#I might be a clown fucker

[balibean]

I put more effort into drawing his ass then In most of my schoolwork

[icannotgetoverbirds]

I'M FREE BITCHES

PERMANENT RETAINERS BEGONE

[heich0e]

PENNYWISE'S ACTOR???

[juggaloyaoi]

i wanna rb all my old clown art on here but i can't fuxkin find them <//3 sigh

[intomybubble]

BITCH

I finished my first ending to Code;Realize, and I got a bad end??? I didn’t think she’d actually die! I thought, “Oh, Saint Germain. You got Cardia the best surgeon on London right and she’s fine right?” Lmao nope!!!

[allidrawscomics]

I'm sick of being called a "consumer."

There's a scene in the beginning of It where the clown keeps trying to convince the boy to take the paper boat from him. When the boy takes the bait he gets grabbed. I'm that kid and I have no choice but to take the dumb paper boat from these clown ass companies who call me a "consumer." The word 'consumer' sounds like I'm eating their product. I'm using it up all at once the way a fire consumes something. They only need me to take it. They don't care about building a relationship with me as a customer. They don't take pride in providing a product worth buying because the product's quality does not reflect on any one person's work ethic or reputation. It's ok if people hate a company with a revolving door of employees. A CEO can always get hired someplace else. If people don't want to do business with a company the company might find ways around that. Oh you don't want to shop for your groceries at the only grocery store in your food desert? Lol. You don't want to ride in a Boeing plane and you even picked out your flight to avoid one? The airline can just switch planes and they've likely overbooked the flight anyway so it would honestly be more convenient for them if you didn't want to use that ticket you've already paid for. Cable and internet providers will make deals with apartment complexes for exclusivity. You bought tools from Sears because of the lifetime warranty on what your dad told you was a quality brand but they moved manufacturing to China with cheap parts years ago and you will be getting that same ratchet replaced over and over with ratchets that are really just the refurbished ones brought in broken from other customers. I can't opt out of the economy. I don't really go anywhere or do anything. I stay home and draw on outdated software with old equipment and listen to Youtube video essays and read webcomics and try to learn languages with freely available tools. I like paying creators directly when I like their work. But even then, I can't opt out of dealing with puritanical payment processors or social media companies that let AI scrapers ravage my work and the work of all the creators I adore before we even get a we-totally-promise-not-to toggle. We're out here getting eaten alive by a system that has stopped shaming us for "killing" industries that priced us out because they found new ways to exploit us.

We're not the consumers, you fuckers are.

[cherryfennec]

"All fun and games."

Aka a silly thing before the angstier project.

Script for those who struggle reading.

If Mr.L won he'd have told Dimentio to stay out of his sight for as long as possible. He usually ignores these challenges but this once he thought he could easily win whatever Dimentio had in mind and get the clown to leave him alone for a while. It didn't work out so well....fucker chose Jenga...

Thank you for reading!!

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Some additional information regarding the bigger upcoming comic for those interested:

Some of you might've already heard that I'm working on a bit more serious toned project and if you haven't well, there you go now you know.

As of now I have planned out around maybe 20 panels, more or less. I'm not super well versed in comic layout but I've been trying to make it look somewhat interesting and comprehensible. I'm not sure how long this will take to put together and I will not make any false promises. This is something I want to have fun and experiment with, for example; I might post it per page at a time or I might post an entire part at once (there are two parts planned in total). If writing the chat bubbles becomes tedious I might resolve to just typing it out as well. The style for it might also be different from the one you see above, I've been trying out new brushes and I think I found a cool combo.

The comic will feature Dimentio, Nastasia and Mr.L. As always it will include at least some headcanons like slightly altered designs or mannerisms. I have already thought of the name for the comic but I might keep it private for now.

Additional trivia: The comics I make are under the assumption SPM takes longer than one or two days. That's why you'll see me reference time periods such as weeks and maybe even months.

[painfullyprickedandticked]

a common debate within the fandom is the annual question of “is striker a supremacist?”

particularly, whenever one makes an analysis on striker, there’s always one comment mentioning “he is a supremacist.” however, there have been, recently, arguments that he is not a supremacist but rather just believes himself to be superior.

let’s look into both sides of this debate and draw our own conclusions.

the argument on why he isn’t:

BLITZØ is the one who refers to striker as a supremacist and blitzø isn’t particularly good at perceiving people. he tends to resort to insults instead (like when he called fizz a “peppy fuck doll” and verosika a “drunken whore”).

if someone’s views contrast with how blitzo sees the world, he immediately resorts to throwing an insult and that’s his perception of the person up until they shake the viewpoint. we’ve seen this with clown boy and we’ve seen him relent with verosika. basically, there’s some bias on blitzo’s end towards cowboy snake dude.

a supremacist is someone who believes a certain type of person is better than another. striker doesn’t believe imps are superior to other hell species, he thinks HE is superior to other hell species. therefore he’s not a supremacist, he has a superiority complex. those are two different things.

“what is a superiority complex?”

 examples of evidence proving striker does have a superiority complex include:

he wrote a song dedicated to his own victory in harvest moon festival, with lyrics literally declaring “i’m so much better than you.” he’s always been self-centered, having an overexaggerated self-worth. 

a lot of his anger towards moxxie can be taken as self projections, and same with fizz.

the reason striker mentions to blitzø that the two of them are superior to most of their kind was a manipulation tactic to throw blitzø off of his case when he was caught trying to shoot stolas

it amazes me how many people miss this context when its so clear as day. its also apparent that hybrid imps can sniff out other hybrids, akin to how in real life, if youre mixed race, you can often have a gut feeling that someone might also be mixed.

another point someone made: blitzø doesn’t know about striker’s past. we know striker implied it in western energy, but blitzø himself doesn’t know. if he understood what happened to him, then maybe he’d gain more of an understanding of striker as a person instead of this “evil supremacist” facade he sees.

“"Look. Not every ring is some fancy ass city, with some fancy ass mansion, that only fancy ass royals get to live in. Some of us have hard lives to live. And some of us have everything we care about taken away by fuckers like you."”

I’ll quote someone I discussed this topic with, though I won’t tag or name because I don’t want people to go after them. I’m not here to start discourse—I’m here to explore viewpoints. Here's their take:

“His anger and pain is so genuine and so real, you hear it in Ed’s performance, i don’t get how ppl look at the disgust in his voice and his face whenever things get personal (his speech to Stolas and his reaction to Fizz saying he’s no better than any royal) and take it as he’s putting on an act and lying about it.” […] “Extremist is a better word for him imo than supremacist and he def has some self-racism/hatred going on for sure hence how he put downs imps he feels are lower than him but upholds those he feels meets his standards, if that makes sense yk? It’s about what he sees as weak or embarrassing for his own kind. It’s not actually about wanting any class to be superior, it’s about him and what he thinks.”

it’s important to note, no matter how you view the angle of coding characters who aren’t human – giving them racial coding and all – there is an allegory within the series. imps are the lowest on the hierarchy, and the goetias are merely only a step below the deadly sins and lucifer (+ charlie and lilith). so if we put imps into the minority role, that implies imp hybrids are, well, mixed race.

we notice this in an example of how stella treats imps, even including striker himself.

