#I need to be more careful with money but I’ve still got one more paycheck from my current soon-to-be former job plus accrual payout soon

[mariacallous]

I had bagel sandwiches for breakfast and lunch and now I’m going to go back and nap for a while because I’ve earned all of this.

[apomaro-mellow]

Mafia AU 6 / AO3 Link

Part 5

Eddie didn’t get a call for a couple of days after their little sparring session. When he did, he was only told to meet him at a tailor’s in town. While getting ready, Eddie checked himself over in the mirror and considered going to Steve with his hair down for once. He was aware that those in high society didn’t appreciate his sense of style. But Steve had mentioned something about having a trademark. He wasn’t sure if he wanted it to be his hair though.

In the end, he kept it up in a ponytail as he usually did. Maybe once the weather cooled, he’d have an excuse to let it down. For now though, he’d leave it as is.

Eddie had never been inside a tailor shop. Never had a need or even the means for bespoke clothing. But Steve was already sitting in a chair, deep in discussion with a man who clearly worked there.

“I see what you mean. Yes, it is quite urgent.”

“Thank you for taking it on such short notice”, Steve said.

Eddie found himself being approached with measuring tape and he took a step back, holding his hands up. “Whoa, whoa, what’s the big idea here?”

“Just let Enrico do his magic”, Steve said, still sitting. “There’s an event happening soon, and I can’t let you show up in the same suit you’ve been wearing.”

Enrico made Eddie hold his arms out to the side and Eddie kept them up, understanding about only half of what was going on. Steve was getting him a new suit? For what? A party?

“You’re getting me a new suit?”

“Three. At least. It’ll have to do for now.”

Enrico tutted under his breath as he got Eddie’s measurements. “You were right about him.”

“Right about who? About what?”, Eddie asked, trying to follow Enrico as he moved around his body but also getting the feeling he should stand absolutely still. That was what people did at these fitting things, right?

Steve stood and sauntered over. Gently, he pushed Eddie’s arms back down. “I told him that you looked a little rough but underneath it all something special was waiting to shine through.”

Enrico chose that moment to measure up Eddie’s inseam and he all but jumped right into Steve’s arms. Steve grinned, keeping him upright and Eddie felt like this was all some kind of game that he didn’t know the rules of. Steve moved back and started perusing material around the store.

“Do I really need three?”, Eddie asked, grasping at something to say.

“While being sponsored, you represent me. And if you pass, it’ll be even more so. If you look ragged, I look weak. And like I don’t take care of my own.”

Eddie tried not think of how much this bill could run. “So I guess you’ll take these suits out of my first paycheck”, he teased, but was also seriously asking.

Enrico had finished and was now writing something on a notepad. Steve turned away from a selection of ties to look him up and down.

“It’s not like that. Think of it as an investment in you. I’ve never sponsored anyone. I’m hoping I get it right the first time around.”

“What happens if you get it wrong?”, Eddie asked.

Steve shrugged. “Usually the guy gets offed. Knows too much about us, you know? Can’t let him go on. I did hear that one time they let a guy go free but only after cutting his tongue. But I heard that story from this guy at a party and they like to exaggerate.”

Eddie swallowed. He knew he absolutely HAD to make it through this. But he hadn’t thought long enough about what would happen if he didn’t. If he pissed Steve off or if he didn’t do right by him. He liked having a tongue. And a life too.

“Speaking of parties, what’s this little soiree you’ve got planned?”

-----------------------

Eddie should’ve known that if Steve was putting up the money for new clothes, it wouldn’t be little. It was still being held at the Marini home (or was it the Harrington home now?) but there were more people this time. And some of them looked…normal. Every other time Eddie had seen people gathered here, it had just been the men, on the premises to discuss business.

But now he was seeing wives and children, all dressed to the nines. Steve had told him it was all in celebration of his grandfather’s birthday. It made sense that they went above and beyond to honor the previous boss. Eddie had put on one of the new suits Steve had bought for him and could feel the difference in quality immediately.

When he looked in the mirror, he could see how much better it fit him too. He didn’t look like some ruffian from the street right now. He looked like he could go and collect on behalf of his boss on his own. Like he had real credibility. Still, Eddie didn’t think it wise to try and stand out tonight.

There were plenty of bigwigs and like Steve said, he was repping his sponsor. So he stayed close to Steve’s side for the evening. Which also meant being close to Steve’s friend, who was named Robin. She’d given Eddie an odd side glance, but then ignored him for the most part. Not for the first time, Eddie wondered what her role was. She’d been hidden in that room when Steve had tried seducing him, and she’d been around in the maze that one time, but never on any of their outings.

Was she just a friend? Or was there something more going on here?

It should be said that while she didn’t talk directly to Eddie, it didn’t mean she was silent. Every time she spoke up though, it was in Italian, and Steve responded back, keeping the conversation between them. Eddie didn’t know if that meant he was the topic of the discussion or if it was actually secret family business. Either way, it was beginning to irk him.

“I’m going to go and talk to my grandfather. You two stay here. And play nice”, Steve said.

“...Was he saying that to you or to me?”, Eddie asked, breaking the ice.

Robin crossed her arms. “Either one, I guess.”

“Ah, she does speak the common tongue.”

“I speak four languages, jackass. And if you’ve got any hope for your future, you’d do well to follow along.”

“I’ve picked up a few phrases”, Eddie said. “Mostly naughty words, which are, you know, the best ones. But I guess my superiors wouldn’t want to be told ‘suca’, huh?”

“God, not with that pronunciation”, Robin laughed, cracking a smile for the first time that evening. 

“Care to give me some pointers on proper Italian, then?”

“You’re gonna need it if you’re serious about all this”, Robin gestured to the room where mobsters were mingling.

“I don’t do anything half-assed. I’m in it to the end.”

“And to what end, exactly is that?”, Robin asked. “Why are you here?”

It was such a bold question, Eddie was caught off guard. No one had ever asked him why. Or even if he wanted to. A couple goons offered him money for a job and he took it and kept taking it. Then the sponsorship had been dropped in his lap without any real input from him.

“I want a better life for me and my uncle. And if being loyal to this family gets me there, then that’s what I’ll be.”

“Loyal to the Marinis? Or to the Harringtons?”

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask. What’s the difference?”, Eddie questioned.

“How much do you know about Steve’s family history?”, Robin asked.

Eddie thought about the bits and pieces he’d heard and gleaned. “Mom married an outsider, now he’s the boss.”

Robin hummed and nodded, confirming that part. “Sounds like you could use a crash course though.”

“I wouldn’t mind one”, Eddie said.

Robin led them over to a more secluded part of the room where they could sip and talk. “You got the summary right. Steve’s mom was a mafia princess. She was probably supposed to get with someone her dad, Steve’s grandfather over there set her up with. But she fell for this guy who had worked with the family but he wasn’t family , get it?”

Eddie nodded. Someone who wasn’t directly connected to them. Someone like him or Wayne. Well, Wayne was in now, so it was just Eddie. But he could change that.

“So anyway, it makes waves ‘cause she’s going against the grain. But her father approves it, lets them get married and all that. Steve’s grandpa retires and his son-in-law, Harrington inherits the title. Not long after that, Steve’s mom died.”

Eddie took a moment to look at Steve, who was no longer just with his grandfather, but with his dad and a couple of other men too. Eddie had a feeling about the missing mom, but he’d never confirmed it with anyone.

“Steve took his dad’s last name, which was a huge thing because in this world, the Harrington name means nothing. There’s this…divide I guess. The ones who support his dad and the ones who think he’s not right for the role of boss. And because they don’t like his dad, that means they don’t like Steve.”

“Why? Has he done anything?”, Eddie asked.

“That’s part of his problem. He can’t really do much since he presented as an omega.” Robin swirled her drink around. “It’s on him to get with a proper alpha and fix the Marini family.”

Eddie could guess what proper meant. Someone from a good family, for one. And they’d probably prefer someone Italian. Someone with similar roots to the Marinis. Someone who wasn’t an outsider. All of those guys who had seemed interested in Steve, Tommy included, all would have been accepted without much fuss, he was sure. Eddie was so out of his league, they were playing different sports.

Wai-why was he still trying to think of himself that way? He’d told Steve to his face there’d be no funny business. And then Steve had basically told him he would always fly solo. Eddie didn’t need to think about Steve’s marriage prospects because it had nothing to do with him right now.

Still, Eddie couldn’t help but think of Steve, raised up and under the tutelage of a mob boss only to be told his job was to marry someone every else thought was good enough for him, have that guy’s baby, and live out the rest of his days as an afterthought while that guy ran his family business. 

Steve found them from afar and waved them over to him.

“Is he waving to you or to me?”, Eddie asked.

Robin’s response was to lock arms with him. “Looks like we’re being summoned.”

