#I only just got like...halfway (i think) through dathomir

[wrencatte]

...I started writing a jfo fic. i don't think i can write any Jason stuff until I get this idea out of my head >.< I know the whole "two cakes!" thing is like 100% true and real, but I can't help but go hmmm because there are so many talented writers and I'm sooooooo late to the party and all that......

[breakfastteatime]

Alrighty friends, here we go, Breakfast Tea's Battle Scars Review. Putting it under the cut because spoilers, and also my levels of spiciness are at maximum. Lots of swears ahead! I don't tend to write book reviews (hi, unpublished author over here) but, uh, this is for science!

For the record, I have NO IDEA how these tie-ins are commissioned. So, for example, I don’t know if the author came up with the plot and it was okayed, or if she was told “do something with A, B, C and D and make it a book” so I appreciate that she probably didn’t have as much freedom as a fic writer.

Also, yes, I did get to the point where I was skimming chunks of the book, so if I'm factually wrong, feel free to correct me, but know that it won't make me like the book any better because my issues are layered and numerous👍

Also also, this is pretty stream-of-consciousy so go with me, okay?

Finally, there’s *one* spoiler that I’m guessing will tie into the game re: Greez.

Okay, let’s GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Plot Summary (warning, I haven't done a good job summarising it hahahahahahahaaa)

The plot is - the crew go to break into a Haxion Brood base because reasons. While they're there they find a bunch of stormtroopers, one of whom is actually Fret, who wants to defect because she's sick of the Empire. Merrin is instantly attracted to her which, okay, sure, fine, to the point of becoming completely giddy around her. Also, Merrin's been struggling with her powers because of all her trauma from Dathomir (a very good a legit reason but, uh, didn't we do that with Cal in the game ANYWAY AHEM) but DON'T WORRY, SHE JUST NEEDS TO HAVE SEX WITH THE RIGHT PURPLE LADY BECAUSE SHE’S ANGRY AT THE EMPIRE TOO AND SEX WILL SOLVE ALL OF MERRIN’S WOES AND LITERALLY ALLOWS HER TO ACCESS HER MAGICK AGAIN WOO! Oops, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Fret then reveals she's not actually a stormtrooper but used that as a disguise to escape because don't you know it, she's got intel that will lead them to something called the Shroud, which will essentially make anyone who has it invisible. Think cloaking technology from Star Trek. That's the best comparison. So, if the rebels have this, they'll be able to undertake sneak attacks, but if the Empire has it, BAD NEWS. ANYWAY, the crew go to the person Fret’s working with who claims he’s anti-Empire too and he’ll use the Shroud for good and everyone agrees they’ll go get the schematics and bring them to him. Off they go and find said Shroud schematics after Merrin totally gets her powers back after receiving some sexual healing (no, really), only to discover the Shroud’s schematics aren’t written down but are instead secure in Fret's oops-not-dead lizard girlfriend Irei's head... and she's vaguely Force-sensitive because OF COURSE SHE FUCKING IS. Oh and the Fifth Brother is here too because he naturally wants the Shroud and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The Mantis crew are all totally at odds with each other because it turns out despite living and working together for years they’re all after totally different things but have never said anything until now, which would be interesting if Fret wasn't there being all self-insert OC. And anyway, don't worry, the crew gets over it. Oh, and Greez loses an arm protecting Cal and Cere from the Fifth Brother about halfway through.

Uuuuh what else….??? Oh! Right, Fret’s dealer dude. They realise he’s bad, they defeat him. Boom. Can’t be arsed to go into more detail than that (also I was totally falling asleep reading this part, my bad???).

Fret and her ex(?) get back together (kinda??), leave the Mantis after the whole Shroud thing and the Fifth Brother are dealt with, Merrin opts to not go with them and Fret’s like “Oh, yeah, I see what you have with Cal” and Merrin’s like “??? Cal’s like that with everyone.” Interpret that at your discretion.

OH OH OH and Cere totally goes off to find some Jedi circlet thing that is LITERALLY A VIDEOGAME ACCESSORY USED TO BOOST STATS which is (unintentionally??) hilarious but fuck that it’s so completely lost in the rest of it, as is a lot of Cere’s desire to create a legacy for the Jedi.

The Good!

Hooray for LGBTQ+ representation!

Fight scenes are good when the action is happening.

Cere's characterisation is okay???? Like out of all of them, she feels the most in character... kind of???????? I get her motivation, and it feels fairly close to what I think she's gonna be up to in the next game. But her decision to… wait… sorry, this was meant to be positive. ARGH! Alright, let’s move on…

I really like the concept that, since the end of the first game, they’ve all been on the run from the Empire and the Haxion Brood. Excellent concept! I’m guessing Survivor will give us more.

I also really like the concept that the crew all want different things.

SPOILER!!! Greez loses an arm. This scene was pretty good and believable – Greez wants to save Cal and Cere and he makes a terrible sacrifice to do so.

The Everything Else

👎 Wish that LGBTQ+ rep was in a better written book. I do read romance sometimes (or, more accurately, books in which romance occurs) and I am not opposed to instant attraction. But I like it to be a bit less fire-hose-of-HAWTNESS to the face. It basically feels that Merrin has a week-long relationship with someone in which sex solves all her problems??? There's a lot of stuff in this book about why Merrin can't go to her actual friends with this (she's a Nightsister, dammit, and no one can understand how she feels but Fret is angry like Merrin is, therefore instacrush, lust, sex and AAAAARGH), but wouldn’t it be much more narratively satisfying if the people who support her through her troubles are the ones she has long-term relationships with??? Near the end Cal does become this person to her but it feels a bit awkward. Almost like he’s stepping up because Fret left. 👎 Merrin’s struggles here, while absolutely understandable, feel like a rehash of Cal’s entire journey in the game… except Cal sorts his shit out one way, and Merrin shags her way to better mental health. I mean, get yours, Merrin, but it feels like an odd choice, because… 👎 Fret, Merrin's love interest, feels like such an author self-insert it actually made me uncomfortable. Lady, I don't wanna read your fantasies!!!

👎 The plot doesn’t have room to breathe because there’s too much going on. And while I’m here, the Shroud feels completely universe breaking because while the prototype they wind up making is a fake and becomes a bomb, the fact that Irei designed it to hide herself (she’s Force sensitive, remember??!?!?!) means it could potentially work and literally change the Star Wars universe... But Irei’s a total non-entity in the rest of canon sooooooooo this universe breaking macguffin is pointless, making the plot largely pointless??? Or did I miss something when I got to the skimming part? WHATEVER. The Shroud thing… Aaaah, I’ll get back to that later… 👎 There’s too much authorial voice masquerading as the characters. In other words, I didn’t hear the characters, I just heard the author coming through loud and clear. (and okay, yeah, every time I have a character suddenly be British makes me guilty of this too BUT I like to think it’s not as bad as this. HEY! LET ME HAVE MY DELUSIONS ALRIGHT?!). For example, Cal goes off on this whole *thing* about the Fifth Brother's hat, which doesn't feel like him at all. At no point in the game did he go off about Trilla’s helmet (which he compares the Fifth Brother’s hat to) or trade really petty insults. He has his whole bravado thing going on, but not “dude, your hat looks STOOPID.” Seriously, it’s about a page of him being uncharacteristically cocky and sassy (more on Cal’s characterisation later). This authorial voice tendency makes everyone feel the same, especially when you’ll read one thing in Cal’s POV, move onto Greez’s, and Greez will think the exact same thing. There’s very little differentiation in character voice. The banter is BAD.   👎I'm not saying JFO isn't funny because it has some lovely moments (“Wait, do you have feet?”), but they are light touches. This book's 'humour' is like having an anvil dropped on your head. This is the book where subtly came to die until the VERY end where there’s some nice moments with Cal and Merrin… except it’s ruined by Cal CONSTANTLY thinking about how he needs to protect his family… Which brings me onto… 👎 This book is so repetitive. If Cal referred to the others as 'Family' one more time, or someone else said they wanted to make a dent in the Empire’s hull, I'm not sure my e-reader would've survived. I actually counted btw – pg 77 of my ebook edition has the word family on it 7 times. SEVEN TIMES. The word crops up 39 times overall and once I noticed it, I couldn’t stop. The phrase ‘making a dent’ appears 9 times and again, once I noticed it, I couldn’t stop. Oh editor, where are you?

