#I once again have every single tag blocked like???? hello???????
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Hey tumblr stop recommending me canon x canon ships with Zooble and recommending me entire blogs that feature that content thanks
#not negatice I don't think???#it makes me feel Not so good™️ but idk this is more of a rant I guess#like tumblr. bestie. I have every single canon x canon ship of them blocked#also why are you recommending me blogs that ship them with other characters???#I once again have every single tag blocked like???? hello???????#you qant me to look at a blog where I have all of their content blocked??????#great website guys. recommends you blogs for tags you have blocked lol#ANYWAY I'm going to pretend canon x canon doesn't exist#I am frolicking and having fun yay :]#I <3 blocking tags
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The Last Goodbye
When they are Kia
Cod characters x f! reader
Inspired by MW3 and the tragic events that occurred this will be a three-part series if I do not get writers block lol.
So sorry for the not posting as much! It’s been a really crazy month and a lot of things had happened and caused me to have a bit of a depressive episode so thank you all for being super patient!
Warnings: mentions of death
John Price
You saw it on the news first before you got the visit. Your breath hitched when you saw the news of the air strike that had hit the base where your husband of 12 years was stationed at everything was decimated. And you couldn’t call or check to make sure that he was all right as he would not have his personal cell phone with him. It wasn’t until two days after the attack did two uniformed military officers showed up at your door holding prices old hat and SAS badge and dog tags. How they got them so quickly, you weren’t sure, but the news came like a sudden wave of cold water. “ we are so sorry for your loss.” One of the officers told you. The body would be arriving shortly within a week or so for proper burial you two had purchased side-by-side grave plots. And the will was already drawn up well before all of this had happened. John was a very precise man and always make sure to think 12 steps ahead. He knew his job was rough and he knew that at any moment he could drop dead. He made sure that his life insurance would be going to you, which was some relief sense the army didn’t pay much.
How to tell your daughter, that her father was not going to be coming back. What is the worst thing you could ever do to her young heart. She was only eight years old. She adored her father practically worship the ground. He walked on. She was always his little girl, and now the war stripped her of him. Stripped you of him..
When she came home from school, you had to sit her down. You held her hands, and with tears, you told the heartbreaking news. The young girl did not understand at first on why her father wasn’t coming back, and once again, you explained that he had died in action, and he would never be able to come home you’re a little girl started to cry, and when he tried to comfort her, she bolted from your arms and ran to her room, slamming the door, and she could hear her wails. You yourself cried yourself to sleep for the first few weeks all the way up until the funeral your friends and family members gathered around you doing everything that they could to comfort you and your daughter people were calling in every single day talking with you for hours on end, while other people stopped by to bring you food.
Every day it felt like a horrifying nightmare. The one that reoccurs every single time slightly more horrifying than the last. As you were going through your stuff and trying to decide what if his you wanted to keep and what of his you wanted to donate you noticed on your phone you had gotten an email from Kate Lasswell. She had sent a video to you actually several saying in the email that he wanted you to have this and gave her explicit instructions in case if he was to ever die.
Pressing the play button, you watched as his face appeared in the camera as he sat down and smiled at you. The way, his eyes twinkled and the crows feet around them creased. “ hello dove” he started at first and you had to pause the video because you were overwhelmed with the emotions. When you stabilized yourself again, you continued. “ I know it’s been a long time since I’ve talked to you and I know that if you’re seeing this, it means that I have passed….. mission was going to be botched no matter what I just didn’t want to tell you the statistics at first…” he paused himself, as he seem to be collecting his words in his own voice was shaking “ I really wish I could come back home to you. I told you that this would be the last mission that I would do before retiring… I promise to take you out on that date that you wanted to go to that fancy restaurant.” he paused again, closing his eyes, and releasing out a large sigh.
“ I’m sorry I never got to take you…. I had so many plans to do with you and Alice… it doesn’t seem fair that I didn’t get a chance to do that” once again, you had a pause the video so that you could take a minute to cry. The plans that you had with each other right now by the wayside. You unpause did it again, and continued on listening. “ I know right now you’re depressed.” he stated, folding folding his hands, and leaning on the desk in a slightly business fashion way. “ in the email that Kate sent you there is several groups that you can join that are for the spouses of the deceased militant partner. Please join one as well as make sure our daughter also goes to one for kids. She’s going to need that support… you both are.” he smiled again, but it was a Sad smile. “ I also made sure to have a college fund started for her. You don’t have to worry about it until she’s ready. There should be plenty of money for her to attend all the way up until graduate year as long as she goes to a decent university. Make sure it’s only used for that if she chooses not to go to university or to go to a less expensive one, you can use the money to buy her a car or whatever she needs to get her life started…. I’m sorry this had all come to this…. As you know I have set aside a life insurance, and the beneficiary goes to you. I also saved up a lot of my savings as well. Feel free to use it as necessary.” he knew that you were going to be smart with the money. “ He paused and looked at you “you are my beloved…. I’m so sorry my dove that you have to face this alone. Please take care of yourself. Find a husband that loves you like I did and a good father figure for our daughter.” This made him tear up. “I will wait for you in heaven and I will watch over you both. You mean so much love. No one or nothing can separate this love. The email that is sent to you also has several videos for Alice. For her birthdays, graduation, moving out to university, marriage and their child. I made sure to make a video for all of that… I also left many for you. Please don’t hesitate to just let me listen to you… I love you.”
The video ended and you sat in the chair, Thinking things though. He set life up for you and your daughter. He was still looking after both of you. You cried for a bit before getting up and knocking on your daughters door. Your little girl opened up with tears on her face. “Hey baby… daddy sent you something.” She sniffed as you picked her up and took her to your old husband’s office. After sitting down with her in his old chair, you turned on the next video. “Hey Angel!” John’s face lit up when the camera started you could see he had been crying. “Angel, im not coming home, it’s not that I don’t want to but it’s because I got called up to heaven. I want you to do something for me my sweet, I want you to watch over momma ok? She is going to need you and you are going to need her. He glanced up as if looking at you then looked back down at his daughter. “You are such a special little girl. I love you so much. Momma has the other videos for you to watch when you grow up. I’m so so sorry to leave you like this. I did not
I did not want to go. I know you were looking forward to see me and so was I… you are my sunshine. My only sunshine.” He stated singing the song he sang when she was down or sad. “You make me happy, when sky’s are grey. You never know dear, how much I love you, so please don’t take my sunshine away…. I love you my angel.” The video ended. Your daughter looked at you. “What now?” She asked. “Well… now we do what daddy said… we do our best to move on, but not to forget him. We will be OK.” You held her as you too watched the sunset fade beneath the horizon, a beautiful white dove landed on he window, cooed and looked at you before flying off into the golden rays of the pink sky.
Simon Riley
You were cleaning in the kitchen when you heard a knock at the door. Putting the sponge back in the soapy hot water. You wiped your hands and made your way to the door. Two military officers took at the door, Solum faces as they greeted you. “Hello can I help you?” You asked
“Mrs (y/n) Riley?” One of them asked.
“Yes that is me.” You looked at them worried.
“I’m sorry, Lieutenant Simon Riley was killed in action.” The officer said gravely as he handed you a box of his things.
You took the box with tears in your eyes. The men told you that his body was found and would be returning soon. You thanked them and closed the door as you held the box tightly in your arms and sunk to the floor sobbing. Your sweet Simon. He was gone, never to come home to you and your son. You knew it was a dangerous job, but it never really hit you till now. Your husband, the man that always let you take off his mask, the man that would cuddle with you at night and rub your back after a long day, the father of your 3 month old son who he would stay up late to let you sleep. He was gone, ripped apart from you. How were you going to tell your son about his father, the man who loved his son from the moment he was born. You cried on the cold floor till you fell asleep, still holding onto the box. You woke up to the sound of your son crying in his room. Getting up, you walked and a dead sonter to his room. Tomas your son named after your husbands brother, was crying in his cradle. Carfully you picked him up and held him close. He looked so much like his daddy, blonde hair, dark blue eyes, fair skin. “Shhhhh my love” you rocked your son with tears in your eyes. “Daddy isn’t coming back.” You stated as a hiccup got you. “He loved you so much…. He loved me.” You knew your son wouldn’t remember this but it was still so sad to hold your little boy and know he would never have a father and son bonding.
You sobbed as you held onto him. Tomas sensing his mothers destress, he quieted down and cooed. After a while you fed him and put him down to bed once more. You opened the box after sitting down with a hot cup of tea, ready to take on what you needed to. With a sniffle, you opened the lid to reveal his skull mask, the dog tags that he wore, his SAS badge, and a few other things. “Oh Simon” new murmured as you carefully picked up the mask and set the box down as he traced over the lines to his skeletal features on his balaclava. It smelled like him. That rich, earthy smell, that he always seems to have with a hint of gunpowder and bourbon. It was a lingering sent, but it was a good one at that. You held the mass close as you leaned back on the couch and close your eyes. You already missed him more than you did before maybe it was because you knew that you would never see him again, to have him be in the house and be present with you and your son. You would go on with your life fine you are a tough woman, one of the many reasons to why Simon married you, but it was your son that you were worried about. You wanted your son to have a father figure. A dad that he would learn to grow up and love. Simon never had that sort of dad, and had always wanted to be that way for his own children.
Now Simon was never going to live out his dream, and Thomas, your son, was never going to have that sort of special bond. I thought made you incredibly sad once more but no tears fell, your eyes were all dried from the previous crying. The weeks came and the funeral happened, your husband looked peaceful in his casket. You wanted some alone time with him first and held his stiff, cold hand. “ Thomas will miss you… I will miss you. You were my rock and shield. It’s going to be hard without you Si… I will always love you and miss you.” The funeral took place and it was a sad time. The team of 141, your family and friends helped with whatever you needed. Now, you were cleaning out things from your late husband. As you were cleaning out his bedside table drawer, you saw a note, folded up neatly. Curious, you unfolded the lined paper and read the words on the paper.
“My dear (y/n), Birdie if you are digging in my drawer then that means I have passed, the mission was botched… I’m sorry… I know Thomas is in good hands with you. Please don’t worry about money. My account will be given to you. As I am writing this, it’s late, you’re sleeping next to me. It’s the night before we leave… I am looking at you for the last time, taking in all your beautiful details. Your face is so soft in sleep, you look so angelic. I am going to miss you… I know you will miss me too… I’m sorry I haven’t said ‘I love you’ that much. I hope you know I cherished and deeply loved you. I still do. I know you are a strong woman, that is what drew me to you. I know you will move on. If you wish, find someone who can love you and our son just as much as I loved you. I will be waiting for you when you come. I will always be watching out for you. Please don’t let our son forget me. I want him to know how much I loved him and you. I love you my Birdie, my beautiful wife. ~Simon.”
You held onto the paper and cried. This was going to be ruff. You were going to be ok. A sense of comfort filled your mind and warmth flooded your body. “I love you my Simon” you smiled and the familiar sent of him wafted and you felt his warmth envelop you.
Gaz
when the news reached you, it hurt like 1000 tiny little daggers. You had just gotten married to Gaz, your Relationship was just beginning. The two of you had been high school sweethearts. Times had gotten tough for both of you and you broke off your relationship before time being until you rekindled it once again, realizing that he was the only person for you. You had only gotten married a few months prior and just had your honeymoon before he was shipped off. Four months he was gone. And he was supposed to come back in two, however, the letter that you received told a different story. He would never be coming home. His body was blown up so badly that they couldn’t find all the pieces to him. We would do everything that they could to get the majority of him back home so that there could be some proper burial. This broke your heart. He would never get to share the life with you that you too so desperately dreamed about, a small home, somewhere on the suburbs of London with a dog, and maybe a child somewhere down the line. That was your plan at least but now things have changed, and now your beloved was gone.
It had been a few weeks since the death, and the burial of what was left at him. You had moved back in with your parents for the time being. As you were cleaning up your room, doing the best to get over your grieving you noticed a note on your bed they have been delivered by your mother earlier. Carefully you walked up to the letter and looked at it. It was addressed to you by Gaz. A sense of panic swelled in your chest. Did he really survive? Or was this some cool trick that somebody was playing? Quickly opened the envelope, and you looked at the letter the date showing that it was a month ago that he had sent this; before his death. With shaky hands, you begin to read the chicken, scratch lettering, tracing over every word, and taking to heart as if it was the gospel.
“Hey Love!
Things are crazy right now! We’re going to be going into a city not too far from here. I’ll make sure to pick up some stuff for you. I know you’ve been wanting to decorate the house for a while and I’m so excited to see what sort of projects you’ve been working on? How’s the art piece coming? I remember you telling me that you wanted to start up painting again. We always had such a pretty drawings. I have no doubt that they’re not going to be beautiful. I hope you hang them on the wall for us to see. I miss you. A part of me wishes that you were here at least the part that isn’t the most violent. Unfortunately, we’re not in the best area we are being attacked left and right. Don’t worry sweetheart. I’ll be home soon! I promise I’ll fix the leaky faucet. I know it’s been driving you crazy. I I sent a letter to my folks, but could you tell them that I miss them as well? I want them to know how much I miss them, but I think I miss you the most. When I get back can we get a dog? Also, can we have like a full day of playing video games just with you and me? I know I sound like I’m rambling, but it’s just what’s on my mind recently. Late night cuddles with you while playing Mario kart. It just sounds so relaxing right now. I’m really tired. Well sweetheart, I better get to bed. I love you and I hope that you have an amazing day tomorrow and the next and the next after that.
Your Husband,
Gaz”
Hugging the letter, you cried your eyes out. Tears streaming down your face as you laid on the bed, holding onto the last remnant of what your husband left you. It sounded as if he was somewhere in a safer, better place. You hoped that he died quickly that he didn’t suffer and his last thoughts were good thoughts. A breeze drifted into the room from your open window and a warm bit of sunshine hit your cheek as the breeze drifted passed it felt like a stroke on your soft face. He was there sitting beside you, even though you couldn’t see it, you could feel his presence. He was safe and he was watching over you.
Johnny McTavish
The news has gotten to you quickly. It was actually delivered by Price himself. You couldn’t believe it. Your Scottish highland your man was no longer going to come home to you. He was shot through the head. Taking a bullet to save a life. Your young son, John, named after his father, was going to be home from school soon the devastating news hurt you more than anything else out there. How are you going to tell your six-year-old son that he was not gonna have his daddy near anymore? Who was going to play football with him in the yard? Who is going to read bedtime stories? Who is going to play in the rain with him? Your son needed his father that boy looked up to his dad, like he was the sun, its self. The news hurt you hard calling his parents and his family was going to be hard as well if they had an already heard the news. He was close with everybody and his family and he had quite a large family.
The upcoming days to the Memorial as you wish to have been cremated, were hard and brutal. Everybody that you knew, and your friends and his family all gave their condolences to you and to each other he was loved and well liked by everyone your son took it hard he didn’t understand why his dad wasn’t coming home and cried and cried and cried it was like that for almost a whole week, he was doing so bad that you had to pull him out of school for the time being because he was unable to function properly. You did everything you could you hold him tight in your arms until he cried himself to sleep at night in which you also cried your own silent tears. You would go walk on the open, Highlands that overlooked the beautiful scenery where your husband, his father’s ashes, cast out upon the open landscape. A small memorial was placed there in memory. You would have picnics out there are frequently, simply listening to the birds call from high above and feel the warm sun cast It’s beautiful rays. They felt cold and dull to you, but you did your best to hold out for your son.
Cleaning out the closet with all of his stuff. What is your next task as you were taking some of his old stuff down you noticed a hard drive they had fallen out of one of his pockets with your name on it. Curious, you took the hard drive and you plugged it into your laptop. It open the file which had a video and it. You clicked play.
