#I might have used what it's made from perhaps but it's made from me in that state of mind

[thedivinetarot]

2025 predictions

Predictions post

☆ Here's how to chose your pile 🤍🤍🤍

☆ Note:

This is a general reading, those predictions are made with tarot cards and Lenormand. Please take what resonates and leave what doesn't. To ensure those predictions as accurate as possible I did an energy check and I will make it as detailed as possible.

Enjoy the reading dears🤍

Lot's of love and care

Arya

☆So, what is this reading about?

This reading is a predictions about 2025. Also, since it is a general reading take it with a grain of salt! Nothing set in stone. For more specific readings I have an offer and here's the link🤍. Enjoy this month's offer, I kept tarot super affordable and easy. Now let's get to your reading Angels 🦢💕.

Pile 1 - Tarot

1. Work:

Well, for people who are currently employed I see a rapid progress in your field. I see that you might get more enthusiastic and happy about your work life. I see that at some point you'll have a lot of workload but you'll manage it like a pro🤍. Also, I see that a man might help you at work. I'm not seeing any promotions at all, I'm seeing that you might feel nostalgic to someone you worked with or an old job that helped you before. Now, if you are unemployed; I see that you'll get a job after active searching. I see also that a friend will help you find the job and it'll be something online, maybe teaching a language online? Or yk something else like crypto and if you are not interested in that thing it is a job online or you'll find the advertisement online and contact the people. I'm seeking that at first you'll feel very burdened by this job but it'll progress quickly and you'll get used to it.

2. Romance:

Okay, weather you are single, taken, in a situationship I see that the main focus will be on you. Something here is lacking, maybe this year you won't be dating anyone if you are single and if you are indeed in a relationship I see that you'll leave that toxic partner. If you are in a relationship and your partner is NOT toxic then I see that both of you will go through challenges that will test your relationship. If you are single I see that you'll feel very anxious about social gatherings which in turn make you feel more isolated and in turn it'll make it harder for you to get in a relationship. I see that some of you may be working towards healing and transforming, you'll get that baby but you'll face many lessons to love yourself more (I feel like this line is quite vague to let me rephrase it), if you indeed ended up dating someone it'll be a lesson for your growth and not something long lasting. That's what I'm seeing, others as I mentioned will chose to be alone and work on themselves.

3. Finance:

I see that some of you here are already students (college/school) some of you might not worry much about money, if you are a college student or someone who rely on themselves to pay the bill be careful of scam. Some people here might get scammed by something a project perhaps. This person might come to you to share your money with them to open a project or a hustle. But their intentions are not clear or nice. They want that money for themselves. Also, I see that if you are married or in a relationship there will be problems related to finances between you and your partner. I see tension, also gambling? Be careful of giving them your money to gamble it. I see that you can create abundance in your life by being grateful and managing your resources wisely.

4. Soul/ spirituality:

I see that some of you here a new to spirituality and others are in a very developed state. I see that there will be an ending to a phase and beginning of another phase. Also, try to be more receptive to signs and synchronicity because they hold a meaning to guide you further. Some people here are disconnected from their spiritual guides or the universe, they are trying to talk to you by sending signs and you are completely brushing it off which hinder the information to reach to you. Also, I see that you'll be in a more lighter state when it comes to your own rituals, you'll feel more lucky and happy about your progress which in turn will make you very proud. I see messages and communication, again if your guides are sending you signs do not ignore it.

5. Overall:

I see that it'll be a very peaceful year for this group. I see that some people here will find their passions. Other will indulge in creative projects and others will heal emotionally. I see peace and transformation, stability too. I see that some people here especially people working on themselves it'll be a very rewarding year which will make you very proud in turn and build a good foundation for future developments.

Pile 2 - Bunny on mosaic

1. Work:

Hey guys how are you🤍? I hope you are doing well. Anyways, I see that in 2025 you might get a rushing decision to quite you job and start a business on your own. I see that this decision will be taken hastily which is not so good but in the long run it'll being you benefits. I see that you'll commit to a work on your own and in return you'll feel very happy about it. I see that after quitting your job and cutting off ties with people their you'll be on a path of growth but it will be full of danger and beneficial, rewarding at times and full of challenges. Someone old might push you to take this decision, perhaps an old man or a masculine? Ig they will force you to take that decision. And if you are unemployed, I see that you'll start actively applying for jobs that even are not related to your field just to be employed. Now this action will guarantee you with a job that'll at first be so full of burdens but rewarding at the same time. Wish you luck pile 2🤍.

2. Romance:

I see many scenarios here but let's start with my dear single people, anyways I see that your current energy towards love and relationships is quite detached and distant. I see that you no longer care if someone came and go. You are as you are, I see that people here are mostly focusing on their own happiness and healing which is so great. I see that in the beginning of this year nothing really will happen to you at all, no one will come and you'll be alone. As the year progress between June and July I see someone coming in to commit to you. This person is quite fiery and optimistic and I see that you are too comfortable in your own solitude to bother chasing after them. But I see that their intentions are quite honest. This person is very traditional, they'll offer you love and commitment, peace too. Now if you are already in a relationship I see things will be very peaceful and drama free with your SO, they might propose to you too but since this is a general reading you can DM for more tailored one for you and here's the link. Anyways, I see things might progress with you SO and they'll eventually ask for your hand in marriage or long term commitment. If you are dating someone and you are unsure about them I see a break up here but it'll be for your own benefits. I see that after this break up you'll meet the person I said you'll meet above.

3. Finance:

I see you spending money wisely this year also, I don't see a huge shift in your finances. It may get a little tough and be careful of mindless spending. I see that you'll be resilient and overcome any financial challenges this year. Someone here is married or at least there's a masculine in your life who is helping you with finances. I see that some of you will stop taking money from that person and will eventually turn to start working. I see that the bottom energy is quite tough, some people here have been struggling financially and even used for money. I see that you'll be very discerning about who you give your money to which in turn will be very positive as an outcome.

4. Soul/ spirituality:

Okay, I see that there's an important message here for someone which is do NOT IGNORE YOUR INTUITION. I see that your intuition is giving you direction like a gentle tap on the shoulder and guiding you towards chaotic things which will make you feel very uncomfortable. But trust it, whatever comes to you is for your OWN benefit. I see that you'll try to rationalize things which will prevent your own transition and growth. Do not hold onto stuff that no longer serve you. If you are still hanging around in a toxic environment and hesitant to leave I assure you that you have outgrown them baby. I see also some people here are getting spontaneous downloads from the universe but keeps ignoring them. I see healing this year, I see that you'll be very healed after this year.

5. Overall:

I see that what you are planning for in this year will not happen exactly like you wish but it will happen in a way that will make you very fulfilled (how can I say?) Oh yes! You'll get what you want but not in the way that you wish for. I see that some of you by the end of this year will be married or in a long term relationship, there'san emphasis on stability so ig if you are working to buy a house and be independent you'll have that dear. Others here will be more assertive and independent. And for people who do seek emotional healing; you'll be healed as long as you work on it. I see a warning here, the warning is be careful of getting attached in an unhealthy way especially romantic attachment. Take care, lots of love pile 2💕.

Pile 3 - Love jar

1. Work:

Some people here are stuck in a very toxic 9-5 job and you have been in this position for ages, I'm talking about years in this job and all of sudden you'll either quit OR get fired from your current job. I see that people in this group are very smart and strategic, I see that you'll literally use you resources and social life to get in a better position or find another good job. I see that (if you quit on your own) you'll meet someone and fall in love with them and it'll end up in marriage or long term relationship. Now if you are unemployed; I see that the period of unemployment will end very soon, I see that you'll get a job offer, it'll pay you a very good amount and you'll be independent and abundant on your own. This offer will come from a man or someone you know, a neighbor? Perhaps someone in your neighborhood will help you get that offer. I see that people here will cut contact with toxic friends or co-workers. I see that if you are from the first energy (employed, want want quit) you'll be very healed and happy for that decision.

2. Romance:

I see that you'll get a stable love offer but you'll be very hesitant about accepting it. I see that people here are still stuck on a situationship or an Ex. I see that emotionally you are still attached to that one Ex and if you are not so then you might be subconsciously still processing that attachment to them. I see also that some of you here (singles) are quite pessimistic about finding someone that is going to love you. I see that you have this mindset that "I'm not enough" and "no one likes me" and you keep repeating this toxic narrative which get you stuck. What you have to do (from my perspective) is to heal your self worth and self esteem. I see that you are very defensive when it comes to letting your guard down which drive potential suitors away. Now, as I mentioned above there's someone coming for you but are you ready to accept them? Are you emotionally in the right space to love them? Pile 3 when you ask for love the universe doesn't say no it says "are you ready for that?" So use this for your advantage. Anyways, for my beautiful in a partnership people I see that your relationship with your SO will deepen a bit this year and I see that you'll both spend unhealthy amount of time clinging to each other, I see that there's nothing wrong with that but a little space can make wonders. Others here might actually end a toxic relationship with a spouse or long term partner.

3. Finance:

Some people here are manifesting abundance and fueling this beautiful manifestations with beautiful abundant feelings but the problem here is be careful of falling into wishful thinking instead of manifesting (yeah that might happen) I see that you might be someone who is either being provided for or your job doesn't really require that much of a labor. But still if you are manifesting you need to actually believe that you'll get that amount AND NOT wish for it. Like for example: I'm manifesting an SO into my life so instead of wishing for an SO like "ooh this couple is so cute I (wish) I could date someone" here is a state of wishing not believing. Actual believe is seeing a couple and instead of wishing you say "I (believe) that the universe will send me a partner that is aligned with my highest good". You see the difference? Let's get into your finances again. I see that if you are searching for a job, you'll find one and by the end of this year as I mentioned in the first section you'll be very stable and abundant. Also, it'll require you to have courage and strength to achieve it (both finances and the job). I'm sure you can do it babe💋💋.

4. Soul/ spirituality:

Okay, I see that if you are already spiritual, I see that your root chakra will be very stable and strong this year. If you came from the first 3 sections I see that getting that job will make you feel more secure and even your solar plexus chakra will rock it this year. Your self esteem will be off the charts and you'll feel victorious!. Anyways now if you are not spiritual which is obvious in this spread be careful of ego-centric thoughts and greed. Some people here are very disconnected from the source/God/universe or whatever you believe in. I see that you need to be careful this group's energy is quite karmic, so be careful of running away from karmic lessons and instead embraced them pile 3. I wish you a good year.

5. Overall:

As I mentioned above for some of you, this year will be very karmic so be careful guys of refusing to take the lesson. It is for your highest good. Also, there's a masculine in your house that is hiding something from you, I'm not quite sure what it is and this might not be for everyone, now because this is a general reading you can DM me if you are interested in a tailored reading for you and here's this month's offer. I see that in this year you'll reach material stability, and be more balanced spiritually and above all some people here will get in meditation as a way to soothe anxiety and stress. Other's will be very overwhelmed and stressed out that's why you'll get into meditation. Take care pile 3 and let's of love💕.

Pile 4 - Aphrodite statue

1. Work:

I doubt if this group work or not but anyways. If you are unemployed I see that money and abundance will come to you effortlessly this year. And if you are already employed I see that you'll be very popular in your work field and all eyes will be on you. Some people here are wondering if they can start content creating but afraid of the instability of this field, what I'm seeing is you'll be very liked by people and you'll get popular very fast, if you have cancer in your 10th house or MC in cancer I see that this year will bring you a lot of attention and love from people in your work field or the internet. Other's here want to sign up in a modeling agency but are afraid to fail, now no you won't fail or get rejected and if you get rejected consider rejection as I redirection for a better place. Some people here are already artist, you draw, write, paint, or do other artistic stuff I see that this thing will open you a very good business. The growth of this business will be steady and very rewarding. I see also some interaction between you and your fans and it'll be a very loving, supportive relationship. I see abundance too, if you are scared to start your hand-made business or use your talent for money tale this reading as a sign of success.

And since this is a general reading made with love and patience, you can DM me for a tailored reading for you; I have done an offer this month here you can check it our of you are interested 💕.

2. Romance:

Guys, I see that you'll either be in a two romantic relationships this year or you'll chose between two people. I see that if it is the first option (two people in this year) one of them is young, fiery, charismatic and optimistic. This person will change you and make you more aware of the hidden aspects in you. This person will open your eyes and force you to trust your intuition which in turn will lead you to the second person. The second person is older than you, grounded, protective and resourceful, they want a family and to build a stable foundation with you. This person does not play around at all, when they put their mind to something they make it happen. This person will bring love, stability and connections to your life. For others; you'll date or meet them both but at the end you'll have to only chose one. There's an advice here about being very discerning and clear about what you want. Because the second person will be chosen by your intuition. I see that your intuition will guide you towards this person. In this pile I'm not picking up on people in long term relationship if you are curious you can chose another pile and ask "how my romantic life will be in 2025?" And see what you'll get. Anyways, I see that your decision will bring you a very happy, stable and emotionally fulfilling relationship with that one person. And if you are not really looking for anything serious, I see that your dating life will be very rich with suitors in 2025.

3. Finance:

I see that if you already have read the first section from this pile then what I'm going to say next will make you very hopeful. If you are pursuing a talent and want to make it a business I see that you'll be very successful. Your finances this year will improve, I see at first you'll go through many hardships and as you progress it'll be easier and and easier. I see that for some of you; you may sign a contract with an agency, company or any organization which in turn will open a door of independence and solid ground for you. I see that you'll get very overwhelmed at first but as you think it through everything will move as it should. There's a message here about divine timing and discernment. If you are waiting for something it'll happen but in the divine timing and if you are currently searching for a job you need to use your discernment and cut through confusion. Also, there's an end to a very hard period of financial instability. This year will be marked by independence and self sufficiency.

4. Soul/ spirituality:

This pile’s energy is quite toxic but anyways. Guys, do you have daddy issues? I see that in this year specifically you'll feel extra sensitive from that. I see that this person will try to manipulate or control your life by using their resources and your wound will be torn open again. But this time it won't hurt as much like the 1st time but it'll be the universe's way to make sure that you learned the lesson. I see that you'll have to end this relationship with him because of how much pressure and manipulation they place on you. This person is your enemy and their relationship with you is karmic and abusive. Some people here have a narcissistic father whom their whole life tried to manipulate and hurt you. I see that your energy towards that will be very balanced and calm. You won't shout, you won't cry, like everything inside you for them has already ended. I see a history of abuse here, some of you have a CPTD from their father. This man literally was playing you by threatening you with money or not paying for you. Maybe because you'll be independent? They'll try to assert their grip on you again? Yeah ig so. Be careful of quitting for peace sake, you don't want peace you want to be able to stand on your own feet. I don't know why I turned this portion to something about psychology instead of spirituality, so maybe this is your lesson this year? To be able to see through this man's bullshit (sorry guys I felt mad🥺). Yeah also, there's shedding here, this year many of you will shed their own beliefs and old self, other's will have a spiritual awakening.

5. Overall:

I see that this year will be marked by a very deep transformation here but mostly about love. I see that love will be a huge chapter in this year. The person I told you about will give you strength and happiness to continue moving forward with grace. I see that this person will show you unlimited possibilities and will be very supportive of you🤍.

This pile was the longest pile but anyways, love you guys and take care💕.

Post date: 9th of Jan/2025 - Thur

*Feedback back is more than appreciated baby💕

[stxneflxwers]

I saw your post and came running 👀 I've been thinking about this since the end of December bc I really did not get into the holiday spirit until after it was over lmao BUT for any characters you want to write for: what are they like during the holidays? What traditions do they like to do? What gifts do they give you?

(Extra ideas you can take or leave if it helps your inspiration at all — How does Aventurine feel when you tell him you don't need any of those expensive gifts, just time with him? How does Sunday react when you sit him down to tell him he's stressing himself out too hard trying to find a perfect gift for you and that all you want is for him to be happy? How does Dan Heng respond when you tell him that the only gift you want for the holidays is him?)

^ I've just been rotating the hsr boys in my head all day at work lol so I have a lot of Thoughts™

gift of love.

summary. the greatest gift of all is his love.

a/n. tysm for the request!!! i decided to settle with gift-giving ideas you offered, since it sounded interesting and cute!! im just gonna stick with aven and sunday for this tho... i wanna test how sunday writes for me.

characters. aventurine. sunday.

cw. first time writing for sunday (this is more of a test with how much i enjoy writing him, sry for any OOC-ness). gift-giving. all lowercase. established relationship(s). PLS NOTE THAT I HAVEN'T DONE THE NEW TRAILBLAZE MISSION STILL CUZ I'M A LAZY MFER...SORRY.

aventurine.

tries to be soooo sneaky about figuring out what you like as gifts. he wants all of his gifts to be a surprise, after all! it doesn't work. you see right through his game plan. he's a smidgen disappointed (with himself), and might be a bit surprised depending on the kind of person you are.

he still ends up showering you in expensive gifts of things you enjoy. he tries to find the most expensive edition of any of those things even though he, of all people, should know that expensive ≠ well-made. you have to tell him to chill out.

he immediately believes you're angry with him (why wouldn't you be?). but you're not, and you can see the panic flash in his eyes for the tiniest of moments. you sigh softly with a wary smile. you briefly give him some space before talking to him about it.

you tell him that all the most expensive gifts in the world are nothing in comparison to quality time together. you remain patient with an open-mind and a listening ear – you know he needs a wealth of both. you make sure to tell him you miss him.

his mouth hangs open in silence when you tell him that, for once he's at a loss for words. his mouth closes and he smiles. he takes you into a soft hug and whispers, "i miss you too."

he makes an evident effort to be around you more often when he does have the time. you know, instead of wasting half of it out in the casino.

and it makes all the difference.

sunday.

the most perfectionist to ever perfectionist. stop him before he literally keels over from stress.

thankfully, you notice how weary he's been. and you ask him what's wrong. because at this point – everyone knows, everyone notices how he's been stuck in his head (more than usual). he frets over little things, as usual. but now he seems almost snippy. birdie is cranky.

when he eventually gives in and confesses that he cannot find the "right" gift for you, you're smiling and shaking your head. you give him a very long moment of silence, testing him – seeing if he catches on what you'll say next.

he doesn't catch on "quick enough", much to his dismay. perhaps he hasn't adjusted to your praises and reassurances...yet.

you tell him that the greatest gift of all would be for him to be happy. to be relaxed. to be in the moment. you throw in a little whisper, "maybe by my side, too."

he's silent – his mind running amok with what to say next. he settles for an awkward yet genuinely affectionate, "thank you..."

and then he asks for your forgiveness once he collects himself. you laugh softly and forgive him, you've gotten used to him asking for your forgiveness rather often. only yours, though.

at some point, you're going to need to tell him that forgiving himself is far more important.

