#I realized I never posted this one...and figured minus well ^^

[iimexpensiive]

Mount Huaguo (better know as Flower Fruit Mountain) is actually still safe and flourishing. This is due to Wukong having erecting a barrier and sealing the mountain as well as it's people inside their own little pocket dimension where neither Heaven nor the Mortal realm can touch them. It's also the reason his staff is 'lost' as he used it to seal and maintain the barrier around it. He hasn't been home in eons now and doesn't have any plans to really return, feeling like a disgrace to his people and thinking they're better off without him. At the very least he knows they are safe and flourishing even without him, having made sure before he left and assuring that no one would be able to pass through the barrier either. To anyone on the outside, it just looks like a stretch of desert and even if they get closer they won't pass through the 'entrance'. The staff also just looks like a simple wooden stick in the ground or such, only those who are 'allowed' to enter can see it as Ruyi Jingu Bang or even enter the barrier surrounding the mountains. Which isn't many.

[torturedtypewritersdept]

proclivity - part four - savior complex

✯ pairing:

ex!bff!rafe cameron x diabetic!kook!fem!reader

✯ summary:

at one point in time rafe was your best friend. can summer romance erase all the damage he's done?

✯ [4.1k] warnings:

mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, heartbreak, diabetes lingo, injury, ghosting, fluff and fear, domestic violence (not rafe), mean!ex!jj etc.

✯ a/n:

nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was origianlly posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity and i have rewritten + reshared it here :) trying out a new format with this post, hope you like it!

As you pulled away from the kiss, panting, you searched Rafe’s eyes and only found solace in them. Why did this feel so right? Was it the greenhouse or the beauty of the plants surrounding you, the hues of green in the leaves that towered over your figure? Was it the romance or the pouring rain? You couldn’t put your finger on it and then, his blue eyes bore into yours and you could. It was Rafe. It was the man of your dreams kissing you at the college you’d both attend. You’d dreamed about this moment forever, thinking it would never really come and yet, you had your guard up, wondering when things got tough, if he’d run away again. 

“Rafe-” 

He kissed you passionately again, cutting off your words, both hands cradling your cheeks like his life depended on it. You chuckled.

“Rafe..” 

You placed your hands against his chest, pushing him away.

“What is it, sweet girl?” 

His tone was kind. It stung. You wanted him as close as you could get him, his sweet voice replaying over and over again in your ears forever.  

“I-, w-we can’t do this.” 

You stuttered out.

“What do you mean?” 

The hurt washed over his face and you immediately regretted the words that left your lips. 

“I’ve wanted this with you forever and-” 

Your words were cut off by Rafe once more, his pleading eyes, begging you not to let the moment end.

“Then, have it with me. I’m right here.” 

Before your brain could register its next move, the words were spewing out of your mouth at an aggressive volume.

“You have a reputation with girls, okay?” 

You said forcefully.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

He asks, accusingly. Though, the hurt laced in his blue eyes makes your chest tight. 

“It means I can’t be another one of your conquests. I can’t be another girl at a party or in your truck or on your lap in a golf cart if you’re not going to care about me next week. I’ve been there before, I can’t do it again.” 

You blurted out without thinking, really. But, you can’t deny the words – you meant them. The truth was, you had been that girl, minus the sex, you’d been his girl and then one day, like whiplash after a car accident, you’d woken up and he was gone. You knew you wouldn’t be able to handle that again.  

“Is that what you think of me?” 

His head hung low as he whispered. Before you were able to reply, your thoughts were quickly shoved away when the dinging of your phone erupted from within your backpack that still sat on Rafe’s shoulders. His features softened as yours fell. 

“You feel okay? Is that the tone for your blood sugar?” 

He asks gently. 

“It always does some stupid shit at the worst conceivable time.” 

He could tell you beat yourself about it, your illness. He wondered why, no one could help being sick. Who had made you feel like it was a problem? You looked down at your phone as Rafe handed it to you and realized your blood sugar was fine, you perked up at that. But, mentally cursed at Topper’s contact flashing across your screen. 

“I’m okay, Rafe. Don’t worry. It’s just Top.” 

You gave him a reassuring smile and he returned it. The words from moments ago seemingly forgotten, at least for now. 

“Hello?” 

You asked, clearing the phlegm from your throat. 

“Hey, where are you guys?”

He questioned. 

“We’re in the arboretum.” 

You replied with the hint of a smile. 

“You and that fucking greenhouse, I swear. Okay, well. Let’s get a move on. It’s pouring rain and I’m ready to go home.” 

Topper’s attitude had hurt you more than usual and your smile quickly faltered. 

“O-okay. We’ll be there soon.” 

You spoke into the speaker, trying to keep your voice even as you ended the call. 

“Everything okay?” 

Rafe asked, hesitantly. 

“Yeah, Topper just being Topper. He’s ready to go home because of the rain.” 

You let out a defeated chuckle, eyes tracing to your feet. Rafe had heard what Topper said. You and that fucking greenhouse. Rafe never understood how Topper could be so tone deaf, such a fucking idiot. Why was loving beautiful things so wrong? 

“Okay.” 

Rafe nodded and led you out of the front door of the greenhouse. This time there was no hand on your back or smile from him and you had never craved his warmth so much. There were no words exchanged between the two of you, only your guilt eating away at your core and before you knew it you were back at the Jeep. Rafe didn’t open your door for you and at that revelation, you swallowed thickly and tears lined your eyes. You had ruined your one chance with him. Topper and Kelce were taken aback by the sudden rigidity between you and the Cameron boy, but knew better than to say anything about it. They only assumed the happiness was short lived and you’d go back to hating each other. The car ride was long and agonizing and after two hours of radio silence from Rafe, you were in shambles. So you did what any teenager with no self respect would, you texted him. 

Y: Can we talk? 

R: for what 

Y: i’m sorry 

R: why 

Y: I was mean and you didn’t deserve that, just got scared 

R: scared? Of what? 

Y: you. 

R: why would you be scared of me? 

Y: because I know what kind of hurt your absence can bring. 

He didn’t respond to the last text and you took that as the final nail in the coffin. You had fucked this up. This entire day was perfect until you opened your big fat dumb fucking mouth and now the intimacy, the closeness, the Rafe you had so desperately prayed for was slipping out of your grasp. You could almost cry, but you knew if you started you’d never stop. Brought out of your thoughts by Rafe’s gruff voice, you looked to him as he spoke to Topper. 

“Just go to Y/N’s house instead of mine.” 

Your face fell and you started to spiral, he had taken back his dinner invitation and you could no longer hold in your tears, scared he was going to go away again, this time maybe permanently. You simply couldn’t bear that pain again.

“Are you alright, Y/N?” 

Topper questioned, worry lacing his features as he took in the look on your face. 

“Yeah, m’fine.” 

The tone of your voice made the hair on the back of Rafe’s neck stand up. It was flat, in a broken, numb sort of way. He hadn’t heard you use that tone since the night he took Maggie Mills up to his room after a party. He never understood why that had upset you so much. He looked at you, watching as tears threatened to spill from the corners of your eyes and you stared at the floorboard of Top’s car. You couldn’t feel anything, numbness over taking your body. He placed his hand on your shoulder, begging you to look at him, but your eyes remained locked on the floor. You couldn’t face him, not now, not after you had ruined things with him, again. You were brought away from the sadness by the ding of your phone. It was Rafe, again. 

R: please tell me what’s wrong 

Y: isn’t it obvious 

R: no, please tell me 

Y: you don’t want me at dinner now. You don’t want me.

R: what? 

Rafe began to put two and two together and visibly winced at the fear he had struck within you. 

R: I just wanted you to have fresh clothes. I’m sorry, I should’ve said that. Please don’t cry, pretty girl. I’d never do that to you. 

You didn’t reply to his message, but he looked on as your body slowly began to relax and reached over, wiping the tears from your cheeks and giving you a subtle smile. You returned it. Rafe had always catered to your anxiety, but he hadn’t been around you in so long, he almost couldn’t recognize it when it overcame you. Topper pulled into your driveway soon after and you were quick to rush inside, slipping into a new dress, adorned with pale pink lilies, and grabbing extra insulin before making your way back out to the jeep and climbing in next to Rafe. You quickly unzipped the bag that sat in between the two of you and shoved the insulin inside and you looked down at your phone, checking your levels one more time. They were still fairly normal, reading at 85 mg. Rafe looked over your shoulder, making sure your levels were okay and he was pleased when he saw they were. He knew it had been a long time since you’d eaten and you needed real food soon. As the sound of Topper’s brakes bringing the car to a halt met your ears, you locked eyes with Rafe who hopped out of the car almost immediately. 

“Well boys, this was fun. I’ll see you two soon.” 

You say with a false cheek. 

“Bye, beautiful.” 

Kelce muttered, dragging out the “L” on his last word. Topper simply nodded his head in your direction, unsure of what was going on between you and Rafe, but too tired to ask questions. By the time you had said your goodbyes to both boys, Rafe had made his way around to the side of the car and opened your door, helping you out with the grasp of his hand. 

“Thanks, Rafe.” 

You whispered, looking at the ground, still too spooked to look him in the eye. 

“No problem, pretty girl.” 

He smiled in response to your gratitude and the both of you made your way into the house. 

“Rafe, is that you?” 

Rose called to him as you both entered the foyer. 

“Yeah, it’s us.” 

He called back to her. She quickly emerged from the kitchen, meeting you both in the huge room, giving her greetings and ushering you over to the table where you were met with your father’s disapproving eyes. 

“Honey! It’s so good to see you. I was wondering where you were all day.” 

Your mother chimed in, walking over to you, placing a kiss on your cheek. 

“Hi, mama. Yeah, Rafe, Topper, Kelce, and I left early this morning to tour UNC. We made it back just in time for dinner.” 

“That’s wonderful, sweet girl! Did you love it?” 

She questioned. 

“Yes. Rafe took me to the greenhouse.” 

You smiled, but it quickly faded as you looked over at him, remembering the events that followed. He didn’t meet your gaze. 

“Rafe! Thank you, that’s been my girl’s dream for quite some time, being in that greenhouse, with you especially.” 

She smiled brightly in his direction and gave him a wink. Your cheeks flushed, embarrassed at your mother’s outburst of too much fucking information. Rafe let out a low chuckle and your brother, Brock, opened his mouth to speak. 

“Hopefully she wasn’t too much trouble for you, today, Rafe.” 

He spoke, his tone demeaning. 

“She’s never any trouble, she’s my best girl.” 

Rafe responded in an even, joking tone, in an attempt to diffuse the situation before his temper got the best of him. His hand made its way to your thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze. When did your brother become such a dick and what gave him the right to speak about you like you weren’t in the room? The subject quickly changed as Rose and Ward began asking you and Rafe about the campus and your majors. 

“So, Y/N, what are you thinking of majoring in?” 

Ward questioned. 

“I’d like to go into English with a minor in entrepreneurship. I’d like to take some business classes, too, I think.” 

You responded. 

“That’s wonderful! Business and English are two things that will help you so much in the working world.” 

He replied, truly excited for you. He’s always been one of your favorite adults. 

“Yeah, thank you! I think so too.” 

You replied with a sweet smile. 

“You know, you could always intern at Cameron Development this summer and get some hands on training with Rafe, Brock, and I.” 

He suggested. 

“Thank you, Ward. I seriously would love that!” 

You smiled his way, unsure if you’d take him up on his offer. It would look good on college applications and it would mean more time with Rafe, those were both good things, right? 

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, y/n. I don’t know that you could handle the workload, what with your condition and all.” 

Brock said quickly with a sneer. You cast your eyes immediately down to where your hands sat in your lap. 

“What about you, Rafe?” 

Your mother questioned him, ignoring your brother. It hurt that they oftentimes bowed down to his asshole nature, not wanting to fight with him. Sometimes you just wanted to feel fought for.  

“Dad and I have been talking about me going to business school and running the company eventually.” 

Rafe replied quietly, still unsure he had heard Brock correctly. Because the guy he knew loved his sister, he wouldn’t be treating you like this, especially not in public. 

“Of course! You’re a smart young man, it’s only fitting. You have a bright future ahead of you.” 

She replied with a cheerful tone. 

“Thank you, that means so much coming from you.” 

He replied with a kind smile. He always loved your mother and her sweet words meant the world to him. The familiar beep of your glucose monitor brought your attention away from the conversation and toward your phone in your lap. Rafe watched you intently, reading the levels over your shoulder. 80mg. ‘That can’t be good’, he thought. 

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” 

He whispered into your ear and you met his eyes. 

“I’m not feeling good, but I’m fine. I need to eat soon.” 

You responded, reassuring him. Even though you knew your levels were getting dangerously low. 

“How much longer on the food, Rose?” 

Rafe questioned. 

“About 5 minutes.” 

She smiled, letting him know it would be right out. Thirty seconds passed and the alert on your phone beeped loudly once more. You averted your gaze from your brother’s eyes and let out a sigh, but that didn’t stop his mouth from opening. 

“Not this shit again.” 

He spoke, boldly. 

“What did you just say?” 

Rafe’s tone was coated with venom, as he gave your brother a tight lipped smile, urging him to repeat himself, daring him to. 

“I’m just tired of the same shit everyday. She needs sugar, she needs insulin, blah, blah, blah. Everything is always about her.” 

He gritted out. 

“Oh you’re tired of it?! How the fuck do you think she feels?” 

Your father interjected, keeping his voice low, his kind honey-colored eyes becoming dark at Brock’s words. He’s clearly had enough. 

“Well, I’m sorry, this might not be my place. But, I don’t think she’s thrilled about it either and here she is dealing with it. It went off and she sighed, all she did was fucking sigh. She didn’t demand attention from everyone in the room. All she did was fucking sigh and you know what? She’s allowed to do that. She’s allowed to be frustrated about something that is wrong with her body. You could show some fucking compassion.” 

Rafe growled. 

“Rafael Joseph Cameron! Language!” 

Ward spoke Rafe’s full name, his tone laced with warning. 

“What dad?! You can’t let him talk about her like that!” 

He said, exasperatedly. 

“Ward, it’s really okay. He deserves to be bitched at.” 

Your mother spoke, sticking up for Rafe. 

“She’s a type one diabetic, not a fucking drug addict and i’ll be damned if I let you sit here and treat her like one.” 

At Rafe’s words the table fell silent. His father knew what the weight of his words carried, and now, so did you. Luckily for you, Rose served you your food first after the meal was done cooking and your sugar quickly went back up to normal levels, which was a giant relief to Rafe. Most of the dinner was silent after the conversation fizzled out. The words of your father affected you more than you cared to admit, yet not as much as Rafe’s. Rafe stood up for you in a room with two men that scared the shit out of you, all without batting an eye or worrying about a consequence. He stood up to his father for you and you knew you couldn’t just let that go. The conversations quickly became about business and Rafe watched as you mentally checked out, which probed his next question to you.

“Why don’t we go out to the dock, sweet girl?” 

You simply nodded in response, thankful to him for saving you from listening to your brother’s bullshit business plans any longer. Rafe helped you out of your chair and pushed it in behind you, leading you out the patio doors with his large hand placed on the small of your back. You quickly made your way to the dock on the other side of the cool grass, taking your shoes off and plunging your feet in as you sat on the edge of where the wood met the water. 

“You okay?” 

He asked, his cerulean eyes taking in your form. 

“Yeah, I am. Thank you for sticking up for me in there.” 

You gave him your best smile, even though he could see right through it. 

“How long has he been treating you that way?” 

“Since the day I came home from the hospital.” 

You whispered, but Rafe heard you, loud and clear. 

“Can you tell me about it? I mean, what happened when you got sick.” 

You swallowed thickly. Talking about your illness was easy but talking about it with Rafe was just different. He wasn’t there when you got sick and you resented him for it, but you also resented yourself for not giving him the opportunity to be. 

“It happened the Thursday after we stopped talking. I was with Topper, we were at the club, just swinging some golf balls and dicking around. He was with me everyday that week just to make sure I was handling things well and I wasn’t, so I’m glad I had him.” 

You said, with no particular emotion. 

“I’m sorry.” 

He whispered out, hanging his head in shame. 

“You don’t have to apologize Rafe, I’m not here to make you feel guilty. I just-, if I’m gonna tell you what happened, I have to tell the whole story.” 

You replied, trying to reassure him. 

“I know and I want to know everything.” 

He stated with a sheepish smile, nodding his head for you to continue. 

“I told Top I wasn’t feeling good that morning, but I thought it was just because I was hungover and when we went to play golf, I figured I’d be fine. But when we got to the third hole, I noticed that I was kinda nauseous and dizzy and my hands were shaking. I heard Top ask if I was okay before I hit the ground but I couldn’t register anything. Evidently he had called an ambulance because I woke up in the ICU three days later. They said I had a seizure and went into diabetic shock, which is when we found out I had type one.” 

You finished with a swirl of anxiety in your belly. 

“As much as it pains me to say this, I’m thankful you had Top.” 

Rafe smiled into his joke. His distaste for the closeness Topper shared with you had always been prevalent, but especially after the two of you had gone your separate ways. 

“Yeah, the funny thing is, I laid in that hospital bed for days willing myself to call you but I couldn’t do it.” 

You said suddenly. 

“I wish you would have.” 

Your eyes flickered up to meet his immediately. 

“I couldn’t do that to you. You decided you wanted a life without me in it and I respected that even if I didn’t understand it. I never wanted me being sick to be the reason you came back, I wanted you to come back because you wanted to. But it hurt like hell that I had to walk through that without you.” 

Rafe quickly pulled you in and wrapped his large hand around the back of your head, pooling your hair in his hands. He hugged you tightly and suddenly it felt like all the broken pieces of your heart had been mended. 

“I’m so sorry, sweet girl. Please, forgive me.” 

His voice broke as the words stumbled out of his mouth. He felt like there was no air in his lungs and all he knew was that he needed your forgiveness like he needed to breathe. He pulled back, holding you by your shoulders, looking to your eyes for confirmation of the hatred he was sure you felt for him, yet he couldn’t find it. 

“I forgave you a long time ago, Rafael.” 

You spoke softly, giving him the sweetest smile you could muster up. 

“Y/N, I need you to know that I’m never going to leave you again.” 

He said so sure – more sure of anything than he has ever been in his entire life. 

“I appreciate that Rafe and I hope it’s true. It’s just so hard for me to trust that.” 

You replied candidly. 

“I know and I’m going to work everyday to prove to you that you can trust me.” 

He responded, willing to do anything to prove that to you. 

“I hope you do.” 

He nodded, giving you the reassurance you needed. 

“So, uh, where’d you learn to kiss like that?” 

He asked, sheepishly, as he rubbed his hand against the back of his neck - one of his many nervous habits. His voice came out small and awkward and it made you laugh. 

“I don’t know, Cameron. Where did you learn to kiss like that?” 

Your eyes met, as you nudged his shoulder, which made him smile. 

“Lots of practice.” 

He replied and you visibly winced at the words that you had spoken to him earlier. You have a reputation with girls, okay? The hurt that laced his irises when the words left your lips would haunt you forever. 

“Hey, listen, about what I said earlier-” 

You began, but didn’t get to finish. 

“It’s okay, I deserved it.” 

He replied, his head hanging low. You gently lifted his chin, so his eyes met yours.

“You didn’t, not from me.” 

You said, very matter-of-factly. 

“What do you mean?” 

He asked, scrunching his eyebrows together. 

“I mean, I’ve always been your person – the one you tell anything to. It isn’t fair of me to project my shit onto you, so I’m sorry. That’s not what I think of you, Rafe and I need you to know that. I just got scared.” 

You replied, laying your heart directly in his hands. 

“Why are you so scared, sweet girl?” 

He wasn’t trying to pry, he just genuinely didn’t understand what you had to be afraid of, surely it wasn’t him. 

“I just-, I went through some things with JJ.” 

He nodded, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together in his brain.

“I see. You know you can talk to me, right? I mean – if you want to tell me, ya know, I’m the guy you tell.” 

He replied, assurance laced in his blue orbs. 

“Yeah, I do and I will when I’m ready.” 

He nodded, taking your answer as gospel. He knew you’d tell him when you were ready. He quickly changed the subject.

“What days are you working this week?” 

He questioned. 

“Uh-, Tomorrow, Wednesday, and Friday. Why?” 

You asked, confused. 

“Is it okay if I come see you?” 

He questioned, voice sheepish, unable to make eye contact with you in fear of your rejection. That’s what all this has been about to begin with hasn’t it – the years away from you, the fear that he just wasn’t enough. 

“You can always come see me. But, why do you want to hang out at the club?” 

You smiled in his direction, noting how respectful it was for him not to just show up. 

“I am a member, you know?” 

He joked and flush filled your cheeks. Bold of you to assume he'd be there for you, you thought. He must have noticed the change in your demeanor, because he grabbed your hand and lifted your chin. 

“I want to spend time with you, silly girl and I can only gain your trust by spending all the time I can with you.” 

You smiled at him. 

“Thank you, Rafe. That’s sweet.” 

You looked in his eyes, thanking him for more than just his sweet words and he had no idea. 

-

You walked into the club at 4pm the next day, spotting Rafe immediately as he sat at the bar, waiting for your inevitable arrival. You were shocked to see him, even though he said he’d come. Truth be told, you hadn’t taken most of what Rafe Cameron said seriously in the last few years, but him showing up meant something to you. It meant more to you than you cared to admit.  After you clocked in and made your way behind the bar, your eyes met his. 

“Well, hey pretty girl.” 

He flashed you that Rafe Cameron smile and it was over. You were done for. 

“Hello, Rafael, to what do I owe this pleasure?” 

