#I meant to get the second chapter ready for this weekend but I've been just staring at the docs every now and then

[varpusvaras]

Oh I would love not to be tired.

[uravitypng]

𝐈 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐌𝐔𝐂𝐇: 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄

pairing: denki kaminari x reader, (hanta sero x reader)

word count: 6.6k

content warnings/things in part five: not a lot in this chapter! some inappropriate thoughts and daydreams, reader kind of has self esteem issues but it's mainly fuelled by the paparazzi, reader wears a bikini, petnames (babydoll, pretty girl, princess->used playfully), jealous denki, maybe jealous hanta (if you squint really really hard??), mineta (ewww), written with a chubby reader in mind/// minors do not interact (in later chapters there will be more smut and more explicit content!!)

a/n: chapter five is finally out!! sorry it took so long but it's finally out and boy is it longer than previous chapters. i really really really hope you enjoy this part, i've loved writing it! i was meant to finish it last week but i've been binging romance animes lmao.

summary: it's terrible when you're in love with your best friend. it's terrible that he's in love with someone else.

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"I can't believe our agencies are letting us go to the beach! Out of all the ways they could deal with the current situation they choose this!" You say excitedly and beam as you walk a little ahead of everyone but they can still all hear you.

"Yeah it's like that typical anime beach episode." Denki runs up over to you grinning. As denki runs up to you he trips over on the sand before catching himself, you bite you lip to stifle a laugh and process what Denki just said.

"Did you just compare what's happening to a beach episode right now Denks?"

"She's right Kaminari, this may seem like a relaxing day but we're here for a reason. If those League of Villain copycat group show up here like we suspect then we need to be ready." Todoroki 'reminds' you all and you have to resist the urge to roll your eyes. You weren't referring to the mission when you said that Denki, you were just stating that beach episodes are different to real life beach trips.

A couple of heroes with you seem so suspicious, shifting their eyes around the surrounding area. Plus you don't understand the choice of bringing along Todoroki and Bakugo, they're to recognisable and well known, even if the villains did show up they wouldn't stay for long after noticing who's here too.

You have a gut feeling this mission will come up with nothing. This whole time will be a wild goose chase leading you here with zero results. You've told them just as much, 'when have I ever been wrong about this kind of stuff guys? this whole mission to the beach will be useless we should focus on other things, find out where they really are.'

It's so frustrating that they don't believe you... Well most of them... All of them to be honest but they can't voice that out loud. Everyone whose hair is currently blowing in the wind and sand beneath their feet knows you very well and trust your instincts but they can't just ignore this lead they've been given. Katsuki expects you have a second quirk that allows you foresight, he especially trusts your intuition.

Denki stretches, groaning in pleasure while you quickly turn your head away from him and try to drown out the noise.

"Well I for one think we can relax, I have it on good authority" he grins at you before continuing, "that nothing will happen today. We might as well relax. This reminds me of our extended three day weekend holiday our class went to on the last week before leaving school."

All of the UA, Class A, alumni heroes that are present reminiscence on your time together. Bittersweet feelings flood your emotions as you think about how much you miss seeing them so often, yet glad and blessed with the time you did get to share with them back when you were all teenagers.

"Or when we went to Nabu island in our first year," Ochako adds.

"I didn't like that at all. Not only did villains attack but on top of that every single hour of every day people on the island was calling into the hero centre wanting us to do something, no matter how trivial." Minata replies, his voice more apparent with age, mostly losing the lisp he had.

"That's not the reason why and you know it. Every other day you were being perverted to random girls on the island." Hanta doesn't try to hide his annoyed tone from everyone. He's never concealed his disapproval of Minata's actions and that was originally one of the first things that drew you to strike up a conversation and friendship with him.

"Can we just sit down and make snide comments in a minute?" You ask, holding onto a large cooler with both hands and a couple heavy bags slung over your shoulder.

Ochako hums in agreement and pulls the massive beach towel from under her arm and places it down.

You hear Mineta mumble, "how are you a hero?" as he sees you strain to hold the icebox and it becomes so quiet but even though it's mumbled it sounds like the loudest anyone has spoken since you got to the beach.

Your quirk isn't suited to strength, everyone knows that. Your quirk isn't like Midoriya's or Kiri's or Sato's. It doesn't mean you aren't strong though, your quirk is very strong. Struggling to hold a box full of ice cubes and cold drinks plus two bulky bags for over an hour doesn't make you weak.

He's so hypocritical... he wouldn't even be able to lift it up and get it off the ground.

You're a hero for a reason, you know how brilliant you are but hearing that bothered you and distressed you for a reason and coming from Mineta it's even stranger that it effected you, he's made plenty of jabs towards you before but the way he said it irked you, especially because he said it in front of so many other heroes.

