#I miss drawing Eric and Donna so much

[joesleftskeleton]

Who wants to listen to my butch Eric headcanon

[avarogers021]

Updated List 2021 For Netflix Cancelled & Renewed Shows

Platforms like Netflix and Amazon Prime are watched by a number of people all over the world. Both of these platforms telecast movies, shows, and series which are related to different genres. From thriller to action, anime, mystery, documentaries, history, and more, everything can be seen on these platforms.

Before getting started let us first talk about the shows/series you like to watch? Friends, Riverdale, Game Of Thrones? Well, all of them has a huge fan following. I personally can never get enough of watching Riverdale and Friends. Whether I am back home after work or I wanted to spend some time, Netflix has always been a savior. However, lately I got a news and it just felt like the end of the world.

Were you aware of the fact that some of the Netflix shows have been going off air and cancelled real soon? Yes, you are reading this right. The reasons behind the cancellation of various reasons bring together a plethora of reasons. Of course some shows like Dear White People and Dead To Me have a huge fan following and will be missed for sure. However, since we know that sooner or later good things do make their way, all these shows also came to an end soon.

Have you been wondering which shows got canceled? This is the piece which is apt for you. You will be able to find out all of them here itself. Hence, let’s get started without any further ado.

Netflix shows that have been renewed and cancelled in the year 2021Below mentioned is a list of the top twenty shows that have been canceled this year. Check them out to find the reasons behind the big decision. In addition to this, you will also find out if they are coming back anytime soon.

Ozark: This one has been renewed for season four. The famous television series is coming to an end in 2021. You could find this series on Netflix. Even after gaining so much of popularity, the show is gong off air this year. The show did receive a number of nominations of awards and has also won numerou titles. Some of them are the Guild award, and Emmy award. To people who have watched this series, the fourth season has divided into two different categories. Each category consists of seven episodes. However, at present the director wanted to take a break and made sure that the series is remembered by the fans.

Cast of Ozark

Jason Bateman

Alik Bateman

Andrew Bernstein

Ellen Kuras

Daniel Sackheim

Amanda Marsalis

Benjamin Semanoff

Phil Abraham

Cherien Dabis

Dead To Me: This one has been renewed for season three. The series is known to end in the year 2021. However, the series finale is a big hit and funny. But, this one did not gain too much attention. Time changes, and so does the audience. This is why it is now time to bid adieu to this series, Jenny and Judy. Even though the series was loved by some of them till date, it is finally coming to an end yet not off air.

Cast of Dead To Me

Kat Coiro

Geeta V. Patel

Minkie Spiro

Abe Sylvia

Amy York Rubin

Tamra Davis

Jennifer Getzinger

Liza Johnson

Silver Tree

Elizabeth Allen

Lucifer: The series is renewed for season six. Another fantastic which is coming to an end is Lucifer. The series premiered on 25 January 2016. With time the first season received mixed reviews from critics. A number of them praised certain characters and Elli’s performance was no exception. With time more and more seasons were released. However, they did not gain much popularity. Platforms like Netflix also cancelled the pick up of the third season.

Cast Of Lucifer

Tom Ellis as Lucifer Morningstar

Lauren German

Kevin Alejandro

D B. Woodside as Amenadiel

Lesley as Ann Branch

Scarlett Estevez as Beatrice

Rachael Harris

Kevin Rankin

Tricia Helfer as Mum

Tom Welling as Lieutenant Marcus Pierce

Inbar Lavi as Eve

You: This one got renewed for season three. There are only very few Netflix series that have grabbed the attention of people. However unfortunately, this famous thriller series has come to an end now. However, a statement was made by the director where he said that the series will be ending with a season three. The series is based on a novel which was written by Caroline Kepnes. The main role was played by Penn Badgley who was a bookseller. During the second season, the seller was a movie from New York to LA. Even though this is an irresistible show, the fans may not get to watch it anymore.

Cast of You

Penn Badgley

Victoria Pedretti

Ambyr Childers

Elizabeth Lail

Luca Padovan

Jenna Ortega

Zach Cherry

James Scully

Carmeta Zumbado

Nicole Kang

Shalita Grant

Scott Speedman

Travis Van Winkle

Atypical: This show has been renewed for season four. With the season finale, this show is going off air in 2021. However, it will still remain in the hearts of so many of them. No reasons have been found as to why the show is going off air. However, some of them are saying that the reason is because the show is very underrated.

Cast of Atypical

Keir Gilchrist

Brigette Lundy-Paine

Jennifer Jason Leigh

Michael Rapaport

Nik Dodani

Amy Okuda

Jenna Boyd

Graham Rogers

Fivel Stewart

Nina Ameri

Raúl Castillo

Ariela Barer

Graham Phillips

Sara Gilbert

Rachel Redleaf

Allie Rae Treharne

Eric McCormack

Casey Wilson

Angel Laketa Moore

Christina Offley

Kimia Behpoornia

Karl T. Wright

Major Curda

Marietta Melrose

On My Block: There is no official announcement related to the renewal of On My Block. However, it is going to end in 2021 mainly because of the pandemic. The show gained popularity but is still ending. Centered in Los Angeles, this one was based on high school teens who face different challenges.

Cast of On My Block

Diego Tinoco

Sierra Capri

Jason Genao

Brett Gray

Jessica Marie Garcia

Julio Macias

Ronni Hawk

Peggy Blow

Jahking Guillory

Paula Garcés

Danny Ramirez

Reggie Austin

Eric Neil Gutierrez

Eme Ikwuakor

Emilio Rivera

Lisa Marcos

Angela Elayne Gibbs

Ada Luz Pla

Troy Leigh-Anne Johnson

Shoshana Bush

Rob Murat

Mallory James Mahoney

Raushanah Simmons

Gilberto Ortiz

Dear White People: This series is renewed for season four. This one is coming to an end in 2021. The final episodes will show you the nest conversational end.

Cast of Dear White People

Logan Browning

Antoinette Robertson

Brandon P. Bell

Ashley Blaine Featherson

Marque Richardson

DeRon Horton

John Patrick Amedori

Giancarlo Esposito

Tyler James Williams

Caitlin Carver

Jeremy Tardy

Obba Babatundé

Brandon Black

Sheridan Pierce

Nia Long

Ally Maki

Quei Tann

Brant Daugherty

Wendy Raquel Robinson

John Rubinstein

Jeff Larson

Alex Alcheh

Francia Raisa

Rome Flynn

Luke O’Sullivan

Taylor Foster

John Paul Jones II

Tessa Thompson

Ratched: This series is renewed for season two but is going off air very soon. The series is about a nurse Ratched and is based on a real story. As of now it is twisted and ended with a superb episode.

Cast of Ratched

Sarah Paulson

Cynthia Nixon

Finn Wittrock

Sharon Stone

Judy Davis

Jon Jon Briones

Charlie Carver

Amanda Plummer

Corey Stoll

Alice Englert

Sophie Okonedo

Vincent D’Onofrio

Hunter Parrish

Brandon Flynn

Harriet Sansom Harris

Rosanna Arquette

Jermaine Williams

Michael Benjamin Washington

Don Cheadle

Linda Bisesti

Annie Starke

Teo Briones

Emily Mest

Liz Femi

Jeff B. Davis

Robert Curtis Brown

Kirk Bovill

Grasie Mercedes

Siaka Massaquoi

Ben Crowley

Elinor Gunn

Clayton Farris

Aaron Jay Rome

Patrick Duke Conboy

Zabeth Russell

Albert Malafronte

Jake McDermott

Heather McPhaul

Lita Lopez

Lucas Barker

Greg Ballora

Alfred Rubin Thompson

Germain Arroyo

Kristin Charney

Fred Maske

Casey James Knight

Glow: This one is straightaway cancelled. A very famous wrestling drama, this had to be cancelled because of the pandemic.

Cast of Glow

Alison Brie

Betty Gilpin

Marc Maron

Kate Nash

Jackie Tohn

Sydelle Noel

Sunita Mani

Britney Young

Gayle Rankin

Awesome Kong

Britt Baron

Ellen Wong

Chris Lowell

Kimmy Gatewood

Rebekka Johnson

Marianna Palka

Shakira Barrera

Rich Sommer

Bashir Salahuddin

Geena Davis

Victor Quinaz

Ursula Hayden

Alex Rich

Andrew Friedman

Elizabeth Perkins

Annabella Sciorra

Brooke Hogan

Breeda Wool

Kevin Cahoon

Horatio Sanz

Wyatt Nash

Joey Ryan

Toby Huss

Paul Fitzgerald (actor)

Eli Goree

Marc Evan Jackson

Phoebe Strole

Amy Farrington

Ravil Isyanov

Messiah: The series was cancelled because it had to go through ups and downs. However, for the year 2021, this high class show has been canceled. The reason behind this is the dropping popularity.

Cast of Messiah

Mehdi Dehbi

Michelle Monaghan

Stefania LaVie Owen

Rona-Lee Shimon

Sayyid El Alami

Melinda Page Hamilton

Wil Traval

John Ortiz

Fares Landoulsi

Jane Adams

Beau Bridges

Philip Baker Hall

Dermot Mulroney

Teenage Bounty Hunters: This one got cancelled too. Even though this was considered as one of the best teen comedy series, it came to an end. The series received amazing reviews from the critics and the jury.Sadly, the first season of this show fails to draw the attention of the audience. This is one major reason why the series ended.

Cast of Teenage Bounty Hunters

Maddie Phillips

Anjelica Bette Fellini

Devon Hales

Kadeem Hardison

Virginia Williams

Spencer House

Mackenzie Astin

Myles Evans

Charity Cervantes

Method Man

Eric Graise

Given Sharp

Shirley Rumierk

Randy Havens

Jacob Rhodes

The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance: The series got cancelled even after umpteen gigs and comedy episodes.

Cast of The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance

Anya Taylor-Joy

Taron Egerton

Nathalie Emmanuel

Mark Hamill

Simon Pegg

Jason Isaacs

Helena Bonham Carter

Andy Samberg

Natalie Dormer

Keegan-Michael Key

Caitriona Balfe

Alicia Vikander

Gugu Mbatha-Raw

Mark Strong

Harvey Fierstein

Theo James

Toby Jones

Awkwafina

Lena Headey

Ólafur Darri Ólafsson

Shazad Latif

Donna Kimball

Harris Dickinson

Benedict Wong

Sigourney Weaver

Hannah John-Kamen

Neil Sterenberg

Louise Gold

Beccy Henderson

Kevin Clash

Dave Chapman

Warrick Brownlow-Pike

Helena Smee

Bill Hader

Theo Ogundipe

Kemi-Bo Jacobs

Dave Goelz

Eddie Izzard

Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj; This American show has grabbed the attention of so many of them during the lockdown. However, the show is now cancelled and no reasons behind the same have been found out yet.

Cast of Patriot Act With Hasan Minhaj

Hasan Minhaj

Joyelle Johnson

Arnab Goswami

Andrew Yang

Cory Booker

Maeve Higgins

Adi Ash

Michelle C Bonilla

Rahm Braslaw

Julian Zane Chawdhary

Sean Hartman

Alexis Landry

James Adam Tucker

Rayan Zaim-Sassi

Emily Grace Buck

Vava

Vinod Chaproo

Joan Dickson

Michael Eric Dyson

Jann Ellis

Sonia

Lori Hammel

Smith Harrison

John Hodgman

Siraj Huda

Jacob Dylan

Aurea Jolly

Kevin

The Summary

These are some of the famous Netflix series and shows that got cancelled in the year 2021. As mentioned above, the reasons behind the cancellation differ from series to series. However, you need not lose hope. Netflix still have amazing series coming up. Whatever genre you prefer, keep that in mind and start searching for them. This way you will surely end up finding the ones that will be suitable for you. If not Netflix, then you can check out IMDB. This is a platform where you can search for various shows and movies. While doing do, what you can do is check out the ratings. This way you will find out whether or not the show should be watched or not. IMDB shows new series ans shows that are released every week or month. Search for the one you want to watch and get started without any further ado.

We hope this piece has helped in understanding which and why the shows got cancelled. However, you need not worry about anything. There are a plethora of shows you will come across on this platform, and something or the other will surely be worth watching. Thus, do not wait further and make use of the time this lockdown. Do not let the cancellation and lockdown spoil your mood. Your mood will be cherished and who knows you find out facts you never thought could happen? Also, exploring various genres never goes waste. So, why not make use of this wonderful opportunity?

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[axwalker]

Tears in heaven 7: Grief

Synopsis: Alexis O’Brien is about to get married but memories of her old life are coming back to haunt her.

Pairings: Liam x MC Drake x MC (TRR)

Warnings:   This is an 18+ blog.

IN THIS CHAPTER: CAR ACCIDENT, DEATH OF A CHILD, GRIEVING PARENTS.

 if you’re triggered by any of these issues, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS STORY

To catch up: Masterlist

A/N: The story will go back and forth between two different periods of time (2015-2019) 

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Songs inspiration: Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton

Thanks to @burnsoslow for so so so much. Not only she corrected my several English mistakes but she helped me with her feedback, and with Alexis’s letter and the horrible phone call she receives.I LOVE YOU  ❤️

Thank you @pedudley for beta reading, for ALL the feedback and for listening to my incessant whining while I was writing this chapter. I LOVE YOU  ❤️

November 2014 – November 2018

That Saturday had started like many others before. Drake woke up early to the sight of Alexis’s soft, bare skin next to him. He leaned over to pepper her back with lusty kisses. They were going to be apart the whole weekend, and Drake wanted to show his beautiful wife just how much he was going to miss her. Alexis woke up smiling and enjoying the jolts of pleasure that his ministrations always produced. Unfortunately, they both heard the voice calling them from the next room, suddenly interrupting their morning plans. Drake chuckled, resigned, as Alexis put on his Rolling Stones T-shirt. Twenty seconds later, Drake brought a sleepy Tom to the room with a book in his hands.

“C’mere, little man.” Drake placed him next to Alexis in their bed. Tom snuggled against his mother and gave her his favorite book as he did every Saturday morning. “I’ll go make us breakfast, Lexie,” he said and left for the kitchen after placing soft kisses on Tom’s and Alexis’ heads.

“Let’s see what you have this morning, Peanut.” She read the title out loud: “The Very Hungry Caterpillar. You really like this one, don’t you, hon?”

Tom nodded vigorously.  Alexis giggled and started reading as her son ran his little fingers over the drawings of the book.

When their reading was over, Alexis took Tom to his room. She went to the drawers to pick out his clothes.

“So, Shrek or Cars, Peanut?” she asked as she pulled out two different T-shirts from the top drawer.

“Shek!” Tom yelled excited.

“‘Shek’ it is, then,” she said, winking at him.

After a few minutes of chasing Tom around the room because he refused to wear his pants, they came down to the kitchen.

Drake chuckled at the sight of Tom wearing his green Shrek T-shirt with yellow pants and the cowboy boots Bianca had sent from Texas. His mother didn’t even know Tom. Those boots were the only gift she had sent him in three years, but Tom loved them.

“Bold choice of outfit, little man. Uncle Max will be proud.”

Alexis giggled. “He refused to wear anything else,” she said, placing Tom in his chair. “I can believe I have to work on a Saturday. I’m going to miss you two so much.” She pouted.

Drake was going with Tom to Ramsford for Savannah’s birthday. Alexis had gotten a job as the assistant to a renowned literary agent. She loved it, but it meant that she had to leave with her boss for the weekend to Portavira’s Book Fair.

Drake cupped her face before speaking. “You’re killing me with that sad little face. The weekend will be over before you know it. Tomorrow night we will be here waiting here for you, and we’ll have dinner ready. Do you want to cook with Dad, Peanut?”

Tom clapped with the spoon still in his hand, splashing strawberry yogurt all over the kitchen. “We make cake for Mommy!”

She took a kitchen towel and cleaned the mess, smiling at Tom’s vitality. “Well, if a delicious chocolate cake will be here waiting for me, I’ll be very motivated to come back as fast as possible.”

“I hope you’ll be motivated by more than cake, Lexie,” Drake said teasingly as he served them the food; he had prepared his Saturday special: Belgian waffles with Nutella and fresh bananas.

Alexis gave him a sultry kiss and whispered in his ear, “Finishing what you started this morning is definitely motivation number one.”  

Drake blushed. God, she loved him so much it hurt. “You look cute blushing, Mr. Walker.”

He chuckled. “I love you, Mrs. Walker.”

They ate and talked until Alexis’s phone beeped with a message. “Fuck, Drake! It’s Charlie; her car is picking me up in less than 10 minutes.”

Drake smirked. “A dollar in the jar, baby. And I’d like to remind you that you’re losing,” he added smugly.

Alexis stuck her tongue out at him, making Tom laugh. She took a bill out of her wallet and put it in the jar they had placed in the kitchen. They were both trying to stop swearing in front of Tom. Surprisingly enough, Drake was much better at it than she was.

After fetching her bag and coat, she sat on her husband’s lap, looping her arms around his neck. “I have to go -- please take care of our baby. I’m going to miss you two like crazy.”

He gave her a small peck on her nose. “Me too, Lexie, and don’t worry. We’ll see each other tomorrow night. Right, little man? Are you ready to have an adventure with your dad?”

“Yes, an aventure!” Tom exclaimed, beaming and making his parents laugh.

After saying goodbye to Drake with a deep kiss, Alexis took Tom out of his chair and bounced him around, making him giggle. “You behave, Peanut. I will be thinking about you,” she said, rubbing his stomach. “I love you so, so much, my baby.”

Tom placed his small hands on her face. “Me too, Mommy.” Her heart tugged when she put her little boy back in his chair. She was having more trouble than usual saying goodbye.

Drake smiled at the scene. He scooped Tom up into his arms, and they went to the door to wave Alexis goodbye as her car drove away.

Alexis worked hard that day; Charlie was a great but demanding boss. That night, she went to bed with The Goldfinch, Donna Tart’s latest novel. Tart was one of her favorite authors, but she was unable to focus on the story. Alexis finally closed the book and unplugged her phone. Scrolling through The Cordonian Times News website, she saw that a huge storm was about to hit Ramsford. She decided to call Drake.

“Hi, baby. How was the Fair?” he asked.

“Great! You know Charlie. She’s a shark. Three new writers will be signing their contracts next week.” She toyed with her ring before adding, “I just saw that it was rainy as hell in Ramsford.”

“Yeah, the storm is pretty shitty, but I’m a good driver, Lexie. Don’t worry.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay at Ramsford tonight? It’s safer. Please?” she insisted.

“Yes, I’m sure. But please don’t worry, baby. I’ll be careful,” he answered, smiling. She worried too much about them.

Alexis knew better than to insist; Drake was even more stubborn than her. “Fine. Is our Peanut having fun? Did you take pictures?”

“Yes, lots of pictures. I’ll send them when we hang up. He’s napping now, but Max and Liam played with him all afternoon. I swear, I don’t know which of the three of them was having more fun.” Alexis giggled, making Drake terribly nostalgic. “I miss you so much, baby. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

Alexis looked at the picture of them that she kept in her wallet. “Me too, Drake. And I’m glad that Tom is having so much fun. Tell him I love him with all my heart. I’m sorry he’s napping; I was hoping to talk to him.” She sighed, before adding, with a hint of worry in her voice, “Drake, please be careful. Don’t leave Ramsford if it’s raining too much.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll call you when we get there. I love you like crazy, Lexie.”  

“I love you like crazy too, Drake. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” Both of them hung up the phone smiling.

Drake looked out the window. The storm had calmed down, but it was still raining. He decided to leave anyway; he was a good driver, and the cabin wasn’t far from Ramsford.

He secured Tom in his car seat and left.

They had been on the road for half an hour when Drake took a sharp curve. It happened in a matter of seconds: The wet road caused the Jeep’s tires to slide; Drake reacted fast and was able to regain control of his car.

But the car behind Drake’s didn’t react so quickly. The gray sedan crashed into Drake’s Jeep on the right side ... where Tom was sleeping.

Alexis had fallen asleep with her phone in her hand. She woke up and checked the time: 11:30.

That was weird; Drake should have called her by now. Alexis called Drake, but it went straight to voicemail.

An uneasy feeling took over. She called Savannah, who told her that Drake had left Ramsford around 9:30. She suggested that maybe they had arrived at the cabin and fallen asleep. Alexis thanked her and hung up. She knew Drake by heart -- he would never go to sleep without calling her first. She opened a bottle of water trying to calm herself. She was surely overreacting.

Suddenly, her phone rang, startling her: an unknown number. Alexis took a sharp breath before answering the call that would change her life.

“Hello?”

“Good evening. Am I speaking with Alexis Walker?”

“Yes, this is she.” Ice settled in her stomach.

“Mrs. Walker, this is Lynn from Ramsford Hospital. Your husband and son were involved in a car accident tonight. Are you able to come right now?”

Alexis couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. “Hello?” She swallowed. “Yes. I’ll be there. Are -- are they safe?” “Your little boy is in surgery. Your husband is being checked by a doctor. We’ll have more information when you arrive, Mrs. Walker.”

“Th-thank you.”

But the woman had already hung up.

Charlie insisted that Alexis take her car and driver. Alexis accepted and left immediately.  The questions and uncertainty were killing her. During the torturous four-hour drive, she didn’t stop bargaining. If they’re okay, I will never complain again. I promise, God, I’ll never take them for granted. If you let them live, I’ll come to church every Sunday. Every day. I swear. Please, God, just let them be fine. Please, I beg you.

Alexis arrived at Ramsford Hospital around 4:00. She had practically jumped out of the car and run to the reception desk. She saw Maxwell and Liam sitting in the waiting room.

“Where are they? How are they?” Alexis realized how hysterical she sounded, but she didn’t care.

“Blossom! Thank God you’re here! Drake is fine; he suffered a small concussion and some bruises, but he’ll be fine.”

Alexis nodded, terrified of asking about Tom. Maxwell took a sharp breath before speaking. “Tom has been in surgery for a few hours ... the doctor will come out with an update soon.”

She nodded again, feeling a sudden need to see Drake. “Take me to Drake, Max. Please. I need to make sure he’s fine.”

Drake was sitting on a bed in the ER with Savannah. His eyes were red and puffy. He had scratches and bruises all over his face and arms, and a doctor had patched up his head with a bandage.

Alexis ran to him, intensely relieved to confirm that he was okay. Drake stood up and hugged her tightly, his eyes tearing up again. Alexis had never seen her usually-confident husband in such a state of desperation. It scared her to death.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. He has been in surgery for hours.” His voice broke. “They won’t tell me what’s going on!”

Drake wrapped his arms around her; she sobbed against his chest for a long time, waiting for the doctor to come. After a few more hours, the surgeon and a young nurse entered the ER. Drake was facing the door, so he saw them before her. His heart stopped.

The doctor’s expression told him everything he needed to know.

Drake held Alexis tighter, trying to shield her with his arms for a few more seconds from the pain they were about to experience.

The doctor cleared his throat. Alexis turned her head, trembling, unable to breathe. He took his cap off and held it in his hand.

“I’m very sorry. We did everything we could, but-”

Alexis shook her head. “No, no, no, no!” She didn’t realize she was screaming. “Don’t say it! No! It's a mistake.” She turned to Drake, crying hysterically. “Drake, please tell me that Tom is ok. Please, my love. I beg you.”

Drake held her, but he was shaking himself; he felt his heart actually breaking. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry,” he said, crying. He was trying to calm Alexis, but his words had the opposite effect. She bawled desperately. Her heart seemed to pound even faster, even harder. She tried taking a deep breath to calm herself, but her breaths were sharp and shallow. Her vision got darker and narrower.  She heard Drake’s panicked voice as if he was talking to her from a long distance. She barely felt a nurse injecting a sedative into her arm … and then everything went dark.

Alexis woke up, and for a few seconds she didn’t remember. But when she opened her eyes, the sight of the fluorescent light in the ceiling brought everything back. Her heart broke all over again as it would break so many times in the future. Drake was sitting on a chair next to her. He hadn’t slept all night as his eyes stared at his phone, looking at Tom’s last pictures. He heard Alexis moving on the bed, so he went to sit next to her and took her in his arms. She hid in his chest and cried again while he soothed her, rubbing her face with his fingers. Alexis couldn’t believe that she would never see her little boy again. It simply couldn’t be true.

“I want to see him.” Her voice was trembling.

“They were waiting for you before … before taking him. Let’s go.” He helped her out of bed and called a nurse who took them to see Tom one last time.  

Those last moments with their son were the saddest moments of Alexis’ and Drake’s lives. Alexis refused to let go of him until a nurse gave her another sedative.

Alexis spent the first four weeks after Tom’s death sedated. She went to his funeral, but she wasn’t really present. Drake took care of everything with Savannah's and Liam’s help. After the ceremony, she went back to bed and lay there for hours staring at the ceiling. The pills had the side effect of making her feel empty and numb, but at least the pain in her heart was silent. Drake fed her and took care of her during that time.

After Tom’s death, nothing seemed to matter anymore. Drake’s emotions were a mix of sorrow, emptiness and desperation. The “what if”s were going to make him crazy with guilt. He tried to use alcohol to drown his shame and grief, but it didn’t work. Nothing worked.

Five weeks after Tom’s death, Alexis heard a noise in the middle of the night. She got out of bed and found Drake crying in Tom’s room. Her heart tugged seeing him so broken. She sat on the floor next to him and hugged him. They held each other for hours, crying for their son.

From that day on, Alexis started to get out of bed. She stopped taking the sedatives and promised herself that she would try to fight for herself and Drake. It worked for a couple of days, but soon the mere effort of waking up in the morning was exhausting. Everything was exhausting. Alexis did it anyway. She’d wake up, take a shower and go to Tom’s room. She only meant to spend a couple of hours there, but once she went inside, she wasn’t able to leave. And more often than not, the whole day passed with her crying there, incapable of doing anything else.

Drake was destroyed too. Tom had been the light of his life. Sometimes he felt like a sunken ship.  

During the second month after his death, they shared some afternoons where they’d cuddled against each other in front of the fire without speaking, just trying to cope with the deep pain. Those few stolen moments were Drake’s and Alexis’ solace. But they were unable to really communicate, to speak of the bubbling feelings beneath the surface.

Without the pills, Alexis’ mind wasn’t foggy anymore. She felt a deep, breaking pain in her heart and a colossal rage circulating through her veins. At first, her bitterness was directed at God, at life, at fate. But soon, Alexis started to be angry at Drake, too. She tried with all her heart to stop those feelings, but she couldn’t. Drake had chosen to drive in the middle of the storm, after she had asked him to stay in Ramsford. And that had cost her son his life.

Alexis didn’t want to hurt him or to add to his guilt, so she started to avoid him as much as possible. It didn’t work. Drake’s way to cope with his own grief was to take care of her. He truly believed that their love would be enough to keep them together, and for a fleeting moment, Alexis had believed it too.

The rage that Alexis felt for him began as a small spark, but it had soon turned into a burning fire that scared her. She was distant and cold and did everything she could to drive him away.

