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mimicofmodes · 4 years ago

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“The Ladies Waldegrave” by Joshua Reynolds, 1780 (NGS NG2171)

I’ve complained before about two very big pet peeves of mine - corset stuff and Regency women being dressed in 1770s-1780s clothes - but one that may dwarf them because of how frequently it comes up in historical and fantasy fiction is the oppression of embroidery.

That’s probably putting it a bit too strongly. It’s more like ... the annoyance of embroidery. Every character worth reading about knows instinctively that sewing is a) boring, b) difficult, c) mindless, and d) pointless. The author doesn’t have to say anything more than “Belinda threw down her needlework and looked out the window, sighing,” to signal that this is an independent woman whose values align with the modern reader, who’s probably not really understood by her mother or mother figure, and who probably will find an extraordinary man to “match” her rather than settling for someone ordinary. To look at an example from fantasy, GRRM uses embroidery in the very beginning of A Game of Thrones to show that the Stark sister who dislikes it is sympathetic and interesting, while the Stark sister who is competent at it is boring and conventional and obviously not deserving of a PoV (until later books, when her attention gets turned to higher matters); further into the book, of course, the pro-needlework sister proves to be weak-willed and naïve.

Rozsika Parker, in the groundbreaking 1996 work The Subversive Stitch, noted that “embroidery has become indelibly associated with stereotypes of femininity,” which is the core of the issue. "Instead embroidery and a stereotype of femininity have become collapsed into one another, characterised as mindless, decorative and delicate; like the icing on the cake, good to look at, adding taste and status, but devoid of significant content.”

Parker also points out that the stereotype isn’t just one that was invented in the present day by feminists who hated the idea of being forced to do a certain craft. “The association between women and embroidery, craft and femininity, has meant that writers concerned with the status of women have often turned their attention towards this tangled, puzzling relationship. Feminists who have scorned embroidery tend to blame it for whatever constraint on women's lives they are committed to combat. Thus, for example, eighteenth-century critical commentators held embroidery responsible for the ill health which was claimed as evidence of women's natural weakness and inferiority.”

There are two basic problems I have with the trope, beyond the issue of it being incredibly cliché:

First: needlework was not just busywork

A big part of what drives the stereotype is the impression that what women were embroidering was either a sampler:

sampler embroidered by Jane Wilson, 14, in 1791 (MMA 2010.47)

or a picture:

unfinished embroidery of David and Abigail, British, 1640s-50s (MMA 64.101.1325)

That is, something meant to hang on the wall for no real purpose.

These are forms of schoolwork, basically. Samplers were made by young girls up to their early teens, and needlework pictures were usually something done while at school or under a governess as a showpiece of what was being learned - not just the stitching itself, but also often watercolors (which could be worked into the design), artistic sensibility, and the literature, history, or art that might be alluded to. And many needlework pictures made in schools were also done as mourning pieces, sometimes blank, for future use, and sometimes to commemorate a recent death in the family. A lot of them are awkward, clearly just done to pass the class, but others are really artwork.

Many schools for middle- and upper-class girls taught the making of these objects (and other “ornamental” subjects) alongside a more rigorous curriculum - geography, Latin, chemistry, etc. At some, sewing was also always accompanied by serious reading and discussion. (And it would often be done while someone read aloud or made conversation later in life, too.)

Once done with their education, women generally didn’t bother with purely decorative work. Some things that fabric could be embroidered for included:

Jackets

Bed coverings and bedcurtains

Collars and undersleeves

Pelerines

Neck handkerchiefs and sleeve ruffles

Screens

Upholstery

Handkerchiefs

Purses, wallets, and reticules

Boxes

Book covers

Plus other articles of clothing like waistcoats, caps, slippers, gown hems, chemises, etc. Women’s magazines of the nineteenth century often gave patterns and alphabets for personal use.

(Not to mention late nineteenth century female artists who worked in embroidery, but that’s something else.)

You could purchase all of these pre-embroidered, but many, many women chose to do it themselves. There are a number of reasons why: maybe they wanted something to do, maybe they felt like they should be doing needlework for moral/gender reasons, maybe they couldn’t afford to buy anything - and maybe they enjoyed it or wanted to give something they made to a person they loved. That firescreen above was embroidered by Marie Antoinette, someone who had any number of other activities to choose from. It’s no different than people today who like to knit their own hats and gloves or bake their own bread, except that it was way more mainstream.

embroidery patterns from Ackermann’s Repository in 1827 - they could be used on dresses, collars, handkerchiefs, etc.

Second: needlework wasn’t the only “useless” thing women were expected to do

Ignoring the bulk of point one for now and the value of embroidery - I mentioned “ornamental subjects” above. As many people know, young women of the upper and middle classes were expected to be “accomplished” in order to be seen as marriageable. This could include skills like embroidery, drawing, painting, singing, playing the piano (as well as other instruments, like the harp or the mandolin), speaking French (if not also Italian and/or German), as well as broader knowledge and abilities like being well-versed in music, literature, and poetry, dancing and walking gracefully, writing good letters in an elegant hand, and being able to read out loud expressively and smoothly.

This wasn’t a checklist. As the famous discussion in Pride and Prejudice shows, individuals could have different views on what actually made a woman accomplished:

“How I long to see her again! I never met with anybody who delighted me so much. Such a countenance, such manners! And so extremely accomplished for her age! Her performance on the pianoforte is exquisite.”

“It is amazing to me,” said Bingley, “how young ladies can have patience to be so very accomplished as they all are.”

“All young ladies accomplished! My dear Charles, what do you mean?”

“Yes, all of them, I think. They all paint tables, cover screens, and net purses. I scarcely know anyone who cannot do all this, and I am sure I never heard a young lady spoken of for the first time, without being informed that she was very accomplished.”

“Your list of the common extent of accomplishments,” said Darcy, “has too much truth. The word is applied to many a woman who deserves it no otherwise than by netting a purse or covering a screen. But I am very far from agreeing with you in your estimation of ladies in general. I cannot boast of knowing more than half-a-dozen, in the whole range of my acquaintance, that are really accomplished.”

“Nor I, I am sure,” said Miss Bingley.

“Then,” observed Elizabeth, “you must comprehend a great deal in your idea of an accomplished woman.”

“Yes, I do comprehend a great deal in it.”

“Oh! certainly,” cried his faithful assistant, “no one can be really esteemed accomplished who does not greatly surpass what is usually met with. A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, to deserve the word; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but half-deserved.”

“All this she must possess,” added Darcy, “and to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading.”

Mr. Bingley feels that a woman is accomplished if she has the ability to do a number of different arts and crafts. Miss Bingley feels (or says she feels) that it goes beyond specific skills and into branches of artistic attainment, plus broader personal qualities that could be imparted by well-bred governesses or mothers. And Mr. Darcy, of course, agrees with that but adds an academic angle as well.

But what ties all of these accomplishments together is their lack of value on the labor market. A woman could earn a living with any one accomplishment, if she worked hard enough at it to become a professional, but young ladies weren’t supposed to be professional-level good because they by definition weren’t going to earn a living. All together, they trained a woman for the social and domestic role of a married woman of the upper middle or upper class, or, if she couldn’t get married, a governess or teacher who would share her accomplishments with the next generation.

(To be fair, almost none of the trappings of an upper-middle/upper class male education had anything to do with the kind of career training that college frequently is today, either. Men were educated to know the cultural touchpoints of their class and fit in with their peers.)

There are reasons that an individual person/character might specifically object to embroidery, but it was far from the only “useless” thing that an unconventional heroine would be required to do against her inclination by her conventional mother/grandmother/aunt/chaperone. Embroidery stands out to modern audiences because most of the other accomplishments are now valued as gender-neutral arts and skills.

“The Embroidery Frame”, by Mathilde Weil, ca. 1900 (LOC 98501309)

So, some thoughts for writers of historical fiction (or fantasy that’s supposed to be just like the 19th/18th/17th/etc century):

- If your heroine doesn’t like embroidery, she probably doesn’t like a number of other things she’s expected to do. Don’t pull out embroidery as either more expected or more onerous than them. Does she hate to sit still? I’d imagine she also dislikes drawing and practicing the piano. Would she prefer to do academic subjects? She probably also resents learning French instead of Latin, and music and dancing. Does she hate enforced femininity? Then she’d most likely have a problem with all of the accomplishments.

- If your heroine just and specifically doesn’t like embroidery, try to show in the narrative that that’s not because it’s objectively bad, and only able to be liked by the boring. Have another sympathetic character do it while talking to the heroine. Note that the hero carries a flame-stitched wallet that’s his sister’s work. Emphasize the heroine’s emotional connection to her deceased or absent mother through her affection for clothing or upholstery that her mother embroidered - or through a mourning picture commemorating her. There are all kinds of things you can do to show that it’s a personal preference rather than a stupid craft that doesn’t take talent and skill!

mourning picture for Daniel Goodman, probably embroidered by a Miss Goodman, 1803 (MMA 56.66)

#history #women's history #writing #embroidery #19th century #18th century #17th century #victorian #georgian #regency

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eideticmemory · 5 years ago

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EVER SINCE NEW YORK IV | MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER

Description: I was messaged saying: “If you don’t write a young Matthew enemies to lovers fic featuring an obsession with sucking on boobs then what’s the point 😔.” So, here it is, folks! The ultimate College!Matthew fic. Cover by @timey-wimey-lovi!

PART 4! Read Part 3 here!

SOUNDTRACK:

Let Me Know - Clear Eyes.

Friends - Ed Sheeran.

Perfect Places - Lorde.

Word Count: 4,551.

Rating: M.

Warning/Includes: Sexual intercourse, drinking, recreational drug use, a bit of angst.

Fall, Junior Year.

Tisch School of the Arts,

New York University.

New York City.

“We’re going out tonight,” Claire said, plopping down on your bed.

“Oh? We are?” You replied, a notebook in your lap, and your back resting against the pillows.

“Yes. There is a welcome back party on campus tonight and we’re going.”

“I don’t feel like partying,” you sighed. “We just moved back in. There’s still so much left to do, to unpack.”

“Guess what? It’ll be here when we get back. And we’ll have all of tomorrow to decorate. But right now, we’re juniors, we’re thriving, and we’re gonna party!” She did a little dance, her red hair bouncing on her head.

You giggled, “Fine. Only until midnight! Then, we’re coming right back.”

“Geez, grandma? Midnight? Make it one!”

“Fine, one-thirty.”

“I’ll take it,” she smiled. She hopped out of bed, and turned on her heels, finger guns pointing at you. “Wear that red tube top. Step all the way out, kid. I mean it!”

“Yeah, we’ll see.”

You wore the top. It looked good. Abnormally good. Insanely good. It hugged your body, and accented your breasts, little ruffles handing on the hem. You paired it with a loose pair of jeans, leather boots, and sparkly jewelry. Your hair was pulled out of your face and you applied light makeup.

“Yes, ma’am!” Claire cheered when she saw you. “For someone who didn’t wanna party, you sure snapped.”

“Hush,” you blushed. “I just wanna be prepared, y’know, in case we take pictures or run into people.”

Person. Singular.

You anticipated a high chance of seeing Matthew tonight, and if it was true, it would be your first time seeing each other in person in two months. After week upon week of late night phone calls — full of dirty words, quiet moans, and soft goodnight wishes. With his timezone being three hours behind yours, the two of you set alarms on your phone to talk in the early hours of the morning. Until you fell into this routine of talking every night. First, helping each other get off — sometimes more than once. And then having a sleepy, giggle-filled conversation about anything under the sun. It regularly lasted until one of you fell asleep.

So, yeah. You were eager to see him. Even more eager to get back to his place. Get back underneath him. It’d been a week since you last spoke, both of you being too busy moving back to New York. You ached for him dearly. And you wanted his first reaction to seeing you again to be lustful, intense. The outfit was perfect.

Claire and you walked across campus, arm in arm, skin glowing under the lights, hair blowing in the breeze. The music was palpable, and you could hear it from miles away. The two of you stepped into the dorming building, giggling at the sight of familiar faces, the smell of alcohol and weed, the sound of bass.

For most of the night it was easy to mingle. You carried a solo cup of alcohol from each room — vodka. Everytime you drank rum, you got horny. It was weird. You couldn’t turn a corner without bumping into someone you knew, be it a dancer, an actor, film student. Being a double major, and active on campus, you knew way too many people. And everyone seemed to be there that night. It took you a good hour to rotate amongst groups.

“[y/n]?”

You turned around, a smile instantly appearing on your face. “Alex! Oh, my goodness! How are you?”

The dashing boy smiled at you, his hand on your shoulder. “Hey! I’m great, how are you?”

“I’m good, I’m good. I’m currently trying to have a good time despite being tired as hell.”

He laughed, “Well, I see you’ve got some good time juice there, so you’re halfway to freedom. Hey, I forgot to tell you — your performance in the nutcracker last Christmas was incredible. I, uh, I actually went to the spring ballet after that because I was so impressed.”

“Thank you,” you grinned. “I like to inspire people to experience ballet. It’s cool.”

“I was very inspired,” he nodded. “Hopefully we’ll have some more classes together this semester.”

“Yeah! If not, you know how to reach me.” You bit down on your lip to keep from smiling too wide. He gave you a quick wink, and walked away.

You instantly began looking for Claire, rushing around the dorm for anyone resembling your friend. You noticed her in the threshold of a room, shoulder leaned against the wall, her arms crossed. You walked up to her, “Claire! Claire, you’re not gonna believe who I just ran into. It was definitely not the reunion I was expecting tonight.”

Claire was dazed, staring in front of her with a face solid as stone. You very rarely saw her like this, and it freaked you out right away. “Claire? Claire, dude, what’s wrong?” You turned your head to follow her gaze, and your eyes landed on the couch.

People lined the cushions, and dead in the center was Matthew. His hair had grown out a lot, and he dressed differently. All button down shirts and khaki shorts. With that damn chain tucked in his collar. And beside him was a girl. Hair jet black, a matching black mini dress, paired with sandals. They were kissing. Hot. Heavy. His hand gripping her hair, the other on his thigh. When they seperated, she touched his lips and you felt yourself having a stroke. The giggled at each other and Matthew kissed her cheek.

“It’s about one-thirty, right?” Claire asked you, her sight not moving.

You gulped. There was an ache in your chest that made it hard to speak. But you took a deep breath, and release the words, “Yeah. Let’s go home.”

Claire walked around you, heading towards the exit, and you followed. The two of you walked home, silent, arms over each other’s shoulders. In the room, Claire dropped her stuff to the floor, kicked her shoes off and sat on her bed. You rushed into the space, approached your nightstand and rummaged through it.

“What are you doing, [y/n]?”

“I’m packing a bowl,” you replied, grabbing your herbs, a lighter and the bowl.

“Right now? In here?” She gasped.

“Is that okay?”

She sighed, “Yeah. Come share.”

The two of you sat on her bed, thirty minutes later, laying against the wall with your heads staring at the ceiling. Your eyelids were lowered, red, and your breathing was slow.

“I’m hungry,” Claire said, texting on her phone. “Do we have gummy bears? I want gummy bears. But haribo gummy bears. Not those knocks off we used to buy. And some soda. Soda would be so good right now. My mouth is so dry.”

You stayed quiet, eyes focused on the lights overhead. You couldn’t get the image out of your mind. Matthew. And that girl. Kissing. Touching.

“Her name is Veronica,” Claire said.

You turned your hear to her, “Huh?”

“Her name is Veronica,” she repeated. “Or Roni for short.” She rolled her eyes. “She, uh, she’s from Vegas. She went to school with...Gube, actually. They dated.”

“Oh...” you nodded. “Are you...are you okay?”

“I — I, yeah, I’m fine,” she shrugged. “It’s just...really inconvenient of him to go back to her right now.”

“Back to her?”

“They’re together. They’re dating. Apparently they got back together this summer.”

You furrowed your eyebrows together, a thousand thoughts running through your mind at once. “What do you think about that?” Claire asked.

“Uh...” You shrugged. “I’m surprised anyone actually touches that boy,” you laughed, the sound coming out broken and sad.

“Yeah...well...Misty says Roni is a big one for Gube. That, um, necklace he wears? She gave it to him years ago. He never took it off.”

You nodded, “Yeah,” your voice cracked. “Well, that’s...that’s some heavy fixation there.”

“[y/n]...”

“I should shower. I’m gonna shower.” You went to get off the bed, but Claire grabbed your wrist. You turned to her, and she pushed your hair out of your face.

“I’m really upset about this, kid,” she said. “Can you...can you just lay with me for a bit?”

You sighed, gave her a small smile and leaned in to hug her. She held you close, placing one hand on your head and the other on your rest. And she let you rest your head on her chest, as you let silent tears roll down your cheeks.

Monday morning, you got up at 5 in the morning. You spent 2 hours in the ballet studio, twirling and dancing until your feet went numb. When you returned home, Claire was still asleep and you took a quick shower. You tried on ten different outfits, applied makeup, spent a long time on your hair. You made breakfast, checked for any assignments, surfed social media. And still had an hour before class.

You chose to walk around campus, locate all your classes, grab some coffee, and then you headed to your first class. Walking through the building, you sipped on your drink, moving absentmindedly roaming the halls. Suddenly, a hand reached out and pulled you into a storage closet. Your scream was cut short, and you jumped as the door closed behind you.

You looked up at see Matthew staring at you, a soft smile on his face. “Hey.”

“I’m going to class,” you muttered, turning to exit the room. But Matthew put his hand on the door knob to stop you.

“Wait, wait,” he pleaded. “Um, do I see you at the party —“

“Yep,” you nodded, not making eye contact with him.

“So...then, you saw me at the party with—“

“Yep.”

“Okay...[y/n]...”

“I really have to go to class, so, thanks for the detour, but I’m leaving now.” You removed his hand from the knob and left the closet, not looking back.

You walked into your classroom, swallowing to get rid of the weird feeling in your throat. You set your bag down and took a seat. You attempted to shake Matthew out of your mind, the smell of him, the sight of him, the tension of being so close to him. But it was hard. It may have been the hardest thing ever.

“Well, well, well,” a voice called to you. “Guess I got lucky, huh?”

You looked up to see Alex, giving you a toothy grin and a look of pure joy. “Alex,” you breathed. “Hi. This is awesome, you’re in here?”

“Yeah,” he took a seat beside you. “Haven’t seen you much since freshman year. This is nice.”

“It sure is.”

So.

Remember number eight on your list of atrocities against Matthew Gubler?

Fucked his friend. While said friend was supposed to help Matthew with his project.

Alex would be the friend. He was gorgeous and kind and so good in bed. You first met in a cinematography class freshman year, where he very boldly asked if you wanted to hang out some time. You smiled, said yes, and that led to the aforementioned sexual encounter. It only happened a handful of times, until the semester was over. Then you didn’t see each other as often.

But he was here now. He was here and he was flirting with you. You were flirting back. You were hurt and upset and confused and so fucking horny, you could burst. So, after classes, you reached out to him and asked if he could help you with a pre class assignment. He told you to come over. You did.

You didn’t work on the assignment though.

Starting off pretty hot and heavy, it was a few weeks of meaningless sex until he asked you out. Claire cheered when she heard the news, causing you to give her a confused look. “Why are you so happy that I have a date?” You giggled.

“Oh...I just — Alex is cute! He’s great, I always wondered what happened to him. You said he was good in the sack and he was always sweet to you. I’m just, so glad you’re happy.”

You gave her a faux smile, “Yeah. I’m happy.”

Alex’s friend was having a birthday party at his apartment, and Alex insisted you come. Said it was the only way he’d be able to have any fun when everyone got too drunk. You agreed, and when he picked you up that night, you were dressed in a purple romper and diamond earrings.

“You look beautiful,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss you.

“Thank you,” you smiled. “You look beautiful, too.”

He held your hand as he drove to the apartment, as you got out the car, walked up the stairs, entered the living space. He introduced you to everyone you met, his arm around you proudly and your head nuzzled into his chest.

Watching you across the room was a very irritated Matthew Gubler, who sat with Veronica on his lap and a beer in his hand. You didn’t notice Matthew’s presence for a long time, considering the fact that he was avoiding you, and you were more focused on Alex.

While talking to Alex’s friends, you excused yourself to go to the bathroom. You strolled down the hallway, searching for the restroom.

“[y/n]!”

You turned around, confused. Matthew marched up to you, his hands in his pocket, his face determined.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” you told him, and continued to walk.

He followed you. “So, you dating Alex now?”

“That’s not really your business, now is it?”

He grabbed onto your arm and pulled your body into his, hiding you two behind a corner. “No, but it bugs me.”

“It bugs you?”

“It bugs me. I don’t want you with Alex. Alex is a dick.”

“Well, not to me—“

Matthew leaned down and kissed you, his hands tightened on your waist. He kissed you like he was starving, mouth open, breath heavy.

You pushed him away, your eyes closed in shock and ecstasy. No, no, you thought. “Matthew—“

“Let’s leave,” he interjected.

“Huh?”

“Let’s leave. Me and you. Let’s go.”

“No,” you snapped.

“Why not?”

“Because, I’m here with Alex! And you’re here with...her, so, no. I’m staying here, with the guy I came with.”

“C’mon—“

“Matthew, no! No! Are you deaf? Are you dumb? Leave me alone, and go back to your girlfriend.” You suddenly didn’t have to pee anymore, so you returned to Alex and his group of friends. Matthew watched as you took a seat in Alex’s lap, and you pretended not to notice.

There was radio silence for months. Matthew even removed you on snapchat, and for your sanity, you ignored it. You continued a casual relationship with Alex, and he continued to worship the ground you walked on. A vast change in pace from Matthew. Claire pushed for the Alex relationship hardcore, saying hi to him when came over, giving you guys time alone, tagging alone with you two to parties.

But every once in a while, you thought about Matthew. When you saw a particular movie, or heard one of his favorite bands, right after you would have sex. And especially on Halloween. Over the summer, he told you all about his costume plans, party plans, and movie marathons he was going to have. And for some reason, like a clown, you just assumed you’d be with him when it happened.

By the time final exams were over, you and Alex considered yourselves exclusive. You strolled into the end of the year party, holding hands and laughing. You’d fallen into a good groove with his friends. They all liked you, you liked them, and you enjoyed their company. While sitting with them, one pulled out a joint, lit it and began to pass it around.

“Want a hit?” Alex asked.

“She’s pretty tiny. Can she handle it?” A friend said.

You glared at her and took the paper between your lips, inhaling and holding a large amount of smoke. She watched in amazement as you exhaled through your nose, “Well...I stand corrected, princess.”

You took in a sharp breath of air.

And that was just the beginning of the spiral.

You stayed in rotation of the weed for a long time, until your thoughts were nothing but a mess of words racing everywhere. Your eyes felt heavy, so did your body. And you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

You were wondering was there ever really a connection or were you just highly sexually compatible? Did Matthew ever have feelings for you or did he just want one thing? Why does kissing him and fucking him and just talking to him feel so different? How come when everything falls apart, you want Matthew? How come when everything is going well, you want Matthew? Need to talk to Matthew. Where’s Matthew? Where’s Matthew?

“[y/n]!” Alex called. “You’re high as fuck,” he laughed. “What are you thinking about?”

Matthew.

“Come here,” and he pulled you into a kiss. And when you pulled away, feeling nothing, nothing at all, you realized you needed Matthew. You needed to feel something. But Matthew wasn’t here. And you wish he was here. Where’s Matthew?

