#I only bought that controller for cheap so I could have one for class— hey is that guy named krangus mcbasketball

[fisherrprince]

minecraft is hard actually and I have to use my cruddy Xbox controller with the upside down dpad … slowly shuffles back to ffxiv which plays nice with my ps4 controller

[tryingmyves]

Sober

DENKI KAMINARI x Y/N

part two

A/N: A fic inspired by Wish You Were Sober by Conan Gray (I swear they put crack in this song). You’ve been in love with Denki Kaminari for as long as you can remember and he only seems to think of you as more than a friend when he’s inebriated. Simple, right?

sorry this chapter got a bit long but things are getting ~spicy~

c/w: alcohol mention, smut (soon)

chapter 1

[FOUR MONTHS AGO]

Technically, classes wouldn’t start for three more days, so you weren’t quite a college student. But you and Kaminari came to the city early because the lease on his apartment was starting and you needed to meet someone from Craig’s List about the car you plan to buy. To be honest, the car was what you expected: a piece of shit. But it would get you to your part time job and back to campus, so what more could you ask for? You couldn’t move into your dorm until tomorrow, but Kaminari said you could stay with him for the night. His roommate Kirishima hadn't moved in yet, so he had extra space.

Aside from the brief meeting with the stranger you bought your car from, you and Kaminari spent the day hauling cheap furniture up four flights of stairs into his apartment. Both of you were utterly exhausted. You were both covered in the grime of your own sweat; countless trips up and down the stairs had left your legs burning and heavy. When you agreed to help Kaminari move in you didn’t expect that he'd have so much shit, or that his apartment would be on the top floor of a building with no elevator. But at the current juncture you were too fatigued to complain. The two of you are laying on your backs, sprawled out on the cold wooden floor of the living room, unpacked boxes surrounding you.

“I feel disgusting,” you complain, raising your head slightly off the ground and unsticking the mat of sweaty hair from the back of your neck. You push it upwards so it fans out above your head.

“Yeah, you smell kind of disgusting too,” Kaminari replies with a laugh that becomes a cough when your arm swings down to connect with his stomach.

“I think you mean, “gee Y/N, thanks so much for helping me move into my apartment! I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Kaminari raises himself up on his elbows, still recovering from your blow. “Hey - I have your thank you, it’s just in one of these boxes. Alcohol tends to be the universal thank you for helping a friend move - plus I don’t have wifi until tomorrow, so tonight we’re getting drunk and celebrating as college students!” he smiles.

You let out a sigh, “Well I hope you have ice. Find my thank you gift - I’m going to go break in your shower,” you say rising from the floor, “but not because you said I smell. Only because I want to!”

Kaminari laughs as you make your way to the bathroom, pulling himself off the floor as well to start rooting through the cardboard boxes full of his belongings. You lock the bathroom door behind you and spend a few moments deciphering how to use the unfamiliar shower. You start the water, a bit cooler than usual, still feeling balmy from all of today’s physical activity. After moving all of Denki’s belongings into the apartment you didn’t remember to grab anything of your own, so you would be using his toiletries to wash up. You throw a thin towel on the back of the toilet before stepping into the refreshing stream of water. The water cascades down your face, snaking down the curves of your body before disappearing down the drain. A sigh escapes your lips, thankful for a small moment of relaxation after a long day. You get to work washing your hair and scrubbing the day's sweat off of yourself, wrapped in the scent of cedarwood and lemon, something you’ve long associated with Kaminari. After roughly fifteen minutes you feel sufficiently clean and turn off the shower, stepping out to towel yourself off.

Not wanting to put your dirty clothes back on, you sneak out of the bathroom with your towel wrapped around you and down the hall to Kaminari’s room. You snatch a t-shirt and pair of sweats out of an opened box and creep back to the bathroom to get dressed and brush out your hair. You pull the over-sized shirt on, relishing the traces of Denki’s cologne that linger on the fabric and step into the sweats. You rake a comb through your wet tresses before re-emerging from the bathroom. You find Kaminari in his kitchen, haphazardly unpacking a box of cutlery with a mixed drink in his hand.

“Did you break into my thank you present without me, Denki?”

He turns at the sound of your voice, “Well maybe if you hadn’t taken so long -” He stops, registering you’re now in his clothes instead of your own. “Hah, nice threads,” he laughs.

You grab the hem of the shirt, holding it out from you a bit as if you're presenting it. “Yeah, well my shower wasn’t going to do much good if I got back into my sweaty clothes, so I helped myself.”

“Seems to be a recurring theme tonight. I don’t mind, you look cuter in it than I do anyway,” he winks at you. “Now,” he slides a second cup across the counter towards you, “thanks for helping me move in. Let’s get drunk!”`

You smile as you place the cup to your lips for a drink, your mind buzzing even without the alcohol. You’ve been friends with Denki long enough to know that he is always flirting, even if he doesn’t mean anything by it. Usually you just brush off his comments or turn the tables with a line of your own, hoping to get him flustered. But lately you haven’t been able to ignore the flutters in your chest at his words. The pair of you have been friends since middle school and you’ve grown accustomed to people assuming you’re more than that. But in reality, things between you and Denki have always been platonic, despite the incessant flirting. However, you want there to be more. His golden eyes draw you into him and he can so effortlessly make you laugh. For you, home isn’t a static location but wherever Denki happens to be.

“Woah Y/N, I didn’t mean you had to chug it!”

Denki’s comment snaps you out of your thoughts and you realize you’ve drunk nearly half of your drink while lost in silent longing. You lower the cup, “Well you have a headstart on me!” you reason, not wanting to tell Denki he’s the reason you got lost in your cups.

“Fair enough, but head start or not, I’m drinking you under the table tonight,” he challenges. “Let’s play some Mario Kart! I set up the switch while you were in the shower.”

“Fine, but if you’re wanting to get drunk we’re playing Beer-i-o Kart.”

Kaminari huffs, “well, obviously.” He grabs a bottle of whiskey in addition to his own cup and heads to the couch, you following close behind.

The rules of the game are simple: you win if you’re the first person to cross the finish line but you have to finish your drink before the end of the race. Even in the world of Mario Kart, drinking and driving is a no go, so there’s a few different options on how to play. You can either chug your drink at the start, put your controller down mid race to slam your drink, or stop just before the finish line on lap three to empty your cup. You can also drink while you’re put back on the track if you somehow manage to drive off the course. Both you and Denki are highly competitive, and while he might think he has the monopoly on video games, your skills rival his.

Unsurprisingly, Denki picks the Lightning Cup as it’s both a nod to his quirk and he’s a sadist who actually enjoys rainbow road. He beats you handily in the first two races, able to finish his drink slightly quicker than you, but you manage to win the Grumble Volcano race. He hits pause before the final race can start so he can mix two more drinks. You laugh as he nearly drops his own cup, his cheeks pink from all the liquor.

“Oh shut it, Y/N, or you can make your own drink.”

“Aw, don’t be bitter just because you lost that one Denki!” you tease.

He hands your now full cup back to you, “Yeah well this next one’s all mine. You’re going down!”

You just stick your tongue out in response and ready yourself for the last race. Once you’ve both situated yourself, Denki unpauses the game and the countdown begins. He immediately starts chugging his drink but you peel out from the starting line. You know you’ll fall off the map several times, so you might as well use that time effectively by drinking then. Denki finishes the freshly poured drink in under 30 seconds and is already in hot pursuit. He manages to pass you on the first lap and despite the multiple red shells you send his way, you can’t catch up. You’re not sure if it’s your competitive nature or the copious amounts of alcohol that influence your next move, but you shift from your seat on the couch and plant yourself directly in Denki's lap, blocking his view of the screen and making him drive off the road.

“Y/N, you cheater!!” Denki squirms beneath you, trying to dislodge you from your new position.

You laugh, “We never said this was against the rules!”

You zip past his character as he’s being lowered back onto the track, a triumphant hah! announcing you’ve overtaken him.

“Well in that case, neither is this!” Denki’s hands grip at your sides, his fingers poking at all your most ticklish spots. You shriek in surprise and jump from his lap, desperate to get away from the sudden assault. You land on the couch, laying on your back, but Denki doesn’t relent. He crawls between your legs and bares over you with a wicked grin on his face before bringing his hands to your sides once more.

Now you’re squirming beneath him, a breathless ball of laughter, your game forgotten in the background. When Denki finally stops tickling you his face is no more than a foot from your own. Your better judgement goes out the window, forced out by the haze of your laughter and half a bottle of alcohol. You wrap an arm around the back of Denki’s neck and pull his lips to yours. You can feel the smile on his face as he opens his mouth, tracing at your lips with the tip of his tongue. You part your lips, allowing him inside. His lips are soft and you're not sure whether or not he activated his quirk but you’re feeling sparks.

He separates from you, nipping at your bottom lip as he does. His forehead resting on your own he whispers, “I’ve always wondered what that would be like. It’s better than I thought.”

The low hush in his voice makes your breath catch. “What else have you wondered about?”

“Well if kissing you is this good, I can only wonder what you’re like in bed.”

You press your lips to his again, “one way to find out,” you say through the kiss.

At that, Kaminari grabs your thighs and stands from the couch, hoisting you to his waist. He carries you down the hallway towards his bedroom, kissing you the whole way. As you cross the threshold of his room he separates from you, “say less.”

[kopikokun]

bad girl’s bad boy

10:50PM ➴ badboy!jungwoo x badgirl!reader (fem) | highschool!au

warning(s): expletives, underage drinking, implied drug usage

Kim Jungwoo rocks the label ‘bad boy’ almost as severely as he rocked the mullet and fake eyebrow piercing he wore for Halloween. Unfortunately, the title’s garnered somewhat of a less than favourable rep. He’d rather die than be associated with those pompous, leather jacket wearing, daddy issues yet still leeching off daddy’s money bad boys. For starters, Jungwoo doesn’t own anything leather, he’s a major dad’s boy, and he can’t afford a tall from Starbucks without going bankrupt (Seriously, why is it so expensive? Perhaps a hot take, but it isn’t even that revolutionary), so those ludicrous stereotypes can suck his dick. Alright, so the last fact’s more pitiable than impressive, but hey, it adds dimension. Perhaps, his one and only flaw.

    Oh, and how could he forget the most important thing? Where he deviates most from the cliche: he’s way more into bad girls than good ones. He’d never admit it, but he’s read his fair share of bad boy fanfiction; he’s seen the universally revered trope, but no matter how many ‘The Bad Boy and Me’s he’s consumed, he’s never seen the appeal in the quiet, shy nerd. Don’t get him wrong, he harbours no prejudice towards them. They’re honestly some of the wildest cards he’s met–simultaneously super sweet yet also batshit crazy (in the best ways, of course)–but something about the image of bad girls… it just keeps him up at night. It was always more a foolish chimera he indulged in–fodder for the scenarios he thought up at night to put him to sleep–and though he was a little bummed, he accepted that it was impossible.

    Until you came along, of course.

    Picture this: it’s his last year of high school. He’s trying his best to practice abstinence from cutting class (and abstinence in general), shouldering a future-related crises every other day, and buying cute girls shorts from Starbucks. It’s the weekend–he’s just been slapped across the face by a fling-gone-wrong–and a house party’s the perfect remedy for the acute case of senioritis he’s unexpectedly contracted. Jungwoo’s been to parties-a-plenty–downing more cheap booze and puking it back out to last him through college–and this one was no different.

    The host was some jock from the neighbouring rival school, and while there had always been an intense animosity between the two facilities, all of its resentful past was swept under the rug for this momentous occasion. It would’ve been heartwarming, if not for the tacky strobe lights, black-out drunk teens and vomit stains.

    Classic high school party. Jungwoo hadn’t gone in expecting anything, he just wanted to let off some steam. He’d get drunk, maybe flirt around, and go home.

    He doesn’t know what it was in his drink that pushed him to stagger towards the beer pong table, but he’s damn glad he did, because that’s where he saw you for the first time. Shrouded in a crowd of people either collectively hollering in support or outrage, brows cinched in determination, your smouldering eyes pierced the ping pong table. Jungwoo could only watch in awe, his grip tightening around the red solo cup in his hand as you effortlessly tossed the chalky ping pong ball into the farthest cup on the table. The cheers of the people around you swallowed the room, and when the edges of your lips quirked into a devilish grin, Jungwoo saw his life flash through his eyes. Succubus.

    “Who’s that?” he asked, elbowing a faded Xiaojun.

    “Oh, her? Why? You interested?”

    “Yeah, duh.”

    When Jungwoo heard your name for the first time, stumbling from Xiaojun’s lips in a hazy slur, a prickle rose in him. God, he loved it already.

    “Don’t bother with her, man. She wouldn’t be interested, and she’s way out of your league anyway.” Xiaojun’s tone was soaked bitter, and his hands delved deeper into his pockets.

    Jungwoo knew that, but Xiaojun really didn’t have to spell it out for him like that. “Nobody’s out of my league. You know that.”

    “That gargantuan ego of yours s’just gonna worsen your chances, man.”

    Jungwoo arched a bow. “How would you know that?”

    “‘Cause I’ve tried before, fucker. She turned me down so quick, saying how I ‘wasn’t her type’ which is ridiculous; I’m everyone’s type. Shit hurt. Had me feelin’ all insecure, staring into the mirror everyday trying to find what looked wrong. Seriously, save yourself the humiliation. She’ll fucking annihilate you.”

    “Did you find it?”

    “Find what?”

    “What looks wrong with you? ’Cause I could save you the trouble and name a few.”

    “Fuck you.”

    “Trust me, there are like ten people here who’d love to. And you and I are like in different leagues,” snickered Jungwoo. “I’ll get her number in no time.”

    Xiaojun rolled his eyes, lips pursed. “Suit yourself. She’s got a pretty infamous rep though.”

    “From annihilating losers like you?”

    “Haha, really fucking hillarious. Don’t tell me you forgot how much you owe me for all those damn shorts you bought at Starbucks.”

    Cold sweat trickled down Jungwoo’s back. “Kidding, kidding.”

    “Whatever.” Xiaojun’s gaze flickered to Jungwoo, who was still eyeing you up regardless of his warnings. “Come on, don’t tell me you’re still going to shoot your shot?”

    “No harm, right?”

    Any remaining advice Xiaojun had to offer would’ve wormed through one ear and out the other, but he still couldn’t suppress the steady bass of sympathy drumming through him as he haplessly watched Jungwoo bound to you, unsuspecting of what you’re capable off.

    “Dumbass. He’s gonna come back crying.”

    And as Jungwoo scampered up to you, smirking like he was the one in control here, you lifted your cup higher past your lips, masking that signature devious grin of yours, which only grew when you realised by the waver of his voice that you already had him wrapped around your finger.

[purity-town]

Whoops, didn’t mean to post this so late. Time’s gotten away from me this week, haha. Anyways, a few ask replies are below the cut!

Aw, I’m glad you’re enjoying the comic! It’s the best feeling knowing that folks are liking what I’m putting out. ^^

And yep, bosses are being done in order! I’ll list them out below with how I’m handling each of them for simplicity’s sake:

King Slime -- Will be mentioned, but won’t appear. Probably defeated by a previous hero? I’m not sure, but Chris won’t be fighting it.

Eye of Cthulhu -- The first boss Chris fights.

Eater of Worlds -- Most likely an on-screen boss fight? I’m debating.

Brain of Cthulhu -- This is a Corruption world, so it’s not included.

Queen Bee -- Mentioned, though cut for time.

Skeletron -- Plot important boss battle!

Wall of Flesh -- Also plot important boss battle; actually one of the first scenes I had figured out for the comic, haha.

Mech Bosses/Plantera/Golem -- These most likely will be fought, but I’m not sure how I’ll be handling them. The Mechs at least are plot relevant, we’ll see about the other two.

Optional Hardmode Bosses -- Queen Slime, Duke Fishron, etc. will be cut for time.

Event Bosses -- Things like the Pumpkin/Frost Moon and so on won’t be included.

Other Events -- Solar eclipse, blood moon, etc.; may or may not be included depending on how the story flows with them.

Lunatic Cultist/Celestial Events/Moon Lord -- again, plot important.

Do keep in mind that the above is subject to some change depending on what I want to include, as well as just what I want to be on/off screen. I never really know how I’m going to handle something until I’m actually writing/drafting/sketching that chapter, save for a few scenes that I’ve had planned from the beginning, haha.

Firstly, 🎉🎉🎉 for 200 followers!!!

And as for the question -- it’s a really long story actually, haha. Hence why I’m putting this ask last.

So, I’ve owned a copy of Terraria on Steam since early 2016; I had bought another game and needed something cheap to finish off the gift card. Spent like five minutes on it, said no thanks, and went on. Opened it again a few years later, played for an hour and got frustrated at the controls/opening doors/not understanding tools and put it down again. I only got into it come 1.4 -- having access to journey mode meant I had a lot more freedom to do what I wanted, and since I had previously played a little, I was no longer totally confused by the game.

I went through my first playthrough pretty much blind, and had a lot of fun! I tend to make up little stories while playing open world games, and since I only started playing Terraria after the NPC happiness mechanic came out, I put a lot of effort into getting everyone little houses with their friends and such. I put in a few dozen hours, had a blast, and that was that.

Because it was my first playthrough, I was mostly relying on the Guide and a boss progression list I had pulled up on my phone to get through the game, though to figure out housing I ended up spending a while screwing around on the NPC pages, and realized...hey! Terraria doesn’t have *much* of a story, but it does have enough content to work with.

And then I spent an evening putting together a 20 page document about the game’s lore and characters because I wanted to share my latest fixation with my partner, but didn’t want to annoy them. I don’t recall if they ever did read it -- I think they did? -- but the point is that I had it, and started playing around with the idea of writing a little fanfic based off of it. I planned a few things out, but didn’t end up writing any of it, and then shelved the idea after a little bit.

After that I went through a phase of doing a lot of commissions to get some money for college shopping, then classes started and I was busy, then I got really into HLVRAI, etc. etc. Finally, someone I used to watch years and years ago on youtube posted a Frankenstein: A New Musical animatic. I said “cool!” and then Frankenstein was my latest fixation. I found someone on Tumblr (@/reanimationstation) who draws a lot of Frankenstein art, saw they were doing a cute little gothic lit slice of life comic, and said...hey, comics are pretty neat! What if I did one? I had been recently thinking about my Terraria story, that could be fun to mess with.

So, I drew a two-page comic with the Guide and Old Man talking about their curses, posted it to Reddit, and got tons of nice comments and PMs from people saying that they really liked it and hoped I did some more. I had mentioned it was part of an old fic of mine (I was still debating picking it back up and writing it at the time), and people interpreted that as there being more to the comic. There wasn’t, but I figured: eh, why not? I’ll go for ten pages, enough to squish in a whole first chapter if I keep it short, and if I don’t like it, I’ll stop. I’d always wanted to do a webcomic, after all. This could be fun.

And you know what? It has been fun! I need to get better at managing my time most certainly, since pages take so long, but it’s also serving as a way for me to actually be forced to improve, haha. I can already see how much my style has changed since the first chapter, just from the weekly drawings! Plus, I really do love the characters, haha. It’s been a good while since I’ve been so passionate about stuff like this, and while I don’t post them, I do pretty often write goofy ficlets about the characters just to work on their “voices” and all that. Mostly about Andrew and Chris, since they’ll have the most screen time, so to speak, but overall whatever my latest silly idea is.

So, yeah! Just a bunch of things coming together in such a way that I ended up doing a comic.

[fletcherr]

hi ! i’m maren and i’m bad at intros ! and bios ! and things in general ! ... why am i here again ? uhm. anyway ! this is fletcher and uh ... he hates it here askdjfs like i can’t lie i’m so sorry but for the time being it’s ... lowkey the truth ? i’m writing this part of the post first so fingers crossed i manage to keep this short and to the point. if there’s no tldr it’s because this was supposed to be it. ( spoiler ; i failed. it’s so fucking long you literally do not have to read it i am so sorry. ) i’m super excited to be here and cannot wait to get to know you and your muses and be a part of this amazing group !!

THE APP !

˖ °╰ ⌜ [ MUSE TEN, ROBERT PATTINSON, 31, CIS MALE, HE/HIM ] hey, have you seen FLETCHER DUNCAN ? last time i saw them i think they were hanging around THE ROOFTOP. they can kind of be VEHEMENT but can also be pretty HAUGHTY. they’re often caught listening to SUPERSTAR SH*T - DOMINIC FIKE ! they also tend to remind me of cheap cigarettes put out in still half full glasses of rare bourbon, flipping off paparazzi, showing up to important meetings bleary-eyed and twenty minutes late, wearing sunglasses inside and black hoodies on the hottest day of summer, feeling uninspired for months then writing three albums worth of songs in two weeks ! let me know if you’ve seen them around, they’ve been working at the championship around FOUR MONTHS and they’re late for their shift !

