing fainter with each passing second until you were no longer in sight.
Tonight might be fun after all, you decided.
aaaa okay how was that? Thoughts? Critiques? Requests? Let me know what's up. Love you!! 🩷
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honkytonk-hangman · 2 years ago
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How It's Done (1/2)
Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Aviator!Reader
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Summary: “Like me? I didn’t even think you wanted me as a squadmate, let alone–” you stop speaking, but only because Hangman cuts his eyes sharply away from you to glare out at the ocean. “Well, I do.” He says kind of indignantly, all things considered, and eyes you almost sourly. “You can just say no if you don’t–” “–No, I do!” you quickly cut him off, because at the end of it all, you’re a little too much of a hopeless romantic to let this moment pass you by.
Warnings: erm maybe just some references to sex? jake being jake? language? minions. big warning for minions xD
Notes: This is part one of a two-parter, the next will be mostly smut lmao. Thank you for reading! I would love any feedback or comments and dont forget to reblog if you feel so inclined!!!
Masterlist
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“Well, I’ll be damned…”
You pinch your eyes shut and steel yourself at the sound of the all too familiar Texan drawl, hanging on to the hope that perhaps he isn’t talking to you. You’re out of luck though, and moments later Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin slides into the open space next to you at the bar, already posed in a casual lean as he looks you up and down appraisingly.
It makes your teeth grind.
It makes your face hot.
“If it isn’t Mirage. Would have invited you to play with us if I’d known you were here earlier…” Hangman cocks his head, and his lips tip up in an infuriatingly perfect smile. “But one can never really be sure if you’re around or not… and that's before you get in a cockpit,” he grins, but when you meet his eye at last, he looks away from you, toward Penny who seems to approach in the nick of time, saving you from needing to respond.
You blink down at your drink, and finish it quickly, unnerved by what you think might have just been a compliment of sorts from Hangman. You’d been stationed together previously, though you weren’t friends, so you’d been expecting something a little more acidic in nature. You’d heard him interact with other aviators, knew he liked to push and poke them, usually got away with it too. For some reason though, he’d never really gone there with you and frankly you’ve always just chalked it up to not being worth his time. In fact, you’re pretty sure the only times you’d ever actually spoken had been in the sky. To be completely honest, you’re more than a little surprised that he remembers you at all.
You didn’t exactly go out of your way to stand out…
You were naturally quiet, which wasn’t helped by your social anxiety, resulting in most people describing you as extremely shy. They wouldn’t be wrong, you suppose, you did tend to keep to yourself, the idea of having too many eyes on you all but unbearable to you. But if you’d thought a roomful of people singing happy birthday to you was bad, somehow being under the unwavering stare of Hangman is approximately one thousand times worse.
“Penny, my dear… I’ll have,” he stops to glance pointedly down at your now finished beer, adjusts his stance to lean even more and unwittingly makes the muscles in his bicep bulge.
“Five more on the Old Timer,” Hangman says, nodding to the man who sits on the other side of the bar.
Internally you blanch, but externally, you say nothing and give even less away, feeling a little ping of satisfaction that apparently, you know something Hangman doesn’t. Before he’d come along, you’d been carefully watching the interaction between Penny and Captain Mitchell. You’d never met the man before, but you knew how to read military insignia, which at this point, was more than you could say for Hangman, who dismisses him quickly.
You wonder if Monday morning you’ll be able to work up the nerve to tease him about it.
You’re distracted from your thoughts when Penny returns with the requested drinks. You had no real intentions of going and hanging out with Hangman and the others, but before you can excuse yourself, your empty beer is smoothly plucked from your hands, replaced quickly with a brand new one.
“Help me carry these back?” Hangman asks then, jerking his head in the vague direction of the pool table. You frown when he immediately takes off walking, not actually letting you help him at all, all four beers still slotted between his fingers. You find yourself following him anyway, as if he’d placed some kind of spell over you.
Hangman stops ahead of you at the ancient jukebox, looking back over his shoulder at you, nodding in a pleased manner when he sees you trailing behind. He waits for you, gaze never leaving your form, even as he nods to the space next to him. You awkwardly step up to the spot opposite to him, and look past the glass and at the selection inside. Hangman, once more, takes up a lean, this time against the rickety machine.
“Would you be so kind as to select track number…” he trails off as he checks the list of songs, but quickly flicks his gaze back to you, and smiles bright, tauntingly, again. “Eighty-Six?” he asks, but it's barely a question. You nod, and swallow, shifting from holding your beer with two hands to holding it with just one. You carefully tap the chunky ‘eight’ and ‘six’ keys as he watches. The machine’s little analogue screen confirms that your song is next up, and nervously, you look back up at Hangman, horrified to find he’s just been staring at your face for the past however long.
“S’been a while, Mirage.” He drawls, making you blink rapidly and look away.
“Has it?” Is all you can manage meekly in reply, surprised when he lets out a genuine sounding laugh. He hums warmly, and you practically feel it in your chest.
“And yet,” he lifts hand, two beers held expertly between his fingers, but he extends it to tap your nose, almost making you almost flinch.
“You haven’t changed at all.” Hangman grins Cheshire-like down at you, before his eyes narrow ever so slightly, and he leans in even closer while flicking his eyes up and down your form again.
“I don’t bite you know,” he tells you, his voice sounding serious, but his somberness lasts mere seconds.
“Well, not unless you ask me to first, sweetheart,” he winks and his smile grows large as your eyes grow wide and you splutter, flustered.
Your face grows hot with slight embarrassment, a wave of inner resentment at his teasing washing through you.
Hangman laughs, seemingly bored with you now, and he turns to walk back toward the pool tables. Without even looking, he beckons you to follow with one finger on his still occupied hands. For a moment your pique prevents you from doing so, certain that if you were to dip into the crowd now, he’d not care enough to seek you out again, let alone notice you were missing.
You know he didn’t mean it, you know his flirting is just to get a rise, but you also know that he’d never do it to Phoenix, or Halo, and a little bit of you hates yourself for being such a marked pushover. You make the decision now that you won’t let him do it again, if you can help it.
Your eyes travel past Hangman then, towards the pool tables where you can now see another figure has joined the other gathered aviators, and for the first time all evening, you don’t feel nervous to go join them.
You follow after Hangman, but quickly diverge from his path, cutting around a gathered group of Navy personnel to get there faster. As you approach, you take a moment to shake off any lingering anxiety, before gently laying a hand on the faded Hawaiian shirt in front of you, doing your best to keep yourself from bouncing on your heels.
Rooster half looks ready to wave off whoever is trying to get his attention, but when his shaded eyes land on you, he spins his whole body to face you, grinning widely in unguarded excitement as he gathers you up in his arms.
“Miri!” he exclaims warmly, and you can’t help the laughter that bubbles out of you when he briefly lifts you off the ground.
“I was just about to ask Phoenix if she’d seen you yet.” Rooster informs you. 
“Seen who?” Phoenix steps around him, frowning as she quickly glances you over, though it disappears quickly.
“Yeah, that about tracks…” Rooster mutters mostly to himself.
“Nat, this is Mirage, you know her right?” Rooster introduces the two of you, and while neither of you make to shake hands, you only feel friendly energy radiate off the other woman, even as she openly looks you over now, nodding at Rooster’s words.
“Right, I have heard about you… I guess there's no real mystery behind your callsign… I didn’t even realise you were here… Sorry,” she tells you bluntly, but you appreciate her straightforwardness.
“They said ‘Wallflower’ was too long.” You joke lightly, and the other woman smiles. A moment passes between you, and you get the distinct feeling that Phoenix has become determined to never let you go unnoticed in her presence again.
You aren’t sure just yet if you appreciate that, but you are sure that you’ve just made a friend.
“Mirage?” Another voice joins then and you look to your left, smiling again when you see another familiar face.
“Bob!” you move to embrace him too, not seeing the look shared between Phoenix and Payback who watch you in surprise.
“Huh. Figures.”
---
Neither you or Hangman have moved since Rooster and Mav went down. The rest of Dagger had returned an hour ago, mission complete. There was no reason for either of you to be on standby.
And yet.
When the call came through that Dagger Two had been hit, both you and Hangman had separately requested to be launched, to help, but you’d been denied.
As a rule, you made yourself easy to work with, even if those around you were less compliant, and you’d experienced plenty of that, flying alongside Hangman the past few weeks. Whether it was him leaving you to get shot down in training, or refusing to fly as a team during simulations. And yet, despite his habit of ‘hanging you out to dry’ being the reason behind his callsign, deep down, you’ve never once doubted flying alongside him in the real thing like the others seemed to.
You’re glad for that lack of hesitation now, glad that it only takes a single moment of eye contact from across the tarmac for the two of you to understand one another perfectly. Glad that when you got word that somehow, Rooster was supersonic again, you already know his answer before you even ask.
“Hangman? Hondo’s cleared us for take off with the ground crew, against orders. You with me?” you ask quietly, looking over at your wingman, knowing that when you return you’ll most certainly be court marshalled, but unable to sit and do nothing any longer.
“To hell and back, Mirage,” comes his immediate reply.
You see him move in sync with you, both of your canopy’s lowering at the same time.
You ignore the panicked voices ordering you to stand down, long enough for Hondo and the others to get you on the catapult, and by then it’s too late.
In two seconds you’re propelled from zero to over a hundred and sixty, and in your ears you hear Hangman right behind you.
---
“Do you want to get a coffee with me?” The question makes you jump, your drink almost sloshing everywhere. The sudden voice, as well as the person it belonged to, takes you completely by surprise, but you’re thankful he doesn’t draw attention to your startling.
Up until moments ago, you’d been peacefully watching the ocean toss and turn, burying your feet in the damp sand and thinking about what you were going to do with your upcoming two weeks of post-mission leave.
Most of Dagger were a little further up the shore, a bonfire crackling away, although you weren’t the only one to have splintered off. Mav and Rooster were currently standing in the shallows talking, and you think Halo and Phoenix have moved to sit apart from the others as well. You had managed to sneak away easily enough, content to just sit on your own for a while, though your efforts appear to have been mostly in vain, if the man now plopped in the sand beside you is any indicator.
You blink at each other.
“What?!” you blurt out dumbly, not completely certain you really understood what he’d said. Hangman’s lips press into a thin line, and he looks away from you, linking his hands together around his knees, and staring out at the rolling waves.
“Coffee. Would you like to get one with me?” He repeats, sounding only a smidge impatient, but it still doesn't clear up much for you.
“I… No, I heard you the first time… I… I just don’t understand… why?”
Over the past three weeks you’ve been forced more out of your shell than you ever have before. It was torture. It was wonderful.
Part of you pats yourself on the back for being able to ask him so starightly, but another part of you slaps yourself in the face for questioning him.
Hangman turns to look at you apprehensively.
“Are you asking why coffee or why am I asking you?” He speaks slowly and carefully, his face blank and devoid of any hint he was teasing, though you think he might be anyway.
“Why… Why are you asking me?” You push, shuffling your feet in the sand, drawing his attention for a moment. He looks back at your face and frowns slightly, cocking his head.
“Because I like you? And that is usually what somebody does when they like someone. Ask them.” He answers, and this time you definitely get the impression he’s politely trying not to laugh, but for once, you don’t feel like you’re on the outside of the joke.
Still, you find yourself taken somewhat aback at his confession, admitted so easily and freely, as if it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you, which confuses you.
“Like me? I didn’t even think you wanted me as a squadmate, let alone–” you stop speaking, but only because Hangman cuts his eyes sharply away from you to glare out at the ocean.
“Well, I do.” He says kind of indignantly, all things considered, and eyes you almost sourly. “You can just say no if you don’t–”
“–No, I do!” you quickly cut him off, because at the end of it all, you’re a little too much of a hopeless romantic to let this moment pass you by. Especially when for the past three weeks you haven't been able to get rid of the odd heart skips you got whenever Hangman acknowledged your presence at all.
And besides, you weren’t blind.
Hangman was ridiculously pretty, and not anywhere near as much of an asshole as he wanted people to believe.
He looks at you blankly for a moment, processing your words, before his face breaks out in a smile. It isn’t one of his usual smirks or tauntingly pearly grins, though. It’s softer, sweeter, and you stare mesmerised as he looks away from you again quickly, and down at his linked hands, nodding.
Two days pass, and even when you’re sitting across from him in a small, niche little coffee shop you had no idea existed, you feel like you’re in a dream.
You’ve never seen Hangman out of uniform, you realise, and it’s a whole new experience you’re forced quickly to process when he stands to go get your drinks.
Dark jeans, white shirt, casual jacket. It’s a simple outfit, but goddamn does he make it look good. Nervously you have to wonder if your white and blue sundress, sneakers and bomber jacket were having the same effect on him, though you highly doubt it.
He returns quickly, attentively, placing both your coffees down, before folding himself into his chair once more. You both look at each other awkwardly before you distract yourself by taking a sip of your coffee. Hangman seems to do the same, but instead of drinking, he begins tearing into several little sugar packets, and emptying them into his coffee foam.
You huff out a tiny laugh before you can stop yourself, and his eyes quickly snap to you.
“What?” he asks defensively, but the corners of his mouth twitch.
“I just… I guess I never figured you for a sweet coffee kinda guy…”
“Oh, and why is that?” his twitching lips turn into a full smirk, but it isn’t his usual Hangman smirk. You chew on the inside of your lip, and sip your coffee once more before answering.
“I’m not sure. I guess you just don’t seem like the type of guy who…” you trail off, unsure of what exactly you’re trying to say and even more; how to say it.
“Listen, I may have rippling, glistening abdominals, but I have a sweet tooth,” he says, putting on the defensiveness now, leaning toward you and pointing at himself. You pinch your brows together and purse your lips, nodding vehemently.
“I know how to have fun,” he tells you, tipping a third sugar into his coffee.
“Of that I don’t really doubt, Hangman,” you say, but his gaze snaps back to you again, almost sharply this time.
“Jake.” he corrects you.
You pause.
Of course, you knew his first name, but you’re fairly certain you’ve never once used it. Hangman has just always been, well, Hangman. But you weren’t in a cockpit right now, he’d asked you out, this wasn’t the time and place for callsigns. He wasn’t Hangman, and you weren’t Mirage.
“Jake,” you say slowly, carefully, as if he’ll tell you any moment he’s just kidding around. But he doesn’t.
“Miri,” he replies, slow like you, but softer, and it’s silly, but it sounds so nice coming from him. You shake your head and swallow.
“Jake, if you don’t like coffee, why did you ask me out for one?” you ask him, watching as he blinks slowly at you, before his gaze slowly drops to the latte in front of him.
“If I asked you for a drink, you might’ve got the wrong idea,” he starts, speaking carefully. “If I asked you for dinner, it could be too formal, too awkward–”
“–It’s already awkward,” you point out, making him grimace slightly, so you shrug.
“Coffee just seemed like– I just wanted to–” he cuts himself off and drops both hands to the table.
“Look– I just didn’t want there to be any misunderstanding about what this was. I like you. I know you like coffee.” Jake admits all in a flurry, his voice quiet, and his eyes flickering around as he speaks.
For as long as you’ve known him, you’ve never seen Jake unable to maintain eye contact, actually it seemed to be something he took immense pride in, and it always made you slightly uncomfortable, but right now he appears completely incapable, and it's not a side of Hangman you’ve ever seen before. You realise you might be meeting Jake properly for the first time.
You decide to let him off easy, with all the newfound courage Dagger had been feeding into you the past few weeks, and you change the subject.
“You know, when you came up to me at the Hard Deck that first night, I was kinda surprised you remembered me at all,” you say slowly, sipping your coffee and eying him evenly. Jake frowns then, but it smooths out into a cool grin, and he leans back in his chair, cocking his head.
“Are you kidding? I’m always clocking possible threats.” he tells you, making you cough lightly.
“How am I a threat to you?!” you ask in disbelief.
“Oh, I could name a few,” Jake teases, nodding at you, but flicking his eyes away, almost making a show of clocking an incoming group of customers behind you.
You weren’t clueless, you knew you were a part of Dagger for a reason. You were damn good at your job, but still, Jake was Hangman, not only was he an aviator you respected, he was an aviator with very high personal standards, and for him to see you as comparable to him… well truthfully, you find yourself rather humbled.
And then flustered, at his clear unabashed flirting.
“I always thought you flirting was just you messing with me,” you admit, and he grins wider.
“Can’t it be both?” he asks, leaning forward again, and clasping his hands together. He seems to have no problem maintaining eye contact now, you note. When you cold-stare him, he simply shrugs.
“You’re cute when you get all flustered and nervous, what can I say?”
