#I need to upload this to Ao3 sometime tomorrow....

[paperbackribs]

for the 'Eddie freaks out over How to Survive a Werewolf Attack' post and those who missed the upload on Ao3, this is the second part of the chapter from Steve's POV, with a little protective stobin to delight

🦇🐺🦇🐺🦇

Steve leaves the pulse of the woods behind him as he emerges from the trees that abut his backyard. He’d smelled Robin long before shifting back into his human form, the sharp mint of her shampoo mixing alongside the sweet earthiness that he now attributes to family. Never having had one, he nevertheless knows that the combination will always mean sister.

Circling the pool, its night lights cast an uncanny, rippling blue across the surface, he heads to where she sits under the warm yellow lights, propped on her elbows against the wrought-iron patio table. In her cupped hands rests a book with an overflowing tree protectively sheltering a dog and her pups, Woman and Nature carefully inscribed above them.

She stirs as he approaches, inserting a receipt between the pages to save her place and resting it beside her. Looking into her concerned eyes, Steve grimaces. “Well, that went well,” he says lightly, feeling the need to inject some humour into the memory or he may be tempted to dwell on the ache that wants to rise instead.

Robin’s face softens and he knows that she can feel his hurt even without him saying it. They’re so connected sometimes that he wonders if his wolf forged something with her when they’d sat there, bound and interrogated by Russians, only able to depend on each other. “He was a little freaked out from the unexpected is all and he just needs to get used to the idea before…”

She trails off and Steve finishes her sentence, “Before he can be in the same room as me? Robs, the guy practically had a panic attack on my mother’s Giorgetti rug. I could smell his fear: he was terrified that I was going to eat him or something.”

Robin’s lips firm as she drums her fingers over the book cover, “Yeah, well, that’s his problem. After you left, we gave him the rundown; that you’re just a normal wolf—”

Steve snorts: there’s nothing normal about his transformations at all, but Robin ignores him to continue, “—and hopefully if he’s affected by the bites then it’ll turn him into a normal bat too.”

“And how’d he take that?” Steve asks curiously.

“Oh, another meltdown,” Robin says blithely, “He’s now convinced that he’s going to turn into Bela Lugosi and will be prowling the night for his victims before we know it.” Steve laughs despite himself, already able to imagine Eddie making exaggerated gestures in the middle of the group.

“Did he hiss like a vampire?”

“Nah, but he did do that thing, you know with the cape?” She shields half her face with her forearm as if hiding menacingly behind it. Fond amusement fills Steve, as if often does when faced with Eddie’s dramatics only for it to quickly drain away at the reminder of how drastically he had taken Steve’s shift.

Robin notes his change of mood and scowls at an absent Eddie. “Scaredy-cat,” she mutters darkly, “Should have called him a scaredy-bat to his face.”

Steve chuckles and leans forward to gently tug on a lock of her blonde hair, “And then give him my nail bat…”

“So, he’d be a scaredy-bat with a nail bat that lost his bat-le shield.”

Steve waggles his hand in a so-so motion, “Could use some work.”

“Oh, screw you, buddy, I did all the work,” Robin’s eyes dance with humour even as she pokes him with a sharp finger at his ribs. Steve squirms away, “I gave you the nail bat!” He mock protests before the image of Eddie’s wide and terrified eyes crosses his mind again. He sighs, “Do you think I should avoid him for a while? Let him get used to the idea before springing myself on him again?”

Robin leans back with a too wide smile, its awkwardness immediately transparent. “What?” Steve asks suspiciously.

Her brow furrows in an apology that gives lie to the smile, “We’re meeting back here tomorrow. El thinks that she might be able to lead him through a change if he’s got it in him, and we all thought it better to get the potential of it all out of the way before Eddie devolves into one big puddle of fear.”

Rubbing the bridge of his forehead, Steve sighs, “So, not only is he freaked out by the sight of me but I’m going to see him in the next twenty-four hours.”

Robin looks at her bulky men’s watch with a grimace, “More like twelve. We figured that we should get it over sooner or later, and this way he can work out whether he wants to freak out over being a bat or a vampire.”

“Or neither,” Steve points out.

She shrugs, “It seems unlikely, right? Correlation doesn’t equal causation, and you may be the outlier, the one cool weirdo out there.”

“Thank you,” he says dryly even though he does appreciate her positive spin on his furry little situation.

It had been months after the events over Halloween, when he’d been bitten by a demo-dog, that he’d started to notice the first few small changes. At first, he’d been convinced that it was the world that had transformed: smells becoming deeper, sights becoming sharper, but after one night where he had been panicked to find that his feet were no longer so far away, and suspiciously clawed, that he’d come to the realisation that it was his senses that had evolved, not the sun or the trees or the perfume of his history teacher.

The kids, while excited, had been very little help, but their encouragement had made him feel less alone. He took Dustin’s attempt to turn him into a science experiment in stride and as an extension of the little butthead’s support. But it was when Robin had been brought into the Upside Down fold that he’d felt truly embraced.

Surprisingly, rather than turning to books and research, she’d listened to him instead. Asked Steve what he wanted to be called when he was turned and let him talk about the oddities and freedoms he’d found in this new version of himself.

Steve had already known that the wolf would be a part of him forever, but Robin’s role in his life had cemented that feeling into a bone-deep acceptance, an understanding that he wasn’t weird or wrong for his new transformation, but that it was simply another part of Steve. Or Furry Steve as Robin would gently tease him.

“Are you staying over?” He asks now, watching her smother a yawn and nod in agreement.

He stands, waiting until she walks through the door before flipping the light switch off, the flurry of moths above flutter in confusion at the sudden darkness. “We can practise some more on the way home tomorrow if you like.”

Robin had gained her license a month ago, but with no car to drive Steve was building her confidence by having her drive his. She often teased that their love was a true one since she’s the only one allowed to touch the bimmer.

Wrapping an arm around his waist, they walk through the kitchen and head to his bedroom in unspoken agreement. “That’d be great. Do you want to wolf-out or be on your side of the bed,” she counters sleepily, leaving her book on the counter as they pass.

He hums, thinking. Months ago, after they’d worked out that the Upside Down nightmares were better handled when they knew the other one was in the room, Robin had struggled with having Steve in her bed.

It’s not that he wasn’t welcome, she’d reassured him, or wanted, she’d said with a haunted expression, clearly thinking of having woken up silently screaming not moments before. But having his skin touch hers made her irritable in a way that she had no explanation for. Fur, however, was fine.

Since then, if Steve needed cuddles he was allowed to wolf-out, as they decided to call it. Once transformed, Robin had no problem with Steve’s fur covering her skin; rather, she quite liked the partial weight of his body.

He thinks that tonight he’d like the reassurance that there is one person who is not only unafraid of him but likes the differences that make him not-quite-human.

“Wolf-out,” he responds, letting go and allowing the wolf to unfold. The sweet musk of the kids sharpens, even with them having departed hours ago, as does the appealingly darker scent of Eddie, although it is bitterer than it normally is as if his fear had saturated the small space.

His tail drops sadly at the reminder, but Robin distracts him with scritches behind the ear before leading their way up the stairs to his bedroom. Steve pads behind, happy to have a friend in Robin and determinedly putting Eddie out of his mind for the rest of the night.

If you enjoyed any of this drop me a comment over at Ao3, it'd make my day! (fic now titled Swift Wings and a Brave Heart)

[laylajeffany]

Intentions are Everything  |  Chaos Universe OneShot for @fridayd13th

Summary: Wednesday and Enid (age 22) reconnect on a rainy night after routine and the season of life they are in keep them apart. WC: 4k exactly (welcome to layla's <5k challenge) Rated: T (I’m at work it would absolutely end best in sex but a Clifford the Big Red Dog stuffie is looking at me in my supply closet and I feel judged.)

Note: As I’m experimenting with some new writing rules for myself to set myself to different standards and expectations for future projects (not even fanfiction); I’m weaponizing my competence and refusing to use my available contract hours assisting others who do not have withitness and follow-through. When I’m at work and not with the children on a break per required of my union contract, I’m locking myself in my supply closet to write! I'm too efficient! Everything is done through April! However, it’s simply not the correct setting to be working on my multi-chapter work; I need at least two hours at a time for that. These one-shots have to be prompted by someone else (I can’t have stewing on the content), under 5K, and I’m not allowed to work on them at home. I'll probably upload these to AO3 once I have a few of them complete.

The prompt "Wenclair/Domestic/Chaos Universe/Rainy Day" was from @fridayd13th - thank you so much for everything you’ve done to support my writing over the last year, and all the other fanfic authors you have impacted by your sharing, comments, and kindness. Thank you! & a Black Menagerie update is in the editing phase and will be up tomorrow sometime!

X

It wasn’t supposed to rain.

And not just because she already had outdoor plans, but there hadn’t been a drop forecasted (Wednesday had been checking obsessively). If there was a way to light the sky on fire, she surely would have…only to have that flame extinguished, immediately – like her carefully structured night out.

That was dramatic. (Wasn’t she always? And to think, Enid was the one at the theater that evening.) With a silent pivot, Wednesday adjusted course without hesitating, not wanting to waste a moment, even if it included one of the heaviest sighs she’d ever released. She couldn’t be taken down by reanimated corpses of bigots, genocidal maniacs, werewolf councils, Hydes, or the weather.

Life had gotten between herself and her fiancée over the last few months, and as she managed to be surprised by a late April rain, it showed. Between her endless lectures, bookwork, and mock trials, Network meetings and Enid’s grueling six-day-a-week performance schedule that only had her off on Mondays (Wednesday’s latest day at law school, naturally), their time together that didn’t involve one of them working on something was rare and precious. After a heated argument the week before, ended by the redhead who lived in the basement unit of their townhouse, Wednesday had stormed off to New Jersey. A train ride and taxi to her family’s home had her barreling into her mother’s study wet (it had been raining then too), upset, and in the foulest of moods.

It had taken Morticia quite some time to put together the fractured pieces of information her daughter was revealing and advise the same thing that the other wise woman in her life already had; Enid and Wednesday just needed to spend meaningful time together. When all of their hours in one another’s space were domestic routines and transitional time trying to catch each other up on the latest without being part of it, they were bound to spat.

Enid had been more than a little bit upset that Wednesday’s solution to their problem was running away and had hotly asked for the night apart when Morticia said that she thought it would be more practical for Lurch to drop her off than deal with the train again. At the notion of spending the night alone in her parents’ house settled in, Wednesday had a meltdown the likes of which they hadn’t seen from her in years. Morticia had slept with her when she finally convinced her to at least lay down, likely in fear that she was going to slip into a meditation and wind up in the wrong side of the ether because of her twisted energy.

The next morning, she’d had a long and overdue chat about romance with both her parents. They spoke from the heart – it was mushy and disgusting. Their own experiences made her want to bury her head in the sand. Yet - Wednesday had desperately needed to hear it. She and Enid were a far cry from the two of them. Though she might’ve possessed some Gomez-like traits every now and again, Wednesday was her own, unique breed and would love her own way, too. But, to her chagrin, hearing their perspective did help – and it put her plan into motion.

Enid wasn’t home when Wednesday arrived – she had a matinee that afternoon and then an evening show as well. With all her focus, Wednesday tidied up their apartment not only in proper order, but also made sure she’d put Enid’s favorite sheets on the bed, started the incense she liked the best, and ordered all her prized snacks for the week when she had groceries delivered. After a long talk with the couple downstairs, about recovering from a blow-out (they were more than familiar with that topic), Wednesday also committed herself to certain actions for the week ahead.

Unfortunately – the experimental medication she was on, after the sleepless night before, forced her to fall asleep when she laid in bed, trying to write a formal apology to her fiancée – afraid of forgetting something if she just tried to speak it all. It would still be from the heart, but scripted so she made sure to make every point.

That was how Enid woke her up with sweet, gentle kisses when she’d gotten home from her show, close to eleven. She had a fresh release of tears, and Wednesday’s notebook in her hand, stroking her cheeks and promising – she was forgiven, and that she was also sorry, for how she’d responded and reacted to everything.

In her grogginess, Wednesday made a promise – that she was going to give Enid a real date; she was going to honor her with something special, not routine, not a drive-by conversation. She wanted to give her a night that Enid could treasure.

And so, with two hours until her show released that Friday, Wednesday cooked, baked, transformed the attic space and prepared the environment with all the heart and ambiance-creating ability she had.

Locating her umbrella and stepping into black Wellies, she took the pink ones by the door into her hands and a jacket when she realized the temperature dipped as well. With a black and white striped snake over her shoulders tucked into her collar to stay dry, she made the familiar trek out of their Upper West Side apartment to Midtown – a journey she used to take when she was committed to making it to Enid’s show at least once a week.

How quickly things changed when novelty wore off. She hadn’t been to the theater in at last four months, she realized – vowing to change that, too.

One metro ride and a few blocks walked in the rain later, she stood outside the theater door, grateful the rain would keep most of the obsessive, obnoxious out-of-towners from lining up for autographs. Her snake poked his head out curiously when the door opened a few times, hoping for Enid, but it was always orchestra first, Wednesday reminded Augustus softly.

Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait long. Only three other cast members groaned at the rain before heading out themselves before Enid let out a full whine upon opening the door, then a completely delighted gasp. “Wednesday! Ohemgee, you did not have to come all the way here!”

“I didn’t want you caught in this beautiful weather without proper gear,” She said, passing Enid’s rainboots to her. She let out an excited squeak of appreciation, dipping back in and swapping her shoes, then accepting the rain jacket before positioning herself under Wednesday’s umbrella, wrapping an arm around her waist. Holding the handle and depositing a kiss to her lips, ignoring how she still had on her stage makeup and dreadful, bright red lipstick that probably transferred, Wednesday clarified, “There is an obvious change in plans from our rooftop dining experience in Brooklyn. But our evening is not ruined, simply altered.”

“Awe, well – that’s so sweet. I didn’t even know it had started to rain! I’m glad I don’t have to be super bummed out, either. Thanks for taking care of everything! Hey – how was the exam?”

“Grueling. Torture. It took me every available moment to finish. Naturally, I scored a hundred four,” Wednesday said with a little smirk as the sky emptied itself onto the city, hard raindrops rattling the waterproof covering above them as they moved to the subway station. “And the show?”

“The usual,” Enid shrugged. “Friday night crowds are notoriously off – though this one wasn’t so bad. I don’t know. It’s been almost seven months now – there’s rumblings about auditions the Crazy for You revival moving to the US, I’d for sure be auditioning for that – this role has me feeling a little...locked in. I’m not, like, over it – but I’d be up for something different.”

“Insert here a cheesy line about being crazy for you in any show you’re billed in. I also recognized on my way here – I haven’t come out to watch in so long. I’m genuinely sorry for the pacing of our time together and the inadequacies I’ve brought, Enid.”

“Oh, you do not need to apologize for that, Wednesday! This is my job, as much as it’s art. It’s not like I’m going to catch you in the courtroom on any kind of regular basis – that’d probably be sups inappropriate. Well – we know in the future that I’ll see you in the Supreme Court – but that’s like, you coming to opening night of me as a leading lady. It’s different. I don’t expect my partner at a weekly curtain call.”

“Still,” She said as they waited on the platform after taking the slippery stairs down, keeping her umbrella folded low to drip onto the already sopping tile, “I do like watching you perform. Even if this isn’t my favorite show – I’d like to see you soon. I’ll leave father and Em behind, though.”

Enid giggled. “I don’t mind their…enthusiastic reception to my stage presence,” Enid found careful words as the train arrived – packed, of course, for a Friday night on the 1 in Midtown. Finding a place to stand where they wouldn’t be absorbing too much liquid from others who’d been caught in the rainstorm unprepared, they took the short ride back uptown, making it home just as another couple was about to enter their shared foyer.

Emiliana and Josie were soaked to the bone, obviously caught in the storm, and in Emiliana’s case – thrilled about it. Josie looked a little less than enthusiastic and both Wednesday and Enid backed away when her wife tried to embrace them. “It’s their date night, too – leave them alone,” Josie warned, tugging her back by the shoulders with a sigh.

“Well, I do not think they are going to be dining on roofs, bien-aimée!” Emiliana argued, about to go in again when Josie popped the lock on the lower-level unit with a groan, wishing the girls a good night – whatever they ended up doing, before ushering Emiliana downstairs while she spoke rapidly in French about which movie she wanted to watch and why would she need a shower, she was already wet?

Unable to hide her smirk, Wednesday took off her boots, setting them on a rug while Enid popped the umbrella open to dry off (chancing her luck) and shrugged out of her coat, hanging both damp garments on a hook before locking the main door, then opening their own when they entered the kitchen.

Enid’s enhanced smell must’ve picked up right away what Wednesday had baked for her. She looked at her with a little gasp, a near twinkle in her eye. “You didn’t? You did! Oh, Wednesday!”

