#I need a week of no time passing please
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Why is November blazing by so quickly STOP—
#I need a week of no time passing please#First of all because I wanna study#I need to make sure my CE hours are all up to date#Have to recert ACLS and BLS#Wanna write more fluff because I’m all out of material after today’s#And I need time to prep for this trip in December#How is advent starting in a week and a half????#random rambles
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me waiting for my writer’s block to fuck off and leave me alone so i can finish this chapter:
#my creativity is just so dead rn and it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin#i’ve been waiting MONTHS to finally have a little bit of free time to breathe and catch up on writing stuff#and naturally now that i have i am so mentally and emotionally drained i can barely string a sentence together#i feel so distant and detached from my characters#and yes i know it’ll pass#but i just feel so caught in this headspace rn and needed to vent#i’m SO close to finishing this chapter for good but i have well and truly fallen at the final hurdle#the perfectionism has got me#ugh#also if anyone reading this is worried about four walls being updated#please don’t#i literally circle through this headspace every single chapter#and it hasn’t stopped me yet#(and it never will either. i couldn’t give up on this fic if i tried)#but it’s just hitting me particularly hard this last week#why is writing such an agonising process sometimes#anyway#enough rambling from me for one night#i’ll drag myself back to my laptop and see if i can work some magic#wish me luck#writing stuff#lulu posts
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i am not ready, i will never be ready, but time will keep marching forward and it will happen whether or not i am ready for it
#cw animal death#cw loss#cw vent#tw existential dread#this is abt luna#ive just been filled with a deep sense of dread ever since artemis passed#because mice just do not live very long and it will be luna’s time sooner or later#and i am not ready#just like a week ago i could barely sleep because i worried myself sick about luna#i love having mice. and luna and artemis were the first pets ive ever had that i felt so deeply connected to#i love my cats and ive loved every pet ive ever had#but luna and artemis are special#ill have mice again after luna because i do love mice so much#but the dread is awful. so awful#im not ready#it doesnt matter if luna has days or weeks or months left#no amount of time will ever be enough#i randomly cried yesterday because i missed artemis so badly#i didnt have enough time with him#ughhh ok i need to stop before i make myself sadder#luna please live a long time. i love you
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Can you imagine living in a body that doesn't take turns with your mind to be sick? Yeah, exactly. Neither can I.
#seriously#after weeks of stress#poor resting schedule#almost no free time#i finally get a weekend to rest and I spend it with fever and a soar throat and muscle aching#it has always been like this for me#this is how my body react ro stress and I know it will pass BUT#i just needed a weekend to relax man#it is not that much#please.
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WE GOT AN EP ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
#it's not released until March 2025 which feels like forever away#but the time will pass#I fucking needed this this week#I've cried every day apart from Wednesday#also had two meltdowns#it hasn't been my week#but this has made it a lot better#I also have a concert tomorrow please keep your fingers crossed that it all goes to plan for me thank you#nati.#music
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I don't know why every time there's a bad situation going on adding extra stress in my life, it ALWAYS coincides with extra responsibilities being put on my shoulders- also adding extra stress in my life
#ONE THING AT A TIME PLEASE!!!!#felt just... on the verge of an anxiety attack for a lot of the day tbh#my grandpa is in the hospital so my mom is staying with him which means there's no one else in the house to help with dishes and laundry and#keeping things straightened up so it falls to me#and it's a lot! and my mom not being here also means I'm isolated all day while my dad and brother are working and I also don't drive so#my mom can't drive me anywhere so I'm also stranded and it's just... it's just a lot and I'm not doing well with the stress of my grandpa's#health and other stuff going on while having to deal with additional responsibilities#I already went through this for 9 days while he was in the hospital and then he came home! he was in the clear!#and I went out of town with my bf Friday to see a comedy show and came back Sunday and overnight#grandpa had to go back to the hospital so I didn't get to spend much time with my mom AND the stress of grandpa's situation AND I'm right#back where I was with the extra stress I already burnt out from last week#I know this too shall pass and all that but I'm just struggling 🫠🫠🫠#anyways. just needed to vent that ig#em rambles#vent post
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Omfg I never actually posted about this but just like 2 days ago I realized that no it is Not normal to experience lightheadedness near daily when I've gone just a little too long without eating
I looked it up and apparently lightheadedness/dizziness CAN be a part of fibromyalgia (which I think I have for a number of different reasons), so like. It all makes sense.