You said, smiling back at him. 

“Just wanted to hang out with my girl, that’s all.” 

He replied cheekily. You rolled your eyes playfully.

“She’s working.” 

You retorted, a fun-loving tone soaking your tongue, dispersing from him to check on your tables. You glanced his way a few times, only to be met with eyes studying your form. Your co-worker Emily made her way over to you, noticing his gaze. 

“So, why is Rafe Cameron being a creepy stalker and staring you down like a serial killer?” 

You chuckled, Emily or Em as she was known by her friends, had quite the knack for being dramatic. 

“Em, he is not a serial killer or creepy!” 

You yelped, rolling your eyes at her. 

“Whatever you say, angel. But, I better not see your face on the side of a milk carton any time soon.” 

You jokingly rolled your eyes at her and made your way back to the bar. You wanted to chat with Rafe for a bit while the club was slow, but he was heading out for the night and that stung a little. As he gathered his wallet and keys in his hands, you snuck up behind him, placing your arm at the small of his back. 

“You just gonna leave with no goodbye?” 

You smiled up at him, secretly hoping that wasn’t his intention. His face lit up at the sight of your smiling face beaming up at him and he relished in the feeling of your hand on his back, touching him like this. 

“No way, pretty girl. Never. Dad called and needed me home, something with Sarah.” 

He responded. 

“Okay. Well, be careful.” 

You replied. 

“Always am. You call if you need me to take you home, okay?” 

He asks, but it’s not a question. 

“Okay, Rafael. Be good.” 

You smiled at him, squeezing his hand before letting him go and watching him walk out the front door. The rest of the night drug by, Sundays were usually very busy with Kildare residents playing golf while heavily intoxicated, but most of the traffic died down around dinner time. It was your night to close so you were by yourself after Emily went home at 4 and that meant blasting Taylor Swift while you started closing the club down for the night. You wiped the tables down first, belting out the lyrics to your favorite Taylor song to date I Almost Do. You could remember it having a different meaning when you and Rafe had parted ways, singing it at the top of your lungs in your bedroom, willing yourself to pick up the phone and call him. Now, the words didn’t sting as much and instead, you just wanted to feel his warmth. It was no longer the song of your heart, now it was just another song. Those feelings seemed so far away and you couldn’t help but feel thankful. You were brought out of your thoughts by none other than JJ Maybank busting through the front door of the club and you knew this could only mean disaster. You locked eyes with him and that devilish smirk that he somehow always sported sent chills down your spine. 

“Miss me, angel?” 

He questioned, hiss in his tone. You ignored him, which you knew better than to do. You knew what it would do to him. You knew it drove him absolutely insane, but you did it anyway because it felt good. 

“Look at me when I’m talking to you!” 

His yell echoed through the building and the fear that you remembered so well returned. 

“What, JJ? What do you want?” 

You scoffed. 

“I want your attention, honey.” 

He spoke softer now and you couldn’t help but think wow, what a psycho. 

“Sorry, you’ve lost that privilege.” 

“I haven’t lost anything, darling. Don’t forget who you belong to.” 

His sneer was sinister and you knew what he meant, what he was capable of. As he walked out of the door, tears filled your vision. You wanted so badly to call Rafe but you knew it would only mean disaster. He couldn’t know everything, yet. So, instead you finished closing the club and went home. 

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[thewritetofreespeech]

Heyo!! Could I request Dali learning that his s/o has been teaching the kids (minus Ul cause he's a baby) how to defend themselves?

Dali wasn't sure what woke him up. Maybe it was the sun warming his back a little too much. Maybe it was his hand falling asleep next to him as the numb tingling crawling up the rest of his arm. What he was sure of, was that it was not the sound of children that woke him.

The noble lifted his head from his desk. Scrubbing his eyes and wiping the drool from his chin. Trying to make sense of his surroundings and how long he had been out for.

“Good morning, Master Dali.” He turned to see Clara in the door way. Prepared to enter the room with a tea tray and her ever calming smile.

“Morning?”

“Just a figure of speech in this instance, Master Dali.” She clarified as she pour the tea. “It's actually the afternoon. But I thought that would be more confusing after your nap than if I just said 'good morning'.”

Dali hummed. Appreciating some logic in that as he sipped his tea. “I'm making a very poor figure of a father if I keep falling asleep on the job.”

Clara chuckled. “Even parents need their rest, Master Dali. Especially, need their rest.” She said with a manner of expert on the subject. “If you would take a bit of a break now & then, these sudden spells would not keep happening.”

“Never.” He would not give up, nor abandon his promise.

Suddenly Dali realized how quite it was, “where are the children anyway?”

“[Y/N] took the children outside to play, citing the need for quite in here. The other gentlemen well...they left upon message from Lord Johannes and decided it best to leave you here.”

Dali frowned. “Abandoning their post at the first sign of weakness. What blackhearts I've been matched with.” Clara smiled, knowing that Dali was just joking, and he sat down his tea cup. “Outside you said?”

The nanny nodded and told him they were out in the east courtyard, knowing he would go find them. It did not take Dali long to do just that. Finding [Y/N] with the children quickly and spotted them playing. Only, as he got closer and started to slow his strides, he realized that ‘playing’ might not be the correct term.

“Very good Angelico. Superb thrust! Raphael, you need to plant your feet more or you will stumble.” Raphael hung his head, but pitter-pattered his feet around to re-place them and held up his branch turned sword. “Lucia, Elena, why aren’t you practicing?”

“We’re bored!” The girls chime in together. “We don’t want to practice anymore.”

“Yeah. Besides, ladies aren’t supposed to fight.” The girls add one after the other.

“Oooh? So, you would rather rely on men do things for you.” [Y/N] gestured to the ‘men’ beside them as the boys all looked offended, but didn’t seem to understand why. “Even ladies need to know how to defend themselves. Dashing prince and knights are not as easy to come by as in your stories. Should the situation arise, and no prince is available, you’ll need to take care of each other on your own.” The girls seemed to understand and nod before they both pick up their sticks again.

[Y/N] then lifted their own sword, the only real one in attendance, and settled into a starting position common for training. “Now, the key is to keep your weight on your back foot so you can balance but also use it to propel yourself forward. If someone is coming at you, you only have a moment in most cases to strike!” [Y/N] demonstrated a few quick thrusts, to which all the children awe over, while Dali appalled as he came out of the shadows.

“Wise words from an even wiser instructor.” He praised.

“Father,” Raphael said as he looked to his father, “have you come to teach us as well?”

“I would be a poor substitute for [Y/N]’s masterful tutoring.” Dali teased. “This is what you’ve been doing with the children when you’re ‘playing’.”

“I meant what I said.” [Y/N] stated. Seeming to not be even a little bit deterred in their secret lesson plan. “Dashing prince and knights are hard to come by. The children should be prepared to defend themselves. Now, or whenever the time comes.”

Dali smiled. “You’ll get no argument from me. I would like Raphael to one day follow in my footsteps in Vlad, should he so choose. The sword will have to come second nature to him, best start early.”

Dali then dismissed the children from the lesson, citing that it was time for tea, and they all hurry back to the manor. “I appreciate you taking an interest in their safety, [Y/N].” He told the other when they were alone. “But aren’t they a little young?”

“I was about their age when I started learning the sword. Perhaps that’s why I was always better at it than you.” Dali held his heart, pretending to be wounded, but the adults walk back to the manor as well together. Close enough to be hand in hand if one were to squint.

“So I know ‘dashing prince’ are hard to come by, but what about handsome nobles?”

[Y/N] hummed in thought. “I don’t know. You’ll have to let me know when you find one.” Now Dali was really wounded. “But obnoxious, know it all, too cocky for their own good nobles with ‘ok’ smiles seem to be a dime a dozen.”

Dali growled playfully at [Y/N] and gave them a few seconds head start before he chased them the rest of the way back to the manor. He’d have to teach them a lesson of his own later.

[newtthetranswriter]

He Would Want You To Be Happy

(Art by me, it is also being posted to day over on my main blog)

Summary: Nacht was never a fan of his birthday for obvious reasons. Asta wants to celebrate it and after Yami foils Y/n’s plan to keep it a secret, Y/n needs to comfort and talk some sense into the Shadow mage.

Word count: 4314

Paring: Nacht Faust x Gn! Reader

Warnings: Talk about Morgen's death and Nacht’s self deprecation, talk of smoking and cigarettes, possibly ooc Nacht, possibly grammar or spelling mistakes

A/n: just wanted to say Happy Birthday to Nacht, the moody mage who would love MCR if he ever listened to it. Any way If you couldn’t tell this is just something i wrote for Nacht from Black Clovers Birthday. It’s a little angsty and a little fluffy, but I hope y’all enjoy. Anyways, have a great day and Remember to hydrate or diedrate. (we wouldn’t want y’all ending up like Morgen now would we.)

    I’ve known for a long time that Nacht hates his birthday, and like every year before now I was planning to ignore it like I agreed when I first heard his reason for not liking it. Sadly it seemed that not all of the Bulls were aware of Nacht’s past and well Asta being Asta, started pestering me about when the Vice Captain’s birthday was. I had tried to just focus on going on missions and ignoring the young man, but damn is he persistent. His pestering lasted from the moment I left mine and Nacht’s room in the morning to when I went back to bed, of course he wouldn’t pester me when the Shadow mage was around but it was near non-stop.

    All of this led to now. It’s two days before Nacht’s birthday, and all I wanted was for Asta to get hung up on something else. I was sitting in the dining hall just enjoying my breakfast with the rest of the squad, minus Nacht as he was off doing who knows what, when Asta rushed into the room. Trying to hide my groan, I tried to focus on my food.

    “Oh, Y/n you’re still here. Now, please tell me?” He said vaguely, knowing I already knew what he was asking of me. His vague question caught the interest of everyone else in the room. The whole squad quickly turned to look at me, curious to what the magicless boy wanted.

    I sighed before responding as quickly and with as little information as possible. “Asta, I’ve told you a thousand times already, it’s not happening.” Ignoring the looks of my squadmates I continued eating.

    I felt as Asta moved closer to where I sat, clearly trying to catch my gaze and attempting to persuade me with puppy dog eyes. “Come on, Y/n. You’re the only person here who would know, please?” Like clockwork, Asta was back to begging. “Ooooo what if I promise to do all your chores for a month?” And now he’s one to poorly thought out bribery.

    Apparently Asta’s poor offer finally piqued Yami’s interest. “Hey kid, you already do all the chores around here. And what are you asking them? From the sounds of it they’ve told you no quite a few times.” Yami spoke, pulling Asta’s attention away from me.

    Like an alarm went off in his empty head, Asta quickly spoke. “I just realized you probably know the answer to my question too.” He quickly moved to be standing next to where Yami sat. The Captain raised his eyebrow as if prompting the boy to go on. “Well I was wondering when is Vice Captain Nacht’s birthday? I’ve been asking Y/n because their his partner and I figured they’d know it but they refuse to tell me anything about it. And just now I remembered that you have known the Vice Captain for a long time.” Asta rambled on.

    Yami let out a laugh before responding. “Nacht’s birthday is April 30th, but why do you want to know?” The Captain answered without even acknowledging my signals to shut up.

    “That’s in two days!! Anyway I wanted to know so we could do something to celebrate his first birthday back in the Clover Kingdom and with the Squad.” Asta explained.

    “I don’t think that’s a great idea Asta. There’s a reason -” I tried to explain before Yami cut me off. 

    “That’s a great idea. Go for it kid.” The Captain encouraged with a laugh as Charmy, Vanessa and Gordon started offering ideas on what the party should be about.

    While the majority of the squad was excited to have a party, whether they cared about the reason or not, I quickly left the table. Hoping to find a way for Nacht to not have to deal with the rambunctious squad on a day he normally likes to be left alone on. Before I could get very far Yami stopped me. “Come on Y/n, you know Nacht needs to loosen up a bit, and a birthday party is perfect.” 

   “You know that’s not what will happen, you also know why I wouldn’t tell Asta in the first place. Now if you’ll excuse me I have things I have to do.” I said in a rather aggressive whisper. It’s true that Nacht could stand to lighten up, but something just feels wrong about all this. Especially Yami encouraging it, he knows what Morgen’s death did to Nacht. Trying not to focus too much on what I was going to do two days from now, I started to get ready for the rest of the day.

   Luckily by the time Nacht returned to the base that night everyone had stopped talking about the surprise party they were planning. Unfortunately, Nacht is a very perspective person and quickly picked up on the fact that something was off. Being the only person he truly trusted, he quickly approached me. “What happened while I was out?” He asked voice never changing from his normal level tone.

   I took a moment to finalize my thoughts on what was being planned by our insane squadmates. “Nothing much, just Luck stole some of Magna’s food again and the resulting ‘fight’ has left everyone tired.” It wasn’t a complete lie. Luck did steal Magna’s food again and the fight lasted most of the afternoon leaving everyone annoyed with the duo. Even though Nacht was well aware of the chaos the two caused, it was clear from the way he squinted his eyes at me that he didn’t fully believe what I was saying. 

  “Okay, let’s head to bed. If everyone is finally this quiet we may actually be able to sleep a decent amount tonight.” I let out a sigh of relief accepting the hand he offered, glad that he wasn’t going to press further on the subject.

Time skip to April 30th

  I had accepted that no matter what I did, Nacht would have to deal with what the rest of the squad had planned. If he gets upset about it then so be it, I tried to prevent it and even warned Yami that it was a bad Idea and he knew it. I just hope Nacht believes that I did in fact try to stop it. Okay and maybe there is a part of me that hopes he is okay with it and actually has a good time.

  Anyway the morning was the same as always, except for Yami making Nacht stay at the base because he had a so-called ‘emergency captain’s meeting’ to attend and wanted Nacht to make sure no one blew up the base. With the fact that Nacht was forced to stay back at the base, breakfast was quieter than it normally is. Most of the squad tried to hide their plans for the evening and the others had already left the base to get what supplies they had been trusted to get.

  The rest of the day was pretty much the same, everyone quietly trying to bring in food or decorations for the planned party without disturbing the Vice Captain. Which was admittedly harder said than done as Nacht decided he was going to sit in the living room of the base reading and occasionally chatting with Gimodelo. You might also be wondering what I was doing during this time, and well the answer is simple. I’ve been trying to make sure neither Nacht or his Devil actually figure out what's happening before everything is ready, while also trying to act normal.

   Turns out I’m not the best actor, as just after Vanessa walked through with yet another crate of booze, Nacht decided to speak up. “I know what you’re doing and I’m not participating in any of it.” I just looked at him shocked. “Don’t try and hide it. I sent Plumede to check on things here the other day while I was out and they informed me that the others plan on throwing a party.” He explained, voice never changing from its normal tone. 

   I took a moment to think of how to respond, finally deciding to stick with my original plan for when he found out. “I tried to tell them it was a bad idea, but you know how Yami is. He likes to mess with you and I bet him encouraging Asta and the rest to go through with a big party is just another one of his plans to get under your skin.” I started to explain, expecting a sigh or comment about how much he dislikes Yami, but when I looked back at him, he was frozen. His face mostly still showed no emotion but his eyes were slightly wide, like he just remembered something important. “Nacht? Are you okay? I am truly sorry I know how difficult today can be for you. I really did try to keep Asta from finding out but again Yami likes to cause trouble and he wouldn’t listen to me.”

  It was silent for a few moments before Nacht stood up and turned towards the door. However before he could reach it, Asta busted through the door. “Oh, Vice Captain, I was just coming to get you. I also wanted to say Happy birthday.” Asta spoke, not receiving any response from the quiet mage, who just kept walking to the door. “Uh Y/n, is everything okay with the Vice captain?” Asta asked as he watched Nacht leave, not even bothering to acknowledge his squadmates trying to get his attention.

  “No Asta, nothings okay. This is why I didn’t want to tell you his birthday.” I said quickly before going after Nacht. “Nacht wait a second please. Talk to me.” I called after the tall man, unfortunately it seemed he was unreachable at the moment. As I finally made it out of the hideout about to reach out for him, Nacht used his magic to slip into the shadows and disappear. Dropping my extended arm, I stayed in my spot for a moment just staring at the shadow my boyfriend had used as an escape route.

  My thoughts were interrupted by the rest of the squad coming to find out where Nacht had run off too. “Is everything alright? The Vice captain looked upset.” It was Finral who spoke first. His question was followed by a chorus of ‘is he okay?’s and ‘what happened?’s .

  I sighed before deciding it was probably best to just explain what I know. “First, I don’t know if everything is alright, I’ve never seen Nacht like that. Second, what happened was Asta pushing to find out Nacht’s birthday after being told to drop it multiple times.” My voice was a bit harsher than intended but I was worried that Nacht wasn’t going to come back.

  When I turned to the group I could tell everyone was confused, well almost everyone. Noelle on the other hand decided to voice her thoughts on the matter. “So, what you’re saying is that Nacht stormed off because Asta found out about his birthday? That’s just dumb, what’s the big deal? People who care about him want to celebrate him so he should be happy.” While her statement was harsh it was reasonable.

  “It’s not the fact that people want to celebrate his birthday. It’s the fact that it’s his birthday.” I started to explain. “He’s never liked his birthday, when he was younger it was because he would constantly be compared to his younger twin. But around two years before I met him, his brother died and now his birthday just serves as a reminder of what he lost. When we met and I asked about his birthday, he made it clear that he doesn’t celebrate it or want to acknowledge it in any way. I agreed and that’s why I didn't want to tell Asta, I didn’t want him to make a big show and upset Nacht. But fucking Yami had to open his dumb mouth and try and cause trouble.” I rambled out, trying to explain why Nacht was upset.

  I watched as most of the squad nodded in understanding, with a few mumbles of ‘sorry’s. Once again Noelle decided to speak up more than the rest. “Okay he lost his brother, but wouldn’t his brother want him to be happy with friends instead of alone brooding somewhere?” Again valid point.

  Sighing, I responded to the royal. “While I agree with you on that, Nacht has never been the kind to think like that. He’s pessimistic, and it’s hard to get through to him on things like this. Anyway, you all enjoy the food and stuff you prepared. I'm going to wait for Nacht to get back.” WIth that I headed inside, leaving the rest of the Bulls outside with the barbeques they had set up in front of the base.

  At around 8pm, the doors to the base opened. Hearing the creak I sat up straight hoping it was Nacht, but unfortunately I was greeted by the distinct mana of Yami. I groaned before going back to waiting in silence. Sadly Yami had other plans. “You know you should go talk to him.”He said, voice gruff as always but with a hint of concern for his old friend.

  “Why do you care? You’re the one who told everyone his birthday and said he just needs to loosen up.” I said, giving him a glare before looking back to where my hands rested in my lap. “Besides, where would I even look for him?” I said quietly.

   I heard Yami huff as he sat next to me on the couch. “I’d bet he’s probably in the same place I found him on the first birthday after Morgen’s death.” I turned slightly, raising a brow at him. “I’m trying to say he went to sit and wallow at Morgen’s grave. It’s where I found him multiple times before he met you.” Yami explained. “Also, the idiots told me what you said about me wanting to cause trouble for Nacht, and while it’s not entirely a lie, I just wanted Nacht to realize he can finally be happy.” With that Yami stood up leaving me to think on what he said.

  Deciding that both Yami and Noelle had a point. Nacht does need to realize that it’s okay to be happy and enjoy his birthday with the people who care about him. After thinking about what I was going to say, I left to go get my boyfriend and hopefully talk some sense into him.

  I had visited Morgen’s grave before so I knew exactly where to go, and after my conversation with Yami it was no surprise to see the cloaked figure sitting near the headstone. What was a surprise though was the distinct smell of cigarettes wafting from the shadow mage. Before I could say anything I heard the sound of Gimodelo talking, and decided to listen for a moment.

  “Mister Nacht, why are you out here alone? Y/n is probably worried after you left without a word.” The small imp said to his friend. While Gimodelo doesn't like most people other than Nacht himself, he’s always been kind to me so it was no surprise he was worried about my feelings on the situation. “Also when did you start smoking again? Y/n won’t like that.”

  “Be quite Gimodelo, Y/n won’t mind because Y/n won’t know. Now buzz off.” With the command to buzz off the imp disappeared. I should have been upset by the wording but all I could focus on was how broken his voice sounded.

  Deciding Nacht had enough time to brood alone, I moved to stand next to his sitting form. “You know, if you really are smoking again you’re going to start smelling like Yami and neither of us want that.” I said hoping to lighten his mood even if only a little bit.

  Instead of responding Nacht just kept staring at the headstone in front of him. “Nacht, It’s okay to be sad and miss Morgen. But you can’t just storm off because your friends want to celebrate your birthday.” I started. “I’m sorry they found out about it, but after talking with everyone I realized something and you need to realize it too. Morgen would want you to be happy and have fun, not spend your birthday alone and upset.” As I spoke I lowered myself to the ground, quickly grabbing the pack of cigarettes from the ground beside him and stuffing it in my pocket so he couldn’t light another.

  I had expected him to say something along the lines of being fine with ignoring his birthday, but what he actually said surprised me. “I forgot it was my birthday.” Hearing that I looked at him confused. “I spent so long in the Spade Kingdom focused on stopping the Dark Triad that I never noticed my birthday had passed. When I figured out everyone was setting up for a party, I thought it was one of Yami’s usual plans to make me bond with the group, but then you mentioned it being for my birthday and it all rushed back.” It was no secret that Nacht spent years trying to help the neighboring country but I had no idea he was focused enough to forget his least favorite day of the year. 

