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buboloboogie · 8 months ago

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I turned Void, Pepper, and Pickles into Kindred !! :D

HURAYYY THEY'RE ALL KINDRED!!

Essentially in this AU, the PCs are swapped with their companions! Their story lines are similar, pepper and pickles are still twins / daughters of the queen, and Void is a secluded lone wolf trying to find something. HERE ARE THEIR BLERBS BECAUSE I'VE PUT TOO MUCH EFFORT INTO IT vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Miss Void Bennett. Generally, Void's backstory is the same as Arthur's. BUT!! Because we know basically nothing about Void, where she came from, how long she's been with Arthur, etc. My concept for her is that she has lost almost all of her memories of her human life, and the first few days after her embrace. All she remembers is Vanya's face, and having this feeling of deep rage and heartbreak. She sets out to the Americas after the war, where she meets Mary Davis and Edward. There, she gets help recovering only some of her memories, though only the memories of the beast. Whenever she'd frenzy, kill mortals, and most unfortunately ripping what she knows to be her family to death. After this discovery is when she starts out on her journey to find Vanya. She tells herself its to find out more about her missing memories, but deep down she is motivated completely by revenge. Void is a shy and tentative person at first, though as she gets comfortable she is bright and bubbly. She is very motherly to the few people she does care about, but it is very difficult for her to create that sort of trust in any sort of relationship. She tries to keep most people at an arms length, but there are a few who sneak through the cracks. Triva!: (SPOILERS AHEAD!!!) - Instead of a book with names, she sketches down every face she remembers tearing apart. - At the midnight circle, her form becomes more of a crazy old were-cat lady - Her tenabris form takes the shape of a writhing cat, with piercing red eyes. - She has Celerity dots instead of Fortitude dots - Her guilt manifests as a need to 'make up for it' by helping kindred and mortals worse off than her, another reason she mothers and guides the two Princesses. - Akin to Arthur, she feels as if taking care of the two twins is how she will atone, but she also will get flashes of warm memories of her younger twin siblings during calm and quiet moments. - When she diablorizes the winged kindred in the Cullen Games, her wings are those of a bat, but the arm bones are covered with a matted black fur. She also has retractable claws on the tips of the bat wing fingers.

Pepper Tucker. Pepper is a Vet tech who lives with her deadbeat father, who's failing car repair shop gets by on her paychecks. In her free time, she's helping The Demons strategize their next move against the Fangs, or smoking delirious amounts of pot ( The only strain she smokes is one called 'Cat Nip' ). Some say she has nine lines, for how many times she's almost knocked on deaths door. She her personality is indifferent. She seems tired, and like her head is somewhere up in the clouds. But even with this, she is someone almost paranoid of her surroundings. She is blunt, with no filter, and is not afraid to rip your ego to shreds without even raising an eyebrow. Pepper is always around - its a little weird honestly - and she is always willing to offer a helping hand to those she cares about. Trivia!: (SPOILERS AHEAD!!!) - Because Slimecicle references Pepper as a boy, and as Salem, while Condi references Pepper as a girl; She is MTF, Salem is her deadname while Pepper is her chosen name. - She is a Gangrel rather than a Brujah - She is a cat therian - Pepper seems to be unnaturally good at anything on the first try. It is kind of annoying - Her interactions with the twins are more Vex: NUH UH Pepper: uh huh Vex: NUH UH!!! Pepper: Uh huh Vex: NUH UUUHH!! Pepper: Stupidsayswhat? Vex: What? Viv: Brother I believe that she fucking got yo- Vex: CURSE YOU SHAMIASHAMAIII!!!! Pepper: lol - She has dots in Potence rather than Protean - She is a very dirty fighter, nut shots, pocket sand, its the only way she knows how to fight. - She nursed a near-death Fisher (type of wild weasel) back to health when she was little, and keeps him around as a pet. She names the Fisher Emezil, and he is the source of her 9 lives. - Instead of Adam Sandler movies, she is locked in her little pool of blood for hours watching Nick Cage movies. - Her battles with Gabriel (who is a coyote themed Gangrel) are the only time where she really raises her voice. I like to think instead of gay jokes, she is always twisting Gabriel's jokes into transphobic remarks, which he stumbles over his words and they go into a fuck you back and forth

Princess Pullette (Pickles) Bathroy Princess Pullette is a ball of energy that cannot be contained. Being cooped up inside the castle all her life, she has become a prank master. Playing silly pranks on the important vampires, and getting a slap on the wrist from her uncle each time, she is inching to get the hell OUT. Then one day, when loosing guards chasing her from putting a fake snake toy in the washroom, she comes across some papers that seems to be documentation of one "No Breaks Car Repair" shop in LA. After getting the iron fist from her mother, getting grounded indefinitely to the room she's been stuck in since... forever. Seething with rage, she dominates a few guards to escort her to the dark door, where she leaves the castle for the first time and spawns in at "No Breaks Car Repair." The Princess of the Ventrue clan gets her name Pickles from Pepper in their first interaction; Pep: Soo.. whats you're name supposed to be? Pick: Princess p-..... what do you think it is..? >:3c Pep: uhh.... idk Princess Pickles? Pick: It's Pickles now >:3c Pickles is the extrovert of an extrovert. She lives the thrill of adrenaline, doing whatever she deems is fun or funny in the moment. She is a yapper, most DEFINITELY doesn't know how to control her volume, and has the ability to talk about absolutely nothing for hours on end. She is ditsy and definitely does not think of the people around her, or what their opinion of her might be, at first. She truly is a caring person, who at the end of the day wants to do what's right, and make her mother proud. Trivia!: (SPOILERS!!) - Pickles still has the same flaws as Shilo, ex. Needing blood to be fed to her, needing to wear 'traditional vampire attire', and believing in the old folk lore - When the twins talk to uncle lazy in the old folk's home bathroom, Pickles is given Shilo, in which rains her in a bit because she thinks the bird is broken because of how timid it seems. She embraces the bird when he finally slept one night, thinking he died & the only way to save him was to turn him. (Pepper just helped calm down the anxious bird) Shilo afterwards is more energetic and warm towards pickles. - Whenever Pickles tries to talk about what her mother barred her from telling, she honks like a goose - Pickles has dots in celerity rather than presence - Edward gets under her skin, and truly spawns this unbridled fire of rage inside of her, which motivates her to yell "SUCK IT, ZOOLANDER!" at Elysium, and tunnel visions as she vows to 'dethrone him' if its the last thing she does - Pickles is so glad to have a sister. Genuinely probably the best thing that ever happened to her THATS MY SHPEAL!!!! If you have any more questions about them, throw them in my ask box!!! Here's some more concept / doodles for their designs, thank you so much if you read all that rambling :,,) (SPOILERS BELOW 2ND SKETCH!!) also yes Sunshine is the Sheriff rather than Deacon >:3c

Here's the link to Void's OG design !!!

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rexultimus · 1 month ago

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Ivory

Chapter 2.

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Pairing: Zoro x fem OC

Summary:A strange island appeared in the journey of the straw hats. Their governors, a kind king and cruel princess, are the ones to decide the faith of the pirates.

Ironically, the scary princess catches Zoro's eye. A strong fighter which main weapon are her wings.

Bell's exchange with his father brought back hurtful memories. The King and the princess started preparation to receive the Strawhats.

wc: 2,287

warning: very explicit self-harm, self-mutilation, betrayal, mental breakdown. It's a lot.

a/n: the chapter is here! Originally it was like 1k words but boredom got the best of me. The rest of the chapters will be somewhat lengthy, just like this. Hope you enjoy it!!

"I hope you don't take this the wrong way, my dear," said the old man as he stopped reading his book “But you're near eighteen. Have you considered looking for a partner?"

Her needle just pierced the tight fabric of her handkerchief; her hands stopped, and she lowered the frame to her lap. Her eyes met his, shocked with a dull tint of wrath. She couldn't fully process what her father just asked. Words didn’t come out; just her dazed eyes could answer the question.

“No Bebel, it's not that” rapidly added as he saw her reaction. “You are my heiress. You’ve never needed a man to become the strong woman you are. But, you know, I'm getting old. I would love to see you with someone before I have to leave this world, love.”

Her anxious eyes softened and a knot in her throat inevitably made her speechless. His hair once was long and jet black, but now is white as a ghost; his death has been in her mind lately. His beloved father is gradually turning his light off.

“I don't think there's a man on earth who could wish to be with me, at least not willingly.” The King laughed, left his book on the table and walked toward his daughter.

“Because you haven’t encountered the right one. That man is not going to fear you; you’ll know when you met him" His smile warmed her heart. Still, she couldn't believe a word.

“I hope so.” She rested her head on him as he caressed her hair. The handkerchief that rested on Bell's lap caught his attention.

“What are you working on?” He asked, slowly picking up the frame; he angled it towards the window to look carefully at his daughter's embroidery.

“Chocolate cosmos” she turned back, watching his dad by the window, “I was helping Fazil in the garden a few days ago. He bought a bag of seeds from the traveling merchants; he wasn't sure if wanted to plant them. It made me so happy, those flowers are stunning.” She sighed with a wide smile. “So I wanted to embellish that spare handkerchief”

“Your favorite” His eyes are fixed on the design. His fingers traced over the borders of the flowers, a nostalgic smile decorated his face.

As her dad admired her embroidery, Bell's breathing froze. Chocolate cosmos, the same flowers she used to weave into crowns…

The first person Bellflower looked after her battle with Ugoth was Tique, the younger daughter of the chief cook; they grew up together. She was the only kid who wasn't afraid of Bell, they played for hours through the castle halls. Their favorite game was making flower crowns; they would sit at the table near the garden, the one the King made for them, and spend hours making the most intricate crowns.

“You know, Bell” Tique hummed, looking at the flowers in her hands “These cosmos always make me think of you, they look just like your wings” Her gaze lifted, finding Bell's shocked face, at this sight Tique couldn't help to burst in laughter.

“They are so pretty, Bebel” she laughed, recovering from the initial cackle. “They are sharp like a sword!”

Tique looked down putting the final touches in her crown. Bell was still in shock, “pretty” she echoed, unsure.

“And… it's done!” She yelled, “Put it on, put it on” Tique stood in the chair and crawled to the table. She softly put the crown on her head, gently accommodating it around her horns. Tique leaned back and took a full look at Bell. The metallic edge of her wings reflected the sunlight, making her burgundy velvet wings shine, color matching the flowers in her head.

“They truly suit you, Bebel” vigorously shouted jumping on the table, Bell couldn't help but join her too, grabbing her crown so it wouldn't fall.

Chocolate cosmos became Bell’s favorite flower.

As she walked through the expectant crowd, everyone was horror-stricken by the appearance of the princess: she was holding Ugoth's head. Her bloodshot eyes enhanced her demoniac features, her whole body was drenched in blood and open wounds; the strain of the battle finally caught up with her, a guttural sound scraped her throat as she desperately sought air, making her blood-covered fangs exposed.

Panic spread among the multitude, it was chaos. Her head wandered, she spotted Captain Malrik, head of the knights; they'd been waiting for her return to escort her back to the castle. She tossed the head at his feet.

“Is it enough, captain?” Her death stare made him take a step back. “Go back to the castle, I can go on my own” She continued her search for Tique.

Finally, she saw the ribbon she made for her 15th birthday among the running crows. Her last endeavors were spent in making her way to her.

“Tique!” She growled, “I won”

The expression in Tiques face is forever imprinted in Bell's brain. She expected that look from anyone, anyone but Tique. Her eyes widened and her breath was cut short, she looked at her up and down and took a step back.

“Wh-what…” she murmured, “ what did you do?”

“I won, Tique. I killed him” she murmured, confused at her reaction, “what's wrong?” Bell took a step in her direction.

“I..." her breathing was heavy and irregular. “I don't even know who you are anymore, Bell” She stepped back and fell.

Bell's eyes widened, her words hurt like a knife to the chest. The inertia made her grab her arm to lift her; with her hand a few inches away from Tiques arms the street heard a screeching sound. Bell flinched, her hands curled up in her chest.

“Don't touch me!” she hissed while pushing herself away from Bell.

How could she say something like that? She grabbed her chest, trying to ease her stabbing pain.

Her best friend, her only friend, was terrified. Tique couldn't stop crying, she tried to stand up but her arms were too weak.

“I only wanted to help you,” Bell said shakingly, her chest sank and tears filled her eyes. She scratched her neck in nervousness, she didn't know what to do.

“Get away from me, Bell!” She finally stood up, her limbs were shaking. “After all you’ve always been the devil” she growled and ran away, leaving the winged princess in the middle of the yelling crowd who rapidly stepped away from her.

