#I mostly feel bad for my dogs bc I haven’t been able to take them for their walks…

[velvetineblue]

well... it took 3 yrs, but I finally caught IT. the thing. i'm not going to say it by name because it might be triggering for some, but tl;dr: am sick. it hasn't hit me that hard, i'm fine, but soo tired all the time. so I’ve been spending most of my time watching scary movies, video essays, and sleeping… lots of sleeping! but once I’m recovered, I think I’ll be refreshed and inspired and ready to tackle the asks and drafts I owe!!! I know some of them are OLDDD, i'm so sorry asjjaj my energy has been very inconsistent the past few weeks... but feel free to poke me on discord if you need me or want to chat, since I probably won't be checking Tumblr very much until then : )

[transhoverfish]

What are everyone's "abilities" in Survivors? Ryley has good hearing and Milo glows but what do the others have?

!!! YOU HAVE ASKED ME ABOUT MY AU !!! THE FLOODGATES OF YELLING HAVE OPENED!!

OK SO. as u mentioned ryley has good hearing and milo glows. basically,

ryley = good hearing

milo = glowy boy

emily = electric detection (cooler than i describe rn my vocabulary is small)

danby = like emily's but reverse. controls electromagnetic things

roman = night vision

jochi = the most superpower like one, he got quick regeneration.

avery = telepathy!

bart = also kind of telepathy but more like future telepathy. he has future vision.

and i. never thought of one for ozzy actually and at this point i have no idea what to give them that wouldn't have been brought up prior so. u know genetics are weird! they just dont have anything ig. nobody look at me LABDKABDLABD

AND ALSO paul and marg have powers! paul got that peeper enzyme carrier thing, and marg got the very funny power of feeling others emotions. yes that includes the fish. yes this is one of the primary reasons she didnt kill paul over a decade of dealing w him. yes she hates it.

and the vesper haven't been sick long enough to develop anything! or at least thats what im going with bc i havent thought of anything for them yet 😔

AND NOW: LONGER EXPLANATIONS. IM GONNA GET CARRIED AWAY SO ITS UNDER A READ-MORE.

first off on the list: bart! so bart.. kinda has futuristic visions?? but the things he sees are not set in the stone,, as in if he dreams about smth (a lot like ryley can!) it is possible to change those events! most of these visions/telepathy type stuff were bc of the emperor and warpers, and also al-an! once the sea emp died and the warpers all calmed down his powers kind of go away a bit. i think i wrote al-an sort of mentioning it in one chap of awa?? but its only kind of implied. so he has rlly similar powers to avery except he can't tell what others are thinking and he can only kind of tell how his closest friends r feeling. so right now bart pretty much doesn't have powers! he can communicate w the warpers and sea emps much easier than the others tho (he's the only one that can talk to warpers! im not sure he'd get along w them after being hunted down by them for like 12 years though KABDLSBRLSHD)

avery has telepathy! this is because when he first shows up he jokes about having telepathy and i was like "haha. WAIT." and then he got telepathy! i realize its a bad idea to not come up with their powers until as im writing but uhhh well. i never said i was a fantastic writer who's smart. KANROSHROSBF.

he also kind of had marg's empathy ability but wayyy dialed back. he can only tell how other humans are feeling and he can only vaguely understand it as opposed to feeling the emotions himself like marg does. so he can kind of tell how others are feeling and he can tell what theyre thinking about! unless of course for plot convince he can't. strong emotions, especially strong negative emotions (ie. fear) can overwhelm him and makes his powers stop working. and if someone is convinced they're right then he wont b able to tell they're lying/hiding something! yay plot convenience!!

roman has night vision. i have no way of making this sound cool he just straight up can see really well in the dark. like a cat. most of the powers were based off where they originally landed and what would help them in that area! and roman landed in the sparse reef, which is so dark all the time i cry thinking about it. so he has night vision! his poor eyesight is probably all kinds of fucked up now tho.

jochi has regeneration abilities! now i know this might sound a bit much but he just heals from cuts and stuff faster and like. he bones heal fast. and he's more likely to survive smth that might usually kill someone, but its like a 10% higher chance of living nothing too much. he doesn't rlly get scars as much as the others, and its healed his old ones a bit more! this is by far the most unrealistic power of them all, but ya know its alien fish planet game who cares. basically bc his life support systems failed his spine got all fucked up and he got infected faster bc he was barely alive for the first few days and spent a lot of time w bart who was looking after him. power helped fix his back, but he still has a rlly bad limp and pretty much constant pain. big mood there khasar 😔✊

emily can detect electromagnetic waves! works best underwater. kind of like ryley's, but instead of hearing noises she can only hear anything electric, like vehicles or ampeels or heartbeats. gets all fucked up during thunderstorms though sadly. she's the only other one that can kind of hear warpers and can tell when ones about to warp around but she cant actually talk back to them. pretty sick if u ask me tho.

danby has p similar powers to her bc ampeels also spawn in the bulb zone. except he can sense them at a much smaller distance, cant hear warpers, and can control the waves around him! mostly just his own tho. so like, he can quiet his heartbeat or make it stop all together. scary power that he does not know how to control. uh oh. but he can also control other creatures a bit! he's very good at hiding bc of this, which is nice bc he loves to hide from scary things. very big mood once again.

milo is glowing powers! looks a lot like the transparency of a ghost levi or a crabsquid, although he isn't as see through as them. you can def make out like veins but not bones or organs. his powers are activated by touch, the more force behind will create more glow and more transparency! a poke = goes away within a few seconds, a slap = stays for a minute or so. instead of bruises, he just glows until the bruise would normally go away. he's basically a living glowstick. i have another joke for this but i cannot physically convince myself to type it bc its some shit emily would say to him and i cannot embarrass him like that LABDLABDKABAKD

andd ryley's super hearing! can hear basically everything within a mile radius at all times. im bad at math and i don't know the metric system but i think that's like around 1k meters. wait does the metric system use mile already. no. ONCE AGAIN NEVER SAID I WAS SMART.

OK ANYWAYS back on track! this means he can hear about half of the crater at all times. he's gotten p good at blocking out background noise and anything far away. typically only hears everything within like 300 meters of himself. so when he does get back to just hearing everything its like. u ever take out headphones in a busy place and everything kinda hurts for a few seconds bc its so much noise. yeah like that but 500x worse. he's able to concentrate on specific areas within this 1 mile field but if its far away it fucks him up good for a lil while. sorry ryley :(

and then the other two degasi! as mentioned before, paul can carry enzyme like the peepers, but he also can kind of make some himself! only small amounts and it works a bit less than the peeper enzyme does. he does not have to cough it up though thankfully it just like. idk how to describe this idea it can just kind of leave through his skin?? he has like no control over his power at all it just kind does its own thing and he deals w it. this is primarily how he and marg survive for so long w/o dying to kharra!

and finally marguerit! highly empathetic abilities that allow her to feel the emotions of anything around her! i thought it would be funny as hell to give MARGUERIT of all ppl Big Emotion Disease. this is a big reason why she has had yet to murder paul and why she's a lot less murderer like in the au. its hard to kill someone if you. you know. can feel exactly what they are. probably the reason she adopted Dog Bart/Legally Preston Emotionally Not. saw sad puppy and felt too bad to leave him. like paul, she has basically no control over it and is one of the reasons she does NOT want to go back to the survivors base and be around so many other ppl, she'd be feeling like, 13 ppl's emotions at one time. all these powers have fucked up drawbacks dont they??

once again sam, robin, jeff, maxim, and ozzy are (for now at least) not gonna have any powers! mutations are weird and ozzy just didn't get anything, and the vesper haven't been sick long enough for any yet!

OK THATS ALL. HOLY SHIT SORRY FOR YELLING FOR 15 MINUTES. GOT CARRIED AWAY. hopefully that explains everything tho OABEOABROANRJS OK BYE MY PHONE IS ALMOST DEAD

[gabrielitas]

phew it's good to know i'm boy the only one super behind lmao

alright answering questions and asking some more because i have a funny little group of questions that mean nothing but i like to ask

alright so i do bias soonyoung 🙄🙄 didn't think you'd guess so early. i also like seokmin and minghao 🥴🤤 aLSO, WHY HAS SEUNGCHEOL BEEN LOOKING SO CUTE RECENTLY I CANT HANDLE 😩😩

outside of kpop i may or may not have had an emo phase (read: fall out boy, panic!at the disco, my chemical romance). i may or may not still listen emo music. i also LOVE CONAN GRAYYY. idk if he's still indie but i love indie too! probably one of my favorite genres though is classical (instrumental if you wanna get technical 🙄 been yelled at bc cLaSsiCaL iS a TiMe PeRiOd)

the best of us had emo phases ☝️ mine is a little longer lasting three years in middle school. due to this, fall out boy is one of my favorite artists! i’m also a big tchaikovsky fan, and i like doja cat a lot too!

in response to your question about 1518 strasbourg, this is when and where the dancing plague of 1518 happened dnsbsbshja. it's where the phrase "dance till you die" originated lmao. i think it'd be funny to witness this/take part in it. aside from that, id probably fuck with california in 1849 because the gold rush🧎‍♀️, france in the 1880s, or america in the 1980/1990s! i’m a history nerd courtesy of my father, so i choose all my time periods based off some of my favorite historical events! 1880s for architecture mostly, gold rush because lawlessness and the "wild west", and the 80s for the cold war :)

the night is beautiful if you take the time to live it. for me, my favorite time across the board is lunch time-12:00 ish to 3:00 just because the sun is highest and i feel happiest! i like the night when i go out on bike rides because i feel alive/ like i’m not wasting my teen years

GIRL IM NORTHEAST US TOO DJNSBSBSVABWB #goals lmao

i have 1 sister and she's super annoying🙄 i also have 2 cats and a dog (i consider them my siblings)

the most recent show i binged and finished was criminal minds, and i tried supernatural but it's just so bad i cant get past season 11. i’m working on hannibal right now!

the last book i really enjoyed was the summer i turned pretty! i’m a sucker for romance books 😩

questions i've got:

- do you have any siblings or pets?

- do you play any instruments?

- what's your favorite font?

- how many pillows and stuffed animals do you sleep with? (i have too many to count)

- would you rather live in an urban, suburban, or rural setting?

I FRIKIN KNEW U BIASED SOONYOUNG UR VIBES R SO HORANGHE I COULD JUST TELL and i gotta say ur the second person who’s had both minghao and soonyoung on ur bias list and i just find that so funny cuz they’re polar opposites to me (also u have impeccable taste with minghao that boy is my ult and has my whole heart) AND OMG RIGHT??? seungcheol needs to *CHILL*😤

omg yes conan gray😫 this is gonna sound whiny but heather was one of my favorite songs of his before it became a tiktok trend💅

and yes the best of us *did* have emo phases, mine lasted from late 8th grade into the first half of freshman year, so it was kinda short lived but it still happened lol

also, seeing tchaikovsky and doja cat next to each other in a sentence is so funny (but in a weird way i get it lol) i’m not the *biggest* classical/instrumental fan, but i have def used it as study music when songs with lyrics r just too distracting. back to doja tho!! have u listened to her new album?? do u have a fav song off of it? (i haven’t listened to all of it but i do have a couple that i rlly like)

omg how did i not recognize that u were talking abt the dancing plague!!!!!🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ idk if u watch buzzfeed unsolved or watcher but they have a series called puppet history and the episode on the dancing plague is one of my favorites! also omg yes another history nerd who knows abt history b/c of her dad!!!! i’m prob most knowledgeable abt wwii, the civil rights movement in the us, and the spanish civil war cuz those r my dads main interests and i was sat down in front of documentaries abt those topics at the age of like, 3 lol. and wanting to experience the wild west is such a perfect and iconic era to want to live in, and wanting to experience the cold war is so funny (b/c i’m sure the ppl who were living it without knowing the ending like us felt the exact opposite lol)

and yes the night is so beautiful when u just give it ur attention. like, on my birthday it was raining and i didn’t have school the next day (and my birthdays i’m may so it was pretty warm) so i just went outside at like, midnight ish and listened to the rain and crocheted and it was truly so nice 😫 also omg last year when covid had us all at home i went for a bike ride almost every day after school to just get out of my room and it was so nice!! it was my bike from when i was like, 12 but i’m 4’11 so i was still able to ride it without a problem lsnsksns

and yes pets r absolutely siblings, my cat prob acts more like s typical sibling than my two younger siblings do lsnsksns (srsly tho my cat is an asshole she fucked up my leg the other day cuz i gave her food late smh)

omg hun season 11?? how many seasons of that goddamn show r there??? i couldn’t get past episode 1😭 (i rlly only started watching it b/c of dean from gilmore girls sksnksns) the show i’m currently bingeing rn tho is downton abbey, as i’m sure u can tell from how much downton shit u had to scroll past to find my answer to ur last ask alskkskjsjs (i’m so so sorry 😭)

ooo that sounds like a rlly good book title, what was it abt? i just finished a secret history (which FUCKED ME UP MY GOD THERES A LOT OF MURDER) and i’m currently working on the sequel to my name is asher lev by chaim potok (who is one of my fav jewish/classic literature authors and also just a rlly good author in general)

for ur questions:

-yes i do have siblings! two younger (one four and a half years younger and one a little over nine years younger than me so i’m the oldest by quite a bit lol) and i do have a pet! my cat sweetie who is an asshole who i love very much

-i took piano for like a year in second grade but then third grade happened and i was rlly bad at math so my parents switched from paying for piano lessons to paying for math tutoring lessons and i now remember literally nothing from piano lessons sksnksns

-i,,, dont think i have a favorite font? i do like to write in cursive and have a collection of calligraphy pens that i bust out on special occasions so there’s that i guess lol

-ok i have two normal pillows, one chair/armrest/pillow thing (idk if that makes sense but that’s the only way i know how to describe it sksnksns), a body pillow, and a single stuffed bear that live on my bed

-ooo so this is difficult for me cuz i technically live in a suburb but we’re *right next* to a major city in my state (like i’m a 20ish min car ride from my states baseball stadium and a 20 min walk to the college of the major city) so this has kinda made me rlly like both? like, i like the quiet of the suburbs but i cant handle not being able to walk to the closest boba shop or movie theatre or bookshop but i also don’t rlly love the noise and lights that there are in the city at night. so idk sksnksns

what do u like more tho? the city or the suburbs? also since u asked the question i’m assuming u have a fav form and i’m now rlly interested in finding out what it is lol

goodnight!❤️ (or good morning if ur seeing this in the morning since i’m answering this at midnight lol)

[dragonheart-swtor]

👹 + 💥 + ☀️ + 🍏 + 💧 + 🔮 + 🌸 + 💗 for zashiil? :D

Send me character asks!