THE BASICS !

full name: fletcher ralph duncan ( born fletcher ralph irvine )

nicknames: prefers fletcher, but is okay with fletch or duncan

date of birth: november 18th, 1989

gender: cis male

pronouns: he / him

height: 6′1

tattoos: some stupid ones without any deeper meaning to them on his arms and thighs, for sure

THE ( VERY ) IN - DEPTH ! tw for mentions of abuse of drugs and alcohol, terminal illness, hospitals, and death

after years of marriage, fletcher’s parents had him when they were both about to enter their forties, as one last, final attempt to find back to the love they’d had for each other when they started dating way back in high school. it didn’t work. his father left  when fletcher was four; leaving divorce papers on the kitchen table two weeks before christmas. him and his mother, winnie, moved from one of the suburbs to a smaller, more affordable apartment in brooklyn. they were never quite comfortable, money-wise, but they didn’t struggle either. two years after the move, his mother started seeing a guy she’d been introduced to through friends from work. fletcher adored richard from the first time they met, and as the years went by he came to consider him more of a dad than he ever did the one who left. that’s probably why he didn’t mourn when his father passed suddenly and unexpectedly the summer he turned ten. the following summer, winnie and richard married, and both her and fletcher completely rid themselves of the man who walked out on them when they both changed their last name from his to richard’s - duncan.

when richard moved in, he’d brought an electric guitar and a sparse record collection with him. these were fletcher’s first real introduction to music. he dove in head first. there’s no telling how many evenings they sat in the living room, records playing, or fletcher practicing on the guitar until he was caught up with his dad’s guitar skills. turns out, he was actually a bit of a natural. after he’d mastered his first instrument, he moved onto another. his mother - who’d been a classically trained, lifetimes ago - taught him to the best of her ability on a keyboard they got from a yard sale. he spent hours at a time in record stores. championship vinyl had always been richard’s favorite, and it wasn’t long until it was his favorite too. consuming music wasn’t enough, though. by the time he was in high school, fletcher was writing his own songs; creating his own music. of course - none of it was ever remotely up to par with the songs he kept discovering, but it didn’t matter. him and two kindred spirits he met at school formed a band, performing covers and the stuff he wrote. to afford actual gig gear - not that they ever booked many of those - fletcher applied for a part time job the only place he could think to; championship vinyl. though he'd been a regular for the better part of a decade by that time, he was still in disbelief and awe when he got the job.

fletcher thrived at championship. he took on all the shifts his schedule would allow him, and even skipped class to cover for anyone that asked. even when he was off the clock, he’d hang around. if he wasn’t flicking through new inventory or catching up with the whoever was at work, he’d be sitting on the rooftop with his guitar, a pen and a roll of receipt paper - scratching down song ideas and testing out new material. things were looking up; he was a creatively fulfilled high school senior with a job he loved, parents that supported- and loved him unconditionally, and he’d just been accepted into nyu. therefore, it rocked his world when his dad stopped by during one of his shifts, only to collapse while fletcher had his back turned to find a rare vinyl he’d set aside for him as a surprise. 

the diagnosis was a death sentence. months flew by in the blink of an eye, and he watched the only dad he’d ever truly known wither away before his eyes. weeks shy of a year to the date of the diagnosis, on the day richard duncan passed away, his son brought the old record player and the by now weathered records from the brooklyn apartment to the hospital room. he drew his last breath surrounded by the music and the family he loved.

not recently having gone through the same kind of world crumbling sorrow and the revelation about not wasting away and following your dreams that walks that’s bound to follow, his bandmates weren’t all that keen on the plan fletcher presented them with; movin to la and making it in music. really making it. with one of three members hellbent on leaving, the band broke up. they never could agree on a name, anyway. he turned in his resignation at championship, and jokingly promised james namsen to not come back until he’d won a grammy. winnie, though heartbroken to first lose the love of her life, and now having her son move away, had nothing but support and encouragement to offer when he announced he’d be dropping out of college to pursue music.

the first two years, nothing happened. he was living and working in downtown la; the apartment he shared with four roommates was just shy of being a shoebox, and the franchise record  store he eventually scored a job at lacked the soul and the hum of energy he was used to from championship back in new york. just as ambition and hope was wearing thin, things were starting to look up for him. he was meeting the right people in the right places, at the right times. after opening for a few up and coming acts, he was approached by a manager, who in turn introduced him to a few labels. though he was very aware he wasn’t a strong vocalist, he was confident in himself as a musician and a songwriter, and it seemed so was the internationally renowned label that ended up offering him a contract. his first single dropped not even a year later, soon followed by his debut album.

though his star was slowly rising, the album made only a miniscule splash. he toured it as an opening act and played a handful of shows on each coast. going back into the studio to work on the next album felt different. making the first one hadn’t felt authentic. not the process, nor the result. he’d been too agreeable; too eager to please and too eager to show he was worth everyone’s time and money. this time around, he was more assertive and demanded more control over the creative process. less co-writers were brought in, and he now had a say in which producers he worked with. his sophomore album released to generally positive reviews and ratings, but it seemed that would be it. then, almost over night, his shit was doing numbers. big numbers. 

sure - his label was running some promo for his sophomore album, but it seemed most people were catching wind of his stuff by word of mouth. people were actually buying his albums. both of them. when tickets to his second headline tour went on sale, they sold out in days. dates were added and venues were upgraded to answer the growing demand for tickets as more and more people found his music. he was playing famous venues now; legendary venues. festivals with hundreds of thousands of attendees. all over the country. all over the world. if he didn’t have a microphone or a guitar in his hand, he had a beer. or vodka. maybe whiskey. sometimes a joint, sometimes pills. he was at parties, then he was hosting parties. then he was at parties hosted in his honor. for the first time in his life, he had money. hard, real, fuck you money. he paid off the student loan he’d racked up during his one year stint at nyu, and the mortgage on the apartment he’d grown up in. he bought a house in beverly hills, and a two story apartment in brooklyn - both of which had shelves custom made for the gilded statuettes and trophies declaring him to be the best in a slew of categories. he’d done it. he was twenty-six and on top of the world. invincible. and then his mom's heart gave out.

for the three years that followed, his career suffered as he partied harder. friends he’d known for years disappeared, and were replaced with new faces that all blurred together. there were scandals, but they too were all a blur - leaked pictures and videos; shows he decided last minute he didn’t wanna do; shows he couldn’t do because he showed up too far gone to stand upright. people who got too close to him on one of the bad days, who’s faces he scarred forever. arrests, and settlements made outside of court. the label was getting antsy too, and when it passed the two year mark of the last time he’d set foot in the studio, his team - headed by the same manager that been with him through it all; that’d seen potential and believed in him all those years ago - pleaded with him to get help. begrudgingly, fletcher agreed. after a few months at rehab, he returned - clean, and determined to get back to work. the process was longwinded and intense, but the finished product was, in his eyes, solid gold. and - luckily? surprisingly? - the world at large agreed.

he toured the album with dates booked at relatively smaller venues this time around, but everywhere was packed full to the brim with people. throughout the time working on the album he’d been doing okay; staying sober and surrounding himself with good intentioned people. but being back on the road took a toll on him he hadn’t expected, and it didn’t take long for him to turn to alcohol when it was so easily accessible all around him, at all times. still, things were fine, and he was even relearning to appreciate the electric energy of performing live in front of an audience. to celebrate the last show of the us leg of the tour, the label threw an afterparty for the band, the team, the crew, and their friends. as people were starting to leaving the venue, fletcher sent some members of his band and a couple of their friends ahead with a key to his suite at a hotel nearby, while he thanked the label executives that’d been at the show. when he showed up, a glass was shoved into his hand, and as the party picked back up, someone got out the pills they’d kept at the bottom of their pocket all night. when offered, fletcher - on top of the world once more - accepted. 

someone snitched. and to the media, no less. when confronted by his team, he denied it. after being open about his struggle to overcome addiction, something like this would be damning for the reputation he’d rebuilt over the last two years. which is why he lied through his teeth. but then the videos from the suite appeared online, and his ruse was up. the rest of the tour was cancelled, and after completing a thirty day program, he was back in brooklyn.

it took some convincing, but he eventually went along with the ‘find back to your roots by returning to where it all started’ plan his team had cooked up. he also agreed to let someone else run his social media accounts for the time being. how his manager had gotten him a job at championship, fletcher didn’t know. he suspected a monthly bribe the size of his paycheck and then some was involved. but then again, he’d never known james namsen to be that kind of guy. for the first few weeks, he showed up for his shifts - sometimes on time, sometimes not - kept his head down, tried to engage with as few customers and co-workers as possible, then ditched as soon as he was off the clock. but there’d always been something special about the record store on the corner of bedford and sterling. soon enough, he began occasionally going up to the rooftop once his shift was over. approaching customers to offer his service before they approached him. show up early to catch up with whoever was working the shift before him. if he was having a particularly good day, he’d stop by to hang around even if he wasn’t on the schedule. he was well aware he wasn’t always easy to be around - years of living the high life and putting up walls having made him cynical, and standoffish, and discourteous. even if the boy he’d been when he walked out of there years ago was long gone, championship vinyl had stayed the same. and though fletcher’s yet to admit it, being back felt like being home. 

[ceescedasticity]

more director’s commentary

                                                                                                                                Anonymous said: Oh wow, that director’s commentary is so interesting! Do you mind if I ask for a director’s commentary for the first and second scenes in chapter 3 of Escher, when Yusuke wakes up in the past? Thanks!

Sure!

Yusuke considered his options carefully and rationally, and then refused to get out of bed. When Sensei stepped in to ask if he was feeling all right, he pulled his blanket over his head. He did not want to talk to Sensei. This was a bad dream. If the Holy Grail wanted to torment them as they disappeared Yusuke supposed that was its prerogative, but he didn't have to play along.

It just doesn’t want to block quote that paragraph... Anyway. Several of the others after remembering worry that it might not be real, but I think Yusuke is the only one to just immediately conclude hallucination. He’s evidently much less confident in his grip on reality and/or much more paranoid about the Holy Grail’s mind games.

"Yusuke-kun?" said someone who wasn't Sensei. "Are you not feeling well?"

That was not a very good way to get him to get up.

Losing Hitoshi HURT, badly, and Yusuke dealt with it by wrapping it up and setting it aside and not dealing with it, and he doesn’t want to pull it back out.

"Yuuuuuusuke-kuuuuun, come on," Hitoshi-senpai said, just like he hadn't been dead for a year and a half. The nerve. "I know you're awake under there."

Best not to do anything to encourage it.

"Fair warning, I'm taking your blanket in five… four… three… two…"

The blanket was yanked away before the count reached one, let alone zero, and Yusuke was left blinking up at… Hitoshi-senpai. He looked perfectly normal, not at all like someone who'd jumped in front of a train.

Since Yusuke is still at least half-sure this is a Holy-Grail-driven hallucination, he was at least half-expecting gore.

(Not that Yusuke had seen him, after. Hitoshi-senpai had jumped while Yusuke was at school. He hadn't found out until he got home in the afternoon.)

Madarame found out a few hours earlier and could have called Kosei and had Yusuke pulled out of class. He didn’t. This was... well, saying it was meant kindly is a bit strong, not calling him earlier also made things easier for Madarame, but Madarame did think leaving Yusuke in school would make things less painful for Yusuke. He was probably wrong.

"You okay?" Hitoshi-senpai asked. "You're kind of pale…"

If he said 'you look like you've seen a ghost', Yusuke would not be responsible for his actions.

"Well, whatever's wrong, you're only going to feel worse sitting in here in the cold," Hitoshi-senpai went on. "Come on, Kiyomi got the space heater fired up in the studio over an hour ago, weird early riser, and I got us a treat for breakfast!"

…Maybe he would humor the hallucination at least as far as the space heater. "All right."

Being a “shack” the atelier has shitty insulation and possibly no central heating, and if they set up a space heater in every room the circuit breaker might fail as soon as someone used the microwave.

Yusuke opened his clothes chest and stared blankly at the middle school uniforms inside for a moment before digging out worn jeans and a paint-stained sweatshirt. Everything was just like he… remembered leaving it the night before. He'd thought about piling clothes on top of the blanket on his futon for extra warmth, but had decided it wasn't cold enough for that to be necessary.

Funny, that a memory that should be three years old seemed so fresh.

He didn't bother folding up his futon properly. Hitoshi-senpai's on the other side of the room was even messier.

Yusuke is not, by himself, a very tidy person. Yusuke and Hitoshi’s room is a disaster. Madarame has had to ask them to clean the room.

Yusuke peered out into the hall as carefully as if he were trying to ambush a Shadow. He did not want to talk to Sensei right now, hallucinated or otherwise. Not in sight — he was probably back in his private studio, with his own space heater. Or whatever secret climate controls he had to store all those fake 'Sayuri's without ruining them.

Obviously some of the time he’s off at resorts or whatever, but he is at the atelier sometimes, and I suspect his room is nicer than the shack in general looks. --And he would definitely need better climate controls for all those paintings.

Hitoshi-senpai's breakfast treat was store-bought American-style toaster pastries. Which he was attempting to toast on the space heater. Yusuke considered going back to bed.

I don’t think this is even a full manic episode, he’s just being weird.

"There you are," Kiyomi-senpai said. She was sitting by the space heater with a textbook and a notebook. Studying, presumably. Kiyomi-senpai had studied a lot, up until she dropped out of high school (when she left the atelier). "Hitoshi said you weren't feeling well, so I put away all the drawing pencils you left all over the studio last night."

…Yusuke remembered her sending Hitoshi-senpai to make him get up to clean up the mess, but that was the real version, when he hadn't woken up with a shout, then retreated under his blankets and lain in bed for an extra hour refusing to acknowledge anyone. "…Thank you, senpai."

Given a choice of exerting some effort cleaning up a mess someone else made or exerting twice as much effort making the person clean it up themselves, Kiyomi will usually take the second option. (She is very aware of unspoken games of Chore Chicken, knows she is at high risk of losing, and refuses to do so.) Exceptions are granted for health reasons. Don’t get used to it.

"I think these are almost ready," Hitoshi-senpai said. "Sit down, Yusuke-kun."

Yusuke sat, and numbly accepted a space heater pastry.

This was all a little… non-surreal to be a hallucination. No spines or giant veins anywhere. The space heater toaster pastries might have counted as surreal, except he remembered that part actually happening. Hitoshi-senpai could get a little surreal sometimes. Inspired, Sensei had always called it.

Crap, if it’s real, he’ll have to deal with it.

"You really don't look very good," Hitoshi-senpai said critically. "Hey, Kiyomi, how's the slush fund looking?"

"A lot smaller than it was before we splurged on the wedding present for Ayane-senpai," Kiyomi-senpai replied.

(Ayane-senpai had left the art world to get married less than a month before this. Or, more likely, Ayane-senpai had gotten married to leave Sensei, which then meant she had to leave the art world. None of them had gone to the small wedding, but Hitoshi-senpai had insisted the four remaining students — the three who lived at the atelier plus Natsuhiko-senpai — needed to send Ayane-senpai a wedding gift of some good art supplies so she would know she didn't need to leave art behind. Good art supplies were not cheap.)

Ayane wasn’t as close as the three of them are, more like on the level of Nakanohara (but much less obnoxious). Yusuke has the causality a bit mixed up; she wasn’t going to insist on leaving completely when she got married, just cutting back, but Madarame made an ultimatum and she decided she’d rather leave completely.

"Not to mention all the fried chicken last week," Kiyomi-senpai continued. "And the osechi, which incidentally had better still be in the fridge when it's actually New Year."

Osechi.

Ah, yes, unlike the 'end of exams' cake which had vanished before Kiyomi-senpai was even halfway through her end-of-term exams. It had been Yusuke. Hitoshi-senpai had covered for him.

No one was fooled.

Hitoshi-senpai frowned. "I thought Sensei paid for osechi this year."

"Sensei said he wanted to pay for the osechi." There were deserts less dry than Kiyomi-senpai's voice. "He never said he would."

"Right…" Hitoshi-senpai sighed.

"But if Yusuke-kun really needs a doctor… I think… I'm pretty sure Sensei would cover that."

"I don't need a doctor," Yusuke said quickly. Sensei probably would cover it. He'd also find a way to make them feel bad about asking.

Yusuke is right.

"You sure?" Kiyomi-senpai asked. "Even if he… doesn't have the cash handy, if it's really an emergency…"

If the slush fund isn’t enough, and Madarame won’t pay up, and it’s REALLY SERIOUSLY AN EMERGENCY, Kiyomi can call some of her relatives and ask for a loan. They would never let her forget it and it would make things generally more difficult with her family going forward, but apart from this art school/apprenticeship/career nonsense, Kiyomi is a Sensible Girl, and she has never said something is an emergency if it wasn’t actually an emergency, so if she asked for help they would help. They really could be a lot worse.

"It's not an emergency at all, senpai. I just… had a bad dream."

"Must've been pretty bad," Hitoshi-senpai said, before eating the last space heater pastry.

Oh, why not. "Kiyomi-senpai had gone back to her family in Iwate," Yusuke said flatly.

"That's bad, all right—"

They could be a lot worse but they are still best appreciated from a distance. Hitoshi has heard more about them than Yusuke has.

"And you were dead," Yusuke continued before they could start with that joke. "You — were hit by a train. Sensei had been arrested. Then a giant evil golden cup took over everyone's cognition and Tokyo merged with the skeleton and innards of some nameless cosmic beast."

Hitoshi-senpai blinked. "Uh."

"It killed all of us," Yusuke went on calmly. "And I'm still not sure if that was the dream or is I'm dreaming now while it's killing us."

Is thinking the future may have been a dream an improvement over thinking this is currently a dream? Idk.

"…I'll check and see what the clinic hours are," Kiyomi-senpai said.

"What? No—"

And there goes their free day!

[dontcallmecarrie]

The End of An Era

writer’s block, go away. Also, doing a timeline crunch in this AU because it somehow grew a plot and I really want to write Howard getting punched [and the older he gets, the easier it gets for him to pretend to be a victim], this is set in 1990.

Sorry not sorry.

.

They’d been so, so careful.

Maria’d balanced a full-time job, the PTA, and the local homeowner’s association on top of an impressive network specifically meant to throw private detectives off their trail; Tony had invented an AI just to check for any possible new developments in the search, as well as taken great pains for the only A on his report card to be in shop class. James’ job as a line cook was possibly the most notable thing about their household. 

It was hard work, passing as average. To be able to live a quiet and peaceful life.

It came to a screeching halt one evening, when Tony spotted the guy who rolled into town with a cheap suit and blandly unremarkable face that screamed danger.

.

“Houston, we’ve been made.” Tony muttered with a calm he didn’t feel, and quietly pushed his watch’s emergency button before turning back to the car he was working on.

He couldn’t leave right now, it’d be too obvious. He never clocked out early from the shop, and couldn’t afford to be memorable now.

All he could do was pretend everything was fine, and hope. 

.

His mom had always been prepared; they’d had drop bags ready since they’d first started running, and Uncle James’...situation only meant that they were even more ready to start running at the drop of a hat. 

By the time he’d arrived, JARVIS would have long since sounded the warning and mom and Uncle James should have each grabbed their own bags and a vehicle to get the heck out of dodge and go to ground, and check in with JARVIS before proceeding to phase two. 

Only...

That sure was a lot of unmarked black SUVs. And they were passing right by their house but not surrounding it.

The agent types were headed to the outskirts of town, instead.

Tony wasn’t going to question it, either way. He just ducked in, grabbed his bag, and ran.

.

The entire area was now swarming with g-men, and Tony had never been so grateful that he wasn’t like one of the dumb jocks who’d driven out to the meteor crash site because they were apparently being taken in for questioning and he was good at disguises, but he wasn’t that good. [Not yet.]

As it was, he’d had to bullshit an excuse to leave town, and never had he been as grateful to have been part of the robotics club because they bought his excuse about regionals. The oil stains only helped sell his story, too.

But it’d still been nerve-wracking, plastering on a smile and showing off his shitty half-finished ‘remote-control car’ and gushing about transistors to the agent who eyed him dubiously, but it got him out with a backpack and his car and that’s all he needed, in the end. [It was more than they'd had, last time. It was enough. It had to be.]

.

Tony ran.

Ran and pushed his car to its limits, ran and switched out the plates several towns over. Kept running, and didn’t stop.

His mom had checked in, she’d made it out.

Uncle James, however...

.

JARVIS had registered Uncle James pushing his own emergency button in recognition of the warning. 

Had registered him grabbing his own drop bag, and taking his motorcycle to go to ground.

And that was it. 

Tony and his mom were safe. Uncle James was missing, last seen in a town swarming with agents from some government agency. 

.

Tony was 16, so close to being a legal adult [finally safe from Howard—] he could almost taste it.

But.

That didn’t matter a whit in the face of missing part of their family— because even if it wasn’t by blood, Uncle James was family. 