[attempted script format here. didnt work, lol]

he doesn’t like working for her. he puts up with her because that’s his meal ticket. it’s payment. there isn’t a moral high ground he stands on, but there is a ground where he’s below her and he knows it – he’s exhausted. he’s tired. resorts to a slur because that’s how much she exasperates him. because she’s a privileged royal lady, and he’s at the bottom of the caste system. he cant pick or choose, unlike with IMP and their jobs.

it’s a lot more nuanced than a lot of people are willing to take on simply because some don’t like striker and dismiss everything surrounding his character that isn’t those specific lines talking about superiority or blitzo’s supremacist comment. 

as i finish writing up this section, i wanna make it clear i also like blitzo and stolas and i’m not justifying striker’s treatment of anyone. i’m not being an apologist, but i’m examining this particular case “he’s not a supremacist” because, yknow, you gotta look at the other side sometimes when it is presented in a calm manner and not just straight up character bashing or disrespect to the creator bc “omg my ship didn’t happen” or “whaaaat? the villain was always a villain and NOT a love interest? how dare that BITCH” [these takes exist and my brain melts each time…]

okay, i think im done with this side. ill make the rest pretty concise and cite someone else here who's detailed things for the other side of the argument. thanks to TVM for letting me quote you. im tired to write up the other side because my fucking google doc with these notes got erased. i hate it here!!!!!!!

why striker at least has some Certain Ideals (sigh)

"Blue Bloods"

"Disgusting, rich, pompous goetia"

"Some of us have everything we care about taken away by fuckers like you."

"You don't get to talk over me. . . all you ever do is try to talk over us."

"Once I split your neck open and let you choke on your own blue blood, you won't be worth any more than the tomb stone you'll be buried under."

So . . . first, he doesn't actually say a lot that's solely about royals, and ALL of the quotes above are about how royals look down on people like him, NOT about any inherent flaws that they have. They're about class, not race, unless you count "blue blood" as race. I don't. It's tied directly to money. "Disgusting" comes up in reference to Blitz's relationship with Stolas, but the words "rich" and "pompous" follow immediately. Striker hates royals because he hates that society places them above him.

Imps

"Pathetic."

"You little things aint worth the cleanup."

"Oh I remember how easy you are to choke the life out of, little one."

"Blitz, come on. You know the two of us are superior to most of our kind."

"I still think it's embarrassing. You're wasting a lot of potential relying on a weak little . . ."

"Vermin"

I think that this is where Striker's worldview comes into clearer focus. He thinks that Moxxie and Millie (and by extension MOST imps) are inferior to him. The word "vermin" is particularly telling. There's something visceral about his disgust for "lesser" imps.

I think Striker worries that they reflect who he really is. I think he truly believes that imps are inferior to higher class demons, and he fears that if he doesn't prove himself to be special (through violent dominance), he's vermin himself.

Notice how in the image below, his edge over Moxxie is all about size and physical strength- the things he implies throughout the episode make him the superior being. Look at that wide smile. He loves the feeling of being superior.

Relationships between imps and royals

"You are so above sucking on a disgusting rich pompous goetia . . ."

"kill the unkillable . . . starting with the one that treats you like a plaything."

"Blitzy"

"You two are both embarrassments to our kind for meddlin' with blue bloods to begin with. But at least loud mouth here has the sense to only fuck his rich bitch, instead of being a little purse dog."

"This worthless little pet reeks of his over bloated master. I'll at least enjoy getting rid of him."

Striker clearly sees these relationships as imps lowering themselves. It doesn't seem to occur to him even for a moment that these relationships might involve genuine care because he sees all interactions between social classes as being about power and "who wins."

all sourced from here.

conclusion?

I don’t know how to finish off this post. I was trying to give both sides a microphone and at this point, every time I make a post on Striker, I have to make it clear that I hate the woobification of him from a loud majority who only do so because they’ve got a weird hate boner for Stolas. Y’all might not have seen it, but I have on Twitter. I have seen it from here. I have seen it in fucking AO3 with straight up disrespectful cross tagging of character bashing and actual flanderization (see here on why striker is not canonically ruined), along with straight up kill-fics and thinly veiled disrespect to the creators.

But lately I’m also hating the boring, simplistic take of “he’s just a supremacist” and not analyzing him more than that. He’s such an interesting, complex character in a show of complex characters, and nobody bothers to examine him! They just either dismiss him as revolutionary or a supremacist! They never go into his grey areas or “hey, why is he like THAT?” - no, it’s just the boring same old takes.

This guy has so many layers. He’s a minority within a minority. He’s turned off by sex jokes yet has such rizz. He has an adrenaline rush from fighting. He is self centered yet also emotional. Yes, he’s a dick and a murderer. No, he’s not just a rat bastard and no he didn’t threaten to kill Octavia - he simply brought her up to throw Stolas off. It was more so "shame your kid won't see you again", not "oh im gonna kill your baby girl after i show her your decapitated head". Yes, his layers and tragic backstory yet unyielding thirst for killing when he sets eyes on a target make him interesting. It’s called being a villain enjoyer but no one seems to like a villain for being a villain anymore in his case. They either gotta justify him or they gotta woobify him, or they have to demonize him. I’ve seen people make the worst comparisons and it baffles me.

I just wanna enjoy this rat bastard in peace but then stupidity resurfaces in my head and it’s inescapable at times. Tiring. </3

This isn’t the conclusion you probably wanted if you read this far. Sorry. But I'm at a loss of what else to say atp. I wanna find more normal fans of Striker who aren’t just insane people who woobify him to bash Stolas. And I'm also tired of people who actively bash him trying to weigh in on my stuff. Like... is there any normal enjoyer of him besides @eldritchcreatureofwords ?

Anyway, live laugh love Edward Bosco, bye.

[heartfullofleeches]

Loser Reader and Melan, my Girlfailer Jester Gal Yan. Loser Reader could give less of a damn about Melan's clumsiness or the bodies that pile up as a result of her blunders and doing what she must to keep her biggest fan around. Their brain kinda short circuits seeing this tall ass jester monster girl and as the established monster fucker in my stories, Loser Reader will let Melan do whatever she pleases as long as she answers the age old question for them.

-

"I-I'm really really sorry about your friend! I was just doing knife practice again and I saw you both walk by and I started to panic and the blade just slipped from my hands and-"

As the freakishly tall woman rambles on, your eyes briefly flicker from the bells dangling from her collar down to the lifeless body of your coworker. Blood drains from hole in his back roughly the length and width of a small throwing dagger seeping the lining of your sneakers. It has to be the saddest part of this ordeal - you really needed those shoes for work tomorrow.

You're more worried about this odd woman than him. It's his own fault for spending the gas money you gave him on cigarettes again. If she keeps on apologizing without paying to take a breath, you'll have two dead bodies to deal with. Does she even need to breathe? She doesn't exactly look all that human now that you've gotten a better look at her.... Some type of clown....or jester. It's probably nothing, but her appearance coupled with her height leads you to believe otherwise. Did you genuinely happen to stumble across a jester girl throwing daggers at a wall past midnight? Your thoughts begin to wander away as you stand there. A process some unfamiliar with your way of being might find troubling if they happen to catch ear of what your mind spews out.

"Do they....honk?..."

In the midst of tripping over her own words, the sudden slip of your tongue nearly sends the woman tumbling over oversized ends of her sleeves. She stands upright, balancing her weight on trembling legs as she mutters a meek. "Does..what honk?"

Crap, did you say that outloud? "Hm? Oh, nothing... I was just thinking of some thing I heard about clowns. I can see you're more of a jester, but that falls under the same number right?"

The woman stares down at her shoes. You think so, anyway - it's hard to tell where she's looking with her hat blocking fourty percent of her face. "I...I guess? If you're talking about my nose then uh it does... sometimes"

"I was talking about your chest."

