#I presume talking about their cool cars and about going vroom vroom

[aliosne]

The CarBoys™️ are actually vroomvrooming their cars tonight

[gulescamisade]

Mega Texas:  Day 8, Old Frenemies

ARADIA: -she's taking a nap, it seems, and it really sounds like she's mumbling something about feferi and terezi-

TYRENA: -She's sitting... nearby. In a manner that would appear like eavesdropping.-

ARADIA: -she is OUT-

DIRK: -since their destination is more or less within city limits, dirk has pulled the car into some abandoned lot where he's trying to get as much information on the oil refinery as possible from his device. he glances back at tyrena and aradia when he hears her mumbling.- ... DIRK: -casually eavesdrops too-

ARADIA: yes...snow...

DIRK: - 👂 ✋-

ARADIA: alaska

DIRK: ... -murmurs at her- (What about Alaska?)

TYRENA: Y0U CAN WAKE HER Y0URSELF 1F Y0U TH1NK SHE'LL TELL Y0U

ARADIA: (dead)

DIRK: ...

DIRK: -gives tyrena a concerned glance. not that it means TOO much... aradia would likely just say (dead) under her breath while conscious, too. but it's unsettling either way.-

TYRENA: -SHE DOES NOT APPRECIATE HIS BODY LANGUAGE AT ALL-

TYRENA: -she's still just listening with the same expression-

ARADIA: i know

DIRK: ... -well, eventually she'll wake up and he can prod her about it then. for now, there are other things to discuss.-

DIRK: I've managed to download a map of the refinery. It's pretty basic google maps shit, but it's better then nothing. I sent it to everyone's devices. Also highlight potential points of entry.

TYRENA: AND 0UR G0AL 1S T0 SAB0TAGE WHATEVER WE CAN MANAGE

TYRENA: 1 PRESUME

ARADIA: -sits up, awake now, yawning-

DIRK: That's the idea.

---

[ANYWAY, some time has passed and it's dark out now, one single street lamp lighting the abandoned lot they're parked in. Dirk has exited the vehicle, calling everyone together so he can properly run them through the very loose plans he's created.]

DIRK: You might have noticed I've forwarded a map of the refinery to all your devices. In case you've been snoozin' since yesterday, in the spirit of the events past and future, both in Flavortown and D.C., we're going to fuck up one of the Empress' sources of income.

DIRK: I've circled a few entry points. -shows off the map via projection from his own device- There's a fence all around the perimeter. I don't know if it's just your standard fence, if it's barbed wire, or electric... But we've got the resources to pass it in whichever case, I'm sure.

DIRK: Our best bets are to either come around the back where most of the tanks are... Or around the front.

DIRK: Perks to the back -- less likely for there to be activity there and we can sabotage their storage right off the bat.

DIRK: There appear to be offices around the front. Might be more useful to fuck up documentation and what have yous.

DIRK: Ideally, we'll be able to fuck up the entire complex. But we gotta start somewhere.

EQUIUS: -He is tired, and he is hangry. Mostly, he's ready.-

DIRK: -eat some doritos friend-

EQUIUS: D --> I would vote for the back. They will not care to protect their logistics when the livelihood has been destroyed

TYRENA: 1 1MAG1NE F1RES W1LL BE HARD TO SUPPRESS 1N TH1S DRY HEAT TYRENA: SURR0UNDED BY V0LAT1LE L1QU1DS

NEPETA: =She has this grass for you Equius..... why won't you EAT IT.=

NEPETA: :33 < since pawffices have more boring paper work we could rig a fire in the front while going through the back! they'll be too busy putting out all the flames and it'd be purriority to not let things blow up here since theyd blow up a lot!

TYRENA: Y0U ARE ADV1S1NG WE SPL1T UP TYRENA: WE NEED A RENDEV0US P01NT

NEPETA: :33 < eifur that pawre we have something ready to set off a sneaky fire then sneak pawround the back

NEPETA: :33 < ...do we have something we can make with that? :00

ARADIA: -looking off a little while everyone is talking-

TYRENA: YES

TYRENA: 0NE 0F MY SPEC1F1CAT10NS

TYRENA: PRESUM1NG THAT D0ES N0T DEFEAT THE PURP0SE

EQUIUS: -Flexes irritably-

DIRK: I always have the means for fashioning small time bombs.

TYRENA: ARE Y0U V0LUNTEER1NG T0 SET 1T, AS WELL?

EQUIUS: -Set it and forget it-

DIRK: -nods- I can definitely do that.

TYRENA: -NODS AT THAT, THEN-

TYRENA: SEEMS S0METH1NG APPR0ACH1NG A PLAN

TYRENA: G01NG T0 HAVE T0 W0RK QU1CK

TYRENA: 1 GUARAUNTEE THEY'RE EXPECT1NG US

TYRENA: THEY D1D BR1NG US HERE, AFTER ALL

NEPETA: =Looks to Aradia also, she's been acting a little weird=

NEPETA: :33 < well have to be supurr secret shadow fightpurrs >:33

ARADIA: -looks back at nepeta and seems to snap out of it- as discreet as possible

EQUIUS: D --> Simple enough

DIRK: -closes the projection and puts his comm away- Cool.

DIRK: We're about a mile from the refinery here. -gestures to it just down the way. all lit up, pumping chemicals out into the atmosphere... beautiful.-

DIRK: Figure we can hoof it or... Equius can work his literal magic on the cars, if that's feasible.

DIRK: Either way, discreet is definitely the name of the game.

DIRK: That's mostly a reminder to myself. Y'all know how flashy I can be. -waves a hand.-

EQUIUS: D --> What are you e%pecting of me, to devise cloaking for the vehicles

ARADIA: can you do that

DIRK: If you can... That'd give us an advantage.

DISCIPLE: -SOMETHING LOUDLY CLICKS. she is holding her large crossbow. It apparently got larger in the day since they made plans to attack this place.-

DISCIPLE: :33

EQUIUS: -Sighs-

EQUIUS: D --> I will see what I can manage -Empties a shit ton of random tech from his sylladex and gets to work-

DIRK: I didn't mean build something. I mean like... DIRK: -spirit fingers-

ARADIA: -does spirit fingers also-

EQUIUS: D --> .....

DIRK: -thank you aradia-

EQUIUS: D --> That's much easier, yes

DIRK: -spirit fingers turn into two thumbs up-

DISCIPLE: Rrrr. She is getting anxious. Is any more we must do?

EQUIUS: -Forgive him. He's tired...and hunger-

NEPETA: =nuzzles on Disciple and purrs=

NEPETA: :33 < that should be it! h33h33h33 mewve b33n purpawring a lot!

DISCIPLE: Yes. MUCH preparation. -She rumble.- DISCIPLE: Is restless. We burn the blood of the earth and she shall have none of it again.

DIRK: -claps hands together- Let's go Wildcats.

DISCIPLE: -YOWLS-

EQUIUS: -Alternatively he could just chuck the cars in-

NEPETA: =Wee=

DIRK: -there are a FEW flaws with that plan......-

DIRK: -GETS IN HIS CAR. void him up stud-

NEPETA: =climbs on the car, void her up steed=

DISCIPLE: -She's going to sit on the roof with her crossbow- >;cc -WARFACE. she pulls on her hood. HER WARFACE IS NOW ALSO A LIONFACE-

NEPETA: 800 ✨ ✨

EQUIUS: -Gets in the other car, here they go. A nice sheen of sweat precipitates on his body as his very existence becomes hazy to...well...everyone. This is much easier than the whole ship. As long as Dirks vehicle stays close to his they are completely undetectable-

ARADIA: -good job. You're doing good-

NEPETA: =VROOM. She's holding onto the hood with her claws feeling the wind, the excitement of the BRAWL-TO-BE=

DIRK: -leads them down the road... but eventually he takes them OFF road, a short distance from the fence near the back entry point. hidden behind some... bushes... they aren't great cover, considering they're all dry and brambly, but so long as they're mostly cloaked by the dark of night, it should be fine until they need to get away. which is why he's parking them OUTSIDE.-

ARADIA: -watching everything as it passes from inside one of the cloaked vehicles-

NEPETA: =Equius do you wanna try nibbling on this bush?=

EQUIUS: -No.-

DIRK: -liar-

EQUIUS: -He could just void teleport and leave y'all here...-

NEPETA: =You didn't want dirt, or grass, or bush, WhaT WILL YOU EAT?=

NEPETA: =She could BITE HIS BUTT=

EQUIUS: -Bring me the blood of the condesce-

NEPETA: =Also while arguing she's scoping the facility=

[It's your pretty basic oil refinery. But it's QUITE LARGE. At some point all the storage tanks were painted pink. Incredible. They can also see the fence is barbed wire.]