“Snickerdoodles are upstairs already,” She said quietly – hating the way that ridiculous word rolled off her tongue; but if they were Enid’s favorite, easy-to-prepare desert – of course. “As is everything else that I could prepare in advance, there are a few things I need to finish now. Everything you need for your favorite bath is out and ready for you.”

“Awe, not possible,” Enid said with a little pout. Wednesday crossed her arms, suspicious about that – Enid’s preferences had hardly changed since she was seventeen and they first started their innocent soaks together. “You won’t be in it!”

Almost snorting, she rolled her eyes and kissed Enid’s cheek. “I cannot be two places at once. Yet. I’m still working on that spell. Go on – I’ll meet you upstairs in thirty minutes.”

“Alright. Thank you, Wednesday.” She returned the sweet little kiss before shaking her head and planting a long one on her lips, despite the lipstick. Wednesday refused to cringe, merely returned it before Enid pulled away with a laugh, wiping the red off her with her thumb. “I frickin’ love you.” With that she winked and headed up the stairs of the narrow unit.

Putting the rest of her plan into motion, Wednesday poured her attention into finishing the meal that she’d started, heading up to the attic to light the candles with a wave of her hand to complete the ambiance she’d started to set up.

Bringing up the last of the food on a butler’s tray she’d stolen from home ages before, Wednesday glanced at the time, hearing the sound of a drain circling. Taking her place up near the small, circular window that was pattered in rain. She lifted the bow of her cello, starting to play a melody of their favorite songs.

Enid took a familiar place on the bench in front of the window, watching Wednesday with a look of love she could see out of the corner of her eye. Her snake traveled from Wednesday’s neck to Enid’s pink, loungewear covered shoulders, licking her cheek, making her smile.

Finally finishing, she stood up, taking Enid’s hands, kissing her fingers before tucking her at the low table of the attic in front of the futon. Plating her a favorite rare beef dish, Wednesday started the small record player on an entertainment unit before taking a seat beside her.

They ate with comfortable conversation flowing – Enid brought up the show she was interested in again, Wednesday asked her to describe the plot – and stared at her with hearts in her eyes as she animatedly detailed the storyline and the roles she’d want to play within it. As she stacked the dirty dishes, moving the tray to the stairs, Wednesday put the cookies on the table, then flushed a little as she began to remove materials out of a basket. Giving a shrug, she hoped that she was matching the energy the moment called for as she explained, “We were going to go to that gallery…but – I…maybe you want to make something to add to ours up here?”

She gestured to the various crafts that Enid had hung up above the futon – a few embroidery pieces she’d experimented with, paintings, collages…

Enid nodded brightly. “I’d love to make something with you.”

The next forty minutes were spent painting on a canvas, the two working together to come up with an inspired design – an interpretation of their snake in the springtime – Augustus looking at it and offering his feedback, requesting more pale pink cherry blossom petals all around him.

As they finished, Wednesday took the dirty brushes and palette along with the dishes, hurrying them down to the sink before returning with a bottle of wine and two glasses. Enid had moved to the cushions, her expression of dopy desire a bit contagious as Wednesday poured her a glass and took a seat. She indicated her own intentions by sitting as close to fiancée as possible, a stacking her legs on top of Enid’s thighs as she twisted into the corner of the couch – just a touch obnoxiously. Enid giggled before taking a sip, drawing an arm just above her knees. She pressed a kiss to Wednesday’s lips, letting out a sigh. “You probably feel like the need to reconcile was largely on you, given how you ran…but it wasn’t, Wednesday. I’ve been just as distracted, and every bit as much to blame for us not spending the time we need together, too.”

Augustus appeared from her collar again and Wednesday smiled at the snake with the gentle sort of parent-like love she’d had for him since the start. “Hey, buddy…do you think you could take yourself to your enclosure for a little while? There’ll be a pinky for you in the morning.”

He let out a small hiss and twisted down her arm, leaving the two in full privacy. Wednesday had another long drink of wine and made a hopeful suggestion. “I have two more exams next week, but then the summer term doesn’t begin until mid-May. Is there any time over the next few weeks that you’d be able to get away from the show for a few days?”

Enid laughed. “I haven’t used an understudy yet! Our swings would be thrilled – I’m sure I could take some time, for us.”

The way she said it made Wednesday chug the rest of the wine in her glass before taking Enid’s from her, sweetly, and placing both on the table. She adjusted her position, sitting fully on her lap. Enid’s arms fell around her waist, pulling her close for a kiss. Wednesday sighed into it, lazily dropping her arms around her shoulders, drawing herself closer, chests touching – even if they were just in comfortable sweatshirts – she loved the feeling. Enid let out a little sound of contentment as her tongue dipped into her mouth, pushing them even closer.

Enid pulled away with a sudden gasp – their teeth almost colliding as a bolt of lightning and crackle of thunder turned the nighttime rain shower into a thunderstorm. She giggled and groaned, sighing into Wednesday’s shoulder as Wednesday felt her heartrate skyrocket and decrease. Tangling her fingers into Enid’s hair, Wednesday just held her close, there, resting her head just on top of hers. “I love you,” She muttered quietly. “I’m really glad we spent tonight together, not just in routine, even if it wasn’t what we planned.”

“Me too,” Enid squeezed her middle, looking up with a sweet gaze. “I love you. I can’t believe how we let time get away from us. Hey – let me send a quick text to let my manager know I’m going to be out of the show – then I’m getting my laptop and my planner – we are so booking a trip for after your exams!”

Letting her go – even if she might’ve rather extended that time together physically, Wednesday figured she could get her fiancée all worked up and excited about time off together and then spend the time together in bed. Enid returned just moments later, her fingers flying across her keyboard as she gave herself a week off without asking – but expecting. Loving that for her self-confidence, Wednesday stretched out on the futon while she started to ramble excitedly, opening a glittery pink date book, actually blathering about what to fill in it. Her excited ramble went on for almost two straight minutes before she paused, mid-sentence, blushing as she glanced back at Wednesday. As she opened her mouth, Wednesday reminded her, “If you dare apologize for looking forward to spending time together…” She snapped her lips together and Wednesday smirked, putting her chin on Enid’s shoulder as she leaned over her. “There’s a full moon next week, too. We could maybe go somewhere that has a forest nearby if you’d like to wolf out. It’s been months, Enid. The Solstice was the last time…it just happened to be on a Monday, otherwise you probably would’ve taken your potion then, too.”

“You really want to spend time off chasing me through the trees?” Enid asked skeptically.

Dropping into a sit beside her, Wednesday took her hand into her own, letting her thumb rub a circle over the ring on her left. “I want to spend my time off with you. That’s all, Enid. I don’t care, particularly, what we do. I would like you to make sure you’re not disconnecting with the wolf part of you…we know the consequences of that. But if you don’t think you need to wolf out to stay connected, that’s fine, too.”

“Hm,” Enid laced the fingers that were playing with hers between them and kissed Wednesday’s cheek. “You know – we could really disconnect from the world, and only connect to each other – which always helps. Go to the Zypher property, be surrounded by mountains? We haven’t been in…what, two and a half years now?”

Liking the sound of that, Wednesday nuzzled her neck, also liking that it wouldn’t involve her traveling by plane, but the thought of being without running water and electricity for an entire week wasn’t quite what she wanted to deal with. Who would’ve thought – Wednesday Addams, a woman of the modern world?

“Or – we go to the Addams house in Jericho? We’d be able to bathe far more conveniently – but still have the woods.”

Enid chuckled into her lips with a kiss. “Fair, fair,” She spoke, pulling back. “Promise me you won’t get tangled up in a Network conspiracy while we’re there?”

With a single nod, Wednesday leaned in for another kiss. “I won’t even tell them we’re in town.”

“Well, that’s not nice. Aunt Larissa would ream you if we bumped into her at the store picking up stuff for dinner and hadn’t told her we were coming.”

“Grocery delivery,” Wednesday refuted.  Enid shot her a look. “We can have one dinner with them. One. I’m very serious. This is going to be our time, Enid. We…we need it. It’s going to be a long summer – I’m so close to done, and the last two semesters are going to be grueling. Remember, I will be hospitalized at some point because I’m going to be so in over my head and taking horrible care of myself and refusing to let you do it for me,” She sighed – wishing she’d never had that vision, years ago. “But until then – we have this time together. I want it to be meaningful – just us.” Thunder made the entire place rumble and Enid nodded, then let out a little sound of sympathy as a slithering snake hurried himself up the steps and into Wednesday’s lap, trembling. “It’s okay, buddy,” She whispered, kissing his cheek as she held him close, letting him circle back around her neck. “Well, just us and the boy.”

Enid acknowledged what she’d said before, “Meaningful. It sucks to think that a lot of the time we do have together isn’t meaningful – and I guess I didn’t really understand that until this all blew up,” She sighed. “It’s hard to think that just because you spend every night sleeping next to the love of your life, it can get routine, so fast. I hate that. I don’t want that for us.” She thumbed her planner. “Do you think – we could pen in some more date nights? This was really nice. Not just dinner because we both happen to be home…which; has been rare for us – but intentional dates. I think we need to make sure we have at least one a month? Once a week would be better – but until you’re finished with school, I think we should be a little more realistic -”

Wednesday tilted her head in a bit of good news. “Actually, we can. Every Monday. My evening course was moved to Tuesdays and Thursdays for the summer class.”

Letting out a little gasp, Enid tossed her arms around her fiancée. “That’s amazing! OhEmGee, this is perfect! Hey – how about we put our first Monday after vacation at that Brooklynn rooftop and gallery, hm? I mean, truthfully – I think I preferred this, just us doing our own thing up here -”

“Then, let’s plan to do our own thing up here,” Wednesday argued gently. “Why go out and force ourselves to do something that neither of us really want to do? Just because it’s what is expected of a couple on a date? You know I would always rather be in with you. We can make it special, so long as we intend to.” She sighed, shaking her head. “Of course. I’ve long ago learned, intentions are everything, didn’t I? I suppose I just never applied it to our long-term romance.”

Enid kissed each cheek, then the tip of her nose. “I do believe I have some intentions for how I’d like to close out this night.”

Wednesday dropped her hands to her hips. “Hm. Funny, so did I. What if our intentions don’t align?”

She gave a playful growl, then nipped her lip playfully, making Wednesday close her eyes and give a little groan. “Yeah,” Enid pulled away, “I’m pretty sure – we both want the same thing. Come on. GusGus, bedtime, buddy. This date night continues for another hour!”

“Oh, that’s all?” Wednesday teased, earning a playful push as she smirked, fully intending on making meaning out of every moment of the rest of their night together.

[darkomoth]

Insomniacs

Chapter 3: The Evaluation

Aaron Hotchner x reader

Summary: Hotch offers you some company while you finish recovering and you stress about passing your psych and physical evaluations. The BAU gets a new case.

Notes: More tension! Let me know what you think of the series :) I'm thinking like 1-2 more chapters??

Also uploaded on Ao3 under the same title

Word count: 7.9K

Ch.1 Ch.2

The ride to Hotch’s apartment was quiet, though not uncomfortable. The nervousness and excitement in you made your fingers thrum against your thighs and avert his eyes.

When you’d arrived, Hotch silently got out of the car and opened your door. You took his hand without hesitation and allowed him to take your bag and walk you up to his floor. The whole time, your heart was beating out of your chest, but you tried not to show it.

Inside, Hotch was still silent as he removed your coat and set it down on the nearby couch with your bag. When you couldn’t take the tension anymore, you asked him, “Is Jack home?” 

“He’s at a sleep away camp for two weeks.” His soft voice carried over to you as he walked towards the kitchen.

You stood a little awkwardly in the front room, trying to gauge what to say or do in this situation. Hotch was filling up two glasses of water and all you could do was stare at his back.

Eventually he made his way back over to you and offered one of the glasses, which you accepted and took a sip of. The silence was killing you and you felt the need to fill it with something, anything. “You know, Reid told me that the majority of water on Earth is undrinkable…”

Hotch hummed thoughtfully before taking a sip of his own, “I think you should stay here for a while.” 

That caught you off-guard. You blinked at him a few times, unable to tell what he meant, “Stay here?”

“While you finish recovering.” He says as if it were obvious.

You look around Hotch’s place. You knew that he lived alone with Jack and that Jessica would sometimes be over so he most likely had a guest room, but the thought of being here with him for however many days… you weren’t sure if you could handle that.

“I would feel better if you weren’t alone.” Hotch says, interrupting your thoughts. You look into his eyes and he seems to be genuinely concerned for you, it makes you shift a bit where you stand. You weren’t sure what you’d expected when he initially drove passed your apartment complex, but it wasn’t this.

“Hotch, I appreciate you caring about me, but I just don’t think you would like having me here.” You say, laughing a bit. You both moved over to the living room, setting down your glasses on the coffee table. “I- I’m an insomniac, I mean you know that, and I’m stubborn so I’ll definitely get on your nerves, and I listen to music pretty loud-“

“I don’t care about any of that.” Hotch says, eyebrows furrowing. “I just… need to know that you’re okay.” His gaze stays on you as you take a step closer to him.

“I’m fine. I really am, I know that tonight wasn’t convincing but I-“ Hotch grabs your hand and you stop talking.

“Please.” Is all he says.

It takes a moment to find your breath again. “Okay.”

His hand is still in yours and it sends a warmth all the way up your arm and you swear that it reaches your face. You have to clear your throat and take a step back before you do something stupid. Hotch takes that as a cue to move away as well.

He nods and starts to make his way to his bedroom, “I’ll grab some clothes for you to wear tonight. Tomorrow we can stop at your place and grab everything you need, sorry this was such short-notice.”

You take a seat on the couch and kick off your shoes, seeing as you’d be here for a little while. You took out a couple clips that were in your hair and cracked your neck, the events of the day finally settling on your shoulders and weighing you down.

Hotch was back a minute later, offering the plain white T-shirt and some black drawstring sweatpants. You and he both knew they’d be too big but it was something. He directed you to the bathroom and allowed you to change as he set up the guest room.

You removed the black dress that you’d been in all night and slipped on the comfy shirt and sweats. They smelled like him, you thought happily. It took you longer than it probably should have to come back out. Hotch was waiting for you in the living room, also changed into his pajamas. He wore a black tee and blue plaid pajama bottoms, and you tried not to stare too much. You’d never seen him so relaxed.

Hotch was looking at you in a similar way, unable to meet your eyes. “I uh,” he cleared his throat before continuing, “I put some extra pillows and blankets in there and your bag’s next to the nightstand…”

You nodded and smiled at him, “Thank you.” The two of you were only a foot apart and the nervousness from earlier came crashing back. In the field, you were always very sure of yourself. You could distance yourself from the victims, interrogate suspects without displaying emotion, even break horrible news to parents without blinking, but here and now in Hotch’s space, you felt completely out of your element. 

Hotch opened the guest room door for you, “Let me know if you need anything, I’m right next to you.”

That did absolutely nothing to calm your nerves.

-

Hotch wasn’t entirely sure he knew what he was doing. Of course he wanted Y/N to stay with him, it’s something he’s thought about since everything had happened, but there was a reason he didn’t act on it. Having her here was going to be difficult.

When he saw her coming out of the bathroom with his clothing on, looking tired and beautiful, it took everything in him not to stride over to her and kiss her.

Now that she was in her room and Hotch was in his, he paced a bit. He thought about how Y/N looked at him in the car, how she shivered when he removed her jacket and the way her hand felt in his. He allowed himself to hope, even for just a few minutes, that she returned his feelings for her.

Hotch shook it from his mind, it wasn’t going to help to dwell on it. Besides, he was her superior and she was younger than him. There were too many reasons why it wouldn’t work… and still he allowed himself to imagine.

After about an hour of working at his desk, Hotch decided it was time to lay down for the night and hopefully the next day everything would feel more calm. His rest was interrupted with the sound of movement behind the wall only a few minutes later. His room was connected to the guest room, and the walls weren’t exactly soundproof. He listened to footsteps as Y/N moved around, he could hear the sink running from the bathroom, and then more pacing. The clock on his nightstand read 11:58 pm and he knew that she wouldn’t be asleep for several more hours, if she slept at all.

He listened some more as she opened her door and went out into the living room. Hotch could tell that she was trying to be quiet, probably for his sake. The kitchen sink ran and he thought he could hear coffee brewing. With a small sigh he got out of bed and made his way out into the living room.

Y/N stopped what she was doing when she heard Hotch approaching. Her hair was slightly messy and the makeup she had on from earlier was washed off, but she was still glowing. Her black eye had almost entirely disappeared, but the last bit of yellowing bruises lingered across her cheek bones.