Tears were springing to your eyes, but you quickly began to cough, distracting yourself with a new sensation. You rose to your feet, and exited the room, much to Alex’s disapproval. He watched you rush past him, his face laced with confusion.

Everyone you passed by looked like Matthew. Why did everyone look like Matthew? You missed Matthew. And this was unfair. You wiped at the tears in your eyes, but they were already gliding down your cheeks. They burned your skin and it made you cry more. You were blinded. And way too high to notice Matthew - the real Matthew - entering the hallway.

His eyes were redder than red, a lot like yours. His movements were slow. But something told him to reach out for you. Like a magnet. And you fell into his arms. It took him a whole second to realize it was you, but he did.

“[y/n]?” he whispered. “Oh, my God, [y/n]. What’s wrong? What happened?” His hands moved to cup your face, his thumbs wiping the tears on your cheek.

“[y/n]!” Oh, no. Alex. “What are you doing? Where are you going?”

At that point, you looked up at Matthew. Focused in on him. Said his name. But his attention had turned to Alex. And he was pissed. You could tell.

“Wait, wait, Matthew, wait,” you pleaded.

“What the hell did you do to her?” He shouted, holding you close.

“Wait, Matthew, he didn’t—“

“Gube, let her go, dude!.” Alex snapped, reaching for your arm.

And that sent Matthew through the roof. He released you from his arms and moved towards Alex, delivering a swift punch to his face. You’d never seen Matthew so much as cuss someone out, so this. This. This was hard to register. Nonetheless, you screamed his name, attempting to push both of them away from the brawl. But it was useless.

Two guys had to step in and separate Alex and Matthew, pulling them to opposing sides of the hallway. And you had to decide who to follow. It wasn’t a hard decision to make.

You kept a good 100 feet behind Matthew the whole time, watching him stomp his way to his residence hall. You knew exactly how to get into the building, but weren’t sure you should. You’d never seen him so angry. So red. So primal.

But, Matthew.

Oh, God, Matthew. What would you say? What would you do? Did he want to see you? Did he want to be alone? Was his roommate there? You paced for 20 minutes, freezing your ass off outside the dormitory. Your mind was made up when you found the side entrance and let yourself in, marching up the steps. Now or never. Now or never. And you needed to see Matthew now.

You perched yourself in front of his door, paused, and proceeded to knock with full force. “Be home, be home, be home,” you whispered.

He was home.

He came to the door, shirtless, his face bruised, his hair tasseled, and that stupid, ridiculous gold chain around his neck. And you’d never wanted to suck a dick so badly in your entire life. You instantly imagined grabbing him, kissing him, pulling him close. But you didn’t do that. You stood there, looking like an idiot, until he spoke.

“What are you doing here, [y/n]?”

You hadn’t even thought about it. It just felt right to follow him. “I—I wanted...I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

He shrugged, “I’m alright.” His face was stern. Stoic. No emotion showed on his features and it made you sick.

“Oh,” you said. “Okay.”

You stared at each other for a long time. You just wanted him to say it. Ask you to stay. Ask you to come in. To admit it. But he wouldn’t. So you had to walk away.

“Okay,” you nodded, sadly, and ducked your head as you headed towards the exit. “Okay.” You sniffled, patting at your eyes as they watered.

Matthew watched you go. His bottom lip caught between his teeth, his shoulders relaxing as he exhaled. “[y/n],” he called.

You’d stopped in your tracks.

“You...you were pretty stoned at the party,” he told you. “Are you sober?”

You turned your body to face him. You thought about his eyes. How red they were. How slow he moved. How you had both been utterly and totally high as hell. “I’m sober,” you said. Honestly. After all of tonight’s events, and the sheer shock of seeing Matthew, being so close to him again, you had sobered up. “Believe me, I’m sober. Are you?”

Matthew licked him lips, nodding as he sighed. He stepped out into the hallway, and pushed the door to his dorm open. He signaled for you to enter.

You gave him a quick and sad smile, and you avoided eye contact with him as you stepped into the empty room. He led the way to his private room, and let you in, closing the door behind you. You kept your back to him, arms crossed over your chest.

He sighed, “I’m—Veronica and I broke up. Actually, she broke up with me...again. So, y’know, it wasn’t much of a surprise, but—“

“Matthew,” you cut him off, turning to him. “I need a favor.”

He hesitated, then his voice was strong, “Anything.”

“I leave for home next week for Christmas break. And since, I can’t seem to figure out what the hell about you is driving me insane, Matthew Gubler, I’m going to need time. Space. If you need time and space. So, you need to make that decision.”

“Okay.”

“But right now, take your clothes off,” you ordered.

“Okay.”

He stared at you lustfully, just like you wanted, his body moving on autopilot to remove his shorts and boxers. You mirrored his movements, and took off your dress, subsequently tossing your bra and panties onto the floor. He grabbed onto your body and kissed you, one hand tangled in your hair and the other gripping your waist. He pushed you back onto his bed, falling on top of you and kissing your neck. You held onto his torso as he made way to your collarbone, nibbling on it lightly. He pulled away and gropped your breasts, massaging them with his fingers.

He was practically drooling over them, his eyes focused solely on your boobs. He leaned down and sucked on your nipple, while his hand slid down between your legs. He felt around your core, and slowly slid two fingers into you. You threw your head back, and moaned.

Matthew kissed a trail from your breast to your hips. He began to kiss your inner thighs, kneeling down in front of you and pulling you up to his face. He pressed his tongue against your clit, working his muscle in an up and down motion. You moved your hips against his face and his fingers, gasping weakly. You forgot how good his mouth felt, but this was huge, huge reminder. You gripped onto his hair and swore under your breath.

He noticed your thighs tightening around his face, and increased his intensity and speed. Your back arched off of the mattress, you whimpered into your mouth, and your chest was heaving. You let out a long groan as you came on his face, your entire body tensing up. He withdrew his fingers from you, and licked up from your core to your navel to your breasts. He kissed your neck, then your lips. And he sucked his fingers clean, holding eye contact with you.

Overwhelmed, you pulled him in by his face and kissed him passionately. He grunted against your lips, rubbing his cock on your core. He pushed into you, his jaw dropping and his forehead against yours. You wrapped your legs around his waist and this encouraged him to thrust into you. Matthew held you in his arms, moaning into your ear as he moved his hips.

You kissed his jaw, sucking on the skin until you felt it pulse between your lips. You could feel his muscles moving under your palms, and his cock striking a sensitive spot inside of you. It felt like you were crumbling, getting weaker by the second. But when you felt the chain hitting your chin, you wired back to life. You gripped onto the necklace and twisted it around your fingers, angrily biting your lip.

As he slammed into you, you muttered a soft “fuck!” and yanked on the chain. It popped off of his neck, and it was cathartic. You moaned and threw it to a far corner of the room. You reached down and rubbed your clit quickly, panting as Matthew’s body began to tremble. He kept his gaze focused on you as you let him fuck you into another orgasm, and your hips rolled against his in an eager rhythm.

“Oh, fuck!” Matthew exclaimed, pulling out of you just in time. He released himself onto your stomach, moaning and gasping for air.

The mattress creaked as he laid down beside you, collapsing with a thud. The two of you stared at the ceiling, naked and breathy and covered in sweat. You rested your hand on Matthew’s chest, and he intertwined your fingers.

The next week, you were headed to the train station to get home for Christmas. Not knowing what to say to each, Matthew and you hadn’t talked since last week. You sat in the back of an uber, your suitcase at your side, when your phone vibrated in your lap. You picked it up and recognized Matthew’s name flashing on your screen.

You sighed, swiped to answer, and held the phone to your ear, “Hello?”

“I don’t want space.”

“I—“ You stuttered.

“I want as little space as possible.”

You were stunned, quiet, “Okay.”

The line went dead, and you set your phone down. You bit down on your lip. But the smile was still clear.

[PART 5.]

#mine #college!matthew #esny #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler smut #matthew gray gubler imagine #mgg #mgg smut #mgg imagine

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neighborhood-goblin · 4 years ago

Text

Lmao remember that COF College AU

Finally decided majors and details for some of the characters I plan to include XD

My first time using a cut lol

Tristan

Business Major

Cassian absolutely wants him to inherit the family business

Tris isn’t so thrilled by that

Sev and him are roommates

Neither of them can cook anything other than ramen or pizza rolls

Sometimes they order pizza

Disaster bi on so many levels

Went to one GSA club meeting but then noped right back into the closet

Not out to Cassian or most of his friends yet

The only person who knows is Sev

Has a brown tabby cat named Rex

duh

lmao going back through there’s like nothing here

they def got longer as they went on

Nyk

Linguistics, Interpretation, and Translation Major

(In HOF she is really interested in the Pyrean language and lore so I thought it fit)

Was homeless for a while

Ran away as soon as she graduated high school

(She couldn’t be around Val any longer)

Applied for a lot of scholarships and was able to gather enough money to attend college

Roommates with Sparrow

Helps Sparrow get to her classes sometimes

Elliot, Riella, and Kade come over to their dorm a lot

Elliot cooks for them

Probs gonna be bi and genderfluid in this au

Has a calico cat named Xephyra

Phyrie for short

Is a part of the GSA club

The GSA club consists of Anders, Elliot, Sparrow, and Kade

Sev

Fine Arts Major

Is really good at drawing but also likes painting and sculpting, too

Roommates with Tristan

Would rather die than ask Tris to get something off of a high shelf for him

He’s 5′3″ (160.02 cm)

Def petite

Tris put a whiteboard on the fridge to write shopping lists on but now they both just use it to write notes to each other

“Saw u staring at Nyk earlier HMMMMMM”

“stfu like you weren’t ogling that dude she was with”

Disaster gay but everyone just assumes he’s straight like ????

After his parents died he bounced around a few foster homes but was adopted by a doctor named Hestia when he was fifteen

He loves his mama and visits her on weekends

The food he brings back to the dorm is the only good stuff he and Tris ever eat

Knows Kade but only a little

All of my modern Sev hcs still apply

Kade

Veterinary Medicine Major

Shares the same major as Sparrow and they’re decent friends

He helps Sparrow get to the classes they share when Nyk can’t

Loves animals and is planning to adopt a doggie soon

Roommates with Elliot and Riella

He lived in a really crappy place before he became friends with Riella

The sibs invited him to move in with them (Kade also obviously helps with rent)

Became good friends with Nyk and he and the sibs spend a lot of time at her/his dorm

Used to shadow Hestia at the clinic (before he decided he wanted to be a vet and not a people doctor) and she gushed all the time about her son

He met Sev and def thinks Sev is adorable

Has also seen Sev around campus but hasn’t worked up the courage to talk to him yet

Demi and gay

Is a part of the GSA club

Thinks Anders is funny

Almost no one agrees

Elliot

Culinary Arts Major

Idk it just came to me and I was like “might as well”

Cooks for Riella, Kade, Nyk, and Sparrow regularly

Has a golden retriever named Jax

Jax is crazy

He gets the zoomies

Jax is usually wary of strangers but he’s warmed up to Riella, Kade, Nyk, and is close with Sparrow

Aroace

Attends GSA

Regularly tells Anders where he can shove his musical numbers and snide comments

Roommates with Riella and Kade

Took online classes until Riella graduated so they could move together

Met Kade through Riella

Can’t handle spicy food and is appalled by the fact that Kade, Riella, and Sparrow are all fueled by eating the spiciest things possible

Refuses to eat anything with pepper on it, but keeps a shaker for his friends and sister

Nyk and him bond over being unable to tolerate anything hotter than a hot tamale candy

Likes driving

Owns a minivan

It’s unclear as to why he needs a minivan he just has one

He named it Elliot jr. as a joke once but now no one lets him forget it

Is super ultimate BFFs with Sparrow

Helps her around campus when Nyk and Kade can’t

Sparrow

Veterinary Medicine Major

Nyk, Kade, and Elliot help her around campus (still blind and thriving)

Owns a parrot named Chirp and guide dog that everyone is 95% sure is just a wolf that Sparrow illegally bought a service animal vest for

No one knows the name of the dog

Sparrow claims that Chirp can talk but only does it in front of her

Sometimes Elliot will also claim that he’s heard Chirp talk but no one can tell if he’s telling the truth or not (He’s not even sure at this point)

Lesbian ace and is highkey dating Riella

Elliot pretends it annoys him but secretly he’s thrilled because he adores the both of them (he’d never reveal this but Sparrow knows anyway)

Attends GSA

Brings her animals

Chirp usually just sits on her shoulder, and the dog at her feet

Has super unruly hair

Only a select few are permitted to touch it: Elliot, Riella, and Nyk

Nyk will braid it sometimes, but Sparrow usually likes to have it free

Roommates with Nyk

Nyk decorated their room super cute, fairylights strung all around it and polaroids on the walls (though I guess she can’t see them rip)

Nyk loves Sparrow’s animals, and the animals get a long great with Phyrie (except for one time that Phyrie attacked Chirp but that doesn’t happen anymore)

Riella

Dance Major

Not much is known about Riella but I just thought this’d be a cool major for her

idk she gives off ballerina vibes for some reason

Sapphic and dating Sparrow

Roommates with Elliot and Kade

All three of them share a bookshelf and love talking about books

They also play video games a lot together

Minecraft is not a competition but do not play with the three of them they will win

They share an ACNH island on the switch they pooled money for

Loves having her hair in french braids

Nyk usually braids it for her before classes

Ig Nyk just braids everyone’s hair smh

Wears rompers everywhere

Met Kade when a creepy dude approached her on her way to a class and Kade pretended to know her to get her away from the creepy dude

He started walking her to that class just in case and they became friends

Anders

Performing Arts Major

Super dramatic and way into theater

Has been out of the closet for years as genderqueer and pan (Prefers he/him pronouns; he’s used them all his life and he’s used to them)

Goes to GSA club and loves telling obnoxious stories

Has hinted at being in a relationship but no one knows who it is, and the club tries to find out sometimes (It’s Latham)

Grew up with Latham and they started dating when they were seventeen

Latham isn’t out of the closet yet, so he asked Anders to keep it a secret

Anders doesn’t mind at all, he’s just happy to be with the boy he loves :)

Was a part of marching band in high school, and still practices his trumpet in his free time

Regularly texts everyone a gross amount of emojis

Latham and him moved in together when they graduated and started going to college

Latham does all the cooking

The last time Anders attempted to cook anything, the pan caught on fire (the cooking pan not Anders) (XDDD) (I think I’m hilarious)

He’s not allowed to cook anymore

They each have their own beds but usually sleep in the same one when they don’t have guests (they are both huge cuddlers) (Anders is the little spoon)

Has a pet snake because he lives to be extra (It’s a ball python)

(I can’t remember what Anders’ phoenix is named so the snake is nameless for now)

Latham

Pre-Law Studies Major

Wants to become a lawyer

Absolutely talks crap about everyone he knows with Anders

Identifies as queer but is closeted

His family are all very religious and anti-LGBTQ+ so he’s scared to come out to them

The only person who knows is Anders

His father in particular scares him

His dad really doesn’t approve of Latham being ‘friends’ with Anders, ever since Anders came out publicly

Is decent at cooking (nowhere near as good as Elliot)

Doesn’t have a lot of friends

Kind of knows Tristan and Elliot but not really

Has a Pomeranian named Xane

He’s obsessed w/ little dogs

#Crown of Feathers #hope u guys like it #homophobia tw #caps tw

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gayenerd · 4 years ago

Text

Green Day Deals with the "Rock Star" Dookie

by Tom Lanham

(First appeared in BAM Magazine, March 10, 1995)

Young, loud, and snotty equals beaucoup bucks? What pencil-pushing, graph-charting trend spotter could've predicted it? But the facts speak for themselves: As of late February, Dookie--the brattish, snap 'n' snarl Reprise salvo from Berkeley's sloppy punk trio, Green Day--has sold six million copies. Six million. Chances are, somebody on your block is jumping up and down in his living room at this very moment to the scrap-metal power chords and ardent apathy of "Longview," "Burnout," "Basket Case," or "When I Come Around" and getting lost in the teen abandon of these testy 22-year-olds--weasel-voiced, Montgomery-Clift-like charismatic singer/guitarist Billie Joe; tom-tom tribal percussionist Tre Cool (of the ever-morphing hair-color fame); and bassist Mike Dirnt (who survived Green Day's appearance at Woodstock '94, although several of his teeth did not).

Yes, punk rock is a marketable phenomenon these days, leaving many involved with the music's initial late-'70s, early-'80s wave scratching their heads, wondering why it didn't take the first time around. Public reaction started as curiosity ("Hey, honey, c'mere and lookit these goofy, green-haired little whippersnappers in an insane asylum on MTV!"), but spiraled up to rock-diet necessity (Green Day just won Grammy and they're nominated for quite a few Bammies as well, including such categories as Outstanding Group, Outstanding Album, and Outstanding Song--"Longview" and "Basket Case"). The fact that they've been nominated at all probably sends a shiver up the old dinosaur backbones of Eddie Money, Huey Lewis, and Boz Scaggs, a time-creepy feeling of "Gee, what the hell do we do now?" Because this isn't just some flash-in-the-pan punk movement, folks--this is a youth movement; Green Day are, as they hiply term it, "bored in the 'burbs," and reaching out, through TV and radio, like some prodigal preachers to other American kids who sense the same slacker ennui. Obviously, we're talking truckloads of kids.

Ironically, the more fame edges into the Green Day ruffians' lives, the more mature they seem to become. They've turned down all interview requests as of late, even People magazine, preferring to lay low until this tide of interest recedes. Billie Joe got married last autumn, and spent his honeymoon--not in any exotic, expensive locale--but in Berkeley's grand old Claremont Hotel. Cool recently became a father, and Billie Joe's child is due any day now. It's a responsibility they've both eagerly undertaken. Rob Cavallo, the boys' coproducer and A&R man at Reprise, swears they're "old souls, the smartest young kids I've ever met." It rings true.

The first time I spoke with Green Day, in January of '94, Cool, Dirnt, and Billie Joe were lazing around their dingy basement apartment in Berkeley, sitting on chairs and couches with potentially painful springs poking through. Rock 'n' roll bubblegum cards were scattered across a coffee table, along with several bongs of various sizes, plus a four-and-a-half foot red plastic pipe dubbed "Bongzilla" leaned against a doorway. The only wall decoration, besides a Ren & Stimpy poster, was a Twister game mat nailed up in its entirety, presumably for high-schoolish humor's sake.

When I'd met Billie Joe a few months earlier at a campus concert, his hair was dyed lime-green and featured squidlike tufts. Now it was dark brown, with only two tufts remaining, and both his ears and nose had piercings. Periodically during the interview, he'd ram a finger into that pierced nostril, rummage around, then stare idly at the resultant booger before flicking it on to the carpet. Cool wandered out of the rec room for several minutes, but returned, red-eyed, to proudly proclaim, "Lookit me! I'm stoned, dude!" Dirnt--when he wasn't strumming an acoustic guitar--kept watching their windowsill Sea Monkey tank, finally noting, "Hey, these Sea Monkeys look just like sperm!"

Despite all these schoolboy, poo-poo wit trappings (dookie, after all, is kiddie slang for excrement), there was a sense of seasoned wisdom about them, a feeling that they were, as Cavallo postulated, truly old souls. Like the class clown who frustrates all of his teachers by also maintaining a 4.0 grade average, Green Day can afford to play because their work--brilliantly skewed three-minute pop songs, delivered with such vehemence and vitriol you don't dare doubt them--certainly speaks for itself. But, sooner or later, of course, the band has to speak for itself, too, so what follows is a set of excerpts from that first ratty-digs meeting, as well as a later chat with Billie Joe, sans sidekicks. How did Green Day take over the rock world in less than a year? That's the six-million-copy question, and hopefully we'll provide a few answers.

* * *

So punk is back, whether America likes it or not?

BILLIE JOE: It's always been around, and everyone has their own interpretation of it. It's weird to actually call it "punk" again, when it's been there all the time.

MIKE DIRNT: It's been springing up in little suburban areas, where people grab it and express themselves.

TRE COOL: It's people who make a point of setting aside all responsibilities and just playing music. And doing fat joint after fat joint--you have to let go of things like paying rent, going to school, having a job.

BJ: And, if you can't tell by my house, we don't have a very high standard of living.

How does today's punk rock differ from its late-'70s cousin?

BJ: I think it was all about art and fashion back then, really, because everyone who was a punk in England was in art school. I read an early interview with Dee Dee Ramone, where he said he wished the Ramones had more of a glamorous appeal, too, instead of playing in jeans and leather jackets. But it was definitely about fashion, until the Clash really brought out the political side. Our music came from being bored in the 'burbs. You get put in this high school situation, where you're learning someone else's rules in a room with 30 other people that you don't really like. There's nothing interesting about it whatsoever, so you pick up a guitar instead.

But you all tried college, at least for awhile, right?

MD: And then we started touring. Constantly.

TC: So most of our reading now comes from highway signs.

MD: It's the old grasshopper and the ant story. The thought of actually working is just so...

TC: Sickening!

MD: Yeah. So we put everything we had into not working. This is what I do best, and I was always told, "If you're gonna do something, do it the best you can." So why not do the best thing you can, too?

You guys--at least Mike and Billie Joe--have known each other since you were 10?

BJ: And the first conversation we ever had was about writing songs. And then we just started playing music.

A lot of the stuff on your early Lookout! records shows what was on your mind at the time--namely, girls.

BJ: That was pretty much the viewpoint of a 16-year-old kid. I don't write stuff like that anymore. The new songs are more about coming of age and being apathetic and neurotic.

Where were your parents when you were touring [at age 16]?

MD: At work, doing their own thing.

BJ: My mom's worked a waitress job for like the past 40 years or something, and whatever I was doing was OK with her.

MD: I moved out when I was 15, and I worked all the way through high school.

BJ: And me, I've never held a job longer than two weeks. I tried to flip pizzas--it didn't work. I tried cleaning toilets in the Red Onion in El Sobrante. Me and TrŽ, we used to work for the SF Chronicle, selling papers. I sold three the first day, and the next day we just smoked pot, and we smoked pot the next day after that. So we had hella extra papers lying around. Our ultimate goal wasn't to get rich or famous or anything like that. It was to not have a regular job and not be miserable.

MD: And I've lived in every city around here, except for Albany. Literally. And one thing we want to establish about ourselves is that we're just a bunch of geeks from the suburbs.

Well, one of the first times I saw you, you guys were closing your set with Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger." That's pretty geeky.

MD: I grew up on radio--that's all I had. When I was a little kid, I couldn't afford records. I'll tell you, I've been down to a dollar in my pocket a lot of times. I've even lived in my truck. I can remember shooting rats with a BB gun in the flat we used to live in, before they'd make it to our food.

BJ: I've always been really good about saving. If I got some money, I'd put it away instead of spending it, and I'd buy ramen.

Why name your disc Dookie?

TC: Warner's said we could do anything we want, as long as we didn't say "Cop Killer."

BJ: Somebody told our manager that the ad for it was the most tasteless thing they'd ever seen in Billboard magazine.

What exactly do you mean on Dookie by "Welcome to Paradise"?

BJ, MD, TC [in unison]: West Oakland!

MD: Living in West Oakland, and going out to parties every night.

So it cost, what, around $100,000 to make Dookie?