DIRK: -gets out of the car and looks towards the others.- Alright. I'm gonna go set up the distraction, you guys work on getting in around the back. I'll meet up with you there. -and he's gone in a flash (step.) he's gotta make this quick.-

TYRENA: -She cracks her neck-

TYRENA: 1S THAT CHA1N L1NK?

NEPETA: =Nods and scampers to the back entrance. Barbed wire, PSH. How high is it?=

ARADIA: -exits the car also and just barely flinches-

[I am chainlink, the fence would helpfully inform Tyrena, if only it could speak. It would also tell them that it's roughly 12 ft high, but those who still have their eyeballs should be able to deduce that.]

NEPETA: :33 < it is and pawbout two and a half mes high!

TYRENA: -She's gonna walk up to it and put her hand on it and TEST IF IT SHOCKS HER-

[IT'S SHOCKING... How anticlimactic this action is. Because she doesn't get shocked.]

EQUIUS: -Hups Nepeta and Disciple over the fence-

NEPETA: =WEE, she does a flip. FOR STYLE=

TYRENA: -She's going to rip a hole with her ROBOT STRENGTH.-

TYRENA: -and pass through. Hrm. Nothing out of the ordinary yet...-

EQUIUS: -I MEAN. OKAY-

DIRK: -with a skip and a flash jump dirk manages to clear the fence near the front. when he finds the closest building, slaps a little bit of plastic explosives right along the side, then zips over towards another small building to use it as cover... then... BOOM. enough to blow a humble hole in the wall and catch some of the interior and shubbery on fire. TACTICAL ESPIONAGE ACTION!! scurry crouches through the shadows towards the others.-

[The others are in the middle of all these pink storage tanks. Round and ready to be drained of their precious life blood.]

NEPETA: =Oh she'll stab ya=

ARADIA: -flies over the fence-

[Now that they've caused a DISTRACTION, they better do as much damage as they can while they can. They can hear shouting from the other side of the facility as workers rush to deal with the fire and investigate it's cause. Other than that, however, there doesn't seem to be too much activity around...]

DIRK: -except DIRK notices something while making the trek over there... the armored cars they saw yesterday are parked over here. zoinks.-

EQUIUS: -PUNCHES A TANK. Goobye-

NEPETA: =She's gonna go around and start jabbing holes in these tanks from the backs, it's not going to be that great for the ground but.... yknow=

ARADIA: -CALM YOUR ASS DOWN-

EQUIUS: -Uproots another tank and tosses it in the direction of the fire, soaking everything in its path in gasoline. What was that Aradia?-

DIRK: -ROLLS to avoid getting squished by a tank. goddamn, hulk. he's not complaining. that'd be an A+ way to go.-

NEPETA: =Look at him go, she sighs.... while slashing things=

[There is something approaching at breakneck speeds-- some kind of BLUE STREAK. A whirling metal orb weathed in energy weaves around the trail of gas from the hurled tank, crackling with some kind of energy as it spins through the air-- suddenly launching directly at Equius, the most obvious source of the damage.]

NEPETA: =What the balling heck=

EQUIUS: -What the tinglefloops?-

ARADIA: get down

EQUIUS: -This is fast, faster than he can dodge. He braces his arms to block.-

[ IT STRIKES INTO HIM like a pinball, or a spinball, or a SONIC SPINBALL FOR THE SEGA GENESI]

[ It slams into the beefy arms with considerable force, dust and wind kicked up as it ricochets up into the air, swiftly uncuring to reveal some manner of... troll? Covered in plates not unlike an armadillo, a pair of glowing eyes fix on the group, scanning them over slowly as it comes to land on top of one of the tanks with surprising grace for someomeone with such sharply limited range of motion.]

[ He leaps into the air, curling at the apex of his leap and beginning to spin, that blue energy wrapping around his body again as his RPMs rise dramatically before even touching the ground. There is a screech and he flies forward, again, head-on directly at Equius, as though testing him.]

NEPETA: =Oh... not a ball. A troll. An old friend. Trolld friend if you will. Seeing them again is reassuring but also. Not at all. Hurt flashes over her face then anger and fear=

NEPETA: :33 < wait!! =Wait what... don't hurt them?? And to who it's to she doesn't really know. She probably should've done more preparing for this instead of pushing it into the back of her vault=

EQUIUS: -okay that is ENOUGH, sir. Equius lets out a low hiss, but this time the rollie trollie is met with a STRONG punch-

[ROLY POLY TROLLY strikes head on with fist, taking no obvious damage from the STRONG punch but flying through the air in almost directly the opposite direction, with almost no inertia.]

EQUIUS: -But is there a sproing sound-

[PROBABLY]

EQUIUS: -Sick-

NEPETA: =She hopes there's a sproing but her hair is also on end and she's just anxiously watching them pshooo into the distance=

NEPETA: :33 < (mmrrnnrngnngnrngrnng) equihiss!-- ughhhhhhh =anxious pacing cat, she's not GOOD AT THIS SHIT=

EQUIUS: D --> What

[ Probably would have kept going, but a large set of whiplike lashes latch onto the troll in air-- still spinning, but held laterally by another figure. Long, mechanical tendrils holding the ball about twenty feet over her head, sticking out of a set of mechanical hands that look to have been useless for any function other than handling these things.]

[ This one stares at them as the air grows colder, somehow, a layer of ice thickly forming over the glowing, spinning sphere.]

DIRK: -ARRIVES. sword: out. he is forcibly ejected from the oil refinery... except not really. not yet.-

DIRK: Now this seems a little excessive. -stupid freak show military task force-

NEPETA: =Remember that one time she opened up then shoveled it away forever? Mmmm regrets on that one=

NEPETA: :33 < FUCK =Scrambles about=

NEPETA: :33 < just, MOVE run! =sHOVES him=

[ U THINK IT'S EXCESSIVE? It is excessive. That glowing ball of troll is being covered in ice-- FEET OF ICE, even, as it's got about a ten foot radius as she slams it on the ground. It has lost no momentum and is already skidding across the ground at them.]

DISCIPLE: -YOWLS as she scurries up one of the tanks.-

EQUIUS: -IS SHOVED-

EQUIUS: D --> Nepeta what is your major malfunction

NEPETA: :33 < =What's YOUR major malfunction= its my =huffs at all this crashing and just pounces, gonna haul Eq if she has to, ears lowered though she's angry= its my old pawry unit

EQUIUS: D --> What? What are they doing here? Why -He's moving he's moving SHEESH NEP-

[They just barely manage to avoid getting trampled by a big sphere of ice, but as it passes them by, it abruptly explodes-- shards flying EVERYWHERE. These two do not appear to be happy to see them. They do not appear to be betraying much of anything with their blank expressions.]

[The armadilo lands to the ground, finally stopped momentarily as the two of them begin approaching from either side of the group.]

NEPETA: :33 < g33! i should ask their puppeted robodies >:'''CC =She's got the claws out and slashing the shards that come their way but also she doesn't want to have to kill them=

EQUIUS: D --> Puppets...We have to find a way to incapacitate them

DIRK: -well, he's a bit out of the loop having arrived late from the other side of the sudden battle field, so he's leaping into action from behind to slice at ms. freeze.-

NEPETA: =Bless her horse=

[Speaking of horses and blessing them a figure looms behind the Equinep pair. A dangerous tail raised then striking down on them]

EQUIUS: -Equius is distracted and thus struck by the fiendish appendage. He goes skidding a ways away-

AZLOYA: -Ms. Whips, or Azloya as Nepeta would know her, lets out an inhuman noise as maroon blood spills from her back. Her skin is a little too rough-- that slice might have bisected an unaugamented troll like her. She flips forward, mechanical tendrils latching onto the ground as she flips upside down, the many arms scuttling like some kind of octopus as a blue sphere goes flying towards Dirk from the far side of the yard.-

NEPETA: =DOOF, THERE THEY GO. Nepeta goes skidding too= [The figure doesn't let up however. It pounces right for Equius. It's a Nep....borg. Complete with scorpion tail and perma wolverine claws]

EQUIUS: -Pushing himself up, he takes in this figure, but more importantly his rail was hurt. Old unit or not, Equius lets out a loud hiss before charging and unleashing a flurry of blows-

DIRK: -her scuttling is a little distracting -- but even MORE distracting is ANOTHER NEPETA?? he doesn't notice the sphere until it's almost making impact. shIT, he turns his sword up in hopes he might shield himself/slice the ice.-

