#I read your bio for her and this kind of formed into mind
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Stray bullet to the head (or heart)
Pairing: Hyun-ju x reader (written with FTM!reader but can be read as anything really)
Request: yes - no (here)
Genre: hurt comfort, fluff
Warning(s): blood, mentions of death, guns, e.t.c (squid game stuff really)
What's this?: fic
Squid game taglist (send an ask to join): @hornrrydanger
As always, reqs are open, guidelines and masterlist in bio!
©pinievsev on (almost) all platforms
This is what hell is like, isn’t it? No, it’s worse—definitely worse. You’d much rather be in hell right now. At least there, the torment would be predictable.
First, some guy approached you at the station, a stranger with a very unsettling smile, offering to play a harmless kid’s game. You were skeptical, of course, but curiosity got the better of you. A slap across the face each time you lost, a few won in hand afterwords, accompanied by a peculiar card, a single phone call; and then everything spiraled. Now, you’re here—trapped in what can only be described as a sick, twisted, underground nightmare. Playing children’s games for your life.
You can’t wrap your head around it. How could so many people vote to stay? Do they really value money over the lives of others—or even their own lives, for that matter? It’s madness.
And as if the games themselves weren’t bad enough, there’s a rebellion now. Player 456, if you remember correctly, decided to lead an uprising. In the chaos, the guards’ veneer of control slipped from their hands like water, and now it’s an all-out free-for-all. Gunshots echo in the distance, and yet you can't focus, the fear ringing in your ears is louder. You’ve been holding your breath, waiting for the inevitable. Any second now, you’ll be caught in the crossfire, a stray bullet ending it all.
“Hey…”
A voice snaps you out of your grim, spiraling thoughts. Your eyes, which had been glued to the stained floor beneath you, dart up. The source of the voice is a woman crouched by your bunk.
Hyun-ju. That’s her name, you think. She helped you during the mingle game, pulled you in a room just as the timer ended.
She’s crouched low, her dark eyes scanning your trembling form, a stolen gun resting in her hand. Like most of the others, she’d taken one during the chaos. But hadn’t she gone off with the rebels? What’s she doing back here?
“You’re shaking… Calm down.”
Her voice is softer than the situation warrants. Gentle. A hand finds your shoulder as she moves to sit beside you instead of crouching.
You let out a bitter laugh, one that shakes as much as your hands do, and rightfully so. The back of your sleeve wipes at your face, smearing more blood into your skin. It doesn’t matter anymore; you’ve stopped caring about the stains.
“How am I supposed to calm down?” you mutter, voice wavering. “We’re all going to fucking die here—”
“Don’t say that.”
Hyun-ju cuts you off, her head tilting as she looks at you with a softness that doesn’t belong in this hellhole. Her eyes are kind, achingly so, and for a fleeting moment, you think… they’re beautiful.
“We’ll be fine. We’ll get out of here, I promise.”
There’s a quiet conviction in her voice, something solid enough to cling to, though you’re hesitant. Somewhere in the back of your mind, that nagging voice insists it’s a lie—that you’re doomed. Still, her words feel like a small light in the suffocating dark.
You let out another sad, strained laugh, one that catches in your throat, and offer her a half but genuine smile. “You’d better keep that promise.”
Her hand tightens just slightly on your shoulder, her gaze steady.
“I will.”
#fanfiction#squid game fanfic#squid game x you#squid game x male reader#squid game x reader#squid game hyun ju#hyun ju#hyun ju x reader#squid game fic#squid game
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- Scout's Honor - Part 2
Original Ultramarine (Aristaeus) x GN!Reader
<<Prev = Next>>
Tags: Exposition (specifically about rut cycles), shameless fluff, cuddling
Thank y'all so much for the kind words on part one!! @daily-shenanigans784 performed necromancy on her blog so I can thank her for the beta reading and freak matching! I'm not entirely sure if there's a process for a tag list but for the time being just message/reply me if you want to be tagged for the next part :D
- - -
Scout Sergeant Telion had given you a brief explanation and a rather scuffed up dataslate before a brisk escort back to the serf quarters, leaving you bewildered and with an unexpected day off from your duties. At least that gave you some quality time with the pamphlet-like dataslate to piece together what your life was becoming.
The Adeptus Astartes were designed to be the living weapons of the Emperor, blades honed and sharpened to defend his beloved mankind with unwavering loyalty. It was common knowledge amongst baseline humans that the Astartes were sterile, not engaging in romantic or sexual pursuits, but apparently the whole truth was a bit more granular.
Bio-augmentation left Astartes in possession of their original facilities (you mused to yourself that it must be easier to relieve oneself on the battlefield that way), but with their sex drive heavily curtailed. The physical desire, the itch to be scratched with intimacy had been all but eliminated. With the exception of the rut cycle.
A surge of hormonal activity, amplified by the trans-human processes of the creation of a space marine, resulting in regular periods of extremely amplified drive accompanied by the potential for intense bonds with baseline humans. Perhaps it was purposeful, the will of the Emperor leaving in a subconscious drive to protect those that would otherwise be seen as beneath them. However, allowing that all-consuming bond to form was where problems began.
Bonds in the otherwise controlled workings of a space marine chapter had proved to be extremely disruptive in the past. On top of a single-minded loyalty to a bond that would distract from his duty, an Astartes separated from his ‘mate’ would exhibit extreme signs of distress.
The Ultramarines had preventing bonds perfected into protocol, the senior Astartes’ enhanced senses quickly detecting the beginning of their cycles and preventing baseline contact until the recruits had better control and their cycles occurred much further apart.
You had been an error. It was inconvenient, but the Ultramarines had learned to salvage these situations as well. Sergeant Telion had instructed you to remain in the serf barracks until further notice, but you would soon be moved into Brother Aristaeus’s quarters. You would accompany him to everything. Meals, training, sleeping. The part that worried you was combat.
Yet somehow, facing the battlefield wasn’t the thing haunting your mind as you sat on your bunk. It was Aristaeus and those big brown doe eyes of his, dazed and glassy and staring right up at you.
Undoubtedly the encounter had scared the wits out of you, but knowing that in hindsight he hadn’t been in his right mind made your chest ache. Both of you were at risk because of a stroke of misfortune and miscommunication, and if things played out poorly it could leave the pair you mind-scrubbed. Or worse. You had little to lose other than your life now, but Aristaeus was so close to becoming a battle-brother. It wasn’t fair to either of you.
So, despite Telion’s recommendation of staying put, you found yourself creeping down the barrack halls in the dead of night, stockinged footsteps silent against the marble floors. You were no scout, but you’d made a living out of going unnoticed, so you slipped out of your quarters and through the fortress-monastery until you stood before the Astartes’s room.
And there you stalled. Their senses were so enhanced, surely the rest of the recruits would hear you knock? Calling out seemed equally inadvisable.
Thankfully, your angel appeared. The door slid open with a soft hydraulic hiss just as you began losing your nerve, revealing a hulking shadow lingering in the doorway, the reflective glow of eyes far above your head.
“Brother Aristaeus, I hope I didn’t wake you.” You dipped your head in a bow, voice barely louder than your breath. “…I wanted to ensure you were well.”
“…You were concerned about me.” By the Throne, his voice… those bestial huffs and whines had done no justice to the soft, sonorous baritone that seemed to lilt like a hymn. Quiet and calm and speaking of sanctuary, for a moment you felt the illogical urge to melt into a puddle at his feet.
“Yes.” You tried to swallow; your mouth was suddenly very dry. “The fact you’re speaking to me bodes well.”
The massive shadow stepped forward, and for a moment you were rooted to the spot, your instinct to take flight escaping you. Then you saw his eyes, warm and honey brown and clear, looking upon you with curiosity. Maybe even a touch of awe, though you were sure you were imagining it. With the caution of someone scooping a butterfly up off the ground, he gingerly gathered you into his arms and retreated into his quarters.
“How is your neck?” You shivered at the proximity as his lips brushed against your ear, tender in a way you didn’t expect.
“Iced it hours ago. You’re deflecting.” The door slid shut, leaving you in darkness with the exception of the dim glow of incense at the bedside and its reflection in Aristaeus’s eyes. He lingered in the center of the room, silently holding you to his chest.
Did he not know how to respond? If he felt as afraid as you, was he not permitted to say so? Before you could give it a second thought your hand was feeling for his jaw, reaching up to bury your fingers in his hair. The effect was immediate as his shoulders slumped, taking a few wobbling steps towards his cot and sitting heavily and letting out a low trilling purr. Your other hand joined the first, experimentally stroking his clean shaven face until he took a deep, shaky breath and seemed to settle.
“Ah. I’m sorry…” Achingly soft, he bent to nose at the top of your head, his voice unsure between shuddering inhales. “I know not what came over me— that is, I didn’t expect to be so… overwhelmed. I think it’s better now.”
“Tell me. I don’t know how you feel, but you didn’t seem to be… all there.” Nails scraping lightly down his jaw, your eyes strained to try and make out his face in the dark. “I want to know.”
The tiniest whine squeezed out of the space marine’s throat, impossibly small and fragile for an angel of death. Aristaeus pressed his lips to your forehead, seeking closeness rather than a kiss, a sensation that made your chest warm.
“...I thought it had run its course. We had trained through the height of it, it was hard to wear armor with the heat and the itching but the drills helped to numb things.” He mumbled into your hair as if expecting someone to be eavesdropping. “Thought I’d gotten used to it…”
He’d been near the end of his cycle. Shit. Your stomach clenched with guilt, leaning against his solid mass and taking a steadying breath. “And then… me?”
“Mhm.” Aristaeus’s hand found yours, gently grasping your fingers to run his thumb over your knuckles, the gesture tentative and curious. “Catching your scent was— it felt like I didn’t know how long I had been walking through a desert, acclimated to the sun and the sands. You are the oasis that made me realize I was dying of thirst. It was as if I didn’t know what I needed until that moment, and then in your presence… I could hardly think.”
“Throne, I’m so fucking sorry.” Squeezing his hand with a vicious surge of shame, you turned your face to press it against his chest, gritting your teeth. There was little a mere baseline human could do to possibly protect an Astartes, and yet you felt as though the responsibility of holding the scout’s heart in your hands was a burden you would shoulder. “I promise, you’re going to become a battle-brother. I won’t hold you back. I already know how to shoot.”
“...Okay.” He murmured, shifting back to lay on his cot with you held to him like a beloved stuffed animal. How quickly you had become accustomed to his presence would have been alarming, but there was safety being hidden away from the world, tucked against Aristaeus’s torso.
“It’ll be fine. You’re going to do fine.” You both needed that reassurance, so you spoke partly to yourself. Although you doubted the emotional availability of a living weapon, his presence was doing more than enough for now, settling your frayed nerves. Gingerly you turned in his grip, craning upward to press a proper kiss to his cheek before settling back into his arms, to which he dutifully shifted to accommodate you.
Using his bicep like a pillow, you listened to the even waves of Aristaeus breathing you in, soaking in the warmth radiating from him like a space heater. Your robes were thin and the cot was little more than a large metal shelf bolted to the wall with a mattress pad on top… and it was the most comfortable you’d been in a long time.
Being spooned by a space marine wasn’t something you had previously imagined, and yet it was much nicer than whatever subconscious expectation had formed in the back of your mind. Perhaps power armor didn’t exactly make for the most inviting nap spot. It just felt so cozy and peaceful. Absentmindedly you ran your fingertips up and down the scout’s arm, feeling the light prickle of goosebumps as you traced veins and tendons, circling the rims of his neural ports and counting the strong thrum of his pulse.
You weren’t sure when your eyes closed, the room already dark and absorbing you in the feeling of the body resting behind you. It was only when you jolted out of your doze did you realize it had happened at all. It was very late and you were far too comfortable to keep yourself awake like this.
“Aristaeus, I should go back to the serf quarters.” Shifting forward you attempted to prop yourself up on your elbow, and that was as far as you got before the scout’s thick arm snagged you around the middle and pulled you back to him. “I’ll be back in the morning, come on.”
Squirming had already proved to be little use, but you tried anyway, huffing and pushing at the forearm over your stomach. “Hey, I mean it. Please?” All you got in response was a whine and a brief squeeze. You sighed. “If it makes you feel better, you could walk me back to my room. How’s that?”
Aristaeus finally acquiesced, slowly and reluctantly pulling his arm back and sitting up on his cot, waiting for you to gather yourself to your feet before taking your hand to lead you through the dark and back out the door.
#warhammer 40k#my writing#fanfic#x reader#gn reader#ultramarines#aristaeus#space marine x reader#ultramarine x reader
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corporal: ch 2 - expectations

SUKUNAxF!READER ☽☾ HEIAN ERA AU ☽☾ ONGOING SERIES ☽☾ AO3
☽☾𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬:CH1: PUNISHMENT ▪︎ CH2: EXPECTATIONS ▪︎ CH3: DENIAL
☽☾ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: You are such a menace that your father decides to offer your eternal servitude as a gift to the King of Curses.