“Hey… sorry, did I wake you?” Y/N asked, setting down the coffee pot after she finished pouring some into one of his mugs. It was one of his favorites, a gift from her for Christmas; it was plain white, but had a quote by Charlie Chaplin on it which said ‘Life can be wonderful if you’re not afraid of it.’ The sight of it made the corners of his mouth lift a bit.

“No.” Hotch said, not technically lying since he’d only begun to close his eyes. “Can’t sleep?”

The answer was obvious, but she humored him with a response. “I tried, but uh, I don’t know…” 

Hotch nodded and made his way over to stand by her, “Would you like some company?”

Y/N looked up at him and smiled a little which he couldn’t help but mirror. “Sure, I could be up for a while though.” She said, almost challenging.

Hotch chuckled, “I’m positive you will be.”

She poured him his own cup of coffee and added just the right amount of milk and sugar she knew he liked. They made their way over to the couch and turned on the TV, switching to some drama show that neither of them have seen before.

Y/N was curled up on one end of the couch, holding the mug close to her chest. Hotch was on the other end, legs extended towards the coffee table. Episode after episode played and the two of them talked about the obliviousness of the main characters, how the murder that was central to the plot made no sense, etc.

“The father is the only one with enough time and resources to pull this off, if the police would just take a step back and look at the timeline the whole mystery would be solved.” Y/N said, enthusiastically annoyed.

“And they haven’t even tried to match the DNA from the new crime scene to the old one, they��re obviously connected.” Hotch adds, also irritated by the inaccuracies of the crime drama.

“Right! This guy’s killed like a dozen people, where is the FBI?” She asks.

“Dale Cooper was busy…” Hotch said with a small smirk.

“I think we should be consulted on these shows.” She says, now looking over at him. “They could seriously benefit from our insight.”

“I agree.” He says, enjoying the way the late hour has made Y/N more at ease. Every once in a while, Hotch would look over at the time to see how long it’s been. Currently it was 2:15 in the morning, but she didn’t seem to be affected.

“Do you want another cup?” Y/N motioned to his mug which was long since forgotten on the coffee table.

Hotch shook his head, “No, I’ll never be able to get up tomorrow if I don’t sleep soon.”

Suddenly she looked embarrassed, or maybe a little guilty. “Oh, right, I’m sorry. Go to bed, please. I think I might just stay out here for a while longer if that’s okay with you?”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He replies, emphasizing the statement by moving his legs up onto the couch, careful not to touch her.

Y/N huffed a bit, but didn’t say anything, just rearranged herself to be more comfortable. Hotch had grabbed a blanket from a linen closet a while ago to lay across the both of them and the warmth lulled him into closing his eyes, content by her proximity.

He could still hear her moving here and there, turning down the volume of the TV, shifting the blanket so that it covered him more than her. It made an involuntary smile pull on his lips. Still, Hotch couldn’t help but think that he was the one who was supposed to be taking care of her.

His breathing evened out and he entered a dreamless sleep, much more peaceful than the last few weeks.

-

You watched as Hotch’s chest repeatedly rose and fell as he slept. His usual stern features were softened, no furrowed brows or hard lines. You looked at his parted lips and sighed to yourself. This was such a ridiculous situation, staying with the man you’ve liked for years who’s also your boss.

The crime show had long since lost your interest and you could feel every passing second weighing down on your eyes. You did not want to sleep, but sometimes you couldn’t help it. The caffeine was wearing off and the comfort of the soft cushions along with the fuzzy blanket made your body melt, everything was perfect.

You eyes slipped closed and your thoughts became less and less coherent. Minutes ticked by and then you were out. Good things only last for so long though. 

A familiar scene was playing out in your mind in no time. You see the lamp to your right, a strangers figure coming towards you, fear was coursing through your veins, paralyzing you.

Some things were hazy, the room looked like a long hallway instead of a basement, Mazdin’s face was obscured and the only thing that you could hear was his horrible laughing. His breath was on your ear and you jerked away from him as much as you could. You yelled and screamed at him, yanking at your restraints and getting nowhere.

The faces of the other girls flashed in your mind, their open dead eyes, necks bleeding and faces mutilated. You saw yourself as one of them.

Again and again, you would feel his fist connecting to your face and blood pooling in your mouth. Tears slipped from your eyes and you shook with the pain. “Y/N… Y/N!” The man shook your shoulders, and you could see the wire in his hands. You knew your life was about to end.

“Wake up, please.” It wasn’t Mazdin’s voice, it couldn’t have been. His wasn’t so gentle. “Wake up, it’s okay I’m here.”

Your eyes eventually shot open, your breathing was ragged and you could feel cool air on your sweaty skin. Hotch was looking at you with a concerned frown, his hands were on your shoulders steadying you.

“Aaron?” You asked, still trying to regain control over your body.

“It’s alright, you’re alright, just breathe. I’m going to get you some water, stay here.” He was up and on his way to the kitchen in a second. You took the time to try and compose yourself. You sat up and wiped a hand over your face, feeling some wetness. You cleared any trace of the falling tears and wrung your hands together in your lap until Hotch returned.

When he did, he handed you a glass and told you to drink. You obeyed silently, grateful for the distraction. When you were finished, Hotch took it from you without asking and sat down by your side. He was so close, you could feel his thigh touching yours.

“I’m so sorry for waking you, I didn’t want to- I just… I’m just sorry.” You rambled a bit, not meeting his gaze.

“Don’t, Y/N. It’s fine, I’m just worried about you.” Hotch says. His hand twitches at his his knee, but then grabs yours after a moment. “Please look at me.”

His hand engulfs yours, it’s warm compared to yours which felt like an ice cube. You build the courage to look at him but not to say anything.

“Tell me about it.”

You hesitate for a bit, chewing your lip and diverting your eyes again. With a deep inhale you start to tell him. “I’ve just been having some nightmares.” Hotch doesn’t attempt to say anything, only nods. “They didn’t used to be about me, not until… well you know.”

His jaw is tense and his hand squeezes your in a reassuring way, asking you to continue. You sigh, “I mean it’s what you’d expect. I’m always down in that dark hole, alone with him. I can’t really make out his face, I just feel his hands on me…” 

Hotch is expressionless, though you think it may be intentional. He’s rigid, you think, trying to keep as still as possible. Another minute passes with neither of you speaking.

“I’ve tried to just forget about it, you know?” You say finally, looking into his eyes. “But I think that the more I try, the more I remember. I can’t stop remembering.” You say, exasperated now.

Suddenly, Hotch’s arms were surrounding you. His head rested on yours and your face was placed in the crook of his neck. You breathed him in, allowing his weight to steady you. You were usually pretty good about not crying in front of people, but the exhaustion paired with what you’d just woken up from broke down a few barriers and silent tears rolled down your face. It shook your shoulders and you gasped quietly against him.

Hotch ran his hand down through your hair to your back, allowing you to sink into him. He rubbed comforting circles with his thumb, causing all the tension in your body to dissipate, replacing it with a warmth you’ve never experienced before. At least, not like this.

Several minutes passed with the two of you like this, clutching onto each other tightly. You tried to move away once your tears dried, but Hotch lulled you back to him with sweet nothings. You gave in very easily.

Eventually your eyes became heavy again, you had no idea what time it was but you didn’t really care. And for the first time since the hospital, you entered a blissful, dreamless sleep.

-

Hotch woke up to his alarm going off in his room, which he noticed was several feet away. He had fallen asleep last night next to Y/N, arms wrapped around one another on the couch. At some point, Hotch had laid down on his back, taking the length of the couch and she had stayed on top of him, her head resting against his chest.

He felt her shift on top of him, probably having heard the alarm too. She didn’t make a move to get up, though, only nuzzled closer to him and the feel of her breath on his neck made him stiffen.

Hotch knew he had to get up, he had to get dressed and go to the office and he knew that it was extremely unprofessional to have Y/N here like this, unconsciously cuddling him in the early hours of the morning. But he also did not make a move to pull away. He would allow himself this one selfishness, just a few minutes he thought. He enjoyed the weight of her pressed to him and the way her hair fell across his arm.

Eventually Y/N’s breathing became deeper, she yawned and slowly blinked her eyes open. When she saw the position they were in, Hotch was sure she would get up immediately, probably go back to her apartment and not return. Instead, she only looked up at him and smiled.

“Good morning.” She said.

“Good morning.” Hotch had to try very hard to keep his voice even given the circumstances.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you out here all night… or fall asleep on top of you.” Y/N said, finally shifting away from him. He had to refrain from pulling her back down. She got up and wiped the sleep from her eyes.

“That’s okay, I’m just glad you were able to sleep for a while.” Hotch replied, also getting up now. His alarm had stopped a minute ago, but he knew it’d go off again any second which meant he was running late.

Y/N looked over at him now, her hands in her lap twisting in the way it did when she was unsure of herself. “Thank you for that… it was the first good sleep I’ve had in a long time.”

Pride spread in Hotch’s chest at the thought, making a tired smile appear on his face. She returned it with one of her own and he thought, not for the first time, what it would be like to kiss her.

Hotch’s alarm sounded again in the other room, forcing the two of them to look away from each other. Y/N got up to use the restroom and he made his way to the shower in the bathroom connected to his room. When the two of them were ready, Hotch made good on his promise to drop by her apartment and grab anything she may need. It didn’t take her long to gather everything, he assumed most of what she needed was in her previously-packed go-bag. He dropped her back off at his apartment before heading to work. 

Hotch made sure Y/N was okay to be left alone, telling her that she should make herself at home while he was gone. He hoped that wouldn’t be long. Rarely did he get what he wanted, however. When Hotch stepped into the bullpen at 8:00 am, JJ was waiting for him in his office.

“Where are we going?” He asked with a set frown.

“California,” JJ replied, handing him a manila folder. Hotch opened it and scanned the contents as she spoke. “Four women dead, all killed on the same night in separate locations, identical MO for each.”

“So we’re looking at a pack.” He said, surveying the pictures of the victims. They were shot in the back of the head, execution-style.

“Or a gang. The local P.D.’s never seen anything like this in their area, but Garcia was able to find a very similar case from a decade ago- five women, shot and killed in different locations, at the same time.”

“They’re missing a victim.” Hotch says, growing more concerned.

“And if we don’t find them soon, they could disappear for another 10 years.” JJ replied.

“Gather the team.”

-

You spent your time at Hotch’s apartment in the same way you did your own. Mostly cleaned, drank coffee, watched some shows. Your evaluation was in four days and you were looking forward to it. You figured if you cut out any unnecessary movement your ribs would heal faster and you would be cleared to go back to work. So that’s what you did for those 96 hours alone at Hotch’s place, you read some books that he had stashed in his home office, tried to cook with whatever ingredients he had in his fridge, and took naps on the couch.

Hotch gave you updates on the case that the team was working, but you didn’t work on it, you had a feeling he’d say no if you asked. You had to focus on impressing the bureau-appointed psychiatrist and passing the physical anyway. You did regular stretches and breathed deeply to test your limits and found that your pain had subsided exponentially. There were still faint marks on your sides and when you pressed them it ached, but that was still an improvement.

The day of the evaluation rolled around and you took a cab to your place so that you would be able to drive your own car to the office. You arrived at 6:00 am and it felt good to be back at what you considered to be your second home. 

“Agent L/N?” A middle-aged woman asked, peering around an open door. You were the only one in the waiting area, having got there 30 minutes early.

“Yes.” You said, standing.

“Follow me, please.”

You followed the red haired woman into her office. You read the name plaque on the door which said ‘Dr. Connor’ before you closed it behind you. She motioned for you to take a seat, then she settled behind her desk.

“I understand you went through a rather traumatic event recently.” Dr. Connor stated rather than asked, to which you only nodded. “How has your recovery been?”

“Good.” You said, trying to sound as confident as possible. “The concussion was monitored and determined to be minor, my symptoms didn’t worsen and the painkillers helped. My ribs took longer, but I can move freely now.”

“That’s excellent. Though, I would like to know about your thought process during all of this. How did you feel the night you were abducted?” The doctor asked, crossing her legs.

It took a moment to come up with a sufficient answer, “I was… scared. But I trusted my team to find me.”

Dr. Connor hummed a little, “And when they did find you?”

“Uh, relieved?” You said, unsure.

“Is that a question?” She asked.

“No. I was relieved.” You hated every second of this. If you wanted someone to pick apart every word you said and dissect your tone of voice, you’d contact your parents.

“Okay. Any signs of agitation or irritability afterwards? Have you experienced flashbacks or vivid nightmares?”

You didn’t want to get into the nightmares, but you didn’t think lying was going to get you cleared to come back. “Nightmares. But I have them handled.” You tapped on your thighs, a nervous habit.

“How so?” Her question goes unanswered by you. “Have you noticed yourself engaging in self-destructive behavior? Perhaps as a result of social isolation?”

You take a steadying breath before answering, “No.”

Dr. Connor doesn’t look entirely convinced. “Are you sure? It’s common for people who have gone through what you’ve gone through to pull away from their friends and families. Often taking on the burden of coping alone.”

“Someone is helping me.” Your chest is warm at the thought.

“That’s good,” Dr. Connor smiles. “Someone special?”

You look away from her eyes and focus on your hands, “Yes.”

“Can you describe the ways that this person has helped you through the healing process?”

Embarrassed, you fidget in your seat before answering. “They’re just there for me.” Short and sweet was probably best, you thought. “They allow me to talk about it… or not talk about it.”

“Sounds like you have a good partner.”

The way she referred to Hotch as your partner made your cheeks warm. If Dr. Connor noticed, she didn’t comment on it. “I do.”

“Just a few more questions, and then you may go to the physical portion of your eval.” You nodded in your relief. “Do you experience anxiety at the thought of returning to the field?”

“No.” The answer was firm and it made the doctor narrow her eyes.

“It’s only been three weeks since the incident. Do you feel as though you are psychologically prepared to take on everything that field work entails?”

“Yes.”

“That will be all for today, thank you Agent L/N.”

You left the office a little after 7:00 am, which gave you an hour before the physical. You thought the meeting went as well as it could have, though some of her questions definitely caught you off guard. You thought you’d prepared for everything.

Your phone buzzed in your back pocket and you noticed one miss call from Hotch. You answered it as quick as possible, “Hey boss.”

“Hi. I assume the evaluation went well?” His voice came through rough and tired. The time in California was just past 4:00 in the morning, which means he probably hasn’t slept yet.

“It’s still going on, but I finished with the shrink at least.” You say. “How’s the case going?”

Hotch sighs and you know it’s not good, “We’ve detained one of the packs members and we’ve been interrogating him for 48 hours. So far, nothing.”

“I’m sorry. I wish I could be there.”

“Me too.”

You cleared your throat and started to make your way toward the elevator, hoping to get some coffee on the first floor. “I’ll be with a training agent for a couple hours, but I’ll call later to let you know how it went.”

“Good. Don’t strain yourself.” He says, and you can imagine the hard set of his lips and the furrow of his brows.

“Yes, sir.” You hang up with a smile.

When your coffee is finished, you stretch once more in preparation. You know that you’ll have to ace the firing range in order to be cleared, which you weren’t too worried about, but the thought of running a 1.5 mile track and doing push-ups was already making you sweat.

You met up with the training agent at 8:00 at the shooting range. Agent Kline, you learned, was a star when it came to sharp-shooting. One of the best in the bureau.

“Agent L/N?” He asked with a friendly smile, holding out his hand for you to shake.

You took it and nodded, “Yes, good to meet you Agent Kline.”

“You as well,” He was handsome, you thought. Not really your type, but conventionally attractive with slicked back brunette hair and a strong jawline. “We’re gonna start with 3 yards, I know you’ve done this before but I have to go over it. You’ll draw and fire three rounds with your dominant hand. Then you’ll fire three rounds with your support hand. You’ll have six seconds.”

You have done this, many times actually. It was usually for practice and not contingent upon your return, but at least you knew what to expect.

You got through the 3 yard round, then 5 yards, 7, 15, and 25. You hit your mark each time with the appropriate time allowed. Kline let out a low whistle, “Very nice.”

It made you smile with pride. This place always reminded you of time spent with Reid, spending hours and hours shooting at the paper targets. He’d insist that you didn’t need to stay with him and you would ignore him completely. You would attend his evals and grin as he passed, giving him a big hug.

“Now get changed, it’s time to hit the field.” Kline says, loading up the firearms and walking out.

You bring your bag with you to the locker room and switch from your professional clothing to a tank top and sweats that both had the FBI logo on them. It was mid-summer and very hot, you knew you were about to be sweating.

“You’re going to complete the 300-meter sprint first, just to get it out of the way.” Kline winks at you. “You’ll be timed, but don’t worry too much about it, it’s mostly to see if you can stay on your feet.”

You nod, preparing yourself. The aching in your side flared up a little bit during the shooting range, but you took a painkiller in the locker room and were just waiting for it to kick in.