“What do we do now?” Tony asked, because he was 16 and this wasn’t the first time they’d had to leave their past behind but it was different this time and he didn’t know what to do.

[Funny, how so much can change in the blink of an eye.]

“Oh, tesoro.” 

The last time he’d seen that look, his mom had burned a government agency and a multimillion dollar company. 

“For family, we raise hell.” 

.

To their credit, it takes roughly three days for SHIELD to discover that apart from being within range of an extraterrestrial object giving off strange readings, the nearby town was also involved in...very strange things. Like the HYDRA cell that had somehow popped up in the chaos, but even that paled in comparison to the discovery that they’d found the last known location of the missing Stark heir.

Three days.

By then, the trail’s started to go cold. [Again.]

But this was the biggest breakthrough in the case in nearly a decade, and Howard Stark was nothing if not relentless when it came to searching for the people he wanted. 

.

Tony and his mom are hard-pressed to continue flying under the radar; the pressure Howard’s exerting means that the risk of discovery is even higher than ever. 

Great. 

[Like things weren’t hard enough.]

.

Sometimes, rarely, Tony almost considers it.

Considers buying into the sob story Howard puts out, wonders if he’d be able to stomach turning himself in and the fallout of being ‘found’ after so long. 

It wouldn’t be hard, if he wanted to; just one phone call, just one glimpse if he’s not careful about his disguise, and just like that it’d be over, no need to hide anymore.

Howard could get the perfect heir he wanted, and...Tony could be able to access the staggering number of resources his father had at his fingertips to find the last of his family, instead of building his own computer from spare parts and improving JARVIS’ firewalls and skulking around Internet cafes to hack databases in the hopes of finding out what happened to Uncle James. 

If he wanted to.

Tony was over twice the age he’d been since he last saw his father in person, could reliably defend himself from his fists and mature enough for Howard’s sneers to no longer affect him. 

...no.

Maybe it was incredibly selfish, but Tony refused to go back. 

Though part of him felt guilty for not using everything at his disposal, he also knew Uncle James would never forgive him if he went back the way he sometimes considered [or would he? Tony remembered early on, the look in his eyes and he hadn’t talked about his past much but Tony wasn’t stupid, he knew HYDRA was bad news, shouldn’t he be pulling out all stops to help his family? Shouldn't he— no, stop].

.

Now that Tony’s older, now that he has JARVIS in his pocket and a network in place, sometimes it’s safer if he and his mom travel apart. She had felt bad about it early on, but...needs must.

Besides, it was easier to lose a tail when it was just one person. And it was faster covering ground that way [more efficient, when searching while trying to remain incognito].

.

Tony’s eighteen birthday is celebrated with a hug and a slightly stale muffin from a convenience store, JARVIS quietly whirring in the background. 

It’s not what he’s expected. Not as significant as he’d been imagining, somehow: there’s no feeling of invisible chains lifting, no ‘it’s over, Howard officially no longer holds any power over you’ sensation. 

All he feels is...a moment of quiet relief, and the acute loss and uncertainty that he and his mom felt every day that they didn’t find a lead. 

[Nearly two years, and not even a body. He was still out there. He had to be.]

.

James came to with a sharp gasp that quickly turned into a snarl, and started thrashing again.

Where was he? When was he? That squadron had come out of nowhere and they’d just stuck him in cryo and he was supposed to check in and oh God, not again never again he refused he’d die before HYDRA could wipe him again—

“Hey, easy there!” A sleek black and gunmetal grey robot yelped, one hand flying up while the other continued holding the door to his chamber open. “Friendly, here, area’s secure for now.  You’re safe.”

“Who are you.” James immediately asked, pinning him with the darkest glare he had to focus on the now rather than— [were Maria and Tony safe? Had they been captured too? Oh fu— no, not now, later] other things. 

“Funny you should mention that. I am Iron Man.” The robot replied, and then the faceplate lifted up and oh.

Oh, no.

“Sorry I’m late,” a Tony who was far older than the teenager he’d said goodbye to that morning [not ‘that morning’ oh gods how long had he been out—] grinned ruefully back at him. “But I’m here to rescue you.”

[chubbyooo]

Blurred Lines:Cursed Past Chapter 70: The Ranger

first of all how have there been 70 of these things my lord XD not much else to say except my country is in lockdown so plenty of incentive to write

Ash and Gacen continue their search for the ranger

Ash peered through the macrobinoculars as she heard an audible groan from the whiney impatient zabrak for maybe the hundredth time today “ugghhhhhhhh how long is this going to taaaaake” Ash set her binoculars down and let out a sigh. They had set up lookout on top of the ship and he was lying flat on the top of the hull clearly frustrated with how long they had been here, but he wasn't the only one and his incessant whining was making it so much worse.

Ash took a deep breath “I don’t know Gacen but what did you expect we weren’t just going to instantly find this ranger guy, they said they only come around now and again” Gacen turned over groaning into the ships hull Ash rolled her eyes this week had truly shown what an impatient child he could be

Ash had to admit she was excited they were so close though maybe it’d help her compulsive need to help the prick, “I knowwww I’m just sooo booored” he had a point she was pretty bored too even she had her limits. Ash scoffed at the wines of Gacen how would she shut him up she looked around her and noticed a hydro spanner she’d brought up to secure her lookout, she smiled giving it an underarm toss next to Gacen. It hit the hull with a clang and Gacen jumped up with a loud yelp, Ash snorted with laughter as she watched him stumble around for balance. Eventually he turned to Ash “Hey what the fuck that could have hit me Ash” Ash just smiled at him as he sulked 

Ash smirked “you had it coming” Gacen frowned at her as he sat back down not appreciating her fun “to be fair you always have it coming a little bit” Gacen began to sulk looking away “oh come on dude I was only joking” he looked like a kid who’d been denied his favourite toy “you are not going to make me feel bad about this how dare you” I smile crept across the edge of his face, Ash groaned “I hate you so much” why was she like this

He smirked “I had you going though you’re so easy to make feel bad I swear” Ash had to admit he was right it was way too easy, she took another look through the macrobinoculars still nothing.

They waited for another few hours before Ash caught something entering the atmosphere “Gacen Gacen look there’s actually something up there” she pointed but quickly realised that Gacen was asleep. She watched as the moderately sized craft came into view; it wasn’t the same cruiser they had found at the Horned Rancors base in fact much bigger but she imagined Risha wouldn’t want to show that off. It seemed like it could house tons of people but it would certainly be comfortable for a droid, in any case it looked promising. They needed to look more conspicuous; she jumped and slid down to where Gacen was picking him up by the collar and heading off the roof of the ship as quick as she could.

As she jumped down to the ground Gacen woke up looking around “what’s going on” he struggled in her grip but gave up quickly, she lead them under the ship behind the landing ramp and shushed him

She whispered “there’s a ship coming in looks like it could be the ranger” Gacen nodded his face lighting up

He whispered back “finally, well let’s get out there” he looked down realising Ash was still holding him limp by the collar he sighed “do I weigh anything to you?” Ash hadn’t even realised she was still holding him

Ash smiled “not really it’s like a warm up dumbbell” Gacen sulked wriggling out of Ash’s grip “Ok like we rehearsed you go ‘meet’ with him and put the fake tracker on him I’ll put the real one on the ship” Gacen nodded and started to head towards the town. 

It was a bit of a convoluted plan but Ash thought the only way the droid would feel safe is if they had thought they had already removed a tracker, especially if it was Risha’s droid. Gacen definitely had the better chance at acting like an idiot than her, heck he was basically method acting.

Ash waited until she saw the Ranger droid cross the wasteland towards the town, it really looked like one of those lone ranger types you’d find on rural planets it had the poncho and everything. Although that was probably to hide the droid parts it’s movements were very robotic though it was amazing it hadn’t been caused but then again that town wasn’t exactly advanced.

Soon Ash was making her way towards where she saw the ship land and soon found herself outside a Starscape-Class yacht this was not a cheap buy to say the least and what? it was used for transport, very outside its job description. She made sure her gun was at the ready and got out her slicing gear, soon she had lowered the landing ramp and watched as turrets lowered ready to shoot her but didn’t fire any bolts thanks to some more quick slicing. She crept into the rather large ship and quickly found it was full to the brim with boxes the vast majority of them empty, she wondered what Gacen would say to a Yatch being used for such ‘crude’ transportation. She knew she should just plant the tracker and go but she had to admit she was curious, she made her way to the engine room and sure enough the little contraption they’d bought on Gabredor III was attached to this engine too, the chances of this being Risha was only increasing.

She made her way to the cockpit which took her way too long with the size of the ship but eventually she reached the cockpit and found it just as full of boxes as everywhere else this droid sure didn’t know much about comfort. Her comm fluttered to life suddenly “Ash the Ranger’s on their way back you need to get out of there” Ash’s mind returned back to the reasons she was here, she found a random box unlikely to be checked and placed the tracker on the inside before making her way to the entrance. 

She made her way out and quickly ran for cover looking at her datapad and beginning to try and close the landing ramp before the ranger returned, it had just about closed when she heard the sound of mechanical movement into the space. She peered over the rocks to see them head towards the door seemingly oblivious to her presence, she watched as they flicked off the tracker Gacen had placed on them, good thing too she was starting to worry this had been unnecessary. The ramp descended and they began to walk up but then she watched as they peered around the area for a second, she shrunk down hoping she hadn’t been spotted. After the longest second of her life they continued up the ramp and Ash waited there until they were taken off and far away, she let out a long sigh of relief all was looking good

She quickly made her way back to the ship where Gacen was already plotting in the coordinates with the tracker “nice one Ash that dumb droid had no idea about the second tracker” Ash smiled jumping into the cockpit seat.

Ash looked to Gacen “alright let’s follow that droid, there were a load of odd things in the ship I think we’re on the right track dude this might be it” Gacen smiled back before a wave of nervousness crossed his face

Gacen looked away and swallowed “yeah I uh I guess it’s time” Ash smiled at him taking his hand, she could feel it shaking as she took it.

Ash wasn’t good at sentimentality but she’d try “dude it’s gonna be just fine and trust me if she’s a bitch to you I will kick her ass ok” was that ok she couldn’t tell

Gacen nodded a slight smile crossing his face “yeah I know Ash, I’ve played this moment over in my mind so many times good and bad but now it’s here I feel like I dunno if I can even take it” Ash nodded she kind of understood the sentiment

Ash smiled “dude it’s going to be fine I promise I’m here for you regardless” Gacen took a long deep breath and then grabbed the controls to give chase 

Gacen held the controls tight “you’re right it’s gonna be fine, next stop Rish”...

[mintseesaw]

Perks and a Touch of Repercussion

Pairing: yoongi x reader

Genre: fluff, boyfriend!au

Word count: 2.6k

Warning: none

Summary: soft yoongi in a concept, that’s it.

“What the fuck—” that was the only thing he could utter under his breath after walking in inside their shared bedroom. His sleepy state courtesy of his boring classes was right away replaced by annoyance. Not again.

His eyes clenched shut after taking in the figuratively minimal but enormous in size alteration made in the room.

Just as he was about to growl out your name determined to locate you wherever you are in the apartment for a reprimanding session, you magically appeared from the closet holding a laundry basket in one hand as you seemed surprise by his presence. You were not expecting him to be home for about two hours more. His classes for today does not end until after 5.

“Oh, hey babe. You’re early...” From the looks of your features, you don't seem to notice his lingering irritation seeping through his sharp eyes.

“YN, what did you do to our bedroom?” He gritted monotonously, his eyes narrowing. His tone alone sparks a tiny fear in you.

It was only then recognition hit you like a bulb suddenly lighting up inside your brain. Scanning the room through your glasses that almost occupy half of your face, your cheeks suddenly flaring up at the sudden realization. You forgot to ask him, beforehand. “Uh… I changed the wallpaper?” You discreetly prodded, eyes going round innocently, hoping to get his support. In his expression alone, you gathered he didn’t.

“I can see that, baby. But—pink? Really?” He taunted, eyes narrowing in pure judgment of your deed. How did you even do it without his help? You’re tiny in comparison with his height.

“What’s wrong with the color?”

“Nothing, YN, if we didn’t agree not to put any color on the walls.” Oh. The talk must have slipped in your mind.

When you moved in together, the apartment was painted aesthetically in white and gray and Yoongi convinced you not to redecorate the interior design of the house without both your consents because knowing you, he wanted to guarantee you would not touch it unless it’s necessary. Guilt slowly creeping into you as your lips protrude unconsciously in pure embarrassment.

Now you’re looking so adorable, it didn’t go unnoticed from his observing eyes despite his never ending frustration from your unnecessary advances in the apartment. He would not fall for your charm, though.

Your head lowering when you mumbled, “But it’s cute, Yoongi.”

He groans audibly closing his eyes shut. Does he really not have a single ounce of strength in him to go against your little ministrations? He could only do so much as scold you every time you do something weird or strange. Last week, you just bought 10 pillows of different sizes and shapes like the whole apartment is in crisis of pillows. Not to mention that you’re supposed to be in a budget for you and Yoongi have yet to cover the unpaid balance of both your tuition fees as you manage all the bills because he couldn’t do it without losing his shit.

Recently, you just had enough of his drunk ass driving at night four times in a row so you put him in a liquor limit. Like, who ever does put someone in a liquor limit? Not even his parents did it to him. Apparently, only his girlfriend can and the sole witch who has the power over him because he obediently followed it anyway although he still thinks it’s ridiculous. Even so, you still stock a few bottles of soju and a bottle of wine or two for him to drink at home. And he loves the considerate side of you, even how crazy you get sometimes.

He sincerely appreciates how you expertly organize and handle everything that needs to be taken care of in your lives and he’s thankful for having you in his for you seemed to make it easier than how he handled it alone.

He is undoubtedly and hopelessly in love with you, but he swore you will be the death of him. He thought the day would never come when he would learn to shrug off your obsession with cleanliness. Hoarding toilet papers, tissues, wipes, disinfectant sprays, and antibacterial soaps, and especially your ridiculous house rules. Shoes off in the bedroom, bed sheets anew three times a week, mandatory hand sanitizing after bathroom breaks, clothes in neat folds and stacked by categories, and the most unforgiving one—no sex after taking a shower arguing that you do not want to perspire right after cleaning yourself. Although it’s the rule he gets to bend the most, alluring you in any way he can to make you submit to his bidding.

Despite catching your look of expectancy to his reply, he turns his back to you, walking out of the room, and occupied the cushioned seat in the living room with a displeased state. You were silently tailing behind him and as he took a seat in the sofa, you put the hamper down, the intention to do the laundry set aside temporarily as you have a sudden mission to get his permission although the deed was carried out in advance. There’s no way you would remove the new wallpaper. It’s not even cheap! It would be a waste of money to change it back again.

Sitting next to him as his arms crossed after turning the television off not letting you hold any of his hands. It’s a habit of yours to entwine your fingers with his and thumbs his knuckles when you try to console him. You scooted closer to his side, “Babe, are you mad?”

“I am, so are you gonna remove that now?” He retorted without even giving you a glance.

“It’s a pastel one, Yoongi.” You tried, but he only raised an eyebrow, titling his head to size you up. “So?”

Pouting in defeat, “It’s a soft shade and I’m sure it doesn’t strain your eyes.” Your eyebrows lifted in anticipation of a positive outcome from exerting a tiny effort.

“You still broke the agreement.”

You shook his arm lightly, trying to shift his attention back to you as he tries to avoid your presence, childishly.

Until you suggested something, “If you want, you get to choose for the movie later…” his eyes were instantly on yours, staring back at you with a knowing look, letting you know he’s attentive and urging you to continue. What else does he want?

Your eyebrows formed a straight line, pondering, “I’ll clean the dishes for a week?” You proposed mindlessly before even realizing what you just did.

“Two.” He quickly declared before you had the chance to take it back, smirking as victory is favoring his side. You’re about to protest, mouth wide open and ready to burst your argument but stopped yourself thinking he would ask for more privileges if you object to his demand.

Sulkily, you sighed while he finally let his arms rest on both his sides leaning his back against the cushioned backrest.

“Fine,” you uttered, finally accepting defeat. He chuckled at your adorable-looking sullen expression, planting a soft peck to the tip of your nose in pure adoration.

When night came, you peered in the screen in patience as he contemplates over selecting the first film of the night. He didn’t say anything, however, when he made up his mind, he straight away typed in the search bar through the remote control. Through your keen observation, you already knew what movie he’s selected after two letters appeared in the empty, horizontal bar in the screen.

“We’ve watched that for 21 times,” you slumped in the sofa, whining as if it would change Yoongi’s mind. He has the advantage tonight and he needs to utilize it well. Although you loved Black Panther, seeing it too many times already feels like a drag on to have it play for two hours. It’s the same reason he chose to play it this time. It could be his only chance to watch it again. Somehow, you always find a way of winning the privilege of selecting a movie during your movie nights.

“We’ll watch it, anyway.” His shoulders making a shrugging motion, a direct nonchalant response to your complaint.

“Just this once,” muttering under your breath and it didn’t reach his ears as you close the distance between your bodies to tuck in yourself to his side, snuggling the material of his hoodie on his chest. His left arm securing your body against his, instinctively. Yoongi left a quick kiss on the top of your head before completely turning his attention from the movie playing in front.

Not even 10 minutes after Yoongi pressed the movie play through the remote control, and you’re already dozed off comfortably on his side, face buried over the length of his neck. He didn’t seem to mind your constant breaths fanning softly against his skin and the numbing muscles of his arm wrapped over your back. His attention purely directed to his favorite Marvel movie.

He didn’t move in the duration of the movie playing, too comfortable in his seat plus your body heat feels good in contrast to the cold weather.

Movie night, huh. He shook his head as the interest to watch another film dissipating knowing that his date already fell asleep.

Before the credits even rolled through the screen and halfway through the last scene, he was already in his feet, your form securely gathered in his arms to tuck you in bed, careful not to wake you up. He places you on the mattress as gentle as possible knowing you’re a light sleeper. Yoongi stares at your figure as you unconsciously snuggle further on the fluffy pillow. You look so cute and tiny wearing his oversized sweater which looks even bigger now that you’re wearing it. He admits he’s not as tall as Namjoon, his bestfriend. And yet he’s still left astonished how he seems taller than his actual height when you stood next to him.

It’s so tempting to cuddle you with how comfortable you look but he has to clean up the little mess in the living room and wash the dishes. Your punishment. Shaking his head for in the end, he is still left to do your supposedly exclusive chore for the next two weeks.

“YN,” He whines but does not move an inch to swat your hand away from his chin. He has a fucking pimple on his right cheek which rarely ever happens. And now his girlfriend is treating it with something he forgot what it’s called.

“It does not hurt that much.” You responded as you recall how tea tree oil felt like when applied whenever you have a break out.

“It fucking stings.” He complained further, and as you dab another coat through the cotton bud, the stinging sensation only prolongs its existence. He winces helplessly, and you smacked his hand when you quickly processed his intention to touch the swelling, red blotch.

“Stop being a baby.” you scolded, and continued as he attempted to touch it again, “Hands off…” He disgruntledly obeyed your instruction.

Your soft chuckle echoed through the living room witnessing him in full anguish as if someone physically beat him up. He really has low tolerance of pain.

You kissed his forehead affectionately in an effort to redirect his attention. And when you pulled away to stare at him, his lips were slightly pushed forward in a pout, silently asking you for a kiss. You smiled before planting chaste kisses in his rosy lips. “Such a baby,” you mumbled in between the kisses against his plump ones.

“Make it up to me,” he gently commanded which sounded more likely as a whine than the intent itself.

You stared at him for a second, before replying, “Why? I didn’t cause that.”

“It doesn’t hurt until you put that mint something, are you sure it’s not a toothpaste?”

“Toothpaste?” You laughed at his remark, “It’s a tea tree oil, baby. It helps relieve swelling zits, I was only helping you and… oh don’t pop it. It would leave a scar on your skin.”

Like I can do that, you wouldn’t even let me touch my face, he argued back silently.

“Come here,” you made a gesture pointing on his face indicating for him to lean his face closer to yours. He scrunched up his face too lazy to move, but followed your command with an exasperating sigh. Cupping his face in discretion of the tender blotch of his cheek, tilted his face to the side so you can examine it, before softly blowing an air directly to it, soothing its tenderness.

“You okay, now?”

He sluggishly nodded. You rolled your eyes, used to his seemingly energy lacking response.

“Why don’t you relieve something else,” and the side of his mouth curling up in a suggestive grin.

Your eyes narrowing as you look at him in disbelief. “You whiny little baby, I just took a shower,” and threw him a look after, which he silently reads as ‘Are you serious?’

He nonchalantly shrugs his shoulders, “I don’t care, broke your little rule too many times.”

Despite establishing that rule, nothing can ever stop you from desiring your attractive and enchanting boyfriend. It’s always a constant battle against yourself when it comes to wanting Yoongi. Like now, you didn’t directly turn his proposition down when you suggested, “Later?”

