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diariesofabuggygirl · 7 years ago

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Being Disabled is an Emotional Rollercoaster

Can we get real for a bit? Can we talk about all of the stops on the emotional journey that is being disabled? And how they loop around and around and a round?

Let’s talk first about what has triggered this long post:

What about the people who are sick and are suffering, but go out of their way to make it seem like they’re as sick (or have been for as long) as you when they actually aren’t?

Look. If you’re not, or have never been, as sick as I am/have been that’s a good thing. That’s not something I think badly of people for - I hope that’s obvious.

Also if you’re sicker than I am or have been sick longer I’m not gonna be weirdly jealous.

What I do have a problem with though is people who work to equate their suffering with yours when in fact it’s not the case. People who do so not in a supportive ‘I get it’ way but people who basically want attention.

If you’re sick I’m gonna give you the attention, support, and accommodations that you need and deserve. I guess not everyone is like that but when you’re in a group of or talking to another chronically ill/disabled person who’s dealt with all the things that we deal with (especially those of us with invisible illnesses and disabilities) you do NOT need to exaggerate.

That leads to some real bull shit.

I thought a girl was as sick as I was. In hindsight it was because she wanted me to think that. She went out of her way to make it so. It wasn’t that she tried to dramatize it to the correct level of how normal people would respond to a situation, by which I mean it wasn’t that she was desensitized to the crap she was dealing with and over corrected when trying to paint an accurate picture. It ended up being that she was unable to not be the center of attention. I keep having to learn that just because someone has been or is going through something awful, that doesn’t mean they are nice people.

If someone is sicker than you, you don’t need to one-up them. Just like if someone is worse off financially than you, or with any other hardship. You just don’t have to do it. In fact it should be avoided. Here’s why.

I was using this girl as a measuring stick. She started to work some (probably too quickly based on her health because she started also having financial issues). I thought ‘Gosh. Should I be pushing myself harder?!’ I didn’t think that there was any way that even if I was in as desperate a situation as her that I could be doing what she was doing - at least with the stamina that she was. I thought that maybe she was just stronger than I was.

That was a mistake. What I should have done was instead of going to a self blaming place do one of two things:

1. Realize that since I wasn’t as desperate maybe I didn’t have the adrenaline and such that she did. (I did somewhat realize this)

2. Allow myself to believe that, no really I couldn’t do that, but not because I wasn’t strong or because I lacked will power, but instead because I WAS SICKER.

Listen. There are a lot of variables in our lives, even among people with illnesses/disabilities and even those of us with the “same” illnesses/disabilities. One of the hardest things for us to shake in life is comparing ourselves to one another. But I truly believe that it is one of the most necessary things that those of us with chronic illnesses/disabilities (particularly invisible ones) have to do.

We are the last people who need to be hard on ourselves. We are the last people who need to put that sort of pressure on ourselves, or hold ourselves to such a high standard. Standards that are often unreasonable for able-bodied people.

As someone who has always had some illnesses (though I didn’t know it for a long time) but hasn’t always been disabled, this has been a journey. It took years after I became bedridden for me to even realize that I was disabled and that it was ok to use that term. Thinking that I would soon be better (it’s been ten years, never thought that it would be this long) it took years more to believe that I could use things created for disabled people. In part because I always thought I’d get better “soon” but in part because I thought I’d get better period, and not everyone would.

If you need a cane/wheelchair/whatever use one. If you don’t “need” (a word I have a complicated relationship with) it but it would still help or even might help, try it. If you need a handicap seat more than your average member of the public - you’re who they’re made for. If you need to ask to sit to the side of the merch line at a concert until you’ve waited an equal amount of time as others because you can’t/shouldn’t stand up that long - do it.

I myself have a hard time practicing what I preach with this. I often don’t do this. But damn it I always regret it. Ten years ago I never thought I’d still be sick now. Wouldn’t have dreamed it. But I look back and see all the times these things would have come in handy. For me this is complicated by the fact that I have a not-so-chronic chronic illness (on top of other truly chronic ones) that I will one day get better from. I always thought - or hoped- that I was right at the edge of getting “well” - or as close to it as I’ll get. I though it would be silly to buy a cane or a self pushing wheel chair to just use for a couple of months. Flash forward and it’s been ten years.

DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO ABLE BODIED OR OTHER DISABLED PEOPLE

Just as others can’t tell what’s going on within you, you can’t tell what’s going on within others. Especially if your ideas of a healthy amount of pushing yourself have been skewed. For me they were skewed by the first eleven years of my life when I thought I was healthy, and further skewed by years of having to push, far too hard, to my own detriment in order to do literally anything.

Take a shower? Recover for 24 hours.

Brush my hair? 30 mins of increased fatigue.

Go to the mall with friends? A week full of seizures.

Yes I sometimes went out with friends. From a health perspective I shouldn’t have, from a mental health of a fourteen year old perspective I had to.

The friends who (thankfully) stuck around (or more so entered my life) when I got sick didn’t see how when I went home I couldn’t even shower let alone make myself a sandwich or attempt to do school work. They didn’t know that the day I spent with them was my entire week’s worth of activity.

I look back to that time in my life and I don’t know how I did it. If you asked me to do all that now, even with me being so much healthier, I couldn’t. In fact I wouldn’t even try. I would sometimes go to a friends house for a sleepover, go to church with them the next day, then the mall for literally six hours, and then a sex ed class that night. I went home and was bedridden the entirety of the rest of the week. Other than going to the bathroom, meeting with my homebound teacher, and occasionally going to another room to sit: that was it.

I also hate how sometimes I think I’m not allowed to say that I was bedridden because most of the time I technically could walk.

But FFS I was bedridden enough to say that I was bedridden.

Same with being homebound now. I use homebound now because most nights I can make myself a grilled cheese. I sometimes do leave the house. I sometimes even leave for things other than health appointments. But when I do it’s usually after an appointment and I pay for it for the next few days. When I am lucky enough to get out just for the fun of it I often think “So can I not say I’m homebound now?”

I’m not attached to the label because I want pity or attention. Although I will be honest and say that since I’ve not been taken seriously by the vast majority of people, and since most people that I trusted dropped off the face of the Earth when I got sick, I do sometimes wish I got a little more pity. Because when you’ve hurt as much as I have, for as long as I have, and you’re this isolated. It’s nice to have someone recognize that you are one strong MOFO. Usually though only people who have been through similar things will do that. Which is why it’s even more important that we don’t exaggerate our own issues to each other.

It’s also important that we are aware of who we are talking to and what they’ve been through/are going through. You should absolutely not complain to someone who had to leave school entirely in the sixth grade (and still hasn’t been back, even though they’d have graduated college by now) about not being able to make it to school every day this week. It’s one thing to do that a couple of times in the heat of the moment, it’s another thing to lack enough empathy to do that constantly. In the same way that you wouldn’t have a right to complain to an amputee that you broke your arm. Or that your hairline is receeding to someone who’s lost their hair completely.

I’m attached to labels for a similar reason that I enjoy finding out more of my diagnosis's. I enjoy find out more diagnosis’s because well, I’ve already got the damn thing, so it’s better to have a name for it so I can try to figure out how to fix it. When I have a word to use - like ‘homebound’ or ‘bedridden’ or ‘disabled’ it helps me validate my experiences, my hardships. Not just to others but to myself.

Recently I was diagnosed with Tethered Cord. Now this is something that they usually find in children, but they are finding more and more in adults. It’s something that they should have probably checked me for when I was eighteen months old. But instead I got very sick. I got sick with late stage neuro lyme. I got sick with many other things too. But at the same time that my lyme got really bad and I “crashed” my TC did too, probably because I was going through puberty and growing taller. I was told by many doctors that I was faking before I got any diagnosis at all. One of the nastiest was a neurologist. Sometime I think I might right him a letter. Let him now just how bad he effed up, and how much easier my life would have been had I had my TC fixed then. I would have healed faster (because I was younger), I wouldn’t have had so much nerve damage, and most importantly I wouldn’t have suffered so much for so long. I still would have had my other illnesses but the things that we’d written off as my lyme that were actually TC would have been fixed ten years earlier.

Anyway. I had an inkling that something else was wrong with me, since I was about to hit the ten year mark of lyme treatment. I pushed for a neuro work up. I asked about chiari because I’d read that they had changed the diagnostic guidelines. I didn’t have chiari, but I did have CCI and TC which together cause something very similar. Getting checked thoroughly for chiari by an EDS knowledgable neuro surgeon though got us looking into TC. He said that I should get checked out for it. I got my lumbar MRI and got lucky that my tethering showed up clearly on the imaging. We discussed it but he said that since I just had ‘some minor nerve stuff in my feet and very rare incontinence’ that he wouldn’t do surgery. I was surprised. I explained that I knew that it often didn’t cause all the symptoms I was having but that if there was even a chance it could make me feel better with all that I had going on, that I wanted to do it. He said ‘what all do you have going on?’

It was then that I realized that in my effort to give him the most clear cut symptoms of TC that I have, I forgot to give him a good picture of what my life is actually like. As soon as I said that I have been mostly bedridden or homebound for ten years he said we’ll do the surgery. But my being mostly bedridden/homebound has been going on so long that I didn’t even mention it. I didn’t even mention it. I don’t mention a lot of things. I’m sure people who are friends with me on facebook think I never shut up about my illnesses. But if they really truly realized that this is my life -literally constantly- I bet they’d change their tune. They don’t realize that when they stopped asking how I was (most, very quickly I might add) that didn’t mean I got better. My symptoms don’t stop just because I don’t mention them. It’s rare for me to mention symptoms at all, even to those I live with unless they’re worse or new, so that we can track them. In the grand scheme of things I almost never mention this crap. Not anymore than I have to. I’m a real trooper. Sometimes I forget to let myself believe that. Most people will never truly understand this, and I think that’s probably a good thing. Because it takes going through this to get it. If any of the kids I went to school with woke up with my daily symptoms, even with me being so much better than I was, they’d call 911 and think that they were dying. They’d insist are morphine and narcotics. They couldn’t do it.

I’m not glad that I have tethered cord. I am glad however that I’ve figured it out, that I pushed for another work up, that I wrote off that mean neurologist from when I was eleven, that we didn’t listen to any of the other nasty doctors who didn’t believe me, that we got to good ones who listen, and that this surgery may really help. And although it hurt bad at the time (or rather when I was back with it enough to realize it had happened) I’m glad the people that let me down got out of my life. It’s allowed me to realize that no one else’s opinions really matter when it comes to this sort of thing, because no one else is in my body. I had my mom, a couple of new/better friends (shout out to Emma and Lana) and really, that’s all you need. You’re much better off with then than with people doubting your pain.

Getting a diagnosis that is such a clear cut “oh wow” sort of thing, something that I need literal spinal surgery for has been interesting. I am no sicker now that I have this diagnosis. But to have something that, although many doctors don’t realize how serious it can be, your average person would be in an odd way impressed by has been sort of healing. I like knowing that I’ve got an even scarier seeming something going on. Lyme isn’t taken seriously. Not by the vast majority of doctors, and not by the vast majority of the public. They don’t know all that it can do. They don’t know how common it is. They don’t know that it’s everywhere. They don’t know that it’s similar to syphilis. That it bores down into your muscle and bone. That it gets into literally every part of your body. That it causes your blood to get too thick. Your brain to swell. Your heart to not work correctly. Your immune system to basically shut down. But when I say that my spinal cord is tied to my spinal column, that it’s pulling on my brain, people are much more likely to have an appropriate and proportionate response. I’ve always been this sick though. I was born with all of these issues. Nothing changed other than me being lucky enough to figure out another big piece.

I hate that this helps me. I hate that I still give a rat’s ass about what others think. I don’t in the traditional sense, at least not most of the time. I’m now older, wiser, stronger, more self assured. I now know because of how many times that it’s happened that if a doctor doesn’t think I have something wrong with me, and I do think so, that the doctor is almost definitely wrong. I have now had the experience of a doctor telling me that I was fine even though I knew that my organs were literally falling out of my body. Go to a different doctor and sure enough not one not two but four organs were prolapsed. I knew that before it was confirmed though. I know that I’m sick and I suffer. But after years of very few people treating you with the amount of respect you deserve for getting through the piles and piles of shit I dredge through all day every day, you start to doubt. After years of doctors saying I was faking I started wondering if they were right. But that didn’t make them correct. That didn’t make it true. And it didn’t make their behavior acceptable. All this going on so long that I’ve lived equal parts of my life before and after I crashed, this becoming my ‘normal’ doesn’t not make me healthy. It doesn’t mean that I’m normal. It doesn’t mean that now it’s ok to judge myself based off of societies standards.

Yes I had to leave school in the sixth grade. Yes I had to leave homebound in the eleventh. No I still don’t have my GED. Or drive. Nor have I been on a date, or been kissed, or stayed overnight without another adult present.

Yeah. Cuz I’m disabled. And that sucks. But that’s ok. It’s dealing with the illnesses and disabilities that suck, not me.

#lyme #spoonie #diasability #disabled #abelism #mine #diary #tethered cord

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crimsonrevolt · 7 years ago

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Congratulations Lexi you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Natalie Dupont!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Natalie’s one of those characters that I’m particularly fond of, not because of an attachment from prior books, but because of the potential in her skeleton, and therefore it was wonderful to get an app that captured her complexities and explored them in depth! You did a marvelous job deciphering the tug-and-pull of light versus dark in her, and I got a great understanding of who she was as a character and what was drawing her towards each of them. I can’t wait to see you explore everything that you mentioned in your app, and to give you a family and a place where you can write her with abandon! Welcome!

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Hello I’m Lexi and I’m 27 from the EST timezone. I use the she/her pronouns. I’ve been writing for over ten years now and I still absolutely love it. I started out on a harry potter roleplay and went from there so I’d love to get back to my roots. I love Marvel anything, Doctor Who, Dusk Till Dawn (move and series) and I’m a avid music lover. I look at rp’s like family so I’m excited to possibly get to be apart of this one.

ACTIVITY

I’d say an eight. I work from home so I am on periodically through out the day and evenings. It’s hard to pin point the slow days but if I know I’ll be busy and unable to post longer than just that day I will be sure to send you all a message.

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

harry potter rp tag, and I found it months ago so I bookmarked it and have been poking around since. I’ve just got my schedule cleared up so I can join.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

Luna Lovegood hands down. She was so unafraid to be herself and she was the quirky one no one ever understood. I’ve always felt different and it helped to have a character that was simply her. She helped me accept different as being ok and she was confident in her own odd way which I loved. She’s just a very awesome character that I really felt connected with while reading the books and it was awesome to see her come to life on the screen.

ANYTHING ELSE?

I think that covers it :)

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Natalie Dupont (Natalie means ‘Christmas’ which finds funny and her father used to tease her and call her mother Christmas, and Dupont is an old french name meaning 'of the bridge’. If it’s ok I’d like to give Natalie the middle name 'Antoinette’ and that name mean priceless. I was always going to say it was great grandmother’s name and given to Natalie in her honor.