Fuckin fibromyalgia. It's the source of like 95% of my physical problems, I swear. Every Damn Thing can be traced back to it. What a pain.
#speculation nation#'what a pain' haha get it bc chronic pain#frankly speaking the chronic pain part of it isn't the Worst. it's only a few times a month that i get my arm and leg aches#(though sometimes ill have bouts that last longer. like in january i think when i had arm aches for over a Week)#then again my rib cartilage inflammation is a permanent thing. my ribs Always are fucked up.#and i dont know 100% that it's bc of fibro but this condition has been linked to fibro and it didnt go away with anti-inflammatories So#in the end the pain isnt my biggest concern for treating my fibro. aside from the frequent headaches. i Would like to counter those.#what i really need is help with my chronic fatigue and weakness spells#i hate how fragile i feel so much of the time. bc im NOT weak. for my size im actually surprisingly strong.#but im quick to tire and if i push myself too hard then im practically bedridden#i will literally get symptoms of sickness if im too fatigued. including nausea and coughing and headaches#all fixed after ive gotten some rest. so im not Actually sick.#im tired and fed up with how finicky my body is and how i have to eat on time always or i'll be threatened with passing out.#havent passed out Yet but ive had some times where i end up Having to sit bc i get tunnel vision and my scalp is prickling#and it feels like my brain is squeezing and i know i Have to sit down Right Now#idk. there are many things like this. and i am sooooo tired of it.#i want a fibro diagnosis so i can actually get some help for the things that make life so hard to live.#im not depressed im just chronically fatigued. and so very tired.#give me some Energizing Meds or smth. help me please 😭😭😭 i hate living like this 😭😭😭😭😭#i wanna be able to do things without being bedridden for the rest of the day 😭😭😭😭 please 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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ourgejjg
#i am feeling so ill rn for no reason and i need to shower and wash my hair so bad but i can tell if i do it rn it’ll make the#lightheadedness ten times worse and there is a nonzero chance i will just pass out in there 😭#best guess is bc my period started today and yeah the first two days suck but they’re not usually This bad#personal#also this is the last thing i need rn it’s tech week and all rehearsals lately have been going/are going to go till 10 pm and i have no tim#to do all my assignments and my probability prof assigned a lab today that’s due TMRW AT MIDNIGHT? <- we usually get a class period btwn#it being assigned and the deadline and he’s not even giving us until the next class period to do it now like why is it due at midnight#instead of noon the next day… also i have not one but two exams immediately following this weekend and i really want to see my family for#easter but that sounds like such a bad idea im so unproductive at home and i’ll be busier than usual when i go home on top of that bc easte#and one of the exams is circuits for which exams are worth 90% of our grade and im averaging a 74% at the moment which is NOT#promising and. AAAAA#also have an exam this thursday which imnot nearly as worried abt but still. and i have to meet w someone abt a scholarship tmrw during my#free period so i Still can’t work on that stupid lab due tmrw night like. this sucks okay ‼️#the engineering chronicles#the music chronicles#i know it was only a matter of time before musical started stressing me out but 😭 please give me back the joys of saturday’s rehearsal…#oh also there’s ANOTHER probability lab due day after easter and same day as circuits exam and the prof is the same so he knows full well#what he’s doing like. why are you not giving us the usual period in btwn for these anymore fuck you <3#OH ALSO soldering qualification i need to do for like 3 hours wednesday the night before my thursday exam. nearly forgot abt that one i hat#it hereeee#soldering i could reschedule tho which i might do. but ive already pushed it back once so im like :/ do i really wanna do that#idk. still feel sick as fuck and still need to do physics prelab tonight 😭 it shouldn’t take long but i really don’t want to get up and#stare at my computer even more ifeel so awful rn#ANYWAY. sorry that was oversharing even for me i am just 😐 you know.
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i do not know if i ever sent this to you. i have posted it. i hope you like it Princess.
