#I never understood why that was a thing anyway
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From Dare To You â
ìŹìŹì€



âa part two to love, lies, and sim jakeâ - enhypen campus series
đż After YN found out about the bet, Jake apologized, revealing he ended it before asking her out for real. Though hurt, she played along, but his constant effort and genuine care slowly broke through her walls, and trust began to rebuild between them.
đ·ïž - @kristynaaah @firstclassjaylee @sheseung @c9b7luv @bswrldd @kiikiisblog @memyselfandkoo @k1ttyjwon @bloomiize @titttuaf @sunghoon-cam @xnatqq @azzy02 @rairaiblog @chvconn3 @wonzzziezzzz @blvengene @gvtdoll @a3r4-for3ver @luvksnn @sunarin96 @aerispark @monoidol @starnaris @pinknjm @marimariiisblog @blckorchidd @pinknjm @melodiessvy @gyulune @marimariiisblog @bgyusgf @doririsstuff @enhastolemyheart @prkhoonlvr @miamoari @dearestdreamies
wc. 9.7k · masterlist · enha campus series · part one
You didnât plan to see him again so soon.
But there he was sitting alone on the bleachers behind the field after school, hunched forward with his elbows on his knees, eyes cast downward like the weight of the past few days was finally too heavy to carry. He looked smaller somehow. Not physically, but⊠quieter. Like the version of him who used to light up every room had dimmed.
You hesitated. Part of you wanted to turn back, to leave things unfinished and avoid another scene. But your feet moved anyway, slowly, carefully, until you were standing in front of him.
He looked up, his eyes meeting yours. For a second, nothing was saidâjust the breeze brushing past and the silence between two people who didnât know how to start again.
âI didnât know,â you said finally, voice soft. âAbout the bet. That you ended it.â
Jake stared at you for a moment, jaw tense, eyes tired. âWould it have changed anything if you did?â
You bit the inside of your cheek. âYeah. It wouldâve.â
He gave a small, humorless laugh, then looked away. âToo late now, huh?â
âNo,â you said quickly, sitting beside him before you could change your mind. âMaybe not.â
Jake didnât say anything at first. Then: âI was an idiot, YN. For agreeing to that bet in the first place. For not telling you sooner. I thought I could control itâmy feelings. Thought if I kept it casual, it wouldnât mess everything up. But then it stopped being casual, and I didnât know how to fix it without losing you.â
Your heart twisted. âWhy didnât you just tell me?â
âBecause I thought youâd never believe me,â he admitted. âAnd I didnât think I deserved a second chance. Iâve seen it happen to heeseung and it still keeps him up , I didnât wanna take the chance with you.â
Jake stared ahead at the empty field, jaw tight, like heâd run out of words to sayâor maybe like he was too afraid to say the wrong one.
You sat next to him, your voice low but sharp. âThen why did you come running back to me?â
His head turned toward you slowly. âBecause I couldnât stay away.â
You scoffed, shaking your head as a bitter laugh slipped past your lips. âRight. After everything. After the bet, after humiliating me in front of everyone, after pretending to careâŠâ
âI wasnât pretending,â Jake cut in, voice firmer now. âNot when I kissed you. Not when I asked you to be mine. Not when I stayed up all night hoping youâd text back.â
You looked away, jaw clenched. âYou made me feel like I was something to win.â
Jake exhaled hard, like the guilt had been burning in his lungs. âI know. And if I could take it back, I would. All of it. The joke, the dareâeverything that hurt you. But the way I feel about you now?â He looked at you then, eyes soft but intense. âThatâs never been a lie.â
You didnât respond right away. Your throat was tight, like the words wanted to come out but didnât know how.
Finally, you muttered, âI donât know if I can believe you.â
Jake nodded slowly, not pushing. âThen donât. Not yet. Just⊠let me show you.â
And for once, he didnât try to close the distance between you. He didnât reach out. He didnât beg.
He just sat there, quiet and waiting.
Like he finally understood that trust wasnât something he could ask forâhe had to earn it.
And so thatâs what he did.
The next couple of days, Jake didnât text you paragraphs or blow up your phone with apologies. He didnât show up unannounced or try to corner you in the hallways. He didnât force you to talk when you werenât ready.
Instead⊠he showed up differently.
He waited outside your classroom after the bell, never too close, never pushingâjust there. Quiet, patient, like a steady presence.
He started walking slower when he saw you down the hall, letting you pass instead of calling out your name.
He laughed a little softer when your friends made jokes, stealing glances your way but never trying to pull you in unless you wanted to be.
He wasnât perfect. He still fumbled sometimes, caught himself staring too long, said your name like it was still his favorite wordâbut he didnât try to take anything more than what you were willing to give.
And even if you didnât say much, even if your heart still felt bruised and hesitant, you noticed. You noticed it all.
Because Jake Sim wasnât trying to win a bet anymore.
He was trying to win you.
And this time, it wasnât about pride.
It wasnât about proving something to his friends.
It was about proving something to you.
That he was serious.
That he meant it.
That heâd stayâwithout the game.
It was subtle at first.
You didnât even realize the way your walls had started to shift until you caught yourself smiling at something he said in passing. Something stupidâprobably about his dog or how he nearly tripped over a soccer ball in gym. But your lips had curved before you could stop them, and when you realized he saw it, you quickly looked away.
Jake didnât call attention to it. He just smiled too. A quiet, knowing one. And kept walking.
Later, you found a note in your locker. No big dramatic gestureâjust a piece of notebook paper folded in half.
Hope todayâs better than yesterday. Thatâs all.
â J
You stared at it longer than youâd admit. Kept it tucked into your sleeve. Didnât text him, didnât mention it, but the knot in your chest loosenedâjust a little.
At lunch, Yuna nudged you. âHeâs trying,â she said gently, not with that sharp tone sheâd used before. âReally trying.â
You didnât answer. You just watched him from across the courtyard, laughing with Sunghoon and Jayâbut every now and then, glancing your way.
Like he was making sure you were still there.
By Thursday, you found yourself slowing your steps so he could catch up.
By Friday, you sat next to him during study period and pretended not to notice when his hand brushed against yours on the desk.
He didnât push. He didnât ask. He just looked at you with those soft, unguarded eyes and smiled like that moment was enough.
And somehowâŠ
For now, it was.
Saturday came, and with it, a text from Jake.
simjyn:
Hey. I was gonna go for a walk later. Clear my head. You donât have to come but⊠if you do, Iâll bring snacks.
You stared at the message for a good ten minutes. No pressure, no âwe need to talk,â no expectationsâjust Jake, being soft and careful. The kind of boy you werenât sure existed weeks ago.
You didnât reply right away. But a few hours later, there you wereâhoodie on, hands in your pockets, meeting him just down the block.
He grinned when he saw you. âYou came.â
You shrugged. âYou said snacks.â
He held up a bag of your favorite chips with a lopsided smile. âI donât lie about the important things.â
The two of you walked in comfortable silence for a while. The streets were quieter than usual, the air warm with the smell of spring. Every now and then your shoulders would brush, and each time, Jake would glance over, like he was still surprised you hadnât pulled away.
âI meant what I said,â he said eventually, voice softer than usual. âAbout showing you. I donât want to screw this up.â
You didnât answer at first. The sidewalk was cracked and uneven beneath your feet, like your thoughts.
Finally, you spoke. âYou already did screw it up, Jake.â
He flinched, just a little. But he nodded. âYeah. I know.â
You turned to him then. âSo donât just tell me. Show me. Keep showing me. Not just this week. Not just while you feel bad.â
Jake stopped walking. âI will.â
You searched his face for any sign of hesitation, but there wasnât any. Just him. Raw and real.
He took a careful step closer. âCan Iâ?â he started to ask, but stopped himself.
And for once, you closed the space between you.
Just a little. Just enough to let him know that maybeâmaybeâthis was the beginning of trust again.
Jake didnât touch you. He didnât try to hold your hand or pull you into some movie-perfect kiss. He just smiled, slow and genuine, like that one small step meant everything.
And honestly?
It kind of did.
The next week passed like the world had slowed downâbut in a good way.
There were no dramatic declarations, no big speeches. Just⊠Jake.
Sitting next to you during free period, not too close, but close enough.
Sliding you a note in class with the dumbest doodle imaginableâyour name in bubble letters with a little crown on top.
Sending you a playlist that started off upbeat and chaotic, but slowly drifted into soft, late-night kind of songs you didnât expect from him.
Smiling like he had a secret every time your eyes met in the hallway.
And you?
You found yourself waiting for it. For him.
You told yourself you were being cautious. That you hadnât forgiven him yet. That your heart was still bruised from what heâd done.
But when he laughed? It didnât hurt.
When he said your name? You didnât flinch.
And when you caught yourself smilingâagainâyou didnât look away this time.
It was Friday afternoon when he found you sitting alone near the back of the school garden. The spot you always went to when you needed to think.
He didnât say anything at first. Just sat down beside you and handed you an iced drinkâyour favorite.
âI like this,â he said after a minute, eyes on the sky. âJust⊠being here. With you. No pretending. No games.â
You didnât respond right away. The breeze was light, the sun warming your face.
âI still donât know if I trust you,â you said quietly.
Jake didnât flinch. âIâll wait until you do.â
You looked over at him. Really looked. And maybe for the first time, you believed it.
Not because of his words.
But because of how heâd changed when he stopped trying to win youâ
And started trying to deserve you.
So you leaned back, sipped your drink, and said nothing else.
But Jakeâs smile widened.
Because silence from you now?
Wasnât rejection.
It was peace.
And maybe, just maybe⊠it was the start of forgiveness.
By Monday, the whispers had started.
It wasnât just glances anymoreâit was full-on stares, hushed giggles, and not-so-subtle side-eyes when you walked into a room.
You were halfway to your seat in homeroom when you heard it.
âDo you think she did something to him?â
âShe had to. Thereâs no way Jake Sim justâchanges.â
âDude hasnât flirted with anyone in weeks. Not even once. Heâs not even posting thirst traps anymore.â
âThatâs, like, unheard of. What did she do? Put a spell on him?â
You rolled your eyes as you sat down, biting the inside of your cheek to keep from saying something.
Apparently, the student body couldnât comprehend that Jake Simâthe golden boy, the walking distraction, the schoolâs certified heartbreakerâmightâve just⊠grown up. Or fallen for someone. Or both.
You heard someone mutter behind you, âHonestly? Kind of iconic if she did. Like⊠imagine taming Jake.â
The seat beside you stayed empty. You glanced at it without meaning to.
Jakeâs chair. Still untouched. Still waiting for him to come back.
And even though you werenât sure what this was between you and him yetâor where it was goingâhearing the way people talked made you feel something you hadnât expected:
Protective.
Because sure, maybe Jake had been a reckless flirt once. Maybe he hadnât been the safest person to care about. But he was trying. He was changing.