Alone. Her life-threatening battle with Ugoth seemed like nothing compared to Tiques disdain. Her head couldn't stop spinning and the oxygen was escaping her lungs.

She tried to walk to the castle, but her steps were slow and painful. Tears wouldn't stop falling. She hated everything, she hated herself; she scratched her face trying to wipe out the blood. Her arms, her thighs, her stomach, They felt dirty, she wanted to rip her skin apart.

She fell to her knees. Her head fell to the floor, she tried to grasp some air but she kept replaying Tiques words, her horrified face.

Maybe if she didn't have wings, if she didn't have horns, if she was normal; Tique wouldn't be afraid, her subjects wouldn't fear her, and her mother would've lived. Maybe someone would love her.

Tiques' words hammered her thoughts. Her desperation led her to hit her head against the floor, she howled out of desperation. Nothing could hush them out.

Her hands reached for her wings, she grabbed a feather; a thin red line cut her hand. Her fists closed harder, digging them deeper into her palm.

“I don't know you anymore” echoed in her head.

She plucked the feather. A pain weave ran through her spine.

“Don't touch me”

Another feather. Her back screamed in protest but her chest burned more.

“Get away from me!”

She plucked another one.

“You've always been the devil, after all”

Her hands were cut raw from plucking her feathers. Her wailings weren't from the pain of her hands; she screamed in agony for her best friend. She screamed for every contempt. She screamed for her mother's death. She screamed to God, demanding an explanation for his cruelty to her.

Her blood-streaked feathers shimmered in the moonlight as she plucked them. Her feathers fell to the floor like rusty knives.

A servant told Adelios what happened with Tique. He rushed out of the castle, pushing everyone who tried to stop him.

He ran through the streets, desperately looking for her daughter. His air was scarce. Once he got near the harbor, he heard his daughter's voice moaning in pain. He gathered his breath and sprinted to the origin of the sound.

He turned the street and found Bell kneeling in a pond of blood, wailing while depluming her wings.

“Bebel!” He ran toward her, “Baby, stop!”

She paralyzed. She met his gaze. Her despair turned into a plea. Adelios felt his stomach drop, the sight of Bell mutilating herself was devastating. Her begging face, covered in bruises, made him burst into tears.

“Dad!” Bell reached for him, like a child separated from his mom. Adelios wrapped her in his arms, getting a few cuts from the few feathers left. He buried a sigh of relief in her hair, his little girl succumbed to the years of pain and took it out on herself.

Her whole body burned, but his father's embrace made everything go quiet, nothing could hurt her. She felt lightheaded and her vision turned blurry.

“I'm sorry Dad” she mumbled before passing out in his dad's arms.

Something changed after that day. Bell hadn't left the castle since. She vowed to never open her heart again.

After that, flowers were strictly prohibited in the castle. Not a single petal in sight

After admiring the embroidery, Adelios looked at his daughter intending to compliment her work -even, coarse her into gifting it to him. But he only was met with Bell's hurt face, reminiscing the past.

He doubted for a second, he wasn't sure what could ease her.

“She lost you, Bebel”, his soft voice woke her up out of her trance.

She took a deep breath, connecting herself with the present, “It doesn't matter anymore” slightly shaking her head, clearing any trace of her memories. “Once I finish, it's yours, Dad.” She met his gaze, softening her eyes.

The King's eyes lit up and a wide smile appeared on his face. “Well then, get to work” he handed it out to her, “I can't wait to wear it” whispered while gently kissing her temple. Bell's chest warmed up, getting her out of the spiral of her memories.

Suddenly, a servant opened the gates. He seemed frantic and out of breath. The two of them were shocked and expectant at the news.

“Good morning King. Good morning Princess” his voice and legs trembled as he bowed. “We have news. The Straw Hat Pirates entered the island about 5 minutes ago. They are on their way to the audience.”

No word could trigger Bell as “Pirates” did, even after her father's comfort, her hatred would not be diminished. No pirates had left the island alive. Her eyes furrowed and her breathing turned agitated. She left the handkerchief on the table and stormed out of the room.

“Tell these Pirates to properly prepare for their death”, she said to the obedient servant as she passed him.

“Bell, we haven’t met them. I’ve heard the Straw Hats are good pirates.” said her father as he followed her.

“I do not care. They are pirates. There is not a singular pirate in this sea who does good. All of them are cruel and heartless."

“Cobra told me about them, I called him after the news” They got to her room and she turned around. “They were the ones who defeated Crocodile.”

Cobra was a long-time friend of her dad, he would never lie to his dad, she knew. She tilted her head in confusion as she read that it was Smoker. Her chest was already agitated, and her mind was firm in her decision, bit her dad's word lingered: what if… he was right?

She opened the door. “I expect a thorough explanation, Dad. And you” Her head turned like an owl who saw a mouse, the servant who followed them shrink in his place. “Bring me all the newspapers they appear in, their bounties, everything.” he nodded and ran away. They entered Bell's room and she closed the door behind her.

They both got to their thrones, she still was reading the newspaper, rubbing her temples, trying to make sense of these pirates' purpose.

“The pirates are here, my king.” timidly said the maid.

“Allow them in” with a forceful voice Adelios yelled.

The principal doors opened and Bellflower kept the newspaper in her hand, eyes skimming each word but her mind couldn't focus; among the wanted posters, one face refused to leave her mind, his piercing eyes held a challenge that made her heart clench for reasons she couldn't understand.

Adelios noticed how Bell's cheeks blushed while inspecting the pirate hunter poster. It took him by surprise; she never expressed interest in a guy. But when he saw how Bell lingered on his picture, tracing her fingers across his face, he felt relieved; her daughter was just like any 17-year-old girl.

He side-eyed her, looking for her reaction; her troubled face and red cheeks made him subtly smile. He faced the intruders, erasing any hint of his excitement for this encounter.

“Welcome Straw Hats!” the King yelled and saw how the three in the back practically fell on their knees. "Please, enter.”

#zoro x oc #zoro x reader #one piece zoro #having a crush on zoro #trauma #betrayal #one piece fanfiction #fanfic #zoro x you #roronoa zoro

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forlornflora-official · 13 days ago

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I'm going to elaborate on my oc's answers to an ask game by @stories-i-guess (dude I am loving these questions, keep it up!)

(TW Topic is on SUICIDE)

The question of the day was: "What are their thoughts on suicide?"

My characters will give their input, and I'm going to elaborate/give context on what they say :]

Valerian: *doesn't understand the concept* "... But- thats not how you survive? I mean, what else is there but individual survival? Why would you give up if... if everyone still depends on you?"

Since hatching, Valerian’s entire existence has revolved around keeping her family safe. In order to do that, she at the very least needs to be alive. She has gone through too much scat to just throw away all her hard work to get to where she is now, even at her absolute sh*ttiest points.

Archibald: "... It was a fleeting topic on my mind my first few months on Terrilius. I was... so at peace then, and I never wanted that peace to be taken from me again."

After becoming a refugee on Terrilius, Archibald’s mental state became extremely troubled. Every waking moment he had to be on alert for danger, and every night was a never ending cycle of night terrors, panic attacks, and esse induced seizures (esse = soul energy). While all this sounds terrible, back then he saw this as the MOST happy and stable time in his entire life. (Gawd I have traumatized this poor boy 🥲)

Jax: "I'm not proud of it, but there were times when I had to consider all the options available to me. Better to die by my own hand then to let any of those other faes (b*tches) take my title."

Jax’s family members were constantly planning her murder. She was the top rank of their station, and getting her out of the way left a space for one of them to take her place. According to the traditions she was raised around, being killed by a lesser soldier would be more dishonorable than doing it herself. Jax would NEVER let her name be stained.

Ryder: "Wisteria hasn't let me do that. That fae damned sl*t is too spoiled to let her goddessborn do anything, let alone leave her behind. If I had the option... I'm- Not going to say anything while Foxtrot's listening."

Ryder’s entire life is dictated by her creator, Wisteria S*Tarra, Goddess of self love/astrology/single celled organisms. Half the time Ryder barely feels like a person. He sees himself as a pawn to his employers and his Goddess. When they got all their organs torn out by a helicopter blade and miraculously survived, they assumed it was because their goddess resurrected them, and probably won't put up with any other of his attempts at death.

Sangius: "It's a horrible thing. The worst of the worst you could do! If you go through with it, how will you ever find out what recovering feels like?"

Sangius, my god of bloodshed and all sorts of f-ed up stuff, literally can't fathom the idea of someone committing such an act, because deep down, buried in his instincts, he was formerly the goddess of rehabilitation. He finds glee in seeing people suffer terribly, but more than anything he finds utter fascination in what it takes for those people to bounce back. Giving up is not an option in his mind.

(If anyone has any questions about these ocs, their lore, or the book series they exist in, I would LOVE to receive asks!)

#tw sewerslide #tw sui implied #tw suic1de #my ocs #my ocs <3 #ocs #sci fi and fantasy #writers on tumblr #teen author #fantasy author #author #fiction #oc story #my oc art #my oc stuff #my oc character #oc art #original character

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felixcloud6288 · 5 months ago

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I did an all-CPU Dokapon playthrough where each CPU was based on the Golden Deer girls from Fire Emblem Three Houses.

Players:

Hilda: Ditsy, Pink, Warrior

Marianne: Normal, Blue, Magician

Lysithea: Arrogant, White, Magician

Leonie: Meanie, Red, Thief

All the CPUs were set to sneaky difficulty and I just watched them play and pretended that the actual FE characters were playing it. The game ran for 84 weeks.

Highlights:

Early on, Hilda seemed to have no idea what she was doing while Lysithea was just picking fights to level up. Marianne meanwhile opened up by killing Leonie and stealing a town from Hilda.

Leonie stole a Magma from Lysithea who then hired Risque the Bandit to steal it back. Then Leonie stole it again.

Leonie completed the first chapter quest by delivering the quest item...after she stole it from Lysithea.

Hilda was the first person to become a Darkling. She spent the entire time harassing Leonie and managed to get herself and Marianne to first and second place.

Lysithea was the second to become a Darkling and she distributed death and mayhem equally to all the other players.

Marianne completed the chapter 3 quest only because Hilda decided to intercept Leonie and stop her from completing it.

Lysithea used a Mystery spell which set traps around the map. She then walked onto one and got blown up.

The second time Lysithea became a Darkling, she spent the entire time harassing Hilda. The moment she turned back to normal, Marianne killed her with a field magic.

The first time Marianne became a Darkling, she didn't try to accomplish anything. She lucked out on Dark points and managed to steal a castle on her second day, but she never took any towns or attacked anyone (I headcanoned that she was too nervous to be mean to everyone)

At one point, an invisible Hilda used a field magic that summoned everyone to her location. While they all had to fight, she was able to casually walk away. Leonie beat Lysithea and was about to beat Marianne until Hilda used a field magic to put Leonie to sleep, giving Marianne the win.

The second time Marianne became a Darkling, she stole two castles wrecked everyone's scores, and killed everyone. (My headcanon is everyone was cheering at her doing an amazing job)

Hilda killed Leonie. Then when Leonie came back to life, Marianne forced a blackmail on her that killed Leonie on her next turn.

Marianne, Lysithea, and Hilda got in a three-way fight to escort the demolition man (Marianne was escorting him at first). Lysithea killed Marianne but by the time Hilda and Lysithea finished fighting, Marianne had recovered, rejoined the fight, and won control of the Demolition man back.

While Marianne was escorting the Demolition Man, Leonie was doggedly pursuing her but could never attack Marianne because Marianne kept landing on non-combat spaces.

Hilda got put to sleep by a Wabbit and Leonie used it as a chance to kill her. A few turns later, Hilda got put to sleep by another Wabbit and Lysithea killed her.

Lysithea got lost in the Tower of Rabble. Hilda entered it later and Lysthea immediately blasted her with field magic that almost KOed Hilda. Hilda then ran away from the tower.

Leonie encountered Dr Exiles twice in a row while in the Underworld.

I saw a very rare interaction where Leonie lost to Roche while having 0G. Turns out Roche has a unique dialogue when that happens where they basically say "Huh? You don't have any money. Oh well."

Lysithea was the first to reach the final boss, spent a week whittling his HP down and then MISSED the finishing blow and was forced to surrender. Marianne then rolled exactly what she needed to challenge the final boss and stole the kill.