[solxamber]

Genshin, 5, fluff please!!!

oh!! the first and only genshin rq for the event!

Whispers in the Rain || Neuvillette

For the Holiday Event! || Prompt: "It's always been you" ; Genre: Fluff (+ very mild hurt/comfort)

The rain hadn’t let up all day, pouring down in sheets and soaking everything in sight. You’d started to think the weather was getting a little too reflective of emotions, and when the puddles were practically swallowing the streets, you decided to head straight to Palais Mermonia.

Neuvillette had to be the reason for this gloomy deluge. It wasn’t the first time his feelings had leaked into Fontaine’s weather report, and you were worried something had really gotten to him this time.

But before you could even knock on his office door, a couple of melusines surrounded you, tugging at your sleeves.

“Hey! What—okay, okay, I’m going!” you huffed, letting them push you into his office like you weren’t already on your way.

Neuvillette was sitting at his desk, gazing out the rain-streaked window. He looked so serious, his hands folded on the desk and his jaw tight. His usual calmness was there, but it felt... heavier.

“Neuvillette?”

His head snapped toward you, his eyes wide for a split second before they narrowed. He stood up slowly, his frame towering as always, but there was something different in his posture—something guarded.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said, his tone soft but strangely distant. “Not in this weather.”

“I could say the same to you,” you shot back, stepping inside fully. “What’s going on? It’s been raining all day, and you’re—”

“It doesn’t concern you.” His voice was clipped, and that caught you off guard.

“Okay, ouch.” You crossed your arms, not budging. “It obviously concerns me if you’re this upset. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

He sighed, turning back toward the window, his shoulders tense. “I’ve heard things. From Furina.”

“Furina?” you repeated, already bracing yourself for whatever nonsense the former Archon had put in his head.

“She said you might have feelings for someone else,” he admitted, his voice quieter now. “That perhaps I misjudged everything between us.”

You blinked, caught between laughing and smacking your forehead. Of course, Furina was stirring the pot. She did tell you she was going to give him a little 'nudge', whatever that meant.

“Neuvillette, seriously?” you asked, stepping closer. “You think I’m here in the middle of a storm because I like someone else?”

His gaze finally met yours, and there it was: vulnerability. That small crack in his usual composure that made your heart ache.

“I don’t know what to think,” he said softly.

You reached for his hands, gently pulling them into yours. “You should know me better than that. It’s always been you, Neuvillette. I know why Furina said that, but she’s wrong. Dead wrong.”

His expression shifted—relief, surprise, maybe a little disbelief—but the rain outside started to ease, the downpour softening into a drizzle.

“You mean that?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Every word,” you said, giving his hands a squeeze.

Something in him seemed to break free, like the weight of the storm had finally lifted. Before you could react, he pulled you into a tight embrace, his arms firm and steady around you.

“I’ve been so foolish,” he murmured against your hair.

“You’re not foolish,” you said, though you were pretty sure you were muffled by his chest. “Just... a little dramatic.”

He pulled back just enough to look at you, his lips curving into a small smile. “I’ve never been told that before.”

You grinned. “Guess you’ll have to keep hearing it, because I’m not going anywhere.”

His gaze softened, and before you knew it, he was leaning down, his lips brushing against yours in a kiss that was as soft and warm as the sunlight breaking through the clouds outside.

When you finally pulled back, you couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh! Rain’s already clearing up.”

“It means you’re my light,” he said quietly, his forehead resting against yours.

“Cheesy,” you teased, but your heart was soaring anyway.

Masterlist

[spectrechosts]

The vampire stands silently in the doorway of my study.

She waits for my invitation, though she does not require it. She is inside my lair already, comes and goes to do my bidding. I know not why she hesitates, why she watches me work from a distance. Perhaps she plots my downfall?

Many a necromancer has met their end between the jaws of a vampiric servant. The vampire is far craftier than the mindless zombie, the puppet skeleton. The vampire is prideful, scheming- has goals and desires all its own. The autonomy that makes one useful also makes them a threat.

"Come in."

She glides across the room soundlessly, kneels beside my desk chair, head down. Her subservient demeanor is- excessive, she lays it on much too thick. I'm not fool enough to question if it might be sincere, only if it's meant to hide that she's using me or that she simply wants me dead.

"I have quelled the villagers as you asked, my penumbral Mistress."

~Penumbral Mistress~, feh, who falls for such simpering acts?

"Their newly dead are being carted to your mausoleum, and the excavation of their graveyards is back underway. All is as you desire."

Suspicions aside, she does good work. Such uprisings used to set me back weeks, now she settles them in a few nights at most. Whatever she plans, she's useful enough to be worth it.

Besides, I am no neophyte, playing with forces beyond her control. I am a necromancer, and she is undead. The moment she lifts a hand against me will be the moment she is flayed from within, her unbeating heart exposed to the light of the sun for her treachery.

"Excellent," I say. "What do I owe you for your services?"

She deigns to lift her head, to look at me.

"I wish to taste you, my Mistress."

Ugh, vampires, predictable.

"Very well. Open."

I take her chin with one hand as she opens her jaws. My other hand I rest on her cheek, placing my thumb into her open mouth. I swipe it across her teeth, trace it up a sharp fang and press the pad into the needle-tip until it punctures the skin. I pull off the fang and press my now-bloodied thumb into her tongue, holding it to the floor of her mouth.

Through it all she doesn't move an inch. She watches me wide-eyed, unblinking, unbreathing. I am of course warded against the hypnotic gaze of her kind, though- I don't feel her trying to use it. Perhaps she does this to lower my guard, in the hopes that one of these feedings I'll forget, I'll trust her enough not to bother. Perhaps she is so beneath me it doesn't register.

Perhaps she is simply stupid, and doesn't even think to try.

She swallows softly as I hold her there, the tiny amount of blood enough to bring color to her cheeks.

"Enough," I say, removing my thumb from her mouth. The vampire whimpers softly, but I am far too important to be made a meal. "Slake your thirst on some peasant, I have work to do."

She swallows again, her eyes pleading before she casts them back to the stone floor.

"Of course, Mistress."

[lanafofana]

lana, may i humbly request a teeny bit of rookanis please? with or without spite, up to you

Anything for you Doe! ‘In the hands of a master the simplest of weapons was transformed into an artist’s tool. When he moved, the blade acted as an extension of his very will. Light flickered off the edge like a dance echoed in the perfect choreography of an a—

“Rook.”

The quill made a wet inky smear across the page as it slipped from between Bellara’s startled fingers. Below her perch, the thunk of blade against cutting board seemed a tad more menacing when one realized Spite was on the other end of it.

“Spite. Hello.” Rook’s voice was warm and friendly as always. Privately Bellara marveled that her protagonist boss was so unflappable in the weirdest of situations. “Does Lucanis know that you’re…um. What are you doing?”

“Preparing. Food. Feed the.” Spite growled, low and guttural, as if slipping out of the range of his vocabulary and displeased by it.

“Are you making dinner for everyone?” Rook supplied, her voice slowly approaching as she drew closer to see what Spite had wrought of their provisions.

“Yes,” confirmed Spite.

“I see. That’s, well,” faltered Rook. “I think that’s potentially very nice. Well done trying to help Lucanis with meals. I do have one question though, just a thought. Feel free to not answer.”

“Ask. Question!”

“Do you have any idea what to feed, um, people?”

Spite was silent for a long moment. The sounds of a knife slicing through something and hitting the cutting board started up again, slowly at first and then gaining more speed. And then, finally, Spite said: “Cut into pieces, collect into pot, fire!”

“I see you’ve been paying attention to Lucanis’ cooking,” Rook’s voice noted, amused. “Perhaps I can answer any questions you might have on what types of things you should be cutting into pieces.”

“Types,” grunted Spite.

“Types of food,” said Rook. “Cheese. Bread. Fresh things, you know like, uh, fruits and vegetables. Fish, venison, pork…that mystery jerkey Solas left behind in the back.”

“Mystery…” Spite’s knife paused on the cutting board. “This? Not. Food?”

“No,” said Rook, sounding relieved their impromptu lesson on digestible ingredients had taken root. “No. That’s not food.”

“Start. Over?” Spite demanded, sounding torn between anger and, just detectable in the lilt of his pout, frustration.

“That’s alright. You learned a new thing anyway,” said Rook. “Tell you what, I’ll take care of dinner tonight and next time I’ll teach you something easy you can make everyone. All by yourself if you really want.”

Spite growled.

“Or we can make it a group effort. See if Manfred wants to learn a new recipe besides tea and those little sandwiches.”

“Curiosity doesn’t? Know recipe?”

“I haven’t taught them anything in the kitchen so I don’t really know. Probably not.”

“Rook teach Spite,” declared Spite suddenly. “Not Curiosity!”

“How will Curiosity, I mean Manfred, learn something new then?”

Spite nearly shouted in his excitement. “Spite! Teach! Curiosity!” Spite laughed, a hoarse dry cackle that raised the hairs on the back of Bellara’s neck.

“If you like,” said Rook gamely. “For now, if you grab me some onions from the back I can show you a couple other ways to cut up vegetables.”

The sound of the knife clattering to the table was followed by the retreat of footsteps as Spite retrieved the onions. Bellara leaned out of her hiding spot and could just barely see Rook’s profile as she cleared whatever Spite had been diligently dicing into the garbage bin.

“Rook?” Lucanis, having just emerged from the pantry, blinked sleepily as he looked from the onions in his hands to Rook, confusion bleeding into dismay.

“Spite thought you could use a break from cooking,” Rook said, taking the onions from him and returning to the kitchen. “Might have a point too, you look tired.”

“I’m fine.”

“Lucanis.”

The assassin set his jaw. “I’m fine.”

Rook’s grip on the onions tightened before her shoulders drooped and she sighed. “None of us are fine, Lucanis.” The sound of a knife slicing through onion started up and the crinkle of paper onion skin being discarded followed. “It’s alright to depend on us as much as we depend on you.”

“Are you giving me one of your famous pep talks?”

“Only if it’s working.”

“Hmm,” Lucanis joined Rook in the kitchen. His arms folded while he watched her knife work. “You should take your own advice some time.”

Rook looked at him from the corner of her eye. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You don’t always have to be the one to pick up the slack. Let someone else cook, you’ve been going at full speed ever since—”

“I’m fine.”

“Ah,” said the assassin with a smile Bellara didn’t have to see to know was gracing the curve of his lips. “Of course.”

Rook’s hands stilled and she shot Lucanis an annoyed look. “Point taken, Dellamorte.” She hesitated, head dipping down, and then sighed as if very gently releasing a hidden pressure valve in her chest. “Sometimes I think if I stand in one place too long, my secret will be out.”

Lucanis tilted his head to one side, “And what secret is that?”

A hollow, self deprecating laugh shook loose in the silence. “What an utter fraud I am.”

“Nobody who has seen you do the things you have could think you’re a fraud.”

Rooks hair moved as she shook her head. “I wasn’t meant for this. Leadership? Me? I don’t know what I’m doing and any minute it feels like someone’s going to call my bluff.”

“Nobody questions your leadership,” said Lucanis, still staring at Rook’s face as if waiting for it to crack open and reveal the secrets hidden within.

“Maybe they should,” she retorted.

“Rook.”

“Lucanis,” she parroted.

“Are all Lords of Fortune as insufferable as you are?”

“No,” Rook laughed. “I’m one of a kind.”

“I was already aware of that.” Bellara felt her heart swell to burst and clamped her mouth shut on a squeal before it could escape.

Rook sucked in a breath and finally tilted her head to meet the assassin’s eyes. “Now who’s giving the pep talk?”

“I told you, did I not?” Lucanis closed the distance between them and nuzzled his face into her hair, hands on her hips. “When you doubted yourself, I would be here to remind you how magnificent you are.”

“Magnificent is a bit much, don’t you think?”

Lucanis was adamant. “Magnificent,” he murmured into her hair. “Magnificent,” he said against the warm freckled skin of her neck. With a deft touch he removed the knife from her hand and placed it with the onions. Tugging on her hands Lucanis drew her away from the kitchen and into a soft embrace. “Magnificent,” he promised.

“Sap,” Rook scoffed through a smile. “What are we going to do about dinner?”

Lucanis grinned. “Bellara volunteered.”

From her perch Bellara’s heart stuttered.

“She did?” Rook asked as Lucanis led her away towards the main door.

“She did,” confirmed Lucanis.

From her corner Bellara peered around the edge of her hiding spot and locked eyes with the crow. He winked before ushering Rook out of the building.

[later, in another part of the lighthouse] Emmrich: where the devil are my gloves Manfred: *innocent hiss*

[raintemper]

More of them,, but they’re robot cats this time lol… I’ll draw Moon and Pebbles soon, and some others maybe

I’ll do anything but actually draw them as Iterators apparently

Don't look too close, Ive never drawn such mech heavy designs until now...I don't know what I'm doing. I got a little more confident with NSH but I was absolutely just going blind with Suns. It took me 2 days to figure out how I wanted to start with Suns...

Some background info dump of them for this? Au??? Idk yet lol, under the line if interested

Erhm. Set in a post apocalyptic world, much like how Rain World actually is. Alternative timeline where iterators don't exist?? Failed??? The ancients have not yet ascended?? Maybe??? Idk the details are still blurry to me also 😞. They are in a high security lab facility ground type setting. (Perhaps just an excuse for me to draw apocalyptic higher tech designs????) It is cold outside, some failed iterator structures still produce rain, and occasionally the air may become toxic.

Suns is an offensive/surveillance model meant for fighting and protecting as one can probably tell with his tail blades. It folds back in an attempt to make it less dangerous and also functions as a way to swiftly cut into something if needed. They are the only one of them (excluding Pebbles for special reasons) to be equipped with a mouth hiding sharp teeth and/or lasers for even more attack prowess. They are also still huge. Sorry I run with the huge Suns agenda. He is a tower. Easily wrestles most lizards. I still like the idea of fluffy Suns, so he still has it as a robot cat. Some insulation for the colder outside temperatures, he's outside a lot. Suns is not built to be friendly. Mostly acts and behaves as an unassuming robot early on.

Moon and Suns were the first properly functional/successful projects. They were edited and reconstructed a lot from beginning to now. Maybe they were both originally purposed as therapeutic companions.

The overseers are little drones that fly around. They still project things and are still sometimes unhelpful with directions, follow at your own discretion. The lizards and predators mostly ignore them as well. They do recognize the different drones with time. They've learned to recognize NSH's drones, which sometimes might contain some edible collected material, so they do occasionally try to eat those. And most of the smaller predators try to leave the area if they see Suns' drones.

NSH is closer to a pet model. He is made for reconnaissance and scouting. He is still tiny because I like him tiny, he's adorable. NSH has three pairs of legs for rough terrain traversal, and is a fast little guy. He helps in collecting samples and materials from the outside, marking maps, as well as finding viable safe spots/shelters. He has no mouth but has a component in his chest where he can collect small samples, as well as storage units in his drones to store excess. He has small vials of decontaminate fluid to clean any samples he collects, they have to be refilled occasionally. Also, as mentioned in the art, he can open his neck and chest area and just swallow bigger samples. He can even keep them alive inside him if he wants to. Otherwise, they're killed and turned into power for him to use. Sometimes he finds lizards with cool patterns and tries to swallow them to show Suns, who oftentimes will kill it afterwards.

He was the experimental project for emotive programming alongside Unparalleled Innocence/UI, hence his fully functioning screen as a face. As opposed to Suns, who functions more as a security camera. I think NSH and UI are both similar in the more playful/chaotic personalities, so I decided for them to be created around the same time and put into the same testing. Overtime, UI did not respond very well and was repurposed (She's not gone). Emotive sentience was programmed into NSH first and then tested on Moon. It was generally successful in both cases. NSH really enjoys messing around and can even imitate his fellow iterators faces. It works really well temporarily scaring predators using Suns' color markings lol.

Because NSH and Suns are both outside often, they have solar panel components in their design for extra power. The two of them are very close because of their shared experiences. NSH likes the outside more, Suns has little opinions of it. They worry about NSH because he's so small and curious and occasionally brings back dangerous things.

Suns is a little bit of an outcast here because of his difference in role. He is mostly left to roam and function on his own/not approached as he carries his role. The others are research focused and Suns is more obviously purposed for battle, so there is a little bit of a divide. Not to mention, he technically does not have the programming for emotions that Moon and NSH have. Suns does learn on his own though :D, some of it is learned from NSH too

I will leave it here for now. I will probably talk more about Moon and Pebbles for their own post. And the others as well. I'm still thinking about their designs though.

Erhm hopefully this makes sense somewhat and was at least a fun read.

[aishangotome]

[Azel] The Mean Unicorn's Greedy Desire (Bday Story) - Part 1

It had been a while since I started staying in Tanzanite as a traveling merchant---

The day of the Nativity Festival arrived, celebrating the day the living god, worshipped as the incarnation of the moon, descended to this world.

(Amazing... Everywhere is bustling with festivities.)

The shop on the right is selling palm-sized statues of the living god, and the shop on the left is selling commemorative coins that were apparently made to celebrate this year's Nativity Festival...

If I look ahead, I see a multitude of people praying around the statue of the living god, and if I look behind, I see dancers performing a dance dedicated to the god.

The market, filled with a mix of locals and tourists, was so crowded that it was difficult to even walk, so as soon as I finished the job the owner asked me to do, I rushed into a nearby alley.

(I didn't think the crowds would be this bad, but surely there's no one in the back alley––)

Azel: ...Huh?

Emma: Eh...?

Standing right in front of me was the god himself.

(Am I having a daydream?)

I rubbed my eyes and looked again, but the scene didn't change.