“Literally anything else.” You grumble back.
You finish your coffee and push the cup to the side, crossing your arms on the table and leaning forward like he was. Jake mimics you, pushing his own coffee away, clearly with no intention to start, let alone finish it. You aren’t as good as him with eye contact though, no matter how much you’d come out of your shell, so you take the opportunity to glance sideways out the window, only for your gaze to catch on something.
Your heart thumps loudly for a moment in your ears, and you wonder briefly if you should act on the thoughts popping around your brain right now, or if you should just stay put.
You lean forward even more, and flick your eyes back to Jake who is staring at you curiously.
“Hey, I have an idea…” you start, chewing on the inside of your lip, before standing up. You only hesitate a little before offering your hand.
“You with me?” you ask without thinking, the words the same as the ones you ask time and again to your wingmen while in flight manoeuvres. Jake stares up at you for a moment, before he too stands, your heart skipping when he takes your hand. With a tiny squeeze you almost don’t notice, Jake grins, and nods.
“Oh, hey! Stop! That’s not fair!” You elbow Jake in the side, but it’s already too late. The hand he’d shot out to block your light gun had done its job, and where you’d previously been neck in neck for score on the dual Time Crisis cabinet, Jake’s character was now cheering in victory, while your screen was asking you to insert more coins and try again.
Jake chortles and you both slot your plastic guns back into their plastic holsters at the front of the machine.
“We never agreed to no interference,” he says proudly, and you sock him in the arm only half as hard as you can.
“I didn’t think it needed to be said!” you exclaim pointedly. Jake grins down at you, and collects his tickets.
“Quit complaining, all these are gonna go towards whatever stuffed bear or whatever the hell you want anyway.” He rolls his eyes, and gestures to the shoddy ‘rewards’ counter of the arcade you’d spotted from the coffee shop.
“I want the Minion.” You state firmly after glancing at the redemption counter for three seconds, and spotting the big ugly yellow creature on the top shelf. Jake sighs in a put-upon manner and shakes his head.
“See, this is how you know I really like you. I’m willing to ignore that,” he says, and you actually think he might be serious this time. You grin up at him as he takes your elbow, and begins leading you toward the back of the room.
“What are you going to cheat me out of kicking your ass at this time?” you glance around you, goosebumps trailing up and down your arm as Jake lets his hand slide from around your elbow, down your forearm and into your hand, which he squeezes as if in warning.
“I didn’t cheat, I simply used black ops tactics,” he says, narrowing his eyes at you. You purse your lips at him and narrow your own eyes back.
“Cheat.” you say again, pronouncing each syllable deliberately.
You come to a stop then, and you look up at the old photo booth machine. Jake pulls out a fistfull of tickets, squinting his eyes at the label with instructions, before looking back over at the redemption counter. He seems to run some numbers before he looks back down at you with a grin, and waves the strings of crumpled tickets.
“My cheating means we can use the booth, and still have enough for a Kevin plush, so I don’t wanna hear no more complaining outta you,” he waggles a finger in front of your nose, and you blink up at him sheepishly.
“Jake– I don’t really want the Minion…” you say, before your voice turns suspicious. “Anyway, how do you know which one is Kevin?!” you lift an eyebrow, only for Jake to roll his eyes and push you into the curtained booth.
You orient yourself in the tiny enclosed space, looking around you as Jake takes a moment to feed several lines of win-tickets into the machine before he follows you. He’s forced to duck down real low, making the space even smaller, and you both stare for a moment at the small seat barely big enough for one person, let alone two.
“Well, either you can sit on my lap, or I can sit on yours, darlin’, but I know which one I’d prefer.” Jake intones lowly, and for the first time in an hour or so, you feel yourself get all flustered again. Honestly, you’d kind of forgotten about the explicitly romantic tone of this meeting until now, and more than that, your stomach begins to flip and flop like the first time you’d gotten in a jet when he eases past you and drops himself onto the bench before patting his thighs.
“Jake, maybe if you just move over a litt–”
“No can do, honey,” and he’s not even trying to tease you, he demonstrates the spread of his legs, and the tight fit into the booth, before looking back up at you expectantly again.
“Okay… Okay…” you say more for your own sanity than anything else, and turn, quickly perching yourself on his leg before you can really think too hard about what you're doing.
Your efforts are for naught though, because the moment you’re sat down, Jake’s hands are tugging you against him further, sitting you more comfortably on the thick expanse of his thigh, and you barely repress the noise that nearly escapes you at the feeling of his fingers digging into your hips.
“There we go, sweetheart,” he says softly, almost to himself, and moves his hands to wrap around you completely. If he notices your little noise, which by his self satisfied smirk he definitely has, he thankfully chooses not to say anything. Your face grows warm, not only at the hold he has on you but at the pet name too.
“Did you just call me ‘sweetheart’?” you ask, sounding half bewildered, half incredulous, forgetting for a moment where exactly you were and why. As you look over your shoulder at the man behind you, Jake stares back, his smirk still in place even as his eyes seem to search your face, his own expression mostly unreadable.
“Would you prefer ‘honey’?” he almost purrs, his voice distinctly amused, but you notice that he doesn’t back down, doesn’t apologise or step back.
It makes your stomach twist up in knots. It makes your heartbeat skip like a record.
You turn away from him, shake your head.
“It’s fine,” you tell him bashfully, wanting to grumble slightly when against your back you sense what you think is him puffing his chest a little. Quickly, you add: “Not at work, though…”
Jake chortles, but as you peek over your shoulder to look at him again, he’s relenting, his smirk gone and replaced with a far softer smile as he nods.
“Not at work, though.” he repeats lowly in confirmation, almost making you jump when he shifts one hand to steady you around the waist, his other reaching out to begin fiddling with the controls on the lit up screen in front of you.
“Alright, let's get this show on the road shall we?”
By the time you’re exiting the tiny cubicle, Jake’s hands still attached to your hips as he follows you out, you’re both laughing quietly to yourselves. You’re amazed to find just how much Jake can affect you, either setting you at complete ease or sending you into a tizzy, depending on what he’s said or done. Usually you wouldn’t be surprised by other people’s effects on you, you were jumpy and anxious by nature, but it was rare that somebody who put you on edge as much as Jake did, could also give you such comfort.
When he detaches his hands from your sides at last to survey the sheets of photos spat out by the booth, you marvel at how much you start to miss the contact. With all the subtlety you can muster, you inch closer to him, under the guise of getting a look at the photos as well, though really, you’re only hoping that you might prompt him into reaching out for you again.
Jake chortles and points at a set of two pictures. In one, you’re both grinning madly, pulling silly faces, and in the other, you’re wearing softer smiles, and you notice now, that Jake had pushed his face a little closer to yours. It makes heat rise in your cheeks, not just at the seeming intimacy of the photo, but truthfully, of how much you like seeing the two of you like that.
“You won’t mind if I keep these, will ya?” Jake asks, looking over at you. You simply shake your head, and he grins a little wider, carefully tearing off the two pictures before pulling out his wallet and tucking them inside, for sake keeping, you assume.
Jake lets you keep the rest, and absently, you fold them into the zipper in your purse, too distracted by the fact that he does indeed take your hand again, before quickly releasing it to instead wrap his arm over your shoulder. You can’t stop yourself from smiling a little as you blink dumbly up at him, and he grins down at you, ducking his face even closer to yours.
“Now sweetheart, I believe I was instructed to win you a minion plush.”
---
Jake’s appearance in the women’s locker room should startle you more than it does. As it stands, you barely even bat an eyelash when you spot him all of a sudden in the mirror behind you, like he was enacting some sort of horror movie jumpscare. It doesn’t really have that effect on you though, his presence nowadays is both common enough and exciting enough that he holds your rapt attention whenever he’s around.
In the mirror behind you, he stands at a casual lean against the row of locker doors, making sure to face you, but also making sure he has the opportunity to rifle through your locker, get a good look at the things you kept in there.
“What are you doing?” you ask, sounding less scolding and more genuinely curious, which is a point against you as far as you’re concerned. You turn from the mirror and move back toward your locker, replacing the small toiletries bag you kept with you inside. Jake doesn’t move a muscle, standing exactly in the same position, which meant that now he was practically leaning over you, crowding your space in that way he did sometimes just to make you flustered.
You were long past the point of it really working though, now you revelled in it just as much as he seemed to, eager for any small moment where you had an excuse to be so close to him. Especially at work.
You blink up at him doe-ishly, finding his gaze exactly where you expected it to be, which is trained on your face. His signature smirk grows slightly as he meets your eye, and your stomach explodes in a flurry of butterflies and fireworks at the way he seems to either consciously or subconsciously lean even further in toward you, completely dwarfing you now. It makes you feel small in the best way possible, and you have to actively work to put aside the thoughts of his big hands at your waist, and other such things that make your legs go all wobbly.
“Say, you don’t happen to have any plans for the fourteenth, do you?” Jake ignores your question entirely, but you’re not bothered by it, too caught up now on his own query.
“The fourteenth?” you ask, a little dumbly, racking your mind for something you may have forgotten, which you know is the correct course of action thanks to the amusement currently playing out on his very handsome features.
“Valentine’s Day?” Jake supplies for you eventually, putting you out of one misery and into another.
“You want to do something on Valentine’s Day?” you’re not sure which part of his suggestion you’re not getting, but you do know that something isn’t quite clicking. Jake’s features soften only slightly, and he bends his face even closer to yours, his eyes flickering down to your lips briefly before back to your eyes.
“Mhmm. If my girlfriend is alright with that?” Jake practically purrs the words, and they reverberate down your spine, making you blink rapidly.
You don’t think you’ll ever get over hearing him call you that, although you do note that he definitely shouldn't be doing it at work, considering none of your friends and colleagues know about the two of you yet.
“Y-yes, she is fine with that…” you reply, doing your best not to sound as lovesick as you felt. Jake lifts an eyebrow and turns his body in toward you even more, almost bringing your chests to touch now.
“Just ‘fine’? Sweetheart, I am hoping to get more of a reaction than that,” he again makes a show of trailing his eyes up and down your face, and you feel yourself swallow thickly.
“After all,” Jake continues, lifting an arm now to rest against the locker above your head, actually crowding your space now. “I believe we had a discussion about exactly how Valentine’s Day would play out, around… four weeks ago?” Jake makes a humming noise, as if he himself didn’t remember clearly, despite everything else about his delivery saying otherwise.
Your lips part ever so slightly as you recall the conversation he’s referring to, a heat crackling over your skin when you realise that, despite you not remembering it until now, this had clearly been something Jake was looking forward to.
You definitely were too, now.
“Thank you, Jake… tonight was really great,” you cringe a little at how scripted the words sound, but when you look up at where Jake stands just behind you, waiting for you to slot your key into your door, he’s only gazing down at you in a way that makes you immediately drop them. The sound makes you jump and turn away, but before you can clumsily begin apologising and scooping them up, Jake takes a slight step forward, never breaking your eye contact even as he swipes your fallen keys from your feet.
He’s right in front of you now, still slightly bowed over so that his face hovers right in front of yours as if by accident, though you know it's anything but. You can’t even bring yourself to move, as much as these dates had you a little off-kilter still, you couldn't deny the fact that your feelings for the man in front of you had been increasing exponentially, in a way that was becoming harder and harder to physically hold back from.
You don’t even mean to, but your eyes drop to his lips for several beats, transfixed until you force yourself to look away again. You part your own lips, getting ready to say something, anything, but Jake sees your wandering gaze for what it is, and doesn’t let you ruin the moment.
Instead, Jake surges forward, the hand not holding your keys moving to cup the side of your face, and at the same time, stands to his full height once more, the space previously still left between you now completely nonexistent as you find yourself pushed up against your door.
You’ve had relationships in the past, but you had never, ever, been kissed like this before, all heat and fire and what you can only describe as desire. However, as that thought sets in, you find that oddly, it doesn’t fluster you like you think it should, or would have. In fact, for the first time in a really long time, you don't feel any of your normal anxieties or nerves. Everything is replaced by the knowledge that Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin is currently pressing his body against yours, his hands carefully starting to roam a little and how much you want everything that that strong grip of his promises.
Unfortunately, that's when the one useful anxiety you have left returns to you, and just as always, you can’t bring yourself to ignore it like you so badly wish you could.
It takes only a slight push against Jake’s chest for him to pull away from you, though it's as though he can’t bring himself to go far at all. He stares down at you, lips kiss-swollen and his face so close still that you swear if he blinks, you’ll feel his lashes brush your cheek.
“What’s wrong?” Jake’s voice is incredibly gravely and rough and the sound of it alone is almost enough to push you back in toward him.
“I’m sorry– I just–” the rising panic in your voice makes Jake shift again, though he still doesn’t detach himself from you entirely, he does move his hands to rest on your shoulders.
“We– We work together, and I don’t do this often–ever, actually, and I just don’t want to get into something where we can’t come back from, because I’m actually really starting to like you, a lot, and I know this is a thing normal people totally do all the time– sleep together I mean– but you’re just so– and I’m– and I–”
“Hey, it’s alright, calm down,” Jake’s stern ‘work’ voice startles you a bit, but just like always, he seems to know exactly what it is you need. You blink up at him, realising you’re clinging tightly to his forearms, and he’s looking down at you with so much concern and care you could almost just start crying.
“It’s alright, Miri,” Jake continues after a moment, lifting one hand from your shoulder to cup your cheek again. You stare at him, your brows furrowing into a frown.
“Alright? You’re not– you don’t mind that I don’t want to sleep with you?”
Jake’s lips quirk, and he rolls his eyes a little.
“Miri, the only thing I want more than to take you inside and continue this with far less clothing, is for you to want that too. So, no, I don’t mind.”
You keep staring up at him, unsure of how to proceed now, but once again, Jake swoops in.
“You want to give it time?” he asks, earning a nod from you, but you suddenly feel the need to reassure him of your own affections.
“Just to be clear, this isn’t me not wanting to have sex with you!” you state quickly, earning a somewhat confused frown from the man still cupping your cheek. “I mean, I do, that’s not an issue, my problem is specifically just… rushing into this, when we work together. Our jobs are so high-stress as it is, I just think it would be better to… I’m not sure, ease into it I guess…”
You’re glad you made a point of explaining yourself, because Jake’s face flashes with brief understanding, and his approach seems to switch tact.
“Well…” he clears his throat. “That’s still alright, but it does make it a whole lot harder to resist, I have to tell you,” you know he’s only half serious, but the way he looks at you in the dim lighting of your porch sends your insides twisting and curling.
“So… when do you think it will stop being ‘too soon’?” Jake asks lightly, but you do think it’s an entirely fair question given that you are asking him to wait for you.
“A few weeks? I’m not sure, I just…” you trail off, but watch as Jake appears to do some mental maths, and then his face lights up, his grin pulling his lips in a rather distracting way.
“Valentine's Day?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.
Before you can verbally agree, his mood seems to shift, and he’s leaning in a little closer again, lowering his voice. “I’ll take you out, real fancy, suit and tie dress code, you’ll get to wear something slinky and I’ll pretend the way I keep touching you is an accident all night.”
Your breath catches in your throat as Jake crowds in closer to you as he speaks, looking over you as if the things he’s describing were visible to him right now.
“Then, I’ll take you back to mine, maybe I’ll be presumptuous and buy you some lacy little underthings to wear for me, and–” He seems to snap out of the intensity all of a sudden, smirking down at you and cocking his head at your dazed and almost drooling expression.
“Well, the rest is a secret, but for now, let's just pencil all that in, hmn?”
“S-so, what did you have planned?” you bite your lip a little and reach past him to grab a scrunchie from your locker, but before you can slip it onto your wrist, Jake takes it off of your and begins combing your hair back himself. You stand and watch him dumbly as he does, already blanking out when his fingers seem to tighten ever so slightly as he gathers a ponytail at the base of your neck, and tugs.
You almost let out a pitiful little sound at the feeling, but unfortunately you aren’t able to control the fluttering of your eyes the same way. Jake smirks above you as he slips the scrunchie off his wrist and secures your hair into a somewhat regulation bun, all the while still grinning down at you. You want to tell him to screw valentines day and screw you now, but you manage to keep your mouth shut long enough for him to answer your question.
“I’ve already told you too much. Just be ready by seven. Wear something slinky for me, yeah?” he murmurs, letting his hands fall from the back of your head to your waist where he pulls you in.
“Alright,” you confirm, mind already wandering to what on earth you had in your closet right now that would fit the bill of ‘slinky’ and deciding that you were probably going to have to go shopping.