Thanks for the ask!! Don’t mind pickin a lot of them, huh? xD

👹 How does you OC act around different people and how does their personality change to match the environment they’re in? How do they act with: friends, family, strangers, children or their lover(s)?

At baseline, Zashiil���s kind of the asshole with a heart of gold - tries to stay emotionally distant and push people away by being mean/snarky, but ultimately always tries to do the right thing when push comes to shove. She’ll snipe at you for bothering her or being annoying, but she’ll also be the first one to your defense when the blaster fire starts.

She is, to everyone’s surprise sometimes including her own, capable of being at least somewhat diplomatic when the situation calls for it - at least, enough so that she managed to talk the Rift Alliance around and all that. (It was a bit of a close thing, but she managed.) Being very good at sensing others’ thoughts and emotions helps - she’s a fair hand at modulating just how caustic she is to the situation and the other person’s mental state, although she’s never exactly the perfect diplomat.

The softest she gets, as it turns out, is when someone reminds her a bit too much of her younger self - the most noticeable case of that being Nadia after her father’s death. Despite herself, Zashiil sees someone whose emotions are very similar to her own worst moments and can’t help but want to reach out and be the comfort she didn’t have. She’s not the greatest at actually talking people through their emotions, but she is good at listening and being a steady, quiet presence to anchor someone.

💥 Are there any emotions your OC doesn’t know how to deal with, doesn’t understand or hates having to feel? Any reason behind this?

Is “all of them” cheating? /e (You know how Jedi can get.)

She doesn’t like how angry she gets sometimes, mostly because she’s sharply aware that it has the capability to make her teeter toward the dark side, and again, Jedi. Doesn’t make it any less present, and she actually copes with it fairly well all things considered, but she doesn’t like it.

What she really doesn’t handle well is what that anger can sometimes be trying to hide - vulnerability, or, worse, helplessness. Feeling helpless and lost is the worst feeling in the world for Zashiil, and she’ll do almost anything to avoid it - unfortunately, sometimes including charging into a situation she really shouldn’t be charging into. It reminds her too much of her past - of being a slave child who was always helpless and at the mercy of others.

☀️ How well does your OC take care of themself? Do they tend to put others before their own wellbeing and if so how often? What is their favourite way to pamper themself?

...ehh? She doesn’t exactly deny herself self-care, but she’s not the best at it either - she kind of just does what she needs to to keep herself running at peak capacity and very little else. Being told to take a few days off and “pamper herself” makes her nervous; she doesn’t like being off her feet and out of the action for long. (She’s not above a half-hour shower or overindulging on sweets now and then, though.)

🍏 When your OC says “I had a bad day” what does that tend to mean? Is it really as bad as they’re saying or are they being a bit dramatic?

Usually it means she kept trying to do things and things kept going wrong and making her fail, which is incredibly frustrating for her after a while. She’s not quiet about her complaints, but she’s not overdramatic either.

💧 What is something from your OC’s past they’re the most ashamed of and why? What is something they’re really proud of? And lastly what is something in their past that could make them shake with dread?

Dread is easy - put her so much as in the same room as a shock collar/cuffs and she gets twitchy. Pride is harder, but I honestly think she is proud of what she accomplished with the Rift Alliance, considering that diplomacy isn’t exactly her favorite thing in the world.

Shame... shame is the hardest, but I think in her darkest moments there’s a part of her that’s sometimes quietly ashamed that when she and Duserra first saw each other again as adults, she couldn’t convince Duserra to leave the Sith and come to the Jedi with her. She feels like she should have been able to talk her around, like she failed her sister - even as she’s also furious with Duserra for failing her by refusing to come.

(In her very darkest moments, a very small part of her also regrets not leaving the Jedi to be with Duserra instead.)

🔮What does your OC think is their best trait. What is actually their best trait? What about their flaws? Are they one to admit these flaws or do they like to pretend they’re perfect?

What she thinks is her best trait... probably the fact that no matter what problems come up, she always gets things done. She can push through whatever the world throws at her to get her mission done. She’s not far off; her best trait is probably either persistence or the fact that despite that dogged dedication to getting her mission done, she doesn’t sacrifice her morality to do that.

Her biggest flaw is definitely the fact that she constantly pushes people away and refuses to rely on others - she’s fully aware of this, but doesn’t believe it’s a problem (after all, she’s a Jedi, she’s not supposed to get attached to others anyway, right?).

🌸 What’s a sentence that would make your OC’s day better? One that would make them laugh? One that would make their day worse? Why? What words would you have to say to them to completely ruin their day?

To make her day better: a simple Thank you would honestly do, especially from the people whose opinions she actually cares about - acknowledging the pain she takes on herself to do her job.

To make her laugh: anything at Tharan’s expense I can’t think of a specific example, but generally speaking anything making dry humor out of a bad situation will get a chuckle out of her.

One that would make her day worse: Don’t need a whole sentence for this; the phrase filthy alien or anything adjacent to it will do it. (Makes her day worse mostly in the fact that she’ll simmer on the anger over it all day, especially if it was from someone she can’t punch over it.)

To completely ruin her day: You failed. I needed you, and you weren’t there.

💗 Ramble a bit about this character!

I haven’t rambled enough? xD

I recently played through Nadia’s companion join plot point, and I think you’ve heard this ramble before, but... hoo boy, do I have feelings about that and Zashiil. The thing about that scene is that Zashiil sees that grief-fueled rage and just kind of quietly goes "...yeah, mood" and doesn't really try to stop her from killing Stark - like, she gives her one-line obligatory “You’re doing this out of anger, not justice” note, but if she’d actually wanted to stop Nadia, she would’ve been able to do that. She didn’t. She got it.

And from a story perspective... honestly, I think Nadia is exactly what Zashiil needs. This is the turning point I've been looking for where Zashiil really starts to soften, because she sees this young woman grieving for a lost family member, the person who was closest to her in all the world, but trying so hard to keep it together and it strikes such a chord with her that she can't help but reach out and open up a little. There's this moment of dialogue in my head somewhere where Nadia's broken down sobbing sitting next to Zashiil and it's just -

Nadia: It hurts so much - I just want it to stop. Zashiil: It doesn't stop. But it does get easier. Nadia: How do you know? Zashiil, very quietly: ...Because it did for me.

and this hurts my heart So Much, help

Zashiil really doesn't like it when she realizes what's happening tbh bc she's been trying for so long to push everyone away and distance herself from her emotions as well as other people, so much so that she probably reacts reflexively to push Nadia away again in something of a panic when she realizes she's been opening up more than she meant to - and then sees how hurt Nadia is by that and caves immediately because again, she relates to that isolation pain Big Time from when she was younger and had just lost Duserra and wound up alone. It’s just... a lot.

[fantastic-bby]

Books & Poems I love

Hello, I am just dumping my favourite books and poems here because I like them and I want people to read them too bcs they're cool. Disclaimer: I haven't read some of these books in a REALLY long time, so the explanations might be a bit off since this is mostly what I remember from when I had read them. All will be under the cut and I hope someone out there finds these as enjoyable as I do!

Books

1. Huntress by Malinda Lo

Nature is out of balance in the human world. The sun hasn’t shone in years, and crops are failing. Worse yet, strange and hostile creatures have begun to appear. The people’s survival hangs in the balance.

To solve the crisis, the oracle stones are cast, and Kaede and Taisin, two seventeen-year-old girls, are picked to go on a dangerous and unheard-of journey to Tanlili, the city of the Fairy Queen. Taisin is a sage, thrumming with magic, and Kaede is of the earth, without a speck of the otherworldly. And yet the two girls’ destinies are drawn together during the mission. As members of their party succumb to unearthly attacks and fairy tricks, the two come to rely on each other and even begin to fall in love. But the Kingdom needs only one huntress to save it, and what it takes could tear Kaede and Taisin apart forever.

I cannot express how much I adore this book. It's so well-written and the entire book feels like such an adventure to read. I have to warn everyone who will read this that it is quite violent. I also love the WLW inclusion which is carried throughout the story. It's also mentioned in the beginning that Kaede does not want to marry a prince because she could never marry a man. It's filled with lots of romance and it's fantasy because I'm a sucker for fantasy reads.

My sister had bought this book for me after I had lost my first copy and my cat peed on my second copy. The first time, I had bought it from a Big Bad Wolf sale in about 2014. The second, I ordered it through Kinokuniya, but I'm pretty sure you can get it off of Amazon as well.

2. Teardrop by Lauren Kate

Never, ever cry . . .

Seventeen-year-old Eureka won't let anyone close enough to feel her pain. After her mother was killed in a freak accident, the things she used to love hold no meaning. She wants to escape, but one thing holds her back: Ander, the boy who is everywhere she goes, whose turquoise eyes are like the ocean.

And then Eureka uncovers an ancient tale of romance and heartbreak, about a girl who cried an entire continent into the sea. Suddenly her mother's death and Ander's appearance seem connected, and her life takes on dark undercurrents that don't make sense.

Can everything you love be washed away?

This is also a book that I've read multiple times. I've even read the sequel, Waterfall, but I don't think I actually got around to finishing it since I bought it right before my exams. Another love and fantasy novel, it covers a lot of grieving and pain that Eureka goes through after losing her mother and at one point, she actually wishes it was her that had died during the accident.

Her relationship with Ander is quite sudden since he just shows up out of nowhere and just happens to know practically everything about her. I, personally, enjoy this book out of the amount of angst that it's filled with. It's very well-written and I still have the first copy that I bought at the same Big Bad Wolf sale that I had gotten Huntress. I think I had gotten the sequal at Kinokuniya as well (?), but I'm not entirely sure because it's been a really long time.

3. Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi

No one knows why Juliette's touch is fatal, but The Reestablishment has plans for her. Plans to use her as a weapon. But Juliette has plans of her own. After a lifetime without freedom, she's finally discovering a strength to fight back for the very first time--and to find a future with the one boy she thought she's lost forever.

Another very angsty book. It centres around Juliette, a girl who, for some reason, kills everyone she touches. It's also written in First POV and in the format of a journal. It feels more personal because some of the lines are striked through to show a thought that Juliette had in the moment of writing that she decided to replace with a different approach instead.

The beginning is basically Juliette being locked away in some sort of a prison because of her 'gift' and she writes to keep herself from going crazy, but then one day some guy is put into the same cell as her. It's another romance novel and also a kind of superhero novel It also gets pretty... ahem... seggsy... at one point, but it's a good read.

I've read the entire series aside from Restore Me. I have it, but I haven't gotten around to reading it yet. Shatter Me is also from the same Big Bad Wolf sale as the other two lol. Juliette is also trapped in a love triangle at one point, but I won't get into it. It also gets a bit violent, but slightly less graphic than Huntress is and is also another 'self-discover' kinda book. (can you see a theme here that I read lol)

4. Winter's End by Jean-Claude Mourlevat

Four teenagers escape from their prison-like boarding schools to take up the fight against the tyrannical government that murdered their parents fifteen years earlier. But only three of the friends make it safely to Jahn's restaurant, the headquarters of a secret resistance movement, where they discover the astonishing power that one voice can have in the fight for freedom.

As the battle rages, the three friends are in a race against time to save their companion, who has been forced to participate in a deadly, ancient game for the amusement of his captors. Will this new generation prevail, or are they destined to meet the same grisly fate as their parents?

This is also extremely angsty. It's also pretty violent as well, so that's a warning for whoever will read this. Once again, well-written, nice flow to the story and I just really like this book. There's a lot of uncovering in the book that makes you go HUH because the four students end up uncovering a lot about their government and the secrets that involve the four of them.

It has a very heavy dark tone to it, which I really enjoy. It's a bit different from the other three which is less fantasy and more of a dystopian book. It's a very heroic, determination feeling that follows the students as they journey throughout the book. Also something that follows the students are a group of dog-men... things... that I'm pretty sure I actually had small nightmares imagining when I had read this in around 2013 or 2014.

Poems

Disclaimer: Half of these were poems I did essays on in high school aside from L. These are my illustrations of it and they're the ones that stood out to me when I had first read them.

1. Daffodils by William Wordsworth

I read this in high school when I was taking English Literature. It's a poem that Wordsworth wrote after his wife had passed away. I love the way it's written and William Wordsworth is one of my favourite poets. It's filled with the feeling of being lost and rediscovering the joys of the small things in life. There's a lot of imagery that refers to the flower, daffodil, and overall, it's just a a very soft themed poem.

I think the reason this poem stood out to me was because I was feeling a bit lost at the time I read it (the end of highschool) and I was desperately trying to find something I could relate to in some way.

2. Winter by Andrew Young

Another one that contains a lot of imagery. It's a poem about the beauty of Winter and how, while it's seen as a dark and gloomy season, it has hidden beauties that you can see if you're able to look past the initial image of it.

This poem in particular, I'm pretty sure I have a soft spot for in my heart mainly because of the soft spot I have for Winter in general.

3. London by William Blake

This is a more dark toned poem. It covers what old London used to be like with the raging poverty at the time. A lot of child labour and sex workers that would struggle with making money when they would accidentally get pregnant.

It's quite a depressing poem that I like because of the dark undertone and I, personally, really enjoy William Blake's works.

4. L by Bernice Chauly

L is a poem about how her daughter had cut her hair right after going to the hairdressers. While Chauly's daughter is crying when she yells at her, Chauly is reminded of when she had done something similar when she had just turned five years old. She thinks back to it and remembers that, at the time, all she wanted was to see her late father.

This is also more heavy set and it makes me think of the way children must feel when they lose their parents at such young ages.

[the-awkward-outlaw]

Hello! I'm nervous bc i never ask smth like this, but I love your fics, it kept me sane the last weeks! I love whumpy/angsty arthur fics (sorry) and I have so many ideas, but no courage to write. Here is something i literally dreamed: "Arthur getting shot in a shootout and falls in the water, Dutch doesn't know what to do, but (fem)reader dives in right away to save him. She takes care of him, because shot +getting sick from the water" Hopefully it's something. greetings from germany :)

Holy crap, this is my 100th request!!!! I truly don’t know how to feel about this!!!! I’ve thought about maybe doing something to celebrate, but can’t come up with anything. Any thoughts from y’all? I’m hoping I can open my inbox soon.

Anyways, hello Anon! Writing these fics has kept me sane as well these past few months. I don’t like thinkin’ what I woulda done without it, so I guess they’ve been helpful to both of us. I bet you have more courage to write than you think you do! Hello from Utah! 

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“It’ll be fine, darlin’,” Arthur says, grabbing the boat and pushing it closer to the water. 

“I don’t know, Arthur,” you reply, watching him. “I’ve got a bad feeling.” 

