#I need to go lie down right now
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Ohhhhhh my God!! This was so hot and good, Nicole!!! The way you described the scene and all your words flowed like a dream. I need another part! 🫠🫠🫠 Marcus Pike is a menace! Everyone go read this right now!! I am not okay! 🥵 Love my writing bestie 🥰
🌊 Beach Babe 🌊
Pairing: Marcus Pike x Female Reader
Rating: 18+
Word Count: 1.5k
Summary: There’s no summary, this is just you and Marcus having a hot one night stand on the beach. It’s all corn, no plot
Content Warning: oral (m receiving), fingering, unprotected p in v, praise kink (duh, have we met?), dirty talk
AN: This is my entry for the beautiful @mermaidgirl30’s Ocean Challenge. She is usually my beta but I wanted to surprise her so this is not beta read or proof read really, but it’s not like the internet is forever or anything haha. Dividers by @saradika-graphics. Friendly reminder that I’m no longer doing a tag list, please follow @mountainsandmayhem-updates for updates 🙂
“You can do it, baby. Yeah. Fuck, just relax your throat.” His voice is a heady whisper. You squeeze the meat of his upper thigh like he showed you and he pulls you off of him. Salvia and pre cum falling onto your tits, the triangle cups of your wet swimsuit are tucked underneath them, holding them high for the stranger that just had his dick pressing against the back of your throat.
His thumb reaches down and swipes across your swollen bottom lip. “Good girl,” he praises. “Let me know when you're ready for more.”
You haven’t even caught your breath yet and you’re already nodding your head, you’re not above begging if that’s what he wants. “More. Now. Please, I want more.”
His hands tangle back into your hair, he looks around the sand dunes and tall grasses that keep you somewhat protected to ensure you don’t have any visitors before he thrusts roughly into your mouth. You hold back a gag, closing your eyes and trying to breathe through your nose.
“Fuckfuckfuck,” he whines softly when you push your tongue past your bottom lip to swipe your tongue along his balls. He yanks you off him and you gasp out, sucking in the cool salty air of the ocean just behind you.
“Fuck me,” you coo, pulling at the baby pink drawstrings that are holding up your bottoms. They fall to the soft sand with a wet smacking sound. His eyes fall to the apex of your thighs and he licks his lips hungrily.
“Get on all fours, now.” You smile at the rough commanding tone, spin your ass towards him and get on your hands and knees. He lets out a groan as you arch your back enticingly.
When Pike was assigned a new trainee in California he wasn’t overly thrilled about it. He had finally settled in DC after what he’d been through the last time he was in this state. However, ego aside, he was the best in the country at this job, and the training would only take a few weeks. The guy he was training had an impressive resume, he was probably more educated on art than Pike himself. He didn’t want to think about that now though, he’ll meet him tomorrow. Right now he wants to focus on this insatiable ball of need that was pushing her pert little ass out at him. He’s not sure what came over him when he saw you sitting in the sand, but he knew he would be fucking you before he left, and with the beach pretty much deserted as the sun started to set he made his move.
“I’m Elle,” you had said as you shook his hand, biting your bottom lip.
It wasn’t long after he said his name was Marcus that the two of you were ducking between the dunes and grass and he had his swollen cock rammed down your throat.
He lowers himself to the sand, tracing a thick finger through your folds, spreading your wetness. He swirls your clit and you cry out in pleasure, “Gotta be quiet for me, sweet girl.”
You nod and hum in agreement as he slips two fingers deep inside you. To stay quiet you focus on your breathing. Short, laboured breaths in and out, in and out. He twists his wrist to be palm down, watching the way your tiny pink entrance sucks at his fingers, the way your juices squeeze out, and then he curls his fingers forward and every nerve in your body tingles. Marcus has never had an issue finding that spot before.
You gasp, the salty air burning your lungs as you try to keep your noises to nothing but hushed whimpers. “Good girl. Stay quiet. That’s it.”
He picks up the pace, pushing and pushing on that spongy spot inside you before bringing his free hand around, his middle finger easily finding your swollen clit. Your arms buckle at the pleasure of it all, landing on your elbows, opening yourself up to him more. You bite the skin of your forearm as the pleasure starts to reach its peak.
