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thephaedronachronicles · 2 years

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50 Good Questions with an Okay Author: Q. Alexander

1. What literary pilgrimages have you gone on?

“I personally have never gone on a trip specifically for the sake of writing, not to say I haven’t thought of doing so. It just hasn’t happened yet.”

2. What is the first book that made you cry?

“A child called it. My 6th reading teacher read it to us or assigned it to us; I can’t remember which, but that book is so raw in its approach—very powerful and purposeful in it’s message.”

3. What is the most unethical practice in the publishing industry?

“Considering I’m self published I can’t really speak on their practices, but I can say that the whole thing gives me gatekeeper vibes; so maybe passing on potentially great authors.”

4. Does writing energize or exhaust you?

“It depends, I tend to manically write in month long spurts, then cool off. It can be both invigorating as well as exhaustive.”

5. What are common traps for aspiring writers?

“Believing that a story needs to be completely original. It’s okay to find inspiration in other works, nothing is original, simply adjusted.”

6. Does a big ego help or hurt writers?

“Too much of anything is harmful, although I’m not one for humility.”

7. What is your writing Kryptonite?

“Finding articulate ways to illustrate what I see in my mind, a lot of the time I find myself fleshing out characters or storylines after I’ve written them because I sort of glossed over the general idea.”

8. Have you ever gotten reader’s block?

“Yes, usually when I’m writing. I’ve had a bookmark in ‘Salem’s Lot for the past two months because I’ve been full steam ahead with finishing Black Empress.”

9. Did you ever consider writing under a pseudonym?

“I currently write under a pseudonym.”

10. Do you try more to be original or to deliver to readers what they want?

“More than anything I try to build characters that deal with exaggerated emotional circumstances that we all experience in our lives. In Nasir’s case, he’s a man in love who’s concerned with losing himself, I feel like that’s where his magic comes in. Physically he’s a god, but in his heart and his self doubt he shows that he’s just the same as us. Uncertain of what tomorrow holds.”

11. Do you think someone could be a writer if they don’t feel emotions strongly?

“I feel that emotion is a cornerstone of writing, sure you would be able to literally write, but I feel there is no power in words that don’t touch your heart.”

12. What other authors are you friends with, and how do they help you become a better writer?

“I don’t have many friends that are authors, but the few I do silently inspire me to sharpen my craft.”

13. Do you want each book to stand on its own, or are you trying to build a body of work with connections between each book?

“With the exception of my self-help book the vast majority of my works, published and unpublished are connected.”

14. If you could tell your younger writing self anything, what would it be?

“Continue to follow your dreams, this will come when it comes.”

15. How did publishing your first book change your process of writing?

“It allowed me to take myself seriously; I think it did the same for my peers as well. After publishing Lost King I was able to analyze my work as if it wasn’t my own, which allowed me to correct mistakes and apply new techniques.”

16. What was the best money you ever spent as a writer?

“My MacBook, I don’t think I’ve gone anywhere without it for longer than a day.”

17. What authors did you dislike at first but grew into?

“The first time I tried to read King I was turned off, his writing style is so in depth and idiosyncratic that I almost wasn’t able to understand what it was I was reading, now I’m utterly enthralled by his works.”

18. What did you do with your first advance? “Wished I had one.”

19. What was an early experience where you learned that language had power?

“I was driving in the car with my mother and little brother; we were going to my dads house and a group of white guys in a van pulled up next to us and proceeded to call us niggers, I was only twelve, maybe thirteen but I remember crying. I wanted to jump out of the car so bad, I think it was the first time in my life that I ever experienced helplessness.”

20. What are the most important magazines for writers to subscribe to?

“I have a staunch opinion that magazines are a dying medium, but if I had to pick I would say Ebony and Jet magazine, I’m also biased in my opinion.”

21. What’s your favorite under-appreciated novel? “Walk Two Moons.”

22. How do you balance making demands on the reader with taking care of the reader?

“I usually intend for the reader to go through an emotional journey along with the characters, as far as rewarding them, we’ll just have to see how the next couple books turn out.”

23. As a writer, what would you choose as your mascot/avatar/spirit animal?

“I’ve always been a butterfly, there’s something poetic about transformation, then beautiful death and butterflies have a habit of fluttering by when I’m being introspective and I find I have a lot of similar traits.”

24. What do you owe the real people upon whom you base your characters?

“The few characters I have based on people tend to be far more compelling to me. Camille, a secondary character that I molded after a girl I went to karate with, Beatrix Kiddo and Cammy from street fighter (her namesake) was intended to be a filler member of Alpha Sect. but the more I wrote about her the more I wanted to make them resemble the impact that that person had on my life. I ended up loving the character so much that I made her integral to the central storyline. Another character, Nacira, was based off a girl I had a brief crush on in high school. Nacira’s personality is more akin to Xena, but the quirky, fun parts of Nacira are based on her namesake.”

25. How many unpublished and half-finished books do you have?

“Within the Phaedrona series a solid five, outside of that canon I would say another six or seven.

26. What does literary success look like to you?

“Creation is literary success to me, whether my books garner fame before or after my passing is irrelevant, the magic for me was creating them and bringing them into corporeal form.”

27. What’s the best way to market your books? “Write them well, the rest will follow.”

28. What kind of research do you do, and how long do you spend researching before beginning a book?

“I did a considerable amount of research for TPC, in all I would say a solid three months looking into physics and theoretical physics, specifically when it came to Black Empress, as this one has a more sci-fi/ space setting as opposed to Lost King that always felt more mystical/occult.”

29. Do you view writing as a kind of spiritual practice?

“It can be, depending on what’s being written at the moment. But do I look for spiritual release or stimulation when writing? No.”

30. What’s the most difficult thing about writing characters from the opposite sex?

“Making them vulnerable, I’ve been raised by and have known strong women my entire life. Making them anything other than utter bad assets is hard for me.”

31. How long were you a part-time writer before you became a full-time one?

“I’m still currently a part time writer, even though I write every day. My bills are just a bit too big for my revenue from writing to cover, but then again I have a taste for the opulent.”

32. How many hours a day do you write?

“As I said earlier, I’m pretty manic when I write. Some days I won’t write at all, and others I’ll write all day. But at the same time I’m constantly creating storylines or ideas within my mind.”

33. What period of your life do you find you write about most often? (child, teenager, young adult)

“Definitely young adult, considering that’s the phase of my life that I’m exiting, I’d like to write a story similar to my childhood but I’m pretty sure I’d be cancelled if I wrote about the things us 90’s kids actually did when our parents weren’t around.”

34. What did you edit out of this book?

“Originally TLK was about Nasir, Alexius, Samir and Aiden being poised against each other by Amara, this didn’t work with my final vision but a part of that storyline remains in Samir and Aidens relationship.”

35. Have you read anything that made you think differently about fiction?

“I can’t really say yes or no to that, that’s n excellent question that I don’t have an answer for.”

36. What are the ethics of writing about historical figures?

“Maintaining a respectable amount of honesty; I think that matters more than whether they’re depicted as good or bad.”

37. How do you select the names of your characters?

“Some are based on mystical deities and others tend to be names that I’ve heard and been fond of.”

38. If you didn’t write, what would you do for work?

“I’d do porn.”

39. Do you read your book reviews? How do you deal with bad or good ones?

“I live for book reviews, I love the thought of someone feeling so moved, whether good or bad, to write about how the book made them feel.”

40. Do you hide any secrets in your books that only a few people will find?

“Certainly.”

41. What was your hardest scene to write?

“My hardest scene to write in TLK was the final fight between Nasir, Ahmry and Kasraja. It was hard for me to find a way to make Kasraja feel properly evil, and I still sort of feel that his goal was righteous in the eyes of the Aranaki, so I guess the issue was I didn’t make him evil enough. In the Black Empress the hardest scenes for me to write were the deaths.”

42. Do you Google yourself?

“I did even before I was a writer.”

43. Whats one thing would you give up to become a better writer?

“I don’t know, I like to keep things, giving things up is not something I’m very good at.”

44. What are your favorite literary journals?

“I actually don’t read a lot on literature, I tend to read more about science and the occult.”

45. What is your favorite childhood book?

“Tears of a Tiger.”

46. What is the most difficult part of your artistic process?

“Keeping my ideas in check, Black Empress was supposed to be massive, but I eventually had to split the story into two parts because what I had planned would’ve been exhaustive in my opinion.”

47. Does your family support your career as a writer?

“I’ve been blessed with a family that has wholeheartedly supported all of my creative endeavors.”

48. If you had to do something differently as a child or teenager to become a better writer as an adult, what would you do?

“Go to college immediately after highschool and study literary arts.”

49. How long on average does it take you to write a book?

“We’ll have to see, TLK took me a little over 10 years, Lies You Should Tell Yourself took me 8 hours, while Black Empress only took me about a year.”

50. Do you believe in writer’s block?

“Not anymore, I prefer to call it burnout. I just let myself reset for a day or two then jump back in.”

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malstermonkey · 2 years

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Why it’s not money but purpose...

I have a most excellent friend who, a few days ago, wrote a most excellent blog -- it was full of humour and wisdom and critical self-appraisal and it made me realise the enduring, unbreakable nature of a genuine “connection”.

And whilst my instinct is to write about that, I’m not sure I trust myself (quite yet) to not go radically over-the-top and blow everything up (but, lass, understand my instinct to throw caution to the winds, to put all my chips on red, to bet the house (actually I can’t I don’t have one!) and all that is huge..........) instead I will write about why I believe the only genuine and enduring motivation at work is PURPOSE.

So, let’s get a fundamental out of the way 1st -- for those on the breadline, for those living hand-to-mouth & from day-to-day, there’s no self-actualising aspect to work: it’s a means-to-an-end, a mere matter of survival...........sadly at this end of the spectrum the work is mundane, smelly, menial and, often, dangerous (if not the work then the working conditions?). This is, no doubt, material for another blog, but the precedent conditions for this one is that with a semblance of (financial) security work could, and should, be more than just the acquisition of the means (money) and actually be meaningful.

“Meaningful” here comes in a number of forms, it could have meaning personally or the work contributes to the greater well being of one’s surroundings, one’s community, society -- in both cases work now “adds value” where the latter, contribution to society, is leveraged and therefore doubly satisfying.

And what is defines meaningful work? Contribution. In a commercial sense the definition is relatively easily described: you need only ask yourself the following question: why does the business exist? The answer should run along the lines of “this business exists because it solves the following problem, the solving of which customers are prepared to pay for........”.