Emma: Why is Prince Azel in a place like this–– Nggh!?

Azel: Don't make a fuss, don't shout, be quiet! Do you want to be sued for damages? Fine with that, huh?

(That's so unreasonable!)

Azel quickly closed the distance between us, covered my mouth with his hand, and dragged me into the shadows.

(Is he perhaps hiding?)

When I signaled with my eyes that "I'll be quiet," he finally let go of my hand.

Azel: Of all people, why did you have to find me? This is the worst.

Emma: Were you doing something bad?

Azel: If I were, you wouldn't see tomorrow.

Emma: ...I'm glad that's not the case.

Emma: But, why is the guest of honor himself in the shade on a day like this?

Azel: Did it look like I was having fun?

Emma: ...No.

Azel: That's how it is.

(No, what does that mean?)

Azel let out a huge sigh by my ear.

It tickled, and my shoulders jumped, but Azel didn't seem to notice.

Azel: Do you know what day it is today?

Emma: It's Prince Azel's birthday, right? Happy Birthday.

Azel: Thank you. I'll be collecting presents later, so please be prepared.

(Shoot, I wasn't thinking!)

Azel: I prefer presents with actual items rather than just feelings.

Emma: ...So that's how it is.

Azel: But what all the citizens want to give me are "feelings."

Azel: No, even feelings are questionable... Anyway, people don't really care much about "whether I'll be happy or not."

(Is that... so?)

Azel: What do you think would happen if I went out on the main street now?

Emma: It might cause a commotion. Everywhere is already buzzing about Prince Azel.

Azel: In other words, that's how it'll be.

(I see, I understand now. He's hiding here because he doesn't want to cause a stir.)

As soon as one question was resolved, another one immediately popped up.

Emma: Wouldn't it have been better to stay in the usual temple...?

Azel: That's why I'm here, isn't it?

Perhaps out of spite or something, he pinched my cheek.

Azel: The main event of the Nativity Festival is the divine ritual.

Azel: If I skip this, the whole nation will start making a fuss, wondering if something has happened to the god, and politics, economy, everything will collapse.

Emma: That's a bit of an exaggeration...

Azel: You think so?

Azel: But it's no exaggeration to say that for the people of Tanzanite, god is the pillar of their spirit.

Azel: If that pillar cracks even a little, people will lose their minds.

Azel: For example, you like books, right? You might not be able to read them at all from tomorrow...

Azel: If that were to happen, could you remain calm?

Emma: I might not be able to.

Azel: That's how big of a deal it is for someone to lose their spiritual support.

Azel: ...Though it's a huge pain.

(Somehow... I think I understand.)

(Azel has to go to the castle no matter what, for the sake of the people.)

(Because that's his duty as a god.)

Emma: Is there no secret passage to get to the castle?

Azel: No. The more entrances the castle has, the more invasion routes there will be.

Azel: Tanzanite Castle is built in such a way that there is no other way to get there than through the main street.

(So, a commotion is unavoidable...)

Emma: Then, I'll be cheering you on from the shadows.

(There's nothing I can do anyway...)

Just as his hand left my cheek and I was about to turn around, he placed his hands on both my shoulders.

Azel: That's not right, is it?

Emma: Wh-What do you mean?

He squeezed my shoulders tightly, putting pressure on me both physically and mentally.

Azel: You think you can just go somewhere without giving me a present?

Azel: By the way, I don't want anything you just randomly bought at the market.

Emma: But, you want a physical item, right?

Azel: A thoughtless item is the same as bulky trash.

Azel: Let me see, what I want from you...

Azel, who had been lost in thought, suddenly changed his expression to a god-like benevolent smile.

I couldn't help but tense up.

Azel: I've never had a birthday cake before, so I'd like that.

Emma: ...Eh, never, ever?

Azel: Never. Because I'm a god.

(Oh right... The way gods celebrate is different from ordinary people.)

(But, why... does his smile seem sad?)

Emma: If I can use the castle kitchen, I can make one...

Azel: I'll arrange it. But for that, you have to go to the castle with me.

Emma: Together...?

Azel: Yes, together.

(If we go to the castle together, won't we get caught up in the commotion...?)

Azel: You want to celebrate me, don't you? You do, right?

The god enveloped me in a benevolent smile, as if bathed in a halo of light.

Azel: Very well. I will offer you my divine lending service at a special price.

Azel: Just for today, I am yours... In other words, we are bound by fate. Please take care of me.

(This wicked god––!)

.

.

.

Part 2

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[passionatelyxlust]

Lust silently shook his head at the subject of Kai, agreeing that the time witch living in the only house he called home was a raging dick the Prince had only been cordial with for Azriel's sake. It's nothing short of surprising when the severity of Gluttony's punishment diminished how in tune his brother typically is with the intel floating about the mansion so he could understand how the reasons behind Kai's stay missed the prince of Gluttony's ears. As for the punishments courtesy of the King, Lust knew his punishment if he and Az came out of hiding would be rather permanent, Azriel would perish first painfully and slowly while he watched helplessly and then he himself would have died an agonizing death that perhaps Gluttony will be made to watch just to rub salt in the excruciating wounds. The anger shocked him, however, but it did not frighten him either. Lust rarely ever traveled such a dark route, playing the uncaring brother too preoccupied by the activities in the bedroom rather than the white hot fury his brother Wrath is well-known for. The prince dragged his attention on Gluttony, his sibling's grip grounding him from visions of ripping into the King's jugular even while he was not his kill. "Gluttony, look at me," Lust lifted his hands and wrapped his fingers around the other's wrists, hearing Gluttony's words and comprehending the dangers, but still willing to take them for the one person who gave him strength everyday. "The King might be too distracted by Isabel to come searching for us if the battle is as close to kickoff as you may claim. She has a plan and I am trusting her with it." The hinderance of emotions Bel was playing at still caused some concern, but he had faith in her and in the inkling the King would find her so intoxicating that punishing Lust took a backseat on his list of priorities. "We're on the cusp of the battle anyway, Gluts. I can't forgive myself if I don't make it home in time and it is already too late." Lust dropped his hands in exasperation, knowing he should wait but feeling the pull towards his brother dragging him to his twin. Aching to fill the void, complete it, the way it should always be. "Don't say that. I know the same spiraling thought that has crossed your mind since he took everything and trust me...it's a dark place. One I'd be in myself if I ever lost you." A thought he's had before back in Hell, yet, he begged to question what happened to a demon if he took his own life? "There is no me without you." He repeated sadly. "Not having you here, this is killing me, Gluttony."

Gluttony was the hub of all things gossip. The receiver and giver of information for a price was his currency. His vice. Losing his voice, however, led him down a quick landslide into eerie silence accompanied by a lack of information. Pushed outside of his own bubble of gossip that he didn't even know why Kai was in his home. Maybe Josephine told him, perhaps she didn't... all the Prince knew was his misery now. It was so hard to look past it and live that he fell apart at the seams. "He's definitely a raging dick if you can say that much about him." The Prince could only nod at his brother's correct assumption about their King and his fighting tactics. He may have been the first one to go down, but he wasn't the last– he's hitting every single one of them where it hurts most or where he thinks will cripple them. It didn't quite work in Pride's case. Gluttony almost flinched from the sheer fury coming from his brother suddenly after he detailed what their King had stripped from him, his hands falling away from his face so he could watch his brother speak with wide eyes. This wasn't the Lust he knew, but the Prince knew in his shoes, he'd be displaying the same amount of vehemence towards their King if he'd ripped everything that made Lust, Lust. The promise of coming home, however, caused Gluttony to reach out with lightning reflexes and grip the collar of his brother's shirt tightly. "You will do no such thing," the prince hissed, a sternness in his voice that he'd never used. At least not with Lust of all people, but Lust coming back into the open only to get killed was not on Gluttony's Bingo card for the year. "There is nothing I want more in this world than my brother by my side, but if our King gets one whiff that you're out of those wards, then he will make a beeline for you and I will not be the reason why that happens." It was Gluttony's turn to place his hands on Lust's shoulders, his face softening a fraction. "What he did was on him, and if you want to fight with me, then wait for the battle to come out when he's not so focused on you and is instead focused on Wrath and his Devil-killing weapon." Never in his life did he ever think that he'd be telling his brother to stay away from him, but this was to save Lust's life... and, in turn, save his very own. "He's already stolen Josephine's soul and my voice from me. You are the only thing in my life that's still whole. You're keeping me alive," Gluttony whispered, eyes pleading as his hands fell into his lap limp, "if you leave now and get killed, there's nothing keeping me alive anymore. Not even my love for Josephine, do you understand me? There is no me without you."

[inhuman-obey-me]

Can I ask for Lucifer and #20? Also congrats on hitting 100k likes!!! You guys deserve all the best things 💗 💓 💖 💛

Thank you so much!! 🥹❤️

Lucifer + 20 | "Infectious" - Imminence

"He's gotten into your head, Lucifer. Remember, he's a demon. They can't be trusted."

"But Father—"

"Silence. I won't hear anymore of it. Humor them if you must, but I will entertain this drivel no longer."

Perhaps Father was right, that all of this talk from the Demon Prince was merely idealistic nonsense, a way to manipulate the Celestial Realm into lowering their guard. What demon would want peace unless there was something deviously beneficial in it for them? And surely, if peace could be achieved, Father would have been the first to propose such an audacious and praiseworthy plan.

And yet, Lucifer finds himself in the Devildom once again, sitting across from the very demon he has been told explicitly not to trust above all others. Golden eyes beam at him, and he cannot help but compare them to the glow of an angel's halo. Ridiculous.

"Lucifer! It is so good to see you again. You remain as beautiful and radiant as ever. How fare's the Celestial Realm these days? Your brothers?"

"I'm only here for diplomacy's sake. Do not think I am here to be friends." Lucifer asserts as he inspects the tea served to him. "…And the Celestial Realm is doing as well as ever, same goes for my brothers."

"Of course." Diavolo gives him a polite, knowing smile. "Good to hear. Well then, shall we get started? I have so much I would like to discuss and share with you today."

It's strange how as the minutes pass, Lucifer finds himself slipping into a sense of comfort. He is an angel in enemy territory, but no matter how hard he tried to pick apart every word and action of the demon before him, he could not find deception or harmful intent. He had secretly come to enjoy these meetings, with Diavolo providing more pleasant company than even some of his fellow angels. More pleasant than Father.

He's gotten into your head.

"Diavolo." Lucifer abruptly interrupts. "What is truly your goal here?"

"Have I not made that quite clear?" Diavolo tilts his head ever-so-slightly. "Peace, for all Three Realms."

"And what do you gain from this?" He's desperate to find a flaw, a hidden truth. "What could the demons possibly gain from all of this, other than peace? It's not like you can be trusted."

"Ah, here again, are we?" Diavolo sighs, but there is no anger or frustration. "As hard as it might be for you to believe, I care about my people. I want to protect them, build a better future for them. They cannot have that if we continue the bloodshed as we have for centuries past. Peace benefits us all." The demon leans forward, his gaze inquisitive. "Is that not what you want? Considering how often you've visited, I assumed you felt the same."

"…I do." Lucifer clears his throat. "As hospitable as you've been, you cannot blame me for my doubts."

"Your doubts are understandable. Demons do not trust angels anymore than the angels trust demons. This plan for peace will take a lot of work and some willingness to cooperate, on all sides, but I believe it can be achieved one day." Diavolo smiles, and Lucifer knows it is sincere. "And I think, despite your hostility, you believe it too."

He did. He wanted to believe in it more than anything. He recalls what he thought on that first meeting with the prince — who here was the demon, and who was the angel? It was the beginning of it all, the first crack in the wall that the Celestial Realm and Father had so dutifully built over millennia. But why was it that every time he tried to convince Father that working towards peace was a worthwhile goal, he was silenced?

There's a tightness in Lucifer's chest, and he realizes that one of his worst fears was coming true.

His doubts were no longer in the Demon Prince and his goals — they were in Father and His.

[we-stan-the-stans-27]

Sleeping Beauty AU?

@sixerstanley Here had this HUGE big brain idea and I immediately sprung into action to write a little something about it.

Basically, they read a merlin fic where a spell made it seem like Merlin was dead, but he was basically asleep and aware of everything going on. Arthur was not having a good time. (trauma and pain ensues) I'm going to replicate it, based on the idea alone.

(Also, I had no idea this would turn into an almost 4k oneshot, oops! Color me inspired, I guess! I can do this, but not my actual fan fiction. LMAO!)

Suffer with me. (JK, enjoy. XD )

For the first time in weeks, Ford had allowed himself a full night's rest downstairs. Why not reward himself, just this once? The rift is sealed, the universe is safe, and things are slowly getting back to normal. Or as normal as they get in the pathetic excuse for what used to be his home.

Ford still has a hard time calling it what it is, 'The Mystery Shack' is a little on the nose, isn't it? The exhibits are hardly anything close to a mystery. They're botched taxidermy projects.

Insults. That's what they are.

A slap in the face to his life's work.

Whatever, that's not his problem right now. Coffee is the first order of business.

It's early and no one else is awake, but the coffee pot is still hot with a fresh pot. One cup appears to be missing. Stanley must be awake then.

Ford takes his time pouring the life-bringing liquid into his favorite cup (it is amazing Stanley didn't break it or lose it after all these years) and adding in ample sugar, and a dash of cream for color.

He adds a single ice cube to cool it faster, listening to the sounds of the house. It's silent, too quiet.

Ford can't help that even in a peaceful environment it puts him on edge.

The TV is off and a walk through the living room reveals Stanley isn't sitting on the couch. The first-floor bathroom light is off, door is slightly ajar, but empty.

That's weird.

He really shouldn't be looking for his brother anyway since the only good that will do is start another fight. It's too early for that.

Ford settles back in the kitchen, hovering near the window and sipping his cup watching the clock on the wall tic on. Minutes pass.

The silence is no longer just putting him on edge, it's sounding alarms.

Why? There is nothing dangerous here in the house, they are perfectly safe here now that Bill has been dealt with.

What then?

To put his own stupid mind to rest he leaves the empty cup in the sink and goes upstairs to the attic, checking on Dipper and Mabel.

They are both still fast asleep in their beds. Dipper, drooling on his pillow with half the blanket on the floor. Mabel, hair stuck up in all directions, clutching one of her many stuffed animals like it might try to escape.

Waddles is here too, curled up on its makeshift bed on the floor.

He stays just long enough to ensure they are all breathing, and sleeping soundly, before noiselessly going back downstairs.

The second floor is as empty as the first, including Stanley's poor excuse for a room. It is a mess of half-packed boxes, several trash bags, and the always-unmade bed.

Soon enough the house will be normal again.

Stanley will be gone, the kids will go home- (Perhaps they'll visit again next summer? It's a shame Dipper can't stay) and the Mystery Shack business will be over forever.

This once secluded corner of the valley will be that way again, his haven away from prying eyes. And tourists.

With the interior of the house cleared that only leaves the yard and porch.

Ford makes his way out onto the one Stanley finds the most use out of and the worry he hadn't realized to be carrying vanishes. There he is, sitting back dead asleep on the disgusting couch. How old is that thing? It appears to be growing several kinds of mold along the bottom because of the constant rain this region gets.

One hand is barely holding onto Stan's coffee cup, the arm of the couch holding it up while its owner sleeps.

"Seriously, Stanley? Being old doesn't give you an excuse to sleep anywhere, much less flash the local wildlife in little more than boxers." It's a good dig, in his opinion, and he speaks loud enough to rouse Stanley despite how hard of hearing he has become over the years.

Except no quick response comes.

Stanley doesn't so much as twitch in his spot on the couch.

The fear comes back-

Oh, don't be ridiculous!

"Very funny, Stanley." He lets the door close, quietly, before moving to stand in front of his brother, hands on either hip.

He looks, really looks, at Stan.

And sees nothing good.

The first notable, and most concerning finding, is that his brother isn't breathing. He waits, watching, assuming this to be a breath hold.

A joke.

But that isn't the only concerning evidence. Stanley's eyes are also halfway open, looking over the yard. Empty.

Not funny anymore, very much NOT funny!

Ford does not panic, not yet. He moves and picks up the cup, plucking it out of his brother's hand- It lacks any strength, like taking a toy from a child.

"Stanley? Wake up. Very good joke, you got me. Stop it now." He kneels on the couch, next to him, after setting the cup aside on the porch by their feet.

For the second time since coming home, Ford touches Stanley. This time with a kinder hold, reaching up to press two fingers along the pulse point between the jaw and collar bone, off to the side of the Adam's apple.

Nothing.

'One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten-'

He could count on one hand the number of times true panic has overtaken him in his lifetime. It isn't a luxury one can often afford when coming face to face with death constantly in the multiverse-

But what harm can come of it when someone is already dead?

His hand stays right where it is, tucked into the still-warm skin-

"No, this isn't funny-" But Ford's voice shakes and he snatches the hand away quickly. If he can't feel the lack of pulse, it's not there. Simple.

How didn't he notice? When did this happen?

What happened?

No- Ford turns, looking around the peaceful yard. Dew covers the grass, the sun peaked up about half an hour ago basking the clearing in pink and yellow hues.

There isn't any blood.

Death is messy. He has seen it countless times, but it is never, ever, peaceful. Knives, guns, cracking bones, broken bodies...

Looking back at Stanley none of that is present. The skin is still pink, and warm, eyes open but- Dead.

No. That can't be. It just can't.

Stanley looks almost peaceful, asleep. His coffee, barely a sip or two taken from the looks of it. "No."

Panic takes many different forms. Initially, instinctively, Ford looked for the cause. It had to be someone, something, who did this. Who took his brother?

But there is nothing, no one, in sight. No blood.

"Stanley, who-" His feet stop, body stalling, in the middle of turning back from the yard to look at the corpse...

He had been about to ask, to question who did this. But a dead body can't answer. A dead body, a corpse.

There is a distinction between a vessel and a person, or so Ford had always thought.

Everyone dies and until then you live inside and pilot your body. Someday, it becomes a corpse and you leave it behind.

That is such a cold and callous way to look at it, in retrospect. Because this, is Stanley. He's just- Gone.

With quick hands, Ford begins looking, almost in a frenzy, for the cause.

