#I really just need some people to talk to to help me work this out but I'm also so desperate not to spoil things for most of my audience.

[uncle-fruity]

[Image ID: tags from Tumblr user strawberri-syrup that read: #how do u translate knowing u do this into actually fixing it #my lack of communication has killed all my friendships and idk where to start /End ID]

Hey, good question! It's one thing to know about what your behaviors are and another thing to know how to change them into new (hopefully helpful) behaviors. Idk if this will help you, but I'm going to bring up some strategies to help folks break free of their people pleasing habits.

Let's focus on you, first. Being a people pleaser requires you to objectify and dehumanize yourself in the process, so that is what you're working against. When you people please, there is a part of yourself that has decided your comfort and your needs are not as important or worthy as other people's comfort and needs. This isn't usually a conscious decision, but rather learned through past experiences and current insecurities. It's why a lot of people pleasers have a history of emotional abuse: the abuser requires you to shut down your emotional needs and predict their moods, and when you can't do that (no one can forever) they punish you. So you might very well have picked up the message that you are only as good as you are useful or only as good as you are patient/nice and that any amount of "negative emotion" (anger, sadness, disappointment, etc) will not be tolerated even by people you love.

That is a hard cycle to break out of. So, to start, I think it's good to take some time to reflect on what emotion or belief drives your need to people please and bottle yourself up. Working against feelings of insecurity, fear of abandonment, fear of ridicule, fear of conflict... that's the hardest part of this, but it's also the most important thing to practice. But there are things that will help you.

So let's say you've already figured out why you act like this. You know why you tend to people please and you're in the middle of processing your feelings about it. Good! That will be an ongoing process. But reflection and wanting to change aren't much without action behind them, and that is much harder than just thinking about things.

So! First really actionable thing you can do is set some boundaries! You don't have to do the scary telling your friends part yet, you just need to know what your boundaries are. A lot of people pleasers don't know what their boundaries are. They might have boundaries, but they let people walk over those boundaries because they don't recognize that they were boundaries to begin with. So, define those. Maybe you don't like being touched in certain ways. Maybe you get anxious and need to leave in certain situations. Maybe you need to have a dedicated time for just yourself without anyone contacting you... idk what your needs are; I'm not you. But you are you and you know what you need and want -- or at least have a better chance of figuring it out than I do.

Remember!! Boundaries are something *you* enforce for yourself. Obviously, a good friend will respect your boundaries, but if someone doesn't respect your boundaries, it is your job to respond to that. Let's say you have the boundary, "Don't yell at me/raise your voice in anger when we're having a disagreement." Well, you can't control someone who doesn't care about your feelings and will walk over your boundary even after you told them about it. What you can do is control your response. So, when you think of the boundaries you have, you should also consider what you will do in response to someone crossing that boundary. In our example, perhaps a good response would be to walk away, leave the conversation until the other person can talk to you with respect for your needs.

I've spent a long time on boundaries, but that's because it's one of the most important things for a people pleaser to understand about themselves. Think of people pleasing like muscle memory. If you do it enough, it will be your default mode of action. You won't have to think about it to do it. But breaking your current muscle memory and rebuilding that memory into something else will require intention and dedication. Boundaries help you focus your intentions and define your needs. Many smarter people than me have talked about boundaries before, so look into some resources about how to make and maintain boundaries if you want to learn more.

Next, setting expectations. This is about understanding where your limits are and having conversations with the people you love before it becomes an issue. Best example I have is one of my own experiences. I am very bad at responding to texts and messages when I'm overwhelmed or busy. I can go weeks without responding if the matter isn't urgent. But this can be a problem in my relationships if that behavior goes fully unaddressed. People start to feel like you're avoiding them or blowing them off. So I started setting expectations for folks -- I was open about the fact that my response times are bad. I was clear that it was not a personal thing when I didn't get back to people. And I made sure to reassure people that even if I'm not responding, I am *looking* at the messages soon after they're sent, and I *will* respond if there is an emergency or if there's a time sensitive question. I haven't had a problem with this since having open and honest conversations up front *before* it became a real problem.

All that to say, if you know you have preferences or behaviors that might conflict with your relationships, talk to your friends about it and make sure y'all are on the same page. A lot of times, people pleasers feel like they need to anticipate the needs of the people around them. That can be good and bad, depending on how you go about it. But it is much easier when you actually talk to them about their needs and expectations. This should be a two-way conversation. Everyone involved should state their needs and together you should define expectations within the relationship.

The communication part is really the key here. It isn't bad to want to care for your friends. It isn't even bad to occasionally put your own preferences aside in order to compromise. But if your friends don't know that something is upsetting you, they can't do anything about it. Which cycles around to the emotional abuse pattern of "mind reading." When you hide your anger or resentment, you are essentially making your friends read your emotions and anticipate your needs. It destabilizes the friendship. If your friends don't know what upsets you, how can they know that they're upsetting you if you don't speak up? Not only that, but if they're trying to figure out why you're upset, they might read it wrong and find solutions for problems you don't have while the original problem continues to churn inside you. That is ALSO a thing people pleasers do.

Another example. I have a people pleaser friend who has the history of emotional abuse etc etc. There was a time (years ago) when she'd get drunk and show me her tits and like. Yeah. I appreciated looking at tits. Love that stuff. But what she anticipated is that I would want to have sex with her. So she offered one day (she was sober, fwiw) and I said sure! But I always like to have a conversation about what people are into and all that. She dodged so many of my questions about what she liked, what she wanted, etc. Not only that, but I felt like she wasn't really listening to me when I was talking about what I liked and she didn't ask any questions to get to know my preferences better. So when we finally got to the sex part, I was stressed out. She sounded like she was faking her pleasure. She didn't want to touch me in any way that really felt good to me. She just expected me to use my strap and have my fun. It made me feel absolutely terrible about myself. Like, I didn't need to have sex with her. I didn't think that her showing me her boobs was naturally going to lead to sex. Looking back, this was a particularly rough time for our friendship, so we eventually had a conversation about it. It came out that she only had sex with me because she assumed that's what I not only wanted but expected from her. I honestly felt extremely hurt. I'd originally thought she *wanted* to have sex with me, and that was the only reason I agreed to do it. I felt ugly and undesirable when she didn't want to touch me. I felt like her fake pleasure sounds were condescending. Not to mention she tried to dirty talk in a way that supremely turned me off, which might have been avoided if she was actually engaged in our conversation talking about what we wanted/liked in bed.

The point of that story, though, is that it really damaged our friendship and was a blow to my (at the time) fragile self-esteem. These days, I'd be able to spot some of these red flags and choose not to have sex under those conditions, but at the time it was hard to recognize what was happening until it was over. I learned that she would not be forthright with her own needs and desires and whatnot, so I had to start checking in with her when she offered to do certain things. Questioning her like, "Do you really want that? Do you *know* what you want right now?" And being clear that she could not read my mind and that I didn't appreciate her trying to. That if I wanted something from her, I would ask directly and respectfully and that she was always allowed to say no if she didn't want to and I wouldn't get angry at her for refusing me. Years later, we are still friends. There are still rough spots we need to work out, but she has gone to therapy and is finally dating someone who doesn't treat her like an emotional support girlfriend. It has taken her years, but she is finally working to correct some of her people pleasing behaviors, and we have a better relationship for it. It took her awhile to believe me when I said I would tell her directly if I was upset and that she didn't need to worry about me dropping subtle hints at her.

Which, I think, finally brings me to my last point. So far, I've talked about defining your boundaries and setting expectations within your friendships. I've explained through example why the behavior can actually recreate patterns of abuse or cause harm. A lot of this stuff you can work on alone, but there is another thing you need to be able to work on changing your people pleasing ways: a good, trustworthy friend.

I started being able to talk about my emotions, my needs, my annoyances, my angers when I finally felt like I had someone who would listen to them without getting angry and flying off the handle. When I first started dating my current partner, I was in awe of how level headed our conversations were when there was conflict. They listened to me. They told me how they were feeling. We worked together to see where the issue was and what we could do to address the issue in the future. It was my partner who brought up problems they had, and it was those direct conversations that made me feel safe enough to speak up when I had a problem. It gave me a space to practice being vulnerable with someone I knew loved me and wanted the best for both of us. On the other side of this, I believe my friend that I mentioned above really started to make progress when she started therapy and when I showed her that I was serious about being open and honest with my emotions and that she wasn't obligated to fix my problems for me. It also helped that she got out of a cycle of dating toxic fuckheads who enabled/encouraged her people pleasing behaviors so they could take advantage of her.

The fear of abandonment, fear of ridicule... the stuff I talked about up front. Those are not illogical fears when most of your life you've been taught that you will be punished for your emotions. You need to surround yourself with people who will encourage you to speak up for yourself. You need a friend who will check in with you and make sure you're not just saying "yes" because you feel like you should. You need people who are clear about what they want and need from your friendship.

Standing up for yourself, expressing your emotions, stating your needs, setting boundaries -- you can only do so much alone. The hardest part is deciding to take that leap of faith in your friends and gritting your teeth hoping for a good outcome. Hopefully, you have decent friends who care about your feelings and who will make an effort to support you. But let me be clear: if your friends treat you badly because you've done the hard emotional work to start setting and maintaining boundaries, those are not good friends. I am a big believer in cutting toxic people out of your life when you can, because you *do* deserve better. And, thankfully, most people are not going to react badly to you having preferences and opinions and feelings. It's normal for someone to have their best interests in mind, and as long as they aren't hurting other people, it's okay to have hard emotions like anger, disappointment, sadness, etc. But it's okay for you to have standards for how you are treated in your friendships/relationships. It's not just okay, but it's absolutely essential for healthy relationships to thrive. And it is hard to trust when you've had a lifetime of feeling like you can't trust others to treat you with respect, but you still have to try. And you don't have to be emotionally invested in people who treat you like an object whose job it is to keep them happy. Even just having one friend that you feel safe to be vulnerable with can make a huge difference and give you a way to practice these things.

Tl;dr -- define your boundaries, have a plan for how to respond if someone crosses a boundary, have conversations with your friends to set expectations within the friendships even if there is no current conflict, and believe that you deserve to have a voice and that you are worthy of the full range of human emotion. Ultimately, you have to find a way to convince yourself that you are worth caring about, and you need to surround yourself with people who do care about you and who will help you learn healthier behavioral habits.

Sorry for the long post, but hopefully there's something you can take away from it. Perhaps others will have other strategies they'd like to add, but knowing your boundaries and learning to care about yourself are at the core no matter what.

You're not actually a better friend for not articulating and respecting your own needs, limits and boundaries. Your lack of communication and boundaries is not some impressive sacrifice. You're not doing anyone any favors by acting like you're okay with things you aren't okay with. You're just building burnout and resentment that will eventually damage the relationship in question. And when you eventually snap and walk away because you silently overburdened yourself to be a "good friend", it won't be the other persons fault

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is seeing the signs that your friend is in a toxic relationship but they refuse to acknowledge it when you tell them and say "we're in love, you wouldn't get it"

hey, something I've noticed is that people... don't know how to bring up signs of toxicity. and the thing is, the major "do not" is to directly call the relationship abusive/toxic, or the other(s) in it such, which is also the thing almost everyone I talk to says they did in your position.

quoting from a New York state gov site about domestic violence:

Here are some examples of how you can Start the Conversation: - “I noticed that sometimes [insert partner’s name] does this [insert concerning tactic that you’ve seen]. Does that happen a lot? How does that make you feel?” - “I’m concerned about your safety. Is it okay if we talk about it?” - “I’m so glad you told me about [insert disclosure of abuse]. How can I help or support you? What do you need?” - “I noticed lately that you’ve been [insert survivor’s behavior like “getting hurt a lot lately” or “not going out as much”]. Is everything okay? If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here for you.” - “I know this can be really hard to talk about. I promise I believe you and won’t judge any of your choices or experiences. I care about you and just want you to be safe.” - “I recently read/watched/heard [insert book, article, movie, podcast about domestic violence]. Have you read/seen/heard it? What do you think?”

These are all adaptable to toxic relationships, high control groups like cults, and generally, someone experiencing distress. For example,

"I've noticed that sometimes [person/group/work] does [concerning tactic, addressed as factually as possible. ie, talking over you, making jokes you don't seem to enjoy, grabbing you, etc, NOT 'being a bitch']. Does that happen a lot? How do you feel about it?

Then, DO NOT say how you feel about it without letting them speak! Don't launch into "I saw them do it 8 times today, and I think you're ignoring it because you think you love them, and that's bad!" Let them tell you what they notice, do not blame them for staying, and do not call the situation bad until they do!

If they say, "oh, I don't think it's that bad/that frequent.", you don't have to agree, but you could say, "I thought it happened a few times today, but if you aren't worried, I'll try not to push. Just know you can always talk to me if it does change."

If you DO push too far, and that happens, be careful. The main problems from that are 1) they feel like you're judging them, so they stop engaging with you. 2) they tell the abusive group, who WILL try to stop them from contact with you, 3) this actually pushes them FURTHER into the toxic situation, because now someone who cares is inaccessible. Dial it back.

"I'm sorry I came across so strong. I shouldn't have been so accusatory, I was worried and got carried away. You can always talk to me if things change, but I shouldn't have gone about it like that even if it were that bad."

Good luck.

[theonlyonesora]

The Third Rule

Lily x Oscar Piastri x You (Reader)

12 – Following Forward

The next day was quiet.

Oscar had sent a few casual messages throughout the morning, checking in after his flight and sending a picture of the hotel room with some sarcastic comment about the view. Lily had smiled at her phone, but the weight of the conversation she still needed to have pressed down on her chest.

Later that afternoon, she called him. He picked up almost immediately.

“Hey, baby,” he said, his voice soft with exhaustion. “I already miss you.”

Lily leaned back on her bed, her fingers tangled in her bedsheets. “Hey. I miss you too.”

Oscar noticed the shift in her tone. “What’s going on?”

