#I really do need a nap tho like today was stressful and annoying and I STILL didn’t get to do what I needed to get done

[jordanshenessy]

I’m at the part of my life called “maybe if I just go to sleep it’ll all go away”

[be-good-to-bugs]

you would think considering how much it loves sleeping that my body would, yknow, sleep when i ask it to. or even just when it has barely slept in days and im trying so hard to sleep

[volleychumps]

Hey so I've been dying out of stress lately (I nearly started crying) because of school and finals that are coming way to fast and I wanted to request like how the Karasuno boys would comfort their s/o (you don't have to tho)

Comforting a S/O who’s Stressed about Exams (w/ Karasuno)

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Daichi

-okay who the fUck made his baby cry he wants to know 

-come on just let him talk to them 

- Enters your bedroom to see you on the verge of tears as you sat at your desk, freezing at the sight

- “Are you okay?” “Dai, why would you even ask that?” “...sorry.” 

- leans against your desk with a worried expression on is features, listening to your explanation on how high your anxiety was for the upcoming finals as his fingers swipe at the tears 

- As you speak, he maintains eye contact with you as he slowly closes your textbook, beginning to pickup stray pens and pencils and putting them in their respectable cups until you notice 

- “...Dai, what are you doing?” “Hm? Oh, don’t mind me- you’re just cut off for today.” 

- “I’m what” “You heard me. Come on.” 

- holds his hand out to you, gaze serious as ever as you look at him increduously, beginning to open your textbook back up 

- “Dai, I’m serious, I need to-” “Alright, so we’re doing this the hard way.” 

- deadass picks you up, sliding some easy slip ons over your bare feet before beginning to walk towards the exit of your house as he ignores your attempts to break free

- “This is kidnapping.” “That’s just an shorter word for giving you an opportunity to relax.” 

- Buys you ice cream and takes you window shopping in order to give you some fresh air, smiling a little when he sees how relaxed you become afterwards 

- Takes you home eventually, but leans his head on your shoulder while you study, giving you tips on how to do it with short intervals so you don’t run out of stamina 

- Forehead kisses here and there, allowing you to take naps on his lap while he reads through his own book for school, fingers running through your hair absent-mindedly, but that helps you relax too 

- so when you pass the exams, you’re walking up to Daichi in the halls with both arms raised

- “...what?” “I passed. Kidnap me.” 

- Doesn’t even question it before picking you up again, kissing you on the forehead 

- “That’s my girl.” 

Sugawara

- “You’re ignoring my calls because?” 

- You yelp, covering your mouth after doing so because you were seated in the library, your gray-haired boyfriend scaring you from behind with both hands on your shoulders before he pauses, catching sight of the brimming tears in your eyes

- “Wait, are you crying?!” 

- “Suga, say it a little louder. Australia might’ve missed it.” “Shoot, sorry...”

- Cautiously takes a seat next to you, eyes scanning over the material and frowns when he sees just how many practice problems you’ve completed 

- “It’s an important exam?” 

- When you nod, he rolls his eyes once, simply pulling you into his chest as his hand rests on the back of your head, when you try to pull away, he clicks his tongue 

- “Suga, I can’t-” “When you can’t hug your boyfriend because you think an exam that’s making you cry is more important, then we have a problem.” 

- Kisses around your face, including the loose tears that were strayed down your cheeks as you can’t help the laughs from slipping your throat 

- you blink as he’s suddenly shoving everything in your bag, ignoring your protests before kissing your cheek and bending his knees 

- “Alright, get on.” “Suga, no.”

- “Suga, yes. Come on, I look like an idiot crouching like this.” “And what if I said you always look like an idiot?” “Then I’d say I’m an idiot who’s in love with you. Now stop yapping.” 

- you roll your eyes as you awkwardly clamber onto Suga’s back, hearing his satisfied grunt when you do so

- “Perfect. Now, where would you like to go, little miss?” “...I think I’d like to be put down-” “Wrong answer!” 

- takes you on a stroll through the school courtyards, not letting you off his back despite the strange stares you were getting from students

- you quirk an eyebrow when he places you under a shaded tree, letting out a few hums as he begins to unpack your stuff for you

- “Suga, what-” “We’re going to have a study picnic. You missed my calls, I missed my lunch. No complaints!” 

- feeds you while you study, grinning at you when he tests you with flashcards, and high-fives you when you get it right 

- “Suga, I passed!!” “Well duh, goregous-” 

- Hugs you tightly as you melt into his embrace, his smile hidden in your hair 

- “Never doubted it for a second.” 

Asahi 

- “Asahi, please, not right now.” 

- poor baby was just trying to ask if you wanted him to walk you home from school, leaving the room with a frown when your tone seems annoyed 

-is halfway down the hallway because he doesn’t want to bother you before he pauses, and then spins on his heel back towards your classroom

- freezes when he sees you sitting alone in your empty class, hand covering your eyes as you sob freely, thinking everyone had gone home 

- “Y/N?” slowly reaches for your hand, flinching when you pull it away

- “A-Asahi, I thought I told you to go without me! Y-You don’t have to see me like...like-!”

- cuts you off with a bear hug, allowing you to cry into his shirt as his large arms embrace you 

- “I want to know when you’re feeling like this, okay?” when he finishes listening to your hiccuping explanation, he plops down in the seat next to you as you eye him questioningly

- gently leans your head towards his shoulder, shushing your protests and not allowing you to lift it 

- “Rest. Please? For me?” 

- so, in an empty classroom past school hours, you fell asleep on your large boyfriend’s shoulder to the sound of him writing

- smiles at you as you sleep, eyes scanning over the material before he realizes that he remembers the information on the exam you were about to take, seeing he was your senior 

- when you wake up a half hour later, you’re left in your seat with Asahi’s school coat draped around your shoulders, and a notebook with a sticky note on the front

- Look over these for now. I highlighted what was important. I’ll be back soon, I went to get you some tea and snacks <3

- when he slides the door to your classroom open, you tackle him in a hug, apologizing for being short with him earlier as he chuckles and pats the top of your head 

- “I’m glad I came back.” “...did you get me mochi?” “Of course I got you mochi.”

- so when you pass your exam with flying colors, you’re the one to poke your head into Asahi’s classroom as the bell rings, a bright grin on your face 

- “Want to walk me home?” “Nope, let’s go celebrate-”

-he plants a shy kiss on the top of your head as he swings his bag over his shoulder “-you earned it.” 

Nishinoya 

-Let’s be honest, he really can’t understand why you’d be so upset over an exam

- so when he catches sight of you in the middle of the courtyard from the second floor of the school, he’s darting towards you as fast as you can, holding you by your shoulders as he meets your eyes with widened ones 

- “D-did someone die?” “No!” “Did you get bitten in Animal Crossing?” “No.” “Are you dying?” 

- whines when you thump his head, your other hand wiping hastily at the tears in your eyes that he caught you with as you huff, turning back to your textbook as you begin your explanation 

- “...that’s why you’re crying? Babe, it’s just a test!” “To you, maybe. I seriously can’t fail, and I’ve been studying non-stop.” 

- frowns when he sees you going back to studying the tear-stained pages, sniffling quietly to yourself before he snatches the book from you, throwing it over his shoulder 

- “Noya what-?!” “Leave it. It’s not like anyone’s gonna steal it.” 

- deadass pulls you away from the courtyard, hand clasped tightly in yours as you arrive in the gym used by the volleyball club 

- “Sh. No questions.” Puts a finger to your lips as he disappears and reappears with a cage full of balls 

- “Noya-” “Hup! What did I say?” 

