#I need you so bad I can't let this happen to me goodbye I resent you for making me like this I want you to be safe

[linktoo-doodles]

I've been thinking about these posts for hours

[songmingisthighs]

Stupid Lucky Rain

group : xikers

pairing : student!hyunwoo × student!reader

genre : fluff, university!au, strangers to lovers

word count : 10.1 K

note : part of the "Meet Me Under The Cherry Tree event by @cultofdionysusnet

a/n : hyunwoo need to STAHP being a freeloader in my mind like SIR RENT IS DUE I WILL NAWT TOLERATE SQUATTERS @flowerboykun I'm blaming you for enabling me writing for xikers <3 and GHAWD THIS TOOK SO LONG AND I DID NAWT MEANT FOR IT TO BE THIS LONG ???? THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TIMESTAMP ????? WTF HAPPENED ??????

buy me coffee ?

You never really liked your university. There were a lot of problems with not just the students and the teaching staff but also with the general management of the place and just the thought of it made you so mad honestly. What made you even more pissed was that the school was your choice because you were so drawn to the campus's open concept; the cherry blossom trees in spring, the stone path to each building, and the happy students everywhere. The decision was solely on you because your parents had even suggested that you go to school in another city but you just HAD to go to this school. So really, you have nothing and no one to blame for your shitty experience but yourself.

Days like this one, when nothing seems to be going your way or even just going right generally, truly made you feel so angry at nothing and no one but at the same time at everything and everyone. Thursdays were never your favourite day but since university, it has taken a rather worse turn. Your last class of the day with the WORST professor in your major talked your ears off which made the class run longer than it should and God forbid someone remind him that class was supposed to end AGES ago. So now, you're stuck by the entrance of your building because it was raining and you didn't even think to bring your umbrella. Now you resented the open concept your university had because what even the fuck was anyone thinking.

Whoever romanticize spring rain needs to have their mouths stuffed with wet cherry blossom flowers. Because while it looks so so so pretty, it's still a pain in the ass to deal with.

"You can't help me?" you groaned into the phone. You had hoped your friend who lived in the dorm could come with an umbrella and help you get home but alas you were met with YET ANOTHER disappointing answer. "I'm sorry, we have a dorm meeting in 5 minutes because someone got caught sneaking her sibling in after hours and all of us are getting punished with her," she sighed, obvious that she was disappointed with her own situation. Not wanting to make her feel bad, you assured her that it was fine and even mustering up a goodbye to her before hanging up. After the call ended, however, you couldn't help but slump down the wall nearby and covered your face with your bag to let out a muffled frustrated scream, completely oblivious that someone was listening in and even watching what was going on with you.

Hyunwoo knew you. Well, he knew OF you as you shared a class with his friend, Sumin and while he had yet to have direct interaction with you, he was well aware of general things about you. How you have classes mostly in the same building except for one in the seminar hall that you shared with his other friends, Seeun and Junmin (though he doesn't think they'd realize), how you seemed to have quite some close friends but you seemed to still be well known around campus, and how you seemed to cringe when you're under a tree that you frequent and a breeze decided to interrupt you. But all that knowledge seemed useless because Hyunwoo didn't even know your name. He couldn't tell his friends that he was interested in you (for a lack of better word) because he know that Sumin is (embarrassing) not going to let his interest slide as platonic. So he kept (suffered alone) to himself and just watch you from afar, sometimes getting a chuckle or a grin at your antics. For a lack of better explanation, Hyunwoo considered himself intrigued by you and now that he was able to get a close-up look, he was, for a lack of better words, amused.

Determined to return home as soon as possible, so you can just wash the ick of the day and fall into a deep slumber where you can just fantasize about being a marshmallow (Or a rock, Tinnitus rules), you stood back up in a speed of light, surprising the person who was behind you. "I can do this, I can just run past this itty bitty rain and be home in no time," you mumbled to yourself, huffing and jumping slightly to prepare to take off. "Straight to the bus shelter, it's... Nothing, not that far," your head nodded along your words, starting to feel like you were being filled with positivity, "Yeah, yeah, it's no biggie whatsoever." Hyunwoo was grinning and chuckling to himself, amused at how you were trying to... survive? Does that make sense?

Not letting yourself hesitate much longer, you took off from your spot to face the seemingly worsening rain.

"Wait-,"

It didn't take long for you to slip and skid away several feet and land on a cherry blossom tree. To make your accident more unfortunate, the petals of the cherry blossom tree fell from the tree upon impact and scattered around you dramatically. Seeing this, Hyunwoo panicked and reached into his bag to fish out the umbrella his roommate, Junghoon, had placed for him, taking a moment to stare at the item in embarrassment because he could have gone to you and lent you the umbrella while he was (creepily) staring at you and your antics. Nevertheless, he shook his head and opened his umbrella to shield him before running over to you.

The closer he got, the more he could hear you sobbing whilst still in the same position as when you landed to a stop. Hyunwoo cringed and slowly leaned down so that his umbrella would also cover your face as it did with his. "Excuse me miss, are you okay?" he asked sympathetically, genuinely feeling bad that you had to go through such an embarrassing accident. Thankfully, you answered him, even if it was with an eery sarcastic laugh, "I'm... On top of the world, walking on Sunshine fantastic," you said as you closed your eyes, "And it's... Amazing that you saw me at my worst." Hyunwoo couldn't help but cringe at your words, wanting to be helpful but not quite knowing how to. "Uh... If this is your worst, I'm glad you're pulling it off," he smiled in awkward assurance, hoping that it makes your unfortunate accident perceivably better for you. Thankfully, you chuckled at him even if it was pathetic laughter (because if you hadn't, Hyunwoo might dig himself a 10-foot hole and just stay there until the embarrassment ebbs away.

He was just about to help you up and possibly asked if he could accompany you to wherever you needed to go but he heard his name being called (by a voice that sounded like an impatient Minjae) from the far distance. Afraid that he might get caught with a (cute) girl, Hyunwoo's eyes widened and his head snapped back to you who was beginning to it up. With a heavy heart, Hyunwoo handed you his umbrella and before you could ask him what he was doing, he gave you a charming smile that made your heart skip a beat.

"I hope you get back home safely."

That was all he said before he took his backpack over his head and dashed through the rain. "Wait," you called out, trying your best to stand up quickly, "I didn't get your name!" It was unfortunate that you didn't hear his friend called out for his name due to the heavy rain.

Unfortunately, the sound of the rain was louder than your voice and Hyunwoo was already quite far away. All you could do was stare at his retreating figure in sadness and conviction because how did he not fall and embarrass himself like you did and you hadn't gotten the chance to thank or talk to him. But you were at least safe from being (even more) wet on your journey home.

As you walked away, you couldn't help but look back at the tree where you landed. Usually, it would take you some time to recover from such embarrassment. Heck, you'd be angry at yourself, the tree, the pink petals, the sky, the weather, the grass, the pavement, the university, and maybe even the students that didn't fall like you did. So it surprised you to have walked away with a light heart and even gratitude. All thanks to that mysterious cutie who you didn't even get to look at properly before he ran off. You would've liked to appreciate his beauty first before you both parted. How had you never realized there was anyone as cute as he before? Why did you have to meet him in such an unfortunate circumstance?

You couldn't help but let out a final sigh before resuming your walk to the bus stop, hoping that you'd get to meet the stranger you met under the cherry blossom tree once again.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

"So he just gave you an umbrella... and ran?" you nodded at the question that was asked by one of your friends, Liz.

"And you had never seen him on this campus before?" your other friend, Rei, added and again, you simply nodded at her question.

All three of your friends smacked their foreheads with their palms, absolutely dumbfounded by how you handled the situation. "God, (y/n), how is it that these kinds of things seem to only happen to you?" Your last friend, Haewon, asked in exasperation. You couldn't help but groan and slumped down on the table before you, accidentally bumping your forehead on the hard surface which made Liz cringe. "And there she goes again," she teased, snickering but pushing your head slightly to see the red mark and your scrunched-up face and gently pressing her cold can of cola on the spot, "Dum dum."

Rei rested her chin on her open palm and tilted her head, "So, what are you planning on doing?" she asked. For a moment, all you could do was hum, not knowing what to do because you really do have no plans whatsoever. It had been five days since you saw the cutie who helped you under the cherry blossom tree and you hasn't seen him since and you were sure that you'd recognize him immediately. How can you forget his worried eyes that turned into adorable crescents when he smiled? How can you forget his soft, pastel green cardigan and white shirt that was paired with black jeans and white Adidas that somehow made him look like a model? How can you forget his melodious voice when he talked? And God, how can you forget the fact that he made you feel better without even trying? He was it, he was what you needed to motivate you to go to school and it might be just some dumb crush but you really do want to see him again.

Unbeknownst to you, Haewon had slipped her hand into your bag and taken the umbrella the boy had lent to you and waved it over her head as she rose to her feet slightly. "Is there a cute boy who is missing his umbrella because he lent it to a clumsy fool last week?" she yelled at the whole cafeteria out of the blue which made you yelp and immediately pulled her down just as people snapped their heads towards your table. "Are you nuts!?" you hissed as you hit the side of her arm in a scolding manner. Yet, Haewon only blinked her eyes confusedly at you, "Wha- me? I'm doing your job effectively! Don't you wanna meet this boy and then marry him?" Truly, you wonder how Haewon's mouth has yet to get her in trouble. "Not marry!" you whined at her to which she just rolled her eyes, "Fine, you're against marriage, but you want a future with him, no?" All you could do was groan and run your fingers through your hair, "Rei was more helpful when she couldn't help me with an umbrella last week," you muttered. Liz scrunched her nose at you and she couldn't help but add, "I mean... Had Rei helped you last week, Mr cutie wouldn't have been able to help you," to which you replied with a deadpanned look on your face that made her raise both of her hands slightly, "I'm just stating a fact here, you're mad at Haewon unnie, not me," she grinned sheepishly.

It wasn't like you were mad at your friends or anything because you were mostly mad at yourself for not being able to find the cutie. Granted, you had only seen him once but on a campus with a limited number of students walking around everywhere, statistically speaking, you should've been able to bump into him again in no time. But no time feels like yes time and yes, time sure was being a bitch because it felt like forever. Every day, you try to be more aware of your surroundings, be more aware of the people in case you see the cutie and every day, without fail, you brought the umbrella he lent you in your bag along with a little note of gratitude. In it was the usual thank you for helping your dumb ass and for making your day slightly better and at the bottom right corner, you had written your number for the purpose of "wanting to pay you back for your kindness. So text me when you're available :)" it's cheesy and you blame Liz.

Suddenly, someone approached your table, a guy who looked so innocent and he had the most adorable smile on his face. "Hi, sorry, is the rest of the seat taken?" he asked, tilting his head a little. you were sure that had you known him, you would've absolutely squished his cheeks and given him the biggest hug ever at any given time. "Oh, no, please," Rei gestured for him to take a seat on the space at the end of the table. "Thank you!" he cheerfully said before turning slightly and waving his hands, "Guys, I found a table!" The four of you couldn't help but turn around and watch as six more guys walked through the sea of people towards the direction of the table you were occupying. "Guys, I think we need to leave," Rei said, cringing at the number of people around but also at the thought of them having a hard time finding seats. The rest of you nodded and immediately packed your stuff and took your trays. Seeing this, the guy felt bad, "Oh, you guys don't have to leave!" he pouted, feeling bad because he thought you all left because of him. But Liz waved a hand at him and smiled, "No, don't worry! We need to go to class anyways!" which seemed to reassure him as he simply nodded and bowed slightly, "Thank you so much," he smiled.

Once you and your friends cleared, the guy's four friends soon came to the table just as the four of you left the table, giving the guy you interacted with one last wave (just for fun) which he happily reciprocated. "Yujun, dude, how'd you get them to leave?" Sumin smirked, chuckling slightly while setting his tray down. The other people in the group; Yechan, Junmin, Hunter, Junghoon, and Jinsik followed suit, taking their respective spots. "Probably by telling them something about snail penises," Yechan snickered at his friend whose expression dropped into an unamused one, "How're your books, Yechan, are they balanced?" he retorted back. But of course, Yechan being Yechan, he wasn't affected by his friend's words, he simply sit on his chair and plastered on (an obviously faux) innocent smile, "Better than your genealogy paper I'll bet," thankfully Junmin was there to stop either one of them to start throwing food at each other, only letting Yujun squeak out something about Yechan's response not even making any sense.

It seemed like you really do have rotten luck because not even five minutes after you cleared up, Hyunwoo walked into the cafeteria with two of his friends on his sides. "All I'm saying is," Seeun shrugged his shoulder to readjust his bag so he won't let go of his tray, "The idea that reality is all fake and that the physical world is all caused by ideas is plausible! For instance, what if the things you see around you aren't actually what they seem? What if the things that you see are just how your brain wants to perceive them? Or let's say there's a chair in a room. Who's to say that chair still exists when you leave the room because there was no one to perceive it?" God, Hyunwoo love his friends but sometimes he really does question why they became friends in the first place. The additional three guys soon approached the table you had just occupied, and to poke fun at you and your luck even more, Hyunwoo had chosen to sit on the spot you sat on. "For fuck's sake, Seeun, you took ONE philosophy class last semester. Move on!" Minjae complained, choosing a seat at the far end, near Yechan where he didn't have to deal with Seeun. However, Seeun only scoffed at his older friend, "By that logic, you should forget all your introductory classes because you had only taken those classes once, hyung."

"Hey, Hyunwoo's here!" Jinsik greeted his seemingly quiet friend in an attempt to stop more fights to break and even resume the potential fight between Yechan and Yujun. "How are you today, hyung?" Hunter, who was next to Hyunwoo asked before popping a piece of fish cake from his bowl of tteokbokki into his mouth. "Oooh look at him, isn't it obvious?" Sumin snickered, making Hyunwoo freeze in his spot while his pupils shook nervously, fearing that Sumin might know something, "Hyunwoo is sad because his little mysterious miss scattered-petal-umbrella-borrower hasn't been seen around." Immediately, Hyunwoo's head snapped to Junghoon who felt his friend's glare and he halted his movement just as he was about to take a spoonful of soup. Hyunwoo's eyes narrowed and Junghoon, without dropping his spoon back into his bowl, made a statement for himself, "I didn't know it was a SECRET secret, I thought it was a general knowledge secret."

Confused, Junmin looked between his friends with curiosity, "What? What miss scattered-petal-umbrella-borrower?" he asked, clearly wanting to know what everyone (some, but it didn't include him so he felt left out) was talking about. "Say those five words quickly like a tongue-twister, I dare you," Minjae snickered and soon the table erupted into a tongue-twister challenge battle, allowing Hyunwoo to just sulk in his seat.

It wasn't like he wasn't trying to find you because he absolutely did. He mulled over why he hadn't seen you in a while and made a plan to be able to see you which was basically to just frequent the cherry blossom tree where you fell. To be fair, he had only implemented the plan the day before so his success rate as of now was about the same as seeing a monkey juggling in a baby suit. Not to mention his busy schedule as a Food Technology student was not really allowing him much freedom. Still, he tried. He tried by studying under the tree, right on the spot you landed on and made sure to pass the tree when he got to the campus and when he was about to leave. But so far he hadn't had his luck meeting you again. The effort Hyunwoo put to present himself also doubled because he wanted to look nice for you. His usual fluff of hair was styled better (courtesy of Sumin) and his clothes were nicer (courtesy of Minjae), heck, he even found a new sense of confidence (courtesy of Yechan who said that they're one Christmas away from buying him a loom and call him the loonie roomie with a loomy).

"Hey, hey, hey, let's go back to talking about Hyunwoo," Minjae chuckled after seeing Sumin choke on his own spit. Yujun glanced at the oldest, blinking twice in confusion before stating, "Well, to be fair, we all got sidetracked because of you, hyung," Minjae's left eye twitch at the guy who was innocently nibbling on a piece of chicken on his fork but he managed a (forced) wide grin, "Well, I'm refocusing back to Hyunwoo," he said simply. Hearing this, Hyunwoo sat up straight and shrugged slightly, "I don't think there's much to tell, you know? It's just... Someone that I wished to have more interactions with," though he wanted to appear casual or even nonchalant, the slight pout on the corners of his lips betrayed him.

"Okay, now I'm confused," Sumin said, raising an eyebrow at his friend, "I've introduced you to a lot of people on this campus and you didn't seem to be interested in anyone. Who changed your mind??" "God, Sumin hyung, isn't it possible that Hyunwoo hyung is interested in someone who has NOTHING to do with you?" Hunter scoffed. The rest of the table was nodding at Hunter's words, agreeing with him. But it wasn't until Yujun turned to Hyunwoo that he realized Hyunwoo's ears, despite his face remaining a neutral colour, were bright red and seemingly hot if one was to touch them. Yujun's eyes widened and he squeaked, finger immediately pointing to his older friend who realized and whose eyes widened to saucers, "OH MY GOD, HYUNWOO HYUNG LIKES SOMEONE HE KNEW FROM SUMIN HYUNG!" he exclaimed loudly.

To avoid bombarding, Hyunwoo immediately packed his stuff and took his tray, "I don't have time for this," was the last thing he said before he ran off, leaving his friends complaining and booing at him.

On his way out to his next class, after putting his tray to where it was supposed to go, Hyunwoo slumped on a nearby wall and hung his head. It was embarrassing that he couldn't control his reaction and because of that, people now know that he was INTERESTED (not yet crushing) on someone that Sumin also knows. "God, my life is a joke," he muttered to himself before crouching down to tie his shoelaces that had become loose.

To mock his existence, just as his focus was on his feet, you ran right past him back into the cafeteria. You looked around and spotted the table you sat on before. As you rushed back to the table, Yujun looked up and beamed when he recognized you. "Oh! It's miss nice table sharer!" he exclaimed, causing people on the table to snap their heads at you, curious at what Yujun was talking about. You were stunned to be greeted like that, as evident by your rounded, blinking eyes, but you smiled at him, "Hi? And it's (y/n) if you wanna thank me more for giving you my table," you joked. Sumin swallowed the food he was chewing and nudged you on the hip gently, "Hey (y/n), what's up?" While you both were not really that close (even with the class you shared), you both were fond of each other and you knew that Sumin has a playful and friendly persona which was why everyone was comfortable enough to joke and poke with him. You pouted at him, "I think I left my wallet here by accident. If it's not here, then it must've fallen out when I was walking around and I might as well say goodbye to it," you sighed. The guys on the table were nice enough to immediately look around and even down under the table to help you locate your missing item. All but one. Junghoon quietly lifted your slightly tattered wallet up with a blank look on his face, "I didn't realize this was yours," he simply said. Minjae exhaled sharply and reached to pluck the item from his friend's grasp, "You're not supposed to take things that aren't yours, Junghoon!" he then handed you the item with a sheepish (almost embarrassed) look on his face, "Sorry about him, he can be peculiar." Junghoon scoffed and crossed his arms at Minjae's words, obviously dissatisfied, "Hey, at least I noticed the item before Hyunwoo hyung placed his tray on it."

Simply relieved, you hugged your wallet to your chest happily. "God, thank you for keeping it safe!" then you pat Sumin's head like how you would a puppy and lean down slightly to match his eye level, "I'll see you tomorrow at class, okay?" to which Sumin replied with his fingers that are supposed to indicate him saying 'okay' as his mouth was busy chewing. With the reply, you (once again) take your leave with a wave of goodbye and an extra enthusiastic one to Yujun who enthusiastically double-waved at you.

Once you were out of earshot, Yujun spoke up, "She's nice! How'd you know her, Sumin hyung?" "I knew her from my mandatory English class, she helps me a lot with essays but that's about it," the whole table nodded in understanding at that. But then they snapped their heads all at the same time at the sound of Seeun snickering. "What if that's the girl Hyunwoo hyung has a crush on?" Jinsik rolled his eyes and punched him lightly on the shoulder, "Pay attention dude, do you think Sumin would just use the people he knew from class as a potential match for Hyunwoo?" Seeun raised an eyebrow at his older friend challengingly, knowing full well what his defence would be, "There are endless possibilities of worlds. If you can think of it then it can exist in theory therefore anything is possible. However, nothing can exist without it being perceived by someone." And for the first time ever (since the second week of his taking his philosophy class), his response was met with nods of approval and even understanding.

"Hence, my earlier statement that things might just simply exist because there is someone to perceive them. Like the chair," as soon as those nods come, they were immediately replaced with groans and protests. Jinsik, Yechan, and Junghoon even threw their juice boxes at him.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

In the next three days, there were more close run-ins that happened between you and Hyunwoo that if you both realized would've caused your heads to explode.

The first occurrence was the day after the almost run-in at the cafeteria. You were paired with Sumin for a class discussion, even spending time making a report in class. It was a complete fluke (and by that, it was most likely orchestrated by destiny) that you were paired together because neither of you had ever gotten so close, not in the several months since you both took the class. Even by the end of the class you both walked out together to discuss more on the paper that you both were supposed to submit by that night. The two of you were so into your conversation that you didn't even realize that you had left your laptop in the classroom. "Shoot! I need to go back,": you turned around and cringed at the number of people walking slowly out of the class like a herd of sheep. Sumin chuckled and shook his head at you, "You're unbelievable, kind of like my friend Hyunwoo," he chuckled. You only rolled your eyes and nudged his body with yours lightly, "You're a jerk," your bottom lip dropped into a teasing joke, "Text me later about your part?" Sumin nodded in agreement with a smile, letting you know that he will do his part of the paper before you ran off. Sumin barely took two steps forward when the person he was talking about rounded the corner and patted him on the shoulder, "Hey man, you done?" he smiled widely. "Yup, you done checking the tree?" Sumin's words almost made Hyunwoo choke on his own spit, "How'd you know about that?" it was obvious that not even Hyunwoo could hide that fact. Sumin simply smirked and wrapped his friend in a friendly hug, "We got eight other close friends, man, how long do you think you would be able to hide that fact?"

The next occurrence happened the night Hyunwoo decided that he wanted to get some midnight snacks with Yechan and Minjae who were pulling an all-nighter at their dorms. It was an impromptu decision for all of them and Hyunwoo didn't even want to go in the first place but Yujun was giving him puppy eyes and Seeun annoyed him enough that he go to get them what they wanted (which, halfway out of his dorm, it had just occurred to him that both Yujun and Seeun could've gone out themselves). At the same time, you came out of your dorm clad in a hoodie, mask, and your comfiest pyjama pants because you were feeling pissed at yourself because you hadn't found the mystery cutie. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, it had been exactly seven days since that (un)fateful day and logically speaking (and if you were to put your trust in destiny's hands), the day you would've most likely to meet him again was today on similar circumstances (because it hadn't rained). So you waited and waited but the mystery cutie never even showed so you spent two hours after class for nothing only to come home to your door opened which means that one of your roommates was in your room and you were betting on the narcissistic kleptomaniac who has been shit-talking you behind your back. You were so ready for the new semester so you, Liz, Haewon, and Rei could move in together. Near tears, you got into the convenience store to gather everything you need to calm yourself down. The three guys were already in the convenience store, talking loudly with each other, laughing and joking around and even narrowly missing you; when you were in one isle, they were in the next, when you turned to stare at the rack, they passed you, even noticing your presence but not your identity. Out of the three however, Hyunwoo was the one who noticed the hard sigh you exhaled and the times you clenched your fists when you couldn't find something or saw that it wasn't in stock. Even when he was paying for the things he bought (which were mostly Yujun and Seeun's snacks), he couldn't help but turn his head to your crouching figure in front of the instant noodles, completely oblivious that you were the person he has been looking for this past week. When you paid for your item, the cashier put something you swore you didn't pick out earlier. "Excuse me, I don't think that's mine," you pointed out, making the cashier stop her movements. But she nodded her head in the direction of the door, "The guy before bought something for you," when the bag was in your hand and you were able to reach into the plastic bag and took out what she had put. During your walk out, you couldn't help but keep staring at the lollipop that had a smiling face on its wrapper. It was stupid maybe, but you were just so happy to have gotten it and just like that your day was made.