No blunt force trauma to the back of the head. No perforations to the abdomen, arms, nothing. There is nothing.

But that's not possible, people don't just-

Except they do. Sometimes-

No. NO! Not them, not him! Stanley Pines wouldn't just die, not without a fight!

Death doesn't play favorites, anyone can go, anytime-

"Shut up! No, he wouldn't! He wouldn't leave me!" It comes out in a shout and shakes him.

It wasn't supposed to end like this.

He never allowed himself to think very far into the future, how could he? Everything was always changing and it was better to live in the now anyway. So long as you were safe now, other things could be handled later-

Except later doesn't always wait for you to be ready. Time has its own plans and you have to work around it or something-

Stanley wasn't supposed to die. Isn't! he can't be-

Except-

There are no obvious injuries, but then again there don't have to be. They may not be old, but they're old enough. Brain aneurysms take hold suddenly, killing the affected almost instantly.

Leaving barely enough time to set down a cup of coffee-

Or a heart attack?

No, Stanley would have come inside, asked for help-

Wouldn't he?

"You idiot!" It comes out in a hiss from where Ford has shifted. He's kneeling right next to Stanley, hand on either shoulder, looking at his half-open but- Dead. Dead eyes. Empty. Gone.

Soulless.

Ford isn't sure who he's talking to. Himself? or Stanley? Both?

"I would have helped you, we could have called someone, I-" He has to pull away, sinking down into the empty space of the couch to hide the tears springing up without permission.

This can't be happening. Things weren't supposed to end like this-

Oh yeah, how was it supposed to go then?

With you, kicking him out next week? Leaving him homeless, again, just like Pa?

"Stop it! I don't know, not like this!" Stanley was always the stronger between them, persevering through everything no matter what happened.

Is this my fault?

What a stupid question.

It forces him to sit up again, one hand covering his face while half peering out at Stanley.

Of course it is. What did you expect? That he would take his life being uprooted lying down?

Did he do this on purpose?

In the rush to pick up the cup of coffee Ford almost knocks it over but finds he can't hold it without spilling some of it over the sides, down onto the porch, anyway. He is left with no choice but to set it back down to avoid wasting the sample.

Maybe.

Ford takes both a physical and mental step back, leaning against one of the columns holding up the roof over the porch, to look around.

Breathing is getting a little more difficult, coming in tight short inhales and smaller and smaller exhales.

What better way to get back at me? Thirty years of a life spent learning math, science, and engineering skills well beyond any normal human's comprehension, for what?

To get a brother back who first chance he got told him to pack it up and get out?

"What kind of brother am I?"

The kind who would rather be right than-

Then apologize. Forgive. Make up. Let go.

And now, it's too late. The train left the station, Stanley is gone, and its all my fault.

"He died thinking I hated him." That realization is what breaks the decade-old dam, tears finally escaping. Ford closes the distance, sitting on the stupid couch and pulling Stanley over into a hug, even if he's not here to feel it.

The lack of strong, still buff, arms encircling him, returning the sentiment only makes him cry harder into the thin and crappy tank top Stanley must have worn to bed.

"I'm sorry." He chokes out between sobs, "I thought I'd have more time, you'd have more time. I didn't think- How could I?" Nothing he's saying is making much sense.

The ramblings of a heartbroken lunatic.

As if we really deserve to be upset, like you'd of cared if it wasn't life or death-

Maybe his own thoughts are right. If Stanley had been alive, sitting here, having his morning coffee they would have traded morning insults before going their separate ways.

But that's not the reality they live in. This one is much worse, much darker.

I spent so much time running away, trying to break apart, and be unique. No longer part of a broken pair, or what I saw as one, I-

"I never expected to miss it when the other half was gone." He is still shaking, refusing to let go, with thoughts still scrambled in a million different directions.

CPR wouldn't do any good now, although it's a nice thought. If Stanley came out here directly after preparing his coffee then that was almost twenty minutes ago, give or take-

Oh god. What about the kids?

Without letting go Ford checks the time on his watch, wincing. A few hours at most, but he'll have to call the coroner-

What does he do?

For the first time, possibly ever, Ford feels lost.

Not only because his twin is currently dead, which is already world-ending, but everything that comes with it.

Who does he say the corpse belongs to? Stanley Pines has been dead for decades-

Is that why he did this? So that Ford could slot right back into his old life, fixing the broken and shattered history? No. This had to be an accident-

Only the testing of the coffee will confirm it or not.

Ford has never had to stick around and deal with a dead body before. Moving on was easier, and necessary. He can't remember attending a funeral, other than their great aunts when they were barely seven.

That's not the same. He'll have to make arrangements, put together pictures, and give a speech-

About a life he knows nothing about.

"God, I'm sorry Stanley. I'm so sorry." It feels safe to let his voice break here. No one is around to see how completely destroyed he feels. "All you ever did was love me, and I pushed you away. I crushed it, refused, and now..."

"Now you're gone. I can't even remember the last time I told you that I love you, but I do. So much, more than I could ever handle." Ford can't let go, but he does shift back to look at his brother's face, holding his limp body with one hand and clearing his own tears with the other.

"For what it's worth, I'm glad I'm here. Thank you, for bringing me back." He has to close his eyes, fresh tear tracks spilling across both cheeks, "Even if only so I could say goodbye. I'm glad I got that, at least. If only you were here-"

With a broken voice, Ford can't stand looking at Stan like this anymore. He reaches up, closing both eyes with feather-light fingers, before leaning close to press them forehead to forehead. Just like when they were young. Before everything.

It's odd. How fast do corpses cool? Not that Ford is going to complain. It lets him pretend, just for a few more moments, that Stanley isn't gone. That they could have this again.

Too little, too late.

"I love you, Stanley." It comes out broken and cruel, like the universe is mocking him. What was the point in protecting them from Bill if death came knocking anyway?

For the first time since coming home, Ford understands.

Finally, he can see why Stanley wasted so much of his life trying to bring him back. Because he loves so much, so big. To his own detriment.

He would do anything, even destroy the world, to have Ford by his side again.

"I'm so sorry, you deserved so much better." How different could things of been?

What would Stanley of done instead? Gotten married? Had kids?

A better family, that's for sure.

Ford knows he can't stay here forever. He needs to let go, head inside, and make some phone calls. To tell Soos to close the shack for the day, get an ambulance to bring Stanley to the morgue.

He needs to prepare for when the kids wake up and figure out what to tell them.

But first, he indulges himself a little bit more by leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Stanley's lips. It smells of coffee, cigars, and denture cream, but Ford can't detect any sort of drug or chemical from close proximity alone. It's nice.

Not what you'd expect from a corpse, but it's enough.

A goodbye, a real one in a weird broken way. Just their luck.

The absolute last thing Ford expects, upon starting to pull away, is to feel the body still pressed very tight to his own take in a very deep breath followed by Stanley's discarded hands coming up to grab at him.

"Stanley!" His voice is still broken, mixed with anger and joy in a typhoon of confusion.

And Stanley? He has the nerve to laugh!

"Don't think you're walking away from that so easily!" No longer locked inside his own body without the ability to do anything it's a relief to be able to breathe. But even better, he can pull Ford over on top of his lap, locking one leg in place against the side of the couch.

"Excuse me! I thought you were dead! What the fuck, Stanley! You can't just go around pretending to be dead to mess with people! What if the kids had found you, or Soos, or Wendy?! You would have scared them half to death, you scared me half to death!"

Truly, it's a complicated story. One Stan is pretty sure Ford doesn't want to hear right now when his mind is running a mile a minute.

He has other things that need to be said instead of explaining whoever that weird wizard was who came out of the forest.

Forcibly Stanley grabs Ford's face, bringing him down so they are face to face again, leaving no room for argument in their close proximity. "Shut up, will you?"

Being locked in was sort of a blessing because participating in the conversation is so much harder than he thought it would be moments ago. He steals his nerves anyway, "I love you too, I'm not dead, and I'm pretty sure forty years should have made you a better kisser than that. Otherwise, I've got my work cut out for me. Try again."

By now Ford's face is bright red both out of anger at being tricked and embarrassment at their current position. But Stanley's hands are no longer weak, holding him tightly in place. Not that he seriously wants to argue anyway.

Stan waits, but the longer Ford stares, the more unsure he becomes. Maybe he misunderstood? Or maybe Ford just has a thing for corpses and now that he isn't one, the interest is gone.

Fair enough, Stan knows he isn't much to look at. Age wasn't as kind to him as it was to Ford. All lean muscles, few wrinkles, and barely greying hair. It's stupid, really.

It would be hypocritical to go right back to being mad, wouldn't it?

Just because Stanley isn't dead now, doesn't mean he won't be next time. Or the time after that.

Anything could happen.

Ford knows he should pull away. They should talk about what the hell just happened. He should move off his brother's damn lap!

Or, he could give in to the very thing he's spent two-thirds of their lives running from. The details and tough conversation can be hashed out later, right?

It's the hold on his jaw loosening that yanks Ford out of his spinning thoughts back to the present. Stanley is pulling away, looking down-

How long was he lost in thought? It couldn't have been more than twenty seconds. Did he change his mind? No, then why does he look so-

Well. Stanley looks the same as he always does.

Oh. Briefly, for a few seconds, Stanley was being brave. He opened up and showed his hand. Let himself be vulnerable.

Idiot!

His hands had never fully left Stan's shoulders, but he tightens their grip now, shifting one up to cup along the underside of his jaw. He doesn't feel the need to say anything, because neither of them has ever really been good with words.

He leans down, surprising them both, with a much more insistent kiss.

A hello. And maybe? A new beginning.

[azuralnguyendd]

Emotionally (Un)available

A fanfiction based on Tumblr roleplay blog interaction: @magneto-king-of-genosha and @not-a-professor

(Dialogues are from the original post and so are some paragraphs describing action and thoughts. Some are altered, but nevertheless the same as ever)

A/N: Thank you in advance for reading, and I hope you'll excuse me for my typos that I've missed during my time editing it!

✷ — ✷ — ✷ — ✷

The X-Mansion used to look so lively, one might say after seeing the state it is in now. In the past, the hallways and stairs would be filled students going to and fro, talking about nothing in particular, and the occasional playful banter would be thrown back and forth.

Laughter would fill dormitories and hallways, classrooms used to be filled with students eager for education and perhaps only there for the pranks they were about to pull or the friends they were going to meet. The students would be playing basketball in court outside; some would be doing it for keeping fit sake, others to improve their powers.

Now, it was just... sad. Everyone had already left, no one felt safe staying when a war was happening, and no one was willing either. If anyone were to still be there, it would be agony; living alone in the only place that has once comforted the discriminated, the odd, the freaks. However, it was no longer a place of comfort, just somewhere for memories to fade away.

The Mansion was dark and a bit damped, vines started from the ceiling, climbing their way down the deserted wall and laid on the floor, spreading their arms. All the paintings had fallen from the wall, their frames cracked and pictures faded, no longer can anyone recognize the people in the photograph.

The sunlight was but dim when it shined into the Mansion. Dusk covered furnitures were askewed; some were broken, some were intact, others had fallen over like somebody had a bad tantrum and had to take their anger out on objects. The place looked far from how it used to look like, and maybe it wasn't even the same place.

Sat on a chair in the center of the room, dejected and half drunk, is Charles Xavier, a mutant with a brilliant mindset. However, he wasn't the same anymore. What was left of the will to inspire mutants to be themselves is but just a small amber, barely holding onto its last flicker of flame.

He has resorted to alcoholism to deal with his severe depression, and with everyone gone from his side but one person, he is no longer the Charles Xavier who inspired and helped mutants to have pride in their abilities. He's just some hobo who lived in an abandoned mansion far away from human society.

It's been years, and years he had endured thanks to the serum that his dear friend Hank has made for him. It gave him the ability to walk, one of the many things he'd lost long ago thanks to friendly fire, but it came with a cost: his telepathic abilities. He couldn't read people's thoughts, couldn't predict their next move, and amongst other useful things, couldn't recognize if someone was lying. But, Charles has become so used to an empty and quiet mind that if he goes a minute without it, he might turn insane.

For the past couple weeks, Charles has been doing nothing but drink whiskey from the multiple bottles he found lying around. He didn't exactly know where they come from, but he supposed that he bought it long ago. They weren't opened, and still tasted good; who knows how long they've been sitting in that cabinet though.

Apart from drinking and injecting the serum, Charles also discovered that Magneto - a mutant named Erik Lensherr with the power to manipulate metal- was not in prison. Turned out the Magneto he's been talking to didn't belong to this universe, and the two had realized the concept of multiverse exist. Without further information, they rolled with it. Charles was still bitter about the incident, and despite trying to bring himself to forgive this Erik even though he hasn't done nothing to him, he couldn't. They looked too similar, almost identical.

Charles leaned back, sighing as his hair falls behind the backrest of the chair, thinking and racking his brain for something to do. Nothing, he couldn't do nothing.

The doors of the X-Mansion creaked softly open, and lo and behold, Erik stepped into the Mansion. The doors closed behind him as he approached Charles; his face was concealed by the shadow that the pillars surrounding them casted. Something in his strides told Charles he was frustrated.

Erik did a subtle groan, like he was beyond mad, and sat down next to Charles. He could see his face now that he's closer, and his brows were furrowed in anger. "The anonymous requests are very insistent that I come, so like it or not, I am here." Erik stated like it was the most obvious thing in the whole wide world.

Charles glanced at him, then looked away, and grumbled, but he wasn't upset that this Erik was here, he just wasn't expecting company. Erik, realizing this matter, sighed and picked up a booze bottle lying around on the table. It still has liquor it in, so he opened the bottle and took a sip of the bitter liquor.

Charles, despite himself, was still holding the helmet Erik has given him against his chest; the metal was cold, and he was careful not to cut himself on its sharp  edges. He didn't know why he was still holding onto it, or why he hasn't knocked it against the wall for reminding him of his former best friend. He just... Felt comfort of some sort from it.

Charles's eyes flutter as he stifled a yawn from falling from his lips. He didn't need pity and concern at this moment, not from Erik. Beside him, he heard the man chuckle. With a bit of annoyance, he turned to look at Erik. His head was tilted to the side a bit, and was clearly already looking at him.

"What?" Charles asked, his annoyance slightly tangling in the words he spoke.

Erik shook his head; there wasn't a hint of a smile yet he sounded thoroughly entertained. "Oh, it's nothing." He said, as if Charles would just drop it.

Charles, for some reason, smiled as very bit of annoyance left his being. It was a small one, not completely evident, but it was there. It was genuine, as genuine as it could get after all these miserable years. "No no come on- what?" He said, turning fully to look at him.

Erik sighed again, but clearly there was a hint of another amused chuckle. Oh, this man was insufferable. "It really is nothing. Though from the right angle, you look like a Komondor." There it was, another insufferably familiar, friendly, comforting chuckle.

It took Charles a couple of seconds to register what Erik said, to realize that a Komondor was a breed of dog. It dawned on him at that moment, and he stayed silent before, with mock offense, feigning his hand against his chest.

"Woww! I'm so hurt!" Charles said sarcastically, his brows furrowed but he was unable to contain the smile that broke through his facade. It was bright, perhaps the brightest he's smiled in years.

Erik exhaled from his nose - probably another sigh - and turned to counter his friend's statement. "If you're so hurt, why are you smiling then?" He didn't realize it, but he himself was smiling as well; Charles didn't seem to have noticed.

Charles chuckled - although it could be described as a giggle - as Erik retorted with that question. "Smiling through the pain, I suppose!" This was sort of a banter, but it has been true for a while before. He has smiled through the pain of knowing he'll never be able to walk again, the pain of knowing Raven and almost everyone left him behind. He was still glad Hank was there to support him through the hard times, but the comfort wasn't enough.

"Oh really?" Said Erik. He still holding the booze in his hand and took a couple gulps of it. The bitter tanginess of the liquid burned down his throat, but they were both used to it by now.

Charles was still smiling, huffing a chuckle. Erik was still drinking the booze; it's been a while since they shared a drink with each other, not after what happened a few years prior. "I hope you enjoy that. That's very expensive," Charles remarked on the bottle, taking another sip of his own bottle.

In all honesty, it wasn't that expensive, it didn't taste expensive. But, there were lots of it when he found it hiding in the cabinets, so it was expensive to buy all of those bottles; they themselves weren't.

"Really? I thought the rule of thumb for getting drunk was to always buy the cheap stuff?" Erik said with a tone of amusement, inspecting the bottle in the dim sunlight, trying to see if he could find the price tag of the thing. There wasn't any.

"Well.. When you're a billionaire and can buy whatever you want, you can splurge." Charles said with a sense of pride he lacked since ever. It was kind of nice to be able to boast his wealth, even if the person hearing this was Erik from another universe, and it made it a little difficult because he hasn't fully forgiven his own Erik.

"Then how do you still have that much money? Is the government in your pocket?" Erik asked, his interest piqued by the word "billionaire".

Charles smiled again, and there was a familiar yet distant warmth in his heart, like someone he once knew returned from a war he was never fully aware of. Perhaps hanging out with this Erik wasn't so bad after all, he has redeeming qualities Charles believed his Erik didn't have; he also smiled more often, and tried his best to make things casual and interesting. He smiled wider, not only because of the sense of pride, but also of comfort.

"It's generational wealth.. And smart investments." With pride, he answered with a pause, just to make it intriguing. Erik raised his eyebrows a little and nodded. He seemed relax, and though he didn't like to admit it, he rather prefer this version of Erik over his own original one. It'd be a fine world if Erik was always like this; always so comforting, humouring and providing good company.

"Oh yes, like booze is a smart investment." Erik said, his smile dropping as he looks down at the bottle in his hand.

It was dry of the content it once held; the sunlight bounced off the glass and reflected itself on the opposite wall. He didn't like Charles like this: all depressed and burnt out, no inspiration or motivation for doing anything. It hurts him knowing why Charles chose this life, why he wanted to be alone all the time; this was not his Charles, yet he felt like he should be there if he ever needed anything.

"Alcohol is not going to bankrupt me," said Charles as he nudged Erik by the arm. It was a joke, though clearly alcohol is not enough to put him into bankruptcy.