👎 It’s also inconsistent in its storytelling. For instance, there’s a moment where Merrin and Cere go off on a mission together and Merrin reflects on how well they always work together… and then later on she goes off with Fret and is like “It’s so nice to not be alone for a change!!!” And while this is probably in reference to how her and Cal tend to approach missions from different angles (literally – above and below), it’s one of those instances where something here needed editing – e.g. actually Merrin and Cere have never done a mission together, therefore that’s nice, and so when she goes off with Fret she can be like “wow, twice in one day! I could get used to this!” It’s shit like that made the whole thing so frustrating. 👎The structure is bad. Midway through an otherwise good action scene, the POV character will stop to think for so long they would have been killed. It really disrupts the flow of the battle. The pacing just screeches to a halt. It’s the same whenever the characters reminisce on the events of the game, but I’ll come back to that. Stick a pin in it! 👎 The book also does a several days later flashback that wrecks the pacing. We’re at this moment of tension – they’re about to break into a compound but oh no – the access codes from Merrin’s girlfriend don’t work because GASP she lied about abandoning the Empire! Cue tension! Cue drama! Cue… romance in a ‘several days earlier’ flashback. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. Honestly, poor, poor Cal the first time he gets to use his own room again. Echoes EVERYWHERE. He’s gonna go as red as his hair every time he looks at Merrin and everyone’s gonna get the wrong idea. Sorry, what was my point? OH RIGHT! Pacing! Pacing BAD.

👎 BEEDEE WUN. Get. In. the. Fucking. Bin. 👎 Speaking of our beloved BD, he is here, but he's referred to as 'Cal's droid' or Cal is referred to as his master, which... no. Absofuckinglutely NO. At one point, Merrin (who presumably has known BD for 2-3 years at this point), thinks of BD as Cal’s ‘strange but cute little droid’. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?! They are friends. Best friends. Cere, when thinking of the crew, her family, states there are "four and a half people" on the crew. BD IS NOT HALF A PERSON, AND ALSO OH GOD THE HISTORICAL CONNOTATIONS OF THIS ARE SO BAD, HOW THE HELL DID AN EDITOR NOT PICK UP ON THIS?!?!?!?

👎Cal's characterisation is NOT good. He is so inconsistent outside of I MUST PROTECT MY FAMILY. MY FAMILY, THE CREW OF THE MANTIS, WHO ARE MY FAMILY. I WILL DIE TO PROTECT THEM, MY FAMILY, THE ONLY PEOPLE LEFT TO ME THAT I LOVE, THE MANTIS CREW. Which, for the record, works as a motivator for him, but not when it’s done with all the nuance of a sledgehammer to the knees. When Merrin's busy having sex in the engine room (you know, where Cal sleeps, the guy with psychometry), he is initially naive to the point of stupidity. “Oh golly gosh, Merrin’s sealed the door, I guess that means her powers are coming back!” He was on Bracca for 5 years. I think he knows what goes on behind closed doors. When he realises what's happened, he is both totally blasé (the Jedi don’t have relationships so he’s never thought about it), and also jealous in a way that can be interpreted in one of two ways, depending on your shipping leanings. He's either jealous because Merrin is HIS woman (oh, no, sorry, I mean GIRL. Fucking HATE it when adult women are called girl), or he's jealous because Fret is inserting herself into HIS FAMILY, THE CREW OF THE MANTIS, THE FAMILY HE WILL DIE FOR when she’s a lying liar who lies. He’s *so* petty he refers to Fret as a ‘gal’ which, again, UUUUUUUUUUUGH. Oh, and he's seen an echo revealing Fret to be a liar, but he's not going to disclose it to the others because he doesn’t want to hurt Merrin when she’s finally happy and able to use her magick again and yet Fret might be about to kill his family, the crew of the Mantis, the people Cal will literally die for. Because they’re his family. PICK A MOOD, CAL. Actually, wait, I’m not done with what’s been done to Cal…

His characterisation makes me want to weep. He gets annoyed with Cere for wanting to find a Jedi relic despite... the entire... first game... being... about... this... exact... thing????? I think the author was going for “well, Cere wants to create a legacy for the Jedi so their history is not lost to time!” whereas Cal wants to (say it with me!) ‘put a dent in the Empire’s hull’ which, okay, there’s an interesting contrast, but Cal is someone who is inherently linked with the past so why is *this* the conflict between these two? It’s not quite working for me, probably because it’s just not central enough to the plot. If *this* was what we dug into, it would probably work really well. Unfortunately, we’re not here for that.

Cal also says shit like “What’s the problem here, team?” like he’s in middle management.

👎 The book is set somewhere between the two games and is purposefully vague, which *would* work if these characters *felt* like they'd spent years together instead of the author telling us they have. Relationship-wise, it feels like we're maybe a couple of months out from the game because the book wastes so much of its word count going back over events from the game… which happened years ago at this point! My guess is it was written with people who hadn't played the game in mind, which again just makes the pacing suffer. Plus, we’ve got five people who’ve lived together for years (they’re a family, a crew, they love each other like family, they will DIE FOR EACH OTHER!!!!!!), and yet all of them see their mission differently. Y’all have been at this for YEARS but it’s only now that you realise you’re not united?! This would work if we were closer in time to the original game… but years down the line?! And again, this is a GREAT concept! SO much to work with there… except we’ve got sexy purple lady and lizard lady in the way of what could’ve been an amazing character exploration of CHARACTERS WE KNOW AND LOVE. STICK ANOTHER PIN IN IT!

👎 The author struggles to integrate game mechanics into a n ovel. BD-1 will just randomly hand Cal stims because hey, I guess that’s what he does in the game????????? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 👎 The author hasn’t heard of show, don’t tell. Stop bloody telling me that Cal loves his family and show me – give me a scene where they sit down for a meal together. Give me a scene where Cal sits with Greez after he’s injured. ANYTHING that shows me rather than smashes me over the head with one of the 39 uses of the word family.

👎 Cere really randomly refers to Cal as her Padawan when he’s busy getting his arse handed to him by the Fifth Brother. Cal’s honest, he knows he didn’t beat Trilla because he was stronger than her, but this is YEARS later. Has he not gotten stronger in that time? SIGH. Also, Cal might be mentored by her but he’s not strictly speaking her Padawan? Okay, now I’m just nitpicking… 👎 WAIT, ONE MORE! Cal refers to Master Tapal as Master Jaro. That just irritated me.

How I’d Rewrite It

So, let’s take the pin out and examine the lack of character exploration (except for Merrin who we do get to have a good look at in a weird way). The main issue I have with this book is Fret and Irei get in the way of what could have been a really good character-building piece for the five characters we know and love from the game.

So, wanna know how I’d write it? Simplify and FOCUS:

The Mantis crew are infiltrating a Haxion Brood base because they’ve gotten their hands on a precious Jedi relic that the Empire are also after. While there, Cal and the others find the relic but are attacked by the Brood and the Empire. A defector (Fret) finds them and says the Empire is using the Fifth Brother to hunt for the Shroud’s schematics and its inventor (Irei), who’s in hiding. Fret gives them the name and location of the broker who will pay the crew for retrieving the Shroud and Irei – a man linked to the Rebellion known as Luthen Rael. He’ll also give them Irei’s location. While trying to escape, Fret gets shot and killed by the Brood or the Empire or WHATEVER and the crew feel somewhat obligated to carry on with her mission because the Shroud is a double-edged sword. Cere’s hopes of starting her great Jedi legacy have to be put on hold, Merrin’s still worried about her powers because she’s lost and doesn’t know if she’s getting the vengeance she seeks, Greez thinks finally Cal’s going to stop going for bigger and bigger gambles, Cal’s excited to be doing something really important, and BD-1 is happy to see a new world and meet new people. Also, there’s no breaking into anywhere without him, and they need to move fast.

Great, we’ve got our ticking clock – get the Shroud before the Fifth Brother!

However, because the crew’s been run ragged due to being hunted by the Brood for so long, they’re starting to make mistakes and Cal’s taking bigger and bigger risks with little pay out, so the crew goes into the mission at odds with each other. After BD hacks his way into the systems and locates Irei, Merrin gets her to safety. Cal and Greez get hurt when they go up against the Fifth Brother because Cere, convinced she needs to try and save him from the dark side because he too was once a Jedi like Trilla, tries to save him and it backfires horribly. They all manage to escape and get to the Mantis, fall out because they all want different things. They take the time needed to figure that out and reunite, take Irei to Luthen (they get out just in time when the Fifth Brother comes back again), Cal and Merrin fight him off together because Merrin’s got her powers back because she has a purpose again (working for the Rebellion) and off they go to the next adventure.

Your subplots are essentially the same:

Cal wants to stick it to the Empire and help as many people as he can, while keeping his family safe, however he needs to understand that doing this randomly is essentially pointless (which… okay, I have issues with this too but if I go off on that you’re never getting the next chapter of the Big Fic. I’m working with what I got, friends!!!)

BD-1 is just happy to go wherever Cal goes so long as he gets to scan new stuff and slice new systems!

Cere wants to build and protect the Jedi’s legacy by gathering everything she can of their history. She *is* tiring of the seemingly hopeless battle against the Empire and *wants* to put down roots, and she *needs* to be honest with Cal about this (who, once he got over his “you can’t leave me, Cere!” initial reaction would be absolutely fine with this??? HEY, WORKING WITH WHAT I’VE GOT!)