Hence, inherent in any commercial venture is the idea of contribution, of adding value -- and all leadership decisions should therefore start with asking the question: “how does this process/action contribute to fulfilling our purpose?”.

Think like this and an organisation is built to furthering its contribution to our wellbeing -- and employees become part of this, rather than being the “tools” towards achieving it.

I would contend that all successful companies are focused primarily on the product (red solution) they offer and secondarily (but evangelically) on trying to bring their solution to as wide an audience as possible. Think of a business in this way and the money inevitably follows -- money is the (incredibly) pleasant by-product of providing a “solution” (product).

Motivating employees, when a business is seen through this lens, is almost not necessary as, for human beings, contributing and adding value are wonderful ends in-and-of itself........

My take is that leadership becomes (almost?) redundant when the purpose of the organisation is well understood, well articulated (amongst the workforce) so that each employee understands the part they play and will, over time, lead to a more dynamic, open and profitable organisation.

My excellent friend quoted Marty Cagen where, he contends, “having a team of missionaries and not mercenaries is good for business, good for team morale and is a win for the individual” -- SPOT ON.

Hence, it is absolutely NOT a legitimate strategy to have as an overarching aim to grow revenue (make more money) as that aim speaks to nobody (except the 2-3 greedy Execs at the very top and shareholders), but instead focus n how to make the product better and even more relevant.

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s11e17 · 3 years

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popping in to say i'm sorry to hear that and also your writing is so, so good. i get chills every time i read your work. got any excerpts or tidbits you'd like to share? anything you're especially proud of in past or current works?

wahh thank you so much anon! <3 <3

right now i'm kind of pleased over this little bit in the big bang fic - dean can't say "i love you" to cas, so instead, he asks him if he's ever been to the grand canyon.

Cas’s mouth tilts up sleepily, would be a smile if half of it wasn’t squashed against the pillow. He’d say it now, if he could, the thing that Cas deserves to hear, the thing Dean has never told anybody in his adult life.

Instead, he asks, “Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon?”

also i started writing this like 15k pwp (the plot is basically that dean and cas keep having sex in dreams, aka put up your dukes but not as good) but i feel like it'll be ages before i actually finish it so here are the first two scenes (mostly under the cut bc its like 1600 words lmao):

The few times Castiel has been put under by a djinn, he hasn’t felt particularly disturbed by it. Dean flinches when djinn are mentioned. Sam is deeply distressed when the possibility of unreality is discussed. But Castiel is not so committed to this distinction as the Winchesters are.

Yes, undoubtedly, there are things that are real, and things that are, well, unreal. He likes the prefix un-. It implies a sense of reversal; undoing. Something is real, and then made fiction. Fiction, of the Latin fingo: to make. To invent. To create.

Things are, or they are not. If they are not, then they’re nothing — unless they’re something, in which case, they are. So on and so forth. This is to say, a djinn dream must be as real as Dean’s smile: both created and natural at once. Nature, creation, it is. I am that I am. We are.

This must surely be why Castiel is satisfied with being, when it comes to his love for Dean. Isn’t it enough to create? To speak, and to therefore move from nothing to something? From unformed feeling to articulated truth, Castiel has heaved himself down to Earth from out of the sun more times than he can remember. Dean is his lodestone, and Castiel dreams of him often. It is enough.

Sam’s the one to ask him, in the end. Castiel supposes that makes sense. Dean’s always aimed his comfort at Castiel’s shoulders and his stomach, offering back pats and warm meals, as if even his hands can’t meet Castiel’s gaze.

Sam invites Castiel out to the roof of the bunker to look at the sunset, while Dean is out buying supplies for his tune-ups from the 24 hour mechanic shop he likes to visit when the usual customers aren’t around. Castiel knows this because Dean once told him, once said that he liked to go when the guys were just “shootin’ the shit,” so to speak, liked to roll up with Baby and have them look her over and tell him he’s done a good job. Castiel knows he likes the camaraderie of it, likes having men touch his shoulders and slap his ass the way men do, the way Castiel does not.

So Castiel and Sam are on the roof. “It’s beautiful,” Castiel says.

“It’s real,” Sam says, as if in reply.

“Yes,” Castiel agrees. “It’s that, too.”

Sam sighs. His cheek twitches, and he looks at Castiel. His body is so big— that’s what Castiel thinks, whenever he looks at Sam Winchester. So much goodness, in that broad and wiry body— how could anyone beat him down? Castiel’s heart clenches with love for his brother, because that’s what Sam is to him. “You know— you know this is real, right?” Sam asks. “You know it’s not— you’re not— you’re not in the djinn— in the dream anymore.”

“I know.” Perhaps it’s some angelic power, which makes Castiel so certain of his place. “I know where I am.”

“Good. That’s good.” Sam sits back in his chair, then. “Do you— do you wanna talk about what you saw?”

It’s kind of Sam to phrase it that way. Dean would’ve asked him directly. He would’ve said, What did you see? And Castiel would’ve had to tell him.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t ask. In any case, Castiel says, “I’m happy to tell you if you’re curious.”

Sam huffs out a laugh. “Damn,” he says, “you’re well-adjusted.”

Castiel smiles, too. “I don’t have much to hide from you, Sam,” he says. And he thinks of Dean, who surely must know— who must feel the weight of Castiel’s desire every day. Dean sees how careful Castiel is. He sees Castiel’s hesitance to touch him, sees Castiel’s eyes shining when Dean makes dinner for him, and knows the depth of Castiel’s feeling. The depth of Castiel’s feeling drives Dean to the 24 hour mechanic shop whose men can give Dean what Castiel can’t.

But Dean comes home to Castiel, too.

“Okay,” Sam says, “sure. If you’re really okay with it, then yeah, I’d— I’d love to know what an angel dreams about.”

Castiel wonders how to say it. “We had a house,” Castiel starts, “me and Dean.”

It was a small house. Castiel remembers that vividly. It was tall enough to feel comfortable, but with only a single floor. Two bedrooms— their room, and a guest room. Roof access. It was the kind of house where you could bump shoulders with someone in the kitchen easily, the kind of house that built intimacy. Castiel remembers Dean standing in the back door with his coffee, face turned up to the sun, as he did every morning. He was so beautiful. He’d had a smile on his face, an easy and gentle smile. He’d taken a sip of his coffee, and said, glad we started shellin’ out for the good stuff, Cas, because he knew Castiel was behind him. After so long together, Dean could trust that Castiel would always want to watch him in the morning sunlight, freckles coming in across the bridge of his nose. Some days, Castiel would kiss his shoulder, and say, You are who I cherish most in my life. Do you know that? and every time, Dean would say, Yes, sweetheart. I know.

“We were so happy,” Castiel whispers. It’s all he can think to say. He looks at the sunset. Dean will come home in an hour with new parts for the ‘58 in the garage and a spring in his step, and Castiel will say, Welcome home, Dean, and Dean will say, Thanks, man. They will sleep in separate rooms. Dean has no need for the kind of love Castiel dreams of. Dean is already as happy as he will ever be. In his own way, in the way Dean has outlined with his words and his body, Dean has delineated what it is that he wants and what it is he finds unnecessary. Castiel is honored to fit almost entirely into what Dean wants. The only thing he wishes is that he could jettison the remains.

“Did you— did you know you were in a dream?”

“The whole time.”

“And you—” Sam cuts himself off. “Jesus. That’s— wow. Did it, uh… I mean, what did you feel?”

Castiel considers the question. “I think a better way to phrase it is that I knew it… I knew it wasn’t material. That what I was experiencing was a construction. But it’s not… that distinction isn’t meaningful to me, the way it likely is to humans.”

“No shit,” Sam barks, too aggressive to be a laugh. Castiel looks at him. He’s hunched over, knee wiggling. “It’s— it’s important to me to— to— to know what’s real. That means something to me. Being certain about what the truth is.”

“I understand.”

“But I can’t know,” Sam says, and he looks at Castiel. Half-chuckling still, he says, “I think about it every day, but I can’t know. And you do know, but you don’t care. How fucked is that?”

Castiel’s mouth twitches, but he isn’t happy. He knows Sam isn’t either. “I wish I could give you my certainty,” he says, and Sam looks away. “All I can say is that you are real. I see you. I sense you, in all ways.”

Sam nods. He breathes, deeply, and asks, “Do you miss it?”

Castiel doesn’t pretend to misunderstand. Does he miss his house with Dean, the warm sunlight through the bay windows, the way Dean’s hands would slide over Castiel’s thighs in the front of the Impala? “No,” he says, because he thinks also of Dean’s bunker kitchen chili, and his unfettered delight at cowboy movies. “No, I don’t think so. Once — you remember, with God — once Dean asked me what about all this was real.”

“Yeah. I had the same question.”

“I told him we are.”

Sam exhales. “Oh.”

“Maybe that’s why it doesn’t matter to me,” Castiel realizes. “I know that Dean and I are real, that our friendship is— is a truth which has shaped our paths, in all ways. Whether it’s a djinn dream or a material place, I know the truth.”

Sam nods, considers it. Eventually, he asks, “What made you wake up?”

“I tried the moment I first realized,” Castiel says. “And again, a few— what I perceived as a few weeks later. That was when you found me. The first time I was too weak to escape on my own, and the djinn captured me again.”

“Shit, Cas,” Sam breathes. “You— you— you did it twice?”

“I’ve killed more often for less,” Castiel says. “Killing myself was easy.”

Sam doesn’t ask. Perhaps they’ve all tallied each other’s body counts. Castiel wonders if Sam keeps a list of all the people Castiel has killed.

Instead, Sam says, “Well. Here’s a— okay. The distinction between dreams and real life doesn’t matter to you. I get that. My question is, is it right to say that the material world has— that it’s primary, I guess?”

It’s interesting, to attempt to apply dialectical materialism to an angel. But perhaps faithful to God’s original purpose. “You’ve seen Heaven,” Castiel says, working it out as he says it. “It’s nothing but memories. Consciousness. You’ve seen Hell, too.”

“Yeah.”

“The only way to describe these places is through metaphor. A hallway. A cage. Ripping, tearing. I think that tells us that Earth is where true creation happens. No matter what Chuck says or does, you create your own destiny. Here.”

“Shit.” Sam shakes his head. The sun has gone down; now, Sam and Castiel are accompanied by twilight mosquitoes, by stars coming in up above. “We make our own choices, huh.”

“We have to.” That’s perhaps what was wrong with the djinn dream, the reason why Castiel couldn’t stay there. It had nothing to do with whether it was real or not. It was about choice. That Dean in that back doorway of that sunlit house must have had no choice — because this Dean, his Dean, would’ve chosen otherwise.