Part 7

[fuck-customers]

god i love working at local places but sometimes these management teams are way more stupid than corporate.

in this case, i say management team very lightly. the only employees at this job im at is me, my ex, two older ladies, and the boss. we have one helper as well but he’s been out of commission for about a month because he hurt his back really bad.

at first i was scheduled every day during a 5-day labor day sale, and fuck it was so hard. my boss refused to hire anymore help and chewed me out for nearly crying during my shift.

and then i had to call out a few times because i’m chronically ill and i can’t really work more than two days in a row, and even that is pushing it. and of course she got onto me, telling me that i need to grow up and get over it. she then changed my schedule around so instead of getting $1000 a month, i was deducted to $400. this month i’m getting two whole days! yay! that’s $200!

she constantly yells at me for my ex’s mistakes at work. the guy constantly leaves his bag (with weed in it usually) on the counter, leaves his bag on the ground so i trip over it, makes a complete mess of the place, leaves me without telling me when i’m busy at the computer so i can’t tend to customers… so much other stuff.

yesterday, he was the one on the register, and turns out we were short a significant amount of money. so we (most likely he, because when i’m with other people this shit NEVER happens) probably over paid someone. i told both of them that i’m busy today so i can’t call either of them but my boss still spammed me with calls. i asked my ex why and he said “well she called me and i told her to ask you.” like… telling the boss that i’m the one responsible, essentially. as if i fucking know why it’s under, as if i was the one on that stupid register.

i eventually texted my boss and explained that i dont know what happened and she said “well i dont know why this always happens with you two” (gee it’s almost like i never make mistakes when i’m with someone else and he makes mistakes no matter who he’s with!) and “i’ll have to deduct it from your paycheck.” i immediately sent her an article stating that that is VERY illegal and she has not responded.

i’ve been applying to many places already, and i plan on quitting as soon as i secure one. but if she pulls any funny shit again, i’m quitting, i dont care if i have a job or not.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[riahlynn101]

Ai-less Whumptober 2024 - Day Sixteen: "Drowning." (Switching with day fourteen.)

Word count: 1,864

Trigger warnings: child abandonment, children in distress, the ocean, drowning, implied death, and unhappy ending. 

Story notes: This takes place in pre-quirk time, but almost nothing is historically accurate. Izuku is five and Tenko is nine.

--

“Do you think it hurts?” Izuku asks, resting his head on Tenko’s shoulder. 

He met his new friend several days ago while hiding in the laundry room. As it turns out both boys’ families were from the same country - Japan. Which was a relief, because it’s been so hard finding other people that speak the same language as him. 

His mother, his father, and him moved to England a year ago, after his dad got a better paying job at one of the factories. One of the ones that produced thick gray clouds and made him wrinkle his nose whenever he hugged his dad. 

But the paychecks were better than they were in Japan, and the move was hard on his mother, so Izuku tried really, really hard not to complain. Even when the kids at his new school, some of them factory workers themselves, started bullying him. 

And then, his dad stopped coming home. 

Mom never explained what happened to him. There were whispers of a fire and a collapsed roof, and Izuku found he really didn’t want to know more. 

His mom used most of the remainder of their money to buy a ticket to get him aboard a ship set sail for the United States. 

“This,” she started, “is your best chance.” Her fingers trembled, fastening Izuku’s coat buttons. A piece of cardstock paper hung by a string around his neck. He couldn't read the words, though he recognized some of the letters from his weeks attending an English school. 

“O-R-P-H-A-N?”

His mother choked on a sob. “Baby, my baby,” she warbled. “It says ‘orphan.’"

And that, more than his mother’s lack of a suitcase or ticket or the big boat honking its horn behind them, confused Izuku the most. 

He tilted his head. “But I’m not an orphan, momma. You’re still here.”

His mom shook her head, mind already made up. “I can’t go with you. I can’t leave your father. Not while they’re…” she trailed off, as if her next words might have been too morbid for a child of five to hear them. 

“Izuku, try to blend in with the other families. Present your ticket at the dock but stay hidden while on the ship. It should only be a week. I packed some meals for you in your suitcase.” She stroked his hair, pulling him close. “When you get to America, I need you to do something very important.” His mother had pulled him away and held him by the shoulders. “I need you to find a man named Yagi Toshinori, okay? He’s from Japan like us, and I’ve already contacted him. He said he’ll take care of you until I can find a way to leave England.”

“But momma,” Izuku said, bottom lip quivering. “I don’t want to leave.”

The big ship’s horn blared again, and whatever else his mom wanted to say to him was cut short. She pushed him towards the railing that held a line of people. “Go,” she told him. “And find Yagi. I love you, Izuku.” Izuku lost sight of her in the crowd pretty quickly after that. 

His assigned room is decks below where the more well-dressed and affluent passengers stay. “Third-class” he overheard people call it; their tones almost snobbish. But Izuku couldn't understand what’s so bad about it. 

Sure, it’s not as colorful or decorative as the above decks. But the family he shared a room with is nice to him, and the music he sometimes overheard from a room over, helped him sleep. 

He explored during the day but only the first two, as the mother of the family he roomed with warns him against drawing attention to himself. So, Izuku stuck to peeking into unlocked rooms and hiding amongst the unfolded laundry. 

He found Tenko, or rather, Tenko found him, while Izuku was hiding. He went to climb inside and almost screamed when he saw Izuku staring up at him.

“I need to hide,” Tenko explained, eyes wide from the shock of finding another warm body where it shouldn’t be. 

Izuku’s eyes widened. “You speak Japanese?” He sat up, rocking the laundry cart. 

Tenko shushed him, looking over his shoulder. “Yeah, I’m from Japan. Can I hide with you?”

Amazed and relieved at hearing his native language, Izuku scooted to the side. Tenko hopped in. He stared at his new friend with stars in his eyes. 

“So,” he started to ask after a solid five minutes of neither of them saying anything, “who are-”

He was cut off by a loud and pointed “shush!” 

Not a second later the door to the laundry room swung open. It slammed against the steel walls. “Where’re you ya brat?” A man, sounding a lot like those men Izuku overhears in the hallway in the early morning, stumbling their way back to their rooms. 

Izuku looked at his friend. A growing unease kept him quiet. His friend shook and stared at the ceiling, as if expecting the man to suddenly appear above them. 

But he didn’t, and after shuffling around piles of clothes he left the way he came. 

“Who was that?” Izuku asked. He didn’t dare sit up in fear of the man returning. 

“No one important,” his friend said. “Thanks for letting me hide with you. I’m Tenko.”

“Izuku. Can we be friends?”

Tenko smiled at him then. It was a nice change from the terrified expression a moment ago, so Izuku smiled at him too. His heart felt full, and fuller still when Tenko responded with an immediate:

“yes. Best friends.”

They did everything together after that. Tenko was traveling with his family. His older sister, Hana, his mom, and dad. It was supposed to be a vacation, but Tenko didn’t look very happy when he was around his dad. But Izuku doesn’t think he would be very happy either if his dad was half as mean as Tenko’s. 

They spent the day running through the halls and sneaking onto the top deck, which Izuku finds to be a lot easier with Tenko. As Tenko’s family is a lot richer than his own, but that just means that the two boys could dance and eat food and enjoy the view without worrying about alerting security. 

Hana, Tenko’s sister, sometimes joined them. Her dark hair was long and hung in pigtails fastened in beautiful bows. Her dresses were always beautiful and matched her china doll. She treated Izuku like a second brother and liked to comb his curls.

Everything was fine. 

Izuku didn’t feel as homesick anymore.

He had friends, and an exciting new life to look forward to. 

Yes, everything was fine. 

Until it wasn’t. 

-x-x-x-

“Women and children first,” a man in a uniform said. He helped mom, then Hana onto the rescue boat. “You next,” he said, but Tenko wasn’t looking at him. He scanned the boats already in the water and over the people still left on the upper deck. His heart beat faster and faster the longer he didn’t see Izuku. 

The man reached for him, but Tenko stepped back. “No!” He shouted. He forced his way through the crowd of people, ignoring his mom’s pleas for him to come back.

The ship rocked back and forth, creaking. He stumbled. “Izuku!” He screamed, voice drowned out by the screams of other passengers. “Izuku! Where are you?”

The water from the ocean poured onto the deck, soaking his clothes. The salt burned his eyes as it dripped from his hair. Even then, Tenko knew they didn’t have long left. 

The life jackets were long gone and the rescue boats were almost filled. If he found Izuku, they would only have mere minutes before they were left stranded. His desperation grew with every passing minute. 

“Izuku! Izuku! Answer me!”

Like an answer to his prayer, a cry caught his attention. It was small and child-like, which didn’t automatically mean it belonged to his best friend but it was all Tenko had to go on. He stumbled towards the source of the crying - a closet on the third floor of the boat. 

He opened the door. “Izuku!” Tenko shouted, throwing himself towards his friend. The relief he felt in that moment is unmatched to anything he’s ever felt in his entire life. “Oh,” he said, pulling the younger boy into his arms. “I was so worried about you.” He stood up again and held a hand out. “If we want to survive, then we have to hurry back to the upper deck.”

Izuku sniffled. “I want my mommy.”

Tenko shook his head. “I know, I know, but we have to move.”

His friend shook, pressing his hands to his ears. “Scary,” he muttered. “Too loud.”

An announcement crackled over the loudspeakers, like a nail in the coffin, “all boats have been filled.”

“No, no,” Tenko muttered under his breath. He turned to Izuku who continued to cower. “C’mon, Izu, maybe if we hurry we can jump off the side of the boat and somebody will let us in.”

It’s not the safest idea, especially on a night as cold as it is. But it’s better than going down with the ship. 

Izuku cries grew louder and louder until the boy started to gag. Tenko kneeled down beside him. He pressed his hands to Izuku’s ears and resigned himself. 

Izuku’s cries eventually lessened, and if not for the humming, Tenko would almost think his friend fell asleep. His big green eyes seem to stare right through the door ahead, plotting or, perhaps, trying to distance himself from the situation they’re in. 

“Do you think it hurts?” Izuku asked him, eyes still staring ahead. His head comes to rest on Tenko’s shoulder. 

Tenko’s stomach drops. He hadn’t thought about that, at least not all the way through. Suddenly, maybe selfishly, he wishes he left on the lifeboat with his mom and sister. 

“Probably,” he mumbles. “I hope it doesn’t,” he adds quickly. 

“I’m scared.”

“Me too.” A thought crosses his mind, bright like a lightbulb. “How about we go to sleep, and when we wake up we’ll be in a much better place?”

“A much better place,” Izuku repeats. He settles down on the floor, tucking his legs in. 

Izuku looks up at him, one hand outstretched. “Hold my hand?” He asks. 