And he deserved the chance to do that without being a punchline.
Even if you werenât ready to say it out loud, you knew it deep in your gutâ
Whatever you and Jake were building⊠it was already real enough for people to notice.
Back home, everything felt quieter without him.
You didnât realize how much space Jake had taken up in your day until he wasnât there to fill it. His empty seat in class, the silence where his random texts would pop up, the way your phone didnât light up with his name the second you unlocked itâit was strange.
You hated to admit it, but⊠you missed him.
More than you wanted to.
You found yourself hovering over his contact a dozen times, thumb lingering on the call button. What would you even say? You still didnât know how you felt. Still didnât know if you were ready to let yourself fully trust him again.
But that didnât stop your heart from aching.
So, one nightâwhen the silence in your room felt too loud and the thoughts in your head wouldnât shut upâyou caved. You tapped call.
It rang once. Twice.
ThenââHello?â
His voice was raspy, low. He sounded half-asleep. You glanced at the time. 4:02 AM in Australia.
âOh my godâJake, Iâm sorry,â you blurted. âI didnât mean to wake you up. Iâll call you back later, just go back to sleepââ
âNo,â he said quickly, voice still heavy with sleep but suddenly more alert. âNo, stay. Please. I wanna stay on the call. For you? Always.â
You went quiet, swallowing down the guilt that rose in your chest.
âAre you sure?â
âYeah,â he breathed, a smile tugging into his voice. âHearing your voice is already better than sleep.â
You let out a soft laugh, shaky and a little embarrassed. Then, without really meaning toâyou started talking.
Not about anything huge. Just the little stuff. The rumors at school. How Kazuha almost knocked over a vending machine trying to get a free soda. How the cafeteria ran out of your favorite chips and it weirdly ruined your day more than it shouldâve.
Jake didnât interrupt. Didnât talk over you. He just listenedâsoft, warm, awake only because you needed him.
And eventually, your words grew quieter. Slower.
âI didnât think Iâd miss you this much,â you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. âItâs stupid. After everything, I should still be mad. And I am. But⊠I miss you anyway.â
There was a pause. Then his voice, low and soft through the speaker:
âI miss you too. Every second. Even the ones Iâm supposed to be sleeping through.â
You smiled, curling deeper into your blanket, heart beating too fast for how calm your voice sounded.
Maybe this wasnât forgiveness.
Maybe it was just⊠a step toward it.
But for now, lying in bed and hearing his sleepy breath through the phoneâ
It was enough.
The next day, the evening settled in quietlyâsoft rain pattering against your window, the smell of shampoo still lingering in the air as you curled up in bed in your oversized hoodie. Hair damp, phone warm in your hand, you finally gave in and called him again.
Jake picked up almost instantly, like heâd been waiting.
The screen lit up with his face, a sleepy smile tugging at his lips. His hair was a little messy, eyes a little puffyâhe looked tired, but the kind of tired that made him look softer.
Then he paused.
You tilted your head. âWhat?â
Jake blinked, then bit his lip, trying not to grin. âNothing,â he said, voice all low and lazy. âYouâre just⊠cute like that.â
You rolled your eyes, pulling your hoodie closer. âLike what?â
He laughed quietly. âLike that. All soft and cozy. I dunno. Itâs justâŠâ He shrugged. âIâd like to see you in my hoodie one day.â
Your stomach did this stupid little flip, but you masked it with a scoff. âYouâd probably never get it back.â
âThatâs the point,â he said, eyes shining with something gentle.
You looked away for a second, trying not to let the smile winâbut it crept in anyway. You hated how easy it was to slip into this, how warm his voice made you feel even when you were still trying to protect your heart.
Still⊠you didnât change the subject.
Instead, Jake shifted the camera and suddenly, a golden blur popped into view.
âOh my god,â you said, sitting up. âIs that Layla?â
Jake beamed, gently scratching behind the ears of his border collie. âYup. Sheâs been sulking without me. But she likes calls with you.â
Layla barked softly, tail wagging, and it made something in you melt.
You smiled quietly. âSheâs so pretty.â
Jake looked back at the screen. âSheâd love you.â
You hesitated for a beat, watching him, the way his hand rested gently on Laylaâs fur, the way his face relaxed when he looked at you like thatâlike you were something precious.
âIâm still figuring things out,â you said softly.
Jake nodded without hesitation. âI know. And Iâll wait, remember?â
Your walls were still there. But they were softer now, worn down in places.
And maybe⊠just maybe⊠you were starting to believe he really meant it.
The next night, you werenât sure why your fingers moved so quickly to hit call.
Maybe it was the silence of your room again.
Maybe it was the way his name lingered in your head all day.
Or maybe⊠you just wanted to hear his voice.
Jake answered with that same smileâbright and sleepy and just for you.
âHey, pretty girl,â he said, voice a little hoarse, a little teasing. âYou always call me right before bed. Not that Iâm complaining.â
You rolled your eyes but couldnât hide the smile tugging at your lips. âMaybe I just like seeing Layla.â
Jake laughed, turning the camera to show Layla curled up at his feet. âShe missed you too.â
You hesitated for a second. Your heart picked up.
And before you could overthink it, before your brain could yell noâyou said it.
âI missed you,â you said quietly, voice softer than usual.
Jake blinked. His smile didnât falter, but you could see something shift behind his eyesâlike the words landed a little deeper than either of you expected.
âYou⊠what?â
You swallowed. âI said I missed you. Donât make me say it again.â
His lips curled into something warm and slow, something real. âYou have no idea how long Iâve been waiting to hear you say that.â
You looked away, cheeks heating. âDonât let it go to your head.â
âI wonât,â he said, still grinning. âBut just so you know⊠I missed you more.â
And just like that, something shifted.
Not huge, not loudâbut it was there.
A new softness in the way you looked at each other.
A new kind of trust threading its way through the call.
You still werenât all the way in.
But you were no longer holding all the way back either.
âThree more days,â Jake said through the screen, stretching his arms above his head with a groggy little yawn.
It was morning there, the sunlight barely creeping in through the curtains behind him, and his voice was still heavy with sleep. His hair was messy, sticking up in every direction, and you could hear Layla snoring faintly in the background.
You smiled at the sight, tucked under your blanket, phone propped up on your pillow.
âNot that Iâm counting,â he added, eyes flicking up to meet yours through the screen with a crooked grin.
You raised a brow. âYou literally said that exact thing yesterday. And the day before.â
âOkay, so maybe I am counting.â He shrugged, grin widening. âWhat can I say? I miss you.â
You rolled your eyes, but this time, you didnât try to hide your smile.
Jake leaned closer to the camera, as if trying to get a better look at you through the screen. âWhat about you?â
âWhat about me?â you said, playing dumb even though your heart was already speeding up.
He tilted his head, voice soft. âYou still miss me yet?â
You let a pause hang in the air for just a second longer than necessary before you whispered, âMaybe.â
Jake let out a low laugh, running a hand through his messy hair. âThatâs all I get? A maybe?â
You bit your lip, trying to look annoyed, but the truth was written all over your face. You missed him more than you wanted to admit, and saying it out loud felt like giving up the last bit of control you had left.
But still, you added, âThree more days.â
Jakeâs gaze softened. âYeah⊠three more days, and Iâm yours again.â
You looked at him, really looked at himâsleepy, sincere, and a little too perfect for his own good.
And in that moment, it hit you:
Maybe this was real after all.
And maybe⊠you were finally letting yourself believe it.
There was a soft knock on your doorâthree gentle taps, familiar and unhurried.
You peeled yourself off your bed, phone still warm in your hand from just hanging up with Jake. Padding over in your hoodie and socks, you opened the door.
Yuna stood there, arms crossed, an all-too-knowing smirk already forming on her face. âYouâve been on the phone every night,â she said, stepping inside without waiting for an invite. âI swear, I can hear you giggling through the wall.â
You flushed immediately. âI do not giggle.â
âSure,â she said, plopping down dramatically onto your bed. âJust like how youâre totally not falling for him again.â
You shut the door behind her with a sigh, leaning your back against it. âHeâs⊠different now. I donât know, Yuna. I canât explain it.â
Yuna looked at you for a long second, all the teasing melting into something more sincere.
âI believe heâs actually trying,â she said softly. âI do. Iâve been watching. Heâs not flirting with every girl in sight. He hasnât pulled one of his stupid âfuck boyâ games since the party. Heâs⊠quieter. Focused. On you.â
You bit your lip, walking over to sit next to her on the edge of the bed.
âBut Iâm still pissed,â she added, voice firmer now. âWhat he did to you? The bet? The way he played it at firstâthat wasnât okay. And I hate that you got caught up in it.â
âI know,â you said, eyes on your lap. âI hate it too. But itâs not like I didnât see it coming. I just⊠didnât expect him to change.â
Yuna was quiet for a second, then nudged your arm with hers. âYou donât have to forgive him all the way. Not yet. But youâre allowed to feel what you feel, okay? Even if itâs messy.â
You looked at herâyour best friend, the one who always had your back even when you were being stubbornâand nodded.
âThanks for not saying I told you so.â
âOh, I totally told you so,â Yuna said with a smirk. âBut Iâm saying it with love.â
You laughed, and for the first time in a while, it felt real.
Later that night, after Yuna had left with a dramatic âDonât stay up all night whispering sweet nothings,â you were back in bed, your thoughts buzzing.
You stared at your phone, thumb hovering over Jakeâs name. It felt different nowânot like you had to call him, but like⊠maybe you wanted to.
So you did.
The screen lit up, and after just one ring, his face appearedâeyes half-lidded, hoodie hood pulled halfway over his messy hair.
âHey,â he said, voice all gravel and sleep. âMissed me already?â
You snorted, shifting under your blanket. âItâs only been a few hours.â
Jake smiled lazily. âStill counts.â
You studied him quietly for a momentâhow tired he looked, how soft he sounded when he was with you. And for a second, it almost felt easy. Natural. As if things had always been like this between you.
âYuna and I talked,â you said.
Jake blinked more awake. âYeah? Whatâd she say?â
You shrugged. âShe still doesnât like what you did. But⊠she believes youâre trying.â
Jake leaned back against his pillows, hand dragging down his face. âI deserve that. I donât expect anyone to forgive me right away.â
There was a pause. His eyes flicked back to the screen. âBut you talked to her about me.â
You rolled your eyes playfully. âDonât get cocky.â
âIâm not,â he said, grinning. âJust⊠glad.â
You rested your cheek on your pillow, watching him through the screen. âI donât know whatâs going to happen when you come back.â
âI do,â he said. âIâm gonna see you. And Iâm gonna keep proving itâevery day. No games. Just me.â
Your heart did that thing againâthat annoying, traitorous flutterâbut you didnât stop it this time.
âThree days,â you whispered.