“Don’t worry about the lacy things,” Jake says softly, lips now ghosting over yours as he speaks, though he hasn’t broken your eye contact once yet. “I’ve already got that covered.” He says, making you go blank again.
The thought, no, the mere idea that Jake has bought you lingerie to wear, and that he wanted to see you in it, makes you want to vibrate right out of the room, and possibly several times around the planet, but you manage to resist, and instead just swallow heavily, and nod.
Jake grins wide, no longer smirking cheekily, his smile is nothing but warmth now, and you can’t help but mirror it.
“Great,” he says, giving your waist a squeeze, and you a tiny peck on the lips before he pulls away. “Now, I gotta get outta here before I get court-martialed.”
You snort as he spins on his heel and heads toward the door, but turns back and gives you a lazy salute and wink before he leaves.
When you’re certain that he’s gone, you let out a sigh and fall back against your locker, your heart thumping wildly along in your chest as you mull over your upcoming plans. The thought of shopping enters your mind once again, and you hum to yourself. Reaching for your throne, you shoot off a text to your group chat with Phoenix and Halo, and hope they won’t ask too many questions about your Valentine’s plans.
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remcycl333 · 2 years ago
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i really like when u talk abt ur own experiences when dealing with all this!! could u expand more on how u manifested ur apartment? like what ur daily life looked like, etc. bc im in a similar situation w a mentally exhausting family and im trying to get tf out lol
TW: narcissistic/co-dependent parent
yeah! so my older sister got married and moved out, leaving me alone with a narcissistic parent, so i knew i really wanted to move out and live on my own. but i had negative circumstances. for instance my parent was really co-dependent, which led to them never letting me get my drivers license or a job. even when i was 20-21. plus this was during lockdown so i didn't really have the ability to learn how to drive from other means. plus along with not being able to drive and not having the money to afford living on my own, i knew my parent would never let me move out bc they didn't want to be alone. so i was really depressed because my situation felt very hopeless.
but then i remembered the power of manifestation. i had manifested an sp at this point and other things, such as appearance changes and money here and there, but this was a "big" manifestation. big meaning that so many dominoes had to fall in just the right places, so to speak. for instance i was nervous that i'd wake up in a new apartment and not be able to pay the rent to live there and have to move out. so i was unsure if i should manifest money first, and then manifest the apartment. but what i was imagining as my end was me in my apartment with more than enough money to survive, so i decided not to manifest in steps.
i was triggered a LOT at first, bc like i mentioned i was dealing with a co-dependent narcissistic parent. like sometimes they'd talk about how i'd still be living at home till i was 25+ and the idea made me go absolutely crazy. i went through months of being miserable at the idea, thinking about how all my peers were living on their own and not having to deal with the shit i did. but eventually i just got so fed up and i decided i just needed to go completely in, because i had been putting off really applying for the longest time.
so what i did was make a note in my notes app describing my dream apartment, and i included pics i found on Pinterest of different features i wanted in my apartment. like what i wanted the kitchen and bathroom to look like, the specific vanity i wanted, etc.
then whenever i thought about it, i'd tell myself i was already there and the apartment was mine. similarly to Abdullah slamming the door on Neville and saying "you are in Barbados", any time i wondered how it would happen or think about how it hadn't reflected yet, i'd tell myself "you are in your dream apartment." it was a reminder that i wouldn't be wondering any of those things, or worrying or doubting, if i was already in my dream apartment. and i already was there in my imagination! so there was no room for me to be dwelling on stuff like that.
throughout the day, i liked to retreat to my imagination when i had time and felt upset about my 3D. i'd do so by imagining that my surroundings were different. for instance i had a picture saved of what i wanted my shower to look like (it was always my dream to have a really really nice bathroom bc my shower has always been a safe space for me of sorts lmao) so when i was in the shower, i'd close my eyes and imagine i was in that shower i had saved from Pinterest. i also did this in the kitchen when i was cleaning or cooking, and while i laid in bed at night before falling asleep.
i also never really let people come over to my house when i lived with my parent(s) bc my co-dependent narcissistic parent would always come up with some completely insane and random reason why they didn't like that friend and i'd never hear the end of it. so i'd have inner convos with myself about how i was excited my friend was coming over later and i'd come up with different things we'd be doing. this was another way i liked to fulfill myself in my imagination.
whenever i was interacting with my parent, as i way to dismiss my 3D, i just pretended i was visiting home and that's why i was with them/at their house. it helped me remind myself that being there wasn't permanent.
this manifestation took me a couple of months, as i was triggered a lot. eventually, after fulfilling myself enough and finding solace in my imagination whenever i felt bad, i was triggered less and less by my 3d and circumstances. i also manifested my parent being chiller and blowing up a lot less.
the final thing i was missing was that i was in a neutral state a lot and i thought because i wasn't upset by my 3d that meant i wasn't in the state of lack. i just had this epiphany recently on my twitter, so it took me a while to correct this issue because i didn't even know it was an issue. i had that epiphany well after successfully manifesting my apartment.
the neutral state was me being like "oh my 3d isn't too bad i kinda like chilling in my room unbothered." so i wasn't upset at my 3d, but i was still also acknowledging i didn't have what i wanted. this was fixed when i started imagining my surroundings as my dream apartment, like i mentioned a few paragraphs up.
and then one day, i woke up and my surroundings felt different. i sleep with a sleeping mask on, so when i wake up and open my eyes, it's still pitch black. but i felt the air around me was different, and the sounds around me were different. like the sound of my ceiling fan in my room was different. then i took off my sleeping mask and i was in my new room, in my new apartment!
it was kinda spooky at first im ngl. at first i thought i was dreaming, but i wasn't (i checked). then i just explored the apartment! i was paranoid i was gonna find someone in my apartment or something 😭 but the apt was exactly how i wanted it to look, and i had plenty of money in my bank account to cover rent and bills and food! and i've been living here ever since with virtually 0 problems :)
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daxymmm · 1 month ago
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“𝐀𝐬 𝐢𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮…” ❤︎
Alfred x Pickles (?) LMAO IDK
༘⋆📼˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚ TW: VIOLENCE.
The days felt increasingly empty in the place that was supposed to be his mind. At an amusement carnival that had now become a rollercoaster of endless emotions.
There he was, sitting, letting out a sigh that not even he knew was contained. His chapped lips curved into a small “oh,” the faint hisses of boredom were filling that gloom, that empty space that urgently needed to be filled. Or everything would collapse…Again.
His eyes, swollen from crying, wandered lazily through the dark corners, his mind was blank, but not in a good way, he was not “blank” as people describe an episode of ecstasy. He was blank because he decided to submerge into the deep sadness that crossed his being.
As if that were not enough, and although it did not help much, he was constantly visited by someone who claimed to hate him. He harassed him as if it were a hobby, his favorite pastime.
“You arrived!” It trailed from his lips, his eyes falling on the figure standing erect in front of him, his sadistic smile appearing not to intimidate him.
“Of course you do, brat…It's not like you know anyone else, or like there's a single person who likes you.” His voice was full of sarcasm and loaded with supposed hatred. Unlike before, the mocking and malicious laugh he let out every time he humiliated or tried to humiliate Alfred was no longer there. It had slowly vanished with the wind.
Slowly, his hatred dissipated, if there was even hatred beneath those cold, hard layers of his suit, fur, skin, bones and everything else.
“Anyway, what are you doing sitting there?”
“There's nowhere else to go…I can't do anything else.” His tone was void of any emotion except sadness, the sadness was perceptible. You would notice even if you were miles away.
However, as unlikely as it seemed, the sadness was mixed with a warm tone of joy? or maybe not. It was as if the dark, empty room now glimmered as it welcomed its guest.
“And you plan to stay there until you rot?”
Again, that tone full of feigned hatred. He forced himself to play the bad guy role, even though he didn't really want to. Even if his mind screamed at him to stop harassing Alfred, his ego would never allow it. For nothing in the world would he allow himself to stoop to such a level. For nothing in the world he would help someone who "hates with every fiber of his being."
Or at least, that's what he claims…
“No, but where do you want me to go? I can only wander around…I won’t get anything.”
Alfred's voice echoed again in each of the dark corners, in what remained of the Playhouse, in its safe place turned into ruins.
“I didn't ask you if you wanted to get something. I’m just saying get up now, your ass will freeze.”
The sentence itself was stupid, how could his flat ass freeze if he couldn't even feel pain in that place? Anyway, Pickles just wanted to annoy him.
“Where do you want me to go then? I don’t want to be alone.”
"I don't know, maybe to lose you in hell…This way I can annihilate Jews and make soaps with them without having to hear your unbearable voice."
His frown and mocking expression grew, if that was possible.
Alfred stood up without protest, his eyes avoiding contact with the other. Then he just walked aimlessly, trying to get to the other corner, but in reality there was no corner, it was just an illusion to convince him not to try to escape.
“Where are you going?” Pickles muttered under his breath, clearing his throat right after his murmur. “I mean…Get lost, brat. I don't want to see your disgusting face again!���
His complaint did not get a response, only the sound of retreating footsteps filled Pickles' ears. It was strange, his words always ended up making Alfred cry, but now he was just walking away.
Suddenly feeling a pang of anger, or desperation perhaps, his arm reached out almost involuntarily to stop Alfred, his grip strong enough to hold him there, but not enough to leave a mark.
“Wait, brat.”
“Didn't you want me to leave?!” For the first time, he had raised his voice at him, but the tone of his voice was pathetic as he tried to break free from Pickles' grip, “Let go of me!”
“Don't think I'll let you go, you moron.”
“I told you to let me-
Alfred stopped dead, his breath seeming to be drained from his lungs a few seconds later. Piclkes had grabbed him by the neck, lifting him from his spot, his scowl intensifying, his black eyes shining with jealousy.
Could he let it slip away just like that?
Well the answer is no.
“I'm not going to let you get out of here, you hear? I don't allow you to get close to anyone other than me. It boils my blood to see you even look at another, it turns my stomach to see you smile at Dominatrix, that's why I made sure there is no other left who can take you away from me.”
He didn't care that it was killing him here and now, the sick jealousy he felt was clouding his mind.
To the point that I couldn't hide anything from him…
“That's why I destroyed this place, I turned it into ashes just for you, for us. I made sure to kill anyone who dares to lay an eye on you…I killed them, because I can't stand the fact that someone breathes the air of your breath.”
“You're a fucking sick person.” Alfred drawled between labored breaths. “I told you to let go of me…” And he began to try to kick him, to desperately try to free himself as his consciousness drained out of him in a matter of seconds.
“Don't think I'll let you go.” He muttered under his breath, his grip on Alfred's neck loosening. But just a little.
“Please…” Alfred repeated, his hands clinging to Pickles' arms, getting no reaction from him. “I don't want to be alone again. “I don’t want to go back to reality.”
Then as his eyes were about to close, he was dropped to the ground with a thud, and the figure standing in front of him laughed, extending a hand to him.
“Are you stupid, idiot? Do you think I'll let you die? If you die I will too. As much as I want to make fun of your corpse for hours.”
“Don't tell me that.”
A sob escaped his lips, Pickles' hurtful words taking effect on him.
“Are you going to cry that easily? You won’t complain or anything?”
Alfred shook his head, another broken sob forced out. The thought of being alone hurt more than the recent strangulation.
“Why are you so mean to me? I never did anything bad to you…”
“Ugh, brat.” Pickles snorted, rolling his eyes and walking over him.
He took Alfred's face in his calloused hands, there was an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, he would describe it as disgusting and unpleasant. But he refused to let it go. He refused to hold it back any longer.
“You're a nasty crybaby.” He continued, pulling the other's arm tightly, bringing his face closer to his.
“What are you doing?!” Alfred said breathlessly, trying to move away, but being prevented by the other's iron grip.
“I hate you, brat.” But he didn't mean it, judging from the way he then closed the distance between his lips, it was obvious that he didn't really hate him.
On the other hand, Alfred's heart seemed to LITERALLY burst out of his chest, blood rushing to his head in what seemed like just a blink, he was left speechless. And it wasn't because his mouth was occupied with Pickles's lips, but because that kiss seemed to take his breath away in a way that threatened to suffocate him.
“I hate you…” He repeated, his voice cutting like his claws, which held Alfred closely.
But I didn't hate him, it was impossible. His actions contradicted his words, which no matter how hurtful they intended, did not have a mere hint of a threat. Well, he was the kind of person who would say “I only do it because I feel sorry for you.” Even after the most passionate kiss a person could give or receive.
୧ ‧₊˚ 🍵 ⋅
Neither of them could focus on anything but each other, Alfred's sadness faded, as did the evil in Pickles' eyes and voice. Nothing else could be perceived, and if that were not enough, when he opened his eyes, the warmth of the other's death grip was no longer there, at least not physically.
Alfred had returned to the world he hated more than the empty Playhouse, he had returned to reality. He still felt that suffocating pressure on his neck and the pain in his arms.
Now he would have an excuse to escape from reality, an excuse to return to his empty fair, which little by little was recovering its color…
THE End :)
DUDE MY FINGERS HURT A LOT UGH
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blainesebastian · 1 year ago
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new normal (ccg universe)
words: 3,339 ship: austin butler x reader summary: (based on two anon requests) this is basically a 3+1 fic! three times ccg was uncomfortable while pregnant and one time she was perfectly content notes: most of my ccg family series is in 'order' so if you want to read ‘expectant’ before this, you can! this fic also references 'you fit right here' but again, not 100% necessary to read these first :) i just like knowing my universe works well together lmao warnings: none tag list: @killerqueenfan, @austinbutlermischief , @elizabethrosecresswell, @gigisworldsstuff, @stylespresleyhearted
When you first found out you were pregnant you were excited and terrified all at the same time. You weren’t exactly sure how it was all going to work even though you were sure it would, everything had to change in ways you weren’t expecting. Not all at once, of course, a slow trickle…but even then it was noticeable. One day, nine months later, the direction of your lives would change forever.
Something to plan for, of course, but the day to day? You often times had no idea how to begin to approach it.
Here’s the thing that seems completely ironic—you finally felt like you had settled. That’s how it always appears to be, isn’t it? Once you tackle one obstacle, something else pops up like a twisted game of whack-a-mole. Not to…completely describe your relationship with Austin like that, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t feel like working over hurdles. You think it’s healthy to acknowledge that your relationship with Austin isn’t normal, far from something ‘regular’ in so many different ways.  
You tackled what it was like to date him under the very public eye of everything that had to do with Elvis. Then getting married and realizing that no matter what you did, there would always be ‘opinions’ of you and where you’ve come from, your lack of ‘worth’ automatically being connected to you like cinderblocks attached to your ankles. Didn’t matter how you had dreams of being in the industry before Austin, all that some people saw were rungs in the ladder, you somehow ‘using’ your husband to take those steps into film.
Some days bothered you more than others, but you got through it, because at the end of the day—Austin always saw you for who you truly were. And that’s all that mattered.
Becoming pregnant, as suspected, is a completely new set of hurdles.
--  one
There is really no use in keeping it quiet, the fact that you’re expecting, you’re at a party over Jillian’s when you spill the beans to Austin and things only progress from there. Your family and other close friends learn rather quickly but you don’t post anything on social media. There’s this strange sense of wanting to keep this private that envelops you like a tidal wave. For some reason, it’s one thing for people to have opinions about your relationship with Austin, your career, but it’s another for them to say things about your body like this, about the life growing inside of you.
You feel utterly vulnerable and exposed and don’t want to be in front of cameras or talk to anyone that’s not someone you both know (meaning paps or fans). You don’t stop Austin from doing so, would never demand that of him, but he also respects that you’re uncomfortable and has always been protective of you. That doesn’t change.
The first trimester is the easiest because the baby isn’t bigger than a peach, you’re not really showing, but it all spirals from there. Thirteen weeks turns into fifteen, which turns into twenty-five. And there’s really no hiding a head of cauliflower.
You kinda accept that because this isn’t going away any time soon, you’re only going to get bigger. It’s not like you’re really worried about what you look like? Moreso that your hormones are raging in a bunch of various ways and you don’t like the feeling of being looked at. Like you’re under some sort of microscope, a specimen to be studied.
Paps are nothing new, Austin is pretty good at getting them to keep a healthy distance, but no—you’re really talking about fans.
You’re out to dinner at this Italian place you love with Austin’s sister and Jillian, tucked into a booth towards the back that’s supposed to promote privacy but…throughout eating you’ve noticed that a small table of girls have spotted Austin from their seats. Again, this isn’t new and usually wouldn’t bother you.