Shaking his head in stark disagreement, delaying it would only cause him another ache. “Now.”

“Yoongi, I’m too lazy to shower again.”

Rolling his eyes, he tauntingly answered back, “Then don’t. Why do you even bother taking a shower twice? Once is enough.”

“I feel sticky after doing...it”

“Never fucking mind.” He curses crossing his arms out his frustration clearly seeping through his tone.

“What about making out?” You offered all of a sudden like it’s a normal thing to suggest a make-out session just to avoid sex. Besides, kissing you does nothing but arouses and intensifies his need for you.

He tilted his head in question. “Isn’t that the same thing?”

“No? It only requires kissing.”

“Pfft, I’m telling you it would inevitably lead to some action-packed that would cause us to sweat a lot. You wouldn’t like that now, would you, baby?” He mockingly said, giving a hard emphasis on the part which you try so hard to elude of, like sweating is deadly or something.

You’re not that feeble with his advances to let him have his control over you through his kisses, are you? You don’t think so. “Wanna test the theory?” You probed.

“Sure.” He smugly answered like he already knows what would happen.

And even before you had the chance to prepare yourself from the impending make out session, Yoongi already pulled you closer giving you no room to back out, crashing his lips to yours and winces against the plump pair of your lips every now and then when you accidentally touch the sensitive spot of his right cheek.

Soon after the little experiment, Yoongi has finally debunked your argument now that you’re lying naked beneath him, you caught a smug look on his face before he dips his head to claim what truly belongs to him.

He had to savor and enjoy this moment while it lasts especially now that you’re in a state of euphoric bliss, barely moving to stop his advances. Because he’s sure when you both are done catching your breaths and covered with sweat, he probably wouldn’t hear the end of it.

Until then, he has to make the two of you temporarily satiated from the prolonged and leaking mutual need that.

mintseesaw © 2019

⇀

an: something light and short which I came up with this after starting an ex-lover au three days ago but was not in the mood to finish something angsty at the moment

[schoolastica]

A babe with a baby

AlphaPeterxOmegaTony

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. The opinions here expressed are not my own but are a way of moving the story forwards. Please, remember this is a work of fiction about fiction characters. 

Okay, everyone always writes about how hot and sweet Omega Peter would be with much older and wiser Alpha Tony, but can you imagine the ANGST that Tony being an older Omega could be?

……………………………………………………………………………………

A babe with a baby

Tony watched silently as his boyfriend blowed his birthday candles. The Avengers decided to throw Peter a party for his nineteen years on this earth. Everyone had a party hat on, Wanda had bought a cake in a famous bakery and a slow music was playing on. They had wine but none of them let Peter take a sip (God Almighty, Peter was so young he couldn’t drink yet). Peter blowed the candles surrounded by the crew and soon searched the room to catch Tony’s eyes and gave his big, toothy smile.

Tony smiled at him painfully. Peters birthday made he feel unease. See, Tony Stark was an omega. In this year, being an omega isn’t so bad, omegas have rights now, they command army’s and most recently, Iron Man was an omega. But Tony was born 37 years ago, a time where ‘Alphas of gold” was still a saying. When Omegas were supposed to be weak and care for the house and Alphas were supposed to be strong, manly and mad. Tony fighter a lot to be taken seriously, lots of suppressants and never mating, never having children and building Iron Man from the scratch.

In 37 years, Tony saw the world a lot. Imagine his surprise when recruiting Peter Parker to a mission, he had analysed the kid’s profile and thought he was an omega. The kid (yes, a kid, he was so, so young) was petit, intelligent beyond marks. He was caring, his best friends were omegas, his spider senses made him extra sensitive, which made the cry a lot. Yes, an alpha. That cried, cooked, read good books, was a romantic gentleman, smelled amazing and…….and….

Tony felt the first of slick start running in his underwear and he saw Peter catching his scent in the air, while cutting the cake’s first piece. Tony was still on heavy suppressants, and no one that didn’t had a thing for Tony wouldn’t smell it, but Peter’s nose was trained for Tony’s scent. Peter had a crush in Tony since he was 15 years old, only had been sworn over to the boy since the recruitment but they only kissed 7 months ago, and they officially started dating 3 months ago. Their relationship was still on the phase where any horniness was welcome, and they had sex in any surface possible.

 Last month Peter shared Tony’s heat and it was better than any heat Tony ever had. Peter was so overwhelmed with Tony’s rich scent, the feel of his hole and the mating claim (nothing happened though) that he had cried of pleasure. It hadn’t felt like a dirty, cheap fuck in heat, it had felt like making love. The party was coming to a slowly end, Thor was already passed out, Steve was already sleeping, the reminiscent were eating cake and talking easily. Peter sat beside Tony with a huge piece of cake and started sharing it with him. That was just such a Peter thing to do, to care for his omega in small ways.

Peter was officially 19 years old. He was living in the shared quarters of Tony already, but their relationship was only known by their family and friends. Some Paparazzi already had some pictures of Tony and Peter together, but it was all rumours for now. Peter was on MIT and patrolling as Spider-Man most of the nights and at the end he ended in Tony’s bedroom. When the piece of cake was done, Tony looked around and realized that everybody had gone so he took Peter’s hand and guided him to their bedroom.

7 months of relationship and Tony still couldn’t believe how sweet Peter was. Sex with him wasn’t about hurry or quick pleasure. It wasn’t dirty or shameful, or even painful, like some of Tony’s past experiences had been. Peter was romantic, soft, he had loving words to praise Tony with and constantly said he was lucky to have him. Tony always loved a good fuck, angry sex, but until now he couldn’t get enough of this love. If this boy asked for the moon Tony was sure to get it for him.

But then the morning came, and Peter had to get up eventually. He had an early class, so he kissed Tony’s hairline and got up, heading to the kitchen to make breakfast (for the both of them). Tony was a morning person, he got up early and helped Peter with breakfast but today, he was so tired, it was almost comical. He was feeling exhausted, probably because of the scotch he had last night, but as soon as the smell of bacon entered the room, Tony felt like he was dying. He jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, spilling everything he had eating in what looked like a whole week worth of food in the toilet. Oh oh, that was not a good sign.…………………………………………………………………………………………Shit shit shit shit shit shit. Tony was pacing in the bathroom,15 pregnancy tests in the sink, all positive.  This wasn’t supposed to happen. Tony was in suppressants, he was almost at the end of an Omega’s healthy reproductive life, they used condoms all the time. Well, not all the time. Tony stopped and made some basic math, thinking back his heat and about maybe the 15 hours period that they went without condoms and about how suppressants don’t work during heats. Suppressants were a birth control way, they made your heats even in time, safer and more kept you smelling clean and beta-like during your normal days.They didn’t work during the heat time, specially without condoms.

Anyways, this was bad. 

Tony made a mental list of all the reasons why it was bad:

 1-      Tony decided, long time ago, that to be the best he couldn’t be like other omegas. No mate, no children. It didn’t matter that the thought about having a baby now, Peter’s baby....

 2-      They were Avengers, they fighter criminals. Tony’s body was bruised beyond fixing. Peter spend his night patrolling and with Tony expecting a child it would be impossible to fight. Or to live without fear. That led to a much bigger problem in Tony’s life now:

 3- Peter.

Peter was freaking 19 years old. He was far from graduating; he had an entire life ahead of him. In many ways he was still like a child: he ate too much sugar, he spended too much time in Snapchat with his friends. He liked to do movie marathons or some young things like that. If Tony told him about the baby, he was sure Peter would stay, he would ask Tony to mate. But it wasn’t fair, not to Peter, not to them as a couple. Tony always thought Peter would stay with him only for a while, a couple of years until he found an omega his age, when he wanted to settle down. If Peter asked to mate only because of morals......Tony was not sure if he could take it.

 Mr. Parker just arrived at the Penthouse, sir J.A.R.V.I.S informed. Tony took all the tests and threw them into the trash bin. He then proceeded to cover the trash bin with all the toilet paper in the world and to throw some water in his face and only then he got out of the bathroom. Peter was already on the kitchen making some snack, he used to leave early for some patrol time. Tony stole some moments for himself to just watch the boy, to see him looking at some old tech like it was gold. Tony decided for them.…………………………………………………………………………

As soon as Peter left, Tony called Happy to take him to a place. Happy didn’t complain, after all it was his job. But once he parked in front of the address Tony had gave him, Happy went completely silent and starred ahead of him. Tony hated when Happy got like that, its meat he had some hurtful things in his mind. Happy and Tony sat in silence contemplating the building in front of them like a death sentence.

-  Does he know? - Tony could see that Happy was breathing heavily, like if he was running out of breath- Does Peter know?

-  I’m deciding for his future. - Tony words were hesitating

.- Its not fair Tony, and you know it- Now Happy seemed shake, clearing his front head with his hands- Lets make a deal: you tell Peter about it tonight and if he reacts okay, I buy you cheeseburgers forever; if you still want to come here, I drive and stay with you as long as its necessary. Deal?

Really, Tony couldn’t say no to a deal like that. They started the car and left back to the Penthouse, leaving Planned Parenthood behind.………………………………………………………………………………….

So, Tony went back to the Penthouse and started in formulating a plan, or at least a way of telling Peter. Tony remembered fights and the bad guys that would love to take the baby away. He recalled his friends, that would love a baby. His heart was filled with love thinking about his lover. His guts were filled with a dread feeling when he remembered the paparazzi’s, the media incessant circus around his life. What would they do with a baby?

He was sited on the living room when Peter came thru the window. He used to come dressed in his uniform than change and go to bed, but he stopped on his tracks when he saw Tony there.

- Hey Tony- Peter’s voice was soft as a whisper when he leaned down to kiss Tony’s check. – I thought you would be in bed at this time.

- I was looking at some papers- Tony lied- I was sorting some things out and decided to wait for you.

Peter hummed and step out of his uniform to his pajamas that waited for him in a cupboard in the living room. Peter started his usual bubbling talk about his patrolling shift today, about helping old ladies and saving children from cars in fire. Tony stared at him in wonder, questioning hoe to say what he wanted to say. Right when Peter asked if Tony was feeling like having midnight snack, Tony let the bomb drop.

- I’m pregnant.

Peter stopped in his way to the kitchen and glared at him. Tony could imagine it crystal clear, Peter’s hurt look and his voice saying I’m not ready yet Tony! How could you let this happen? But when he looked at Peter’s face, all he could see was a toothy smile. Peter collided with him, making them both fall at the nearest cough and hugged Tony like he was air.

 - I could smell it on you, I just didn’t want to say anything- Peter murmured in Tony’s hair.

-  Yeah, but it’s not right, Peter! - Tony manhandled Peter out of the embrace. He got up and started pacing the room while facing Peter- You’re not even done with half of your school! There’s so much at stake here, so many things to lose…

Peter once again hugged Tony, gentler this time, slowly calming Tony until they were breathing equally. When Tony’s heartbeat was in a normal rate, Peter let him go and looked deeply into his eyes.

- Listen to me, Anthony Stark. I’m yours and you are mine. I know that having a baby now its going to be hard, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.And for God’s sake, Tony believed in him. He really did. 

[darkcherrywitch]

Behavior Exercise

Hi girls, guys and non-binary pals <3 

This is the scond fanfic i write, this one is inspired in a movie called The Road Within and hopefully my first series so please let me know if you want me to keep posting it, maybe is not as good as i think it is haha i’d really appretiate some feedback, also, english is not my first lenguage so please be nice i’m trying :( 

WARNINGS: 4k+ mentions of drugs, alcohol and mental illness. This fanfic contains sensitive topics like anorexia, OCD and drug addictions if you feel triggered by any of this topics please do not read it. 

“Nineteen, twenty, twenty one, twenty two, twenty three” You could hear Robert whispering a number for each mug whilst cleaning one per one with an anti-bacterial microfiber cloth he just bought yesterday. You take another sip of your non sugared coffee already cold keeping your gaze in your roommate who was onto an old baby blue wooden chair, his favorite, because it was easier to clean than the other ones “Twenty four, twenty five…twenty fiv-five” he stutters with a low voice almost like a secret he can only hear.  You put your mug down on the table knowing what is coming next, like every other morning, he just hated odds numbers.

“Five- twenty fiv-five” He keeps repeating walking back and forth all over the kitchen with his hand scratching his head pulling his blonde curls. “Hey, good morning” A deep British accent stops you from standing up and walking towards Robert making him stop as well. He looked at both of you just to switch his gaze feeling the pressure in the air as he continues to grab an empty plastic cup from the kitchen bar assuming he could get in trouble if he gets anywhere near the mugs shelf.

“Morning, did you have a good rest?” You greet with an awkward smile on your face. Harry moved in just a week ago so it is understandable he’s not fully used to Rob’s breakdowns as you are after nine years. You know Rob since secondary school; a catholic schoolhouse in Portlaoise where special and difficult teenagers were sent by his parents to make them better, doesn’t work pretty well if they ask you.  Robert and you shared some classes and weekly group’s therapy meetings, however, you only knew him as the schizo boy just to find out, years later, he does not suffer from schizophrenia but a severe ODC and constants paranoid episodes, it all got worst four years ago when he came home to find out his mom had left a day before the graduation  night, all she left was a note saying how sorry she was, a load of cash, a blue tuxedo he was supposed to be wearing at the dance and an empty home.

Four years ago

You lost count of how many minutes, maybe hours, you have been staring at the old pink dress your dad had bought you for tonight’s dance, it would be better if he could actually share the evening with you but it was too much to ask, you thought. It had stopped raining some hours ago but a loud splash outside your window snaps you from your deep thoughts about tonight, a rowdy cry followed the splash “SHE LEFT ME, WHY DOES EVERYBODY BLODY LEFT ME?” You ran to your window to see what was happening, and then, you saw Rob on a puddle wearing anything but his underpants and his navy blue tuxedo in his hands all covered in mud, just as him. He was  crying and screaming while Miss Gillen held him helping him for hurting himself  “MY DAD IS DEAD AND MOM HATES ME, I-I ‘AVE NO ONE, NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT ME” He yelled at the sky escaping from Miss Gillen’s arms slapping mercilessly his face and pulling his blonde hair roughly.

You have spent almost a decade in that hypocrite househole where religious people pretended to know what was good and bad, and even worst, pretending they care about all of you. You knew people were lonely back there, after all, most of you were abandoned by your families, they just gave up on most of you and you were aware of that. You knew everyone there was ill, was broken and alone, new people came and then they left, some people have been taken to the hospital after a breakdown and they have never returned, it was hard to live in a place like that were you could share breakfast with someone just to wake up the next day with their bed empty and another casket full, that’s why you decided to not make any friends, carrying with other person’s problems could destroyed you just as much as losing another loved one, but when you saw him all covered in mire when just yesterday he cried in the middle of the cafeteria because he spilled a drop of tea in his pants something changed in you. You almost didn’t recognize him; it was the same guy who couldn’t even walk outside his bedroom without latex gloves, however he was there outside your room, broken and scared. He had no one and you knew that feeling.

“Rumor has it you have your own place now” You said having a sit next to him in cafeteria two days after the dance. He looked strange at you “do yo-do you eat?” He answered you sharply but those comments didn’t bother you anymore. You smiled at him taking a sip of your water bottle “so, is it true?” You insisted “‘s not mine, ‘s me mums” he mumbled cleaning the spot of the table you just removed your hand from. “But she left” you say abruptly making him look at you, finally getting some strong eye contact, he kept silence trying not to cry, you leaned closer to him and whispered “when are we escaping this hole then?”.

Now

It’s been four years since you convinced Rob to leave that place, four years since you’ve been living together in that house his mom had left for him, and four years of the only caring human interaction you both have; you take care for each other and you could say it was the first time in ages that you haven’t feel lonely.

“Could been better if I’m honest” Harry replies with a cheeky smile “Of course it could have been better, it could have been better if you just would stop yourself from snoring the whole night” Robert cuts Harry off “Did you know he goes to sleep without taking a shower? and WE have to share room it’s just unacceptable, unaccepta- unacceptable” You can see Rob’s face turning red and his eyes looking at you almost popping out at the memory of last night.

“Oh I’m sorry, did my snoring muffle that boring music you sleep with?” Harry says without looking at him as he pours some orange juice to his cup “It’s not my fault you don’t appreciate quiet music you cheap ass Mick Jagger” Robert spits roughly making Harry giggle as he decides to stop the argue blowing him a kiss. He was cheeky and irreverent and you like that, Harry was like a new specimen like a new world you wish to explore, it was something you have never seen before, neither you or Rob haven’t met anyone like Harry, you feel excited about this new experience even though now and then you feel guiltiness for making Rob go through this, you know he’s not looking forward this as much as you are, in fact since Harry is living with you Rob’s stress levels has been higher than usual.

When you left the clinic you decided come up with a plan to keep both of you sane, you knew Rob’s money it wasn’t going to last more than a few months and his disability allowance was not enough for both of you, so you decided to get a job and attend to some free therapy session at a community center near Rob’s house, and that’s how Harry came into your life.

One month ago

What it seemed like a normal summer rain predicting its end becomes a dreadful storm within minutes. You make you steps larger covering your head with your old jacked which is completely useless as you try to rush Rob who is a couple steps behind you freaking out because his boots and the bottom of his pants are all covered in mud. There’s only a couple of blocks left to the community center where both of you attend to the weekly sessions that keep yourself sort of sane. You arrive to the center soaking wet and just in time to the session, however, you spend a few minutes taking care of Rob helping him to clean himself.

Both of you take a seat in the circle in the middle of the huge cold room; the therapist, Arthur welcomes you with a big smile understanding the weather was not something you could control or change. “So now that we’re complete…” he stand up and says looking at Rob and you “Are you okay, Robert?” he asks kindly to what Rob just nods “great, now I want to start this meeting introducing our new member, he comes all the way from London so I ask you to be nice and make him feel welcome”.

You were too busy taking care of your friend and cursing at the wind that you haven’t notice the new member of the group; a tall white guy with silky curls, they seem recently wet as well even tho he doesn’t look bother about it. Your gaze travels his figure from bottom to top; he’s wearing some old used boots, a pair of blue jeans and a grey hoodie. You notice his big and strong hands as he says hi to the group with one of them; both decorated with multiple rings, It’s not until your glance meets his big emerald eyes ornamented with some bags under them that you realized you are probably staring too much, as you try to look somewhere else you see he offers a smile at you; not yet a malicious one, not yet a kindly one, it was more like something in between; a cheeky lovely but arrogant smile.

“Hi, I’m Harry, Nice to meet you all” He says briefly without taking his eyes off of you he looks at the rest of the group smiling still just to sit down again. You could hear some distant and slow claps, probably your partners are just as confused as you; most of the introductions were followed by a whole crazy story of why are they there and even some tears and breakdowns but never just a cheeky smile and a breathtaking glance. “You probably want to tell us why you’re here Harry” Arthur says looking at him.

“’kay, if you want me to” He says rubbing his palms on his thighs looking at the ground until he speaks again “…I’m a sex addict” he looks up staring challenging at Arthur chuckling. Arthur looks quite annoyed he probably knows what the newbie’s here for, you’ve shared these sessions with some sex addicts they only last two or three weeks top, but you are pretty sure he’s just joking. “Probably just another junkie” Rob speaks up louder than he expected. The whole room is filled with silence for a couple seconds even you fell Harry deep gaze on Rob “Wanna bet pretty boy? can show you”

“Harry is here because he’s trying to keep himself sober and we’re to help him, okay?” Arthur interrupts quickly “He’s new in town so if you know about some apartment available for him would be a great favor”. The rest of the session keeps going pretty normal even though you can’t focus on any of your partners, you are too confused yet intrigued about the whole new guy situation; after that interaction you can tell Rob has been tense since then, on the other side Harry seems cool about it, you were expecting him being an asshole with the rest of the group as they share their week with you, but instead he listens carefully, looking attentive to each person who stands up, he even shares some advices with them, good advices. Robs is kind of right, he is a junkie, still he is not just another junkie, there was something different about him and you want it to find out.

“Hey, so the new guy is looking for somewhere to live” You say to Rob who was cleaning the snack table of the therapy room. “There are a lot of bridges he can live under” He replies without looking at you, he was too focused stacking some water bottles carefully. You take a piece of fruit and a bottle of water as you feel Arthur Gaze on you “I was thinking he can live with us, we have a spare room” Robert stops abruptly his stacking process just to give you a perplexed look “are you seriously suggesting me to offer my house to a bloody drug addict we just literally met just because he’s hot?”

“C’mon… I never said he was hot” Rob turns his face back to the table cleaning something else you don’t even see “That’s not the point, I’m not letting a stranger sleeping under my roof”  “You let me sleep under your roof, beside, we can actually use some extra money” you say looking for the new guy in the room “and he seems fun” Robert grunts rolling his eyes at the sight of you looking for him. “Robert, Y/N, we’re about to the closure would you please join us?” Arthur says from a distance. “take it as behavior exercise” You insist Rob with a begging look with both of your hands together “I’ll think about it” He cuts the conversation walking away from you.