The last occurrence happened when Hyunwoo and you decided that maybe simply standing or watching near the tree was not enough, you have to be attached to the tree. So that Friday, after your morning class, you buckled down and settled on the grass, studying (or pretending to be) as you keep a lookout. "Okay, but can we at least get you lunch?" Liz asked, smiling sympathetically at you. You shook your head but Haewon rolled her eyes and linked her arm with Liz and Rei, "We'll just get her like a kimbap or something, she's definitely going to want to eat, she's just stubborn," she teased as she walked away. As they walked away, Hyunwoo parted ways from his friends and approached the tree, eyes filled with determination to finally meet you again and this time properly talk to you. Neither of you realized that you both were on opposite sides of the tree, blissfully unaware as you occupied yourselves with working on whatever you could work on. For thirty-five minutes the both of you could hear the other typing on their laptop or writing or opening up books but both of you thought those were the sounds that came from other students from the nearby tree. You didn't even hear the sounds anymore once your friend came back and sat down around you; Liz next to you and Rei and Haewon across you. As you chew on your kimbap, all four of you chatted, well, mostly the three of them because you were keeping your eyes on the people walking nearby, waiting for the mystery cutie to pass by not knowing that he was on the other side, smiling to himself at the sound of you four being so happy and carefree. He was rather intrigued because he noticed that there was a voice that got him feeling some sort of recognition and just as he was about to take a peek, he heard someone call his name from the building. "Dude, we have a rescheduled class 10 minutes ago, what are you doing?" his classmate called out, making Hyunwoo's eyes widen in realization and quickly pack his things. "Shit, this is bad," he muttered to himself as his hands tried to shove everything in as quickly as possible. But in his clumsiness, he accidentally let his water bottle roll away to the other side of the tree without him realizing it. Just as Hyunwoo strapped his backpack on, a voice halted his movements, "Here, I think you dropped this." He looked up to see a girl holding his water bottle and he immediately nodded and took it from her hands, "Thanks, uh..." "Liz," "Yeah, thank you, Liz," he smiled at her before rushing to his class. Noticing Liz talking, you tried to peek over and saw a guy in a rather clean-looking smart outfit running off into the building. "Who's that?" Rei asked, noticing what you saw as well, "Some guy, he dropped his water bottle and I helped," Liz shrugged. "He was cute," Haewon said before she nudged you with her foot, snickering slightly, "Do you think you wanna switch mystery cutie for him?" she teased. You took one last glance at the guy (or his back since that was all you could see) and shrugged, "My mystery cutie is probably like ten times more handsome," you stated obliviously as you munched on your kimbap, fully unaware that that was actually your mystery cutie.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

Saturdays were your favourite as you have no classes and you have no responsibilities. As a university student, you didn't have much going for you nor do you have many options for entertainment. So more often than not, you utilize the campus facilities however you can. One of your favourites is the shuttle bus to the heart of the city which was not that far. Little did you know, Hyunwoo felt exactly the same way about being a student but his way of utilizing the university facilities is slightly different considering his friends are lawless hooligans.

That day, you had just gotten back from the mall with your friends and you decided to leave early because you had this feeling that you had forgotten something. Funny enough, it wasn't an umbrella because you found yourself always carrying mystery cutie's umbrella with you. Initially, it was just in case you accidentally bumped into him somewhere you didn't even think you'd bumped into him or something. Honestly after not meeting him for a whole week, you got the impression that there's a chance that he might not even be a student at the university (wrong). He could be a visiting student (wrong). Or maybe a transfer or even an international student doing a semester program (wrong). Would it be ridiculous to assume that he's a TA or even a new professor or a potential new TA or a potential new professor? (yes because it is so dumb to think that). So you went home by yourself and on the way, you realized that because you were going to be dropped off at the campus, you could maybe go around a bit to look at the campus life activity board to see if you could spot his face in the pictures there.

Meanwhile, Hyunwoo and some of his friends (Jinsik, Sumin, Junmin, and Hunter) decided that they wanted to spend some time at the gym. As active boys, it was important for them to burn energy somehow so that they wouldn't get into any trouble. Same principle as raising children. Or puppies. They have to tire themselves just enough to be obedient and not cause any mess. And it was fun or maybe just interesting to see the university that would usually be busy with the hustle and the bustle of busy busy students and their lives and their need to keep up with their schedules and ambitions. On Saturdays, Hyunwoo was able to simply appreciate the university as it is. He wasn't really sure of a university with an open concept as he would more often than not think about the practicality and even the effectiveness of it for students (other than giving something green to stare at and providing fresh air to students who spent most of their days in stuffy rooms with other students who looked just about done with studying). But he came to like the place and its concept and he was able to appreciate it even more ever since he saw you. He liked being able to find you in odd places every now and then which has now become frustrating because now that he actually wanted to meet you, you're nowhere to be seen like a Fata Morgana. Maybe he has to reach a certain level of desperation first.

Unlike the days before when he had to go to class and there was a higher chance of meeting you, Hyunwoo decided against dressing up. He let his usual flop of hair down and wore a loose sleeveless work shirt and training pants with his favourite workout shoes. It was him getting back to simplicity despite the protests of Minjae who insisted he wore an athleisure outfit which was stupid because although Hyunwoo looked absolutely amazing and he felt confident in the form-fitting shirt and parachute fabric pants, he couldn't move for shit and he was uncomfortable. So he ran out as soon as he changed so that he didn't have to listen to Minjae nagging at him for not listening.

"Are you ready to admit now?" Hyunwoo's reps on the chest machine halted at the question thrown by Sumin. "Admit what?" he asked with an eyebrow raised. Sumin dropped the dumbell he was curling before standing up and leaning next to Hyunwoo's machine, forcing the guy to strain his neck slightly to look at him, "That your little miss scattered-petal-umbrella-borrower is probably a figment of your imagination," he teased, smirking at the guy whose face scrunched into a scowl. Hunter walked by and smack his older friend on the back with a towel, "Don't be mean, Sumin hyung, Hyunwoo hyung said it happened so it must have happened," Hunter was definitely trying to back his friend up but somehow, it seemed like he wasn't. Hyunwoo couldn't help but scoff at his two friends, "Why does it seem like you guys think I'm crazy?" "Well," Junmin walked over and sat on a bench close to them, "It's not that we think you're crazy, but it kinda does feel like you're avoiding us and using this... Mysterious girl that no one has seen as an excuse," he shrugged. Jinsik came by with kettlebells and started doing his reps as he joined the conversation. "We're just worried about you, man. You usually keep to yourself, yes, but this is a whole other level. I mean, if she's real in the first place, how come you haven't found her in the past week?" he asked. In frustration, Hyunwoo groaned and threw his head back onto the padding of his station's seat, "I can't believe I'm even saying this," he then looked to the side, straight into Sumin's eyes and pointed at him, "Mystery girl is in the same English class as you."

The revelation surprised everyone but not Sumin who simply raised an eyebrow at him. "Really? She's in my class?" he scoffed and Hyunwoo nodded, "Well, did you see her last time you came by to get me after that class?" Now, that question made the others shut their gasps and exclamations of a surprise to see how Hyunwoo would react. The guy froze and his eyes darted around in slight panic, knowing full well that he didn't and that answer might come off as how his friends had insinuated before. "Uh..." Hyunwoo looked around his friends as his brain try its best to string enough words to make a sentence that makes sense. "Well..." he started out, getting more nervous even though he was only facing his friends and their stupid questions. It didn't help that all of them looked genuinely intrigued and were patiently waiting for him to say something, anything as soon as he could. Unfortunately, the pressure got to him and he didn't think twice before he stood up, surprising his friends, especially with his announcement before he ran off and out of the gym, "I think I need to run laps outside."

With that, Jinsik smacked Sumin upside the head, making the guy groan and clutch the side where he got the impact. "What was that for!?" Sumin huffed, trying to rub away the pain. Jinsik smirked teasingly at him and leaned down, "Maybe that ought to realign your crooked brain so you could think straight next time you speak," then he ran away before Sumin could reach down, grab a dumbell and throw it at him.

Hyunwoo didn't like this. He didn't like feeling negative things especially if he was doubting himself and when he felt like he was getting pissed at his friends. He knew full well that none of them meant to, none of them wanted to piss him off or make him feel bad about himself, even Sumin despite the way his words were articulated. But it just made him feel bad about himself, it made him feel stupid as if his wanting to find this mystery girl is a pointless crusade when it's not that serious. It's not like Hyunwoo is going around everywhere asking girls if they are the girl he has been looking for. For one thing, he's not the prince charming from Cinderella. And his introversion would cause his social battery to deplete after 2 interactions hence causing him to flop down on the floor like a fish out of water. He so badly needs his social battery to survive his classes and actually get grades above passing which is all dependent on class interactions. It also wasn't like he didn't want his friends' help, it was just embarrassing to admit that he has a crush on someone that he had only seen from afar. Especially admitting it to Sumin who had been nothing but nice and proactive, introducing him to different people only for him to be interested in someone Sumin hadn't introduced him to yet. Again, he was well aware that it was stupid but he couldn't help but feel like that, especially in a circumstance like this one. The circumstance is his existence as an introverted, awkward klutz.

It didn't occur to him that he had been running around the campus for a solid 20 minutes. The soft droplets of water were what snapped him out of his trance in the first place. Almost at once, more droplets of water fell from the sky, drenching his body and forcing him to run for cover. Through the thick curtain of rain, Hyunwoo could barely see anything, everything seemed blurry and the sound rendered him in a confused state as he couldn't seem to decide where to run for cover. In the midst of confusion and mess, Hyunwoo managed to slip on the slippery, muddy ground and skidded forward until his body collided with a tree. On the ground, looking up, Hyunwoo finally realized that he was actually under the cherry blossom tree where you slipped yourself over a week ago. "Are you serious?" he exhaled sharply as his eyes closed, feeling like the universe was making a mockery out of him by causing a seemingly calculated accident to further mock him of his incapabilities to find you or even to show him how you must've felt when this happened to you. Now Hyunwoo knows perfectly well what it felt to see petals scattering around you as if they wanted to mark where you landed just to make you feel even more embarrassed.

Hyunwoo was just about ready to have the ground open up and swallow him whole so he could spend an eternity muddling in his own stupidity and incapabilities. But when he failed to feel the rain on him anymore, he opened his eyes to see you crouching on top of him with your bottom lip between your teeth and his umbrella covering both of you from the rain. "Are you reenacting my accident, stranger?" you teased.

Reflexes kicking in, Hyunwoo tried to sit up quickly but ended up knocking his head with yours. Quite hard actually as it sent the both of you reeling slightly back. "Oh, God! I'm so sorry!" he panicked, forgetting about his pain momentarily to tend to you, he went as far as ignoring his own pain momentarily and even forgetting that he was an awkward klutz, surprising you when he grabbed your face gently to look at the spot that was starting to turn red from the rather harsh impact. You were blushing at this point because he was closer than you thought he would be especially considering that this was your second meeting. But he didn't seem to notice it as he was so focused on you, completely oblivious that he also had a red spot from the impact, shown from between strands of hair. Seeing this, you couldn't help but giggle at him, "Okay, damn, forget you reenacting my accident, you're just clumsy." Just the sound of you giggling was enough to make his heart skip a beat and his body freeze. He wanted to believe that it was the building anticipation that took over him and distracted him from functioning as a human being.

The sound of the rain reminded you that Hyunwoo was still drenched and that you were also at risk of getting wet. As much as you liked him holding your face, you grabbed his wrist gently which caused his eyes to shift to yours from your forehead, "We should move inside the building, we don't wanna catch a cold now, do we?" you teased. Luckily, Hyunwoo seemed to realize his position fairly quickly and stood up with you. He even took the umbrella from your hand which prompted you to take his hand instead as you led him inside the building.

Despite both of your seemingly confident and calculate moves, you both were blushing like lovestruck fools (because you both were), avoiding each other's gaze as your hearts beat out of your chests. The both of you tried to convince yourselves that it wasn't the nerves it wasn't the absolute nerve-wracking realization that you both had FINALLY found each other on a day that neither of you expected. Nope, definitely not. It was... something else completely unrelated.

Once you both got inside the building, you immediately led Hyunwoo into an empty classroom and sat him down somewhere he wouldn't feel the cold draft. Hyunwoo was just glad to see you, he was following your instruction and let you lead him, situating him wherever and however you want like a little puppy. Once he was perfectly situated, you carefully folded his umbrella after taking it from his hand and placing your bag on the seat next to him. "Okay, I think I can find some towels from the clinic office, are you fine by yourself here?" you asked, cringing slightly now that you were able to see how pitiful he looked. But despite his unfortunate-looking appearance, he was smiling brightly and nodding enthusiastically, "Yeah, I'll be fine! Don't worry," he reassured. Hearing that, you nodded and immediately dash to get the things that you needed to help him.

However, just as you were about to step out, your feet halted and you took a step back into the classroom. You turned slowly and looked at him, seemingly hesitant to leave him alone. You didn't want to be dramatic, and you really do believe that the mystery cutie you had just finally found again after so long (over a week) wouldn't just disappear on you. But still, you had JUST found him. You didn't want to leave his side.

Hyunwoo seemed to notice your hesitance. The way your eyes turned just a little sad and the way your hand gripped the door clued him into your hesitance easily. He thought it was adorable how you were acting to him, to someone you barely know. "I won't go anywhere, I'll wait for you, right here." he smiled gently at you, effectively reassuring you, allowing you to leave the room with a lighter heart and a slight spring to your step which didn't go unnoticed by Hyunwoo who chuckled and shook his head at you.

Even once your steps disappeared out in the hallway, Hyunwoo couldn't help but stare at the door with a smile still etched on his face. It took some time for him to tear his eyes away and when he finally managed to, he took notice of his umbrella that was on the desk, in front of your bag that was placed next to him. There was something on it that caught his eye. Upon closer inspection, he noticed something on the handle that looked like some kind of sticker or plastic. He took the item in his hands and pulled the handle out to see that it was a plastic wrapper, plastered just a little bit above the handle with a sellotape and the more he looked at it, the more he noticed that it looked like the wrapper of the candy he bought for someone just a couple days ago. He thought that you must've added it there yourself for some reason and while technically it was his umbrella, he wasn't mad that you put a little decoration on it. "What a weird coincidence," he chuckled.

"What's a weird coincidence?" he didn't even realize that you had returned to the room until he heard your voice. He simply waved the umbrella in his hands, "Oh no, I'm just looking at this thing in my umbrella." You quirked an eyebrow as you placed one towel on another empty desk and approached him with another one, "You like that?" you grinned while handing him a towel before pulling out a chair to sit in front of him, "Some guy bought me a lollipop candy with that wrapper a couple of days ago because I guess I looked pitiful enough that he felt sorry for me," you chuckled. When you looked up, you saw Hyunwoo staring at you with his mouth slightly agape, he had even stopped drying his hair with the towel you just handed. You took his expression as his negative reaction to hearing you talk to him about some other guy while he was simply right there like as if you were trying to show off how wanted you were. With eyes widened to saucers, you raised your hands and shook them in a panicked manner, "No, I wasn't bragging! I was just- well, I didn't even know the person! Could be a guy, could be a woman with a boyish haircut, who knows?" You honestly didn't even know why you panicked in front of him, it's not like whatever he could say or think of you would matter. He's a stranger. So why does it matter to you if he perceives you positively?

Luckily before you blabber even more, Hyunwoo shook his head which was enough to shut your mouth. "No, it's not about that, it's just... You're that person?" now you're confused. Your eyebrows knitted together and you waited for Hyunwoo to say something as additional info because that sentence made no sense yet. "I... I went to the convenience store just outside the campus dormitory with two of my friends," realizing where he was going, your eyes widened and you cut him off, "One who's a civil engineering major and another who's majoring in veterinary science." Hyunwoo's heart once again skipped a beat but he couldn't help but continue what he wanted to say, "And we... I saw someone sighing in front of the ramen so I..." Again, you cut him off, "Told the cashier to give me the smiley lollipop candy."

For a moment there, you both just stared at each other, grinning like two idiots for no reason. From what you thought was an apparent misfortune as a very cute guy saw you in such an unfortunate situation, turned out to be the craziest entanglement of fate ever. It was as if you both were meant to have so much near misses so you both could meet at exactly the right moment, the right time, and the right place. Underneath the cherry blossom tree that you first fell in love with when you were so close to hating yourself for the decision that you thought was so stupid just so he could give you a new perspective on things.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

It was unfortunate (yet highly predictable) that Hyunwoo caught the flu after meeting you. Of course, his friend blamed him for wandering around for two hours aimlessly before coming back to the dorm and changing out of his wet clothes. For obvious reasons, Hyunwoo didn't tell his friends that he had finally met you. Not yet at least. The both of you agreed that after a week of your friends poking fun at each of you, it's best that you both got to know each other first. So you both exchanged numbers and had been texting each other quite frequently ever since. Hyunwoo's flu forced him to be on bed rest for three days which means that your plans of hanging out after class fell through. But to be honest, he was rather grateful for the situation because you have been sending him food and care packages to the dorm without him even asking. To avoid his friends' detection, he would more often than not say that he ordered takeouts for himself or that his mom sent him a care package. The closest call was on the last day when you sent him homemade soup that he deemed was a takeout he ordered but when Junmin received the package, it had a cute kitty sticky note that said 'get well right meow!" with two hearts at the end. It was at that moment Hyunwoo realized that it was a good thing he was rather agile because he had never moved that quick to steal the package from his friend's hands.

So after his bed rest, he was back to full health and was way more ready to go to the campus than he had ever been. He didn't even let Sumin or Minjae style him that day because as per the information he found out on day two, you actually loved his hair as a floppy mop of hair and his rather soft boy aesthetic; pastel cardigans, light jeans, and converses. So even with Minjae and Sumin following after him with verbal protests (Sumin) and a series of boos (Minjae), Hyunwoo was able to coast clear out the door.

You were no better. While Hyunwoo didn't specify what look he liked best on you (because in all honesty, he likes how you look no matter the clothes or style you were wearing), you put an effort into your clothes that day which rather surprised your friends. They were gawking and asking questions because it was quite a drastic change. It wasn't like you changed into Elle Woods or Sharpay Evans out of the blue but it was obvious that you paid attention to what you were wearing that day.

Both your and Hyunwoo's friend groups were rather confused at your smiling faces and your constant attention to your phones. It wasn't unusual for you to be focused on your phone, but for you to giggle at it openly? They thought you had gone mad from looking for a mystery cutie. Little did they know, you were simply feeling your feelings for him, the mystery cutie you now know as Hyunwoo.

You were walking with your friends after your last class of the day, happy that not only you were finally able to meet up with Hyunwoo after waiting for quite a while but also because you both orchestrated a surprise for both of your friend groups.

"I'm really worried for you, you haven't stopped smiling all day!" Haewon said, trying to get you to stop walking so fast and to talk to her. But you shrugged her off gently, stopping at where you had promised to meet Hyunwoo, under the cherry blossom tree where you and he each got your taste of the universe's prank. "Haewon, guys, I swear I'm totally fine!" You pause to shrug your laptop back to a more secure position on your shoulder, "I'm not being weird, okay? I'm just... Happy, I guess? Giddy, maybe," you grinned and it didn't reassure them whatsoever. Before either one of them could say anything, you heard someone calling you from behind and when you turned around, you saw Sumin, Hyunwoo, and the people Hyunwoo had introduced to you (informally by showing pictures of them and telling you their names), Yujun, (the cutie you asked to sit with you that one time, Yechan, Minjae, and Jinsik. "Oh!" Sumin grinned, walking faster to you with his arm around Hyunwoo's shoulder, completely oblivious of Hyunwoo's knowing smile. "Hey, (y/n)! How have you been?" he asked, "Good, Sumin, I'm glad our paper hasn't killed you like you said it would," Yechan and Jinsik snickered at this while Yujun tilted his head to the side and his lips widened into a large grin, "Oh, you're the girl who helped me find a sat for lunch last week!" he exclaimed. At this revelation, Hyunwoo raised an eyebrow at you but you just casually (while trying your best to be lowkey) waved him off as a sign that you would tell him later. "By the way," Sumin stepped up, bringing Hyunwoo to focus much to your surprise, "(y/n) I'd like for you to meet my good friend-"

Your friends' and his' jaws dropped hard onto the ground when they saw you grinning widely and reaching a hand out to Hyunwoo's tuft of hair. "I see you decided to FINALLY let your mop down today," you teased which made Hyunwoo chuckle. "Yeah, I know you said you liked my hair like this and look," he stepped out of Sumin's hold (to which Sumin's hand just flopped uselessly next to his body) to spread his arms wide, showing off his look, "I'm wearing a cardigan too!" You have to admit that you couldn't help but bite your bottom lip at his adorable navy and light blue heart cardigan and Hyunwoo couldn't deny that seeing you look at him like that made his chest puff out with pride. Yujun and Yechan began clambering and reaching to clutch each other when they saw Hyunwoo reaching out to grab your laptop bag from your arm and offered his elbow to you. With a tilt of his head, Hyunwoo made a show to you (and his friends for good measure) when he said, "Shall we?" to which you gratefully accepted. Before you both took off, you turned around slightly and look at Hyunwoo's friends, "Told you his mystery girl was someone from Sumin's class." And Hyunwoo took a look at your friends with the most charming smile he could muster, "Aren't you glad the things that happened to (y/n) led her to this moment?"

As you both walked away, your friends and his began erupting into exclaims of disbelief and surprise but also relief. It was absolutely priceless and you would have definitely paid to see it in slow motion and to know exactly what they thought or said when it finally dawned upon them what had just happened. Overall, you both were just glad that things worked out in the end, everything worked out perfectly fine and oddly enough they all happened in one place.

Something told you that from that day forward, you both would love that stupid cherry blossom tree.

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[imaginationofomi]

Come Together

Seven

Nayeli wanted to go home, her craving for her tempur-pedic mattress so strong that she almost bailed on her friends. She should've left when her instincts first told her to. Tension made her neck stiff, and it was difficult to turn her head. She pushed through anyway, driving into the neighborhood of single story stucco houses and parking in front of the peach one with russet roof tiles two lots from the corner.

April's white garage door was open. Four men sat around a card table with beer, tumblers of liquor, and cigars inside the makeshift man cave playing dominoes, one of which was her fiancé, Ruben. They waved at Nayeli as she walked up the driveway, and Ruben got up to open the door for her.

"What's up, Nayeli? How you been?" he asked and grabbed one of the two bags she was holding.

"Good. You?"

"Same. Can't complain."

"You don't see me?"

Nayeli did a double take at the second man speaking to her, "Bryce?" she questioned because even though he looked like her ex-boyfriend from undergrad, there was something different about his face. He'd finally lost the round softness of the baby face he couldn't seem to get rid of while they were together and the first few years after, replaced with angular cheekbones and a sweet jawline.

