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extraordinarilyextreme · 4 years

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finally watched Guardian (2018) and i need to talk

Warning: contains MASSIVE SPOILERS, probably too much music/song analysis, my poor translations from Chinese to English, and some references to the original novel (disclaimer: my novel-reading was mostly jumping around because i have a problem where I’m not fluent enough to read the original Chinese novel and I don’t usually like English translations)

1. the freakin opening theme: We Won’t Be Falling by Chen Xueran... (also I see you Tina Guo on the cello thank you queen)

the amount of chills i get every time an episode starts,,, fantastic! marvelous! the lyrics are very VERY apt to the story of Guardian, esp this drama adaptation

(“We are the one/We will be holding on/For the promise we held for life/For the people we love are leaving” ... “And the story will keep on going”)

1.1. the promise? may i direct you to novel chapter 75?

Shen Wei: “Sometimes I think if one day you can remember everything, then I will be able to say to you: look, I did it, I did all that I had promised you; not one bit did I miss, not one word did I go back on.”

they promise to keep the peace, to protect both Haixing and Dixing; and in the show, it’s a promise they keep with their lives

2. Zhu Yilong plays THREE characters and is able to differentiate them perfectly with particular microexpressions

-Ye Zun (literally, “Respect the Night”; “Lord/Master of the Night” would be a better title) sets off my fight-or-flight instincts even though i think his name tries a little too hard to be edgy; the way he sneers, the smiles that don’t reach his eyes, also that infamous tongue flick when Zhao Yunlan sees through the act... i think it’s both great and sad that Yunlan could differentiate the twins because, why, Shen Wei would never be so openly flirtatious (and wear a deep-cut shirt like that lol)... the delivery of “Xiao Yunlan” disturbed me so much—wonderful, stellar acting

-Black Cloaked Envoy: does his best to bend the rules where he can for the Dixingren because he’s just so fundamentally GOOD; he’s empathetic despite how stern and strict he seems to be, and how much he claims to enforce the clearly-cut laws... he’s an absolute babie ten thousand years ago (Yunlan, doesn’t it hurt your conscience to flirt with such a babie?)

-Shen Wei: in the novel, his name (both surname and first name) are given to him by Kun Lun’s incarnations—there’s a lot of power in naming something, in naming someone; he’s good-natured and gentle, always polite... he pushes up the glasses [that he doesn’t need] a lot, perhaps because he’s used to pushing up his mask as the Envoy

2.1. i find it very striking that Shen Wei dies without his glasses; he doesn’t die as the Envoy, he doesn’t die as the Professor; he dies as a person, as the person who loves Yunlan the most and has loved Yunlan for ten thousand years

2.2. the other notable moments we see Shen Wei without his glasses are where he apologizes to Yunlan [and Yunlan apologizes at the same time because they’re pining idiots] for not noticing the camera in his office, where he sets aside all his pride as Envoy and Professor and kneels in the rain for the man he loves (lwj kneeling after visiting the Burial Mounds, yea?), and of course after he slices up an orange [cuz food = love] only to find Yunlan asleep and drapes his jacket over the silly silly man... anyway, Yunlan is indeed the only person Shen Wei is comfortable enough to reveal everything to, all defenses and masks (literal and figurative) lowered

2.3. that last instance (ep 26) is when Shen Wei pulls out his necklace and reminisces as he gazes fondly at Yunlan; the song that plays during this is 《乱心曲》or “Chaotic Heart Song”... may I direct you to novel chapter 65 where Yunlan finds all the paintings and pictures his Xiao Wei has kept from the centuries?

“邓林之阴初见昆仑君，惊鸿一瞥，乱我心曲。” which translates to “In the shade of the woods I first saw Kunlun-jun; a glimpse of his grace wrought chaos in my heart’s song”

2.4. but also let’s not forget the [in]famous cut wrist scene of ep 23, where our dear Shen Wei, without glasses, as a person who loves Yunlan—not the aloof Envoy or the well-spoken Professor—is reduced to two words: “Worth it.” Yunlan is worth everything to him; this goes without question, without a second thought. Kun Lun (Yunlan) told him not to regret whatever decisions he’ll make, and Ye Zun scolds and laughs at his brother for giving up his life for a human/Haixingren, but of course Shen Wei doesn’t regret dying to protect Yunlan, dying to protect Haixing. (also, peep the behind-the-scenes where Shen Wei grabs Yunlan’s hand for a moment as he blocks the attack from Ye Zun)

2.5. on this same train of thought, Da Qing brings up a line from ten thousand years ago where Shen Wei claimed he would never kill unless it was for the world... and, well, he kills for Yunlan doesn’t he?

3. Bai Yu plays our charismatic Chief Zhao Yunlan/Kun Lun and hoo boy does he do an excellent job; the found family vibes of the SIU are spectacular and the way he flirts with tries to recruit Professor Shen is endearing and touching

3.1. there’s another piece from the OST called 《一点真心》, translated to “A Little Sincerity” though I would use “A Bit of a Sincere Heart” because it too references the novel

Kun Lun’s confession to Xiao Wei: “我富有天下名山大川，想起来也没什么稀奇的，不过就是一堆烂石头野河水，浑身上下，大概也就只有这几分真心能上秤卖上两斤，你要？拿去。” [I’m rich with famed mountains and endless rivers under heaven, but none of it feels rare when I think about it. It’s all just a pile of broken stones and uncultivated streams. From head to toe, there is probably only this bit of my sincere heart that is worth anything weighed on a scale. You want it? Take it.]

Zhao Yunlan’s confession to Shen Wei: “我别的东西也有，只是你可能大多都看不上，只有这一点真心……你要是不接着，那就算了吧。” [I have other things, only you probably would not think much of them. There’s only this bit of my sincere heart... If you don’t want to catch it, then forget it.)

And Shen Wei’s reply to Yunlan’s confession is of course “我接住了。” [I’ve caught it.]

3.2. the novel is a happy ending because Xiao Guo’s important role actually plays a part (i literally don’t understand why the show couldn’t do that after they built up so many expectations about his good character/merit/inability to be corrupted but ANYWAY)... Shen Wei, Xiao Wei, the little Ghost King has a soul and wow isn’t that just beautiful after everything he did to become worthy/deserving of Kun Lun’s attention and love

4. the Zhang Ruonnan and Wang Yike (death-touch Dixingren) case in ep 3 is an obvious parallel to the “brotherly” relationship of WeiLan... Shen Wei’s line of “Many tragedies were destined from the start” references the show of course but also the paradoxical precognition that marks the drama version of WeiLan; in both of their “first meetings”, one of them was always already in love with the other—Yunlan, as Kun Lun, knew he would have to return to his own time at some point and thus doom this impressionable young Envoy to ten thousand years of waiting and Shen Wei (honestly in a Code Geass Lelouch kinda style) knew he would have to die to defeat his brother

4.1. the importance of “touch” in this case alludes to novel WeiLan, where of course Shen Wei watched over all of Kun Lun’s incarnations but wasn’t allowed to get close to him because hungry ghosts would inevitably devour the essence of the people around them; similarly Yike was terrified of touching Ruonnan all this time... but Ruonnan accepted her (just like how novel Kun Lun lets this intriguing little Ghost King trail after him)

4.2. speaking of Shen Wei’s grand plans and the idea of “knowing”, Yunlan reminds him that “You are not a weapon/blade, you are a person.” and wow once again, only Yunlan can pull the humanity from Shen Wei, who has carefully crafted his disguise and personality to fit what people expect of the Envoy and the Professor... but alas, Shen Wei fulfills his promise by in fact making himself a weapon; he poisons himself to become a bomb that will take down his brother

4.3. as many qualms and complaints as I have with Chinese censorship, much in the case of WangXian, i think i prefer the drama version of WeiLan to the novel version; the plot of the Guardian novel is a lot better in my opinion (with references to mythology and legends, as opposed to, what, aliens?? mutants from X-Men? quirks in My Hero Academia??) and yea the relationship of Kun Lun with Xiao Wei is built up a lot better and makes more sense than the time-travel of Yunlan masquerading as Kun Lun with Shen Wei... but there’s an unadulterated, unconditional kind of love that runs through the drama, whereas the novel had some darker (though probably more realistic) vibes of near-possessiveness and ulterior motives... Kun Lun/Yunlan in the novel can be, well, cruel, which is not necessarily out of character; it’s just seems a little wrong to me that you could threaten your partner in a relationship (if you keep things from me again, i really will turn against you + had i known xyz would happen, i really should have killed you)... plus i’m always a sucker for love without an “i love you”, a love that’s conveyed entirely through actions and gazes

5. Yunlan asks Zhou Weiwei (the mirror case) where her jacket was bought because he “wants to get one for [his] girlfriend” and lo and behold, what similarly-styled and colored coat does our Shen Wei show up in a few episodes later? (also the fact that Shen Wei dies wearing this jade-ish-blue-ish coat)

6. boyfriend jacket during the Moutain-River Awl case... boyfriend jacket!!!! Shen Wei claims he doesn’t need it and well he still wears it anyway because Yunlan’s love is unstoppable

6.1. the way Shen Wei grabs Yunlan’s elbow before running down the hill

6.2. Shen Wei being so freaking fine-tuned to Yunlan’s discomfort/pain as always that he drinks wine for him (and passes out immediately—heroics/bde of yllz! wwx and the alcohol tolerance of our dear lwj)

6.2.1. when Minister Gao brings up Yunlan’s dad and the Chief’s hands tighten... and of course nothing can go by Shen Wei, so he changes the topic of the conversation; also the way he leans forward as if to shield Yunlan

6.2.2. Yunlan is similarly Aware of his boyfriend’s boundaries; cue him politely excusing themselves from the dinner with Vice-Minister Guo when Shen Wei (of all people!) fumbles with his chopsticks

6.2.3. Yunlan also blocks Shen Wei from Minister Gao’s sight (subconsciously?) after that wedding showdown... even though he’s unhappy that Shen Wei has kept the identity of the Envoy from him, he trusts the other man enough to recognize there must be a reason; thus he doesn’t want other people to pry into the possibility that Shen Wei is a Dixingren

6.3. also, also that Shen Wei lets Yunlan have his way and use him as a pillow in the car once again (he also adjusts the actual pillow beneath Yunlan’s head to make it more comfortable)

6.3.1 the other Shen-Wei-is-Yunlan’s-pillow scene is when the professor picks up the poor hurting Chief off the road and in the taxi ride home... apparently this was an improvised scene from Bai Yu who just wanted to mess with Long-ge and our great Zhu Yilong just stayed in character and ran with it

6.3.2. the other notable improvised scene is the cute “Black Cloaked gege~ please be careful~ there’s someone is waiting for you at home~” [sorry that i don’t remember the exact line] but once again our great leading actors just stay perfectly in character

6.4. after Shen Wei wakes up from a night of being drunk (lol) Yunlan has left a note for him “I’ve gone back first, stay in touch. -Zhao” and what’s that on the corner of the note? why it’s a winky face

7. when Yunlan grabs the fake Zhang Danni’s wrist to confirm his suspicions, Shen Wei narrows his eyes... (lol is our Black Cloaked gege jealous)

8. when Yunlan claims he can swallow the painkillers dry, Shen Wei clenches his jaw in his anger at this idiot of a man for not taking better care of himself... you’ll find that a lot of Shen Wei’s anger is directed toward his husband being a self-sacrificial fool

8.1. after Yunlan uses the Hallows again and his nose begins to bleed, Zhu Yilong in all his acting glory has Shen Wei furious to the point that his lips tremble (cue Shen Wei angrily shoving a handkerchief into his husband’s face) [i really want to know if they ever broke character during this scene due to their proximity lol]

8.1.1. Shen Wei all but invades Yunlan’s personal space (he really does stand there between Yunlan’s legs guys) and he’s so careful even though he’s angry as he tries to stop the nosebleed; he’s aware the force might tip Yunlan backwards, so he immediately rests his hands on Yunlan’s thighs/knees to steady him

9. Yunlan has claimed that he doesn’t do things for the sake of gaining anything in return and yet every time he’s wanted things from dear Shen Wei... “take off your mask and smile for me”, “join the SID”... the sexual tension is Unreal during these scenes lol, you can see Shen Wei swallow visibly in anticipation + babie Shen Wei of ten thousand years prior all but chokes on his words when he promises to do ANYTHING Kun Lun wants him to do (honey where is your mind GOING???)

9.1. Bai Yu does have a bruise on his knee after the scene where Yunlan asks Shen Wei for something... dunno if it’s the actor’s bruise or the character’s bruise, but if it’s the character’s bruise—how did he get it? what exactly did WeiLan do that evening lol

9.2. also peep the fact that Yunlan almost always has a lollipop in his mouth when talking to Shen Wei... oral fixation much? (also the whole sequence where he tries to explain how to eat a lollipop to babie Shen Wei, wow the amount of homoerotic tension)

9.3. babie Shen Wei’s ears and cheeks are SO RED when Yunlan snatches the mask off his face

10. Yunlan’s hairstyle changes after Shen Wei joins the SIU (joins his family), much like how a bride would change her hairstyle after marriage in China ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (random note but CQL WangXian does this too when lwj puts his hair down/styled over the front of his shoulders when wwx wakes up 16 years later)

11. the first time we see Shen Wei spit up blood, there’s an echo of “Xiao Wei” faintly and Shen Wei mutters to himself “Xiao Lan” before looking up and saying louder “Zhao Yunlan” (nicknames/pet names/names only your family or lover can call you... this trope is good)

11.1. i also think a lot about how in the novel Kun Lun muses before he dies that it’s a shame he won’t see this Little Beauty [Xiao Wei] grow up to be a Great Beauty

12. Shen Wei’s funny little eyebrow raise when Yunlan accidentally reveals he broke into the professor’s apartment once ( “riiiiiiiiight i definitely believe you”)

12.1. though the ep 23 scene is angsty, the fact Yunlan says “It’s the middle of the night, were you hungry?” seems to imply their relationship is a lot closer than just neighbors... they’re probably used to sharing an apartment/room at this point :)

13. when Yunlan is hurt, Zhu Hong looks to him but he only has eyes for Shen Wei

13.1. after Yunlan is blinded, Zhu Hong is the one cradling him but he calls for Shen Wei first and reaches for his hand; Shen Wei of course responds immediately “it’s me”

13.1.1. both times after Yunlan gets his eyesight back, the first thing he sees is the person who loves him the most

14. Shen Wei warms up the congee in the morning with his magic after he watches over Yunlan when his stomach pain acts up (domestic use of magic? yes please)

15. the bomb defusing scene in the hospital (video game -> reality case) really is framed like a wedding proposal... also the way that Shen Wei smirks lol he’s so proud of his husband

16. after his Envoy identity is revealed, Shen Wei all but abuses his Black Cloaked Envoy voice to stop his stupid husband from doing stupid things that will hurt himself and every time Yunlan is properly sh00k by it

16.1. we really go from Chief Zhao remarking in the Mountain-River Awl case that he’s used to ordering people around, not receiving orders to married bickering with Shen Wei to then agreeing to everything Shen Wei tells him to do

17. the fact that “Shen Wei, ah, Shen Wei... You are such a good person, how could I bear to let you go?” is an actual line from the censored DRAMA astounds me, nevermind that Shen Wei just made breakfast for his man and Yunlan is basically pouting up at him from the bed

17.1. the way Yunlan’s dad warns him to stay away from Shen Wei and Yunlan responds with something like “he’s sincerely good to me, I want to be with him”... “be with him”???? [inhales deeply] yea this is definitely a “brotherly relationship”

18. Yunlan’s “WOW” after the Envoy kills the monsters in the cave of the Mountain-River Awl case is hilarious and i dont understand how such a noise is physically possible,,, it sounds like a growl?????

18.1. Zhu Yilong was asked to mimic it during an interview (which he did not do and only half-heartedly gave a “wow”) and then Bai Yu did it again

19. also i inevitably got attached to the side ship of Lao Chu and Xiao Guo... they have so much skinship for a censored “brotherly relationship” lmao

the amount of face-touching and hand-holding that they do is unreal... they’re more canon than WeiLan in the drama adaptation methinks

20. 《时间飞行》or “Flying Across Time” sounds like Yunlan’s reply to Shen Wei’s《只是太在意》or “Just Cared Too Much”

20.1. the lyrics of both these songs really cements this idea that both of WeiLan believe the other to be too good... Kun Lun was a god in the novel, and Xiao Wei was just a soulless little Ghost King... and then we have the incorrigible Chief Zhao pining after the beautiful and kind Professor Shen... i just have a lot of feelings about them becoming better people for each other, that their love really does make each other stronger

21. my favorite two pieces from the OST are Shen Wei’s theme (arranged by Kun Luo) and Kun Lun’s theme (arranged by Chen Xueran)

head’s up: it’s been like four years since i last even glanced at music theory so a lot of this might just make no sense to an actual professional

-Shen Wei: written in 4/4 time, Ab Major, melody is primarily carried by piano + strings; the piano almost sticks exclusively to triplets whereas the strings are in steady whole, quarter, and eighth notes—which creates in interesting impressionistic effect, kind of like hazy smoke or the ripples across the surface of a lake; every single measure uses decrescendo, so the first triplet is always the loudest and the three that follow get progressively softer (mimicking an echo)... the piece ends on the seventh note of the scale, which is usually a pretty awkward place to end and yet it doesn’t feel wrong it all; the piece uses a ritardando in the last three measures, and we simply drift off with that last G... i think it’s a beautifully written piece that perfectly portrays such a complex character as Shen Wei, someone who loved with everything he had, and was just so overwhelmingly good... and then he simply disappears as if the dream has ended. it makes me think of how he guarded over Kun Lun/Zhao Yunlan for thousands of years in the novel, never ever ever daring to meet him... and yet the other man always felt like he was waiting for someone

-Kun Lun: written in 3/4 time, a minor, there’s no real complex shift in the melody although there’s brief modulation into E major (dominant/fifth note); it’s a fairly somber piece, especially when the strings join in... it’s a steady waltz, and it finishes with the scale (second to last major is g, last major is a), like a circle coming back around [like their love story perhaps?]... there’s a finality to it, a completeness, a wholeness, which makes sense in the drama-verse because the moment Yunlan takes up the name of Kun Lun is when his love story with Shen Wei all fits together. the piece feels a little lonely in its minor key and all, a little sad, indeed as if you were standing at the top of a mountain surrounded by clouds and mist... the constant meter also reminds me of like the steady drip of water, the perpetual and inevitable passage of the days and time

-i don’t really understand how because the keys of the two pieces don’t fit together easily, but somehow it doesn’t feel wrong to play the pieces back to back; the melodies of both seem to call upon each other despite the differences in key and time signature, so it actually feels right. a circle without a beginning or an ending, wouldn’t you want your love to be so infinite?

-when yunlan finds shen wei in their bubble outside of time, when shen wei is about to leave him, shen wei is wearing the outfit of their first meeting. and the lyrics go “Across time, I am in the same place”... surely, they will find each other again.

#guardian #cdrama ramblings #zhenhun #镇魂 guardian

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aboysbestfriendishismum · 4 years

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Chapter 57 - Phone numbers and Spring breaks

In the previous chapter: Eddie and Angie get some alone time in a secluded romantic place near the beach but are caught by two cops, who trap them in a cross-fire of questions, halfway between gossip and interrogation. During this conversation, Angie unexpectedly opens up and reveals she's afraid to tell her friends about her relationship with Eddie also because she doesn't want to lose them, in case they'd break up. Angie manages to overcome her fears and insecurities and, as he drives Eddie back home, she suggests to tell their friends about them at the Ok Hotel on the next Pearl Jam show. The two also have a small fight caused by Eddie being jealous once he finds out Angie had already been in the same isolated romantic spot with Jerry too. Thanks to the cop, who had read Angie's driving licence aloud, Eddie also finds out that his girlfriend has a second name that starts with a W but Angie has no intention to tell him what it is. In the meantime Stone and Grace are coming back from their latest eccentric date. She's brought a tape with some songs she likes so they could listen to it in the car and he criticize the selection and the sequence of the tracks. Once they're at home, after a moment of passion, Stone is determined to confront Grace and her problems with sharing her bed and intimacy with another person, also because he can sense there's something more going on. Anyway he's shocked when he finds out the true reason of her insecurities: many years before, due to an aggressive form of bone cancer, the girl had her foot amputated. Stone's reaction is total confusion, he doesn't know what to do or say and, although he reassures Grace about his feelings, he leaves, saying that he just needs to process the news.