#asks #anon #suicide tw #(fictional suicide to get out of a djinn dream)#agoodsoldier fic

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hobbitsetal · 3 years

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also not the original anon, but I would love to hear any thoughts you have on faith, writing, and media consumption

I've written about media consumption more generally, when that dear classic piece of legalistic nonsense last made the rounds. That post is here: https://hobbitsetal.tumblr.com/post/624294779232059392/hobbs-i-wanna-hear-your-opinions-on-the.

In regards to faith and writing...Now there's a lovely broad topic to meander on about.

I think every writer of faith has unique purpose, as every person created has unique purpose. Books and films such as Silence, Babette's Feast, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lord of the Rings, Lionhearted, Tales of Goldstone Woods...All of these stir up conversations around God, around faith, around various questions of life.

And writing need not be explicitly Christian to stir such questions. I've referenced The Witcher pretty extensively in my last couple of posts. It's certainly not Christian, but I believe the author is Catholic and his beliefs influence the stories.

That's the core of it, isn't it? Our beliefs influence our stories. I believe in the importance of kindness, the Imago Dei, the great importance of the least of these people. I believe in self-sacrifice, in the harmfulness of stereotypes and the importance of getting to know people as individuals and the importance of culture.

More, I've grown up in a large family, I've felt small and silly before, I've dated for foolish reasons (and married for good ones), read widely, traveled a bit, dreamed of big things and settled into a quiet life.

All of these things go into my writing. All of who I am, in one way or another, shows up. My theological beliefs and fears and doubts go into my writing, sometimes entirely unconsciously.

I've laughed ruefully with friends before over the way personal struggles crop up in our writings as characters' problems somehow morph to reflect our own. That's part of why I write, especially when it comes to poetry: I understand myself better when I write. I'm able to articulate the thoughts swirling in my subconscious.

And that's something my pastor preached about a couple of Sundays ago: we need to know ourselves better to know and love God better. I need to learn what upsets me and what brings me joy, what makes me feel useful and what makes me impatient or peaceful or stressed or calm. If I know these things, I can manage my own emotions better and I can serve God more fully.

Writing in many ways becomes self-revelation. And the thing about revealing the self is that you never know when someone else will say, "Oh, me too!" You never know what experiences you share with others until you share the experiences.

We are all unique, and yet we are all so very similar, linked by life and imago Dei. So I guess my base philosophy is: write whatever you want in faith. Someone will resonate with it.

And since my mind is still running on OP anon and their question about writing something that goes against their beliefs, "whatever you want" should indeed include sins. I don't think we usually need the gory details--smut is generally not helpful for those trying to walk in holiness--but the sins themselves exist in the world. And when we see ourselves in others' art, sometimes that's what we need to recognize what and who we are becoming.

Sometimes messy family dynamics in a story help me realize my own culpability in my relationships. Sometimes a selfish character forces me to confront my own selfishness. I've written a relationship that ends when one of the characters realizes she isn't as interested as he is. I drew that from my own life, and I've had at least one friend say it was uncomfortably familiar.

Sometimes, we need to see the mud and the stains more than we need to see the pristine beauty. And sometimes we need to see beauty to remind us that mud and stains are cleanseable.

Whichever one you write, put it in the hands of God. I've found He gets it where it needs to be heard.

#somebody ask me to yell about Babette's Feast sometime #I love that movie #art media and faith

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curiosity-killed · 3 years

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Hi....If you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite MXTX characters (top 5 from each novel)? And why? I'm sorry if you've answered this question before.

Aw of course I don’t mind! Though I feel like my answer is going to be a disaster bc I love these casts so so much aha let’s see:

✨ SPOILERS AHEAD ✨

MDZS/CQL

1. Wei Wuxian

Ah so I feel like this is obvious based on the sheer quantity of things I produce and the effort I put into hurting him 😅 but yeah! I love how much of a classical tragic hero he is and I love how much love he has and how that gets twisted around and shaped into a collar of spikes around his own neck. I saw gif sets of wwx before I ever knew about CQL and my reaction was “fuck. I’m going to love him” and I do! And I love that he does learn from his past and I love most of all that he learns to accept the love he is given and is able to make a happy ending in a place of being loved and held in respect and appreciation

2. Wen Qing

On the other hand, I did not expect to be like “mine now” with Wen Qing. Don’t get me wrong, the sexy immortal look got me but it wasn’t really till I started writing fic that I was like ohhhhh Oh Boy. Wen Qing is brilliant and ruthless, fiercely loving and aloof and cold. I love that she gets the lose-lose challenge of balancing what is right for her family vs what is right in the world, what she owes to her sect and what she owes to individuals. The golden core transfer is my favorite dubious science experiment in p much all media I’ve consumed. She gets to be so human—prickly and tough and also achingly gentle and afraid and putting on a tough face and sometimes still crying. “I’m sorry and thank you” ! Im!!

3. Jiang Yanli

The first fic I wrote for this fandom was literally “Jiang Yanli died no she didn’t” lmao I do feel like I underserve Jiang Yanli in that I often fall prey to using her to further the complexity that the male characters are permitted while denying her the chance to be given the same space for development and breath — something to work on! But in that, I really genuinely love how tightly she binds herself to her family and how she tries so hard to be what others need her to be—and then she does make a choice for herself and for a single moment at least, she gets to be loved and to be happy and to have this, a husband and a son and a place, for herself. And terribly I love how much she permeates the story still after death. She is the unspoken voice, the face turned from the camera but always still present, carried in the hearts and names and memories of the ones left behind

She deserved better but—I am weak for the tragedy of it all

4. Jiang Cheng

Another surprise (tho hardly surprising in hindsight): Jiang Cheng is just...horribly understandable. He makes terrible choices and his greatest heroism is undone by a choice made for him or, in the case of “killing the Yiling Laozu” is a lie. He is such a youngest sibling who doesn’t want to be the youngest until all at once, he’s the one in charge and he doesn’t want it at all. He is full of anger and hurt and so much love he doesn’t know what to do with it, doesn’t want it anymore, has no place to put all of its terrible, overwhelming flood.

5. Lan Wangji

I almost didn’t put Lan Wangji or Jiang Cheng on here and then I realized that this is sort of a list of characters I’m pickiest about in fic and...yeah. I think what I love best about Lan Wangji is his journey of grief and healing and through that, his decision to step into world. Where Wei Wuxian’s decision to travel and be removed from the cultivation world (in varying degrees depending on your headcanon preference lol) is really, really important to me, Lan Wangji’s decision to go from being an isolated lone agent working apart from the systems of the world to being involved and invested in changing those systems and working to make them better is also really important to me. I’ve talked before about how relatable Lan Wangji is to me (esp with regards to our interaction with the outer world) and there is something deeply hopeful and comforting about post-timeskip Lan Wangji being in his like mid-/late-30s and still making decisions and growing and changing and choosing to invest himself in the world and the future

yeah. i have thoughts here that I don’t really have the maturity, life experience, or articulation to put into words but Lan Zhan Good basically

TGCF

1. Xie Lian

suuuurpriiiiise!! Yeah honestly mxtx’s mains in TGCF and MDZS really just hit all my buttons basically. What appeals to me most of all about Xie Lian is, fittingly, how he is humanity taken to extremes. His capacity for incredible kindness and compassion is equaled with his capacity for cruelness and ruthlessness. His heaven-shaking highs are matched with calamitous lows. He is the hyperbolic of what it is to be human—and he is also the small moments, the wildflowers and the maple leaves and the mundane chores and the comfort of whispered conversations late into the night. I could quite literally go on for pages about what I love about Xie Lian but I am not Hua Cheng and can restrain myself LMAO

2. Hua Cheng

of all the characters on these lists, Hua Cheng is the one I’m pickiest about tbh! When I say I love him for similar reasons as Xie Lian I don’t actually mean this as being similarities between the two but the fact that both of them so richly convey mxtx’s points about the nature of humanity and what it is to be human. Hua Cheng is both the boldest and most arrogant of all and also the most vulnerable, the one who shies away from the truth because he’s braced for it to hurt and isn’t sure he can take it. He is gory blood rain and an umbrella to shelter a fragile bloom; he is a blade whose wounds only heal if he permits it and he is a sacrifice that he brushes aside as a fit of madness. *pats his head* this boy can fit SO MUCH inside him that he refuses to acknowledge

3. Jun Wu

Definitely my favorite antagonist in recent reading. I was doubtful of him from the start (something something issues with authority something something probably should talk to my theoretical future therapist shhh) but the unfolding of his reveal was so delightfully painful and exquisite that I was like “YES!!!” reading all of it. About the epitome of a satisfying plot twist imo. But about the character himself, I love how he parallels so many — Xie Lian in his rise and fall, his glory and disgrace; Hua Cheng in his fixation and ruthlessness; He Xuan in losing himself to the plot and not knowing how to move forward. I love that he feels beyond human in a way the others don’t—he’s so old and has gone through so much and he doesn’t feel things the way humans do anymore, doesn’t remember right how love squeezes the heart or how hate can exist without acting on it. I love that he thinks he knows how to control everyone and that it’s such mundane things that fool him: Xie Lian’s absurd stubbornness, Hua Cheng’s foolish faith, Yin Yu’s...emotional maturity??? Not Sure how to verbalize that one. But in the end, he is defeated by both the humanity of others and by his own—he’s so tired. He’s exhausted in a way that gods and ghosts aren’t meant to be. He is, under the armor and the masks, the curses and the power, human—benevolent and cruel, evil and good.