  “I trust that you tried to keep Asta from finding out and that it was Yami’s doing, so don’t think I’m upset with you. I’m more upset with myself. It’s my fault Morgen had so many birthdays ripped from him. It should have been me, I should be the one buried under this stone, not him.” Nacht had voiced how much he blames himself for Morgen’s death many times before, and each time it was the same. “Morgen would be so much better at this and he would have been better for you.” Okay, blaming himself and wishing he was dead is nothing new, but suggesting Morgen to be a better choice for me is completely different from past conversations on the topic.

  Before Nacht could continue, I decided I had enough. “Nacht Faust, I have heard all of this from you before, and each time I’ve told you the same thing. It’s not your fault your family led you down a questionable path, and it’s not your fault Morgen stepped in to stop you. Suggesting Morgen would have handled your death better than you are handling his a decade later is bullshit. I may not have met Morgen but if he was as caring and kind as you and Yami have told me, he would probably be doing exactly what you’re doing right now. And as for saying he would be better for me, that’s a lie. I fell in love with you. I love how you’re blunt and don’t let others' emotions affect you, I love how even though you act like you hate the Black Bulls, you still stick with us. I love how you put your own life on pause to prevent Psychopaths in another country from destroying the world. I love you for you, so stop putting yourself down over something that happened in the past and think about all the good you have done since then.” I rambled on, hoping to get my point across.

  “Like I said before, you have people here now who care about you and want to take the day to celebrate you. You should be happy and having fun. Again I may not have known him but Morgen loved you enough not to tell the rest of the Magic Knights at the time about your devils and instead risked his life to save yours. Morgen would have wanted you to enjoy each day and I bet he would have been overjoyed to hear you found people who love and accept you.” I finished leaning my head on his shoulder. The whole time I spoke to him, his eyes were set on the gravestone in front of him, but it was clear from the way his shoulders relaxed and the sigh he let out that he listened and understood.

  We sat like that for a while, just sitting in silence thinking. It was Nacht who broke the silence first. “Thank you. I know I can be difficult to deal with. And I’m sorry for just walking out and not talking to you. Also you’re right, Morgen would have been overjoyed that I found you, and the Bulls even if I hate to admit it.” It was strange hearing him admit that he found some where he belonged, but I couldn’t hold back the smile.

   “Okay so now that you’re done wallowing, how about we head back to the hideout and hope that Charmy and Asta haven’t eaten all the food.” I said, raising my head looking at him. He turned and gave a gentle smile with a nod. “Good let’s go. Also be ready to come back here with me tomorrow.” I informed him as we stood up, earning a confused look from the shadow mage. “Every year on May 1st I bring Morgen flowers for his birthday.” I explained watching as Nacht’s face went from confusion to shock to thankfulness.

   “Thank you.” Was all he said before taking my hand, and activating his magic to transport us back to base.

   When we arrived it was clear the rest of the Bulls were still enjoying the food and free time Yami had given them for the evening. Our arrival didn’t go unnoticed, because as soon as we emerged from the shadows Asta basically bounced over to us. “Vice Captain Nacht, I’m sorry I upset you and didn’t listen to Y/n when they told me no.” Asta apologized quickly.

   Before Asta could start rambling too much, Nacht silenced him by simply raising his hand at the boy. “It’s okay Asta. I just need to come to terms with a few things and Y/n helped me with that. Now if there’s any left I would like to eat and possibly chat with you all.” Nacht explained to the boy, but directed the last sentence to the rest of the Squad who were watching the conversation.

   It was clear everyone was stunned by Nacht saying he would like to actually join them. Unsurprisingly Vanessa was the first of the group to speak up. “Of course Vice Captain, how about you start off with a nice drink?” She said slinging her hand over her shoulder waving a beer in Nacht’s face. Seeing Vanessa offer Nacht a drink everyone else started to approach him. Offering food, asking to talk with him, or in Luck’s case asking to fight him.

  As the night progressed it was nice to watch as Nacht relaxed and actually spent time with the Black Bulls. It was clear that he had finally accepted that this was his family and that they would always have each other's backs.

  “You know I don’t think I’ve seen him smile this much since before I joined the Magic Knights.”It was Yami who walked up beside me.

  I smiled as I reached into my pocket handing him the pack of cigarettes I had taken from Nacht earlier in the night. “Before you ask, no I didn’t buy them for you, our dear self deprecating friend over there had them when I found him. I figured it’s probably best to give them to you so he doesn’t fall all the way back into that habit, and I know you won’t let the money go to waste.” Yami was about to respond when Nacht joined us, wrapping his arm around my waist pulling me to his side. “Nuh uh, I was nice earlier because you were upset but now that you’re functioning like a person again Imma make this clear. One no hugs, cuddles or kisses until you have bathed at least twice to remove the smell of the five cigarettes you smoked from your person. Two If I ever catch you with one again I’ll make sure cigarettes are the thing that kills you, as I’ll stuff the whole pack, wrapper and all down your throat.” I said pushing the mage away, and going to join Vanessa in trying to get Zora and Grey to stop hiding in corners.

  As I walked away from the Captains I could hear Yami cackling as he slapped Nacht in the back. “You messed up buying these, didn’t you buddy?” The Captain of the Black Bulls laugh could be heard for miles as he watched Nacht’s face go from shock at my comment to murderous intent at Yami’s.

  Turning to the boy’s one last time, triggering yet another laughing fit from the dark magic user, I made one final comment. “You also owe Gimodelo an apology for telling him to buzz off.” With that I turned to start dragging a cowering Grey from under one of the tables set up outside.

  By the time everyone called it a night, it was nearly 2am. As me and Nacht got ready to settle in for the night, I couldn’t help but smile, earning a quizzical glance from the mage sitting in front of me. “I’m just glad to see you relax and get along with everyone.” I said, placing a kiss to the top of his head as I helped brush his freshly washed hair. He just gave a quick nod before relaxing into my touch, having long since expressed how he enjoyed when I brushed his hair saying it helped him relax. After finishing with Nacht’s hair, we both moved to lay down. Sharing brief good nights, we both quickly fell asleep, at peace with our minds and looking forward to facing the future with our large chosen family.

[bugslaststraw]

I was struck with a powerful vision a few days ago and I *want* to put this in fic form but I wouldn't know where to start finding those spoons so just hear me out okay: what if we straight removed Humanz. No hear me out I don't mean remove the stuff that happened in Humanz, I like what happens in Humanz, I just mean like. I know this couldn't ever have been canon, as the writers are making the story as they go, and I don't blame A&H & co. for the wonk, but the Humanz period of time existing makes the character progression/arcs feel iffy in some areas, and fucks with the pacing, so I still like to entertain this idea, what if Humanz was sort of... integrated elsewhere. This should've been a 15k word fic and I am so so mad that it can't be but here goes

Humanz happens during and after Now Now. Sandwich the two together and you get one longer period of time.

The hiatus is probably also longer, so it takes more time for the band to find their ways back to London.

This is crucial: Murdoc goes directly from Plastic Beach to exiled at sea to eventually jailed, and stays jailed until freemurdoc happens. When he's found floating around in a leaky submarine and taken in for whatever list of petty crimes they've managed to pin him for, he's drunk out of his mind rambling on about how nothing matters, the world's already ended and he's stranded in hell; that is, until someone informs him "if this is about your bandmates, they're fine. They recently went on air saying they're going to start playing again" and he goes "oh........wait without me?" Cue jail time.

I always preferred the idea that Noodle or Russel brought in Ace, mostly because imagine how pissed Murdoc would be about that. Being replaced is like his kryptonite (to be fair he has a lot of kryptonites) and I just find the mental image of him ranting to his cell partner about how they got another green guy so they CLEARLY miss him funny

Things seem to be going well for the New (Now) Gorillaz. They're playing again, a sudden flood of creativity leading them on. They're basically making two albums at once; Humanz, which had a political concept and a vision that was there from the start, and the Now Now, which started out as a sort of b-side that grew to develop its own personality as 2-D especially became enamoured with it. They dithered about which album to put Strobelite in.

Cont. under cut cus long ass post:

The Strobelite music video does happen, minus Murdoc side plot of course. Not sure about Saturn Barz. No I don't care about the stupid meme.

However, Russel and Noodle can't find peace. Originally they think they're alone in that feeling, until they come together to talk about it one night and realize that they both feel on edge and uncomfortable. They can't really figure out why; not being equipped with quite enough emotional intelligence to realize that failed suicide attempts, getting dragged to Hell, almost dying at sea twice, spending years in self imposed exile chasing demons or being stuck in a glass tube for five years might leave you with some mental scarring. Rather than feel warm and welcome, the bright sunlight on LA beach gives them both headaches, and although they try to hide it, and do so very well, they find themselves never quite being able to enjoy their newfound peace.

2-D on the other hand genuinely feels on top of the world. As with regular Now Now he has time to regain his ego during this period, "reset himself and get back on track" after Plastic Beach, as he puts it. He's free now, properly, and revels in it, getting to learn and re-learn new skills, and he writes a lot during this period, proper creativity finally coming back to him.

That's not to say that Murdoc is forgotten; anything but, in fact, Murdoc has gravity, and the rest of the band (and 2-D especially) still subconsciously orbit around his absence. Big difference is; 2-D is aware of it. He knows he can't get rid of Murdoc and he knows, with a light-hearted, almost smug sort of resignation, that he's probably not going to stop forgiving him either. Maybe I'm some kind of a masochist, he thinks to himself. Oh well.

So he takes to taunting Murdoc every chance he gets, like with Humility, for example. Strutting around his absolute freedom from outside the prison walls, asking how does it feel, huh? and almost daring Murdoc to come get at him again, knowing that he can't ("calling the hunter with the rifle; if you're coming back to find me you'd better have good aim.")

This is all obviously sort of subtextual, but it's the vibe I get from Now Now anyway: Memory famously gains rose tinted glasses, so 2-D finds himself thinking back on Plastic Beach more fondly than he knows it should be remembered, almost feeling sorry for his ex-captor. Although he knows that's probably not a healthy mindset to have, it makes him feel really good for some reason, so he indulges in that too, occasionally fantasizing about the day Murdoc's let out of jail and comes back to them, because saying "I forgive you" after all this would be such a power move, wouldn't it? He can hardly wait, yet in a way loves the wait as well, trying to savour the last few moments (years) just before catharsis.

Obviously this all drives Murdoc absolutely up the walls, and his fellow inmates have a fond memory of that one time he threw a fit in the cafeteria about it (eg: that's MY thing he's fucking STEALING MY SIGNATURE MOVES don't be fooled by his stupid innocence-play and pretty face ok this smug piece of SHIT is TAUNTING ME LET ME OUT I NEED TO KILL HIM)

When not raging, he's usually begging Noodle to let him help them make music over the phone. He sends her blocks of lyric/hastily scribbled notes when he can, and wrote most of She's My Collar, which the others picked up, found a guest for, added to, and in 2-D's case practiced obsessively for (implied to be because he knew killing the performance of such a mature song (with his very wholesome, innocent public image, no less) would, again, drive Murdoc nuts.)

Mudz also still tries to pull the whole "I was framed by a demon thing" lie, which none of them believe, for obvious reasons.

Noodle is vaguely aware of 2-D's agenda and angrily side-eyes him every time he comes up with a lyric she finds suspicious, which is more often that he actually means anything by it (eg; the mirrored world lines in Saturn Barz and the like.) She's slowly developing a persistent urge to shake her friend/adoptive brother by the shoulders and shout "STOP GIVING HIM ATTENTION HE FEEDS ON IT LIKE A LEECH. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS" until he stops.

Noodle and Russel are also still wondering if the guy's possessed by something, and the idea that it might be El Mierda feels logical to them considering his mood.

Ace, not being very close to the rest of the band, picks up on almost none of this; assumes Noodle and Russel are doing fine and that 2-D genuinely hates Murdoc rather than whatever the hell is actually going on. He is never let in on the possession thing and bugs Russel about tripping 2-D up in Humility. He's there to be a little shit and enjoy the good vibes, he says, and that's what he'll do, but there's no need to fight now, is there?

Everything is, apart from that, going just fine. And then Murdoc, at least to the knowledge of the world in general, drowns in a sewer. Which obviously is bound to become a bit of a problem.

More accurately; it grinds everything to a halt. At this point Noodle is already out of England, looking for El Mierda, and finds out when her plane lands and she can call her band. She tries to get ahold of 2-D first, but he doesn't pick up, so she calls Russel, hoping he can help her. They talk a lot that night, over the phone, her sitting bent over the table in an empty cafeteria at the airport.

Russ has known for a day or so at that point, while she's just found out. He tries to explain things to her and sort of distance himself from the conflict as a whole while she's fuming, absolutely livid, because how dare he, how dare Murdoc send her into the mountains on a dangerous mission and then just die in the most ridiculous way possible on top of that? He tells her 2-D's gone very, very quiet since he found out.

They come to the same agreement eventually. "He was such a shithead. Literally not worth being stepped on like a bug and I hate him. And I'm gonna miss him. How fucked up isn't that?"

To Russ and Noodle's knowledge, no more music is really produced at that point.

There's one (to Russel very memorable) instance where Ace makes a misplaced attempt to lighten the mood ("yeah, but, c'mon, the old man was pretty awful, no need to get all teary over someone like that, c'moon let's just get back to what we were doi-") and 2-D breaks his nose over it.

Aside from that, that handful of weeks is slow, silent, and confusing.

On the plane from England to Patagonia, Murdoc listens to Souk Eye exactly once and has since avidly refused to ever do it again and won't explain why.

Cue the ending of freemurdoc, Noodle kicking snow for half an hour to stop herself snapping her awful adoptive father's spine like a toothpick, "you're like a family to me!! You're the daughter, Russel's the son, an' 2-D is uuuhh. The uh. The. House cat," etc etc

When they make the trip back home, a week or so later, the world already knows that Murdoc isn't dead, and so does the rest of the band. Ace dips, stating that he "would rather not be around when ol' Muddy shows back up if you catch my drift."

2-D, who's romantic idea of a triumphant reunion is shattered, is conflicted and nervous up until the point Murdoc shows back up, ("heyyy gang, sorry we're late; I almost drowned in a sewer and the trip back was awful, they didn't even have drinks on the plane, also sorry about lying, hope you don't mind, also here's a yak") when he goes from blank staring to a fit of laughter that makes everybody involved worry for his sanity to "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD YOU PIECE OF SHIT HOW DARE YOU BE SORRY NOW" to the four of them eating takeaway noodles on the floor of their studio in dead silence as Murdoc tries to avoid eye contact and 2-D stares at him as if he's imagining eating him

Humanz is finalized, and Murdoc happily partakes in some of the interviews and promo for the album. Seemingly, everything is normal again. But upon any kind of closer inspection he comes off as almost nervous, jittery, raw and easily upset. Something has changed, and he hasn't caught up yet. There's a tension still among the group.

When Humanz is finally released, they all swear to each other they have no idea where Busted and Blue even came from. Well, three out of four swear, and the fourth just sort of gives them a weird look and mutters something vaguely denying.

And then it transitions directly into Song Machine, which directly deals with the set-up we already have! The power dynamics in the group have changed, everyone is confused on how things work now, Noodle is annoyed with 2-D and how easily he's forgiven Plastic Beach, Russel is resigned about the same, and Murdoc himself tries to claw his way back to the top but can't, as 2-D has finally slipped through his hands to join the others well out of his direct control. And we all know what happens in Song Machine, so I hardly need to recount that

Ok done now :)

[astoundingbeyondbelief]

Kaiju Week in Review (December 17-23, 2023)

Episode 7 of Monarch: Legacy of Monsters laid down significant Monsterverse lore, showing the moment Monarch finally revealed itself to the public (under hilarious circumstances) and how the organization's partnership with Apex Cybernetics began. I did not find May's long-awaited backstory super compelling, to be honest, I think because the proto-Apex company was so thinly sketched. And that Frost-Vark better not be dead. :(

An incredible three Godzilla comics released last week: DC/Legendary's Justice League vs. Godzilla vs. Kong #3 and IDW's Godzilla: War for Humanity #3 and Godzilla Rivals: Jet Jaguar vs. Megalon. The crossover lit a certain section of the Internet on fire with the revelation that Godzilla did, in fact, kill Superman the previous issue. Writer Brian Buccellato chalked it up to Godzilla's atomic breath having "a radioactive signature similar to [K]ryptonite," which as handwaves go is pretty good. Behemoth and Scylla had moments to shine as well, and the issue ended with Lex Luthor discovering a Mechagodzilla eye. Glad Godzilla won't be the only Toho character in the comic; that would've been a bit lame.

Godzilla: War for Humanity remaining a thrilling read, and the Super MOGUERA debuting in this issue is not to be missed. Jet Jaguar vs. Megalon starts with a content warning for depiction and discussion of attempted suicide, which certainly surprised me. It's another strong issue, neither callous nor didactic, and told so efficiently there's plenty of room for the titular bout (which sometimes has felt like an afterthought in Rivals stories). Also, Jet Jaguar talks—something Toho forbade in a comic earlier this year, for whatever reason. Anyway, he's exactly the 'bot you would expect him to be. Hope IDW can keep him chattering in the future.

You've probably seen my flurry of posts already, but it bears repeating: The Boulet Brothers' Dragula, a drag reality competition found on Shudder, aired a kaiju episode. Reality TV isn't my bag, but I thoroughly enjoyed the competitors' kaiju-inspired costumes and performances. I also kept ping-ponging between awe that Americans are just expected to know what a kaiju is now and yelling at the hosts for, say, not naming any kaiju outside of Toho's Big Five.

Hot on the heels of the black-and-white re-release of Shin Godzilla comes Godzilla Minus One/Minus Color, which has to be the best title one of these things has gotten. As with Shin, this is no mere filter; each shot in the film was regraded, with director Takashi Yamazaki striving for "a style that looked like it was taken by masters of monochrome photography." It opens in Japan on January 12; no word yet on whether it will play in any other country.

Godzilla will follow in the steps of pop culture fixtures like The Lord of the Rings and Star Wars with Godzilla: The Official Cookbook by Kayce Baker, due from Titan Books on September 10. (You can tell it's official because he's actually on the cover.) 60 recipes lie within. It's a given that I'm going to buy something Godzilla-related that's this silly; I just have to pick up another cookbook first so it won't be the first one I ever own.

I was surprised to realize that McDonald's has never done anything Godzilla-related; far less prolific fast-food chains have worked with the monster, from White Castle to Carl's Jr. The first salvo in the campaign was pretty underwhelming—BE@ABRICK figures that can only be won via lottery, with an entirely plain Godzilla. That replica MogeGoji suit looked great in the ad, at least. Tokusatsu is being kept alive in the Godzilla franchise through some truly odd means. The follow-up ad/promo was a lot better, but that's a matter for next week's post.

This is at least kaiju-adjacent—James Wan's long-gestating The Call of Cthulhu movie seems to finally be going somewhere, as revealed in roundabout fashion by a Deadline article. I thought the 2005 silent version was just fine, but presumably this will be produced by his company Atomic Monster, which is long overdue for an actual giant monster movie.

[smolstarthief]

Another Maruki analysis: His literal Mask

I kinda wanted to do an analysis on his literal mask since this was a realization that hit me really. Now I agree that it looks absolutely silly and I wonder what Atlus was thinking with his overall outfit but... I can't help but think of something here...

Now "Masks," both literally and figuratively, play a primary role in P5 in regards to its characters. They hide who they really are because of either pressure to meet societal expectations, fear (Ex: rejection), dealing with various forms of abuse, and of course trauma. Especially as way of coping with said trauma. It is also a thing in Psychology known as, "masking" which is basically the description I just gave. Masking is basically, as an example, someone performing in a way that it is considered, "acceptable." But it can be at the expense of expressing who they really are, hiding their true selves. It's never fun at all as someone who deals with this on occasion and can even hurt the individual deep down. It can even worsen their mental state as well.

I always feel bad for those that had to go through it for one reason or another. But back on topic. When the MCs awaken their Personas, they literally tear their own masks off (with an exception or two). It's framed as painful but then liberating. They feel free and are done with all the bs they had to deal with. Each mask also has a unique design for every Thief and it's all unique to them and even symbolic of either their true selves or even just overall personality.

So, what about Maruki? While it does look ridiculous... As I've mentioned in a previous post, it almost resembles a shield. A large one at that. Now you could argue Makoto's does as well but it's short and is more like a knight. It also reflects her more tough personality. In Maruki's case though... It covers his whole head and top part of his face (minus his eyes 'cause he needs to see somehow). I also mentioned that it's ironic that "Throw Away Your Mask" is basically his thought process and mental state and yet he is hiding behind his own mask.

Now the "shield" thing can be a double meaning: He doesn't want to hurt the Thieves at all and can be considered a pacifist unless pushed and even while fighting he tries to reason with them and mostly uses Azathoth/Adam. But at the same time, it can also be his own mental defenses coming to the surface. He's hiding behind a metaphorical shield and running away from everything. The truth, his true feelings, his trauma, everything. He gives a calm and serene/gentle demeanor ("Gentle Madman") which is genuine but also puts up his defenses. Even when everything around him is falling apart, he refuses to believe that "his way" was ultimately wrong and harmful even when he knows or realizes it.

Then it gets damaged, and Adam is destroyed which is when he starts to fully break. His barrier is falling apart. He starts to show more of how he really feels. He has awareness and is regaining it at the same time and the cracks remain.

Then he fully removes it and later his godhood outfit changes to his white attire albeit torn up, damaged, and dirty. He's completely vulnerable. No barriers... No mask.