- smirks at you as he puts a ball in your hand, making his way to the other side of the gym before crossing his arms cockily 

- “Hit it.” “What?” 

- “If you can manage to make me lose a receive, I’ll let you go do your nerd thing, or whatever.” “Noya-” “Babe, please just hit it.” 

- you sigh before tossing the ball lightly in the air and hitting it with your free hand dejectedly as it projects off to the side 

- “Wow, you suck.” “Yuu, I swear-” “Hit it again. Like you mean it.” 

- you don’t question the glint in his eye before grabbing another ball and hitting it again, this time with more force as Noya’s eyes gleam before receiving it easily, smirking all the while 

- “That’s more like it. Unless you can’t make me miss?” “...what the hell did you just say?” 

- as you hit more and more balls towards your boyfriend, beginning to stop questioning his antics you realize one thing: it felt good

- “Y/N!! I love you!!” he yells as his arms form a heart with his head, grinning at you cheekily as you laugh. “Hit that ball like it’s the exam! Come on!” 

- so you did, hitting many until you’re breathing heavily, arm beginning to become sore 

- “How do you feel?” Noya jogs up to you, wiping sweat from his brow before you grab the front of his shirt, pulling him in to kiss him feverishly, smiling when his lips move back against yours easily as his arms snake around your waist 

- “I feel amazing.” is what you whisper when you pull back, Noya running a full lap around the gym at top speed at the energy you gave him with your kiss 

- “Alright baby! Let’s get our study on!” “Our?” “As long as it’s with you, I’d most definitely jump into a volcano.” 

- picks up the tossed book in the courtyard, opening it seriously before pulling you in with his other arm, sitting criss-cross next to you as his eyes scan the pages 

- “Alright, so where are we?” “...english.” “Shit.” 

Tanaka

- Walks into your bedroom with his hands shoved in his pockets before he stalls at the sight, seeing you curled up on your bed with a textbook laying open at your side, tears streaming freely down your cheeks 

- Lifts his sleeve up his arm and passed his elbow as his expression darkens, hands gentle around your tear-stained cheeks as he lifts up your face to meet his deadly gaze

- “I want names, and I want them now.” 

- “Unless you can beat up an exam, babe, I can’t give you any.” “...huh?”

- plops down on your bed, facing you as his hand wipes at the tears on your cheeks before he sighs, pulling you into his chest gently

- “You scared me. I thought it was something serious-OW! Violence is never the answer!” “This is something serious to me, Tanaka!” 

- “...oh.” awkwardly scratches the back of his neck as you open your textbook back up, causing him to put it down again with an eyebrow quirked

- “Why are you going back to the very thing that made you cry?” “Because I have to, so gimme.” 

- deadass puts your textbook in an outstretched arm to where you couldn’t reach it, smirking when you land in his chest when trying to do so 

- throws the textbook on the ground as he relaxes into your bed, not letting you go despite your protests as he hugs you to his body, smiling when you finally relax

- “Isn’t this nice?” “...no.” “Oi, don’t lie. It won’t kill you to take a little break. So I’ll cuddle you, okay? What do you want, I’ll do anything for you.” 

- “Can I be the big spoon?” “...anything but one thing. I’ll do anything but one thing for you.” 

- groans when you win, becoming the small spoon to his girlfriend that absolutely had him won over completely

- “Do you feel better?” “Mm. Will you kiss me?” 

- cheeks turn hot immediately, turning towards you slightly before he turns back again 

- “...anything but two things-” “Tanaka, just shut up and kiss me.” 

- kisses you quickly after he sits the two of you up, placing a hand on the side of your cheek with reddened ones, rolling his eyes at your cheeky smile 

- “Well, at least now you’re smiling. Come, let Tanaka-sensei tutor you.” “...how about you be here for emotional support?” 

- “Rude, but I can do that too...are you sure? I think I’d make a great-” 

- “Oh, I’m sure.” “You answered too quickly.” 

Kageyama

- awkward boy doesn’t know how to react to ANYONE if there’s tears involved

- “She’s what?” “Y/N was crying in class today...” Yamaguchi puts his hands up in slight defense as Kageyama’s out the club door a split second later 

- manages to catch up with you halfway down your route from school, nose buried in your textbook as he easily jogs up to put a hand on your shoulder

- blue eyes widen when you lift your head up to meet him with tear-brimmed eyes, stress evident on your features as you weakly smile at him 

- “H-Hi Kageyama...” “What happened?” 

- Stiffens when you lay your head on his chest, feeling his heart rate go out of control as you explain the upcoming exam, and the toll it was taking on you

-barely heard any of it because he was internally freaking out, but got the gist of it

-��“Ah.” “Yeah.” 

- stands there awkwardly as you manage to stop crying, still sniffling and hiccuping slightly as Kageyama hesitantly takes your hand in his 

- “...it’s just an exam. If it makes you feel any better I haven’t passed one all year.” 

- you stare at him for a second before laughing, causing your boyfriend to blush as his features turn accusing

- “what?” “No. I think it’s just cute. You’re cute.” 

- shit why did you need to go call him cute twice in one sentence

- “...do you want to go get something sweet?” “Sure. What about your club?” “It’s you. They have to understand if it’s you...” 

- “what was that?” “noTHing. what did you say?” “Uh, I didn’t say anything...”

- watches you happily eat the parfait he bought for you, feeling satisfied that you were mostly back to your usual self until he sees you opening your textbook back up, his hand reaching out to stop yours before he can realize it

- “What are you doing?” “I still have to-” “No. No exam is worth making yourself cry over.” 

- “But I-” “We’re on a date, aren’t we? Pay attention to me.” 

- clamps his mouth tight after the words come out, blushing at your look of surprise as he struggles to find the right words, watching as you slowly shut your textbook 

- “I didn’t-!” “Alright. I’ll pay attention to you.”

- “W-wai-” “Hm? Or I can go back to study-” “nO okay yes, pay attention to me.” 

- frustrated at your teasing before you giggle, stopping in surprise when his hand covers yours from across the table, ears pinkened 

- might as well damn you’ve stepped out of comfort zone twice today Kageyama

- “I...I’m glad you’re laughing.” 

- “What was that?” “I didn’t say anything, are you going crazy?” 

Hinata

- “Hinata get off of me.” “Not until you tell me why you’re crying. I will tickle you dammit.”

- the orange haired baby had burst into your room with the play from yesterday in hand, excited to watch it with you when you had looked up at him with red eyes and wetness down your cheeks

- pins your wrists to the bed, orange eyes serious as his hands begin to trace your sides, signalling he was about to start tickling you soon if you didn’t fess up

- “Who made you cry?” “No one.” 

- Hinata gettin kINKY as shit ngl 

- “The upcoming stress is giving me a bit of anxiety, that’s all.” you mumble in response to Hinata’s tilted head and look of questioning as he releases you, falling on to the side of the bed as he stares up at the ceiling by your side

- “Then let’s do it together.” “Hm?” 

- “I need to study too! Plus you’re waaay smarter than me, so maybe if you teach me, you’ll be able to do even better!” Sits up excitedly, pulling you into his lap as his orange eyes gleam

- “Whaddya say?” “I...that’s not a bad idea.” You blush when Hinata rests his chin on your shoulder, seeming to be deep in thought as he plays with your fingers

- “What are you thinking about?” “How to make the exam makers suffer because they made my baby sad.” 

- “HinATA-” “Joking. It was a joke.” 