But instead of coming over? They’re taking pictures from their seats and because the booth is close enough, you can hear them chattering on about you. It’s not a full conversation but the tailends of sentences and—since you’re on the end of the booth seat they can see the swell of your belly and they’re wondering if that’s a food baby or a pregnancy. You can’t help but bristle, the words feel louder than they actually are, you know this because your table continues on with discussions that are light and funny and easy.
Your fingers dig into the napkin on your lap, trying to lean back into the seat and just enjoy catching up, especially with Austin’s sister. But you feel like your world keeps tilting off its axis, ruining your equilibrium.
It’s really bothering you that they’re taking all these pictures, trying to be nonchalant but coming across like Gossip Girl instead.
You nearly jump out of your skin when you feel Austin’s palm rest on your knee and you blink, turning your head to look at him. His eyebrows draw together a little, “You alright?”
You nod softly, giving him a small smile but your husband doesn’t look overly convinced. You shouldn’t be surprised, you suppose, he knows you.
He’s patient, squeezing your knee as he takes a sip of his water. Jillian and Ashley are knee-deep in a conversation about an actor the make-up artist is kind-of-sort-of seeing. You’re grateful that the attention isn’t on you, which is probably one of the only reasons you turn to Austin and say,
“That table of girls over there keeps taking pictures. I think they’re trying to be subtle about it but…” You trail off, shaking your head, words getting stuck in your throat. Your hand settles on your belly and Austin glances down before looking over at the table.
You don’t have to explain, “Want me to say somethin’ to them?”
“No,” You reply quickly, not wanting to cause a scene or upset anyone. You…you get it, you were and are a fan. There are boundaries, of course? But you’ve seen and experienced way worse. This probably wouldn’t even bother you if you weren’t feeling extra sensitive and vulnerable right now.
Austin hums lightly from the spot next to you, putting his napkin on the table and motions for you to get up. You hesitate for a moment but…he’s not going to go over there when you’ve told him not to. You shimmy out of the booth and let out a soft sigh, waiting for him to stand—and then he motions you to slide into his spot.
A soft smile tugs the corners of your mouth as he runs a hand down your back. You eagerly get into the booth, Austin following, his body shielding yours from any onlookers. If Jillian or Ashley realize the switch for a reason, neither of them saying anything, instead Austin’s sister asks you about your upcoming writing project.
Austin slips an arm around your shoulders and you lean into his chest, already feeling a lot better as you begin talking. At some point during the conversation, you kiss his cheek just because and Austin smiles as his other hand gently brushes over your stomach.
--  two
The end of your second trimester somehow feels the slowest and busiest time all happening at once. You suppose it’s because you really feel yourself become the most introspective about the upcoming weeks and everything else after that, and yet, Austin’s life speeds up because he takes on another project. One of your favorite versions of your husband is when he’s working, that brightness in his eyes as he studies to become another character and figuring out what he needs to do to best bring those words on a page to life.
Sitting on a park bench near your apartment, you run your hand over your stomach and take a deep breath. The weather is just starting to turn a little chilly but it’s your favorite season—you’ve just never been a spring or summer girl. You settle back against the bench and check the time; Austin should be along any minute now. He had a lunch with his agent, and of course invited you, but you wanted a lazy day at home in bed. And that’s where you were as of an hour ago.
Stretching your legs out, you open up a small container of fruit from your purse, popping a bit of strawberry into your mouth.
“What’s the fruit today?”
You smile a little, turning your head to see Austin walking towards you. Kind of unfair how unbearably handsome he looks in his black-on-black look, jeans, leather jacket, boots…and here you are feeling like a swollen beach ball.
“Strawberry,” You tease, eating another one. You know what he’s asking.
He rolls his eyes and leans down to steal a kiss, humming at the taste of your lips.
“You ask like, every day,” Laughing lightly, you put the lid back on your fruit container and slip it into your bag, “It’s a rutabaga—we’ve moved into some vegetables.”
Austin crinkles his nose, “Never had a rutabaga.”
He reaches his hand out to help you off the bench and you hum softly, gaining your footing, “Would it help if I said she’s the size of the hamburger phone from Juno?”
Pursing his lips, he nods, “Slightly.”
Walking back towards your place, Austin wraps a loose arm around your shoulders. “How did lunch go?”
He nods, “Good, mostly just event planning, that sort of thing.” He glances down at you as you both pause to cross the street, the light blinking red, “I got somethin’ next week, lowkey schmooze event. Want to be my date?”
You let out a slow sigh and move forward to walk with him, quiet for a few moments as you contemplate. It’s not that…there’s just so many thoughts buzzing in your head about attending an event with Austin. The first one you went to as a couple you nearly had a panic attack in the car, and now you’re…like this? You hate that you’re feeling so cliché about what you look like when you’re pregnant but—
“Feels like I should be glowing but I actually just feel a hot air balloon.”
Austin smirks lightly, shaking his head, “You’re beautiful.”
You roll your eyes even though your cheeks kiss pink—compliments from him never fail in making you feel good. “You’re bias.”
“Absolutely,” He grins and a small laugh rumbles out of your chest as you get closer to the apartment. “You don’t have to go if you’re not feeling up to it.”
You chew on your lower lip—you know that he wants you to go, otherwise he wouldn’t have mentioned it. There’s no pressure there, obviously, other than a selfish need to want to spend time together. You can relate to that.
“I’ll go,” You give him a small smile, “Hope there’s good snacks.”
Austin smirks, drawing you close to press a kiss to your temple. “We can leave early if there isn’t.”
And that seems like a good enough plan. You’re about to mention maybe grabbing some sort of snack now, you’re craving chicken tenders of all things, but then someone steps right into your path and nearly has you stumbling off balance. You’re about to apologize, but then you see the camera and—seriously? A minute away from walking back into your apartment?
You know you sort of signed up for this by deciding to date Austin, to marry him, to create a family together but sometimes the lack of privacy drives you utterly crazy. Is it really too much to ask for a little peace? Especially when you’re not feeling your best.
“Not today,” Is all you manage to get out before Austin is stepping in, shifting positions so that you’re in front of him. It’s easier to direct you towards the front door and unfortunately if there’s one pap, there’s usually more.
“Got a name for the baby yet?”
Austin puts his arm up, walking a bit quicker as his other hand squeezes your hip, “What have I said about puttin’ the camera in her face guys?” His voice is calm but firm, not willing to entertain any of these questions.
“When’s the due date?”
You bite your tongue on hissing out none of your business and walk up the steps to the front door. The doorman, Mike, quickly opens up to usher you both inside. Shaking your head, you run a hand over your stomach, back and forth as you make your way to the elevator with Austin.
“Sorry,” Austin says after a moment and he always does this, like he has to apologize for the paps and take responsibility for them.
You shake your head, gently waving off his apology as you lean against one of the walls, “I should start whipping cameras down,” And you’re joking…mostly, “That’d be something to write about.”
Austin smiles a little and you can see the firm line along his shoulders begin to relax. He reaches for you, drawing you close to his chest and presses a kiss to your forehead, the bridge of your nose, and finally your lips.
--  three
You only regret telling Austin that you’ll go to this event with him just once and it’s when you’re getting ready and the zipper of your dress won’t work. For starters, it’s on your side and you…while you know that means it should be easier to tug up, it’s not. You try it twice before beginning to feel the creeping in of frustration and annoyance and god, you are not about to cry over a zipper, you’re not.
“I’m not going.” You snap out, because apparently dramatics make more sense.
Austin turns away from the mirror after he does his tie, a small, handsome smile on his face that you nearly want to lose your mind over.
“C’mere.” He holds out his hand and you so want to cross your arms over your chest and pout instead, but you don’t, huffing as you move closer to clasp onto him.
Austin guides you in front of the mirror which is the last place you want to be, your eyes casting down a moment before just focusing on him instead. He presses a kiss to your shoulder and tries the zipper. When it won’t budge, you just about tear the thing off.
“Take a breath,” He says soothingly, reaching in the bedside drawer for something. Pulling out a small container of Vaseline, your eyebrows draw together as he rubs a very small amount on the zipper track. “Somethin’ my mom taught me.” He smiles a little.
He pulls the zipper down to start over and in one smooth motion, he zips the dress shut. Your mouth opens and closes almost like a goldfish. The dress wasn’t too small for you or anything like that…the zipper was just stuck.
You shake your head, tilting it back a little to rest on Austin’s shoulder. “I’m a mess.”
“You’re beautiful.” He whispers, wrapping his arms loosely around your waist. His hand crosses back and forth across your belly, pressing a kiss to your neck. “You tell me you want to go and we’ll go, alright?”
A small smile tugs the corners of your mouth and you nod, allowing yourself to linger in his embrace for as long as you can.
--
Turns out the event is just fine—the photos are painless and quick, Austin is as attentive as he’s always been, you’re able to catch up with people you haven’t seen in the industry in a long time and there’s plenty of good snacks.
Doesn’t stop you and Austin from leaving after two hours to grab burgers and milkshakes on the way home, however.
-- plus one
You weren’t really expecting it but Austin pushes things around in his schedule so that you both can go on a ‘babymoon’. You’re incredibly excited because it’s one of things that you found yourself looking forward to when you became pregnant, and it’s right at the cusp of thirty-five weeks (a honeydew!). After this, it’s advised that you don’t travel, even somewhere within the U.S.
Nothing really beats the feeling of your feet digging into sand, the ocean breeze kissing your face, a private-ish beach where no one is going to bother you. Not to mention—
You smile lightly from inside this beach tent you brought, an open-mouthed structure that has a canopy to keep you shaded and plenty of room for beach chairs or just towels. Austin walks out of the ocean so gracefully—you feel like you were never capable of that, even when you weren’t pregnant, tripping on the ground disappearing underneath you and waves hitting the backs of your thighs. He’s got a slight tan going on, freckles kissing his cheekbones and the skin of his shoulders, both his hands pushing his blonde hair back.
Utterly handsome; your stomach doing the same flip-flop it’s always done since the first day you saw him.
He makes his way into the beach tent, sitting down on the towels. Grabbing one, he runs it through his hair and you can’t help but chuckle at the wet dog look, running your fingers through his strands.
“You don’t want to get in?”
“I’ll probably fall,” You reply, “And then float like a buoy or something.”
Austin huffs out a soft laugh, “I’ll help you; you won’t fall.”
Humming at the idea, though very tempting, you look down at the sand right outside the tent and, “You know what I really want?” He raises his eyebrows, “I want to be able to lie down on my stomach, like, I miss that.”
Austin smiles, running his hand over your belly. Then he pauses, his eyes glancing outside the tent and… “I have an idea.”
“That sounds ominous.”
He chuckles and motions for you to get up, “C’mon,” Austin gets out of the tent and helps you stand and you watch him tug the tent aside for a moment and kneel in the sand. He starts digging with his hands and…you have no idea where this is going.
“Buried treasure?” You tease, crossing your arms along your chest. You opted for this really cute orange two-piece, not even worrying about wearing high-waisted bottoms because nothing feels good on your stomach right now.
“Yeah, X marks the spot.” He throws out, laughing a little.
It takes you a moment but…then you realize what he’s doing. He’s digging a deep hole, roughly the size of your stomach and, “Are you—”
Austin hums, standing. He tugs the tent back over the hole and crawls inside, the bottom of the tent easily giving into the space he’s created. Which…that’s perfect because you don’t have to worry about putting your belly right in the sand.
He reaches a hand out to help you back inside the tent and you kinda laugh as you hold onto his shoulder and inch back down, turning to lie on your stomach for the first time in months. It takes a bit of maneuvering and Austin folding some towels so that you can position your head but…once you finally lay down, comfortably?
“I could kiss you.”
Austin smirks, “Still can.”
You grin, “Come down here then.”
He puts down another towel and does so, running his hand along your back and brushing your hair back over your shoulder. He smiles, his nose bumping into yours as he settles close.
You lean up just slightly and kiss him, your hand cupping his cheek, and maybe it sounds dramatic? But you’ve never been happier.
“I love you.” You whisper against his lips, dragging your thumb against his cheekbone.
Austin says it back against your temple, both of you settling into the sand and allowing your eyes to close as the sounds of the waves crash in.
Despite not knowing what the future will bring? You can’t help but find yourself utterly overjoyed for it.
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trashcanwithsprinkles · 4 months ago
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in jadeite do the characters still have the same eyes? like hutao with her flowery eyes and zhongli with his....serpent-like? ones
genuinely good question, i haven't really stopped to think about it? because in genshin as far as i know, the only eyes that really matter in terms of- what they look like? are the khaenri'ah star eyes. so like- we have people with wild-ass eyes but they never seem to factor in to the overarching lore of the game. with the exception of childe i guess? but his' are more like- they matter because he's an outlier (doesn't have the little anime shine), not because he has a particular shape in them.
also ngl i think you might be missremembering zhongli's eyes thanks in no small part i assume to fanon, bc i would not describe that man's eyes as serpent-like. neuvillette's? i can get behind. baizhu's and chongyun's? even more than neuvillette's. maybe even shinobu's but given her mask i guess hers are supposed to be more cat-like. but zhongli's...? like yes they're among the more non-normal eyes of the cast, but like- these:
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next to these:
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you see what i mean?
like not to get tinfoil hat on you but if i had to pick another character with eyes like zhongli's i would not pick the serpent men, but rather
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you know? like they're the same shape, the colors are just inverted in the sense that her eyes are lighter with darker marks while zhongli's are darker with lighter marks, but other than that: rhombus in the middle with a ring around it. not sure there's any other character with eyes like those. xiao's look the most similar but on closer inspection he just has a semi-circle, not a full ring. so uh 🤷‍♂️
anyway- sorry about the tangent. i guess my answer to the actual question would be- maybe? i guess we can keep the eyes as they are, but just treat them the same way genshin seems to treat them. as in- most eye shapes are nothing more than a nod to the character's unique quirks rather than teyvat lore-relevant. again, teyvat lore-relevant i think is only the khaenri'ah star, maybe childe's eyes, and i guess baizhu's technically? and maybe neuvillette's. oh and arlecchino's of course. and i guess alhaitham can sit on the ?????? corner. but other than that hu tao having flowers isn't because of some long lost bloodline, but because she has plum (?) flower motifs. i think (inb4 it is about some long-lost bloodline lmao). you get what i mean? same goes for other characters with unique eyes. nahida has the four-leaf sigil bc she's connected to sumeru and the akasha and all that. kokomi has weird eyes because she's a fish. dori has an X in her eyes because money shines. like their eyes are unique but they don't have worldwide lore connotations the way the others seem to do. faruzan maybe has her eyes like that because she was stuck in some ruins for 100 years. i haven't read candace's lore but her golden eye can see stuff?? maybe she's lore-relevant too idk
so i guess bottom line is the people in this reality just have wild-ass eyes sometimes and it's no different than finding someone with albinism 🤷‍♂️ like you just go huh. neat. you're a genetic minority. anyway, and move on.