FACE CLAIM

Hailee Steinfeld REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER Natalie on the surface could appear your straightforward kind of gal. She’s that young woman with many layers and once you start peeling them away you’d be surprised at what you find. She’s been in a family filled with love and light, and yet her urges tug her nearer to the darkness. She finds it exciting being that close to danger, and she likes that feeling like when you go over a big hill and your stomach feels light. Then you hit the drop and it’s all worth it. Natalie was raised on the principal of family being your rock, and she firmly believes it. She recalls the tight knit little world she was raised within, but her hands reach for the bigger and wider world.

School only strengthened her need for more. Some would call her greedy, but she’s simply ambitious. Natalie wants to see it all and do it all, and she’s willing to pay the price to do it. She wants the thrill and the fun all wrapped in a tiny little gift for her. I’d love to explore her impulsive nature and how she finds her way into the darker side of the world. How she meshes with the other death-eater’s, and how she handles her home life or personal life as a result. I want to see her pushed to see how she reacts, and see her true and find her place in the world. PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Natalie has had maybe two or three boyfriends during her time at Hogwarts. They were never anything overly serious and mere crushes. The type of crushes that meant sweet kisses in the hall and hand holding at the table in the Great Hall. She tended to date within her circle, but she did venture in her sixth year and dated a Slytherin boy who had a taste for violence. She watched him bully other kids like an eager child taking in a lesson. She never participated but she absorbed the knowledge like a sponge. They eventually broke up when he chose to pick on a friend of hers and Natalie put her foot down. She hexed him so he broke out in horrible warts and then proudly proclaimed she had done it.

She believed when she was younger like most girls that there is a prince charming out there and she’ll raise beautiful babies with her best friend, but the notion has begun to fade as she gets older. She doesn’t want to be tied down at the moment and instead wants the adventures of life. Perhaps later as Natalie does want children to teach and nurture. She wants to find someone that’s her best friend first and lover second. The sort of person who matches her need for adventures and will dabble in the darkness without telling her she’s wrong.

Natalie’s parents were a good example of a strong marriage for her. They had their spats but she for the most part got the idea of a loving relationship from them. She recalls they had date nights and could be found snuggling on the couch in front of their fireplace. She hopes one day but for now she couldn’t see it. She is strictly heterosexual though in school she debated on the idea of dating another girl out of curiousity’s sake. It never happened and she found her heart wasn’t in it anyway. She didn’t want to fake anything for the sake of experimentation. Pronouns wise that would be she/her.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

Mockblog

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

The following section should be looked at like a survey for your character. Answer them in character and feel free to use gifs. Or, if you’d rather, answer them in third person or OOC without gifs. Answers do not have to be extremely lengthy.

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it: Gosh all the good ones are taken aren’t they? I’d like something where it helps make my decisions for me. Is that a thing? I’d like for it to be a thing. Go red if I’m in the danger zone and should not approach, or green if all is well. I’m a horrid decision maker. I have zero impulse control.

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you: That’s a hard one! Caradoc though. He’s interesting and I haven’t made many attempts to get to know him just yet and all that jazz. Kind of wondering what’s going on in that head of his. I’d take some chocolates. I got wand so I need some snacks.

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?: How about all decisions? I’m not good at making decisions because I make the decision and then second guess myself. I’m like oh was that actually the right decision or was I just deciding for the sake of it? It’s a mes and a half all the time.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?-Gosh ok I hope people never say I was a terrible friend or that I never amounted to anything. I take my friendships seriously you know? I love my friends and I’m that kind of person that wants to be your three in the morning phone call because you need someone. I also take working seriously enough. I think ambition is a big part of life and you need it to keep moving forward. I’d hate for peopel to say I never did anything with myself.

WRITING SAMPLE

Tick tick tick….The old fashion clock on the wall continued to click and click as Natalie stared at it with narrowed eyes. Brows furrowed she judged the time as the hands taunted her from her comfortable position leaned over the back of the couch. Tick tick…Finally the chime went off to signal a new hour and she was scrambling to get off the furniture and grab her jacket from the front hall. A chuckle from her Uncle was heard as he shook at his head at the girl’s enthusiasm.

“In a hurry?” he inquired, his graying hair tucked neat around a small set of ears and a gentle smile swept up the dimples of his cheeks. “Got practice,” Natalie returned, her tone still sweet as she politely halted for her elder. “I’ve almost got that hex down!”

She was practically bouncing in her shoes, the nice little dress her mom had made draped on her frame. The vibrant red made her think blood and made her grin with a twinkle of amusement. She had grabbed her cloak from the hook and made sure her wand was safely tucked away. Always out of sight her dad had told her once upon a time. It was safer that way. Her grandfather approached and ruffled her chocolate locks which got a crinkle of her nose from the younger girl.

“You’ll have it in no time,” he reassured.

He was gentle and at ease around the younger ones of the home. Her father would have put his foot down and reprimanded her for not having the simple hex down pat by this point. Natalie was a focused and ambitious learner though. She put in the hours of work into the newer spells and charms. Her grades in school had allowed her a little more space when it came to sorting out the formalities of adulthood. She was in her own space in her own apartment, but the comforts of the large estate would always beckon her back. She had visited and sat, but off she would go once again.

“Tell mum I said hi,” she rushed, ducking out the large front door in the next second and letting it shut with a thud behind her.

Natalie was putting in the hours and moving forward with her future. At least in some aspects. Her mother was dead certain her daughter would never marry anyone at this rate. She had wanted her arranged to someone of pure blood at sixteen, but the plan had never run as smoothly as her mother hoped. Natalie had turned down the idea so many times she had lost count.

She wanted independence and the chance to find who she was beyond someone else. She didn’t want to be stuck on someone’s arm like a prized piece, but instead a strong woman who could stand her ground. Another reason to put in the work, she had reminded herself simply.

She was in good spirits as she headed into town to meet up with her friend. The other girl was trying to do better as well. Both of them bore the mark of the dark lord and were eager to rise in ranks. They looked to past members of great name and great power to inspire. They were of course excited to be a name of their one one day, but baby steps. Even Natalie knew when to take things slowly lest she make a mistake.

Today was another day. Another beginning and another chance. She was ready to begin as she always was, but things were changing and Natalie Dupont could feel it in her bones.

#Accepted App

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aliciagaliano · 5 years ago

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Crossed Roads, chapter 5

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Author's Note: This is the longest chapter I’ve ever made so far, it may be slightly or a bit more darker than the others because I love angst (even if it'll become more angsty later).

...

Disclaimer: Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs belongs to Sony Pictures Animations.

The respective OC's belongs to me.

...

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok? I'm falling to pieces, yeah I'm falling to pieces

Breakeven - The Script

...

It was day three (or five, since he found her of course), contrary to the previous days there seemed to be a forecast of rain with some grey clouds passing around the sky, it was still unknown if it was an actual storm coming as the clouds were just coming. Probably it could be for the next few days, maybe earlier, even later that day... it was still necessary some farther researches from his part to make sure he wasn't reading the patterns of the climate in a wrong way. Accidents could happen anyways, even more if he wasn't focused enough (something he should've learned when inventing so many times in the past as well).

Despite of being all busy with his own matters, he still wanted to go down and check on Alice and see if she was already awake; it wasn't that early, it was around 10 AM already, he didn't think she would be awake but at least to see if she was alright. The only reason he was actually awake was because he couldn't get so much sleep last night, there were too many things going on in his head once again and it was hard for him to concentrate properly, even less to fall back asleep after the first nightmare he had...

In any case, it wasn't the first time he remained awake an entire night, there were days where he didn't get a single minute of sleep by being too busy with his ideas and how to develop them; once upon a time it reached that point where he couldn't keep himself awake to go to school once he fell asleep back in sixth grade, having became a problem for a good while and even having to get an adviser to regulate his sleeping schedule back; it was hard, yes, it took a while to get all of that fixed, right; yet of course that didn't mean he stopped doing so, only sometimes whenever he felt like he couldn't get his head away from overthinking even if he wanted so...

And mostly, it happened whenever he felt stuck for some unknown/unconscious reason.

Sighing deeply, trying to switch back to his common happy-go-luck behavior, lock all the things that uses to bother him into the back of his mind once again and go all the way back on trying to focus in his own ideas, he made himself a morning coffee as his usual breakfast (pretty much, like a certain modern version of the adventures of Sherlock Holmes portrayed by a Benedict with a Cumberbatch as surname giving endless puns to his name, no wonder why he was that skinny). Steve was sleeping in his box, having been eerily calm for the last 24 hours – not like he wanted him to destroy half of his lab once again, it was just... yes, weird, but better than having him breaking important stuff around even if he was his beloved partner in science.

He sat down on his old, orange and trustful rooking chair, blowing to his coffee a bit to cool it down as if tea it was, then took a sip of it...

He won't hesitate to kill anyone if they disobey...

The sound of porcelain breaking against the floor woke the monkey up, scaring him because of the sudden loud noise. The cup of coffee was now shattered on the floor with the dark brown/black-ish liquid completely spilled on the floor as the inventor had his eyes wide open and his hands open in distress, shaking slightly as the tears started to drip out uncontrollably... some of what probably could be considered as his biggest fears were coming back in probably a harder form taking him with his guard as lower as possible, making him... anxious...

"No, no... no it won't happen again Lockwood..." He said to himself, placing his hands upon his mouth once again as his heart raced against his chest faster, "She will be okay... we will be alright... he won't do anything to us... we will be fine... it'll be alright..." He took a very deep breath, whimpering in the process as he tried hard to calm down, "It'll be alright..."

When was the actual last time he ever felt like that? It's been like a couple of years ago after she passed, right? Anxiety: a feeling of worry, nervousness or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome, also, a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks. Normally his anxiety used to come out from his energetic behavior that needed to release its energy through his inventions by building machines or downloading his ideas at blueprints, computer and real life...

And this time it was the second definition of the word.

His only relief right now was to know that danger was away from the island for a few more days, bur time was becoming thinner and he would eventually come back; was he the only one who forgot about everything he's done during the last years? Sometimes he wondered that a lot, if they all forgot that the Devil was the mayor of the town... or probably he was the only one who actually remembered that... he wasn't sure about it to be honest, in part he was sure that the situation of the town was somehow his fault, not just for the defunction of the local economy but for being incompetent to find another sources of money, pretty much keeping it for himself.

There wasn't anything to do against it now, right? Just bite his tongue and keep his thoughts for himself or pay (probably, very) hard the consequences of his acts.

Think about what she told him the day before gave him a slight sign of hope: everyone gets what they deserve at the end, so... everything could go to better too, right? Perhaps not today, neither tomorrow nor the next month, but someday in the following years...

Cleaning up his face with the sleeve of his coat, under the close gaze of his lab partner who still was in his box, he stood up to clean the mess and get himself another cup of coffee. Once done that and after also having washed his face to calm down, he just noticed Steve still looking at him, it wasn't the usual curious/playful stare, he seemed worried... "Stressed." He only said as he intensely looked to his owner.

"It's fine Steve... it'll wear off soon anyways..." It wasn't the first time either, it would wear off soon as much as he was sure about, "We know it will..." His voice cracked once again at the same time his breathing became heavier, he wasn't feeling right, he didn't know if he would though. It wasn't just an anxiety but a constant feeling of worry that didn't stop making him feel sick but something else, something heavy in his chest that was urging him to get out for once at all, related to all the things that she saw yesterday, related to the mayor and related, indirectly to him. His hand was back on his mouth as he felt his throat contracting and his stomach trying to pump up whatever was in its inside, he felt very stressed, much more than the usual... he then feel upon his knees trying to calm down, inhaling and exhaling deeply... "I can't tell her..." He mumbled, "I can't tell her yet..."

His stomach then tugged, making him feel more sick. It was becoming worse, it never used to become that bad, in fact it was the first time in two years he's feeling like being eaten alive... his trembling body wouldn't be able to handle much longer and would end up giving in at the pressure he felt. Steve quickly got out his box and went downstairs like looking out for help, leaving the scientist alone... he couldn't avoid shrink into a ball and hug his legs like a scared child, he wasn't used to feel like that and it felt overwhelming, it made him feel so... petty...

He made a royal effort to calm down, but it felt so pointless, it felt everything, so cold – even much colder than other times. As much as he's been trying to lock down some feelings, they were now coming back harder than he would ever want... and he wasn't even sure why, why he was feeling so... probably afraid would be the right word to it? Because the more he thought about everything, the more anxious he felt; it was a breakdown already...

Perhaps the mere thought of ending up being alone once again was the thing that was keeping him like that, that's all he could think somehow under the pressure of his mind, he didn't want that little girl to leave him alone, and of course, as much as she retired her word about forgetting about her in case she had to leave and not get attached, sooner or later it'd happen, right? Her family was probably looking after her, she wouldn't be able to stay and he had to accept that...

Besides, it wasn't the first time he was alone, right...?

First his mother, then...

"Flint!" A young voice called, "What's wrong?! Please calm down!"

The darkness that was starting to surround him and his view started to fade away as he (barely) could see Alice checking on him in despair, her face discomposed into pure fear calling out his name; his body felt so numb and contracted at the point he didn't feel able to move a single muscle, instead of moving him from his place she quickly moved his limbs so she would be able to hug him as tight as her arms could. It took a long while, she was becoming more and more afraid of his condition until he finally hugged back in the same way she was doing it.

Slowly he sat down, with the small girl crying uncontrollably against his chest due the obvious startle... "I'm sorry for scaring you like this, Alice..." He said, "I promise that I didn't mean to do it..." He couldn't cope with it this time, that was the problem. He couldn't cope with the idea of having to get used back to be alone (not entirely because he had Steve, but because of having a real friend having to part away). In part he blamed that to his moody teenager years though, all the hormonal changes going on and stuff were quite heavy, on the other hand that wasn't entirely the case even if probably had something to do there, "I'm fine now..." That was a royal lie he didn't know she would actually believe in, "I just... have way too much in my head... it's not the first time..."

"You don't have to deal with it alone..." She said weakly against his chest, "You have me to talk with..." He sniffed calling out her attention more, "Please..."

"I don't want you to leave the island..." He felt her surprise, "It's... stupid... I know... but I don't actually want you to leave... I think about it and... it makes me feel... stressed... I don't want to be alone..." There was much more he wanted to say, but his throat didn't let him say anything else either. "A-and I'm sorry for s-scaring you like this again..." He chuckled sadly, with his voice cracking up again, "I'm just... a complete mess..."

He made her release him and look at his eyes; her face was very red for the tears, it made him feel bad once again as it felt like playing with her feelings unawarely. He sniffed hard trying to calm down, the small smile he gave to her turned into a grimace, but other than that, it was alright... instead of cleaning up his face he did it with her, wiping the tears away with his thumbs and then clean up his with his sleeves, then apologized once again for his sudden breakdown; and softly he kissed her forehead, to proceed to hug her once again but less stressed.

Trying to get over that scene they went to wash their faces once again, with the inventor cleaning her face like his mom would, to then pass downstairs holding hands; it was cute indeed, how they looked like brother and sister and how he showed a more human side asides of his technical, science-freaky side. Once they were done with breakfast the young inventor told her that she could go to have some fun with her new friends which was taken with certain insecurity from her...