Drake tried his best to make her feel better. He had even suggested visiting a counselor or joining a grief group. The same Drake Walker who hated to share or talk about his feelings was willing to do it for her. They went once, and it was a disaster. Drake had tried to share a memory of Tom, but the words simply didn’t come out. Alexis had brooded and scowled the whole time.

Alexis felt like she was going to explode with all the emotions she was feeling. She became rude, evasive. She ended up moving into the guest room. Drake was desperate; he tried to make her understand that he loved her, that he needed her.

It was the three-month anniversary of Tom’s death. After yet another sleepless night, she went to Tom’s room. She lay in his tiny bed and cried all day. Drake tried to comfort her, to hold her. But she had chased him away, more haunted than ever by his brown eyes. That night, she had come down to the living room and saw Drake drinking. Alexis sat next to him and poured herself a big glass of whiskey. She gulped it, poured herself another one and gulped it, too.

“I can’t do this anymore, Drake.” Alexis was crying wholeheartedly.

Drake sighed as he looked at her. She had lost 10 pounds and looked tired, pale, extremely depressed. It was the first time since they had met that he didn’t dare take her into his arms. “We need to get help, Lexie.”

Alexis scoffed, “Do you mean like that amazing support group you signed us for?”

For three months, Drake had tried to be supportive and patient. But he felt lost and tired;he didn’t know what to do anymore.

He gulped his tumbler of whiskey before he answered, “I’m doing what I can to help you, Lexie. But you won’t let me. I want us to fight this together.”

Alexis balled her fists. All the feelings that had been accumulating for the last months were threatening to explode.

“I don’t need anyone’s help.” She felt like burning inside. “Especially not yours.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Alexis?” Drake stood up next to her.  

When she finally answered, her voice was trembling with fury. “Why?”

“What do you mean?” Drake asked, puzzled.

Alexis’s eyes filled with tears. “Why did you have to come back that night? Why couldn’t you listen to me? I told you it was raining, I told you it wasn’t safe.” Something dark and dangerous had taken over her, and she couldn’t stop. “But no. You always have to be right, so you couldn’t do what I asked. And now he’s dead. MY SON IS DEAD because you’re too fucking stubborn.”

Drake raised his voice, too. “OUR son, Alexis. TOM was OUR son. I miss him just as much as you do. Stop acting like you’re the only one who lost him.” He sighed to calm himself. He raised a hand to touch Alexis’ face, but she dodged it. “You have no fucking idea how it feels when I try to get close to you and you reject me every goddamn time.”

Alexis tried to wipe her tears with the back of her hand. She answered, furious, “Can’t you understand that looking at you fucking hurts? Every time I see your eyes, I see him. And it’s driving me crazy. It breaks my heart every single time.” She took a swig of whiskey to calm herself, but it didn’t help. “You can’t help me; you’re actually hurting me.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re drunk,” Drake stated, pointing at her glass.

“Yes, I am drunk. But that doesn’t change the fact that it hurts so fucking badly, Drake. Why? Why did you do it?” She shoved him.

“Stop!” He grabbed her wrists. He couldn’t believe what she was implying. “Stop it, Alexis!”

She was bawling, agitated. She wanted to take the weight of her emotions off her chest, so she yelled at him without thinking. “You killed him! You killed our son, and I will never be able to forget that.” As soon as she said it, she regretted it. But it was too late.

Everything went silent for a few seconds. Drake’s mouth went dry. His heart stopped. Every time her eyes darted when she looked at him, or every time she flinched when he touched her, he wondered if she blamed him for the accident. But until that moment, he had refused to actually believe it.

Letting go of her wrists, he grabbed the bottle of whiskey and his glass. He spoke with a gravelly voice. “You’re drunk, I’m drunk. We’ll talk in the morning.”

Alexis swallowed her tears so she could talk. “No, Drake. I’m very sorry for what I just said. You have no idea how much, but I can’t do this anymore. I’ll be gone in the morning.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying. We’ll talk tomorrow.” Drake went up the stairs. The weight of her words oppressed him. He lay down on the bed and tried to drink his pain away.

Alexis stood in the middle of the living room hating herself for hurting him. She didn’t want to feel so angry at him, but the rage was stronger than her. She curled up on the couch and cried for a long time -- for her son, for the horrible pain of missing him so much. And for Drake, for the man she loved so desperately but was unable to forgive. Alexis needed to leave, to flee from their house, from the grief. She prepared a small bag with some clothes she had in the guest room. Before leaving, she went to their room where Drake was sleeping heavily after finishing the bottle of whiskey. Crying again, her heart broken, she kissed his forehead and muttered a sad good-bye. She took off her wedding rings and set them on the nightstand. Drake needed to understand that she wasn’t going to come back for a while.

When she arrived at Maxwell’s loft, she took her old sedatives from her bag. Now that Alexis was away from Drake, she didn’t need to fight anymore. She was exhausted from pretending that she wanted to be alive. So she took two pills with a glass of water and finally fell asleep.

For almost two days, thanks to the sedatives, Alexis didn’t do much besides sleeping and waking in a fog to drink a bit of water. She was exhausted after all the sleepless nights she had had since her son had died. Maxwell checked up on her regularly, but he let her rest. On the third day, he entered her room with a steaming cup of coffee.

“Here, Blossom.”

Alexis grabbed the cup and took a sip. “Thank you, Max.” Her eyes teared up.

Maxwell sat next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. “What happened with Drake, Blossom?” he asked, concerned.

“It was my fault. I’m so angry all the time, Max.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I tried not to be -- I really did -- but that night, something snapped. I said horrible things to him. And the worst part is that I love him so much, but I can’t stop feeling like that.” Her lip quivered. “I didn’t want to hurt him like I did. I swear, Max. He looked so broken.” The memory made her cry again.

“Calm down, Blossom. You need to talk to him. Even if it’s a painful conversation, you need to talk. Drake has called several times since yesterday; he’s worried about you. I’ll take you back to the cabin.”

Alexis was utterly confused. She didn’t know if their relationship could be saved. She didn’t know if she would be able to overcome her bitterness. But she still loved him with everything in her, and she owed it to Drake and herself to at least try.

“Thanks, Max. I’ll take a shower and then we can leave.”

When Alexis arrived at their cabin, everything was silent. With a huge lump in her throat, she went upstairs. Drake was gone. He had taken some clothes, photos, and her wedding rings. Alexis sat in their bed and cried for everything she had lost. The next day, she left the cabin and rented a small studio with her savings. After that day, her grief became more and more difficult to bear.

Drake woke up the morning after the fight feeling dead inside. His desperation only got deeper when he discovered that Alexis had disappeared, leaving her wedding rings on the nightstand. Drake spent all morning trying desperately to find her, until Maxwell finally answered his phone and told him that Alexis was at his house, that she needed time.

During those two days, Drake called Alexis several times, but every time, Maxwell told him that she was sleeping. Drake knew that it was a lie; Alexis barely slept more than a few hours a night. He thought about going to Max’s loft but dismissed the idea. It was pointless to force her.

Her words replayed in his head over and over again. Looking at you fucking hurts. It breaks my heart every single time. You’re actually hurting me. You killed my son. Drake felt the weight of his guilt crushing him

Forty-eight hours later, Alexis hadn’t contacted him or answered his calls. With her wedding rings wrapped in his hand, Drake realized that it was time to accept that she had really left him. He couldn’t stay there. He was going to die if he had to keep living alone in the cabin where they had been so fucking happy. Alexis was everywhere. Tom was everywhere. The next day, he tried to call her one last time, but she didn’t answer. Drake didn’t insist anymore. He left for Spain, destroyed. Before getting on the plane, he called Liam to ask him to take care of Alexis; Drake knew his best friend wouldn’t fail him.

After three hellish months in Andalucía, Olivia had called him to tell him how desperately depressed Alexis was. Drake immediately tried to fly back to Cordonia to be with her, but he had only found tickets for the next morning. That single night changed everything. Drake had been arrested and sent to prison. He asked Bastien and Savannah to keep his secret because he didn’t want to worry Alexis or distract Liam from helping her.

Drake felt desperate knowing that he couldn’t help her himself. Savannah and Bastien visited him often, but no matter how much he insisted, they never talked about Alexis. Drake sensed that they were hiding something, but it wasn’t until his release that his sister had told him the truth: Alexis had been committed to a clinic after she had tried to kill herself.

Drake didn’t lose any time and jumped on the first plane back to Cordonia to be with her. Sick with worry, Drake didn’t even go to his house to leave his bag; he had gone from the airport directly to the clinic.

When Drake had seen Liam at the hospital, he was relieved to confirm that his best friend had kept his promise; Alexis hadn’t been alone. Liam had known nothing about his stay in prison, so Drake wasn’t surprised at his best friend’s cold reception. The only thing that mattered to Drake at that moment was Alexis. Seeing her again had been the only thing that had kept him alive.

Drake would never forgive himself for all those months that Alexis had been forced to fight her depression alone, without him there to help her. If she gave him another chance, Drake would spend the rest of his life showing her how much he regretted it, how much he loved her.

Liam had asked him to come back the next day. Apparently, Alexis needed time to get used to the idea of seeing him again. Drake accepted willingly. He was desperate to see Alexis, but her recovery was the absolute priority.

But the next day, things didn’t go as he had hoped.

“You left a broken woman, Drake. She has been in hell, depressed and missing you for months. You have no right to come back and burst into her life, now that she’s finally doing better.” Liam cleared his throat. “She told me she doesn’t want to see you anymore. I’d say I’m sorry, but frankly, I agree with her decision,” Liam said, taking an envelope from his jacket and giving it to him. “This is the letter she wrote to you before she tried to kill herself. I didn’t read it, but I know she was desperate. Seeing you again will trigger her and probably set her recovery back months.  If you still want to see her after you read this, call me, and I’ll talk to her. But for Alexis’ sake, I really hope you won’t insist anymore.”

Drake sat on a bench and opened the letter.

Drake, my love,

Before anything else, I beg you to forgive me. For all of it: blaming you. The words I said. This.

I blamed you for the accident and I drove you away.

It was never your fault. I knew that all along.

And now? I have nothing. There is nothing without him. I have walked through the last seven months in a fog of desperation, and I can’t do it anymore.  

I don't even want to try.

Please move on. Live your life. Be strong the way I cannot be.

It is what he would have wanted.

I have always loved you, with everything in me.

Your Lexie

Drake sat on the park bench and read her letter several times. It was devastating. Picturing her grief, her pain, in his mind was hard enough. But having to face it, having to read firsthand how broken the love of his life had been, was more than Drake could handle.

In spite of what Alexis said in her letter, Drake knew that Tom’s death was his fault. He was also aware that Liam was lying. Drake was sure that Alexis didn’t know that he was looking for her. But Liam was right; after all she had suffered, nothing was worth jeopardizing her recovery for -- least of all him. Drake hadn’t even gone back to his cabin that night. He went to the cemetery first to visit his son’s grave. Then he left directly for the airport, headed back to Spain.

His first year back in Andalucía had been a nightmare. Until then, Drake had stupidly clung to the idea of seeing Alexis again. She had been his motivation to stop drinking, to get help from the prison counselor. Her face was the last thing he saw before falling asleep every night. After all that hope, Drake had a rough time accepting that he had lost her forever.

For a few months, Drake went back to his old bad behaviors and heavy drinking. But one night, reading her letter for the hundredth time, he realized that Alexis was right. Tom would have wanted him to move on. Drake couldn’t continue to hide behind his grief anymore. He suddenly felt the urge to fight for himself. Little by little, he tried to get better. He couldn’t practice as a veterinarian in Spain, so he took a job in a stable training horses and moved out of Bastien’s house into his own apartment. And most importantly, he stopped day drinking.

Drake knew himself; he was never going to love another woman as he loved Alexis. Some nights, he’d go out, meet a beautiful woman, and they’d have fun together, but it never went further than a good night and breakfast.

One afternoon, he met Yolanda at the stables; she was a veterinarian too. Yola, as her friends called her, was a short brunette with pretty green eyes and a wide smile.

Something about her made him think of Alexis. Yolanda wasn’t as sunny as his Lexie, but she was beautiful, funny and smart. Like Alexis, she seemed to love life, and that was contagious. They dated for a few months, but Drake soon realized that he was only trying to replace Alexis with Yolanda, and that wasn’t fair to her. He ended the relationship before her feelings became too strong and resumed his life of endless one-night stands.

Drake’s life was finally back on track when he had received the news of Alexis and Liam’s engagement. It had been a complete shock. In the past, Drake had suspected that Liam was in love with his wife, but he would never have imagined that Liam’s feelings were reciprocated. Drake was well aware that Alexis had every right to rebuild her life, to fall in love. He knew that it was his own fault that Alexis hadn’t even tried to call him and give him the news herself, but the rage was still there. During the weeks that followed, Drake couldn’t avoid the horrible jealousy that was threatening to eat him up. He kept picturing them together and it drove him mad. Until one day, talking to Savannah, he realized that it was time to let Alexis go.

For three years he had lived as an exile in Andalucía so Alexis wouldn’t have to see him again. But she was clearly over him now. Maybe it was time to come back. Drake missed Savannah and Bartie, his country and his veterinary career. So he decided to stop fleeing. He wanted to see Alexis again and make sure she was all right. After that, they’d sign the divorce papers, and he would finally be able to move on with his life.

However, when he saw Alexis again, all of his good resolutions went out the window. Drake had felt angry and jealous seeing Liam’s diamond ring on her finger. In the weeks that followed that encounter, Drake had felt unstable and confused … until the last day at the coffeehouse.

April 2019

Alexis left the coffeehouse frustrated and angry at herself. She couldn’t believe that Drake’s touch was still capable of making her feel that nervous. She got in her car and started the engine. After all that time and the tears that she had shed trying to forget about him, she had finally done it. And she was not going to go down that path, not ever again. To love someone as passionately and as intensely as she had loved Drake wasn’t right or healthy. It was painful and heartbreaking. His departure had nearly killed her. Alexis was aware that Drake had left because of the hideous things she had told him, but she still had waited for him for years, convinced that their love for each other would make him come back. But it didn’t. And now, she was happy again. Liam made her happy. He was sweet, kind and smart. A great lover. He accepted her shortcomings, her traumas. Alexis couldn’t ask for more. She refused to let Drake disturb her life. Whatever feelings she was having for him again, was surely due to their lack of closure. The only thing that should matter to her now was her engagement to Liam. They were going to get married in a month. Liam deserved nothing less than her fidelity and devotion.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Drake was shaken after his encounter with Alexis at the coffeehouse. Even hours later, he could still feel her skin on the tip of his fingers. He sat with a whiskey in his hand, thinking about her reaction. As stupid as it seemed, he was sure that Alexis had felt the same powerful electricity that he did. They still shared their old chemistry, even when they had fought at Savannah’s party; it had been heated, passionate. He savored the malty liquid burning his throat as he thought about how gorgeous she was. For the first time since he had seen her again, Drake allowed himself to freely think about her -- her beautiful dark eyes, her soft features, the way she flicked her hair. The old sparkle of her eyes was still there; it was hidden behind a shadow of sadness, but it was still there. That afternoon, Drake had had to actively stop himself from kissing her.

There was no point in lying to himself any longer; he was still desperately in love with Alexis, even more than before. Drake admired her new strength, her determination to fight in spite of the pain. He missed her sarcasm, her sense of humor, the way she always put him in his place. He was as captivated by her mix of sweet vulnerability and intense fire as he had been 10 years before. God he had missed her so fucking much all those years. Drake was destined to love Alexis for the rest of his life.

However, the last thing he wanted to do was to disturb her life. So Drake made a decision. If Alexis was truly happy with Liam and her new life, as much as it killed him, he would sign the divorce papers and leave her alone. Even if that meant that he’d have to spend his life loving her from a distance. But if he discovered that she still loved him too but was too scared to admit it -- if there was a chance that he could still save his marriage -- Drake wasn’t going to leave without fighting for her.

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[those70scomics]

I’ve never written a story where Jackie and Hyde have any children, and I still haven’t. But I have written partial outlines for a few. Today (as a gift to you on my birthday), I present what I have of a story called Fourteen Autumns.

Animation Tutorial - Falling Leaves by SadfaceRL

Summary: On the fourteenth autumn of her daughter’s life, Jackie is finally ready to be a mother to her -- and reconcile with Hyde. But after many years of disappointments, neither Hyde nor their daughter, Sparrow, are sure they’re ready to accept Jackie fully into their family. Or heart.

Fourteenth Autumn. October 25, 1993.

Jackie, Hyde, and thirteen-year-old Sparrow meet up at the Point Place Harvest Festival with Eric and Donna's family (they have two sons) and Red and Kitty. Jackie and Hyde need to have a serious talk. Eric and Donna take Sparrow away with them to facilitate this talk. Jackie's a soap opera actress in NYC. She pretends to be in love all the time on her show. Her character's been married five times. But her life is unfulfilling. She's emotionally cut-off. Acting in a soap opera means memorizing thirty pages on a good day. But she can be given up to eighty pages if production demands recording four episodes in one day. Soap opera acting is not where she imagined she'd still be by now. She'd hoped to transition to a prime-time show, comedy or drama. It just hasn't happened for her. She's switched soaps a few times and returned to her first one. Her agent keeps encouraging her to audition, but her career is not enough. She misses her connections to her friends and family. Hyde believes Jackie wants to fill her emotional void with Sparrow, and he won't let Jackie use her. Jackie says she still has feelings for Hyde, too. They've slept together on and off over the years. Jackie tried one-night stands and even dated a few people “seriously,” and the sex meant nothing. She needs the emotional connection. Hyde made Sparrow his focus once she was born. He slept around, but he never fell in love. He didn't want any relationship to pull his attention from raising Sparrow. Jackie wants to try dating Hyde again, and she wants to be in Sparrow's life. She'll quit acting. Hyde says she's too ambitious to give up on her passion / career. Jackie says unless she writes something herself, like an independent movie, and gets it funded, she won't be living her passion anyway. Hyde says Sparrow's turning fourteen soon. She'll enter high school next year. Jackie asks if that means Jackie can't be mom to her daughter if her daughter's a teenager. Hyde says Jackie hasn't been a mom to Sparrow for thirteen years. Jackie is hurt by this. Hyde understands why.

First Autumn. Late September, 1979.

Jackie is a month away from giving birth. She and Hyde are in the same park as in 1993. Leaf colors are just barely starting to change. Hyde tells Jackie, “I'm not so sure about this adoption thing.” Jackie tells Hyde that she has to give the baby up for adoption. He says its our baby, not the. Jackie says it won't be. She's already had to defer college a semester. She wants her future. Raising a baby isn't right. She has no parental support with her dad in prison and mom off in Mexico or wherever again. Jackie says keeping the child would be selfish. Hyde's thought about that a lot since learning Jackie was pregnant. And he's tried to convince himself that letting his child be raised by other people is the right thing to do. But he feels connected to their kid. He'll always wonder, “What if?”

He loves Jackie, and he thinks they can handle it. He knows that this all sounds weird coming from him. But they don't need Jackie's parents. Hyde's got two sets of his own: W.B. and the Formans. Money's not going to be a problem, and neither is daycare. Hyde's got Grooves. Jackie can still go to college. She'll just have to put it off for a year instead of months and transfer to one she can commute to. Jackie got into NYU's acting program. She can't—and won't—give that up.

Hyde says but she can give up their kid?

Jackie says, again, it won't be theirs. She's—they're—giving it up for adoption. She's been looking through the portfolios of potential parents, and she's come up with three choices. She wants Hyde to look at them with her. Hyde says he doesn't have to. He already knows who their kid's dad is. Jackie [desperate]: “Steven, please!” Hyde says, “I'm raising our kid, Jackie. With or without you. I want it to be with, but I won't force you, all right? I won't. But I got this--” he presents an engagement ring--“a month ago. That's when I realized I didn't want to give up our kid, but I had no clue how to talk to you about it.” Jackie says he can't use marriage as a trap, just like he used to tell her she couldn’t against him.

Hyde says he doesn't mean it as a trap but as a promise they'll be partners in this, in everything. Jackie: “I need you to be my partner in letting the—our child go.” Hyde: “I can't.” Jackie, devastated, knows she's lost. She can't deny Hyde the right to be their child's father. “Then you'll lose me.” Hyde: “Jackie—” Jackie: “Because I can't be in this child's life. I'm going to be in debt for half my life to pay for school. I don't … I'm not capable of raising a child right now. Maybe if I'd gotten pregnant ten years from now, but not today.” She says his mom always resented his birth, his existence, because it meant the end of all the hopes and dreams she had for her life. His mom was only nineteen. Jackie's only eighteen, and she doesn't want to resent her child.

If she could somehow freeze the baby and thaw it once Jackie was ready to be a mother … but that's not possible, and she's not ready. And no matter how much she might love their child, part of her will probably resent it. And it won't be their child's fault. Just like his mom's resentment wasn't Steven's fault. But she won't be able to help how she feels. She'd rather let two loving people, who are absolutely ready and willing and wanting to raise a baby have their child than risk making their child feel unloved in any way. Hyde is quite emotional over this comparison. He says, “I don't want our kid ever feeling the way I did, either. I'm not exactly ready to be a dad, okay? I get it. But I already...” Jackie takes his hand and places it on her stomach. She understands. Steven loves their child.   Jackie: “You also already have a career you're happy with. Three parents who adore and support you. We were both afraid of the future for different reasons, and in different ways, but you're not anymore because your present is settled. You trust it. But without this baby, my future is full of possibilities. With it, my destiny is written, and it's not the one I want.” Hyde can't argue. Grief is written on his face. She sees it. Jackie: “I know I sound selfish, and maybe I am being selfish. But I truly believe giving this baby up for adoption is the kindest, least selfish option for all of us.” Hyde: “Not for me.”

First Autumn. October 25, 1979.

Hyde and Mrs. Forman are taking a walk on a leaf-strewn path. Hyde's been taking Kitty's baby-care class all month. He's read baby-care books the month before that and asked Kitty all kinds of questions. Kitty asks if Hyde's excited about becoming a father. Jackie's due date is so soon.

Hyde says he's scared but relieved Jackie agreed to let him raise the kid … and that the Formans agreed to help as much as they can. Kitty says this is her first grandchild. She's honored and so happy Hyde decided to raise the child. She's worried about Jackie, though. Kitty tried to convince Jackie to hold the baby after birth, just so she wouldn't have any questions. Just to have a moment of bonding. Jackie is adamant she has no contact with the baby.

This hurts Hyde's heart. Hyde says Jackie's got to do what she's got to do. Kitty questions him and asks if that statement represents how he actually feels.

Hyde: “It’s reality.”

Kitty: “I’m so terribly sorry -- and incredibly sad -- that your baby broke you and Jackie up.”

Hyde: “Me, too.” Kitty changes the subject (for herself and him). She asks if Hyde's thought of a name yet.

Hyde: “If it's a boy, Zeppelin. If it's a girl, Zeppelin.”

Kitty [horrified]: “You can't name your child after a blimp.”

Hyde says Led Zeppelin is his favorite band.

Kitty doesn't care. He has to think of a proper name for his child.

Hyde remembers when Jackie used to talk about boy and girl names she'd want to name their future kids. He used to get so uncomfortable with these conversations that he'd come up with the most ridiculous names to shut her up. But he doesn't want to pick one of the names Jackie wanted since their kid might resent Jackie for choosing not to be in her life. Kitty asks if he looked through the baby name book she gave him.

He says he has, but none of the names stuck out at him. He was named after his stepdad, who was named after his dad. A SPARROW lands near them on a fence. It draws Hyde's focus. In this moment, he emotionally connects to how his life is going to change completely in a few days. He won't be responsible only for himself but another life: physically, mentally, and emotionally. Kitty sees that Hyde is getting emotional. His face is flushing. Kitty hugs him, like she knows what he needs. He doesn't hug her back immediately.

She says, “You won't be doing this alone. I promise, Steven. Red and I consider you our son, and we won't let you do this alone.” Hyde's arms wrap around Kitty in this moment, and he says, “Thanks. ... I--” He takes a deep breath and laughs to release tension. “Fuck it. I love you.” Kitty hugs him tighter. That's the first time he's ever said the words aloud without her prompting him.

Kitty: “I love you, too—and watch your language. You're about to have a baby!” She lets go of Hyde, and they laugh. He wipes his wet eyes, and they continue walking.

First Autumn. October 28, 1979.

Hospital delivery room. Jackie gives one final push, and out comes her and Hyde’s daughter. Hyde has his shirt unbuttoned. He sits in a chair, and the doctor puts the baby in Hyde's arms, against his chest for warmth. The doctor and nurses dry off and clean up the baby while she's in Hyde's arms. They also evaluate baby. She's fine. They cut the umbilical cord. Hyde: “Jackie, you've got to see her—just see her. She's beautiful.” No answer. Nurse says low,  “We've got a room all set up for you down the hall. It's probably best we go.” Hyde: “Jackie's still breathing?” Nurse, “Yes. She's all right, but we need to respect her wishes.” Hyde stands with the baby. The nurse guides Hyde toward the door, but Jackie says, “Wait!” Hyde does. He turns around. Jackie says, “Let me hold her.” Hyde brings the baby to Jackie and places her on Jackie's bare chest. Jackie, with tears in her eyes, has a moment of connection with her child. She kisses the top of the baby's head then lets her go. Hyde, holding the baby against his own bare chest, says, “Do you want to know her name?” Jackie [crying]: “Yes.” Hyde: “Sparrow Katherine.” Jackie doesn't remark on whether or not she likes the name. She just nods weakly, as if she's accepted the baby's not hers to name. She willingly gave up that right.

First Autumn. November 1, 1979.

Hyde's in what used to be Laurie's room. It's now Hyde's room and decorated like it, too. Inside is also Sparrow's crib -- which Red made -- a changing table, and a rocking chair that Mrs. Forman insisted on. Shelves are filled with parenting books as well as books to read to Sparrow. By the crib, on Hyde's nightstand, is a baby monitor; a gift from Angie. Hyde's sitting in the rocking chair. No sunglasses. Sparrow is five-days-old, and Hyde is bottle-feeding her while Eric and Donna visit from Madison college. They wanted to see their goddaughter. Eric and Donna couldn't be there during the week, or birth, because of school. They drove down Friday night, arriving too late to see the baby in the hospital. But now they're talking with Hyde and amazed at Sparrow. Hyde finishes the feeding and burps her. He hopes she keeps down the formula, but Mrs. Forman taught him how to feed her so she doesn't swallow too much air. Eric: “I can't believe you're a dad.” Donna: “I can't believe Sparrow is so quiet. Can I hold her … if she doesn't throw up?” Hyde: “Yeah, I think it's safe. But just in case...”