Merrin wants to regain her powers, and she needs to come to terms with the terrible trauma she experienced, but she can do this not through what is ultimately a fling, but by being honest with Cal, Cere, Greez and BD and working through it with her family. You tie it into the plot by having them working for the Rebellion, which means Merrin finally feels a purpose because it’s through the rebels she sees that she’s not the only one who suffered great loss and, like them, she can do something about it. And hey, maybe she hooks up with Irei in a much subtler and less SEXUAL HEAAAAAAAAAAAALING way because she wants to.

Greez wants to stick with his family, but he needs to be honest with Cal and say if they’re going to keep doing this whole kicking it to the Brood and the Empire, they’ve got to be smarter about it.

Basically, by cutting out all the OC bullshit, you focus on the crew we all know and love from Fallen Order without some rando OC being there to FLY THE MANTIS. Get the FUCK out of there! If I didn’t think Fret was a self-insert before, her getting to fly the Mantis sealed it for me.

There is a GOOD CONCEPT buried in the depths of this book. It’s just, y’know, not to my taste.

Alright, I think that does it for now. PHEW! That feels better ^_^

[silence-of-autumn42]

Been playing Jedi Survivor lately, since I burnt myself out on the Gargoyle's Cry warframe event during the first week, and I've only really been playing story stuff for D2, since the Dawning doesn't really do anything for me.

I'm about...I want to say halfway through the main story? I've done the second trip to Jedha, and the big Merrical smooch right before the portal stuff. It's fun so far, although it runs like absolute crap on my computer. I really enjoy the lightsaber customisation options (although I do wish we got the pieces we collected in the first game as options). Slightly disappointed we don't get to look in the other rooms of the Mantis - it seems a little silly that Cal has owned the ship for a few years and still slept in the engine room, but I digress. I like the story, the visuals are great, and it's reaffirmed my attraction to redheads and goth witches, so that's fun. Truly, the game for bisexuals. I will say that I think I prefer the first game still, because I loved the story and planets for that one, they just felt a bit more interesting than the ones in Survivor so far. Maybe it's because so much has been on Jedha, which has appeared a lot in other media? Kashyyk and Dathomir have obviously also appeared a lot in other stuff, but Zeffo and Bogana both seem a lot more...interesting than Koboh and it's moon do. I appreciate the High Republic stuff being included in this game, but I'd be lying if I didn't wish we were getting a bit more Zeffo stuff in this one - some offhand remarks from Cal and Cordova are really the only mention they get.

[kotic-kryptid]

Sneak Peek - Sparring

Saifi, perched atop some of the gym’s equipment, cupped her hands over her mouth.

“Lord Maul wins again!” She shouted. Maul’s lips ticked up further. “Who will defeat our reigning champion?!”

“I’ll do it.” Khara raised her hand. Maul whipped around, his eyes wide. A low “ooh” traveled around their little audience. Khara grinned. “Wanna take me on, pretty boy?”

He rolled his shoulders. Extending one hand, he curled his fingers in. Khara pulled herself up into the ring and ducked under the ropes.

“Lady Khara challenges Lord Maul!” Saifi cried. “Coming in with no formal combat training and an attitude Maul wants to smack out of her, she grabs…”

Khara grabbed two beskar staffs, short and light but longer than her daggers.

“Tandem staffs,” Saifi continues, “to go against Lord Maul’s bo! Will she be able to hold out? Will Lord Maul ever tire?”

“I have tired of your shouting.” He shot back at his little apprentice. Saifi giggled, rocking back on her precarious perch.

Khara couldn’t help but laugh. “Been a while.” She said when she’d gotten it back under control. Maul spun his staff carefully. He nodded. 

Saifi shouted for them to greet their opponents. Khara wasn’t sure what the Mandalorian way was with this. She followed Maul’s lead when he stepped to the center and performed the tiniest bow. She bowed back. When the bell rang, she sprang up to plant a kiss on his cheek, making him freeze just long enough for her to whack him in the ribs.

“Point.” She grinned. He brought his guard up, a faint growl rumbling across the air. “First to ten?”

“Very well.”

“Don’t go easy on me.”

“You will have to make it a challenge, my lady.”

Khara swung the staffs, testing their weight again. Her daggers were one thing. She could call them back without even thinking. She could wear him down with these as well, but using the Force as kinetically as he did required more focus from her. She could only maintain a kinetic connection to what he called the Living Force when she was perfectly calm. This would be a challenge, and a chance to demonstrate her new endurance against the constant battering of Dathomir’s memories.

She lunged in, flipping one staff into a backwards grip. Maul stepped back from her swing, bringing his staff up to block her. The beskar sang loudly, a clear bell that made Khara’s hearts sing. She understood why Mandalorians loved the metal. Maul swept her attack aside easily, bringing his staff into his chest and turning halfway to swing it around her back. She had to twist to block it, but just as quickly he was coming around the other side. He spun the staff like his saber, an extension of his arms that moved independently of his legs sometimes, his body faster and heavier than any opponent of his size Khara had ever fought.

He smacked her back.

“Point.” He said.

She swung up and clipped his shoulder.

“Point.” She panted.

He got her once on her shoulder in return and then again on her calf. He nudged their bond. She opened up. Amusement and pride washed over her through the Force, a joyful invitation that she understood when he flashed a grin at her.

Dance with me, he seemed to say. Play with me.

She laughed breathlessly, throwing off another swipe of his staff. He was going easy on her. But he returned her joy with his own, and she couldn’t find it in herself to call him out. One staff clattered away. She backpedaled as he advanced.

He never seemed to tire. She was flagging already, but she’d lasted longer than she expected. He was driving her toward the ropes. Ducking under his swing, she swiveled on her knees and leapt for her lost staff. She managed a kick at his ankles, using it to propel herself across the floor. Her hand closed around the warmed metal. She rolled at the last second, bringing both up in time to stop his downward swing. He leaned all his weight on her. She shoved hard, tossing him off long enough to scramble to her feet.

He gave her only a second to breathe before closing the gap again. Khara lost herself in the rhythm. All teasing gone now, Maul kept up his blows to keep her in the present, force her to focus on him. They traded blows one after the other, most of them blocked or dodged, a few connecting.

“Nine.” He growled finally, startling her. She jabbed almost reflexively, her fingers digging into his shoulder. He hissed, rearing back.

“Nine.” She counted off her own point. But he was already lunging, sweeping her to the ground again. She let him carry her down, using the momentum of their fall to twist and trap him in her arms. She used one hand to grab his horn and pull his head back. He jabbed back with one elbow just as she brought her other hand around to close around his throat.

“Ten.” They said at the same time. Maul chuckled. Groaning, Khara let him go and flopped onto the mat. In a real fight, Khara had the killing blow. But in a real fight, Maul would have dispatched her by his third move.

“Dammit.” She panted. Maul twisted easily, his hand stopping a hairsbreadth from her throat, the threat clear.

“Eleven. Yield.”

“Dammit!”

He dropped his hands on either side of her head, a grin spreading as he dropped his head and caught his breath. Distantly, Khara realized their audience had grown, that the buzz of noise had crescendoed into a cheer. Saifi was announcing Maul the winner.

“You went easy on me.” Khara said. He flopped over onto his back beside her.

“I am tired, Khara.”

“So you went even easier than normal.”

“I could kill you.” He mumbled.

“And find yourself a new business partner? Too much work.”

He chuckled. He flipped to his feet, and Khara groaned at the fact he still had energy for that. He helped her up, pulling her in just long enough to tap his forehead to hers.

“I’m going into the city tonight.” He whispered. “Come with me.”

“Why?”

“Because I asked.”

[spockandawe]

Man, the biggest disappointment of the clone wars, by far, is how BARELY the clones are even characters. 99 got as many lines as most of the other boys. I was expecting echo to have at least *one* episode between invited to be an arc and being sploded. There's still a few seasons left, but I'm only a few from umbara, which means it's time for hardcase and dogma to get, very possibly, less development than cutup and droidbait. I know the bad batch is going to disappoint me in new and exciting ways, but it's.... very unsettling. The random old jedi dude who helped ahsoka find her lightsaber has gotten show attention leaps and bounds beyond arguably every clone we've met. At a minimum, fives and rex will beat him out eventually, for sure, but they've been around for three whole seasons and are losing, badly, to a one-off rando unaffiliated with any main characters.