"Yes, I'm sure about it, Alicia." He said with a smile and using her name.

"I don't know..."

"It'll be alright, I promise I'll be okay. Just stop worrying so much about me and have some fun with your new friends instead," She was surprised that he actually sounded very honest in his words, like more than being a way to distract her mind from his previous breakdown, he did want her to enjoy, "You should enjoy your time with other people asides of me too..." Bittersweetness was palpable again, she hated it.

"You're not a weirdo for me Flint..." She said looking down a bit, "You're just too nice for them..."

Agh! That feeling of melting came back with her sweetness, unable to do anything else but needing to give her a tight hug in response, taking out a giggle from her. Out of sudden everything felt better, and it felt that his relation with her has grown up a bit more than before... her shyness was probably to not get attached to him, that's all what pretty much he could tell, and at least she changed her mind about her previous petition; his scientific side still wanted to play some tests on her, though, he didn't want her to get mad either. Whatever she had to tell he had to wait for it, and as much as it made him go to straight despair because of his cat-like curiosity, he understood her point too.

He had something to tell her too anyways...

It was quite difficult until he managed to convince her to go out and play with the other kids as he did a day ago (even if she broke into an abandoned house and met their former owners), interact with the others... school days were pretty much reaching its end and they had a few day offs as there was nothing else to study about asides of just filling the last remaining days of the school calendar. The only reason he wasn't going to high school anymore was because he struggled a lot to get himself promoted to superior grades due his intelligence, being pretty pointless to keep on stuck in a same place with stuff that he already knew and having ended it just some time ago. Yes, it was hard to convince teachers to allow him a promotion due his age, he didn't really know how he managed to do it, but part of him thought it was just to get ridden of him.

Maybe because he accidentally made the chemistry lab explode twice when he was testing some substances even if he was quite aware of how dangerous that could be, or when he accidentally created this garbage-bot with way too much sass (1) as a science project that at least self-destroyed itself after seeing itself into a mirror... or because his notes at anything related to science, math and derivative were clean and perfect at the point he was almost qualified to give a class himself, even if he kinda sucked way too much with P.E. Or because in the IQ tests he was simply outstanding...

In any case, whatever they were planning, they just got totally ridden of him before anything else exploded and costed them a fortune, getting his promotion ceremony at least... and that was the story in an an utter nutshell.

Why would they even want to keep an outcast/threat like him any longer?

"At least she already left..."

He had something else to do anyways...

Five minutes later...

Contrary to the previous clear days, that day was cloudy, with grey clouds passing by in the sky like getting ready to let their water pour down in a soft rain anytime later, making her calculations, it could probably happen at some point in the afternoon past noon, or even near the sunset; but for some other reason she felt like there was something else lurking around, wanting to come near... the clouds felt like telling there was a bad augury incoming, something bad going to happen, but she couldn't understand why actually... it was... odd.

"Wazzup with the gloomy face, Alice?" She looked at Cal out of sudden when he talked to her, snapping her out of thoughts, "You seem to be worried."

"It's nothing..." She hoped it was nothing and just her imagination, "Don't worry about it." Said giving him a smile, then received a look to see if she was being honest and then look away, apparently having believed it. Honestly, she was worried about whatever could be roaming at the point, it wasn't just a hope for being her imagination, she was wishing to be just it.

They were heading to Cassie's home, they were going to meet the kids from the day before for a soccer match as an arrangement they did after retrieving the baseball ball from the haunted house... they passed by there, she felt someone staring from the windows, and as much as she couldn't see them, it seemed like someone was moving the curtains to take a look outside. Maybe they were waving at her even if she was unable to see them, think about that and their kindness made her smile at the house and then back to her path, somehow, dragging the previous thoughts away.

Then they reached her house, finding her already ready to leave with a smile, "They shall put us in the same team!" She said excited, making them giggle, "And I'm being serious, the least they can do is pick the three of us for retrieving their stupid ball from that house yesterday." And she was right about it.

"I don't mind it anyways..." Alice said with a soft voice, "Oddly, it was fun..." She got a weirded out glance from her friends.

"You're still weird..." Cal said, "But you're still cool. Also..." He looked to the sides like paying attention and see if no one else was listening, "I asked to my parents about the house yesterday and... well... you were right when you said that the ghost said she knows my mom..." The lost one in the conversation was the hazel-eyed girl, who looked at them confused, "She said they were good friends as they were the first people to visit us when we first moved here when I was born and... how a few months later it happened..."

"Uh... Flint told me something similar yesterday... he said his parents were childhood friends," She proceeded to explain him what her friend told her before, and how his mom was the one who found out about their deaths in the exact way he told the whole story, showing up concern in the face of her new friends about it, because, of course it was, "And that's all..." The more she thought about it the muddy it felt, surely, at the same time she thought that the greed of a single man was the reason of their deaths.

Had him something else to do with Flint's breakdown...?

The voice of her friends made her snap from her thoughts as she looked at them, rubbing her eyes a bit as if she just woke up. They asked if she was alright, receiving a positive answer, to then get ready to go away to the soccer field behind the school. Sighing deeply she just remained behind them with her mind lost in thoughts about the last three days, taking a look to her surroundings like looking for someone... everything that she was told about the story of the island did something in her mind, being completely aware that there was danger around the place and also many other things buried under the pavements (not literally, but who knew).

His words the previous day when he was talking about Shelbourne put a huge question mark in her mind... he was talking like he witnessed it first-handed, and it felt... overwhelming... How? Well, it was hard to explain but... she could feel his pain when he said about not hesitating to kill if he wanted, which kept meaning that if he really was the one behind the death of the McHale because of their money to have full royalties upon the now defunct cannery (which in the end didn't matter if he had all the power of the world), what would ever stop him from getting ridden of the people he considered a nuisance?

The same fears Flint was experimenting before were coming to her, making her bite her cheeks as she tried to drive those thoughts away. As much as she wanted to keep thinking that everything was going to be alright, she knew that in reality there would be a point where they probably would end up crossing paths and even maybe having a clash having in mind his background could end into a disaster where he... could end immersed in a crossfire...

And he could die...

Unawarely her steps stopped in the middle of the pavement as her gaze went lost to the front, filling her eyes with fear when that possibility showed up... her body started to tremble a bit with the possible ideas of what can ever happen to him, just the idea was... overwhelming... the many things crossing her mind were too much, she wanted to get ridden of them and go back to her previous activities but she was finding herself unable to do so, feeling anxiety started to take over but unlike her friend previously, she wasn't showing signs of it asides of the lost, scared gaze and the trembling body.

It came back: the feeling of something dark incoming, lurking in the shadows like a black cat in a dark night waiting to happen, the weather has been making her feel like that too, but honestly, she's been having that feeling for a long while already, pretty much since she woke up. As much as she hoped for it to be just her imagination, instinct was hardly able to get fooled, it could happen that same day at the same time it was a chance to happen some day after.

There was an actual reason of why she asked him to not get attached, but because of her own feelings towards that teenager she barely knew, that stupid inventor that ended up being such a humble being and turning up the world upside down in certain mode, well, she ended telling him to forget about it. Yes, she ended up regretting about telling him that when she saw that he actually cared about her that much, and it wasn't just fair to make such kind of request when she was unable to not do the same.

It doesn't matter where you hide, I will find you and I will kill you!

"Alice!" The voice of her friends brought her back to reality, she looked to her sides to see that she was now standing in a corner of the street. How any more annoying could be to just unplug from reality out of sudden and get everyone worried for no reason? "Are you okay?" Cassie asked worried, "Gosh, you don't seem so good..."

"I'm alright..." Well, that was quite of a lie because she fully wasn't, "Don't worry..." An excuse to not make them worry about her because of her problems, "Just..." There wasn't an excuse to justify her disconnection from reality this time, "Nevermind..." It was complicated to explain in any way. There were still just many things she wouldn't be able to explain properly even if she wanted. They would probably be afraid of her if she tells them the truth... "Let's go..." The last thing she did there was give them a fake smile even if she was already way too tired of pretending...

She knew that she was going to reach that very point where nothing would be able to be hidden under the carpets anymore, and how everything would explode at some point... and what would happen next?

She made an effort to pretend she was okay for the rest of the way towards the soccer field even if her world was falling down into pieces from behind, but that was the thing she was good at... as long they were oblivious to her reality everything would be alright, right? It uh... had to be like that... right? The less they knew the safer they would all be, or was she trying to protect herself from their reaction? It wouldn't work anyways... as much as she wanted it wouldn't work.

Somehow she repressed the growing desire of running away from them and going back to the lab and hug Flint as tight as she couldn't and tell him the entire truth without caring his reaction or what he could tell her. It didn't matter anymore in that moment, everything she was looking for in that right moment was for comfort and cry, just cry as hard and loud as her lungs could until she couldn't keep going while someone was there hugging her so hard; as much she hated to admit, she became addict to his warmth and kindness...

It was hard to not become too attached to someone like him though, he was gentle, kind, clever, he wasn't just the weirdo everybody else sees, and of course she was agree with the ghosts when they described the young version they knew, because apparently he didn't change his ways from those days despite all the pain he went through... and it was very admirable that he didn't change his ways despite what life has done to him, how unfair were the ways he got treated for so long, and pretty much everything.

He was very admirable in her honest opinion, they just were too dumb to see it.

Then they reached the soccer field, she was looking pale, with her arms trembling softly – almost imperceptible, like holding an anxiety attack growing and spreading in her inside like a wild fire, and again, somehow she was managing to keep all of it down, seeking to have a good time even if she felt her own mood going from up to down in a mere fraction of second, completely revolving her stomach at the point she felt unable to lift up her mood. There wasn't anything she could think about aside of her head being a complete bunch of mixed nuts and utter gibberish coming from one side to another without allowing her to actually know what was going on... and it was becoming so... stressful...

"Alice?" The voice of Cassie made her snap for a moment, making her yelp out of sudden for the surprise, "Hey, are you sure you feel alright? Because you look... pale..."

There was a voice in Alice's mind telling (yelling) her to stop pretending and run all the way back to the laboratory, find Flint and cry at the top of her lungs until she couldn't breath anymore. And of course, again, she didn't...

"I am..." Lies, "I really am..." Secrets and lies, "Don't worry..." She wanted to scream out loud so hard, but all of that energy was stuck inside somewhere, "It's completely okay..." It wasn't even close to be okay, "Just..." She wanted her mom again, she and Flint together to comfort her as much as possible, "Don't mind my stupid arse, okay...?" The more she spoke the more she felt like screaming so hard in silence for help, way too hard, but unable to be heard.

Well, Flint could hear her screams of help since the second day after they heard Talk and how she talked about her life, but he didn't seem able to help her... not yet at least... not unless she told him what the actual problem was.

"Well... listen to me... if you really need to talk, do it with me... okay?" She said, "You're also a friend, and that's what friends are for, right?"

There her body trembled more than before, her face became red at the same time her eyes started to fill up with tears, to then look down whimpering slightly. The hazel-eyed girl then became worried, looking to the group she made her walk away from them to not drag anyone's attention and hug her so tight, receiving it back as hard as she could unable to handle her sobs... and that's where she felt helpless, just being able to handle her breakdown as much as possible. All she knew was that her friend was completely troubled and holding a lot down, and of course she also knew it could become worse if she didn't let it out... they were behind the wooden steps, a place where they would hardly spot them.

"I'm sorry..." Finally the new girl said, "I'm so sorry I... I can't..." Her breathing was way too heavy, having a lot of problems to not be close to choke between inhaling, her hazel-eyed friend made her look to her eyes and focus there, "Cassie I..." She swallowed hard, whimpering in the same way as she tried so much to calm down, "Please... if... if I tell you the truth... can you... please... keep the secret...? I promise to explain you later but... don't tell anybody... I haven't talked to Flint about this yet and... I really, really wanna but... I-I-I'm so s-scared..."

"Sure, what is it?" She asked curious, her friend looked to her sides like paying attention, to then receive another request about not screaming nor doing anything weird even if it was hard... Alice leaned to her ear and told her, for a moment, there was silence, the girl was looking down really stressed, "Alice, are you being serious? I mean..."

"I'm being honest... believe it or not... why do you actually think I could hear them yesterday?!" She asked with distress, the hazel-eyed girl was about to reply, but no word came out from her mouth "I know you may have questions but... please... just... give me some time... I promise to give you more answers later..." As much as she wanted to ask again, the fact of seeing her becoming more and more anxious about it made her hold it.

"Okay Al..." She said, "I trust you..." She gave her a sincere smile as she held out her hand to her, the new girl looked at it for a moment in some sort of disbelief, "Hey, even if it sounds so crazy... you're still my friend... and you have proven to be really nice..." And out of sudden he found herself being tightly hugged by Alice, who was clenching her back apparently not wanting to let go, "It's alright... you can trust me whenever you need it..."

The new girl thanked her over and over again, as if she found a rock to lean against for the moment... it took a few minutes until she finally managed to calm down, sniffing and cleaning up her face, to then crack up a small smile... "Thank you... thank you so much... you don't know how much this actually means for me..."

Maybe she did know, that's why she agreed to do it, right? Well, it could be...

It took a little longer before they went back to the group, who looked at them coming as they realized their absence. There were already two groups of people for the game, apparently, one side was full, and thankfully enough, they were at Cal's side... "What happened to you two?" He asked curious, "Alice? Are you sure you're okay?" She just nodded with a small smile, she wasn't exactly that fine either, but well enough maybe. "Alright, Alice you'll be the goalie, get ready."

He received a nod in response with a small smile, the two groups got ready as a couple of kids went to take seat on the grass. Just a friendly soccer match where rules didn't really matter that much, they all took their positions as she remained in the goal zone looking closely to every movement they did... oh well, at least she was going to be there, because she was normally really bad to tell who was a friend and who was from the opposite band when they didn't use uniforms to tell the difference.

Her senses became active when the sound of the ball being kicked was heard, starting up the match, her eyes darted to far in the distance, seeing them all playing hard trying to get the ball and take it to the goal area. It passed to the other side with a kick with a loud thud-like noise, to then bounce up in the air to middle field as the ones to her side went behind it, the ball bounced against the ground once, and then there was a clash that reminded her to two football players that tried to hit the ball with their heads, with one of the kids clashing with his elbow the chest of his friend making them fall down.

Oof, that must hurt a lot...

The fact of them standing back up and helping each other for it made her see that everything was alright, to then hear the sound of the ball getting kicked again towards her direction... she didn't move for the dismay of everyone in her team... and there was a reason: it bounced against the soccer goal and flew to her left outside, the opposite team made a groan and faces of disappointment as hers thought it was just pure luck, while in reality, she just made a fast calculation to realize that; she quickly then ran towards the ball as it was in her area, getting it, going back to her zone, placing it on the kick spot and take some steps back.

