#I miss dancing ;_;
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Take my hand, take my whole life, too
#anime#art#manga#fanart#bsd#bsd ranpo#bsd poe#ranpo edogawa#edgar allan poe#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#jaxyza#en pointe#pointe#ballet#dance#dancing#believe it or not this is kiiiinda a vent#because due to some unforeseen circumstances I wasn't able to join my studio's concert this year :^(#i miss dancing#but it's okay#looking forward to another chance to dance hehe#duet#duet dance
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I WANT TO DO MY OLD FUCKING HOBBIES AGAIN
I WILL NEVER STOP MOURNING MY LIFE BEFORE
FUCK YOU FOR BEING UNDER THE FUCKING INFLUENCE
I WANT MY LIFE BACK
#chronic pain#disability#physical disability#fuck cars#fuck drivers under the influence#fuck you Brodie#i miss archery#i miss dancing#i miss karate#i miss gymnastics#i miss how happy i was#i miss how it used to be
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I’ve a mighty need to dance with Wyll
#I miss dancing#took 3 styles of lessons simultaneously when I was in elementary#high school I played dance central daily for hours#now I’m just a burnt out adult with so much crafting shit I don’t have the space to even play my cello#but Wyll?#he’d def be the guy to take you even just back to his place to dance and reignite that spark#I’d be tired but it would be fun#and probably so good for me long term#alas#he’s stuck in the tv#rambles#bg3 wyll
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an update to my health issues:
finally got in to see the surgeon after the appointment was rescheduled four times. Unfortunately I get to go for Even More Testing to make sure that the proposed surgery will actually solve the problem. it could take up to six months to get these tests done.
on the upside I did get to say "I've done that" to every suggestion he had for me to try in the meantime. It definitely surprised him that golly gee surgery was not actually my first attempt to solve this.
on the downside I also got the "if you just lose 20 pounds, it might solve itself!" comment. yes thank you, that is definitely not something I have been trying to do for the last three years only to be stopped because I get violently sick after less than half an hour of activity and spend the rest of the day light headed and wobbly.
his response to being told that was "oh that happens."
very helpful.
#ooc#I've been stewing over this since friday afternoon#alternating between disappointment and frustration and rage#i just want to be able to dance again#i miss dancing
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So small update for yall: after a fainting spell at work (I'm fine) I finally bit the bullet and got a smart watch to monitor my heart and went to see my doctor again. Turns out that ~130 is Not a normal resting heart rate, and neither is spiking wildly from 80-120 just because of like. Standing.
So we're doing some more testing for symptoms I thought we'd gotten figured out like. 4 years ago. Which on one hand is nice to get closure and some answers (hopefully) but on the other hand has fucking terrifying implications, because before I thought I just had some chronic pain but that if I pushed hard enough I could exercise and get my body back to being active and normal eventually. Now that we have reason to believe it's heart and blood circulation related, it's a lot less likely.
Like it is nice to know that I'm not just weak and these symptoms aren't normal, but it's also hard to grasp the fact that that means everything I do is going to be harder and more dangerous than for healthier people, and that there's not much I can do about it.
Right now my doctor is looking into POTS, and they're having me get more blood drawn again (I thought we were done with that). I'm also going to wear a heart monitor for a bit which will be neat. I'll try to update yall with any official news but I also want to say for all the other people who might (like me) not realize: despite what funny memes on the internet may tell you, feeling dizzy when you stand up too fast is not normal. Feeling nauseous or light headed when you stand for too long is not normal. Vision bluring/blacking out and feeling like you're going to faint because you walked up one flight of stairs is not normal. Swollen red feet after walking too long is not normal. And finally, uncontrollable sweating/burning hot face even if the rest of your body feels fine or the room temperature is mild is also not normal.
I love you so much, please don't try and just push through it because you think you're just weaker. Get help if you can afford it, and keep pushing if doctors blow you off. You're worth it.
#fi talks#i thought i was just like#out of shape#and that's why i was always out of breath/sweaty/ why exercising was so hard#but noooooo my blood just fuckin loves to pool in my feet ig#now they're gonna strap me to a table and flip me around like a pancake i guess#(a tilt table test-very common for pots testing)#at least my manager is absolutely amazing and helped me out when i was unconscious on the office floor#anyway#tw medical#tw medical gaslighting#medical#physical health#pots#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#yayyyy#i miss dancing#i miss hiking. biking. rollerblading#i miss being active
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Had* to do a pirouette today for the first time in 20 years** and considering how out of shape*** I am and that I was doing it barefoot on a moss covered cement patio I did not fail too terribly****.