Final rankings:

1st: Marianne - 26,969,759 G

2nd: Lysithea - 8,731,631 G

3rd: Hilda - 5,242,569 G

4th: Leonie - 4,553,531 G

Lysithea would have won if she hadn't missed that final hit. I was imagining Hilda and Leonie cheering and chanting as Lysithea rushed to finish off the boss before Marianne got there and they started screaming when Lysithea missed the final blow. She was totally sulking when Marianne got the exact roll she needed and was salty through the entire end of the game.

But don't worry. Lysithea apologized to Marianne after and congratulated her for winning.

#original post #dokapon kingdom #fire emblem 3 houses

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newhologram · 2 years ago

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10 whole years ago, Cleo died and my world came crashing down. My mental and physical health tanked, with 6 new diagnoses within a year. I dropped out of acting class, and auditions and set work came to a screeching halt for a while. For years, it took me hours each day to get out of bed. I had to navigate disability and illness in young adulthood alone, with those closest to me telling me what a burden I was because I was too sick to work full time and move out. So I forced myself to work multiple jobs even when I was in and out of the ER and constant appointments (like I still am today) when I really should've been resting and taking care of my body. I was in constant burn-out, throwing up in secret at work, because the feeling of shame and being a useless loser being put upon me was so great, I felt like if I didn't "earn" being alive, that I shouldn't be alive at all. I felt completely worthless.

I almost didn’t survive the past 10 years. But I did, and I don’t think any of it made me “stronger." But it did teach me a lot that I'm glad I can use to help others. I'm proud of how far I've come and I like the person I've become. But I don't think suffering in isolation like that or enduring abuse is necessary to make us strong; we should be there for each other, not turning away from another's suffering out of discomfort (that's selective empathy and it kills). This path was like being put through a spiritual meat grinder and it forced me to make a lot of “cuts” to who is allowed access to me. It showed me what my family really thinks of me and which friends were real friends. 4 years ago, on the 6th anniversary of Cleo's death, I brought Ashley and Maxwell home. It was a beautiful way to bring things full circle and that feeling is even stronger now. It's hard to reconcile that 10 years went by because I couldn't see myself living past my 20's in this same sort of situation: at home, disabled, too sick to follow my dreams. I feel like a ghost, or a misplaced collection of memories put into a body and a life that I can't always identify with. Especially after last year, with over a hundred appointments, so many tests, and being monitored for multiple different kinds of cancer while on ketamine therapy... That was a new sort of trauma that has given me a strange mixed sense of numbness and freedom. Somehow I've come back around to a piece of myself that was lost in trying to be "something" or "not a waste/burden" 10 years ago, when this started. Now I can just be. There will always be more that I want to do with myself in this world, dreams that I want to make real, creative ambitions to fulfill. There is so much medical care I need but can't access in this broken country. For me, there will always be depressive or CPTSD relapses to recover from, agonizing chronic illness flare-ups to manage, new medications to try. But ultimately, happiness is simple. It's sitting here on a rainy morning with Maxwell asleep next to me and Ashley running around with her favorite toy. It's taking a nap after editing videos or enduring stressful doctor appointments. It's long baths to help with the pain and playing video games after. The only thing to do is to live. There is no "wasting" when you're having fun, even with these apparent "little things." I'm grateful to Cleo for her love, and for the things I learned losing her as well as losing Opie and Jeremy. I'm grateful to Blue, Ashley, and Maxwell for teaching me again, or maybe for the first time, the simple contentedness of just being alive.

#cleo #ashley #maxwell #personal

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thefaiao · 2 years ago

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About two months ago my laptop’s HDD died. I couldn’t really recover anything in the moment, and just left it unplugged inside the case until I could take it somewhere to check if it the files were truly unsalvageable. I wasn’t that annoyed by it. I had backed up most important files relating to game work, and I didn’t care too much about drawings that I already posted. I wouldn’t mind backing them up, but I wouldn’t lose sleep over it since they are posted somewhere already. This HDD actually had been on a long journey with me. It, together with the laptop, carried me through a whole year of living alone and isolated for everyone I knew. It had been having problems since forever but it soldiered through most of it. It’s actually impressive how long it lasted, to be fair. But any times it would show hints of death then, I’d have a nervous breakdown. My anxiety and isolation were at a critical level. Drinking some Monster sent me to the hospital for pure anxiety. So all the bad stuff blended together at the time, and I couldn’t bother to fix all of it. When you are living day by day and hanging on by a thread on all sides, every loss can feel very major. It only died after I moved back home. The worst part about losing the HDD was having to reinstall all the programs, and relearn my routine. When working on long-term projects, routine is really the only thing that can carry you further. Games are composed of so many different pieces. The amount of programs you have to use really incentivise terrible habits, like leaving the computer on eternally, or having multiple programs open at all times. When I got my first drawing tablet, my thought process was: “If I put this in front of me, eventually I’ll draw on it, even if out of boredom.” This actually worked. I think that by leaving all the different programs open, I am hoping to finish the game out of boredom. But it doesn’t work as well when you are on your mid-twenties and the weight of life starts creeping up your back. It just feels like you are stuck in some sort of hell, and if you aren’t using those programs or drawing, you aren’t really doing anything. I wasn’t a teen trying to teach myself how to draw like those cool internet artists; rather, I was an adult, with a faulty income source, alone, in the middle of nowhere. I think moving out of my Mom’s apartment was a form of attempted suicide. I think I just wanted to leave the world, make the game or die. Games take longer than it’d take me to die. Maybe I didn’t know this consciously, but deep down I think I understood. It’s hard not to feel like a failure. My parents always let me follow my whims. My Dad supports me, but I feel he sees me as more of a symbol. I don’t think he could describe my interests in detail, or the person I am. I am similarly distant to him, but I know he likes Blade Runner, and records, and running, and pretending to smoke big cigars. I like Blade Runner too. I wish he saw that I’m happy he likes Blade Runner, because I got to like Blade Runner because of that. My Mom does understand me, and is able to describe who I am. But I don’t ever feel she is happy with my choices. She doesn’t mention it actively, perhaps out of tiredness, but she wishes I had a normal job, or had chosen another subject that not games. I don’t think the drawings or the commissions I’ve done mean anything to her. I don’t think they mean anything to anyone outside of my circles... I managed to support myself with them, but I wouldn’t say it was a completely successeful endeavour. I think she sees the game as a waste of time and energy, especially if it doesn’t make any money. It might not make any money. It’s understandable. She won’t be here forever. I need a stable source of money, not just enough to pay some bills, sometimes. I feel I almost got tricked by the world into following my dream. I felt everything was telling me I should be honest with myself, and that I should chase after the things that mattered to me. So that’s what I did, and what I’ve been doing still. I’m not sure where I’m going in life. I think I just heard what I wanted to hear, and I always wanted to chase after a dream. Two days ago, my new SSD died. I had used it to boot the laptop back up after the HDD died. I had already gotten into the routine again. It was brand new, and gifted by my friend to me. I didn’t ask for it, she just did it because she knew I needed it. I often complain about life, but thinking back now, this is truly something not everyone gets. It was brand new. It died suddenly. I lost a good chunk of work on the game. We are getting closer to finishing the demo, so each part is major. I may have lost a model of the boss. This time I did have a nervous breakdown because of the loss of the laptop. The truth is that this past year has been setbacks after setbacks, and I feel my time ticking down. Money worries from both my parents. Dog getting a tracheostomy, and all the medical care surrounding it. Having to live apart from my girlfriend, which I am dedicated to being with as long as I can. Having to constantly move to other places, without any certainty for the future, for reasons internal and external. And death, death everywhere. I’ve gotten the habit of looking at my dog knowing he is living on borrowed time, getting sad, and petting him just a bit. I think that through all of this, I do a similar thing to the game. I look at it. Wonder how much time I have left to keep working and polishing it before moving on. Be happy about how far its come. Notice how much needs work on closer inspection. Get back to work. When I spend a few weeks away from the game I noticed how much I care for it, and how much I like what it is. I don’t think everyone will notice why this matters to me, but maybe that is fine. And similarly, I feel like this about my dog. He may pass away soon, but he came so far, lived fifteen years and had many adventures. And I got to take care of him. So it’s not so bad. And he still barks everyday, and he still takes sunbaths. He still thinks, and decides. The people who’ve been with me despite all of this puzzle me. My girlfriend has stuck with me through these decisions, and always says I am destined to make great things. The programmer, whom co-develops the game with me, has stuck with me and this game, and is willing to keep going as far as we need to make it complete. Things like this make me wonder if my dream is actually possible and real. And that I can brave through all these setbacks. Is the game really that good? Is my work that good? Does it even matter if it is? I often show it to people and they don’t understand what’s good about it. All I know for now is that despite everything, I want to work on it still. I want to make this weird dream come true. I won’t get to play a game like the one I’m making, but maybe someone else out there will get to play it the way I wish I could.

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onebigowlhouseobsession · 2 years ago

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I'm re-writing this piece from scratch! Whoo! Thought I would post the first (new) chapter here because I need to get back to posting my writing here on my blog... something I am often too lazy to do, lol.

Summary: Feelings are ships in bottles, waiting for when the cork is one day loosened.

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Cassie has been thinking a lot about the ocean, recently.

She thinks about ships in bottles, vessels down-sized and encapsulated entirely in glass. She considers what it might be like to be that ship, placed in a container that is much too small and from which there is no escape. They are built piece by tiny piece, within this microcosm, this bottle, with meticulous care. It is a labor of love, building a ship within a bottle, and it cannot be undone. Not unless you are ready to destroy what you have so carefully crafted, and yourself, in the process.

Cassie thinks that she is much like the bottle. In this elaborate metaphor she is the bottle and her feelings are the ship. Her thoughts are the rigging, her happiness the sails, contentment the planks and rivets. The unspoken, the unfathomed, are the wild plants that grow unchecked in every corner untended, taking over with time.

The ship will never reach the water, but it hardly matters because the bottle will shatter long before it has the chance.

Cassie thinks a lot about possibilities. What ifs and what may come. She thinks, frequently, on the right words and phrases to communicate precisely what she means. She thinks about ships in bottles, and about how terrifying it is to be the ship no matter how much you adore the hand that creates.

She isn't thinking any of that right now.

It's difficult to breathe. Her chest aches.

She thinks she might be dying. She must be. She's never experienced it before, death, but this has to be what it's like. Her lungs refuse to intake any air, and her insides feel as though they're being turned inside out. She's coughing, hacking, heaving, as if she has a terminal illness...

No, that must be it. She's simply sick. Perhaps she's picked up a bug, or has caught a particularly bad case of the flu. The Gulch does get especially cold in the winter, with piles of snow that slowly accumulate on the ground through the entirety of the season and ice that coats the branches of the ancient evergreens in the forest, and all those freezing temperatures greatly increased the likelihood of getting sick.

It isn't at all uncommon for a common cold or something similar to pass amongst the seven of them over the course of several days, and Cassie had seen Bob coughing like this just a couple days ago. So, perhaps it was, simply, a cold.

Hopefully with some well-planned rest and a few bowls of soup, she'd be able to recover from it quickly. She was far too busy to have the time to be sick, after all.

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Compton was terribly worried. It was becoming rather late into the morning and still he had not seen Cassie. He supposed it was possible she'd simply chosen to sleep in later than usual, but it was odd for him to be awake before her all the same. Usually she'd greet him in the kitchen and they'd drink tea, discussing their plans for the coming day.

She must be very tired then, Compton thought. He let the front door creak open, then shut again as he entered the house. He tried very hard to be thoughtful, taking the care to step softly and slowly as he made his way around the kitchen. He put the kettle out to heat on the stove, fussing over it quietly, but he paused immediately as soon as he heard coughing from further in the house. He made a mental note to bring a cup of tea to Cassie as soon as he was done brewing the pot (hot tea was an excellent way to soothe an irritated throat, after all) but the continued sound of coughing was enough to concern him.

Instead of going back to minding the tea Compton shuffled quickly through the hallway, making his way toward the bedroom at the back of the house.

The door eased open, and Compton stepped into the room. He could see Cassie seated on the side of the bed, honey-comb patterned quilt pulled around her shoulders and head in her hands as she tried to catch her breath.

“Cassie, are you alright?” He asked gently.

“Oh, Compton! Sorry, I didn’t notice you came in.” Cassie smiled at him, or at least tried to. As things stood it looked more like a grimace, and she winced after a moment, hand moving to hover over her chest. Her voice was scratchy and hoarse, and she sounded like she was in a great deal of pain that she was working valiantly to mask.

She glanced over at the clock on her bedside, squinting her eyes as she stared at it blearily. “Uh, what time is it?”