The video with your husband sitting on the couch in your living room, smiling at you “Hello my bonne Lass. if yer seeing this then ye know what happened and I don’t think I need ta say anymore abou tha’. I am so sorry that I cannot be with Yer. I love ye so much. I love our son John so much. Please remind hem’ every day how much I love him. Please play football with hem as much as ye can. Please read to hem every night fer me. I know it’s a lot ta ask with what’s going on but I think it might be good fer both of ya ta share tha’ quality time. I’m gonna miss ye both, but I’m always going te be with yer. I’m always going to be watching over mo little family. Don’t worry Lass, life insurance should cover a huge portion of everything. Hopefully it can help provide some security fer you and fer John. I also have tha’ university fund ye wanted me ta set up fer him. Let the money grow and add te it. If ye want by the time he turns 18 he can open that account. The files are actually in my cabinet on the right side of the desk. It has all the important paperwork and documentaries yer gonna need. I really wish I was there with ya Lass. I’m going to miss holding you at night and whispering I love yous.” His beautiful eyes stared right back at you with his stupid little mohawk and broad shoulders facing the camera. “ I know you got this, please don’t ferget about me, but I do want you moving on. Find a man that makes yer heart is happy to be with as it was with meh. I know it’s a lot ta ask for, and I’m not expecting ye ta get married right this instant… I want ta see ye happy I want to see you taken care of. I love ye, my princess.” he reached over to turn off the device that he was using, and the video ended abruptly. A new wave of tears hit your face as you laid your head on the desk and cried for the fifth or sixth time in the past few days. Your son came in the room and gently touched your shoulder. “It’s OK mama! Daddy’s going to be with us. He’s just going to be invisible.” he was quoting some thing that you had told him. When you had to break the news to John, you had told him that the angels up in heaven needed his daddy to help fight the battle up there because he was so good at his job. One day he would be able to meet his daddy up there as well. Now John had taken this to heart and there’s now quoting this in hopes to make you feel better. You carefully picked up your son and held him close to you. “ you know you’re the best against your father had ever giving me? When you were born, he had tears in his eyes and he was hugging you and kissing all over your face and just absolutely doting on you 24 seven. He told me how proud he was of you. He told me how proud he was of me. Those were good times.” Your son gently hold you tight in his own little arms. “ it’s OK mama will make it out together.” You could almost feel a kiss on your forehead as if…. As if your husband was leaning over to comfort you.
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Read on A03
Lily Evans had spent half the day at the park trying to study her uni notes but no matter how hard she tried, she got distracted. It was the start of term and she was already dreading it. That couldn't be healthy.
It was autumn so the leaves were all brilliant colours. Lily marveled at every single pretty red, gold, or orange leaf that drifted from the branches that she sat under. Lily stopped studying to grab a coffee down the street from a local cafe. Lily drew in the margins of her notes: stars and swirls mixing into her small handwriting. Lily even sat for an hour on her stomach, building leaf houses with leaves and sticks.
Quite frankly, she wasn't really studying.
Leaning back onto her elbows she spotted a large black dog wandering around the park. It looked well taken care of and Lily imagined the dog belonged to the couple sitting at a park bench at the end of the park. The black dog was having a grande old time.
Lily watched with a smile creeping onto her face as the dog bounded after small mammals, birds, and drank from the small pond not to far from where she sat. It was running around gaily, like it had not a care in the world. Lily giggled when it started smelling the leaves and rolling in them.
Lily went back to her notes, highlighting a few words and glancing back up. The couple had left the park but they hadn't taken the dog. A few lines of worry crossed Lily's brow. The large black dog was now panting not far from where Lily sat under the trees. It was looking around the park jovially–not seeming bothered that the couple had left.
"Odd," Lily murmured, standing up and adjusting her jumper.
The dog saw her moving and it's ears perked up, eyes frozen on Lily's cautiously moving form.
"Hello," Lily called warmly to the animal.
The dog tilted it's head.
"Who do you belong to?" Lily asked it, grinning and holding out her fingers for the dog to sniff as she approached slowly.
The dog sniffed her fingers lazily before flopping onto it's back and wagging it's tail. Lily chuckled and got onto her knees to rub the dog's stomach. Once she had gained the trust of the animal she quickly reached up to grab a silver and black collar hanging around it's neck.
The silver name tag was in the shape of a star and it said the animal was called Padfoot. Lily felt her lips quirk up. What an odd name for an animal.
"Padfoot."
The dog grumbled happily from beneath her hands. Padfoot then began licking her face gratefully and she laughed, pushing the dog from her lap. Padfoot didn't take well to that and put his paws on her shoulders, lapping her entire face enthusiastically.
"Oi!" A voice shouted irritably from somewhere behind them.
Padfoot dropped from Lily's body like he'd been shot. Lily stood up and whirled around in accusation at the yelling person. Padfoot slunk behind Lily's heels to hide form the approaching man. Lily noted the man was about her age and he had on a hoodie from the same Uni she went to. Lily reached back to touch Padfoot's head in support as the man came over to them, red in the face.
"Come here!" The man swept around Lily to try and grab the dog roughly.
Lily grabbed the man's hand before he could grab Padfoot. "Excuse you!"
The man actually glanced up at her with an annoyed face and then he actually looked at her. They stared at each other a few moments and Lily saw he had a kind face–despite his yelling. She admired his hazel eyes behind thick rimmed glasses and noted his bag that was slung over his shoulder was slightly open showing english books.
"Hello." The black haired man muttered, hand shooing right up to his already messy hair. “Thanks for finding my dog–he's a bloody–anyways I'll just–" The boy tried to grab the dog again but Lily blocked him and crossed her arms.
"How do I know this is your dog?" She mused thoughtfully.
The boy scratched his head. “Er…his name is Padfoot and he's my dog?"
"How do I know you aren't trying to steal him?" Lily asked, "the dog has been here all afternoon. You could've read his tag. How do I know you own him? How did you not notice your dog was missing?"
A flash of annoyance crossed the face of the man, "Well, yeah, that'd be because the git managed to open the locks on my front door when I was at class. Decided to take himself for a walk." Hazel eyes glared down at the dog who was slinking out of reach behind Lily's protection.
Lily stood her ground, "Until I see identification, I won't let you take him anywhere."
Instead of placing accusing eyes on Lily the boy glared at the dog and muttered, "you planned this somehow, you rotten git."
Padfoot wagged his tail. Lily grabbed Padfoot's collar and started dragging the dog towards her notes and books. The man didn't even bother following her.
"I'll see you later then?" he called after her as Lily picked up her things and fed Padfoot some of her biscuit from earlier that day.
Lily stared at the boy incredulously, "what makes you say that?"
The man snorted, "because that's my dog and I'm going to need him back."
"Right." Lily answered doubtfully, patting her side, "come along Padfoot."
The dog happily trotted after Lily and they left the black haired man standing alone in the middle of the park. Lily saw out of the corner of her eye when the man raised his hands to his hair again–pulling at the roots.
"Traitor!" the man shouted after Padfoot who trotted alongside Lily, quite content, "you're sleeping outside for the rest of your life mutt!"
Lily sent the man a glare before dragging Padfoot along home with her. Lily passed the Pet Store on the way home and grabbed a leash and some food for the happy dog. The man at the Pet Store supplied Lily with the address to the pet shelter where she could get fliers to find Padfoot's real family.
it took Lily two days to get the fliers up and meanwhile, Padfoot remained happily at her flat. They went for walks every morning and every night. Lily took the dog with her everywhere because she was enjoying the company. Lily had always wanted a dog but she could never get any with her previous flat mates. Now that she lived alone it was nice to have a friend to sit and watch telly with.
On their third night together, Lily and Padfoot were bonding over pizza and ice cream on the couch when the doorbell rang. Giving Padfoot the crust to her pizza, Lily stood up and brushed back her red hair in surprise. It was later in the afternoon and she had been planning to just hang out with the dog. She didn't recall any of her mates offering to drop by.
Momentarily Lily wondered if Padfoot's owners had seen the flier. Opening her thick oak door a piece of paper was thrust into her face. Befuddled, Lily backed out of the doorway and a voice called cheerily.
"Hello, again."
Lily stared. it was the man from the park and he was wearing a button down shirt with his slacks. He looked older and more mature now as he waved a piece of paper in front of her face. The smile on his face was mischievous and his hazel eyes twinkled triumphantly.
"What are you doing here?" Lily demanded, glancing back behind her to make sure Padfoot was out of sight.
"Getting my dog." the man replied irritably, "Would you read the paper?"
Lily snatched the paper he kept waving in her face and read that it was an certification to a Mr. James Fleamont Potter from a breeder for a dog called–
"Padfoot." the words on her tongue were sheepish and she looked up at the man, James Potter, hesitantly, "Oh."
James potter crossed his arms over his chest and the grin of satisfaction was clear on his smug face, "So my dog, yeah?"
Embarrassed, Lily opened her door up wider and allowed the male to step into her hallway. James walked swiftly into her flat, looking around the the pictures and stopping at a particular one of Lily and her mate Mary at uni together.
"You know Mary McDonald?" he looked at her in surprise, "I play football with her."
Lily closed her front door and eyed the boy in surprise, "I've never seen you at matches."
"Likewise." he replied smoothly, but his hazel eyes were regarding her rather intensely behind his glasses.
"Er, so, your dog." Lily motioned him to come into the flat more, "I hope you don't mind but I've kind of been spoiling him–"
As she guided James into the room where she and Padfoot had been eating pizza and ice cream together a grin spread across James' face. Padfoot looked up from the couch where he had been finishing off another piece of pizza from the box Lily had left on the table. James turned back to Lily who was red in the face.
"Pizza and ice cream?"
"I know, I'm so sorry but I was–"
"At least not on a school night."
Lily stopped all her apologies and stared at James in shock at the words that had come out his mouth. James was grinning at her like he'd never even been mad that she took Padfoot from him in the first place. James shook his head like he was disappointed but his smile was still wide.
"Come on Evans, how am I going to get him home now?"
"I don't–" then she paused, "how did you know my name?"
James raised a suggestive eyebrow, "You did put out posters with your name printed on them."
Lily had no comeback. Where had this boy come from? More importantly Lily didn't like the way he kept making her blush with a simple smirk in her general direction. Lily watched as James took to the couch to hook a leash around Padfoot's collar. Enticing the big black dog with Pizza, James lured the Padfoot off the couch and back over to Lily.
"I'm happy he's got a family." Lily muttered, looking away from James, feeling butterflies in her stomach when his hand touched her shoulder.
"Thanks for caring for him." Lily glanced up at his soft tone and when their eyes connected his wicked smirk returned, "A bloke like me can certainly appreciate a girl who takes better care of his dog than he ever could."
Lily smiled and showed James to the door, leaning against the frame as he lured Padfoot outside into the cool autumn weather. Lily watched James take the dog away and sighed deeply. The flat already felt empty with Padfoot gone and Lily found herself trying to memorize the exact shape of the smirk on James' face.
She was just considering texting Mary and asking her for football match times when the phone in her pocket vibrated.
(029) 3214 7856: Same time next week? I'll bring the dog and pizza if you provide ur favorite ice cream xJP
A smile retraced it's way back across her features and she instantly started typing back a message.
Lily Evans: How'd you get my number?
James Potter: The same way I got your name
Lily Evans: Clever. Do you like chocolate or vanilla?
James Potter: Both
James Potter: BTW my football games are tuesdays and thursdays 6PM
Lily felt warmth flooding her every pore as she closed her front door and leaned against the oak, smiling down at her screen.
Perhaps this term wouldn't be as dreadful as she originally anticipated.
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through the puddles of ink
since it's a new academic year, a new chapter of my life and i thought, since i've been on tumblr for around eight months now that it's about time i properly introduced myself - this would shock the person i was when i first started this blog, but as it's grown so have i, and i think university has indefinitely helped my confidence - so, without further ado, here goes i'll start this properly by explaining the title of this post - through the puddle of ink
ink is important because obviously it is the basis of literature, the foundation of stories and fitting to my blog name, you dip the quill in the ink to write, to forge an adventure that tests the imagination and takes a reader to wonderful places and puddles because let's face it, ink is messy, ink is chaotic, just like me, my characters, and my writing and because through the looking glass is a very iconic title i also watched that movie in the cinema years ago, i took inspiration, and here we are now - this post is a reflection of me, the beautiful nightmares and writing gremlins that co-exist within my brain and a way for me to get to better know my mutuals, anyone and everybody on writeblr!
here comes the scary part - only for me, and my semi-awkward self - introducing myself, i've never been very good at this stuff so bear with me - and have mercy on my nervous soul,
for the longest time i've loved the sort of self-imposed anonymity of this blog, and don't get me wrong i still do adore my blog name but I thought it was about time I properly introduced myself, so, let me just shuffle some papers in the library of my mind, find the right phrasing for this and... (cue angry hitting of the keyboard) hello! my name is Erin and i'm a writer, a lover of chaos, and a semi-functioning tempest somehow existing within society - i love and ramble about lots of different things - books, shows, songs, you name it, i can waffle and sometimes i can waffle well (that is how i am now going to describe my writing, because it feels like it fits so well)
phew, i got that out, that tiny paragraph was a lot of effort (and i've beaten writers block more often than i can count)
this little post might not seem like much, but to me it's a lot, and i'm happy to have made it this far, and i'm so looking forward to continuing to grow alongside this blog and writeblr (i love you all, no seriously)
and now onto some very much needed rambling about my works, because there's a lot the lovely folk of writeblr are yet to know (and it will come, in time, but here's what i can say for now)
Ruin's Reprisal - we all know the tale of this, my oldest, most functioning (cough, using that term loosely) work - well, where to start? well, i'm on the final stage of proofreading, and once that's all done i'm hoping (let's be honest, dreaming,) to have the final draft complete and out in the great wide world come christmas/new year (that is a courageous goal, even for me, but who knows, maybe i can pull it off, just maybe)
A Deal Of Daggers - it's almost time for nanowrimo, which marks two years since the idea for this first came to me, and i cannot wait to spend autumn working on it (not that i am participating in nano properly this year, what with student-life obligations, but i'm going to write what i can) and i've been steadily chipping away with a few chapters already
those are my two main works, and probably the only works i've been focusing on over the last couple of months - and i've fallen completely and wholeheartedly in love with them all over again, as i do, every single time i open the files on scrivener
as far as my tired but over-eager to write brain can think this should be it for everything i wanted to include in this post until the next post (which won't be long, i can guarantee it),
~ Erin, A Girl and Her Quill, or whatever this hellscape would like to call me :)
~ ~ ~
now for the tag list! (i forgot to add it when i posted, oops!)
(p.s if you'd like to be included/notified too, interact with this post :))
@humbly-a-doppelganger @imawholeassmood @frostedlemonwriter @yrndrgn @abditorywriting
@riveriafalll @lead-to-code @casualsuitturtle @floweryprosegarden @joeys-piano
@catwingsathena @godsmostfuckedupgoblin @nothoughtsjustmhaandotherthings @anaisbebe
@drchenquill @leahnardo-da-veggie @tiredpapergirl @pastelpinkhobbies
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find the word tag!
Hello all, my find the word game! My words were – out, bright, grow, and forever
Yours are ; sweet, warm, and died
This is the first time I have ever made any of TWRAL public so… tell me what you think! shout out to @friendlyshaped for tagging me!
Out –
“No Cyrus. I have done many things wrong. and in a way I am a calamity. If the world soul likes my story then they are a twisted being. let me tell you the past of an old man.”
Even Alex settled to hear it. the world moving around us felt like it was hinging on his next words.
“in my home nation there is an old story. a story about how the first Sentinel died. when the stones had just been born a great Naga ruled over Nashara. he could drive a person to insanity, when you hear a meton in your mind it can feel invasive, but you can block it out. Malichi however could take it over. as time when on he became a tyrant. About a hundred years ago his right hand, a meton, angered him. but before he was tortured he established a link with a lieutenant who’s name has been erased, but his right hand had a secret. That he was like me. The Sentinel never imagined someone doing it back to him, and when Malichi poured torment into him, the lieutenant made a feedback loop, linking there minds in a maelstrom of torment. it went beyond insanity, each time the thought went from one to another it was amplified. the meton died but gods don’t die so easily-
Bright –
“I’m here because I’ve lived a life based on fear. I’m here because I forgot what Liam actually wanted. I’m here so that I can find something that changes the world. I’m here because what you have shown me is who I am, and I forgot that.”
the form shook, the heads all placed besides one another , nine mouths linking into one giant smile “you are very bright, slave of the endless. you may return.”
the world came into focus, and I was in the Mistwalkers hall once more. Alex looked dazed as well and stared at me. “Cyrus, I think I have some things to tell you.”
Grow –
“sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like had I not chosen this route. there was a time when I thought I might have a life that was calm. maybe find a wife, have some kids. hah, they would probably be your age now.” Leon took a cutting knife that looked far to small in his hands and sliced a thin piece to check the meat “but I guess that’s the part that they don’t tell you. your life exists right now and there is no going back. a word of advice, grow old. find a family, find something that makes you happy. a sword gets heavier the longer you carry it”
Forever –
I saw what was about to happen. if a single shot pierced Alex in this form she may be stuck like this forever. watchers healed slower than even kara. and if she couldn’t be the human anymore it would scar her.