Tenko lays down next to him. It’s not the most comfortable spot, but he can’t find it within himself to care. They cling to each other, desperate for comfort in their last minutes on earth. 

Water pours in from the crack underneath the door. It’s cold and makes them shiver when it soaks through their shirts. Izuku cries a little, but he does too.

He pets Izuku’s curls, shushing him. His friend rubs his face in Tenko’s shirt, seeking warmth that isn’t there. 

“I love you,” Izuku gets out between quiet sobs. 

“I love you too, little brother.” Tenko’s eyes burn now and he isn’t sure the salt is to blame. 

They don’t say anything after that. Soon after the water breaks through the door, crashing over their bodies, and filling their lungs with ocean water. 

They die reaching out to each other, their hands never touching.

[rhythmic-idealist]

Hi, everyone in the apartment is extremely beat.

[gross warning, skip the next paragraph if you’d rather not see it]

Here is some filler okay I threw up in the first hour of my shift today and had to finish the shift bc I’m full up on attendance strike “points.” Definitely not well enough to snag the OT I was gonna snag this weekend, but I’ll be good by Monday.

My laptop is broken because it fell off a table (completely my doing). This is livable, but making me sad because I was otherwise going to have an AMV finished by now, and I’m without my favorite low-stress hobby.

We have groceries but we’re all sometimes too goddamn tired to cook and occasionally ordering in, everyone else in this house is chronically ill and/or physically disabled, we’re all spoonies. I have to register my car so the cops don’t pull me over for being a year overdue. I’ve gotta get my control arm bushings replaced, and I haven’t done suspension work before so I don’t trust myself to do it myself. And, due to the age of Kitkat’s CRV despite the attentive care she took maintaining it, we’re down to my car as the only car.

I’m due for some doctors’ appointments— did something to my knee at work that is probably nothing (and yet I’d like to check in now instead of signing up for knee problems for the rest of my life). Chronic headaches that I’ve had all my life need to be addressed bc of how much harder they’re making the rest of my life.

So, this is an e-begging post, if you’re able. We Will Be Fine. My and my polycule’s parents won’t let us go homeless or hungry. This is…. if you like me and would like to make life nicer?

I’d like my hobby back (via laptop repair), and I’d like to be less sick at work which probably means less time cooking and more time to sleep & make some overdue doctors’ appointments abt my headaches and whether I messed up my knee.

My parents did send us some money recently & bought my plane tickets to visit home. They’ve got three kids to work out for and themselves as they get older— I’m not in any place to start putting aside money to help them out yet, though I am working hard to one day.

They would give me money for doctors’ appointments if I told them I needed it. I do however think they would not actually have the money to do that and be alright themselves, and so I don’t intend to ask unless shit gets very fucked.

And finally, I’m paycheck to paycheck and really, really want a medical emergency fund. But yknow. This post isn’t gonna make THAT happen. This is some short term “is anyone able to help me unfuck the next two weeks?” and then I’ll be healthier and more on target.

Thank you so much — and seriously, We Will Be Okay. We will be fine. This is a little (huge, it means very very much to me) treat to me.

Maybe I’ll spend this on the laptop, maybe something more essential! But it all helps.

PayPal

ko-fi (which takes a cut, but is still very appreciated)

Okay thank you for the help. Basically the main thing this post will probably determine is whether I get laptop repair done within the next two months 💗 but you know. Will also determine how few cooking spoons I have to spend and how soon I can get my life in order

Thanks love you all

[itsliyahhbih]

Into the spider-verse: Xiomara’s intro

Sum: this is my intro to my au fanfic. Puerto Rico’s Araña-Mujer & it takes place on Earth 906. This starts in Xi’s POV‼️

A/n: The other characters come in later. The story really starts after her intro so this of this rlly as an intro/pt.1 ‼️ In this story Xiomara does end up with Miles G. Morales. HOWEVER, this is being posted as a test to see ‘how good’..this fic is. This is basically a ‘rough draft’ I’ve honestly barely edited this. I have read thru it so hopefully I didn’t miss any BIG errors. I just wanna see if others enjoy this or if maybe I get thrown suggestions. If this does good I’ll possibly continue with this fanfic on here :))

Okay let’s get this started , Hi I’m Xiomara Marina Aguillar . Puerto Rico’s one and only Spider girl. I got bitten by a radio active spider on a school field trip to Oscorp Labs for a career day. My spider bite gave me special venom powers through nails that can temporarily paralyze my victim. As well as camouflage effect that allows me to blend into any surroundings, also my body temperature drops leaving me undetectable to heat vision. I’m 15 years old and attend Visions, the center of advanced studies..It’s..It’s really just a highschool, but I like to remind myself of what my papa said to me. “Mija, you earned your place at that school! I’ll be damned to see stuck up children run you away from a proper education!!” Something my father didn’t have growing up. I tested very highly my whole life and always got good grades, school and education came so naturally to me..friends..not so much.

It was my papa’s dream for me to go to this school , so who was my mother to deny a man on his deathbed his dream for his eldest daughter right?…he..hehe. Yeahhh uh…My pa, he’s gone…He passed away when I was 13 from Cancer, but I don't like to remember him as a Cancer patient! I like to remember him for just being my papa. The one cracking jokes, cooking good food and saving lives as a firefighter…

I always wished he never got sick because then I just know..My life wouldn’t be the way it is now..

Months after my papa’s death my mother went downhill even almost lost her nursing license. She picked up drinking and smoking cigarettes heavily, also picking up extreme hours at the hospital to try to keep us afloat. She liked to claim all the hours were for keeping us afloat..a part of me believed that. That she was still the mami who used to give pep talks and smother you in kisses every morning, but really I knew it was also to feed her addiction..Apart of my mom still wanted to be a mother but sometimes couldn't bare to look at us and so I tried really hard to shelter my siblings from this part of her, but as they got older they became coherent to their surroundings . It was hard for us emotionally and financially, we were even still paying off his medical bills and that alone was a struggle to do.. Don’t get me wrong, my parents both made good money. I wouldn’t say we are DIRT poor as of right now, just struggling.. Those bills were just always a harsh reminder to us that he was gone..

We even lived in a beautiful house when he was alive but the hospital bills, caring for us, our wants and needs no matter what, bills..It swallowed them as his hours at work decreased more and more due to his cancer getting worse. Eventually putting him on disability we slowly got back afloat, but when he passed and we no longer got his disability income we lost our home and my mom lost her sanity. My parents worked so hard their whole lives to get us outta the hood for us to end up right back there . As I stated my mami kinda went..loco, She wasn’t herself any more, gave us no attention and became very cold and mean as the alcohol addiction increased so I picked up the care of my younger siblings and our apartment we moved into after the loss of the house. It was just my moms job to give me her paycheck to get it ALL done..Eventually we would argue about the money and costs of her habits so I had to pick up a job to pick up her slack..But that's enough of my life story let’s just get into it…

To be continued..?

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios Adventures

"Hey, things will work out. It's just taking more time than we thought. This project is going to succeed."

Adrian gave his ex-husband a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder, trying to sound optimistic. Roman was currently in the middle of an existential crisis, spiraling out of control thinking of just how much money they were losing. Even with the entire Bellamy family pitching in to help, the restaurant wasn't profitable. All of their hard work so far had been for nothing.

"We have no way to turn this place around," Roman sighed. "I can't ask you to put more of your own money into this, you and Evren have a family to take care of, same as me. I'll-I'll get a job of my own and start to pay off the debt. I could read cards just like my grandmother. She always made a decent living from it."

"You're not reading cards if you don't want to," Adrian snapped. "The father of my children is never going to have to worry about money. I promised you that when we got married and I'm not about to break that promise anytime soon. As long as it's your dream to have a restaurant, I'm going to help you make it a reality. We're family and family doesn't quit when things get hard."

Roman smiled at Adrian's kindness despite his churning emotions. Adrian was far too good a man to have ever been married to him. Roman thought about how they'd exchanged vows as young adults on the beach while his heart was still stuck on dreaming about Abe. How even when they planned to get divorced, Adrian was trying to figure out how he could still be involved in his stepson's life. Family meant a great deal to the Siews. Maura, Trent and Adrian were devoted to their families above all else, especially now that so much of the royal family had been lost in tragedy. Maura had responded to The Incident with Ulyssa by pulling her family even closer to her, and Adrian and Evren had adopted all of Roman's children into their lives despite Roman's marriage to Abe. If anything, people often mistook the four men as a polycule of sorts, given how devoted they were to raising their combined children together. Roman could attest to the fact that Adrian and Evren were nowhere near his bedroom in any way. That was a line none of the men wanted to cross. Still, their combined children treated each other like siblings and both couples as authority figures. 

"We'll see," Roman sighed at last. "I know that you're not going to change your mind until the paychecks start bouncing, but we may need an exit strategy here. You can't run your estate into the ground for my sake. Luciana needs to inherit your title and all the resources we can give her, as well as the other kids. I never wanted your money for myself; it's all for the kids."

"Trust me, I've got it covered," Adrian replied. "My parents left large estates and millions of dollars when they died and Maura has been generous."

"I know, I used to run your estate," Roman said quickly. Bringing up Adrian's death and the years Roman had spent running his estate was still a sensitive subject. "I know what they left you. And Maura…I wouldn't trust her kindness forever. She, rightfully, isn't my biggest fan these days. She might take out her anger on you one day."

"Yeah, that whole thing with Ulyssa wasn't your finest hour. It was like watching a train derail in excruciating detail. Even for you it was bad."

"Gee,  thanks." Roman bristled at the rebuke, even if it was well deserved. If even Adrian couldn't get past Roman's mistake with Ulyssa, what hope did he have of ever standing near Maura without worrying that her guards would haul him off to a dungeon at any time? "I regret it enough without the constant reminders. It's in the past."