After the sprint came the one-minute sit-ups, which you got to 35 before the timer went off. After that was push-ups, untimed, you got to 10 before the burning in your side was doubled. You hoped your face didn’t betray what you were feeling in that moment.

“Last, but not least, your starting point for the run will be here,” Kline walked you over to the white line on the red track. “It’s one and a half miles, you’ll be timed. Honestly all I’m looking for is that you’re able to keep pace and not slow down, got it?”

You nod, and wipe the sweat that’s dripping off your forehead. The sound goes off, indicating your start. You take off with your feet pounding the track. You remember how to keep your breathing under control, in through the nose, out through the mouth. It becomes increasingly more difficult as time goes on, pain is shooting in your ribs and your heart beat is fast.

Twenty minutes pass before you finish, your hands are on your knees and you’re breathing heavily. You’re drenched in sweat and instantly take the water bottle that Agent Kline offers you.

“You did very well.” He says kindly. “I’ll be sending over my report to your Section and Unit Chiefs by tomorrow.”

That makes you straighten up, “Really?” You’re still panting.

Kline grins at you, “Not a lot of people could push through like that. I could tell you weren’t feeling good after those push-ups.”

You nodded and gulped down some more water. “I’m feeling better now.”

-

Hotch and the rest of the team were exhausted. They had managed to exploit one of the unsub’s weakness for another and detained two more suspects. Him, Morgan, and Prentiss took point on the separate interrogations. This case was taking longer than most and Hotch was stressed.

He spoke to Jack a few times on the phone, using any break he got to send him messages that he loved him and would see him soon. All he wanted to do now was call Y/N and check in on her, but he couldn’t take another break. Each man was more closed off than the last, refusing to speak without a lawyer present.

On their fifth day in Sacramento, they finally caught a break. One of the unsubs unintentionally revealed their headquarters, which led to a SWAT operation taking place and the detainment of the last two unsubs. They were able to save one girl in the nick of time, though with cases like these, it never felt like enough.

As the team headed back to the hotel, Hotch took the opportunity to call Y/N. His hand gripped the steering wheel as he waited for her to pick up, she eventually did on the fifth ring, “Hey Boss.”

She sounded tired, the time displayed 11:00 pm for him, it must’ve been 2:00 am back home. Suddenly he felt guilty, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“No, I’m- I wasn’t sleeping.” Y/N’s gruff voice betrayed her though, usually when he called she’d pick up immediately and she would sound wide awake. 

He decided to let it go in lieu of arguing, “The team’s headed back in the morning… how was the physical?”

“Good, yeah it was good.” Y/N said, stopping mid sentence to yawn. The corners of his mouth turned up and he ached to be next to her in this moment. “I think I may be cleared to come back, but we’ll find out tomorrow.”

Hotch was happy that she would be returning, but also anxious. He knew he’d be worried about her every time she was in the field from now on and that it would distract him from being an effective team leader. That wasn’t her fault, of course, but it was a concern nonetheless. Not to mention he only got to enjoy one day of her being with him in his home, and now that she was possibly coming back, it meant she’d most likely be returning to her own apartment. 

“How’s the pain?” Hotch asked. He listened as Y/N hesitated on the other end.

“It’s subsiding, overall.” She said, evading the actual question.

“What’s it at right now?”

She sighed as if she’d been caught in a lie, “5.”

“Last I’d checked it was a 2.”

“Yeah, well tell that to Agent Kline.” She laughed a breathy laugh.

Hotch’s eyes narrowed on the road, “Agent Kline was your training agent?”

“Uh, yeah. You know him?” Y/N asked.

“Briefly.” Hotch didn’t like the guy but he hadn’t disliked him either. Not until now, anyway. “Did he push you too hard?”

“No, I was just… I didn’t want to give him a reason to reject my return.”

“Y/N, you promised you wouldn’t strain yourself.” Hotch’s hand was tighter around the wheel now.

“And I didn’t. Flare ups are inevitable, you know.”

Hotch pressed his lips together to prevent himself from saying something that would cause an argument between them. “I know. I’ll be back by 12:00 tomorrow, can you meet me at the office?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

-

You were giddy with excitement the next morning, you took maybe 20 minutes getting ready before you were out the door and headed to the BAU. You knew that the team wasn’t going to be back until the afternoon, but you didn’t care. You had gotten a notification from Section Chief Strauss that your evaluation report had come back and to meet her in her office at 9:00 am.

When you arrived, you knocked on her door. “Come in.” You walked inside and said your hellos. “Agent L/N, it’s good to see you back.”

“It’s good to be back.”

Strauss was sitting behind her desk, hands crossed in front of her. “I wanted to go over a few things from your report.”

You were nervous about which sections she was referring to, but you kept your face neutral and sat still.

“The nightmares you mentioned, how long have they been occurring?” She asks, though you don’t think she’s asking out of concern for your well-being.

“A while.”

Strauss sighs, “L/N I would like to help you, but I need a straightforward answer.”

“I don’t have a specific date. They started before the Mazdin incident.”

She nodded in response. “And now?”

“They’ve decreased.” You stare at each other for a moment in silence.

“Truth be told, I would like to clear you as soon as possible so as to not worry about the team being down a member. I just need the director to be convinced that you’re not a liability.”

“A liability?” You asked, a little offended. “With all due respect, Chief Strauss, I have made good progress in the last month. I’m not depressed, no increased aggression, physically, I’ve improved as well. If you ask Agent Kline-“

“I did speak to Kline, he mentioned you were in pain during the assessment.”

Your mouth snapped closed while you inhaled a breath through your nose, “And yet, I passed the eval, did I not?”

It takes a minute for Strauss to respond, “You did. Welcome back, Agent L/N.” She extends her hand as she stands up and you reach out to meet her.

You nod, appreciative. “Thank you.”

Afterwards, you made your way down to Penelope’s office. You knocked only twice before she opened, “Y/N!!” She reached out to you for a bear hug which you obliged, squeezing her back just as tightly.

“Hey, Garcia. Good to see you too.” You laughed, trying to breathe again.

“Oh my gosh, look at you! You look amazing!” She took a step back to take all of you in. Suddenly she gasped, “If you’re here, now- does that mean you’re back? Like, back back?”

“Back back.” You say happily.

“Oh thank the stars in the heavens above, cause God knows I love the boys but we seriously needed more of a female presence in the office.”

“What, JJ and Prentiss not enough for you?” You prodded lightly.

“No no no, they’re great, just outnumbered.” She said in a conspiratorial voice, “With you here, it’s even.”

“Ah, understood. Well I’m happy to be of service, do you need help with anything down here? I’m dying for something to do.”

Penelope turns around and swipes up a pile of folders on her desk, eagerly handing them to you, “Well if you insist, there’s a bunch of clerical work I’d rather not touch.”

You laugh and hold the papers in your arms, “I’ll take these to my desk.” You start to turn around but stop yourself, “Oh, and thank you Garcia. It’s really good to see you.”

She smiles her infectious smile at you and shoos you off, but not before adding one last file to the stack.

The time flew by as you read up on the recent cases that the BAU had consulted on. You went over the files, made your notes and even organized your desk. By the time everyone started making their way inside the bullpen, you hadn’t noticed it was already past noon.

Reid and JJ were talking to each other about some book. Well, Reid was talking to JJ, she was trying to make it look like she was listening. Morgan wasn’t anywhere to be seen, but you came to expect his first stop would always be Garcia. That left Prentiss, Rossi and Hotch, who all walked in looking dead on their feet.

Reid noticed you first, since his desk was right next to yours, “Y/N, you’re back!” He said happily.

It made you smile as he took his seat, never one for a hug. “Hey, how’re you doing? I missed you guys.”

“We missed you too,” JJ said, making her way over to you to give you a hug hello. You returned it gladly.

“So everything turned out alright in Sacramento?” You asked no one in particular.

“Alright is relative.” Prentiss said, also making her way over to you to greet you. 

“Isn’t it always.” Rossi adds.

Hotch makes eye contact with you finally and you release the air that was being held in your lungs involuntary. “L/N, my office please.” He says, ever the professional at work.

You nod simply and follow after him. You can hear the low murmurs of the team down in the bullpen as you make your way up the stairs and into Hotch’s office.

“Close the door, please.” His voice is commanding, but gentle and you do as you’re told.

“How’re you doing?” You ask Hotch as he moves about his work space, setting down the bag in his hand and shuffling paperwork. He stops at the sound of your voice.

“I was about to ask you the same thing.” He says, shoulders tense and arms crossed. You couldn’t quite tell if he was upset at you or something else.

You attempt to keep the conversation light by saying, “I asked you first.” 

Hotch lets out a sigh and rubs at his forehead. “I’m fine. The case is over, I’ve excused the team for the rest of today and tomorrow. I think they all deserve it.”

“So do you.” You say quietly.

His eyes meet yours and there’s something soft in them. It takes a moment for him to speak again, “You didn’t answer my question.”

You smile at him, “I’m good. Better now that you’re- the teams back.”

Hotch nods, then removes his jacket before hanging it on the backside of his chair. You try very hard not to stare at him. This wasn’t like the hospital or his apartment, you were at work.

But then he’s in your space, only a foot away. “The evaluation came back, I assume Strauss informed you that you passed.”

“With flying colors,” You bragged jokingly.

“She stopped to talk with me as I was walking in, handed me the Eval papers… I had a chance to go over it briefly.”

You weren’t entirely sure where this was going, but the nerves in your stomach were building by the second. Hotch then started to read off the transcript of your conversation with Dr. Connor, and you felt all the heat in your body rushing to your face as he spoke. 

“‘Someone is helping me.’ ‘That’s good, someone special?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Can you describe the ways that this person has helped you through the healing process?’ ‘They’re just there for me. They allow me to talk about it… or not talk about it.’ ‘Sounds like you have a good partner.’ ‘I do.’” He stops for a second to look up at you from the papers in his hands and gives you a smirk, "Well, I’m very flattered.”

You thought you could and should die right there, but as you took a step away from him, he reaches out to stop you. His large hand wraps around your arm and keeps you in place. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want- she assumed that I was in a relationship and I didn’t correct her cause I think it helped to-“

“It’s fine, Y/N, I’m not mad at you.” Hotch cuts off your rambling with his calm voice. His smirk from earlier has melted into a relaxed smile. “It’s not my business what you discuss with your psychiatrist, my only concern is your well-being.”

You nod at him, relieved that he wasn’t angry about your lie by omission. “I’m just really, really glad to be back.” You say with a soft sigh.

“Me too.” Hotch releases your arm but stays close to you. “Have you thought about… well you’re more than welcome to stay with me until you’re feeling 100% better, but if you would like me to take you back home I understand.” He says a little rushed, as if he were trying to get it out as quickly as possible.

You’d thought about that, what would happen once you did return to the field. You’re assumption was that Hotch would pack your things and send you on your way as soon as your Eval was completed and you were cleared to come back. But since that didn’t seem to be the case, you mulled over his suggestion in your head.

“I’m close to 100… maybe 90?” You said, hoping he understood what you meant. Hotch seemed to get it, nodding with upturned lips.

“Then we should decide on what to get for dinner tonight.” He said, seemingly relieved.

The thought made your whole body relax, warmed at the idea that he might like having you around. “I vote Mexican.”

“Mm, sounds good to me.”

The two of you haven’t moved away, and the proximity was making your heart beat loudly again. It baffles you sometimes, the effect that this man has on you. It’s been the same since the first day you met and hasn’t waned even once over the years.

Hotch was looking at you in a way you’d never seen from him before. Like he was deep in thought, but not about a case. He held your gaze without a word, though he started to move closer slowly. You looked up at him and shifted nervously where you stood, working your bottom lip between your teeth. Hotch’s hand reached up to pull at your lip until it was free, his thumb grazing it and making you swallow.

Then his hand slipped from your face to the back of your neck, caressing it but also holding it in place. You couldn’t think, you could only feel the warmth of his breath ghosting your lips. He hovered for a moment as he moved his gaze from your lips to your eyes as if asking for permission. You relaxed against him and your hand found his free one. The contact must’ve given him some courage because in the next second his lips covered yours.

It started off soft and sweet, both of you unsure of how the other liked to be kissed. Hotch’s hand tightened just slightly in your hair and you moaned a little into his mouth in response. The sound seemed to spur him on, the kiss becoming progressively more intense. 

Hotch walked with you, pushing you backwards more and more until your back hit a wall. The impact made you separate from him for a moment, the two of you panting, staring at one another. His eyes raked over you, the hand that used to be in your hair trailed down to your neck, then shoulder, down your arm, until it gripped your waist. Heat built in your stomach from the action.

“Aaron.” You gasped as his knee slid between both your legs and your eyes slipped closed. The sound of his name made him focus back on your mouth, his tongue swiping at your lips and you eagerly parted for him.

You shuddered under his touch. “Say my name again,” Hotch said between kisses. His mouth made a trail down from your lips to your jaw, his left hand kept your head tilted upwards to give him easy access to your neck.

“Aaron…” His name was breathy on your lips and you couldn’t think of a single other word. He sucked on the base of your neck and you were sure there would be marks there later, but it didn’t matter.

“I need you,” Hotch said breathlessly. “Fuck, Y/N, I need you.” His breath ghosted over your bare skin and made you shiver.

“I need you too.”

[cheerycherrycandy-resurrected]

Ghoulette Appreciation Week 3

Week 3: First Ritual & Lazy Sunday

Crashing in last minute and more unedited than ever with this (I mean it's week 4 where I am, but it's still the 20th somewhere lol) after a hectic week!

Aurora's first Ritual, and the last lazy Sunday at the Abbey before it. “Break a leg!” Cumulus whispered in Aurora’s ear, as the pair walked on-stage. Aurora caught Cirrus giving her an exaggerated thumbs-up from the opposite side of the stage. She took a deep, breath from her podium. She loved music, she loved singing, the congregation were going to love her.

Yes I googled the first day of reimperatour to make this accurate, what about it?

Rating: General Content: literally just pack-bonding fluff Words: 1004

Read below now! AO3 link to follow tomorrow, I'm not fighting with their upload page at 2am!

“Break a leg!” Cumulus whispered in Aurora’s ear, as the pair walked on-stage. Aurora caught Cirrus giving her an exaggerated thumbs-up from the opposite side of the stage. She took a deep breath as she stepped up to her podium, and grinned widely behind her mask. I deserve to be here. Let’s do this!

The sun rose and gradually peered into the windows of the Abbey, illuminating everything it touched with a golden glow. Few were actually awake to see this, the ghouls all curled up in their nests and enjoying their last few hours of peace. A week from now, they would be preparing for their first ritual of the new tour and sleep would be a luxury, a lie-in a miracle.

Aurora was an exception. Not normally an early-riser, by anyone’s definition, she’d awoken long before the other ghoulettes curled around her. She was nervous: worried about being away from the place she now called home, anxious about giving a good performance, scared of the congregation’s reaction to her. She knew how loved Sunshine was, and was desperate to live up to her reputation.  The ghoulettes, Sunshine included, had all told her how she needn’t worry, she was going to be perfect, but all the same she was nervous. She knew Phantom felt the same way too, stepping into Aether’s shoes.

And so, she lay awake. Trying to follow the steady breathing of the ghoulettes around her, despite her pounding heart, and Cumulus’ hair that was tickling her nose and threatening to make her sneeze.

Eventually, the others began to stir. No one had any plans for the day, it was to be their last officially sanctioned day off in many months. As the tangle of limbs moved around Aurora, she extricated herself from the pile, and made her escape. She trudged down the hall to the kitchen, deciding to bring coffee back to her packmates.

Entering the kitchen, she discovered she was not the only ghoul awake. Perched on the island counter was Phantom, a small frown creasing between their eyebrows. Swiss stood nearby, already coaxing the ancient coffee machine into life.

“Morning Ror.” Phantom smiled at her, but it didn’t reach their eyes.

“Hey Ant.” Aurora hopped up next to them, shuffling close enough to bump shoulders. “You got the jitters too?”

Phantom sighed slightly, before leaning into her side.

“A bit. Big shoes to fill, y’know?”

“Yeah!” Swiss chirped as he turned around with Phantom’s coffee “Aeth’s giant clown feet!”

Both the smaller ghouls giggled slightly, and Swiss beamed at the admittedly mediocre response.

“What’s your plan for today then, Rory? Last lazy day we’ll get in a while.” asked Swiss.

“I hadn’t really thought of anything, besides bringing the girls coffee in bed.” Aurora hummed thoughtfully.

“I promised Ant a picnic by the lake, you could join us? ‘M gonna bring the guitar, thought we could make some music without the pressure of rituals and rehearsals before that becomes our lives. With the touring I need to remind myself it’s fun sometimes, y’know?”

“That sounds really nice actually, I’d love to!” Aurora loved spending time by the lake, her water element calling to it. Phantom trilled happily next to her.