Sukuna has not accepted such a tribute in years, more often opting to eat the young girls rather than put them to work, which is perfectly acceptable as far as your asshole dad is concerned.
Will the demon make an exception for you?
☽☾ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬/𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: 18+MINORS DNI, blood and gore, violence, abuse, true form sukuna, eventual smut (still not yet), references to cannibalism, angst, I suck at tags
☽☾ 𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @sodapop182 ; @moonchhu
☽☾ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: CH: 3.5k TOTAL: 7.7k
If you would like to be added to the taglist, please comment something to that effect. But please put an age in your bio so i don't have to block you. lmk if I'm doing this right, I'm an absolute virgin and open to suggestions. Thanks for reading. 🖤
Tearing through the woods outside of the shrine, you don't think about your sister, this time. You don't think of your father or his men, your mother, nothing. No memories, pleasant or unpleasant, swim up through the ink of night as the trees claw at your clothes and skin. Your mind is eclipsed with a fear as hot and red as the fire in your lungs.
You have not known fear like this for a long time, perhaps ever. All the running that you did from your father and his men was done more out of spite than fear. You had certain expectations of them. You were familiar with their cruelty and the limitations placed on it by society, or by your mother, perhaps. You father was not a kind man, by any means, but his eyes softened somewhat when they looked at her. The only power that you had was that of being able to put them through their paces. Here, you did not even have that. The comfort of expectations does not exist for the monster at your back, no more than the limitations of ordinary men.
So, you run, spurred by terror long after your rapidly depleting stamina should have forced you to stop. It feels like hours have passed when you finally come to a halt, hands on your knees, panting, muscles burning. Hyperaware of every sound, every sensation, even the trickle of sweat down the line of your back is enough to raise your hackles, but there is nothing but the ragged sound of your own breathing in the stillness.
As you try to slow your respirations, you ask yourself what it is you're so afraid of. Pain? You are overly familiar with pain. Your heart gradually slows as you come to the conclusion that Sukuna can only hurt you or kill you, just like any other man. Pain you can endure. And death? Well, if you are dead, then you won't be bothered, will you? You'll just be dead. What would wound you more is humiliation. Your mouth presses into a grim line as you ponder it.
Did the bastard confiscate your things and let you go, trusting that you would meet your own end in the forest without his help? Not the worst plan, you decide, as it occurs to you, for the first time, that you really have no place to go, no plan beyond running. Beyond escape. You've never had to plan beyond that because you've always been outnumbered, overpowered and dragged back.
Does he think you will return on your own? You scoff into the darkness at the thought. I'd sooner hang myself from one of these trees, you think to yourself as you look up at the branches, silver in the Autumn starlight. Still. Quiet. Unnaturally so, as if the earth itself is holding it's breath. Hiding.
Even before you hear it, you feel it, looming large and lethal at your back. Larger than Sukuna, even. Much larger. It shifts it's enormous weight, rustling the leaf litter. As you peer over your shoulder, your eyes widen and your heart hammers against your ribs like you never stopped running. A reptilian chittering sound blooms out of the dark: a bony whisper, a rattlesnake kind of warning. The moon outlines it's dark shape in indigo, a moving mountain that tears trees right out of the earth as it moves after you. How you didn't see or hear it before is a mystery.
Your feet slam against the shuddering ground with the slowness of nightmares as a scream claws it's way out of your throat. You don't make it very far before a root hooks your foot and sends you sprawling. A sickening snap followed by bright sparks of pain shoot up from your wrist as you catch your fall with your hand. When you look down to see splinters of bone jutting out of a ragged wound, a hysterical sob escapes your mouth. You clutch your injured limb against your chest as your heels churn at the dirt, propelling you backwards, too slow as the monster stops short in front of you.
It is too awful to look at, a twisted amalgamation of drooling faces and colorless eyes shining with idiot hunger as it prepares to stuff you into its many jagged mouths. You dig your chin into your shoulder, squeezing your eyes shut and baring your teeth as you feel it's hot, putrid breath against your skin. Thick, black saliva drips into the dirt between your feet and burns it like acid, white tendrils of smoke rising from the bubbling pool.
The chittering sound rises again, like a demonic chorus of cicadas. Distantly, you realize the effect is created by all of those throats babbling at once. You find yourself too breathless to scream as it's clumsy teeth try to find purchase in the flesh of your calf, only succeeding in lightly scratching and slobbering all over it. Perhaps in frustration, its crying slowly rises in pitch, high and keening.
Then, there is another, quieter sound, that cuts the wailing short. It is soft like a whip cutting through the air before it cracks, like the hiss of lightning parting the sky before the thunder of it crashing back together. Crashing like the quivering weight that descends upon your lower body as the monster inexplicably falls to pieces at your feet. You blink owlishly at the dismantled pile of flesh, hardly daring to believe that it is truly dead, even as its quivering breaths grow still.
Your legs throb under the lifeless weight of it. It is impossible to drag yourself out from under it with your one good arm, so you resort to wiggling on your back in the dirt, removing yourself inch by excruciating inch. You haven't yet had the time, nor the prescence of mind to worry about what lurking horror might have so effortlessly ended the dead thing that pins you to the dirt. That mystery is soon solved for you when a familiar voice comes out of the dark behind you.
"Tch. Pathetic."
You cease your struggles and crane your neck back, pressing the back of your head into the dirt to meet Sukuna's garnet gaze. He leans against a tree, as if he can't be bothered to hold himself up, looking only vaguely interested in the scene before him.
"Me, pathetic?" You spit, redoubling your efforts to writhe out from under the dead thing. "Was I not easy enough to kill? You had to sic your pet on me?" The thought had only now occurred to you, that Sukuna had unleashed this thing on you, but the notion already has your blood boiling with rage.
Sukuna snorts, "Not mine." His eyes leave you in favor of examining the corpse. "Hm. A grade two, this one," he mutters.
Your eyes follow his and you notice a jagged, black fang, about the length of your outstretched hand, lying in the dirt by your hip. Glancing back to ensure his eyes are still focused on the monster, you stretch out your good arm and wrap your fingers around it. The edges bite into your fingers, but you clutch it like a lifeline, headless of the pain.
"Well, do you intend to finish the job, or are you just going to stand there, blabbering nonsense?" You sneer, craning your neck to look up at him.
His eyes snap back to yours and he smirks, lazily peeling himself away from the tree and stepping towards you. "So eager to die, arent you?"
He lifts the bulk of dead flesh away from you with one hand as he hooks another into the pit of your injured arm and drags you to your feet.
Gritting your teeth, you swing your good arm, arcing your makeshift weapon to catch him in the back, but he snatches your wrist away with yet another arm. Now, you are leaning awkwardly against his chest as he supports most of your weight. You legs are not as useful as you might have hoped. They burn painfully and buckle at the knees as the blood rushes back to your cramping muscles.
He eyes the monster's tooth in your hand with mild interest. "You want to hurt me with that?" He asks with a mean grin. "Go ahead."
With that he lets go of you and takes a step back. You cry out in frustration as your traitorous legs buckle underneath you and you land on your knees at his feet. He throws his head back and laughs as you snarl up at him and swing your makeshift weapon at his legs, which dodge your clumsy blows effortlessly.
"For weeks you lived in peace with me and now all these theatrics, for what reason?" He muses as he steps this way and that to avoid your rageful attacks. It doesn't take long for him to grow bored of this game, and you are taken aback when he sinks to his knees in front of you. Even so, he towers over you so that you have to hyperextend your neck to see his face. His lower set of hands snatch you up around the waist while the upper pain pin your arms to your sides. You grunt at the pain in your broken wrist, but he takes no notice.
"I asked you a question," he snarls, holding you at eye level.
He huffs when you only writhe in his grip and scream in his face until your throat is raw and you are too breathless to continue.
"Fucking feral little rat," he mutters. "Is it because I touched your leg?" He asks, eyes dragging the length of your body.
You scoff. Of course it wasn't just that it's...
"Are you throwing a tantrum because I didn't ask permission? Hm? And what was the plan? Where will you go?" He cuts off your thoughts by echoing your own thinking from earlier. It has you subconsciously biting into your cheek hard enough to draw blood. Infuriating.
He smirks. "Just a spoiled little princess playing at running away. Well. Time to grow up, little girl, and realize that you will always belong to a man. Before, you belonged to your bitch of a father, and now, you belong to me."
No longer able to hold in your rage you shreik and slam your head forward in an attempt to split his smirking lips. Of course, he leans away and you only succeed in tossing your hair, drawing another cackle from his mouth.
"You want to hurt me? Try, brat," he bellows to be heard over your shreiking as he presses his forehead against yours hard enough to bruise. The moment he releases your good arm you sink the oversized canine into his temple and drag it down, flaying his cheek. A second swing and his larger, upper eye is reduced to a wobbling jelly running into the bleeding wound. Slick with gore, the tooth drops from your hand and Sukuna slams you down on your back with enough force to steal the air out of your lungs.
Then he is folded over you, hand on your jaw tilting your gaze to his wounded face. "Look at me," he instructs and your stomach lurches as the flesh bubbles and warps. Then it is takes its old, unmarred shape, as new and smooth as ever. You stare at it, blinking as if that brief interruption of sight might return it to ruin, as it was seconds ago. As if to dispel your disbelief another of his hands grasp your broken wrist, lifting your hand so that your fingertips brush his new skin. At the same instant, your injured joint transforms the same way his wounds had until it is new and free of pain.
Speechless you stare at your hand on his cheek until you realize that he is no longer holding it there. He leans in until his lips are nearly brushing your ear. "I can touch you however I like, whenever I like," he says, slipping a hand from your waist to trace the angle of your hip bone and the curve of your outer thigh through your ruined kimono. "I can break you and mend you, break you and mend you and never, ever let you die." His hand slips from your jaw to your throat where he squeezes briefly before, suddenly, he hauls himself off of you.
"So, brat," he says, standing over you haloed in the pink light of dawn, "if you are ever so lucky as to have me touch you again, try not to overreact."
All you seem to be able to do is slide your eyes stupidly from your healed wrist to his unblemished face until all the breath decides to leave your lungs at once. The sky, blushing with dawn and tattooed with skeletal branches, fades to black.
...
Emika, grinning, face tilted toward the dappled sunlight, laughter bubbling out of her throat. It is a musical sound until it changes, distorts into a horrible chittering, vacous and reptilian. Her mouth opens, impossibly wide, a poisonous womb that delivers a wailing many-faced blackness that swallows the world. Closer, the newborn horror leans in until all you can see is a single wet, red maw screaming its hunger and eager to feed on you. It is made of hunger and fear. Its tongue lolls out and begins to twist and warp. It pales and changes shape, grows four garnet eyes, a tattooed jaw, a laughing mouth. Sukuna's face leaning close to yours. "Look at me," he says, surrounding you, a universe that leaves you no choice. He is still laughing when he tilts away, falling out of orbit as gravity pulls your back into the dirt. He is replaced by a robin's egg sky seen in patches through the green leaves of spring.
Emika's face glides into view, a smiling autumn moon in the Spring sky.
Her bamboo sword taps your neck.
"Dead," she says.
Dead like the warrior she once daydreamed of being, with a katana on her back and a pretty servant girl at her side.
"Dead." She smiles, haloed in sunlight.
Your eyes blink open. Even as the nightmare fades you realize it holds too many parallels to waking life for comfort. Finding yourself suspended above the ground in an unfamiliar position, your body jerks, your legs inadvertently tightening around Sukuna's waist. He is carrying you like a child on his hip, his lower arm hooked under your backside while his upper one supports your back. Your chin rests over his shoulder, your cheek pressed into his neck. Finding this abhorrent, you squirm weakly.
"I can walk now," you mutter, but you are so tired. Your eyelids, leaden.
"Walking has caused you enough trouble, wouldn't you say?" He chuckles, a sound that is becoming increasingly annoying.
In any case, the dead weight of your body against his is enough to refute your claim.
Your eyes flutter closed, head lolling against his neck. He smells of smoke, blood and earth and he is warm against you. The effect is like a sleeping tincture.
"I want to know," you mutter against his skin as you struggle against your rapidly retreating consciousness. "I want to know what is expected of me."
You are too exhausted to think of your statement as an acquiesence, but that is what it is. Sukuna is taking you back to the shrine and you are accepting it. Perhaps that is why he laughs. Your eyes pop open at the hateful sound and you hope that he does not discern the increasing tempo of your heart with the way that your chest is pressed into him. Wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction.
"Expectations," he says. "You can't live without them, hm? How, then, would you rebel?"