She paused, gathering her thoughts. “I talked to (Y/N).”

There was silence for a beat.

“She’s not comfortable with... how things have been,” Lily continued gently. “She liked the time we all had together, but she doesn't want to be part of something like that long-term. It’s not her. And she’s afraid of hurting either of us.”

Oscar let out a slow breath. “I figured.”

“She just wants to go back to being friends. She doesn’t want to come between us.��

There was another long pause before he spoke again. “So… that’s it, then?”

Lily nodded, even though he couldn’t see her. “Yeah. I think it’s for the best.”

Oscar didn’t sound angry. Just thoughtful. “It’s weird. I really liked having her around. The three of us… it felt good.”

“I know,” Lily said softly. “But it only felt good because we all agreed to it. If one person isn’t in it, then it doesn’t work.”

“Yeah,” he murmured. “I get that.”

She smiled faintly. “We’re okay, though?”

Oscar’s voice warmed. “Of course we are. We’ll be okay, Lily.”

A beat of silence passed, soft but not uncomfortable.

“You still want me, right?” he asked quietly, like a kid pretending to be casual.

She chuckled. “Always.”

They stayed on the line for a while after that, talking about nothing. Just two people anchoring each other after the storm of something unspoken.

.

The cold autumn air in the city had always helped (Y/N) think. Maybe that was why she found herself walking more lately—long routes to campus, detours through the park, coffee runs just for the sake of it. Anything that helped her feel like herself again.

Oscar and Lily? Still together. Still posting candid shots from races and little couple moments that earned thousands of likes. And while (Y/N) was still tagged in old photos, she had stopped reposting them. It wasn’t bitterness. Just distance.

And maybe a little self-preservation.

University was relentless again—final papers, career fairs, presentations—but (Y/N) was thriving. Top of her class in Finance Strategy, already getting calls back from internship interviews. And one of them had come from a consulting firm she didn’t even think she’d land. The recruiter? A sharp-dressed, blue-eyed grad named Matteo who had been clearly smitten from their first coffee meeting.

They started seeing each other more. Not fast. Not wild. But steady. Healthy. She didn’t post him right away—only when it felt right. A soft black and white photo of his hand in hers, two coffee mugs in frame, the caption just a quiet: “Some peace looks like this.”

It wasn’t long before the comments came in.

“Wait… where’s Oscar?? 😳”“I thought she was with Lily and Oscar??”“Okay but I support this, she looks genuinely happy.”“Poly breakup confirmed?”

Even Lily messaged her that night.

“He’s cute. I’m happy for you. Really.”

That message made (Y/N) cry more than she expected.

She wasn’t running away from who she’d been in Vegas, or in the weeks that followed. But she also wasn’t going to live there forever. (Y/N) had dreams to chase—boardrooms, big cities, something that felt real and solid.

She’d always been a little reckless, sure. But now? Now she wanted things that didn’t come from blurred lines and whispered excuses.

She wanted something that didn’t need to be justified.

Tag List:

@freyathehuntress, @mimisweetz, @aleatorio1234, @totallynotluluu, @rorabelle15, @prongslena, @linnygirl09, @mangotaitai, @forensicheart, @devilacot, @lilorose25, @landofotographyy, @paolexsstuff, @sanctify-mp3, @emma-manuhpe, @virtualperfectioncat, @forumlabee, @luv4gyuuu

[stillstarling]

Wanted to add on the topic of non-weight loss related nutrition advice. I was able to actually meet with a nutritionist for a while and directly get help in changing my diet to better suit what I needed and I learned some interesting things that aren't talked about often! (probably because they don't help you lose weight) Like eating multiple food groups (ideally 3 or more) in 1 meal actually means your body will get more out of each of the foods, than it would if you just ate fruit, or just ate carbs. Also, it should be common knowledge but it isn't. A "serving size" is not "the amount you should eat in 1 sitting" for most foods. For example, carbs, we should ideally eat 7-8 serving sizes of carbs a day. What's one serving size of carbs? 1 slice of bread, or 1 cup cooked pasta. So yeah, you can eat 7 cups of cooked pasta before passing the *ideal* carb intake for most people. That is, a lot of pasta. And if you're like me and love cheesy pasta, that's still fine. Cause it's recommended to have 2-3 servings of dairy a day. A serving of cheese is a solid chunk the size of your thumb. Or a cup of milk. A big plate of cheesy pasta *might* reach the daily recommended dairy serving, but this is the recommendation for nutrition! Not some sort of limit. Add some chicken to your pasta and now we've met the 3 food groups goal, and our bodies will thank us by getting even more nutrients out of the food and digesting it better! And I haven't even gotten to fruits or vegetables, add a salad on the side, or even broccoli or spinach into the pasta, and we're going above and beyond! What the nutritionist really helped with was seeing how easy it was to eat healthier when I had the proper framework of how nutrition works on a basic level. My body is much happier with me when I eat meals with multiple food groups now, and I'm not stressing over things diet culture likes to peddle, like cutting carbs. Because scientifically? I should be eating 7 cups of pasta a day. Or 2 cups and 2-3 sandwiches. etc. You get the picture. All food groups are important, and cutting one out never actually helps. Instead diversifying meals, which can be very simple, helps digestion and gives you more energy.

fatphobia and ableism is so insidious. You can look up like, food, and it'll say "eating a lot of food causes diabetes" and you're like oh dang what? I thought we didn't know the cause of diabetes. So you look up what causes diabetes and it says "we still don't know what causes diabetes" bruh they're just making shit up to give people eating disorders

[crushpunky]

actress!reader gets asked about drew

masterlist | actress!reader masterlist

based on this ask. a sort of compilation of y/n telling cute stories <3

Y/n settled in the chair opposite the podcast’s host, Claire, adjusting the mic as the interview began.

“Hello and welcome to another episode of Chit-Chat with me, your host, Claire Hale!” Claire said cheerfully before turning to face y/n. “Today we are going to be talking with the wonderfully talented y/n y/ln. Welcome!”

“Hi, thank you so much for having me.” Y/n smiled, smoothing a hand along her pants as the two of them launched into casual conversation, ranging in topics from y/n’s childhood to her favorite movies and her morning routine.

“So, I think the people are dying to know, how is married life?” Claire said, dropping her jaw open exaggeratedly. Y/n laughed, absentmindedly fidgeting with the diamond ring adorning her finger.

“It is great.” Y/n smiled. “I didn’t think it was possible to be this happy, y’know? Like I thought that I was happy before we got engaged, but actually being married is a whole other level.”

“Ugh, that’s so cute.” Claire swooned, causing y/n’s cheeks to warm as she thought back to the memory of waking up this morning in Drew’s arms. It was something that happened nearly every morning, but each time it made her heart flutter and fall impossibly more in love with him.

“I’m not even trying to over exaggerate or put on an act, I am just genuinely so happy right now.” Y/n continued, folding her hands in her lap as she smiled to herself.

“I think we are all so happy to hear that.” Claire nodded. “You and Drew have been together for such a long time, it’s so nice to just see two people who truly love and care for their work and each other. Speaking of, how do you guys sort of find that balance between work life and personal life, with both of you spending so much time away acting or away on projects?”

“It’s taken a lot of practice,” y/n chuckled. “Lots of hours of late night FaceTime calls and missed dinners until we both kind of decided that we needed to set up some boundaries and some of what we call ‘no excusers’.”

“‘No excusers’?” Claire asked, leaning in intently with a quirk of her brow. Y/n nodded, thinking back to when Drew and her had originally come up with the term. It had been after Drew missed a dinner with y/n’s parents, a dinner he had promised to be at amidst his busy schedule, just a day after y/n had to cancel on one of their preplanned coffee dates.

“Yeah, Drew and I sort of set up this system where we have certain things that we call ‘no excusers’.” Y/n explained. “They are things that the other person has to be at, or at least help to reschedule to be at, no excuses.”

“Both of us have such busy schedules, so it can just be super easy to retreat into yourself and just say ‘oh I’m too busy’ or ‘I can’t’, but we both knew that we wanted to be there for the other person when they needed it most, even if it was hard.” Y/n continued. “So, with the ‘no excusers’ we are sort of making a promise to the other person that we can count on them to be there for us, no excuses.”

“Really making sure to set aside time for you guys and your relationship and what’s important to that relationship.” Claire clarified.

“Yes.” Y/n agreed. “Neither of us had really been in a relationship with another actor or person in the industry, so we knew we had to make time for each other in our busy schedules if we wanted to keep this relationship.”

“That’s really sweet.” Claire grinned. “So, speaking of busy schedules, how did you guys find time out of yours to get married? I mean both of you had such huge and busy years last year, so I think everyone was pretty shocked to hear that you guys got married.”

“I think we were pretty shocked that we found the time too.” Y/n joked, causing Claire to laugh. Y/n remembered back to all the hectic planning on sets and over FaceTimes, getting dresses tried on between meetings with producers, tasting different cakes from the comfort of their home, pajamas on.

“No, but in all seriousness, I think we were both just so excited to get married that we were going to find time for it no matter how busy our schedules were.” Y/n said. “Both of us could barely wait a minute longer, like I remember that we had a countdown on the whiteboard in our kitchen, ‘Days Until We’re Married’, and we just made a huge deal of it each day counting down. Music, dancing, cheering, the whole shabang.”

“Stop, that’s so funny.” Claire chuckled.

“Our neighbors probably hated us, but we didn’t care.” Y/n giggled. “Like, did you expect me to not be excited to marry the love of my life?”

“No, you’re right, I can only imagine how excited you guys were.” Claire nodded. “I mean, you’ve been together for so long, like, four years?”

“Publically, yes, but privately about five.” Y/n giggled as Claire’s eyes widened.

“How did you guys even manage that?” Claire asked incredulously. “I mean, Outer Banks, like, blew up during that time, you must’ve had so many eyes on you.”

“Ha ha, yeah, that was certainly a very interesting time.” Y/n chuckled, remembering how the two of them would try and sneak around downtown Charleston, ducking into darkened allies to kiss like teenagers.

“It was during COVID, so for a while we just stayed inside. There weren’t very many opportunities to catch us, aside from the occasional social media post or livestream, but I think that we kept it pretty lowkey. I mean we already lived together, so we weren’t going back and forth between each other's places or anything like that.” Y/n continued. “But when things kinda started going back to normal, and we were going out more and more eyes were on us, it certainly became a lot harder.”

Y/n thought about a particular time in which a fan had snuck a picture of the two of them sitting on a bench just off the beach. The two of them shared AirPods, chatting casually. They hadn’t even realized that y/n had ended up perched in Drew’s lap, his hands resting on her hips as their faces sat just inches away from each other. They were too caught up in the moment, and in each other, to realize they were in public until they saw the photos later that afternoon.

“There were… multiple times where people pointed out something or noticed something that we hadn’t even thought about and we thought like ‘oh shit, we’ve been caught’, but we always managed to sorta weasel our way out of it.” Y/n giggled, brushing a bit of hair away from her face. “It was hard, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”

“Yeah,” Claire nodded. “That sort of situation definitely helps you guys to keep the relationship real, y’know? How did you guys decide to keep it private for so long? Was that a mutual decision?”

“Yes, yes it was definitely something we both agreed upon.” Y/n said. “I think we both wanted to make sure that our relationship was authentic and real, not just something shaped by other peoples’ perspectives or opinions. I really do think that that time where we kept things between ourselves helped to shape our relationship.”

“I know you said you kept it between yourselves, but other people definitely knew, right? They had to.” Claire asked.

“I honestly think that some of them knew before we knew ourselves.” Y/n laughed. There were so many moments and stares shared by the people around them who recognized the very obvious feelings between y/n and Drew. So many friends and family members would comment on the almost magnetic attraction the two exhibited, practically unable to go anywhere without the other. 

“But in all seriousness, yes people knew.” Y/n continued. “We kept it just between us for like… a month, month and a half maybe? But then we shared it with our friends, the Outer Banks cast, but they kinda already knew since we were all living together. Then a little after that we told our parents on FaceTime— because of COVID— and they also kinda had their suspicions.”

“That’s so funny.” Claire grinned. “Well, y/n, I really appreciate you taking the time to Chit-Chat with us! It was so much fun!”

“Thank you so much!” Y/n grinned. “Thank you for having me, it was a lot of fun.”

“Once again, thank you for watching and thank you for Chit-Chatting with us!” Claire said, her and y/n waving goodbye to the video and listeners at home.

[pagesfromthevoid]

Future Fest | b. f.

Bob Floyd x teacher!reader

High school recruitment isn’t usually on the short list of things to do during the day, but it is today.

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: None

Author's Note: I don't even know what possessed me but here I am. Also, the feral things the students say in this are actual quotes from my actual students.

Masterlist | Talk to Me! | AO3

She really needs to learn how to say “no” when people ask her to do things at work.

It’s a bad habit –a combination of the incessant need to be liked by everyone and genuinely caring about what the students would want–that she just can’t seem to break. 

Today, it’s Future Fest. The very first event of the year where any student sixteen and older can ditch their regularly scheduled classes and come down to the gym to talk to different college representatives, explore career choices, and interact with military recruiters. About 75% of those students are there to actually get an idea about what they want to do after high school –that other 25% are there to get out of class.

Not that she blames them, of course. She probably would have done the same thing if this had been a thing when she was in school. 

The college and career counselor at the school had asked her to help out, since most of her students had signed up to go anyway (and unfortunately for those who didn’t, they got to go anyway because of her). It’s all hands on deck when it comes to these sorts of events, just to ensure that things go smoothly and none of the kids act like fools. Plus, she’s getting paid for “covering” a class three periods in a row –not a lot, but it’s certainly better than nothing. 

Her task is to just walk the aisles and keep an eye on things. Talk to some of the representatives, thank them for coming to the school, encourage kids to talk to them too. It’s easy enough, and she jokes with many of the representatives that she’s getting her steps in today.