4. He Xuan

I love my fish man! No but really I love how He Xuan is so fixed on his one goal that he refuses to acknowledge anything else in his (after)life—which doesn’t make it go away. I love that he is left unmoored, purposeless through the very act of completing that which gives him purpose. I love his long con and the ways he clings to himself but loses himself not in the act but in the telling himself it’s an act. I love that he tries to be a moral man and then becomes a ghost king, a calamity. His reveal is also terribly badass and I do love his bone fish wholly unironically. Like I’m not going to get a He Xuan tattoo (for one thing I’ve been meaning to get a tattoo for 5 years and still haven’t gotten around to it) but also. B o n e f i s h

5. Mu Qing

Of course! The Jiang Cheng of tgcf lol Mu Qing (which my phone desperately wants to autocorrect to my Qing) is so...gah he’s such a mess! And he so fully commits to the belief that no one will ever see and understand him as he is but will always view them through their own convictions about him and his actions — which is simultaneously heartbreakingly lonely and also. Sir You Are a Clown. I genuinely think he’s owed apologies from both Feng Xin and Xie Lian for their treatment and assumptions of him and think that he would be HORRIBLY offended at the thought (while secretly touched? But like secretly even to himself). He will never explain himself and will just clam up tighter the more people accuse him and it’s such a self-sabotaging behavior and also so horribly relatable. I love u sir, you’re a disaster

SVSS I have not read but I do really like the moshang art 😂

#long post #asked & answered #lol sorry this is so long and incoherent #the truth is that I really love these stories and their casts #and I think it’s v hard to extricate the characters from the cast #because they are so deftly and beautifully interwoven #but here are the characters I think are my favorites lol #loosely in order #tgcf spoilers #also this is why I prefer tgcf to mdzs tbh?#jgy is intellectually interesting to me and a good antagonist #but not personally compelling in the way jw is

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scriptaed · 5 years

Text

the redmail | 01

♡ genre: angst/fluff; college!au; e2l!au;

♡ pairing: reader x yoongi;

♡ length: 2.4k;

♡ synopsis: stoic, indifferent, and aloof, you’ve always wondered what made that oddball yoongi the heartthrob of the school; that is, until one day, when you finally catch him red-handed and the origins of his popularity are unveiled—that bastard’s been writing himself his own love letters! [...] // a drabble of the redmail but written in yoongi’s pov because things aren’t always what they seem.

♡ commissioned by @shadowsremedy: thank you so so much for the support! eeespecially for requesting this because it was so much fun to write. i hope you enjoy this c:

The silence she leaves in her wake is overbearing—but then again, how stupid am I to assume otherwise after having just witnessed the outbreak of a ferocious tempest? I knew it would hurt. I knew she would explode, being the untamed girl I’ve come to know much too well. I knew she would face dejection, even if she vainfully concealed it, because she’s never been completely honest with neither me nor herself; and as certain as I was of her dismay over my threat against her necessary albeit forced confession to Jin, the one and only thing of much more certainty was the hurt I would inevitably face. She might not know it—and I, myself, wouldn’t have believed such an absurd claim just a month ago—but I would rather sit through another dozen of her outfit checks than to be the cause of her pain again.

And that says a lot.

Tsk. Winter is especially relentless tonight. I’ve never been the type to reel at the bite of cold, but the ghost she left behind has me balled up and shivering. I glance around the stretch of the lengthy street overlooking a river and lit by cold blue post lights, drowning myself in the chirps of crickets only to prim at the absence of any passersby. At least no one had to pay witness to the horrific argument that most would only cringe at while watching all those rom-coms that Y/N had forced me to sit through. Not that I really cared what others thought. Knowing Y/N, however, she would have been whining to me about how others would misconstrue the situation and spread false rumors about our lover’s quarrel… that is, if she were even willing to speak to me again.

How long has it been since she stormed off anyways?

I could only scoff at myself in disbelief when a pathetic epiphany dawns upon me. Here I sit, in the middle of a stranded street after spending my entire Sunday night acting as a pretend boyfriend for a girl whose eyes lied elsewhere—and yet, despite having been scolded by said girl and deservedly so, my body remains affixed to the bench and every and any efforts to budge are in vain.

Why?

It’s shamefully dumb for me to admit—and I would never do it aloud, for no one, including myself, should have to endure such torture—but I’m clinging onto our last: the last time I shared a seat with her, the last time she held my hand even if in the name of “practice,” the last fragment in time I could relish and smile stupidly over her but only secretly at my own discretion.

A small puff of white followed by a larger, heavier cloud fills the air as I release the weight along with the burden that remains in my chest. The winter cold sends chills to my bone and the white lights blind me as I unintentionally challenge it to a staring contest, but they all pale in comparison to the daunting possibility of a tomorrow without the daily bother she had forced me to become accustomed to.

God, I always appreciated quality time with silence, but it’s too damn quiet around here. Where is her endless blabbering when I need it?

Nonetheless, I stumble onto my feet. It goes without saying: my conviction is undeterred. I don’t regret telling her the truth nor do I regret having blown some steam over her silly, Jin-driven fanatic antics that I had allowed for far too long. I had to tell her. It was for the better. She had to get over it, and when she finally does get over it… would she finally recognize her true value? Could she finally appreciate a man who could treat her right?

...and in her own treacherous words that reverberates through the silent night and wreaks chaos in what was once my perfectly tranquil state of mind: what would I do if, someday, her heart really found its way to me?

“Pft, second choice to Jin?” I scoff to myself, shaking my head, burying my hands into my pockets, and kicking the rocks to the curb along with my pathetic skip of a heartbeat, “Don’t ‘kid around with me.”

♡ ♡ ♡

“Oh, Yoongles!” Jin kicks a leg over the other, quickly catching his toppled laptop and returning it to his lap just as I enter the room, “you going out on evening dates now, too, or wh—” he pauses and grimaces once he notices something, whatever it is, on my face, “—what happened?”

“First, you don’t get to call me ‘Yoongles,’” I deadpan, “and second, we need to talk.”

“Talk? Us?” Jin articulates but I don’t really need to answer for him to realize the gravity of the situation. Propping a pillow behind him and the wall, Jin finally sits up and chuckles nervously, “what’s with you recently? Given, you’ve always been a moody grandpa, but you seem… particularly bothered nowadays.”

How was I supposed to bring her up without being bombarded by his inevitably nosy questions? And how do I ask him for a favor without spilling the secret Y/N had entrusted me with? It was a hard task, one that I really would rather not go through the hassle of doing, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight otherwise.

For her, I had to do it.

Strolling across the short span of our tiny room, I don’t even realize that I’ve been pacing back and forth between our two beds before finally leaning against my desk. The next thing I know, I’ve been staring at Jin far more intently and probably more intensely than a person asking for a favor should have been.

Thankfully, Jin being the usual albeit irritatingly perky guy he is, he waves my silence off as just another normal day with me, “you need my assistance? What is it? Dating advice? Haha, I knew it! It’s okay, you don’t have to be shy—”

“—it’s about Y/N.”

I make sure to cut him off before he establishes a steady rhythm.

“Oh,” a smug grin stains his face and I have to remind myself exactly who I’m doing this for in order to hold the click of my tongue, “so that’s who this is all about. What’s up? Finally taking a liking to girls, eh? Well, I don’t blame you. Y/N’s a good catch—”

“—she’s not some fish you can just ‘catch,’’” the words slip from lips just as my tongue clicks. Clearing my throat, I cross my arms and shuffle in place… hopefully enough of a surrender for the favor I’m about to ask. A momentary pause follows but after peeking at him from the corner of my eyes and finding him indulging in his own incomprehensible mumbles, a scoff escapes along with my own unnecessary worries.

Damn, I’m really starting to sympathize with Y/N because he really is a dense one.

“...although I do have to say she’s changed a lot. Say,” Jin babbles, finally turning to realize that his words have been going in through one ear and out the other, “did you start liking her before everything or after everything?”

“‘Everything?’” I quirk a brow at his question.

“You know, like, makeup and clothes,” Jin pauses, “well, I guess you’ve never been too close with her until now, so you might not remember—”

“—I remember,” I say much more adamantly than I intended, having to clear my throat before continuing, “she might not look like it, but she’s the same person as she’s always been.”

“Oh?” Jin purses his lips and nods admittedly. “Well, of course you would know. So, after breaking the hearts of half the girls in school, what is it about her that’s finally enraptured the heartthrob himself?”

Of course the heart-breaker himself would ask that.

A simple roll of the eyes is enough for him to understand that the last thing I would give him is an answer to his question.

“Oh! You might be silent but you’re also not denying it! I’ll take it as a victory,” he chimes proudly but I only wrinkle my nose at him in distaste, especially when he bounces forward far too enthusiastically and almost tips his laptop off the bed. “Ooh! Oh my God, does she like you, too?”

“What?”

Silence befalls the room for what seems to be an eternity. I don’t even realize the extent of my glare until I notice Jin flinching backwards and bracing himself for the scolding I surely would have given if it weren’t for what I’m about to ask of him.

What is it with Y/N and Jin today? Proposing the most absurd scenarios that could only exist hypothetically? It’s odd, considering how questions don’t usually agitate me like this, but...

I mean, does she like me? How ironic is it that her crush, himself, questions her feelings for me, someone who is simply her wingman only under the conditions of blackmail?

And if, supposedly in the rarest of chances, her attention has really averted elsewhere, how pathetic would I be as a mere second choice?

“No,” I grimace, purposely staring him down to get the point across, “no, she doesn’t like me.”

“Oh,” Jin pouts in sudden dismay, “I’m sorry, man. Do you know who she likes then?”

“Don’t know, don’t care,” I shrug. I don’t know why but something about this topic has me wanting to walk out of this room this very second; and before I know it, my discontent had somehow manifested in what I had always thought to be incomprehensible mumbles, “but if she really did like someone, they’d probably be almost as dumb as her decisions.”

“‘Dumb?’” Jin almost shrills. “You’ve never called anyone dumb before except for me—”

—shit.

What did I even say? How did he hear me? Never mind that, had I given away too much? Surely not, right? Jin, the most dense of all guys, wouldn’t be able to decipher the message from something as simple as that, right?

“No,” I quickly blurt, recomposing myself by shuffling in place and putting on a blank canvas that would be my best joker face, “you’re not the only one. I mean, Y/N’s dumb, too.”

“Well, if you know so adamantly for a fact that she doesn’t like you, then you do know that she likes someone…” Jin mumbles to himself. “That would mean you’ve been lying to me thus far… which means…”

Should I stop him now? Should I throw him off track or would that only raise more suspicion? Worse yet, what is this dreadful pain that’s hammering against my chest? It’s almost as if I’m helplessly staring at an impending doom that would soon take my life by storm… because, even if I had threatened Y/N with her secret, what on earth would I do if I really were to have confessed for her?

“...does Y/N like me?”

Betraying her is the last thing I wanted.

“Jin,” I say through gritted teeth because nothing could alleviate the tension brought upon by the drop in my stomach, “I know you have a big ego, but that’s a stretch for even a dumbass like you—”

“—no, no,” Jin purses and my heart almost stops when his eyes flicker from the ceiling and back on me, “you usually don’t care enough about my silly remarks. If I really were being stupid, you would have rolled your eyes and walked off mumbling ‘dumbass,’ but seeing that you’re still here…”

Silence ensues—each second dragging on even longer than its precedent. Shit, why does he have to be fucking Sherlock Holmes now out of all times? If I could, I really would like to strangle my roommate right here, right now.

I gulp, “what?”