I swear I didn't do it on purpose. I mean, maybe I shouldn't swear, because even if I didn't do it intentionally, my subconscious must have given me a little push. Or it's just some kind of fucking mental automatism, just like when you're used at driving the same itinerary every day and once you get to the crossroad you turn left as usual. But you had to go somewhere else instead and you only notice once you get to the wrong destination. That never happened to me anyway. But it's something that happens to everybody, you know, people's always talking about stuff like that. Well, this time it must have happened to me because I left the Music Bank, I got behind the wheel and, I don't know how, I drove and found myself in fucking Roxy's parking place. I sit still without doing shit for who knows how long, uncertain about what to do. Why am I here? What should I do? Do I get in and say hi? Sure, the first thing you wanna see after a hard work day is your ex boyfriend's shitty face, isn't it? Well, actually, maybe she doesn't even remember I'm her ex, just look at the way she treats me, like she treated me in San Diego. Just like a friend. She's not even mad at me anymore, you know, she's even grateful maybe. After all, if I hadn't sabotaged our relationship, she wouldn't be with Eddie now. 'Cause of course she's with him. I don't know but I can guess. He must have hit on her and she said yes. She said yes to me and I'm a loser. Whoever comes after me would look like Prince Charming in comparison. By the way, my car engine is still on. I turn it off when I see Angie with Brian and another girl, coming out of the diner, followed a couple of seconds later by Roxy herself, who waves at them and closes down. Angie's holding a trash bag and is walking towards the dumpsters on the side of the diner, while the others leave walking or by car. I get out of my car and run to the opposite side of the diner, hiding, I don't know why, and peep out from time to time to check her moves. She shows back up after a few minutes, she's still got her uniform on, both hands in her leather jacket's pockets, her face half hidden under a big scarf, her usual colorful bag on her shoulder. She crosses the parking lot and walks down the street, followed by me at a safe distance. I look around to see if someone noticed me, 'cause to the external observer I could look like an attacker going after a helpless girl. But I don't have bad intentions, honestly I don't even know what my intentions are, I don't even know why I'm following her. I almost get caught a couple of times, when she stops and looks at some shop windows and then unexpectedly turns around towards me. The first time I got to sneak into a phone booth, the second time I managed to blend in with the small crowd of a street busker. I keep on following her and I'd really wanna know where the fuck she's going, since we've already passed two bus stops. We're at the third one when she stops and looks around, whereas I literally launch myself into the first alley not to be seen. But why not anyway? Can't I just go there and say hi? I sneak a peek and see her lighting up a cigarette and pacing the small portion of sidewalk in front of the bus stop back and forth. And I hide behind the wall every time she comes into my direction. I look out once again and I just can't see her anymore. I get out of my hiding place and I guess she must have left to the next bus stop, maybe it's early and she doesn't want to wait standing still in the cold. Or maybe someone came to pick her up, maybe her boyfriend... No, there she is, she's still walking all alone, literally all alone, 'cause as we drift away from the shops and clubs the streets get more and more empty. I walk along the wall, basically on my tip toes, 'cause I'm afraid she could hear the sound of my shoes. And this is the very moment I realize there's no fucking sense in what I'm doing. I curse under my breath and jog to catch up with Angie, I put a hand on her shoulder and that's when I feel one of the strongest pains I mean can experience in his life, the moment she suddenly turns around and epically knees me in the nuts.

“JESUS, ANGIE!” I cry, I don't know if it's more for the pain or to call her, since she's about to run away.

“Jerry??” she stops and looks at me perplexed as I squirm in pain, before cautiosly coming back to me “Was it you following me?”

“Yes”

“Are you stupid? Why?”

“I wanted... well, I wanted to play a prank on you” I didn't lose my improvisation talent.

“What a shitty prank, you scared me!”

“Sorry”

“Well, I'm sorry too. Did I hurt you?”

“No, I'm great” I sigh as I finally start getting my sight back.

“You had it coming... you scared me to death!”

“And I got punished”

“I thought you were a guy who wanted to attack me”

“Hehe I was attacked instead.” it looks like I have to get hurt everytime I meet Angie, physically or not. I notice her hand and point at it “What about those?”

“It's a trick Meg taught me” she answers and takes the keys she had placed between her fingers in her closed fist and puts them back into her bag.

“Do you know you can get hurt if you don't hold them tight when you throw a punch? That's a dangerous trick”

“What's that, are you volunteering for training me?” she retrieves the keys and clinks them, whiles she gives me a devilish smile and I give up to the fact that I'll always love this girl. In my way, my wrong and senseless way, but I can't help it.

“No, thanks. It's not that I don't deserve it, but I have other plans for the night”

“What plans?”

“Something like... go on listening to the demos I've just recorded and try to figure out why they just don't work”

“Demos? Of the new album?” Angie goes from joking to being extremely interested and I cannot wait to satisfy her curiosity. That's probably why I came here in the first place.

“Yeah but it's my stuff, you know, songs I wrote by myself, I haven't played them to the guys yet”

“Well maybe you just need to work on them a little, with the band as well. And then Layne can sing anything and make it perfect, so don't worry” Angie shrugs and smiles and I think I'm going crazy, 'cause I'd happily let her kick me in the balls once more just to be touched by her.

“Do you wanna listen to them?”

“I'd love that! Do you have a copy for me?”

“No, but... I've got the tape in the car... we could go and listen to it, what do you think?”

“Uh well, I don't know, it's a bit late” even though it only lasts a second, I can feel the whole hesitation in her answer. It's obvious she doesn't totally like the idea but she doesn't know how to say no without removing that mask of complete indifference towards me. Admitting that being alone with me would make her uncomfortable would be like admitting that there are still unfinished issues and feelings between us. And she'd never do that.

“It's just three tracks. You'll listen and give me an opinion, and in return I'll drive you home. What do you think? “

“Ok, let's go!” she shrugs again and follows me like nothing's wrong.

“So?” I ask her after the first song.

“Jerry it's... what exactly do you think is not working in this song? It's great”

“Do you really think that?”

“Sure!”

“You're not saying so just because you don't wanna go home by bus, are you?”

“Don't be stupid...”

“It'd earn some points with Layne's voice”

“In the chorus for sure but I like your voice in the verse” play my new songs to Angie is not just an excuse to spend some time with her, I like her cause she's sincere and her opinions are honest. She won't tell you a track is good only to please you.

“Thank you”

“Does it have a title?”

“I was thinking about Would. A wordplay, with Wood”

“Andy?”

“Yeah, of course the song's about him. I've been thinking about him a lot lately. Well, I've never stopped thinking about him but he's been in my mind more and more often. Our first album did great, we've been playing around the country ever since it came out, Stone and Jeff are finally making it, many other bands start getting recognition and-”

“And he's not here”

“Right. He's not here. And I miss him. Andy was a friend. Not one you talk deep serious shit with or something like that. It was only fun, everything was fun with him, we had the time of our lives, Andy, Xana, Chris and I. He was such a great person, full of energy and life”

“His life choices tell a different story though...”

“He made the wrongest choices in his life but that doesn't mean he wasn't a good person. So he made a big mistake. I don't judge him though. I hate the people who judge”

“Sorry, I didn't mean that”

“Nuh, it's not you, I didn't mean you, you're not like that” Angie doesn't need to judge you, she just speaks her mind or looks at you in the eye and you feel like shit for the mess you made.

“Meg told me he died around this time last year, didn't he?”

“Yeah, it'll be one year in a few days. And to me it's like ten years have passed”

“Will you play another song to me?” Angie knows when it's time to change the subject. What she doesn't know is that the mood of the conversation won't get any higher with the second recording.

“Rooster was the nickname my dad's grandpa gave to him when he was a child,” I tell her before she even asks and I press STOP on the cassette player “because he had this cocky attitude hehe and his hair, it used to stick up on top of his head, just like a rooster's comb, you know”

“Did you write a song about your dad?” Angie perfectly knows the whole messy story of my family and also knows how difficult it is for me to talk about it, although it was much less difficult with her.

“I wrote a song trying to put myself in his shoes, trying to imagine what an American soldier in Vietnam could think or feel in those moments. As you know, he never wanted to tell us anything”

“You should play this song to him”

“We'll see. If an actual song comes out from it, it could happen, who knows”

“That could be a way to reach out to him and reconnect, bring you closer”

“That's not why I wrote it”

“I know”

“I wrote it for no particular reason”

“Ok”

“It just came out like that”

“It just had to come out then”

“Do you like it?”

“Yes, I do. Can I listen to the last one?”

“This was the last one” I shamelessly lie.

“You mentioned three songs..”

“Yeah, well, it's like three tracks but two complete songs. The third one is just an instrumental” telling lies to Angie is still easy for me, like in the good old days. What I don't know is if it's still as easy for her to believe me.

“I wanna hear that one too” she folds her arms and gives me a bad look.

“Alright, I'm taking you home” I play dumb and turn on the car but Angie has a different idea and stretches out her hand to press PLAY on the stereo.

Here are the first chords of a song that's too slow and too soft and will never even be a fucking B-side on a band's single and that I'd never play to the guys, not even under torture. Also because it's so personal that they'd make fun of me for ages and I believe I already gave them enough reasons to do that. Luckily, in the first part of the song I had the idea to sing the melody with some mmm mmm mmm so I can reinforce the excuse of the instrumental piece.

“See? It's just a draft. It's just an asshole strumming and humming an improvised tune” I shrug and stop the tape, then take it out and sneak it into my jacket's pocket. Why am I like that? I shouldn't have gone to see Angie in the first place. Then, when I saw her and talked to her and asked her to come listen to the demo I tried and told myself it was just a trick so I could spend some time with her. But that's not true. I clearly wanted her to listen to this song too. Well, especially this song. And now? Am I chickening out or did I just realize it was a stupid idea? What did I expect from this? What did I want to get? Let her know that, as she goes on with her life, I'm still stuck with my bullshit?

“Well, it seems a nice draft”

“Too slow, too depressing, I don't know”

“Jerry?”

“Yes?”

“Is everything ok?”

“Sure, why?”

“I don't know, just asking” why I ask. It's only natural for her to wonder if there's something wrong with me. I just show up out of the blue where she works, I convince her to listen to some songs I wrote, then it all turns into some fucking psychotherapy session under cover.

“It's alright, it's just... just the same old shit, you know”

“The same old shit will always be the same if you don't deal with it, Jerry”

“I know. In fact, I'm dealing with it. Music is perfect for that, didn't you say it too?”

“Yes, but it's not enough”

“Yeah. Oh and sorry if I came and bothered you and took your time. It wasn't planned, you know, I just found myself there. I mean, it's not like I got to Roxy's by chance, I'd say that until a certain point I had no idea I was coming to see you. Then, you know, on the last mile...”

“Ok Jerry, I got it”

“I'm sorry”

“Don't be sorry, you have no reason to be”

“It's just that, well, it's easier with you. It's easier for me to talk to you, despite everything. Weird, right?” Angie knows everything, I don't owe her any explanation and now that we're not together anymore, I don't owe her anything. At the same time though, she doesn't owe me anything either. She doesn't have to listen to me.

“Well, a little weird but not too much. People love to vent with me, maybe I look trustworthy. Or just innocuous” Angie shakes her head and I think that she's not like that at all, considering that the (too short) time our paths crossed left a big deep mark on me.

“Innocuous? With your key brass knuckles? I wouldn't say so”

The drive to Angie's house lasts more than it should, 'cause I deliberately choose the slowes most trafficked road, but she's too kind to say anything. Or she doesn't even notice.

“So, good night. And thank you for the ride” she says as she holds her hand on the already open car door.

“Thank you for being my test subject, and for the opinions”

“No problem. Anyway, whenever you wanna talk or let me listen to something else... I'm here for you, ok?”

“Really?” I ask, not because I don't believe her, but because I perfectly know that she means what she's saying, that's she's really ready to suffer through the rants of a guy who can't open up emotionally with anybody but his ex, who's with another man now.

“Sure. Only because you acted like shit, that doesn't mean I, I don't know, that I wouldn't rescue you from a fire or offer you a hand as you're on the edge of a brink to pick you up. For the serious stuff, the things that really count, I'll always give you a hand” Angie shrugs as she's telling me beautiful things and by now I should just stop and admire her kindness and selflessness, get inspired by her concept of friendship, learn something from her total lack of resentment. But all I can do is fixating first on her eyes, then on her lips, and this time I doubt she didn't notice I have every intention of kissing her. And that must be why she tells me good night and sprints out of the car in a couple of seconds, running towards the entrance of her condo.

“Good night!” I yell through the window as she distractedly waves bye at me.

What the hell have I got myself into?

***************************************************************************************************************************************

What the hell have I got myself into? What am I doing now? Making promises I'm not sure I can keep? Sure, mine were such great words, they sounded very good, but will I be able to support them with actions? Will I truly always be there for Jerry, although he's been a jerk? Aspiring to be a better person is great but I think that, in my case, it's more like a sort of masochistic complacency. Because you know what? I love being good, acting like a good person and have everyone see me like that, like a kind and understanding young woman. Everyone, even those who wouldn't deserve any regard, well, especially those. You were a bastard to me, right? And now you're expecting from me to at least cross the street when I see you coming, aren't you? But no, instead I'm here listening to you as you vent, holding your hand and encouraging you, telling you everything is gonna be alright. Take that! It's not like I'm faking it or doing it on purpose but I can't deny there's this element of satisfaction in being the one who does the right thing, or better, who does the good thing no one would do. Now I know that when I tell Meg about what happened tonight, she will shake her head and tell me I'm stupid and that I should've just told Jerry to fuck off as he deserves. But what she'll actually think is that I'm too good, too kind, or something like that. Well, I adore being too good, it makes me feel... well, good, at peace with myself and the other people, because it's one of the few existing social roles I easily fit in, that I feel comfortable in. At least for a while. Because the problem is that if you decide that you're good, then you have to be it all the way, from start to finish, without any doubts, afterthoughts or shit. And that means that if I've just told Jerry I'll always be there for him as a friend, the next time I see him I can't just kick his ass because I suddenly remembered he cheated on me and totally disrespected me, not only as a girlfriend but first of all as a person. That's how it works with Jerry: I talk to him and it's like I'm interacting with a completely different person from the one who was with me, but it's not just rhetorical, it actually is like he's another guy, no upset, no tension between us. That is until something happens, a word, some noise, a fucking joke or anything that reminds me who's standing in front of me, and then I swear I'd throw stones at his face just like that, out of the blue. But no, you can't. Because if you've got the Jesus Syndrome you gotta be Christ all along, turning the other cheek and all the rest. You can't just enjoy your fame as a messiah, you have to get crucified at some point, or more often crucify yourself.

My inner rant takes a mystic turn right when I enter my apartment, maybe it all depends on the fact that as I'm inside I take my shoes off and on the ecstatic feelings my feet had as I did after spending the whole day standing. I grab the phone without even turning on the lights, I notice something scribbled on the notepad nearby but I don't look it twice since I guess it's a note from Meg telling me Eddie called looking for me. After all we were supposed to have a phone date... well, like an hour ago. I plop down on the couch, even though I know it's not the best thing to do and that I'd better reach for my bed, and dial the number by heart in the dark.

“Hello”

“Hi Eddie, were you sleeping?”

“Obviously not my dear... Wallflower?”

“Haha no, you're cold, sorry! “

“How cold?”

“North Pole I'll say”

“Shit”

“I'm never telling you, just give up”

“I'm gonna find out all the same”

“Oh really, and how?”

“I got my persuasion techniques, don't you know?” yes, I do know, that's why I drop the subject.

“Anyway, you're getting more and more unpredictable, I was sure you'd have answered with 'Is it Friday already?' instead of hello”

“I love to surprise you, kitty. By the way, is Friday yet?” he giggles, whereas I try to get off the couch but end up losing touch and rolling down on the carpet.

“WHAT THE- OUCH!”

“Hey, are you ok? What was that?”

“Huh nothing. Excuse me Eddie, what the actual fuck have you just called me?” I ask as I straighten on my side, stroking my sore buttcheek.

“Kitty, why?”

“Why, he says!”

“Are you actually talking to someone or is it just your usual imaginary audience?”

“Don't ever do that again”

“Aw come on, it's cute”

“That's what you think”

“And you like cats anyway”

“I like a lot of things, I like horror movies too, but that doesn't mean I'd let you call me poltergeist... although, well, thinking about it...”

“That's not bad but I prefer Kitty”

“I'd prefer anything rather than Kitty”

“Beware of what you wish for”

“Ugh do you mean you could come up with something worse?”

“Try me”

“And kitty doesn't make sense anyway”

“Sure it does”

“'Cause I like cats?”

“Because you have big beautiful cat eyes, you're sweet and cute but you know how to pull out your nails when needed... also literally. My back says thanks hehe” it's past midnight, I'm still lying flat on the rug and I'm blushing.

“It's just I don't like nicknames in general” the defense diversion mechanism kicks in by itself as I try to get back up.

“You like princess though”

“That's another story, it's not a couple nickname”

“The fuck are you talking about, it's the epitome of couple nicknames!”

“Ok but in our case it was a thing between friends” I finally sit back on the couch and instinctively hug one of the pillows.

“Haha friends my ass, had it been about friendship only, that nickname would have been born and dead that same night”

“Ok but technically it was born in friendship so it can go” I focus on the technical aspect because I still find it hard to acknowledge the fact Eddie has had this... crush (?) on me for a while. I mean, I rationally understand he didn't get a sudden epiphany on that morning in San Diego at the bus station and that he must have thought about it before that. But my irrational side hasn't realized yet that Eddie is with me, let alone comprehend he's been having an interest in me for months.

“Alright alright, what's wrong with kitty?”

“It's too... too sappy”

“It's a nickname, it's gotta be sweet, that's how it is”

“It's stupid”

“What were you expecting from a stupid guy like me, kitty?”

“Umph you're really stuck on that, huh?” I roll my eyes and I already know I'm not gonna win this, not even by mistake.

“You know what? I think it's not that you don't like it, it just... you're just embarrassed for some weird reason I don't know”

“That's not true” I retort clinging to the pillow.

“Yes, it is”

“No, it's not”

“Do you know the tone of your voice slightly changes whenever I say something and hit the target right?”

“Haha what... what the hell are you talking about?”

“Nothing. If you let me call you kitty, I'll let you call me whatever you want”

“Haha you mean you really do want to introduce it as an official nickname! You've been working on this for a while, haven't you? Confess!”

“No, it just came out like that, without thinking. And I'd have probably forgotten like two seconds later, if only you hadn't had that amazing reaction”

“It's basically my fault then”

“As always, princess”

“Princess or kitty? You gotta make a decision”

“Why choose? You can be both, I mean, you are both”

“If by any chance that word comes out of your pretty mouth in front of one of our friends you're-”

“HA! So that's the big deal! Is that what terrifies you? That the guys could hear it??”

“If something like that happens, you're dead, just so you know”

“You're too preoccupied with what people think, let me tell you”

“But not dead as in me kicking your ass, ripping you apart or literally killing you. It's just that from that moment on you'll simply stop existing to me, I'll mentally celebrate your funeral, cry a little, then I won't talk to you ever again and won't even acknowledge your presence in any way”

“Have I ever told you I love it when you're so dramatic?”

“Have I ever told you my threats are always real?”

“Ok ok, I promise I'll never use that name unless we're alone. Is that better?”

“Yes” as I said, I knew I'd never win this.

“Thank you, kitty. What do you wanna call me instead?”

“I'll call you Eddie and that's it”

“Look, I'm fine with a non sappy nickname too”

“Ed?” yeah, that's the most I can do.

“Hahahahaha”

“What the fuck are you laughing for?” actually I love it when he laughs, especially when he laughs at me, but he doesn't need to know.

“Wow, isn't it too intimate? I don't know if I'm comfortable with you calling me Ed”

“Fuck you, Ed”

“Especially in front of our friends”

“It's not something you can say on command, it just comes out spontaneously, didn't you say that? When I feel the urge to call you a stupid name, you'll know”

“Ok ok. Now, on a more serious note, is it Friday yet?”

“No, it's still two days before that”

“Technically one, it's waaay past midnight”

“So if you already know, why do you ask me?”

“Just checking on your level of attention”

“See what happens when you talk stupid shit on the phone? Time goes by fast”

“That was my goal from the beginning. Anyway we could have talked more stupid shit if you hadn't took your time. I've been here waiting for you since half past eleven”

“I didn't take my time, I've just come home. I mean, like a minute before I called you”

“Roxy makes you work extra hours? I can't understand why you're always the one closing up, they're called shifts for a reason, they're supposed to shift”

“I'm not always closing up. And I'm the one who asked for these shifts because they're more comfortable for me for multiple reasons. Anyway, I almost left on time tonight, I wasted some time later, but I wouldn't call it wasted time, since I got an exclusive preview! Or pre-listening, I don't know how to call it”

“Really? What did you do?”

“I heard a couple of demos by Alice that are gonna be in the next album. Well, that's what I think, because they're very good, although Jerry's not sure about that. But that's normal, 'cause Jerry doesn't understand shit” another fucking perfectionist songwriter like Eddie, they should get along in this.

“Jerry? Did you see him? Was he at the diner?” in spite of their supposed chemistry, the adorable and playful Eddie disappears in a second and the very moment he says Jerry's name, I know he's about to get mad just like the other night.

“No, I met him after work”

“You met him? Where? Did you go somewhere after work with your colleagues and-”

“Oh no, I met him in the streets”

“In the streets?”

“Yeah”

“In the street in front of Roxy's at eleven o'clock on a Wednesday evening?”

“Yes” the conversation is slowly turning into inquisition”

“And what was he doing there?”