MD: Yeah. We kept the advances low, because you gotta pay all that shit back. Everyone knows you can't become an instant millionaire just by signing, because there are so many people that want a piece of you.

BJ: We hang out with mostly punks though, and they don't want anything we have. They could care less. And a lot of our friends don't even agree with us being on a major label.

Is Green Day angry?

BJ: No, I'm not angry, like, walking around all the time with a frown on my face. But the way my music is interpreted is very angry.

MD: When you feel really strongly about something, you want to let it out in the most powerful way possible.

Like the way you baited your old high school principal from the Warfield stage recently?

MD: I think he was an asshole. He treated me with no respect. And for high school initiation, we got our heads shaved--that's the kind of small-town shit we had to deal with! Sometimes they made you push a penny up the street with your nose. But that's life, and anywhere you go, you're gonna hate a lot of shit in your life. You'll be handed

Dookie?

MD: Yeah. Yeah, you'll be handed dookie through all parts of your life. And see, what you need to do is just deal with the dookie, build upon what you have, and make something out of the dookie, you know? Like an adobe dookie building!

* * *

Several months later, and Dookie is oozing its gooey way into the public consciousness big time. The fading summer heat sticks crackling to the Berkeley sidewalks as punks--many sporting monstrous green or fuchsia mohawks--zing by on skateboards by day, and huddle in Telegraph Avenue doorways by night, conserving feral body heat the whole time. It feels like another world here, a throwback to the Bay Area's DIY/hardcore scene of the early '80s, when squatters reigned supreme and burlesque Broadway--fueled by all-ages shows at the Mabuhay Gardens, On Broadway, and even an occasional GBH or UK Subs booking at the Stone--made weekend conversions to "Punk Playground, USA." It was the best of times; it was the worst of times--despite relentless touring, most of these bands sold bupkus in the way of records, and few, save Metallica, ever held pen in shaky hand over a major-label contract.

Billie Joe saunters into the Berkeley coffeehouse in rumpled jeans and a grease-spattered flannel shirt; his once-green-and-tufty tresses have grown out into Wally Cleaver waves and been dyed a Rod Stewarty blond. He looks like one of those feisty punks of yore; like he could hold his own through sheer physical endurance in the wildest of thrash pits. There's a new authority about him, the way he strides confidently to the counter, orders a pint-size glass of coffee, then swims through a sea of late-lunching yuppies to grab a table. The singer doesn't seem to notice them at all. Or maybe he's just too tired from nonstop touring to really give a shit. He smiles a goofy grin, revealing a set of generally crooked or chipped choppers, with an entire half of one front tooth missing. But there's such charisma behind it, the same kind of "Who, me?" innocence that little kids use. Billie Joe, you might say, has quickly become the Bart Simpson of the alternative set.

How else could you explain his uncensored performance at a certain outdoor arena where--in a hyperspeed set lasting only 30 minutes before management threatened to pull the plug--he a) unzipped his fly and paraded his privates around for all to see; b) handed a stunned fan his beat-up, sticker-plastered guitar and urged him to play it; c) destroyed a $600 microphone by smashing it into the stage, then destroyed a second mike he was handed as well; and d) encouraged half the venue to chant, "Rock 'n' roll!" and the other half to respond with, "Shut the fuck up!" He then closed the show with a proposition--"They'll be really angry with us, but what we could do is rip out the seats!" he told the audience, which promptly gave Green Day a standing ovation. Billie Joe not only shrugs off such shenanigans as artistic license, he gets away with them! He's even encouraged to continue by fans who empathize with his uppity "fuck authority" attitude.

But the facts were all on the table as Billie Joe sipped his house blend that afternoon, and it didn't take a fortune teller to read 'em. Green Day was hitting big time. Fast. And the sheer enormity of the undertaking, the weight of all its accordant responsibility, was just beginning to hit him. He looked older, wiser, and spoke in more grownup tones about his future, which then included a pending marriage to longtime girlfriend Adrienne. You could practically feel this new maturity encircling him like some protective aura.

* * *

=Where do all these punks on Telegraph come from? They can't all be local and homeless.

I think Telegraph has just become this cultural mecca for punk rockers, because most of 'em who are on the Avenue aren't even from here. They're from Arizona, Minneapolis, New York, Florida. They just come out and end up squatting in houses in Berkeley. Why here? It's the climate, and the scene itself--Gilman Street and Maximum Rock 'n' Roll are in this area, and have a link to each other. But at the same time, it's separated, because there are so many different factions of punk now. There are the squatters, the pop-cores, the mods, the crusties. And all these types of people come out just to check it out. Plus, there's the best coffee in Berkeley, and a lot of 'em are real super coffee-drinkers, just pounding cup after cup all the time. It's pretty rare to come across a punk who doesn't drink coffee. I can't drink too much coffee myself--it gives me the shakes at night, so I just have a little bit during the day. Then I can smoke dope and go to bed.

=What's the attraction in squatting or homelessness for these kids?

For a lot of 'em, it's the first sense of freedom that they've had. It's like, "You mean I don't have to be home by midnight?" They've pretty much told their families and schools to go fuck themselves, so they go off and do their own thing. When I was 17, I did the same thing. And I had this total sense of freedom, where no one's telling you what to do, you don't have a clock to punch in on, you don't have people breathing down your neck; you don't have any deadlines to meet. You have this endless schedule where you can stay up all night drinking with your friends, or do anything you want.

=But isn't "Coming Clean" about leaving behind your wilder ways?

It's also about coming to grips with your sexuality. There's one line, "Skeletons come to life in my closet." And it's like, "Am I homosexual or heterosexual?" You go through this adolescent stage in your life where you don't really know what you are, and one side is taboo because your parents brought you up to think being gay was wrong. And if you come to grips with yourself, that you happen to be gay or bi or whatever, well, that was one thing about punk that was so accepting--all creeds were welcome, all sexualities, everything.

=Was this something you went through personally?

Yeah, to a certain extent. But I don't want to go around waving a gay flag or anything.

=Well, you had a beautiful girl on your arm backstage at the last Green Day show.

That's Adrienne. She's cool. Actually, we're engaged. That's why it took me so long getting here today--I had to get this! [Rolls sleeve up on tattooed arm, points to a bandaged-on cotton swab] Blood test, dude! We're getting married next week!

=Has anybody tried to tell you you're too young for such a serious move?

Of course. There are a lot of people who've said stuff. My parents have been a little more understanding than her parents. I just called my mom yesterday and said, "Mom, I'm gettin' married," and she said, "That's fine, son. Have fun!" I can hardly surprise my mother nowadays. But [this relationship] has been a recurring thing for the past four years, and we just decided to get serious about it. She's coming out here, and we're moving in together, so it's like, "Why not?" I don't really have any wild oats to sow, or anything like that. I'm not into the "Gettin' chicks all the time" thing.

=I know a lot of girls who'll be really bummed that you're gittin' hitched. They all seem to have developed a crush on you...

Me?! It must be the teeth [grins again].

=OK, so maybe you didn't brush often enough when you were young. But you were busy developing a direction...

I wouldn't necessarily say I had a direction or anything. I just knew I wanted to write songs. It comes from...uh...I don't know. I have no idea. It wasn't any kind of cosmic force or anything like that; it was just a matter of having a guitar around and wanting to play it all the time. I've had the same guitar since I was 11--I bought it off this guy at a guitar store. And I still play it--you know, the blue one with stickers all over it? That's my blue guitar, and, for some reason, things come to life, and everyone calls it "Blue" now--"Where's Blue? Can I pick up Blue and play it?"

=And you let just anybody touch it?

Oh yeah! Blue's not prejudiced.

=It's interesting to note that the general public seems to think Dookie is your debut.

Yeah, but that's just the general public. There are people who've been with us since the beginning, who know how long we've been around, since our first 7-inch came out back in '89.

=And now you can afford to trash pricey microphones.

Actually, Warner Brothers paid for those. It was pretty nice of 'em. They looked really nice--I remember looking at 'em and thinking, "Nice microphones!" They gave me one mike and I took it and threw it down, and they gave me another, and at the end of the set I creamed it pretty hard, I guess. We toured Europe with this band Die Toten Hosen--we played nine dates with 'em--and we got charged for a microphone every night. I dunno, for some reason we just started smashing shit. We'd start throwing equipment around at the end of each set, and these kids would start grabbing Tre's drum set and throwing it, and then they started smashing the microphones too. And the bouncers just couldn't do anything about it.

=And you actually yanked your dick out onstage too?

I did. Totally. It was the real thing. I dunno. The bands that we were playing with were just boring. It was more like making a mockery of the whole thing. The big arena rock thing is just so dated now, like Journey or Queen. Which is why I think punk rock started to begin with--it was this reaction to all the dinosaur bands. So for me, that show was, "How can we make a complete mockery of this but at the same time have fun with it?" I like to leave people guessing, "Did he hate that or did he like that?" It's not that I don't care--it's more that I'm careless. I try to be as happy-go-lucky as I can, but you can become apathetic at the same time.

=Do you feel like Green Day is a part of, or represents, the so-called "slacker generation"?

There's one side of me that doesn't mind it, because it's a generational thing, and another side of me that says, "Fuck that!" The reason I wrote the songs is, I ended up going back to Rodeo, where I'm from, for a week. And then I said, "Fuck it," and left. But I managed to get several good songs out of it. A lot of my friends had just turned into complete burnouts. And these are kids I've known since kindergarten, because it's a small town and you know everybody. And it was all fixing cars, staying up all night on methamphetamines, smoking dope, and finding out all these rumors about people I haven't heard of in 10 years. Like, "Oh, did you hear about so-and-so, who got married, had three kids, and ended up shooting everybody in his family?" And it happened! It was a true story! You're there for one week, and you get caught up in it. You get so bored, all you wanna do is watch television. And there are no record stores, nothing around, so you end up hanging out with all these delinquents who aren't punkers at all, just cultural idiots. So I was watching all these people rot and rotting with them until I realized, "Shit! I gotta get the fuck outta here!"

=As they say, you can never go home again.

Oh yeah, definitely. Unless you get pregnant, like my sister did. Then you have to go. But I quit school my senior year--I just wasn't getting anything out of it. I was taking nine periods a day, plus night classes, which left me no time to smoke dope whatsoever. And my mom even suggested I drop out, because she was a dropout, too. I come from a long line of dropouts. I still have nightmares about being late with my homework assignments. When I finally went in to sign out of high school, the teacher went, "Now, who are you again?"

=And if that teacher could see you now!

A lot of people think you get this big connection with a corporate label, and you make millions of dollars, but they don't understand that you just don't make that much money. And when you do, it's easy to piss it away. I mean, every cent that I've made, I've pissed away. I'm not gonna say how I did it, but I don't have it But I don't think you necessarily have to be a punk to decide to say, "Fuck it." You don't even have to have a direction. It's just a matter of getting the fuck out and exploring things for yourself.

=But didn't you feel abject terror when you first set out on your own?

Nah, I didn't. Because, for some reason, I knew things were gonna be all right. You can create your own future as long as karma's on your side. And I'm a strong believer in karma. I think things can come back to you if you're just willing to give.

* * *

True enough. At least six million times over!

1995 Tom Lanham

#article #interview #articles #billie joe armstrong

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dragonssparkle · 5 years ago

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a critical role s2 pining beau/jester college au concept I will never do anything with but planned extensively ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Beau: Sophomore. Already jaded. Doing her best. Plays field hockey very aggressively. (also does some martial arts club stuff) Everyone thinks she’s here on a sports scholarship but nope! she’s majoring in history and is REALLY smart actually and is here on a full ride scholarship cause her parents refused to help her pay through college after trouble she caused in high school. She wants no one to know this and would rather be perceived as ‘uncaring jock’

>> Classes: World Wars, War in Literature, Theater I, History of Musical Theater

Jester: Freshman. Bubbly. READY TO GO! She’s an art major and LIVING HER BEST LIFE! Her mom is VERY wealthy and putting her through college easily. Is trying to start a cult (but in like a joking college way... they think. they’re pretty sure.)

>> Classes: Drawing Fundamentals, Painting Fundamentals, Freshman Writing Course, Poetry Workshop Fjord: Freshman. Not sure what he wants to major in yet. Was going to do business but the RA keeps nudging him towards switching majors because he is VERY stressed and doesn’t like his major at all. it’s only been a month

>> Classes: Statistics, Freshman Writing Course, Calculus, Into to Psychology

Cad: Senior? They think... No one is sure and he refuses to give a straight answer. A lot of people seem to think he’s been around longer than 4 years. Calm. Religions studies dual major with psychology. Doesn’t do well on exams yet is very knowledgeable and doesn’t seem to actually be failing his classes? Help him. RA. All the freshmen go to him for advice. Sometimes he will come to them before they even realize they need advice. An enigma.

>> Classes: Thesis…. class? (man idk i’m only going in junior year and i’m an art major) Religion and Nature, Religion and Medicine, (some sort of psychology class)

Veth (nickname to certain friends: Nott): Junior. Chemistry major. Has been accused of stealing things from unlocked rooms multiple times. Has yet to be caught. Unsure if she’s actually done these things. Is always seen with Caleb and hanging around his classes. Does she actually go to her own classes? Unknown. Also an enigma but a different kind. Dating the intro to chem TA (first year grad student).

>> Classes: The Organic Chemistry of Polymers, Molecular Neurobiology, Chemical Thermodynamics and Kinetics, Theater I

Caleb: Junior. English major. Has an emotional support cat that is sometimes permitted to wander the hall. He’s not supposed to let it out of his room but Cad never tells on him. Doesn’t really talk to people much. Very diligent with class and studies. There are some whispers about some really bad stuff happening at his high school, but few people know what happened.

>> Classes: War in Literature, The American Renaissance, Poetry Workshop, Multivariable Calculus

Molly: Junior. Film major, theater minor. Transferred from another college and changed his entire vibe after. New place new face. (there are some whispers there’s more to the change. something about a bad accident. he doesn’t talk about it). Always seems to be around. Has defo gotten in trouble a few times.

>> Classes: Poetry Workshop, History of Musical Theater, Social Justice in Film, Musical Production Participation

Yasha: doesn’t actually go to school here. Stays in molly’s room when she comes by. Quiet. Big. Some shit went down a while back. She keeps the flowers in molly’s room alive. he’s bad at it. Oh this thing was WAY longer than I thought. More content under the cut!

Shared Classes: War in Literature: Beau, Caleb

Theater I: Beau, Nott

History of Musical Theater: Beau, Molly

Freshman Writing Course: Jester, Fjord

Poetry Workshop: Jester, Molly, Caleb Rooms:

Beau and Jester’s Room:

Jester’s side is decorated with frills and the walls are practically covered in clothesline ropes and clips for hanging doodles. So many plushies. Everything is more or less tidy and clean. There’s a photo of her mom on her desk. Shrine to the traveler on her desk. She is running a cult someone stop her. Jester put fairy lights all over the room. Beau’s side is pretty plain all things considered. She has sports gear and some other stuff. Blue covers. No photos. A bunch of books on her shelf and notes all over her desk. Beau is… messy.

Caleb and Veth’s Room:

A fucking disaster someone help them. There are books and papers everywhere. Veth’s bed can be better described as a nest. Where is her desk? is it under that pile of random things? Possibly. No one is sure. They have not cleaned the floor ever. At least they take out the trash? Has anyone ever seen them in the laundry room? Do they do laundry? There’s a cat tree in there. It’s the only surface without things on it. The cat runs the room. It has only been a month. Veth isn’t even always there, often goes to Yeza’s apartment

Molly’s Room (also sorta of yasha’s):

A surprising amount of flowers in pots. He has a bunch of tapestries on the walls. Fairy lights. Lots of fancy pillows. He’s taken over the other bed with pillows, blankets, and clothes after Fjord left to stay with Cad a month in. Lot of wild clothes everywhere. Makeup and hair products on the desk along with assorted jewelry. He has his schedule hanging up on his closet door.

Caduceus’s Room:

Started in the room alone before he let Fjord move over. So many plants. Including succulents and funguses. Some of them may be poisonous? Some crystals. A little shrine in the corner. He has a tank of pet beetles. He loves them very much but doesn’t seem to care much if one dies? He just puts them with the funguses if they do and makes little necklaces with the wing shells. Some glow mushrooms. His whole room smells like tea and he usually has a little pot going on a hot tray. The top bunk used to be for plants. Now it is for Fjord.

Plot points in no particular order:

Getting to campus

Meeting hall mates

when beau first gets to room jester is already set up and her first thought is “god damn it i’m suck with a girly girl”

beau listening to jester talk forever and ever about fjord. it is killing her

Meeting jester (and they were Roommates. my god they were roommates)

beau leads a ‘yoga class’ for her friends

beau gets in, like, an actual fight

molly gets really badly beat up. at one point because of something idk. probably was cheeky to the wrong drunk person. DOES NOT DIE FUCK YOU

Tattoos!!!!!

Beau talking with molly. he gives her advice

Caduceus just watching her closely. He doesn’t bring it up but has his eye on her. gotta love that high wisdom

Molly directs a musical theater show for a club he’s in

Veth comes to War in Literature with caleb every class. beau is confused to find out she is not, in fact, in this class when she doesn’t show up for an exam

Theater time with Veth and Molly

Confessing to Veth. who offers to do something but doesn’t when beau begs her not to

seeing jester get together with fjord and sad times

confessing and jester kisses her. jester has TWO! HANDS!

classes with caleb (veth is also there)

beau switches to a different room halfway through the year cause she can’t do this

meals with the crew

Jester birthday time!!!

Some sort of nightlife adventure

DRINKING TIME PARTY!

gay thoughts about yasha but knowing it wouldn’t work. not doting on it much. Yasha was her freshman crush, but has someone else

Beau goes to one of jester’s cult meetings. there is a concern

Haha. A lot. I’d as that if someone wants to do something with all (gestures vaguely) this please ask though ask or dm first. When will the hiatus end

#cr #critiacl role #cr2 #beaujester #jester lavorre #beauregard lionett #cr au #cr college au #college au #god is anyone gonna read this? probably not. but we like to scream into the void

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southernvampire · 4 years ago

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Day 13- Apology

@31daysofwayhaven

word count: 941

summary: Rebecca shows Sawyer the tech lab, which looks awfully similar to their high-tech, vintage apartment. A much-needed apology is given.

The moment Rebecca showed Sawyer the science lab in the warehouse, they felt at home. The Victorian and turn of the century furniture garnished with sleek desktops and tablets reminded them of their antiques-in-the-modern-age apartment, and the state of the art forensics technology made them feel like they were in a dream.

Sawyer ran a finger along one of the monitors, its width smaller than their fingertip. Simply breathtaking, at least for a techie like Sawyer.

“We have almost everything you need here, including forensic equipment and state of the art computers. Hopefully you won’t have a need to use these any time soon,” she added, a concerned frown lining her face. “So, what do you think?”

Sawyer listened but kept their attention on the desktop and the Victorian desk it sat on. They wanted so badly to investigate its specs, but something held them back.

“Is there something wrong, Sawyer?”

They let out a sigh and patted the cherry wood desk. “This desk looks so similar to the one in my apartment. In fact, this entire area… the antique-meets-modern-tech vibe, this was intentional, right? To look like my home?” When Rebecca didn’t answer right away, they continued hurriedly, “I mean, I noticed this whole place has a lot of antiques so it probably was just a coincidence, but—”

Sawyer wanted it to be intentional so badly it was pathetic. It was such a dumb question, they quickly realized, and suddenly became scared to know the answer. For Rebecca to show some interest in their taste and style as well as their interests, it would mean she had been watching their whole life. It would mean that she understood them more than they realized. It would mean that she cared.

And that meant the world to Sawyer.

“It wasn’t. Not really,” Rebecca cut in, stepping forward toward Sawyer. “I was allowed to make a few design choices, and this furniture was already made available to us by the Agency. I couldn’t help but notice how you decorated your apartment and I wanted to emulate that a bit here, where you would be spending the most time.” She smiled a little, reaching forward and then dropping her hand before she could be rejected or accepted. “I- I wanted you to feel comfortable here.”

They crumpled a little on the inside. It was unexpected, they thought they would feel happy, but really they felt as if they had dropped something and with that weight gone, they felt… relief. And with the relief came down a barrier they had held for so long. They tried to hide the welling tears in their eyes but the tears longed to be noticed, quickly and hotly rolling down Sawyer’s cheeks.

Rebecca rushed over. “Are you okay, Sawyer? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s– you noticed.”

Their mother brushed their blond hair away from their face, something she used to do when they were a child. “Of course I would notice, you’re my child. I’ve always taken an interest in what you like.”

“Have you?”

The question wasn’t meant to sound so accusatory, but Sawyer couldn’t take back the tone they used.

“Remember my tenth birthday?”

“…Yes.”

Rebecca turned away, shame clouding her face. Of course she remembered; how could she not?

Sawyer had been begging for a chemistry set for weeks before the party. At that point in their life, Rebecca worked a case that kept her from home for most of the time, and when she was home, Sawyer dropped obvious hints of what they wanted. They talked about chemistry any chance they had, explaining how cool it would be to make their own concoctions with the test tubes and beakers. They had even started a collection of small things that would be fun to look at under a microscope, leaves and fabrics and flower petals.

Rebecca hadn’t listened. She told herself that she had, but the truth was her mind was so focused on work and the Agency that she almost forgot to buy Sawyer a gift, much less get ready for the party. She rushed to the store that same day and bought a dollhouse, barely making it back in time. The look on Sawyer’s face when they opened the gift crushed her.

And that wasn’t the only time Rebecca had not paid attention to Sawyer’s interests, just the first of many. She was gone so often that she couldn’t keep up with her growing child and their ever-changing likes and dislikes. It made them feel invisible, like they came second to her job, so they kept things from her. Didn’t include her in their interests like they had tried so hard to do in the past. Eventually, they had become so quiet that Rebecca had started to initiate conversations, calling them many times through high school and college, but she was too late. A wall had already come between them, and only now had Rebecca managed to remove a brick from it.

They stared at each other, both thinking about all the times Rebecca had put her job first, all the times she had to suddenly leave in her short-lived visits back home.

“I’m sorry, Sawyer.” She whispered the apology, the lump in her throat audible. “I’m so, very sorry that I’ve made you think I didn’t notice you for all these years. I haven’t done the best in the past, but I’m working hard to not repeat the same mistakes. I hope you’ll understand, I wasn’t meaning to hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

Sawyer wasn’t sure if they could understand, not without all the answers they needed, but in that moment, they didn’t try to worm their way out of their mother’s arms. For a moment, they allowed themself to be not her coworker, but her child, and hugged her back.

#31daysofwayhaven #twc fic #twc #nonbinary detective #oc: sawyer kingston #rebecca #this makes me really want to expand on their relationship and how it affected sawyer and their life choices leading up to wayhaven #the wayhaven chronicles*#my writing

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belovedkingx · 5 years ago

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Our little secret | jhs

» Pairing: Hoseok/Reader

» Genre: Vampire!au, Reincarnation!au, Smut, Fluff, angst

» Word Count: 7.6k+

✥ Summary: Normally, someone would be terrified when they find out, they would feel fear rushing through their veins but you weren't like that, you found pleasure in the realization of who and what he was.