- studies with you brightly, not letting a wrong answer bring the mood down as he simply punishes you with tickles, willing you not to get the answer wrong or you’ll face his wrath 

- “u-uh, a comma?” “Nope! Come here!” “Hinata please-!” 

- laughs when you let out a shriek of laughter, pausing when your hands find the sides of his jaw, your eyes looking up at him lovingly 

- blushes when you lean up to kiss him once on the lips, using the opportunity to break out of his hold 

- “T-That’s cheating!” “I call it, using my resources.” 

- “How about this, for every answer you get right, I’ll kiss you.” he shyly states, looking off to the side as you grin at his cuteness

- “You’re on, love.” “Better not get it wrong!”

Tsukishima

- “I left for three minutes, did you miss me that much?” 

- was studying with you in his living room in his empty house, leaving to use the bathroom and grab you a drink only to return to the scene before him 

- you were staring down at your textbook with tears in your eyes, brows furrowed in confusion as you lift your head to meet the blank stare of your boyfriend

- “N-no...I just realized how close the exams were. It’s stressful...” 

-says nothing as he sits next to your trembling figure, placing the cold can of melon juice on the table in front of you silently

- “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel-!” “I’ll listen. You have five minutes.” 

- stares straight ahead as you hiccup through your explanation of worries, turning his head towards you when he’s met with silence 

- “You finished?” “Y-yeah...” 

- pops your can of melon juice, holding it out to you as you stare at it in confusion

- “Drink.” 

- Watches as you down half the can, feeling refreshed as he takes the can and drinks the rest, setting the empty drink on the table

- “Now take a deep breath.” 

- didn’t expect for you to start panicking again and runs a hand through his blonde hair before hesitating

- blonde baby isn’t good at affection

- but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like it, he just feels better when you’re the one to initiate it 

- puts a single hand on the top of your head, looking off in the opposite direction as he brings his knees to his chest 

- “Don’t cry. It makes me feel weird.” 

- looks back and sweat drops, only to see you gazing up at him with a look that screamed you’ve never done this before wtf before retracting his hand hastily 

- “Are you tired?” He changes the topic quickly, and you bite your lip before nodding once. “Can I...lay on you?” 

- shit why did you need to ask him he would’ve been fine if you just did it

- looks off to the side again before nodding once, feeling blood rush to his cheeks when your head is suddenly in his lap, causing the tall boy to have to steady his breathing 

- “Tsukki?” “What.” “You’re really good to me...you know?” 

- begins to play with the ends of your hair as your eyes droop closed, carefully placing his earbuds in your ears and selecting a soft music selection as you fall asleep, ensuring you can’t hear him 

- “The feeling’s mutual.” “...hm?” 

- “I said shut up and go to sleep. We’ll continue when you wake up.” 

Yamaguchi

- “Y/N, you’re mom let me- whoa. Hey, are you crying?” “No Yama, I’m not.” 

- Sits his bike helmet down slowly before approaching your frustrated figure, your hands clenched through your hair as you shuffle through the strewn papers, eyes brimmed with tears 

- “Are you okay?” “Do I look okay?! Exams are within the next week, and no matter how much I study, I-” 

- listens to you rant as he takes a seat on the edge of your bed, flinching when your voice raises octaves as if accusing him until you come to a sudden halt

- “Yama, I...” “No. Continue. Let it out, it’s okay.” 

- When your boyfriend smiles his sweet smile towards you, your throat becomes choked up as your arms reach weakly out 

- Hugs you immediately, smiling when you bury your face in his shirt from your sitting position 

- “I-I’m sorry...” “Nope. None of that...do you know how you can make it up to me, though?” “Hm?” 

- gently turns off the lamp that lit up your desk space, putting all the papers in one neat pile before tugging you out of your chair 

- “Where are we going?” “We’ll figure it out when we get there.” 

- Straps his jacket helmet on you tightly as he perches you on the back of his bike, ensuring you were okay with sitting with both legs to the side before kissing your forehead before fastening the strap

- “Yama, I hope we’re going to a library or something-” “Nope! Nice try, though.” 

- “Hold on tight, Y/N.” as he wraps your arms around the middle of his body, grinning when he feels you tighten your grip before he begins to move his legs to begin cycling 

- the fresh air calms you down immediately, and you close your eyes and lay your head against Yamaguchi’s back peacefully as you enjoy the ride

- “How do you feel?” “Better. Lots.” 

- stops cycling in front of your favorite food stand, resting his bike against a rest stop as he approaches you to unfasten the helmet

- “Hey, Yama.” “Yes, Y/N?” 

- was not expecting for you to reach your lips up to meet his, causing a blush to spread over his freckled cheeks when you keep him there with your hand

- “...I seriously need to study.” “Bribing me with kisses won’t work.” 

- “What if I did it again...?” “I love you, but no. How about I kiss you anyways?” 

- “I mean, if you want.” “Did you just play me?” “Like a fiddle.” 

- Rolls his eyes before he kisses you again, you still perched on his bike as he uses the straps on your helmet to pull you in 

- Exams should come sooner, tbh 

[sevendeadlymorons]

Hey I’m that one anon from a while back that sent those long ass paragraphs about Lilith and Simeon, remember me? Anyway I know I’m very late to the party, but some of the boys are either getting to much hate or too much love over here (in my opinion) so I made a pros and cons list for all of them, I’m sorry- (I’m warning you now this will be long but I’ll put it in bullet points so it’s a bit easier to read, just read it whenever your mentally ready lol)

Lucifer (I hate this man.)

Pros

He’d help a lot with getting your life together wether that be finding a job, choosing the right college or other shit like that

He’d make sure your working hard and getting everything done, which is both a blessing and a curse tbh

He would be the one to take the most care of you whenever your ill psychically

Cons

He would probably overwork you

Doesnt have much time to spend on you and doesn’t make a effort to find more time unless your getting really sad about it

Probably wouldn’t be the best of help through issues with mental illness (he just doesn’t strike me as that type, feel free to disagree)

His pride would cause some serious problems in relationships :/

Mammon (I love this man.)

Pros

He’s the “if your sad, I’m sad” kind of guy so he does whatever he can to put a smile on your face

Makes his affection towards you known once he’s comfortable enough, mostly through things like hugs and head pats tho

He shows off anything you make, and I mean anything (you gave him a drawing? After showing it to everyone he puts it on the fridge. You wrote something? He reads it to everyone then puts it in his notebook to reread later, I think you get where I’m going with this)

Cons

There would probably be some communication issues due to his tsundere nature and habit of ignoring you when he’s mad

He’d get super mad at you when your trying to help him financially, maybe it’s a ego thing or maybe he’s just tired of hearing it

While his possessiveness is cute at times he’d definitely get way to overbearing if you don’t force him to cool it

Levi (I kin this man.)

Pros

He’d try to set up designated hangout times (like Friday is movie night, Tuesday is for RPGs etc)

Wanna spend time with him but aren’t very into what he’s into? While it will be harder to bond with him because of this I think if you REALLY wanted to hang with him he’d at least try to meet you in the middle (like if you like sports he’ll offer to play wii sports lol)

Insecurities getting you down again? Well never fear, levi is here! He’d find characters with flaws similar to those you see in yourself to prove that they don’t really matter (and since he struggles with insecurity himself he’d know how you feel and be one of the best at helping you through them)

Cons

Even if he makes an effort to meet you in the middle if you have different interests he’d refuse to get into “normie” stuff

He’ll guilt trip you constantly, even if it’s not on purpose (“Oh your hanging out with Asmo today? I get it, of course you’d wanna hang out with somebody cool and perfect like Asmo and not a gross yucky otaku like me”)

You have to initiate almost everything Hugs? You hug first. Handholding? You reach out to him. Confessions? You seriously thought he’d be the one to confess first??