“Your girl worries too much, Mr. Morgan,” Dutch chuckles. He bends down to help Arthur and they manage to get the boat into the water. “Y/N, we’re just going off to fish. I know a great place.” 

“I’m sure it is a great place but…” you say. Arthur walks up to you and puts his hands on your shoulders. 

“Sweetheart, I promise nothin’ will happen. What danger can we get from just fishin’? ‘Sides, thought you loved doin’ this.” He gives you a smirk. 

“I do… and I want to. But, like I said, I’m just nervous. Feels like somethin’ bad’s gonna happen.” 

“Well then stay in camp,” Dutch growls, checking the oars. “Arthur and I will go, have ourselves a good time.” 

You let out a small groan, knowing your hands are tied. It was your idea to go on a fishing trip, but you thought Arthur might agree to just staying on shore, maybe even near Clemens Point. Dutch overheard and said he knew a great place where the fish would likely be plentiful and fat. Arthur heartily agreed, saying he needed to get out of camp for a while. You need to as well, but you just can’t shake this strange sense of foreboding. 

“Okay, fine,” you finally say and you clamber into the boat after Dutch, taking the front seat at the front. Arthur gives it one final shove and then hops in, taking the oars as he sits down. He begins rowing and Dutch points him on where to go. 

“It’s a long ways off, but I bet the amount we catch will be worth it.”

“Where exactly is this spot?” you ask. 

“Just near Bard’s Crossing,” Dutch replies, pointing to the massive bridge connecting New Hanover to West Elizabeth, stretching high above the Cumberland River. 

“Seriously, Dutch?” Arthur growls, still rowing. “We couldn’ta ridden there and grabbed a boat? That’s a long ways off!” 

“Oh now Arthur, you’re not telling me you’re adverse to a little hard labor, are ya?” 

You hate when Dutch does this because he knows Arthur will respond in just the way he wants. It’s always bothered you since you saw from the beginning it was a manipulation tactic for Dutch. However, you say nothing, but maybe you’ll talk about it with Arthur later tonight.

Arthur grumbles a bit and keeps on rowing. As time passes, Dutch suggests a song, which you and Arthur heartily agree to. Afternoon sets in and the boat finally arrives at the mouth of the Cumberland River where it flows into Flat Iron Lake, heavy and fast. 

“This is the spot, drop anchor,” Dutch says, rubbing his hands together. You pick up the heavy weight and toss it into the water, watching it sink and dragging the rope behind it. “This place should be great.” 

You silently agree with Dutch, looking out at where the river meets the lake. With the river flowing so fast, it’s surely bringing a lot of food down for fish and they will be congregating down here to meet it. There’s also bound to be plenty of deep channels here for them to hide. The fish that are here will be hungry and looking to feed. 

The three of you stand up and bring out your poles, assembling them and attaching lures. Dutch swings out first, then Arthur, and then you. Slowly, you begin reeling in your line, waiting for something to grab at it. 

You smile as you think on how it was Arthur who taught you how to fish all those years ago. He taught you many things. That was how the two of you fell in love. You’ve never loved anyone as much as him, and you’d been hoping he might ask you to spend the rest of your lives together. But then Blackwater happened and everything fell apart. Surely he will ask when things calm down? 

Dutch interrupts your thoughts. “You know, my mother’s buried in Blackwater,” he says, looking over to the shore where the town sits. He tells about how she and him didn’t always get along but they still loved each other in their own ways. As he talks, the boat drifts, revolving around the spot the anchor lies. Its rear where Arthur stands points towards the nearest shore. 

You’re still feeling nervous, but you’re beginning to doubt yourself. Maybe you’ve just been expecting something bad to happen for a while now. After all, plenty already has. First the Blackwater heist, then being threatened by the Pinkertons. Cornwall arriving in Valentine and driving the gang out. You’re not the only one wondering what will fall on the camp next. 

“Y/N, I ever tell ya about my dog Copper?” Arthur asks, leaning his head forward to smile at you. You shake your head. 

“You never had control of him,” Dutch says, almost darkly. 

“Ah he was a good dog, though. Never lost the puppy in him. But one day we all came back from this fishin’ trip. I turned my back for one second and Copper hopped up, ate all the fish in one go. I never seen Hosea so mad in my life.” 

You laugh heartily, easily able to imagine it. “Would you ever consider getting another dog?” 

“Maybe. Not now though. Things are too hectic,” he says. 

“Well, we got Cain,” Dutch says. “Though I suppose he’s more Jack’s dog than anyone else’s. I haven’t seen a boy love a dog so much since, well, since you were a boy, Arthur. Y/N, Arthur ever tell ya about his adventures as a boy? Oh I got some good ones to tell!” 

“Don’t do this, Dutch,” Arthur pleads, casting out again. 

“You gotta tell me now, Dutch!” 

He chuckles. “Well there was one day he came back from town with these big beautiful bass. He was maybe twenty, and we congratulated him all night. Made toasts to him. Well, next day we go into town and-” 

Dutch is suddenly cut off by a spot in the lake directly in front of him exploding, water shooting up into the air, a sound like thunder ripping through the air. All three of you know the sound too well: someone is shooting at you. 

“What the…” Arthur says, dropping his pole and whipping his gun out.

“O’Driscolls!” Dutch hollers, shooting at the shoreline. Down the upgrade in the land leading to the bridge, men are running down. Some are on horseback, but there’s no denying it. They’re from Dutch’s rival gang run by Colm O’Driscoll.

You drop your pole with a clatter and yank out your pistol, returning fire to the men. You try to ignore how seriously outnumbered and outgunned you are, trying to reassure yourself with the thought that Dutch and Arthur are some of the best gunmen you’ve ever known. Your aim isn’t bad either as you take down three O’Driscolls on the shore. 

One of the men shrieks something and walks into the lake, going all the way up to his knees. “You’re dead!” he screams and fires. You and he shoots at the same time, but as he falls, you hear Arthur give a pained grunt. He drops his pistol, clutches his ribs and hunkers down. The redistribution of his weight is too much and the boat tips, making him topple out. 

“Arthur” you scream. “Dutch, Arthur!” 

“Just shoot, Y/N! We’ll worry about Arthur as soon as these bastards are dealt with.” 

Typical Dutch. Ignoring Arthur when he needs his help the most. You look at the black water of the lake where Arthur fell in, expecting his head to be bobbing out of the water. But it isn’t. There’s only a small cluster of bubbles. 

“Goddamn it, Dutch!” you hiss and you put your pistol back. Dutch says your name but you ignore him, diving into the water. 

It’s freezing in the lake. Not surprising since the water where you are is from the river, which is mostly runoff from the frozen mountains. It doesn’t help that the sun was just setting beyond the horizon when the O’Driscolls attacked. You try to scan the deep water, but your vision is heavily blurred. Then you see a flicker of blue in the area where he went down. It must be Arthur. 

Quickly you weave your arms and kick your legs, swimming over to him. You’re not the strongest swimmer nor do you have the greatest capacity to hold your breath, but none of that matters. All you care about is getting Arthur. 

As you get closer to the blue flicker, the rest of his body forms. Swirling with the column of bubbles is a trail of blood. Finally you’re close enough to wrap your arms around his bulky chest and you start trying to swim back to the surface. It’s harder than you expected now that you’ve lost use of your arms. Your legs kick as hard as they can, but your lungs are beginning to burn. You wish you could beg Arthur to help you save him. 

As though he can hear your thoughts, his arms suddenly begin flapping through the water, slow but strong. He kicks with his own legs and since they’re much longer and more powerful, you move much quicker. 

It seemed like it took minutes to get from the surface to him, but now you make the return trip in seconds. Both your heads break through the water and you gasp for breath, coughing a bit. Gunshots still echo overhead but the boat isn’t too far away. With all your strength, you begin kicking, heaving Arthur over to it. 

“Dutch,” you gasp. “Dutch, help me get him into the boat.” 

“Can’t you see we’re still being fired on, Y/N?” he roars as he shoots again. He’s got both pistols out now. 

“Goddamn it, Dutch! Arthur, hang onto the boat.” 

He doesn’t say anything, but his hands latch onto the boat. You keep one arm on him, anchoring yourself to his body, and then reach into your holster, pulling out your gun. You fire and nothing happens. Shit. The gun powder’s too wet. You holster it and look back at Dutch as a shot splashes not too far from you.

“Dutch, give me one of your guns!” you shout, but he either can’t hear you or he’s ignoring you. “DUTCH!” He finally looks at you and you repeat your request. 

“I can handle them just fine, Y/N.” 

“Obviously you can’t, otherwise they’d all be dead. Just give me your damn gun!” 

Grumbling, Dutch tosses you one of his pistols and you turn your arm, returning fire on the remaining O’Driscolls. There’s only three of them left, all standing on the shores. One of them has a rifle, but the other two have pistols. You shoot at them, taking one down, but then you run out of ammo. 

“Dutch!” you holler, feeling truly desperate. There’s a decently sized pool of blood around Arthur now that’s beginning to worry you. Dutch growls incoherently and shoots in quick successions, finally taking down the last two O’Driscolls. He holsters his gun and turns towards you, bending down to grab Arthur by the arms. 

“Come on, big boy,” he grunts, heaving as you push him from the water. You’re not much use though as you’ve nothing to anchor yourself on, your legs still kicking through open water. Arthur’s not so badly wounded he can’t help himself though, he helps to hoist himself up with the arm on his uninjured left side. 

Finally, you somehow get him into the boat. He falls onto his back, coughing and spluttering. Dutch bends down and grabs your arm, lifting you up, which is much easier. Ignoring the exhaustion from the fight and your swim, you bend down and inspect Arthur, fumbling with his soaked shirt to get it unbuttoned. You manage it at last and expose his wound. It’s not good, but you don’t think it’ll be fatal as long as it’s treated quickly. 

“Quick, Dutch, take us back.” 

You half expect him to argue, to say something that will uphold his pride, but luckily he sits in Arthur’s previous spot and begins rowing, leaving the shore littered with bodies behind. Just before he sets off, you reach down into the lake and grab Arthur’s hat. 

As Dutch rows, you try stemming the flow of blood from Arthur’s wound, but there’s not much point as that bullet needs to be taken out. You look up, towards your destination, which looks miles away. Hope begins to fade away, quickly being replaced by fear. 

Arthur’s hand suddenly wraps around yours. “Stay with me, darlin’,” he pants. 

You look down and squeeze his hand. “I ain’t goin’ nowhere. Just focus on me.” You run your free hand through his damp hair and he smiles a bit, looking into your eyes. 

After what seems to have taken a lifetime, Dutch pulls the boat ashore at Clemens Point. He immediately calls for aid and several of the others come running over. You grab Arthur’s arms and heave him up, but your exhaustion has properly set in and Arthur weighs more than you do. You can only manage a few steps, which are made extremely awkward by the curve of the boat’s bottom before the others reach you. Charles and John grab him, taking on the burden, and they help heave him from the boat. 

“What the hell happened?” Hosea demands, walking over and being closely followed by Grimshaw, who barks at Charles and John to get Arthur to bed. 

“Dutch is an idiot, that’s what happened,” you snap, bending over to try and catch your breath. 

“You’re out of line, Y/N,” Dutch says sharply. “I had no idea those bastards would catch us there.” 

“I told you I had a bad feeling about it! But did you listen to me? No. You never listen to me!” Rage courses through you. You can’t shake the image of Dutch just standing there on the boat, watching as Arthur fell in, and then him not responding. “You’re always sayin’ how Arthur’s like your son, Dutch, but when you’re required to act like a father to your metaphorical son, you are the worst-”

“ENOUGH!” he shouts, glaring at you. You’ve crossed a line. “That is enough, Y/N. Those bastards would have killed us all, and I knew Arthur would be fine. Because you were there. I knew you would save him.” 

“Typical,” you hiss, your teeth shivering from both the rage and the cold caused by your soaked clothing. “You let everyone else do your dirty work all because you didn’t want to get your hat wet.” 

Without waiting for him to respond, you stomp off towards yours and Arthur’s tent. You know you were out of line with Dutch, but you’re so angry and scared you don’t care. In the tent, Arthur’s surrounded by the other girls who are busy working away. He’s grunting and writhing in pain, his legs being pinned down by John and Karen while Tilly holds a thick stick in his mouth. Grimshaw and Mary-Beth are busy trying to get the bullet out of his torso. 

“Let me,” you say to Tilly, taking her place at his head. She nods and stands up, letting you kneel down at the head of the bed. Your fingers brush through his hair and you try not to look at what Grimshaw and Mary-Beth are doing. You’ve seen an innumerable amount of gruesome things happen to people, but you can’t stand watching it happen to the man you love. 

Arthur seems to calm down a bit when he feels your fingers in his hair, but he’s still in a lot of pain. You grip his shoulder and one of his hands comes up and grabs yours, crushing it. You let him though. 

“There,” Grimshaw finally says, holding up the long pair of thin tongs, a bloodied bullet clamped in them. “It’s over, Mr. Morgan.” 

He lets out a long breath, his face, neck and chest coated in sweat. Grimshaw turns away and Mary-Beth and Tilly immediately begin stitching and bandaging him up tightly. After a few minutes, they state there’s nothing more that can be done. 

“Those bandages will need to be changed after a few hours,” Strauss declares, inspecting the girls’ work. “The bleeding should stop soon though.” 

You pat Arthur’s shoulder, your other hand still clamped in his firm grip. You bend down and kiss his forehead, noting his closed eyes. Poor man is beyond exhausted. “Get some rest,” you whisper. 

“Stay with me,” he mutters. 

You promise him you won’t leave his side, but you get up and close the tent flaps, wanting some privacy. Then, gently as you can, you remove his soaked clothes. He shivers lightly when he’s fully naked, but you drape him in the blanket. When you’re changed from your own wet clothes and into a light, dry nightdress, you climb under the blanket and huddle close to him, trying to keep him warm. Despite his obvious discomfort, he holds you close. After a short period, you hear him grunt in his sleep. Feeling that the worst is behind, you close your eyes and drift off as well. 

*****************************************

A few days pass. Arthur gets a bit feverish, but you manage to keep it down to a fair minimum. Reverend comforts him a bit when he voices his fears that he might not survive by telling him you won’t let him die, not even if he wanted to. 

Dutch has been very respectful of the space around your tent. It’s almost as though he’s afraid you might start screaming at him again, which you’ve half a mind to. He even lets you butt in front of him at the line for dinners to get Arthur food, which he’s never done for anyone. 

Hosea cam and spoke to both you and Arthur the day after the ambush. He said you were right to get after Dutch, that he’s often let Arthur take the worst hits, but he also warns you not to go ribbing Dutch about this. 