“I’ll let the others know where I’ll be, it’ll be good for Sunny to have Lus and Riri to herself for the day.” Aurora knew how much Sunshine would appreciate that, she was definitely more anxious about her closest packmates going away for so long than she was letting on.

A short while later, the three ghouls sat soaking in the springtime sun, keeping the worse of the damp from the grass at bay with a blanket. The gentle sounds of water lapping at the edge of the lake accompanied the soft music from the guitar Phantom was now playing. Aurora and Swiss hummed along, singing songs from their family groups in the pit, songs they’d heard on the radio topside, just harmonising together.

The sun moved overhead, gently warming them until their shadows grew long, and it could no longer compete with the late-afternoon chill. Rory headed back inside to find the rest of the ghoulettes. She found them where she left them, curled up in the nest and apparently asleep. It had been tidied, so they had clearly moved at some point.

Aurora moved to join them, kicking off her shoes and clambering into the pile of limbs.

“Hello little songbird, have a good day?” murmured Cirrus, twining her tail around Aurora’s calf.

“Yes, really nice.” Aurora sunk deeper into the purrs of her packmates, joining in with a high rumbling noise of her own. “Was good to relax a bit before we leave.”

“How are you feeling about tour?”

“Alright, I think. It’ll be great to see the world, meet our congregation…”

“…but?”

“I’m a little anxious about living up to Sunny, I guess.”

Cirrus puller her closely to her chest “I don’t think you have to worry, sweetie, you’re going to be fantastic I just know it!”

A week later, Aurora remembered her words as she took a deep, calming breath from her podium. She loved music, she loved singing, the congregation were going to love her.

The lights went up, the music blared, and Aurora sang and danced like everyone’s eyes were on her. Twirling her cape, stomping her feet, she felt every beat of the music resonate with her heartbeat, and fed off the infectious energy of the crowd.

All too soon the ritual was over. Moving to the front of the stage, she almost list her footing as Cirrus and Cumulus crushed her in a hug.

“You did so well!” Cumulus squealed, also riding high off a good performance. Across the stage, Aurora could see a similar interaction happening between Swiss and Phantom, both of the new ghouls vibrating with excitement and adrenaline.

She moved forward with Cirrus and Cumulus to interact with the audience, all of them waving at her and cheering. Maybe she didn’t need to worry after all.

[desertfangs]

Swipe Right [AO3]

Armand/Daniel, Louis/Daniel - 5 Chapters - Explicit

Y'all, I'm so excited about this because this is, no joke, the first AU I've ever written in terms of truly being an alternate universe (I've done some canon divergent stuff but that's it.) I've just been so inspired by the wonderful AUs and AU ideas in this fandom and when I saw the prompt, I knew what I wanted to do.

This was written for @valenfangs for the prompt "Dating App."

Anyhow, I'm a little nervous because this is something I haven't done before but I'm so excited about this fic and I'm really happy with how it turned out. It's 5 chapters, all written (so it is complete), although there is potential for more chapters or a sequel so we'll see. I will post one chapter per week.

Also, where is that anon who asked if I'd ever write Louis/Daniel because uh... here you go. They are not the main focus but the first chapter is pretty much them so... You're welcome! I told you I never know what might happen!

Summary: In this modern, human AU, Daniel is a radio intern with a podcast who installs a Dating App to find love. He matches with a strange, pretty guy named Armand, and meets another gorgeous man, Louis, in a bar. Dating is complicated and weird, but Daniel just wants to find love.

Short Excerpt:

It was an alert from the new dating app he’d signed up for. His pulse quickened. He’d made a profile in a fit of loneliness the other night, a little tipsy and unable to sleep. For all his time spent talking to people, he never seemed to make any lasting romantic connections and the app was a desperate attempt to change that. 

Most of the matches had seemed wrong to him immediately and while he didn’t mind the odd dick pic, he didn’t understand the point of sending them without so much as hello to accompany the photo, nor what he was meant to do when he received them. He’d sent one back once and the guy unmatched with him, which hadn’t helped his confidence. Since then, he’d pretty much written the app off as a failed experiment. 

He looked at this new match. The guy was gorgeous, that was the first thing he noticed. Auburn hair curling around his chin, big brown eyes, pale skin, and a dusting of freckles. He was young, maybe a few years younger than him. In the photo, he was wearing a t-shirt (a rarity on these apps, most dudes went shirtless), but the funniest part was his profile photo made him look kind of bored. He was smiling faintly but like the photo had been taken by someone else holding him at gunpoint. Daniel found that endearing. 

His profile said his name was Armand. He was twenty years old and a student at SFSU. He liked video games, science, and museums. Daniel had to admit he was intrigued. He accepted the match and then sent a short message: “Hi! You’re hot. I also love museums. Maybe we could go sometime.” He hit send and then immediately worried it was stupid. He resisted the urge to delete it. He silenced his phone and tossed it onto his bed. 

He went back to editing the podcast, because he needed to get it uploaded by midnight so it could go out tomorrow on time. Not that any of his 67 subscribers ever complained if he was late. 

Read the Rest on AO3

[purplerae364]

Overwhelmed

Gifs aren’t mine! Credit to those who made them!

Pairing: Doc & Lightning (NOT A SHIP!)

Summary: After Lightning McQueen wins his first Piston Cup, he gets invited to an end-of-the-season party. Unfortunately for Lightning, everyone is a bit too loud for him to handle.

Word Count: 3,834

A/N: Thought I try uploading a fan fic here! I finished this yesterday and posted it in ao3 but posting here might be fun, who knows 🤷‍♀️ Also this kind of sensory overload has happend to me before in class once. I just Hope this isn’t too ooc for Lightning, I just really like ADHD Lightning. Also I had no idea how to end this too so I hope the ending is fine.

Warnings: Sensory Overload, Drinking, Emetophobia (throwing up)

↯☆~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~☆↯

McQueen was being bombarded by lights, cameras, and people.

He had been doing great at races after the tiebreaker in California.

In fact, he just won a Piston Cup.

He was holding it in his arms as he answered the people’s questions. People were asking him things left and right. After a while though, he started to drown them out a bit. Really he just wanted to go home.

Home. Funny isn’t it?

He was put into Radiators Springs against his will and now he’s calling it home? It’s funny to him. He gave a small wave to Doc as he walked towards the press. When it came to finals like this, everybody in town came to watch him, and it made him smile.

“Alright, Alright settle down everyone. I’m sure he’ll have plenty of time to answer your questions in the upcoming interviews.” Doc said, pushing through the crowd to Lighting. Lightning smiled at him, and wrapped his arm around his, as they went to walk away. Lightning was grateful because the people were starting to get too loud and annoying.

He wanted to tell everyone to shut up for just a few seconds, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know when he’d get that silence but hopefully, it was soon. Usually, he doesn’t mind the noise and people. In fact, he lives for it. But sometimes it’s just too much.

Some of the people started to follow them, but Lightning shooed them away. Once it was just Doc and him, he let go of his arm.

“Thanks.” He said.

“No problem.”

Lightning looked over at his friends and ran into Sally’s arms.

“Lightning you did amazing!” She exclaimed, kissing him on the cheek. He let out a small giggle and said,

“Thanks! Look at it!” He jumped out of her arms to hold up the trophy.

“Wow, it’s bigger than I thought.” She said, looking at it.

Lightning did a little jump and then showed the rest of his friends.

“Well gosh darn Lightning! You actually did it this time!” Mater yelled, holding up his hand. Lightning smacked it and let out a small laugh.

“Yeah, no need to push cars to the finish line this time, so I got the win pretty easy.” He says smirking. Mater laughs and pats Lightning’s shoulder. “We’re gonna have a big celebration when you get back!” Mater shakes McQueen a bit, to show his excitement.

“Yeah, baby!” Lightning yells. Mater runs off for a second and Doc walks over to Lightning.

“I’m proud of you kid. Honestly. You did good.” He ruffles Lighting’s hair with a chuckle.

“Thanks.” Lightning says.

Sally walks over.

“We gotta go now Lightning. See you tomorrow.” She kisses his lips and fixes his hair a bit.

“Love you.” He says.

“Love you too.” She says. “See ya Doc.” She says waving.

His friends start to leave and it’s just him and Doc. He looks up at him for a moment, wondering what to do next. He heard people start to walk up to him. He rolled his eyes and let out a small groan before turning around and smiling.

“Lightning! Lightning McQueen! McQueen! McQueen!” People started yelling from all angles.

“What’s up?!”

“Do the thing!” Someone shouted.

“You mean this?” He swung his head around at the perfect angels so that his earrings flashed and shined. Doc stood behind him with his arms crossed.

“Hudson! Hudson Hornet!” Some people shouted and tried to get his attention. And soon everyone was talking, and it was hard for Lighting to hear what people were saying let alone process it.

“What?” Was being said a lot. His hands clenched and released his pants. He played with them as he was bombarded with questions. It was starting to annoy him. The fact that he couldn’t hear anyone clearly.

“How do you feel after winning your first Piston Cup?!” Someone asked.

“How do I feel? I feel amazing! I’m so grateful that I won this!” He yelled over everyone, bouncing on his tippy toes. Suddenly he was being dragged away by Doc, but the people still followed him.

“Uh, more details tomorrow.” He nodded while smiling.

“Where are you heading now?” Another person asks.

“To a hotel!” “He was pushed in front of the door of the car. He opened it and got in. And immediately rolled down the window.

“I’ll see you all tomorrow to answer more questions. Kachow!” He flashed his earring and gave the crowd finger guns.

“Hey, kid!” Mack yelled, running over to the door. Lightning turned his attention towards him.

“What’s up?”

“Some of the other racers are throwing this end-of-the-season party or something. They used to do it all the time I guess. Anyways, they were wondering if you’re going.” Mack asked, leaning on the door.

“What tonight?”

“Yeah. It’s starting pretty soon. It’s just gonna be the racers and some of the pit crews.”

“Uhm..” Lightning bounced his leg up and down as he thought about it. On one hand, he wanted to just go to sleep. But on the other hand, He did just win his first Piston Cup. What’s an end-of-the-season party without the Piston Cup winner?

“Tell them I’m going.” He says smiling.

“Nice. Okay, see you later kid!” Mack yells, walking away and waving. Lighting waves to everybody while he rolls up the window. Once he can’t hear anybody he sighs. He looks over at Doc.

Lightning couldn’t describe Doc’s face in one word. Or emotion.

He looked concerned, but also disappointed in his answer.

“What?” Lightning asked.

“You sure you wanna go to this party, kid? You looked a bit exhausted out there.”

“Yeah! Yeah, I’ll be fine. I wanna go.”

“Okay then. Do you know where it is?”

“Uhhh no.” He pulls out his phone and texts Mack.

“It’s at some bar they rented out. Here.” Lightning showed Doc and he nodded. Lightning put his phone away and slouched a bit.

Music played softly in the background. Lightning kinda wanted to turn it off, but he decided not to. It would make him look weird and only worry Doc more. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh.

“You okay, Lightning?” Doc asked. Lightning snapped his eyes open.

“I’m fine.” He said sternly. And by that Doc knew he shouldn’t talk anymore. Lightning closed his eyes again. The more the music played, the more he didn’t really care. He drowned it out pretty easily. He almost fell asleep when he heard Doc say,

“We’re here.”

Lightning opened his eyes and sat up. The neon light of the sign glowed brightly. Lightning stepped out of the car.

“Listen, kid, I know they got drinks in there and everything, but don’t get too wasted alright?”

“Okay old man, whatever you say.” He says with a smirk. Doc chuckles and shakes his head as they walk up to the doors. Right before Lighting goes to open it, Doc stops him and puts his hand on his shoulder.

“You’re 21 right?” Lightning rolls his eyes and laughs a bit.

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

“You got your ID?” Lightning pulls it out of his pocket and shows it to him.

“Alright, just making sure.” Lighting opens the door and everyone goes quiet for a moment when they see who walked in.

Then everyone starts cheering and clapping and Lightning knew he was gonna regret this. But despite that, he shouts.

He watches Doc walk away somewhere else before going up to everybody else. He gives them high fives while making his way to the bar. He jumps on a stool.

“Beer please.” He says sliding his ID on the table with a smirk. The bartender nods and turns away to get one.

A racer walks over to him.

“So, Piston Cup winner eh? Kinda nice to see someone other than The King win one.”

“Oh yeah? That’s nice.” Lightning says, not really knowing how to respond.

“You’re still quite the rookie aren’t you?”

“Well technically, not anymore. But the stripes only came off my car like last season. So yeah, I guess you could say so.” He says, grabbing the beer that was just handed to him and taking a sip.

“Yeah, I guess so. You’re pretty good for how young you are.”

“Thanks.”

“Okay shut up, it's my turn to talk to the legend, Lightning McQueen!” Another racer says to the other one. He rolls his eyes.

“Alright, whatever.” He gets a drink, and Lightning turns his attention to the racer who just appeared.

“So, how cool is it having the Fabulous Hudson Hornet as your crew chief?” He asks him.

“How is it? It’s pretty great. He’s pretty funny, but he knows how to get me in the game y'know. He really helps me.” Lightning says, taking a last chug of his first drink and patting the table.

“Hey, another one please.”

“So no more flying solo huh?” The racer asks with a laugh. Lightning laughs along and shakes his head.

“Yeah, no. I found a good team.” He says, looking at Doc and waving rapidly. Doc looks over and gives him a small slow wave.

“Whoa buddy, you finished that first drink quickly.” The first racer says.

“Hm? Oh yeah.” He says, chuckling a bit. He continues sipping out of the cup with his straw. The racers went off to talk to other people. Lightning brings his fists up to his face and slightly covers his ears. It’s pretty loud in here. He bounces his leg up and down on the stool chair as he finishes his second cup.

“Another one please.” He says. He knows he shouldn’t drink too much, but it’s really good.

Doc looks over at him and sees him drinking his third cup. Hands over his ears and a bouncing leg. This kid really can’t stop moving, can he?

Doc shakes his head and takes a sip of his wine.

“I swear this kid is driving me nuts. He never stops moving. I’m surprised he can fall asleep at night.” He says to the other crew chiefs, which results in a group of laughter.

Other racers start coming up to Lightning and talking to him. The more people talk to him, the more the little guy in his head runs around telling him to leave. Where it’s quiet. But he ignores it and just keeps talking and ordering more drinks. He laughs along with the people who tell him funny things and has great conversations with them. Except he’s getting drunk. And the more he gets drunk, the more careless and reckless he gets. He starts tuning out people and then yelling random things when he tunes back in. No matter how much he tunes out the people taking, he can always hear the buzz and mumbling of everybody.

He remembered someone was talking to him and turned his head towards him. He felt dizzy doing that. He rubbed the bridge of his nose a few times.

“You good?”

“Y-yeah.” He responds, nodding.

“Another one.” He says, hand reaching out.

“This is like your 9th one.” The bartender says.

“I don’t care.”

“Anyways, I heard…” Lightning tuned him out as he stared at the table. His head was pounding. He felt sweaty and his eyes keep unfocusing. He saw as the next cup of beer was placed in front of him. He moves his mouth over to the straw to drink it before his hand slipped off his cheek and he almost bashed his head into the cup. He sits up and his stomach churns. He feels a weird warm feeling creep up his throat and immediately stands up.

“Sorry. Where's the bathroom?” He asked, stumbling to catch his footing. The bartender pointed to the back, and Lightning nodded. He rushed over to the bathroom, hitting tables the entire way there. Doc watched as Lighting stumbled towards the bathrooms.

“I’ll be right back.” He says, standing up and walking over to the bathroom. He opened the door slowly and heard soft sobs, and some coughing.

“Lightning?”

“Doc?”

“Yea it's me, kid. Are you okay?”

“I drank too much.” Then he threw up again. Doc walked to the stall where Lightning was and sat down next to him.

Lightning's face was a mess, he had tears running down his face, and there was drool on his chin. Doc sighed and rubbed his back.

“I told you not to drink too much.” He says.

“I know.” Lightning let out a sob.

“Are you done throwing up?”

“I think so.” Doc grabs Lightning some toilet paper and throws it at him.

“Here. Clean your face.” Lightning grabs the toilet paper and wipes his mouth and face. He throws the toilet paper in the toilet and flushes it. Lightning stares at the toilet as it flushes.

“I never liked throwing up.” He says.

“Come here.” Lightning turns towards Doc and hugs him.

“That’s what you get for drinking so much.”

“Oh shut up.” Lightning says with a chuckle. He buried his face into Doc’s chest, and Doc rubs his back.

“Why’d you drink so much? Just reckless teen behavior or for a reason?”

“I’m not a teen.”

“You know what I mean.” Lightning goes silent for a moment. Doc wondered if he was gonna answer him or not. He opened his mouth to ask again but Lightning said,

“It was too loud.”

“I thought so. Why’d you come?”

“Because I won.”