TL;DR: yeah the eyes are the same bc the only wacky eye-shapes that seem to REALLY matter in genshin's overarching lore are the khaenri'ah star ones, so i'm just not gonna bother w it.
if that bothers you we can also just say that they all have normal human-shaped eyes and keep the same color. like i guess what i'm trying to say is that only the khaenri'ah star will matter in the fic? and even then i'm unsure if it will matter all that much. so really whether hu tao has flowers in her eyes or not is irrelevant (using her as an example, but this applies to the others)
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avkizi · 4 months ago
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doing this ask game bc i feel like YAPPIN
link for the og questions 🔗
answering this as aki (bnha drself), but lmk if you want me to answer as any of my other drs (ex: pjo, hoo, cod, h2o, marauders, etc.) !!
in what reality do you live? bnha/mha !!
what is your name? akitsu takami
what are your nicknames, if you have any? i go by aki usually, i have been called birdbrain by some people (aka kei)
how old are you? i'm fifteen in two days !!
how tall are you? 152cm (5'0)
what is your skin color? kinda tan, but i have a picture of myself in my dr intro !!
you body type? hourglass, a little on the curvier side, kei makes me go to the gym with him and miruko so i have some muscle tone lmao
your sign/birthday? gemini, june 4
how do you describe yourself and your personality? i'm definitley on the extroverted side, pretty friendly, i'd like to say i'm funny, and i really like stuff like vlogging & social media and photography.
do you have living parents/siblings? both my parents and my older brother are alive, but my parents aren't in the picture (ones in prison and the other one fucking basically sold us lmaoooo)
your gender/pronouns? girl, she/her
what is the color of your eyes? gold
how do your hair looks like, is it long or short? kind of mid length (a little longer than my collarbone) and wavy at the bottom (anything longer gets in the way of my wings/flying)
do you have any scars/unique visual traits? aside from quirk related stuff, i have burn scarring on my left shoulder/upper arm and on the back/side of my left thigh, and a smaller scar on my nose bridge
do you have tattoos or piercings? i have your basic lobe and upper lobe piercings, but no tattoos yet
signature scent? anything fruit or tropical related tbh, but you will never catch me w/o perfume i refuse to smell like shit
do you have any powers/species abilities? i have a mutation based owl quirk, so i have cool shit like functional wings, enhanced senses and vocal cords, and talons
where do you live, how does it looks like? i live in the UA dorms right now, but when i'm not in school i live in my brother's apartment/penthouse/condo/whatever it's called (visuals here)!!
is there other people living with you right now? yes, when i'm in school it's my whole class, but outside of school i just live with my brother (we dont have to share rooms or bathrooms in either situation tho thank the lord)
what do you do for a living? i'm a student in UA's hero course, in class A, but i don't work or anything like that
is there magic in your reality? there are quirks with magic themed elements, but quirks themselves are pretty scientifically based
how much money do you have? a lot (pro hero sibling has it's benefits fr) so i'm lowkey set
who are your friends/best friends i'm pretty good at socializing so i get along/am friends with most people, but my closest friends are def uraraka, ashido, tsu, hagakure, jirou, kirishima, shouji, todoroki, and midoriya
are you older or younger than them? i'm the second youngest person in my class, but we're all around the same age range (two years age gap maximum)
Do you have a crush on someone? ive kinda been eyeing todoroki but we'll see when we get there yk
How did you meet everyone for the first time? i'm going to meet everyone through either the entrance exams or on the first day of school
What are your hobbies? already mentioned a lil, but i like fashion/shopping, crocheting, social media, roller skaing, photography, and marine bio
What do you like to talk about with friends? girl EVERYTHING
What is your favorite food and drink? i love love love boba (mango passionfruit tea or iced strawberry matcha latte ON TOP), and my fav food is probably mango or lychee or a really good pork gyoza
Your favorite color? pink 100%
Your clothing style? my aesthetic switches up sm but i tend to gravitate towards trendier stuff like clothes from brandy melville or stuff like cargo pants, lace or cropped camis, etc.
Your favorite place to spend time? my room or the mall
Favorite sport, if you have one? volleyball 100% love that shit
Favorite weather? ooooooh ok for going out or flying etc i like clear sky, 60-70 farenheight, but for staying inside i love thunderstorms so so much aughhh
Favorite time of the day? dusk/nighttime
Favorite season? summer bc it's warm but winter is rlly nice too
Your biggest fear? everyone leaving me and i start back at square one in my old house with nothing left
What makes you very angry? unempathetic or selfish people/people who use their privlege to harm others knowingly
What makes you very happy? my friends
Do you have any pet? technically no, but i'm friends with the pigeons etc around the city and feed them. (i want a cat one day tho)
Do you consider yourself a good fighter? yes, unless theres water involved (hate that shit it makes my wings heavy)
Is there any people you dont like? off the top of my head, mineta, stain, and endeavor piss me off quite a bit
Do you have a favorite song that describes yourself, or just a favorite song in general? i love mitski, laufey, and chapell roan, but olivia rodrigo, conan gray, and taylor swift (i don't agree w some of her actions but she makes bangers). renee rapp's stuff is pretty good too ngl (my music taste is just basic asf unfortunatley)
Can you play any instrument or dance? i'm pretty good at dancing and i can pick up most stuff pretty fast, i'm a good singer and i'm learning electric guitar from jirou rn
Do you like to take risks and make new friends, or you are more reserved? i'm generally good at socializing so i make friends fairly easily, but i sometimes takes me a bit to open up fully to people
What do you do when you get very bored? crochet or cook something random while blasting music and doing karaoke in the kitchen
Are you a great leader? i work really well on teams but i tend not to gravitate towards leadership roles tbh
How is your daily routine? wake up, skincare/hygeine, breakfast, morning fly/go to school, school, go home, do hw/chill until dinner unless kei gets home early, either make dinner for myself or get food somehow, more chill/hw time, shower, skincare, chill, sleep/bed
Your favorite smell? this feather wax/moisturizer that i use its like shea butter and it smells so so nice i would eat it if i could
A big secret you have/know? my and kei's life before he became a hero, etc.
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nanabansama · 1 year ago
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Hi hi! why do you think Tsukasa kisses Nene ? do you think he likes her ? Do you think Nene will start to like Tsukasa after this ?
Hi! You're in luck actually, because I have been thinking very heavily about Tsukasa and Nene's relationship recently and have some #thoughts. (Err, but who hasn't been thinking about them, honestly...?)
Okay, so you're wondering if Tsukasa likes Nene, why he kissed her, and if Nene will start to like him... let's see...
First, do I think he likes her...? Well, I wouldn't say that's completely off the table yet. Look at how happy he gets after kissing her:
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Cute, right?! I think saying something like... "he's in LOVE with her"... might be a bit too grandiose, but it's definitely giving off the vibes of a kiddy crush, at least. And like with any kiddy crush, he has a precocious way of showing it.
Consider: him offering her food...
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...Leaning in really close to her face while her eyes are closed...
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...I mean, it's not totally impossible, right? He even invites her on a PLAY DATE.
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Haha, but to be real with you, I am having a bit of trouble believing he has an actual crush on her myself. It's certainly a lower priority to him than getting the Yorishiro destroyed and accomplishing his goals, anyway.
I'm also going to discount any instances of Tsukasa getting annoyed with the reverted child form of Nene as proof that he doesn't like her, because I think it's kind of ridiculous to expect any hypothetical crush he has to stay intact when she starts acting like this:
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All this to say, don't let anyone tell you that Tsunene is fake or anything. I personally am undecided on it, leaning more towards Tsukasa not having a crush, but I could just as easily believe he has a small crush on her, too.
So, if Tsukasa doesn't have a crush on Nene, then why would we kiss her? Well...
Honestly, sometimes? I don't think Tsukasa really thinks much before doing things. Not always, of course...! But remember, this is the guy who just randomly decided that he was going to swim to Los Angeles:
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I hope this isn't too lackluster of an answer, but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Tsukasa only did it... just because! Maybe he saw Amane kissing her and wanted to copy him. Maybe he thought it'd be a funny prank, kissing her when he knows she likes Amane and Amane likes her. Remember, Tsukasa has never been above pulling pranks on his brother or his assistant.
Need I remind you that he tried to eat her?
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He's just a bit... mysterious. The comparisons people make of him to an animal or toddler are not completely unwarranted. Still, he is a scheming 13-year-old ghost that has proven levels of intellect and cruelty on par with other members of the cast. It's best not to underestimate him too much... I just really can't see any benefit to kissing Nene other than getting a laugh out of it. Or, potentially, a little treasure for himself! ❤️
Finally, you asked if Nene would fall in love with him... this is actually my favorite part of the ask, because I considered how likely this was to happen and surprised myself with where my mind went, lmao.
The first thing we need to remember about Nene is that she is described as, and demonstrably is, a girl in love with love. She LIVES for romance. (Just keep this in mind always. It might even be the most important part of her character, idk.)
Now, not only is Tsukasa an identical clone to the boy she loves--the boy she's planning on asking to be her BOYFRIEND soon, mind you--but she sees the potential!!! She literally had an entire daydream about him showing up to be Hanako's "rival" for her love.
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While she's very clearly still loyal to Hanako, take note of the fact that she made both of the twins look taller and more handsome in the daydream. This could be proof she finds him physically attractive. ...That being said, she seems more into the fact that Tsukasa is into her than anything else... but can you really blame her? She's always dreamed of being popular with boys. To have TWO boys be madly in love with her is something straight out of her wildest fantasies.
Okay, but you know what's kinda funny? This whole... "Taller Twins" fantasy... is um... kind of happening right now?!
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While the height difference is obviously greater than the one between her and the Fantasy Tsukasa, it's still hilarious that this is even happening. And, while Tsukasa hasn't exactly been the best babysitter for Nene so far...
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...she is having a ton of fun with him!!!
Also, I haven't brought this up yet, but during The Misaki Stairs Arc, Nene brings up having had a crush on her Kindergarten teacher. Is it so unrealistic that Nene might end up getting a crush on Tsukasa, too? Especially for a girl who falls in love so easily?
Well, if not, I'm still expecting her to be totally enchanted by Hanako if she happens to meet him when she's still a child, lol. Could you imagine how cool he would look to 5-year-old Nene, coming to save her?! She already thinks he looks cool when they're at their typical height difference!
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JUST IMAGINE HOW STARSTRUCK SHE WOULD BE, NOW THAT HE'S SEVERAL FEET TALLER...!! Crazy.
Anyway. To summarize: I think Tsukasa could have a crush on Nene, I think Tsukasa either kissed her just because or because he has a kiddy crush on her, and I think Baby Nene could develop a crush on Tsukasa. Thanks for the ask!
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doubledyke · 2 months ago
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Eddy's feelings towards his friends are complicated. Although theres no doubt he loves them, could you describes them in details? With your own words?
yeah so im not sure that 12 year old eddy knows what love is. "love" is weird and complicated, and i'm not gonna pretend like i'm an expert on complex emotions. but it doesn't seem like "i love you" is a phrase that's thrown around very often in his household. his mom is probably the best example of someone (non-ed) who might actively show some form of love for him, and honestly that's mainly bc i headcanon her (somewhat groundlessly) as being generally very sweet and well-meaning. at the very least i believe that she cares about eddy - enough to clean his room for him, hire a babysitter out of an abundance of caution, and to care about having a good school photo of him, etc.
dads in general are notoriously averse to expressing emotions, and i get the vibe from eddy's behavior that his dad is no different. in fact he's probably even worse than your-run-of-the-mill aloof patriarch. his toxic masculinity prevents him from accepting or offering much in the way of affection. im sure he loves eddy in his own weird way, but that "love" is definitely conditional.
now, eddy's interaction with bro when they meet up at the end of bps is pretty notable because its the most affectionate eddy's ever been with anyone in the entire series up to that point. he hugs him, nuzzles up to him and calls him his hero, etc. it's really weird to watch. if you asked bro if he "loves" eddy he'd probably say "sure" and evidently he's protective of eddy against outside forces.... then turns around and commits horrific abuse against him himself. it's no wonder eddy essentially has stockholm syndrome lmao. the cycle of abuse is confusing and distressing for anyone, but especially for a kid.
anyway, all that to say that eddy's feelings for bro come as close to "love" as they can for a kid who really gets shit on from just about every direction. and though i don't see bro as someone who'd say "i love you" either, his behavior in the eye of the storm probably makes eddy think he at least cares about him. he grew up with bro, presumably knows his patterns and probably thinks that being related to someone automatically equals loving them. "blood is thicker than water" as they say.
eddy's shown to be very distrusting of others, including the other eds, which to me explains why he has the vibe of keeping even them at arm's length sometimes. and why he's uncomfortable being vulnerable around them. he's no doubt more comfortable around them than he is any of the other kids, but he never completely drops the Big Act™ around them. until he gets the shit kicked out of him in front of everyone and has no choice but to do so.
when people are nice to eddy, he thinks he's being primed for a walloping (cycle of abuse), or at the very least a prank. it's hard for him to believe that people could like him and want to be around him without bro's influence.
eddy obviously cares about ed and edd but his idea of what that looks like is extremely warped and to the average person doesn't remotely resemble love. given the context of what we know about eddy's fucked up existence though, ed and eddy are clearly very important people to him and he shows it as best as he can with the tools he's been given by the people responsible for raising him.
some of my favorite moments are when he very reluctantly gives in to edd's or ed's wishes. little ed blue and thick as an ed come to mind, but there are other examples. he's also pretty generous with the fanciful fame and fortune he believes to be in his future. he usually includes his friends in these fantasies, telling them to hire secretaries (one of my favorite eddy lines) and whatnot. there's also the time he tried really hard to break ed out of his basement when he was grounded, and of course he let edd sleep in his bed, spoon fed him warm milk and even read him a bed time story.
and other times he's a shitty friend. i don't need to list all the less than loving things he's done to his pals cuz that'd take all day.
he'll get there though. maybe? personally i don't ever see him being someone who's overly mushy, it's just too weird. but if you catch him at the right moment he's probably very sweet and maybe even vulnerable on occasion. but mostly i see him showing his affection for people in non-verbal ways. which is pretty much what he does in the show, so there ya go.
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antebunny · 9 months ago
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So there's a subgenre of fics in the Harry Potter fandom wherein a person conceived while one of their parents is under the influence of a love potion will become aroace at birth. The origin, afaik, are two insidiously awful decisions of JKR combining: 1) she reinvented date rape drugs/roofies aka love potions, without realizing it I guess, and 2) she said that Voldemort was asexual, because she's never seen a marginalized identity she didn't spit on.
Since Merope Gaunt (Voldemort's mother) used a love potion on Tom Riddle Sr. (Voldemort's dad) I guess people got the idea that what if love potions caused asexuality? And asexuality + aromanticism, of course, meant evil. Here's an excerpt from one of those fics in which Bill Weasley explains being aro/ace to Hermione:
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"No. I just dated because that was what you did. I never really felt anything for them. A few kisses, plenty of hand-holding. I made out in a few broom closets, and had one very uncomfortable make-out session up the top of the Astronomy Tower that I eventually ended by pretending I heard Filch coming past on a patrol. I even tried making out with a guy once in case that was it–nothing. I never told mum about that, of course. Good wizards don't shame their families like that."
"There's nothing wrong with being gay, you know."
He shrugged. "It doesn't apply to me anyway. I'm not gay. I wasn't anything, and I was trying to accept that and be content with it. It was good enough. Until I met Fleur." His eyes lit up with joy as he spoke about her.
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"Look, the point is with her allure from being part-Veela, I love her. Like I can never love anyone else. I don't want to lose that. You don't understand what it's like to go through life feeling nothing for anyone else. I've dated people I said I cared for, but I wouldn't have died for them. Well, out of logical choice I might risk my life, but not from love. But I would die for Fleur. Do you understand? She makes me a better person. I would do anything to make her happy. I'm not alone in the world anymore."
She nodded slowly. "I see." It wasn't so much him manipulating Fleur, as him permitting her to manipulate him. Into feeling. "I didn't realise it could be that bad." She still thought he should confess, but it didn't sound like he was hurting Fleur–he really did love her.
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I read this fic years ago, and at the time I genuinely had not thought about my sexuality at all. I would've never called myself aro or ace. Still, reading this felt like being repeatedly punched in the face. I kept on waiting for Hermione to say something similar to what she said after Bill made a homophobic comment. After all, she went out of her way the first time, didn't she. Instead, what I got was essentially:
Bill: I don't usually feel romantic or sexual attraction. So there's something wrong with me.
Hermione: Yeah lmao. But there's nothing wrong with being gay!
I've been (reading) on Ao3 since 2016, and in all that time I've seen plenty of subtle racism, sexism, etc. But I've never seen anything as plainly stated as this. To this day I have yet to hear any aro/ace people describe the experience of being aro/ace in any of the following ways: "How could I forgive myself if we brought a child into the world to suffer the emptiness I lived with my whole existence[?]" /"You should be unable to love." / "You don't understand what it's like to go through life feeling nothing for anyone else."
I could not understand why Bill described it as "emptiness" or "feeling nothing." I still cannot find a single aro/ace person who would describe themselves as empty. The most I have ever heard is: "I wish I was normal" (meaning I wish I fit in, I wish to be accepted by other people). Historically, many aro/ace people married and had kids, conforming to societal norms, and I am sure many believed there was something wrong with them or hoped to grow out of it. I was one of them. On a very personal note, I suspect that my father is too. I am certain that he's never heard the terms asexual or aromantic in his life. But if you think I'll ever discuss his sexuality with him, you're out of your damn mind.
Now, I know it's really easy to find this fic from these quotes. I chose to include them anyways because I think it's important to show how blatant it was. My Tumblr blog isn't exactly a platform, but for the five people reading this: please, please do not go after the author. I truly believe that they had no ill-intent. In the comments of this fic, a few people bring up variations of "it sounds like Bill is just aro/ace" and the author is consistently understanding. Here are some of the author's comment on that fic:
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I very much understand what you're saying. It's a tricky thing for me to address, however. For the core idea I'm playing with is basically the evilness of "love potions". And part of that is exploring JKR's idea that Voldemort, being unable to love due to his mother using a love potion on his father, was a *monster* because of that. Perhaps that doesn't come across very clearly (there's a little bit more of it in the prequel), that it's one of the assumptions I'm trying to undermine. ("Love potions are funny/romantic", "Voldemort is a monster because he could not love", "Harry's power was that he could love - he's not a monster like Voldemort", "There's nothing wrong with selling love potions to teens/adults because it's not 'real' love".)