Compton didn’t need to look, but his gaze followed that same direction anyway. The red numbers glowed brightly in the half dark since the curtains were, shockingly, all drawn closed. She never left the curtains closed. “It’s nearly noon.”

Cassie’s eyes widened and her eyebrows shot upward. “Oh no, I am so sorry. We had that meeting today, right?” She scrambled to her feet immediately, rushing over to her closet to procure her sandals, the ones she could slip on quickly and fasten properly as she walked. Compton watched as she darted to and fro, looking for a pencil here or a notebook there. She stuffed whatever she thought she needed in a cloth shoulderbag Compton had seen her use many, many times before, and she was on her way towards the door before Compton could even properly process what was going on. Compton wasn’t shocked per se, seeing as her specialty was multi-tasking and therefore also efficiency, but her sudden vibrancy was a far cry from what he’d seen even moments before. He stared a bit.

Cassie tapped him on the shoulder as she passed, still fastening one sandal strap while she stepped into the hall. “C’mon, Compton. Let’s go before I make us any later.”

Compton fell into step beside his best friend. He handed her the cup of tea before they reached the kitchen, and she smiled appreciatively before taking it by the handle. She sipped at it as they walked through the house. Compton noticed the disorder of the bookshelves once more when they passed through the main interior, but he didn’t mention it. Cassie was still talking, after all, and the last thing Compton ever wanted to be was inconsiderate.

“We’ll never hear the end of it from Otto if we aren’t on time. Or, I won’t, at least. He’s seemed to have taken a liking to you, so I’m sure you’ll be fine. But if I’m even five minutes off I’ll likely have to deal with him calling me Tardy Cassie or the like for a whole week, or until he tires of it at any rate. But, naturally, if Otto and Bob both show up high as a kite we aren’t supposed to mention it.” She laughed at that, which quickly devolved into a full blown coughing fit that made her stop in her tracks.

Compton felt a great deal of concern bubbling up within him, and he turned his full attention toward her. “Are you sick?” He asked, watching for the signs of a conclusion he’s suspected since he first saw her today.

There was a short but stark moment where she considered lying to him. He could see it in her face, the quiet conflict that rested there.

She wanted to offer him reassurance regardless of whether it was true or not, because she didn’t want him to worry about her. She never wanted any of the others to worry about her, but especially not Compton. They’ve talked about it before, though, her wanting to protect him in this way– and he’d been quite clear it never helped. He was worried already, so there was no point in trying to avoid that now, and empty reassurances tended to have the opposite effect for him, anyway. He’ll just worry more, wondering what she wasn’t telling him. Catastrophizing, imagining all of the worst possibilities.

They both understood and accepted that complete honesty was best.

Cassie huffed out a quiet breath, then nodded. “Possibly, yes.” The grass leading to Cassie’s home soon transitioned into large grit gravel, a mix of smooth pebbles and rough rocks that were a tad uncomfortable underfoot. It kept the ground from becoming terribly muddy when it rained, however, making it a fair trade. The sun was bright and shining, their shadows short and stubby as they continued cutting through the Gulch toward the Heptadome. They could see the glass by now, shining and glittering in the light.

Cassie spoke quieter, just in case anyone was around to listen. “But there really is nothing for you to be concerned about. I’ve been sick before, and I’m sure I’ll be sick again… life is a long time, after all.” When that does little to relieve the worry Compton was feeling, Cassie added, “I will be perfectly fine.”

“Maybe we should go back? If you aren’t feeling well it might be best for you to stay home.”

“Don’t be silly, Boolie."

"I could stay with you? I don't think missing one meeting will be much of an issue…"

"I'm not missing this over a silly cough."

"I don't mean to be pushy, but I think you need rest."

"Boolie, I need rest about as much as I need–"

“Hey you two! We were worried you might have gotten lost on the way!” Helmut waved cheerfully as soon as he caught sight of them, which was still quite a distance from the Heptadome proper. He jogged over to them, grinning in that way he does, bright as strobe lights, and threw his arms around their shoulders as he walked with them. “We sure woulda missed you guys. Glad you could make it!”

"We wouldn't miss it for the world," Cassie replied, maybe a tad exaggerative, but Helmut's grin grew at the statement, and it was worth it in the end.

"Heck yeah! Otto was super excited this morning. Something about bottles. Haven't been able to get the details out of him just yet, but everyone is really hyped."

"And here I was, just about to ask what the shenanigans of the day might be."

Helmut chuckled, but before he could properly respond all three of them got a face full of smoke that was currently wafting out from the front of the Heptadome. They couldn't actually see inside because the entire doorway was filled with… an unidentified gas leaking out, swirling in the air, colored a light purple that became blue that became green, so on and so forth, before dissipating into the open air of the surrounding Gulch. Helmut and Compton cough a bit on the fumes, the former of the two waving a hand in front of his face to try to clear some of it. Cassie, who's eyes have begun to water, barely managed not to choke on the tainted air.

"Is this… smoke…?" Compton's eyes widened. "Is someone burning something?"

Helmut shook his head. "Nah. This stuff has been coming out of whatever Otto's working on for a while now. It wasn't this bad before though."

Cassie started to cough again, body wracking coughs that made her chest hurt.

"Yo, Cass, are you good?"

"I'm fine." She was tearing up, now. The ache that had settled in her chest, ripping and tearing and rending, felt something like sadness in its most visceral form. She wanted to curl into a tiny ball and cry and she had no idea why.

"Cassie–"

"Can someone clear this up, please?"

"Hey, Otto! What's going on in there?" Helmut called inside. "Are you making poison with your chemistry set?" He joked.

There was a call shot back after a moment, preceded by a scoff. "No, not today! This test is perfectly harmless to the human body. Mostly. As far as I can tell. Why are you asking?"

"Whatever you're making in there is messing with Cassie real bad."

Cassie hissed softly, wiping at her eyes with the heel of her palm. She placed a hand at the crook of Helmut's elbow to get his attention. "Don't tell him that," She practically pleaded.

"Why not? It's true, right?"

"You truly do not understand how obnoxious he can get."

"Did you tell her that that's just the price we scientists must pay? If she's not up for pushing things forward, then why even try?"

"No, I didn't!" Helmut shouted back.

"Alright! Tell her that, then."

A new voice chimed in. "Come now. Don't you think you're being a little unreasonable?"

"We've been over this countless times," Otto replied. "No one has to participate who doesn't want to."

"Well I think you should be a little more lenient." It took Cassie a minute to notice it was Lucy speaking, but as soon as she did she could easily picture the teasing smile she was likely wearing now.

"Ford, back me up here!"

"Don't pull me into this. I'm going to go get the fan."

It took a few minutes, maybe five, for Ford to find a fan but soon after the space began to clear. The fumes clogging the space mainly dissipated with help from the fan, and once it was mostly gone they could see Otto standing in the middle of the Heptadome in front of a long table, covered in a series of beakers, bottles and tubes connecting them all. A few rounded bottles, filled to the brim with liquid, were lined up in a row on the table, and Otto held one filled with a blue liquid in his hand. Each one of them had their own trail of colored vapor, rising slowly from their openings.

Ford was still minding the fan, turning it further toward the door. He walked over to the table and stood next to Otto once he was done.

Bob was nowhere to be found, but that had become a common and repeating occurrence recently. If asked, Bob's excuse was almost always invariably working with his plants, but it started to fall a bit flat after a while. Cassie had been meaning to ask him what was really going on, but had her own concerns at the moment.

"Now that that whole debacle's been handled can we finally get to the reason we're all here?" Otto held up the bottle in his hand with a wide grin. "Who wants to test my newest creation first?"

No one raised their hand. After a few beats of silence Helmut raised his.

"I wanted to ask a question. Was it safe to sit in here with all that… stuff in the air? Because I think we've already been in here two hours."

Ford nodded in agreement.

Otto just laughed. "That is the question, isn't it? Anyway–"

"Hey, Cassie!" She turned, startled by the call though it was relatively quiet. Lucy was smiling at her, patting the cushion next to her. "You should sit next to me!"

"Oh, really? Are you sure?"

"Of course I am. C'mon." She patted the cushion a couple more times for good measure, then turned back to Otto. She was obviously expecting Cassie to sit.

Cassie sat down next to Lucy, tucking her legs under her, hands in her lap. The ache in her chest had settled down into something of an itch, small and easily ignored, so she decided to do just that; ignore it. With that in mind, she turned her full attention back to Otto, who was still in the midst of explaining.

“--What if I told you it was possible to emulate the essence of any known emotion through the use of psitanium and a slurry of synthetic compounds?”

“Any emotion?”

“Within reason, but, yes, that is what I’m saying.”

Helmut hummed in thought. “What about uh… homesickness?”

“No, that’s too specific. Tamp that down more to general hopelessness and that’s closer to the ballpark.” Otto picked up a different bottle, this one a pale green that glowed like it was toxic. “Want to guess what this one is?”

“Radiation poisoning,” Helmut suggested with a laugh. “Yeah, that one is one hundred percent Radiation Poisoning.”

“I see someone's taken Bob’s position as resident heckler.”

“Somebody’s gotta keep you in check,” Ford said.

“Instead of being researchers you should all become comedians.” Otto rolled his eyes. “Alright, everybody take a bottle. Let’s see how well this stuff works.”

Lucy leaned toward Cassie, whispering to her. “I believe things are about to get interesting.”

She was very close, for a moment, close enough to make Cassie inexplicably nervous– close enough that she could count her lashes, if she so chose, and she could see the golden flecks in her green eyes. Cassie tried to swallow back that odd sensation that was twining its way through her chest once more, something like itching moss tugging at her heartstrings. She reminded herself to do some research on viruses or illnesses that cause… heartburn, perhaps… once this was all over.

Before she could think of a proper reply, a bottle was being shoved into her hands. A lavender purple liquid swirled inside, gleaming just barely even in the bright light streaming through the Heptadome’s glass.

The others held identical bottles, each of a different shade. Lucy was entirely transfixed by the pink liquid in hers, watching it swirl and swirl around like a storm in a bottle as she held it up to the light.

The blue bottle remained on the table, near to Otto but still untouched thus far.

Ford picked up a pencil, scribbling something into the margins of the notebook he was holding.

"I think that makes us ready to get started." Otto announced. "Right, Cruller?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

Compton stared at his bottle with an apprehensive look. After a while longer of just staring at it, he raised his hand.

"Yeah, Compton?" Otto asked.

"Um. Is this… safe?"

"Of course it is. Probably."

The silence stretched on.

"Yeah, I'm with Compton on this one," Helmut pointed at the bottle in his own hand, the same noxious green one from earlier, and made a face. "I'm not taking this unless you do it, too."

"I'm observing–" Otto began to protest, but Ford cut him off.

"I'm the one making the observations. You're just standing around watching." He picked up the blue bottle with a smirk and shoved it into Otto's hands. "C'mon, you made it, you can test it. Bottoms up."

Otto sighed, but acquiesced. "Fine. Luckily for you all I'm taking one for the team. This one is by far the worst."

"You're our hero, Toto," Lucy teased, and all the others, besides Otto at least, laughed.

"So, are we all just going to stare at each other and not drink this or what?" Helmut looked around at all the faces around him. None of them looked all that excited about their individual bottles. Compton was still watching his like it was a feral animal that might bite him.

Cassie tried not to look at hers all that deeply.

Distilled emotions. The concept was… worrisome.

"Okay, that's enough stalling." Ford held up a hand, holding up five fingers. "I'm going to count down to five and everyone is going to drink theirs at the same time."

Ford lowered a finger for each second. Five. Four. Three. Two. At the end of the five seconds, they each took a sip. The difference in time could only have been a few seconds, but as it turned out a lot could happen in that time.

At first, nothing happened at all. Lucy drank hers first, and she mentioned that it tasted sweet, like plums, and wasn't that just lovely. Helmut was second, and he had nothing to say about the flavor, but his mouth puckered up and that was saying more than enough. Compton only took a sip of his, quick and hesitant, and then flinched as if he had burnt his tongue.

Otto didn't react at all, initially, downing a fourth of the bottle and then pondering about potency after the fact.

Cassie drank hers, but all she could note beyond a slight citrusy taste was the way the pit in her stomach grew wider.

Nothing really happened at first, but it didn't take it long to come into full effect.

Everyone stared when Compton, mild-mannered Compton, started to shout in rage.

Cassie didn't think she'd ever seen Otto cry, either, but he suddenly broke out into tears, abruptly, without warning. He was wailing loudly, and Cassie was startled by the sound. A sweeping dread fell over her, like a wave, and she cringed away, shuddering.

"--Why are you being so inconsiderate! You can't treat people like that! I won't be treated like that!"