“I’m… I’m here to see my mom. she said to leave because of the assassination. I’m from Versel, my mom. uh, Cassandra sent me to school there.”
the guard squinted his eyes, a few lowered their bows but the head and his circle had not.
“Cassandra doesn’t have a kid. that bitch couldn’t find a mate if she tried.”
I was taken aback. I was tired. I was angry. every emotion I suppressed flooded to my my head as the staff in my hand grew warm.
“Cassandra is a smarter woman than you. A fucking low-life guard, insulting her? Do I need to prove that were related?” I felt years of anger welling up at once. If I had a mother, I would want to protect them. and the piece of me that longed for a family was no longer a small flame, instead an inferno. Maybe that’s what I needed. “let me show you why she is hated. you already know, but a demonstration may help before you insult her again.” the staff now glowed a bright crimson , even if I couldn’t see it I knew the color of radiance in my eyes. I saw the sparks of the anomaly that surrounded me. but not fire, never fire. Even Alex backed away as the blue sparks danced around me. it was exhilarating to feel the radiance from the pillars in my body now-
down to play @akiwitch @patternwelded-quill @rhyaxxyn @lukas-wrld ??
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Hello and welcome to my first au I ever came up with in the FNF fandom!
First up are some rules about what you can and canNOT do with my art.
1. You cannot steal, trace, modify, or otherwise edit my artwork in any way shape or form.
2. You cannot repost my artwork to your blog, or ANY other platform you own/run in any capacity (like Pinterest or Twitter). That counts as stealing, even if you give credit for it. I did not give you permission to do so and I never will. If you would LIKE for me to post my art somewhere else (Twitter and Insta and those apps are an immediate “no” as I don’t have them and never will), all you have to do is ask. I will most likely say yes.
3. If you wish to use my art as a profile picture or a banner (unless you’re “yourlocalcostplayer/theunicorngirl6109”, you’ve lost this privilege completely), you MUST give credit to me, and put it as the *first thing* in your Bio/About Me so it’s easily seen.
4. If and ONLY IF I make a base that I (and ONLY I and @starified-lizzy- as that’s my main) label as “free for you guys to use” (once again, THEY lost this privilege), you can use it without asking, HOWEVER you MUST give me credit for making the original base, and link it back to the original post.
5. If I start a DTIYS (Draw this in your style), you can join without asking! However you must follow Rule 1 completely in that; you CANNOT trace over my art while doing so. It has to be done completely on your own (hence the name; Draw this in YOUR style. Not mine). Trust me, I can tell if you trace my shit, because I know my style. You don’t. And when you post it to your blog, make sure you credit me for starting the DTIYS.
6. Don’t try to sell my art (like try to get money from it). That’s yucky and gross and you need serious mental help if you do this.
Onto the actual au stuff!
Here are some things regarding names to keep in mind for this au;
Boyfriend’s name in this is Blue
Girlfriend’s name in this is Sophia
BB, from the VS Big Brother mod, is named Navy in this.
Blue’s mother is named Indigo in this.
Spirit’s human name was Sebastian.
Corrupted Blue when he just kinda… shows up, when we get to that arc, is referred to as C.
Server for au!!
The rough timeline for this au, without spoiling, is as follows:
1. A written version of the original game, that fits with this au (no singing or beep boops for the entire story- tho Blue does ‘beep’ when startled).
2. Corruption era, starting off extremely similar to PhantomFear’s mod, before it diverts into my own version of the story after Nexus Pico.
3. A bit of… interesting things regarding the Corruption Era
4 & 4.5 are no longer happening. Maybe in a oneshot or something I’ll write it how I originally viewed it, but it won’t be canon.
5. Wrapping up the story with some lore “explaining.”
6. Technically not an arc, but any mini stories I feel like adding over time, and some other things like- wrapping up other character’s personal problems that I didn’t get to in the main story.
I will plan on updating this story with at least two chapters per month. I can’t promise any more than that, as writers block hits hard and fast, and I can’t control it. (Plus also I have work and college all week, with only one day off normally).
Here are some tags you can use to tag any fanart you make!
Some of the more generic tags you can use are #fnf au, or #fnf corruption au, paired with any of the fanart tags you see fit to use.
A specific one you can use to really single it out (which I will also add to every canon thing for this au after I post this) is #Star’s FNF au, or #Star’s corruption au!
#au things, #fnf au thoughts, is a tag I use for rants about this au.
#chaos quartet things, is for any posts regarding Spirit, C, Soul, and Blue in any degree, whether it be art, memes, or info dumps.
#trouble trio, is for any posts with Spirit, C, and Soul ONLY. Blue is not included in this.
Here is a link to the very start of the fic!
I hope you guys all enjoy your time here! I want this to be a safe space where we can just geek out over our little critters of characters and bounce ideas and headcanons off of each other without being judged!
(don’t be weird about any of it though, like no NSFW stuff. That stuff can make literally anyone uncomfy, so don’t. This isn’t the place for your… fantasies.)
#fnf au#fnf corruption au#Star’s FNF au#Star’s corruption au#fnf fanfic#ao3 link#ao3 fanfic#intro post#au intro#no spoilers!#au things#fnf
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Ok so I know I don't like fics that portray Manfred as an asshole, and I literally have the tag 'Manfred von Karma Being an Asshole' blocked on AO3
...but this fic is just him being an asshole. That's it, that's the fic
It wasn't often that Todd's desk phone rang, and it was a first for his entire career working in the LA prosecutor's office that he found it ringing the moment he stepped into the basement. He walked over to it in no particular hurry, supposing that it had to either be someone with the wrong number or a scam. Who called for IT support before six-thirty a.m.? There wasn't a single person in the building that should've been working at such an hour.
“Hello?” he said, not bothering with whatever more official-sounding greeting he was meant to give.
“It's about time someone answered,” snapped a gruff voice on the other end. “I've been trying this number for an hour. My computer is broken, and I expect you to fix it.”
Todd rolled his eyes as he started up his own computer. It was the typical user: loud and angry and likely stretching the facts to an unrecognizable point. Trying his number for an hour. It was more likely that whoever was calling arrived at the office five minutes before him and failed to reach him once, maybe twice. At least Todd knew that the typical user also had trivial problems that could be fixed quickly.
He sat down at his desk. “Did you try turning it off and on again?”
“Are you listening? I can't turn the damned thing on at all. I wouldn't be calling you if I could fix it myself that easily. Now come up to my office, room 1301.”
The call ended immediately after the near-shouting, giving Todd no chance to respond and little hope that he could simply gain remote access to the problem computer and avoid meeting this client directly. With a grunt, he stood back up and returned to the elevator, this time to visit a floor he'd never been on.
The sun was still rising in the sky as he exited into the thirteenth floor, once again making him doubt that anyone had started working so early. For a building dedicated to fighting crime, it seemed to Todd that the first thing they should've fought was the injustice of making people get up before the sun. But he was just the IT guy. The only one the building had, perhaps, but even then his voice was worth little.
Todd opened the door to room 1301 and saw an elderly man sitting at the other end of the room. He looked just as grumpy as he sounded, arms crossed behind a pile of papers and a monitor that likely showed nothing but darkness.
“Hey,” Todd waved, offering his best customer-service smile as he walked over to the computer and its irate owner.
“Hey,” the man echoed. “Are you typically this professional when dealing with your superiors?”
“I…don't usually have to,” Todd responded, barely paying attention to him as he assessed the equipment he was meant to fix. It was certainly turned off, though the reason wasn't yet clear. Not trusting a word he'd been told - even more so than with a typical user - Todd tried the power button.
“Did I not tell you that I can't turn the computer on?” the prosecutor snapped. “Is that not why I called you in the first place? What do they pay you for, boy?”
Todd took a deep breath and turned back to him. “It's part of IT protocol to try…sir. You'd be surprised how many times I've fixed the issue by doing that.”
“Don't patronize me. I'll have you know I've been working in this building since before there was a single computer installed in it.”
“Yeah, I bet that's the problem,” Todd muttered under his breath.
“Pardon?”
“Never mind. Can I check under your desk for a second?”
The man pulled away, but not without yet another snide remark, which it seemed he was incapable of not giving. “The computer is on the top of my desk. I'm afraid you won't find anything under there, unless you're looking for your future salary, which is dropping lower with every foolish mistake you make.”
“The computer is plugged in here,” Todd grumbled, kneeling down and ducking under the desk where he finally found something that made him smile. “Or it should be. Doesn't work very well when it isn't.”
As he pulled back into the light waving a cable in his hand, he watched with great satisfaction as the old prosecutor’s face turned red.
“That's- you- you must've unplugged that yourself!” he sputtered.
“Or you bumped it with your shoe. Let's see-” Todd moved under the desk again and plugged the computer in, then stood up as quickly as he ever had on the job to turn it on. In a second, it lit up and hummed to life. Even though he knew better than to make a complete mockery of his self-proclaimed ‘superior’, he couldn't help but let a small snort of air out of his nose.
The man glowered at him. “Entirely unprofessional. If I had things my way, you'd be fired on the spot.”
Todd shrugged. “You'd have to find a new IT department if you did. I'm the only one this building’s got.”
“Perhaps I shall. You'll find I have a great deal of influence in this place, even if you're not a prosecutor. Hiring someone else to join you isn't beyond me; you've already shown that you're incapable of working at the hours you're needed.” His lips curled into a sneer. “I can even argue that your salaries should both be lowered to compensate. How does that sound?”
“Look, I've got work to get back to,” Todd lied. “If you have any computer trouble, just send me a message and I can fix it remotely. Make sure to check that it's plugged in first.”
He turned back with a grin and walked out of the office. He hadn't dealt with a typical client, but a typical nightmare of one. That wasn't entirely unusual for him. They would shout and get furious over the most minor things, but it didn't matter in the end. None of the prosecutors in the building were his bosses, and they could complain all they liked, but it wasn't as though they controlled his salary directly.
When he got back to the basement, he sat down and made a note to check the name of his latest nightmare, just to be ready if that particular computer had issues again. Thankfully, it was an easy name to remember: Manfred von Karma.
#manfred von karma#my writing#in his defense it was really early tho okay#and he was grumpy and hadn't had his tea yet#...and he's my lil guy and i love him your honor
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Second Weekend of June
Author: Tossukka (@sitruunavohveli) Artist: DimitryRmy (@dimitrirmy) No Major Archive Warnings Tags: anonymous sex, hidden identity, weddings, one night stands, bachelor & bachelorette parties, semi-public sex
Summary: It’s a tale as old as time. Two men meet, give each other fake names, and have a one-night stand. It’s fun and uncomplicated, and they never expect to meet again. They’re both keeping busy planning a wedding among other things anyway, Dean as the best man to Sam, Castiel as the man of honor to his best friend Eileen.
Except then they do meet again and start developing feelings for each other.
Preview: “One Irish Coffee, please,” a deep, raspy voice said to the bartender, and Dean gave a glance to the new customer.
At least Dean had meant to only give a glance, but he found himself unable to turn his eyes back. The guy had taken off his woolen hat which had left his dark hair pointing in every direction. His face was handsome, and he had slight stubble on his cheeks. The trench coat wasn’t attractive but since it was wet from sleet, the guy removed it and put it away. Underneath he was wearing what Dean assumed to be a work suit. After getting his drink, he glanced towards Dean and gave a slight smile. Dean took that as an invitation.
“Hey,” Dean said and moved to sit next to the guy.
“Hello,” the man answered, and the smile stayed on his lips.
“Haven’t seen you before,” Dean said. “New to town?”
“Actually just here for work,” he said. For a moment he looked like he was about to say something more, but he shut his mouth again and instead took a sip of his drink.
“You look like you had a long day too,” Dean said. “I can screw off if you’d rather be alone.”
“No, it’s fine. I would like some company,” the man said and gave Dean a once over. “Only… Okay, let me be honest here for a moment?”
“Sure,” Dean said and took a sip out of his own glass.
“I’ve only just broken up from a complicated relationship, and I’m not looking for anything serious. Nothing that would further complicate my life. So I’m going to give you a fake name. Is that alright?”
Okay, that was new. Dean could take some uncomplicated, not serious for one night. Not like he had never had anonymous sex before.
“Sounds like a deal. You can call me Michael,” Dean said and reached out to shake the man’s hand.
“Is that your real name?”
“No.”
The man laughed.
“Thank God. You can call me Jimmy,” Jimmy said and shook Dean’s hand.
“So. Why was your workday shit? Bad boss? Overenthusiastic coworkers? Office gossip?” Dean asked.
“None of those. We have a big project going on in cooperation between offices from two different cities. So I’ve been to meetings all day and in every single one I’ve had to pretend to be ‘innovative’, ‘excited’, and ‘extroverted’. I’m none of those things, so pretending in front of strangers for over nine hours gets a bit rough,” Jimmy explained making full on air quotes with his hands. Dean thought it was adorable.
“Why are none of your coworkers here drinking with you?”
“I assume they were rather tired as well. Or had families to go home to. Maybe they didn’t want to brave the weather,” Jimmy said. “I was also only going for one drink and then go back to my hotel room.”
“Mmm, is your hotel far away?” Dean asked emptying the rest of his whisky. Jimmy smiled again.
“Just one block over,” he answered.
“Perfect.”
POSTING BETWEEN APRIL 23rd AND MAY 6th, 2023!
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Writer Asks
Thank you so much for tagging me @coraleethroughthelookingglass and @pursuitseternal <3
Answers under the cut!
1) How many works on AO3?
I only have 2 on ao3 because it's so much easier to post on tumblr? The tagging system still scares me lol. I have 17+ fics total (but apparently I forgot to tag at least two of them in my masterlist. oops)
2) what’s your AO3 word count?
ao3 word count: 2994
total word count: over 36k
3) What fandoms do you write for?
mostly Tolkien related: lotr/the hobbit/the silm/rings of power
4) what are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Gonna go by notes on tumblr instead because I have more fics here! 1. Thranduil braiding Legolas' hair drabbles
2. Gain a Son (Theoden survives and meets Faramir AU)
3. Chapter 3 of The Great War (In case you're wondering why specifically this chapter; it is the smuttiest)
4. Chapter 1 of The Great War (ah yes, people had great expectations in my writing. back then. 6 months ago. sorry)
5. Chapter 5 of The Great War (The second smuttiest)
5) Do you respond to comments?
I try! I love interacting with people who read my fics and even take the time to comment <3
6) What fic did you write with the angstiest ending?
There's probably a few chapters of The Great War that have an angsty ending (brace yourselves, I'm gonna make Thranduil SUFFER) but I don't think I have an angsty standalone... (time to change that lol)
7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?
Probably Arda University, my cute little LOTR college AU!! (read to find out why it's happy lmao)
8) do you get hate on fics?
Luckily not! I'm pretty sure one single hate comment would make me stop writing altogether. People who leave hate on fics are evil!!!!
9) do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Yes I do! Most notably I've done praise kink and breeding kink. I still have a bit of an explicit smut writing block? idk what's going on there
10) crossovers?
Best I can do is college AU! I have not done a crossover (yet?)
11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?
No
12) have you had a fic translated?
No
13) have you ever co-written a fic?
No
14) What’s your all time favorite ship?
Can't say I have an all time favourite, but Eowyn X Faramir is up there!!!
15) what’s a Wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
Oh god. Really exposing myself here. The Thranduil/Feanor/Reader threesome will probably never be finished, but I wish I would.
16) what are your writing strengths?
I think I'm good at darkness, despair, heartbreak and foreshadowing that is so blatantly obvious that I prolong everyone's suffering :)
17) what are your writing weaknesses?
I am rather new to writing so I probably have quite a few! I am not good at planning my chapters so the word count remains consistent (At least not in my current longfic). I take super long to write things??? And I don't think I'm very good at writing smut 🙃
18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?
I throw in some Elvish or Black Speech every once in a while to mix things up! I'm not opposed to any language that makes sense and that I speak a reasonable amount of (like German or French)
19) First fandom you wrote for?
Rogue One. Was it Krennic Smut. Yes.
20) Favorite fic you’ve ever written?
