#I really do gotta write the nicer things for the au lmao I gotta be nice to claude 4 once

[chimerahyperfix]

You are a scientist. You like testing theories, making hypothesis. Working with dangerous materials that get you scolded. You are a scientist, and you are also a writer! You’ve swung at a few things before: sappy poems, work papers, crab, you’ve even attempted a horror short at Mirabelle’s inquiry. You’re favorite thing to write, though, are just basic letters.

You like to write letters. It's easier, to you, to write your thoughts on a piece of paper and hide it somewhere the recipient can find than to tell them what you think face-first. You’ve done it for years, long before you even came to the House to learn about the Change religion. A childhood habit that’s rolled over through your life like a wave on the sea.

So, of course, when time begins to loop, you write. Many, many letters. They all get lost to time when it twists back, and now, many loops in, that leaves a hole in your heart and a spot in your brain you can’t itch, for the words of each letter are mostly forgotten before you fight the King. It’s… fine, you guess? You can word things as many ways as you need to. Anything described can be described some more, after all.

For the first handful of loops, you wrote the same letters. Rather sappy, lovey things, your specialty. The furthest depths of your heart smeared onto a page for eternity, for you love and love and love, and you want those around you to know it.

Though as time trudges on, the same twenty four hours over and over in a nice single circuit built for it to run through, built by wishes and stars and twisted leaf-baring branches, so do your thoughts; therefore your letters move so, too, to adapt. More theoretical things. Questions. Ifs, ands ors buts and whys. Sadder ones after the bad loops, wailing and endlessly upset and mourning those who froze and those who were killed for standing in the King's way.

They get angrier as time goes on. More enraged. Wrath melts into the corners, edges fold and tear and warp under the weight. You stop delivering them, because you're here in this time loop hell to protect the ones you love, and you'd just make it worse if you gave them a letter like that.

You write a scathing letter, once. You write it after an absolutely abysmal loop, ending with blood and tears and probably the loudest you've ever screamed. It flows onto the page easily, and you leave it out on your desk, because you were hungry and hadn't eaten that loop with how beside yourself stressed you were.

Mirabelle finds it. Asks you, quite worried, if you're okay. You must've said something, and it had to be bad, because she flinched away from you like you'd tried to light her ablaze.

You panicked. Time looped.

Never again.

You hide them, after that. Shoved in your pillowcases or in piles of books, stacks of other papers. In the barrels. When you write only one or two you shove them in a bottle and push them to the back of your potions.

You're a shedding snake, a leopard changing its spots. Time is your prisoner and you are it's, and that melts into you as a human being until you are flesh and blood and twenty four hours that shouldn't continue.

Words spill from you, your mind, onto the page. You don't read them anymore. Just write and write and write, and tuck them away and pray no one finds them. You long for the days you could sit and write sappy love letters-- and sometimes, you still do them, but they're tinged with something, regret or rage or the absolute despair you feel, they're wrong, so they're tucked away as well. Letters just wrong, noticeably so. You’d be asked what’s wrong. Cornered. You can hear it now, “What’s wrong? What does this mean?” And all you can think of is the horrors you’ve seen.

One of these loops, whenever you get out, you expect to have a pile of ramblings with time-burnt letters and tear-stained edges. Whenever you get out, if there are any, you'll burn them. As a rite of passage, or something. A Change. Because time changed you, and the less people have to know about it the better. You can't get rid of your rotten voice or the tiredness in your bones or the way your brain has twisted to think, but you CAN get rid of letters.

You like to write. The horrors you write, of twisted time and dying and what being frozen in time is like— it can go. No one needs to know. No one WILL know. It’ll all fall on you, like every other crabbing thing in the time loops. And that’s okay, it’s enough.

[hollyand-writes]

Fic Writer Meme!

I’ve been tagged by so many people over the last 2 days that I figured I really ought to do this 😂 

Thanks so much to the following lovely people for tagging me, and I was delighted to read (and reblog!) your answers! @inquisitoracorn, @barbex, @another-rogue-trevelyan, @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold, @noire-pandora and @kunstpause ❤️  (I think that’s everyone, sorry if I missed anyone off!) 

Name

Fandoms

Most popular oneshot

Most popular multichapter

Actual worst part of writing

How you choose your titles

Do you outline

Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?

Callouts @ Me

Best writing traits

Spicy Tangential Opinion 

Name: Holly or Hollyand; neither is my real name. 

Fandoms: I only write for Dragon Age 2, but I lurk in Frozen fandom. 

Most popular one-shot: “A Growing Lack of Disgust”, my M!Hawke/Arishok crackfic. Rated Teen/Mature. 

Most popular multi-chapter: “A Chance Engagement”, my Regency AU Carver/Merrill homage to Pride & Prejudice. Rated Teen. 

Actual worst part of writing: The writing, LOL. Particularly when it just won’t come. Someone (Dorothy Parker, apparently!) once said “I hate writing, but I love having written” and I feel exactly the same way. Having said that, there’s nothing better than writing when you’re in the flow, and that’s when I DO love writing - but that doesn’t happen to me as often as I’d like, haha!

How do you choose your titles: I don’t have a set way as you can see:  

The “does what it says on the tin” approach (A Marriage Of Convenience; A Fake Date at the De Launcet Mansion; Carver and Merrill Go On A Picnic (Along With Everyone Else); The Templar And The Blood Mage; Truth Or Dare) 

A newspaper title that inspired a prompt (Local Man Returns From Trip, Discovers Boyfriend Adopted 25 Cats)

After an artwork (The Courtship of Daisy and Junior)  

Shit puns or wordplay (A Shit Time To Be A Templar; Employer Relations; Open Book) 

A phrase from the fic that best sums the whole thing up (A Pirate’s Touch; A Chance Engagement; You Are Cordially Invited; A Growing Lack of Disgust; To Rule Over Him; The Maker’s Will; like twine unravelled and many more)

Overall subject (Cupcakes; Poker Face; The Masquerade; Pancake Day; Table For Two; Touch; Major Arcana) 

A quote from Dragon Age 2 (Hook Hands Make For Awful Penmanship) 

and much more rarely, adapted from a book or song title (Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?; Sweet Like Chocolate; Bright Lights, Big City, Blind Date) 

Do you outline: Not for one-shots - but I try to for longfics after coming hopelessly unstuck in the first one I attempted and having to abandon it. 

Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice? So many, OMG. Hot Maths Professor Carver (inspired by real-life hot maths professor turned model Pietro Boselli) and University Student Merrill, maybe? I have a whole load of shit maths puns and innuendoes especially about modelling wet steam flow for that fic idea 😂 

EDITED TO ADD: This, by the way, is Pietro Boselli: 

Callouts @ me: Just write the fucking thing; your writing is nowhere near as bad as you think it is (and if it is? Well, then, go and improve it! Don’t sit on your arse and whine LMAO). 

Best writing traits: Thanks to my job as a professional writer/editor, I have a thick skin and can take constructive criticism... although I must add that so far the very rare times I’ve had any criticism on my fanfic, it has often been so far from being constructive to be totally useless 😂  (I will forever be known as the writer who “didn’t write Fenris sexily enough” in a Carver/Merrill fic.)

