#I need 100 by January -- so I'm really '???'

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

*dusting off this old blog* Well it's been a while, isn't it?

[nerdykeppie]

Okay, y'all.

I'm gonna be really up front with everybody in a way that I'm usually not:

This year so far has been really rough, in a way that kinda has me worried. Bear with me, and there will be dog pictures along the way and pictures of new swag at the end, ok?

Running a small business is always rough, and with everything going on - with me being down-and-out struggling to get my hysterectomy approved, with everything going on financially & politically, with Jake moving out here - we knew that this year probably wouldn't be a banner year, but...

... when I pulled reports at the end of May, I was kinda shocked and gutted because at the start of June, we were actually down a considerable amount year over year. I knew the year wouldn't be great, but like, oof.

Pride is usually where we make our money for the year - we call it "gay Christmas," because where other retailers count on their holiday season, we count on Pride to make sure that our employees get paid during January of the following year.

Pause for Ser Davos Seawoof:

This Pride has started ... slowly. Not terribly, but a little more slowly than I'm comfortable with, and slowly enough that I'm nervous. We invested a lot of money in new stock and equipment, and that's got to pay off. Right?

So here's the pitch:

We need to make at least $60K in sales this month to make sure that we're in good shape for the upcoming year. We are currently at $8100, and we have a two-day event coming up in Seattle at the end of the month, but that still gives us an awful lot of ground to make up.

If we hit our sales goal for this month, NerdyKeppie will donate 1% of our net profit for June to @queerliblib.

Just hitting that goal would both make it possible for us to know we can make it through the year & even if we have the worst profit margins this month, it'd be a minimum $250 donation.

We just added Express delivery as a shipping upgrade on most of our t-shirts (limited color and size options on that, which isn't under our control) so if you need something quick, we've got you, and everything from our Portland HQ collection ships usually within 2 business days.

Everything in our Bottoms & Tops collection is Buy 2, Get a 3rd 69% off with code TOP2BOTTOM until midnight tonight:

And as always, NerdyKeppie is 100% trans-owned and queer-run. We start all of our employees at a minimum of $25/hr, and all eligible employees are IWW members. We have no investors, and we have no shareholders to please. Big box corporations screw over small artists and drop Pride the minute it gets hard or controversial, but this is our life.

We're here for the long run. Help us stay and help us build resources for today & tomorrow, and get some cool-ass swag while you do.

💗🏳️‍🌈

[t4t4t]

Hi

I'm still recovering from bottom surgery I got on July 25th in some ways but I'm healing up well in many ways. I got a MRSA infection that hasn't totally passed, might've been from the hospital, might've been from a roommate. Which was kinda an additional reason we wanted to move from smwr to smwr else that's cheaper anyway in a number of ways, utilities/location/etc.

Collie's bottom surgery is scheduled for November 13th, I hope that actually happens. She's wondering if she should recover at the new place but now it's so soon I'm not sure we can find anything else. She seems really suicidal and stressed about it. I'm worried.

We wanted to leave as soon as we could tbh so they're asking for the 5 days rent of the end of September but I only have to have that by the next time I pay rent. If we stay here. Idk. I kinda like the roommates but she thinks the house isn't soundproofed enough. But it's been less annoying than Brook's house in the past few days in my eyes.

I still haven't been able to pay the PO box and they're giving me until the 10th to pay the 100, and I can't pay month to month or anything cheaper apparently.

The place is also asking for a deposit of 500 but they're kinda only expecting that in a 2 to 3 month range, or like. Kinda on the basis of how my income changes / if I get a job / etc.

119 + 710 + 500 + 100 = 1429

I need 100 by the 10th of October and 829 by the 1st of November and 500 eventually. Idk. I hope I'm able to get a job before my FFS on January 28th. I wonder how long that will me put me out of work.

(I already was able to pay them 710 for October based on what had been donated.)

Anything helps.

Help two disabled trans women not be homeless like they have 80% of the time been waiting for surgery for 4 years and finally get the surgeries they've been waiting to get for 4 years. <3

https://www.paypal.me/NoraEstherRose

https://venmo.com/u/nora-esther-rose

https://www.paypal.me/androgynophore

https://venmo.com/u/Leah-Esther-Rose

[novascharms]

teach please me — tutor!reader x soccer player!rafe

reader's life is meticulously planned, from high school to becoming president of the country—she knows exactly where she's headed and every step to get there. but her airtight plan hits a snag when the principal ropes her into tutoring rafe cameron, the school’s star soccer player, who’s failing algebra and at risk of being benched next season. the team needs him on the field, and reader needs the principal’s glowing recommendation to secure her spot at her dream school. balancing her ambitious goals with rafe’s chaotic charm might just throw her perfectly crafted plan off track.

a.n — double update cause it's a short one + apology for the contents of this chapter word count — 1.4 chapter index — prev. chap. — next chap. masterlist

seven

wednesday, january 29th

"no, i'm telling you, it's real! i read about it." devon pulls on hazel's arms as the four of you walk toward your school building. "someone talking about it in a tiktok video is not reading about it, devon." ivy laughs and devon shoves her to the side. "you believe me, right, y/n?" she turns to you and you're in this weird inbetween place where you can hear them, sort of but your mind is also in a million other places so you don't immediately answer.

"hey?" hazel rests an arm on your shoulder which halts you, "hm?" you ask and look at your three very concerned best friends. "you know we don't have to go, right? we can just..go to my house, get all the strawberry ice cream from the freezer and have a long discussion about ..cryptozoology. devon can tell us about that time she saw the loch ness monster again." she says and you smile when devon mutters something about her experience being 100% real.

"you have a perfect attendance, hazel. we are not going to tarnish that for..a boy. i'm okay." you try to sound convincing, try to convince yourself even because really, it shouldn't suck as much as it does. you knew that rafe somehow reciprocating your crush was wishful thinking. it was stupid to ever even entertain or let the idea play in your mind.

you'd had crushes before, even kissed two guys. once when you were fourteen and once when you were fifteen but looking at them never felt the same way as looking at rafe and you had never even come close to kissing him.