He indicates a soft towel on the changing station. Eric gets it. Donna places it over her shirt, and Hyde hands her the baby. Donna holds Sparrow properly. Hyde gets nervous when new people hold his kid, but he trusts Donna. Donna is totally enamored with Sparrow. She says, “Her eyes are so blue!” Hyde: “Mrs. Forman says that could change in six months. Maybe she's got Jackie's eyes.” Donna [smiling / close to nuzzling Sparrow's face]: “Well, she doesn't seem to have Jackie's temper.” Eric: “So, Hyde, how are you doing with all this?” Hyde: “Great, man. Red and Mrs. Forman are in love with the kid. Angie's in town, taking care of the store while I'm on paternity leave, but she's been over here every night to get Sparrow-time—and Mrs. Forman's cooking. W.B. was here when Sparrow was born and helped out the first few days, too. Hell, I'm lucky if I get to parent Sparrow at all.” Donna [laughing]: “Come on. That's not true.” It isn't, but his family has really taken to Sparrow. Hyde knows how fortunate he is. He's got all the support he told Jackie they would get. Eric: “What about Jackie? I mean, she's not starting college until next semester. Has she … will she ..?” Hyde gets uncomfortable, and Sparrow starts to fuss in Donna's arms, as if she senses Hyde's discomfort. Donna passes Sparrow back to Hyde, and Hyde feels better with Sparrow in his arms. He sits in the rocking chair again.   Hyde: “Jackie held her in the hospital room. Then she let her go.” Let both of them go. “Not gonna say it doesn't kill me 'cause it does. But I didn't know I could feel like this...” He gazes at Sparrow, who grabs Hyde's finger. “It's freakin' unreal how much I love her.” Donna is touched. She lays her hand on Eric's knee and says, “You almost make me want to have kids.” Eric [nervous]: “You don't want kids?” Donna [who still has Sparrow's towel, which fell to her lap]: “I do. We've talked about that. Just not now.” Eric [relieved]: “Right. Right. Hey, Hyde, think I could hold her sometime?” Hyde: “After her nap, sure.” He begins to rock her in the chair. Donna: “Aw, you're such a softy.” “Should we tell Aunt Donna to get bent?” Hyde says to Sparrow -- with a voice he'd never heard come out of him until she was born. It should disturb him, how sickeningly sweet it is, but it doesn't. He looks up at Donna and says with his normal tone, “Sparrow says I should give you a break.” Donna: “Thanks, Sparrow.”   Eric: “Speaking of Sparrow, how'd you come up with that name? I thought for sure you'd name her Clapton or Hendrix.” Hyde: “A sparrow showed up at the right time.”

So did Forman and his folks. And Donna. W.B. and Angie … and Jackie. All the people he's ever needed in his life showed up when he needed them, and Sparrow's the latest one in that list.

Sparrow yawns, and Hyde kisses Sparrow's forehead. He's going to be there for Sparrow no matter what happens in her life or where she chooses to go. She'll always have him to come back to.

Tenth Autumn. October 5, 1989.

SPARROW'S DIARY. October 5. Jackie sent Sparrow her first diary. It has a purple cover, her favorite, and Jackie glued a picture of a sparrow to the cover. SPARROW writes about this in her first diary entry. October 5, 1989. Hello, diary. How are you? I know you can't answer, but I'm happy Mom bought you for me. You're my favorite color, purple, and Mom glued a pretty picture of a sparrow on the front. She said in her note that you're one of her any-time presents. She sends those to me a lot. I wish she was here. I almost never see her—except on TV. Farmor lets me watch her on Nights of Our Days sometimes. Dad doesn't like it, but I want to know my mom. I mean, Dad's told me a lot about her. He answers all my questions, but it's not the same as talking to her. She doesn't love me. Dad says she does, but he also says presents don't mean love, and I think the same thing. But people who do love me give me presents a lot, too, like Dad and Farmor, Farfar, and Grandpa. But they also spend time with me and take me to places like the zoo and Funland and play games with me, and I know they love me, and I love them. I don't know if I love Mom. Dad says that's okay. He doesn't love his mom, either. His mom hurt him really bad, but he won't tell me how. He says she's like Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty, and that's scary. I've seen that movie about a hundred times. Farmor reminds me of Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather. She's my grandma, and she's so funny. We laugh all the time, but she's also like my mom. Not Mom but an actual mom. I love her so much, and I love my dad more than anything. I wish he was happier. … I mean, he is happy. I'm happy, too, but sometimes we're both sad. He loves Mom, and maybe I should, too? Maybe I do. I'm just so MAD at her. Anyway, diary, I better go. Talk to you again soon!

That’s all I wrote. But had I finished this story, we would’ve gotten glimpses of Hyde, Sparrow, and Jackie's lives throughout autumns two through thirteen -- with Jackie and Hyde’s (and eventually Sparrow’s) conversation during the fourteenth autumn interspersed among the chapters.

The epilogue would’ve been the fifteenth autumn, a year after Jackie asks to be part of Sparrow and Hyde’s lives. We see that the family is together and happy, although still working through things. But everything is moving in the right direction.

[zen3to5]

J/H 7-25: That ‘70s Finale

FF.Net AO3

***

SHOW TITLE   TITLE CARD   CARD 1: Eric Forman’s house   CARD 2: December 31, 1979   CARD 3: 8:45 p.m.   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - NIGHT   It’s New Year’s Eve - the end of the ‘70s. The Forman kitchen isn’t decorated, but it is filled with trays of crackers, cheese, carrots, celery sticks, peanut butter, raisins – any number of snacks and party foods. RED and KITTY, dressed in warm but semi-formal clothes, are in the kitchen. Kitty works on the icing of a chocolate cake at the stovetop, while Red stands next to her, eyeing one of the snack trays. He reaches for a miniature sausage, but Kitty, without looking up, smacks his hand away.   RED: Kitty, for God’s sake, this food’s been sitting here for almost an hour. Do you want me to just go hungry until 1980 gets here?   KITTY: No, just until our guests come.   She finishes icing the cake, sets down the knife, and clasps her hands together.   KITTY (cont’d): Oh, I’m so excited! Everyone, together again! You know, we haven’t seen any of the kids since Eric went off to college. Donna’s with him, Steven and Jackie are so busy in Chicago, and Michael and Fez stopped coming by after you caught them trying Michael’s skeleton key on the basement door.   Red nods with pride.   KITTY (cont’d): And, with the snowstorm, the only one who made it home for Christmas was Laurie, who stuck around just long enough to get her cash present before running on back to -   RED: College.   KITTY: Red, that girl is living with a French-Canadian -   RED: College.   He refuses to meet Kitty’s frown; he has his story, and he’s sticking to it. Kitty shrugs it off, picks up a tray of snacks, and exits into...   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   Kitty, with Red right behind her, sets the tray down on the coffee table.   KITTY: Admit, Red Forman. You’re excited to see the kids again too.   RED: I was excited when they left. Their visits, I tolerate.   Before Kitty can reply to that, the doorbell rings. She and Red both hurry to the door.   KITTY: Oh, that must be them.   She throws the door open and finds KELSO and FEZ, bundled up for the December chill. Kelso throws his arms wide while Fez readies a noisemaker.   KELSO: HAPPY NEW YEAR!   Fez gives the noisemaker a toot. He and Kelso grin broadly while Red rolls his eyes and Kitty manages a smile.

MAIN CREDITS   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   The initial disappointment that they aren’t Eric having passed, Kitty warmly beckons Kelso and Fez into her home, giving each boy a hug in turn.   KITTY: Oh, boys! It is so nice to see you again!   KELSO: It’s great to see you, Mrs. Forman. We’ve missed you.   FEZ: Yes. I am around a lot of old ladies at the salon, but none with your kindness, your way with bridge, or your foxy good looks.   He gives Kitty a would-be seductive glance. She smiles uncomfortably; Red scowls.   RED: And I’ll be none of them have a foot ready to go up your ass.   KELSO: Ah, there’s our Red! C’mere, you!   He and Fez open their arms and advance, as if to hug Red.   RED: Don’t touch me.   The boys back off. Instead, they shed their coats and stroll into the living room and sit down on the couch, helping themselves to the snack tray.   KELSO: All right, New Year’s 1980! That’s, like, a new century! Are we the first ones here? I figured Donna at least would’ve shown up by now.   KITTY: You mean Eric and Donna.   FEZ: Oh, I’m not sure about that. The last time we called them, Donna answered, and when we asked to talk to Eric, she said that Eric was in his new apartment.   Red and Kitty’s jaws drop; they haven’t heard a thing about this.   KELSO: Then she said, “oops,” and we asked, “what’s up with you two,” and she said “nothing,” but it was the kind of “nothing” we always used to say when we broke something around here and you caught us but we tried to cover it up.   FEZ: Then we offered to drive to Madison to console her – sexually. That’s when she hung up.   They turn back to the snack tray as Red and Kitty share stunned looks.   KITTY: Eric’s in a new apartment?   RED: Don’t tell me that dumbass screwed things up with Donna again! He’s had half the damn decade to get it right!   KITTY: (to Kelso, Fez) Are they broken up? Are they moving?   FEZ: We don’t know. We haven’t talked to them in a while.   KELSO: We’ve been pretty busy.   KITTY: Oh – yes. I’m sorry, boys. Michael, is watching your daughter on weekends working out? And how are things with you boys, sharing an apartment?   KELSO/FEZ: Awesome./It’s magical.   They both look up with matching dopey grins. Track in on their faces, and we begin:   MONTAGE. Set to “It’s a Sunshine Day” by the Brady Bunch.   A) Kelso and Fez, looking straight into the camera and walking in exaggerated jaunts in time to the music in front of an obvious green screen of a town street on a bright sunny day.   B) CONVIENIENCE STORE, run down and poorly stocked. A MASKED ROBBER is holding up the CLERK with a knife. Two cops burst through the door, one of them Kelso. The robber keeps his knife pointed at the clerk as he backs up. The cops draw their mace. Kelso is holding his backwards – something he only realizes when he shoots. He hurls back, his can of mace flying. Kelso crashes into the outside shelf and sets off the dominos, knocking every shelf in the building down even as he rolls over them, kicking in pain and grasping at his eyes.   C) SALON. On a busy day where every stylist is taken, a long line still forms for Fez. We track along the line until we reach Fez, hard at work on an ATTRACTIVE GINGER WOMAN. Fez is on the final stage – drying and styling. He sits the woman all the way up, revealing soft waves. The ginger pats her hair in stunned ecstasy. Fez holds up a mirror so she can have a better look. The ginger stands and offers him her hand. He goes in for a kiss instead. She slaps him, sending his face crashing into the still-full sink.   D) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. It is late at night, and the place appears empty. The door swings open and Kelso enters, wrapped around a BUXOM BLONDE. The two of them make out furiously all the way to the bedroom door, which Kelso manages to open without disentangling himself. They start to make their way into the room, but what’s inside causes the blonde to shriek. Kelso, when he gets a look, averts his eyes. The blonde flees from the apartment. Kelso tries to beckon her back, but fails. He turns the lights on and charges into the bedroom. Fez emerges, his fly and his belt open, and he runs around the apartment, chased by Kelso.   E) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. The boys on the couch, a trashed apartment all around them. They each have a keg of beer and a tap. They link arms and spray into their mouths.   F) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. MUSIC CHANGE: a music box rendition of “Hush, Little Baby.” The weekend is here, and the apartment is immaculately clean. BROOKE is in the doorway with BETSY. She hands Betsy off to Kelso, and her baby carrier to Fez, then exits. Kelso rocks Betsy gently in his arms as he and Fez both lean in to make goo-goo faces at her.   G) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. Kelso, on the couch, feeds Betsy her bottle as Fez watches from behind.   H) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. Kitchen area. Fez burps Betsy while Kelso plays with a teddy bear.   I) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. Bedroom. A baby crib is set up, with Betsy inside. Kelso and Fez look in on the crib. Kelso strums a guitar as he and Fez sing Betsy a lullaby.   J) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. The weekend is over. Brooke is back in the doorway. She collects Betsy from Kelso’s arms. With a smile, she exits, and Kelso and Fez smile and wave her goodbye. Once she’s gone, and the door is shut, there is a MUSIC CHANGE back to “It’s a Sunshine Day,” and Kelso and Fez both pull out beer cans. They shake them up, crack them open, and spray the foam at each other.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   Back to the present. Kelso and Fez both nod contentedly at the picture of their life. Red and Kitty seem much less pleased.   RED: You two aren’t getting back in here once we’re in the ‘80s.   BUMPER   MUSIC NOTE: “Last Dance” by Donna Summer.   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   A short time later. The music continues, as a song over the radio. The party is properly underway, and it’s a bigger crowd than just the kids. W.B. and ANGIE stand on the stairs, chatting with Brooke. LEO sifts through a bowl of mixed nuts on the bar with his fingers while Kitty stands behind the bar, making herself a drink. CASEY KELSO walks the floor while nursing a rum and coke, and MR. AND MRS. KELSO, along with several burly boys who can only be KELSO’S OTHER BROTHERS, mingle with FEZ’S OLD HOST PARENTS and PASTOR DAVE. Red and BOB stand off by the kitchen door, drinking beer.   Kelso and Fez, standing by couch, happily take in the scene.   KELSO: This is so great. It’s just like old times. We’ve got Leo, we’ve got Bob, we’ve got Mrs. Forman getting drunk and flirting with my brother.   Sure enough, Casey has made it to the bar, and is chatting up Kitty while she mixes her drink.   CASEY: So I says to the guy, “for that kind of money, what the hell?” And now I’m dancing at the club.   Kitty, breathless, leans on the bar and gazes up at Casey’s face.   KITTY: (swooning) Oh, yes.   Over by the kitchen door, Bob smiles as he looks over the party. Red scowls, but an unusually peaceful scowl.   RED: Look at all these freeloaders. Just when I was getting used to having my house back, too.   BOB: You seem pretty relaxed about it, Red. Usually by now, you’re threatening to call the cops on your own party and tell ‘em the guests are trespassing.   RED: (shrugs) Yeah, well... we’re closing out a decade, after all, and it makes Kitty happy, seeing everybody again.   He nods his wife’s way; Kitty and Leo are happily chatting.   RED (cont’d): And I’ll admit – it’s not so bad, having a little break from all the peace and quiet. But I tell ya, Bob – having the kids out of the house is everything I dreamed it would be.   He gives a small smile, sighs, and looks up. Slow zoom in on his face as we cut to:   MONTAGE. Set to an orchestral arrangement of “Anchors Aweigh.”   A) FORMAN LIVING ROOM. The middle of the day. A clearly unhappy Red is slumped in his chair, clicker in hand. He mindlessly clicks his way through the TV channels, while occasionally looking around the room with a deep frown.   B) FORMAN AND SON. A dead day for business. Red stands at the counter, leaning on the countertop with his head in his hands; he’s bored out of his skull. He looks around his empty shop before fiddling with a wrench on the countertop.   C) FORMAN BASEMENT. Some work has been done to redecorate the basement into a gentleman’s retreat, as Red once envisioned, but that work is limited and halfhearted; a few hunting trophies and Packers merchandise left scattered around the room. Red sits on the couch, punching one hand into a catcher’s mitt, as he looks around the basement.   D) FORMAN KITCHEN. Red, dressed for work, reads the newspaper at the kitchen table while Kitty cleans the stovetop. An empty water glass is by Red’s elbow. As he turns the page, he knocks the glass to the floor, where it shatters. Red immediately jumps to his feet and flies into an exaggerated fit of yelling, shaking his fists, and glaring up at the ceiling. Kitty nonchalantly collects the glass pieces as Red keeps going.   E) FORMAN LIVING ROOM. Red is in his chair again, this time with a bottle of beer. SCHATZI sleeps at his feet. Red takes a covert glance, makes sure Schatzi is sleeping. He tips his beer so that a small amount splashes onto the carpet by Schatzi’s rear. As soon as a spot is visible, Red jumps up, shakes his fist at a still-sleeping Schatzi, and scolds him as if he had an accident.   F) FORMAN MASTER BEDROOM. Red paces back and forth, ranting at raving and shaking his finger directly into the camera. A reverse shot reveals his real target - a PHOTO OF ERIC.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   Back to the present, and back to the party. Red shakes off his mental recap of the last few months and turns back to Bob.   RED: You know, Bob, we haven’t seen you over here much lately. How about we keep it that way?   BOB: (chuckles) Hey, I’ve got no wife, no daughter – I’m free to do whatever I want. It’s a busy time for Bob.   CUT TO:   INT. PINCIOTTI LIVING ROOM – DAY   A day in the life of “busy time” Bob. He sits in front of the TV with a tray of lasagna. THE LOVE BOAT is on the tube. Bob shovels what’s left of the lasagna into his face with a fork and sets the tray down. He belches and opens his belt. Patting his stomach, he lets out a long sigh. A flicker of discomfort crosses his face; matters are afoot down below. Bob stands and crosses to the bathroom, disappearing inside.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   Back to the present.   BOB: (to Red) So, when are the kids getting here?   RED: Ya got me. Say – you haven’t heard from Donna lately, have you? Because Kelso said something about Eric moving into a new apartment.   BOB: New apartment? What’s going on?   Kitty, walking the floor, overhears and rushes to join in on the conversation.   KITTY: (to Bob) You didn’t know either?   BOB: It’s the first I’m hearing about it. Did your bastard run off on my little girl again?   KITTY: Well, how do you know your harlot didn’t dump my baby boy again?   BOB: Don’t you call my Donna a harlot, Kitty!   KITTY: Don’t you call my Eric a bastard!   Bob looks ready to retort, but Red steps between them.   RED: All right, let’s not spoil the new year. Let’s just agree that they’re both morons and give ‘em hell when they show up.   The doorbell rings and the door opens, but it isn’t Eric or Donna. It’s JACKIE and HYDE, both snazzily dressed for the party and for the winter weather. Jackie has an enormous bag slung over her arm.     JACKIE: Happy New Year!   Kitty hurries over to them, Red right behind her. She immediately snatches Hyde up into a crushing hug. Jackie does the same with Red.   KITTY/JACKIE: Steven! My second son! Oh, I’ve missed you./Mr. Forman! Oh!   HYDE: (cringing in her hug) No, that’s all right, Mrs. Forman... no, you don’t have to... ugh, okay, I missed you too!   He gives her a light hug back, which is enough to get her to release him. Red, meanwhile, cringes in Jackie’s hug.   RED: (to Jackie) You couldn’t have outgrown this in Chicago?   She lets him go, just in time for Kelso and Fez to come running up. She meets them in a big group hug.   JACKIE: Michael! Fezzie!   KELSO/FEZ: Jackie!/We missed you!   JACKIE: Oh, I missed you too – (stern) Get your hands off of there.   They let go, but don’t get back in time to avoid Hyde slugging them both in the arm.   KELSO: (to Hyde) And we missed that too. C’mere, Hyde!   The boys have a quick group hug of their own. Kelso and Fez give Hyde a once-over, Kelso fiddling with Hyde’s jacket.   KELSO (cont’d): Man, look at you – new jacket, new shirt, new watch, new boots... the only thing old about you is your face.   HYDE: Well, man, somethin’ told me that ringing in a new decade was a time to break out the nice duds. And that something kept telling me, hour after hour after hour, ‘til I finally said, “would you shut up, Jackie? I’ll do it already.”   JACKIE: (teasing) Well, what’s the point of buying my man nice outfits if I don’t get to show ‘em off once in a while?   She plays with Hyde’s collar.   FEZ: Jackie, you paid for Hyde’s fancy threads?   JACKIE:  Fez, do you know how much money I make, working on TV? I pay for everything. I said a lot of things about those feminists growing up, and they’re still totally wrong about hair and lipstick and how men are supposed to carry you over puddles and everything – but making the most money kind of kicks ass.   HYDE:  Works out for me, too. She always leaves her purse lying around. I’ve never had an easier time picking someone’s pocket.   He and Jackie smile at each other, she “awws.” She leans against his chest as he puts his arm around her shoulders.   JACKIE: Oh! I almost forgot –   She stands up straight, reaches into her bag, and pulls out a brandy bottle.   JACKIE (cont’d): Mrs. Forman, we got you something for Christmas. My mom took off for Tijuana, and she left the cabinet where she keeps her good brandy unlocked.   She presents Kitty with the bottle.   KITTY: Ooh, honey, let’s you and me mosey on over to the bottle opener.   Laughing, she leads Jackie to the bar.   Hyde pulls a small envelope from his jacket, hands it to Red.   HYDE: Here you go, Red. A little late Christmas present.   Red takes the envelope, opens it up. He nearly drops the contents as his eyes bug out.   RED: (breathless) Season Packers tickets. (looks up at Hyde) You know I don’t usually do this.   He throws himself at Hyde in a tight hug. Hyde smirks, pats Red on the back, and gently eases him back.   HYDE: Yeah, they’re from me and Forman. He knew he was gonna be late, so he asked me to bring ‘em.   RED: (pockets tickets) Say, when was the last time you spoke to Eric? What’s going on with this new apartment he’s got?   Jackie looks over from the bar as Kitty pours two glasses of brandy.   JACKIE: You don’t know? We were gonna ask you.   KITTY: (to Jackie) No, we don’t know anything. Have you heard from Donna at all?   JACKIE: Well, we were over at their apartment for Thanksgiving, and everything seemed fine. Then, a few weeks ago, they said they were going to be gone for the weekend and asked us to housesit, and that’s when we noticed all of Eric’s stuff was gone. But when we asked them about it, all they said was, “we’re moving.”   Red, Hyde, Kelso, and Fez step down to the bar, and Bob crosses the room to join them.   BOB: “We?” As in both of ‘em?   KITTY: But only Eric’s things were gone?   JACKIE:  (nods) And then, when Eric and Steven went to get the Packers tickets, Donna asked me to help her with her hair. She was taking forever to dry it out, so I started going through her mail, and it turns out she has a passport.   BOB: A passport?   KITTY: Oh, my God.   RED: What the hell is going on with those two?   Everyone shifts on their feet as worry crosses their faces.   HYDE: This is an unsettling and awkward situation. It calls for beer.   He crosses the room and disappears into the kitchen.   The tension broken, Kelso, Fez, and Bob disperse into the party while Jackie goes behind the bar to sip her brandy. Kitty takes hers in hand, moves to Red’s side.   KITTY: (pained) Oh, Red.   RED: (embraces her) Look, Kitty, I know this all sounds bad. But Steven said Eric’s on his way, and I’m sure he’ll explain everything. And, if he doesn’t, I’ll make him. He knows I still can.   Kitty leans into his hug, wraps her arms around his waist. Her eyes flicker over to the coffee table, where the tray of snacks is now empty.   KITTY: (softly) Do you think you could get the other tray from the kitchen?   RED: Sure.   He kisses her forehead, lets her go. He crosses into...   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – NIGHT   ... And is greeted by the sight of Hyde standing at the open fridge, SCHATZI in his arms. Hyde is feeding Schatzi an uncooked hot dog when he looks up, sees Red.   HYDE: (beat) Schatzi’s upset about Forman and Donna too.   Red frowns, crosses his arms.   FADE TO BLACK   COMMERCIAL   BUMPER   MUSIC NOTE: “Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In” by The 5th Dimension.   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   The party goes on. Hyde, having shed his jacket, is now talking with W.B., Angie, and Leo on the stairs while petting Schatzi. Fez, his host parents, and Brooke chat by the organ. Red and Pastor Dave stand together near the kitchen door. Bob and most of the Kelso clan have the bar.   Kitty sits in Red’s chair, with Jackie (also sans jacket) and Kelso on the couch. They all have glasses of brandy, but Kitty is the farthest along on hers.   KITTY: Why? Why would my son do this? Why is he keeping so many secrets? Is he worried what we’ll think of him? Because mothers don’t judge – they love. And sometimes get very, very disappointed.   JACKIE: Okay, Mrs. Forman, I know all this stuff with Eric and Donna has upset you. But, on the bright side – Steven and I set a date for our wedding!   She produces invitations from her bag – large scrolls with sealed ribbons. She gives one each to Kitty and Kelso, who wastes no time opening his up.   KELSO: (reading) “Steven and Jaqueline Burkhart-Hyde cordially request the honor of your presence at the celebration of their union – March 21, 1980, St. James Cathedral, Chicago.” (to Jackie) Isn’t that, like, one of the biggest churches in the city?   JACKIE: Yep. That was the deal we made – a big, fancy wedding for me, a “special” honeymoon in Amsterdam for Steven.   KITTY: Well, honey, all honeymoons are special.   She doesn’t get it, and Jackie and Kelso don’t enlighten her.   KITTY (cont’d): Oh, this does sound lovely, Jackie. And of course, we’ll be there. And maybe, while we’re in Chicago, we’ll even get a chance to see you on TV again. We don’t get your show here in Wisconsin.   KELSO: Yeah, how’s that going, being entertainment anchor?   JACKIE: Michael, it’s me. I’m fabulous.   She looks up, a proud glint in her eye. Slow zoom in as we begin:   MONTAGE. Set to “Witchy Woman” by the Eagles.   A) ANCHOR DESK. The entertainment desk for Chicago’s WSNS station, with all the lights down except for a background light creating a silhouette of the anchor. As the lights rise and the camera tracks in, we see Jackie, with perfect hair and stylish suit. She is just a little too aware of the camera as she delivers her segment.   JACKIE: Good evening, Chicago. I’m Jackie Burkhart, and this is Jackie’s Corner.   B) ANCHOR DESK. Another day, another outfit. We join Jackie in the middle of a film review.   JACKIE (cont’d): Okay, so – my fiancé loves Monty Python, and their first movie is funny and all, but I have a question: what was with the coconuts? Could they not afford a horse? Newsflash, England – ladies want to see men on horseback. Even if they’re doughy, bad-teeth Englishmen.   C) ANCHOR DESK. Another day, another story, another outfit. Jackie’s still playing to the camera. Michael Jackson’s album OFF THE WALL is in her hands.   JACKIE (cont’d): Off the Wall: it’s hip, it’s hot, it’s flying off the shelves – but who thought a bow tie this big was a good idea?   She points at the tie of Jackson’s tuxedo on the album and shakes her head.   D) ANCHOR DESK. Another day, another story, another outfit. Jackie’s hair is a preview of the coming decade: the Whale Spout hairstyle, with some crimps for good measure. Jackie’s eyes roll up, as if she could see her hair that way.   JACKIE (cont’d): (scoffs) Like this will ever catch on.   E) ANCHOR DESK. Another day, another story, another outfit.   JACKIE (cont’d): So Star Trek gets a movie but Charlie’s Angels have to stay on the small screen?   She holds up two photos – an unflattering one of William Shatner, and a glam shot of Jaclyn Smith.   JACKIE (cont’d): Look at these pictures and tell me who’s going to move the most tickets.   F) ANCHOR DESK. Jackie is sitting on her desk this time, spread out across it. She is modelling the quintessential 1980s look – big hair, big shoulders, neon colors, and leg warmers. She looks down at those leg warmers, gives her right leg a shake, and looks into the camera.   JACKIE (cont’d): Call me crazy, but I think leg warmers might be here to stay.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   Back to the present, as Jackie gives a contended sigh and leans back into the couch.   A clearly unhappy Brooke and an apologetic Fez march to the couch and stand over Kelso.   BROOKE: Michael, Fez just let it slip that you two have been having crazy beer parties when you aren’t watching Betsy.   KELSO: Uh? Oh, no. Fez is just confused, since he’s foreign. See, in his language, “beer” means...   No lie comes to mind. Instead, Kelso slaps Fez hard in the hand. Fez slaps his face back. Kelso stands, and the two of them get into a rapid-fire slap fight.   Over by the kitchen door, Bob joins Red and Pastor Dave as Red pulls out his gift from Hyde and Eric.   BOB: (whistles) Season tickets? That’s nice.   Pastor Dave, trembling, lets out a high, girlish squeal of delight, one that cuts off as soon as he sees the way Red and Bob are looking at him.   RED: You know I can’t take you to a game if you do that, Dave.   Dave, contrite, nods and looks down at his feet.   On the stairs, Hyde shifts Schatzi under one arm so he can put the other around Leo.   HYDE: Leo, man, how’s Grooves?   LEO: Great, man. The Wall? Pink Floyd? It sounded awesome, man.   HYDE: No, Leo, I meant Grooves, the record store. (beat) That we hired you to run when I moved to Chicago.   LEO: I run a record store? Wow, I’m really moving up in the world.   ANGIE: (laughing) He’s actually been doing an okay job. We’ve only had one complaint about a hippy orgy.   HYDE: (nods) W.B., how’re things in Milwaukee, man?   W.B.: Are you kidding? It’s great! Having Angie there in the corporate office is the best decision I ever made. (Angie beams) See, right before I gave her that promotion, I got into this snooty country club. They didn’t think I’d be there much. But now that I’ve got Angie running things, I’m there all day, every day – with friends. And there’s nothing those brothers love more than making white people uncomfortable.   HYDE: Nice.   W.B.: And what about you, Steven? How’s business in Chicago?   HYDE: Flying.   He flashes a cheeky grin. Slow zoom in as we cut to:   MONTAGE. Set to the instrumental track of “Nobody’s Fault But Mine” covered by Led Zeppelin.   A) GROOVES, CHICAGO. THE CIRCLE. Hyde sits behind the counter, a diffuse cloud of smoke all around him. He coughs, waves some of the smoke away, and flashes a grin at the camera.   HYDE: Welcome to Grooves.   B) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. An unseen customer hands Hyde his choice of record from off-camera – SPIRITS HAVING FLOWN by the Bee Gees. Hyde looks up with utter contempt.   HYDE (cont’d): The Bee Gees? You know there’s a 20% tax on crap in this store, right?   C) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. An unseen customer hands Hyde his choice of record from off-camera – BACKLESS by Eric Clapton. Hye looks up and nods approvingly.   HYDE (cont’d): Nice. And you know there’s a 20% discount on rock n’ roll in this store, right?   D) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. This time, Hyde is busy with a lighter: he very casually sets a sleeve for ABBA’s VOULEZ-VOUS on fire.   E) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. Hyde leans back and tips a bag of potato chips. The entire bag showers down over his face, and some of them even make into his mouth. He happily munches down.   F) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another – particularly intense – Circle. Hyde leans in to speak to an unseen customer off-camera.   HYDE (cont’d): Hey, did you hear about that car that runs on water? It’s got a fiberglass, air-cooled engine, and it runs on water, man!   G) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. Hyde performs air guitar to the montage music.   H) JACKIE AND HYDE’S APARTMENT, clearly decorated by Jackie but currently filled with dim lighting and a smoky haze. (MUSIC NOTE: song cuts out.) Jackie and Hyde sit together, their heads leaned against each other and matching spaced-out smiles on their faces.   JACKIE: Baby, I think you’re late for work.   HYDE: I thought you were late for work.   They both sit up slightly, puzzling the answer.   JACKIE: Huh.   HYDE: Maybe we’re both late for work.   JACKIE: Or – is work late for us?   She wiggles her eyebrows, “think about it.” Hyde gives her a short stare, then leans down for a kiss. They fall out of frame as they make out as the montage music resumes for a final sting.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT   Back to the present. Jackie has joined Hyde, who has his arm around her shoulders. Leo, W.B., and Angie disperse into the party.   Red and Kitty cross to Jackie and Hyde.   KITTY: Steven, do you have any idea when Eric is coming? It’s almost midnight.   Bob, Kelso, and Fez join them.   BOB: And what about Donna? No one knows if she’s coming to this party?   A lot of shaking heads answer.   BOB (cont’d): Come on, I’m her dad. I deserve some answers. What’s going on with that passport? What’s going on with her and Eric?   KITTY: Red, I’m getting worried. There’s no reason they shouldn’t be here by now.   HYDE: You want us to go look for ‘em, Mrs. Forman?   KITTY: Oh, honey, would you?   KELSO: Yeah, that’s a good idea. (pulls out cop badge) Okay, everybody, line up! We’re turning this New Year’s party into a search party!   He draws focus from everyone in the party, but only for a second; most of the guests turn back to their conversations. Hyde, Jackie, and Fez disperse, searching for their coats, ignoring Kelso’s hand signals to form a line.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – NIGHT   A thick layer of snow covers the hedges and the yard, but the driveway is clear. The VISTA CRUISER, with suitcases packed and tied on top, slowly backs up into the driveway and parks. ERIC, bundled up for the cold, steps out. He gives a long look around his old home before climbing up on the hood of his car to sit back and look at the stars.   DONNA, also bundled up, and with red hair and a short haircut, comes up the driveway. A knapsack is slung over her shoulder. She taps Eric on the foot to get his attention.   DONNA: Hey.   ERIC: (sits up) Hey. You made it.   DONNA: (nods) Snuck the last of my stuff out of my dad’s house. I’m just here to say goodbye to everybody, then it’s off to the airport.   ERIC: Good. (sits back) You know, I still remember the night you first kissed me on the Vista Cruiser. It was warmer then.   DONNA: Yeah, well... a lot of things are different now.   ERIC: (softly) Yeah.   Donna climbs up next to Eric and sits back too. Overhead shot on the two of them slowly pulls out as we begin:   MONTAGE. Set to “Thirteen” by Big Star. A collection of moments Eric and Donna have shared over seven seasons. Included in the montage are:   A) The aforementioned first kiss.   B) Eric and Donna moving to hold hands over the scented candle of Eric’s 17th birthday.   C) Their dance at junior prom.   D) Cuddling in the back of Kelso’s van.   E) The “Fernando” dance.   F) Their wrestling greatest hits.   G) Shoving each other’s heads.   H) Eric’s proposal, and his slipping the engagement ring on Donna’s finger.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – NIGHT   Back to the present, and an extreme close-up on Eric and Donna’s intertwined hands. We see for the first time that Donna has a wedding band on her left ring finger. Slow zoom out as Eric and Donna turn in to face each other.   ERIC: So – how pissed do you think everyone’ll be when we tell them that you’re leaving tonight to study abroad in London, I’m working on moving my pilot program there so I can follow you next semester, and – just to put a cherry on this stupid sundae – we went and eloped right before Christmas?   DONNA: (laughs) Pretty pissed. I think Red might finally put his foot up your ass.   ERIC: You know, he actually did that once.   DONNA: Really?   ERIC: (nods) Iwo Jima. He doesn’t like to talk about it.   They laugh again, then scoot together and kiss. And kiss again. And keep kissing, so passionately that they fail to notice Hyde, Jackie, Kelso, and Fez standing by the patio door.   Donna finally opens her eyes, sees them. She sits up, alerting Eric, who flips around and sees all his scowling friends.   ERIC (cont’d): Oh – hey, guys!   They keep scowling.   ERIC (cont’d): So, um – how – how much of that did you hear?   They keep scowling.   ERIC (cont’d): Well, this is awkward. (beat) Boy, I wish there was some way to take the edge off all this.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT   THE CIRCLE. Eric and Donna sit together. Eric takes a deep breath.   ERIC: Edge, you are officially off.   DONNA: (to the gang) I’m really glad I got to see you all before I left for London. And I’m even happier that we didn’t trust any of you bozos with the fact we’re married.   Pan to Hyde, with Jackie in his lap.   JACKIE: Donna, I think it’s so romantic that you and Eric eloped. Plus, this way, there’s no chance your wedding can upstage mine. And you’re my maid of honor, so you’d better be back here for it!   Pan to Kelso.   KELSO: (to Eric, Donna) London, huh? Hey, Eric, you know what you should do when you get over there? You should find one of those guards with the big hats, and you should see if you can make him laugh. And Donna, you should have a camera, so you can take pictures when the guard starts beating Eric up. That way, I’ll laugh.   Pan to Fez.   FEZ: (to Eric, Donna) And while you’re there, you can spit on the palace from me. The British hate my country. That is why the Beatles can kiss my ass!   Pan to Kelso.   KELSO: You know, Fez, you’ve never told us what country you’re from. How about letting us know before the year’s over?   Pan to Fez.   FEZ: Isn’t it obvious? (scoffs) Fine. It’s –   Pan to Eric and Donna.   ERIC: Hold that thought, Fez. You know, guys – this might be the last Circle we ever have together.   Pan to Hyde and Jackie.   JACKIE: Aww... that’s kind of sad.   HYDE: It’s a time for reflection. Like on how many of our brain cells survived the ‘70s. Despite our best efforts, some of those bastards pulled through. But tonight – they’re going down.   Pan to Kelso.   KELSO: Way ahead of you, Hyde.   He pops open a can of beer and takes a chug.   Pan to Fez, who also has a beer.   FEZ:  Die, brain cells, die! And you’re next, liver.   He takes a sip.   Pan to Eric and Donna.   ERIC: It’s like – we always have to remember this moment.   Unnoticed by Eric or Donna, Red appears behind them.   Pan to Jackie and Hyde, in stunned shock.   Pan to Kelso, giggling silently.   Pan to Fez, in fear for his life.   Pan to Eric and Donna, confused.   DONNA: What?   Red bends down so that his head is over Eric’s shoulder, giving Eric and Donna a jump.   RED: (to Eric) UPSTAIRS! Your mother’s pouring the champagne for the countdown, and then you’re all gonna get it!   He storms off. Eric and Donna, stunned, share a look.   ERIC: We’re dead.   He and Donna break up laughing.   The Circle is broken. Everyone is laughing now. They all stand and make for the stairs.   ERIC (cont’d): Oh, hey, guys – last one upstairs has to call Red a dumbass!   The dare set, everyone breaks for the stairs. The girls, Fez, and Eric make it up safely, leaving Hyde and Kelso to wrestle it out. Hyde gets a good hold on Kelso and tosses him back before racing upstairs. Kelso recovers, looks around, realizes he’s lost.   KELSO: Aww, man!   He grabs the stupid helmet and starts a slow, reluctant, petulant march up the stairs as everyone in the party begins the countdown.   COUNTDOWN (v.o.): TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!   TITLE CARD   The THAT ‘70S SHOW license plate, now marked with a 1980 sticker.   FADE TO BLACK   END CREDTIS   INT. VISTA CRUISER – NIGHT   The gang, driving to the airport together in the Vista Cruiser. Eric drives, with Donna next to him and Hyde in the passenger’s seat with Jackie in his lap. Behind them is Donna’s knapsack, then Kelso, then Fez. They all sing along to the radio – “In the Street” by Big Star.   GANG: Past the street light Out past midnight...   JACKIE: Boy, we’re good!   FEZ: We’re really good!   Hyde seems skeptical of that claim, but he, and the rest of the gang, continue to jam to the music.   END.