Spicy Tangential Opinion: To quote @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold: ‘Every single kudos, like, reblog, or comment is special. I know it’s easy to focus on the “quantity” of them - but each one represents a real person that one of my stories has emotionally resonated with.’ 

Manka puts this much nicer than I would, although I gotta add that I am fed up of the entitled attitude of many writers I see on this website, who don’t take much care over their writing or don’t take much care to be kind or encouraging to their readers, and then blame and berate their readers and audience (or potential readers and audience) for not giving them the exact validation or feedback they expect. Respect goes both ways. If you shit on your audience, then don’t be surprised when you eventually don’t have one. 

---

I can’t remember who has been tagged or not so I apologise in advance, but I will tag.... let’s see.... @pinkfadespirit, @varghaxa, @lesetoilesfous, @hawkeish, @in-arlathan, @uchidachi, @midnightprelude, @veorlian, @blarrghe, @natsora, @charlatron, @lauraemoriarty, @jentrevellan, @laraslandlockedblues, @kagetsukai and anyone else who wants to do this! ❤️ 

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

Do you know how crazy it would be if there were an AU where all of the Perry-centered AUs anons have pitched to you over the past few months were all stitched together? Say there was as alternate universe where Perry is a robot and OWCA has many copies of himself and he's raising an organic platypus baby with whatever the heck a capybara is, and that's all without context!

okay I literally have three asks that I should be answering before this one if I go in like wait-list order (is that even English who the fuck knows at this point) but this one is KILLING ME and I have an answer it immediately okay hold on I gotta go check my list of asks to see what we gotta work in and I’m totally including headcanons with the AUs to make this into the biggest and best trainwreck of all time

Okay so we start with day one: OWCA’s training regiment at The Academy is super harsh, and it turns Perry into the supersoldier he is. This is, of course, because Perry is a robot.  One day, robot Perry stumbles upon Phineas and Ferb, and the kids play around with his wiring and give him Feelings™. Essentially, this means that the kids saved him from a cold, dark, meaningless existence. They don’t know it yet, but Perry was actually sent to them to keep an eye on them, though OWCA did not anticipate that the boys would mess with his software. 

Perry goes missing one day, and OWCA panics and makes a whole new Perry robot to replace him, thus inventing the Perry clones. Each agent has to upload their memories every now and then, which means Monogram can just insert Perry’s mental hard drive into a new Perry robot. I guess somehow in the process the og blueprints got a little fucked up because they now match what Phineas and Ferb did to Perry, and while OWCA had questioned it at Perry’s last physical, they note that Perry is doing better than ever -- though he is a little more benevolent, which they’re not sure they like -- so they don’t really question it.

As the years pass, more and more Perrys go missing or die or get captured or whatever, and at this point, OWCA just has a whole fucking army of robot Perrys chilling in the OWCA basement so that whenever a new one needs to replace an old one, he’s ready. He lets all the platypuses run around Danville, possibly after they escaped on their own, and now all the platypuses in Danville are Perry clones. Across the 2nd Dimension comes along now, and in the 2nd Dimension, the clone robot Perry program has already been shut down because 2D Doof would be too powerful with an army of Perryborgs. Perry does a really good job at keeping the mindless platypus facade up at first, even though 2D Doof knows it’s him because he recognizes Phineas and Ferb from Perryborg’s locket. They mostly manage to work together without Perry revealing himself until the very end, when they’re having that last-ditch effort back in the first dimension to stop 2D Doof from taking over. 

Okay this is where I’m getting a lil confused because I have four ways this could go right now: Coby the Capybara starts working for OWCA, the og robot Perry from before the clones thing shows up, the butler!Perry doesn’t write “I fight evil” au, or the au where Perry gets zapped by the ultimate-evil-inator in Where’s Perry. They all gotta make it in here eventually, but I have spent like ten minuntes trying to decide whether I want Coby or the og Perry to come back first, and whether either or both of them should be back for butler!Perry or evil!Perry, and I do not fucking know so I’m just gonna wing it and hope for the best lmao

First comes Coby the Capybara. I guess he’s now also a robot, right? But he doesn’t have any clones? I think is how these headcanons work? So Perry has no idea why the fuck this new guy is so happy and annoyingly optimistic because he’s literally just a robot but whatever, as long as Perry can stay away it’s all good, right? But Coby basically inserts himself into Perry’s life, and while most agents don’t have host families, OWCA makes an exception here because the Flynn-Fletchers have basically already adopted him and it can’t hurt to have two agents keeping an eye on those kids, right? And they don’t really get along that well at first because they’re so different. Usually it’s Perry that gets annoyed at Coby, but sometimes it’s the other way around. For instance, Coby gets really fucking annoyed at how Perry doesn’t let him have any fun. So what if he gets needlessly risky when it comes to almost revealing his secret identity? It’s fun, something that Perry has apparently never heard of. And while Coby is fooling around with all Perry’s shit, he finds the pictures from the second dimension, and he’s about to go chew Perry out for being such a fucking hypocrite until he reads the lowkey diary entry that goes with the pictures where Perry admits to being scared out of his mind the entire time and how it crushed him because he can’t let it show that it got to him at all because he’s a robot and he’s not supposed to have feelings. I choose to think for maximum angst reasons that Phineas and Ferb didn’t play around with his wiring because unlike when Perry first wandered in, they knew Coby was a conscious animal. Still, Coby knows Perry has human-like emotions, even if he can’t quite understand them, and he knows he can’t imagine what Perry had to go through. Coby is a lot nicer around Perry and doesn’t risk blowing their covers as much after that or at least not where Perry can see it, and as time goes on, Coby also becomes a much better agent, too, until they’re basically equals, and, more importantly, they’re family. 

I think I’d rather the evil Perrys come before the og Perry comes back but I do also wanna throw Coby in just for kicks, so we’re gonna skip on over to the ultimate-evil-inator Where’s Perry au. The Flynn-Fletchers and their friends are all in Africa, but, unlike Coby, Perry couldn’t get the time off. He gets hit by the inator, obviously, and turns evil, and he strings Heinz along to get what he wants. To briefly summarize the description from the post, basically Perry uses Heinz just long enough to take over the tri-state area, and to do so, he needs to capture everyone he deems a threat, which includes everyone from OWCA. 

The kids come home to find that somehow their dumb little platypus took over, and they decide they’re the tri-state area’s only hope so they set off to stop him. This is where it differs from the og ask: now we’ve got Coby in the picture. Coby works for OWCA so obviously he knows the ins and outs of the city better than these kids do and he makes it to wherever Perry’s hiding out before everyone else. Perry has his robot army grab him, but Coby demands that Perry let him talk and for some inexplicable reason, Perry does. Coby basically begs him to back down (and it doesn’t work). He reminds Perry that these people did nothing wrong and they don’t deserve this (and it doesn’t work). He tells Perry that this is just a victory for Heinz, even if the poor dude’s now in prison, and that Perry’s not supposed to let Heinz win (and it doesn’t work). He pops open his collar locket and shows Perry the picture of the two of them with the three kids, and begs Perry not to let anything happen to them because they’re family... and it still doesn’t work. Perry orders the robots to execute Coby, but then Phineas, Ferb, and their friends show up and start talking over each other a mile a minute except Ferb but his silence is just as wholesome in Perry’s eyes and Perry looks between the kids and Coby and he realizes that this is Not Good™ 

Perry just drops to all fours, orders the guards to release everyone, and pretends it never happened. Coby’s kinda taken by surprise, but he’s not shocked -- Perry is nothing but a family man, even if he can’t admit it -- so he also drops to all fours and pretends nothing happened. The kids are really confused, but hey, everyone’s happy so it’s all good, right?