“Well,” Jin frowns at the newly reached epiphany, “I have two conclusions. One, Y/N does like me and that would mean I’ve been completely blind to all her obvious hints. In fact, I feel like shit for being so oblivious!”

“Pft.”

I probably shouldn’t have scoffed because that only confirms his statement, but how could I hold in the pleasure of finally witnessing the horror that dawns upon his oblivious self?

“Oh my God,” he gasps in horror, eyes darting to find me in distraught with a finger pointing at himself, “did she change how she dresses because of me?”

“She could care less what you think.”

“So she did change everything for me!” he cups his cheeks in panic. “And to think that I even laughed at her over dressing up for study sessions!”

As much as I would like to sit back and watch him frantically putting two and two together, the worry that weighs heavily in the forefront of my conscience screams all the more for my attention with each dire second.

“Jin.”

His panicked eyes dart to me from his waving mess of a paired hands and he answers meekly, “...yes?”

“Don’t you dare tell Y/N you figured it all out,” my mutter comes with a threatening point of the finger, “and if in the case that you and your dumbass big mouth lets it slip, you better fucking be gentle with her or I swear I’ll crack your skull open in your sleep.”

Jin arches a brow at me, but the surprise is quickly overtaken by the smallest of smiles. At least the slight upturned corner of his lips is able to put me at somewhat of an ease, knowing that Jin would at least try to keep his word. “Of course. I might not like Y/N that way, but she’s still a good friend of mine.”

“And,” I continue, mumbling, “could you possibly take her out for dinner at least once? She’s been dreaming of it since forever... please.”

Nodding his head, he answers, “sure can do.” I can finally sigh a breath of relief. When a quizzical, smug grin replaces that look of ingenuity, however, I find myself staring him down once again. “But you wanna know what my second conclusion is?”

“No,” I click my tongue,” I don’t.”

This time, I wasn’t lying. Truthfully and wholeheartedly, hearing his second conclusion was the last blow I could handle after the merciless whirlwind that was today… especially considering how his deductive reasoning has been on an eerily spot-on streak tonight.

“Well, seeing the usually indifferent you trying to do everything you can to stop me from figuring it all out, I’ve arrived at my second conclusion,” the shithead persists while ignoring your death glares, “you, Mr. Min Yoongi, must be head over heels in love.”

Shit, I can only cross my arms and look at anything but those irritatingly sparkly eyes of his, because—out of all the most oblivious men in the world—that dumbass has caught me red-handed.

#bts scenarios #bts angst #bts fluff #bts x reader #bts x you #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #suga x reader #suga x you #yoongi angst #yoongi fluff #suga angst #suga fluff #bts fanfic #bts imagines #yoongi fanfic #suga fanfic #the redmail #scriptaed

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wollfling · 4 years

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Hi Allie! I wondered if I could ask you for some advice. I want to draw really badly and create art but I really don't have any skill! I know that in order to get better at art I have to actually do it, but I feel so overwhelmed by how I'm not where I want to be with it right away, and also with where to start with learning to draw. Do you ever feel that way when you draw? And if you do how have you gotten past it?

[I am literally so sorry this is so long oh my God. My mind has been very jumbled lately so I accidentally rambled too much, but I hope it still helps you in any way orz] Oh sweet little anon.. ;^; I do feel that way, a lot of the time if not all of the time! Just recently this week, I felt like I just couldn't draw despite picking up my pencil and scribbling, it just wasn't working partly for that exact reason! Overwhelmed by not being where I want to be with it! These things happen and its frustrating. It's hard for me to imagine as a beginner artist because I've been drawing since I can remember but I will still do my best to offer you some meaningful advice!

But first, to answer your very last question, getting past it can be a little random sometimes. This whole week after being unable to draw, I was laying in bed trying to sleep while reflecting on some heavy feelings ive been having and memories. Suddenly part of an image flashed in my mind and I got up to immediately try drawing it. (The drawing I recently posted and captioned "parade"!) I worked on it completely driven by my heart, and so it didn't matter at the time if it looked good or was anatomically correct, etc. Right now I am working on another heart-driven drawing, but if I tried to work on lets say a study or character drawing instead.. I dont think i could!

My point in all this is that, I think that its important to know/understand why you want to create art, and I think my advice would change slightly depending on your answer. For me personally, I am an emotional artist. I create art that (usually) reflects how I'm feeling or topics I am emotionally drawn to. Illustrations, drawing characters, writing comics, etc.. I think this week, while I'm definitely struggling with my skill level, I was so burdened by some things I've been feeling lately that I couldn't focus on or enjoy anything that I was trying to create, until I was able to release it all in a drawing. (And I'm still not done with them hence why I am now working on another related drawing, but im making SOMETHING and feeling passionate which cannot be said with any of my other attempts this week.) So since these drawings purpose outweigh my current issues regarding my skill, I am able to work on them. If that makes sense?

Okay im sorry with how long-winded this all is so far and all about myself orz but I wanted to give context on how I view art and I think if you asked someone who creates like. Hyperrealistic drawings their answers would be completely different. So! I wanted you to be able to judge if my advice would work for you if that makes any sense at all...!!! Moving on to my actual advice then..!

This is a little general ofc because I dont know what sort of art you are creating, or what your passion behind it is. And if after this you would like to tell me more about your art I would love to hear! 🥺💗 you are welcome to dm me or if you send another anon/ask i think that would be good too since.. well other artists who see can also give their own advice too!

Okay. So anyways lol, first I want to tell you that your desire to create art makes you an artist, despite your skill level. And therefore, everything and anything that you make even now has value. Even if right now you're drawing wonky shaded spheres and cubes! I understand its frustrating when wanting to make something but you feel like your skill isn't "there" and how that can prevent you from making anything to begin with!! But I really want you to try and work through it! Ignore it, disregard it, give your worries about your skill the silent treatment!! And I know its near impossible to do but if its getting in the way of you actually creating well.. thats the worst! We can't have that. If you really want to draw, then you really NEED to draw, you know what I mean? You deserve to draw! The hardest part for like 80% of artists is working around their skill level. I promise you will get there, but for now, you can't let it get in your way. And I realize me saying "oh you feel like you're not good at drawing and its hindering you from doing it? Just do it" sounds like Chad advice but ;---; unfortunately its the reality that comes with being an artist. If you tell me more about what you like to/why you want draw then maybe we can find some alternate lines of thinking that will help you (for example "this tiger i drew looks like shit but drawing all of her stripes was therapeutic and made it worth it!" If lets say you draw as a stim, opposed to "this tiger im drawing looks so bad I can't even look at it anymore " dhsjhd I really hope that this all makes sense lol.)

Moving on, learning how to draw.. this also depends on what you enjoy drawing but my main piece of advice here is study from real life. I grew up drawing cartoons and anime, and now that I want to draw a little more realistically.. its so hard!! If you study real shapes/people/animals/etc it might be easier later on when you understand fundamentals to bend them if you decide to create stylized or surreal art. However if right now you like to draw stylized art, I would recommend to keep working on your personal style while studying from real life on the side simultaneously! Any way you look at it, understanding how shapes, lighting, colour, etc work in the real world will help you out even with the most obscure pieces. And since art is a learned skill yknow you need to build those brain..pathways..and such. Im not a scientist but you get what i mean. Studies are the equivalent to lifting weights! I would recommend the website quickposes (com) they have a library of images that they throw at you at random. The site can explain itself better than I can lmao, check it out!!!

I really hope i was able to offer you something of value here, I didnt mean to ramble so much. I'm excited for you to grow as an artist, I love when I hear about others deciding to learn how to draw ;-; please feel welcome to ask for any clarification (as im having a hard time articulating my thoughts lately) or if you really just want to ask or say anything! ♡♡♡ again sorry if this was more than you bargained for length wise dhsishskshksj

#im wishing you the best anon!!! you can do it!!!#and im 100% serious please feel welcome !!#also if any other artists want to chip in I think it would be fun! ♡

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alovevigilante · 3 years

Text

(Warning: responsible over explanation out of fear of judgement from others forthcoming... thank you in advance, the management of Kari keillor, that’s me.)

My informed precursor to my personal process (re: this writing piece): in my opinion and from my own personal experience, before you try any unfamiliar therapy on yourself, it’s good to have support, from both yourself, and a professional versed with the ability to also support you, guide you through any eventuality of feelings you may experience, and remind you, that you can decide to be present, and focused on that, at any point.

Before you read this piece, you will be triggered by its message or not, depending on your beliefs. These upcoming words are my own experiences from my specific filter, given to you, with love. Please be responsible and respectful of me, and yourself after reading them, by not being hyper critical. Is Kari keillor even allowed to share her POV without her own judgements? We’ll see. Read on, or not.

Wait! Now how are you reading this? What is your personal filter saying to you about my writing all of this so far? Are you defensive because I created a space for truth about people’s judgements including my own prior to your reading my opinions about my upcoming writing? Or, are you still open minded to my thoughts? Are you still here reading this, or did you blow me off a long time ago? Did you look at my selfie and make assumptions about me, and who I am? Or, are you open to hearing me speak about whatever it is that I’m going to? Will I ever know how you, the reader, feels about any of this? Do you know how I’m feeling as I type this? Are you sure you do, if you do? What’s my intention? I told you it was love, but do you believe me? Why am I asking all this? Why, out of fear of rejection, and a little bit of messing with you, of course. How did that make you feel? I don’t feel good about it, cause it’s not really me. It’s the defensive me. So, let’s try again with a more loving energy shift.

Trust, in the self and then subsequently in others, is the key to the Allowing love in, and that is the key, to all of my aforewritten blather. When you trust, you release your resistance to love. You are then capable of seeing things from a more positive and yes, beautiful new place. You can I’ll be able to look at old situations with a new loving perspective and energy. You will recognize the love in others. Allowing yourself to experience love, is the support you need from you, to finally kick the shit in your mind, whatever that may be blocking you from communing with others and yourself and just be happy. That means, to support your opinions, by not judging yourself, or prejudging your audience thinking they will also judge you too. And even if they don’t, you’ll most likely think they are anyway, because that’s how fear works. Fear, is a specific filter that messes with your solar plexus chakra. That is where your self esteem is housed.