Satan

Pros

Similar to Lucifer he’d be good at helping you get your life together and putting you on the right track

Unlike Lucifer, he’d actively make time for date nights and/or hangouts multiple times a week wether your going out for dinner or reading in front of the fireplace

While he himself might not be best at helping with comfort in the moment, he’d be great to turn to if you needed a long time treatment (you need a therapist? He’s got the best three in your area that you can afford and he found some helpful things you can do in this book)

Cons

As stated previously, he’s not the best with comfort, which can be an issue if you need a friend/partner who can be your biggest source of comfort (I’m not saying he’ll do nothing, it’ll just be kinda awkward ig)

If you vent to him about something he’ll always offer advice and while that can be good, sometimes all you want is someone to listen to you and getting advice can be annoying in the moment

I feel like hanging out with him you’d rarely ever get to talk about pointless things, everything would be serious you know? And while serious and deep conversations are good for bonding, some people (myself included) need to be able to talk about dumb things without having it turn philosophical

Asmo

Pros

He’s the best at boosting your confidence, there’s no competition

He’s more into spontaneous outings (he suddenly got the urge to go shopping, your coming with right?)

You can talk about just about anything with him, no judgment and he’ll never speak a word of it to anyone else if you don’t want him to (although he may brag to his brothers that you told him your secrets)

High emotional IQ

Cons

He has set things of things he’s interested in and his idea of trying the things your into is doing whatever it is for about 5 seconds then deciding it’s not for him

He cares a lot about looks, I don’t mean he’ll hate you or insult you cause he thinks your ugly, I mean he’ll constantly try to do your makeup, hair, and nails and he’ll always say things like “Your hair is a bit messy today, did you brush it? Yes? Well not good enough, let me do it” and “your wearing that out? There’s nothing wrong with it, I just think you’d look a lot cuter in this” and if your anything like me, that’ll get on your nerves a lot

While he’s great with emotional issues, if it’s a problem with anything like school or your job he’ll have no solution to offer, all you’ll get is a “You can do it!” and a good luck kiss

Narcissistic, need I say more?

Beel

Pros

He’s the best person to vent to, no judgment and tons of hugs and comfort food

He’s a mom friend, no explanation needed

Very supportive and always concerned for your health

Your in trouble? Call beel, he’ll help you and make sure your home safe before questioning you and will only lecture you out of love (unlike a certain older brother that will lecture you because “Your tarnishing Diavlo’s reputation by acting out like this. Your an exchange student, you must abide by the rules and behave yourself.”)

Cons

Food is his answer to everything (Sad?Food. Injured? Food. School’s stressful? Food plus a little help studying) and while food can be good for comfort, sometimes you need him to provide more than a snack

He’s the opposite of Satan in the sense that he’ll almost never offer advice when you rant to him, he just assumes getting it all out is help enough and won’t offer much more then a hug and food

Not getting along with one of his brothers? “They can be a handful, but they’re great people once you learn to handle the chaos” yeah he rarely thinks what his brothers did is a big deal so he gives you advice on how to apologize and get past it and he’ll give you food

Belphie (he really does attract the mentally ill people huh-)

Cons

I feel like he’d be good for certain people with social anxiety and people who have issues with always being scared about being a bad person (“you think your a bad person and are becoming more and more toxic by the day? Well your a better person than Lucifer that’s for sure, wether or not your toxic were going to cuddle now get in bed” or “your worried everyone is constantly staring and judging you for everything you do? Well I don’t really care about what your wearing or the way you walk so I doubt they do either, can we go home now?” ((Side note, I experience both of these issues and his uncaring personality would calm me, which is why I think this one of his pros))

He just wouldn’t care about whatever type of life style you lead and as someone who’s constantly scared of being judged for their lifestyle this would be amazing (“you sleep all the time? Same let’s nap together” “You don’t eat very healthy? Whatever, it’s fine, can we sleep now?” ((although it is a double edged sword))

He gets a burst of energy and just does the most random things (you see that tree? He’s already climbed half way up it. That petting zoo? He’s already feeding the lambs. That store? He’s already spent 30 grim)

Cons

Just like his twin he thinks every problem has one solution, but instead of food he thinks the solution is sleep (your sick? Sleep is the best medicine. A lot of homework? If you sleep you don’t have to think about it.)

At some point he just doesn’t care enough, if you come to him with a serious issue he’ll half listen to you rant then pull you down to sleep

He teases you a lot, which is fine teasing is fun, but he takes it too far. Maybe he touched on something your insecure about or he was too merciless, whatever it was, he won’t apologize for it, he just thinks your being sensitive. If he brought up some bad memories he’ll consider it, but his way of apologizing is cuddling

He doesn’t wanna do something? You guys aren’t gonna do it. You don’t wanna do something? Too bad, he wants to so your gonna.

I’m sorry this is so long- I tried to shorten it I swear- but anyway if you disagree I’m with anything, I wanna hear what you think

And even tho Beel doesn’t get much screen time and more serious moments, I think his character is way more then hunger

Random but I wanna add that other then Levi I kin Tamaki from mha and Ranpo from bsd

Dude do you just like torturing poor college students? This is so much to read, I’m about to cry 😭

I agree with the Lucifer part actually! Tho I do kinda thing he’s be good emotion support in some ways, for me, anyway. I feel like he may lack empathy that is needed in a stable relationship. Yes, he may be able to tell you with shit and honestly, he’d book my doctors appointments when I’m too anxious too so yknow. But yeah

Also agree with mammon. He’s a jackass when he wants to be, and I know he may not mean it, but his words are still hurtful in a lot of ways and he just can’t convey those emotions that’re needed in a loving relationship. But he’s so sweet and will show you off so it’s all good~

As much as I love Levi, I agree. He manipulates and guilt trips you throughout the entire game. It can’t be healthy in relationships but that don’t stop me from loving that sweet otaku boy 😔🖤

I agree with Satan too. I don’t have much to say but he’s avatar of wrath for a reason, for a start, and he honestly looks like he’d prefer talking about books than that funny thing that happened in class that made you laugh earlier

Agreed with Asmo too. Sometimes he may just get overbearing and the narcissism and the constant need to make you look better and improve you may get irritating

I agree with Beel. I don’t think he can comprehend that food isn’t an answer to everything and as a person who doesn’t cope with food and relatively hates it, he won’t be any help to me emotionally. He’s so sweet but he just won’t give you that proper support

I love Belphie so so much but I absolutely agree. He’s one of the most unbothered brothers who won’t care what you look like, yes, but that also means compliments may come rarely and like his twin, “sleep is the answer to everything” I can admit I like to sleep but I have a manic side that comes with insomnia and if he’s dragging me down and not letting me move and I just cannot sleep, I’m gonna get irritated and pissed off.

This got a bit long on my end too. I just really liked how you worded this and it was fun to see pros and cons of the ‘perfect’ brothers

I think Beel is more than food too, but I just don’t particularly like him either way cuz I’m not really a foodie so I can’t relate with him lmao

[moonscngsarchive]

bitch do every single one of our ships u feel like doing for that last meme thank u

i bet u thought i forgot hoe .... u rly thought huh !

 ok. .. . . besley first. 

who hogs the duvet: beck oof

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: ummmm i feel like neither? i feel like they would eventually become big on letting the other know that they were safe somewhere when they’re apart for some reason ? the inner machinations of my mind r an enigma.... but i know blake texts him stupid shit like “today is the new moon have u set and manifested your intentions” at 3:45 on a wednesday NO ONE ASKED!!! 