He's not hiding anymore, and we see who he really is: A sad, traumatized, and broken man who gave up everything for a dream that was ultimately not gonna help anyone... Not even himself. He wanted to do good so badly but went too far and about nearly lost himself in the process. It was unhealthy and self-destructive... Like the story of Icarus, hubris got the better of him and flew too close to the sun. All because of things that were out of his control and led to him making impulsive and downright harmful decisions. It's being human and understandable. But he still needed to be stopped, otherwise... Things will turn out for the worse for everyone, including him. Now I wonder what other character this can remind people of...?

So, joking and small fandom jab aside, a TL;DR version: Maruki's mask can represent a barrier he put up for himself to hide and run from it all and once it cracks and it's fully taken off, he shows his true feelings, coming to terms with himself and the truth. It's only then he starts to take steps towards healing and starting over on his own two feet. No hiding, no mask, no barrier. Just him and whatever reality will throw at him, and he'll try his damndest to get better and even redeem himself.

[wolfram-everhearth]

BG3 Act 1 - The First Day

Figured I'd put some of my playthrough notes / headcannons / GaleFram / basically sitcom scripts out here for anyone interested. I also added several screenshots because the game is pretty.

See this post for the Pre-BG3 Tav backstory. (Minus 10 years in the Feywilds & 5 in Baldur's Gate which Wolfram tells the companions about as the game progresses. Please look forward to it! 😂)

Here's the Carrd (Better Organized)

This includes story stuff so don't read if you haven't played the game yet!

The Nautiloid

After ten years of serving his patron in the Feywild, Wolfram returned to the mortal realm. He gave up his powers after an argument with the archfey for deceiving him. He's been living in Baldur's Gate for the past five years. One day he wakes up aboard the Mindflayer ship with no recollection of how he got there.

Wolfram is trapped in the pod and calls out to his former patron in desperation. He apologizes for how he spoke to her at the end and says that her deception was his own fault for not being clever enough to ask more specific questions when creating the pact. He says he realized she was just trying to protect him a while ago but had let his pride get in the way of making amends.

The archfey tells him she'd never severed their connection because she knew he'd calm down eventually - she merely cut off the flow of power. She's glad he's come to his senses in time. Of course, she will help him escape but would like his aid with something as well.

Fey are being captured, tortured, and killed. Somewhere nearby. She wants him to find the cause and stop it. His patron will honor the initial pact and in exchange for her power, he will defend nature and fey kind from any threats. The 10-year term had been met so now he has more autonomy but she may have the occasional specific request. The worm has done something to him and it will take a bit of time for her to bestow all of his old powers to him. He accepts and thanks her. As the power surges into him she says she'll check on him when she can.

He blasts himself out of the pod, unable to stifle a giggle as he realizes how much he has missed his warlock abilities. He finds a longsword on the floor - which he uses to pry open the few remaining pods. Unfortunately, he doesn't find any survivors.

Wolfram goes into the next room and explores a bit, hoping to get his bearings on the alien ship. He curiously pokes at the creepy talking brain and then cringes, stabbing it repeatedly. 😂

He meets Lae'zel and thinks she’s abrasive, but chalks it up to being from a very closed culture. He lets the rudeness slide, happy to have help in the escape from someone who seems to understand these ships.

He insists on rescuing Shadowheart despite the Gith’s protests. He easily opens the pod with magic. She’s grateful and he introduces himself, saying he was happy to help, while giving Lae’zel a pointed look. Shadowheart gets something out of the pod but he puts off his curiosity about the artifact for later.

They continue on to the helm and escape the ship. He wakes up on the beach the next day and quickly finds Shadowheart. They decide to search the area for a healer.

Introductions and Meet-cute

He and Shadowheart sneak up on the intellect devourers and push them into the fire of the wreckage. Wolfram cheers as the brains shrivel up in the flames and Shadowheart quirks a brow at this oddly cheerful man - fighting an amused smile.

They come across a very pale elf shouting for help. Wolfram offers to aid Astarion. He sees the boar but is too slow and the rogue gets a blade on him. The warlock calmly motions to Shadowheart to not attack and talks Astarion down, saying he won't hold it against him. They're all a bit anxious after the ordeal. Wolfram notices the teeth marks and red eyes but he has read books on vampires and even met a few so he second-guesses his instinct since Astarion is in the sun.

They come across some swirling energy against a rock. Wolfram hears someone shouting for help from inside. He focuses on stabilizing the arcane energy and then pulls a man out of the portal, falling backward onto the ground. Gale falls on top of him. They look each other in the eyes. The warlock smiles “Hello there, handsome.” The wizard is a bit flustered “My apologies!” Wolfram points at Astarion and smirks “It’s alright. The last guy pulled a knife on me.” Gale looks around to see the others. Shadowheart standing with arms crossed and brow furrowed, holding in a chuckle. Astarion gestures to the mages on the ground “Well darling, if I’d known *this* was an option…” Wolfram laughs. Gale gets to his feet, muttering while dusting himself off “That was certainly not the softest of landings…” The warlock chuckles “I beg your pardon. Alas, all of my cushioning is gone after years of pulling random wizards from boulders.”

Gale laughs then extends a hand “Hello, I’m Gale of Waterdeep. Apologies, I’m usually better at this.” Wolfram snorts and shakes his hand “Better at introductions? I should hope so.” Gale chuckles “At magic…do I know you?” Wolf shrugs “I’m Wolfram of Sen - uh - of Baldur’s Gate? I’m quite certain we haven’t met before. I’d remember you.” Gale ponders “OH! I know! You were on the nautiloid as well!” The warlock eyes the stone “Nevermind the Nautiloid - how’d you end up in that blasted thing?” Gale starts explaining animatedly as if trying to entertain them. The rest of the party’s eyes glaze over but Wolfram just listens with an amused smile. “I don’t know what transpired exactly, but the ship broke into pieces and I suddenly found myself in freefall. As I was plummeting to certain death, I spied a glimmer quite near where I estimated my body to impact with less-than-savory propulsion. Recognizing this glimmer to be magical in nature, I reached out to it with a Weaving of words and found myself on the other side as it were.” Wolfram smirks “Ah, so in other words - a spell gone wrong. I’m glad we found you when we did.” He gestures to Shadowheart “Shadowheart and I escaped the Nautilid together and woke up on the beach. Not sure how we survived to be honest. There was another with us but we lost her after the crash.” He gestures to Astarion “And he -” Astarion scoffs “Oh you can leave me out of the introductions.” Wolfram smiles sweetly and points down the road. “Well then make yourself useful and go see if those goblins have anything good.” Astarion rolls his eyes but begins looting the corpses as the others walk slowly in the other direction.

He and Gale talk about the tadpoles and what may be done about them. When asking about a cleric ("uncannily adroit with a knitting needle?") Wolfram smugly states “Well, I am quite good with a needle, but otherwise I’m more adept at hurting than healing.” He points to Shadowheart “This lass is our best bet. She's a very talented cleric.” Shadowheart unamused “Lass? I’d warrant I have a few years on you full humans… and this is beyond most healers' expertise.” Wolfram winces “Just my way of speaking from living in - Aye, I’ll try to correct it.” He nods respectfully.

Gale smiles hopefully “So Wolfram, as you seem to be the leader of this party - How about we lend each other a helping hand once more and look for a healer together?” The warlock nods “Oh… I suppose I am? We’d be happy to have you join us.” Shadowheart shrugs “The more the merrier to deal with these little monsters in our heads.” Astarion groans audibly while catching up to them with a pack of new weapons. Gale smiles “Most excellent! A parasite shared is a parasite halved… Or something to that effect.” Wolfram snorts “That’s one way to look at it.” Gale stops walking and faces him “Oh! But before you think you’re about to embark on a journey with most ill-mannered a man: thank you for pulling me out of that stone. It was an act of foresighted kindness I assure you, for I have the feeling ample opportunities will present themselves for me to return the favor.” Wolfram winks “Oh I certainly hope so.” Gale confused. "I assure you I am most practiced in the arcane arts and pledge to make myself useful in combat." The warlock gives an awkward thumbs up and giggles then starts walking along the path. He mutters to himself to get it together, damned fey magics.

They continue on. Shadowheart listens quietly as Wolfram and Gale talk. Astarion follows at a distance, sticking to the shadows. Gale asks “You’re not versed in magic, are you?” The warlock looks uneasy “...Why do you ask?” Gale eyes the large sword on his back “Oh, I *do* apologize. I meant to ask: are you *studied* in magic? Which you are not." Wolfram smirks and nods “Indeed, I am not studied.” Gale continues "If you meet any elder wizards, let me know. There is a matter I’d like to seek advice on from a master.” Wolfram eyes him wearily “Well… I’m not close with any wizards exactly - but I am friends with a few powerful magic users. Those that live in this realm are in Baldur’s Gate though… which I have a feeling is quite the journey from here. Wherever here is.” Gale is confused but intrigued “In *this realm*?” The warlock smiles awkwardly and starts ranting about how pretty the trees are.

They find Lae’zel in a cage with two Tieflings arguing over what to do with her. Wolfram convinces the Tieflings he'll take care of Lae'zel and they should get to safety. After they leave he teasingly tells her to ask nicely to get her down. She responds with violence and he rolls his eyes and shoots her down. Shadowheart is upset and says they can't trust her. Gale says he's not met any Gith and would be happy to learn more about them. Astarion says this is all very dull but at the very least he must mention that she shouldn't be seen around these parts for a while because the next time she won't be so lucky. Lae’zel says she could defeat any of these ‘teeth-lings’ in combat. Wolfram says it's a shame she wants to explore with them because she's clearly the only one experienced enough to find an easily defensible campsite in case the Tieflings return. The others are impressed he was able to convince her to go find a patch of dirt to guard.

They take a short break. Wolfram goes off into the forest for a bit then returns, saying there is a place up ahead worth checking out.

The Ruins

They continue on to some ruins. Wolfram convinces the bandits at the entrance to leave. Gale Is impressed again "You certainly have a way with words." The warlock winks "I have been told I've got a good tongue." Gale scoffs “I believe the term is ‘silver tongue’” Wolfram shrugs “Yeah, that too.” Astarion amused, mutters "Someone thinks highly of themselves." Shadowheart chuckles "Wolfram, your charms will serve us well, but please let us focus on the task at hand." Wolf nods to Shadowheart. "Aye, sorry. I’m a bit out of sorts still. Anyroad, words won't be enough once we're in here. My friend just said there are about 10 more of them in the ruins. We'll likely need to fight. Shadowheart frowns in confusion "Your friend?" Wolfram beams "Felicia. I sense that she's very trustworthy." He points to the boar who has been following them from a distance since the cliffs "Alright my dear, thank you for showing me. As you make your way back to your family please do stay clear of that wreckage." Gale eyes him with an amused grin. Felicia grunts and runs off before Astarion can shoot her. Wolfram glares “Oy! Don’t kill her! She just helped us.” Astarion pouts. Shadowheart asks "Oh? Are they a druid?" The warlock chuckles. "No, just a normal boar. I make a habit of talking to everyone I come across. You never know who has good information. Now - let's see if I can talk our way in here.”

After Wolfram works his charms, the bandit guard opens the door to the unexpected guests. Gale manages to put the guard to sleep as he starts to shout for his friends. Wolfram gives an approving nod to the wizard, impressed. They position themselves in the shadows. Shadowheart and Astarion stand close to the next door. Gale stands back and Wolfram follows him. He eyes him with confusion "Surely this is too far back. Or do you plan to throw your sword?" Wolfram laughs "Ah, that's a bit of a last resort." He pauses then says, hesitantly. "I'm a warlock." Gale frowns in disappointment "Oh..." He recovers quickly and smiles "Well that's alright I suppose. You did get us in here. I don't mind doing the brunt of the spell work." Wolfram mocks gratitude "Oh well thank you so much! It's nice to have a proper magic user around." His hands crackle red with energy then he winks and hits the door with a powerful Eldritch blast, knocking it off the hinges and crushing two bandits under it.

After the bandits are defeated (and looted) they make their way to the dank crypt. Shadowheart notices the statue and says it's amusing that Jergal is here. Gale is curious about what information the scribes had that was worth killing over. As they're looting Astarion finds a book and unlocks it then sees the cover "Dead Gods? Sounds awfully boring." He sets it aside. Wolfram picks it up and thumbs through it, curious why some names are scratched out. He hands it to Gale who says maybe the book is why the scribes were killed. Whoever scratched out the names was clearly trying to hide something. Wolfram agrees. They look around the statue. Wolf notices a button and Astarion argues with him over who should get to push it. Gale inspects the device and the wall it's on and concludes that it likely opens a hidden door. Shadowheart says a secret room is likely trapped. Wolfram draws his blade and stands in front of the door while Astarion presses the button. The dead scribes rise and start towards them.

After defeating the undead they go into the room and meet Withers. They’re all a bit surprised with the talking skeleton, but it’s not the strangest thing that’s happened to them recently so they roll with it. Withers asks Wolfram what the value of one mortal life is. The warlock takes a moment to think as the others debate among themselves. Astarion scoffs and says the only life he cares about is his own. Anyone who says otherwise is an idealistic fool. Shadowheart says a life's worth should be measured in their devotion. What they're willing to do to remove the suffering of others. Gale says every life is precious in its own way. Full of potential…for good or ill - hopefully good.

Wolfram listens to them, smiling at Gale’s answer. He turns back to Withers and says, hesitantly "I suppose that depends on the person. Everyone approaches their life goals differently and therefore have a unique effect on the world around them. Ideally, the intentions behind their actions are judged along with the result. I’m certainly counting on that." Withers is satisfied with the answer and then cryptically says he'll see them again at the appropriate time and place.

They leave the tomb a bit confused… but they find an amulet that lets them speak to the dead so that's cool.

They return to Lae'zel at camp (She set it up in an open area near a stream). Wolfram thanks her for picking such an easily defensible position. He knew he could count on her. She scoffs and says she needs no thanks - but hopes they found some food.

As Wolfram is stacking wood for a fire Withers shows up and says he'll be there at camp to aid them. They're all a bit weary but he seems powerful so better to have him as an ally.

The First Night at Camp

Party Banter

Shadowheart: I'm a tad surprised you change into more comfortable garb at camp, Lae'zel. You strike me as the 'sleeps in her armor' type.

Lae'zel: It would cause too much noise during my nighttime…exertions. I do not wish to alert foes of our location.

Shadowheart: Nightime exertions… oh! I see. Well, considerate of you I suppose.

Wolfram: Who were you planning to uh… exert with?

Lae'zel: Whoever I wish, Wolf-rum.

Astarion: (giggles) I think you'll find a bit more effort is required to secure a partner around these parts…only a bit.

Gale: I'm surprised you're allowed to choose a partner outside your own people.

Lae'zel: We are to use and misuse every civilization in the stars in every way we know. I do not conquer by blade alone, Gale.

Gale: I can't imagine mother Gith would approve. Doesn't she prefer us lesser species enslaved? Or eviscerated?

Lae'zel: T’chk! And with that comment - this topic no longer concerns you.

Wolfram: (chuckles) What a shame, Gale. I hope you're not too heartbroken.

Lae'zel: What is this talk of breaking hearts? The wizard is still useful - I merely do not wish to lay with him. There is no cause to fear for his life.

Gale: Ah, well that's quite kind of you! Thank you for your mercy…on both counts.

The group is eating some fruit and dried meats they’d stolen from the bandits. (Astarion is just pretending to eat.) Lae’zel is sharpening her sword while chewing. Shadowheart asks Wolfram what he’d been doing before all this. He throws an apple core into the forest and then answers “I was a cook in Baldur’s Gate. Had my own place. Just a little 10-seater but I got by. A nice simple life. I'm eager to get back to it.” Gale laughs. Wolfram looks at him with a confused expression. Gale is surprised ‘Oh! You were serious? You don't seem the type.” Shadowheart frowns “After seeing you fight I must admit that’s a shock to me as well.” He shrugs “I’m full of surprises.” 

Shadowheart nods "Well it's quite the coincidence. I need to return there as well." Astarion looks at them with interest but says nothing. Wolfram asks Shadowheart if she has business there or is a resident. She says it's a bit of both but would rather say no more. It's a…sensitive matter. Gale nods then picks a scroll out of his pack and starts reading. The warlock holds up his hands saying he’s not the type to pry. 

Wolfram smiles "Perhaps once we have a cure we could travel there together?” Shadowheart nods "I don't see why not, Wolfram. You've proven yourself to be very helpful so far." He chuckles "Well, I'll take that as a compliment." She smirks "Perhaps it was." Lae'zel scoffs "You Fae-run denizens and your subtle courtship rituals. It's unnecessarily complicated." Wolfram and Shadowheart object at the same time. Shadowheart scolds "People can simply be friendly. Though I doubt you know the meaning of the word." The warlock scoffs smugly "I assure you I'm anything but subtle in my 'courtship'." Astarion giggles "I'll say, Wolfram. Your flirtations are completely artless. It's embarrassing really." The elf glances at Gale who is still intensely focused on reading a Ray of Sickness scroll they found. Wolf follows Astarion's eyes to Gale then shrugs "We’re in mortal peril, so why bother being subtle?"

Wolfram smiles awkwardly at Gale "How about you, handsome? What will you do after all of this is over." Gale keeps reading. Shadowheart and Astarion chuckle. Lae'zel scoffs and goes back to sharpening her blade. Wolf nudges Gale, who looks genuinely surprised as he sets down the scroll "Yes? Apologies, it's been some time since I learned that one. Quite an engaging read. I was miles away. How can I help you?" Wolfram smirks "I was asking what you plan to do once we've been healed." Gale's face falls briefly "Oh…" but a smile quickly returns "Well Wolfram, I suppose in a perfect world I'd return to Waterdeep. Back to my tower - surrounded by old tomes and having collected new tales to entertain my assistant." The warlock senses Gale is hiding something, but smiles "That sounds nice."

In time the sun sets and they all go to their tents. Wolfram goes to talk to Astarion. The elf complains about having to rough it outdoors. Wolf tries to reassure him and says it’s not so bad. Astarion frowns “It sounds like he’s done it before.” The warlock nods “Quite a bit. This is nothing compared to the time I managed to get some shuteye in a bog surrounded by will-o-wisp. …Although the normally peaceful forest with a satyr party raging outside my tent was its brand of challenging.” Astarion impressed “Oh my…how did you manage to rest during *that*?” Wolfram looks off dreamily “Oh I didn’t, not a wink. I failed miserably.” Astarion laughs “Well well! Our hero seems to have quite the past.” Wolf laughs “I’m no hero, but as for a past… I suspect we all do, right?” Astarion becomes guarded, furrowing his brow and crossing his arms. Wolfram smiles reassuringly “All I’m trying to say is that this place isn’t so bad. You’ll be fine.” Astarion's frown lifts a bit “Oh, alright. I suppose it’s only until we get these worms out of our heads. Then I'll find a decent inn with silk sheets and a nice drink.” The warlock nods “That does sound more comfortable. Well, good evening to you.” Wolfram walks off, muttering “What I wouldn’t give for a proper bath right now. Ilithids are nasty.” 

He talks with Shadowheart and asks how she’s feeling about the worm. She says there’s no point thinking about it. They need action. He nods and says that’s fair. They’ll continue looking first thing in the morning. She tries to warn him to be wary of Gale. Wolfram looks over at the mage pacing by the fire and smiles warmly “Aye, wizards may have a reputation…but who doesn't go a bit mad with power from time to time? I’ve a good feeling about this one.” Shadowheart shakes her head in disapproval as he walks away and mumbles “Lady guide me. Is there a reasonable one in this bunch?”

Wolfram talks to Lae’zel. She says they need to find a creche. She thinks one of the teeth-lings has seen her people. He asks if they'll be safe among them. She says they will so long as she's with them.

He goes over to Gale. (‘Go to Hell’ scene.) The warlock smirks "Good evening to you too." Gale chuckles “You’re a good sport.” The wizard is contemplative about the day's events. Wolfram stands next to him and looks into the fire. “I understand. We’ve been through a lot in a short time... and it's a scary situation we’ve found ourselves in. I’m trying to focus on other thoughts.” Gale nods “I must say - you seem more serious than earlier.” Wolf smiles awkwardly “Ah… well aboard the ship I was… under the influence of something that improves my mood.” Gale smirks “I won’t judge. I’ll confess I’d enjoyed the occasional recreational potion in my youth.” Wolfram laughs “I wasn’t high, Gale! Well, not under the effect of a potion anyroad.” Gale grins “Well, I’m pleased to see you taking things seriously now. Perhaps fewer attempts at humor? I have that domain covered.” The warlock chuckles “You certainly do, but I’ll have you know going forward I do tend to laugh in the face of danger. Rest assured I still take every fight seriously.”

Gale smiles, a bit more relaxed. Wolfram jokes around but is ultimately comforting. He offers Gale a drink to calm his nerves. Gale takes a sip of the liquor “I suppose this is one way to handle the situation we've found ourselves in. Alas, I have no books. A good read and a glass of wine do wonders for my constitution.” The warlock roots around in his bag and hands him two books he’d found in the ruins. “I guess I can share.” Gale is surprised “You looted them?” Wolfram shrugs “Of course. Some dusty tomes in an ancient ruin. How could I resist?” Gale smiles warmly “I seem to have judged you incorrectly. A fair few times today.” Wolf shrugs “In all honesty I’d expected it. You’re not the first wizard I’ve known.” He chuckles “A recent customer was quite possibly the most arrogant person I'd ever met. I suspect I won't need to cut you off and throw you out onto the street too?” Gale scoffs confidently “I’d like to see you try. Besides, I'm sure you're aware we're not all the same. I, for instance, am exceptionally humble despite my many impressive accomplishments.” Wolfram chuckles at Gale's smug expression then winks "I'm just teasing you. How about this, handsome - you keep an open mind and I’ll do the same?” Gale looks confused, more by the nickname than the proposition. He recovers and smiles apologetically “That sounds like a most excellent idea.”