***

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[timeagainreviews]

Twin Peaks s01e01 “Traces to Nowhere”

Happy New Year, and welcome back to Twin Peaks, friends. Before we dive further into the mystery of Laura Palmer, I would like to tell you about my friend Jason. Jason was a pal of mine in high school. We used to hang out, listen to music, watch TV, and smoke. He lived with his girlfriend at the time who was also my friend. This may sound sappy, but around these two, I genuinely felt like the best version of myself. I miss those days incredibly. Jason also happened to be the first person to ever introduce me to Twin Peaks. One night, he and a friend were watching the movie as I came over to buy a bag. On that day, I discovered what was to become my newest obsession, one of which would stick with me for the next eighteen years of my life. Sadly, Jason and I fell out of contact and we lost track of one another.

I mention this because I recently heard through a mutual friend that Jason died two years ago. I'll not go into the details, suffice it to say, it was too soon. I always wanted to track him down to say hello, and now I'll never get the chance. While my friendship with Jason was immensely rewarding, one of the most persistent things he left me with was a love for Twin Peaks. Much of my personal philosophy comes from Twin Peaks, and it continues to inform the person I am today. If it weren't for Jason, I wouldn't be me. Therefore, I would like to dedicate this article in his memory. To Jason Walton- My friend in the stars.

Thank you for allowing me that moment, friend. Now if you remember, we left off on kind of a spooky note. Through some sort of line of sight, Sarah Palmer was given a vision of a gloved hand retrieving James' half of the heart necklace from where he and Donna had buried it. Dale Cooper, after a long day of detection, has turned in for a night of sleep at the Great Northern hotel, which is exactly where today's episode begins.

I've read in the past that you can tell right away when David Lynch is directing, or in this case, when he isn't directing. This is not a complaint about director Duwayne Dunham's work, but there is a clear departure from the slow wave of emotions that permeates the pilot episode. However, the more straightforward procedural pacing works much to the episode's credit. Being written by David Lynch and Mark Frost, this episode is drenched in Twin Peaks tones and textures. I'd go as far as to say Dunham does a damn fine job following the hard act that is David Lynch.

We start with a pan across Cooper's hotel room. As I've done with my Doctor Who reviews, I found myself trying to see this scene as though it were my first time. You watch Twin Peaks for eighteen years, and you tend to forget just how strange the decor at the Great Northern truly is. Off-camera we can hear Agent Cooper talking to Diane through his recorder. As the camera searches across taxidermied deer hooves holding hunting riffles, and ornate nature paintings, we fall upon Cooper, hanging upside down by a pair of metal hooks around his ankles. It's never explained why he's doing this, but for some reason the late '80s and early '90s had a weird thing about hanging guys upside down as so form of exercise. Michael Keaton did it in Batman, Patrick Bateman had one, and even Dale Cooper. Perhaps it was quick way to indicate both athleticism and eccentricity.

Cooper, hanging about in his hot dad garters and boxers dismounts from his perch with an ease that is both impressive and sexy. Before ending his recording session with Diane, Cooper waxes philosophical about Marilyn Monroe and the Kennedys. In a way, this is Lynch and Frost drawing parallels between the deaths of both Monroe and Laura- two blonde women surrounded by powerful men and mystery. It's fitting when you consider that Lynch and Frost's first collaboration was in the form of a Marilyn Monroe biopic which never came into fruition. In many ways, the project laid some of the groundwork for what would become Twin Peaks.

Starting his day right with a balanced hotel breakfast, we're treated to yet another fascinating glimpse into Cooper's diet. As Sheriff Truman says later in the episode, he must have the metabolism of a bumblebee. Cooper orders a breakfast he refers to as "hard on the arteries," which is as hard as he wants his eggs. He wants his bacon super crispy- cremated. It may sound as though I'm exaggerating, but I've always loved watching Cooper order breakfast. He seems to revere food in a way not regularly seen on dramatic television. The morning coffee is more than one of the best, it's "damn fine." People have complained that the way people talk about food in Twin Peaks is weird. Sure, maybe in life creamed corn isn't an allegory to pain and suffering, but we've all been there when someone is having a similar reaction to the stuff. Food is personal, and it's a part of everyone's lives, why wouldn't characters talk about it?

Arriving at the tail end of Cooper's order is Audrey Horne, who has seemingly grown a good six or seven inches of hair overnight. Out of all of the mysteries in Twin Peaks, this was the least perplexing. Somewhere between filming the pilot and the first episode, Sherilyn Fenn grew her hair out, and it looks stunning. Everything about Audrey is stunning. Her eyebrows are stunning. That sweater is stunning. But at the moment, it is she who is stunned by Agent Cooper. Just as charmed by his eccentricities and his slicked black hair, she approaches Agent Cooper and asks to join him. Immediately Cooper sizes up that she finds him attractive, she's not exactly hiding it, and neither is he for that matter. For many fans, this is the moment the ship of Cooper and Audrey set sail. I personally always prefer the version where Cooper does the adult thing and doesn't date a high schooler.

After questioning Audrey, Cooper heads off to the Sheriff Station where they seem to still be having their breakfast as everyone he encounters has a mouthful of donuts. I'd also like to note the weird guy with a welding torch and ladder near the entrance. Twin Peaks is a lived in world filled with these people toiling away. Sheriff Harry Truman, mouth full of donuts, can't get a word in as Cooper flies into the room. After spelling out the itinerary, Cooper disappears to "urinate." This marks the first of many references to Dale Cooper's pee. Much like Tom Hanks, our favourite FBI agent is passionate about pissing. It's one of those life things, like food, that Twin Peaks likes to celebrate. Sometimes it's really nice to have a good piss, therefore sometimes Twin Peaks is about having a really good piss. I'm being completely earnest here.

Dr Hayward arrives to the sheriff station to report the findings of the post mortem. Unable to carry out the procedure himself, he outsourced the job to a nearby colleague. I've always admired the way Warren Frost plays this scene. His sadness seems to come and go in waves of realisation. There are the same echos from the pilot episode present here. From the report we learn that Laura died from a loss of blood from numerous shallow wounds. She had bite marks on her shoulders and marks on her arms from having been bound. She had also had sex with at least three men the night of her murder. The doctor also concludes that there is no doubt that Ronette was also present. As Dr Hayward relays this grizzly tale, his eyes wander to the photo of Laura. Pangs of sadness wash over his face as he questions who could do such a thing. He was the doctor present at her birth. She was his daughter's best friend. Laura was family to him.

On the other spectrum of family, we join the Johnsons at their incomplete home. Unable to just ask Shelly if she would do his laundry, Leo has to play mind games. He asks her if she did his laundry and chastises her as if catching her in a lie because his bag of nasty truck cabin clothes are still dirty. Eric Da Re is not a great actor, but there's something perfect about that. Leo is a big asshole that gaslights his wife, I don't expect much depth there. The only good thing I say about him is they got rid of his awful perm from the pilot. Even the way he pinches her cheek is controlling and unnatural. There's clearly no love between them, which is why when she discovers a blood-stained shirt in Leo's laundry she hides it. With Laura recently dead, and his behaviour as of late, this could be evidence. When he comes back later in a frenzy to find said shirt, he flies into a rage at its absence.

We're back at the Sheriff Station where we learn James Hurley owned the other half of Laura's necklace. As compared to Bobby's interrogation, James is Mr Manners. He answers all of Agent Cooper's questions with a quiet intensity. He admits to shooting the picnic video, and to owning the other half of the necklace, but not knowing who dug it up. He was also aware Laura was taking drugs but tried to get her to stop. On the night she died, James picked Laura up on his motorcycle. Acting strangely Laura disembarked from his bike, a disagreement ensued, Laura told James she loved him and disappeared into the woods. Cooper seems pleased with this information. We're then shown slow-motion picnic footage of Laura smiling at the camera. A somewhat cheesy "Help me," is played over the sound of wind and haunting music. It's a sort of fourth-wall-breaking that makes Twin Peaks feel as though not only the town, but the show itself is haunted by the late Laura Palmer.

Bobby and Mike, freshly arrested from their fistfight with Ed argue in their holding cells about the money they owe Leo Johnson. After being briefly questioned by Agent Cooper, they're both sent away with a warning not to harm James. James is also released into the custody of Big Ed, who confides that he believes the bartender, Jacques Renault,  slipped a Mickey in his drink. Ed wasn't just meeting Norma that night, he was also staking out Jacques' activities as a suspected drug dealer.

Speaking of Norma, we're given a brief but intense encounter at the general store between her and Nadine. At this point in the show, Nadine is completely bonkers. While I don't feel like she becomes any less touched in the head, we do begin to see more depth to her than just Ed's crazy wife. Wendie Robie is so good as Nadine, that Peggy Lipton only really need to react in kind as Nadine goes on about her drape runners. You can tell there's a quiet rivalry between the two women, both of whom resent one another for what they represent to one another. Norma is the woman Ed loves, and Nadine is the woman that stole him from Norma. When Nadine emphatically mentions the cotton balls that will make her drape runners completely silent, Norma can only stand as if in disbelief. It's the epitome of "weird flex, but ok." It doesn't help that all of this cotton ball talk is nestled into a conversation about Ed being in intensive care. Nadine exits as soon as she entered, leaving poor Norma looking confused and slightly violated.

Speaking of forbidden love, we're given a great scene between Donna Hayward and her mother, Eileen. We learn that despite her grief for Laura, and the guilt it makes her feel, Donna is finding herself loving James. Despite the nightmare that surrounds her, this love for James is like a beautiful dream. Eileen encourages her to invite James over for dinner, which she does. When watching James meet the Haywards I couldn't help but think of Eraserhead. In both, we get two entirely different, albeit very Lynchian "meet the parents," scenes. While James isn't asked to carve any manmade chickens, the awkward politeness permeates both scenes. There’s a sort of wholesomeness that borders on absurdity. Watching James make small talk in his big boy sweater is about the cutest damn thing that you almost forget how violent and terrifying Twin Peaks can be at times. This is something lifted straight out of the Waltons with it's cheesy Americana and good-natured sincerity. Of course, not everyone is as pleased about this new pairing as Mike and Bobby spot James' bike outside Donna's house.

Meanwhile, Dale and Harry find their way at the Martel residence to speak with Josie about her language classes with Laura. Through body language alone, Cooper deduces that the Sheriff and Josie are an item of sorts, as indicated at the end of the pilot episode. Pete is his usual charming self, offering up a cup of Joe to our boys. We're given another Cooperism as he asks for his coffee "black as midnight on a moonless night." That's pure poetry. We don't learn much from Josie here, other than the fact that Laura used to tutor her English and that she seemed distracted the last time they met. The biggest takeaway from the scene is that somehow Pete accidentally brewed a pot of coffee with a fish in the percolator. This is easily one of the most iconic scenes from the original series. Jack Nance was a treasure, and I will never not feel absolute delight when he comes rushing in just a touch too late- they've already tried the coffee.

Josie is called away for a phone call from the ice queen Catherine who informs her that shutting down the mill for the day cost the company more money than it was worth. After hanging up with Josie, we can see Catherine is in a strange motel, sipping champagne with Ben Horne. They're clearly working against Josie, but it's no secret that neither of them trust one another. Everyone is playing the double secret con, and it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. However, we do learn that the two are on again off again lovers. On the other side of town, Deputy Hawk follows up with Ronette's parents at the hospital. The Pulaskis don't have much information other than the fact that Ronette used to work the perfume counter at Horne's Department Store. As he is leaving, Hawk sees a suspicious one armed man skulking around the morgue. Following his gut instinct he starts tailing this mysterious figure through the dark halls of the hospital. Upon entering a room alight in a trippy dayglo black light, Hawk finds himself alone. Whoever this mystery man was, he disappeared into thin air.

A lot of this episode's theme seems to centre around the relationship between the parents and the high schoolers. Along with her conversation with her own mother, we get a scene between Donna and Sarah Palmer. Sarah, still sick with grief, seems genuinely pleased to see Donna until she sees Laura's face superimposed over Donna's. As she's pulling her closer she gets another vision, this time of a creepy grey-haired man sitting at the edge of Laura's bed. Sarah goes into full-on panic mode in a way only Grace Zabriskie is capable of delivering. Leland rushes in to whisk Donna away from the traumatic experience. In his own home, Bobby is getting a stern lecture from his father, Major Garland Briggs. The Major awkwardly tries to treat Bobby with some tough love, but ultimately misses the mark. Bobby's problems are bigger than anything his poor parents could fathom. The Hornes also experience a bit of domestic turmoil with Ben confronts Audrey about how her conversation with the Norwegians cost their family greatly. But unlike the Briggses, if Ben wanted to understand Audrey's rebellious nature, he only need look in the mirror.

Let's take a moment now to consider Laura Palmer. She was a troubled teenage girl with a drug habit, yes. Add to that being homecoming queen, in Spanish club, tutoring immigrants, caring for Audrey's special needs brother, and even heading Meals on Wheels for the elderly and shut-ins. It's the Meals on Wheels program that brings Cooper and Truman to the Double R Diner, where Laura used to work. We learn that Laura didn't just head the program, she created it. If any fictional characters were gunning for sainthood, Laura would be high on the list. It's easy to see why losing her has wounded the town so completely. The Log Lady approaches Cooper about Laura Palmer informing him that her log saw something the night Laura died. However, Cooper's reluctance to ask the log directly leads to her leaving before relaying the log's message.

Fresh off her shift from the Double R, Shelly returns home to Leo who has just put a bar of soap into a sock. He questions her about the bloody shirt, but she feigns ignorance. He tells her he's going to "teach," her about respecting people's property as he advances toward her with the sock swinging over his head. We can only look on hopelessly as the brutish Leo approaches a cowering Shelly. The scene graciously cuts away, as we know what comes next. The episode concludes in Dr Jacoby's bizarre Hawaii themed office (or maybe apartment, maybe both). Inside a fishtank sits three dried out puffer fish filled with blinking lights like paper lamps. After putting a tape into his stereo he dons a pair of giant headphones revealing a taped conversation from his former secret patient- Laura Palmer. He pulls coconut from a palm tree and settles in to listen to his tape. He opens up the coconut to reveal the other half of Laura's necklace. It appears that Dr Jacoby was the one following James and Donna into the woods.

The contents of the recording are revealing, not just about Laura, but also about Dr Jacoby. Laura's flirtatious nature indicates that we can add one more sexual partner to Laura's list. She mentions how James is sweet but too dumb to talk to her about her problems like Jacoby is capable of doing. But part of the brilliance in the scene is that you can also sense that Laura is acting for Dr Jacoby. Fulfilling the role of a young helpless girl who loves him, so that he may fulfil some role she needs. Whether it be a form of protection or just a soundboard for her problems, she had him wrapped around her finger. So what is this ritual of Jacoby's? Are these the actions of a killer reminiscing over the trophies of his hunt, or a man grieving the real, if not inappropriate relationship he had with a young girl? As the tape continues, we hear Laura talking about a man in a red car who can really light her "F-I-R-E." She continues to make a confession about a mystery man, but the audio drops out, leaving us only the doctor's perplexed face to clue us into what she said. The credits roll as we're left wondering.

Truth be told, I could have written this review without having to rewatch the episode. I try and rewatch Twin Peaks in its entirety at least once every one or two years. However, I am glad I did revisit this one as there are lots of little pieces of minutiae I may have overlooked. More than anything, I was curious to weigh Dunham's directing against David Lynch's, and I have to say, it's not bad. The tone is correct for the series and the emotions are played for real. It's always going to be different because the two directors are different people. But as certain episodes in season two prove, some directors begin to parody Lynch's style, adding weird for the sake of weird. But this early on, it is as though Twin Peaks is a juggernaut of unstoppable creativity. Even the duller storylines take on the energy of the greater mystery. Lynch only directed a handful of the original series episodes, which is why the next episode I'm reviewing is an especially exciting one. Not only is episode two (aka the third episode) directed by David Lynch, but it also begins to introduce some of the more metaphysical elements of the series. You could almost say that Lynch directs the most important episodes, and my god is this next one a doozy.