You could've sworn she popped a blood vessel from how her pale face turned tomato red.

"You.... HUH?"

You raise your hands in defense, however your guilt ends there. "Sorry! My brain has a mind of its own. If it makes you feel better, I say dumb shit all the time. If it clears up my mistake entirely, you were pretty sharp with that knife throwing."

The blush of her face dims. Less fiery and more...warm. "You .. you really think so?"

"Yeah. You could probably even avoid casualties if you lift that hat off your eyes.... Listen, I really don't want to be around when people find this guy and I'm not a snitch either so you don't have to worry about me ratting on you. He's your problem now. See y'all!"

Squeezing past the jester, you sprint off into the direction of your apartment - meticulously dodging the glow of street lifes to keep your bloody shoe prints unnoticed till dawn. Alone in the alleyway, Melan reflects on the events that just occurred. She... just killed someone. That alone should terrified her, but every thought in her mind cycles back to you. You're strange. A bit perverse, but you spoke your mind about her.. Was everything you said to her true too?

Dragging the body behind a dumpster, Melan wishes that just maybe you'd become another one of her problems.

One that would follow her through her improvement as a performer.

[cerise-on-top]

Hii and could you do könig and nikto with a plus sized reader ? :)

Hey there! Sorry, but I don't write for Nikto! However, I made König's extra long to make up for it :>

König with a Plus Sized!Reader

I feel as though König would actually prefer someone on the bigger side. Not even in a weird fetishy way, he just likes tummies a lot. You could probably easily get him to lie on top of your tummy, holding onto you as though his life depended on it all the while nuzzling into it. You could beg him to let go of you, he likely won’t unless it’s an emergency. If you ever feel down about yourself then you can count on him to try and cheer you up. Not that he’s that good with people, always scared of saying something that could make the matter even worse, but by the Gods, if he won’t treat you like the deity you are. He doesn’t mean to be rude, but sometimes he can be caught staring at your tummy because he’s just that entranced by it. Yes, he’ll look away if you catch him staring, but can you blame him? With a tummy as cute as yours?

If anyone ever makes a mean comment about you being fat or ugly or anything, then König will actually just kill that person. He’s in the military, he knows all about being aggressive and relentless at the right time. You being harassed? That’s about the best time to intimidate, maim and kill someone. Yes, he doesn’t like confrontation outside of his job all that much, but what kind of partner would he be if he didn’t defend your honor? Come on now, have some faith in him, will you? He’s not afraid to get physical either. König probably knows more languages than English and German too since he’s rather high ranking, and he will most definitely cuss that asshole out in any one he knows. And if that doesn’t make the fucker feel bad? Yeah, he can talk with his fists as well. He makes it up to you by making you some delicious food. You want some Schweinsbratn? Some Käsespätzle? Just some good old Palatschinken mit Marillenmarmelade?? Yeah, he’s got you covered. Food always cheers him up, he hopes it does the same for you. He reveres you and will tell you that everything that clown said was absolute nonsense and they should by no means be listened to. If he has to, he will kiss your tummy all night just to make you feel better. Not that he wouldn’t do it anyway, but he has a reason to now.

You can say whatever you want about König, mans loves to eat himself, which means he probably has some chub too. I don’t think he’d be self conscious about it per se, but if you ever feel down about your size then he’ll remind you that he’s not super thin either. Sure, he’s muscular, but he’s got some tummy too. Besides, I also think that he would actively work out to be able to pick you up whenever he can. Yes, you might be a little heavy, but he’s a military man, he can handle that. Will pick you up and spin you around since there’s probably no way anyone will ever do that for him again. He’ll also kiss your face as he picks you up. Depending on how he’s able to hold you, he might also rock you back and forth a little bit, just to tease you. Yes, he’s the big and scary colonel, but that doesn’t mean he’s not completely and absolutely enamored by you.

I think when you’re doing something mundane, such as cooking or washing the dishes, he’d love to come up from behind you and wrap his arms around you, resting his hands on your tummy. Yes, he will grope and squeeze it as well. Unless you absolutely hate him doing that, in which case he’ll stop. But you could never have him not have his hands on your tummy. It’s just so soft, you know? You’re so soft and he loves you so much, it’s unreal. The first thing he always does after coming home from deployment is wrapping his arms around your body, pulling you close, and feeling how soft and warm you are. Another big plus about you being rather big is the fact that you have soft thighs. You will catch him asking you if he can put his head in your lap fairly often. Yes, he has shame and doesn’t want to bother you, but how could he not?

So, overall, König is a very supportive man. He will smother you in love and make sure you know your worth. Will kill for you, but that’s beside the point. Loves you being big and will probably be touching you and your plush body more often than he won’t. And if you tell him that you like his tummy too? He’s a goner. He might as well just marry you this instant, propose immediately and make you the happiest person alive. He loves you and it shows in everything he does.

[soft-mafia]

Cupcake [Buggy x Reader]

warning: oc insert, fem reader, dom Buggy, Buggy detaching his parts(just his hand), porn without plot, literally just porn, I’m being self indulgent, grinding, Buggy calling himself daddy

a/n: So I guess I’m becoming a clown fucker blog :( this is actually really rusty. I haven’t written in a LONG time so please forgive me for how bad this is😭I’m just feeling really self indulgent right now. Also he might be a little out of character to some? I’ve watched the live action but I’m also trying to watch the anime too(which is over 1000 episodes😭) I’m trying my best to get his character down and the idea was to kind of mix both the live action and the anime version of Buggy together in this fic? Because I think both iterations are HOTTT. Although I don’t think it’s executed well. This is also my first Buggy fic so please bare with me, I’m sure I’ll get better as I go on lmao. Don’t worry, I’m not forgetting about Hisoka— I’m just adding one more clown to my collection.

Buggy’s floating hand gripped Y/n’s hand tightly and held it against the bedsheets, it was a mix of both a comforting hold and one of firm dominance. His other hand, attached to his body was holding onto one of her legs, holding it in the air while the other one was on the bed. The sharp movements of his pelvis thrusting back and forth created loud slapping sounds as his skin hit hers.

“You better take it.” Buggy laughed gruffly through loud grunts and groans as he thrusted firmly into her, his gloved hand gripped hers as the bed creaked beneath them. Y/n trembled and whimpered, moaning as she watched Buggy’s girthy cock slide in and out of her pussy. His long blue hair was out of its usual pony tails and draped down his impressively built body.

He bore his teeth, the grip he had on her leg tightened as he sped his pace. “Fuck that’s good.” He grunted under his breath. He leaned forward, attaching his hand back onto his wrist as he now towered over Y/n, his long blue hair acted kind of like curtains framing Y/n’s face as it fell off of his shoulders.

The blue haired clown took Y/n’s leg and let it wrap around his torso before moving his hand to grab her waist, he squeezed it firmly as he plowed into her, firmer and faster. His grunts and her groans got louder. “S-Slow down..!” Y/n moaned; tears of pleasure completely clouded her vision, the overwhelming sensation of arousal was too much to handle; the way Buggy was ruthlessly thrusting into her, manhandling her— paired with his low rhythmic grunts and groans, she was so close.

“Cmon baby I know you can take it.” Buggy just laughed, “Such a sweetie, you’re doing just fine, look at you.” He spoke against gritted teeth while grinning, he let go of Y/n’s hand to put it on the other side of her waist.