You clench your teeth. He is unbearable. You hate him. God, you hate him. But you are just so tired right now.
"I have no expectations of you, rat." He continues after a pause, although he thinks to himself that you are really more of a mouse, at the moment, as you go limp again with sleep.
...
When you wake again, from a long sleep that is blessedly dreamless, there is nothing to greet you but silence and the shrinking light of early evening. You lie for a moment on the futon, staring at the dark grid of ceiling in your chambers.
Under the thinning haze of sleep that still clouds your mind, a flickering flame of rage persists. When you look down at yourself, filthy with mud, blood, and mystery secretions from whatever that thing in the forest was, it grows brighter. Cast off and forgotten like a broken doll. You flex your healed wrist. Why does it make you even angrier?
I have no expectations
You tear off your kimono and toss it aside, fuming.
Rat.
You tear the linens, ruined by your dirtiness, off of your futon and thrust them away to join your clothing on the floor.
"Maybe I will go around naked, then," you fume, stomping towards the door, but you stop there, losing your nerve. "Bet you wouldn't expect that. Bet you would find that you have some expectations after all."
spoiled little princess
"Maybe I will go around like this is my home and you are an unwanted guest," you hiss into the silence.
time to grow up and realize you will always belong to a man
You retrieve your dirty kimono and shrug into it, gathering the fabric loosely around your chest with one hand while you rip something clean out of the wardrobe with the other. The shoji door slams against the doorframe as you storm out of the room not bothering to close it.
now you belong to me
Uraume and Baba look up from their work, picking vegetables for dinner in the courtyard as you tear across it without sparing them a glance. You make quite a sight, blood-streaked and furious.
"He'll be getting his kicks with that one for quite some time, I'll say... yes," Baba croaks as her milky eyes track your movements.
"Baba!" Uraume scolds.
"It's the truth," Baba crows. "It is!"
...
The steaming water of the hot spring soothes the aching muscles of your legs. This makes encroaching on his territory doubly satisfying, even if he, being a morning bather, in your limited experience - doesn't find out. You close your eyes and hold your breath, sinking to the bottom on your knees. Your fingers rake through the matted mess of your hair, breaking loose the dirt and dried blood. You stay under until your lungs burn and then burst to the surface with a sharp inhalation.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing?"
You startle at the sound of Sukuna's voice booming over the soft gurgling of the water. He is standing at the opposite end of the spring, kimono pooled around his feet, hands frozen at his waist in the middle of loosening his hakama.
"Whatever I want, since you have no expectations," you retort, having recovered quickly from your surprise.
He snorts. "Alright."
You glare at each other through the rising steam.
You are the first to avert your eyes when Sukuna resumes undressing, unceremoniously dropping his hakama.
Your back is turned and you make a point of staying submerged to the shoulders as you make your way to the edge of the pool. You movements increase in urgency, heart thumping faster as you hear him splash into the water behind you. Unwilling to let him see your bare skin, you pull your clean kimono into the water and put it on while still submerged.
When you drag yourself over the lip of the pool in your dripping robes, he is laughing. Your skin erupts in goose flesh that cannot be entirely attributed to your soaked clothes and the chill in the air. Although it pisses you off to no end, you try to at least appear unperturbed. Chin held high, you make it a point not to look at him as you march back toward the shrine, as if he is beneath your notice. You hope he feels it.
"Come here, rat."
You pause, your back still turned to him.
"I said, come here." He repeats.
Vacillating between the desire to defy him and the desire to seem unafraid, you settle on the latter and make your way back to the water's edge. There is a deliberate slowness in your movements, to show that you are in no hurry to obey him.
Sitting on the lip of the pool, you let your calves dangle over the edge, lazily treading water.
"What do you want?" you hiss, meeting his crimson gaze.
#sukuna x reader#jjk fanfic#jjk smut#jjk x reader#fanfiction#true form sukuna#jjk sukuna#jujutsu kaisen#sukuna x female reader#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna x y/n#sukuna x you#no use of y/n
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Episode two.

MASTERLIST
pairing: XO, Kitty's Min Ho x Female Reader
genre: Fluff, angst, enemies-to-lovers, slow burn, coming-of-age.
word count: 2.4k
warnings: Painfully obvious hate-flirting, some swearing.
summary: Transferring to KISS was the last thing you had asked for and, yet, a certain tall boy made it seem both worse and better than you expected.
note: Bold - Korean, Italic - Over the phone
a/n: I changed the first part because it didn't match with the show so I recommend you go reread it if you read it in the first ten hours I posted it.
note: Bold - Korean, Italic - Over the phone
(let me know by filling the form in my bio if you want to be added to the taglist!)
"What plan?"
You deadpanned at her. "From what I've seen last, you had something with Juliana, no?"
Her body stiffened and her hold on Dae, that was already tight enough, only got firmer. You and Yuri had some sort of forced friendship but it didn't mean you hated each other's guts. It was quite the opposite. She respected you, you respected her – it was a two-way thing. Still, she wouldn't be the kind to involve you in her problems but you weren't stupid. You knew of her and Juliana and this was beyond odd that she was so suddenly in a relationship with Dae.
"It's complicated." she said with a gulp. Seeing that you weren't convinced, she sighed. "I'll explain later, I promise."
She and Dae left and you found yourself alone so you joined Q again and were displeased to see that his friend had not left his side.
"And you're back." he sighed only to earn a glare from Q.
"Min Ho, stop that." You thanked mentally Q for informing you of his name. "Don't mind him, he's in a mood today." he tried to defend him but it clearly didn't work considering you rolled your eyes in a dramatic way.
"Do you want me to help you find your owner, little puppy? I think you're lost." he joked.
"Shove it in your ass, will you?"
Q held his hands up to separate the two of you while you were in a glaring battle. Thankfully, Kitty came back which only seemed to affect Min Ho's mood even more.
"Excuse me." she interrupted you.
"This girl treats Korean guys like Pokémon. She's trying to catch them all." Min Ho complained and you rolled your eyes again. "Not interested." he said to Kitty in a stern voice.
"Get over yourself, I'm looking for Dae." she replied harshly.
Q looked more confused than ever. "Okay, who are you?"
"I'm Kitty Song Covey."
The two men opened their mouths agape as if they suddenly had a revelation.
"You're Kitty?"
Her eyes grew bigger too and she pointed at Q. "Wait, are you Q? Track star, fellow American, heart of gold?"
He nodded happily. "Guilty as charged. I feel like we should hug right now, should we hug?
You weren't understanding a thing about what was going on but you listened nonetheless, curious on how they knew each other.
"Maybe later, I need to find Dae."
You laughed. "Okay, so you two are Dae's friends which is why she knows you and you know her?"
"You are unfortunately right, I think." Min Ho affirmed boringly and then looked at Kitty. "So you're the pen pal?"
She huffed. "If he's Q, then you must be Min Ho... Of course you are."
He shrugged as a smirk appeared on his face. You scoffed too which caught his attention.
"I told you I'm getting stalked."
"Oh, please. You just wish you were."
He came closer to you to hover over your small figure. "You're one feisty puppy, aren't you?"
Your heart skipped a beat and you looked up at him in silence, unsure of what you were supposed to say.
"Whatever. Where's Dae?" Kitty said, impatient.
You looked around with her and spotted him with Yuri as they were discussing with Jina. She thanked you and rushed to go to them.
"It's almost sad to see her go after him like that."
You grunted in frustration. "Do you ever shut up?"
Min Ho's smug face appeared once again. "Make me."
"Okay!" Q coughed awkwardly. "That's enough. How about we go meet some people, yeah?"
You heard a yelp from behind and turned around right away as soon as you recognized Kitty's voice.
"Oh, shit." you whispered to yourself and ran to her.
Before you could get to her, she slipped again and fell in the cupcakes. Dae was quick to come to her help but she brushed him off. She did, however, gladly accepted that you helped her get up before leading her outside.
Ending the night comforting someone you barely knew as you waited for the airline to answer her call was not what you had expected. School hadn't even started and, yet, there was already more drama than you could handle.
"Are you sure you want to leave? You said you weren't here just for a boy."
She shook her head. "I can't stay here and see him walk around with her. It's too painful."
"Yuri's my friend, I can talk to her."
"Don't. You're nice but I don't want to cause trouble to the two of you."
The front door of the dorm suddenly opened and went shut seconds later. You were about to get up to see what it was until you heard a voice you'd rather not recognize.
"Spill it!" Min Ho exclaimed. "When did you get with Yuri? And when? And how far?"
"And most importantly, why?" Q added.
"Dae, you little scammer!" Min Ho teased.
You cursed at yourself mentally. You should have guessed you were in the boy dorms as soon as you saw the gym bag in the other room. And to top it all, it had to be where Q, Dae, and Minho were staying.
Kitty joined you at the door to listen but you were already in the process of packing your things up. There was no way you were going to be living with men for an entire semester, even less if it involved Min Ho who had managed to make it to your hate list on your first encounter.
"No one's going to blame you for upgrading from a pen pal to an actual girlfriend." he continued to argue with Dae.
Kitty let out a scoff and her hand went up to her mouth when she realized they must have heard.
"Marius?"
"Good going, Kitty." you whispered to her and you both went to hide under your covers.
You heard them walk in and struggle for a bit to take the blanket off Kitty. They hadn't approached your bed yet. They screamed as they finally managed to get the covers off, revealing Kitty who was screaming as loud as they were. As they all ran outside of the room, you uncovered yourself and then followed behind. They were already in shock from Kitty's presence, yours wouldn't be a surprise at that point.
"Dae's crazy ex-pen pal broke into our dorm to murder us." Min Ho breathed out.
You walked into the living room, arms crossed. "For once, you don't blame it on stalking." you said and they jumped as they saw you, Min Ho holding a laptop up in defense.
Kitty got her file and shoved it to their faces. "This is my room."
"What about you?" Q asked you as he took Kitty's document.
"Same." you shrugged and watched Min Ho put the laptop away.
"You're listed as Song Covey." he said after reading the form.
"So?" Kitty frowned.
"Song can be a guy's name. That's why they assigned you to the guy's dorm." Dae sighed.
"That explains for her but Y/N?" Min Ho asked, eyeing you up and down in disgust.
"It might be because the girl's dorms are full or something, I don't know." you responded, unsure yourself on why you were there.
He took the document himself and read it only to sighed in exasperation. "They did this on purpose! To be closer to Dae, and me."
"And just when I thought you aren't so full of yourself..." you said in a whisper.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
He shook his head. "I told you lot, she was hitting me on the plane ride here." He turned to you. "And she hit on me earlier."
"Alright, I'm done here."
You went back to your room and shut the door close. This day was overwhelming enough, all you needed was to sleep. You were going to fix the dorm issue tomorrow.
You woke up to Kitty opening your room's door carefully while she hung up on someone. You got up and tapped on her shoulder, making her almost scream in fear.
"Don't do that again, please." she said after catching her breath.
"You're leaving this morning?"
"Yeah..."
You nodded your head slowly. "I'm glad we met. Have a safe flight."
To your surprise, she hugged you tightly before walking around Dae, who had visibly slept at the door for the night, and went out of the dorm.
You went back to bed and scrolled through your social medias to see what was new. You came upon a video of Yuri's father who was scolding his employees. The next one was the same video but ended with lettuce emojis. You let out a laugh and opened your Kakaotalk.
Y/N: Your dad is going viral.
Yuri: I saw ㅋㅋ
Y/N: Good luck to them for fixing it all.
Yuri: Yeah, it won't be easy.
Yuri: I want to talk, by the way. About last night.
Y/N: You don't have to explain yourself. I'm happy you found someone, whoever it is.
Yuri: Thank you, that means a lot.
You were typing a reply but stopped when you heard someone knocking at your door.
"Kitty." Dae said in a pleading voice. "Me and Yuri, it's not real. It's all fake."
You gasped quietly. Although shocking, it wasn't that surprising considering it involved Yuri.
"Will you just open the door? I can explain everything, Kitty."
You grunted and shoved your pillow over your head. This whole thing had nothing to do with you and, yet, here you were.
"Begging is not a good look."
And he was awake now? Starting your day with your roommate running away, her boyfriend begging to talk with her, Min Ho mocking him... just great.
"I wasn't begging, I was just trying to get my pants." Dae said in defense.
Right, you forgot. This was originally his room.
"Listen, you squatter." Min Ho said, taking over Dae's spot as his voice seemed to be louder than it was seconds ago. "We have to get ready for the first day of school."
You didn't answer, wanting to stay in bed for a bit longer. Plus, if this meant that you were pissing Min Ho off by not opening the door, this was another reason not to do so.
"Don't make us late!" he said impatiently before pounding loudly on the door.
You saw it open by itself and self-noted to remind them that they might want to fix that. Because your bed wasn't directly in their view, they didn't notice you yet.