I feel like I'm already poking at the inherent problem of framing "people who cannot love" as "monsters/psychopaths" by showing Bill and Harry's struggles with self acceptance, and Bill finding a way to love (though do note he'd been making peace with the idea he wasn't attracted to anyone, prior to meeting Fleur). I really don't like the canonical take on love-redeems/love-is-the-best-power/the-loveless-are-monsters, so I'm messing with it a bit. Exploring other people than Voldemort, ones we admire, who are also dealing with being unable to love. Does that make sense? Now, that doesn't mean I'm doing a perfect job at it, but I'm trying my best to explore that theme around the edges of my Dramione story.
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The author's intention was to show how other characters, made aro/ace via love potion like Voldemort, were not evil or sociopaths. I don't know why all the characters were so aro/acephobic, but sometimes fics get away from you and you don't address everything you wanted to. I don't know why the aro/ace characters had so much internalized shame and hatred when the term bachelor has been in use for centuries, but we fanfic authors love writing self-esteem issues and I would be a hypocrite to say otherwise. I don't know why the author never tagged acephobia or internalized acephobia, but no one HAS to tag anything.
I don't know if the author ended up writing that fic where Harry comes to accept his aro/asexuality. It's totally understable if they didn't; I have failed to write many fics that I really did want to write. Sometimes it's just like that. I really, truly believe that the author had the best of intentions and is not aro/acephobic, just severely misled on what that experience is like.
My beef is not with this author. I used their words to highlight a reoccurring and popular sentiment that I hate. My real beef is that this fic is popular. This is an entire subgenre of Harry Potter fics. I actually decided to write this post because some random person on the internet said, a few days ago, something along the lines of: "Remember when JKR invented a date rape drug that turned people into sociopaths? Yeah…" (And also because I was up until 3 am last night writing a dumb trash angst one-shot about it).
I'd wager that the vast, vast majority of people who write or read those fics don't feel the same way. But the condescension is baked into the very premise of that trope. "Oh poor you, it must be so hard, so lonely going through life without ever loving another person. You must feel so empty inside."
It's actually people who say similar things that make me feel isolated. Most of the time I feel free, like I've cracked this secret code, like I'm able to see things clearly that people so hung up over sex and romance can't. Other times I feel so left out I wish I was "normal." Mostly, being aro/ace is lonely, annoying, exhausting, and liberating.
It wasn't until last year that a friend told me that some people actually do have trouble speaking to someone they've never met before, just because they find that someone attractive. I thought that only happened in stories. But I don't want to get nervous meeting new people based on their looks, I don't want to treat people differently based on how much I want to have sex with them. I wish my friends in high school had never pressured me to come out as bisexual. I wish all the other similarly liberal, queer communities I've found since didn't insist on associating sex and dating with emotional comfort. I wish I could magically stop my parents from expecting me to ever get married and have kids.
But I can't.
Anyways, that's it for today. I'm not sure what the point of writing this was. I really don't want anyone to get hurt or attacked because of it. This is not a callout, or a hate brigade, or any sort of call-to-action. I don't want people to get up-in-arms about this. I'm just tired. I suppose I just wanted to put my feelings out there, and well, this is my Tumblr.
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frenziedslashers · 2 years ago
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I've had this imagine for a long time but I suck at writing and never know how to like kind of put it into words myself so I'll try and keep it short-ish 😭.
So it's based in s1 and it's Glenn's sister x Daryl (Daryl is like in his mid thirties and reader is in her mid twenties and one day she goes up to him maybe while he's in one of the trailers or in his tent (this is pre-rick grimes but during the beginning of the apocalypse when they're all in atlanta) and basically asks him if he wants to fuck cuz she knows neither of them have really had any kind of "release" (I hate the word so much but I couldn't think of another way to describe it) and he's like "are you crazy" or something like that and she says something like "way to let me down easy." But they end up sleeping together in his tent when merle is out on a hunt. And then it just kind of keeps going like that. Whenever they can get time to have sex, and know they won't get caught, they do it. And one day they're like kissing up against a tree and Glenn sees them and totally freaks out.
Dirty Secret;;
A/N: I really like this idea!! And don't worry if you can't keep them short-ish. I tend to ramble when I request stuff to people as well LMAO. Sorry if this isn't the best either. Been having a rough couple of weeks, but I still wanted to write something haha
Pairing: Daryl x Glenn's-Sister!Reader
Warnings: AFAB! Reader, She/her pronouns, PiV sex, Vaginal fingering, Oral (Male receiving)
TWD MASTERLIST || REQUEST INFO
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No matter how much he denied it. He liked you.
Daryl hardly knew anything about you. He wished that was different, but it was so hard to talk to you. Let alone look at you. Every glance he would steal from you he'd be averting his eyes the moment you looked his way. His cheeks flushed a soft pink at the mere thought of you catching him looking at you. He felt weird. Like he was creeping on you. He couldn't help it.
It seemed like with each passing day he wanted to look at you more and more. When he would come back from his hunts he was looking for you in the small group of people. Asking his brother or anyone else who wasn't Glenn where you were.
"See ya got a thing for the Asians little sister huh?" Merle would ask, and Daryl would roll his eyes in return. The last thing he needed was his older brother teasing him. "Nah, jus' makin' sure she ain't out there dead," he scoffed. Merle knew better though. That knowing smirk on his face as he watched his brother stomp away from him. He knew he wasn't just a worried civilian. He was a worried guy hoping his potential woman wasn't out there dead.
Daryl would never admit to that, though. He hated the fact that he liked you. He wasn't even sure why. Maybe it was because you smiled at him anytime he looked at you. Or when he would come back from hunts you would congratulate him for the kills and always thank him for providing you all with food. Or maybe it was just because you were so damn pretty. He swore you were an angel or something. With how your smile seemed to make his chest clench each time he was lucky enough to see it. Plus, your eyes were so mesmerizing. He just wished he had the balls to talk with you.
Little did he know, you looked at him the same way. You looked at him with an expression that he didn't seem to catch onto. He never quite held eye contact with you long enough to notice. The way that you would watch him with such sweet admiration.
"Daryl," His body froze when he heard you calling his name. Anytime you said his name he swore you said it differently than anyone in his life ever had. With such kindness, and that voice of yours that could make him do anything.
Just last week Merle was on his ass about him doing anything you asked. You had asked him if he could look for some medication on a run he was going on with Glenn. You could have asked Glenn, but you asked him. So of course, he listened and went out of his way to find them.
"That girl got ya whipped and y'ain't even stuck yer dick in 'er yet," his older brother spat, and Daryl snapped. "Don' ya ever talk 'bout 'er like that again, ya hear me? She's better than that," and Merle just smiled and laughed at his baby brother's rage. "Pathetic."
When you got to where he was standing at his tent he snapped out of his thought. Shaking his head before looking down at you with a soft gaze. He didn't say anything, though. Just simply acknowledged that you were there by looking at you.
"Do you think I could ask you something?" You questioned with a raised brow. Daryl felt his palms clam up with how close you were to him. The fact that you were going out of your way to talk to him was mind-boggling to the archer. He nodded his head reluctantly, keeping his mouth closed.
You cleared your throat, eyes darting down to the ground. He was scared, to say the least. You'd never looked so nervous around him before.
"I see the way you look at me, and uhm.." you licked your lips and he felt his heart drop while he processed your words. "I think we feel the same about each other, do you maybe wanna..." You rocked back on your heels before mustering up the courage to say what you wanted to say. "Sleep together?" You nearly squeaked out, cringing at your choice of wording. You had thought of another way to phrase it earlier, but saying it to him was a lot different than thinking it. The first words that came to mind gushed out of your mouth like an idiot.
He was flabbergasted. It wasn't often that people could leave Daryl without something snarky to say, but right now was one of those moments. You were asking to fuck around with him? You, the pretty Rhee girl with those eyes and smile that made the archer's knees wobble? That had to be a joke. Glenn had to have set you up to this. Or Merle did. That had to be it.
"Look," you spoke up, seeing the gears turning in his head. "We don't have to, I was just figuring that since the apocalypse is among us that it'd be fun." You told him and he scoffed, "Plus your brother and my brother are gone on a run! It'd be the only time we really have to." You told him with a small frown, noticing how his scowl returned to his face.
"Yer crazy," he snapped, and you felt like you could crumble to the ground. "Merle put you up to this 'in't he?" He barked, and you shook your head. "No, I don't even talk to your brother, Glenn doesn't like how he looks at me." you frowned, and when he looked up and saw how to hurt you looked, he recoiled. He hated that he made you so upset, but this couldn't actually be happening. "Ain't happening, girl," he sneered, and you didn't think you could sink any lower.
You ducked your head down when he went to push past you. "Way to let a girl down..." you pouted, and he felt guilt course his veins. You were running off before he even had the chance to run past you himself. You practically dove into your tent. Your knees were brought up to your chest after the door was zipped. Hiding away from the world as embarrassment took over. You didn't care if it was still sunny out and the heat only seemed to make you bake alive. Maybe it'd put you out of your petty misery.
Daryl on the other hand resorted to the forest where he hid for what felt like hours. With the sun setting now, and how low the sun was before. It was probably only tinkering on one, maybe two hours.
He couldn't quite gather why you would come to him with such bold words. He always took you as someone too meek and shy to say something like that. Obviously, he was wrong. That was one thing you and your brother seemed to have in common. You both spoke your mind; regretting it would be a problem for later.
It wasn't like Daryl didn't think of you that way. Hell, he hadn't slept with anyone since well before the apocalypse began. He didn't have the time, and he was tired of sleeping with people that would leave him the next morning without a goodbye. He was tired of feeling so goddamn alone.
He wanted to find you and tell you how he felt, but he didn't know how. Daryl never knew how to express his feelings. Unless it was anger, disgust, distrust, or any negative emotion. It came to him like flying came to a bird.
He thought about you that whole time out there. The look of fear on your face when you asked. How anxious you looked when he didn't respond. Most of all, how saddened you look when he basically said no. It wasn't that he didn't like you. He just didn't want to like you too much. Daryl didn't want you to use him like every other person in his life. A part of him actually wanted you to be his girlfriend. A word foreign to him, but he was so eager to try.
He hadn't even noticed when he was heading back to the camp that his feet were leading him toward your tent. Both you and Glenn chose to sleep more on the outskirts of the camp. Daryl and his brother clear on the opposite end of camp.
Carol had seen the archer wander, and a small, knowing smile crept on her face. Hopefully he'd do something to give you something to gossip over while you, her, and the other girls did laundry. They gave you the idea of confronting Daryl, after all.
"You have to be blunt with men. Tell them what you want." Lori had told you earlier that day. "Just grab him by the face and kiss him!" Amy squealed, and you had shaken your head. "That's too blunt for Daryl," they all nodded at your words. You were right. Too much physical contact and he'd run. "Just tell him you wanna have sex, guys normally go for that. You can work it out from there." Carol told you with a kind smile, and you listened to that advice.
Now you were sulking and wishing you hadn't. If you hadn't then you wouldn't be in this mess. Too afraid that if you left the safety of your tent he'd be there. Just instead of catching him staring and bashfully looking the other way. He'd be glaring and looking at you like you were some disgusting cheap whore.
Your tent shook and you almost jumped out of your skin. A small shout left your lips before asking who was out there. "Jus' me, keep it down, gon'a have everyone over here," Daryl rasped, and you felt your body grow hot with embarrassment.
You didn't know what to say, falling silent while you coiled more into yourself. Your face hiding behind your knees while you chewed on the inside of your cheek. He did the same, standing there with racing thoughts. The hell was he even supposed to say?
"Hey, look, 'm sorry," he muttered, and you almost didn't hear him. "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have thought you liked me like that, too," he felt his stomach flutter at those words. Oh, but he did like you like that. He hardly knew you and he liked you a lot more than he cared to admit. "Nah, jus' ain't used to pretty girls wantin' t'sleep with me." He admitted while scuffing his foot on the ground. Your heart lept in your chest.
"You think I'm pretty?" You asked, and he nodded. Until he realized the tent was still zipped up, meaning you couldn't see him. "Yeah, real pretty," he almost whispered.
You couldn't hide the smile that was on your face. You were glad that the tent was hiding you from his view. You were practically beaming with pride over his words. A little bit of the boldness from before sneaking back into your head.
"Did you want to come in and sit with me?" You had asked, expecting him to say no or call you crazy again after you did. Before you could overthink it too much you heard him shuffle around in front of your tent. The zipper let out a hiss as he pulled it up and around the door.
He put his crossbow inside first, crawling in after. The weapon was set to the side and off the blankets. You had even noticed that he set his boots outside beside your shoes. A small smile on your lips with how considerate he really was.
Once the man was inside and sat beside you it was quiet again. Neither of you knew what to do from here.
"That offer still up?" Daryl blurted, and the both of you were a little shocked by his words. You cleared your throat, the hunter looking over to inspect your face. You were flustered. He could tell by the way you tried to hide your face behind your hands while you rubbed at it. It made him smile at the fact that he could make you feel that way.
"Uhm, if you want to, I don't want you to pity me or anything," he chuckled softly at your rambling. "I ain't pityin' ya," he sighed, reaching out to brush his fingers along your jaw. Grabbing your attention so you would look at him. "You were right, I've been lookin' at ya same as you look at me," he told you with a lopsided smile, and you felt your stomach doing flips. He just wished he knew if you only looked at him with sexual attraction, or maybe more.
"Can I kiss ya?" he asked, and you felt your heart melt at the fact that he asked. You knew a lot of guys wouldn't ask. They'd just take what they want, but you could tell Daryl was different. It's one of the reasons you trusted him out of everyone in this small group to get some relief out of. Plus, a part of you hoped that something might stem from it.
When you nodded and told him it was okay he crawled over to you. His hand was on your jaw and he kissed you a lot differently than you imagined from the hunter. He was gentle, yet rough. A mix that you didn't expect from him. You had expected him to be all rough, nothing soft.
Once your lips were locked he was pushing you back onto the bed of blankets. His body climbed in between your thighs while he hovered over you and just kissed you for a while. You expected him to get right to business, but he took his time.
He was pretty nervous. He wasn't a virgin, he'd had sex a few times. Not enough that he knew what he was doing, though. He didn't have the charm that most guys had. He was awkward and over thought everything that he did. Plus, he hardly knew anything about peoples bodies, let alone the opposite gender.
He pulled back to lean down. Pressing a kiss to your jaw, then down to your neck. The scruff on his chin and upper lip tickling your skin. Smiling lightly at the sensation. A light giggle escaping your lips. The sound causing him to stop and look up at you. Blue eyes full of worry and curiosity.
"That tickled," you whispered, and he felt his heart flutter. He swore you were cuter than any girl he's ever met.
"Yeah?" He asked with a small smile. You only nodded back with a small snicker. Reaching out to run your hands over his chest. The action making Daryl suck his bottom lip in between his teeth.
The more you touched him the faster he wanted to get you both undressed. Though his hands were still shaky and clammy. Worried that he may end up doing the wrong thing.
His lips only kissed on your neck. He caught your skin between his teeth here or there, but nothing enough to leave a mark. The last thing he needed was Merle or your brother catching on. He knew Merle would just tease the holy hell out of the both of you. Glenn on the other hand, he was a little scared of how the younger man would react. Daryl knew best that family was important. Fuck around with the wrong family and a death wish may be in place.
His thoughts all came to a blurry stop when your legs wrapped around his waist. Pulling yourself up against him so your crotch met his own. The action pulling a moan from the both of you.
"Shit," he spat, nose nuzzling against your shoulder. "We gotta be quiet, darlin'," he gasped, and you nodded. Your head swimming with all sorts of thoughts. The fact that you were about to have sex with the man you had been eyeing for the past couple of weeks. The fact that you hadn't done this in what felt like years. And the fact that he was calling you 'darling'. You were in heaven.
"Can I?" he murmured, kissing your shoulder while tugging at the bottom of your shirt before he leant up to study your face. He couldn't get enough of your pretty eyes.
Once you gave him permission he was pulling your shirt over your head. Instinct settling into the hunter. He knew what he wanted, and knew how to get it. He just needed to know how to give you what you wanted.
"Tell me if I do anything wrong," he huffed out, to which you nodded. "You're doing great so far," you assured him with a chuckle. He didn't respond too much, though. His eyes were too fixated on your upper half. A bit of your own self-consciousness rushing through your body when he stared for a little too long.