He could feel how wet she was on his dick, it was driving him crazy. Buggy had incredible luck— it was crazy how fortunate he was in life, having a girl like Y/n was just the cherry on top of all of his fortune, because every pirate warlord needed a cute girl on their arm right? Why was Buggy so lucky? He had no idea, he wasn’t going to question it either, he was going to take advantage of everything life had to offer for him.

“Ghhh!” Buggy grunted, his brow furrowed tightly as he screwed his eyes shut, his hands slid their way up Y/n’s waist so they could grab at her bare breasts, squeezing them between his fingers. Y/n arched her back at the action with a loud, strained moan, pushing her breasts further into his grip. Buggy was so close, that twitching feeling in his abdomen— it was orgasmic, it made him sweat. He growled softly while exhaling.

“I’m so close.” Y/n whispered, her arms were wrapped around his neck, his mouth was pressed up against her forehead. He was getting a bit of saliva on her, and his stubble brushed against her face which was a bit uncomfortable but neither of them cared about that right now. Buggy could feel Y/n tremble and that alone brought him closer as well. “I’m gonna bust all inside you.” Buggy snickered, inhaling and exhaling before thrusting deep into Y/n; Buggy came inside of her, his warm sperm painting her inner walls. Y/n moaned deeply as she felt his cum fill her up. “Buggy!!” She moaned.

Buggy groaned and leaned back up, holding both of Y/n’s legs up beside his torso now as he looked down at her, sitting on his knees on the bed. He was still inside, his cum leaked out of her and around his dick. “Damn that was good.” Buggy snickered hoarsely, grinning while breathing heavily, coming off of his high.

Buggy rubbed up and down Y/n’s legs. “You didn’t let me cum.. again.” She groaned. “Ok, ok. Yeah I know.” Buggy groaned, pushing his long hair behind his shoulder and letting it fall down his back, “Don’t bitch at me about it you know daddy always take care of you.” He laughed softly before pulling out and leaning back, sitting against the headboard before pulling Y/n onto his lap, dragging her by her ankles.

“Hey!” Y/n squeaked as she sat up. Buggy patted her on the ass, smacking her a bit as his cock laid between her thighs, resting up against her belly. “Grind on me, cupcake.” Buggy said with a grin, he leaned his arms back and rested them on the top of the headboard as Y/n began to rub her pussy on his length, her hips trembled as her wet clit rubbed his cock. Buggy groaned, his thigh muscles clenched slightly at the sensation, he held her hip with one hand, rubbing up and down her waist and thigh, then moving his hand back to squeeze her ass, grinning when it made her whimper. His other hand popped off and floated down to rub at her clit, helping her bring her to her climax.

“Come on baby, come on..” Buggy groaned, watching her pussy rub on his cock just did things to him, his chest rose up and down as he breathed out. Buggy’s cum was still dripping out of Y/n’s pussy as he rubbed her clit with his fingers and cock, her pussy clenched, she felt so close- so close.

Y/n groaned and whimpered, leaning forward, resting against Buggy’s chest as she came, finally, her whole body was twitching. Buggy immediately wrapped her arms around her, holding her tightly with a big grin on his face. “That was great.” He laughed.

Y/n’s eyes fluttered, her face was buried in the crook of his neck, his slightly musty scent invaded her nose; it wasn’t unpleasant though, it was kind of attractive and made her snuggle into him more. Buggy’s embrace tightened; he loved holding her body against his, it felt so good, he closed his eyes before inhaling and exhaling.

It was getting late, and Buggy had planned to stop somewhere the next day. Considering Y/n had already fallen asleep, he succumbed to his own slumber as well.

-time skip-

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF KNOCKING?!” Buggy growled as one of his crew members suddenly opened the door— greeted to a half naked Y/n, and Buggy who was in the middle of putting on his boxers. The crew member was rightfully flustered, covering his face and turning his body away “I’m so sorry Captain Buggy!! I should’ve knocked!!”

“I have a lady in here dammit!!!” Buggy growled, signaling towards Y/n who had actually fallen back asleep, sprawled out on the bed, still only wearing her bra and panties.

[gallusrostromegalus]

You ohhhandedly mentioned tessai livong through ww2 and… wow thats true there were a lot of characters that got a first row seat to both conflicts, even if only the second was really impactful on japans history. Does urahara, yoruichi, tessai, the vizored or any of the shinigami have any specific feelings on ww2/the nuclear bombs? I know its a wild fucking question but it literally just occurred to me and i cant stop thinking about it.

Yeah WW2 is an entire 5-chapter arc in the fic because apparently Kubo is from Hiroshima, and Karakura town is based on his memories growing up there. Stuff that happens during that arc:

The Soul Society's sole warning that something catastrophic might be coming is the arrival of an irradiated and enraged Coyote spirit from the Trinidad test site. It's up to Newly-appointed captain Komamura to calm it down and explain what happened, and Mayuri is able to work out that atomic weapons are real from it's descriptions. He gives Soul Society about a month before the humans drop one on a city.

Unfortunately, he's correct.

***

Urahara and the Visoreds use the fact that they're already dead to mitigate some of the damage from the bombing by walking into the epicenter and shoving carbon rods into the most radioactive points, stemming much of the radiation damage, but there's nothing they can do for the initial wave of destruction.

It involves going through a new gigai every trip and learning what if feels like to have the flesh actually melt off your bones, but Hirako Shinji and the other Visored are no cowards, least of all about Hard and Dirty Work.

Tessai makes Ururu and Jinta out of spare parts from Urahara's Gigai experiments to house a heavily damage Kitsune and Tanuki spirit pair from a shrine that was destroyed. Ururu is the Tankuki, and the older one- Jinta seems a bit more 'organic' because Tessai learned a lot making his sister, and because as a Kitsune, he's a better actor.

***

Soul Society is in major trouble though.

with the sudden influx of souls- first from the bombing, but then from the radiation sickness and the famine that followed, the living and spirit worlds are in danger of becoming unbalanced.

It's a Major Crisis!

Fortunately for them, people with sociopathy tend to operate really well during Crises, and I realized the reason Mayuri hasn't been fired or killed by the time Ichigo shows up is that when shit hits the fan, Mayuri's lack of emotional response to the suffering of others means he can buckle down and fucking DELIVER.

Expansions to the pocket dimension that the queue of incoming souls is housed in? He didn't sleep for two weeks to get it done on time, but there was more than enough room when the bomb dropped and for the few months after as casualties continued.

Emergency rations for all these incoming factory workers that know nothing about farming? Behold, Nutritionally complete meals that you can eat right out of the box! And smaller, friendlier ones for the kiddies!

Hell, the 12th division even makes instructional propaganda videos about how safe and tasty these new foods are, featuring The Grand Clown Himself, and distribution centers featuring his likeness, so Mayuri enjoys a peculiar popularity in the Rukongai, not unlike an off-brand and sometimes educational Krusty The Clown.

Just ah. Stop asking questions about the ingredients list.

***

"I'm not fucking killing civillians." Says Kenpachi when Yamamoto begins to bring up the historical method that the Shinigami have used to balance out sudden influxes of souls from the living world.

"Oh?" Yamamoto glares at him. "You have a better idea?"

"What's them big fuckers that come outta tears sometimes? Hundred feet tall, black, bird faces?" He asks, waving as he tries to remember the names.

"...Menos Grande?" asks Ukitake, who has gotten remarkably good at interpreting for the man next to him at meetings.

"Yeah!" Zaraki grins, patting his six-foot-tall colleague on the head like a small child. "You said they're like... combination creatures of a thousand souls each right?"