His beige skin was a little sunburned on his cheeks, still clean shaven with a few blemishes near his chin. Starter locs hung just above his ears that now housed two tiny gold hoops. Pink lips stretched into a crooked smile.

"I'm that easy to forget you gotta question me?"

"No, you just don't look like you," she said and walked around the card table to give him a hug. They parted amicably, realizing that they weren't right for each other before resentment settled in and made their lives hell. Their relationship was the reason April and Ruben met, Bryce being Ruben's cousin, so they both lucked out where maturity was concerned. Gatherings would never be uncomfortable, "You finally look like you're grown."

"I'll take that as the compliment I know it was meant to be," he replied with a chuckle, hugging her waist with one arm, "What happened to the fro?"

"I'm letting it grow out. I might bring it back after the New Year." The decision was still very much up in the air, "Let me get inside before somebody calls me a traitor for hanging out with the men." Bidding them goodbye, she stepped through the open doorway and thanked Ruben for carrying the other bag to the kitchen. April was blending a pitcher of margaritas, and from the looks of the mixer bottle, it was the second one, "Sorry I'm late. I got the snacks!"

"Thank God. We need you in here," April sighed.

"How bad is it?"

"Worse, and Renée is not helping."

"Whose bright idea was it to invite her? Ray Charles could've seen that red flag." Nayeli loved Renée, and even she would've had the good sense to leave that woman off the guest list. Why pour gasoline on a fire? Everyone would be liable to get burned.

"She was with Morgan."

"Lord, I've had enough drama for one day," Nayeli mumbled to herself as she massaged her temples, or at least she thought she did.

"Something happened on your job?"

"Too much happened. No time to talk about that. We have to cheer Brittany up."

"There is no cheering her up. We need to keep her from throwing herself off the tallest building in the city."

"She wouldn't do that."

"I wouldn't be so sure." April stopped the blender and took the top off, pouring out a drink for Nayeli and taking the pitcher into the sitting room where the rest of their friends waited with empty or half empty cups while Nayeli grabbed the bowl of white corn tortilla chips and two kinds of salsa.

"Hey Britt."

"Hi." She was red-eyed, puffy and congested, her head resting on the arm of the couch with her knees curled up to her chest, "Did you get the tomatillo salsa?" she asked weakly.

"Mhmm." Nayeli sat down next to her on the floor and rubbed her arm.

"Thanks."

April was streaming Spike Lee's She's Got Have It, the majority black and white film holding most of the attention in the room. The women watched quietly and snacked. Sniffles could be heard, and Nayeli made sure to keep a comforting hand on Brittany, even going as far as to kiss her friend's cheek when she sobbed.

The noise was familiar to Nayeli. She wanted to join the crying, but she kept her tears at bay and the focus away from her own crisis.

Renée, indeed, made the situation worse with her snickering. Whatever beef she had with Brittany made it impossible for her to behave like she had any regard for another woman in pain. She found joy in Brittany's suffering, and beef was never that serious to Nayeli or anyone else in the room.

"I think it's time we plan our annual girls trip. Which seasons are we looking at?" Morgan said as the end credits started to roll.

"We should probably do it closer to summer."

"Anywhere we go then will be super crowded. I'm not trying to spend my vacation in a sea full of musty college kids," April said with her mouth frowned up.

"So March and April are out. That's prime spring break time."

"Shouldn't we decide where we're going first? That'll make it easier to plan the time of year," Nayeli pointed out. Certain places had better or worse weather regardless of the month traveled. They could find somewhere warm in the cooler months or vice versa.

"You might be right. We did Tulum this year. Are we thinking out of state, out of the country, or local?"

"Let's go out of the country again."

"Somewhere in Europe this time!"

"Party in Ibiza!" Morgan shouted and raised her cup.

"What about Amsterdam?" April threw in.

"Do they like our people over there?" Renée asked.

"HOW CAN YOU GUYS SIT HERE PLANNING A DAMN VACATION WHEN I FEEL LIKE MY CHEST IS ABOUT TO CAVE IN!?" Brittany screamed, halting the conversation as everyone looked at her with wide eyes. It was the most she'd spoken since Nayeli got there, and a fresh wave of tears slid down her damp cheeks.

"We were trying to keep your mind off that bum," April answered and bit her tongue before she said anything else. Only she knew why Brittany was at the end of her rope, and if she hadn't just gotten off probation for assaulting someone at her previous job, she would've driven across town to handle the man herself.

"I still don't know what he did. Why are we here?" Morgan asked. All eyes fell on Brittany, and she pushed her face into her hands just before she started sobbing again. She tried to speak but struggled to get the words out. April revealed the secret for her.

"Dana's pregnant."

"By Jeffrey?"

Slowly, Brittany nodded and hiccuped. Nayeli was stunned, but she was the only one. Because she saw the good in everyone even when there was no good to see.

"S-she brought the test to the house. He tried to lie and say the baby wasn't his, but she has videos of them fucking as recently as last week." Renée didn't even pretend to feel bad, letting out a lengthy howl while she held her ribs and bent at the waist, "What the fuck is so funny, Renée?"

"YOU! All that harping you do about respecting relationships and women sharing dick, and you been sharing yours the whole time. With a bitch who had him first, at that. I told you get off that soapbox you love to stand on."

"It's not the same thing."

"Oh, it's not? Let's break it down and see what's real, then. He was in a relationship when you started fucking him, and you knew it. Don't try that 'he lied to me' shit either. Dana was all over social media with him and their kids. You ignored the truth because you wanted him anyway. You gave that lady hell for years over a nigga that was obviously playing you. Then you had the nerve to think you won because he married you, but she got four of his and one on the way while you're still childless and desperate after three years of marriage. The man don't even sleep in your house half the time. You love looking down your nose at the rest of the population like it could never be you, but guess what. IT IS! You're no better than the women you try to dog. I don't have sympathy for you. This is karma rightfully beating your ass," Renée shrugged and crunched on a chunk of ice.

"Née, come on." Morgan shook her head.

"What? I'm supposed to keep myself in check because her man never left his baby momma? It's not my fault she don't wanna accept that she's a sister wife."

"Renée, enough! I realize that you guys are not the best of friends right now, but why do you have to kick her while she's down? She clearly knows she messed up. If this were you right now, nobody would be dumping on you. We're here for support, not to make her feel worse. Keep your thoughts to yourself or go home," Nayeli said angrily.

"Why are you sticking up for her? She brought the shit on herself."

"I would stick up for all of you the same way. When someone is hurt, you don't pile on them. Aren't you supposed to be a mental health advocate? Or is that empathy reserved for strangers only?"

"She don't deserve empathy. She never has it for anyone else," Renée argued.

"All the more reason we should extend it to her. Stop being so damn vengeful."

Nayeli couldn't comprehend the level of hatred Renée was feeling. It was like Brittany personally wronged her, but she knew of no such incident. When Renée realized that no one would come to her defense, she pushed herself out of the chair she was sitting in and headed for the front of the house.

"Y'all can have it." The door slammed behind her, and it seemed like everyone exhaled at the same time.

"Chile, you know you fucked up when Nayeli raises her voice." April said.

"Thank you, Ellie," Brittany whispered, defeated by Renée's harsh words and tone. Feeling horrible about herself to begin with, she didn't need the extra trashing. Her husband already destroyed what was left of her self-esteem.

"You're welcome," Nayeli responded and leaned her head on Brittany's, "She's right, you know. Her delivery was piss poor, but she is right. Take this situation as a lesson, and humble yourself. God don't like ugly."

☼☼☼

Hours and several plates of tacos later, the sun had set and Nayeli was ready to turn in for the evening. Belly full, social gas tank on E, peace and quiet were the only two things on her mind until she got closer to her home. It was just after 8 p.m., and she considered the very real possibility that Jalen could still be there.

She wasn't in a good state of mind to deal with him directly. Hearing him beg for another chance to waste her time would surely set her off after the day she had.

No matter what Ezra said or did, Savannah's attitude worsened throughout the afternoon. While she never went near Nayeli, she did try her hardest to get under Nayeli's skin. In fact, she tried so hard that Carmen snapped on her in front of everyone. Thankfully, they'd sang happy birthday by then because that was the final straw for Nayeli.

A child's birthday party should never become a spectacle, but only she seemed to care about that fact. She just decided to remove herself and pray that the day carried on in peace. Ezra's disappointment made her feel weird, like she owed him an apology even though she'd been trying to leave for most of the day.

"I think I've worn out my welcome," she'd told him as she got ready to go. He tried to convince her to stay longer, but she declined and glanced at a fuming and embarrassed Savannah. It wasn't worth the problems it would cause. However, she did receive a treat on her way out. With her mother just a few feet away, Tatiana expressed how happy she was that Nayeli was there and thanked her for her cake and the rest of the desserts. Like her father, Tatiana asked her stay. Nayeli was gentle with her no, reminding the princess that they would see each other again soon.

Ezra's family graced her with sweet farewells, hugs, and promises of visits to the bakery when they were back in town as most of them still lived in LA, other parts of Southern California or out of state. She could practically see Savannah's face going cherry red and steam flying out of her ears. If Nayeli were evil, she would've laughed at her, but she gave her the same tight lipped smile she plastered on when she let her know to find someone else to try instead.

Between that and doing the emotional labor for most of her friend circle, Jalen was the very last person she wanted to see. With him leaving for LA the next morning, she decided to grant him a little more time and drove to Maxine's house.

Thankful for the open door policy, she used her key and walked inside, wedging herself between her sister and Stella on the teak, leather couch.

"I get you two days in a row? Time to play the lotto. Give me some numbers," Max said and wrapped her arms around Nayeli's shoulders.

"You're so extra. Hey Stella." She leaned over to hug her sister-in-law and rub her rounding belly.

"Hey Nye. How are you?"

"I'm alright, you?"

"Gassy. Your niece has decided she hates everything that tastes good."

Nayeli cooed at Stella's baby bump, trying to imagine what she would look like when her own belly was swollen with a son or daughter. Hopefully she'd be blessed with both.

"Three more months until she gets her eviction notice," she said excitedly.

"I'm hoping I get lucky and she comes a little early. If not, somebody will have to induce me. Max was miserable walking around with Diesel past her due date."

"Oh, I remember that. She looked like she was going to cry up until her water broke."

"Which is why you're carrying this time around," Max said to Stella.

"Speaking of, where is my nephew?"

"With Craig until Monday."

"Ooooh, what you guys got planned?" Nayeli asked.

"We're driving to Malibu for the day tomorrow. See the sights, hit up Nobu."

"That'll be a cute little date day."

"Yes, we need it. I'm sure you do, too. Maybe you and Jalen can come with us?" Stella suggested, and a sour taste filled Nayeli's mouth. Maxine hadn't shared their conversation with her wife. Nayeli didn't know whether to be upset or grateful.

"I kicked him out," she revealed, feeling uncomfortable with two pairs of eyes looking directly at either side of her face. Stella placed her hand on her stomach and sat up to get a better look at Nayeli's eyes.

"Did I hear you correctly? You said you kicked him out?"

"Yep. That's a done deal."

"I knew you could do it, but I wasn't sure you would. I'm proud of you, Baby Love," Max said and gave her sister another hug because she knew it was needed.

"Thank you." Nayeli closed her eyes and sighed. For a while, she didn't think she would go through with it either. It was part of the reason she cried so much. She didn't want to let go, but she knew that she had to. The days of her accepting apple cores, mushed peas, and stewed cabbage were over.

"What happened?" Stella asked, shocked at the new development.

"Our priorities didn't align the way I thought." Easiest way to put it without saying too much. She didn't want to repeat the story over and over again. Her wounds had enough salt in them.

"I'm sorry."

"I'll get over it. I'm not the first woman to be bamboozled, and I won't be the last."

"You seem a lot more calm and sure about it than you did yesterday," Max noticed.

"As soon as it clicked that he was only worried about his wants and needs, it was an easy decision to make. Even pleading his case, there was no compromise. It was just a no on his end. No discussion or explanation. Just no. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I'd be sacrificing my dignity if I let the relationship continue. I can't live the rest of my life only being that man's girlfriend or baby momma. I'm worth more than that."

"Damn right, you are." Maxine wanted to take her words back. Proud was an understatement of how she felt. She never thought of Nayeli as weak, but she knew she loved hard. She thought it would take more for her little sister to walk away from a relationship that spanned half a dozen years. Thank God she was wrong, "Did he go quietly?"

"No. I'm not even sure he's gone. I told him to pack the rest of his things and be out by 6 today. He was putting up a fight, but I had a party to cater. I couldn't stick around to watch him, and I really didn't feel like listening to him beg when I know nothing is going to change. He has an interview in LA on Monday, so he should be out of the house tomorrow at the latest. If his stuff isn't gone, it's getting donated to a shelter. I'm changing the locks in the morning."

"Good for you. How was the party?"

"Interesting, to say the least." Nayeli sighed again. No one could have expected the turn of events she faced. A lot of bad came with the good, though the latter did tip the scale. She was happy to be free.

"Say the most," Max urged and muted the TV.

"Grace thinks I've been adopted into a new family."

"Don't fall for it! They want free dessert!" Stella said, eliciting laughter from all three of them.

"A few people thought Ezra and I were dating. I had to shut that down quickly."

"Who's Ezra?"

"Father of the birthday girl, and let me tell you, the man spared no expense. They had a freaking rollercoaster in the parking lot."

"Why not just rent out an amusement park if you're going to go that far?"

"I didn't ask. Not my money, not my business."

"That just seems excessive for a birthday party to me. You got people to come out and build a rollercoaster that's only going to be ridden once or twice? Then they gotta take it down after a few hours?" How much money did the man have to blow, and who the hell was he? Maxine stared at Nayeli in confusion.

"I'm with you, but Tatiana is his whole world. I'm sure she got exactly what she asked for. She picked out the entire spread I made."

"I want to know why his family thought you guys were dating."

"Yes, babe," Max said, "It's time to start asking the real questions because that's a first."

"We're comfortable around each other. I guess a little too comfortable." The way she was being looked at made Nayeli nervous. She didn't want to give off the wrong impression, but playing the day back in her head, she could see how one could come to certain conclusions.

"I'm not following. Explain. You never mentioned an Ezra to me or Leti."

"Because I don't know him well. I've only been around him a handful of times." Though she knew him a bit better, now, thanks to Carmen and Brandy.

"You've been around long enough for his people to think you were together."

"I guess it's kind of easy to jump to that conclusion when a man follows you around a party."

"He followed you?"

"According to his sister. Well, she said she was watching me, and Tati's mom was calling me everything but my name to anyone that would listen so they just put ten on two."

"Okay, I need the full run-down from start to finish because there's scalding tea you are not pouring, and I don't appreciate it. You got in good with the sister and got issues with the baby momma all in one day?"

Nayeli decided not to make things worse for herself by mentioning that she met majority of Ezra's immediate family and spent a significant amount of time with them, that she spent some time alone with him and on their own with Tatiana.

"It's not tea. I just don't have all the details. They don't get along, so he didn't communicate to her that we were coming. She thought we were trying to crash the party and got snippy, and he checked her. She hated my guts after that. She tried to make me leave and everything."

"Please tell me you cussed that hoe out."

"I politely let her know not to mess with me. A curse word was used."

"Man, hell no. You're better than me. Ain't a check in the world worth some bitter baby momma drama."

"Listen, I didn't even need the instructions. I was trying to leave before she came up to me because I knew she had a problem, and I didn't want smoke. Ezra and Tati asked me to stay."

Maxine's eye twitched, and she looked at Stella who was already looking at her. Yeah, Nayeli was definitely comfortable.

"Why?" Stella asked.

"He said he has a good feeling about me."

"It sounds like he wants a taste of the honey pot to me," Max teased.

"I have nothing to taste. Being only a few hours removed from a relationship can make anyone dry out for a while." And seeing the aftermath of not one but two relationships that had blown up, she wanted to steer clear for the time being. She had a lot to prepare for in the upcoming months.

"It's the opposite. Most people get under someone to get over someone else."

"When have you ever known me to do that?" Nayeli asked.

"Never because you wanna be Mother Teresa so bad." Maxine rolled her eyes and unmuted the TV as the commercial ended and Wicked Tuna returned.

"I just don't believe in creating soul ties with random people."

"But it's fun."

"Toxic."

"At least I'm real about it!" Maxine was always honest. Sometimes too honest, but Nayeli preferred it that way. She knew he could always get the real from her big sister, "How are you holding up?" she asked because despite Nayeli seeming calm, she knew the family baby was likely reeling on the inside. She rubbed the top of her back.

"I'm hurt, but I know I did the right thing. You were right in telling me that I had a choice to make. I chose myself."

"As you should. Every single time." Maxine wished she had her sister's strength. There were many times she should've walked away, but she was hard headed. Stubborn. Determined to see things through even if they were bound to fail. Nayeli had the balls to choose herself. It was admirable, so when Maxine heard sniffling and saw a few tears drop, she wrapped her arms around her sister and held her tight, "You're gonna be okay," she promised. She would see to that.

☼☼☼

Empty. Her home felt empty. Artwork was gone. Pictures were gone. The TV in her bedroom was gone. His clothes were gone. His shoes were gone. The bathroom was void of his razors and body wash.

One toothbrush remained, hers.

All traces of Jalen were gone. Just like she wanted. Nothing left behind but a hole in her chest. Truly alone for the first time in twenty-four hours, Nayeli walked into her bedroom and changed out of the clothes she borrowed from Stella into a loose t-shirt and a tattered pair of sweats. Stepping into her solace, she walked to her planter boxes and gently brushed her fingers over the leaves.

The sun warmed her skin as she spent time in her garden, breathing through the pain in her stomach. She watered her trees and veggies, allowed some tears to escape. Breathed some more until she needed to sit because she felt light headed. Tears fell faster as she sank to the grass and braced herself against the side of a planter box.

Her hand brushed across a scratch in the wood, and she looked down to make sure she didn't get a splinter. The scratches were prominent, along with the memory. They came from her nails, grooves carved from feelings of ecstasy flooding her body while Jalen plunged in and out of her on the grass.

For the third time that morning, she burst into tears.

[friedpicklesandsouthmoon]

I am at peace. I never thought I would say that. I thought the pain of what you did to me would always penetrate every part of me, yet somehow, it doesn't feel like it used too. A 3:34am text message on Friday. A cry after 9am yoga on Saturday. A year and a half later, following the weekend your brother promised his life to someone else, and yet, there I was, on your mind. It's a test, I thought to myself, a test of if I could not respond, a test of if I could resist you. It was a test, but it was also a goodbye. I responded shortly, "didn't expect to hear from you, whats going on." I waited for a response that came at 11:08 that night. I was surrounded by laughter and free flowing tequila and the glow of warmth. The text was rambling and lost, like your mind and your soul. Should I see you, I want to see you, I need to tell you something, it might be better in person, maybe that's not ok, call me when you're alone. I listened to my friends, the ones that don't know you. The ones that hate you for what you did to me. I responded short, and said let's talk tomorrow. But when I was alone, all I said was your name. "Noah." "Here," was the response. A quick exchange, "Would it be a terrible thing if I brought over a bottle of wine and we laughed and cried a bit, or is that completely out of bounds." I just responded with my address and the song, cover me up, by Morgan Wallen. I gave you an out, it is bad..but. You didn't take it and before I knew what was happening you were climbing up my creaking stairs to my new apartment that I now call home, to sit on the edge of my bed and fumble over the words "I think so" when I asked you if you were proposing. You never can answer me straight, and you didn't. We talked for a long time. You're lost, and feeling uninspired in your life. Trapped in a life you halfway want to live. Feeling like there's more but having no strength to find it. You're always looking for answers in everyone else, because you can't find them inside yourself, and so you came to me, the girl you love, to tell me that you're moving toward forever with the girl you left me for. I told you about my yoga retreat and all the healing and letting go that happened there. I told you I pictured you when I thought of someone easy to love. I pictured Wesley when I thought of someone hard to love, and I pictured her as a little girl. I told him about the vision where he fell over the waterfall. There was no anger, no resentment, no fighting or trying or crying or wanting. There just was this moment. This moment we found each other softly. I grabbed your face in my hands, "I forgive you," I said tears streaming down my face. And then you kissed me. You kissed me hard and gentle, desire and tears mixing on both of our tongues. I know it wasn't right. But damn, it was beautiful. You lifted me onto the bed and slowly took off my clothes, taking in every inch of me. You're so hot, you whispered as you knelt down to kiss my inner thighs, and then you made love to me. Not angry, not sad, not lustful, just the kind of lovemaking where you know it's the last time. A goodbye to all the love we had. When we were done, I cried on your chest and looked up at you, "do you think we'll always love each other?" "I do," you said. And we held each other in silence. Finally I looked up at him, eyes full of tears, "The saddest part about all of this, is no matter how much we could ever want this, its too fucked up beyond repair to ever go back." And we can't. And we won't. We talked and made love until 6 in the morning. You called me baby. You woke me up with neck kisses. I told you I loved you. In the morning light you had my body one more time. And when you left, you turned back and said, "I love you" and I said it back. 

Strangely, I feel at peace. I know the door has shut on us, I'm no longer bound  by the endless pain of resentment. You are who you are. You came to tell me you are marrying her, yet you did it while telling me you loved me, and that alone is enough to confirm, you are not for me. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, but a thing that you can't force yourself to feel. It's something that only happens once you wring every bit of pain out of the life cloth of experience and then there's no pain left to give it any more. And that's when you forgive. "Thank you for your grace, I don't deserve it" flashed up on my phone after he left. "I can't help myself" I said, "but I appreciate those words. I treasure you and the time we had together and I only wish you happiness Noah. It's been a long road but forgiveness and time heal a multitude of sins. I only hope that you continue on the journey of facing your stuff so that you can be free." A gentle reminder that his sins became my cross to bear. A gentle reminder that he will never be who I thought he was. A gentle reminder that time heals. A gentle reminder that sometimes the answer isn't what you think it is. It was a goodbye that I don't think many people ever get. I feel sad for the girl he claims to love, her life is not one I envy. The door is finally closed though. I wonder what I'll feel in a few days, a few weeks, a few months, a few years..but for now, I feel at peace. I know maybe this was all wrong, but what about us was ever right. It was only right for the moments like these. I am thankful that I got to hold you, the boy who I loved more than anything, and finally let you go. I am thankful that I got to say goodbye. Your life is yours now, your choices are yours, and so are mine. In some ways maybe this is harder, it was the best time I've had with you, and it's funny how that works. In some ways we never made sense. And so, I keep this secret, you and me, my goodbye, my love, the one who broke me in a million pieces, it is finally over and I am finally free. 

[raksha-the-demon]

It occurs to me that Zuko never really seems to show Azula any love, care, or affection, while Azula makes a real effort to show these to Zuko and to protect him(but he's demonized her to the extent he can't understand that). It also seems like Zuko feels very little empathy toward her, and he tries to murder her in "the Avatar State" when she was basically letting him escape. Do you think that Zuko might be a far worse sibling to Azula than vice-versa? I'm sure that writers didn't intend that

The relationship between Zuko and Azula definitely seems one-sided from what we’re shown, but we’re also not given much to go on. We see very little interactions between them from before Zuko’s banishment, and everything after that point involves some major imbalances in the relationship. Zuko has some serious resentment for Azula by the time the show starts. From his perspective, Azula is the one who always has their father’s approval, who was never permanently marked as a disappointment, and who got to stay. 