Erik chuckled, low and relaxed, as he put the empty bottle down on the table with a quiet *clink*; the sound echoed through the entire Mansion, awakening any bugs or critters from their slumber. Luckily, they did not disturb the two men. "It would be absolutely be if you keep at it like you do."

Well, it would make sense - buying a lot of the same thing with the same price might empty your wallet in no time at all. "So what you're saying is, if I switch to the cheap stuff, I could buy more of it for the same price?" He asked, though of course he knew this, but he never considered doing so.

"More or less," Erik said, shrugging a bit.

This Erik was much more entertaining than his own, Charles decided - he talked more, is more amusing and made him feel better about himself. Huh... This was another new discovery about himself.

Charles smiled and chuckled, his smile genuine and bright. "Duly noted. Next time I'll buy 3x the cheaper stuff." He leaned his head on Erik's shoulder, still holding the helmet close to himself.

Erik smiled softly, and looking down at Charles, he wrapped his arm around him, settling his hand on Charles's forearm. The contact was welcomed and Erik enjoyed it. How long has it been since the last time each of them hell another person close? They wouldn't know, and they wouldn't care - they have each other.

Charles's eyes drifted shut, though not asleep but simply out of contentment, as Erik settled his head on top, his hair ruffled under the other man's head, making it messy. But who cared? Definitely not Charles, couldn't even remember the last time he made his hair look presentable.

The room was quiet, and for a moment, it was only the two of them in the whole wide world. Their surroundings revolved around them, and soon they seemingly disappeared, leaving a comforting, empty, vast void for them to settle in. Oh how the world could just be like this forever...

"Never knew you could be so gentle Erik.." Charles murmured absentmindedly, further relaxing his muscles. He felt safe.

"Hm? What was that?" Erik said at Charles's sudden remark. His Charles hasn't said anything so flattering in so long, and after hearing it from another version of the same man, he couldn't help but feel a fluttering in his stomach.

Charles looked up at Erik and made eye contact that held for a solid minute. He wasn't focusing on Erik's sentence, too immersed in the silent comfort he was receiving and letting himself receive it.

"Hm..?"

"You said something. What was it?" Erik asked, his voice sounding a bit interrogative, but was still soft as not to cause any sudden surge of negative feelings.

"I don't remember.." That was kind of strange. Charles didn't remember saying anything, but it seemed he did. However, there was no memory of it in his mind.

Erik nodded, muttering a loud enough "I see" for Charles to catch it. That was a terrible turn, Charles thought. If his memory hadn't shorted out on him, Erik wouldn't be so concerned. He shouldn't have to worry for Charles, he shouldn't even be helping Charles carry his own burdens.

"Apologies.. that doesn't happen to me often." Charles said with a sad, apologetic tone. Erik could be upset at him at this moment, but he didn't feel any signs of the man moving away from the contact.

"It's quite alright. It happens to everyone." Erik said it so casually Charles might fall out of his chair if he wasn't so afraid of splitting his skull in half.

Charles wasn't focusing, too absorbed in his own self-loathing that he didn't realize the gentle kiss places on his forehead by the soft lips of Erik. Erik, on the other hand, was mildly embarrassed, so he raised his head and straightened himself to avoid making eye contact with Charles.

In the corner of his eye, the former telepathic's pale features began to turn red. Charles tried to hide this obvious display by lowering his head and massaging his palms. Despite his efforts, he couldn't hide the fact that his ears were glowing a brilliant dark red; it certainly complimented his pale skin.

"Are you alright?" Erik asked, and although he was looking at Charles directly, he was glancing down at his flustered host.

Charles nodded feverishly, determined to hide his emotions. This was the first time in over two years Charles had actually wished for his telepathy abilities back. To know what Erik was thinking, to pulse comforting waves over to his mind. Charles wanted to spoil Erik rotten with all the dopamine and serotonin he could handle.

Instead, returning to the terrible reality, Charles gave up his mutation and that was the correct decision for everyone involved, Charles had convinced himself that it was for the longest time possible.

Charles was able to snap out of his thoughts when he heard Erik blurting out the words "I see" once more. He hadn't realized that Erik had picked up another booze bottle, but he was now gently placing it back down. Calming his racing mind, Charles retorted: "See what?" He kept his voice calm and and leveled as he recuperated from his sudden pang of memory.

"That you were alright when I asked." Erik replied, and Charles noticed his voice has become softer, more gentle and surprisingly attra- wait no.

"I bet that's not all you see.. You are a very observant man, Erik." Charles smiled as his giggle intertwined with his words, making them feel light-hearted and playful.

"You're not wrong," Erik said as if he took what Charles said as a compliment - it really was sort of something like that - but then he smiled, and there was an edge of mischievousness in it. "I also observed the fact that you look like a strawberry." The man spoke with a low chuckle.

Charles perked up at the statement and buried his head into his hands, silently hoping that Erik didn't notice two of his fingers coming up to massage his temples before sliding forward to focus on his eyes. Charles was pretty sure Erik couldn't see all of that in the dark, not to mention his hair covering his face as he leaned down. "Ya don't say.." Charles said with embarrassment. Gosh, how much more humiliation was he going to deal with today?

Erik mumbled a amused "Yeah" as he brought his hand to ruffle Charles's hair, then moving it around Charles and onto his lap, resting on it. Erik leaned in a bit, a genuine smile making its way to his lips as he observed Charles's reaction.

Charles looked up at Erik and settled comfortably into his lap with a quiet and content sigh. Erik let out a breath like he has been holding it in, hoping that Charles wouldn't refuse his affection. Charles leaned his head against Erik's chest, eyes fluttering with tiredness.

"You're tall..." He muttered. Yes, Erik was and is still taller than him; Charles has never very insecure about his height or appearance, until now, he realized.

"Really? I suppose you aren't wrong." Erik replied softly, staying almost perfectly still as he soakee in the comfort and contact both of them was sharing.

Charles ran his hand over the smooth top of the helmet, letting another yawn fall from his lips. Erik's smile has never really dropped the entire time. It was certain that both of them has forgotten how this feeling felt like, and they seemed to share a mutual longing for it.

At first, Charles didn't notice Erik's thoughts weaving themselves into his mind. Everything felt so familiar, and oh so comfortable. That was until other minds start swarming in, disrupting what little peace this cruel world had allowed him. Panicking as adrenaline surged through him, Charles began to realize the situation he's caught himself in. He pat his robe's pockets hoping to find an extra dose of serum; he wasn't going to let this peace escape when he had a good grasp on it. He wasn't going to let it go just because the world was such a bitch about it. He longed for this, he wanted this, he needed this, goddamn it!

Erik, seeing the sudden harsh movements beside him, he suddenly realized the situation Charles was in. And as if he could read his mind, he took the helmet resting idly on Charles's lap and gently placed it over his head to silence the voices so Charles could properly focus on what he wanted to find.

This gave Charles a pause in his search for the serum; all the voices and racing thoughts just suddenly... Stopped, altogether. Charles was so accustomed to being quickly reduced to a incoherent mess as every voice in New York made themselves known to him, it made this feeling strange, and so, so unnatural. To still have everything so quiet and almost clear as the serum burned out of his system, it felt serene.

"Are you alright?" Erik said leaning down to observe his friend's reaction. His voice had a hint of concern, his brows furrowed and expression softened. Charles seemed to still be processing all of this; as he moved his hand to the helmet, his eyes became glossy as his mind cleared itself for the first time in years. For years, the serum made everything blurry and murky, rendering him unable to think properly. But, it helped stop the thousands of minds from cramming their way into his skull and cracking it in half.

However, the serum wasn't in affect anymore, and his mind wasn't foggy or was it about to explode. He could think, and think clearly. "I can think.." Charles murmured; it was unbelievable that he had been living year after year in murky waters without finding a way to free himself of his misery, of his self-loathing, of his mind.

Beside him, Erik cracked a gentle smile as the concern left his expression. "Yes, I suppose you can. It's alright now Charles, just think for a minute." Erik's voice was low and soothing, and a lot softer than usual. It brought comfort and peace to Charles knowing that this version of Erik was the man he had always thought he was: Kind, gentle, understanding and forgiving.

As Charles spaced out and did what Erik requested, his mind started to catch up on all the thought he could've had the lady few years. His mind whirled with spontaneous new genetic theories, context of the books he read nearly four years ago, mutant genealogy and myriad of other thoughts. Charles was almost, but certainly, enjoying the sudden burst of radiant brilliance. Although enjoying himself, it was like his body has a mind of its own as his hand found the cold metal of the serum in his pocket.

Erik's smile dropped as his eyes caught sight of his companion's hand, sadness washing over his expression. What coming next was quite obvious, and though Erik had the power to stop it from happening, it was best if Charles stop it himself. Erik didn't want to force his concern into Charles - his friend, his host, his partner - all because Charles didn't have the power and right mind help himself.

Just as clear as the thought had been on genetic mutation, the berating may seemed even clearer as Charles realized what he was holding, clutching in his pocket. The thoughts of famous authors and poets faded out as the self hatred and loathing filtered into his clear mind.

Charles's hands grew shaky, his breathing became uneven and ragged as he prepared his arm, rolling up the cotton sleeve of his robe. Charles couldn't even blame it on anyone else, not even the man beside him. He was the only mind, the only thoughts running inside his head. The only mind that abused him for disregarding his mutant gift and his natural brilliance. The mind that made him feel miserable, helpless and worthless.

Charles didn't notice the tears that started streaming down his red cheeks, or how badly shaken his body was as he held up the syringe to his arm. Yes, it was true that Charles took the serum to keep everyone out of his mind, but it was also to keep himself out; it was to keep himself dissociated from his internal critic that was harsher than anyone else's, the worst insults that no one could ever think of, the worst hatred and loathing no one could ever develope.

Charles hadn't noticed that he has already injected the serum, his mind going numb and murky once more. The tears still streamed down his face, droplets coming down to rest on his lap. Erik sighed and tossed the empty syringe away once the business was done. At once, Erik pulled Charles into a gentle embrace, keeping his hand on Charles's head and soothing him by rubbing small circles on his back.

It was all too much at that moment, there was no escape, so as the only reasonable option left on the table for him, Charles cried into Erik's shoulder. The serum slowed everything in his mind, his own thoughts were garbled, barely legible as the side effects kicked in. Charles didn't stop, he couldn't stop; broken sobs and hiccups broke from his throat, allowing him to let out the anger, sadness, hatred he'd kept to himself out

"It's alright, Charles, you're alright." Erik's tone was soft and almost quiet, as if to soothe a child.

As the worst of it kicked it, Charles laid on Erik's shoulder, his tears soaked the fabric of the other man's shirt. He would be fine soon enough, but the first part of the serum always gave him such minimal brain activity, silencing and numbing it. Not that Charles ever gave mind to it, it was something normal by now.

Erik still tried his best to calm his friend, still speaking with that calm and smooth voice, low enough to be a whisper, but loud enough for Charles to hear. "I am mad, but I'm not going to yell at you this time. Yet, you can't keep silencing the negative as if they shouldn't exist. They do exist, and you have to face them, but you shouldn't be alone when you do it."

Erik's eyes were closed, he wouldn't know exactly what kind of hurtful expression was going through Charles's face, but that was quite alright. Erik buried half of his face into that messy hair of his as he continued to attempt to calm Charles.

Charles made a small noise in the back of his throat, though it seemed like it echoed throughout the ever enveloping silence around them. "'S'not-" Charles voice was hoarse and broken as he sniffed up the snot threatening to stain Erik's attire. "Bad," Charles managed to mutter the last word of his sentence. His grip tightened on the fabric of Erik's clothes though his body continued to try and relax itself.

Erik hummed in question as he pulled away from the embrace. Doing so, he reached his hands up to cup Charles's tear stained face, wiping away the new flood as it poured from his soul. "Charles?" Erik asked again. Charles was not entirely mentally in the moment, spacing out a bit as he grew accustomed to the surge of the serum through his veins.

"Sorry.." Charles muttered, "serum.. side effect.. give it a couple minutes." Charles didn't have to attempt to wipe the tears away as Erik was already at it, so Charles leaned into the touch, closing his swollen eyes as he let out a quiet and uneven sigh.

Erik sighed in a tone that spoke lengths of disappointment and anger, yet when he chose to speak, his voice was low and calm, just like before. "Why do you still do it? Why don't you seek help?" Erik's voice had a hint of desperation, not an angry one, but a sad and upsetting one. "Why do you choose to temporarily numb it? At the end of it all, it will eat you until you let it go. So why not let it go with me? Let all the negative out so the comfort can rest.

"Scream and shout it out if you truly need to, and I will sit and listen if you need it. You can only temporarily numb something for so long."

Charles rubbed at his eyes; it felt dry from the previous tears, his vision blurry and his breath shallow. "What would I even say?" Charles smiled, but a sad one, one that spoke of being so used to years of self-torment that at this moment, insulting himself would just be fine. "Besides.. the negative feels good.. comfortable.. safe, almost." Charles chuckled low, but his throat was dry like a desert land, and the tears were threatening to stream once more.

"Anything at all." Erik said helpfully, keeping his hands cupped around Charles's face as he relaxed into the touch. "Also, saying the negative is nice is a lie they use, so it's never handled." Erik stated, brows furrowing and tone hurt.

"It isn't really safe to begin with, to keep collecting and holding. Everything will break, and that is not safe for anyone, not you, not people who get close. So say anything and everything, just so it's out, so it stops building."

They stopped talking after that short moment of comfort. Charles was bone tired, so instead of retorting with some half-assed excuse for the lies he made himself believe, he settled against Erik's chest, holding him close as he soaked in the warmth of a companion's comfort.

[doublel27]

I heasitate to do anything that will give this incredibly toxic, bullying tantrum of a post more views, but I also don't think this is okay and people should say so.

It is not an essay, it is a lambasting of someone who disagrees not with just you, but the general discourse that exists around some shows in the BL world because there were over 8 different people's ideas referenced in that post and you focused on you and @lurkingshan. Spending the time to type in 30 tags in the actual post, and another 5 in the comments lambasting someone, offering to pass to anyone screenshots of DMs, utilzing different sizes of script for emphasis that is considered yelling in the written word, and encouraging others to discuss how toxic they are and then demand your boundaries are that they don't respond after flooding someone else's inbox is very rude and inappropriate. I want to applaud @technicallyverycowboy and @lugarn who I have never spoken to before for also calling it out.

I would like to start by saying it's very clear you're incredibly upset and chose to yell at a person who never mentioned you that you perceived as attacking you. Your feelings are okay and should be felt, this response is not. Particularly because there is a whole lot of projection and defensiveness in this post, both in acting like MBDL doesn't understand fandom ettiquite, being disingenous about MBDL's actions and claim to be entirely misread and misunderstood, but let's take a look at what you and lurkingshan actually said in that post, what you misrepresented and misunderstood, and what words were used that might have suggested you were acting as an authority and dismissing other perspectives.

While you value being tagged, when Maybe-Boys-Do-Love says not "everyone enjoys being tagged" could be referring to previous interactions MBDL has had with people who asked him not to (I know i've had that or have been asked to DM) or his own personal feelings of not wanting to be tagged. I don't know, you'd have to ask him rather than assume. You feel a way about what you refer to as vague posting, but not everyone feels the way that you do. Some people prefer to not have an @ shoved at them and prefer to see stuff that could be about them and just say that if someone cared about them enough to say something to their face they would, and move about their day. You are deeply upset by other's possbily vaguely referring to your thoughts on tumblr.com and that's a valid feeling. Bullying a person due to your big feelings however, is not acceptable, and the limited number of reblogs from a specific circle of people, shows exactly how unacceptable the overall community finds this stuff.

You can ask people to @ you in posts that refer to yours and link to them. That's how you feel. On your blog. And you don't have to like how other people act on their blog, but that's also THEIR blog. They can behave how they want, just like you do. Perhaps this whole post is the opposite of what someone would want to have happen to them, in the same way MBDL's was the opposite of what you wanted to have happen.

I want to be very clear that I have seen the post that @maybe-boys-do-love made and your response. Your response is still visible to me on the post and I have reblogged the version of the post on my blog where you responded to MBLD and where MBDL responded to you because I value the fullness of the discourse. I can still see it. Anyone who goes to my blog can still see it. I'm very mystified by the fact that you can't see your response when everyone else can, but I think it should be acknowledged publicly that your point about them deleting your response is a lie you could have fact-checked by asking someone outside of your circle. You have not edited this post to reflect that was a mistake on your part and was the crucx of you deciding to stop engaging in conversation with MBDL in the first place.

However, your quick nature to dismiss criticisms of your posts both above, and in other posts, as "you attacking their faves" or "other fans who only watch shows for shipping" is as dismissive and gaslighting as the work you accuse MBDL of. This Nov. 5 post of yours includes the following quote:

ULTIMATELY, Nihilistic: what we are dealing with regarding your concern, as fans and/or critics of Series Y shows, is a conflict of values, among critical fans like ourselves, other fans who only watch shows for romance and shipping, and the economic bottom lines of the studios/agencies themselves. Some of us just want narratively good scripts, like Bad Buddy or He's Coming To Me. Others are content with having a show end with their fave pairs confirmed together in the end, no matter the process of how they got there.

This dismissal of people who disagree with your definition of good writing and good scripts is the kind of historical conversation and tone from your posts that suggests that you are a critical consumer of content and others who have different opinions are not. Much like you accused MBDL of using "we" to deflect from his own opinion, your use of "us" and "others" repeatedly in that piece gives an us/them perspective. Other is a very othering word, when others is used as a pronoun. Us lets you know you're in the in group, with the taste makers, others lets you know you're not allowed.

From the post that you're concerned was vague-blogged on, which is part of a lager conversation of Spare Me Your Mercy, and Thai writing in general, you said the following:

It seems to me that the fantasies of the fans are worth more, as an investment by GMMTV and other studios in Thailand, than actual artistic material that focuses on queerness at this point. Capitalism and mainstreaming go very well hand-in-hand when there's money to be made, and this, to me, speaks loudly to the excellent points that Shan has made above about really great queer art being anathema to center- and conservative-mainstreams. We're getting less of really great queer art in Thailand, because the dampening of queerness in Thai shows might very well mean more bucks for the studios. Finally, a last point about capitalism that I'd like to make. I've been seeing a rising number of posts and comments taking Tumblr bloggers to task for being critical (like, objectively critical) of bad shows. Many folks don't want to read criticism of their fave shows and stars. I want to note that if one takes this position -- the capitalists have won again. If you're someone who's trying to prevent critical takes from being published, well, you got got by the capitalists -- the studios, the managers who want you to be so in love with your faves that you will ponder asking a writer to censor themselves from making a critical take. You might feel ownership of your blorbo, protective of your favorite star. Those critical takes may feel, to you, like a takedown of your fave.