"And she's gone." Q sighed.
"Sweet."
"Dae, don't worry about it, we'll-"
He stopped talking when he saw that Dae left too. You groaned as you got off the bed which made them turn to face you.
"You're still here?" Min Ho asked dramatically.
"No, I left last night and what you're seeing right now is your imagination."
Q held back a laugh but Min Ho was not having it. "Whatever. I'm making coffee if you want some." he informed and went to the kitchen.
You and Q followed and you leaned on the counter. "Yes, please. I didn't know you were enough of a gentleman to offer me coffee."
He huffed. "This is called basic manners and because I'm not a monster, I could make you a cup."
"So thoughtful, Min Ho."
Q sighed. "This is painful to watch. I'm going to the bathroom real quick."
With that, he went back to his room which meant there was only you and Min Ho in the kitchen. The silence was almost unbearable but the sound of the coffee machine filled it a bit. But not enough to ease the tension.
"I hope you know I still don't want you here."
"Trust me, I don't want to be here either." you agreed.
"Good."
"Good."
And there it was again, the silence. Q joined you two and the coffee was finally ready. After serving you a cup, Min Ho sat down next to his friend and served him his.
"Have you two seen the news?" you asked and Q shook his head. "You might want to see it."
Min Ho took his laptop that he had previously used to threaten you and opened it for the three of you to watch the infamous lettuce video. You heard the front door open but you were too immersed in watching that you didn't budge.
"Dae, have you seen this video? It's kind of blowing up." Q yelled at to who you supposed was Dae.
"I bet Yuri is loving this drama." Min Ho added.
You hummed in agreement. "She is, for sure."
"I don't particularly care." you heard a voice that was too feminine to be Dae.
Turning around, you smiled. "Kitty!"
Min Ho whined in annoyance. "I thought you left."
"I did!" she nodded. "But then I decided to stay. And not that it's any of your business but this isn't all about a boy."
"Oh, sweetie." Q said as a way to comfort her.
You couldn't blame him, it did look as if she was trying to convince herself it wasn't.
"My mom went here, and, I don't know, being here makes me feel closer to her than I ever have. And-"
Her mood changed in a second and she squinted to look closer at the screen that was still playing the news.
"Dae's on TV?" she exclaimed loudly, confused.
You scooted away to leave her some space, not realizing you were almost fully leaning on Min Ho. He was about to push you away but you faces came close which cut his breath short. You saw his Adam's apple bop as he gulped in nervousness.
"... And, 'lettuce' move on." you heard Dae say which broke you out of your trance.
"Well played." Q chuckled.
"Oh my god." Kitty said out loud and pushed you away to see the screen even closer.
You fell onto Min Ho again and he rolled his eyes while helping you get off him. "Stop trying with me, little puppy."
You wanted to argue back but Kitty spoke before you could say anything. "He's faking it. That's a fake relationship!"
She took a step back and her eyes brightened as if she had discovered the biggest secret on Earth. Meanwhile, you debated whether to confirm her assumption or not. Because Dae literally said it when you woke up, that him and Yuri was a fake show.
Now, it was on you to decide what to do with this information.
taglist: @nanaspalette | @schniti-is-in-the-house | @bakugou-katsukis-wife | @soobin-chois
Copyright © 2023 skzhua. All rights reserved.
#xo kitty#xo kitty x reader#xo kitty fanfic#xo kitty minho#xo kitty minho x reader#min ho x reader#sang heon lee#sang heon lee x reader
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WANNA SEE YOU SHINE! ♥︎ suzaki ryo
synopsis : purge au , ryo isn't quite how you remember him to be. but, he's always kind to you. this was highly inspired by @seijorhi 's tokyo revengers piece!
content warning : a purge au so this is a darker one , murder , gore , gross comments , unwanted gestures / comments , reader is in horrible company , Peach is a made-up character , inevitable death [not related to the reader] , kinda yandere-ish ,
song inspo ; stargirl interlude by the weeknd ft lana del rey


if you have a blank blog [no bio, no user, no header or profile pic, nothing reblogged, etc] do not interact with my content. you will be blocked. Keep reading
Sweat drips down your forehead as you reshelve the food you’d been asked to. Taking a deep breath, you peek at the clock — only three more hours until closing. You closed early today, of course.
When the clock struck seven today, the world would no longer be safe.
The door opens with a ding, causing you to stop what you were doing and welcome the customer in. It was a group, all casually chatting while looking for snacks. You stand straight and prepare to greet them — your voice catches in your throat. Something about the last person seems so familiar ; so welcoming to you.
A girl with orange hair spots you and turns your way. “You work here, right?” You nod, peeling your eyes away from the red coat and shoulder length hair. She grins, “great! Can you guide me to the chocolate aisle?”
At her words, the rest of the group turns to face you. You lead the way, showing her your preferred sweets and answering questions with a practiced smile. The group disperses, leaving to do their own thing. That comforting, familiar face is standing in front of you now, waiting for your attention to be solely on him.
“Suzaki,” you say. “Suzaki Ryo. You’re back.”
His dull, unchanging face contorts into a soft smile at your words. Eyes travel down your tired, overworked form — you adjust and clear your throat in embarrassment. His smile falls, “are you alright, [name]?”
Words leave your mind at the sound of his voice. It’d been so long — so many years had passed since you last heard his voice. He calls your name once more, eyes drooping into a worried gaze. You shift on your feet, “um, I’m okay. Everyone’s preparing for tonight, you know?”
“Tonight?” Ryo tilts his head before nodding slowly. “The Purge they call it, right?” You nod, fingers intertwining and locking your mind onto something else. He smiles at your habit, remembering the times before when you’d act that way, too. “You’ll be safe tonight, won’t you?”
“I’ll be with Peach,” you admit. Your nose crinkles in distaste before you smooth your face out, plastering on your customer service smile instead. “I think we’re staying with Amagi this year. You still talk, right? You’ll be there?”
Ryo’s eyes narrow at the names. Peach — your old friend who would always take advantage of you. Amagi — his old friend who used him tirelessly. They were quite the match ; Suzaki’s beyond surprised it took them this long to get together. “Sure,” he hides his thoughts with a smile, “I’ll be there.”
Your conversation is interrupted by his group as they push their way between you. One guy with blue highlights shoves you to the side thoughtlessly — you don’t see the glare Ryo sends his way. Clearing your throat again, you lead them to the register to check them out.
Ryo lingers outside as his friends leave, his eyes watching as you get back to work quickly. Calloused, blistered hands scrub at the counter endlessly before you’re quickly sweeping the floor. You go to clean the window when you meet his gaze — Ryo only waves before turning to leave.
Poor thing, he thinks to himself. You’re working yourself to the bone just to survive. Not anymore, he reassures himself. You won’t have to tire yourself out anymore. I’ll take care of you.
——♥︎——
Shoveling pieces of clothing into your overnight bag, you think back to earlier, when Ryo walked into the convenience store. Seeing him again was strange ; exciting and overwhelming at the same time. Last you heard, Ryo and his dad moved overseas for better opportunities.
That wasn’t true. His father worked himself to death, so Ryo ran. It was no coincidence he popped back up on Purge day.
You knew Amagi and Peach would have all anyone would need in their mansion. However, the thought of using their things and therefore owing them— it made you nauseous.
Taking a deep breath, you mentally prepare yourself. You’d be surrounded by rich, entitled assholes for twelve ongoing hours while trusting their security system would keep you safe. At one point, they would irritate you so bad that you’d want to take your chance with the streets.
Suzaki will be there, you remind yourself. If Suzaki is there, I won’t be alone.
——♥︎——
The Amagi mansion greets you, hiding in the woods just out of reach of the street. Cars are empty from the road, hidden in garages and who knows where else for the upcoming night. It’s almost seven, so you need to rush ; need to hurry inside before the door is locked for good. Peach’s laughter echoes onto the street — you grimace and force yourself to step inside.
“COMMENCING THE SIREN, ANY AND ALL CRIME, INCLUDING MURDER, WILL BE LEGAL FOR TWELVE CONTINUOUS HOURS.”
Sirens hit the empty street, the world pausing as people prepare for the worst. You swallow, ignoring the champagne that was offered to you. Even with laws intact, you’d refuse any drink coming from this group.
“How dull,” a voice interrupts the silence. Amagi leans forward on his lavish sofa, watching the wall of monitors he had installed. “No one’s screaming yet. Did they not hear the announcement?”
Another reason you didn’t want to stay here — the Purge was used for their own amusement. While the group you were in would never dare to participate — they wouldn’t survive — watching others slaughter each other was their monthly entertainment.
Peach sighs, “the hour just started, honey. It might take a while.” She rubs his shoulder, leaning her lips close to her ear to whisper to him. You can see her tongue peak out and lap against his ear — you hold back the urge to gag and look away in disgust.
Ryo is absent from the house — he’s not coming, you discover. He hadn’t shown up at all ; no one mentioned him coming by. It makes you uncomfortable ; makes your throat itch at the thought of them possibly leaving him on the streets to die.
You glance at Amagi’s sleazy grin as Peach rubs the inside of his thigh. “I saw Suzaki today. Did you know he was back?”
“That loser really came back?” Amagi all but shoves Peach away, murky eyes staring into yours. A snarl curls his lips as they tremble — with laughter or anger, you don’t know. “Pathetic. Thought he’d die off by now.”
You always wondered what happened between them. Up until high school, Ryo would follow Amagi endlessly. And then, one day, he was gone. Amagi would only spit out how much he hated the boy ; how he wished a miserable and lifeless future for his former friend. He never told Peach — even with the endless nights between them both.
Back then, Ryo came to say goodbye to you. He looked exhausted, bags puffed under his eyes and his nails chewed down to the cuticle. A gash was wrapped around his wrist — you cleaned it as his puppy eyes stared at you.
“You’re leaving.”
“I need to,” Ryo says. His voice is soft ; throaty as if he’d been screaming for hours. He closes his hand into a fist, flexing and moving his fingers to see how injured his wrist was. His gaze meets yours, “I’ll be back.”
One of Peach’s friends offers you a drink, bringing you back to reality again. You take it, just so they would stop shoving it your way. You wouldn’t take even a tiny sip, instead pouring small amounts into someone else’s glass.
Amagi’s gaze is still on you — you can feel his eyes burning into your skin as Peach tries to distract him. You watch a monitor mindlessly, sweeping across the silent and desolate street. Sighing, you tuck your chin into the palm of your hand.
You’d love to do anything else ; to be anywhere else.
“You look tense, [name].” Amagi speaks up. His tone is intense, cruel intentions crawling from darkened eyes. He grins, ignoring the kisses that Peach settles on his neck. “Want someone to help you relax? You can have more than one, if you want.”
At his words, his friends cheer joyfully. One starts thrusting into the air, hooting with laughter. Another winks your way as she lowers her shirt to further show her cleavage. Your arm is tugged harshly to the right, your back hitting the couch as the back of your shirt is grabbed. Peach watches on boredly — your friend wouldn’t dare speak up against her fiance.
It wouldn’t matter if you said no. Especially not tonight, but not any other night, either.
Movement on a top monitor catches your attention. A figure is stumbling, almost to a crawl as they enter the street. You squint, moving from the unwanted touches and closer to the screen. Your mouth falls into a gasp, “Ryo?”
The red jacket on his shoulders is bright in the streetlights, beckoning any attacker to come closer. He leaves a trail of darkened splotches behind on the concrete, a puddle forming where he collapses. Amagi sits up at the name, inching closer to the screen. Pressing a button or two, he maximizes the video Ryo stars in. A malicious, evil grin spreads onto his face.
“Finally,” Amagi laughs, “he’ll die like the dog he is. In the streets, covered in his own shit.”
You gulp at his words. Amagi wasn’t going to offer refuge ; he wasn’t going to allow Ryo into his home and keep him safe. Your gaze bounces to Peach — she’s dropped to her knees in front of him, begging for his attention. He just watches the screen giddily.
The people around you wouldn’t help, either. They wouldn’t dare to go against Amagi’s orders — not for a flea like Suzaki Ryo. Not for his childhood friend that left. Someone is still vying for your affections, the type Amagi offered for you, as they rub themselves on you.
You take in a deep breath, focusing on the screen where Ryo lays on the street. The room goes silent, your ears ringing as you watch him writhe in pain. Everything vanishes — you could do something. You could save him. He promised to come back, and he did.
Sound comes back in a rush, laughter and moans heating up the room around you.
Quickly, you stand and leave the couch — you leave the room and hear no complaints for your actions. Your shoes are taken off and placed to the side — your footsteps would be silent, and no one would be able to find you now. Hastened steps patter their way to the front door ; up from the safe room in the basement, past Amagi’s self portrait, to the right of the kitchen. Shaky hands unlock the front door as fast as they can.