“I don't know, he was out, I didn't ask him”

“Ask me”

“Hehe what?” I'm not an idiot, it's not like I'm here laughing knowing that Eddie must be fuming, literally having steam coming out of his ears right now. It's more a nervous chuckle I can't hold.

“Just ask me, I'll give you the answer”

“Eddie, I don't-”

“ASK. ME.” Eddie can convince me, although I prefer his other methods, the most enjoyable ones.

“Ok, what was Jerry doing there?”

“He came right to see you, obviously”

“It didn't come to see me” of course he came specificaly to see me. What I mean is that he didn't come with the idea to hit on me and get me back, like Eddie thinks. He just came looking for me because he didn't know where to go.

“Sure, and then?”

“Then what?”

“Then what happened? What did you do? Where did you go? Where did he play THIS FUCKING DEMO?” Eddie shouting through the phone startles me on the couch.

“Ok, easy there, calm down, why are you raising your voice?”

“''CAUSE I WANT TO”

“Eddie”

“'Cause I've been here waiting to talk to my girlfriend on the phone at least, since we couldn't meet in person tonight, while she was hanging out wandering around with her ex”

“I wasn't wandering around”

“Did you go directly to his place?”

“No”

“Did he came to your apartment? Maybe you even made him coffee”

“We stayed in the car, just the time to listen to two songs, then he took me home” I ignore his sarcasm because if I didn't, I'd end up using mine back against him and we wouldn't come out alive from this.

“In the car”

“Yes, where do you think he would he play the tape to me? Nobody went to nobody's place and Jerry's not going around with a boombox on his shoulder like John Cusack” here it is, my sarcasm couldn't resist, this discussion cannot end well.

“In the car” he repeats harshly.

“Yes, in the car”

“And where did you sneak off this time? Since the old parking spot is off limits now, you know...”

“We didn't sneak off anywhere, we were there, on the street. Is the interrogation over?”

“No. Did you kiss?”

“WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY? What do you think??” I'm unwillingly loud but at the same time I don't wanna react too vehemently and give him the impression he struck a nerve and something really happened with Jerry.

“I don't know or I wouldn't ask”

“You really don't know? I mean, you seriously think I could kiss Jerry? And, most of all, that after kissing him, I could just call you and talk about cats, poltergeists, names and nicknames as if nothing happened?”

“I don't know Angie, I only know you're ex boyfriend showed up with the excuse of the demo and you couldn't resist. And considering the timing, I'm sorry, but I doubt you just listened to a couple of songs and then went straight home, unless Alice in Chains turned into prog rock and now make 15-minute long songs”

“We talked”

“About what?”

“It's personal”

“Oh well great! Perfect! I've got absolutely no reason to be upset then! You met your ex and you talked about your secrets, now I'm really calm, thank you!”

“Personal stuff about him, that has got nothing to do with me”

“Oh because you're Jerry's favourite confidant now, right. Why can't he go tell his bullshit to the girls he used to fuck behind your back?” well, wow, thank you Eddie, that was so tactful of you... I remain quiet for a moment before replying.

“And how would I know? I don't know, maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. Why are you asking me about how he acts?”

“I'm asking you because you are my girlfriend, not his, just in case you forgot”

“I didn't forget. Maybe you did, given how you're treating me now” keeping calm is great but I didn't do anything, why should I be defensive? I don't like him at all when he's like this.

“Right, I'm the jerk here, after all you only went out with Jerry, I shouldn't get mad”

“Listen, I told you I saw Jerry, on my own initiative, without you asking shit. If I hadn't told you, you'd have never known. But I wanted to tell you and I told you, 'cause I've got nothing to hide and did nothing bad” fighting is one of the things I hate the most and I avoid at all costs. I hate fighting, it makes me anxious, even when I'm right, and that's why I often play dumb and close my eyes and ears, even when I shouldn't, even when I'd have something to say in the matter, because I simply don't wanna make a fuss and just wanna be in peace. In this case though, I can't really shut up, so I try and talk some sense into him.

“Ok, listen, I believe you didn't do anything, that nothing happened, I trust you. But I don't trust him. Can't you see he did it on purpose? It was a fucking excuse to see you” Eddie stops treating me like shit for a while but that doesn' make me feel that much better.

“That wasn't the case at all, I can assure you. But even if it was, I didn't do anything about it. He just asked me to listen to a couple of songs and give him my opinion, that's all”

“You could've said no. You could have told him you had to go home, that you had an appointment. Which you actually had, with me”

“Honestly I can't see anything wrong with listening to a couple of songs and half a vent of a friend, so I can't see why I should have said no” the appointment I had with him was a phone call, the world won't end because I called him a little later.

“Maybe because he's not a friend but he's your fucking ex?”

“Right because he's my ex, I can't see why you're jealous. It's in the past, it's over, I put multiple pins on it. If you're jealous, that's your problem” if there's one thing I can't stand is jealousy, I just can't, it's stupid, it's-

“If you can't see the problem, then you are the problem. Good night” the disconnect tone goes on for a while before I realize Eddie's just literally hung up on me. I'm weirded out, not just for that, but for the whole situation. What the fuck has just happened? How did we go from an easy phone call to World War III in a minute? Why did he get so mad? I don't know what to do, I wait for a couple of minutes, then try to call him back but his phone rings and rings and I get no answer.

“WHAT THE FUCK! Angie, what the hell are you doing there?” the lights in the living room suddenly go on and seeing me appearing on the couch out of the blue scares my room mate.

“Hi Meg, sorry”

“Sorry my ass! Ok, the Make your roommate shit in her pants championship has officially ended. You won, period. I give up” she walks up to me holding one hand on her heart and I already know now she'll sit with me, she'll sense in a second that somethig's wrong, I won't tell her shit at first, then I'll inevitably spit it all out, she'll confort me, insult Eddie, curse Jerry, then she'll tell me it's nothing that can't be solved, she'll give me advice that will not make sense to me but in the end will turn out to be just right and everything will be ok in the end. Maybe.

“Sorry, I was on the phone”

“Oh you called your friend back then” Meg completely disorientates me, as if I wasn't already confused enough.

“My friend?”

“Yes, Jane, your ex school mate. I left you a note...” Meg skips away then comes back holding the notepad I noticed before, beside the phone base. It only takes me that name, first mentioned by her, then written on the yellow sheet of paper, to immediately regain control of myself.

“Yeah yeah, I've just called her, thank you!” I get up from the couch and delicately but firmly take the notepad from Meg's hands, before tearing off the written page.

“Is everything alright? It seemed something urgent”

“Hahaha it's always urgent for Jane! Nuh, she just wanted to give me the big news, that she finally found a job. And give me her new number now that she has a place of her own” I take my bag, fish out my planner and stick my note in it, not to lose it. At least, that's the impression I wanna give Meg. I already have this number and I'd secretely love to lose it.

“718... uhm... what code is that, Texas?”

“New York”

“Wait, do you have a friend in the Big Apple? That's so cool! And what is she doing there?”

“She's a model. But her dream is to be an actress” it's be more correct to say that her dream is to be famous, actually to be adored. Possibly by everyone. But I don't feel like adding this detail, I don't even know why I'm talking with Meg about her.

“Will you direct her then one day? An actress and a direction: the perfect squad!” the enthusiasm expressed by my friend goes doesn't reflect my mood but I can't show that.

“Apart from the fact that I'd rather write than direct... don't worry, I still have a lot of burgers to serve before I get there” I zip up my bag and put it back on my shoulder.

“Why have you never told me about this Jane? It's the first time I hear about her, I thought you only had three friends” she doesn't give up and follows me across the hallway.

“That's right, I confirm the magnificent three. Jane is not really a friend, she's more... she's a more superficial acquaintance”

“It's nice of her to keep in touch though” yeah, sure, very nice indeed.

“Yeah, she's a good girl” I think she'd throw up if she heard me say this about her.

“What are you doing? Are you going out?” Meg stops me as I'm about to open the door instead of rushing into my room as she was expecting.

“Yeah, I'm out of cigarettes, I'm going to buy some, it'll take me a minute”

“And can't you just not smoke?”

“No, definitely not, Meg, trust me”

I leave, telling her to go to sleep since I've got my keys and she doesn't have to wait for me. I go downstairs in a flash and when I'm outside the condo I take a look at the windows on the fourth floor. They lights are all off again. That's better, I won't need to go around the block. I get into the nearest phone booth, put the money coin by coin into the pay phone as if they weighed a ton each and dial the number that's now inside my planner. But I don't need to take it out, I've been knowing it by heart for years now.

“Hello”

“What do you need?”

**************************************************************************************************************************

“Fuck, it's still too early” I tell myself as I look at my watch, which says it's a quarter to eight. And I should just throw away this fucking watch. Or sell it. I told Angie too, asking her if it was bothering her, but she looked at me as if I was crazy and asked me why. She doesn't care if every single day I wear the watch a girl who liked me bought for me, a girl I even kissed. Angie doesn't know what jealousy is, that angst that starts from the middle of your stomach and goes to your head, that makes you see everything black, that takes your breath away, like a sea monster emerging from the ocean that catches you off guard as you're swimming, wrapping its tentacles around you and immobilizing you, that convinces you that everything's lost. Angie doesn't even think about that, she didn't think about it last night, when she met Jerry, and not even when she told me, innocently, like it was normal. 'Cause to her it is normal. 'Cause it's most likely normal to everybody but me, the unstable jerk, who's been standing outside his girlfriend's house since six o'clock in the morning, waiting for her to come out so he can apologize and save the day. I had no intentions to wake her up early and I knew she wouldn't leave that early, but I couldn't stay at home any longer after a sleepless night, when I quite quickly went from anger to realizing the big mistake I had just made. I get out of my truck once again. I must have got out and in like five or six times in a couple of hours and the cigarettes butts of a whole pack are covering this shitty sidewalk. It's not raining but the air is cold. But I'm sweating. I stretch my hand through the half open truck window to retrieve the baseball cap I left on the passenger seat and I wear it. As I'm busy sticking all my hair under the hat, I hear the door open and see her walking out, while fixing her big scarf around her neck to protect herself from the wind. She doesn't look my way but comes towards me and I don't even need to put any effort into looking sad because as soon as I see her, my heart skips and I'm sure my natural expression is already the right one. I'm almost about to call her when, instead of walking right up to me, she turns to her right and goes who knows where. Didn't she see me? Did she see me and ignored me on purpose? I don't care. I throw the umpteenth cigarette away and follow her.

“Angie” she comes to a dead stop as she hears me calling her name and it clearly means that no, she didn't see me. She turns around and literally looked at me up and down, from head to toe, before stopping at my eyes and answering with a nod.

“Hi Eddie” she turns around and starts walkig again but slowly.

“I know you're mad at me, you've got every reason to be” I catch up and walk beside her, who's burying her face into her scarf, as if she wanted to hide herself from me.

“I'm not mad. You were the mad one, I think”

“I got upset for no reason, Angie, I'm sorry. I want to apologize”

“You were a fury”

“I know, I know, I was a jerk”

“You hung up on me and didn't even answer when I called you back”

“Better that way, trust me! I was out of my mind, who knows what else I could have said” well, maybe I shouldn't have said this.

“Ok, better this way then” Angie shrugs and subtly quickens her pace.

“Angie, can we just stop for a second? I need to talk to you, properly, not just walking like this”

“I got shit to do, I need to go to the bank and run some other errands before going to class”

“It'll only take a couple of minutes, Angie, please. Let me talk to you, I haven't slept all night” I delicately and cautiously circle her shoulders with my arm and gesture in the direction of the closest bench.

“Oh and what's new about that?” she asks with a weak smile. I guess she didn't get much sleep either.

“The news are that it's my fault this time.” I nod towards the bench “Please”

“Ok, just two minutes though” she rolls her eyes and gives up, sitting with me.

“So... well, as you might have guessed, I have a little problem with jealousy” I start confessing.

“No! Really?” she gives me that sarcastic smile of her and I feel a little better because maybe there's still I chance I didn't fuck up completely.

“I'm jealous. And it's my problem, as you said last night, you were right, you are right. As you didn't do anything, you never do anything, it's about me, it's not about the things you do or the way you act or shit like that. You could as well never leave your apartment and I'd be jealous of the pizza delivery guy because, the fuck I know, because he smiles a little too widely to you when you leave him the change as a tip”

“Well, yeah, considering the ridiculous paycheck they get, someone could actually fall in love for a tip, I can believe that” Angie keeps on making fun of me and I admit this makes me feel more and more comfortable.

“The fact is that nine times out of ten this thought flashes upon my mind, upsets me for a couple of seconds, then goes away and I forget about it. I mean, most of the times I can keep it at bay, I just ignores the voices in my head and go on with my life as nothing happened.

“We're not talking about actual voices, right?”

“Hehe no, just inner voices of conscience”

“Huh ok. And what happens that single one time out of ten instead?”

“What happens is that I lose my mind and say things I don't actually believe”

“Are you sure you don't believe them?”

“Angie, no, I don't believe them. I'm sorry, it won't happen again, I promise” I try and take her hands, kinda timidly, and she lets me do that.

“How can you promise that? If you lose control, like you said, how can you prevent that?”

“I can because I want to, because you're more important than anything”

“Eddie, listen to me,” she sighs and turns a little more towards me, still keeping her hands into mine “I can understand your jealousy. I mean, I can't accept it, I don't excuse it, but I can understand how it works, I guess what the mechanism is and what the triggers are. I know you must feel very insecure about yourself, although I have no idea how, since you're such a wonderful guy and I'd never leave you”

“Maybe there's someone more wonderful than me out there...”

“Who? Jerry Cantrell?” Angie doesn't waste any time and goes straight to the point.

“There must be something good about him if you got with him. And if you're still friend to him after... well, after he hurt you”

“Sure there's something good about him, but no potential boyfriend material for sure. Not anymore. And I don't know what else I should do to convince you”

“So why are you still talking to him? I don't mean you can't talk to him, I'm not that kind of guy, imposing things or telling you who you can hang out with or where you can go or shit like that. It's just that, I really can't understand how you can do it, I mean, if Beth came out of nowhere, looking for me and telling me she needs to talk to someone, my answer would be just showing her the middle finger”

“I'm not you” her reply is as quick as simple.

“Hehe I know. And thank god, I must add”

“That's the only explanation I got, that's how it is for me. Before he got with me, he was a friend, and what happened between us as a couple didn't change things. To be honest with you, I thought things would change, a lot, but as time went by I realized that to me Jerry went back being what he used to be before, no more no less: a friend”

“That's unbelievable, it's like you're separating the two things”

“It's not like that, it's exactly that. I separate the two things, the two relationships, the two Jerrys. There's my ex Jerry and my friend Jerry, the former has gone, the latter ha stayed” Angie shrugs as if she was explaining the most obvious thing in the world, but I don't even try to understand and I don't know if I should believe it or not. But I gotta make an effort if I want to make this work and not fuck it up now that it's just started.

“That's... a concept that's really far from my way of seeing things but... I can understand it”

“Same here with your jealousy. That's something really, really far from me but I can understand it. What I can't accept is the way you treated me because you were jealous.

“I know, Angie, I'm sorry”

“You said very bad things to me. And your voice... the tone of your voice was so mean, like you were trying to hurt me as much as you could”

“I told you, I just flipped out on you for no reason”

“I think your problem is not with jealousy but with rage. As soon as you feel in danger, you attack, blindly. It's not the first time I see this in you but not at this level” ok, guilty as charged. Angie has known me for less than six months and she's been with me for a few weeks and she already has me pretty well figured.

“I know, it's a mess. I am a mess.” I lean down and rest my head on her lap, without letting go of her hands “I hoped you'd never see this side of my character” I was just fooling myself, of course it came out almost immediately as we got closer.

“I'm a mess as well, we all are. But when you're deliberately mean to someone, to hurt them, well, that's where I draw a line, that's my limit. What am I supposed to do with sappy nicknames, if you then take your frustrations out on me?” I knew that, she's breaking up with me. She put up with me long enough though.

“It's over, isn't it?”

“WHAT? What are you talking about?” Angie lets go of my hands and grabs at my head, gently forcing me to turn around and look at her.

“Aren't you breaking up with me?”

“Hehehe who's the dramatic one now?” she pushes my head back down, takes off my hat and puts it on her head, before playfully messing up my hair.

“But you said that's your limit...”

“Do you think I'd break up with you after one fucking fight?”

“No?” am I safe?

“Next time you get upset for some reason, before insulting me, just take a nice deep breath and talk to me, openly, tell me what's wrong, what you're afraid of and how I can help you. Or you can as well insult me but only if I deserve it or if you believe there's a valid reason. I mean, it's ok to discuss, fuck, it's ok to fight too, although I hate fighting and I'd do anything to avoid it. But I admit that it can happen and it's not necessarily bad if there's a reason. Well, I wanna be free to fight with you without risking an emotional breakdown every time, ok? Because, as I already told you, I'm a mess too, just like you, I've got my problems as well, don't you know? Can't you see how hard it is for me to express a single fucking feeling? To a certain extent, I kind of envy you, you know?” what she says leaves me speechless at first because it's so... mature. I'm here whining like an annoying brat, whereas she's rationally examined the situation and is just telling it like it is.

“You envy me? Do you think that being a slave to your emotions is better? Every time is like flipping a fucking quarter in the air, I throw it and I have no idea what will come out: how am I doing today? Good? Bad? Happy? Mad? Jeff and Stone could place bets on me” I sit back up like a normal person and notice one of my shoes is half-untied.

“Well, my quarters are never flipped, I just push them down into the piggy bank, one by one, and I keep them there. At least until Christmas comes and you need to break the piggy bank and then BAM! They come out all together” I'm about to tie my shoe when Angie gets there before and ties it for me as she speaks, then takes my hands in hers once again.

“Can I borrow your piggy bank?” I ask her before I get that kiss I was afraid I wouldn't get anymore.

“Ok, but only if you let me flip your quarters from time to time” she smiles at me and now I'm sure: I'm safe.

“I'm sorry, Angie, for real”

“I don't need you to say you're sorry, I need you to not be an asshole anymore”

“Ok”

“And if something's wrong, you just tell me and we can talk about it, like adults”

“Ok”

“Because I'm not your punching bag”

“No, you're my...” I wait for her to figure out what I want to say and to react to the provocation. Finally she turns around abruptly and gives me that nasty look of hers I love.

“Don't you dare”

“Why? You said I could”

“Not in public”

“But nobody's around” I look around and the few passers-by don't give a fuck about us.

“Do you think that since I didn't break up with you for the scene you made last night, then I won't cut you off for calling me kitty? You could be surprised”

“HA! You said it. By saying it, you automatically accepted it as official nickname”

“Says who? You?”

“Yes, kitty” I whisper into her ear because I'm ok with risking but I don't wanna push it too far.

“What the hell have I got myself into?” Angie rolls her eyes for the nth time and I'm afraid forher it'll soon become a habit with me.

“You got no idea, trust me”

“I don't wanna fight with you anymore”

“I can't wait to fight again though”

“Haha what?”

“Only you can turn a fight into an open hearted confrontation about emotions, feelings and how to handle them. I like talking with you about these things, I like talking to you, I like you”

“I like you too,” Angie gives me a peck on my nose then stands up “but I really have to go now”

“Huh so wasn't it just an excuse to avoid me? You really got things to do?” I joke as I stand up too and I pretend to ignore the fact she's just told me she likes me, without blushing or being ashamed, without me asking her or trying to extract a confession with torture.

“Yes and I gotta hurry up”

“When does school end?” I puff as I get my cap back and put it on my head.

“Tomorrow's the last day”

“Finally! How long is your spring break, one week?”

“Ten days”

“That's even better... listen, I was thinking... well, actually I didn't think about it before, I'm thinking about it just now as I'm speaking. What if we just leave for a few days, you and I?” I take her hands again, actually I take her by her wrists and softly stroke the inside with my thumbs. I know she likes that.

“Leave to go where?”

“Wherever you wanna go. Just to take a break and spend some time alone, would you like that?”

“I don't know, aren't you busy with the movie and the album recording?”

“Yes but we could leave this weekend, what do you think? It just makes me mad that I'll be busy right when you're on holiday and we could see each other more.

“I don't know, Eddie. Actually I had already signed up both with Roxy and Hannigan to work some extra hours, in the weekend and also during the week, you know, to save some more” she looks down too often, there must be something wrong.

“Oh ok... but is everything alright?” I shake her a little, prompting her to look at me and be honest.

“Sure, why?”

“I don't know. Do you need money?”

“Hahaha who doesn't?” Angie backs up from me and gestures for me to walk with her.

“Hehe no, I mean, maybe you have some problem and you need money for that”

“My problem is the same old problem: paying the bills, rent, college and books. Or books' photocopies, those cost too” we walk side by side as Angie counts her expenses on her fingertips.

“Well, ok, but your parents are helping you, right? Ray doesn't look like the type of dad who freaks out if you don't pay your part at the beginning of the semester but a little later”

“That doesn't count, it's a matter of principle. When I make a commitment, I follow through with it”

“Sure and that's great. But you know, there's nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it” I go on and I don't immediately notice Angie has stopped.

“Ok, now this is the kind of advice I should get as a tattoo, if I ever got one. So maybe I'll finally follow it” I turn around and see her standing on the first step of the stairs outside the bank.