Jake smiled so softly it nearly knocked the air out of your lungs. âYeah. Three days.â
And even with all the scars and hesitationâŠ
You couldnât help but feel a little bit like you were finally getting your heart back.
Two more days.
Thatâs what youâd told yourself all morning.
Just two more days and heâd be back. Two more days and youâd see himâreally see himânot just on a screen.
But that night, something felt off.
Jake hadnât called.
Not even a text.
Not a âgood morningâ or a sleepy voice note. Nothing.
You tried to brush it off at first.
Heâs probably tired. Maybe busy with his family.
But the longer you stared at your phone, the more uneasy you felt.
You sent a message. Then another.
And when the little âDeliveredâ didnât change to âReadâ⊠you panicked.
You tried calling. Once. Twice. Then five more times.
Your fingers moved on their ownâFaceTime.
The screen rang for what felt like forever before finallyâ
Click.
His face appeared, flushed and damp, water still running faintly in the background. Steam curled around the edges of the screen, and his wet hair was slicked back. He was clearly still in the shower, the camera only catching his bare shoulders and face, butâ
âY/N?â Jake asked, breathless. âAre you okay? Whatâs wrong?â
Your words came out rushed. âWhatâs wrong with you? Why werenât you answering? I thoughtâ I donât know. I thought something happenedââ
Jake blinked fast, clearly still trying to process. âShit, Iâm sorry. I was in the shower. I left my phone on the counter but it wouldnât stop buzzingâI thought someone died.â
You breathed out a shaky laugh, rubbing your eyes. âYou scared me.â
He frowned, guilt all over his face. âI didnât mean to. I swear, I justâ I was in the middle of shampooing and suddenly itâs like twelve missed callsââ
âI thought something happened to you,â you admitted quietly, voice softer now.
Jakeâs brows knit together. He adjusted the phone slightlyâstill just his face and shoulders on screenâand his voice dipped low. âHey⊠Iâm okay. I promise. Youâre not overthinking, alright? I shouldâve texted you first. Thatâs on me.â
You nodded, but your heart was still racing.
He gave a crooked smile. âFor what itâs worth⊠Iâm kinda glad you spammed me.â
âWhy?â
âMeans you care,â he said simply. âThatâs all I ever wanted.â
You looked at him, steam rising around his face, eyes tired but warm.
âNext time,â you muttered, âat least answer before I have a meltdown.â
Jake chuckled. âDeal.â
And even though the call wasnât longâŠ
And even though he was still in Australia, two days awayâ
You went to bed that night with your heart just a little more at ease.
The next morning, sunlight filtered through your blinds as you sat cross-legged on your bed, phone propped up in front of you. Jakeâs sleepy face filled the screenâhis hair a little messy, eyes soft and hooded from just waking up. It was night over there, but he still looked wide awake for one reason only.
You.
âOkay,â you said, holding up two options. âSweater or hoodie?â
Jake squinted, rubbing at his eye. âWait, wait, go back to the blue one. The knit one.â
You held it up again, amused. âThis?â
âYeah,â he said, already smiling. âThat. With the jean shorts. Youâll look so good, I swear.â
You gave him a look. âYou didnât even see it on.â
âBabe,â he said, voice low and teasing, âI already know. Trust me.â
You rolled your eyes but tugged the sweater on anyway. It was cozy, a little oversized, sleeves dropping slightly past your wrists. Paired with your denim shorts and a quick glance in the mirrorâyou had to admit, he was right.
You turned back toward the screen to find Jake watching you with this quiet, lopsided grin on his face.
âWhat?â you asked, reaching for your mascara.
âNothing,â he said. âJust⊠youâre really pretty.â
Your hand paused mid-air. âShut up.â
âIâm serious,â he said, his voice softer now. âLike, stupid pretty.â
You bit back a smile and kept doing your makeup, feeling his gaze linger. He didnât say anything for a bit, just watched you brush and blend and put on lip balm.
âI donât care how jet-lagged I am tomorrow,â he said suddenly. âIâm staying up all night with you.â
You glanced at the screen.
He looked dead serious, head resting on his pillow but eyes locked on you.
âIâm gonna hug you so tight,â he said. âLike, refuse to let go tight. And kiss you until you tell me to stop.â
You pretended to be unbothered, but your smile gave you away.
He laughed gently. âThat a yes?â
You shook your head, cheeks warm. âWeâll see.â
Jake yawned and nestled deeper into his sheets. âOne more dayâŠâ
âOne more,â you echoed, slipping on your shoes.
And as you grabbed your bag and headed out the door, you couldnât help but feel the smallest flicker of excitement under your skin.
Just one more.
That whole day felt⊠weird. Good weird. Butterflies-in-your-stomach kind of weird.
Everything you didâwalking through the halls, sitting through class, zoning out during lunchâhad one repeating thought in the back of your mind: Jakeâs coming back today.
You werenât texting him much. Just a few updates here and there.
He sent you a photo of the plane window, captioned: Next stop: you.
And that alone had you stuffing your phone into your locker before you completely melted in front of everyone.
By the time school ended, your legs were bouncing nonstop on the bus ride home. You told yourself you were being chill. Normal. Totally not overthinking the fact that Jake Sim, the boy who once treated girls like trophies, who once made you a bet, was now someone you were waiting for.
And maybe even falling for.
You got home, changed into something a little more comfortable, and threw yourself on your bedâphone clutched in your hand like it was your lifeline.
Then, a text buzzed through:
@simjyn: Landed. Be at yours in 20. Donât freak out.
Your heart immediately started freaking out.
You sat up fast, checked your reflection in the mirror, and tried to tell yourself it wasnât that deep.
But it was.
Because this wasnât just any visit.
This was the first time you were going to see him since everythingâ
Since the bet, the heartbreak, the slow rebuild.
Since the quiet confessions and late night calls and the I miss yous.
This was real.
And you were about to find out just how real it truly felt⊠when he was standing right in front of you.
The next twenty minutes felt like an eternity. You paced around your room, picking up and putting down random thingsâyour phone, your makeup bag, your shoesâanything to distract yourself from the nervous energy building in your chest.
You had to keep reminding yourself to breathe. Itâs just Jake. Itâs just Jake.
But it wasnât just Jake, was it?
It was the Jake. The one youâd spent weeks on edge about. The one whoâd broken your heart and then somehow, miraculously, started piecing it back together. The one who told you things that made your stomach twist in ways you didnât want to admit.
The doorbell rang, sharp and sudden, making your heart jump into your throat.
You took a steadying breath and headed for the door, barely holding it together. When you opened it, Jake was standing there, grinning like he owned the world. His hair was a little messy, his eyes bright, and there was a certain softness to him that you hadnât expected.
âHey,â he said, voice low, a little hoarse from the travel. âMiss me?â
You just stared at him for a beat before a small laugh escaped your lips. âAre you really gonna ask that after everything?â
Jake stepped inside, closing the door behind him as he swept you into a hug. The warmth of his body was instantâfamiliar, comfortingâand for the first time in days, you felt like maybe this was right. Like maybe it wasnât a mistake to want him around.
âIâm sorry,â he said, his voice quiet now, like he was finally ready to admit it. âI know I messed up, but I really meant it when I said I wanted to try. Iâm here for you. I want this⊠with you.â
You pulled back slightly to look him in the eye, your heart still racing from the flood of emotions crashing over you.
âYouâre not just saying that because youâre back now?â you asked, unsure if you were ready to hear the answer.
Jakeâs hand cupped your cheek gently, his thumb brushing over your skin as if he was trying to memorize the feeling of you. âNo. Itâs not just because Iâm here. I was never going to get off the plane without making things right. I wanted to be here. For you. For us.â
You couldnât say anything, couldnât form the words you needed to say. Instead, you stood there, eyes locked on his, and let the silence speak for you.
Finally, Jake leaned in, pressing his forehead to yours. âSo, how about we just⊠try again? No games, no past stuff. Just us.â
You took in a shaky breath, then nodded.
âOkay,â you whispered.
Jake smiled, that familiar cocky grin back on his face, but there was something new in his eyesâsomething deeper. âGood,â he murmured before gently leaning in to kiss you.
It was soft, tentative at first, like he was waiting for permission. You let him, sinking into the kiss, and for that brief moment, it felt like all the tension and uncertainty of the past few weeks just melted away.
When he pulled back, he grinned again. âTomorrow, Iâm not jet-lagged. Weâre going out. Iâm taking you on a real date.â
You laughed softly, still in a daze from his kiss. âWhatâs a âreal dateâ to you?â
âDinner, movie, some late-night snacks, maybe another kiss or twoâŠâ Jake shrugged. âThe usual, but with less games.â
You smiled, the butterflies in your stomach fluttering in response. âI think I could get used to this.â
Jake just chuckled and pulled you close again, arms wrapping around you like he wasnât planning on letting go anytime soon.
For the first time in what felt like forever, you allowed yourself to relax into him, knowing that whatever came next, you were finally ready to let things unfold.
Jake stood by the door, his hands casually in his pockets, looking around your room like he was trying to make himself comfortable. His eyes settled on you, and there was that same soft look he always had when he wasnât being cocky or teasing.
âSo, uhâŠâ he started, rubbing the back of his neck, clearly a little unsure for the first time tonight. âIs Yuna here?â
You blinked, glancing toward the empty bed across the room. Yuna was out with her boyfriend, which left you alone in the apartment for the night. Youâd assumed it would just be the two of you hanging out, but the way Jake asked made your heart skip a beat.
âUh, no, sheâs out with her boyfriend for the night,â you replied, biting your lip. âWhy?â
Jake looked almost shy for a second, before shrugging. âWell, I was thinking⊠maybe I could stay here tonight?â His voice was hesitant, and for a moment, you werenât sure if he was asking because he really wanted to, or if it was just the most natural thing for him to do. But when his eyes met yours, there was a sincerity there that made your stomach flutter.
You froze, a nervous little laugh escaping your lips. Stay the night?
Youâd never had a guy stay over, especially not someone like Jakeâsomeone who had once seemed like the kind of guy whoâd never do anything that serious with someone. The idea of him being so close to you all night, even after everything, made your heart race. You couldnât lieâit made you feel⊠nervous.
âUh⊠yeah. Sure,â you said quietly, looking down at your feet, suddenly feeling shy.
Jake smiled, a bit relieved. âYou sure? I donât wanna make it awkward or anything, I just⊠Iâve missed being with you.â
Your heart melted at his words, but the nerves were still there, fluttering in your chest. âItâs not awkward,â you replied, glancing up at him. âI just⊠havenât really had anyone stay over before. Itâs⊠different.â
Jake stepped closer, his presence suddenly overwhelming in the best way. He reached for your hand and gently tugged you towards him, his smile soft and comforting. âWe donât have to do anything youâre not ready for, okay? I just wanna spend time with you. Just you and me.â
Your heart skipped a beat at his words. âOkayâŠâ you whispered, not sure what to expect, but feeling strangely calm in his arms.