Once again, Arda University. It was super fun to write!!!! And I think it is a cute and fun little read :)
No pressure tagging: @thesolarangel @wordbunch @sotwk (hello new friend!) @niennawept and open tags of course!! <3 <3
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my experience with juju (@seakicker).
hello, i would like to begin this by saying that i did not want to post this. however, i believe that it is at this point justified. i have spent a few months having issues with her, and it reached a breaking point when i was offered no opportunity to explain myself when presented with false accusations by juju in dms.
before getting in to anything i would like to share a note. screenshots of messages here are either from a public discord server, or have been retrieved with permission of the person that sent them. i do not believe it is okay to share private dms publicly, thus will not be doing so - there will only be summaries of private dms mentioned. in these screenshots, the names of users will be blocked out. some (primarily the ones from my public server) contain irrelevant messages that just happened to be in the middle of a conversation. they are not relevant, especially considering most of the people in them are no longer in the server. in addition to this, i think it is perhaps worth noting that "fauna" is my new alias, thus why it is present in most screenshots.
i do not have an exact date, but some time prior to february 7th i noticed that i was blocked on tumblr. initially i just let it slide, because i believe that the block button exists for a reason.
to myself, i narrowed it down to three things that it could be.
first of all is this occurrence from january 31st. for context, this is the same day that my discord server was made (link to the post that i made announcing the server). she was amongst the people who joined and the topic of tumblr’s tagging system occurred.
whilst i do regret pointing this out, i was reassured by juju that it was okay and that she did not think that i was trying to be rude. furthermore, i proceeded to apologize in dms and was once again reassured. i did not think about this again.
the second conversation i do not have screenshots of, and for that reason i shall explain. what occurred was another tumblr user made a comment regarding blackwashing in my server. please bear in mind that my server was new, and me and the rest of the staff team worked as quickly as we could to come up with a way to go about this. the person who made the comment was justly reprimanded and warned in a channel that is hidden from everybody except for me and my admins. the messages were deleted both in the channel that this occurred and in the hidden punishment channel (that part happens during every instance). (this has since been fixed with the addition of a bot to log such messages).
juju continued to attempt to educate this user in the public channel. staff did not really step in which was regretful, though there is no turning back the clock. this was settled privately. i have since explained this to juju in private messages, of which this issue was thus explained and dealt with.
finally, the reason that seemed to be the nail in the coffin and caused me to get blocked was me unfollowing her. i was not aware that i had done so until over a month later (march 13th to be specific) as this was caused by a glitch with tumblr itself. this same glitch also caused me to unfollow other mutuals.
i put his behind me and did my best to move on. yes, i am guilty of venting to mutuals about what happened. but i made it explicit every single time that i was in no way trying to change anybody’s opinions. i never intended it with any malice towards juju. and please feel free to ask anybody who i vented to about this, i am sure that they will back me up here. (because again, private dms.)
after being told that she was also talking to others about me, i saw no issue. however, when somebody comes to me and shares screenshots of a conversation where juju has shared messages from the aforementioned january 31st occurrence, i felt extremely uncomfortable. the screenshots were cropped to exclude the messages where some of my apologies and parts where she said that everything was okay and that things she knew i meant no harm were cropped out.
again, i do not recall ever having sent private dms to people. all that i sent were screenshots of what happened in my public server, which i deem entirely valid to do because it is a public thing. if this has ever happened, i sincerely apologize and that will never happen again.
after these screenshots were brought to my attention ( march 31st ), i made a vent post regarding things. yes, i was supposedly wrong about these accusations. i have since cut contact with the person who made me believe them. this is something that i apologized to juju for in dms, and thus something that i believed she accepted.
shortly after i made this post, i privately messaged juju on discord. again, i will not share screenshots of this conversation. a lot of miscommunications were discussed and seemed like they had been resolved, including all of the points above.
apologies were exchanged, and i truly believed this to be the end of things. whilst juju seemed happy to return to being mutuals, i expressed my discomfort with it, and suggested that i need the time to heal, which she said she respected. generally, things ended on fairly amicable terms.
on april 13th, i was made aware that juju was again talking shit about me. this was due to a third party who had joined her server, someone whom had been banned from my own discord server. for context, after much discussion, i decided to introduce a rule banning cis men from my server due to the actions of this person as well as members expressing discomfort with men in nsfw spaces as a whole. i made the decision after a long discussion with admins and mods, and added the rule on march 18th.
i let this slide once again, because it was such a minor thing to me.
however, on april 30th i was made aware of this, and i'll just let the images speak for themself here.
( link to ask )
here you can see somebody (names blocked for privacy) that is telling me about their experiences with juju, including how they were encouraged to send a spiteful anon to me. i wholeheartedly trust this person based on my interactions with them.
finally, i will deny any claims regarding me spreading juju's real name and proceeding to make fun of it. i never did this, as i do not know her name. i am aware that her discord profile was linked to other accounts, as this was a passing comment made by a friend of mine. in no way do i agree with doxxing in any way, shape, or form, much less bullying somebody for their name. i wish to also note here that i have asked juju about this (that is what i was referring to in this ask), as well as making a follow up message that i will happily welcome into my discord server to see for herself.
i genuinely have no clue why this has continued for so long. it's contributed to my stress and put a lot of strain on me. i wish only to exist in my little corner of the internet and not be dragged into this. this will be my final post about this situation as i wish to move on from it. i was genuine when i told juju earlier today that i wished to just ignore one another and put this past us, but i feel a need to share my experiences and sides of the story.
thank you for listening, i genuinely appreciate it. i don't wish to say anything further on this, unless juju herself is willing to reach out and reconcile. thank you again.
— thena.
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Old Methods, New Wounds
A/N: Surprise! My first Joe Velasco fic! I really hope we get more of him--I love him a lot! Poor guy needs a hug! Anyways, I hope y’all enjoy ❤️
Tags: talks of stabbings, blood, bruises/beatings, the briefest mention of trafficking
Words: 2132
Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @permanentlydizzy @ben-c-group-therapy @infiniteoddball @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @lv7867 @storiesofsvu @cycat4077 @alwaysachorusgirl @glimmerglittergirl @joanofarkansass @caracalwithchips @beardsanddetectives
Disclaimer: Please see medical professionals for injuries
You were still seething, jaw set as you stomped down the street. Olivia had sent you home for the day—for the week, really. She claimed that you were too obsessed with the most recent case. And how could you not be? Girls were being taken off the streets, sold into prostitution, and so far, there was nothing you or the squad could do about it.
There had been leads, and you had tracked down every single one, your partner, Joe, helping as much as you allowed him. In the back of your mind, you knew that you had been butting him— and the rest of the squad—out. But right now, you were too angry with being sidelined to see reason.
You stopped in your tracks, a sudden thought slamming into your brain. Turning, you changed course—you weren’t going home yet. You were going to find answers.
*************************
Panting, gasping for breath, you ran as fast as your legs would carry. Pain erupted from your ribs and back with every step, and it was a struggle to not cry in agony. There was only one thought on your mind as you fled: Joe.
You knew where his apartment was—and that you were close—but it was hard to think clearly. Not to mention see; your left eye was swollen, and blood dripped into your right. You ran another block down, then glanced at the building you were in front of. Blessedly, it was Joe’s.
It was difficult to see the nameplate, but you eventually made out Velasco. You hit the buzzer, hoping beyond hope that he was home.
“Hello?” his staticky voice sounded.
“Joe—need help,” you muttered, voice raspy. You were leaning heavily on the wall, waiting for him to ask questions; there was no way he didn’t hear that something was wrong. To your surprise, however, you heard him buzz you in.
You pushed into the building, hurrying to his door. Joe opened it before you could even knock, and his eyes widened.
“Jesus, what happened to you?” he asked, ushering you in quickly.
You shook your head, not wanting to talk anymore. You knew you’d have to tell him eventually, but right now, you just wanted to sleep.
“You should go to the hosp—”
“No hospital, no doctors.” No records, you thought. If Olivia found out, she may take your badge.
Joe surprised you once again by simply nodding. “Bathroom, then,” he said, gesturing down the hall. As you passed by him, you heard him take a sharp breath. “When were you going to tell me you had a knife in your shoulder?”
“Figured you’d see it eventually,” you replied, shuffling to the bathroom. You carefully climbed into his bathtub and sat on the edge, facing the wall. You heard his footsteps behind you, then him rustling through materials.
He plopped a first aid kit on the counter, then opened it. You heard him take things out, but you didn’t look, just staring ahead at the tiles. You hadn’t questioned your decision to come to Joe; he was your partner, and you felt like you were close. But now sitting, the adrenaline wearing off, you were wondering if it was such a good idea to let him see you like this.
“I’m going to take the knife out, then you’ll have to take your shirt off, understand?” Joe asked, matter-of-factly. You nodded, and then winced when you felt him grip the handle. “On the count of three…. One—” he yanked the knife out of your shoulder, and you cried out, cursing in pain.
“Shirt off,” he said, and you heard him drop the knife in the sink with a soft clang.
You grit your teeth, reaching for the hem of your shirt. “When did you become a doctor, Velasco?”
“You came to me, didn’t you?” he retorted. He noticed you having trouble with your shirt, and he helped you out of it, his hands surprisingly gentle compared to the harshness of his tone. Then, he fell silent.
You could feel his eyes on you, and you fought the urge to squirm. It was an awkward silence before Joe finally broke it.
“We should go to the hospital, make sure your ribs aren’t broken.”
“They’re not—I checked already.”
“They may be cracked—”
You sighed, rolling your eyes and starting to stand, muttering, “I knew I should’ve gone to Carisi….”
Joe’s hand came to your unstabbed shoulder, gently but firmly pushing you back down. “Carisi would’ve taken you straight to a hospital. He doesn’t know how to do stitches.”
“What, and you do?”
“Yes. You’re lucky I do, too, since your shoulder needs them. I can stitch you up tonight, but in the morning, I’m taking you to a doctor.”
You sighed in exhaustion; you were tired of fighting him. “Fine. But we don’t tell Liv, okay?”
“So this is about the case,” he replied.
You ducked your head. “Yeah. I was working a lead.” And you had gained some pretty valuable information, at the cost of your own safety. But it was worth it, in your opinion.
“Even after the captain took you off the case?”
“I didn’t come here for a lecture, Velasco!” you snapped.
He fell silent once more, but you heard him moving. “This is going to hurt,” was the only warning you got before he wiped what felt like lava over your shoulder. You gasped in pain as he disinfected the wound. He was diligent, cleaning the cut with gentle fingers. But no matter how gentle he was, the pain didn’t lessen.
Finally, mercifully, he stopped cleaning you. There was a sharp prick, then another, and a gentle yet firm tugging. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to ignore the pain as he sealed your wound. He worked in silence, concentrating on his movements, stitching you with practiced hands.
He tied the thread off, then you heard him cut it. Some more rustling, then a cool bandage was placed on your sutures.
“Stand,” he ordered. You stood, then turned when prompted. His face was close to yours as he scanned. The cut in your eyebrow had stopped bleeding awhile ago, and your blood had dried on your lid.
Joe sighed, turning to the sink. He wet a cloth, then turned back to you. You closed your eyes without him telling you, and he washed the blood from you. He took his time, cleaning every bit of dried blood from your face before grabbing disinfectant.
“Did you learn anything useful at least?” he asked softly.
“You ask a lot of questions,” you huffed, “why don’t you tell me why you have such extensive medical knowledge, hmm?” It was meant as a challenge, meant to get him to stop grilling you. You never expected him to answer.
“Growing up, I had…a lot of people hurt. A lot of people I cared about. At first, I didn’t know how to help them. So, I taught myself,” he explained. “When you buzzed my door…it was like I was fifteen all over again. I knew you were injured—could hear it in your voice.”
That explained why he didn’t push the hospital on you. You wondered just what happened to your partner in his former life. He never divulged information about himself, his past. Your heart went out to him, and you felt guilty for putting him in this position.
“I’m sorry to bring up painful memories,” you muttered. You opened your eyes—your left still swollen—and looked at Joe’s face. His eyes seemed heavy, his jaw set, and for the first time since you met him, he looked tired, his easy smile he shared with you gone.
“It’s fine,” he breathed, his warm breath tickling your face, “I’m just glad I can do something to help you, even if it’s temporary.” His eyes locked with yours for a brief moment before flicking to the cut in your eyebrow. “You don’t need more stitches, thankfully. It’s been a decade since I had to stitch anyone up.”
Joe put the cloth down, then held his hand out to you. You took it, letting him help you out of his bathtub. You stepped forward but didn’t stop—it was like your body was on autopilot. You kept moving forward until your lips brushed his. When he didn’t pull away, you pressed your lips more firmly against his.
“Thank you, for everything,” you breathed against his lips. You glanced up at him, eyes locked; his were staring intensely, as if he was trying to read your mind. They dropped to your lips before coming back up. You half-expected him to kiss you, and he leaned a fraction of an inch towards you. But then he leaned back, clearing his throat.
“I don’t have a spare bed, so I want you to take mine. I’ll sleep on the couch—”
“Wait what? I—I was going to go home—”
“The hell you are,” he replied, voice harsh. “First off, I want to make sure the stitches don’t pull in the night. Second, I want to make sure you don’t have a concussion and die in your sleep. And third, I’m taking you to the hospital in the morning—don’t think I forgot about that.”
You could tell there was no way to argue, and you were so, so tired. “Okay, fine, but at least let me take the couch.”
“Absolutely not—have you even seen yourself?” Joe took your elbow, tugging you to stand in front of his mirror. Your good eye widened as you saw yourself. Your left eye was swollen shut, your cheek bright red. Bruises littered your torso; you were more bruise than not.
“You’re sleeping in a bed tonight, and I’ll be checking in on you every hour,” he concluded.
You nodded numbly, eye still scanning your discolored body. You knew that you had been beaten pretty badly, but it looked so much worse than you had thought. No wonder Joe wanted to take you to a professional.
Gently, he cupped your chin, tearing your eyes from the mirror to him. “I’m glad you’re alive—really, I am—but goddamn it, you cannot do shit like this! What if you had died? If I woke up to a phone call about some officer finding your body, I’d—I’d—”
“I’m sorry, Joe,” you muttered, eyes filling with tears.
His eyes searched yours for a moment, looking exasperated about your poor choices, before he was kissing you desperately. You could sense all his fear and concern in his kiss; his hands were gripping your arms—the only part of you not injured. He licked your lips but didn’t attempt to deep the kiss.
Just as you thought you’d surely run out of air, he pulled away, panting slightly. “Next time you have some idea about getting information, you come to me, understand? We’re partners; I’ll always have your back.”
You let out a chuckle. “I don’t think partners kiss, Jose.”
That easy smile you missed flitted across his face. Very gently, he kissed your forehead, nose, then lips. “You’re right; I care about you, more than just a partner. My point remains, though. No more solo missions, okay? You come to me first.”
“I don’t want you in trouble with Liv—”
“Fuck that. Together, or not at all.”
You found yourself nodding, and he kissed you again, his lips soft. You had only barely kissed him, but you knew that you were already addicted to it, wanting to spend all night kissing him. Too soon, he pulled away, and led you to his bedroom. He recommended you sleep shirtless, to let your wounds breathe. But he dug out a pair of sweats for you.
After telling him you didn’t need help changing, he left. You quickly switched pants, but you couldn’t get your bra off. Sheepishly, you called for Joe’s help.
There was a faint blush on his cheeks as he unhooked your bra. He averted his eyes as you climbed into bed, pulling the sheets to your chin. Then he came over and knelt next to you.
“I am glad you came to me, hun. I’m just…I’m so thankful that you’re okay, that you’re safe. Please promise me you’ll never do something like this again,” he murmured, brushing your hair from your forehead.
“I promise, Joe. I promise.”
He smiled softly. “Good, because I care about you. And I’m going to find those guys that hurt you tonight, make them pay.”
You were too tired to fight him on it. Already you felt yourself drifting off, his bed and pillow so comfortable, his scent surrounding you. You’re not sure if you answered him or not before sleep took you into its embrace.
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A Clones Padawan (18+)
Another 3am piece of work
Pairing: Reader x Wolffe
Warnings: Smut, established relationship, creeping around, marking, Dom!Wolffe, V in P, unprotected, Wolffe wanting to be a baby maker, Jealous!Wolffe
Wolffe can't control himself when someone tries to flirt with his Padawan.
The music seeped into the body of the female as she danced to the beat, her very being trembling with the vibration of the speakers. While her skills for graceful movements were usually used in lightsaber training with her master and other Jedi, (Y/N) enjoyed the rare moments where she got to dance and let go, to be herself in one single moment.