“Let me tell you, son, with the number of races I won, I rarely went to parties let alone get super drunk.”

“Wow, you were even boring at my age.” Lightning laughs, and Doc shakes his head.

“So, you gonna explain the whole, too loud thing?” Doc asked. Lightning sighed and said,

“That’s the thing. I don’t really know how to explain it. Like- everybody is talking y’know. And everyone has the moment when things are too loud, but this is where it’s different. For other people, when it’s too loud, it gives them a headache or hurts their ears. For me, it drives me crazy. It echoes in my brain, and it overwhelms me. And then I just want everybody to be quiet so I can have, I don’t know, a moment of peace or something.” He takes a deep breath.

Doc nods.

“I see. What that is kiddo, is a sensory overload.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Red told me before.”

“How? He can’t talk.” Lightning asks, sitting up.

“Sign language kid.” Doc waves his hands around and wiggles his fingers.

“Oh.” He says, tapping his leg with his fingers.

“Why don’t we leave? We can go to the hotel where it’s nice and quiet, and you can relax and stuff alright?” Lightning nods, and hides his face, embarrassed. Why? He really doesn’t know.

“You’re- You’re not gonna tell them the true reason, are you?”

“No, I don’t have to.”

“Okay.” Lightning nods, and grabs Doc’s hand to stand up.

“Can you walk straight?” Lightning wobbles on his feet before walking to Doc, zig-zagging and tripling on the way there.

“Yeah no.” He grabs Lightning’s arm and drags him out of the bathroom. Lightning winced once they left the room. He leaned his head against Doc’s arm.

“We gotta go now. Have a great rest of your night.” Doc said to everyone, knowing that not everyone could hear it. It didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was getting Lightning out of there. They stepped outside and were greeted with crisp air. Lightning shivered.

“It’s cold out here.”

“I know,” Doc said, turning on the car and opening the door. He helped Lighting in before getting on his side.

Doc turned the car on immediately and put the heat on. He muted the radio and looked at Lightning.

“Try going to sleep okay? I’ll wake you up when we get to the hotel.”

“Mkay.” Lightning mumbled softly, closing his eyes and curling up slightly. He rested his head against the car seat. He fidgeted with his pants as he tried to fall asleep. A little shopping trip won’t hurt. Doc thought. He made it to the store and rested his hand on Lightning’s shoulders.

“Hey kid,” he whispered. Lightning tried to shoo his hand away from his shoulders, his eyes still shut. “Kid listen. I’m going into the store real quick. You can stay in the car. I’ll be right back.” Lightning nodded as Doc left the car.

He locked the doors and walked up to the store. He went towards the back of the store. He looked at all the headphones before picking up some noise-canceling ones. He went to the checkout line and waited for the lady to scan the headphones. When she did, he asked,

“Do you think you could open those for me here? The kid is already overwhelmed, and I don't think that opening those would make it any better.”

“Of course, but I need the money first.” Doc nodded with a small sigh. He gave the lady a 50-dollar bill. Of course, there were better, more expensive headphones out there, but these ones seemed good enough for Lightning. The lady printed a receipt and gave it to him. While she looked for a box knife.

She found one and cut the box open. She took the headphones out of the packaging and put them in a bag, alongside the box.

“There you go.” She handed Doc the bag.

“Thank you.” He said, taking it.

“You’re welcome, have a nice night!”

“You too,” Doc said, walking away. He walked out of the store and back to his car. He hopped in and took the headphones out, setting the bag in the back seat.

“Hey Lightning, are you awake?”

“Barely…” he mumbled.

“I got you these noise-canceling headphones. They’re supposed to help with this stuff.” He whispered. Lightning looked over and gently grabbed them. He put them on his head.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Doc said, starting the car. Which Lightning didn’t have a reaction towards. Lightning laid his head back down on the seat, facing the window.

Doc turned some music on because if he was being honest, it was too quiet for him. The volume was low, but at least he had something to tap his fingers to.

They made it to the hotel and Doc shook Lightning gently again.

“Lightning.” He looked over,

“What..?” He mumbled, taking the headphones off.

“We’re at the hotel.” Lightning nodded and got out of the car. Doc grabbed the store bag and left the car too. Lightning put the headphones back on and held Doc’s hand as they walked in. They made it to their room. Lightning immediately plopped on his bed. Doc meanwhile, got some cold water and shoved it in McQueen’s face.

“Drink it.” He said. Lightning stared at him for a moment before realizing what he wanted. He took the cup and drank some water. It felt good down his throat. He sighed and nodded. Doc turned the light off, so the only thing illuminating the hotel room was the bathroom light.

“I’m gonna get ready for bed.” He said, making sure Lightning could read his lips if he knew how to.

Doc got into pajamas and walked into his bed.

“Don’t stay up too late, okay? Get some sleep. Goodnight Lightning.” Lightning watched him as he got into the bed and talked. Lightning understood some of what he said.

