#I probably shouldn't be complaining about doing something I elected not to ask for help with

[theworldsfairshoudreturn]

GOT A NEW MATRES! YYYYAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

[consolecadet]

big complaining. please do not give me advice on any of this unless 1) we already talk AND 2) you get my consent first

Virtually everything for me right now is in some state of "it is terrible rn but I just need to hold on for a few more weeks/months" and it just. I don't have a lot of grip strength with which to hold on rn.

My tennis elbow hurts more since I started OT, or perhaps I am just more aware of it. Either way it's really bothering me and making me sad

I recently developed eczema or something like that, because of course I did, and the second I stopped steroid cream it came back just as itchy and weepy, despite aggressive moisturizing. I cannot see a dermatologist until November but I have vague hope in the form of a different steroid cream I may try in one week

The three-day low-residue diet my dietician had me try backfired horribly after I stopped it and now I'm even more scared to eat, like, beans and/or onions

I have been having trouble accessing medical supplies that I can technically get by without but really shouldn't. Dealing with it requires making tons of phone calls and/or driving to a bunch of different pharmacies, something I have no time or energy to do rn

I'm in a BMW situation and cannot resume trying to sell it until it is resolved, though it's not a big deal because I am borrowing my sister's car and will buy it from her once I have sold the BMW

Reviewing KC's edits to Latent Defects is tiring and emotionally challenging (though I'm way less upset and dramatic about it than I thought it would be)

I keep spiraling about things like the election, genocide, and the climate

Covid cases have once again risen in my area and I am nervous about that because I've socialized a lot IRL recently and don't know if I was careful enough

I agreed to do an art project with a friend that I think will be really cool, but am worried will hurt my forearm too much and/or cause extra stress which I have little capacity for rn

I am having trouble keeping in touch with friends bc the first thing to go when I get stressed is The Ability to Message People. I also have a newish local friend who messages me a lot more than I am used to and I'm worried I'm making him feel sad and uncared for bc I am so slow to respond and don't message him first very often

KC's summer break is about to end, which means I am about to start having to get up earlier, which realistically means I am going to lose a lot of sleep while I once again struggle to adjust. Also means I'm gonna spend a lot more time driving again

The project I am managing is a MESS, we pushed the launch back, and I feel like it's my fault for 1) not knowing how to manage a project, 2) not asking for nearly enough help, and 3) being kind of mentally absent due to being itchy, in pain, and very cranky for basically the whole project. Though tbf multiple of my coworkers have been sick for chunks of it and also not able to pitch in as much as we expected. Also once we launch, then I have to help manage an online community, which, yikes

I would like a raise to offset the gigantic medical bills I seem to get stuck with every year, but I also fucked up something else at work recently, the one account I managed fired us, and worse yet I absolutely know that the company I work for is barely scraping by and cannot afford to give me a raise regardless of whether my boss wants to. I should probably look for another job but 1) I like these people 2) I have no energy or time rn and 3) much fewer companies are fully remote these days and I cannot physically handle commuting and working in an office

yeah

[canwediscuss]

Weaponized incompetence is not a difficult problem to deal with if you're not a cunt.

First probability: It's probably not weaponized, you're looking for things to be unhappy about. Solution: Is it really a big deal? Do you care more if the laundry is folded or if it is folded YOUR way? If it's the former, let it go. They do it different. It's not bad. It got done and you didn't have to do it. If it's the latter, do it yourself. Have them pick up another chore. Your peculiarities are not the gold standard of living in every single metric, if any, and you shouldn't demand someone do something you aren't willing to do yourself. If you are easy to please, it will be easier to put in effort to please you.

Second possibility: It's still not malicious, you haven't clearly communicated what you want, electing to imply, complain, and demand without actually showing any vulnerability or need. Solution: Learn how to ask. Show that you have wants. Good examples: "I would love to have the kitchen completely clean before the weekend." "I can't take care of 100% of the laundry anymore, I need help." "I'm stressing about the trip, will you help me pack tonight so it's off the list?" Bad examples: "The kitchen is always so dirty." "Why are you so lazy? I end up having to do your laundry every week. I'm not your maid." "You need to pack tonight. Don't leave it for tomorrow."

Third possibility: You're with someone incompetent. Maybe they're so dumb they can't breathe and solve 2+2 at the same time. Maybe they were horribly abused and have no life skills. Solution: Teach them. Or leave them. Follow all steps from previous solutions and add to them simple demonstrations of how to do something- before they do it.

Fourth possibility: It is weaponized. Solution: if you aren't going to leave them for it, get off the fence and improve the relationship. In addition to being clear, vulnerable, and not criticizing, Don't Ever Finish The Task. Seperate all tasks if you have to. If they burn breakfast, make yourself a single portion, express sympathy that they made a mistake. If they always leave soap residue on the cups, designate one cup for you that you wash yourself, let them drink out of the soapy cups. The biggest factor is that this is a childish behavior so you must treat them like a child. "Pay attention to what you want to see continue." Don't invest emotion into the misbehavior. Don't let it affect you. Let natural consequences take their toll. I once read a reddit about a woman whose husband volunteered to host Christmas, told her he'd do it himself, and then she was worried she'd be blames for his lack of preparation so she jumped in and did the whole meal anyway. Whether it was on purpose or not, she should not have handled it that way. If he was genuinely going to take care of it, she should show respect by letting him take care of it and trust by letting him make a mistake that would not affect their relationship or their physical security. Had he been weaponizing his incompetence, she fell into his trap. Being open that he did the meal would have protected her from the embarrassment she feared and he would have learned quickly and harshly that she will not be manipulated to pick up slack she communicated she was unable to handle. To maintain boundaries even better, do not agree to things unless you are prepared to follow through. Saying "I can't." Is good enough if you believe in yourself enough.

If anyone thinks they have an example of weaponized incompetence that is definitely manipulative and cannot be solved by letting them fail