Well, friends, that's all from the world of Twin Peaks for now. I'll have the next review up soonish, but not before the new Doctor Who review. Speaking of which, it is now less than an hour until it airs! Who else is excited? What a great way to ring in the new year! See you all soon!

[witchofthewine]

18 and Life ch 2

AN: Okay so once again, no beta so please message me mistakes you come across! I try super hard to find them, but we all know it doesn’t work like that. It doesn’t help that I am also suffering bouts of “morning” (lies, it’s all day) sickness as I write. -__- Next chapter is pretty much done...and super dark so...have some fun times before then! 

Warnings: Underage drinking, use of pot, some cussing 

Later that afternoon, Hyde slowly awoke warm and comfortable.  Aimee was tangled in his arms, their legs twined together as she slept as though she had attempted to become a rather affectionate baby octopus. Becoming aware of an increasing problem, the older teen tried to shift a little without waking her up as he tried to shift his wayward thoughts back into line. Hyde couldn’t lie to himself; he was a red-blooded, young teenage male after all and to have a warm, well build body pressed against his was causing a rather uncomfortable situation below his belt. Reaching up to play with her hair once again, he mulled over his situation; on the one hand he knew he would never risk doing something with Aimee in fear of losing her, but on the other, it was hard to ignore the effect she had on him this close. Maybe it really was time to start trying to distance her from him, or at least keep her out of his bed before he did something stupid.

Before he could sort his thoughts out any longer, the shrill cry of the phone broke the peaceful silence wrapped around them, earning a plaintive groan from Aimee as she tried to bury her face in his shoulder. Realizing that it wasn’t going to shut the noise out, she gave a rather colorful burst of language as she tried to untangle herself from Hyde as he tried to keep his issue from being noticed. Once she found herself free, the girl half rolled half fell off the cot in order to stagger to her feet and stumble down the hall to the phone.

Snatching the offending object from its cradle, she sank to sit back to back with the couch. “Hello?” Her voice was thick with sleep as the word slipped out.

“Aimee, were you really still asleep? Come on, it’s already one in the afternoon!” The chipper voice of Jackie filled the receiver.

Hazel eyes watched as Hyde sauntered out of his room, pushing his signature sunglasses back up his nose. Reaching for a long-lost chip not far from her, Aimee playfully threw it at him as he drew closer. It earned her a snort and gentle kick of her foot as she answered, “we never set an alarm, so yeah I was asleep.”

“Can you be here in half an hour? I found the cutest shoes that I am dying to show you!”

Poking her head over the couch, Aimee laid a gentle hand on the warm shoulder beside her as her other hand covered the receiver. “She asked if I could be there in half an hour?”

Hyde glanced at his watch, doing a little mental calculation. “Can you ask her if forty-five is okay? I have to shower first.”

Nodding, Aimee sank back down onto the floor. “Hyde said he can do forty-five if that’s okay?”

“Perfect! I’ll meet you at the food court then. Oh, and let him know that the thing we talked about is already done.” With that, Jackie hung up. Giving the phone a rather confused look, Aimee rose to her feet to drop it back into its cradle.

“She said that’s fine but then added something really cryptic.”

Hyde stood up to wander to the freezer, digging out a popsicle before turning to lean on the appliance. “Oh?”

“Yeah, something about whatever the two of you talked about is already done?”

“I get it, and good, makes it easier.” Taking a bite of his popsicle, he smirked at the look on Aimee’s face. “It’s nothing bad Aims, I promise you that.” Finishing off half the cold treat, he meandered over to hand the rest to her. It was taken without question as the seated teen took a grateful bite. Climbing to her feet to trail after him, Aimee gave him a mild pout as she finished off the goodie.

“How come I can’t know what the big secret is?”

“Just gotta trust me.” He pulled a change of clothes out of his dresser as she leaned on the doorway watching him. “I washed the outfit you left last time you were here, but for some reason the shirt is missing.” Changing the topic, Hyde waved to the bottom drawer of the dresser for her to open. In it was spare clothes she had started keeping there not long after he had moved into the basement room, along with other items she knew she would eventually need; from toiletries all the way to a dwindling bottle of her favorite perfume.

“I think that’s because it was the one that got ripped by mistake while we were all out at the water tower. Crap! I guess that I’ll just have to make do with smelling like a day-old frat house.” Biting her lip, she tugged out the rest of her outfit to change into.

Shaking his head, Hyde nudged her out of the way to close the drawer. Opening the one right above it, he pulled out a t-shirt and tossed it into her face. “You do anything to that shirt, and I will run you over no questions asked.” He warned, walking out to head to the shower.

Aimee caught the shirt before it could hit the floor, a stunned look on her face. Holding it out to get a better look at it, she nearly dropped it anyway. Grinning broadly, she rushed out of the room and up the steps to catch him walking through the living room on his way to the shower he shared with Eric. Tackling him in a hug from behind, she buried her face in his back.

“I promise I’ll take very good care of it.”

‘Whatever, now let go so I can get ready.” Shaking her off, he kept trekking up the stairs as Aimee turned to head back down to his room to get cleaned up herself. Once he was sure that she was heading back down to the basement he scrubbed a hand over his face. Was he being too obvious? Everyone had known when he had been crushing hard on Donna a couple of years back, if he wasn’t careful, they would figure him out with Aimee and then what would he do? Heaving a deep sigh, he turned to focus on the task of getting ready for work.

Back in the basement, Aimee finished getting cleaned up and changed, smiling softly as she brushed her hair. The shirt was a fair bit too big, one shoulder slouched off as it hung down to the tops of her thighs. It was one of his Zeppelin shirts, the fabric worn and soft from how much he wore it. She knew it meant a lot to him and knew she would do all she could to take good care of it.

Once she was satisfied with how she looked, she tugged on her old worn out boots with a slight frown. They wouldn’t last much longer and try as she might no one wanted to hire a young teen that wasn’t really job age. Her options were getting slimmer than a waning moon, ready to go dark sooner than get better. Drawing her bottom lip between her teeth to worry it softly, she kicked her feet slightly as she waited for the tell-tale sounds of Hyde coming back to the basement.

She glanced up at him, smiling as he sat to tug his own shoes on. “You can clean up.” The smile turned into a broad grin as he snorted, glancing up at her.

“I could say the same for you.” Good God he knew he should have taken care of his problem up in the shower as he took in the sight of her in his t-shirt. Aimee quirked an eyebrow at him as she offered him his wallet and keys.

“Problems?”

“None you need to worry about.” Standing, he accepted them from her before tucking the wallet in his back pocket. “Ready to go?”

“I’d rather be back in bed.” Quietly grousing half under her breath, she shrugged. “The mall is overrated anyway.”

“How about this, if you don’t kick up too much of a fuss when we get there and Jackie gives you her surprise, I’ll buy you some nachos. Deal?”

“Why aren’t you telling me what’s going on? That’s not really fair now is it?”

“No can-do Aims, besides whoever said that I was fair?” Leading her up the basement steps to his car, he unlocked her door to let her slide in. Huffing, she crossed her arms as she sat back against her seat as she mulled his offer over. Reaching out, she snapped on the radio to fill the car as he drove, singing softly along with the song. “Come on now, don’t get all bulled up on me now. I can assure you that it isn’t anything bad.” Reaching out, he tugged on a lock of her hair gently.

“I trust you Steven.”

“Good. Then please don’t make a scene once we get inside.”

Poking her tongue out at him, only to get a scoff in return, she climbed out and waited for him to join her. Looking around to gauge how busy the mall was going to be, she was a little relieved to see it wasn’t too crowed. “Are you going to be sticking around for a while?”

“Until I have to head to work. What about the two of you? Are you going to head back to Forman’s tonight?”

“I’m not sure, it really depends on how much trouble I’d like to get into with The Bastard for avoiding the house another night. More than likely, I’ll stop by my house before heading back over. How late are you guys going to be at work?”

“Depends on the night and how busy we are. We got out early last night, but tonight we could be there until late. Don’t try anything stupid Aims, if you need to go home then go home to avoid any issues.”

“Whatever mom.” Rolling her eyes, she climbed the stairs up to food court.

“Look, we both know that he can be a total dick if you do anything no matter what it is. Just try not to get in trouble or hurt.”

“Okay, okay.” Heading in, she turned to face him. “I believe you promised me some nachos.” Beaming at him, she batted her eyelashes in a joking manner.

“Go find Jackie while I get them, I can find the two of you after.” Shaking his head, the older teen walked towards one of the food stands as Aimee began the search once more. Spotting her friend, she jogged over to the other girl.

“We didn’t make you wait long did we?” Aimee asked, slightly worried as she took in the small, empty food basket.

“No, you really didn’t. I ended up coming here a little earlier than planned to eat. Is Steven here then?”

“Yeah, he’s grabbing us something to eat. So, spill it Jackie, what are you two up to?” Arms crossing over her chest, Aimee watched her friend closely.

“Look, Steven and I have been talking this week and we came to an agreement to get you something.” Reaching under the table smiling cheerfully, the dark-haired teen whipped out a shoe box. “Tada! He chipped in to help me buy you some new boots!”

“Jackie! I…why did you guys do this?” Aimee couldn’t help but stare at the new boots that rested in their box. They were almost identical to the ones she wore at that moment, only obviously not falling to pieces as they rested there. “You guys shouldn’t be worrying about me like this. It’s too much.” Stammering out an attempt at a polite refusal, she jumped a bit as a tray was placed in front of her.

Jackie waved her hand as if to bat away the words. “Oh please, we wanted to do this for you. Besides the two of us agreed that you needed them badly. So just take them! No strings attached Aims; we want to do this for you.” She assured, taking her hand as Hyde took a bite of his burger.

Aimee swallowed hard, biting her lip. “You guys, I don’t really know how to thank you both. These are perfect. How did you know what size I needed though?”

Hyde shrugged. “Wasn’t hard to check the other night when you dropped by. After you went to sleep I just checked the tags on the inside for Jackie. She did the rest of the work.” He muttered, acting like it was nothing.

“He also made sure that I didn’t get too carried away. You would have looked awesome in a pair of brown clogs too! But Steven had a fair point that you hardly every wear anything but boots so I stuck with these. Do you really like them though?”

“Guys I love them! I really do. Thank you!” Reaching to tug them out of the box, Aimee forced herself to calm down as she changed shoes to the new ones. Satisfied she wasn’t going to say or do anything else; Hyde shoved her tray closer.

“Nachos, as promised. Jackie, I hope you don’t mind I didn’t try and buy you anything.”

“No, I was too excited to be here, so I ate before you guys got her. I was starving anyway.” Leaning across the table as she spoke, she did steal one of his fries with a bright smile. Aimee watched them quietly, eating her own lunch as she did. Her friends chatted idly about the party the night before, Jackie occasionally stealing more fries, once or twice even risking a nacho out of her basket as well.

Once their baskets were empty, Hyde rose before either of the girls could and took their trays to dump them. Aimee shifted her weight a little, testing out the feel of her new boots. “Are they the right size?” Jackie asked a little worried.

“They are perfect! Thank you again.”

“You can pay me back by telling me how cute I look in any outfit I try on today. Oh! Oh! And you can rate me from cute, to cuter, to cutest!”

Aimee laughed, shaking her head before she gave a light shrug. “Sounds fair enough. Steven, are you really going to clothes shop with us?” She teased, knowing his reaction.

“Not a chance man. Clothes shopping is just a way the man controls you and I’d rather not spend any more time around here. Besides, I need to head out anyway, but Jackie, can I talk to you alone?”

“Sure. Aimee, why don’t you go toss these nasty old hobo shoes?” Passing her the box to toss, she shooed her away.

Unsure why she felt a little left out, Aimee did as she was told while her friends spoke quietly to each other. Trying not to be rude, she hung back and watched the people milling around her instead of blatantly staring at them. She didn’t have to wait long as Jackie appeared at her side, smiling brightly as she linked their arms.

“What has you looking like the cat who got the cream?” Aimee questioned, feeling a little unnerved.

“Oh, nothing. He just asked me to help with one last thing is all.”

“Oh.” Why couldn’t she have helped him instead? Trying to push away the jealously that rose up, she knew there was no point in getting upset in the least bit. “Can I help too?”

“He told me that if I tell you it may push you into one of your famous rants. But since he isn’t here for you to yell at, I’m going to risk it. No one yells at pretty girls like me anyway so I guess I can anyway. Steven said that you needed a couple of shirts so he gave me a little cash to buy some for you; but don’t worry I know I can’t get you anything to actually make you look like a real girl. You and Donna have this thing about looking like a bunch of boys.”

Aimee’s jaw dropped as Jackie spoke, half stunned at the words. “Are you freaking serious?! Jackie, I don’t need you guys to buy me clothes!”

“Whatever Aimee, he knows you better than you know yourself; on top of the fact if you didn’t need shirts you wouldn’t be wearing one of his.” Jackie countered, smirking as she crossed her arms across her chest. “So give it up Aims, you’re going to pick some out or I will and I swear I’ll pick something with the cutest unicorn on it that I can find.”

Blanching at the threat, Aimee gave in just to avoid the risk of ending up in something hideously pink and covered in some sort of horse creature. “You win! You win. Come on, let’s just get this over with.” Relinking their arms, the two sauntered off to the nearest store.

“So, come on spill it Aims, what’s the deal with you and Steven?”

Aimee laughed, rolling her eyes, “what do you mean “what’s the deal” with the guy who looks at me like his kid sister?”

“Whatever, you know that’s not true!”

“Are you kidding me? I should be asking you what the deal is between the two of you!”

“He’s poor, not my type. Yeah, he can be sweet when he wants to be, especially around you, but for the most part he’s an ass. Definitely not happening.”

“Didn’t seem like not happening earlier! You two were awfully close back there, and all the little secrets you’ve been keeping? Come on Jackie, you can’t tell me you haven’t been at least curious of how he kisses, or more!” Aimee leveled her a flat look as she held out a shirt to try on and get an opinion of.

Jackie moved to it, taking it and looking it over before giving a huff but a nod of approval. “Like you haven’t? Okay, I’ll give you that much; I’m pretty sure all of us girls around him have wondered at least once or twice what it would be like to be kissed by him, or, as you so eloquently put it, “or more” because he has something about him. But we all know he won’t ever go for any of us, he’s into older, whore-type women who we all know are far from how any of us act.” A different, dark charcoal shirt was selected off the rack. “I’m just glad you finally admit you want to give that a try.”

“Jackie! He isn’t an amusement park ride!”

“Some days he acts like it!” The two dissolved into laughter as Aimee held onto the clothing rack for support. “You have to admit it; he is a typical teenager! If it had teeth, tits and toes he’s chasing it!” Laughing harder, Jackie gave Aimee a gentle push as she calmed down. “Aimee, it’s clear you are crushing on him hard, even Donna has caught you acting like a puppy around him. We’re worried about you, really. What if something happens and he just hits it and quits it? You deserve real love, Aims, not someone who has a rather,” Jackie searched for the word she needed, “colorful shall we say, history.”

Aimee’s laughter died in her throat before she looked away, picking at the bottom hem of the shirt she wore. “He wouldn’t ever look at me like that anyway Jackie, I already told you I’m pretty much his adorable, annoying little sister. That’s how all of you see me, anyway, isn’t it?”

“Nope, I see you as my living Barbie.” The words were painted heavily with sarcasm to the point they felt closer to a physical slap in the face.

“Sorry, I’m sorry! It’s just no matter how I look at it that’s what I’m afraid of. Jackie, you and Steven are my best friends, and while it took a while for me to accept you because of everything I do have that fear.” Her words received a scoff. “No! I’m serious; look at it this way then for me, okay? A pretty, very popular cheerleader and the girl from the wrong side of the tracks? We aren’t exactly a greeting card, now are we? It sounds more like the plot of one of your crappy romance novels, which, no thank you, but it doesn’t sound like we would be best friends.”

“I’ll will give you that, but who cares really? We get along, we have been through some rough times together and I know I can count on you. Do you really think that even one of those cheerleaders were really caring when I was going through a breakup with Michael? No, they didn’t. It was you, Donna, and Steven who helped me. So, what if we aren’t what people expect? You’re my friend and that’s that.” Snagging another t-shirt off a rack, Jackie tossed it to her.

“Okay, okay. No more chick flick moments please. I get it.” A cheeky grin was tossed to the dark-haired girl over a shoulder while Aimee headed to the changing room. Jackie couldn’t help a giggle, trailing after her friend to help rule out what would and wouldn’t be a good top.

The two passed the rest of the afternoon laughing, joking and with plenty more teasing thrown in. By the time they reached the basement that evening, they were loaded with shopping back, cheeks pink from the excitement.

“Look at you two! Seems like you’ve had a good day, considering I thought Aimee would still be trying to die somewhere after last night.” Donna joked, waving from her position on the couch. Fez gave a dazzling smile as he rose to take the bags from the girls, setting them in a corner as they took their seats. Aimee snagged Hyde’s favorite chair as Jackie settled next to Donna.

“I finally managed to convince Aims that she’s really a girl and not some lost hobo. Got her some boots and shirts and look at her! Good as new.” Jackie beamed, dodging the twinkie wrapper thrown at her.

“She doesn’t look much out of the normal, bra burning wild thing I saw last night.” Donna teased, a mischievous smirk on her face. “In fact, I think you two just got lost in Hyde’s closet, and that doesn’t really count as shopping.”

Laughing, Aimee leaned over to snatch Donna’s soda and take a deep drink. “If I remember, very fuzzily, you were burning your bra right along with me! Actually, no, you were the one who convinced me to do it in the first place when you lit yours!” She laughed, giving her a mock glare. “At this rate, I’m not going to have any bras left because of you.”

“I’d share, but I’m running low on my own.” Donna countered, laughing as Fez sat almost enraptured by the conversation.

“On another note! I take it Eric is working tonight too?” Jackie asked, propping her feet up on the table in front of her.

“Yeah, but he said he will try to make it an early night, Hyde too. Both looked a little worse for wear but nothing really terrible so more than likely they will be home sooner than later. You know their boss won’t make them do anything they don’t want to.”

Aimee gave a rather dangerous smirk as she stood up. “Well, while the cats are away, why don’t the mice play?” Giggling, she darted down the hall to Hyde’s room to dig out the small brown bag that he had stashed away a few days before. Tucking the money that was left over from his clothing insistence in its place, Aimee grabbed a lighter off the dresser. Making her way back out to the rest of the group she held it up triumphantly. “Tada! It’s not much left from when we first got it, but share and share alike, right?”

Cheers went up as everyone quickly made the circle, Donna lighting the incense as Fez broke out his stash of candy to share with them. It wasn’t something he did all the time, but when it was just “the ladies” as he put it, he was always willing to share.

“It’s a lot stronger than normal, so watch it. Steven was laughing so hard at the weather channel the other day on this he almost cried. I pretty much tripped out thinking he was turning into the Kool-Aid man…don’t ask because I really can’t remember why.”

The group laughed as they settled in, passing around the goodies so everyone got some of everything. Within an hour, Donna was red faced with laughter as Fez tried to break out his “best” dance moves to the Creedence Clearwater Revival record Jackie had put on. Aimee had stolen a pair of Hyde’s spare sunglasses, mimicking him as Jackie gasped for breath from laughter.

Suddenly, Donna sat up quickly. “Dude, you guys I really need some mac n cheese! Think we can make some without getting caught?”

Aimee half fell off her chair laughing before crawling over to the table to pull herself up. “I don’t think anyone is home so we should. Unless we burn the house down.” Why was that idea so hilarious?

Jumping to her feet, the red head grabbed her friends’ hands. “Then let’s get some! It can’t be that hard!”

“Oh yes, the mac n cheese, one of the best cheesy inventions.” Fez mused, bobbling his head in The Stupid Helmet as he spoke. The girls erupted into louder laughter as Donna guided them up the stairs to raid the kitchen.

Within minutes the kitchen had become a land of laughter and chaos, Fez having found the cereal while Aimee stole a beer from the fridge.

“I thought you said you were never going to drink again after last night Bra Burner?” Jackie shouted, trying to steal the can away from her.

“What I can’t remember doesn’t count! So, shove off Midgetty Bitch! Get your own beer.” The two collapsed against each other laughing as Donna began complaining that her water wouldn’t boil.

“You have to turn the stove on.” A voice by the door deadpanned. The whole room half screamed as they wheeled to face the intruder. Aimee took a tumble off the counter as she misjudged the force of her turn, breaking out into renewed laughter with Jackie as the older teen tried to pull her up. Amusement was plain on Hyde’s face as the two managed to lean on one another to steady themselves.

“Ohhh, man your right!” Donna laughed herself silent for a moment. “I forgot to turn the stove on!” Trying to light it, she nearly burned her eyebrows off as Fez tried to “help” and got overzealous with the knobs.

Eric dodged quickly around Hyde to help his girlfriend before something bad happened to her. Walking over to where the two girls were half wrapped around one another, Hyde rose an eyebrow before he took a drink from the forgotten can on the counter. “Hey! Man, that’s mine!” Aimee pouted as she tried to grab it back. He held it easily out of reach with a broad smirk.

“Not tonight, you’re already messed up enough.” The pout that crossed the face below his almost made him give in. “Are those my sunglasses?”

“Um, no?”

He snorted, shaking his head. “Get some food in you, I’ll make everyone some coffee.” Guiding her to a chair, he made sure that Eric oversaw cooking before the rest were sent to sit in at the safety of the table. Heading back to start a pot of coffee, it was hard not to keep glancing back over to where Aimee was slowly calming down; his shirt still hung off a shoulder, and in his shades,  it was almost impossible for him to focus on the task at hand. All he really wanted to do was carry her down the steps for some time alone in his room.

It took almost another full hour before they were all calmer than, only the occasional fit of giggles breaking out as they sipped coffee after finishing the supper Eric had thrown together for them. It was clear they were all still rather baked, but not nearly as bad as what the two sober ones had come back to.

Aimee was leaning heavily on Hyde’s shoulder, half dozing off as the rest talked in lower voices of how their day had gone, what had happened. He kept an arm around her waist, lying to himself it was to be sure she wouldn’t pass out and fall from the chair. Watching them, Jackie got a rather devious gleam to her eye before she laughed a little.

“You two are just so adorable together! Steven, when are you ever going to put the poor girl out of her misery and just kiss her already?”

Aimee jerked up as though burned, cheeks coloring as she leveled a dark look towards Jackie. “What?”

“Oh, come on Aims! Didn’t we already have this conversation earlier today? Every one of us have admitting to wanting to know what it’s like!” Jackie giggled as she leaned back in her chair, wiggling her eyebrows at Hyde as he tried to keep the outward appearance of calm and collected.

“You guys were talking about me?”

Before Aimee could say anything, Jackie sat forward, resting her elbows on the table. “Yeah, I mean, obviously nothing bad, so don’t get all up in arms. Just how every single one of us girls have admitted that we are more than a little curious as to how you kiss…among other things. So, why don’t you let us know? You’re the most experienced out of all of us.” She winked at him as she spoke, Donna turning as red as her hair as she let out a burst of laughter.

“Don’t throw me under the bus too! I only said that before I started dating Eric!” She waved her hands in front of her as if to keep something away from her face.

“Yeah, right Donna! You know you still want to!” Jackie countered.

“Um, guys…I hate to break this fun little conversation up,” Eric interrupted, “but has no one noticed Aimee just took off downstairs?”

Everyone sat up quickly, Hyde on his feet and heading after her before the rest even had time to push their chairs back.

“Aimee?” Reaching the basement, he glanced around. Where the hell had she vanished to so quickly? He didn’t have to wonder long as she walked out of his bedroom tugging one of her new shirts into place, no longer wearing his sunglasses.

“I need to go.”

“What? Aimee, Jackie was just talking, that’s all.”

“No, Steven, what she blabbed up there was something I thought I could trust her with. Look, I just, I don’t even know. I need to go home I guess.”

“I think you need to stay, it’s already late and I don’t want you walking home alone.”

“I’m a big girl, I’ve walked home alone.”

“So, you’re just going to pretend like that conversation never happened?”

“What does it matter?! I’m embarrassed, you clearly-” she was cut off as he strode across the room to grab her in his arms. What she thought was going to be a hard kiss turned soft as he lifted her chin to press his lips to hers. Stunned, Aimee stood there a split second before returning it, feeling his hands slip to her waist as hers moved to bury in his hair.

A wolf whistle split the air, causing her to jerk away from him as though burned. Hyde turned to glare at where the others were all grinning on the steps. Just as he turned to face Aimee again, he only caught sight of her sprinting out the door. “Damn it guys! Did you really have to do that?” He snapped, walking over to throw himself down in his chair.

“Don’t worry, she will be back tomorrow, we all know that.” Donna tried to assure him, taking a seat on the couch. “We were just happy the two of you finally came to your senses is all. Sorry if we did something wrong.”

Torn between staying to talk to his friends, and chasing after Aimee, Hyde gave up knowing she was long gone by that point. Shrugging, he looked to Jackie. “No one else gets to settle their curiosity tonight, understood?”

She rolled her eyes with a smile but nodded. “So, how was it?”

“I’m not about to tell you. Find a new topic.”

[zdbztumble]

“Ice Shack” - J/H

Figured I’d try fleshing this out into a full story. To give myself some grounding, I decided to treat this as an alternate take on Episode 3x10, “Ice Shack,” except moved up one slot to be immediately after 3x08, “Jackie Bags Hyde.” From there, the domino effect would cascade through the remainder of the series, though I can’t say I’m likely to do much more than this. If anyone likes what they read here and feels like running with this continuity, I’ve no objections.

SHOW TITLE

INT. FOREMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT

The gang, sans Jackie, has just finished a round of poker. KELSO and FEZ exit out the basement door, glum looks on their faces, while a very self-satisfied HYDE leans back in his chair, counting out his winnings. On the couch, ERIC and DONNA watch Hyde and trade whispers with one another.

HYDE: (laughing) Man, you guys gotta learn to spot a bluff.

DONNA: I can’t believe you faked us all out with two pair. How did you make that look good?

HYDE: Zen, baby. Zen.

He rises, gathers his coat, and makes for the door.

HYDE (cont’d): Alright, I’ll see you later.

Donna nudges Eric lightly. He nods and looks up to face Hyde.

ERIC: And just where do you think you’re going, young man?

HYDE: (beat) Home?

ERIC: Yes...you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Just waltz out that door, head back to your apartment, and sit around with your poker winnings and your alcoholic dad, never thinking about the consequences of your actions. You know, we’ve been down this road with you before, mister.

HYDE: (beat) Foreman, if you don’t tell me what this is about, I’m gonna kick your ass.

ERIC: You just plant your ass back in your chair, because we have something we need to talk to you about! Don’t we, honey?

Donna nods. Hyde shrugs and heads back to his chair. Eric and Donna inch across the couch to get closer to him, and Donna reaches a hand out and places it on Hyde’s knee.

DONNA: OK, Hyde...is there anything you want to tell us about your date with Jackie on Veteran’s Day?