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: BLAKE i’m sorry beck

who gets up first in the morning: prob beck.... blake stays up all night looking @ her real tru luv (the moon) 

who suggests new things in bed: i don’t feel like either one of them would be like “👉👈 can we....” i rly feel like they both just wing it 100% of the time

who cries at movies: blake :/ 

who gives unprompted massages: beck ?? i think. unless he had a rly rough show or smth then blake would try to be nice.  

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: this is probably a time both of them would be sweet to the other.... so i say both here. they’re the most comfortable w/ each other when one of them is weaker akdmsfaksmgadsf

who gets jealous easiest: BOTH!! but beck . it’s beck.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: i feel like beck has secret favorites. blake takes herself too seriously fmadsfmam

who collects something unusual: i feel like beckham probably collects beer tabs or broken glass idk he scares me

who takes the longest to get ready: blake. and then she’ll just decide not to go lmao.

who is the most tidy and organised: u m blake no question

who gets most excited about the holidays: neither, they both don’t believe in commercialism/pagan tradition but i know blake puts up a xmas tree

who is the big spoon/little spoon: beck is big spoon :-)

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: BOOOOOTHHHHHHHHH OF THEM. i feel like blake normally wouldn’t be competitive against anyone BUT beckham. 

who starts the most arguments: lmao..... it’s a toss up. a shit show luv xx

who suggests that they buy a pet: blake would just bring one home. it would be a stray with one eyeball and mange and she would be like “this is my grandma from a past life that is astral projecting into this dog and she lives here now”

what couple traditions they have: i imagine in my head on every anniversary (they probably don’t know an exact date, so rotate picking one day out of the year that they choose is their anniversary like the queen does w her bday fkasdmf) they go find an old abandoned road and try drive quick enough to see the other side of the moon or go see a show at the venue they met @ : ) idk i feel like they try. also their tradition is acting like they don’t like each other.

what tv shows they watch together: i thought abt this so hard. i know they watch unsolved mysteries, probably twin peaks. i also feel like blake likes to watch the crown to fact check everything and beck acts like he hates it but then starts asking her questions. 

what other couple they hang out with: is this... even a question. savannah & brooks ! 

how they spend time together as a couple: fighting or being really nice. no in between. also making fun of other ppl.

who made the first move: did we decide that? KMFDKSMGANS i feel like it was mutual. probably beckham though.

who brings flowers home: neither. lol

who is the best cook: blake ! i feel like she would rly try :( and beck probably burns jello 

BAVANNAH !! 

who hogs the duvet: brooks and he denies it

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: i feel like both do. they’re annoying and r probably like “how are u? where are u at today? what do u need from me?” hate them

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: i feel like brooks would rly try but savannah would obliterate him. they probably have competitions every year and he continuously loses. 

who gets up first in the morning: brooks, for sure. he never sleeps. stays up too late and wakes up too early and has a coffee iv somwhere probably.

who suggests new things in bed: brooks most likely lmao they probably don’t have sex until they’re 36 tho

who cries at movies: my angel ms savannah . and brooks puts it on his instagram story

who gives unprompted massages: brooks, probably, just 2 ****

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: savannah !! i know it in my heart. brooks always thinks he’s dying.

who gets jealous easiest: BROOOOOOOOKS

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: savannah :/ i’m sry girly

who collects something unusual: i feel like savannah collected weird stuff as a kid fkasmdfasm idk where that vibe came from but i’m sticking w it

who takes the longest to get ready: savannah again..... mdmfmdfm

who is the most tidy and organised: SAVANNAH .A;D,FSKDF IM SORRY. brooks is privileged and had a maid i know he leaves his shit everywhere.

who gets most excited about the holidays: ok i do feel like this is both of them.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: brooks is a very secretive little spoon and makes savannah sign an NDA that she won’t tell beck

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: brooks !! is!! very!! competitive!!!

who starts the most arguments: um .  brooks again he’s an aries

who suggests that they buy a pet: this is savannah : - ) i love her

what couple traditions they have: idk abt traditions but i feel like they probably have a lot of rituals... like he has to play w her hair for her to fall asleep or smth. now i’m emo.

what tv shows they watch together: i know they watch gilmore girls together i kNOWWW ITTTT and brooks probably made her watch breaking bad.

what other couple they hang out with: if u know u know he heh eheh

how they spend time together as a couple: very touchy feely, a lot of affirmation, naps and watching tv, probably staying up too late playing board games or watching home movies from when they were kids

who made the first move: um literally neither and that’s the worst part

who brings flowers home: brooks ! ! !

who is the best cook: savannah bc brooks is again privileged 

ok last but not least.... brasher :/ i’m scared

who hogs the duvet: they have separate duvets like europeans to avoid conflict 🥰 but brynn probably just gets underneath asher’s anyway

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: both ! i feel like both of their days are really busy, so it probably varies but i know they both do

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: also feel like this could be both. i feel like they’re both sentimental, but brynn is probably more creative. 

who gets up first in the morning: asher for sure. brynn pulls all nighters all the time.

who suggests new things in bed: also think this is asher akmfmsadf brynn is vanilla

who cries at movies: brynn omg 

who gives unprompted massages: again i think this is brynn ? asher’s always stressed lmao

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: BOTH and they’re both big weenies

who gets jealous easiest: asher when they were younger, brynn as adults.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: dis brynn. she still loves abba ?? ?

who collects something unusual: brynn collects 100 yr old diaries of strangers from thrift shops bc she thinks they’re romantic and asher thinks they’re all haunted

who takes the longest to get ready: probably brynn bc she procrastinates 

who is the most tidy and organised: this is probably asher. brynn is unknowinging slob, she has to be really intentional abt cleaning up after herself akdsmfaskmd her mind just moves too quick ! 

who gets most excited about the holidays: brynn x29389283. she decorates and goes all out.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: i feel like brynn is just always laying on asher somehow, idk abt cuddling but she’s just always koala’d on him. 

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: they’re both competitive, they’re fire signs y i k e s 

who starts the most arguments: asher :( sowwy

who suggests that they buy a pet: idk why but i feel like this is asher. brynn probably is too anxious abt giving a pet a good life akmfdkamf

what couple traditions they have: date nights r probably big and they’re probably always leaving handwritten notes to each other 🥺

what tv shows they watch together: they’re probably really into limited series documentaries and get really offended when the other watches an ep without them. i also think they rly like bbc kamdfkasdmf

what other couple they hang out with: they’re hermits prob but mabye one of asher’s clients? ? ? idk.

how they spend time together as a couple: i feel like ever since they lost time while they were apart, they just like to literally be around each other even if it’s doing nothing. that made me emo adkfmadsf. they prob like going on night drives like when they were younger.

who made the first move: back in the day ?? asher for sure.

who brings flowers home: :( i feel like they both bring home things for each other. also this question feels sexist idk why

who is the best cook: i honestly don’t know bc brynn is always moving so fast and asher is rich so ... .. . i’m stumped. neither? 

[emu-lumberjack]

A Text, A Mess, and Some Cookies

Newt wasn’t expecting to hear From April today, or really ever. so when he gets a text from her obviously he’ll help. plus he’ll do a little extra.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Ok so this has been bugging me for about a week, and I decided to finally write it out, it’s just OC work so not any fandom stuff. I feel like this comes in the middle of the characters development so yeah. I want to post it because why not, also just as backround April only likes being called Ril by close friends or family. which is also explained in my head earlier in the story. oh yeah did I mention that this is like the middle of it in my head. anyway here y’all are.