"Zaraki is correct." Pipes up Tousen, who is also extremely eager to not murder civilians and even more eager to absolutely fuck up the army of Menos Aizen has been gathering in Hueco Mundo. "-It wouldn't be *easy* but dispatching approximately Five hundred Menos in the next week seems much more doable and much, much more morally sound than killing five hundred thousand civillians. Sir."

Kaname can feel the curse nails on his back starting to bleed from Aizen's glare but he presses on.

"-There appears to be a significant population of them gathered on the far eastern edge of Hueco Mundo. It would probably take most of the 11th Division's forces but-"

"IKKAKU!" Zaraki is already bellowing out the door to his lieutenant. "TELL EVERYONE TO PACK AN EXTRA PAIR OF PANTIES, WE'RE GOING ON A HOLLOW HUNT!"

There is a distant but enthusiastic whoop form Ikkaku in reply.

"An excursion into Hueco Mundo is exceptionally dangerous." Unohana notes, voice placid as he returns to the table.

"-and? I don't do this job because it's safe 'n' easy." Zaraki shrugs.

Her neutral expression softens just a bit into a small, affectionate and perhaps ever-so-slightly lascivious smile. "May I suggest that a detachment of the 4th Division accompany the 11th? It won't make the work easier, but it will mitigate some of the risk."

Yamamoto groans, aware that the decision has been made for him.

"Fine." He grunts. "Take a detachment of the Ninth too, you can use that newfangled radiodar whatsit to keep me updated."

"Pardon?" Mumbles Kaname, slightly woozy from blood loss.

His circulatory situation is not helped when an illusion-blind-to-the-blood Zaraki grabs him about the middle and starts carrying him off under his arm in exactly the direction the 9th and 11th are not like a particularly bewildered purse Chihuahua.

***

Aizen... almost strays from his path.

The Hogyoku is slow and tiresome, his first plan to barrage Karakura with Menos to create the Oken is being trashed and actually being forced to work his job of Rukongai Management is- Well, it's reminding him just why he started this quest to Dethrone God.

What loving creator would make an afterlife of squalor, where the 'lucky' are cursed to outlive everyone they know and love? Not one worth worshiping, surely.

But actually being out here, setting up emergency food distribution, implementing the latest in civil engineering from the newly arrived and seeing it immediately improve the quality of life, uniting families and... actually helping people? it's making him question his path. Perhaps- Perhaps God is not some uncaring regent on a distant throne. Perhaps God is something that lives in all souls, a kindness and goodwill towards one's fellow man, and to spread the will of a loving creator, one must Act to Enact God's Will...

Gin Panics.

He has not spent the last 300-odd years dangling the Hogyoku in front of Aizen, stuffing him full of spiritual energy to feed to the machine that generates reality like he was fattening up a goose for Pate, only to have him give up his quest for divinity NOW.

He's gonna have to do something drastic.

He's gonna have to convince Aizen he was right all along, and that he needs to keep using the Hogyoku.

He's going to need to use Aizen's own Illusions against him, and convince Aizen that the souls of the citizens of the rukongai aren't worth playing a Benevolent God for. That the whole thing needs to come out and be replaced.

Sure, it's a dick move

but those are his specialty.

***

It's the night before the 11th and the two detachments are supposed to leave for Hueco Mundo, and Yamamoto's been doing some thinking.

He is also in Zaraki's quarters at midnight sharp. "Captain-General." Nods Unohana, pausing mid-activity to acknowledge him. "Bruh." Zaraki grunts to indicate they were busy. "I need to borrow Zaraki for an hour or so, and then you may continue." he says, and then steps back outside so the man can get untied and dressed.

"This better be good old man, I know you haven't been married for a few centuries but REALLY-" Zaraki grumbles, emerging and putting his sandals on. "Don’t worry, it’ll take twenty minutes tops, all you have to do is stand behind me and don’t hide your rage." Yamamoto explains. "-We'’re going to go see the central 46." Zaraki pauses mid-sandal, slowly looking up at him with an intrigued arch to his brow. "Yes, it’s forbidden." Yamamoto says, not tearing his gaze away from the moon above them. "-But I've received reports that the Central 46 has acquired blueprints of the... Device. Used in the living world earlier this month and I'm nipping this at the damn bud." Zaraki grins, and finishes putting his sandals on.

The Central 46 are alerted to the Presence of Yamamoto and Zaraki by the main gate to their district being kicked through the wall of the council chambers.

"Hello, Sages and Wise Councilors of the Soul Society!" The Old Man greets them as he steps through the hole he just made, and The Barbarian squeezing through after, sword casually over his shoulder. "Well isn't this a surprise, everyone here in a full meeting at One in the Morning on a Teusday!"

"Wh-What is the meaning of this?" one of the head councilmen sputters, mustache bristling. "Shinigami are forbidden form this place, I'll have you both execu-!"

"Shut up." Yamamoto glares, and sparks fly from the corner of his eye. The hem of his Haori is starting to smolder and singe as well as he approaches the table the councilors are crowded around the blueprints from the living world.

"Now, we are all good and honorable people here." Yamamoto says, casually waving a hand in what would normally be a placating gesture but now only made his sleeve flicker as Ryujin Jakka grew hungrier. "-But I've been around long enough to know how Power corrupts."

"And we've all been exposed to a new, horrific level of Power."

"Oh, of course, you would never! It's unthinkable to sink to such a level!"

"...but it's been a few weeks. The initial shock has faded, and you're starting to understand the full toll of the destruction." he explains, strolling up, the diamond insignia on his back spreading across his shoulders as the Haori singes. Behind him, Zaraki is following with an unpleasantly carnivorous stroll, yellow eye lazily moving from face to face, taking stock of all those present. "...and you are perhaps developing a new standard of devastation and suffering to wish upon your enemies."

There is some muttering, some protesting, and worse, some agreeing. They are silenced by a sudden electric crackle of Energy from Zaraki.

"I’m just here to tell you all-" Yamamoto continues, unperturbed. Or perhaps so perturbed he's warped all the way around to a deep, ruthless peace.

"If I hear any ONE of you has taken steps to develop a weapon like this-" he points a finger at the blueprints, which singe and then burn, a low, slow flame that reduces them completely to ash.

"-I’m going to kill all of you."

"Actually," he explains, as the blueprints finish burning and the table catches as well, fire blooming and crackling, lighting him from beneath. "I’m going to kill all of you and your families. By which I mean, I’m figuring out who all your ancestors were going back Five generations, Kill them, and kill all their descendants."

The table burns, and the floor is threatening to catch, but nobody can move to ring the fire alarm or grab a bucket of water.

"-Because that’s the kind of indiscriminate destruction these things cause." he explains. "It's a damn shame to say this, but this is the first time we've been able to settle whole families in the same town- because five, six, even seven generations of families, from great-great grandmother to the newest infants were burnt together in an instant."

"So if you want to wield that kind of destruction, you best be prepared to deal with those kinds of consequences." he growls, and suddenly sweeps his hand over the fire, which snuffs out immediately.

Slowly he turns to go, and regards Zaraki behind him.

"Oh, and just in case any of you had thoughts of hastening my retirement in regards to this matter-" he speaks up, and points to Zaraki "-Near as I can tell, this asshole is immortal and indestructible, so if I happen to be dead, he'll do it for me, won't you?"

"Yes, sir." Zaraki Nods, eye fixed on the head councilor, committing his face to memory, blade and crackling eagerly.