"but—"

"no. let's go." you force the three girls forward. you were first in your class, first in your entire grade, you singlehandedly organise almost every major and minor event at this school, you process all the complaints and changes students want almost weekly, you help your parents at home, you work at a bakery on saturdays, you volunteer on sundays. you are resilient and capable and rafe cameron is not going to bat his eyelashes and break you in one month of knowing him. it just wasn't going to happen. it couldn't.

you could avoid him, you think as you walk into the school building. right? this school was fairly big and truth be told, before you started tutoring, rafe didn't really stand out to you. things could go back to that time. they had too.

the first four hours went perfectly. you passed by the office and helped sandy with some paperwork until class started, then you went to class and were able to avoid him during the break as well.

you got nervous when lunchtime came around. you and your friends usually stayed in school during lunch which meant rafe could just walk up to you in the cafeteria but there were other places you could go. you could go to the green spaces or the common area. maybe even the bleachers in the basketball court though you never really liked the smell in there.

you eventually chose the green space. it was quiet and calm, just what you needed. you and your friends sat down and when you open your bag you realise you left your lunch in your locker. "i left my lunch in my locker, i'll be right back." you tell them and fish your key out of your bag before making your way out of the green space and down the stairs.

when you made it to the second floor, you walked to your locker, keys jiggling in your hands. "y/n?" your heart stopped at the sound of his voice, and the natural course of action when someone called your name was to stop or at least turn but you just kept walking. "uh huh?" you answered.

"hey, hold on!" he called and you heard him start to jog. you start to walk faster. "i..uhh am kinda in a hurry!"

"just wait." he grabs your wrist and whips you around. he looks unjustifiable good again. you force yourself to not make eye contact. "yes, rafe?" you find yourself saying in the most passive tone and his gaze lingers, filled with worry. "what happened yesterday? i texted you like ten times." he's visibly upset—crease between his brows, soft searching eyes boring it yours and it makes you upset and now you want to pinch yourself for being upset because you've created some kind of fucked up parasocial relationship with a guy who has no real interest in you.

"i..just wanted to go home. so, i went home." is the only thing you can come up with. it's technically the truth too. you pull your wrist away from his hand and he watches the action with a pained expression. "did something happen while i was gone? why didn't you come to me? i was going to take you home."

you shake your head nonchalantly dismissing him, "it's fine. i like walking, i barely exercise so i need it. it's absolutely fine." you're already turning around to find your locker but he's grabbing your wrist again, "why are you acting like this?" he's frustrated with you. you understand. you're acting different but you're frustrated with him too. even if you don't necessarily have the right to be. "you know i'm not that smart so stop playing fucking mind games with me."

you frown at his tone but also his choice of words. "you are smart, rafe. you're very smart." you correct, not liking it when he belittled himself. him not believing he was capable or smart was the whole reason he needed tutoring in the first place.

"yet i can't piece together why you're mad at me." he says, his tone displeased and you shake your head, finding his eyes. you find yourself wanting to appease him, wanting to make him feel better. you hate that he's upset, it coils something deep inside of you. "i am not mad. i'm not upset, i just..i didn't want to—" it was baffling how much you struggled to come up with a lie. you weren't a liar, okay? "i-i saw you, i saw..that you were, you were.. and i j-just—" you stammered and threw your head back in frustration.

he stared at you, eyes wide and expecting. "you just..what? how am i meant to fix it if you won't tell me what's wrong?"

"you haven't done anything wrong; if anything it's me. i—"

"you what? you didn't have fun? did someone hurt you?"

"no one did anything." you murmur and it seems to be what pushes him over the edge, "then what's wrong?" he snaps, his apparent annoyance bursting at the seams.

"nothing is wrong. there is nothing to fix, i just wanted to go home so i went home!" you yelled suddenly and rafe along with the couple of people still in the hallway stared at you in what could only be describe as utter surprise. "sorry..i'm sorry." you tried to collect whatever pride you still had and turned on your heel abandoning your food completely.

it started slowly. just slow breaths as you walked up the stairs, then that pit in your throat when you were on the third floor, followed by tears in your eyes that you were frantically trying to blink away on the fourth floor, and when you finally made it to green space, the tears were streaming down your cheeks and hazel was already standing up before you'd even made it to the table. "oh, no, sweetheart," she's pulling you in your arms and the dam just breaks and you're letting out everything you'd been holding in since that stupid bonfire. "it's okay, i'm so sorry, you're okay." her comforting whispers and gentle kisses are muffled and overshadowed by the way you're crying in her arms.

you feel ivy and devon's hands on your back, rubbing slow circles, "we got you," you feel a warm hug from behind and one on the side. you're completely cooped up, unable to even see anymore light, just little cracks. either way your vision is blurry with tears. "i w-wanna go h-home.." you hiccup in hazel's neck and you can feel her nodding. "we'll go home. we're going home."

hazel's parents are surprised to see the four of you home but when they see which state you're in, they barely question it. her mom orders take out, the junkiest junk food they can find, she calls your mom to tell her where you are, you pile onto the couch and they don't mention rafe once. you have a six-hour-long discussion about cryptozoology and the science behind mythical creatures.

chapter index — prev. chap. — next chap.  taglist — @rafeysworldim19 @my-name-is-baby @pogueprincesa let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist & interact with post to remain tagged <3

[crypticscarecrow]

OUT OF CODES!!

Thank you everyone who dm'd! These went out a lot faster than intended- I'll keep an eye on codes that haven't been activated yet by January and recycle them if needs be. uu

Quick thing:

If anyone wants a toyhouse account I've got a fuckton of codes to give out, and just for notifcations sakes, dm me for a code

Yall got till December 31, 2024 OR until I'm out of codes, which I'd prolly delete this post

(12/22/2024) Edit: redited this since I assume people aren't reading through it-

Please DM; I don't answer asks for this

One per user

Unused codes: If I notice after 2024/Start 2025 codes haven't been used, I might start sending them off to others to use so please do just activate your account! (This doesn't apply if you JUST got it at the end of December but most of yall got a few weeks and I notice a few inactive codes floating there, I wanna make sure everyone who REALLY WANTS to join, gets the chance to!

Remaining codes atm: 100 Toy House codes

[sanaexus]

short n' sweet- prologue

after winning the U20 vs Bluelock match 28th January 2019, 11:48pm __________________

rin was pissed, beyond pissed, he was frustrated, angry but mainly disappointed. he failed to get sae to recognize him. again. he was shaken out of his thought when you ran up to him hugging him.

"rin!! you won. bro said nah he'd win and actually won!" you arms were wrapped around him what was this sudden feeling in his chest? it felt...comforting? your giggles were ringing through his ears and your perfume was so sweet. why was this hug different? he's hugged so many times, why was this time any different?

"rin? rinrin? with this treasure i summon the" you pulled away looking up at his face, it looked sad and angry but confused? you wondered what was going on behind those gorgeous eyes. wait what? gorgeous eyes? when did you start feeling that way about him?

your voice snapped him out of his thoughts, "yeah, we won" he sounded uninterested and bored.