“I’ve talked with him, he feels terrible. He knows he should’ve been the one to save Arthur, not you. He’s very sorry.”

“Well, I hope he doesn’t expect me to forgive him until he tells Arthur to his face how bad he feels about the whole thing,” you say proudly. Arthur chuckles from the bed. Hosea does too, but then he leaves. 

After only a week, Arthur’s greatly improved, much quicker than anyone could have predicted. Hosea teases that it’s your stunning work that has done the trick and that under your care, Arthur will live beyond a hundred. You doubt this, though you appreciate it all the same. Arthur’s always been a fast healer, and you take into account the fact that the bullet didn’t hit any of his bones nor puncture any vital organs. 

Arthur’s already been moving around camp, though he still moves quite gingerly. He tries to do regular work, but you quickly stop him from doing the straining stuff like chopping wood. “You’ll rip out your stitches,” you scold him lightly and make him sit down to help you with knitting. He complains but doesn’t refuse the work. 

Night falls, and you’re both sitting on the log near the campfire. Your head’s lying on his shoulder, your hand clasped in his. It’s late. Much later than you usually stay up, but you’re not ready to go to bed yet. 

John, who’s been sitting on the other side of the fire for a while, stands up and stretches, yawning. “Think I’m gonna turn in,” he says before leaving. Now you’re alone with Arthur. 

After a few moments, your hand leaves Arthur and you wind it up his body, hovering lightly over his wound. 

“What you doin’?” he asks softly. 

“Just makin’ sure. Don’t want you bleeding.” 

“I ain’t bled there in days, darlin’.” He kisses your head and then winds an arm behind you, allowing you to cuddle into him better. A few more minutes pass and it feels like he’s got something heavy on his mind. 

“Y’know, I have to apologize to ya, darlin’.”

“What for, Arthur?” 

“I ain’t… I ain’t appreciated you properly. Ain’t done for you what ya deserve. These past few days have shown me that.” 

“What are you talking about?” you ask, looking up at him. Arthur’s the best companion you’ve ever had. He’s always been protective yet gentle, thoughtful and passionate. You’ve never wanted to devote your life to a person so much ever before. 

“I mean… you deserve so much more than I given you. I shoulda done this months ago, but… well, I always blamed Blackwater on it, but truth is, I was scared. Then I told myself I wanted to wait until I could do it properly, make it special.” 

“Arthur, what are you going on about?” 

He hesitates for a second. “Darlin’, I wanna marry ya.” 

Your heart stops for a second and his words echo through your mind. “M-marry me?” 

“Yes. Listen, I… if you decide it’s dumb or that you don’t wanna, I understand.” 

You wipe your eyes and sniff. “Shut up, Arthur. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to ask?” 

He smiles a bit, his eyes shining with tears. “Too long, I’m guessing.” 

“Your damn right,” you say and you stretch up, kissing him hard. His arms wind tightly around you, holding you firmly against him. As you sit in his arms, pressing your lips to his and truly appreciating the form of his body against your own, your mind wanders to how wonderful it will be to spend the rest of your life with him. You’ve never wanted anything more. 

[tomsrebeleyebrow]

Hi! Can I ask for a blurb where the reader is insecure about being in a relationship with someone bc she's afraid of getting hurt due to domestic violence that happened in her family so she tells Peter about it and he comforts her? I definetly get it if you don't feel comfortable about writing or if it's a trigger to you, hope you're having a great day/night 😊

A/N: what a heartbreaking request 🥺😢 but in this house, we always provide happy endings even when talking about harsh subjects. so here it is, dear nonnie 💕 all of you out there, care about yourself and never hesitate to talk about it, please. stay safe sweethearts 💖💗

‘Stay safe, Cheer up’ blurb event

A BIT ANGSTY BELOW (MENTION OF VIOLENCE), SO BEWARE! (FLUFF ENDING)

You’ve been in love with Peter since the beginning of secondary school but never dared to confess. Your shy nature always took over in anything you did, acting almost like a shield, a shield you slowly built around yourself year by year to protect you from a lot of things: stress, love and mostly violence.

But how were you supposed to know Peter would actually confess to you once in high school? You still recalled that day when the nerdy boy came to find you at the school library as he somehow knew you would be the only one there at that time.

And you accepting to go out with him definitely shocked your friends, and your own self. But you and Peter were undeniably the cutest couple that could exist, and anyone would agree on that. Two awfully cute teenagers in love.

But something was wrong and Peter felt it - not with his Peter tingle. Even after going out for now four months, you acted a bit strange towards the boy when he got rather close to you, like when holding hands or even sitting close next to each other. Your body seemed to stiff automatically, your facial features tensing as you then began stuttering about weird and nonsense words. As if maintaining some distance between you two on purpose. Mostly, you haven’t said to Peter the three famous words he magically told you to ask you out. He was always the one saying them, hoping you’d say it back to him too but without pressuring you.

I love you.

But still, you never did.

Despite whatever people say, Peter was really observant - this time thanks to his spidey senses - and he was determined to understand what was going on one for all. You already refused to hang out to his apartment multiple times, so the boy asked you for a date on Saturday, only consisting of sitting in the nearest park next to where he lived, to chill around like normal teenagers.

Arrived that day, you both casually sat on a bench drinking soda Peter brought along for the date. People were coming and going in the park, children running after each other on the grass and dogs playing at fetch. A normal Saturday. As you were talking about the next chemistry project of next week, Peter gulped before gently interrupting you, still not too abruptly.

“Err- (Y/N), can I ask you something?”

“Sure Peter, what is it?”

Peter took a deep breath in, hoping to gather some courage and finally spoke again.

“Alright- don’t take it the wrong way, okay? B-but like, I wanted to know- uh... does going out with me bother you? Like I know I’m kinda awkward- okay, a lot actually, so you may have forced yourself to not turn me down... But it’s like you’re building invisible walls around you when I’m near you, w-well that’s how I see it, so you don’t have to-”

Suddenly Peter’s rumbling stopped as he glanced back at you, since you didn’t say a single word. And that was when he noticed you, head low and hiding between your shoulder as if to disappear, and looking away from him.

“Oh God- I’m s-so sorry, (Y/N)! I didn’t mean to hurt you! A-At all! I-I just wanted to understand-”

Peter rumbled again, frantically moving his hands around because his intention was definitely not to upset you, and now he was scared he definitely fucked up any of his chance for you to open up to him.

“... I’m sorry.”

Your voice was like a shy whisper, barely audible but Peter caught it, and cut himself off, almost shocked but mostly confused. Still, he decided to let you talk.

“You’re not the one at fault here, Peter, but it’s me and only me. I just- I-I’m scared...”

You rearranged a strand of hair behind your ear, something you usually do when you’re stressed, your hand slightly trembling. When you finally dared to turn your head back to Peter, you could perfectly read in his eyes he wanted you to proceed in your explanations. So that was what you did.

At first, you were still torn apart from talking about that matter with Peter or not but then, the look in his soft coffee eyes almost screamed to know more. That was Peter, always here to help someone in need. And this time, Peter wanted to help you desperately, the one he grew to love more every day he spent with, to reassure you, to comfort you. At all cost.

So you opened your heart to Peter and exteriorised the morbid thoughts that settled deep inside your being long time ago. How trusting people and getting close to them became nearly impossible since your dad started beating your mum during harsh arguments. Even when you closed yourself in your bedroom, you could still hear her pleadings and cries mixed with your father’s screams. Closing yourself in your wardrobe didn’t change a thing. Your nights got more agitated, nightmares being more frequent than actual dreams, and you kept praying every night to not get hit in return. For nearly seven years, you endured all this violence towards your poor mother, who couldn’t do anything but only plead you between sobs to not say a word to anyone, at the risk of you being in danger too. Even when your dad left you both, your trust towards men was just inexistent and, as sadly as it sounded, Peter was now paying the price of this.

The boy listened to you until the end, carefully and quietly, his eyes never leaving your face. Each of your words etched into Peter’s mind, a heavy feeling soon growing inside of him as your story kept going on. Anger. Not towards you of course, but towards that person you still called “father” who dared to violate your mother in front of your innocent self for so long. Anger towards that paternal figure who made you fear men’s presence near you. An extreme anger because due to that traumatic experience, you were even scared of Peter, your own boyfriend.

But that anger slowly faded into sadness, because dwelling on your though past brought back some bad memories you tried to forget after all these years. And that was when Peter understood he would be the one left to pick up all the pieces of your hurt self, to gather them one by one and finally be able to put them back together.

“(Y/N), look at me please.”

With glossy eyes, your head slightly raised back to look at Peter again, cheeks also a bit red from keeping your tears in. Gently, Peter extended both his hands to you, palms facing the sky. Intrigued, you looked at him before slightly putting your hands on his to rest.

“No one in this word deserve to go through what you did during all these years, (Y/N), and for sure neither you deserved it at all. But remember that I will never raise a single hand at you, that my hands will only provide you comfort and warmth when you need it. And I promise to cherish and protect you from whoever would hurt you in any way. I want you to fully trust me, and I know it may take some time but I don’t care. We will take baby steps and we will make it, okay? Together. I can’t just let you deal with it by yourself anymore. You’re so dear to me and deserve to be happy. Please (Y/N), let me help you-”

As Peter basically forgot how to breath during what sounded like a second love confession, he got interrupted when you threw yourself into his arms. That actually caught the boy by surprise but he didn’t dare to circle his arms around your body, not really knowing how you would react. But he quickly changed his mind as soon as he felt your small hands tightly grip onto the back of his shirt, so his arms gently surrounded you to bring you closer. He rested his cheek on the crown of your head while yours lightly pressed against his torso, his heartbeats soothing your agitated soul.

This was during the embrace you finally knew what you needed to know after all this time: everything would be fine, as long as Peter was by your side.

“Thank you, Peter. So much.”

“I’m here, (Y/N). And always will I be for you.”

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[lesbiandipperpines]

Style oneshot bc I love my boys

Stan absolutely hated school. It was the bane of his existence, he constantly had to wear a fake smile to fit in and act as if the mental battle inside him just wasn’t happening. There was so much going on in his head, so many mental scars that add weight to his day. He looked around the classroom only to see the same people as he always did. Realistically, Stan hoped that there would be something new to look at and observe but there never was. His gaze found its way to Kyle, his best friend. There was always something about him that appealed to Stan so much. Kyle was another level of human - he was smart, helpful, caring, always there for Stan and even quite cute. Sure, there were times where they had their arguments and didn’t speak for a few days but they always patched things up. It was always the case of who would break first, who could go the longest without the other. Albeit it was usually Stan who broke first, both boys had a bond unlike any other in the quiet little mountain town.

“Oi, you are aware you’re staring at the Jew boy, right?” Eric’s voice played over Stan’s thoughts, snapping him back into reality almost instantly. Stan shook his head slightly, before glaring right at Eric. If looks could kill, this one would. “Shut up, dude, I was looking out the window.” Stan knew his excuse wouldn’t be accepted by the overweight boy sitting next to him. Eric simply scoffed before turning his attention back to the lesson at hand. Stan shifted in his seat slightly, he knew that Eric knew of his secret and that probably most of South Park did. Usually, it was easy to hide his bisexuality but ever since Eric managed to hear it through the grapevine, his life has been hell. There was always an anxious feeling in Stan’s stomach that Kyle was going to find out and wouldn’t accept who he was.

The bell rang, signalling the end of class. Students filled the hallways of the High School and made it a nightmare to navigate. Stan waited inside the almost empty class room for Kyle to finish packing his stuff away. Stan was always the type to pack his pen and notebook away halfway through the lesson, or whenever he felt bored enough to stop listening. Despite this, Kyle was the type to pay attention until the very end of the lesson, and to jot down everything the teacher says to ensure that he gets the best grades. Stan was sat on his desk with his foot propped up against what would have been Eric’s desk, his other leg just swinging back and forth aimlessly and his backpack slung onto one of his shoulders.

“Dude, I really don’t know why you pay so much attention in class, Mr Garrison hardly knows what he’s teaching.” Stan said as he and Kyle walked out the room together to join the chaotic hallways. Kyle let out a small giggle, which made Stan’s heart soar. He always thought that Kyle had the best smile and the best laugh, so he made it his mission to make Kyle laugh. “You know why, I gotta get good grades or my mum grounds me. Either that or we move back to Jersey, and that’s a definite no.” It was now Stan’s turn to have a giggle. Both the boys entered the cafeteria where they saw their group of idiots sitting at one of the tables. They were all joking about and throwing meaningless insults at one another, well mostly meaningless.

Both Kyle and Stan went to get their food, which was just processed crap that the lunch staff made. It wasn’t their fault the food tasted bad and was more unhealthy than eating literal dog food. The boys went to their table, which their friends claimed, and had a seat at either side of the table. Stan just stabbed his food with his fork as he listened to Eric speak about something or another. There was little truth to any word he spoke about anything but the others listened anyways as there was nothing better to do.

“Your foods gonna get cold, you know?” Kyle pointed out to Stan, almost starting up a private conversation between the two. Stan hummed in agreeance as he lazily chewed on the food he thought was nothing more than leftovers. With a few small bites, he had had enough food and got up to throw away what was left and leave his tray on top of the bin.

Stan travelled his way through the school. Sometimes he liked to spend some of his lunch hour alone, to figure out who he was. He went to go sit outside, on the steps by the back end of the school. He could faintly hear the music the goths played. There was something about their ways that made Stan want to sit by them, not exactly interact with them but be somewhat associated. He looked at his gloves, they seemed to be a different shade of red. Or maybe they were the same, he never knew. As he looked at them, the thoughts flooded in. He began to think of a life with Kyle, not entirely romantic but a future of some sort.

With Kyle by his side, the future didn’t appear to be as dull as he once thought. A joint apartment between them both, maybe they would get a pet or something for them to look after together. It was the perfect life for Stan, but one thing stood in the way of it all...Kyle. There was no doubt he would move on to college, somewhere out of state and far away from Stan. He could almost cry at the thought of the possibility that Kyle would leave his life. Reality sunk into Stan and he was one more depressing thought away from sitting with the goth kids again. His head fell into his hands as he began to cry at the thought of not having Kyle. Maybe if he told Kyle what he felt inside, then things might go his way. Naivety said Kyle liked him too, romantically, but narcissism said it was doomed from the moment he hit puberty.

