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ilovetoxicfictionalmen · 1 year ago

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Female Company

Pairing - Shivering Soldier Dunkirk x fem!reader

Summary - You decide to give the shivering soldier some company in hopes to make him feel better, you do indeed.

Warnings - dubcon, handjob, blow job, rough.

Word count - 1.8k

Notes - Shivering soldier Cillian is underrated, also difficult to write so sorry if horrible writing as this felt rushed.

“Perhaps some female company would make him feel better” Peter, your brother suggested. All six eyes turned onto you, making your heart skip a beat. “Feel less intimidated and what not” Peter added.

Since you had saved the shivering soldier from the shipwreck, he had been at mute, refusing to show any signs of communication with anyone. He was down below deck, getting warm and hopefully to become more comfortable around these friendly strangers.

It was risky, you weren’t even really allowed on the Moonstone anyways. But you wanted to help, your father raised you properly, you were a qualified nurse for the army, you were here to help.

“I’m sure I can be good enough company” George interjected. George didn’t like it, the thought of you being alone down there with the shivering soldier, but that was more out of jealousy than obligation.

Mr Dawson shook his head towards George, then looked towards you. “I’m sure you’ll be able to make him feel comfortable enough sweetheart” your father gave you a pure smile. “And, God forbid if anything were to happen, we are all right here” Mr Dawson ached, raising his hands slightly at the thought of something bad occurring.

But your father trusted you, you were a good person who followed pure morals. All your life you’ve helped others, what’s one more soldier to the list? George gave an iffy look but decided to remain silent, looking out the ocean with his fists forming under his sleeves.

The small door creaked open as you stepped inside. “Hello?” You whispered as you lowered down the small ladder, you closed the small door behind you.

The shivering soldier was lying on the small, uncomfortable ship bed, a blanket wrapped around his cold body. His eyes were closed but you could tell he was awake. Slowly peeking open, the soldier stared you up and down. The soldier repositioned himself, sitting up on the thin mattress. You sat down next to him, the room was swaying in motion with the waves outside.

Sitting in silence for a while, you decided to break it. “Is there anything I can do for you? Water? More blankets?” You asked politely.

There were already such limited services you could provide for him, being on such a small boat and all. You were used to being able to help people, especially in these desperate times, but right now you feel hopeless.

After a short beat, the soldier mumbled his reply, “I’m okay, thank you”. You tried to read his expression, coming to the harsh thoughts that he didn’t seem to be amused to have you down here with him, that he just wanted to be alone after all, that you were intruding.

He was beautiful, despite his worn out expression and dirty, wet appearance. There were dark bags around his ocean blue eyes, and a couple of scratches over his face. You felt horrible for him, it was unimaginable what trauma the war can cause upon a man. No one would ever understand how terrifying and ruining his mind had become over this short time.

“Are you certain?” You checked, you’d hate that he would decline your help by either being too afraid or polite. There was no response from him. “Perhaps if you took off your jacket you could warm up faster” you suggested harmlessly, the soldier looked at you, his mouth was ajar open and eyes dark.

War tested men’s temptations, it demonstrated how much they really depended on a woman's touch. Men needed something to feel good about in these horrible days, their urges took over their logistics if no one was there to keep them in line. And right now you were defenceless in the beast’s cage, and he was off his chain.

In his defence, you were asking for it. Why else would you ask such a thing twice and then practically beg him to strip? The soldier quickly leant in and kissed you hungrily, his arms snaked around your body to keep you still. You were frozen, not sure how to react to his assault, his tongue slipped down your throat, hands gripping against your lower back as if life depended on it. His left hand moved to your breasts and kneaded them dispairly.

You’ve been kissed before, only once, but it was nothing compared to this, never so passionate and amorous.

A moan struggled to break out of your combined lips. Swiftly, he picked up your body and laid you onto your back, not as gently as you could hope, your hand reached for the ache stinging from the back of your head.

“Be a good little girl, and stay quiet, hm?” He ordered, his hand tapping your cheek to flatter you.

What else were you meant to do? Call out for help? Start a domestic between an old man, two kids and a war soldier? Even if you did so, what would happen afterwards, you’re on a boat deeply within the ocean.

The soldier felt your body with his rough hands, he was desperate to feel any touch, but too impatient to take it slow. Unbuttoning your shirt roughly, you were lucky that he didn’t rip off the buttons. The shape and look of your breasts made him believe he was already in heaven. When was the last time he’s felt a woman’s touch? How many countless nights of him dreaming for intimate touch? His mouth landed on your right breast first, then the left.

There wasn’t enough time, to properly feel you, to worship your body, to come over and over again. Your bodies felt the friction of the waves rocking yourselves back and forwards. Head in the palms of his hands, the soldier's hips were humping against yours, your legs wrapped around his small waist, he was groaning lowly, unable to contain himself, kissing your neck and side of your face.

Lying stiff underneath him, you couldn’t help but to moan back quietly, the fabrics between your bodies was too thick to feel the sensations fully, but this is the most touching of a man you’ve ever felt before, your back arched on the mattress.

“The fuck are you wearing pants for?” The soldier muttered, slapping the side of your thigh harshly. “How am I meant to fuck you without getting caught, aye?” He spat by your ear.

A lot of people still considered it taboo for women to wear pants, it took away femininity, and in this case, the easy access.

“M’sorry” you whimpered back underneath him, cheeks all flustered from the embarrassment and overwhelming situation.

“Guess you’re just going to have to put that mouth to better use” he sighed and sat up, he pulled you down to the ground, you landed on your knees. Repositioning you to be directly in front of him, he flexed his hips towards you. “Do you know how to suck cock?” He asked smugly.

“N-no” you whispered.

“Ever please a man at all before?” His eyebrow was cocked to you.

“No sir” you replied and he chuckled.

“That’s sweet, I’ll be quick anyways” he said with another tap to your cheek.

He gestured for you to put your hands onto his crotch, you could see the bulge through his damp pants but you didn’t expect it to feel so solid. It was like playing with a knick-knack, your hands travelled all around it, feeling its shape and size.

“Uh, alright, pull it out now, love” he purred, hand caressing the sides of your head with his eyes closed.

Your stomach turned at the way he called you love, you didn’t realise how badly you craved that validation. There was this undying small innocent smile on your lips, he looked down to you and gave you a smug smile back and a gentle pat on the cheek.

With shaking hands, you undid his belt and tugged down at his trousers. The soldier ended up helping you, not out of kindness, only restlessness. You gasped as he pulled out his cock, you didn’t realise it could be so – big. The soldier's cock was hairy as the base, had a couple of veins popping out at his length and had a pretty pink tip. If you knew any better about sex, you’d say that he’s already about to burst.

It was like natural instincts, he didn’t have to say anything, you automatically took his length in both hands, staring from the base and working your way up. He groaned and his head fell back, hands in your hair as you slowly worked your hands up and down his length. In another reality, he would have loved to have you take your time, worshipping his cock.

“Okay, sweetheart, I need your mouth around me right now” he hissed, leaning his upper body forward easily to push your head towards his member with his hands.

You pushed against him, your lips an inch away from his tip, okay, this was getting frightening now. The realisation of what you were doing below deck, could be interrupted at any moment, freaked you out. But that didn’t stop him, he pulled harder, making you yelp and your mouth pressed against his member. But you refused to open up for him, he rubbed your mouth and nose around his firm length, your hands pressed against his upper legs in an attempt to push free but it was pointless, you were whining.

“Fucking open up, you dumb whore” he spat, you mewled quietly, too afraid to catch anyone’s attention on deck. Reluctantly, you slowly opened your mouth and he slipped his tip in. “Ah, fuck” he muttered, the rocking of the boat, thrusted him deeper in and out of your mouth. He had no shame in swearing, muttering and whining underneath his breath, his balls already tightening. “Christ, I’m not going to fucking last-” he was breathless, eyes almost rolling back.

Forcing your mouth right down to his base, your cries were blocked by his size. There was no space to breathe, your jaw was aching and you were gagging. With how wide your mouth was, you were afraid that your jaw would lock, it was aching, the head of his cock hitting the back of your throat over and over again. Tears were running down your cheeks as he was groaning under his breath, eyes squeezed shut, nostrils flaring and jaw clenched.

Without a warning, he bursted right down your mouth, his legs shaking slightly, hands tightened around your hair. The soldier bit on his lower lip to silence his moan of pleasure as his cock was spurting out straight into your throat.

It tasted salty and bitter, your face scrunched up at the taste, but he didn’t pull out his member until you swallowed it all, it was difficult to swallow with his cock covering the entirety of your mouth. Slowly slipping himself out, he tucked himself back into his trousers and ran his hand through his hair.

Tears were slowly running down your cheeks, you felt your aching jaw softly and sniffled, the soldier pulled you up onto the bed and wiped your face clean with his bare hand. He sighed, looking you up and down. Giving you one last kiss, he murmured to you, “thanks for the company”.

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy x reader #cillian x fem!reader #dunkirk #dunkirk 2017 #dunkirk movie #shivering soldier #shivering soldier x reader

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queerweewoo · 4 months ago

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100% in the Buddie Team Switch tent over here btw bc these bastards are honestly just far too complex to ever be anything else imo. like Buck with his praise kink, all somebody please tell me i did good as i wasn't told this growing up by the people who were supposed to say it to me and it changed my brain chemistry by denying me of positive affirmations and molded me into a pliable thing that cannot help but take any shape others want me to so i just need need need you to please please tell me that i did good and that i am good and please will you help me to believe that i am as good as you're telling me i am by holding me down and forcing me to take all of you into all of me until I'm fucking convulsing with just how good it feels and how good i am at it, and bc i now know for sure how much you love it too as you're saying it out loud to me, over and over and over again... and Eddie, with absolutely everything in his life (outside of work) feeling so very out of his control and needing to gain some of it back by crushing Buck with his body weight and telling Buck exactly what it is he should be doing and precisely how to do it and have Buck whining and keening with how desperate he is to comply bc Buck has complete trust in Eddie, in Eddie's ability to make the right decision for whatever it is Buck needs, for what they both need, and having that allows Eddie to have the courage in his convictions that he often struggles to have outside of the(ir) bedroom when it comes to his emotions and that just feels so good to Eddie, to be doing it right, to be the one making Buck feel good, so good, and to actually be taking—for once in his life—what it is that he wants and allowing himself to have the things he desires, to have Buck, all for himself, because that is what feels good to him... but then there are those other times in Eddie's life that he has had to and has to be a sure and steady hand, a reliable go-to, be totally unshakeable and unbreakable and in charge of making decisions that affect countless people's lives—victims of war, those he tries his best to serve and save on calls, colleagues, friends, the people he cares for and those he loves the most in his life—and it's, well. it's A Lot. so much, actually, that Eddie sometimes needs to turn it off and just let it all go and allow somebody else take over and tell him what to do and when to do it bc he just needs to not think about it anymore, to not think at all, needs to just be a vessel for somebody else's decisions and desires and put his trust wholly in somebody else, in Buck, bc he doesn't always trust himself but Buck knows Eddie so well and so completely and understands what Eddie needs to get out of his own head and just have somebody tell him (outside of his job) that he did good for once, that he can get matters of the heart right instead of always wrong wrong wrong and have Buck tell him that yes, of course he's good for something, good for this, good for splaying himself wide open and taking everything he is given by Buck... and then there's the whole Buck (outside of work) having zero fucking clue of what he's doing and even tho he is trying his very best all of the time he's getting it wrong A Lot of the time, bc his best isn't always good enough so he has to try harder but then he's trying too hard, too much, which means he still isn't getting it right. and so to be able to be the one in charge of things and have his will and instruction be absolutely the right thing? the very thing that Eddie needs? that's such a heady experience, such a rush, and when he makes Eddie beg and cry with it and Eddie loves loves loves Buck for it—loves Buck for telling him how it should be and for Buck insisting on what he's giving being what Eddie deserves—that is Buck living and thriving and loving loving loving Eddie right back, with all the plundering depth that he has in him and can give and is... and that, all of that, is just. how it is. every facet of it; every logistic; every angle; every way and any way you look at it; every (s)which way.

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jaegeraether · 9 months ago

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Sunsets and footballers (Part 63)

Lucy Bronze x Reader (53)

Masterlist (other parts here)

Join our WOSO Discord chat! Link in bio. :)

((**3.9k**))

YFN POV

YFN was admiring Lucy as she padded into the living room in nothing but a towel, her body still steaming from her boxing workout with Alexia. She found her way to YFN who was sitting on the couch, holding her glasses out to her.

“What are you looking at?” She asked, putting her glasses on and the world coming back into focus.

YFN loved her in glasses. And she knew just how much Lucy hated wearing contact lenses.