“Everybody comes to you when they need help, what about you?” I walk back and hug her.

“I call you if I have a spider at home”

“You can call me for anything else too, you know that, right?”

“Thanks.” she kisses me again and this time she can't help looking around to check if someone we know is nearby “Anyway, everything's ok, it's just about every day needs, don't get weird ideas or something, really”

“Ok”

“I really gotta go now. Can I call you on lunch break?”

“You don't need to ask me”

“I'll correct my question: will I find you at home if I call at lunch break?”

“Yes”

“I'll call you later then, have a good day” she gives me another (too) quick kiss and leaves as quickly.

“Later... Whirpool??”

“You're so cold, you're freezing!”

'If something's wrong, you just tell me and we can talk about it' that's what you told me. I hope you know the same goes for you as well.

#pearl jam fanfiction #grunge fanfiction #eddie vedder fanfiction #eddie vedder #jerry cantrell #pearl jam #alice in chains #chapters

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peepingtoad · 3 years

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@theredpalace continued from here:

Momotaro’s face fell. “Oh! I wish she had stayed, we have something important to tell her.” He thought it over with a worrisome frown. “I suppose we’ll have to wait for this evening.” But of course, his concern for children distracted him. “Oh, are you hungry? There’s always extra!”

He provided a meal for Jiraiya to enjoy on the veranda in the sunshine before going about his chores, feeding the animals. Their household had dozens of them, all rescued by the gentle giant himself; birds with wounded wings, abandoned cats and dogs, wild animals too injured to survive in the wilderness. Momotaro had such a way with wild beasts that none of them regarded him with hostility. Most even chose to stick around.

Including Gomo, a huge boar rescued as a piglet when Momotaro was only a boy. Gomo had grown to the size of a cow, and had scraped his hooves to charge Jiraiya the first time he’d come to the house. Now the surly boar only gave the boy a warning glance as if not to encroach on his host’s kind hospitality too greedily. Most unsavory guests got charged at.

Animals were fed, and the huge garden watered before Momotaro came back. “I really can’t wait to go to the dojo, or I’ll let so many people down!” He held up his hands together, imploring Jiraiya. “Please, can you look for my Tsuna-chan and let her know her mother and I need to tell her something important tonight? With the way things are, I could be called away at any minute, and it just can’t wait!”

Jiraiya was curious about the ‘important something’, no doubt about it, but he barely had a chance to question it before the man vanished and returned with some miso soup, rice, steamed vegetables and tamagoyaki set out on a small tray.

“Woah, thanks!” he exclaimed, practically starry-eyed, having not expected to be indulged without question.

He watched and ate while the man went about his daily chores, keeping well out of trouble (something that only food seemed to manage). It was impressive how easily he hauled everything around like it was nothing, and how the animals all flocked to him. It was just another cool thing about him. Jiraiya remembered the time when Tsunade’s Dad had invited him to help out with some of the rescued animals. He remembered telling him how he made it his business to rescue injured frogs from his own back garden, setting up little habitats for them indoors until they were healed up and ready to go back into the big wide world. At some point during this tale, he’d foolishly picked up a stick and jabbed an absolute mountain of a boar, thinking it had ‘expired’. Needless to say, that wasn’t the case, and after an uncertain moment where it looked like he may well be gored, he’d been wary of stepping out of line ever since.

Jiraiya now greeted the beast from the genkan with a curt nod, his cheeks packed with rice. A gentleman’s agreement.

(Maybe he’d bring a basket of apples for it later)

By the time Tsunade’s Dad returned, the food was all gone.

“Any minute?” The boy repeated when he was implored, brows pinching as he looked up at the man. The particular strain of worry didn’t need to be voiced out loud: he was, of course, wondering if it was to do with the battles still going on abroad. This had become a particular sore spot for their little team ever since Orochimaru’s parents had both perished. Hell, his own mother was constantly abroad, albeit for espionage type missions... so it struck a chord of fear in the boy to think that Tsunade might be the next to...

Jiraiya shook his head, quite literally to shake away the thought. Nobody could take down a guy like this so easy, right?

With a wide, toothy grin (currently missing one just behind his canine), the boy raised a determined fist, feet set wide in his most manly stance.

“Ya can count on me, pops!”

𓆏𓆏𓆏

As it turned out, Tsunade wasn’t too far away after all. Jiraiya found her practicing her card shuffling techniques with her back against a tree, and was surprised to find that she didn’t bite his head off right away. It turned out that training had been cancelled due to their sensei being called away for some important Hokage business, which only made her Dad’s urgency more worrisome.

He told her this, of course, unable to keep a secret even if he wanted to try. They hung out together all day, since her dad was busy at the dojo, and he walked her home around the time they suspected he’d be back home for the evening. He was nursing a sore arm from where she’d socked him, but he turned the frown upside down for her dad before leaving them to their important conversation...

At least, that was how it seemed.

Jiraiya had a reputation for peeping already, but was never very good at the stealth element of that pursuit. However, he’d been practicing his Transparent Escape Technique in his spare time and the old lady at the bathhouse hadn’t caught him once. So he cast the jutsu once it seemed like he’d left, and carefully and quiet as a mouse, tiptoed around the side of the building to crouch beneath the window from which he could hear their voices dancing on the evening wind.

#theredpalace #{theredpalace||momotaro}#this man feels immensely like a legit role model for him omg ;o;#but also... he's still a naughty lil bastard haha #as you can see :')#{thread:bignews}

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tortricidae · 2 years

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Self Care: March

Jonathan was a loser. In life, he had been called by a different name and had had a different set of priorities that had - at one point - revolved entirely around surviving through his boring life so he could get to the more exciting hobbies that dotted his mortal landscape. Though his human self had long since passed, Jonathan was not entirely aware of that, really.

No, he had somehow convinced himself that he was the protagonist of a cosmic isekai. Having no other frame of reference - and perhaps his mind could not acknowledge any other reality - Jonathan had taken the heavy burden of being the protagonist in his very own anime. And despite the ridiculousness of it all, had Jonathan been literally any other person in all the world at any other time, it might have been kind of cute to see a human live out a fantasy life as another creature.

At least for a little bit.

In the absence of television, Jonathan had taken to other forms of entertainment to occupy his time during his self proclaimed “training arcs”, and anybody who was within earshot of him had to listen as he made every effort to get better at wielding his power. He had been convinced that he had started at “Level One” and was determined to figure out how to get to “Level Two” so he could strategize how best to level up from there.

While computer games hadn’t been his preferred method of escapism, they had been around long enough for him to know the most important tropes, as well as some popular leveling methods. Grinding seemed to be an impossibility.

Jonathan had come to this conclusion relatively quickly, as monsters were not plentiful and he doubted that attacking regular civilians was how it was supposed to go. There were no health bars to be seen, and disgruntled NPCs also didn’t seem to change the environment in any way. There was no secret awareness about his own health or magical reserves either.

At some point, about three weeks after he had started traveling with Pepper, another Scarfox who seemed the only one who really understood what was going on, Jonathan had had an epiphany during the night.

He shot up from under his blankets, rousing Pepper from her own nest of blankets, her Snowfy, Salt, adhered to the side of her face. She was groggy and annoyed, having already determined that she did not like Jonathan one bit, though Salt calmed her rage with a soft peeping snore.

“The creatures!” Jonathan exclaimed. “How could I have missed a sign so obvious?”

Pepper groaned. “What are you talking about?”

Jonathan threw his blankets off him and rose to his feet, flaring out his crumpled wings until they straightened and glittered in the embers of what had once been a campfire. He was filled with a form of determination and conviction that Pepper had quickly identified as unstoppable. She rolled back over and buried herself in her blanket nest, Salt still snoring softly.

“I won’t go far,” Jonathan promised. “I’m just going to go do something real quick. I promise it will make sense when I get back.”

Pepper grunted.

Jonathan took off into the surrounding woods. The woods were very spooky during the late night hours, but Jonathan could feel fire in his soul, and he illuminated the area through his sheer willpower, casting deep shadows from the dense trees. He puffed his chest out, but didn’t shout. He was smarter than that.

“The creatures must be a key,” he said, externalizing what should have been an easily accessible inner monologue. “I must have to catch one for myself and use it for battle. Or as some kind of representation of my soul! That’s what these foxes are always on about anyway. The soul. Surely that is what I’m supposed to be figuring out during this traveling arc.”

His logic was infallible and Jonathan took to exploring the darkness of the woods to find the perfect representation of his “soul”. What he found instead was a series of red glittering eyes attached to the dark trunks.

Rather, he found darkly colored lizards with large gemstone eyes. Most of them had scattered as soon as his internal fires cast light upon them, for they were creatures of the night, even though an expert might have been able to tell that this population was displaced. Jonathan was unafraid, however, even as a particularly large one set its gaze upon him. He puffed out his chest and stared right back.

“I will not be intimidated by a beast!” he cried.

The lizard, colloquially known as a Gege, vibrated with the intensity of a small sun and Jonathan was captured by the hypnotic hums that seemed to generate from the creature’s eyes. He was lulled by it. It reminded him of server rooms and coiled wire. Warmth and indifference in equal measure. A welcomed feeling in the cold of the night.

He approached the Gege and grabbed it with his large arm. The brass colored buttons on his knuckles clanged against the trees as he scooped it up, and it released an ungodly scream. A high pitched fear response. Why wasn’t the hypnotism working?

“You,” Jonathan said. “I like your style, but your delusions cannot affect me. I’m too headstrong, which was your first mistake, haha.”

Though Geges were not known to be able to fully understand language, it somehow understood that this fox would have never fallen for its hypnotic defense mechanism.

“I’m too witty for that, but I will forgive you for trying to trick me into swimming in lava. Only this one time. And only if you come with me and represent my soul in battle.”

The Gege, once again, could do nothing. Jonathan’s hand was just too large to escape from. Even as it scurried around his fingers, more seemed to appear out of nowhere to confuse it.

“I don’t have a capsule to put you in, so I’m going to trust that you’re not going to escape, okay?”

No response.

“Excellent!” Jonathan cradled the Gege as best as he could. “I’ll call you Lavi after an old show I used to watch when I was a kid. Pepper will be excited, I bet. Even though she is tsundere. We can battle to get to know each other better. It’s a trope as old as time. We’re gonna do great, Lavi!”

However, by the time morning came around and Pepper had risen, Lavi was nowhere to be found.

#closed species #scarfox #jonathan #pepper #writing tag

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parapluiepliant · 7 years

Text

Polaris Con Panel Post - Part I

Hi peeps, mutuals and followers!

Last weekend, Eliza, Tati and Tasya were in Frankfurt attending Polaris Con. For all those of you who are interested and/or couldn’t be there, I have made some notes and written them down in two posts.

Before you start reading, I want you to be aware that I tried my best to write everything down. However, being not a machine, I might have missed a few things.

Most of the time, I’ve only written down the most important parts of the answers that were given. Therefore, the bullet points are always a paraphrase to some degree. Yet, I tried to be as close as possible to the intended meaning.

Also, take into account that I am not a native speaker.

For the panels: Any information that is interesting in regard to season 3, 4 or 5 are bolded.

In-between, you will find either some additional description or side notes that are more or less of personal nature. You can read it or leave it. It’s your choice.

Tagging specifically @slayyourdemonstogehter @alexthedevil @insufficient-earth-skills @echoxbellamy and @istilldothiseveryday because they asked me to or had questions that might be hopefully answered with that post.

I hope you enjoy it and without further ado, the Polaris Con Panel Post - Part I!

Expect Part II tomorrow.

Polaris Con – Friday and Saturday

Friday, June 2nd:

After using the Autobahn appropriately (damn you, traffic jam!), I finally got to meet @forgivenessishardforus (Sam) and @stardust-blake (Hana) in Frankfurt.

[side note: is it just me or does it really feel weird to ‘know’ people from online chats/fandoms and then meeting them for the first time in real life?]

All three of us agreed that the organisers of the con and their organisational skills are more than questionable at this point; a fact that that will unfortunately stay true in the next two days.

To tell the full story here would take too long.

Anyway, we still had a tiny bit of hope that we can get at least a partial refund when we appear at the venue. [side note: Bob had to cancel, so getting our money back for the Meet & Greet should have been a given, right?]

Registration started at 2pm and took rather long for the handful of people waiting outside. One of the reasons might have been that almost everyone wanted to have some clarification about the ridiculous rules and the vouchers they got; vouchers for things that were bought beforhand but were no longer available due to guest cancellations in masses.

Surprise surprise, we didn’t get our money back, so we had to settle for something different. Whereas Sam had (wisely) chosen to continue her travel through Europe and to visit friends instead of going to the con, Hana and I were determined to make the best out of it.

After accompanying Sam to the nearest train station (and my heroic deed to stop the train before leaving and getting several times yelled at by the train driver in the process), Hana and I went back to have our vouchers exchanged for another Meet & Greet (for which we had to pay additionally money due to the price difference).

Apart from a self-made poster depicting the dropship, a button, the photos we were allowed to use for collecting our signatures, and our pass, we got a DIN5 paper with the schedule. However, said schedule would be proven to be incomplete the next day.

Saturday, June 3rd:

10 o’clock and no opening ceremony as scheduled. Later on, we were told that the chauffeur didn’t know where the location for the event is. Eliza as well as Tasya grabbed the first taxi of which they could get a hold of, being the determined and initiative women they are.

Their duo panel (the only duo panel for the whole weekend!) took place some time past 11am instead of 10.30am with delay being a recurring theme the whole day.

Eliza and Tasya’s panel:

- Eliza and Tasya were irritated that we didn’t have a moderator.

- Eliza: In the finale, preparing Bellamy was Clarke’s way to deal with her knowledge about the radiation poisening, being convinced that she is likely to die because of Abby’s vision.

- Eliza would like to play Murphy because of his complicated character.

- Tasya would like to play Jasper because she is impressed by the character and his development throughout the seasons.

- Eliza: Richard has a Murphy playlist to which he listens to everytime he has to shoot a scene; Eliza herself doesn’t have one but always wanted to create one.

- On the day when they were shooting the scene of Azgeda marching on Arkadia, Tasya listened to a Rihanna song on the radio on her way to the location. She channeled the energy into playing Echo that day.

- Some fan asked Tasya and Eliza to enact a fanfiction on stage. After some time, they stopped because it was too long tho.

- Tasya’s and Eliza’s favourite action sequence is the fight scene between Roan and Lexa.

- Will Echo change during the time in space because of her confrontation with technology? --> Tasya thinks so. On Earth, there has been always danger of some sort, so Echo now has the chance to be a bit more “chilled out”.

- How do you manage to hate or have a conflict with your friends on screen? --> Eliza: The moment you’re on set and in your costume, you’re getting into character and the actor’s true personalities isn’t really present in that moment.

- Did Clarke draw back emotionally during the seasons and has found herself again in the season 4 finale? --> Eliza: yes, especially visible in the last scene.

- Did Clarke adapt to the leaders around her? --> Eliza: Clarke did what she thought would be the most diplomatic thing to do, by finding a middle ground between them.

- For season 5, Tasya is most excited about seeing “who is Echo at home” (due to the lack of enemies and life theratening fights). She thinks that it would be interesting to see a Grounder find to themself in space.

- How will the characters develop in season 5? --> Eliza thinks that Clarke will have taken on a more maternal role in a small scale by keeping her and Madi alive. It will also have softened Clarke and uncomplicated her mind.

- Tasya has the vision of Echo watering and taking care of plants, thus going into botany. Maybe she even teaches Raven to fight with a sword and Raven will teach her to do technical stuff. How the characters will develop and live together was actually a question Bob, Chris, Olivia, Richard, Lindsey, Chelsey, and her asked themselves and discussed for a time during the shooting of the spaceship scenes.

- Any advice when you feel self-loathing and when you experience the feeling of coming short? --> Eliza said that whenever she felt to hit rock bottom, she went back to the basics by taking one step at a time instead of tackling the gigantic mission in front of her. This also includes to take small everyday steps like waking up, making breakfast, going out to take a walk, etc.

- Eliza had made an audition tape for a movie 1 ½ year before she got the call for The 100. She didn’t get the role for the movie and had already forgotten about it, so she was surprised about the call she received for auditioning for The 100.

- Tasya said that the universe sometimes simply conspires to reward you for your hard work and stamina. She had auditioned for different Grounders (among them Anya), but Echo was the one she finally got. Reading the script, she was instantly fascinated about Echo’s character.

- What kind of tattoo would they choose for each other? --> Nutella jar.

- Tasya has a secret vault for Nutella in her trailer.

- Which Pokémon would you be?: Eliza doesn’t know Pokémon well, so she would be the “yellow guy” (Pikachu) and fans suggested that Tasya could be Vaporeon (?).

- If they could have 3 clones, how would they be called and which skills would they have? --> Eliza: 1.Ya 2.As 3.Queen; cooking, cleaning, fighting // Tasya: 1.The Good 2.The Bad 3.The Ugly; ninjas

- Clarke met Madi on her travels and picked her up along the way.

- Eliza prefers to get to know people first before giving any general advice.

- With whom would you like to switch your life? --> Both: Jessica Harmon

- The bear story (https://twitter.com/tasyanews/status/871139299483279361)

The next panel was Tati’s. Here, Hana and I were a bit late because Tati’s panel for Saturday was missing on the schedule and we were getting our autograph from Chad Rook. [side note: no one really knew why he had been there but it’s likely that the Dreams Con was mingled with Polaris; and the only attendee left for Dreams Con was Chad apparently whereas the rest had cancelled. Either way, he is a cool guy and most of us felt bad for him because so many people didn’t know him and thus didn’t know what to ask during panels]

Tati’s panel (just for the record: Tati is a literal ray of sunshine!):

- Favourite Disney Movies: Hercules and Atlantis

- Favourite Disney Song: Colour of the Wind

- Personalities that inspire her: Gandhi and Cleopatra, the 7th

- With whom did you get along the best with: Tati is very close with Chai because he is “like a big brother” to her and she cried when Ilian died on screen. She is also very close with Nadia.

- Who did you meet first on set? --> Chai

- With whom would she like to have (had) more scenes: Ian and Isaiah because they “bring a lot your way”, as well as Zach and Lindsey. She bonded the most with Chai.

- How is it to work with Adina? --> Tati said that Adina is someone who “gets shit done” and as much as she jokes on Twitter, the more so she does in person. Adina is an awesome person overall.

- Something you wish you knew before becoming an actor: how to do social media. Tati wants to talk to all her fans but doesn’t know how to reach them the best way.

- She likes karaoke a lot and her favourite songs to sing are “iSpy” by Kyle, “Dear Prudence” by The Beetles and “Let it be” (Across the Universe Version)

- Does she have a playlist for Gaia: “Rise” and “Weary”, each by Solange

- For season 5, Tati hopes that Gaia will fight for her belief as she is the face of the tradition now. She added that there are “great things ahead”.

- It was amazing to work with Adina. She is like a mother to her.

- Gaia is jealous of Octavia when it comes to her mother but respects her at the same time for the way she managed to become close to Indra. A part of Gaia wants all of them to get along and to find a way to bring them together.

- She wanted her mother’s love and seeing it going to someone else is heartbreaking for Gaia.

- Tati hopes and thinks that something will happen between Madi and Gaia in season 5 due to their current roles as nightblood and flamekeeper respectivelly. Considering Gaia, Tati thinks that she will want to have another commander because Octavia has been chosen against/not in accord with their tradition and belief. Therefore, Madi might be the chance for Gaia to make things right again.

- Tatis’s favourite Behind the Scenes took place during the filming of 4x08 when Kane, Jaha, Monty and Indra tried to get into the bunker and met the Azgeda guards. It had been 2am, it was freezing cold and everybody was delirious (especially Chris and Isaiah), and everyone was stepping on Indra’s long cloak so they had to do a lot of retakes.

- Did you watch The 100 even before you got the role: yes, but only season 1. She watched it during her 1st year in college and loved it but wasn’t a huge fan. Later on, she binge-watched it tho.

- Tati recommended to go to LA for doing animation arts or performance arts. NY would be better suited for artistic people because the culture there is more diverse and appreciative of it.

- What would Gaia study if she lived today: Theology, Ancient History and Anthropology.

- Asked for a crossover with The 100, Tati answered Supernatural.

- What does Tati think of Lexa? --> She loved Lexa (for being focused and for her elegance) as well as Alycia.

- What kind of roles would you like to play in the future? --> Anything that is completely different to her personality. ‘Rent’ would be a musical dream.

- Tati thinks that social media is supposed to connect people with another but most of the time, people put up a façade. Social media has its good as well as its bad sides to it.

- With whom will you be working more in season 5? --> Tati doesn’t know. However, she hopes to work more with Ian and Isaiah. She would have liked to have more screentime with Zach, Chai and Nadia (who is like a sister to her) if they hadn’t died. It is likely that she will have more scenes with Octavia and Indra.

- Party tricks? --> Not really because she is socially awkward.

- If she could choose who would she like to play in The 100, Tati would also love to be Roan, Jackson or Monty.

- If you could, with whom would you like to have a fight scene: Roan would be “epic”. In a Roan vs Gaia fight, Gaia would win tho as she was trained by Indra.