“Stan..?” A gentle voice called out, it was Kyle. Stan sniffled a few times, wiped his nose with his jacket sleeve and turned his head to see the worried boy standing in the doorway. There was a moment of silence between the two, before Kyle instinctively wrapped his arms around Stan. Carefully, he rubbed Stan’s arm out of comfort. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Kyle asked once more, he was concerned for Stan at this point. It was rare that he said nothing in response. “Kyle, there’s something I need to say to you. And it’s quite important. And I don’t even know if i can tell you but I’m going to.” Stan’s voice was shaken and broken, his sobs engulfing him. He was unsure if Kyle even understood a word he had said. Kyle just nodded, and held Stan a little tighter in support. “Whenever you’re ready, you can tell me.” Kyle spoke gently, hoping that it gave Stan some clarity. He wanted to do anything he could to help his best friend suffer less.

“Okay, okay...so,” Stan took a moment to regain himself, compose himself into being able to say what he needed to, “I’m bisexual. And I’m pretty sure I like you- wait, no, forget that, I’m in love with you dude.” Stan looked at Kyle, with sad almost puppy dog eyes. Something inside him wanted him to believe Kyle was going to say something positive back. But Kyle said nothing, he looked shocked more than anything. “Wait, really? Dude…this is a lot to take in.” Kyle’s words sounded disconnected from him, like he was processing what Stan had said to him, “You...you love me? How long have you known?” Stan looked forwards, towards the playground, “a while. Ever since 9th grade. But before then I knew I had some sort of feelings towards you. And I get that it might freak you out but please don’t leave me, I need you. We can pretend this never happened, no one needs to know this happened, it can be a bad dre-” Stan was cut off by Kyle’s lips on his. Kyle pulled away first, only to have a small laugh at Stan. “You’re this biggest idiot I know, I love you too dude.” Kyle said, “I never spoke up about it because I thought you and Wendy were a thing still.” Stan felt stupid. He had a dumbstruck look on his face, it felt as if he tried to cheat a test and still fail. Wendy helped him throughout his whole identity crisis before he settled for calling himself bi. She gave him a good piece of advice, “a label is as temporary or as permanent as you chose it to be, you are not faking it because you discover more about yourself in the future,” and Stan had always admired her advice. “No, we haven’t dated since, like, 5th grade. She was just there for me when I couldn’t speak to you about it.”

The bell rang again, signalling the end of the lunch hour. Stan looked at Kyle, his eyes still bloodshot red from crying. Kyle took his hand and helped him up, he flung his own bag on his shoulder and picked up Stan’s bag and held it in his unoccupied hand. “Do you wanna ditch and grab some decent food? Cartman would rip you to shreds if you walked in looking like the dogshit you do right now. Still extremely handsome though.” Kyle was willing to ditch class for Stan, and he had done before. “What about your grades? I think your mum would kill you if she found out.” Stan counterpointed. Kyle didn’t care what she thought, he could handle her now. “I don’t care what she thinks, I’m all about you right now.” “Okay, let’s ditch. City Wok or Red Lobster?” “Definitely Red Lobster.” “So, are you my boyfriend now?” “Yes, Stan, yes I am.”

[youidiotprince]

hi! do you have any sobbe headcanons? everyone is talking about skam france and elu and it makes me miss sobbe even more.

lmao I feel this. since elu got a pet (if only for a few hours and I’m still so bothered by that), let’s talk about Robbe and Sander getting a pet!

A few months after Robbe and Sander move in together once Robbe starts University, they decide to get a puppy. It’s mostly Robbe’s idea bc he’s always wanted one but was never allowed to have one bc his papa thought it would be “too much stress on the family.” Robbe and Sander take a few trips to some local animal shelters, revisiting them each a couple of times to try to find the perfect dog for their family. Robbe ends up getting attached to quite a few of them, but Sander hasn’t really connected with any of them yet, and Robbe can tell. He knows all he has to do is say “I want this one” and Sander will agree to whichever one he chooses, but Robbe wants Sander to be just as excited as he is.

He’s growing more and more discouraged the longer they go without adopting one, feeling like maybe Sander just doesn’t want a dog, but then they go back to one of the animal shelter’s they haven’t visited as much and find out that they’ve recently put a new puppy up for adoption. She’s the only one of the litter they were able to locate, so they’re not sure what her story is, but she’s healthy and sweet, if a little bit shy. Robbe’s excited to meet her.

When they go back to, Robbe’s instantly intrigued by her. She’s a terrier mix of some sort, but they’re not sure exactly what. She has fluffy golden fur sprinkled with black to add texture and character, and she has big, warm brown eyes. Robbe squats down in front of her enclosure, sticking his fingers through the fence that stands between them so he can touch her, if she wants. She walks over to him slowly, almost lazily, sniffing at his hand when she finally reaches him before giving him a soft, sweet lick. Then, she sits down right where she is and looks up at Sander, those big brown eyes staring up at him. Robbe looks up at him, too, and Sander, looking awestruck, murmurs, “She kind of has your eyes, Robbe.”

“What, my puppy eyes?” Robbe teases, giving Sander his best sad pleading puppy look. Sander snorts and kneels down beside Robbe, holding his own hand up to the fence. she trots over to him excitedly, sniffing much more energetically at his hand, tail wagging already. Robbe can’t even bring himself to be jealous that she already likes Sander more bc the look in Sander’s eyes silences him. He looks so vulnerable, eyes full of surprise that she’s so happy to see him, that she could like him so much without even knowing him.

He raises those raw, surprised eyes to Robbe’s and declares, “She is the one,” and Robbe’s already nodding his head with a happy grin, bc of course she is, and Robbe tilts his head adorably at Sander and responds, “Yeah, she is, isn’t she?” Sander’s lips turn up into a grin that almost rivals Robbe’s, and he turns back to their puppy, who’s still wagging her tail at him with such force that it rocks her whole body. Before they leave, they start the paperwork so that the shelter will hold her for them as they get their apartment ready for her.

In a few days, they bring her home for the first time, Sander cradling her in his arms. They’ve decided to name her Rebel, and she now wears a rainbow collar with a tag that labels her as theirs, their Rebel. They bought her a dark purple bed that’s basically an oversized pillow, though they know she’ll end up sleeping in bed with them anyway. She’s nervous when they first set her down in her new home, following Sander around at his heels, but she warms up to it pretty quickly and starts to explore, a little bundle of curiosity. They give her her first toy, a plush microphone they saw at the pet store and just had to buy, and she trots around the living room with it in her mouth, seeming proud, holding her head high.

For the first month of having her, it feels like they’re always on the internet looking up tricks for training puppies, and when they’re not on the internet looking them up, they’re trying to apply them in real world, doing their best to train her on their own. It’s going well, she responds to her name, she knows a few basic commands, but they’re struggling the most with house training her. Every time they seem to be making progress, she’ll have an accident on the kitchen floor or right next to the door or, worse yet, the carpeted floor of their bedroom. They’re both starting to grow frustrated, wondering if they’re doing something wrong or if maybe they just aren’t cut out to be pet owners. But every time they start to feel like they want to give up, she comes galloping over to one of them, tail wagging with her whole body, smothering them in kisses and gentle little nibbles, and they know there’s no way they could ever give up on her.

It’s been a few weeks since Rebel’s last accident, so they’re starting to feel like maybe they actually succeeded and she’s outgrown that phase. They’re lying in bed together one Thursday evening before going to sleep, Rebel acting more rambunctious and playful than usual at this hour as she runs back and forth between them, diving for their hands, their noses, anything she can nibble at, having more and more fun with the game the more they flinch or move their hands and faces away from her. They’re laughing at each other’s jerky movements, taking a special thrill from every time the other gets a particularly strong bite from her, goading each other with taunts like, “Come on, it doesn’t hurt that bad,” until the other is made to eat his words when she comes back and bites him. Despite the pain, they’re having just as much fun as she is.

They finally get a reprieve from her reign of terror when she goes down to the foot of the bed, sniffing around their ankles, which are tucked safely under the comforter. “I love nights like this,” Robbe says through a lazy, content smile. “Me too,” Sander answers, leaning forward to kiss Robbe through their smiles. They both let themselves get lost in the kiss until Robbe starts to feel something wet and warm against his foot, seeping through the blanket and sheet. Alarmed, he jerks away from Sander, looking towards the end of the bed, and sure enough, Rebel’s there, squatting just above his foot.

“Fuck, Sander, she’s peeing!” Robbe shouts as he grabs her around the waist and jumps out of bed, stumbling as he gets caught in the blankets. Sander rolls out of bed to the other side, landing on all fours as he scrambles to his feet. Once Robbe’s out of bed, he starts hopping around on one foot, his unsoiled foot, and he’s barking at Sander to grab the blankets off the bed before it seeps through to the mattress. Sander acts as quickly as he can, ripping the sheets and blanket from the bed and dropping them in a messy bundle on the floor, wrestling with the fitted sheet bc it’s caught on the corner of the bed farthest from where he’s standing. He yanks on it as hard as he can, and finally it gives way, forcing him to stumble backwards a few steps before falling on his butt.

He can’t help it anymore, he bursts out laughing in a loud, uncontrollable kind of way. In a hiccuping, gasping for air kind of way. Robbe, still balancing on one foot, snaps, “Sander, this isn’t funny!”

Between laughs, Sander barely manages to get out, “Robbe [gasp for breath] she peed on your foot!” Robbe looks from the innocent, nervous looking puppy in his hands, to his raised, peed-on foot, to his boyfriend, who’s a mess of hysterical laughter on the ground, and Robbe can’t help himself either. He collapses to the floor beside Sander, laughing so hard now that he can barely breathe.

“If you think it’s so funny,” Robbe gasps out, “then you can clean off my foot.” He stretches his soiled foot towards Sander, who shrieks and shoves it away, only making them both laugh harder. Robbe moves to bury his face in Sander’s chest, the both of them laughing against each other now, tangling together. Rebel’s sniffing around them nervously, not able to tell if what’s happening is a good thing or a bad thing. She starts to yip, which draws Robbe and Sander our of their giggle fit a bit, and their laughter slowly starts to trickle off.

“We need to take her out to make sure she’s finished,” Robbe says finally, panting a bit as he recovers.

“I’ll do it,” Sander says as he kisses Robbe’s cheek. “You have to go take care of your pee foot.” He shoots Robbe a teasing look that earns him a shove in return. Sander just laughs as he picks Rebel up and heads out of the room to take her out.

Robbe hops to the bathroom, where he rinses off his foot with some soap and water and dries it with one of the towels that are hanging up. He’s not sure if it’s his or Sander’s, but he gets a wicked grin at the thought of it being Sander’s. He goes back to the bedroom to gather the soiled bedding into a bag they can take to the laundromat the next morning. When Sander and Rebel come back inside, Sander helps Robbe make the bed with a fresh set of sheets and a throw blanket from the couch. They curl up together in the cool crisp feel of them, Rebel now lying peacefully between their legs like usual, bladder empty.

“I thought we were making progress,” Robbe says softly, feeling disappointed and discouraged all over again, now that he’s come off the high from all of his laughter a bit.

“We are,” Sander reassures him, placing a kiss to Robbe’s shoulder through the fabric of his t-shirt. “This was just a minor hiccup. They happen. We’ll get there, eventually. Together.” It’s the reminder of “together” that succeeds in reassuring Robbe, because when they’re together, even the lowest of lows don’t feel that low. Even getting peed on by his own dog can be funny, with Sander there beside him, laughing at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. So, as Robbe places a kiss of his own to the top of Sander’s head, he echoes Sander’s last word back to him.

“Together.”

[likeawildthing]

in full transparency, last night i asked for you all to share the things you’re missing and grieving. I thought I could hold a place on this blog for the collective grief we are all feeling, even for one ask session. but it became too much. everyone is properly upset and I apparently don’t have capacity right now to offer words of support to all. And I don’t necessarily think that I need to.  It’s okay that this sucks. There is a moment of collective grief we’re all feeling, we are all missing different things. It’s okay not to compare your loss to someone else’s. A loss felt by you is still a loss. We’re all coping, yeah? but i did read all of your responses, and I’m putting them under the cut if anyone wants to read. I hope you do give it a read because it does affirm that we aren’t alone. 

love you all <3 <3 <3

anonymous: My bf broke up with me cause he couldn’t handle the distance due to corona... now I grieve what we could’ve been. I miss him so much.

anonymous: grieving the loss of my senior year of college, my cancelled thesis, my graduation, my job, and my application to grad school which is postponed indefinitely while I work out the requirements. Would love suggestions on how to fill the void 

anonymous: i'm grieving the loss of my racing season. i didn't think it was as devastating as it would be but losing all the work that my team put in for years to get where we are today and losing the chance to prove ourselves at nationals.... has been just that... devastating. i can say though that this quarantine has brought the team close together and i am finding myself. thank god i have the ability to but i am looking at myself as a person instead of just a student, athlete, etc. and figuring out myself in the process. whether that means hobbies, what to do with my future, or just what fulfills me, i'm learning a lot of things about myself. also the weather was gorgeous out today and i was able to get a walk with my dad in after my workout. beautiful!!! also made banana bread and have a zoom call with my teammates for sunday breakfast tomorrow. (GOOD VIBES!!!) 

anonymous: Due to quarantine I can’t see my significant other for an indeterminate amount of time since we’re long distance and I’m an at-risk person. We’re trying to fill the distance with FaceTime calls but it’s still really hard, mostly because we’re just stuck and don’t know for how long :(

anonymous: I used to volunteer at an op shop every sunday with two of my favourite people. The customers sucked, but we played disney and had a blast and would sometimes do dinner or games after it. I miss it so much. To make up for it, we send regular pictures of our pets, do video calls on sundays and play an online pictionary type game to laugh at each other's terrible drawing skills :') 

anonymous: In Germany we are allowed to see one other person at a time. I miss meeting more than one friend. As an autistic girl, communication can be hard and it's easier when you are with three people, cause you can just let them talk and no one focuses on you the entire time. You can just listen and not talk for a bit. 

anonymous: I'm a costume designer and after a few years of assisting I finally finally got hired as the lead designer for Matilda. Which of course then got cancelled, and may be pulled from the season completly if we can't reopen by June. So I have all of these fabric samples and sketches that hurt my heart to look at but that I can't bear or risk throwing out.