After many weeks spent on the battlefield, the Padawan of Plo Koon just wanted to enjoy a night out with her clones. Sinker and Boost had "persuaded" her to tag along, telling her that the whole squad, including Commander Wolffe were going to be there. The thought of her Commander, her secret clone boyfriend, giving into the pestering of his brothers had made her giggle to herself, telling her friends that she would see them later on. Moments of self enjoyment were rare but getting to spend time with her Commander were even rarer. She had spent the rest of the day picking out the perfect outfit, fixing her hair and applying the right amount of make up to try and drive Wolffe mad.
Her mission to tease her Commander was what had led her to the dance floor, moving her hips to the beat. She threw her hair over her shoulder, sparing a glance to the table where the Wolfpack usually occupied. Most of the lads were locked in conversations with clones from other squads that had decided to join them. Yet he sat there, eyes transfixed on her figure, fingers tightening around the glass in his hand, imagining her body beneath the dress that hugged her features. She made eye contact with Wolffe, wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue as she threw him a wink. She watched his jaw tighten, trying to keep himself composed, not wanting his brothers to take notice of his slowly crumbling composure. There was nothing in this galaxy as beautiful as her, the second his general had introduced her to the pack, he had been transfixed by her sheer beauty. A goddess that had somehow fallen as deeply in love with him as he had with her, the fact that only he got to hold her, please her, made flames of arousal spread through his veins.
The music changed to a low song, causing her to let out a small breathless laugh. She moved away from the dance floor, heading to the bar to order herself a drink before she returned to her squadron. As she leaned against the bar, the air rippled around her, the force alerting her of the presence that appeared by her side. Slowly, she turned her head to face the person, raising a thin eyebrow at the man in the seat next to her. He wasn't a clone, that was for sure, from what she could see, he was a green, plump male of a race unknown to her and looking her up and down with dark beady eyes.
"Hello beautiful, can I buy you a drink?" He tried to purr at her, the words only coming out as slurred syllables.
"No thank you, I can buy my own," She replied as the bartender brought her, her drink.
She picked it up, moving to make a quick get away when the man suddenly took her by the wrist, jerking her in his direction. She leaned away in disgust as he leaned towards her, his breath stinking of both alcohol and rotten fish.
"Just one, little drink." He insisted.
"I said no, now release me." She snapped in return.
Before he could say anymore, the man was suddenly ripped away from her and slammed against the side of the bar. Wolffe practically growled and he held the man by his shirt, eyes alight with pure, burning fury.
"She said no, take the hint or you'll be swallowing your teeth." Wolffe snarled lowly. "Do. You. Understand. Me?"
The man was whimpering in the presence of the clone commander, intimidated by the sheer anger radiating from him. He couldn't find his voice, so nodded quickly, letting Wolffe know that he more that understood what would happen if he bothered you again. Wolffe slammed him into the bar again for one final measure before letting him go, watching the man stumble into the small crowds of clones scattered around. A few had seen the transaction and glowered at the man, while a few others came to the aid of their vod and led the man outside, likely to follow through with Wolffe's threat or to intimidate the man enough to ensure he never came back.
Wolffe was still shaking with rage, his hand clenching and unclenching by his sides. (Y/N) reached out a hand to rest on his arm but he recoiled from the touch and stormed outside. Worried that she had done something wrong or that he was going to get himself in trouble, the Padawan put her drink down and raced after him, wanting to make sure he was okay. She followed him a few blocks away from the club before he stopped, allowing her to catch up with him, his back still turned to her. Once she finally reached him, he suddenly grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the closest alley, pinning her to a wall.
"Wolf-"
His name barely left her lips before her was silencing her with his mouth, hot and heavy. She whined softly into the kiss, eyes fluttering close as her hands fisted into the material of his shirt, pulling him closer. The kiss was rough and intoxicating, arousal sparking in the pit of (Y/N)'s stomach. They were lost in each other, both we desperate to have the other, especially after not being able to alone for so long. But after her display and the audacity of that drunkard trying to take what belongs to the commander, the dam finally broke, their self control giving way to the need to feel the others body against their own. After a moment, Wolffe pulled away, dark eyes taking in the red, kiss swollen lips of his precious Padawan. She was breathless, panting softly with parted lips, making the Commander smirk down at her. His large hands stroked down her sides, sliding down to her backside so he could lift her up, giving her a moment to wrap her legs securely around his waist.
Normally, Wolffe would want to take things slow, to show (Y/N) how much he loved her, to tease her until she was begging for him to take her. But something feral had taken over him, making him want to do nothing more than fuck his love until she was screaming his name, until she was filled to the brim with his seed. The thought of her carrying his child suddenly crept into his mind, enticing a low, rumbling growl from the depths of his chest. His lips moved to her neck, biting harshly into the skin as he pressed his body into hes, his arousal grinding against her core.
The feeling of him grinding against her made her moan wantonly, her hands reaching down to push down his pants, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside her. He groaned when he felt one of her hands slip past the waistband of his blacks, slender fingers wrapping around the hardened flesh of his manhood, stroking along his length for a few seconds before pulling him from his confinements. There was no slow burn, no teeth rotting romance, no dirty talk, no pleading, only one simple need.
She gasped, hand gripping his shoulders when she felt him push her panties to the side, giving himself access to her core. For a split second, he ran his manhood through her fold, allowing her juices to slick him up but to also give her a moment to back out. Instead, she pulled him into a seering kiss, whimpering as he slammed into her with one powerful thrust. He didn't wait for her to adjust, simply pressed her further into the wall, pulling almost all the way out before surging back into the depths of her sex.
She cried into his mouth, allowing him to swallow her noises of pleasure as he continued to slam into her, her legs tightening around his waist to draw him in more. Wolffe groaned, finger digging harshly into her hips as he took her, bruising her with the mark of his fingertips. (Y/N) pulled away from the kiss to bury her head in his neck, growing more vocal as began to thrust faster, plunging into her even harder.
He could feel her walls trying to clamp around him every time he went to pull out, felt them quiver in excitement when he brushed against them to seek out the spot that would make her scream. She was practically sobbing against him, feeling him fill her like no other, feeling the jab of his manhood against the entrance to her womb. The heat inside her was growing, building into a raging fire, growing hotter with every thrust. The alley echoed with the sound of skin slapping against the skin, the sinful voices of their pleasure bouncing off the walls and fading into the night. Both could feel themselves growing closer to their releases, it had been so long since they had done this that it was almost impossible for them to hold on for much longer. (Y/N) could feel the falter of Wolffe's hips, his movements becoming erratic. Wolffe slipped a hand between them, fingers circling her clit and making her keen. He toyed with the bundle of nerves, feeling her tighten around him like a vice, making it harder for him to push deeper into her. She felt his lips on her neck, feeling his teeth sink into her tender flesh, the pain and the pleasure making her cry out as the fire inside her erupted. Her insides quivered around him as he continued to fuck into her, riding her through her climax until he buried himself as deep inside her as possible, spilling his seed into her awaiting womb.
They stood there, panting softly as they basked in each others presence and the aftermath of their releases. (Y/N) left soft kisses along the length of his neck whole Wolffe ran his hands soothingly up and down her sides.
"I should try and make you jealous more often if this is what happens." She mumbled into his skin.
Wolffe chuckled softly, turning his head to place a gently kiss against the side of her head.
"I'll just have to start punishing you Mesh'la."
His words made her moan at the image of being punished, not realising how enticing the idea sounded until now.
Wolffe pulled out of her, setting her down gently before tucking himself back into his pants. They made themselves look more presentable before leaving the alleyway, making their way back towards the barracks and the Jedi Temple, both feeling more relaxed.
"You know I love you right?" (Y/N) suddenly blurted out, the scene of the creepy guy playing on her mind.
"Yeah, I know and I love you too."
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Hooked
Summary: Harry and Y/n meet again. This time spending more time together and getting to know each other.
warnings/ disclaimers: Swearing, mentions of death, mentions of childbirth.
Harry was out searching for a book. He had left Loralie with his mother for the day since he had some errands to run and it would be a busy day. He had finished all of his books and he was on the search for another, maybe even some extra ones for his classroom. He had stopped by his favorite coffee shop and ordered his favorite black coffee to start his day of errands, then he went to the market to get everything for dinner tonight- he thought he might as well get it out of the way since he hates grocery shopping.
Now he’s on the way to a bookstore, he didn’t want to order it on Amazon or just go to a big chain store so he did a quick google search and found a small book store a block down the road from the coffee shop he had gone to. He wanted to find the book burning in water, drowning in flame- his sister had recommended it to him and now he was itching to read it.
He made his way to the bookstore, it looked like a homey place just from the outside of the store. It was a rust colored brick with two sconces on either side of the top of the book shop, a rather tall building- possibly a flat at the top. Harry looks at the cacti peeking through the windows, little flower stickers to decorate.
Harry walks into the book shop, opening the door making the golden bell at the top of the door frame sound off. As soon as Harry steps in he notes the warm scent, it smells like the owner had been baking cookies. “Hello!” He hears a cheerful voice sing while he steps toward the poetry aisle in search of the book. “Is there anything I could help you with today?” He hears the voice again making him turn his head. To his surprise it’s Y/n, he’s been thinking about her. “Oh, hi.” He says bashfully, smiling and stepping over to the cashier counter she was behind.
Y/n smiles, continuing to add price tags on the back of her new shipment of books. She had started her little business officially a bit after she had gotten pregnant with Milo. Milo’s dad had left her after she broke the news to him, they were in their early twenty’s (Y/n being twenty one and him being twenty two) so it was understandable that he didn’t want children yet but the way he dealt with the situation was just dramatic and too much on Y/n. So she put everything into her little book shop, she took out a loan and bought this place, starting planning and putting her all into it, it wasn’t easy but it was worth it.
“Hi Harry.” She says, adding a book to the stack. Harry blushes at her tone again, she’s hard to read. “Um… do you happen to have burning in water, drowning in flame?” He asks, whirling around her display of different styles and colors of bookmarks. He is a twenty six year old man, why is acting like one of his students who thinks he’s handsome? Y/n laughs, nodding while she pulls her mug up to her lips- Harry thinks it’s hot chocolate (and he’s right). “It’s in poetry, first aisle, third shelf, second row.” She says, impressing Harry in how she has memorized every single spot of her book store.
Harry gives her a tight nod, walking over to the poetry section and looking for the book. “Is this your place?” Harry asks, making conversation while the rest of the store is dead silent.
“Yeah, me and Milo live in the flat upstairs.” Y/n admits. Harry’s ears perk up, she didn’t say anything about a partner. He walks back to the counter placing his book down, not handing it over to her yet. “When did you open this place?” He questions, looking around the shop. He sees some crystals, some candles- that both look up for sale and also her personal ones. It’s cute.
“After I got pregnant with Milo. Right after Xavier left me.” She says, leaving Harry wondering. “Xavier is…?” Y/n sighs, rolling her eyes a bit. It’s only their second time meeting and she’s already giving him her sob story. “He’s what would be Milo's father.” She says, picking at her bare nails. She doesn’t consider Xavier Milo's father, he’s never been there for him so he’s not a father. Harry’s lips form a tight line, “um, Loralies mum died… so… we’ve all got baggage.” He laughs, trying to cut the tension.
Loralies mum had died, she died during childbirth. She already had a particularly painful and rough pregnancy with Lora and that was just extremely unexpected, Harry just thanks his stars everyday that his little one is safe with him. “That’s awful, Harry. I‘m sorry.” Harry smiles at her, “it’s okay. I’ve got my Lora so I’m okay.” Y/n nods, smiling and grabbing the book from between his fingers. “She’s a sweet girl.” She compliments.
Harry nods, feeling a little cocky over how well he has raised his daughter. “Is this all for you?” She asks, pulling out a small brown bag with the logo and name on it- they are cute. “Yes please.” Harry politely says, making her laugh under her breath. “If this is your first time here? You get a free bookmark with every book you purchase if it is.” She says, nodding over to the bookmarks. Harry nods, looking through the bookmarks and picking a random Fleetwood Mac one- cute, he thinks. Y/n adds the bookmark to the bag, setting it infront of him. “13.22” she says, Harry fishing his wallet out.
“Are you doing a lot today?” He asks, motioning down to all the books stacked around her while he hands her a ten and four singles. She shrugs, “the usual.” Y/n says, handing him back his change. Harry thinks for a second, pausing his response making Y/n a little nervous. “I could help?” Harry offers, setting his coffee on the table. Y/n gives him a questionable look, sharpening one of her eyes at him. “You want to put tags on books and reorganize with me?” She asks, making Harry laugh. He nods, putting a bookmark back in its place “see, I’m already helping.” He says cheekily.
Y/n smiles, shaking her head. “I guess you can help.” She says.
Soon enough they are sat on the brown carpet, mountains of books around them. Y/n has a blanket wrapped around her and Harry has his legs stretched out. Y/n is tagging books while Harry is setting by the book shelf closest to them organizing. “I swear they put something in the water fountain at that school, the kids are always running and screaming around my classroom while I’m trying to talk about how Van Gogh cut off his own ear.” Harry says, making Y/n loudly giggle, thinking about how Milo probably gives him a horrible time on Wednesdays.
“You like working where Loralie is?” She asks, Harry of course nodding. Loralie is his baby, he loves knowing she’s just up the stairs- especially if she were to get sick or hurt he would be right there to take care of her. “Yeah, I wish I could always be with Milo but one of us has to make the money.” She jokes which makes Harry laugh.
“She always comes waddling into my classroom screaming for me- which disrupts the class but I don’t care.” He shrugs, his mind going back to Loralie. “Oh shit, I’ve got to pick her u-“
“Hi! How are you, baby!” Y/n cheers, Milo running toward her then crashing into her in a hug. Y/n’s friend Mikaela had babysat Milo for the day while Y/n tried to get as much work done as she could. Usually on the weekends (like today) Milo will be in the store with her… which tends to distract her. “Um, I’ve got to go but we should do this again? Maybe… over dinner?” Harry asks, Y/n’s face lighting up.
“Are you asking me on a date?” She teases, Harry blushing and nodding. Y/n laughs, slipping her phone from her pocket, “take my number and we can schedule that date you’re begging me for.” She teases.
Harry gets her number, thanking her for the book and letting him stay before he slips out. Now he’s got to get back to Loralie. But he’s got a date!
**
Later that night when Harry and Loralie are practicing her memorizing her ABCs his phone beeps. He ignores his at first, just expecting it to be a stupid text from his friend Mitch, but once he looks down he sees Y/n’s contact name. “Keep going, bug.” Harry says, grabbing his phone from the carpet while they set on the floor of the living room, unlocking his phone.
Hii, im free next Friday :) let me know if that works with your schedule!
Harry laughs at her cute little smiley faces, trying to think up a response that doesn’t make him sound a thousand years older than her. The tip of his tongue sticks out while he types back his response, his eyebrows knitted in concentration.
Hello! Friday works, how about 5:30? I can pick you up.
He lays his phone back down and helps Loralie with her letters, pulling her onto his lap. “D is for Daddy!” She cheers, making Harry smile, chuckling and kissing her round cheeks while she squeals. Harry hears his phone ding, grabbing it and reading the response, thanking god she answered. He thought his heart would explode out of his chest. It was beating so hard.
That sounds good ☺️ see you then!
Harry got her to say yes, but now he has to deal with the anxiety of actually going on the date. What should he wear, where should they go? Should he be opening the door and pulling out her chair or is that not in-in dating anymore? He hasn’t dated since Loralies mum and his baby is two years old now, it’s been quite a long time since he dipped his toe into trying to charm a woman. He just hopes he’s still got it.
****************************
The day is here. Loralie is with her grandma so Harry can get ready for the date. He’s been panicking and running all around his little house. He showered and smothered himself in lotion and his best cologne- he wanted to smell nice for her. He was adding leave in conditioner to his hair (which he hardly remembers to do) to make it more silky and the curls look a bit prettier than they usually do- he doesn’t know much about hair, he just does what his sister tells him what his hairdresser tells him he should do.
He planned out an outfit, a pair of tan dress pants with a white tank top and a cardigan over it. He had thought over the outfit a bit too much, was it too casual for the date? Was the cardigan too much? He decided against his thoughts and layers some pearls on, sliding his rings on that were in a jewelry dish, placed in there before his shower. He takes a look in the mirror, readjust his cardigan before he gives himself a little nod. He feels good about this.