Again this is highly dismissive and rejects any critism of your takes as people who are just into shipping or faves. Similar to your criticism of the use of the term we in MBDL's post, here you use the term "one" here is short for anyone or everyone. You're claming anyone who disagrees with YOUR version of good writing and good scripts has been "got" by capitalism. (To be fair, I still don't know what your definition of good writing and good scripts are, and I've read all of your posts, as well as Ben's and Shan's and Twig-Tea's. So far I've got a list of common Thai tropes and themes that you don't approve of, and a tonality that is bothersome to you. Which is fair that you don't like it, but you catagorize those as bad and others as good.) Some people enjoyed the shows you didn't, and that's fine. Some of it they thought the scripts were good. Some of it they thought they weren't but enjoyed it anyway. As you stated in the above post this is your opinion and your blog, which is fair. But dismissing people who disagree with you as being got by capitalism and saying things like "ownership of your blorbo" which is to say that that's the only reason someone might like something, or that the only thing that people can like is high art and good scripts is frankly rude. And it's not even like you live up to your own standard. As you stated in the November 5th post:

Now, out of even MORE transparency, I am watching the MESS that is Kidnap right now, and listen, it's NOT GOOD. I'm fucking not even writing about it anymore, I'm just reblogging the sessy gifs. I am watching it to support Ohm Pawat, and am hoping that this partnership with Leng Thanaphon will hopefully lead to better scripts.... somewhere. (Or at least, better scripts for Ohm at a place like One31 or Channel 3. I also hope Ohm keeps up his anti-branded pair stance, but if GMMTV forces him to pair permanently with Leng, it won't be a fucking surprise, and more on that below.)

We're going to ignore that One31 is also owned by the same corporation as GMMTV here for a second, the money flows to the same overlord. We will also ignore that Jes Jespipat has stated that he wanted to leave Channel 3 for BOC, which his managment team, who is also owned by the same corporation as GMMTV and One31, because he felt BOC was full of like-minded people when it came to quality and production. Those are all easily serchable facts as is the fact that One31 and Channel 3 are mass market channels while GMMTV is a teen/ya market channel.

Those facts aside, I think it's really disingenous to suggest that you as a person are capable of distingishing between good writing and bad writing, because you a person with values, and then sometimes watch bad writing for your love of Ohm Pawat, (and who are we kidding, we all tuned in to Kidnap originally because Ohm Pawat had been returned to us). But the idea that you are capable of this thought, and actively choosing, and the way you stated above that anyone who rebutts your takes "got got by the capitalists" (bold is yours, see above and the post) if they tuned into a show for their faves that you didn't like, or thought was bad, that means they weren't doing the same kind of thinking you did around Kidnap. Or that the only way to distinguish what is good and what isn't is your way.

And the worst part of all of this is, lurkingshan and you, misrepresented the article that interviewed the screen writer, Lux and Sammon, and even @benkaben's essay for your own agenda in the post you're referring to. The exact stuff you're accusing MBDL of doing.

Benkaben's initial post that's also linked in lurnkingshan's post, focuses on the fact that there's a comment in the interview that conflates Shipping, Romance, Fanservice with NC scenes and suggests that it makes a work less serious. For those of you who won't link through to the original article, here's benkaben's words:

And hey, you don't need NC scenes for that! No, sexual intimacy is not the only thing that "proves" a romance exist. I mean heck, you could even go all the way around and have all the NC scenes in the world and still present a story where the characters aren't in love with each other, because sex ≠ romance. Absolutely. But also I'm, really tired™, of this idea that any kind of sex portrayed in media is only going to "taint" the final composition. As If sex and love stories were some dirty stain that automatically made the work lesser: Less serious, less formal, less dramatic. I don't agree with the idea that you have to sacrifice intimacy in order to be taken seriously. I don't agree with the idea that sex is by default, just fanservice and therefore it's portrayal subtracts automatically from the story.

The quote that Benkaben is referring to from the original translation is as follows, just in case you're wondering: (I am not fluent in thai and am trusting the translator understood the majority of what was said)

“Sammon's novels are primarily BL and include numerous love scenes. However, we deliberately chose not to present it as a BL story. While the characters are two men in love, we approached it with a dark drama style. The characters are gay, but we don’t offer fan service in every episode or include NC (explicit) scenes. This has been the plan from the beginning. Our decision to omit NC scenes wasn’t influenced by censorship, airtime, or the actors. It’s because the themes we are addressing are heavy and serious. NC scenes would detract from the story’s focus, which is the dark drama and euthanasia. Some fans of the novel might be disappointed, but we believe there’s other enjoyment to be found in the series, even without NC scenes.

The screenwriter states very clearly and explicitly that this was not censorship, airtime or the actors. It was not for the audience or what you can do on Thai television or giving in to the conservatives as lurkingshan argued. Lux said because the themes they were focusing on were heavy and serious, she felt fanserivce and sex detracted from the concept of euthenasia and dark drama.

In fact, I am going to pull out and highlight this line again:

The characters are gay, but we don’t offer fan service in every episode or include NC (explicit) scenes. This has been the plan from the beginning.

In this way, the screenwriter of Spare Me Your Mercy agrees with your main complaint about Thai BL in general that you spent a solid time going in on, that shows are focused on fan service over storytelling. The decision to remove the NC scenes and anything very romatnic, in the directors view, was to comply with your argument of removing fanservice in favor of storytelling.

Additionally, in this post, which prompted lurkingshan's post, you stated:

And — I believe it was also disingenuous to the two previously adapted Sammon stories of Manner of Death and Triage as well, as both of those dramas were able to hold both mystery and romantic storylines to excellent ends, with wonderful touches of intimacy along the way (MaxTul couch scene, my beloved).

Meanwhile, in the translated interview, that @slayerkitty posted Lux did discuss Sammon's thoughts:

When we spoke with the original author, she was also very supportive of this shift because she also wants to highlight the theme of euthanasia. While she herself is a Sao Y and a writer of BL novels, she understands the adaptation’s focus.

And I was honestly very confused by your post this week adding fan service is the downfall and the cause of censorship (which the director of Spare Me Your Mercy said it was not as stated above), because the director of Spare Me Your Mercy ultimately agreed that shows deserve to have a good script and not be beholden to fanservice. You disagree that his script is good. But that's his argument here.

I was even deeper horrified by this line in lurkingshan's post, which ties back to a previous post of yours:

I appreciated her clarity that despite the show receiving strong ratings and finding popularity with the mainstream domestic audience, that doesn't actually make it a success as a piece of narrative storytelling. And if anything, its popularity underlines why it was a failure as a queer narrative, in particular.

The overwhelming Western paternalism here that suggests that if something is popular in conservative countries and not in the greater queer world means it's a failure as a queer story...That's the statement there: It's popularity underlines why it was a faiulre as a queer narrative.

I think a lot about Casey McQuiston's work, a queer author in America who was raised in some of the most conservative parts of this country. Their work, specifically I Kissed Shara Wheeler is a love letter to queer folx who grew up in conservative communties who LOVE the communties they were raised in, even if that community couldn't fully love them back. I think a lot about all of the boy loves that were turned into bromances in Korea to make the bottom line so that something like Love in the Big City could get made. I think a lot about the amount of money and capital and power it takes to get a story made that a country doesn't want to get told: Saint mortgaged his house to open an entirely QL production house and make the first major GL in Thailand because no one would finance it, The author and director of Meet Me at the Blossom also put her house, and frankly her freedom, on the line to make that show. Because while we'd like to separate the art from capitalist structures, as long as we are living in a captialist world, we are going to have to find ways to both work within the system and resist it. There's a lot of jokes made about how to keep the serious tone of The Eclipse in it's serious true art vibe of telling a very serious story about the deadly nature of the closet and internalized homophobia, that Vice Versa had to have Lay's rain from the sky, because someone had to bring in the money to the company from advertisments to have The Eclipse have the cleaner vibe.

To quote the post by lurkingshan again:

High quality, well-executed, honest and authentic queer art is more likely to be protested than celebrated in places where real queer people are not safe to live free lives.

What makes queer art high-quality, well-executed, honest and authentic? What makes a place safe to live free lives?

In the US? Pose was a beautiful love letter to the Black and latinx trans community, looking at the history of Ballroom in the US in the 1980s. It was succesful in this country, as much of Ryan Murphy's work is. However, it is not safe for the Black and latinx trans communtiy to live in the United States of America. We've got the anti-trans legislation tracker and the HRC had identified 36 murders of Trans and Non-Binary people as of November 30th 2024, disproportionately Black trans women. They acknowldge this is an incomplete account due to: many deaths often go unreported or misreported, or misgendering of victims leads to delays in their identification. This does not even get into the systematic ways in which the queer community as a whole, but the Black queer community in general, is prevented from accessing key resources like housing and jobs with a livable wage.

The US is not a safe country for queer people to live free lives, not as a whole. I live in a Blue state, and am queer and a married to my queer partner. We are not fully out. We are not fully realized as queer humans. Very few queer people in this world live fully out, fully realized lives, due to colonialism and Imperialism. And that's what your argument largely fails to do, is account for the overlay of Western ideals onto non-Western media.

You state loudly that you want good Asian art, like Asian art should be a monolith. It is not for people who are not Thai to decide what good Thai art is, which is why you and lurkingshan do with quotes like this:

I appreciated her clarity that despite the show receiving strong ratings and finding popularity with the mainstream domestic audience, that doesn't actually make it a success as a piece of narrative storytelling. And if anything, its popularity underlines why it was a failure as a queer narrative, in particular.

This is, in my opinion, but you'd have to ask MBDL because he's not allowed to reply to this without violating your wishes, what he was responding to by the following:

"I just wanted to create a post that made people whose queer tastes diverge from others feel welcome to their own preferences and appreciate that there’s not a single stance in the queer BL fandom about what qualifies as good and/or queer work."

People like MBDL and @le-trash-prince, who are also queer, enjoyed the allegorical queer storytelling of Spare Me Your Mercy. The three gay men who you referenced above did not. That's...fine. that's the whole point of MBDL's message, queer people are not a monolith that all agree.

The people of Thailand, overall, enjoyed Spare Me Your Mercy. There is no way to poll what straight or queer Thai people specifically thought, but it's a key piece of the puzzle that Thai people enjoyed this show. Because that's the base audience. That's who they made it for.

But when you say, and I quote this post again: We're getting less of really great queer art in Thailand, because the dampening of queerness in Thai shows might very well mean more bucks for the studios.

You have decided that Thai shows are not great queer art any longer, and that they are dampening queerness off of the critisms of We Are and Perfect 10 Liners, that have been prevalent from your circle. I'll link this one @twig-tea wrote and another one @bengiyo wrote specifically, which comment on shows created by a queer Thai man, and the writing decisions for Spare Me Your Mercy, which were made using an argument you yourself use to suggest that shows shouldn't engage with imagined couples and fan-service. And while these are your opinions, you also, as I have quoted above, stated that:

Finally, a last point about capitalism that I'd like to make. I've been seeing a rising number of posts and comments taking Tumblr bloggers to task for being critical (like, objectively critical) of bad shows. Many folks don't want to read criticism of their fave shows and stars. I want to note that if one takes this position -- the capitalists have won again. If you're someone who's trying to prevent critical takes from being published, well, you got got by the capitalists -- the studios, the managers who want you to be so in love with your faves that you will ponder asking a writer to censor themselves from making a critical take.

I want to be clear, that MBDL writing a statement about how there are many ways to depict and appreciate queer stories is not saying you can't be critical. It's saying that there are alternative views. People saying if you hate GMMTV, maybe don't watch, are saying you seem to be miserable watching this, you can stop any time.

The thing people are rejecting in your critiques are not that you did not like something, that's fine. It is the sweeping statements that there is a right and a good way to make queer art, and everything else shouldn't be engaged with because it's ruining the genre or selling out to capitalist interests (as stated in the above linked Spare Me Your Mercy post by lurkingshan and yourself, and We Are posts twig-tea and bengiyo). Your words across all of these posts, and this one directed at MBDL are about policing other peoples actions and putting your values onto them. That is the core of toxic fandom. Expecting everyone to engage with it exactly the way you want to.

I'm of the opinion that what's good for queer Thai television is not for foriegn audiences to decide, ultimately. That's for queer Thai people to decide. And some of them may not want to make the greatest queer Thai television, some people may want to make fun queer Thai television, or silly queer Television. And that's also a wonderful thing.

Which is at the core of the argument that Dr. Thomas Baudinette started. Dr. Thomas Baudinette stated the following:

He does not state fully what those anti-social practices are. Are some of them likely toxic shipping, yes. But there's also toxic solo stans. (I do take Dr. Thomas Baudinette with a grain of salt because I also know he's a white academic speaking about a community he's not actually fully part of, and I would like to learn more about what Thai and Japanese and Korean fans think.) But his wording suggests that Thai fans are being influenced by fans of other markets: in your post you discuss the TayGun kiss of it all and there's this quote:

In this case, I would like to note that while we see GMMTV reducing blatant queer perspectives and frameworks from their shows, and promoting friend-ships or bro-ships, in the case of High School Frenemy and the SkyNani branded pair, we see GMMTV's (and Thai BL's) rise continue to grow in certain Asian countries (like China, Malaysia, and Indonesia, among others) that do not allow for public displays of queerness, among other restrictions. GMMTV does not hold branded pair fan meetings in these countries, and yet, these countries are some of the channel's biggest markets for its queer shows and pairs. As well, these countries (I am part-Malaysian myself) do not have public programs of sex education. Thus, if I am to assume that the majority fan bases of these shows are young folks in countries that do not offer robust sex education, then these young folks (of any gender) might not be inclined to join in and participate in conversations about queer equality. We, thus, get the outcry that occurred after Tay and Gun smooched. God forbid fantasies were to have been destroyed because two real-life people kissed. Two men, kissing, outside of the context of their branded pairs and outside the context of a drama. Some people have never been to the club before.

To the first part, GMMTV is not reducing their blatant queer perspectives in their shows. That is factually untrue. They've added more QLs (which at GMMTV are always romances) and queer strands in their non-BLs. In fact, the number of queer shows in 2019 was 3 (2 QL and 3 Will Be Free). The number of shows with QL in 2024 was 12 plus queer themes in an aditional 3 shows. That is an increase of 5 times more queer content in 2024 than in 2019. (source: MyDramaList - filtered for GMM25 and then removing anything not produced through GMMTV). This does not touch on how many of the writers and directors for GMMTV are queer people under the age of 40 sharing their perspectives. Now you don't have to like those queer perspectives but they're not getting less queer. In fact, for the 2025 wave, which did not show a reduction in queer perspectives, but in fact showed a proposed total of 15 BLs, 2 GLs, 1 het (oh Nanon's never coming back), 1 mixed stories with some VERY explicitly queer sections, 1 SkyNani bromance, with 4 BL still outstanding, 1 GL set to air in two weeks, and 6 outstanding non-BLs from the 2024 Up and Above announcements. Second, You conflate the lack of acess to public programs of sexual education to a lack of inclination to join and participate in discussions around queer equity. You then use the word Thus to show causation from lack of access to public programs of sex education and repression of queer people to people having meltdowns over TayGun kissing. Lack of education is not why fans don't have boundaries and can't accept their fantasy bubble being broken. I promise you, Taylor Swift fans yelling at her ex boyfriends over her songs are not doing so because of lack of education about sexual ethics. It's about ownership, which is the heart of the anti-capitalist message you espouse. We allow fans worldwide, not just in specific Asian countries to behave badly becaues they've bought a product of a brand.

The concept of toxic fans is not new nor singular to Thai BL media. @chaos0pikachu has one of my favorite rundowns ever on how the tin hats existed in bandom (and GLEE) before Thai BL was ever a thing. I didn't survive Glee and the loss of Chris Colfer as an actor for us to pretend that the people who do this kind of toxic shit for us to pretend that CPs are the cause. I certainly didn't watch Once Upon A Time fans tweet @ Colin O'Donoghue they hoped his pregnant wife would just die so he could be free to be with Jennifer Morrison for us to pretend this is a BL problem. I definitely didn't watch people harrass Rafael Silva and Ronen Rubenstein out of posting their friendship as a gay and a bi man acting together because the assumption was they were having an affiar behind Ronen's partner's back for us to pretend this was a Thai BL problem due to CPs. I did not watch a bunch of people use interviews promoting the show and the fact that they kiss well to say that Jacob Anderson and Sam Reid are having an affair for us to pretend CPs make this problem.

This problem exists with or without branded pairings, but is entirely tied to idol culture and the objectification of celebrity brand and the intrenchment in being a "Stan" and we've completely lost the plot, Eminem. I still think about regularly Katy Perry asking Stevie Nicks who her rivals were, and Stevie Nicks saying she didn't have rivals but contemporaries. Modern fan culture, globally, in the social media era is set up for rivals: the Swifties, the Bey-Hive, the Katy-Cats, the Barbs, Army etc. Fan culture is like this, and without fans participating in the isolation and ignoring of these people they will continue to harrass and attack people, because as Wicked reminds us, the best way to unite people is to give them a common enemy.

I don't know if you watched the disaster that was Korean netizens sending funeral wreaths to be set up in front of SM building for the member of RII7E who tried to return after fans stalked him to catch him engaging in inappropriate behavior and dug up a middle school girlfriend, which was allowed by the company. I do believe some of this is what he's referring to by anti-social behavior. One of the most horrifying acts of behavior against a GMMTV artist was someone getting into Fluke Nattanon's car and refusing to get out. Like...that's the scariest shit. That shit should be handled. That had nothing to do with shipping culture, and everything to do with a company not enforcing boundaries.