@empiresprincess  I’m grieving making music, running a musical, being with young weird enthusiastic youths, and my health. Also seeing my mom or a few my more beloved friends. I’m snuggling my dog, watching my fav youtuber, rewatching comforting media, trying to take care of myself and to let others know when I really need help. Oh and Im working on not judging myself too harshly.

anonymous:  i was just finishing my second quarter at ucla when everything got shut down, and like.. it kinda sucks. i busted ass to get accepted to my dream school, pulled all nighter after all nighter at community college and finally transferred to ucla. i was JUST starting to feel like i had a place there. winter quarter was when i made some really good professor friends, started to get into the swing of things, adn that was when i realized i genuinely WANTED to go to grad school in the uk and get a phd  and one day teach. then overnight im back home struggling w online classes and it just feels like im back to square one? they haven't cut our tuition costs either, and i feel like im paying so much for a whole experience, which now is just zoom university. ;~; i know its not the end of the world, but its sad and i miss my roommates. still, i guess it could be worse. i feel bad for the seniors who are ending their ucla journey with this. also my boyfriend and i have been doing long distance for  nearly a year, and our one-year anniversary is coming up in a few days. i really thought we'd at least be able to spend that together, but he's an international student and he had to go back to india bc of covid. ;~; i miss him a lot and im terrified that the increased distance/time difference will cause us to just fizzle out. its not like we don't love each other a lot, but such limited contact (he can't ft bc his dad doesn't know about us, and so we only call like 3 times a week for 10 mins) makes it hard.. i haven't seen him in almost three months now, and it's just sad, even though i know its not either of us's fault. anywho!! this got really long; sorry about that!! in the grand scheme of things this isn't that bad though, so i'm trying to grieve the losses (and the loss of being back home, oof!) while still keeping an eye out for some of the good things to come. take care linds i hope you're safe and doing better

anonymous:  On one level I am literally grieving the loss of a family member to the virus, but on another I am grieving the loss of my usual life (I had to move back in with my parents temporarily after being on my own for 4 years) and my student (our governor just announced that schools are closed for the rest of the year and I feel like I never ever got to say good bye). I've been filling the void by writing fanfic, but even that has been hard as I have no privacy anymore. I keep getting interrupted.

[imaginarycircus]

Today is my birthday and all well wishes are giddily accepted. I’m going to level with you. I’ve felt disappointed in myself lately more and more. For the last few years I’ve been increasingly selfconscious and kind of embarrassed about my age, my appearance, and my lack of success for a given value of success. Like I’m an old washing machine that needs to be taken out back and disassembled for parts or used as a fire pit. The worst part is that I knew I was selling myself a bill of goods and I couldn’t stop.

This is venting. I’d love it if you have time and energy to listen, but please don’t give me advice. If you want to share your experiences or feelings that is cool. I’d love to hear about you. I’m sorry this is like a 3 TED talk series, but you do not have to read it and I don’t expect anyone to do so.

If a friend told me they felt like this I’d theoretically grab their face in both hands and look into their eyes and say, “You precious, wonderful, jar of dumbass jam.”

“You have a messy life and stuff that gets in the way and maybe you’re not always doing your best, but you try to and you’re nice to animals and you sure do cry about them a lot. This writing deal is hard. You started 17 years ago, which was a bit late, and you’ve worked really hard. Despite every rejection, you have not stopped. Do you realize how much better you’ve become than you were? Sure. You’ve had some bad luck. Everyone has, but yours is yours. It sucks, but don’t let it define you. Oh. You already let it define you. Past-you is gone and now-you can stop doing that.

You got the MFA. You wrote a novel and your agent couldn’t sell it, but you did it. And you got an agent, which is pretty good. You did well in that Penguin contest. You didn’t win, but top 50 out of 5,000 isn’t too bad. You created two scripted series and wrote the first season of one of them 2-3 times and planned the other in exquisite detail. It’s in development hell and I know you’re tired and you’ve kind of given up hope, but the people negotiating stuff believe in your work (also @kyrieanne‘s work.) You’ve written a lot. You’re writing a novel right now and your agent is on board. Plus you’re still riding around on this planet. There were times you wanted to get off the ride, but you didn’t.

No one else but you swims in the alchemical product of your past, your traumas, your joys, your education, your hard work, your chronic health issues, and your many mistakes. Own it and fucking walk up the chest of anyone who says you’re not good enough. Yeah. You got walk up your own chest now, buddy. Take some advil. I love you. Take out the trash. And remember you had three separate cancer scares this year. Two surgeries. Two biopsies, one of them a total nightmare, and you were bleeding so much because of that uterine polyp you had no iron for carrying oxygen to your bits and bobs or your brainbox. Take a breath. Take a shower. Drink water. Go out this evening and eat a warm buttered lobster roll and drink some good wine and realize how fucking lucky you are to be able to do that. I love you, you beautiful, dumbass jar of jam.”

But my inner convo has been like, “Dude. Honey. Me. Plz stop. Comparisons are odious. Yes, we like John Donne. No, we do not usually think about ourselves in the third person, but for this exercise it makes sense that even when I am talking to myself I may be talking to another part of myself I’m so at odds with they seem like a different person. We contain multitudes! We also have the adhd and what were we talking about? Oh, yes. We think we’re old and a failure. We’ve bought into it so hard that it keeps us up at night and stalks us during the day. If it walks like a failure duck and talks like a failure duck...

Okay. The WE thing has to stop. Switching to 2nd person, extremely goddamn familiar.

You’re 48 (49 today) and everyone around you is seems so accomplished and has racked up cool resume worthy successes, which you learn about on that bastion or truth and moral rectitude--the twitter. They ARE things. While you? Are nothing in particular. Mostly a lot of “does not live up to potential.” And what the fuck have you done? 3k NY Times crossword puzzles? You haven’t published anything and maybe that’s because you’re not a very good writer. You’ve written a lot of shit in the last two decades, but where has it gotten you? Maybe you’re a dilettante with no substance. You can’t prove you aren’t.

People 20 years younger have accomplished so much more. Now you’re old and annoying and occasionally confused by the youths and their slang. You’re still never sure of the nuance of bougie because it seems to be used in so many different ways. You got cagey about telling anyone your age bc the number sounds alarming. You know you’re buying into a bullshit patriarchal system that devalues people further if they’re no longer baby factories.

And there was that bullshit when some partially baked people told adults to get out of fandom and you kind of said fuck that noise gently with a chainsaw, but you also felt bad. Like an old cranky dude in a ratty old bathrobe who pours  beer on his generic cheerios (tragically called rings’o’oats) and shovels them into his mouth thinking about how he could have BEEN someone, but was struck down by tragedy, or an ego so fragile a light breeze destroyed it. Who refuses to teach a young whipper snapper the ancient art of smacking an object from one place to another bc he’s golluming over his manpain. An off-brand Obi Wan who must be harassed to rejoin the human race and who starts to live again after helping some prodigy succeed. Except you? You’re in the ratty bathrobe phase, probably for eternity, and no one is coming to ask you to do anything, because you never did anything. You’re getting wrinkles and you feel invisible a lot of the time in a way that makes you want to set things on fire bc you’re a middle aged lady, who is not particularly pretty, accomplished, or a mom so wtf are you? And you know that’s a world of absolute bullshit, but you’re soaking it like it’s the world’s biggest tub of Palmolive and you don’t remember getting into it. You know what would make you feel better and give you an ersatz sense of accomplishment?”

And then I do another crossword puzzle. I went back into therapy with someone who specializes in adhd. It’s helping. I haven’t been around here much bc... welp. You’re reading this. I didn’t want to be No Face in Spirited Away vomiting all this trash on you, especially because I know it’s the most womp womp, irritating, middle aged white lady thinks her life is hard and must tell you about it at great length. But then I remember my shitty feelings are valid and I do not ever expect anyone to read this so I can put here if it helps me.

I will be fine. These are human shaped problems. But if you’ve read this nonsense and thought about it, giggled at it, or wondered if you should call someone like I’m a cat stuck in a tree who did not know fully comprehend the consequences of her actions? Thank you. I appreciate you. As always I hope a dog looks at you and wants to be your friend, or a cat walks on your hair because it loves you. (It should go without saying, but feel free to substitute any animal or item into my well wishes as per your requirements.) If you need an excuse to eat cake today--I have decreed that you must do this in my honor. But only if you feel like it and you can eat cake. Also the cake can be made of anything. The cake could be avocados or mathematical. Use your imagination.

To wit; I am 49 fucking years old today. I’m owning it. I’m owning every wrinkle and sun spot. (I started using a serum to deal with sun damage and it seems to work. People told me to wear sunscreen, but I did not.) I’m owning my own failures (and sun damage). I’m learning to own my successes too, especially the ones that don’t make sense to other people without a power point presentation, a Q&A, and a ritual burning of certain artifacts.

Here’s what I’ve done with my life. I’ve lived it.

[noblechaton]

sorry for this but i need 2 ramble a lil

ok so like first off health-wise i’ve been able to eat again for about a month now which has been nice but i’ve been really timid and slow about it and only go for things that i’ve been able to keep down bc i don’t wanna risk it (i eat a hot dog like every day at this point tho most of what i’ve tried has stayed down without much issue at this point but i spit certain things out on instinct like shrimp. i can still taste certain stuff hours after eating it too but it seems hard to figure out what foods and stuff cause it. it seems like certain flavors?? spices maybe?? also i started drinking alkaline water bc i heard it might help and idk if it did/does but i drink it all the time. maybe it’s related to the rest of this?? idk)

i’m not totally out of those woods yet tho i don’t think bc my neck/throat has been super uncomfortable and even in pain almost 24/7 the entire time i’ve been able to eat again and idk what that’s about. i kinda think it might be like not scabbed over but like it’s recovering from me losing ~40 pounds out the mouth for a month or two lol but i’m also really easily scared that it’s something more serious and do everything i can not to think about it (chewing gum has helped tbh)

and i still have tons of what i think is indigestion (as in a lot of burping lol. also it feels like food might still come up if i don’t make a conscious effort to keep it down whenever i burp too much or w/e) and i’m also still pretty uhhhhhh (gross word incoming) constipated and i think it’s making my stomach/sides hurt as a result (tho it could be due to my lack of eating or what I do eat not being great for that?? idk tho like i demolish rails of crackers and i think those are good for that?? maybe??)

and idk what to really do about all that at this point bc like. i’ve run every test i can really think of?? all of them came back good somehow meaning i supposedly don’t have the bad stuff i thought i did but like ik something isn’t right or else my throat wouldn’t feel weird?? since i got approved for legal weed i got a lil dropper thing but i’ve been really nervous about using it bc i’ve never done anything like that before and i don’t wanna fuck anything up since at least i can eat rn y’know?? (which is also why i haven’t been taking any medicine, especially my prescriptions which legit seem like they made things worse which isn’t surprising since some of them legit conflicted with each other but i also kinda wanna try pepto or tums again or something but again i’m nervous about ruining what lil peace i have)

i kinda wanna go back to a doctor but since they’ve been.........annoying to work with at best and bc i’ve gone so much this year i don’t really wanna go again and waste time/money if they’re not gonna be able to diagnose me y’know?? the only tests i can think to do at this point are another endoscopy, the one that goes up the other end and/or a (gross word incoming) stool test which idk like after a full year of my issues seemingly evading the doctors intentionally it’s hard to convince myself it’d be worth it but also i wanna be better now like 100% better and im tired of not knowing why i’ve been like this

beyond that tho i’ve been sleeping like pure shit and not going to bed before like 6am at best most days and waking up around 10am-1pm every day meaning i don’t get a lot of sleep anyway hhhh and my fam’s getting real testy lol which means this big trip we have planned for august might be real fun (if i don’t stay home with the cats anyway) and plus i really miss the cat bugs which is making things worse bc i don’t have anything to hyperfocus on rn (other than halo and kh1 lol)

all this health stuff has really like changed me and i’d like to think it’s mostly for the better but i need to get thru it to know for sure. like i wanna eat healthier again like i was and i wanna feel like working out and shit and not be as afraid as i’ve been (which has been so bad that i’m typically afraid to sleep but that’s been the case all year tbh). writing the lil bit i’ve written seems to have helped but i also feel like i’m kinda stumped up with that again which bites. plus i kinda haven’t had anyone to talk to about any of this since april where a few of my friends went radio silent on me (which was v cool) and so it’s all kinda been stuck in my head and gradually building and making things worse im sure 

idk. i just wanna be thru this and start really being myself again. it also sucks bc i keep feeling myself crushing/loving on two ppl who i do wanna confess to but i don’t wanna do that till i know i’m gonna be okay for sure but to do that i gotta go to a doctor again but there’s no guarantee they’ll actually figure it out since they’ve been as clueless as me but kinda rude sometimes too and hhhhhhhhhhh

[carolinesbookworld]

tagged by @kabeswaters and @swellwriting <3

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? 0

describe yourself in a hashtag? very similar to @fortisfiliae #stressedanddepressed

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? Harrison Osterfield

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? prepare for disaster

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? um...idk my boyfriend knows basically everything about me sooooooo

what’s your wake up ritual? wake up, turn off alarm (bc with this at-home learning stuff i’ve been waking up like literally 1 min before my alarm goes off???), text good morning to my bf, snapchat, discord bc moonlit fam talks allll night, tumblr, get out of bed, wash face, get dressed, coffee and breakfast it’s very specific

what’s your go to bed ritual? wash glasses and face bc my skin is soo oily by the end of the day so you best believe my glasses be needing washing everyday, shower, say goodnight to fam, text bf for like 15 mins or until he says goodnight, turn alarm on, plug in phone, go to sleep

what’s your favorite time of day? morning but specifically from 7:30 until 9  

your go to for having a good laugh? FRIENDS as in the show

dream country to visit? Australia bc my dad once got to hold a baby koala there and i wanna do that so bad

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? so my family moved before my sophomore year so me and my bff started trying to surprise each other whenever one of us came to visit and the weekend of my birthday, she skypes me as she’s walking around what i thought was her house and then i start hearing an echo and next thing i know she’s standing in the doorway of my room and that was pretty much the best surprise ever

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers converse

vintage or new? new but i love vintage aesthetic i just couldn’t live with it

who do you want to write your obituary? karli @swellwriting bc she is my brain twin and i would be mocking her horrible grammar and spelling from my grave and we would both get a good laugh about it in the afterlife

style icon? the mom i babysit for haha she’s like one of my best friends tho which sounds really weird but it’s true

what are three things you cannot live without? books, dogs, days that are exactly 65 degrees

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? um idk chocolate??