After making the rounds, Wolfram returns to his tent. Despite his exhaustion, he can't sleep. He tries to think of home... his cozy apartment, the little bar and its odd clientele, the street urchins that may be going hungry without him to dole out scraps at closing time, the contracts he'll miss out on in his absence - likely to go to some bloodthirsty Guild member without care for casualties... Unfortunately, the only image that seems to stick is one of tentacles breaking through his skull. How will he lead this group of misfits amid his rising panic? How will he keep up his calm facade? A restless night of tossing and turning won't help, but that seems to be what's in store for him.

[moonmerchant]

Mudshock (Jay/Nya/Cole)

(This is reposted from my original blog)

Inspired by this post by @smallmartiniolive

I recommend reading my Jaya post first

Nya's situation is similar to canon, minus the love-algorithm thing. She is happily dating Jay, when a stupid kid sees her interact with Cole and asks if she and Cole are dating. She denies it of course, but the seed has now been planted in her mind, and she subconsciously starts paying more attention to Cole. Eventually, she realizes that she has started to catch feelings(?) for him and freaks out a little.

She isn't sure if she actually likes him, or if she just thinks she does because of the suggestion. She likes him as a friend at the very least, but she has to admit that he is pretty nice and sweet and kind and funny and caring and responsible and good-looking and gives amazing hugs and... fuck.

She can't like Cole, she's dating Jay! And if Jay ever found out, he would be crushed and possibly feel betrayed.

She resolves to ignore her budding crush on Cole and to never tell Jay about it. She and Cole grow closer over time as friends and she stubbornly refuses to acknowledge her growing crush.

Meanwhile, Jay is actually going through a similar crisis ('I can't like him, I'm dating Nya!'). This comes with the added bonus of 'He's my best friend!' as well as 'Am I bisexual?!' He also ignores it and doesn't tell Nya about it, fearing rejection.

Cole, on the other hand, is thick as bricks when it comes to romance. He notices Nya and Jay starting to act a little strange around him, but brushes it of. Nya might just be a little shy around him, he knows that he can look intimidating. And Jay acting wierd is pretty normal, honestly.

He also brushes off his own strange feelings around them, because it's probably nothing and they're already dating each other, though their relationship has seemed a bit... not strained exactly, they aren't upset with each other, but kind of awkward. He hopes that they work it out, even if he feels weird about it for some reason.

Then one day, all of the ninja are hanging out and Kai casually mentions that while he never dated much, there was one time he dated two guys.

Jay is like 'omg, you were a player?!' to which Kai responds with something like 'no?? They both knew that I was dating the other person at the same time and they were cool with it.'

Someone (Jay or Lloyd probably) exclaims 'You can do that?? Date multiple people and have it be cool??' And Kai is like 'yeah, as long as everyone is happy and has informed consent, why would there be a problem? I think there's even a name for it, poly-something'

Cue three minds exploding at the option that they never even considered. No one suggests it right away, all three taking some time to think about it. Jay talks to his parents about it, Nya researches it on her own, and Cole just rolls the idea around in his head for a while.

They still hesitate to bring it up, each for their own reasons, but eventually someone confesses their feelings for the other two. They all then pour out their feeling to each other and realize 'oh, we all like each other.' They feel a little embarrassed at first, but soon laugh together in relief at the fact that they don't have to choose.

They talk it out and decide to give it a try. There are some rough patches at first, though not as bad as when Nya and Jay were starting out. Eventually, they all comfortably settle into their new dynamic. Jay and Nya still love each other very much, Jay and Cole already argue like an old married couple, and while Cole and Nya don't spend as much time with each other (since Jay is an attention-hog), they still enjoy spending some quiet time together.

MUDSHOCK PROPAGANDA WHOOOO!

I do love me a good OT3 lol

I'm not sure how the yin/yang proposal would work for three people, but I'm sure they'll figure it out :3

[derangedhyena-zoids]

Many thanks to my wonderful friends for helping me unfuck part of my fic. I am now feeling quite chipper about it again. I also want to dump a little quick backstory/lore info here re:Sara and her stupidity. I may have mentioned it on this blog before, but if so only glancingly... so. I'm putting it under a cut because it's ... ish? spoilers, but not really? because this is mainly meta-knowledge. and I don't think any of the characters will ever actually figure any of it out. OH WELL.

Backdraft as a group is/was older than it let on, but its form and function had seen a lot of radical changes in the ~half century prior NC0.

Backdraft used to have a very purist policy for their membership - it was a "I do what I want" club comprised largely of rich Imperial families and their kids. You didn't join this group you were invited - and you could only actually join if you could prove you were some stripe of Imperial descent. (I need you to picture that the kind of folks running this would be the kind of folks who would've been on Prozen's side, pre-crazy.) As time went on and politics became bland by way of a benign but totalitarian government, the populace lost both interest in and knowledge of their backgrounds. Imperial or Republic heritage didn't matter anymore, not to anyone but a select few. As proto-Backdraft's membership was aging out and dying off, it realized to survive as an organization it had to relax its requirements. The furor this caused led to the Committee structure being formed, so there wasn't (as intense) squabbling over leadership and the way things were being run. A lot of older folks in what soon became known as Backdraft caught and maintained good-old-days-itus, in which they began to resent the org being "polluted." But most everyone at this point had fixated on Backdraft's control and moneymaking capabilities - completely losing the original concept(s) in the process. Enter Sara and her years-long power grab. In the process of viciously making her way up the ladder, she learned about the org's history and had the bug put in her ear about the good-ol'-days. She wanted to return Backdraft to being Imperially-rooted for the following reasons: -she, herself, is categorized as from the Imperial line -she thinks herself superior to other folks and is, in fact, aware of her Zoidian genetics, minus the knowledge that they're Zoidian. -her understanding of history boils down to "when the Republicans touched shit everything got fucked up, wow." Which is a gross oversimplification and hilarious misunderstanding of Literally Everything, but this is the kind of shit that happens with history! Especially when immersed in roiling Agendas. Which tl;drs to, if she decides people need to die, she's going to target one group over another, very much. Sara this is eugenics please stop

In reality: -Raven is the reason Sara's bloodline is considered Imperial. Ryss never made it into the recorded equation. Considering that Raven himself probably wasn't of Imperial descent (his parents seemed kind of faction/location agnostic - which is a whole other population nuance rarely considered), Sara isn't really Imperial at all. -As a result of the Cataclysm, records went to SHIT. And a lot of information was basically re-compiled after entire cities & their associated recordkeeping had been destroyed. What could be recovered and rebuilt was, to a degree. But a lot of information came from people's recollections. Most records have a large degree of uncertainty in them. -Once science recovered a little, there were sufficient advances in technology to allow a degree of insight and provide better resolution for well known families/lineages. But most people didn't care by this point... and this kind of information was seen as little more than a rich person's vanity pursuit. (please see: the other post I did awhile back about modern technology's development being oddly stunted due to many societal factors, most of which are intentional) -The genetics of Ryss's bloodline are known but not associated with her or Zoidians. They're erroneously lumped in with all the other genetic fuckery going on with Imperial bloodlines... almost all of which was self-imposed by the royalty and nobility early on inbreeding too fucking much. -Sara's dumb quest to have Best Baby resulted in her having None Baby - she miscarried multiple times. Vega was her last try, more-or-less an accident, and absolutely not what she was after: on paper, Vega's father is Republican thru-and-thru. -...because anyone in from Hiltz's lineage are Republican. He sired kids in a Republican colony when he lived with the Scholar. Whoops, nobody knows. -But this ruins Sara's whole feeling-real-special thing, so she went full sunk-cost-fallacy and ignored it all. And though she does love Vega, you can't help but wonder if this colors her perception of him at all ... or she's just in complete denial of reality and substituting her own (yeah, it's this one.) The amount of characters who have any of this knowledge is very small and getting smaller by the minute. :I again, oh well.

[moonlit-tulip]

Tsukihime Remake Liveblog Archive, Part 2: Ciel Route

The newly-translated route! Which I finished last night. I had been thinking I'd wait a couple extra days before posting it, just in case I developed more to say, but on consideration… nah, I'm impatient, I'll just post it now. If I say additional things later I'll… I don't know, edit them onto the end and post a notice-of-something-having-been-added, or put them in a reblog, or something.

Below the cut: the Ciel-route segment of the liveblog, featuring spoilers for all of both the original Tsukihime and Tsukihime -A piece of blue glass moon-.

June 17, 2023

[4:14 PM] Knowing that everyone’s memories of Ciel are fake, it’s very funny going through the opening segments of her being widely known as The Perfect Senpai So Good That Even The Teachers Rely On Her. Like, sure, useful cover, but also, that sure is a reputation to have given herself! (And to then, in proper Perfect Senpai fashion, deny when it’s mentioned to her face.)

[6:36 PM] The “dreaming of a story that has already passed” scene at the start of the second day has me wondering, now, whether this remake is yet another of the ‘remake’-as-stealth-sequel setups that seem to be popular nowadays. I somewhat hope not—I find that pattern somewhat frustrating—but it is a possibility I should maybe keep in mind, given that scene.

[6:59 PM] …especially, it now occurs to me, in the context of Day 2 being called ‘Day that Wasn’t’. That’s a name whose significance-to-the-local-narrative I was never able to figure out, last year; the only meaning I could ever get out of it was the “this day wasn’t in the original, only in the remake” meaning, and while that’s definitely part of the meaning I’d assumed it was just one half of a double-meaning. But, if the remake is doing the stealth-sequel thing, that assumption suddenly seems much less well-founded; it could, easily, just be the reference-to-this-being-different-from-the-original that I first read it as.

[7:04 PM] In other news… so, last time, I talked about how the mansion feels less isolated in the remake than in the original, with Saiki Gouto and Arach showing up early on. This remains true. But the flip side of this, which I didn’t consciously register last time, is: while the mansion itself is less isolated, Shiki is more isolated within it. There’s much more emphasis on his status as the Ill-Fitting Outsider, with Saiki’s “your getting injured and disowned about it was an Unvirtuous Desertion Of Family Obligations” monologue and then with Akiha’s generally-more-emphasized-in-the-remake degree of Pointedly Overbearing Demandingness towards Shiki. So it’s actually more of a change to the mansion’s tone than I’d realized; minus one thing and plus another, rather than just the minus.

[10:13 PM] Day 3 complete! I am now Solidly On Ciel's Route, I think. Or at the very least I've made it past the point which (a) was the final point-of-no-return for onboarding to Ciel's route in the original and (b) is where I ran into Japanese text when I found my way onto it under the old Arcueid-route-only patch-version. The "Ciel talks Shiki down from suicide-via-exposure and gets him into a state of thinking and engaging with the world again" scene was very good, as it was in the original, although it's been long enough since I've read the original that I can't easily do detailed comparison of content beyond "very good", or of fine details of how very-good they were relative to one another. And I look forward to seeing how things diverge from here! I strongly suspect that one of the things the remake is going to change is the degree to which Arcueid and Ciel's routes overlap one another, since that was one of the more awkward structural elements of the original; but I'm not sure how much earlier to expect the divergence this time. The one Arcueid-route Bad End with the investigation-of-Vlov's-lair, where Ciel-sensei strongly hints that that it'll be safer to do that in Ciel's route, could be interpreted as meaning that it'll still re-merge at least for the initial adventures-with-Arcueid section—especially in combination with the game UI suggesting we're still in common-route territory, with Day 4 having the same name even after the big heartfelt moment with Ciel and with the save still not being marked with any particular route—but also could be compatible, potentially, with "things continue diverging and the investigation-of-Vlov's-lair happens in some other different context". I look forward to finding out!

[10:39 PM] Also, off in the realm of Parallels Which Were There All Along But Which I’m Only Now Managing To Catch: it Sure Does Hit A Way, seeing Ciel give Shiki the “don’t just sit there and drown in suicidal guilt about the murder-you-did-while-not-yourself, instead figure out how to atone” speech given the knowledge of her own position having (a) done way more of those than he did and (b) being pretty suicidal about it. Giving him the maximally-optimistic form of advice which she refuses to accept in that form from herself. :(

June 18, 2023

[1:10 PM] …so Shiki was explicitly noted, during the stalking-Arcueid sequence, to have hidden away his jacket before breaking into the apartment building. But then, the next morning, Ciel implies that she’s washed it. This suggests that either (a) he had the presence-of-mind to retrieve it on exit even while in full barely-coherent-despair-and-guilt mode or (b) Ciel managed to figure out where he’d left it. (More likely (a), since he presumably retained his jacket in the non-Ciel branch too? I don’t specifically remember it, but I assume I’d remember if his school uniform had been incomplete the next day.) Both of these branches are Interesting, from an “implying things-not-otherwise-shown about characters’ mental stated” standpoint!

[1:13 PM] …or never mind that parenthetical! Since apparently they’ve got spare jackets at the Tohno household.

[2:59 PM] …huh. So this time I noticed: Arcueid gave the “only one vampire ever took in more than one beast as a familiar, and he’s already gone” line that makes Nrvnqsr’s nonexistence in the remake-timeline clear and that left me-a-year-ago Confused by the two dogs accompanying Vlov in his attack on the hotel. But then, on the whiteboard behind her, she’s written “Usually 1-3 animals”. So… only Nrvnqsr has taken in more than one kind of beast but others have taken in e.g. more than one dog? Or they can take in a single dog but then release multiple copies? It’s a bit unclear, but does make me lean towards “there’s something hard-to-translate in the thing Arcueid says there” as a more likely hypothesis over the “Vlov’s two dogs are an Actual Mystery” reading I’d taken last time.

June 19, 2023

[3:01 PM] …huh, apparently Vlov’s gang got a girl from Shiki’s school some time before they got Shiki. I wonder if, in the remake, Satsuki got vampirified by Vlov rather than by Roa? Relevance-to-Satsuki’s-route could certainly explain the otherwise-mysterious thing where the remake inserted Vlov in place of Nrvnqsr, if for whatever reason Nrvnqsr’s personality and habits would be incompatible with the route’s happenings. (Although also plausibly it was just some other not-Satsuki girl; after all, we already have had very strong implications of at least one non-Satsuki victim of Vlov’s gang from Souya High, namely the teacher who Noel replaced.)

[3:27 PM] …ah, nope, at least the most recent one they were talking about is Not Satsuki.

[4:49 PM] Ciel with a gun! :o

[5:50 PM] It's interesting how much worse Shiki's mental state is in Ciel's route, compared with in Arcueid's. During Day 5 he had two internal monologues with "well, the only thing I'm good for is Doing Murder" as a core component, compared with zero similar ones that I recall in the Arcueid branch. Apparently the combination of "be less in denial about having killed Arcueid" plus "encounter the Deeply Unpleasant Environment of Vlov's basement" was Not Good For Him!

[5:52 PM] (Or possibly just the former? I haven't yet checked what happens if, at the apparent point-of-no-return of "set out to attack Vlov in his lair during the day", I instead choose the other option of waiting for night, whether that merges into Arcueid's route or whether it leads to some sort of death instead. If the latter, then perhaps it's just the being-less-in-denial part which leads to the worse mental state.)

[6:14 PM] Also: Vlov has a grudge against Roa, apparently! There won't be much more chance to explore it from Vlov's perspective this route, given the thing where he's now dead, but I'm curious if we're going to get anything on it from Roa's perspective, once he starts leaking more into Shiki.

[6:37 PM] (I say 'leaking more', as opposed to just 'leaking', because, while popular interpretation of Shiki's big moment of Suddenly Stalking And Murdering Arcueid In A Fashion Laden With Blatant Sexual Overtones seems to be that it's just a Nanaya-family-instincts thing, I myself have always taken that moment to be at least partially leakage of Roa's influence. For one thing because that is very much in-character as a direction for Roa's influence to point—he is far more obsessed with Arcueid than with anyone else, it makes sense for him to reach through more strongly to Shiki about her than about anyone else—and for another thing because, as I recall (it having, admittedly, been a while since I last read Tsukihime), Shiki-running-on-Nanaya-instincts usually doesn't have those sorts of sexual overtones around killing, whereas Shiki-influenced-by-Roa consistently does.)

June 20, 2023

[1:49 PM] Well! Things sure did just diverge much harder than expected, the night of Day 6! Roa dead already thanks to Arcueid not burning as much energy against Vlov, and Arcueid herself possibly lining up to take over as Chief Antagonist, even before realizing that Roa has moved into Shiki Specifically, just for Difficultly Keeping Her Bloodlust Under Control Post-Being-Murdered reasons??? We’ve still got so many days left! Well, then. I guess it’s time for Lots Of New Things to happen!

[1:55 PM] (Notably, this feels like a much more… Fate/stay night-shaped way for the route-structuring to go. Less routes-hugging-one-another-closely-until-towards-the-end like in the original Tsukihime, more “okay, you’ve done the previous route, you’ve had all the exposition on who these people are and what they can do, now time to Elaborate and Explore New Ground From That Baseline Of Knowledge”. I hadn’t been sure, before, whether the Arcueid-and-then-Ciel route order would be enforced in the remake—it wasn’t enforced in the original, just recommended, and I didn’t think to test “try to get on Ciel’s route” in the remake last year before finishing Arcueid’s route, partially for “already knew that recommendation” reasons and partially for “it was untranslated so there wouldn’t be much point” reasons—but I now strongly suspect that we’re doing FSN-style route-order-enforcement here, because I don’t think the exposition-structures at play here would work otherwise.)

[1:57 PM] (Once I’ve finished the route and don’t need to worry about spoilers, I should go look this up and see whether this prediction actually holds up. :p)

[9:59 PM] > "I never said that Vlov was my target, did I?" Actually you did! I missed it in my run of your own route, but with more context I managed to catch it on this pass! You said the burning Dead in the alleyway had been created by your target. You were mistaken about that, but it still sure was a thing you said!

[10:03 PM] …also apparently Arcueid is running the same “bring Shiki in to hunt down Roa” maneuver this route as last route despite Roa already being dead! This is Suspicious, and I don’t think it’s being driven by Ciel-style suspicion-he’s-in-Shiki, I think it’s relatively pure “she likes Shiki and wants an excuse to spend time with him (plus bonus Growing Bloodlust Problems which seem noticeably less under-control this route compared with the last).

[10:06 PM] …ah, no, she is being open about having already killed Roa and is just bringing Shiki in for subsequent cleanup, never mind.

[10:42 PM] Arcueid is being So Worrying here, wow.

[10:47 PM] (Her reaction to Shiki’s headache-spike in the park. Not the hostility I’d expect if she’d realized Roa was working on possessing him, but she sure did realize Something. (Or maybe it was the Roa thing, just with bonus “aha, he’s not really in control yet and this is an Exploitable Opportunity of some sort”?))

[10:50 PM] …also. Wait a minute. Vlov has a grudge against Roa. Vlov stated his intention in town as being revenge, and expressed disgust for the overall state of the town. Arcueid doesn’t know what brought Vlov to the town in the first place. Did Vlov come by for purposes of launching some sort of attack on Roa?

June 21, 2023

[4:28 PM] Oh wow Noel has So Many Issues. That interlude was great. And I spent the first half of it wondering if she’s always like this by default or if this was the lingering-influence-from-Vlov’s-bite that Ciel and Mario had been discussing as a possibility, but after that second half… yeah, definitely some lingering (and escalating) influence. (Parallel with Shiki and his slowly-accumulating Roa-derived issues!) Although that doesn’t actually, on consideration, preclude that sort of vampire-mass-murder-with-bonus-torture having been among her habits even pre-Vlov! Since she sure did imply having pulled similar stunts previously in Europe, albeit to less effect.

[4:30 PM] Also: something happened thirteen years ago, apparently! It got mentioned once earlier, and again now this time. Roa’s pre-Ciel incarnation, maybe? But, mostly, Not Enough Information, for now. Something to keep an eye on as things continue developing.

[4:49 PM] ...hmm. Timeline. So. 1989, start of the Ciel-and-Roa flashback. Age 12, presumably 2001, the point where Roa-derived intrusive thoughts started hitting her. Age ???, the point where hiding in her room broke down as a strategy and Roa grabbed more substantial influence. Main story takes place... I'm not sure it's been stated directly, but probably 2020ish. Which would line up, given Ciel's outwardly-visible age, with that particular round of Roa-causing-trouble actually being the thirteen-years-ago one? Except in that case I'm not sure what would have happened seven years ago to set SHIKI off; Ciel had a Moment Of Horrified Realization about whatever-it-was, in the restaurant, but apparently in the remake it's not as simple as "Roa jumping into SHIKI set him off ~instantaneously upon Roa's arrival" the way I recall it was in the original, and I lack alternative hypotheses.

[4:52 PM] And apparently Roa has Plans To Make Arcueid His, beyond just "keep fighting her forever because he doesn't know how to deconflate lust from hatred" as in the original. I'm not sure what plans those might be, but whatever they are, they seem Worrying probably!

June 22, 2023

[5:25 PM] I am now re-confused! Ciel was 13 years old when she became an Executor? That doesn’t line up at all with Roa getting to her 13 years ago! And there’s a tempting alternate theory of “1989 was when Roa got to her, not her birth-year”, but in that case we run into the problem of why it would be the 13-years-ago incident that Noel is particularly traumatized about, as opposed to the ~31-years-ago one. My best guess is that the 13-years-old thing was just a cover story? Second-best guess is that the 13-years-ago Roa was somehow so bad that he managed to traumatize Noel even harder than the Roa who destroyed her hometown ~31 years ago? But I’ve got decently large piles of probability-mass on “neither of these, something weirder (or at least harder-for-me-to-predict) is going on”.