Now, If I was really worried about how I was going to be experienced by others I probably wouldn’t write publicly to begin with, and sometimes I don’t, as I also keep a journal. If I was truly upset about what others thought, I may say, “I will now delete all the rest of the shit I wrote below, because I’m not attached to it. I’m going to choose, to love myself out of fear, and not share any of me with anyone ever again. But first, I’m going to take the next 2:13 seconds to finish on the treadmill, because sometimes I write while I’m on it.” Then I may say, “Ok. I’ve completed my work out, and I’m sitting on the treadmill, writing again.” And I did say and so all of those things. And now, I’ve thought better about deleting anything, because everything I was, even my fears, has made me the me I am sitting here writing now, and you know what? I’m a pretty decent chick, and I deserve to be treated better by me. So I will preempt myself next time, and not even get this far, in my mental negative self talk, prejudging myself and others. Maybe I’ll use that my time more productively next time. Maybe I’ll eat a twizzler, and dream about what feeling I actually DO want in my life as opposed to fearing and entertaining the feelings that I don’t want, and then by thinking it, I will inadvertently feel better, or something much more fun like that. Yes. That.....

I love to write. I love to share my feelings, my thoughts, and my experiences around all of it with you. So, instead of being defensive about my upcoming thoughts, I’m going to allow you, the reader, to create your own thoughts about what I wrote, because I trust in the process, that the messages will get to the right directions they need to. Thanks for listening, and thanks for letting me let my hair down about all this. 😉💕

Bed head goals. Rainbow colors, all represented. Even orange. See, that’s life. Everyone, is included, but not everyone is equally aware of that fact. Everyone is family. I am not speaking specifically about the family you were born into or married into, or choose to cohabitate with. I am speaking of the family of the human race. We are all interconnected. How do you treat your family? Do you relate to people as you perceive they feel about you? Do you hold grudges? Do you treat people, as you last remembered them to be? Did you cryogenically freeze people in time in your head according to how you felt, at that certain time in your life? Do you remember the good things? Do you care about how you feel now?

I do. I care about how I feel. Right now, in this moment I’m choosing to. So I’ve decided to do that, right now, and stop answering those questions. Because the answer to them all, is to choose love. A loving feeling, a loving thought, a loving action. That’s the process to recognizing every one and everything as family. A functional family... 😉

In the moments before this one, as I wrote, I was recalling, thinking, about how I do all those things, in a more personal way. And how I felt as I recalled those specific memories, wasn’t great. For some people, it may have been good memories they were reviewing in their minds. But if you’re anything like me, most of the things you recall about your past, aren’t so very helpful or fun to think about, due to some outward situations and experiences, but underneath that, how I felt about myself at the time.

I was in therapy some years back, and we did this exercise called, “internal family systems model” or “IFSM” (1) for short, where we (my therapist and I) linked my feelings in my body or my thoughts to specific times in my life, and labeled them as parts of my former self.

For example, I would close my eyes and breathe into a relaxed state, and connect to my 15 year old self that couldn’t articulate the feelings she felt at that time, but I was holding beliefs as my current self deriving from that specific time in my life. Sometimes I would feel a pain or a physical symptom that turned into a memory I had from the past. Then, I would feel into that memory as it would arise, and explore it with the younger me that experienced it.

I would describe it as a kind of like a deliberate reverse Sybil situation, where as sybil was a dissociative case, I was fully conscious and chose to experience, as was completely aware of the process, and was able to return to a more normal, and integrated state after each session. It was an associative process for me. It’s a conditioning of the mind, where the goal, is union of the self. The purpose was to pinpoint my specific feelings in my physical body, and talk to them as if they were separate from me, because in a sense they were, by my subconscious choice out of self protection. Some of me was not on board with the me I am today, because they were stuck in the hurt of the past, and the feelings I was holding. And sometimes not on purpose, these younger parts of me were hindering me with my old stories and beliefs about myself, from fully realizing the me I wanted to be now.

The work was invaluable, and I’m extremely proud of my internal work that I’ve done. I was able to go back to my specific memories, and to the me I was at the time. I would discuss things with the younger me, and ask what the younger me needed to share with me, and to consciously choose to care for myself, council myself, and send myself love.

Sometimes it took awhile to develop the trust between the younger me, and the now older me, to reveal things even to myself. All of those feelings of hurt and pain that I held inside for years. Why the younger me felt the way she/ I did. How different as we, a whole Kari, are now, and how I can listen, to my own needs, and care for my parts of me that didn’t feel loved or appreciated back then; because I wasn’t capable at the time to show up in a supportive and loyal way for them at the time I felt hurt, betrayed or abandoned by myself. It took awhile, but I eventually came to a place of understanding from within myself, to get really honest, and then trust again. You, are also a person that feels, you. Ignoring yourself, is ignoring the person that you are the closest to.

I choose to create inner peace, with self love and kindness. I support myself, by telling those parts that act out in hurt or shame, that I still love, me. I sometimes don’t have to say a word, but I make a conscious effort to connect directly to those feelings inside of myself, and offer myself, a chance to heal, with space and love. It’s not the usual technique that people do, but I believe it helped me connect to the parts of me that felt betrayed by my former actions and thoughts, and allowed me a chance to get on the same page with where I’m at today, in a healthier way. It’s a fantastic coping mechanism for regaining the trust you need to rebuild, from within.

I honestly believe that that, regaining trust within the individual, is the key to healing the planet, and here’s how; the love cannot be recognized, understood or internalized by you, until you trust you. The trust is what allows you to let go of harsh judgements and beliefs, and allows the inner love, to be both created and experienced. If you do not trust yourself to feel love, you will act out accordingly. You won’t trust another person to have your best interest at heart. You won’t be able to feel love, even if that is the way it was intended for you.

So, the first step to experiencing love, is developing a better, more honest relationship with you. Go into the places you feel, and see. Sometimes it shows up physically. For me, it was in my throat. I felt constricted at times, like I couldn’t articulate how I wanted to verbally. I still feel that way sometimes. Writing, for me, has been a serious blessing, that I appreciate. I do it a lot. It helps me sort out my feelings on a way that I can understand, and externalize. It’s a form of self expression that allows me the time and the space, to get really honest with myself, and about my feelings. And some of those feelings, are old stories that don’t serve the current me anymore.

I found doing the parts work, that the loudest voices that I thought, meaning my loudest thoughts, were always the most hurtful to me, and others. They were what I called, “judges” and “the stenographers”. I realized they served a very important purpose in the grand scheme of me, and that purpose was to protect the smaller, younger parts of me that didn’t have a voice, or were afraid to speak their pain. The judges didn’t realize they were hurting me. But my self talk was this constant reminding of hurtful things past. The stenographers would remind me, in full detail what had previously been recorded, in order to never allow that to happen again. Only, that act of reminding was and still is, holding me back from trusting other people because of it. The judges concurred, and cast their verdicts according to the perception of the stenographer’s recounting.

I was internally protected alright, but not in a way where I could comfortably connect with others. I’m still having an issue with connection myself, as my stenographers do a very excellent and thorough job, or reminding me over and over, and over again, what I have experienced, all of my old, unhelpful stories. And anything else I didn’t know, I surmised, and filled in the blanks, usually negatively. And my judges are great too, and on it, and they cut that shit right out of my life alright, but unfortunately not out of my head. And it’s always my decision, to allow them to do it, until I decide to focus, on a new, and better story that I myself, create. So essentially I had to work backwards. I went from my life in the present, to my current actions, to my own old beliefs, to my own old thoughts, to my own old experiences around those thoughts, to my old feelings. I have decided to bypass that now, when I can, and just decide to focus on feeling better whatever that takes. It’s the current deliberate energy shift to better that changes feelings. And everything looks better, from that vantage point.

Retelling ourselves old stories, serves to keep us in a very uncomfortable place. As we grow, and we all do, what fit our lives to think and believe about ourselves and others, don’t always stay the same. The more we live, and the more experiences we have, the more we develop resolute ideas to create a semi false sense of stability on the inside. “Well, I’ve talked to her before... she’s weird....” or, “I know her type, she’s not cool.” Whatever judgements we cast upon others, we have felt and experienced ourselves in some capacity. It always starts, and ends, with us as individuals, and how we’ve felt, and how we choose to feel, next.

People can only truly believe what they have experienced or can truly connect to, and not necessarily what they have learned or heard from others. So the recognition that we are all interconnected is the first step to healing the world, but the precursor to that, is recognition of the self, and taking responsibility for how we as individuals feel. The healing must begin there first, otherwise our individual perceptions will always reflect on others, what we feel about ourselves. The basic need for belonging is in all of us. We are social beings, in need of feeling loved. If we start there, and are kinder to ourselves with our self talk, and how we choose to feel about ourselves in general, it will allow the individual to open up to see that reflection outwardly.

Because of this work, I became really interested in the process of becoming, and then began reading up on, and listening to speeches about the law of attraction, and from there, I started linking the two. My internal guidance is my family unit. And my love, is a co-creation between me, and the god force that works through me. It’s my process, my life, that I write about frequently. How can I get in touch with my feelings enough to feel, better. How can I do it? For years I looked for outside validation and acceptance for others to fill me up, but it never worked. Going within, was my only choice to feel better. I had to take responsibility for my own feelings, and ownership of my own thoughts and beliefs. No one can do it for anyone, as we are all in charge of our own filter, and how we see the world.

I am working on how I feel now. I have decided that regardless of the judgements or opinions good or bad that others hold of me, that I will no longer abide by that as my self definition. That said, I am still human, and fall prey to insecurities and depression about my life. We, as individuals can go one of two ways with it. We can project outwardly to others directly about how we feel internally or we can internalize every hurt we’ve ever felt and become a doormat for people who project their hurt onto others. I went that route first, and then I stopped. I became the me I always wanted to be, only alone. I aligned with myself, and realized that a good majority of the people that were on my life were comfortable with the old scenario. I had changed, but the dynamics of my life hadn’t. It takes awhile for the new energy to integrate with the old, established, formerly agreed upon 3D world that we all share and experience. I’m still working it out internally, so I can mesh with the already established energy in my own life in a way that better suits myself and others.

I don’t necessarily feel fabulous yet, but I’m practicing. I choose better feelings due to my focus on things that please me more often. I tend to act silly a lot, purposefully, to lighten my mood and change my energy for the better. I ask myself this question, “What can I think and believe, and truly hold that emotion as long as possible, to feel good?” And that’s how it starts. I used to be very concerned about what people thought about me. I sometimes still am, but less so now that I’ve decided to be myself more often without having to constantly apologize for it. I have noticed that genuinely happy people do not decide to think ill of themselves, then subsequently do not speak ill of others, so I’ve tried to stop gossiping. Being happy and talking trash is not the same vibrational energy. Those of us who choose to practice feeling good on the inside, are generally going to treat people with the same respect.