Adrian remained quiet for a moment, inwardly debating about whether to ask the question that had been rolling around his head for a while now.

"Ulyssa…Her Highness, that is…did you two…well I know when we were together we…."

"What are you asking me?" Roman replied, his voice growing colder when he thought about where this question might be going.

"Princess Georgiana, she's-"

"None of my business," Roman snapped, cutting his ex off before the words could be said out loud. "Princess Georgiana is Ulyssa and the queen's daughter. I was told that she isn't mine and that I'm not to ask about her. So I don't."

Adrian could see the pain in Roman's eyes when he spoke and he had his answer. Evren was right after all. Maura was hiding something from her cousin as best as she could. Unfortunately for her, DNA couldn’t be hidden.

"Roman, I'm so sorry. I never thought, until dinner last week at the palace…I mean, she has your eyes. She looked right at me and it was just like staring at Theo. I…I'll talk to Maura. I promise, I'll talk to her."

"Don't," Roman sighed, rubbing the tears threatening to form in his eyes. "It's fine. It's what I deserve. Anyway, let's just focus on my current failure, shall we? At least this one I have some control over." 

"No, this is a big deal," Adrian insisted, staring intently at his ex. "Does Abe know?"

"Of course he knows!" Roman snapped. "Seriously, I'm not having this conversation unless there's a drink in my hand, Adrian, preferably never. Forget about it. I have."

The sound of laughter rang out down the hall, jarring Roman from his thoughts. 

"Theo, say goodbye to your friend. It's late and I'm sure his family is missing him. Clean up your workspace, we're going home soon."

Adrian locked the front door as Roman prodded his son into cleaning up the cash register area, his mind still racing with Roman's revelation. Maura had seemed different the past few years with the stress of ruling while simultaneously grieving their lost family members and working on her damaged marriage. Plus being thrown into motherhood earlier than she'd planned to secure an heir. It had been a turbulent few years for his cousin, so it was only natural that Maura might have been changed a little by her circumstances. Still, this hidden family secret bothered him. Maura was under no obligation to tell Adrian about her daughter's paternity, but it wasn't like her. Before his death, Adrian hadn't really been close to his cousin, but upon his revival, she had confided in him often- there hadn't been a lot of family members left to confide her fears to. If Maura was hiding a daughter with a complicated paternity, what else was she hiding from her family? Was she ever going to admit that Adrian had a secret stepdaughter or was he supposed to just ignore the fact that the young princess looked like the spitting image of his ex-husband? If he had noticed, then who else would? Would other countries sense weakness in the royal family and attack?

It was all too much to think about and Roman had shut down any talk on the issue pretty quickly. If Maura was lying and Roman was in denial, then Adrian wasn’t getting any more information on the matter any time soon. If Roman wasn’t involved in the situation, Adrian might have been tempted to ask him to read his cards to see how to proceed. Their daughter, Adrianne, was far more talented at card reading, but he didn’t want her involved in case the cards revealed more than he wanted them to. He would talk things over with Evren then. Evren would know what to do.

[retainerstainer]

Taking a break from working with stupid nursing major pricks I call manager

The title itself is already self-explanatory. I’ve been working non-stop at two different stores, and one of them is a store I genuinely liked and the other was a shitshow begging to catch on fire. The first one, was a spirit halloween believe or not. In fact, when I was 16, it was, my first real job that gave me decent money, but this time when I came back, it was better, more cooler, and with the money I saved up for it, definitely worth it. It was a temporary job, and I should’ve thought about this a lot more sooner before deciding to pack up my bags and quit the next one, which I’ll explain soon in a minute. I made so many connections and genuine work relationships there, that sometimes I actually liked changing my work clothes and looking forward to work there. But since it was temporary, I obviously have to leave sooner or later. As for working at Dollar Tree, I couldn’t stand my manager or anyone else any fucking longer. 

I couldn’t stand the favoritism between me and another coworker who literally makes problems in her life deeper, and of course she’s a nursing major, not that it is a bad thing to study for, but most people who go for the nursing major usually end up being a bitch, and clearly my manager was just that because SHE was a nursing major, you dumb fuck if you said that WHY ARE YOU WOKRING HERE THEN? I was bound to get fired anyway, because I can’t count money for shit, apparently that 10-minute fucking break felt like 5 fucking seconds, not fucking worth it, and even when I was working three nights shifts back to back on 5-6 hours I still got the damn break. Her DM saw me, and made complaints blah blah and this this this, I. WAS. TRAINED. THE. WAY. YOUR. STUPID. RESTING BITCH FACE, SNOBBED UP ATITUDE, QUEEN OF BEING A FUCKING LOWLIFE. MANAGER THAT YOU HIRED. And yes, I put in my two weeks on a piece of receipt paper, and emailed her DM personally to tell her everything that I have experience working there and what I have hear. She gossips about my business as well as the OTHER managers who work with me about MY business, I worked there for 6 months, I don’t give a fuck, I hate retail and I’m scared that the more I apply to these random job posting the less I’ll be suggested or hell I’ll even get a call back. 

I’ve applied to every single job that has the skills and qualifications that I have and to this fucking day I got nothing yet. I applied to gyms, my old gyms that I used to work at, the stores that I go to every fucking day, stores that are half an hour away because IDGAF and because why not? I need experience and money coming in and how can I do that when I’m jobless and of course I wrote this down in my damn journal. 

I’ll write this again and again and again and again, I’ll scream it as loud as I want, I’ll even do stupid manifestations and hide them under my pillow. I WANT A GOOD PAYING, GOOD SCHEDULING, GOOD ENVIRONMENT THAT BARELY INVOLVES PEOPLE, NICE RESUME LOOKING JOB! AND I WANT IT NOW! I don’t care if I have to do tours again for people who want to sign up for a membership, I will do it all over again it gives me good paycheck and it makes my bank account look good. So please, as I say with a lucky penny, in my right hand and a pinch of salt thrown over my left shoulder, and as God as my witness, GIVE ME A FUCKING JOB THAT WON’T MAKE ME GO FUCKING MANIC FOR FUCKING FUCK SAKE

[n0resistance]

Puti 

     One time, I was with my old coworker at my old job and we were just talking. He was raised half in Brooklyn and half in Asia. I told him I was half Filipino and by looking at me, I  obviously look Caucasian. He looked at me and said, I wish I had a white dad. I reacted, and said, “excuse me? What does that even mean?

    He said, “you know what I mean a chill not so strict white dad that lets you do whatever you want.” I’ve never really thought about it until that moment. He wasn’t wrong. My dad was chill, not strict, and let me be on my own from a young age. Where I really did need structure. We were all surviving at the time but I lost the disciplined, strict, hard to deal with Asian parent that really cares about taking care of you. 

    A lot of my life I resented him for not being that way. I was home a lone since he worked a lot. He let me stay at my friend’s place for days, I went to college and although most of my life I thought I planted the seed that I was going to be a nurse. That when it didn’t work out, he didn’t yell at me for it. He was totally okay with me following my dreams and my passion, even though I didn’t know what that was. Just as long as I didn’t need him to survive. He helped me out until I turned 21 but after that I couldn’t live at home nor did I see any money, even if I was broke. I mean we agreed, I’d get some help with bills until I got a degree and then that was the moment I became an adult. 

     This Asian kid that wishes he had a white dad, still lived at home. & we don’t really talk but he might still live at home, and the money he makes is for something else. Maybe to one day own property, a business, or go to school. Or maybe he just spends it on alcohol and drugs. (I don’t think so, he’s respectful and smart, but he could). Or maybe he sends money home to Asia. But he is taken care of to an extent. He will probably never worry about paying rent on time or ever as long as he’s there. But he has to clean the house, maybe has a curfew, and has to obey his parents. Like they may have to approve of his girlfriend, or maybe what he chooses to study, maybe he has to help out family. 

    The one thing I could say is without that push of being kicked out. Would I be as self sufficient as I am today? Like if my mom never passed away. She was really there for us and I feel she would still she support me. Taking care was her nature and she did it well. Would I be a nurse? Even though seeing blood makes me want to vomit? Would I be an obedient kid. My mom hated winter and wanted to live in Florida or go back to the Philippines. Would I finish high school in the Philippines? Or Florida?

    A lot was cut off from my life when she died, it was too sad. Filipino parties, our family friends, and I remember feeling she was gone. No more parties, or Christmas, or home cooked Filipino food. 

    Maybe I’d just lose that identity, if it weren’t for my siblings, it really may would have dissipated. That if my family was small, I would remember it solely if I met another Filipino person, and that would always make me sad. Our family is tight knit but that’s only half of me. In Filipino culture, we always think of family. Money there is different, you can make it if you have your own business or come from a wealthy family. 

    However, people don’t work like we do here. We put work over everything here. They have a strong sense of community. Stressing and living paycheck to paycheck  is non existent, I assume. Over there you live with your family. & Family values is the big thing I appreciate about being Filipino. 

     If you ever watched the movie “Fools Rush In” with Mathew Perry (rip )and Selma Hayek. About two people who don’t know each other and are having a baby together. She’s Mexican And he’s Caucasian. She says “family to you is getting through a holiday once a year”. Some families that is their culture. We work a lot, we’re tired, wana get drunk with our friends and keep it light.

    Some families have a party every weekend with good food and good times. They fight but live together. They are codependent. And there is a balance between my polar opposite sides. 

     My balance for myself has been New York. The place where it’s easy to have your own identity. Hop jobs, and groups of people, you never have to have the same meal twice in this city. Sometimes you can even forget your old identity. Maybe for a second. 