Zuko should be angry at Ozai, but it’s hard for a kid to admit that their parent failed them. But blaming a sibling? That’s much easier. So Zuko looks at Azula and sees everything he wanted but couldn’t have, and convinces himself that she’s the problem. Every interaction he has with her is colored by that perception.

Meanwhile on Azula’s end, she sees Zuko as just her kind-of-a-fuckup big brother. The rivalry that basically defines Zuko’s life isn’t really a factor in Azula’s, because she’s so far ahead of him in every category Ozai cares about. She doesn’t have any misguided anger toward him, because he doesn’t have anything she wants. She has no reason to really even dislike him for most of the story, and may not even fully grasp the extent to which he’s demonized her in his mind. She just knows that Zuzu isn’t a threat to her.

The other key thing, I think, is to remember that Zuko’s banishment didn’t only affect him. From his perspective, he was severely punished while Azula never has anything bad happen to her. But from Azula’s perspective, her brother, one of the few people she’s known her entire life and one of the only other kids we ever see her interact with, fucking vanished. We don’t know what the turnaround time was from the Agni Kai to Zuko being put on the boat, but we know he was still seriously injured. Did Azula get to say goodbye? Did she get to see him at all? Or was she simply informed the next morning that her brother was gone and would never be coming back?

And when you consider things form that perspective, is it really surprising that Azula might want to protect her brother and help him come home?

In conclusion, these children need therapy.

[petri808]

OHMYGODDD JUST SAW YOUR LATEST POST I LOVE IT ANGST WITH A HAPPY ENDING IS JUST CHEF'S KISS. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE 42, 49 and 13 FOR NALU PLEASEEE CAN'T WAIT TO READ ITT

😳 Ya’ll really love angst huh? Lol okay, sure let’s see what I can come up with. 😊 “You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!” + “I’m pregnant” + “Im too sober for this”

Lucy’s knees weakened and sent her crumbling to the bathroom floor. Why was this happening to her?! She’d just finished college and was about to start her paid internship with a local newspaper. ‘What am I gonna do?’ Lucy gripped to the stick in her hand as the tears trickled down her face. This could derail her future before it even started— all because of one slip-up. How was she going to tell Natsu… Not knowing who else to talk to, Lucy turned to her best friend Levy McGarden. She texted the woman and drove over to her friends apartment in dread.

“Oh, Lu…” Levy hugged her friend tightly before pulling her into the small apartment. She sat Lucy down on the couch, then made them both some tea. “How you feeling?” Levy asked as she handed the cup over.

“How do you think I’m feeling?!” Lucy groaned. “I feel like I’m in a nightmare.”

“Are you sure the results are correct? You know those home pregnancy tests can be wrong.”

“I don’t know, I mean I followed the instructions and it didn’t give an error sign.” Lucy pulled the stick from her pocket. “See?” She showed it to her friend. “Two lines.”

“Oh— yeah, looks like it,” Levy agreed.

Lucy pocketed the test once again and hung her head. Both hands cradled the warm cup, just holding it without a desire to drink from it. “Just thinking about this is making me sick. Maybe I can just pretend it’s not true.”

“Lu, that’s ridiculous. I’m pretty sure the growing bump on your stomach will make that difficult.”

“Ugh! I know!” Lucy shrieked. “Lie to me or something… Levy, I-I don’t think I can deal with this!”

“Well, you have to. And how am I supposed to lie about this?!”

“I don’t know, tell me this is a dream. Just a bad dream that I’m gonna wake up from. The test was wrong, something! Maybe it’s just a fiction story I’m working on cause I just don’t wanna think about it right now.”

“I’m sorry, but you can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did! Lucy you have to face reality.”

“What am I gonna do Levy? I can’t be having a baby!”

“Well first things first, you need to tell Natsu— I’m assuming it’s Natsu.”

“Of course, it’s Natsu! I haven’t slept with anyone else.”

“Well you need to tell him. He deserves to know.”

“I know…”

“Natsu��s a stand up guy, I know he’s going to do the right thing.”

Lucy sighed, “that’s not what I worry about. I mean having kids is something that’s crossed my mind… just not anytime soon. We’re not even married yet. Ugh! I’m such an idiot.”

“Sometimes these things happen.” Levy placed her hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Can’t go back to the past, so now all you can do is figure out the now. Do you have any idea when it happened?”

“My guess is my graduation party, cause that was the last time we had sex. I barely even remember it cause I was so drunk,” Lucy whimpered, then started to sob. “We’re usually careful but… yeah, it had to be that.”

“Come here,” Levy pulled her friend into a hug. “You’re gonna be okay. Whatever happens, you’re gonna be okay.”

The women spent a couple more hours chatting, flipping between random topics, but often coming back to this one. Lucy struggled to even wrap her mind around the reality that this is real. That she was going to have a child, when she was barely an adult herself and all the factors involved only compounded her dilemma. Her new job isn’t going to afford a child. Natsu had a decent job, but even combined it would be a struggle. They’d have to find a place together, a two bedroom house or apartment. What about the medical expenses, and the baby supplies— babies are expensive! Where was the money going to come from?

When Lucy noticed the time and realized Natsu would be coming home from work within the hour, she thanked her friend for the support and bid her goodbye. Even though she had calmed down a little, she wasn’t ready, didn’t know what or how she was going to break the news to him. So, after arriving home, Lucy tried to distract herself by cooking dinner. It didn’t really work, but at least a meal was made. Her life until now had been going well in that she had a boyfriend who treated her right, supported her while she finished her degree, even pushed her to follow her dreams of writing. And now that her degree was finished, Lucy was on her way after landing the paid internship. If she passed the internship, they would offer her a permanent position at the newspaper.

But now all of that felt like it was slipping through her fingers. All her hard work for nothing because juggling a small child and going to work… Maternity leave is not paid, so they’ll have to rely on just one income for a time, then daycare is quite expensive. Sure, there are programs that she could apply for to help or family, but that’s not the point— the point is, they are sorely not ready to become parents.

“I’m home!” Natsu called out as he entered the apartment. “Something smells good!”

“Welcome home, Natsu.” Lucy called out from the kitchen. “It’s almost done.”

Natsu detected a change in his girlfriend’s tone. Usually when he gets home, she’s in a happier mood— but not today. He threw his keys onto the kitchen island and walked up, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Everything okay?”

Whatever words she’d planned to say were thrown out the window as tears pooled instantly in Lucy’s eyes. “Natsu, it’s…”the words stumbled out, “um… I-I’m pregnant.”

“P-Preg…nant?!” Natsu took a step back in shock, his trembling hand moving to cover his mouth. “Oh, wow— I’m too sober for this,” he mumbled.

“Pregnant,” she repeated as the sobs broke free. “And alcohol is what got us into this mess!” Lucy snapped and sobbed louder.

“Oh, h-hey now, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Natsu pulled her into his arms. “Don’t cry baby, please don’t cry, I hate seeing you cry.”

“Natsu, I’m pregnant, did you hear me?! Pregnant! I can’t be pregnant!”

“Shh… I hear you,” he gently coaxed Lucy to the couch and had her sit down, then sat beside her, cradling her close. “True, it’s not the best time… but we can make it work.”

“You don’t understand, I’m not ready, Natsu. I don’t think I could handle it…” all the reasons refreshing in her mind. “I have no experience with with kids. What if we screw up? It’s just…” Lucy sighed. “I think… I’m too overwhelmed right now.”

“Okay, well— they make those things now, the, um, end pregnancy stuff.”

“I don’t know…”

“Lucy, I’ll support whatever decision you make.”

“You say that now, but later you’ll probably resent me for… kil— doing that,” she mumbled.

“I don’t know that so neither can you. All I do know is that yes it might hurt— but you’re the important thing right now, and if you say you’re not ready, then I have to accept it. Kids are never easy, I doubt all the preparation in the world can really make a difference. But Lucy,” he took her hand and held it to his chest. “As long as I’ve known you, whatever you choose to do you’re great at it.”

“Really?” She looked up with hope filling her eyes for the first time all day.

Natsu smiled. “And who better to start a family with?” He cupped her cheeks and kissed her. “Then a smart, sassy, beautiful woman like you.”

Lucy’s eyes flooded with tears. “You really think we can make it work?”

He nodded. “As long as it’s something we really want, then yeah.”

After a momentary pause, Lucy let out a long stabilizing exhale. “Okay. I’ll call my doctor and make an appointment tomorrow to check.”

“Really? Y-You sure? Because I don’t want you to feel like I’m trying to coax you into this.”

“No, I-I’m pretty— sure. Things sometimes happen for a reason, right? Maybe it’s meant to be.”

Natsu pulled her in for another longer kiss. “Guess I better hurry up and marry you then,” he chuckled.

She snorted a laugh. “I guess so mister!”

He pulled her close again, hugging her to his chest. “I love you so much baby.”

“Mmm, I love you too.”

“My own baby momma,” he teased.

Lucy slapped his chest with a giggling shriek. “Don’t you dare call me that!”

“Oh,” he grinned, “I’m totally getting t-shirts made.”

[dreamtbydaylight]

My Stones to Carry: A Mental Health Exercise

--Long post ahead!!--

Hello lovelies!

Lately, I've been doing a lot of personal work in my life. I have come across an exercise that I really wanted to share for anyone who deals with similar issues that I do, because I've found it starting to really help me in my day-to-day life.

I'm somewhat of a chronic worrywort. Recently, I've had so much burnout, I'm exhausted early in the day when nothing has really happened, and any next steps feel like climbing mountains instead of the mole hills they really are. I was advised to take a step back and evaluate why this is happening, and it starts with a simple question: "Is this my stone to carry?"

Everyone carries stones. There's big stones, little stones, unusually shaped stones. Some stones we have to carry because they're important, others people have handed to us against our will, and others still are invisible- we don't even realize we picked them up to begin with.

The thing with these stones is that not all of them matter. And if you're holding on to too many, you don't have room to pick up new ones you need to. Some of these unecessary stones are large and hard to move on your own, in which case I am a huge proponent of therapy. Some of these stones are small- but remember that the longer we hold on to something, the heavier it begins to feel. If you're anything like me, you might have a tendency to carry stones that don't even have anything to do with you. Stones that aren't even yours. They take up your mental space and energy that could be applied elsewhere. So, this simple exercise is meant to help you start laying down the stones you don't need to be carrying and lighten your load by prompting a simple question whenever something arises- it could be a situation, a mistake you think you made or did make, a memory, even a comment made by someone else.

This prompt helps you consider the situation and first determine if it's something even within your control. If it's something outside of your control, there's really no point in carrying it to begin with. For example, I often worry about the perception others have of me. For me, this exercise may start off with a simple thought:

"Man, I sounded really weird just then. Why did I say it like that? I sound so dumb sometimes. (Person) probably thinks I'm stupid. I need to be better than this."

Sound familiar at all? It's easy sometimes for thoughts to spiral into self-degrading comments and judgement. The first thing to do when you have a thought attacking your own character is to pause and notice when you're tearing yourself down. Once you've identified what's happening, you can ask yourself, "Is this my stone to carry?"

In other words, do I really want to spend any time on this? I do not control other people's thoughts or feelings about me. And it's okay to have quirks. So sometimes I sound silly. I'm not hurting anyone by doing this, and I am not a defective person. Sometimes my mouth jumps ahead of my brain and I stumble over goodbyes or answers to people's questions, even if my brain came up with a cohesive response. Is that really worth calling myself stupid over? I should hope not. This isn't something I need to worry about. It is not my stone to carry, so I set it down and move on.

Over the years, I've learned how to be harsh with myself for minor things. I've learned to monitor every word and action, every response. I collect mistakes from my past like a squirrel hoards nuts for winter. Many of us carry stones from our histories. Maybe we were different people back then, or something bad happened to us, and we just can't let go of it. We harbor guilt and resentment towards ourselves from back then.

I had major depression for five years between middle school and into high school. My opinion of myself was quite low, and I won't go into details over where it almost left me. I was an angry, bitter person, with a poor memory that made poor calls on occasion. I've forgotten entire vacations with my family between those years. One thing I do remember is those times I got snippy with my teachers, or one time in class where I thought my teacher had left and made a snarky remark about an assignment to everyone before realizing they were still in the room.

Every now and then that specific event replays in my head, especially in the evening.

"Why did I say that? What was I thinking? God, that was so embarassing. People probably laughed at me behind my back. I was such an idiot."

Having started this exercise, the next time it happened, I paused and I stared at that stone in my hands. Is this my stone to carry? It happened so long ago. I wasn't in a good place then and made a poor decision. I've learned from it and I've become a better person. I have nothing left to gain from this memory, and nothing to be ashamed of if I truly understand who I was back then and how hard I was struggling just to get out of bed each morning. It may not seem great now, but back then I was doing the best I can. This is no longer my stone to carry. So I set the stone back down.

This process can also apply to the future. I worry a lot over what tomorrow will bring, or next week, or next year. Worrying about work, about how I will do at a certain task, worrying about other things that need to get done. When those worrisome thoughts arise, it can look something like this:

"I don't know what to expect this week, what if I do that wrong? What if I screw things up?"

A lot of times, I'm worried about not performing as well as people may like me to, of being judged and not being able to plan every situation in advance. But that's just not how life works. Is this my stone to carry? I don't control everything that will happen in my future. The only things I control are my actions and my thoughts. So, I will show up as prepared as I can, and try to let life take care of the rest. Lately, I've been very stressed about finding a full-time, longer term job. I'm used to internships and school. My brain has been a trainwreck:

"What if I can't find something? What if I'm stuck in a place that feels miserable, or the people are toxic? What if I'm not good enough? What if I'm not happy? What if what I'm looking for just doesn't exist? What if no one likes me enough to hire me? What if my friends or family don't like what I decide to apply for, will I be disappointing people? Disappointing myself?"

I have felt increasingly isolated and hopeless, and the search has barely even begun! And I realized I've been scraping up stones left and right with worries over things that haven't even happened yet. Are these my stones to carry? I don't control hiring managers. I don't control what's available. I don't control my family's opinions. All I control is fixing up my resume, browsing what's available, getting clear on what I'm interested in and hitting that apply button. I control the steps I take in the process, but not the outcome. These worries won't help me succeed, they only hold me back from trying. So no, these aren't my stones to carry. And so I work on setting them back down.

What I hope this exercise does is give you a simple prompt that's easy to remember so the next time a thought or memory or situation starts to set you off and hurt you, you can take a moment to pause and look at it from a distance. See what you are responsible for and what you're not. See what matters to you and what doesn't, or what shouldn't (which can be subjective). Have you learned what you can from it? Do you have any direct influence over it? Are you being too harsh with yourself?

When you're carrying too much, eventually you crash. Even the smallest of stones become impossible to carry. So for your mental health, start learning to establish boundaries in your thoughts. Hold on to the things that matter, let go of the things that don't. Sometimes it's super hard to do that- sometimes we think things matter that really don't. It's a learning process and a skill we develop throughout our lives, but I think it's one worth having, especially for people who are sensitive to the feedback of those around them or base their success and worth on external factors. Take some of your power back and start refusing to accept stones that aren't yours.

I hope this post can be of some help to somebody, and please feel free to share this with someone that may need to hear it! I hope all of the stones you're carrying can grow lighter and that you can drop the ones not meant for you!

-Best, Claire <3

[kingofstarlightandcomets]

I like talking with you (and I like you)// Nagito Komaeda X Reader

Synopsis: The reader brings Nagito breakfast while he is tied up at the old building and they both spend time together

Tags: fluff, gender neutral reader, reader is an ultimate, set during chapter 2 of goodbye despair

Warnings: Nagito is a bit depressing sometimes

The dining hall door was pushed open with a loud noise that alerted it's occupant of someone entering the room. Lifting up his head Nagito saw his beautiful and hopeful classmate with a tray in hands, completely concentrated on closing the door with their hip.

"Hey, breakfast time." They smiled softly and Nagito couldn't help but smile back. The thought that someone had bothered to come to that despairing building just to bring him food filled him with hope. His classmate helped him sit up next to a wall and eyed him carefully.

"You're not hurt are you? Nekomaru is not exactly the gentlest guy I know." 

"No no I'm okay, no need to worry about me." Nagito shook his head frantically. He didn't want to bother an ultimate more than he was probably already bothering.

"Okay, I'm glad." They picked up the tray and put it next to Nagito, sitting down in front of him "Let's see, I got you grape juice, it has a straw so you can drink it just fine. Here's some cereal, I got this one that has the colorful pieces and marshmallows. There's also toast, I didn't know if you liked the crust so I cut it. I also brought these cookies, there's chocolate chips and m&ms. I also have coffee, but I wasn't sure if you preferred it with sugar so I brought some sugar packets."  

' did I overdo it?' they wondered looking at Nagito who had an unreadable expression on his face. His eyes seemed to shine brightly and his cheeks seemed to have some newfound color.

"Thank you very much Y/N, I don't even know what to say, I can't possibly thank you enough." Y/N proceeded to free the boy's wrists, rubbing the reddened skin in an attempt to soothe it. Nagito looked to be in deep thought.

"Is everything okay?"

" You're very kind...but there's no way I can eat all this myself. Say...would you like to join me?"

There was no way they could say no. Y/N had eaten breakfast already but it's not like they were going to pass the opportunity of spending more time with Nagito. He was a bit confusing sometimes but casting him as a dangerous freak of nature wasn't going to solve anything. They needed to decrease tension around the island, not increase it. That was the only way to fight against the despair inducing atmosphere that monokuma was trying to create.

'He's not a criminal... he's done some fucked up shit but everyone is capable of doing messy stuff. He's not the only one who could've done that. At some point desperation will consume us and more sketchy stuff is bound to happen. And if we keep treating him like a zoo animal I wouldn't blame him for snapping.'

The two classmates sat down in front of each other in the old building and ate while exchanging some small talk. They didn't know much about each other, Y/N preferring to hang out with Sonia or Togami. Nagito wondered if they weren't mad at him for killing their friend, but they didn't seem to blame him for the death of the affluent prodigy. 

"Would you mind if I asked you something?" The white haired boy inquired. His classmate looked at him curiously gesturing at him to keep speaking. "Why are you hanging out with me? Don't get me wrong, the others simply leave my food here and don't say much, but you... you're talking to me. You don't resent me. You're being nice to me. Why are you so nice to me? I don't understand." After his words left his mouth Nagito instantly regretted it. Y/N looked ready to start crying. Perhaps he was too harsh.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No no, it's not your fault, I'm a bit emotional." The ultimate dried their eyes with a napkin before talking again. "To be honest with you, I don't think you deserve to be treated badly. You're not a bad person. And honestly I just want to get along with you and possibly be your friend."

Y/N wondered why it was so hard for him to believe that someone would want to be on his company. ' Nagito komaeda what the hell happened to you?' they wondered while looking at the tall boy who looked a bit stunned. Now Y/N was sure, that boy needed a friend. Badly. And they were going to try their hardest. ' I'm going to befriend this guy so hard he's going to forget what it's like to be alone.' 

"You are definitely way too kind, to want to be friends with someone so lowly like me...I don't even know what to say."

"Don't say such bad stuff about yourself for starters...and let me be your friend."

The boy shook his head smiling softly like he couldn't believe what was unfolding in front of him. That was the brightest hope he had ever seen. 

Both of the students sat in silence. Their plates were emptied. Nagito gazed at Y/N who was looking at their hands pensively.

"You look deep in thought...may I ask what's in your mind?" He questioned his newfound friend.

"It's nothing. Just wondering if you liked your breakfast."

"It was very good, thank you."

"I can bring you lunch too. And I got some books from the library, we could read together. I have the catcher in the rye and watership down but I can get others if you already read those."

"You really want to spend the whole day with me? Don't you want to hang out  with the others?"

"I like spending time with you. You're surprisingly calm compared to the others. Mikan is still too scared of me. Gundham makes everything he can to be as distant as possible from anyone. Everytime I try to talk to Fuyuhiko he tells me to fuck off. Kazuichi is too busy chasing Sonia, and while that is very amusing to watch, it gets tiring easily, and mahiru is always with Hiyoko and I kinda prefer to be away from her. That little twerp is very good at making me feel bad about myself." They rolled their eyes proceeding to tell Nagito about what the other ultimates have been up to while he was absent. They both laughed at Kazuichi's dumb antics to get Sonia's attention, Hiyoko's new inuslts to fire at all the other people in the island and how Mahiru tried to get her to be a bit nicer and Y/N even made a perfect Gundham impression that made Nagito snort with how accurate it was.

Nagito smiled softly and decided that it was best to leave his insecurities about how good of a friend he could be aside for now. He was not about to ruin something that made him feel so good about himself. He sure hoped that him and Y/N could get along for a long time. 

[kamosweasley]

I don't want to talk - Part II (George Weasley x Reader)

Description : To read the first part and third part.

Word count : 3.7K

Warning : mention of cheating, angst

It’s been two weeks since George kicked you out. These words may sound too violent for what happened but you really feel like he kicked you out of where you found a home. It's not so much about the apartment, it's above all living with him, being surrounded by his love every day. As cliché as it sounds, you've never felt better than in his arms, and knowing you may never be able to find your way there again makes you feel terrible.

A part of you tells yourself you deserve this punishment and a part tells yourself it’s ridiculous to lose everything (including the person who matters most to you) because you love two people. You mean, okay it’s not common to be in love with two people at the same time but you can't help it, and it hasn't changed your love for George. So losing him would destroy you, because you still love him like a fool and you don't know if you will ever be able to draw a line under the life you had imagined for the two of you. But there's still hope, George sent you an owl to tell you that he wanted to see you tonight after work. He asked you to arrive a little before the store closes so he wouldn't have to wait for you. The tone of the letter was far from warm or enthusiastic but it suits you, you didn't expect him to forgive you so quickly and you will have the opportunity to see him again and discuss all this with him. You're terrified but also full of hope, if he wants to talk to you that means he doesn't just want to leave you and forget everything, right ?

So here you are, in front of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, the heart at the edge of the explosion. You were so scared to be late that you arrived an hour early, leaving you looking at the window with undisguised anxiety. You keep nipping your lower lip, your hands are sweaty and you keep fiddling with the ring that George gave you a few years ago. It was to celebrate your coming out of Hogwarts and getting your NEWT's at the same time. He was so happy to offer it to you, even though you had only been together for a little more than a year, he already wanted to offer you everything he could. He gave you so many products from his store, you almost got all the new products just a few days before they went on sale. It was important for him to share this with you and it made you happy he shares with you this passion he has made as his job. By the way, you must have forgotten it in the apartment, you didn't think to take them with you. You should have.

The door opens with the sound of a bell, suddenly taking you out of your thoughts and making you jump. It’s George, with a cold gaze and an annoyed look on his face.

-What are you doing here ? You were supposed to arrive later.

-I was afraid I was going to be late, so I didn't really pay attention to my advance. Sorry about that.

-Come in, you're going to scare the customers by staring at the storefront like that. You look like a psycho.

He moves to let you pass. You enter timidly and you immediately have the feeling of entering hostile territory. Maybe it's because Fred looks at you badly as soon as he sees you come in, making you want to disappear. You've never experienced hostility with twins, it's always been the other way around, even more so when you were the girlfriend of one and the sister-in-law of the other. It’s funny that Fred always acted as if you were a married couple. He was the only one to call you Mrs Weasley, saying it should motivate his brother to ask you. Today you doubt he calls you by his last name as he used to. After all, you break his brother’s heart, you doesn’t deserve any sweet nickname.