#uhhhhhm no you HAVE NOT SENT THIS TO ME BEFORE?!?!#I literally am speechless#I’m not super talky right now#but even if I was I feel like I’d still be fucking speechless#like I already said I love your writing 🩷#and it fucking BLOWS ME AWAY when people write about me or use me as an inspiration#like????????? what??????? me???????????!#I’m going to keep this close to my heart and look at it whenever I’m feeling down#I don’t remember if I said that already but it’s true#I need to get a journal or a cute box to put things like this in so I can just grab it and look through them when I’m feeling shitty#one thing I needed to say is the fact that you shared this with me now of all times??? is kinda crazy to me#idk if it’s a coincidence or if the universe/God/whoever/whatever is trying to tell me to go back into music and singing#not going to go into it too much but I’ve been looking at my life a lot lately#and I’m realizing I’m not getting any younger…. I know I’m still young but if I don’t do something soon -#my life is going to completely pass before my eyes and I really really don’t want that#I’m *finally* going to get mental help soon (long story but I have to wait a few weeks)#and once I’m actually mentally stable I can focus on what I want to do with my life#so I’ve been thinking a lot about my performing arts background and then randomly a get an email from a choir director I know#asking if I could please join the choir for their Easter performance cause they could really use my high notes#and she just kept complimenting me and it felt really nice ☺️#then when I went to the first rehearsal I sat next to this girl and we were singing a part and the first sopranos go up to a high A#and I can hit it easily but most of them couldn’t so it felt like I was going this mini solo lol#but she asks me what my range is and I told her that back when I trained I could sing queen of the night which I think goes up to an F6#and she was talking about how impressive that is#and it made me think about if I actually trained and got back into it how good I actually could get#I don’t mean this to be like ‘look at me look at me I’m so good’#it just feels nice to have a little bit of a direction again#who knows if I���ll actually go down the music path again but it does sound damn exciting#I miss it with all my heart - I miss singing and performing and acting… I even miss music theory#anyway rant over and i ran out of space but thank you so much I seriously can’t thank you enough 😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
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thinking of another sparkle on merch idea
#txt#MY IRL JUST SEND ME SPARKLE GONE LAST NIGHT#I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YHK AS ON OFF N GAWN#but i alr made a sparkle on kdj sticker#but my big idea is that these would be in my normal style (not my chibi n simplified style)#and they'd be in a shitty square ratio sticker#deliberately bad sticker ideas#i need to make these when i have the time#dear god please give me strength#i am not ur strongest soldier (has been overworked this entire year bc of uni)#sorry to all new followers who expect me to churn out art eveey other week#I am a college student struggling to pass their classes LMAO#obligatory -> i miss my wife kazunari miyoshi
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The urge to bite your arms and feel the blood trickle warm down your wrists to pool on the floor every time you get overstimulated
#i want to sleep but if i do I'll lose all my alone time but if i dont sleep i wont wake up early tomorrow like i have to but if i sleep i-#-wont be able to spend watch that movie ive been wanting to watch and my phone is fucking dead so ill have to charge it and if i charge it-#-it will take time to charge and ill have to stay up even later to finish that movie which will make me suffer even more sleep deprivation#but i deserve to see the fucking movie ive been frying my brain like goddamn eggs for the past week to pass this unit but i also need to go#to school tomorrow cuz ive already taken too many leaves and i also need to submit those assignments i havent even done#im so fucking overstimulated i havent cried this hard in weeks im so fucking frustrated can someone please put a bullet in my head
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why must it be that the one roommate who handles the official city shit for my apartment (utilities, parking permits, etc) be the absolute worst at responding to my messages
#hey remember when i said my biggest pet peeve was shit communication.#[redacted] PLEASE answer my fucking texts already i swear to gd#i need him to get a visitor's parking pass for me so i can keep my car on our street without getting fined into oblivion#while i'm in the process of registering it....#like three hours ago he texted me saying he couldn't get a pass and hasn't given me a single fucking detail as to why#i can't get the pass myself because only one person can be registered at a residence at a time on the parking website#i'm going to go insane please just tell me what the fucking problem is i need to put my car somewhere#cause it's gonna take me at least a week or two to get my car fully registered and i can fucking not get ticketed before then#pulling out my fucking hair over here#i wanna talk about me
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im at peace with who i am. and im at war in my own head. WHYYY DIDNHE WRITE THIS
#FRANK I AHOULDVE GOT UP THERE ON THAT STAGE AND BEAT U UP!!!!#NEXT TIME DUNES TOUR IM COMINGM FOR U LITTLE MAN IM NOT GOING TO LET THIS PASS ANY LONGWR!!#can someone teleport here and take my headphones away from me please 🙏#idont need 2 be gfoing thru this right now.. its a happy week FEANK WHY WONT U LET ME BE HAPPY....