Like, I was so excited to meet monnk, and stoked to see it was a three-parter where he was featured, so SURELY-- no. fuck you. if you don't already recognize his armor in murky low light, you don't even get to know if he's talking. I watched one mortis episode and skipped the others, because it was AGONIZINGLY dull and i don't need three episodes to tell me anakin is super powerful and gets dangerously attached to his people. I can't believe we dumped all the dathomir momentum for THAT, and there weren't any clones or zabraks to make things fun

Not that I'm.... unhappy here. I'm just kind of stunned by just how much fandom creators are carrying this franchise on their backs. I would still say it's a good show, but i would be DRASTICALLY less compelled if not for fanfic to expand on all these characters who show up to get a name and die. People clown on cody for barely having a canonical personality, but I'm almost halfway through, and he's got more to him than almost every other clone character 🙃 The most developed clone so far is 99, and that's because he's a clear-cut Tragic Archetype 🙃🙃🙃

Just IMAGINE this show with a more modern form factor, something closer to SU maybe, where you've got a large-scale plot happening, but it's easy to zoom in on tighter episodes as necessary, but ALSO can integrate side characters in little ways to round them out before they're central to the plot. 'But SU has a smaller cast--' COOL then take your notes from transformers! I'd hesitate to say most animated versions do a good job of giving the WHOLE cast balanced attention, but it's still an improvement. Imagine I had some idea of who jesse was before umbara! Or kix! That would be wild! But I think they've had one or two throwaway lines each, and it's such a waste of potential.

[maulish]

Re: An Unwilling Apprentice

Summary: I literally don't give two shits that this piece of poor and inconsistent writing exists because it possesses nothing that manages to undo what hundreds of pages of material have previously convincingly established.

Here's why I hate it:

Star Wars canon is generally sloppy at best and because they flop around making meaningless changes they often undo a great deal of what they have managed to get right originally. This here is no different unfortunately and adds absolutely nothing consequential to Maul's backstory while managing to contradict material that's already incuded into DLF canon. Honestly it's like George Mann couldn't have been bothered to google any of it.

So in An Unwilling Apprentice we learn that uh... Maul is no longer a baby and is conscious of being given away by his "mother". Savage is known to be his older brother in DLF canon so I guess Feral no longer exists...? Or is it Savage that got the boot? Also Talzin gives Maul away for the vague chance of someday being Palpatine's acolyte/apprentice. And let's be clear, not with the knowledge that Palpatine himself will train him. As far as she is aware, she's giving him to someone in the village (Who apparently isn't a Nightbrother or Dathomirian of any kind and just randomly lives on Dathomir? Uh, ok I guess). Even after witnessing Maul being terribly abused by this new "guardian" she told him to never show his face to her again. And although he is at the beginning of the story compared to his brother who was weak in the Force then halfway through the story it's suddenly a shock he has Force abilities that *no one knew about*. Instead of people being aware of his supposed extraordinary strength in the Force as a toddler he is now turned into Harry Potter.

And this story simutaneously insists that Maul is "a child", but also that he explicitly understands Sidious' plans and therefore steps forward in the arena, knowing that Sidious is looking for an apprentice. So it's like they're trying to make him be understood as a child, but simultaneously make him carry the responsibility for what happened to him at every step. Wow, absolutely disgusting.

Once Maul kills his abusers in front of everyone Talzin looks at him "appalled" by his actions. And yet when Sidious picks Maul instead of Talzin as his apprentice, Maul knows Talzin feels nothing for him but the need for vengeance.

So basically the story can't even stay consistent within itself within these few pages. First it can't really establish what it says in the title, because it's written so Maul knowingly seeks to prove himself, once he becomes aware of what's happening. And honestly the whole Talzin as his mother was written so unconvincingly it's as if the author himself vehemently supports the original version himself and wants people to think this story is a bad joke. (Which it is.)

Things already fell apart when they tried to exchange Kycina with Talzin, while not rewriting the rest of Maul's backstory to match the change. It never worked because of the main thing that doesn't add up in the changed version: motivation and stakes.

It's not like the original version is told in great detail, but it's convincing even if only for what we know to be true from other supporting sources. Kycina gives up her son because it's Maul's best and maybe only chance of survival. Maul is a Nightbrother, his father was killed as per tradition before he was born and the same fate would await him if he ever fathered any children of his own. Outside of that he would have served the purposes of a slave and fighter. Which Kycina is shown to acknowledge, especially as she knows it's a fate that will await Maul's twin.

It's obvious Kycina didn't know what she was risking by offering Maul up to Palpatine in particular, as the latter would not be revealed as Sidious for decades to come, as even the most powerful Jedi couldn't detect him as a Sith lord.

With the knowledge she had in that moment, from Kycina's POV it made every sense to offer the child to Palpatine for the sake of her child's chances of survival. She wasn't giving away any child, but one that was exceptionally strong in the Force. This means that she would have sought out another Force user who could offer him guidance in harnessing his powers, but also made it a time-sensitive matter as she wouldn't have been able to keep Talzin from detecting him.

Conclusion: I reject this story in its entirety. It not only contradicts itself, but DLF would have to scrap the entire TCW series to make this plausible from a continuity perspective. Which, let's face it they don't care about much.

[jolinar]

A Very Star Wars Fictober, Day 3!

Prompt number: #3 “you did this?” from @fictober-event

Fandom: Star Wars 

Rating: Teen and up

Warnings/Tags: Awkward teenage romance, Jedi Fallen Order spoilers

Word Count: 1,127

Summary: I’m not saying that asking about a girl’s family is how you get married on Dathomir, but I for one am very happy for Merrin and her new Jedi Husband.(ft. BD-1 as the best wingman (until he isn’t), Greez being cranky, and Cere just wanting to read a book in peace.)

Read it on Ao3

—

“Wait, you did this?” 

“Cal Kestis. I am sitting here, in front of a painting, holding a paintbrush. So I think the easy answer would be, yes, I did this.” Merrin replied, raising both eyebrows at him as though concerned for his sanity.

From across the tiny lounge, Cere snorted with laughter. She shook her head without looking up and swiped to turn the page on her tablet. Cal ignored her. 

Merrin was, indeed, holding a paintbrush. A newly completed painting and a tray of colors were propped precariously on the low table in front of her. The painting was of three women, but done in an impressionist style rather than realistic like a photo. It seemed odd at first, but the more Cal looked at it, the more it captivated him. This style gave the illusion of motion and life so that the women in the painting seemed to breathe. It was as though he was looking through a window and caught them mid-conversation; any moment they’d look up and see him. 

“It’s…” 

“Not very good, I know,” Merrin finished for him. 

“No, it’s great!” Cal said hurriedly. “It’s really good! I could never make something like that.”

Merrin sniffed in disbelief. “Of course you could.”

“I couldn’t. Jedi training didn’t involve much art, so I never learned.” Suddenly, a thought occurred to him: “Hey! Maybe you could –”

“You don’t want me to teach you,” Merrin said, shaking her head.  

“No, I do. I really do.” 

Merrin looked up, eyes searching his face. What she saw there, he didn’t know, but apparently, he passed whatever test it was because suddenly she was moving over to make room for him. 

“Alright, sit down. What do you want to paint?”

“Uhh…” Honestly, Cal had not thought that far ahead. BD-1 chirped helpfully from his shoulder and Cal grinned. “Good idea, buddy!” he pointed to the flowers nearby, sitting in their lit terrarium. “Can I start with something like the plants?” 

This appeared to be a good answer, as Merrin nodded. He shot BD-1 a grateful smile and the little droid trilled happily.

“That is a good idea. Start simple with something in front of you. Pick just one of the flowers and, here –” she pulled out a piece of paper from her stack and placed it in front of him. Then she pushed a stylus into his hand.

“Now, sketch it.”

Never had a blank page been more intimidating. He had no idea where to start. He snuck a sideways glance at BD-1, who hopped obediently off his shoulder and onto the table below. BD-1 looked at the page, then back at Cal before bobbing up and down in a little shrug. Suggesting a subject seemed to be the limit of the little droid’s help. Meanwhile, Merrin was looking at him expectantly. 

“But how do I do that, exactly? I can’t just…draw it,“ he said.

“Do all Jedi give up so easily?” Merrin wondered aloud. He felt his ears turning red. 

“If you don’t want –” he started to get up, but she pulled him back with a gentle hand. 

“Sit down. Okay. Everything is made up of shapes. Look at the watering can on the bench, it’s actually a cylinder and a triangle joined together –”

“I know the witch isn’t touching my hydroponics back there!” Greez shouted from the cockpit. 

“It’s Nightsister,” Merrin called back to him without turning. “And shouldn’t you be flying the ship?” 

“So it’s about seeing things not just by what they are, but by what makes them up?” Cal asked quickly, cutting off further protests from Greez. “Like, their energy?”

“Exactly!” Merrin said happily, “I knew you would get it. And for us – people from Dathomir, I mean - when we paint we think not just about the shapes that make them up, but the actions that brought them there. When you are painting a warrior,” she gestured down at her work, “you are not just painting the woman.”

“You’re not?”

“No,” Merrin replied, as though the question was elementary. “You’re painting everything that brought her there. You must hold it in your head when you paint. It is the only way it will be a true painting. We are, all of us, made up of the collective choices of ourselves and our ancestors.”