NEPETA: =She's not so sure how to feel about seeing herself, what she would've been... Looking at Dirk he might need help so she glances back just trying to fight and concentrate. Taking out some darts from her old work, good for paralysis. SHOOTS them at Azloya=

BORGPETA: =Is very agile and bendy, it even has Nepeta's same fighting style, liquid catting around the blows then jumping back to strike Equius with her tail again=

[NO ICE THIS TIME. Just a big ball of blue energy. It might still do some pretty serious damage--]

TYRENA: -but it's a good thing that dirk isn't actually fighting these borgs alone. A kick from the side-- sharp and rather delicately timed-- sends the troll skidding to the left of running into his blade by inches.- AZLOYA: -The figure turns as something hits her-- still scuttling on her fingertips, it would seem, as the needle sinks into her skin. She's bleeding and a bit battered, but it's not slowing her hands or those limbs down, yet. Raising each finger and slamming it down, trying to cut right through Nepeta.-

TYRENA: 1 HEARD WHAT SHE SA1D

TYRENA: WHAT THEY ARE

TYRENA: WE MAY N0T HAVE THE K1ND OF T1ME T0 BE G00D PE0PLE R1GHT N0W -she eyes dirk and eyes the blue ball-- Liekit-- as it smashes into the building behind them.-

NEPETA: =Oh that's bad news. She tries to jump and dodge the tendrils. Please do not. You still owe her 5 bucks and this isn't how you get out a debt=

NEPETA: :33 < im not leaving them like this! =hisses at Tyrena. She will fight you too=

AZLOYA: -Her body is slightly limp, but the fingers are still going. Slice. Slice. Slice. Each time she does, a bit more frost builds on the ground, growing strange and slippery and so very not texas.-

EQUIUS: -Oh gdi. It's like sparring with Nep except for the unbridled rage he feels. He attempts to grab the tail, planning to slam the robo into a tanker-

NEPETA: =Azzy stop she's trying to prove a point about saving you guys. Parts of her jacket are getting the slice as she rolls and starts to dash for the octo-pa=

BORGPETA: =Equius gets his hand on the tail but at the expense of being stuck lower in the arm by the hollow tip. Poison, it's poisonous=

AZLOYA: -She's got the high ground, and MANY lims with which to do the slicing. But as Nepeta starts to run, she does another flip-- launching herself down at her, legs first, attempting to plant her boots on her chest.-

DIRK: -he just about bit it there... thank you, tyrena. he glances between everyone, frowning- Seems like they don't give a shit about the property damage either. -stays on the defensive for whenever sanic comes back around.-

[As if things weren't chaotic enough, someone in the distance is taking aim, right at the big horse after he's been stabbed by a poisonous tail... And shooting a net in the hopes of capturing him within it's crackling electric webbing.]

DISCIPLE: -!! -Yowls suddenly! THE HORSE-

NEPETA: =UGHHHH, she looks at Equius getting shanked in the arm and DOOF takes heavy boots right in the chest, but grabs and jabs more of Spiny's venom into this leg=

EQUIUS: -Hisses out in pain but tosses this imposter nep Mario 64'style. So long gay bowser! Then heckerdoodle! He's netted and hissing angrily at the electricity coursing through his body. FREE HIM-

BORGPETA: =Goes sailing into a bomb, only just into the distance=

AZLOYA: -GrGH. This should be easy now... she drunkenly swings the tendrils at her, trying to rake it against her, but her body isn't obeying its orders... staggering and increasingly weak.-

DISCIPLE: -She's jumping down pulling a bone knife and trying to cut the electrified net. It probably hURTS TO TRY THAT THOUGH. This isn't a great plan.-

[oh hey, speaking of, Liekit steps out. Not rolling this time... slow and deliberate footsteps as they approach Dirk this time. Many, many spines extend from their body with a sickly, lurhcing sound, along with the crackle of psionic energy.]

????: -the shooter steps onto the scene, reloading his weapon as he approaches disciple. he's a rather weathered and stern looking seadweller- I wouldn't do th^t if I were you. DIRK: -he bristles -- not at the troll approaching him with such measured steps so much as the voice he hears behind him. a voice he recognizes, and had hoped he'd never hear again. the Militant.-

DIRK: -it's disarming, but he squares up against liekit.- We got this. -assures tyrena before flash stepping over to flank liekit and divide his attention. but avoids the spines, of course.- You're too slow.

DISCIPLE: -growls as she drops the knife, pulling her crossbow again.-

EQUIUS: -Hissing and trying to free himself-

NEPETA: =FRIEND SHANK shANK SHANK SHAnk. She is also getting the first good look of Azloya she's had in... a long time and it makes her want to whimper but ALSO THERE'S SOME SALTY GRANDPA NETTING HER RAIL=

DISCIPLE: She has no words for this. For him.

NEPETA: =SALTY GRANDPA=

LIEKIT: -He bristles-- LITERALLY-- at Dirk. The divide of attention seems to work, though the sharp, electrified spines launch from his back in a spray of needles at him—

TYRENA: --as she swings a kick at his soft underbelly.- AZLOYA: -She looks... worse for wear. In so many ways. There isn't even a glimmer of recognition as she begins to stumble, tendrils still lashing violently at anything and everything that they can reach-- which is so very much.-

AZLOYA: -As the poison takes over she simply slumps over, fallen, the limbs still squirming and thrashing.-

NEPETA: =DEFINITELY GOT THE BUSINESS END OF SOME OF THOSE LASHES, can she capta Azloya's body? If so into the dex it goes and Neps gonna try to shoot darts at the SALTY GRANDPA NEXT......=

BORGPETA: =Bitch you thought, POUNCES=

[Commense cat scuffle]

EQUIUS: -Pure adrenaline is the only thing keeping Equius from outright succumbing to the poison.-

DISCIPLE: -She flinches as the duplicate jumps on Nepeta, eyes trained on the sudden scuffle, as she turns on the stranger again.- If you are responsible for this, there will be no mercy. None. -Despite the fact that the gun is trained on her, she still attempts to fire a bolt at him.-

DIRK: -manages to deflect some of those needles, but he takes a few more hits jerkily. SHOCKING. he shakes it off as best he can.-

MILITANT: -DRAW. he takes a shot at the at the same time, aiming carefully enough so her arrow will at least get thrown off by the net, even if he doesn't manage to capture the cat. he can only do so much at once, however, and finds himself stuck with poison darts. for the moment, it seems like only a minor inconvenience to him. SCOFF.-

[Meanwhile, the net is strong, but maybe not strong enough for MUTANT AMOUNTS OF STRENGTH. ]

DISCIPLE: -SHE FALLS TO THE GROUND, convulsing under the net.-

NEPETA: =GET BIPPED GRANDPA=

NEPETA: =Wait no!=

TYRENA: -She pulls her sword out-- for a second, before throwing it aside-

TYRENA: AUUUUGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

TYRENA: HE W0N'T D1E

TYRENA: G0

TYRENA: HELP W1TH THAT 1NSTEAD

EQUIUS: -He can break these cuffs! And so he does, dragging himself up to his feet a bit woozy but nevertheless charging at the militant, whipping the remains of this net AT HIS FACE-

LIEKIT: -wheezes temporarily, but launches even more spines at Tyrena. She twitches, but all the electricity hardly seems to bother her.-

TYRENA: -she swings both fists down at the METAL PLATED HEAD.-

ARADIA: -lands from...wherever the hell she's been, knowing it's now her time to interfere. Her whip's out though, AND SHE ATTEMPTS to CRACK IT ON LIEKIT-

LIEKIT: -STAGGERS AND FLINCHES at both the strike and the whip-crack, beginning to whirr and kick up sand-- hurling at Tyrena and attempting to RICOCHET towards Aradia.-

TYRENA: -DOOF-

NEPETA: =Pins this.... weird..... version of herself=

BORGPETA: =Goes to stab with the tail, CATCH THIS BUSINESS END=

NEPETA: =Oh no, not the business end! She rolls and catches the entire end of the business right through her arm but also enough to let the bot stab itself. Haha.... ehhhhh this is weird=

DIRK: -BACK INTO THE FRAY I belatedly write after he's given the OK from tyrena to leave. adrenaline pushes him forward, but there's memories haunting his thoughts as he approaches the militant.-

MILITANT: -turns to face the charging blue blood, now drawing a cutlass from his specibus to hack back at the net. he doesn't seem phased much by that either.-

MILITANT: It's funny we should cross p^ths here. -tilts head to look at dirk who he KNOWS is rushing at him.-

DIRK: -oH OK. HE HESITATES.-

ARADIA: -she saw this coming, so she attempts to fly up as soon as likeit ricochets to her in order to dodge-