I wasn’t expecting to get the text from April, but sure enough there was her contact picture. It was one she had taken herself when they first met, she had one eye closed was holding up a peace sign and her tongue was sticking out. I loved it, it was so her and not that facade she puts up  around other people where she was perfectly polite and kind. 

Hey, you wouldn’t by chance be at your house? And have Advil present would you? 

Strange request but you’re in luck I’m both home and have advil present 

Thank you! Would you mind bringing it over? You can come through the deck and my room, I’m kinda currently couch ridden.

 I’ll be over in 2

 I went to the kitchen and grabbed the Advil, at this point, I trusted her enough that she legitimately needed it and she wasn’t just trying to annoy the crap out of me.

Once I got through the door I noticed her room was really messy When was the last time she cleaned? I thought to myself, walking through the hallway to the living room wasn’t much better. There were laundry baskets all around with stacks of books and papers thrown in periodically. Walking into the living room I noticed the smell coming from the garbage, not pleasant. The kitchen was right next door and even from a brief glance, I could tell the dishes were piled up high. 

“Hey” a smaller voice than I was used to came from the couch. I walked around to see April with a heating pad pressed to her stomach and a blanket covering her legs, it was then that I realized how cold it was in here.

 “Sorry for the mess, I haven’t exactly been feeling great the last few days.”

 I handed her the Advil and said, “this isn’t exactly a few days worth of mess.” 

“Yeah I know, it’s been a harder few weeks, it’s just most people buy the few days act.” 

“Too bad for you I’m not most people, do you want water for the Advil?” 

“That would actually be awesome.” I walked into the kitchen and my initial feeling about the it was correct, it was a total mess. How she lived like this I had no idea. Fast as I could I grabbed the last clean glass from the cabinet and got some water into it. Walking back I noticed the stains on the counter. 

“Here you go April.” 

“Have I mentioned your a lifesaver?” she cracked a small smile and downed the Advil. 

“So you want to tell me what’s up with the getup?” I motioned to the sweats plus heating pad plus blanket combo. 

“Well uh… let’s just say having two X-chromosomes sucks ass, and this time is particularly bad. I forgot to start taking Advil when I initially felt the symptoms and by the time I really needed it, I couldn’t find any. I was actually looking for a solid half hour before I texted you. Thanks again by the way, sorry I had to text you in the first place.” She looked up at me, and I swear I had never seen her that tired. 

“Hey it’s completely fine I had nothing to do today anyway, you know me the most exciting thing I was planning today was sorting out my colored pens for the fourteenth time today.” we both chuckled at that. 

“Well if you don’t have anything to do want to come to watch the new episode of Doctor Who with me? I recorded it last night I hear that the new fan theory is the Master coming back.” 

“Scooch over you’ve got me invested now.” She sat up and motioned for me to sit where her head had been lying seconds before. 

“I bet you a batch of cookies the Master doesn’t actually show up.” 

“Oh, I’ll take that bet. Chocolate chip is my favorite by the way.” She was looking better but she still looked absolutely exhausted. Over the episode, I guess we must have drifted closer because at about 20 minutes in I felt a small weight on my shoulder. When I looked over I saw April sleeping softly with her head resting right where the small weight was I think that was the first time I’d ever seen her truely asleep. I moved a strand of blonde hair out of her face, she looked so much younger sleeping. I never really noticed before how much stress she carried with her until it was gone. That’s when I got the idea to help ease her stress, if just for a little. 

Careful not to wake her up I gently laid her back down on the couch, before I did anything  I turned off the heating pad and moved it to the table. I started by taking out the trash, then I worked through the kitchen doing the dishes and cleaning the stained countertop. I quickly realized I’d probably have to bring cleaning supplies from my house but that wouldn’t be too much of an issue. I listened to the episode as I worked, and it was on one of my supply runs that I added to my mental checklist to see what she had here for baking and what I needed to bring over. Quickly the kitchen looked less and less like a tornado had just ripped through it, and more like someone just needed to vacuum, which I would do once, she got up. Once most of the kitchen was done I started on the cookies. She had most of the stuff for the recipe so I only had to bring over chocolate chips and brown sugar. While they were in the oven I started tackling the hallway. 

--------------------------------------------------------- 

Why does it smell like heaven was my first thought upon waking up, then I remembered. Newt, Advil, Doctor Who. Wait did I fall asleep? Shit! I hated falling asleep in front of people, but I guess the 4 closing shifts combined with the 2 doubles I’d done finally caught up with me. I went to stand up thankful to notice the cramp was finally done, those are probably in my top ten painful experiences and this was definitely one of the worst ones.

 I followed my nose to the kitchen where I saw Newt of all people scrubbing at a mixing bowl, chocolate chip cookies stood on a cooling rack a pleasant vanilla scent rang through the kitchen. In my groginess it took me a moment but I finally noticed that the counter was, clean? When did that happen? I must have made a noise because Newt turned around from his cleaning.

 “Look whose finally awake, have a nice nap?” He tried to put in our usual sarcasm but I could tell it was really just a joke rather than our normal banter. 

“Uh.. yeah. I actually really needed that. One question though, when did this,” I motioned to the clean kitchen, “happen. Because the last thing I remember the Doctor Who theme was playing and it smelled like someone just died in here.” 

“Yeah, so you fell asleep about a third of the way through the episode. I personally wanted to keep watching but the smell was just so bad so I took out the trash, then I realized if you were right I was gonna need space to bake cookies, so I started doing the dishes.” It sounded true enough, but I still smelled something funny, something he wasn’t telling me about. “Then well I couldn’t really walk through the hallway when I came in so I just tidied that up a little, and I needed a place to sit on the couch, so I also put that stuff up and cleaned that a little. I didn’t want to wake you up so I left the vacuuming up to you.”  

 “And the cookies?” “Oh you were right, it was such a twist ending.” there was a twinkle in his eyes and he smiled at me. I gave him one right back. 

“See I told you, anyway I’m sad I missed it.” 

“Ya know I was busy doing this I was only able to listen to the episode, I didn’t get to watch. How bout we rewind it and watch it together? This time both of us staying awake.”

 “Sounds like a plan. How bout you go get it set up, and bring the cookies out and I’ll finish cleaning up. You’ve already done so much.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah tho I think you should take the cookies out of the oven, I have a bad habit of over baking them.” 

“That I remember.” we both gave a shudder of the burned cookie fiasco of October. He produced a cookie platter where he got it I have no idea and started putting cookies on it, I finished up with the mixing bowl and cleaned the electric mixer, there really wasn’t a lot to do after all Newt had done a lot.”

 “Hey Ril which remote is it?” He called from the living room

 “The silver one.” I hollered back. A second later I realized what he called me, and I think he did too because I swear there was complete silence even from the birds outside. 

“Uh… Sorry I didn’t realize if----” he began from the other room.

“It’s fine don’t worry bout it Newt.” A breath and we were all back to normal or at least our version of normal. 

Newt came back in a few minutes later, the timer on his phone must’ve gone off because he was getting the cookies out of the oven. I’m not too proud to admit that when he did I followed the cookies with my nose, they smelled amazing. 

“Careful, these are still really hot.” So he did see me eyeing the cookies. 

“There are cooler ones out on the living room table.”

 “Yeah, but they aren’t as gooey.” I tried to sneak my arm past him to grab one, but hegrabbed my wrist and directed me away from the too hot tray. 

“You’re no fun.” 

“And you’re gonna get burned. At least let me move them to the cooling tray first.” 