Her eyes searched for Cassie and Cal for a quick moment, spotting her right behind the line of the contrary side, and him closer to the goal zone... she smiled a bit and ran against the ball, apparently missing the kick at first; as a reflect, they all looked back to then realize nothing happened, and in that right moment where they realized is when she actually gave a hit to the ball making it fly straight to the other side upon their heads and right towards Cal, who apparently understood her play; he jumped and hit it with his head, marking a perfect goal that could barely get avoided. "Yes!" She exclaimed now with a playful bright in her eyes at the same time she saw her team celebrating, and tried to remember their faces so she wouldn't be that predictable next time.

And so the game went on, with her remaining in the goal zone, being probably the best gatekeeper they saw in a long while and also having an amazing couple of legs that were able to make long shots that could almost reach the other soccer goal easily, and then in the end an hour later, the victory became theirs! Of course they cheered her for the victory as she didn't let the ball get into her zone in any single moment – which was very impressive. It was almost noon now, Cassie took away Alice for a while with a wide grin upon her face wanting to talk to her...

"Hey, were you... you know..." She said, Alice only nodded, "That was awesome! You completely rocked there!" She said in a joyful manner, "Tell me, what else can you do?"

"Well..." She said blushed, "I also know martial arts and fencing... and I can dance too... well I can... uh... do a lot of things actually..."

"You have to tell me everything!" She exclaimed grabbing her arms and grinning widely, "It's so freaking awesome!"

"Uh... I-I'll do it in another moment Cassie..." Alice said, "H-honestly this is all still weird for me... d-don't get me wrong..." Her friend gave her a smile and a hug, understanding her point, "I'll... go back to the house and get lunch..."

There was another hug, a nod, to then part ways. The girl quickly ran back to the house feeling certain happiness mixed with a slight fear about what she told her... it'd be alright, right? She wanted to believe that, despite the fact she wasn't sure it'd happen or not. The only reason she told her about it was because she needed to let it out, but she was unsure about her reaction after telling her the entire thing and how screwed up the situation actually was... but well, there wasn't a way to back down again, it was too late to do that.

She felt stupid.

It didn't take long until she reached the Lockwood house again, it felt weird, as if something was out of place... quickly she went upstairs calling out the name of her friend, feeling damn tired of hiding it and needing to tell him the truth about everything before it was too late for it; he wasn't anywhere around... it made her feel... uneasy... something was wrong. "Steve!" She called out, his lab partner quickly arrived, "Where's Flint?"

"Out!" The vervet monkey exclaimed. How long did he actually leave? She looked to her sides like seeking for something to help her, to then go to his closet and get one of his clean shirts, "Sniff!" She heard him exclaiming again, she closed her eyes and sniffed the clothe, like trying to focus in his smell like a dog hound...

"I got it!" Twisting on her heels she left the shirt fall and ran out in the same way she came from, before going back inside the house, she got a roll of bandages in case he was hurt and bleeding and another couple of first aid stuff, having in count his wounded arm and in case it opened back, to then pass to the main street and run towards the old cannery...

He was in troubles...

A while ago

Now she was away playing with friends, he went back upstairs to get his morning coffee once again, this time having managed to hold up his anxiety and sigh deeply... it's been a nice way to start with his day, wasn't it? Completely break down out of sudden as he tried to keep all his bad thoughts locked away and get back to what he actually cared, to then remember he was still human and someone who cared about the people who approached to him like her and he didn't want to be alone even if loneliness itself was already a good ol' friend.

He looked at Steve, his trustful partner lab to remind himself he wasn't entirely alone, but at the same time, the more he didn't want to remember about it, he knew that despite everything, he was still just a monkey and he needed a real human friend to palliate that feeling more... yeah, his lab partner managed to do that, but just a bit... it wasn't enough, but later on he did manage to get himself over that feeling in part by talking to him and to himself. Subconsciously he still felt as lonely as usual, and there were times he felt brand more lonely than the usual...

It's been so different in the last days...

The reason he always repeated to himself that everything would be okay and it would just go away was because he was already too used to feel like that and make it wear off at some point... but this time... he got that nightmare, and she was there trying to wake him up, to then proceed to hug him as tight as her arms could out of concern; how he cut his arm with glass because of an accident and how scared she was for his condition, the way she actually cared about him... she really, really cared about him so much, and then, what'd happen if she leaves?

He would be alone again...

Come on, it wasn't the first time somebody leaves his side either, right? That's why he couldn't have friends in the way he wanted, because something would come and totally ruin it.

Someone comes, they befriended, something happens, and they're gone...

And it makes him want to cry...

Placing down the empty cup upon his desktop, he went to the bathroom to wash his face for a moment, when he looked to the looking glass all he could see was a beaten teenager with bags under his eyes and a pale skin that only lived with coffee and randomly sardines whenever he didn't have many options though.

His MP3 player was playing music somewhere in his lab, it was a song he heard a long time ago... how was the name...? Oh yes, Breakeven or something like that. The first verses, and mostly the first line of the entire song were the thing that fitted the most to his actual mood, "I'm still alive but barely breathing..." He sung softly, sitting around, with his hands together and looking down.

Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in... 'Cause I got time while she got freedom... 'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even...

He closed his eyes letting some tears down his face. He remember he first heard that song a couple of years ago when it just came out, and it felt like a pain reliever after...

Her best days will be some of my worst She finally met a man that's gonna put her first...

Even if that wouldn't really ever happen anymore...

While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping 'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even, no...

He let out a sad chuckle, because it was true though...

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

Funny enough, that was a scream from him...

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK...

Even if she would really never be okay...

I'm falling to pieces, yeah I'm falling to pieces...

Once again, after so long, he was actually crumbling down terribly... harder, stronger, louder... he hated it so much...

They say bad things happen for a reason... But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding...

Oh really? Sure, probably bad things happens for a fucking reason, and then everything it did was leave a crumbled mess out of him, a crumbled, crazy mess that was always hard to clean and could become worse and worse with time...

'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving... And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even, no

There it came again, with tears flowing down his face, and he was grieving a loss once again...

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you? And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK? I'm falling to pieces, yeah... I'm falling to pieces, yeah...

Falling in small, tiny pieces that were almost like smithereens by a glass breaking down...

I'm falling to pieces... (One still in love while the other one's leaving)

That was his case in some way... even if she left long ago...

I'm falling to pieces... ('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

He had his face hiding against his legs, sobbing in silence as he couldn't handle his grief any longer... it's been so damn long since the last time he actually felt like that... of course he hated it so much... yet, it was the constant reminder of how he was still just a human being...

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain, You took your suitcase, I took the blame, Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh 'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name...

The feeling was relatable, yet not exactly his case... it was... almost, very close to an actual experience of a break-up yet harder than that...

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing...

Once again that was his case... and now he was trying to pour down all the possible pain to feel better at some point of the day, or at least, before Alice came back from the playground...

Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in... 'Cause I got time while she got freedom... 'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break... No it don't break No it don't breakeven no!

Someone make the pain stop...

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and... What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK? (Oh glad you're okay now) I'm falling to pieces yeah... I'm falling to pieces yeah...

I'm falling to pieces (One still in love while the other ones leaving) I'm falling to pieces yeah ('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't breakeven no...

The song was fading away as he was on the floor now, curled up in a ball crying in silence feeling like a complete baby and also... uh... overexposed could be a right word for it? Well, probably it was the right word for his actual mood even if there was nobody around asides of his lab partner, he tried to calm down so much, but he entirely felt unable to do that at the moment. All he wanted was to switch back to his happy-go-luck/creative self and turn off this side of his he used to hate a lot...

It took around five more minutes before he decided to stand up and get back to the bathroom to clean up his face, this time avoiding to look at his reflex on the mirror. Sighing deeply he seemed ready to leave the lab, opening the windows to let some air get in; for a moment his arm felt like stinging, right in the spot where he got the cut last day, to then get another reminder of her kindness... "Stop it!" He exclaimed to himself, "Just stop it! Don't think about it anymore or you'll get it worse...!"

He felt so stressed... just, too much, way much more than he wanted... he was feeling horrible, like a complete wreck, he couldn't think right... shaking his head he went downstairs, cracking up his fingers one by one still seeking to calm himself down one way or another without success, biting his cheeks gently. He passed through the sliding door, with his eyes looking down in every moment as he kept trying to remain with a low profile, not wanting to people seeing him cry...

One thought: keep walking, just that. Then he mumbled, "Fuck..." He wanted and needed a flower... biting his lower lip he searched for a rose, whatever color it was from a bush, or whatever flower in his way – no, no... he couldn't just pick up one randomly, it had to be something special... where were those blue campanulas he used to get whenever he was going to visit her? There was one house that got those beautiful flowers in the front yard against the fence, being one of those few things that actually made the town colorful...

It was nearby his destiny so... he could pick up some...

So he did, once he reached the house, he gently cut off a branch full of those flowers he considered pretty, the owners didn't have any problems about it anyways, they've seen him doing that a couple of times, yet they never said anything about it. In a normal case, anyone would've kicked him away from there; slowly he kept walking, there was no one around the street this time, either in their works or still sleeping, he didn't know, he didn't care right now... the smell of the flowers were making him calm down, mixing up with a feeling of melancholy...

Looking to his sides, he reached a different house: a huge, two-floored house that was bigger to the back side, with a bright, white color and black roof; the porches was of the same color as the roof. Among all the things around the entire city, that... mansion was pretty much the only place that looked renewed and relatively fresh... he sighed deeply, knowing that he was safe as the owner – the crazy madman they had as a mayor was still away in the States.

He was still alone there, so he slowly stepped into the front yard, but instead of going to the front door he went to a side towards a spotlight... sighing very deeply, he slowly opened it and looked to the dark inside of the wide basement, which seemed quite empty in some parts. There was no one around neither nobody seemed to be at home, so he quickly turned around to enter... the air was cold, the ambient heavy, there were a few things around he couldn't see right, he didn't really care though and went to the darkest corner of the room... the closer he got, the slower he went... a few tears were rolling down his cheeks as he bit his lower lip nervous... then, there he was...

"Hey Mar..." He said with his voice trembling softly, "I'm sorry for not having came in a while but... I've been waiting for him to be away because... you know... I don't want troubles..." There was a brief silence as he teared up more, sniffing hard as he cleaned up his face, giving a grimace, "H-hey... how have you been...? I... I brought you some flowers..." He went closer to that corner, from what was seen, there was a white coffin surrounded with flowers of several kinds, he left his in a place hidden, "Heh... do you remember when you told me how much you liked these campanulas...?" There was an overwhelming pain growing in his inside, "H-hey... I-I met someone... nice a-a few days ago..." His body was shaking as he took a brief pause, swallowing hard once again, "Her name is Alice... she's... uh... ten years old... and... she's... amazing..." He was now shaking more as the words trembled out, to then sniff, "She... she's not... not from here... uh... she's from... far... away... and..." He whimpered softly trying to control his emotions, something he was miserably failing at, "You'd... probably like her..." He gave a small smile, sniffing once again, "I mean she's so different from kids of her age and stuff and... I wish you were still here..."

He couldn't avoid to fall down and sniff again, starting to cry in silence at the feet of the coffin... "I'm really sorry... you're here because of me... I should be the one down here and not you... you didn't deserve this..." It was really silly to talk to someone who was dead, right? Scientifically it was impossible for them to hear a living as they were already dead, regardless that, there he was once again, having done the same all over again during two years... and now he felt like he really, really needed to do it again.

He poured out his pain for a long while, he wasn't sure how long exactly asides of just needing to do it, he laughed, softly for a moment before it turned into a sob as his forehead leaned against the coffin... he tried to control himself, conscious that he didn't have long before anyone, maybe got in; he was good enough hiding though, yet, in any way he didn't want to get into any sort of troubles even if the owner – better said the mayor wasn't in the island... how long they still had freedom from him? Five, four days? It didn't matter in that moment if he was honest... he didn't care anymore, it was just... enough... besides who would even miss him in the island if he left to the other side?

Just... just... you and your father... don't get too... attached to me... because I'll only make you suffer...

She probably didn't really care about him though... everything she was doing was just pretend... "But why do you think she's pretending with you, Lockwood?" He quickly raised up his gaze and looked to his sides, swearing to God he heard this unknown voice that seemed to come from an old man... was he already nuts? Heh, he wouldn't be surprised anymore if he was... and he didn't have any strength to get up again, just leaning gently against the white, sealed case once again, sighing deeply, "She really loves you, believe it or not... why do you think she ended up regretting for asking you to forget about getting attached to her?" The voice said again, "There's nothing in this world that's been making her as happy as you, and she really, really cares about you... or you think she wouldn't have gotten scared when you cut your arm yesterday, or when you had your breakdows?" There was a brief pause, "She gave you his heart... don't toy with it..."

He didn't reply for a while, feeling just too low to think for an answer until he said, "I don't wanna lose her too..." He said, sniffing harder as he whimpered softly, "I just don't want her to leave me alone again... I'm so tired of being lonely and... I'm used to it but... it's so hard to go back there after someone approaches... I hate this feeling but... I cannot help it... not... right now..." His chest felt like aching, almost burning in pain, "I'm just afraid... because everything I touch gets ruined..." He sniffed again, "First my mom... and a few years later was her... I don't want Alice to be the next now..." Pour out all his pain to the nothingness like that was starting to make effect, making his chest feel less and less hurt and pressed, "I have to talk to her about her now... I really need her to know about this or else..." It would end up eating him alive in a worse way than ever.

Slowly everything became clear as his sorrow started to low down, lifting up his head as he stood up, feeling his legs wobbling like jelly with a resolution... he had to talk about it to Alice no matter how much it could hurt, because despite everything, she was smart and understanding – more than anyone of her age of course. Even with the darkness of the room, it was notorious his red face and his eyes in bloodshot for the tears, in part he felt like a ghost, but that feeling was less hard than it was a while ago; he really, and actually really needed more than ever to talk to Alice about her, because he already needed to let everything out... "Mar... before I go, I... I love you..."

Cleaning up his face he got ready to leave, feeling a weight having being lifted up from his shoulders and cracking up an almost imperceptible smile, to then shake his body a bit in order to feel it, cracking his neck releasing tension. Now he had it clear, finally, after days everything started to become clear... there he headed to the same spotlight where he got in and climbed out, carefully to not being spotted by anyone – mostly and even less from Earl who could actually now confuse him for a burglar and Brent who lived in the house, and never was aware of his visits... the coast was clear, he could leave in peace.

In normal cases he would wait until night was at its zenith to visit her, when everyone was asleep. Not at midnight, but somewhere during 2:00 or 3:00 AM when he couldn't have any sleep and he actually needed to get there. It wasn't the first time, neither the last, no one never saw him neither getting in nor out, otherwise, a long time ago he could've gotten himself into a list of disappeared people, that was for sure. This time the (his) situation was unhandable, one he couldn't take any longer because of the many things that's been passing through his head over and over again from here and then and his stupid anxious arse screaming things and whispering gibberish and... it was too much. Much more than he could handle already.

Who is she? What happened to her? Well... they–

"Hello nerd!" He heard a familiar voice from behind, this time it wasn't Brent but the voice of one of his annoying peers, "Where are you going? Huh?" He turned around, the two friends of his usual bully were now hanging out without him, "And where is your little girlfriend?" One of them was smiling, like telling that he was in serious troubles for what happened a couple of days ago.