HYDE: (beat) OK, bye-bye.

He stands again, but Eric and Donna stand too, and push him back into his chair.

ERIC: No, no, no! You don’t get to do that, pal.

HYDE: Whatever, man. So we went on a date. So?

DONNA: ‘So?’ Hyde, she stalked you for weeks, you told her to ‘die away from you,’ then you decked that guy at the barbeque, took her out, and neither of you have said anything about it.

HYDE: (shrugs) Nothing to say.

ERIC: Yeah, see, you I expect that from, but the cheerleader? You went with her to the mall out of pity and she wouldn’t shut up about it until halfway through the third film in my Godzilla marathon.

DONNA: Hyde, we just...you know. If anything happened...

HYDE: Nothing happened. (They stare) Nothing happened. I got us some pizza, we sat around, nobody talked...throw in a stash and a guy pissed off his film turned out blank and I might as well have been hanging out with Leo.

DONNA: Huh. So...that’s it? It was a dud date, and it’s all over?

HYDE: Yeah. I mean...yeah. Well...yeah.

ERIC: (beat) Hyde...

HYDE: What? I’m telling you, it’s over. She said she didn’t feel anything, so - that’s that.

DONNA: Wait - she said she didn’t feel anything?

HYDE: Whatever.

DONNA: But what about you?

Donna and Eric both break into matching grins. Hyde shifts in his chair.

HYDE: (beat) Oh, no. You got it all wrong, man.

ERIC: Oh, I don’t think so, Hyde.

HYDE: No, I - so she thought the kiss was -

DONNA: Oh my god, you kissed?

ERIC: The horror!

Donna and Eric gape at Hyde, who jumps to his feet.

HYDE: Hey - listen to me! I do not like Jackie! I can’t like Jackie! I only took her on that stupid date to shut her up about all this fantasy hero-worship crap she’s been on! So we kissed, and she felt nothing, and she hasn’t said anything and - and I don’t care! It’s cool! It’s - it’s totally cool.

ERIC: Oh...well... (reaches out to take Hyde’s hand) It’s OK, Hyde. I know your poor orphan heart’s breaking now, but you’ll find true love some day.

Hyde yanks his hand free and storms out of the basement, while Eric and Donna fall against each other, laughing.

MAIN CREDITS

BUMPER

INT. FOREMAN BASEMENT - DAY

The next morning. Hyde sits in his chair eating oatmeal. Eric and Donna, dressed for winter, sit on the couch. They stare at Hyde and grin. As Hyde raises a spoonful toward his mouth, he stops, but doesn’t turn to face Eric and Donna. They don’t stop staring. Hyde resumes eating, but pauses again with the next spoonful. Eric and Donna keep grinning at him. Hyde finishes his bite, but when they still won’t stop, he shoves his spoon into his oatmeal and turns to face them.

HYDE: This is going in both your faces if you don’t knock it off. I swear to God.

DONNA: I can’t believe it. Tough, trouble-making Steven Hyde - no ties, no girlfriends - falls in love with Jackie Burkhart.

She cracks up as she says the name, and she and Eric lean their heads against each other as they laugh.

HYDE: I don’t “love” anyone. If I wanted to date Jackie, my interest would be strictly academic.

ERIC: Academic?

HYDE: Yeah, man. Think of it like an experiment. See, Jackie comes from money. Corrupt, Republican, corporate stooge money. She comes from the Man. Now, I’ve already taught Jackie zen. If I bring her into the full world of experience offered by sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll, then I’m turning the Man’s own child against him. 

Eric and Donna stare skeptically.

HYDE (cont’d): See? It’s like, I’m the virus, and Jackie’s patient zero. Through her, I corrupt the system from the inside. That’s how you bring on the revolution, man!

ERIC: Your lips mouthed some conspiracy mumbo-jumbo, but all my ears heard was “I wish she were mine.”

Donna starts laughing again. Hyde flings some oatmeal Eric’s way, and he dodges it.

ERIC: I dunno, Donna. Someone might have beat us to the draw on the bedroom this weekend. We might have to settle for the back of the van.

DONNA: Oh...as long as I’m with you, Eric.

ERIC: That’s my girl.

They cuddle.

HYDE: What are you talking about?

ERIC: You know - the cabin.

HYDE: What cabin?

DONNA: The trip to Kelso’s uncle’s cabin. Didn’t he tell you? We’re leaving any minute.

A horn honks off-screen. The three share looks and head upstairs.

CUT TO:

EXT. FOREMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY

It is a cold, snowy day, and KELSO is standing in front of his van, parked with its back facing the road. He paces and rubs his hands together. Hyde, Eric, and Donna come outside through the kitchen.

KELSO: Hey. So, you guys ready to go?

HYDE: Kelso, man, what the hell? You didn’t tell me about this trip?

Kelso looks as if he just noticed Hyde was there.

KELSO: Oh. I’m sorry, Hyde. I forgot.

HYDE: Well, as long as there’s beer, I’ll forgive you. (claps Kelso’s shoulder) Let’s get going.

KELSO: Wait, Hyde. You can’t come.

HYDE: Why not?

KELSO: Because! Because...

He steps around Hyde to reach Eric and Donna.

KELSO (cont’d): OK, I might as well let you in on my master plan here. See, what this whole trip is about is a romantic double date, with you two, me, and Jackie.

ERIC: OK, see, Kelso - double dates usually work better when the second couple are actually dating.

KELSO: So, it’s a secret double date. I told Jackie the whole gang was coming, but I didn’t invite Hyde or Fez. (to Hyde) No offense.

DONNA: (beat) I’m out.

She and Eric both turn to head back inside, but Kelso moves to block their way.

KELSO: No, I need you guys! Look - I wanna win Jackie back. I love her, I miss her...and I’ve been getting, like, nothing from Laurie lately.

Donna rolls her eyes, Eric grins, and Hyde fumes. Kelso ignores them all.

KELSO (cont’d): I wanna show her that I’ve changed. That I’m not the lying, cheating guy I was when we dated the first time. Or the second.

HYDE: By tricking her into a double date when you haven’t even broken it off with Laurie yet?

KELSO: Exactly! And, Eric and Donna, you guys are, like, the perfect couple, so if you’re there, I can just copy all the sissy, loser things that Eric does, and I’m gold!

ERIC: I mean - he asks so nicely, how could we refuse?

DONNA: Kelso, I am not doing this!

KELSO: Oh, come on! You guys get a romantic weekend out of it, and I’ll have tons of beer! We won’t even need a refrigerator 'cause it’s so freaking cold! (crosses to Hyde) Oh, but I need to grab the beer and gas on the way, so...I kinda need it back.

He holds out his hand.

HYDE: You need what back?

KELSO: You know...my money.

HYDE: What money?

KELSO: My money from the poker game last night.

HYDE: Kelso, that’s my money.

KELSO: No, it’s mine! I brought it!

HYDE: And you lost it!

KELSO: Well, since when does losing it to you in a poker game make it your money?

Hyde stares, and Eric and Donna roll their eyes.

HYDE: OK - fine, Kelso. I’ll pay for this trip - with my money - on one condition: I come too.

KELSO: What? No, Hyde! That throws off my whole plan!

HYDE: Then you’re not getting my money.

KELSO: Well, what do you want to come for anyway?

ERIC: Yes, Hyde - what do you want to come for?

HYDE: (beat) Kelso, all your master plans are stupid and blow up in your face. I could spend my poker winnings on beer, movies, and nudie mags, but those are there every weekend. Watching you crash and burn - that’s something special, man. And I don’t wanna miss it.

KELSO: (beat) Alright, you’re in. But we’re not bringing Fez! He’s all over Jackie right now, and I don’t need him trying to sabotage me.

ERIC: Yes, we wouldn’t want that. Would we, Hyde?

Hyde glares at Eric, who moves with Kelso to get into the front of the van. Hyde and Donna linger by the back. Donna takes a few steps toward Hyde.

DONNA: Hyde - you really do care about her, don’t you?

Hyde shifts on his feet.

HYDE: No...but do you wanna go through all that again? (imitating Jackie) “Oh my god, you’re so beautiful, Michael!” (imitating Kelso) “Oh my god, you’re so beautiful, Jackie!” (imitating Jackie) “But you screwed Laurie and made out with Pam Macy - you’re a dirty dog and an idiot!” (imitating Kelso) “Well, I’m gonna keep cheating on you, talk about breaking up behind your back every five seconds, then cry like a bitch when you break up with my dumb ass!”

DONNA: (laughing) Well, deny it all you want - this is the sweetest I think I’ve ever seen you. But I think it’s good for Jackie that she’s on her own right now. So please tell me you’re not gonna use this trip to crawl all over her like these other dorks.

HYDE: It’s like I told you - she didn’t feel anything. That’s that.

He looks down at the ground. Donna sighs, and reaches out to rub his shoulder.

DONNA (cont’d): Ugh, I can’t believe Kelso. And what about poor Fez? We’re leaving him all alone this whole weekend.

HYDE: Actually, I think he’ll be fine. He had some plans.

DONNA: What plans?

CUT TO:

INT. MOVIE THEATER - DAY

A packed theater sits back to enjoy a special screening of WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. Pan across the first row until we arrive on FEZ, munching away at popcorn and chocolate. His eyes are wide and his mouth hangs open.

FILM (aud. only): Who can take a sunrise (who can take a sunrise) Sprinkle it with dew (sprinkle it with dew) Cover it with choc'late and a miracle or two...

Fez sits up straight and sings out, as loud as he can...

FEZ & FILM:  The Candy Man! Oh, the Candy Man can!

Everyone sitting around Fez glares at him. He smiles apologetically and slumps back down into his seat.

CUT TO:

INT. FOREMAN LIVING ROOM - DAY

LAURIE sits on the couch in her bathrobe. She watches TV and sips at a mug of coffee. KITTY enters through the kitchen door. Seeing Laurie, she sucks in a deep breath and puts on a hard smile.

KITTY: Good afternoon, sunshine. We missed you at lunch. And breakfast. And dinner last night.

LAURIE: Yeah...I would’ve made it, but it interfered with my plans to not spend more time in this dump than I have to.

KITTY: (Laughs) So, ah - what do you have planned for the day?

LAURIE: Same as every day. Lie here, do my nails, avoid talking to you. It’s not going that well so far.

Kitty crosses to turn off the TV. Laurie makes a hollow gesture of protest, but doesn’t stir from her spot as Kitty joins her on the couch.

KITTY: Honey, you’ve done nothing but party all night and sleep all day for months.

LAURIE: Oh, come on, Mom.

KITTY: Oh, not ‘come on.’ Sweetie, I’m worried about you. The way you’re going, you’re going to end up like...like Aunt Martha.

Laurie sits up straight.

LAURIE: You think I’ll end up like Fat Martha? With the beer gut?

KITTY: The poor woman couldn’t even play putt-putt.

Laurie stands.

LAURIE: I can’t believe you’d say that about your own daughter! And if I ever take three hours at that game, it’s only because it’s really hard to get it in the hole!

She storms upstairs. Kitty picks up the coffee mug she left behind.

KITTY: Not a problem anyone’s ever had with you, I’m sure.

CUT TO:

EXT. ICE CABIN - DAY

Hyde and Eric unload the van as Donna, Kelso, and JACKIE stand back and take in the small, rickety ICE SHACK sitting on top of the frozen lake. Kelso grins, while the girls look incredulous.

DONNA: This is your uncle’s cabin?

KELSO: Yeah...now that we’re here, I guess I can tell you that part too. It’s more of an ice shack.

JACKIE: It’s an outhouse!

KELSO: No, it’s an ice shack!

He crosses over to a large metal barrel just outside the shack.

KELSO (cont’d): This is the outhouse. And the hot tub.

The girls glare. They join Eric and Hyde on their way back to the van, but Kelso walks after them.

KELSO (con’d): It’s for fishing. My uncle comes out here all the time! It’s gonna be a blast. Just us, in this beautiful snow, all weekend long, with plenty of beer. And we can catch all the fish we want!

HYDE: Oh, I see. So, on the ride back from this weekend in Hell, we can enjoy the smell of dead fish the whole way home? Oh, boy!

Jackie moves to Hyde’s left, as far from Kelso as she can get. Donna takes a step closer to Eric.

DONNA: It’s kind of cold.

ERIC: Oh, here - take my jacket.

He shrugs his jacket off and drapes it over Donna’s shoulders.

DONNA: I love you!

ERIC: God, were are such the...

They both turn to look at Kelso.

ERIC (cont’d): ...Perfect couple.

Kelso rolls his eyes. Jackie shivers.

JACKIE: I’m cold, too.

KELSO: Well, damn, Jackie, I can’t control the weather!

He notices Eric and Donna glaring at him, and catches on to his mistake.

KELSO (cont’d): I mean - of course you’re cold, Jackie!

He makes a big show of taking his jacket off and presenting it to her.

KELSO (cont’d): Here - take my jacket.

It is now Jackie’s turn to roll her eyes.

JACKIE: Forget it. Donna, let’s go inside.

DONNA: (to Eric) How does that sound to you, honey?

ERIC: I think that sounds like a great idea, sweetie.

DONNA: Oh my God, let’s go!

The two of them link hands and follow Jackie towards the ice shack. Kelso starts to follow, but Jackie holds up a hand to stop him.

JACKIE: You’re not coming in.

KELSO: What? Jackie, it’s my uncle’s cabin!

ERIC: Well, Kelso, you can always warm yourself up in the hot tub.

He drums lightly on the rim of the barrel. He disappears inside the shack with Donna. Jackie lingers in the doorway and looks at Hyde, still by the van.

JACKIE: Steven, are you coming?

HYDE: In a minute. Think I’ll fumigate the van for a little while first.

JACKIE: Won’t you be cold?

HYDE: (shrugs) I don’t feel anything.

He and Jackie look at each other. Jackie breaks away first, disappearing inside the shack and closing the door behind her. Kelso crosses over to Hyde and scoffs.

KELSO: Man, can you believe this? I mean, what’s the point of bringing Eric and Donna along if copying all his dorky moves doesn’t work?

HYDE: Yeah, man. It’s almost as if a half-assed plan to trick a girl into liking you by pretending to be someone you’re not is a bad idea.

KELSO: I know, right? I mean, that’s impossible, but it’s so close to what’s happening here.

Hyde sighs, claps Kelso on the shoulder, and pulls him along as he steps into the van.

BUMPER

INT. MOVIE THEATER - DAY

WILLY WONKA continues. The “PURE IMAGINATION” song plays off-screen. Fez has finished his popcorn, and is now chewing a piece of bubble gum. As the song’s first three chimes sound, he blows a bubble. On the second three chimes, he sucks the bubble back in his mouth. He repeats this pattern two more times, the bubble getting larger and larger each time, until...

CUT TO:

The bubble blows up, becoming a pink BUMPER.

FEZ (V.O.): Ai!

FADE TO:

INT. VAN - EVENING

A CIRCLE is in progess, starting on Hyde.

HYDE: Man, Kelso, I am so happy I’m not in your shoes right now. I mean, every part of your plan - the trip, the cabin, copying Foreman - has backfired. This was such a good way to blow that poker money!

Pan to Kelso.

KELSO: Jackie just doesn’t know how much fun ice fishing is. I mean, I was out here for four days with my uncle once. He fell in the ice, lost all his fish, and woke up a hibernating bear. I laughed my ass off! And I’m tired of everyone ragging on the shack. It’s cozy.

Pan to Hyde.

HYDE: Kelso, “cozy” is sharing a bed, or a couch, or the back seat of a Lincoln. Dragging a chick along under false pretenses is no way to get cozy anywhere. If you want to get down and dirty in a place that’s down and dirty, you’ve gotta be up-front about it.

Pan to Kelso.

KELSO: You’re just not thinking about what you can do when you throw a cot over the ice hole and...wait. Jackie drives her dad’s Lincoln...

Pan to Hyde.

HYDE: Yeah, well, that’s just...whatever. Look, Kelso - why do you even wanna do this, man? You’re still with Laurie, and Jackie’s moving on. Seeing other people. And some of them are pretty cool. Can’t you just give her a break?

Pan to Kelso.

KELSO: Man, it’s just not the same with Laurie. I mean, I know Jackie. I understand Jackie. I care about Jackie. And...and why do you care so much about Jackie?

The circle is broken. Hyde and Kelso stare at each other from opposite ends of the back of the van.

HYDE: What? That’s crazy, man! Who said I cared about Jackie?

KELSO: Yeah, you totally care! You let her take you to the mall after we broke up, you went to jail for her, and...and you took her on that date on Veteran’s Day!

HYDE: No I didn’t.

KELSO: You so did! And you’re keeping me in here, when I could be in there doing it!

HYDE: Kelso, Foreman and Donna are in there. The only thing you’re gonna “do” is get your nose rubbed in how much better they are at this than you.

KELSO: Oh, yeah? Well, just what happened on your date? You scam on her?

 HYDE: What? No, man! It was nothing!

KELSO: You did it in the back of the Lincoln, didn’t you? Man, you don’t do that with another guy’s girl! That’s where we used to do it!

HYDE: We didn’t do it! And you also don’t trick your ex-girlfriend out to a frozen hell-hole so you can try and win her back while you’re still seeing the skank you cheated on her with. And Jackie’s not your girl anymore!

KELSO: Well, is she yours?

HYDE: She’s nobody’s! She said it herself at the end of the date, the kiss meant nothing!

KELSO: (gasps) Kiss? You’re dead, Hyde!

Kelso launches himself across the van at Hyde, and the two begin wrestling.

CUT TO:

INT. ICE SHACK - EVENING

Concurrent with the scene above. The shack is even dirtier-looking on the inside, with various pieces of fishing gear and winter clothing adorning the rough walls. Benches surround three sides of a square hole in the ice. Eric and Donna share the right bench, while Jackie sits on the center one. Eric has a fishing line in the water.

ERIC: Boy, ice fishing’s fun. Don’t you just love it here, Donna?

DONNA: Oh, Eric...it doesn’t matter where we are. It’s being together that makes it fun.

ERIC: You’d rather be anywhere else, wouldn’t you?

DONNA: Literally anywhere. You know me so well.

ERIC: Eskimo kiss!

They start nuzzling noses. Jackie looks on in disgust.

JACKIE: What the hell is with you two today?

Eric drapes an arm around Donna, and they both smile at Jackie.

ERIC: Oh, didn’t Kelso tell you? We’re the...(with Donna) perfect couple.

JACKIE: Yeah - perfectly nauseating!

ERIC: Well, if you don’t like what you see in here, missy, there’s some beautiful scenery and a wind chill near 10 just waiting for you outside.

JACKIE: At least you’re better company than Michael. God, can you believe that idiot? Who picks a small, smelly shack like this for a friends’ weekend? I don’t even think we could fit everyone in here!

ERIC: (flat) Oh, no. How could Kelso make such a terrible mistake?

Jackie pouts and looks at the door.

JACKIE: What’s keeping Steven? I hope he’s not too cold.

ERIC: Oh, a little worried about ‘Steven,’ are we?

Donna swats his chest playfully, and he withdraws his arm from her shoulder.

DONNA: (to Jackie) Jackie, we were saying earlier that it’s a bit strange you didn’t have anything to say after your date with Hyde the other day.

JACKIE: (shrugs) I didn’t think there was anything to say. I mean, at the time, I thought it was the most romantic moment of my life. Steven was jealous, he defended my honor, he took me out...and for a poor person, he can splurge when he wants to, ‘cause we got the good pizza. But when we got to the kiss, there just wasn’t anything there.

ERIC: Wait, so - Hyde can’t french? Well, that is just so good to know.

JACKIE: No, it wasn’t that. It was a hot kiss. I mean, hot. I just didn’t feel any different than I had all day.

DONNA: (beat) Jackie, you spent that whole day obsessed with Hyde.

JACKIE: (beat) Hey. Hey, you’re right, Donna! And Steven - Steven said he didn’t feel anything either, but only after I said I didn’t feel anything. And just now, when I asked him if he was cold, he said it again. But not like he really didn’t feel anything. More like he was upset.

ERIC: Jackie, to be fair, we’re sitting in an ice shack we were told was a cabin, with a trash can just outside that’s going to be our toilet and bath for the whole weekend. ‘Upset’ covers pretty much everyone right now.

JACKIE: Oh my God. What if Steven did feel something? And he just covered it up because he’s vulnerable and afraid and thinks no one would ever love him with those awful sideburns? And what if the reason I didn’t feel anything during the kiss is because I was already feeling all my love for Steven the whole day up to that point?

She rises and starts for the door, but Donna reaches out to take her sleeve. Jackie sits back down.

DONNA: OK, Jackie, slow down. Ever since you and Kelso broke up, you’ve been all over the place with guys, but the last few days, you haven’t worried about that at all. And I think that’s good for you.

JACKIE: But Donna, I have to talk to Steven. What if -

DONNA: You can talk to him, Jackie. I’m just saying that everyone needs some time alone. You can get to know yourself and get more comfortable with who you are.

ERIC: Yeah, Jackie. At least until you find your... (puts his arm back around Donna) ...perfect couple.

DONNA: (laughs) Yeah. (beat) And, you know. After that, too. Sometimes.

ERIC: What do you mean?

DONNA: Well, Eric, I love you, but I need some time for me too.

ERIC: Yeah, but that’s not what you’re talking about. You’re talking about time to yourself as in, not being with anyone. Are you saying you’d want a break from...from us?

DONNA: Eric, it’s not a big deal. I mean, you need some time to yourself too. It’s not like we go everywhere together. We don’t go to the bathroom together.

ERIC: (voice breaking) Well, we’ll have to up here! We don’t have a choice!

Before they can continue arguing, a loud crack sounds from outside the shack, and Kelso and Eric’s yelps can be heard. Eric, Donna, and Jackie hurry to the door.

CUT TO:

EXT. ICE SHACK - EVENING

The door to the shack opens, and Eric, Donna, and Jackie spill out just as Hyde and Kelso leap out of the back of the van. Hyde’s sunglasses are crooked and he holds his right hand in his left. Kelso has his right hand over his right eye. The cracking sound continues.

ERIC: You guys, what happened?

KELSO: I don’t know. All of a sudden, the van just started shaking!

HYDE: ‘All of a sudden?’ You jumped me, you tool!

DONNA: Uh...guys?

Everyone turns to watch as Kelso’s van slowly sinks into the ice. Kelso looks horrified, while the others seem torn between anger and schadenfreude. Kelso whips his belt off.

KELSO: Quick, everyone give me your belts. Together, we can pull it out!

A splash of water shoots up as the van begins sinking quicker. Everyone takes a step back. Kelso looks around pleadingly, but no one else moves to take their belts off. The van disappears beneath the water.

HYDE: Man, this master plan just keeps getting better and better. For me.

JACKIE: (to Kelso) Michael, what ‘master plan?’

KELSO: Who cares, Jackie? I’m losing my van!

Jackie pouts at Kelso as he stares at the hole where his van used to be. Hyde rubs his right hand, and Eric and Donna glare at each other.

FADE TO BLACK

COMMERCIAL

BUMPER

INT. ICE SHACK - NIGHT

Later that night. Donna sits on the right bench alone, while Jackie and Hyde share the left bench. Donna has her arms crossed, and Jackie watches while Hyde holds a cold beer can to the knuckles of his right hand.

Someone bangs on the door.

KELSO (v.o.): OK guys, I’m getting really tired of being kicked out of my shack!

No one even looks up.

ERIC (v.o.): Donna? Honey? I think this is enough alone time for one night, OK?

DONNA: (stands) Can it, you dillholes!

She sits back down. Jackie takes the beer can from Hyde.

JACKIE: Here, let me help you.

She holds it to his knuckles.

HYDE: Don’t hang on to it too long. I need it cold when I pop it open to drink.

Jackie rolls her eyes and looks around the shack.

JACKIE: God, how could Michael think this would win me back? After all the crap he did, he’d have to take me to Aspen before I’d even consider letting him touch me again.

HYDE: You mean you’d consider it at all?

JACKIE: (beat) No. Why, do you care?

HYDE: (beat) Whatever.

They look away from each other. Another knock comes to the door.

ERIC (v.o.): OK, we’re gonna go for help, but just so you know - Kelso’s already talking about sharing warmth, and I don’t know how long this walk is, so you just think about that during your alone time, missy!

Donna, Jackie, and Hyde all share looks of disgust.

CUT TO:

INT. FOREMAN LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Kitty paces behind the couch nervously, while RED sits in his chair reading the paper. Laurie enters from the stairs.

LAURIE: Alright, I’m here. Let’s get this over with.

She throws herself down on the couch.

KITTY: Good evening to you too. Honey, we feel that you need some direction in your life.

RED: (not looking up) And by we, she means her.

Kitty scowls at Red before turning back to Laurie.

KITTY: Laurie, you have no future ahead of you, and you have nothing in your life right now. Just look at how you spent today. You sat around, watched TV, and drank all your father’s beer.

RED: (looks up) And in the future, always save one beer for Daddy.

LAURIE: (to Kitty) Look, will you get off my back? I have a plan for my future, alright? Find a guy who’s loaded and get married.

KITTY: You? Married? I think you left out the part about the unexpected pregnancy and the quickie divorce for your fiancee!

RED: See, Kitty? She has it all worked out. She’ll find someone who’s rich, and nice, and...not Kelso. Someone who can take care of her.

LAURIE: Exactly! (beat) But - Daddy, I could have a career of my own if I wanted, right?

RED: (beat) Well, sure. I just don’t want you to set yourself up for...like what happened at the college. If you set the bar too high, the fall might be...you’re just so pretty!

KITTY: Oh, I give up.

She storms upstairs. Red stands.

RED: Kitty, wait! (to Laurie) Here’s five dollars.

He slips her a five and runs after his wife. Laurie stares at the money and sighs.

The doorbell rings. Laurie stands and crosses to the door. She opens it to reveal Fez, his face and hair a sticky pink mess of bubble gum.

LAURIE: What the hell happened to you?

FEZ: Please don’t laugh. They all laughed. The audience, the usher, the ticket boy...even the Oompa-Loompas seemed to mock me with their doompaty-doo-doo.

Laurie bites her finger to keep back a laugh.

FEZ (cont’d): I cannot get the sticky out! Please, help me?

LAURIE: (shrugs) Well, at least someone’s day sucks worse than mine. Get in here.

She takes Fez by the shoulder and pulls him inside. She struggles to get her hand free; once she does, she lightly pokes him in the back with one finger to guide him into the kitchen.

CUT TO:

INT. ICE SHACK - NIGHT

Donna stands and looks out the window. Hyde and Jackie still share the left bench. Hyde is now drinking his beer, while Jackie holds his right hand and examines his knuckles.

JACKIE: What I don’t understand, Steven, is why you’d even come on this stupid trip if you didn’t care about what Michael was up to.

HYDE: Have you been sleeping this whole time? Gilligan does better with plans than Kelso. I’m getting prime-time entertainment here - with beer.

He holds up his can and takes a sip.

JACKIE: Then why did you keep Michael outside instead of watching him try something with me? And (holds up Hyde’s hand) what were you two fighting about in the van?