Warnings: attempted humor, dirty jokes, blood, dirty talk, swearing, marking/scratching/biting, Cunnilingus, fingering, Intercrural sex, praising, blood-drinking, counting, creampie

A\N: This is officially the longest fic I’ve ever written, it was meant to be a lot shorter. I may have gotten a bit carried away.¯\_(ツ)_/¯

|| Masterlist || Part of the “Nightfall” series

— posted: 10.22.2019

Loud music filled your ears as you held on to your red solo cup, filled with what you could only assume to be vodka and pineapple juice. You were sitting on the couch, bored when a couple sat extremely close to you as they were intensely locking lips, they were practically on you.

You pushed them off as you stood up, walking to the kitchen where there were fewer people. You knew college parties weren't your thing the only reason why you came was that your friends begged you to go, but as soon as you guys arrived they left you on your own. You were hoping at least one of them would stay with you.

As you stood against the counter you decided it would be best to leave, you reached for your phone to let your friends know you were leaving. You made your way into the living room, passing through drunk college students. As soon as you made it to the front door you hear a familiar voice call your name. You turn to see Jackson pushing passed the people to get to you. You rolled your eyes, thinking he was gonna try and convince you to stay.

“Hey, there you are," He spoke loudly due to the music. You look at him with a raised eyebrow "Where are you going?" He asked as if you hadn't just texted in the group chat that you were gonna head home. "I think I've been here long enough, you stay, have fun I'm just gonna go home," He frowned at your words, getting a little bit closer to you. Before he could speak your other two friends came rushing towards you, calling your name.

"Oh thank god, you caught her before she left," Taehyung speaks, breathing heavily. Then your friend kelly stands next to Jackson. "Did you run just to find me?" you asked taehyung amused. He just nods his head repeatedly. "You can't leave, it's still early" You chuckled at Kelly's words because it was nowhere near early. "It's like 1 in the morning," she just nods, saying that that was still early for a party.

"Okay, How about this," Kelly speaks, getting the two males and your attention. "Will since it's Halloween, why don't we go do something fun together, that we all would enjoy?" she suggests. "It's no longer Halloween and what are we gonna do at 1 in the morning, everything is closed," Taehyung finally caught his breath then spoke on the matter. "I agree with kelly cause we did kinda ditched you, so we should do something together."

You nod your head in agreement. "Okay, but we still need to find something to do," You stated. Jackson puts his hand on Taehyung's shoulder lightly pushing him towards the door before doing the same to you and kelly. "Let's just get out of this party and figure it out once we get some coffee in us," Jackson said as he ushered all of you out. Everyone hummed in agreement, walking out the door.

"I know this cozy little café not too far from us that stays open till 3 AM," Jackson announced. Kelly's and your eyes widen in excitement. "Well lead the way, Jakie boy," she says, swinging her arm around your shoulder, ready to leave.

The four of you walked and talked about everything, which only took about 5-10 minutes to get there. You finally decided to fling kelly's arm off of you since your neck was killing you, she was just using you for a sort of support. As you give your neck a mini massage Taehyung was telling one of his dirty jokes. "Okay, I have another one," Everyone including you sighed, knowing how bad it was gonna be.

"What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?" Taehyung asked but didn't waste a second waiting for one of you to answer back. "A dictator." no one laughed, kelly just gives him the death glare. "Taehyung, don't you think that you've worn that joke out," Jackson chuckles as he agrees. "Yeah, you've told that joke too many times," You shake your head, wanting no part in of whatever was unfolding before your eyes.

"Okay Okay, I have a better one," you smile to yourself as they walk a few feet in front of you. "What are the three shortest words... in the English language?" Taehyung smiled as he waited for a response, proud that he had a new joke to tell. You looked up ahead passed your friends and saw a large light grey sign with lit-up letters that spelled out "Midnight Balcony Café”. You figured that that was the place Jackson was talking about. Your mind came back to the question taehyung asked and you immediately spoke out.

"Is it in." Those were the only words you said, causing taehyung to look back at you shocked and what you could detect to only be a disappointment. The other two chuckled. "How did you know the answer?" You start to laugh at taehyung but also feeling a little bad cause you realized how bad he wanted to deliver the punch line. "I may have seen that joke online somewhere," immediately kelly and Jackson start to laugh even harder as Taehyung pouted like a little kid.

"Well, that was a lot better than the last one taetae, keep throwing these kinds of jokes at me then you might just have me rolling on my ass," kelly teased, trying to get him to stop pouting, even tho she enjoyed seeing his pouty face. Finally, you were here, standing in front of the cute little cafe that was pretty bare, there was only one worker and two other people, that you assumed to be college students as well.

Once you walked in, the smell of freshly grounded coffee with a mixture of Cinnamon and other bold satisfying aromas filled your lungs as you took a deep breath. As you looked around you thought it to be interesting that you never noticed this place before, taking in the colors and designs on the wall as you made your way to the counter. You gazed at the display of pastries as you heard the woman greet kelly and the others.

"Hello, Welcome to Midnight balcony Cafe. What can I get for you," The woman spoke with a warm smile, ready to take everyone's order. You quickly made up your mind on what you wanted and took the opportunity to look around some more as the other ordered. The place was warm and cozy, with green plants decorating various spots of the shop.

You noticed off to the left side of the cafe, was another room with a big wall bookshelf filled and a few couches. You smiled, thinking about coming here from now on, you were pretty happy that Jackson introduced this place to you.

After a quick look, you made your way back to everyone, you were next to order. You greet the woman with a shy smile as she did the same. "Hi, Can I get a small iced midnight macchiato." The lady nods her head as she taps the screen of the register. "Of course, What flavor would you like, We have cinnamon, vanilla, mocha, caramel, and hazelnut," You tell her what flavor you wanted and then reached for your wallet to pay.

"The total will be $20.36," the lady says after she calculated everyone's order together. Jackson noticed you getting ready to pay but stops you, handing his card to the woman. "I got it Y\n, it's on me," you throw him a smile as you thank him. The four of you sat at a table waiting for your drinks, as soon as you sat down Taehyung speaks.

"So, does anyone have any ideas on what to do after this?" You slipped your jacket off, thinking. "Honestly, I think we should just call it a night," You state, looking at the clock on the wall across the room, noticing the time. "I mean it's already 1:48," everyone stays silent, thinking.

"if you guys figure something out then I'll be down but if not we should just head home," once you finished talking the woman walks towards your table with a tray in hand, filled with drinks. The woman smiled at everyone as she placed their drink in front of them.

"Enjoy," she says as she gave you yours last before walking off. You noticed Kelly looking at you with a look on her face that meant she had an idea, one that never ends well. "What are you thinking?" you asked, suspiciously. "I know exactly what we could do, let's take a little trip to Redwood," Jackson looked confused while your eyes were close to popping out of their sockets. "Redwood, Redwood mansion? Are you crazy, no way."

"Oh come on, it will be fun," Jackson looked back and forth between you and kelly, puzzled. "Um, Mind explaining to me on what's with Redwood mansion?" Taehyung gazed at Jackson, shocked. "Really? You know nothing about Redwood?" Jackson just shakes his head in confirmation. "Well, It's a mansion that was built in the 1800s, it's supposedly hunted, there's a lot of legends about it so no one actually knows what happened in that place," Taehyung explained to him.

"Some say that the husband, Mr. Redwood caught his wife having an affair and decided to kill her and his two kids then himself, and others say the Redwood family was involved with supernatural creatures, like demons or vampires, which in result got them killed," Kelly interjected. Jackson seemed to be interested in the whole thing from the look on his face, you knew you had lost him already. Now Taehyung is your only and last hope for getting out of this.

"Well, let's go, I think it will be fun plus Y\n is into these kinds of things," Taehyung spoke excitedly. Immediately, you mentally facepalmed yourself, feeling that little hope you had left just get shredded into a million microscopic pieces. "You've got to be joking, No way are we going in that house," as soon as the words left your lips you could see all the questions that were gonna be bombed at you all over Kelly's face.

"And no it's not cause I'm scared, it's because that house is a death trap, one step in that place and it’s all crumbling down, you do understand how old it is, right?" Kelly rolls her eyes with a deep sigh. "Yes I understand, but I'm sure it will be fine," Taehyung and Jackson stare between you and kelly, waiting for the final decision. "Come on please, I'll tell you what, let’s just go in, look around but we'll leave immediately at the first sign of danger," she raises her eyebrows hoping she had convinced you enough, fortunately for her, she did.

"Fine," you replied with a little shake of your head. You couldn't believe you let her talk you into something again for the second time today, but you couldn’t lie, you’ve kinda wanted to see the place for a while now but you would never admit that to her. Taehyung sits up with an excited expression. "Well, now that that is settled let's not waste time, let's go," Jackson joins in eagerly, sitting up while kelly gives you a wink. "Come on girly, we're gonna have fun and you know it," she says as she reaches her arm out for you.

The four of you trashed your empty cups and headed towards Redwood. Each house that you passed was decked out with Halloween decorations, making the neighborhood creepier at night than usual. You finally came up to a gate that separated you from the house with a rectangular stone next to it that had 'Redwood' engraved into it. The place looked creepier than the houses you've had to pass to get here.

"Well, looks like we can't get through," you spoke, noticing that the gate had a thick chain locking it. You tried to walk away but kelly quickly grabs your forearm, pulling you back. "Nice try, look," she paused and pointed to the gate. "There is a big enough gap that we can easily slip through."

As she walked away you glared at her for a moment, she walks up to the gate, opening it as far as it would go. While she kept it open for Taehyung and Jackson you observed the house, from what you could see some vines attached themselves onto the sides of the house.

Bushes and trees were obstructing your line of sight so you couldn't see much, despite the light of the moon it was pretty dark. Kelly calls out for you, snapping you out of your focused state. "Come on," you move quickly, slipping past the gate.

Everyone grabbed their phones, using the flashlight to see properly without tripping. Once you turned on your light you could easily follow the driveway up to the house, as you walked you started to notice how nice and clean the lawn looked, like as if someone was maintaining it.

Jackson gave you a look after noticing the same thing, he shrugs. Once you made it up to the house you get a weird feeling down your spine, you couldn't explain it, all you knew was that it wasn't fear.

Kelly, Taehyung, Jackson and you stood in front of the stairs that lead up to the front door, Kelly hums in thought upon noticing the door boarded up. "Maybe we can get in through a window," Taehyung suggests. Kelly nods, satisfied with his idea."Well, come on," As they walk off to the side of the house you stood there for a moment, before rejoining the others. When you turned the corner you see Jackson trying to get the window to budge open.

Looking inside, all you saw was furniture covered in cloths everything looked dusty. Immediately after Jackson got the window open everything went black, an excruciating amount of pain started to spread in your chest. On the outside you looked fine, you didn't move or show any sign of discomfort but on the inside, you were in the dark and in pain.

Jackson hops through the window then helped the others get in. With each second passing, the pain was fading and a small ball of light floated far in the distance.

The light got closer and closer until it enveloped you. A warm breeze kissed your skin, slowly opening your eyes, a field of flowers come into view, you take a deep breath, taking in the fresh air. The sky was clear, so blue, not a single grey cloud threatening to rain down.

You feel someone slide their hand into yours, a secure, relaxing atmosphere surrounded you. You turn to see the one next to you but the person was quick, wrapping their arms around you into a hug, keeping you from seeing them.

You tried so hard to look, just wanting a glimpse but when you pulled away everything faded so fast making you dizzy and confused. You found yourself breathing heavily as you stood in front of the window as Jackson stares at you, waiting for you to take his hand. You look up to see his eyes laced with concern but you smiled, reaching for his hand before he could question you. With help from Jackson, you were able to hop in with ease.

As you scan the room, eyes glancing over the others as they removed the dusty sheets from the furniture, you spot the door and made a beeline for it. You grip the handle, getting ready to open it but then stop upon noticing a glow of light coming from underneath the door. "Guys, I think someone is here," you whisper, alarmed. Looking over your shoulder, you see kelly rush to your side. "Look, there's light," You added as you pointed to the floor.

"It's most likely someone who is here for the same reason we are," You nodded, accepting her words. You slowly opened the door to see a bunch of candelabras lined against the wall of the hallway, with candles being the source for the light. As you walked down the end of the hall you quickly realized that it leads straight into the foyer. You hear Words of astonishment coming from the others.

The interior of the house with white and gold. To the left was the front door and to the right, directly in the middle of the room was a long split Staircase with a big glass window at the top. On the ceiling, were designs in gold as well as a large crystal Chandelier. "Wow, this is crazy," You hear Taehyung speak.

"Why on earth does the outside of the house look so run down while the inside looks so, so," Kelly tried to find the perfect word to describe the house. "Stunning," Kelly nods as Jackson finished her sentence. In the corner of your eye, you saw something move at the top of the stairs, but when you looked nothing was there. You shrugged it off, thinking it was one of your friends' shadow.

You kept your focus on the room as the others spoke, never speaking yourself. You were so captivated by the look and atmosphere of the place that you somehow suddenly couldn't hear the others converse, you were very much in your own little world.

When you first step foot into the house you reminded yourself not to get separated from the others, yet it happened anyway. You realized this when you found yourself wondering into another hallway on the other side of the house.

As you walked you came across a double door which intrigued you, you placed your hand on the door handle, opening it to reveal a large moonlit room to what you would describe as a ballroom. The room suddenly changed, one blink and everything was so bright. You were standing in the middle of the room with arms wrapped around you as you swayed to the soft music in the background. You knew it was the same person from before just by the safe, strong aura coming from them.

This time you decided to embrace the feeling, and relax into their hold instead of trying to figure out who it was and what was going on. But of course, it didn't last. You feel the person let go of you while the room turns black. Immediately you felt that pain in your chest, you closed your eyes tightly in agony as you clutched your shirt before the pain suddenly fades into warmth.

Once the pain dissipated you slowly open your eyes to realize you were crouching on the floor of the room with your hand to your chest. You were breathing heavily with anger rushing through your veins. "What the hell... is happening to me?" You thought to yourself as you lift yourself to your feet. Getting a bit dizzy you leaned against the door to collect yourself.

As soon as you thought it was time to go find the others you heard screaming, immediately your heart sped up and your blood ran cold. You tried to act quickly but you stumbled down the hallway still feeling dizzy. As you stumble back into the foyer your vision became distorted, it was as if an illusion was overlapping with reality.

You were seeing people walk and hearing them talk to one another, you heard one particular name being called over and over again, Nova. You tried snapping out of it to get to your friends but it was useless, at this point you just couldn't even walk. You laid on the hard granite floor as you faded in and out of reality until you were out cold.

"Nova, What's with the sad face?" you whipped your head in the direction of the voice. You sit up, off the edge of the bed as you see hoseok climbing in through the window. "What are you doing here?" you pull him away from the window as he smiled down at you, lovingly. "Well, I'm here to see you, I just couldn't wait," You sigh out of frustration but then realized you couldn't be mad at him for that. "I understand, I just don't want someone to catch you," you stated, showing worry in your eyes.

"Don't fret, I made sure I was careful," He said softly as he benevolently caressed your cheek, suddenly his bright and loving smile disappeared and a more serious expression took its place. "I wanna take you away from here, I've been thinking about it for some time," you were shocked by his words but happy, you didn't know what to say so you let him continue.

"I can't sit here and watch the woman I love get forced to marry someone else," Hoseok pulls you closer, holding on to you as if he was scared you would disappear. "I don't know what the future holds for us if we leave but it has to be better then this," you knew he was right and after everything your father has done, you knew you couldn't stay. "As long as I'm with you, I'm not afraid to find out what the future as to offer us," you spoke, revealing that you were ready to leave with him.

Hoseok pulled you into his chest, kissing you on the forehead. "Good," a soft chuckle of relief escapes his lips. "The sooner we leave the better," you nod in agreement. "I have some things I need to take care of before we leave so we'll leave tonight," Hoseok effortlessly lifted your head by your chin before placing a kiss on your lips. He then pulls away, making his way back to the window. "I love you," the two of you said softly before he disappeared out of the window.

The feeling of silk, soft and smooth on your skin alerted you that this was most definitely not your bed, your eyes shot open as you simultaneously sat up. You noticed that you were in a different room and by the look of it you assumed that you were still in the house.

You slightly relaxed on the bed that was in the middle of the large bedroom, you noticed that it was lit up by only candles like the rest of the house. The room was pretty plain but nice, everything was dark grey, the walls, the big fluffy rug under the bed, the silk bed sheets, and even the window curtains that were to the right of you.

You started remembering some things you saw when you were knocked out. "Did I dream all of that?" You thought to yourself. You swing your legs to the right, sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing the back of your neck. You suddenly hear a low squeaking sound coming from the bedroom door, you whipped your head to your left and see him...

A wave of emotions hit you hard, overwhelming you. Heart racing, breath heavy, you lock eyes with him as you stand up. "Hoseok," you say under your breath. For a brief moment, he looked shocked as the name you spoke reached his ears, before reclaiming his calm demeanor. "I guess there’s no need to introduce myself," he said walking into the room and closing the door behind him.

You were so confused as to what was happening to you, the way you were feeling, the only thing that came to mind was that he did something to you. "What did you do to me?" You yelled, ignoring what he said previously. He sighs, unsurprised at your reaction to your own memories.

"Calm down, I didn't do anything to you, all I did was pick you up off the floor from downstairs and lay you on the bed," he says, placing the cup he was holding on the table next to him. "After that, I left to let your friends know you were okay and that you were just sleeping," he added.

You suddenly remember your friends screaming and felt a bit worried, but before you could voice your concerns Hoseok spoke up again. "And if you're worried about your friends don't be, they fell asleep waiting for you downstairs," for some reason you trusted his words, you tried to ignore the feeling but something told you that you and your friends were safe. "Who are you? why do I know your name? what's happening?" You bombarded him with questions.

"I can explain some things for you but you have to trust me enough to listen to everything I have to say, can you do that?" you felt stupid for trusting him but you needed to understand everything, especially the feelings you were having towards him. "Okay," you said lowly. He reaches for a picture frame that was next to the cup he placed on the table. After he grabbed it he walks towards you, stopping about a foot in front of you. "Look at this, who does she look like," He asked, handing you the picture frame.

You looked at the black and white photo, confused but most of all shocked. You looked back at Hoseok then back at the photo. "She looks... like me, how?" Hoseok reaches out for the photo, taking it and placing it back on the table. "She looks exactly like you, Her name was Nova, Nova Redwood, she was a sweet and kind woman," your eyes widen, remembering that you heard that name before. "You are a reincarnation of her," He says slowly, getting straight to the point. He expected you to quickly scoff at his words, to his surprise you didn't.

You didn't know what to say or think, you had this strong trust for him that you couldn't understand but his words were so insane... Yet you believed him. With every passing moment, you were remembering bits and pieces to what you assumed to be your memories as, Nova.

Something still didn't quite make sense to you, you stayed silent for a while thinking, trying to form a proper question to ask. "If what your saying is true then how do you know all of this about me? you talk as if you knew her, Nova," his eyes seemed sad despite him displaying a slight smirk.

"Well, I did know her, very well actually," you squint your eyes, lost. "How is that even possible? you would be well over a hundred years old," he chuckles, taking a few steps closer. "That's true, but I would say being an Immortal Being makes it pretty possible," he says looking away from you. You thought you were starting to understand, somewhat but now you're just completely bewildered. "An Immortal Being?" You asked, skeptically.

An unexpected giggle escaped from your throat, you tried your best not to laugh but you couldn't help it. "I'm glad you think it's funny but I'll be the one laughing when you realize what I am," he states with a raised eyebrow. And what are you exactly?" you asked, amused. "I think showing you would be better proof, wouldn't you say?" you gave him a look of agreement, crossing your arms.

He takes a few steps forward before he magically appeared right in front of you. He hid his face in the crook of your neck while his hands were on your hips, slowly guiding you to the bed. The back of your knees hit the edge of the mattress and you fall but he caught you in his arm, gently laying you down. Your mind was blank and fuzzy, you were completely and utterly aroused by everything unfolding.

You look up at the ceiling, feeling your heartbeat quicken as he placed his lips on your neck, brushing them across your skin causing your body to tingle. You felt him lick a stripe up your neck before feeling a sharp pain, which didn't last long.

You uncontrollably let out a moan, not entirely from pain but also from pleasure. He lifts his head up looking into your eyes, you scan his face and noticed his eyes were a gold color, his lips were lightly painted red with your blood. That's when it hits you, he just bit you.

Realizing everything he has said and all that you've been remembering is true, which in turn made you feel happy, sad and angry, for reasons you didn't quite understand yet. He turns his face away and lifts himself off of you, you knew that ordinarily, one should be terrified, or at the least worried about the situation but you couldn't bring yourself to feel that way even if you tried.

You sat up touching your neck where he bit you, only a few dots of blood showed on your hand. "Don't worry, I didn't go deep, it'll heal up pretty quickly," he spoke, facing away from you. As you stayed silent Hoseok's head hanged low as he sighed, thinking you were scared of him. He had hoped that you would at least remember him after seeing all your old memories.

Hoseok figured it would be best if he told you that you could leave. "Now that you know, you can take your friends and return to your normal life," he uttered as he walked towards the door. You realized that your silence could have been taken for as fear, You act fast, hopping to your feet as you say what's on your mind.

"No! I'm not gonna leave and just pretend that none of this ever happened, how can I?" Hoseok remained still, surprised that you weren't terrified after what he just did. "There are things I need to know, like... who I was to you," you spoke the last words slowly because you realized how hard this was for him.

You recognized the sadness between the two of you and you understand that it has to do with the fact that you died and your father had something to do with it, but you want to know everything.

"Hoseok, who was I to you?" you asked even though you knew, you just needed to hear him say it. "You were everything to me, you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, that was until I got turned," he paused, taking a moment, realizing that he's never talked about you since the day you died. "But I was still determined to live the rest of your life with you, but you were taken from me way to soon, it wasn't your time," you could hear his voice slightly crack as you spoke causing your heart to ache.

"I need to know what happened to me, to us but I need your help," you wanted to ask about everything that happened but you knew he wouldn't tell you, so the best thing was to remember on your own, you need the memories to come back to you. "And how do you think I can help you?" He asked, intrigued.

"Kiss me," you knew it was selfish of you to ask but whether this helped you remember or not didn't matter, you just wanted to feel him again, his lips, his hands.

He turns around locking eyes with you. A slight smirk tugged at his lips as he slowly stuck the tip of his tongue out, playfully. He stared at you for a short moment, making sure you were serious. You could feel your body heat up under his gaze, he gently starts to take soft steps towards you until he hovered over you, eyes still connected. He slides his hand behind your head as he slowly pulls you in close. With every inch closer, your hands inched they're way up his back, gripping onto him.

As soon as your lips were about to meet he stopped, letting his lips float just over yours, slightly teasing you, then finally leaning in the rest of the way. His lips were soft and gentle making you melt into the kiss. A wave of emotions took hold of your heart, all the love and adoration you once had for this man came rushing back, causing tears to stream down your rosy cheeks.

Memory after memory flashes through your mind, things started to make sense to you now, all these years of feeling lost and empty like you've lost something or someone. All these years you've felt like this place, this home, was a magnet trying to draw you in, and now you know why. Hoseok pulls away from your lips, wiping away your tears with his thumbs. He understands exactly why you're crying, it's the same reason for why he has in the past.

It's because of Love.

You wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him back in for a kiss, this time it was rougher and deeper. You brushed your fingers through his hair, tugging softly. Hoseok slightly pulls away to trail kisses down your neck, earning an airy moan from you. "Are you sure you want to continue? I can stop," he asked teasingly, he knew the answer by how you responded to his touch.