"oh come on! cheer up a little you just won one of the most important matches of your career so far, you could be a little happy you know.." you tried you best to comfort him but you doubted it would work

"happy for what? that isagi was the one chosen by sae? that isagi is the hope of japanese football? is that was you want me to be happy about?" shit. he didn't mean to snap, he really didn't but it just came out he wanted to apologize but before he could you cut him off.

"okay why the fuck are you taking out your anger on me? i came all the way from madrid just for you and that's how you wanna talk to me? fuck off" fuck he messed up didn't he?

while walking away you bumped into this guy with a weird haircut who you recognized was bachira, rin had mentioned him before, he was the guy who had a monster right?

"oh sorry i didn't mean oh wait you're uhh bachira right? amazing plays man! you were so cool out there!" you complimented the taller male which made him blush, he was cute that was no doubt.

"yeahh thank youu WAIT YOU'RE Y/N RIGHT? LIKE THE STREAMER Y/N? HOLY FUCKING SHIT IM A HUGE FAN!"

"y-yeah, please quite down a little i'm y/n i don't wanna attract any unwanted attention"

"oh oops sorry i got a bit silly, can i have your number?" he was smiling like a small kid it was hard to not melt, but you only met this guy, but he looked harmless what's the worst that could happen?

"yeah sure it's xxx-xxx-xxx"

"cool thank you! you're rin's friend right?"

"yeah, good friends i've known him since i was in diapers so i guess so, wait how'd you know?"

"i saw you talking to him, is everything alright by the way? you look a bit off"

"just a small argument with rin it's nothing"

"he's a silly little fella he'll come around he's just on his periods probably"

that made you giggle, "yeah probably" bachira was really nice a bit odd but he was a really sweet guy, you were questioning why rin called him weird but rin thinks everyone is weird right?

"anyways i'll text you i need to go catch up with my team it was really nice meeting you though!"

"you too bachira, i'll see you around"

walking away you got a notification on your phone you have been added to "lvl 100 rizzlers"

oh what the fuck?

lvl 100 rizzlers

xxx-xxxx-xxx recognize this number mr edgelord

rinrin oh you fucker

xxx-xxxx-xxx who the fuck is that baxhira?

xxx-xxxx-xxx is it a female? FCUKIGN FINALLY

xxx-xxxx-xxx challenge: otoya try to stop being horny (NIT CLOCKBAUT GONE WRONG😱😱)

"oh so are they in love or they not in love?"  -bachira

will rin accept his feelings for you? or will he keep denying it? will you realise that maybe your feelings aren't one sided? only time, situations and his " friends" will tell.

the text from now on will be image wise and not actually typed out (?) if that makes sense

[newtsgirl122]

Um? - January 19th, 2025

So as of now, TikTok was restored in the U.S. - we all got a little message from the app praising Donald Scumbag Trump. Which is 100% propaganda and political theatre.

I still plan on leaving the app as well as anything Meta and X related come tomorrow when that POS takes office.

One thing I do want to acknowledge is what was said about Americans after the TikTok shut down - many of us are a victim of circumstance. This is where we just so happened to be born. Do you really think we enjoy being the laughingstock of the world? This country is 100% an oligarchy! Half of us are educated and DID NOT vote to reelect him! I didn't! I never voted for him and never will!

I am a historian, I study History - specifically WWII and the Holocaust as well as anything pertaining to genocide, fascism, and the like. Ever since 2016, I have been screaming from the rooftops that this is the path we are on. I am going on 22 years old this year and I knew way back then that this place is a huge mess, and I don't want to live in it! I want to live where I am not going to fear for my life going to school or a grocery store! I want to be able to afford groceries and healthcare and I want my kids to have a good quality education! I am not rich! Being able to eat tomorrow is hardly in my budget let alone being able to leave. I have a list of places I'd love to be a citizen of instead of the U.S. but now I see just how much my fear of being welcomed is validated.

It reminds me of the Handmaid's Tale, when the Canadians started attacking American refugees who escaped Gilead. My ancestry originated from mainly Ireland, Switzerland, and Scottland. I still have close relatives that live in Switzerland. You all see what Trump says he wants to do - if I would leave for the fear of my safety as a bisexual, non-Christian, single woman with a baby on the way, would I be understood and welcomed? Or would I receive hate and backlash for being an invader? All because I'm sick of living in constant fear?

This country is not what we are indoctrinated from the age of 5 to believe it is. It is full of suffering, struggle, and oppression on levels many of you don't see. My parents were drug addicts. I was raised by my grandmother who gets no aid or support from anyone and now works part time. The "American Dream" is just that, a dream.

Americans may very well need help in the not-so-distant future, who will be there to help us? Or will we all be condemned?

Xenophobia isn't exclusively American...

[lukolabrainrot]

I am going to talk about some of my thoughts about why I believe N's behavior changed as the PR tour progressed. I am also going to talk about my thoughts on if L&N ever got "jiggy with it" 😂 I'll try to get to my thoughts on Toronto and Ireland tomorrow.

Before I start though, I want to mention that I am trying to come to my theories/opinions based off of things I have been able to observe, and verified information online. Obviously though, I don't actually know any of these people irl, so I am never going to understand the full story of what is going on between L/N. All of this is just my thoughts and theories on what is going on based on what has been put out to the public. There has been a lot of speculation online about everything, but I am going to try and not give that information too much weight when coming to my conclusions here. I am interested in hearing everyone's thoughts/opinions though, since this story has a lot of moving parts. Just wanted to put this disclaimer out before moving forward with more of my thoughts/theories.

Alright, on to the main course (this is going to be a LONG post btw)...

N on the PR Tour

I want to start off with the following that we know to be fact about N:

She is INCREDIBLY private about her personal life, especially her dating/romantic life (the same isn't/hasn't really been true about L). In fact, I don't believe N has ever publicly come out as being in a relationship with anyone since she entered the entertainment industry/been in the public eye (although I can't 100% confirm this, so please let me know if there are any articles/or something on her SM where she has publicly confirmed she was in a relationship at some point)

She is VERY online, and very careful about controlling her public narrative

She is a naturally touchy and affectionate person with people, but she seems to hold her true feelings a lot closer to her heart, and it seems to me, that she is kind of "on" in public (which is actually an important skillset to have as someone in the entertainment industry because you really need to know how to stay in control of your public narrative--your fans are your livelihood)

She LOVES photography/taking photos (it is one of her love languages I believe)

Now as I mentioned, L was always a lot more of an open book on the PR tour about his feelings for N (refer to my post here). N seemed to be a lot more reserved/gaurded during the tour when it first started in January, but everything shifted in like April when the world tour started. Below are my thoughts:

N started to become a LOT more obvious through her nonverbal cues about her genuine feelings for L as the tour unfolded. I will say that I believe PART of it probably had to do with getting a little "lost in the sauce" with the energy of the tour. However, I think the larger factor was that L & N were pushed together for many months (in close quarters), and were therefore forced to have conversations about their feelings for each other that I think they had been tiptoeing around for quite a while. From what we then saw from like the middle of Italy (I'm an Italy truther), there was more of a confidence, security, and contentment in how they interacted with each other that signaled to me feelings were shared and reciprocated.