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*'had' no one was making me but there was a debate between a pirouette and a plie and there's no way I wasn't gonna show off a little bit
**my last dance class was in... 2002 maybe? I may since have done a casual pirouette in my free time but I honestly don't remember
***5 foot, 5 (AND A HALF) inches and 200 pounds and I'm comfortable with my size but a lack of physical exercise/activity has really shown in my endurance and flexibility
****I didn't make it all the way around but I didn't fall over and my arms/carriage were impeccable
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I genuinely want to dance it out but I have no place to do so
#i miss dancing#it got rid of so much negative energy in me#and i hate that I didn't start until college with classes required for my degree#i want more#bean speaks
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I’ll always miss doin this. I always Aced that shit :/ 😌 something I will brag about
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some dudebros: tom hardy must be held at gunpoint to still be doing these sony venom movies
tom hardy: WRITES the movie, PRODUCES the movies, repeatedly states how much venom and eddie means to him, reads all the comics, #1 veddie shipper
#the straights just don't get it smh#venom#venom the last dance#venom 3#tom hardy#a dude that's just “in it for the bag” would NOT be this involved in the making of a film lemme tell you that#my inner cinephile critiques the films for being objectively bad#but also im having the time of my life so who cares#veddie#symbrock#im gonna miss them so much#i will never forget them
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Venom 3 spoiler warning but like
"Ride me cowboy", "we've been together for a year?", "Sometimes I think we would've been happier you and I living a life like this", them calling each other Thelma and Louise? Them talking about future plans and the camera directly cutting and staying on literal happy newlyweds?? "BUT I NEED HIM BACK" ???? A montage of their time together???? Hello ??? Symbrock nation can you hear me !!!!
#everyone say thank you mr hardy for the full course meal#yes a very best buddies thing to do is to. checks notes. point to a happy nuclear family and tell your ''friend'' thats the life youd want#'youd make a good father' what if i threw up chat#i miss them already#ughhh i love Cinema TM#venom#venom spoilers#venom the last dance#personal nonsense
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patient needs metamy yuri to live
#my yearly romantic pairing drawing lol#i dont usually care for drawing ship art nowadays but i have really missed drawing characters dancing#but i do really like this pairing. when theyre both girls at least lol#fern's sketchbook#sth#metamy#metal sonic#amy rose
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Every time I see someone dancing bachata it makes me want to devour a girl on the dance floor…
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bring your son to work day
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#tsumsted wonderland#sorry this might be it guys#just kind of burnt out right now#i am enjoying the event though! i love these silly beanbags and their charming little adventures#can't wait for silver-tsum to wake up just long enough to take a bullet for malleus-tsum#and i extra extra love malleus and his beanbag both being SO passive-aggressive about missing the pile-up#the solution: DANCE PARTY#APPARENTLY#between this and glorious masquerade i'm starting to think this is malleus' solution to everything#(is this how episode 7 will end) (we DO traditionally get an end-of-episode rhythmic...)#also a+ some truly excellent spritework going on in this on#(sebek crunches down slightly 'RIDE ME WAKATSUMSAMA') (long beat) (malleus and tsum just sliiiiiide away screen left)#genuinely so much funnier than a literal depiction could ever be#anyway i did some careful calculations re:the probability of upcoming cards that i absolutely need and long story short#i am key-poor but tsum!malleus-rich >:)#(immediately goes through and switches all his lesson sprites to having a tsum wobbling on his head) worth it#now watch next month they're going to give us a white rabbit rerun with malleus and/or lilia as the frilliest froufrou bunnies#and i will be thoroughly effed
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The saddest part of Venom: The Last Dance was Venom knew it was his last dance. He knew one of them would have to die and that it would never be Eddie on his watch, so he did what he could. He stalled until he couldn't anymore and while he stalled he took Eddie on the adventure of a lifetime. He danced with Mrs. Chen, went on a road trip and was able to be the hero of the story. He knew he was going to die but by god if he wasn't going to live a little first. They were the Lethal Protector, and, in the end, Venom got to protect the human and planet he loved so very much.
#i miss them already#i cried so hard during this movie#venom the last dance#venom 3#venom#venom symbiote#eddie brock#symbrock#venom the last dance spoilers
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it is so frustrating to be able to do something so easily years ago and now i can barely partake for an hour without almost giving out
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