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? Sarah J. Maas, Eddie Redmayne, my boyfriend bc i haven’t had dinner with him for 47 days

what’s your biggest fear in life? losing the people i love...and spiders

window or aisle seat? window bc aisle makes me anxious that i’m in people’s way

what’s your current tv obsession? the cw’s nancy drew it’s so good please go watch it

favorite app? instagram, discord, or tumblr, depends on my mood

secret talent? um idk i can draw very realistic portraits of people when i take the time to

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? okay so technically this wasn’t me who did it but i was part of the adventure. when me and my boyfriend were just “friends” ie. liked each other and knew we liked each other but were too scared to admit it. anyway, we had this elaborate plan to shave our youth group leader’s head if we were able to bring in a certain amount of food for the food drive during vbs week. so yeah we spent like three days planning the whole thing out and then decided to go price shopping at walmart with all of our younger siblings bc we needed supervision or something lol to see how many individual things of food we could buy with $20 each we ended up just getting like 20 huge boxes of ramen and then his sister ended up throwing up so we took her home and then went back to church where my car was parked but instead of turning to get to church my boyfriend decides to go straight through the stop light (it was green okay) and spontaneously drive up into the foothills. well we get to the top of the foothills and we’re at the lake and we all get out to look at the city and my boyfriend claims that we need to document this moment so he takes a selfie with all of us and we somehow ended up right next to each other in it and i only found this out like three months ago (this happened back in june) that he only took the picture because he wanted one of us together in case we didn’t start dating lol so sweet and yeah, that was a very long story but i needed context instead of just saying “yeah we drove up a mountain”

how would you define yourself in three words? loyal, anxious, passionate

favorite piece of clothing you own? this dark coral dress that makes my eyes and hair look really pretty

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a hoodie

a superpower you would want? i want to be able to project my thoughts into someone else’s mind bc i’m so bad at explaining stuff sometimes especially when it comes to how i feel

what’s inspiring you in life right now? ACOTAR series by Sarah J. Maas, highly recommend

best piece of advice you’ve received? opening up to more than one person is important because if you lose that person then you’ve lost all your support

best advice you’d give your teenage self? the friends who have stuck around this long are the ones you want to hang onto and the ones that you need are the ones you don’t always see

a book everyone should read? The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

what would you like to be remembered for? being a crazy dog mama

how do you define beauty? confidence in yourself and not caring what others think about you

what do you love most about your body? my metabolism

best way to take a rest/decompress? open a window to feel the breeze and listen to Islands by Hey Ocean! which is so calming to me

favorite place to view art? nature or tumblr

if your life was a song, what would the title be? we’re going with a fob/p!atd theme here and calling it “depression screwed me over so i screwed it back and ended up worse off”

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? probably on my forearm or by my left hip

dolphins or koalas? koalas did i mention that i want to hold a baby koala

what’s an animal that represents you? great dane puppy ie. very excitable but will also take a four hour nap when tired

best gift you’ve ever received? my best friend made this photo collage for me when i moved that is hanging in my room and it has a bunch of pictures of me and her over the years and i just love it

best gift you’ve given? for christmas i gave my boyfriend a hammock and the bookshelf addition of clue, two things he had no idea i would remember him mentioning and his face was priceless. also i made my mom a cake for her birthday this year and she was so happy and said it made her feel very special <3

what’s your favorite board game? clue or ticket to ride (specifically nordic countries)

what’s your favorite color? currently a pale turquoise

least favorite color? any shade of light brown

diamond or pearls? diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore bc i don’t wear makeup enough to validate buying designer, also i don’t really care

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee cof-

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? palindrome is wild because it means a word spelled the same way forwards and backwards but it itself is not one such word

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk

stairs or elevators? stairs

summer or winter? summer but like, only june

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? panera mac n cheese

a dessert you don’t like? red velvet cake which btw is not red-colored chocolate cake as many would have you believe

a skill you’re working on mastering? writing

best thing to happen to you today? i got to put all of my new plants in my windowsill and i named one of them (its name is albert in case you were wondering)

worst thing to happen to you today? idk today’s been pretty good as far as quarantine goes

best compliment you’ve ever received? my boyfriend calls me beautiful all the time and he always reminds me that that is describing looks and personality

favorite smell? coffee or my boyfriend’s sweatshirt for the week after i steal it

hugs or kisses? can i choose both?? depends on my mood mostly but i guess hugs if i just had to pick one

if you made a documentary, would it be about? literally anything relating to the mcu

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? a court of wings and ruin by sjm

lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? literally any female in the teen wolf cast

how do you know you’re in love? hahahaha haha what's love

a song you can listen to on repeat? we fall apart by we as human or uma thurman by fob

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? idk my boyfriend probably, this is something we have discussed in depth

what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? for life to go back to normal

tagging @finnofamerica @woakiees @beskarjedi @outerlacy @swanimagines hahahahaha have funnnnn this took me an hour to answer

[alphonseelriic]

3, 4, 10, 11, 12, 17, 20, 21, 26, 31 :)

3. rant. just do it

Ok, maybe this will be a little mean but can someone....tell native english speakers that no one cares about jap sub vs eng dub discourse except themselves? Like, they are sooo tiring and at the end of the day it's just a matter of personal preference... The people who feel superior for watching subs are dumb/pretentious and I won't defend them, but also some of the arguments in favor of dubs kinda make me salty bc they come from a place of such privilege, like "some people don't like reading subtitles" or "some people prefer consuming media in their own language", and yeah i'm not saying they aren't valid but it's obvious those things only apply to english speakers bc the rest of the world does not have the freedom to choose most of the time. This is speacially bad outside of anime, like what happened with Parasite. So many entitled americans bitching about having to see a foreign film.....s h u t u p

4. do you think its ok to separate the artist from the art?

Oh, this is a complex one. I think it depends on the situation. You always have to think critically of the media you consume, specially if the person who created it ended up being an asshole. Mostly because their ideology could be inside that media in a subliminal way, or you could end up supporting them without wanting to. I also think it's important to look at time periods. Personally I don't believe it's bad to, for example, read a book from a problematic author who has been dead for 200 years, it's not like your purchase will give them any money lol and at the end of the day pretty much all authors from other centuries have been some kind of -ist or -phobic 🤷🏻‍♀️ If the author is alive then that's a different story. Supporting artists who are well known for being horrible or, even worse, excusing their actions is not something I condone. You can always find a way of consuming their media without giving them money if you really want to (pirating is a good option :p). So yeah, I'm not gonna be policing ppl and telling them what they can or cannot like, but all of this is somethins I take into consideration while consuming media myself (for example, JK Rowling's stupidity and hatefulness these recent years have killed the little love I had left for HP...)

10. name a dog

So...any dog? How could I choose between so many good boys? Well, i'll say Black Hayate for fictional dog, and Maya (mayapolarbear on IG) for irl dog bc I love her.

11. what unusual talent do you have?

Well, my friends used to say I could "speak whale" like in Finding Nemo bc I can deepen my voice a lot. I also can bend my fingers in a really weird way (my fingers are the only flexible part of my body). I think my most useful talent is being able to "drag" my writing while making papers/essays/etc in a believable way, so I can say something in 20 words while other people say it in 5, it comes in handy.

12. what's the most interesting schools gossip you've ever heard?

Oh boy, there were some wild rumors at my school. I think the one that caugh my attention the most was one about some girl a year older than me being pregnant. The thing is, whe didn't know who it was bc people were just saying "they say a girl from senior year is pregnant", so everyone was desperate to know lmao I don't know how that ended up....now that I think about it that was fucked up, if it was true then poor girl.

Also, we had a literature teacher who was really strict and had a pretty peculiar personality. People used to say she was going to get married but her fiancee abandoned her (like, her tragic backstory and reason for being like that), it was probably false 🤣

Also in elementary school there were a lot of rumors about the statues in our church "crying blood" while no one was watching. This became so widespread that the director made a speech confirming it was false and said we should not be spreading such blasphemous things.....catholic schools really are something else.

17. google the top song from the year you were born

I searched top song from 1999 and the first two results are Livin' la vida loca and I want it that way. Sounds like a good year for music hah

20. describe your blog in 3-5 words

Young adult who likes procrastinating.

21. what's a conspiracy you believe in?

Already answered in my last ask!

26. crowds or small groups?

Small groups. I hate crowds, always have and always will. Also, I don't know if this is normal or not but if I spend too much time in a crowded place I start to feel dizzy/light headed.

31. you can change one thing about your life right now. what are you changing?

This horrible situation we are all in, honestly. I just want things to go back to normal but that won’t happen if people keep being selfish and governments keep caring more about economy than people’s lifes :/ Apart from that, i’m pretty ok with my life? I still haven’t achieved much but I don’t want to rush things, I have time.

Thanks so much for asking, this was a lot of fun 💕

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

u guys know how crystalisks change color depending on element?

ohhh yeah

tl;dr: i went off on crystalisks for a while, started talking about vault monsters/guardians and siren tattoos, bloodwing, krieg, the elemental hierarchy, the bandits that got mutated by the vault key piece, the eridian ruins powering up, the moon [elpis] being teleported in that new vid we got with steve and claptrap, i rant about eleseer and technologically created pocket dimensions (heyo), and also there’s commander lily spoilers in here so be warned

i talked about a lot of things. i promise i linked them all together. somehow.

so we got the normal crystalisks that do explosive stuff

got Blue (the aptly named big blue crystalisk) that deals shock damage

(we also see a few more in hayter’s folly)

got Rouge the red one that deals fire damage

I’m honestly surprised we haven’t seen any green crystalisks since they’re pretty common in the caustic caverns.

anyway the reason im bringing this up now is because a very very long time ago (jesus christ, 2017) i had a theory that crystalisks were kinda like pets to the Eridians, like guard dogs of the ruins in the caustic caverns. which could explain why they were friendly (iirc Blue was even playing fetch with Booth) until Dahl started mining them

mostly cause of the guardian ruins everywhere

also, they show up in the Vault of the Warrior, as well. which is curious.

the other reason im bringing this up now is because im wondering if their crystals have any relation whatsoever to the purple crystals we see sprouting out of the ground in bl3.

they hang out in the ground when not active, mimicking said crystals, and there are yellow crystals sprouting out of the ground in bl2 that, when meleed, produce the same crystals crystalisks do when they die. (tho now im wondering if we’ve just been senselessly murdering crystalisk babies :|)

bonus: we know threshers are native to elpis, not pandora, and their blood is green. Crystalisk blood is blue, which could possibly hint at the fact they’re an alien species to Pandora. AFAIK rakk, skag, bullymong, stalker, and spiderant blood is all red. and so is bandit blood. (unless they’ve been huffing Eridium sludge like Zarpedon. then it glows purple i guess.)

anyway

you guys know how vault monsters change color based on element?

just recently fought this bad boy so i have a plethora of pictures

(this one is cryo)

(slag/base- which you know, makes sense. gotta slag em before u can swap guns)

(this one is shock)

nasty boy

also, interesting to note: we never got ‘explosive’ as an element with the sentinel and in bl3, explosive was taken out of the element list

you know how Siren tattoos also change color based on element?

sorry i would show amara’s green/corrosive tattoos BUT this was the leaked clip that i had on hand

ohhhh yeah.

now we know Siren tattoos are blue when using their base powers. according to amara, this blue means electricity is the ‘base’ element for sirens (which just plain isn’t true given what we’ve seen with maya and lilith, unless they show that further in bl3 where lilith uses phasewalk without her tattoos going red... which I’m guessing will not happen lol)

which has me like 🤔

we know in the original borderlands the vault key is blue for the vault of the destroyer

in all it’s technological glory

then it changes to purple in bl2. and apparently, we even get red in bl3.

so i know what you’re thinking “well blue must be the base element then” but imma posit that it’s actually not

We know the sentinel, when it comes out of the Vault, the first element it is is ‘purple’ (aka slag/eridium i guess, since slag isn’t in TPS). which, as we said above, makes sense.

we know the Warrior was a biological weapon built/modified by the Eridians for... some reason. It was under complete control of whoever opened the Vault. (the warrior actually has 2 elements afaik, the slag tail/wings and the fire)

I wanna say we were SUPPOSED to open the Vault of the Warrior first. Then open the Vault of the Destroyer and annihilate it with our new cool biological weapon

so then the order would be purple -> blue -> uhhh something something

oh and Siren tattoos appear to always be purple when interacting with Eridium stuff

like when Lily touches the vault key in the Vault of the Warrior, her tattoos glow purple

when Lilith is being mind controlled by Jack/the collar/charging Eridium her tattoos are purple

etc etc

also MAJOR COMMANDER LILY SPOILERS BELOW

her tattoos glow purple during the final cutscene i believe. bonus i’m pretty sure the vault map was glowing white when inside hector. it was still purple on the outside tho soooo take that as you will. i had a picture but i removed it because i didn’t wanna spoil anything for anyone. the whispy bits do remind me of angel’s wings

SPOILERS ARE DONE

dunno if any of this is important but i will say

when u fight a badass skag that’s been charged by an element and is implied to be the result of eridium runoff aka slag? mmm that’s the good shit.

Bloodwing?? her base color is purple. but jack is able to change her element based on outside stimuli (and, again, explosive isn’t actually seen as an element, just a joke... a really... fucked up... joke...)

we also know a lot of the bandits were mutated by the vault key (piece?) in sledge’s mine. might help explain burning psychos (the ones that are literally on fire). 

also maybe the eridian ruins are starting to give off ‘radiation’. you know how the original Eridian Ruins in BL1 were like white/blueish and then all the ones we find in BL2 are purple-ish? maybe they started charging up once the first Vault was opened and that allowed more and more bandits to start getting 

borderlands 1

vs

borderlands 2

(sorry for the shitty screencap, i hope it’s clear enough)

oh also maybe krieg’s ability to breathe fire and light himself on fire since he was a hyperion experiment. dunno if they did slag testing on him or not but... all things considered... it’s a probably maybe. wasn’t his assassin’s assassin the woman in the ECHO logs you find around the WEP?

also Terry the thresher? probably mutated like hell from living in those Vault ruins. might explain the size. also threshers being from the moon might just give them the fire/wormhole abilities inherently. since apparently the moon is some top secret eridian base that can see the future. im not even surprised. also you know. terry drops e-tech stuff upon decimation.

anyway i think Pandora is a lot older than Elpis and that’s why Elpis appears super fucking high-tech compared to Pandora’s ruins.