Like I mentioned, she is a PR queen and very, very private about this part of her life. Therefore, why would she decide to be so obvious about her feelings on such a public stage when she knows people analyze everything? Well... I believe this is her way of publicly acknowledging their romantic feelings for each other without ACTUALLY publicly acknowledging anything more than "work besties" is going on with them. Which totally makes sense when you think about it because 1) The fandom would LOSE IT rn 2) That would put a LOT of public pressure on them, and I think these feelings they have shared with each other are very new (but had been brewing for a long time), and I don't think they are confident enough to go public. There is also, of course, the A of the whole situation, which L needs to figure out how he wants to move forward with that. TLDR, the situation is very messy, and I think there is a lot that L/N need to process in private regarding each other out of the public eye. I am pretty confident though that this tour put them in a situation to confront, clarify, and establish what their romantic feelings are for each other outside of the show (and they were reciprocated), and they are taking the space right now to explore that privately.    

Lastly, because I really like analyzing photos and N loves taking pictures, let's talk about those "boyfriend pics" of L she posted since the world tour started. Yes, she was promoting the show, but a lot of those pictures (especially recently) have a very specific vibe. She wants the world to see him the way she sees him. She loves that man, clear and simple. He shines around her, and she knows that. I think it’s also especially telling that she posted the most recent boyfriend pic of her last day of filming (which was the most obvious one in my opinion) now that A is publicly connected to L. It was a statement in my opinion, that regardless of all the drama unfolding, her and L have a really deep and meaningful connection that is special to her. I think it also served as a message that we don’t know the full story, which I think is a positive thing for us Lukola fans. Now I can’t predict the future with these two, but I am fairly certain we wouldn’t have been seeing the type of behavior we saw from them on the PR tour, and the types of photos she has been posting of him lately, if they weren’t confident in moving forward with their romantic relationship in the near future (especially since A has been in the picture for quite some time). I think these pics serve as another crumb that they are a little more than just work besties.

One last note, I think the reason our PR queen started slipping up and changing her answers to certain questions on the tour is because SHE WAS REALLY HAPPY WITH HIM. This can be a whole separate post at some point if people are interested, but I am almost certain from everything I have observed regarding N, that she is quite jaded when it comes to finding a romantic partner, and has been hurt in romantic relationships in the past.  I feel like L is the more sweet, hopeless romantic between the two. I think he allowed her to heal some of her relationship wounds. I think there is something about L and the experiences they’ve shared together that has reignited something within N to make her feel more hopeful about having a deep romantic connection while she can still be very independent and successful in her field. And I think it specifically has something to do with who L is when he is with her and how he treats her. I get the impression he has really altered the way she sees certain things related to romantic relationships. My whole point is that I think they both know what they have, and they know that if they can get on the same page, this relationship would get serious pretty quickly. Therefore, even though N is really private with this part of her life, for L, I think she would publicly acknowledge their relationship, but only when/if they are able to get to a point where they feel confident enough that their relationship would be able to withstand the pressures from the public. They just aren't there currently because of all the other confounding factors, but I don't think that necessarily signals where they will be in like 6 to 8 months imo...

Have L/N ever gotten freaky deaky irl?

From before the PR tour, I just don't have enough information to confidently say yes or no. A lot of people have different opinions on this, and some people think they casually dated near the end of filming season 3/sometime last year (but we don't have any proof of that). This is what I will say:

N still follows J (and vice versa I believe, please lmk if I'm wrong?), so I don't think there is any bad blood there. This makes me pretty certain that L/N never acted on any physical feelings for each other until after that relationship was completely over. I do think though that L/N have had a spark for a while (and tbh, I think L has kind of had a thing for N since they met, and his feelings for her have always been stronger). Therefore, this likely played a part in him emotionally distancing from his relationship with J when season 3 started filming, but at the end of the day, we will never know the specicifics of why they decided to part ways. My guess is that there were a lot of reasons that relationship did not end up working out considering how serious that relationship was.

Considering how WILD L/N's sexual chemistry is, it wouldn't surprise me if they hooked up at some point before the PR tour. But considering L was on Raya by February/March 2023 (from my understanding?), and the fact that N was SUPER busy last year and traveling a bunch, I just don't think there was any time for them to have anything more than something super casual/no commitment (if anything). Even if they did maybe hook up some, I don't think they really directly addressed the depth of their feelings for each other, which is why we saw all that behavior between them on the tour, because I don't think any clear boundaries had been put up and their feelings came flooding back.

Now I feel a lot more confident that somethingggg intimate happened at least once between them on the PR tour. Here are my theories:

I don't think things were great between them at the beginning of the tour (like January) because feelings I think started popping up again for these two during the reshoots in December 2023, and then the NYE kiss comes out, and N and L are feeling disconnected and aren't really on the same page about the tour.

I think they had some conversations in private, because by the VDay event, they seemed a lot more on the same page (and L was giving N those total heart eyes). The extra layer is that (I believe?) A accompanied L to the city the event was in (I think NYC?), but even though A was staying with him, L was STILL looking at N like THAT during the event (which I think speaks VOLUMES).

I think though there were a lot of things they still weren't talking about, and everything came to a head when they got to Italy, which is why the vibes were off at first and it seemed like there was tension between them. This also occurred soon after the Instyle stunt, so I feel like N probably had some feelingssss about that.

I have recently been converted to an Italy truther, so I believe that Italy was where L/N finally addressed/readressed some of their feelings for each other, and N was trying to get some clarity on WTH was going on with A, and making sure it wasn't going to mess anything up with the tour. But I think they "kissed and made up" 😉 and got back on the same page. Which is why there was the shift in Italy, and why we saw what we saw for the rest of the tour.

Not sure exactly what happened of course, but I get the feeling something physical happened after they started having some BIG conversations about each other that they had needed to have for a long time (and I think they continued to have these conversations with each other as the tour progressed). Let's also remember that these are two very non-confrontational people, so I feel like there must have been a LOT of pent up feelings/emotions for them to publicly show that they weren't super happy with each other/beefing during the beginning of Italy.