EQUIUS: -NO HESITATION! CATCH THESE HANDS OLD TIMER. ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!-

LIEKIT: -AS HE WHIRLS INTO THE AIR even more spines spray out, using that momentum to really try and launch them at the two of them.-

ARADIA: -DOOF. She's not invincible, and at least one of the spines pierces her leg. Oops. Still gonna WHIP-

MILITANT: -bobs and weaves, turning the rifle in his hand to swing the blunt end at equius' head. he's spry for an old man but the strength behind the strike is definitely characteristic of a seadweller.-

????: -ANOTHER CHALLENGER APPROACHES. a blue blood in a clean military uniform aims her own crossbow at nepeta. ER... WAIT. WHICH IS WHICH?? clearly she isn't the most competant fighter here...FIRES WILLY NILLY-- but at the wrong nepeta. whoops.-

DUOCATBALL: =Someone gets pierced by an arrow and the whoel ball slumps over=

LIEKIT: -it feels kinda like getting tazed, but at least the lash knocks him groundward.-

TYRENA: -INTO HER. But that seems to have been her plan, as his back-- and all the crackling psionic energy-spikes-- collide into her skin.-

TYRENA: -She may or may not be bleeding, it's hard to tell with all of the sparking and flashing. She is, however, getting him in a chokehold, of sorts, with the only leverage she can manage around the big ball. Go to sleep.-

NEPETA: =She got to look herself in the eyes and watch as the arrow lodged in Borgpeta's throat bled her out with twitchy convulsions= 8))

????: { = Oh, SHOOT! = } -curses in the distance. she did a bad...-

ARADIA: -jolts and loses her balance, wings not being much assistance here until the tase feeling wears off, where she attempts to SUPPORT TYRENA should ball escape-

NEPETA: =Shoot is RIGHT. Something to focus on, someone to focus on she. Growls then roars at the arrow firer, she's bleeding and poisoned and also just fueled on regret, trauma, and confusion. Hello, feast upon her foot=

TYRENA: -he doesn't SEEM to be. He keeps trying to spin, or flail, or launch more needles, but it doesn't exactly work-- the tazing sensation in Aradia's leg gives way, and it's not bleeding TOO badly, but she's effectively got him wrangled.- TYRENA: -But it's... strange. She's just taking all of the energy. Her more obviously cybernetic components glow a faint blue.-

????: { = !!!! = } -YELPS as she gets a boot to the face. it hurts, and she hits the ground, but what she lacks in form she makes up in toughness, so she starts to roll away almost immediately after absorbing all that shock-

EQUIUS: -Gets a gun butt TO THE FACE-Equius reels, spitting out a bit of blood as his glasses fall off his face in shards. He's going back in for more cqc!-

ARADIA: -WHATS A LITTLE BLOOD AM I RIGHT? she's watching tyrena, still on support-

NEPETA: =HISS, she's gonna leap on this troll and BITE IT=

MILITANT: -he's going to get a gut full of blade if he comes much closer—

DIRK: -until he unfreezes himself long enough to grab the militant's arm and wrench it behind his back before he can stab at equius.-

MILITANT: -drops the cutlass, his cool expression cracking. he takes another swing behind him to try to get dirk in the face while also twisting his arm out of the human's hold.-

DIRK: -HE DUCKS, but this whole manuever has them breaking apart and distancing each other. he skids to a stop next to equius.- I know he's all decrepit and shit but he's tougher than he looks.

MILITANT: -picks up his short sword again, circling around the other two men and waiting for their next move.- I wish I could s^y the s^me of you. H^ve you gone soft, Dirk?

EQUIUS: -Yes-

DIRK: -NO! ... yes-

ROXY: =SOMEWHERE FAR AWAY. he's always at halfmast, she got ur back bby=

DIRK: -he's so thankful he has such supportive people in his life now-

????: -OH RIGHT SHE'S HERE TOO. nepeta will have to CATCH HER FIRST as she scuttles on all fours before she hops onto her feet and sprints to hide behind a tank.-

NEPETA: =Scampers up the tank to get the DROP on her=

TYRENA: -She throws the troll down, and lifts her head towards Aradia, directly.- TYRENA: N0T K1LL1NG TH1S 0NE

TYRENA: Y0U MAKE SURE 0F 1T

TYRENA: -She seems to just... wander off, in fact, as she grabs her blades again.-

ARADIA: -she nods. UNDERSTOOD-

????: -WAH!!! splat. she's squished under cat.- { = Wait, don't hurt me! = }

EQUIUS: D --> Understood -Shakes his head. FOCUS Equius.-

[ In the not-too-distant distance, one of the pipelines just straight up explodes, even more smoke rising into the sky.]

EQUIUS: D --> Dirk, attack him from above -Because he's about to do something cool. Instead of attacking him head on, Equius STRONG PUNCHES the ground cracking the concrete and causing a localized tremor around the militant-

NEPETA: :33 < =DOES IT ANYWAY, but she's still poisoned and her arm is shaky and numb so she just rests the claws against the troll's throat= mew had no troupawl shooting at me, why shouldn't i? =bares teeth boohiss=

MILITANT: -uh oh, he wasn't quite expecting THAT... he needs to get his sea legs back, because the tremor definitely has him losing his balance.-

DIRK: -blips above him, ready to bear down on the militant with an aerial slice.-

MILITANT: -reacts to that only just quickly enough, blocking the strike with his own blade, but it doesn't stop dirk from colliding into him. he lands on his back, still on the defensive.-

DIRK: -it's a power struggle alright -- the militant has more strength then him, but he manages to keep pressing his blade down on the other... until it slips.-

MILITANT: -HA-- he cuts at dirk, leaving a nasty gash across his cheek.-

DIRK: -NOT HIS FACE. fucking... slaps the cutlass out of his hand and just starts WAILING on the militant instead. this is incredibly personal.-

????: { = T-That-- .... Is a good point... = } -wheezes, looking around for some kind of way out of this. then she sees dirk beating the shit out of her friend/boss.-

????: { = W...! Wait... You're from the UU? Is that... Dirk Strider? = }

EQUIUS: -The poison is overriding his adrenaline. Has his body always been this numb? Probably. Hoo...wow okay but...He's gotta help dick...Dirk. Yeah.-

NEPETA: :33 < =Bares teeth= purrhaps. whats it to mew?

DISCIPLE: -SHE'S FINALLY OUT OF THIS HERE NET PROBABLY-

ARADIA: -with an eye on likeit, she quickly flies to equius to check up on him-

DIRK: -he'd react to explosions too if he wasn't too busy remembering this guy kidnapping him as a child, putting him through hell, etc etc... HE JUST WONT STOP PUNCHING. there's purple everywhere.-

NEPETA: =FREE DISCIPLE 2K???=

DISCIPLE: -YES-

EQUIUS: -Yes, feel the anger...drink it.-

????: { = I know him! My name is Lucana Leiqin-- I've been looking for him-- Just ask him?? = }

DIRK: -VIOLENCE BREEDS VIOLENCE BUT IN THE END IT HAS TO BE THIS WAAAAY-

ARADIA: dirk

EQUIUS: -Do it. Kill him.-

EQUIUS: D --> Break...His neck. Let us be on our way -His breathing is becoming labored.-

ARADIA: equius

ARADIA: -her voice raises- dirk

ARADIA: think about your options

DISCIPLE: -Works herself under one of Equius arms, catcrawling at him and looking for that poison stab wound...-

DISCIPLE: -and then she tries to suck on it. IT'S PROBABLY TOO LATE.-

DISCIPLE: -BUT U KNOW HOW IT IS-

EQUIUS: D --> Disciple, your efforts...are appreciated, however I'm sure the poison has worked its way into my system thoroughly -Wheeze-

DISCIPLE: >:CC -2 BAD THIS IS DISTRESSING HER TOO MUCH-

DISCIPLE: -ptoos out some blood-

DIRK: -don't distract him aradia, geez. he does start slowing down though when he hears his name.-

MILITANT: -he's beaten to a pulp, but still here... still conscious enough to talk shit.- Yes-- Think ^bout... your options.

MILITANT: You were m^de for this... Killing me will only prove it.

MILITANT: So why don't you? You've ^ldre^dy... done the Empire ^ ^ f^vor... By te^ring ^p^rt this useless refinery...