Cold air whips into your face. You breathe in the freshness of it ; you bask in the sound of crickets and the absence of sound. You look around warily — there’s no one around except a whimpering, wounded Suzaki Ryo.
“Come on,” you call to him quietly. You sling his arm around your shoulder and assist him to hobble into the house. Right on the threshold, you can see Amagi snarling as he rushes the door to close and lock. To no avail — you pull Ryo in with you just in time. You set him against a wall, right under the window. “Made it.”
“What the fuck,” Peach hisses. She stands in front of her friends — the richer ones, the ones she deemed valuable — shielding them from the man you brought in. “Do you realize what you just did? Why did you bring in a flea?”
“It’s Suzaki,” you breathe, “we know him.”
Amagi stands over his former friend, staring down at him emotionlessly. His face is devoid of anything — even the usual hatred he doesn’t hide. He tilts his head, “what a pity. Would’ve been nice to watch someone slit his throat.”
They all leave without another word, sending glares your way. The basement’s safe room is locked ; they make it known that you’ve been locked out and uninvited.
Suzaki wheezes out from the floor, “sorry. Didn’t mean to mess things up for you.”
“Don’t even worry about it.” You crouch to help him stand, guiding to one of the bathrooms in the house. Settling him on the closed toilet lid carefully, you take in a breath. “Let’s get you cleaned up and brand new, hm?”
Delicately, you take Ryo’s shirt off ; pull his tanktop up and over his head, careful to not disturb the gash across his torso. He stares at you, eyes sparkling and wide as you grab peroxide and antibacterial gel.
“It’s not too deep,” you speak up. You can hear the group below, their insults and joy vibrating against the walls. “No stitches needed. Good thing — I can’t sew.”
A smile lifts up the right side of Ryo’s mouth. You clean his wound gently, a soaked cotton ball swiping any germ or blobs of blood away. As you apply the gel, your tongue pokes out slightly. Ryo watches you fondly, “this reminds me of when we were in school.”
You smirk, “what, when I’d save your ass a trip to the hospital?”
He laughs — you try not to watch his chest as he does. Grabbing gauze, you wrap it around his torso a few times ; not too tight, but not too loose. Ryo’s eyes stay on you as you move. “You would always take care of me. Even when your friends were worse than mine.”
“We’d look out for each other.” You correct him. You shuffle his tank top back down his body, sitting in silence as you avoid his gaze. “That’s what people like us do.”
Ryo slumps in his seat, his voice growing quiet. “People like us?”
You smile, but it isn’t warm or happy. It’s accepting — sad and empty. “People who have to work to survive.”
A rattle shakes the house — you and Ryo simply stare at each other before you make a move. Peach is coming up the stairs as you exit the bathroom, your face mirroring the confusion on hers. Another rattle — the front door is shaking.
“Yoo-hoo!” A voice sings teasingly. Ryo makes his way to you, his jacket slung precariously over his shoulders as he holds his torso with his right arm. Amagi is spitting orders in the basement — he sounds terrified. “We know you’re in there. Come out and play.”
Silence. And then, a bang against the front door as a new voice calls out. “Come outside, rich bitch!”
Tensely, you reach behind you and grab Suzaki’s hand. Stomping is heard on the stairs as Amagi guides his friends to the front door. His eyes are on fire as you pass by him, red-tinted and furious. He glares at the man behind you, “this better not have anything to do with you.”
You let out a breath as you push Ryo to the safe room, eyes dancing from screen to screen. A face pops out of nowhere — one covered in a Ghostface mask. You jump, bumping into Ryo as you do. You look at him from over your shoulder, “they didn’t attack you, did they?”
“No,” he shakes his head. “I wasn’t attacked by anyone. I was… trying to get between an unfair fight.”
You smile despite the situation. “Playing the hero as always.”
“People need to be protected,” he replies simply. Ryo walks over to the wall of monitors, clicking and scrolling expertly. Though, growing up with Amagi probably taught him everything he needed to know. More people are found around the Amagi mansion, waiting for a door to unlock. Ryo’s voice carries into the air, “people like you.”
You blink, “like me?”
Ryo’s mouth tilts as he looks down at the monitors’ control center. He lets out a laugh through his nose before his eyes meet yours. “People who are soft ; kind.” Ryo looks down again, “you’re the one I want to protect the most. You were always my favorite, you know.”
A bang hits the house once more, Peach’s scream echoing with it. You can hear one of her friends insist they just go outside and start shooting — they should just get rid of the strangers while they can. A flurry of footsteps rebounds against the stairs, hurriedly burrowing your way. Ryo takes you into his arms quickly, moving you both out of the way.
“I’ll show them,” he mutters. It’s one of Amagi’s friends — one who tried to get you alone. His eyes are frantic, spit piling at the corner of his mouth as he speaks to himself. “I’ll go out there and tear them all down. Amagi will notice me, then.”
The house’s defenses are down before you can stop him.
Amagi flies down the stairs, trying frantically to get the security systems back up. He clicks every button he sees. The house goes silent as the walls whir, the defenses going back into place. It has to be enough, you bite your lip, hand intertwined with Ryo’s as you tighten your hold. Please, let us be safe.
A window upstairs shatters, high-pitched screaming mirroring the sound.
The sound of scraping is the first thing you pick up. The safe room’s door is closed and locked tight, ensuring your safety. You don’t feel safe, though. Everyone watches in silence as the door’s handle twists left then right. You gulp, hiding the shaking of your hand by holding tighter onto Suzaki’s.
A bang hits the door, causing everyone to jump in unison. A harrowing, mean cackle breaths against the door. “I know you’re in there,” they call, “let us in so we can play.”
“Fuck off!” Amagi’s friend calls out arrogantly. Amagi rushes to the man, holding his hand against his mouth tightly. There are tears in the bully’s eyes — he has no chance if the safe room is breached. His friend fights him until he’s free to speak, “we’ll kill you be—!”
A body falls to the floor. A girl with lilac hair trembles, champagne falling down her arm as the bottle she holds is in half. The man on the floor bleeds from his head — you don’t think he’ll make it. She drops the half-empty bottle, scurrying to wipe the alcohol off of her person.
The masked person outside cackles again, “attacking each other now? Let us join in, won’t you?”
Ryo’s thumb rubs against your knuckles and it’s all you can think of. He does well ; distracting you from the dire danger in front of you. But, you can’t help but also think he’s so calm ; so collected and uncaring at the threats that surround you.
Scratching is heard, the door jolting from the impact. The person outside cackles, drops of sweat fall from Amagi’s forehead. A thump against the door again — you think it’s coming off its hinges. Ryo’s shoulder bumps into yours as you back up, the sound of the door breaking disturbing the silence around you. The splintered pieces hit the floor, collecting around two pairs of boots.
A bloody, rabbit mask and orange hair greets you — another one a Jason-inspired mask doing little to hide blue hair. The rabbit giggles, swinging the axe in hand, “you’ll play with us now, right?”
Two more figures join them but your mind is so fogged from the panic. Ryo is speaking lowly in your ear, but you can’t make sense of anything he says. The girl from before is thrown to the floor, a doll-like mask hovering above her as she’s stabbed. The Jason mask creeps closer to you — he’s got you in his sights and he’s completely locked in.
A kick his sent to the masked man’s chest, sending him flying away as Ryo stands in front of you. He grabs a cheese knife from the center table, putting it in your hand. Your back is to the wall, allowing you to see every inch of the safe room.
Blood splatters as Ryo nails punch after punch onto the blue haired stranger. It’s a sickening, intense anger you’d never seen from him before. Your hands shake as you hold tightly onto the cheese knife, unable to look away from the violence in front of you. Ryo looks over his shoulder at you, blood on his forehead and nose as he stands.
The wound on his torso seems to no longer bother him.
Ryo is quick to pull you to a room, closing the door behind you both as you hold your breath. It’s a bathroom, you see, perfectly compact and hidden. Chaos reigns outside — you flinch as you identify Peach’s cries. A shaky hand cups your cheek, blood smearing as he rubs your skin soothingly. “Stay here,” Ryo pleads,”I’ll come get you when it’s safe.”
He strokes your cheek one last time before a glass is shoved in your hand. “Sip on this until I come back.” Ryo holds your hand, gaze fierce and promising, “I will come back, [name]. Stay in here.”
The door is shut and you’re left with the muffled sound of the people you were with being murdered. The handle of the knife you hold is embedded into your skin, the intricate design imprinted onto your palm. Heaving breaths escaped your chest and you know you need to calm down or you’ll pass out.
You eye the water you’re holding, champagne taste staining the flute you sip on. Panic has really set in now, the room around you blurring together into nothing but colors. Trembling legs settle onto the floor, your back to the bathtub as your eyes slide shut.
——♥︎——
“[Name],” is called lightly, a rustle on your shoulder shaking you. “C’mon, angel, it’s time to go.”
Your eyes blink open — they’re heavy, bleary as your eyesight still has to settle. You breathe deeply through your nose — it smells like iron and sweat. An alarm rings, commencing the Purge and thanking everyone for participating.
Your eyes snap back open at the words. You weren’t safe ; the security was fought through and intruders welcomed themselves in. Ryo — Ryo went out to fight. And then, nothing. You fell asleep?
The floor beneath you is wet, your fingers pruning up from the water. Another gentle jostle to your shoulder — someone was here with you. Widened, unseeing eyes blink up at him and he coos.
“[Name],” Ryo calls again. He rubs your cheek lovingly as your eyes flutter shut once more. He sighs — it was too much on your body, after all. Slowly, he wraps your legs around his waist, standing easily and taking you with him as he goes. “Keep your eyes closed, honey. You don’t need to see this.”
Suzaki speaks to someone else as your eyes flutter open and closed periodically. You can’t stay awake — what was in that water? Your mouth moves against his neck, incomprehensible mutters and noises leaving your lips. You hear him kick something on the way out and spit out something you don’t hear.
As you leave, you notice the bloody mess is wearing Amagi’s clothes.
“Welcome back.”
You feel better now ; awake and attentive as your eyes slide open. The sun is in the middle of the sky, warming up the room you’re in. Suzaki sits on the edge of the bed you’re in, clean and grinning as he rubs your legs soothingly. “About time you woke up, huh?”
The last few hours come back to you in a movie-like sequence. The screaming, the door shattering, the blood. You gulp, “what… happened? At Amagi’s?”
Ryo let’s out a sigh, shaking his head. He squeezes your knee lightly, sucking in a breath between his teeth. “It was ugly — an all out brawl. But, we survived and you came out unscathed. That’s all we need to worry about.”
But, your mind stills races. You remember seeing Amagi — seeing what should’ve been his fully intact corpse in pieces. “Peach? And Amagi? Did… anyone else live?”
“I don’t know,” he looks to the bedroom wall. His voice is uncaring ; unsympathetic as he speaks. “All I was worried about was protecting you.”
“You did.” You sit up straighter now, reaching out to hold Ryo’s hand. “You saved us — saved me.”
The room goes silent as you bask in the warmth of the sun. It’s disorienting — the world being so warm after the bloodbath of last night. Ryo speaks quietly, “I’d do it again if I needed to.”
The side of his mouth curves up as he continues, “maybe even after that.”
——♥︎——
happy halloween!! this feels a lil icky to post considering the state of the world rn, but id like to offer a distraction if i can while still using the platform i have <3 if youd like to b tagged / untagged in any HiGH&LOW content, let me know!
🍓FOREVER TAGS : @star2fishmeg ♥︎
🍓 H&L TAGLIST : @rouzuchan @yuken-gf @strxwberrychocolate @simpforchuchu @thatpoindexterpixy @cheshirecatuniverse
airbendertendou © do not copy, plagiarize, repost, or translate my content on any platform. if you see my content under any other name than my own, let me know. i only have this tumblr and an ao3 account under the same name.
#ryo suzaki#suzaki ryo x reader#Suzaki ryo imagine#suzaki ryo au#suzaki ryo oneshot#yandere!suzaki ryo#yandere!high&low#high&low the worst x#high&low the worst cross#high&low x reader#HiGH&LOW suzaki#high&low imagines#HiGH&LOW au#HiGH&LOW oneshot#HiGH&LOW the cross x reader#senomon#high and low#high and low x reader#high and low suzaki
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DuPont School for Monstrous Youths- Jess Keynes & A.E.O.N.