“Come on, you can do it. I can feel how close you are. Squeezing my fingers so tight. Let go, baby, let go.”
Just as you start to come he pulls his fingers out and slams his rock hard cock inside of you. The welcome stretch has you coming harder than you ever have before, back arched like you’re in some sort of tantric yoga pose. His cock is so buried so deep that you can feel it pressing into your cervix. He doesn’t stop the tight circles of your clit as you clench around him tightly, body twitching and legs shaking at the feel of him.
You thought you were just going to have a relaxing evening on the beach, a nice way to celebrate the promotion you recently received at work. Truthfully, what better way to celebrate than being fucked into oblivion by a handsome stranger.
As your orgasm begins to morph into overstimulation you release you teeth from your forearm, deep red and purple marks left behind. You voice comes out breathy and you almost don’t recognize it as your own, “Fuck me now. Just fuck me. Please.”
“Not gonna last long,” he says as he pulls out to the tip and thrusts hard back into you.
“I don’t care, just fucking give it to me, Marcus.” His hands grip your hips tightly as he repeats the same motion. Pulling out torturously slow, allowing you to feel every ridge and vein of his heavy cock, before he slams back in.
“Ready?” He hums, his hips pressed firmly to your ass.
“Yesss,” you whisper.
He starts to really fuck you. Its fast and hard and with every thrust you can feel his dick swelling bigger. He bruises the walls of your slick pussy with the pace he’s setting, all while whispering praises about how good you are and how well you're taking him. “Should see how much this little pussy loves being stretched. She’s crying for me, baby.”
“Cum all over my back. I wanna feel it.” You moan.
“Fuckfuck - oh god, such a good girl for me.” He pulls out roughly, strings of your arousal and his pre cum keeping you connected temporarily before he grips his cock and pumps into his fist.
You look over your shoulder to watch him. He looks wrecked, his outgrown hair all messy, eyebrows fused together as he looks at your ass with glazed over eyes. With a shuddering breath he comes, coating your ass and back in warm white ropes of cum. He sits back on his heels and admires his painting. Smirking to himself he says, “Look like a work of art, baby.”
After a few calming breaths he grabs your swimsuit bottoms and wipes off his cum. “Stay here,” he says, slipping his red swimsuit back on and after a careful look around he jogs over the sand dune. You stay there, almost fully naked with your ass in the air waiting for him.
Marcus rinses the cum off your bottoms in the ocean and then jogs back to you. He helps you up and watches you put your swimsuit back on. As you grab your cover up from your bag he says, “Well, that was fun. Unexpected, but fun.”
“I agree,” you say, feeling your cheeks warm.
“I’m - umm, well I’m just visiting for a few weeks but if you wanted to see each other -“
You cut him off, “You don’t have to do that. It’s really ok if this was just a one time thing.”
He nods.
You grab your stuff and after you two smile at each other sweetly you turn to start to walk back to your condo.
“Elle,” he calls after you. You stop and turn to face him. “What if I don’t want this to be a one time thing?”
You laugh and shake your head. You call back, “Then you better be at the beach tomorrow around eight.”
When you wake in the morning you can still feel the dull ache of Marcus all over your body. The back of your throat, in between your thighs, the bite mark on your arm and the small bruises on your hips. He’s still everywhere and you relish in it.
You start your new job today, so after finding a long sleeve blouse to cover your teeth marks, and doing your best to look both professional and serious you head to your new office building.
You trace your fingers over the nameplate on your door. They’ve used your full name and you’ll have to ask them to update that to Elle, people always assume things when they see your full name.
You put your bag down and log into your computer just as you hear a soothing, deep and friendly voice travel down the hallway.
“Good morning. I’m looking for Elliot Hall. I’m supposed to be training him for the next few weeks.” Your spine stiffens. You know that voice.
No way. There’s no way.
The receptionist giggles, “Elliot is a female. Her office is second door on the right. She just got in.”
His shoes click on the hardwood of the hallway, each step closer has your heart racing. There’s a quiet knock on your open door and when you look up you lock eyes with Marcus.