"No, don't stop, I want this," he proceeded to kiss your neck as his hand travels down your back to your ass, pulling you closer. He starts to walk forward, guiding you to the bed until the back of your knees hit the edge of it. You lay flat on the bed while hoseok hovers over you, he gently lifts your arms above your head then slowly slides his hands down the curve of your arms and body until he reached the waistband of your jeans.

He unbuttoned them, sliding them off along with your dark red lace panties. Hooking his arms around your thighs, he pulled you closer to the edge of the bed as he got on his knees. "Relax," he urged, slowly spreading your legs. He rubbed and kissed up your inner thigh, helping you to loosen up. You could feel him inching closer and closer to your pussy, making you breathless.

You took in a shaky breath as the warm sensation of Hoseok's tongue slowly slid between your folds. Your hands fluttered to his head, tangling them in his hair as his tongue darted out to lick long, wet strips up against your aching clit. He decided to take his time with you, simply taking in the sounds of pleasure that you made just for him. "That feels good doesn't it?" He smirked smugly as he watched you move your hips to get more friction. "M-more, I-," you could barely even create a full sentence.

"You want me to make you cum? You wanna cum all over my tongue, don't you?” all you could do was nod repeatedly as his words made your cheeks burn bright red. Hoseok didn’t pay any mind to your desperate whines as he sucked gently at your clit, groaning in satisfaction at the filthy whines that emitted from your lips.

He tasted you once more before two of his long fingers gently thrust into your pussy, curling inside of you as he picked up the pace. He smiled against your heat, feeling you clench around his fingers. "That's it, baby, now be good and take my fingers like a good girl," he praised you before flattening his tongue against your clit, causing you to blurt out a string of curses.

You threw your head back, clutching the silk sheets while trying your hardest to hold your legs open and not crush his head. You started getting louder, indicating that you were about to cum. "You want to cum? then do it, cum for me," he urges. Within seconds he had you cumming all over his fingers and tongue, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, moaning out as your body shook from the intensity.

Seeing and hearing you cum made his cock grow painfully hard, he wanted to hear you all night long, it was music to his ears. As you laid there with a fucked out expression Hoseok pulled his fingers out, licking them clean. After, he spread your legs out further, admiring you. "Gorgeous," you looked away a bit embarrassed.

He stands to his feet, lifting his shirt over his head, you noticed and wanted to help him. So you slid off the bed onto your knees, unzipping his pants, letting him step out of them. "Come here," He reached his hand out for you, helping you up. He turns you around then grabs the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and throwing it randomly on the floor. You felt his hands wrap around your waist, pulling your back to his chest.

His hands roamed your body as he kissed your shoulders, you grind your ass up against his cock earning a groan from him. His fingers brush over your nipples causing you to arch your back and push your ass against his cock harder. Hoseok needed to feel you, he needed to feel your warmth. He pushed his underwear off, letting his cock spring free. He stroked himself a few times before sliding himself in between your thighs.

Your juices from your previous release made it easy to slide back and forth. Every time he would thrust forward his cock would rub over your clit. "Hoseok," you whine. The feeling of his breath on your neck as he pants caused shivers down your spine. You couldn't stand the wait, you just wanted to feel him inside of you, to feel his hands grip you tightly as he fucks you. "Fuck," Hoseok growls.

He grips your chin, softly tilting your head to get better access to your neck. You knew what was coming next and it made you wetter. That sharp, yet brief pain shoots to your core, making you weak in the knees. Hoseok didn't think he could get any more turned on, the strong and sweet taste of your blood sent him into overdrive. Once he drank some of you he pulled himself from your legs, then he turned you around to face him.

You saw his fangs this time as he licks up the blood left on his lips. He slightly lowers his head down to your breast, while keeping eye contact with you. lacing your hands in his hair, you throw your head back slightly as he licks, sucks, leaving marks. Hoseok releases your nipple with a pop before laying down on the bed and gesturing you to come to him.

"Come and sit on my cock, I want you to ride me," you obeyed, feeling giddy. Finally, you were gonna get to feel him inside of you. You straddled him and rubbed his cock between your slit before slowly sliding him in. Your walls stretched to accommodate him, you let out a loud moan from the stretch. When you took him in fully he pulled you to his chest by your arms.

"Unless you want your friends to know what we're up to I suggest you keep quiet," he said in your ear before bucking his hips up, causing you to slap a hand over your mouth to contain the cry that almost escaped. You leaned up, keeping one hand on his chest and the other over your mouth as you bounced up and down. "Ooh fuck, just like that," Hoseok groans.

He rubbed his hands up your body until he reached your breasts, massaging them and pinching your nipples. He noted that you really liked it when he bit you, so with a smirk tugging at his lips, he leaned up a bit as you continued to fuck yourself on his dick. He took your right breast in his mouth, swirling his tongue around your nipple making you clench around him. You had to fight the urge to give up on being quiet when he sunk his teeth on the top flesh of your breast.

"Such a naughty girl, taking me so well as I leave bites all over you," he teased, looking up at you through hooded eyes. You didn't really think you were the type to be into pain but Hoseok was proving you wrong. You sped up the pace as a low moan slipped passed your lips. As he released his mouth from your breast a small amount of blood streamed down, he licked it up with one long, slow swipe.

He could feel his release getting close, not wanting to cum just yet he surprises you by pulling you to his chest again and flipping you over. Before standing up he has you wrap your arms and legs around him as he lifts you up, still deep inside of you. He holds you by your ass as you straddle him, as he starts to thrusts his hips you dug your nails into his back. You knew you couldn't last much longer with the way he was going deeper ever than before. "Ahhh oh shit, you feel so good," you moaned out, giving up on being silent.

You hide your face in the crook of his neck as he sped up, he draws his right hand out and swung it back down, slapping your ass. "Look at me," he ordered. You slowly brought your head up, facing him with rosy cheeks and hooded eyes. He captured your lips in a sweet and gentle kiss, very different from the way he was pounding into you.

"You like how I'm fucking you?" you nodded, eyes locked with his. "Yeah? You want to cum all over my cock?" he asked with a powerful thrust following, making you scream in pleasure. "Yes, please make me cum, make me cum all over your cock," with that he had you on your back, legs pressed to your chest as he repeatedly pounded into you within seconds, fucking you into the bed.

'Ahh!! fuck, right there!" you gasped. "I'm gonna count up to five then I want you to cum for me," Hoseok challenged. You had no doubt that once he got to five that you would be releasing all over him. "One," He started counting, slowing his thrust but thrusting deep. "Two... Three," He released your legs, opening them so he could lean down to see your face when you came. "Four," You wrapped your arm around his torso, holding on to him as you felt your orgasm about to come crashing down on you like a tidal wave.

"Five," Hoseok quickly pressed his lips to yours, preventing you from being too loud. Your friends were downstairs and though they couldn't hear the two of you now, he knew if you were anymore louder they would most definitely be able to. Releasing all over his cock, you clenched your walls around him causing him to cum deep inside of you. Both of you moaned into the kiss, his thrusts slowed down until he completely stopped. He pulled from the kiss, breathing heavily as he looked down at your fucked out face. "Damn, that was intense," He admits, tiredly.

As he pulls out you tremble, still sensitive. He disappears from your sight as you lay there catching your breath. After about two minutes you hear movement at the door and look to see what it was. Hoseok came back with a warm washcloth and a cup with steam coming from it. "Sorry for taking too long, I was getting you some tea and something to clean you up with," You smile as he placed the cup down. You reached out for the washcloth as you thanked him.

Once you cleaned yourself up Hoseok laid back in bed, handing you the cup of tea. "So How do you feel?" he asks. You sit there for a moment, thinking. "Confused," you take a sip of your tea, thinking about everything that as happened tonight. "Why? You still don't remember anything else?" he leans up, waiting for what you have to say. "Actually I remember quite a bit, like the first time you told me what you were, and how you were afraid of how I would react," Hoseok smiles, remembering the words you told him back then.

"I'm just confused about what this all means for me, for us," you confess. "Well, it means you have a second chance at life and I think what we should do is let go of who we once were," a part of you didn't like where you thought this was heading but you listened anyway. "Cause I want to get to know the present you, I want to make new memories with you," Hoseok reached his hand out, gripping your chin and turning your face to him. "I want to fall in love with you all over again," he leaned in, giving you a soft peck on your lips.

"Unless that's not what you want," he teases. You lightly hit his arm making him laugh. He takes the cup from your hands, placing it on the nightstand then pulling you into his arm. "Get some rest, then when you wake up will go down to your friends," your eyes widen, realizing that they might get suspicious of your relationship with (to them) a stranger. Hoseok notices your concerned face and before you could speak he eases your worries. "Don't fret, we'll slowly ease them into this but for now this will be our little secret."

Hearing the way he spoke to you put a smile on your face, you finally felt sleepy as you melted into his hold. As you fell deep into a peaceful slumber you just kept thinking about how you've never been this happy in your life, despite discovering that vampires and most likely other mythical creatures exist. None of that mattered, all that mattered was this, this feeling, being here with Hoseok.

The one you were destined to be with, The man you loved.

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somethingpoeticiguess · 5 years ago

Text

Ohshc Au Idea

- Ohshc Au where they all go to art school (both performing and drawing and stuff y’know (is it called visual??))

- Sort of like the same vibe as that show on Netflix called Backstage

- The school would be one of those super prestigious art schools like the Juilliard of their universe

- Tamaki would obviously be there to study piano

- he’d spend hours in the practice rooms and all of the other pianists hate him because he’s got some sort of superhuman power when it comes to booking practice rooms before anyone else

- Kyoya would be vocal performance with a minor in Broadway type acting (help I don’t know the actual terms)

- here I go again rambling about my Kyoya can sing headcanon that I will go down with

-Babey boy would probably be known as one of those people who can sing anything throughout the school

- Everyone from school can tell his voice apart from everyone else’s

- like if they walk past a practice room and hear him singing inside they can tell instantly that it’s him

- like picture this: a senior is giving a freshman a tour of the college and they walk past the practice rooms and inside practice room 3 the Freshman can hear someone singing in the best voice that they have ever heard. The freshman says to the senior with starstruck eyes “Who’s that??” “Ahh” the senior says “That’s Kyoya Ootori, he’s kind of a legend around here”

- Hikaru would be a Shakespearean type actor

- Like he has whole ass monologues on the tip of his tongue at any given moment

- He’s a super good actor however he can’t sing for shit so he could never be in a musical

- He’s secretly jealous because Kyoya can sing so well

- They’re secretly jealous of each other

-Kyoya wishes he could act as well as Hikaru and Hikaru wishes he could sing as well as Kyoya

- Kaoru would be the one to take over their mother’s business and would study fashion and clothing design

- Even though Hikaru is the eldest he had no interest in the family business and decided to pursue acting instead

- Luckily for the Hitachiin family Kaoru took to clothing design from a very early age

- He makes clothes for the rest of the hosts on a regular basis

-He makes all of the clothes that the hosts wear for their performances and art galleries and whatnot

- The drama department loves him because he makes all of their costumes

- Mori would be a sketch artist, a painter, and a sculptor

- He’d basically do everything in the art department from drawing to welding metal figures

- he doesn’t talk much so he communicates through his art as cheesy as that sounds

- He constantly has either paint on his clothes, clay under his nails, or both at the same time

- People in the general public are slightly concerned when he opens his bag and they see a blowtorch inside

- His metal sculptures are littered all across campus

- Some of these sculptures include but are not limited to: A giant replica of Mary Poppins, Patti Lupone (Kyoya legit cried when he saw this one), and a giant metal spider that the students have so aptly named Kenneth

- Kenneth lives on top of the Art building

- Despite the fact that he’s an art student he really loves showtunes and gets really excited to see/hear Kyoya sing them

- Honey is a culinary arts student

- His specialty is (obviously) desserts

- He makes the prettiest cakes and the most delicious meals

- He has to stand on a step ladder to make those giant wedding type cakes

- He constantly smells like a bakery... like constantly

- Haruhi is a violinist

- she treats her violin like a baby. She even keeps it in the child seat part of the cart when she goes to the grocery store

- She goes to the school on a violin scholarship

- She plays a cheap violin she got from a small music store when she was ten with her birthday/Christmas money that she had been saving for years

- The way she plays that cheap little violin you’d think it was a super nice expensive one

- She’s mostly self taught

- When she was young she couldn’t afford lessons so she taught herself to play

- She only began to take lessons when she got to high school

- I imagine when she isn’t playing classical for school her playing sounds a lot like Ada Pasternak

- Ada Pasternak Video: https://youtu.be/YQSzk44hBmk

youtube

- when they don’t live in the dorms they rent a fairly large house that they all live in together (like that house that Sam Golbach, Colby Brock, Corey Scherer, Aaron Doh, Devyn Lundy, Jake Webber, and Elton Castee lived in together)

- Tamaki has a whole ass grand piano in his room

- Nobody’s really sure how he got it in there

- He also has a keyboard that he brings around the house for jam sessions with the other hosts

- They have jam sessions in the living room

- Tamaki brings down his keyboard or he plays the little theatre piano that sits in their living room

- Haruhi brings down her little violin that she loves with all of her heart Kyoya would sing with them

- They’d do stuff like that Ada Pasternak video I put earlier in this post except instead of Haruhi singing it would be Kyoya

- Mori’s room legitimately would not be a bedroom

- It would be an art studio with a Mori sized bed in the corner and a theatre style clothing rack next to it

- he has like four easels all around the room and a desk covered in drawing pads, pencils, ink markers, colored pencils, oil paint, and random multicolored stains

- In the middle of the room he has a raised platform with whatever sculpture he’s currently working on sitting on top of it

- He has a shelf with all sorts of supplies in it

- He has like three different blowtorches, a huge array of paint brushes, different sharp things for his clay sculptures, hammers, a bunch of books on the history of art, and a dirty paint and clay covered apron with random burn holes in it

- Kyoya has like a whole arsenal of throat coat teas and herbal things in his room as well as a kettle and a hot plate

- In the corner he built a small room that only has room for one average sized person to go inside and coated the inside with sound proof padding and that’s where he practices belting and other different vocal techniques

- Kyoya absolutely loves their giant bathroom

- The acoustic qualities make him really excited he loves to sing in there

- Kyoya, Tamaki, and Haruhi sometimes jam in their fantastically acoustic bathroom because they are attracted to good acoustics the same way a moth is attracted to a bright light

- Hikaru has a whole library of scripts in his room

- like his bookshelves are just overflowing with scripts from all the plays he’s been in

- Some books on Shakespeare and the ins and outs of acting are scattered around the bookshelf too but it’s mostly scripts

- On his desk he keeps the script from the show that he’s currently in right in the middle of his desk with a pencil cup in the corner full of pens and highlighters

- He has a huge bulletin board in his room filled with pictures from different shows and different print outs of his favorite monologues and whatnot

- Kaoru’s room is similar to Mori’s in the sense that it’s barely a bedroom at all

- He has a small bed and a small dresser and the rest of the space is filled with his work

- He has a huge desk that is covered in scraps of fabric, scissors, and measuring tape

- He has a HUGE pin cushion in the corner that would be an absolute hazard if it fell to the ground

- Above his desk is a giant bulletin board similar to Hikaru’s except his is less of a collage and more of an idea board

- It’s full of sketches for new designs and has the occasional magazine clipping or inspirational quote

- Honey basically lives in the kitchen

- His room only has a bed and a dresser and a few ginormous bookshelves

- on these bookshelves are countless numbers of cookbooks

- 90% of what’s on these bookshelves is actually just regular notebooks and journal type things full of recipes that Honey has come up with himself

- The kitchen is HIS domain none of the other hosts ever use it other than to get the occasional glass of water or snack here and there

- They basically eat gourmet every night

- He cooks all of their meals and uses them as his guinea pigs

- Luckily for them 99% of the time his food is absolutely delicious

- Their house is full of just bits and pieces of what they do

- Mori’s artwork decorates the entire place

- The centerpiece for their table is a bouquet of metal flowers that Mori made

- His paintings decorate the walls and some of his sculptures sit as decorations in some of the different rooms

- There is sheet music literally all over the house

- nobody bats an eye when hey find the crescendo piece of a classical violin song on the kitchen table

- or when they find the lyrics to a classical opera song jammed in between the couch cushions

- Kaoru will often use Haruhi as his model for his dresses

- he’ll have her put on a tank top and bike shorts and literally build a dress onto her body and by the end she’s walking around the house in a whole ass Victorian style ballgown

- God help their house if Kyoya gets sick before a performance

- The amount of throat coat tea he consumes is absolutely unreal

- He has a little table with shelves behind it in his room with a tea kettle and a hot plate on it

- on the shelves behind it are boxes upon boxes of throat coat and herbal tea and a whole arsenal of mugs

- The house always smells like cooking food because Honey lives in the kitchen and is always cooking something or other

-When it doesn’t smell like food it smells like burning metal because Mori is always working on some sort of metal sculpture with one of his countless blowtorches

- This boy legit keeps a fire extinguisher in his bedroom in case he sets something on fire with said blowtorch

- Christmas season is absolutely wonderful in their house

- Tamaki and Haruhi are playing Christmas songs

- Kyoya is singing them

- Honey is making all sorts of festive dishes (You should see him on Thanksgiving he goes absolutely ham (pun intended))

- Kaoru is making festive outfits

- Mori makes each and every one of their Christmas decorations

- and Hikaru is practicing his lines for the production of A Christmas Carol that he’s in every year (This is his fourth time playing Scrooge!)

- But all in all this is a house where creativity flourishes and they all boost each other’s creativity to the max

- and of course they all graduate and become extremely successful and stay close knit forever

BONUS:

- Renge is also a vocalist she performs with Kyoya very often

- Kasanoda is a ballet student

- People are surprised he does something so graceful and elegant because he looks scary but when you really think about it it fits his personality

- Nekozawa is a poet (Edgar Allan Poe 2.0)

#ouran high school host club #ouran headcanons #kyoya ootori #tamaki suoh #hikaru hitachiin #kaoru hitachiin #takashi morinozuka #mitsukuni haninozuka #ohshc au #art school au #renge houshakuji #ritsu kasanoda #umehito nekozawa #haruhi fujioka

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #270

“please remain calm; the end has arrived. we cannot save you; enjoy the ride.”