Jakeâs lips pressed softly to your forehead, his hand still holding yours as he led you to the bed. âThen, how about we just watch a movie? You pick.â
You nodded, still feeling that little wave of nervousness, but somehow comforted by the way Jake treated you. This wasnât a game anymore, and maybe it wasnât the big leap youâd both once imagined. But it was a step, and that was enough.
As Jake settled next to you on the bed, you grabbed your remote and flipped through the options. He leaned against the headboard, pulling you closer, as you snuggled into his side, your heart beating just a little faster than normal.
You werenât sure what the future held, but right now, in this quiet moment with Jake, you were willing to let the night unfold however it came.
And, even if you were nervous, you didnât mind that he was here. With you.
The bed felt a little too big for just the two of you at first. You were trying to settle in, but your nerves kept making it awkward. You told yourself it would be fine, but the reality of him being hereâso close, sharing this space with youâwas a little more overwhelming than you expected.
Jake, on the other hand, was perfectly at ease. Heâd clearly been in similar situations before, and the way he moved around the bed, adjusting the pillows, grabbing the blanket to throw over both of you, was effortless. He wasnât even trying to be cautious. To him, it was just another night, another moment to relax.
You, on the other hand, lay stiff beside him, your back to him as you tried to make yourself comfortable without being too aware of his presence.
Then, you heard him yawn. âSo⊠not bad, huh?â he said casually, turning on his side to face you, his gaze sharp and mischievous. âI mean, I know youâre probably not used to me being here, but donât worry. Iâm a great bedmate.â
You snorted, rolling your eyes even though you couldnât hide a small smile. âYeah, sure. No more moving around, okay? Iâm trying to sleep.â
Jake grinned, clearly not even the slightest bit tired. âItâs only like 6 AM for me, babe. Itâs morning in Australia, so Iâm wide awake.â He paused for a second before adding, âAnd donât worry. Iâm not that bad. Iâll let you sleep.â
But he didnât.
The next few minutes were a blur of shifting blankets and restless movements. Every time you thought you might finally fall asleep, Jake would adjust, making sure you felt every inch of his presence next to you. It was like he was a human radiator.
He kept moving, lightly bumping into you, his arm brushing against yours as he stretched and shifted again. You groaned, turning onto your back, trying to get some space. But Jake had other plans.
âCâmon, you canât be mad at me forever,â he murmured, his fingers trailing over your cheek as he pinched it, all while giving you that infuriatingly sweet smile.
âJake, Iâm trying to sleep,â you snapped, your voice more irritated than you meant it to be.
âI know. Youâre cute when youâre grumpy.â He grinned and leaned in to pinch your other cheek. âYouâre like a little puppy when youâre all sleepy and mad.â
You huffed, swatting his hand away, but Jake only laughed softly, ignoring your protests. He pulled you in closer, wrapping his arms around you tightly, so there was no escape.
âWhat are you doing?â you muttered, fighting the urge to squirm out of his grip.
âIâm cuddling you. Isnât that what you do when youâre sleeping next to someone? Come on, you canât be mad at me. Itâs cute when youâre mad.â Jakeâs tone was teasing, almost too playful for how much he was invading your personal space.
You gritted your teeth, pushing at his chest weakly, but the more you tried to get away, the more he pulled you in. Eventually, you just gave up, sighing in frustration, the warmth of his embrace making you feel a little too comfortable despite your annoyance.
âSeriously, Jake, Iâm not in the mood for this,â you muttered, trying to wiggle free.
But instead of letting go, Jakeâs hand rested on the top of your head, gently stroking your hair, as if trying to soothe you. âShhh. Just relax, okay? Youâve had a rough couple of days. Let me take care of you.â
His words were soft and gentle, but the way he was treating you, so carefree and natural, made everything feel more intense.
You felt your face flush. God, why was he so affectionate?
Your body was tense, but Jake didnât seem to care. He continued his little âbabyingâ routine, pinching your cheeks again, running his hand down your arm. âYou really are cute when youâre trying to act tough.â
You shoved his hand away again. âStop!â you groaned, your face burning now, both from being flustered and from how absolutely done you were with his teasing. But even as you spoke, you couldnât help but feel your frustration shift into something else. The warmth of his closeness, the way he kept trying to make you laughâdespite how embarrassed you wereâit was impossible to ignore the fact that a part of you was starting to soften.
Jake seemed to sense that too, because his smile softened, and for a brief second, he pulled back just enough to look at you seriously. âOkay, okay. Iâll stop⊠for now,â he said, but there was a playful glint in his eyes that told you he was far from done.
âGood,â you muttered, turning to face the other side of the bed.
Jakeâs voice suddenly broke through the quiet, whining as he flopped onto his back. âIâm bored!â he groaned dramatically, his arms thrown wide as he stared up at the ceiling. âThis is so lame. Can we do something fun?â
The frustration that had been simmering inside you all night bubbled over. You were already feeling irritable from his constant moving around and messing with you, and now this? You turned on your side, facing him, opening your mouth to let him have it.
âWhat do you mean, bored? Youâre the one whoââ
Before you could even finish your sentence, Jake was already leaning in, his lips pressing urgently against yours, silencing whatever you were about to say. His kiss was sudden and intense, catching you completely off guard. The feeling of his lips on yours made everything in you freeze. You were mad, frustrated, confusedâand yet your body couldnât help but respond to him.
You pulled away, heart pounding, cheeks flushed. âWhat the hell, Jake?â you gasped, feeling a little more than just flustered.
Jake smirked, a glint of mischief dancing in his eyes. âShh,â he murmured, his voice low and playful. âYou were about to yell at me, werenât you? I just had to shut you up for a second.â
Before you could even process what was happening, he kissed you again. This time, it was slower, deeper, and when he pulled away, your lips felt tingling, your mind a little hazy.
But Jake wasnât done. His hands slid to your waist, and in one fluid movement, he was over you, his body hovering above yours. His eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that made your heart race, and his breath was coming out in soft pants.
âJake, wait, we canâtââ you tried to protest, but your voice faltered as his lips moved down to your neck, his body pressing closer to yours.
âIâve been waiting for this,â he murmured, his voice thick with something you couldnât quite place. He kissed you again, more passionately this time, as his hands moved to pull you even closer. Every touch, every kiss, only seemed to stir something deeper in you.
And even though you were still mad, flustered, and unsure, you couldnât deny how badly your body responded to his closeness. The kiss deepened, the air between you thick with tension and the weight of everything unsaid.
It was like you couldnât breathe without him, even as your mind screamed at you to pull away, to think clearly. But all you could focus on were his lips, his hands, and the way his body made yours burn with the kind of heat you hadnât expected.
And in that moment, everything else just seemed to fade away.
You pulled away from Jake just enough to catch your breath, your chest rising and falling rapidly. The heat between you was still lingering, and your heart was hammering in your chest.
âJake,â you whispered, your voice shaky. âDonât⊠donât leave any marks.â
Jake paused, looking down at you with a mischievous grin. âWhat, are you worried someoneâs gonna see? You know, itâll just be our little secret.â
You felt the tension rise in your chest. âJake, seriously. No marks.â
But he only smirked, brushing a strand of hair from your face. âToo late,â he said softly, pressing his lips to your neck again. His kiss was soft at first, but there was a quiet intensity behind it, his lips leaving a trail of heat.
You gasped, a shiver running down your spine. âJakeâŠâ you protested weakly, but his lips were already moving with more confidence, his hands gently pulling your body even closer to his.
âShh,â he murmured between kisses, his breath warm against your skin. âYouâre just too irresistible, you know that?â
You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to focus, but the way his mouth was slowly marking the sensitive skin of your neck made it hard to think. He didnât seem to care about your protests, and in a way, you didnât want him to. The moment was too intense for you to pull back now.
âJake, I said no marks,â you breathed, but your voice wavered as his lips pressed harder against the skin of your neck.
But Jakeâs grin never wavered as he kissed you once more. âIâll be gentle,â he whispered teasingly. âBut you know you like it.â
And before you could say anything else, he placed another kiss on your skin, and this time, it was more than just a light touchâit was deeper, more possessive.
You couldnât help but groan, your body reacting in ways you hadnât expected, and all of your careful reservations melted away beneath him.
Jake pulled away for a moment, his eyes dark with something you couldnât quite place. He gave you a slow, almost predatory grin before sitting up slightly. Without saying a word, he pulled his shirt off over his head, tossing it carelessly to the side.
Your breat caught in your throat as your eyes involuntarily roamed over his toned chest. It wasnât like you hadnât seen him shirtless before, but now⊠this felt different. The way his body moved, the way he stared down at you with that same confident smirkâsomething about it was making your pulse quicken.
He watched you carefully, gauging your reaction. âYou okay?â he asked, voice low, teasing.
You swallowed hard, trying to collect your thoughts, but they were all scrambled. âIâyeah,â you muttered, not entirely sure if you believed it yourself. You wanted to look away, to regain some control over the situation, but your eyes kept drifting back to his chest, his body in a way you couldnât quite pull yourself away from.
âGood,â Jake murmured, leaning back down toward you, his body pressing against yours once more. âBecause Iâm not done yet.â
You barely had time to process his words before his lips were on yours again, pulling you into another kiss that made it harder to think about anything else. The way his bare skin felt against yours, the warmth of his body, everything seemed to blur into a haze of desire and confusion.
Despite all the hesitation still lingering inside you, your body reacted instinctively, leaning into the kiss and feeling that undeniable pull toward him. And for a moment, everything elseâyour worries, your reservations, your doubtsâfaded into the background.
Jakeâs kiss deepened, the intensity of it making your pulse race, and you could feel every inch of him pressed against you. Your heart pounded in your chest, and despite your earlier protests, you couldnât stop yourself from responding. He was so close now, his body hovering above yours, the heat from his skin making you feel both excited and nervous.
His hands gently moved to your sides, his fingertips grazing the skin just beneath your shirt, sending a wave of electricity through your body. You wanted to pull back, to stop it before it went any further, but every part of youâevery instinctâwanted to stay.
âYou donât have to do anything youâre not ready for,â Jake murmured against your lips, as if sensing your hesitation. His voice was quieter now, softer, and you could feel the tenderness beneath the teasing tone.
You closed your eyes, trying to steady your breath. âI know,â you whispered back, your voice trembling slightly. But the tension was still there, between you both, thick and palpable.
Jake shifted slightly, lifting himself up just enough to look down at you. His hands gently cupped your face, his thumb brushing along your cheekbone. âI donât want to rush you,â he said seriously, his eyes searching yours for some kind of reassurance. âBut if youâre still unsure about anything⊠just say the word, and weâll stop.â
For a brief moment, you felt the weight of your emotions, the confusion swirling inside you. You wanted to trust him. Part of you did. But then the doubt crept inâhow much of this was him really caring about you? And how much was just him playing his usual game?