One week ago

You make your way into de kitchen to find Rob finishing his cleaning routine; you overslept this morning understandable after keeping yourself with almost anything but water for the last three days. “Morning babe” You said weakly to your friend as he quickly reach a chair for you to sit “Hey, I made you some breakfast” He says as he opens the fridge taking out a plate with fruit and oats “There’s no need Rob, I’m going to be late to work” You say as you try to stand up  but he grabs your arm in order to stop you from getting up, you look at his hand wrapped around your arm and look back at him in shock; his germophobia doesn’t let him have any physical interaction with other people, he never touches anybody and freaks out when somebody touches him. Is the first time in years you’ve feel his touch; even though he’s wearing latex gloves as usual you can feel the warm emanating from his big and soft hand.

“You might take care of me most of the time but I’m not stupid Y/N, I know you haven’t eaten a full meal in four days, so please, sit down and eat your breakfast” He finally releases your arm as he walks to his room to probably change his gloves. The whole situation leaves so speechless that you don’t have any other choice to do what you’ve been told. You can’t remember a time when Robert has ever touched you or at least without having a crisis, definitely your relationship has grown a lot in those couple years and now it seems like he cares about you more every day and part of you couldn’t just let him down.  

As you keep eating your meal and thinking about your relationship with Rob a knock on the door snaps you out to reality and you hear Rob rushing to the door “no, no, you can’t leave the table until you finish”. He reaches to the door and takes a big breathe before open it just to find a pair of emerald eyes looking at him “Oh Hi, nice to see you again Pretty boy” Harry says after finishing his cigarette and stepping on it “Oh it’s you, what do you want?” he asks hiding half of his body behind the door. Harry smirks and shows him the black suitcase he was holding. Robert knew what he was there for he just forgot about it when he looked into his eyes. Today is the day that Harry moves into the house; after a couple endless nights convincing Rob of letting him stay today you got yourself a new roommate.

“Oh, right, come on in, I guess” Rob says opening the door wider for Harry to come in. “Take your shoes off” Robert adds without looking at him walking towards the kitchen “Normally I only accept to take my clothes off after a couple of drinks but for you pretty b..” “We don’t use shoes inside the house, that’s the first rule, it’s not a joke” Rob cuts Harry off abruptly facing him again “Okay, take it easy they’re off” Harry says without erasing his cheeky smile of his face “I think we didn’t even say hi properly ” Harry adds offering his hand to Rob, he has heard that he’s quite special to interact with but there’s no person in the world that Harry can’t just win over, he’s irrelevant and funny and just full of natural charm, everybody likes him and he’s aware of that but there is something in Rob Harry just feels attracted to, he likes to push his buttons it’s like a challenge and he has always loved a good challenge.

Robert stares at Harry’s Hand for a moment “I don’t do that” he adds looking back into Harry’s eyes “you don’t do handshakes?” Harry replies chuckling at Rob’s weird affirmation; who doesn’t do handshakes? “I don’t touch people” Robert replies almost yelling at Harry; his face started to turn red and his breathe is getting harder to catch. Harry’s afraid maybe he went too far but it was not his intention at all, he like to mess with people but not like that. “Hey, it’s fine, hi Harry”

You rushed to finish your plate as soon as you heard Harry’s deep voice coming from the door not because you feel excited but because you’re worried about Rob’s reaction, after all they didn’t have a great first meeting. You follow their voices that lead you to the living room; Harry was wearing some regular skinnies and a black t-shirt somehow on him that simple outfit looks like the most complex combination of clothing, a bunch of tattoos covered his arms making him look cooler than the junkie you see every Friday night. Robert raising his voice makes you stop staring at your new roommate and actually talk to him.

“Hey, N/Y, morning” Harry answers with a big smile on his face, you don’t remember his skins glowing as much as it does today it is hard not to stare at him. “Are you ready to move in?” You ask nicely as Robert tries to calm down adjusting his gloves and taking deep breathes “Yep, pretty much” Harry says pointing at his suitcase. You show him the place; is not too big it’s only a small one floor house with three bedrooms but it’s a way to make him feel comfortable. As you show him around Robert starts telling him the most important rules of the house and Harry only nods at both of you.

“So this would be your room” you say finishing the house tour opening the door between Rob’s bedroom and yours “As we told you before It’s not habitable right now, we need to fix the roof and most of the walls they’re almost ruined by humidity, we were thinking maybe with the deposit and probably your first payment we can like fix it meanwhile you can share room with Robert if that’s okay with you” You say showing him where the humidity has damage the roof “Sure, it’s going to be a pleasure” Harry winks at Robert who seems bothered enough already. You can see how annoyed Rob is by this new roommate situation, however, you know if he wouldn’t agree with this he would tell you, besides somehow it seems like he’s more anxious that bothered about it; he thinks you didn’t realize but you saw him cleaning his room twice last night a strange way to say he’s excited about the next day. Maybe both of you are excited about sharing your life with someone new, someone as special as Harry seems to be, maybe it’s just attraction, maybe it’s just Harry’s aura that makes everyone go a little bit crazy about him or maybe it’s only your mind playing tricks on you but at that moment you realized something in your life is about to change drastically and you quite like that.

Now

“C’mon Y/N you have to finish it” Robert says with his elbows on the table resting his head on both of his hands, you’ve been struggling to finish your meal for almost an hour now and Robert is more than exhausted now, you can see it and you feel bad of seeing those lovely green eyes so tired because of you but you just can´t finish it. “I can´t Robert I promise” You say pouting your mouth on a failed attempt of leaving the table. Harry just appears on the kitchen and watches the scene grabbing an apple “take it as a behavior exercise” Rob adds with an exhausted voice. “Behavior exercise? what’s that? Harry asks with his mouth full of the bite he just took.

“Back in the schoolhouse we had exercises to learn how to deal with our illnesses; they made us do things to get tour limits and they just acted like nothing was happening at all” you say playing with the food on your plate. “Once they made me walk with dirty trousers for a whole day!” Robert continues giving Harry an indignant look. Robs turns back at you pushing your plate closer to you.

“Interesting” Harry responds taking the seat in front of you; he search for your gaze and looks right into your eyes getting your full attention as he usually does whenever he’s near you. “C’mon Y/N you’re better than a plate of food, are you gonna let a couple of vegetables defeat you?” the room is filled with silence as he smiles at you and leaves the kitchen making his way out to the porch. If anyone else would say that to you you would throw the plate at them with no hesitation, but the way those words left his mouth like he knew everything about yourself plus the way he looked at you just made you believe every single of them. You look back at Robert who was already falling asleep on the table and continue to finish your meal.

Once your plate is empty you help Robert to go to bed and clean your dishes as you always do. You remember Harry’s outside and decide to make him company smoking your nightly cigarette as usual. He was laying half of his body on the wooden bench of the porch. He looks so lost in his thoughts you almost feel guilty about interrupting because as soon as you step outside he turns and smiles widely at you “How was your behavior exercise?” he say probably joking or probably actually concerned you never know what his intentions are, that man was a complete enigma to you. “Beat the fuck out if it” you say quietly as you stand beside him lighting the last cigarette of the pack. He chuckles loudly in responds.

After that you just stay there enjoying the silence and the smoke coming out of both of your cigarettes; the night is particularly quiet, the stars are shinier and the wind juts take the bunch of your thoughts and concerns with it. It’s nice to spend time with someone who’s not constantly asking if you have washed your hands already or telling you how disgusting is the habit of smoking. None of you feel the need to fill the lack of conversation at that moment; you are so focused on enjoying the moment that you almost don’t realize that out of nowhere Harry decides to break the silence with a question.

“Why did you let me stay in here?” He asks with a husky voice keeping his eyes on his cigarette “Robert thinks you’re hot” you respond after a couple of seconds and even though you are looking at the sky you can feel Harry smiling at your answer. “yeah, well, I don’t blame him” he says annoyingly turning his body towards you “but I’m sure that’s not the only reason why you guys let a good-looking junkie staying at your place, and if you do I’m quite concerned, I must reckon” you face him narrowing your eyes at his smart ass answer.

“Robert and I have this weird dream of make a sheltered for people in need, people who have been abandoned by their families like us, we saw a chance on you” you say letting the smoke of you cigarette fill your lungs and letting it out. “It’s like the biggest behavior exercise you ever had then?” Harry says with an adorable voice, one you’ve never heard before “You might say” You say smiling at him just to continue enjoying the clear sky above you.

[home-working]

The One Where I Become a Product Reviewer

Hey there, fellow kids! Jumping on the already-parked annual back-to-school bandwagon, I bring to you an AWESOME new blog post highlighting my FAVOURITE 15″ LAPTOP BACKPACK PICK! Get ready for at least 145 paragraphs of preamble before I reveal this NUMBER ONE TOP 100% BEST 15″ LAPTOP BACKPACK PICK and DIY BACKPACK HACK!!

I also realised I needed a post in my “lifestyle blog” repertoire that might convince people to send me free products? So this is that post. Search engine optimization.

Backstory

On February 19, 2019, esteemed letterer and all-around Creative Professional Jessica Hische tweeted out that she was looking for a new, fashionable laptop backpack and wanted suggestions. I happened to see this tweet that night and thought, “Maybe I, myself also a Creative Professional, need a new, fashionable laptop backpack as well?” I read through the mostly terrible (???) suggestions from her followers, saw one I liked, and then, with the quick late-night text approval of my probably-drunken sartorial consultant T, impulse-bought a $235 backpack.

The Arrival

A week later The Backpack arrives. It’s partially leather! It smells very new! It’s literally made by a Creative Professional for Creative Professionals! It’s so nice that I’m already worried about ruining it with thoughts of biking or commuting. But the straps are kind of stiff and uncomfortable on my delicate mammary glands. And did I say it’s pretty expensive?!

It’s the kind of backpack I’d be happy to keep if it were, say, $79. Maybe even $89. But $235?! For a backpack that’s not even some sexy upscale Creative Professional household brandname?? My lower middle-class upbringing prevents me from committing to such an expenditure on which I’m only lukewarm. What to do?

The Virgo/Libra Cusp Solution

Obviously I go out and buy two more backpacks.

All my children.

On Being a Virgo/Libra Cusp-er

I’m on the Virgo/Libra cusp which makes me the perfect person to review anything because I’m really picky and really indecisive. This means that if I’m forced to make a decision about anything, I generally change my mind multiple times and lose sleep in the process of over-thinking every minute detail, what fun! (For the record, I’m also strictly adhering to the deeply-scientific, back-of-your-local-free-weekly astrology column definitions of these signs. [Also, unnecessary childhood trauma story, I never really knew how to astrologically-identify growing up because as a cusper my sign categorization changed from paper to paper? The struggle was—and I cannot stress this enough—real.])

Laptop Backpacks: Necessary?

“Why does one need a special laptop backpack?” you might ask. Obviously, you don’t. No one needs anything. Why do we buy things, to feel a brief sense of happiness or accomplishment in our lives? Does it work for you the way it definitely and always 100% works for me? Leave your response in the comments!

But also I’ve never had a bag that was made for a laptop, so I figured I should probably get a backpack that's actually functional and isn’t painful to carry heavy shit around in all day?

Criteria

In order to be considered for this review, a potential backpack had to meet the following criteria:

Must hold a 15″ MacBook Pro

Enough padding to protect that laptop without a case

Must be comfortable to use while biking

Unisex design

Is black/screams “Creative Professional”

Bonus points: also screams “... who deserves a large salary”

In addition to my a laptop, I assembled a weight/capacity testing control group with the following everyday accessories:

Work essentials: mouse, laptop charger, Moleskine notebook, pencil

Life essentials: overnight kit, moisturizer, deodorant, underwear, sports bra, water bottle

Um, glasses and some other crap: eyeglasses & case, dirty socks, folded blanket, Le Creuset 18cm cast-iron pot

🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒 The Backpacks 🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒

Bag option #1: The ISM Backpack

The ISM retails for $235 USD; it’s only available online but comes with free shipping and returns in the USA. It ships in a pretty box with a pretty branded dust bag and a bunch of tissue that smells of “Instagram unboxing moment”.

I wore this bag out in public a few times: to the work lounge at the Public Hotel (a hotspot for “cool-looking people” working remotely), to pay a visit to my old MoMA office, and to a job interview. Did I feel like a Creative Professional? You bet I did! But then my former coworker commented that the bag made me look like a “techy person”, which ruined everything it had going for it. (There is a fine line between Creative Professional and Startup Chic that I refuse to cross. It involves hoodies.)

Left: fancy regal satin lining, to remind you that you’re the millennial queen you are. Right: full bag, with front pocket that is great for fitting flat stuff and maybe only flat stuff.

It fit everything in the “capacity” control group, albeit quite snugly, but its real downfall was the straps: although they were quite hearty, being both wide and well padded (which would be great for those with flat chests), their stiff sturdiness meant they were very inflexible, and basically cut into my breasts any time I raised my arms together, as one would if biking:

MEINE POOR BOOBS.

ISM owner/designer Justin emailed me after I returned the bag, and explained they were working on a smaller version for 13″ laptops. I explained this doesn’t help people with mammary glands who own 15″ laptops. Per Justin:

I feel what you mean Christy, a bag that fits a 15" laptop and is unisex has been a tough design challenge given the size difference between males and females. We have been able to shorten the straps to accommodate though.

I get it. Designing for the fact that 50% of the population has boobs is hard! Did you know that basically everything is designed around men and their stupid bodies?? It's also subsequently a prime example of how e-comm genders backpack sizing: you’ll find that 15″ laptop bags are generally only found in the “Men’s” section of websites. I need a drink.

Pros

Looks and feels fancy

Separate laptop pocket from main compartment

Water and weather resistant

Good amount of padding everywhere

Real leathurrrr bottom

Bitches be loving gold zippers

I am weirdly very into the simple strap adjustment design (not pictured but trust me that it’s nicely done)

Cons

High price point for my feeble income

Cut into my boobs

Front pocket is pretty difficult to put stuff in due to being so flat

Makes me look like a tech bro

Did not get the job I interviewed for while using it

Rating

Comfort: ★★☆☆☆ Creative professional-ness: ★★★★★ Female compatibility: ★☆☆☆☆ (one star for gold zipper) Value for monies: ★★★★☆ (if you don’t bike or have boobs) Overall: ★★★☆☆

🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒 Bag option #2: MUJI Water Repellent Backpack

I bought this bag at the MUJI store for a very reasonable $49 USD. Like everything MUJI, it’s pretty decent quality both in materials and design, and feels like it’ll last a while.

Unfortunately, I didn’t end up testing this “in the real world” because, whoops, it only comfortably fits a 13″ laptop. But I did uncomfortably fit my 15″ laptop inside, really stretching the limits of the side panels, and then managed to cram the test “capacity” content on top (with room to spare!). I then did a “hunch test”, folding myself over as one would on a road bike, and found that there was barely any padding on the back panel, and my spine was knocking against the hard surface of my computer. Not cool! Plus the back did not have a mesh surface, literally making it not cool on a sweaty back.

Yes I get it, I have a big stupid computer.

Pros

Nice quality

Large capacity

Water repellent

Has a secret little back pocket you’ll probably never use

Has those tacky side pockets for water bottles which are surprisingly handy for sunglasses or pocket chargers

Cons

Made for a 13″ laptop

Non-meshed back

Not enough back padding

Rating

Comfort: ★★★☆☆ Creative professional-ness: ★★★★☆ Female compatibility: ★★★★★ Value for monies: ★★★★★ Overall: ★★★★☆+

🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒 Bag option #3: UNIQLO Water Repellent Backpack

Right after purchasing the MUJI bag I walked across the street and picked this up for $29.90. YOLO!

Realising that is was yet another bag made for 13″ laptops, I could immediately tell that the quality was much lesser than MUJI’s: it was much lighter in weight, and the fabric thinner. Look at those ugly shoulder straps where the fabric is bunching. The front pocket’s structure is so weak that it sags. Sad!

But: pretty good akshully?!

I again force-fit my behemoth laptop and belongings into the small frame, yet, contrary to expectation, this thing was comfortable AF?! And even had room to spare. The straps were super soft and cushy and malleable around my boobs, and the “hunch test” revealed amazingly thick layers of padding on two sides of the back panel, with a thinner center panel that relieves any pressure on your spine. What kind of ugly genius is this?

Pros

Stupidly comfortable

Large capacity

Water repellent

Again, tacky side pockets, this time with an angled top hem

Cons

Made for a 13″ laptop

Pretty cheap and ugly looking

Pretty cheap and ugly feeling

Rating

Comfort: ★★★★★ Creative professional-ness: ★★☆☆☆ Female compatibility: ★★★★★ Value for monies: ★★★★☆ Overall: ★★★★☆

🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒 Other opshuns, you ask?

There’s a few other mid-range “nice” bag brands I was looking into online, such as the one which esteemed Creative Professional Jessica Hische ended up going with, but let’s just assume I left them out because they lack the quality needed for this rigorous assessment and not because the bag designer whom I went on a date with decided to ghost me after I sprained my ankle while in Canada. Ahem.

Final Verdict... and a Backpack Hack (!!) (...Backhack™?!)

Although I was quite impressed with the comfort the UNIQLO model provided (both to my body and my wallet), I was actually going to declare this experiment a failure and return all the backpacks. Until, that is, I took a closer look at the interior construction of the UNIQLO and MUJI bags: they measured as though they should be tall enough for my latop, and yet the MacBook corners stubbornly stuck out. Time to play detective! 🔍

Turning the bags inside-out, I noticed they both included a superfluous, space-reducing seam at the bottom of the main pocket. WTF.

UNIQLO bag before & after: the difference a simple seam (and lack of colour temperature matching) makes!

By removing this seam on the UNIQLO model, I gained a full inch of vertical room, ALLOWING THE 15″ LAPTOP TO ACTUALLY FIT IN THE DAMN BAG. Yes, it fits snugly, and some may argue that the superfluous seam protects the edge of the computer from hitting the ground, but the very bottom edge seam is actually pretty bulky and does a decent job of protecting as is.

Verdict: With the inclusion of this super deviant hack (and ONLY with this inclusion), UNIQLO wins!!!!!!!!

Epilogue

I’ve been using this bag for 7 months now. It looks kinda cheap and it tends to collect lint, but my shoulders are miraculously like never sore. And, even on a grocery run after stuffing a myriad of pokey-shaped food items in the thing until I can barely close it, it’s always very comfortable on my tender back when biking home (I did this very thing 2 weeks ago at the Farmer’s Market after buying Celine Dion tickets, because I am a white woman in her late 30s). 

Oh, also: it’s black, so yes I am a Creative Professional, thank you for noticing! 

TL;DR: UNIQLO; cheap; comfortable. Send me your products to review! 🔚

Colophon backpacks: ISM, UNIQLO, MUJI; socks: UNIQLO; t-shirt: from a Women Who Code meetup hosted by One Month; sweatpants: Alternative Apparel; laptop: Shmapple; glasses: Steven Alan clearance; stool: Target; plants: IKEA & Home Depot; blankets: Hudson’s Bay, E. Stocking; mirror & couch: IKEA; drawing above mirror: K. Freeman & P. Lyle; posters: Bruce Nauman and a Finnish Design Annual fold-out; calendar: Massimo Vignelli; bike: Miele; weight/capacity control group: thrifting, Peru, Amazon, HAY, more places; suddenly questioning the consistency of whether I’m listing where objects were bought or the brand name of the object itself: something I am going to pretend to resolve at a later date in time; brevity rating for this blog post: ★☆☆☆☆; fan appreciation: I am so sorry if you read this far

[bamdab101]

The stars align-Chapter 2

“it was time we had a break, he was starting to get crazy. I mean don't get me wrong he was so beautiful and he was fun but he was so controlling. Always had to know where I was and who i was with.” I yell to my friend trying to talk to her above the roaring techno music of the club. 

“Your damn right he was hot. Jackson was probably of the hottest people I have ever seen. Buttttttt its a great thing you guys are taking a break because now i have a club buddy again!” she yells back even louder. Looking around the club you spot at least two men you could have some fun on the dance floor with. You walk up to the bar deciding if anything is going to happen tonight you need a drink. Your best friend no longer behind you, your eyes travel around the large club. You spot her already on the dance floor with her tongue down a random dudes throat. Well at least one of us will have some romance tonight. 

You wave your hand getting the bartenders attention “Hey can I ge-“

“She’ll have a whiskey sour on my tap” a deep voice interrupts you from behind. Twisting on the metal barstool swiftly you turn around to see where the voice came from. That is the sexiest man I’ve ever seen.