Bang! There was a crash, and someone was shouting even louder. Cassie yelped and cowered, and it took her a long, long while to realize it was Compton's voice that was making all the noise. And it was just noise to her, a terrifying, frightening noise. She had no idea how or why, but somehow that noise was going to hurt her.

"Take a chill pill already dude. Geez." Helmut scoffed, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling.

"I'm trying. I'm trying my best. I keep working harder but will I ever be good enough? What if I'm never able to prove that I'm worth something?" Otto sobbed between words. "Has anything I've done amounted to anything?"

"--Lab rats?! Is that all we are to you?!--"

Ford held his hands up, eyes wide. "Hey, I'm just the guy with the clipboard!"

"Am I a failure?" Otto blubbered.

"That's so gross." Helmut said, sticking his tongue out with a disgusted face. "Are you crying, man?"

Cassie was afraid. Scared that Helmut would judge her and Otto would never stop crying and that guy with the clipboard was surely out to get her. She was terrified of not meeting expectations and being hated and being discarded, and that guy, Ford, was staring at her and sneering and jotting down words and she feared what he might be writing. Dread settled in the back of her mind and along her spine and sunk deep into her flesh, and she couldn't hear because she was so afraid.

Compton ranted and raved, storming out with steps that felt like miniature earthquakes, and Cassie found she was afraid of his anger, too. Otto's vulnerability was too intense and too acute– frightening in its own right. Helmut's judgment was piercing, sharp and almost painful.

Ford was still writing with the scratch of graphite on paper and she dreaded finding out what it said.

She curled into a ball, forehead against her knees and arms around her shins, anything to block out everything else. Still her thoughts ran rampant, coming up with dozens of horrifying scenarios with which to torment her.

She had no idea how much time had passed, but she felt a tap on her shoulder. Cassie scrambled away as fast as she could, chest heaving as she stared at the would have been, possible assailant.

Lucy looked back at her, head tilted to the side. There was a small, lopsided smile tugging at her mouth, and her expression was… soft. Incredibly affectionate.

Cassie gaped at her.

"Are you okay? You look really frightened," Her voice was soothing and gentle.

Cassie swallowed hard, still trembling. A thought came, a fear she'd shoved as far down as she could, unbidden and entirely unwanted; She'll never feel the same way.

She will never care for you. Not in the way you want.

"I– I–" She couldn't get a word out. Her teeth were clattering. “I… don’t know. Everything is so…” She didn’t know how to describe the feeling, but it was like her entire world was caving in and she was caught in the center of it, terrified of being crushed. “I’m scared,” She whispered, finally, her voice tiny.

A look of determination crossed Lucy’s face, and she didn’t hesitate even for a second before pulling Cassie fully into her arms. She put her chin on Cassie’s shoulder and reached her hand up to cradle the back of her head, supporting her, hugging her tight. “It’s okay, honey. You’re going to be okay, I promise. I know things can be frightening sometimes, especially when you don’t always know what’s going to happen, but I’m here for you right now.”

Something in Cassie’s chest absolutely ached to the point of hurting, tearing, bursting. Another thought came, clear within the haze of fear, unexpected and yet all too easy to predict; Tell her you love her.

“Whatever it is that’s scaring you, I promise I won’t let it hurt you. I would never let anything hurt you. I'm here for you.”

It took Cassie a while to process that fully. Once she did she was left speechless. Cassie didn’t say anything, instead just hiding her face against Lucy’s shoulder, holding on to her even tighter (falling just that little bit more in love.) Lucy brushed a hand over her hair, looking down at her with an expression Cassie was far too overwhelmed to even attempt to notice or identify.

Ford noticed, however. He jotted down a note on the page, closed the book with the pencil wedged inside as a bookmark, and went back to observing.

It took ten more minutes for the effects to wear off, at which point the remaining five of them sat in dead, utter silence. Cassie finally felt like she could breath, for a moment, at least, because then she noticed Lucy was still holding her. She didn't know how to broach the subject without it giving the wrong impression, so she said nothing.

Tell her.

She said nothing. Breathing felt like thorns in her lungs, aching, tearing but she attributed it to the after effects of the distilled emotion compounded by illness and didn't give it another thought.

Otto cleared his throat, took hold of the table leg next to him and pulled himself to his feet. He was eerily quiet.

Helmut glanced around the room then hummed to himself, making a pop sound with his mouth. "Wowza. That was something, huh?" His grin was sheepish, but soon grew wide and amused. "Is it Friday, because that sure was Freaky!"

Lucy was the first one to laugh, bright and unrestrained, absolutely tickled by Helmut's apparent wit. The others joined after a minute or so, and the tense atmosphere was shattered like glass in the heat.

Ford tapped his pencil against his cheek. "So, I think we can all agree that would have been better one at a time."

"Yup," Helmut agreed. "We didn’t dodge that bullet."

"Now we know for next time."

"Hey, where's Compton?"

"He left…" Ford said. "You were kind of giving him a look and I think it ticked him off? He'll probably be back soon, though. The effects should have worn off for him too by now."

"Ah man… I hope I didn't say anything too mean to him." Helmut was already getting to his feet. "I'm going to go find him. Which direction did he go?"

Ford pointed to the side entrance that opened out onto a path that eventually led to the Psychoisolation Chamber.

"Got it." Helmut started jogging in that direction.

"Hey, check up on Flower Boy while you're at it," Otto called after him, voice still a little strained. He certainly sounded as though he'd been crying. "I haven't seen him for two days straight."

Helmut saluted with a nod, but then he stopped with his hand on the top of the doorframe, a grin on his face. "Yeah… Otto, are you sure he isn't avoiding you?"

"Of course not. I'm a f-cking delight. Now get going." Otto shooed him. Helmut grinned yet again, laughing, and made his way out of the Heptadome.

Lucy looked down at Cassie. She still spoke softly, quietly, but it now seemed to be more about not scaring her off as opposed to anything else. “Are you feeling better now?”

"I think so. Thank you for helping me calm down." Cassie noticed that Lucy was holding her hand. She must have taken it while Cassie was spiraling into her chasm of downright debilitating terror.

It all felt rather silly, now. The sun was shining. It was a warm, mid-winter afternoon.

The world was not ending. It wasn't.

"Anytime," Lucy said with a smile. "I'm here whenever you need me."

It was a silly desire, but some part of Cassie hoped she’d never let go. Of course, Cassie glanced at Ford and then away from him just as quickly, face hot with something akin to shame, and she knew she’d have to. But for this moment she chose to bask in what was practically like the all-encompassing warmth of the sun, even if just for a few, short, selfish fractions of time.

And she admitted to herself, right here and now, that Lucy had her heart. She always would.

She did not admit to the way her heart ached at the thought.

---------------

Later that evening, long after the effects had worn off, Ford went to speak to Otto.

As soon as Otto saw him he offered yet another sheepish grin, crossed his arms over his chest, and heaved a great big sigh. “Yeah, yeah, not my best moment I know.”

“I’m not here to talk about that,” Ford said, taking a seat on the edge of Otto’s workbench.

“Really? I was sure you would want to tease me at least a bit.” He shrugged, and he picked his screwdriver back up, continuing to tinker with the handheld device in his hands. “Okay, shoot. What is it you do want to know? And before you say you don’t I can tell when you’ve got something on your mind.”

“What was in that bottle I gave Lucy? I know what all the others were already, but I’m not sure about that one.”

Otto didn’t give much of a response. “That was the mild stuff, just like I told you. Why does it matter?”

“Can't you just answer the question?”

“Don’t get your mustache in a twist, alright. It’s uh… you know, the pink one.”

“That tells me nothing.”

“You don’t think of emotions as colors? Is this not obvious? Sadness is blue, anger is red, revulsion or disgust is green, so on and so forth.” Otto paused, waiting to see if this concept was going to click with Ford. When it didn’t, Otto just sighed. “Really Ford? This is so much easier to talk about with Helmut.”

Otto put down his screwdriver and the device, before spinning around in his chair so he could look directly at Ford. “The bottle you gave Lucy was Love, which was one of the one’s I debated making at all for the record, because, honestly, what are the real world, practical applications for something like that?”

“Right, but depression on demand is going to be super useful.”

“Shut up, Cruller.” Otto shot back instantly. “I’m not the one who had someone making lovey-dovey eyes at me for an hour and still couldn’t figure out what the emotion behind them was supposed to be.”

Ford punched Otto in the arm with a laugh. “Oh really? How would you know? You spent the whole time bawling your eyes out!”

“Suuuure. But you were completely lucid. So what’s your excuse, hotshot?”

Ford balled up a piece of paper and chucked it at Otto, hitting him square in his forehead. Otto threw it back but missed by a long shot.

“Who’s the hotshot now? Oh, yeah, not you.”

Otto snatched the notebook from Ford. “You’re hilarious. Whatever." He flipped it open to the latest page. "At least tell me you took good notes?”

“What do you think I am? Unprofessional?”

Otto raised an eyebrow and said nothing.

Ford glowered at him, but then he nodded. “Yeah, I made sure to document everything. I know how this works.”

“Great." Otto flipped a few pages, skimming Ford's messy, sprawling handwriting, before closing the notebook and tossing it back to Ford. "We should go over the data tomorrow and then start compiling conclusions."

"Sure." Ford opened the notebook again, re-reading his last observation.

Most of what he'd seen was entirely, or at least mostly, expected. Compton's anger and Helmut's disgust were par for the course. It was odd seeing Otto so dejected but it was, again, something they'd planned for.

What he hadn't expected was the way Lucy looked at Cassie. He recognized it for what it was, now.

Love.

The only real question was why she was trying to hide it in the first place.

Why hadn't she told him?

He'd have to ask her when he got the chance.

#psychonauts 2 #psychonauts #my writing #psychonauts fanfiction #cassielucy #cassie o'pia #lucrecia mux #hanahaki au lucassie baby!#oboho writes

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bg-sparrow · 2 years ago

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hello, 📁 for my boy 40s doc please >:3

Alright, you know half of these are going to be from Now I Am Become Death, but I’ll sprinkle in some others!

Doc tells his mother about his “new job in New Mexico” “doing science for the war effort” but that’s about all he tells her. It’s just a courtesy thing that he’s moving. He trusts her to pass on the news to his father and doesn’t bother doing so himself. Doc takes the occasional phone call from his mother in Los Alamos; she’s probably his one consistent contact “on the outside” (if you count a monitored phone call every five or six months).

Doc is in the know fairly early on that they are making an atom bomb (which is a big deal, as only a few dozen people knew this in the whole Manhattan Project). He’s even housed in his own apartment in a building that he shares with two other people in the know, his neighbor being Kenneth Bainbridge (director of Trinity test). He takes regular polygraphs and has his quarters/ belongings searched regularly to ensure he’s keeping things under wraps.

Doc hates the heat of New Mexico but appreciates the lack of humidity compared to Northern California. It takes him a long time to get used to the dust, though. He is so sick of all the dust.

There is a unit of young soldiers/ MPs that Emmett somehow finds himself entwined with. They are sort of at odds at first — Donnie, the leader of the pack, is very pro-bomb while Emmett is very naive, thinking the bomb will just be used as a demonstration. They don’t seek out each other’s company or intentionally hang out, but their paths cross often enough to acknowledge one another as someone they know. Over time, the soldiers “adopt” him as “poindexter”. They barrel into his apartment to listen to Truman announce the end of the war and cheer for him when he plays his saxophone at the talent show. They’re probably his favorite friends by the time they part ways from The Hill.

Recreation-wise? Doc is a morning paper guy. He’ll stay up all hours of the night working on equations and ratios, but count on him to be at his breakfast table with a newspaper on the regular because the soldier’s gossip only tells him so much. When he does make himself go home at a decent hour, he puts on the radio while he gets ready for bed, usually listening to news or a baseball game. Maybe once he went to the movie theater on a quadruple date with the soldiers, but he and his date knew immediately there were no sparks there/ only agreed to it because of so-and-so.

A few months after joining the project, Doc comes down with the hard-hitting influenza sweeping the country in December 1943. He stubbornly tries to work through it, partially in competition with other colleagues putting in time at the office who are also sick. He spends two whole days in bed at its worst.

Doc slowly realizes this bomb may not be used as a scare tactic, and it hits him full-force at the Trinity test that Japan needs to surrender or else. When they don’t, he has an anxiety attack because he knows what’s coming. As the footage of Hiroshima and Nagasaki makes its way back to them and his government tries to give him a medal for his part in winning the war, it all comes crashing down on him.