“Miss!” One of her students practically screams, running up to her and grabbing her arm. A gaggle of sophomore girls are trailing behind, carrying pamphlets for the Navy. “Have you seen the military guys?”

She peers over the heads of the students, towards the back of the gym, where the recruiters are. She can sort of make out their faces, but she’s not truly all that interested.

“I haven’t made my way over there yet,” she offers, pulling her arm free from the girl. “Why?”

“They’re hot.”

“You know, normal teenagers don’t tell their teachers when they find people hot,” she points out, rolling her eyes.

She’s suddenly surrounded by teenage girls, and she wishes for a moment that the kids didn’t like her half as much as they did. Boundaries are important, and teenagers have no idea how they work. They tell her things she truly does not want or need to know –though it’s a double edged sword. For all the weird, practically feral comments they make, they tell her things that are important to know. How their lives at home are, if they need help, if they’re struggling. She reminds them that she loves them, but they need to remember they’re not friends.

“Yeah but we’re not normal and you’re our mom, so like…it’s fine.”

They call her the school mom, which is…better than being their friend, she supposes.

The girls are insisting she go and talk to the recruiters, or at least look at them, so she throws her hands up and heads over. But she tells the girls they have to talk to three college representatives if she does that –they agree quickly and hurry off, though they’re watching to make sure she actually goes over there.

Rolling her eyes, she holds her hands behind her back and strolls down the aisle until she sees the banner for the Navy –then below it, a sign advertising the United States Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor Program. She thinks that’s a mouthful, though also knows the program is highly sought after by many of the students at the school. Being the closest high school to the naval air base will do that, though.

As she approaches, she can hear two of her students talking to the recruiters –one tall, blonde and holding a helmet that’s labelled “Hangman.” He’s confident, and he’s cute (she’ll give him that much), but she doesn’t particularly like how he’s talking to the boys in front of him. Beside him is another pilot, she assumes, since she’s wearing her flight suit and the helmet in front of her says “Phoenix.” She’s trying to cut in, but Hangman seems to be more interested in bragging than anything else. She catches the tail end of their conversation, something about their call signs and what they are. 

Beside Phoenix, however, is someone who looks too sweet to be in the military. He’s talking to a junior, showing him something on a tablet that looks like blueprints. But he’s smiling ear to ear, seemingly enjoying whatever he’s talking about. His glasses are slipping down the bridge of his nose, but he’s too caught up talking to the student to notice. 

He, she thinks, is cute. And he’s nice to the students, which is important to her.

She steps around the student, standing to the side as she waits for them to finish up. From this angle, she catches the name on his tag –Floyd –and makes a mental note. However, it’s Hangman who finishes up first, and approaches with an award-winning (and cocky) smile.

“Well hello there,” he offers, extending his hand. “Lieutenant Jake Seresin, at your service.”

She takes his hand politely, shaking it, and introducing herself. “Nice to meet you, lieutenant. I was just stopping over to thank you guys for coming out. It means so much to the school.”

His colleague Phoenix, extends her hand next, smiling as well. “Lieutenant Natasha Trace. It’s not a problem –we love coming out and doing stuff like this.”

“So you’re all pilots?” She asks, motioning towards their helmets. 

“Me and Phoenix are –Bob over there is a Weapons System Officer,” Lieutenant Seresin explains, though he’s smirking some as Natasha –Phoenix –elbows Bob to get his attention. 

Bob looks up, as if suddenly realizing she’s not a student and she’s an adult, and he turns a bit pink in the ears as he sets down his tablet.

“I’m sorry about that, ma’am,” he offers, then extends his hand to her. “Lieutenant Robert Floyd, though most people just call me Bob.”

She takes his hand and offers a real smile –not that she wasn’t smiling properly to his colleagues, but Bob seems sweet and it's hard not to offer him a proper one. She reintroduces herself one more time.

“It’s a pleasure –like I was saying, I just wanted to thank you guys for coming out and doing this. Future Fest is our big thing and the kids really love it. Having you guys join us is a big deal.”

“Oh, I love doing stuff like this,” Bob offers, and the smile on his face just hasn’t gone away.

She’s a bit distracted, caught up in just how genuinely interested he seems to be in the whole thing. Most people aren’t terribly excited to spend their day talking to high schoolers –but Bob actually seems to mean it. And she appreciates that, because she’s someone who also enjoys working with the students (though it would be a shame if she didn’t, given she’s a teacher). It helps that he’s got the prettiest blue eyes she’s ever seen, and he’s got some sort of accent that she can’t place but it’s nice to hear. 

Was it weird to flirt at school? She vaguely remembers her mom saying they used to flirt with the firemen when they came to her school, so it can’t be terribly inappropriate. It’s not like she’s doing anything lewd –she’s just talking. And smiling. 

“So what does a Weapons System Officer do, Lieutenant Floyd?” She asks, both because she’s interested and because she wants to keep hearing him talk. 

“Here we go,” Hangman says, rolling his eyes but Phoenix elbows him as they turn their attention to a student who approaches.

Bob beams at the chance to explain, taking up the tablet again and holding it out to her. “So WSO’s –that’s what I do –are responsible for manning the weapon systems of the F/A-18F Super Hornet strike fighter from that jet's aft seat. That’s just the back,” he explains, pointing to where he must be stationed when he’s in the plane. “Depending on the mission, when designated as the mission commander, I’m the one responsible for all phases of the assigned mission, especially if there are multiple aircraft involved.”

“So you’re in charge?” She asks, leaning against the table and zooming in on the inside of the plane. Though truthfully, she has no idea what she’s looking at. It’s just a lot of buttons and numbers she doesn’t quite understand. She’s certain, however, if she asked, he would explain it step by step to her.

“Like I said, it depends on the mission,” he offers, pulling the tablet back in front of him to show her something else. 

She must be staring, because from a few feet away, she hears her name being called, a handful of giggles and then,

“Ooh, miss! Get it!”

She blushes. Bob blushes. Hangman and Phoenix are paying attention suddenly and laughing.

“Savannah Johnson, you absolute menace,” she scolds, standing up straight. She turns to Bob, smiling sheepishly. “I’m sorry about that, Lieutenant Floyd. You’ll have to excuse me; I need to go remind the kids that they can’t be unhinged in mixed company.”

“Only in mixed company?” He jokes, but the blush has spread from his cheeks down his neck.

“I keep a running list of all the things they say in class all year,” she offers with a laugh, and she’s very aware that she’s being watched now but can’t help it.

“I’d love to see it,” he says and she really can’t help it now as she picks up a business card with his name on it.

“This your cell phone or your work phone?” She asks, holding it up in front of him. 

Bob swallows hard and shakes his head, but takes the card from her and a pen from his shirt pocket. He scribbles his number on the back and hands it back to her, almost timidly.

“I’ll send you a few when I go to lunch; then you can decide if you want the whole list.”

“Sounds great, miss.”

She turns on her heel to walk away, feeling the heat rising to her cheeks, as her students practically scream at her. She shoos them away, telling them they need to act better if they’re in public. 

The bell rings for lunch, and she’s waiting for the students to exit the gym, when he approaches her this time. She turns and smiles when she sees Bob, standing just a few inches taller than her, with a shy grin on his face. 

“Sorry to bother you, miss. I was just…,” He hesitates but she just smiles, waiting. “I was just wondering if you would like to have lunch with me? Phoenix and Hangman went off campus, but I brought my lunch.”

She bites her lip and nods some. “That sounds nice, actually. I usually eat in my classroom, if you want to go up there with me.”

She’d have to tell her velcro kids they need to go elsewhere today, but they would understand. Or they’d sit outside the door –either way. Bob nods and they make easy conversation as she leads him through the hallways of the school. She explains little things that he asks about –murals, artwork on display, awards. Everything he asks is tinged with actual interest and it makes her heart pound. 

There’s four or five kids sitting outside her door when they get upstairs, and they all look up at her in confusion as she opens the door. Bob waves at them politely.

“Sorry guys –I have a guest today,” she explains, though she still motions them inside. “Grab a snack and off you go.”

They huff and puff but grab whatever they need from a drawer at the front of the room, then leave with a flurry of goodbyes and thank you’s. Bob watches them for a moment before taking a seat at a desk. She leaves the door open –if anything because she doesn’t need anyone assuming the worst (and the kids will). Then she grabs her lunch from the mini fridge in the corner, setting it on a desk in front of him and turning it around.

“I haven’t sat in one of these in a long time,” he chuckles, taking out his very neatly organized meal. It makes her thrown together lunch look kind of sad, honestly. “I can’t imagine sitting here every day again.”

“They hate them, but I’m hoping I get some grant money to get something better next year.”

“It’s a shame you have to get grants just to have decent things in the classroom.”

“Well, all that military spending does make a dent in the education fund,” she teases, and she’s grinning at him playfully as she does it.

“Ouch,” he puts his hand over his heart, wincing some at the jab. “I don’t know what to say outside of I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” she reassures him, taking out her phone and opening her notes app. “Okay, you ready to hear some of the feral things high schoolers say when they’re way too comfortable with you?”

“I don’t know,” he laughs, leaning back in the seat. “It can’t be that bad, right?”

She gives him a look of warning, then scrolls down…and down…and down…

“That is…a long list,” he comments, peering over the top of her phone. He almost sounds concerned.

“Oh, it is,” she promises, then stops to find her favorite so far. “‘Laws are temporary but friends are forever.’”

Bob chuckles through a bite of his sandwich. “That’s not so bad.”

She puts her finger up. “‘His parents are getting divorced. I hope neither of them want him.’”

“Oh my god.”

“‘I’m going to be a legal pot dealer after college.’”

“What does that even mean?”

“He wants to be a pharmacist,” she explains with a laugh. “I’m just happy he isn’t dropping out.”

“Okay, that’s fair,” he concedes, motioning for her to continue.

“‘I learned the other day that my dad looks up goth girl ASMR online.’”

She pauses and looks at Bob, who's trying not to choke on his sandwich. Setting her phone down, she leans back and opens up her bag of grapes with a laugh. For a few minutes, that’s it —they’re eating and laughing. When they stop laughing, she reads another and they laugh again. This goes on for most of the lunch period, up until her alarm goes off to warn her she has three minutes before the bell rings. 

“Oh shit,” she says, quickly packing up her things. “I have to actually teach now. I didn’t realize what time it was —,”

Bob quickly stands and packs his own stuff up, then flips the desk around with ease for her. She stares for a moment, watching how his arms flex as he lifts the desk without issue. Oh dear. 

“I don’t want to be too forward,” he says as students are trying to trickle in. He quickly shuts the door, looking down at her. “But I…I would really like to take you out on a date, if you’d let me.”

Kids are peering through the little window, knocking on the door. She waves them off a bit, looking up at him with a soft smile. 

“I would really like that.”

He nods, opening the door now. Kids are pushing through to get settled in, but he’s awkwardly standing in the doorway with a boyish grin and a blush. She pushes him gently out the door, but follows him out as she waits at the door for stragglers. 

“I’ll text you after school.”

“I look forward to it.”

She waves him off, smiling dreamily as she watches him walk off. He turns and walks backwards for a moment, waving at her before finally disappearing out the hallway doors. 

When she shuts the door and returns to her classroom, her students are staring at her with wide eyes. 

And then the chaos ensues.

[acid-ixx]

okay so long rant ahead.

it's almost 4am over here, and i'll delete this post once i wake up, but i just wanna rant about how 90% of the time i do really end up regretting writing again &. again truthfully and how most of the time i considered dropping it, deleting my account or just privatizing all my works but ik the last option is impossible since people have already archived my account in archive dot org without me knowing </3

this is for so many reasons i can't list out in just one post but here i am wanting to voice out my thoughts.

yes, neglected reader tropes have now become a staple in the yan batfam tag, and i'm my own greatest hater so i tend to compare my own fanfic to everything, only to realize how basic as fuck my concept is and how the reader sometimes falls short in uniqueness and how often my own writing gets glazed when in fact, every time i read my own fic, i end up nitpicking every single detail and hating it more and more it's like a neverending cycle of wanting to rework it.

then i see my own fanfic being tagged by multiple authors as their own inspiration, but i get ashamed more so than proud because i end up reading better composed prose's, better plots and overall i just wonder if my own fanfic is actually someone's favorite since??? for me personally i just don't like 3/4's of whatever i write. i can handle reading through a loving family, but i can't go off a second reading my main series without cringing so hard to the point i just want to delete it and i almost did multiple times LMAO.

again &. again is not as grand as most, it's something i put myself down over with how watered down the neglected reader trope feels nowadays with my own writing. and a lot of my descriptions are either too wordy, or too simple or idk it's never enough when it comes to my expectations. i love angst, but i can never truly capture whatever emotions i want to show off in the fic.

so where does that take me? i become way more weary the more i post new content about it. ik people are fond of it for reasons i can't understand. sometimes, i become interested over again &. again's plot, i want to expand upon it whenever i have time to. most of the time, i end up despising it for so many other reasons not written in this rant. all the time, i just wish i've never written about it in the first place since i've been so burdened over wanting to meet people's expectations, wanting an awe factor that i end up losing the original intentions of why i've written this fanfic in the first place.

hence why i often tend to go on long hiatuses to find purpose in even writing; it's my passion, not my job but sometimes it feels like it is. sometimes i also feel underappreciated with my own content, especially with the old hate comments thrown my way, even if i tell myself not to bother with it.

people look up to me, and that praise feels undeserved especially with the amount of overwhelming comments. everyone around me is so wonderful at writing for the yandere batfam x neglected reader trope but ooh god, i feel so isolated myself with the community being so tight-knit truth be told. so many things are happening at once, and so many fanfics are being produced that people speak of, that i myself don't know except for how great everyone else is.

it doesn't help the fact that one of my favorite authors has blocked me (i don't know why, we don't talk at all and we aren't mutuals but i won't question it) and they're the main source of inspiration for some plot points in my story but what can i do? it's their boundaries and i respect that.

this rant doesn't make sense, ik it doesn't, but i need to get this off my system for a long time now. don't mine me i'm just my biggest hater y'all goodnight </3

[rensficreblogs]

Harumasa Asaba x gn! Reader. Reader is a newly hired assistant for Section Six.