But now that we’re basically talking about the entire summer, I feel like this is a great time to talk about what happens after he becomes evil and then becomes good again, and how that sets him up for the next time he becomes evil because the poor guy can’t catch a break. I know I touched upon it in the reblog that’s linked with the post, but because of all the AUs, it’s more complicated than that (not because it has to be more complicated but because I like overcomplicated things). At least in the original AU, OWCA would probably expect Perry to feel a little down, but now that he’s a robot who’s not supposed to have feelings, he has to pretend it doesn’t bother him, and I have to imagine that would make him feel even worse. He’s a little wary around not only Heinz because he’s seen for the first time what his nemesis is capable of without remorse bearing in mind that the second dimension didn’t go the way it went in the movie so he never saw the worst of his dimension’s Heinz, but also around the kids because he’s afraid of them getting hurt if he gets too close, especially because OWCA doesn’t know he actually cares about them.  

And that’s where everybody’s favorite capybara comes in. Coby himself may not have real feelings, but he knows Perry does and he does consider Perry to be family, even if it doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing to him as a robot as it would to anyone else. Coby tries really hard to cheer him up and to assure his friend that he’s here for him if he ever wants to talk, but Perry turns him down every time because even though Coby can handle himself, Perry doesn’t want his own dumbassery to put him at risk. Still, even if he doesn’t consciously realize it, having Coby around makes him feel a little more welcome, even after that whole debacle. 

And then we’re gonna go with Butler!Perry, because why not make him turn evil twice? But again, because Coby’s here, I’m gonna change up how it goes just a little. So basically Remains of the Platypus goes how it usually does, with Heinz turning Perry into his butler and Carl trying to give Perry his hat and Monogram is eating cheese and all that ish. But as the au says, Perry doesn’t write “I fight evil” on his chest, so he doesn’t remember that he’s one of the good guys after Carl spills juice all over his shirt. Heinz sends Carl back to OWCA and spends the next few days gloating because haha I have your favorite agent and in your face, Francis! and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. 

Coby has been trained not to ask questions, and, as a robot, he’s really not supposed to break protocol or people are going to start asking questions. But the boys are starting to get really nervous and honestly, so is he, so he finally says “fuck it” and during his next mission briefing, he asks Monogram where Perry is. Monogram explains the whold predicament and basically says that as long as Perry doesn’t want to come back, their hands are tied. Coby’s hands are tied, too, in the sense that he has to take the case he’s given regardless of his own feelings and preferred agenda, so he reluctantly accepts his case and does his shit, and then he heads to DEI to see Perry. Heinz is just kinda vibin, probably watching TV and Perry’s, like, massaging his feet or something idfk Heinz is a weird dude. Coby breaks down the door and Heinz would do something about it but he’s also really investing in his relationship in the soap opera so he tells Perry to go take care of it. This time, since the problem is that Perry doesn’t remember anything and not that he’s legitimately evil, Coby manages to bring back his Perry by taking Perry’s collar off and showing him the locket and idk maybe he has to show Perry that he has a locket like that, too, just for the cuteness factor. Perry snaps out of it, and he and Coby beat the shit out of Heinz before heading back home together, and fortunately no one at OWCA questions it because they’re just glad to have Agent P back. 

Now Perry’s really wary around Heinz because this is the second time he’s turned him evil and, unlike the in original au, it wasn’t Heinz who decided to change him back. Their nemesisship takes a really big hit here, and nothing Heinz does can fix it. At the same time, though, Perry’s almost feeling better now than he did before, because even if he can’t trust his nemesis, he knows he can trust Coby. They truly are an inseparable duo...

Until they become a trio?

One day, a new platypus robot walks in the yard and he looks like a mess. He’s covered in scratches and wounds so deep that his wiring is coming through and sparking and it looks like he’s about to explode at any minute. That ends up being the original Perry robot, and he’s not very happy to see another platypus in his yard. Phineas and Ferb see him and they take him in because he obviously needs help, and once they’ve fixed him up, they decide they’re going to keep this new platypus and name him Bartholomew. Everything is sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows because yippee-doo, their family grows, right?

But Perry and Coby aren’t stupid. Contrary to popular believe, robot animals don’t wander into yards for no reason, no matter how many times the boys think it’s happened to them. So the three of them finally get the chance to talk, and it doesn’t really go well. Neither Perry was aware that there were Perry clones, and though they can sort of figure it out because they both have their one-of-a-kind locket with a picture of them and the boys as babies (though Perry is very disappointed to realize this is actually a picture of Bartholomew as a baby, not him), they’re not happy about it. The three of them head down to Perry and Coby’s shared lair and demand answers from Monogram, who basically explains that yes, they did clone Bartholomew, but they’d been looking for hi for days and the boys were getting antsy. They didn’t want to put the kids in danger if they discovered something they weren’t supposed to, so they basically said fuck it, let’s make a new Perry. Monogram neglects to mention that they’ve done this numerous times before and that every Danville platypus is a Perry clone.

Bartholomew and Perry don’t get along at first, and since neither of them have any reason to dislike Coby, he ends up being the mediator most of the time. Monogram tries to assign both platypuses to the same mission once, and Coby shuts that down immediately because they would literally murder each other. Bartholomew never met Heinz so that stays Perry’s thing, even though they’re still on pretty rough terms. Coby and Bartholomew do their own stuff, and for the most part, the two platypuses only interact when they have to -- when the boys want all their pets together or when Monogram needs to see all three agents.

And then Monogram realizes that he doesn’t really need three agents to watch two boys, so he reassigns Bartholomew to the Regurgitator case. He figures Perry’s been there the longest and Coby’s more familiar with the older Phineas and Ferb. Bartholomew’s been gone for so long that he’s probably the least useful one there. Monogram delivers the news to him alone, and when he refuses to take no for an answer, Bartholomew rebels. He explains the whole predicament to Perry and Coby, and while Coby sympathizes, Perry agrees with Monogram. Neither of them want to do anything to help, so Bartholomew basically says “fuck it, I’ll give you a reason to help me,” and reveals his identity to Phineas, Ferb, and Candace. At that point, there’s no reason for Perry and Coby to keep theirs a secret, because the kids are smart enough to figure it out themselves. Now that they’ve all revealed their identities, they’re all at risk of relocation if OWCA catches them (except Bartholomew who’s probably in more danger than them because he directly defied orders to do this, but come on, after the shit he’s seen, he can deal with them). In a desperate attempt to keep the family together, the three of them, accompanied by the kids and all their friends, start an uprising against OWCA. Perry decides to meet up with an old friend, Dennis the Rabbit, for a little help because he knows Dennis is just as pissed at OWCA as they are. 