“So when you paint them like that…you’re always connected to them?”

“Yes. Even when they’re far away, or gone.” She said this with a note of sadness in her voice, looking down. He followed her gaze back to the figures on the paper. It dawned on him that this was more than just a painting of some random Nighsisters. They were Merrin’s family.

“Tell me about them?” Cal asked, nodding down at the painting. 

Merrin stiffened and withdrew back into the couch. “I was a child when they died. There is so much I don’t remember, so many things I never got to learn.”

“Tell me about them, please?” Cal asked again, gently. He leaned forward, meeting her halfway. She warmed and sat up again. On an impulse, he reached out and put his hand over hers. Unlike the other times they’d touched, which had been fleeting, she didn’t move away. Instead, she smiled at him and he felt his stomach flop over. 

“A-hem.”

Their hands flew apart as Cere cleared her throat. She rose from her spot on the couch and, without looking at either of them, walked out towards the cockpit. As an afterthought, she doubled back, scooped up a protesting BD-1, and carried him away as well. Cal watched them go out of the corner of his eye, but Merrin’s gaze never left his face.

“Do you really want to hear about my sisters?” she asked quietly, once Cere had gone. 

Cal took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts. Talking to Merrin was a little like scaling the ice walls on Ilum. Each movement was a gamble…would he gain a foothold, or would he overreach and fall to the bottom again? Other than what he’d learned on Dathomir, Cal knew nothing about Merrin’s life. And though he hadn’t put it to words yet, he found that he did want to know what had brought her here. Like the painting, it was the only way to know the true Merrin. He looked up at her again and found her still staring at him, her dark eyes wary, waiting for an answer.

“Yes, I do.“

Merrin nodded sharply, face set, as though a decision had just been made. She looked so intense, he thought at first he’d done something wrong. But then she reached over and, much to his surprise, closed her hand around his own and squeezed.

“Cal, I will tell you about my sisters. And then you will tell me about your family, the Jedi.”

“I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

[chubbyooo]

A Recipe for Disaster: A Blurred Lines Spinoff Chapter 8 - Disaster

Hey all I’m still in writing mode so here’s the end of the spinoff and it’s supercharged Gacen emotions time

Gacen races his way to try and save Nox from the carbonite while Vaylin gives pursuit

Gacen hyperventilated as he looked back on the door that just closed, he had just left Kavaraa out there with that woman, what was he supposed to do now? he was just a guy. He felt like his throat was closing up as he looked down the corridors; he had absolutely no idea where he was going, he held his head trying to quell the dizzy spell he was feeling. 

He closed his eyes and tried and tried to calm down but dread began to overtake him, suddenly he heard a loud crash against the door behind him he hadn’t got long. Kavaraa was pretty powerful but that woman seemed so unhinged, he sprinted down the corner just hoping to find his way to wherever his sister was kept.

He stumbled to a stop at a crossroads unsure of which way to go one way was clear and small and the other was full of skytroopers, Gacen swallowed hard knowing she would more likely be kept with many many guards. Gacen held the necklace for a second and summed up all his courage. 

https://open.spotify.com/track/5A8jUZatix87xG0Zj6HSKG?si=r3O_iOWcSZSAy-bgbCMGvQ

He drew his blaster quickly shooting into the crowd of droids, each shot going straight through the head causing them to crumple to the ground. As long as they didn’t overwhelm him he could do this he could be courageous and heroic maybe he could? Hopefully he could. He sprinted down the corridor throwing an ion grenade to the other end of the corridor where a multitude of skytroopers were gathering, he stumbled out of the way down another corridor as the grenade went off hoping the corridor would lead him somewhere.

He ran to the end of it and was met with a room full to the brim with all sorts of weapons all looking ancient and in some pompous guys eyes “priceless”, Gacen dove behind a case containing some kind of large spear. He began to sneak his way to the end of the room as Skytroopers flooded into the room, he got about halfway before he had to stop to catch his breath.

He was so in over his head he slumped back against a case as he began to hyperventilate, he whispered to himself “I can’t do this… I can’t” but then he thought of everyone who was counting on him, he promised Risha he’d be back he had to do this. 

At that moment he heard a loud crash and a scream echo through the chamber, that woman was looking for him again he had to run now. Gacen looked around the room noticing a large ancient looking siege weapon hanging from the ceiling he smiled... perfect, he flung himself backward sliding across the floor and as he did lined up a shot taking out two of its supports. He quickly jumped up and ran to the door as the skytroopers rained blaster fire in his direction, no time to check if his plan had worked he sprinted out of the room as a blaster bolt caught him in the shoulder.

He screamed out a string of profanities before sliding round a corner he had to work out where he was going, he found a council and tried his best to find an easy access map. It turned out this was an air conditioning terminal but there seemed to be an awful lot of power given to one room and it was close by, surely a carbonite person would need a lot of air stuff right.

Even if he wasn’t an air scientists it was worth a shot he ran towards it as the voice of the woman echoed through the chamber “you can’t hide forever little zabrak, I have your jedi friend and I don’t know if I’ll follow Arcann’s instructions to ‘keep her alive’ if you don’t show yourself” Gacen swallowed hard this was so fucked up how was he supposed to choose. However the woman probably wouldn’t go by her word based on her anger he had more chance following the plan, he spun round the next corner and ran towards the room he suspected contained Nox.

He burst into it and stopped dead as he saw the still frozen form of his little sister Kyradia, her face was racked with anger but as soon as he saw her it was like he was back with her on dathomir. He stood still for a few seconds unsure of what to do. He hadn't seen his sister nearly ten years but he could hear the footsteps approaching. He had to move, he dashed over to a nearby console unsure of what to do. 

He looked over the console and recognised it, being friends with a bounty hunter makes you a little familiar with carbonite freezers,he reached for the buttons but as he was about to hit the switch he felt his hand pulled back and held in place as he pushed to try and press the button. 

 No no no no no he felt himself lifted off the ground by the neck as the venomous voice spoke from behind him “I don’t think so zabrak” Gacen began to hyperventilate no no no he’d failed he was so close he maybe could’ve made things right. He was turned around to see the woman standing there snarl on her face with Kavaraa unconscious in her grip “we still need your precious outlander and I am not going to let you take it from us”

Gacen struggled in the grip as he felt tears begin to streak down his face “please no please you don’t understand I have to save her” she almost seemed to revel in his pleading her smile only broadening “s-she’s my little sister she doesn’t deserve this it’s n- not her f-fault” for a second Gacen thought he saw a break in the snarl but then seconds later it returned as her grip tightened on Gacen

She laughed “you’re pathetic you know that, you can’t save her we’re long past that, maybe you should’ve done it when you had the chance” Gacen was surprised she kinda had a point “to think you got this far to ‘avoid martyrs’ if it were up to me you’d both already be dead” Gacen looked from her to Kavaraa what did that mean “but then again breaking the republic is much more fun than conquering it” Gacen struggled in her grip trying desperately to reach out to his sister but he’d never been gifted that way. 

He felt her grip tighten and his vision began to fade to black…

later…

Gacen woke from that reoccurring nightmare, a day he’d replayed every day in his mind since it had happened, he’d gotten so close to saving Kyradia but really they had never been close at all. It had all been a plot to eliminate the republic and empire heroes to break their spirit and they’d fallen right into it, he looked around the bare cell he had been in for some amount of time. It felt like it’d been years but he couldn’t tell anymore he hadn’t seen a person since that day and it was starting to get to him, he had no idea where Ash and Kavaraa were or if they were even alive.

But he was more worried about the two women he’d let down, once again he’d let down his sister and failed to make things right but what was so much worse than that was he failed Risha. She was probably furious at him; he'd broken his promise and left her alone, he knew he was going to mess up sooner or later he’d messed up every relationship he’d had in his life. 

Still he missed it and her, she deserved an explanation so he was going to give it to her whether she ever saw it or not…

https://open.spotify.com/track/652zwAiP1Wdy39NY8DSMu5?si=Lhqqub2eRo-ADoXJOCnA9g

Dear Risha…

First of all you were right and I was wrong, I got captured like a dumbass and I broke my promise feel free to lord that over me til the end of time, I'm so sorry I’m such an idiot and should’ve listened to you. The truth is this happens to everyone I get close to, they fall for my facade of charm and think they know me but eventually the same thing happens I end up hurting them and then they truly know me. I knew I only would have so long before I hurt you too, I really hoped we’d have a few more years but it was fun while it lasted right?

But that’s not what this is for I said I was going to explain why I had to go to you and I will because you deserve at least that.