A/N: Back at it again- I guess writing is more fun than I thought it would be.

On your first day working as an assistant to Section Six, you simply tried to observe what made the four core members tick. Soukaku was easy enough to figure out- she was extremely food and praise motivated. Captain Myabi seemed to be driven by a strong sense of justice and duty. Yanagi was a bit difficult to figure out, but you ultimately put together that she was the glue that kept Section Six running. 

Try as you might, you simply could not find the reason behind why Harumasa worked like he did. Well, maybe you should say why he didn’t work like he did. Most of his time at the office was spent daydreaming, napping, and chatting up anyone who would listen about anything other than the work in front of him. You were apparently one of his favorite victims for the ladder. 

“What’s your favorite place to get dinner?” He asked out of the blue when you walked past him with a fresh stack of copies hot off the printer. Your first day, and you were already being put to work running typical office errands, trying to help out in any way you could. 

“Um…” you thought for a moment, stopping adjacent to his messy desk “I guess waterfall soup? I haven’t really been able to get out to try much else,” you answered, just to give him an answer.

“Ah, the noodles there are super good. A friend of mine introduced me to them a couple of months ago,” he said with a smile. 

The very next day, he caught you in the hallway, refilling your water.

“Hey, what do you do when you aren’t working?” Harumasa asked like you two weren’t practically strangers.

Lifting your finger from the button to dispense water, you looked over at him, “Well, besides sleeping and eating and stuff, sometimes I play games or watch movies-“

“You like movies?” He interrupted, “What kind?”

Truly a man of a million questions, this one. Before you could give an answer, Yanagi seemed to appear from thin air, ready to whisk you away.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she began in her ever calm and cool voice, “but could you come help me with these papers for a moment?” 

You quickly turned to face her, not wanting to disappoint your superior so early in your employment.

“Right, of course,” you began to walk away, freshly filled water bottle in hand, but not before turning to the man leaning against the water cooler. “Sorry, we can talk later, ok?” 

By the look on his face, he seemed slightly disappointed, but he still replied with a quiet “yeah, sure…”

The next few days on the job were much of the same- running around, taking care of whatever you were asked to, and, of course, more seemingly endless and random questions from Harumasa.

On Friday, he approached you at your desk just as you were finishing up your lunch.

“Hey there, are you doing anything after work today?” He inquired as he placed both hands against the desktop and leaned forward towards where you sat.

You thought for a moment- the only thing you could come up with is that you needed to do laundry.

“No, I should be free, why?”

“The other day, you said you liked movies, and I just so happen to know some people who own a great video store down on Sixth Street. You in?” He asked, looking down at you with those bright gold eyes. 

Perhaps it was out of fear of disappointing your coworkers, maybe it was genuine curiosity, but you nodded.

“Sure, sounds good. I’ll meet you at your desk after I clock out,” you replied with a small smile.

He clapped his hands together “Great, see you then!” He exclaimed. Then, off he skipped back to another part of the office. 

For the rest of the day, you found it hard to focus on work. Thankfully, you didn’t make any big slip-ups that could get you reprimanded. Eventually, you made it to the end of the workday.

You couldn’t tell if it was anxiety or excitement you were feeling at the idea of being invited to go somewhere by a coworker. On one hand, this had never happened before- on the other hand, this had never happened before. 

Your feet seemed to move on autopilot as you fell more and more into your own thoughts. Soon, you found yourself standing in front of his desk, just as promised. It seemed that he had just woken up from one of his naps just moments before, if his big yawn and stretch were anything to go by.

“You ready?” He asked sleepily. You nodded and he stood up with a smile, beginning to place some of his personal belongings in his bag.

He chatted at you pretty much the entire journey- all the way from the office, to the train, and to Sixth Street before he went quiet for a moment.

“Here we are- Random Play! Best video store around,” he leaned closer to you with a smirk “And trust me, I know all the best places.”

With that, he led the way to the front door, opening it for you and everything.

“Welcome in- oh, hey Harumasa, long time no see!” The grey haired man behind the counter greeted. “And who’s this with you today?” He asked.

Harumasa chuckled a bit, closing the door behind you both. “Ah, this is (y/n), section six’s new assistant. (Y/n), this is Wise, he and his sister run this joint,” he said, gesturing to the man you now knew as Wise.

“Nice to meet you,” he said with a small smile and wave.

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” you returned the greeting.

“Now,” Harumasa interjects, “pick out anything you like, it’s on me. Think of it as a little welcome to the group gift, yeah?”

Not wanting to be rude, you thanked him before moving to peruse the selection of videos on display while Harumasa sauntered over to the front to chat with Wise. 

As you picked up a tape- seemingly an action film from a few years ago- a girl with a box full of videos slid up next to you.

“Don’t feel too bad or like you’re taking advantage. When he says ‘it’s on me’, he means with his discount,” she giggles. This must be Wise’s sister- they had the same eyes. “I’m Belle by the way,” she says with a smile.

Just then, you felt an arm lay across your shoulders. “Find anything good?” Harumasa asked. Based on what you had observed at work, he was a rather touchy person, always giving out hugs and putting his hand on people’s shoulders. 

You tried to just ignore his affection. “This one looks interesting,” you held up the brightly packaged tape for him to see.

“Oh, I love this one,” he said, with a bright smile.

“It’s one of our favorites, too!” Belle chimed in.

“Well, in that case,” Harumasa began, “guess we’ll have to get this one,”

Suddenly, the tape is snatched out of your hand and out of your reach.

“Oh no, guess I have it now,” he taunted, skipping to the front desk and passing Wise a few dennies.

“Guess if you want to watch it, you’ll have to come over to my place this weekend,” he smiled.

As those words left his mouth, you felt your face start to flush. Belle and Wise giggled slightly at your expense while Harumasa simply shrugged with a coy smirk in your direction. It would seem this was all a part of his master plan.

[911coded]

I Can Go Anywhere I Want, Just Not Home. Where Is Home?

I don’t usually write after episode one shots, but I was inspired by this post and helped by @bidisasterevankinard when I couldn’t remember if Buck and Bosko had even spoken to each other. Also, I’ve never written drunk dialogue before and ended up modeling it after myself. I will slur one sentence, forget words, make up new ones, then speak the next sentence in full English. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The next night after shift, he pulls over into an empty parking lot before the turn to his house and sits in it, this feeling. Forget having trouble sleeping there, he doesn’t even want to be there. Will Eddie and Chris be waiting? In the moment, seeing Chris again for the first time in a year, he was able to push aside this feeling. But it’s curdling in his stomach like that time he accidentally drank spoiled milk and he’s afraid he will vomit up all the pain and anger he’s been trying to carry. The anger is new, must be at the next stage, or might just be Eddie’s fault. That’s it, he’s finding someplace to sit and have a drink, he can uber “home” when he can go straight to bed.

The badge and ladder bar only a few minutes from his house wasn’t full, but enough people were milling around inside to get lost in the crowd. Buck thought he recognised the handful of firefighters surrounding the pool tables, but only from scenes, not anyone he knew personally. A couple of minutes after sitting at the bar and scanning the crowd, the bartender made her way over to him. He handed over a card to start a tab, ordered a beer to sip, and a hand full a shots to get started. After he tossed the first one back, he looked the bartender in the eyes. “This is a terrible idea, but I’m about to make this all about me. I’ve had a shit few weeks, my captain died, and I’ve spent so much time trying to keep my team together, this is the first time I’ve had a chance to be still without a list to work from. This is either going to make me feel better, or a whole lot worse. If I start crying to the point of embarrassing, please call my ICE contact, but no one else, even if he doesn’t answer. He’ll answer, though, he always does,” he explained. The bartender stared back at him, silent and stoic, but nodded at him seriously. He nodded back and picked up the next shot.

After the fourth shot, “ICE. Fuck ICE. We should come up with a new name for your emergency contact, workshop it, spread the word.” The bartender tilted her head in question with a quirked eyebrow. “Hmmm, bet I can make it go viral. I have-I have a lot of instagram followers. Bobby would like that. We didn’t talk about it, and I don’t think I ever heard him curse but Bobby would say it too, cause fuck ICE.” Buck waved a hand emphatically and the bartender grabbed a glass before he could send it crashing to the floor.

The bartender was good. She kept the shots coming but made sure he paced himself and occasionally placed a glass of water in front of him with a blank stare until he drank it. “He was a good guy, but he was wrong, they don’t need me. Not now. But maybe I need them? Maybe that’s what he meant? It hurts to need people, though. Hurts when they shut you out, when they leave,” Buck continued with a sniff. Someone settled in the stool next to him and flagged down the bartender who had taken a moment to serve some young women at the end of the bar.

“Buckley? Hey man, you’re crying.” Buck turned to the voice and squinted at the woman sitting next to him. He knows her. Maybe? Oh.

“Bosko? Oh.” Buck touches his face and he can feel the wetness there even if he hadn’t noticed that the crying had begun. “Must not be too embarrassing yet since the bartender hasn’t called my ICE. Fuck ICE, we need to work on that.”

Bosko snorts in amused bemusement. “Yeah, fuck ICE. What are you doing here alone, Buckley? Where’s the rest of your crew?” she asked. She settles into the barstool and turns to face him.

“Don’t know, they aren’t really talking to me right now. I’m sad wrong? Or too concerned about if they are sad? Not sure yet. Eddie is at my place and he is talking too much. Ashhole. Sad wrong for him, too. Make everything about me, selfish. Captain Dad dies but not about me. Said-said I dn’t do enough, could do better. Got in my face, no sorries, just more mean. You were there, you saw. Once is an incident, twice is a-a coinkydink, three times is a pattern; I shouldn’t have to be afraid that my friend is going to hit my face in my own-my own cooking room. Did that once, 0/10 stars, would not recommend. At least he said sorry, made effort to make up. Am I still crying?” Buck asked, trying to make sense but pretty sure he was failing, nothing new there. Bosko had a fierce frown, not scrunchy like Tommy’s.

“Did dickhead Diaz hit you? Is that why you’re in here mourning your captain alone instead of with your crew? Do they know?” she asked, looking around to be sure she didn’t see any firefighters from the 118.

“No, that was Chim, brother. Long time ago, said sorry. Meant it. We’re good. Chim angry at Bobby for dying but not mad at me. Eddie mad at me. Dickhead Diaz, good one,” Buck replied with a giggle.

“I worked with that asshole for months, he didn’t know anything about me but somehow thought we were good friends. He told me all about you, his family, and his kid, but not once did he ask me about mine. Friendship is a one way street for that guy, and if you don’t stay in that perfectly shaped box he put you in, he gets frustrated and angry. He’s a dickhead, I told him we were not friends and walked away, haven’t heard from him since,” she shared.

“No, wouldn’t, didn’t need you anymore. Had me back. Sad. No, stupid. We should start a club. Edmundo Diaz sucky friend club. We need more members. Oh Josh! And Tommy! Was jealous of Eddie taking attention of hot pilot….with a cleft. Edmundo stopped talking to Tommy too! Said it was about me, but thas dumb. Dumb. Am I embarrassin’ yet? Time to call Tommy come get me?” Buck asked with a flutter of his lashes.

“Buckley. Dickhead Diaz doesn’t know how to have conversations that aren’t about him. And he has really good aim, so every fight is an opportunity to cause the most damage. Don’t let him do that to you, man, nobody deserves that, okay?” Bosko insisted.

“Ok. Don’t deserve damage. I’ll be okay. Bobby loved me. Two outta three works, I guess.”

Bosko sighs with a sad shake of her head and flags down the bartender. “Did he give you his phone? I’m pretty sure it’s time to call his ride,” Bosko said. When she turns back to check on him, Buck has folded his arms on the vaguely sticky bartop and is using them for a pillow, blinking slowly at her like a cat. The bartender shakes her head and when Buck actually hears her speak, it’s almost enough to get him to sit up again.

“It’s in his shirt pocket. I’ll close out his tab.” With that, Buck and Bosko are alone again.

“I think you’ve hit the embarrassing stage now, bud, how about I call your ICE?” Bosko asks, as gently as he had ever heard her speak.

“Fuck ICE,” Buck mumbled, blinks getting further and further apart, but he reached into his pocket and handed her his phone so she wouldn’t have to fish for it. His attention wandered and he vaguely heard Bosko’s side of the conversation enough to know that Tommy answered. “Yay!” he exclaimed softly, and raised an arm to fist pump that weakly thumped back to the bar top.

The bartender came back with a receipt, his card, and another glass of water. “Sign. Then drink. Thank you,” she demanded, then gave one more nod now that she had imparted her instructions and wandered away to do bartender things.

After he gulped down half the glass of water and signed a somewhat legible signature, he turned to look at Bosko. “I think she might be the strangest yet most interesting bartender I’ve ever met and I’ve been a bartender. A lot.” Bosko rolled her eyes but nodded anyway to concede his point. It may have been moments or hours when Buck felt a familiar warm hand rest on his lower back and the tension Buck had been carrying around for weeks seemed to seep out of his pores. Tommy. That’s what he had needed this whole time. Dumb. Should have known.

“Evan. Are you okay?” Tommy asked, forehead scrunched up in concern.

Buck twisted up into a mostly sitting position and beamed at Tommy which seemed to shock him into silence, if the wide eyes blinking at him were any indication. Bosko snorted and rolled her eyes at him again.

“He’s fine Kinard. He had a deal with the bartender to call you if the crying became embarrassing,” Bosko answered for Buck who was still beaming up at Tommy dreamingly.

Buck pointed at Bosko. “Yes! I’m sad and making it about me, but that’s ok. It’s my turn and it helped. I think. And Bosko’s here! We didn’t talk when she was my replacement but I think I like her and the bartender is really interesting,” he informed the still bemused Tommy.