His hands were quick to pin yours to the side when you went to cover up. Shaking his head while his eyes drug up your body to your own eyes. "Yer beautiful, none o'that." he stated, and you felt your whole body heat up with bashfulness. You wish you'd met him sooner, truthfully.
You nodded, agreeing with what he had to say. You probably agree with about anything the archer above you said. A small hum leaving your throat when he leant down to kiss your chest. He left soft butterfly kisses over your breasts. Soon leaving hungry open mouthed kisses on your mounds of skin. Licking and biting, gathering all the reactions that the hunter could spur from you.
"Like that, huh?" he growled against your skin when he began nipping on your left nipple. Flattening his tongue over the sensitive bud before he kissed over to the other side.
His mind was a bubbling mess of pleasure and nonsense. He hardly knew what he was thinking. Other than how perfect you were. He felt like he was worshipping an angel.
Daryl kissed further down to your stomach. Both of his hands removed from yours to explore. One hand rubbing and squeezing at your breast while the other reached down for your pants.
A grunt left his throat when you tugged at his locks of hair. Raising his head to look up at you. His pupils blown wide.
"Can you take your shirt off?" You nearly whispered, and he felt his heart sink. He almost said yes, but that familiar dread settled in. He didn't need you pitying him right now.
"I can't," he told you. He half expected you to question him, but you just nodded. You nodded with a smile. Reaching down to cup the side of his face with such care. "That's okay," you told him, and he swore he could have broken down into a weeping mess if it weren't for how horny he was.
He crawled back up and over you when you pulled him towards your face. The two of you sharing a look before he leaned down to lock your lips in another kiss.
His hand ran over the hem of your pants that you had changed into to sleep in. Running his calloused fingers over the soft fabric.
"Daryl," you whined against his lips. He nearly cursed in response at the sound of it. He only hummed in response. Refusing to part his lips from yours for too long. "Hurry up," you huffed.
Daryl smiled a little at this. He parted his eyes with a faint nod before pulling back from you. His hands quick at hooking under the hem of your pants and panties. Looking up at you to make sure everything that he was doing was all right. Tugging the clothing down your hips and then thighs.
You listened as he took in a sharp breath. Your eyes watching his face with caution. Making sure that he didn't look disgusted or like he was regretting to ever agreeing to do such things with you.
"Jesus," he huffed, and you shifted a little. "What?" You asked, and he shook his head while moving so he could pull your pants off the rest of the way. Tossing them aimlessly beside the both of you. "You're just a lot prettier than I imagined."
You felt your heart flutter at his words. Not only was he complimenting you, but he was also admitting to imagining what you looked like beneath your clothes. Was he thinking about you before this? Or was it only after you asked him if he wanted to fuck earlier that day?
He was quick to distract you from your thoughts again. Heat pooling in your stomach as you watched him tug his own pants down. You saw the reluctance in his movements. Your own hands reaching out to help him. Glancing up as if to ask if it was okay, and he nodded. Of course it was okay. It was more than okay, really.
The hunter pursed his lips as he watched you pull his pants down. Watching as your eyes danced over each sliver of skin that you exposed. The way that you licked and bit on your lips. Especially the way your eyes seemed to widen at the sight of him when he was finally free from his pants. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing, though. He only hoped your shocked expression was good.
"All good?" He blurted, cringing a little at his wording. He didn't entirely know what to say, though. "Daryl," he froze, waiting for you to finish. You were going to insult him, weren't you? "You're more than just all good, you're..." You pondered words, smirking as you helped him get the rest of the way out of his pants. Leaning yourself up in order to kiss his chest. "You're lovely. Words can't even express how handsome you are," you praised, and he felt his skin burn red. His heart leaping in his chest. Soft grumbles leaving his chest while you kissed over his chest. Lightly biting every so often.
His eyebrows furrowed when your fingers wrapped around his shaft. Hissing as your thumb ran over his tip. Allowing you to pull him back on top of yourself. "Shit, you feel so good," he murmured, kissing your cheek and then your lips.
Daryl brought a hand down to your own sex. His fingers running over your damp entrance. His body was buzzing with excitement. You could tell he was almost as nervous as you were, though. If not, maybe a little more.
His movements were slow and a little awkward. You let go of him in order to reach and grab his hand. Guiding and showing him what to do. Showing him where you liked to be touched the most, where your clit was, how to rub it. How to finger you. He was certain that by the end of the night he'd have you cum at least once. Or God smite him now.
He rubbed where you told him too. Watching with an intrigued gaze at how your hips bucked and rolled against just his hand. It fed his ego more than it probably should have. Smiling lightly when you began pressing frantic kisses to his neck and shoulders. The way your hips rolled, your hands pawed at his body, and most of all the way you moaned softly in his ear. It was enough to make him buck his hips against nothing.
"Daryl, please," you whimpered, and he felt his stomach do flips. There was no way you sounded so pretty. "Please what?" He drawled. His voice already deeper that before. "Fuck me," you gasped when his fingers curled into you once more.
He was shocked with how bold you were, but he wasn't going to deny what you wanted, either.
Daryl was quick to pull his hand away from your entrance. Replacing it with his throbbing dick. He wanted to watch you cum on his fingers, but that wasn't for now. Right now he needed to be inside you. He needed to feel you squeezing down on him while he fucked you into the stupid blankets below the both of you.
Once he was aligned he was looking up at you as if to ask if everything was all right. Your soft nod and 'yes' was all he needed to keep going. Pushing forward in order to slide into you.
His brows furrowed when the tip of himself was inside you. Pushing forward while huffing out breaths until he bottomed out in you. Your own face was scrunched. Reaching out in order to claw at his clothed back.
Daryl saw how uncomfortable you looked by your expressions. The man leaning down in order to pepper kisses on your lips and shoulders. "If I need'a stop, ya tell me," he grunted, and you nodded. "I'm fine," you told him, and he only nodded. He wanted you to know that if you wanted to stop at any time he wouldn't be mad. He'd stop.
Once you were comfortable enough you shifted your hips. The both of you inhaling sharply at the pleasure that shot through you both like bullets. "Shit, I might not last long," he told you, and you chuckled, nodding softly. "Feel that good?" you teased, and he let out a soft moan in response when you rolled your hips up. "Y'ain't got no idea, woman."
He started a pace that was a little slow at first. An attempt to savor the moment, but it wasn't long before the hunter was lost. His hips pulling back before snapping into you. He occupied his mouth with your own. The both of you doing your best to stay quiet. Thankful that the tent wasn't too close to any one else's since Glenn's empty tent was beside your own and then Jaques.
"Daryl," you mewled, and he nodded. "What is it?" He asked, his hand coming between the both of you to press his finger over your clit. Just like you showed him earlier.
He smirked when your back arched. You couldn't even finish your thought from earlier. Your head craned back. Leaving the hunter ample room to kiss and bite. It was hard to remind himself that he couldn't suck on your skin. A temptation that he wished no one would think anything of.
His thrusts only seemed to get rougher. The sound of skin on skin growing louder as he fucked into you. His fingers rubbing your sensitive bud a little harsher than before. Trying to get you to meet your high with him. Which was only growing closer for the archer.
"Shit," he mumbled against your skin. His free hand gripping your hip harder than before as his thrusts grew more sloppy and rugged. "God, 'm close," He hissed against your skin. To which you nodded with a choked mewl. "Me too," you cooed out, and it wasn't long before your body was coiling in on itself. The coil within your stomach snapping.
Your arms wrapped around his body. Your legs around his waist in an attempt to pull the man further inside you while you came around him. Daryl fought hard in order to not cum inside of you. It took everything not to. You just felt too good. The way that you squeezed and pulsated around him. The way your fingernails dug into his back through his shirt. And the way you whispered his name into his ear, over and over like a frantic prayer. A few more thrusts and he was pulling out of you, spilling his seed all over your stomach. He hadn't came that hard in God only knows how long.
The both of you laid there for a few moments. Daryl on his back beside you while the both of you tried to regain your strength. Both of you floating back down to earth. Slow, but sure.
"That was..." He started, searching for words. "Wow," he finished, and you giggled. Leaning over to press a kiss to his shoulder. "Think we could do it again, sometime?" You asked, and you were thankful you were looking over at the hunter. Catching his smile as he stared up at the roof of your tent. "Yeah, I'd like that."
It did happen a lot more after that, too. You were both as good as rabbits. Fucking anytime the two of you got the chance.
Daryls favorite was when you asked Dale if the both of you could take his Canoe out onto the water to "fish." Daryl did try and fish, the only thing you really fished was his dick in his pants.
He was oblivious when you offered to fish with him that morning, though. Only thinking that all you wanted to do was fish. He wasn't opposed to that thought, though. After sharing such an intimate moment with you the other night he liked the thought of spending actually quality time with you.
He wasn't exactly complaining when you slid down to your knees in front of him, either. He was telling you that you didn't have to. That if you didn't want to, he wouldn't be hurt. He never really thought he deserved head from anyone.
The moment you had your tongue on his shaft, licking up to his tip. He was a goner.
His head tipped back and his eyes fell shut with a groan. The fishing pole in the holder on the side of the boat while one hand gripped the seat and the other was tangled in your hair. With each bob of your head he fought the urge to thrust up into your throat. Not only did he not want to hurt you, but he also didn't want to move the canoe too much and tip the both of you.
"Fuck, like that," he purred, watching you through half lidded eyes. Practically melting into the seat of the boat while you gave him the best head of his life.
He thought about that morning anytime he had free time.
The both of you had quite the experience streak going on. Anytime the both of your brothers were away from camp you were in one or the others tent. Soon it wasn't even for sex. Some nights Daryl would just lay with you. Your head on his chest or vice versa. The both of you just lying in one another's presence. Some nights the both of you would swap stories. You typically did most of the talking, but he'd open up to you the more time that you both spent together.
"Daryl," you sighed as he trailed beside you. "I'll be fine out here by myself, we haven't seen any walkers this far out at all since we've been camped out here." You just wanted to go looking for anything. Whether it be a rabbit to kill and bring back to the camp, or maybe just something that was left out in the woods that could be used as something useful. You weren't exactly complaining that Daryl was acting so protective. It was nice. If it was your brother, you'd be throwing a fit and telling him to leave you be. Daryl following you like a puppy was a lot nicer. He didn't talk as much as Glenn, either.
"That's the thing, we ain't seen many up here, but we will," you frowned a little at his words. "So you're just going to follow me around like a body guard from now on?" You asked, and he shrugged. "Guess so." He told you, and you nodded with a chuckle. "Sure thing, Dixon," you sighed, reaching out to link your pinky with his. The hunter didn't argue, either. If anything it eased his anxiety more than just walking beside you. Now if he needed to he could pull you from harms way.
You slowed your pace, Daryl looking over at you with a brow raised. "Well, since we're out here." You stopped, and he turned a little to look at you a little better. "Do you think you could teach me how to work that crossbow of yours?" You asked, and he froze. It took him a moment to process what you were asking, but it wasn't long before he was smiling a little. Glancing down before looking back up at you. "You know how to shoot a gun?" He asked, and you nodded. "Glenn taught me." He nodded this time.
He led you over to a tree. Carving an 'X' with his knife before leading you so far back. "All right," he started, parting his feet so far while he held the bow in his arms. "Ya gotta make sure yer standin' right first. Gotta stand with yer feet so far apart or else yer gonna lose balance and fall on yer ass," He told you, and you nodded, watching as he brought the weapon up to aim. "Then ya just aim and shoot. Gotta just breathe." He finished before squeezing the trigger and firing. Looking up at the target where he hit a near perfect bullseye. Soon looking back over at you.
You reached your arms out for the bow that he offered to you. Smiling as you held it in your arms and struggled a little at cocking the weapon. Soon bringing it back up and into your arms. Raising it to eye level. "Like this?" You asked, and he chuckled.
You flinched a little when he put his hands on your waist. "It's okay, jus' me," He spoke when he felt your body jerk. Turning your hips a little and kicking your feet a little further apart. "Now bring the bow more here," He ordered. Moving the butt of the weapon more in the center of your shoulder. "Then just breathe," He told you, staying close while you aimed. Finally firing the weapon.
You lowered the crossbow in order to see where you fired. Daryl giving your waist a light squeeze. You peaked over your shoulder to catch the proud grin on his face before it mellowed into a softer smile. "Come on," he told you, leading you closer to the tree so the both of you could get a better look.
He whistled lightly, and you giggled. "Yer a natural," he boasted, and you rolled your eyes. "I wouldn't say that, I didn't even get a bullseye." You pouted a little, and he shrugged. "Nah, but you still hit in the x. You were close," he added in attempts to make you feel better. You did do exceptionally well for it being your first time shooting the bow.
You shrugged, looking up and over at the male with a soft smile. "Better luck next time," you told him, and he chuckled. The man was already looking at you. Your faces mere inches from each other. It wasn't long before he was turning to pull you in for a soft kiss. "Could practice some more." He told you before kissing you again. You just let out a soft laugh against his lips.
"Daryl! What if Merle or Glenn comes out here," you whisper yelled against his lips. He didn't care, though. "We're fine," he muttered, and you didn't argue anymore. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders while his hand not holding the crossbow came to pull you closer to him by your waist. "God, you're the horniest guy I've ever met," you teased him, and he chuckled. Pulling back to look over your face. "Yeah? Hard not t'be when I've got you here," He murmured, and you felt your skin grow warm.
You leaned in to give him another kiss. This time running your fingers through the hair on the back of his head. Which from what you've learned in the few weeks that the two of you had been doing this. Only seemed to get him more in the moment.
"What the hell's going on?" You both jerked away from each other when you heard a shout. The color draining from your face when you saw Glenn standing behind Daryl. A large stick in his hand that he was ready to hit the archer with.
You stood there for a moment, noticing the way Daryl backed away from you both. He did his best to show and tell Glenn that he didn't want any trouble, but you could tell by the look in his eyes that Glenn didn't care what Daryl had to say.
"I made one thing fucking clear to you all and it was to not fuck with my sister and here you are! What, did you think you weren't included in that statement?" Glenn shouted, and you shoved at your brothers chest. "Leave him alone, Glenn! I'm an adult, you've got to stop treating me like I'm still eighteen!" You barked with a frown. Your brother only glancing down at you for a second before he looked back up at Daryl.
"You stay away from her," This time you shoved at Glenn's chest harder. "Glenn Rhee, shut up!" You snapped, and Glenn shook his head. "Look, I'm not letting my sister last resort to someone like him!" He snapped, and you shook your head. Daryl shifted a little uncomfortably behind the both of you. Looking down at the ground. The mix of yelling and insults thrown at him making him uncomfortable.
"Yeah? Last resort or not, I wish I met him sooner," you snarled, and Daryl peeked up at that. He was about to walk off. He was worried that you would insult him next, but he was interested now.
"The hell do you mean by that?" Glenn asked, and you felt your hands grow a little clammy with a mix of embarrassment and anger. "He treats me nice." You told your brother, and you noticed the way his brow relaxed a little. "Really nice. Better than any guy before all this ever did. He treats me like I'm someone, and not just a toy. I like him and I'm not letting you scare him off, Glenn. I'd do anything for you! You're my big brother, but Daryl's not a bad guy," you told your brother with a slight frown. Trying your best to convince your brother that Daryl wasn't using you. Or at least you hoped he wasn't.
Daryl couldn't believe that you were standing up for whatever the two of you had going on. He was shocked to hear that he treated you better than any other guy you had been with. Either you had only been with one other guy, or you had as good of luck with relationships as he did.
He was just glad that you thought whatever the two of you had going on was as nice as he thought it was. It was the nicest thing he's had in years, honestly.
"Fine." You both looked at Glenn this time. Your brother meeting Daryls eyes. His glare settling back on his face. "But if anything, and I mean anything happens to you," He looked back to you, "And I find out it's his fault," He looked up at Daryl again. "He's dead." Glenn snarled, and you nodded. Reaching out to give him a hug with a smile. "Thank you, Glenny." He nodded with a sigh, returning the hug. "Just, stay safe..." He muttered in your ear, and you nodded. Pulling from your brother before watching him wander back towards camp.
"Does that make us something?" Daryl asked, taking a step closer to you. You froze at his words. Looking over your shoulder at the male. "What?" He shrugged. "You fought for whatever we got goin' on. We more than just a dirty secret?" He asked, and you brought your lower lip between your teeth. You shrugged, reaching up to rub your jaw. "I guess," he smiled softly. He didn't say anything more. He only motioned for you to follow him back to camp.