Do you own pastel-colored pants? No. What type of lotion do you use? I don't really use it. Nothing seems to help how dry my skin is. What were your favorite clothing stores in high school? Hot Topic. If you could have a car in any color you wanted, which color? Pastel pink, but realistically (given a pink car would probably have a paint job I'd have to pay for, I assume?), I like burnt orange cars. Not too brown-ish, though. What is your favorite color, do you look good in it, & do you wear it a lot? Pink, probably not, and no. Name someone you know who hates pink. Idk. What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? "Nobody's Home." Do you kill bugs? Sometimes. Depends. If they're in my house, most likely. Have you ever had a bedroom that had wallpaper on the walls? No. Do you own any rompers? No. What’s one thing you’ve done to celebrate Earth Day? I made a birdhouse out of a milk carton once. Animal Planet taught me lol. Do you use window clings (aka window stickers)? No. What color is your stapler? Black. Do you have a desk that you sit at in your room? Ugh, no, but that's one reason I want to move to somewhere I have a bigger room for a desk so I don't do everything in my damn bed. What do you miss about college? Feeling like I was worth something and on a "proper" path. Was your middle school crush the same as your high school crush? No. What is/was your dream school? I never had a "dream" school. Do you wish you could talk to someone about your past? If so, who? Idk, probably someone. What motivates you? Music and/or videos on whatever subject I could use motivation in, like self-care on my bad days. Have you ever completed a weight loss program? No. Tried, though. When was the last time you did something for the first time? I went through a doctor appointment entirely without Mom just a few days ago; she had to stay in the car due to chemo, so I filled stuff out, checked in/out alone, answered questions on my own, that business. I'm entirely aware it's sad as hell that a 24 y/o did that for the first time, but if you knew just how dependent I am on my mom, you'd get it. Which do you prefer: Valentine’s Day or Easter? Valentine's when I actually have someone to celebrate with, but I love Easter as an aunt with how excited the kids are about candy and all. Easter sorta rubs me the wrong way though since, y'know, Christianity essentially stole and rebuilt it. Do you wait until the last minute to decorate, or do you decorate early? I myself don't even decorate. Mom only does for Christmas, and it's very last minute. What’s your favorite Starbucks drink? I don't drink Starbucks. What were you wearing in the last good selfie you took? *checks phone* uh the one where I'm wearing a red tank top is okay. That's all you can see cuz FUCK taking full-body pics of me. What’s on your wish list right now? Ha, I actually have a list in my phone of things I really want/need to buy when I can. A few include a bigger terrarium to Venus, a treadmill, an Unus Annus shirt before the channel and thus merch expire, glasses for driving... What do you use to sweeten your tea? I don't drink tea. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, I don't wear enough colors or makeup in general to warrant buying one. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? The aforementioned doctor visit. How would you rate your self-esteem? Low, healthy, or high? Low as like, the deepest oceanic trench probs. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yeah. Were you a bigger fan of Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff? Hilary. Do you make Halloween costumes out of clothes from your closet? Only ever to just be a goth to live out my inner fantasy of regularly flaunting that aesthetic. Do you enjoy putting outfits together? Not particularly. Would you rather it rain or snow? Snow! What does your umbrella look like? Don't have one. What’s one thing you’ve had a toxic reaction to? Do you mean like, emotionally/mentally toxic? I'm guessing probably yes. Even though parts of it were entirely realistic, understandable reactions/behaviors, I most definitely had some toxicity in me regarding the breakup, too. Which do you prefer: cropped tops or tunic tops? Uggghhhh, both are so cute. On me, I'd only ever wear tunic tops, but on others, I tend to find cropped tops cuter. What’s a style or trend that you think is ridiculous? I don't pay enough attention to this to really know... hm. Yeah, idk. Which YouTuber do you want to be more like? I could only dream of being as motivated and smart and determined and "I can do this shit" as Markiplier jfc I Love One Man Only. Do you like stuffed animals? EEEEEEEEK yes!!!! What was your favorite class in high school? Art. Have you ever gotten straight A’s in a class? If so, which classes? Yes; not to brag whatsoever, but too many for me to remember. I remember I got my very first B in 5th grade in I think math, and I was so bummed out. Were there any subjects that you got a perfect SAT score in? If so, what? I don't think so. Are you happy today? If so, what made you happy today? I'm content-ish, not happy, but also not unhappy. Is your bed right by a window? There's one to my upper right and middle left, but my bed's not exactly against either. Do you spend more time in your bedroom or your living room? I barely leave my bedroom. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? Halloween, if I actually did decorate. Do you name stuffed animals still? Very rarely. Depends on what it is, the importance, etc. What titles did you win in the senior class polls? I FUCKIN READ THIS AS "TITTIES" AND WAS JUST LIKE... Anyway, none. Were you popular in school? No. If you’re from the US, what states have you lived in? Only NC. Who was your best roommate? Well, Jason, if he even counted as a "roommate." Was your first roommate your best roommate? See above, considering idk if he fits the term; if he does, then yes. What’s the best family vacation you’ve ever been on? Disney World. Have you ever wanted to be a model? No. What years did you attend prom? Sophomore (bf was a senior and he took me) and senior. What do you want to be for Halloween? I was recently listening to a metal version of Oogie Boogie's song from TNBC and it hit me: MISS Oogie Boogie. A fat bitch could pull that shit off, watch me ho. Which member of your family are you closest to? My mom. If you have any regrets, what is the biggest one? If not, why do you have no regrets? Letting a boy become absolutely all that mattered and more to me. Would you ever apply to be on reality TV? Why? Ew, no. I don't need any more people judging me and my life. What is the best thing that has ever happened to you? The partial hospitalization program that saved my life, literally. Do you have a hard time letting things go? It depends on what it is, but generally, yes. I recently realized one of my greatest flaws: I respond very, very poorly to loss, in any way. Looking back on people (especially people), events, other things... a negative, chronic reaction to loss is present throughout. What have you accomplished in life that has made you the most happy? Emotionally healed, a lot. I don't think some things will ever fully scar over, but nevertheless, I don't mentally have fuckin gashes in me. Have you ever struggled with your weight? Ever since the breakup, yes. I thought I was slightly fat before then, but looking at pictures now, I just think "damn hunny u look gud" and realize I was perfectly healthy. But anyway, I was put on a medication called Abilify (full-on name droppin', fuck this med), and it MURDERED my metabolism. I could eat a fuckin carrot and gain five pounds, probably. Emotional eating probably contributed too, but here's the thing: my current doctor took me off of it, knowing the moment I mentioned it that it was not only bad for me and my conditions but also responsible for the extreme weight gain? Pounds dropped like a ton of bricks, and this started before my emotional eating began to die off and regulate. I lost around 80 pounds just from dropping a goddamn pill. Cue college essay-long rant here about how my body image was slaughtered, how much I loathe the fucking doc that kept me on the med and blamed everything on me, and now how I've been stuck weight-wise for two years despite a vast plethora of methods to continue shedding a;sdlkfajkwlelawe GUYS I could rant til my hypothetical great-grandchildren die. When you are out with your friends are you loud and outgoing or shy and reserved? It depends on who the friend is, where we are, etc., but generally, I'm just awkward, trying to be outgoing when in fact I'm questioning every single thing I say and do al;wekjrkawde this survey has taken a TURN. Do you like to stay in your pajamas all day long? I don't leave my pj's unless I have to leave the house and go inside somewhere besides like, a gas station or something that's just "whatever." In high school did you have a lot of friends? Do you still keep in touch? I wouldn't say a *lot*, no, but not a tiny amount, either. The only one I ever still see is Girt, but I keep up with many on Facebook via the like button and shit, ha. Do you really care about such issues as abortion, religion, and global warming? Fuck yes I do. Who is the biggest womanizer you know? Juan sure was, but I haven't been in contact with him for years. Would you ever have a threesome? No. Who is the most attractive person you know? Of those I personally know-know, my answer will probably always be Alon like jc she's beautiful. When did you last feel the most free? ZOINKS we can't ask that question in America rn. Is there anyone who likes (or liked) you and had a really hard time getting over you? I don't know. Did you ever love someone and feel like it was wrong? Love? No. Well, before I realized I was bi, maybe Mini counts, as then I was anti-LGBT and couldn't even imagine myself as anything but straight. What’s your favorite bug? Butterflies. What’s the longest amount of time you liked/loved somebody for? Yeesh... I still can't say with absolute confidence I no longer love Jason at all, whom I started dating in 2012 and went head over heels for. What song makes you cry? There's a few that are capable of it sometimes, but do fucking not play "Stairway To Heaven" if I'm within 10 miles of you. "Another Life" by MiW usually makes me tear up towards the end, but it normally doesn't get that far anymore. Do you like rock or rap music better? Rock, as I'm not a rap fan. If you could watch someone change, would you? Yes let me live my life a;lsdkfjaws Ever known someone with an eating disorder? I don't know. I think maybe? Have you ever had a white Christmas? I think? The best snow we ever got was late Christmas night though, and the next morning was a total whiteout. What’s something you want to do but aren’t sure of yet? Hm. Idk. I'm pretty sure of most things I want to do. Biggest lie you ever told? I'm not entirely sure and I'd rather not search for one. Do you have a religion? I don't fit perfectly into any. I relate most with Neo-Paganism, but even that I deviate from some. Believe that there is a point to churches? I mean sure, people have the right to believe in/worship what they want to, and some people get a lot of joy and reassurance out of going. How do eat Oreos? "I split them in half and lick the cream before eating the cookie." <<<< Converse or Vans? Idc. Eh, maybe Converse, but idk. Dancing or watching others dance? I love watching others dance, it's why I enjoyed dance recitals and competitions. Favorite thing to touch/feel? My cat! <3 Rather be in a tornado or a large earthquake? Both would be horrifying, but I guess earthquake. I've had an outrageous fear of tornadoes since I was very little. Would you rather Santa or the Easter Bunny actually exist? Santa, duh. Would you rather spread gossip or start a fight? Start a fight, I guess. Trying to sully someone's name with false information would haunt me way more than starting an understandable fight. What has been the best New Year's for you so far & why? I don't know. What is the weirdest fear you’ve ever heard of someone having? Do you have any weird fears, and if so, what are they? Uhhh I think maybe butterflies? Idk, even that's not too weird considering it's an insect, and that's common. I'm personally absolutely terrified of pregnancy and also whale sharks scare me quite a bit. ig that's weird. How did you find Tumblr? lol how could you not know at some point as a teen on the Internet. What of the 8 wonders of the world do you find the most fascinating, if any? I had to look them up lmao. I guess the Great Pyramid of Giza. I in general find Egyptian culture and art to be very cool. Do you have a webcam? If you do, do you ever use it and what for? I mean, it's built into the laptop. I never use it. What is something that you think is really underrated? The band Otep, for one. I mean they're not small, but I don't think most people interested in the metal genre know them. OH and then there are A LOT of YouTube artists that MADLY deserve to be signed. I have a large chunk of metal musicians I listen to, and those especially like Jonathan Young blow my fucking mind they haven't technically "made it," even if they have a large subscriber base. Have you ever had a dream where you died? Did anything weird happen to your body after it? Yes, a few. Now hang with me, okay? One of my worst nightmares as a kid involved the wicked witch from TWoO turning me into one of those fucking party things that you blow into it and the paper unfurls and her using it killed me. Yo idk. I was really scared of that witch as a kid. What’s the scariest dream you’ve ever had? How about the most realistic? It involved my dad and that's all that needs to be said. Realistic? Hm. This was SO long ago that I barely remember *just* how real it felt, but I remember it felt real as fuck. I was very little when this happened. I dreamed that I went outside to our porch because there was a weird light and when I stepped outside, a swan and a goose flew down from the light onto the porch to become my late grandpa and my deeply beloved cat Midnight, who died from sickness. I'm sure it was just a dream now, but back then, I was VERY convinced it was like a vision from God or something, telling me they were okay and with us. Do you have a favorite fashion trend? What is it? Is there a fashion trend right now that you think is completely ridiculous, and if so, what? What do you think was the worst fashion trend of all time? I don't care about fashion enough to go in depth about all this. I'll tell you right now though that mullets were the worst mistake known to mankind. Do you tend to like original horror movies or re-makes better? What’s your favorite horror movie? Is it an original or a remake? If you're remaking an old one, I'll probably like it more since they're generally not nearly as cheesy. Modern horror movies, I don't have much of a preference. My fave is The Blair Witch Project, and it's an original. What is one characteristic in a person that you cannot stand? What characteristics do you like best in a person? Do you possess any of these characteristics? Those that act violent when they're angry, for one. Those scare me. Some traits that I really like are compassion, patience, genuineness, empathy, kindness just for the sake of being so, stuff like that. I'd like to think I've got some of those. It's notable that in my nightmares, I'm way more violent than I actually am, though. What kind of jeans do you like best? When I actually wore jeans, they were like solely skinny jeans. What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you? A very abrupt and poorly-executed breakup after a long-term relationship and falling way, way too hard to be healthy. Does it still bother me? PTSD is stapled on my fucking forehead if you know the slightest about it. I've healed a whole lot, but I'm pretty sure it's a scar that's never going to even fully seal.

#survey #surveys #quiz #questions

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ask-the-phan-site · 5 years ago

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Phan Cam: Phantoms vs Phantoms

>Amity Park, Minnesota, USA. We came here to fulfill a request on a new target in the city most famous for its own phantoms.

Wouldn’t you know? We came here expecting to see ghosts, but everything here just looks like any other town in America.

Give it a second.

>We waited. And sure enough...

BANG!

>Something flew past us and into a wall that collapsed.

Holy shit! You weren’t kiddin’!

>Then, something just phased out of the rubble.

(Art by the original creator of the show, Butch Hartman.)

Well, I guess that’s the end of that truce.

>Then, a ghost emerges forth.

You may have saved the world and the Ghost Zone, kid, but it doesn’t change who or what you are. When I look at you, I still see that punk who wondered into the Ghost Zone and doesn’t know what he’s doing. Someone who needs to be taught a lesson... And I’m the ghost who will teach it.

Danny Phantom: There’s just one problem with that... This punk kid is a man now. And more powerful than ever.

>The fight continues.

That was so cool!

Just try not to forget why we’re here.

Find our target, Vlad Masters, learn his keywords, and take his heart.

Right. So let’s get looking.

Okay. I checked the town directory. I know where we need to go.

>Vlad Masters’ Mansion.

Isn’t this place suppose to be in Wisconsin?

Oracle: As a precaution, if he doesn’t become mayor of Amity Park, Vlad had his mansion moved here to keep an eye on things. Including Axion Labs, the ghost activities, and of course... Maddie Fenton.

I see.

Oracle: I already put his name and this mansion in the Nav. This is definitely where his Palace is. But we still need to know the distortion. What does Vlad see this place as?

Panther: If I had to guess, it must be something that has to do with obsession. Maybe a museum?

Nav: Conditions have not been met.

Fox: I don’t think he’s like that. Perhaps it’s this Ghost Zone everyone speaks of.

Nav: Conditions have not been met.

Skull: This might take some time. I don’t think we’re gonna make it to graduation.

Violet: I don’t think that might be a problem. Our requestor gave us a hint... Valerie Gray.

Do you really think she can help?

Violet: It’s worth a try. I already looked her up. It appears after she finished high school, she moved back to Amity Park. She has an apartment not far from here.

Then let’s get to it!

>A little later, we were now in front of an apartment building. After waiting a while, we managed to see a woman in a red jumpsuit flying by on a hoverboard.

Violet: There she is! Excuse me, Ms. Gray! Excuse me, can I have a word with you?

Hmm. I wonder what she wants.

>Ms. Gray makes a hand motion to us saying that she would like to see us in her apartment. We go up and she lets us in. Inside, it looked a lot like some kind of command center.

Violet: Thank you for inviting us in, Ms. Gray.

Ms. Gray: You’re welcome. Say, haven’t I seen you all in Dream FES?

Violet: (a bit happy) Ah, you saw that?

Ms. Gray: An old friend from high school was watching it online. I got curious and watched it myself.

Joker: And... you’ve been having weird dreams?

Ms. Gray: Well... Yes. Actually, a lot of people have been having dreams since Dream FES... But so far, no problems. So, things are fairly normal... Well, as normal as a town full of ghosts can be.

>I guess that’s a relief.

Ms. Gray: What’s with that look?

No reason.

Ms. Gray: So, what brings all of you here? Doesn’t the school year in Japan end this month?

Panther: We just thought about we’d take a last minute trip before college keeps us busy for a while. And we thought that while we’re here, we would get to know this place a little more.

Ms. Gray: Really? I would think that you could get better info from our town blog or even Mayor Foley.

Panther: We thought we could get info from places no one would think to get it because they might know more.

Ms. Gray: Fair enough. So what do you want to know?

Noir: Well, we know you might find this subject a bit sore, but... What can you tell us about your old boss, Vlad “Plasmius” Masters?

>Ms. Gray suddenly just froze. And then, a look of anger is seen on her face.

Ms. Gray: That creep who tricked me into doing his dirty work? That guy doesn’t deserve to be known about! He uses people and ghosts just to get what he wants. How sick can one man get? Why would you want to know about him?

Queen: (a little nervous) We thought we could look into the mind of a supervillain to know more about them. You know, like last minute school work.

Ms. Gray: But aren’t you already friends with the Wall Crowler? Can’t you ask him to bring one to you?

Queen: I doubt he can get us a villain with ghost powers. We thought of asking you because you used to work for him.

Ms. Gray: (groans) Fine. What do you want to know?

Queen: Well, we know he brought his mansion here from Wisconson. What does he think of it?

Ms. Gray: I don’t know. I’ve never actually been to it. But if I had to guess... It would probably have to do with Maddie Fenton. Seriously, that guy’s obsessed with her. The lady’s already married and has kids! He even named his cat after her. I swear, it’s like... It’s like he worships her day and night.

Worships her day and night? Like, in a temple?

Ms. Gray: Pretty much.

Queen: Thank you, I think that’s all we need to know.

Ms. Gray: That’s it?

Queen: You’d be surprised how much you just helped us.

Ms. Gray: (a little confused) ... Okay. I suppose.

Queen: That’s good to hear. Again, thank you, Ms. Gray.

Ms. Gray: ... You know what? Just call me Valerie. Val for short.

Alright then, Val.

>With that, we leave... Val, however, was curious about what we just said.

>Back at the mansion, we gathered.

Oracle: Okay, let’s see if it works! Temple.

Nav: Results found. Updating guidance system.

We’re in! Are we ready?

>We all nod in agreement.

It’s showtime!

>Behind some bushes.

Val: What on earth?

Nav: Beginning navigation.

>The familiar red wave passes over us. When it was over, the mansion had transformed into a temple version of itself with a large statue of Maddie Fenton wearing northing but a large white cloth and in the same pose as the Birth of Venus.

Oh my! I know Maddie Fenton looks a little perfect for that pose, but this might be a little too much.

Are you nuts!? It’s disgusting! I can’t believe this is how he sees this place! Vlad needs to get a life and leave her alone!

Queen: Panther, keep it down. The Shadows could hear us.

Mona: She right. Look, our clothes haven’t changed yet. That means we haven’t been perceived as a threat yet. So we need to be careful and be alert.

Joker: For now, let’s just see what we can find.

>We nod and go on... Back behind the bushes...

Val: What is going on?

>At the entrance, we look around. We know we can’t go in through the front entrance, so we try to find another way in. After searching for a while, we find what looks like a side door to the servant quarters.

Skull: I’m surprised this place has somethin’ like this.

Queen: It may be a temple, but it’s still a mansion.

Mona: Give me a second, I’ll pick the lock.

>After a couple of attempts, he manages to get the door open. Inside what looks like a kitchen, the staff was busy making meals. What made them a bit disturbing, they all looked the same: A big fat man in an orange jumpsuit with black glove and boots and he had black hair with white high lights.

Skull: What’s with these guys?

Queen: If I had to guess, this is Jack Fenton, Maddie’s husband. Vlad’s been jealous of him ever since the accident that gave Vlad his powers.

Panther: I wonder how did someone like Jack Fenton get her.

Noir: Who knows? Love is blind, but a perfect guide.

You can say that again.

Indeed.

Mona: I know they’re cognitions, but we don’t want to get their attention. Does anyone know a way past them?

>I look around and I see a support beam stretching over the kitchen.

Joker: We can try that.

>We get on the beam and walk over it. We manage to get to the other side and managed to find a way to the foyer. The place was completely decored with all things Maddie Fenton, including a large nude statue of Maddie with a nude Vlad.

How could this be? This isn’t even art anymore.

This is bullshit! Vlad is no different than Kamoshida!

???: I can see that.

>We quickly turn to see we have been followed... No way, it’s...

Val: Care to explain all of this?

Oh no, this could be bad!

Val: It’s about to get worse if you don’t talk. What’s going on? I know this has something to do with Vlad.

Joker: Well... Maybe.

Val: I know you guys are going to do something to him... And I want in.

What!?

Val: You heard me. I want in.

Joker: (whisper) Mona, what do we do?

Mona: (also whispering) I don’t know, Joker. Valerie may be a great fighter, but that’s ghosts, this is Shadows. But we can’t send her off because she might tell someone.

Joker: I guess we have no choice. We have to let her join in. Besides, she knows Vlad and might be able to help us. (out loud) Alright, you can come with us, but stay close to us.

Val: Good. I won’t let you down. Vlad owes me big time for everything he’s done to me.

?????? ????: You think so?

Everyone: !

>We turn up to the balcony at the end of the hall to see a man who looked like he was dressed like some kind of pope in black robes and his pope hat had a picture of Maddie Fenton instead of a cross. He also had blue skin, a black goatee, shart teeth, and his eyes were completely yellow (I think they’re supposed to be red).

Val: (with a look of hatred) Vlad Plasmius.

Panther: That’s him?

Oracle: More like his Shadow.

Val: His what?

Shadow Vlad: Valerie Gray, as clueless as ever. And you brought these thieves over as well? If you are trying to get back into my good graces, I’d rather you bring me Goddess Maddie’s heart... Or Danny Phantom’s head.

Val: Now that sounds a little morbid, even for you. But it doesn’t matter, you’re here, now I can get my revenge!

>Val readies her weapon.

Shadow Vlad: Foolish girl, did you really think I wouldn’t be prepared for this?

>Shadow Vlad snaps his fingers and three Shadows that look like ghosts appear. Val began shooting at each one but they keep dodging it.

Shadow Vlad: You’re out of your league, Gray, these aren’t your average spooks that you’re used to. I rule this sacred place with my beloved Maddie. No one shall defy the rules.

>Suddenly, in a flash of blue energy, our clothes change.

Our clothes.

He must perceive us as a threat now.

Yes, we can fight now. Let’s do it!

Val: You’re going to fight?

It’s what we do.

Shadow Vlad: Fine. If you wish to become ghosts yourself, be my guest.

>With a snap of his fingers, the Shadows change shape.

Here goes! Persona!

>Necronomicon scans the three Shadows.

Oracle: I got it! They’re weak to Nuclear and Gunfire. Queen, Noir, beat ‘em up!

Queen: We won’t fail you. Noir?

I’m with you all the way!

Queen and Noir: Persona!

I’m in, too. Persona!

(Hope we don’t get flagged for this.)

>I change Personas.

Joker: Persona!

>Anzu 1 uses Masukukaja. Anzu 2 uses Garula on me. Anzu 3 also uses Garula on Panther. Johanna uses Marakukaja. Milady uses Triple Down. All the Anzus dodge it. Carmen uses Dekaja. Thoth uses Mafreila. Two of the Anzus were knocked down. I pass the baton to Queen and Johanna uses Freila on the remaining Anzu.

Queen: Let’s wipe ‘em out!

>After the attack, the Anzus were gone.

WARNING

>More Anzus appear.

Oracle: More enemies! Be careful!

>Anzu 1 uses Masukukaja. Anzu 2 uses Garula on me. Anzu 3 uses Garula on Noir, but she dodges it. Johanna uses Mafreila. All the Anzus are gone.

WARNING

>More Anzus appear.

Oracle: More!?

Noir: Don’t worry, we can still take them.

>Milady uses Triple Down and all the Anzus are gone.

WARNING

>Even more Anzus appear this time, with a new Shadow.

Shadow Vlad: Fight all you want, I have more where they came from.

Oracle: He’s right, there’s too many coming!

This looks bad. What are we gonna do?

Oracle: I don’t know. There seems to be too many.

But there has to be something we can do.

Oracle: If only we could find a way out.

Val: I’ll make us a way out.

>Val tries to use blaster, but the Shadows pin her down.

Shadow Vlad: Did you think it would be that easy? After all these years, you still haven’t learned. I am always one step ahead. No matter what you do, I will always win.

Val: (scoffing) And this coming from the guy who got his butt beat by a high schooler.

Shadow Vlad: True, I have had many setbacks, but now I’ve learned. And now that I’ve returned from the void, I can finally take my revenge on the one person other than Jack Fenton who ruined my life. His son. And what of you, Valerie Gray. What have you’ve been up to? You think that now you’re improved on some of your tricks that everyone will treat you better. Come now, girl, in the end, many people still see you as a villain. You tried to destroy the hero who saved Amity Park and the world. I doubt anyone will want to be friends with you now.

Val: I don’t need friends. I only need my approval.

Shadow Vlad: Oh, and what about... Your father?

>Val just became silent.

Shadow Vlad: I see, you haven’t told him, have you? That right after you moved back to Amity Park, you went back to ghost hunting.

Val: I... I was going to tell him. I just... I just...

Shadow Vlad: You just can’t. You’re afraid that if he knew that you went behind his back resuming ghost hunting when he told you to stop for your own safety, he would hate you forever.

Val: That’s... That’s...

Shadow Vlad: Yes. In the end, you’re just Daddy’s girl. You can’t do anything without upsetting someone... But how about you return to work for me? Do this, and I’ll see to it that won’t happen. Ever.

>Val wasn’t sure what to think. What was to be done?

Val: I... I...

>Are you giving up? >Don't do it! >>Find your own answer.

Val: Huh?

Noir: He’s right. I know what it’s like, Valerie chan. I also cared about my father. He was all I had in my life. But I learned that you need to be able to make your own decisions when the time comes. You love your father, that’s why you think of doing this. To protect him. And if your father thinks that what you are doing is wrong, you need to show him that you are doing this for everyone...

Including him.

>Val thought about this.

Joker: Hear her, Valerie, she speaks from experience. You are not alone. You don’t have to do this on your own.

We will help you if you need it most. Believe in us.

>Valerie thought more... She finally knew.

Shadow Vlad: (sarcastic clapping) That’s a fine friendship speech you gave, but you’re just wasting your breath. You are about to become real phantom thieves. So you might as well-

Val: Just can it already!

Shadow Vlad: !

>Val manages to push away all the Shadows pinning her down. We could tell that Vlad’s Shadow was getting nervous.

Val: I know I can’t undo the past. I know everyone despises me for what I tried to do to Danny. Even I’m starting to regret what I did. But I won’t let that stop me from living. I will keep living the way I think I should with no one telling me what to do. Not my father. Not Danny. Not anyone... ESPECIALLY NOT YOU!

>...

Voice in Val’s head: I see you the real you now.

>Val suddenly clutches her head in pain as her eyes turn a gold color.

Voice in Val’s head: The silence has been broken and you will no longer go unspoken... You can gain the power from within if you are willing to take it... From the beyond, you will accomplish many things... I am thou. Thou art I... Care to see just how far you can go? Then our contract is agreed upon... Though you will walk a different path... It will lead you to the light!

>Then, a mask similar to the on Val once wore appears on her face. But they had some black markings on it. Then, Valerie begins painfully pulling the mask off. When she manages to rip it off, a large burst of energy appears behind her and something appears from it. A woman who looked similar to Carmen, however, her clothes looked more like they came from 19th century America. It was yellow with a white cloak with pictures of red flowers on it, blonde hair, and, instead of love-obsessed men, she had pumpkins.

Val: Amazing. I can feel the magic in this. Right, now I know what I can do about this.

>Valerie’s Persona uses Mafreidyne and destroys all the Anzus.

Whoa! Her Persona is powerful.

Val: Alright, Vlad, you’re next. You won’t be a problem for others again. I’ll make sure of that!

Shadow Vlad: If you say so, feel free to die here. I’ll let the Cleaning Jacks do the rest.

>With a snap, Shadow Vlad was gone and three more Anzus appear.