    Now I just wana hone everything. Hone the artist identity, the entrepreneur, hustler, socialite, friend, the filmmaker, the concierge. Because really the things I love to do I really love to do. I’m thankful for the opportunity to make that consistent in my life. That has actually been valuable to me. I also will always know even though I have my boyfriend and a few good friends where I know I could stay on their couch. 

    However I know….That if I ever mess up. Not make enough money to pay my bills or lose a job or jobs. Or am stuck financially. From taxes, stocks, or anything like that. Nobody will save me. And weirdly enough that is a comforting place to be. 

    Because if nobody saves you, the less likely you are to mess up. You have to rely on you. It makes me an overall reliable human. I designed my entire life from scratch, so if things don’t work out, I really don’t have anyone else to blame. 

    It makes me think when I have kids. When would I stop taking care of them. Is it right after highschool, or college, is there a limit. Is there a way to communicate that they have to be on their own. It seems difficult but transparency is probably the best way. The way to do it, I don’t know if there’s ever a safe way but either way it must be done at some point. 

    I also think, if my mom, the woman who was so good at taking care of me was still around. I would’ve given her a big hug and leave her when the time was right. Only to come back to let her know what I was accomplishing and to let her know I am fine. Right now I just get to tell my dad, things are really hard but I’m getting through it, and he will always say “that is great”, like the chill dad he is.

[paganmoonbaby]

Sunday 14th Jan

Yesterday was my Sunday reset and day for releasing and welcoming the new week!

I cleaned a lot in my apartment because it had been stressing me out a lot. I’m not quite done but it’s at least clean now. still a bit cluttered, tomorrow my kind of like support from the state is coming to motivate me to clean so I’m gonna do the declutterring and stuff like that then.

They are so incredible, at first I was so embarrassed for having them. but because of my intense adhd, history with addiction and mental health issues I realized that even if I’m doing okay, I need these people that come, treat me like a person and help me get started. Simply the fact that they are coming makes me motivated to clean because it makes me think like “omg they can’t come here when it’s such a mess”. I’m starting to accept and appreciate the help that I’m given and started to be so amazed and proud to live in a country (I live in Sweden) that actually cares so much and tries their best to make criminals/ addicts like me not to fall back to their habits. Even though Sweden isn’t perfect.

Anyways I did something a little bit different to make my cleaning a little more magical

Herbal floor cleaning

I put ingredients corresponding to my intention and wants in my water that I then used to wipe my surfaces, especially around my front door and everything surrounding it. And then wiped my floor with it for protection and good vibes for the coming week. I think I might keep doing this and maybe make a finished bottle of infused water to use on a regular basis. We’ll see!

• I used my normal big water bucket I use for cleaning, cleansed it with sound and poured in hot water. Adding a bit of my new moon water from this new moon in Capricorn.

Capricorns are driven and what I would say very tough so in my mind the lunar energies when the moon is in Capricorn would be perfect for banishing and protection.

• I added a few drops of lavender essential oil for calmness and peace

• And rosemary essential oil for general protection

• I then added my normal cleaning solution, I did however intentionally used an orange smelling one to in my mind bring some joy because that’s what oranges are associated with.

• I took a reusable tea bag and added dried orange for joy and positivity. Lavender for peace and cedar leaves for purification and protection

____

I cleaned and cleansed my altar and took a moment to out a tea offering on Athena’s altar and speaking a little with her though her pendulum. It’s funny cuz my other pendulums she doesn’t seem to be connecting with. But the one I bought now she is so enthusiastic about using. Is swings clear and stops almost on its own between questions. I asked if she wanted to do a tarot and unlike the last time where I got a no, she did want to.

And it’s so fucking funny and incredible because I asked what I could do to make her happier. And told her to throw out the card. I shuffled like twice and a card flew out like half a meter and Landed on the floor. I looked at it and it was a 7 of pentacles. I look at that card as growing and taking care of your possessions. Because the man is just standing there looking I’m interpreting it as like being thoughtful whether or not to harvest and use the money right?? I’m a novice in tarot so please add if you have any thoughts.

The funny thing about this is that this month I’ve been INCREDIBLY irresponsible with my money and basically blew my whole paycheck in a week. And how freaking fast that card flew and how far, dude she was very sure about what was wrong. So I promised her I’m going to do my best and my goals now is to only order online for not more than 50 dollars a month and to only buy lunch for work once a week and focus on bringing my own food. usually when I buy food it’s pretty cheap but I do it like every day so imma have to cut back on that.

I also asked how she viewed our relationship and instantly the empress flew out and that made me tear up a little/ a lot.

Sorry for so much rant but my I filled up my journal and need to make a new one so everything is just gonna end up here

[swampthingfromhell]

I’ve been really struggling with my health lately and just want to vent

So I’ve been having episodes for months where I ‘freeze’ or am paralyzed. It started happening just when I was relaxing at home and now has gotten to where it can happen unless I am actively involved doing something and moving continuously. I sometimes have ‘tic’ or muscle spasms during them. My head hurts very often and I’m fatigued all the time. I went to see my primary care doc mainly about this issue and to follow up on concerns about being misdiagnosed as having pcos and perhaps instead having cushings.

I left with a referral to an endocrinologist and being told I needed to exercise more bc I’m still gaining weight and my blood sugar is up despite starting metformin and my appetite decreasing. I was also told to double my metformin, which has further decreased my appetite. I’m currently now snacking for breakfast and lunch and eating one meal at supper time unless someone actively takes me to get food bc I’m too fatigued to search out food.

The endocrinologist got in touch and I have an appointment in March. My paralysis spells have gotten more frequent and longer lasting and after a lot of coaxing from my family I emailed my pcp and asked point blank for a neurologist referral and to tell them I needed an emergency appointment. That was last Monday and today I finally got a call. From a sleep dr. Note that I already see a sleep dr for my sleep apnea. And they set me up an appointment. In August. 9 months away.

My family wants me to email my pcp again but I really don’t want to as I struggle with communication anyway and am also wary as she has scoffed at me and scolded me before for not taking my meds correctly and I don’t want to feel belittled. Their other idea is just going to the emergency room but I don’t want them to dismiss me as being dramatic or faking it. The er would also be more expensive than a dr visit. However if I wait I’ll likely have to pay more for any tests bc I won’t have met my deductible.

Add to this that I have no money bc my health problems have made me unable to work some days and my hours are being cut already due to the start of the slow season and my tips have decreased which usually make up over half of my paycheck. I need to get a second job. Especially since my sister already has two jobs and is contemplating taking on a third. But again I am fatigued all the time and can barely function and struggle getting hired in general anyway.

But the spells of paralysis are getting longer and longer and happening multiple times a day. I’m so scared there’s something wrong with me. My dad died of brain cancer and my grandma is currently dying from a brain tumor. But doctors’ lack of urgency makes me feel like I’m being stupid and dramatic.

[shyvioletlife]

Hi I���m super upsetti and in my emotions right now so I’m gonna actually use tumblr as a personal blog for once

Situation: my friend/roommate and I have been living together for three years. Two of those were with other people who moved out last year and my friend and I decided to stay in the same house and continue living together. At the time of resigning the lease, they had a steady job and had been at said job for nearly a year, and were looking into other jobs down the line to upgrade to while getting their masters

Shortly after we resigned the lease, they had a series of really good interviews for a new job and were so hopeful about it that they decided (in a decision I was informed about only after it was already said and done) to put in their two weeks with the current job before even getting hired

Spoiler alert:they never got hired at that job

Suddenly instead of having some split on the rent, I was forced to take on the entire rent ($2,020 plus bills, mind you) every month. That’s my entire income. It’s only thanks to some inheritance that I didn’t need to worry about being catapulted into living paycheck to paycheck but every month I would be drained of more money as every single cent I earned went just to rent and bills, and any money I spent on top of that immediately proceeded to skim more money out of my savings.

It took five months for them to get hired again, and then another month after that before they were even put on the schedule to start working (the place was going down the drain and had a leadership crisis so nobody was communicating, supposedly) and they miraculously also got hired at a second place on their college campus but I guess they requested(??) that job not start until the next semester(????).

Even after getting hired they proceeded to then call out at least once a week or every other week. All of the money they made went immediately to catching up with and paying off all of their own stuff, which is very understandable when you’ve been unemployed for a while, but is still exhausting when I’m still not seeing a cent of my paychecks since I’m too busy covering their ass on all the shared bills and rent.

Around this time we did finally manage to get some other roommates who were good for helping on the rent and did so promptly, so thankfully at least some of the load was relieved.

Even so, now we are all moving out and yet another problem has arisen as we run down to the wire. The two who moved in later have fully moved out and cleaned up after themselves, and are volunteering to come in and help with the remaining cleaning. I split up my move into two major parts of furniture first, then possessions a couple weeks later, so I’m about to enter the final drive to move said possessions and do a full house clean in the next couple days

Roomie one rushed their move because they didn’t want to be the last one in the house and did not manage to secure enough storage space with their limited funds, and so has now ended up leaving a whole bunch of their possessions behind. Supposedly they can come up on the very last day to do the last of the cleaning, but they can’t take any more of their possessions and is essentially discarding them for either the landlord or me to take care of

Extra fun fact I haven’t yet mentioned: I’m the only one with any money in the security deposit anymore, and if the landlords decide to keep the whole thing I’m the only one who stands to lose all of those $2000 dollars. I have no guarantee I’ll get any of it back in the first place, because I’ve never moved out of a lease under this company before, but I can’t help but be pissed off that my roommate is just abandoning the rest of the possessions for me to deal with and now I have to take them with me or discard them myself if I want to prevent further fees from the landlords.