When I was young I lived in a small tribal village with my mother and my sister Kyradia, when we were very young my mom died so it was up to me to look after my sis. I did my best but I was still a child too so messed up a lot, every now and again though some of the other more powerful tribes would come by and they would demand a child with potential. I never knew what that meant but when it happened I had always kept Kyradia hidden as she’d always shown ‘potential’ whatever that means. But she was getting older and I hoped she could be responsible for herself so I let her look after herself a bit more, but then they came again and they were extremely thorough on wanting the best, I don’t know where they found her but clearly she wasn’t hidden enough. 

I had left her on her own and before I even knew they were there they had taken her, I immediately set out to try and free her but before I could she had freed herself, come back and somehow started defending the town.

She was different though it was very clear she was tougher and crueler she wasn’t the whimsical little sister I’d known, she’d never wanted to lead but suddenly she was in charge of the village regardless of her ideas.  If I’d just been there that day none of this would’ve happened I messed up and I hurt her irreversibly

After that our village and many in the area were attacked by slavers, my sister tried to fend them off but they were much more advanced than we ever were. They took the whole village and me and my sis were separated, from there you know the rest. I stole a ship, crashed it into an orbital station and stowed away on our ship classic pirates life stuff, it wasn’t until recently I realised Nox was Kyradia and when I did I just didn’t know what to do. I already had you guys and I didn’t want to jeopardise that but as Nox she had just become crueler and crueler I felt like I was responsible for all the hurt.

I guess I figured if I went to save her I could cross out all the damage I’d done, I wasn’t strong enough to keep her from the sisters and I wasn’t strong enough to save her from slavers, maybe I was a fool to think I was strong enough to save her from this. I’m just a weak guy who runs as fast as I can to avoid looking at all the people I’ve hurt and I’m really sorry I added you to that list Rish. 

I will always love you and I’m sorry if you can’t forgive me

Your stupid Dumbass 

Gacen…

[mara-tevith-solo]

Real Funny - part 1

Something I’ve been slow cooking for a few years, a little all over the place. Some plot pieces aren’t mine, just something I played with.

Trigger Warning; Contains swearing, violence, mentions of nudity

The battle for Dathomir was beyond ridiculous. The Separatists had decided that they really wanted the planet, and both the Nightsisters and Nightbrothers had decided to remain neutral in the fight for their own planet. So, we had to fight for the planet, for them. "Can't wait to get off this rock." Hardcase groused, coming up to my perch during a quiet period between waves.

I kept my eyes out for droids, it being my job, as a sniper, to remain as a lookout while everyone rested "You and me both, vod. Sooner we get off this shit hole and back to hot water, the better." I agreed jokingly, narrowing my eyes at any movement. 

"I forgot, you can't maintain body temperature very well." He chuckled, bumping my ribs gently as though to goad me. While it was true that I used hot water to warm up quickly, I could maintain body temperature decently enough. 

"Dickhead." I laughed as I nudged him towards the edge of the branch slightly.

"You know you love me." He winked when I did finally look at him.

I fixed him with a deadpan and paused for a few moments "Let me get back to you on that." Laughter roared from other vode that were sitting at the base of the tree. He made a funny face at me before I turned away in time to see a green mist approaching "Incoming!" I shouted, alerting the generals. Before anyone could do anything, it smacked Hardcase square in the face, seeming to enter through his ears, eyes, and mouth. He coughed and waved it away before it disappeared. He climbed down the tree to go see the generals and I stayed in my perch until relieved. Boy, was I in for a shock. 

"Go see the generals." Was all my replacement said as he settled in on the other side of me, getting comfortable for a long shift. The entire way down the tree and to the command tent, I thought I had done something very wrong and my commander didn't want to even deal with me. 

"You wanted to see me, Generals?" I asked shyly as soon as I entered, focusing on them instead of what was on the table behind them. 

"Yes Val, it seems that we are in need of some... special assistance..." General Kenobi admitted, looking a bit shamefaced as he blushed and clasped his hands behind his back.

I looked between he, Skywalker, and Plo Koon before finally looking down at the table... and burst out laughing "Sergeant Val, this is serious." Plo reminded me, seeming to be more concerned for his tiny commander than angry at me.

"I'm sorry sirs. It's just... Oh my god!" I couldn't stop laughing as the tiny Wolffe and Dogma both glared at me. 

"Laugh it up, Jerkface." Hardcase squeaked, his voice high pitched because of how small he was. It only made me laugh harder until I had to stand with my hands on my knees.

"We need you to take care of them until we return from the Nightsisters. It is highly contagious to other clones, so don't let them touch anyone." Skywalker instructed once I had calmed enough.

"O-of course sir." I giggled, unclipping my helmet from my belt and holding it next to the table "All aboard the Helmet Express." I snickered, earning more glares from Wolffe before he jumped in. Jesse, Rex, Cody, Kix, Dogma, Tup, and Hardcase followed soon after. The Generals left soon after and I left the tent, holding my helmet close to my chest so that the boys all had a solid support system as they all leaned over the edge to watch where we were going from their new perspective. 

"Can I get out of the helmet?" Tup asked politely, his squeak making my grin reappear.

"Sure. But go anywhere perverted and I'll rip you a new one when you get back to normal size." I warned as he started climbing up the armor on my arm. They all followed suit except for Commander Cody. Cody, being the Extra little shithead he was, decided that he wanted to take a nap on my head... tied in some of my loose hairs. That didn't feel weird at all. 

"Woahahahaha!!!" Jesse and Hardcase laughed, enjoying the wind that was generated by my walking while Captain Rex stayed on my forearms, arms and legs crossed as he leisurely watched the base go by.

"You boys hungry?" I asked, knowing that I surely was. Everyone except Cody made sounds of affirmation. Cody was vibrating slightly in a rhythm... I think he was asleep... So, I got us all a tray, earning strange looks from other troopers as they passed, and sat at the very furthest corner of the furthest table with my back to a tent wall. I kept my head steady for Cody as the others gathered around the tray and ate their fills, watching the others in the tent as they stared and whispered.

"Val." Came the warm voice of Commander Tano as she entered the tent, her hands cupped to her middle. She came over quickly, seeming concerned about the clones around the tray and whatever was in her hands. She took a seat next to me and opened her hands on the table, revealing an unconscious Fives who was curled in a shivering ball. "I found him after the Generals left. He won't wake up." 

She kept him in her hands as Kix checked him over "His body is in shut down because of how cold he is. If we don't get him warm, he may die."

"Everyone in the helmet." I instructed, gently taking Fives from Ahsoka and keeping him close to my middle. Everyone did as instructed before I stood and quickly made my way to my tent where we'd be able to stay warm for the night. Night time on Dathomir was cold enough for someone my size, I couldn't imagine how bad it was for someone who was about six inches tall. Once inside, I poked Cody awake as Kix and Rex got Fives out of his armor as the others made a sleeping space for themselves. Once he was out of my hair, literally, I took off my torso armor and rolled up my blacks top so that my midriff was showing. I kept Fives tucked close as we all laid down, thankful that the two had left him in his blacks. Kix sat close to him as he shivered harder than I've ever felt anyone shiver. "Do you think he'll make it?" I whispered softly, not wanting to disturb the clones that decided that they wanted to sleep close to their sick brother as well. 

He watched Fives for a few minutes before answering "We're made out of tough stuff." He himself didn't seem so convinced. 

"Get some sleep Kix, I've got him." I assured, moving a corner of blanket over my torso and gently pushing him down against the crook of my elbow, tucking him in with some of the corner. 

"No, I'm the medic." He tried to argue, yawning widely as he tried to push himself up.

"Even medics need sleep, Kixy." I smiled warmly. Not even a minute later, he was snoring away. It took some time, but eventually, Fives stopped shivering and spread out on the exposed flesh of my torso, relaxing and falling into a more deep sleep. I too fell asleep, assured that he wasn't in anymore danger. When morning came, Hardcase and Jesse were practically jumping on my chest to wake me up faster while the others were talking amongst themselves. Fives was still laying in his spot, awake and grinning like an idiot. 

I rolled my eyes and shooed the other two before sitting up "Hey." Fives winked.

I raised my brow at him "Kix, your patient is awake." I said flatly, putting Fives on the bedroll as I stood with a stretch and put on my armor. "Dogma, wanna help me with patrols?" I asked, knowing it would annoy a certain three. 

"I wanna help too!" Tup piped up, jumping to get my attention as I fixed my hair. 

"Ok vod, you can help too." I chuckled before picking up the helmet everyone was waiting in and leaving to find Ahsoka. "Can you watch them for a little bit? I have patrol duty until oh seven." I asked, making sure to make it seem like she was helping me a lot. 

"Of course." She chirped, grinning broadly as she took the helmet, letting me scoop up Dogma and Tup before thanking her and moving along with my job. 

It was a pretty boring two hours to be certain. "Val, come in." General Kenobi's voice came over the comms on my left arm.

"Here, sir." I answered, making our way to find Ahsoka and the others.

"Can you bring all of the effected clones to the coordinates I'm sending you?" He asked just as they popped up on the little screen.