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You'd think the worst part of being immunocompromised would be catching All The Things, but honestly, the actual worst part is not being able to visit very sick loved ones because they're afraid of you catching the sickness :(
#i just discovered an hour ago that my mother was hospitalized last night and my dad mentioned 'the ambulance gave us nebulizer equipment'#by force of will i didn't say 'WHAT ambulance?!' because they don't need more anxiety right now#they were driving home together and my mother sounds awful and said she still didn't feel like she was breathing properly#dad was like 'she's really tired so i was thinking of giving her the nebulizer and getting her to lie down'#me: 'WHAT NO KEEP HER UPRIGHT' /calms slightly 'and tell her to take her nebulizer and be careful and i love her.'#'but seriously. don't let her lie down and don't let her go to sleep.'#i hate her pathetic fucking doctor so much though#she was doing better after i bullied her into seeing an asthma specialist but she caught some awful ... something and then this happened???#anghraine babbles#asthma
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Inspired by this post: give Bruce a star sapphire ring
I've never met anyone who cared as deeply for his fellow man as Bruce Wayne
#imagine with me an 18 year old Bruce standing at the mouth of The Alley on the night of The Anniversary#he holds two roses in his hand. he isn't sure if he wants to run away or lie down right there more.#and then a shooting star drops out of the sky#and it hovers in front of him#and says 'for hearts long lost and full of fright'#and 'for those alone on blackest night'#and Bruce accepts the ring and the oath#it's one he already swore to his parents anyway#i mean he's still gonna do his world tour training#he's not gonna be caught unable to fight if he loses the ring or it runs out of power!#also i think he's uh. not exactly like. connected with any of the other star sapphires much#so like he really has no idea what's going on#he's heard of green lantern#he figures he's a purple/violet/starsapphire lantern#but like he also isn't exactly. introducing himself much#gotham kids call him the star man#gotham goons call him the violent lantern#yes he would be much stronger in a group of star sapphires#no he isn't gonna do that though#and i mean fair i guess#he's a mid or even low powered compared to other purple lanterns#but there aren't any other lanterns in Gotham. and he doesn't need his ring for most of his fights anyway.#'oh pocket there's already a starman in-' shh. that's why it's star dash man. random Gotham kids also don't know don't care#ok I'm gonna go back to work now ughhhhh#my art#Alt text#why does anyone even live in gotham#Bruce Wayne
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Daniel was third fastest (after NOR and VER) in sectors 1&2. Truly a case of what could have been, should have been
#I need to go lie down somewhere#I can’t imagine how frustrated he must be right now#brazil23#daniel ricciardo
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anyway i swept the leaves out of my garage and built a shelf and those two actions were enough to leave me too tired to do anything about the fact that now there are two shelves in my room that only has room for one of them
#ragsycon exclusive#inside you there are two shelves#one was the right depth but was made out of cheap particle board and was literally collapsing under the weight of all my books#the other is an industrial strength workshop shelf but the shelfs themselfs are too deep and now rigatoni's tank is entrenched in shadows#so i have to get a lighting system set up for my boy i guess#but i don't have the beans to go back out to the hardware store so i have to hack something together with what i have in my house#and my display shelf that was on my old shelf is now the top shelf of my new one which is higher than eye level#so i need to figure out some sort of riser system so i can see anything i even put up there#not to mention find a home for my old shelf#all this to say; i'm sitting here typing this instead of doing all that#because i'm tired#but i can't lie down because my bed is covered in half the shit i pulled off my old shelf and haven't put on the new one yet#march of the gladiators dot mp3
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OH. OH GOD NO. OH FU-- JESUS NO
guys im losing it im fucking losing it jean is wearing richard's ring in this scene
GUYS I'M LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND I CANNOT TAKE THIS IT HURTS TOO MUCH
#fuuUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK#just stab me in the fucking heart jean just go ahead i dont need it anyway god fucking damn#idk if it's the loss of katie hood or me completing hot tub on the mesa or me being egregiously ill right now#but this one hits different.#like she's been wearing it off and on since 2021 so it's nothing new but like#just knowing that she felt she needed to have richard with her in *this* scene i--#and how she just drops into character and springs back out of it like holy jesus wat da fuq#but alSO HEARING HER CRY DOES TERRIBLE THINGS TO ME I NEED TO LIE DOWN#im just gonna tag this and be done for the day my heart can't take any more fangirling at the moment ok bai#hacks hbo#deborah vance#jean smart
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So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.
Julian Bashir.
From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.