I also definitely think they physically acted on their feelings in Brazil (like they just had the "glow" imo 😂). And the eff me eyes, c'mon. Like Brazil continually reminded me of that New Girl quote "The stench of filth and lust is all over this room." It just seemed pretty obvious to me 😂 Especially considering the events that transpired right after that with A, and between L/N for the rest of the tour.

Lastly, I know a lot of people believe that L/N didn't physically act on their feelings because the tension would go away. However, I actually think it's a good sign that tension is still there, because I think it shows that there is a pretty deep connection between these two, and they are still feeling that pull/sexual energy after having sex. They kind of remind me of like two friends in a friend group who just admitted their true feelings for each other but aren't ready to go public, but are also having crazy good sex, so they are super obvious and can't really hide it when they are together LOL Regardless if they had ever physically acted on their feelings before the tour, I think these experiences (IF they did indeed occur), helped L/N get clarity if their strong feelings and attraction for each other went past the show and their characters. And I personally think they got that clarity 😉

Wowww okay that turned into an essay LOL, but I think the TLDR is that the situation seems very complicated right now, and I think there is a lot that L/N are needing to figure out in private. But I don't think that negates or invalidates what we saw between them on the PR tour, or that they were "faking" their feelings. Human beings are messy and imperfect, and that is okay. I think the part that still really confuses me is the whole A of the situation, because I just can't wrap my head around it. I would love to hear other people's opinions though on how she factors into all this, so if you have theories/questions you would like to add to that discussion, drop them in my asks. Because I have thoughtssss 😂

[maxwellatoms]

I bought a Gartenmeister Fuchsia plant for my birthday back in January. It was a centerpiece all winter long, but recently it started looking a bit sickly. I'm not a "green" gerdener anymore (haha), but I am also by no means a master. I think it was infected with powdery mildew, but I also convinced myself it was spider mites. I try to keep things all -natural out there, so I dried it out and sprayed it with some neem oil after pruning it back a bit. I really should've pruned off all of the infected bits, but I didn't want to lose the flowers.

I did that a few more times, unable to commit to a hard prune because I kept telling myself "I don't know what I'm doing, so maybe it's not sick. Maybe it'll fix itself. Sure would be nice to have those flowers back." I finally gave up and cut it to the bone yesterday, but yesterday was too late. I had to remove every single leaf because I dithered for too long. It's probably not going to make it.

I feel the same way about our culture. US culture. Western culture (though its really a global problem). The Entertainment Industry. The Media. It's sick. We probably need some rather serious surgery to fix the problem, but we just will not see a doctor. To see a doctor would be to admit there's a problem, and for some that is the greatest sin of the 21st Century. Maybe some of us are just hoping the system will recover on its own so we can have our pretty flowers back.

For me, it was around 2010 or so when I first started to smell something "off". The symptoms had certainly been around a while. This was just when I noticed. This was when I got my first, "Hey, let's not make fun of corporations" note. It's when The History Channel stopped airing stuff about history in favor of aliens because that's where the money was. And rather than rebranding, they just left it as "History", encouraging future generations to believe whatever they felt like. This was also about when traditional news outlets started skewing to clickbait in order to compete with sites that were clearly 100% not legitimate news sites. Again, as long as the money is right it's "just entertainment" and you' can're welcome to believe it if it means you'll watch more.

I'm all-in on Dead Internet Theory now. The disparity between what major news media outlets will report and what you see from actual people on Tumblr or Threads or Reddit is pretty shocking. And those sites are already compromised by bots and bad actors. The tools exist now to actively bamboozle millions of people, and I have no doubt we're already seeing some of this now. In six months or a year you'll find out it (whatever it was) never happened or was generated by an LLM. The time to stop listening to anyone online was a year ago.

Trust no one.

Not even me!

It's cultural rot. It's spreading faster and faster, and I'm not sure what happens when we get to the end of this ride. Actually, I AM sure what happens. If we don't prune back hard now, then the rot takes over. Best-case, you clip the infected branches off too late and it takes years to recover. Worst case? Nature soldiers on but the plant succumbs to infection and dies completely, replaced (eventually) by something that can actually hack it in that spot.

When humans produce art and information, and then comment on that art and information by producing more art and information, we call it "culture". We're moving toward a time when the vast majority of art and ideas we get out eyes on won't be created by humans. Or at the very least won't be created with the purpose of commenting on or enriching the organic human experience. When that happens, what will we call it? What will remain of our culture?

[efangamez]

Introducing: The EfanGamez Trans Mutual Aid Bundle!

TAP OR CLICK HERE TO SNAG YOUR TTRPGS!!!!

Hey y'all! I am a trans feminine nonbinary gamedev looking to start HRT in the coming months, and costs will be high for being uninsured AND starting new medication to help with my illnesses, so I need your help!

By reaching this goal and beyond, you can guarantee nearly an entire year's worth of HRT treatment. Anything beyond the amount would be used for housing, food, and clothing, all of which I would love to have help with. It's also my birthday this coming month, which is also an incentive, I guess!

Physical illnesses and mental illnesses have made it difficult to create this past year, and I am hoping with this big change to my life I can finally start living as my authentic self!

It's because of you beautiful people I'm still around today, so I ask you again to spread some love to Trans people and be a good ally / comrade today!

Here are some goals that I have if we reach certain goals!

$100 Goal: This will help some start up costs, including first doctor appointment and possibly first prescription.

- Reward: I'll host a game jam titled "Best of 2024" in January of next year where people can submit their best products made this year and can celebrate their achievements!

$400 Goal: This will help with going a bit beyond startup costs and can help start routine blood work tests!

- Reward: Previous rewards, and a free One-Page Wizard-Themed game will release about two months after this sale is done!

$1,000 Goal: This will really get us started on our journey, and can help us stockpile meds if necessary.

- Reward: Previous rewards, and I will release a sneak-peak of a secret cyberpunk project I have been working on for a while, and will release a BW, non-illustrated Alpha version in the next coming months!

$2,500 Goal: This amount will assist me in getting therapy alongside my meds so I can have as much assistance as I can on this journey.

- Reward: Previous rewards, and will release a setting pack for Disk Masters, my Pokemon-inspired TTRPG, that expands upon the world!

$5,000 Goal: This goal would help me thrive, assisting me with gender affirming clothers, therapy, a gym membership / personal trainer, and more!

- Reward: Previous Rewards, and will have enough money, therapy, and otherwise to make my life a better life worth living, and as long as physical illnesses don't wipe me out, should really ramp up production on the many projects I have in store!

Thank you so much for your consideration, and I hope that you can snag some games to help a Trans person out thus holiday season!