DIRK: -pauses, just kind of staring at him-

NEPETA: =Looks Dirkward then huffs and HAULS UP "Lucana"=

NEPETA: :33 < fine, if purr in his fafur then shoot the salty troll grandpa

ARADIA: -REMEMBER...WHO YOU ARE...DIRK...-

LUCANA: -HOIST- { = I-- I can't do that... =} -she's watching this scene, DEEPLY TROUBLED, however-

TYRENA: -She walks towards the rest of the group, singed and burned and covered in holes, none of which appear to be bleeding all that much. The fires are probably going to keep going for a while yet, as she approaches the group.-

NEPETA: :33 < he s33ms k33n on killing who you came here fur and given purr options you have no choice :33

EQUIUS: -Leaning on this cat. He's really tired....-

DISCIPLE: -:xx-

DISCIPLE: -she's not quite sure what to DO about that... or how bad the poison is. purrs anxiously.-

MILITANT: -grabs at dirk's throat. he's still got enough strength in him to break his squishy fragile human neck. DO IT, DIRK. KILL HIM BEFORE HE KILLS HIM.-

DIRK: -chokes, hesitating still...-

LUCANA: -SHE CAN'T KILL HIM!! she's loyal to the empire, even if she wants to save dirk... but cipher is kind of a dick... but... killing him might get her in trouble—

DIRK: -but it doesn't matter, as he slams his fist into the militant's face one last time with the last bit of strength he can muster. the grip on his throat loosens.-

NEPETA: =growls at this and HAULS her over before the poison gets to her too, she can feel it in the numbness of her arm=

NEPETA: :33 < she claims to know dirk and have b33n looking fur him.... in the not bad way i pawssume =EYEBALLS LADY=

ARADIA: -unsurprised-

EQUIUS: -Wheezing horse, the new mgs villain-

LUCANA: -sweats... ok, so her intentions aren't entirely pure-

DIRK: -looks over at them a little wild eyed and breathing heavily. there's so much blood hello.- ... Lucana?

LUCANA: { = It's me...! = } -oh dirk... she looks at him sympathetically, then around at the others. time to make a decision.-

LUCANA: { = They were going to blow up this facility... And all the other major refinery pipelines across the country. The Empress has little use for it as it is... She wants to flood the crater it would have left behind if you hadn't interfered. = }

LUCANA: { = And I think that's just a little too much! Even for her! Why kill all these people when-- = } -shakes her head. there's not time for rambling.-

LUCANA: { = ... You should get out of here before they send back up. = }

TYRENA: AND D0 WE REALLY TRUST Y0U?

LUCANA: { = What difference does it make? I'm on my own here! You can leave me be and I'll look the other way... Or you can kill me-- Either way, you've got a running start! = } -frowns and glances in the direction of the abandoned convoys...-

ARADIA: -looks toward the others. their choice. their decision.-

NEPETA: :33 < mew say that like its so easy if we just leave mew here without doing anything then efurrything is still going to blow up >:((

NEPETA: :33 < i cant say i trust mew or that we shouldnt kill mew but its pawvious SOMETHING is going on here

TYRENA: HA HA TYRENA: HA HA HA

TYRENA: SHE'S R1GHT, Y0U KN0W

TYRENA: D0 N0T GET ME WR0NG, 1 COULD K1LL Y0U

TYRENA: BUT WE'RE G01NG T0 NEED S0METH1NG BETTER THAN

TYRENA: A RUNN1NG START

TYRENA: -she scoops up a little bit of teal blood from the many holes in her body-- it doesn't look like she has a lot of blood, and she's hardly bleeding at all-- holding the finger towards the girl.-

TYRENA: THEY D0N'T JUST MAKE M0NSTERS 0F SAD L1TTLE MISFIT L0WBL00DS

TYRENA: AND WE NEED T0 GET T0 M1NNES0TA

NEPETA: =Narrows eyes more at that=

LUCANA: -sweats.... but minnesota is... dammit!- { = Fine! Take me with you. I can get you clearance at an airport near here... And you can take a jet to Minnesota! = }

LUCANA: { = But that's... That's really all I'm capable of offering!! = }

ARADIA: -her wings flutter-

TYRENA: G00D

TYRENA: -She sniffs the air, turning her head back towards Dirk.-

TYRENA: D0 Y0U 1NTEND T0 LEAVE THE B0DY HERE

DIRK: ... -finally gets to his feet, shakily. he isn't all here right now. his voice is low when he speaks.-

DIRK: No. -hoists. he's going to drag the militant over to the nearest fire and chuck him into it. now they can leave.-

NEPETA: =....she could've eaten that..=

DIRK: -fried fish-

NEPETA: = :'( =

TYRENA: Y0U ARE MADE F0R N0TH1NG, HUMAN, EXCEPT AN UNCERTA1N EX1STENCE

TYRENA: 1 H0PE Y0U C0NT1NUE T0 REMEMBER THAT -Shes gonna start walking. Sensitive nose like hers, she's got no desire to stay along the flames.-

ARADIA: -watches the flames for a moment. walks closer to the flames on her own. just watching.-

DIRK: -nods slowly as he watches flames consume the last of this awful representative of ideals that ALSO need to die in fire. at least they're working on it. maybe he can finally let go of his ties to it.-

DIRK: -glances at aradia after a moment.- ...

LUCANA: -fidgets, then straightens up her posture and begins to lead them over to one of the convoys. they can all fit in one of these luckily.-

ARADIA: -she's still staring-

NEPETA: =good yes, also she couldn't haul around spiny's venom without having things for poison so she's going to hand that off to someone so she and equiheck can get unpoisoned... she's also thinking about the bodies of her old friends hanging out in her dex. Mmmmnnnggg, what to do with them. She has them at least but... what to do. She's very tired=

DIRK: -pries himself away to follow the group. time to go.-

LUCANA: -she will drive this thing... maybe at gun point if it'll make people feel better.-

ARADIA: -waits a few seconds more before turning around and bringing up the rear-

ARADIA: -her leg is still bleeding but whatever-

[AND THEY'RE DRIVING. They should arrive at the airport sometime tomorrow.]

[afterspark-podcast]

G1 Episode 18: Transcript

Episode Show Notes

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

S: Because, like, psychological horror could be interesting.

O: It could.

[Intro Music]

O: Hello, and welcome to the Afterspark Podcast, an episode by episode recap of the Generation 1 Transformers cartoon. I'm Owls!

S: And I'm Specs!

O: And today we're going to be talking about episode number 18, The Immobilizer! Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?

S: Yeah.

O: And today, on show and tell--we mean The Transformers , Wheeljack wants to bask in his co-workers acclaim.

S: He has created the “Wheeljack Instant Immobilizer.”

O: That's a mouthful. Oh God! It abbreviates down to like, W-I-I, so it's the Wii? [Laughter]

S: As long as he copyrights it, they can't have the Wii in their universe, I guess.

O: [Laughter] I mean, it’s in the 80’s so it’s before the Wii came out. He theoretically could!

S: Yup. That, and I mean and it's maybe different enough that-

O: They wouldn't--yeah.

S: Have any issues.

O: Who knows!

O: [Laughter] Does Nintendo even exist in this world?  I don't know!

S: Who the heck knows?  Maybe, or maybe it's Mintendo.

O: [Snorts]

S: And everything would be just slightly to the left.

O: [Laughter]

S: The peanut gallery comes closer to witness the scientific marvel.

O: To show off Wheeljack's invention Hound makes a hologram of Laserbeak as a test subject.

S: I don’t know why they're doing a hologram. Would it freeze a hologram?

O: I don't know. I had that exact thought when we were watching it. Like, wait, is this even work or is Hound just going to simulate the--the effects? How does that work?

S: I feel like they didn't think this through. OK.

O: Do they think anything through?

S: I don’t know. And Spike calls him that, “Decepticon Dirty Bird Laserbeak” or the hologram.  He calls the hologram that.

O: Shut up, Spike.

S: And then Ironhide walks in, and Ironhide obviously wasn't briefed on any of this.

O: No, none of it!

S: So, Ironhide walks in, sees Laserbeak, and begins firing wildly in the main room with Teletraan 1,  knocking several of the stalactites down on top of his allies.   They didn't think this through.

O: Yeah, you--I feel like there should be like, I don't know, maybe a like, an Ark wide memo.  Hey we’re testing out some tech, don't freak out or something?

S: Yeah.

O: But no, no, we never think that far ahead.

S: Or going outside to test things.  Though we'll see that being a problem later.  Spike brushes himself off tells Ironhide, “It was a hologram, buddy.”

O: He brushes himself off really strangely too. Like, cuz it doesn't--he's not moving like, you would expect when you're dusting yourself off.  It almost looks like he's polishing something that isn't there.

S: Yeah, it's just weirdly animated.  To make it even better Ironhide makes perspective his bitch as he crosses in front of Spike, despite clearly being behind him--there's some scale issues, it's weird.