I feel like that should be enough to reform OWCA, but because we still have a fuck ton of AUs left, it’s just enough to convince OWCA to lay off the punishments a little bit. The family gets to stay together, but only if the kids lose their memories. Just for kicks, Dennis gets to join the Flynn-Fletchers’ pet squad, too, but he comes with a collar this time that has his name so Candace stops calling him Mr. Cutie Patootie. Otherwise, everything goes back to normal, and now there are four animal agent robot thingies living with the Flynn-Fletchers, which is exceptionally weird because, again, the agents don’t typically have host families. Still, at least they kids are being watched, right?

One night, Heinz breaks into OWCA for one of his schemes, and he discovers the Perry cloning program. He only gets to read some of it because most of it is classified, but he gets the gist. He’s not sure what to do with this information, so he just kinda leaves and pretends he never saw it. But when he sees Perry the next day, he decides that’s not something he can just leave alone. He tries to get access to the files with Perry’s DNA and with Carl’s, but neither of them work so he somehow copies Monogram’s handprint and uses that. He’s in the middle of reading all about the program and all the different Perrys they’ve made and how different ones have been lost and/or destroyed, and then Monogram walks in. In the original au, Heinz destroys the machine, destroying the clone Perry in the process, and runs from OWCA to find the real Perry. I don’t particularly want this Perry to die, nor do I want Heinz to go on a wild goose hunt when the original Perry is literally Bartholomew and probably like two miles away, so that’s not gonna happen. Instead, Heinz promises he’s not going to do anything with this information and he leaves.

When he fights Perry the next time he tells Perry all about what he found. He admits that he tried hacking in with Perry’s handprint and with Carl’s and that he eventually had to use Monogram’s. He explains that the whole idea makes him incredibly uncomfortable and feels too evil, even for him, and that he almost destroyed the machine because it would end the program, but he decided against it because he likes Perry a lot, even if it’s just a clone of him and even if the feeling obviously isn’t mutual, and he wasn’t going to do that to the guy. He just figured this is something he should make sure Perry is aware of, because it sounds like it could have consequences.

It doesn’t have any dire consequences, but it does make Perry very happy. He’d been really iffy around the guy after the whole “turning him evil” thing, so this means a lot. Heinz had no reason to tell him any of this. He really just admit all these things that he knew could make Perry very uncomfortable just because he thought Perry should know the truth, and that’s not even taking into consideration that he has no idea how OWCA would respond if they knew Heinz had told Perry anything. Of course, Perry already knew about the cloning program (though not about the Danville platypuses; that one is new), so he’s not too phased by it. That helps bring their relationship back closer to the level of trust they used to have.

Perry goes home and explains it all to Coby, Bartholomew, and Dennis. None of them are comfortable with the newfound knowledge that there are, like, 50 Perrys out there, but hey, that’s life, right? Bartholomew kinda stops hating Perry as much now that he knows there wasn’t just one Perry that replaced him, and that’s it’s really been a big cycle that OWCA is prepared to continue if given the opportunity. When Bartholomew stops being as mean to Perry, Perry starts liking him a little more, and it kinda helps mend their relationship too.

And now it’s Last Day of Summer, except after the boys get sucked out of the universe, Perry does, too. He’s too disoriented to really process what’s going on until the boys have already noticed that he’s standing there on all fours, so his cover’s officially blown. Together, they have to figure out how to get back home. The rest of the day pretty much goes as it does in the episode, and in the end, one is okay. Heinz turns good, which means Perry now has to meet him in secret because he’s a robot and not supposed to have friends but that’s okay. He can deal with that. 

For some reason or other, Perry accidentally “has babies” because he happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when three platypus eggs appeared. They end up being Horatio, Ornithorhynchus (Ornith), and Anatinus (Ana). Hey, you said all the AUs, and there are two Dad!Perry AUs so thsi is what we got lmao. Horatio is a lot like Perry overall, Ornith is a lot like the Agent P side of Perry, and Ana is a lot like the mindless pet side of Perry. It’s a lot of work trying to balance looking after three baby platypuses, especially because they’re actual platypuses and he’s literally a robot. Fortunately, he does have his friends to help, and Bartholomew kinda likes having these kids. It almost reminds him of Phineas and Ferb back when Bartholomew first met them. 

But OWCA tries to get the babies to join no matter how many times Perry tells them to fuck off. One day Perry comes home to find OWCA trying to recruit them behind his back and he’s furious. He throws his hat down and quits because if they’re not going to respect him, he’s not going to respect them. That’s kinda OWCA’s first real glimpse into the fact that Perry has feelings because he’s done a good job at hiding them until then, and they don’t really like it but there’s nothing they can do. When the rest of the agents come home and hear what happened, most of them quit, too, but Coby doesn’t. OWCA is going to want someone to keep an eye on the boys regardless of whether Perry, Bartholomew, and Dennis are up for the task, so he might as well take the L so OWCA doesn’t try to run them out of the house and replace them with a different agent. 

Horatio feels really guilty because he thinks this is all the his fault, so he runs away under the impression that Perry will have an easier time dealing with this if there are only two platybabies instead of three. Now Coby has to balance watching the human kids with taking on his cases and making sure Ornith and Ana don’t wander off. Perry, Bartholomew, and Dennis all have to track Horatio down, and they end up finding him at Doofenshmirtz Good Inc. because Heinz saw him on the street and after the clone Perry debacle, he’s a little wary of seeing non-robot baby platypuses on the street by themselves. He’s a little bitter that no one ever told him that Perry had kids, so Perry assures him that he can meet Ornith and Ana soon. He also gets to meet Bartholomew, which blows his mind even more than the platybabies because holy shit it’s the original Perry, so they lowkey become friends too (but not as close as he is with his Perry). Also just for kicks I’m gonna say he befriends a different platypus clone completely unrelated to this and names that Perry “Steven.”

Shit gets real complicated when the kids from the second dimension cross over into the first. Perry immediately informs Perryborg that his cover is still intact and hands him the pamphlet, and Perryborg has to explain it all to the kids. They can’t admit that they know something that the first dimension kids don’t, so they have to pretend they’ve never met before and hit it off like new friends. Meanwhile, Perry has to explain this to his friends, because the only one with any semblance of an idea that this went down is Coby. Perryborg kinda wants to befriend the platybabies, but they’re kinda terrified of him because, you know, he’s a big scary robot that can obliterate sticks. Perryborg’s jealous of Perry because he has this whole big family to himself now, and because he didn’t lose years of his life with them like Perryborg (and Bartholomew) did. It was enough to upset Bartholomew when he came back, and it’s enough to upset Perryborg. Meanwhlie, Perry’s jealous because Perryborg gets to be himself instead of pretending to be a mindless pet, and Perry wishes he could do that, too. In the end, they both decide that they’re probably bette off how they are now, and when the second dimension kids head home, Perry and Perryborg part as friends.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The end.

This is 4400 words and has taken me many, many hours so if anyone actually reads this whole thing I am very sorry but this was my idea of a “quick fix” for yesterday’s depressive episode lmao anyway gtg gonna buy some more discount halloween candy 

[marybeatriceofmodena]

TFW when you try to do Anastasia but you also suck at your job: A Master Class by The Rise of Skywalker

Okay. So, I promised you guys a TROS review, and it’s coming, I promise… except I’ll be making two “spin-off posts” about specific issues just in order to clear up some stuff, mainly because in my mind, those issues are important.