Val: I may prefer to do things alone, but I will count on friends when we need each other. So I will do what I can for others who need it.

Will you be able to do it?

Val: With Van Tassel by my side, nothing can stop us.

Oracle: That Shadow, Norn, has no weaknesses. And you may have to get a bit strong for this.

Noir: And we’ll do it. Queen? Joker?

Queen: We’re ready.

Joker: Let’s do it.

>Noir and Queen both go Ultimate and I change Personas.

Noir, Queen, and Joker: PERSONA!

>Van Tassel uses Mafreidyne. The three Anzus are knocked down. Val uses Masukukaja. Astarte uses One-shot Kill on Norn. It was a critical hit.

Noir: Time to punish them!

>After the attack, the Anzus are gone, but Norn is still here. Anat uses Marakukaja. Asura uses Atomic Flare. Norn uses Garudyne on Val. But thanks to her Persona, she absorbs it. Van Tassel uses Bufudyne. Norn is Frozen. Astarte uses One-shot Kill. It was a technical hit as the ice shatters. Anat uses Flash Bomb. Norn becomes Dizzy. Asura uses Atomic Flare. It was another technical hit. Norn tries to attack Queen, but it misses. Val uses her blaster. Another technical hit. Noir attacks with her ax. Another technical hit. Anat uses Atomic Flare.

Oracle: I think it’s almost finished. Joker, care to land the final blow?

>With that, Norn was down.

Joker: It’s showtime!

>With that, the battle was over.

Way to go, everyone!

Mona: And I think we have someone new on our team.

Val: Seems that way.

Noir: That Persona was very powerful.

Val: Thanks. I didn’t even know I have one.

Mona: Everyone has a Persona. You just have to know how to use it.

Oracle: But right now, we better leave for now. I’m detecting more Shadows coming.

Joker: Right. Let’s retreat.

>With that, we leave. We’ll be back.

>Today, everyone in Amity Park still comes to the Nasty Burger, even though business has been failing due to the unstable condiments.

>We arrived here to explain the situation.

Val: So, you guys are the famous Phantom Thieves of Hearts.

Skull: Pretty much. You surprised?

Val: Only by the fact that I was considered a target.

Noir: True. But we checked the Metaverse Navigator. You don’t have any distorted desires. Besides, there’s no reason to, anymore. You have a Persona. I think it’s clear that you are a good person.

Val: Now why would you think that?

Beats us. But that’s how it is.

Joker: So, now we have to ask, will you join us and help us take Vlad’s heart? If we don’t, Danny and his love ones are doomed. Including you and your father.

Val: A chance to finally get back at Vlad for everything he’s don? ... I’m in.

Then welcome aboard.

Oracle: Now, I managed to get in contact with a fellow computer freak who visits Amity Park a lot from far away. He says that Vlad plans to take his revenge on the 17 of this month.

Queen: So we must establish a route and deliver the calling card two days prior, the 15.

Val: Then we better do it. (takes up her soda) To our new partnership.

>We take up our sodas and tap them together... Some people noticed.

Hey, Val, long time no- Wait a sec... It is! It’s Ryuji Sakamoto of KUROFUNE!

No kidding, Dad, I recognize that bleached hair anywhere.

Val: Ah, the Baxter Family.

And Kwan.

Hi, Val. It’s been a while.

Hey, Aunt Val.

Val: Hi. Actually, Dash is the one who showed me that live stream of Dream FES.

...

Jazz Baxter: We thought about having a family outing and we don’t mind having another join us since Danny, Sam, and their kids couldn’t make it. And your new friends are welcome, too.

Val: Thanks, but we kind of have this night booked.

Dash Baxter: C’mon, this might be mine and Jessie’s chance to get a boy band autograph.

Dwight Baxter: As if you don’t already have enough already.

Jessie: You’re no fun.

(taking out a pen) Oh, boy. This is gonna be a long night.

>So the night wears on. We will take Vlad’s Treasure and make sure the Fenton/Manson/Baxter Family will be safe.

(Some character images were from ScarletGhostX.)

#phantom thieves cam

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itsachels · 5 years ago

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Italy; pt. 2

Venice, Florence, & Rome

I have to open my heart up a bit before I post. Midway through writing this, I got hit with the most overwhelming feeling of “Who on earth wants to read all of this?” That’s part of the struggle with writing. I know travel stories are usually a lot more fun for the traveler to tell than it is for the audience to listen to. That’s why it’s so fun for me to write this, because I don’t do much “story telling” after trips for fear of boring people. I can see it on their faces and it’s a little hurtful but that’s okay. I’ve been in their place enough times to not take it personally. So anyways, this is my first opportunity to tell about Italy from front to back. To be frank, no one has to read this. A big part of keeping confidence with this blog is reminding myself that this is all for me, not to please an “audience”. But it’s hard, you know? I always want some kind of approval, even if it’s never spoken…it hurts more than it should, to think someone might read my stuff and think it’s “stupid” or “pointless”. It’s all very dear to my heart so I just want others to appreciate it the way I do. If you do choose to read this…thank you! You are so appreciated, and I hope it inspires you!

Venezia

It has been so hard getting around to typing this story out. My baby is at such a clingy stage right now, which makes it hard to sit down and do this. Normally during his naps, I get housework done, but today I’m just going to ignore the mountain of dirty dishes so I can finally write. If you haven’t read Part 1, you can find it here.

On our last day in the Puglia region of Italy, we meant to go to Alberobello, but there was major confusion with the buses. Sometimes transportation was tricky, since it was all so unfamiliar. At home, if I want to go somewhere, I just jump in my car. I don’t have to worry about reading bus schedules, let alone reading them in a different language. So that left us stranded in Bari with nothing to do. We eventually ended up on a bench outside of McDonald’s, playing Sudoku and listening to music.

When it was finally time to hop on the train to Venice, we had a 7-hour train ride ahead of us. We didn’t get to there until 10 pm, so finding our air b&b was tricky. We eventually found it down a creepy dark alley (my mom’s heart rate probably just quickened). It was a studio apartment with barely any room to walk, incredibly low ceilings, and a broken shower. But it had windows that opened up to the canal and that was honestly all I wanted. We paid $88 a night which is dirt cheap to stay on the canal in Venice. It’s senseless to splurge on hotel rooms, in my opinion, when you’re only sleeping there. The more you spend, the more pressure you feel to stay and get your money’s worth rather than going out to explore the city.

We had one of our few “American” breakfasts the next morning. I say that because breakfast in Italy usually means a pastry with a cappuccino or juice. It’s hard to find places that’ll serve you much more than that. It was delicious, and this cute little café is where I had my first real Italian espresso experience. And you can bet it was my last.

We found our way to St. Mark’s square and basilica and I couldn’t stare at that church long enough! The exterior was amazing. We opted out of Doges Palace because it was expensive. I think its important to be able to let yourself miss out on things…just because it’s on most people’s itinerary, doesn’t mean it has to be on yours. Save the time and money for things you just can’t leave without experiencing. We spent our extra time that day sitting on the edge of a canal, watching gondolas pass by and soaking in the sunshine.

We stumbled into the Galleria dell’ Accademia. It wasn’t originally part of our itinerary (we barely had one to begin with), but we saw a sign saying Leonardo DaVinci’s art was on display, including “Vitruvian Man”. Alex was so excited to see it, which made me enjoy it even more.

One regret I have is not noting the names of some restaurants we liked. Like, I still daydream about the paninis and peach bellini we had that day. Anyways, around that area we saw the Bridge of Sighs. In case you don’t know the backstory, it was the bridge prisoners were led across on the way towards their execution. The little gated windows gifted them with one last view of Venice.

After some souvenir shopping on the Rialto bridge, we napped back at the room. Not to be dramatic, but I almost couldn’t walk anymore. That was followed up with dinner at a cute little restaurant that reminded me of the Lady & the Tramp’s spaghetti & meatballs scene. We pigeon-watched in a small plaza afterwards, listening to the water flow down the canal and talking until sundown. It was pretty romantic, if I do say so myself. If I had to describe Venice in one word, it’d be that: romantic.

Thus, ended our one day there. I wish we had more time. We ate cereal and yogurt in our room the next morning, dropped the key in the box, and rode the vaporetto back to the train station. By afternoon, we would be in Alex’s #1 bucket list city: Florence.

Firenze

When I look back on Florence I mainly think of gelato, drizzling rain, ceilings covered in intricate and vivid paintings, and of course the Renaissance architecture (I’m looking at you, Maria del Fiore).

Our hotel (Hotel Lorena) in Florence was so sweet. It was basically a hole in the wall; we almost didn’t see the entrance when we were walking past. It was owned by the nicest man with the strongest Italian accent I’ve ever heard. His mother was his assistant🥺, and she while she showed me to our room she asked about my pregnancy and said a baby boy is one of the greatest gifts I will ever receive. I wish I could tell her how right she was!

Okay. I have to talk about the Medici Chapelle Ristorante. I will never forget that meal, in all my days. The best part was the cocoli…fried dough drizzled in honey…a Tuscan beignet. That one in a lifetime meal was followed by gelato, on the steps of the Medici chapel, before turning in for the night.

The next day was big because we were setting out for the Duomo. It was only a couple of blocks away from Hotel Lorena; we had a view of it from our bedroom window. It rained a good bit but we still had fun seeing the incredible exterior of the church and the inside, which was also beautiful. We were blessed to be able to attend mass there. Did you know that in 1601, lightning struck the copper sphere on top of the cathedral, and it smashed into the ground? You can not appreciate how far that ball fell until you’re standing in the building’s shadow. There’s a marble circle marking the spot where it landed.

The bell tower had an unforgettable view of the city and goes higher than the church’s dome, which is what people normally choose as their viewpoint. The stairway was so narrow, there were times I seriously wasn’t sure the crowd could get through. At least all the work was well worth the view.I am not ashamed of what we spent as Ditti Artigeniale the next morning because we were desperate for one of those “American” breakfasts I was talking about. It gave us plenty of energy for exploring Pitti Palace and all of its beautiful painted ceilings. Why don’t we decorate like that anymore???? In the backyard were the Boboli gardens, which were by far one of the prettiest sights I saw on our trip. A garden on a hill, in full bloom, with the Tuscan countryside for a backdrop? Yes, please.

No, we didn’t see the statue of David. Remember our conversation about where to put your money? We didn’t want to put it there. I just really didn’t want to spend $50 to see a statue I wasn’t very excited about. We settled for a free viewing of its replica, which happened to be near the Fountain of Neptune. If you stare at any chunk of concrete in Florence, let this fountain be it. It was breathtaking. I feel like this whole paragraph could be very offensive to an art connoisseur. Sorry!!! I’m sure David is very handsome and I am not comparing the fountain to a chunk of concrete.

Florence was a lot like Polignano a mare in the fact that we spent so much time walking around, stumbling into churches and shops and just trying to figure out where to eat next. We had a very slow pace on this trip and didn’t hesitate to stop by our hotel for a nap when we felt a yawn coming on. A nap in Italy is better than a nap at home! Our days were really simple and easy. No pressure, no running to “fit it all in”. It was unhurried strolling, easy conversation, and letting the day unravel however it wanted to.

Rome

A harsh contrast from that last paragraph: Rome was intense. My legs were bruised from all the walking. One evening I tried to wipe off what I though was bluish dirt (?) on my thighs, and when it wouldn’t give, I realized they were bruises! Not from bumping into anything but just from the stress of carrying a baby all over the city. And our b&b was just weird. People didn’t seem to understand “modesty” when walking out of the bathroom, our host was kind of a stick in the mud, and it was down a sketchy/dirty street. I know it sounds like I’m complaining, but I’m not. It was so cheap and steps away from the metro. It was also above a corner shop that sold delicious cappuccinos and pastries for only 2 euros, so that supplied our breakfast every day. We didn’t mind all the little annoyances and it just made for more memories. Believe me, Rome was beyond worth it.

We started with a free walking tour guided by a local college student. He did amazing; these tours are a good way to get your feet wet in a new city. It gives you a feel for the layout and your guide can share little things that you wouldn’t know otherwise. For example, in the Piazza del Popolo, we had sat under a big statue playing i-spy. We just thought it was a nice place to people-watch. As it turns out, we were sitting in the shadow of a 4000+ year old Egyptian obelisk. We never would’ve known! Our guide also took us to the Pantheon; Alex was so cute with how excited he was.

Before the tour, when we saw the Spanish steps (so beautiful in person), we went to the church at the very top. If you paid a euro or two, you could light a prayer candle. We lit one for Noah. It’s really special to me that he was on that trip with us, even though he was obviously still in the womb. Because we want to continue traveling as a family, it felt like the beginning of something exciting.

That was just day one…the rest of our Rome adventure included the Colosseum and surrounding areas, lots of people-watching in different piazzas, an interesting night in the Trastevere neighborhood, a fun little trip to the countryside to tour the Catacombs, and aaaall the glory of the Vatican. Rome deserves a longer piece, but I feel like I’ve exhausted myself sharing what I have so far. I’ll save it for a rainy day. Even then, though, I simply cannot tell all about Rome without writing a whole book. I wish I could share every funny story and mishap and surprise. You just have to see it for yourself.

And that is my story of Italy. If you’re debating a trip, go. It’s a gem you get to carry in your heart for a lifetime after. I hope reading this inspires some ideas!

#italy #rome #florence #venice #polignano #a mare #travel #adventure #cappuccino #pastries #story

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asymmetryl · 5 years ago

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MoCA exhibit make up- part 2

My favorite piece from the With Pleasure show at MoCA was Cynthia Carlson’s Tough Shift for M.I.T. from 1981. The work caught my eye immediately because the work spans several walls across two or three rooms in the museum space, and I was able to get up close and personal with the artwork, to an extent.

The work itself is all attached to the walls of the museum as a wallpaper that is decorated with varying kinds of flowers that are spaced about two inches away from each other on all sides, and are made up of strings of thick acrylic paint that was squeezed through a pastry tube and has dried after it was given the shape of the flowers it was representing. While you can’t really tell what kind of flowers adorn the wallpaper, they are all long-stemmed and branch off into smaller stems that are topped with either purple, yellow, or bright pink flowers. Despite there only being three colors of flowers on the wallpaper, no two flowers look exactly the same. The wallpaper itself also varies; it begins with a bright pink wallpaper that changes into a deep red color that transitions into bright yellow and fades into white as you move on to the next room and eventually stops as you move away from the work in the museum space. Lastly, spaced around about every couple feet on the wallpaper, there are what appear to be construction paper or painted squares into the wall of varying colors like yellow that contain a black background inside that looks like black paper. Each of these squares look similar to a photo frame or a canvas you would hang on your wall, and each one of these makeshift frames contain a sketchy but detailed drawing of a flower, and each one is different.

The work was made in a time where women artists were not taken too seriously, in a time not too long ago when art made by women was not considered to be high art or as good as art made by men. I think that the artwork by Carlson was made through a critical and feminist lens that is found when looking at the time period it was made and when looking at what the work can be representing. I never thought about wallpapers and nicely painted frames of flower drawings as art, and I don’t think many people at the time did, either. Art in the 60s and 70s was more about abstract and minimalist gestures, and the decades before were about process and deeper logical meanings that were assigned to artwork that required thought to appreciate. The modern art had moved away from conventionally pretty, and aesthetically pleasing art that included flowers and vases and other decorative art. Carlson’s piece stands in stark contrast to the work from those previous decades prior to her work, and her work challenges the ideas that everyday sights like wallpaper and interior decor can’t be art. Her work is entirely decorative and ornamental and blurs the lines between sculpture and painting at once. I think that the work can definitely also be read as a feminist work because it was made at a time when women still weren’t recognized much for their artwork, and if they wanted to be recognized, it would only be possible if they were making their work in the likeness of what those who dominated the artworld, namely men, thought was worth anything or had any real value. While Tough Shift for M.I.T. goes against minimalism and what was seen as worthy of being called art at the time, it is also emobdying everything that would be associated with femininity; the artwork is wallpaper and it is pink, it is purple and yellows and delicate, light, and pale colors while being adorned with small pretty flowers and hanging paintings of even more flowers. These aspects of her piece are always associated with women and with things you would find in a home, often seen as the place where women belong.

I think that in terms of a larger social context, the work may not have been well received or cared about much during the time period. Personally, I had never heard about the Pattern and Decoration movement in any of my classes in five years of college, and I had a hard time finding anything about it online. Despite this, I think it’s important that the work is being given recognition right now in such a known museum space. I think that Carlson’s work is still important today in a time where women are still not given as much artistic exposure as men, not only in terms of what we consider to be fine art, but also in terms of directing, movies, music, etc. Tough Shift for M.I.T. really resonated with me because I also like to paint flowers and use bright colors to make things that matter to me in art. Even so, I feel like I should be making more abstract or minimalist art that would be appealing in a formal art space, and it’s a nice change to see art that appeals to me on a personal level in a museum be accepted as important.

Overall, I liked part of the exhibition. I had never heard of the movement or any of the artists that were on display, but I think it was successful in showing off how patterns and objects we see as decoratives, like rug patterns and hand fans, can be works of art all their own. While the feminist ideals behind the work are important to put out into the world and to show how art can come from all sorts of mediums and can be regarded as important even if it seems to be cheap an decorative, I do have criticisms of the works. My biggest criticism of the work, which unfortunately tainted the importance of it to me, was the appropriation that I saw present in many, if not most, of the artworks hanging in MoCA. The works stood out to me a lot when I saw the fan and especially the textile works. The works are appropriating several cultures; I saw African, Islamic, Asian, and indigenous peoples’ cultural works and patterns being used by women who are not of these cultures, and I think that it deserves to be scrutinized as being culturally insensitive. I always try to look at art and at media through an intersectional lens, and in this case it brought me to be critical of the work that was being insensitive. I think that for the textiles to be successful, it would have to have been done by the people of those cultures. While artists like Al Loving and Faith Ringgold draw from their cultures to create work that is relevant to them and it’s important that their backgrounds and their cultures’ decor is being celebrated, when artists like Robert Kushner take aesthetics from other regions and cultures that are not their own, it says that “ethnic” aesthetics are profitable if they are shown off to the world by white bodies. The people who are given the space are mainly white, and to show off cultures that are not widely accepted in museum spaces takes agency away from the peoples who are unable to represent themselves, even if this was not the intention of the artists. Despite the criticism, I enjoyed looking at the works that were not appropriating, and I think they were nice to look at and inspiring in terms of finding creative way to use acrylic paints and threads and fabrics.

#MoCA

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gardeniaresilia-archive · 5 years ago

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Thanks for the reply! I’m planning on studying art in college so I’ve been asking people about their experiences. Have you done many traditional art/graphic design classes yet? What kind of classes have you taken? Do you enjoy the way art classes are in college? Sorry if I’m bugging you or asking too many questions

No, no! You’re fine! I’m gonna put this under a read-more because this is super lengthy (don’t worry I put a TLDR at the end to spare you). And...my university is not an “Art School”, it’s a US State-Ordained-University with Liberal Education and all that shiny extra stuff that just happens to have a Bachelor-in-Fine-Arts program.

***I should start this by putting a disclaimer that these are just experiences I’ve had that are exclusive to me and my time at my specific school, and that this (hopefully) isn’t the experience around the globe.***

At my school, the Art program is super underfunded. In the entirety of the Bachelor of Fine-Arts (to be referred to as BFA) before being divided down into the emphasis studies, there’s 120 of us, and half of those students are pursuing Graphic Design, including myself. A measly 10 students of that 120 are pursuing Art Education.

To get in to the program at my uni, you need to finish some prerequisite courses then do the “Post-Foundation Portfolio Review”, where you submit twelve works, six of which were from these courses and six more that you’ve done during your time at college (high school work is not allowed), as well as a sketch book. You hang up the works on a wall, and you have a talk with two professors in the program about your work, what you wanna do with your time in the program you choose, your interests in the field, etc. Make sure to study some terms and be able to answer questions using art terms (you’re allowed cheat-sheet notecards and they have a pamphlet available beforehand so you’re prepared). I’ll leave this at this for now, but if you have deeper detail questions about my specific experience doing this feel free to ask!

To put it into perspective, we had two Graphic Design professors for 60 students, but one just took an Administrative position as of this past spring and can only do one class/semester starting this fall. However, between the two, a lot of people disliked him so it’s not a huge loss to the students in terms of personality. He was a stickler and it was his way or the highway in terms of grades so...nyeh. It’s just unfortunate because the other Professor is a kind soul who doesn’t deserve potentially putting on the full classloads every semester, and I don’t know if we’re getting another professor.

Anyway, my school has the following emphases/focuses under the BFA: Art Education, 2D Studio, 3D Studio, Graphic Design, and it used to have Interdisciplinary Arts (AKA “other”), but that didn’t have enough interest so that went away, but they still offer the oddball classes like Animation (which I’m taking this fall!!) and 3D-Printing.

To sum each Emphasis:

Art Ed is exactly how it sounds. Learn to be an Art Teacher, learn crafts to do with kids, learn how to make lesson plans.

2D Studio is your traditional media that includes Drawing (which charcoal... personally bleugh), Painting, Printmaking, Figure Drawing, etc.

3D Studio is the Pottery and...whatever else those funky 3D Studio people do. They’re all cool people though.

Graphic Design, my area of study, is things like Typography, Package Design, Logo Design, Photography, etc. That’s almost entirely on a computer and making a printed finished product.

As a BFA at my uni, you’re required to take some history classes, and if you’re not an Art History Major/Minor (which doesn’t fall under the BFA I think) you’d have to take classes from the other focuses to make you, and I quote “a more well-rounded student”. Which, for me I don’t mind. I like drawing, and I can get headaches from working on my devices all day. Therefor, staring at paper absentmindedly laying down hues and shades can be really cathartic and good rest from those harmful blue lights and whatever. I’m also not required to take a language because the BFA credit load is massive compared to a lot of the other non-fine-art or art-related Majors.

To get down into my studies even farther, we’re required to take classes around Typography and doing letterwork type things, as well as classes just titled “Graphic Design I/II/III” which is just doing random graphic projects. Some of these have included making paper booklets, posters, decorative-yet-working UPC/barcodes, etc., and I’m moving into the higher levels, which means I can kinda take what I want. In it’s higher levels, my university offers Package Design, Company Identity/Branding (IE creating your own brand 101), and a few other ones.

Critiques I’ve had with my Graphic Design classes include putting up proofs on the wall to talk about, then open floor with the rest of the class and Professor to talk about and give advice. Then when the final is due, you generally mount it and submit your process book (a binder that you keep all semester with all your WIPS/proofs and studies and inspirations from all the projects), put it up on the wall again, talk about it sometimes, then turn the mounted project in and move on to the next thing. There isn’t much actual homework other than the projects themselves and the prep assigned with it, but some professors assign extra busywork, some don’t. Critiques aren’t also super formal either.

My traditional art classes range from working with charcoal to working with ink, paint, whatever else. You can either be working on a flat table at times or with an easel, and the projects can be either really specific or really random. I’ve really only taken drawing-oriented classes up until this point, and I have a love-hate relationship with most of my professors. They know what they like and know what they don’t, and they generally dislike the “anime” artstyle. I’ve developed a slightly more cartoony looking style for when I am allowed to not try to do realism. Realism and still-lives are going to be a prevalent thing. Especially in the lower level classes. From what I understand you can get jiggy with it in higher classes kind of, but I don’t know.