[6:38 PM] ...and Day 9 complete! That was very good. And now Ciel has said her goodbye. Which... if I'm remembering the trajectory of the original right, at that point she disappeared from everyone but Shiki's memories at school, and only reappeared to save Shiki from Roa. Which means it's time for the derailedness to progress still farther! What will drive Ciel to return this time, given the lack of external Roa to threaten Shiki? My best guess is Noel doing... something? Deciding to try to kill Shiki on the off-chance he's Roa? But low confidence in that, for now.

June 23, 2023

[5:35 PM] Well! Arach finally interacting with plot-significant events in a more substantial way than just "exist next to them"! I... expect that the references to her having eight legs were metaphorical, Nasu doing his usual animal-metaphors thing, rather than her being Literally Spider-Shaped? Given the lack of spideriness on her sprite that scene. But as for her actions... well. She claims that her 'helping' Noel is just charity; I find that I don't particularly believe her about that. Nor do I think it's likely to be as trivial as just "finally get to do a clinical trial of her Vampire Juice". She's up to something bigger. The question is whether we're going to actually learn anything about what that thing is, this route; I'm expecting her to be mostly involved in far-side events, even if she's unexpectedly poked her head into the near side—she was tied up with Makihisa, and is a regular at the mansion, and both of those are points far-side-ward—and as such it wouldn't shock me if she were to mostly just Not Involve Herself Farther in things for now.

[5:36 PM] Plus bonus "turns out Noel wasn't turning into a Dead Apostle to begin with, prior to Arach's intervention" irony!

[5:41 PM] ...and, for all her talk about how it's better to die than to become a vampire, it's kind of striking how definitively Noel chooses to live even when this entails turning-into-a-vampire. When she gave that die-rather-than-being-a-vampire speech to Shiki, I'd assumed this was her projecting, that her plan was to kill Shiki-who-she-Gettiered-herself-into-'know'ing-was-possessed-by-Roa and then to kill herself before her transformation was done. But then not only did she not do that but she also deliberately avoided letting the church find out about her transformation-in-progress, thus ensuring that they wouldn't kill her and she would (on her world-model) become a vampire. (And thus, because Cruel Irony, losing her chance to discover that she was Not Actually Becoming A Vampire before Arach got her.)

[5:51 PM] Also: Yet More Timeline Confusion! Ciel has affirmed the 'joined the church at age twelve' story, and apparently has been an Executor for six years. Which doesn't fit any of my projected timelines! If Ciel snapped quicker-than-I-initially-thought under pressure from Roa, got fully possessed and destroyed her hometown and got killed and joined the church at age 12, became an Executor at age 13, and has been at it for six years, then... well, that does line up with SHIKI's incident seven years ago, but then in that case what's going on with 1989 and with 13-years-ago? (Which aren't the same year, because this version of Tsukihime is set in The Era Of Smartphones and that era started post-2002.) Let's see. Suppose Ciel was born 1989, Roa possessed her in 2001, and now it's 2008. That's... unlikely, unless smartphones reached fixation a few years earlier in Japan than in the US? But the first iPhone was only 2007, so I doubt it. Overall, I continue to not see any plausible timeline in which Noel-and-now-Ciel's claims around Ciel's age-at-which-she-got-tied-up-with-the-church line up.

[11:17 PM] ...am I wrong about when the present day is? Is it actually 2014, rather than 2020ish? If the present is 2014, then smartphones are plausibly already reasonably at-fixation in a way they wouldn't have been in 2008, and that lines up with the 13-years-ago number. But then that doesn't line up with her supposed 7-year timeline in the church, and so yet again I'm forced to conclude that that has to be some sort of lie unless there's something weird going on that I'm failing to consider.

June 24, 2023

[1:09 PM] !!! Satsuki is here at school on Day 11! Alive, to all appearances! I’d thought she was one of the unnamed-at-the-time missing students who got mentioned on Day 3, but apparently not!

[1:14 PM] …or, no, apparently she was out for a few days for reasons related to the serial killings, she’s just back now! I’m not sure what to make of that, but it’s definitely Interesting! Either she’s been vampirized but found some very-exceptionally-effective way of hiding it and avoiding sun-related problems and continuing to act like herself-as-she-was-pre-turning, or her run-in with the serial killer in this route somehow got derailed such that she didn’t end up vampirized by it! Interesting either way; I’m curious to see how her thread gets developed, when the far side comes around!

[2:43 PM] Huh, interesting that Shiki still pulls the “escape to the park” maneuver after The Incident With Kohaku, despite this involving running through a residential area a ways and despite the largeness of the Tohno mansion-grounds-forest! I suppose distance-from-the-targets-he’s-been-most-fixated-on was a higher priority for him, in his escape-panic, than more general distance-from-the-nearest-people. (Or perhaps the park is bigger than I’m envisioning it as being from the art, enough to beat out even the 40-acre-if-I’m-remembering-right Tohno forest. Or perhaps he’s thinking strategically enough to realize that he’s more likely to be successfully chased after in the Tohno forest than in the public park. There are lots of options, just all of those options Imply Things Not (Yet?) Stated Directly.)

[6:49 PM] Day 13 complete! Wow that was A Lot.

[6:53 PM] So, the timeline-mystery is now resolved, via a six-year gap in which it was in fact very reasonable to count her as not-aging, because she was dead throughout that time. (Placing us, then, in 2014.) Meaning that Ciel is actually substantially younger in the remake, 19 rather than ~25! And also meaning that she Just So Happened to wake up the same year that Roa got to SHIKI, which seems like very much Not A Coincidence, even if it's not quite as direct a connection as the original's "SHIKI inverted ~immediately upon Roa!Ciel's death" one. Something something world didn't consider Roa to be alive until he was back re-active something something, maybe, and thus didn't see the need to enforce aliveness on 'Roa'-who-was-actually-Ciel?

[6:56 PM] (I don't recall any explanation from the original, and am somewhat unclear in the remake too, regarding why it is that Ciel alone seems to have immortality-for-as-long-as-Roa-lives, from among his many castoffs over the centuries. Presumably the same bug-in-the-world with her soul being bound to his also applied to everyone else's? I suppose possibly there are, in fact, a bunch of other immortal Roa-castoffs running around, and they just lack the rest of Ciel's exceptional ability-set and as such aren't Doing Big Things with their immortality the way Ciel is. (After all, someone at the Church needed to have enough idea what was going on to give Ciel the authentication-error metaphor.))

[7:02 PM] The remake version of the Ciel-versus-Shiki showdown was, as the original was, Thoroughly Excellent. Even with my faded-at-this-point memories of the original, I feel reasonably confident this time in proclaiming that the remake version is at least comparable in quality, if not better. Because it successfully brought me near-to-crying, towards the end, and crying is a rare-and-prized thing for me which I would remember had I done it during the original Tsukihime; thus I infer that, while the original plausibly brought me near-to-crying too (the memory is fuzzy enough that I'm not confident it did, but it's at least plausible), it didn't bring me to Actual Crying, meaning plausibly-comparable quality but probably-not-substantially-higher quality.

[7:06 PM] (I am somewhat unclear on where Ciel's information-source is, as far as backtracing the Shiki-Adoption Switcheroo goes. Records-investigation could get her as far as learning of the existence of two Shikis, if the records were erased sloppily, but at the time when she found Roa's coffin she'd gotten that investigation done and inferred SHIKI, rather than Shiki, to have been the adopted one, and I'm not sure what additional records she could have found to make her realize that she had it backwards. But this is the sort of minor thing which will plausibly not be returned to; the details aren't hugely plot-essential, even if I happen to be idly curious about them.)

[7:08 PM] (And I don't think she was lying, at the coffin scene, about getting it backwards, because it wouldn't really have... helped? It wasn't like exactly which of the Shikis was which particularly factored into her cover-story for continuing to hang around him, or anything. I think she just... got additional information, somehow, afterwards?)

[7:24 PM] Then we had the Noel showdown. Which was... not nearly as intensely good as the Ciel showdown? But it was still interesting; it felt much less out-of-place than e.g. the Ciel-versus-random-monster-of-Roa's fight in the finale of Arcueid's route, much more like it was actually about the characters rather than just a new fight scene for its own sake. Overall, I like Noel a lot as a villain! I'm not sure where I'm ultimately going to fall on whether her finale taking the form it did was to the benefit or the detriment of the remake, relative to the original—it involved... a lot of Flashy Fighting With Less Emotional Baggage Than The Fight It Immediately Followed?, where I found Noel at her most interesting during the earlier sections of the route where she was less about the Direct Fair-Ish Combat (which she was, after all, not hugely good at) and more about the Preying Upon Those Weaker Than Her—but it was, at the very least, Interesting.

[7:29 PM] And, as a subcomponent of the Noel showdown, we got the big flashback to Roa!Ciel! Which was both effective-in-its-own-right, as an establishment-of-how-horrible-Roa-can-get and as a contextualization for Noel and why she's a mess in some of the specific ways that she is, and also interesting from a standpoint of there sure did seem to be some familiar figures there. There was the spidery one who was monologuing in a very recognizably Arach-like manner, and there was also, I'm pretty sure, Vlov's silhouette! Which, coupled with the mention of an unexpected sixth person showing up and throwing off Roa's plans, has me very much suspecting that this isn't the last we're going to see of this particular event, that it's going to be unveiled still farther either over the remaining day(-or-maybe-days-if-the-remake-adds-an-extra) or somewhere in the Far Side. (More likely the latter, for previously-mentioned "Arach seems Far Side-flavored" reasons.)

[7:32 PM] (And also: Vlov seemed to really hate Roa, during his fight with Shiki and Ciel, to the point of there being some implication that he'd come to town specifically in order to get some sort of revenge on him. Vlov's silhouette seemed, in Noel's flashback, to be not actively attacking. So what happened, to flip Vlov's opinions on Roa as hard into antagonism as they ultimately got flipped? This also points in the direction that probably Vlov will have more revealed about him in the Far Side, that he won't be relegated to Offscreen Irrelevance the way Nrvnqsr did in the original Far Side.)

[7:37 PM] And then Ciel made her very interesting comment, that since Shiki and Roa are merging into one Shiki would be able to remember anything Roa had done, and thus definitely hadn't killed anyone. Which leads to the question: where, then, did Shiki's two days of missing memories disappear to? He jumped straight from Friday to Sunday. At first I'd been leaning towards mostly Roa with some outside chance that it had been Ciel doing her memory-wiping thing repeatedly, but at this point if Ciel had done it she'd have admitted it, and apparently it can't have been Roa either. So who can it have been? It seems like not-Arcueid's-style, so I'm leaning towards not-her; and, while it seems like it might have served Mario's goals somehow (...not that I've got the best read on what his goals are, even now), it doesn't seem like it's within his capabilities, relative to my current model of them. So I'm not sure! One more Lingering Mystery for the collection.

[7:41 PM] One place where I find the remake to suffer a bit relative to the original, here: it loses the feeling of Repeated Finale-Fakeouts. In the original, Roa is killed, and this initially appears like, okay, the protagonists have won, now we've just got Happy Epilogue to go! And then he starts possessing Shiki. And then Shiki and Ciel have their big showdown, and at the end of it they're closer to one another than ever and have a plausible-sounding plan for his defeat, and this initially appears like, okay, the protagonists have won, now we've just got the Happy Epilogue to go! And then Roa is stronger-than-planned and takes Shiki outside and Arcueid is there waiting, and only then does the true finale happen. Whereas, here, Roa's death happens early enough to be very clearly a start-of-tension-building rather than a finale, and then the narrative pointedly brings back all its hooks of Future Antagonists after the Shiki-and-Ciel showdown rather than doing any sort of fakeout, with Noel showing up immediately and then with Arcueid getting her interlude-to-remind-everyone-that-she's-still-active before the Shiki-and-Ciel-in-Ciel's-apartment scene. And I liked the original's finale-fakeouts, so I feel a bit sad about their absence in the remake.

[7:49 PM] Also I was somewhat surprised at how non-awful Roa!Shiki's attack on Kohaku ended up being, in this version. Still bad, certainly—and presumably worse, in the Bad End branch I have yet to explore—but much less specifically hitting her right in the yet-to-be-revealed Deep Backstory Traumas, compared to how it went in the original. Which... probably wouldn't have been surprising to me if Arcueid's route were different, but since Arcueid's route did still keep the sexual elements of Shiki's attack on her in the alleyway the one night (albeit in toned-down form), I was kind of expecting something similar here? But instead the thing of Roa-instilled aggression taking on a specifically-sexual shape is mostly left very understated, mostly only visible (at least so far) in Shiki's somewhat-more-active flirtation in the days before things come to a head and in Flashback!Roa!Ciel's state of nudity. Which is interesting! I wonder what led Nasu to tone that down as far as he did in the rewrite, while still leaving the Arcueid-route bit relatively un-toned-down; in my mind, the two had seemed more of-a-kind with one another, more "probably either both go or neither goes"-shaped.

June 25, 2023

[11:22 AM] Well! Normal end get! Which is not the true end, because apparently the endings have been rearranged this time around! :o

[3:40 PM] ...and true end get! In unexpectedly-actionized form!

[3:46 PM] This is much more the sort of thing I was semi-expecting back in Arcueid's route, after the Vlov fight proved Unexpectedly Escalatory relative to anything in the original. But was nonetheless unexpected here, because after the way Arcueid's route was in fact not ever re-actionized to that degree of intensity post-Vlov I expected the same to hold of Ciel's route. But nope! Big Apocalyptic Setpiece-Battle Finale! Which it's going to take me a while to settle my feelings on, probably; but it does definitely drive me in the direction of more substantially internally differentiating the remake from the original, thinking of it more as a different story which happens to contain many overlapping components from the original, rather than as the-original-but-with-extra-budget. (Much moreso than e.g. Noel did; Noel felt like she was still basically running on standard Tsukihime-ish narrative stakes and standard-for-the-remake-ish power scales, being an extra wrinkle in the plot and character arcs but being mostly tonally in-line with the original; whereas the Big Arcueid Fight was very dramatically outside of the tone-space covered at any point in the original.)

[3:48 PM] (I remain confused about what That One Monster Of Roa's was doing, in the finale. Like, it felt like much less of a tonal/pacing hiccup this time around, a much briefer fight which did some work in showing Ciel's mental state in a route where her mental state is a core focus in a way it wasn't nearly as much in Arcueid's route; but it's still weird, from an "I don't understand why Nasu included it at all" standpoint. Given its spideriness, maybe it's going to be related somehow to whatever-is-going-on-with-Arach, once the far side comes around, and so it's here for purposes of Early Foreshadowing?)

[4:05 PM] ...I feel like Nasu's action-scene-writing has grown increasingly extravagant over time in a not-unambiguously-positive way. Like, the original Tsukihime's action scenes were generally pretty lightweight; Fate/stay night's were a lot more intense, but were still mostly pretty grounded scale-wise, even despite all the overpowered abilities being thrown around; but then Mahoyo had [rot13 for Mahoyo spoilers]gur ovt nzhfrzrag-cnex frdhrapr[/rot13] which dwarfed even the biggest Fate/stay night fights scale-wise, and the Tsukihime remake escalated still farther from there, with both Vlov and Arcueid escalating to attacks which straight-up would have destroyed the whole city had they not been stopped. And, like, the scenes are cool? But I feel like they're also... tipping increasingly in the direction of feeling out-of-place relative to their surrounding works, over time, tonally, in some way that's hard to articulate. Or... no, not quite that. Shaping the tone of their surrounding works, let's say. It's very hard to hold onto an original-Tsukihime-ish relatively-small-scale-storytelling mood amid a Big Fight Scene Where The City Is At Risk Of Being Casually Squished As A Side-Casualty; that those sorts of big fights happen anyway is one of the key elements tonally differentiating the remake from the original. And that's fine as long as one is aiming to write stories with the sort of tone that those fight scenes bring about; but it seems like a... loss of versatility? It reduces his ability to do other sorts of tone. I'm not sure that the modern-day Nasu would be capable of writing the sorts of relatively-smaller-scale stories that he started his career with, with Kara no Kyoukai and with the original Tsukihime, and that seems kind of sad, because I liked those stories. And, like, I like his more recent stuff too! But there's still something sad in the feeling that he couldn't go back to doing things-like-the-older-stuff even if he tried.

[4:11 PM] Anyway! Big Action Setpiece. Cool novel way of killing off Roa, which I found very elegant. And then a nice epilogue, mostly pretty similar to the original Ciel true-end epilogue as far as I'm managing to recall it. (...although it felt a bit more repetitive after the normal-end epilogue, here, since they covered a lot of the same ground as one another.) I didn't find the epilogue this time around to be as emotionally-impactful as I recall having found the Arcueid true-end epilogue—the big moments of emotional impact this route were mostly earlier, the various Big Moments Of Catharsis between Shiki and Ciel and between Shiki and Arcueid—but it still closed things off well enough in its own right, and was generally enjoyable.

[4:12 PM] ...and now all that's left is branch-exploration! And then the final accounting of my thoughts and of whatever lingering mysteries-from-this-route have yet to be resolved.

[4:17 PM] (Also I don't 100% understand the divergence between the normal-end branch and the true-end branch. Or, like, I get that Shiki trying harder to let Arcueid down gently in the true-end branch leads her to have more brainpower to spare on continuing to think while being All-Consumingly Mad At Him, thus leading her to invoke Serious Large-Scale Reality-Warping against him rather than simpler-and-more-direct "regenerate and then apply Large Quantities Of Violence"-shaped actions like she uses in the normal-end branch; but I don't get the divergence on Ciel's end, why normal-end!Ciel has the Seventh Scripture but true-end!Ciel delays getting it and instead rushes to grab Shiki first. It seems like they diverge even before the reality-warping comes out, based on some other factor I have yet to discern?)

[10:51 PM] 100% completion done! At least to the best of my ability to discern via lack of non-viewed flowchart-entries, via lack of non-unlocked music-player tracks, and in general based on gallery-completion. 44 hours logged total for Ciel's-route-counting-branch-exploration, apparently. I'd be curious to see how that compares with my time on Arcueid's route, but unfortunately I didn't have game-time-logging set up for my Switch emulator last year the way I do now, so I suppose that will remain forever a mystery.

[11:02 PM] Thoughts from branch-exploration: - The "Shiki-under-Roa's-influence kills everyone in the mansion" bad-end-branch was High-Quality Horror. Very effective slow unveiling. Also I am very curious what Kohaku was thinking, in that one, with her continuing to pretend everything was normal even after both Akiha and Hisui were dead. I mean, presumably she was thinking "it would be undollish to have feelings about this, so I'm going to Not"; but it's still somewhat surprising to me that she was so blase about Hisui's death specifically, as opposed to e.g. adding Shiki more unambiguously to her revenge-target-pile and then being more cautious around him. I suppose possibly she intended to lace his food with Interesting Substances next time she fed him, and was foiled only by his un-accounted-for change of diet, or something? - Meanwhile, in the branch where everything isn't quite as terrible, we've got a very interesting interaction between Kohaku and Hisui around carrying Shiki up to his room, wherein Kohaku asks Hisui to do it (despite knowing about Hisui's issues around physical-contact-with-men), Hisui objects, and then Kohaku proceeds to formally give Hisui permission to make an exception to her usual patterns, after which Hisui does it without further objection (albeit while still pretty clearly feeling uncomfortable about it.) This is interesting. This is a wrinkle in the Kohaku-Hisui dynamic that I don't recall seeing in the original; in the original, as I recall, Hisui's issue-pile is more purely her own, influenced by her knowledge of Kohaku's history but never indicated as far as I recall to be a product of any sort of, like, explicit understanding between the two of them, as opposed to just Hisui reacting in her own way to the knowledge of what Kohaku went through for her sake. But apparently there's more to it, in the remake! - ...and then we had the Big Moment in the other side of red garden trailer, with Satsuki. The trailer as a whole was Very Pretty, but also more specifically I am so interested to see what's going on with the Satsuki route, and that single few-second patch of trailer is probably the biggest indicator I've seen to date of its likely shape.

[11:17 PM] Lingering mysteries: - Whence the missing memories? I would think Roa even more, now, after the everyone-in-the-mansion-dies branch, except once again that contradicts Ciel's statement that, if one does a thing under Roa's influence, one will remember that. And, indeed, even when Shiki is temporarily forgetting / not turning his mind towards Roa's activities, as in the scene with Mario and Shiki's lack of thinking-about-it-afterwards, it's pretty consistently the case that those moments are still followed by the eye of the narrative, indicating at least some degree of theoretical accessibility-to-Shiki probably. Whereas for the two missing days there's just nothing. So I'm not sure what's going on there. - Speaking of which: Mario! What's his deal? After this route we've got probably-close-to-everything-we're-going-to-get on Noel—she seemed like she had a pretty complete arc, here, and while I expect her to still feature in the far side I don't specifically expect her to be a big player in it—and I've updated towards Mario's two less-in-focus minions (Karius and the other one) being probably Actually Genuinely Unimportant Side Characters, but Mario himself has taken a big step up in Mysteriousness, similarly to Arach albeit less immediately plot-affectingly. It sure does seem like there's some sort of hivemind or body-transference or something along those lines going on, in the Laurentis family, and apparently they-via-Mario are looking for the secrets of immortality, but we've got very little in the way of detail, so far. Little enough that I find myself wondering if we're going to get more church-focus in The Other Side of Red Garden than we did in the original Far Side, to go more into this. - What's up with the variable stopping power of Shiki's eyes? The story specifically makes a point of noting that even just tracing a line, on one of Vlov's dogs, is enough to stop it in its tracks and render it sufficiently definitively Dead that it can't even take purely-reflexive final actions like Bite Down Harder On Shiki; and yet, in the Roa!Shiki-and-Ciel-kill-each-other ending, Ciel manages to remain functional enough to stab through Roa!Shiki even after he stabs a point on her, which naively I'd expect to have even more stopping power than tracing a line. (And I half-recall that Roa similarly managed Action In His Final Moments in Arcueid's route, even if it's been long enough that I no longer remember the precise details.) Something something Lifescale something something, higher Lifescale leads to increased ability to continue acting after getting got with Mystic Eyes of Death Perception? (This would also line up with Arcueid being able to straight-up keep on fighting him, when he slashes her lines in the normal-end branch, only being somewhat slowed down rather than anything more serious.) - ...plus everything already discussed earlier, Vlov's feelings towards Roa and Arach's deal and so forth.