Loving yourself, isn’t wrong. Loving yourself, is the link you can create to become trustworthy to yourself, and to others. The lies we tell ourse subconsciously and consciously every day serve as a dissonance from within. You are love. That’s it. It’s only as simple or as complex as you want to make it. Telling yourself anything but that, is untrue, and the trust you develop with yourself can’t fully be realized. Choosing to feel good, to support yourself, and to act in accordance to that support, is the way to true happiness. And that goes for everyone. It’s not the people you need to separate from, it’s the loveless energy that we as individuals choose to hold, and to share. That decision starts with your feelings.

We are smarter than allowing our fears to override the truth about who we are. And our thoughts are a vehicle to our healing. Holding better thoughts, and disrupting old thought patterns with better energy and better topics to ruminate on will bring forth the change we wish to see in the world, but it needs to start from us, individually, and taught to our children as well.

Sister sledge sings a song called, “we are family. I got all my sisters, and me.” Yes. We have our brothers too. But the key word, is, me. We so often leave ourselves out of the equation. Love starts and ends with us. So make it happen. Be the one, who chooses, decides, and makes it different for all of us, and for you. Let’s become whole again. Let’s choose love, and everything that entails, one person at a time. Start with you. Because your internal family, needs you the most. 🌈💕

(1) from the book: Introduction to internal family systems model by Richard C. Schwartz, Ph. D.

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talabib · 3 years

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How To Develop The Five Traits Th at Are Crucial To Success.

In 2001, at the age of 23, when she was broke and unemployed, Kim Perell identified three overarching goals that she wanted to achieve in her life: to have freedom, to be her own boss and to control her own destiny. Just seven years later, in 2008, she was a multimillionaire who had sold her first company for $30 million.

Having achieved her goals, she decided that she wanted to help other entrepreneurs achieve them as well. To that end, she became an angel investor – a person who provides investment capital to start-up companies. In the course of investing in more than 70 companies, she has observed that the crucial factor that turns entrepreneurial dreams into successful realities is the ability to execute – to carry out a plan of action.

This execution factor, in turn, depends on five traits, all of which can be developed by anyone willing to put in the work. Lets explore the five traits of execution – taking each in turn, explaining some general principles to deepen your understanding of them and then discussing some specific, practical techniques for mastering them.

Having a vision provides you with guidance on your journey to success.

In 1961, at the height of the Cold War, the United States found itself falling behind the Soviet Union in the space race. The Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin had become the first human to reach outer space, beating the United States to that accomplishment. So to spur his country into action, President John F. Kennedy made a bold proclamation: by the end of the decade, the United States would land an American astronaut on the Moon.

In making this proclamation, Kennedy was articulating a vision – an ambitious, visualizable and inspiring aspiration for the future. Having a vision is the first trait of effective execution. In Kennedy’s case, it was a vision for an entire nation, but you, too, can have visions for yourself, your career or the company you’re working for or want to start.

Bringing our analogies back down to earth, while still keeping an eye on the heavens above, you can think of your vision as being akin to the North Star that once helped sailors navigate the seas. Like that celestial body, a vision provides you with a reference point that can help you navigate life’s choppy waters and unexpected waves.

Those “waves” are the events, setbacks and competing pressures that can distract you from pursuing your dreams. By keeping your mind’s eye fixed on your vision, you can stay focused on your life’s work and maintain your direction toward your desired destination, even during tough times.

That destination is the future you envision for yourself. It can take many forms. It could be a purpose you give to your life, such as having a positive impact on the environment. It could be a vocation, like cooking. Or it could be a personal goal, like purchasing a home, starting a business or completing a marathon.

Whatever your destination, you will likely find yourself taken in unexpected directions as you pursue your vision, especially if it involves a more general goal that can be achieved in various ways, such as financial freedom. For instance, kim’s first business was a digital-marketing company that sold a motley assortment of products – ranging from teeth whiteners to remote-control toys.

Was this the precise future she envisioned for herself when she was younger? Of course not – but it was part of the path that led her to achieve financial freedom. You’ll never know exactly where your vision will take you until you get there!

To have an effective vision, you need to make sure it’s clear, compelling, meaningful and pertinent to you.

If you don’t already have one, how do you develop a vision for yourself? Well, most of us have ideas about things we might want to do or achieve some day. These ideas provide us with the raw material for a grand vision – but to turn those little sparks of imagination into a guiding North Star, we need to refine them. For starters, all visions have four qualities.

The first quality is clarity. You should be able to clearly articulate your vision in a single sentence, and, in your mind’s eye, you should be able to clearly see it coming to fruition. If you can’t do either of these things, then go back to the drawing board and refine your vision.

Now, achieving clarity might seem easy, especially if your vision involves a specific goal or vocation, such as having financial freedom or running a food truck. After all, can’t anyone picture herself flush with cash or cooking curbside?

Here’s the thing, though: to really achieve clarity, your imagination must be specific. For instance, for running a food truck, picture not just a vague, general image of wearing a chef’s hat and frying food, but a gritty, detailed image of working during mealtime hours, ordering workers around, dealing with disgruntled customers and so forth. In other words, you must ask yourself and honestly answer the question, “Could I really see myself doing this?”

That brings us to the other three characteristics of a viable vision, each of which is related and has to do with whether a vision is an authentic expression of yourself. To be such an expression, a vision should be compelling, meaningful and pertinent to you – in other words, it should fit your values, preferences, desires and personality.

Visions that fall short of these criteria are often expressions of other people’s visions for you. Consider Darren – a maintenance manager of a hospital who was renowned among his friends and colleagues for the chili he made. They kept telling him that he should start a food truck to profit off his chili. He wasn’t really interested, but their suggestion stuck in his head.

He ended up quitting his job and starting a food truck – only to find it made him miserable. He liked cooking for friends and colleagues; he didn’t like cooking for strangers.

To confirm and pursue your vision, you should test it out, visualize it, remind yourself of it and prioritize it.

How do you avoid pursuing a vision that’s at odds with who you really are? How do you make sure your vision is really your vision, and not someone else’s vision for you?

One way is to test out your vision on a smaller scale, before you fully commit. For example, if you enjoy cooking for your friends and were thinking about starting a food truck, you could try participating in a cook-off contest. That way, you’d gain a relatively risk-free experience of cooking for strangers, which may feel very different than cooking for friends.

You might love it, or you might hate it. If the latter turns out to be true, that might be disappointing – but better to find out by entering a one-time, no-stakes contest than by quitting your job and investing in a food truck!

Now, once you’ve determined that your vision truly is in line with who you are, the next step is to stay focused on it. The more vivid your image of the future is, the easier it will be to focus on it, so one thing to do is to visualize it in concrete, evocative detail.

Here’s a trick for doing this: picture yourself having already achieved your vision. What do you see? Ask yourself specific questions to generate specific answers. For instance, if your vision is starting a business, what does your workplace look like? What kinds of people comprise your team of workers? What do you see yourself doing on a day-to-day basis?

To remind yourself about your vision, write it down in a place where you’ll see it every day, such as your bathroom mirror. Then, keep it in mind as you plan your day. Make sure you’re pursuing and prioritizing tasks that provide stepping stones to achieve your vision. After all, you can cross off every item on your to-do list, but it won’t bring you one step closer to your overarching goal if they’re not related to it!

Prioritizing tasks that are related to achieving your vision may entail de-prioritizing or even outright avoiding other activities that you enjoy, especially those that are totally optional, such as watching television. After all, time is a finite resource, so to ensure you devote enough of it to working toward your vision, you have to be selective about the ways you spend it.

Passion provides you with the emotional energy you need to make the sacrifices that success requires.

By defining your vision, you’ve answered the question, “What do you want to execute?” Now the question becomes, “How do you execute it?” This brings us to the second trait of effective execution, which is passion.

When you hear that word, the first thing that probably comes to mind is a strong, enthusiastic emotion, as in the sentence, “John has a passion for marketing.” However, that’s only one sense of the term; there’s another sense that’s also relevant here. It goes back to the etymology of “passion,” which derives from the Latin word pati, meaning “to suffer or endure.”

In this sense of the term, passion is not just about doing things fervently because you love doing them; it’s about loving them so much that you’re willing to undergo hardship and make sacrifices for them.

Such willingness is the true test of passion. For instance, when Kim was a girl, she wanted to ride horses so badly that she agreed to clean out a horse owner’s stables in exchange for lessons. In other words, her passion for horseback riding was so strong that she was willing to scoop up horse excrement to pursue it!

Why is passion in this sense so important? Well, unless you narrowly define success as just making money and you luck out by winning the lottery, there are no easy shortcuts to achieving it. There will inevitably be hard work, stressful events and inconveniences, such as taking conference calls when you’re sick, missing social engagements for business trips or putting personal finances on the line.

If you want to succeed, you can’t avoid making sacrifices like these; all you can do is be willing to endure them – and that willingness comes from passion. Your passion provides you with the emotional energy you’ll need in order to power through the long workdays and sleepless nights that lie ahead of you on your journey toward success.

It’s also an important factor in finding other people to help you on your journey. By demonstrating a willingness to make sacrifices for your cause, you can position yourself as an inspiring leader to your colleagues or employees. Asking whether potential or current colleagues or employees share your passion can also help you to choose the people you associate with.

You need to identify, feed and prioritize your passion to fully benefit from it.

To tap into the power of passion, you first have to know what you’re passionate about. If you don’t already have a clear conception of this, ask yourself the following: What do you love so much that you’d be willing to make significant sacrifices for it?

Maybe it’s a subject, such as fashion or animals. Maybe it’s a skill or activity, such as writing or painting. Or perhaps it’s a role, such as being a teacher or a caretaker.

Whatever it is, here’s your next question: What are you doing on a regular basis that’s feeding your passion? If the answer is nothing, the next step is to change that!

You can start small. The idea is just to get your feet wet and do something – anything – to become more connected to your passion. For instance, if it were fashion, you wouldn’t have to go out and become a designer right away; you could just start a fashion blog!

However, you won’t be able to write even a single blog post or take any other small steps toward feeding your passion if you don’t make time for it. As with your vision, you have to prioritize your passion and carve out a space for it in your schedule.

And that means making trade-offs. To accomplish tasks that are related to your passion, you’ll have to sacrifice tasks that aren’t related to it. That may require declining invitations to social engagements, such as parties and dinners, which may be scheduled at times that conflict with your pursuit of your passion.

To mitigate the disappointment of your friends, colleagues or family members, you should communicate to them the rationale behind your absences. You can also compensate them for those absences by offering alternatives, such as one-on-one meetings or small group get-togethers, which you can schedule around your pursuit of your passion.

While you pursue it, you can further encourage your passion by celebrating your successes, both big and small. For instance, when one of kim’s companies achieved its first month of earning $1 million in revenue, she celebrated by taking her entire team to Las Vegas!