First post is going to be, of course, about Rey’s parentage.

So. After TFA, it would have been possible for Rey to have been the kid of “someone”. However, TLJ made it impossible to do so, unless you’d have some serious, bullshit retconning going on – which is exactly what happened.

I know this is a VERY controversial thing to say at this point, but post-TFA, Rey Palpatine “could” have been possible. Okay, maybe not have her be Palpatine’s granddaughter, but more of a descendant of his.

This said, I “tried” making an origin story for Rey Palpatine that “works” for the purposes of this meta, on a hypothetical basis, while making it consistent with canon (something JJ Abrams and Chris Terrio clearly couldn’t be bothered to do, LMAO). I had plotholes no matter what. I do think I could have eventually found something with a little bit of brainstorming, but truth is, IT’S HARD, and a lot of exposition would have been for novels/comics only.

From a thematic perspective, though? It wouldn’t have been a bad idea. For this to work, though, you would have needed to go on full-blown Romeo and Juliet mode with sprinkles of Anastasia, though. I mean, The Lion King 2 did something similar, so why the fuck not. Because, yeah, Ben Solo, the grandson of Darth Vader, son of Han Solo and Leia Organa, the last prince of Alderaan, who falls in love with the last Imperial princess Rey Palpatine while they’re on opposite sides of the war but not the ones you’d think of is the stuff of fairy tales and star-crossed romances, except this one would have a happy ending and brought peace to the galaxy.

Truth be told, I still really enjoy fanfics who go for that story and find a way to make it work in canonverse or in AUs – because it’s genuinely fun. But in canon itself, as I point out earlier… it’s not easy.

So, we have Rian Johnson who said he made a list of potential origins for Rey while he was working on TLJ’s script. You bet Rey Palpatine was on that list. However, he came to the conclusion that Rey Nobody was the best way to go, and whatdyaknow, he made the right call.

Why? Rey Nobody requires minimal exposition. Storytelling-wise, you don’t have a lot of brainstorming to do, and it’s easy to have Ben revealing it, and easy to present it as a repressed memory of Rey’s. On a thematic level, that puts Rey on the same level as Jane Eyre or the main character from Rebecca: she’s a nobody from nowhere who is thrown into a family drama, and since she’s the glitch in the matrix, she must stop the story from becoming a tragedy.

See? Simple. You got your easy exposition, you got your thematic coherence, and you got the literary call-backs.

So, JJ and Terrio decided to retcon this shit because, as they said, they thought it was boring. I think Colin Trevorrow probably thought it was boring too, because I have my reasons to think a lot of TROS is from him (but more on that in my main review). But thing is, it’s not it’s “boring”, it’s literally that they didn’t know what the fuck to do with Rey. No, more than that, they don’t understand her, and frankly, they can’t be bothered to do so. She’s an empty vessel they can toy with at their ease, and in the process, turn her in a Mary-Sue. Because yes, TROS!Rey was a Mary-Sue, whereas TFA/TLJ!Rey was not. So, what I say above regarding Rey might be a bomb for some, considering how people are (understandably) defensive when it comes to that statement. I promise I will elaborate more about it in the main review, once again.

So, with the lineage aspect addressed, it’s time to talk about Rey’s parents themselves.

It’s hilarious how HARD JJ and Terrio tried to make Kylo’s explanation work – because as much as they butchered the shit out of him, they said: “Well he’s a bad liar, right? Gotta keep that in mind.”

Although, I don’t think it was a case of them being concerned with Kylo’s characterization – they’re not that graceful. They had to figure out QUICK why the hell Kylo wouldn’t have known Rey was a Palpatine from the get-go, because the Force is a great DNA test and shit, and I guess that’s how Palps located Ben’s Mighty Skywalker Blood™. Except that still doesn’t work because Palps couldn’t even locate his own goddamn granddaughter, but I digress.

Seriously, why would Kylo lie to Rey about her being a nobody instead of her being a Palpatine? It makes no sense, because if you’re going to roll with the theory Kylo just wants UNLIMITED POWAH, the Palpatine princess is not only a great asset (since marrying her legitimizes your claim to the throne in the eyes of the Imperial Remnants, I mean, that’s literally why Henry VII married Elizabeth of York), it’s also the one argument she needs to hear in order to sway her to your side. So I guess JJ and Terrio’s one shared brain cell kinda flicked a bit at that moment.

This said, getting the Palpatine princess on his side is clearly Kylo’s intention in TROS (which, again, makes no sense with what was set up in TLJ but that’s something I’m keeping for another post), except they trip all over themselves by having Kylo say he didn’t lie to Rey in TLJ. Except…

So, what Ben said in TLJ was the following:

Her parents sold her for drinking money.

They’re dead and buried in a pauper’s grave somewhere on Jakku.

Rey is related to no one.

Here’s what Ben reveals to Rey in TROS:

Her parents sold her for her protection.

They died on another planet, while being hunted down by a guy working for Palpatine and instructed to bring Rey back to them.

Rey’s dad is a Palpatine and Rey’s mom is Villanelle (nah, for real: the actress who plays Rey’s mom is Jodie Comer).

So, um, yeah, it’s the EXACT opposite of what Ben said in TLJ. Just say Palps was fucking with Ben’s mind-reading or Rey’s memories instead, JJ. Not that “Oh Ben was telling the truth, but he didn’t have the whole story”, because that’s not it.

For the latter, once again, it would have been feasible: the one thing, for me, that was possible to be added was that Rey had killed her parents accidentally, by having their ship to leave Jakku crash down with the Force: that’s what made her Force powers go dormant for all those years and provoked her trauma. It would also make sense that Ben would willfully not bring that back to her memories, because she’d understandably not be able to cope with the truth, which is often what happens to a lot of trauma victims. THAT was the theory I had pre-TROS, because that’s the only answer I could come up with when it came to JJ saying that there was more to Rey’s past. I guess I expected JJ to be, like, actually able to write, lmao.

I even wonder if that was actually in the cards, considering we see Rey in TROS bringing down a transport that supposedly has Chewie in it… but I guess they deemed that to be “too dark” for their heroine. Except the bullshit that comes instead is actually… much worse.

To make things simple, I’ll just take the above points and develop them.

Rey’s parents sold her for her protection.

Okay, so, Rey’s parents need to hide her to make sure Palps doesn’t get his hands on her. Fair enough. This said, why did it have to be Jakku and not, like, ANYWHERE ELSE? Especially that Palpatine had interest in Jakku at some point and that maybe having Rey anywhere close to that place would not be a good idea?

But let’s play the game and say that Jakku is the only place they can hide her because… I don’t know, it’s hard to find someone there with the Force. Whatever. Even then, why the fuck would they think Unkar Plutt is a proper guardian for a tiny little girl? You know they could have walked a few miles more and found a nice old man who likes the Light Side of the Force and the Jedi and all that shit called Lor San Tekka? Hey, why not even try to find a guy like Luke Skywalker who’s like, a Jedi and shit, and have him take care of their little girl and protect her? 