“And hot,” Bosko pointed out with a smirk at Buck who had given up on sitting straight and was slumped against Tommy.

Buck’s forehead creased with an offended pout. “Well, yeah, but interesting. More important. Don’t obje-objec….that word. More than pretty. INTERESTING. But I’m done now. Tommy, I’m tired, take me home? Not with Eddie. Don’t-don’t want to see him. Dickhead,” he pleaded as he increased the pout by a factor of ten and fluttered his eyelashes in Tommy’s direction.

Bosko snorts out another laugh and holds out a hand to shake. “Buckley, take care of yourself. I’m sorry about your Captain Dad, he was a good man. Call me some time to hang out, you are a fun drunk. Kinard,” she said and with a friendly nod, went back to her friends at the pool tables.

Buck turns back to Tommy and looks up at him with the look that he knows turns him to mush. “Thank you for coming to get me, Tommy. You always come when I call, you’re the best. Take me home and tuck me in? I always sleep better with you and I’m so tired,” he pleaded.

Tommy sighs with a small smile and hauls Buck out of the barstool and on to his feet. “Come on, sweetheart. I’ll take you home and you can tell me more about Dickhead Diaz in the morning. I’m glad you called me,” he assures Buck and guides him out the door to his truck to go home.

[bihexualandferal]

man, it sucks when you find a new artist/blog that you really like and then you find out who they really are when they post stuff like this. sad :(

Y’know Persimmon, I have family living in a wartorn country too (Venezuela) that nobody seems to know of/care about, and you don’t see me yelling and swearing at people about it. People don’t make those posts about caring for yourself despite horrible things happening around the globe because they’re apathetic to the plight of others. It’s not about racism, either. Idk why you’re choosing to make this into an issue about race when that has nothing to do with it. Plenty of people still post about Palestine all the time. Plenty of people in this site are POC and have families in or around the war zone who are suffering, just like you and your family. Even others who are white (or at least not Middle Eastern) and have no stake in this issue still care, like I do, because nobody should have to suffer the way Palestinians are suffering right now. I promise people of all kinds care, even if it doesn’t seem like it.

The real issue here is: it’s simply impossible to care about every single bad thing going on around the globe all the time. Ever heard of empathy fatigue? Even reading all the horrible headlines without looking at harrowing footage takes a toll on people’s mental health. If you can’t do much to change the outcome, forcing yourself to keep up with all the bad things in the world is exhausting and unhelpful/useless.

It also has to do with how much direct action people can take to fix the issue. A lot of people on this site live in the UK, so they are able to enact some change by voting and such. But not many people here have the power to change what is happening in Palestine except by donating or spreading the word (and a lot of us are too poor to donate). If we could fix it, we would. But that isn’t possible. So all we can do is take care of ourselves as we try to help in whatever small way we can. And it isn’t a bad thing to be a bit “selfish” and focus on caring for your own mental health before anything else. I think you could use a bit more of that self-care yourself tbh.

The point is, you’re attacking the wrong enemy. Obviously, racism exists online and offline, and it is easier for people to care about things that directly impact/relate to them, I won’t deny that. But those people making “take care of yourself” posts in regards to not doom scrolling on certain global issues are not being racist. That’s absurd. Other people care about the issues and people suffering from them that you care about, regardless of their race, even if you can’t see it.

I understand why you’re upset. I would be too if I were you. And again, I understand your and your family’s struggle. I have family in Venezuela who are starving and living in constantly fear under Maduro’s regime. They often do not have access to basic food, water, electricity, and medicine. They are afraid to walk to school or work for fear of being killed in the streets and people looting the clothes and groceries off their bodies. They are afraid to say anything negative about the government, because they could be listening and reading their calls and messages, and if they are caught, they would be kidnapped and tortured to death. And my mother and I cannot even save them because we live in the USA, and under our current hostile and xenophobic administration, they will likely be sent off to a concentration camp in El Salvador if they try to immigrate here.

I never see any posts raising awareness or charity money for Venezuelans. And of course that makes me sad and angry. But this is based on a lack of information and not necessarily racism. I know if others knew about this problem, they would care. And so I talk to them about it, honestly, factually, and without judgement. And I also understand people’s need to back away from the issues for a little bit and care for their own mental health. Whereas making condescending posts and lashing out at people who also have valid points (even if they misunderstood the meaning of your post) is not helping anyone nor accomplishing anything. It just makes you look like an asshole. I hope you reflect on this and act appropriately in the future, because this kind of behavior is very disheartening to see. I truly admire your artwork and have empathy for you and your family’s struggles (immediate and extended).

Wow it's crazy that no one is making any cloying "you deserve to not give a shit about the world ♡ take care of yourself ♡ you deserve to be happy ♡" selfish posts about the callous treatment trans people are receiving in the UK, it's almost like apathy is a doom reserved only for the people being genocided in the global south! Yes both things are bad yes it's obvious that many many white liberals are also white queer people who are often racially and culturally biased and do not have reserves of compassion for oppression they personally cannot identify with! "Me! Me Me me me me!!!!!!"! That's all I hear so often.

This isn't about my trans siblings in the UK, they have my heart, my soul. This is about the people who are selective in who they choose to ally with ^-^

[witchygagirlwrites]

How Dare You-Part 7

Jay Halstead x Reader (nicknamed Deuce/ surname of Barlowe. No first name used)

When faced with his sins Jay makes a decision to stay and try to do something about them

Warnings: Talks of suicidal ideation, covering up crimes, disposing of bodies, killing people, I think thats it?

On day three of leave Jay found himself standing in front of the building your team used as an base of operations. It didn’t look like a fed building from the outside by far but then again that was the idea, wasn’t it? Your team was made to cross borders, work with different countries and do so seamlessly. 

Yet another thing he could add to the list that he had never appreciated properly about you, just how fucking amazing you were at your job. This was a bad idea, this could result in you punching Nolan again for giving him the address but he wanted to meet the rest of your team, the people who were there for you like he should have been.

 He wanted to talk to you, needed to say some things and knew you would be more likely to hear him out if you had home field advantage. He did still know you pretty well after all. Nolan also told him where the cameras were and where to stand when he knocked to keep from putting all of you on high alert because even though the squad had three days off your team had only taken two.

He knocked and a few minutes later a woman with dark blonde hair and dark blue eyes who was around yours and Samantha’s height opened the door, looked over his face and grinned “Damn, my husband and Deucey really did a number on you. Can I introduce myself here or should I just add to it from the start?” 

“Easy baby, I think he may be attempting to learn” he heard Travis’s voice right before the other man came into view, slipping his arm around the woman’s waist “Halstead, this is my wife Valarie” Jay nodded “Nice to meet you” she smirked at him “Don’t ever accuse Deuce and Travis again. Got me?” “Got it” she nodded then stepped back and waved him in “Well come on, she's in her office but we’ll introduce you to Roxie and Sirius”

He followed Valarie and Travis further into the building. Samantha looked up from a stack of paperwork on her desk “Look what the damn cat dragged in, how did you even find us? Not like we’re in the yellow pages” “I um i asked Nolan” he offered and Marcel shook his head “That fucking traitor”

Jay was starting to think this was the wrong move but then Marcel grinned at him “Why ya here anyways? Got bored on base?” He shrugged “Figured I’d check out the area”

Another man walked in with short black hair and bright blue eyes. He looked from Travis to Marcel then pointed at Jay “Isn’t that..” Samantha waved her hand between them “Sirius Grayson, Jay Halstead”  Jay shook his hand “Nice to meet you” Sirius raised an eyebrow “I’d say same but I know how you’ve treated our boss so I’ll hold the same until I see” 

Jay nodded “Fair enough” the last person to notice Jay was a woman taller than you, damn near his height. She had bright, fiery red hair and amber eyes. Tattoos on her arms that peeked out from under her sleeve had him curious where you even pulled this team from “Roxie Macloud” she told him with a nod.

“Heard a lot about you” he told her and she smiled “I’m sure you have. We’re the ones keeping eyes on all of you when you’re in the field” 

———————————

You’d heard the front alarm but knew the team would summon you if it was something you were needed for. You were trying to catch up on everything still. Samantha and Sirius had jumped in to help too. Give or take another hour or so of work and you should be up to date.

When you heard a lot of chattering coming from the main floor you finally stood and walked to the door about the time you heard Roxie say “We’re the ones keeping eyes on all of you when you’re in the field”  you stepped out and laughed “No one likes a bragger Rox”

Jay turned to face you and shrugged “I mean your team has kind of earned their bragging rights in my opinion” you tried to ignore the fact that this was the first time you’d seen him in civilian clothes since that night way back. Jeans and a black shirt. His dog tag chain peeking out from under it. You also tried to ignore how he looked at you like he was seeing you for the first time, maybe it was a bad idea being completely honest with him. 

You didn’t want to think too hard about all the time you would have done just about anything to have him look at you like that, funny how things change.

You smirked at his words “So, we’re going off what your opinion means now?” “And Deuce comes out swinging” Sirius laughed from his desk and you winked at him before looking back at Jay “Why are you here anyways? It’s your last day of leave. You should be enjoying it”

“Offering to buy your team lunch?” He spoke and you crossed your arms, nodding slowly “Are you realizing just how much food Sirius and Rox intakes on their own? They both have overactive metabolisms”  he shrugged “Not like my checks have been doing anything but sitting for the most part” you looked around “Y’all want to let Halstead buy lunch?”  

“Hell yeah” “Hit his pockets” “Why not” came a few responses so you shrugged “Ok then, guess you’re buying us lunch”

Everyone was spread throughout the main floor of the building. You sat on the floor next to Valarie, both of you cross legged eating. Jay sat a little ways away, leaned against the wall and couldn’t help but smile at the fact that this was one of the best fed teams he’d ever seen and here you were lounging on the floor, desks and Samantha was currently flipped upside down on one of the office chairs spinning slowly.

He didn’t deserve to be let in the front door. No wonder they were so damn protective of you. You’d made a family here. 

He felt something hit his side and looked down to see it was a plastic fork and Travis was the one that had rocketed it into him “I know you didn’t come here just to feed us and see my pretty face so what’s really up Halstead?” He cut his eyes at you to see he now had your attention as well “I wanted to talk to you and knew you would be more likely to if you had home field advantage, your team at your back”

You nodded and handed Val your empty container when she stood to throw hers away “Ok, it’s just me, you and Trav at the moment. Talk”

Your eyes were locked onto his and he found himself forgetting what it was he wanted to say. Even as hard as your eyes were when you looked at him now, they were still the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen. 

Why had he not been able to see what was right in front of him back when you were still his? Before all this, hell why had he allowed himself to treat you the way he had? He’d allowed himself to play the victim when you were still healing and taking care of your team the best you could.

He let out a breath, rubbing the back of his neck as he said “I’m not asking for another chance, I’m not that much of an idiot, hell I don’t deserve one. I’m just telling you that I’m going to follow you. Wherever this takes you to bring them down, I’m following. I took the extension. I’m staying as long as your team is on this then I’ll see where I end up” 

——————————

What the hell were you supposed to say to that? Your ex boyfriend, the man you’d loved for years and who’d put your heart through the shredder time and again swearing to follow you for however long it took to bring down Los Guerreros del Illimani. 

Where were those types of vows when you were with him? Where was the loyalty when he landed here and treated you the way he had? As if he hadn’t been in the wrong, as if your heart hadn’t been the one shredded over and over by loving him.

 “I don’t know what you want me to say to that Jay, hell I still don’t even know why you resigned from CPD. From what I gather you were on the track to take over intelligence. Why did you walk away from that?”

“I got in deep” he whispered so you raised an eyebrow “How deep?” He dropped his hands to his lap, eyes trailing over the scars on his knuckles. You called his name lightly and he looked up “How deep?” You repeated

He held your eyes for a moment, neither of you turning away from each other before he gave the slightest of nods then started in, telling you everything from cover ups to dumping bodies to how not even three days after everything happened between you and him that he stabbed a man to death in self defense and that resulted in yet another cover up.  “Well in Voight’s defense I would have made the same call for any of my team. It was you or him, Jay. You fought for your life. You weren’t in the wrong” 

He nodded slowly “I get that but it’s just…I got told how good of a job I did on the case….I was in the unit with my ex wife….I found myself keeping going back to that bar I saw you in.. I don’t know what I was looking for…I knew you were gone…i think I probably would’ve eaten a bullet if I had stayed in Chicago” “Been there” you laughed lightly and Travis growled “I’ll get Valarie” and you held both hands up “Joking! Joking!”

Jay smiled slightly at you and Travis teasing each other. It was good to see, nice to know that at least someone always had your back. Nice to know someone was there for you when he broke your heart, when life broke your heart. 

“I don’t want to intrude on the life you’ve built. I just want to help you, I want to be able to keep just a tiny bit of pain off of you for once instead of being the cause of it. I’m finally facing how much wrong I’ve done to you. I can’t ever make up for that but this? This I can do. I can stay. I can fight at your side or behind you, in front of you..wherever you tell me to be. I’m following your lead here SSA Barlowe”

You swallowed hard, cutting your eyes at Travis who gave you the smallest nod. “Either use my name or Deuce, Jay. No SSA Barlowe unless we’re in debriefings. Got it?” he nodded “Yes ma’am” you shook your head “And I swear if you keep incessantly yes ma’aming me, I may hit you again and not apologize for it this time”

He grinned that time, a shadow of one that once made your heart threaten to leap out of your chest but now made an ache blossom instead. “Sorry, habit” you nodded “Ok, then we’re at an understanding. We’ll be on the same team. For real from now on” and held your hand out. Jay slipped his hand into yours and shook it “Deal”

______________________

When Jay started to head back to base you offered to drive him but he shook his head “I’ll just take a cab” “If it’s me, I can get one of the fellas to take you” you offered and he shook his head “Not you, just don’t want to intrude on anyone”  you nodded slowly and he almost took it back just because you had offered. 