HYDE: (beat) Uh...boy, Foreman’s sure been gone a long time, huh, Donna?

DONNA: Yeah. I hope he’s OK. (turns to face the others) But what did he have to get so worked up for? I’m with him. I love him. Why can’t he see that ‘time alone’ for me doesn’t mean ‘time broken up from him?’

HYDE: Come on, Donna. If it surprises you that Foreman’s a spaz at this point, you haven’t been paying attention. I mean, the guy’s got no self-esteem. He’s still floored you’re even with him. Yeah, he was a little insecure, but you didn’t need to leave him out there with Kelso. I don’t know what that guy meant by sharing warmth, but whatever it is, Foreman’s not gonna like it.

DONNA: (laughs) OK, maybe that was a little much. (looks back to window) I wish they’d get back soon.

JACKIE: (to Hyde) And what about your insecurities, Steven? Did you or did you not feel something after our date on Veteran’s Day?

HYDE: (beat) Does it matter? You didn’t feel anything.

JACKIE: Well...

HYDE: Wait. You did feel something?

JACKIE: (beat) I thought I didn’t. But now, I think maybe I did. Ugh, I don’t know!

HYDE: Well...(beat) I did. And I do.

Jackie’s left hand goes over her heart. Donna looks back over to them, grinning.

DONNA: Aww...

HYDE (cont’d): (to Donna) Get bent! (to Jackie) So, what happens now?

Jackie closes both her hands around Hyde’s right.

JACKIE: I think Donna was right that I need some time for myself. But, when that’s over, I want to give us another chance. So, Steven - will you wait for me?

HYDE: So, you use me as a shoulder to cry on over Kelso, stalk me for weeks, send me to jail, and when we finally go on a date and I tell you I felt something, you expect me to wait around while you take time to sort things out? (beat) God help me, I’ll do it.

Jackie beams and throws her arms around Hyde’s neck. He struggles to keep a straight face as he pats her back. Donna happily looks on.

CUT TO:

INT. FOREMAN LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Red leads Kitty back down the stairs.

RED: Now, try not to worry so much. Laurie’s just a child, after all.

KITTY: She was a child ten years ago, Red. She is a woman, and that woman is going to end up with a beer gut and gout!

Red sighs. He takes Kitty over to the couch, and they both sit down.

Laurie bursts in from the kitchen.

LAURIE: (to Kitty) OK, look. The reason I haven’t done anything with my life is because I didn’t know what I wanted to do.

KITTY: Well, sweetie, the post office has a dental plan that’s -

LAURIE: Shhh! But earlier tonight, something happened that made me realize that I’ve found my passion. Hair!

KITTY: (beat) The musical?

LAURIE: No! (she tugs on her hair) Hair! Look!

She steps to the right of the kitchen door and holds out her hands in presentation. Fez steps out, with a short, closely-cropped hairstyle. All trace of gum is gone. He stands with his hands on his hips and a very satisfied expression.

LAURIE (cont’d): Fez had a little accident, and I fixed it! And when I thought about it, I could see that this is where all my talents were! Mom, Daddy - I’m going to beauty school!

KITTY: This isn’t something you do through the mail, is it?

LAURIE: No. It’s a real school!

KITTY: Oh. Well...yay!

She starts applauding.

RED: Congratulations, sweetheart!

LAURIE: Thanks, Daddy! (to Fez) Come on, Fez. Let me practice a manicure on you, and I’ll introduce you to my easy friend Susanne.

Fez grins, and he lets Laurie usher him back into the kitchen.

RED: So, Kitty, what do you think?

KITTY: Eh.

RED: Yeah.

He turns on the TV, and they settle down on the couch.

CUT TO:

INT. ICE SHACK - NIGHT

Everyone is still in their same places. A knock sounds at the door. Donna hurries to unlock it. Eric is waiting outside, his cheeks and nose red with the cold.

DONNA: Oh my God. Are you alright?

ERIC: Oh, yeah. Three mile walk to the nearest rest stop, three miles back, snow, wind chill, no big deal.

Donna cups his head in her hands and kisses him.

DONNA (cont’d): Eric, I’m sorry.

ERIC: (beat) Me too. (gestures over his shoulder) One of the truckers offered us a ride. He’s waiting outside.

DONNA: My hero.

ERIC: Perfect couple?

DONNA: Of course!

They share another Eskimo kiss, gather up their things, and head outside. Jackie and Hyde stand. As Jackie collects her bag, Hyde takes his jacket off and puts it around her. She looks at him.

HYDE: (shrugs) You looked kind of cold.

JACKIE: Thank you.

She briefly places a hand on his cheek. They get their things and head outside.

CUT TO:

EXT. ICE SHACK - NIGHT

Kelso is standing right by the doorway of the shack as Hyde and Jackie leave. He notices Hyde’s coat around Jackie, and that the two are walking closely together and smiling at one another. He gasps in shock.

FADE TO BLACK

CREDITS

INT. FOREMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT

Fez, in his new haircut with Eric’s bathrobe over his clothes and Red’s hat in his hands, dances around the basement while “I’VE GOT A GOLDEN TICKET” plays on the record player. He uses a pool cue as a cane.

END.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior December 20, 2019 – STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER, CATS, BOMSHELL, INVISIBLE LIFE

I’m doing a lot of writing about J.J. Abrams’ STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (Lucasfilm/Disney) and Tom Hooper’s CATS (Universal) over at The Beat, so I don’t have too much more to add here. I have only seen the latter, and I’m under embargo, so can’t say much more about it anyway.

I mentioned last week that Jay Roach’s BOMBSHELL (Lionsgate), starring Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman and Margot Robbie -- all SAG Award nominees!! -- was going to expand nationwide this weekend, and I’m still hoping to review it sometime this week, but haven’t had a chance to write it just yet. Sorry!

LIMITED RELEASES

Not a lot of limited releases this weekend, thank God, but I do want to draw attention to the Brazilian Oscar entry INVISIBLE LIFE (Amazon), which will get a limited release this weekend.  Directed by Karim Aïnouz (Madame Satã), it’s the story of two sisters from Rio who are separated in 1950 as the elder one, Guida, travels to Europe to marry a sailor and is estranged by her parents when she returns alone and pregnant. The younger sister Euridice is forced into a loveless marriage, and the two of them end up living their lives unaware that the other is still living in Rio. The movie takes a little time to get going, but once it does, it’s quite an emotional experience, especially the last act where Oscar nominee Fernanda Montenegro takes over one of the roles. Invisible Life won the Un Certain Regard at Cannes earlier this year, but sadly, it did not make the shortlist in the Oscar’s International Film category, which is a shame. It will open at the Film Forum in New York Friday, as well as the Laemmle Royal in L.A.

It’s actually the only film I’ve seen this week, although the Bollywood action-comedy Dabangg 3 (Yash Raj Films) brings Salman Khan’s badass cop Chulbul Pandy back for his third movie, which should do decently over the holidays.

Xiaogang Feng’s Chinese drama Only Cloud Knows (China Lion) will also open in select cities this Friday about a Chinese man (Xuan Huang) who returns home to New Zealand after the death of his wife and learns that she has all sorts of secrets.s

Irish filmmaker Alexandra (Lotus Eaters) McGuinness’ indie drama-thriller She’s Missing (Vertical Entertainment), starring Lucy Fry and Eiza Gonzalez, playing Heidi and Jane, best friends living in a small desert town, and what happens when one of them goes missing.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Another movie I hoped to review, and I just didn’t get a chance to is this the amazing drama THE TWO POPES, starring Jonathan Pryce and Anthony Hopkins, which will hit the streaming service this Friday. It’s a wonderful film directed by Fernarno Meirelles (City of God) about the relationship between

This Friday, Netflix will also begin streaming the fantasy series THE WITCHER, based on the popular video games and starring Henry Cavil. I really don’t know much about the series, but it looks like the kind of big-scale fantasy I love.

Although the seventh episode of Disney’s series The Mandalorian will air on Weds. this week, as to not conflict with Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’s opening. Friday will see the debut of the new Disney+ movie Togo, starring Willem Dafoe and a Siberisan husky named Togo. Don’t know much about it, but Dafoe has been great in recent years, so I’m sure it’s worth watching.

REPERTORY

You’ll notice a lot of the same movies playing in the repertory theaters in New York and L.A. this weekend, maybe because Christmas is next week?

FILM AT LINCOLN CENTER (NYC):

The big retrospective in New York this week is FilmLinc’s comprehensive “Varda: A Retrospective,” which will run from Friday through through January 6, and it is indeed comprehensive, showing all of her films, including four shorts programs and some television work. It ties into the late French filmmaker’s excellent last film, Varda by Agnès, which has been playing there for the past couple weeks. (It’s an exceptional introspective film class that I highly recommend.) If you want a taste of Varda’s work but can’t figure out what to sees then maybe you can check out the free five-part mini-series Agnés Varda: Here to There, each episode screening on the afternoons starting Friday and running through December 24. (Even though it’s free, you still need to go to the FilmLinc site and register for tickets.) The series will include a wide range of films from her part in the early French New Wave to her more recent documentary work, and it’s a slew of riches for those who’ve already seen Varda by Agnès and want to see some of the films discussed.

On Thursday night, FilmLinc will have a special 20th anniversary screening of Steven Soderbergh’s The Limey with Soderbergh in attendance along with cinematographer Ed Lachman and some of his cast.

METROGRAPH (NYC):

“Holidays at Metrograph” continues this week with screenings of Jacques Demy’s The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964), Mitchel Leissen’s Remember the Night  (1940), The Thin Man (1934) and of course, Todd Haynes’ 2015 film Carol, Paul Thomas Anderson’s 2017 movie Phantom Thread, and Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut (1999), Metro’s holiday standbys. Welcome To Metrograph: Redux will screen Lizzie Borden’s Born in Flames  (1983) and Haile Gerima’s Bush Mama (1979) while this week’s Late Nites at Metrographis Eric Rohmer’s Claire’s Knee (1970). This weekend’s Playtime: Family Matineesis the classic It’s a Wonderful Life, in case you haven’t seen one of the 200 showings at IFC Center.

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

Wednesday’s “Afternoon Classic” is The Bishop’s Wife (1947), starring Cary Grant, while Friday’s “Freaky Friday” matinee is John Carpenter’sThe Thing  (1982). Wednesday night’s double feature of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and Scrooged is sold out (of course) but Thursday night, you can see It’s a Wonderful Life (of course) with Brad Pitt’s Meet John Doe. Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogsis the Friday midnight offering while the horror film Christmas Evil screens Saturday at midnight, while the weekend’s Kiddee Matinee is The Muppet Christmas Carol, which shows that even Tarantino can get in the Xmas spirit. Monday’s “Afternoon Classics” matinee is expecting that kiddee’s will be out of school, as it’s screening Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, while Tuesday night aka Christmas Eve is a double feature of Bing Crosby’s White Christmas (1954) and Holiday Affair (1949), starring Robert Mitchum. Also on Tuesday are two sold out screenings of the Xmas classic Die Hard (of course), the night screening a double feature with Silent Partner (1978).

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

The Egyptian’s “Holiday Spirit 2019” series begins with a double feature of Terry Gilliam’s Brazil and Things to Comeon Thursday, then they will screen It’s A Wonderful Lifeon Friday night. (Why not? Every other rep theater is playing it.) Saturday is Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut (ditto) and then Saturday’s “Christmas Noir” is 1950’s Backfire on 16mm! Sunday evening is a double feature of the Oscar-winning The Apartment, starring Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine, paired with the 2015 film Tangerine. No, I don’t get it, either.

AERO  (LA):

A lot of the same movies are playing here this week including Die Hard(as part of “Greg Proops Film Clumb 2019” on Weds, a double feature of The Thin Man (1934) and Mr. Soft Touch (1949), as part of the “Christmas Noir” series. “Holiday Spirit 2019” continues on Saturday with a double feature of White Christmas and The Holly and the Ivy (1952). Saturday’s midnight movie is The Exorcist III (1990), then Sunday is a screening of Will Ferrell’s 2003 movie Elf, and then Monday might, what else? It’s a Wonderful Life.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

On Friday, the Quad is beginning a new series called “A Face in the Crowd: Remembering Lee Remick” including a 40thanniversary restoration of James Ivory’s The Europeanswith Ivory appearing on Friday. The series will also include 1957’s A Face in the Crowd, 1959’s Anatomy of Murder, as well as one of my favorite movies of all time, 1976’s The Omen, and more.Wednesday night’s One-Shots offering is Jean Cocteau’s 1950 film Orpheus.

MOMA  (NYC):

Modern Matinees: Iris Barry’s History of Film continues this week with the 1930 film All Quiet on the Western Front Wednesday, 1921’s The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse on Thursday, and the classic Battleship Potemkin (1921) on Friday. Monday is a double feature of Dream of a Rarebit Fiend from 1906 and Buster Keaton’s The Navigator  (1924). Fred Newmeyer’s The Freshman  (1925) screens on Tuesday.  The Wonders continues through the weekend with its look at the films of Italian sisters Alice and Alba Rohrwacher, including Luca Guadagigno’s I Am Love (2009) on Wednesday evening and other more recent films including Alice Rohrwacher’s 2014 eponymous film The Wonders on Monday night.

IFC CENTER (NYC)

While all the other rep theaters in New York and L.A. have been jumping on the It’s a Wonderful Life bandwagon, the IFC Center has been playing it consistently for weeks with Donna Reed’s daughter Mary Owen introducing many of the screenings. That continues through Christmas Day. Next year, you’ll be able to watch all of the Studio Ghibli movies on HBO Max, but if you can’t wait that long, the IFC Center is celebrating the holidays with “The Films of Studio Ghibli” from Friday through January 16. It’s a pretty comprehensive series including many films not directed by Miyazaki, but there’s a lot of great stuff, and you can click on the link above to see when various movies are playing or check out the full calendar here. (There are a few 35mm prints in there, labelled accordingly.)

Weekend Classics: May All Your Christmases be Noir is … also Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut. Seriously, if you live in New York and still haven’t seen this movie, then I don’t know what your damage is.  Waverly Midnights: Spy Games will screen Matt Damon’s The Bourne Identity (2002) and Late Night Favorites: Autumn 2019 is Kubrick’s The Shining (1980), which you also should have seen by now.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

The Film Forum will begin screening its own holiday offering, the 1962 thriller Cape Fear, starring Robert Mitchum and Gregory Peck, through Christmas Eve. The weekend’s “Film Forum Jr.” is a sing-along version of 1954’s White Christmas.  Lee Grant will also be at the Film Forum Thursday night to screen her 1981 documetnary debut The Willmar 8.

ROXY CINEMA (NYC)

The Nicholas Cage-a-thon continues Thursday with 1996’s The Rock, directed by a very young Michael Bay, as well as Leaving Las Vegas, for which Cage won an Oscar. On Saturday, you can get in the Xmas spirit with Bill Murray’s Scrooged  (1988) and Home Alone (1990).

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

This Friday’s midnight offering is Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice (1988).

Next week is Christmas, and there are two new movies in the animated Spies in Disguise (20thCentury Fox) and Greta Gerwig’s Little Women.

[joesleftskeleton]

Museum date :)

(Print by Joseph C. Leyendecker)

[zen3to5]

J/H 4-26: Everybody Loves Casey

Okay, back to the full scripts! Jackie and Kelso broke up early in this timeline, which means other events might be moving up too. And what does Hyde think of that?

(We assume, following production order, that 4-25, "That '70s Musical," is unchanged. I admit that's a bit of a stretch, given the "Love Hurts" number, but since Jackie and Kelso never explicitly state they're together outside of Fez's fantasies, and because that episode is pretty much a one-off within Season 4, I think we can get away with it.)

FF.Net AO3

***

SHOW TITLE   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - DAY   A sunny afternoon. ERIC is at the stovetop, scraping peanut butter out of the jar for a PB&J sandwich. HYDE enters from the living room and crosses to the fridge.   ERIC: Oh, Hyde, get this. Casey just came by to pick up Donna, and he was out in the street just revving his Trans Am real loud, and then he peels out in the street, and he started doing donuts. And then, out comes Donna, all smiling and, like, looking at him.   Hyde grabs some juice and crosses to Eric.   HYDE: What a slut!   ERIC: Look, if she wants to date him, that's fine. But he doesn't have to be all loud and jerky about it. Jerky, loud, donut jerk.   RED and KITTY enter through the patio door, grocery bags in hand. Kitty hurries to set hers down and cross to the boys.   KITTY: Oh, guess what, boys? I entered the big wiener contest at the Piggly Wiggly, and I won a year's supply of all-beef hot dogs! (laughs) I'm a wiener winner! (laughs again)   She gives the boys a chance to react; they aren’t impressed.   KITTY (cont’d): Well, anyway, we're having a barbecue.   RED: No, Kitty! I thought we were going to talk about that.   KITTY: Mm-hmm. (to Eric) Oh, and I saw Donna at the grocery store, and she said she's bringing her friend Casey.   ERIC: What? No. I hate Casey. He's Donna's new boyfriend. You have to uninvite him. (to Red) Dad, tell her.   RED: Kitty, you've done a horrible thing. It could scar the boy for life. Now, let's do the right thing and cancel that barbecue.   KITTY: No. We're having it, and it'll be fun. (to Eric) And... and we just... we won't give Casey any relish.   She and Red step out to fetch more groceries. Eric turns to Hyde.   HYDE: All right. Once Casey finds out he's not getting any relish, he'll dump Donna for sure. (laughs) You are so screwed.