O: Yeah, me thinks they did not layer things correctly.

S: Yeah.

O: Ironhide, to his credit, is very apologetic and digs Wheeljack out of a pile of rocks.

S: Pile of rocks that Ironhide created, so like, let's be honest here--

O: [Laughter]

S: --and there's some weird spec--perspective issues here too.  Blah...

O: Yeah, there's just a lot of weirdness here.  Wheeljack’s invention was broken in all this chaos, so he sends Bumblebee and Spike into town to pick up a ‘polarizer.’

S: Yeah, yeah, sure, I'm sure you can just pick that up at the grocery store, buddy, or well, considering that we did research, maybe the camera store?

O: Yeah, a polarizer, I think when we looked up, was a camera piece but--but it does not look like a camera piece when Iron--agh--Wheeljack screws it on later.  So I'm not really sure if it even is remotely the same thing or if the writers picked a word at random that sounded good and sciencey!

S: I mean, how would you pick something up in town that is to scale with whatever the hell Wheeljack wants to use it for?

O:  Exactly!  Exactly. [laughter]

S: Who knows?

O: We cut to a scene of Bumblebee and Spike chillin’ in an arcade where Bumblebee is surrounded by a crowd of people playing a game that appears to be called ‘Robot Resource.’

S: [sighs] With a Spike looking like the hippest dude there.  He's just leaning up against that thing looking cool.

O: He has a giant alien robot as one of his best friends, can you really get any hipper than that?

S: Well, compared to everyone else in the crowd, not really.

O: No.

S: And here is where we meet Carly, our only human female main character in the series.  

[Sorry, guys we both completely blanked on Marissa, though it does seem like she’s not in it as much once she is introduced as Carly is in the first couple of seasons..  ~Owls]

O: It seems like Spike is smitten instantly, but Carly is much more interested in Bumblebee.

S: After introducing her to Bee, Spike is suddenly super, super interested in returning to the Ark with Wheeljack's, you know, shopping list thing.

O: I think he's jealous.  I think he's jealous what she wants to talk to Bee and not him.

S: He gets really...it seems like he gets bashful or something, I don’t know.

O: Yeah, I'm not really sure.

S: It’s not very clear.  There's only so much you can communicate with this badly animated episode.

O: Yeah, yeah.

S: And then Spike and Bumblebee leave the arcade through what must be an extremely oversized door.  Cuz, you know, Bumblebee fits perfectly.

O: Yup!  The arcade, uh, as we see when they step outside, is apparently called Robots Video Arcade.

S: Well, I guess they just really wanted to get into...all of the robot mania that must have happened when the Autobots and Decepticons turned up.

O: Oh my god, that absolutely would have been a fucking thing!  There would have been like, robots everywhere. I wonder if there would have been toys?  Would there have been knockoff toys? Would they, like, have tried to like contact the Autobots for licensing deals?  Somebody please write this, now I'm curious!

S: I don't know if they would have tried contacting them.  They probably wouldn't--well maybe, who knows?

O: Yeah, I think it depends on like, what company was doing it but now I'm just imagining like would you have some poor, like, lawyer trying to get a hold of the Autobots but they'd be--would they try to get a hold of the Cons?  Like, would--would actually, the Cons be okay with that if they were getting paid money? Like, it is a very good question!

S: Swindle would be the one who'd get in contact with them for the licensing whenever he showed up.

O: Yes.  I was gonna say, he's not there yet though, to our knowledge.

S: Oh, he's definitely not there yet.  He's still in robot prison.

O: Oh right, he's the one that was in robot--one of the ones that was in robot prison.

S: Well, personality store prison.

O: Eh, he’s in prison.  [laughter]

S: Yeah.

O: I dunno what he did to piss off Shockwave (presumably), but he did something!

S: I think Megatron’s the one he pissed off, I'm not sure but that--

O: That, that wouldn’t shock me.  Considering Swindle’s track record on pissing people off.

S: Yeah, I mean considering he sells his teammates--

O: We'll get into that later.  He co--Swindle shenanigans, if you will.

S: Yeah, eventually we will.  There are so many. And then Carly exits the arcade jumping into her magenta convertible to follow them and it's amazing.

O: [laughter] Carly is a badass!  She’s like, “All right! I'm just gonna follow you home then!”

S: Pretty much!  And meanwhile, Bumblebee drives like a goddamn idiot.  I'm surprised he hasn't accidentally killed Spike.

O:  [laughter] Oh, no, no, no, that was last episode!

S: Cuz he swerves out into traffic!  Like, I don't think he even stops--

O: Nope!

S: --at the end of the street, he's just like VROOM!

O: I think the better question here is--how is there no honking involved from the other drivers here?  If you driven, you make a mistake--people honk at you! Are these poor people just too used to crazy Autobot driving in their town now!?!

S:  Honestly, that's terrifying and it makes you wonder how the Autobots don't have an absolutely metric fuck ton of tickets.

O: I-I love some fanfic that like, um, they're just kind of the running joke is the Autobots pay all their tickets but the tickets are like, sent directly to the Ark because half the time the Autobots won't stop for cops.  Especially if your name is Sideswipe!

S: Yeah, either that or Sideswipe has like, a collection of five hundred and it his pride and joy or something?

O: Yeah, yes I like--either of those extremes are pretty good I think.  Um, however, Bumblebee is pulled over by a very scary cop. His face does not change for the entire shot!

S: And--and this is while--he’s--while Bumblebee is being pulled over, not once he's out of [the car.]

O: Yeah, yeah.

S: I feel like we should specify that.

O: Right.

S: But the man looks very caffeinated.

O: He’s got like, an open mouth- it just looks very, very strange.

S: They wanted to save some money.

O: I--that’s what I guess it was, but what kills me here is that the cop didn't even apparently stop them for reckless driving.  Which we've established Bumblebee was driving very recklessly but because Spike is too young to be driving.

S: And the thing is I don't think Spike is even in the driver's seat.

O: I couldn't remember if he was.

[While they’re driving Spike is in the passenger side, but he got in on the driver’s side.  ~Owls]

S: I think he’s actually in the passenger seat so basically Bumble--Bumblebee gets pulled over for not having anyone in the driver’s seat.

O: I don't know--he said--he says Spike was driving when he pulls him over so...

S: Maybe?  I could be very wrong.

O: Yeah, that's the reason the cop gives, that's all I'm getting at.

S: Yeah, let me see if I got a picture...no, I just got a picture of Bumblebee getting cut off by the police officer.

O: Right!  Right, because the cop totally cut him off when he got pulled over too.

S: Yeah, it looks like he's literally going to hit Bumblebee into the street sign.

O: [laughter]

S: Yeah...and then Bumblebee transforms to set the cop straight cuz there's this dialogue where Spike tells the cop about Bumblebee literally being an Autobot and the cop comes back with, “He's not a Bumblebee cuz he doesn't like, buzz or whatever.”

O: Or, “If it's a Bumblebee let me see him buzz or something,” and Bumblebee’s like, “Uh, maybe I can settle this without actually buzzing?”  [laughter]

S: Yeah…

O: To paraphrase.

S: And…

O: Ravage suddenly tackles Bee right the fuck out of nowhere.  Like, he's not been seen in this episode the entire time and just suddenly, Ravage!

S: How did no one notice this large metallic panther?

O: In all fairness, we've established Ravage can turn invisible--

S: Ohh…

O: --so maybe he was invisible in the background for some amount of time and carefully not stepping on people.

S: Yeah, well, I don't know, god. [sighs] Ravage clearly sticks some sort of device onto Bee and somehow no one notices.

O: No one notices!  Bee doesn't notice, Spike doesn't notice, nobody at the Ark notices.  It's visible on his fucking chassis, come on! Uh, then Spike and the cop actually use jumper cables by hooking it up to the cop car, uh, to shock Ravage to get him off of Bumblebee.

S: Somehow it actually gets referenced in one of the things that I--in one of the pieces of fanfiction we’re going to be recommending today.

O: Oh!  That's interesting.  Um, but to be fair, Ravage had already uh, done his goal.  He'd already attached the device to Bumblebee, so technically he did what he wanted to do.

S: Yeah, yeah.  He fulfilled all of his goals for the day, I guess.  And then the cop does mention that speed laws applies to Autobots too before he lets the two go on their way.  So maybe he did think they were going too fast?

O: But that is definitely not what he opened with.

S: Yeah.

O: Meanwhile, presumably, Carly’s gotta be lurking in the background somewhere because she's gonna show up later which is also kind of funny uh, assuming that she saw the entirety of this exchange.