He just didn’t want you to feel like you owed him anything because that couldn’t be further from the truth. He started to walk out the door but when you spoke his name softly he froze. “Yeah?”

“Why did you marry her?” he swallowed hard, turning to face you before he said “I don’t know, I was alone and drowning. I keep hurting everyone..turns out that’s what I do best. I guess a part of me thought maybe if I put that big of a step towards moving on I would forget you” “Did it work?” you asked with a tiny smirk tugging at your lips. Just that smallest of gesture from you felt wrong, he didn’t deserve any niceties from you and yet here you were proving yet again just how strong you were. He shook his head “No, I should’ve known better. Took someone knocking sense into me. Now I just am left to try to piece together what’s left of my life and try not to hurt anyone else”

You nodded slowly, did a part of you hope he’d say it worked? That for a while he forgot you? That he stopped loving you? That he truly was head over heels with her at one point and the night with you was just him having a couple drinks and a bad time? Maybe.

It would hurt less than to think a fraction of him could love you and hurt you the way he had. You stared down on your hands, playing with the small silver ring that adorned your right hand. The only jewelry you wore and it was simply because the other women on your team wore one similar because Roxie had bought them the first Christmas you all realized you would be spending together.

You slowly raised your eyes to his and realized his had been glued to you. At one time you could read him well enough to damn near know what he was thinking but now? You were clueless.

You had to make sure he knew though that him coming to your office, spending time with your team, taking an extension that didn’t even have an end date? It didn’t change anything. “You do know, me accepting you staying and me being willing to work with you doesn’t mean anything. Right? Years of hurt, years of me begging you to love me the way I needed, it doesn’t change because you got a reality check” he nodded “I know, I don’t expect it to. You deserve someone who is a lot better of a man than me. I just want to help you and maybe just maybe one day I can be your friend again” 

“Jay you’re a good man when you let yourself be” it was the truth, he had it in him to be a good man. At his core he was.  The smallest of smiles slipped onto his face “Too bad I figured that out too late huh? See you at the base?” you nodded “See you at the base”

The next day you walked into the conference room to meet with the squad as to the next mission. Davidson stood at the front of the room with Jay “Morning everyone” you greeted as you walked in, Travis, Samantha and Marcel following you.

You looked around “I hope everyone enjoyed their leave. We have new targets and we’ll be traveling this time” they all nodded then Franklin raised her hand “Yeah?” you acknowledged and she ran a hand down Rex’s back “I just wanted to make you aware of the fact that Rex and I will be staying on for six more months” 

“You took an extension?” you asked and she nodded “Yes ma’am” you cut your eyes at Jay and knew from the look he gave you that he honestly didn’t know. “Did anyone else already make a decision?” you asked and one by one, the entire squad confirmed they had all taken extensions. Some were for six months, some ten, some a year and some had chosen just to stay on as long as they were needed.

“We could’ve gotten another team” you said and Davidson shrugged “We’re backing you. We’re taking dangers off the streets, we’re saving lives before they’re even endangered. Plus, you’re not one of those Agents that get a title and people are confused how you got it. You put in the work. You hit the field with us, you took a bullet for Franklin” “In the vest” you corrected and she laughed “Nonetheless!”

You shook your head “I don’t know what to say here. I’ll do my best to protect all of you and get you home at the end of your contracts. I’m honored you chose to stay on and I promise I will do everything in my power to not let you down. Let’s kick some ass” they all laughed as you went into the briefing on the most recent findings.

@allisonargent144

@nevaehstreater18

@elvenpirate51

@alterna123

@leavemealoneplsandthx

[mintyys-blog]

omg pls some cutesy fluff in which reader is feeling jealous and insecure because of eve🙏 I BEG

FRIEND NOT FOE | mark grayson x reader

INVINCIBLE MASTERLIST | WARNINGS: jealously

You didn’t want to be that person. The insecure one. The jealous one. The one who stood on the sidelines and silently seethed while their crush laughed with someone else.

But here you were—arms crossed tight, stomach twisting into knots—watching Mark and Eve hover a few feet above the training field, throwing banter and grins like confetti. You couldn’t hear what they were saying, but you didn’t need to. The way he smiled at her, eyes crinkled, shoulders relaxed—that told you enough.

They looked good together.

You hated how much that hurt.

“Focus,” you muttered under your breath, kicking at a loose pebble near your foot. “It’s not like they’re making out. They’re just friends. Friends. That’s it.”

But the longer you watched, the more that cold little voice in the back of your head whispered: They’ve known each other for years. They fight side-by-side. She’s gorgeous. Confident. Funny. Super smart. Why would he ever pick you?

You tugged your hoodie sleeves down and turned away before the hot prickling in your chest could reach your eyes.

You didn’t notice Eve land behind you.

“Hey,” she said gently.

You stiffened. “Oh. Hey.”

Her expression was unreadable—quiet, observant. “You okay?”

You pasted on the most passable smile you could manage. “Yeah. Just…tired.”

“Long day?”

You nodded quickly, hoping she’d buy it. “Mhm. School. Work. Life. You know.”

She didn’t say anything right away. Then:

“You don’t like me very much, do you?”

Your heart dropped into your shoes. “W-What?”

Eve didn’t sound mad. Just…curious. And maybe a little sad. “I’ve noticed. You kind of flinch when I talk to Mark. Or when I show up. It’s okay if you do. I just—I don’t want you to feel like I’m a threat.”

You stared at her, mouth dry.

She saw it. The panic in your eyes. She stepped closer, softer now. “Is it because of him? Mark?”

Your silence said everything.

And instead of looking smug or smugly sympathetic, Eve just nodded, eyes softening. “I get it. I really do.”

You blinked. “You…do?”

“I used to like him,” she admitted. “Back when we were still figuring things out. He’s sweet. Loyal. Kind of a dork, in a charming way.” She smiled to herself, then looked at you. “But I realized something. He doesn’t look at me the way he looks at you.”

You froze. “Wait, what?”

“You don’t notice?” Eve laughed, short and warm. “The guy’s practically tripping over himself whenever you’re near. He gets all stammery and weird. Like he’s trying to impress you without actually trying to impress you.”

Your head spun. “He does not.”

“He does,” Eve said, laughing again. “Y/N, I promise—you’ve got him wrapped around your finger and you don’t even know it.”

You stared at her, heart beating too fast. “…But you’re you.”

She tilted her head. “Yeah. And you’re you. And that’s exactly what he likes. Probably what you’re missing right now.”

You looked down at your sneakers. “I just… I thought maybe you’d hate me. Or think I was pathetic.”

Eve frowned. “Why would I ever hate you?”

“Because I look at you and see everything I wish I could be.”

Her face shifted—like something clicked for her. And instead of brushing it off or changing the subject, Eve stepped closer and bumped her shoulder gently into yours.

“You know what I see?” she said. “Someone who’s brave enough to show up even when she’s scared. Someone who tries, even when she feels like she’s not enough. That’s not pathetic, Y/N. That’s stronger than people like to admit.”

You blinked. Hard.

Then…you smiled. Just a little.

“…Thanks.”

Eve grinned. “Anytime. And, hey—if you want to ask Mark out…”

You choked. “Oh my god—”

“I can help,” she said, winking. “Seriously. I can cause a distraction. Get Rex to start a fire or something. Give you the perfect opening.”

You laughed, warmth spreading through your chest. “You’re insane.”

“Strategic,” she corrected. “And maybe a little nosy. But also now officially your wingwoman.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and nodded. “Okay. Okay, I’ll do it. Just…not today.”

“Tomorrow?”

“…Maybe.”

“Next week?”

“…Shut up.”

Eve laughed again and looped her arm through yours, tugging you back toward the others. And just like that, you weren’t jealous anymore. You had a new friend. This went better than expected.

[carolingarts]

I'm just gonna expound on my Bob headcanons because...yeah. After my "thoughts on Wanda" thing I have a lot of thoughts and I'm kind of annoyed about some of the ones I've seen so let me just - break this down.

AS A PERSON:

this is a man who is familiar with Gen Z/Alpha internet lingo but he tells no one. So when the "New Avengers" are confronted with anything "Skibidi" or Ohio he plays dumb or mildly says "Well you *don't* have aura maybe?" but refuses to explain what the words mean and he won't - unless Yelena asks (and even then Yelena has kind of an idea.)

He can't cook worth shit but he likes baking tons mostly because following recipes is easy as hell, its on a box, it's brownies (and Yelena just side-eyes him the whole damn time but he laughs and shrugs)

If somebody makes a remark about his whole "problem" he just rolls his eyes and bounces it off him with a joke and if he's having a bad day the jokes get nastier (" Look, I'm crazy. I'm not stupid. There's a difference." "C'mon. Throw me a bone here. My life runs the gamut from normal guy to chicken on meth that'd mess with anybody...? man." "Yeah. Well. I'm gonna go sit in my box and take five minutes.") he always apologizes after. He's working on it.

If he remembers to vote he votes Green party. While his favorite was Captain America growing up, when it heads into the fourth of July he just starts to subtly drop hints about how much America sucks. He doesn't really care but he can quote a lot of facts about the failures of American policy. Red Guardian laugh. Bucky chuckles. John takes it very personally.

He fucking hates, *hates* *haaaates* cops. To the point that "oh you poofed a bunch of cops into the void. "huh. that happened. did they come back? ah. well good for them I guess." The comics don't talk about his family but in this case his dad was a cop in my HC so.

He's really good with numbers because the way he got to where he was was doing numbers for drug cartels (this man has an arrest record) and he is very, very good with taxes. So if he wasn't watching Allegra having seen her memories he threatens to look up her tax numbers. ("Are you threatening to kick my ass?" "No. I'll look at your tax returns")

WITH YELENA.

He tends to go to Yelena first to share triumphs and tribulations about anything he's learned or discovered. This also means she gets to deal with any "Sentry" moments. This varies from dealing with his "hey I did a cool thing" to his delusions of grandeur "It's because I'm fucking amazing and the rest of you fucking suck."

It's because he catches himself around her though, and he does, and he apologizes. To her credit she's set some pretty good boundaries with him and he respects that. They have a 15 minute rule if he's having a bad day or he recognizes he wants to share something mental health related.

He's turned her on to playing Mario Kart and gotten Red Guardian to play with them. he will never admit to either of them that he considers them the closest thing to family because he has no idea what their relationship is he just knows he is happy around him.

He has also turned her on to ASMR because it helps *him* fall asleep. She'll never admit some of it freaks her out but he swears it helps so she just humors him because okay sure watching videos of people pretending to brush your hair works and maybe it kind of does she won't admit it.

WITH ALEXEI

he's getting him to teach him Russian.

Despite having done every drug under the sun, he doesn't drink which confuses the hell out of the Red Guardian but having done quite a few drugs himself (as well as drinking), Alexei is probably his biggest sobriety partner. Sometimes people will find the two of them deep in conversation. If Yelena needs a break she'll send him to Alexei and Alexei will just grab him a little like scruffing a kitten with a "C'mon boy. You're talking to me now."

They go for drives. .

He does Alexei's taxes (or at least he tried. Then he determined he's going to prison because he never filed. so he'd go to prison if he tried to turn them in.)

The two of them talk communism with Alexei trying to convert him to a comrade. Bob doesn't care but he humors him.

WITH AVA

bob took Ava's remarks about "not having a childhood" really seriously so he started sending her cartoon recaps because he's obsessed with youtube. Stuff like Rugrats, Cartoon Network, Pokemon. When she asked him "Why" he lied and said that "It might be helpful in training because reading over what kids like might help with dealing with kids". She told him to stop - until she asked for more stuff about anime like pokemon. Just - stop spamming her email.

She's the one who teaches him meditation. His "bad" days are his and he doesn't show them to anybody but the one time she caught him - a rarity - she's the only person that ever has- she taught him meditation to keep himself grounded. it helps. he's grateful.

Sometimes Bob has a tendency to get annoyed with people who his friends are pissed off at which translated to a passed off hatred of Hank Pym, Scott Lang, and Hope Van Dyne. Ava was watching them on TV and just kind of rolled her eyes at them on TV making a casual remark about "stolen valor" for her father's work and Doctor Foster's. Bob's remark, "Do you want them here? I mean I'll hold them down, Drag um down even and lock them *down there* and you can just. Do what you want. Or I will. It'll be great!" No? Okay no. No I mean...bad idea. Yeah. Sorry sometimes...Just slips out." Sorry.

WITH WALKER

He does make the Gen Z/Gen Alpha lingo jokes at John mostly about not having Aura or Rizz. But he'll point out that he was "made in Ohio" technically and when John asks if he's okay or having an episode Bob will feel bad but he keeps up with the joke so he'll say yeah. It's just too good a joke to not keep going.

The whole reason that Bob has done any kind of training at all is because of John and he's gotten really good at it. He can actually put together a gun together and take it apart and put it together. He just hasn't shared he can do it with his mind *really really fast*.

He doesn't "like" the guy but he'll defend the guy. He doesn't like what he represents and he likes what they do to soldiers even less. When he was dealing, vets were some of his customers so whenever anybody from the government shows up he makes sure to dress extra nice and just sit and stare really really quietly trying to be as creepy as possible.

When they get close to either Bucky or John he doubles up on the staring and when Allegra gets close to either of them he'll just move up and sit even closer staring at her directly tilting his head even more animal like before smiling. Then when people afterwards ask him why he behaves like that he shrugs "I don't care what people think about me. They treat you guys like trained dogs. You're not. I don't give a shit what people think. They don't get to treat you like that."

He's not going to bend the shield back into place ever but he did buy Taco bell tacos and buy a big card that said "Have a smashing birthday" and he crossed that out and wrote "I'm sorry I smashed your shield."

WITH BUCKY

He's put together about Sam and Bucky falling out and he is trying to figure out how to approach the idea that Bucky should break away from Allegra. Or they should strike out on their own. Or maybe just disband. He's not sure how to play things yet.