“My girlfriend.”

Lucy grinned and leaned over the back of the couch. “Oh? I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

“Well I do, and she’s incredible. She’s pretty and funny and kind… so, so kind. Especially to kids. She wears glasses and has a little dog named Narla who she adores.”

“She sounds like a catch.”

“Oh, she is. I’m very lucky.”

“I dare say she thinks she’s the lucky one to have you…”

Lucy leant further over and they drifted together, their lips meeting softly as they breathed into the lingering kiss. Their mouths parted and they kissed again, their lips pressing together with love. YFN couldn’t help but moan into her mouth as Lucy tilted her head and brushed her tongue up against her own. She tried to follow as Lucy parted from her.

“God, I should have done that when you surprised me in Villarreal.” The footballer murmured against her cheek in that deep, Northumberland accent. The one that seemed to have a direct link to YFN’s core.

“Why didn’t you?” She whispered against her jaw, their lips exploring each other’s faces.

“I didn’t want to put that pressure on you with the crowd… but it took a lot of restraint.”

“Tell me how much restraint,” she whispered into her cheek.

“I… I…”

She loved having Lucy at a loss for words. YFN pulled the top of her towel out from where it was tucked and listened to it falling to the floor. Her fingertips found Lucy’s chest and played.

“This much?” She asked as she felt Lucy shuddering beneath her soft touch.

Her fingers found her nipple, now hard without the towel while her mouth moved across her jaw, down that neck of hers she was so obsessed with, down over her collarbone to take her free nipple in her mouth and suck. She licked the lubrication she needed onto it to be able to suck it loudly, moaning her enjoyment as Lucy’s hands gripped the back of the couch and she began to breathily moan how much she was enjoying it. Lucy was learning to be more vocal, which further encouraged YFN.

She pulled away with a wet suck and whispered against her. “This much?”

“Argh little one… don’t start what you can’t finish, love.”

Regardless of the accident, they were obsessed with each other, and always wanted each other so desperately. Lucy had been a lot more reserved and restrained with her broken body, though YFN knew the effect she had on her girlfriend and used that to remind her what she could make her feel. And so, Lucy was sold and since then it had been… interesting.

The logistics of the sex they’d been attempting to have was downright entertaining and Lucy’s creativity was the main reason for that. She was always trying to find a way without hurting her. There weren’t many positions that did work, however they always managed to make the most of their time together.

“Come over here and ride my thigh, Luce.”

Lucy paused, her breath now even more shaky against her cheek. She wanted to get off and hadn’t in that week as she’d been so focussed on YFN’s orgasm. That was enough for her most of the time, however YFN knew she was getting needy.

“I…” Lucy wanted to, she could hear it in her voice, but it had taken so long to get her to the stage where she’d be comfortable doing something like that. She wasn’t used to it being just about her, nor being in such a vulnerable position. They’d worked her into enjoying her fingers inside of her, but it was always dependent on how confident she felt.

“Lucia,” she whispered near her ear. “I can feel how desperate you are.” She breathed into her ear and bit the lobe.

Lucy’s body was fully trembling at this point. “O…kay. I’m coming.”

YFN was excited. She spread her legs and watched as her athlete of a girlfriend strode around the couch, completely naked besides the clear framed lenses she wore. YFN never knew where to look. Her thighs muscles contracting as she walked, her bare core, those little v lines, the abs she worked so hard for, her excited tits, bulging biceps, strong shoulders, pulsating neck, her beautiful face.

YFN was almost more nervous than Lucy. She grabbed the hem of her shorts and pulled it up as Lucy hesitantly straddled her thigh. She took her glasses off and put them beside the pair on the couch and leant in to her girlfriend.

“I’ve never done this before…”

“I know Luce.” Neither had she, but she wasn’t about to say that. “Just… use my thigh.”

Lucy ducked her head shyly next to her own and began to grind, YFN feeling the wetness of her body coating her skin. Fuck it was sexy.

“Find that good spot and work it, Luce.” She said as she lifted her thigh into her more. Lucy groaned and her grinding picked up. The way her hips moved was fucking unreal. It was so sexy that YFN was worried she’d come just from watching her. “That’s it… yeah Luce that’s it…”

Lucy’s pace picked up as she gained confidence, YFN making sure to encourage her along the way.

So that she’d keep momentum, YFN leant forwards and look her nipple into her mouth again, sucking while her free hand played. Lucy whimpered as she rode, one hand cradling the back of her head and the other gripping the couch like a vice.

“F…fuck…don’t stop little one.”

Her jaw was sore but there was no way she’d stop. Lucy became more vocal as she worked herself closer, YFN slowly increasing the pressure of her thigh on her.

“Ohmygod…” she whimpered out, close to the edge. She leant down and pulled the Australian’s head from her nipple to kiss her, opened mouthed and heavy. YFN whined into it, her tongue practically being fucked by Lucy’s.

Lucy pulled her mouth away and whispered against her lips desperately. “I love you so much, you have no idea. I’d do anything for you. I’m yours.”

Her lips crashed into her own again. Only when she was right on the very edge, her body desperately chasing that high of her clit against her thigh, did she stop kissing her as she came with a cry into the shoulder. Shy Lucy. Her body shuddered above her as she rode that wave down, YFN encouraging her and stroking her and kissing wherever she could.

She assumed Lucy would be done, that she would take that and then they’d laugh and flirt and have dinner, but no. Lucy had just begun. She moved her way down near her ankle and bent down on all fours, licking the orgasm from her thigh. It was the sexiest fucking thing YFN had ever seen. Suddenly, she was desperate to be touched.

When she was done, Lucy moved onto her knees on the floor between her legs and wriggled her shorts and underwear down over her ass and over her brace until they were off and she threw them away. Her hands came under the bottom of her ass and dragged her to the edge of the couch. They caught eyes once, and Lucy’s were almost feral, like she was desperate to taste her. She didn’t waste any time, her mouth finding her and doing what Lucy did best.

“Aargh. Fuck. Y…YES. Luce… argh!” Her tongue darted in and out of her hole, her mouth moving up and down as if she were purposely trying to wet her face as much as she could. She looked down at Lucy whose eyes were closed as she ate her with purpose. Lucy loved this.

With one arm, Lucy had her elbow resting on the couch, her hand gripping onto her thigh which was conveniently hooked over her shoulder. Her other hand was found eventually when she eased a finger inside of her as she worked her clit with her mouth. God, she really did love her fingers. She should have been embarrassed by the slick, wet sounds of Lucy’s finger pushing in and out of her, shortly becoming two fingers, though she wasn’t. She was horny, and she was close.

“Fu…ck. Argh.” She said as if she were frustrated. “Oh god, I’m so in love with y…ou. Argh… argh… y… you’re so good to me my Luce…”

Lucy didn’t lift her head to respond, but she did grunt into her and pick up her pace.

“Please don’t stop! I’m…. g..going to… argh I’m coming Luce… fuck!” She found Lucy’s hand and gripped it bone-shatteringly tight as she cried out so loud the neighbours would hear. Her body shuddered under her aggressively and as that wave of ecstasy rushed through her, she couldn’t give a damn about the pain in her ribs or collarbone. There was only bliss… and Lucy.

Lucy worked her down with large moments, as if she were eating a meal. If she hadn’t just come, she would have again very quickly. YFN tried to keep her breathing small to save her ribs and when she was able to control it better, she opened her eyes and found Lucy’s staring at hers, dark and still wanting. Fuck.

Lucy moved and with one hand under her lower back and the other under her thigh, she picked her up and carried her to the bedroom.

“L…Luce?” It sounded worried when really she was just unsure what was happening.

“I’m not done with you.”

She shivered. Two minutes later, she was half-naked on the bed, a pillow under her head, one under her lower back and braced knee, and Lucy was on top of her, carefully hovering just close enough for their bodies to touch, her tongue in her mouth. She had no idea what she had planned as they both had tried so many different ways to have sex without it hurting her, and the last thing she wanted to do was ruin this momentum.

Lucy kissed and licked and sucked her way down to her pussy, making sure to push her shirt up and give her nipples attention on the way down. She knew she loved that.

Was she about to fuck her with her mouth again?

Her mouth hit her, hot and heavy, though it was more lubricating than fucking her. After she’d finished that, Lucy moved up by her head and swung her leg over. She’d never sat on her face before. YFN’s eyes widened with excitement.

“No fucking, just wet me with your mouth,” she ordered. YFN did what she was told. “More.” She was almost dripping by the time she was done with her. Lucy swung her leg back over and kissed her on the mouth before returning to her position between her legs. She picked up YFN’s good leg and held it to her body as she straddled her hip and pressed their cores together. Holy shit. Lucy made sure to maintain her eye contact the entire time, watching to see if it was okay, which of course, it was. She ground them together, their wet messes rubbing each other.

“Is this okay, little one?”

She’d never responded to quickly before. “Yes!”

She watched Lucy’s body moved as she ground their pussies together, her hips rolling and her back close to arching.

“Tell me if you hurt, or if it’s not working for you.”

“It’s working!” She promised, already feeling her orgasm creeping up on her. There was absolutely no way she was going to tell her if she was hurting. Not when she could see just how much Lucy was enjoying it also.

She worked her for a good period of time, YFN having to brace herself on the bed head to lesson the thrusting motion for her collarbone. Lucy had looked worried but she’d reassured her.

“D..don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”

God, the sight of her thighs contracting and her body sweating as she rode her. Lucy, ever the one to be good at things, made sure to find that perfect spot that worked for both of them, and she focussed there, grinding their pussies together with purpose. She reached out and grabbed one of YFN’s tits, having seen it bouncing and unable to help herself.

“Oh god Luce, you’re… you’re so sexy. I’m going to c…come.”

“Good girl, you can come.” Lucy barely managed to choke out and she let go herself, both of them unashamedly vocal.

It took a while for them to settle down as they laid next to each other, pinkies locked, and regained their breath. Lucy more so, of course. She’d done all of the work.

YFN rolled on her side, ignoring her pains, and kissed Lucy’s damp shoulder before meeting her eyes.

“Where did that come from?”

Lucy grinned. “You liked? I got the idea as I was on your thigh… I’d say it was successful.”

“Successful?” She scoffed. “Wow, Luce… it was just… wow.”

Lucy looked proud of herself.

“You look happier.”

“Do I?” Lucy asked. YFN wanted to reach out and smooth those little baby hairs around her sweaty forehead, but she couldn’t because of the sling. She settled with another shoulder kiss.

“You’re glowing.”

“You tend to have that effect on me.”

“You can’t even see me, you’re as blind as a bat.”

“Oh really? We’re going to play that game are we?” Lucy moved quickly and suddenly YFN was on her back, Lucy leaning her cheek on her palm above her as her other hand traced on YFN’s tummy. Those stunning green eyes. She knew she could see her better up close.

“For what it’s worth… I hope our kids are blind like you.”

Lucy raised her eyebrows, her excited grin showing at the mention of children.

“Because I love that about you…”

“That I’m blind?”

She shrugged. “It’s your little quirk. And you look so goddamned cute in glasses.”

“So you want a disabled child?”

She slapped her lightly on the shoulder. “Could you imagine a little mini Lucy with glasses? I would melt. And no matter who they are, I’ll love them so much, they won’t know what to do with it.”

Lucy gave a happy hum as she bent down to kiss her. “But you won’t stop loving me, right?”

“I have enough love to go around for you and all of the kiddies.”

Lucy groaned happily into her jaw. “Good because I want a tribe.”

“I’m just trying to picture the weekly food bill now…”

Lucy chuckled. “We’ll get a big fridge.”

“Mmn. I can’t wait to live with you.”

“Barca?”

“Barca,” she agreed. “As soon as I have the company on its feet.”

They stayed in that daydream for a little longer, ignoring everything, including their phones from the other room. It was just them, together, and in love.

Now on her back, YFN had that opportunity to tuck Lucy’s little baby hairs away.

“Luce?”

“Little one?”

“What we were talking about before… Luce, I don’t mind kissing you in front of a crowd. Obviously not making out… but… I’m not going anywhere.” She laughed as she looked down at her sling. “I think that’s pretty obvious. And I know you respect me. And I’ll respect you liking your privacy also…”

“It’s… unusual for me. The other person I have to compare to is Keira who was nowhere near as touchy as we are. She liked her space and hated us touching in public. With you it’s different. I want everyone to know. And I was so tempted to kiss you at that game, I just didn’t know where you stood. To be fair, I don't know where I stand either. I want to keep you all to myself and protect your from the fans, but at the same time I want to flaunt you to the world as mine.”

She almost growled the last part.