"I really gotta go Alex," He said firmly, "I have something to do right now..." They started to laugh a bit at his statement, completely belittling it making the young inventor bite his lower lip a bit in response, feeling a growing danger in the air... he had to leave now.

Flint quickly turned around ready to run off, hoping to do it in time, but in that same moment he felt a grip around his arm, right where he got that cut a day ago making him flinch in pain even if the grip wasn't exactly that tight. Well it actually was and the pain there was worsening, making him hiss in pain as well, "Oh but we wanted to take you somewhere, Lockwood!" The other one said, the one known now as Alex held his arm slightly tighter with a grin, "Does it really hurts you? Oh, we didn't know you even were that fragile." There were more laughs from them as the pain kept growing, making him flinch more than before.

"Henry please let me go..." He yelped, sniffing a bit, "It really hurts...!" It wasn't until they saw blood staining his coat when they didn't let go, maybe that wound was closed, but it was still relatively new and sensible; he panted heavily, now feeling fear for whatever they had planned for him and Alice wasn't close to save him this time. That's why they came to him now, he didn't get out his house the day before, and now he was wandering alone again around, "Leave me alone..." He said again, stepping back from them like a scared cat.

Then he ran away, with them behind him. The pain in his arm was loud and horrible, as if something was constantly stitching his nerves over and over again with invisible needles, he first looked back and then to his way needing to hide and get back his way to home. Sadly enough, they were stomping his heels and he was right in the opposite direction from his house towards the cannery, but at least he had some distance from them... oh geez, where was Earl when he needed him?

On a bright side, his skinny-looking self was a good way to hide up his actual body shape: he was light and fast, incredibly, fast enough to get two football chasers away from him. Sometimes he thought that his constant accidents with his inventions, the falls, the hits, explosions and stuff made him gain a lot of endurance for those kind of cases... somehow it was surprising, such a shame his skin didn't become of stone or something, that'd be useful as hell. Anyways.

All the ways leaded them towards the cannery in the end, with the inventor having jumped the fence easily while his chasers took a few minutes to do it, giving him enough time to get in and find a place to hide; the inside was way destroyed than it looked from outside, with parts of the walls, ceiling and floor already down with large holes around; there were old conveyor chains around, old, rusty cans and many chains around the ceiling, with traces of fire left on what was seen from the walls... it brought... painful memories of course.

He had to be careful where he stood, or else he could fall to the ocean, and that wasn't pretty much an option – or was it? Oh, no it wasn't, as much it was a good idea that part had its dangers too. "Think fast Lockwood before they come..." He said to himself, who knew what were they planning to do this time anyways. He didn't want to find out either, all he knew is that they'd just humiliate him so much at the point he wouldn't be able to get out his laboratory for the rest of his life as a minimum. They always could get a way to mess up with him, even if they couldn't give him a wedgie, they still always found a way to hurt him...

Oh... tall places were good, right? He wasn't sure now, the rush wasn't allowing him to think straight either, yet in part he could... kind of. The platforms were unstable, rusty, damaged, and if he didn't have enough care he could fall and get a worse hit than the ones his inventions gives him already; he kind of wondered this time if the mayor paid them to torture him out of sudden, having in mind they were being slightly more aggressive and active than usual and of course they just loved to mess up with him as well, a good bribe was enough to get them working as he wanted. The only reason they didn't get him before was because he was either in his laboratory or with his father, and the affair of two days ago was with Alice... fuck.

"Lockwood!" The voice of Alex was heard from there, making him yelp. It was too late to hide upstairs, he had to sort out the gaps and dangers of the lowest floor of the entire cannery, which at the same time felt better than risking his life twice by sorting out the gaps up there, which was more unstable... he heard his own breathing becoming quick as he ran up the conveyor chains, to then land safely back to the floor being careful to not get it broken, already finding himself having ran half of the place and in a tall place when they arrived, to then keep going fast...

They were two against one, if they were just slightly clever enough they'd split their ways to get him one way or another, something they haven't done yet. He felt tired already, having not taken care of the wound yet now it started to bleed once again, just reminding it actually and still hurts a bit of pretty much a lot and how he shouldn't be forcing his muscles, but that wasn't happening and he had no other choice either, as everything had a limit, he would hit it anytime soon, and he was completely conscience of that...

There was a way he would be able to get out, which was get this hole on the other side of the cannery that would lead him outside upon a dock that would take him back to the shore which would be an Olympic lap towards his house. It was like a light at the end of a long cave, and he completely had hopes of getting away with it, isolating the pain of his arm away, the dizziness, and keeping himself focused on it... then, his foot got against something making him trip and roll a couple of times... getting him dizzy and his head spinning... without hesitating he stood back up, having to lean against whatever was next to him and keep going... it was so close... he was close...

"Lockwood!" He felt a grip from the collar of the back of his neck that made him turn around and get stomped against whatever he used to lean, his breathing was heavy as the ambient felt like decaying as well, "Were you going somewhere else?" Henry asked, receiving a scared stare from the inventor. "Oh, are we scaring you? Do you want your little girlfriend here with you?" He couldn't feel his wounded arm anymore, with the adrenaline rushing throughout his entire body and feeling his heart drumming against his chest... whatever they were planning... he didn't know...

"Alice!" He shouted starting to tear up, his voice echoed all over the place in an empty cry of help... he was just... scared as hell, "Help–!" There was a tight grip upon his mouth, even though maybe no one would hear him, they probably wanted to make sure no one would hear him. His blue eyes were wide open like plates as he let out a muffled whimper, breathing heavily and feeling how the air started to lack from his lungs at the point he felt like about to pass out...

This was going far from the usual... and it wasn't good...

The grips of Alex were tight, both the one upon his chest and the one upon his mouth, maybe he was a bit more superior than them in some physical stuff, but he had everything to lose whenever it comes for strength. The two first looked to each other like trying to decide what to do to completely humiliate him this time, he only wanted to flee somehow, there wasn't a way he'd be able to get away from them this time and he had to resign himself with the 'punishment' they had planned... "We can tie him up with his underwear!" Henry said, "You know, his 'wedgie-proof' underwear can be useful for some things!"

"He can also have a bungee ride from the roof! I'm sure he'd love it!" He tried to shake his head, but he couldn't, he hated the idea a bit of way too much, and of course they were getting him more and more scared.

"Yeah but how the fuck do we get there?" He relaxed just a little bit with the question, because it was fairly a good one. "Oh well we can find a way, can't we?" Shit... "Whatever. Get some chains to drag him upstairs then." There was a grin from his friend, who was ready to do what he asked and making the inventor get anxious once again, whimpering and trying to set himself free from them.

'Alice please... please come here...' He thought scared, 'Help me...' He could wish for somebody else maybe, but something deep inside was telling that she would be able to help him in case she ever realized where he was and how bad his situation was. He just wanted somebody to aid him before they could do their things on him...

Then they heard the sound of steps in a high place, chains being grabbed.

*whistle*

The bullies looked back, but they didn't see anything, Alex felt how his grip suddenly loosened as he then realized that the inventor was high in the air being held by feet under his armpits, seeing that oh surprise! Alice just saved him. Everything happened too fast, even for the scientist, who took a good moment to realize what just happened... the pair of bullies quickly ran behind them as Alice let go one side of a chain she was using to swing around and landed in a platform that almost fell down, to then pull the rusty metallic object and drag it with her as they went to the internal stairs; he was about to run down, but for his surprise she clashed against the wall in front of them opening a hole wide enough for both of them to get out. For a moment he wondered how, then he pretty much attribute it to the weak structure of the cannery...

"Flint, come here!" She said spinning the chain fast like trying to get towards somewhere, they heard the sound of their screams getting near fast, "We will be alright, just hold me tight!" Her eyes were looking all over the place looking for a ledge or somewhere safe to jump and swing, without hesitating and prisoner of the panic he did what she asked, completely aware of the closeness of the bullies, "Got it!" She found an old lamp up in the distance, aiming at it she tossed the chain, making it spin twice against it, carefully she pulled it to see if it'd be able to handle their weight, hearing the sound of their steps already going up the stairs.

"Alice they're coming!" He screamed scared, holding her tight.

"Get ready!" In the right moment the pair was about to get them, she jumped down as they swung from the backside of the cannery to the side, in direction towards the exit.

He couldn't avoid looking back, feeling tired already for all the thrills, seeing the chasers looking at them get away to then go all the way down once again, the wind against his face because of the friction made him have a very deep breath as he kept trying to hold her tight, about to pass out for everything that's been happening in the last... twenty minutes (?); near the ground she released the chain, making them fly and land upon an old container and roll... he was already tired of running, he didn't feel able to run any longer...

The girl quickly carried him on her back and jumped down, dragging him to somewhere out of sight to check on his arm, sniffing in the process to see how stained his white coat was... carefully she removed it, feeling sticky, she yelped a bit when she saw how bad it was: the bandage used to cover it was completely stained, showing that he did lose a lot of blood, and the lack of color in his skin could tell that a lot more than it should; he gave her a smile trying to ease her, but it was futile this time. Quickly she got out some of the things she took from the lab, ready to clean up his arm, removing the bandage she proceeded to clean his arm, with him biting his blue shirt to avoid screaming at the top of his lungs how much it stings, twitching in pain and holding it as long as possible...

They heard their voices then, making the girl rush with the healing and cover it with new and fresh bandages and securing them to last until they reached a safer place to check it in a proper way – maybe going to Waterfront Street and asking Tim to take him to the hospital even if Flint would refuse; they waited a long while, trying to keep low profiles and avoid being spotted, and it probably wouldn't take long until they could get spotted... "Liz..." He said, she looked at him, "I'm scared..."

He felt her hand holding his, trying to make him believe that everything's not lost and they'd be alright... slowly they got out their hideout and took a peek, looking around for the two chasers... wait, they just realized that Henry was in the distance, but where was–?

She then felt how someone gripped her from behind and got him away from her friend, making him yelp in surprise, to then feel how he was tackled down by the other one. "I can't believe it worked!" One said with a grin, the girl lowered her head feeling bad now for having lowered her guard as well, to then clench her fist as a few tears were starting to drip down her eyes. Flint on the other hand got his arms behind his back breathing heavily once again amazingly scared... he was just looking down as Henry held him tight... so much running for nothing... and he was already tired enough to fight back...

It was that moment where he had to give up... right? He already tried everything to avoid capture and now there they were... how pathetic... on the other hand Alice was trying to think on something; maybe she wasn't struggling, but that didn't mean she would give up yet... there weren't just ideas in her head to let them go. "What are we gonna do now?" Henry asked, Alex seemed to think on something.

"Why don't we play in the toilet with him and leave the girl locked somewhere?" He asked with a grin, making his peer curve one too, "We can lock them in the old abandoned house too afterwards!" Such a fine couple of bullies who didn't have troubles in dragging a girl into their bullying towards the inventor, which was something that made her feel sick, "We just have to be careful to not drag anyone's attention if we'll do it. Should we get tape for it?" Oh my fucking God they were totally nuts indeed, on the bright side, at least the couple living in the house would probably be nice enough to set them free afterwards. His friend's grin widened with the proposal; the girl gave a glance to her friend, seeing that he wasn't reacting and being just resigned to whatever they were still planned... it just broke her heart...

Flint wasn't just thinking on anything anymore, being totally emptied from his thoughts, completely resigned to cope with them, unable to think, already careless of their plans... for once he was about to get away with it, and even more with her but... they were at their mercy now, right? And he was already really tired, not just for the rush but for the blood loss as well, he couldn't act anymore, he reached his limits, he was done. Totally and completely done for the day – or even the week, he didn't know nor care. They were ready to leave, only to see Brent coming in their direction looking confused this time...

Alice looked to him for a moment, showing a serious face as his peers cheered him up as he 'arrived just in time for the fun', she again looked at her friend, he still wasn't reacting, she wondered if he passed out as she couldn't see his face. "I heard you were here, what the heck is going on?" He asked sounding slightly... annoyed, to then look at the inventor and the girl.

"We captured a nerd and his girlfriend!" Alex said, making the girl roll her eyes in response, making her mumble something in Spanish. The older bully seemed... actually hesitating between let them go and make what his peers wanted, that's where she wondered if he was like that to like them or if he was actually like that and he casually wasn't in the mood for it. "Let's have some fun with them!" He opened his mouth to say something, but then he noticed her glance and how she asked him non-verbally to leave them alone, "Come on Brent, are you hesitating this time? You love to play with this loser a lot!"

"Well I–"

"Brent..." the girl said, "Please leave him alone..." Her voice was low yet sweet with a hint of despair, "Please... just look at him..." He did the asked and saw him, seeing him so languid and pity and the big red spot around his right arm, with his head low, what looked like tears down his face to the soil... "Leave him alone..." She said, "I'll take his place instead..."

There was a dead silence for a moment, seeming all surprised with her request.

"Alice..." The inventor said in a weak way, "Please... it'll be alright..." She shook her head, "Let's go... I accept whatever you have planned anyways..." He heard her sniffing, "Just get her out of this... she got nothing to do here..." It was true, yet she didn't care at all. If it meant saving his already worn out friend from torture then that was alright for her, he really needed a break and recover again, let his arm rest, everything. He insisted them to go despite the pleas of his friend, raising up his gaze he looked at Brent with a tired glance that showed resignation, feeling ready to face it.

She felt helpless at that point... she had an option but... she didn't want to do it... there was this voice in her mind, one arguing with her about how much of no choice she had to prevent all of it without going wild, but she completely refused at it, wanting to find another way... she snapped a bit from thoughts when she heard one of them asking if by any chance he brought tape, to then look at all of them concerned as hell. They weren't going to go back to the town for obvious reasons, having to find their 'fun' there now they were alone, she looked at the fat one of the group like begging him to change their mind and let them go, something they'd probably do if he told them...

But he looked away...

Indeed, that completely felt like a bucket of cold water that enraged her...

"Brent let us go..." She said, her voice changed in that moment, sounding now slightly aggressive, "I swear to God I don't wanna go wild so let us go!" Indeed that non-verbal action made her angry, preferring to ignore his conscience and do it more than let them just go. Of course he statement made the other two laugh, just pinching her nerves already.

They only ignored her threat, in harsh movement Henry made the inventor move his feet, to then hold again the same spot where he was wounded, this time he didn't flinch but let out a scream of pain.

That just added fire to the volcano.

"Enough!" She shouted – roared angrily, she got an arm free surprising Alex, to then grab his arm and incrust her nails tight, making him flinch and lose his grip from her. With the other arm free, she hit his chest with the elbow to push him away with an aggressive nature she was trying to hold down but couldn't anymore, surprising all the others and receiving a confused and surprised glare from Flint. Her captor tried to take her down from behind again, only to get avoided and get a hard, amazingly hard punch right on his face...

If he could make a quick comparission before his mind completely shutted down, it felt like a big, heavy fucking boulder just hit his face damn hard at the point he felt his jaw broken. It was that hard at the point his body flew a few meters backwards, rolling around and fell unconscious, with his nose bleeding and being looked with fear by the two remaining teenagers and the half-conscious young scientist... Enough was enough, she didn't want to get there, but there wasn't another option. She looked now at Henry with fierce in her eyes, showing coldness and hate and looking completely open to beat his face if he didn't let go her friend... without hesitation he did it, making him fall down, and then feel a hit right on his stomach product of a header, making him fall backwards and cough for air...