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just the tip? - choso kamo; no nut november "i don't think i can do this," choso mumbles, burying his face into your neck and ignoring the movie in the background. "jus' the tip. please, baby, lemme have this," he whines, grabbing a handful of your hip and squeezing. "cho, pay attention to the movie." you murmur back, tugging on a strand of his hair, and he only shakes his head and fumbles for the remote. "no, baby, i can't do this challenge, its hard..." his cock is already painfully hard and swollen in his pants as he palms your thighs, pouting. "need t'have you...please..." and chosos drowsy eyes meet yours, and he looks so needy, that you cant tell him no. his fingers pull your panties to the side just enough, and he cant stop himself from hastily shoving down his sweatpants and he whimpers when he gets to slide his tip against your sopping cunt. hes kissing you, messy and wet and grabbing at your flesh as best he can while he pants against your mouth. he cant wait, he said just the tip, but- his hips stutter forward, sinking into you another inch and making him babble mindlessly against your lips. "oh- please, so good, she's suckin' me in-" he drawls, tears gathering on his eyelashes as he whimpers against your chest. his swollen, blushing tip is kissing against your walls, weak, delirious cants of his hips pushing just a little further into you and making him groan against your neck. choso was so sure he'd survive no-nut-november. when you first told him about it, he thought it would be easy. "she's so loud f'me, baby," hes breathing into your skin, fevered pants and open-mouthed, sticky kisses to your neck. it wasnt easy. he made it a week, but now, he barely thinks he can last a minute with your pretty little cunt sucking him in. he doesn't even realize hes crying and hiccupping through his moans. his vision is white with stars while hes twitching inside you, finally bottoming out inside you and almost immediately losing himself in a nauseating climax that makes him swear he'll pass out. but he doesnt, his eyes lidded and his breath ragged as he rolls his hips into yours again and again, his cock hilted snugly inside your cunt while he tries not to crush you under his weight. the whole time, hes whining into your shirt, babbling about how pretty you look, how good your sopping walls are sucking him in and taking his whole load as he presses his face into your chest.
when he gets ahold of himself, hes kissing you all over your face, smiling deliriously and making sure you cum just as good as he did with his rough thumb to your clit and slow, tantalizing rolls of his hips into yours.
he probably wont be doing no-nut-november next year.
#choso jjk#choso#choso smut#choso supremacy#choso jujutsu kaisen#jjk choso#choso x reader#choso kamo#jujutsu kaisen choso#kamo choso#jjk#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader smut#jjk x reader#choso kamo smut
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still just so so disappointed though :-(
#like its ok... but my heart hurts#so frustrating struggling with little things that seem to come to other people so much more easily#i feel like i only live half the life that other people do. or less like i just feel so slow and incapable and far behind everyone else#and i dont think ill ever catch up. and thats okay i know its not a race and i know i shouldnt compare myself to others#n everyone has their own struggles ahhh i know#and im trying and its not like my life is even that bad but man.#its so hard to make peace with only having a half life. always falling short never quite being enough for myself or anyone else#its so alienating i feel so distant and disconnected from everyone and everything so much of the time#and i dont know how to solve that i dont know if its even solvable. i dont want it to be like this forever 🥹🥹🥹🥹#its okay sometimes. i just have to do my best to live my life in those fragments and then just get by the rest of the time#at least having the flat to myself this weekend means i can cry openly and dont have to hold my breath to not make noise when im sobbing#just gotta get it out. ill feel better and worse and better and worse and maybe next weekend will be okay or the next or the next whenever#aw man.#.diaries#3pm and all ive done today is a single load of laundry and cry a lot. why did i even both taking meds this morning#havent been productive and havent done any hobbies or anything for myself i only get 2 days off a week and i waste all that time#like it would be fine if i wanted to do nothing. but i dont!!!!!!!!! i dont want to feel like this and zone out and stare into space#while time just passes and im so tired after work on weekdays its so hard to do anything then its so stupid to waste all this#but i feel so fucking bad i dont even know why im still doing this i need to get up and DO SHIT my mind is a fucking cage please#cant stop crying again now i hate this so much please i dont know what to do about it i just need it to stop
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“I didn’t shave—“
“I do not…give a fuck. Open your legs.”