You tried to push those thoughts away, your hand reaching up to gently rest on his chest. âIâm just⊠trying to figure things out,â you confessed, your voice quiet but honest.
Jake gave you a small smile, his thumb now gently rubbing over your skin. âI get it. And Iâm here, okay? Whatever you need.â
And for the first time in a long while, you felt like maybe, just maybe, there was a chance things could be different between you two. The trust you had been struggling to build was fragile, but it was there. And despite everythingâdespite how complicated things had gottenâyou couldnât ignore the warmth that spread through you when you were with him.
âThanks,â you said softly, looking up at him. âIâm still figuring it out, but⊠I donât want to let you go.â
Jakeâs smile widened, his eyes softening as he leaned down to kiss you again, slower this time, as if trying to communicate everything he hadnât said with his actions. It wasnât perfect, and you werenât sure where things were headed, but for once, you let yourself believe that maybe this could be something worth fighting for.
The air was heavy with the quiet aftermath, both of you lying side by side in the tangled sheets, the room still filled with the lingering warmth of the moment. You didnât speak at first, unsure of how to break the silence. Your heart was still racing, the intensity of everything that had happened swirling in your mind, and a part of you felt vulnerable, exposed.
Jake lay on his back, one arm draped across his chest as he stared up at the ceiling, his chest rising and falling in slow, steady breaths. He seemed calm, but you could see the subtle shift in the way he was holding himself, like there was more going on behind his relaxed exterior than he was letting on.
You turned your head to look at him, your heart still pounding in your chest. âJakeâŠâ your voice was quiet, almost hesitant, like you werenât sure what you needed to say. You wanted to ask so many things, to know where you both stood now, but the words seemed stuck.
Jake turned his head to face you, his eyes meeting yours with a softness that you hadnât seen before. He smiled, though it was more subdued than his usual cocky grin. âYou okay?â he asked, his voice low and gentle, as if he was giving you space to process everything.
You nodded slowly, unsure of how to explain what you were feeling. âI think so,â you whispered, but the words still felt hollow, as if you didnât fully believe them yourself.
Jake reached out, brushing a strand of hair from your face, his touch surprisingly tender. âYou donât have to say anything if youâre not ready,â he murmured, his thumb lightly grazing your cheek. âBut Iâm here. And I meant what I said. I donât want to rush you into anything.â
You looked up at him, feeling the warmth of his words sink in, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt a little more grounded. Maybe you didnât have all the answers, and maybe this wasnât perfect, but you werenât as afraid anymore.
âThanks,â you said softly, your voice barely a whisper.
Jakeâs smile grew, and he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. âYou donât have to thank me. I just want you to be happy,â he murmured.
For a moment, everything was still, the only sound the faint hum of the night outside. It was messy, and maybe you werenât ready to give everything over just yet, but you knew one thingâthings with Jake were no longer the same. Whether that was a good or bad thing, you werenât entirely sure, but for now, it felt real.
And for the first time in a long while, you let yourself believe that maybe that was enough.
The peaceful silence that had settled between you and Jake was abruptly shattered by the sound of a door creaking open, followed by the unmistakable click of a lock being turned. You both froze, panic and confusion flashing across your faces.
The door swung open, and to your horror, Yuna and her boyfriend, Mark, stood in the doorway, eyes wide with shock. Yunaâs face was a mix of disbelief and surprise, while Markâs expression was one of utter confusion.
âWhat the hell?â Yunaâs voice was sharp, but still laced with the shock of what she was seeing. âItâs three in the morning, why the hell are you twoâ?â
You scrambled to sit up, suddenly feeling exposed in a way you never thought possible. Jake, always cool and collected, sat up quickly too, his face just as surprised. He looked at you, then back at Yuna and Mark, clearly trying to gauge the situation.
âYuna,â you stammered, your voice betraying the chaos that was suddenly consuming you. âI⊠um, itâs not what you think.â
Mark looked between the two of you, eyebrows raised. âY/n and JakeâŠsuch a weird combo. Whatâs going on?â
Yuna stood frozen for a moment, then slowly closed the door behind her, her eyes never leaving you. âThis is⊠Wow,â she muttered under her breath. âWe shouldâve knocked.â
âYuna, itâs⊠itâs not like that,â you said, your words coming out rushed, a little too desperate for comfort.
Jake was the first to break the tension, his usual cocky grin slipping back onto his face. âNo, actually, itâs exactly like that,â he said with a shrug, leaning back against the headboard, his tone casual as though it didnât faze him in the slightest. âBut, uh, a little privacy wouldnât hurt next time, right?â
Yunaâs gaze flickered between the two of you, her face still unreadable, but Markâs expression turned more thoughtful. âAlright, well, we can talk about this later,â he said, stepping back toward the door. âBut seriously, next time, maybe lock it, yeah?â
Before either of you could respond, they turned and walked out, leaving you alone in the room again. The door clicked shut behind them, but the silence felt deafening now, far more overwhelming than before.
You let out a breath, your heart still racing. This wasnât how you imagined the night going, but then again, nothing about this situation had been how you expected.
Jake leaned over, a playful smirk on his lips. âWell, that was a nice surprise, huh?â
You shot him a look, still feeling a little dazed. âI think I just want to sleep now,â you muttered, pulling the covers up around you, your face flushed with embarrassment.
Jake just chuckled, his hand resting on your arm. âI donât blame you,â he said softly. âWeâve had enough excitement for one night.â
But even as you tried to settle back into the quiet, the strange events of the evening felt like a reminder of how everything between you had shifted. Whether it was for better or worse, you didnât know yet. But one thing was for sure: it wasnât over.
enha campus series
#enhypen campus series#enhypen#enhypen x reader#jake fluff#jake#jake angst#jake imagines#jake headcanons#jake ff#jake smut#jake au#jake fanfic#jake x reader#jake sim#enhypen jake#sim jake smau#sim jake x you#sim jaeyun x reader#sim jake x reader#sim jaeyun#sim jake#sim jake soft hours#enha jaeyun#enhypen jaeyun#jaeyun x reader#jaeyun imagines#jaeyun scenarios#jaeyun angst#jaeyun fluff#jaeyun smut
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[MEANS I CARE!]
đđđđđđđ: isack is entirely confused why his best friend is avoiding him. or in which you realised you're in love with your best friend.
đđđđđđđđ: childhood friends to lovers, mostly angst, bits of fluff, a reader with dismissive avoidant attachment, reader struggles with her emotions, initial anger from confrontational!isack but overall caring!isack, cute love confession at the end! // poorly proof read as usual
đđđđđđđ: isack hadjar x bsf!fem!reader
đđđđ đđđđđ: 2.2k
đ/đ: poured a bit of myself into this one! it's hard to tell from my writing, but i struggle with expressing my emotions and telling people i care for them. i've heard it's quite common for older sisters to have avoidant attachment issues so... i guess i check the box âĄÌ anyway, this one might be a tad bit dramatic but lmk what you think! âĄïž // also miss mcrae's album has a lot of avoidant attachment!!
đđđđđđđđđđ
You and Isack were opposites in every sense that mattered.
Where one would claim he was too expressive, you couldn't bring yourself to show you cared.
Where he was indecisive, you held all rationality.
And where he trusted freely, you locked yourself up.
But nevertheless, you had been childhood friends since he moved next door to you. Neither of you had a problem with the way you both acted. It was sort of like give and take: where you lacked, he made up for it and vice versa.
It never really mattered. At least that's what you thought anyways.
This year was different from every other. There would be no other like it. Because Isack was debuting as a Formula One driver. His life long dream. And you couldn't be anymore proud.
You didn't outright say itïżœïżœyou couldn't. You remember smiling when he told you and saying congratulations before Isack simply rolled his eyes and pulled you into a hug.
You remembered him thanking you when you pulled away, stomach churning at the lengthy hug. You were confused. Eyebrows furrowed, you asked why.
"For believing in me," he said with the most beautiful smile and the warmest brown eyes holding your own.
That was the defining moment... the moment you realised you were in love with your best friend.
There were signs. There were always signs.
Your extensive care for him and only him. The constant worry every time he went out on track. The small skip in your heart beat when he'd return home with your favourite ice cream. Your slight amusement when you'd pretend to be cross with him and he'd think you were being serious. The little trinkets he'd bring back from every race to put on the shelves in your bedroom. Or the way he lowered the volume of the TV before you'd even ask him to because he knew you didn't like it.
They were always there. But the line between best friends and whatever... it was so similar... so blurry. How could you've ever known?
But that day... it was like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over your head and reality had finally been opened to you.
You loved Isack. Not liked. Not admired. Not fancied. Loved. And you had been for years.
God it scared you. It terrified you.
People never said it to you but you knew how you were.
When you invested too much of yourself into one thing, you stopped it only moments later. You didn't want to stick around to see if something would be good. It was the assumption it would hurt. So if you could dismiss it before it even had the chance to... that's the only way you could ever relax.
You never understood how people did it. How you could give so much of yourself away. What happened when it all inevitably failed? Why wouldn't you protect yourself first? Why did you have to deal with the mess of emotions?
Loving Isack... it meant showing the most vulnerable sides of yourself. And it's not that he didn't know you. He was your best friend, of course he knew you. But that made it worse.
In your years of friendship, you had cried twice in front of him. And you hated it every single second of it. That he could see you break down. That you weren't the strong friend he normally relied on.
Loving Isack was going to fail.
You knew it.
You knew it when he crashed in the formation lap on Australia and it felt like a part of you had been ripped and torn into pieces when you saw him cry on the screens.
You knew it when he came to you, thought to be out of tears, but almost on his knees, hands immediately wrapping around you for a hug, asking you why this had happened to him and you couldn't do anything but apologise to him and tell him he'd come back stronger while you cried so silently.
When his parents thanked you for being there for Isack... fuck, you knew it would all backfire.
So you slowly stopped. Like you always did.
Fewer texts. Fewer jokes. More lies. Forcing yourself to do somethingâanythingâelse but care too much.
You hated it. You hated that it was bringing you some calm despite your body screaming at you.
It was getting difficult to keep it up. How many more times would you blamed it on the time zones? As if you hadn't memorised them the moment they came out. As if you hadn't been doing this his entire career.
But the small break after the Saudi Grand Prix meant Isack was back home. After you had missed your usual good luck text.
You had forgotten actually. You were in your room, studying quietly, unaware anyone would be home as your workaholic parents were out like normal.
Consequently, the thumps up your staircase were loud, almost deafening. Your ears perked up as the door of your bedroom went wide open.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Isack's shrill voice echoed in your bedroom, chest heaving as he stood in front of you, arms firmly to his side.
You turned from your desk. You eyed his attire briefly. The hoodie and sweatpants, the bags under his eyes... he'd probably just come from the airport. The one where you'd usually be waiting for him. "Excuse me?" You asked, throat dry from not speaking in hours.