Even then, why the hell doesn’t Rey’s mom stay with her daughter? Her husband is the Palpatine, not her. All Rey’s mom has to do is find a nicer hiding place for her and Rey somewhere on Jakku, like, not Niima Outpost (again, Tuanul is just a few miles away), and just let Dad hide somewhere else. He’s a grownass man, he can take care of himself and he just has to hide on Nar Shaadaa or some shit. Fuck, why don’t all three of them hide on Nar Shaadaa? Or in the Coruscant undercity? ANYWHERE ELSE?

Also, wouldn’t Plutt clearly see two desperate parents as a business opportunity? Like, if you want to do a Les Misérables comparison here, he wouldn’t “buy” Rey from them, he’d try to get money for them à la Thénardier with Fantine. Except Rey’s parents make Fantine look like frigging Einstein because at least she had the excuse of thinking Madame Thénardier would take good care of Cosette since Éponine and Azelma seemed well-cared for.  

Again, a creepy-looking alien who exploits the outpost’s inhabitants for portions in exchange for junk, who asks you to pay him to take care of your kid should be a big fucking red flag – unless you want to involve blackmail, but that’s a whole other can of worms.

Seriously, why the hell would Rey’s parents even ACCEPT money that comes from selling their own child? Were they really that desperate? Fuck, even if I had no other way of getting off Jakku, I wouldn’t even THINK of using money that comes from selling my own child. Any parent who’d even CONSIDER doing that is automatically a godawful parent in my book. Shame on you. And shame on JJ for trying to make me buy them as saints, because THEY’RE NOT, JUST BY THAT SINGLE ACTION.

They died on another planet, while being hunted down by a guy working for Palpatine and instructed to bring Rey back to them.

I didn’t notice it until Jenny Nicholson pointed it out in her TROS review, because it SOMEHOW completely escaped my notice, but… Rey’s mom saying Rey is DEFINITELY NOT on Jakku is like the worst fucking lie I’ve ever seen in a film because it’s so hilariously bad. Congratulations, Space Villanelle, may you be forever remembered for this line.

Also, it’s stupid af that Oshi (that’s his name, right? Can’t be bothered to Google it, might just call him Barney the Bounty Hunter from now on) just kills Rey’s parents, because HE’S EVUL MUAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA, because he literally creates a dead end for himself. He still has no fucking clue where Rey is, and he just killed off his only leads. CONGRATULATIONS BARNEY THE BOUNTY HUNTER, YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB.

Rey’s dad is a Palpatine and Rey’s mom is Villanelle.

So, Rey’s dad looks like he’s in his early thirties at most, right? Maybe a little younger than Luke and Leia, then. So, unless he got frozen in carbonite at some point, that means Palpatine fucked at some point while looking like this:

Anyway, I sure hope Sly Moore was Grandma Palpatine because she’s pretty much the only person who’d be game to smash raisin ass. Which leaves me with extremely disturbing pictures of Palps and Sly having sex, so I’ll spare you the more graphic details of my twisted mind that’s screaming for an end to this misery. 

I sure hope having Rey’s mom as Jodie Comer isn’t a clue that we’ll get spin-offs with those two (GOD PLEASE NO), but while I crack jokes about how Rey’s mom is Villanelle and Palpadad kinda looks like Ramsay Bolton… I find it fucking hilarious they dressed Rey’s mom in BLUE. LIKE, SEE? SEE? SHE’S IN BLUE, LIKE THE VIRGIN MARY, BECAUSE REY IS SPACE JESUS!!!! GET IT??? GETIT???? PLEASE TELL ME YA GET IT, OKAY???? *gross sobbing* I knew we should have had Rey born in a manger, that would have made the artistic intentions clear *wipes tear*

All right. There’s a lot more that could be said about Rey’s lineage, but I’m keeping that for my main review because what’s left to say ties up to the bigger picture. What I tried to point out with this preliminary post is that while Rey Palpatine *could* have worked, in different circumstances, it couldn’t have had post-TLJ… and we’re left to see a mutilated horse who was dead on arrival. And that’s tragic.

[in-tua-deep]

me n a friend have been talking abt how to make a happy au where everything works out for the best and tbh my proposal is: that last time five time travels he doesnt make it to the apocalypse, he jumps right into reginalds funeral and just the fact that their annoying rebellious preteen brother who needs people to look after him is there, they collectively pull their heads out their asses and the apocalypse doesnt happen thru the power of sibling love (+being made more responsible), ur thoughts?

OOH curious, an au where Five travels straight from when he was thirteen to his dad’s funeral? 

Five absolutely doesn’t believe that Dad is dead or that his siblings are his siblings until they PROVE it and then he basically is like what the fuCK luther you’re HUGE and allison your hair!! klaus you got so tall!! why is everyone except vanya tall as fuck!! 

“Hey where’s Ben?” Five asks, all excited and wide-eyed and the rest of the squad is like surprisedpikachu.jpg

When he finds out that Ben is dead he tries to travel back in time to prevent it and that’s when he comes to the realization that moving forwards in time is a whole different kettle of fish than moving backwards in time which sparks its own little breakdown because until that moment he was treating this as sort of a fun vacation with his cool older siblings and didn’t realize that he was stuck there

So the whole squad gets to find out via breakdown that Five hadn’t really meant to run away and was always intending on going back to them and that he just got stuck

Five calls them out on their bullshit regarding Vanya because he literally just came from a time where Vanya used to sneak into his room in tears after Reginald called her useless and ordinary for the nth time so maybe he’s a little protective and he’s just like “holy shit dad is DEAD and y’all are STILL spouting his same bullshit regarding Vanya”

Diego, who hates the fact that he was just compared to Reginald, decides to be a contrary bastard and immediately start treating Vanya nicer because honestly sometimes spite is the best motivator

Seriously how do the siblings not cotton onto the fact that their brother who sees the dead can see their very dead brother?? whatever, Five is from a time where Klaus was just doing weed and not heavy drugs so as soon as he finds out Ben is dead and after he has his subsequent breakdown he turns to Klaus like “hey hey ask Ben where the fuck he put my book on interdimensional theory I need it for reasons” and Klaus is so surprised he just automatically relays the information and then the rest of the family are like “what” as Five jumps to go retrieve it

Five is still conditioned by Reginald to like. Be a good little child soldier. And I’m gonna say the running out wasn’t a common occurrence, so instead Five gets to bug his siblings to take him places because also he’s thirteen and can’t drive

“Dad is DEAD” five says, wide eyed with possibilities, “holy shit. Is griddy’s still open? can we go to griddy’s? in DAYLIGHT? without sneaking out? holy SHIT”

in the face of this excitement over something as small and simple as being able to go to a diner when he wants, it’s not like they can say NO. even luther wavers because honestly griddy’s is a nostalgia trip and a half and he’s been on the moon for four years and… dad’s dead it can wait for like, an hour right?