The man behind you had vibrant red hair, his lips were a plump and a natural peach color. The black turtle neck and match black jeans he was wearing were showing off all the best parts of him. Staring at him a little too long you stuttered out “H-how did you know that is my favorite drink?” The beautiful man took the seat right next to you, never breaking the stare between you two. “I just guessed” he said, his eyes traveling from your eyes to your lips “I’m good at stuff like that.” His eyes lingering on your lips a littler longer they then moved back up your face to your eyes. His expression changed from a sexy almost predatory stare to a cheerful friendly one. A large smile grew in his face and he reach his hand out to you. “I’m jooheon, what’s your name darling?” He says

“I-I’m YN. Thank you for the drink jooheon” you studder out finally breaking out of the trance you were in. I’m really gonna need that liquid courage now. Grabbing the drink in front of you, you down the entire thing in one gulp. "Wow I like a woman who can handle her liquor" he says eyes wide with wonder. "Would you like to dance?" You say already feeling the drink working. Dang that was a strong drink. "Of course! I love dancing!" He exclaims cheerfully. Ready to dance you jump out of your seat, your legs immediately giving out. Before you hit the ground you feel his muscular arms come around your waist catching you. "Whoah there. Don't worry I got you” he huskily whispers in your ear behind you. "I- I'm sorry I'm usually not a such a lightweight" You say as you feel your head fall back onto his chest. What did that bartender put in there? "Hey it's okay love. I'll take care of you" He whispers as you loose consciousness. 

“Heavens jooheon how much did you give her?! She should be awake by now"

“ I got distracted! I mean look at how pretty she is. She's definitely a reincarnation."

You slowly start to come to consciousness. Your memories of earlier started to come back, the bar your friend the beautiful man the drink. "Maybe we should call shownu distract him. If he gets here and she's still asleep do you know what he will do to me?!? Or even worse what she will do to me if she chooses shownu and becomes queen!”  You hear a male voice whisper yell frantically. Wait I know that voice, it's the voice of the guy Jooheon think was his name. The guy at the bar who bought me a drink. Recognizing the voice you open your eyes. The light of the room burning them immediately. You groan at the feeling. "She's awake!" You feel someone help you sit up. Your eyes adjusting to the light you look around the room. The only words you could think to describe  it would be a mystic fairy tale. There was white marble everywhere. A large pond in the middle of the room with columns going around it. In the pond was beautiful koi fish swimming elegantly. Why are those fish better looking than me? Looking up to the man supporting you, you immediately recognize him.

“YOU. What did you do to me!?” His eyes got wide and he lets go of you. "I told you my name do you not remeber? The bar, your best friend grinding on that man, me jooheon?" He says with a concerned expression, worry laced in his voice. "Did you drug me? IM GONNA KILL YOU" you yell. Your anger getting the better of you, you jump on top of him. “TAKE ME HOME NOW YOU CHEAP GIGOLO!" You scream smacking his beautiful face. Suddenly you feel someone wrap their arms around you and pull you off. "D-Did you just call me a low class male prostitute?" Jooheon barely makes out while rolling on the ground holding his sides. "Oh I like this little fish, she's got some spuNK to her” you hear a voice say lowly from behind you. That must be his partner in crime. That's okay can take them both down. What's this bitch got? Spinning around out of his grip you swing your fist right to his face. Before your fist made any contact the man in front of you catches it, letting you get a look at him. I think Calvin Klein models just kidnapped me. I'm not too mad at this.

The man holding your fist had blounde hair and probably the most kissable lips you've ever seen. He was wearing black ankle boots with black pants tucked into them with a black shirt with gold accents and a matching black felt jacket. Your eyes following up his body you noticed he had a charm about him just like Jooheon but this one seemed a little more.....deadly. "Like what you see my little fish?" He says leaning closer to you with a slight smirk. YN remeber how you got here, they're criminals! Jumping away from him you look around the room for an escape route. While your eyes search around the room you finally notice the three other men in the room. They were all equally as beautiful and had that same charming aura around them. One of them was sitting on the side of the pond. His hair was bright purple, he was wearing a white suit with small stitching flower detail all over the jacket. He was smiling at you, he seems kind. The next man was leaning against a column lazily. His hair styled up was a sandy color. He was wearing black dress pants with a dress shirt and a black tie. You could see his forearms were muscular as he had them folded and his sleeves were rolled up slightly. He was looking at you with his glasses half way down his nose. He looked as if he were judging you. The final man in the room had green hair. He was smiling awkwardly with a book in his hand. He was also wearing a dress shirt with matching white pants. On closer inspection his shirt had gold accents on it like the others. 

"Okay who the fuck are you people and where the fuck am I?!" You say with anger trying to understand everything that's happening. "Your name is YN your parents are YDN, YMN. You are YA years old. You work as a florists, you've had a fascination with flowers ever since you were little.” the green headed man states while looking anywhere in the room but at you. "Ho- how did you know that. Who the hell are you people and why do you know everything about me?!" You scream backing up. So much information going through your head it didn't even register with you that everyone stood up straight with suprise in your eyes as the large white doors behind you opened. Suddenly you ran your back into what you thought was a wall. Until you felt something grip your shoulders with a large sigh. "Boys I know none of you have much experience with human women. But freaking her out isn't the first step in wooing her." Without even turning around you could feel the commanding presence of the person or thing behind you. This is where die. I'm gonna die surrounded by beautiful weird creatures who are dressed like they're in a fancy military boy band.

The two hands on your shoulders started pushing you to the table across the room where the green headed man is. From the corner of your eye you see a hand pull out a seat at the table. The other hand gently pushing you to sit down. The commanding creature finally walking around into your line of sight. He had brown hair and was wearing black leather pants with a loose sheer black shirt. You could see through the shirt to his muscles. He was probably the most fit man you've ever seen. He towered over you and from what it looks like the others too. The beautiful men surrounded the table around you none of them taking a seat. "Hi YN I'm shownu. I am king here you are in my castle right now.” The tall one says. I know what it is I'm dead now aren't I. I died from a alcohol poisoning in the bar and this is my heaven. My confusing beautiful heaven. "You've already met jooheon" he says as he nods to the red head one "that is kihyun" he nods towards the green headed one “I.M”  he nods toward the sandy headed one who still looks like he's judging you "minhyuk" nodding to the purple headed one "hyungwon" he nods towards the blonde haired one who is smirking at you from across the table. "And Wonho who might be joining us later" he says looking around the room. "So it's true, mr. lion himself is joining this year" laughs slightly IM with a slight smirk. The comment just confusing you more you blurt out "what the hell am I doing here? Actually I don't even know if I want you to tell me because I'm pretty sure I'm dead and this is what the afterlife like looks like. I'm gonna be honest not what everyone says it is. Boy will they be confused." 

The blonde one laughs holding his abdomen, his laughing stopping suddenly "Your not dead. Your in the kyma room. Where you will chooses one of those blocks in front of you and...... have some fun" he says in a bored tone. You finally notice the seven wooden blocks in front of you each with their own symbol. A ram, two fish, a crab, a sun, a vase with water pouring out of it, a woman, and finally a lion. Each one had the symbol scribed enchantingly into the wood. They were each beautiful in their own way but one of them stood out to you the most, it was like it was calling to you. The lion. 

“Pick one beautiful and we will explain everything i promise.” Shownu said softly, his eyes were kind. Slowly your hand went to the lion and hovered over it. you picked it up without hesitation. “No fucking way” the blonde one said with surprise. “Oh this will be fun” said the judgmental one. Looking up to shownus face, you noticed it was blank. He was in thought. 

“Can someone tell me what the fuck is actually going on here now?” you exclaim. “I-I didn't think that would happen” said shownu finally looking up at you. His expression showed a little fear. He came in through doors so im going to leave through those doors. Finally get some answers as to where the fuck I am and who these people are. The chair behind you making a loud screech on the marble floor as you push it back and run across the room to the large set of doors. You look back at them as you pull the handle expecting to see them behind you but none of them have moved. This will be much easier than I thought it wou- your thoughts suddenly interrupted as you run into a large body in the door way. Looking up you see him. He looks you up and down, slowly like a hunter with its prey. You catch a bit of surprise in his expression when he gets to your face, but its quickly covered by the look of complete boredom. 

“YN meet, Wonho, the lion. Your chosen star.” 

[uzumaki-rebellion]

Black Boys Bloom Thorns First: Volume 2, Chapter 6

"Loving you has taken time, taken time But I always knew you could be mine I recognize the butterflies, inside me Since it's gonna be made tonight, tonight All you gotta do is say yes…"

Floetry – "Say Yes"

N'Jobu waited for Califia outside of his apartment complex.

The fifteen-story off-white building was full of working-class families, but it also had some sketchy characters who hung around the basketball court adjacent to the property. There was only off-street parking available. N'Jobu wanted to escort Califia inside so that folks hanging around outside could see who she was with. Residents gave him a lot of space and were happy to have him living in the building. When the block got hot or some young knuckleheads popped off, N'Jobu tended to be the peacekeeper and the ass kicker. He had a scuffle with a few ruffians his first week in the building, and once he reached for his waistband most folks thought he was packing and let him be. Word got around not to fuck with the barber on the fourteenth floor. Especially since he really was strapped now.

He saw Califia pull up in her teal hatchback and he hopped into the passenger seat to guide her to a parking spot. Walking back with her he wanted to hold her hand, but he strolled close to her, making eye contact with a few men loitering near the entrance.

They were quiet on the elevator together, so he gave side-long glances to her outfit. She had changed from teacher gear to hanging-out-for-happy-hour fits: a simple long sleeve black maxi dress with black ankle boots.

She followed him to his two-bedroom bachelor pad. His neighbors across the hall, two attractive women who worked retail, were stepping out of their apartment when N'Jobu was opening his door.

"Hey Joseph," one of them cooed as they let their eyes flit across Califia on their way out.

"'sup," N'Jobu said.

He peeped Califia checking out the women as they sauntered over to the elevator. When she turned back to look at him, he had his door open.

"Heyyyyy, Jo-seph," she teased.

"Stop," he said smiling.

"The ladies in 1402 seem very friendly."

"They are."

"Hmph."

He held the door open and let her walk in first. Califia looked around. His furnishings were simple: a second-hand couch he bought from a thrift store that had a hideous striped pattern that he found charming. Two old bookcases and a brass and glass shelving unit that belonged to the previous tenants that he found useful and sturdy. A small coffee table with matching end tables that he bought from a cheap furniture store. A tv stand and an old tv set rounded out his humble abode. His bedroom and kitchen furniture he ordered online, along with a full cookware set and dishes. The carpet was a forgettable bland beige.

"Kick off your shoes and get comfortable," he said reaching for her purse.

She gave him her handbag and he hung it up on a wall shelf near the front door.

"You want anything to drink?"

"Sure. What do you have?"

"Juice, water…"

"No wine?"

"Unfortunately, no."

"Water then."

She sat down on his couch and he went into his kitchen to retrieve a glass for her. The batch of jasmine rice he made was ready. All he needed to do was fry up the vegetables and shrimp he had prepped. An old favorite he knew she liked when he made it in the past. Spicy plantains with onions, peppers, and mango relish. Easy to make quickly.

He brought her a cold glass of water and returned to the kitchen to cook. She wandered in to watch him.

"Should I at least set the table?" she asked observing him cook.

"No. You just let me cook. I'll do everything. Relax."

She sat at his dinette table and watched him fix their late dinner. He prepared the table for them and plated their food. She still had a healthy appetite and when she was smacking her lips and humming as she ate, he knew he'd made a good choice for their meal.

"Damn, I missed eating this," she said. She gulped down some water and dipped her finger in the mango relish still on her plate and nibbled it down, cooling her tongue from the peppers.

He cleared up their dishes and stuck the leftovers in his fridge. She followed him back into his living room and sat next to him on his couch.

"Thanks for dinner," she said.

They stared at one another for a moment, and then her eyes fell away from his. A quiet shyness came over them both. She turned her body to face him.

"We're married?" she asked.

As always, she was straight to the point.

"In a manner of speaking—"

"No, you said I was your wife. You were quite adamant about that."

"In my culture, the acceptance of the ring signifies a bond, a marriage bond. There would have to be a ceremony to formalize it, but getting the ring and seed…pretty much a wrap."

"You should've told me that."

"Would you have gotten the piercing if you knew? In this country, it doesn't mean anything, but back home…it's a sign of commitment."

"Yeah, I probably would've still done it. I was committed to you."

"Zinzi broke off the engagement."

Califia's face grew softer in her expression.

"It became a really big deal."

"Why did she break up with you?"

"She eloped with her lover and my family wanted to do damage control by keeping me hidden away in the military. We uh, we had a bit of a reckoning between us when we returned from D.C. that last time I saw you. She was with her lover, and I was with you…when we returned home…"

He wrestled to find words to explain the turmoil. It was an emotionally draining experience. On the flight home, Zinzi cried and there was no comforting her. Back in the palace, they both struggled to come to terms with not being with who they loved. In essence, they couldn't fake the funk anymore. N'Jobi approached his brother privately and tried to break down what was happening between them. T'Chaka was upset, but he held Zinzi in high esteem. She was already a part of his inner circle on national projects. She was even being considered as a future replacement for Kholiwe on the Council of Elders.

The look on T'Chaka's face when N'Jobu told him that Zinzi was in love with Gcuma was an accusatory one.

"Did you force her into his arms?" T'Chaka asked.

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"I know about your indiscretions, Baby Brother. I also know you have never wanted to get married so soon. I would have thought that you of all people could be a little more careful with her heart."

"She has been in love with that man a long time. Even before she was approached for marriage by me. We have been friends maintaining a lie that can no longer be kept hidden. Her desire is to marry him. I want her to."

T'Chaka wanted to contain Zinzi, convince her to disregard the general and honor her duty to the Udaku family, but she ran off with Gcuma and married him in another city and the family was in an uproar. Their father was outraged that Gcuma could betray the family, and of course, tongues were wagging about the trip to D.C. and Gcuma being around Zinzi. N'Jobu didn't have to worry about Yejide or Ometeko revealing his liaison with Califia. They were loyal to him.

Their mother was concerned with rumors and the truth getting out. T'Chaka was more concerned with N'Jobu being able to save face and being viewed as a weak cuckold. N'Jobu decided to play into that scenario by acting the part of a hurt but understanding ex-fiance who didn't want Zinzi or her family punished. The War Dog expansion came right on time, and N'Jobu campaigned to get an assignment out of the country. Lagos. Marrakesh. Joburg. His parents wanted him closer to the family and tried to compromise by suggesting he take an assignment in Niganda as Special Ops, but N'Jobu played up the fact that he needed distance to get over his loss of Zinzi.

Leaving far away from Wakanda was his only option, and it would help cover the marriage of Zinzi when it did come out. They could spin the story that his sterling military career put a strain on their engagement and they broke it off mutually. And Zinzi could still be a part of the council with no stain on her name in the public. Marrying a high-ranking general in charge of training and stationed in Birnin Zana would be seen as an acceptable consolation. Zinzi's family would have to get over Gcuma's age and previous divorce.

He was sent to Marrakesh first. Then a short stint in Accra before being shipped to Joburg.

For a year he toiled in the muck and mire of military politics and subversion in South Africa. Every War Dog had to come back to Wakanda each year for a month-long psyche evaluation and debriefing before returning to their work. During his annual check-in, N'Jobu learned of the Oakland assignment. He went hard for it. His superiors agreed he was the right person for the job. By that time Zinzi already had her first child. A boy. All he could remember was how much she wanted to make babies with Gcuma. She was doing it.

N'Jobu sat on the Delta plane to America thinking about having a child of his own. He remembered that Califia said she liked the name Erika or Erik if she had a baby. So be it. He would give their child, (the one that only lived in his mind as he flew across the ocean), a middle name. N'Jadaka. A gender-neutral name that would fit any child that came from Califia's womb placed there by him. N'Jadaka- One who brings down thunder. What did Califia say the name Erik/Erika meant? Ruler?

He mulled the name over on the plane. This child who had yet to be created by them. A ruler who brings down thunder. He was going to speak this child into existence with her. They had lost one already. But not this next one. No, this next one would make it all the way into the world. He would see to it.

"Zinzi has the family and person she always wanted. I want the same, Califia. This job I have is covert and I will have to return to Wakanda every year to check in with my people. No one but you and I can know the true details. We have this one chance to be together…"

"But?"

"But what?"

"C'mon now. There's always some caveat. Something that could change at the last minute."

"As long as I toe the line, keep up with my reports, and never interfere overtly with the goings on in my sector, I can be here for…years."

He saw her eyes widen a bit and she scooted a little closer to him.

"How would this work? I mean really work, N'Jobu? You just live like a regular random barber and we get together whenever?"

"We are expanding our global observations-"

"Global observations? Is that code for spying?"

"Yes. We have been expanding our observations in major cities. The only thing I do is live here, watch, and report—"

"What are you trying to find out?"

"The less you know the better—"

"No. That's not how this is going down. You have been secretive with me since the first day you met me. I don't want secrets or omitted facts. You tell me what your people want to know or else I'm walking—"

"My country has natural resources that we have protected—" "Oil?"

He didn't want to give away too much. White lies had to be given.

"Yes. Oil, cobalt, gold, tantalum, diamonds. Many countries want to get their hands on it. Exploit us. Our only protection has been to stay low key. To extract these items would destroy our environment. We are poor in the Western sense but there are forces gathering to use us and our land. Some of those forces are connected here."

His face felt hot. He had to walk a fine line. He had to live with this woman in plain sight but also keep her safe. They were just white lies…no really just an omission. The true resource was vibranium. She would never know about that. Never know how far ahead his people were compared to her own.

"We also want to know about some disappearances happening here—"

"Disappearances?"

Her face appeared anxious.

"In parts of East Africa, there have been people going missing. Not like regular missing persons…and not just East Africa. Europe. Southeast Asia—"

"One of my students was taken away under mysterious circumstances. Him and his whole family."

Her lip curled up a bit.

"I was questioned two weeks ago by men who were not the Feds. I'm sure of that. They were evasive and wanted to know if Terrell….that was my student's name…they wanted to know if there was anything unusual about him."

"Was there?"

"Yeah."

"What could he do?"

"Heal people. He could heal people. Moods. Physical ailments. I told him and his parents that they had to be careful. What is going on, N'Jobu?"

"I don't know. I'm here to find out."

"This won't be dangerous, will it? You won't have to do anything that will get you hurt, right?"

Stress marred her facial expression.

"I just watch, listen, and report."

"Didn't your people think you'd be recognized once you came back?"

"No. When I lived here, I was only in places tied to the university. I've blended in completely."

"But there are people around who may remember you when you were with me. If we go out together—"

"It's why I chose the name, Joseph. People would think I Americanized my name. Most didn't know my last name, and you never gave any real details about me. We'll work out something to tell your family. And Bakari."

"And Rolita, Soliel, and Serah."

"True."

She took a deep breath.

"Is this really happening? I'm not going to wake up and you'll be gone again, right?"

"I'm here. There will have to be layers to how we live. I have to keep this apartment. Stay in it at least two to three times a week. It has to look like I'm the only one who lives here."

"My townhouse…I was only able to get it because of you. The money you left me. I used most of it for a down payment. That makes it your home too."

He smiled.

"You'll stay with me there for most of your time?"

"If you will allow it."

She scooted in and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I will allow it."

She pressed her lips into his. He closed his eyes and swept his tongue inside her mouth. So close. They were so close to realizing their life together. He pulled her onto his lap, one hand supporting her neck and the other draped around her waist. Her kisses were wet like fresh morning dew and he couldn't stop himself from lifting her so that she straddled him. She pulled up her dress so that her warm thighs could spread across him untangled. They were all full lips and open-mouthed exploration. He couldn't get enough of her. Had to hold onto her for dear life. She was his life. His whole life right now.

He broke away from her first and nuzzled his forehead into her cheek and then her forehead.

"My people can never know about you."

"But if we have a baby…don't you want your family to know?"

"They would drag me back."

"You're willing to do that? Live with that?"

"I want to be here. With you. That's all I want."

"God, N'Jobu, baby, that's a huge sacrifice-"

His mouth overpowered hers. He had to make her know that she was worth the sacrifice.

Adjustments.

They were hard at first.

The first thing Califia had to do was bring N'Jobu back into the fold of her family and hope they believed the story of him being disowned from his family after leaving the military. It took her father months to be comfortable with N'Jobu being with her, especially when he learned of her going through her surgery without N'Jobu being by her side.

Nana Jean was easier to win over, especially when she saw them together. Bakari flew out to see them during a weekend break and it was good to see the two men patch up their friendship. It was obvious they missed one another. Soliel, Rolita, and Serah supported the reunion too.

Casual friends and associates just absorbed him as part of her life. At the barbershop, he was JoJo or Joseph. Same at his apartment. Around her family, he was Dayclean or D.C. In their townhouse he was N'Jobu. In bed he was Jobu. It was only in their house where he would drop his American accent and allow the lilt of his Wakandan native tongue to return.