SNAG YOUR TTRPGS HERE!

PLEASE REBLOG!!!!

[gdbatbitch]

TL;DR Please, please. I’m at the absolute end of my rope and can use all the help I can get. Also, just putting out there for those that prefer alternates: my PayPal is dextra.hoffman@gmail.com, Venmo is @Dextra-Hoffman, and CashApp is $DextraDawn. Thanks y’all.

I wish I had the spoons to talk about how horrible I have been feeling the last few weeks in real time. Especially the last 3 weeks. You don’t realize how much one little gland will mess up your entire existence until it’s defective or gone. I’ve been without my thyroid for 10 months now. And I’m still suffering the repercussions of it. 

My biggest issue is my TSH levels. I’ve had to have dosage adjustments twice since January, and each time it results in weeks of adjustment time, and a good portion of that, I’ve been completely laid out because of being unable to function. The symptoms can vary, but generally involve massive fatigue, nausea, hot flashes and cold spells/sweats that I’m not able to control and barely able to combat, dehydration, weakness, and just having that feeling you get with a high fever and a flu where you feel half in and half out of reality and not sure if you’re actually alive or you’re a ghost. 

Also because these hormones think they’re that special, they also affect my mental health by spiking my adrenaline levels and triggering my anxiety. My anxiety alone can shut me down for days. It’s been well documented. So the physical symptoms would trigger my anxiety. I have a really high pain tolerance, but sickness not so much. And I have never felt sicker in my life than I have in the last month. So not only was I feeling like I was dying, I was terrified the entire time.

I’ve not gone into great detail about it openly because it was so scary, and I know when I’m in panic mode I can’t really trust my own mind to determine the seriousness of a situation. So I kept it quiet, at least quiet for me. 

Of course, all of this has completely destroyed my plans of getting back to work and out of this poverty rut I’ve been in for months. I had a job lined up, but the start date was right in the middle of my being incapacitated. I tried to work with the company to push back my start date, but that didn’t happen. I’m in the midst of interviewing for a job that would be absolutely perfect, but I’m still waiting for next steps on their part. Aside from those, as anyone currently seeking a job will tell you, it’s abysmal out there. I’ve applied for over a hundred jobs in the last 4 months and I’ve barely gotten any responses. 

I’ve been asked if I’m going to be doing art commissions, and if I were more capable, sure. I’d be silly not to try. But I’ve not been anything close to capable for weeks. I’ve only been back to 100% for a few days now, and even that has been sketchy. So I’m putting a pin in that for now, at least until I can knock out a sketch or two to knock the rust off. 

I was hoping to be done with fundraising, it’s so nerve-racking. But right now, my survival is in peril. I just submitted a request for what will be my last unemployment payout. It wasn’t much, but it was barely keeping me afloat. After that, I’m kinda screwed unless I can figure something out. 

I still haven’t made rent for August, my car payment is late, I’ve got bills up to my ears and I’m just worried that I’m not going to have those things very very soon if I can’t keep up. If I can at least hit the goal on the fundraiser, that can keep me going until I can get back to work (fingers crossed). 

I’ve been struggling with asking for help for a while now because I feel like I’ve been holding my hat out for far too long, but I don’t really have a choice anymore. I’ve also been struggling with a lot of internalized ableism as well because I know I’m disabled and shouldn’t push myself as hard as I do. But that’s a rant for another time.

Please, please. I’m at the absolute end of my rope and can use all the help I can get. Also, just putting out there for those that prefer alternates: my PayPal is dextra.hoffman@gmail.com, Venmo is @Dextra-Hoffman, and CashApp is $DextraDawn. Thanks y’all.

[t4t4t]

Hi !

I got bottom surgery on July 25th ! :3

I'm recovering really well ! I've been told I can walk around more but still can't bike/swim and strenuous things of that nature. I'm unsure when I can work again, or even what to do with my experience and wanting to be covid safe.... receptionist ? Idk. I'd work in a nursery but I doubt they'd hire me. I'd like to find something before my FFS on January 28th that would be sympathetic to my taking off some time for that, but I'm not sure how possible that is.

Collie and I will need rent help for October/food/gas/utilities/lube/pads/etc. We're broke rn after paying September rent/food/gas, after food stamps ran out... I got my stamps again by now but yeah, had to reapply for hers and she hasn't gotten it again yet... but yeah no money for transportation costs for appointments this week rn...

Collie withheld 300 that ended up as "hers" somehow in her mind for a week this past week because she kept on threatening to prefer being homeless and taking it, and like, the roommates were concerned we weren't going to pay rent because I wasn't saying anything because I didn't know what to say. She caved when it was expressed the roommates didn't have money to pay what was left.

I have no idea if we'll find a new place before her bottom surgery in November (she's been given the date of 11/13) but she's threatening still preferring homelessness to being here. She's saying she can't recover here because she doesn't feel safe because of an antagonistic roommate and I'm not sure how to respond to that.

We shouldn't be homeless... I'm not sure why she would prefer it. I'm not even sure she wants to be with me... we have to get rid of the broken van that gives her athsma attacks more than we need to leave because of a roommate that makes us both uncomfortable... I hope her mom helps with that soon but we haven't been given much explicit information how or when about that. We should try to sell the van but she threatens to pack up and leave almost every day...

We got rent in the nick of time last time (we had 622 before Sep 1 but yeah she did hold onto part of it for a week...), I think it's probably not impossible we get 6-900 again this month but I'm not sure I can expect donations enough for us to move like because of a deposit or smth...

It would be ideal if we could get help enough to feel comfortable enough to leave and that we find somewhere who's sympathetic to us not having a "proof of income" like where we are now is, and maybe they wouldn't have a deposit, but we'll see... OHP "Flex Fund" may respond for either of us but may not.

I also need 100 to pay for 6 months of the PO box we've had for the past 4 years of struggling to find housing and mostly being homeless.

Anything helps !