Buckle up for the storm! Here’s Jess, and her ‘sister’! @artzychic27 @imsparky2002
Jess:
Species: Thunderbird
Appearance/Attire: Back length, feathery dark brown hair, tied in a fishtail braid with eagle feather clasp, dark brown eyes with red sclera and long dark lashes, sharp bronze beak for a nose, deep tanned skin with Lichtenberg scars, rich brown feathers along arms and legs, large rich brown wings with patches of stark white, sharp talons on hands. Beaded grey headband with eagle feathers, steel chain necklace with eagle talon pendant, matching earrings, Cropped brown leather jacket, gold lightning decals on back, white t-shirt with black piping, golden bangles on left wrist, metallic silver wristwatch with a bright blue screen, maroon leggings with white beading, brown leather boots with black fringe.
Bio: Being the daughter of a society leader among her kind known for strength and fairness, there’s nothing Jess longs for more than to be a leader herself. Determined and protective, Jess will always look out for those she holds close to her heart. Having transferred to DuPont from the states, it took Jess some time to feel like she had a place, but she made friends among the student body who value her for her spirit and encouraging nature. As much as she loves her, Jess also relishes the chance to be out of her overprotective mother’s sight, and hoping to finally find the ‘spark’ that will allow her to take her full Thunderbird form. And of course, she didn’t come alone…
Quotes:
“These assholes better be ready for the thunder to come down!”
“Hey sis, you got any read on what’s happening here?”
“When is mom gonna get that I’m not a kid anymore? I’m as capable of leading as she is!”
“To be able to transform, you have to…feel something…a spark. It’ll come when it’s the right time, mom says.”
“Hey, the feathers aren’t just for show! Pulling those hurts!”
“I don’t care if it’s cliche or a pun, AC/DC is badass and the song slaps. It’s my favorite.”
A.E.ON. (Adaptive Emotiointelligent Organization Network):
Species: Artificial Intelligence Program
Appearance/Attire: Translucent, thick royal blue curls, translucent navy skin, white circuitry all across her skin, bright sky blue eyes with clear sclera. Aqua blue headband, white blouse with ruffled collar, sky blue cardigan with pearl buttons, pleated grey skirt, white calf socks, black Mary Janes.
Bio: A.E.O.N. is Jess’ sister, but the thing is, she lives in her wristwatch. Because, see, A.E.O.N. is an artificial intelligence, sentient computer program with all the compassion and emotional intelligence of a living being, created by her mother, Jess’ stepmother, Olympia Hill. Jess can call on her whenever she needs help or just someone to talk to. A.E.O.N. in turn, absolutely adores Jess and will be the first to hype her up and tell her she can do anything she sets her mind to. She especially loves when Jess is able to project her into her hologram form so she can interact with everyone at the school and get typical teenage experiences. She may not be the most conventional sister, but she’s one worth having.
Quotes:
“Good morning, sister! How may I assist you?”
“Oh, that sounds so exciting! Jess, would you take me with you to watch?”
“I’m detecting, based on my analysis programs, that this may not be the best idea.”
“I’m so happy right now, I feel like my circuitry could burst!”
“Please hold for a moment, my data processors need to get up to speed.”
“You are my sister, too, Jess. I love you, with all my digital heart.”
Sisters for life! Leave your thoughts in the comments and belongs! (Anyone who guesses what Jess’ favorite song is gets bonus points!)
#miraculous ladybug#school for monstrous youths#monster high au#jessica keynes#aeon hill#wendigo#ai companion
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hello everyoneee ♥ i'm here with the person behind doors of 8a apartment, song yuri; the definition of a gifted child who's gone through the good old fashioned burnout. i have her short dossier here and her pinterest board for vibes here if you want to check it out. under read more you can find out more about her bio in form of bulletpoints!
27th of october, making her double scorpio + capricorn for my astrology loving friends, born and raised in seoul!
both of her parents are accountants and both of them are the definition of tiger parents. as far as her memory goes and as busy as her parents were with their jobs, they've also always emphasized studying, reading and learning and she was already attending cram school when she was four — to which her mother said was already too late. she didn't have barbies or bratz dolls growing up, and instead, newest book about physics or chemistry would be placed on her table as a present.
and soon enough everyone learned that she's actually quite talented when it came to numbers. the go-to for teachers if no one else understands the equations, been in math clubs throughout her school years, even won a national competition once (though it didn't matter to her mom because yuri was still always second on the students' grades list in high school lol!!), with many diplomas collecting dust in cardboard boxes back in her childhood bedroom.
her life was genuinely boring compared to her peers': while many were experiencing first loves, karaoke bars and exploring their youths, yuri was literally just... studying lol! it was a bit overwhelming but the knowledge of how many hours your parents put into your education and the guilt of "i cant let them down" every time her spirits waned kind of """"helped""" her push through. thankfully she was never made to pick up an instrument because her breakdown would've come a lot sooner... additionally while she wasn't the #1 pick of students in terms of popularity (her being taller than some of her male classmates didn't really help), she was generally liked; she'd help tutor other students and help them out! she never had that stuck up aura around her due to her grades
never really complains about anything because every time she tries to she's hit with the "i don't have time right now sweetie" so she just. bottles everything up... which is still a coping mechanism to this day whoops
it all pays off though and miss girl gets a ticket to a dept of astrophysics at snu :) her parents couldn't be prouder and obviously it's thanks to their care and dedication that yuri is given this special once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and really they made so many sacrifices in the past years... they put in their blood, sweat and tears into her... someone pat them on the back quickly!!!
(never mind the fact yuri doesn't actually remember when was the last time she ate a homemade meal of her mother's... or father's)
to stop yapping about her past tl;dr: the continuous flow of expectations and pressure makes yuri crumble in her second year of studies. she tries to push through, but with the amount of classes she's skipping on purpose... she eventually... drops out >_< and is promptly... cut off. because how dare she repay her parents like this after everything!!! hasn't spoken to her mom in years though her dad does reach out to check if she's alive from time to time
she couch surfs for about six months while working part time jobs until a close friend tells her about gyeogang's apts and helps her out with rent when she moves in in late 2022.
has been working as a florist at a local flowershop since 2023 and the job is, in spite of its actual nature that can be hectic and sometimes clocking in over 12 hrs a day, quite calming to her!!! after everything she enjoys having her hands occupied like that and seeing what her hands actually make when it comes to bouquets.
personality wise yuri is quite timid, sometimes too much for her own good. she tries to avoid conflicts and arguments, empathetic to others' opinions and feelings, on the introverted side. will help out however she can. quite warm when you befriend her, the type of friend for life & the type of friend you can reach out to after years of no contact without that feelings of awkwardness lingering in air. holds petty grudges however and will also completely ignore you if you asked her re: her uni situation...
some other tidbits: — has a six month old orange tabby named minnie. she thought it's a girl for longest time so the name just stuck.... and yes she's a victim to orange cat shenanigans — her apt is filled with cat safe plants!!! ask her abt recommendations or cuttings and she's your gal — has a deep fear of tinder — cycles wherever she can!!! she has a little green bike with one of those baskets on the front — got all of her piercings on a whim — has a faceless youtube vlog she hasn't posted on in like nine months — says how she needs to cook more but always forgets to buy eggs so she lives off of delivery — the type to leave anonymous noise complains notes on community board instead of directly confronting lol...
i prefer brainstorming for plotting, or taking up other people's wanted plots as my brain is pea sized when it comes to offering ideas on the spot so i will be sliding into dms instead!!!
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[ i can’t tell if you’re real or if it’s all just a dream…]
savefile: Nova Grey Age: 24 Nicknames: supernova, novie Birthday: 9.18 Current Hometown: Linkon City Profession: Deepspace Hunter Side job(s): Freelance illustrator, immersive daydreamer Evol: Resonance evol (invisibility evol when interacting with other MCs)
Nova doesn’t admit it often but….
>She often has a cynical output that’s mostly for everyone she meets. Unless you get to know her on a closer level, then it’s like a switch is flipped. She’s more calm and relaxed, because she realizes she can trust you.
>She does illustrations on the side and has a few social media accounts to post her art. Few in her circle know about it. It’s not like she’s struggling to pay bills, but rather it gives her something else to do if she’s not playing games.
>Absolutely in love with memes, uses it to cope when emotions want to take the wheel
>Tends to immersive daydream, tries not to fall into it, which is why she keeps herself busy when she’s not on duty. She got caught once in her apartment listening to music and daydreaming a whole scenario in her head. Didn’t snap out of it till someone tapped her shoulder. Couldn’t live it down since.
> She’s provocative, who isn’t these days? She tries to keep it under a veil of decorum, but that’s flung out the window unless you push her buttons. Make her flustered, keep her on her toes. Just do what you can to bring out that side of her she’s so intent on keeping hidden. (She likes a challenge, or a fair fight at the very least.)
Some other guidelines…
-Mun is 29, cannot stress that enough. Please understand this.
-This blog is active but not 24/7, I tend to be offline during the week, or I may be busy on other blogs or social media platforms.
-Please be over the age of 18 or have an age indicator somewhere in your bio or blog, you’ll be sent to the backrooms. Same goes for blank or ageless blogs. It’s not hard to fit it into your aesthetic. Just respect that and you won’t have to be blocked.
-No hate of any kind around here, no harassment, no negativity of any form. This blog is a safe space for me, as this is my escape from the stresses of life.
-If you’re familiar with Godmodding, or not at all, I’d advise you to look up on the topic. That’s not allowed here.
-If you’ve read and understood the rules then have a seat, or take a look around this space. Try not to go too far though, I won’t be able to help much.
(This is going to be updated or revamped soon, so don’t mind the basic layout please ;w;)
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Headcanons: Drace and Martial Arts
{out of dalmasca} I just wanted to share a headcanon I have for Drace that I'm... honestly not sure I put in her bio or not, haha, and I'm too lazy to read through it, so I'll just say it again. Below the cut for length.
Drace is very much into martial arts. She likes weapons training and for her, training is as much a hobby and a meditative release as it is necessary for her occupation, but she also likes training and meditating without weapons, or with ornamental weapons that aren't meant for real battle.
What I imagine is that she does something like this. Obviously it would probably be a bit different because China doesn't exist in Ivalice, heh, but in much the same vein. Something that involves a lot of strength, balance, and a decent amount of artistry too. She would do this without her armor on, and so I imagine that whatever her private quarters are aside from her office as a Judge Magister, they would have floor space enough for her to engage in these kinds of exercises, because this wouldn't be something she would want to do in a public training space and leave herself too exposed. Especially since the point, aside from maintaining her strength, balance, and control, would be to actually meditate, so her mind would be focused on what she's doing and not on anyone who might come upon her.
If your muse is someone with privileged access to her private quarters, they have probably seen her doing this on a frequent basis. She would continue this into her MCU verse, except she would probably feel comfortable doing it in the training gym rather than restricting it to her room all the time. Do with this information as you will, heh.
For her, it serves two purposes: 1) it keeps her very strong, flexible, and in shape, which is necessary for wearing that heavy suit of armor around each and every day but also for facing off in battle against men a lot larger and stronger than she is. And 2) it provides meditative benefits for her. She enjoys this and it makes her emotionally happier and calmer. Having to slow down both mentally and physically, be very controlled, and be very precise and steady in her movements, gets her mind to focus on that instead of the stresses of her day or anything else that's bothering her. It also makes her proud when she executes the movements properly, and it feels physically good to perform them.
Drace has a love of martial arts and weaponry both as art forms in addition to being important for her role as a Judge Magister. She was first exposed to martial arts through a tutor her father hired for her when she was a pre-teen. By that time, Drace had already expressed an interest in following in her father's footsteps as a Judge Magister someday, and although her father was fully supportive of her ambitions, he also recognized that she was viewing it in the sense of glory and adventure rather than the hard and often stressful work and fighting it would actually entail. He told her that being a Judge Magister was as much about her mind as it was about her skill, but a tiny Drace didn't understand. So to help her understand, he hired the tutor to help align her mind and body, as it were, and to teach her patience and control.
It stuck with her, and she found herself pursuing and expanding upon what she'd learned for years after that tutoring ended. She is now a master of several forms of martial arts native not only to Archadia but in other places of Ivalice as well.
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The fact that DPO didn’t show in their social media the “To love is simply know this” part of the poem and it’s revealed by Callum in the trailer while they show a scene with him and Rayla is such a move, they know what they are doing don’t they? I wonder how it will actually play in the show
So here's the thing - one of the traits attributed to the Ocean arcanum forever ago (hi like immediate post-s1 "which primal are you" quiz) cites that the Ocean arcanum is primarily about connection, i.e. "You value friendship, love, and family above all else in life" which isn't that dissimilar from Callum's canon Tales of Xadia bio, citing, "I value those close to me more than anyone or anything" which he's more than demonstrated before about Ezran and Rayla. This also falls in line with Viren's "I have always been ready to do anything to protect my family, however dangerous, however vile. In the name of love, you may perform acts so unforgiveable," Claudia's overall everything in regards to her family / her father, and Rayla's "Going to dark places and making hard choices is an act of love".