"Of course sir. We should be there within an hour." I promised before the comm was disconnected. I wasted no time in finding Ahsoka and then rushing off to the point Obi-wan sent to me. "You know, I'll miss ya'll being this small and cute." I teased when we were halfway there.

"Hey, most of us are cute when normal sized. No offense, Fives." Jesse pipped jokingly as the others chuckled.

"Hey!" Fives cried indignantly. 

"At least I'm the cutest!" Hardcase laughed, earning a few 'ya rights' and a 'you dwang!' from the others. I just laughed, shaking my head as I entered the old fortress built into the mountain side, watching the Nightsisters I passed warily, clutching my helmet tighter. They all watched me with the same degree of wariness, even when I passed through the doors and came to a stop in front of the Generals and the Nightmother. I bowed to all of them, careful of Cody who seemed to have an obsession with my hair.

"Right this way." The Nightmother said in the two toned voice, giving a flourish of her arm as she turned to lead us further into the fortress. It wasn't long until we were at a pool with other Nightsisters gathered around it "Put them into the water." She instructed. I did as she asked gently, even taking Cody out of my hair at the cost of a few strands because he had become tangled. When they were all in the water, waiting patiently, I stepped back next to General Kenobi, who looked up to NO GOOD. The Nightmother and the Nightsisters chanted and seemed to dance with bowls of green liquid as that green fog wrapped around the boys in the water. The fog got so thick in the room after a few minutes, we couldn't see anything until the boys stepped close to us, all back to their proper size. Hardcase was twitching like a tweeker because he wanted to hug me but couldn't, because of the Generals. 

[aterabyte]

Rating Fallen Order Bosses from Easiest to Hardest for Me, Personally (Except the Albino Spider thingy because I never fought that)

Beware of spoilers and longwindedness below the cut. 

12. AT-ST; this was by far the easiest boss. It took me a while to whittle down, but I don’t believe I even needed to use a stim. It was just parry until it’s stunned, run in and slash, roll away from the grenades, force push the missile, and repeat. No trouble at all. Granted, it was to introduce a recurring enemy (albeit a rare one), but I think it would’ve been served better as a more dangerous modified AT-ST of some sort (perhaps with a stomp attack?), with regular ones appearing later as degraded bosses with fewer features.

11. Security Droid; another boss fight to introduce a new enemy, and only slightly more dangerous than the last. It had tight confines that made the droid hypothetically dangerous, given its long ranged melee attacks and high damage, but the droid was ultimately far less threat than many droids that appeared later on due to being fought alone. I’m not sure it even brought me to half health on my first stim pack. 

10. Arena Bounty Hunter; Ding, mine was called. She caught me by surprise during the ambush and stunned me without me landing a single blow, and when I finally got to the arena and got my lightsaber back, I had an infuriatingly tough fight--I think I must have died three or four times. The last death was right after I reached her with about half my health left and no stims--but then when I got to come back in at full health with no beasts to fight, she was pathetically easy. She mostly attacks with blaster fire, which can be easily parried. Every once in a while, she’ll fire a missile or strafe you with a flamethrower, but these are easily avoided. The only time she even damaged me in our second fight was when I got greedy and didn’t roll away in time after landing a lightsaber combo, and she hit me with her flamethrower. 

9. Nydak Alpha; this one took some time for me to figure out as I’d spent most of Dathomir avoiding the Lesser Nydaks. Because of this, I died once when I had almost killed it. When I came back, however, it was just a matter of patience and diligence, dodging its unblockable lunge and then parrying its three-hit combo to get a few good hits in. Rinse, repeat. 

8. Second Sister; by far the easiest melee-focused humanoid enemy in the game. She has an impressively varied set of combos and some good range, but her attacks are easily parried, and her unblockables are not only easily dodged, but leave her very vulnerable. Not only that, but the fight ends at half health, so she doesn’t last very long. Unlike the previous two entries, she didn’t even kill me--but at the same time, the last two were mostly circumstantial losses, and she got a number of good licks in due to her sheer variety. 

7. Gorgara; This oversized bat seemed at first like it would be a terrifying foe. Its very early first phase is easy, with just a couple of heavily telegraphed unblockable that let you land several hits, followed by an opportunity to Force Pull it to the ground and hit is head for massive damage. After you do that, though, it takes to the air and starts hitting you when sonic strafing runs, then charge attacks, then ground pounds that make a shockwave like the last two bosses. For all its variety, though, this boss fight is clearly a power fantasy more than anything. Its attacks are easily avoided and it takes little damage to bring down for its size. 

6. Taron Malicos; Essentially a better version of Second Sister in every way, and the first boss I’d say gave me serious trouble as a lone enemy against a full-health Cal. He starts off with some easily-parried lightsaber combos, but those combos quickly cease to be easily-parried once he starts mixing in his unblockables. Malicos is an extremely technical fighter who will often take a parry, then bounce back with an unblockable--or throw his lightsaber at you several times in a row, then toss one into the air out of your sight to pull in back down at you while you’re dueling him, or just pick rocks out of the air and throw them. Lucky you, Merrin will come in and start helping you halfway through the fight, hitting him with magic at various points that drops his stamina. He didn’t quite kill me, but he got me within a single hit of death, which was impressive since I had six stim packs at this point and a badass magic lady teleporting in and out of the fray. 

Honorable Mention. Electrobaton Purge Troopers; these guys are actually just regular enemies, but you could be forgiven for thinking otherwise. The first time I encountered one, he killed me with almost no damage taken because of his absurdly fast combos that stunlock you into taking several more hits if you don’t block or parry the first blow--and then killed me two or three more times for good measure. These guys also have an unblockable at the end of their main combo, which catches you by surprise at first. And if you don’t parry before attacking and instead just block then dodge, they also tend to, instead of blocking and letting you take down a chunk of their stamina meter, dodge your attack and throw a weird jumping attack out of nowhere. Plus, they tend to come in areas where you can’t Force Push them off the ledge, at least after you unlock the upgrade that makes your pushes strong enough to affect them. Even at the end of the game, one of them came in with a couple scout troopers and took two of my stim packs, which was absurd since I was tearing through every other regular enemy in the Fortress Inquisitorius with ease. Fuck these guys.

5. Oggdo Boggdo; Oggdo Boggdo was an interesting one. The earliest miniboss in the game, encounterable in the first hour to hour and a half. If I’d come back and killed it later, I likely wouldn’t have struggled at all. Fighting it as early as I did, however, I only had a single lightsaber blade, one force power (which didn’t even work right, because if you Slow its tongue and try to hit it, your blade goes right through) and little enough health that it could kill me in two hits even after I lowered the difficulty to normal for the only time in the game. Even after doing so, I had to drop down from above and cut off a quarter of its health, and it still brought me to almost no HP. Oggdo Boggdo may not have been that dangerous in reality, but with how early I faced it, it earned a solid place just just inside the top 5.

4. Haxian Brood Droid and Bounty Hunter; of the randomly-generated miniboss ambushes, this was the only kind I ever encounter, and it was a doozy. Both enemies are unthreatening on their own--the Bounty Hunter is identical to the one in the arena, and while the droid has long range and mostly unblockable attacks, it’s also slow and easily avoided. The problem is that this is a very good combination. The Bounty Hunter tends to stay in the air, and it’s a lot harder to deflect her charged shot and bring her down when you have a Droid named Chonk or whatever pummeling you. Conversely, if you try to focus on the Droid, you get pelted with annoying lasers and stunned with missiles. Of the four times one of these pairs showed up, the only one I actually killed was on Kashyyyk,  where the Bounty Hunter got stuck in an infinite walk cycle and couldn’t move or attack unless I came close, allowing me to whittle down the, on its own, pathetically easy Droid. This pair is perhaps the greatest example of enemies being more than the sum of their parts. 

3. Rabid Jotaz; Funny enough, I never actually killed this thing. I went to face it immediately after getting the scomplink, died three or four times, and then gave up. I’m confident I could have killed it if I’d faced it a little later, but at that point in the game, this simple enemy was too much. Its attacks have wide arcs and obvious tells and are easily dodged in theory, and its health was pitiful for its massive size, but the Rabid Jotaz had one big advantage--a tiny arena. Seriously, the arena was a claustrophobic circle maybe two and a half times its armspan in diameter. It didn’t matter how slow the thing was when there was no room to go anywhere and its unblockable swept across half the room. It would’ve been much easier, I think, had I come back to kill it later on but I hate backtracking, so it gets a spot in the top three. 