“Fine.” I sighed heavily. Once he did I grabbed the cookie sheet and dumped it in the sink to clean it, when that was done I looked over to see the still cooling cookies. Newt had his back turned, so I obviously did the only reasonable thing. I grabbed a cookie and started eating it. “Mhmmm. That is the best cookie I’ve ever had.”

 “High praise coming from the picky eater herself.” back to our usual sarcasm, I could work with this. 

“Well you see, there are slight imbalances with the salt to sugar ratio. I feel as though it’s a little too sweet.” 

“Oh, you’re so full of shit.” We looked at each other and broke out laughing. 

“Come on let’s go finish the show. I’ve got to know how right I was about the Master.” 

“Oh like only nine percent.” 

“Nine?” I raised an eyebrow. 

“Ty.” 

“That sounds more like it.” he gave a laugh, one I don’t usually hear on it’s own. It was quick but real, one that’s hard to place but will infect anyone around them with happiness. I like seeing that laugh.

[the-little-red-noodle]

10/11/18 7:47

okay, lets talk. 

Ive had an emotional 24 hours. I’ve been anxious, i’ve been insecure, i’ve been angry and sad and hurt and manic and crazy and i need to get it out so i can fucking cleanse and move into my weekend.

It started with spencer, what like, 2 nights ago now? i dont remember when it was, but i was getting insecure and noticing how i was affecting him. it was yesterday, cuz it was wednesday. i was insecure and didnt want him to leave my room and i think i really stressed him out because i just wanted him to stay and say the things i wanted to hear, but that isnt reality. he cant read my mind, he cant know what i need to hear, thats why i need to communicate and not just suck into myself and away from him, but i didnt want to do that because i didnt want to be crazy, but then i got crazy and i made him kinda late because he dropped by at 3:30 and only expected to stay till 4 but he left at 6:27 as i needed to go to my 6:30 lab.. so i feel bad but i just agh i couldnt let him leave when i didnt feel good..

i didnt feel good because we talked about politics. he got me going on the wage gap, so i got heated talking about the misconceptions and he was (respectfully) arguing with me because he is suuupperrrr super liberal, very very left, very socialist, and he’s a politics major, so he’s well versed and i get that going in, but i also wanted to share my side because im fairly moderate; i dont believe in a lot of feminist rhetoric, or the wage gap stuff. i read the study, and it bothers me that people misuse the statistics to say that women get paid less for the same job, because that is NOT what the study found. The point was that women take different kinds of jobs than men and tend to work less hours and have less education and qualifications. THAT is the ‘feminist’ issue, not paying women less for the same job because thats illegal and cant happen. 

Heres the thing. I know there are sexist issues in our society. i know that it is harder for women than it is for men. but frankly, i feel better ignoring it as much as i can. i feel like if we keep telling women than they shouldnt be scientists because its a man job, or that society tells women that they need a leg up, because then we start believing it and internalizing and thinking we are less than men. i feel like if we just stopped talking about it, i wouldnt know that there was a gender discrepancy and id feel totally normal getting into stem. i dont want to feel like im some anomaly. and frankly yes, i notice sometimes. i notice the gender divide in stem. of fucking course i see it. i know that there are men in my neuroscience lab who think i dont know shit. im not blind, i know the STEM field is misogynistic. i know it is. but i dont like to subscribe to the feminist thing that im so held down and its because im a woman. but thats just me

anyway, my babe is very liberal and he was listening of course but also making sure i knew that the problems im ignoring are still there, which i appreciate but i also get kinda irritated with hyper liberal men because it sounds kinda guilty? like listening to a straight white man say that straight white men are the problem, annoys me. like yes thats true, but also ugh its annoying. i hate the men shame that feminism encourages.

so we kinda went back and forth for a while, which like, good that we can have real conversations, and politics is something that will inevitably come up, but as the conversation went on, i started getting insecure and anxious because confrontation scares me. not that he was really even confronting me? like spencer is such a sweet man, he’s gentle and kind and supportive and so sweet to me, and i know politics is literally his thing, and im glad that he’s super liberal as opposed to the other end. cuz like ya i am a queer woman and im glad that he seems like a strong advocate for minority groups like that, so like im glad, but i also started to feel like he was frustrated with me for like being ill informed.

 heres the thang tho, im not really ill informed. ive done my research, i watch the news, and im a big fan of shoe0nhead which admittedly is very moderate bias media, but its content i agree with. and i was telling him that im fairly moderate, and he was like ya i can tell, and i was like and politics isnt really my thing, and he was like ya i can tell. but i didnt mean that like i didnt understand politics, i meant it as like i try not to really get into the conversation (partially because of sarah lawrence)

no wait i did tell him that. i told him how involved i was in social justice stuff in new york, that i literally led the anti Trump protest in NYC after he was elected. and when i told him that, he got all dreamy eyed like it was so attractive that his girlfriend was an activist, which is cute n whatever, cuz everything he does is cute..

the point is, that after this conversation i was insecure because i felt like he would be mad at me (he wasn’t) or that he would hate me (he doesn’t). and i know that logically of course, but still... ugh idk, the conversation just got me riled up and then he had to leave town for the whole weekend and i was feeling like we wouldnt have enough time to resolve it

but he kept saying everything was fine, that he wasn’t mad, that he might disagree, but still loves me duh. and i know he meant it, but u know when you get in your head and youre like shit i said too much, and now he will never look at me the same because we slightly disagree about politics, like my moms dating a republican and they reallllyyy disagree on politics, like i will be fine! whats yer issue self?

but ya so i just felt insecure, and i know he was trying to comfort me even tho i didnt let on thaaat much that i was hurting. i feel like when people i love get confrontational with me (which again, he wasn’t) i get upset and my heart feels heavy and it hurts and i want them to leave and i would have just ended our hangout because we both had places to be and whatever we’ll deal with it later, but i knew he was leaving tonight and was gunna be busy and we couldnt deal with it so i was scared and when my attachment feels insecure, i get SO insecure. hahahaaaa i was thinking this relationship would be any different? gurl.

but heres the thing, he is.. he’s fine. he doesnt think anything is wrong and he’s still my sweet pea boyfriend. and i know that now, because i did get to say goodbye in a good re-establishing way tonight.

i knew he was leaving after his class at 6:30 tonight and i was nervous because i knew he was gunna be busy with packing up and everything.

i ran into him walking to class and we were fine and kissy and cute and i love him but as we were parting i was like can i say goodbye before you leave, but i dont think he heard me cuz he didnt really respond because we were diverging and he was giving me his sweet boy eyes with an outstretched arm as we parted and i was like shit im still insecurrrreeee

so i texted him during the first class like “hey i meant cant i say goodbye before you hit the road but sounds like yer gunna be busy so have a great weekend baby i love you!” and i meant it, i wanted to end on a good note but then he didnt respond all day, and my anxiety was mounting and i spent the rest of today in my room doing nothing but stressing about him. stressing about a boy, nothing new for me.

but eventually i got really tired and took a real nap, i had accepted that i wouldnt see him again.. sad.. i woke up at like 7:15 and i was like hmm let me see if his car is still here, ya know, cuz im crazy. i went downstairs to fill up my water bottle and his car was still in the parking lot. so ya know, i text him, cuz im crazy. and i was like drive safe babe <3 and then as i got back to my room there he was outside my door with bags in his arm to pack up his car and i was so effing relieved to see him. we hugged and kissed and he seemed genuinely happy to see me and i was so happy to get to have a moment with him before he left.