Isack blinked, swallowing. He took a step forward to you, eyes flickering over you rapidly to see if you were okay. "Is something wrong? A-Are you sick? Are you stressed? Tell me what's wrong so I can fix it."
You could feel it. The tear in your heart growing while annoyance boiled under your skin. He didn't need to fix you. That was your job.
"I... I don't know what you're talking about," you sighed out, standing from your desk before you walked to your shelves. You chewed on your lip, nervously eyeing the trinkets Isack had brought you.
You needed this conversation to be over before it went somewhere else.
"Putain de merde," Isack swore, running a hand through his hair. He walked to you again. "Like hell you don't... you don't talk to me for a week and avoid my calls and you don't know what Iâm talking about? Like I'm crazy?" He asked with a small scoff.
You sucked in a sharp breath, turning to face him. "I told you with the time diffâ"
A loud groan interrupted your sentence. Isack breathed slowly, fingers pressed on his nose bridge. "I swear to fucking God, if you mention that stupid fucking time difference again, I will lose my mind."
You stayed quiet. You weren't sure what to say. You wanted to peel out of your skin, you were so uncomfortable. You hated confrontation. Isack knew you hated confrontation. And yet...
Isack sighed quietly. He stepped closer to you, holding your hands with his gently. "Please, ma moitié. Please tell me what's wrong. Did I do something? Why... why won't you talk to me?"
Your eyes burned at the crack in his voice. Fuck, this sucked. You hated yourself for feeling like this. It was like it was on the tip of your tongue but you could never get it out.
"I..." you said shakily, forcing yourself to remove your burning hands from his while you pretended like you didn't see the hurt flash in his eyes, "It's nothing. Nothing is wrong."
"So it is something. Something has been bothering you. Since last year... since I told you about my seat... something's been wrong. What is it? What happened?" Isack queried softly, brown eyes searching yours so deeply for an answer.
He noticed. Of course he did.
Shit.
"You know you can tell me anything."
But I can't! You wanted to scream it. You just couldn't tell him.
"Isack, please... justïżœïżœïżœ you know how I am. I'll deal with it, hmm?" You said, trying to muster up a smile.
He stared at you quietly and you were scared he was seeing too much of you. The debate in his eyes... the way he chewed his lip... he also couldn't tell if he should say it.
"You want to cry," he stated, making your eyes widen. "I can see it in your eyes. The redness. Your red cheeks. You want to say something so just say it! I'm worried for you."
"Stop saying things like that." You let out an exasperated groan. You brushed past him, clambering into his shoulder. "I don't understand how you do it," you murmured angrily more to yourself than him.
The tears were freely flowing down your cheeks before you knew it. You glared hard at your desk, eyes hot as though it would stop you from crying.
You couldn't see it but Isack could feel his heart breaking at the sight of your figure shaking. You could feel him gently lay his hand over your shoulder. "It's okay to cry," he mumbled, "I wish you wouldn't hide it."
You felt sick. Like your stomach was churning. It felt like his hand was leaving an imprint on you, searing you. Exhaustion was clouding your body. Exhaustion that had built up over the course of the past few weeks.
"I can't do it like you, Isack. I can't show I care. It's so hard. It's like I have to constantly fight myself," you quietly said, unable to bear this any longer.
"Hey," Isack murmured, hand travelling to your face to turn you to him. His eyes softened at your wet cheeks. Wiping them with the pads of his thumbs, he held your chin with his thumb. "It's okay. You don't have to do anything like me. Take your time. Do what you want when you want."
You breathed quietly while you stared at your best friend. He was right. It wasn't as easy as he made it sound, but you were so tired of feeling like crap. You focused on his encouraging smile and opened your mouth.
"I... you were right. I was avoiding you," you admitted, eyes falling to the floor in embarrassment. You could feel he wanted to say something but he stayed quiet, waiting for you. "I was avoiding you because I care."
Isack furrowed his brows. "I don't understand."
You chewed on your bottom lip, contemplating how much you wanted to say... how much you could say. "Last year... when you told me you got your seat, you thanked me."
He nodded in agreement. "For believing in me. Because you always do," he murmured, his free hand rubbing your own softly, comforting you.
You smiled gently at his words before taking in a sharp intake of air. "It just made me think, well, realise that I'm in love with you. And I always have been," you breathed out, the weight slowly lifting off your shoulders.
You could see Isack's eyes slightly widen but you continued. "And that terrifies me, Isack. Because it means I care. I care a lot for you. And I'm scared that because I care, something will go wrong. I-I didn't mean to shut you out. It's not what I want. It's just all I know. So I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I'm dumping this on you when you don't feel the same way andâ"
"Wait, wait, wait," Isack interjected, hands both reaching to hold your face gently. He held your eyes with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine. "Who's says I don't feel the same way?"
You mouth felt dry, heart speeding. "I... You do?"
Isack smiled, laughing softly as he nodded. "I thought it was obvious. That maybe you just didn't feel the same way."
He watched a dark expression fall on your face. You were in that same dreadful space you had just been in. "Hey, ma moitié, what's wrong?"
Your eyes fell to his once again. "What if I can't love you enough?"
It sounded strange but he knew what you meant. Even with all your care... what if you couldn't show you loved him enough? What if you couldn't express it?
"Not possible," Isack retorted, casually shrugging.
"But Iâ"
"I see it," Isack firmly told you, quietening you easily. "I see it when you're at my races and you stand on the side, letting me go to my parents first. I see you and your camera taking pictures of us when you think I don't. I see your heart. I see all of it."
You blinked, eyes burning all over again. For the first time in forever, you stepped forward, hugging him tightly. "Je tâaime, Isack.
His arms wrapped around yours, holding you closer to him. Isack smiled, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "Je tâaime, ma moitiĂ©."
"Did you bring me any souvenirs?" You mumbled against his shoulders, sniffling slightly.
You could feel his body rumble with a chuckle. "Depends. did you even watch my race or were you busy 'sleeping?'"
You pulled away, making a face, guilt still swirling within you. "I did watch it. You know I watch it even when I'm mad at you," you pouted.
Isack grinned. "Then of course I did."
© đđđđđđđđđđđđđđđ
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I'm curious about something you mentioned in the response to an earlier ask. What did you mean when you said that many articles about Rothko use pictures he didn't paint?? Are there other artists painting in his style that people mistake for him??
(Also, I never really understood Rothkos until I learned to appreciate them through your blog!! Thank you for opening up a whole new world to me!! It's really great that you share your love for them with others!!)
Well it's just an Internet thing. The New York Times probably isn't going to have a fake Rothko painting and certainly not a museum although they have been known to have them upside down occasionally. But writers that write about a variety of art things and popular blogs and substacks and so forth often are just googling for images to use and they find images that actually aren't his real paintings they just look like the same style and they don't know any better.
A lot of this is the Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest triangle where dreams go to die. By the time somebody takes it from some website and puts it on Facebook it never has any attribution and the way the search engines work, someone will tag something Rothko that reminds them of Rothko or maybe they painted it themselves as a tribute and then it gets put up in one of those places as the real thing. It's usually in the same style and people do it on Tumblr all the time.
It's really nobody's fault, it used to happen to me sometimes when I started, I was too trusting about the information that people attached to things, just figuring that I was no expert so who was I to say. Sometimes it is puzzling to me because through my eyes some paintings just don't look at all like his paintings and I am surprised they are mistaken for them. There's a Barnett Newman that was regularly credited to Rothko, and I'm not sure why, it doesn't look anything like a Rothko. And there are some famous paintings even or paintings by pretty well-known artists which might be a tribute and get lost in the shuffle.
I'm sure I'm annoying when I'm always trying to correct people, and people never read the comments on their posts anyway it seems (either that or they're ignoring me because I'm a nuisance).
ïżŒ The thing about all this is that it's very Internet type of behavior like the way that people will Photoshop a painting sometimes. It's a trend I don't like but I would offer as an example that the most popular picture of Rothko on the Internet has been colorized. To me that's insane because he standing in front of the painting which is also colorized asked.
One time on Instagram, when telling somebody that put it up, they told me that they had seen the painting and it was pretty close. It was not pretty close, unless you consider red and orange to be the same color.
Add to this the fact that the most popular picture of Rothkos studio is the set of a play complete with a fake painting at the stage hands probably painted to look like it was in progress and it's constantly passed off as a picture of his working studio.
On Instagram people will tag me in videos they make about Rothko which are very well intentioned like little historical tidbits of some famous part of his life because it's an art account that tries to feature different artists but my heart always sinks when they use one of those pictures because I don't want to be a dick about it but the reason it's this way is no one ever corrects them. There's probably no real harm in it but I'm neurotic.
Thanks for writing and for your nice words
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i have a lot of questions about the daredevil finale and none of them are to the tune of âomg how intriguing! whatâs gonna happen next??â
spoilers below
iâll preface by saying that i do not like the way they used this whole first season just to set up the next one and that may have me biased negatively towards the whole show.
first and foremost: why exactly was fisk acquitted?? vanessa said something about âagent nadeem and the FBI scandalâ which i can only assume refers to the events of s3. but how would that lead to an acquittal??? the whole scandal was WHY he was arrested again. are they really not gonna elaborate on that??
the other thing is the motive behind having foggy killed. he had found out that the red hook port area was outside of NY and US jurisdiction and was going to use that knowledge to get his clientâs robbery charge dismissed. (right? thatâs how i understood it) the fisks and their criminal underground had been taking advantage of the free port for their business. so is the thought that foggy exposing this charter from the 1800s would put the area under some sort of investigation or scrutiny? or that the jurisdiction laws would be changed? bc otherwise youâd think the fisks would happily take their get out of jail free card.
also iâve had this question from the beginning: why would there only be a hit out on foggy? nelson murdock and page presumably works on cases together, so why would anyone think that ONLY foggy knew about the port? youâd think vanessa would want to take out all of them just to be sure. (unless matt fighting back interrupted that plan?)
why exactly did they leave frank alive? i mean iâm not mad about it! i donât want him dead! but that cop that shot him a few times couldâve very easily just blown his head off, and again later when heâs restrained.
how is NYC under martial law and all these council members and such âmissingâ and the state has no idea?? i know gallo never made it to albany but surely someone at the state level has taken notice? at least of the blackout and the rioting/looting? btw why did fisk lock those people up - he already has them under his thumb with threats and blackmail soooo (also i straight up laughed when fisk announced the 8pm curfew. like yea sure pal)
hereâs another one thatâs been bothering me all season: what the hell is heatherâs deal?? we donât know shit about her. why tf does she hate vigilantes so much? HOW does she not understand mattâs hatred and distrust of fisk?? she KNOWS his firm was responsible for taking down fisk twice, and iâm sure is at least somewhat privy to how fisk operates, considering how very publicly his crimes were exposed. so??? is she just a shitty person or??? AND ok i know she was mad at matt and hurt and all, but girl their apartment was blown up!!!! is she not concerned at all about that??? hello???