Anyway I’m exhausted and sick and tired of dealing with this whole situation. There’s plenty of nuance to their side of the story I haven’t written down, but as the person who knows and understands that nuance I can’t help but feel mislead and lied to that someone who was supposed to be able to meet me as an equal and a friend in this living situation essentially took advantage of my kindness and loyalty to the people I care about to keep screwing me over. They say they feel terrible and that they were trying really hard to remedy their joblessness and they they’ll pay me back for all the money I had to fork over to cover them but I’ve always been an actions speak louder than words type of person and so far their actions have done nothing but screw me over

[squeakysleeper]

12/10/22

I am going to complain wholeheartedly in this one I’ve got conversations rattling around upstairs that suck.

This man. This fucking guy.

It’s been since before Thanksgiving since I’ve spoken with my soon-to-be ex-husband and that is a relief so I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard today. I’ve told people about this in a ‘can you believe this shit’ borderline haha way because if you can’t laugh about it what can you do? I am not laughing today.

I’ve wanted kids at different points in the last ten years, desperately so. It came in waves because my spouse either vehemently didn’t want them or I felt we weren’t in a safe place for it then, but in the last few years that dream had been crushed under the realization that my spouse was indeed the type to be resentful of anything that might get in the way of him running his solo show. There was never a team effort with him, and hell, he often resented me for asking him for help with our joint bills like the fucking utilities because he wouldn’t have his entire paycheck to spend on clothes and weed. He made more than me but could run through an entire paycheck in a day with nothing to show for it. I was desperately clutching at straws too keep us afloat. Not a great environment for kids and fuck I’d be damned before I raised a child in a two parent household where they had to bear the brunt of being unloved or resented or abused by one of them.

But I stayed, because I felt it was still my responsibility to care for this man because even though he’s fucking thirty good damn years old, leaving him to deal with bills and basic needs like food and shelter that he has never once tried to help with or learn despite my literal begging over the years somehow felt on par like leaving a baby in the middle of the street. Not to mention the casual ‘if I didn’t have you I’d kill myself’ statements I’ve had to fucking catch with both hands so many times, so you know, I just gave up those dreams and stayed.

And I knew he had a kid, he’d knocked up a girl in highschool. When I found out about it at 18 I was worried that because he had nothing to do with that child, that might not look good for any children we might have after marriage and between that and two instances of SA that I was dealing with that year, one done by him (though considering the other was far more severe and at the forefront of mind, I somehow didn’t connect it for exactly what it was until years later and had mostly excused it under ‘horny teenage boy behaviour that was still horrendously not okay but somehow forgivable’ ) I tried to leave. Before we ever were married.

My mother wouldn’t have it. Turned it into a strongly implied ‘you will marry him or you aren’t my daughter’ situation. Excused the child by saying ‘eh he’s a kid’ when he was absolutely 17. Old enough to deal with consequences of having a baby.

So we were put back on track and a few years later we married.

We were not happy, he kept dropping jobs and I kept getting older and in let me tell you in a small country town they seem to think your womb dries up at 25 so there was a lot of pressure and absolutely no security. When we found it later for a short time after moving across country the subject of children came up and was shut down very swiftly and vehemently by his lack of desire to have them. He didn’t want them to ruin his life, said he never wanted them despite our many conversations prior to marriage where he was enthusiastic about the concept with me. That fucking sucked.

Later that year, I learned he was having an affair with a woman with a kid, both of which he would take places and spoil rotten, often with the money we desperately needed.

I stuck it out for a few more years once that ended and the children discussion came up a few more times, and either he would shut it down or near the end when he shockingly started to bring it up, I would because our marriage still wasn’t healthy and fuck if that’s not a great start to any new life. In the last year, though emotionally our life together was still a minefield, financially we had actually started to pull in more money than we had ever had, and a future like that began to seem possible with help, lie counselling or couple’s therapy. Truth be told, it never should have been, and I should have known better but want can make you blind and I spent a lot of time in that marriage wanting many things, and chose a willful ignorance of both the abuse I was being dealt and also the fact that at that time anyone else would look at his behaviour and clock it as a man with an obvious affair and I wasn’t an idiot, but he said it wasn’t and I wanted to believe him because the alternative was too frightening for me to handle so I did.

It wasn’t until I was smacked in the face via definitive proof of the affair that had been going on for over a year, that I did anything about it. Another woman with a kid he adored and spoiled beyond all reason, because of course. I found the strength to bail (and he had to leave first, a week before I even knew, though he tried to come back immediately).

After he got violent toward himself and me very suddenly (he didn’t hit me but he kicked in a door) a friend came and picked me up early since we were scheduled to move elsewhere a few days later. My spouse called to tell he had tried to commit suicide among other things, including crying and asking me to come back and hold him because his girlfriend had ghosted him, which he blamed on me because he was certain we were talking even though I’ve never spoken to her and have zero desire to and was in fact probably due to his increasingly erratic behaviour that I also wouldn’t want around a child. I also found out in those few days that the girl he’d gotten pregnant in high school hadn’t actually cut him off the way I thought, and that the real reason he hadn’t spoken to his family in ten years was that she had been trying to contact him about his son the entire time and was an active part of the family even without him around. Fucking. Wild.

But the thing that’s rattling around up there today is something he said and I could not tell you when except that it was after I knew about everything. He told me that he knew I wanted a child, and in the future when I was ready he wanted to be the one to give that to me. He didn’t want me to feel like he’d taken that from me after ten wasted years so he offered to knock me up at a time of my choosing as some kind of fucked up consolation prize.

What. The. Fuck.

Today I am livid. Today I am spitting fire. All of the horrible things that fucking man has done to me for years, all of the emotional trauma and gaslighting and financial stress that I bore alone for ten. years. The fucking audacity.

‘Well, since I clearly don’t think you have options or respect your feelings or general autonomy and I don’t want you to come out of all of this with no potential future here let mE PUT A FUCKING BABY IN THERE FOR YOU’

I’m not fine but I can’t actually scream I’ll scare my roommates and the cats.

Fuck that guy honestly.

Fuck that fucking asshole. Fuck.

[satoreu]

late night paychecks

business man!toji x fem!reader, smut

part one: friday of distress

warnings: blowjob, praising “good girl”, gagging, cursing (a lot), big dick toji (duhh), toji is a MOANER

who exactly was this man, and why were you having one of the most heated make out sessions of your life with him? the second you got into the hotel you wanted your hands all over his body, only if he allowed you to. instead your arms were pinned against the wall by his strong muscular arms, making you uncomfortable by the urge to embrace him. it was oh so unfair with the way his hands were all over you though. and you just couldn’t help but let out whimpers of complaints, only turning the man on even more.

“ahh fuck-“ you say in between breaths of the sloppy kisses, “please just let me- let me-“

oh wait a minute, how did you even get to this point?

the friday you expected to be the time of rest only became the night of distress. it was your boss who came up to you and said that you were fired. something you’d never expect within this timeline. what was it that you even fucked up? and when you looked over all of it- oh yeah… a lot was fucked up. by you.

and so you dragged yourself to the nearest bar, not caring that it was actually quite the fancy type. you sat on the stool waiting for the bartender to give you something that’ll make you feel lighter. while waiting you stressed about the bills and taxes that are waiting to be paid. and thinking about the long run, how long will it take for you to get a new job? will you look for some sort of side hustle? the job you just got fired from wasn’t even paying you a lot. and it’s not like you deserved to get paid any more… as you started sipping on your drink, your thoughts became a little more unorganized. so everything became, “i need money NOW.”

you were contemplating whether or not to start sobbing in the middle of the bar, until a man sat next to you. you quickly noticed him, but what caught your eye the most was his aura. there was something unmistakably obvious about his aura. not sure why you could notice it. but you just did.

he looked incredibly sexually frustrated. and admittedly- no, it’s a fact, he looked extremely sexy. but if anything, the hickeys and marks on his neck gave him away. although he didn’t look any type of satisfied at all. when he sat down he noticed you staring and was quick to respond,

“what’s that look for?”

you were on the way to being drunk so you didn’t exactly know how to react, and you felt yourself stumble a bit. “nothing- sorry…” and you quickly looked away. his gaze still lingered until he called the bartender to get him a drink of some sort.

few minutes later, the drink started to kick in. you sort of thanked yourself for having a high alcohol tolerance because any more drunk and you would be embarrassing yourself right now. you felt the heavenly feeling of the weight coming off your shoulder, and your brain on the way to cloud nine. not until you hear the man tapping his finger against his glass quite loud. it wasn’t the alcohol that made it seem this way, but he definitely looked more frustrated. striking up a conversation with the ounce of soberness you had left in you, his attention turned to you.

“you doing alright?” he wasn’t, but it surprised you that he gave you a full honest answer.

“no. this chick i had plans with started ranting about how what we’ve been doing was cheating on her boyfriend. no shit it was. so i left.“

you nearly let out an audible laugh. it kind of hyped you up for wherever this conversation was gonna go. he seemed amusing, for sure a good distraction.

“sounds rough. you look like the busy type so i see what you mean.” you only assumed so because of the messy pair of slacks and white buttoned up shirt he was wearing. you know, the typical business attire with a tie.

“yeah, i am. she was the last girl i’ve been paying and now i need to find someone new.”

paying? you wondered what that meant until you noticed he started staring at you. the all of you. his eyes wandered all over your body, and now you started getting self conscious because you realized what you were wearing. your pencil skirt from work that was hiked up making your inner thighs peek out, and a random sweater you threw on because you couldn’t handle the uncomfortable stiffness of your work shirt and blazer. you realized you looked a little silly.

what you didn’t realize was that this lowkey turned the man sitting next to you on. what other purpose does a woman have wearing a short skirt to a bar, or so they say. whoever he heard that from. he leaned in a little towards you,

“you know..” his low raspy voice that you only now realized was so low and raspy because of how close he was, started to say things you weren’t expecting. “i could really use someone new.”

you were getting really nervous. you got fired from your job and now a sexy hot man was seducing you?! what in the hell was this friday of distress bringing you. he was incredibly close to you, and his big arm started to wrap around the back of your stool so his lips could touch the tip of your ears.

you were so turned on. words weren’t even being passed the fuck on but you knew for sure what was being said. alright, you wanted this man for sure. when your hand started to linger towards his muscular thigh, you got a glimpse of how close you two were seating. tracing lines on his thigh, you lightly smile up at him.