- Tati’s favourite book is ‘The Alchemist’ by Paul Coelho because it helped her out of a dark place and gave her a new purpose.

- If Jasper had been your friend, would you have stopped him: Tati told us that she had a friend that committed suicide. She said that she would support that person in any way she is able to. Yet, she wouldn’t hold that person back if they really wanted to go peacefully because everyone had to decide for themselves how to live their life. She cried watching the scene with Japser and was amazed by Devon’s acting because he thinks everything through.

- Does she do her own stunts: she does and loves to do them. She might also have more stunts next season.

- Who would she choose to kill off in the show if she could: for Gaia it is Roan; for her, no one as it is not in her nature to want people dead.

- Favourite type of vacation: beach trip

- What would Tati teach a nightblood? --> She strongly believes that children are the future. Therefore, she would teach them compassion and how to defend themselves emotionally, mentally, verbally, and physically. For her, learning doesn’t and shouldn’t be seen as a chore. Because “the world is your classroom”, one should go out and make their individual experiences. There is nothing to be afraid of. Life and learning is a path with no right or wrong. Beauty is in everything if you look at it and her childlike fascination is in that regard helpful to her.

- Advice for Gaia (or the other way round): Bent but don’t break.

- Tati’s comfort food: Bin Bin rice crackers and macarons.

After the lunch break,......

Eliza’s panel:

- Which Hogwarts House: Eliza doesn’t know. (“Is there a test?”) Fans told her that she might be a Hufflepuff.

- Do you know any words in Trigedasleng? --> the typical ones, followed by saying “Yo gonplei ste odon.”

- Eliza had to learn the Trigedasleng dialogue Clarke recites before taking the Flame on the spot because it was added in the last minute. Zach, Tasya and Marie are really good in speaking Trig in contrast to her.

- Favourite song: ‘Elusive’ by Scott Matthews; She has one line of the lyrics as tattoo (“my destiny lies in the hands that set me free”) (https://twitter.com/dailyejt/status/871866581797789697)

- Favourite Colour: depends on mood; usually blue because of the ocean, or red.

- Favourite episode of season 4: acting-wise the finale; it was their strongest episode yet and they all had a lot of fun with the script. With the helms, it was tough and crazy to interact with each other, so it was more lip reading than anything else.

- Would you prefer space or the bunker? --> Eliza is terrified of space as well as claustrophobic; Clarke would love to go to space tho.

- She would love to play Ilana from “Broad City”

- Eliza is still in contact with Alycia. The last time they have seen each other was last year. They are missing each other most of the times due to their busy schedules.

- Eliza’s greatest fear: being stuck in an elevator

- Eliza’s greatest joy: her friends and family because she doesn’t get to see them often

- Thumper was one of the hardest things she has ever done

- A fan asked about her school project in Thailand: the project is going well thanks to the donations but it is still hard. Seeing the whole community come together to help is amazing.

- Favourite scene of season 4: the radio scene because Clarke is now closer to her age. It also offers a calmer and more hopeful Clarke.

- According to Eliza, Bellamy and Clarke gained back the respect they had for each other in season 1 and 2, being allies. It was also good not to have to yell at Bob all the time. (https://twitter.com/SourcesThe100/status/870991188647661568)

- The audition for Thumper took place 1 ½ year before the movie began filming. She got the call for Thumper after they finished season 2. She had some workshops with the director in preparation for Thumper.

- For the Netflix original “Christmas Inheritance”, she was simply asked.

- In a real life action movie of Sailor Moon, she would like to play Sailor Moon because she could finally have those long pigtails.

- She would like to play the Schuyler sisters in Hamilton.

- How are the different relationships going to look like after the time jump? A lot will have changed.

- About Thailand food, she thinks that Pad Thai is “noodle extravaganza” and she likes to drink coconuts.

- She loves Thailand for the wonderful nature and the incredible, loving and lovely people. When she leaves Thailand after her visits, she comes always home with a different sense of what is important.

- What could Eliza and Clarke learn from each other? Clarke could teach Eliza how to delegate, and Eliza could teach Clarke how to crack a joke ot two.

- Eliza quit school in 10th grade because she was already working as an actress.

- Eliza said that she would like to have more scenes with Lindsey.

- When asked about her favourite ship, Eliza said that “she doesn’t do the shipping”.

- About the 6 years+, Eliza said that Clarke tried to but couldn’t get in touch with her mother. Eliza gathered that Bellamy and Clarke had decided off screen that Bellamy would be in charge of the radio on the Ark ring.

- The red streak of hair is related to Clarke’s disconnectedness.

- The best present fans have given her was the adoption certification of a whaleshark.

- Have Madi and Clarke a mother-daughter or a sibling relationship? Mother-daughter. Clarke might be taking on from her mother but definitely more Grounder and earth skill lessons due to their life circumstances.

- Eliza is excited that she doesn’t have to wear a wig for season 5.

- Favourite movie: “Almost Famous”; She is obsessed with the 60s/70s and loves Penny Lane.

- Eliza loves the old Batman movies.

- Playing a villain would be really cool because she never got to play one but being a bit of both (good and evil) would be fantastic.

- Does Clarke have a sense of self? --> In season 5 for sure. Before, there was too much going on for Clarke to concentrate herself on developing a sense of self.

- What would you do if Jasper was your friend? She thinks that it is a “loaded question” but Eliza would try to stop him. In case that she wouldn’t have succeeded, she would try to understand their motivation and hope that they are now at peace.

- What would she have liked to know about social media before she became an actress? --> She would have liked to be mentally prepared for it because no one really tells you how it can affect you. There should be some sort of preparation, especially for young girls who can get messed up by being exposed to the public eye. It can be very invasive and it feels like they take a piece of you without permission.

- Eliza likes the American Footbal League and sees Calden as her team. Being in Vancouver, she recently got into hockey as well.

- Eliza doesn’t like to talk about Lexa’s death. It brought a love to many people and it’s better to celebrate the good things that came out of it.

After the panel, it was our turn to get autographs of Tasya and Tati. However, the queue was too long and Tasya’s panel was about to start, so the organisers decided to hand out numbers so that people wouldn’t have a disadvantage for the second queue after the panel (needless to say that we never came back to use the numbers in any way).

Tasya’s panel:

- Tasya does some of the stunts herself, for example the fight scenes. She actually signed up for archery lessons because she still doesn’t know how to do it and had to rely on a director on set who practices archery as a hobby. She joked that you can never know how you might need that skill in space.

- If Echo would meet herself, they would fight each other.

- Tasya would teach Echo how to love other people. Echo could teach Tasya how to be strong and to stand her ground.

- Are there other projects she will stare in? --> Tasya will be part of the show “Travellers” that starts shooting in 2 days (so basically on Monday; one of the reasons she had to leave early on Sunday)

- Favourite scene: The scene when Roan cauterizes his wound. Not only Roan and Echo, but also Zach and Tasya tried to figure each other out that day. Tasya also tried to figure out how long Echo and Roan might have known each other. For that scene, the director also gave Tasya a word of action/an operative word to help her acting in that scene. The word itself was “seduce” (Roan into wanting power).

- Her resolution for 2017 was to stop eating anything that was made with palm oil because of all the damage that is done for retrieving it. Getting to know that Nutella has stopped using it made her really happy.

- Tasya is part of an organisation against human trafficking called ‘Unslaved’. After being part of a film about that topic, it was important for her to get people to talk about it without being afraid of it. It is more than important to raise awareness, stop it and help those who are threatenend to become part of the system as well as those who are left alone with their experiences.

- She got to know about her season 5 contract around the time of her birthday in February and had to stay tight lipped all the time. She was actually quite nervous during the negotiation process.

- About who she thinks might end up together in space, Tasya joked that Echo might probably end up with Monty. A bit more serious, she added that she doesn't think Echo would stick with one of them for the whole 6 years.

- Echo is pretty quiet and watchful in space and Tasya is curious about how Emori and Echo will adapt, given that they are Grounders.

- Tasya doesn’t know about Echo’s sexuality, same as Echo because her duty to protect the king was the only thing that actively occupied her thoughts.

- What would she do if Jasper would be her friend: Tasya would talk him out of it. She said that it’s a tough question and that she thinks that people respond to love which reminds people to keep fighting.

- Whereas Chelsey and Lindsey enjoy to work out, Tasya prefers Yoga and Boxing to stay fit.

- With whom would you want to be friends? Octavia because of her pissy attitude as well as Raven because she gets shit done and because Tasya likes her strength.

- Asked about a possible romantic involvement between Roan and Echo, Tasya said that she believes that it was more of a “hairpulling thing” between them, stemming from their childhood days. However, given more time it might have had potential to develop into something more. In this time frame that was shown on screen, Echo and Roan were not romantic.

- Favourite colour: purple

- About Echo’s position within the Azgeda military, Tasya said that between season 3 and 4, Echo was promoted by Roan. Yet, she was always a spy and the most trusted by Azgeda royalty.

Tasya and Tati autographs, the second try:

I told Tasya that it is really sad she has to leave early on Sunday. She said that she was actually thinking about not attending Sunday at all but decided against it. I mean, she has to take a flight on Sunday to be ready for filming “Travellers” on Monday and still decided to stay for at least a few hours?! That needs to be honoured with a hug! And so I came to hug Tasya (who looks like an actual model and I might stan her now for several reasons...don’t judge me!). All in all, everything went pretty fast so I didn’t get the chance to ask anything.

Tati was a little adorable sunshine! I asked her how she likes it so far and she told me that she was really happy, said that it is her first convention and she likes it a lot so far. Another thing I asked her was if the Flamekeeper tattoo had any symbolism or meaning behind it. Tati answered no, at least as far as she knows. The most important thing was the middle of it showing the Second Dawn symbol.

I know that Hana asked them some questions as well but I cannot for the live of me remember what it was. :/

So far, so good. Saturday is almost over. Let’s see what Con-Sunday brings.

#the 100 #polaris con #tasya teles #tati gabrielle #eliza taylor #polaris con panel #posts von meiner wenigkeit

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nomanonold · 7 years

Text

#Chihoko

I woke up still sort of hungover to this BLAST of texts from my collaborator friend telling me about HO-LY-SHIT everything that had happened in the fandom over night. But mostly, Sin wanted to write the story, because once you hear it, you HAVE to write it, right?

So here you go: our take on #Chihoko

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10762548

Or read here:

No one ever accused Yurio of being a patient, understanding friend, but this morning, no one could blame him for his outrage.

The two men he looked up to most in the world, he was literally looking up to right now, as the fucking idiots sat naked on the roof of a castle yelling at the sunrise. Since when did the youngest guy in the room end up being the only responsible one?

Since they all started drinking last night, the bastards.

------

They left Ice Castle in a fit of boisterous ego. Every single one of them knew this was going to be the best production they’d ever done. Or, at least, the very most fun. There was so much fanservice and silliness, things they’d never get away with in real competition. It was professional athletes fooling around and seeing what they could really do with their bodies without ISU judgement. The triplets kept a steady slow drip of “accidental” sneak previews feeding the public into a hyper frenzy.

The event was already sold out. Every room in Yu-Topia booked. People were staying in cities two hours away and taking the train back and forth to Hasetsu just for the “Victor and Friends” ice skating exhibition extravaganza.

The hardest part was getting Yakov to agree to let the entire Russian Team come to Japan for this. After that, Phichit, Minami, and Chris were easy to bring on board. And once he had them, it was no problem for Victor to get Seung Gil, Leo, Guang-Hong, Mickey and Sara. Because the entire city was booked, everyone was bunking with Victor, Yuuri and Yuri at Yu-Topia, but quarters were already tight, which necessitated an unfortunate amount of room sharing. In the morning, many bodies were strewn on the floor of Victor’s room, being the largest of the three. Somehow, Yurio managed to keep all the potential bed-sharers out of his closet-turned-bedroom, but he slid the door open in the early morning, thinking he’d get a head start on his preparation, to see chaos.

No one was fully clothed. There were about a dozen people in Victor’s room, on his bed, on his floor, everywhere. Yurio was immediately disgusted by this display. He didn’t even know a few of these people. Everyone was asleep. They needed to be at Ice Castle in a few hours. What the fuck was going on?

Finally, Yuri spotted Yuuri: or what was left of him.

“Katsudon! What the hell hap--..?” but he couldn’t finish his thought.

Yuuri looked worse than the entire room put together. He was ass-up at the foot of Victor’s bed, face a passed-out heap on one of his folded arms. The other arm was splayed at a hard angle. He was drooling and snoring. His back was covered in sharpie marker.

To top it all off, he had a pair of too-small bikini-style men’s underwear on his head, spraying his hair into a million odd angles through the leg holes. Black, of course, and undoubtedly Victor’s.

Speaking of which.

Yuri narrowed his eyes, taking a closer look at the scrambled assortment of human flesh.

“Yuuri!” Yuri woke his rival up the best way he knew how: kicking Yuuri over onto his side and then repeatedly punching Yuuri with his foot.

“Where did you put Victor?!” Yuri exclaimed. For all the bodies in the room, none of them were the star of the upcoming show.

That was a problem.

Yuuri finally woke up, moaning, and blinked at Yuri for all of two seconds before he was leaning off the edge of the bed, grabbing the upturned waste basket by his desk, and hurling into it.

That was the last straw.

Yuri yelled at the entire room to wake up.

“Victor’s not here?” Yuuri finally managed, blinking through the pounding of his head, groaning. He was somewhere between drunk and hungover and didn’t know which was worse.

Everyone else was making similar noises, complaining and bitching and getting groggily to their feet.

“Where the fuck is Victor?!” Yuri repeated. Normally, it took a steel spatula to pry Victor off of Yuuri, and yet now, on the morning of his big event, he was nowhere to be seen? Something was off.

People started looking at their phones, trying to see if they’d heard from Victor, received a text, or if Victor was somewhere Instagramming his heart out as was his routine in the early morning.

No one had heard a peep.

“Maybe YOU did something to him, Yurio!” Georgi accused, in the beginning of a panic.

“What the FUCK would I do to Victor?!”

“You have always wanted to be Russia’s only star, get out from under Victor’s shadow,” Mila declared, her suspicion teetering between legitimate and playful. How the hell had Mila wound up in this room? The girls were supposed to take Yuuri’s room.

“Like I need any help with that, Baba!” Yuri growled.

“Look,” Mickey said, holding up a scribbled napkin that had fallen out of the waste bin when Yuuri grabbed it for other purposes. On the napkin were various poorly-scripted show names: YURI ON DARKNESS, YURI ON GALAXY, YURI ON TIGER, ME VS THE WORLD. “You even want your own show!”

“HEY!” Yurio glowered, disguising his embarrassment as anger. “Those -- That’s --- HALF OF THOSE WERE OTABEK’S IDEAS!”

Sometime during this conversation Chris - who was nowhere to be seen - had tweeted:

“Victor! Where are you?!” with winking smiles, and now everyone’s phones were blowing up. Chris had just informed the rabid, sold-out crowds that Victor was missing.

Minako burst into the room of mostly-still-asleep half-naked men: “Yuko just called! What the hell happened last night!? Where’s Victor????”

That outburst got everyone awake for real, and people who didn’t stand up fast enough for Minako’s tastes got kicked in the ribs or butt.

“Yuri-kun! What is that on your back?!” Minami squealed, pointing with one hand and clutching his gasping mouth with the other.

Minako spun her protege around. “It’s in Russian! It must be from Victor!”

She promptly shoved Yuuri into Yurio. “READ IT! WHAT DOES IT SAY?!?!”

Yurio was suddenly in too-close proximity to Yuuri’s, sweaty, alcohol-smelling, naked flesh. He growled and struggled, but the group overpowered him.

“Please, Yurio?” Yuuri finally begged, bending over and trying to do a ‘flat back’ style yoga pose to ease Yurio’s reading of the text. “We need to know where Victor is. We can’t do ‘Victor and Friends’ without Victor.”

“You know, we could always --” Georgi started, Mila beside him, but Yuri wasn’t one to be shown up.

Yuri looked away, shrugged off his captors and growled: “It says Victor will beat Chihoko. Or… overcome Chihoko.”

Almost simultaneously, nearly everyone in the group uttered some variant of: “Who the fuck is Chihoko?”

Yurio stomped towards his room. “How the heck should I know! IDIOTS! I hate all of you!” and did his best to slam the sliding door before throwing himself onto his bed with a pillow over his head so he couldn’t hear the madness outside. He did his part to help in the search by texting Victor.

The fuck have you gone?

“Oh no. This is terrible,” Yuuri clutched his forehead in the other room and tried to stand, failing, and slumping back against the bed.

Seung Gil looked nervously around the room and was happy the Victor disappearance overshadowed his own… actions… last night. He tried to further deflect attention from himself by announcing:

“Katsuki Yuuri, one thing needs to be said before we go on.”

Yuuri looked up at him with the saddest, most beaten down eyes, hoping for comfort from a younger, kinder friend.

“Put some clothes on!”

This entire time, in front of Minako Sensei and everyone else, including, OH GOD BAKA MINAMI KUN, Katsuki Yuri had been balls and dick hanging out for all the world to see.

Yuuri immediately grabbed the trashcan and threw up again.

“Okay, okay,” Phichit decided to try and save the day. “Everyone’s seen a drunk morning after movie, right?” There was bleary, non-committal nodding in response. “Well, we have to retrace our steps, look for clues! Everyone empty your pockets and try to remember what happened last night!”

“We ate katsudon for dinner.” Georgi pulled out his receipt from downstairs.

“Oh yeah,” Mickey continued to build his case against the Russian Fairy. “Victor said ‘Here’s your katsudon, kitten’ and then Yurio got pissed.”

Mila laughed and mocked with her best Yurio voice: “I am the ICE TIGER!”

Leo shuddered. “That was when things started to get… gross…”

Guang Hong looked at his phone and found a video of Chris. He hit play.

The Swiss star lounged salaciously in the middle of a Victor and Yuuri sandwich. He leaned into Yuuri, purring: “Do you want to... drink my… sake?” The tone made it clear he was talking about anything but sake.

Yuuri feigned pushing him away, leaning Chris into Victor. “It’s OUR sake, Chris.” He corrected. “It belongs to Yu-Topia.”

Leo and Guang Hong could be heard near the phone: “Ugh. Adults are gross.”

The video kept playing to prove the youngsters right. Chris snorted at the pair and turned his weighty gaze on them. “If we’re so adult for you, why don’t you go to your mums, get a nice suckle of milk, and go sleep in your cribs, hmm?” The words alone were bad, but Chris accented them with a slow swirl of his finger around his nipple and a squeeze of his pectoral.

The video ended.

Minako was flush and excused herself to go look for Chris and Victor since they both had to be out in the town somewhere.

“THAT’S IT!” Yurio burst from his bedroom. “Yuuri was jealous of Victor flirting with Chris all night and hid him away!” He pointed a finger of judgment at Yuuri as the Japanese skater pathetically tried to hop into a pair of pants. Phichit, bless his soul, was acting as a human railing for Yuuri to hold on to to stay balanced as he dressed.

“It looked more like Chris was flirting with Yuuri,” Leo offered.

“They were all pretty into each other,” Georgi sighed, enamoured by the love his friends shared. “I don’t think either Victor or Yuuri would be jealous of Chris.” Yuuri buried his face in his hands.

“Oh! Look at this video!” Mila chirped.

A far more sober video began to play, it must have been from much earlier than the Chris milking incident.

Victor and Yuuri were drinking, but slowly, and the video panned to everyone around the room enjoying themselves, fully clothed.

Victor jumped up behind Yuuri and grabbed him around the waist.

“Yuuuuri my cuuuteee piiggyyy!” His fingers began to squeeze Yuuri’s pooch over his shirt. “Your off season soft tummy is sooo squishy!” Then his hands got up under Yuuri’s shirt and exposed his tummy. “I squish it!”

Yuuri squirmed a bit adorably and whined: “Victor!! Everyone’s watching!”

This did absolutely nothing to disincentivize Victor.

“What the heck, Mila?!” Yuuri groaned as the video actually zoomed in on Victor’s hand smooshing a warm circle over Yuuri’s bare and adorably pudgy stomach.

“Poodgy poofy woofy!” Victor laughed and jiggled the flesh.

Mila covered a spit-take style laugh with her hand as the video stopped playing.

“Maybe Katsudon got jealous that everyone saw Victor being cute with him and wanted to keep him to himself!” Yurio tried to shout, but it was drowned out by the combined cacophony of everyone laughing at the video.

“No. This clue doesn’t help.” Phichit scratched his chin and did his best detective voice. “Anything else anyone remembers?”

“Oh! I’ve got one!” Leo cheered. “Oh! This is a good one! I bet this is it!”

The newest video showed Victor flirting with Chris this time. Yuuri had lost an article of clothing or two, but still had his pants on.

“Victor! Stop looking at Chris and look at meeeeeee!”

Victor’s position in the onsen made it possible for him to be facing both Yuuri and Chris at once.

“Yuuri, I AM looking at you!”

“You’re not looking enough.”