YFN smiled at her. “Depends on the moment, Luce. But I’m glad we had this conversation. I can see why you’re stressed about the fans… not only Kristie but I posted that photo of you, Leah, Alexia and I on the couch for interview day and the comments went wild. The internet really needs to be policed.”

“Wild… good?”

“Yeah, thank god. Lots of sexualising though,” she scrunched her nose up. “People sexualise you a lot.”

“Well they can fuck off, I’m yours.”

YFN grinned like a school kid.

“And how did the video do?”

“Yeah, really well. It’s only been up for a few hours. I posted it when you were boxing… or out getting a dress for Alexia… can’t remember, and it’s gone viral.”

“Of course it did, because I’m gorgeous.”

YFN rolled her eyes. “Most of the comments are about how flirty you are with me. People are loving it. And now my Instagram is getting flooded.”

“So… we’ll call that a success?”

“As long as another Kristie doesn’t appear.”

Lucy’s mood dropped slightly.

“Oh Luce,” she said, stroking her cheek. “You need to stop blaming yourself for it. It’s all her, not us.”

She knew Lucy had been struggling with the fact that she’d not protected her. No matter what she said, that guilt was there. She could see from her face that Lucy had evolved from the more passive approach to a rather Ridley-like mindset of physically protecting her. She didn’t mind that, though. To be quite honest, it turned her on.

“I’ll do better.”

“But you’re already the best,” she whispered against her lips.

“I’m already not looking forward to camp.”

“I’ll be here with Dory, and we’ll be at your games… oh shit, Leah will be there too. I didn’t think about that.”

“They’re meeting up tomorrow, yes?”

“Yep. I convinced Leah to surprise her at her game in Birmingham so I hope it goes well. I was on the phone to Jordan when you were out today actually. She doesn’t know she’s coming, but she’s nervous about seeing her. Right now I’m wondering or not whether I should stay here close to work or go to Birmingham with Dory while you’re in Spain. I might need some help with the recovery but at least I have Leah and the Arsenal girls here.”

Lucy frowned. “Or you can come with me to Spain?”

“Lucia,” she warned. “You know that won’t work with Lumos…”

“What’s the difference between being in our house here or there?”

She did have a point, but all she heard was ‘our house’.

“We’ll talk about this later.”

“Oh, yes we will.”

“In the meantime, I’ve asked Leah to bring some of my stuff back… and my peace lily.” Lucy smiled at that. “If she gets the chance to go to the house, that is.”

“Are you being sneaky and giving her a reason to go to Jordan’s house?”

“Maybe… I sort of offered our bed also.”

Lucy’s look was that of pure affection. “You’re always helping others, aren’t you?”

“That’s why you love me.”

“Amongst other things, yes.”

Lucy went to kiss her and she turned her head away. “Oh, I wonder how Riddles and Alexia are doing…”

Lucy gripped her chin and pulled her head back to give her the kiss was denied.

“Focus here, little one. Look at me.”

“Sorry,” she gave a sheepish grin. “Can’t help it. I’m all yours.”

“Good. Now can we have dinner? I’m starving after all of those orgasms.”

YFN scoffed at her. “Crude. But yes, please. Shower first.”

Lucy helped her out of bed and to her… foot. They stood there naked besides YFN’s shirt, held on by her sling.

“Sexiest goddamn Winnie the P-”

“Don’t you dare.”

Her phone rang again from the living room and she sighed. It could be one of the girls needing her. She turned to find her shorts and yelped at the sharp smack on her ass by Lucy.

“Um, excuse me?”

Lucy shrugged. “It’s mine.” She held up her shorts. “Looking for these?”

“Maybe.”

“How about we shower first, hm? That interview drama can wait.”

They spent far too long in the shower, making each other squeaky clean before coming back out and cooking dinner. They could hear their phones but chose to ignore it and spend time with each other instead. They weren’t about to miss time with each other for some people fan-girling over them flirting in an interview.

Lucy placed YFN on the bench near the stovetop and handed her a spatula to look after the hot food while she did the cutting and prepping. It worked very, very well, to be fair.

They ate while they cooked, both feeding each other things they were currently cooking or cutting. Lucy was a fantastic taste tester, and she loved it too.

The chicken almost burnt as Lucy found herself between YFN’s legs, her tongue in her mouth, though it just ended up giving it more flavour.

YFN knew as they laughed and cooked that this was exactly how she wanted to spend the rest of her life. With her. Doing normal things. Daily things. Anything, really. They were so loved up, it must have been sickly for others nearby.

They both talked about what Sunday would bring, and how Lucy’s family wanted to see YFN. They made plans to drive to Manchester and stay a day or so next week to see them. On that same note, they were due for a video call with YFN’s nan and brother, which they planned on doing the next day, before Lucy went to watch Arsenal with Alexia.

Everything was as it should be.

After dinner and the dishes, they let themselves take their phones to catch up with the chaos of the flirty interview she’d posted. There was a lot of chatter about that, but unfortunately, that wasn’t the main cause for concern.

She had missed calls from almost all of the football girls, and articles sent from various news sources, all with one main scoop.

“Transphobic JK Rowling outed as Lumos Media Founder and Chief.”

Her mouth dropped open. No.

Mark had sent her a message which she reluctantly opened.

Unknown: I told you I was going to tear everything to the ground.

Unknown: Handed that to me on a platter.

Her stomach dropped. Mark had waited until they’d gained some popular momentum to leak that news story. He was trying to destroy them before they’d even begun to build.

She felt sick.

Alexia started calling, but she didn’t answer. Her face went white. Was this already the end of Lumos?

“Little one… “ Lucy’s voice was sympathetic and poorly hiding her frustration.

She didn’t respond. Her phone started buzzing again and she exhaled in frustration. It was almost 11pm and her phone wouldn’t stop. She looked down, expecting Alexia or one of the girls, but it wasn’t.

Joe calling…

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luc606 · 5 months ago

Text

She’d do anything to keep him smiling. This includes burying her reservations, denying her hopes, freeing Saeyoung of any responsibility to care for her feelings.

- MC/707 friends with benefits AU where Saeyoung stayed at the agency and didn't end up with MC at the end of his route (no names or placeholders, she/her for MC)

read on ao3

(team i just wanted to write fwb angst like please don't take the AU logistics too seriously i am just a little guy with glasses on)

“This didn’t happen.” Saeyoung’s voice is breathy, his chest heaving as he comes back to Earth. He drapes a lead-heavy arm over her waist and negotiates her closer, pressing her back into his stomach, tangling their legs together. His next words fall in the shallow of her neck, heady and warm. “None of it happened.”

Part of her is still an hour behind the present moment, still thrilling at the way his hands melted into her waist as he bent down to kiss her for the first time. Things had moved quickly from that point. Once he knew that she wanted him, his hands had rushed from her waist to the hem of her dress and beneath. He’d touched her in the doorway, looking down at her reactions with unrepentant awe. The rest plays back in a blur—frantic, desperate.

It had happened almost accidentally. He’d texted her, annoyed and frustrated by work, needing a distraction. She’d invited him over with a text that used plausibly deniable suggestive language. The two of them had been on the precipice of something for long enough that the suggestion alone was enough. Before anything happened, though, they’d agreed that this would be strictly no strings attached.

She shifts against him, moving her hand to press against her own hip. She wonders if the tender spot there will bruise. This didn’t happen.

Saeyoung had spent the better part of the evening touching her, denying reciprocation at every turn. “All I want is you,” he’d said. “Let me have this.”

None of it happened.

He squeezes her against his chest, prompting a response. When she doesn’t answer, worry floods his voice. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“I’m fine, sorry.” She pushes his arm away just long enough to turn around and face him. She meets his eyes, lets herself sink into his warm honey gaze once more before she agrees, offering a soft smile. “None of it happened.”

Saeyoung breathes a sigh of relief, burying his face in her neck. She wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him impossibly closer, wordlessly begging him to stay.

Ever since uncovering Mint Eye, Saeyoung has been drowning in work. Even with help from everyone in the RFA—even with Jumin’s money and connections, a whole task force dedicated to the cause—the work is never-ending. Every moment of his limited free time is devoted to his brother. He’s been reintroducing himself to Saeran with the supervision of a full hospital staff and even that is risky. It isn’t hard to guess at the results by the way Saeyoung’s voice shakes every time his twin comes up in conversation.

Regardless of whether he wants one or not, Saeyoung doesn’t have the time to pursue a relationship. He doesn’t have the peace of mind, either. He’s always going, always on high alert. Figures from his past loom in the distance. Saeyoung has seemed to resign to the fact that he’ll never quite be free to live the life he wants.

Therefore, secrecy is understandable. Expected, even. The RFA members would ask questions, would push them toward pursuing something more rounded and wholesome. The last thing that Saeyoung needs is more expectations, more ties, more obligations.

She pushes a hand through his hair, gently teasing sticky curls away from his forehead with the pads of her fingers. Her nails scratching the back of his neck elicit a satisfied hum. She wonders whether she could get him to fall asleep with her. It would be nice to confirm with her own eyes that, for once, he’s getting a good night’s sleep.

“Stay with me,” she whispers. “Sleep here.”

For a moment, he considers it. He pulls back, locking eyes with her again. She watches his eyes trace the shape of her beneath the sheets, watches him linger on her lips, maybe thinking about kissing her again. She can see the exact moment that he pulls back into himself. His eyes darken, his brow furrows. He shakes his head and pushes himself away.

“I have to meet with Saeran’s doctors in the morning.” He stands at the end of the bed, quickly pulling on clothes. Just a moment later, he looks just like he did when he stepped in the door. None of it happened.

“Right.” She’s never felt more naked than she does in this moment. When he turns away to pick his jacket off the floor, she scrambles out of bed and into the bathroom to put on her bath robe.

He’ll probably go home and straight back to agency work. This is how he spends most of his nights, sacrificing as many of his sleeping hours as possible to the agency so that he can leave the day to Saeran and the RFA. She would admire his work ethic if she weren’t so fucking worried about him.

“I’m sorry,” he says, so quiet that she almost doesn’t hear it.

There is nothing to say, so she says nothing. This is exactly what she expected, exactly what she agreed to. When he called earlier that night, frustrated and angry and exhausted, she’d harbored no secret hopes in inviting him over. Still, she can’t help the lump that forms in the back of her throat.

Saeyoung frowns. Worry, again, evident in his furrowed brow. It’s impossible for her to keep from going to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her cheek against his chest to hear his beating heart.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

He squeezes her back. When she looks up, he offers a soft smile. He repeats, “I’m sorry.”

She forces herself to smile back, swallowing her heart. “Don’t worry about me. Like you said, none of this happened.”

The next week is uneventful. Saeyoung is just as busy as always and no one in the RFA hears from him. He can be a ghost when he wants to be, completely missing in action, hidden away at the desk in his dark office.

She worries, thinks about calling, fantasizes about cooking a warm meal for him and bringing it over. None of these fantasies stick long enough for her to follow through with them. After all, she has her own responsibilities to attend to.

It’s not until the very end of the weekend, a rainy Sunday night, that she hears from him again. He appears on her doorstep in the dark, still dressed in a suit and tie befitting the C&R office, rain soaking through his trim jacket.

“Can I come in?” he asks, already halfway through the door.

This time, she’s the first to touch him. All the regret and worry of the past week floods her in an instant, so she distracts the feeling by wrapping her hands around his tie and pulling him down to her height.

He responds quickly, grasping at her waist and kissing her back. He kisses her like he wants to eat her alive. Desperate, frantic.

“Is everything okay?” she asks in-between kisses.

“Please,” he groans, “just you.” He grabs two handfuls of her thighs, pressing her against him like his ultimate goal is complete fusion of the atoms that make them up. “It’s been such a long week… I just want you.”

She breaks the kiss and falls to her knees in front of him, gratified by how he squirms and blushes at her undoing his belt. “Is this okay?” She takes him in her hand, pumps slowly.

He gives a breathless laugh, truly caught off guard. “Please don’t ask silly questions.”

The sound he makes when she takes him into her mouth sends a thrill up her spine. She quickens her pace, coaxing more sounds from him. He threads his hands through her hair, rewarding her efforts with gentle tugging at her scalp. When it’s too much, he pulls her away.

“Please,” he begs, “if you keep going, I’m not going to be able to do what I came here to.”

She releases him, looking up with a smile, and he pulls her to her feet and into his arms. He carries her to the bed in a rush, then tosses her onto it.

This time, he is not so thorough in exploring her. He helps her out of her pajamas, then hooks his hands under her knees and pulls her to the edge of the bed.

“You’re so beautiful.” He palms her breasts with calloused hands as he leans down to kiss her again. “Seriously, men kill for this.” He chuckles at his own hyperbole. One hand ventures further down, splaying against her stomach before finding its place between her thighs. “I’d be one of the men in question if it came to that.”