-Since you're here, all you have to do is help us organize the shelves, you know how it works.

-Okay, what do you want me to start with ?

-I think there are almost no more love potions on the shelf, there's a whole box of them in the reserve.

He hasn't even glanced at you, already on his way to see a customer. You’re going to get that box when Fred passes close to you, saying the air of nothing that you do not need to steal one of them. You immediately understand what he is implying and you want to tell him to fuck off, that it’s none of his business. But you don't have the courage to argue with Fred when you came to try to patch things up with George. That would be counterproductive and you can't blame Fred for being upset with you.

A few minutes later, you put the bottles on their display, being on your guard. You know Fred well enough to know it's not impossible that he might play a bad joke on you to avenge his brother in his own way. It might even be an opportunity to demonstrate a product to customers, unless you're getting paranoid. You’re just so tired of all of this …

-Hello Y/N.

-Luna ! You surprised me.

-I’m sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. You came to see George ?

-Yes.

-Great, I’m happy to see you both. It's been a long time since I've seen him, and so have you. I haven't heard from you in two weeks. Were you sick ?

It's weird to see her again since the argument with George. Curiously you don't have that odd feeling like all the other times, you just want her to go away before George sees you together. It would probably make him mad, he might imagine you asked Luna to come or she came to try to stop you from talking to him. You have no idea what might be going on in his head but you refuse to waste your chance.

-Kind of. You should go before you get sick too.

-Luna, what a pleasure to see you !

You stiffen at the sound of his voice behind your back, suddenly so warm that his sentence sounds sincere. But he's angry with Luna even though he doesn't let it show. He knows it's ridiculous because it's Luna, she didn't do anything to make Y/N fall in love with her again and she may not even know about it. But he resents her because she took a part of the heart he desires entirely, just for him.

-Hello George. I was telling Y/N that it's been a long time since I've seen you. It's a bit sad, you're good friends and we see so little of each other.

-But you have seen Y/N a lot in the last few months.

-True, but not for the last two weeks. It was as if she had disappeared, I thought she finally asked you to marry her and the two of you have stayed together ever since. It could have been a secret wedding, I think that's your type. But she told me she was sick.

-What ? Ask me to marry her ? Why would she do that?

-Luna !

-Sorry, I thought you talked about it with him.

-You wanted to ask me to marry you?

-I don't think it matters now.

-I'm sorry I embarrassed you, Rolf tells me I should be more subtle when talking to people.

-Who is Rolf ?

-She didn’t tell you ? Rolf is my fiancé, he’s a magizoologist like me. We met at work, he is adorable and very nice. I'm sure he's going to love your products, I came to buy some for him. He's going back to England in a few days.

George feels lost, he had no idea Luna had gotten engaged. If he had known, maybe he wouldn't have been so angry with you, because he wouldn't have thought Luna could dump her fiancé to get back together with you while you were in a relationship. He knows Luna well enough to know she is not that kind of woman, no matter how she feels about you she would have pushed you away and told you to stay with him. She has always been so nice and fair while he feels terribly selfish. 

-Congratulations, I had no idea. It's wonderful news, you have ... have you picked a date yet ?

-Yes, we will soon send out the invitations, you will receive one of course. It will be this summer, dad is very keen on it. Don't hesitate to come in yellow, it will make him happy.

-I take note.

-I'm going to go pay, it's closing soon. It was nice to see you again, feel free to visit me anytime.

The blonde goes to the cashier after a smile. You've never felt so embarrassed in front of George, it was the weirdest conversation and you don't know what effect it had on him.

-Why didn’t you tell me she’s engaged ?

-What difference would it have made ? You said that no matter what happened between her and me, the problem is I had feelings for her again.

-Luna would never cheat on someone, least of all her fiancé.

-So you trust Luna more than you trust me. Great …

-You're not going to get offended when it's all your fault in this story !

-George ! Calm down, the store is not closed yet.

He almost screamed while there were a dozen customers in the store, most of them looking at you waiting for the next part. Can this day get any worse ? It hasn't even been 10 minutes since you walked in and it's only getting worse.At this rate George won't even want to talk to you anymore and you'll have to say goodbye to him forever before the store closes. Resuming his professional appearance, he clears his throat to regain his composure and walks away without a word. Then you go back to what you were doing before Luna arrived, putting the small bottles carefully. You feel tense, it seems like there's not much missing for you to break down and either burst into tears or go crazy. It's like being in the middle of a nightmare, you would give anything to make it stop and wake up in bed with George's arms around you and his breath on your neck.

Lost in your thoughts and anxiety, the closing finally arrives and Fred leaves the store for the apartment above, not without giving you yet another bad look before winking at his brother. Here we are, and you just want to run away.

George comes to you, always with his mask of indifference on. It’s only a facade, you know him by heart and in truth he tries not to show he’s in pain. You're both in pain but you're the only one to show it, that's the game. All means are good to make him understand this separation hurts you and you miss him. You’re sitting on a step of the stairs leading to the second floor, with desperate eyes looking at the ground like a punished child. It's not going to be a piece of cake, he's probably going to say some hurtful words, but everything has to be said and heard.

-What about the proposal ? Were you really going to ask me ?

-I really thought about it, I never lied when I said that I love you and you are the man I want to make my life with.

He says nothing, assimilating this information with difficulty. He's still hurt and angry about what you did, but he feels it's not as he imagined it would be. He thought the moment he threw you out, you had gone to join Luna and since then you had been consoling yourself in her arms. He doesn't doubt your love for him, he saw how you were that night, but he thought you would move on with time, with Luna. He imagined himself learning that you were moving in with her, and the day you were going to get married. It destroyed him from the inside, this image, this perfect happiness that you would live with her when it should have been with him.

-You are the most important person to me, since we have been together for so long, I told myself that I could be the first one to make the proposal.

-Sounds ridiculous …

-You know that I want your kids. We already talked of this, I want 4 children and you, 5.

-Stop it. I know all of this too, but we can't talk of our future anymore. I'm not sure of our couple anymore.

-I understand. But you asked me to come here to talk. I'm trying to make you understand I don't want a future without you. Isn't what I'm supposed to do?

He remains silent, staring at the display of love potions. He stands up straight with his hands in his pockets and again you can't read him. You hate it, feeling like he's already so far away from you when the breakup isn't official yet. You're afraid he won't want you anymore and say it out loud, that he'll move on and make his life with another girl. He would have the right, nothing obliges him to stay with you, but how could you survive it ? He's the love of your life, it's the only thing that's been going round and round in your head for the last two weeks. It's him and nobody else, Luna is nothing compared to him. The tall man sighs and raises his head to the ceiling, you can see that he is chewing on the inside of his cheek. This is not a good sign.

-You understand it changes nothing for us.

-Not even a little ?

-I don't think so.

-Why ? It must change something. We both want to marry each other, we want a home and a family to build together. I told you more than I can remember that I am sorry and I choose you for ever and ever. Why isn't it enough ?

-You're going to get angry now ?

-I do, because I don't understand ! I understand you need time and you're mad about me and you have all right. But I didn't do anything to get her, not a kiss, not a look, not even a word. I never wanted to do anything with her, I was lost in my feelings and you … you say you will never need me again. How I'm supposed not to be angry ?

Tears fill up your eyes, it's kind of unfair of you to put a blame on him for his choice but you can't handle it. This man is yours since so many years, you've already imagined what your future would look like, to the kind of grandparents you would be. You want to live so many things with him, like traveling abroad, laughing at your children's mischief, celebrating your wedding anniversaries in so many different ways, just laughing every day of your life with this wonderful man. He can't take that away from you without you saying a word.

-Everybody makes mistakes, there is such a thing as forgiveness and you have to know how to forgive the people you love. I'm not saying this to make you feel obligated but because I want you to do it, because I still love you. Do you know that saying, "Love cannot be divided, it can only multiply" ? That's exactly right, I didn't take a part of my love for you to give to Luna. It's an old love that has woken up, it's something totally different. It's more like loving a friend very much or wanting the last broom, it’s unreasonable, foolish and not that strong as the way I love you.

-Is that supposed to make me want to take you back ?

-Shut up George ! I’m falling ! There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, and you heard Luna, I haven't spoken to her in two weeks ! I’m ready to do anything for you, to prove you my love !

-And you think that makes you respectable and forgivable ?

It's the most frustrating situation you've ever experienced, it's like talking to a wall. No matter what you say or what you do, he doesn't want to forgive you. This sudden realization makes you cry your eyes out. You refuse to give up your story, but it takes two to make one more, and George is sinking the ship. You don't know what's more powerful between despair and rage, but you're falling apart again. So it's really over ? He asked you to come here to finish you off like this ?

-George, I’m begging you … Don’t do this … Please, don’t leave me …

-I love you from the depths of my being, I was ready to give everything for you. But I can't give you my forgiveness, and above all I know I can't give you back my trust.

-But I don't understand ! I didn't cheat on you, I didn't do anything with her, she doesn't even know what happened ! I ignored her, I left you alone waiting for you to come back to me to talk and try to make things right because we love each other and this story doesn't change anything about OUR story !

-It changed something.

-No it doesn’t ! Maybe you’re afraid and you don’t trust me like before, and again I understand it and accept it. You’re hurt because you feel betrayed, you wanted to be the only one I love and unfortunately this is not the case but you still want me. In spite of everything you feel and what you told me, you still want me to become your wife and to raise a family together. You still want to offer me your newest products in advance and find me every night at the apartment. Because you know as well as I do that we are meant to be together. We survived Umbrage, we survived the war, I was always there when you needed me and you did the same. This love that unites us, it’s different from the one I have for Luna, it’s much more powerful and indestructible. We can break up if that's what you really want, but you know as well as I do that this love will never die. And you'll miss me every day of your life because I'll miss you too. I’ll love you forever, and I can’t do anything against that. 

-You’re cruel. Do you really think I'm happy I have to break up with you ? I'm not because you are ... everything I've ever wanted. I've always felt lucky to have you, I was sure we would make it. I’ll love you forever too and that’s the problem ! I can't escape you while you are hurting me, you will make me suffer all my life because I will have to try to run away from you all my life !

-You don't have to run away. Especially if it means it will make you suffer for the rest of your life.

Neither of you has moved since the beginning, almost like statues with words. You are together on a path that separates into two other paths, and you don't agree on which one to take next. One is clearly a dead end while the other leaves more possibilities. But you can't force George to follow you, if he really wants to stop everything then you'll have to accept it. Even if it breaks both your hearts, you can't stop him from living his life the way he wants. You've already done enough harm, and his feelings will make him suffer for a long time if he chooses to break up, there's no need to add to it. But you're not ready to hear it so you try to save this love story that's falling apart.

-Why can't we at least try to work things out before we break up ?

-If I come back to you, I know I would forgive you and we would go back to the way things were, almost as if nothing had happened.

-And it would be a bad thing ?

-I talked it over with Fred, he told me not to be fooled and not to give you a second chance. He says I deserve better than a woman who can't love only me.

-Excuse me but we don't give a shit about what Fred thinks. He's your brother, your twin, your partner, but he's not the one living your life. You know me much better than he does, you know our history and you know if I'm honest or not.

-So why didn't you tell me about Luna ?

-See where that got us ? As soon as I realized, I was ashamed, and I knew it would lead nowhere because there is only you for me. She has never been an option, least of all when she is engaged and I was hoping we would be as soon. I know, it sounds cheesy and cliché but it's the truth. I just wanted to wait for it to go away.

-By continuing to see her every day ?

-What would you have thought if I had stopped everything suddenly ? And I really thought it was a kind of nostalgia for a time when it was simple and not painful. The more the days go by and the more I'm sure of it, I don't miss her as much as I miss you, her absence doesn't hurt as much as yours. It was stupid to go back to her like that, I know. I’m sorry George. For all of this, it’s my fault. I never meant to hurt you, but I did. And I can never apologize enough for that, I promised you I would never hurt you. I’m really sorry George.

These words ring true in George's heart, yet this is not the first time you have said these words and he already knows everything, even what you didn't say. All you've done is tell the truth you both know, and even if it hurts he can't deny it. This is the moment when he must choose between yes and no. This is the moment when no matter what his twin brother said to him, his heart beats reason. It’s true he has loved you for four years and he can’t see a future without you, that's a pretty good reason to give a second chance. 

-Come on, let's go home.

-What ?

-Come quickly before I change my mind.

Without a word, you get up in a hurry and leave the store to let George close behind. You don't know what to expect, but this opening draws you like a beacon in the night. He lets you come home, which means he wants to try. You feel like you're living again, breathing is suddenly no longer painful, everything seems a little better and a little less sad. 

-You’ll sleep on the couch.

-Okay.

-I promise you nothing.

-That’s fair.

-I hope it will work. It would hurt too much if it didn’t.

You walk side by side in the night, without holding hands as you used to do. It's strange but there's a glimmer of hope that's lit up for both of you. Maybe it’s not the end.

[marauders70s]

a collection of dumb hp-p&r text memes

dumbledore, gesturing: could a depressed person make this???

mcgonagall: your hand is literally rotting off

---

harry: sometimes I feel like arguing with you is like arguing with the sun.

hermione: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I AM SUPER CHILL ALL THE TIME.

---

pansy: you look awful

draco: what up bitch i just ran a 5k

pansy: really?

draco: no i threw up blood in the shower

pansy: that fight with potter really got ya down huh

---

harry: hey ron are you okay

ron, wearing the locket, staring straight ahead at a tree: yeah i'm fine it's just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I'm always tired.

harry: hermione it's your turn

---

sirius, at any minor convenience: everything hurts and i'm dying

---

goyle: I once knew a guy for seven years and never learned his name. best friend i ever had. we still never talk sometimes, because he's dead.

---

oliver: sometimes you gotta do a little work so you can ball a lot.

mcgonagall: that is incorrect

---

james, during house arrest: If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.

lily, from the couch: oops

---

snape, at a christmas dinner: I can still smell her hair at night

dumbledore, pouring a generous amount of mulled wine: Put some alcohol in your mouth to block the words from coming out.

---

ron: hermione, i'm not using your color coded talking planner

hermione: we need to get good grades on our OWLs!

ron: there's nothing that could motivate me to use it

hermione: well, there's nothing we can't do if we work work hard, never sleep, and shirk from all other responsibilities in our lives.

---

harry: Professor, I wanna go home early. Ooh, hold on actually, hang on. Yeah, no, I wanna quit and never come here again.

---

ron: i'm going to tell you all my secrets

hermione: you don't have to do that

ron: I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks

ron: I didn't actually break charlie's wand all the way I just hid it and forgot where

ron: I don't know who scrimgeour is and at this point I'm too afraid to ask.

ron: when they have 2 sickles a scoop on salamander eyes i'm not sure where the rest of the salamander goes

ron: when i was a baby fred turned my teddy into a spider and i got so scared my mum took me to a mindhealer and they wrote a textbook about me

ron: i once threw a garden gnome so hard that it hit my sister in the face and began attacking her

hermione, looking up from her book: what did ginny do?

ron: she bit it and it ran off.

hermione: classic

---

severus: no matter what i do nothing bad can happen to me. i'm like a white wizengamot official who pretended they were mind-controlled after the fall of the dark lord

lucius: I resent that

---

sirius: thank merlin my great uncle alphard just died so I am fluuuuusheeeeeed with galleeeeooonsss

remus: I'm going to regret this flatshare

---

seamus: i passed up a gay halloween party to see this troll. Do you know how much fun gay Halloween parties are? Last year I saw three Peverell Brothers make out with three Viktor Krums. It was amazing.

---

luna: We need to remember what's important in life. Friends, unpredictable creatures, and school. Or unpredictable creatures, friends, school. It doesn't matter. But school is third.

---

tom riddle: I totally hear you, but I also don't like what you're saying. So if you say no, I will release a giant snake in the bathroom

---

luna: would you like some -

hermione: no! I am going to run for minister of magic someday, so no, thank you. I mean, not that I haven't - I ate a brownie once at quidditch cup party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn't any potions in the brownie, it was just an insanely good brownie.

---

sirius: do i look like the kind of person who drinks water

---

neville: flying is the worst. I know it keeps you healthy, but merlin, at what cost?

ron: okay, you don't have to join the pick up game -

neville: no no i want to be included. i'll come

---

james: What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring really loudly at me.

sirius: that's not right

---

mcgongall: I think you’ve got several options. They’re all terrible…but you have them.

peter: this career counseling session is getting a bit intense

---

neville: how are you handling the...breakup...

ginny: I’m gonna buy some sweat pants and a Gilderoy Lockhart novel. Might as well lean into it.

---

dumbledore, in the staff room, extremely intoxicated: Who hasn’t had gay thoughts?

---

james: Goodbye, Lily Evans, my head girl partner. Hello, Lily Potter, my fallopian princess.

lily: i should have never married you. or at least made you wear a condom

james: what's a-

---

sprout: I’m a simple lesbian. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and man-killing plants.

---

sirius: A couple more rules: if you ever read a sad book, you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you’ve been crying. There’s no noise allowed on Mondays. And no magic after breakfast.

peter: er i'm sorry this was the dorm assigned to me...

---

remus: Hogwarts Library is headed by the most diabolical, ruthless bureaucrat I’ve ever seen. She's like a death eater but instead of avada kedavra and crucio she uses shame and shhhing.

james: she wouldn't let him into the restricted section without a note

remus, choking back tears: I AM A PREFECT

---

pansy: I have never flown the high road. But I tell other people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.

---

hermione: If I had a stripper’s name, it would be Equality. for house elves and all beings.

ron: if i had a stripper's name it would be sugar striped candy pole for my -

harry: hermione, DON'T -

---

sir cadogen: You know, in the 1880’s, there were a few years that were pretty rough and tumble here at Hogwarts. This depicts kind of a famous fight between Morpheus Rane, a prefect in Slytherin house, and Wilhemena Batlock, a Hufflepuff seventh year. The original title of this painting was ‘A Lively Fisting.’ But y’know, they had to change it for…obvious reasons.

---

bellatrix, in the afterlife: i regret nothing. the end.

---

harry: I don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like a hundred years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.

tofty: I'm sorry but you WILL have to repeat your history of magic OWL

---

james: Lucky for me, I’ve processed all my feelings. And I’ve gone through the five stages of grief - Denial, anger, picking on Peter, cat adoption, reckless dueling, cat returning to the adoption place, reading all Martin Miggs books in the series (what i was picking on peter for actually), and not giving a flying fuck.

remus: you can't say fuck

james: oh great i'm going to have to start the process all over again.

remus: peter, you'd better run

---

dudley: I’m allergic to magic candy. Every time I eat more than 80 sweeties I barf.

fred: how about...81

---

sirius: I’ll have a glass of your most expensive red wine mixed with a glass of your cheapest white wine served in a dog bowl. Silly straws all around, please.

remus: this is why we can't date in public

---

neville: I’m gonna get drunk and then I’m gonna order a three course meal where each course is made of dessert.

---

arthur: I promised myself I was not going to cry tonight, and I’ve already broken that promise five times. But I will not break it a sixth.

bill: dad maybe you shouldn't give a toast while fleur's family is still here

---

gilderoy: I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well.

---

pansy: Use him. Abuse him. Lose him. That’s the Parkinson motto.

draco: I thought the Parkinson motto is don't look at me you whore.

pansy: the motto is really more like a chapter book.

---

harry: You’re ridiculous and pureblood rights is nothing.

voldemort: wow

---

tonks: I would like a glass of red wine and I’ll take the cheapest one you have because I can’t tell the difference.

sirius: cheers i'll drink to that

remus: put. the bowl. down.

---

eh, and just one for the road: “I wonder who else was born in Eagleton. Voldemort, probably.” – Leslie Knope

[hellchilde]

The Thing With Feathers

wow it feels like ten million years since i posted a real fic

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Sòng Lán | Sòng Zǐchēn/Xiǎo Xīngchén, Song Lan | Song Zichen & Xiao Xingchen, Xiao Xingchen & Xue Yang | Xue Chengmei

Characters: Xiao Xingchen, Song Lan | Song Zichen, Xue Yang | Xue Chengmei, Wen Qing

Additional Tags: Disabled Character, Blindness, Blind Xiǎo Xīngchén, Lack of Communication, Established Relationship, brief scene with blood, Recreational Drug Use, (but it's just weed), Alcohol, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Cock Warming, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Reincarnation Vibes

Words: 8970

Summary: Sometimes, all you need to throw your life into sharp focus it to stumble over a dying criminal in the street and let it consume your life.

Or: Xiao Xingchen finds Xue Yang injured alongside the road and the rhythm of the carefully constructed life he has with Song Lan no longer seems entirely stable.

It happens when he's walking home from class.

This time, the reason for Xiao Xingchen's loss of vision is not so noble or meaningful. Sometimes things happen for a reason, but sometimes things just happen and it's shit luck and you have to make due with the cards you're dealt. Sometimes you're too young when your vision deteriorates to nothing, but at least that means you don't have to see their pitying looks in the encroaching darkness. But sometimes, there is a good man who is there for you and can help you pick up the pieces when your life changes too quickly for you to deal with. That is a spot of good luck, because this man is someone you love and could picture a life with, even if it's not the life your parents had intended, or the life you set out to start back when the possibilities were endless. This time, Xiao Xingchen learns the lines of Song Lan's face with his fingertips before his sight is completely gone, and lets him reshape their lives to accommodate this unforeseen obstacle to what could have been a story of happily ever after.

With a white cane in hand and a determined set to his face, Xiao Xingchen walks the increasingly familiar path between home, subway, school, subway, home. Never did he plan on learning a new language in his late twenties, but that language is braille, and he refuses to be totally helpless in a world designed against him. Audiobooks help, but he can't listen to them while he walks, has to stay vigilant with his remaining senses or let himself be pummeled by people who won't see him. Shame the onus has to be on him. So it might be dark, but maybe it's not, when he trips over something and sprawls inelegantly, embarrassingly to the ground. His cheeks and ears are burning, he dropped his cane but finds it quickly. Stupid, stupid, he should have felt it.

He reaches back to feel what he tripped over, and feels fabric, flesh. He gropes his way up, increasingly concerned when the person doesn't move or make a sound, and he smells blood. Then finally he feels the blood, sticky and warm but cooling, and is worried he is feeling a corpse until he feels the chest rise and fall and hears the wheeze of breath. He snatches his hands away, worried, and scrambles for the phone in his pocket. It has a voice-to-text option, and that makes up for the lack of buttons. He's never had to dial 9-1-1, and he thinks his voice on the line to the operator is nervous and panicked. He can't even tell her for certain which street he's on, except that it's five blocks from the campus where he had class.

That must be enough. The EMT's arrive and take stock of the situation, and they reassure him, and when he asks them if he can ride in the ambulance, they agree without too much argument. The ride to the hospital is horrible, though, because he has no idea where he's going or how far away and every turn makes him motion sick. He still doesn't consider leaving behind the man he found. The emergency room is chaotic, but one of the EMT's spares the time to lead him out to the waiting room, and someone eventually gets him some water.

“He's in surgery, and then they'll be admitting him for observation,” one of the staff says to him. He's already given his report to the police, explained his innocent side. He's not a suspect for what appears to be a violent crime, but they took his contact information. Otherwise, Xiao Xingchen doesn't know much. “You don't know him, so … you can go home if you want. I'm sure he would appreciate the kindness of a stranger.”

“Were you able to find an emergency contact?” he asks. So far, he has been the only visitor present.

“No,” the staff says. “Don't worry, the police are looking into it.”