Before you can even defend yourself and before anyone else can, Denki does. Mina was about to speak, Hanta was about to, Katsuki took a deep breath in to start yelling and making tiny explosions in the centre of his palms but Denki beat them all to it, he even beat you to it. "What the fuck does that mean?" You stand in shock and your eyes widen at how much rage is in his voice, almost hostile. You've never heard him speak like that before. It doesn't only shock you but everyone else is taken aback.

Denki was so distracted and enraged by what Mineta said he didn't even notice his own tone, all he could think about was 'how dare he say that about you.'

Mineta started stuttering a response about how it was a joke and he didn't mean it. That snapped you out of you stupor and you pull on Denki's sleeve. "Denki, what are you doing?"

His eyes snap up to look at you and his body relaxes, "I- I no one should speak to you like that 'doll," he murmurs gently but you still hear him, all of you do.

A small smile slips on your face and you grip his sleeve tighter. "Thank you Denki," you tell him sincerely. He turned bright pink and you miss it instead whipping your head round to face Minata and pointing a finger out in the air, "listen here small fry, don't speak to me like that again. Who beat you all the times in training? Oh yeah, it was me." You tell him sternly and firmly, not leaving room for any hollow argument.

Katsuki smirks when you call him 'small fry' and wonders how many other nicknames he's made that you use.

Mina claps her hands together after you said your peace and had shut Mineta up, "right, let's get this towel down so I can start sunbathing," she grins. She sees from the corner of her eye that Todoroki is about to say something again about how they need to stay completely focused so before he can say anything Mina adds on, "just kidding," mumbling "kinda" under her breath.

One second Mina's fully clothed and the next second she's only in her bikini laying face down with her face to the side pouting at you and Ochako, "can someone put sunscreen on me? I don't want to burn."

"I'll do it!" Mineta replies automatically, just when you thought he wouldn't say anything else perverted today.

"The fuck you will!" Katsuki yells and you can almost hear the threat of explosions coming from his palms. He stays silent after that and doesn't say anything else, he leers over all the girls but in silence this time.

Everyone relaxes and starts up idle chatter and it was worth it carrying all those heavy things when you finally get to open up a cold drink, refreshing you. Ochako lathers Mina's body in sunscreen claiming that she doesn't want her to burn. You pat next to you and set your eyes on Todoroki, "come sit down Todoroki, you look really shady just standing around."

His lip quirks up in a rare small smile and accepts your offer. "You're right, we're heroes, we're ready to fight and apprehend a villain at the drop of a hat."

You giggle, "that's the spirit."

Due to the sweltering heat everyone has shredded layers, apart from you and Hanta. Even Todoroki has taken off his shirt and is currently annoying Katsuki while most of the heroes are playing beach volleyball. You're boiling and you can feel a few drops of sweat running down your neck but you don't get changed- you can't.

Underneath your clothes you're wearing a bikini but you feel too self conscious to get rid of your clothes, even though your hair is sticking to your face and your skin feels tacky and kind of gross. In your head you curse out those paparazzi from the gala a couple months ago who made you feel insecure as the photos taken of everyone started circulating online.

You gaze up at Hanta, squinting as the sun hits you eyes. Noticing this, Hanta moves the parasol to the side so it covers your eyes from the light. Now in the shade, Hanta grins "better?"

You make a noise of confirmation and nod your head, "thanks Hanta."

Hanta tells you that you're welcome while he lifts up his top starting at the top of his body, near his neck, his voice muffled under the top making you giggle. Your brain catches up with the situation too late as you watch his midriff exposed and the rest of his top half soon after. You swallow your saliva and time seems to slow down as you check him out. His hero costume is skin tight so it's not hard to imagine how he looks under his clothes. It wouldn't be fair to actually compare the two of what you envisioned to reality because after seeing him topless, wow reality is that much better you'd thought.

You wish those thoughts didn't rush though your mind but alas they do, 'my subconscious didn't do Hanta enough justice in my dream.' His arms are particularly muscular, which makes sense with his quirk and you wonder how much he can lift up with all that upper arm strength. There's a large pink scar on his shoulder that you've never seen before and you speculate silently how he got it.

One minute you were admiring his physique and the next you were nearly jumping out of your own skin as Hanta takes off his shorts and you feel the need to bury your head in your hands. You see his thick thighs and you have no control as all you can hear in your head is him calling you 'pretty girl' over and over again.