btw i realized that we never saw the aftermath of buck failing to kill matt at the hospital and then the task force at his apartment. i expected to see fiskâs reaction to that. fisk didnât have any interaction with frank either even though they have history. (i guess this isnât too important but idk he clearly made it a point to make sure matt/daredevil was killed, so youâd think weâd see his ~displeasure~ at that failing)
ok anyway rant over i guess
#ok but fr if anyone can answer the first one thatâd be great#the second one too tbh#daredevil#daredevil born again#daredevil born again spoilers#daredevil spoilers#marvel
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In Search of Her
Chapter 1: Saying Goodbye
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
 âHey, I'm not leaving forever, I'll be visiting someday, in the meantime.. Take thisâ
Â
Tess Doorman removed her favorite hazard sign necklace and put it around her little brothers neck, she had already packed up her things, said goodbye to her parents and friends, now..she is saying goodbye to her little brother, Colt, the one who looked up to her the most. It broke her core seeing his little face so darkened by sadness instead of his usual, bright self.Â
âI will never take it off..neverâ The small drones voice cracked, he didn't want his other big sister to leave too.. Aleu already left, why did Tess have to go as well? It wasn't fair! Without hesitation, he lunged forward with his lanky, metallic arms-holding tight around the torso and refusing to let her go.Â
 âPlease Tess! Don't go, I can't lose you too! â Colt looked up, tears welling up in his digital eyes. It only made this harder for Tess, Tears forming at the corners as she scooped him in her arms and held the little boy close. If onlyâŠshe could take him with her she would. Unfortunately with something like this- its too dangerous.Â
 âI'm so sorry Colt. I have to, I have to go, I'm going to find her and bring her home okay..? I will come back to visit- I'll do my best to keep in touch. I promise Colt..â Tess pressed her head to his, feeling his little body quiver. For a little moment..just a moment, she held him.Â
 Until a knock broke it, and N peeked through. âThe ship has arrived..just thought I'd let you know!..â Despite his smile, there was the obvious sadness in his tone. Its really hard to lose one kid and watch another leave, he and Uzi understood this decision and support it. Just..gonna hurt, you know?
âThanks- Dad. Would you like to walk with me?â Tess looked up to her father with her honey colored eyes, just like his. N grinned and nodded , holding his hand out towards his daughter, and squeezed gently the moment she took it. Uzi was outside the bunker with khan and Nori, Even V and Lizzy cane out as well...waiting to say their final goodbyes.Â
 Side by side, N and Tess walked, Colt curled in her arm, not ready to let her go just yet, not even when they went outside in the harsh cold of the outside world. Not even letting go when Tess hugged her grandparents and mother, who slightly pulled her down face to face due to Tess being slightly taller.Â
 âBe safe Tess..and if you do find Aleu.. You grab her by the âscruffâ and drag her home if you have to!â The purple drone said, finally letting her go, letting V through to say bye, then Lizzy, and finally..a goodbye to Colt yet again.Â
 Tess set Colt down, kneeling to his level as she held his face in her hands. âyou be good now..don't be too much of a menace while I'm gone .. And, I will see you again..Goodbye, ColtâÂ
  âGoodbyeâŠTessâŠâA whine escaped him, he reached out to hug one last time before being pulled back gently by N, now all he could do was watch her step into the ship.Â
Â
 Tess took one last glance at them, and saluted, everyone else saluted back before the doors close..and the ship took off.Â
The drone frowned and took a seat at the panel, right next to the pilot.. Whoever it was. Certainly not someone she knew..why could she not be pilot? N taught her many things! Ah Bites..Best to keep quiet. They did have to make a stop to the Surviving Humans Society anyways, talk with the leader..or whatever . only been to S.H.S to visit Tessa and J and meet their daughter Rose. Not really knowing this leader due to her being soâŠbusyâŠÂ
 Something about this leader sent a chill down her spine, and the hit of nervousness crashed into her core. Barely even knows this woman and yet she wants to help. Wondering if Tessa or J informed her of the event..
However, the thought came to her mind as she looked through the window of the ship..something that has been biting her way more than auntie Cyntail.Â
 Is it not strange that S.H.S showed up a week before Aleu went missing ? It can't be a coincidence right? Maybe its just her distrust and paranoia around humans..or there is something else lying within.Â
End of chapter 1
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I never know the 'best' way to post these, but: 5 page comic. Thorfinn 'no you!'-ing his way into a regular gig
Vaguely a stream of consciousness and tonally inconsistent continuation off this other comic
#ok but i needta whine and whinge its whinging hours ok? ok#no ones drawn consistently- the tones all over the place- i hate writing dialog- its all over wrought for what it is-#im never drawing a boat again- can you even tell its a monastery at the end??#and yeah it just chillin there on the water front in the late viking age is def not a thing- but shh its fine. its fine!#...ok . anyway! :D tags#vinland saga#thorfinn#bjorn#askeladd#the askedad agenda is getting to me though and i hate it#also i love drawin nugget-finn but i loathe giving askeladd his hailline back#also hope askeladd doesnt cone across as like money obsessed? i get hes not but that IS still why they do what they do#and i think from thorfinns perspective he may as well be#other thing. i like how bjorn and askeladd communicate by not fuckin communicating#i think its most overt in the manga when bjorn is asking askeladd to kill him but they do it all the time and i love it#and i wonder how much of it is understood and how much is presenting a front based on their read of the others front but like.#anyway i drew a dumb comic :U
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#calyrex#kinda never really understood or found out what was going on with this thing? dunno what they do or why#or why their head is so big. so much knowledge in there#i dunno. they probably have Some lore but i didn't invent it is for certain. they end up riding the horses at one point and that's#considered a whole different form? of those pokémon? makes me wonder if. they have any point in being separated?#if they're just objectively more powerful together it's like. WELL LIKE. nobody's even using these things anyway they're so forgettable#at least to me. i'm so sorry i just do not know anything about them and i don't think anybody else really cares about them#at least from what i've seen
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youtube
In case you missed it, Jaiden just uploaded a new video! Congrats to her for 10 years of beautiful, funny, and heartfelt storytime animations!
#Jaiden Animations#Jaiden#Jaiden was one of the first YouTubers I ever watched consistently#(The second; to be exact)#I literally never used to use YouTube. I don't know why it just didn't interest me#and the idea of following content creators was weird to me.#''Why be interested in them? They're just random people. I'm just watching their videos I don't really care who they are or what they do''#(I actually had that mindset until VERY recently)#The pandemic made me watch a lot more stuff and after getting my arm twisted by a friend into watching a certain SMP series#I started watching Phil + Techno because I liked their characters#then I was like ''Oh they're pretty funny people even outside of RP. I like them.''#and then I sorta understood why people liked creators for more than just their content#The parasocial thing is still odd to me#but I understand it better now and WHY it happens now that I'm closer to the whole content creator sphere than I was before#Anyways long tags. Go watch Jaiden's video#Youtube
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maybe itâs just because i didnât grow up in a family that watched the super bowl but every single year it takes me off guard. like i didnât know it was happening until 2 days ago and then suddenly everyone somehow knows about it and about taylor swift and the chiefs (?) and the store is out of chips and queso and thereâs no one on the road. like honest to god i do not understand whatâs so exciting about it. what happens if the team you like isnât one of the ones playing? are you still invested? do you watch just because itâs the thing to do? itâs so baffling
#sorry iâm aware this is probably an annoying thing to say#but i just honestly have never seen the appeal of football or understood why people enjoy watching it#like itâs not even visually appealing theyâre just running and pushing each otherđ#anyway.
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okay its no secret i dont buy into marazhai being the persona he puts on. so as i've officially met him in game now, im making a list of all the in-game reasons i think he's a bit of an idiot [which i love btw. i find him far more compelling if he's a bit stupid/weird and he's trying so hard not to be but you just know nobody in commorragh is inviting him to parties]
the very first time you get a glance of him on a rooftop and. 'deal with this' "of course" proceeds to just walk off like 3 seconds after the other two
ambushes you. has you cornered. is in optimal position to kick your ass frankly, high ground and better weapons and utilising shock against you. ...he bitches at you for a while, gets insulted, then runs off into the forest with a maniacal cackle
heinrix fired a mild insult [considering what he's like to everyone else its barely an insult] and he took big enough issue with it to start saying how he'll break him and turn him into a pet. oh sure dude you're responding super well to this mild comment from the guy who accidentally insults everyone and their entire ancestral line at some point
i think it says something that he's learned to speak your language fluently too. that Has to be some kind of Yikes moment to admit publicly in drukhari culture. buried family secret great great grandfather drukhari-georg learned to speak mon keigh and now we claim he just spoke oddly because was shot in the head as a child to prevent the shame
he also knows the mon keigh lore that says youre a super special little guy as rogue trader and actually LISTENS to the fact you're the special little guy as rogue trader. and he does treat you as more equal/with more respect than the other characters. thats not just a drukhari culture yikes thats what gets you checked for a concussion or brain damage
literally socially atrocious enough its believed he's working with you [read: with you. not using you, not manipulating, cooperating. this is a big difference i feel] and only he himself doesnt believe it
ignore the fact he eventually DOES work with you which. is its own follow up statement
challenges you to fight him, to give chase then and there. i made him wait while i went through english government simulator where i queued for multiple days, did multiple day/week voidship trips back and forth, got distracted by accidentally starting jae's romance, pasqal telling me to servitorise her, getting blackout drunk with her, shipwide broadcast tm, giving her a voidship, her getting me a space cat, attacked by pirates, dealt with a plague, explored a few extra systems.......................
he destroys your palace. ...its rebuilt effectively within a week. most of the damage is in bodies which are just sent to the poor district to rot [almost feels worse than the damage done good job imperium]
the throne has claw marks. he could've blown it up or shot it or piled corpses on it but no he wanted to sit on the fancy chair and so turned into a common housecat mauling the sofa arm
how long was he just sitting there lounging on that chair? again see how long i kept him waiting. he was just sitting there trying to find a comfy position on this [for him] kinda small chair JUST so he could briefly taunt, break your window with his space motorbike, jump off the chair in a dramatic [but not gunna lie not that impressive] feat of gymnastics, then fly out. he doesnt even shoot at you as he leaves
i will continue my list as i see more that entertain me
#warhammer rogue trader#rogue trader marazhai#marazhai rogue trader#marazhai aezyrraesh#dont listen to how he tries to portray himself hes LAME and i thoroughly enjoy that about him#like. marazhai is a social outcast on so many levels and he is trying SO hard to compensate. it makes him incredibly interesting#ive seen some stuff of him later on but not all that much so im really curious how it'll go/how well i've grasped him#my current thoughts on him? he's just. fundamentally someone who desperately wants to be understood#but in all his long life he's never found it. and commorragh isnt a place for weakness like that. so he acts over it#he pretends to be some great evil mastermind with a lot of flair which is Intentional. because he doesnt know how to act like other drukhar#so concealing that is the best he's got. he doesnt realise the yawning gaps that show it for what it is and bring distain on him anyway#drukhari hate him because he's not like them. he's odd and dramatic and takes things to heart when he shouldnt but dismisses things he shou#he's tolerated for his blood connections and how it killing him could be an invitation for feud. he's also easy to get out of the way#send him to go chat to some mon keigh he'll be so fixated on setting the stage for the meeting he'll miss the important stuff#humans hate him bc he's drukhari. they believe the way he portrays himself because it fits propaganda#hell he may've even learned how to act drukhari from human stories. it'd fit tbh. ....i want to think more on this now#either way he loses. and tbh thats why i do like the idea of him with pasqal. theyre both freaks and social outcasts despite their ranks#robot rambles
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I've sort of developed a strange relationship with the concept of "realism" in the things I make.