That’s an example of celebrating a huge accomplishment in a big way – but small victories, such as closing a business deal, deserve small celebrations, too. Try literally feeding your passion by treating yourself or your team to a dinner!

When beginning to pursue your vision, the key is to act by taking a small first step.

Once you’ve found your vision and your passion, you’re like a driver with a destination in your mind and a full tank of gas in your car. You’re ready to head out – but you won’t actually go anywhere until you put your foot down on the accelerator pedal.

That’s the third trait of effective execution: action. Suffice it to say that no one ever accomplished anything without taking action, which, in this context, means doing something that takes you closer to following your passion and achieving your vision.

Assuming you’ve been able to articulate your vision and are ready to take action, the first question you’re going to face is, “Where do I begin?” After all, there are many possible paths of action you can take. Which one do you choose?

Well, don’t overthink it. Otherwise, you could find yourself stuck in analysis paralysis, which is the condition that occurs when you get so caught up in mulling over your options and all of their possible ramifications that you become overwhelmed, leading to inaction.

Just do something. Move forward. You don’t need to commit to any particular path at this point; just pick one of them and take a first step. You can still reassess, change direction or even back out before you proceed further, so there’s no need to overanalyze.

But that’s not to say you should act thoughtlessly. Remember, it’s just a step you’re taking here – not a leap. Don’t quit your job and put your livelihood on the line. Instead, keep your current job while turning your vision and passion into a side hustle.

Consider Stacey. She worked in corporate finance, but her true passion was health and wellness. From this passion, she developed a vision: starting a juice company.

But she didn’t quit her job, tap into her savings and jump straight into the high-risk enterprise of establishing a new business. Instead, she took a safer, smaller first step: selling juice at a farmer’s market on the weekends.

This way, she could get a better sense of whether she enjoyed the work of selling juice and whether there was a market for her product.

Progress toward achieving your vision requires forward movement coupled with a daily review process.

What comes after you take your first step of action toward following your passion and achieving your vision? Well, this might sound glib, but the answer is pretty simple: after your first step comes your second step – and then your third step, your fourth step and so forth!

Obvious as this may be, it does bring up a less obvious consideration that’s important to bear in mind: your first step may be a great success – but to keep moving toward your vision, you have to, well, keep moving. If you just keep taking the same step over and over again, you’re not going to get anywhere.

The same logic applies to the second step and every step after that. At every step along the way, you need to keep moving forward to make progress.

Apple provides a vivid example of the importance of continuing to move forward. Apple is one of the top brands in the world, but its success didn’t hinge on being the first company to develop technologies such as MP3 players and smartphones. Other companies beat them to those innovations.

Rather, Apple took these preexisting technologies and relentlessly innovated them. The company never rested on its laurels; it didn’t let itself get too comfortable in any particular step along the way of its journey. After developing the first iPhone and iPod, it went straight on to developing their follow-ups – and then the follow-ups to the follow-ups, and so forth.

However, while moving forward is crucial to success, it’s also a double-edged sword. If you’re heading in the right direction, it will get you closer to achieving your vision – but, by the same token, if you’re heading in the wrong direction, it will take you further away.

To avoid the latter prospect, it’s important to create and implement a daily review process. First, write down a list of all of the actions you took today that were related to your vision. Did they really align with your vision? Did they really take you closer to achieving it? Are they feeding your passion? What direction are they taking you – and is that in a direction you still want to go?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, then it’s time to reassess what you’re doing and change your course of action!

Resilience is the trait that can help you withstand and even benefit from challenges and setbacks.

The fourth trait of effective execution involves another word with two meanings: resilience.

Here’s the first meaning: if someone or something is resilient, that means that he, she or it can withstand the turbulent winds of fate. For instance, if a building can weather the literal winds of a hurricane, it would be labeled as resilient.

But in another sense of the term, a resilient person not only withstands the winds of fate, but also harnesses them to the best of her ability – as a sailor does with her sails. She knows that while she can’t control the direction of the wind, she can control the direction in which she points her sails.

The uncooperative “wind” in this metaphor stands for the challenges, crises and setbacks that the world may throw your way when you’re pursuing your vision. If you’re resilient in both senses of the word, you’ll not only take these difficulties in stride; you’ll also respond to them in ways that lead to growth.

And one of the main ways that you can do that is by staying positive, as well as hopeful and hungry for new opportunities. That was one of the keys to billionaire Elon Musk’s bumpy road to success.

Today, you may know him as the successful CEO of Tesla and SpaceX, and a cofounder of PayPal. But before he succeeded, he faced many setbacks. His first business idea for PayPal floundered, and some of his SpaceX rockets literally went up in smoke. But he didn’t give up; he kept trying to succeed – and eventually, PayPal and his SpaceX rockets took off, literally and figuratively.

That’s an example of resiliency in the sense of withstanding setbacks. But Elon Musk also provides an example of resiliency in the other sense of the term: not just withstanding setbacks, but also growing from them.

For instance, in 2017, when reports came out about the high rate of injury at his Tesla factory in Fremont, Musk made some unusual public pledges to his employees. One of them was that he would have one-on-one meetings with injured workers to learn about problems on the factory’s production line. Not only that, he would then perform their tasks himself to experience those problems firsthand. Thus, he turned the problems into a learning opportunity.

You can develop your resiliency by taking care of yourself emotionally and looking for opportunities to exercise it.

So how do you become more resilient? Well, you can think of your resiliency as a mental muscle – something that, just like a physical muscle, can be developed with exercise.

But first, it helps to stretch and relax the muscle. That means taking care of yourself emotionally, so you can alleviate your stress, anxiety and fear. This will allow you to be calmer in the face of adversity, which will help you make better decisions.

Simple ways to do this include physical exercise, meditation, journaling, creating an action plan and talking things out with a friend or mentor. In the aftermath of situations that destabilize your mind with negative emotions, these activities can help you to restabilize.

In a similar vein, you can also reconnect to aspects of your life that have a stabilizing effect on you. For example, even in the midst of professional turmoil, you can find a sense of calm when playing with your children.

So those are some ways you can stretch and relax your resiliency muscle. Now let’s look at the exercise part.

One beneficial technique is to turn everyday setbacks into opportunities for exercise. For instance, Sara once bought tickets to a Guns N’ Roses stadium concert for herself and a group of 20 colleagues. She thought it would be a great bonding experience. There was just one problem: it turned out that all of the seats were in different parts of the stadium!

But rather than gnash her teeth at the setback, she decided to turn it into an opportunity for teamwork. She proposed that each member of the group try to trade their seats with a stranger, and then trade that new seat for another seat with a second stranger, and so forth and so on, until they were all sitting together.

Not only did this gambit work, saving their concert experience; it also made that experience even richer than it would have otherwise been. Instead of just rocking out to songs like “Paradise City,” they also got to share a memorable team-building exercise and bonding experience.

So next time a little adversity knocks down your building blocks, see if you can make a game out of rebuilding them into your own “Paradise City”!

Expanding, deepening and maintaining relationships are the key to augmenting your abilities to execute.

The fifth and final trait that leads to effective execution is the most decisive one of all. You can have the clearest, most compelling vision in the world, and you can pursue it with relentless passion, action and resilience – but you’re not going to get very far if you try to do everything alone. You need the help of other people, and that’s what the final trait is all about: relationships.

As the old saying goes, no man (or woman) is an island. All of us have limited time, energy, skills and knowledge. But by pooling these precious resources together, we can expand the range of what we can accomplish.

If someone else lends you some of her time and energy, you’ll have more overall time and energy to expend on pursuing your vision. If someone lends you her skills and knowledge, you can fill in some of the gaps in your own skills and knowledge. And, of course, this goes both ways, leading to the potential for win-win relationships.

The more of these relationships you establish and maintain, and the deeper those relationships become, the more you’ll be able benefit from the power of having other people in your life. It’s therefore crucial to cultivate a network of people with whom you can enjoy win-win relationships.

To expand your network, look for people outside your immediate social vicinity. For example, if you work in a corporate environment, look for people not just outside your team, but also outside your company or even your industry.

To deepen your relationships, take the time to show a sincere interest in getting to know these people better. Don’t just ask routine questions with yes-or-no answers, like “Did you have a good weekend?” Instead, ask deeper, open-ended questions, like “Where do you envision yourself in five years?” or “What’s your passion?”

To maintain your relationships, make a habit of showing people appreciation through nice, thoughtful gestures. Emails saying “thank you” and “congratulations” are one good way of doing this – but handwritten notes are even better, since they feel more personal. And when you have spare moments, such as when you’re driving to work or riding in a taxi, you can use the time to reconnect with people by phone.

Avoid negative relationships, while making reasonable exceptions to this rule.

The ideal relationship is one that’s win-win, where both parties mutually benefit from each other. Sadly, however, many relationships are win-lose or even lose-lose. What’s more, some relationships that were once win-win descend into negative territory.

In light of these facts, experts recommend conducting a periodic life audit of your relationships. Once a year, sit down and review all of your relationships one-by-one, splitting them into two categories.

The first category consists of positive people from whom you received inspiration, support, energy and challenges. The other category consists of negative people from whom you received the opposite effects.

It may sound cold, but then you have to make a conscious decision to distance yourself from the people you placed in the second category. Moving forward, you should spends less time with them or even cuts yourself off from them if need be.

Of course, some issues can be worked through, so you shouldn’t be quick to write people off. You should only place people in the second category if the issues seem intractable, at least for the foreseeable future. In the longer-term future, the person may change, in which case he can be welcomed back into the first category.

You should also recognize that people can become temporarily negative because of difficult experiences, such as illness, the death of a loved one or a job loss. Refrain from placing these people into the negative category, since you know they need the help of your own positivity to pull through to the other side and return to a more positive state of being.

Finally, recognize that in a workplace setting, you can’t just stop talking to a “coworker who has a negative effect on you.” Since you’re stuck working with them, you have to figure out a way of interacting with them to the best of your ability and minimizing the negativity as much as possible.

The point isn’t to eliminate all negativity from your life. That’s impossible. It’s simply to maximize the positivity and minimize the negativity, so that you can put yourself in a position to actively, resiliently and collaboratively pursue your passion and execute your vision so that it becomes a reality.

The execution factor is your ability to carry out plans of action that enable you to achieve your goals. It rests upon five traits: vision, passion, action, resilience and relationships. Each of these traits can be cultivated. Execution is therefore a skill that you can develop, enabling you to put yourself in a position to succeed.

#secret of success

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