2. Trilla Suderi; Trilla has an absurdly varied moveset. Even right off the bat, she likes to throw two different combos with multiple variations on how they can end, sometimes leading into each other, sometimes leading into a weird spinny move, sometimes leading into a jumping downward stab. Of course, that’s nothing compared to the shockwave she has. It’s like Ninth Sister’s where she’ll smash her hand into the ground after a short windup and send a wave of force bullshit you have to jump. The thing is, she likes to throw it at two inconvenient times. One, right after she summons an annoying probe droid to distract and stagger you, and two, when you’re at point blank range and have no time to dodge. She also has absurd range, blinking across the entire large arena in a matter of moments, which is bad enough when she’s throwing an unblockable lightsaber attack, but is even worse when she’s throwing her most infuriating attack of all. She’ll lunge at you, grab you by the face, and suck out both your health and, for good measure, your Force meter. The only saving grace is that is has a generous windup time. 

With all that, why’s she only number 2? Well, she’s sloppy. I had a hard time whittling down her block meter because so many of the attacks she does will let you just hit her health directly and take off a good chunk. Plus, after my first death I started using a fun tactic where I’d run in, spam Force Push to drop her Stamina, hit her to regain my Force meter along with the experience she stole, then use a dual lightsaber attack for massive damage, dropping somewhere close to a fifth of her HP in one fell swoop. Plus, her attacks are mostly easily blocked or dodged. She killed me five times, but it was always because she either used her OHKO suck-yer-brains-out move, or because she summoned a Probe Droid that staggered me at critical moments before I could kill it. With all that, it was very satisfying that I beat her by throwing her own exploding probe droid into her. 

1. Ninth Sister; she killed me a whopping twelve times. Like, seriously; this lady did not play around. Her first phase, when she’s using just one blade, is simple. Parry, parry, dodge to the side to avoid the unblockable stab when she Force Pulls you in, don’t get hit by the overhead jumping swing. You can deal good damage to her with the openings she leaves, but she’s still more defensive than Trilla despite her brutish style, and she has health befitting her stature. Still, the first phase poses no threat. Then, she activates the other blade on her lightsaber and becomes a lot tougher. 

Noticeably, she has several more special moves. She’ll do a shoulder charge that’s pretty easy to avoid, but once her health gets down to about a third, she’ll throw in a second charge, which caught me off guard sometimes even when I was expecting it. She has an unblockable spinning blade attack, which is easy to avoid but does massive damage, and she has a ground slam like Trilla--but easier to evade because she always creates distance before doing it. My big struggle was the simpler part. Her combos are faster and last longer, she seems harder to land hits on, she pulls switcharoos with similar-looking attacks that turn out to be unblockables, and her stab seems to have less windup time, making it a far more dangerous attack than in the first phase. For all the fanciness that she adds, it’s mostly easily avoided. What got me was just the regular attacks, and that damnable stab. With this, the Ninth Sister of the Inquisitorious takes the #1 spot. 

[pomodoriyum]

I wish you would write a fic where... Obi-Wan and Maul go to Ilum to find his/thier kyber crystals? (Is this Jedi!Maul? Does Qui-Gon take them? Or maybe they're adults but Maul is finally giving up his red blade and needs a new crystal? Endless possibilities)

@the-son-of-dathomir here u go! thanks for the ask!

 Tbh i got tired when i was writing this, so it 100% peters off at the end and i apologize for that

This is set in an AU where Maul is unable to defeat Obi-wan and Qui-gon on Naboo, and escapes down the reactor shaft.  He isn’t as gravely injured this time.

After the disaster on Naboo, Maul needed to replace his saber’s crystal.  The delicate stone had been fractured– not irreparably so, but the Zabrak needed time to center himself before facing his Master.  And so, he found himself on the frozen planet of Ilum, shivering in his cloak and cursing into his fist as he attempted to patch one of the vital wires in his ship’s navigation system, which had been damaged when the hull’d was breached by a meteor during reentry.  Maul was angry about the repair, especially since meteors shouldn’t bust the metal of a hull, any hull, dammit!  But, Maul supposed that the hull could’ve been weakened by previous blaster fire.  He’d lifted it off of some pirates, and so he didn’t know its history.

My oversight was that I didn’t check it carefully when I first stole it.  Then I would have reinforced the hull and avoided this damn problem in the first place.  

In the twenty minutes it took Maul to solder the hull shut (a patch, for now– he’d fix it properly later), his proximity sensors went off, signalling that something large and metal and heavy was in the nearby area.  Maul hissed.  It’s a practically abandoned planet.  Why would anyone come here…? Unless…

Maul sat on the floor of the ship (cloaking devices running, of course) and closed his eyes.  Within seconds, the Force opened up to his mind’s eye: cloudy and tumultuous.  Maul felt along, quietly, extending the Force around him like a cold blanket, pushing it in a thin layer around his ship until–

A bright light, like a flickering candle, at the edge of his vision, sitting in the cockpit of a small ship. Jedi!  Maul retracted himself immediately, lest he be sensed.  ….And it is a familiar Jedi, too.  Maul swallowed down his impatient anger.  It is the same Jedi from Naboo…the younger one.  I’d have killed him if he hadn’t been protected by the older one.

Maul thought back to the fight, and the vertical slash along his leg that the Jedi had inflicted.  Shame flooded through him.  I can’t believe I allowed that. Then rage.  How dare they even touch me!!

The Zabrak stood, hand curling into a fist.  I will kill him where he stands.

—

The storm only worsened as Maul lay in wait.  He was cold, even huddled as he was on the inside of the cave.  It took a long time for the Jedi to appear, and for a time, Maul worried that he wasn’t cloaking his presence adequately (although it was one of the first things he learned, to escape Sidious’s notice.  Not that he ever succeeded).  Finally, the Jedi appeared, bedraggled and wet with snow.  His breath appeared white in the cave’s chilly air.  Maul grinned.  You will be mine soon.

The padawan took a deep breath.  Maul could feel his Force signature settle, and then sharpen, bright like a sun.  …That does not bode well.  Perhaps he is searching for a crystal…? …He could have felt me…

But the Jedi passed Maul by.  The Zabrak had no idea why he stopped from pouncing on the padawan– maybe it was the growing sense of curiosity, or the gracefulness of the Jedi’s step, or that Maul wanted to kill him in a proper battle.

The padawan did not go far before he touched one of the green stones glowing in the rock.  “Hm,” he said, low and relaxed.

Maul edged forwards.  I ought to kill him now.  His back is to me.  Slowly, silently, the Zabrak reached for his knife.

“I know you’re there.”

Maul froze, hand halfway to his blade.  My prey has never noticed me before.  What did I do wrong?

“Come on out, whoever you are.”  The padawan’s voice sounded too bold, like a frail child trying to be bigger than they are.

Maul cocked his head to the side.  So he does not recognize me.  He took a step forward, out from the shadows and into the dim glow of the crystals.  I’ll play his game.  The Zabrak smiled, and kicked a loose pebble towards the padawan.  Here I am, little Padawan.

Obi-wan turned quickly towards the noise, only to go shock-still.  “You,” he breathed.

Maul’s smile grew alongside the growl in his throat.

The Jedi put a hand to the saber at his waist. “Don’t,” he said.  “Don’t come any closer.”

Maul glanced at the saber.  …he must be bluffing.  Why else would he be here, if not to find a new crystal?  The Zabrak finished reaching for his knife, and dangled it from his fingertips.

“Drop it.”

Maul was torn between amusement and rage.  Who does this child think he is? As if he could order me to do anything.  He swung the blade by its handle, but then tightened his grip.

“I said drop it!”

Maul rumbled at him.  I’m not entirely sure why I haven’t killed him yet…he seems amusing.

The Jedi frowned, brows furrowing.  “What the hell? Don’t you talk?”  …Apparently he abandoned the knife issue, Maul thought, amused.

He decided to indulge him.  “Yes,” he purred, “I do.”

The padawan glared at him.  “You’re still an apprentice?”

Maul pursed his lips.  I won’t betray my Master.

After a few moments of silence, the young Jedi tried again.  “Look, I’m just here to get a crystal, so if you’d kindly–”

Maul snarled, and suddenly the padawan had his saber in his hand, still powered off.  “I really don’t want to fight you–”

Maul threw the knife.  Tactically, it wasn’t the best choice, but Maul was annoyed.  I can take him unarmed.

The padawan yelped and ducked.  Maul ran at him.  Suddenly, in a static-ey whoosh of air, the Jedi’s saber ignited.  Maul cursed and vaulted backwards, scrambling away from the Jedi.  Why the hell is that thing not broken?!

“Look, I’m not here to fight you!”  The padawan held the saber in front of him, threatening.

Maul growled, low in his throat and dangerous.

“Just– let me get my crystal and I’ll leave you alone.  And– wait!  You’re here for a crystal, too, aren’t you?”

Obviously.  “Oh, how perceptive of you.”  Maul snorted, then, energy levels dropping low.  

The padawan scowled.  “There aren’t Sith crystals here.”

…This isn’t worth my time.  Maul began to back away.  Never turn your back on an enemy.

The Jedi let him go.

—

Back in his ship, Maul wondered if he should go back.