Furthermore (putting on my English major cap) let's look at the (presumably Tidebound) poem itself:
Do not ask how the ocean’s blue, Or why the tides their time do keep. To love is simply to know this… The tides are true as the ocean is deep.
So the first two lines mention the ocean and tides, making them the connective thread of the poem (i.e. 3/4 lines are about them), specifically to not ask questions regarding appearance and time. You could also extrapolate this further into not asking why people do what they do (how their behaviour appears/manifests) or keeping track of when people do things (love is patient, love is kind, and all that). Either way, it seems either 1) you don't always have to understand someone to love them or 2) to be more focused on the person you love than the physical world around you / to see the people you love in the physical world around you.
Then you have the, as you rightfully pointed out, online that's been omitted from the poem previously: "To love is simply to know this..."
Now love itself isn't simple - platonic, romantic, alterous, and familial forms of love are about as complicated as it can get. However, TDP has taken this stance before with love and knowing what you can understand about it:
To know something truly and deeply, you must know it with your head, hand, and heart. Mind, body, and spirit. I love you with all of myself, and I always will. (Sarai, 2x09)
Which is to say I think the entire final lines need to be analyzed together, stating:
To love is simply to know this: the tides are true as the ocean is deep.
Which means, to me, that to love someone truly and deeply, you must accept that there will be changing and tumultuous times (the tides are in a constant ebb and flow and always will be) but that if your love is deep enough, you can weather any of said changes.
While it undeniably applies to Claudia and Viren (hence them and their Rayllum "reaching motif" "darkness and water" parallel), the fact that it's Callum reading it out loud is meaningful, I think, particularly since this sort of epiphany and it manifesting in his arc would absolutely fit his and Rayla's evolving dynamic this season: still madly in love, still incredibly supportive, and working to find their way toward reconciliation and understanding.
His love for Rayla, and her love for him, have been a defining part of their characters for a while (basically every season since season two) and I don't expect that to change any time soon. Thus, they have to come around and figure out what they are, and reaffirm who they are to each other (a partner, a friend, a best friend, and possibly a romantic partner again) in order for either of them to fully start healing.
Because at the end of the day, all it really comes down to is if they love each other - and well, the answer will always be yes.
Ezran: You still love her, don't you? Callum: I don't even know if she's alive. Ezran: She's alive. And wherever she is, she loves you, too. [...] Ezran: Callum, Rayla, stop [arguing]. Don't you remember who you are?
#a narrative of love#tdp#tdp meta#the dragon prince#thanks for asking#anonymous#the english major strikes again#rayllum#s5 spoilers#tdp spoilers
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Ask game shopping list!
1) for Josh and Iz
9) for Josh and Leah
13) for Cairyx and Cassie
14) for Leah and Maddie
16) for Leah, Maddie and Cassie :3
19) for Jessie
25) for Cassie and Eli
1) Does your OC have a voice claim, if so who?
joshua: wes night from rad mad venture (sample)
isaac: slightly chiller version of howard from cabin tales (6:15-6:56 is a pretty solid example)
BONUS: joshua's devil noises sound like this at 5:43
9) How does your OC handle their physical health? Do they take care of themselves?
neither of them are especially focused on their physical health, but they both have small things they do to take care of themselves. for leah, she likes going on afternoon walks through towns, does some yoga stretches in the morning and before bed, and prefers to do home cooking when the whole gangs schedules n budget allow for it.
joshua is a very outdoorsy person, so he'll often visit hiking trails when he doesn't have anything else to do. also, he has some health perks from his Weird Hellfire Biology: he never gets sick because no pathogens can survive in him, and he burns a lot of calories just being in his human form (thats also why cael devils tend to be a bit warmer than humans)
13) Does your OC have a rival? How did it start?
cairyx: i can see him considering luce's Boys (the other hell princes) rivals since they tend to pull his attention away from senseless violence and more towards apocalypse schemes, which cairyx finds super boring
cassie: nope! she's a very easy-going person and isn't as competitive when it comes to numbers as elijah
14) Who's a character your OC cannot stand! It's on sight when they see them!
elijah hardy for both of them. more so for madeline since she was too busy freeing joshua from the attic to get all the details abt the blackmail
16) How's their relationship with their parents? Are they alive?
leah: strained. her parents became much more of a fanatic in their religious beliefs after rachel's death, especially her dad. so leah doesn't talk with them much outside of holidays
madeline: her dad completely ghosted both her and her mom after the divorce, but she still gets along well with her mom and will often call her to update her on how her life's been after moving to rochester
cassie: she's still on good terms with both her parents, but she didn't get to see them much for a while due to how busy she was with college and the youtube channel. she'll be in contact with them much more frequently now that elijah's youtube career is basically over tho
19) What's their sexuality? What's their love language both giving and receiving?
as stated in her character bio on the neocities, jessie's a lesbian! tho she hasn't been in the mood for dating in a while between andrew's death and all the chaos surrounding nox in 2009.
in her younger years while she was still seeing people, she would often show her affection through her words n helping out with chores n other such tasks. she also preferred receiving love through direct words, and was really turned off when her partners would try to make her read their minds.
25) Are they the kind of person who can't resist a good song? Can I catch your OC singing to themselves while they do the dishes?
yes for both, but more so for cassandra since she's the better singer lol
elijah isn't exactly a bad singer, but he included a bit where he jokingly sings in one of his old skit videos one time. and. the comments were not tactful in their critiques to say the least. so he rarely does more than humming now after that experience lol
Secret Ask List
#ask the skeleton#cdta#joshua atkin#isaac hawthorne#leah milton#cairyx#cassandra jordan#madeline wells#jessie simmons#elijah hardy
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independent & selective roleplay blog for kugisaki nobara from jujutsu kaisen written by val (she/her, 25).
carrd | ask memes | verses | headcanons | playlist | interest check | promo credit
rules are also below for ease since i am pinning this post.
SECTION 1. Writing.
I want to write with everyone! Although I prefer multi-para replies, I enjoy having a variety of threads from one-liners and icons to brief responses and long-form text. I am flexible and reciprocate the energy given to me by my writing partner. I enjoy both serious threads and crack. I only ask that you don’t godmod or dictate how my character acts/feels.
Ask memes are always a good way to break the ice, but I am also open to plotting. That can be done via Tumblr IMs or Discord. Your preference, really. Response speed may vary depending on multiple factors, but please note I don’t intend to ghost anyone. I am an adult with a demanding full-time job and a part-time job so it can be a bit hectic on my end.
In terms of response speed, I may favor my mains or people I’ve interacted with OOC first, as well as plotted threads. These are usually easier for me since I have an idea of how to approach the writing.
SECTION 2. Selectivity.
Although I say I am semi-selective, I tend to follow back most blogs. That said, there are exceptions. For example, one case I might not follow back is if I observe poor dash hygiene. I don’t really want a super clogged dashboard so I tend not to follow people who have a greater ratio of OOC posts compared to IC. Other things I like are cut posts and new threads for asks. The last two are not dealbreakers, though, but I consider this good dash hygiene.
I am crossover-friendly and OC-friendly. However, I likely won’t follow back unless you have a JJK-specific verse or some sort of bio for your muse. I dislike having to fish for information. I am a bit more hesitant to follow back in these cases, but I can overlook that if I see potential for interaction.
SECTION 3. IC Dynamics.
I enjoy exploring different dynamics with different characters. Shipping can be romantic, friendly, filial, etc. I love writing with various muses.
That said, I am highly selective about romantic shipping. It will be done on a case-by-case basis. I will only really write shippy content if there is chemistry between the muses (our portrayals) and prior conversations between us OOC discussing the dynamic. All interactions with muses within my muse’s age range are platonic unless stated otherwise. I will never off-the-bat assume there is romance involved between muses unless we have explicitly had a conversation about it. Although I am 25, there will be absolutely no smut.
In a similar vein, what is said in a thread with another person’s muse does not apply to the canon of our threads unless you have made your muses’ canon clear (i.e. your rules/about cite this connection, you have stated something OOC, etc). If I follow you, assume I have read your rules and bio.
SECTION 4. OOC Conduct.
All I ask for is kindness and understanding. Always assume the best intentions from others and never yuck anyone’s yum. I work a stressful job and I am here for entertainment. Please don’t bring negativity and other exhausting energy into this space. If there is ever a time I do something that bothers you, please bring it to my attention directly. Also, bear in mind that I am not my character and would prefer to keep a clear distinction between what is IC and what is OOC.
This should go without saying, but if you reuse a plot we crafted together or copy anything I, or anyone else, has done, you may get blocked if it is brought to my attention. It really depends on the severity, or if it is a repeat offense.
SECTION 5. DNI/Vague Posts.
Don’t come here with bullshit. Don’t follow me if you do a lot of vague posting. If I see it enough times, I will block. We are adults. If you want to say something without the repercussions of saying it, then do it in private or keep it to yourself. If it is that serious, then go talk to that person directly. Communicate like a mature adult.
If there is someone I interact with who is actually problematic or has actually engaged in problematic behavior, dm me in private.
#jjk rp#jujutsu kaisen roleplay#jjk roleplay#anime rp#ooc; self promo#thanks to the dairy queen for putting the work to edit this for me#but yes
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Sonic OC Showdown questions!
Been wanting to do these for a while now but I've been busy. Now that I actually have some time, I'm going to answer all of the prompts out so far!
(Answers under cut because this got pretty long)
First question-
Ruby has the same powers you'd see in Sonic's Werehog transformation- heightened senses, supernatural strength and stamina, and stretchy arms- but since her transformation is permanent, her abilities are not limited by the time of day. She also has an affinity to Dark Gaia Energy and is very sensitive to even the slightest shift in energy levels. The energy inside her also helps heal wounds, but they don't heal very quickly, and fatal wounds can still be, well, fatal.
She can also transform further when under extreme stress, absorbing Dark Gaia Energy from the environment and tapping into the dormant energy already inside her. It unlocks whatever mental limits there are to her strength and speeds up regeneration. This comes at the cost of her rationality, as her mind becomes so fogged that she acts purely on instinct. The transformation leaves her drained and feverish too.
The transformation is very reminiscent of the Nightmares from Sonic Unleashed, with dark fur, glowing marking around the face and arms, and a long tail and horns.
Next question-
Originally, Ruby was from an island called Punto Oro (essentially the Mobius equivalent to Puerto Rico). Their family lived in a coastal town (think Boquerón or La Parguera), before moving to Central City in the United Federation when they were around nine to ten years old. Then things happened, their bio family is killed, they barely escape with their life, and then end up being adopted by their current cat family.
They currently live in a Zone called Phantom Grove, near Central City, with their adoptive family in a large cabin. The Zone is best described as a sea of trees, with lots of bioluminescent fauna and fungi that light up in the night, and barely anyone living there. It's said that the forest is haunted by many spirits, but Ruby never noticed much supernatural activity in the nine years they've lived there.
They really couldn't ask for a better place to live. It's quiet, there's no people, there's lots of nature and plenty of shade, and there's even a Chao Garden nearby. It's just perfect... save for when Eggman attacks the nearby city, but otherwise, it's perfect.
Next-
I actually don't have a set voice claim for her. I haven't found anyone who sounds exactly like how I imagine her voice to be like in my head.
If I had to describe it, I'd say it's pretty deep, kind of husky, and pretty monotone (unless she's feeling extreme emotion and not actively suppressing it). She also has the slightest bit of an accent when speaking English that becomes more noticeable when she's comfortable. When speaking Spanish, however, she has a heavy Puerto Rican accent that she can't mask very well.
Her voice does change when she goes into Nightmare mode. It's even deeper and rougher, pretty much just like real wolf growls with a reverb effect to it. She can't speak in that form, so pretty much all you'll hear from her in that state is guttural growling, snarls, yips, whines, and howls.
And finally-
Ruby has a lot of time on their hands, so they tend to pick up a lot of hobbies to spend it. One of their major ones is making stuffed toys, which they've actually gotten pretty good at (surprising, considering their large hands make it hard to do a lot of things). They also do a lot of other arts and crafts type things, a lot involving sewing, like embroidery, for example. Puzzles of any kind are a big one, too, especially jigsaw puzzles or anything you have to put together with your hands.
They've also tried drawing, writing, sculpting, you name it, they've probably tried it, but they never really stuck with it. Sometimes they read, or try to watch the shows or play the games their siblings like (which they often don't really enjoy that much; they have a very particular taste in media) but those don't really hold their attention for very long.
Most of all, they like to run in the forest, especially at night, and stargaze. They also often go to the local Chao Garden and play with the Chao there, sometimes even falling asleep with them and spending the night in the garden.
--
And that's it for now! I'll make another post if they add more prompts, or reblog this one with more responses :] If you have any follow-up questions, feel free to ask! My ask box is always open!