I mean look at the above then look down here

which makes sense, you’d make the planet before you make the moon yeah?

so elpis was probably put in place to watch over Pandora, maybe the Destroyer and the Warrior’s fight or maybe even to predict the future of that fight. maybe the eridians got paranoid and were like ‘fuck this’ and vanished because they were told they couldn’t win.

i do go into that whole theory of ‘zarpedon saw what the twins are about to do in bl3 and jack ain’t shit’ in an older post of mine so i won’t go into it here, but that’s another option as to why the eridians just booked it the hell outta dodge

bonus: in tycho’s ribs, some of the glowy lights are not actually purple, they’re red-ish

which has me thinking about the glowing red Vault Map we see in the Dev trailer. wonder if that’s going to lead up to elpis

oh! and speaking of elpis

yeah i don’t think that’s just an aesthetic thing cause holy shit

we’re all going to die!

yeah i actually have no idea what’s happening to the moon here

but im going to take a wild guess and draw your attention to that one scene with lilith

when she uhhh teleports in using her firehawk powers

we see it again when tyreen teleports in bandits on promethea

and they look

really

darn

familiar

im not saying we’re gonna teleport the moon but hOLY SHIT would that be F*CKING AWESOME

we also know ‘the moon is the key’ as shown on the cover art sooooo

it’s entirely possible?

which brings me to another point i made a while ago when the booth intro got leaked and i was talking about the ‘vault’ ‘not-vault’ area and decided it was on pandora because of the moon, but made a joke that maybe it wasn’t because i guess we could just move the moon.

what if it actually wasn’t lmao

nah im just playing, i’m pretty sure those are Rakk flying around there, but HEY it’d be cool!

also it’s pretty fucked up what’s happening on elpis considering it looks like it’s being bathed in fire... sucks for everyone on concordia but hey, if it means getting rid of pickle, im game.

OH GOD DAMN IT HE WAS ON SANCTUARY WITH TINA FUC-

anyway.

i wanna move the moon

oh also im still not convinced eleseer isn’t found by going thru a wormhole/alternate dimension/pocket rip/whatever

like, you know how to fight the Sentinel you go inside that giant purple crystal that looks like/is probably eridium? and the arena is WAYYY bigger than it ought to be? and it looks like the outside is made out of glowing graph paper and sick guy fieri flames that’s probably supposed to imply some sort of technological feeling?

oh and it does the “lilith just yeeted u to bloodshot stronghold- just kidding’ effect! which... y’know. my only gripe with that is it actually does appear to be somewhere inside eleseer given if u look at the ceiling it does look to be the same sky you see outside eleseer... but where the fck is eleseer... is it in another dimension inside the moon? bc i still refuse to believe the entire moon is being supported by that area... wouldn’t you see the crust?? somewhere? and it being in another dimension would help explain the whole ‘yeah you’re exactly where you were five seconds ago... but also you’re not because you’re in this arena and it’s clipping except it’s not so even though the sky looks the same because you’re in the same exactly spot you were in 5 seconds ago, you’re actually not (but you are)’. because what the fuck my scrub brain can’t comprehend that!

but god i wanna know if the eridians were harnessing the power of eridium and learned how to create pocket dimensions using their technology and fuckin DID IT the mad lads. i mean isn’t that what Vaults are? just little rips in this dimension. it’s the good shit.

also i wanna know why the Destroyer seemed to have pockets of slag/eridium on it’s tentacles when he’s supposed to be the VILLAIN tm of bl1 and also the eridians. might help explain why eridium only starts appearing after you off that physical rendition of him. also [see that one post i made about the crystals being corpses].

wow.

yeah.

i just spent a straight 2 hours doing nothing but typing this post. i should really go to bed. imma go do that

tomorrow i wanna talk about the seraph vendor. cause i can.

[kuriboo]

so. yugioh vrains is over. the last episode has aired.and with that in mind, with three seasons of this show, i’ve still got a lot of feelings about this show. especially that last episode. so i guess this is sort of the final thoughts and feelings post about yugioh vrains. not the last post in general about yugioh vrains. just the big opinions post, i guess, because there’s a lot.

yugioh vrains was good

yugioh vrains was very good. i liked it a lot. and me liking it a lot is the only criteria here for whether i’ll say it’s good or bad. i liked it! so it’s good.

i’m also very thankful that vrains has broken a curse yugioh has been suffering for awhile now. we’re talking about the dub. and no, i don’t really care that much that the dub censored some bullets, i think it’s funny, but i don’t care otherwise. this is just about general dub quality. zexal’s dub was bad. written bad quite a bit of the time, and a lot of the voice acting was just, not good. arc v, i can’t speak for the writing, because i only have seen like ten episodes of it, which is to be fair more than most people on this website, but the voice acting in arc v is atrocious, it’s worse than zexal. i’ve seen 20 episodes of the vrains dub, and look, i know. i know arc v’s main villain sounded like iago from fucking aladdin, i know that dub yusaku is voiced by someone who did voicework in zexal. but in 20 episodes of vrains, there wasn’t a single voice i didn’t like. the voice acting in vrains is good. and the dub is written well! it’s actually funny! i think i actually laughed more with the vrains dub than the sub for those 20 episodes. you know how the zexal dub tried to be funny every episode but it was just obnoxious? vrains was actually funny. the jokes are actually good. it’s been awhile since yugioh’s been dubbed well, and it was refreshing. the only thing i don’t like about the dub is that it only airs in canada and it’s impossible to watch in like any way online. i’m not done watching the dub btw eventually i’ll be able to watch more and i will watch more and i’ll be back here in this tag. if nothing else, i’m hoping it joins the other yugiohs on hulu or something when the dub’s done in like, two years. and if there’s a vrains manga i’ll definitely read it but like. shrugs on that.

the show’s got big megaman battle network, code lyoko, and the world ends with you vibes. i’m not saying this to knock vrains or anything. i love vrains. but if you like any of those games/shows, and you haven’t given vrains a chance, even if you haven’t watched any other yugioh series, i highly recommend it. the card games in vrains were very secondary to the story itself, and i think that went a long ways here, it worked well. 

so like, how was vrains, how did i feel about it

season one...season one was really good. in hindsight, season one had some good foreshadowing for season three. season one was probably my favorite season, though, but not by much. season one showed yusaku in school the most and i actually loved all the school scenes. revolver’s a really cool and interesting character, and while i’m glad he stopped being a villain after season one and went the sort of anti-hero route, revolver did make a really good villain. uncovering the mystery of the lost incident was fun. a lot of people guessed early on that revolver was both the person yusaku was trying to take down and the person he was trying to save, way before yusaku himself figured it out, but that wasn’t a bad thing at all. i’m pretty sure the show wanted the audience to figure it out before our protagonist, and the reward itself felt pretty rewarding. revolver has cool dragons, yusaku got a cool dragon, ai got insulted a lot, kusanagi was there, definitely a solid season.

season two was easily my least favorite season. bohman and blood shepherd kinda ruined it for me. thoguh, to be fair, blood shepherd didn’t do much. he gave us an excuse to get some takeru flashback, which we could’ve gotten through other means, and he sort of revealed judgement arrows and helped everyone be able to prepare for it, but like, anyone could do that. i hate blood shepherd a lot, but he’s easy for me to forget. i forgot him between episodes a lot, actually, and when he’d show up i’d have to be like, oh that asshole exists. bohman was worse because he was the main antagonist of season two. and he shouldn’t have been. bohman wasn’t a good villain imo! i feel like he wasn’t written super well. i can sort of make him work out in my head, but i don’t like him, and he kept just pulling ideas out that seemingly came from nowhere. he’d make these leaps that were hard for me to follow, and this was after lightning stopped messing with his memories. and since bohman was the main antagonist and because i really didn’t like him, it made it hard for me to enjoy season two. there were other good things in season two. takeru joined the scene in this season, and i love takeru a lot. i require apologies from everyone who didn’t trust my man takeru. lightning was a really good villain (lightning should’ve been the main antagonist imo), was very interesting, and i liked lightning a lot. and hell, haru was alright! i kinda wish they did more with haru. season two wasn’t bad by any means. we also saw the story of how kusanagi and yusaku met in season 2, and those were some of my favorite episodes of the season, along with the yusaku vs kusanagi duel. the story and message was good (though that doesn’t boost it up a ton given season 3 had the same messages) but honestly i just really don’t like bohman.

season 3 is very close to being my favorite season. this is the season of the protagonist having to face against their partner. it happens in like, any yugioh where the protagonist has a partner. vrains didn’t disappoint on that front. this season felt short! season two felt like it dragged on forever and season three felt short. it didn’t necessarily feel like it needed to be longer, when it ended, though. i just wish the show wasn’t over lmao. everyone got baited super hard like episode 1 when everyone thought queen would be the next antagonist after lightning + bohman and then she super wasn’t, which was kinda funny. most of hte time this season i was just yelling at ai to tell me the truth. i loved roboppy and ai this season. and im SO sad about what happened to them!! ai and roboppy were written really well, they made really good villains. i’ll definitely be making more posts about ai in the future. and also, that epilogue though!!! i didn’t get into it when i watched bc i was in a hurry, but!!! jin looks really happy, i love his haircut! and kusanagi is keeping the hot dog truck open so that yusaku still has a place to come home to! im gonna cry!!!! the knights of hanoi are all super good now and i love them. akira’s the ceo of sol!!! it’s what he deserves!!!!! and the whole takeru + kiku scene was really nice. everyone was screaming about that ship being canon now, which i guess it is? i didn’t read it as romantic, i read it as “kiku is a little scared about everything with vrains and takeru is helping her feel safe and secure, like, making sure she doesn’t fall off his hoverboard and shit”. i honestly read it more as takeru still being gay for yusaku while thinking about how cool yusaku is lmao. but i know yusaku + takeru will never be canon, i never thought it would be, and knowing yugioh, takeru + kiku im sure is supposed to be canon so like. it’s not a bad ship. i’m surprised how many people i see like that ship? but it’s just not for me i guess. im happy for yall who wanted this though. and that last scene!!!! we saw ai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’ll save thoughts on that another time i guess, including yusaku post that time skip.

i liked shima a lot this series. i honestly wish there was more of him lmao. i mostly wanted more yusaku + shima interaction, not in terms of shima finding out yusaku was playmaker, i just wanted the two of them to bond more. i wanted to see more of them being friends (read: shima forcing his friendship on yusaku and yusaku reluctantly goes along with it but actually likes it more as time goes on). and i wish we got to see takeru in the duel club at least once. takeru and yusaku both going to one meeting and yusaku sleeps through it and takeru is pumped and like taking notes and shit and shima is just like how can yusaku sleep through it this is the best!!!

aoi....i have mixed feelings on. i liked her a lot in season one, and i liked her a lot in half of season two. i really don’t like the blue maiden avatar (i did like blue girl!), and i preferred the trickstars over marincesses. i did enjoy her figuring out yusaku was playmaker though, that was a fun scene. i like aoi a lot still, love that girl, but after a point i stopped liking what they were doing with her.

they did ghost gal dirty. ghost gal was GREAT in season one. i loved her. and then they gave her a brother, her brother was shit, and everything about ghost gal got thrown out the window so that her character could revolve only around her shit brother. i feel so bad for her. i mean, i kinda get it? this whole thing’s about bonds, a lot of the bonds focused on were familial bonds (either in the blood family or found family sense, there was both). but ghost gal was already developing a sort of family-ish bond with akira and aoi by that point. i never felt like she needed anything else. she still could’ve done cool things in seasons two and three without having a shitstain forced into her life.

im madly in love with kusanagi and if anyone says a single bad thing about him i will stomp you to death with my hooves

i’m running out of people to talk about here i can’t avoid it anymore i’ll talk about blood shepherd now. i hate him. i hate him. he’s an idiot. i’ve yelled about this before and i’ll do it again. some shit happened to him because of malfunctioning ai or whatever. cool. great. now he has a grudge against all ai. that makes no sense. if im playing basketball and i get hit in the head by a basketball (by accident) am i gonna blame the basketball? no, i’ll either blame the person who threw it or myself for not noticing it and letting myself get hit. if i sprain my wrist playing volleyball am i gonna get mad at the volleyball? no, i’m mad at myself for messing up and playing in a way that caused that injury. if i get in a car accident because my car brake stops working, am i going to blame the car itself? maybe a little, but not as much as either the manufacturer or, if i recently had work done on the brake, the mechanic i visited. see, these things are all inanimate objects with no malicious intent or free will. since vrains is one of those shows, it may sound cruel comparing an AI to a car or a basketball. but the ignis (all generations, we’ll include pandor and bohman and haru in here for simplicitiy’s sake) are a special case. the ignis specifically stand out because they were made with free will. other artificial intelligence does not have that. it cannot have malicious intent. artificial intelligence cannot do anything it is not programmed to be able to do. it cannot hurt or kill someone, unless it is either programmed to have that function, or you’re looking at an ignis. and blood shepherd KNOWS THIS, because he became a hacker, and even REPROGRAMMED AN AI THAT WASNT SUPPOSED TO LIE TO LIE FOR HIM. along the way, he would’ve had to learn that somewhere. an ai malfunctioned and caused blood shepherd and his mom to get in a car accident. the ai itself isn’t to blame for that! that’s the fault of whoever made it!! or if the car was hacked to cause that problem, it’s the car manufacturer’s fault! you blame those people!!! and if blood shepherd went after those groups it’d be fine! instead he goes after artificial intelligences because he’s the biggest fucking idiot the world has ever seen. this does not make sense, even in the vrains universe, because again, the ignis are the only ai with free will and who can make their own decisions. any other ai cannot do something like this on purpose. the solution is to make ai better, not get rid of them. the solution is to improve security. not get rid of ai. at this point ai is so ingrained in society that you’re not gonna accomplish that anyway. oh, and i hate blood shepherd for what he did to ghost gal’s character. other than that, he was cool for two episodes before we learned his bullshit backstory, and he hasn’t done a single thing i liked since except he died twice, and i liked those parts. i fucking HATE blood shepherd. easily one of the worst yugioh characters ever. i could rant on about bohman, too, but im tired.

i don’t have bad things to say about a lot of characters. yusaku, kusanagi, jin, ai, roboppy, revolver, lightning, aqua, akira, earth, go onizuka, windy, i don’t really have bad things to say about them now that the series is over. i liked them a lot!!! they were really good. 

i guess the bottom line of this is, i wish yugioh treated its girls and its “joke characters” or “comic relief characters” better. and i wish bohman and blood shepherd didn’t exist, or were executed better. other than that, very solid.

if you were curious about my preferred ships here, yusaku + takeru is the best ship this show has to offer and it’s a shame more people don’t like it, and miyu + aoi is really good. anything else is like, okay, but i don’t love it. the show’s most popular ships are fine but not for me. yusaku + ryoken is okay but doesn’t really work in universe for me, i don’t love it but it’s fine, and it’s aight in a like real au setting. i don’t think there’s any ships i don’t really like, not like, other than the obvious. but these two are the best. 

all in all, vrains was really good. this show helped me through some real bad times, and will continue to do so as bad times continue. i love it lots, it holds a special place in my heart, and im glad i was able to watch it. im excited for whatever yugioh has to offer next, especially following this, because vrains is definitely one of my favorite yugioh series over all. it was a lot of fun and made me suffer and cry a lot and it was just...a good time. please watch it if you haven’t. thanks for going on this journey with me. i’ll probably end up talking more about bigger characters like yusaku and ryoken and takeru and kusanagi and ai more in different posts. ive talked enough here already