"-and he's nowhere near as speedy and clean a killer as I am, so I suggest you don't test either of us." Yamamoto grins, and Ryujin Jakka can't help but flicker off his brow for emphasis.

"Goodnight, and go fuck yourselves." Yamamoto bows, and exits through the same hole he entered.

The walk back to the 11th is largely silent, but Yamamot can feel the pleased-yet-curious thrum of reiatsu from Zaraki.

"Question, boss-" he suddenly speaks as they approach the 11th.

"You're not supposed to question orders, Zaraki." He sighs. He'll make a proper shinigami out of him. Eventually.

"...Request for clarification, Boss-" Zaraki tries again, and Yamamoto nods. "-Why me?"

Yamamoto arches an overgrown brow at him.

"Not complainin'-" Zaraki explains, pointedly looking up at the moon and scratching his neck in deferment. "-But Byakuya's got more sway with them and Gin's definitely better at terrifying first impressions."

"Hm." Yamamoto nods. "It's in the follow-up, not the impression, you see."

"I do not." Zaraki says. For all his faults and frustrations, Zaraki sure keeps Yamamoto on his toes about not being lazy and actually explaining himself.

"-I am very serious about you killing them and their descendants if they ever think about making one of those devices." he sighs and Zaraki nods, waving a hand for him to continue. "-So I picked the Shinigami most invested in a peaceful future to make sure my orders would be carried out."

Zaraki still looks confused.

"You're my only captain with children, Zaraki." Yamamoto explains. "I know you only give half a rat's ass about the court guard, but I've seen what you'll do for Yachiru."

Zaraki nods understanding now, and a few more paces of silence pass between them.

"...Thank you, Sir." Zaraki mutters, bowing his head and using the honorific with genuine intent for the first time since Yamamoto had known him. "-For understanding."

"Thank you, Captain Zaraki." Yamamoto nodded slightly, stopping before the gate to the 11th. "-For understanding as well."

"-Now get back to Captain Unohana before she schedules some sort of blood test of a thousand needles for me!" Yamamoto grunted, prodding at Zaraki with his cane, and the man didn't need to be told twice.

[medusavsviperz]

Like what if, it was a movie night with Catnap, and in the middle of it, we get bored and start to like, kiss him innocently at first on the cheek and we go down trying to distract him from the movie and such And the fucker tries to keep watching the movie and yadda yadda, and we end up like, cock warming him while at it 🥺👉👈

Movie Night

warnings:smut, cussing, cockwarming

relationships: catnap x fem!reader

writing type: second person

genre: smut

"hiya Georgie, im Pennywise the DANCING clown~!" the killer clown mocked. it was your favorite movie, but somehow you were bored, watching horror movies with catnap to pass the time. you slowly turn to look at him, his eyes flicking between the movie. he notices you staring in his peripheral vision, and he turns his head to look at you. you let a coy smirk form on your face, before leaning up and kissing his cheek. he turns his head to meet your lips, giving you a quick peck on your own before turning his head to refocus on the movie that was playing. his hand slowly moves its way under the blanket you were sharing with him, and rests it on your thigh. he gives it a reassuring squeeze.

you scoot closer to him, your thighs now touching his, and continue giving him loving pecks on the cheek. he lets out a sigh of annoyance but decides to let it slide. you continue your assault on his cheek, slowly trailing it down his neck. "you havin fun?" he mutters sarcastically, huffing at you. "nmfg... not yet~.." you giggle and move your own hand to grab at his inner thigh. "fucking hell..." he groans out, squeezing your thigh as a warning. your kisses never cease, kissing and nibbling on his neck and shoulder. He lets out a sigh before turning your way, managing to playfully flick you on the nose. his attention turns back to the movie, in effort to ignore you. oh no he doesnt. you shift out of the blanket, and stand up. he looks at you with a mix of confusion and lust, before shaking his head and flicking his eyes back to the television.

you walk into the kitchen and grab a glass, using the tap to fill it up. standing there, glass in hand, leaning up against the counter, you call his name. he grunts in response, eyes never leaving the TV. "catnapppp~! im bored.. play with me.." you whine, watching as he laughs. you shift off the counter and walk back over to the couch, plopping down next to him once more. "im gonna keep bugging you until you give in." ... "i know." ... "then you might aswell give in now" you say, playfully swatting at his arm. he easily captures your wrist in his hand and kisses you roughly before pulling away. "nah, i like to watch you suffer" he laughs and releases you, ignoring the fact that you fall back onto the couch. you whine in annoyance and sit back up, placing your legs on his lap as he folds his arms over the back of the couch. you wait until the movie is almost finished to crawl ontop of him. you shower him in kisses as he desperately tries to push you off. "f- mwah.. uck-! chill- mwah mwah -out!" you ignore his pleas and continue assaulting him with kisses. once he finally gives in, you shift on his lap. he lets out a silent moan as he feels your crotch rub his growing boner. his large hands land on your hips, the blanket long discarded on the floor.

you continue your grind, kissing and grunting is all that you can hear. it was his turn to suffer. you suddenly climb off of him, watching his flushed face look fucked out. he huffs in annoyance and grabs your legs, forcing you back onto him. he is quick to slide off your shorts, pulling down his sweatpants just enough to free his cock. "ride it."he demands, glaring into your eyes. you whine a bit before rubbing your aching cunt onto his hard erection. your wet folds juicing up his length completely. the slide in was easy, but still stung a bit. you sit on him for a few minutes, watching as he whimpers and groans out, desperately looking into your eyes for a sign of release. "ngh-fuck. move." he commands, thrusting his hips upwards in effort to find a sense of relief. you force your hips down, denying him the right to move. his eyes lace with confusion and lust, hands grabbing your hips to try to bounce you. you let out a short laugh and hold your hips down, before leaning up in his ear and letting out a whisper. "suffer~" he whimpers loudly yet accepts his fate. you sit there a whole other movie. Scream 4 to be exact, before he couldnt handle it anymore. he pushes you off of him and down onto the couch. he stares deep into your eyes, biting your neck. you can feel his warm breath on your neck and ear. his large hands push open your thighs and position himself in between them.

"my turn."

made by medusavsviperz

[s0nn0]

BSD boys with a s/o who has chubby cheeks

ᴊᴏᴜɴᴏ, ᴄʜᴜᴜʏᴀ, ɴɪᴋᴏʟᴀɪ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

Warning: none

Genre: Fluff

Author note: I am slowly running out of brain juice .

Jouno: 

●  God bless your poor cheeks, this man won’t stop pulling on them once he find out. 

●  One day he was just cupping your cheeks with one hand to give u a small kiss but suddenly he realizes something, your cheeks are way softer and fluffier than the ones he touched before. 

● “ (y/n) ur cheeks are quite chubby”

“Yah because I have chubby cheeks” 

“Oh, I see” (no u don’t-)

●  Slowly brings his other hand to the other side of your face and suddenly starts to pull them.

●”JOUNO WHAT THE FUCK”

“hehehe” 

● Yah so now he pulls your cheeks at least once a day 

●  If u make any mistake or mess something up this blind fucker will start pulling on ur cheeks and call u ‘pathetic’ 

ᴄʜᴜᴜʏᴀ:

● Bbg adores them so much.

● He won’t be harsh and pull on them, no, he will lay soft kisses on them ♡

● Dude will come out of nowhere and *mwah* lays a kiss on your cheeks. 

●  Another thing he does is stare at them.

● Like u are eating something and ur mouth is full, he would just stare at them and watch how they would bounce up and down.