@sonic-oc-showdown
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Supernova Bio
Real Name: (Various translations) Methuselah, Earendel
More Legendary Translations (Though she doesn’t really go by them): Artemis, Athena, Cassiopeia, Eris, Nyx, Psykhe, Andromeda, Ceto, Asteria, Melinoe, Persephone, Hestia, Nemesis, Mnemosyne, Cilo, Hebe, Circe, Thanatos, Soteria, Hecate Kaun Yin (etc.)
Chosen Name: Supernova
Nickname(s): Nova
Titles (at the time of her death): Queen of Elder, Elder Queen, Supernova Queen
Former Titles: Princess of Elder, Elder Princess, Supernova Princess
Age: Nearly Thirteen Billion
Quote: “I’ve found that if people think I’m less than I actually am, the more satisfying it is for me, and more shocking it is for them, when I prove them wrong.”
“I am not your little princess. There’s a reason I was the inspiration for so many feared Goddesses."
Human Appearance: Curly Red/Blonde Hair, Purple eyes, Five Foot Three.
Natural Appearance: Curly Multi-colored Hair, Purple Eyes, Five Foot Three
Species: Elder (Neighbor planet of Gallifrey)
Status: Suppressed but Alive
Cause of Supposed Death: Shot by Dalek after trying to save the Doctor’s life
Powers/Abilities: Empathy, Mild Telepathy, Reincarnation, Aura-Seeing, Mind Palace, Light Manipulation, Heat Manipulation, Optional Semi-Immortality, Levitation, Memory Transfer, Gravity Manipulation,
Oddities: Silver Tears; when Elders die, their bodies glow and cause a violent seeming although ultimately harmless explosion outward; Legend says that some are capable of reincarnating as new Elders or other alien species if their gods view them worthy enough, only one has been proven worthy enough.
Relations:
Kassandra (Mother, Deceased)
Castiel (Father, Deceased)

Narcissus (Husband via Arranged Marriage, Deceased)
Personality: Loyal to a fault; Kind; Compassionate; Fierce; Protective; Intelligent; Scary when angry; Geeky; Witty; Sarcastic; Tomboy; Just; Selfless; Shy, Hufflepuff, Brave, Curious, Soft, Insecure, Secret Badass, Observant, Strong, Fighter, Trusting, Loving, Violent, Impulsive, Scatterbrained, Pessimistic, Eccedentiast (Hides her pain with smiles), Cold Anger, Hyperactive, Insensitive, Masks her feelings, Perceptive, Paradoxical
Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff
Hogwarts Hybrid: Gryfflepuff (Hufflepuff/Gryffindor)
Fears:
Claustrophobia — Fear of small, enclosed spaces — As a princess she grew to resent enclosed spaces as she often felt trapped.
Likes: Freedom, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Reading, Helping, The color purple, Traveling with the Doctor, Halloween, Kindness, Mischief, The Doctor, Violence, Proving people wrong
Dislikes: Being Bored, Feeling Trapped, Most People, Wearing dresses, Looking girly, Being called girly, The color pink, Valentine's Day, Conformity, Being forced to conform to royal forms
Tendencies: To go on philosophical tangents, to help those who feel distressed, to become violently protective; Tranquil Fury
Skills/Abilities: Sword Fighting, Acting, Sherlock Scan (Look on tvtropes.org), Intellect, Weapon Proficiency, Fighting, Martial Arts, Hacking, Omnilingual, Ability to use a Mind Palace (Like in Sherlock.)
Possible Disorder(s): ADHD, Directional Dyslexia
Sexuality: Heteroflexible Demisexual
Wardrobe: Flannel; Plaid; Leather Jackets; Beanies; Graphic tees; High tops; Boots; Trench Coats
Accessories: 3D Glow-In-The-Dark Galaxy Ball Pendant (Chameleon Arch), Alien Sword that Changes Its Blade As Per Wielder’s Mental Command
Friends: Ozzie Clarus (First love/Ex; Deceased), The Doctor, The Master (Presumed Deceased), Sarah Jane Smith, (Various other companions of the Doctor)
Enemies: Daleks, Cybermen, Narcissus
Love Interests:
Ozzie Clarus (First Love/Ex; Deceased)
The Doctor (Crush)
The Master (One-Sided Crush on his side; Presumed Deceased)
Narcissus (Husband by Arranged Marriage; Deceased)
Face Claim(s):
Malina Weissman (Violet Baudelaire)
Katherine Langford (Hannah Baker/Morgan Stark/Nimue/Leah Burke/Meg Thrombey)

#The Eccedentiast#Lillie Tyler#Supernova#2005 Bio#Violet Baudelaire#Katherine Langford#Doctor Who#Tenth Doctor#Ninth Doctor#Castiel#Sarcastiel#Greek Goddesses#Phoebe Halliwell#Misha Collins#Alyssa Milano
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Other Information



AUTHOR'S NOTE: As you can see I decided to redo my masterlist, so with it I will be redoing other stuff as well and that'll be all here on one post and tagged into my masterlist. This will inculde rules, how to request, and how to be apart of tags, as well as fandoms I'm apart of and characters I'm currently writing for or want to write for.
RULES
Please be patient if you request a one-shot from me. Unless I don't want to write the request (which is a big if, and I'll most likely write it), I will try to get the request out as quick as I can. I update three days every other week (for right the time being) so it'll most likely be added to a schedule I have for updates.
I will not tolerate any kind of hate on my page. This is a safe place and I want it to stay like that especially when it comes to request. If you are rude in anyway shape or form, you will be blocked from my account.
This is and will be an 18+ account as I get further into my writing. So if you do not have your age in your bio you will be blocked. Please make sure that you read the ones only if they are safe to be read, and please keep an eye on the trigger warnings if there are any.
I do not give anyone permission to copy or translate any of my works. Likes and reblogs are very much appreciated.
I mostly write for character's that use she/her pronouns, however I try to keep the reader as gender neutral as I can unless it's an original character.
Most of my one-shots will not have a name used. However they might have certain nicknames depending on the love interest. If I give a name it'll be Y/N, and if it's an original character that'll be clear when posting the story.
If you are requesting, a form (which will be listed below) is optional when requesting depending on what you're resting. Just make sure to include a good amount of information when you request, because it'll be easier for me to further expand on the idea.
Lastly, any request is welcome, it can included fluff, angst, smut, or dark themes. Please keep in mind that there are certain themes that I don't know how to write so I will either try my best to write them or I won't write them at all.
REQUESTING
This is optional.
Fandom
Fluff, angst, smut, dark themes
Love interest
Plot
Extra info
CHARACTERS OR CELEBS I WILL WRITE FOR
Rhysand
Cassian
Azriel
Eris Vanserra
Lucien Vanserra
Helion
Feyre Archeron
Tamlin
Aaron Warner
Kenji Kishimoto
Eddie Munson
Steve Harrington
Steve Rogers
Natasha Romanoff
Loki Laufeyson
Carlisle Cullen
Kate Denali
Garrett
TAG LIST
If you wish to be apart of tags for a specific story you can let me know down below which story you'd like be added to the tag list or you can let me know in the comments of that story and I'll add you to the tag list.
FANDOMS I AM APART OF
Movies: Marvel, Horror, Transformers, Fast and Furious, The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, Harry Potter, Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them, Fear Street, Scream, National Treasure, The Night at the Museum, Resident Evil, Pirates of the Caribbean, Bullet Train, 6 Underground, Knives Out, The Gray Man, Army of Thieves, Army of the Dead, The Twilight Saga, Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, San Andreas
TV Shows: Stranger Things, Supernatural, 9-1-1, 9-1-1 Lone Star, Grey's Anatomy, Outer Banks, The Umbrella Academy, Nancy Drew (The CW), The Walking Dead, Fear The Walking Dead, Friends, Bones, Will Trent, Alert: Missing Persons Unit, Criminal Minds, Moonlight, Hawaii Five-O, The Sandman, Fate: The Winx Saga, Santa Clarita Diet, Lucifer, Locke & Key, Slasher, Riverdale (Season 1-3), Scream (Season 1-2), The Haunting of Bly Manor, The Haunting of Hill House, The Boys, American Horror Story, The Last of Us
BOOKS I'LL WRITE FOR
A Court of Thorns and Roses
Shatter Me
A Good Girl's Guide to Murder (Eventually)
#munson hellfire#munson hellfire rules#blog rules#request#characters i write for#requesting#tags#a court of thorns and roses#tv shows#movies#fandoms#shatter me#stranger things#marvel#the lord of the rings
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Target: Practice prologue
This WIP is the big one. The whole enchilada, my white whale, my daresaid magnum opus.
For the moment.
Some folks like to share character bios, or pictures of their OCs, but for me, I like the idea of the mystery. I can tell you exactly how I feel about Swift, the main character of this story, but I'm far more curious; what does he tell you about himself?
-
Do you ever think about how you can never be who you used to? Not to say that we can’t hold on to the things that really matter or something like that. I mean that you can’t go back to knowing less than what you know right here, in this moment. You’re sitting here reading this, and seconds are passing, and you can’t ever not know what I’m telling you. I’ve been thinking about that a lot recently. I’ve been thinking too much, probably. They’ve been telling me that writing down your feelings helps. The only way I can get the words to come out is to write it like a letter. Dear Mom, wherever you are, I want you to know how I’ve been.
I’m thinking about how I used to love New Hope. I can remember how it felt to be a kid, when you assume that the world was built just for your comfort, because the people that love you were working hard behind the scenes to make it seem that way. The thing is, I can’t remember why I thought that. All I have are the emotions. I can’t get back the thoughts I had, only how I felt; the reactions I had to what was happening around me. Like, I used to be the kind of person that really believed the walls were there to keep us safe. I guess the people that had them built did want very much for me to believe that. There was a time when the Practice, so tall it looked like it could reach Heaven, made me feel like I was special. No matter where I went, there she was, my guardian angel. I felt like I was among the chosen ones, like everyone I knew was in a secret Eden. Our God was bright to the point of iridescence, just as a god should be. She purified all of the disease around her, just as a god would. She demanded sacrifice, just as a god does.
I used to not blame the Practice. I was still a kid. Some kind part of myself wants me to know I am still a kid. But kids can go to their parents, can’t they? Kids can cry when they’re sad. The first thing we do is cry, the moment we’re out in the world. Did I cry, Mom? I can’t know, and I can’t ask you, so I just never get to know for sure. Either way, I should be able to cry now, when I know I should, when I can tell I need to, but I just haven’t.
So maybe I wasn’t a kid after they took you away. Maybe I was just naive. Naive enough to carry the belief that the Practice was still the ultimate good. Like a security blanket. It veiled my eyes at the wake, dried my tears when they handed me the urn I was meant to believe could hold all that you used to be. It was by my side through the foster homes, the brief stays at orphanages. It tied itself around my heart so it couldn’t break when it was time to leave. I wasn’t the first to try to carry on without his mother, but I could have been standing in the center of a stadium with every person who’d ever been orphaned screaming at me that they knew exactly how it felt, and I would have still asked why it had to happen to me. The further away I got from that day, though, the more I began to understand; the blanket had become a suffocating shroud, tangling me deep in it.
Without that comfort, I’ve been having nightmares. They’re dimly lit, writhing things, joining a pulsating mass of sinew that threads and loops around itself into a knot. I swear the Knot can speak, even think, just like me, and it’s begging me for a relief I don’t know how to give it in a language I can understand but not speak. And every time I see the Practice, the Knot screams even louder. A rash has been forming in the back of my mind, persistent and inflamed, itching for relief. The irritation is telling me something I can’t ignore; that place is anything but holy. And I don’t know what to do about that.
I’m tired of how much I hate it. I just want to go back to not caring one way or the other, accepting that I could still be a child, have other interests, focus on anything else besides getting answers, or closure, or whatever I felt like I was missing. It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to think my foster family can tell. They don’t say it outright, and I think they even assume that what I’m feeling is simple grief, but they see what’s changing in me.
For all I know, maybe this is what grief feels like. Maybe grief is anger, wanting to lash out at an easily blamed target. Maybe grief is a refusal to forget, or accept, or move on. Worse still, maybe it’s that desperate, grasping fear under all of our other primal intuitions. The fear that I will forget your face, the sound of your voice, that my clearest recollection of you will be the last time I saw you, when all I could say was “Bye, Mom.” I should have told you how much you meant to me, how I needed you as much as when I was a helpless child. Thinking it was only natural that you’d come back after that appointment. Never being satisfied with the official report of botched emergency surgery. Never getting a proper goodbye, having to trust the urn that felt so cold and sterile really held any semblance of you.
Even if I asked my caretakers, I doubt that whatever grief they feel for the child whose bed I now sleep in could be expressed in words. If you could answer me, I know you would. I miss you, even more than people might think I do.
***
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