And Flint saw that too, feeling impressed and... scared...? She was angry indeed, but he didn't think she could actually get that aggressive either... it was impressive and scary at the same time... he couldn't think straight... then she looked at Brent in the same angry way, yet, he swore he saw her eyes burning in rage towards him, "Alice..." He said, but it was late. When he realized she launched himself towards the remaining teenager and hit his face too, once, twice, and harder; the remaining bully tried to defend himself, but he couldn't she was somehow just stronger and agile than him...

There he fell to the ground as she didn't stop hitting his face over and over again in a blind rage, with every hit becoming heavier as the tears jumped out her eyes, clenching her jaws tight as if she was still containing a lot of rage inside, letting it burn wild... "I fucking told you to leave us alone! Didn't I?!" She screeched to not scream raging; from Flint's side, it took a good while until he realized he had to realize what was going on due the tiredness...

"Alice please stop!" He said, as if that was a command, in the right moment where she was going to hit him again, her punch stopped, remaining still like a statue... her eyes lacked of bright, looking like an angry beast in its lowest instincts instead of a person, something terrifying indeed. The inventor quickly went to get her from under her arms and drag him away from Brent, who was barely conscious and probably with his nose possibly broken... he didn't say anything anymore...

"You're not a human..."

"You're a fucking idiot!" She roared again furiously out of her temples, with her mind probably lost somewhere letting her indignation and rage speak instead, "I told you to leave us alone but no! Of course you had to keep going with this, right?!" The tears were streaming down her eyes uncontrollably, about to get back and keep punching his face so hard until he couldn't do anything anymore, but being held by her friend to hold that back, "Your parents would be so fucking disappointed of you..." She hissed that with all the possible venom in her voice, showing up her complete rage and disgust, that mention made him look at her surprised, "Because they're too good and sweet to have such kind of fucking human waste as a son..."

Without being able to keep it anymore, she took her friend's arm and dragged him away, being careful from not doing any more harm on him... it was almost noon and they were all wasted already – emotionally talking I mean. While she kept his glance up in her way, Flint couldn't avoid look back for a moment, seeing Brent starting to cry on the floor as Henry went to check on him and help him to get up, seeing, too, how he refused to it...

And he was still scared though...

It took a while before they reached back the laboratory, with her sitting him on his bed and taking off his lab coat, placing it somewhere safe ready to check on his wound again, but he couldn't think straight... when she was going to place her hands on him, he quickly rejected them with a slap, surprising and scaring her for his act and making Steve hide feeling strong, negative emotions filling the air... all she saw in his eyes was fear...

"Don't fucking touch me!" He shouted out of his mind, too. All the ups and lows of the day made him already unstable summed up with the lack of blood; it was still a surprise that he was awake, "Why the fuck did you do that?!"

"Flint I just..." She tried to say, gulping and tearing up again.

"Just what?! Eh?! Tell me!" He was completely out of his mind, making her step back in fear as the tears were just falling down her face, "You're a fucking monster! That's what you are!" With those words he got some realizations... "You're not even human..."

"I-I was going to–"

"Of course!" He said like a madman, she was scared as hell, "That makes sense! Why you ended up in the middle of the ocean out of sudden, why you don't wanna talk about your life, why you can hear fucking ghosts! Why you brought a fucking sword with you! It makes sense why you fucking have so much strength! Because you're a fucking alien! Aren't you?!" She opened her mouth to say something, but he didn't let her speak, "Why are you here?! Are your race planning on taking over the planet?! Are you planning to abduct me?! Tell me! Why should I keep trusting you if all you have done is lying to me?!"

His hand went towards his nightstand, and then the sound of a broken glass was heard... that was the thing that made him snap and look down, seeing the crystal heart she gave to him shattered on the floor... just that was the thing that actually made him realize he just commited a huge mistake by screaming at her after saving him from them, but it was too late. See her gift broken on the floor made her pass from a face of fear to one of rage once again... he tried to apologize, but she snapped at him.

"I fucking hate you!" She shouted angrily, "You're a fucking idiot! And yes, I am not entirely human, but all I've been doing all this time is run away from them! I'm not like them and all I want is some peace! Understand?!" She was completely out of her mind too now, and incredibly mad at his reaction, "I can't believe I actually trusted you!" Those words were worse than all the wounds his body could receive, "I knew it was a mistake...!"

She turned around and went to the window, opening the metallic curtain of it to jump down to the sides of the building as Flint tried to reach her and Steve following from behind too, then he tried to get her back by going down through his elevator, she just walked furiously to the inside heading to the front, door, hearing a soft grumble of a thunder in the distance... fuck. She called out her name in an attempt of trying to talk to her and clarify some things, but she didn't listen at all, pretending to not hear it. His monkey quickly got to her shoulders, she didn't only placed a hand upon his head and placed him down gently, reaching the front door and opening it, slamming the door right on his face. Not losing time he opened it and ran towards her, grabbing her wrist in order to force her to listen.

It didn't work.

Instead, she did quite the same of what he did before, shaking his hand away and looking straight to his eyes with rage, screaming to him to not touch her and leave her alone... he felt this invisible force coming from her pushing him backwards, but not violently, it was like a strong wind that made him slide his feet on the pavement... of course that dragged other people's attention, to see how the new girl and the freak of the town were having a strong argument...

And finally, after yelling him hurtful stuff, she ran away as fast as her legs could towards the forest, sobbing in silence with the tears covering her vision. Earl, Regina and Cal saw her, her friend tried to stop her, but she didn't do it, just wanting to escape from there...

He felt the stares of everyone upon him, he didn't care, only seeing her running away until she was lost from view. One raindrop, then two, seven, many started to fall as another soft grumble of a thunder passing by was heard in the distance, to then find himself alone in the rain, with his tears in disguise with the water falling from the sky... he heard Steve calling him an idiot for it, and he agreed...

Then there was just this small, only one thing that crossed his mind...

"What have I done...?"

...

(1): From episode five of the CWACOM series called "Who You Calling Garbage?"

...

First page

#cwacom #flint lockwood #fanfiction #fanfic #angst #still a lot of angst #i can't think of anymore tags

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junker-town · 6 years ago

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Devin Hester’s son is already way more athletic than us as children and here’s why

None of us are breaking ankles like this.

Drayton Hester, son of legendary NFL kick returner Devin Hester, is already on the field and turning the ankles of his opponents into powder.

View this post on Instagram

Draaaayy-Day starting to come out his shell now!!! ‍♂️

A post shared by Anytime (@devin_d_hester_23) on Jul 15, 2019 at 6:43pm PDT

I love that Hester put “2029” on the video, just to give us a little something to look forward to in 10 YEARS TIME. Either way, I’m still in awe of Drayton’s ability to break ankles like Kathy Bates in Misery, so it got us thinking about our own youth sports past, more pointedly the times we were athletic and felt like superstars ourselves — if only for a moment.

What’s the most athletic thing you ever did in sports?

Flipping like a boss.

OK, so I was a kid at camp and we went to one of those gymnastics places. I weighed like four pounds so I could flip through the air pretty easily. I took it upon myself to try and flip off a trampoline into one of those foam pits and I did it! Except then my knee went into my face and my teeth busted open my lip and I had to go to the hospital.

I nailed the flip though.

— Matt Ellentuck

Tagged a kid out in a rundown

I was a tubby little guy with short legs. Chasing down a much more lithe baserunner was probably the highlight of my Little League career. I distinctly remember my mom questioning whether or not the other kid had an undisclosed leg injury on the ride home from the game.

Pretty good heckle, mom.

— Christian D’Andrea

Carrying the team — literally.

I was a husky lad. Think a cross between Chuck from The Goonies and ... I don’t know, a small muscular terrier? Anyway, I was on the absolute worst Under-8s rugby team. We sucked. We sucked so freaking bad. It was the last game of the season and we were carrying an 0-11 record, losing on average 37-0.

That’s right, we never scored ever. I was determined to change that in our final game. As a front rower I never got to carry the ball in space, but a dropped pass gave me the window I needed. I picked up the ball and began charging down the sideline. It was pouring rain, I was covered in mud and tacklers couldn’t get hands on me. I fended off the first two, then the third — suddenly I was literally carrying a kid on my back who was trying to tackle me, and one on each leg. I probably looked like a parent, with children attached to me like barnacles, refusing to break their hold.

I kept running. I never put so much effort into anything in my short life. I don’t remember any cheering, I don’t remember the sound of anything. Everything was just focused on scoring that try. The line in sight I made one last break, diving over and becoming the first player on the team that season to score.

Then the referee told me I’d stepped out of bounds about 10 meters earlier and didn’t notice his whistle. We went on to lose, 63-0.

— James Dator

Confessions of a Little League bully

It was the summer of one of my childhood years. Little League baseball was my life. I played for a ragtag baseball team in one of the most rural areas of Michigan’s already extremely rural Upper Peninsula.

Our team was playing against the best squad on our schedule, full of outstanding baseball players and lots of wins. That really wasn’t our style. So while the team that hailed from Trenary was the trim and proper kind, ours was more like the Bad News Bears (seriously, we had a kid who used to smoke in the outfield during practice and had another who was cross-eyed who would often get hit in the face while trying to catch fly balls).

In one of our several outings against the crème de la crème, there was a throw to home following a hit to the outfield. The ball rolled past the catcher and to the backstop and bounced around. I was coming from second base and rounded third, too excited to heed the warning of our third base coach as I excitedly ran for home. Being that I was a tubby child without much in the way of wheels, it wasn’t hard for the pitcher to get to the plate and snag a quick throw from the catcher. The pitcher, who was named Chris, turned, ball in glove, and faced me while blocking the plate.

I was fat. There was no turning back. The momentum was going in one direction and there would be no attempt to return to third base. Oh — and I had never even practiced a slide at this point in my short career. So I Pete Rosed him. Totally legal if they do it in the majors, right? Baseball is baseball is...

Nope.

Crushed the kid. I outweighed him by 50 pounds. He goes flying. Ball goes flying. I hit the dirt and then stand up, brush myself off, and step on home plate expecting cheers. Instead, there was a man screaming from the bleachers “Kick him out! He’s a fucking monster!” and the ump, an ancient fellow named Buck, booted me with an apology.

“Sorry, Sam,” he said with a frown. “That’s not allowed. You have to leave the game.”

As I plopped down on the bench, the man who had been screaming came to the dugout and began yelling at me. I watched as my dad stood up from where he was sitting in the bleachers and I was like “oh, man...” — but our coach stepped up and told the fellow to make like a tree and get out of there.

It was a rough moment in my sporting life. Apparently, Pete Rose wasn’t perfect. Who knew?

— Sam Eggleston

Stand up, and fall down, triple

Not to brag or anything (I’m bragging), but I was a pretty fast kid. Because of that fact, I was a slapper by the time I got to 12U softball. I also rarely hit the ball out of the infield, opting to just outrun the throw to first base.

Somehow during this random midsummer tournament, the ball did get out of the infield and I hit a hard shot down the first base line. I kind of blacked out after that, but according to an old Instagram caption this is the series of events that happened: during that excitement I tripped on first base while rounding, ripped my sock on my metal cleats, volleyball rolled, hopped up and continued running the bases. I’m honestly not sure if it was my athleticism or the other team’s incompetence, but I still ended up being safe at third base for my first, and only that I can remember, career triple.

We lost that game and got second for the tournament.

— Kennedi Landry

Dunk on somebody in a pickup basketball game

I’m probably about 20 or 21 years old at this point, and at the time had very Steph Curry-esque dunking abilities. I could do it in a game, but the moment had to be right.

Some weasel-ass guy was really just getting on my nerves the entire game, talking a lot, but not very good. So I stole a pass on the right side of the court, just behind the halfcourt line. I saw him on the left side trying to time a block.

I took one last hard dribble near the basket on the break — he jumps, I jump, pull him in with my left hand, and dunked with the right. I landed and stared at him, his soulless body laying on the court while everybody yelled.

That was the first, and last time it’ll ever happen as clean as that moment.

— Harry Lyles Jr.

Sacrificed my body for the sake of the team

I broke my nose diving for a ball playing second base in sixth grade recreational softball, but I played through the pain, got the out, and won us the game.

I’m absolutely kidding. It hit me squarely in the face because I was zoned out and not paying attention. I fell to the ground and immediately started sobbing, then ran off the field to go find my mom. Of course, as soon as I found her I wanted to play it cool and pretended it didn’t hurt that bad so I wouldn’t have to go to the doctor. To this day my nose is a little bit crooked because of it.

That was the beginning of my illustrious softball career. I went on to achieve amazing athletic feats such as making it onto my school team in eighth grade as the “team manager” because the coach felt too bad to cut me. I’d love to say I was great at sitting on the bench and being in charge of the scoresheet, but I definitely was not, because (big surprise) I was awful at paying attention to the game.

— Sydney Kuntz

Hit a home run, lose a tooth

I played Community Athletics baseball when I was a kid, which was a made-up organization that was somewhere between Little League and Babe Ruth on the age level, but not that organized. We didn’t have uniforms or official looking stirrups, but we had T-shirts and cheapo mesh hats and that was enough to have a good time with our friends.

So here we were playing a day game on a Saturday in the middle of July in New Jersey and it’s hot as hell. I was the catcher, which meant that I was also rocking sweatpants when everyone else was in shorts. (No uniforms, remember.)

My turn came up to bat and I hit the farthest ball I had ever hit in my life to that point. There were no fences on the field so I don’t know for sure how far the ball traveled but it was a majestic blast. Because there were no fences I ran as fast as I could around the bases until I slid across home plate with a dramatic flourish even though the ball was still making its way back to the infield.

As soon as the dust settled, I threw on my catcher’s gear for the next inning and dashed over to first base to help coach. Not that anyone needed a first base coach at that level but I was that kind of kid. I had barely made it to the coaches box when I felt my head get heavy and my eyes begin to close.

I distinctly recall dropping to my knees before face-planting in the dirt. That was the last thing I remembered until waking up to my very concerned parents throwing water on my face. I left the game with a black eye and a dead tooth that forced me to eat pudding for the rest of the weekend. (I highly recommend the all-pudding diet, by the way.)

I still have that tooth, discolored though it is, and my five-year-old loves to hear the story so it all worked out reasonably well. The moral of the story is to always hydrate and to not take youth sports so seriously because, in the end, all we have from it are memories of faded glory.

— Paul Flannery

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succeedly · 7 years ago

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Middle School STEAM: 5 Ways to Amp it Up!

Pauline Roberts on episode 230 of the 10-Minute Teacher Podcast

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Follow @coolcatteacher on Twitter

Exciting STEAM projects can ignite and excite any middle school. Today, Pauline Roberts gives us five important ingredients for amping up STEAM in middle school.

Middle School Science teachers should get the FREE Xplorlabs Fire Forensics kit.Solve a mystery. Meet Next Generation Science Standards. Have fun!