Snickering could be heard in the background as drunk-video Yuuri put on a pouty face and reached for Victor. Once he had Victor in his clutches, Yuuri’s Sochi banquet begging voice was suddenly all anyone could hear in the room. At full volume, Katsuki Yuuri wailed:

“Victor! Do it with me!”

Minami-Kun, hearing this from the recording, dropped his phone with a loud thud. His body when rigid and he didn’t even try to retrieve the device.

“Do what?” came the silver tongued reply in the video.

“That thing we do… when we drink… do that… do it with me…”

Yurio covered his ears and his growls were crescendoed to a roar of insolent rage. He knew this was all Yuuri’s fault! No one listened to him!

The video ended.

“That’s right!” Phichit laughed. “You guys came back in here and started playing Yakyuken! Oh, Yuuri-kun, you lost… BAD. You were naked in like ten minutes.”

“KATSUKI SHIT YUURI!” Yurio erupted.

Yuuri had buried his face in the pillow by this point, curled up into a ball and commenced a long, aching, moan. No had had the courage to tell him that Victor’s underwear was still on his head. Finally he admitted in a whine of pain: “It’s true… I want to disappear…”

Georgi raised a delicate finger. “I saw Victor when he left last night! He was naked when he left! And he kept saying something.” His steepled his fingers against his temples as he paced, wracking his brain. “Chin… hoko…?”

Minami went more crimson than he already was. “Uh, is had to be something else, right Georgi? He couldn’t have been repetitively saying…” he blanched, “penises, could he?”

Mila guffawed. “That sounds about right for drunk Victor!”

Yurio screamed. “Chihoko, you ass!” at Georgi. “The same thing that’s written on Yuuri’s stupid sweaty, stinking back!”

“OH!” Phichit suddenly exclaimed. “Chihoko!!!” He’d tagged that on one of his IG pics the previous night: Yuuri and Victor, waist up, though Victor had one of Yuuri’s ankles in his hands and was compressing the Japanese skater into an impressive stretch. “Look!”

“I… I have a video from then…” Minami whispered in horror. His cheeks were bright red, and he couldn’t bring himself to press play. He held out his phone in one hand, the other covering his eyes.

It looked like Minami had been trying to take a video of Yuri and Leo balancing cards, but in the background, sure enough, were Victor and Yuuri, half out of frame but their voices clear:

“Who…. is Chihoko!?” Victor gasped in alarm, dropping Yuuri’s leg. Yuuri twisted around and wrapped his arms around Victor’s neck, slurring:

“Are youuuu maaaaaadddddd,” Yuuri teased, his butt shaking in the video as he pushed Victor back.

“No!” Victor tried to scoff.

“Yess youuu arrrreeeee!”

The pair’s words escalated, but the video cut off abruptly as Yuri and Leo’s card tower fell down.

“My Victor and Yuuri got a divorce!” Phichit shrieked in horror.

Yuuri made another deathly noise from his pillow.

#Chihoko was on several people’s phones, with the question trending online “Who is Chihoko?!” The skaters were all asking one another the same question, now.

That was when Emil walked in, blinked at the sight of everyone, shook his head like clearing a nightmare, and asked: “Why is Victor naked on top of the castle?”

Even Yurio was stunned silent.

“What?” Yuuri finally had to ask.

“Victor… he’s… er….” Emil nodded the way he’d came. “He’s naked. Stretching. On the castle roof.”

“Oh, god.”

Yuuri made a move for the door, and it wasn’t until he was almost out of Yu-Topia that Emil called: “Take that underwear off your head!”

Yuuri would never forgive Phichit for this.

By the time Yuuri reached the castle, panting, out of breath, and quite certain he was still drunk, the sky was light enough that sunrise was imminent.

One story above him, the love of his life was up there stretched into a pose that mimicked one of the nearby statues. It was an impressive sight, cock and all. Before Yuuri could even open his mouth, Victor was shouting:

“IS THIS BETTER THAN CHIHOKO!?”

Yuuri blinked.

“WHO THE HELL IS CHIHOKO!” He held out his hands in exasperation towards his love: “I COULD SEARCH THE WHOLE WORLD; THERE’S NOBODY BETTER THAN YOU!”

And he saw and heard the little shriek of joy this caused in Victor.

By this time, the others had arrived, only a few stragglers still coming up the hill. Chris had run into Emil on the other man’s way to Yu-Topia and had been standing below Victor trying to talk him down for more than thirty minutes. Phichit greeted Chris with a chipper grin:

“Have you been babysitting him this whole time? You missed all the fun this morning.”

Chris smiled and flashed his phone, revealing a photo of Seung Gil laying kisses on a stunned Nishigori: “Oh, Phichit, the day is only just beginning.”

Victor caught everyone’s attention when he hailed from above: “Yuuuuuri! Strip and join mee!!!”

Chris and Phichit laughed, like Victor had made a funny joke, but Yuuri stared pure-hearted determination up at Victor and promptly started removing his shirt and pants all over again.

“Ahhhhh! Yuuri! Amazing!” Victor swooned when Yuuri finally caught up to him, walking carefully along the rooftop. “Am I shining, Yuuri?!”

“Very, very brightly,” Yuuri agreed, the first rays of the sun catching on Victor’s pale skin and making him glow.

“THIS CHIHOKO MAY BE YUURI’S PAST,” Victor called down to the assembled skate group, who had absolutely no idea how to deal with this situation, “BUT I AM YUURI’S NOW!”

Yuuri nuzzled into Victor’s naked body and bare skin.

“Oh good, everyone!” Phichit enthused. “My best friend got remarried!!!”

There was a round of clapping from the assembled skaters as Victor and Yuuri took their seats on the roof, arms hugging waists, watching the sunrise.

“I’M BETTER THAN CHIHOKO!” Victor cried out happily.

“HE’S BETTER THAN THE SUN!” Yuuri joined him, pointing at the half moon of burning light.

“I’M BETTER THAN THE WORLD!!!”

---

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Yuri growled from the ground.

This was why he shouldn’t let those two around alcohol.

It was officially confirmed for their fans and all of their friends. Victor and Yuuri were a couple of drunk exhibitionists. Next time they called Yurio to be part of their show, he would tell them to fuck off. Fuck right off. There was no way he was getting sucked into this again. The disgusting public affection. The raunchy nudity. The uncontrollable theatrics. Up early enough to see the fucking sunrise!

Yuri huffed, surrounded by his skating family, after one of the most ridiculous nights of his life, and couldn’t entirely hide the way his lip quirked up as he looked at that horizon.

#yoi #yuri on ice #chihoko #victuuri #phichit chulanont #Yuri Plisetsky #ao3 #fanfic

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lestwinsfanfics · 8 years

Text

Just Friends - Chapter 51

**Hi everyone! Happy New Year**

Aaliyah

“Leslie, I literally just got out of the shower.” I said into the phone. Goosebumps covered my naked body, wrapped only in a damp towel, as I rushed into my much warmer room. Luckily, the sun kept this side of the apartment significantly warmer, and while I would be thankful for the A.C. in the building when the heat index rose later on this week, currently I felt icy cold.

I missed the LA sun. Even in the colder months, Los Angeles still managed to not leave me with the shivers and the need to pile layer upon layer of clothing underneath a thick jacket. In New York, I wouldn’t be so lucky.

Being in New York these past few months had been a whirlwind. I was constantly on the move, rushing from meeting to meeting and work had picked up severely, what with training beginning on the newest managerial program. It seemed that I never had a chance to rest. Once I finally got settled in the city, my world rocked again with Leslie’s move to the east coast. It was her best chance at therapy and full recovery for her legs after the accident. Luckily being that Byron and Thalia lived here, she was still with family and close enough to me by train or uber. California just didn’t have the support anymore that she would need to recover in full. We could all be present in a better capacity in the same state.

This was why she currently blew up my line this particular afternoon. She was waiting for me to make my way upstate with food, and I of course was late.

“You should have been out of the shower like an hour ago.” She replied, her voice deadpan, causing me to kiss my teeth loudly.

The melodic sounds of Blood Orange’s first album could faintly be heard and almost distracted me. Kyra, my roommate and another associate at the firm, had music going, muffled by her door, and I knew she was probably occupied with something, per usual. That girl busted her ass at the firm and I couldn’t have been happier to have made quick friends with her. She was just a few years my senior, and had been working under Janet in Atlanta initially. She was hand selected, just as I had been, meaning that we had a lot of extra work on our shoulders and expectations for our performances were high. She and I worked well together actually but rarely interacted as of late due to completely differing schedules, which made us living together pretty much a piece of cake. It was almost as if I lived alone most of the time.

As much as I liked her, and enjoyed our living arrangement, I was excited to be potentially moving in with Noelle and Tyler in a few months. Their roommate had an offer with the Chinese consulate and was torn between taking it or working as a translator in the city. Kyra didn’t mind the pending change, our office had more than a few people looking for different housing options. With the convenient location and at the rate we would be able to offer my spot, the room would be scooped up by someone almost instantly.

“Well I hope you rinsed the funk of nigga off of your body well enough.” Leslie’s voice filled the room and I rolled my eyes, grabbing my lotion and oils and immediately spotting a discarded hoodie. The fresh and woody scent of cologne filled the air as I lifted it and hung it on my doorknob. I had to force myself not to put it against my nose.

“Really, Leslie?”

“What?” She said, calmly. I laughed. “You coming over looking like you just got fucked and I’m sitting here tired and sweaty…from rehab? No way. Not fair.”

’You forgot something here’ I quickly text, before closing iMessage and focusing myself on my moisturizing regimen, while completely ignoring her insinuation. I wouldn’t give her any extra ammo. “…did you place the order?”

“I did right before I called you,” she said with grunt. Either she was shifting or stretching, but a voice in the background asked if she was okay. That was strange. Byron wasn’t usually home long after she went to rehab. Office hours kept him very busy during the day, so usually these were the times I’d make myself present for her. A vibration against my desk interrupted my questioning mind, and her continued speaking passed my thoughts on.

“It should be ready in 45 minutes and that was 15 minutes ago.” Her sing songy voice ended with a giggle that immediately made me smirk. When she was hungry and knew food was coming, her excitement grew tenfold. For someone as thin as she was, it was miraculous how much food she could put away.

“Greedy ass.” I snickered.

“Okay let me finish getting ready and I’ll call you when I leave here.”

We said our goodbyes and my music commenced, the small beats pill giving my room enough sound to drown out the silence that closing my room door gave me.

It wasn’t full silence of course - New York was never quiet. But sometimes it got lonely and the noise made me feel even more alone.. Seeing Leslie kept my thoughts away from that feeling. Spending time with myself helped too, but with the way my thoughts could run, I found myself avoiding alone time more than embracing it.

A buzz quieted my music momentarily and the little headphone emoji and the letter J flashed across the screen with the unread notification.

“I love that hoodie. Don’t get too comfortable with that one baby girl.”

I shook my head with a small smile, attaching my phone to its cord plugged into the wall instead of offering up an answer.

Ever since Jamal had re-entered my world it was like he never left. There was no grace period. No taking it slowly. No new beginnings. The day he showed up at my door was the day he never stopped being there.

–

I sighed in relief at my two large boxes of clothes. Who knew I had accumulated this many items in my time here. I could have sworn I lived like a minimalist. There were still clothes for the suitcase and then clothes that I would use to wrap valuables instead of using up all of the bubble wrap. Luckily, it would probably be only two extra suitcases with these boxes and with my business class flight, that came free.

In three days, I would be in New York.

Because I was entering into the new management and associate program, my work dialed back significantly in Los Angeles. Training had begun on the lower level and with interns in order to maintain my clients and the clients of those whose applications had been accepted and the newer employees that we would soon gather with the new place opening in Manhattan. I would still have a hand in everyone I had been working with, especially CJ and the twins… But I would be more silent as far as my presence. It came with the territory of taking on this new position.

For that I wouldn’t complain. Things had been tense between the twins and I, especially Larry, once I explained to them that I would no longer be living in LA. Laurent was supportive mostly, albeit annoyed with me not telling them of my plans sooner.

Larry, on the other hand, felt that I kept it from the two of them purposely and thought it was unprofessional and immature of me, his words exactly. That, with a series of other events, lead to us cutting off majority of conversation. We only spoke business, and almost exclusively through email and as much as I missed him… them both, I knew that in order to fully immerse myself in this new life that I would have to let go and handle my shit. I’d deal with this bump in the road later on. Hopefully it would just brush over and we could work something out later on once work had died down and they were off tour.

I mean… I doubted it would go that seamlessly but entertaining the best possible scenario kept my mind off of the imminent dwelling that would come from delving too far into what never should have been an issue in the first place.

These past few days had just been me keeping busy and my mind drifting off, ultimately leading back to the nonsense with Larry, or the recent sightings of -

A heavy knock threw me from my distracted mind and I raised my eyebrows in question. With light steps, I headed toward the living room, planning on avoiding it if it was a neighbor. I didn’t really need any distractions and the new young couple across the hall liked to pop by every so often since they’d moved in last month. Checking the peep hole, much to my surprise, a white v-neck shirt and jean jacket, with the hint of a chest tattoo was all that I could see.

My heart beat a little quicker as my mind tried to process the familiar hint of a wing and cursive script at my eye level.

I opened the door after a breath, my eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion. I couldn’t say this was an expected visit. “… hi?”

“Hey.”

After a moment, I felt rude and moved to the side to let him in, not being able to control my arms from wrapping around my own frame in a protective way. Things were awkward and to be honest I was stunned by his presence at my door. His body language was very nervous, and while he didn’t want to show it, the way he rocked and couldn’t maintain my eye contact was telling. I’d figured I’d be getting a phone call soon, but him being at my door? I was thrown off.

Especially since the last time we’d seen each other, there were no words exchanged… and I had wondered if he even planned on trying to reestablish contact between us. Nevertheless, I wasn’t expecting him to be in my living room.

“What, um… what are you doing here?” I did my best to control my tone and make it even, not giving away my true sentiments. I didn’t know whether to slap him or hug him tight.

Jamal’s broad shoulders lifted as he sighed, raising the denim that covered them with a shrug. “Honestly… I’m not really sure.”

I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion and leaned back until I was seated against the arm of the couch.

A few days ago, after a few hours spending time by Leslie’s side, I was saying my goodbyes and preparing myself to spend a bright sunny Saturday afternoon in the office. I had a list of shit to do, including finalizing some billing and schedules for the upcoming week. Things were getting more and more crazy, and for my own sanity I needed to make sure that everything could flow as smoothly as possible. Not only that, but all ends needed to be closed up before I left and that was something I could do better than anyone else. Having my hands tied wasn’t an option, so I spent hours outside of my normal 40 plus handling my shit.

As I paced impatiently near the elevator doors, a familiar head of hair caught my eye. My breath caught momentarily as I observed his steps. Jamal rounded the corner to this wing of the hospital, moving slowly with his head alternating between his phone and the wall, seemingly cross checking the room numbers.

Had I not stopped to envelop Byron in a long bear hug, one of which he grilled me about my well being and overall stress levels, he and I probably would have run into each other at the entrance to the hospital. Nonetheless it was clearly fate that day that we would cross paths.

Luckily, the delay allowed me to see him coming and prepare myself a bit better. Our eyes locked and his handsome yet sweet features softened even more at the sight of me. I couldn’t take my eyes off of his, and his on mine… however neither of us spoke a word. The ping of the elevator took me away from staring. When I turned around, he was still looking my way through the closing doors.

All thoughts of the last time we spoke rushed to my mind and I shook them away, but since then, I couldn’t deny that he had been on my mind. I glanced at my phone every few minutes, and found myself struggling to stay focused, which annoyed me endlessly. It took a while to find my groove, and even when I finally forced my phone off of airplane mode, the lack of missed calls or texts told me that my distractions were worthless.

“I uh…” Jamal reached backwards and scratched his head, plopping down onto the chair directly across from where I was seated. “… I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the last time I saw you.”

My arms crossed in front of me, and I toyed with the fabric of my leggings as I fought against playing in my hair. He didn’t deserve to see my vices.

Normally, I would have said something instantly to ease the tension, make him more comfortable with his actions. I had always been one to brush things over with people I cared about. I hated tension, and facing it stressed me out more than anything. While I didn’t think about Jamal as often as someone who had been wronged by their… friend with benefits, likely would have, I still held strong feelings about what he did, what he said, and how we ended things.

His energy in this moment was more sincere than I had seen during the time we spent together. Gone was the flirtatious playboy with the silly smirk. Gone were the playful glances and touches. I watched him fix his mouth over and over, only to not say a word and just take another deep breath as to prepare himself.

“I just… I guess I ain’t really know what to say when I saw you at the hospital.”

“Sorry would have been a good start.” I tilted my head with a sigh.

“Yeah.” he looked downward at his shoes. I didn’t have to follow his eyes to know it was a pair of jordan breds. Those were his staple. “But-”

“There’s a but?” I bit back before he could finish.

“Not against you.” He sighed. “Not because of anything you said to me or whatever. You’re right. I could have and should have probably led with sorry. But I owe you more than that. Shit was fucking with me that I couldn’t just bring myself to come to you and apologize for how I acted.”

I fidgeted in my place, licking my lips and sighing in agreement with what he was saying. He did owe me, severely. I could tell this was hard for him and I couldn’t help but want to see him sweat… but truthfully, as disrespectful as Jamal had been, I couldn’t say I spent nearly as much time upset over his actions as I did over those of a certain someone else.

Call it fucked up that I compared Jamal to Larry. I couldn’t help it. But I wouldn’t let myself be disrespected again. That was part of the motivation in me giving him a hard time.

“Jamal…”

“So I came here to talk to you. I didn’t really prepare nothin’, I ain’t really think about it but I knew I needed to man up and give you the conversation you deserve from me.”

He sighed, his head falling to the side. “I was jealous as fuck with you and you still dealing with old dude…”

My chest thumped a beat harder at the unnamed mention of Larry. Old habits ingrained in my body wouldn’t die with the ones I could control. “…My way of dealing with that was childish as fuck and you didn’t deserve what I said or how I was acting. It was straight up ego, and I’ve never been that way with you. I don’t know what made me start aside from losing my shit and feeling confused. I’m not used to women holding me up to a mirror and making me see my own bullshit but you do.”

I swallowed my thoughts of him and focused on the present. “Do I, now?”

“You know you do.” His eyes were so round and he gave them to me fully. “… and you don’t even try. That shit is crazy. Yeah you let me get away with shit but no one fucks me up like you do. I knew what I was getting into dealing with you and I told myself I wouldn’t get jealous or be a bitch about it, but I did.”

Its ironic because I never intended to have that effect on him. I didn’t hold him to any special standard compared to other men i’d dealt with. I was easy on him. I was easy on everyone.

Was being the imperative word. My sanity required me to deal with people a bit differently after some long meditation and self reflection.

“You could have said this on the phone.” I said quietly.

“Huh?”

I held the smooth metal of my iPhone in the air. “Jamal, meet the iPhone, phone, meet Jamal. Steve Jobs is the brain behind this. I know you have one, I’ve seen the blue bubbles. You know how these work right?”

“I’ma take your sarcasm in stride right now although I know what you’re trying to do. You’re pushing me away and trying to force my hand but Aaliyah you don’t get it.” He paused, stepping toward me slowly until my phone was in his hand and face down on the table nearest the couch. I sighed dramatically and rolled my eyes. I hadn’t planned on dealing with this today and although Jamal was being sincere and sweet, I didn’t want him to think he could ever wild out like he did last time we spoke.

“See, you and I owe it to this little… thing we have or had to at least try to figure out where we stand.”

“We do?”

“We do, and you know it. Things are too easy for us not to. Aaliyah I fucked up with you, I did. I’m sorry as fuck that I hurt you and said some next shit but I care about you, and I know you feel the same.”

“You do?” I questioned, genuinely.

“I do. If you don’t think we’re worth exploring, tell me that shit right now.” He grabbed my chin in his hands gently, forcing my eyes back into his. “You and I have created a stronger bond with each other through all of this. You’re more than just some girl I flirt with that knows my boys. I’m not saying we’re destined to be in a relationship or that you and I are perfect for each other, but you can’t sit here and tell me that since we saw each other in the hospital it hasn’t been eating at you that we lost our connection.”

–

He was right.

Ever since that day we locked eyes in the hospital he had been on my mind heavy and as mad as I was about his behavior, I couldn’t help but think about the possibilities for the two of us with regard to our relationship. We owed it to ourselves to at least see what could come of things. If an amazing friendship was in the cards, then so be it. If we were meant to be together, then that would come as it did.

But he was placed in my world for a reason.

One thing was for certain. We were bound to be in each others lives by force, familial connection, or something unknown.

After that day, he and I decided to take things the more natural route. While the flirtation didn’t really dial back, we were relishing in the time spent getting to know one another and hanging out while we both lived on the east coast. His energy changed for the better out here as well. He still maintained the ladies man persona, but the air was lighter, more pleasant, and less cocky and entitled.

It was also comforting to have him around. Having a steady set of constant friends, not having to worry about people not understanding my heavy schedule, and knowing if I ever needed him, he was one call away, really helped my transition in ways I both could and couldn’t imagine.