Thank you everyone so much, y'all have saved our lives. <3

0/922

https://www.paypal.me/NoraEstherRose

https://venmo.com/u/nora-esther-rose

https://www.paypal.me/androgynophore

https://venmo.com/u/Leah-Esther-Rose

[wrongcaitlyn]

hey guys! so. i really really really hate to do this, but i've been thinking it over for the past few weeks and i've decided that i'm going to take a short hiatus from tyt. and by SHORT i mean that i will 100% no doubt be returning to this on the first sunday of january (jan 5), and will only be taking november and december off!!

reasons for this are quite a lot, both for the benefit of the dear reader verse and my personal life! just to briefly summarize:

college app's. i really need to prioritize these, and though i'll definitely be finished by early november, it will be taking up a lot of my time

arcane. this seems like a silly reason, but i'm an editor as well as a fic writer, and i just know that the arcane s2 release will consume my brain. i want to allow myself to fully enjoy the season release and not stress about also writing a fic so that i can edit to my heart's content :)

both of those are happening in november, but in december i will be having finals and will leave for a trip for two weeks!! as we all know (*cough* my summer vacation) i am not the best at balancing both writing and vacation, and again, i don't want to stress myself out too much on what is meant to be a vacation

other fics! i still have two unfinished fics, and i'd like to finally get those done instead of having them lingering over my head for another five months lmao

but the main reason is for the overall quality of dear reader and its upcoming one-shots!!! a whole lot of stuff is about to go down in the upcoming chapters, including several one-shots that detail other parts of the universe. according to my outline, in the next five chapters of tgol, i will also be posting 4-5 one-shots in the dear reader series (yes, two of those include the pollen lore!). i want to be able to do those stories justice, and the one-shots do tend to take a longer time to write than the tgol chapters just because i'm usually writing from new pov's and outlining a whole lot of extra plot (especially in those pollen one-shots - they're going into a completely different time period and i want to be able to confidently say i've put enough time and effort into them to be proud of them! i've been hyping the pollen lore up for quite a while now and i want to do them justice!!)

so yes. that's quite a lengthy explanation lmao but i'm justifying it to myself as well because of how much i adore tgol and don't ever want to accidentally abandon it <3 rest assured that i will be using the two months to hopefully get ahead of my outline and ensure a concrete posting schedule when i return! but for now, i will obvi still be active on here (as well as insta and tiktok, if you guys are interested in arcane content) to answer asks and ramble about tyt!!!

[styrofauxm]

2025 Book Bingo Plans

I've started planning out some of what I'm going to read for @batmanisagatewaydrug's 2025 book bingo (read more here), and to get myself hyped, I'm sharing the books I've set in stone, as well as recording some ideas I have for the other spaces!

I've been looking forward to Sunrise on the Reaping by Suzanne Collins for a while now, I'm interested to see if it will live up to the philosophical examination it sets itself up as.

I got the illustrated copy of Eragon by Christopher Paolini/Sidharth Chaturvedi for Christmas, so that's kind of a no-brainer for the re-read.

Heavenly Tyrant by Xiran Jay Zhao I'm also getting for Christmas, but it's the pretty Illumicrate version, so it's not getting here until January or February. I took a gamble with Iron Widow and got the hardcover, and I was not disappointed (I've read it 3 times and am going to reread it once I get HT, and will certainly reread both in the future), so I expect the fancy one will be money well spent (by my aunt but still).

I am just assuming that My Friends by Fredrik Backman is going to be set in Sweden, because all of Backman's other novels are set there. Hopefully I don't need to find a new book for the category lol. If I do this one will probably fit Literary Fiction anyway.

I've been working my way through my reread of the Hitchiker's Guide trilogy by Douglas Adams, and think I can finish the 3rd in the next few days, so I'm all set up for the 4th going into 2025 :)

I stopped reading Desert Solitaire by Edward Abbey when school got really rough last year and have wanted to go back to it for a while. It was recommended to me by my dad, and one of his favorite books. In the 100-ish pages I've read, I've found it to be amazing as well.

Things My Son Needs to Know About the World by Fredrik Backman was going to be my memoir choice until I realized it was actually essays.

I saw Death In Rocky Mountain National Park: Accidents and Foolhardiness on the Continental Divide by Randi Minetor while just wandering Barnes and Noble and was sure I had to read it when the title made it clear it wasn't going to blame animals for the actions of humans.

I've wanted to read Last Chance to See by Douglas Adams and Mark Carwardine for a long time, but the concept alone has always made it a little too sad to convince myself to pick up. This year will be its year though.

I promised my roommate that I would read The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson last year so that we could watch the show for Halloween. I'm following through this year instead.....

My reasoning for Thud! by Terry Pratchett is simple. I like Discworld, I like Ankh Morpork, I like the Watch novels, I like Sam Vimes.

Below the cut are some of my ideas for the sections I haven't filled yet (anyone should feel free to send me as many recommendations for these as you want):

Literary Fiction:

All The Names by José Saramago (recommended by my dad)

The Summer Book by Tove Jansson (recommended by my roommate)

Short Story Collection:

And Every Morning The Way Home Gets Longer and Longer, The Answer is No, and The Deal of a Lifetime by Fredrik Backman (this is not technically a collection, but it is a group of short stories that I really want to read)

20th Century Speculative Fiction:

The Martian by Andy Weir (I just want to read it)

Published Before 1950:

TBD Agatha Christie novel (I stole my dad's books acquired a lot of these and want to read some)

Indie Publisher:

Something from this list

Graphic Novel, Comic Book, or Manga:

Nothing Special by Katie Cook (I read this on Webtoon as it's been coming out, it has some of the best panel transitions on the platform, and I really want to see how she translated that to book form. Also I want to own the books bc I love the story and refuse to pay Webtoon money for it)

Animal On the Cover:

A Lady's Life in the Rocky Mountains by Isabella Bird (I was looking at the "local" shelf (not at this book in particular though) in Barnes and Noble, and a woman (not an employee) came up to me to tell me this is one of her favorite books ever and now I must read it)

The Girl in Red by Christina Henry (I help run a blog here cataloguing books with little to no romance and/or sex in them for people who are sex/romance repulsed, and someone submitted this. I also read a book years ago that I loved, but I didn't have Goodreads even at that point, and all I really remembered was the cover and opening. I've been looking for a while, and I think this very well could be it)

City of Nightmares by Rebecca Schaeffer (I loved her Market of Monster's trilogy and the Webtoon adaptation, and have been meaning to read this for ages)

Descendent of the Crane by Joan He (recommended by my other roommate, plus I liked her book The Ones We're Meant to Find)

Going Postal by Terry Pratchett (re: the reasons for Thud!)