Go to http://ift.tt/2CRu9h7 today to get your Free Fire Forensics Kit.

Listen Now

Listen to the show on iTunes or Stitcher

Stream by clicking here.

***

Enhanced Transcript

Middle School STEAM: 5 Ways to Amp it Up!

Vicki: Today we’re talking with my friend, Pauline Roberts @Pr05bps. She’s an Instructional Specialist in Michigan, working with grades 3 – 8.

But Pauline, today you have for us five ways to amp up STEM in middle school.

What’s our first way?

Pauline: I think the first thing to consider is how you can collaborate with your science, engineering or math teaching colleagues.

Tip 1: Connect and Collaborate

At the middle school level, teachers tend to become more isolated as content experts, and in order to make your STEM activities more powerful and engaging, I would highly recommend that you connect in any way possible with those expert colleagues.

Explore the curriculum, look for natural connections, plan together, develop a common language and rubrics together. Try and observe each other teach, and use those opportunities to team teach.

Taking the time to develop a coherent approach to STEM in your building will help to develop STEM experiences for students and have a much greater impact on learning.

Vicki: Absolutely. And you know, change and innovation is all about relationships, isn’t it?

Pauline: Absolutely. Yes.

Vicki: OK, what’s our second, Pauline?

Pauline: I think the second thing to do is to provide an authentic, real-world context for your STEM projects by challenging students to generate creative solutions to real-world problems.

Tip 2: Provide an Authentic Context

The level of enthusiasm and engagement just soars as students learn to ask, find, or determine answers to questions derived from curiosity about everyday experiences… and to describe or explain and articulate their thoughts about the world around them.

In the process of solving real-world authentic problems, they begin to see themselves as true innovators who can make a positive difference in the world.

Vicki: I love that! Do you have any examples for us of something you’ve done at your school?

Pauline: Oh, we’ve got lots of real-world problems going on at the moment in my building.

We have fifth and sixth-grade students in a middle school setting who are working on how to save the bees.

They’ve learned all about the science behind the bee population, the reasons why it could possibly be declining, and they’ve contacted local experts.

They’ve worked very diligently to build their own beehives offsite, and they collect data and manage that data to try and learn how they can help save bees and spread what they’ve learned to the wider community.

Vicki: Oh, how exciting! I’ll bet they love it!

Pauline: They do! They love going out there in their full beehive outfits and then harvesting honey. They harvest the honey, and they sell that honey within the local community as part of an educational process and to raise funds to fund things they need to continue the project.

Vicki: Wow, We could just go forever on that one. (laughs)

Pauline: I know. (laughs)

Vicki: OK, what’s our third?

Pauline: I kind of just touched base on that. I would just say tap into experts within your community.

Tip 3: Tap into Experts within your Community

We frequently survey our community members about their careers and their passions in order to include them in the learning process. We often have family members come into the classroom to present or work alongside students as they work on their projects.

We look at local businesses or organizations who have expertise in a subject area that we need. We can go visit them onsite to gather knowledge firsthand, or for experts who are further afield, we interview them by phone or by video conferencing.

Connecting students with experts in the field really increases their level of understanding and results in deeper thinking for them.

Vicki: Awesome. Can you think of a recent expert that your students connected with?

Pauline: Oh, we have students in our fourth-grade classrooms who have been working on hydroponic gardening. They had a local expert called Pauline who is a 70-year-old hydroponic expert in our community.

She brought her hydroponic garden to our school and taught the students about how she manages it, how she increases the productivity, how to make sure it runs and functions smoothly, and the things that she does with her harvest afterward.

So she was an amazing expert for our students to learn from.

Vicki: Incredible. OK, what’s our fourth?

Pauline: Oh, I would say teach skills, not just content.

Tip 4: Teach Skills, Not Just Content

If you want students to collaborate, you really need to spend time explicitly teaching them how to communicate, how to be politely critical, how to reach consensus, how to ask questions and synthesize information.

If we want them to learn about high productivity, we need to provide them with challenges and deadlines and teach students the skills they need to hit those deadlines.

I would ask students to conduct a personal skills inventory and ask them to use those inventories to determine who will play specific roles in a team project.

For example, who would be the best project manager? Who would be the best lead engineer or technology manager, etc?

The STEM classroom can often be a noisy and chaotic environment, and by teaching students the skills and asking them to assume specific roles, we empower them to manage themselves.

Vicki: Oh, where did you get your personal skills inventory?

Pauline: We just created it at school. It’s basically just a list of skills broken down by what digital skills have you got, what organizational skills have you got?

Students kind of check on a continuum, on a scale of 1 – 5:

I have great organizational skills.

I have great communication skills.

I am a great problem solver with technology.

I spend a lot of time with technology.

And they use these personal skills inventories to kind of struggle amongst themselves when they’re allocated to a team. They kind of interview each other, based on those personal skills inventories to determine who will get each role in the team.

At the end of a project, they will sit and reflect upon those skills and see in which areas they grew, which areas they still need to work on, and use this information to keep improving on becoming a better team member.

Vicki: Fantastic. What’s our fifth?

Pauline: I would say teach empathy.

Tip 5: Teach Empathy

If we want students to generate solutions to problems, we need them to be able to walk in the shoes of others, in order to fully understand the problem and to develop effective solutions.

I would take time to develop empathetic habits, like cultivating curiosity about others, encouraging kindness. I would teach students about emotions and how to manage them and teach active listening skills. By providing opportunities that help students to become other-focused, then they can become the caring, responsible, global citizens that we want them to be.

Vicki: Oh, that is challenging!

Pauline, as we finish up, can you give us an activity or something you’ve encouraged teachers to do to help build empathy?

Pauline: One of the key skills of empathy, one of the first skills that is outlined by Michele Borba in her book, Unselfie, is to recognize and name emotions.

So we created various quizzes for students, depending on grade level from third through eighth. We created quick quizzes and activities for students to be able to look at images.

So, for example, in third grade, we used different emoticons and asked students to name the emotion that’s portrayed by the emoji.

And all the way through to eighth grade, we showed students photos of just eyes of people and asked them to name the emotion that they thought the picture of the eyes was conveying.

Just by being able to name emotions and accurately be able to give it an actual name, students are way more able to manage their own emotions.

Vicki: This actually hits home a very important topic. A lot of people don’t discuss, which is Non-Verbal Learning Disorders.

I have personal experiences with this. With a child with a Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, one of the things that you teach them is how to recognize emotions. Sometimes they can’t recognize emotions, and it can easily make them a target for both bullying, as well as just feeling misunderstood because they are also giving out mixed signals.

I love that you’re doing that, Pauline. That’s fantastic!

Pauline: Thank you.

Vicki: So teachers, we have five excellent ways to amp up STEM in the middle school.

I love how empathy and some of these things that are in here are not necessarily what some people would call STEM, but they’re a very important part of what we do in STEM.

Please check the Shownotes for all of the links and the resources that we will be sharing, as well as how to connect with Pauline Roberts. She’s a fantastic go-to.

I have no idea, Pauline, how long you and I have known or followed each other’s work, but it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Pauline: It has. And I learn from you every day. Thank you, Vicki,

Vicki: Oh, you’re so sweet. It’s just nice to connect. You know, we all have friends that we kind of connect with, and Pauline is one of those for me.

So let’s amp up STEM in middle school, and I think we can also apply this to other grade levels.

Transcribed by Kymberli Mulford

[email protected]

Pauline Roberts – Bio as submitted

Pauline Roberts is originally from Liverpool, England and has been an educator for nearly three decades. She is currently an Instructional Specialist in Birmingham Public Schools, Michigan.

Twitter: @Pr05bps

Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a “sponsored podcast episode.” The company who sponsored it compensated me via cash payment, gift, or something else of value to include a reference to their product. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I believe will be good for my readers and are from companies I can recommend. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” This company has no impact on the editorial content of the show.

The post Middle School STEAM: 5 Ways to Amp it Up! appeared first on Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis @coolcatteacher helping educators be excellent every day. Meow!

Middle School STEAM: 5 Ways to Amp it Up! published first on http://ift.tt/2jn9f0m

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wilshipley · 7 years ago

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The Bachelor, Season 22, Episode 1-ish

Ok Hulu is making a mockery of the entire idea of episodes this season, since ABC decided to create a bullcrap "Countdown to…" episode out of pure fluff before the actual season stared, which is not the kind of fluffing I'm interested in.

Hope you enjoyed that screenshot because it's now impossible for me to get screen captures of the actual video on any of my devices thanks to DRM. Yay, technology. Surely ABC/Disney is saving billions a year now that I can't post pictures to my stupid tumblr.

"The exciting season premiere of The Bachelor starts…right now!" intones Chris Harrison. I assume this is as opposed to the previous season premiere, which wasn't exciting at all.

MONTAGE: Ari the bachelorette-reject getting into a race car. "Race car" in an anagram so it's the same backwards and forwards, just like Ari. No, not Ari the name, I mean Ari is so dull it'd be the same talking to his face or the back of his head. Ari's also doing real estate now and drives a very expensive Mercedes on camera.

FLASHBACK: Five years ago, when Ari got shot down by Emily, the world's most boring woman. This had to be especially galling because her fiancé was a racecar driver who died in a plane crash, and she was still like, "Look, I think I prefer the dead race car driver to this live one."

"I started falling for Emily…after our first date," Ari voiceovers nigh-tautologically. (He did NOT fall for her before he met her, so that's good.) We review his whirlwind _no_mance with Emily, ending in her dumping him on a bench. Ari was so sad, he thought for sure he'd found the extremely boring woman of his dreams and they'd have extremely boring children. Imagine being so boring that even Emily thinks you're dull. _shudder_

CUT TO: Ari and Emily being interviewed on "After the Rose."

In flashback Chris explains how Ari flew to Charlotte after the previous season ended and left his journal on Emily's doorstep…which she never read. Wait…what? That's super creepy. I mean, why'd he leave it on her doorstep? Like, he must have asked to see her, and gotten shot down. Then he was like, shit, I flew this whole way…I know, I'll just leave my journal on her doorstep, like I'm in sixth grade! That seems totally sane. Ari's whole schtick is that he's mentally 10 years old.

Ari gets "advice" from success-story couple Sean and Katherine, which has become an annual tradition for the show. "Look, this couple had an actual kid!," the producers are telling us, "Not every relationship fostered from a lack of sleep, jealousy, booze, and national humiliation has failed!"

—

EXTERIOR: mansion, at night

Chris explains how great Ari is, ending with "arguably the best kisser we've ever had on the show." Well, that's awkward. How would Chris know this?

—

Let's meet some of the women!

Chelsea is an ombre blonde (thanks to @DanaSchwartzzz for the term and the joke I'm totes stealing) who's a real estate assistant and single mom. "It's not always easy, and it's not always fun." Well, this has completely changed my view of single parenting, thanks for tearing down our preconceptions on what we had all assumed was the easiest job ever.

Caroline is a realtor and I'm already sensing a theme here. She's not an ombre blonde so a bit of a curve-ball here. She brags she's really good at her job and we see her wearing a completely bizarre evening mini-dress with those slits in the side that make everyone look fat (she's not actually fat!) while selling a house to a couple at noon. She's excited the Bachelor is Ari because she "grew up around cars" and news flash it's America we all grew up "around" cars, they're f'ing everywhere.

Maquel (you can't make these names up) is an omber blonde who takes wedding photos. She likes standing at the end of piers and looking thoughtfully down at the water.

Nysha is an orthopedic nurse and is not an ombre blonde! In fact she's dark-skinned and gorgeous. She says she loves dealing with gunshot wounds which is not something I would have thought orthopedic nurses dealt with much but hey she's the nurse I'm gonna trust her. Her philosophy is "the more blood the better for me" which is not necessarily the motto I want in my nurse? We see her feeding ducks and I'm frankly worried for them. She says she's ready to "jump out of the plane again" as a metaphor for her willingness to be with Ari and we can all agree it's good Ari didn't use this simile with Emily.

Tia is brunette with blonde streaks and I'm not sure if that counts. She's a physical therapist and her southern accent is so thick she probably doesn't butter her english muffins in the morning she just talks at them. She's friends with Raven, the "Bachelor In Paradise" regular who's maybe most famous for seeming kinda sane. We see Raven telling Tia, "You're very lackable, so I can't see someone not liking you." That's what I heard anyhow. Like every contestant, Tia wants to fall "head-over-heels in love" which is ironic because I'm pretty sure the dudes all want the ladies heels-over-head.

Kendall is an ombre blonde "creative director" which could describe just about any job? She apparently has something to do with taxidermy. She's cute as a button and has "never had a relationship over a year" so right there she's my perfect woman. We see her playing ukulele in a tree serenading a stuffed dead seal because did I mention she's quirky AF, ya'll? She's wearing one of those tops where it's off the shoulders but then there are little sleeve things that may or may not be attached to the main section? I wish I knew the name of those tops, I just love 'em.

Bekah is perky AF and not an ombre blonde. She's a nanny and likes rock-climbing and being perky. Seriously did I mention she's perky? The camera loves Bekah and we'll be seeing a LOT of her.

Marikh is an Indian restaurant co-owner (so not blonde). We hear her mom telling her she'd like to be a grandma so way to tear down those stereotypes, Marikh's mom. "I hope he's ready for my spice," she says which, like, is that a real expression? It seems awkward. How about: "I hope he can handle my flavah!"

Krystal in an ombre blonde fitness coach. She has "cut the first week" written all over her. She volunteers for the homeless because her little brother is on the streets and great now I'M THE OGRE FOR MAKING FUN OF HER. She says she's always diving into things and "it's time to focus on myself" which I don't feel makes much sense in the context of going on a dating show?

—

INTERIOR: limo at night, women are boozing it up.

PAUSE TAPE: I haven't even watched this scene yet but here's what'll happen: they're going to talk about it being Ari and each describe how they really want him because he's dreamy and shit and one of them will say something that seems kinda creepy and awkward.

UNPAUSE: Shots of the gals enthusing about Ari in the limos. I dunno if the woman yelling and clapping "We're about to meet the Bachelor!" inside the limo qualifies as creepy but it seems awkward so I'm giving myself partial points. (Nobody said he was dreamy.)

EXTERIOR: mansion at night

Ari's limo arrives and Chris Harrison earns his paycheck by broing down with the Bachelor. Ari says he's nervous. "You're fine going 200 miles around a racetrack, but this makes you nervous?" I don't think distances are what make people nervous about racing, Chris. I mean, I drove like 200 miles last weekend so I guess I'm Evel Knievel up in this joint.

Chris notes that it's been a while that Ari's been on the bench, which, yah, I mean if you're pulling Bachelors from five years ago it doesn't speak super highly of the recent contestants.

INTERIOR: limo at night, pulling up

"Oh my god what a stud." "He is SO handsome." "ARI!" Ok I feel vindicated.

EXTERIOR: mansion

Caroline (realtor) gets out first. She makes a realty joke which isn't a genre of humor known for being funny.

Chelsea (single mom) is speaking slowly and seems high AF. "She's interesting," Ari says the way you might say, "Well, he's special."