“I would prefer to stay with him,” Xiao Xingchen says, because he does always try to be noble, even without a sword in his hands.

The staff member, maybe a nurse or a receptionist but probably not a doctor, reaches out to touch his hands where they're clasped protectively around his cane. He makes a face because he wouldn't have accepted the touch if asked permission, but at least it's kind. “You're a good man,” the staff member says. “We'll help you to the waiting room near where he'll be resting.”

At some point, someone gives him a sandwich wrapped in plastic and a cup of coffee. The sandwich is ham and soggy, but he eats a little of it, and the coffee tastes old and watery. At some point, Xiao Xingchen sleeps in his chair. At some point, someone informs him that the man made it through surgery and is sleeping. At some point, Xiao Xingchen awakens to the feeling of his phone buzzing in his pocket.

“You didn't come home,” Song Lan's voice says, strained. “I was worried.”

“I'll be home soon,” Xiao Xingchen replies. “I have to make sure he made it through. I'm the one who found him, it's my responsibility.” He doesn't like the hospital, which is cold and antiseptic, and his chair isn't comfortable. He's still going to stay. He has to, even if he has to rely on the kindness of strangers to find the bathroom.

Song Lan sighs, too familiar with this side of him. “Call me to come pick you up,” he says quietly. “The hospital isn't far.”

Xiao Xingchen says goodbye and hangs up and only resents a little that the offer makes him feel helpless. He rubs at his eyes, which feel gritty and sore, and locates the remains of his soggy sandwich to at least get something in his stomach. He listens to the sounds of the hospital around him, beeping machines and ringing phones and quiet voices and people rushing by in non-skid shoes. He seems to be politely ignored, or perhaps forgotten, but he doesn't know how long it's supposed to take until he learns what happened.

At some point, another member of staff approaches him and sits beside him, clearing her throat softly. “I have some news, Mr. Xiao,” she says, accented Mandarin. He tries not to be insulted that they think his English isn't good. “The police have found out the identity of the man you found. Apparently … he's wanted for murder, and some other crimes. He works for some very bad men.”

Xiao Xingchen frowns, the information hard to take in. A criminal? He saved a criminal?

“You did a good thing,” she continues. “They'll bring him in to face justice. They wanted me to thank you.”

He manages to nod, trying not to reveal how shaken he is by the news. Why should it bother him so much? He doesn't know this man and has no connection to him other than finding him mostly dead on his walk to the subway. And yet he still feels betrayed. He did something good, he saved a man, and he turns out to be a criminal. It doesn't feel fair, but so little in his life feels fair.

His intentions have been to stay until the man wakes up and introduce himself, get to know him, but he no longer wants that. Instead he digs out his phone as soon as the nurse leaves and dials Song Lan's number to request a ride and pulls himself to his feet, legs feeling stiff from a long night spent in an uncomfortable chair. He still has that feeling that he should at least peek in on the man that he saved, but then, what's the use in that when he hasn't peeked at anything since his vision gave up on him?

It doesn't take very much help from others to make it down to the front of the building and out the doors – the elevator had braille, and the flow of traffic was relatively logical. He takes a breath of fresh air and stands by the curb to wait for Song Lan, his cane clasped in his hands. He hasn't bothered to ask the time, but by the temperature outside and the birds and the angle of the sun he can feel on his skin, he guesses it's midmorning. He's been out all night. No wonder Song Lan was worried.

He hears the car, and the door opens, and there's Song Lan's voice instructing him to get in. He reaches out to feel the edge of the car door and then climbs inside, settling gratefully into the familiar passenger seat to let Song Lan pull away from the hospital.

“Did he wake up?” Song Lan asks after a few moments of silence.

“I don't know,” Xiao Xingchen replies, collapsing his cane back down to make more room in the footwell for his legs. “They told me they found out who he was. A criminal wanted for murder, with mob connections. I didn't want to stay after that. I'm sure they'll arrest him.” He's still not sure how he feels about that. Bad, bad, like there's rocks in his stomach.

Song Lan thinks about that, his driving much smoother than that of the ambulance, mindful of not taking the turns too quickly. “Well, it's a good thing he's off the streets,” he says at last. “And good that you didn't let him die. It's best that he faces the consequences of what he's done.”

Xiao Xingchen nods and chews on his bottom lip, turning towards the window to feel the sun on his face. He's tired, more tired than before, and he thinks he'll sleep all day even if it'll totally throw off his sleep schedule. He feels depressed, for no reason he can put a finger on. How had he been the one to stumble on that man?

He takes Song Lan's help here and there to get inside, finding it reassuring to always reach out and find him there, and then they are safely behind a door and he finds the bed and collapses into it. When he wakes up again, Song Lan is stretched out beside him, breathing deep and even in sleep. Xiao Xingchen sighs, rolls over, and scoots unobtrusively out of bed to find the cigarettes he has hidden in a corner of the closet in case of emergency. He secludes himself on the fire escape to smoke in peace and rub his temple while he attempts to figure out what he's feeling.

He hasn't figured it out by the time he's finished one cigarette, and he has just enough self control to cut himself off after one, then retreats back inside to at least pretend to do some work.

~

The next time Xiao Xingchen hears about Xue Yang (which is the name of the man he saved, that murderer and mobster and … rapist, for all he knew) he is on the news. He emerges from their bedroom one morning in search of the coffee pot and some breakfast, and Song Lan actually has the TV on, a rare occurrence this early in the morning.

“... released from City Hospital this morning, in custody of the police,” the reporter says. “Xue Yang has known connections with alleged crime lord Wen Ruohan, and charges against him include murder, arson, assault, armed robbery, and fraud. Yang will be facing these charges in a court of law, following investigation into the listed charges, and is currently being kept in custody at an undisclosed location. Yang was found two weeks ago by a civilian on the street following a vicious stabbing, supposedly an attempt on his life carried out by a rival gang. The investigation into Yang's attack is still ongoing with no suspects.”

Xiao Xingchen feels his face fold into a frown, and he steps forward until he finds Song Lan, letting him press a bowl into his hands and starting to eat without really tasting.

“I guess he can walk now,” Song Lan comments with a dry voice.

“What does he look like?” It doesn't matter. Xiao Xingchen still wants to know, to satisfy some perverse curiosity about that evil man he happened to save from bleeding out on the street.

“Like a punk,” Song Lan says. “Like a smug little punk. Like he's going to get away with all of it.” He sets his bowl down and leans in to kiss Xingchen's cheek, running his hand over the other as if he can smooth out the frustration there. “Don't listen to too much of this. I'll be back tonight.” And then he leaves, the sound of his footsteps circling the kitchen island, pausing to pick up his coat and bag, pausing to slip on his shoes, and then the sound of the front door.

Xiao Xingchen takes a few more bites of the food – it's oatmeal, and it's alright, but it's not the way he would have prepared it – and the news is still on in the background, now on to some other story that he cares less about. He puts the bowl down and goes for coffee next, still half the pot left and soy creamer set out nearby. Thoughtful. Song Lan takes care of him.

He doesn't follow the direction. He gets his tablet and sets it up to search for this Wen Ruohan guy. He doesn't keep enough track of the news to have any idea about organized crime, but once his tablet understands what he's asking of it, it pulls up some articles. The text reader's voice renders the shocking events dry and bland, but at least it's something. It makes it sound like Wen Ruohan has fingers in pretty much every bit of crime in the city, maybe further out too. Not surprising that a criminal like Xue Yang would take up with him, do some of his dirty work. The top of the pack never lets that kind of thing touch him. That's why they can't make anything stick when it comes to bringing charges against him. The movies get that much right.

His next search is for Xue Yang himself. Most of what pulls up is the recent stuff about him being in the hospital, the stabbing, the murder charge they want him for this time. Few of the articles he finds come with image descriptions, so if there are pictures, he doesn't know what they are. He can access the public parts of Xue Yang's criminal record. People keep getting his name wrong, calling him “Mr. Yang.” He listens to the text reader list the dates and bare-bones facts of the previous charges. Some of them he had been arrested for, served time. Others seemed to disappear too quickly.

When Song Lan comes home, he is still on the couch, bent over his tablet, hair uncombed and falling over his shoulders and still wearing the loungewear he had put on that morning, which doesn't really count as clothes. He startles when he suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder, too wrapped up in what he had been listening to and thinking about to pay attention to the sound of the door opening or Song Lan saying his name.

“What are you … oh,” Song Lan says, and Xiao Xingchen feels the presence of him reading over his shoulder. “I see you didn't follow my advice.”

“I wanted to know more,” Xiao Xingchen says, feeling oddly defensive. He switches the tablet dark so Song Lan can't read over his shoulder. “Maybe he's a smug punk, but I saved him. I want to know what kind of man I saved.” Why he's weirdly obsessive about this, he still doesn't understand. Why he wants to know more of these dark details. It isn't like it gives him a thrill – well, not a good thrill, that would be kind of sick. It isn't like he's ever even interacted with Xue Yang. Except that he spent a good portion of one day covered in his blood and waiting for him to wake up at the hospital, and for some reason that made it feel like Xue Yang owed him something.

Song Lan sighs so it stirs the hairs on the top of his head, then pets them down again. Not the first time Xiao Xingchen has forgotten to comb his hair, especially on days he stays in. It's a worried kind of touch. “Will you please turn it off for a little while for dinner?”

Xiao Xingchen considers being contrary and refusing, but his stomach rumbles as a reminder that he only broke away long enough to eat some pickles and crackers in a lunch that required minimal effort but could hardly be counted as real food. He submits, then, pulling Song Lan's hand down from his head to kiss his inner wrist. He rises to his feet to follow Song Lan to the table, sits beside him and takes the prepared plate. Song Lan must have guessed some of his mood that morning, because a couple of the dishes are among his favorites from this particular restaurant.

That softens him, and he feels a little bad for considering being contrary or brushing off Song Lan's worry as being patronizing. Guilty, even. Doesn't Song Lan have enough to deal with without his boyfriend being bratty? It's the unfortunate truth of their circumstances that Song Lan shoulders more of the financial responsibilities, more of the housekeeping, more of the cooking. Xiao Xingchen does what he can, and he's gotten to be a pretty fair hand at cooking even without being able to read labels. It's still more for Song Lan.

Xiao Xingchen finishes up his pad see ew, wipes his mouth clean, and gets up to drape himself over Song Lan's lap. His chopsticks clatter lightly on the edge of the plate, and then his hands settle on Xiao Xingchen's waist. Xingchen feels a smile spread over his face, and his hands slide into Song Lan's hair, and he leans in for a kiss.

Being intimate like this has changed. As his sight faded, his other senses sharpened. In some ways it's useful, like being able to so distinctly smell the differences between spices, but his skin is now also more sensitive. Every touch, every brush of lips or teeth, has the potential to be overwhelming. It had caught him off-guard at first, the sheer electricity of it lighting him up more vividly than any lit room. It had been intense enough to scare him, and hence to scare Song Lan, and since then his touches had grown increasingly light and gentle, wary of startling him again. Or perhaps it is that Song Lan is no longer so certain of sharing himself with someone who can no longer see him. He has never been the most touchy-feely person, and Xiao Xingchen wouldn't blame him if the shine of their relationship had faded by now. Occupying that strange liminal space where he was part caretaker, part boyfriend – that can't be easy.

So how can Xiao Xingchen ask for that firmer touch, the way they could get so carried away with each other the way they used to when they were younger and more carefree? What right does he have to demand even more?

He still kisses Song Lan wild and reckless, soft lips and sharp teeth catching at Song Lan's mouth, kissing the flavor of Thai food off his lips. Song Lan sighs against him, hands slipping up under Xiao Xingchen's oversized cardigan and the t-shirt underneath, circling against his waist. There are calluses on his fingers, just rough enough to feel, and at least while they're kissing Song Lan isn't protesting. Xingchen squirms slightly, trying to get his hands to slide down, as if he could wiggle them down. They stay where they are, though Song Lan's grip tightens, starting to dig into his skin.

Xiao Xingchen breaks the kiss to pant softly against Song Lan's lips, only now realizing that he has one hand tangled up in his hair, the other pressed flat against his chest, feeling the steady thud of Song Lan's heart beneath his skin. His own heartbeat feels like it's echoing that beat, knocking up hopefully against his ribs. Maybe this time … maybe this time it would work out. Maybe this time he could somehow convey the kind of attention he was craving, and maybe Song Lan would be amenable to fucking his brains out.

Sure enough, Song Lan shifts his grip, finally down even if it is over his yoga pants, cups his ass and stands up with him clinging koala-style. Xiao Xingchen has no intention of letting go, pressing kisses into Song Lan's jaw, his throat, over his lips, wherever he can reach, his arms settling around Song Lan's strong shoulders and his back arching to press closer against him. This is better, this is closer to what he wants.

Song Lan deposits him on the bed, doesn't drop him, just setting him carefully on the mattress like fine china. But still he crawls over him, whispers kisses into his skin, teeth scraping lightly down his throat. The light touches make Xiao Xingchen gasp and writhe, his skin feeling so oversensitive that he can't even stand still wearing his clothes. Song Lan hovers over him, on his hands and knees, still barely touching him except for the brush of his lips.

“Zichen,” he breathes, needy, eager.

Song Lan pulls back, and Xingchen can just weather the feeling of being watched, breathing and trying not to feel self-conscious beneath the weight of Song Lan's gaze. His fingers are still in Song Lan's hair, twisting and trying to pull him back down. He bears it for a few moments, then stretches up to try and find his lips.

But before he can make it, Song Lan's hand takes his own, unpeeling his fingers from his hair and kissing his palm before pressing his hand to Xingchen's chest and sitting up. The gesture has an air of finality to it, and Xiao Xingchen can't help it, he covers his face with his hands. It's like being blind has erased any ability he had to control his expression, and he can only imagine what his face is doing right now, because it certainly feels all twisted up and hurt and mad and frustrated.

“I'm sorry,” Song Lan says, because he isn't good at reading people but he isn't blind, and he sounds regretful. “I'm sorry, it just wasn't...”

Xiao Xingchen rolls away, taking a moment, then sits up, his back facing Song Lan. “It's fine,” he says, as though merely saying the words will make it so, and he knows his voice sounds too tight. “It's fine,” he repeats. He wishes there was a switch in his body that he could just turn off, rather than having to sit with the coiling warmth still lingering in his stomach, refusing to dissipate just because Song Lan is no longer touching him.

He feels Song Lan touch his hair lightly, then the shift of the mattress as he stands up. The ensuite shower turns on shortly after, and entertains the vindictive thought of forcing his way in and pushing Song Lan up on the shower wall and just...

He doesn't know what. Song Lan had already made his “no” very clear, and Xiao Xingchen has no intention of crossing that particular boundary. He knows there wouldn't be any coming back from that. Taking care of himself feels equally out of the question. It's not what he craves, and doing it alone feels empty.

He goes to clean up after their dinner, finding some comfort in scrubbing off the plates and plunging his hands in the soapy water. It doesn't perfectly redirect his energy, but it takes the edge off. Then he steps out to the fire escape again, retreats, cowardice. The cold, damp wind slaps him in the face, and he takes a lungful of the foggy air, pressing his back into the wrought iron to feel it dig in.

He should tell Song Lan. There are things he should say, explanations, verbalizing his desire and upset and love and frustration. How it feels to be treated as an invalid, even when Song Lan does it so soft and gentle. Song Lan will tell his part too, the part where his desire can't always keep up with Xingchen's and that particular quirk where touching makes his skin crawl, where he treasures Xingchen and wants to protect him by wrapping him up tight in bubble wrap, kept and sweet and placed high on a shelf never to be touched.

He kicks the fire escape, just to make himself feel a little better, and wedges himself in. He should have brought his tablet. He could have done more research. Without it, he just listens to the sounds of the city at night, traffic and ambulances, someone singing, a baby crying in the distance. He lets it all flow and melt around him, lets his body relax into becoming the ambient temperature of the fog, cold and misty and amorphous.

By the time Xiao Xingchen retreats back inside, his thoughts are as cool and calm as the air outside. He slips into bed, fitting into the space behind Song Lan, slotting in, his knees in the crook behind Song Lan's knees, his cold nose tucked against the back of his neck. Song Lan smells clean, and Xingchen feels sorry for earlier, silly for letting himself get carried away. He's happy here. He is happy.

That thought circles his brain as he drifts off to sleep.

~

Time passes. Xiao Xingchen dials back his research to what he thinks is a normal amount of interest. There is always news to follow – Xue Yang seems to be at the same time the media's darling and their favorite villain. The tabloids keep commenting on how he looks, calling him angelic and sweet-faced while at the same time condemning him for what seemed like an ever-increasing number of crimes. Song Lan quickly learns to simply leave him to it, and in return Xingchen can moderate himself so he doesn't lose entire days to sitting on the couch and burying himself in news and police reports.

Life is pretty much normal. There's a routine, a rhythm, comfortable and familiar. Xiao Xingchen further adjusts to life in a world that isn't built to accommodate him, his steps ever more certain on his path. He can visualize his future stretching before him, and none of it looks bad. No surprises, no tragedy. He figures losing his sight is bad enough to fulfill the quota for drama for this lifetime.

Xiao Xingchen listens to the trial when it starts. From what he can tell, this is apparently very fast, but he doesn't know enough about the American justice system to confirm that. There's plenty of media coverage on it, but despite their efforts to highlight the most exciting parts, the trial itself seems to be fairly dull, nothing like the TV shows. That doesn't decrease Xiao Xingchen's interest, but it does help to prevent him from focusing too much on it.

Song Lan has a launch party for work. Xiao Xingchen doesn't know enough about computers to know what it's really for, some piece of software or another, something Song Lan has been working on for months. It's a cause for celebration, and while Xingchen doesn't relish the need to dress up, he lets Song Lan help him with it. Most of his wardrobe is in interchangeable shades of neutral, white and black and gray – he made sure of that before his sight was gone. But it's better to be safe than sorry and accidentally choose something inappropriate or clashing. Anyway, he knows Song Lan quietly enjoys dressing him, making sure he looks nice. It suits the same part of his personality that's so good at the nitty-gritty details of code, a fierce, strict streak of perfectionism.

Xiao Xingchen has no doubt that they make a sharp picture when they arrive. He left his cane at home, since it would be too cumbersome in a party setting, and thus holds Song Lan's arm to navigate their way inside. It's a club, it smells like a club, alcohol and bodies and several layers of perfume and cologne, and there's music playing with a low bassline that reverberates in his ribcage. It's probably dark, which means that people will be asking all night long why he's wearing his dark tinted glasses. Hopefully sticking close against Song Lan's side will decrease the need to explain.

Parties like this are always a little awkward. Xingchen is friendly and willing, but he doesn't speak the same language as these technology prodigies. Maybe he could have wandered and found other partners of Song Lan's coworkers, but he was always wary of losing track of Song Lan in an unfamiliar place. And Song Lan is good, he's considerate, but sometimes he gets so wrapped up in whatever conversation he gets involved in that Xingchen falls by the wayside despite being attached to his arm.

It's still fun and interesting to be out of the apartment, chatting with people, picking canapes off the trays, accepting the drink that Song Lan passes to him. It's one of the fruity ones that he likes, but strong enough that he can taste the alcohol under the juice. He's playing the role of arm candy tonight, but he lets it be fun, lets himself be the sweet and sparkly juxtaposition to Song Lan's dry, serious demeanor. Song Lan's coworkers forgive him easily when he doesn't know the more technical details and humor him by talking about other, more accessible topics.

Inevitably, though, they turn back to talking shop, and Xingchen tries to follow but it all starts to sound like gibberish. He sighs and ceases to pay much attention to the conversation since they're not really paying attention to him, and he sips his drink, wishing the music were better. Though, of course, the inevitable result of sipping a drink all evening is that he has to use the bathroom. Xingchen realizes it with some dismay. There's no good way to bring it up without sounding like a complaining toddler, but he doesn't even know which way to point himself to find it if he were to just wander off. So he just … waits. Song Lan will have to go eventually as well.

Except the situation is steadily growing towards urgent, and Song Lan shows no indication of breaking away from his conversation, focused the way he can get sometime. Xiao Xingchen starts to fidget anxiously, hoping to somehow telepathically convey what he needs. Unfortunately, he doesn't magically develop psychic powers. He's inches from giving in to the embarrassment of asking to be escorted to the bathroom when he feels another hand on his free arm.

“Hi,” a female voice says, one that he doesn't recognize. “Song Lan, do you mind if I borrow him for a minute?”

Xiao Xingchen could curse, and desperately hopes that Song Lan makes up an excuse to keep him from being pulled to another conversation with strangers. He can't focus on being friendly when his body is screaming at him. He feels Song Lan look up in surprise, finally breaking from his own conversation.

“Oh, right, of course,” he says, gently taking Xingchen's hand from his arm to pass him over to the woman. “Xingchen, this is Wen Qing. She's a doctor and a friend.”

“Alright,” Xingchen says, voice cracking, shooting Song Lan what he hopes is a desperate look before Wen Qing tugs him away. He's panicking, he thinks he might die, he wants the earth to swallow him up. He clears his throat and touches Wen Qing's hand, her pace never slowing. “I'm sorry, I'm terribly sorry, but...”

Before he can finish, she pulls him through a doorway. Their footsteps turn echo-y, and he feels a glimmer of hope. She continues pulling, then places his hand on what feels like the handle of a urinal. He makes a sound, desperate still, and feels for the edges of the porcelain before letting go of her entirely so he can relieve himself.

“You looked like you were suffering over there,” she says, only far enough away to give him the space he needs to get the job done. “I know how Song Lan can get too intense in his conversations and forget the world around him.”

“Thank you,” he breathes, shooting a small smile in the direction of her voice. “Unfamiliar places are always a little difficult, especially without my cane. I hope it wasn't too obvious.”

“Not to the tech nerds,” she says, putting her hand on his shoulder to help lead him over to the sinks after he gets his slacks fastened up. “They might be geniuses, but they're oblivious to any kind of subtlety. Feeling better?”

“Yes, thank you,” Xiao Xingchen says again, washing his hands and then relaxing a hip against the sink. He isn't in a rush to go back out to the music he doesn't like. “So you're a doctor?”

“Cardiac surgeon,” Wen Qing clarifies. “I normally don't get to see below the belt. But don't worry, I'll remain professional.” It sounds like she's smiling too. Xingchen isn't surprised to find that she's friends with Song Lan, with that dry kind of humor.

“I wasn't too worried about it,” Xingchen says. “Do you come to a lot of these things?”

“A few. I was dating one of them for a while, made some friends. They keep inviting me, and the appetizers are good, and every once in a while I get to help somebody's poor boyfriend find the bathroom.” He feels her pull his jacket straight, adjusting his collar slightly. “So. Been together long?”

“Since college,” Xingchen tells her. Maybe she isn't very close with Song Lan, to have not heard the story before. “Actually, we met in the airport when I arrived in America. I was so lost and overwhelmed, and he stepped in to help me find my way in a new country and a big city. It was just a happy coincidence that we ended up going to the same school while he was getting his graduate degree. And then from there, it's basically just history.”

Wen Qing laughs and touches his shoulder again. “Somehow, I doubt it's 'just history,' but we can leave it at that, if you want,” she says. “That's very sweet. I'm just glad you look as lost by all their talk as I am. Do you smoke?”

“Ah...” He doesn't want to lie, but also isn't sure about how likely it is his answer would get back around to Song Lan.