Any time and I mean any time, a person feels that they have the right to objectify a person and control them, that is both NEVER okay and is also NEVER the fault of the person who is being treated that way. No amount of branded pairing is responsible for toxic fans who don't have boundaries. Should the companies do something about them, yes, and that's what Dr. Baudinette is referring to.

To quote @wen-kexing-apologist's essay on objectification of Asian men which you linked in the post on Spare Me Your Mercy:

We all need to, but white Westerners especially, be extremely careful and introspective with the ways we are engaging with queer Asian media

And I take this very seriously. I think it applies not just to the objectification and commodification of the actors, as wen-kexing-apologist wrote about, but also applies to the infantilization and removal of agency of the writers, directors, actors and audiences in Asian countries who are engaging in the process of making and enjoying queer Asian art, suggesting they are not active participants in the process. It is not for interfans to talk over Thai writers, directors, actors and fans of what is and is not true for them and their country's work around queer Thai art.

The long and the short of it, is if you're going to post opinions as facts and undercut anyone who disagrees with you: on what is and what isn't good Asian media, what is and isn't good Thai media, what is and is not queer media, and how people should measure it, and other queer people say out loud: we don't have to all measure queer media the same way and we can have different opinions, and this is your response...I honestly wish you peace.

Clearing The Air On This Wack-Ass Event Of Toxic Fandom That My Brown Ass Was Recently Dragged Into

(*References and endnotes are posted in the comments.)

This past weekend, I was unwittingly brought into an event of toxic fandom instigated by @maybe-boys-do-love. The following is an account of that event, and a rebuttal to misrepresentations that he made in his posts.

1) Chronology of Events and Clarification of Communication, Connections, and Blocks

Late last week, @lurkingshan posted a thought piece about separating art and commerce in discussions of queer shows, and talked, in part, about Spare Me Your Mercy and the show's ratings popularity in Thailand as compared to its narrative shortcomings. The piece also talks about the artistic success, versus the public outcry, of the South Korean queer show, Love In The Big City. I, and a few others, reblogged the post with thought pieces of our own. (If you are interested in following along, reading the second link is a necessity.)

Tumblr user @maybe-boys-do-love subsequently posted, separately on his blog, a reaction post to Shan's post and my reblog of her post (1). His reaction contained misreads and dangerous misrepresentations of Shan's and my writing.

Shan and @maybe-boys-do-love had previously mutually blocked each other (2). Therefore, @maybe-boys-do-love went around the block to react to Shan's post.

He did not make clear to his audience that he was reacting to Shan's post. He wrote his reaction post without citing or linking to Shan's post, and did not tag me as well, thus removing both myself and Shan from a discourse that we had instigated, and prevented his audience from knowing or understanding his reference point for his reaction.

Mutuals reached out to me with @maybe-boys-do-love's piece, having previously read Shan's and my posts.

I DMed @maybe-boys-do-love to note to him that I had seen his post, and that I preferred to be tagged directly in discourse. I wrote that I would write today's post as a means of correcting the incorrect assumptions he made about my opinions. I also checked with @lurkingshan to make her aware of the post and ask if she wanted to be included in a response. Shan stated that she had already blocked @maybe-boys-do-love for previous instances where he indirectly vague-posted about her and misrepresented her writing, and that she had no interest in responding, but was fine with me doing so.

I then publicly reblogged @maybe-boys-do-love's reaction post with a clarifying note, sharing the link to Shan's original post and my reblog of our original SMYM discourse. I noted publicly that his reaction post contained misreads and inaccuracies that I will be clarifying today.

@maybe-boys-do-love deleted my reblog. I do not see my original reblog of his reaction post in his reblog notes. Mutuals confirmed, from their blogs, that they also cannot see my original reblog of his reaction post.

I requested to him by DM that he reinstate my reblog. He did not. He reblogged my reblog from my own blog (sorry, y'all) with a response to me and a general defense of his original reaction post.

He denied in DMs that he had deleted my reblog. I stated that I didn't believe him, and requested for our DM conversation to end (3).

2) Toxic Fandom and Expectations of Personal Accountability in Public Forums

Before I get into the nitty-gritty of responding to @maybe-boys-do-love's reaction post, I want to take a quick second to talk about toxic fandom and accountability, because it's been a topic bubbling up particularly in the world of the fandom of Asian, and specifically Thai, QLs. My public and private conversations with @maybe-boys-do-love about this reaction incident, prior to this post's publication, have been filled with a kind of noxious disingenuousness and deceit that has given me the damn creeps.

I've had tussles with other bloggers before about our disagreements of the art and economics of Asian QLs. The discourse has been almost always so much fun, often argumentative, sometimes gritty, sometimes passive aggressive, and sometimes parasocial involving the celebrities and creators of these shows.

I have always kept discourse respectful, and I pride myself with integrity on responding to any point that has been shot my way. I have been blocked for my takes, and I have encouraged others to block me if my takes are not to their liking, and they attack me for them. I encourage folks who don't like my takes to curate their Tumblr experiences, and take agency for what they agree with and want to read.

If I rant about someone's potential faves -- someone's fave shows or couples -- I put trigger warnings on those posts (here and here are two examples, and the most immediate link above also has a TW), knowing there's a lot of sensitivity out there over content. I trust the judgement of readers to read those trigger warnings and to skedaddle.

In other words, I take full responsibility and accountability for my writing, and I expect my readers to engage with me in good faith in return. I'm proud of the critical posts I've made over the last two and a half years here on Tumblr, especially my exploration of the history of the Thai BL genre through my Old GMMTV Challenge project.

I posted recently that the Asian QL scholar, Dr. Thomas Baudinette, believes that the number one threat to the growth of the Thai BL industry is toxic fandom and the prioritization of problematic markets.

It's funny that I posted that a few days before this incident happened. The specific elements of toxic behavior as demonstrated by @maybe-boys-do-love, as stated above, are that he

a) subverted blocks to read and respond to Shan's post without citing her, b) he did not clarify for his audience what he was reacting to, thus rendering untruthful his real intentions in writing his post, and c) his actual reaction post contained misreads and misinterpretations of Shan's and my analysis.

I'd like to name some elements of toxic behavior and fandom that occurred in the public communication I had with @maybe-boys-do-love to highlight them in order to emphasize the disrespectful nature of this incident.

In his reblog of my clarification post to his original reaction post, @maybe-boys-do-love writes,

"I also want to respect that not everyone wants to get involved in a back-and-forth on here."

Because of previous DMs, reblogs, tags, and comments on and of my work that @maybe-boys-do-love has made, I know that he is very familiar with my blog and my writing. We have previously communicated publicly and privately. I do not know why he would make an assumption that I would not have wanted to be tagged in his original reaction post, reacting inaccurately to points I made in my Spare Me Your Mercy post, considering that he and I have a public history of prior engagement. 

This assumption (remember the adage about assuming…) makes so little sense to me that I can only conclude he is coming from a stance of a disingenuous and untruthful defense.

More concerning, @maybe-boys-do-love follows with:

"I just wanted to create a post that made people whose queer tastes diverge from others feel welcome to their own preferences and appreciate that there’s not a single stance in the queer BL fandom about what qualifies as good and/or queer work."

Again, as @maybe-boys-do-love is familiar with my blog, I do not know why he would assume that my work is insular so as to not welcome different perspectives and discourse on my opinions -- as he and I had actually engaged, in the past, on our opinions of other content, and that there is overwhelming proof on my blog that I love engaging in discourse with others.

The statement that "there's not a single stance in the queer BL fandom" about my work is disingenuous, disrespectful, and toxic.

If it's not clear in the most obvious way -- and it may not be clear to some -- I am a personal blogger, posting my opinions and analysis, on a personal blog. My blog isn't Encyclopedia fucking Brittanica.

@maybe-boys-do-love indicates in his reblog that his mutuals helped him get around his and Shan's blocks. 

He also identifies as a "flaming gay guy" to characterize his position for his love of Spare Me Your Mercy, leading him to go around the blocks to comment on Shan's original post.

"Friends of mine shared the post with me knowing the love I, as a flaming gay guy, had for Spare Me Your Mercy."

I want to note that in the context of this characterization, I myself reached out to three gay male friends (one Asian friend, and two white friends married to each other). (There's nothing that IRL people love more than an Internet beef.) These three individuals range on the flaming spectrum, and assured me that @maybe-boys-do-love's position does not count as spoken monolithically for the gay male community (4).

Which leads me to my last point (for now) about toxic fandom. As iterated above: these Tumblr blogs we write on are personal blogs, homes to personal opinions, created by individuals.

The danger of trying to leverage group-think or group-speak to validate toxic opinions and toxic engagement with others is high within fandom discourse. I see it all the time on X in BL shipper circles. Maybe @maybe-boys-do-love's friends were too cowardly to write reaction posts of their own, and asked their friend to write one on their behalf. If that's the case, @maybe-boys-do-love can show us the receipts. But I'm guessing that didn't happen.

Within group and family therapy arenas, and human relations and business environments, counseling often focuses on "I-speak" -- the practice of using the "I" pronoun to claim accountability for facts, opinions, recounting of details, and so on. Using the "we" pronoun to justify a position -- without identifying who your "we" is -- weakens a stance, and at the same time, creates panic and fear within a group or community. It's a tactic often used in gaslighting or supremacist situations to generate collective fear over incorrect facts and threats.

This tactic is useless in a scenario like this, when there is ample published proof that @maybe-boys-do-love published a misrepresentative reaction post that did not link to the original source, deceiving his audience; he subsequently tried to monolithically speak for others, and to leverage and claim community to justify his doing so. It's wrong, it's disingenuous, and it's toxic.

I wouldn't want this guy speaking for me, and I hope readers of this post wouldn't want him to, either.

3) Responding to Misrepresented Points in MBDL's Reaction Post

Note: Much of @maybe-boys-do-love's reaction post reacted to points that @lurkingshan made about Spare Me Your Mercy and the Asian QL genre. I have consulted with Shan on my responses and she has approved them.

My entire rebuttal is long. An abridged version is below, and the entire rebuttal is linked here at this private link.

I want to start my response to misrepresented points in @maybe-boys-do-love's reaction post by highlighting the most noxious misread he made. He writes,

"and just a friendly reminder that a simple BL romcom is equally as queer of a story as a story about HIV."

Much of @maybe-boys-do-love's reaction post seemed magically conjured out of his ass to assume or imply that certain points were made by @lurkingshan when they were most certainly not.

NOT ONCE IN @lurkingshan's POST WAS LOVE IN THE BIG CITY DESCRIBED AS A "STORY ABOUT HIV." IN FACT, HIV WAS NEVER MENTIONED AT ALL, BY ANYONE, IN THE ORIGINAL POST, OR ANY OF THE REBLOGS AND ADDITIONS.

That was a heinous and noxious misread and reduction of @lurkingshan's post, wholly inaccurate and misrepresentative of the tone and content of Shan's original writing, and more revealing about him and his perspectives about the shows, than anyone he was pretending to fight.

And nowhere in @lurkingshan's original post did she claim that a BL romcom was not as "equally as queer" as any other story.

I want to respond specifically to an analysis of capitalism and markets that I made in my reblog of Shan's post, that @maybe-boys-do-love then reacted to.

"just a reminder, if we wanna talk about capitalism, that the whole idea of a work being better or worse, queerer or less queer, more valuable or less valuable based on it’s reception in numbers (either higher or lower) is not something Marx and Engels would be into, since they ascribed to exchange value over use value. The labor put into the work is where it’s at—and all of these shows had plentiful hours of (queer) labor put into them! But not everyone who talks about the wrongs of capitalism on here is actually interested in the finer details of how capitalism operates, the full political and economic realities of the companies making these shows, nor the individuals who are forced to fight for change within capitalism’s global structure."

This was such a convoluted, random, and inaccurate reaction to my post that I had to send it to a family member who is an actual professional economist (again, remember, IRL people love internet beefs) (5). He assured me that Karl Marx and Fredreich Engels would NOT have wanted to get tangled up in this beef.

But, anyway. I'm not a communist, and when I speak about capitalism and the markets to which Asian QL content is marketed to, I'm not analyzing the quantity of labor put into these shows that needs to be exchanged on the various Asian markets in order for the shows to be made. That's a very specific sightline into production budgets that maybe tingles @maybe-boys-do-love's brain. I think he was just trying to sound smart.

I want to be clear that he reacted to nothing I wrote in my post. This was a made-up stream of something that only established how he watches and judges shows.

But because I used the word "capitalism" in my post to talk about how GMMTV and other studios are addressing queerness and queer perspectives in their shows, @maybe-boys-do-love found reason to take issue with my writing, and to assume an air of intellectualism to establish a false sense of superiority -- by posting drivel.

All responses can be found at this link.

4) Conclusion and a Public Request to Respect Boundaries

As I wrote above: I wrote this post to make a public record of rebuttal against misinterpretations made about my writing by @maybe-boys-do-love.

I will publicly request that @maybe-boys-do-love do not contact me again. Do not reblog, tag, or comment on my posts.

If I have to block @maybe-boys-do-love, I will. However, I want the ability to read any further reaction he might have to this rebuttal, especially if he continues to besmirch my writing inaccurately and disingenuously.

As he demonstrated that he could not respect Shan's boundaries prior to this incident, I will say publicly now:

RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES.

And I want to thank the many mutuals who reached out to me during this incident to offer your support, and to notify me that this public incident of misrepresentation was taking place.

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads / storygraph

The Poisons We Drink

YA urban fantasy

a girl who brews powerful potions is coerced into making potions to interfere with D.C.’s most influential politicians in an attempt to stop a dangerous Witcher Registration Act from passing, and will do anything to protect her sister after their mother is killed

bi MC, nonbinary love interest

arc from netgalley

[luckyladylily]

So a few months ago there was the discourse about would you rather meet a man or a bear in the woods. I didn't want to touch it while the discourse was hot and everyone dug in hard because those are not good conditions for nuance, but I waited until today, June 1st, for a specific reason.

I'm not going to take a position in the bear vs man debate because I don't think it matters. What is really being asked here is how afraid are you of men? Specifically, unexpected men who are, perhaps, strange.

People have a lot of very real fear of men that comes from a lot of very real places. Back when I was first transitioning in 2015 and 2016, I decided to start presenting as a woman in public even though I did not pass in the slightest.

I live in a red state. I knew other trans women who had been attacked by men, raped by men. I knew I was taking a risk by putting myself out there. I was the only visibly trans person in the area of campus I frequented, and people made sure I never forgot that. Most were harmless enough and the worst I got from them was curious stares. Others were more aggressive, even the occasional threat. I had to avoid public bathrooms, of course, and always be aware of my surroundings.

I know how frightening it is to be alone at night while a pair of men are following behind you and not knowing if they are just going in the same direction or if they want to start something - made all the worse for the constant low level threat I had been living under for over a year by just being visibly trans in a place where many are openly hostile to queer people. You have to remember, this was at the height of the first wave of bathroom law discussions, a lot of people were very angry about trans women in particular. My daily life was terrifying at times. I was never the subject of direct violence, but I knew trans women who had been.

I want you to keep all that in mind.

So man or bear is really the question "how afraid of men are you?", and the question that logically follows is "What if there was a strange man at night in a deserted parking lot?" or "What if you were alone in an elevator with a man?" or "What if you met a strange man in the woman's bathroom?"

My state recently passed an anti trans bathroom bill. The rhetoric they used was about protecting women and children from "strange men", aka trans women.

Conservatives hijack fear for their bigoted agenda.

When I first started presenting as a woman the campus apartment complex was designed for young families. The buildings were in a large square with playgrounds in the center, and there were often children playing. I quickly noticed that when I took my daughter out to play, often several children would immediately stop what they were doing and run back inside. It didn't take me long to confirm that the parents were so afraid of "the strange man who wears skirts" that their children were under strict instructions to literally run away as soon as they saw me.

"How afraid are you of a strange man being near your children?"

I mentioned above that I had to avoid public bathrooms. This was not because of men. It was because of women who were so afraid of random men that they might get violent or call someone like the police to be violent for them if I ever accidentally presented myself in a way that could be interpreted as threatening, when my mere presence could be seen as a threat. If I was in the library studying and I realized that it was just me and one other woman I would get up and leave because she might decide that stranger danger was happening.

Your fear is real. Your fear might even come from lived experiences. None of that prevents the fact that your fear can be violent. Women's fear of men is one of the driving forces of transmisogyny because it is so easy to hijack. And it isn't just trans women. Other trans people experience this, and other queer people too. Racial minorities, homeless people, neurodivergent people, disabled people.

When you uncritically engage with questions like man or bear, when you uncritically validate a culture of reactive fear, you are paving the way for conservatives and bigots to push their agenda. And that is why I waited until pride month. You cannot engage and contribute to the culture of reactive fear without contributing to queerphobia of all varieties. The sensationalist culture of reactive fear is a serious queer issue, and everyone just forgot that for a week as they argued over man or bear. I'm not saying that "man" is the right answer. I am saying that uncritically engaging with such obvious click bait trading on reactive fear is a problem. Everyone fucked up.

It is not a moral failing to experience fear, but it is a moral responsibility to keep a handle on that fear and know how it might harm others.

[aishangotome]

Nokto Klein: Chapter 1

Chapter 0

I used to think love was beautiful, sweet, and something more virtuous.

Until I met this "love."

*flashback*

Nokto: With this, Emma is officially my fiancée in name and in fact. Everyone here in Benitoite is the best witness.

Emma: ...Yes, I'm happy.

Nokto: I'm very happy too.

(This...)

(Liar––...!!)

The lying prince, cloaked in the aura of night, is a beast like a sweet trap, captivating his prey with his gaze, gestures, and voice.

I was deceived many times in the palm of his hand---

-

Nokto: Unfortunately, whether you acknowledge it or not, I've been a prince since birth. Since my father is the king.

Emma: It's fine, this is about my feelings.

Emma: To me, Nokto, you're not a prince, or a candidate for the next king, or anything like that. You're just a dangerous, cunning, and frivolous person.

-

We clashed many times like puzzle pieces that wouldn't fit together––

Emma: Don't say "die" so easily...

Nokto: ...