He makes his way over to Y/n flat, walking up the metal steps to her flat and knocking on the door. When she opens the door he notices just how amazing her home smells, just like her book shop. He needs to remember to ask her where she gets her candles. “Hi,” Harry smiles, looking his date up and down. She was dressed nicely. It was a sage green dress with spaghetti straps, it stopped a couple inches above her knee. Harry thought it was cute.
She paired it with gold jewelry and a black cross body bag. Dirty white vans to go along with it that added a child-like feel to the outfit. Harry thought that was cute too.
“Hi,” she smiles, glancing behind her. “You look nice.” Harry says, suddenly feeling hot. Y/n laughs under her breath, thanking him. “You look nice as well.” Harry smiles bashfully, looking down at his feet. “Thank you”
Y/n says her goodbyes to Milo, hugging and kissing him before thanking her friend again for watching him. It’s the same one from last week, Mikaela. They get into Harry’s car, a bit of awkward silent before Y/n breaks it, Harry stopping the tapping of his fingers along to the low radio once her voice interrupts it. “So, where are we going?” She asks, smoothing her dress out against her thighs.
Harry laughs, he’s not prepared for dates and for some reason he hadn’t thought about the most important part. “I’ll eat anywhere to be honest.” Y/n admits, looking through her window at all the different places.
Harry was looking around in a panic and he finally pulled something out of his ass that sounded good, especially on his teacher salary. “Olive Garden?” Harry says, trying to say it confidently but it definitely comes out as more of a question. Y/n’s eyes light up, she’s in the mood for bottomless salad and breadsticks. “That sounds heavenly.” And Harry is happy to hear that.
They walk into the busy restaurant, instantly getting escorted to a table. Harry is happy they didn’t have to wait- that would have just been embarrassing since he threw this together last minute. They sat in the booth, sliding in and getting comfortable. “So, how’s the bookstore?” Harry asks, pulling apart his breadstick. Y/n knocks her shoe with his under the table, she thinks it’s cute how bashfully he can get when just asking a simple question. “It’s good. How are your little art students?” Harry playfully rolls his eyes at her choice of words.
“It’s good. They are doing self portraits.” Y/n laughs, her eyes widening.
“How’s that going?” Harry laughs, shaking his head. “They look like shittier versions of Picasso’s paintings.” Y/n dramatically gasps through her laughs, “aren’t you supposed to worship the ground that man walks on? Why would you say that?” Harry rolls his eyes once again, chuckling at her. “I’m just behind honest!”
Their date goes on the same, they order their food, giggling while they eat and even getting into a little food fight with the leftover breadsticks. (They weren't being humble, they asked for another basket) They finished their food, “That was fun.” Y/n admits smiling. Harry nods, taking the check and opening his wallet. “Here,” y/n holds out her card, Harry shaking his head. “I’ll pay.” Harry shrugs her off, handing his card tucked in the black check book the waiter had brought over back to him before she can further protest.
Y/n scoffs, throwing another breadstick at him that he tried to catch but it’s too greasy. “Hey! I thought we had a truce?!” Harry questions her. She shakes her head, apparently swearing off the truce. Harry shrugs, thanking the waiter when he brings his card back along with their mints. “You better sleep with one eye open then.” Harry says, standing up and waiting for her. She laughs, standing up and pulling her bag over her shoulder. “I have a three year old, I basically sleep with them both open. You’re nothin’.” She says, Harry nodding his head in agreement. He knows just how she feels.
They drive back to her flat, Harry of course walking her to her door. “I had so much fun tonight.” Harry says, looking down before he looks up at Y/n. She smiles, blushing. She hasn’t dated since Xavier and she admired that to Harry tonight, they both admitted that they haven’t dated since their children’s parents so they felt a lot comfortable knowing they were both rusty.
“Me too, you’re a really sweet guy, Harry.” She says. She needs to remember to thank her forgetful little Milo for leaving his folder in Harry’s classroom. “Thanks for agreeing to go out with me. I was pretty nervous.” Harry admits a bit sheepishly. Harry is a bit giddy on the inside about them hitting it off so well, they were having the best conversation and at times they were getting extremely loud, probably annoying the people around them, but they didn’t care, they had fun. “Yeah, I was nervous as hell but I haven’t had this much fun in a while. Thanks for tonight.” Y/n smiles, leaning in for a kiss.
Harry’s eyes widen, but he still kisses her back. He hasn’t kissed anyone in so long he thought he had forgot how to for a second. His hands come up to cup her jaw, moving his lips with hers. “I’ll see you soon. Have a good night.” Y/n smiles, opening her door with red cheeks. Harry nods, a little flabbergasted. “Have a good night.” He says, trudging down her steps.
And now he’s hooked on her.
Tag list: @romionefp @iaalien @hopeyoustaythenight @evanjh
If you liked this please reblog and please tell me what you thought of it ☺️ thank you for reading!! I hope you all like the series so far I’m writing part three right now so it should come out soon ❤️🔥❤️🔥
#singledad!harry#dad!harry#dadrry#harry#harry styles#harry imagine#harry styles imagine#harry x reader#harry styles x reader#harry styles x single parent#harry x single parent#harry styles one shot#harry styles drabble#harry drabble#harry styles blurb#harry blurb#harry writing#harry styles writing#harry fic#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfiction#fic#fanfiction#writing#harry styles au#harry au#fine line#golden
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Vanta Black is a butt
I’m sorry, this is my first Drabble or whatever this is, I didn’t proof read it, I don’t really know what my intention was here.. I’m not a writer, I do digital art, but there’s so little Shihai smut out there I thought I would add my bad writing to the small pile xD
I’m SO SORRY.
Pairing: Shihai Kuroiro x Reader
Characters are in their mid twenties.
Rating: Explicit
MINORS DO NOT INTERRACT
Warnings: Dub-Con, Predator/Prey Dynamic, Quirk use, Smut
It’s been a long day, it’s 10pm and you just exited the cinema alone, your friend, who decided to make the whole movie about kissing, making out, and blowing their newly acquired boyfriend, ditched you early in favour of going home with him.
Oh how wonderful it felt to be a third wheel. You’d resigned and accepted your fate, opting to take your time, grabbing a coffee at concession before leaving.
It’s Friday night and there’s still a buzz of nightlife, just barely starting to pick up. Luckily you lived nearby so you wouldn’t have to suffer atrocious cab fares, and the awkward conversations that you always felt cornered into.
You take a deep breath, finishing off the last of your beverage and tossing it into the trash and beginning your walk home, pulling together your jacket to ward off the cold bite of the night air.
————
It’s only 2 blocks from your apartment when you hear what sounds like distressed meows coming from a dark alley. Was it a cat? Fuck, it’s too cold on a night like this to just ignore it. You aren’t the bravest person, and dimly lit alleyways threw up about a dozen warning signals, but these small, infantile kitten meows had you falter and pause.
Biting your lip, you decide to suck it up. You can’t abandon a little kitty out here..
Oh how wonderfully gullible you are.
As you near a filthy dumpster with so many tags on it you can’t even make out a single letter, a cold breeze makes you shiver, it travels up your spine making you feel unsettled. For some reason the meows stopped when you began to enter the alley, and as you pull your arms around yourself for comfort to try and quell the fear, you peer around some stray boxes and trash bags, hoping to locate the abandoned animal.
You let out a gasp as something moves, you suppress a scream and tumble back against the brick wall, panting, heart beating rapidly.
There is nothing.
You swallow, you must have imagined it right?
Suddenly you feel something warm grab your wrists from behind, instinctively you try to pull forward but whatever is holding you is like a vice. Looking down you see pitch black hands wrapped firmly around your dainty wrists and then a low, whispering voice hits your ear.
“Hello little mousy~” Out from the dark brick behind you, a mans face with charcoal pigmented skin is pushing out from the darkness, his deep, dangerous tone terrifying and a little too provocative. Your first reaction is to bolt, and as you yank yourself away (purely at the mercy of this strange man in a wall letting your wrists go), you fall to the ground, turning to back yourself up against the opposite wall, resting on your now scraped palms. “W-what the hell?!” You stammer, taking in the sight before you.
Oh how cute.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” You yell, hoping to draw the attention of someone, anyone, nearby.
...
A deep chuckle cuts through the cold silence between you, and you watch as the head moves forward, more of his body emerging from the wall, and now, you get the chance to fully drink in his features. He’s handsome, well, what little you can make out in the low light against impossibly dark skin. His eyes are hooded and seductive, they study you with each breath you take. His lips are lightly pursed into a small smirk, they look perfect on his sharp jawline. His face is framed by a mop of thick silver hair that flicks out in an unruly manner over his cheeks and the back of his neck. The man is clad in a black coat, grey denim jeans, and a low cut v-neck tee, where you can make out his defined collarbones disappearing beneath the lapels of his long coat.
“Aww.. did I scare the poor little thing?” The man coos out gently, and the twisted smile he wears tells you very clearly this was all just fun cruelty to him.
“O-Of course you did! Who the fuck does tha-“
“Shihai” he interrupts you.
“What?”
“My name is Shihai Kuroiro, but you may call me Kuro.”
“I don’t give a damn what your name is.” You blurt out, getting yourself back to your feet and pressing yourself against the cold brick as if it would get you any further away from this..thing.
“You should. You will. Pretty thing like you couldn’t help but come to the pitiful little meows of a kitten, you didn’t even think, did you?”
“I-I…”
“I’m not even very good at making those sounds.. and yet you wandered all the way down an unlit alley, where oh, I don’t know…” Shihai steps forward and places his palms either side of your shoulders. He’s taller than you, lean, but sturdy in build, and his every languid movement was filled with its own strength and purpose. “...anyone could take advantage of you."
"I saw you in the cinema," He continued."you and your so called friend, she certainly had a good time, didn’t she?” He muses, leaning down so his wild grey-ish locks tickle your temple, his breath fanning over your neck as he spoke.
You can’t help but go red at the closeness, there was no doubt he was hot, he was very much your type and when was the last time you had a good fuck? Too long, that was for sure. But this guy was being a real creep! Not to mention scaring you half to death like some sort of twisted predator…
“Such a shame they didn’t invite you along with them.. then again, if they had, I wouldn’t have been able to get you alone like this… so cute, so flushed.. and my.. so easy.” He growls darkly, carding his fingers through your hair, and slowly curling his hand into a fist to grab a handful and yank gently. “Have some fun with me…” You knew this wasn’t an offer, but an inevitable demand, and against your quickly disappearing better judgement, you nodded meekly. Fuck it.
———————
The next few minutes are a blur, as you find yourself naked beneath Shihai, panting and mewling as his mouth works your nipple, sucking and nibbling while his hand massages and kneads your other breast. “K-...Kuro…” You gasp, arching your back and grabbing a fistful of his hair. You throw your head back and pant to the pulsing in your core, deft fingers of Shihai’s free hand thrusting in and out of you while curling them expertly.
The man is ravenous as he attacks that spongey spot inside you, his mouth hotly working up your neck and leaving an all manner of marks in his wake. You let out a guttural moan, writhing underneath his frame, pressing your chest to his and rocking your hips against his fingers, chasing your orgasm like a woman starved.
So Shameless
You weren’t quite sure how he got you to this room so quickly from the city street, no doubt it had to be some weird quirk that came with his abnormal allearance but you were hardly complaining once he stripped you, and himself down and practically threw you onto the bed to jump you.
“So beautiful.. so good for me, little mouse…” he coos, growling shortly after as he notices your body giving him telltale signs of your impending release. “Kuro.. please.. I-I’m..” You whine loudly as he pulls his fingers out of you abruptly, ceasing his administrations in full and repositioning himself above you. “Uh-uh-uh..~” Shihai keens, tutting before capturing your mouth in a lust filled kiss and pressing his tongue to your lips, demanding access. Your pitiful whine of protest offers him the perfect opening as he slides his tongue into your mouth and dominates you entirely, a free hand pushing your hips down to stop your pitiful bucking. “Mmmphhh~” You moan into his mouth, running your hands up and down his chest and ribs, feeling the muscles move and tense and admiring each contraction as he moves to line himself up.
“You only get to cum on my dick, understand~?” His voice is smooth like butter when he breaks the kiss, bringing his hand up to lick your ample juices from his fingers in a lewd display. He nearly moans when he tastes you, eyes fluttering closed as he savours your taste, slowly and teasingly sucking every digit clean. “Oh.. so delicious, little one. I’ll be sure to clean you up properly when we’re done…” He grins, sliding his tongue out of his mouth provocatively, causing you to whimper.
It’s only when you feel his hips move do you realise he had slowly been lining himself up with your dripping entrance, rolling them to push the tip of his leaking cock into your stretched hole, the movement drawing a long, loud moan from you. Fuck, you didn’t even get a good look at it in the heat of things, but fuck if it didn’t feel massive as it slowly stretches you out around the sheer girth.
Shihai hums contently, clearly holding back his sounds in favour of composure and control as he slowly, smoothly, sheaths himself into your heat. The stretch hurts, and is taking a little too long to grow accustomed to as you look up at the stunningly biz are creature above you. You raise a hand to his cheek, admiring his smooth warm skin and slight changes in shade as he grows hotter and hotter from the workout, and you offer the first gentle touch of the night to him, as re-assurance he can move, yes, but also an attempt to connect, and as his eyes dart to you’s, you swear you could see his cheeks reddening a little.
Shihai shakes his head and lowers himself down to bite and nibble at your neck, slowly beginning to rock his hips back and forth. “So.. so tight, you really are a sweet little thing aren’t you” he manages between thrusts that grow in intensity. “Fuck, you’re practically sucking me in, beautiful.” he grunts, a shudder racking his spine as you continue to touch him tenderly.
“A-ahmmm… Kuro!” You groan, breaths becoming an uneven pant, you lean back to give him better access to your neck and guide his hand up to your breast again as you start to move your hips in time with his, lifting your knees to let him hit deeper and deeper inside of you. “I wanna… mmmmphhhh! Shit.. I need to…” you feel the tightness building in your stomach.
The pace quickens and the new angle has him hitting that perfect spot inside of you. He’s bracing himself on one hand, and with his other, he’s squeezing and gently teasing your pebbled nipple beneath his fingertips.
“Hahn… gonna cum? Go on… you can do it. Cum all over my cock.”
You throw your head back again and wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him deeper into you with each thrust until your walls clench and contract around his dick, making it twitch and pulse as you both reach your high, coming undone at once.
—————————-
Kuroiro takes surprisingly good care of you after multiple rounds of intense orgasms, he cleans you up with a warm damp cloth, feeds you, and gives you water before you damn near pass out in his bed. As he settles in beside you, scooting up to try and make you roll over so he can spoon you, you reach up to cup his cheek in your hand, your sleepy expression sweet and lazy. “...You’re still a creep..” You murmur gently, causing him to look at you with a little shock. He opens his mouth to retaliate, but you cut him off before he can get a stupid cocky remark in. “...but this was amazing. Do you think next time we could start…. with an actual date?”
His mouth opens again, this time he’s speechless. “Wait.. r-really? You’d.. you’d like to…?”
“Shhhh…” you nod, smiling gently as you roll over and shuffle back into him.
What you’re too tired to notice, is the heat coming from his cheeks, ears, and neck. Shit, he thought if he could just remain in control he wouldn’t become a stammering blushing mess. You weren’t supposed to like him! Nor ask him out!
But you had to be a cute little sweetheart and flip the tables on his plan.
#shihai kuroiro#Shihai Kuroiro x reader#lemon#smut#bnha fanfiction#mha fanfiction#bnha x reader#vanta black x reader#first time doing this please go easy on me
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Trigger Warning: Healing is painful, but there’s so much light on the other side if we’re strong enough to walk through the dark.
My hope in sharing my story is to help anyone who reads it find peace or healing, just as I always aim with my fiction. If it feels right to you to do so, I encourage you to reblog this. It is highly personal, but I choose to share it publicly.
************
This past Sunday, I received an email responding to my desire to withdraw from a fic fest. Instead of the simple “You have been removed from the fest” that I’d been expecting through an official channel from mods to a participant, this is the response I received. Please be aware, the following is painful.
***
We've removed you from the fest and will mark you down as not being welcome to participate in future fests. We show a great deal of compassion toward our writers, which is why we send reminders, answer any and all questions, and provide extensions when requested. There's a reason why our fest has one of the highest numbers of fics of any fest/challenge in the fandom - it's because we support our participating writers and do everything possible to assist them as they complete their fics.