● And when u stop eating and ask him what’s wrong and if he wants some of your food (if u like to share)  he would just say no and talk u to continue eating 

● “chu-chu why are u staring at me like that, want some?” 

   “no , keep eating” 

  “Ok..” 

●  He countinue staring at them..

● “dude stop- it’s creepy..”

  “..sorry”

Nikolai: 

● Oh god..oh dear lord.. He is WORSE then Jouno.

● He won’t pull them or kiss them so often no..MOTHERFUCKER WILL BITE THEM.

● You might be thinking he would softly bite them BUT NO he bite on them so hard-

● Randomly grabs your chin and starts to bite and suck on your cheeks until it’s red and has his teeth mark.

●According to him it’s one of his ways to ‘mark’ u as his. 

●Sometimes u have to go out with ur cheeks all red and stuff 

● “KOLAI STOP BITING MY CHEEKS IT HURTS!!”

“But..but babeee they look like soft mochies how can i not bite them”

● He would whine like a baby if u don’t let him bite your cheeks

● Other then biting he also pokes them sometimes 

● Like u are doing random thing and minding your own business but suddenly a small portal opens up and a clowns hand comes out of it and it starts to poke your cheeks with it’s index finger

●Awesome, u don’t have to buy blushes anymore cuz your man’s here to turn them red for u *wink* *wink*

Author note 2: okiii thak u for reading, time to disappear now until i get more brain juice. Ba-bye ♡

[cakerybakery]

Adam double checks no one is paying attention to him at this stupid ceremonial heaven and hell bullshit thing when he connects to the internet in the mortal realm.

He taps open his hidden tabs and scrolls through cute or funny or cute and funny baby photos and videos floating around the internet. Looking at all his many times great grandkids.

He enjoys looking at how cute the little fuckers are. At how humanity had spread. At seeing snips of himself or Eve in the bastards. He takes pride in how well of job he did at multiplying even though he’s crap at math.

“What’s that?” Lucifer pops up under his arm and instinctively Adam threw his phone as far and hard as he could.

It crashed through the embassy window and out onto the streets of hell.

“FUCK! My fucking phone!” Adam was going to strangle the fucker! “What the fuck, man?”

The room turned to him and Adam couldn’t think fast enough on his feet.

“Uhhh. Shit.”

“You always were all thumbs, Adam.” Lucifer looked like the snake that ate the canary. “But I’ve never seen you fumble that badly before. I know I’m intimidating as the devil but that was a bit of an overreaction.”

The heaven and hell delegates turned back to what they were doing. Just an accident. Nothing important, like a declaration of war.

He grabbed Lucifer none to gently by the collar, “you’re going to help me find my god damn phone you god damned jack-in-the-box clown.”

Lucifer went to brush Adam’s hand off him and inevitably tell him to fuck off, Adam didn’t give him a chance and just dragged Lucifer out of the room as quietly as he could.

Out of the room, out of the embassy, out into hell, he dragged Lucifer. “Fucking start looking, asshole. My fucking phone has to be around here somewhere. There’s the window I broke.”

“Yeah, really not sure how this is my problem.” Lucifer fixed his jacket and stupid ass vest. “You threw your phone out a window. Hardly my problem.”

Ohhh, he was going to choke a bitch. “You popped up out of fucking no where and startled me.”

“Scared you.”

“Don’t. Don’t fucking start with me. My whole fucking afterlife is on that rectangular shit box. Just. Just fucking help me look for it, you slimy wife fucking cumstain.”

Lucifer leaned against the building. “Oh wow. I really want to help you now. Maybe if you say something nice I’ll help.”

“Lick my nuts.”

“So moving. I might shed a tear. Go fuck yourself, Adam.” Lucifer got up to leave and Adam groaned.

He didn’t want to try and find it alone. There were bushes and they were going to tear at his robe, he just fucking knew it.

“Fine. What do you want to hear?”

“Something true. Don’t forget, I’m the prince of lies, I know when I’m being lied to.”

“… your voice doesn’t fucking suck.”

Lucifer waited a moment and shrugged, “good enough.” With a small twist he turned into a mouse and scampered off into the thick bushes.

Adam searched the ground but his mask was making that nearly impossible. Sick of the mask making everything darker, necessary in a bright place like heaven, he took it off and left it by the wall.

Able to see better, he re-searched the ground. Sweeping his eyes over every rock and clump of grass.

“Awww is this what you were looking at? A bunch of babies?”

Adam snapped up and in the middle of the tangle of bushes was Lucifer. Scrolling through his fucking phone!

Adam flew at Lucifer to try and grab either the bastard or his phone but the asshole just hunkered down in the tangle of thorny bushes. The thorns snagged his arm and only with great effort did he break free.

“So why were you looking at babies?”

“None of your fucking business and I fucking wasn’t you- you- CUNT!” Fucking brilliant, Adam, he’ll never recover from that one. “Just, fucking give it back.”

He wanted to hit Lucifer with holy light but then he’d be in trouble and he didn’t need that shit.

“This one is kinda ugly.” Lucifer held the screen up to face Adam.

He gasped, “you take that back. Amber is beautiful. She’s one of my descendants and they’re all beautiful. It’s only once they start sinning they become an ugly like you.”

“… you know their names?”

“I know the names of all my descendants on Earth!” Adam was offended by the accusation that he wouldn’t know the names of his many times great grandchildren. “It’s only down here, when they change I don’t recognize their faces or names anymore.” He muttered bitterly to himself. They’re monsters. Mockeries of the people they once were. They deserved to die.

“All of them?” Lucifer opened a tab and searched for a random baby. “Who is that?”

“Jean. His parents and Susan and John.”

“… fuck, that’s true” He tapped around some more and did it again.

“Amiee-Lynn Postman, third child of Jack Postman and fourth of Mary Postman, maiden name Smith. She gave up her first child, Daniel when she was sixteen. Daniel was renamed Bennett by his adopted parents. They reconnected three years ago.”

It was all true. He knew everything about his descendants when it came to this. I couldn’t stop them from sinning or do anything to effect their lives, but he could enjoy the babies that came from their choices.

Lucifer looked surprised. “Huh. It looks like you’re telling the truth.” He threw the phone up and Adam caught it. “Why are you so embarrassed by looking at pictures of your grandkids? I show everyone I can pictures of my char-char.”

Adam rolled his eyes. He wasn’t embarrassed, he was… uhhh… a lie to tell himself didn’t come easily to mind.

“Speaking of, you want to see her baby photos?”

Lucifer was pulling out photos before Adam could stop him. Before he could tell him that he was only interested in kids related to hi- “oh fuck she’s adorable! Look at those big eyes. All that hair.”

He didn’t notice that Lucifer was flying beside him now. That he was being guided back to the steps as he eagerly looked through the baby photos. They sat out there as the gathering went on, Adam showing off his grandkids and Lucifer showing two hundred years worth of photos of Charlie from Lilith’s pregnant belly to one took the day before of Charlie doing paperwork and falling asleep at her desk.

It was only went Sera came to fetch him that they realized they had been sitting out there for so long.

Adam told her he’d be right in. She gave him worried look but nodded. Sera knew as he did that Lucifer was largely harmless. So long as he wasn’t being threatened.

The atmosphere turned awkward.

“Soooo…” Lucifer, started, “want to come over sometime and watch some old home movies of Charlie?”

“… yes.” Fuck it. He might as well embrace that he’s a cringy grandpa that loves babies. “But I also want to watch videos of my kids being cute.”