Her laugh is smothered by a sigh as Saeyoung pushes inside her. When she looks up at him, she can see a once-familiar humor on his face. He looks like he’s trying to produce another joke and coming up short. She takes in his smile and the scrunch of his nose and the warmth of his eyes as if she is seeing him for the first or last time.

Saeyoung pouts. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

He lets out a breath, pushing into her again. He leans forward, leveraging himself so that he can go faster without breaking eye contact. “Like…” He grunts. “Like I’ve got something on my face?”

“I think you’re beautiful,” she admits, her hands finding his face and holding him steady while he fucks her, “especially when you’re like this.”

When they’re like this, his shoulders are light, his eyes sparkle. She remembers what things were like when they first met.

Somehow, things were simpler when there was a nameless hacker and a secret agency and a mysterious cult. Now, the complications are in the specifics. Saeyoung has to care for his brother, he has more work for the agency, he’s been betrayed by his friends and threatened by his family. The RFA members occasionally wring their hands and worry for him but, for the most part, they go about their lives while Saeyoung drowns. Here, now, everything fades away. Saeyoung is able to laugh like he used to.

“What do you mean ‘especially?’” He chuckles. “You think I’m prettier naked?”

“No.” She reaches out for him, pressing a hand against his stomach and tracing the muscles there. “I mean, when you’re not worried about anything.”

“You think this is me not worrying?” He thrusts again, harder.

“Isn’t it?” She frowns. Her eyes find his and it causes his hips to stutter.

Saeyoung pulls back and flips her onto her stomach with one swift hand. He crawls into bed on top of her and pushes into her again. Closer, harder. The thread of their attempt at conversation is momentarily lost, then forgotten entirely.

When they’re finished, Saeyoung bends at the elbows, pressing his full weight into her for just a moment. His lips graze her shoulder—a half-hearted attempt at a kiss��as he rolls over to lay on his back.

“Don’t you know that being with you terrifies me?” he asks, voice sounding far away. “Just because I’m having fun doesn’t mean I’m not worried.”

She stays on her stomach. Something in her knows that it’s easier for him to admit this when he doesn’t have to look her in the eyes. That’s what all of this is, isn’t it? Closeness without any of the vulnerability. She pushes up onto her knees. Below her, Saeyoung’s face is stuck in a soft smile, even though he’s still catching his breath. His curls are mussed, sticking up in every direction, and for the first time she notices the galaxy of freckles on his chest.

Gently, as if Saeyoung is the most fragile thing in the world, she ghosts one finger over his torso, tracing a line from one freckle to another on the path to a full constellation.

“Are you terrified even if it, um—“ She swallows, trying to find the words. Her finger keeps on its path and Saeyoung’s breath hitches when she stops at a mole at the base of his neck. “—if it’s just this?” If it’s like it never happened. If no one finds out. If they aren’t attached.

He catches her hand in his and clutches it against his chest. “Weren’t you listening?” Again, there’s a flicker of his old humor in his eyes. “Just because I’m having fun doesn’t mean I’m not worried.”

Her first thought is one that she stifles. What is the point of all the secrecy and avoidance if it’s only going to worry him anyway? She frees her hand to trace the corner of his smile. She’d do anything to keep him smiling. This includes burying her reservations, denying her hopes, freeing Saeyoung of any responsibility to care for her feelings.

“There’s no reason to worry. None of this matters, right?” She reaches down to kiss him, her hair falling to form a curtain around their faces. For just a moment, the whole world consists of only the two of them.

Saeyoung pulls back from the kiss, his eyes darkening. He seems to remember himself, pushing up into a seated position and smoothing his hair back into place.

“You’re right.” When he speaks, his voice sounds uncharacteristically bitter.

He dresses quickly and a distinct feeling of déjà vu overtakes the girl watching. Just like the first time, he sheds all traces of her from himself with remarkable ease. In moments, he is dressed again. Soon after, he is out the door.

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astralartefact · 8 months ago

Text

NieR Re[in]carnation The People and the World Transmigration and the End of Reincarnation

If Red is the color of ______ then why did I ____ the ending of NieR Re[d ]carnation?

Between YoRHa:Dark Apocalypse, some of the RoD stories and now this, a pattern has been established:

If I didn't really like the ending of a NieR story, chances are 100% that given a couple hours to days I will figure myself into "This is the best thing ever written, I committed blasphemy against the god king by ever doubting his vision."

Because to be open and honest about it, right after playing it the ending was kinda boring to me - because if you paid attention to the periphery and knew the deep lore you already expected 90% of the reveals, the only really new thing is the rundown on what happened to His, Her and N2.

Let me phrase it like this: the Time Loop Theory didn't really need confirmation up until now. It was a thing because it fits the themes, but acknowledging it wouldn't really add anything because the vague sense of inevitability already exists simply by alluding to it and the previous narratives all already had it built into them without it anyways - so I think the only reason they hard confirmed it now was because it literally added to the story. Him and Her being stuck in the time loop of humanity's failure is why they despaired.

So long story short, the stuff they 'confirmed' I didn't really need to be confirmed (cries in no y:da) and as fine as it was, not having an immediate "Oh Shit!" Moment made the chapter kind of boring. So while kind of neat it didn't really do anything for me.

But I also finished Reincarnation at 5AM. So I went to sleep and Io and behold, I awoke to a revelation by the god king:

This was amazing. This story logistically paid off on the entirety of the game's narratives in a single chapter all while talking about something new. What the fuck. Once again, this shouldn't work. How did they do that??? How is the writing in this game so tightly unified despite being literally fragmented into 20-ish individual stories??? This game has the most writers of all NieR games and yet every single story is pulling at the same rope??? Like, how???

To me NieR Reincarnation is about two things: Number 1 - Reincarnation is a Cage, all humans are born into some level of agency-less-ness and wouldn't you know it, they have no agency about that Number 2 - 'Humanity' is a more complex thing than just 'Being of the Human Species' (which is basically the NieR theme)

I think the Robots in the cast illustrate this the best: Dimos and Marie and Yurie and 10H (and Noelle and 063y and F66x) were made for a purpose, but they didn't choose their purpose, their creators did for very specific reasons. But against all odds they find themselves human and humans have wishes and dreams, even if it's just to fulfill their purpose, they seek out the agency to make those dreams come true and if they pray for their dreams to come true they will find a way.

By experiencing the pain and despair of solitude He became human, because He wanted, He wished to not experience it anymore. By experiencing the pain and despair of the machine lifeforms N2 became human in the same way and She became human by incorporating N2's experience of pain into Herself.

And as Humans they pray for a better future. And maybe they can't do it on their own, because they're human and humans fail and cry and shit and die. Maybe they desperately need the help of someone who can help, even if it's just a little girl who is selfless enough to offer them an encouraging hand despite all of the mistakes they made. But by praying for their dreams to come true, by not outright denying the possibility of a better future, simply by hoping this better future exists we can reach it, because we're human. We will find a way.

So even I, from one Prayer to another, want to Thank You for Praying. Please believe in the future you want to see, because otherwise it will not happen. And remember, all Prayers lead to the Cage.

Also Drakengard symbolism because GODDAMN IT, JUST MAKE ANOTHER DRAKENGARD GAME YOU-----

They called her the second girl, but she's at least the third!!! (i think four if you count crym?) (but i'm pretty sure only i do that so let's do three)

I'm fucking pissed. You dare to leave the Drakengard Shit, MY beloved Drakengard Shit, as subtext symbolism??? How dare you. How absolutely dare you. I hope you know I am praying for Drakengard 5 (not a mistake) Yoko Taro and as I have established in this post you yourself have said that prayers come true if you believe in them so go ahead. I'm waiting.

No Seed of Resurrection talk, No word on Mother, No Accord, just the girl with One's horns doing the Manah stuff I deserve, because I called it back when Replicant Remake came out.

No but really though, I wonder if there might be a reason that we got basically 0 answers to Drakengard stuff and only answers to the NieR side of things. Apparently - and I have no quote for this, I just read some chatter about it - Yoko Taro has said that the next NieR game is planned, but will only come after another game he's making... and well... if this final chapter has made anything clear by omission it's that Drakengard isn't NieR... Just saying...

Also, this still it wasn't a Y:DA reference after all... They didn't even slightly allude to it q_q #AnoggForReincarnation is truly over...

But let's talk about the color Red for a second, because I have a thought.

I'm not going into it too much, we all know Red is a pretty symbolically heavy color in general, but in NieR and honestly even more so in Drakengard especially - they literally just did stain a girl in white in blood again, that's the Drakengard thing - but...

Mama's Pod is also Red. She receives a Red Carnation, a common Japanese Mother's Day gift, from 10H which is the key to 10H unlocking the truth. Clearly Red isn't just Hatred... but I haven't thought enough about it to really tell you what that's about. I will have to think about that - and if I ever come to a conclusion on that front I will tell you all about it.

Anyways, that's it for now... I can confidently state that NieR Reincarnation is my favorite NieR game and honestly by a long shot. I don't give a shit that it's a Gacha, I can't do anything about that and Yoko Taro, Yuki Wada and the Rest of the Team did the absolute most with the hand they were dealt, because clearly someone up in Square Enix does not like what the silly mask man is doing and doesn't give him the budget and creative liberties he truly deserves.

Once again a sincere Thank you for Praying - please believe in the future you want to see, no matter how distant and unattainable it may seem. You will still have to look out for and grab the hand reaching out to actually reach it - but you will only see that hand if you're hoping for one to come your way in the first place.

Speaking of which, here is my Prayer for the day: #AnoggForWhateverComesAfterReincarnationBecauseIfThisWasReplicantEndingEPayoffThenY:DAPayoffHasToBeNext

#nier reincarnation #yoko taro #nier #I will miss doing these...#but thank you to all the people who read like and reblogged them <3 #Thank You for Praying #I'm slightly cringing typing it out because it feels like telling somebody to be religious #but read the post. i actually really like what reincarnation did with that. praying is just hoping for a better future #and you don't need god for that

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kakashisthickthighs · 1 year ago

Text

i am thinking about if getou and gojo really did continue talking afterwards and like the tiny intricate details and logistics of their lives.

they part in 2007. they had flip phones.

getou dies in 2016. they had iphones, instagram, snapchat, and dog filters.

when getou first goes rogue, shoko and gojo probably still have his number and are blowing his shit up. he probably has his phone off for the first days of it and turns it back on after. there’s no need to trash it out of a want to stay hidden—he won’t die unless they send an army or gojo himself.

when he turns his cell back on, he’s half-tempted to delete all his photos of jujutsu tech, with shoko, with gojo, and he gets as far as deleting maybe 15 of them in a heavy-breathed rage before convincing himself that maybe he doesn’t need to delete these. these are mementos of the said pinnacle of jujutsu, and they’ll come in handy when there are no non-sorcerers left.

he’s about to put the cellphone away before it rings. it’s satoru. he sighs. he calls once every day. it’s relentless, six or seven calls at minute intervals. getou almost laughs at it—the world’s strongest, desperate.

a month after his disappearance, he calls every night at ten. sometimes the pixels on his cell read 10:04, 10:21, the latest was 10:42. it becomes a ritual, agonizing every night wanting to finally beat gojo at something, to make him lose. but suguru finds himself holding his breath as 10pm wanders by every day, breathing easy only when his phone stops buzzing.

maybe one night he’s yet again alone in his shoebox apartment, assorted belongings littered about, convincing himself this was the best path for him. not jujutsu tech, the horrible missions, the loneliness, the taste. it feels better here, where no one else is happy.

he’s lost in a daze when his phone rings. it’s been three months and satoru won’t let up. every night. he scoffs and flips his cell open just to sneer and make a point, to feel powerful in his own mind, but once the line connects, he’s silent, mouth agape and eyes wide that he actually picked up.

he hears static from the other side, a shift of fabric, a shaky inhale. “suguru, you fucking idiot,” gojo sneers, loud on the other end, “what’d ya pick up by accident?”

getou can’t help but laugh from the bottom of his heart. his abs are burning and tears are falling by the time he contains himself, and memories flood back. selfies, dumb finds, food pics, phone bills crazy all from hours on the phone together. there’s satoru’s voice, and then there’s lofi samsung static-lined satoru’s voice. both sound like home.

“suguru—“

“satoru,” he breathes, and this is what it feels like to talk again. he’s lived in this apartment in silence for the past three months, voices only coming from his saved videos.

“come home, suguru.” they both know it’s impossible.

getou chuckles again into the speaker. he can almost see it, satoru’s spindly form, one leg propped up on a chair, elbow resting on it as he holds the phone in distaste. or maybe he’s completely prone, jolted awake by a voice he hadn’t expected to hear.