He’s put on administrative leave and tranquilizers while he sees a psychiatrist. He can’t do/ refuses most of the available therapies — insulin shock, electric shock, no energy for physical exercise — but he tries an instrument after his therapist tells him how well soldiers recover in convalescent homes when exposed to music. He’s terrible at the saxophone, but he learns enough to do a duet with a fellow beginner musician for a talent show as a therapy goal.

But what really helps get Doc back on track is discarding the Medal of Merit he was awarded for his service on the project. He doesn’t want praise for what his work was used for. He goes offsite and chucks it into the Rio Grande one night, and things quickly start looking up from there.

In January 1946, General Groves offers Doc a job in Washington to research his ideas on time travel, but Doc refuses. He doesn’t want his science under the government’s thumb anymore; he’s seen what they do with it. He politely declines and insists life in the private sector would be best for his mental well-being.

And that’s most of it, I think! Thanks so much for the ask! I’d love to see more file emojis in my ask box, so go for it!

#back to the future #bttf #doc brown #40s doc #manhattan project #head canon #headcanon #asks #answered asks #thank you!

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randomkposts · 1 year ago

Text

Usually I post something UD around Canadian Elections, which sometimes is around Canadian Thanksgiving. It being October again had me think of it.

I have written down varied notes in places for a possible Josh Time Loop fic. These are some of the ones I had in google docs.

Putting them here in hopes that reading them again might spark something down the line. Or maybe it will inspire someone else to write it.

Personally, I think the hardest people to write a time loop fic for, are Mike, Sam, and Josh. Josh for being a plot setter, Mike for being the most in the loop and active, and Sam for being mostly out of the monster clueline until the end, which is why she needed the obvious hints of the grave and diary to connext it to Hannah. Which could be intresting, except she has the most plot armor. So its hard to find a good place to loop... Although Josh messing up and ODing her has possiblities, it is also very bad for their relationship.

I have written a mike TT, which was short, and seen a good one by someone else. Actually, I mention a UD TT fics in my Emily TT for every chapter she dies in but the first.

I'll post links at the bottom. In the meantime, on to Josh!

---

Josh on a time loop, and other UD theory stuff

saw a theory, that makes sense to me. The theory was that players couldn't save Josh, not directly because of karma from the prank or anything, but because he killed animals on the mountain. The pigs that he used in the prank. Most instances of Characters messing with nature on the mountain lead to nature retaliating. Jessica accidentally hits and kills a bird in a snowball fight, and almost has to dodge icicles not long after. Matt is loud and angry around a herd of moose, and can get kicked off a cliff. There are some exceptions, such as Chris shooting the squirrel and sam getting attacked, but overall it seems to follow that pattern. Josh killed several pigs to get the ingredients for his prank, and nature retaliated.

The prank can be reworked to avoid killing any pigs, just take out faking his death, And leaving a pigs head for Matt and Emily to find. The bit with the guns could still work. Sam's bath takes somewhere between 2-3 hours, If I have my math right. I'd also probably swap victims, and send Emily and Matt to the cabin (Emily is the likeliest one to call the police), Have Jess and Mike be the main targets of the prank (Jess is now a believer of ghosts, for story), and lock Chris and Ashley in a room escape room style (sure they may get claustrophobia, but thats way less traumatic then cannon). Nothing happened to Matt and Emily (they were faster then Mike and Jess), but thats what part two is for, I guess. Don't know what it would be though.

Matt surviving could make things more wild, as a Matt who didn't encounter wendigo's before meeting Jess, can warn her about the Psycho. Who he heard about, but never saw. So picture Matt and Jess escaping the mines together, and concluding everything happened because of the psycho. They describe Wendigo's to the police, because they never saw the psycho in person, and everyone who did and all other evidence is gone in the blaze.

In seriousness, I would like to write about Jess post game, but I would probably focus on recovering from the Coma, and the associated brain damage. Because real life, being unconscious that long would give her all sorts of brain damage. The longer the coma, the poorer chance of recovery, so after several hours, she was lucky to wake up at all, let alone be coordinated enough to escape, especially when paired with her physical injuries. So, I want to play that more realistic. I might have Matt and Emily survive, too, so she has a support network, and other people to the the story. Particularly interesting if Matt and Emily are at odds after the radio tower, but keeping their friendship with her.

I like Josh too. I saw a theory, that maybe sense to me for why you could not save him. It has nothing to do with his actions twords other people, and instead has to do with his actions twords nature. Nature punishes the protagonists for acting against it. Such as when Jess accidently kills a bird with a snowball, and almost dies to Icicles. Josh, to get the ingredients for his prank, killed several pigs. The only one who isn't directly impacted by that one is Chris, who killed nature, and Sam got hurt for it.

I like to think about theories. And I realise I forgot the biggest example of Matt acting agressively around the hoard of moose, and being kicked off a cliff (if the player failed the QTE's). The one possible death that had nothing to do with monster's. I didn't do any of that on my first playthrough, but on chapter select I tried out some stuff, on the way to my, 'everybody dies 'run. Except Wolfie, who I went out of the way to save.

Now, takeing out any animal death from Josh's prank, mostly means avoiding fakeing his death, and not hideing Emily's bag to have them encounter a pigs head. That we see, anyway. The monsters derailed anything else we might have seen of it. So we can still have ghosts, and fake killer, and shoot yourself, or your girl scenario. Except either the gun is unloaded, or Josh is past the point of careing if the blanks kill someone, so someone gets seriously injured as a result. Josh should know that blanks can kill. Now let's swap targets. Give Emily and Matt the key to the cottage after the fight, beacuse Emily is the one canoncially smart enough to call for help, and should be saved for later. Emily and Matt get to the cabin fine, beacuse they are nither looking for the bag, nor pranking eachother, and are unlikley to be kidnapped as Jess was. I think they would stay away from the door. Lock Ashley and in Chris in a room to either work out their feelings or bond over the development of claustrophobia. Their adventures will be like escape room. Sam, will be out of the picture, as her bath took somewhere between 2-3 hours if I am doing my math right. Focus the prank around Jessica and Mike. We will give Jessica some belif in the supernatural for this to work, as Cannon doesn't let us play her enough to say that she doesn't believe. Other nuances would be changed due to different intended victims, an I'm sure there would be more to the prank, but I can't say I would know what else to add, as I am not much one for pranking.

I think, that Hannah was in there, somewhat, enough to know her old friends, and have feelings on how she killed them, but it wasn't enough to save them long term. The three people who she felt strongest about, were the ones who lasted the longest. I am unsure what it meant about her feelings on Josh when she crushed his head, as she seems to collect heads (like Beth's) , as a sign that she had some care for them. Emily's head is not collected if she isn't killed by Mike, which may indicate she didn't intend to save it. I don't know if Mike and Sam's stomachs being hit, and a slow death was an indication of care, so much as it was an indication Hannah lost the battle against restraint to not kill them.

I agree he probably would have lived if he weren't worried about Chris. I do think that Hannah's different hunting style was a factor in his death, as Hannah kills differently from the other monsters, as seen by the strangers poor dead wolf in the Sanitoriom. Hannah goes for a direct kill, rather then the miner monsters. I'm not sure if it is beacuse her body is newer and stronger, of if it is beacuse she has an old monsters soul in her. Maybe it's a mix of both.

Fanfic time

Mike above

Emily below

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crystalelemental · 1 year ago

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Violet Adventures, part 4. I think. Might be part 5.

Team Star Defeated.

Titan Team Arven round 2. He beat me, barely, the first time through. The second time through, I thought I was super clever, putting Air Balloon on Pawmot. Greedent also knows Psychic Fangs. So that’s just great. We did ultimately win, but by the skin of our teeth. Espathra thought it could sit on Toedscruel, but it knows Power Whip and of course hit the attack instantly.

League Team Alright, show time. The team is Quaquaval, Dudunsparce, Garganacl, Brambleghast, Rabsca, and Mabosstiff. We are level 49. Time to see how easy this league actually is.

Vs. Rika The gameplan is Agility/Coil/Baton Pass Dudunsparce into Quaquaval. This lasted approximately one turn, before catastrophe. Turns out, her Whiscash knows Future Sight. Which meant Quaquaval was very exceptionally definitely dead. Donphan having Sturdy just ensured we didn’t take out two with this gambit. Dudunsparce is at critical HP, and Quaquaval is down. Not a great start!

Mabosstiff finishes up Donphan, and just barely misses the 2HKO on Camerupt. Which means we fall asleep to Yawn. Not great. Fire Blast connects twice but misses once, but that’s all it needed to win. So, Brambleghast had to finish Camerupt. And then Dugtrio comes in. I won’t front. This is ideal. Ghosts can switch out of trap abilities. So I get up my Leech Seed (after three misses) and a layer of Spikes. When she puts Sandstorm back up, Brambleghast takes a swing with Giga Drain, and miraculously lands it. Dugtrio drops to the Leech Seed chip. Clodsire has Protect, which is slightly irritating, but nothing we can’t manage thanks to this game dropping Ether like candy. Brambleghast sits on Clodsire for days. Even a crit is only like 50%. We whittle it down a bit, until Phantom Force is in range (under half HP on Clod). Fun fact, she threw out Toxic right as I vanished. Don’t know why she didn’t lead with that one, Brambleghast would’ve been destroyed by that. Oh well, one down.

Vs. Poppy Second verse, same as the first; Dudunsparce, get boosting. Thankfully, Poppy leads with Stealth Rock, which is an open invitation to some free boosts. We make it to +6, thanks to Heavy Slam kinda just bouncing off of us. So now you may think, oh, go Quaquaval. No. No, that’s what she wants me to do. See, she has Magnezone. And I have now learned that this is the path to death. Because that fucking thing will fry Quaquaal, and we’ll be without boosts. No, we need another plan. And I know just who to bring in.

Right as she runs out of Heavy Slam PP, pass to Garganacl. Body Press + Recover. With the Agility boosts, it outspeeds basically everyone. Unfortunately Magnezone also had Flash Cannon, and despite Garganacl’s fantastic special defense, it got dead. So there goes that plan I suppose. Brambleghast it is. Magnezone trucks that too. We don’t die, so Salt Cure finishes the job. But Brambleghast is on its way out now. Corviknight is physical, so I get the thought in my head that I can take it with Dudunsparce and try another pass. Body Press. 2PP on Roost left. It crit anyway. I’m not happy with this, but Rabsca with the Revival Blessing is oh right Brave Bird. WELP. At this point it’s basically good game. I have no reason to believe my team can handle the remaining threats. Mabosstiff manages Thunder Fang KO on Corviknight, but not before it gets Body Press in and leaves us near dead. Now, if Mabosstiff were faster than Tinkaton, I’d say there was a chance. Unfortunately, despite the Jolly nature, it’s not. So it’s all on Water Tera Quaquaval’s Aqua Step to finish this thing. It barely misses the KO. Because of course it does. Gigaton Hammer, even with the resist, takes it out. Honestly, that’s super annoying, because like one more point of attack on Quaquaval would’ve done the job.

Vs. Rika (Round 2) Unlike the first round, I remembered to give Dudunspace Roost so it could set up all day long. At +5 and Tera’d out, Quaquaval one-shots Whiscash, so Future Sight isn’t such a threat. With +5 defense as well, we’re able to blank Donphan’s damage too, so the Sturdy effect doesn’t matter. With Aqua Step boosting, we outpace Dugtrio too, removing the Sandstorm evasion cheese. And while Clodsire has Water Absorb, I taught my Quaquaval Ice Spinner. A much cleaner sweep this time through.

Vs. Poppy (Round 2) Okay kid, rematch time. I have learned zero lessons and will be repeating all the same mistakes. But this time, with intent. The unfortunate reality is that Magnezone is a wall. I cannot get past its shit. Garganacl and Quaquaval both cannot manage it, and Rabsca is basically useless come Corviknight. So instead, the plan is to go straight to Rabsca after they drop, revive, and get ready to sweep from there. Amazingly, Poppy throws. Magnezone uses Light Screen instead of icing Garganacl. Salt Cure easily bypasses Corviknight, and at +6 speed too, Tinkaton is as dust. Clean wins all day, friends.