“Deal.” Lucifer held out his hand and Adam took it. He was yanked in closer, “of course if we get married she’d become one of your kids.” Lucifer let go and strolled back into the gathering to say goodbye to the delegates.

Adam was left on the step alone. He looked at his hand and the disappearing tailcoats of Lucifer.

The door shut.

“What. The. Fuck. Was that?!?” Was he fucking with him?

Lucifer was mostly harmless, this had to be one of his tricks. His pranks. He wasn’t serious, he was never serious.

Adam just wanted to look at cute baby photos. Why is Lucifer like this?? Why couldn’t the guy just be normal? Offering up another kid like that. The tease.

He was still going to go. He wanted to see the home movies of Charlie growing up. Even if they wouldn’t be baby videos. But if Lucifer laid one suggestive hand on him! He’d- he’d… he’d think of something.

He’d tell Lucifer to fuck off or something.

If that hand slid up his thigh, he’d tell Lucifer to stop. And if Lucifer didn’t, well, he’d just pause the video and he could properly tell Lucifer to fuck him.

…

To fuck off.

“God dammit.”

It wasn’t fair. He should be satisfied with how many kids he’s had. But if he married Lucifer he could have one more. And have more grand babies if she has kids.

Fuck god and fuck his instincts to have as many kids as possible.

Lucifer was in his head now. He dangled that carrot and like an ass, Adam wanted it.

Okay. New plan. Seduce Lucifer. Marry him. Spoil the fuck out of Charlie. Become her favourite parent. Divorce Lucifer. Keep Charlie.

What could go wrong?

[stinkysam]

Buggy the Clown - You're NOT that interesting anyway.

Warning : none

Genre : fluff

Synopsis : "I was thinking a Buggy x reader where the reader in question is a bold pirate. Kinda Zorro/Robin hood type of charm. Fun to hang out with, sassy, flashy and makes everybody laugh so the moment these two met it’s Boom, here goes the dynamite. Instant crush for Buggy that is scared of those feelings while reader plays the cat and mouse game but in reality his heart his soft for that clown and his drama queen’s ass. And the more they spend time together the more Buggy knows him and realize that his past is very dark and traumatic but despite that he’s still a genuine and caring dude that just wanna have fun. Meanwhile reader gets to know a softer side of Buggy, his insecurities and to tame his temper. So the complete each other like a puzzle." - @ughsadking

Reader : gender neutral (you/yours)

He always thought crushes weren't for him, swearing it was a stupid thing and only idiots fell into it.

Yet here he was, facing you, his heart beating loudly in his chest at your smirk. Gah ! Why did it do that !?

He refuses to acknowledge it. Preferring to deny his feelings rather than to accept them.

Despite this, it doesn't stop him from feeling jealous when you make others laugh. He'll lie and say it's because he should be the one to make people laugh, not you.

He keeps chasing you away. He hates that you always come back. Always playing with his heart, making it beat so fast and loudly. Making him feel like a little girl experiencing stomach butterflies for the first time, each time. He hates it.

Yet a part of him yearns for you to not leave.

You're just so… gah ! He groans just from thinking of you. Annoying, unpleasant, not funny, not pretty, not interesting, not charming, overall not flashy at all. Here !

He's grumbling and groaning.

"...fucking [Name]... with his stupid smile… and his stupid-"

"Who ?" You lean against the table as you walk in with a smile and he screams, his limbs flying around before reattaching themselves.

"Since when do you spy on your captain !?" He yells, hands flying to point at you, poking your nose repeatedly.

"I have to listen at any time to my captain to hear all his orders." You simply say, raising your hands up in surrender and grabbing his index to push it away, a small smile on your face.

He dusts himself, trying to regain his composure and clearing his throat.

"Who were you talking about ?" You ask.

"No one. Go fetch me a beer." He said, looking away with a grimace, watching you leave to retrieve the drink. God, you made his heart jump out of his body. What the fuck. Why are you always stealthy at the worst times ?

When he finally accepts his feelings, he's very shy about them. But since you're always onto him like a fucking… a fucking… whatever, something annoying, he's scared you might find out about them, that's why he's always tense around you.

He learns most things about you through others and that's what makes him decide to know you more by himself. Though he's a bit awkward at first, he doesn't even know how happy you are to see that he's stopping to chase you away so much.

Upon hearing you have a troubled past, he tries to be nicer, not out of pity but because "You're not a fucker, actually.". Make out of that what you want.

It also breaks his heart a bit to hear what you went through but he refuses to say it or acknowledge it.

He's still very wary and cautious around you. Not wanting you to know about his feelings and laugh at him or reject him. He's very afraid of that. He doesn't know how he'll handle it. So he prefers to stare from afar, yearning silently, unaware you feel the same for him. Maybe one day his feelings will pass ?

He's quite calmer once you get to know him, he's still a drama queen and reacts quickly and easily though. But if nothing happens and things are fine then he's really chill. He's just going to whine that he's bored.

"[Name], entertain me." He says, resting lazily on his throne.

"Shouldn't it be the opposite ?" You cock an eyebrow.

"I'm the captain, I decide what makes sense and what doesn't. Entertain me."

"Okay."

He slowly learns to relax around you, but still refuses to be vulnerable. He doesn't want to be soft like some pirates he knew. But he's already soft, he just doesn't know it. Blissfully unaware.

You already have a lot of power on him though and he hates it. You could briefly mention you want to sail away and he's already preparing the Big Top for departure because he, oh, so conveniently got bored of that island.

You have all his attention and he's not a fan of it. He used to care only for treasures now it's you and treasures. He doesn't know which one to put first. Some days it's treasures and as soon as he sees you, boom, you're on top. Why do you do that ?

He thinks he's slick at hiding his feelings, but he's not. Everyone has noticed that you have his attention, and they often ask you to deliver him the bad news.

Here how it goes with someone else :

"What !?" He yells and grabs them by the collar, raising them in the air a bit. "Full of toys you say !?"

"Y- yes captain."

"You're the one that brought me that map and you couldn't tell it was a children's map !?" He begins to shake them still yelling in their face.

"I'm sorry, captain !" They yell in distress. Clearly they should've asked you to deliver the news.

Here how it goes with you :

"What !?" He yells, hands flying to grab your collar and you shrug. "The chest was full of toys !? Not even gold !?"

"Nope. Not even one Berry."

What follows is his inaudible grumbling as he stomps around angrily almost like a child throwing a tantrum. He might kick something, hurting his foot in the process.

"Here, here." You grab his hands, still on your collar, gently patting them.

At some point it's only you who's bringing the bad news and he wonders why. You're always smiling when you tell him the worst things and he thinks it's because you enjoy it. You do but it's mainly because you find it funny how the others have clocked him.

You're the captain's favorite and they know it.

Don't expect him to make the first step. He could spend his whole life yearning for you and doing nothing about it. Only drunk he might do something but as soon as he's sober he's running away. What he says when drunk is quite unintelligible anyway. Half mumbled nonsense then yelling something totally unrelated.

So when you made the first step his mind was blank.

God. God. God. God. God. God. God. Go- what the fuuuuuck. Huh ? Huh ? Huh ? Huh ?

You must mistake him with someone else. Because who could have romantic feelings for him ? Ahah.

Oh, you really mean him ?

He's blushing. Heart pounding, trying to escape. He can't move. In his mind he's doing things.

He finally reacts when you caress his cheek. He's leaning in quickly to steal a kiss from your lips. His heart is still jumping around, and for a moment, he wonders if he did the right thing because he just kissed you, and that's a big thing. But he sees your smile and calms down just a bit.