S: I kind of like to imagine her having a camera or whatever.

O: [laughter]

S: She’s just taking--she’s doing Autobot sightings.

O: Oh, see I just like the idea of her kinda, like, squinting over her steering wheel like, “Did he just get attacked by a giant metal panther?”

S: Yeah…

O: Which is just amusing to me.

S: It is, and then, so once they return to the base Wheeljack does not give a fuck why they’re late, just that they are late.  And then he's like, “All right, back to the thing!”

O: Yeah, he screws on the polarizer they brought him and then he is ready to go, back right where he left off.

S: Pretty much, he's very--very goal-oriented.  He knows what his priorities are.

O: The device Ravage stuck to Bee turns out to be a camera, with Megatron and Starscream watching Wheeljack’s demonstration. WHHHHY!?!  Why was this even needed!?! Laserbeak goes in and out of the Ark--literally not figuratively--ALL THE TIME.

S: I imagine Laserbeak's got better things to do with this time.  I mean, he has to have better things to do with this time than following Bumblebee.

O: He’s on vacation?

S: He didn't want to miss a soap operas.

O: Ooh, a hundred percent believe Soundwaave would do this so Laserbeak could watch his soaps.  Headcannon accepted!

S: They also may have wanted a better vantage point than Laserbeak would be able to get while hiding, I don’t know.

O: Maybe, but considering what happens next, I'm not even sure if I think that makes sense, whatever. I--Laserbeak is at home watching a soap operas, change my--ehh, don't bother trying to change my mind this is what I believe.

S: And so, the Autobots roll out to go elsewhere for Wheeljack to test his invention, so they don't have a recurring, um, a recurring thing like what happened with Ironhide.

O Although, presumably sending a memo would solve this, but okay!  Uh, Ironhide is then stuck on watch duty once they arrive to wherever the fuck they are in the middle of the forest.

S: [sighs] Yeah...and then Wheeljack activates his device and freezes a waterfall.  And probably kills a bunch of fish.

O: Eh, I don’t know--like if they're just frozen in time then presumably they'd be unfrozen and be fine but I don’t--

S: Well--

O: --we never see them freeze a living [organic] thing.

S: The closest we get is when it happens to Wheeljack but the thing is it's not necessarily freezing things in time, it's freezing their molecules or their atoms or whatever they are.

O: Right, right, but I’m saying that like, I don't know what that looks like for them because it could just be that, oh, Transformers don't need to breathe and so Wheeljack is fine.  But it's like, is that why or does it freeze them in such a way where they're just basically held in stasis for an hour or whatever.

S: That's a good point, but if it freezes them and their bodies still need like, oxygen or whatever…

O: Then yes, we killed a bunch of fish.

S: Yeah, they're the real questions.

O: These are the real questions, that we're not going to get answers to.

S: Yeah.  They say this water is now harder than anything else they know.

O: Okay, but why?

S: Through the power of Wheeljack says so, that's why.

O: Of course!  Naturally, Brawn tries to punch it.

S: It's his way.

O: Of course it is.  Spike then ruins everything uh, stepping on the remote and activating the device once again but Wheeljack heroically tosses Spike out of the way and gets immobilized himself.

S: It wasn't even aimed low enough to actually hit Spike, but okay.

O: [laughter] Ratchet inspects Wheeljack by yanking on his head and then is like, “Oh no, we don't know how to reverse this.”

S: I'm sorry Ratchet, Wheeljack did not plan for reversing things apparently.  He didn't think this through very well.

O: Yeah, although also insert joke about, “Oh god, my husband.”  Um--

S: Yeah…

O: --Carly catches up and accidentally distracts Ironhide for long enough that the Cons are able to attack which further feeds into Ironhide's insecurities.

S: Which will magically dissipate after this episode ends, but I mean how did we not hear what the hell was going on with the Decepticons attacking?

O: I--like--you have a gia--you have multiple giant mechs. Uh, I think, you know Soundwave and Megatron obviously, in robot mode then they have three jets flying through the air.  So I don't know how you don't hear that!

S: Megatron demands the Immobilizer but Trailbreaker calls him a Mega-turkey.

O: That’s--that's not even a good insult.

S: it really isn't, but when are they?

O: They just keep using ‘turkey’ to insult Cons, how do they even know what turkeys are?

S: Maybe Sparkplug told them some human insul-insults and I don't know maybe they were around for Thanksgiving or something.

O: I'm still 90% certain they don't actually know what a turkey is.

S: Except maybe Hound, we did look up that thing on turkeys’ geographical range.

O: [laughter] So, for--for future reference uh, I think turkeys are mostly in the Midwest and the eastern parts of the United States, but there is one subspecies of turkey that can be found in Washington and Oregon.  So we were like okay, theoretically they could have seen a live turkey, I guess.

S: They could have possible hit a live turkey!

O: [laughter] That too!

S: It's the Rio Grande subspecies--

O: Or something like that.

B: Yeah.

O: Megatron orders an attack, the Autobots hide behind Trailbreaker’s shield, Starscream proceeds to run his mouth off (again) and then jumps in the air to attack the Autobots from above.

S: To combat this assault Sideswipe jumps into the air and tackles him.  Sideswipe was flying by the way.

O: Yeah, he does have a jetpack.  We've established that, that's fine.

S: Um-hm.  Causing his fire to go erratic and hit the Cons who scatter.

O: Sorry, causing Starscream’s fire to erratic--

S: Yes.

O: --and hit the Cons who scatter.

S: Yeah, and then the Decepticons take cover behind some trees.

O: Okay, I'm pretty sure they should not be fitting behind these trees as well as they are because those trees look huge.

S: When did we end up in the National Redwood Forest--or the Redwood National Forest?

O: I-I-apparently that’s where Wheeljack goes to test his dangerous inventions! [laughter]

S: Someone--

O: They drove all the way to California for this!

S: Why, WHHHHHY!?!

O: [continued laughter]

S: [sighs] And then Skywarp proceeds to shoot a ‘bouncer bomb’ that's basically...um, it basically turns this entire fight into a wacky pinball game as it ricochets around the field.

O: I'll have you know we did actual research on what the heck he said here because--and looked it up because I thought it sounded like ‘pulsar bomb’ and Specs thought it sounded like ‘cluster bomb’.  So according to the TF Wiki, it's a ‘bouncer bomb’ which is just as silly as you'd think.

S: It just bounce, bounce, bounce.  And Megatron gets so sick of this thing that he alts into his gun mode and Soundwave shoots him at it.

O: Insert your own joke here.  Of course, this also hits a tree knocking it over right on top of Optimus Prime, who just so happened to be holding the Immobilizer.

S: It looks as silly as it sounds.

O: It does, it's delightful!

S: Yeah, we got photos.

O: We did.

S: Um, and then Ironhide attempts to get the Immobilizer before the Cons do but gets shot by Megatron for his trouble.

O: Starscream grabs the Immobilizer. Ironhide shoots him hit--with the oil from his arms and he falls on his face.

S: And yet, the Immobilizer still just rolls right to Megatron because obviously that's where it wants to go.

O: Obviously!  Starscream yells that his telemeter has been damaged as he walks into trees over and over again after getting up.

S: I think it's telemetry.

O: Uh, was it?  Oh, I thought it said telemeter but, eh.

S: It might be…

O: Either telemeter or telemetry, I don’t know.

S: It doesn’t matter.

O: Because I looked it up.  ‘Telemetry’ actually is a real word.

S: Yeah.

O: But it's like, I think the act of reading or transmitting something.  So that's why I was like, okay is--did they say telemeter, and like telemeter’s supposed to be the part of their biology that does it?  I don't know.

S: Eh, I don't know, uh

O: Point of the fact is Starscream is screaming while walking into trees.  That's really all you know!

S: it's really goofy.

O: It's really goofy and delightful, yes.

S: And then Optimus points out that Megatron is losing his soldiers and Megatron says his soldiers don't matter as long as, “I get what I deserve!”

O: Speaking of which, at the exact moment Starscream makes his way over to the rest of the group of Cons, the water that they're all standing on unfreezes and washes them all downriver.

S: It's great.

O: It is amazing.

S: The Autobots proceed to head back to base, taking was still frozen Wheeljack--who at this point is being held by like, all the minibots.

O: [giggling] Yeah, you couldn't give it to like Optimus or something, no, no we got to make all the minibots carry him.

S: Yeah.

O: Back at base, Ironhide is whining about this being all his fault.

S: And Ratchet is not having any of his shit.

O: He also threatens to disconnect Ironhide’s synthesiser.

S: Um-hm.