“satoru, you’ll be fine,” he chimes, hanging up. he squeezes his eyes shut and swallows a sigh, and just like that, he’s left home again.

three years later the calls have stopped. the iphone 4 comes out, and the world is awash in touch screens, app stores, and missing charging cables. it’s time for an upgrade, and getou powers off his flip phone—his youth—one last time and tucks it gingerly into a shoebox. he starts completely anew with no data to transfer.

gojo meticulously transfers every contact and double checks only one number. it’s the first call he makes on his new phone.

the number you have dialed is not in service—

he hangs up and slows his breathing. he doesn’t delete the number. suguru, the contact reads.

you’ll be fine.

#jujutsu kaisen #i am filled with hatred #jjk #jjk headcanons #idk why this wouldn’t be canon #they might as well animate this #jjk gojo #jjk geto #satosugu #gojo satoru #geto suguru #and then by 2016 everyone’s on ig and snap gojo prob has ten thou on ig and so does getou and they look each other up once and never again #till a few months later getou has memorized how many ppl gojo is following and looks at all their profiles and checks all his tagged posts #sees his new students and then glances at mimi and nana #could that have been me? our students? but decides his life is good and his life is enough and this is what he wanted and he’s happy #it’s easier to convince himself now since it’s been so long #after all they’re grown now and three bright years of youth would’ve passed anyhow and anyway and now it’s over foreal

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viperwhispered · 7 months ago

Note

I'm sorry this has been brewing in my head for a while and I need to share it with someone: Jamil and Kalim teaming up to topple to classist society of the scalding sands.

Post-OB Jamil and Kalim actually reconciling and having some character development. Kalim breaking down realizing that his coping mechanism of obliviousness did more harm than good. Jamil actually missing his friend. Both realizing that the problem isn't just their own flaws, but the adults around them. Jamil working on letting himself go while Kalim works to become more independant (he clearly has the skill + learning capacity, he's just been so babied he never learnt). Also, adorable scenario where Kalim and Malleus become besties over their shared quest for independence. Based on this, this, this, and this.

Kalim and Jamil's relationship becoming more genuine. Honestly, I believe that Kalim will end up sooooo sassy cause of Jamil's infleunce. Jamil using his sharp tongue and Kalim trying to do comebacks. Jamil just responds by giving a rating out of 10. Jamil finally getting the personal time he so desperately needed while Kalim slowly learns to genuinely trust others with his problems. Kalim finally letting himself get genuinely angry at his parents for how they managed to ruin both his and Jamil's lives by trapping them in a codependant cycle.

Kalim getting into his first fist fight with some classist prick and Jamil's response is asking if he won.

Kalim saying something very stupid and Jamil just giving a glare and it goes like this.

Third year rolls around and the two successfully schemed to give Jamil his rightful title of dorm leader without the nobles of the Scalding Sands rioting. I don't know how yet but I know it'll involve Kalim maxing out his "innocent puppy who just wants to do what's right" to indirectly shame his father for bribing Kalim's way into power. Nothing really changes much other than the fact that Scarabia is now running much more smoothly while still having the best parties. Based on this, this, and this.

They graduate and Kalim instantly gives Jamil the go ahead to be free. It all happens so fast that none has time to protest. Jamil spends a good two years traveling while Kalim does his best to learn the ropes as being head of the family. Based on this and this. Kalim successfully setting up a trade deal with Malleus and helping to open up Briar Valley to modernization. Jamil making a name for himself by taking part in multiple projects as he travels (archeological sites, restoration projects, reformation movements, etc).

The two reuniting when they're both called to work with Leona for his relief project in the slums of the savanna as part of his political reformation of the monarchy. Jamil helping to oragnize + plan the logistics while Kalim provides funding + trade opportunities. By the end of it, the slums have turned into a major tourist stop in the middle of a major trade route (sorry for the side quest, I have a thing for Leona keeping his promise to Ruggie).

Extra context: the position of grand vizier is traditionally given to relatives of the family head, like a brother or cousin. Ever since Jamil left, the position was taken by one of Kalim's distant relatives. This guy absolutely sucks at his job, is a classist ass, and clearly only had superficial training. Its clear he only got the title cause of his relation to Kalim and never expected to do much work. Kalim having to fix this guy's messes for years and being like "oh god is this what Jamil had to go through with me?".

Back to the story, Kalim spent years kneecaping the nobility with relative success and now has the ideal circumstances for an ideological revolution. But for this, he needs Jamil. So he invites Jamil, now famous worldwide for his sills & contributions, to come back for the fireworks festival. There, in front of all the major noble families (plus a few ex-classmates like Vil, Leona, Azul, and Malleus who're there for support), Kalim begins to berate his vizier and expose him for his incompetance and blunders, ultimately dismissing him. Then he turns to Jamil, gets on his knees, and begs that he take the position because he's the most competant person in the room. Jamil revels in the ego boost that is Kalim kneeling and agrees so long as he can negotiate his contract.

The two then go on a relentless campaign to topple the classist bullshit nobility and give equal rights to everybody.

Which brings me to the x reader romance scenarios (lets say thry discovered a way to travel to & from the reader's world):

Jamil marrying and taking his S/O's last name for an "official excuse" to give him his freedom. The Vipers may be endentured servants to the Asims but the L/Ns have no such obligation. During his travels, Jamil switching between staying in a shabby hotel and spending the night at his in-laws. His S/O being his rock and offering boundless support and patience. When Jamil finally gets the title of grand Vizier, he rejoices at the thought of finally spoiling his S/O like they deserve.

Kalim marrying an S/O who is both a sweetheart but also a maverick unafraid to do the dirty work. One who makes kneecaping the nobility a whole lot easier and puts an end to 90% of all assassination attempts. Kalim having absolute trust in his S/O and their methods. Kalim being relieved that any children they have will also go to school in his S/O's world where they'll be safe and able to live somewhat normal lives. Kalim being determined to reform society so their children can live without fear or hatred.

This took me a little while to get to since I wanted to give all of this a proper thought, but here we are.

Ngl, as a sucker for happy endings it is lovely thinking of how things could work out.

Honestly, just for Jamil and Kalim to open up more to each other would take quite a bit of work. I mean, years of habits to unlearn and years of baggage to navigate through. I really wish they would, though - and not just when one of them is overblotting. Plenty of learning for Kalim to figure out how to face the things he’s been shielded from, and for Jamil to express the things he’s been bottling up.

Oh but that thought of Kalim “sassing up” because of Jamil is so amusing tho. Him trying to emulate Jamil, which would just get Jamil even more frustrated - is Kalim even going to take this from him now? Or Jamil would just be amused at the attempt, one or the other. But if they could actually get more on the same wavelength about it, that could indeed make for some real fun scenarios.

As for Kalim’s parents… Yeah don’t even get me started on that one.

For Jamil becoming the housewarden… Yeah that first pic kinda sums it up, doesn’t it?

Which makes me wonder: how much does Jamil want the power, and how much does he just want the recognition? Now my memories of book 4 may be a little fuzzy at this point, but iirc the primary motivation was to eject Kalim - to get back the blissful solace of those first few months in NRC without Kalim there. So I do feel like just being allowed to "flourish" and show off his skills and capabilities would be some balm for the wounds in his soul, so to speak.

But also, considering Kalim was able to transfer schools just because of Jamil, pretty much, I’m sure if it’s up to him he’d be well able to give dorm leadership to Jamil without too much fuss. Like, I wouldn’t be surprised if he got the position more because of a “only the best for my boy” attitude from his dad - or maybe it was supposed to be training for his future responsibilities as the head of the house.

In any case, I would assume the family wouldn’t be super upset if Kalim is the one deciding that actually, Jamil should lead. Like, it certainly goes over much smoother if Kalim instigates it and hands the position over, rather than Jamil rising up against him (because how could a servant possibly oppose his master, how dare). Tho it would certainly still raise some eyebrows, I’m sure.

(But like, while Kalim presumably has had to deal with his own brand of neglect / not so helpful upbringing, he still seems to be the sort of a golden boy who’s used to getting his whims, so.)

For Jamil being freed - to my understanding they would need to figure out a way to do it without it bringing shame / consequences to Jamil’s family (at least, based on how jp talked about these things). Like, Kalim would need to be “powerful” enough in his family to be able to shield / protect Jamil’s family from those consequences.

(As a sidenote, I do wonder how Jamil’s family would feel like being offered freedom from servitude / a different position. Are they under as intense pressure as Jamil, with their own roles? I mean, obviously it would be difficult for them to be let go without having a way to make ends meet, but I do wonder if they’re simply happy & proud of their positions or if they feel anything similar to what Jamil does.)

At some point I also made a post thinking that even if Kalim might not be able to dismiss Jamil outright (once they both come to an agreement about this being a thing they should do), maybe Kalim could still make up reasons to send Jamil out to travel. A halfway point to true freedom, and hey, at least Jamil would get to enjoy spending some Asim money for himself.

Ngl tho, I’m all for a bit of an upheaval of the social order in the Scalding Sands. Really don’t know how one could even go about making it happen - such change is slow, would paint an even bigger target on Kalim’s back, and would make for some very powerful enemies. Slow process more than a revolution.

Though, decent labor laws and prohibition for child labor sure would be a good start, considering what Jamil went through.

Jamil would absolutely get an ego boost from that situation indeed of Kalim asking for Jamil's help, but I do wonder if he really would want to tie himself to the Asims / Kalim again. Interesting to ponder just what would have to change for that to happen.

But the allure of power might indeed be enough. Now, how interested Jamil would be to effect change at large, and how much he's concerned about his own personal position... I mean, we've seen him very willing to use others, and his experiences (for a reason) have left him in a mindset that probably means seeing power equaling freedom and also as viewing the world as haves and have-nots. So he'd definitely need to start having more concern for others (and not just the people he cares about, like his family) to really be genuinely interested and helpful to the cause.

I’ve never really considered / seen a concept of the twst guys living in a different world than their s/o but still regularly traveling to see each other, that’s interesting 👀 I do love the idea of Kalim with a fierce protective s/o tho.

Ngl, there was a lot to chew over here, but interesting thoughts about the potential futures. I also have to admit that I’ve put much less thought into understanding Kalim than I’ve put to Jamil, so I’m very much open to rebuttals about any of my interpretations about him.

It really is a shame that so far, books 5 and 6 only gave us glimpses of change with these two. Like Jamil being a little bit more willing to let Kalim actually do things or help. I know, I know, it can't possibly happen overnight, but pls, give us something to see if and how things are changing - or if we're just stuck in a new, precarious status quo.

Also I don't know if you've been making posts in your blog developing these ideas but like you definitely should, if you've got this much of a concept. I'm sure others would be interested too.

ETA: forgot to say, but I think for societal change, Kalim certainly would have the funds for lobbying and charitable work. And he does have his own kind of charisma to keep that sort of stuff together, too.

Also for the kids with our world s/o... That certainly would make inheritance and things interesting in the future. Sure, if Kalim has his as you outlined, there would not be so much of a position as the family head to inherit, but still.

Not to even mention the whole literally growing up between two different worlds.

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #kalim al-asim #ner talks #chatting with folks #lex752 #ngl I almost feel honored that you felt like I was the one to share these thoughts with?#sorry it took a while #had to take some time to go through this all

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theofficialpresidentofmars · 5 months ago

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lrt been thinking again about a Hamlet Swap AU, this time about the logistics of Laertes and Ophelia sharing the Hamlet and Horatio roles of the original play. Slightly more emphasis on an Ophelia/Hamlet parallel, but both get to play the part.

Haven’t really worked things out, but the basic gist is that it’s likelier to be set in a more modern era, with both having lost their mother at a young age and having varying relationships with Polonius. But one day, Polonius dies of seemingly natural causes, and both are left in shock and grief.

Ophelia finds out, somehow, and quite probably in a non-ghost more actual-evidence manner that Polonius’s death was murder, more specifically murder via Claudius (that might have actually been an attempt to murder Hamlet Sr that went wrong). However, the evidence she finds is possibly coincidental and not conclusive enough to immediately jump to capital vengeance, so after telling Laertes of her discovery, the two agree that they must find some way to properly prove it.

Ophelia hasn’t been in a particularly good state of mind after the death of her father, but she decides she’s going to pretend to be perfectly fine and that she doesn’t need help in order to get people off her back so she can explore her theories further.