He just doesn't want them to leave him and he doesn't want to leave them either because he's worried that if they leave then he'll snap and he feels like Bucky gets it but he can't talk to Bucky about that so he just kind of haunts him and tires to engage him in conversation because he's seen what Bucky went through and he knows that he might get it.

"You should get a pet." "What?" "You should get a pet man. I'm not saying everybody I'm saying. You. Like I know you've got this tough guy persona to maintain but you just strike me as a dude who needs like, a pet." "...Maybe you need a pet." "I've got a pet." "...No no! It's not you guys! wait that didn't come out right. Hang on it's um. hang on. It's a virtual pet! See it's a tamagotchi! I feed it, play with it. I had a dog growing up...I'm gonna go now."

Bucky doesn't scare him but the void knows that Yelena has to be the first to die, Bucky has to be the second. Yelena is the barrier preventing it's return to power, Bucky is the one who would organize people to stand against it.

WITH ALLEGRA

Allegra is a huge trigger for him. She avoids looking at him and tries to fake mother him whenever she sees him. It's hard to turn off that need for approval but he likes how people stand beside him.

That turns on that protective sense of "I've got to protect these people these people suck and don't want what's best for everybody otherwise they won't try and divide this whole team thing because something bad is coming."

If I really could control this I should just kill her. - is a regular thought Bob's had and it's the one thing he wishes all three of his personalities could agree on.

He is banned from seeing her but he still shows up anyway. It's gotten to the point where people have taken her aside and said point blank "Look. You need to stop asking to see him." "Why? He's-" "It's for your safety. We don't know what to do with him. And we don't know what he'll do to you. He doesn't like you. At all. He likes us. and he might hurt you."

To which Bob would respond, "No no, I wouldn't do thaaaat- I'd just y'know. Remind her. about her dad."

And he just stares.

"But that's private right?"

and he just spends the rest of the day alone and Allegra leaves.

Anyway those are my headcanons.

[mothinked]

Ellie scuffed a boot against the asphalt as she walked and replied to Abby with more docility than she'd shown before. More passivity, less caution but tentative of their fragile armistice. Offering Abby her full attention. "I'd believe you, if you told me," she said softly, just loud enough for her companions to catch. It was mostly mono-syllabic communication up until this point for the two women while she talked at length to Lev. Answering his questions to the best of her ability, even if they were more of a personal nature.

She was willing to entertain him and patient in showing him things he was unfamiliar with. Teaching was important, to pass on your knowledge and experience was invaluable. It was something she learned after leaving the Boston QZ and settling in Jackson for the first time. She had Joel to thank for learning so much. But also Dina and JJ as well. Meanwhile Tommy was the uncle she never had... Her last connection to Joel. She loved him and Maria like family, and they were her family.

Lev was Abby's family, there was no mistaking that.

Ellie found him to be well-mannered and kind, much like her son. Endearingly inquisitive, too. He covered Abby's weaknesses, helped draw her strength when she faltered and helped to ground her mentally. He was brave and compassionate in equal measure and Ellie told him once, unbidden, that she thought he would make a great leader. That the world needed more men like him. The way he shyly dipped his head and smiled was enough to make her day. Ellie knew she wouldn't have lasted this long being alone with Abby and so she was grateful that he came along for the journey.

Ellie noticed a lot about these two. And she doubted he would have let Abby do this on her own regardless. Nah, not this kid with his unwavering determination and stares that could make even two very headstrong women like them listen and relent, however begrudgingly. Abby needed him, that much Ellie knew beyond the shadow of a doubt. Nothing was able to tear these two apart.

Perhaps to make her first real effort to have Abby open up to her or to fill the quiet, Ellie began enumerating some fucked up shit she had experienced. "Came across a group of cannibals when I was fifteen." It was said with a nonchalant shrug. She'd lived through much worse in the years since. "Then a couple of years back, there was this other group I came across. Near Colorado Springs... I think? This man and woman saw me come out of a building filled with spores—" Here, she chuckled humorlessly. "—no mask. They saw how I wasn't showing signs of infection so naturally, they were curious. Shocked. I went with them to their camp when they offered me food."

"Yeah, I knew it was stupid but I hadn't caught any animals in days. They started acting.... really fucking weird in the next day or two and before I could get out of there, the man... their leader, I suppose, gathers his people in some kind of cult circle and draws a knife on me." Ellie added imagery to the story by holding out her switchblade, her eyes going from Lev to Abby as she lowered her voice and adopted a gruffer tone. "He said, 'We want your blood'. Like he was asking for me to give him the last piece of jerky or something. So I let them see their own blood instead... but then the woman got the others to grab me. They sliced my hand open."

She could still see the line of faded scar tissue on the palm of her left hand. Barely there but a souvenir of this unsettling encounter nevertheless. Ellie's switchblade was tucked away into the back pocket of her jeans before she continued. "They thought drinking my blood would make them immune. I'm sure they would have tried to eat me or worse if I hadn't gotten away. And I couldn't let them follow me either."

The rest of the tale was fill-in-the-blanks. She was quiet for a moment, staring off at nothing in particular as they walked, pensive. "I don't know if it would have even worked. My blood could be different though." She made eye contact with Abby, green seizing blue—like the earth meeting the sky. "Guess we'll find out soon enough." This brokered agreement was why they put aside their history and in spite of said history, they were choosing to co-exist without the threat of violence against each other.

Could she say she still hated Abby with every fiber of her being? The answer was no, she didn't. The hate and the wrath that came with it was gone. Did Abby feel that it wasn't there anymore? If she were to ask, there would be no point in lying. Ellie wasn't willing to choke on her own blood before she'd swallow her pride... Not anymore. Not over this. Abby had her own reasons for being the one to talk Ellie into the whole thing. In truth, Ellie wasn't so sure she would have trusted the Fireflies had they brought others to find her.

She, too, had her reasons, ones that didn't involve helping make a cure. To right her wrongs... To understand the woman who changed everything. Things she couldn't entirely made sense of let alone admit out loud.

Did the Firefly leader pick Abby because of her history with Ellie or did she volunteer beforehand while suggesting they continue Jerry's legacy? Ellie stored that question away for later.

She still wanted to make her immunity mean something, even if that also meant she was betraying Joel's and Jesse's memory in having her peace with Abby. The Fireflies could take her blood, run their tests and ask their questions. But they couldn't have her life—this was something she could not give up while she still had the people who loved her.

"So, what's this thing I wouldn't believe?"

Such a dismissive reaction to the offer of leading them didn’t come as any surprise to Abby. Sure whatever was right. The idea still didn’t thrill her but it was either try to navigate blind or leave it to someone who knew the area better than the two of them. The choice seemed simple enough, even if neither of them were a fan of the idea. She manages to contain an eye roll which is impressive. Lev could at least be proud that she was trying to somewhat come off as reasonable at that moment in time. A quick look in his direction and a nod in return is the reassurance she needs that everything is going to be okay. With such a fucked up history, his was the only judgment she could trust at this point and as long as he continued to trust Ellie, Abby would be forced to do the same. Even if it went against every single instinct in her body. She would be ready at a moments notice though to spring into action if needed. The remnants of the violence Ellie was capable of were scattered about her skin, visible on sleeveless, suntanned arms. No reason had been given on this trip to keep her guard up but she certainly wouldn’t be letting it down around her.

The two of them watch as she hops up onto the roof of the car and their gaze falls into the direction she’s looking at. Mention of a horde makes her tense up, her jaw locking into place. It’s less than ideal, even with the alleged distance between them and infected. Abby had encountered her fair share of infected groups but in terms of numbers, nothing had quite outdone those that had chased her through the snowy Jackson mountains. A horde that nearly killed her if it hadn’t been for… No. She shakes the memory out of her head and forces herself to lock in on the task at hand. “I’ve seen shit you wouldn’t believe,” she states calmly and looks in the direction of the other woman. There’s no sarcasm in her statement. No smugness. Maybe the slightest hint of fear in the way it comes out. No matter how hard she tried, that fucking abomination in the basement of the hospital had not been forgotten. The fact that something like that could exist was one of the things that brought her genuine terror. Making it out of Seattle was an accomplishment but making it out of that place was a miracle unlike any other.

Her focused is back on the land and she takes the binoculars as they’re offered to her with no hesitation. Ellie is right. Definitely a horde and thankfully a solid distance away from them. Not enough for her liking. She scans the surrounding area more before taking one final look at the horde. The faster they can depart, the better. At least they seem to be on the same page with that sentiment. “C'mon,” Abby mumbles to Lev who also takes a look through the binoculars. “I don’t want to stay to find out what kind of shit might be out there.” He’d heard the story of the hospital before and knew better than to question it.

She doesn’t even notice the slower pace and finds herself walking ahead until Lev calls out her name and she glances over her shoulder at the both of them. Too many recollections from her past have her in a momentary fog and the snapback to reality is all it takes for her to lock back in and nod. “We can boil some water for reserve, cool off. I’ll get things going for the night if the two of you want to have a look around.”

[bekkathyst]

I have a bunch of different thoughts and memories I want to write out, but it may not be for you. I touch on some heavy topics in this post, so just giving a warning. This is more personal than anything.

I’ve been undertaking the project of organizing my jewelry-making crystal stash for the first time ever and it’s hitting me that I’ve collected tens of thousands of dollars of these gems over the last 12 or so years of owning my shop. It really gives me hope that I can rebuild my business up to the level it used to be. Or maybe even higher.

Up until we moved to Austria, hard years in my life were hard because of abuse, trauma, horrific things going on in my family or otherwise. Things I almost never spoke aloud. But last year was hard in a different way. It felt as if the cumulative damage of two decades of shouldering more than I could actually bear and taking care of way too many people finally caught up with me. It felt like the stress of moving continents pushed me over the edge.

I may have talked about it briefly, but sometime around late 2019 I started trying really hard to take good care of myself and I got into eating healthy and hiking. It helped me so much, and in 2021 I was in the best shape of my life and felt the best I’d ever felt. But after we moved here in 2022, something happened. That winter after, it was like my whole body fell apart at once and the health I had worked so hard to maintain just slipped away. I lost so much time to feeling so unwell I could barely make myself leave my house. I was constantly sick and miserable and it made my mental health slip, too.

I lost a lot of work. I couldn’t make myself focus and then of course this plus the plummeting economy caused a big hit in my business. This all came together to make 2024 the worst year my shop has had since it really started to take off in 2017 or so.

I started 2024 by falling down the stairs and giving myself a knee injury that took months to heal, and then later in the year I was hospitalized twice and diagnosed with a couple chronic conditions. I poured the rest of our savings into the shop to keep it afloat, and so I could allow myself to figure out my health and rest.

I’m so grateful I could heal, but now I’m facing all the consequences of those choices. I’m realizing if I don’t act fast and pull everything together, not only will I lose my business, but we’re going to have problems with immigration next month when Antonio goes to reapply for his residency permit. We have a month left to rebuild our savings and in order to do that, we have debt from last year to pay off. Right now we’re just barely staying afloat as it is.

But I keep envisioning the future. I can see a future where we catch up, flourish, and open a physical shop so we don’t have to rely on the ever changing algorithms that want to see small businesses perish. I can see a future where I can focus on my art and prosper. Where I continue to improve my health and refine my skills and learn and grow. And most importantly, a future in which we can give our daughter all she needs without a second thought. Maybe I’m delusional, but just 10 years ago I had similar delusional thoughts about moving back to Austria one day.

[sacrilegesummer]

Wet, Hot, American Nights - Part 3

Come on Eileen

summary: After arriving at your remote cliffside campsite, Nancy and Jonathon have a favor to ask you and Steve, pushing you beyond what you're comfortable doing. After unexpectedly inspiring Steve to push beyond his comfort zone, he starts to open up to you more, but the signs still feel mixed. Or maybe you're overthinking. warnings: flirting, wide open water, cliff jumping, mention of wild animals, cussing, cussing, heights, ‘only one bed’ trope, but for camping a/n: I am still VERY nervous pls be kind to me. I am trying to not describe the reader in any way besides age and gender, but if there's something written that feels like projecting a certain look, pls lmk and I will edit/fix it for the future:) hi sorry this took me so long life has been crazy lmao, bf is away for the summer so with nothing else to do this will take more priority in my life <3 Also the title names mean almost nothing, just a general vibe…

word count: 3.3K

After an hour voyage across the lake, traversing rapids in your small shitty canoes, and a mile and half portage with all of your things in hand, Cabins 6 and 11 finally made it to the designated camp site. Your campers fall down in a well-deserved huff. You were shocked, you didn’t hear a single complaint from any of them, not even a peep. In fact, they almost seemed to be enjoying the hard work. You let them have some time to settle as Nancy and Jonathon began to start a fire for dinner, while Steve unpacked the food. You place your bags by your tent bag, two lifeguard tubes near the edge of Jumping Rock (the cliff side), and immediately hang a rope in a tree to hang the bear bag later in the night. You learned your lesson during the first Site Night to hang the rope before it got dark. Thinking of the dark, you hollered to the kids behind you, “You’ll be setting up your own tent, so don’t let it get too late!” 

A chorus of groans followed your announcement, and Steve yelled back, “No dessert if your tent isn’t set up by the time dinner’s ready!”

You smirked at him, thankful for the backup. Nancy and Jonathon were too preoccupied to pay attention to you and Steve. 

“Steve…” you drew out, “if I cook your hobo stew, will you put up mine and Nancy’s tent?”

He grimaced at you, “I don’t know, I think I’ll need something else,” he eyes you playfully. “How about… You help me lifeguard the cliff and cook dinner, and I’ll put up your tent,” he said, sticking out his hand to strike the deal.

“Deal!” you shook his hand excitedly. Pitching the tents was your least favorite Site Night task. 

_ _ _

Your campers gathered around Jonathon’s hastily made campfire as you finished cooking dinner, all the tents were set up perfectly, girls on one side, boys on the other, with counselor tents on a hill, somewhat centered between the two. You let the girls giggle and gossip with each other, pleased to see them tolerating one another. You and your fellow counselors were further back on a picnic table, chowing down on your stew, talking about everything and anything related to camp. 