“new? for what exactly?” that’s when his lips ghosted your ear and he whispered,

“to suck me off.”

woah. your legs almost visibly shook and you were sure that wetness was starting to pool. didn’t know this man could get any hotter.

but you were nearly sober again, and you knew better to not give in so fast. you started to tease a bit.

“hmm.. that doesn’t sound so fun.” you pouted. he smiled so handsomely that your heart gushed. that scar next to his lips added so much more flavor to him.

“not even for a payment?” now this spiked your interest. thinking back on how you wanted some money and almost money hungry, this was very appealing.

“what payment we talking about?”

“thousands, baby.”

oh.

the air in the hotel was getting so hot that it was suffocating, but you were distracted by the feeling of his big muscular hands and sloppy kisses all over you. he towered over you and you caught a look at how good looking his face is. and with him panting and the slight sweat starting to form on his temple, he was oh so fine. he moved you towards the bed, but sat on it first. he looked up at you with such a devilish smile that you almost didn’t mind going to hell for that one second.

“here now baby, do your job.”

oh yeah, you had to do what you were gonna be payed for. well don’t mind if you do, that’s a win-win in someone’s book.

you slowly strutted towards him and sneakily took your clothing off one by one, giving him a little show. his cock was on the verge of bursting out from what you could see. your mouth was drooling at the sight that you could not wait to get on your knees.

he removed his belt and unbuttoned his pants for you, revealing his huge dick in all its glory right in front of you. god it is so fucking big.

he smirked down at you and you bit your lip at the thought of how good his dick must feel. no need to dream about it though, because now your fingers started to linger against the sides of it.

you brought your hand to the base of his cock and wrapped around it firmly making him hiss. finally you brought your lips toward his tip and gave it the prettiest kisses he’s ever seen. your tongue started to lick the hole and gradually moved around the whole head. the feeling started to build up and became intense for him. he softly grabbed onto your hair to secure your mouth onto him.

“o-oh fuck… yes baby, juuuust like that…” his words nearly a whisper, but so deep and sexy. you were so wet from his moans and grinding against your tongue that these panties wouldn’t be good enough to use anymore. you squeezed your legs together to get some sort of friction down there. you wanted more, and so you sinked his cock into your mouth until it hit the back of your throat. he was loving this.

“ooooh my god.. mmh fuck- fuck.. your mouth feels so fucking good, holy shit.”

giving him a slight suck while started to move your head up and down, he only let out so much more sounds.

“such a good girl, good fucking- girl ahh yeah, more- give me more…”

his moans, his words, his voice, you were so horny by him and him only. so many liquids were being mixed in your mouth right now that you couldn’t identify which was which. could you taste your saliva or his precum? turns out it was both.

the grip he had on your hair became tighter and tighter, rougher and rougher, and soon enough he was the one moving your head against his cock. his thrusts to your mouth were so intense for you that you were starting to gag, but the feeling was so good that it had you moaning. your moans sent vibrations against him so good that his head swung back.

“fuck yeah baby, wanna make me cum? want me to cum in your pretty little mouth?” so much moans, he was moaning so fucking much you couldn’t handle it. you were on the verge of cumming untouched.

“hmmm ha… ahh… oooh…”

you were fondling his balls while gagging on him. you didn’t care that he was too big to the point where his cock was on the verge of fucking down your esophagus, you just wanted to take him all. he looked down and saw the tears that were starting to pour out your eyes, so he wiped them away with his thumb so caringly while praising you.

you moved your other hand to caress his abs but he grabbed your hand from it, a bit obvious he didn’t want you to touch him there. this made you confused and you wanted to ask him, until he started to cum.

“baby i’m cumming- fuck-“ removing your mouth from him and sticking your tongue out like a good girl, he spilled so much on your face. his moans during his orgasm was heavenly. you sucked him clean until he returned from his high. so slowly you were licking all over his dick like it was your last meal, and it felt so good that he was considering asking you to keep going. but alas, he grabbed a tissue near by and wiped your face. standing up, you sat on him to start kissing him.

he was kissing you so slowly making the heat roam all over your body. he continued flicking his tongue against yours and you felt your pussy tingle in so much satisfaction. salivas combining creating some kind of horny concoction for you two. you’ve never felt such a hot kiss in your life, nor have you felt so aroused by it. you were so excited for what was gonna come next that you were ready to go completely naked.

that was until he slowly pushed you away to start buttoning his pants up. you look up at him from the bed,

“are we… done here?” was he gonna put them back on and then fuck you? is it something he’s into? there’s no way he was gonna leave you so hot and bothered.

“of course. that’s all you needed to do. i’ll send you your payment in a bit.” your heart sank and filled with frustration. fuck, you shouldn’t have given him your number during the car ride here. well, as if that was gonna stop him from leaving. you sat there dumbfounded.

he finished fixing himself and he gave you one last kiss to the forehead.

“make sure to leave by tomorrow morning at 10.”

reblog if u enjoyed, part two is slowly in the making. i’m also not sure how many parts this mini series might have!

and lmk if you’d like to join the taglist for the next parts :D

[copperbadge]

How did you get started with investing? I've seen you talk about it before and I know that's something I need to do, but I feel so lost in terms of which companies to invest in and how much money I should put in. I have retirement accounts but nothing outside of that. And really, I feel like I can't talk to anyone IRL about this because I'm too embarrassed - I'm literally a CPA and do corporate taxes for a living but still find investing to be so intimidating 😞.

I mean, when people say "you should be investing" often, until you reach a certain wealth level, they are actually referring to your 401K. This is more general advice for the readers, but don't feel bad if you're not investing outside of retirement, especially if you're early in your career or if you're in a job where you don't have much disposable income. Don't feel bad in general, honestly, even if you haven't got a retirement fund at all; life is hard and money is necessary but stupid.

I only really started to invest invest in the last two years and even then I'm pretty conservative about it. On the plus, as a CPA, you will probably have a leg up in terms of knowing a lot of financial terms and kind of...understanding how money works in at least some sense.

I actually got started studying investing with my retirement fund. I was young and broke and mad that a chunk of my paycheck was going into my 401K when I could use that money NOW (see Sam Vimes Boots Theory for more on why ready cash now can often beat more cash later). I didn't know much about finance but I knew that a) I was basically being forced to play the financial markets with that money and b) the fate of our country's economy is tied to the stock market which is a mood ring hooked up to a roulette wheel. Being the Oldest Living Millennial I also understood I might not actually ever get to retire, so I decided to treat my retirement fund like Monopoly money: real but meaningless. And so I thought, well, let's Learn About Investing with it.

When you invest with a 401K or IRA usually you're not buying straight stocks; you're buying some conglomeration of investments bundled together as a fund (this is not a technical term, fund has a specific meaning in the technical sense, but it's easier to just use fund as a shorthand so I'm gonna). These can include stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and other more esoteric vehicles. So I started looking into the funds available to me -- there's the "retire in this year" fund that most people just dump all their money into, but there were also ways to invest in small businesses abroad, in health care or in funds that are "socially responsible", ways to buy into funds that did nothing but attempt to keep up with inflation, and on and on.

I didn't know any of that, of course -- I just saw something like "International Explorer Fund" and decided it sounded interesting and I'd learn what it was and what it did, and when I was satisfied that the reward was worth the risk, I'd dump some cash from my 2045-Retirement investment into it. While "past performance is no indication of future success" past performance isn't a bad way to at least pick something to research, and usually there's an earnings graph on the fund's prospectus page. I'd start reading prospectuses and looking up every word I didn't know or felt had a specific context I was missing (mostly on Investopedia, a GREAT resource). I'd take the term, add it to a vocabulary list, and rewrite "what is this and what does it do" in my own words. Eventually I internalized a lot of the terminology but I still check my notes once in a while.

There are financial literacy courses you can take, of course, and I don't think you should be AT ALL ashamed about trying to find a good one (lots of scams out there) or asking colleagues about them. "Hey, I'm not comfortable with my level of literacy about investment vehicles; do you know of any good educational material or class that would fill in the gaps?" is a good way to go about it. Very few people know jack shit about investing and my level of knowledge is just BARELY above jack shit, to be honest, so no shame, my friend. It is also totally fine to find a financial planner or investment advisor outside of your work and have a sit-down with them to get advice, which is what my parents do. Many banks offer that kind of service, so check with wherever you do your banking, and almost any retirement fund administrator (like Vanguard or American Funds) will be happy to send someone to meet with you and advise you. I was never prouder of my financial self-education than the one time I met with a guy from Vanguard who said, "Basically, keep doing what you're doing, this is a model portfolio."

Once I was investing in my retirement funds more confidently, I got the RobinHood app and started studying stocks, which is really just like, "find a stock and do a book report on it". Look at past earnings, who the CEO of the company is, what their board makeup is like, what they're doing in the news. And of course the most important advice: Never, ever invest money in the stock market that you aren't prepared to lose.

Aside from my stock adventures on RobinHood, which is about five hundred dollars that I turned into a thousand dollars over a couple of years, I have money in a few savings accounts. I don't have CDs or money market accounts or any of that, because I still don't have quite enough cash to make it worth it. I just parked some in a credit union that pays 6% interest on the first $1K you put in, and the rest in Betterment, which had a 2% interest rate when I started but now is down to .3% which is a bummer. But I haven't found another vehicle like Betterment which allows you equally easy access to your money while having as intuitive and modular an online interface.