You and Bakugo have this argument at least once a month. You only need to wax your little lady once a month after your period , and it’s about that time to do so but you have 2 problems;
Your appointment isn’t until 2 more days, and you have a boyfriend that has been waiting a full week to eat you out.
“‘Suki I told you I hate—-“
“Why do you give a fuck about that? It’s HAIR.”
“I FEEL DIRTY.”
“You just took an everything shower.”
Bakugo NEVER understood the point of shaving your pussy anyway. He genuinely does not care whether there is hair or not on it, and after having an irritating crave to eat your pussy he definitely couldn’t care less.
“It’s a bush.”
“I don’t—- y/n the area I wanna suck—“
“Don’t be a pervert.”
He deadpanned at you, the Blondie also never cared for how blunt he was with his dirty words. Just two weeks ago you and him were eating cereal when he just casually spoke, “When I get home tonight I wanna eat your pussy against the door like I did last night.” As he gets up to clean his bowl.
No emotion
And no care.
He’s a damn savage.
“Your clit don’t have hair on it it’s just the lips.”
“OMY fucking—“
“Please.”
You blink, “what…”
“Don’t make me repeat myself.”
Bakugo groans loudly and lays his head on your shoulder. And bites it, “OW!” The main reason why Bakugo haven’t let up is because you and him established a strict safe word rule. He knows he can be pushy with things he wants but he’d never want to make you uncomfortable about it. If you GENUINELY don’t want him to all you have to say is “TNT” and he’ll drop it no questions asked. And never bring it up again.
But here you are, contemplating.
Your thoughts get broken by a soft kiss on your jaw, his scarred warm palms lifting your his shirt , playfully tapping his fingers on your clothed panties, “I heard you playing with yourself in the shower.”
You freeze, feeling his devious smirk against your cheek, his natural scent and musk clouding your mind as he keeps kissing you, rubbing on your body, “You want it as bad as I do. I fucking know you do.”
“Remember last time?”
He had your knees to your ears last time, ass hanging off the edge of the bed as he spit, licked, and sucked all inside and on your pussy. His fluffy hair tickling your inner thighs, his thumbs pressing into your skin so deep you could just barely grind against his mouth. Bakugo was always a nasty ass eater to the point you were embarrassed just watching him.
His ring and middle finger swirling circles on your clit as his tongue filled your aching tight hole, the way he stops for a moment to kiss the soft little nub , nearly making out with it making you roll your eyes because his pillowy wet lips felt soooooo good against you.
You remembered how he’d slap your ass a few times when you looked away for too long or covered your mouth, you swore he’d heat up his hands slightly just to do so.
You remembered how he’d hold your ankles up and he licked stripes against your pussy and his tongue teasing your other hole.
You remembered how he’d swished his head back and fourth while his lips captured your clit and tugged on it. Sending you over the edge while he sucked and groaned. Two fingers pumping inside you.
“You remember, huh.” His raspy voice against your ear, already teasing his fingers inside you panties, “You came so much you passed out right after.”
The more he spoke to distract you the further he got, eventually laying you down on his huge couch, to pulling off your panties, to opening you legs, to kissing each thigh, and down to repeating his exact actions from last time.
And no he did NOT care about the hair.
#mha#bakugo katuski#bakugou katsuki#bnha bakugo katsuki#bnha bakugou#katsuki bakugo mha#mha bakugou#bakugo x black reader#bakugou x reader#bakugou x y/n#bakugou x you#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugo#virgin bakugo#bakugo headcanons#bakugo x black female#bakugo x reader#bakugo x y/n#bakugo x you#mha x black female reader#Bakugou smut#bakugo smut#bakugo x female reader#mha x black reader#mha x reader
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