“Oh, by the way, you guys,” Nancy started, and looked between you and Steve bashfully, “Jonathon and I have a question for you.”

“Yeah, what’s up?” you said in between mouthfuls.

“Would you guys mind if…” her voice got low, “if Jonathon and I shared a tent tonight? You can say no,” she added quickly. 

You looked at Steve, your face contorting uncomfortably. Sure, you and Steve were friends, but you were just becoming friends, and the last time you shared a tent, you also shared it with a dozen other people. Before you could say no, Steve almost yelled-

“Yes!” His face grew red and he looked at you, a couple of times, quickly saying, “If you’re okay with that. I think it’d be really fun,” Steve said with so much sincerity, you couldn’t possibly say no. 

“Of course, that sounds fun. Just don’t have too much fun, you two,” you winked at the couple. 

Jonathan scoffed at that, “You’re disgusting, there are children here,” he mocked you. “Isn’t it time for a cabin activity? A little… cliff jumping?” Jonathan cringed as he said it, clearly hating the idea of it, but it was something both sets of camper’s had been talking about since checking ‘Jumping Rock’ out. You knew he’d be just fine though, he and Nancy would be at the top making sure everyone had shoes and lifejackets on.

“You know it,” Steve smirked at his co-counselor. He leaned back towards the campers, “Okay, guys! Swimsuits on in 10 if you want to cliff jump!” Steve gestured to you and himself and added, “We’ll be waiting for you guys in the water!”

He hopped up off the table and tried to pull you along, “Come on!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” you laughed, tossing your sweatshirt onto the picnic table, and then ran towards the edge, both of your lifeguard tubes waiting for you.

You stepped out of your shorts and threw them aside in a place you would remember them. You were in your favorite one piece, a blue one piece with red lining all around the edges. Athletic and flattering, you looked good. You looked over to Steve to ask who should go first, but he was already looking at you. This time, he didn’t look away, but he did make quick eye contact. He raised his eyebrows at you questioningly, his face growing warm. “What’s up?” he squeaked out. 

“Do you wanna go first?” you gestured towards the edge of the cliff. It was about 30 feet until the surface of the water, and another 20 before the bottom of the lake, but from up here it might as well have been a mile jump. You loved the excitement, though, the adrenaline rush wasn’t even your favorite part. It was the feeling of free-falling, the weightlessness of it all, and the wind against your skin and through your hair. It was incredible, and you couldn’t wait to go, but you wanted to give Steve a fair chance of going first. 

He looked over the edge and laughed nervously, “That’s all you,” and took a step back. He gave a fake cough and said, “I’ve never actually… I don’t really like heights,” he explained. “I might take the path down…” he trailed off, looking towards the tiny overgrown path that led down to the bank. 

 You nodded understandingly and placed a hand on his arm, “Of course, I’ll meet you down there.” You faced forward, the sun was just beginning to set over the lake, and you took it in for a moment. You looked back at Steve and smiled, “It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?” hand still on his bicep.

“Totally,” Steve responded, “beautiful,” his eyes flashed between you and the sunset. His eyes dropped to your hand as you removed it from his arm, missing the warmth, even in 80-degree weather.

You took a deep breath, clutching onto your lifeguard tube that was under your left arm, and glanced back at Steve again for reassurance. Anxiety and excitement bubbling in your chest. The lake was like a perfect mirror to the beautiful sunset, and you took a few steps back. Not wasting another moment, you took off running towards the edge. The sun in your eyes and your hair bouncing wildly, Steve couldn’t believe he was the only one to witness this. He was completely mesmerized, staring at you as you ran off the edge. The moment you lose the ground underneath you, you let go of your tube, arms flailing. You couldn’t help the excited scream and hysterical laughter that left your mouth. 

The water was freezing, and the shock of the cold water made it hard to breathe for a moment, but once your face hit the surface, you laughed again. “Steve!” the first words out of your mouth instantly, “You gotta try it!” 

His head peeked over the edge, and you heard his laugh echo across the lake. “Give me some room!” he yelled as his head pulled away, taking some steps back. It was silent for over a minute (you checked your watch). Suddenly, you heard the pounding of his feet and saw his legs sprawl out as they left the rock. He let out a scream that sounded more akin to a horror flick than a joyous occasion. As his body cut through the water, his tube pulled him back to the surface. He came up sputtering and laughing even more hysterically. 

“I can’t believe I just did that. I’ve never done that! I never even jumped off the swings as a kid! Holy shit! I can’t believe you made me do that!” Steve rambled, his eyes wide with adrenaline.

“Made you? I didn’t do anything, that was all you! You should be proud of yourself!” you yelled back, despite being only a few feet away from each other. 

“I would have never done that if you weren’t here. I’d be a stickler up at the top like Nancy and Jon. Oh my god,” he threw his head back and laughed. “I can’t believe it, that was awesome.”

You found yourself staring at him again, for what felt like the hundredth time in the last few hours, you couldn’t help it. He swung his head around and began to swim towards you, his large arms stretching and moving himself forward impressively fast, until he was right within your personal space. You both were treading water, your tubes long forgotten. 

“You’re like, really really awesome, you know that?” You looked into his big brown eyes, your face fawning a bit, touched by his compliment. 

“Steve, that’s-”

The sound of screaming cut you off abruptly, and you remembered you were supposed to be guarding lives in the water, not staring into Steve Harrington’s doe eyes and gentle smile. Not counting the freckles and moles on his face, brought out even more by the summer sun, you were supposed to be watching your campers.

Your campers were crying your name, over and over, “I can’t do it!” Courtney yells. 

Yvonne screams even louder, “What if I die?” which causes all the other girls to scream. 

Nancy has her ears covered while you scream back, “You won’t die! Just run and jump, you big babies!”

One by one, you watched your (irritating but) wonderful girls encourage each other, support one another, and eventually gather the courage to jump. It was such a beautiful moment to watch. Courtney went first; she was quite the leader, and this impressed you beyond belief. Steve’s cabin wasn’t much better, but they were petrified with fear until finally, Wade took the literal leap of faith. By the time the kids had all gone up and down three times, it was getting dark, and you and Steve decided to call it quits. 

Alisha begged, “Can we please do the polar plunge here tomorrow?”

“Maybe,” Steve said seriously. It would be a polar plunge, and it meant they all were going to be soaking wet the entire way home, which usually led to some health issues in campers you all wanted to avoid. 

You and Steve pulled up the rear of the group, trudging along silently from exhaustion. Not a bad silence, in fact, quite a pleasant silence. You pushed Steve’s arm to let him know you were deviating from the group for a moment to go grab your shorts. Foolishly, you did not have a flashlight, and when you walked up to the top of the cliff, looking at the dense foliage, you realized that looking for your shorts was useless. Steve had followed you and realized what you did at the exact same time and said, “Shit. We can just look in the morning.”

“Yeah, but those are my only pants,” you said shyly. You were supposed to pack light! It’s one night!

“You can just wear my sweatpants. We’ll be in the same tent anyway, so it’s not like they’ll notice,” Steve offered, referring to the campers. 

“What will you wear then?”

Steve scoffed, “I like to live lavishly, I usually bring two pairs of pants, if you can believe it.”

“I actually can’t,” you said dryly.

“That’s okay, I’ll believe for the both of us,” he smirked. 

_ _ _

You were sitting by the fire, back at the knees of your camper, Piper, who was braiding your hair. She had what looked to be hundreds of beautiful little braids with beads woven in between the strands. She was braiding your hair into just two big braids, but said she could ‘sacrifice’ a couple of her extra beads for you. When she finished, you took another look around the campfire.

You noticed the girls growing increasingly tired with every minute that passed, until finally the conversation had completely died down. The boys were off in the woods. You think you saw them building forts earlier, but now you could just hear them whispering. 

“Okay, girls, I think it’s time for bed,” you said, just above a whisper, getting up and shaking the shoulders of Alisha, who was passed out in the dirt, a log as her pillow. As they started to file into their tents, you saw Jonathon doing the same with his boys. You gave him a wink across the fire before heading into yours and… Steve’s tent. Your face grew hot thinking about it. Sleeping in such a small space with him felt incredibly intimate, and you weren’t sure what to make of it. He seemed very excited at the prospect of sleeping in the same tent as you, though you wondered if he just didn’t want Nancy and Jonathon to feel guilty for asking. 

The absence of crunching gravel let you know your girls had gone to sleep, you turned around and whisper-yelled ���goodnight!’ to your girls, who very adorably and sleepily said goodnight back. The air had become much colder, and you were thankful for the pants Steve would soon lend you. You made eye contact with him as he walked a camper to their tent (a boy who was scared of the dark had asked him to come with him while he brushed his teeth), and he smiled at you. You gave one back and unzipped the tent, taking your shoes off before carefully crawling in. You were a little startled when he put his face in the open tent flap and pointed aggressively at his backpack. 

“My sweatpants are in there. Go ahead and put them on. I’ll brush my teeth while you do that,” he said, and quickly pulled out and zipped the door up to give you some privacy. You rummaged through his bag and found what you assumed were the ones he wanted you to wear. They were simple, navy blue Nike joggers. You quickly undressed, taking your swimsuit off and putting on clean, dry undergarments. You put his pants on, untying the drawstring for more comfort. You unzipped the door to hang your swimsuit to dry and looked around to see if he was nearby or if any campers were creeping. The last thing you needed was for a camper to see the tent switch. You looked over at Jonathon and Nancy’s tent, hearing the quiet whispering and giggling, and you smiled gently at the two of them. You carefully stepped back into your tent. While waiting for Steve, you lay down on top of your blue sleeping bag and shoved your sweatshirt under your head as a pillow. You couldn’t help but notice Steve had a real pillow on his side. Talk about lavish! You were told not to pack too much of anything. Were you the only one to listen to that advice? 

You flipped the switch of your flashlight and grabbed the one luxury you cared to bring: your favorite book. You shined the flashlight on the open pages and read through a few pages before you heard Steve scratch at the nylon of the tent. 

“Are you decent?”

You laughed, “Yes, I’m clothed, come in.”

His head popped in and began to crawl inside, flipping on his butt to take his shoes off. He glanced at your book, “Do you want to read for a bit before going to bed?”

“No, it’s fine, I’m like, exhausted.”

“Yeah, me too,” Steve said, but the way his eyes were flitting around the tent led you to believe he was less tired than he was letting on. “You look good in my pants, by the way. You look nice in blue.”

You looked down at your legs and then back at Steve, “They’re sweatpants.”

“Still, you look good. In like- everything.” Steve’s eyes were wide, and he wouldn’t look you in the eyes. Your face grew red at the compliment. 

“Thank you. For the compliment and letting me wear them. I really appreciate it.” 

The tent fell into another quiet moment, the sounds of the campers' distant chatter and the rustling of trees outside filling the space. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it wasn’t easy either. The heat of the tent, the closeness of your sleeping bags, and the quiet sound of nocturnal creatures made everything feel much more intimate.

You both settled into your sleeping bags a bit more, and you shut your flashlight off. You broke the silence this time. 

“You seem to really like your cabin this week. I’m still thinking about what we talked about last week, how you felt that you couldn’t connect with anyone at camp. Has that changed?”

Steve seems a little surprised at your question, “Yeah. I’ve taken what you said to heart. Finding that appreciation and connection. You know I’m- I’m letting camp change me, letting camp really, like- take its course on me. It’s been great letting my guard down and not being so… pretentious… about everything.” he said, sounding a little embarrassed, “I mean, even today, watching the guys help each other, and care for each other, it really makes you feel like you’re a part of something bigger,” you could see him grin, even in the dim light, “Like when Wade jumped. He looked like he might pass out before he jumped, but when he came back up… he was so stoked. Like, just so proud of himself."

“Isn’t it incredible! And you get to be a part of that. It seems small Steve, but you’re changing lives here, not just your own.”

“It is…” Steve smiled to himself and then chuckled quietly, “I don’t think I would have done any of that as a kid. And I definitely wouldn’t have the courage you’ve got.”

“I only pretend to be cool, my heart was still racing the entire time.” 

Steve was quiet for a moment, "I don’t know… I just think it’s awesome how you can just do all of that. You’ve got this confidence, like… nothing can rattle you. You walk around like you own camp, and you basically do. You walk around dancing like you don’t care if anyone sees. And maybe no one does, except me,” Steve says that last part so quietly, you couldn’t make out what he said. He looks over at you, and even though he can hardly make out your profile in the dark, he stares anyway. 

“I do not own camp,” you laugh, “and I dance like that because I just always have a song stuck in my head. Gotta dance that earworm out,” and you start wiggling in your sleeping bag, which Steve can only tell because of the scratchy sound of it against your clothes. You laugh and then say seriously, “But, thank you. That means a lot. It’s good to be recognized, you know? You also are like, really impressive this week. I haven’t seen such life in your eyes… I don’t think ever.”

He laughs quietly, “That’s probably true. It hasn’t seemed worth it until now.”

You smiled back at Steve, though neither of you could see each other. You were glad the cover of night shielded your facial expressions. You were beginning to like Steve, but you still haven’t forgotten the arrogant sex pest he seemed to be not five weeks ago. People change, but they don’t change that fast. You wondered if he was playing the long game with you. Maybe he was trying to get closer to Patty or Mae, your best friends at camp, and you were the way in. Instantly, you willed yourself to stop thinking about that, your chest uncomfortably tight. 

“Goodnight, Steve,” you said quietly.

He smiled, and you could see the glow of his teeth even in the dark, “Goodnight, sleep well,” adding your name quietly.  

 The night outside of the tent seemed to take you both into sleep simultaneously, the exhaustion finally reaching both of you. Steve fell asleep to thoughts of your hair, whipping around in the wind, your laugh that was quickly becoming his favorite genre of music, and your body in that blue one-piece.