So overall, aside from retirement (which is at $116K, which seems impressive until you remember you're supposed to retire with 25x your yearly salary in your 401K) I have a grand in the stock market, a grand in a 6%-interest savings account with a credit union, a grand in an emergency-only savings account attached to my checking, and roughly five grand with Betterment. It's a fairly conservative setup but I'd like never to be poor ever again, so I'm hedging carefully :D

Some great resources that I've used include:

Investopedia

Planet Money podcast by NPR and its sister podcast, The Indicator

The Financial page of the newspaper (I used to read NYT, now I read Tribune)

Rankandfiled.com, a free stock filings resource site that basically scrapes the SEC for financial data -- this is for if you really want to do a deep dive once you've got more experience

Good luck! It's a slog at first, but eventually it gets kinda fun :)

[dksw0rld]

23 Things I’ve Learned In 23 Years

I turn 24 in less than a month (which blows my mind) and today I had the idea to list 23 things I’ve learned in my Jordan Year and the years prior. This year has been insane. Like legit insane. I have elevated so much, grown so much, cried so much, laughed so much, traveled home more than I thought I would just to be around family, I’ve loved, I’ve definitely lost but most importantly, I found myself. Who I was always meant to be. So, with that being said, 23 things I’ve learned in 23 years:

1. You are your home. Treat yourself as such.

This year I realized that I only get one body. One chance, really. To treat my body like the temple it is. My body has carried me through every single thing I’ve been through. My body has kept me alive all of this time. It (and you) deserves to be treated with the utmost love and care. 

2. If you want it, it’s yours. No questions asked.

This is the year I really got into manifestation and LOA and I’ve mastered it in that time because I learned not to complicate it. If you want it, it’s yours. Simple. Live in this truth and watch your life change. You deserve your dream life but better yet, you have it. 

3. Living for other people is boring.

Being yourself is so much more fun. Not caring what people think is so freeing and you owe it to yourself to live authentically. You only have one chance. Plus, the world needs who you were made to be. What the world doesn’t need is any more carbon copies. It has enough of those!

4. Use all of your vacation time and sick time. You deserve it and it’s not selfish.

Using your vacation time to take trips, experience life, sleep in a little extra longer with your lover, taking the day to just relax and watch movies all day. Whatever you choose to do with your vacation time, make sure you use it. ALL. Your job gets your full attention and effort every day you’re there. You are allowed to want and need days for yourself. And never feel guilty about it! But, always leave a little cushion until the end of the year just in case you get sick or an unexpected event comes up. If you still have that cushion by the end of the year, make sure you use it!

5. Saving money is great and extremely necessary but so is living and enjoying what you work for.

You work to be able to live, yes but the key word in that sentence is LIVE. You don’t exist to work, pay bills and that’s it. You’re exchanging your time for the money you make. After you pay yourself (putting up some money in your savings), use the rest to actually live life. Go to the mall and buy yourself something you like every paycheck, buy the groceries you need AND want, get a massage or facial. Money is not just for paying bills, it’s also to enjoy life.

6. Being lonely is okay. Use that time for yourself.

This year I was pretty isolated for a lot of the time. Due to COVID but also due to losing a lot of people. I was pretty lonely but in that time, I focused on myself and learned and grew so much and I had a ball doing it. You don’t need friends or a partner to have fun!

7. With #6 in mind, alone time is necessary.

Tying into the last point, having alone time is necessary to recharge. Always being around people and around noise drowns out your inner voice. Every day, at the very least every week, make sure you schedule in time to enjoy things by yourself. That’s how you get to know yourself most and how you recharge your energy battery.

8. Life is too short to be embarrassed.

Being embarrassed is literally make believe. If you aren’t embarrassed than no one else will be embarrassed for you. If you act embarrassed than other people will be embarrassed for you too. Laugh it off, own it and move on!

9. Everything you go through is a lesson. 

Look for what the situation is trying to teach you. If you don’t, the lesson will repeat until you get it. Might as well try your best to understand the lesson the first time and apply what you learned. It saves a lot of heartache. 

10. Nothing is wrong with being a hopeless romantic but be smart about it.

Romance is amazing. It feels so good and it fills your heart up with love. But not everybody out here has the best intentions. Before you give them everything, honestly before you give them anything, make sure as best as you can that they have good intentions. Truthfully, if you don’t sense true interest in you during the first conversation, leave because they aren’t going to be worth it. Protect your heart as best as you can. That doesn’t mean you can control everything though.

11. Heal before entering into anything new 

With love, sometimes you get hurt. You try your best to make sure that person is right for you but sometimes it just doesn’t work out or that person wasn’t who they pretended to be. But, the person you’re dealing with now is not the person that hurt you. It isn’t fair to assume they’ll treat you the same way as your ex. Drop that baggage before entering into anything new. You owe it to yourself to not carry that excess weight around and it’s not fair for your new partner to be weighed down by luggage that is yours. It’s painful and not fun to hear but it’s true.

12. Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready 

Before starting this journey, I got caught not being ready too many times. I had to shave last minute before my man came over, I had to run out and buy an outfit before an event because I didn’t plan ahead and then had to just throw the outfit together, I ran out the house with ugly sweats and a sweatshirt on and ran into someone of importance while out, etc. Only after starting this journey did I learn to always stay ready. #1 always looking your best should be the standard for yourself, #2 it elevates your vibe which attracts more like to you. 

13. Drink water before any other beverage in the morning 

Just do it. Your body needs it after sleeping and processing everything you went through the previous day. While you’re at it, find out how much water you need to drink for your specific body and drink that amount of water daily.

14. Listen to your body 

A part of the journey to being high value is valuing your body. Valuing your body includes listening to it. Eat when you’re hungry. Stop eating when you first feel full. If you feel exhausted, skip the gym and rest your body. Not listening to your body only ends in your body screaming at you so you will listen. Which usually results in medical bills you don’t want to pay.

15. A cheat meal every now and then won’t kill you or your progress

During this journey, specifically the healthier lifestyle part, you tend to want to ex out anything unhealthy you once enjoyed. That works for some but for most, it makes the changes unsustainable and the change not as fun. There is nothing wrong with being invited to dinner and getting the steak and fries instead of ordering a salad. Food is made as medicine to our bodies, to fuel us but sometimes that medicine is meant for our souls. One unhealthier meal every now and then won’t kill you or the progress you’ve made. 

16. Your parents aren’t always right but they’re pretty darn close to it

You are an adult yes, but if you’re struggling, need some guidance or just need another opinion, your parents dealt with a lot of the stuff you’re now dealing with. They can give you invaluable guidance. It’s still always your choice if you want to apply it or not. Either way, you’ll most likely find out they were right.

17. Living on your own is more beneficial than you realize

Moving into my own apartment activated growth in ways I never even dreamed of. If I had stayed at home and not ventured out on my own I would be a way different person than I am now. Now of course not everyone has the means to do this right away but trust me, it’s beneficial to live on your own for a while. You learn so much about yourself and the world.

18. Watch what you let into your energy and space

People. Music. TV. Movies. Social Media. All of it. Your energy is sacred and impressionable. Be careful who and what you let influence it. Watching scary movies all the time, listening to degrading rap music all the time, that stuff has subliminals in it. People can also influence your energy and spirit negatively. Protect yourself like the prize you are and be discerning with who and what you let in.

19. Privacy always wins

For the reason above in regards to people, protect your life by protecting your privacy. Not everyone needs to be privy to your personal information, your goals, your body, you in general. Sometimes it’s better to not tell anyone anything. You don’t need to explain anything that way. There’s not so many prying and / or hateful eyes that way. Protect your peace. Protect your goals and vision. Protect your quality of life.

20. Stop waiting for a special occasion 

Being alive is the special occasion. Wear the dress. Buy the bag. Celebrate yourself. Romanticize your life. Life is the biggest blessing of all. You should be celebrating that every day. You don’ t need to wait for a special time or occasion to do anything. Having breath to fill your lungs is the special occasion. YOU are the special occasion.

21. You don’t need to be good at something to do it

Who even said you needed to be good at something or it’s not a hobby or something you enjoy doing? If you suck at painting but it relieves stress for you, do it. If you love to express your feelings through writing fantasy but you feel it’s not the best, so what? Hobbies and activities are meant for enjoyment. It’s not always about maximizing it for profit or being the best. Plus, the more you do it the more you’ll improve anyways. Although that’s not the point of doing a hobby.

22. The nice guy is almost always a better pick over the hot one

I’ve learned that sometimes, the nice guy you’re talking to just to talk to, ends up being the guy you fall for. The one you may not be AS physically attracted to than the guy with abs and muscles. More than not, the nice guy is the one that ends up being the most compatible and worthy of your time. The one that brings you flowers. The one that pays for everything. The one that makes you feel as loved and as special as possible. Some of you ladies who are more into hypergamy and leveling up in that capacity might not agree and/or think I’m crazy and that’s okay. For what I’m looking for, this point has been true more times than not.

23. The best investment you’ll ever make is investing in yourself

I am very careful about how I spend my money until I reach all of my financial goals. It’s how I’ve always been. But, growing up, that translated into me not spending any money on myself and if I did I would feel so guilty about it because I didn’t save it. Following this journey, I realized that I am more than worth investing in. Nail salon trips, hair appointments, eyebrow waxes, clothes shopping, taking myself out to eat, going to the movies because I enjoy it, booking a trip to go somewhere, buying the book because I enjoy reading, all of it. I’m worth investing in - physically and mentally. I pay myself first and the rest is disposable income I earned the right to spend and enjoy.