I noticed that the rest of the album had played itself out and instead of picking something else, I allowed myself to be covered in the silence.

Covered was an ironic word choice. How could one be covered when they felt completely bare? I was still naked, save for my underwear at this point. But even past that, the few moments like this always left me to feel completely exposed.

Sometimes, the feeling was too overwhelming, and instead of embracing, I would pop the door open a crack to hopefully hear the music or some form of movement coming from Kyra’s side.

I felt like there should have been noise at all times, so when I had the space to myself, I would want to leave the TV or a unnecessary light on but damnit, electricity was a bitch that I wasn’t paid enough to take for granted.

I called family, and friends, and for the moment it would drag me away from my restlessness, but that had to end at some point. I’d even thrown myself into working and friends and drinking copious amounts of wine, not the good stuff or the hard stuff though. That was for special occasions, celebrating work achievements or the few personal ones I would experience. But wine nonetheless was a big part of my world. My mouth watered at the thought and I slipped my robe on, creeping into the kitchen and grabbing the unfinished bottle from when Jamal left. My feet padded on the hard, chilly floor and the creaking noise was only audible to me.

Next to the bottle sat a bag with a slice of cheesecake. I considered indulging but I wouldn’t. I didn’t need it right now, and would maybe have some after the opening party tomorrow at the firm. I hummed the melody to refill by Elle Varner and laughed to myself at my silliness. But there was no one to share the moment with and I brushed aside the slightly weird feeling of singing and laughing to myself. Truthfully, the quiet wasn’t the problem. It was the lacking of one person.

As full and as action packed as my busy moments had been, I still found myself missing the sheer existence of Laurent and Larry. But with the way things had gone last time Larry and I spoke, conversation attempts between Lau and I seemed fruitless and I didn’t even want to be disappointed in the lack of contact.

Ever since Larry had basically been done with me I felt out of sorts behind all of the other parts of my life that were great. While my adjustment had been stressful in both good and bad ways, having someone that you normally could share those moments with not wanting to communicate with you was hard. So many texts had gone deleted as I forced myself to work out the muscle memory I had with passing along accomplishments and praises…

This was why I hated the silence.

I was forced to play back every moment that ran across my mind, and no matter what thoughts I brought to the forefront, the one that lingered was my final one with Larry. I regretted leaving like I did and I was stupid for thinking that brushing things over would be the fixer and allow us to maintain some sense of stability while it was not just him who was gone from the place we’d been calling home.

It had only been a few months. And yet… It felt like an eternity.

The monday after I’d moved, we had our first group meeting at the new firm. The other project managers besides myself came from the LA office as well as from Joseph’s firms in Chicago and here, and they were hand selected by Joseph and Linda based on quality and on output. No slackers, highest quality employees, and everyone was equal parts smart and savvy. There was me, obviously, with Dalia and Whitney from Keller LA, a guy named Paul from Long Island who’d been one of Joseph’s best staff, and Benji, Dom and Nicole from Chicago. Shortly after Janet brought a few from her staff, including Kyra. The lot of us got along immediately, I was shocked at the lack of tension between anyone and grateful to jump in to work on a good note.

Since we were simply opening a new office in conjunction with Keller, we’d kept clients, making the transition a lot easier. Dalia was one of my favorite coworkers back in LA, and while she didn’t know details, she could tell something had been going on between Larry and I, and she opted to take on their work as their face to face person in the city temporarily. It was also best for the interns, considering she led the internship program, and the twins were a client they all did some work with at times.

I handled majority of the behind the scenes stuff, booking, speaking with clients, managing money and schedules and trips, while Dalia was their point person, showing up and helping out when need be. They’d been on tour with Beyonce for a while, with the occasional workshop and club event breaking up concerts, so it wasn’t hard to work with them for her.

Lau was the most resilient about the change, Dalia said. I figured he would be.

When she walked into the meeting instead of me and let them know that she’d be their assistant as it stood for the club tour during Beyonce’s, immediately Larry’s face dropped and Lau shook his head and fought it. She explained that I was busy working on another client who needed a bit more attention than we did, and that she’d be working with me on the transition.

What they didn’t seem to understand is that I would still be involved in full, aside from face to face moments, where she’d step in. C.J. had a press tour that would need my undivided attention for a few weeks, and that plus the managerial program had me on my last leg. All of that, with the addition of up and coming hot model Kory Aston, who needed me to chaperone every meeting and ensure his green, fresh entrance into the cut-throat modeling world didn’t leave him taken advantage of, my schedule was a lot. It made all of the sense for Dalia, who was the one who supported the club tour in the first place, to jump in and help me.

She told them it was a training process, a test, all kinds of things to pacify their questions, which was true. We needed the main managers to be able to take on pre-existing clients, and set up backups for everyone so major shifts in the system were normal and expected. No one except me, however, knew that his was more than just a standard system put in place with the new changes. I needed a break… all of the disruptions in my life were happening at once and I couldn’t deal with my personal life and professional life bullshit colliding.

I needed just a break from two people who I’d hurt by leaving with no regard, two people that I loved endlessly, and one who had hurt me just as bad, and now couldn’t stand to see my face. I had to focus on what was best for me.

All the other clients adjusted fine. The twins however, were a different story. Laurent was pissed that I hadn’t talked to them about what was going on, which to be fair, wasn’t intentional. I had come down with a nasty stomach virus and that was the one and only reason I couldn’t attend the meeting that day. Larry’s reaction to the news told me enough. Dalia said he was quiet the entire meeting, save hellos and goodbyes. Not mean, not hurt, just… Quiet. She described it as him being more “open to the change.”

To me, I knew he didn’t care.

I called and called and called them both after that day. I never was one to blow up anyone’s phones but I put my pride aside to ensure them that we would still work together and that although Dalia was point for now that it was temporary. Lau ignored all three of my calls that day, and the few I left the next day. Larry sent me to voicemail every single time, before finally sending me a text that communicated everything he felt as simply as possible.

“Fuck off. Stop texting me.”

I cried my eyes out. Then went to work the next day as if it never happened, with a slightly heavier application of concealer to hide the bags under my eyes.

Tomorrow would be the first time I would see them since I left LA, and the first time I’d see Larry since he said just that. .

I’d scheduled their flight to get in early in the morning. They’d likely miss it, which I would be okay with because the only flight would get them in with barely enough time to attend the party.

As I pulled up the arm of my jumpsuit up on the other side, I barely had time to relish in the comfort before my phone rang and buzzed loudly against my desk, making even the jewelry join in the symphony of alerts. Only one person could break my space and I welcomed the distraction from my heavy thoughts.

“Les. Lie. I am leaving my house as we speak. I’m literally slipping on my sneakers, and my uber will meet me at the damn thai place!”

Silence caused me to look at the screen of my phone again for verification. Sure enough, her name illuminated the screen and I placed it back to my ear.

“Helllooooooooo…”

Faintly in the background, I heard her voice. A sigh in my ear covered my ability to hear her words.

“Lesi…”

“No.”

I swallowed hard. It was amazing how the french accent was able to force itself through a two letter word… well.. Three letter word in french that sounded similar to its two letter english counterpart. Nonetheless it immediately allow me to know who was on the other end of this call.

“Lau.”

“Long time not talking, Aaliyah” the smile in his voice caught me by surprise and I was honestly rendered speechless.

“I guess you want it for be longer that we not talk, hm?” His voice laughed, shocking me into a silent stupor even more than before. He wasn’t mad at me.

“Lau… Lau I’m so sorry” My words caught in my throat as I swallowed back. Emotions that I had buried threatened to rush forward but I was determined to control them. I just… wasn’t planning on this at all. Fuck.

“I know, mon petit arachide. Je sais. It’s okay. I forgive. Now come on, Liyah. I’m hungry as fuck.”

——

Larry

A flash of light woke me out of the lightest slumber that I accidentally drifted into. I spoke outloud about needing to leave, but a thick yawn masked my words and made them completely inaudible.

“What’d you say?”

“I gotta go.” I said, groaning as I rose to my feet. The flight earlier today had my body feeling tight from being in a cramped space. That was a sacrifice we had to take, the red eye’s business class had us on a fairly small plane from Houston, but both Lau and I wanted an extra day in New York. As a result, I’d come to Karina’s place after dropping off my bags at the hotel and what should have been a quick lunch date turned into catching up on lost physical contact and us abandoning our reservations in place of running to the mexican restaurant a few blocks away.

Now that we’d gotten back I felt the early musings of a food coma coming on, and I needed to get back home so that we could rest up for the club tonight with the boys. Roy had a big event at Starlets of all places, so we’d be in the building for some surely ridiculous night.

Of course, the Keller party was one of the big reasons we decided to come into town, as well. But that needed its own form of preparation.

“Baaaaabe.” Karina said, putting her phone down on the desk. From the way she was positioned near the window, I assumed she had been taking pictures of herself, hence the flash waking me up. She likely had caught me in the background and would probably post it, cropping my face out even though the backward pants, tattoo’s on my arms, and jewelry would give it away.

This was her M.O. Karina loved the dramatic attention, and while I’d asked her to die down on the posts about me specifically, she made it a point to not engage with the fans and their persistent questions, so I couldn’t complain much. People would speculate regardless, so I just let it go. I didn’t care enough to be honest. I would never, but all attention is good for her.

“I just got you here, and now I have to say goodbye already?” She whined, reaching around me from behind to caress my stomach through my shirt. I had to admit, I loved how she made me feel as if she wanted me around. It was cute. She could be a bit excessive, but the distance really made it easy for me to have something to come back to when I’m in New York.

“Maybe I can come back tomorrow after the party if it’s not too late.” I smirked. It was never too late.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come?” she replied, rounding me until we were face to face. She was pretty short in front of me, and stood on her tip-toes to get up a bit taller.

“I wish you could baby, I do.” I placed my lips on her forehead as I walked over to the table to gather my shit. “But no plus ones. They strict about this event. Its intimate.”

“Intimate?” She said, scrunching her face.

“I probably use the word wrong, but it’s not going to be a lot of people there.”

“I don’t even get why you have to go.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her body against mine. “You barely even deal with the firm since you’ve been with Beyonce. It’s not like they put you with her either, she found you guys on her own. You should just leave them, you and Lau can work without them.”

“Keller bust their ass for us career, Karina.” I unwrapped her from around me and questioned why she was so uptight. Sure, I was lying to her about the plus one thing, but she didn’t know that. “Me and Lau get Beyonce alone, but we get so many good shit working with them. They have us back and they keep us on our shit.”

“Yeah sure.” She said, with a dramatic eye roll.

“Where this coming from?” I was genuinely curious. She rarely questioned my whereabouts, and I liked that about her too. She gave me space, didn’t hold me to much. Earlier over lunch, she mentioned she wanted to go to the movies and I told her that I couldn’t do the late night time she’d requested. She complained about how the club would be the same whether or not I was there, but when I told her it was a work event, her mood changed.

We never had conversations about attending events together when we were in the same city. Either I invited her or I didn’t. There was never an issue. She almost always invited me, and I didn’t necessarily attend every time but it was okay. She never pushed either way. Her instantly placing herself by my side tomorrow evening made it a little tense, especially when I lied to her by telling her that she couldn’t come with me because the opening party would be a small one. What I hoped would be a situation that could be brushed off clearly wasn’t as she stood in front of me trying to convince me to leave the firm out of nowhere.

“I was just saying. I think you guys could be great on your own. Cut out the middle man.” She shrugged, switching her hips over to the desk to grab my spare charger.

“You was just saying you wanted to try and connect with Keller yourself, what you mean?” And she had. I had to shut that down too. She mentioned it offhand one day when she heard that one of her friends was looking for new management. The details on the opening of the New York office was sent to us in a memo, and I happened to be looking at the email in her presence.

“They don’t really work with dancers a lot, baby. They do more commercial work, higher scale clients who need representation on many fronts. Its different, I don’t know how to explain it.” I nonchalantly replied to her mentioning an attempt to get a meeting.

“Well why can’t you call one of your people to get me in a meeting?”

“That would look bad.” I deadpanned. “I can’t connect you because of us, that look like I’m trying to attach you to me. That’s unprofessional. You just want to ride on my career…”

“Excuse me?” She bit back.

“Let me finish. It look like you want to ride on Les Twins but we not like, serious enough for a relationship marketing moment. It look silly for me to bring you in.”

I spun the lie as quickly as I could that day, and I wasn’t sure what sense it made, but she dropped it with the presence of gifts and me spending the rest of the day with her… and sex. Lots of sex.

When she let that conversation go, I thought we were in the clear. But today, as she stood in front of me, her wheels were turning and the questions and statements she made seemed pointed.

“Yeah but I’m not as established in the dance world yet. I want to open more doors, I need someone who can cater to that. You have the world at your feet. You and Laurent are at your prime…”

“And we wanna keep up the good shit.”

My shoes were on and I backed her into the wall near the door. “I gotta go, okay? Lau probably bored without me.” I said lowly, kissing her with a smile on my face as I felt her trying to deepen it. I indulged briefly, hoping it would placate her.

“You suuuuure you don’t want me to come.”

“I wish. I see you tomorrow after though, I call you.”

“We could… have a quickie right now…” She smirked, pulling me closer. I didn’t fight her.

“Lau gonna kill me if I do.” She rolled her eyes. She never cared for Laurent. They avoided each other for my sake, since I had her around any time she was available. She wasn’t my only, but she was more present than any of the others. He didn’t fuck with her at all and had no problem showing that.

“I don’t give a fu-”

“Shhhhh, Karina I see you later.” I said with a laugh, kissing her once more before I hopped down the side stairs of her apartment. My Uber was waiting when I got downstairs and I hopped in quickly, heading toward the hotel Lau and I were staying in in Midtown.

Truly, I didn’t know where he was, nor did I know if he would be there when I got in. I used him as an excuse more often than not and usually that didn’t give me much of a fight with Karina. I really just wanted to get a nap in before it was time to go out tonight.

Sleep would probably evade me, but it was worth a shot.

I was nervous as fuck about tomorrow. I hadn’t been face to face with Aaliyah in months and my nerves rose more and more every time I thought about seeing her.

That was why I couldn’t bring Karina. They didn’t give a fuck about plus ones. They couldn’t care less who we brought.

As pissed off as I was at Aaliyah, as nonexistent as our communication had been with one another, and as much as I wanted to spite her, that level of disrespect was impossible in my eyes. I couldn’t do it to her. Karina was such a sore spot, and I knew it probably annoyed her endlessly that she was even still in the picture.

Bringing her to an event, flaunting her around in Aaliyah’s face? Fucked.

Aside from Karina not actually needing representation from a management team on the same level as we had with Keller, what would I look like trying to present my fling to her company as someone they should consider representing. She was nowhere near talented enough, and her physical beauty may have booked her some gigs, but it wasn’t enough. I’d look way more petty than I felt like Aaliyah had been toward me, and Linda would laugh me out of the office once she saw Karina’s skills, or lack thereof.

Aaliyah.

I’d been all consumed with thoughts of Aaliyah nonstop the past few days, and even moreso once we landed in New York. Things were beyond tense, and I needed to have a clear head to be in her face for the first time.

Work made it easy to stop dwelling, but I couldn’t help but know I missed her so much and feel the issues between us every time she crossed my mind.

If I knew her the way I knew her, she wouldn’t want to deal with me off top. We’d exchanged a couple of biting words back and forth last time we spoke, and I didn’t like the way she handled the change with her move. I had been wracking my brain trying to figure out an approach, but my negative thoughts of her clouded the positive ones in a dark fog that left me twisted and confused on how to deal.

Instead of pushing things, she forced me out, never answering another text, and she stopped trying to contact me on a personal level. I didn’t really understand why. We were arguing, sure. But arguments couldn’t mean this much. I just needed to see her. I needed to make sense of things.

Everything was confusing.

Being lost in my thoughts made me lose track of time and location, and before I knew it, we were in front of The London NYC. I muttered a quiet thank you to the driver, and stepped out, toting my backpack and plastic bag of leftovers in my arms.

Laurent and I had been so busy on this tour with Beyonce and our own club tour at night. My body was in overdrive and yet I didn’t want to leave it alone. I just powered on fumes, as did he. Luckily, we would be spending one more day here after the party tomorrow and I planned on turning off all my devices and just relaxing alone, or maybe with my twin.

This was a nice hotel that the firm had booked for us. Aaliyah’s emails had been few and far between these days, so even that had my mind going.

Was she as anxious about seeing me as I was her?

Was she confused at how to proceed?

“Lau?” I called out into the quiet space.

“Yeah.” He called back, leading me to his room in the suite. The room was light but his headphones were around his neck. “You gotta hear this beat, man. Its sick.”

“I brought you some leftovers from Cantina.”

“I’m full, I had Thai from that one place you like I think.”

“Oh shit bro, why you not tell me?! You go all the way there?”

“Nah.” He said, closing his computer and putting his headphones on the desk. With a stretch he rose to his feet, grabbing the bag from my hands and stepping out into the hallway toward the kitchen area. “I went to see Leslie.”

“What?” I heard him perfectly. I was just shocked that he never told me that was in his plans today. We didn’t tell each other ever single move and step, but when I told him I was going to see Karina, he shrugged and twisted his face in annoyance, before rolling over to answer his phone. I hadn’t even thought to ask him what he was doing, but had I known he was going to see Leslie today, I would have come too.

“Why you didn’t tell me you was doing that today?”

“What you mean?” he replied, putting the leftover in the fridge next to a paper bag and grabbing out his bottle of sprite.

“You could have told me this morning you were gonna go there. I want to see her too.”

“You act like it’s a surprise the first person I wanna see when I’m in New York is Leslie. I not see her in months.” Laurent was annoyed at me. I could tell. “You tell me you have plans, why I break your plans?”

“Yeah but they not serious, its just Karina. I could see her whenever.” I pushed back, confused at why this was even happening right now. Laurent knew Karina wasn’t that important to me at the end of the day. She was fun, she was easy. She kept my mind off of my feelings.

“You make her you priority in New York, it is what it is.” Laurent shrugged me off again, his attitude apparent.

“What you trying to say?”

“I’m not trying to say shit. I say what I say for you. You have plans, you make them and you do what you want. You know I wanna see Leslie, I talk for her all the time. So, it should have not even be something you have to think about for me to do.” he gulped his drink down, reading his phone and pausing for a quick response. “You not ready to see her maybe, or whatever your reason, I don’t know. But I know what I gotta do.”

“Man, next time you see her, you tell me.”

“She your friend too, you not have to wait for me to see her.”

Laurent was right. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of acknowledging that. “How she doing.”

“Better, man. She moving more comfortably now that her casts gone on her body, her legs still weak and still all wrapped up, but they gonna cut those off with a big ass chainsaw or something in a few months.”

“A chainsaw?”

“I don’t know what it is man, Aaliyah tell me it’s a big saw because the shit is thick an-”

I tuned out the rest of his long explanation once he mentioned her. I didn’t know that she was there too. I wondered if he kept his plans from me because she told him to. From what I knew, they hadn’t been speaking either and Laurent was upset that Aaliyah let our relationship get in the middle of theirs.

“Aaliyah was there?” I said as nonchalantly as I could. This earned a snicker from Laurent, who could read me like a book he knew by heart.

“Yep.” Now he was fucking with me. His short answer and lack of details gave me nothing on purpose, and he would force out as little as he could in order to get me to ask more. I was pissed. For some reason it seemed like they’d coordinate Laurent’s visit without him mentioning it to me on her behalf.

I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of my anger. But this shit was annoying.

“Cool.”

Lau’s sparse eyebrows raised as he shrugged off my mood. I gave him my back, feeling the initial exhaustion from earlier fuck with my head. “Set you alarm man, we gotta be out of here at 11.”

I did as Laurent reminded me, and instead of sleeping instantly, my mind worked itself into overdrive trying to put together pieces of Lau and Aaliyah being together today with Leslie, and without me.

Tomorrow, I would get the answers I needed, and finally address the source of my stress.

#lt fanfics #les twins fanfic #les twins fanfiction #Jay #submission

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courtneytincher · 5 years

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What if he dies? &c.