This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."
This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.
Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.
Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.
#i've called julian jules before simply as a normal nickname but i don't think i ever will again. not after this#and knowing that if it had been possible i would have probably gone the way jules did. knowing that at his age i would have gone willingly.#fuck dude i am literally actually crying literal tears irl right now this is not a joke#fuck!!!!!#julian bashir#jules bashir#doctor bashir i presume#came back wrong#star trek deep space nine#HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD!! HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD AND THEY KILLED HIM!!!!#i cannot stop crying i am literally crying and like not even just a little#i cannot... poor julian how the FUCK do you ever come to terms with something like that#and like... julian remembers. he has most if not all of jules' memories and also knows he was murdered simply for not being julian#like how did he cope#(im about to go off on a tangent that will contain censored names for the sake of not clogging those tags if you dont know who i mean hmu)#like this is literally the thing that fucked up j*ran so bad he went on a murder spree isn't it#he remembers the one who came before who was killed. very different circumstances of course esp since tr*ll are expected to replace one ano#another but he remembers this person he remembers BEING this person who was young and simply enjoying life and who died a sudden death and#he remembers the experience of that death as well and how it lead to his own creation. it's not remotely similar ofc but considering that#the only time we see t*rias in alpha canon is in julian's body... i need to lie down for a moment.#and jor*n couldn't cope! he couldn't! it was far too much and the weird thing is right now in this moment i GET it y'know?? like that's#so horrific. and i haven't watched any jo*an episode besides facets yet but do you think. do you think j*dzia told julian about all this an#he nodded along and kept composure and then when he was alone he broke down crying? like julian you're doing SO well ily you're coping and#you shouldn't have to obviously but you do nonetheless!! do you think julian still has something from jules? like i've heard there's a tedd#but i mean jules prolly didn't keep a diary he was a six year old with an intellectual disability it's pretty unlikely he could write but#does julian have drawings made by jules? i'd like to think so but honestly his parents probably threw them out. like they also moved so#sorry i'm just. many thoughts head full. ive stopped crying now but who knows for how long. also i'll have to tag this with my original tag#maybe i should've picked something less silly for when i make serious posts but like what am i gonna change my url as well? don't think so#original posts fresh from quark's pussy#and thats the tag limit folks it's been fun. i had to delete two other tags but my god. anyway. thinking about jules bashir forever & cryin
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if u ever hear a little voice in your head telling u to reread the silmarillion. that’s the devil talking
#and the devil’s name. annatar aulendil#i finished jingo & the fifth elephant & night watch & the wee free men & a hat full of sky while the power was out#i won’t lie they are enjoyable. but they are also potato chips#i need to read something where everyone has eight different names and the degree of cousincest occurring is politically relevant#need to watch a bunch of assholes commit like five different tactically inadvisable crimes against humanity in a row#but not actually the silm i don’t need to go down that rabbithole right now. what have i got on my tbr ...#laurelnose.txt
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benny.jacobs on instagram story!
#i am not normal about this. at all#hello#hiiii#oscar.#logan#oscarlogan#loscar#hi#i need to lie the FUCK down#op81#guys im so so unnormal about this right now#im going insane#oscar piastri#logan sargeant#piastri#oscar#f1#formula 1
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Words cannot describe the emotions that surged within me when my 30-year-old chronically offline brother texted me this today
#Seta Speaks#Me: 'Happy KinkTOB-- oh wait. That makes more sense.'#My heart fullass nearly stopped when I saw this I deadass thought my brother was wishing me a happy goddamn Kinktober#A holiday that only exists on the portions of the internet I inhabit#And a holiday that is coincidentally going on right now#I need to lie down