i walked him down to his car, and filled up his water bottle for him and once everything was in his car, he just kissed me.. and i know im a hopeless romantic, but i was so happy to just kiss him and feel his lips smiling and feel his arms around me and hear him giggle and be adorable.. 

my heart still hurts, but it’s different now. my heart hurts because I miss him. i already miss him even though he only just left. he’ll be gone until monday night and i might not even see him then because he’ll be exhausted, which is fair. but now im sad because ill just miss him. i know he’ll be camping and among friends and nerding out on his larping camp vacation is fresno. of course ill miss him.. because i love him..

as we were kissing by his car i was like be safe (cuz his larping thing is basically nerd war with foam weapons) and he was like “yeah i will, cant wait to see you when i get back”, and i was like yeah babe ill be here to patch you back together when you get back, and he kinda laughed at me and was like “i dont think that’ll be your intention when i get back” implying that ill probably just want to rough him up immediately when i see him like i usually do. which made me really really happy to hear cuz it was like acknowleding that everythings still good and we’re still crazy about each other and we’ll just want to fuck as soon as he’s home which is sweet to me, like to me thats such a sweet sentiment. and i just got so happy that he in his own way reminded me that like we’re still on a good track, and we’re still happy, and he still loves me, ya know?

and also as we were hugging and kissing i started scratching his back how he likes and he sorta moaned and was like “ugh im really gunna miss this.. like im gunna miss you of course, but im gunna miss your back scratches” and that made me happy.. 

he just makes me happy.. i really love him and i’m really grateful that i got to have this brief reconnection with him before he left town till monday.. 4 days without him is gunna suck, but i know he’s gunna be busy and probably not have service and be off the grid so we won’t talk unless he reaches out. but i will manage. he managed for 4 days while i was camping, so i can manage while he is nerd camping

omigod that reminds me how much i love him, again. he’s nerd camping. ugh i adore him

he was like babe you gotta come next time so we can get drunk and fight together and he was all smiley like he really wants to show me off at his nerd event which is so sweet.. and as he walked me back to the dorm entrance cuz i forgot my key, he called me his girlfriend, and even though its small, its something.. i’ll take it. 

i needed that brief little reconnection. the next 4 days i will have to detox. i have events planned like every day, so i’ll be fine. im gunna see my friends tomorrow and saturday night and i have chapter on sunday and should probably spend some time alone writing and detoxing and getting back to myself and feeling independent. 

i want time to shower and braid my hair and brush my teeth and feed my body good food and watch youtube and write. i need to stay writing. i need to keep journaling because i know how much it helps me. i need to get my emotions out and analyze why the things that upset me get to me. whats the root of the problem and how to get through it. i need that.

i was and still am so frustrated with myself that i got so insecure over one political conversation with spencer. like... thats a problem, ya know? 

and at least now that he’s out of town for the whole weekend, i dont really have an excuse for being anxious about seeing him? cuz he just drops by and i never know when cuz he doesnt text me first. like literally tonight as we were kissing outside my room he was like i came by earlier but you werent home, and i was like oh shit i was taking a nap and i slept through him coming to visit me :(( which is like oh my god that would have been so sad if i didnt get to see him on his way out because i was literally asleep! 

his dropping by, while its the cutest ever because it just like him wanting to see me, its also kind of stressful because i never know when its gunna happen, so whenever im home, im kind of anxious because he could drop in at any second, and of course i get happy when he does because then i get to see my baby, but alsoooooo it means i cant really indulge in my personal space because it could be interupted at any moment, and as i found out tonight, i cant take naps because then i could miss him :(

thats probably something we should discuss at some point, because it creates anxiety for me that is related to spencer, and i want to eliminate any bad vibes from my relationship

relationship.. he’s my boyfriend.. ohmigod wuuuuuuut im still shocked that he wanted to boo me up this much.. he’s so sweet and cute and nerdy ugh

i love him.. i need to get over this dumb insecurity that comes from mild confrontation? that wasnt even confrontation??

so lets remember the things to look forward to about this relationship

he loves me. he claims me proudly as his girlfriend. he wants to bring me to belegarth events, even this day one in san diego where he’d bring me home and introduce me to his home friends which is pretty huge.. he’s sweet, he likes spending time with me and he drops by frequently and stays for hours.. we’re good, and i know i sound crazy needing to convince myself, but thats because i dont want to bug him to validate me, especially not when he has this big event that he’s so excited for. and i want him to be excited for his event and feel secure with me, because of course i love him and want to be with him.

10:53pm i keep taking breaks from the journaling, i get distracted really easy, watching youtube and texting people.. trying to be social, its hard for me. also trying to bury my spencer texts, just cuz i know im crazy and i want to try to not think about him..

do i go walk down to the cooler to get food? or should i just subside on whatevers in my fridge.. also i really should fill up my tank.. and calculate the gas so my friends can reimburse me.. sigh

anyway, i think im feeling mostly better after yesterday. like obviously im still gunna think about it, and ill always worry if spencers as invested as me, but i gotta take it with the context that he was the one who pursued me and crushed on me from day one and wanted to date me and wanted to be exclusive with me and wanted to call me his girlfriend.. he says he loves me and he comes to visit me all the time and spends his free time with me.. he’s a sweet pea and i shouldnt be insecure about it

and not to be cryptic, but what am i even worried about? part of me was reluctant to even get into a relationship, and was supposed to be single and focusing on myself and if anything, dating women. i accidentally caught feels for an amazingly sweet nerd man, and believe me im happy about it. i love spending time with spencer and loving on him. but to be cryptic for just a second.. worst case scenario? he’s just not interested anymore and we break up. sooo? ya that would suck, and i would be heartbroken, but i would also be okay because i have good friends and the whole point of breaking up with ryan was to be single.. so..

anyway, i should probably wrap up this journal entry cuz its long and all over the place

omigod he just texted me

aww he’s letting me know that he got to his thing safely and he loves me

seeee he’s a sweet bean, yall are fine, can you chill now? he’s so into you and you dont need to be insecure about this right now

and wow i sound crazy writing this much, i’ve literally been writing for hours. i know i need to journal more, and this is literally just stream of consciousness for hours and hours.. alright, ima end here and do hw maybe..

stay grateful. stay happy. life is good, you are blessed. friends are good. boyfriend is good. school is good for now kinda haha but i need to stay positive! yes i have bad days, yes i have low points, yes i get insecure and sad and upset and lonely. but i am so very lucky to be alive and to be surrounded by support and love and to feel and give love freely. i am lucky to have found friends i can trust. i am lucky to still have my close friends from beyond this year of oxy. i am beyond lucky to have an incredible man in my life. and also its halloween season which means lots of fun family stuff and so many fun parties on and off campus and looking forward to showing off my jessica rabbit costume and seeing spencers cowboy beebop costume and just drooling over each other ^-^ 

it is going to be a great rest of this month, and after this is november, which means thanksgiving and family stuff, and better fall weather hopefully and that means getting spencer to wear more sweaters.. mmmph and then after that is december which means holiday season, and more family stuff, and of course, finding a time to see spencer and be cozy and watch christmas movies and again, get him into more sweaters.. mmmmmmmph yes babe

there is so much to look forward to!! events and planning christmas presents for people omigod im gunna start that note on my phone, theres so much to do!! cuz i also have so many new great friends for this holiday season which means more presents for people which im always excited about :) and getting to watch my puppy grow up and see my family and take in the quality time together <3 

i am loved. i am blessed. i am grateful. i want to spread love and positive vibes and happiness and love! so much love :)

okay. that’s all for tonight. shower, brush teeth, go to sleep. take care of yourself. LOVE