#I need a fucking break
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pls pray 5 me I am getting my wisdom teeth consulted on tomorrow hopefully
I am fucking desperate to get these stupid things out, I'm in so much fucking pain, I just need this to be DONE
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aftershocks of the phone debacle continue to fuck up my life but we persist despite the horrors.
#waughhhhh#i need a fucking break#at least things are better from here right???? RIGHT???#in any case I am determined to get back into the swing of things and at least I still have my meds#but like if anyone is wondering why I'm hardly active rn this is why#on the plus side i LITERALLY can't do anything about it until tomorrow so I am trying to put this new mess out of my brain#and just bank up some spoons
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so it’s not enough for me to struggle mentally i’m also feeling the worst i’ve ever felt physically :)))
#this is my villain origin story#been to the ER twice the past two weeks that’s how bad it is :)#i‘m going to fucking kill myself it’s not even getting better#first i had a 40C/104F fever for D A Y S#then i got an antibiotic and at least the fever went down#BUT :)))#i got a cough and it was that bad that i started coughing up blood#at some point i just started throwing up cause again.. the cough was so intense#and if you think that’s all#no no no :)#right now i have a horrible allergic reaction to the antibiotic i mentioned that i haven’t even been taking since a week#i’ve got a HIGH dose of cortisone which i’m done with too now and it pretty much did nothing#like i guess it saved me from dying (yippie yay thanks now i just have to suffer more) but the rash isn’t just still there its worse#i can’t handle this shit#literally going insane#i need a fucking break#if one (1) more thing is thrown at me i‘ll just start sobbing#personal
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for some unknown reason i have this weird urge to smoke but i don't even like smoking, ugh
#drinking is still fine by me#but smoking burns in the chest and i dont like it#i need a fucking break#and a distraction#meanslackofart#spilled thoughts#rant#desiblr#desi tag#desi tumblr#desi#ugh#random
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FINALLY FREE😭
lazy weekend here I come
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was gonna leave for the weekend but honestly i’m feeling awful here and am just gonna log out now
#i was gonna write today but i’m not doing that either#i need a fucking break#that’s all#and i’m going to a cabin in the middle of nowhere this weekend#so i’m gonna be nowhere
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Yall ever get so tired of life all you want to do is sleep but then at the same time you don't want to go to bed because that means you're going to have to wake up at some point? Or worse. Wake up in the morning.
#I'm really fucking tired#i need a fucking break#more or less a break from life#can someone take on my role of living for a few weeks?#Can I just sleep? please?#Gods somebody hit me over the head so I can sleep#tired#feeling useless#depressing shit#depressed???
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Still in the midst of a fatigue period and now im getting that fatigue depression :/
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haha ignore this i need to vent
i'm so fucking done i'm so fucking mad at everyone i'm pissed at my cousin for fucking me over i'm pissed at my clients for being fucking idiots i'm pissed at my city for NEVER HAVING WORKING FUCKING TRANSIT i'm not okay i'm so not fucking okay and i don't even have my fucking headphones bc they fell out of my jacket in my cousins STUPID FUCKING CAR THAT I BASICALLY PAY FOR BUT GOD FORBID SHE DRIVE ME HOME so now i get to spend over 2 hours (after i've spent 3 hours on transit/waiting for her this morning) on public transit to get home WITHOUT my music and my clothes are ruined with cat hair from my clients today so that's fucking great and OF COURSE everything in the fucking city is delayed bc WHY WOULD WE MAKE ANYTHING EASY FOR ME NO ITS FINE ILL JUST FUCKING SUFFER TO MAKE THINGA EASY FOR EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE GODFORBID I GET TO CATCH A FUCKING BREAK
#no i'm not okay#i'm fuckimg crying on a train#that's on the LITERAL OPPOSITE END OF THE CITY FROM MY HOUSE#i spent just under 3 hours working today#and i'm spending over 5 hours getting to and from work#i'm so fucking done i'm so sick of being alive#holy fucking christ can ANYTHING not be fucking shit!!!!!!!#i hate being alive!!!!!!! i don't want to do this anymore!!!!!!!#and i can't even fucking kill myself bc god forbid the people in my life be sad#they can't lose me but they can fuck me over constantly!!!!!#god fuck i'm so fucking sick of this#i need a fucking break#humans aren't meant to work this much and im going to start actually commiting violence about it#tw suicide mention#personal rambles#ignore this#i'm just being too sensitive 🙃🙃🙃🙃#i'm just Letting My Emotions Control Me 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#disclaimer i'm safe i'm not actually at risk of hurting myself at all i promise#i just wanna die but i'm not gonna do anything
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Last week (including and between both Fridays) has been such a dumpster fire it’s almost comical
#my anxiety is bad enough that I want to throw up and poop#I genuinely want to go back to school and see everyone and continue learning#had to go to the er last Friday and then texted my ex while there#Saturday and Sunday where chill#so was Monday#Tuesday was a disaster bc of my flat tire and broken lock at work#and I had to get bloodwork again yesterday due to my trip to the we#i need a fucking break#also had an auntie pass
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#sigh. when will fandom stop suicide baiting others over fictional characters#i'm going on a blocking spree and it's frustrating and disappointing to see mutuals on that list#i need a fucking break#vent post#maz rambles
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same bro same
#i need a fucking break#just ran a mile and a half yesterday for a track meet#possibly the same(hopefully less) tomorrow#my social battery has died and has been dead for the past couple of days#ppl in my classes are assholes
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Some days I pray that there will be a power outage at the lab so I don't have to go to work. This would cause many problems for many people, but I want to stay home and take a nap. I'm so fucking tired.
#i am burnt out#i need a fucking break#i am suffering#i need to ask for some time off but gah human conversations are horrible and cursed#especially with my boss who is like the embodiment of awkward#hylian rambles#vent post
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I really hate periods of high anxiety. So, last week I was stressing out about invigilating on Saturday morning - I was thinking about it when I went to bed; I was thinking about it when I got up. I knew I was going to have an anxiety ripple when, afterwards, I'd be so keyed up that everything would make me anxious. Case in point: car insurance renewal. Challenged them this morning, saved £200 but I could have saved £70 going elsewhere but I didn't want the anxiety of cancelling and getting new insurance. Now I'm anxious that I'm stupid and not good enough and should have done better, considering I'm saving up for a house.
...today I'm working from home due to staff training and, honestly, all I want to do is curl into a ball and cry.
#i need a fucking break#a proper break#with no lesson planning and no jobs around the house#just me and three hours of unburdened time
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you ever feel physically ill because you have to get up tomorrow and repeat the same monotonous work day all over again?
#mental health is taking a nosedive#it has been all week i’ve just been trying to ignore it#i feel like i’m about to lose my marbles here#i need a fucking break#which is why i’m taking a personal day on thursday#for my own mental sanity
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