Vs. Larry I finally, for the first time, remembered his lead is Sunny Day Tropius. Quaquaval with Ice Spinner one-shot. Next in is Staraptor, who I throw Garganacl into. Unfortunately, I wildly underestimate how hard Close Combat will rock my shit, and Garganacl is barely alive, but Salt Cure does finish it. It is at this point I get ambitious. Dudunsparce, how well do you take Dragon Pulse? Around 60 damage. That’s enough for a Baton Pass sweep attempt. Bless Altaria’s complete lack of offensive presence. I don’t know Flamigo’s speed tier, but to be safe, I opt for a second Agility, then pass to Quaquaval. I Tera to pure Water, just to avoid any Flying-based shenanigans. Which it turns out I need, as Altaria, SOMEHOW, managed to outspeed. In fact, Oricorio does too. I double Agility boosted. I am...so perplexed as to why I am having trouble. But here we are, I suppose. Rabsca, Revival Blessing my rock. It miracle dodges Air Slash, and Rabsca actually managed to net a KO this run. Unfortunately, that’s all it can do before Flamigo jumps in. I decide to try with Mabosstiff, but apparently Scrappy means immune to Intimidate now? News to me. Admittedly, I’m kinda mad, because we do lose this one. I just don’t understand how. What happened there, Quaquaval? So I decide to reload. That one feels weird, and I’m wondering if I just forgot to Baton Pass or if I missed Altaria having Haze or something.

Things proceed similarly, except Garganacl gets crit so Mabosstiff has to save us. It also gets a freeze on Altaria, which I decided to just kill off of. Turns out, Oricorio is way scarier to set up on with Dudunsparce. It knows fucking Teeter Dance. Thankfully, Quaquaval actually is faster and stronger this time so I guess I just didn’t actually Baton Pass? Quaquaval proceeds to hit itself in confusion fucking twice, after eating our Tera use so it didn’t die immediately, effectively throwing the match to Flamigo.

OKAY FUCKING ROUND CHRISTDAMN THREE I GUESS. Only set up on Altaria. ONLY ALTARIA. Just gotta Ice Spinner Tropius and IT’S A FUCKING RANGE?! QUAQUAVAL HOW ARE YOU THIS SHIT BRO? YOU HAVE DROPPED EVERY FUCKING BALL.

Round 4, things proceed normally. I pay very extreme close attention to the Baton Pass chain this time. I am convinced I must have manually switched or something, because it clears just fine. This was so much harder than it needed to be. On like every level.

Vs. Hassel Alright, after that whole disaster, we enter the Hassel fight. I am well aware that Noivern is up first, and lead Garganacl. Astonishingly, Garganacl handles it just fine. Dragon Pulse doesn’t do too muhc, and only Super Fang is much threat, so we can recover up without much issue. Dragalge’s next. I get overconfident, expecting to be able to outspeed is possibly, and it Hydro Pumps me into powder in response. I opt for Quaquaval at this point. Did you know it knows Thunderbolt? So that was fun. Less than half damage thanks to Assault Vest, but still not a great time. Flapple is, unfortunately, quick enough to be a problem. I attempt to do some boost passing with Dudunsparce. It knows Leech Seed. So this is bad. Dragon Rush also crit, so we’re well on the back foot with very, very little headway. The next one misses though, so I guess we’ll call it even since I didn’t die. It crits again. At this point I call it. If it crits Dudunspace one more time, even with a Roost, we die. I do the only thing left, and bring in Mabosstiff. Fun fact: did you know that Leech Seed is transferred by Baton Pass? This game is actually stupid. Mabosstiff with +3 does not one-shot Bxcalibur. But the defense boosts combined with its attack drop off Play Rough allows it to survive just fine. And so, success. First try. Levels are 53-55.

Vs. Geeta Alright, time to see if Geeta can beat the allegations.

So, Espathra one-shot my Brambleghast with an immediate crit. It is, of course, faster than Mabosstiff despite the Jolly nature, so Mabosstiff is down too. It is only when I go to Garganacl that I realize...I should’ve just led Garganacl. It took Lumina Crash like no one’s business. Avalugg comes in and tries to beat me at my own Body Press game. But I have Recover and Rocky Helmet, so she’s welcome to try. Garganacl completely walls it, and we get to +6 defense with only 30 damage. Veluza came in and bless it did it try. But +6 defense just walled it too soundly. We ended that fight with only 3 damage. We healed, girl. Kingambit is sadly quad weak to Fighting. So that goes about as well as you’d expect. So finally, it’s Gogoat’s turn. It gets off one Bulk Up before needing to Horn Leech. Horn Leech recovers like nothing, because it deals nothing, and Rocky Helmet hurts it. Glimmora enters with special attack to capitalize on that Lumera Crash, and does get the KO. Which is dangerous because frankly, we’ve been brutalized so bad from that opening crit and bullshit that there’s not exactly much left of the team. Rabsca makes an attempt to get Brambleghast back in, but at half HP it’s not enough. Dudunsparce manages to Agility pass to Quaquaval, who thankfully resists Rock, but couldn’t pass along a Coil boost due to the offensive pressure Glimmora has. Blessed be, she relies on Dazzling Gleam when I Tera, so despite Quaquaval continuing to be a failure and missing the KO, we manage to win anyway. Closer than I’d like, admittedly.

Vs. Nemona Alright Dudunsparce. We’re gonna aim to just obliterate this girl. Just end her entire life. Lycanroc isn’t that scary of a-oh god a crit right away. Okay. Okay, this is fine, we can salvage this. I have two Agility boosts and a Coil on Quaquaval, all we need is to get a full KO on Pawmot with Quaquaval’s Aqua Step, and we’ll be fi-oh who am I kidding, it’s Quaquaval, it always fails me. EXCEPT THIS TIME WHEN IT SOMEHOW DIDN’T. So okay, we might have this. Even her Dudunsparce got 2HKO’d despite the Coil, and Orthworm despite all appearances to the contrary. The train stops at Goodra, though. Ice Spinner couldn’t take it out, and Orthworm’s bullshit crit on Body Press really kinda hosed us.

...anyway, Rabsca, if you would? Quaquaval’s back in action...but somehow, is slower than Goodra. I just. I love how Quaquaval can’t outspeed a damn thing. Including fucking Skeledirge, who I know for a fact is slow as dirt. Thankfully, Mabosstiff and Brambleghast were. So, we had Garganacl hit it with the Salt Cure, then Crunch and Phantom Force. First try. Weaker than Larry. Levels 54-56.

For anyone who wants to keep the tally: all gyms beaten first try; Rika, Hassel, Geeta, and Nemona beaten first ry, Poppy got one win, Larry got three. E4 Larry is the strongest. Even though I would’ve beaten him first try if I apparently hadn’t gotten myself distracted by something and manually switched in Quaquaval instead of using Baton Pass. I still don’t know what happened there. I wound up looking up his team, and there is no Haze, so I legitimately just fucked up that hard.

Next time, it’s Area Zero and continuing the attempt at a complete dex. I do not want to do the complete dex thing, given Slowking and Palafin, but I’ll do my best.

#pokemon violet

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hunterofthehunters · 1 year ago

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15) Adios

Lots of thoughts from this one. Content warning, I’m gonna talk about a pet that passed away, along with other thoughts.

A few years back, when I was still in college, I had a dog. First dog that was ever really my responsibility. My friend, my family, my buddy.

Beautiful black lab named Hana. Smart dog, listened really well, had a bark as loud as a dog three times her size. And she was already pretty big. She had a habit of following me around everywhere, always wanted to be with me. Whenever I’d do my pacing when thinking about something while writing, or anything really, she’d always be right up my butt. Bumped into me a few times, almost made me trip. I got mad at her sometimes for that. But she’d always give me that sweet look, and it’d be right back to how things were. Loved that dog.

She got cancer less than a year after we got her. Young dog. Raised her from being just this little pup. Felt like we’d had her for years. Gone, just like that.

I remember sitting by her in our living room that summer, while she was sick. Lost a retail job that I was balancing in-between work because I just couldn’t handle coming and going every day after sleeping next to her, seeing her suffer, wondering if things would ever get better. They did. We had hope for a bit that she’d fully recover, even.

Then it came back. And she died within the week.

I remember not wanting to do anything that month. I just couldn’t. I was lucky it happened during summer break. I might’ve flunked college completely if I didn’t have the time to grieve.

I remember when they made the decision to put her to sleep. I didn’t want to. But she was hurting. And she couldn’t take any more.

I never went with them when they left. I kept hoping some miracle would happen, but it didn’t. She went there without me that day. My parents were the ones who said goodbye that day.

Whenever I go back to that moment, I wish like fucking hell I’d sucked it up and been there to say goodbye. So she knew that I loved her, down to that last moment.

Her ashes are on my shelf to this day, resting right over my desktop as I type these thoughts out right now. I wonder if she’d be sitting near my chair right now, sighing happily as she drifts off to sleep. I can only hope she doesn’t resent me for what I didn’t do that day.

Why am I bringing this up? Adios brought me back there, for a bit.

Adios is a role-playing game. You’re not playing as ‘yourself in a situation’, though maybe you’ll see yourself sometimes. You’re playing as a man who lived a life full of regrets. A man who wishes he could’ve done right by the ones he loved. This is his story. You just get to bear witness to it.

Maybe you’ll see something in that. A mirror, maybe. Or maybe you won’t. Fact is, this is a game about mourning. Mourning ones we’ve lost. Mourning decisions we’ve made. Mourning the decisions we didn’t make, or should have made.

Knowing your death is coming is a rare privilege in some ways. A curse in others.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, honestly. I just wanted to talk. Maybe there’s some parts of me that never fully grieved, that this helped me sort out. Or maybe I just need to reflect. Either way, it was a good experience. I think some part of me really needed this. Appreciated sharing in these thoughts with someone else.

We had--well, have--another dog. Quite a few other dogs, but this little boy’s special. Little fiery chihuahua named Bruno. He was with us with when we lost Hana. Had him before her for about a year, and he was with her when she was growing up. Was supposed to be mom’s little buddy, but when Hana got sick, he was with me in the living room every night. We slept next to her, were with her every step of the way. Guess somehow we bonded, because ever since then he’s taken a similar role that she had. A buddy who follows me around, keeps me company. Makes sure neither of us are alone.

I think, when the years pass and it’s time for him to go, I’ll make up for what I didn’t do last time.

Adios means goodbye. Make sure you say it when you need to.

‘Til then, I’m gonna enjoy our years together.

Love you, little dude.

#loog's 2023 media thread #adios #tw animal death

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highly-important · 2 years ago

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Zelda Interpretations pt 1: BOTW

Like a lot of people, I’ve been obsessed with TOTK, and I wanted to make a post with my own personal interpretation of the story and messages in the game. It ended up getting pretty big, and I ended up writing enough that I’m splitting the post. This part is about BOTW, so spoilers for that game, but no TOTK spoilers.

After the calamity, Link, Zelda, and Hyrule are put in a state of stagnation and isolation.

I think there are parallels to the original Sleeping Beauty, where Princess Aurora sleeps for 100 years. A criticism of this story is that Aurora is too passive, and that sleeping is her way of fleeing from conflict and responsibility in her life. In “The Uses of Enchantment,” Bruno Bettelheim argues that there is a “long, quiet concentration on oneself that is also needed” in order to make the right decisions in one’s coming life. We cannot always be pushing ourselves to take action, we also need periods of rest and recovery.

After Link leaves the Great Plateau he has the option of immediately going to Hyrule and fighting Calamity Ganon. But, you are encouraged to avoid or put off the conflict and focus on recovering Link’s strength via exploring Hyrule.

I don’t know if this is true, but I’ve heard the ideal path to play BOTW is to start at Death Mountain, go to Rito Village, then Gerudo Desert, and end with Zora’s Domain - this creates a spiral around Hyrule. Spirals symbolize change, growth, and transformation. You can spiral outward into the world, or spiral inward to the self. It is like the path in a unicursal labyrinth, where to get to the center you must often go the opposite direction.

BOTW immediately gives us a clear-shot to the ending, but we are rewarded for taking our time and taking a less direct route.

Link’s journey is pretty plot sparse, but I think the most significant part is the corrupted Divine Beasts quests.

Link has forgotten his memory, maybe as a way of protecting himself from the reality of the situation. But I think he still feels trauma around the Champions’ deaths, exemplified in the ways which the divine beasts now torment the Kingdom. This outward torment represent Link’s inner torment. The Divine Beast quests are symbolic of Link processing his feelings and overcoming the trauma of what happened.

In this way, I think Link’s meandering around Hyrule is also representative of his long, quiet journey to personal growth. Fixing the Divine Beasts and finding new champions is Link’s way of recovering from past traumas and becoming more prepared.

Link’s is an outward journey, but Zelda’s is an inward journey.

The King pushes Zelda to “dedicate every moment” to her rigorous training. “Stop running away from your duty.” He calls her research a “childish game,” emphasizing this idea that she is stagnating or immature.