[11:18 PM] ...oh, also, the bit in the Black Key exposition-branch where Ciel starts out trying to replace all references to magecraft with prayer only to give up midway through was Very Funny. One of my favorite comedic moments in the whole VN, I think.

[11:20 PM] And that's everything, I think! It's been fun. I look forward to The Other Side of Red Garden coming out, whenever it does that.

[11:23 PM] (It sounds, from Ciel-sensei's lesson with the Other Side of Red Garden trailer, like plausibly it'll be less action-y; it was described there as being more mystery-shaped instead. I'm curious to see whether that means the Fights With Apocalyptically Powerful Abilities Being Thrown Around Endangering Everyone are less present in the far side than in the near side; my current guess is no, that we'll see similar sorts of stakes-escalation around e.g. the big Akiha fight, plausibly whatever is going on with Arach, et cetera, because as mentioned earlier I'm not convinced Nasu is really capable any more of not doing that sort of thing.)

[11:30 PM] ...also I wonder if Satsuki's route is going to end up being sort of a bridge between the near side and the far side. Because we keep getting all these hints of far-side-content hooking back in with Roa's schemes, with the person-who-sounded-like-Arach in Noel's flashback (and, for that matter, more generally with the nature of whatever Roa was trying to do against Arcueid in that incarnation being repeatedly teased-but-not-revealed), and with whatever is going on between Roa and Vlov that hasn't been discussed much yet, and so forth; and, in the Other Side of Red Garden trailer, Satsuki was the one character to be shown against the backdrop of the broader city rather than specifically of the Tohno mansion; and, of course, Satsuki herself has a connection with Roa, on account of his being the one who turns her. So... possibly that route is going to be some sort of grand-finale blend-of-the-two-halves'-respective-tones-and-casts, or something? And if the remake were following original-Tsukihime-tone then I'd expect not-that, because the near-side/far-side split in the original is pretty sharp and never really gets blended like that; but the remake has at this point established itself as fully willing to handle tonal things differently, compared with the original, so I'm less confident in that and as such this seems a lot more plausible.

[11:34 PM] ...oh, also another lingering mystery I forgot to list earlier: what's up with Satsuki's apparent survival, in Ciel's route? Being attacked and then making it through well enough to be able to attend school in daylight, which is even more mysterious than if she'd just been butterflied into not-being-attacked. I have very little idea, right now, what to make of that, but it's definitely Interesting and something to keep an eye on.

[soulsxng]

Royalty verse info: The four kingdoms, pt 4! (technically 5, but we're ignoring the issues the Plains post had)

Vasyri

- Technically they're considered the youngest of the 4 kingdoms, because they had absolutely no leader figures, unlike the others, until very recently.

- The current ruler is Sivel Eszenra Vasyri, and he has only officially been named Luminary within the year...maybe even within the last 6 months, I can't decide for sure. Either way, the people of Vasyri seem to adore him very much, and he cares deeply for his people, in turn. He isn't married to Quella just yet, but there are rumors circulating that the two will likely end up binding themselves to each other soon.

- Sivel is supported in his ruling efforts by the High Scholasticate. These are beings that were originally known as keepers of knowledge among the people of Vasyri, and though that's still their primary function, they've since sworn themselves to Sivel's cause of creating peace between Vasyri and the other 3 kingdoms.

- Though Vasyri is primarily inhabited by the Vasyrus, there are quite a few other species that live here as well! Most of them being magic users of some kind or another!

- The Vasyrus here are the only completely ageless species, and I reason that it's okay because most of them end up dying fairly young anyway, when they lose control of their magic. (orz) I'd say average lifespan for them is only about 250 years, though if they make it past that, they can easily live for a few thousand years. (I'd say maybe 3000 would be the next average?)

- While the Vasyrus tend to be a species that never settles into one place, and wanders most of their lives, they have very few towns and settlements. Most are more trading posts than anything, or places where other species have made their homes...though in all honesty, most of those are ultimately meant to be temporary, as well.

- Vasyri's capital is extremely new, and the people of the kingdom have taken to simply call it The Convocation. A lot of trade happens here, but it is also where the people of Vasyri tend to go to exchange information. Another common thing people come to The Convocation for, is learning, as it houses what is likely the single largest archives in...just about any kingdom, I'm sure.

- Vasyri's monolith is called Nereius, and floats in place in the large pools of magic that surrounds the Grand Archives...so it's technically beneath Vasyri's palace, which is connected to said archives.

- Nereius, and those that worship it, are heavily aligned with elemental energies and magics (minus light and dark), as well as emotion. I will say that worship of Nereius is a very quiet thing, and most people don't discuss it. Essentially, it's seen as more of a personal thing than anything else.

- One of the reasons that Vasyri is on kind of thin ice with the other kingdoms, is something that is mentioned above in the bit about the Vasyrus' mortality. The Vasyrus are essentially beings made of magical energy, and in certain cases, even slight imbalances in that energy can cause them to lose control and start to break down. This breakdown manifests as a large, and extremely destructive blast of magic that always results in the death of the Vasyrus that lost control.

- Not many people realize what this loss of control is, because up until extremely recently, most of Vasyri's people are nomadic and live their lives traveling in small groups (if not alone), and thus there...isn't really a lot that's known about those that live there. Even some Vasyrus don't know about it, if that says anything.

- Anyway, their relationship with Setia is currently the worst, and many say that the two are on the verge of a war.

- Next would be their relationship with Ahnia, which...though they're technically neutral with each other officially, there are a lot of Ahnian people that are openly antagonistic to those from Vasyri. Currently though, the relationship between Ahnia's king, and Sivel, Vasyri's Luminary, is actually pretty decent. (I'll also take this as a good time to say that, in the regular verse timeline, this is very shortly before the war between the Setana and Ahniri, and the Vasyrus breaks out. So. Take from that info what you will.)

- Their relationship with the Aifaen is probably the only one that can actually be considered a decent one, as the two have a more or less mutual respect of each other. Even if both sides are also a little wary of the other.

[chaseadrian]

munson // myers

—day 2. masks // [kinktober masterlist] Probably not a great idea to scare the traumatized drug dealer, but in your defense, you don't know he's traumatized. The trailer has a well stocked first aid kid, luckily.

pairing. eddie munson/f!reader wc. 1.8k tags. 18+ ONLY, marijuana use, eddie straight up punches reader in the face, straddling, masks obvi, eddie is reader's dealer, post canon minus the death, reader is a nosy brat, consensual slapping, cowgirl, vague knifeplay, vague dom!eddie

You aren’t exactly supposed to be in Eddie’s room, but he was running late and waiting on the porch step for your dealer in full view of the entire trailer park isn’t a good look. The notch on the door pops off with a quick flick of your pocket knife, and your sneakers sink into the shag carpet, stained with beer and cigarette ash. It smells like menthols down the hallway, but the air in Eddie’s room is heavy with lingering weed and boy sweat. 

There’s spray paint on the wall, crooked tapestries hung with tape, shirts with bleach stains crumpled beside the bed. You rifle through his closet, the fluffy mane of what appeared to be a lion costume pulling you in, only for you to realize it’s actually Alf. You laugh at the thought of Eddie’s trim body stuffed into the lumpy suit, and continue looking through his stuff. There’s a box of old comics, loose dice with the numbers half rubbed off, torn notebook paper with big X’s over failed fantasy drawings. You'd have never pegged him as an artist. 

You push aside what you think to be an empty duffel bag, but a hint of white on the inside encourages you to look further. 

Before you can even register what you’re seeing, the front door opens, and you hear the slow patter of footsteps down the hallway.

Standing up, you duck down and brace yourself just by the door, watching Eddie’s reflection in the mirror as he comes down the hallway, lingering space between each step. You figure he can see you in the mirror, his gaze careful and nervous, and for a second you reconsider what you’re about to do. 

As he gets closer, your heartbeat thumps in your chest, and you can’t help but smile. The excitement of scaring him wins out over the fear of hurting him. Your breath is hot, and you spare yourself a glance in the mirror, bracing with a deep inhale.

The moment he passes the threshold of the door, you pop out and scream, arms feigning to grab him. 

“Shit!” He spits, and punches you square in the cheek. 

“Ow, fuck! What the fuck!” You say, muffled and angry, catching yourself as you stumble back. 

Eddie’s expression falls from fear to frustration, “Jesus fucking Christ, what are you doing here! Why are you wearing that!”

“I found it in your closet, you were late, I thought it’d be funny!” 

“Oh, you thought it’d be funny.’ He looks around to no one, speaking to himself, hand pressing up his bangs, “She thought it’d be funny.” 

“Funny enough to risk getting a shiner?” He flicks the forehead of the mask, and you pull it off, rubbing your cheek. 

“No.” You throw the mask at him, and he catches it against his chest, “Why’s it shoved in some duffel bag, anyway? You robbing banks with a Michael Myers mask, Munson?” 

“Close. You remember when I was, oh, you know, accused of murder?” He wiggles the mask, “This got me around.” 

“You’re kidding.” You tap at your cheek, the skin growing tender, watching the frown on his lips as he shakes his head silently. You scoff, “Cops in this town are a joke.” 

“Don’t remind me.” He reaches out for your wrist, pulling you to the bathroom, “Let’s get you some ice.” 

You’re sat on his toilet a minute later with an ice pack on your cheek, and Eddie beside you on the rim of the bathtub. The air in the room is more awkward than tense, and after a few minutes Eddie takes the ice pack from you, wrapping fresh paper towels around the freezing chunk of chemicals, tossing the soaked ones in the trash. 

“Thanks.” You say, and he flicks his finger over the stiff hair of the mask, scoffing. 

“Welcome. Consider it a souvenir.” 

“I’m getting a discount now, right?” 

“Mmm,” He purses his lips, looking up to the ceiling as he considers, “Ten percent.” 

“Ten percent?! You punched me!” 

“You asked for it!” 

There are smiles in your voices, and you shake your head at him, squinting your eyes, waiting for a better offer. 

He sighs, pulling your hand back and staring at the darkened skin, “I’ll smoke you up. No charge.” He grazes a finger over the bruise, light enough that it doesn’t hurt, his dark eyes soft as he stares for several extended seconds. 

The moment he meets your gaze, the softness is gone, the belligerent kick of his eyebrow and playful lilt of his lips takes its place. 

So you wind up on his bed, still holding an ice pack to your face, passing a weak blunt back and forth. That stupid mask is resting on Eddie’s stomach, and as you pass him the blunt, he sits up and pulls it on. 

“I’m gonna try something.” He tugs it all the way down after taking a long drag, and you watch the smoke wisp down out the neck slowly. He shrugs, snuffing the blunt out on the ashtray beside him, but he keeps the mask on.

You stare at him with obvious judgment, he looks like a complete idiot in the mask, and on some level it’s funny to think of your absolutely not intimidating dealer as some psycho killer. At least, he wasn’t intimidating until he literally punched you in the fucking face. 

Maybe that’s why you slide onto his lap, knees on either side of his hips, just hovering as his eyes widen behind the gaping holes in the mask. 

You let him look, your hands on your hips, reaching behind you for your pocket knife. You don’t unsheathe the blade, waving it in front of his face, “This is what he uses, right? A knife.” 

“Yes,” Eddie says, with sarcasm, the mask bobbing with his head, “Experienced serial killer Michael Myers uses a dinky pocket knife.” 

He swats your hand away, and you drop down onto him, a quiet ‘oof!’ from his lips. His chest rises and falls at a quickening pace every time you adjust, the natural bulge of his denim now hiding his erection. 

Again you reconsider your actions, but the softness in his eyes flashes through your mind, the kindness after he’d hurt you. It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to be hurt by him again, and you’ve got him already on edge. 

“Why not a pocket knife? A knife is a knife is a knife.” 

“Put it away.” It’s an order, there’s no question about that, and it’s exactly what you want from him.

“And if I don’t you’ll…what? Punch me again?” You smile at him, and he gets a gasp out of you by grabbing your wrist, wresting the knife from your fingers. He slaps it down on the bedside table, and returns with a light slap on the unbruised cheek. 

“If that’s what you want.” He squeezes your jaw, his free hand coming to the small of your back. 

The mask doesn’t look so absolutely ridiculous when it’s his voice from behind it. 

Things unfold quickly after that, shirts and jeans and everything but the stupid, but not-so-stupid mask shucked off under a minute. He fumbles for a condom from the package on the table, flicking it at you as you sit on his thighs, “Put it on for me.” 

You play at tearing it open, dropping it once, trying and failing to rip it with your teeth, and Eddie slaps you again, a little harder now. 

“Keep playing games I might just fuck you raw.” He slides his knees up, forcing you to his pelvis. The precum dribbling from his tip rubs against your skin, and you consider the threat for a moment before deciding you’d rather not have your drug dealer’s baby, no matter how hot he is. 

He makes you do all the work once you sink down onto him, your thighs burning with every pump, his hands relaxed behind his head. Fuck, if he doesn’t fill you up though, his cock is thick and you feel his tip muddying your insides. You’ll have that queasy feeling tomorrow, like you’ve been rearranged, the pouch of your stomach rumbling and aching over the empty space he’d leave. 

Resting your hands on his chest, you close your eyes and listen to the sounds he gives you, palms dewy with perspiration as his body heats up. 

Without warning, he brings a hand between your legs and slides a thumb over your clit. You gasp, and he pinches at your soft skin, whispering, “Shh, shh,” 

You hold back a pained hiss, bottom lip pulled firm between your teeth, channeling hurt and frustration into the way you move on top of him, circling your hips and wriggling away from the touch of his hands. A part of you doesn’t want him to make you cum like that, doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction. The friction of his skin on yours as you grind down is more than enough, and the way he slaps you after every moan is all you’ll let him contribute to your orgasm. 

The muscles in your legs scream as you drop down onto him, and he starts bucking up into you slowly, mitigating your slight loss of rhythm. 

“Getting tired?” He asks, voice strained, hands coming down to your hips. He guides your movements, tutting and shaking his head, “Shame.” 

You stare at that godforsaken mask, feeling equally stupid for being turned on by it as he probably feels wearing it, and you shove off of him, repositioning yourself on your stomach. 

He laughs as he gets behind you, a hand on your hip, the other giving a quick smack to your ass, and he slots himself back inside. The entire weight of his body is on you now, humping more than thrusting, the loose rubber of the mask against your shoulder. 

You reach a hand underneath yourself, fingers circling your clit, building your own orgasm now. You know to expect it, your vision turning static at the start, pinpricks in the tips of your toes. What you don’t expect is Eddie’s to come barreling at the same moment, his body seizing over yours as your muscles spasm, both of you holding moans and letting out your breath in tune with each other. 

He flops off you and ties the condom, tossing it before he lays back down, an arm outstretched underneath his second pillow. He’s left space for you, and as you slide up next to him, you reach for the mask to pull it off. 

Both of you laugh out of ridiculous surprise. He stares at your lips. You stare at his eyes, and there it is. Tenderness glistening over his features. 

It’s gone the moment his eyes meet yours.

[simonsnowichooseyou]

This excellent essay was posted by @goodbyedandelion and reposted on Instagram—however their account sadly seems gone now. But it is in rememberence of their Tumblr spirit that I post a continuation to their essay!

EVEN MORE Reasons Why Carry On is so groundbreaking as a YA Fantasy/Romance

Misconceptions/Character Complexity

A large topic in YA Contemporary is gossip, but I feel like fantasy doesn’t touch on this as much. Think of how others perceive one another in Carry On. Early on we learn that Simon, for example, saw Penny as different because of her race. But of course, we quickly know this isn’t true.

But what about Agatha? In Harry Potter, for example, Lavender Brown and other feminine characters are often looked down upon because of their femininity. We often as a culture perceive beauty as overcompensation for what’s inside. Sometimes Agatha is looked at in the same light in Carry On, but when we see things from her POV, we realize that Agatha is perhaps the smartest one there. Maybe she’s not Penny Bunce-smart, but she has the survival instincts that Penny lacks.

Agatha isn’t the only one. Baz looks cold and unfeeling from others’ POVs, but we quickly learn that he is a boy with a soft heart that’s been hardened by his past. Everyone thinks he cares about nothing but we know he cares about his mother and how she’d feel about him; his father and step-mother and siblings; Simon, of course; Bunce, in his own way; he even cares about flowered suits and dramatic entrances! We think Bunce is nerdy and perhaps annoying, but we learn she’s very sweet and like a mother to Simon. And the mage. Ugh, the mage. We think he cares about Simon but we learn that for every bit he cares about Simon, he cares about the war more.

Rowell doesn’t allow any character to be simple, stereotypical, or as they appear. My sister, for example, was saying that Baz sounded like a stereotypical gay man in the media. But he’s not, is he? He might love fashion but Rowell does not make him simple or stereotypical. Everyone is so complex, and she uses the multi-POV to not just show us their complexity but also the complexity of how they are viewed by others.

Woman on Woman Drama/Anger

For years and years, only one woman was allowed to have a true seat at the table in films. Take Indiana Jones, the original Avengers, and Star Wars for example. This woman was often made to be the sex appeal or romantic interest, but I’ll save that for another day. Because of there only being one spot, it set a precedent that women in media needed to fight with each other to take that spot, thus depriving us of women getting along!

At first, I was worried Rowell had fallen into this trap. Bunce thinks Agatha is simple and too feminine, Agatha thinks Bunce is a major pain in the ass. Their dislike for one another is complicated in that they’re essentially two different types of feminism battling it out, and half of their fight was about Simon and their roles in his life.

But in the end, Penny and Agatha create a relationship that exists outside of their relationship with Simon. Penny sees Agatha’s strength and resilience; Agatha recognizes Penny’s harsh exterior for what is is. When Agatha moves away, they text without his even knowing. Penny is the one that decides they need to check on and save her. In the end, penny and Agatha fight alongside one another.

Rowell didn’t just give us a feminine friendship—she showed us what we’ve been doing, and how to get from Point A to point B. I think it’s the most underrated part of the series.

True Friendship

It might sound bad, but I truly believe a lot of today’s media ruins the idea of friendship. I just feel like none of the portrayals are realistic. Friends are either joined at the hip and have never fought (toxic) or never get along (also toxic). The fact that Baz and Penny and Simon and Penny and Agatha and Penny can get into fights but still continue to love one another platonically is really heartwarming to me.

Trauma/Mental Illness

I remember getting to the end of Harry Potter and thinking “he went through all of that and we’re just supposed to leave him now?” We see some remnants in the most cursed play ever: The Cursed Child. But more than trauma we see someone who looks back on the days they risked their life everyday with *longing.* While that’s about the most Harry Potter thing Harry Potter has ever done (and the most canonical part of that play) it’s so unrealistic. You’re telling me Harry grew up with nothing and was an amazing father—minus a few spats with his son. You’re telling me Harry was able to hold it together emotionally after fighting for his life from ages 11-18 without a therapists help? You’re telling me Harry lost two father figures in the ministry of magic AND spent 7 years going through what amounted to a lesson titled “the government is corrupt” just to be a part of that government!?

Wayward son isn’t like that. Wayward Son shows us what happened to Simon afterwards, and it’s not peaches and cream. He had therapy, he quit therapy. A lot of us have been Simon on that couch, and we all needed the Baz in our life to drag us across a metaphorical America. Wayward Son is hands-down my favorite book. Realistic depictions of mental illness, check. Subverting our expectations of after the end, check. Reading it feels like taking a road trip, check.

As OP mentioned, Simon is a beloved chosen one because he’s just so wrong for the role. He’s not levelheaded where he should be, he’s bold in all the wrong places, he couldn’t possibly maintain a professional relationship with the coven. Meanwhile his super-hot enemy Baz was the absolute perfect choice to be chosen, but he was completely passed over. And part of this chalks up to how Simon became so powerful—fate isn’t twisting its whims this way and that. Simon is only chosen because he was a Petri dish experiment-gone-wrong baby. When Simon asks the fates why, really he should be asking the mage. There’s something delightful about the fact that Simon was made. The chosen one was made, and in the same process, so was the greatest threat.

De-escalation

I think it’s clear by now that Carry On is a great book, Simon Snow is an amazing series, and Rainbow Rowell sure can write. But I feel the need to point out that the end of Carry On wasn’t well-received by everyone. I recommend the series to everyone I know and some people are really disappointed you don’t get a big magical battle at the end. Some people think Simon filling in the humdrum was a cop out. But I disagree. I felt it was thrilling to witness a book where war was as stupid in fantasy land as it can be in real life. This is the first fantasy I’ve ever read where they find a better way to handle conflict than senseless fighting. It’s emotionally rewarding, to me, to see de-escalation. To see conflicts fixed before they start to be huge problems. It was a risky choice for an end, you have to admit. But Rowell pulls it off amazingly.