MAIN CREDITS   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY   A gathering of the guys. Eric sits on the back of the couch, FEZ in the far seat of it, and KELSO in the lawn chair. Hyde ambles in from his room, records in hand. He sets them down by the record player and starts going through them. “Good Times Roll” by The Cars plays on the radio.   FEZ: (to Eric) So your mom invited Casey over for hot dogs? Well, that's a plump, juicy, all-beef burn.   KELSO: Ah, it's just typical women stuff. Like Jackie kissing that guy.   Hyde lunges, frogs Kelso in the arm.   KELSO (cont’d): Ow! Hyde!   HYDE: Yeah. Okay? I've decided if anyone brings up any more stupid girl stuff, I'm gonna throw something at 'em. This time, I threw a fist.   He goes to his chair and sits.   KELSO: I'm sorry. It's just - everything reminds me. And I dumped her over a week ago, and she hasn’t once called to say “hi” or offer me sad-but-hot break-up sex!   HYDE: You two broke up?   KELSO: Yeah, and it’s the worst one yet.   FEZ: All because of the cheese guy?   KELSO: Hey, I changed, and became responsible, and stopped my cheating. Then she goes and makes out behind my back, and keeps calling me names and putting me down?   He pouts, folds his arms, taps his foot.   KELSO (cont’d): You know what? If she’s not gonna call me, then I’m gonna go over there and yell at her some more.   He stands and exits out the basement door.   ERIC: You guys, I've been thinking about Donna. And I –   Hyde grabs a magazine from the coffee table, tosses it at Eric.   HYDE: This time I threw a magazine.   ERIC: No, guys, seriously. This barbecue might work out in my favor. You see, Donna's only seen Casey around his smelly, tattooed Molly Hatchet-loving friends. But when he comes to the barbecue, he'll be around us. Good, clean, Lynyrd Skynyrd-lovin' Americans. And the comparison will not be kind to him.   HYDE: And then Donna will come running home to you.   ERIC: No. (beat) Well, maybe. You think?   HYDE: So, instead of pounding Casey like you should, you came up with this zany scheme? Forman, you've officially turned into Daffy Duck. (doing Daffy) You're “dethpicable!”   He makes a show of shaking his head.   FEZ: You know, I have lady problems too.   Hyde grabs a Packers’ football and chucks it at Fez, who dodges it without even looking up.   FEZ (cont’d): Rhonda won't let me get past second base. I even said “please.” Magic word, my ass. Hyde throws another ball, and this time, it hits. Fez frowns at him and chucks it back, and they get into a throwing war.   BUMPER   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY   Concurrent with the previous scene from Kelso’s exit. He storms around the house and into the driveway. From the other direction comes JACKIE. They meet, lock eyes.   JACKIE: Hey.   KELSO: Hey.   JACKIE/KELSO: I just came by -/I miss you.   They step back.   JACKIE/KELSO: What?   JACKIE: Did you say you miss me?   KELSO: No.   JACKIE: Look, just say you miss me!   KELSO: Fine, I miss you!   Jackie takes his hands in hers.   JACKIE: Michael, I miss you too. And, look, I was thinking - since we broke up because I kissed another guy, what if I let you kiss another girl? I mean, we could be even, and we could get back together.   KELSO: Jackie, if you think that me kissing another girl is gonna bring us closer together, I'm totally willing to make that sacrifice.   JACKIE: Thank you, Michael.   KELSO: Yeah! (beat) I better go wash my face.   He pulls his hands free and heads down the street, and Jackie heads into the Forman’s kitchen.   BUMPER   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY   The weekend, and the barbecue, have arrived. A table loaded with hot dogs, condiments, and drinks is out on the driveway, and a healthy population of neighbors enjoy the party.   Hyde and Fez, on the porch, lean against the house. Eric comes around the house, crosses to them.   ERIC: Okay, Fez, when Casey gets here, ask him for advice about your second-base problem. My advice is gonna be way better than his, and Donna will see that he's a greasy dolt.   HYDE: Hey, Forman, I have an idea. Set up a wacky system of ropes and pulleys, and when Casey gets here, drop an anvil on his head.   It gets a laugh from Fez, at least.   FEZ: (to Eric) Because that's what Daffy does.   ERIC: Yeah, I got that. DONNA and CASEY walk up the driveway, arms around each other’s shoulders. DONNA: Hey, guys.   ERIC: Hey.   CASEY: (to Eric) Hey, Foreplay. Getting a little shaggy up there, buddy.   He ruffles Eric’s hair.   ERIC: Okay. Well, that's enough of that!   He throws Casey’s hand away.   ERIC (cont’d): Okay. So, uh... hey, you guys are just in time. Fez was telling me about, uh... (to Fez) Some kind of problem you're having with Rhonda?   FEZ: Yeah. Rhonda won't let me get past second base, and I really want to explore further.   ERIC: Gosh. Well, I don't know. I think if you're patient and you're respectful, when Rhonda's ready, she'll, uh... she'll wave you over.   FEZ: Well, thank you, Eric. That is very gentlemanly advice.   ERIC: Gentlemanly? Well, uh, guilty as charged, I guess. (to Casey) Hey Casey, what do you think?   CASEY: Well, sometimes a seasoned lady like Rhonda, she's gotten used to the usual order of things. So, I think the next time you're fooling around, just skip second and go right to third.   ERIC: What?   FEZ: It's genius! (to Eric) No wonder you never get any.   DONNA: (to Fez) Yeah, with Rhonda, you know, that just might work.   ERIC: (to Donna) Wait, you like that?   DONNA: Well, the words are wrong, but they sound so good coming out of his mouth.   CASEY: (shrugs) I got a way about me. He pats Eric on the shoulder, and he and Donna head into the party.   Hyde comes up behind Eric. HYDE: (doing Daffy) That worked out “thuper.”   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN BACKYARD – DAY   More of the barbecue, not as crowded as out front. Several of the local ladies have gathered in this part of the house, and Kelso strolls up and down, checking them out. Behind him follows a scowling Jackie. Kelso keeps glancing behind him to see Jackie’s reactions; he’s enjoying this.   KELSO: Let's see... which chick do I want to kiss?   Jackie takes his arm, spins him around.   JACKIE: Oh, no, no, no, no, Michael. I get to pick the girl.   KELSO: But you'll pick an uggo.   JACKIE: (shrugs) You didn’t call “no uggos.”   KELSO: I just thought of something. Your plan’s good and all, but what if the girl that you pick doesn't wanna kiss me?   They both consider that for a moment, then break up laughing.   KELSO: “Doesn't wanna kiss me!”   They laugh some more.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY   The party continues. Red works at the grill. He passes a hot dog onto Eric’s plate, and Eric takes it over to Donna, who is at the table with Casey.   ERIC: Hey, Donna, would you like a hot dog?   DONNA: Um, maybe half. Casey draws a bowie knife from his back pocket. He takes the plate from Eric and slices the hot dog in half. ERIC: Whoa, man, you carry a knife?   CASEY: Yeah. You never know when a lady's gonna need a half a hot dog. It's funny, man. You're the boy scout, but I'm the one who's prepared.   He and Donna head toward the basketball hoop. Fez crosses to Eric’s side.   FEZ: He's like a gladiator.   ERIC: Okay, that's it. I'm bringing out the big guns. Oh, yeah. I'm introducing him to my folks.   He spies Kitty coming out from the kitchen. He takes her by the shoulders, steers her over to Casey and Donna.   ERIC (cont’d): Oh, hey, Mom, meet Casey. This is Donna's new boyfriend.   Casey gives her a nod. Kitty stares up at him, wide-eyed.   KITTY: Well, you're certainly not a girl. (laughs)   CASEY: Nice to meet you, Mrs. Forman. You know, you couldn't have picked a prettier day to win a year's supply of hot dogs.   KITTY: (laughs) Yeah, sure is a hot dog.   She falls into laughing again. Eric leads her away.   ERIC: Mom!   KITTY: Sorry, honey, it's just, he's just... I am sure you are much smarter.   Red crosses over to them.   RED: Kitty, the idiot neighbors drank all my beer.   ERIC: Uh-oh. You're in a bad mood. Hey, meet Casey.   CASEY: (shakes Red’s hand) Pleasure, sir. Hey, maybe I can help. I always keep a spare case of beer in the Trans Am. Little tip I picked up in the army.   He walks off down the driveway. Beaming, Donna crosses over to the porch to talk to Hyde.   Red and Kitty turn to Eric. Red seems impressed, Kitty smitten.   RED: I don't know. Seems like a pretty good kid.   KITTY: Uh-huh. On the porch, Hyde is back to leaning against the house as Donna stands across from him. HYDE: So, you and Casey, huh?   DONNA: Look, Hyde, whatever you heard about Casey, he's changed now. He's... he's mature.   HYDE: Oh, yeah. He's real mature.   DONNA: Well, I like him! We're together, and if you can't deal with that, then you can just go to hell!   She turns, runs after Casey.   HYDE: Hey, that's not barbecue language, young lady!   Donna meets Casey as he comes back up the driveway with a case of beer. A grape soda is balanced on top. Casey hands the case to Red.   CASEY: Here's that beer, sir. I got a soda for the minor.   He hands Eric the soda can.   CASEY (cont’d): (to Eric) Now, you make sure to drink that real slow, 'cause I don't want you to get a tummy ache, little guy.   He pats Eric on the stomach.   KITTY: Well, that's thoughtful.   RED: Yeah, he cramps up easy.   Eric, at a loss for words, shifts on his feet and cracks open the soda.   FADE TO BLACK   COMMERCIAL   BUMPER   EXT. FORMAN BACKYARD - DAY   Most of the gang has moved back here. Eric and Kelso lean against the door into the garage. Kelso’s eye scans the crowd, lingering on all the women; Eric looks down at the ground with his arms crossed. Further into the yard, Hyde and Jackie sit and talk on lawn chairs.   ERIC: Casey and Donna, man. (to Kelso) Hey, remember when we were 12? We didn't even like girls yet.   KELSO: (still scanning) I liked girls when I was 12.   ERIC: Well, at least I gave it my best shot, right? If Donna loves Casey and not me, then... I mean, I guess it's over.   Kelso stops scanning, turns to Eric and puts a hand on his shoulder.   KELSO: Forman, you can't give up. Look, who knows what’s gonna happen with me and Jackie, but what you and Donna had? That was, like, real. And I'm telling you, as his brother, Casey is bad news. He's either gonna get bored and split, or something worse is gonna happen. So, you gotta do something.   ERIC: (beat) Hey, since when did you get all serious?   KELSO: Well, I’ve been broken up with Jackie, and she cut me off for a while before that, so I think the lack of lovin’ is making more blood flow to my brain.   In the lawn chairs, Hyde massages his temple; Jackie’s just explained her plan.   HYDE: So, you’re letting Kelso kiss some other girl so you can get back together with him?   JACKIE: Yeah. That way, we’ll be even.   HYDE: Jackie, by that logic, “being even” means that you sleep with, like, four guys. This is nuts.   JACKIE: Steven, I don’t care if you don’t think it makes sense! If this is the only way for Michael and me to get back together, then that’s what I’m going to do!   She stands and storms off. Hyde stands too, looks around at the guests.   HYDE: This is a hot dog party, people! Not a yell-at-guys-with-good-advice party!   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – DAY   The next day. Fez and Hyde sit at the kitchen table, bowls of soup in front of them. Red sits on a stool at the island. Kitty comes over from the stovetop with one last bowl and a tray of sandwiches. KITTY: Okay, everyone. Here's lunch: hot dog soup!   HYDE: (groans) No more hot dogs! I'll just eat the grilled cheese.   He picks up a sandwich.   KITTY: You mean, grilled cheese with hot dogs!   Hyde throws the sandwich back down.   RED: Kitty, for God sakes, I ate 14 hot dogs yesterday!   KITTY: Well, what do you want me to do, Red? They're everywhere. They're a curse on this house!   RED: Oh, fine. Let's make some calls. Maybe we can unload the damn things on a nursery school.   He stands and leads Kitty out into the living room.   Eric enters from the basement, sits down at the table. ERIC: You guys, I’ve let this thing with Casey go way too far.   HYDE: Yeah, no kidding. Donna's pretty far gone. She's starting to lash out at people at barbecues. You gotta kick his ass, man.   FEZ: Hyde, Eric cannot beat Casey with his fists. He's a special boy who must beat him with his special strengths. Now, let's think. What is Eric's special strengths?   He puts his hands together in thought. Slow pan in, and we cut to:   INT. GAME SHOW SET   FANTASY SEQUENCE. A true ‘70s game show set – tacky as hell. Boxes are everywhere. Fez, in an equally tacky suit, spins around and flashes a grin for the camera. Two boxes flank him on either side. FEZ: Welcome back to TV's favorite game show - Get Into That Box!   The title flashes across the screen as he says the name.   FEZ (cont’d): Now, let's meet our returning champion, Eric Forman!   Eric’s head pops out from the box on Fez’s left.   ERIC: Thanks. Good to be back, Fez.   FEZ: Let's meet our challenger, Casey Kelso!   Casey walks onto set, to the applause of the off-screen audience.   FEZ (cont’d): Casey Kelso, it's time to...   He points out to the audience.   AUDIENCE (v.o.): Get into that box! Casey steps inside the box on Fez’s right. He tries to sit in it, but it bursts open at the side and Casey spills out onto the floor. CASEY: (to Fez, indicates Eric) How does he do it?   Donna, in a tacky dress, comes running from off-stage to hug Eric – or, rather, his box.   DONNA: He's so tiny!   She caresses his box as Eric shakes his hands in celebration.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – DAY   Back to reality. Fez nods contentedly at his fantasy.   FEZ: I would watch that show.   ERIC: (beat) Okay. That was great. Guys, I'm going over to Casey's. And I don't know what I'm gonna do. But if things get physical, I'm just gonna have to drop the hammer.   HYDE: And if all else fails, kick him in the stones and run like hell.   ERIC: Yeah, that's what I meant by “drop the hammer.”   And out he goes through the patio door. BUMPER   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT RHONDA’S POV. She makes out with Fez on the basement couch. Fez pulls back and smiles. FEZ: Rhonda, your lively tongue has made me thirsty.   He lifts up a soda can, takes a sip through a straw, and offers it to Rhonda.   FEZ (cont’d): Would you like to wet your whistle?   Rhonda (the camera) nods. Fez passes the soda can. A long, loud slurping sound unnerves him; Rhonda’s drained the whole can.   FEZ (cont’d): Wow, thirsty lady. Well, we're off to a nice start. Shall we move on to second base? He reaches his hand out, places it where Rhonda’s breasts would be. His smile grows at first, but quickly falls when Rhonda’s big hand closes around his wrist and pulls his hand away. Her other hand shoots out and takes Fez by the throat. FEZ: Ai, no!   CUT TO:   INT. HUB – NIGHT   A decent nighttime crowd. “I Just Want to be Your Everything” by Andy Gibb plays on the jukebox. Jackie and Kelso stand near the counter, Kelso nursing a soda. He scans the crowd for women, and one walks by. KELSO: How about I kiss her?   JACKIE: No way. She's too tall, too tanned, too rich.   KELSO: Damn, Jackie, I don't wanna kiss a short, pale, poor girl.   JACKIE: Okay, look, Michael, all I know is that I don't want to stay broken up. Okay, you know what? You choose. Kiss any girl you want.   Kelso makes a brief show of looking around, then bends down and snakes a kiss from Jackie.   KELSO: I choose you.   JACKIE: Michael, that is the most romantic thing I've ever read, heard about, or seen on TV.   KELSO: Yeah, it was pretty romantic. I could tell while I was doing it.   Jackie sighs and sits down at the nearest free table. Kelso joins her.   KELSO: What?   JACKIE: No, it's just... look, one week you break up with me, and the next week you're Prince Charming?   KELSO: (shrugs) I'm an incredibly complex man, Jackie.   JACKIE: Michael, I can't do this anymore! Look, Michael, if you wanna choose me, then choose me. I mean, really choose me.   KELSO: Jackie, you gave me a free pass to kiss any girl I wanted, and I kissed you. And that was a big choice, ‘cause there’s a lot of hotties here.   He waves his hand to indicate the other patrons.   KELSO (cont’d): But there’s only one girl I wanna be with forever. And that’s you.   JACKIE: (beat) You want to be with me forever? You want to be together forever?   He nods. She takes his hand in hers.   JACKIE (cont’d): Okay, then, Michael, let’s commit to that right now. Let’s get married.   Very slowly, Kelso leans back. His jaw hangs slightly open, and he can’t stop blinking.   KELSO: (beat) Hold on. You wanna get married?   JACKIE: Yes, Michael, yes, I accept!   She jumps to her feet and kisses him on both cheeks.   JACKIE (cont’d): Oh, my God! You know what? I gotta go tell my dad. And you - you have to buy a ring! Just think about it! We are gonna be the “Burkhart-Kelsos.”   She runs out the door, squealing in delight.   KELSO: (in shock) The Who-hearts What-os?   He looks up to the window; Jackie is no longer in sight. He leaps to his feet, races out of the Hub, and takes off down the street in the opposite direction she took.   CUT TO:   EXT. KELSO HOUSE – NIGHT   Casey sits alone on the porch, reading an auto magazine. Eric walks up to him. ERIC: Casey, we need to talk.   CASEY: Well, I'm a little swamped right now, Foreplay.   ERIC: I think Donna thinks you love her, and if you don't, you shouldn't act like you do.   CASEY: What are you? The love police? Hands up! Love police is here.   ERIC: Hey, all I'm saying is that if you don't love her, just don't be with her, okay? Because she's a really special person, and someone out there could really love her.   CASEY: Someone out there or someone right here?   Eric doesn’t have a ready retort to that. He’s spared thinking of one by Donna stepping out from the house.   DONNA: Oh. Hey, Eric. What are you doing here?   CASEY: He was just leaving.   DONNA: Oh. Well, I gotta go, too.   CASEY: Hey, Pinciotti.   He stands and gives Donna a lingering kiss on the cheek.   CASEY (cont’d): Love ya.   DONNA: Oh, well, I...   She turns away from him to Eric, who looks down at his shoes.   DONNA (cont’d): (to Casey) Thank you. Okay, well, I'll... I'll see you later.   She walks off. Casey crosses to Eric.   CASEY: You see, Forman, it's just words. You don't have to mean it.   ERIC: If you make her cry, I'm coming right back here to kick your ass.   He walks off too, the opposite way from Donna.   FADE TO BLACK   CREDITS INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT   THE CIRCLE. “Barracuda” by Heart plays on the radio. For once, the weed hasn’t made Kelso laughy. He looks downright paranoid. KELSO: You guys, I found something worse than Jackie kissing another guy: she wants to get married! TO ME!   He looks frantically around the room, the stairs and the door especially.   Pan to Eric.   ERIC: Well, if kicking Casey's butt is the same as babbling at him from a safe distance, then boy, did I do it! But seriously, you guys, the days of Daffy are over. It's time for action. I'm goin' Road Runner on his ass. Meep, meep! POW!   Pan to Fez.   FEZ: Good. Because thanks to his stupid advice, Rhonda dumped me. I tried to steal third, but she blocked me. And choked me. Now there’s no more baseball for Fez. It's back to handball.   Pan to Hyde.   HYDE: Girls, man. They'll make you miserable. Well, I got a date. (doing Daffy) Tho long, thuckerth!   He stands and makes for the door.   END.

[zen3to5]

So I’ve finished Season 7 of That 70s Show.

...It’s better than Season 6.

I mean that sincerely. Like with Season 5, I find myself out of step with a fair amount of commentary that I’ve read about T7S when it comes to the penultimate season. For how bad Season 6 was - and it’s still shocking to me how steep a fall the back half of that season was from a consistent five-year high, and how demoralizing it was for my interest in finishing the rewatch and this rewrite project - I really do think Season 7 was something of a recovery. The damage done couldn’t be wholly ignored, and this year more than any before it was sloppy and airheaded about the show’s (admittedly always somewhat loose) continuity. But I do think this season’s writing was - for the most - part improved. And whether they intended it this way or not, I find that it tries to make lemonade out of a few of the lemons left by Season 6.

The best example of that is Eric. Season 7 continues its predecessor’s trend of treating Eric as the group loser, with “Angie” probably being the absolute worst example of this. His interest in roller disco in the first place, and his dabbling in such left-field hobbies as butterfly hunting, aren’t a great fit for his character either. And his going off to Africa by the end smacks of desperation on the part of writers looking to give their main character a big and permanent exit from the series in the face of Fox’s last-minute, ill-conceived renewal. But this season also attempts to work with what’s happened to Eric up to this point. It acknowledges the fact that he used to be a more driven and ambitious character, tries to retroactively create a story wherein Eric’s changes come from a fear and uncertainty over his future, and gets him to a career path that - if not the first (or second) thing that comes to mind for him - isn’t unfeasible either. The execution of all of this is hit and miss, and there are arguably more misses (though none as bad as his decision on his wedding last season) - but I applaud the staff for trying.

I also applaud them landing on a better less bad way of writing Red and Kitty. They’re a long way from the healthy couple and responsible parents we saw in the show’s early years, or the motivated conflict of Season 5. But - and this may be a case of perception more than raw facts - things seem less negative here than in Season 6. At least there isn’t a mini-arc of Red lusting after another woman. And the bickering and resigned attitude towards marriage seem lessened, if not lost. There’s even a new (if grossly neglected) angle for Red this season as he goes into business for himself, something I enjoyed. On the other hand, having Red blow Eric’s college money on that business is ridiculous... but stinkers like that litter the last few episodes of this season, and we’ll get into another shortly.

Sticking to the positives for now - after having almost no growth whatsoever (but little derailment) in Season 6, Hyde now has an arc. His having a secret, rich real dad is a soap-opera contrivance that I go back and forth on - it’s either dumb but effective, or effective but dumb. It’s also rather redundant; for an orphan, Hyde never lacked for father figures in the show, Red more than anyone else, and I don’t think WB brings a lot new out of Hyde as a father. But as a charismatic businessman who brings Hyde into the corporate world (and then running a record store), he does a lot for Hyde, and makes for a charming character in his own right (something I can’t say for Angie; I find her to be Brooke 2.0, and without any chemistry with either her half-brother or her boyfriend.) Hyde’s whole arc in the front half of the season - entering into a professional world he’s never wanted anything to do with, finding a more suitable job at the record store, but ending up unnerved by impending adulthood and regressing in his personal relationships - not only puts him into new situations and draws out fresh but believable reactions from him, it nicely parallels Eric’s arc. Hyde being a more reserved character, it’s only ever directly stated by Donna, and one could argue the transition needed to be stretched out and in more direct focus. But one can at least see an arc here, and I think it’s reasonably well-executed - on a back-half T7S scale, but even without that caveat, it’s decently done.

Of course, Hyde’s arc runs him into conflict with Jackie, and it’s depressing to think that she has more development this season than the previous one - y’know, the one where the mother who abandoned her rolled back into town. Jackie’s arc is a variation on a theme we’ve seen from her before - rushing to maturity. But while in earlier seasons that manifested as Jackie childishly playing at “adult” things like fancy dinner parties, here she really is more mature, and more honestly longing for commitment from Hyde and a future beyond the Formans’ basement. But with Jackie, I think the lack of build-up is a serious problem. While she gets excited by Hyde’s new job, there really isn’t any clear sign of how ready she is for life after high school until “Winter.” There’s certainly not enough build-up to her wanting a promise for (eventual) marriage, though I can believe Jackie would want that. And while Jackie’s interest in working in local news television was mentioned here and there throughout the show, her actually getting her own program comes out of nowhere and gets hardly any development - a shame, because I think that’s a believable career for her.

As for her and Hyde’s relationship... I don’t hate what’s done here. For all the negative commentary I’ve read about it, I don’t find “Winter” that bad an episode. It’s not great, and one could argue Hyde should be past the stage where he pulls something that childish with his significant other, but that’s part of Hyde’s whole arc. And I think their break-up this season comes from a convincing conflict. The episodes they spend apart - “Street Fighting Man” in particular - have some of the most heartfelt expressions of feeling from either character, even without the other seeing it. But the way they get back together is just awful. It’s sloppier than their first make-up at the beginning of Season 6, and even by this season’s standards, it makes a mess of continuity. And, after getting them back together, the show takes a few episodes to present them as a strong couple, a few to tread water, and then goes into the ultimatum, a mini-arc just as contrived as Eric’s going to Africa, and almost certainly a victim of hasty rewrites after the renewal. The contrivance of Jackie not having a car so that Kelso can get involved and revive the love triangle is all sorts of nonsense from these characters at this point, and it’s such a lousy way to effectively end - even without Season 8 - what was the emotional highlight of the show from Season 5 onward.

Speaking of Kelso - there’s not much to say about him in this season. Continuing on from a trend in Season 6 I didn’t fully realize until now, he’s less broad and wild than in earlier seasons. He’s still cartoonishly dim, but a more mellow dim. The birth of his daughter, and his earning the right to have her on weekends, gives him a bit of development at the beginning and end of the season (until it’s derailed in the final episode.) That leaves a long stretch in the middle where there’s nothing but Kelso’s Greatest Hits - a retread of his womanizing with Angie, a retread of the “dumb guy, brainy gal” dynamic with Angie, some funny bromance with Fez, some generic stupidity - nothing we haven’t seen before, and none of it carried off with the same gusto and energy as before.

Donna doesn’t have much going on either. She has less going on than Kelso, really. After dying her hair and rededicating herself to feminism, that’s pretty much it. Almost nothing of note happens for her as an individual, and she and Eric tread water in their relationship until he announces his trip to Africa. One could argue that her static status as an individual makes some sense; she had declared in Season 6 that she didn’t see the need to go to college since she had the sort of job she was going to college for; if you buy that (and I don’t, but it happened) then you could reasonably say she’s settled into life, for now anyway. And there is an attempt to have her and Eric sort out what happened at the end of Season 6 that is somewhat convincing. But not wholly. And after Season 6 - and with how rote and, frankly, in the background their relationship is for most of this season - it’s hard to root for Eric and Donna at this point. The only reason their relationship still holds up is the goodwill built up over the first five seasons, and it’s a miracle Season 6 left any of that for Season 7 to tread with.

And then there’s Fez, who I’ve really come to hate in these later seasons. I can appreciate that the shy, naive, and malleable foreign kid from the beginning of the season couldn’t (and shouldn’t) have lasted forever, and Seasons 3 through 5 did a decent job expanding on his character. But Season 6 took an element that had, frankly, always been there to some degree - perverted voyeurism - injected a lot of selfish bratiness, and made a mess of the character. Season 7, where Fez is concerned, makes things even worse by adding a really disturbing confidence and comfortability to Fez with just how much of a pervert he is. His attempts to coerce some action from both Donna and Jackie go well past what I can buy those girls putting up with from him, and his “dark room switch” proposal is absolutely terrible. A good portion of this show’s humor about sex hasn’t aged well, but Fez more than any other character has been cast in a bad light because of that, and I’m happy to cut my rewatch off at Season 7 just so I don’t need to see more of him.

To continue on the negatives, the whole show at this point has a listlessness to it that wasn’t present even in Season 6. I’m not surprised this was once intended as the last season, because it’s hard not to get the feeling that everyone was done. This may be another case of perception outweighing the facts, but the impression I have of Season 7 is that, compared to earlier seasons, there are a greater number of scenes, scenes are more fast-paced, and consequently, very few things can build the way they used to. That takes away from earnest and dramatic moments the most, but it hurts the comedy as well. And it also means that, for the first time, the season finale doesn’t even feel like a finale. It feels like just another episode that happens to end on a stupid cliffhanger. And that’s just lame.

The most frustrating thing is that the pieces in the last few episodes - Eric deciding to be a teacher, Jackie’s job offer and her ultimatum to Hyde, Kelso and Fez getting an apartment - could have added up to an effective series finale if the show had more energy left in it, and if Fox hadn’t renewed them. And I’ll certainly try to prove that with this rewrite....

[those70scomics]

MistyMountainHop’s That ‘70s Show Fanfic that Never Was: #12

Note: I likely came up with this idea after reading heatherlea75‘s T7S stories many years ago. The initial premise reminds me of her fic For Her Sake. 

Jackie Is Missing

Jackie Fakes Her Death Jackie and Hyde are married. They have a young infant child (maybe eight-months old). Jackie's father has gotten into some bad business, which causes her life to be threatened. Jack helps her fake her own death, even using a corpse in her stead. Hyde is left to raise their son on his own. He's completely devastated by her death. He doesn't know how he's going to raise their son alone. Kitty, Donna, Eric, and W.B., Angie, and even Red say he won't be doing it alone -- he'll be doing it with them. So the first part of the story follows him raising the kid with his family and friends' help. After Jackie's “death,” Hyde begins to shut down. He's an emotional robot. Eric tells him he can't do that. Eric says, “Don't raise your son the way Red raised me.” Hyde says Eric turned out fine. Twitchy, but fine. Eric asks if Hyde wants his son to turn out twitchy, too. Hyde doesn't.

Eric also reminds Hyde how Hyde felt growing up with his alcoholic parents. Does he really want to do that to the child he shares with Jackie? Hyde says no. And this wakes him up. But it also means he's in constant pain from the loss of Jackie. Hyde's quicker to anger than he used to be, but as the years go on, he regains a good portion of his emotional distance back, his Zen. Not all of it, though. As the kid becomes a toddler, everyone says that the kid looks so much like Hyde, but all Hyde can see is Jackie. The kid has blond hair, but this darkens as he gets older to Jackie's brunette. The kid does have Hyde's curly hair, though. When Jackie “dies,” Donna is pregnant with her first child. She wanted to share that news with Jackie but never got the chance. Jackie, however, is not dead. Jack goes to her hiding place and relates how her funeral went. Jackie doesn't want to hear it. But Jack stole Hyde's eulogy about her. Jackie's surprised he wrote anything down. Jack says Hyde didn't stick strictly to the eulogy, but the same sentiment is there. Jackie can't bring herself to read it. She stuffs it deep into a drawer. Jackie is very nauseous. She and Hyde had made love before Jack told her she had to “die”. She breastfed her son (using a breast pump) and falsely believed she couldn't get pregnant while breast-feeding. So she and Hyde didn't use protection. Turns out she's pregnant. Jackie freaks out. She says she has to go back to Steven and their son. She can't deprive them or this child of their family. Jack says she has to if she wants her children to survive. Jackie eventually gives birth to a daughter. Next part of the story, Hyde's son is seventeen. He's been affected more by Hyde's grief at Jackie’s absence more than Jackie’s absence itself. In the son's POV, we get that Hyde has this broken piece inside that's never healed. But the son also feels very loved by Hyde. The love/affection Hyde felt for Jackie, he gives to their son. Hyde's overprotective because of what happened to Jackie. This has created a rebellious streak in his son. He’s very much like Hyde. How is he like Jackie, though? When Hyde tells his son the dangers of smoking pot, the son argues that Hyde was a major burnout as a teenager. Hyde says that pot was different then. It's been bred to be way more potent. As usual, people fuck up a good thing. The son knows he looks a lot like his dad. But he looks at pictures of his mom to see how he looks like her. He also asks Hyde what Jackie was like. Hyde tells him. The son also sees happy pictures of Hyde and Jackie together. This has a strong effect on him. Hyde did date during his son's childhood; he had plenty of sex. But no relationships stuck until, maybe, when son was sixteen. Hyde might have a woman living with him; first serious relationship. Maybe it's someone we know from the show. Hyde felt okay to do it once son reached fifteen and was more independent. Hyde raised his son next door to Eric and Donna. Son became best friends with Eric and Donna's daughter. She has low self-esteem when it comes to her looks -- like her dad. Donna's always taught her to value things beyond her appearance. The girl is very, very smart. She has Donna's blue eyes and Eric's brown hair. She has Donna's temper and playfulness, and Eric's depreciating sense of humor and compassion. And Hyde's son is in love with her. But Eric and Donna's daughter thinks she has “a goofy face” because “nothing's symmetrical”. One of her eyes is slanted slightly to the right. The bridge of her nose is curved. One breast is bigger than the other, etc. But Hyde's son likes that. To him, that makes her even more attractive. He likes what breaks from the carbon-copy, plastic, sterile societal idea of perfection (so much like Hyde). Donna and Eric's kid is eight months younger than Hyde's son. She's in the grade below him. That summer, though, Hyde's son goes to rock n' roll camp and meets his sister. He feels instantly connected to her, and that scares him. She looks like Jackie except she has Hyde's blond hair and steel-blue eyes. He's spooked. When he goes home, he tells Eric and Donna's daughter he met someone who looks so much like his mom. She was a loudmouth, too, like Hyde told him Jackie could be.

Eric and Donna's daughter gets jealous, says, “Did you kiss her loudmouth?” Hyde's son says Eric's daughter is sick. He couldn't hook up with someone who looks like his mom. Hyde's son is unsure if he should share this info with his dad. His dad finally seems, if not happy, less pissed off with his girlfriend. Hyde's son doesn't want to open up this can of worms. Eventually, though, the son tells Hyde about it. Or Hyde's son maintains contact with this girl, through letters, and invites her to where he lives to bring her guitar, hang out, and jam, etc. Jackie's daughter was unnerved by the boy she met at that camp. Jackie told her Hyde was dead. She also said his name was “James,” not Hyde or Steven. Jackie never showed her pictures in case her daughter wanted to seek him out (worried she didn't trust Jackie's story about him being dead). Jackie's daughter also thinks that her last name is what Jackie's current fake last name is. And she doesn't know Jackie's real first name. So when Hyde's son asks her her mother's name, she tells him a name other than Jackie, and that crushes Hyde's son's theory. Hyde's son, though, theorizes that maybe his mom's alive. His friends, including Kelso's twin sons, think his conspiracy imagination is acting up again. Hyde's son was raised around Kelso's family, too. Betsy was always the untouchable, unattainable  hot chick. Fez and Laurie's son is their friend, too. Eric and Donna had a son seven years after their daughter. Hyde's son is protective of him. When Jackie's daughter tells Jackie about Hyde's son, Jackie breaks down. She knows exactly who her daughter’s talking about, the name, the physical appearance, and the behavior give him away. She hasn't seen her son in over sixteen years. Jackie's grief is re-opened, and she weeps, and her daughter freaks out a little. Eric may not like that his daughter is dating Hyde's son. Eric thinks Hyde's son is too much like Hyde was pre-Jackie. Hyde gets pissed at this. And later, Hyde's son proves how great he is. He protects Eric and Donna's daughter and/or their son from being hurt by a dangerous situation or person. Jackie only comes out of hiding when the people after her dad are dead -- or she believes they're dead. They might have pulled the same trick on her as she had on them. Jackie became a florist when she went into hiding. A humble florist, someone says, and she says, “Hardly.” She entered contests (rose, etc.) and got high/top honors. Jackie, Hyde, and their children eventually reunite. Hyde, like Jackie, didn't know Jackie was pregnant when she faked her own death. When he learns of his daughter, tears rise to his eyes. He can't help it. He has a girl, Jackie's girl. But the tears aren't just joy. He missed out on (however many) years of her life, her firsts. She didn't have her daddy around to protect her. She grew up without a dad like he did; even when Bud was living with him and his mom, Bud wasn't really present. Hyde also gets worried about the kind of men Jackie brought around their daughter. Hyde grew up with a succession of “uncles,” some better than others, but most were pretty horrible. Jackie reassures him, though, that she didn't date anyone -- which may not have been the best thing. Their daughter doesn't have a great view of men -- or boys.

Which is something her brother will help her with, enough for her to start connecting with Hyde. But Hyde's influence sweeps through her strong, deep, and quick. It's remarkable, and Jackie is grateful for both Hyde and their son's effect on their daughter. Jackie's daughter is also angry at Jackie for keeping her away from her father and brother all these years, even though she also fiercely loves her mom. Jackie is a great mom. So the daughter represses her anger at her mom. She feels guilty for this anger because she understands, intellectually at least, that her mom hid them to protect them.

So who draws out her anger? Her brother. Her brother says feelings are complex, often crashing into each other and making a mess. He got that understanding from his dad, but he doesn't share this fact with his sister (not yet) because she's not into trusting Hyde yet. But once she starts engaging with Hyde, she realizes her brother is so much like their father and that he got a lot of his wisdom from Hyde (not all, though). Jackie and Hyde's daughter's first impression of Hyde: He was a quiet man, on the outside at least. Or maybe he was just guarded, assessing situations before acting. Eventually, she sees how gentle Hyde can be and how fiercely protective of the vulnerable he was -- like her brother.