However, once a writer has repeatedly failed to communicate and missed both a deadline and an extended deadline, it's clear that they do not have any respect for the fest, the mods, our time, or our own unique situations, as we don't have endless extra hours to track down participants in a fic fest. Several reminders on three different platforms, an extension, and requests for writers to simply let us know if they need more time does not demonstrate a lack of compassion in any capacity. We also showed a great deal of compassion by welcoming you with open arms into the [redacted] after you insulted the fest, insulted [redacted] fics, and made writers uncomfortable last year after signing up to beta their fics, all while pretending to support and uplift writers in the fandom just as you did in your email here.
Have a great week!
- [redacted] Mods
***
This email arrived right at the end of the night, just as I was lying down to sleep. I couldn’t read it all the way through. It elicited a trauma response in me. My heart started racing, my palms were sweaty, I was shaking, I felt sick to my stomach.
I went into fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. My first response was to freeze. In order to escape the barrage of pain bombarding me, I simply dissociated and disconnected from my body. It allowed me to sleep, but barely. I deleted the email in a desperate attempt to pretend it didn’t exist.
The pain caught up with me twenty-four hours later. I couldn’t breathe, my lungs shrunk in around my heart. My whole body locked up. I couldn’t move. I knew that if I spoke, even to say ‘hello’ to someone, I’d start crying.
The moment I was alone in my room the tears came. The pain came, bursting through me. I sobbed uncontrollably, curled into myself on my bed, begging for the pain to stop, begging for a miracle, screaming internally for relief and to understand what I’d done to deserve this because I didn’t have the air for more than broken whispers.
I fell asleep whispering ‘I need a miracle’ over and over. The mantra blocked out all the disgusting thoughts that wanted to keep swirling through my head. This is it. This is the final proof that you don’t belong here. You never have. You never will. Run away, M. It’s over. You tried, you failed. You always do. You always will.
I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.
Grief is intense. These are the moments where we don’t think we’ll survive what we’re feeling. My love, whoever you are, if you are reading this, hear from me. The agony passed. I needed to feel that agony, to allow it to move through me and to give myself the space to feel it. Without diving off the deep end into what hurts, I wouldn’t have been able to find the inner peace to keep healing, to start to understand.
The residual pain is still there, even as I write this post. But it no longer overwhelms my senses. And by Tuesday morning, I’d been given insight into what was happening.
I experienced a trauma response because it mirrored mistreatment I first received in childhood from family and classmates alike and continued into my adult life. In full view of others, it was acknowledged as cruel even by my mother, who struggles with her own guilt because she never stood up for me. No one did.
So I internalized the mistreatment. I must deserve it if everyone else around me is ok with me being singled out like this? At first I spoke up for myself. But in the end I stopped speaking up for myself too. I had never healed this pain and here it was, coming back around again, forcing me to face it, to heal it once and for all.
I still do not know what exactly I may have said to cause these accusations that you see in the email. **I do not and will not deny them.** Even if my words were taken in a way I did not consciously intend, to deny that I said anything that caused someone else pain is to deny my own power AND to deny that everyone’s emotions are valid and worth digging into.
I have the power to inflict pain, just as I have the power to spread and share love and joy.
Whatever I said came from a place of pain, of believing I did not belong in this community. That I am not good enough or worthy enough to be here. A series of unfortunate but necessary events when I first entered this fandom completely disintegrated my core beliefs in my abilities as a writer, something I have always kept so close to my heart, and my belief that I had a place in this fandom.
I expect, as I look into my past patterns, that what I did was try to logic why I wasn’t allowed to belong. At the time, this fest was the only subset of the fandom I knew, I was so brand new. So I looked through all the prompts in the fest. I brought a scientific method view to answering the question: “What is it about the fics people write in this fandom am I unable/incapable of doing?”
This process allowed me to generalize everything I saw that I perceived as ‘I can’t do that, this is why I don’t belong here’. Consumed in my own doubt that I could measure up and write something worth reading, I dropped from the fest last year too. If I can’t contribute writing that’s worth reading, I could at least stick with what I do best, which is helping others be their best selves. I had signed up to beta, and I chose to cling to the only grasp of belonging I had, which was through beta’ing. I ended up beta’ing four fics last year for the fest. And, of course, each of them were (and still are) incredible fics. At the time, it was further proof to me of exactly what I can’t accomplish.
In all likelihood, these generalizations, stemming from a place of pain and jealousy because I wanted to write good fics too, came out in a personal conversation with someone, which they translated as a personal attack. It is valid. Whoever you are, your emotions are valid. It does not matter how I meant whatever I said, pain is what you felt. This person did not feel comfortable sharing that pain with me, so instead they turned to others and shared. My moment of vulnerability and pain then spread more pain.
Pain only comes from pain.
The response was to shadow ban me. In fact, I was never meant to find out about any of this. The pain this person shared was simply taken at face value and that was that.
So on my end, this decision showed up in the physical world this way: Suddenly all my asks went unanswered, people I tagged to share snippets and last lines and get to know more through ‘about me’ posts or who had once talked to me through DMs simply stopped speaking to me in a way that is only noticeable to the person being ignored. I thought I was going crazy. But there it was, right in front of me: absolute proof that I wasn’t good enough to be a part of this fandom.
Is anyone else beginning to see the cycle of pain?
I expect I continued this cycle right back, because the pain turned to bitterness. I’d been doing everything I could to support every author the best way I knew how, and this was what I got? The exact opposite?
I found out about this shadow ban and actual blocking around June of this year. An ask sent in by a friend for me, inquiring why I couldn’t reblog a post that’d been sent to me by someone else, finally gave me the answer that I’d been banned for the accusations you saw above.
Horrified, hurt, and unable to comprehend any of this except to know that I support every author no matter what they write, I sent an apology to the mods, trying to end this cycle the best I could without knowing any of the details of what had happened. There was nothing more I could do.
They thanked me for the apology, though as you can see from the email, it was never accepted. I do not say that as a judgement call, but simply as a statement of what happened. Everyone is entitled to accept or not accept in their own time and their own ways.
I have been healing so much since everything that occurred last year. And the more I dig in to this cycle, the more my heart goes out to the drafters of this email, to the person I hurt with my words who then turned to share it out of context with others, and to the people who shadow banned me in connection with this situation.
We attract to us what resonates with us. Like attracts like. Which means just as I’ve attracted the greatest friends to me, I have also attracted this pain, and conversely, these mods and that person attracted me to them.
Deep down, on some level we share the same core wounds. And the person who can really understand just how painful those wounds can be is someone who feels them too.
So this is my message to the mods of the above email, to those who have shadow banned me and want nothing to do with me, and to the original person I hurt with my words:
I am sorry for my part in this pain. I am sorry for causing pain and I apologize for it. You are loved. You are enough. You are doing a fantastic job. Your feelings are valid. Your hurt is valid. I don’t know what occurred that hurt you before I entered the fandom, but after finding out from others that an email like the one you sent above is ‘Oh that’s just how they are’ tells me something else happened to hurt you before I even arrived.
Your hurt then is valid too. Allow yourself to feel it and process it. Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let that hurt and fear of it happening again or believing that that’s how everyone is push away from you people who in fact love just what you love. If someone has a different belief from yours, don’t let it invalidate what is true for you. Believing internalized lies about myself only caused me pain. And we spread and create what we believe to be true, whether we consciously realize it or not.
So here, now, is my truth:
I choose to perpetuate love. I choose to spread love. I choose to understand my pain and the pain of others, to transmute it, and to heal it, instead of passing that pain on.
I choose compassion. Compassion for myself in making these mistakes, and compassion for those who have hurt me. I do not condone the email that was sent to me. No one deserves to be treated that way. I choose to focus beneath the visceral anger and lashing out, to focus on the agony beneath the words, and stop this cycle of pain.
I choose to belong in this fandom. I choose to support every author in this fandom and ensure no one ever feels not good enough. I choose to own my past mistakes and learn from them.
I choose trust. To trust that those who I truly hope will see this, will see it. I have no expectations of responses or outcomes or reactions. My only hope is that whoever will benefit from seeing this post will see it.
This is not a matter of right or wrong, bad or good, just or unjust. It is a situation of two parties in pain, triggered by the same triggers.
Looking back on that email, I’ve come to realize that half of the pain I felt when I received it was not my own. I felt the pain of the attack, sure, but I also felt the immense pain beneath those words. And I wish I could hug you. I acknowledge your pain and I acknowledge how painful it is because I know that pain myself. I also know that this pain isn’t you and it isn’t who you are.
So I choose to remember the mods I first met around this same time last year in this same email chain. Mods who were so kind and offered advice to a brand new writer even when she sent an email that had nothing to do with the fest and was still struggling to find her place in the fandom. I choose to remember how beautiful that kindness felt. I choose to remember how I was so grateful for that kindness that I shared my gratitude for these same mods in an email with with another fandom friend at the time. I am still grateful for you.
You are so loved. You are loved for being exactly who you are. This fandom is built upon love. A shared love of five incredibly talented lads who have brought so much joy and light when each and every one of us has needed it the most. Shine your light through the dark and believe with all your heart that you are not alone. You have support. I support you. Shine on. Don’t let anyone dim it.
#Being this vulnerable#is an act of courage#I never knew I had#I'm not fearless#I feel ready to vomit#I have no idea how this will be received#but I am sharing my truth#have courage to share your truth#the world needs you
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hello stranger | reader x changbin |
this drabble was inspired by binnie’s outfit from the hello stranger vid and oh also! we are finally getting changbin’s thighs on this acct dedicated to them teehee
Part 1
Pairing: self insert, female reader x seo changbin, past reader x han jisung
Genre: smut n’ a lil fluff
Tags: (for this part) softdom!changbin, sub!reader, undergroundrapper!changbin, chan, felix and jisung side characters, hook-up, scraping knees & mentions of blood, thigh riding, oral (m receiving), gagging, protected sex, praise kink, slight breeding kink, orgasm denial and edging (f receiving), begging, fingering (f receiving), squirting, use of handcuffs, cockwarming at the end
Word count: 4.9k
Chapters
PART 1 | PART 2
gif creds to @iconicspearb ♡
2am, and you felt euphoric. Like a fucking cloud. Even though it was typical, there really were no other words that could describe it. Music was blasting on several speaks mounted to the walls and the ceiling. The bass was booming at such a low frequency you felt it reverberating in your chest--or maybe that was your heart.
You had been shoved up against sweaty bodies for nearly four hours now, and your friends Chan and Felix hadn’t told you if they planned on leaving at any time soon. Not like you minded. Nothing felt better than a feeling like this. In a place like this, you could forget the rest of the world for a little bit; who you were and what you needed to do. The buzz in the room was infectious. Everyone in the room threw their bodies together, clashing in one big, beautiful mess.
After four hours, you still wouldn’t get tired of it. Next to you, Chan and Felix were bouncing up and down with you, thrashing their heads to the rapid fire syllables spat by the rappers. Your ears would ring during every tiny moment of silence.
“How much longer do you wanna stay for?!” Your scratched voice called to your friends.
“SpearB hasn’t come on yet!! We have to see him!”
“SpearB?!”
The widest grin attacked Chan’s face, flashing his dimples. “Yeah! I heard that he’s insane!”
Felix threw his arm over your shoulder to dance with him and the two of you fell into a rhythm, shouting over the lyrics of the rapper on stage: you had seen him dozens of times, Chan and him were even on a first name basis.
You new his name too, but that was because you had plenty experience screaming it out for him...both at concerts and in private. Jisung was his name. He was the one that turned you on to fuck buddies. God, he was way too cocky for you to ever to consider anything else.
He dished out out of his signature winks while he buried his teeth into his lip.
You wondered if you would be going home with him again tonight. Not like you minded. The way that he would suck on your clit was unreal.
“--THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT!” Jisung bellowed into the mic, leaping off some structure and launching himself into the air.
You and your two friends cheered for him and clapped for him until your hands turned red. He was cocky...but he was sure as hell talented.
“SpearB is coming next!!!” Felix shook your shoulders in his excitement.
A couple stage hands changed around the stage a little bit by moving around a couple speakers, adding a smoke machine, setting out a new computer at the little table in center stage.
“He-he’s gonna LIVE MIX ON THE STAGE” Chan’s eyes widened.
“He’s gonna what!?” There was almost nothing left of your voice.
“JUST WAIT AND SEE.”
The lights dimmed and Felix and Chan clung to your arms, nearly squeezing the life out of them.
If he was this of a big deal to them, he must be something special.
He stepped out a black shadow, swirls of smoke at his feet. He hadn’t even said anything yet, but his aura was massive. The lights rose slightly so you could see his face better: smoky brown eyes, light brown hair that was nearly silver. He wore a thick silver chain around his neck, contrasting with the rest of his darkly colored clothes. Most of all, your eyes were drawn to his thighs, perfectly shaped and curved under his pants, toned and thick. On his fingers he wore bands of sliver rings.
As soon as his fingers touched the keyboard, Chan and Felix lost their minds clawing at your arms. You had never seen the two of them so giddy.
He didn’t even look at the audience at first, like they weren’t even there. With the tap of his fingers he started making a beat; it was piercing and catchy with snares and 808′s vibrating the room. He had a small keyboard next to him that he used, the silver glimmer from his rings reflected off the stage lights--they were nearly blinding.
The crowd started moving to his beat which he sped up gradually creating a type of tension that you could only really describe like the mere seconds before a climax.
He rose the mic to his mouth after licking his lips tantalizingly slow. He finally let himself look at the crowd. With the mic to his mouth, his eyes met yours, striking you with electricity. Even though his backing music was ridiculously fast, he sauntered to the front of the stage, not breaking with your gaze. This time you definitely knew it was your heart that was throbbing in your chest—not the music.
Chan and Felix were clawing onto you even harder, but you couldn’t feel a thing.
He was fucking mesmerizing.
He hadn’t even said a word.
He crouched down to be eye level with you with his gaze still deathly fierce. Every single inch of him oozed with confidence and unbridled mystery.
Almost like he was teasing you, he shot up and away, turning into his mic, his gruff voice growling over the start of his lyrics.
He never looked at you again for the rest of the performance. You found yourself aching for his eyes on your body again, but he never gave it to you.
No one had ever made you as soaked as he made you.
╚ ——————————————— ╝
“Aren’t you glad that we stayed, Y/n?” Chan nudged you hard once the three of you had left the club.
The chill of the winter stung at the back of your sweaty neck wonderfully. It felt amazing compared to how stuffy it had been in there for the past several hours.
“--how he looked at you?? Y/n, that was...” Felix laughed out a little in disbelief.
You dig your hands further into your coat pockets. Just above you, tiny flakes of snow started to fall. You huffed out, your breath was wispy floating in the air. You were still getting over it all. How could he have looked at you like that and then pretended that you didn’t even exist? What kind of sick shit was that?
Chan ran in front of you to skid on a patch of ice with child-like giggles.
“You okay?” Felix asked, linking his arm through yours. He was always the best at reading you.
“--yeah, it was just strange. There was something about him that...”
“--I mean, he’s really hot. I’ll give him that.”
You chuckled a little. “You think so too?”
“I’d be blind if I didn’t think so.”
“I don’t even know him...but why did he look at me like that...like he did?”
“I dunno.” Felix shrugged. “We should catch up with Chan before he actually slips.”
“Heh, you’re probably right.”
“You just gonna head back home? It’s really late.”
“Yeah, I’m super tired after all of that.”
“Want one of us to walk you home?”
You pondered for a minute, eyes cast up a little to the sky. The night had turned perfectly quiet during the early hours of the morning. Maybe a walk by yourself could do you some good.
“I’m fine. Thanks for offering though.”
“Text us when you get back?” Your friend gave your arm a little squeeze with a little worry dancing across his freckled cheeks.
“Of course.”
“Okay...don’t forget!”
“I won’t!” You waved your friends away just as you reached the intersection separating your path from theirs.
You sucked in a deep inhale, letting the cold air burn a little in your lungs. The sensation snapped you out of your yawn perfectly. It was just a few more blocks away and you knew the way well. Two rights, one left, two straight ahead.
A blur started to cover your eyes and one more yawn escaped your lips.
Or was it one right and two lefts?
The street lights blurred into green and white lines.
I should be there shouldn’t I?
Behind you the horn honked, loud and shrill.
You thought to yourself, what is someone doing honking so loud at night?
“Watch out!!” A hand grabbed at your arm and jerked you back hard.
You were definitely awake when your body crashed to the cement sidewalk knees first. A burning pain seethed at the skin of your knees.
“Fuck! Sorry, I didn’t mean to pull that hard--”
At first you saw your scraped knees, then you saw him...finally looking at you again.