She initially resents Link because his presence is a reminder that her father does not see her as an adult. She also admires Link because his dedication and training have paid off for him. She questions if she is worthy of her position. For all her effort, Zelda cannot use her divine abilities.

There is this moment where Zelda has fallen asleep on Urbosa, who talks to Link about the princess. We learn that Zelda trains herself to the point of exhaustion. She deals with feelings of unworthiness, which drive her to research the guardians. I think its fitting that our first moment of quiet introspection with Zelda is while she is asleep. I think there is a message about how in sleep our subconscious can solve problems our conscious cannot.

No amount of training or intellectualizing is going to unlock Zelda’s powers. She needs to slow down and connect with herself and her emotions.

Urbosa wakes up Zelda with a bolt of lightning (like divine inspiration), and the next sequential memory is Zelda first falling for Link.

Later, there is a really pivotal Zelda/Link flashback where they are riding on horses.

Link teaches Zelda to take the time to soothe her horse. Spending time with Link is teaching Zelda that she can’t brute force her way through problems, she has to take the time to slow down and feel things.

Zelda also says she wasn’t sure if she should give her horse the royal gear, or if the horse should earn it yet, but she decides to let the horse wear it anyway. “He wears it like a true natural.” I think this is about her loosening up her own feelings of unworthiness, and feeling like she will eventually grow into her position. It will happen one day, she just needs patience.

These moments that feel like a distraction are what lead Zelda to her own personal growth and breakthrough moment.

When the guardians turn on humanity and the champions die, Zelda cries in front of Link. She is finally vulnerable and connects with her feelings instead of intellectualizing everything. The path backwards is actually the path forwards.

This is a screencap from Mark Brown’s video on BOTW. I’d reccomend watching it.

This idea of direct-paths vs indirect paths is built into the design philosophy of BOTW itself. Nintendo tracked player’s movement, and created a heat map to see where players explored. Some players followed paths from tower-to-tower, and other players randomly explored. They redesigned the map so that players wouldn’t just travel from tower-to-tower, they would be lured into exploration by a larger variety of landmarks and points of interest. The game itself is encouraging you to take your time, and approach exploration with curiosity rather than urgency.

BOTW is saying that we sometimes need rest, isolation, dormancy, even recreation or distraction, in order to grow and heal ourselves. Its great if you are ready for the direct route, but you may miss out on other things too. Taking other paths does not make us weak, and we can solve our problems on our own schedule.

#BOTW #TOTK #Zelda #zelda: breath of the wild #zelda: tears of the kingdom

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lavelled · 4 months ago

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lightstruck liars.

Your response to people suffering was to glitch a website, manipulate recorded audio, and underplay significant matters. This isn’t My Rejected Boyfriend Diary.

I caught you as the 911 jailer; caught you in law guy suit mode, scamming fans and news reporters; living alone in the UK; and rapey soul-baring through stitcher thread.

How was Colombia?

Between staged projects, oh god, did your wife lecture in bogus platitudes her experience with systemic racism? The dollar-signed, stork-wed couple embraced children who at fifteen will learn my story and how they got double rat hugged and will need talking down from a cliff.

You use a surname that, in print, sends a violent message to a man who didn’t want me cut off or shut away for decades. In return, for her team, you generate personal and lifestyle reinvention for status-seeking profit. Umm. No. A televised Californian of mature years, ex-husband with my birthdate, knows my dinosaur-inked story, what a family did to me, and what would unfold with a plagued wedding. I’m in decades-old, unconsenting, rapey pedo limbo, reading obituaries of youngsters, Moms and Dads, go through with hurting themselves.

No one recovers from reading child deaths. But her ornamental coupling is special. I’m sure loved ones, in emotional shambles, will appreciate that it was all to zing a movie star on opposite day. I was in Twitter glass when I observed the trending of a chat between social activist, Gloria Steinem and your disingenuous spouse. Her wedding had a mattress tag and a first dibs toast.

And heirs. Confirming the exclusionary, not to mention seedy, coupling. As you put it, in neon, on your sentimentally romantic and visual account: The Matrix has you. An ode to Hollywood, apparently, and the lack of autonomy given to a tiny girl. Your partnership drives people to fatality. Peter Alexander Beckett from Carmarthenshire, Wales, just hours before going on stage, hung himself. One month prior to your wedding.

We lifted scratchy leashing for Archillect, Murat Pak, you know the rest. On Twitter, Harry is actress, Kat Dennings. In 2022, he posted: “I am unwell. Oh no, I think I love WWE.” Might look innocuous. Harry Wales is declaring himself a ringmaster. Because a youth-obsessed married nomadic masterful rapey pedophile textually going after athletes who could shut down his blood flow, oxygen supply, and cause serious physical harm is smart. That’s why it’s deleted.

YouTube video on the Prince’s Trust channel—Prince William, Prince Harry & The Prince of Wales Interview with Ant and Dec. A 2006 interview with the serpent trio on supporting unknown artists with grants and self-esteem, not kidnapping and trouncing on them, which is my royal experience. At 4:37, Prince Greenwell (a repetitive colour scheme) says his favorite show. “FRIENDS is always a safe bet.” Six words. Eliciting a chuckle. Palms touching.

Not her: The lifelong refrain.

Keeping me at bay, as royals, was a perilous idea.

My lovely friends disapproving, to an extreme degree, the actions of princes.

Kushal Punjabi—dancer-choreographer, from the musical, Andaaz, he won the reality game show, Zor Ka Jhatka, India’s Wipeout, the physical obstacle course, edging out 28 contestants. He hung himself at home in Bandra West, Mumbai. December 2019. He has a son, Kian.

Sejal Sharma—known for her role of Simmy Khosla in the show Dil Toh Happy Hai Ji, about a free-spirited girl named Happy Mehra. She was auditioning for lead roles when she hung herself in her flat at Royal Nest in Mira Road East, Mumbai. January 24, 2020. She was 27.

Vaishali Takkar—tv actress, best known for the popular Hindi series, Super Sisters, a show about close siblings and their super powers. The show is available on YouTube and has millions of views. Her Insta page has over 500K followers. She took her life on October 15, 2022.

Former air hostess of Qatar Airways turned Bollywood actor, Noor Malabika—hung herself in her Lokhandwala, Mumbai flat a few months ago. June 10, 2024. Her body was decomposed. Friends identified her by the crown tattoo on her wrist and her name underneath.

#reading #books

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cinephilechronicals · 1 year ago

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it’s here! the first saw x trailer is here! me being me, as soon as i got home i immediately watched the trailer, watched an analysis, then talked to myself for 10 minutes about it. yes that’s sad, you don’t need to tell me. jigsaw is out for revenge, and i’m all for it.

if you’d like to watch the trailer before i start discussing it, you can watch it here:

youtube

before we start reading way too far into things, let’s talk about saw.

saw is my favorite film series, one i definitely started watching way too young. in fact, my favorite entry is saw III which came out the year i was born, 2006. i love most of the films, but man do the last few suck. like, majorly suck. saw 5 was when things started to go downhill, and by saw 7 i was just confused on how we got there. jigsaw was… something. spiral was just gross in the worst ways. where did it go wrong? the lack of john. after his death in saw III, it lost the essence that made it such a brilliant film series in the first place. but all of that is why i’m so excited for this new entry. considering it takes place between saw II and III, which are considered two of the best in the series by fans, there is a lot of potential. and the trailer has not let us down.

on my first watch, i didn’t really take anything in because i was too excited by the return of tobin bell as john kramer. though i had a lot of questions. the storyline heavily references and relies on the first 3 films. the general storyline that was presented by the initial trailer is the film follows john on his travels to the experimental surgery that he presented william easton with in saw 6. he gets the surgery to have his tumor removed, and is promised that once he recovers, his life will begin. all hope is cut short when on a check up it’s revealed that the tumor was never removed, leaving john with months left at best. he targets those involved, and puts them in a series of traps. this sounds like the ultimate redemption for a failed film series, and i could not be more excited.

on my second watch, i took some notes so i could wrap my head around what we saw. though beware, my handwriting is a bit of an eyesore.

if you can’t read that, don’t worry — i’m going to discuss it all anyways.

traps are the most important part of saw, and it seems like saw x won’t disappoint. from what i could see, the traps follow a formula better seen in saw 4 and 5, with a main group in traps together and a few separately done. it seems that the core group is made of the doctors that performed the surgery on john, with about 4 or 5 in the room.

the first one we can see is a wire trap that looks like the victim will have to cut off an arm and a leg or have their head cut off. i can only imagine that most of the traps in this game are for the surgical assistants, given that seems like the only likely explanation. this trap looks nasty, but i can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t an important trap.

then there’s a brazen bull looking trap. in this is the woman behind the experimental surgery, so i can imagine that this is an important trap. it’s in the centre of the room, looking right at john, but she doesn’t seem to be in any kind of danger. i think she seems safe because even though she is the face behind the surgery, we didn’t really see her do anything. this one is a bit weird, but given the lack of danger and important victim, i think she’s in it for the long run.

there’s a young woman chained up, and i’m pretty sure that sure that she’s the experiment’s scapegoat. earlier she tells john about how the surgery saved her life, and as we know, no it damn well didn’t. later on she get’s lifted into the air and choked, but there’s nothing else that we can tell from the trailer.

and then there’s the main trap of the game is the brain surgery trap. this looks absolutety nasty, for the victim and us. i mean, that blood spurt already told me that this one is gonna be gross. this one sets off a timer for 3 minutes, and is the only one that has a timer. and anyone who has seen a saw film knows that the traps are usually done under a time constraint, so that’s kinda weird. i think that this one sets off the traps, and if he can survive, maybe everyone else does? i’m not sure, there’s really nothing we can tell so far.

there’s two less important traps that i remember seeing. if i’ve forgotten any please tell me. one is what i can only describe as knife hands. literally just ducktaped hands with scapels just kinda stabbed in there. this isn’t really shown, but he is seen trying to disable some mechanics attached to him with the scapels, so maybe he survives? we’ll find out soon enough.

then there’s the star of the show — the eye trap. as someone who wears glasses, anything with eyes really grosses me out. and this… oh man. the victim has to break their fingers or risk something happen to their eyes. there’s a lot of theories about this, and it seems that most people agree on suction or some kind of acid. so eyes and broken bones.. i’m gonna hate this one.

there’s also a back-cutter trap, but we see like a single shot of it, so who knows what the deal is with that one. though it’s the second time we see a spine-cutter in saw. it’s unlike the one art wears in saw 4, seeing his was at the back of the neck. this one is much lower, and could probably have a higher chance of survival. i think that these both aren’t mean to kill, but are some kinda motivator.

now for the thing that made me jump out of my chair and dance around my room. john’s right hand man, amanda! she’s back! my favorite jigsaw apprentice <3. it’s about time that we see amanda truly back in action since her death in saw III. though if we’re going through the timeline, this is one of her first appearance as an apprentice. there’s a scene in the trailer that shows a hand pressing a button on the main panel of the game machinery, and given that tobin bell is like 70, there’s no way that that’s his hand. i fully believe that amanda has some sort of hand playing directly into the game. i mean, we see john hugging and crying on someone that i can only hope is amanda.

and right at the beginning, we hear john’s left hand man, hoffman. we just don’t see him at all in the trailer. i think that he’s in the one shot of the bathroom we saw, walking towards someone hanging, but i’m not sure. but what i am sure of is that his voice is heard in the first second of the trailer.

i’d like to put a slight spoiler, even though this entire post is, but this one may disappoint and excite a few people. so SPOILER IN PLACE. it’s been confirmed that dr. lawrence gordon unfortunately will not be returing to the saw series. one of my favorite youtubers patrick burow made a really good video on the latest saw spoilers, so if you’d like to hear more about that you can find his channel here:

but yes, no dr. gordon. though this should come as no surprise considering cary elwes had that lawsuit with the production team. or something like that, it’s old news but it’s still disappointing. on a good note, it’s also confirmed that adam is returning! he isn’t played by leigh whannel of course, but you can also hear more about this in patrick’s video! in some image leaks he looks rough. this is before adam gets killed by amanda in saw III, so we probably see him right in between the jigsaw reveal and his death.

so, my final thoughts. i’m very, very excited. i’ve been waiting for an actually good main saw film since saw 6. i think that the film has a lot of promise, and i’m expecting good things. the gore won’t disappoint, and i do hope that it’ll be somewhat similar to the level in spiral. though it wasn’t good, man that gore was nasty. so yes, i’m quite excited for saw X. hopefully everyone is too! i’d love to hear what everyone has to say.

#saw franchise #saw x #saw x trailer #saw x spoilers #Youtube

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