All the while, Ophelia’s boyfriend Hamlet notices that she’s putting up an emotional wall and tries to talk to her. His dad’s alive and well, and besides the fact that his girlfriend’s been in a spot of misery lately and he’s only just gotten back from Wittenberg to be able to comfort her, he’s doing otherwise just fine. He’d come prepared, having asked his good friend Horatio for advice on how to empathise with those who’d lost loved ones, and Horatio had warned him that she might act different and could counter-intuitively, possibly need space. Also Horatio is totally in love with Hamlet. So Hamlet does give her some space eventually, but he’s really concerned.

Gertrude also tries to talk to Ophelia, but she brushes her off. Laertes, who’s been less present in the story so far because he’s been off trying to figure out how to gather evidence, comes back with news of something new that might help them.

This is where I start to have less details figured out.

Hamlet eventually confronts Ophelia, desperate to try and help her, and she’s alllllmost contemplating telling him the truth and asking for his help when she realises they’re being watched, by she assumes either Claudius, Gertrude, Hamlet Sr, or some combination, and so she decides not to. Instead, she yells at him, accusing him of being a terrible person and not being there for her and then not leaving her alone when she asks, for only wanting to get in her pants (i’ll totally explore her objectification in this one too and this will be relevant even if it’s not really true I prommy), and almost insinuating that she’s seeing someone else in order to break his heart and get him to move on, hopefully leave, because she knows things are about to get messy. It looks like it might work, and he’s super sad about it.

Blah blah blah, equivalent of the Mousetrap, Ophelia and someone else (possibly Laertes, probably Hamlet, possibly someone else from around the castle) talk, and Hamlet Sr, hiding in the curtains, gets stabbed. Hamlet finds the body (if he wasn’t the one to talk to Ophelia in the previous scene) with Ophelia, freaks out, goes to find someone to tell them about it and walks in on his mother and his uncles totes having an affair (yikes). It’s no wonder he goes mad.

Ophelia is sent away, and Hamlet is forced to stay. He does sort of lose his marbles a little bit, but instead of singing and giving out flowers like Ophelia, he rambles about death and talks nonsensically to himself in the court. And by ‘talks nonsensically’, I mean reverts to speaking in only direct quotes from the original Shakespearean play in this modern adaptation. see Gertrude or someone remarking on how he’s clearly lost his mind and is speaking nonsense all while Hamlet is clearly and obviously reciting the ‘to be or not to be’ speech to himself.

Horatio comes quickly from England, but the very night he gets there, he’s pulled aside by Marcellus to deal with something on the roof. That something is Hamlet, shivering and wide-eyed, talking about the ghost of his father. Horatio can’t stop the prince as he follows, slips, and falls off to his death.

Meanwhile Ophelia doesn’t have a Royal Sigil on her, but she does have a brother, and Laertes comes and helps bust her out during her transport, takes care of the messengers, and brings her back to the castle. The two seal their fates together, and vow revenge.

That’s pretty much where I’ve thought up to (there WILL be a fistfight in the grave between Horatio and Ophelia about who loved Hamlet more) but yeah it’s just for the sillies

#hamlet #hamletposting #shakespeare #ophelia #opheliet #laertes

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crocheting-cupio · 8 months ago

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Queer Resources!

This is by no means a complete list and it's something I will keep adding to and improving. If you have any helpful links not listed here, please send them my way!

Please reblog this post, as you never know who may desperately need one of these resources. Feel free to share individual links with friends/family as well. Knowledge is power, after all!

General:

Online safety guide for queer people This guide is extremely thorough, having sections for being online while queer in general, dating online, navigating the workplace, advice for queer people under 18, and more. If you grew up online and think you don't need to read any of this, I am begging you to read it. There's always something you don't know, something you won't think to do in a stressful situation. Please, please read through it all. Safety first!

Coming out handbook by The Trevor Project (PDF) A downloadable PDF walking you through the coming out process. It's a bit long, but well worth reading even if you have come out already to friends and/or family. It is very supportive of you, the reader, so it is wonderful if you feel unsure or nervous about your identity.

Quick guide for coming out (nonbinary focused) This is a briefer guide for if you or someone else just needs an overview of the process. It doesn't focus as much on the emotional support part and more on the logistics of coming out. So this one is good if you're very confident in your identity and just need to come out.

Pronouns and names:

Pronoun Dressing Room This site lets you try different pronouns AND names for yourself. You can fill the text fields with literally anything you want. It also has lots of neopronoun presets, organized alphabetically and by theme. To "try on" pronouns and names it uses a simple example paragraph where someone talks to their friend about meeting you. But there is also sections of public domain books where your name and pronouns replace the main characters'.

Pronouns Page This site allows you to make a "card" that lists all your names, flags/identities, pronouns, and terms you want used for you, as well as your preferences for/feelings about of them. It is highly customizable, you can add neopronouns, nounself pronouns, and emoji pronouns. You can even make separate cards for other languages. These cards can be easily shared with others and linked in profiles. It is also a huge resource for terminology, definitions and descriptions of identities, and how pronouns have been and are used in culture and fiction. There's also a full calendar of awareness days/week, appreciation days/weeks, and days of remembrance.

List of nonbinary names These are organized into separate pages by first letter. It includes non-English names, gives origin and meaning for each name, and, perhaps most helpfully, includes how often that name is used as a feminine or masculine name. Even if you are not nonbinary, this can still be helpful in choosing a new name. Personally I found this page infinitely more helpful than going to baby name lists, which are often split by gender and don't have as much for gender neutral names.

Gender:

The Nonbinary Wiki home page This wiki is an invaluable resource, I'm not exaggerating. It has almost everything you would want to know about gender, sexuality, and romantic attraction. It has who made the flags, their meanings, when terms were coined, archived posts, the history of identities, sub identities and micro labels... everything. I will note that understandably, the info for binary gender experiences on this wiki is limited.

List of (common) nonbinary identities This list gives descriptions, history, and more for every common gender identity that isn't strictly the binary female/woman or male/man. Almost every one of these identities has its own dedicated page which goes into further detail. And this list includes nonbinary identities that have existed in non-European and non-American cultures for centuries, or even thousands of years.

List of uncommon nonbinary identities This is a huge and detailed compilation of identities that have as little as one person known to use that label. It also has links to the original or archived posts where the term was coined, if available. This page can be used as something to help you figure out what you like and what you don't like in terms of gender identity. And you never know, the perfect label for you could be in here.

Legal recognition of transgender and nonbinary people by country This page details how inclusive, or exclusive, countries are to trans and nonbinary people. Such as if they allow "X" for gender/sex on ID and passports, what is required to have it changed, and how easy or difficult it is to change your legal name. Canada, the UK, and the USA have dedicated pages for this that go into further detail and provide more resources.

Romance and sexuality:

List of romantic and sexual orientations (nonbinary focused) This list does include common ones like lesbian, but also includes rare identities such as Aquian, being attracted only to people who's gender changes. As I said this is focused on orientations that do not assume you are a binary gender, the people you are attracted to are a binary gender, or that your gender is connected to your sexuality.

AUREA (The Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Advocacy, and Education) AUREA is not very large right now, but what it lacks in quantity it makes up for in quality. It has a large glossary of romantic, aromantic, queerplatonic, and other related terms. Which includes rare terms and identities under the aromantic umbrella. They have downloadable PDFs with basic info on aromanticism, as well as links to research that has been done on aromanticism.

Guide to Aromanticism This contains basic info about aromanticism, and "Am I Aro?" questioning section, and links to aro creators. Reading through the whole thing shouldn't take more than half an hour.

Allosexual Aromantic resources This site links to a wide variety of resources by, for, and information on allo-aros. There's terminology guides, how to write allo-aro characters, how to be a good ally towards allo-aros, essays, and fiction featuring allo-aro characters.

AVEN (The Asexual Visibility and Education Network) This is a wonderful resource for information on asexuality. It has a thorough FAQ section for both people questioning and friends/family who have questions and concerns about asexualism.

Asexual Perspectives This is a community blog where people can write about their experiences as asexuals. These posts are incredibly validating and eye-opening and I strongly recommend you read them.

The Gray Area This is a quick FAQ about greysexualism and demisexualism that is for questioning, allies, and people unfamiliar with greysexualism.

AVEN Forms AVEN hosts a form where asexuals, and people who once identified as asexual, can talk about their experiences.

An Asexual's Guide To... This is a brief sex ed taught from an asexual perspective. Which is to say it does not automatically assume you are interested in sexual activities and have some experience feeling sexual attraction. Even if you aren't asexual, it can be quite helpful in understanding the experience. It does not teach you much about the actual having sex part, though. It focuses more on being comfortable with yourself and your body. It is also inclusive to intersex people. (This guide has no pictures, if you were worried about that.)

Setting sexual boundaries with a partner list This is not queer specific but still helpful as it does not assume the sexual relationship is between the two binary sexes/genders and still works if you are intersex. To cut down the paragraphs at the beginning, this is a list of sexual and romantic actions and behaviours. You are supposed to assign a yes, maybe, no, or not applicable to everything on this list to indicate if you are willing, unsure, or will not do those things. It is suggested you go through it with your partner, but you can fill it out alone to figure out your preferences. This list/guide can be useful if you have sexual trauma and/or have had an abusive partner in the past and need to communicate what may trigger you.

#queer resources #queer #queer community #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbtq community #transgender #nonbinary #asexual #aromantic #allo aro #pronouns

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coramatus · 1 year ago

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Poor Em, living rough on the streets.

But I realised something, he actually wouldn't be able to get most jobs a NYC subway. He doesn't have any certificates on him and even if he did then they'd be invalid since the schools/college/uni he got them from doesn't exist. He wouldn't even be able to be a depot agent since that actual requires a minimum of 2 passing grades.

Emmet would have to work his way up from the very bottom, probably getting a job a a ticket seller or a cleaner and transferring up within the job. I think eventually, if he believe that he'll be stuck in NYC forever, then he'll go back to college just so he can go back to being a conductor/engineer.

Realistically, Emmet’s situation is a logistical nightmare. He has no birth certificate, no social security number, no record of his existence, no visa, no legal citizenship, no legal ID, never mind any accredited educational degree or job training certificates. If this were any other story, he’d be categorically fucked.

But this is where the vigilante train repairs come in.

In frustration from not being able to fix the stupid portal device that dumped him here, Emmet figures he might as well fix something and takes it out on NY’s shittiest subway cars. And because he’s from a (slightly) more technologically advanced society, he knows a few things people here haven’t figured out yet.

Before the MTA knows it, suddenly their drivers are discovering their trains are running like a dream when before they might as well have been scrap (ok well, the grosser parts are still an issue but Emmet’s a train engineer, not a train janitor).

When the admins learn about this, it doesn’t take them long to find out who did it. Some want Emmet arrested, but a few others think there can’t be any harm letting this good samaritan rando keep up his free volunteer engineering work. It means the less they need actually spend on maintenance, right??

And this might have worked if the unions hadn’t caught wind of it.

Because then, there’s the threat of the actual paid engineers losing work and the skirting of work safety laws because of these unapproved repairs by a volunteer, which sets a very bad precedent. And why not get this guy on board and actually pay him for his work? It’s only the right thing to do, isn’t it? >:)

The next time Emmet sneaks into a rail yard to tinker with the trains, someone catches him in the act. Emmet expects to be arrested and isn’t surprised when the MTA cops show up. But, they’re just there to escort him to headquarters, not arrest him. Apparently the higher ups are verrrry interested in meeting with him.

When Emmet makes it to the main offices, he’s questioned about his motives, who he is, what is he doing here, how did he learn that kind of electrical engineering, etc.. (Based on what Jamal warned him of, he was expecting this of scary government people, not the train police). And as he expected, his answers are not encouraging, re: paperwork.

What really throws him for a loop is that some of the higher ups are willing to… bend the rules a bit for him, perhaps. Emmet is pretty sure that’s illegal, but the MTA is a bit desperate to get him on board lest the unions go on strike again. They can help him with some legalities. Illegal immigrant with only foreign documentation? They can pull a few strings to arrange a work visa for him (he refuses a green card, he does not want to be a US citizen). No education or certifications? Pass the GED and if he really is as good an engineer and conductor as he claims, then pass the tests (he would have scored perfect on these if the New York state and US federal rail laws hadn’t tripped him up). He can’t circumvent the waitlist to be a driver, but in the meantime he can try teaching their engineers whatever electricity magic it is he’s been doing. As for everything else? They’ll work it out when they get there.

Emmet is speechless at this offer. Who knew fixing trains made that much of an impression? It’s a lot to take in but he recognizes that if he wants any chance of thriving here and not driving Jamal nuts from squatting in his apartment, then he’ll never get a better chance than this.

So Emmet accepts.