The commission is like “hmm. fuck. better send some people to get the timeline back on track” except now it’s the whole squad who deal with the Griddy’s Assassin situation and Five helps because this is what’s he trained to do!! taking down armed gunmen! look at them doing their job as a family

meanwhile the others are freaking out internally because five is a BABY and he’s in DANGER also looking back they were ALL BABIES WHAT THE FUCK DAD and five is just smiling while warping around bashing people on the head with diner mugs

Klaus and Vanya are ducked under a table bonding about not being super helpful in fights and Klaus is like “tbh idk why dad let me go on missions and not you like i remember when you got allison to teach you that highkick p sure you’d be more useful than me” and vanya is touched

they don’t come out unscathed and Five is bleeding and everyone is freaking out over it and five is just like “dude i’ve had worse lmao like literally dad has given me worse than this” and everyone is reminded that their dad was a dick and even luther finds his faith shaken because five is so little and he doesn’t remember them being that little,,,

they still make Five get patched up when they get back home as they try to figure out Hey What The Fuck Was That and five is literally getting stitches and he’s still excitedly asking them questions about their lives

and he’s thirteen and so sheltered i cry so he’s very impressed by like, everything

“we should watch some of allison’s movies!! we can watch movies together now, right?? i mean even dad would let us watch a movie if it had one of us in it surely! i want to see!” “!! Luther you went to the MOON? what was it like? were there aliens? did you see the flag? did you bring back moonrocks? can I have one?” “klaus your skirt!! i know dad never let you wear the stuff you wanted and now you just can! you can wear whatever you want! that’s so cool. can i do that? can i wear whatever i want? klaus klaus can you paint my nails? can ben pick out the color?” “vanya you’re in an orchestra!!! and you have a concert! that’s soo cool! does it matter that you aren’t first chair? you’re in an ORCHESTRA. i knew you were gonna be great with the violin!! can we go to your concert?? please? how much are the tickets? I probably still have my piggy bank in my room if no one’s touched it”

(Klaus touched it. Klaus 100% stole that money a long time ago. Allison cuts in and decides that as the wealthiest sibling and the currently most maternal and she is just melting at all this she will buy the whole family tickets to Vanya’s concert and they’re all going to attend as a FAMILY even if she has to drag everyone there by the ear)

everyone is immediately like “i am going to give this child the world and do all the things that we never got to do as children holy shit also now that i’m more distant from the events i never realized just how little autonomy we had and the fact that Five is so excited about being able to wear non-uniform clothes is a little depressing”

luther out here like “but,,, but the murder mystery”

and they all consider that and think that hmm. maybe those mystery griddy gunmen actually had something to do with dad’s death? okay okay, maybe just maybe luther isn’t being an idiot about this

if you think thirteen year old five doesn’t JUMP at the chance to be a part of uncovering a murder mystery you are incorrect and the siblings are immediately like “hmm. five has already gotten hurt. he is child. we should be,,, protective.”

vanya goes back to her apartment and still meets leonard peabody sorry guys but it’s kind of her job and i don’t want to take that away from her

she does still end up going to leonard’s house except five gets really bored of being smother by the rest of the squad (and they’re all WEIRD about the oddest of topics it’s stupid) so he goes off to find her and ends up ALSO at leonard’s house except he find reggie’s notebook and is like “hey i recognize this!! this is dad’s! i saw him writing in it yesterday!” and instead of letting anyone know he just kind of stuffs it up his shirt and steals it (it’s not stealing if it belongs to dad) and bugs Vanya into going home with him

he looks at the journal (he was always too curious for his own good that’s what got him into this situation) and so he reads about vanya’s powers

and immediately busts into the kitchen for family dinner like “GUYS HOLY SHIT”

and so that’s how the family finds out vanya has powers, it’s a big revelation, five is super enthusiastic because now vanya can come on missions with them suck it dad!! because he 100% isn’t aware yet they don’t still go on missions together and five is already like “we gotta train this!!”

idk pogo probably comes by and reveals the whole nanny situation and allison makes that reveal and vanya is fucking DISTRESSED and tries to leave but five latches onto her wrist and is like “vanya’s never been ordinary a day in her life!! have you heard her play the violin!! your rumor didn’t even work!” which is v touching to vanya and calms her down at least to continue the convo

luther is like “clearly she’s on the meds bc she’s dangerous so we can just continue those it’s fine” because it’s not like she’s hurt someone he cares about in this timeline tbh

allison meanwhile is trying to be a better sister in general so she counters back with “she was FOUR she didn’t understand the concept of death, now that she’s older and past the toddler tantrum phase i think it would be fine for her to actually learn about her powers”

but it’s klaus who’s like “hey, maybe we should ask vanya what she wants??”

and vanya is like,, i want to know. it wasn’t nice feeling like a burden back during the diner shootout, and i think i’d like to maybe try and explore this - and if it’s too much then there are always the pills (bc at this point vanya is still on those and doesn’t realize they inhibit her emotions, when she does she ends up not wanting to go back on them)

vanya gets the love and support she needs!! luther gets some validation for his dad was murdered theory bc the squad investigates with him and they find out about reggie faking his murder a lot earlier! allison doesn’t get her throat cut! klaus gets the love and support HE needs!! and decides (with ben’s input) that he needs to at least attempt to be a good role model bc five has already asked him if the drugs are more important than family when klaus tried to duck out of an allison movie night! diego gets to leak his protective instincts all over five and also take out his anger issues on the commission agents being sent after them! five gets to have an actual childhood even if he does chafe sometimes at his siblings being weird and protective!

literally the apocalypse is ended by five gasping and saying “WAIT can we go to the ZOO?” and making them all go on family trips together where everyone is included because!! they’re his siblings! he wants everyone to be there! he’s gonna see a lion motherfuckers! in person!

also a lot of the things five thinks of are things the siblings just,, never had time for. so it’s a first experience for a lot of them, and so no one really has a good reason to say no?? because they kind of want to go, too?

five, literally vibrating in excitement: i want to go on a roller coaster

like i know you said about preteen rebellion but look he’s come out into a world where his dad is dead and so there’s the potential to do ALL the things he’s always wanted to do but knew dad would never let him like holy shit!! family laser tag! paintball! let’s take a roadtrip to the beach guys i’ve never seen the ocean!! let’s go ice skating! go on a ferris wheel! eat ice cream on the couch! throw popcorn at the tv! lets blast abba songs through the house and make a blanket fort!!!

like it’s gonna take a while to get through the exhausting excitement of “LOOK AT ALL THESE FORMERLY FORBIDDEN THINGS I CAN TRY”

and just throughout this they’re dispatching commission agents and fighting hazel and cha-cha and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with that as well as teaching vanya how to control her powers which everyone is trying to help out with and also dealing with five literally bouncing off the walls one half of the time and the other half of the time being passed out somewhere due to running out of energy

“klaus i want to get a puppy” “we are absolutely doing that, no ben we don’t need to consult anyone else about this” “i’m gonna name him mr. pennycrumb” “you do that buddy why the fuck not”

but yes. what an absolutely blessed and happy au. i love u and tell ur friend that i love them, too

prevent the apocalypse through the power of reconnecting with your inner child and dragging your family along behind you

[quirrel]

I have some Jojo aus I’d really like to work on but I’m too busy or too lazy to do it so I’m just gonna dump them here (My English is terrible so please be nice asdfasdf)

Passione Dance Academy AU (Gionara) (All of them are two years older than they are in canon)