Nokto: It's up to me what I do with myself, isn't it?

Emma: ...

-

We missed each other many times, and yet, after touching his past, the truth hidden behind his lies---

We drowned in our one and only, final love.

Nokto: I have to make sure I catch you properly.

Nokto: Drown in me as much as you can.

Nokto: With the king's favor, I'll spoil you, body and soul.

Emma: ––Nokto. I love you.

Nokto: Yeah. I love you too, Emma.

We exchanged words of love over and over again, deepening our love for each other.

As if to confirm that the emotions, the happiness we had obtained, were real.

Perhaps we were pretending not to notice.

Both of us––

-

Emma: Nn, Nokto... wait...

Nokto: If I wait, I'll miss the best part, won't I?

Emma: Ahh... nn...

In the quiet of the night when everyone is asleep, Nokto ravishes me in the darkened room.

My mind and body are so melted that I lose track of how much time has passed.

Emma: Please, no more...!

Nokto: I love that lewd look on your face right now, and I want to see more of it. Are you sure you want to stop?

Emma: ...

He looks at me with eyes that seem to yearn for me from the depths of his heart, with a hint of desperation, and my heart starts to race.

(That's not fair... When you look at me like that, I can't refuse.)

My silence becomes the best affirmation, and my beloved narrows his crimson eyes in satisfaction.

Nokto: Then, without further ado, I'll melt you even more thoroughly.

I drown in the pleasure Nokto brings me, wholeheartedly accepting his passion.

Loved deeply, at the end of an irresistible, intense pleasure, he embraces my heated body.

I bury my face in Nokto's chest, feeling his warmth and heartbeat as I try to catch my breath.

(Our sweet moments together are always intense, and he loves me until I can't move...)

(But it wasn't originally like this.)

(It feels like somewhere along the way, the time we spend drowning in each other's love has increased...)

As I try to gather my scattered thoughts, unable to think of anything after being so thoroughly loved---

Nokto: Oh, you still seem to have some energy left.

Nokto, with a mischievous smile, pulls me onto his lap and drives into me deeply once again.

Emma: Ahh, Nokto––!

My body trembles uncontrollably, and I collapse against Nokto. He soothes me by stroking my back.

Emma: Haa... I wasn't expecting a second round...

I take my revenge by nibbling on his neck, and Nokto laughs playfully.

Nokto: Sorry, sorry. I thought you might like being taken by surprise like that.

Nokto trails his slightly parted lips down my neck, softly biting the same spot, sucking as if to leave a mark.

Even that simple act sends another sweet sensation through my core, where the heat of pleasure still lingers.

Emma: Nn, if you leave a mark there, it'll be visible.

Nokto: Don't worry, your new dress has a choker, right?

Nokto: I made sure to leave it in a place where it would be hidden.

(...That's right. I'm not wearing my usual clothes.)

Nokto: From tomorrow, we'll both be in diplomatic attire all the time, so it might take some getting used to for a few days.

Emma: ...Yeah, that's right.

(Tomorrow, we leave the castle.)

--Earlier--

Emma: To Benitoite?

Nokto: It's a little ways off, though.

A few days ago–– Nokto and I, who had new formal attire and a dress made for diplomatic purposes at his suggestion, were in our room trying on the finished clothes.

With the help of the maids, I put on the new dress, and Nokto was complimenting me when he suddenly told me we were going to Benitoite. I was a little surprised, but it made sense.

Emma: So that's why you suggested we have new formal wear made.

Nokto: Half correct. As a reward, I'll give you a kiss in my new formal attire.

Nokto, with a mischievous smile on his lips, pulls me close and cups my chin.

Emma: H-Hey, the maids are still here, so save that for later...

Nokto: That's right. So, would you mind giving us some privacy for my shy fiancée?

The maids, with gentle smiles, quietly leave the room.

(This is so embarrassing...)

Nokto: Now I can give you as many rewards as I want, right?

His crimson eyes draw closer, and when Nokto's lips softly land on mine, my heart leaps.

Emma: Nn...

I thought he would pull away soon, but the arm around my waist tightens, and his tongue parts my lips, deepening the kiss.

As he invades my mouth, bringing heat with him, my mind starts to go pleasantly numb.

Emma: ––S-Stop!

Nokto: What's wrong? Not satisfied with just a kiss?

Emma: That's not it, it's too much for a reward.

Nokto: Is it? I'm thinking we could continue this in bed. What do you say?

Emma: It would be a disaster if we got the new dress dirty...

Nokto: Oh? You're that worried? Does that mean you're aware of how much this is making you melt?

Nokto's fingers trail down to my lower abdomen, tapping lightly through the fabric of my dress, and he gives me a provocative smile.

Emma: That's not...

Nokto: Your face is bright red. It's a shame, but I think I'll save the fun for tonight.

Nokto: Patience is a spice that makes me love you even more, you know?

Nokto: Well then, shall we get down to business?

Nokto's demeanor shifts to that of His Majesty the King, and I straighten up.

Nokto: A while ago–– while I was away from the castle on official business, the royal family of Obsidian, our ally and former enemy...

Nokto: You know they visited Rhodolite in secret, right?

Nokto: Leon and Chevalier, both leaders of our alliance, met with them as my representatives...

Nokto: And they were suddenly asked to cooperate with Obsidian and Rhodolite to investigate the purpose of the three countries that formed an alliance: Tanzanite, Acroite, and Ruby.

Nokto: To give them an answer, Leon, Chevalier, and Yves went to Obsidian...

Nokto: As a result of the talks, in exchange for sharing advanced technology, including military support,

Nokto: It was officially decided that our country would investigate the purpose of the three countries and share the information.

Nokto: The rest of the princes, including me, are preparing to depart to gather information on the three countries,

Nokto: And to observe the movements of neighboring countries.

Emma: Does that mean Nokto will be in charge of Benitoite?

Nokto: Correct.

Nokto: We've always been allies with Benitoite and have a close relationship, but with the three-country alliance between us, Jade, and Obsidian,

Nokto: And now this three-country alliance between Tanzanite, Acroite, and Ruby––

Nokto: It's diplomatically important to know what they think about these two three-country alliances.

Nokto: That's why as king myself, I decided it was necessary to confirm in person, and I'm the one going to Benitoite.

Emma: I see...

Nokto: So, here's the main topic... Will you come to Benitoite with me?

Emma: You ask me that after preparing such a wonderful dress for me?

Nokto: It's better to have more dresses, and it's not just for this occasion.

Nokto: Well, knowing you, I thought you'd obediently follow me even if I told you after the fact.

Nokto: But I still wanted to hear your opinion properly.

Emma: Hehe, you're unusually well-behaved and sincere.

Nokto: I have been from the beginning.

Emma: I can still clearly remember being made your fake fiancée without any consultation.

Nokto: It's wonderful that you have such vivid memories.

Nokto: But now, you're my real fiancée, right?

My heart aches sweetly as Nokto takes my left hand and reverently kisses the engagement ring on my ring finger.

Sharing so much time with Nokto as the days pass, I find things that have changed from the beginning. Even small things, filling me with an indescribable feeling.

(When we first met, I was always being toyed with, and I was wary of Nokto as a dangerous person.)

(I had never had someone express their true feelings and emotions to me so directly, or stir my heart so much.)

To be worthy of being Nokto's fiancée, the future queen, I've been taking lessons and acquiring knowledge almost every day.

Now, when Nokto is away from the castle, I'm entrusted with some official duties as his representative––

This is because Nokto recognized my abilities, regardless of my position, and it strengthens my resolve to do my best for Nokto and for Rhodolite, increasing my motivation.

(Investigating other countries' reactions to the three-country alliance is also to avoid a crisis in our own country.)

(I've been to Benitoite several times with Nokto...)

(I might be able to be more useful there than in a country I'm visiting for the first time.)

(Above all, if there's something I can do for Nokto, I want to. There's no other option for me but to go.)

Emma: I want to go with you, Nokto.

Nokto: ..............

Nokto: ...I knew you'd say that. Thank you.

(Huh...?)

Even though my answer should have been obvious, Nokto smiled with unexpected joy.

But at the same time, his crimson eyes lowered slightly, casting a shadow.

(Nokto...?)

Nokto: What? Are you staring at me... begging for a kiss?

Emma: That's not––nn!

Nokto: Okay. I'll give you plenty of kisses. I'm in a good mood right now.

––back to present––

(––At that time, I felt like Nokto's expression clouded over for a moment.)

(But Nokto didn't seem particularly different after that, so maybe I was just mistaken...?)

As if to bring me back from my wandering thoughts, Nokto nibbles on my neck again and licks my earlobe.

Emma: Ah...

With the sweet stimulation from his fingertips tracing my waist, my mind is filled with Nokto.

Nokto: You're lost in thought again, leaving me behind. Are you nervous because this is your first time going abroad for an inspection?

Emma: I'm not nervous. It's just...

Nokto: Just?

(I'm concerned about how Nokto was acting back then, but maybe I was mistaken...)

Emma: ...No, maybe I was nervous after all.

Nokto: Then I'll get rid of that nervousness before the inspection.

Nokto: I want you to feel happy at all times. I don't need any emotions that hinder that.

A deep, sweet kiss falls upon me, and I melt into Nokto once again.

(But––even though his touch and words are sweet, why does my heart feel a little uneasy?)

Soon, there was no room left in my mind to ponder the questions in my heart, as I drowned in the love Nokto intensely gave me once again that night.

After the intense night passed and we departed from the castle, Nokto and I were rocked by the carriage for several days––

It was the refreshing sea breeze coming through the window that told me we had entered Benitoite.

-

(This is... amazing.)

Immediately after arriving at Benitoite Castle and greeting the king, I'm stunned by the sheer luxury of the guest room we're shown to.

Benitoite is a country of sea and trade, dealing with all sorts of countries, so both the city and the castle are dazzling.

(We passed countless works of art on the way to the guest room, but...)

(Even to my untrained eye, the ornaments are too expensive to be kept in a guest room, and the room is too spacious, even for two people––)

(Everything is so grand and luxurious that my jaw drops.)

More than anything, it was the sea spreading out beyond the large window that captured my heart.

As I stand transfixed before the window, Nokto, sitting on the sofa beside me, watches me with a smile playing on his lips.

Nokto: You're glued to the window like a child, you know?

Emma: Yeah. Because it's so beautiful...

Just looking at the sparkling sea, dazzlingly reflecting the sunlight, makes my heart dance.

Nokto: You're as excited as if you're seeing the sea for the first time...

Nokto: Even though you've been to Benitoite several times and have seen the sea each time.

Nokto's chuckle makes me blush with embarrassment.

Nokto: I've been shown to guest rooms several times, but this one has the best view.

Nokto: It pays to speak up.

Emma: What do you mean?

When I ask, Nokto immediately takes my hand and gently pulls me closer.

Nokto: Actually, I wrote it in the letter I sent to Benitoite when we announced our visit this time.

Nokto: That my fiancée is looking forward to seeing the sea again.

Emma: Does that mean...?

Nokto: As a country with flourishing trade, they have many visitors from other countries, and their service is more attentive than any other country.

Nokto: That's probably why we were shown to this guest room with a nice view.

(The purpose of this visit is inspection, so I didn't tell Nokto, but...)

(I was really looking forward to seeing the sea again.)

Emma: I guess I can't keep secrets from you, Nokto.

Nokto: Did you think I was only uncovering your body every night?

Nokto smiles sweetly, his words laced with jest.

(I see, maybe it wasn't just to make me happy...)

(Maybe he also did it so I wouldn't get too stressed about the inspection.)

My heart flutters uncontrollably at Nokto's kindness and consideration.

Emma: Thank you, Nokto. I'm so happy.

Nokto: I'm glad. But, just words?

His cool fingertips trail teasingly up my back, and a different kind of sweetness than excitement starts to make my heart race.

(But it's true that words alone aren't enough to express my gratitude...)

With all my heart, I initiate a kiss, simply touching Nokto.

Nokto: Wait, this isn't the end, is it?

Emma: Nn, Nokto...!

His fingertips trail more heatedly up my back, slipping beneath the fabric of my dress.

My body, remade night after night by Nokto, easily heats up, and like a butterfly drawn to a flower, I try to meet his lips once more, when––

Suddenly, the door bursts open with a tremendous bang, as if it had been kicked in.

.

.

.

Chapter 2

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[crow-crystal]

DC PROMPT TIME

Jason Todd x Reader

(Made this while I take a small break from my Batsis au. Leans more towards fem Reader)

☆★☆★☆★☆

Is it you? Have my prayers been answered?

Reader stood in the middle of the room they'd grown so familiar with in the past few years. Breath hitching as she looked to the man in the doorway, he seemed just as frozen as she was. Reader had been there when Bruce figured out the infamous Red Hood's identity, yet they still hadn't been able to do much of anything with the knowledge. Perhaps it hadn't truly sunk in? The fact the boy she'd been in love with was alive, the fact his grave she'd visited so many times was now empty.

Is it really you standing there, or am I dreaming once more?

She couldn't help but whisper to herself if this was real. So many times, she'd woken disappointed, heartbroken, and empty. Stepping towards the man coated in blood if only a little. She remembered clearly when Bruce found out who Red Hood was. When they found out Jason was alive.

You look different, your eyes look tired

Your frame is lighter, your smile torn

Is it really you, my love?

Jason couldn't help but stare. It'd been so long after all. She was older now, aged like fine wine, as some would say. If he could, he might have cracked a joke at how she still wasn't taller than him. The apartment building, the same one the two had declared was going to be theirs one day back when they were kids, seemed so much different now. Reader had grown accustomed to the emptiness of their apartment and the noise that came with the men that had taken over most of the building. As disgusting as they were, they never committed a crime, at least not one that they couldn't bribe their way out of. Bruce had tried so many times in the past to convince her to move, but she'd promised Jason all those years ago that they would live together here. Silly as it may be, she wanted to be able to do something, anything to keep him in her life someway after he was gone.

I am not the man you fell in love with

I am not the man you once adored

I am not your kind and gentle husband

And I am not the love you knew before

Jason didn't know whether he wanted to run away or collapse into her arms. The both of them stared at the other with tears gathering in their eyes, and Jason just barely managed to choke out how he wasn't the Robin she knew anymore. He'd said it so many times to Bruce after all. So much time had passed, and he still held so much pain and anger towards the world that refused to change after his death. The magic Robin gave him, the magic he once loved would never return to his life, and he'd never be the child he once was. He was ready, ready for her to tell him to leave, to be scared, disgusted, and angry at him for changing.

Would you fall in love with me again

If you knew all I've done?

The things I cannot change

Would you love me all the same?

I know that you've been waiting, waiting for love

Bruce had spoken, in one of the rare moments Jason listened, of how Reader was doing. How she'd been the past few years. The apartment that was supposed to be their future home was full of the same type of men he'd grown up taking down with Bruce all those years ago. He'd researched and found out more, yet he hadn't had the guts to meet her. Even now, he knew it would hurt, her not accepting him. The very idea made him take a moment to stop himself from shedding his tears. Still, he was ready for the same sickening idea to come true.

What kinds of things did you do?

He was Red Hood, a Crime Lord, a killer, a monster. Bruce would agree. Batman was known for hating the way Red Hood did things after all.

Left a trail of red on every island

As I traded friends like objects I could use

Hurt more lives than I can count on my hands

But all of that was to bring me back to you

So tell me

He didn't regret it, even if she chose to hate him for it. Just as he didn't regret getting rid of the criminals that had decided to live in the apartment building she stayed at. It hadn't taken much to find out what crowds they were involved in, the crimes they committed daily. The fact she'd endured living near men who undoubtedly gave her no respect had flooded his mind with the familiar green rage of the Pit at the time.

Would you fall in love with me again

If you knew all I've done?

The things I can't undo

I am not the man you knew

I know that you've been waiting, waiting

Reader stood in front of him now, staring into the face of a man she wished she had been able to be with every step of the way. Jason, her Jason, the same boy that read books with her and made fun of the people below as they stayed up at night on the roof of whatever apartment building they'd chosen to perch on. The same boy she grew up with on the streets of Gotham, the same boy that brought her to Bruce's manor, refusing to forget her even after he was given a better life than a street-rat's.

If that's true, could you do me a favor?

Just a moment of labor that would bring me some peace

See that wedding bed? Could you carry it over?

Lift it high on your shoulders and take it far away from here

Reader couldn't help but move closer. Racing to acknowledge everything that was happening. Mind already decided as she took his hand with a gentleness that made him flinch. He froze once more, a necklace now in his grasp. The same necklace he'd given her just a week before he'd died, made of smooth sea glass and a few seashells he'd gathered on rare day at a beach that Bruce had taken him too.

How could you say this?

I had built that wedding bed with my blood and sweat

Carved it into the olive tree where we first met

A symbol of our love everlasting

Do you realize what you have asked me?

The only way to move it is to cut it from its roots

He asked, voice shaky with either anger or disbelief if he had the energy to figure it out, why she would give him this. Why, after everything, she would try and make him take it back. He remembered the day he gifted her It clearly. It had been when he confessed, when he promised so many things, when he told her how much he loved her. Even if he was readying for her to hate him, he couldn't bear the thought of her getting rid of the evidence that he loved her.

Only my husband knew that

So I guess that makes him you

Maybe she was being mean, but he was being stupid. A smile managing to take over her face for a moment as she hears him speak the exact reason she kept that necklace all this time. "You're Jason, I don't care about Robin, or Red Hood, just you Jason" She managed to say. "God's you're an idiot for thinking that'd ever change"

I don't care how, where, or when

I will fall in love with you over and over again

No matter how long it's been, you're mine

Don't tell me you're not the same person

You're always my husband, and I've been waiting, waiting

Waiting

He let tears fall, finally taking a step closer, closing the distance between the two of them as his arms wrap around her. Warmth flooding their two hearts as tears fall from each.

For you

I love you

He loved her, more than anything. Yet she, too, adored him. Jason, whether cheerful and speaking of magic gifted by bright colored suits or bloody and taking a stand for Justice in his own violent way. He was still Jason, her Jason.

☆★☆★☆★☆

Jason Todd x Reader inspired by "would you fall in love with me again" by Jorge anyone?

(Please someone write this, pls pls pls)