O: Ironhide feels like he's too old to be useful and he says he's going into retirement.

S: What do retired Autobots do?  Do they yell, “Dagnabbit!” at I retired Decepticons?  Do they, do they sit on the front porch and wave, wave their fists angrily a young new Decepticon hoodlums messing around on their lawns?

O: Do they whack each other over the head with canes?  The world may never know!

S: Carly is joining in on this pity party, blaming herself and apologizing to Ironhide.  Cuz they took her back with them.

O: They did take her back with them.  Uh, which then Ironhide shows Carly around the base including their ammo storage area with a bunch of giant missiles.

S: Missiles we never see them use.

O: Missiles that don't seem to match the specs of any Autobot weapon we will ever see in this series.

S: I mean maybe those missiles that they had when they crashed that they can't use but…

O: Maybe?  It still just seemed weird that--that like, they walk into this room there's just a fuck ton of missiles?

S: Yeah.  Ironhide’s like, “We wish we didn't have them either.”

O: Yeah, which I mean, yeah?

S: Yeah, and then Carly just pockets a freaking grenade because--

O: Fuck yeah Carly!

S: --the girl knows what she wants.

O: She does!  And she wants to blow shit up.  Wheeljack finally unfreezes and worries that they'll be doomed if the Cons can figure out a way to make that effect permanent.

S: I guess Wheeljack knew that the thing wasn't permanent, so that's why he didn't care.

O: Yeah, probably, but he may have also still not known what it did to organic life which is why you don't want Spike to get hit?

S: Yeah.

O: I'm willing to bet a lot of money Wheeljack froze himself multiple times during that--making that damn thing to be honest.

S: Oh, probably.  Spike notices Carly is missing and he and Bumblebee go after her.

O: Carly is fucking amazing.  When we next see her she is in a boat in the middle of the ocean in scuba gear ready to storm the Decepticon base which would seem to suggest that:  One, their base is not that deep under water as she does not need deep diving gear and/or the writers have no idea what deep diving gear is. Pick one.  And that it isn't that far offshore as she is in a pretty small boat.

S: She's also wearing a full wet suit instead of like, a bikini or something--

O: Which is nice honestly!

S: Um-hm.  She's a prepared lady.

O: I like her.

S: Yep, and presumably that the Decepticons headquarters is just general knowledge...somehow.

O: Yeah, which is also pretty funny to be honest.  It's just like, do the fishermen of the area just know to avoid like this mile wide area around it?  And it's just like, don't look directly at the birds, don't look directly at the birds!

S: Yeah, either that or she is just enough--interested enough in Transformers that she's found all this shit out.

O: Which I would also believe to be honest.

S: Mm-hmm.  Soundwave notices her intrusion nearly immediately and sends Laserbeak after her.

O: And she actually put up a pretty good fight considering she had no weapons on her at the time.  Like, I think she beans Laserbeak, or tries to with her uh, scuba diving air supply?

S: Yeah, she has no--she gives no fucks.

O: She gives no fucks.

S: The Autobots are alerted to Carly's distress by the Sky Spy.

O: The Cons actually recognize Carly from the fight earlier in the day and assume the Autobots will send someone after her so they're basically holding her hostage.

S: Pretty much, pretty much.  Um, this ta--the Skyfire taxi service drops Ironhide off with Bumblebee and Spike so they can get Carly back together.

O: Underwater, uh, Carly's earlier placed bomb--because she's stuck one on the base--detonates and the Cons leave Carly in a room that is quickly filling with water.  Uh, but then Ironhide busts in and saves her.

S: Ironhide knows what he’s about.  And on the shore they meet up with Spike and Bumblebee, but Megatron appears and uses the modified Immobilizer on Ironhide, freezing him.

O: Optimus shows up and shoots Megatron.  Megatron falls over and Starscream declares himself the new leader.

S: It is funny.

O: It is very funny but Megatron is fine.  He just took one shot, you know compared to explosives that were uh, [clears throat] powerful enough to move an entire fucking planet.  Starscream, I think you're jumping the gun a bit here, AH HEM, pun intended. [laughter]

S: For some ungodly reason, Rumble has the Immobilizer remote and is controlling it.

O: I mean he's doing a good enough job I just think it's weird they handed it to him?

S: He looks so serious.

O: He does!  Autobots are being immobilized left and right, but Carly has a plan.

S: Always good to have a plan.  She gets Brawn to dig a tunnel underneath the Immobilizer with Jazz distracting the Cons with the powers of MUSIC!

O: [laughter] Really loud music.

S: Yeah.

O: Carly comes up from below, swaps two wires, and everybody unfreezes.

S: Needs to swap the polarity or something?

O: It’s--

S: I don’t know, it's like the positive and negative wires.

O: I don't know, it's literally like, the only two wires in there when she opens the damn thing, it's great.

S: Yeah. [sighs] Laserbeak attempts to recover the Immobilizer but Ironhide fights him off, redeeming himself. And I guess Laserbeak was done with his soaps at this point.

O: He must have been done with his soaps uh, when the Autobots win, Megatron throws an honest to god fucking tantrum.  It is amazing, but the Cons do retreat.

S: Yup.  Later in a blazing sunset Ironhide tells Prime that he's coming out of retirement, thus completing his character arc.

O: The like, one character arc he'll have in this series, I guess?

S: Yeah.

O: Wheeljack asks Carly how she figured out her brilliant strategy of swapping two fucking wires.

S: She spouts some technobabble and sh--we we find out that she's going to college at MIT.

O: Spike likes older women.

S: He does.

O: Spike asks Carly out for a chocolate soda.

S: Is that an egg cream?  Did he just ask her out for an egg cream?

O: Where do you even get those? [laughter]

S: Um, soda fountains, apparently.  I don’t know.

O: Where those things...where those still a thing in the 80’s?  Guys, guys, guys we weren’t born yet, where those still a thing in the 80’s!?!

S: I don’t know, I wanna know, um, we looked up--uh, we looked it up.

O: We looked up what a chocolate soda was, because we were like--is it an egg cream? And we don’t think it’s an egg cream, but-but is it an egg cream?  We-we have no idea.

S: Let me look up egg creams, but an egg cream is--

O: We did, we did, and it didn't look like it was the same thing because the recipes were different.

S: Well, it is a carbon--it's basically a carbonated chocolate milk.  I think that chocolate soda was basically an addition of ice cream.

O: Yeah, I think you--cause we--I read it and you were like, that's basically a shake.

S: Um, they leave immediately, jumping into Carly's car and riding off as the episode ends.

O: Join us next time in, “Dinobot Island, Part 1.”  Buckle up for Dinobots, dinosaurs, prehistoric islands, and time travel.  Woohoo! [laughter] It's gonna be a ride.

S: Yeah.

O: My dear Specs, what is our fanfic for today?

S: Okay, so we have two Carly based fanfiction recommendations for today.

O: Woo!

S: The first is, He Will Meet No Suave Discussion by ShadowShock.  Uh, G1 cartoon, rated K+, Gen, no pairings.  Uh, Characters are: Carly, Chip, Wheeljack, various Autobots, and Ravage.  And in summary, ah, “Don't mess with Chip!”

O: [laughter]

S: And our theme for this one or character rec is: Carly being a badass.

O: Carly is lovely.

S: And it's a one shot.  And our second-second one is Fifty Dollar Data Plan by Retrolex and it's G1 cartoon continuity, rated T for teens, Gen, no pairings.  Carly--and the characters are Carly and various Autobots. And in summary, “Time to upgrade that data plan, Carly.”

O: Because like, remember this is like, the 80’s, or possibly the 90’s when they're writing this and like, you have a bunch of robots that can freely submit info--you know--transmit information--

S: Freely text.

O: Yes.

S: Freely text.

O: You know what the--do you remember what data plans were like in the 90’s?  They were not good. [laughter]

S: Yeah, and I think the opening line in it is, “Did you know, that texts from giant robots count as long distance?”

O: [laughter]

S: It’s something like that, it’s something like that.

O: Something like that.

S: It's great, and um, basically our theme for that is: Carly!  And it's a one-shot.

O: I've actually read this one it's very short but it is quite funny.

S: It is, it's basically Carly recounting a whole bunch of text messages she's gotten from giant robots.

O: Which is a great--just-just a good premise, come on.

S: Um-hm, and basically bemoaning the fact that she'll probably be broke for the next year.

O: Forever!  Yeah.

S: And that just about wraps it up for us today.  Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned.  You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at AftersparkPod (all one word) and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast such as AO3, iTunes, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and Youtube, just to name a few.  Till next time I’m Specs!

O: And I'm Owls!

S: Toodles.

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