2025 Debut Author:

Honestly, no clue here. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it

Read a Zine and Make a Zine:

Scarland fanzine by a whole bunch of people (I've read it before but it's really quite amazing and I would read it again happily)

2024 Award Winner:

Something on this list

Romance Novel:

Just Last Night by Mhairi McFarlane (recommended by a friend whose judgement in books I really trust)

Read and Make a Recipe:

We will see what strikes my fancy this year

Historical Fiction:

Fever 1973 by Laurie Halse Anderson (this one has been on my TBR since 2015)

The Island of the Sea Women by Lisa See (this was a birthday present in 2019)

Babel by R.F. Kuang (the premise is cool, and it says it's a response to The Secret History and I loved that book)

Bookseller or Librarian Rec:

Because of Mr. Terupt by Rob Buyea (in 5th grade, we did a unit where the class was split into 3rds and we each analyzed 1 book. The kids who read this book loved it. I really wanted to read it then, but never did. Then in 8th grade a librarian recommended it to me, bringing it back to my memory, but I still didn't read it. It lives on my TBR because I feel like I need to read it for 10/13 year old me)

[starmocha]

Part 2 of me yapping about bird men is coming, it's in my drafts, but uhhhhh.....I also want to yap about the other two men in my heart (aka I clearly have a type and it's "I'm just a soft baby that wants to be taken care of instead for once in her goddamned life and these men are more than ready to take on that task") 👉👈

[if anyone wants to read part 1 of me yapping about Gavin and Sylus, here ya go]

Victor (Mr. Love Queen's Choice), aka Daddy

CEO of a large investment and financial company (Loveland Financial Group (LFG))

Birthday: January 13 (Capricorn)

183 cm

Evol: Time control

Flower motifs are red roses (love, passion, beauty; burgundy roses can also mean commitment)

Animal motifs are panda bears. During his childhood, for his birthday, his father even adopted a panda at a zoo in his name

Associated with winter because he was born in the winter lol

Tall, dark, and snarky af

Perceived as cold, stoic, serious...but he is a softie with you

Highly respected in his field

Grinded through school so he could begin his career early

Workaholic

Childhood friend of MC...but it's complicated...

Gourmet chef. Man even opened a secret restaurant he sometimes cook at whenever he fancies (key note: the restaurant is only opened whenever he's in the mood...and it's insanely popular too).

Will cook anything MC craves, and even knows ahead of time, so he has everything prepared in advance.

Calls you Dummy (affectionate). Sometimes adds in a "moron" or "fool" to shake things up a little bit ig 😀

Scolds MC a lot, but he loves taking care of her, too.

When he loves, he loves deeply 😩🫶

Believes in you, will guide you when you need his assistance or advice, but overall, he wants you to believe in yourself and trust your own judgment

Zayne (Love and Deepspace), aka Zaddy

Chief cardiac surgeon

Birthday: September 5 (Virgo)

186 cm

Evol: Ice

Flower motifs are jasmine (love, sensuality, beauty)

Not explicitly official, but Zayne is sometimes associated with seals due to a childhood incident with MC.

Associated with winter because of his Evol

Tall, dark, and snarky af

Perceived as cold and serious, but is a total softie with you

Highly respected in his field

Grinded through school to begin his career early

Workaholic

Childhood friend of MC....and I guess it was also lowkey complicated, too

Average home cook, but we love to see that 🫶

Tries to learn recipes MC shows interests in. Does his best to perfect the recipe so he can cook for her.

Doesn't really have a pet name for you (yet), but I make him call me Darling and it heals me immensely 💕

Chides MC frequently, but it's also because he loves taking care of her and looks out for her.

He will be vulnerable for you, he will tell you how much he loves you, what it does to him, how you are healing for him. He loves holding hands, the feel of your hand in his. Pls caress his face, let him feel you, it's all he wants, all he needs. ZAYNE'S VULNERABILITY IS HIS SEXIEST QUALITY I'LL DIE ON THIS FUCKING HILL i just love zayne so fucking much pls love him too ok is this also me realizing zayne is touch-starved like me asklsa;;;sk

Believes in you, but worries about you, too, even if he knows you are capable. He can't help it. He just wants you to be healthy and safe, and not having that 100% certainty kills him inside. 🥺

THEY LOVE CATS. BIG SOFTIES. Victor is also a cat dad to one named Pudding and it's adorable af. If Zayne's career isn't so demanding, I would also say give this man a cat, too, but we know he wouldn't want to take on responsibilities he couldn't give his 100% to. 🥺

This brand of spicy is top-notch. Absolute elite shit 🤌 god me and who fucking when???

Head empty. Just long-haired Victor and Zayne to heal my tired soul 😩🫶

I like them for their personalities. 10/10 would recommend. 😀

[hockybish]

Is It Mine?

West Winds au I dad!Trevor x Reader I masterlist

Early March 2020

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Trevor practically barged into her dorm room once she opened the door.

No, hi, how are you?" She rolled her eyes, returning to the spot on the couch she had been occupying only moments earlier.

"Nope." He popped the p in the word, plopping down beside one of his best friends. "Now answer me. Why are you avoiding me?"

"I haven't. Don't be silly, Z." Looking at her hands, she contemplates how to go about her next moves.

Does she tell him the truth, or do you hold off a little longer? How does she tell her person that the drunken night they had together a couple of months ago was going to change their lives forever?

"That's bullshit, Bean." The hockey player exclaimed, not believing what he was hearing for one second.

Bean was one of his best friends. Trevor knew her so well he could see she was obviously lying to him and that something more was going on. His stubbornness was getting the best of him, and he was going to get to the bottom of it. He missed her.

"You've been canceling plans; you don't sit by me in class anymore; you've left me on read more times than I can count; and I had to learn from Em-j that you left the country last weekend. What is going on, Bean?"

"I've just been really tired from school and work. It's just a lot. You know how busy it can get."

"You can tell me anything. I won't judge. You know that. Please." He pleaded with her. He wasn't going to let it go until Y/N told him.

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant. I found out a few weeks ago, and last week I went to Vancouver, and I think I'm gonna keep it." She broke down in his arms. "And I'm scared, Trevor. I'm scared."

"Hey. It's going to be okay, Bean." Trevor reassured her the best he could. Which was as comforting as he thought he was being, considering there was still part of the situation he didn't know about.

"Who's the father? Because if he isn't going to be there for you, I'll kill him. I swear, Bean, I will." After what felt like an eternity, Trevor asked the most important question.

"It's not worth it, Z. It was only one time, and the father doesn't really know it's him. Plus, I don't really expect anything from him. He's got things going for him, and I don't want to get in the way of that." Y/N wiped the few tears that still fell from her eyes.

Trevor listened to Y/N's words carefully. He did some quick math, remembering that night in early January. He was almost 100 percent sure they were careful and took proper precautions to prevent this outcome from happening. But then again.

"Is it mine?" His heartbeat quickened when he came to the realization that y/n never mentioned sleeping with anyone else. Not that she would, because that's not stuff they talk about on a regular basis.

Um, I think I should leave." He hurried out the door. Her hesitance was enough of an answer for him, and there were a few things he needed to think about.

Please feel free to send in thoughts, comments, questions, and ideas!