Something I was very into as like, an eleven year old (im not implying this was immature to be into, just that it was formative for me), was speculative biology specifically for dragons, and now, specifically in the case of dragons I find a lot of attempts to make them biologically plausible fully missing the appeal of dragons at all.
Thinking specifically about the supernatural elements of JoM and where the line is drawn. The dagnyds are made from the remains of godlike entities, and are not entirely earthly animals. They have a supernatural origin. It would be fully justified in giving them magic abilities or making magic an aspect of the setting, but have absolutely zero interest in doing so. It doesn't interest me. I think about shit like healing powers or glowy energy attacks and my reaction is just "what does this even add? Why do I need this? Does this make things more interesting?" And it simply doesn't. Healing is more interesting as a prolonged process, combat is more interesting with teeth and claws and metal and blood. These are options which are more realistic, closer to real life, but the realism isn't what makes them interesting: it's physicality.
When I design a creature for this world, I am not thinking about making it biologically plausible, and yet, I try to design things which look like they could 'move under their own power'. There is a sense of heft and mechanical "soundness" which I value more than realism, but often also aligns with looking 'realistic'.
I would say that it's better to serve a narrative than strive for absolute realism, but I don't actually write stories, although I do have ideas for them occasionally. I guess a version of this which is more relevant and applicable is that i prefer to strive for a particular vibe.
#extremely aimless post#what does this make me#a moderate? a centrist? god forbid#also does anyone else have the thing where they try and italicize a word and it works for a little bit and then decides actually you wanted#to italicize this whole paragraph right?#also grammar correct seems only there to try and obliterate the cadance of my sentences#anyways im not here for soft or hard scifi/fantasy/whatever make it al dente#With Teeth! ahaha#also part of why im sort of struggling with making my stuff into a game is i dont like the inherent abstraction of gameified mechanics#i also realized that i am fond of something like an RPG but find a lot of RPG mechanics sort of fluffy and superfluous. like was thinking#like i was thinking about a combat system and realized i dont actually care about this or think it's necessary? like constant pointless#small battles#in my setting which DOES have a magic system magic in that world is understood as like. a branch of science#on account of it being an observible tangible manipulatable aspect of the natural world its like lumped in with physical sciences instead of#arbitrarily being considered apart#ive also never been able to make somethething thats like fully a hard science fiction thing because the only science i care about is like.#biology
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Me: I am interested in judaism ONLY. Show me content about jewish life, intellectualism, history, and daily life
The Algorithm, apparently: does this mean you're interested in mormonism... how about jehova's witness............... this is all you'll get recommended by the way
#jumblr#personal thoughts tag#on topic but. there's also been so many mormon missionaries in my town??? are they all coming back from serving mission trips or what......#it's also weird that my town is almost completely xtian but [insert shopping place] had a display specifically for pesach#like ik many xtians have seders and you know what i'm talking about but like...??? ig they tried because they gave out free pesach haggadah#but i think it was solely because they had displays for easter up. look i just thought it was funny considering where we live#but that same store has a small kosher section. as in... well it's got some kosher food#so i really don't know what to make of it because that display is gone (why i think it was more for easter??)#ANYWAY#i'm just confusion đ«°đ#wait on the topic of xtian seders... why??? i never understood that one and my family has never celebrated passover#what would the point be when (from my understanding) such a big part of pesach is the freedom of jews from slavery#and that g-d sent them/us manna. like i admit i don't know everything about pesach but how would an xtian observe it?#because i have heard of that in the past and assumed they were celebrating jesus instead which to me wouldn't be a seder or passover. idk..#also i'm watching one of the videos about mormonism that was recommended to me but. i still watch majority jewish things regardless so????
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thrilled with the unexpected return of cheongsam mona tbh~~~
#sheâs so cute in it!!!!!!!!! our princess frrrrrr#i hope she had lots of delicious bÄo after the filming~~~~ she deserves that much~~~~#though. cursed confession here but i never truly understood why cheongsams are portrayed as alluring outfits as media tbvh#to me itâs just the thing i had to wear as a kid for cny and [insert school cultural event] (when the weather was too hot for my kebaya)#hmmmm. maybe itâs because of the slit? yeah itâs probably because of the slit huhâŠ#but man. im reminded of this rather cursed event that happened eons ago whenever i see cheongsams⊠i dont think i wore them again after that#which was. yâknow. probably for the best. theyâre not exactly the easiest dresses to wear while climbing up into a truck⊠but i digress!!!!!#anyways!!! if youâve read this far i might as well tell you my favourite thing to say in chinese~~~ ready~~~?#æèŠć柶 (wo[tone 3] yĂ o huĂ jiÄ): âi want to go homeâ#dang phone keyboard you just hate hanyupinyin dont you </3#but yeah thatâs the first phrase i taught my non-mandarin speaking (then)coworker just for fun a few months back. fun times~~~~~~#ćŻæŻïŒæç°ćšć„œçŽŻäșâŠâŠæ仄æççćŸæłçĄè§âŠâŠćè§ć€§ćź¶ïŒ
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actually real last post. how long do you think before mack does get sick of it all and requests a trade. either because of the losing or the false hometown or the daddy issues. or all of the above. like i hope he stays with the sharks forever partially so i can see what kind of monstrous metastasis his relationship with his dad grows into but also partially because i really do enjoy watching the sharks. but realistically how many years could YOU make it with your helicopter dad hovering over your shoulder at every moment before you start to realize that this is actually really fucking you up as a person and the only real option is to get out.
#like also would be soo interested in if the solution is to genuinely try to set boundaries or to leave!#like would he rather try to assert himself against his dad or just run away#and perhaps in this case running away would be more effective bc i honestly can't see (the) rick (in my brain)#taking mack setting boundaries um. well.#anyway we r all just reading into things this is not a serious post etc. mostly it is a bid#for ppl to write some angsty future fics where mack requests a trade#and refuses to tell will why because will's never understood mack's relationship with his dad#and has always kind of been an asshole about it (in mack's eyes)#and it causes this huge rift in their relationship and mack really struggles with the will-shaped hole#it creates in his life#and also struggles with how much more will's absence seems to be affecting him#than the absence of his dad. and what that says about him and what he's done#and how much time he spent distancing will from the important parts of his life (family) because he didn't think#they were compatible or that there was any reason to try and reconcile them#anyway. um.#NOW back to writing#bees speaks#rpf talk#271#<- for tagging purposes
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thinking abt joe/carlos
#ashita no joe#yeah#idk just the way that they loved and understood each other#when that understanding necessarily came from physical violence they must inflict on each other#that post thatâs like joe can only understand affection when itâs punching him in the face is true!!#when someone like noriko who he does care for tries to connect with him#the connection can never be complete bc she doesnât understand what boxing is to joe (and carlos)#which is interesting bc someone like yoko who is one of joes number one enablers pretty much ever tries to have a more personal conversation#with him thatâs not about his fights (him getting in the car with her bc he assumes sheâs taking him to jose#him avoiding and getting throwing shit at her over the course of the series when she tries to personally help him)#he is hostile to for a lot of the time#idk itâs just like yoko is the closest thing he has to one of his oppenents in terms of understanding what boxing means and he lowkey hates#her maybe bc she is extremely privileged#sheâs kind of playing at this boxing is everything when to her itâs really not#her family is incredibly wealthy and she never goes through turmoil herself over the plot (expect for the loss of rikiishi)#while the boxers of the series go through hardship#joe is a homeless orphan#rikiishi is in the juvenile detention center for almost killing someone#carlos also grew up in the slums#pretty much every boxer in the series has a reason why they MUST box#while there is no reason why yoko MUST be a promoter really other than her odd enabling of joe#i got far away from my original point but i just have so many thoughts abt this seriesđđ#the anime elitists cooked with this one i fear#anyway it is now 1am and iâm tiredđ#have no clue if this makes sense#need someone to yap abt this tođ#sorry for the block of text that probably does not make any sense
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I know they're already trapped in cyberspace as it is, but I never understood why Sarina turned Syrus and Hassleberry into a dinosaur and a car as opposed to like, locking them up in there or actually putting them in danger? Like if you want the stakes to feel actually important to the duel like maybe I should actually have to worry about what will happen to them if Jaden and Aster lose...?
I dunno it doesn't really matter, like obviously it's entirely possible that the thing is just that they're just bait for Jaden so it doesn't really matter what she does with them because all she needs is to get Jaden and Aster there so she can test them in a duel so once they get there Sy and Hassleberry don't really matter anymore at that point. But I just think about this kinda stuff y'know? I'm a fanfic writer haha
#I love drama okay? we all know I'm a mean mean lady in that regard but also like?#never understood why she turned them into a dinosaur and a car#ugh it just drives me crazy like if they don't matter behond being bait then just like? leave them alone? or just lock them up#and only release them if they win? but they make this whole big deal about having to win the duel so she'll turn them back#but if they just win the duel and leave they'll be back to normal anyway??? so the stakes should be that if they win the duel#then sarina will return syrus and hassleberry to jaden and they can all leave like it's that simple no unnecessary transformations required?#and like the only stake if they lose is that whoever loses has to join the society of light which is bad yes very not great#but in the interest of sy and hassleberry mattering in this scenario like they should all things considered like very easily another stake#on top of that could be if jaden and aster lose sy and hassleberry's minds will get scattered and dissolved into cyberspace forever#kinda like how sarina opts to digitize herself when this is over? except not at all voluntary#but to be fair she says that whoever wins comes with her and the other is trapped in cyberspace sp there's that#but like y'all know what I mean right?#I think about this kinda stuff a little too much and it scrambles my brain a little ngl#anyway shut up abby hahaha#back to the duel!#abby rewatches yugioh gx#aberooski live#abby fully admits she's an idiot#yugioh gx#ygo gx#syrus truesdale#sho marufuji#tyranno hassleberry#jaden yuki#judai yuki#aster phoenix#edo phoenix
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