Critiques include putting up only the final, talking about the process and using art terms and trying to sound smart, and then open forum discussion about the piece. It’s not suuuper formal, but still.

Last but not least! Make friends! Because friends can help critique your work before formal critiques, help make your processes look good in the “formal” critiques by saying “yeah I watched them do this, it was super cool seeing it go from sketch to this!”, and plus you get into this hilarious relationship of going to art stores together and buying each other cute art supplies and paper for projects and it’s a good time.

TLDR; my school has my program severely underfunded, Professors are all generally also real artists pursuing jobs and freelancing outside of teaching, be ready to bow down to what your Professors want to get a good grade, and generally don’t draw in an anime-style. Also try to get good at faking being able to public speak because trust me, you’ll need it. And make friends, not enemies because these people will be your connections as well as people you’ll see a lot.

Aaaaaaaand yeah! Sorry this is super long! If you have any specific questions about experiences (I’ve had lots of good and bad times in my two years at uni so far) and stuff like that feel free to drop another ask!! I love asks!!!

#gardi asks #long post #art school #anons #asks

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little-fandom · 6 years ago

Text

I’m bad at letting you go - Chapter 2: Birds fly in different directions

Preparations for the party begin, and later, Alec finds himself in a sort of uncomfortable position…

read on ao3

“I know that

Birds fly in different directions

I hope to see you again”

Alec loves this.

Those quiet mornings, while he can hear the birds singing through the kitchen windows as he prepares coffee, breathing in the smell and just relaxing.

His not very fond of the Lightwood family villa, he much more prefers his cosy apartment at Upper East Side, but the family house does have it charms.

It’s huge. Two floors, big living room and kitchen downstairs with six bedrooms upstairs. It’s a bit away from the city, so there isn’t much noise. This part Alec enjoys the most.

Of course his pleasant morning can’t last long, so before he even gets to take a first sip of his coffee, he hears Jace and Izzy coming downstairs already yelling at each other.

“No, Jace I don’t have time for this today! The party is on tonight, and it’s not my problem that you don’t have a perfect outfit-“ His sister rumbles as she comes into the kitchen, Jace quickly following behind her, interrupting.

“You told me you’ll help me with this!” He accuses.

“Yeah, and I was free yesterday and a day before that, but you just preferred to hang out with Clary-“

“You know I have a hard time refusing her!”

Alec chuckles and slides two mugs of coffee on the counter of the kitchen island towards his siblings, and at that they seem to notice his presence in the room.

“Morning.” He greets and they stare at him for a moment.

“What are you doing here?” Jace asks as he clasps his hands on his chest. “Don’t you have classes today?”

“Izzy’s party is on tonight. I promised to help. Classes can wait.” Alec answers with a shrug.

“Thank you, big brother.” Isabelle moves to hug him and then settles at the stool at the kitchen island, slowly savouring her coffee, moaning at the fresh taste. “You’re the best.”

“Okay, that doesn’t really solve any of my problems.” Jace states, sitting down at the stool opposite them, taking in the coffee Alec handed him.

“Ask Clary to go shopping with you.” Alec proposes, knowing that Jace’s girlfriend does have a great fashion sense too, just like Izzy.

“She’s got classes the whole day today. I’m going to pick her up and we’re coming right here for the party.” His brother resorts.

“I’d offer to come with you, but we both know you wouldn’t want that.” Alec says and they all laugh briefly. He’s aware that he doesn’t have the best fashion sense. It’s not like he cares about it anyway. He enjoys his mostly black clothing. Maybe he cared a little when he and Magnus were together, but now… he just doesn’t see any point in that. There’s no one to impress anyway.

“I’ll figure something out.” Jace grumbles as he drinks the rest of his coffee.

Just then, there is a knock on the door and a few seconds later, clearly letting himself in, Simon appears in the doorway of the kitchen, holding a box of pastry from the bakery down the street in his hands.

“Hello Lightwoods.” He announces with a smile and moves to Isabelle to kiss her in greeting. “How are the moods before tonight?” He asks, wrapping an arm around Izzy’s waist.

“Now better, that you brought food.” Jace mumbles as he reaches for the box Simon put on the counter.

Simon frowns at Jace’s mood, but decides to ignore him, focusing his attention at the rest of the Lightwoods.

“Oh, Alec, you’re here.” He states as if only observing that he is indeed here.

And Alec promised himself he’ll do anything not to ruin Izzy’s big day. So that includes not being mean to Simon, no matter how annoying he is.

“Why is everyone so surprised I’m here already?” He directs the question at his sister but she only shrugs, busy with eating a donut from Simon's delivery.

“Because you’re the definition of a perfect student and you probably still wouldn't miss any of your classes, even if the world was on fire.” Simon says and Alec only shots him an intimidating glare. That seems to shut him up. At least for a bit.

It’s true, he’s basically always at the university. Or studying. But he does it all to take his mind for the obvious things.

For example from Magnus.

“Why aren’t you in class?” Alec asks Simon. He's studying music, second year, and he does take this seriously, barely missing any classes too, but he only shrugs in answer.

“Well, my girlfriend needs all the support she can get tonight, so there’s really no question about it.” Simon states with a kiss to Izzy’s cheek.

No matter how annoying this guy might be, he is good for his sister. Alec does appreciate that.

“You didn’t ask me why I’m not in class?” Jace whines as he finishes yet another donut.

“I’m not even sure if you remember what your college looks like.” Alec fires back, which earns him a laugh from his sister and her boyfriend.

Jace isn’t a model student, but he does try. Sometimes. He chose physical education, for his desire to become a personal trainer one day, but the day keeps moving away if Jace holds this attitude. He favours spending his time with his girlfriend Clary, whose art studies aren’t really that harsh, and she has a pretty flexible schedule.

His brother only snorts to this answer and moves to get out of the kitchen.

“I’m going shopping.” He states and points an accusatory finger at his siblings. “Alone. Since none of you is eager to help.” Then he swiftly turns to Izzy. “Well, mostly you, but whatever.”

And with that, he’s out of the kitchen.

“Someone needs to get laid…” Izzy murmurs as she slides of off the stool. She goes to put her now empty cup in the dishwasher and then Simon looks around the giant kitchen as asks.

“How exactly did you manage to persuade your parents to hold the party here?”

The Lightwood villa is indeed a kind of fortress. The party could be held in the kitchen itself. There’s a big kitchen island in the middle, surrounded by counters and the rest of the cooking equipment. Then, there is a living room, where a fireplace, sofa are TV set are actually the only furniture. There’s just a lot of space, but the place is kept in minimal style, because of Robert’s and Maryse’s tastes. The dominating colours in the whole house are black, white and grey. To be honest, it suits Alec, but Isabelle obviously will want to decorate, to get some life in here.

“Innate Lightwood charm, I guess.” Isabelle shrugs in answer and sends Simon a wink.

Before her boyfriend gets to totally melt, Alec mercifully answers his question.

“Mom and dad are away on a business trip for the weekend. They don’t know anything.” He says, to which Simon’s eyes widen.

“Wow, that’s quite bold.” He nods lightly. “And you’re allowing this?” He aims the question to Alec. “You know, as the oldest and stuff.”

“Izzy is a big girl, she can handle herself.” Alec responds simply. “It’s not like I live here, anyway. But you know that if anything gets damaged you need to buy it back?” He turns to his sister.

“Don’t worry, big brother.” Isabelle resorts calmly, coming closer and placing her hand on Alec’s forearm. “Everything will be fine.”

Alec knows that he’ll probably need to clean up after the party, since Izzy will either get too drunk or she’ll claim she’s too exhausted. Sometimes it sucks to be the responsible one. But he’s not planning on ruining this day for her. So he won’t tell her that now.

“Okay.” Isabelle speaks a moment later. “We’re going to get dirnks and snacks, and Alec could you please bring all the decorations from the attic?”

Alec nods and Izzy smiles as she and Simon move to exit the kitchen. No matter how big deal Isabelle’s movie might be, she still wants to keep the party light. Get the vibe of the college house party and she loves organising those. Besides her friends from college, which he abandoned pretty early on, chasing her dream to become an actress, there will be people from the movie crew and even a few of her co-stars.

As she throws Alec one last smile at the doorway, he finds himself speaking again.

“Iz?” He prompts and his sister turns to him.

“Yeah?”

“I’m really proud of you.” He says and Isabelle smiles that soft smile again. That one is mostly reserved for Alec, when he praises her. No matter if it’s a small thing or wrapping up a big ass movie.

“Thanks, Alec.” She replies and then is out of the kitchen, Simon following behind her.

As he busies himself with decorating the living room, he totally forgets what will actually be happening tonight. It only hits him towards the end, when he’s done with hanging up the balloons.

He’ll see Magnus tonight.

First thought is to just avoid him. There’s no need to make it weird. They both agreed to end this, it was a mutual decision. Or it should be. But Alec has no right to blame Magnus, and he knows it. If he was honest with himself and his boyfriend back then maybe things wouldn’t have turned out like this.

But it’s no time for ‘what ifs’. What’s done is done, and he needs to live with that now. There will be lots of people at the party tonight. There are slight chances that he’ll even bump into Magnus. But if he does, he needs a plan. He’ll just politely indulge into some small talk, ask how is LA, wish him good luck, and definitely won’t start about how much he misses him and how he thinks he committed one of the worst mistakes of his life by letting him go.

No, he definitely can’t do that.

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture.

Fuck, this will be harder than he had thought.

“Dude,” Suddenly Jace appears next to him and Alec nearly jumps. “you okay?”

“Jesus, you sacred me.” Alec says as he catches his breath. “Fine, why?”

“You’ve been standing here and staring at this wall for like three minutes straight.” His brother replies to which Alec sighs again. “Are you really okay?” Jace asks again, now pure concern in his voice. “Come on, let’s take a seat.”

He leads him towards the couch and Alec lets him.

“What’s up?” He asks when they get settled. “No, wait. Don’t tell me.” He pretends to think for a second and then speaks again. “It’s about Magnus, right?”

“How did you-“ Alec starts, but Jace shakes his head lightly and interrupts.

“Of course it’s about him, you had that face on.” He resorts.

“What face?” Alec inquires as he rolls his eyes.

“The I’m thinking of my ex-boyfriend face.” Jace states with a shrug.

“I don’t have-“ Alec starts but cuts himself half-sentence, because actually, he does have this face. And Jace had seen it a lot of times lately. ‘Okay, I do have that one.”

“Yeah, so what’s up?” His brother prompts again. “You really don’t want him here, do you?”

“I…” Alec begins, but doesn’t actually know what to find his words. Fucking typical.

“Or, you actually want him to be here…” Jace speaks again, and Alec just hangs his head down and nods lightly. Then he feels his brother’s arm coming around his shoulder.

“Is it really so bad that I miss him?” Alec groans as he hides his face in his palms.

“No,” Jace repsonds and runs his hand up and down his brother’s back. “what you guys had… it was big for you. He was important to you. He still is, right?”

Alec nods again.

“Alec, it’s fine-“

“No, Jace it’s not.” Alec starts as he looks back at his brother. “We both agreed on this and now it’s too late to even try and fix what’s between us.”

“What? Why do you think that?” Jace questions slightly confused.

“He’s back with Camille, Jace.” Alec answers sadly. “I can’t ruin his relationship just because I made a mistake of letting him go in the first place.”

“Alec, what do you mean he’s back with Camille?” His brother just continues asking.

“It’s all over the internet. They’re back together, literally every articles says that.”

“Look, bro, they were in a movie together-“ Jace tries, but Alec cuts him off.

“Yes, but that doesn’t require for them to meet outside the movie set. There are photos from paps of them just taking walks and God knows what more.” He growls in frustration. It’s so fucking annoying. Seeing them on covers of magazines every time he passes a newsstand.

“Alec, you can’t believe all you see or read on the internet, you’re smart enough to know that.” His brother attempts to reason with him again.

“Then why didn’t he call and explain any of this?” Alec snaps as he stands up from the couch. “He knows how this shit pisses me off, we went through that a lot of times. So why didn’t he just-“

And then it hits him, one more time.

Jace looks like he’s about to answer, but before he gets to Alec speaks himself.

“Because we broke up.” He resorts in a lower tone. “He doesn’t need to explain himself to me.”

His brother just looks at him with a sympathetic expression, nodding lightly.

Alec recalls every time he reached for his phone with an intention to call Magnus, but something was always holding him back. What could he say? They broke up. Hey Magnus, I know we aren’t together anymore, and that you’re probably back with your ex-girlfriend, but I miss you? It’s stupid. And some part of him wanted Magnus to make a first attempt to somehow fix their relation. And this part has been foolish, since Magnus probably has his life already sorted out, back in Los Angeles, without Alec in it.

He remembers how every time when some tabloids claimed that Magnus got together with some of his co-stars or other exes, Magnus would just come to him, hold him and tell him that there’s no one else but him. That he’s his everything. His only one. And now when he sees all of the covers, all of the gossips portals implying something and he doesn’t get this reassurance… he doesn’t know what to think. What to believe in.

Magnus has his life, and Alec practically chose not to be a part of it.

But what should he do back then? What hurts the most is that Magnus seem to made up his decision of moving to LA without even speaking to him first. Without even considering him, or their relationship. They weren’t together long, only a few months, but they both felt that it was something special. They told each other that. And then in one moment Magnus decides to move to Los Angeles to shoot a movie. Sure, it was a great opportunity, and Alec wouldn’t deny him that. But he didn’t really take a second to think how it would reflect on their relationship.

That’s the only thing he blames him for.

Mostly he blames himself, for not trying to talk this out more, for not saying what he really wanted. For not trying or fighting for this, at all.

Neither he nor Jace speaks for a long while, and as he feels tears pricking up in his eyes, he prays for his voice not to tremble when he speaks.

“We should get ready for the party.” He says quickly and goes upstairs, pretending he doesn’t hear his brother calling after him.

The party is amazing, lacking any other word to call it. Everything tuned out perfect, and Alec can’t really find himself to take his eyes of his beaming with happiness sister. He is really proud of her. She came a long way. And Alec was there for her at every step. Always supportive. He drove her to auditions and bought her ice creams when she cried that she didn’t get a role, hugged her and just whispered that everything will be okay.

She didn’t have much of a support in their parents. None of them ever did. When Izzy dropped out of college they just said she’ll regret it. When Jace chose physical education instead of law, like their parents wanted, they reprimand him that he’ll never find a well-paid job. When Alec came out… well that’s when hell broke loose. He doesn’t even want to recall those names his father called him. He just couldn’t wait to finally move out of his family house.

So if the Lightwood siblings didn’t get support from their parents, they all still had each other.

Alec keeps backing up the wall. Drink in hand, observing all of the people gathered in their living room. Izzy is with Simon all the time, introducing him to some people from set. Jace is somewhere with Clary, probably making out. Alec spots a few familiar faces from college, but makes no actual way to approach. He’s good where he is. He never really liked parties, not like his siblings do.

Magnus is not here. Not yet. At least Alec thinks so. He would probably notice if he was.

Soon, his sweet lonely hour is broken as he spots Isabelle waving at him to come closer. She stands with some two women Alec doesn’t recognise. The one on the left has dark skin and messy black hair, next to her the other woman has Asian features and straight dark hair.

As Alec comes up to them, Izzy hooks an arm over his and introduces him.

“This is Alec, my brother.” She grins as she speaks to the guests. “This is Maia,” He points at the first woman. “one of my co-stars. And Aline,” She gestures at the next who offers a little wave. “she’s one of the screen writers for the movie.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Alec says as he extends his hand and the both of them shake it in sequence.

“Nice too meet you too.” Maia speaks. “Izzy has been telling us a lot about you.”

“I hope only good things.” Alec replies with a bit of a nervous chuckle.

“Oh, don’t worry.” Aline starts. “She only describes you in superlatives.”

“Well, without Alec I probably wouldn’t have accomplished all this.” Izzy says as she looks up at her brother with a soft smile.

“You would, Iz.” Alec states firmly and one of his hand wanders to hug her lightly. “Maybe it would take a bit more time, but you would.” He adds jokingly.

“Either way, thank you big brother, for always believing in me.” She resorts and Alec places a kiss to her forehead as she hugs him back.

“Babe, we’re running out of ice!” Simon’s slightly panicked voice sounds from the other end of the room. He appears to be a bit drunk already, and clearly not able to go and grab the ice himself. Isabelle just sighs, and tries to move away from Alec’s embrace, but he stops her.

“I’ll go get it. You stay and enjoy the party, okay?” He speaks as he already moves in the direction of the kitchen.

“Have I told you you’re the best, big bro?” Isabelle asks with a soft smile.

“Only a few times today.” Alec resorts as he smiles back and turns to walk to the kitchen.

And then he sees him.

Magnus Bane looks around his leaving room. He’s alone, but clearly not out of his element. He nods to some people as he begins to move forward, probably in direction of Isabelle. He looks so damn good. Red strikes in his hair, matching his burgundy shirt, which hangs half opened, a few necklaces hanging loosely around his neck. Fingers adorn by many rings. Tight black pants that are way too tempting and simple black boots. He’s handsome, beautiful, for the lack of better word to describe him.

Alec has never found a word worth to describe his whole magnificence.

And he almost feels his knees buckle only from looking at him. Five months. It’s been practically five months since he last saw this man. He doesn’t know how he managed to survive.

But his knees actually buckle when their eyes meet.

Beautiful, nearly gold ones, meeting his hazels and for a moment they just look. Just stare at each other, like there weren’t dozens of people in this room. Like it was only them.

Alec seems to break out of this daze first, reminding himself of his task. He needs to bring the ice, and he definitely needs it himself now, since he feels like the temperature in the room has risen from the looks they’ve just exchanged.

Without really thinking, he sends Magnus a small smile and disappears into the kitchen as a wave of memories comes crashing down on him.

The atmosphere is way more than tensed when he enters the loft. You could literally cut the air with a knife. Alec tries to relax, but repeatedly fails at this task, even when he sees Magnus sitting down on the couch.

Things haven’t been really good between them recently. They haven’t seen each other in nearly two weeks, since Magnus is filming a movie. Alec gets all that. He knows his boyfriend is busy, but he can’t help to miss him. And he’s sure that if Magnus really tried, he would find some time for them to meet earlier. But only today he seem make some time for Alec. And the text that he sendthim, saying that they need to talk doesn’t really bode well.

“Hi.” Alec greets as he enters the living room, and Magnus stands up from the couch to come closer to him.

He looks tensed too. His shoulders hunched back, and his expression nervous. He doesn’t really move that close for Alec to even kiss him in greeting.

And Alec finds himself too afraid to do that too. This look at Magnus’ face is way too intimidating, and what’s the worst, is that Alec can’t really read it.

“We need to talk.” Magnus says just that and gestures for them to sit at the couch.

Alec murmurs a quite okay and as they get settled, he realises that his hands are trembling.

Maguns doesn’t say anything for a while, and they just sit, and stare down on the floor. After God knows how long, he finally begins.

“I got a role in another movie.” He speaks and as Alec looks up at him, he sees that Magnus is still looking down on the floor. “It’s a big one.”

“That’s great-“ Alec starts, truly happy that Magnus is doing well in his career, but then his boyfriend interrupts.

“They’re shooting it in LA, Alec.” He says and finally looks up.

And damn it, Alec still can’t read his expression. He should be happy, but somehow, he doesn’t look like he is.

“Okay…” Alec begins slowly, letting the information sink in. “So maybe we should-“

“I’m going.” Magnus disturbs him yet again. The worlds feel rushed, said at one breath, as if he's just trying to get over it as soon as possible. “It’s a great chance for me.”

Alec nods lightly, and as Magnus looks down again, playing with the rings on his fingers, the gestures that Alec recognises as his nervousness, he begins to understand what Magnus means.

He wants to end this, but he doesn’t know how.

They talked a bit about Magnus past relationships. Alec’s too, but he hasn’t really got much experience. And he remembers when Magnus said that long-distance relationships almost never work. That he’s been in a few, and it was just a waste of time. That they were holding each other back. And no matter how much Alec loves Magnus, he’s not planning on moving to LA. He has everything here, his family, college… he can’t just leave it all.

But he understands that it’s a chance for Magnus.

So he’ll spare him the worry.

“So we should just…” Alec begins, but his voice comes out hoarse, so he clears his throat. “end this?”

In the corner of his eye he can see that Magnus looks up at him, but he himself drops his gaze down.

“That might be for the better…” Magnus begins, his voice sounding a bit hesitant, but Alec nods lightly, his sight focused on the floor. “For the both of us.”

Alec resists the urge to snort.

“I don’t want to somehow, limit you.” Magnus admits a bit more confidently. “I don’t really know when I will be back… LA holds a lot of opportunities for me.”

Alec continues to nod, but Magnus seems to be waiting for some verbal response, so he puts his hand on Alec’s tight and he nearly flinches, finally looking up.

“Alexander?” Magnus prompts cautiously.

“Your right.” Alec starts as his heart begins to break in his chest. “We shouldn’t hold each other back. There’s no point in forcing it.”

It’s Magnus’ turn to nod, and if he has any hesitation about this, then he must really be an amazing actor, because Alec can’t see any traces of it on his face.

“So, yeah… okay.” Alec stands up from the couch, and Magnus’ hand falls from his thigh. Suddenly, he feels the atmosphere of the loft even more overwhelming and he just wants to leave. To cut this all out. “When are you leaving?” He finds himself asking anyway.

“Sometime next week. They're shooting starts in two weeks.” Magnus states as he also stands up from the couch.

They’ve never been avoiding eye contact so much as today.

Alec just nods again.

“Okay, so good luck there.” Alec speaks, trying out for an honest tone, but he can hear that he fails.

“Yeah, same to you, Alexander.” Magnus responds, but their eyes meet for only a brief second.

Not enough to notice any doubts.

So that’s it. It’s all over, just like this. Deep down Alec knows he should say something more. But no other words pass by the lump in his throat.

“So I guess,” it’s over. No, he can’t say this. He’ll break if he does. “goodbye, Magnus.”

For a moment, Magnus looks like he might want to reach or Alec’s hand or move closer to hug him. But he doesn’t. They just stand in the middle of the living room, not quite looking at each other. It’s never been this awkward between them.

“Goodbye, Alexander.”

Alec can’t stand the thought that it might the last time he hears his voice.

No matter how messed up things have been between them recently. How much yelling, and frustration passed between them, Alec has never thought it would come to this kind of end.

But here they are.

Without another word he leaves the apartment, only letting the tears fall when he’s out of the building.

The kitchen has never felt that far away, but when he finally reaches it, he momentary braces his hands at the countertop and just takes a moment to breathe. Letting out long, even exhales until he relaxes a bit.

He can’t ruin today. Not by panicking.

Calm down, Alec.

And with few more deep breaths, he thinks that he can do this. He busies himself with his actual task of getting the ice.

Then he hears that someone enter the kitchen and stands behind him, it’s probably Isabelle so he just waves his hand dismissively.

“I’m almost done, Izzy. I’ll come back in a minute.” He says quickly.

It all will be fine. He can do this. He doesn’t even need to talk to him.

Until he turns around and finds himself face to face with Magnus Bane.

#malec #shadowhunters #malec fanfic #malec au #Alec Lightwood #Magnus Bane #Isabelle Lightwood #Jace Herondale #Simon Lewis #Maia Roberts #actor au #break up au #angst #fluff #my writing

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