When he went to his apartment without her, she sometimes worried about the women across the hall from him. He was playing a role. What if part of that role-playing involved being involved with people because he needed information from him? The two women, Dionne and Alma, were single and too familiar with N'Jobu for her liking. Califia didn't feel jealous per se, just concerned with their overly flirty behavior. And N'Jobu's insistence that Califia not come to his apartment that often weighed on her mind. He wanted to keep work and home life separate. Her stomach would feel queasy when he was not in bed with her and sleeping in his apartment.

Their work schedules took time to adjust.

N'Jobu worked long hours and Nate was giving him more responsibility, grooming him to be a manager out of fear that N'Jobu would leave to work for another shop or open his own. His reputation had grown and his skills grooming and making men look like new money were in greater demand. It caused some friction among the other barbers with seniority, but Nate didn't want to lose N'Jobu's clients. Some were Pro athletes from the Giants and 49ers. Coins were flowing in.

Because of this, Califia often came home from teaching and wouldn't see N'Jobu until much later in the evening after he was exhausted. Their sex life went into a natural transition. It was still satisfying when they did have it, but it wasn't as often. A lot of it had to do with his having to be in the apartment to keep up appearances. It was beginning to put stress on her. She didn't want to complain. She was happy to have him back and they were building on their relationship, but if they were going to have a baby, it appeared that she would be doing the bulk of the parenting.

They agreed not to start trying for the baby until the following month, and she was already off of her birth control. They found a doctor they liked that understood her medical history and appeared to have a good reputation. If they timed it right, she could hopefully carry her baby and have it during her spring break. She could get maternity leave and have the free summer months to be with the baby before heading back to work again. But there was no guarantee her body would just do what she wanted it to do. The research they both did showed that it could take a year to conceive for some people who were actively trying.

She knew that because she was high-risk she would be tenser trying to conceive. She started looking around for a doula to help her navigate a full-term pregnancy. She had heard and read horror stories of Black women dying recently from childbirth in local hospitals. Maternal deaths of Black women were high. N'Jobu's sister-in-law was still on her mind. Her death still gave Califia chills. She wanted an advocate to walk her through the entire journey in case doctors tried to talk over her or dismiss her fears. She remembered the case of a famous athlete who had the best doctors in the world, and she still almost died because her medical team didn't trust that she knew her own body and that she knew something was wrong after pushing out her child.

Califia was ready. She wanted a baby. She planned the timing for a baby. She wanted to have their baby set up right.

But she needed her man at home with her and between her legs to make that happen.

Walking around their house she found herself bored and checking the phone every twenty minutes. He said he was coming home early tonight. He was nowhere to be found. She sat down on the recliner that she bought him for his birthday. She could smell remnants of his cologne in the headrest. Perturbed, she grabbed her keys and her motorcycle jacket.

It felt good to ride her bike. She was tempted to ride to his apartment, but what would she say to him if he was there? I'm checking up on you? I don't trust people around you? I have some doubts about us?

She rode out to Lake Chalet restaurant for a glass of wine. It was a venue that stayed open late and had a nice water view. She ordered herself a carafe of Sauvignon Blanc and sat outside. She had to enjoy alcoholic beverages as much as she could before she got pregnant. She had tenure now for teaching, and still smoked an occasional joint during holidays and the summer, but now she was slowly eradicating all her vices to prepare her body. This would probably be her last glass of wine for a long time.

She checked her cell, but there were no messages from him, and it was already eleven at night. A fog was rolling in. The restaurant was shutting down, so she gulped down the last good swallow of wine and headed back home.

Pulling closer to her neighborhood she noticed street lights and house lights were out all over. The darkness mixed with the fog was eerie and she had to ride slow to maneuver her way home. She parked her bike and used her cell phone to light her way to the townhouse.

Inside the house, her cell light revealed N'Jobu sound asleep on his recliner with his jacket and shoes still on. Light snoring greeted her. She reached down and gently shook him. His eyes reacted to her cell light.

"Why is it dark in here?" he asked.

"Power outage. It's dark all up and down the street. What time did you get back?'

"Been here for about an hour. Had to do some things at the apartment."

He sat up to kiss her. "You've been drinking?"

"I was waiting for you and got bored. Went to the Chalet."

He stood up and pulled out his cell. She followed him into their kitchen where he pulled out some mini flashlights.

"Where did you stash the candles?" he asked digging around a cupboard near the fridge.

"They broke when the box fell. There are some tea candles upstairs under the bathroom sink."

They went upstairs and he helped her light several tea candles sitting inside of small round candle holders. They spread them onto both of their bedside nightstands and the glow from the orange holders gave the room an ethereal ambiance.

She changed into a short nightgown as he took one of the flashlights into the bathroom so he could see as he showered himself.

She crawled under the covers of their bed and waited for him.

He walked into the room nude and still drying off, placing the flashlight on his side of the bed. She watched him towel himself down, her breath still catching in her throat while looking at him. His nudity was still so beautiful to her. He laid the towel across a small stool.

"What?" he said when he caught her eyeing him.

"I like watching you dry off."

He slipped into their bed next to her and pulled her into his arms.

"I got caught up with some things I needed to take care of—"

"You didn't call me all day."

"I'm sorry. A lot was going on and I had to get reports completed and sent before I leave," his eyes closed and she felt his body settling down the way it did when he was ready to go to sleep.

She didn't like the sound of him saying "leave". He was due for his annual check-in back in Wakanda. His first one since they were back together. He was flying out in a week.

"I wish you would've called me. I thought maybe you had left without saying goodbye…"

He kissed her cheek.

"I'd never do that to you again."

She rubbed her hand on his chest.

"You will come back, right?"

She felt her body clench up, the anxious tension making her feel rigid and cold. He rubbed her shoulders and lifted up her chin.

"Is that what has you so worried these last few days?"

"Yeah."

"It's routine. I've done it before. Thirty days there, and then I'm back on the plane."

"What will they do with you?"

"Evaluations. Debriefings. After that, I'll spend some time with my family and then I'm back here with you."

She hated appearing helpless or weak in front of him. He always stirred up such intense emotions within her. She didn't like acting like a crybaby, but she really felt afraid. Their love had always been topsy-turvy and uncertain, and she couldn't help feeling that same way even though he tried to reassure her that things would be fine. She worked hard not to press out any tears between her eyelids.

"Hey, don't worry. I promise. I'm coming back."

She released a small shudder and he shifted his weight, lowering her head onto her pillow. She could see the flickering glow of the candles licking across the ceiling of their bedroom and tracing the shapes of their shadows.

"I'm coming back. And when I do, we'll make our baby. Okay?"

She nodded her head. His index and ring finger stroked her from her temple to her chin. He lowered his face toward her and kissed her. Just their lips touching. He pulled back and studied her face.

"I love you," he said.

She started cheesing so hard that her face felt tight. "I love you too," she said.

"Show me," he said with a teasing quality in his voice.

She kissed him again, lips only, and then she opened her mouth when his tongue prodded her with insistent licks. Tender and slow, they took their time for a long time until she started nipping at his lips, her signal to him that she was damp between her legs and needed more from him. He pulled back from her face.

"Kissing is never just kissing with you, girl," he said. She could hear the strain in his voice. It had been some time since they had kissed like this. He stared into her eyes and she could tell that he was ready for something more. It had been over a week since they had been intimate.

She unlaced the top of her gown and his eyes watched her hands free her breasts for him. His hands reached for her hardened nipples first and then he was clasping each breast, massaging them.

"I wonder how big these are going to get," he said and she giggled until his mouth latched onto a nipple and he suckled her. Fingers from his other hand stroked and teased her other nipple. He took turns catering to each breast and her clit thumped like a bass drum keeping time with his ministrations. When a nipple popped out of his mouth with his lips wet with saliva, his eyes had changed from soft to determined.

"I can't wait for you to feed my baby with these tits," he said plying her legs wide open. He pushed up her nightie from her hips up to her waist. He propped up on his knees and when her eyes dragged down to his waist, he had his full erection already in his hand stroking himself. He ran his thick fingers around the head of his dick and stared at her tits. She reached up and pushed her breasts together for him.

"Ah, yes…feed my baby, huh, girl. You'll do that, right?"

She nodded and he pressed his tip against her clit and rubbed it. She felt her legs quake and pulled them up.

"I'll put a baby right in this pussy…right in this good pussy…let me put this in you…okay?"

She nodded and he pushed forward, filling up her insides. He watched her play with her nipples for him and his first hard thrust took her breath away.

"Jobu," she whimpered pointing her toes up to the ceiling where the candlelight continued to dance for them.

He took his time with her, his eyes still watching her face and darting down to watch her chest move.

"I need to enjoy these big tits before I have to share them, huh?"

They both started to laugh even in the midst of his long strokes.

"I can't wait baby," he said.

Her breath became uneven as he hit a spot inside her pussy that caught her off guard and caused her toes to curl. His eyes closed when he hit that spot again.

"Oh shit, you feel good. Got my balls tight already, baby."

When he hit another angle that surprised them both with how good it felt, they both groaned.

"Get you some, baby," she encouraged, still tweaking her nipples.

He sank down deeper then pulled all the way out.

"Shit," he gasped. He pushed her legs wider and moved his head down to her folds and lapped up her juices with delicate swipes from his lips and tongue. She was nearly crawling the walls when he sucked on her clit and plied her clit ring with an eager tip of his tongue. He lifted up when she began squirming and sank his thicker erection back down into her walls.

"You'll let me put this baby in you?" he asked.

She was lost in the rhythm of his strokes and murmured yes. A rough hand from him gripped her left breast and squeezed it. His eyes sought out hers.

"Tell me you want to have my baby," he said.

His eyes were glassy from the candlelight and his face looked so vibrant and alive. The passion in his voice was unmistakable. She wound her hips and pushed back on his dick. She felt his balls smashing into her ass as he rotated his hips. He matched her thrust for thrust and her mouth flew open when he slowed down and pressed deeper into her. She arched her back. Their eyes were still locked together.

"Califia, tell me…please…" he gasped.

"I want to have our baby…Jobu…oh…Jobu…"

"I'm not pulling out…"

She rested on her elbows keeping her eyes on his. His dick felt so good. More than good. Perfect. She kept her legs up as he claimed her body over and over, the hunger in his penetration stripping away any preconceived notions that they were going to make a baby when he returned to her. N'Jobu was ravishing her with the intent to put their child inside of her now. He was buried deep within her and he wasn't leaving until his cum was swimming in her womb.

Her fingers sought out her clit and she plucked at her clit ring. She felt like she was going to cum, but he pulled out yet again and feasted on her pussy. She let her legs fall back onto the bed, but his hands pushed her thighs back up as he tasted every part of her down there. When she felt the prick of tears springing forth and cascading down her cheeks, he fell upon her again, the heat from his cock plunging back into her depths. The grip of her arms around his neck anchored her to him. His lips were in her ear and his pants were tormenting her. He was keeping her on the edge of her orgasm.

"I'm going to make you cum so hard on my dick," he choked out. Her eyes were back on the ceiling. Their animated shadows made her smile. God, she loved this man so much. She sought out his lips and kissed him within an inch of her life. When his mouth went to her neck and he sucked on her spot, more hot tears flowed from her eyes. She couldn't take much more. And since he wasn't changing positions, she knew he was on a mission. A tickling sensation spread from her clit to her anus. The time had arrived. Her body was going to spiral out of control. He must've felt it. He smothered her lips with his mouth, and when she clawed at his back, his body jerked.

"I'm about to cum, girl," he gasped and slowed his hips to crawl.

"Cum baby," she coaxed.

"I want you to cum first…please…I'm 'bout to bust…fuck."

He pressed into her all the way.

"Cum for Daddy…Califia…shit…cum for me so I can give you this baby."

Califia ground her hips into him so that the swollen nub that thumped in glorious pleasure pressed down on his cock.

"Bay-bee—"

"Yes!"

She said no more as her walls spasmed around him. He gripped his hands around her ass and pumped into her, his voice growling out expletives.

"Here it comes….here it comes….here it comes….here it comes…fuck…oh fuck…!"

She squeezed her thighs around his waist and let her feet strike his ass as he spilled everything he had into her. His hips pounded into her as his heavy dick drained all his passion deep into her womb. It took him several pumps to finish and when he was through, he collapsed and couldn't move for a long time. Only his haggard breathing let her know he was still alive. She chuckled and stroked his scalp.

When he was able to drag himself off of her, his dick was still hard.

"I can tell you right now, my ancestors felt that nut," he said, and Califia howled.

"That is a terrible thing to say!" She rolled her eyes at him.

"No, it isn't. Shit. I almost passed out. I can tell you right now, your ass is pregnant."

She giggled and he kissed her.

"Look at this shit. My dick is still hard."

They both stared at his length.

"That pussy has my shit bewitched, goddamn, girl."

When he recovered, he made her sit on his face. His tongue fucked her good and she came all over his mouth. Lifting her up, he sat her on his dick again, making her face him.

"Ride me," he demanded.

She clung to his shoulders as he lifted her ass up and down. "Bounce for, Daddy."

He watched her dominate him, her tits jiggling the way she knew he liked. She threw back her shoulders so they could bounce more for him and the groan that came from within his throat made her cum fast and hard on him again.

"Oh fuck…Jobu…oh fuck—"

"Yes, baby. It's all for you-!"

She saw his mouth fly open as his eyes hypnotized her.

"I'm about to make your pussy sloppy," he growled. His hips snapped up into her and his release made her clit throb again.

By the time the candles had burned down and out, N'Jobu had flooded her pussy to the point that her opening looked like Niagara Falls with cum spilling out in a great deluge. They were hot, sweaty, and very content with one another.

With his head on her chest, she felt him stroke her stomach, his fingers warm on her tattoo of his name.

Three weeks after N'Jobu left for Wakanda, Califia stood in their kitchen and made herself a big pot of chicken tortilla soup. As she cut up fresh cilantro, she felt the membranes in her nose sting something awful. She stopped cutting the cilantro and went to a separate cutting board to prepare the chicken. Pulling back the plastic on the pre-cut chicken strips and rinsing the meat, she switched out knives and then stopped. The odors were getting to her.

She stared down at the food she was prepping and put down the knife. Everything smelled pungent and her nose crinkled. She remembered this feeling. She remembered this reaction.

She didn't need to pee on a stick to know.

Taking a step back from the cutting board, she palmed her stomach and took a deep breath.

There was no doubt in her mind.

She was pregnant.

Chapter 7 HERE.

[nightcoremoon]

So I finally watched Deadpool 2. long post. very... very... very long.

back in 2009 my then 7 year old sister really got into avatar the last airbender and I hadn't really watched it but I had to share the tv with my four sisters and honestly between the kids television and disney sitcoms it was a breath of fresh air, and for a year and a half we would wait for reruns of episodes we hadn't seen yet. avatar was the show that got me into fandoms. alas, time passed and by the time korra was playing we'd moved to a different house and lost cable tv because the stepfather refused to pay child support and we were on a one parent income. we didn't really do anything together anymore either because I was in high school now. but then she got super into comic books. and I mean SUPER into them. especially harley quinn and deadpool. so when they announced the first movie and suicide squad we had both collectively lost our shit in excitement. alas, mom said she wasn't allowed to watch it since it was rated R and she was only 14. so one late february afternoon I was gonna take her out to see a movie. I told mom we were going to go see zoolander 2. in the car, I looked at her and said

we're not watching zoolander

and she screamed

and we watched deadpool

AND IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME

anyway more time passed and I heard that a second one was coming out and I wanted to do the same thing but that didn't happen and I lost my chance to see it in the theater. and then as I got enraptured in transitioning and working and a whole bunch of other stuff I just never got around to it. I did watch all of the supporting videos and trailers and stuff though. anyways, my sister (yes the same one) just rented it on dvd from a video store and watched it with her boyfriend today (actually yesterday but shut up), so I just sat down to watch it after work and

It

Was

...

a little disappointing at first, don't get me wrong. there were a lot of plot contrivances and I LOATHE fridge stuffing. I literally made a joke, "if she dies I'm gonna be mad" and then BOOM she fucking died and I was so pissed off I almost just turned it off. but I decided fuck it might as well watch the whole thing. it was a huge step forward from a technical perspective and all of the cinematography was on point and I could tell david pulled his a-game and did so much better than tim did (sorry tim, I love mass effect 2 and scott pilgrim if it's any consolation) and felt so much more fluid of an action movie considering the man did john fucking wick. of course ryan was fantastic too, as he always is. everyone was great: rena, tj, karan, leslie, BRI AND KUTSUNA-SAN, zazie, and stef's voice plus the cgi crew. also I always love terry crews, bill skarsgard, matt damon, alan tudyk, and the two seconds that brad pitt was on screen, even if their appearances were for comedic effect. I wasn't really sold on julian though but he's a newcomer on the scene and he did pretty well for all intents and purposes. I could tell which scenes were filmed first thought but this isn't a scathing attack on a child's acting abilities. I'm just angry that the actual plot for getting to the end was so weak, that they're aware and had ryan lampshade the fuck out of it, and the last half hour was such a trip.

okay so first of all how in the FUCK did sergei figure out who deadpool's secret identity was, track down wade wilson's apartment, get a hit crew together, and make his way downtown in the amount of time it took dopinder to drive wade home, wade and vanessa to bang, and them to start watching a movie? oh yeah sure there's nothing saying that their talk about his daddy issues was the same day let alone the same hour as the previous scene except for the simple fact that there was no fucking indication that any time had passed. either way, someone fucked up, and it was for the sole purpose of fridging ness to cause wade manpain. although frankly the only thing I hate worse than killing off the previous waifu for the next is breaking them up for zero reason whatsoever from out of nowhere (or doing both: if you do both then you're no better than paul blart mall cop 2 and that movie is a steaming blight on humanity that's only saved by perfectly syncing to pink floyd's dark side of the moon album). and to be fair THEY ACTUALLY USED THAT AS A PLOT ELEMENT AND MADE ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND HAUNTING SCENES I HAVE EVER SEEN IN A MOVIE. and also a hilarious one. so that sucked at first but then redeemed itself later. I'm still a little salty that he killed francis for nothing. MORE ON KILLING LATER.

(actually upon reflection maybe wade didn't hide his secret identity at all so it's perfectly reasonable that sergei just went after him but that would awaken a whole swathe of problems like why the fuck are wade and ness livin in the middle of the city full of crime and shit??? and more on that later)

dopinder killing his rival in love. come on now, that's just unrealistic. dopinder is too fucking incompetent to successfully murder anyone who isn't a pedophile. MORE ON THAT LATER.

the suicide. I can understand going out with a bang but are we supposed to believe that wade bought all those barrels, wheeled them in, and arranged them all and never once thought "well gee maybe I'm overreacting a little bit"? okay, he was depressed and not thinking clearly, but he was constantly getting drunk, doing coke, and god knows what else. he somehow didn't have the clarity to not kill himself but had just enough to arrange such an extravagant death? yeah yeah I get it, rule of funny and cool, and I can forgive it because it's deadpool, but god damn it that's really lazy (AND GODDAMN IT THEY EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE IT TOO. ITS LIKE THE ROYAL RAT AUTHORITY BONFIRE HERE). it's also indicative that weasel and colossus and dopinder are just bad or at least distant friends. and at least althea has an excuse being that she can't see. but as for the other two? bruh he is suicidal and unstable as hell. the last thing he needs is SPACE. but well maybe he hid it well, like kurt cobain, robin williams, chris cornell, chester bennington, okay writing this sentence maybe that actually does make sense. fuck.

negasonic thought that wade "flamboyant pansexual" wilson was lesbophobic? what? I understand it was for a joke but like come on now. surely she'd know that wade legitimately wanted to fuck colossus but wouldn't because he loved vanessa. lesbian gaydar works well, okay? then again the writers are not lesbians so I mean they can't be faulted for not grasping the raw power lesbians exude. (and if there's canonical evidence negasonic is actually bi, the same rule applies because wlw solidarity and stuff). and that's more than made up with the interactions between wade and yukio. whom I love and would die for. she's delightful and I hope she gets plenty of screentime in DP3. (also lmao 'pinkie pie from my little pony'. the real pink pony would be proud)

now, I get that this is purely because of license issues and budget constraints but THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF THE X MEN COEXISTING WITH THE PEDOPHILE HOME AND THE ICE BOX IN THE SAME UNIVERSE IS SO FUCKING ASININE. even if I made concessions for everyone being dead despite the timeline being fucked up the ass without lube, and admitting to never having watched literally any x men movie past X3 and yes that means I've not seen origins, japan arc [wait shit yukio's in that WTF SONY], first class, days of future past, apocalypse, or logan so I'm not an expert on the field but like. FUCK. I know there's jurisdiction, things change, erik is away and charles is dead (I think) and logan is dead (I know), and there's six whole movies I'm lost on, but jesus christ, none of that segment had any work done to make sure it was logical. so here we're supposed to believe that colossus and negasonic took wade as a trainee in the X Jet to Allegorical Racist/Homophobic And Literal Pedophile Central to... do what, exactly? What was the fucking plan? Because it sure as fuck looks like the plan was to distract him enough to force the Devil May Cry (sorry but I see DMC I either think of the rap duo or the game series) to haul him off to fucking prison to the fucking nth power. Colossus who seems to be the head honcho and sole decision maker of the X Men just stood by and watched until bullets started flying. Was he recruiting? Was he the damage control? Was he the cheap plot moving device whose sole reason for showing up at Essex was to punch Wade out before he killed headmaster touchykids allowing for the hamfisted climax? Clearly if we were to derive any conclusion from this circlejerk we have to assume that not only Colossus but the entirety of the XMansion just don't give a fuck anymore, or that it isn't important to make sense because hey this is a Deadpool movie so fuck you for using logic. Excuse the shit out of me for being confused as to what the fuck actually happened, because if Colossus is willing to let Wade get thrown into prison for killing a pedophile but he's not gonna TAKE ACTUAL LEGAL ACTION AGAINST ESSEX HOUSE FOR TORTURING MUTANT CHILDREN FOR DECADES (Domino admitted to it being the same when she was a kid), either it's just a Public Relations nightmare to not let the Run-DMC haul him off, Essex is a legal powerhouse on the same level as the Westboro Baptist Cult with lawyers up the ass, or they changed a lot of shit from the trailers and cobbled together what they could from what remained (which is the most likely suspect because Bedlam and Shatterstar had scenes in the trailer where they were not dead and were actually fighting with Wade and Domino). Regardless, the scene however dumb and nonsensical was necessary I guess, and established Russell/Firefist as a character. I'm still gonna be pissed about that in particular but HOLY SHIT is that stupid. But that's not all that's stupid. More on that later.