The subway systems of NYC are never quite the same afterwards…

#bark bark bark #a unovan in new york city #subway boss emmet #oh no i infodumped

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tcvsfiredemon · 1 year ago

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Narumayo Week Day 1: Waterfalls/Reunions

Phoenix had bought flowers, which was unusual for him. He tended to actively avoid taking any sort of responsibility for plants, with the one exception of Charley. Even then, it was purely through luck and Maya’s intervention(and now a little extra help from Trucy, thank heaven) that Mia’s favorite piece of greenery wasn’t a brown and shriveled husk at this point. Whatever the opposite of a green thumb was, Phoenix surely had it.

Yet as he’d made his way to the train station this morning his eye had been caught by a stall out front selling a whole rainbow’s worth of beautiful flowers, and something deep inside him compelled him to buy a whole bouquet of purple ones. Some kind of orchids, he thought? Although they could have just as easily been tulips or something. Really he’d just bought them because they were purple and purple was Maya’s favorite color.

Would she even care about getting flowers? In terms of gifts Maya tended to prefer things with more use to her like clothes or games or food. Especially food. Phoenix had brought food, of course, a big hearty order of Eldoon’s famous breakfast ramen that he desperately hoped hadn’t cooled down too much during the two hour train ride. He felt like he needed to give her something else, though, something to show how truly sorry he was for being such a crappy friend and not talking to her for the past two months. Were flowers enough? Was this whole surprise visit a mistake?

But regardless of what kind of spur-of-the-moment decision-making had led him to where he was, Phoenix was there all the same, standing outside the door to the Fey’s family home at nine in the morning with a big bouquet of orchids in one arm and a big brown bag of food in the other. Realizing a little too late his logistical mistake he knocked as firmly as he could with his foot. Within a minute the door slid open and the tiny, surprised face of Pearl Fey poked through.

“Mr. Nick?” the small girl exclaimed with a smile that quickly turned into an angry frown, “You said some real mean things to Mystic Maya.”

She was right, of course. Phoenix had been in a bad place the last time he saw his spirit medium best friend. After hearing the news about his disbarment Maya had rushed into the city as quickly as she could, only to be turned away at his door. You weren’t there for me when I needed you, he’d spat at her, why would I want you here now? Phoenix cringed internally at the cruel verbal beatdown he’d given the person he loved more than anyone else in the world, who had dropped everything just to be there for him in his time of need.

“I know, Pearls, I said a lot of hurtful things that I can’t take back and that’s why I came to see her. To make things up to her and show her how sorry I am. Is she here?”

Immediately the expression on Pearl’s face thawed a little, with the tiniest hint of a smile drawing up the corner of her mouth.

“Mystic Maya told me you didn’t really mean those things. She said you’d say sorry as soon as you could.”

She gave a sudden gasp of delight, putting her hands on her face to hide her blush. “But she didn’t tell me you’d come all the way here to say it! And with flowers! You must have had one of those ‘lovers’ quarrels’!”

Phoenix’s hands were a little too full to hide his own blush. “N-no, Pearls, it’s not like that! Friends give each other flowers too. To show how much they care about each other. Where is Maya, by the way? She’s not asleep, is she?”

“Mystic Maya’s doing her morning meditation in the waterfall in the sacred grove. I don’t think she’s supposed to be interrupted… But for you, Mr. Nick, she won’t mind!”

Phoenix nodded. “Okay, sacred grove, huh? That shouldn’t be too hard to find! Thanks for the help, Pearls!”

They waved each other goodbye, she with her hand and he with his foot, and he set off to find the sacred grove, wherever that was. Hopefully Kurain Village would have some kind of big map to help him find his way around. His mind fully on the task at hand, Phoenix failed to hear Pearl yelling behind him, “Wait, Mr. Nick! I forgot something about Mystic Maya’s meditation!”

***

There was, unfortunately, no tourist-friendly signage to help Phoenix along his way. After a bit of trial and error he found his way to a forest path that seemed fairly grove-y to him, flanked by stone statues that Phoenix judged to look pretty sacred. Before too long he could hear the rushing current of a waterfall and he knew he was on the right track.

It really was a beautiful vista, full of ethereal trees, lush greenery, and a brilliant view of the mountains. At one point he could have sworn he saw a white deer zip out of sight. Even after nearly four years of knowing Maya he couldn’t believe that she got to grow up in this magical fairyland. Although he supposed even the most beautiful view could get boring if you see it every day.

After a little more walking a lovely clearing came into view, full of lush green grass and brightly colored flowers. Phoenix inspected them for a bit to make sure they weren’t the same ones from his bouquet. At the other end of the clearing was a clear pool beneath a waterfall where Maya sat in meditation. She looked totally at home under the water, eyes closed, relaxed…and completely naked.

Phoenix went cherry red as soon as he registered what he was seeing. Suddenly he recalled that Pearl had been yelling at him as he left to find Maya. This must be what she wanted to tell him. Maya was obviously doing some kind of meditation technique that required the user to take off all their clothes. And with her legs folded under her and her arms at her side, Phoenix could see her whole…her…

He tore his eyes away as fast as he could and tried to figure out a way to make his presence known in a way that wouldn’t be insanely awkward. Finding no obvious solution, he decided to just rip the bandaid off and shout “MAYA!”

“Nick?” she yelled back excitedly, followed by a horrified shriek and a scream of, “Don’t look at me!”

“I’m not looking!”

“Hold on, let me get dressed! Don’t you dare sneak a peek! What are you doing here, Nick?”

“I haven’t seen you in months. I thought I’d pay you a visit. And trust me, I’m not trying to look at you naked.”

“Well then, how did you know I was naked if you didn’t look?”

“Okay, I saw you for a second, realized you were naked, and looked away immediately. Happy? Plus I think your reaction would have given you away even if I hadn’t seen.”

“Not necessarily, Nick, I could have been wearing something really embarrassing like a fursuit or something. You can look now, by the way.”

Phoenix turned to see Maya squeezing the water out of her hair. She wasn’t wearing her usual robes, but what looked like a thin white bathrobe. Probably some sort of training uniform. She was still dripping wet and the fabric clung to her body in a way that didn’t lessen his blush at all.

“What’s a fursuit?” he asked, trying to distract himself from the situation that was boiling his blood into tomato soup, “Like a big winter coat or something?”

Maya put a hand on her chest and grinned. “Oh, you sweet summer child. I’ll explain later. Whatcha got for me?”

Her eyes locked onto the big brown bag emblazoned with the Eldoon’s logo and he could see her mouth begin to water immediately.

“A couple orders of the breakfast ramen, hopefully not too cold. Extra maple syrup for you, of course.” He handed the bag her way and she grabbed it greedily.

“Ugh, Nick, you have no idea how much the noodles here suck. It’s basically like eating string. And when I talk about putting syrup on them everyone looks at me like I have two heads.”

“To be fair, syrup on noodles is pretty weird everywhere in the world but Eldoon’s.”

Maya was getting ready to tear into the bag when she spotted what was in Phoenix’s other hand. With a gasp she dropped the food and rushed to wrap him in a crushing hug and plant a kiss on his lips, getting him completely soaked in the process.

“Oh my god, no one’s ever gotten me flowers before!” she exclaimed, on the verge of tears. When she let go of her hold Phoenix handed her the bouquet and she took a big sniff. “They’re gorgeous! How did you know I love lavender?”

“Uh, to be honest I just got them–”

“Because they were purple, right? You big dork.”

She punched him in the arm and then wrapped it in hers. Phoenix had accepted at this point that wet clothes were a fair trade for a happy Maya. She looked up at him with an expression he couldn’t quite parse.

“You know I’m still mad at you, right?”

“I don’t blame you.”

“Of course you don’t, you were an absolute bastard that night and you know it. I hated you for a good week after that. I tried to put on a brave face for Pearly, but as soon as I was alone in my room I cried my eyes out. Do you know how devastating that is? To have someone you think is your best friend tell you that they don’t ever want to see you anymore? And then just stop talking to you for two whole months?”

She squeezed down so hard on Phoenix’s arm that he had to suppress a yelp.

“Maya, I’m so sorry.”

“I know you are, Phoenix. I know you were sorry as soon as you closed that door in my face. I know you stood there wanting to take it all back but decided not to say anything because you didn’t think I deserved a friend who was capable of saying the things you said. That you spent the next two months telling yourself that us not seeing each other was for the best even though every instinct you had fought against that. And that’s why I couldn’t hate you as much as I tried. Because no matter what words fly out of your mouth when you’re in pain, no matter how many times you tell yourself you aren’t worthy of love, you’re Phoenix Wright, and you’re my best fucking friend in the whole world.”

Maya detached herself from Phoenix and turned to face him, the flowers still firmly in her hands. They said nothing for what seemed like minutes. Then he finally spoke.

“Maya, did…did you rehearse that speech?”

A smile spread on Maya’s face.

“Shut up, dork.”

Phoenix started to break into a grin as well. It was physically impossible not to smile when Maya Fey was smiling. “No, I mean seriously, how much time did you spend in front of the mirror getting every word just right.”

“It’s not funny, you asshole.” Maya snorted.

“Then why are you laughin’, kid?”

“Because I’m too hungry to think straight. Come on, Nick, let’s make with the noodles. And you can tell me about this Trucy that I keep hearing Edgeworth talk about.”

“Oh man, you’re gonna love Trucy…”

And just like that, everything was right with the world. At least for now.

***

“Okay, but I really do need to finish up my meditation for the day.”

Their breakfast long finished, Phoenix and Maya were lying together in the grass, heads next to each other, attempting to decipher the clouds in the sky. Maya had been eager to hear as much about Trucy as she could and insisted on going to her next magic show(and bringing Pearl along, of course). Phoenix had taken as many opportunities as he could to sneak apologies in, with Maya magnanimously batting them all aside as ‘water under the bridge’.

“You sure about that? You just finished drying off.”

“Yup, I’m pretty sure. Some of us have jobs, Nick, and mine is to be as good at spirit channeling as I possibly can be.” She pushed herself up off the ground. “And sometimes that means sitting buck naked under a cold waterfall for an uninterrupted hour.”

Phoenix sat up, hearing his back crack as he did so. “You mean you have to start over again.”

“Uh, yeah, old man, meditation isn’t really something you pause halfway through and pick up later.” She cocked her head at him. “You know, if you want to, you can join me this time. I can teach you how to clear your mind.”

“Will I have to be…uh…”

“Yep, unfortunately. As the day you were born. On the bright side, though,” she said, leaning in with a devilish look on her face, “I will be too.”

“Well, uh,” stammered Phoenix, whose blush had gone as purple as the flowers, “I guess I could try it…”

He hoped beyond hope that Pearl never got wind of this.

#NarumayoWeek2023 #narumayo #ace attorney #maya fey #phoenix wright #can't believe I actually finished something #fingers crossed I get the other ones done in time

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beyondthetemples-ooc · 7 months ago

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I may be getting back on my Raven bullshit. But maybe not because it's, believe it or not, tangential to where my mind is right now.

Long story short, I'm thinking about Dove Going to Therapy (let's be real. the girl Needs it) and trying to figure out who that therapist is that sees the mystics/etc. in canonical DC comics and browsing my "panels" tag because I SWEAR I reblogged it... except I keep getting distracted because that tag has a Lot of good panels in it.

Has lots of Raven, of course. Because it's my blog, why wouldn't it?

Longer version: I know in the last chapter of DDD (it's mostly written, just not Polished yet), Dove has this moment where she's like "I deserve how much this hurts, I don't deserve to be here with you guys, and I'm dangerous, so you need to send me away!" To which Robin basically replies, "This is the best place for you right now, and psych wards aren't qualified to handle demi-demons."

And, I mean. All the rest of DDD happens. Dove Desperately Needs Therapy. (I don't say that to disparage her; I say that out of compassion, because getting the right therapy does help you heal and move on from things and learn how to cope with trauma/anxiety/etc.)

Between the time of writing that scene (I think it was written when I was 19ish?) and now, I found out that there IS a psychologist (psychiatrist?) in DC (or maybe it was Vertigo?) canon comics that the pages show treating Zatanna. So like. Homo magi, massive amounts of power, danger and daring adventures, if someone could treat Zatanna, surely that someone could handle Dove? And the treatment room seems to be magical; maybe it could handle Dove's powers getting loose if the conversations turns Too Emotional?

I'm trying to figure out How That Works when she's an illegal immigrant with no social security number, and thus no health insurance, and also part demon and the other part is a mystical race that doesn't exist anymore? I'm definitely thinking too hard about the logistics here. But I want to figure out Who That Therapist Was so I can research if she's something I can add to Dove's canon.