For years now, some of us have said, “It’s amazing he’s still alive.” We’re talking about Alexei Navalny, the leader of the Russian opposition. (The previous such leader, Boris Nemtsov, was murdered within sight of the Kremlin in 2015.) Over and over, Navalny has been attacked -- physically, that is. In the past few days, it is possible he has been the victim of a poison attack.They’re not shy about poisoning, Putin’s guys. (For a story about Navalny, go here.)A question: What if Navalny dies? What will the reaction of the rest of the world be, and of the United States in particular? (Years ago, we enjoyed the designation “Leader of the Free World.”) Will there be a shrug, as in the murder of Jamal Khashoggi? A statement of regret from the State Department? Something a bit sterner, possibly?Will a mouthy, conscientious member of Congress say something?These are things to be thought of, even now.Last year, President Trump was asked who ought to be held accountable for the Khashoggi murder. “Maybe the world should be held accountable,” he answered, “because the world is a vicious place.”Next time, we will do better, I hope.• Here is a report from last week:> A prominent LGBT rights campaigner has been found dead with multiple stab wounds and signs of strangulation in the Russian city of St Petersburg.> > The body of a 41-year-old woman was found in bushes near her home in the city on Sunday, local police said.> > Relatives and friends later named the victim as Yelena Grigoryeva . . .> > Ms Grigoryeva, who had reportedly received death threats, regularly campaigned for human rights in Russia.They are possibly the most careless people in the world, these Russian activists. They keep losing their lives.• In this new era of strongmen, who will defend democracy? Who will stick up for it, even fight for it? Look to the streets of Hong Kong and Moscow, where democracy protesters are being beaten by thugs. I admire them no end -- the protesters, that is, not the thugs. Would I be among those protesters? Would you?For myself, I can’t answer with confidence.I wish someone in the United States would utter a peep for them -- not scribblers and yakkers like me, but an official. If it can’t be the president, how about a congressman, how about anybody? Someone willing to express the solidarity, or at least the best wishes, of the American people?He likes to keep a low profile, following the example of his ex-president father, but I nominate George W. Bush.• According to reports, the Iranian economy is in free fall. Hurray, I guess. But I must tell you something: One reason I prize Magnitsky sanctions is that they target individuals -- wrongdoers, human-rights violators, villains -- not populations at large.Will our sanctions on Iran backfire? Will they cause a pro-American population to turn against us and rally to their oppressive regime? I don’t know.But these are questions that policymakers always have to weigh (and I’m sure ours have).• The temperature is awfully high in America now -- I’m not talking about the weather, although the heat, in some places, has been rough. I’m talking about politics, and race in particular.This is only 2019. How about 2020, when the presidential election is in full swing? How much higher can the temperature go? Will America be able to take it, without combusting?For years, through the Reagan administration, Michael Kinsley predicted “a long hot summer” -- because people would rebel against the depredations of the Reaganites, essentially. The long hot summer never came. Kinsley, to his credit, joked about it.Anyway, I hope the summer of 2020 is on the cool side, but I’m not predicting it (especially having no training in meteorology).• For reasons I could explain, I went back to a book review I wrote in 2017. I covered two books, actually: a collection by Gertrude Himmelfarb and a collection of Kenneth Minogue. In this review, I quoted Roger Scruton, and I think I will do a little pasting -- copying and pasting.Here goes:> Scruton, after Minogue’s passing, wrote an appreciation, saying, “In many ways he was a model of the conservative activist. He was not in the business of destroying things or angering people. He was in the business of defending old-fashioned civility against ideological rage, and he believed this was the real meaning of the freedom that the English-speaking peoples have created and enjoyed.” Scruton also said, “For Ken Minogue, decency was not just a way of doing things, but also the point of doing them.”> > That is an unusual, striking sentence, worth pondering.Yes. I am thinking of David French, my friend and colleague, who has been attacked as -- well, too decent to be a real conservative, and to get things done. David was moved to write a piece called “Decency Is No Barrier to Justice or the Common Good” (here).David is a warrior -- in the courtroom, on the battlefield (the literal one), in journalism, and in still other arenas. But he’s not a jackass, which a lot of people resent.(I understand them, so help me. I touched on this in an article earlier this year, here.)• Look, far be it from me to comment on wine -- I have no standing. (Whines, yes; wines, no.) But President Trump tweeted, “I’ve always said American wine is better than French wine!”My feeling is: Maybe we give them this one. Wine. If we Yanks need to boast -- “where there’s never a boast or brag” -- there are other things . . .• Speaking of tweets, I loved one from Tiana Lowe of the Washington Examiner, formerly of National Review. She was reacting to a story headlined “Is it weird for adults to visit Disney parks without kids? Twitter fiercely debates.” She wrote, “I just cannot imagine having the energy to care if other people minding their own business went to an amusement park.”This reminded me of something George Bush said, a long time ago. (I mean Bush the Elder.) It went something like this: “One reason I’m a conservative is that I don’t toss and turn nights, worried that someone, somewhere, is having a good time.”(I realize that today’s Right does not consider Bush to have been a conservative. During his career, however, he was a right-wing monster, at least in the eyes of the Left.)• Care for a little language? Here’s a golf article from Reuters. The headline: “Koepka dominates one-sided bout with McIlroy in Memphis.” If you have “dominates,” you don’t need “one-sided.” That’s redundant.But I loved a phrase within the article -- one that is new to me: “. . . McIlroy missed a short birdie putt at the third hole from inside four feet and never recovered, his body language the only evidence needed that he was not quite on-song.”On-song. Must be a Britishism. A good one.• Here’s an old-fashioned word: moxie. More and more, I admire this, as one of the best qualities. It came to mind when I was reading this piece by Will E. Young, who was a student journalist at Liberty University. What moxie this kid had, and has. It’ll stand him in good stead as he journeys onward.• Some names? I have a new young colleague named Chris Tremoglie -- Three Wives. I said, “Ah, a bigamist!” This week, I got a letter from a man named Cinquemani. I said, “Thank you, my five-handed friend!” (He replied, “That would have made Grandpa smile.”)As regular readers know, I’m fond of names, and always interested in them, and I bet these two names have very good stories behind them, unknown to us moderns.• Every day, I hear talk of “privilege.” And, almost always, people mean the material. If I were the exhorting type, I would exhort all parents: Make your children “privileged” -- with good books, good music, good games, good humor, sound morals, and, above all, real love.• I saw a photo the other day and thought -- and said -- “Magazine-worthy.” It was snapped by our Molly Powell -- National Review’s Molly Powell -- who lives in New Hampshire. With her permission, I share it with you.A bit of New Hampshire on a late afternoon, with bee balm and daylilies gracing the stage:

from Yahoo News - Latest News & Headlines

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prasanththampi · 5 years

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BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION ISMS ONGOING EXAM ANSWER SHEETS PROVIDED WHATSAPP 91 9924764558

CONTACT:

DR. PRASANTH BE BBA MBA PH.D. MOBILE / WHATSAPP: +91 9924764558 OR +91 9447965521 EMAIL: [email protected] WEBSITE: www.casestudyandprojectreports.com

Business Administration

Note :-

(i) Attempt any four Cases (ii) All Cases carry equal marks.

Case 1 :-

“ Left or Right?”

Rajinder Kumar was a production worker at Competent Motors Limited (CML), which made components and accessories for the automotive industry. He had worked at CML for almost seven years as a welder, along with fifteen other men in the plant. All had received training in welding, both on the job and through company-sponsored external programmes. They had friendly relations and got along very well with one another. They played volleyball in the playground regularly before retiring to the quarters allotted by the company. They ate together in the company canteen, cutting jokes on each other and making fun of anyone who dared to peep into their privacy during lunch hour. Most of the fellows had been there for quite some time, except for two men who had joined the ranks only two months back.

Rajinder was generally considered to be the leader of the group, so it was no surprise that when the foreman of the department was transferred and his vacancy was announced, Rajinder applied for the job and got it.

There were only four other applicants for the job, two from mechanical section and two from outside. When there was a formal announcement of the appointment on a Friday afternoon, everyone in the group congratulated Rajinder. They literally carried him snacks and celebrated the event enthusiastically.

On Monday morning, Rajinder joined duty as Foreman. It was company practice for all foremen to wear blue jacket and a white shirt. Each man’s coat had his name badge sewn onto the left side pocket. The company had given two pairs to Raijnder. He was proud to wear the coat to work on Monday.

People who saw him from a distance went upto him and admired the new blue coat. There was a lot of kidding around calling Rajinder as ‘Hero’, ‘Raja Babu’ and ‘Officer’ etc. One of the guys went back to his locker and returned with a long brush and acted as though he were removing dust particles on the new coat. After about five minutes of horseplay, all of the men went back to work.

Rajinder went back to his office to get more familiar with his new job and environment there.

At noon, all the men broke for lunch and went to the canteen to eat and enjoy fun as usual. Rajinder was busy when they left but followed after them a few minutes, later. He bought the food coupon, took the snacks and tea and turned to face the open canteen. Back in the left side corner of the room was his old work group; on the right hand side of the canteen sat all the other foremen in the plant all observed in their blue coats.

At that point of time, silence descended on the canteen. Suddenly both groups looked at Rajinder anxiously, waiting to see which group he would eat with.

QUESTIONS:

Whom do you think Rajinder will eat with? Why?

If you were one of the other foremen, what could you do to make Rajinder’s transition easier?

What would you have done if you were in Rajinder’s shoes? Why?

Case 2 :-

“Naughty Rule”

Dr. Reddy Instruments is a medium-sized the Industrial Estate on the outskirts of Hyderabad. The company is basically involved with manufacturing surgical instruments and supplies for medical professionals and hospitals.

About a year ago, Madhuri, aged 23, niece of the firm’s founder, Dr. Raja Reddy, was hired to replace Ranga Rao quality control inspector, who had reached the age of retirement. Madhuri had recently graduated from the Delhi College of Engineering where she had majored in Industrial Engineering.

Balraj Gupta, aged 52, is the production manager of the prosthesis dept., where artificial devices designed to replace missing parts of the human body are manufactured. Gupta has worked for Dr. Reddy Instruments for 20 years, having previously been a production line supervisor and, prior to that, a worker on the production line. Gupta, being the eldest in his family, has taken up the job quite early in life and completed his education mostly through correspondence courses.

From their first meeting, it looked as though Gupta and Madhuri could not get along together. There seemed to be an underlying animosity between them, but it was never too clear what the problem was.

Venkat Kumar, age 44, is the plant manager of Dr. Reddy instruments. He has occasionally observed disagreements between Madhuri and Gupta on the production line, Absenteeism has risen in Gupta’s department since Madhuri was hired as quality control inspector. Venkat secretly decided to issue a circular calling for a meeting of all supervisory personnel in the production and twelve quality control departments. The circular was worked thus:

Attention: All Supervisors Production Quality Control Departments

A meeting is schedule on Monday, Feb 20, at 10 a.m. in room 18. The purpose is to sort out misunderstanding and differences that seem to exist between production and QC personnel.

Sd. Venkat Kumar

Plant Manager

Venkat starred the meeting by explaining why he had called it and then asked Gupta for his opinion of the problem. The conversation took the following shape:

Gupta: That Delhi girl you recruited is a ‘fault finding machine’ in our dept. Until she was hired, we hardly even stopped production. And when we did, it was only because of a mechanical defect. But Madhuri has been stopping everything even if ‘one’ defective part comes down the line.

Madhuri: That’s not true. You have fabricated the story well.

Gupta: Venkat, our quality has not undergone any change in recent times. It’s still the same, consistently good quality it was before she came but all she wants to do is to trouble us.

Madhuri: May I clarify my position at this stage? Mr. Gupta, you have never relished my presence in the company. I still remember some of the derisive remarks you used to make behind my back. I did take note of them quite clearly!

Suresh (another quality control supervisor): I agree with Madhuri Venkat. I think that everyone knows that the rules permit quality control to stop production if rejections exceed three an hour. This is all Madhuri has been doing.

Gupta: Now listen to me. Madhuri starts counting the hour from the moment she gets the first reject. Ranga Rao never really worried about absolute reject rule when he was here. She wants to paint my department in black. Is not that true Riaz Ahmed?

Ahmed (another production supervisor): It sure is Gupta. Every time Maduri stops production, she is virtually putting the company on fire. The production losses would affect our bonuses as well. How long can we allow this ‘nuisance’ to continue?

Thirty minutes later Madhuri and Gupta were still lashing out at each other. Venkat decided that ending the meeting might be appropriate under the circumstances. He promised to clarify the issue, after discussion with management, sometime next weel.

QUESTIONS:

Should Venkat have called a meeting to sort out this problem? Why or Why not?

What do you say about the rule calling for production to halt if there are more than three rejects in an hour? Should it have been enforced? Explain.

What do you feel is the major problem in this case? The solution?

Case 3 :-

ABC LIMITED

M/s. ABC Ltd. is a medium – sized engineering company production a large-range of product lines according to customer requirements. It has earned a good reputation as a quick and reliable supplier to its customers because off which its volume of business kept on increasing. However, over the past one year, the managing director of the company has been receiving customer complaints due to delays in dispatch of products and at times, the company has to pay substantial penalty for not meeting the schedule in time.

The managing director convened an urgent meeting of various functional managers to discuss the issue. The Marketing Manager questioned the arbitrary manner of giving priority to products in manufacturing line, causing delays in products that are in great demand and over-stocking of products which are not required immediately. Production control manager complained that he does not have adequate staff to plan and control the production function; and whatever little planning he does, is generally overlooked by shop floor manager. Shop floor manager complained of unrealistic planning, excessive machine breakdowns, power failure, shortage of materials for schedule. Maintenance manager, say that he does not get important spares required for equipment maintenance because of which he cannot repair machines at a faster rate. Inventory control manager says that on the one hand the company often access him of carrying too much stock and on the other hand people are grumbling over shortages.

Fed up by mutual mud-slinging, the managing director decided to appoint you, a bright management consultant with training in business management to suggest way and means to put his “house in order”.

QUESTIONS:

How would you examine if there is any merit in the remarks of various functional managers?

What, in your opinion, could be the reasons for different managerial thoughts in this case?

How would you design a system of getting correct information about job status to identify delays quickly?

List some scientific decision aids that you may prescribe to improve the situation.

Case 4 :-

In Search of Greener Pastures

Rohit joined ABC Ltd., a heavy engineering unit, having a turnover of about Rs. 20 crores, in the junior management cadre as a direct recruit. During his tenure with the company, Rohit proved to be a dedicated and sincere worker which earned him quick promotions in the organization. He had made a mark in whichever department he had worked and his departmental heads were happy with his work. After serving the company for a period of ten years, Rohit felt that there was no scope for further improvement in his position and started applying for better jobs commensurate with his experience. He finally succeeded in getting a job but his new employer wanted him to join within one month. To this, Rohit pleaded inability, as he was required to give three month’s notice to his present employer, as per company rules. However, he said he would discuss the matter with the personnel manager and try to reduce the period to one month by paying two month’s salary in lieu of the required notice. Rohit accordingly, submitted his resignation to the present employer and requested the departmental head to recommend his case to the personnel manager for relieving him after one month. The departmental head, said that he would discuss the matter with the personnel manager and try his best to help him. However, the latter turned down Rohit’s request stating that the rules require him to give three month’s notice and that the alternative suggested by Rohit was not acceptable.

When Rohit learnt about the personnel manager’s response, he approached his prospective employer to explain his difficulty, which was beyond his control, and requested them to extend his joining period to three months. This was acceptable by them, as a special case.

The departmental head took up Rohit’s case with the management and suggested that in future, the officers who resigned may be permitted to give one month’s notice and two month’s salary in lieu of a further two month’s notice, if required, so as to ensure against any unnecessary delay in the work of the department. But, the management refused to accept this proposal, stating clearly that the company’s policy cannot be changed.

QUESTIONS:

Did the management take a correct decision in Rohit’s case under the circumstances?

What steps should the departmental head take to do not adopt an indifferent attitude towards their work during the three month’s notice period?

If you were in the position of the management, how would you have handled the situation?

Case 5 :-

Ramesh Publishing Company

Mr. Ramesh was the founder of a publishing company specializing in accounting books. Within a short span of time, the company prospered and grew very fast. Its sales rose from Rs 60,000 the first year to Rs 6lakhs three years later. The editing, production and sales staff grew almost as fast.

But the company was having problems, and of late uncertainly and confused grew in the company. New people were making decisions to the best of their ability but many of them did not fit together. One of Mr. Ramesh’s key associates suggested that the company ought to have better planning and certainly needed clear policies to guide decisions making, but Mr. Ramesh was unimpressed. His response was that if he took time off to plan and develop policies today, he might not have a company tomorrow, and that he had no choice but to spend his time meeting today’s problems as they came up.

QUESTIONS:

If you were one of the newer managers in the company and had taken a course in the basics of management, what would you say to Mr. Ramesh?

Outline exactly how would you show him that planning and policy making are important to the company if it has to grow effectively.

Case 6 :-

THE Marquee Garment Retailer

I knew we were right, Neil Simon thought himself as the steward brought him a glass of Cardhu single malt. The Whisky felt good after week when he was allowed to drink nothing but champagne by his hosts in India. Ah, but then they had reason to celebrate. Simon signaled to the steward that he’d like a refill - he planned to take his time over the second one – and thought about the week that had been.

Simon, the director-in-charge of international franchise operations at Smith & Robin, a $8-billion marquee garment retailer, had arrived in India exactly seven days back, with mixed feelings. He’d been at S&R Less the eight months-he had been hired when the company decided to abandon its twenty-year old strategy of expanding geographically through owned outlets as against franchised ones-but he knew the India trip was one of those things that could make or break his career.

This wasn’t his first visit to India. He’d visited it as a backpacker in his second year at collage, then as a middle-level executive of a cola company, and then again, soon after he joined S&R. It was during the last visit that he noticed the kind of brand equity the company enjoyed in India. S&R was a know name and there was huge demand for its offerings. The grey market did a thriving business in both real S&R products, smuggled into the country, and ersatz ones. So, he had gone back and made case for India.

“Let us go in now and seed the market and leverage our equity there “He’d told the board. Convincing the board hadn’t made his job any easier. Then, there were tales of poor infrastructure, horror stories about how foreign investors were treated, and wholly inappropriate real estate options. Worse, some members of the board weren’t fully convinced about the ‘franchise strategy’, S&R had moved to. “I see that we are shutting three of our profitable shops in London, “one of the board members Barbara Rutherford had shifted. Fortunately for Simon, the chairperson lucy Walters had to come to his rescue. “we decide that franchising was the best way to grow last year Barbara; this meeting isn’t about that.

Finally, a compromise had been reached. S&R would enter the country through one or two pilot outlets’. To Simon went the task of finding a suitable franchise. That had been easy. The Kathuria family that ran S&R Malaysia franchise had business interests in India, and it hadn’t taken Simon much to convince them to take on the India franchise.

The two Kathuria-owned franchise store had opened in upmarket malls, Delhi and Mumbai, the previous week and Simon had winged it down to be there at the opening. The Mumbai outlet 7,000 square feet large; the Delhi one, 3,000 square feet. And both sold a range of garments for men and women, lingeries, and toiletries-all imported , and all under the S&R brand name, in keeping with the company’s policy of only selling the best quality products sourced at the least possible cost at all its outlets.

The tariff regime in India made some prices look Ludicrous-a women’s shirt cost over Rs2, 500; men’s jeans, Rs3,200-and made S&R, which was perceived to be a high-end value-for-money brand into a premium one with aspirational trimmings. Indeed, the only other stores that stocked merchandise of compatable prices were boutiques devoted to designer wear.

S&R’S Long–term Prospects

Best-case Scenario Worst-case Scenario

· Indian customers continue treating S&R as

an aspirational brand.

· The company is able to sustain its premium pricing in India.

· S&R repeats the Delhi-and Mumbai-model in other metros.

· The scalability across centers makes S&R’s local franchise profitable.

· The novelty factors surrounding S&R’s launch wears off.

· Customers start asking questions about the super-premium positioning.

· Sales plateau in the Delhi and Mumbai stores.

· The franchise shows no interest in expanding a loss-making operation.

The India –strategy’s detractors at HQ had raised objections over the size of the Delhi outlet (“S&R isn’t associated with cramped buying spaces”) and the price-tags (“Indians aren’t dumb, you know). But Simon managed to steer clear of the flak. The fact that leading consulting firms estimated India’s organized retail business to zoom from Rs 5,500 crore in 2000, to Rs 35,000 crore in 2005, helped his cause.

Then, he had landed in India; the Kathurias had welcomed him like he was royality; he had been allowed to drink nothing but champagne (“Here’s to the stop reopening”; “ Here’s to our first sale”, “Here’s to our first individual sale over Rs 100,000”….); and things had gone like a dream.

The launches had coincided with India’s equivalent of the Christmas season-the festival of lights, they called it, Diwali. The two stores’ initial stock had been sold out in three days flat. And the fact that some of the products still carried their dollar prices-an oversight by the stores and a full 40 per cent lower than their prices in Indian rupees, thanks to the duties- hadn’t deterred shoppers. True, there appeared to be more demand for lingerie and cosmetics, but the other products had takers too.

Simon was surprised by the reaction. He knew that he would have to wait a few months to understand the real demand for S&R products in India. Only once the initial novelty had worn off, would the company have better idea of what Indian customers bought, and what they did not. He was also aware that while the mere fact S&R products were available in the country could have encouraged customers to overlook the 40 percent mark-up (thanks to import duties), they’d soon move to the ‘value’ buying behaviour Indians were famous for.

Simon had raised these issues at his last meeting with the Kathurias, but they were still celebrating the phenomenal success of their opening gambit and their only response had been to ply Simon with, what else, more champagne. Still, he had to admit, it had been a good beginning.

Simon signaled the steward for another refill. What the heck.. he’d earned it.

QUESTION:

Has Smith & Robin (S&R) chosen the right entry strategy for the Indian market?

“S&R has taken a risk in entering a market that is large, but offers little flexibility in terms of price and business environment” Discuss.

What kind of advance planning and strategic thinking should go into S&R’s corporate planning efforts so that the Indian consumer gets ‘value for money’?

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