From then on, though. You and Daryl were practically inseparable. Especially since you didn't necessarily have to hide it from Glenn anymore. Merle was another story.
Daryl was far from touchy when it came to being around the others, but he was always right there with you. Whether it be standing by you, sitting near you, lying with you at night, or watching you as you talked to someone. He was making sure the others who got too close knew that you were off the table. He considered you his now, as he was yours. Whether you liked it or not. You were stuck with him.
More so, whether Glenn liked it or not.
Taglist: @ambassadortotrilliusprime @tuttifuckinfruttifriday
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stormflower8 · 1 year ago
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south asian!ballister part three!
it's times like these where I can't help but feel a little bad for people who have little to no interest in these headcanons, because this is my third day in a row posting these and I feel as though they may be clogging up the tags a little bit
oH WELL
speaking of, part one is here, and part two is here!
also, I saw someone asking if people can use these in their own headcanons or fics or art and YES, absolutely yes!! but if you do, please tag me (or whatever the equivalent of that is, I'm still very new to tumblr, this is like my fourth post) because I would love to see it!!
okay I ripped up tumblr to find this but this stream of headcanons is inspired by this post!
specifically this part "I find the idea of Nimona not being able to handle spicy food but loving it at the same time hilarious Especially considering the fact that they’re living with two Asian men and Asians don’t play about spice (I swear to this day my Mama burned both her and my tastebuds off) They try really hard to look tough and eat all the food they’re given But snot is running down their face and there are tears in their eyes and they need to take constant breaks Poor baby coughs when you add sriracha to their food Whereas Bal and Ambrosius are out here guzzling hot sauce like it’s water Nimona prays on their downfall while also begging the boys to teach them their ways"
credit to @a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual for the above segment
so, naturally, ballister and ambrosius have an incredibly high spice tolerance
back in their institute days, they would have little contests on who could intake the most spice without faltering
neither of them could consistently best the other, it was inconsistent results and basically was just a 50/50 situation
ambrosius is the kind of person to eat a ghost pepper straight and be like "oh that's kind of spicy" in the most casual but mildly interested voice ever. as if he's pleasantly surprised
pre-canon, ambrosius would have bal test the spice level of dishes, but post-canon, he realized that wasn't the best idea, so he gave the job to nimona instead
there's this south asian condiment called "achaar", and it's basically... okay I have no idea how to explain it but the wikipedia definition is South Asian pickles, also known as Avalehikā, Uppinakaayi, Pachadi, Loncha or Noncha, Achaar, Athāṇu or Athāṇo or Athāna, Khaṭāī or Khaṭāin, Sandhan or Sendhan or Sāṇdhāṇo, Kasundi, or oorugaai is a pickled food made from a variety of vegetables and fruits preserved in brine, vinegar, edible oils, and various South Asian spices.
it basically adds a sort of tangy spicy flavor to your food
and while that sounds kind of strange I swear it's good
actually I don't like achaar very much but I've heard from family members that it's good LMAO
anyways, ballister uses it religiously. he LOVES that shit
there is a jar of achaar on the table at all times
ambrosius doesn't like it and it's too spicy for nimona, but they get it anyways because of how much ballister likes it
speaking of food,
there are certain south asian foods that ballister really holds close to his heart
like, he got them at the orphanage, but never at the institute
so like, street foods
specifically pani puri (also called golgappa and probably more names) because it's my favorite
for those of you who don't know what that is, it literally translates to "water (pani) deep fried bread (puri)" but that is the worst explanation ever so just google it
ballister, obviously, can't cook anything except rice and chai (I mean, seriously, just look at him. he's banned from the kitchen), so he never learned to make any of those traditional south asian recipes he loves
one day, post-canon, ambrosius finds a place that specializes in pani puri and remembers ballister describing them to him pre-canon and decides to grab some
he brings them home and when he shows ballister, Ballister was silent for a moment, a tantalizing, tense moment that had Ambrosius all but holding his breath. His anxiety began rising as his gaze flickered from Ballister to his setup on the table and back again. Maybe I misread his reminiscence all those years ago, Ambrosius panicked internally. Oh god, maybe I completely misremembered it and he has no connection to this at all. Or, worse, I crossed a line I shouldn't have even approached. "Uh," Ambrosius managed an awkward chuckle. "I saw a place, and it reminded me of something you once said, and I thought it might be a good idea but I guess it wasn't and I probably shouldn't have led with 'I have a surprise you'll like' because that just sets up expectations and-" His rapid-fire speech was completely silenced when Ballister crossed the room in a few long strides, cupped Ambrosius's face in his hands, whispered "I love you so much." in a voice that sounded almost choked up, and kissed him.
anyways, south asian food, especially street food, holds an incredibly special place in his heart
this last one I'm kind of torn on my approach to it, but it still felt worth throwing in the pot
horrible pakistani dramas
god I hate them
so, there are two options here
option A, ballister hates them too
he can't stand them, he complains about them whenever they come up, if for whatever reason he has to watch one he'll rip apart the plot so much so that the writers would never recover if they heard him
or option B, ballister has a love/hate relationship with them
because let's be real, no one other than my thrice divorced aunt ACTUALLY likes them
now option B can go a number of different ways
maybe bal really hates the idea of them and hates the plot, but goddamnit it, they STILL get him stupidly invested in the plot to the point where he's yelling at all the characters in urdu and on the verge of ugly crying and going on an angry rant and just bundling himself up in a miserable blanket blob
or maybe he hates them in theory, but they're a guilty pleasure that he only really indulges in for the kind of entertainment where it's so bad it's entertaining
I honestly have no clue if ANY of those are in character, but I'm sure if I shoot either one of them or some combination of multiple, it'll be at least slightly accurate, right?
finally, two super short ones!
ballister has a rule against no shoes in the house
"oh, but he's seen wearing shoes in the house in the movie!" uh, yeah, in a dusty ass abandoned tower. only AFTER he had it all cleaned out and actually furnished (post-canon) did he (and ambrosius!) start taking off their shoes indoors
and
he sits down to eat or drink
even just a glass of water, he'll sit down for it
even if 'sitting down' entails sitting on a table
it's just a force of habit at this point
looking at my notes, that is actually everything I have written down! this means that these headcanons will probably cease now, as it might take me a while to come up with more.
we'll see though!
-Storm
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robotsrawesome64 · 8 months ago
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Hello dear, I can't believe I found someone who does cod matchups, I'm so happy! Can I get a matchup with a cod guy? If you already have too many requests and don't feel like writing, you can ignore this, don't worry about it ♥️
Female, 25, gemini, enfj.
Personality wise, I got two sides (stereotypical for a gemini, ik). Most of the times, I'm affectionate, teasing, playful and loving but I also get dead serious, cold and slightly intimidating in a blink of an eye if it's needed. I'm basically that meme: I can be your angel or your devil. Extremely ambitious when I want something or when I want to excel at something. Really protective and caring to my dear ones, I'd do anything for them. Unfortunately, I tend to overwork myself in silence. I bottle up everything and walk it off, continue working and caring for others more (but every girlboss needs a kiss on the forehead sometimes). I'm confident most of the time and can stand up for myself no matter what.
In cod I'd definitely be support. My favorites are: König, Keegan, Price, Ghost, Krueger. I'm ok with any theme and any dynamic.
My hobbies are: reading, martial arts training, dancing, playing guitar.
Fun facts: I'm in the medical field. I have a hidden tattoo of a a crescent moon. I'm a dog person. Oh and I speak Romanian - I am from Ro lol and German - still learning this one.
Thank you so much for your time, please take care of yourself and have a great day/night!
☾⋆⁺ARE YOU KIDDING ITS PRIIIIICE MAMAS /j /pos
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w: described heat exhaustion symptoms, temporarily ill alone with responsibility, dubcon flirting (fraternization; price is a higher rank ((diff units but still)) ), emotional abandonment/manipulation mention (price) + Unfinished, i had it sitting and more ambition but this all i got gotta prioritize self care like u said >:D, short storyish thing, <3, narrator has beef with price
☾⋆⁺ Price is the uhh, Captain right? The one meant to be giving orders, not taking them? The rest of the team had never seen Price stutter before.
☾⋆⁺ (forgive me if I butcher medical infos lmao, help much appreciated) Just kidding, you were a Captain now too via your transfer into English QARANC as Senior Nurse. Oh, how quickly the time goes. To climb that quickly? Impressive dedication. Not that it was surprising coming from you.
So when Price saw you across the room in the flesh as superior medical staff as part of his brigade for his specialist unit- uh oh. How the hell did you weasel your way in here? It's elite-elite, I mean, what are the chances? He- uh, of course you did, who is he kidding. He was just…insecure.
Mouth ajar, he blinked out of his blank expression with a cough as Gaz tilted his head in the way of him- "Sir?"- and followed Price's gaze back to you.
☾⋆⁺ So when you felt the heat of being watched, and managed to scan the new environment just to see him-? Oh, god. How do I say this: to say you've met before would be an understatement.
~~~
You're flooded back to that familiar field tent as Junior Staff Nurse- that suffocating humidity only enunciated by the heat waves blurring your far-vision of the sand and dried shrubs outside the mouth of the tent.
It was your first job allied with an SAS unit, and you could feel the sweat clinging your shirt to your back. All today had been a sudden intake of…too many people. Sure, you weren't alone, but come late afternoon, hurried triaging then treatment, your superiors had taken their break first, leaving you alone simply to monitor your now stable patients.
I think it's in that silence and break you realize just how much your head has been spinning; how the sun seemed to glint on the sand outside and beam right into your eyes; how your cheeks felt burning and your pulse was hammering. God, how did you not notice that before? You automatically caught yourself to brace back on a plastic table as you steeled yourself, reaching back to fiddle out a plastic bottle of water from that mess of container material.
Focus. You forced yourself to take a drink, gaze glazed over but keeping yourself together.
You felt a break in the light in your periphery causing you to faintly wince. The shadow almost walked straight past, but took a step back to pause at the entrance, bobbing both ways to check the interior. "You alright?" A gruff voice croaked out. Regardless of your strained response, they stepped forward, hesitantly taking in the environmental context clues for your circumstance. "Team leave you?" He double-took at the extent of the sight of you, pausing before doubling back to close the tent entrance to keep in the much needed cool. Head lulled down, all you registered was the dry beige camo of his uniform moving in and out of your vision as he faffed with something.
"D'you mind?" He grumbled lightly, offering his hand to help you sit down on the floor, albeit to lean against the leg of the table. He showed the cloth-covered cold pack in his hand, leaning down to meet your eyes with a furrowed brow. "'You're fine?'" He quoted with a chuff. "Ah, alright. More for me." He got up, pretending to pat the pack against the back of his neck and sighing faux relief.
After a pause he raised a smug brow at you, handing you the pack for the back of your neck, etc. In his motion you note the 'PRICE' embroidered on his jacket.
'Price' stood back, exhaling and crossing his arms, sporting light-hearted dry conversation as he rocked his weight. How long you'd felt like that, what happened, where your superiors were. Just checking it was definitely just heat exhaustion and if he had to stay the 30 minutes for you.
When you rightfully spit him out at his low-key condescending tone he put his hands up in defence, apologizing half-heartedly and trying to distract you with humour and everyday questions. He wasn't the most charming thing, but his noise was a half-decent change to your silent suffering prior.
☾⋆⁺ Lieutenant John Price. He always seemed to end up looking over your shoulder in the time you worked alongside each-other. Commenting something dumb only to be rewarded with your wit, sending the two of you into an endless feedback loop until he's leaning a little too close and, uh- check yourself, Lieutenant. Looked a little too fraternal there.
☾⋆⁺ Sometimes it was hard to relate to the other specialists. You'd both graduated your trainings much quicker than your peers, both exceptionally diligent and good at what you do. But every star has to have a weakness, right?
Something about each-others company felt natural, easy. Unintentionally, you both tended to scare off folks. But not each-other. Two sharp-edged puzzle pieces. Lounging around on base, finally on downtime, he'd plant himself next to you. Drowning out the chatter of others, he'd lean over and prop his foot up on his knee, staring at what book you were reading. What today? He reeked of potential snark until you looked at him. Price's face instinctively softened before collected himself with a hand along his hair, trying not to smile too obviously for the others in the room.
☾⋆⁺ One victory later and you couldn't make it out drinking for celebrations due to finishing writing up some boring documentations. Looking both ways, Price snuck out of the event early to return back and find you. He knew where you'd be by now. He always stood at doorways, never in, until the familar tread of boots on dried grass broke your focus. This felt like the first time you both were actually alone. The extent of your intimacy so far was staring for a thousand words a little too long when others weren't looking.
He strutted in the finally otherwise vacant tent, presence arrogantly, blatantly hovering over you as you continued to work. To the tune of- 'c'mon.' He gently tried his hand on your cheek, tilting his head to stare as he rubbed a circle there with his thumb.
If it didn't work immediately he'd take out his phone, humming an incomprehensible tune before the tinny music played from the phones speaker- music you love you'd mentioned in passing. He swayed and mumbled the lyrics (?), stepping a little closer to lower his hand to yours for you to take- to dance with you all the way into the night.
☾⋆⁺ Which makes your throat tighten even more in the present day once the focus(/panic) had passed and he's finally laying stable on the care bed by you.
The man who left you. Abandoned you in the name of work and 'greater causes'. A relationship that would've gotten him fired, yes, but his snap decision and the coldness in his eyes as he plainly announced it had sat rightfully boiling in your blood since.
FIN
~~but i am curious, like as u work together more would u fall back into some kinda tension?? weird asides? him taking yr orders? emotional reconciliation? or is he dead-dead to you?? IM INVESTED ~price by goldeagleactual on PT
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taylortruther · 11 months ago
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(im sorry sometimes i just send you long asks about my opinions, but it’s because i feel like even if you disagree or think what im saying is dumb (for the lack of a better word), you would be nice and gentle about it haha. ignore me if you want!)
maybe the way i view celebs is “wrong” but i grew up in india, and i literally learned to never rely on them. they do and say the dumbest things, but no one bats an eye because it’s like “ofc this famous person said and did this.” in the same vein, i don’t rely on her to feel that im making a difference in society by calling her out. as for everyone always talking about expecting better from her, i literally don’t expect anything from her. i obviously recognize that her outreach is so very wide so of course i would love if she did say something and addressed certain things, but i have seen that she will not speak on issues pertaining to other countries and sticks to her lane with 3-5 major things in the US, so why would i expect her to speak about anything else? having followed her for so long, based on past, how could i and why would i? (this sounds unkind i think but i actually mean it in a kind way lmao). her speaking on things would just bring me personal peace that she did her part and that i support a good person, but beyond that, if i actually want change, why would i focus on her at alllll instead of focusing on an actual political figures? that’s time spent doing something that will result in nothing instead of something else (i realize this is extremely ironic because im typing this long ask and spending time on it 💀 i love being a hypocrite i guess)
instead of focusing any of my energy wanting her to do things she probably won’t do, i spend my time actually supporting things i believe in, and constantly having uncomfortable conversations with people around me. and the impact i have is actually very little compared to all that other people do, so instead i spend time feeling guilty about it and thinking what can i do? (that’s kinda a joke but also not a joke at all alkjgdgsj)
also, like im so in terms of how she and i are different. im a poc immigrant, and im extremely privileged in general, but compared to her it’s nothing. she is the biggest star in the world. no way our approach or thinking aligns. i feel like calling her out and constantly thinking about her “wrongs” just makes me feel conflicted about her. i don’t want to align myself with her politically and not because she is a conservative or something but because there are other people who are more sensible to align myself with. and it’s not that i don’t critically think about her, but that im being selfish and affording myself this luxury.
basically, all that word-jargon to say i love her music and i love her as a person and her traits very dearly, and the way she approaches political issues is something i used to be in gripes with but have accepted and come to terms with. and maybe i have cognitive dissonance and im actually blind to how evil she is because im a “cupcake” swiftie, but oh well. i guess i just have no morals then 😭
arshia i completely agree with you and imo this describes my own mentality about it really well. she does not represent me and frankly i do not really want her to try. of course, i wish she'd come out and say some shit like "MONEY FOR WAR BUT NOT FOR CITIZENS? CALL YOUR REPS AND SIT IN IN ALL THEIR OFFICES" fjdkasl but i'm not going to hold my breath. taylor's conscience is her own, i can't control it!
and if someone cannot stomach celebrities at all because of what they represent - FAIR! i turn off that part of my brain to be on here, because this is my fun lil hobby. and i think i am making more of an impact irl than i ever could on here. although, if anyone learns anything about their own politics through my blog, i consider that a win.
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