You're incredibly embarrassed by thinking about your sex dream. You try to avert your gaze away from him but beforehand Hanta can feel your watching eyes on him and spins his body around making eye contact with you, grinning wide and winking. You fiddle the hem of you top, suddenly shy that you've been caught and Hanta flops down next to you, still grinning. "Like what you see princess?" He asks teasingly, emphasising 'princess.'

"O-oh, shut up," you roll your eyes at him. Hanta chuckles and reaches over to the cooler and gets himself a drink. You elbow him on the shoulder, "idiot," and burst out in a fit of laughing and Hanta joins in.

"What's with the shirt?" Hanta asks gesturing to what you're wearing.

You feign ignorance, pretending you don't know what he's talking about. "Huh?"

"You must be hot in that."

"I'm okay," you say and you hope he doesn't notice that you're lying.

"I can see sweat trickle down your forehead, don't get me wrong you're still hot, just now in every sense."

You feel a combination of scoffing at his playful flirting and wrapping your arms around yourself shy and embarrassed but Hanta doesn't let you get too in your head and grabs an unopened drink and places it on your cheek, making you yelp and interrupting your thoughts. "Any better?" He moves the can up onto your forehead. "Why don't you want to get changed pretty girl?"

You stay silent and Hanta waits for you to speak patiently. "What I'm wearing underneath exposes more than normal."

"You've worn swimming costumes and bikini sets in public before, has anything changed. Is it a bad day today?"

Your heart warms when he asks if you had a bad day. "Not a bad day as such but there's been photos of everyone circulating after the charity gala a little while ago and the dress doesn't look as good as I thought it did. Because we're in public I'm kind of wary if someone takes photos and like I said it's more revealing than other ones I have... I regret choosing this one to wear today, it's not very flattering."

"I'll be the judge of that pretty girl." he grins lazily and you huff at his behaviour. You were intending to condone his reaction after you've just been so sincere about how you're truly feeling, especially since Hanta is typically more considerate than that but you should know not to jump to conclusions because after a pause he starts speaking again.

"In all seriousness you looked beautiful that night and I saw photos of everyone all over my twitter feed the day after and it didn't change my mind about how you looked that night. If people take pictures then they take pictures, we're here on a mission," you wince at the reminder that this is a mission but he gives you a reassuring smile, "a pointless mission with your perfect intuition but a mission all the same. You shouldn't sacrifice the relief of cooling down and if your swimming costume is revealing then that's okay, Mina is practically naked," you giggle and he smiles wide. "All of us are hot so anyone who sees us should be lucky,"

There's a cross between a chuckle and a raised eyebrow as you ask him, "even Mineta?" The immediate hard reply of 'no' makes you laugh again. "Haven't you always preached body positivity and acceptance for all?" You tease.

"If he wasn't such a pervert than my answer would be different," Hanta's says simply and you don't know if he's unaware of the affect that had on you. Hanta never once treated anyone different if they didn't fit societal norms, even when other people would, he didn't. Both him and Kiri were like that, it's probably why you always respected them so much.

Hanta's words did convince you to pull off your clothes, you were boiling but you finally shed off your clothes, grimacing as the top sticks to you. Hanta's resting his face in the palm of his hand, looking at you with hooded eyes that makes you feel almost bashful. You can tell his gaze isn't one of leering so you don't mind it so much.

You're completely free of clothes now and feeling a lot better now but you're still sticky, planning to go for a swim in a bit.

"I knew it," Hanta smirks and you look at him confused. "You look beautiful in that pretty girl, pink and white suits you."

"Oh please Hanta, sweat is trickling down my back and clinging to my eyebrow and cupid's brow. I can practically taste it," you disagree with him.

Hanta chuckles deeply, "you're still beautiful."

You tut and grab the sun-lotion from one of the bags, wanting to hide your face for a second. "Who first?" You grin at each other.

"Whoever you want."

"Okay, turn around to face me." He does what he's told, beforehand downing the rest of his drink and sitting so close that your knees are nearly touching his back as you sit on your heels. Opening the cap and squirting some in your hand, you begin to place you hands on his back. Hanta jumps slightly and you ask if he's okay, he responds that he is but it was colder than he expected, you apologise but laugh louder than the apology you give at that answer.

You rub your hands over him, making sure you don't miss any spots not wanting him to burn and have to take a deep breath as you feel his defined shoulder muscles under your palms. You lift his hair up slightly that's covering his neck and make sure it's covering his neck too. Half of you is thinking about how you're very physically close to Hanta and you've never done anything like this before but a louder voice is disagreeing, you both are very touchy-feely, you fall asleep on him and spar together all the time and when watching films in groups you'll share blankets, so is this really different?

'He's kissed me too, so this isn't a big deal...'