Cable's motivations are grief. His hypocrisy is understandable. Killing kids is wrong so I'm gonna kill a kid so he doesn't kill other kids. Why doesn't Russel deserve life? Because he's a mutant? Wow, Thanos is racist AND mutant-phobic! In all seriousness though, all Cable had to do was nothing to prevent his family's death. If he had stayed in the future, nobody would have broken Russel out so there would be no way in hell he'd have killed the headmaster let alone everyone else he did. Although according to the laws of time travel, the timeline Cable came from was the timeline that he went back in time and did everything exactly the way it happened up until Wade took that bullet for Russel. Because that's the moment the teddy bear lost its bloodstain. Because literally not a goddamn thing changed the course of history up until that exact moment, THAT IS THE EXACT FUCKING MOMENT IT BUTTERFLY EFFECTED ITS WAY TO HELL AND BACK. Cable's dead family is a direct result of him going back in time to kill Russel to save them and failing miserably. And god I love time travel paradoxes UGH I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH. We have to assume Cable failed and that's why he succeeded. THATS SO FUCKING STUPID.

And you know what else is stupid? Wade made it back to New York after breaking out of DMC. How is that stupid? Well, first of all, the facility wasn't looking for THEIR MOST DANGEROUS INMATE. Black Tom said it himself, Wade is the toughest cunt in there. Although Juggernaut is way more powerful but whatever. More on that later. Anyway, the facility got the riot back on lockdown despite Cable decimating most of the staff, and got everyone in line enough to get them to start convoying to the more secure location. Did they see that Wade was missing and decide "hey, fuck it, what can the literally most unkillable man in the world with the most enormous boner for revenge in the universe POSSIBLY do to us who forced him to slowly die of cancer all over again in a hell prison???" Fucking stupid. Even dumber is the actual X Men themselves not giving a shit that there was an attack on the ice box which is apparently Mike Pence's wet dream, not lifting a finger to so much as offer assistance TO ENSURE THE SAFETY AND REHABILITATION OF ALL OF THE MUTANT INMATES, or even so much as being like "hey guys is Wade doing okay dying from cancer in your Guantanamo Bay?". And dumber still than that is Colossus deciding that Wade deserves to slowly die of cancer since he killed a pedophile who abused a kid so bad he used his powers for destruction and murder and evil and eventually became one of the most deadly sociopathic murderers in the fucked up future world, rationalizing it because Wade broke the rules of being an X-man by killing, even though Wade didn't wanna be an X-man in the first place. Colossus dragged Wade from his suicide directly to the X manor to get his body healed, forced him along to a mission he didn't wanna be a part of, and then punished him for killing a pedophile by forcing him to die slowly from the cancer while getting the shit kicked out of him by convicts. AND THEN WADE APOLOGIZED TO COLOSSUS? ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL HERE? WADE WAS SUICIDAL AND COLOSSUS FORCED HIM INTO PRISON. Bad friend, 0/10.

Seriously, a queer military vet with ptsd and a fucked up past replete with daddy issues who developed cancer and was then tortured by a shadow organization went on a revenge spree followed by a murder spree as a mercenary, and expressed that he's a violent psychopath who won't hesitate to murder sex traffickers or pedophiles or people who threaten his girl, and watched said girl (the only good thing in his fucked up life) die right in his arms immediately after his life was about to go in a good direction and start a family and probably give up all of the murder business and just be the best dad in the world and give a good life to someone to make up for the one he never got himself, did a cocaine bender, and literally committed suicide. But his godforsaken mutation wouldn't let him die, so he couldn't even see his Vanessa again. He clearly has severe clinical depression and needed a FUCKING MENTAL HOSPITAL STAY, not being shoved into a planless feeble attempt to get him to join the Xmen (using him for an extra hand for missions), and he was allowed to BRING THE GUNS, and he was confronted with a physically and sexually abused CHILD with mutant powers he probably didn't ask for that ruined his life and got him sent to Essex, a BIG KNOWN HOTSPOT FOR PEDOPHILES, and he has a big problem with sex criminals (oh yeah and the girl he loved so much he killed himself when she died? sex worker with a life full of being sexually assaulted herself. let alone the fact that wade has been sexually assaulted as well). You take a queer, mentally ill, suffering man and push him past his breaking point, and let him bring guns to a pedophile nest, HE IS GOING TO KILL THE PEDOPHILES. Colossus is a fucking cunt in this situation in every single conceivable fashion. He dragged Wade out of the frying pan, and out of the fire, and into the fucking woodchipper, before stepping on him. The situation is so far behind fucked up that I don't even think the crew fully grasp the full gravity of the situation described. But I digress.

Things weren't all bad from this point on.

The recruitment was funny and full of people. Dopinder's reaction at Peter was amazing and I love him. Domino was fucking phenomenal and I loved her. I knew that everyone else was dead from the moment I saw them, though, but I still loved them anyway. Brad. fucking. Pitt. Great action scene all around. Josh Brolin is just the baddest of asses. Murphy's law is supreme.

Juggernaut's reveal was well done. Still dumb but not quite "AHM THE JUGGANAUT BITCH" dumb. Cool dumb. And then he Megatron'd Wade which was even cooler. I thought Russell joining him was a little dumb but it was quite a callback. Although it begs the question: Wade knew it was foreshadowing something and he knew that Juggernaut existed but he just isn't omniscient and the inconsistency is driving me fucking bonkers. This isnt the Deadpool of the comics. This is the movie Deadpool. And while I do like it I can't say it's without flaws. That's ok but still annoying as fuck. And then more flaws.

It's stupid that Colossus would react the way he did when he learned Wade was back. Well if Colossus was moping about because an entire convoy of mutants literally fucking died except for Juggernaut (PROFESSOR X'S BROTHER IN THIS CHRONOLOGY) and Russell, that's even dumber. If he learned Wade was back at that moment then he's not even paying attention to anything considering Deadpool was out and about. Negasonic and Yukio didn't look too surprised to see him. Lazy writing, lampshades, whatever, blah blah who even fucking cares.

The heroes show up just in time. Shocking. But of course if they didn't it'd be a boring movie.

The action scene was FANTASTIC. It balanced four different fight scenes all at once. Why Jug didn't rip Cable in half like he did Wade I won't ask, maybe because he's half robot I guess idk. Still, Wade/Cable, Domino, and Colossus kicked ass, and Russell's advance to the headmaster was beastly. Julian's acting wasn't the best and neither was Eddie's but I got what they went for and HOLY SHIT THE SCENE IS SO CHILLING, especially for queer youth. Bryan Singer could only dream of that level of subtle analogues.

I thought it was dumb that Cable was all like "if Russell kills then he'll be an evil monster since killing is wrong" even though literally every one of the people there have killed several people that fucking day. Cable killed many, Wade killed many, Domino killed many. Granted they killed mostly pedophiles but they also killed a lot of DMC people & innocent civilians (accidentally). But again he was grieving so whatever.

Negasonic and Yukio had their moment too, I just wish there was more. But that's what the threequel is for. WE WANT MORE LESBIANS!

Wade has balls, I'll give him that. Where he kept that power nullifier I'll never know. [also... fuck that noise. they just have a collar that turns off mutant powers? ORORO WILL HAVE A FUCKIN ANEURYSM. and marie will have an orgasm. for once in her life. hahaha references]. But it was still a great scene. Russell is actually a really good character, if he is a bit Woobie, Destroyer Of Worlds. But I like that trope. Simon from Cry of Fear is one of my favorite characters in that respect; sympathetic even to the very end if he kills Purnell and Sophie (god that monologue is so haunting... "have fun cleaning my brains off the wall. FUCK YOU."). He's basically just a mini Wade but a mutant first. And it allowed Wade to have a defining character moment.

And what a moment. There's a quote that was said about The Princess Bride that I feel works here. It was about the Inigo fight with Rugen. "A comedy is only as strong as the moment when it stops being funny." And the moment when Inigo stabs Rugen, and says "I want my father back, you son of a bitch." is just permanently etched in my mind because the entire movie you watch with a smile up until right at that moment. And when Wade finally bites it, you think "oh, he'll just wake up again and make another joke" but he doesn't. He doesn't move again. He shows up on death's door. And you hear the acoustic version of Take On Me. And he walks through the fog door, and he's got his skin back. He did it, he's finally reunited with Vanessa. And Cable looks away, and you start to piece together where they're going with it, and he goes back, and you wonder wtf is this, and it returns to the present day and Wade digs in the wound AND PULLS OUT THE SKEE BALL TOKEN HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS OH MY GOD THATS THE COOLEST SHIT IVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE JESUS CHRIST ON A STICK.

THE ENTIRE ENDING SCENE IS SO ICONIC.

And the whipped cream on top of the sundae is the headmaster getting creamed in the middle of his tirade. And then Dopinder's reaction is the cherry.

After that it kinda does the sappy ending which is fine for what it is. And then it brings in all the fourth wall breaking time travel shenanigans, drenching it in sap and Ryan Reynolds' brains.

The music is just OH MY GOD amazing. Yeah there's the pina colada song and skrillex and celine dion and ac/dc and enya and pat benatar and peter gabriel and cher and steve miller and for some reason diplo/french montana/lil pump but THOSE ARE ALL ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD OKAY???

The movie is chock full of amazing lines.

The fights are all really fluid and visceral.

The cinematography is always on point.

The plot formula is shaken up a little bit.

Several pedophiles die incredibly violently.

ITS A REALLY GREAT MOVIE, FOR REAL.

I'd literally say it's better than the first one.

All of the plot contrivances in the first half are negligible and are barely even problems unless you overanalyze them too much. Like I do.

And I also watched all of the extras... Celine Dion is such a good sport, really, and honestly kind of a dork and super endearing and I love her honestly and think she caught too much flak for being a) a woman b) popular c) in the worst 'romance' movie ever made tifuckintanic god I hate that movie so much despite loving kate winslett, leonardo dicaprio, and james cameron as much as I really loathe to admit it. And Ashes is a really good song.

And I never thought I'd say this but... Lil Pump has really nice flow. I really kinda hope he isn't the dead one. I despise French Montana but I love Sia and by extension Diplo (because LSD), and the song they did for the movie was... bad. But I'll probably be checking out Lil Pump soon.

And anyway the winter solstice mtv unplugged acoustic version of take on me? Beautiful.

I enjoyed this movie a lot, despite the nitpicks.

Thank you Canada. 🇨🇦

[leafsbabe]

Leon Draisaitl imagine- stop worrying

i love Leon so much and i really tried to make this cute

2k words

When you had first met Leon you would have never believed you’d be here right now, holding your baby in your arms. He seemed so cool and untouchable at first but you quickly discovered that his hard shell was hiding a soft core. And soft he was. Leon was an absolutely wonderful boyfriend, organizing cute dates and making you feel good about yourself.

Leon and you had never really talked about the future. Sure there was always the unspoken certainty that you’d stay together but neither of you voiced any plans about marriage and kids. In your mind owning a house and and a big fluffy dog was more than enough. You wouldn’t mind spending a few more years like that.

Sadly fate had another plan and so you found yourself crying on your bathroom floor just a few weeks before your anniversary. After weeks of headaches, throwing up, and overall feeling crappy you heard a pregnant woman in a store complain about her symptoms and noticed that they sounded eerily similar to yours. So you threw a pregnancy test in your basket and continued shopping, anxiously hoping that your thoughts were wrong.

Sadly you were right and when you saw the little plus sign confirming your fears.

You weren’t ready for a baby. And neither was Leon. Sure, the two of you had just moved into a house in a nice neighborhood and your Golden Retriever Sunny was definitely good with children as her previous family had three kids but that doesn’t mean that now would be a good time to have a baby. You had your job and Leon was away with the Oilers more often than not. He was already so stressed with the team, he didn’t need the added stress of a pregnant girlfriend or a crying infant.

You sat on the bathroom floor just thinking of ways to tell Leon while Sunny stood outside the door whimpering. She was such an amazing dog and could probably sense your distress. A little while later you could hear the front door be unlocked and Leon entering. Hearing her Papa arrive home got Sunny excited and caused her to bark loudly but she didn’t leave her place in front of the door. Instead she began to bark until you could hear Leon coming over to see why she was so upset.

“Hey, Sonnenschein. Where’s your mama, huh? Why are you barking like that?” His voice was soft as always when he talked to her. You still weren’t sure how to handle everything but you knew that you needed Leon with you right now.

“I’m in the bathroom. The door is unlocked can you please come in?”

Leon twisted the doorknob to open the door and as soon as it was opened far enough for Sunny to fit through you had a lap full of dog. Leon entered after her and sat down on the rim of the bathtub.

“Any reason you’re sitting on the bathroom floor?” He asked, his voice amused.

You thought about how you could break the news to him when you decided to just tell him.

„Why have we never talked about having kids?“

He looked puzzled for a moment before he looked down at his hands. „I don’t know,“ he said quietly, „it just never came up, I guess. I think someday in the future it would be nice to have kids with you. Having a little you or a little me running around the yard with Sunny. Why do you ask?“

Silently you leaned back against the cabinets and showed him the positive pregnancy test. You didn’t think he would run and abandon you but you still feared his reaction.

“Okay.” He said, before lowering himself down so he was sitting beside you. “Okay. It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.” He put his arm around you and pulled you close against him. You just closed your eyes and hoped that he was right.

To be completely honest you had everything but yourselves sorted out not even two months later. You barely had a tummy and if you wore a normal loose shirt it didn’t show at all. Yet, you already had a fully stocked nursery painted in soft pastel blue and orange to match the Oilers colors. The furniture was already assembled and the shelves stocked with supplies, cute outfits for pictures, cheap jumpers bought in packs of twenty that could and definitely would get dirty, and stuffed animals. You had appointments and special pregnancy classes booked and your best friend was already planning a baby shower. The only thing you had to manage was to somehow learn how to be parents. But Leon and you were already on it and had started the tradition of reading at least one chapter in a pregnancy book before going to bed. The two of you were getting more and more confident that you had everything under control.

At least you were before the complications started. Some lasting pains in your side made you worry and seek out a doctor. In the clinic they ran some tests and promptly ordered you to remain on bed rest for a majority of the remaining 4 months. At first this scared you but the medical staff insured you that as long as you were following their instructions the chances of losing the baby were basically nonexistent. Some mild bleeding and pains were to be expected as well as some braxton hicks contractions. You slowly stroked your small bump as you carefully listened to everything that was said.

Leon was on a road trip at the moment so he couldn’t be there in the doctors office with you to hold your hand and tell you that everything is okay. You knew that he would become super overprotective the moment he knew so you decided to just get everything important done before he got back and afterwards to just be content with him doting on you and your unborn child.

Your assumptions proved to be correct only three days later when Leon came home, you told him about what the doctor said, and he promptly put you on bedrest and refused to let you do anything except sit around and watch tv all day.

Whenever Leon wasn’t training or playing a game he was running around the house trying to make you feel as normal as possible. He brought you snacks and magazines and fluffed your pillows for you. You felt really happy that you had found a man as amazing as Leon to experience this with. Your favorite thing in the whole entire world was when Leon laid down close to your belly and talked to your baby. He would always talk to them in German so you didn’t understand much but you could hear a „liebe“ or „deine Mami“ thrown in here and there so you knew he was talking about how much he loved the baby and you.

Time flew by like crazy. Your belly grew and grew and somehow you were eight and a half months along and just waiting for the baby to arrive. Shortly before the beginning of month eight you had started to get the braxton hicks contractions the doctors had warned you about. They thought it would be safer to relocate to a hospital just in case baby Draisaitl decided to come early. The days in the hospital were more boring than the ones at home since there wasn’t much to do besides talking to some other mothers-to-be. You were really excited to meet your baby and you just wanted them out.

Sadly baby Draisaitl decided that the perfect time to be born would be in the middle of an Oilers game. You were just laying in the hospital bed and trying to watch Leon score on the tiny tv that hung on the wall when your water broke without any warning. Your baby apparently couldn’t wait to see the world because not even an hour later you held your pink screaming bundle of joy wrapped up in a baby blue blanket when Leon basically crashed into the room. He looked like he didn’t even change after the game and you actually had to lean forward to check if he was still wearing skates. He wasn’t but his shoes were unlaced so you guessed he nearly did. Leon nearly threw himself onto the bed next to you if it hadn’t been for you holding your newborn son.

“I can’t believe I missed it.” Was the first thing that came out of his mouth.

“Hi Leon, nice to see you too. How was your day? Mine was alright, I gave birth to your son in case you were wondering.” You tried to sass back. It wasn’t really effective though because your voice was still wobbly and tears were threatening to spill out of your eyes. Your little family was finally complete.

“A boy?” Leon’s voice started to sound close to crying too.

“Yeah, future little hockey player.” You carefully gathered the newborn in your arms before handing him over to Leon who protectively cradled him against his chest.

Exhausted you leaned back against the pillows and looked at your two favorite boys.

“How long do you think it’ll take for a bunch of rambunctious hockey players to come storming in yelling about being godfather?” You asked Leon, but he was too hypnotized by his baby to answer.

“Leon can you please calm down!” Leon had been acting antsy all morning. Today you were supposed to take little Noah home and your boyfriend was really stressing you out. Noah was sleeping in his carrier already dressed in some warm clothes and tucked under two blankets so there was no way that he was going to freeze in the harsh Edmonton winter. You bend down to put a little hat on him as well as making sure he was still asleep.

“Are you sure he’s allowed to come home? That he doesn’t need to stay in the hospital for a few more days? Is the house even ready for him? What if Sunny hates him? What if he hates me? What if I make a mistake? What if I drop him?”

You stepped in front of Leon and gently took his face into your hands. He was looking at you with wide eyes but you just gently stroked your thumb over his cheek. “Everything is okay Leon. You prepared the house so well for us. Everything is ready. The hospital was ready to release us days ago and you’re definitely not going to drop him. Sunny is going to love Noah and he is going to love you. Okay? You need to calm down baby, this is such a beautiful moment for us.”

He slowly started to calm down and you just continued to stand there and tried to soothe him. When he finally calmed down enough you grabbed your things and nodded towards the door.

“We should get going. Do you want to carry him?”

The entire way out of the hospital and to the car Leon was super cautious. He walked slowly and stopped every few steps to check on Noah. You though it was really sweet but you just wanted to go home and sleep in your own bed for a few hours before Noah needed to be fed. Driving approximately 10km/h was only annoying because other people kept honking and disturbing Noah. When you finally made it home you went straight to the nursery and put Noah down while Leon offered to make you some tea to calm down. After you laid Noah down in his crib you went to your bedroom to put away the clothes you had at the hospital and some of the presents the guys had given you. Once you finished that you wanted to go downstairs and find Leon so you could go cuddle on the couch for a few moments and enjoy being young and in love before you had to go back to being responsible parents but you didn’t got so far. Walking by the nursery you saw Leon standing in front of the crib looking down at a sleeping Noah. You quietly walked up beside him and looked down at your tiny baby.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” You quietly whispered.

“Yeah, this is perfect.”