“Doesn't matter,” she says quickly, taking his arm again to lead him out. “Come hang out with the wives. We're all the wives, regardless of gender.”

Together, they wind through the party, past snippets of conversation and a speaker rolling out bassline in waves. Wen Qing pulls him out of a door, and the sound of music is dampened. A comforting cloud of cigarette smoke wafts around them, and there's a soft hum of conversation.

“Hey, wives,” Wen Qing crows. “I bring fresh blood.”

“One of us,” someone chants, and Xiao Xingchen grins and gives an irreverent salute.

The wives are apparently the company he was craving. He no longer has to pretend to understand or be interested in the technobabble, and instead he can pluck crackers smothered in cream cheese and prosciutto off of the platter that they stole from the catering staff and sip from the bottle of wine that they had also stolen. He can listen to one of them chatter about a thesis project on Emily Dickinson and steal drags from cigarettes and blunts passed to him. It's closer to the way he and Song Lan operated in college, parting for their own friend groups before drifting back together, and the wives are closer to the kind of people he would choose for friends, free to be bohemian while their significant others take advantage of the tech boom and bring home the bacon.

Xiao Xingchen hasn't bothered to check the time on his phone, but it feels late by the quality of the air and the conversation. They've stopped talking about anything of substance, and he's leaning on Wen Qing's shoulder. He's a little drunk and a little high and feeling soft and easy. Song Lan's touch doesn't even startle him when it comes to rest on his shoulder.

“Let's go home,” he suggests in a low murmur, and Xingchen peels himself up. The wives moan and complain, and someone reaches for him, fingers catching on the edge of his jacket with a soft cry of, “Chen-chen, don't leave us!”

Xiao Xingchen gives his goodbyes and makes his promises to stay in touch – his phone is full of their phone numbers. He leans on Song Lan to make their way out and down to meet their car. They slide into the back seat, and their hands find each other on the seat, fingers folding together in the most intimate touch Song Lan would allow in public.

“Time's it?” Xiao Xingchen asks, sleepy and smiley and soft.

“Close to one,” Song Lan replies. He sounds a little drunk too, and his thumb runs over the space between Xingchen's thumb and index finger, fitting into the hollow. “Did you have fun?”

“Mmm,” he hums and smiles more. “They were nice. Wen Qing was helpful, and you know how useless I am when you talk shop.”

“I should have known you'd get along with them. I should have introduced you earlier. I'm sorry you were bored with me.” He snorts softly. “Chen-chen.”

Xiao Xingchen's giggle is significantly less dignified, but at least it's not too loud out of consideration for their poor driver. “You know I can't help if they think I'm cute!”

Song Lan doesn't protest, but he doesn't have to. They're back home, and he thanks the driver, and comes around to help Xingchen out of the car and back into their building. They're quiet due to the late hour, so the sound of the keys feels like it echoes in the still night air. Xiao Xingchen lets himself inside with a sigh of relief and kicks his shoes off, and opens his mouth to suggest they go to bed only to have Song Lan's lips and teeth and tongue providing an effective gag.

Song Lan backs him against the wall in the entryway, and his hands span Xingchen's waist, broad and solid. Xingchen can taste the alcohol in his breath, but he probably tastes the same. His head spins, his stomach flips, feeling simultaneously over- and under-fed on those canapes, but thrilled with possibility. The kiss is rough, with teeth, not like delicate good morning kisses or gentle good night ones that he's gotten used to. This kiss demands, and expects him to answer – and so he does.

Xiao Xingchen moans into it and grips back at Song Lan's shirt, returning the kiss with equal fervor. Sleep is no longer on his mind. Instead, he has to get his hands on Song Lan's skin or he might just evaporate. He tugs until he can get Song Lan's shirt out of his slacks and he can slide his hands underneath, flat against the skin of his stomach. His skin is warm, solid, and he can feel the frantic rate of his breathing beneath his touch. It feels like a dream, like it's so much that it can't be real, and at the same time it's so real, so perfect, everything he wants.

It feels like Song Lan needs this as badly as he does. With hands tight around Xingchen's arms he pulls him away from the wall, further into the apartment. Xiao Xingchen assumes they'll go to the bedroom, to the bed as usual, but he finds himself bent forward over the couch instead, the familiar fabric under his fingers and the back digging into his stomach. Song Lan presses against him, rubs against his ass, pushes his shirt up and runs his hands over his back. Xiao Xingchen lets out a shaky breath and pushes back against him, just as demanding and desperate.

Finally, finally Song Lan reaches around to get his slacks unfastened, pushes at them impatiently, and locates the zipper to shove it down. Xiao Xingchen squirms to help get them down his legs and winds up with them stuck around his knees, but at least it's some relief. Song Lan seems to think that's enough; his fingers grip into the flesh of Xingchen's ass, squeezing and massaging and spreading. He pants into the couch cushions, his breath coming back hot and wet against his cheeks and the sensitive tip of his cock bumping up against the back of the couch in a way that isn't altogether pleasant but at least it is some sensation. He's hard, he needs it, his skin feels like it's sparking with heat at every brush of Song Lan's fingers.

He remembers with some despair that they don't have any lube in the living room and is just about ready to straighten up, drag Song Lan back to the bedroom so they can do it properly. Then he hears something tear and feels slick fingers slide against his ass. Song Lan came prepared. Such a good, thoughtful boyfriend, even if it is frankly out of character for him to anticipate sex like this. When it happens, if it happens, there's so much delicate kissing and foreplay and it's consistently in the bed or the shower where they're prepared. But he can't even speculate on it, Song Lan's fingers feel too good, pushing the lube inside him fast, impatient. He wants to spread his legs but he's trapped by his slacks and can only pant helplessly against the couch cushions.

Thoughtfully, Song Lan's clean hand reaches down to brush his hair out of his face, tracing the line of his jaw. The fingers inside him spread once more, then slide out, and that's all the warning he really gets before he feels Song Lan's cock press steady and inexorable inside him.

The sound he lets out would be embarrassing under any other circumstance, low and broken and wet. It's been long enough that he almost can't handle the stretch. It's almost too much and makes him choke. His knees feel weak. His spit is making a wet spot on the couch cushions. Song Lan still doesn't stop, not until his hips are pressed flush against Xingchen's ass. His breath is coming heavy now, ragged. He's thoughtful again when he pauses to let then both get used to it, his hands resting on Xingchen's hips, one of them tacky with drying lube, and he pets soothingly at one hipbone like Xingchen is a skittish horse.

Like that, Xiao Xingchen remembers that he's supposed to breathe, and he takes a deep, shaking breath before letting it out loudly, and he can feel it relax down his spine. Song Lan pets him again, approvingly, then eases out of him only to slam back inside. Xiao Xingchen chokes on another cry, and that seems to encourage him, the pace rough and quick.

Time ceases to exist. Xingchen can't see, obviously, but the pleasure feels like starbursts of color in his mind. The apartment is very quiet, except for the wet slap of skin and too much lube (Song Lan was always careful like that) and their labored breathing, punctuated with moans and whimpers punched out of Xingchen's throat. It is so rough, he knows he is going to be sore, aching and remembering this for days. But it's so good too, Song Lan's cock stretching him and hollowing him out, making a space inside him. He's so hard it hurts, and his own cock is leaking. Song Lan's hand reaches down to cup it protectively, preventing it from smearing over the back of the couch. The pressure is maddening without friction to go with it, and Xingchen sobs out his pleasure, trembling and pushing back on him.

When he cums it's a punch to the gut, fingers white-knuckled against the couch cushions and a cry ripping out of his throat. His heart feels like it's hammering so hard that all he can hear for a few moments is the whoosh-whoosh of his heartbeat. But he realizes quickly that Song Lan has felt it. He drapes himself over Xingchen's back, fucking him hard and fast, racing towards the end. It must crash into him too, because he grunts and transforms into a heavy, shuddering weight, pressing him into the couch, his cock twitching inside.

Time still doesn't really exist. They might stay draped over that couch for hours, for all Xingchen can tell. His ass is sore, he can barely breathe, he's going to have bruises where the couch is digging into his midsection, and he feels like he hasn't been this happy in months. It's not just the sex – though, to be fair, the sex is amazing and a big part of it. It's what comes with the sex. He feels connected to Song Lan like this, special, needed. And then, taken care of, because eventually Song Lan straightens up and helps him up, drops down to help him work off his shoes and slacks so they can walk back to the bedroom. His arm supports Xingchen around the waist because he's for surewalking with a limp right now. He helps him get his shirt off and brushes his hair back over his shoulder and kisses his cheek, so sweet.

Xiao Xingchen makes to go to the bathroom. He still smells like smoke and wine and sex, and Song Lan won't want that in their bed. But before he can pull away, Song Lan pulls him back in close, nuzzles his hair and kisses him again in a way that makes his heart feel soft and warm, honey in his chest. He lets Song Lan lead him to bed, even though he has the distinct sensation of cum slowly starting to leak out of his body.

“Here, keep it in,” Song Lan rumbles low, curling up behind him and pressing his fingers into Xingchen, pressing it back inside. Xingchen sucks in a breath, his body feeling oversensitive and raw but good. It's not too much. Then there are some sounds behind him, and then he feels Song Lan's cock press into him again. That is almost too much, and he makes a small sound, not sure if he could handle a second round.

But it's not to fuck him. Song Lan settles, their bodies pressed close, fitting perfectly. Song Lan's nose presses into his shoulder, and he kisses there a few times. Without too much preamble, they fall asleep.

~

The next morning, of course, they are stuck together. It's a little disgusting, but there isn't a thing that Xiao Xingchen would have changed about the night before. He stirs a little, then makes a sound of complaint, his body protesting the movement from the waist down. Song Lan wakes up next, and Xingchen can practically hear his grimace when he remembers the position they were stuck in.

He's as careful as he can manage when he pulls away from Xingchen's body, pressing a gentle hand to his arm to indicate he should stay still. There are some bathroom sounds, water running, and then Song Lan returns with a warm, wet washcloth to gently wipe him clean. Xingchen has to bite his knuckle; his ass feels raw, sore and swollen. He can feel precisely how hard they went. He still doesn't regret a moment.

Song Lan treats him soft and sweet that morning, brings him breakfast in bed and combs his hair. They're both quiet, Xingchen because he's hesitant to say anything that will break the spell, and Song Lan because he seems exhausted from socializing so much the day before. Sometimes it's harder than others. Then to recuperate, he's quieter than usual, minimizing his interactions, sometimes even with Xingchen himself. Xingchen doesn't take it personally, and usually uses the time to indulge his own inner introvert and work on his own projects.

Nothing wrong with that, except that they continue to not talk about it. Xingchen can't make the shape of his desire into words, the way Song Lan's touch lights him up, the way he craves the desperate way they came together after the launch party. Song Lan's touches feel apologetic, half guilty, wary of pushing too far, like he's afraid of his own attraction. They haven't had to navigate anything like this before, where before they were coasting on instinct and now the waters feel choppy.

Xiao Xingchen finds it a welcome distraction to turn to the trial. There's no shortage of material – Xue Yang continues to be the media's darling or scapegoat by turns, sometimes both in the same article. He figures out how to find the best news channel to listen to what he can, certain amounts of testimony from witnesses and arguments from lawyers. He thinks its a small blessing that he himself was such a useless witness when it came to the stabbing incident, so he hasn't been called to court. In any case, that's how he first hears Xue Yang's voice, surprisingly young, always irreverent and teasing, even when he's supposed to be taking the court show seriously.

And it really does seem like a show. The prosecution is fighting as best they can, but the defense is barely working at all, their questions lazy and confident at the same time. The judge doesn't seem in any kind of hurry to help the prosecution when the defense steps out of line. Everything is played to the media like a huge circus, and everyone is marching towards a foregone conclusion.

Then, as quickly as it started, it's over. The media coverage disappears overnight. It's not old enough to be old news, but that's how it's treated. Xiao Xingchen has to search and search to find anything about the conclusion, and all he can find is basically a footnote stating that a settlement was reached, which sounds frankly preposterous. The charges against Xue Yang included murder! He hadn't thought it was possible that a settlement could be found against a potential murderer, especially when the prosecution had brought witnesses and evidence galore. It feels profoundly unfair, a sincere lack of justice, and he wonders how natural-born Americans feel about their supposed “justice system.”

His dissatisfaction with the finale of the trial makes it hard to put it all behind him. He struggles with sleeping and focusing on his projects and his studies, he's snappish and short-tempered and withdrawn from Song Lan. Even if Song Lan asked what is troubling him, he has no confidence that he could articulate it to any understandable degree. So Song Lan can't help, and Xiao Xingchen doesn't know how to help himself.

It's on a random day when Xingchen hears a knock on the door. That's unusual – Song Lan left for work, but he would have texted if he forgot his keys, and Xingchen doesn't think they're expecting any deliveries. He debates just leaving it, pretending he's not home, but the knock comes again, more insistent.

Heaving a big sigh, he picks himself up from where he had been lounging, attempting to read and feel somewhat productive but mostly just feeling listless. It crosses his mind that Song Lan might have gotten it in his head to do some kind of gesture, getting him flowers or something – not that flowers aren't thoughtful, but he thinks the gesture is now lost on him since he can't see them. He doesn't think he brushed his hair this morning, but this delivery man will just have to tolerate him looking a little messy. He finds the door and opens it, trying to put a pleasant expression on his face.

“Hello, can I help you?” he asks, and waits for a response.

None comes. He waits a few moments, then frowns. Was something dropped off? He considers bending to check for a box, but there's a feeling rising, a prickling feeling on the back of his neck that tells him he's being watched. But if there's someone there, why aren't they speaking? Why aren't they telling him why they're there? Belatedly, he realizes this might be some kind of burglar who could take advantage of him. He doesn't have a weapon, but there's an umbrella in the stand next to the door and knives in the kitchen, and though it's been years he still has his martial arts training. How much that will help, he doesn't know, he hasn't even attempted to fight anyone even to spar since he lost his sight, and he doesn't think running through the exercises and stretches in the morning will really help if someone actually attacks him.

Whoever is at the door still hasn't spoken, and it's making his nerves go haywire, his heart pounding even though he hasn't even moved. Maybe he's being stupid and getting freaked out over nothing. Maybe there's no one even there, and there's no reason for his skin to feel nervous cold/hot. “Hello?” he says again, this time significantly less confident, his voice giving out halfway through.

There's another few moments of silence, then a wild cackle, not an attractive laugh at all. It feels familiar, somehow, though it's not until Xue Yang speaks that Xiao Xingchen recognizes him.

“Wow. I guess you're real, huh?”

[lilulo-12fanfiction]

Nothing Breaks Like A Heart- 3

So this took me about 8 years to write. I’m not sure why. But it’s unedited so please ignore the mistakes. The spacing looks off but I’m posting this on mobile so I’ll look at it on my laptop mañana. Likes, comments and reblogs are much appreciated!

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@fanfictionjunkie1112 @shreddedparchment

“Uncle Tony! Uncle Tony!” A 6 year old Nora ran to her Uncle and he scooped her up in his arms. “I missed you!” Nora repeatedly kissed her young uncle’s clean shaven face.

“I missed you too baby doll. Why don’t you go over and see Grandpa Obe. I think he has a present for you.” Tony set Nora down and she ran down the hall.

Nora was dreaming. She knew she was. She was standing there watching her memory unfold. It was the strangest dream. She had never had one like this.

“Hello Nora.” Nora slowly turned as her hands trembled. She knew the voice. She took a shaky breath and came face to face with Loki.

“How are you in my dream?” Loki gave Nora a smirk.

“I’m a God Nora Stark. There are many things I can do.”

“Then why are you here?”

“We had so little time together. There is much you don’t know. Things your father hid from you and your Uncle. I’m here to lead you to the truth. Pay attention to this.” Loki turned you back to the scene before you. This couldn’t be your memory. You had left the room.

“Grant- it’s her birthday and every year you leave her here and vanish for days. Eventually she’s not going to be okay with it. You lost your wife. But she lost her mother.”

“Her mother is gone and it’s my job to protect her from what’s to come. I leave to protect her. You don’t understand.”

“Then make me understand.”

“If Nora here infringes on your extra curricular activities, I can get a Nanny.”

“Don’t be stupid. This has nothing to do with her being here. I look forward to this all year. But I’m worried that some day she’s going to resent you and it will be too late.”

“She’s not you. And I’m not our father so just stop. I’ll see you in a week.” Tony stood staring blankly as his brother stormed out. He had no idea what he was hiding. He had left without even saying goodbye to Nora.

“Protect me from what’s to come? What does that mean?!” Nora demanded answers from Loki.

“You have to put it together on your own. I can guide you Nora but you must put the pieces together. “

Before Nora could respond she jolted awake. Her heart was pounding and she couldn’t catch her breath. She felt like she was in a bad version of a Dickens Novel

“That must have been some dream” A deep voice came from her right. She looked over and saw Steve Rogers sitting in the chair next to her bed in the med wing.

“It was intense.” Nora started to regain her bearings.

“Look. I know you don’t want to see me and you think I’m the bad guy. But I had to make that decision. Tony knew what he was doing. I couldn’t risk everything he was willing to sacrifice. I wouldn’t have made that choice if”

“Steve. Steve. I know. I was a bitch. I was emotional and upset and I took it out on you. I’m sorry I spoke to you like that. It was just a lot and I think the poison in my system is making me delirious or something but I know you made the right decision. My uncle wouldn’t able to live with himself if people died to save him.” Steve took Nora’s hand. He could tell she was getting upset again.

“It’s forgotten. It was a difficult day. I’m just glad you and Tony are okay.”

“I think okay is stretch.” Nora laughed.

"Well physically okay." Steve squeezed Nora's hand as the door to her room opened. Bruce walked in, seemingly surprised to see Steve sitting there.

"You ready to get out of here?" Bruce had a strange look on his face.

"I thought you said I'd be here for longer?" Nora furrowed her brow.

"Well, we originally thought you would need IV Antibiotics for longer. It seemed like a nasty infection. But apparently it is healing a lot quicker than anticipated. You aren’t out of the woods but we can switch you to oral antibiotics now. You're still going to be sore and the stitches may give you some trouble but we should be able to take them out soon. There's no reason for you to stay in this bed any longer. But Nora, you need to take it easy for a bit."

“Define take it easy” Bruce looked exasperated as he ran his palm down his face.

“You need to stay in the building for now. We don’t want you exposed to any other bacteria. We don’t know how this will affect your immune system. You’re going to have to keep your leg elevated and the swelling down and crutches to walk.

“So really just like being here but in my own bed or on my ass wheeling around. Bruce I have work to do. The tower is a mess. The city is a mess.”

“It’s not up to you to fix it. You need to take care of yourself.” Nora’s lips were pursed. “Don’t look at me like you’re trying to appease me. You have

to follow instructions.” Bruce was pleading. “Or I’ll call Tony and you’ll stay here.”

“She’ll follow directions Dr. Banner. I’ll make sure of it.” Steve had his arms crossed in front of his chest with authority. Nora’s nostrils flared. Before she could attempt to argue Steve continued talking. “You’re going to need help. Tony needs to recover himself. I, however, am already healed. Let me help you.”

“Must be nice being a Super Soldier, but fine.” Nora threw her hands up. “But don’t even think about trying to treat me like a child.” Nora pointed her finger at Steve with raised eyebrows.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾

Steve wheeled Nora into her apartment. Both he and Bruce insisted on her using it to get to her wing of the tower and use it to go anywhere else in the tower except around her loft.

"Now what?' Nora sighed. Steve could tell she was upset but was trying not to show it.

"Now, I'm going to order some dinner. I don't think you want to be poisoned by my cooking on top of everything else. And then we can watch a movie or whatever you want to do."

"I need to shower, I feel disgusting." Steve nodded and was about to wheel her down to her room. "No, give me the crutches. I'm not an invalid" Steve rolled his eyes and handed her the crutches. He didn't attempt to help her to her feet, he knew she wouldn't let him. He watched her hobble down the hall to her bedroom. He opened a few drawers in her kitchen until he found some menus and pulled them out to decide what to get them for dinner.

Behind the door of her bathroom, Nora let a sob escape from her mouth. She was trying so hard to keep her emotions tucked inside, but after what had just happened she was floored. Aliens, Gods, more aliens. She had no idea what she would have done if she had lost her Uncle. She let her tears flow as she hobbled over to her dresser and pulled out a grey t-shirt and a pair of lavender and grey striped shorts. She struggled for a few moments to figure out how to get changed. She couldn't put any pressure on her leg without horrifying pain. She took a deep breath to center herself and went to the door. "Steve?" she called out. She heard his heavy foot steps and soon he was at her door. "Can you see if you can get Nat or Pepper in here?"

"Nat isn't here, she's at SHEILD. Pepper is doing a press conference right now. Are you okay?" Nora didn't want to open the door for Steve to see her tear stained face.

"I just." She paused. "I can't get changed to get into the shower."

"Do you...do you want my help?" Nora groaned. She didn't want to wait until Pepper would be done. It could be hours. She'd have to swallow her pride and let him help her. She wiped her face as best she could and opened the door. "Nora...you're crying." She clearly she hadn't done a good enough job.

"I'm fine." She stepped back so Steve could walk in. He enveloped her in a hug. She stood there shocked for a moment and then hugged him back and then she felt the damn of tears burst open. He slipped his arm behind her knees and picked her up like she was a feather and walked over to her bed so they could sit. He held her as she cried. "I'm sorry. I don’t know why I’m so damn emotional” She sobbed. "I don't normally break down and cry in front of people. I just..."

"Shhh...don't you dare apologize. And don't hold this all in. I've got you. You're safe with me. These past couple of days have been a lot.” Nora took a deep breath. They sat like that for a while. Nora across Steve’s lap as he had his arms wrapped around her torso and hers around his neck. Finally Nora pulled back.

“I really need to shower but I need help.” Her face turned pink.

“I can help you. I won’t look. It’s okay.” Steve helped her stand up and into her bathroom. She grabbed a towel from her linen cabinet and set it on the counter. Steve opened her shower door and started the water. “How hot do you want it?”

“So hot it almost melts my face off?” Steve laughed.

“I’m not going to turn it that hot. You can adjust it once you get in.” Nora nodded.

“Okay, this is awkward, let’s just power through. I can’t balance to take my pants on or off.” Steve nodded. “I’m going to turn around. I feel like my bare ass is less embarrassing. I mean an ass is ass.”

“However you’re most comfortable “‘Steve laughed. Nora turned around and pulled her t-shirt off and threw it in the hamper. Steve felt his mouth go dry. Nora felt his hands on her hips. “Okay I’m going to slide them off.” Nora nodded. She felt the heat burning on her cheeks. She felt like someone was blowing bubbles in her stomach. She was painfully aware of how firm Steve was holding her waste. His calloused hands were hot against her skin. Suddenly she was painfully aware that she was completely naked. “Can you step in by yourself?” Nora nodded unable to speak. She stepped in and quickly shut the door behind her. “I’m going to go back into your room. The towel is right here. Call me when you’re ready for me.

“Okay. Thanks Steve.” Nora felt her heart pounding.

“Of course. I’ll be right outside”. Steve ran his hands down his face. He spent the entire time thinking of the most non-sexual thoughts he could to avoid being turned on. He was attracted to Nora, she was beautiful, but there was something about her that was magnatizing.