Note: I know nothing how dance academies work and I gotta learn before I write this but here’s what I got so far

Bruno and Abbacchio are teachers, Bruno teaches breakdance/hip hop and Abbacchio teaches ballet, they’re roommates, they’re not together as a couple yet but it’s mostly because Abba is a dumbass

Narancia lives with his uncle Formaggio (yes, uncle), they started to live together after Narancia’s mother died and his father neglected him, they don’t hate each other but Formaggio doesn’t really stay at home enough time to bond with Narancia, they also have like 5 cats

Fugo lives with Bruno and Abbacchio after his parents threw him away, but surprise! Fugo’s grandma is alive and well and she sends him cash for stuff he needs, she also visits him every now and then so his family won’t find out

Mista lives alone in a tiny apartment, he befriended the family of 6 mice that live in the air vent

Trish is the daughter of the headmaster Diavolo, they don’t really bond too much and mostly spends her time with her uncle Vinnegar

Giorno was adopted by Jonathan and Erina when he was 8 after Dio disappeared, he has a decent relationship with them and the rest of the Joestar but addresses Jonathan and Erina as his uncle and aunt rather and not as his parents (This will change as the story progresses)

Mista, Fugo, and Narancia study with Bruno while Giorno and Trish study with Abbacchio

I’m not really sure how the story would go because I want drama and romance and goofiness in it, I just know the three nerds saw Giorno and Trish in a performance made by the school, they don’t really talk to each other until one day after classes the three nerds see Trish throwing hands with a dumbass (she was winning) and they go help her to take him down, she’s still a bit shaken after it so they ask her if she wants company till her uncle comes and gets her, that’s how their friendship starts, she mostly visits him in their classroom because her classes finish first, she knew Bruno because he visits her ballet classes to see Abbachio so he lets her stay and see the class, but one day she has to stay late fo rehearse some things with her classmates so the three nerds go to her class instead, that’s when they meet Giorno (Fugo already knew him, he also knew Trish too but only from sight cause they used to attend the same school), Narancia already thought Giorno’s perfomance was good in that show the school had but seeing it closer he thought it was the most beautiful thing he could’ve seen, thus start Narancia’s crush on Giorno and the shenanigans of a bunch of friends who love to dance

Also, I might involve mafia things in here too but I’m not sure yet asdasdfa

Reimi survived Kira’s attack AU 

Everything is the same AU except Reimi never died

She was attacked by Kira, yes, but she and Rohan managed to survive, she has ugly scars in her back but that’s only it

Arnold also survives but he dies of old age

They never got to see Kira’s face, after leaving the hospital they stayed in Morioh for a couple of years and so, she still was Rohan’s babysitter, also baby Rohan considered Reimi his hero

Reimi still was a nervous wreck after the attack, so her parents decided to move from Morioh, it made baby Rohan sad but she and Reimi became pen pals for a while until their lifestyles started to take away their time to write cards

Reimi’s will to survive and strength to continue with her life after the attack gave her a stand, I still don’t have a name for it but it works like the cursed alley of Morioh, if Reimi is standing in a closed space/hallway she can activate her stand and drag someone’s soul to wherever the cursed hallway sends them

She became a private investigator and helped to solve a lot of cases, she also became some sort of vigilante, saving people with her stand

Years later she got a card from Rohan, where he told her he was moving to Morioh and would like to catch up with her, Reimi is happy to hear about her old friend, but also worried, because of all the disappearances in Morioh, she believes it might be connected to the one who attacked her when she was younger, so she takes this as an excuse to not only visit Rohan but to find out the truth about all the disappearances

She appears a bit after Rohan is introduced, I don’t know, I just like the idea of Rohan having an actual person he cares about, she’s like a big sister figure to him and everyone is super confused, Rohan is supposed to hate everyone and everything, seeing him getting along with a nice and gentle woman is so weird and confusing. I also like the idea of Reimi being super disappointed on him for treating everyone in Morioh the way he does. Rohan also never uses Heaven’s door on Reimi, not only due to respect to her (and because it gives them time to sit down and talk) but because he believes she knows nothing about stands, Reimi also doesn’t know everyone else has stands but she eventually finds out before Rohan can even tell her lol, also everyone else in Morioh never tells her Rohan also has a stand

The arc with Cheap Trick happens like it does but Reimi helps Rohan, finally revealing her stand to him (Rohan: You had a stand this whole time?! | Koichi: Wait, you didn’t know? | Rohan: DID YOU TELL KOICHI FIRST AND NOT ME?! | Reimi: Actually uh, everyone else knows about it | Rohan: *BETRAYED GASP*) Reimi also reveals her true intention for coming back to Morioh, so she finally informs the gang about the things she had been investigating

Touhou AU

Everyone has cute puffy dresses, Idk I just wanna draw the Jojo characters with Touhou aesthetics and all that jazz

Giorno is helped by a small kid the same way he helped that gangster when he was younger AU  (All of them are seven years older than they are in canon) (I’m tempted to make it Gionara but I’m not really sure)

I’m not sure how it happens yet, but it happens, except Giorno is more present in that kid’s life and in the end he adopts the kid and everyone loves the small child *cries*

The entire Stone Ocean Story except Annasui is a woman and is actually nicer AU

Let’s call her Anne Sue to not make it too complicated

She ended up in jail after killing her ex-boyfriend, it was in self-defense but she panicked and ended up stabbing him more than she originally intended to, the jury ended up sending her to jail because of it

She and Jolyne don’t get along at first but after defeating their first enemy together they become friends, and as the story progresses they fall in love

She’s actually nicer and not creep like Annasui, she and F.F. become besties, Weather and her are like siblings, she also gets along with Hermes but there’s some rivalry between them after they both ended up in a tie after a competition of who can eat more chillis

She can be a bit bad tempered, especially when a situation becomes more and more stressful, but she’s usually good at keeping herself focused until whatever was going on is done

She likes to dismantle things too

She panics when she meets Jotaro and blurts out “Please let me marry your daughter!” Then regrets it because she never properly confessed to Jolyne before lmao

Jojo Macross AU (SheiTrish) (All of them are three years older than they are in canon)

I,,,,,,,,, Really love Macross Frontier,,,,,,

Trish is a famous Pop Star known across the entire universe, her stage name is “Mafia Queen” or something like that, her aesthetic changes a lot

Sheila E. is a pilot in training along Fugo, Mista and Narancia, they took the job to be in Trish’s concert so they can fly around and do some air acrobatics

Pericolo is Trish’s manager and he wants Trish to interact with more people her age in a normal way so he asks Sheila E. and the three nerds to hang out with Trish

Everything is a mess, not only the guys managed to embarrass themselves in front of Trish, they kinda made her uncomfortable, so Sheila (who hasn’t spoken too much from the beginning) ask Trish if she wanna go somewhere else without the nerds, Trish accepts and so they leave them behind

Sheila sends them a text later so they won’t worry (Also because she needs the job and doesn’t want Pericolo to think she kidnapped Trish)

The girls have fun and that's how the story starts

I still don’t have much on this one, except later in the story they find out Trish’s voice has the same power Ranka’s voice had and she ends up helping the pilots in order to defeat the [Enemy Alien space of turn]