Nothing is Wrapped in a Bow

A day will never go by without me thinking about the fact that Simon Snow Salisbury doesn’t know who his parents are. Or how Baz will never know what exactly happened with his mother—whether she really ended herself to avoid vampirism and whether she would’ve done it to her too. We’ll never even quite understand the mage’s plan behind fix the humdrum and get an all powerful boy wizard on his side. Rowell doesn’t wrap everything up. She gives you closure as often as she gives you something to ponder. The ending of Harry Potter was so controversial, I think, because it spelled out so clearly much of what was happening. And what you didn’t learn in that epilogue, Rowling released later through Pottermore and interviews. That’s fine and dandy—but there’s something to be said for ending Simon Snow’s books with questions. Not infuriating questions but rather things that I’ll always ponder—that will shed new light on different situations depending on how I look at them. Rowell sets a precedent that you can fill in Simon’s world with your imagination while also reminding us that life doesn’t have endings. Not really, the way books to. Rowell is one of the few writers of today’s fantasy, I’d argue, who’s okay letting things go unanswered. There’s always a thread of fantasy and magic going. It’s something that will keep Simon alive in my heart for many, many years to come.

So yeah, that’s what I think about when I think about Simon Snow. It’s not nearly as coherent as the original post but I hope you enjoy it.

[finduilasclln]

Welcome to my Buddie Fic Rec List!

Since I read so many Buddie fics, and some of them are so good, I thought I’d share them in some handy lists. I’ll be posting them in different categories, and you will be able to find all the posts HERE.

Disclaimer: Always read the tags and warnings! Also, tastes differ. These are my personal favorites, which doesn’t mean they’ll automatically be yours of course.

If you want to reblog and add some of your own favorites that fit the category, please be my guest! I always love discovering new fics. I will also add new recs of my own whenever I stumble upon them.

One last thing: Please like and comment when you’ve had a nice read. It means so much to authors to hear your thoughts! And don’t hesitate to share this post and spread the love for these fics around!

Buddie Fic Rec: "Love Confession"

You've woken up my heart, by Justhockey || 2795 words ||

He’s not sure of the exact moment that it happened - maybe there never was one, or maybe it was all of them. But Eddie has loved Buck all along, he just has a name for it now.

It’s the most gentle kind of revelation.

Beautiful rhythms, by extasiswings (@extasiswings) || 1465 words ||

“I’m confused,” Buck says slowly. “Are you...mad at me?”

“No.” Eddie looks up at the ceiling and rakes a hand through his hair, messing it up even further. The laugh that follows has an edge of disbelief. “I’m in love with you.”

[Or: Buck has a talk with Christopher. Eddie comes to a realization about their relationship.]

when you smile i am undone, by awashleyno || 1252 words ||

Eddie can’t remember the last time he’d laughed so much.

He hasn’t stopped, it seems, his cheeks hurting with the force of his smile and his chest aching, but in such a good way. In a way that shows he’s had a good time, a fun night — that he’s happy. He can’t really remember the last time he’s felt this way.

If he had to put money on it, he’d bet it would’ve been with Buck, then, as well.

Or,

Buck suffers because Eddie's smile is Too Much.

Untame my mouth, by Justhockey || 5788 words ||

Eddie knows that the baggage he drags along behind him is heavy. He thinks that if every time he got hurt, it left a scar on his skin - not just his heart - that he would be unrecognisable by now.

But Buck has always seen him; he’s seen the scared, and the ugly, and the angry. He’s seen the bruised, and the broken, and the healing. And he’s stayed for every second of it, never once considered walking away, not even when Eddie deserved it.

Fall Asleep in Separate Rooms, by youbetsya (@maddiebuckettebuckley) || 11405 words ||

Buck and Eddie play truth or dare while Chris is away at camp. The world turns upside down. Maddie solves all of Buck’s problems, despite being sick with “food poisoning”, because that’s what big sisters do. It storms in LA in July.

At Night, by Zainclaw (@zainclaw) || 3296 words ||

“My heart’s pounding,” Buck whispers.

Eddie swallows thickly, his own heart slamming so hard against his ribcage that it’s starting to hurt. He only needs to lean forward ever so slightly for their foreheads to touch, causing both their breaths to stutter into the small space left between them.

“Mine, too,” he admits.

And it almost feels like enough. Just being in this in-between. Just knowing they both feel something that’s more. More than just best friends. Without having to take the leap and change their relationship forever. Without doing something that can’t be undone.

Plus or Minus, by ElvenSorceress (@elvensorceress) || 10157 words ||

"Chris said you were crying. You came home, hugged him, and cried more than he’s ever seen.”

Eddie considers for a moment but then shrugs and continues neatly stacking mugs in the cupboard. “It happens. Sometimes. I’ve been told I’m supposed to let it out instead of bottle it up. So. There you go.”

“Why are you cleaning out the kitchen? Why is my stuff in boxes?”

Eddie slows, then stops. “Figured you’d want it back.” It’s quieter. Pained. When he says it.

“I haven’t decided anything. So unless you’re kicking me out—”

“Buck. Come on.” He’s not angry or snapping. It’s still quiet, and somehow that hurts even more. He’s resigned and defeated, and Buck is a scooped out, gutted, hollow shell. “I know how this ends the same way you do. You want to be loved, you want to be married. You’re going to leave. Might as well…” His voice cracks before he can finish and get it under control. “Shouldn’t drag it out.”

~~~

Taylor is offered a job across the country and asks Buck to go with her.

Buck has to figure out if he wants to start over or if he has a reason to stay right where he is.

the heart beat so loud, we could not ignore, by wonderfool (foolmetal) || 13882 words ||

Post 4x06/4x07, speculation for 4x08

“Change can be scary,” Buck says, “but we want your dad to be happy. Adults can get lonely too sometimes. He has a lot of friends at work, but he might be looking for someone who...can be a partner. Someone who worries about him and supports him when he’s feeling sad. Someone who loves him.”

“But he already has you.”

found the place to rest my head, by markofalover (@markofalover) || 2733 words ||

It’s just them. And it’s right, and goddammit, his own voice comes back to him, taunting.

I get taking things slow. But tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone.

If you love him, tell him.

...or, Eddie tells him.

maybe love won't let you down, by sibylsleaves (@sibylsleaves) || 15587 words ||

Buck tells Eddie he’s in love with him. Eddie pines.

or, five times eddie watches buck leave, and the one time he goes after him

what my heart used to dream of, by soyxunxperdedor (@messyhairdiaz) || 9290 words

Two weeks to the day that Eddie returns from Texas, Buck shows up on his doorstep with a duffel bag and a nervous smile.

“Why did you knock?” Eddie asks suspiciously.

“Because letting myself in with my key feels a bit presumptuous when I’m here to ask if I can crash on your couch for an indeterminate amount of time.”

Eddie bites back the gut instinct to say as if you have to ask. “Of course you can. Why, though?” He adds as he steps aside.

Buck heaves a world weary sigh as he drops his bag next to the couch and then plops down on the cushions.

“Taylor and I broke up.”

Don't look at me (you got a girl at home), by justhockey || 4477 words ||

“Hey,” Buck whines, resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder. “We’ve got a kid at home, okay. I gotta watch my language.”

Eddie almost chokes on his own tongue. We’ve got a kid at home. Jesus fucking Christ. He’s going to order an Uber and then throw himself in front of it.

(Or, Buck gets handsy when he’s drunk. Eddie has Feelings about it.)

All that I am is made up of you, by justhockey || 4375 words ||

Eddie can feel the tears streaming down his cheeks as his gaze flickers between Buck’s eyes and his mouth, and everything is so very quiet except for the beating of their hearts.

“You can kiss me, if you want to,” Buck bravely whispers into the silence that’s stretching out between them.

Something in the orange, by justhockey || 3200 words ||

“You’re asking me if not being able to abandon your kid makes you selfish?”

Buck rolls his eyes. “I mean, those aren’t the exact words-“

“Buck,” Eddie interrupts. “I mean this with all the love in the world, but you are so fucking stupid sometimes.”

impossible to know (if after this we can still be friends), by lecornergirl (@clusterbuck) || 1761 words ||

Hen sighs. “This better be an emergency.”

“Does Buck turning up on my doorstep and saying he’s in love with me count as an emergency?”

There’s a rustling of sheets like Hen’s sitting up in bed. “He what?”

“Showed up at my house,” Eddie says. “And said he loves me.”

“Damn,” Hen says, then, “Wait, so why are you calling me right now instead of doing things I never want to hear about, ever?”

“I, uh, sent him away,” Eddie says. “I—turned him down.”

“Eddie,” Hen says, in a tone he’s only ever heard her use when watching newbie probies mess up the easiest possible tasks. “Why?”

“I’m… not sure,” Eddie says after a long pause.

Something in the orange, by justhockey || 3200 words ||

“You’re asking me if not being able to abandon your kid makes you selfish?”

Buck rolls his eyes. “I mean, those aren’t the exact words-“

“Buck,” Eddie interrupts. “I mean this with all the love in the world, but you are so fucking stupid sometimes.”

whenever you want to begin, by markofalover (@markofalover) || 2487 words ||

Buck sighs, then, and it’s his turn to rub his face until he’s satisfied with the way it scrambles his brain. “She doesn’t like it. Valentine’s.”

“But you do.”

“I know.”

...or, two break ups and a confession.

love you in my sleep, by withmeornotatall (@chronicowboy) || 4212 words ||

"Buck," he whispers into the stillness of the night, shaking his shoulder lightly. Buck's brow furrows in his sleep, and his snores cease for an unintelligible grumbling that makes Eddie smile fondly to himself. "Buck, wake up." Eddie remembers, a few weeks ago, Christopher laughing at a tiktok of a woman startling awake in her bed captioned why does every parent wake up like this before he'd promptly shoved it in Eddie's face and told him 'it's you!'. Now Buck's eyes snap open, already scanning the living room like he's looking for danger until they settle on Eddie—blue as a sky before a storm, and Eddie's calm in the eye of a hurricane—and he's Christopher's other dad. (Part of him wonders if Christopher might have sent that video to Buck.) "Eddie, hey," Buck rasps, gravelly voice panicked and rushed enough to have Eddie straining to make the words out. "What's wrong? Is Chris— Are you—" "We're fine, Buck," Eddie soothes, squeezing his shoulder just to let Buck's warmth sink deeper into the bones of his hand. "Everything's fine, sorry."

(OR: eddie loves buck, he can't hold it in anymore)

***

I will be adding my own fics that fit the category, in case you want to read those too:

I can be your glow (Bringing you home), by Finduilas || 1199 words ||

Day 5: “Don’t give me that look.” + angst

If Cupid was nine years old, by Finduilas || 2345 words ||

Written for the Anon Tumblr Prompt: Christopher playing matchmaker for Buddie.

Practice Makes Perfect, by Finduilas || 3981 words ||

Day 2: “Are you really flirting with me right now?” + humor

pieces of me (are pieces of you), by Finduilas || 6945 words ||

Eddie and Buck get stuck when an earthquake takes down a house. Eddie will stop at nothing to make sure Buck gets to safety, even if it means hurting him.

Show me everything we built, by Finduilas || 1802 words ||

Buck is watching Christopher. Eddie is watching Buck.

[mcmansionhell]

Coronagrifting: A Design Phenomenon

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled content to bring you a critical essay on the design world. I promise you that this will also be funny. 

This morning, the design website Dezeen tweeted a link to one of its articles, depicting a plexiglass coronavirus shield that could be suspended above dining areas, with the caption “Reader comment: ‘Dezeen, please stop promoting this stupidity.’”

This, of course, filled many design people, including myself, with a kind of malicious glee. The tweet seemed to show that the website’s editorial (or at least social media) staff retained within themselves a scintilla of self-awareness regarding the spread a new kind of virus in its own right: cheap mockups of COVID-related design “solutions” filling the endlessly scrollable feeds of PR-beholden design websites such as Dezeen, ArchDaily, and designboom. I call this phenomenon: Coronagrifting. 

I’ll go into detail about what I mean by this, but first, I would like to presenet some (highly condensed) history. 

From Paper Architecture to PR-chitecture

Back in the headier days of architecture in the 1960s and 70s, a number of architectural avant gardes (such as Superstudio and Archizoom in Italy and Archigram in the UK) ceased producing, well, buildings, in favor of what critics came to regard as “paper architecture.” This “paper architecture” included everything from sprawling diagrams of megastructures, including cities that “walked” or “never stopped” - to playfully erotic collages involving Chicago’s Marina City. Occasionally, these theoretical and aesthetic explorations were accompanied by real-world productions of “anti-design” furniture that may or may not have involved foam fingers. 

Archigram’s Walking City (1964). Source.

Paper architecture, of course, still exists, but its original radical, critical, playful, (and, yes, even erotic) elements were shed when the last of the ultra-modernists were swallowed up by the emerging aesthetic hegemony of Postmodernism (which was much less invested in theoretical and aesthetic futurism) in the early 1980s. What remained were merely images, the production and consumption of which has only increased as the design world shifted away from print and towards the rapidly produced, easily digestible content of the internet and social media. 

Architect Bjarke Ingels’s “Oceanix” - a mockup of an ecomodernist, luxury city designed in response to rising sea levels from climate change. The city will never be built, and its critical interrogation amounts only to “city with solar panels that floats bc climate change is Serious”  - but it did get Ingels and his firm, BIG, a TED talk and circulation on all of the hottest blogs and websites. Meanwhile, Ingels has been in business talks with the right-wing climate change denialist president of Brazil, Jair Bolsonaro. (Image via designboom) 

Design websites are increasingly dominated by text and mockups from the desks of a firm’s public relations departments, facilitating a transition from the paper-architecture-imaginary to what I have begun calling “PR-chitecture.” In short, PR-chitecture is architecture and design content that has been dreamed up from scratch to look good on instagram feeds or, more simply, for clicks.  It is only within this substance-less, critically lapsed media landscape that Coronagrifting can prosper.

Coronagrifting: An Evolution

As of this writing, the two greatest offenders of Coronagrifting are Dezeen, which has devoted an entire section of its website to the virus (itself offering twelve pages of content since February alone) and designboom, whose coronavirus tag contains no fewer than 159 articles. 

Certainly, a small handful of these stories demonstrate useful solutions to COVID-related problems (such as this one from designboom about a student who created a mask prototype that would allow D/deaf and hard of hearing people to read lips) most of the prototypes and the articles about them are, for a lack of a better word, insipid. 

But where, you may ask, did it all start?

One of the easiest (and, therefore, one of the earliest) Coronagrifts involves “new innovative, health-centric designs tackling problems at the intersection of wearables and personal mobility,” which is PR-chitecture speak for “body shields and masks.” 

Wearables and Post-ables

The first example came from Chinese architect Sun Dayong, back at the end of February 2020, when the virus was still isolated in China. Dayong submitted to Dezeen a prototype of a full mask and body-shield that “would protect a wearer during a coronavirus outbreak by using UV light to sterilise itself.” The project was titled “Be a Bat Man.” No, I am not making this up. 

Screenshot of Dayong’s “Be a Batman” as seen on the Dezeen website. 

Soon after, every artist, architect, designer, and sharp-eyed PR rep at firms and companies only tangentially related to design realized that, with the small investment of a Photoshop mockup and some B-minus marketing text, they too could end up on the front page of these websites boasting a large social media following and an air of legitimacy in the field. 

By April, companies like Apple and Nike were promising the use of existing facilities for producing or supplying an arms race’s worth of slick-tech face coverings. Starchitecture’s perennial PR-churners like Foster + Partners and Bjarke Ingels were repping “3D-printed face shields”, while other, lesser firms promised wearable vaporware like “grapheme filters,” branded “skincare LED masks for encouraging self-development” and “solar powered bubble shields.” 

While the mask Coronagrift continues to this day, the Coronagrifting phenomenon had, by early March, moved to other domains of design. 

Consider the barrage of asinine PR fluff that is the “Public Service Announcement” and by Public Service Announcement, I mean “A Designer Has Done Something Cute to Capitalize on Information Meant to Save Lives.” 

Some of the earliest offenders include cutesy posters featuring flags in the shape of houses, ostensibly encouraging people to “stay home;” a designer building a pyramid out of pillows ostensibly encouraging people to “stay home”; and Banksy making “lockdown artwork” that involved covering his bathroom in images of rats ostensibly encouraging people to “stay home.” 

Lol. Screenshot from Dezeen. 

You may be asking, “What’s the harm in all this, really, if it projects a good message?” And the answer is that people are plenty well encouraged to stay home due to the rampant spread of a deadly virus at the urging of the world’s health authorities, and that these tone-deaf art world creeps are using such a crisis for shameless self promotion and the generation of clicks and income, while providing little to no material benefit to those at risk and on the frontlines.

Of course, like the mask coronagrift, the Public Service Announcement coronagrift continues to this very day. 

The final iteration of Post-able and Wearable Coronagrifting genres are what I call “Passive Aggressive Social Distancing Initiatives” or PASDIs. Many of the first PASDIs were themselves PSAs and art grifts, my favorite of which being the designboom post titled “social distancing applied to iconic album covers like the beatle’s abbey road.” As you can see, we’re dealing with extremely deep stuff here. 

However, an even earlier and, in many ways more prescient and lucrative grift involves “social distancing wearables.” This can easily be summarized by the first example of this phenomenon, published March 19th, 2020 on designboom: 

Never wasting a single moment to capitalize on collective despair, all manner of brands have seized on the social distancing wearable trend, which, again, can best be seen in the last example of the phenomenon, published May 22nd, 2020 on designboom:

We truly, truly live in Hell. 

Which brings us, of course, to living. 

“Architectural Interventions” for a “Post-COVID World”

As soon as it became clear around late March and early April that the coronavirus (and its implications) would be sticking around longer than a few months, the architectural solutions to the problem came pouring in. These, like the virus itself, started at the scale of the individual and have since grown to the scale of the city. (Whether or not they will soon encompass the entire world remains to be seen.) 

The architectural Coronagrift began with accessories (like the designboom article about 3D-printed door-openers that enable one to open a door with one’s elbow, and the Dezeen article about a different 3D-printed door-opener that enables one to open a door with one’s elbow) which, in turn, evolved into “work from home” furniture (”Stykka designs cardboard #StayTheF***Home Desk for people working from home during self-isolation”) which, in turn, evolved into pop-up vaporware architecture for first responders (”opposite office proposes to turn berlin's brandenburg airport into COVID-19 'superhospital'”), which, in turn evolved into proposals for entire buildings (”studio prototype designs prefabricated 'vital house' to combat COVID-19″); which, finally, in turn evolved into “urban solutions” aimed at changing the city itself (a great article summarizing and criticizing said urban solutions was recently written by Curbed’s Alissa Walker).

There is something truly chilling about an architecture firm, in order to profit from attention seized by a global pandemic, logging on to their computers, opening photoshop, and drafting up some lazy, ineffectual, unsanitary mockup featuring figures in hazmat suits carrying a dying patient (macabrely set in an unfinished airport construction site) as a real, tangible solution to the problem of overcrowded hospitals; submitting it to their PR desk for copy, and sending it out to blogs and websites for clicks, knowing full well that the sole purpose of doing so consists of the hope that maybe someone with lots of money looking to commission health-related interiors will remember that one time there was a glossy airport hospital rendering on designboom and hire them. 

Enough, already. 

Frankly, after an endless barrage of cyberpunk mask designs, social distancing burger king crowns, foot-triggered crosswalk beg buttons that completely ignore accessibility concerns such as those of wheelchair users, cutesy “stay home uwu” projects from well-to-do art celebrities (who are certainly not suffering too greatly from the economic ramifications of this pandemic), I, like the reader featured in the Dezeen Tweet at the beginning of this post, have simply had enough of this bullshit. 

What’s most astounding to me about all of this (but especially about #brand crap like the burger king crowns) is that it is taken completely seriously by design establishments that, despite being under the purview of PR firms, should frankly know better. I’m sure that Bjarke Ingels and Burger King aren’t nearly as affected by the pandemic as those who have lost money, jobs, stability, homes, and even their lives at the hands of COVID-19 and the criminally inept national and international response to it. On the other hand, I’m sure that architects and designers are hard up for cash at a time when nobody is building and buying anything, and, as a result, many see resulting to PR-chitecture as one of the only solutions to financial problems. 

However, I’m also extremely sure that there are interventions that can be made at the social, political, and organizational level, such as campaigning for paid sick leave, organizing against layoffs and for decent severance or an expansion of public assistance, or generally fighting the rapidly accelerating encroachment of work into all aspects of everyday life – that would bring much more good and, dare I say, progress into the world than a cardboard desk captioned with the hashtag #StaytheF***Home. 

Hence, I’ve spent most of my Saturday penning this article on my blog, McMansion Hell. I’ve chosen to run this here because I myself have lost work as a freelance writer, and the gutting of publications down to a handful of editors means that, were I to publish this story on another platform, it would have resulted in at least a few more weeks worth of inflatable, wearable, plexiglass-laden Coronagrifting, something my sanity simply can no longer withstand. 

So please, Dezeen, designboom, others – I love that you keep daily tabs on what architects and designers are up to, a resource myself and other critics and design writers find invaluable – however, I am begging, begging you to start having some discretion with regards to the proposals submitted to you as “news” or “solutions” by brands and firms, and the cynical, ulterior motives behind them. If you’re looking for a guide on how to screen such content, please scroll up to the beginning of this page. 

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