He looked around her room. The walls were a grayish purple. The room wasn’t as big as he thought it would be, but it was still bigger than any room he had ever slept in. There was a slanted ceiling near the bathroom that created a large alcove where an oak roll top desk and chair was located. She had a matching chest of drawers that matched the desk as well as a large bookshelf that was loaded with books. Nora being a bookworm made him smile. Her king sized bed was in the middle of the room with an oak nightstand on one side and on the other was an elaborate lamp. It was built like a tree and was covered with glass flowers that all had tiny light bulbs in the middle. There was a smaller black lamp on the night stand.

Parallel to the wall with the door was a set of glass french doors with trim painted the black. It led out to a substantial balcony. Steve imagined Nora spent a lot of time out there. Her glanced over at her bluish purple bed spread that was a soft chenille. It was simple and loaded with pillows. He wondered how she fit in the bed with that many pillows. He walked over to the bookshelf and took a picture off to study it. It had

to be her parents. Grant was the spitting imagine of Howard Stark, even more than Tony. He knew the woman was her mother, although her hair was blonde it hung in spirals like Nora’s. She also had the same captivating sea green eyes as her daughter. Next to that was a picture of an older Howard and he assumed Maria who was holding a little bundle he was sure was Nora. Steve knew they didn’t live much longer after the picture had been taken. He glanced at a few photos of Nora and Grant. There was one of Nora, maybe 12, with Pepper. There was then an onslaught of photos of Nora and Tony. Ones with a young Tony and a toddler Nora. He saw her grow up in the photos. Her High School graduation, prom, a Christmas photo. Despite all of her loss, Tony has given her the best life possible. Not with his money, but with how much he loved her. The pride in his eyes in each photo jumped out at you. His favorite picture was of her and Tony, she was holding a cello and happiness was radiating from her.

Steve jumped and put the photo with back when he heard the bathroom door open. Nora hobbled out wearing her towel and holding her clothes. “I’m all done.” Her voice was quiet and sheepish.

“Here, sit down on the edge of the bed.” Steve helped her over as she sat. He took the black cotton boy short panties and slid them up to her knees and did The same with her shorts. “If you stand will you be able to pull them up the rest of the way?” Nora nodded. Steve tried to ignore her blazingly red face. “Okay, I’ll help you stand and then you can finish getting dressed. Your crutches are right there on the bed.” Steve helped her stand and then headed towards her door.

“Steve?” He heard her say in almost a whisper. “Thank you.” He nodded at her with a smile and headed back out to the living room.

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Nora used her crutches to get back out to the main area. Her large apartment started with an open floor plan. The substantial kitchen and living room were what you saw when you walked in. Dark hardwood floors throughout. Parallel to her door was a long hallway with 5 doors. On the right hand side was first the guest bedroom and the master bedroom at the end of the hall. On the other side there were two more doors with a half bath in the middle. Each bedroom had its own bathroom.

“So I ordered some pizza and wings. I figured it was a safe bet.”

“That’s fine, but I’m not really hungry to be honest.”

“You definitely have to eat Nora. All of that medicine will kill your stomach.” She nodded and hobbled over to the living room. She had a large taupe microfiber couch with ottoman at each end and two over sized chairs on each side. There was an antique looking entertainment center and above it, mounted to the wall was a large flat screen TV. About 6 feet back from the couch was a large wooden table with a marble top. It had a long bench on the side closest to the wall with 3 large chairs Across from it and 2 on each end. There was a wall of floor to ceiling windows. Across from the large table right next to the windows was a baby grand piano. Nora sat on the couch propping her leg up on the ottoman.

“You really don’t have to stay Steve. I’ll be fine.” Nora finally said. Steve had been studying her profile after she sat down. She looked overwhelmed and slightly sad.

“I know you’d be fine but you really shouldn’t be alone. Something could happen and you’re not at 100%. Unless you don’t want me here, I could call Nat.”

“No that’s not it. I just feel bad that I’m hijacking your life.” Steve walked over and sat next to Nora and faced her.

“You’re not hijacking anything. There’s no place else I’d rather be.” His warm smile set her at ease. His hand was next to hers and she linked her pinky with his. Steve was amazed that a tiny little touch could send his heart racing. Before either of them could say or do anything else there was a knock on the door. Steve jumped up to open it and was greeted by Tony’s confused face. He walked past Steve into the apartment. Steve could tell he was trying to appear uninjured but his movements said otherwise. Even after a few days since the battle his face was bruised up.

“Wasn’t expecting to see you here Cap.” Tony glanced over his shoulder with a knowing look at Steve. He looked guilty and Nora looked flustered.

“Uh Dr. Banner had some stipulations on letting Nora out of the med bay so I told him I’d stick around to help.”

“Jarvis- have some clothes sent over for the Captain if he’s staying here. Don’t need him smelling up the place.” Tony ordered his A.I. He smiled at Nora and kissed her on the cheek and sat down next to her. “Hi babydoll, how’s my girl?” Steve stepped into the kitchen to give them some privacy. He sat at the large island on one of the stools. The marble top on the island and the rest of the counters matched the table. The color of the cabinets matched the color of her furniture. Her french door refrigerator and 6 burner stove as well as the dish washer were black. He looked at the walls of the entire area. The color was a very pale turquoise. Almost so pale it was white. One wall on the living room side behind the table and piano was exposed brick. Her tastes were simple and clean.

“I’m okay. Really tired still. How are you? Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“Oh honey I’m fine. I’ve had worse than this.”

Nora gave him a skeptical look. “I came over once I heard you were back over here to see if you wanted to stay on my floor so you weren’t alone, but I see you aren’t.”

“You need to take care of yourself and not worry about me. You fell out of the sky!”

“Banner broke my fall.” Tony gave his signature smirk. “But I see you’re in good hands here so I’m going to head back over before Pepper comes hunting for me. Call me if you need anything.” Tony kissed her forehead. “Love you Nori. Keep that leg up and don’t try to over do it.”

“Ditto, on all accounts.” She smiled adoringly up at her Uncle. He gave her a shrug.

“My legs are fine.” He turned to Steve and nodded “Captain.” After a second glance, he headed out the door.

Steve managed to get Nora to eat a piece of pizza and a couple of wings. He took it as a victory. He walked back over to the couch and handed Nora her antibiotics and some of her pain medication. She swallowed it quickly with her water. Steve sat down next to her as she picked another movie.

“You look exhausted. Why don’t we call it a night.”

“I don’t want to sleep” Nora confessed.

“You need some rest. It’ll help you heal.”

“If I sleep, I’ll dream and I’d like to avoid that.” Concern was draped over Steve’s face.

“Nightmares?”

“Among other things.”

“Here lean forward.” As Nora moved he slid behind her so she could rest her torso on his and stretch her legs out across the couch. It took Nora a moment to settle back, taken by surprise. Once she was resting against him Steve covered them with the large blanket that was on the back of the couch. “Rest, go to sleep. If you start having a nightmare I’ll wake you up.” Nora nodded and then started the movie. About 15 minutes after the movie started her head fell back against Steve’s shoulder. Steve leaned his head back and closed his eyes, the sweet smell of Nora’s shampoo helping him drift off to sleep.

[us-smash-archive]

Skyrim AU

Born in the city of whiterun Toshinori Yagi, a redguard, had a simple childhood. He didn't have much with his parents but he did have a good sense of justice and what was right or wrong at a young age. He wanted to be a pillar that the people could depend on and shine a light through the darkness. He knew a few basic spells such as fire, a shield and healing before the loss of his parents at the age of 5. He wasn't even home when it happened but from what he could hear from the guards was that a small group of bandits had broken into the home for anything they could loot and when Yagi's parents wouldn't hand the items over to them they had been what could be best described as slaughtered before the house was set ablaze to try and destroy the evidence. Two bodies were recovered from the rubble but they were unrecognizable, the young redguard feeling his whole world being shattered.

This wasn't fair why did this have to happen?! Surely the guard would do something about it right?! Unfortunately since there wasn't any evidence left to pin the crime on anyone the case had to be dropped and it left the young boy all alone with an aching hole in his chest. He vowed to one day bring those criminals to justice for what they had done before he was found by the are and sent to the local orphanage to live there. In his time there he would practice his simple spells of fire, shield and healing to make them better and stronger then ever,feeling anger and resentment bubble up inside him. He knew this wasn't good for a future hero to be holding onto these feelings so he did his best to try and let them go and with time the anger and resentment faded from his heart but the urge to bring them to justice remained.

He ran away from the local orphanage when he had just turned 8 yrs old,wanting to see the world and start his journey onto becoming the pillar that people needed. The young boy knew it wouldn't be easy but this was something he was determined to do and nothing would change his mind about it. Being able to pull together enough money for a simple sword and shield along with a bag of provisions Yagi had left the town of whiterun and started his journey into becoming a symbol of hope.

The years had quickly passed by and soon the young boy grew into a young adolescent, going by the alias All Might. People were already talking about him and his small heroic acts in smaller towns when he met his future master, a Nord woman by the name of Nana shimura. He had rushed into a fiery blaze to save the people trapped inside when he had ran into her after he himself got stuck inside the burning building trying to save the people inside. When he was asked why he was doing these heroic acts across skyrim this is what he told her.

"I want to be the symbol of hope and be able to make this land a place where people can smile without worry. I want to be able to give them somebody to look up to and know that everything is going to be ok when they hear my name All Might. I want to help those in need that are unable to help themselves and give them the justice they deserve when bad things happen to them."

A small smile spread across the nord woman's face at the teenage redguards answer before she simply held out her hand and said "then come with me young one and I will help you make your dream a reality."

Toshinori quickly grew to view Nana and her friend that went by the alias 'Torino' as his new family and it brought him comfort. He didn't think he would be able to have a family again after the death of his parents but life has a funny way of working for you. He often asked about the nature of nana's sword she wielded but she never gave him a straight answer, only telling him "when the time comes I will tell you" whenever he brought the subject up after training sessions. A few years passed by and before he knew it Toshinori was all grown up, his hair swept back into a bunny like hairstyle as he looked out upon the world with confidence and strength. Like he could take on anything and would come out on top. "Toshinori I think you are ready for this.." Nana spoke one day and turned her sword over to the redguard. "I.. I don't understand mo- master.." Toshi whispers softly as he grips the sword in his hands,feeling the energy that was stored up inside it tingling his hands.

"I know you don't. It's finally time for me to tell you the story behind this sword and how I came to carry it. The sword that has been dubbed by its holders as 'one for all'..."

And that is when toshinori learned the secret behind his master's might and the truth behind this powerful sword. There were two brothers and one of them was a powerful wizard while the younger brother was a simple blacksmith that made weaponry. The older brother robbed and took advantage of others under the illusion that he was helping them. In reality he was just simply taking what he wanted when he wanted,trying to mold the world into his image. When the younger brother saw the dark path his brother was going down he knew he had to do something to stop him so he forged a sword from ebony and grabbed a simple shield and armor before he went to challenge his brother. To stop him from wreaking havoc upon the world. The two brothers fought with the older one emerging victorious and leaving his brother for dead,the younger sibling slowly bleeding out on the ground but smiled softly as he saw the blade he had created had become charged with some of his brothers magic. Thinking that one day the sword would become powerful enough to stop his brother he poured the little magic he had left into the blade before handing the blade off to the person that found him then told them this with his final breath

"Make this blade stronger and as powerful as it can be before challenging my brother. A monster like that can't be allowed to roam free in this world. If you are unable to complete this task then pass it along to the next person you deem worthy and tell them these words as well. One day this sword, 'one for all', will be powerful enough to challenge and defeat my brother, All For One. When the task is done I will finally be able to rest in peace..."

And with those final words the younger brother left the world,leaving the fate of the newly forged sword and his brother to the future generations.

"And that is the story behind the blade and how it was created. I do not need to tell you the fates of the previous holders of this legendary blade as they all met their end by this man. I want you to know this toshinori. If anything should happen to me when I go to challenge All For One I want you to become the next bearer of One For All and become that symbol of hope that everyone needs. I know you can do it and you'll be a amazing successor to this sword's might!"

Another year passed by to train toshinori with his new blade before he, nana and Torino went off to challenge All For One. That was the last time the redguard ever saw his master, the woman he grew to love like a mother.

The sorcerer proved to be too much for the nord woman to defeat so with a smile and her final strength, the woman shoved the sword 'one for all' into Toshinori's arms before shoving him to Torino and telling her friend to get him to safety, hearing the boy screaming out for her. "I leave it all to you All Might!!" she called out,pulling out a second sword and with a smile charged at the sorcerer while the two fled the scene,not having to look back to know what had happened to Nana shimura.

When they eventually returned to the scene all that remained of her was the purple cape she always wore, slightly torn and under some rubble as the redguard screamed out in pain and agony at the loss of his master. That feeling of anger and resentment bloomed inside his heart again but also a new feeling joined them this time at this new loss for the redguard. RAGE. He did not want these new feelings to go away anytime soon, he used this feelings to push himself harder then before and get stronger like she had wanted him to be and to become that symbol of hope for everyone. Along the way to his goal of being that symbol he had made many connections and friendships, one of them being his best friend that was a wood elf by the name of David Shield. A young and very strong wizard himself the two had met when the young elf had been cornered by thugs wanting to use him for his knowledge and power. Toshinori didn't trust David at first since he didn't have good experiences with wizards but the wood elf was patient and showed the redguard so many new things and new spells to learn in their time together. When it was time to part ways the young wizard gave his new friend a set of ebony armor he had enchanted himself to protect him in his journey. Toshinori waves goodbye to his new friend before putting on the armor and continued his journey, the two promising to keep in touch.

Time continued to move forward for toshinori and soon everyone knew the name All Might. They knew that name meant that there would be justice for those who did wrong and he would protect the innocent. It brought a smile to his face as after all these years he had finally achieved his dream of becoming the symbol of hope.He had a shield made for him with a black rim,red wood,and two dragons etched into its wood. A yellow Dragon and a purple Dragon in honor of his late master while he had her old cape tied around his waist as a part of his outfit. He looked down at his sword one day and that dormant rage he had locked away over the years started to come back to the surface. He knew in his heart that it was his turn now. It was his turn to take on the sorcerer All For One.

He knew that All For One was powerful so he didn't face him head on at first. Instead he searched and took down the empire he had built over the years. Slowly but surely the evil sorcerer's empire fell to his might, the redguard being determined to avenge his master and end this sorcerer’s madness. Soon the time came when the symbol of hope stood before All For One with his blade gripped tightly in his hands, his knuckles white and teeth clenched tight as blue eyes stared down the sorcerer.

“so you're the new bearer of the sword that was created by me and my younger brother? I do indeed remember you All Might. I remember seeing you there as I destroyed the last holder of that sword. She was a pathe-”

“she was a true hero don't you DARE taint her name you monster!! I have come to avenge her and finally bring you to justice!!” The redguard roared out, his rage consuming him whole as he charged at the sorcerer who only sighed before getting ready to fight.

“I really thought we could have talked more All Might. Oh well if you're in such a hurry to fight me and meet your demise I will gladly grant that wish..”

And so All Might and All For One clashed in a battle that truly was fit for legend. The two of them fought for what seemed like an eternity until All Might slowly emerged from the rubble of the battlefield, beaten and bloody but what he thought to be victorious. Using the blade as a crutch the redguard limped away from the battlefield to seek aid for his wounds as he was too weak to use his own healing spells, not noticing that the evil sorcerers fingers started to twitch. It would seem that this great evil would not be defeated so easily…

Toshinori smiled softly at his victory and felt he had avenged his master and she could rest in peace as he had stumbled onto Torino's doorstep before passing out, the mentor helping the symbol inside and start to nurse him back to health. The days turned to weeks which then turned to months, the hero having suffered numerous injuries but thankfully was still alive. Torino was furious at him for going alone to fight All For One but simply shook his head and told him

“toshinori someone like All For One cannot be defeated so easily. You may be the first bearer of One For All that's been able to go against him head on but it doesn't mean that this war is over. It just means we won this battle for now. He will come back one day. In this time of peace now that he has been stopped for now it would be best to search for a successor to the blade in case the worst comes to pass when he does return…”

5 years had passed since that fight and since he had heeded his mentor's words. He could feel the change in the air as he was on the hunt for a new bearer of the sword One For All. A change that meant that new challenges would come and need to be faced head on. Gripping the blade tight in a scarried hand, blue eyes looked down on the city of Riften as it was his new home now, determined to find a worthy successor to the blade ‘One For All’ before time ran out and the sorcerer All For One would rise again to try and take back what was once his..

Ooc: wooooohhhh I finally finished the skyrim Au! Hope that you all like this backstory cause I'm really proud of this one!👍❤😊

[timebuzzer]

Ever After Chapter 9.7

A little reminder: This is just a work of FICTION. In addition to that, don't forget that Sage and Alex are already married here. Hahahaha! Enjoy?

- - - - -

3rd Person

After a couple of seconds, Aira felt that someone poked her back.

"Are you done?" Aira asked while still facing the door.

"Silly, Aira. As much as we would like to, there's a camera here for sure." When Aira turned around, she saw the couple trying to control their waves of laughter.

"Oh. So you will surely behave. Okay, I'll go to the toilet first. I will leave the two of you so you could freely laugh too. Bye!"

Aira left the two as she knows, it will be awkward for her to stay too.

When the door closed, an awkward silence filled the room as it was only Alex and Sage. The two looked at each other with equal yearning but they don't know what to do first.

They wanted to hug and kiss but they can't. They're afraid they can't pull away from each other once they get too close and might reveal something that would create a scandal in the future. The words they wanted to say vanished into thin air too. Both of them found it so frustrating they could only breathe out deep sighs one after another.

"Let us sit first?" Sage finally uttered. He pulled a chair for Alex then he sat in front of her. They are now sitting across each other, face to face. A couple of minutes was spent looking at each other. Then Sage suddenly shrieked "Ouch! What was that for, Alex Lee?"

Alex stumped on his foot hard, and take note, she's wearing heels. Luckily, she was sitting which exerted lesser force but it still hurt.

"Serves you right, Sage Kim! If there's no camera here, I would have bitten your arm already. You thought I would forget what you've done just because you are being handsome in your military uniform? Why won't you come out? I thought you will go out on your birthday?" Alex ranted in frustration trying to vent her piled up resentment.

"Sorry, Honey. I missed you too, so much. But when I got inside, I realized that it took so much courage for me to leave you. And I'm afraid that if I visit you again, I'll be back to square one. That's why..."

"I also feel the same way. But an opportunity like this came, and I missed you a lot, so even if I know it's hard to say goodbye again, I still said yes. I'd rather see you even just for an hour than not see you at all. But I guess we aren't on the same page here. You would rather not see me for the entire 21 months? Is that your plan?" Alex felt her tears building up on the side of her eyes.

When Sage saw her about to cry, he immediately took his handkerchief to wipe her tears. He didn't care if someone saw him doing this, but he felt this is the right thing to do at least.

"Don't cry. Sorry, Love." As he was soothing her, Alex noticed the bandage on his hand. Her tears stopped flowing out of concern.

"What is this? What happened?"

"Just a minor cut from duty. Accidents are normal here. The bandage is just big but my wound is just small and it is already healed. Don't worry." Sage reassured her then diverted the topic. "Look at your cheeks. It's not chubby anymore. I can't pinch anything. Are you eating well? Are you sleeping well, Honey?"

The two continued catching up since they cannot touch each other's hands, but their feet under the table are entangled. It was hidden so it was safe to do so. Even a little physical touch is more than enough.

"What can you say about my hair?" Alex inquired. Sage didn't mention anything about it so she asked him. Fishing for some compliments, maybe?

"You are beautiful with any hair length. But I like you in this bob cut the most." Sage answered truthfully. Short hair gave her a cute and on-the-go vibe when it was made, yet when it turned to a messy bob, it added a whole new level of a sultry aura to Alex.

"Ask me why I cut my hair."

"Why?"

"Because... I won't trim it until you fully finish your military service. So the longer it gets, the longer I waited for you. As cheesy as it may sound but my hair would be a reminder about how much I wanted to see you. You used to stroke my hair before I sleep so, I would just keep it short until you comeback. I just thought about it early this week." Alex confessed.

If they were totally alone right now, he would have kissed her already, but all he could do is to add pressure to their entangled legs to express his bliss and control himself. Then he asked, "So you are Ms. Waiting now?"

"You waited for me for how many years. This is just a small thing compared to what you did."

"Love, it doesn't matter who waited longer, who did this and that. My efforts before were done voluntarily without expecting anything from you. That is how I wanted to express my love for you in a way I think you deserved, not to make you feel indebted to me now..."

"I know, I didn't mean anything bad but this is how I wanted to express mine."

"Okay. I hope we are clear about this. We are both back to zero and there is no scorer. No pressure okay? And bear this in mine, I appreciate everything you do, no matter how small you think that is, always."

"Aye, aye, captain!" Alex gave him a salute that made him chuckle. "So when are you going out? Will you visit me on my birthday?"

"Hmmm. We'll see. I still need to work harder to rank higher. Best soldiers and higher ranks are given longer..." Sage stopped midway when he felt something moving higher underneath.

It was Alex's foot and it is started to climb upwards. She's making him feel her touch through her toes not omitting any space as it glided higher.

Sage's eyes widened in shock and gave her a glare that meant what-the-hell-are-you-doing-you're-killing-me!

"What are you saying, Honey? Higher?" Alex said mischievously. Still doing what she's doing. Although she stopped on his knee.

"Higher ranks and best soldiers... they'll be rewarded with ex...tra.. vaca..tions... Alex Lee... stop..."

Even though Sage was in his complete military gear and Alex's toes did not actually touch his skin, but what she did was enough to send him into a blazing fire.

He was trying his hardest to stop her from going higher or else he might just lose control. Only she could make him feel this way. Sending him on the brink of madness with just a simple touch of her skin not to mention with the mere toes to be exact.

"Want me to stop?" Alex asked amusingly. She knew full well, with the look on his face, that he was aroused to the fullest. She can't contain her laughter as he was giving her another you'll-be-the-death-of-me look.

But Alex wanted to tease him more. So she moved her foot a little bit higher, like an inch higher. And as much as he was glaring at her, it was evident that he was also anticipating her next move.

The tip of his ears and his neck are turning red. He also grabbed her foot and gave it a pinch, but didn't remove it. After seeing her husband struggling not to squirm, she decided to withdraw.

"What was that, Alex Lee?"

"Hmmm. Giving my husband a teaser of what he's been missing out?"

"You little temptress. You're always full of tricks on your sleeves, aren't you? You are making me crazy." Sage grunted as if collecting all the self-restraint he could find.

Alex chuckled and leaned forward on the table, placed her left arm as she rested her head on the top of her palm and seductively looked at him then whispered, "So... are you going to work hard and visit me on my birthday, my love?"

"Are you sure you want me to go out after what you've done? Did you know what you're getting yourself into? This will never go unpunished."

"Oh now I'm scared," Alex replied sardonically.

"Honey, just go out and show me. I'll wait for it." She replied nonchalantly. She sure knows how to tease her husband.

"Call. Be ready, my love... and your stamina." Sage answered haughtily and winked.

"Oh god, my husband. Why are you so handsome?" Alex thought.

"Waiting..." Alex readily agreed even though she didn't know what kind of beast she awakened in him.

Sage's thoughts wandered on ways on how to 'punish' this little temptress in front of him when he visits her. Of course, punish her not in any way that would harm her.

The married couple's teasing ended after they heard a knock on the door. When the door opened, it was Aira informing them that it was time to leave. But to the latter's surprise, the atmosphere in the room is now different.