As I mentioned on Dove's blog when I was headcanoning whether Dove would get Sieara certified as an Emotional Support Animal: I know that as a teenager, Dove wouldn't be comfortable at ALL talking to a stranger about her Problems^tm. If they tried to send her then, she'd just clam up and withdraw the whole time, and eventually fall silent and just be able to nod or shake her head. It wouldn't be productive at all. (Hence the final decision that even though Sieara functions as one, she wouldn't get the Official Letter. She'd never need it, anyways.)

But as an adult, I could see her being able to open up to someone eventually. It would certainly take a few sessions to build trust before they get into the Deep Down Stuff, but like. I think it usually does to get to the heart of the matters, let alone the Healing Parts. Maybe Srentha would go with her? Be in the room with her and everything? At least for the first few months. I imagine Raven might be willing, but would probably have to leave because of All the Emotions in that place. (Therapy can get... intense.)

But even though Srentha gets a job (temporarily) in adulthood, he and Dove don't exactly have secret identities. It would HAVE to be someone who can treat the hero population. With the extreme levels of dangers and emotions and the sheer mystical WEIRDNESS in Dove's life... and also, it would have to be someone she can talk to about her father being a demon and All the Issues that Come With That. And losing Azarath. Her mother's spells. Just, weird shit that a normal therapist probably doesn't know how to approach.

(Hell, none of my therapists have known how to approach my emet*phobia or dyscalculia. I've had to figure those out for myself. I can't imagine they'd have any idea how to tackle magic powers.)

....I can't seem to find the pages with Zatanna in therapy, actually, and now I'm doubting I've even reblogged them.

#rhs has ocs and this is the tag about them #iala yona

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sillylotrpolls · 1 year ago

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Of all Sam's lines, hope wins out ("There's some good in this world"). No surprise, as not giving up in the face of darkness because maybe, just maybe, you can help protect what's good may as well be the thesis for the entire trilogy.

The runner-up ("I can carry you") is also a main theme of Lord of the Rings. No one can carry such a heavy burden alone; we need our friends to help us and there's no shame in that. In fact, it's some of that "good" that's worth fighting for.

Side note: Did you ever notice how much people talk to each other and share what they know in Lord of the Rings? Imagine if the races hadn't been willing to share their news during Elrond's council. Middle Earth would be doomed. Meanwhile, Saruman keeps secrets from Sauron and it doesn't exactly go well for him. Perhaps JRRT learned during the War that poor communication kills.

And what's this? Runner-runner-up ("Don't go where I can't follow") is another major theme from the story! This time, about love/relationships and partings/death. Think of how many times Arwen's choice to live a mortal life is emphasized, or the final paragraph in the Red Book being Gimli sailing with Legolas to the Undying Lands. Or, Eowyn desperate to escape her cage and protect her uncle and the country she holds dear.

"And I'm coming with you" is another line with the same theme, and the similar "Don't you leave him" speech was almost in this poll before I decided to try and vary up the lines a bit more. Unfortunately, while I know that these quotes hit me right in the kokoro and always make me tear up, I don't have adequate words to explain or summarize why. If you do or have a link to someone who does, I'd be very interested.

I could go on line by line, but that is perhaps more than anyone wants from a self-described silly poll blog, especially as literary analysis was never my strong point (and also a couple of the quotes are just jokes). I know there's something to these wonderful lines being given to everyone's favorite character to say (or is he our favorite because he has these lines?), and wonder how long it took Tolkein to get them just right, but then logistics come easier to me (hence polls about how blond Hobbit babies came about).

tl;dr Sam has the best lines and those lines get to the heart of what makes Lord of the Rings so enduring, and isn't it wonderful that we all love him so?

Tumblr's second-favorite member of the Fellowship, Sam has so many good lines I didn't want to use even one spot for "other" so if I missed your favorite (and it wouldn't surprise me if I did), just put it in the notes.

Yeah, I mixed book and movie quotes. Deal with it. ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

#results #commentary #sam #choose a favorite #long results post #<1000 votes

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leam1983 · 1 year ago

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Bolster

Shift's over, it's the dogpile, yadda yadda.

Walt practically crushes me against him, and I need a second to realize what's going on. He wants me on top, but he doesn't seem particularly primed, if you catch my drift. I send him a quizzical glance.

"Just get up there, sport," he says. "You're recovering, but a little Baby Treatment won't harm, I think."

What he calls the Baby Treatment is my straddling his belly and lying on his chest, the way some fathers sometimes rest their kids on their belly while resting. Soon enough one arm is bracing my legs and the other arm is across my back, with my head pressing against one of his cheeks.

I follow his instructions: I give in, slow down, give him my weight, follow his own breath. I feel it deepen, feel him sink down at his usual pace - of which I'll forever be jealous. I'm still kicking thoughts around that his jaw's already hanging, the first of a few snores almost timidly leaving him. He comes back to something approaching wakefulness a few minutes later, but doesn't open his eyes. He tunelessly hums for a few moments, having freed one hand to stroke Sarah's forearm.

I sink. I barely have time to worry about staining Walt's vest or his necktie with my drool that all thought leaves me. By my reckoning, I wake up mere moments later. By the sky's, dusk has fallen. We're getting closer to 9 PM than anything else, and we skipped our dinner times. Walt's managed to sink too, sans CPAP, and I have to thank happenstance for the fact that my parents are already asleep on the other side of our shared wall. I also don't need much to realize that I've effectively slobberd all over Walt's neckline. Eventually, my stirring awake wakes him up.

"Sorry about your shirt," I say, feeling my voice fray before I realize what's going on. His endeared grumble is the gut punch I didn't know I needed, and I start sobbing the last few days' worth of exhaustion out of my system. Walt immediately connects the dots and strokes my back.

People think effusion refers to desperate declarations, but in that moment, there's nothing sweeter or more possibly loving than Walt massaging my back with one hand while keeping his voice in his registry's lower ends.

I'm fine, he says. I'm okay. I'm safe, warm and loved. I can cry as much as I need to. And boy howdy, do I need to.

Wisely, Walt doesn't offer solutions in the immediate. He lets me cry, quietly soothes me, waits for the waterworks to dry and tolerates the mess I'm making on his favourite vest and shirt. It's weird, really - being exhausted is exhausting.

Then, softly, like a lover's promise:

"I'm cutting your hours and finishing on four o' clock starting this Monday. I'll also start booking interviews for people that could help you with your Pixie plan. Am I saying it right?"

I laugh and sniffle. "Its PXE Boot, but close enough. It means letting a remote server handle all Windows deployments. What are we going to do from four to six?"

Walt silently chuckles, his mass shaking underneath me. "Hopefully nothing. We're made for this, you and I. Chainsaw noises, drool, daytime naps... This is better than sex, honestly."

My rational brain catches up. "If you're slashing my hours, my pay's going down, right?"

Another tiny earthquake shakes me. "I'll, uh, forget to remove that extra hour from your paycheck. Every week."

I sigh, bringing up nepotism as a logical negative. He grumbles, bringing up nepotism as a positive.

"Plus, I'm the CEO," he then jokes. "What I say goes, and I say you deserve to be compensated for one hour per weekday spent gracing your employer's generous frame."

I laugh. "You mean ample."

He smiles. "No, Rubenesque."

"Try for Fernando Botero, instead. You're like one of his well-dressed beach balls."

We kiss. "Call me Wilson," he jokes. I'm, uh, nowhere near sticking a bloody handprint on his face, honestly.

We kiss again. God, I wish that were it. No job, no logistics - just this.

"Tell me I'm safe, again."

He does.

"Tell me I'm warm."

He does.

"Tell me I'm loved."

He slowly, gently crushes me against him. "The only two persons I know who could be loved as much as you are - you're living with."

And then he farts - his fattouche salad coming through at the worst possible moment. The mood being killed so effectively is beyond hilarious to me.

God, I love this big lug so much.

Happy weekend, folks.

#life post #long post

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lowtaxsa · 2 years ago

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Simulation Awful Presents: Airships! Just When You Thought They Were Out of Hot Air

Greetings, my lovely and totally unprepared readers! Lowtax here, with another steaming, stinking pile of stupid. Seriously, the things I read for your amusement should be considered a form of self-abuse, but here we are. Today, I've dragged the ever-so-hilarious Tanya von Degurechaff, our resident technical genius (and sass queen), into the fray to help me dissect and ridicule the latest idiocy: cargo airships. Yes, you read that right, somebody out there thinks airships are a legitimate solution to modern logistics. Buckle up, kids, this is going to be a bumpy ride!

According to the fever dream of a blog post written by Eli Dourado, titled "Bring Back the Cargo Airship!", there's apparently a need for these lumbering, flying monstrosities. I mean, who needs supersonic jets or hyperloops when we can just float our cargo through the sky like a wayward Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon? Tanya, my dear, would you like to weigh in?

Tanya: Oh, Lowtax, where do I begin? It's as if this Dourado character's time machine got stuck in the 1930s. It's like they saw the Hindenburg disaster and thought, "Yeah, that's the future right there." I'm sorry, but I can't take anyone seriously who thinks massive, slow-moving airships are the pinnacle of modern technology.

Lowtax: Right? But wait, it gets worse. Dourado claims that cargo airships will be the savior of rural areas, you know, because roads and airplanes apparently can't do that. I guess he thinks the Amish are just itching for an airship fleet. And for some reason, he envisions a future where cargo airships will be used for "high-priority, time-sensitive cargo." Tanya, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't airships slower than a sloth on tranquilizers?

Tanya: You're not wrong, Lowtax. A cargo ship would laugh at the idea of these airships even remotely keeping up with it. And let's not even talk about the energy efficiency of these glorified parade floats. The power-to-weight ratio is utterly abysmal.

Lowtax: I'd say it's about as energy-efficient as a Bigfoot convention at a solar-powered stadium. And let's not forget the minor detail that airships are, I don't know, kind of a massive target? It's like putting a "Shoot me!" sign on a pile of money and expecting it to be safe.

Tanya: Exactly. It's like painting a bullseye on the side of a blimp and then being shocked when it gets taken out by a rogue bird. Not to mention the issues with turbulence and maneuverability. I don't know about you, but I don't want my Amazon Prime packages coming via a method that has the aerodynamic grace of a brick in a wind tunnel.

Lowtax: Dourado goes on to claim that cargo airships will be more environmentally friendly, due to their "lighter-than-air" nature. I'm no scientist, but I'm pretty sure that just because something is full of helium doesn't mean it's not a gigantic, fuel-guzzling abomination.

Tanya: It's a laughable assertion, Lowtax. The sheer amount of energy required to keep these bloated monstrosities airborne would be astronomical. And, as you mentioned, the helium situation isn't exactly a bottomless well. I wouldn't be surprised if this plan single-handedly depleted our helium reserves, leaving the world's children without balloons for their birthday parties. Way to ruin childhood, Dourado!

Lowtax: But of course, Dourado wouldn't be the first to introduce terrible ideas and not think of the consequences. He's practically a poster child for bad decision-making. And speaking of terrible decisions, he also seems to think these airships would be useful for humanitarian aid. Because nothing screams "emergency response" like a sluggish, cumbersome airship, right?

Tanya: I can just imagine it now, Lowtax. A cargo airship slowly floating towards a disaster-stricken area while people on the ground are desperately yelling, "Hurry up, we need help!" and the airship is just like, "I'm going as fast as I can!" It's the perfect solution for people who want to feel like they're doing something without actually accomplishing anything.

Lowtax: It's like the superhero of uselessness. "Look! Up in the sky! It's...a bird? A plane? No, it's Cargo Airship, here to save the day...next week, maybe!" And you know what? I'd almost forgive all this if there was some kind of silver lining, like, say, these airships being cheap to produce. But nope! Dourado estimates that it would cost around $40 million to build one. That's like funding a small country's space program to develop a colossal, floating disaster.

Tanya: For that kind of money, you could buy a fleet of helicopters, cargo planes, or even invest in developing better, faster transportation solutions. But no, let's spend it on giant, inflatable blimps because that's clearly the smartest option.

Lowtax: If by "smartest," you mean "most comically absurd," then yes, I totally agree. You know what, Tanya? I think we've given this article more than enough of our precious time. I can only handle so much idiocy in one day.

Tanya: I couldn't agree more, Lowtax. It's been an absolute delight tearing apart this ridiculously misguided proposal with you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some actual work to do, like designing technology that doesn't belong in a slapstick comedy routine.

And there you have it, folks, another fantastically ludicrous idea torn to shreds by yours truly, Lowtax, and the ever-witty Tanya von Degurechaff. Be sure to tune in next time when we tackle another harebrained scheme that's so dumb, it makes cargo airships look like a stroke of genius. Until then, stay sarcastic, my friends!

#tanya von degurechaff #lowtax speaks #big blog

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