“Goodnight.” He said back. He drank some more water and looked around for something to do. He found a notepad and pen and grabbed them. He laid on the edge of his bed and started drawing.

~~~~

Doc opened his eyes and rubbed them. He stretched and looked at the clock. It was 8:45. Not bad he thought. He looked over at Lightning’s bed. He still had his racing suit on. The headphones were right next to him, and he laid on the edge of the bed, a pen near his hand. Doc got up to go to the bathroom. When he was done he grabbed the notepad and looked at it. There were a bunch of sloppy drawings of Lightning himself. Some drawing attempts at his car. And a few of Doc. That made him smile. He looked down at Lightning and watched him for a bit. His back rose and fell as he breathed. His hair looked like a mess. His mouth was slightly open so there was no doubt there was drool there. Doc looked away and put the notepad on the desk.

He turned the Tv on, making sure the volume was low. He clicked through the channels before stopping on a racing one. It talked about yesterday’s race and upcoming interviews with Lightning. Doc smiled and kept looking through the channels. He found a show that looked interesting and started to watch it. Really he was just waiting for Lightning to wake up, so they could get breakfast. Doc managed to watch almost one episode of his show before he heard Lightning groan.

He rubbed his eyes and yawned.

“Ugh… I have a headache.” He mumbled. “What time is it..?” He looked at Doc. Doc looked at the clock.

“9:16.” He replied. Lightning nodded and slammed his head back into the blanket.

“How you feeling, rookie?”

“Okay.” He said. “My head hurts. Also I'm not a rookie anymore.”

“Eh whatever,” Doc shrugged. “You want some medicine or something?”

“Yea…”

Doc got up and went through his bag. He pulled out some aspirin he had packed.

“Here.” He threw the bottle at McQueen. Which hit his arm. He lifted his head up and grabbed the bottle. He opened it up and took some. He popped them in his mouth, and threw the bottle back at Doc.

“Water.” Lightning said, rolling on the bed to the nightstand. He found his cup from last night with a little bit of water in it. He drank it.

“Wanna go get breakfast?” Doc asked Lightning.

“Sure.” He shrugged. They got ready for the day, before heading out.

“Oh, bring those. You never know when you’ll need them.” Doc pointed to the headphones.

“I think you can connect your phone to it and play music through them.” Lightning shrugged with a slight smile, and put them around his neck. The two men made it to a restaurant and ordered breakfast. Doc had eggs and sausage, while Lightning had pancakes.

“So, did those headphones work well?” Doc asked him.

“Yep.” Lightning says, smiling.

“Good.” Doc says, with a small smile.

“Uh..” Lightning started, fidgeting with his fingers.

“Thank you for these. I don’t know if I said that already. But, I like these a lot.” He said.

“No problem kid. Just wanna make sure you’re not too upset y’know.”

“Yeah. Thanks for that.” Lightning says, smiling.

Lightning doesn’t know what he’d do without Doc now. He’s surprised he'd lived so long without him. He grazed his fingers on the headphones, and smiled even more. He looked down at his pancakes and began to eat them.

↯☆~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~☆↯

Thanks for reading! (if you did)

Here’s the ao3 link if you want it for some reason

[killacharacterbingo]

Prompt Master List

(Updated as prompts are added)

If any prompts don't make sense check this post: A prompt explained and A prompt explained II

Switching Places

Near-Death Experience

Drowning

Dumb Ways To Die

Blood Loss

Suicide

Your Worst Fear

Sacrifice

Sickness

Lightning

Fire

Hard Choices

Dead On Their Feet

Hero/Villain Swap

Torture

Crossover

Covid

Tomorrow Isn't Promised

Falling

Presumed Dead

Storm-Chasing

Canon Compliant

Never Meet Your Heroes

Stalker

Dictionary Death

Friendly Fire

13th Reasons Why

Musical Death

Survivor's Guilt

Conversation With Death

Collateral Damage

Test Subject

Pulling The Plug

Yandere

Betrayal

One Punch Can Kill

Medical Malpractice

The Blip

Cast It Into The Fire

"I Have The High Ground"

Deactivated

Once Bitten Twice Shy

Bleeding Blue

To Be Or Not To Be

Stabbing

Car Crash

Mugging Gone Wrong

Into The Woods

Death Of The Soul

Dormammu, I’ve Come To Bargain

The Cake Is A Lie

Even Heroes Die

With Great Power 

Sacrificed To The Gods

“Sometimes Death Is Better”

"I Finally Have Something To Leave Behind"

Natural Disaster

Mistaken Identity

Bucketlist 

Ten Years Later

Not So Secret Monologues

180 - The Character Doesn't Die

Final Destination

Raped To Death

Chronic Illness

Outed As A Spy

Bulletproof Vest

Sung To Sleep Forever 

A Soft Epilogue 

Wait For Me In Valhalla 

“I Was Saving My ten” - pain scale

“There’s A Boat Jack” 

Married Life Montage 

“You Have Your Mother’s Eyes” 

Russian Roulette

Defenestration

Karma’s A Bitch

Toxic Gas

Murder-Suicide

Famous last words

"Hey, i think we're going to be okay after all!"

"I'll always come back!"

In another's arms

Accident

Revenge

"You can rest now..."

A long time ago

Falls through the Ice

Asthma attack

Shock

Hypothermia

Pushed to the Limit

Commotio Cordis

Death row

Breaking the 4th wall

Wikihow to Die

Time loop

“If I can’t have you…”

Cardiovascular collapse

Allergic reaction

Erased from existence

Dead all along

Dying alone

Gunshot

Blood from the mouth

Patient zero

Old age

Overdose

Fatal Weakness

Assassinated

Infection

Suffocation

One moment stretched into a thousand

Origin story gone wrong

Area 51 raid

Trapped in a tiny space

Poison

Hanahaki / Hanakanjo / Hanauso

Tenshibyou

Kousekibyou

Shinshoubyou

Bouaishoukougun

Hoshinamidabyou

Death by ordinary illness

Hit and run

Starvation

Stroke

War

Cancer

Mercy Killing

Plane crash

Brain death

Fireworks

Death by seduction

Death bed confession

Organ Transplant

Their Legacy Is continued

Bound By Fate

Running out of time

Can’t breathe

Apocalypse

Shot down

Sepsis

Saving Throws – DnD

CPR

Self-harm

Smoke inhalation

Death by coconut

“Help me!”

Climbing accident

Blood-stained tiles

“You weren’t meant to be there”

“I love you”

“No… not like this”

Dug their own grave

Undead

Bees

The AO3 Curse

Deathly kiss

Going through hell

Meeting at the gates

Return from Hiatus

"watch out for the flying blades!"

5+1

Roofie

Left for dead

Strapped to a bomb

Hunger games

Zombification

Order 66

Aneurism

Executed

Lobotomy

Murder on the dance floor

Come to terms with death

“It’s okay”

Keeps dying

Letting go

Coma

Appendicitis

Neuromuscular blockade

Unfriendly pet

Explosion

Aftershock

Takotsubo cardiomyopathy

Faking their own death

Post traumatic amnesia

Schrödinger's paradox

Arbitrary hilarious death

Lack of Oxygen

High altitude

Diving deep

180 - the character becomes the killer

Angel of death

"You're going down with me!”

Never got to say goodbye

Graphic gore

Haunted

Calamity

The end of the world

Immortalized

Uploaded to the server

Reincarnated

Deleted

Sheep in wolves' clothing

Electrocuted

Adrenaline crash

911

Alternate universe ending

Radioactive

Acting on instinct

Collapses

“I miss you…”

Those left behind

Wind phone

Life support

Time Paradox

Temporary character death

Death during childbirth

PTSD

Cannibalism

Nightmares

Life flashing before your eyes

… Needs a hug

Headcanon

Returning home

Internal bleeding

Death of the universe

Empath

Relapse

Last person alive

“Sorry I have already tried and failed at it.”

“I told you so”

Should have seen it coming

Bad Aim

Forgotten

“Kill me instead…”

Warning shot

Canon died a brutal yet Necessary death

On the run

Miscarriage

Not guilty

Knocked over by the wind

Killed by a garden gnome

“Did you fall? Or did you let go…?”

Crushed

Bleeding from the ears

Hallucinogen

Buried alive

Blue screen of death

Killed by loved one

Big Bang

Intestinal obstruction

Silence is Going Extinct

Experimental treatment

Horseback riding

Seizure

Radiation

Tetanus

Short Bowl syndrome

Body snatchers

Conscious decomposition

One Chip Challenge

withered away

Detective AU

cat and mouse

Siren calls

SWAT

Chili

Invincible

Cloned

Don’t realize they’re dead

Moments taken for granted

Schadenfreude

Creepypasta

Expired medication

Deal with the Devil

Picking from a different challenge/Event

Heat stroke

Clone farm

Blood clot

ischaemic bowel disease

organ harvesting

extinct

Hernia

necrotizing enterocolitis

Death by unexpected illness

Stillbirth

School shooting

Postpartum infection

Insulin shock

Anatomic hemispherectomy

Emergency Surgery

Euthanasia/assisted suicide

Do not resuscitate

Social media challenge

Cotard's syndrome

Total Laryngectomy

Hospice care

Coin locker baby

Safe Haven baby box

A leap of faith

Drawn out death

Filicide

Reborn

narcolepsy with cataplexy

Devils breath

The fault in our stars

Five feet apart

What if the bad guy, wasn’t the bad guy?

What if the Hero wasn’t really good?

Miraculous recovery

Hallucinations

Plague inc evolved

“You Shall Not Pass!”

stuck in a chimney

fallen in wet cement

Monsters

the death of a streak

Carbon Monoxide poisoning

Transfusion Reaction

Meningitis

Forest fire

Sims death

Impaled

Epilepsy

Heart attack

Death by ball pit

Brain mass on the celling

Bursting

Ransom

Brain worms

Covered in someone else’s blood

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder

Mirror verse

We are all replaceable

What if this was your last fanfic?

Fleeting Immortality

Stunt Double

Uno Reverse

Death confession

Dying on your own terms

Murder confession

“Can you forgive me?”

"I'll be right here when you return”

Nangijala

Tunnel Vision

Paying your respects

[crossroadsdimension]

Fanfic Writing Update

Been a hot minute since I've done one of these....

Distant Cousins -- Chapter 53 of this Trigun/FFVII fic is currently in progress and will be going up late March 2025 (chapter 40 went up last week). My focus has been turning me away from this fic for the last couple months, though, so it might take a while to get back to working on this one. I absolutely intend to finish it, it's just going to take a while to get there.

Parallel Worlds, Different Paths -- a Dissidia/Strangers of Paradise/Mobius Final Fantasy crossover I decided to write on a whim. The last chapter is going up the morning of Oct 17th (so tomorrow, as of posting this). It hasn't gotten a ton of attention, but that wasn't the point of writing it. I just saw similarities and differences between the characters of the different franchises and wanted to just run with something for a little bit.

FFXIVWrite 2024 -- All the Tumblr posts I made during the month of September are going to be edited and posted to AO3 starting in 2 weeks. I've managed to fit them into my every-other-Thursday schedule, which means I'm going to be slowly putting them up over the next several months. With how many projects I have going on at once right now, I don't really have the bandwidth to post these guys daily. So every other week...and then maybe sometimes twice a week, for a couple months in 2025.

Cross Sylvan -- I'm not currently working on this FFXIV series because it'll be uploading once the FFXIVWrite scenes are done; I have a good chunk of the 2.1-2.55 journal entries written, however...and they go well into 2026. So this one's not a priority right now.

A Warrior Returned -- the big FFXIV/Mobius Final Fantasy project. As of right now, I've been working on the base ARR story for a little over a year (as of Oct 1), and I'm almost done with the plot, writing-wise. Just got Wol and his companions to Cape Westwind and what used to be touted as "the toughest fight ever" to sprouts. I just need to watch or play through the solo duty to get an idea of how I'm going to handle writing that, and then I'll be jumping into the last gauntlet of the base game. Current chapter count rests at 98, and it's highly likely that'll go up into the triple digits (readers will be getting ch 45 on the 18th of this month, and ch 98 is going up...end of July 2025). As of this moment, AWR is the longest fic I've written, word count and chapter-wise.

We'll see how it stacks up to Maria's Adventures in the long run series-wise, because I've put a lot of time and effort into the 23 works (and 2 mil words) that my OC-based series now takes up. I mean, I currently have 53 works on AO3. Maria's Adventures takes up almost half of that.

Anyway, I'm going to bed now, because my writing progress is insane and I need to rest my brain before I burn it out. XD

[love-me-a-lotta-whump]

The Guinea Pig Delivery Driver - Black Knight Fanfiction

Whumpees: (GIF above) 5-8 played by (Kim Woo Bin) and (Yoon Sa Wol) played by (Kang Yoo Seok)

Synopsis: After the fall of Cheonmyeong Group and the slow rebuild of Korea’s entire social and physical structures, it wasn’t surprising that there were days and sometimes weeks where the delivery drivers were taskless and bored.

This was one of those weeks. Or at least- it started off that way.

Maturity Rating: Both the drama and this fic are rated 15+

Words: 2,875

Chapter: 1/?

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Kidnapping, Torture, Drugged, Self Sacrifice

MDL link for more information on the drama, itself

AO3 >>> [LINK] -=+=- FanFiction.net >>> [LINK]

NOTE: I will no longer be uploading on FanFiction.net but will continue using AO3. Ty!

After the fall of Cheonmyeong Group and the slow rebuild of Korea’s entire social and physical structures, it wasn’t surprising that there were days and sometimes weeks where the delivery drivers were taskless and bored.

This was one of those weeks. Or at least- it started off that way.

---

Sa Wol and 5-8 had been sparring daily. Multiple times a day. With the delivery truck robberies worsening, it was beneficial to keep up their fighting skills. Due to the country’s restructuring, law enforcement had been stretched paper thin. Because of that, the authorities weren’t doing much about delivery truck robberies. The drivers didn’t mind much at first given that they were already trained to handle these things but the robbers became bolder with every passing day. With no threat of legal action, they would take advantage of drivers. They were beaten within an inch of their lives if they couldn’t fight. They were often kidnapped and never seen again if they couldn’t stay in or get back in their trucks. 5-8 couldn’t let that happen to Sa Wol or… 5-7.

“Hyung, how many do you think I’ve fought before?” Sa Wol dodged a punch, throwing one of his own. It was a damn near daily occurrence for him to ask stupid questions.

“At once or in total?” 5-8 dodged Sa Wol’s fist, backing up towards the ropes in their wrestling ring.

“You know what? Both.”

“Why would I know that?”

“You could guess.” Sa Wol pouted as he was pinned to the ground. It was the third time that day.

“I won’t.”

The two decided to call it for the day, grabbing waters before heading out.

“Wanna hang at my place? We can order in.”

“How about tomorrow night after deliveries?” As much as 5-8 hated to admit it, he enjoyed the happiness on Sa Wol’s face after saying it. It was annoying that he actually liked him. He wasn’t sure how it was possible, though, given how annoying he could be. Damn kid was making his heart all mushy and soft.

------+------

Sa Wol couldn’t help but speed through his deliveries for the day. While there weren’t many, he’d still gotten finished with his workload faster than he thought he would. It was good, though. He needed to clean his place up a little bit before 5-8 came over.

He hopped back into his truck, quickly typing into his screen to start his final delivery of his shift.

“Now to 42, Hangang-daero. Final delivery.” The calm and warm voice of the woman in the GPS rang through the truck’s speakers.

Half way through his drive, he noticed some truck robbers on the side of the road. He quickly pressed on the gas to pass them before they could do anything. He sped past the group, eyeing them in his rear view mirrors to be sure he was in the clear.

He was not.

“What the hell?” He pressed harder on the gas, the screaming engine, the soundtrack to the chase scene playing behind him. He watched as the robbers slowly caught up to his truck, jumping onto it one by one. “There’s no way. They shouldn’t be able to catch up at the speeds I’m doing.”

He tried the maneuver techniques 5-8 showed him the week prior. Luckily a few were falling off but some wouldn’t. That wasn’t the worst part. Some of the ones who fell off quickly got back up and were right back to his truck in no time.

“There’s no way! What the fuck?!” He tried his maneuvers again but with no luck. How were these people falling from a truck going at insane speeds just to get right back up and get on the truck? Why were their arms not broken? Not even a leg? Shit did they at least have a scraped knee? What was going on?

The closer they got to the cab, the more the panic started to set in. These weren’t just your everyday robbers. These guys were on something. He sorta remembered the other delivery drivers talking about a new drug on the market but sometimes they’d exclude him from conversations like that if 5-8 wasn’t there to make them involve him so he wasn’t really sure if that’s what this was.

He switched his gaze frequently between the desert and the robbers on his truck. They made it to the cab. Shit. He watched as they blew three of his tires out. The truck’s alarms went off, the ABS light was the last thing he saw before the truck flipped. Luckily he was strapped in so all he had to do was unbuckle himself and allow himself to fall to the ground or better yet… the driver’s side door. His heart rate spiked and adrenaline flowed like a broken dam while the robbers surrounded the truck. He backed as far away from the windshield as he could. He fumbled through his pockets, finally grabbing his phone.

It works!

He quickly pulled up 5-8’s contact, calling him immediately.

“Hyung! Hyung they’ve surrounded my truck. I’ve never fought this many people before and they’re huge! I think they’re on-” A couple of the robbers broke through the windshield, reaching in towards him. “Fuck! These drugged up robbers just broke through my window I-” One managed to get a hand on his vest. He dropped the phone as he struggled to fight them off. “Get the fuck off! Hyung!” 

Before he could get back to his phone, he was dragged out of the truck over the broken glass and beaten. Between kicks and blows, he watched the robbers turned his phone off. Great. How’s 5-8 supposed to find him?

------+------

“Hyung! Hyung they’ve surrounded my truck. I’ve never fought this many people before and they’re huge! I think they’re on-” A crashing sound was heard. Unmistakably broken glass. “Fuck! These drugged up robbers just broke through my window I-” He heard rustling before a loud thud come through the speakers. “Get the fuck off! Hyung!”

The sound of scraping broken glass pierced through the phone into 5-8’s ear. His eyes darkened as he heard the first blow to Sa Wol’s body. Listening to his painful groans only fueled the growing fire inside of his chest. These people had to be something else for Sa Wol to not be able to defend himself on his own.

He broke into a dead sprint out of the door for his truck. “I’m coming! Stay in the truck if you can!”

The lack of response sent a chill down his spine.

“5-7! Sa Wol!”

The call dropped.

5-8’s heart sank. He felt sick to his stomach as adrenaline surged through his body like wildfire. He had to get to Sa Wol as fast as possible. He was fortunate that the two had deliveries so close to each other all day but if he was headed to his last delivery, he’d be a good few minutes away.

He was there in practically no time but it was already too late. 5-8 took in a half-dead Sa Wol laying next to his truck. He was right. These guys are on some kind of drug because there’s no reason Sa Wol couldn’t have had at least a couple of these guys on the ground. They were all perfectly fine, ransacking the truck.

He approached the truck stealthily, peeking inside. He spared a quick glance to Sa Wol. He’s breathing. Good. He opened fire, hitting as many of the robbers as he could. Some dropped to the ground but some took the bullets like it was nothing. He backed up, heels touching Sa Wol’s torso. If he could do anything about it, they wouldn’t touch him again.

The robbers flew out of the truck like a pack of coyotes out of a cave, laughing and smiling, baring brown and broken teeth. They surrounded the two, causing 5-8 to start circling Sa Wol with his back still to him. All he wanted was to get the kid out of there but if these people were taking bullets the way they were, this was gonna be a fight. And a long one at that.

He began firing again, luckily sending a few to the ground. He dropped the gun once his ammo was out, using his fists and legs as needed. He kept an eye on any that dropped, knowing they might get back up yet hoping they didn’t. He took blows and handed them out.

The problem was, the bastards kept getting up.

He’d called for backup on the way to find Sa Wol but nobody was close. It would be a while before they got there. They were on their own.

After fighting for what felt like an eternity, he was exhausted and these assholes were still rearing and ready to go. Whatever they were on, it was too much. He finally decided he needed to just get enough distance from them to grab Sa Wol and bolt for his truck. Problem was, the kid was still unconscious and even if he was awake, he’d most likely be too weak to run as fast as they needed to. And there’s always the possibility that he has injuries that 5-8 hadn’t known about yet since he had no time or ability to look him over.

Either way, it was looking like that was his best option. He switched from punches to solely kicks, getting the distance he needed. Once they were all on the ground, he took his chance and grabbed Sa Wol. He held him in his arms, running for his truck as fast as he could, the freezing cold air biting into his skin.

As they got closer, he could feel the heat of his still-running truck’s engine. He got the door open, throwing Sa Wol inside. He hated how rough he was but it was either that or get captured.

Captured it was!

He didn’t feel whatever it was that hit him across the head. It just happened. His vision blurred as he fell to the ground. Before he could get up, another blow was sent, sealing the deal and sending him into a deep sleep if that’s what you wanna call it.

------+------

Sa Wol’s whole body ached. He writhed where he sat, slowly opening his eyes, hoping what he had just experienced was a dream. Reality hit him hard as he took in everything around him. The chair he sat in wobbled with every slight movement. It was only then that he’d realized he was chained to the chair. Great. He knew how to get out of different types of restraints and this one was always the worst. The only thing worse than that was seeing 5-8 restrained to a pillar in front of him.

“Hyung. Where are we?” Sa Wol’s voice was deep and raspy with a tinge of pain. Speaking hurt. Hell, breathing hurt.

“It looks like an old office building. It’s not like I could really look. I was too busy trying to make sure you were alive.” 

“Okay first of all, watch the attitude. It wasn’t like I decided to be in this situation. And I could have fought them off if they weren’t on every drug ever manufactured ever.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“Am I? Hyung, look around. We’ve literally been kidnapped and you want to say I’m being dramatic? I feel like you’re underreacting to the situation at hand. But that’s just my opinion.”

“You two are so much fun to listen to.” A disembodied voice echoed through the lobby of the abandoned office building. “Unfortunately we can’t keep cracking jokes. It’s time to get down to business, huh?”

The source of the voice appeared. It was an absolutely jacked specimen of a man stepping out of the dark behind where 5-8 was tied up.

“I’m assuming you’re on whatever those other guys were?” 5-8 didn’t bother to spare their captor a glance.

“Thank you for noticing. Yes! And soon you will be, too! Except it’s my experimental recipe. See, I’m Kwon Seung Woo, the original creator of MT-5 and I’m looking to upgrade but I need new experimental subjects. The others died, unfortunately.”

Sa Wol scoffed, irritating his most-likely bruised lungs but he proceeded to speak despite it. “I actually already have a nice paying job so I’m good. Full time. Benefits. PTO. I appreciate the offer, though.”

5-8 rolled his eyes at the remark. Sa Wol knew it was for sure irritating his hyung but at the same time, the more he spoke, the more attention was on him. If he could make their captor mad, he would go after him instead of 5-8. He couldn’t let them hurt him. He only truly had 2 people left for him in this life and he couldn’t bear to watch that number get cut in half.

“You don’t have a ch-”

“You know what? I’ve actually thought about it. I could be persuaded but for the right cost. How much are you willing to pay me and what are the benefits like? Are there stock options? I may want to invest.”

“You’re a chatty one, huh?” The captor motioned towards Sa Wol, sending fear running through his nerves. Two of his beefed up henchmen approached him, both sending a fist to his ribs. He cried out in pain, doubling over as much as his restraints would allow him. As much as it hurt, his plan was working.