“What the hell are you doing walking into the middle of the street, didn’t you see the light?”
“Are you fucking stalking me?” Was the first thing your brilliant brain could think to ask.
He scoffed. “You’re welcome for saving your life? You were stumbling around... are you okay? Did you take something?”
Before you knew it you were surrounded by him and his friends: inspecting you for any signs.
“No, I am not on anything.” You hissed. “I just...I think that I’m tired an--wait...where are we?”
“That tired huh?” He helped you to your feet, making you wince. “Shit, you’re bleeding.” His hand lingered on yours.
“Oh. Yeah, it’s fine. Honestly it’s my own fault.” Your tone dropped. “I should have had one of them walk me home.”
“--You need someone to walk you home?”
“No, I got it, thanks. I’m just over that way.” You took two shaky steps forward, your knees immediately buckling in pain.
“No-listen, my place is over there, I can help you get cleaned up--you’re not gonna find any taxis back to your place at this time of night.”
“Are you luring me right now?”
“What?! No!”
You chuckled a little. It was a bit funny how different he was off stage compared to on. You almost forgot how embarrassingly soaked he had made you before.
“Trust me.” He nodded to his friends and they split, leaving the two of you alone under the flurrying snow. “You coming?”
You tentatively took his hand. Funny. This was kind of how it started with Jisung too. All of them were the fucking same. You pitied yourself for thinking that he would be any different.
╚ ——————————————— ╝
Changbin, as he introduced himself, lived in a modest apartment with three roommates in a place with creaky floorboards and walls of painted over brick. He swore up and down that there was heating in there, but it didn’t feel like it. He kept very few things in his room save for some things that looked like synthesizers and a TV. The two of you had to tip-toe to his room. He warned you that nothing could be kept secret in that apartment.
“Here, you should clean it first to get anything out of it. Then put this on it, you don’t wanna get infected or anything.”
“oh. Thank you--” You reached out, but instead he knelt at the edge of the bed at your knees. He tore the whole in your tights even wider to start dabbing at your scratches.
“Hey! What the--”
“--They’re already torn. What’s the use in them now?”
He got to work, being as careful as he could tending to you. His hands gently held your leg still. You watched as he did everything. Being this close again, you remembered. Those little silvery and wavy trellises of his hair...he really was gorgeous.
Changbin’s hand smoothed down your calf once he was done, tickling you slightly.
“All done. Better?”
“Yeah...thank you.” You shied away. After seeing this other side of him you didn’t quite know what to think.
“I’d love for you to stay but, seeing as you thought that I was luring you before--”
“--Have I met you before?”
“Me?” Changbin unclipped his earrings. “I don’t think so. But...that’s interesting. I was thinking the same thing earlier. There’s something about you that I recognize.”
“--That’s why you looked at me like that?”
“I looked at you like that, because I thought that you looked sexy.”
You felt a heat rise in your cheeks. There was something especially hard to ignore about how gentle he had been with you before and how his eyes seemed to devour you now recalling the memory. It was...different. Maybe he wasn’t like all the rest of them.
“I guess you must not think I still am if you’re trying to send me home.” You edged him on. It was undeniable how good it felt to have him give you his undivided attention.
“I’m sending you home because it’s the respectful thing to do.”
“That’s honorable.”
“You rather me do something else?”
“You rather me do something else?”
“You want me to continue being respectful?”
“Do you want to be?”
Changbin paced the length of his room, cradling his neck up. “Stop playing fucking games and tell me what it is you want.”
You thought that him performing was enough to send you over. Seeing him mad was something entirely different. You knew exactly what you wanted; what your body wanted.
You narrowed your eyes. “Obviously. I want you.”
You saw it in his eyes first. It was like the first spark of a flame right before he was set ablaze. All you had to do was say it.
He tore his jacket off and launched himself on top of you, crashing his lips needily into yours. His mouth was addictive, perfectly soft, but running over yours roughly over and over. He kissed you, starving, breathing exhales into your mouth. He wasted no time meeting his tongue with yours, twisting around it slowly, forcing you to slow your pace. He gave you everything at once, then slowly started taking it away again. Changbin sucked on your bottom lip slightly, then pulled. He returned, kissing you again agonizingly slow. He let his hands cascade down your sides, sliding them up your shirt. Further down, he wedged his thigh between your legs, pressing in and issuing a little whimper from you.
“I like to take things slowly...I hope you don’t mind.” He kissed down your jaw to your neck, taking care of the skin he craved here. He pressed harder with his leg.
You cried out before grinding your hips into his thigh hopelessly seeking some kind of pleasure. When you did so, the friction of your clit was just enough.
“So fucking needy.” His warm breath spilled into your ear. “You just can’t wait to have me, can you? Can’t wait to have me filling you up, fucking you deep inside, stretching you out...just like you want to?” He painted more kisses into your neck. “You’re not getting it yet. Not until I say so.”
“Please...” You felt pathetic grinding on him so hard, but you couldn’t stop, not when it felt so good.
“Awww.” He tutted. “Feels good doesn’t it?”
“Mmmm...” You dug your fingers into his arms to pull yourself even closer to him.
He scoffed out a laugh and moved himself off of you. “Quit doing my job for me.” He smirked, then reached down to your legs where he coursed his hands up your inner thighs right where you were most delicate. His fingers reached your throbbing and drenched pussy properly wet through your panties from grinding on him. He ghosted over your clit, letting his fingers fall up and down just slightly, never giving you the satisfaction. Your whole body jerked just for him. Wordlessly, he tore a hole again with one continuous rip.
“fuck. You’re so wet for me.” He wondered at your body. There he was, looking at you as he had done before. His thumb permitted you a couple soft circles to your clit as you helplessly grinded into his hand. His hands looked beautiful teasing your pussy with his silver rings.
“I’ve got something special I wanna use on you.” Changbin rubbed down harder with one hand and drew a pair of shiny metal handcuffs from his beside with the other. “Pretty right?” He twisted them around.
Seeing them instantly made your whole core cry out in desire for him even more.
“Can I?”
You nodded quickly and even provided for him your wrists. As expected they bit with a cold, but how they made you feel...so helpless and usable was euphoric. Changbin rose your arms above your head, then removed the remains of your tights, skirt and underwear. By contrast, he was still completely clothed, but you could see his dick, hard and swelling with girth, pressing up against his pants.
His hands explored all over your legs while you squirmed. The touch of his skin on yours was hypnotic. You had already felt his fingers, so you figured he wouldn’t let you feel them again soon. He drew little scribbles into your skin, sometimes pressing hard, grabbing at you in greedy handfuls.
“You’re so gorgeous Y/n, so pretty for me, so pretty tied up and squirming. You’re such a good girl...I’m gonna make you cum harder than you can even imagine.”
Your little whimpers came out along with a string of explicatives while he teased at you relentlessly, still not going to touch your clit again. Your hands trashed together a little in the cuffs, the cold digging into you. You couldn’t do anything about it. Your hips writhed when his fingers traced up to your belly, then up to your nipples to pinch at them until they were painfully hard. Your whole body craved him so badly everywhere.
“fuck--please stop, please--” you panted out, “touch me.”
Back down again went his hands, and you watched as he devilishly smiled at his work. “I said, not until I say so.” Suddenly his fingers slid right into your pussy with ease. He had tricked you. You nearly screamed at the feeling if he had not slapped his hand over your mouth. “be fucking quiet.”
Changbin pumped in and out at his favored slow pace, curling his fingers up perfectly to rub at your g-spot. Your hands were still useless, so you bit down hard on your lip to keep your moans from escaping.
“You like it this way don’t you? You’re taking my fingers so good, beautiful. Keep being a good girl and I’ll let you cum okay?”
“Mmm-yes, please.” Your words were breathy.
He moved on to fucking you with his fingers relentlessly. He would switch between pumping you full to then pulling out and robbing you of all feeling. As soon as he could sense your walls tightening, he would pull out, eyes greedily watching as you would fall apart from his edging.
Your body betrayed you while you were being cruelly teased and your mind went blank as he brought you back and fourth each time. A tension deep down inside you built every time he would curl his fingers--any moment you knew that you could explode if he could only just let you. You even considered letting your hands fall to rub your needy clit yourself, but you had more than enough of punishing.
“You’re doing so well.” Changbin soothed you at last. “Do you wanna cum for me?”
“Yes.” You sighed out with utter exhaustion.
“Alright. You deserve it.” He kissed into the skin right under your bellybutton where your shirt had tucked up a little.
Finally he rammed his thumb against your clit to give it simulation as he continued fucking into you with his fingers, giving careful attention to your sensitive bud as he wiggled his fingers with speed. The metal on his fingers grazed you too inside, and you felt yourself tightening around him once again. That same tension gathered low and it was so intense and unfamiliar that it scared you. Your back arched as you felt it getting closer..closer...
You cried out, “Changbin, I--”
“Just let it all go, babygirl.” He spread out your legs farther.
You came with such ferocity that you felt lightheaded: you squirted hard with your release. It took every ounce of your will not to make a sound, only letting shallow gasps escape. Changbin removed his fingers as you came, rubbing your clit as you did, giving it a couple slaps where it was swollen. Tears fell down the sides of your face as your whole body shook with each release and your hips buckled together.
Changbin laughed out in awe at the shaking mess in front of him. You felt your whole body flush with heat, and you couldn’t bear to look at him--you had never done anything like that before in your whole life. In fact you didn’t really know what it was. You hid your flustered face under your arms.
“Fuck, that was so fucking hot.” You heard him chuckle. “Why are you hiding? Hey, come back--”
He jingled with the keys and let your wrists free, which were also throbbing with a bit of pain. He kissed both of them one after the other.
“Are you okay?”
You let yourself look at him and you noticed that his shirt was splattered wet from droplets of your liquids.
“Fuck--I’m sorry, I don’t know what that was--”
He laughed softly then crawled over you again. His hands ran up and down your body still in aftershocks. “You don’t have to apologize.” He pressed his lips into yours. “I’m guessing that was your first time squirting, huh?”
“I-I think so.”
“Did it feel good?”
“It felt...so good.”
“I fulfilled my promise then didn’t I?” He caressed the sides of your face to give you even more careful kisses; they weren’t needy anymore, but this time more caring and passionate. Hell, he didn’t even know you but he kissed you like he loved you.
“You want me to do you now?”
“Not yet, you’re still coming down, I don’t wanna ruin this for you.”
“ ‘Kay.” This time you were the one to lean in to keep kissing him. His lips curled into a smile against yours.
Changbin unbuttoned your cropped shirt, then took off his all of his clothes after. He laid down next to you, both of you completely bare and the warmth of his mouth found yours once again. Maybe it was just because you had just cum because of him, but the sense of closeness that you felt to him made you feel impossibly safe. You could have kissed him like this forever.
“You’re perfect.” He whispered onto your lips between kisses.
You slung one of your legs over his hips and his member twitched on your stomach. You had come down enough.
“My turn now?”
“I wouldn’t object to that.” He grinned.
The bed sheets crinkled a little as you descended farther down the bed and he sat his back against the wall. You got your first proper chance to look at his full length: veiny and perfectly thick, dripping just a little with pre-cum. You could only imagine what it would feel like inside you. Changbin’s eyes followed as you wrapped your hand around him and teased the tip with your pointer finger. You licked fat strokes up and down the sides, feeling him hardening even more. The saliva gathered in your mouth seeing the head grow redder and redder. His chest shook with a broken sigh. You gave him one teasing squeeze that made him wince beautifully.
“Keep going.” He commanded, raking his fingers through your hair and gripping there.
“I don't need you to tell me that.” You hushed and flicked the tip of your tongue over his tip.
After he got to do all of his teasing, how come you didn’t get to do some too?
“Don’t make me make you.” He growled.
“Ooo scary.”
Your hand began to pump him and he relaxed, exhaling out with the trailing of his voice hiding his soft moans. Your free hand dug into the skin of his thigh, letting the sharp of your nails pepper little pink crescents. They were so perfect, you rewarded them with kisses and little bites while your hand kept pumping. Changbin’s fingers dug into your scalp needily.
He hissed out, “Give me your mouth.”
A surge of confidence swelled within you knowing he was completely in your control. “You aren’t even going to say please?”
“I don’t say please.”
“Then maybe I won’t suck you off then?”
A flash of betrayal ran across his smoky eyes. “What?!”
“Fine. I won’t make you say it.” You smirked and took him in generously, deeply, pushing down your tongue and taking him down your throat. You were just a little too ambitious: his length made you gag, but you swallowed down the reflex. Changbin’s head fell back and hit the wall.
“fuck yes.” The words escaped his tongue.
You grabbed at him and squeezed, hard, twisting him and flicking your wrist with each turn. He was delightfully hard in your mouth, and with each step closer he gasped out faster and faster. Your head bopped in your rhythm, still taking him in deeper with each move, chasing gags away just as fast as you got a new one. You would stop for a few seconds to let him quiver in your hand and he would groan out once your warmth disappeared.
“Not-not yet,” He gasped out and squirmed, then pushed you lightly off of him. He scrambled over to the beside again, throwing the drawer open and finding a condom which he tore open with his teeth, then impatiently rolled it over his pink length. He threw his body off the bed, grabbing at your hips to align you with the edge of the bed and situating himself between your legs. He was just as impatient when he took some lube into his hand to rub over his dick curled against his stomach. Changbin coaxed his dick into your opening, leaning down over your body with forearms resting on both sides of your head. Once the two of you were connected, you both let out sighs with the feeling consuming you. He filled you up so wholly, so deeply, it even hurt just a little bit, kind of like the first time.
“Baby you’re so tight.” He thrust in slow at first, exactly how he liked it. It felt fucking amazing when he stretched you out grinding his hips even in little to let your clit feel the sensation as well. He attached his lips with yours to lend them his warmth. Your arms latched around his neck and your legs around his waist as you pulled him in even closer. The heat from his sweating chest emanated on you. He started to pick up his pace, giving your g-spot attention again as he angled himself above you.
The two of you sucked in each other’s air as it lasted between your lips for only a few seconds. You moaned directly into his mouth hoping that it was enough to muffle the sound and he returned back with his own arousal spilling all over you and sticking on your tongue.
Changbin pulled away to shove your legs together and press against his torso, making you even tighter. He shut his eyes upon feeling it, focusing on nothing else but his thrusts. His forehead gathered with little beads of sweat and one fell down his brow.
His name flew off of your mouth naturally as he fucked into you, and your second orgasm pooled. His toned arms flexed from where he grabbed onto the bed and he choked out little airy gasps before announcing that he was about to cum.
“Cum inside me baby, fill me up...I’m all yours.”
Upon hearing your words, he set himself loose, pounding into you with astonishing speed doubling over you as he came, leaving himself inside to throb against your walls. There was something so primal inside of you that craved to feel his cum inside of you knowing that he wanted you, that he desired you and that you could unscrew him until he was vulnerable like this, all for you.
“Can we...stay like this for a little while?”
He chuckled a bit, and swept a few strands of your hair off of your face.
“You like how it feels like this then?”
“...yes.”
“Okay beautiful. Anything that you like, can I come back up first? Kinda hard to do it like this.”
You nodded and let himself get situated sitting on the bed, resting himself against the wall once more. Your bodies shivered as you sat back down on his softening dick, but it was the feeling of being connected to him that you craved. He traced his fingers up and down your back, his eyes full of admiration.
“You’re perfect.” He echoed.
“You hardly even know me.” Your fingers twirled his curly hair.
“You’re perfect.”
“Thank you...and...thank you for making me feel so good.”
“My pleasure,” He laughed out the words, “And yours too I guess.”
“Very funny.”
There he was, looking at you again like that. Like he loved you. He didn’t even know you. He didn’t know that things you had done; who you were.
“I’d like to get to know you though. If you’ll let me.”
╚ ——————————————— ╝
AHHHH so writing this I kinda fell in love with the potential for this plot, esp with the stuff with the readers history with Jisung???? SHould I make this a series???? Softdom!bin romancing us?? Let me knowwwww
#hell yes binnies thighsss#skz smut#stray kids smut#stray kids imagines#seo changbin#changbin smut#seo changbin smut#changbin x y/n#changbin x reader#changbin x female reader#stray kids oneshots#stray kids imagine#stray kids drabbles#softdom#kpop drabble#kpop imagine#kpop oneshot#spearb#hello stranger#bang chan#chan#lee felix#felix#han jisung#jisung
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