Kendall my quirky wife-to-be is up. "She is so nervous," says Ari.

Seinne — we haven't met her — in real estate, also, but not a blonde. She gives Ari elephant cufflinks which seems kinda big for a first encounter but elephants are her favorite animal(!) and they never forget. "Don't forget to find me inside," she says which was long way to go for a pretty dadly joke.

Tia sounds exactly like Raven and looks enough like her that I'll just pretend she is kinda Raven. She's from "Weiner, Arkansas" and she gives Ari a tiny plastic penis to remember her by. That's so kinda-Raven! "Tell me you do not already have a little wiener." ("Well, it IS kinda cold out," Ari says in my head.) "Keep up with that," kinda-Raven says mysteriously as she walks away and he slowly turns his new penis over in his hands.

QUICK CUTS: women think Ari is cute and stuff.

Bibiana is a Latina executive assistant. She seems authentic and sweet so I'm guessing it's her last night here.

Bri is a non-blonde sports reporter and she throws him a literal softball but doesn't make any dad puns about it on camera so she really…

(•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

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…missed the ball.

Jenny is an ombre blonde graphic designer and I initially typed her name as "Jenni" because everyone else has stupid spellings so I just started assuming.

Brittane J. is a marketing manager and a woman of color, her gimmick is a bumper sticker on his butt.

Jacqueline is a non-blonde research coördinator who looks interesting and I'll add that umlaut until the day I die.

Krystal the fitness coach gets out of the limo and is clearly a hot mess, her gimmick is a gratefulness exercise.

Nysha the vampire nurse totters out in a dress so revealing they blur out her side-boob.

Valerie the not-blonde server gets a twirl.

QUICK CUTS: women talk about how many women there are, how they're all pretty.

Bekah pulls up in a vintage ('72?) red convertible Mustang. Bekah's too perky for this show. She says, "I may be young, but I can still appreciate something classic," because Ari's like totes an old at 36. So far we've had women mock his dick size and his age and I feel like maybe this isn't the best approach but what do I know I'm single.

QUICK CUTS: women talk about Bekah's entrance, one says it's a '65 Mustang so I'm way off. kinda-Raven says she herself got a little wiener watching Bekah come in. Me too, kinda-Raven. Me tooooo. Hot mess opines to her crew "that cherry red looks better on your lips, bitch," which, like, I don't think Hot Mess knows how insults work. That was just a compliment with the word "bitch" added. Like, "You're sure the most interesting woman here, bitch."

30 minutes down, 53 to go.

—

INSIDE: Hot Mess says, "My concern is he has a lot of girls to choose from tonight," which makes me think maybe she didn't read the large print on her contract?

ANOTHER LIMO: Jenna the social media manager is an omber blonde who flaps her arms around a LOT when she talks. Like a LOT a lot.

Jessica is an ombre blonde television host and looks like she works for Fox News. 'nuff said. Her gimmick is giving him a rock, like Charlie Brown? At least it's not a penis.

Marikh (Indian restaurateur / potential future wife for me) says she "uses a lot of spices but I could still use some salt and pepper in my life." Again with the picking on his age. Is this a good approach? I mean, he's not Roy Moore.

Olivia the marketing associate is a woman of color and we literally don't hear her say anything to Ari after the intro because they cut away to various white women dubbed over her about how there are too many other pretty women there and I mean is this a perfect metaphor for America or what.

Becca K. is a non-blonde publicist and her gimmick is telling Ari to get down on a knee and propose to her which, I dunno, maybe is a bit quick? Warning flag on the field.

ANOTHER GODDAM LIMO: the word from inside is Ari is handsome, surprisingly.

Lauren S. is an omber blonde social media manager and we've seen a lot of media related women now. I mean what happened to dental assistants? Back in my day…

Lauren J. is an omber blonde "recent masters graduate" and I'm guessing she got an English degree because, you know: unemployed. Her gimmick is giving him mardi gras beads and she'll be cut tonight.

Lauren B. is an omber blonde tech salesperson and the producers clearly are having fun with the women in this limo.

Lauren G. is a executive recruiter BUT a woman of color instead of a blonde and WOW the variety of Laurens is just overwhelming my senses!

CONFESSIONAL: Hot Mess confessionals, "Four Laurens walk into a room — sorry, terrible ending for a joke — and none of them get chosen." You can actually see her fangs come out in this shot.

YET ANOTHER GODDAM LIMO: Ashley is a brunette but she's another real estate agent so we get partial points. Her gimmick is she's carrying a finishing flag and she says, "I hope you finish first," and it's the first time I've heard a woman say this. Ari says with absolutely no emotion: "i love the race car jokes they crack me up" and you can tell when someone really loves a joke when they explain with a dead face that they did.

Brittany T. is a tech recruiter and a woman of color and I have no idea if we've seen this combo before it's all a blur of Laurens and recruiters and real estate agents and blondes. Her gimmick was speaking Dutch poorly.

Amber the _a_mber blonde owns a spray-tan company and her gimmick is cussing at him? I dunno what they beeped.

Ali is an omber blonde personal stylist and she asks Ari to smell her to see if she stinks. She calls it a "pit stop," and she won't be here in the morning.

We're scraping the barrel here folks.

Annaliese is an omber blonde event designer and I'm not going to mock her because she lives in San Francisco so I've got a shot here, folks! A real shot! Her gimmick is she's wearing a mask and won't take it off. Yah, that worked great for the last guy who tried it. I wish I could screencap perky Bekah's eyeroll at Annaliese but: DRM. Just imagine the perkiest eyeroll in the world.

There's a big overproduced bit where Maquel pulls up as the passenger in a two-seater(!) "Formula 1" car that was driven all of fifty feet and it's dumb. We later see Ari get behind the wheel of the "Formula 1" car and rev the engine just like a big boy!

CONFESSIONAL: Hot Mess says, "She was one of the last, and maybe that's her position." Holy cow the claws are out on crazy.

—

QUICK CUTS: Ari is cute. Perky Bekah notes Ari has a "full head of hair." I would like to point out I also have hair. CALL ME, BEKAH!

Chris Harrison sums up that we have 29 beautiful women. Surprise woman coming? Or surprise dropout woman?

Ari enters the mansion. He toasts his menagerie. Hot Mess grabs him immediately for her one-on-one. Other women are shocked, SHOCKED that Hot Mess would be so selfish.

Race car woman swoops in and takes Ari from Hot Mess. She has now made an enemy for life. Hot Mess tells the others how much Racecarette sucks. Perky Bekah tells us how Hot Mess is kinda cray cray. Racecarette also seems horrrrrrible. Like, Kardashian bad. Also at some point she complains about how she was convinced she was "going to die" as she was driven 10mph for 50 feet down the driveway of a mansion in that "Formula 1" car. So brave. So, so brave.

Ari is getting therapy from a non-blonde in a red dress who seems like she's actually really smart and there's no way she'll last. Brains != longevity on this show.

Three of the women of color are talking about dating white guys which is really interesting since this show used to be lily white and never acknowledge race. The producers seem to prod most of these questions out of the contestants—I honestly admire how they've tried to make the whole show more diverse MODULO THE OMBRE BLONDES AND WOMEN NAMED LAUREN I mean jesus baby steps people. Anyhow they agree basically that they'd date a white dude if he's fine enough and let's face it this is why racism will die out — we be horny.

Ari races a Brittany T. in miniature cars and she get a kiss reward. I'm sad none of the other women make a joke about playing the race car(d). Opinions are had on her kiss! Was there tongue? No, because Brittany has class. Hot Mess isn't having it, surprisingly.

—

We come back from break and free-spirited, quirky Kendall is playing her Uke for Ari. Honestly I'd have a hard time picking between Perky and Quirky here. She's written a custom song for him which is impressive but I myself would have played "Remember me! Until you're in my arms again, remember me!" because there's no way Ari would pick up on it being from Coco. (Although I'm guessing he's seen Cars dozens of times.)

CONFESSIONAL: The Mask points out that in real life if 29 women were competing for the same dude at a bar they'd just pick another dude. First time I've seen that acknowledged on this show. We see women try different strategies to get time, including feeding him (pizza, fruit). Flappy Jenna rubs his feet (seems…intimate for a 29-on-one first date?), he opines that's she kinda "wild" which I think means "yikes." "I couldn't understand what she really did…like, does she do social media, does she own a pedicure shop?" Wow she is so cut. Unless they keep her around for the drama, wait what am I saying of course they'll let her flap away for a few more episodes.

Annaliese takes her mask off with Ari. He asks if she goes by Anna and she flatly says, "I'm not a nickname person," and OMG red flags already. Wonder how she feels about metaphors? Similes? Potential land-mines abound here. She tells him her last relationship lacked passion which translates to: she is GOOD 2 GO.

QUICK CUTS: Talk about the first impression rose coming.

Becca K. tells Ari hopefully his mock proposal to her was the "first and last time" so I guess she's saying she doesn't want him to get married ever?

QUICK CUTS: First impression rose is set down, more talk about it. "Ok this is for real," etc, etc.

—

There's a rush of women trying to talk to Ari now that the rose has been thrown down and honestly the women are being really sweet to each other about it. Some producer failed to fuel their rage or something? Someone's fired.

Spray-tan lady tells Ari she owns a spray-tan place (again) and pretty much that's all we've heard her say on the show ever so she seems PRETTY one-dimensional at this point. Wait, I call a do-over on that one. She seems PRETTY monotone at this point. (Get it? Spray-tan? Monotone?)

Hot Mess decides to take a second turn in all this chaos because WE NEED THE DRAMA C'MON PEOPLE WE'RE LOSING THE DARK. The producers spend a bunch of time with her voiceover confessional of how she doesn't care if she steps on toes and there's like a five-minute sequence watching Hot Mess walk towards him on the couch with another woman. He ends up kissing Hot Mess several times with tongue ick don't put your tongue in crazy.

Hot Mess goes back and tells the women, "OMG I just met Ari for the second time." Their faces say it all: how can you meet someone twice? why would you steal another turn? why are you bragging about it to us? "He's still the same charming person." Well it's nice to hear that time hasn't changed him.

Ari tells kinda-Raven "Full disclosure I am a total nerd," and she touches her heart, "same," and he continues, "I do love corny jokes." I just want to smack them both. Stop stealing my culture you jerks liking corny jokes is NOT nerdy. Being nerdy is staying up until 3am trying to get an extra two cycles shaved off your latest alchemic machine in Opus Magnum then tweeting about it.

Ari is FINALLY talking to Perky Bekah, on a sheepskin flung over the back seat of the Mustang and jesus the producers love her. I mean, we all do, really. The other women had to jostle each other for time but they've set up this whole tableau for Perky Bekah. P.B. asks him to "name three things that make [him] excited to be alive" and his #1 answer is actually "excitement" because he's ten. P.B. calls him on the redundancy and shifts in her seat, "'Excitement' makes you excited to be alive?" she says like Perry Mason. He says, "Well yah…" and she actually laughs openly at him. "I mean…adrenaline? Adrenaline I guess, you know." He didn't study for this quiz and he's sweatin’. He didn't know there'd be a test! "Other thing would be like, pizza." Oh Ari. So…you like race cars and pizza. Like, say, a ten-year-old?

Bekah's shoulder game is on fleek and she's waaaay too good for him but it'll take her like 5 episodes to realize this and bail. And I'll be here for you, Bekah.

Ari picks up the first impression rose and Bekah jumps up and is all, "Let's go see!" and encourages other girls to follow after her to find out where it's going. She's got the right attitude to survive this show. Bekah is SHOCKED to find out it's Hot Mess getting it and so are we kinda except honestly this is just producers creating drama because there's no way she made that good of an impression on him even with her tongue. If they gave it to one of the actually interesting women there'd be no DRAMA, but like with pro wrestling you gotta let the evil one win the first couple rounds.

CONFESSIONAL: Hot Mess says, "I'm not competitive by nature…" and that's all we really need to say here.

Chris Harrison appears and clinks his glass, because his job is REALLY HARD ya'll. It's rose ceremony time!

QUICK CUTS: Women don't want to go home tonight. They also don't know who'll be cut! These and other revelations.

—

The sun is rising over the mansion. Twenty-nine women line up to be judged by a mediocre man-child who is reasonably handsome but otherwise unremarkable.

Ari gives a speech about how he has to send some women home, but no hard feelings, k?

🌹 Becca K. — mock proposal brunette. 🌹 Marikh — indian food. Kendall — quirky AF. 🌹 Lauren G. — executive recruiter, not "Regulate" singer. 🌹 Krystal fitness makes it past week one I was wrong and honestly what was I thinking of course the ones they did profiles on survive the first week. 🌹 Perky Bekah, not like there was any doubt. 🌹 Lauren S. — social media Lauren. 🌹 Seinne - real estate. 🌹 Caroline - first realtor with interesting daytime fashion choices. 🌹 Brittany T. — tech recruiter, not to be confused with the executive recruiter, who is a Lauren not a Brittany.

VOICEOVER: while roses are being handed out we hear Bibiana saying how much she wants to be picked but she's nervous.

🌹 Bibiana is finally called. PHEW we were worried! 🌹 Annaliese "DO NOT call me Anna." Never bet against crazy! 🌹 Flappy Jenna — because TV loves crazy. 🌹 Valerie - red wash brunette server who's made among the more sane comments this show. 🌹 Jacqueline — the research coördinator in the red dress who I liked earlier because she seemed smart. 🌹 Jenny — graphic designer, but don't be fooled by the rocks that she got.

🌹 Lauren B. — tech sales person and that only leaves 🙅 Lauren J. without a rose (as predicted!) and can you imagine being the worst of all the Laurens on The Bachelor? Ouch. 🌹 Ashley real estate — this is the first time I've seen this show where they've been able to say "Ashley" without adding a last initial.

CONFESSIONAL: Racecarette tells us with some shock that she is actually worried she might not get a rose. (Did I am not a fan of her at all?) "How terrible would that be if I was expecting something and I did not get it." My god. Can you even imagine not getting something, when you wanted it? That's just not fair! Someone should invent a word just for such a feeling. Consider me shook.

🌹 kinda-Raven - I just noticed she has a tattoo on her left arm I think they've been trying to hide it.

Chris Harrison re-appears, as he is the only one with the counting skills to announce: ONE ROSE REMAINING.

QUICK CUTS: women don't want to be cut.

🌹 Maquel — that's Racecarette so it turns out she'll never have to experience what it's like to want something and not get it. God bless us one and all.

Ari says goodbye to the women who didn't get roses. At this point they've been up all night and it's light out and they're clearly all frazzled beyond reason. Some are crying and let's be honest if you kept me up all night drinking and judging me I'd be crying no matter what.

Amber the spray-tan lady cries on camera, which is like catnip to the producers, and they overlay that with footage of Ari toasting his remaining horde. Ari intones "I'm so happy I have an amazing group of women in front of me." I'm reminded that I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy, but clearly Ari chose differently.

Ari tells the women this week is going to be a little bit different, because he's in the driver's seat. Another race car joke! Will they ever get old?

Spoilers: yes.

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