“Hey! Leave the kid alone. I know he’s got a mouth on him but you could easily fix that with a sock. Don’t be lazy.” Shit did 5-8 figure out what his idea was? He needed to step things up.

“If you stick a sock in my mouth, I’ll eat it just to spite you and still have something to say.”

“Kids these days have no manners, huh?” Their captor glanced over to a very visibly angry 5-8. “How about I teach him some?”

That phrase put so much pressure in Sa Wol’s chest, it was like an elephant just sat on him. Or was that from being beaten? Either way, shit was about to hit the fan and he knew it.

All he could do was sit there and take the beating he was given as 5-8 watched, yelling at them to stop. For a brief moment they did, slowly looking over to see him pulling on his chains.

“Whatever you want to do to him, do to me instead. He’s just a kid. He’s too stupid to know when he’s gone too far.”

Sa Wol couldn’t speak anymore, he was in so much pain. He desperately wanted to do anything to redirect their eyes from 5-8, but all he could do was sit in the crumpled up wreckage of what used to be a chair, feeling the wetness of pooling blood underneath him. It was only then that he realized in all the blows he took, one wasn’t a fist, but a knife.

---

5-8 could only watched as they wailed on Sa Wol. He struggled in his restraints, nearly breaking his wrists as he saw the knife come out of someone’s pocket. He watched as it was sent into Sa Wol’s stomach.

Fuck. His escape plan just went out the window, entirely. They needed to get out now. He watched as the blood pooled underneath the kid, snaking through every crack and crevice in the tile beneath them, winding around the chains and crumpled chair. He needed to think of something.

“You got what you wanted from him, now leave him alone.”

“He’s the perfect experiment. With the current state he’s in, I’ll be able to see how well MT-6 can do.”

“Kwon Seung Woo!” 5-8 was even a little shocked at how loud he was. As far as he knew, he’d never yelled like that before.

He struggled in his restraints, feeling blood flow from his wrists while Seung Woo stuck the large needle into Sa Wol’s chest, directly into his heart. All he could do was wait at that point. The kid’s whimpers burned his eardrums. It was one of the worst sounds he’d ever heard. It wasn’t long before the effects were visible.

Sa Wol stood, stumbling a little bit before catching himself. Seung Woo had one of his men cut the chains and before they knew it, both of them were practically sent flying across the room. 5-8 could see how shot Sa Wol’s eyes were. They were out of focus, it looked like.

Kwon Seung Woo and his men surrounded Sa Wol. “Just rough him up a little. I want to see what happens.”

The goons tried attacking him but were met with nasty right hooks and kicks that could kill a normal man. They did what they could but none of them could compete with him. Seung Woo put both of his hands up, having seen what was done to his people.

“Okay. You win. We’ll leave the two of you alone. We’ll go.” He motioned to his men before heading for the door.

5-8 watched on as Sa Wol’s eyes darkened. He looked like a lion locking onto his prey. He’d never seen that look from the kid. Ever.

“No. You won’t.”

------+------

MORE WHUMP LISTS >>> {X}

[honeekyuu]

hey this is the shy anon from the other day that read through your ao3 and i just wanted to stop in and say to take your time and don’t let these anons get to you. i know you’ve been writing on your ao3 for a while now but your tumblr is literally brand new and i’m honestly at a loss for words that you’re already getting rude anons and people pressuring you to post more.

you seem like a really busy gal and i’d hate for demands like that to burn you out. you’re doing amazing and don’t let anybody be an asshole to you. post what you want when you want/can, i’ve seen far too many people give up on fandom because they feel like they have to constantly churn out content to the detriment of their creativity and passion. you’re so talented and based on the frequency with which you’ve been writing in the last few months it seems like you have a fire in your soul for haikyuu. i hate seeing it taken for granted and i just wanted to let you know you have support in doing whatever the fuck it is you want.

(feel no obligation to reply to this, just wanted to offer some support after seeing such atrocious fandom etiquette literal days into the life of this blog)

wow, i really dont know what to say--

i saw this as soon as you sent it in, but i was honestly super shocked that id gotten it, so ive just been sitting here thinking ab it.

it means probably more than you realize that you sent something so kind. i've been writing for a long long time now (both here on a different blog and on ao3), and it's true that i am very busy, because unfortunately being a phd student and running experiments and spending all my time running back and forth between my advisors and conferences and the lab means i have a schedule thats not really a schedule, and i can never really say when or what im going to be inspired enough to write, enough that i can pull myself out of daily burnout. i experience writing droughts often, sometimes lasting up to a year before i feel the urge to sit down with a doc again. and i have a LOT of half-written fics that have never seen the light of day, which i plan to get back to eventually but which, in reality, may never get finished.

ive gotten so much love and support over the years, and it's brought me back to writing every time. i love haikyuu with my soul, and i think about my fics almost every day because i feel a burning need to write them. if not for anyone else, then just for me.

but this blog is brand new, so, even though that anon i received definitely tops the list of unfriendly comments ive gotten over the many years of writing, i wanted to be as kind and accommodating as possible. because i dont want people to think im ungrateful and will ignore criticism, because no one likes those kinds of writers. but i am also a person, and writing is hard, so i think i will continue to do things my way.

my writing style is this, for anyone who'd like to know: i am erratic, and i dont have an upload schedule, because i cant realistically manage one. i have periods of inactivity, because life is hard, and i have periods of hyperactivity, because i love this fandom and the way that haikyuu makes me feel in a life that's full of terrible feelings. this may annoy some people, and i can understand that. but i cant force myself to write if im not in a place to write, and i cant force myself to stick to one fic at a time, because then it'll be clear that it's been forced.

im extremely annoying and unhinged and feral and i will talk about several different fics and smaus and text threads and headcanons all within the same breath. but i will always write what i love, so if you'd like to see work that is well-loved, feel free to stick around.

thank you very much to everyone whos been so kind in my inbox tonight, and i hope to see you all tomorrow <3

[thehaemanthus]

Do you post your writing somewhere to share with other people? Or do you write for yourself and keep it private?

I'm just asking because, if you do post that Feyre space au, I would love to know where I could read it!!

Good vibes and well wishes your way!!

Yes indeed, I do post! I’m VivereLibri on AO3. Most of the time, I post links to uploaded fics here. Sometimes I do forget lol

Feysand space au is a casual, unserious one shot that or may not be ready tomorrow?

No one yell at me about OSS I know I KNOW I needed the mental break

[kloethewriter]

I have so many fricking reacting to cannon stuff on my Wattpad drafts/Notes app! I think I’m ready to post the first chapter to my MCU reaction book, I’m posting it on Wattpad frist and then probably on Ao3 in a week. For one main reason that is I feel more pressure to update on Ao3 than Wattpad. So it will give me more time to work on another chapter. Which I have to say what I’ve written so far I’m actually pretty proud of!

Anyway I was working on another chapter for my ASOIAF reading and was wondering what religon did the Targaryen’s pratice? If anyone knows please tell! I will update if I find out because google and Reddit are giving me different answers! I’m thinking about reading Fire and Blood as well to have a better grasp on Targaryen history. I’ve thrown some names aroud in furture chapters (Dany’s) that I’m working on that really are only a couple of reactions but still getting a head start on them.

Anyway I also am writing a GOT Season 4 reaction! It is not going to be Posted on Ao3 till a while but same with Wattpad! It’s in early development and I started the reactions because I was bored and I always loved when they started mid series that way they had to put together Context clues and makes for bigger reveals. Anyway there will always be updates on that soon!

I’m not sure how to split it up though. I started the book with episode 1 (I haven’t written the Progule yet because that is my weakness) all in one chapter and that will take forever to upload if I do an Hour episode plus reactions (I know because all of my Fix-It succession fics and reaction fics) but if I split it up by everytime it switchs POV’s then it will be a billion chapters!

On personal news tomorrow is my brithday!!!!! Today I’m having a party and then tomorrow evening I’m going to my dad’s house and I get to spend the night and then Friday he took off of work and we are going to go to the fancy movies (4dx, Imax, etc.). We are going to see Barbie and Oppenheimer!

I’m personally more excited for Barbie and my dad wants to see Oppenheimer! I got a whole outfit for Barbie that I might post on here since it’s fan stuff and honestly this blog is a lot more like what I post on my personal blog except I don’t vent there a lot I just reblog random stuff.

Also I got into to listening to Friemies (I think I told you guys that already though).

Anyway I also posted an old Game Of Thrones oneshot and will proably post another one soon!

I need to post more promotoing my writing and other stuff but I get so uninspired on Tumblr sometimes unless I vent.

Love you guys!❤️

-Kloe

[frogsandfries]

I did a few squares of my Titania and Oberon diamond painting today. It's probably the closest to confetti that I've come yet.

I'm rather excited to see the new diamond painting that I bought. It was one of the mystery paintings from Diamond Art Club, the one by Zielinska. I like to guess what they are so my guess is Her Own Funeral.

I know the grim-dark isn't usually my thing but I was curious to try a mystery kit (I also considered going to a mystery movie advanced showing on Monday, since that's my Saturday, but...........I really can't decide) and if the options, any of the possibilities or it could be, I was fine with. Versus the other option that's been on my mind and in the shop for at least a couple months, but what if it's not the Headless Horseman and I hate it.

I also did a bit of typesetting, and a bit of work with Darger, but I needed a break from Darger for a bit, so I switched to the diamond painting. I was thinking how interesting it would be to grid this mystery kit into 25×25 drill squares, like I did to Titania, because I knew I would just get completely overwhelmed if I just went at it.

But this time, I could start by filling every other square

It looks like the new diamond painting might get delivered tomorrow, which is exciting, even though I don't currently possess any containers to kit it out into. I could definitely run to the dollar store for some.....

Sometimes transcribing Darger feels sisyphusian and pointless. Which I think I've expressed a lot. Also, I've started pondering the provenance page should say. What is the actual word for what that page is?

I don't know why I feel so overwhelmed about Dolorine. The truly overwhelming ones are...... all the rest. The typewritten ones. We have so much degradation, blowout. I kind of wish I had the time and money to at least get a proxy to track down Darger's notebooks and find a fucking way to photograph every single last page. I can't even really seem to figure out who actually holds them right now, just bullshit about his distant relatives wanting their fingers into the Darger pie. Jokes on them, I'm also releasing the PDF free to print as well as uploading it to AO3. Mostly, I'm PoD'ing it because I can?? Mostly for myself. I don't see many people having such an interest, so I don't really see having much reason to worry?? Plus, as far as I can tell, this is completely never done before, and thus, I feel like there isn't really much to worry about??

[corneroffandom]

Weekly Writing Update #57 (August 7th, 2023)

It's been quite the week! Late update because I went out of town for Dreamwave Wrestling this weekend, where I met Matt Cardona and Mickie James. They were very nice, I'll have to do something like that again sometime soon-ish. But anyway, yeah, so writing. I finished the raffle stories! Yay. And I'm still close to finishing the original story, it just needs the epilogue right now. I was going to write while in Lasalle, but I ended up overpacking as it was and didn't have space for my laptop, so this week has been pretty poor, word count wise. That's ok, though. I'll get some sleep tonight and hit the ground running on writing tomorrow! For now though, i have to finish this and upload it before I DO fall asleep, lol. Catch y'all next week.

Back to Basics: 385 World Wrestling Digidestined: 265 Encontrar una Manera: 306 Encontrar una Manera bonus story: 0 Original story: 51 raffle story 2: 492 raffle story 3: 1144 New Years drabbles: 0 Sixteen: 0 Renatus: 0 Passenger: 0 Evidence: 0 In total: 2643 Annual Word Count: 91375 New fic plot notes: 1 Team Work chapters booked: 0 Old fics uploaded to AO3: 0

Find me on Ko-fi at https://ko-fi.com/corneroffandom Any questions or comments, please let me know!

[guqin-and-flute]

good ol' 69

69. I Will Do Better In the Morning by Birdtalker

[Good ol’ 69 😂 Oh, this has always been one of the quintessential JGY songs to me, so I'm choosing him for this. There's no way I can do all the parallels in the lyrics full justice in such a short little thing and I wandered a little because plot, but I'm going with Vibes™. This will definitely not be the last time I use this song to write him. 3zun Raise Jingyi AU, somewhere in the middle, timeline not solidly defined. Just...sometime in there.]

[CW: Mention of physical abuse via Madam Jin and JGS, brief foray into sexual content, non-graphic flashback, mild self harm (biting inside of his cheek), JGY just generally having a bad time mentally and trying to muscle his way through it]

“You don’t seem well.”

Jin Guangyao opened his eyes, wearily. Looking up, he saw Su Minshan watching him with more than a little concern, hovering at the threshold of their meeting room. Taking a moment, he simply gazed at him; empty of emotion or intention, just so…tired. Then, he smiled. “What do you mean, Minshan?”

“You look exhausted. I know you work too hard.” The man took a step in toward him, expression one of earnest. “We can postpone tomorrow, I know how meeting with Chengmei drains you–even if he behaved tonight.”

“It’s nothing troubling,” Jin Guangyao responded easily.

He still sat at the table Xue Yang had recently vacated, strewn with Wei Wuxian’s notes and schematics, forgotten tea and dinner long cold by his elbow. It would taste revolting now and his stomach turned over at the very thought of it. Perhaps it had something to do with the resentful energy lingering in the air from the prototype of Xue Yang’s copycat Stygian Tiger amulet, still souring on his tongue.

He knew that there had to be exhaustion plain on his face. There was never any angle to Minshan and his conversations with him, just sincerity. It was almost a relief that he had seen it–just to have it recognized was…something. And it was certainly a relief that it was him who saw it; because he was not Er-ge, who would worry overmuch and try to root out the cause to fix. He was not Jin Guangshan, who would snort derisively and ask if he has demanded too much of him–that is, if he deigned to notice at all. He was not A-Fu, who might get into any number of “helpful” schemes to try to make him feel better. And he was not Zixuan or Jiang Yanli, who might be moved to intervene on his behalf and request that his father relieve him of some of his duties, and so complicate the whole mess of everything.

It meant nothing that Minshan knew that he was tired. The man was too devoted to him to do anything other than try to help without demanding he change anything. He was not one who would push the balance of things too off kilter with his worry, and so it was permissible to accept.

“Jin-er-gongzi,” Minshan said, quietly, tone almost reproachful at his attempt to dodge the conversation. “You truly do look unwell.”

Jin Guangyao let his eyes close again. His hand crept up to his ribs, massaging the ache there that rose with fair regularity, from cold or exertion or–as he was learning–the ache of resentful energy. Invisible scars, hiding in his hip, ribs, and shoulder, reminders of being kicked down the stairs of Koi Tower.

He was now in the heart of it, the bowels of Koi Tower, buried in a hidden basement corner hidden from prying eyes, dirtying himself with every foul thing his father asked of him. He didn’t regret it. He didn’t resent it. He couldn’t, not when he had worked so hard to get here. This is what he wanted.

And yet.

“…I’m just tired. I’m fine. There’s nothing for it.”

“You could rest. Don’t you have…company coming?” Su Minshan struggled with this last, his annoyance and disgust lemon-bitter in his voice.

Xichen was indeed visiting tonight, stopping over for the night on his trip to retrieve Fufu from Qinghe. But his distaste for Jin Guangyao’s love abruptly heightened his exhaustion to an untenable degree. He didn't want to perform this particular navigation, as kind as Su Minshan’s concern was otherwise. He wanted to be alone.

Opening his eyes, he made a show of gathering all the papers into a neat pile before standing. “I do. I should actually go and begin preparations.”

Minshan wilted. He was clearly crestfallen at the obvious dismissal, and so Jin Guangyao softened it. Smiling, he met his gaze. “Truly, I’m fine. But I think that postponing the meeting tomorrow is wise. It will give me time to ruminate. And maybe I will rest.” And maybe he actually would. He tilted his head. “Thank you, my friend.”

The man returned a troubled smile and bowed. Then, he left

That evening, when he greeted him, catching him up in their ritual bow, “A-Yao, you’ve been working too hard again,” were the first words out of Er-ge’s mouth.

He had to smile--a real one, if an exhausted one. Would it do anything to lift whatever pallor he had been apparently unable to banish with his afternoon meditation? “Do I look that awful?”

“A-Yao never looks awful.” His return smile was soft and knowing. “Just worn out. Do you have any duties to attend to?”

Turning, Jin Guangyao inviting him to follow through the grand entry gates with the angle of his shoulders as he answered, “I don’t.” He smiles back up at him. “The night is ours.”

“Ah, good.” In the dimness, the deep violet and pink of the setting sun, Xichen smoothed his palm over his shoulder blades. “Then I can take care of you.” The velvet slip of Xichen’s voice sent a shiver down his back, though Xichen’s face betrayed nothing salacious at all. It was an invitation, not a promise, for Xichen never assumed he will want sex–but all at once, even in his exhaustion, Jin Guangyao was eager for it. For him.

He let Xichen see it in his eyes, in the darkness between the lanterns of the boulevard in front of the massive main hall, burning and intent. “I would like that, Er-ge.”

Luckily, he only bruise he currently had was hidden on his scalp, the bloom of it masked by neat hair, and so he could make love to Xichen tonight without fear of any unanswerable questions.

At his answer, the tips of Xichen’s brows caught the warm light when they lifted, his kind smile widening to secret impishness--and how Jin Guangyao loved that he was among the few that got to see this side of him. So often Er-ge only got to be the responsible and measured Clan Leader. One had to be allowed close to fully enjoy the gift that was him allowing himself to be playful. "I believe I would as well, A-Yao."

Oh, he had missed him.

Retreating to his rooms, they both bathed, separately–Xichen to maintain Lan cleanliness after his long journey from Gusu and Jin Guangyao to rinse the last of the resentful energy from his skin. It wouldn’t do to be caught out for such a careless mistake.

Not when everything else felt like it was slowly narrowing down.

(The whispers. The dirty looks. Mingjue violently opposing Xue Yang, the Watchtowers, his very existence. His father pressing for the Stygian Tiger Amulet to be perfected. The way he talked about Mingjue as a problem to be solved. Jin Guangyao could feel something coming to a head. Something that had dread tangling in him.)

He frowned, flinching away from this thought. He knew better than to let such things into his time with Xichen. His weariness must really be getting the better of him.

It was comfort he sought when he returned to his bedroom and pressed a very nearly naked Xichen back against his bed, kissing him. His skin was soft and damp, his mouth welcoming. Warmth from his own bath and fatigue weighed Jin Guangyao down like lead blocks, but he would have this. He wanted this.

(He just wanted to be happy. To feel happy. For once.)

Beneath him, Xichen hummed against his lips, pleased.

(There are times when it perched on his lips. When it almost came out–-all of it. He almost begged for forgiveness and options and help. He almost lost himself in Xichen and almost believed that the secret pain of all this could be unraveled with a simple tug. That that would even be the right choice. That this was not the only happiness he could cling to. The aura of Xichen’s love, the crisp, clean air waft of his power and understanding made Jin Guangyao ache to move into the space that is Er-ge’s A-Yao. To fully be that man. He wanted. He wanted.)

He settled down onto his elbows, closer, burying his fingers in the spread halo of his thick, damp hair. Xichen opened his mouth. Heat bloomed between them both.

(He didn’t. He didn’t want to be that. He had what he wanted.)

Xichen's hand slipped up into his loose shirt, smoothing down his side.

(He was useful. He was doing what was needed.)

Rolling his shoulders back, he shrugged the shirt off. His ribs twinged. His breath caught, just a moment. Xichen paused.

(He had exactly what he had always wanted. Nothing less. This is what you wanted. What you promised.)

“A-Yao?” It was quiet and questioning, a whisper against his lips.

Frustration grated in Jin Guanyao’s jaw and he ducked down, kissing Xichen’s throat, pressing quiet negation there.

(“You don’t get to play the victim, here,” Madam Jin had snarled.)

His ribs stabbed again, sharper, pinching.

(Shame. You are shameful.)

A chain reaction, rattling back, flashes only. Chifeng-zun kicking him to the ground.

His side ached.

“Did you pretend to be delicate and poor?”

The brothel.

(This is what happened when he didn’t file it all away; he wasn’t able to experience joy in any partition of his life. They would bleed and contaminate and render him useless.)

He fought to breathe against the squeeze, teeth bared against Xichen’s collarbone. He wasn’t touching him anymore, hands held carefully apart. Jin Guangyao hated it.

(Darker things. He hated it here.)

“Do you need–-”

“No.” A lie. The heat was gone. Bereft.

“A-Yao, it’s alright.”

With a frustrated, wordless hiss, Jin Guangyao rolled off onto his back and closed his eyes. Teeth set so hard on the inside of his cheek he tasted metal. Xichen never touched him until he asked, when this happened and he wanted. He reached out a hand, blindly, felt him take it up, another pressed to his cheek. Jin Guangyao didn’t want to see what face he was making down at him. Disappointment. Pity.

“Oh, love.”

He was being ugly when Xichen deserved beauty and-–and-–

“Shhh.” His hands, warm from the bath, warm from them smoothed over his forehead, so slowly.

“I want to,” he forced out, because he did. He had.

It just sounded strangled.

The hand stroking his forehead didn’t even pause. “If you’d like, we can try again later. Maybe the morning. But we don’t have to. I’m happy just being with you.”

“I hate this,” Jin Guangyao whispered rigidly.

“I don’t.” He was soothing, hand now coming down to slowly rub his bare sternum in gentle, unsuggestive circles. “I have you here. There is nothing more I need.”

“You don’t deserve….”

Gently, with each word picked out as clearly as a star against the night, he said, “I deserve what you are able to give me. Nothing more.”

The raw and guilty clench in his gut, the hidden resonance Xichen had somehow made ring with his words had Jin Guangyao nauseous. He deserved so much more. If he ever knew….

He must never know.

(Try.)

Rolling back, he buried his face in Xichen’s thigh. Let him stroke his hair.

He was so tired.

[neverendingford]

.