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Dont be angry, Finnula said. Be smart.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Finnula#no spoilers pls first read along w me chapter spoilers in post & tags below w more annotations/quotes/notes/reacts/perspective 3 of 4#The City of Rivers… can Aelin get a City of Fire? cuz that would be cool & Elide already said “fear was another companion it can’t be worse#IT WAS LORCANS SHIRT😭 & he cared so much he lied so she’d use it from Gavriel/Rowan😭 OH ELORCAN😭😭😭#Yet this place seemed like a paradise. WHATS REAL? is it a Maeve illusion… but it sounds lovely; like Rowan could just fly around😭#Pink and blue flowers draped from windowsills; little canals wended between some of the streets ferrying people in bright long boats.#And though a good dose of fear would aid in her cover too much would spell her doom. -smart clever spy gal Annabeth Chase would be proud#And this city Rowan had told Elide had been built from stone to keep Brannon or any of his descendants from razing it to the ground.#when u know ur evil cuz you had to build in a backup plan for the day Brannons peeps eventually come to shut that shit down… my poor Aelin#Elide fought the limp that grew with each step farther into the city--farther away from Gavriel's magic… or Lorcan’s👀😭🖤🤨#okay Elide I see your mirror mirror Aos moves with the berry listen and compact trick she can do it with a broken heart#cycle. She hadn't been able to find the words anyway. Not with what it would crumple in her chest to even think them. WELL NOW IM CRUMPLED#As if she'd been weeping for weeks… yeah that fits the KoA vibes#But it wasn't the reflection she wanted to see. But rather the square behind her. — BRILLIANT QUEEN — lol thx Lorcan for having a mirror#if only anything could be a witch mirror then they could all cell chat and communicate cause the travel time in this one is rough#she was merely staring into a compact mirror no more than a self-conscious girl trying to fix her frazzled appearance — she is the best spy#A girl trying to muster some dignity. Let them see what they wanted to see-A girl far out of her element in this lovely well-dressed city#cornflower blue ALWAYS THESE SHADES#her golden-brown skin shone with an inner light. Her eyes were soft with kindness. And concern.#had always made them foolishly off guard and eager to get away. To tell her what she needed to know. — funny 2 watch Elide do this after HoF#The sort of voice Elide had always imagined great beauties possessing the sort of voice that made men fall all over themselves.#Cairn. One of the males swore; the other scanned Elide from head to toe. But the two females had gone still. — agreed he’s the worst#the portrait of hope—yeah child’s right cause no—Elide always naming people—If you escaped Cairn don't go looking for him again.—true#Cairn is blood-sworn to our queen. Still makes him a prick TRUTH — doesn’t need to be a far to catch the lie — WHERE IS SHE DAMNIT#She was about to do it again wheen… The dark-haired beauty from the tavern was standing behind her. — SHIT#Maeve was not in Doranelle. How long would that remain true? Had to make the next performance count. — how many had she done this already?🥹😭
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i think no matter what else i see him in, steve blum will always be my bestie oghren
#(derogatory)(affectionate)#watching cowboy bebop right now lmao. but also i never watched toonami or anything#also i was today years old when i realized he also voiced irving??? i need to go lie down#i thought i was good at clocking people’s voices#personal.txt
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(in order) character designs by alittleindigo, sapphicmelissa113, homeostasis, oddpoppet, homeostasis again, cybebully, clownty_hunter, leanmeangenie, ilios
art fight 2023 wrapup! at the start of this month i had the vague goal of beating my record number of attacks by one or two and ended up nearly doubling it. i am confused and exhausted and will never reach that level of productivity again. anyway congratulations to werewolf team bc we definitely destroyed the opposition. much love
also my commissions are open as always! if you're interested, these attacks are a decent snapshot of the kind of stuff i make 💖
#this was the year of purple apparently#art fight#had a great time as usual but this year art fight was Actually the best#because i was really going through it june and july and having something to focus on helped me immensely#so if you participated this year please come back next year and if you didn't participate COME TRY NEXT YEAR PLEASE! it is literally so fun#imma keep coming back until i am way the hell too old. until all the servers finally give out. yeah#i wanna go lie down for a few weeks and sleep it off but now i need to actually get back to real work sdflkj life is so cruel#anyway byebye see you when i see you! don't really have anything in the works right now but who knows
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i hate when i’m out with my family and then we get home and someone immediately wants me to do something else with them like um no….we need one hour rest time minimum
#i told my mom i’d help her take pictures of the dogs#but she’s doing it RIGHT NOW#like i thought that was a later thing…..i need to go lie down…..#jules.txt
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Burial Hymn for A Dislocated Rib
Or, an excerpt from ‘In Perpetuum’, in which Laz Atwater loses his patience.
(TW for gore and self harm)
—
Sometimes I feel like I need to start over. As though if I allow my body to grow itself from scratch, the aches and the soreness and the ways that I was forced to heal incorrectly will solve themselves and I will live without pain. I forget about the way my twitching muscles will struggle to hold my bones in their places, how my head will throb from dehydration while my veins contract around what little blood still flows through them. No, I forget the truth of the matter in favor of my fantasy where a new body will form and that body will be perfect. Then I dig my fingers under the edges of my rib cage and pry them open, letting each rib stab into my chest, puncture my lungs, restrain my breathing as my heart thunders against each cracking, concave rod. I peel my own skin back like I’m skinning a rabbit, I press my knife between the joints in my hip and i crank it, wrench it, force the tendons apart and the meat of my flesh tears as I butcher myself. It is a lapse of sanity and it is a desperate gamble to gain it back. I dismember and dismantle myself, pry out each tooth one by one, pull my entrails out hand over hand until my stomach is empty. I bleed myself like a pig. I hope it will kill me. It never does.
And it never does what I want it to, either. I am always in pain every moment of my reformation. I will never be whole — something will heal wrong, something new, some ache or pain that I never had before. A kink in my back that I have to stretch every hour where I never used to. A soreness in my shoulders when I sleep on my side, a click in my knee when I walk up the stairs. A throbbing in my knuckles, a twinge in my eye. A rotating cast of symptoms I can never outrun and never recover from.
But they will be new pains at least. The old pains will be gone. It will be refreshing, these new terrors. I hope I will be refreshed, anyway. The only reason I tear myself apart is because I cannot bear the monotonous hum of underlying ripping, tearing, stabbing pain I am in. I need it to change its tune. I need to change it even if it means digging a blade into myself and hoping I’m hitting the right nerves, the right chords, rearranging the right bones into the right place.
I take a deep breath and feel shooting pain. One of my ribs healed incorrectly. If I breathe as my instinct is to breathe, keep my breaths shallow, I don’t notice it, but if I inflate my lungs to my fullest it stabs into me, presses into the air-filled sack and threatens to puncture it, though my subconscious won’t let me get to that point.
There is the impulse to reach into my chest and snap it, move it out of the way. But I have been in enough pain today.
This will have to be an ache I tolerate until the next time I reach my limit and search for new agony in rebirth.
#gore#vent#i am in so much fucking pain#I’m so sick of this#it’s been a WEEK#a week of not being able to take a single step or sit or lie down or literally exist without being in the most pain I’ve been in in months#what is with this flare up? there’s no logical reason for it to be this bad!!!#and then today I’m sitting trying to be productive and social and my fucking RIB DISLOCATES AND I CAN’T BREATHE#I feel like a big useless blob of bones and meat#i can’t move right#can’t even sit without something shifting#anyways if you read this sorry#i just needed to get it out and i needed to put it somewhere#i feel like I’ve been holding it together pretty well but honestly I’m sick of it#i want to be better and i want to be better RIGHT NOW#but it won’t get better no matter what i do#chronic illness#disability#horror#writing#self harm#tw#trigger warning#I’m going to fucking scream
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i went on a walk and came back 60% more evil
#snap chats#you know that meme of spiderman holding back the bus while a kids walking across the street thats me @ myself right now#STOPPPP STOP BEING SAD STOP THINKING OF SAD THINGS TO DRAW OUUUUUGGGH theyd be SOOOO nice tho..#NOOOOO STOPPPPP its JUST angst for Everyone involved#this is what i mean my dad a fucking LIAR he be like 'go on a walk to feel better :)' father i came back with the intent to harm#with the intent to harm all ten people invested in the arakawa family i have come to be cruel#but NO. NO i said no more. wheres that electric fly swatter i need one of those#i have CUTE and WHOLESOME things on the menu THAT is the OBJECTIVE#my mental health keeps getting worse and it shows im trying to fight it with family fun time#who tf made that graphic of the mate in charge of ghibli movies and he's depressed as all hell im tryna live like that#i might be dying inside but let me make something pretty at LEAST#okokok let me actually start drawin onea them sweet things. the urge to lie down all day is strong but i shant i must be stronger#also dont walk outside it hot as hell out. im built like a lizard though thats perfect for me#but tryna sit in a cold place afterwards No Thanks.#ok my head hurts bye lets see if i come back with anything or the apathy wins
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