You don't pay much mind when you start to press your hand over the places that he can reach. You don't think as you rub cream on his arms and get up and face him, sitting back down as you make eye contact and give him a small smile. He doesn't say anything and neither do you. You put sunscreen on his chest and marvel about how built he feels, you carefully pick up his arms and make certain you cover every inch of him. You squeeze more sunscreen on your hands and close the lid before gently swiping along his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. You see the genuine smile that adorns his face and that snaps you out of your stupor, you momentarily stop putting the lotion on him, freezing, before starting again, although this time a bit more bashfully and not being able to make eye contact with him, instead just looking at the rest of his face.

"Think I'm nearly covered. Next it's you, yeah?" He says softly and you hum confirmation.

At the same time Denki's breathing deeply, trying to catch his breath after overdoing it while playing volleyball and he lets everyone know he's going back to get a drink and he's missing the next match out. He runs up, not noticing until he got close how your hands are running along Sero's body and how you're too close for comfort, it's looks far too intimate, too sensual. Denki clenches his teeth so hard it's a wonder they don't shatter.

"What's this?" Denki asked you both, forcing a smile on his face. You're surprised by his sudden appearance and feel almost guilty, you're really not sure why though.

Kaminari chooses to ignore the exasperated sigh that comes from Sero and gazes at you. You take your hands off Hanta and place them in your lap, "helping each other with putting on sunscreen. Have you already put yours on?"

"Uh. Yeah?"

You scrunch up your face not believing that and give him a pointed look, crossing your arms and it gives both Denki and Hanta everything in them to not look down as you unknowingly push your breasts up higher as you cross your arms. "I don't believe you."

"I did! Just.. Probably not the most thoroughly." He admits sheepishly and you cross your arms.

"Hey Sero, come join our team! We're a player down," Mina hollers to him, not asking you, knowing that you wouldn't want to play. Hanta goes slightly rigid at the request, he doesn't want to leave, he's supposed to put sunscreen on you in a minute and being around you one on one was wonderful, your soft touch on his cheeks and how you delicately moved his hair out of the way.

Little does he know you're in the same situation, although Denki's here now you don't want Hanta to go, you want him to jokingly make more flirty comments and call you pretty girl again. Even though you know he isn't serious about it and even though you know he does it with everyone it still makes you feel good.

Denki sits down very close to you and has a drink before saying, "You should go Sero, a lot of them won't let it go about an unbalanced team. They'll either have won unfairly with an extra player or lost unfairly because they were a player down."

Hanta sighs again before sitting up, "yeah you're right, I don't think I can handle another repeat of similar situation with Bakugou beating Todoroki at the sports festival." You chuckle and he leaves.

You want to ask Denki if he likes your swimming costume but you can't get the words out so instead you ask him, "Hanta was going to put sun-lotion on me but he left, can you do it instead? Just my back and stuff," you ask him. "The places I can't reach," you clarify. You really don't want to get burnt and hopefully if Denki's only touching quickly from behind you won't get too flustered and if you slightly do he won't see. You're definitely not strangers to physical affection with Denki but you are strangers when it involves so little clothes.

"I... uh-"

You interrupt him, taking his pause and lack of answer as reluctance and you don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. You try and ignore the voice in your head that's asking a million questions about why, what's so bad about it. "Don't worry about it Denks I'll just put my top back on," picking up your top and turning it the right way round. 'Ah it was really nice to cool down for awhile.'

Denki grabs onto your top before you can put it back on. "No!" He rushes out and lets go of your top. Levelling his voice back to normal he says, "no, don't do that, you'll get too hot. Let me just move behind you." You give a tiny nod and hum. "Can you pass me the bottle babydoll?"

"Oh yeah," you open your hand and lay the sunscreen bottle in it so he can take it, his fingertips brush against your palm as he takes the bottle from you and you feel him shuffle behind you. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah! All good!" He hopes you don't hear the strain in his voice as he tries to sound okay and squeezes some cream out. "Okay it's going to be cold now," he warns you, "although it might just be refreshing," he adds. He talks so close to you, you can feel his breath on your shoulder blade and for a second there you thought he was going to kiss it by the way he lingered after he spoke but he pulled away and you told yourself about how ridiculous that idea was.

Denki pulls back and repeats that he's going to start now. He's right when he's said it would be cold but also when he said it would be refreshing. However you underestimated thinking Denki touching you wouldn't impact you. What you didn't realise is Denki was doing worse of than you were and you don't hear his swallowing over your own thoughts. Your soft body melds in between his nervous fingers as he makes gentle large circular motions on your skin.

You fight back a shiver as he touches your sides and goes all the way up to your shoulders. "Do you want to lay down?"

"Huh?!" You say a little louder than necessary. Denki is taking so much care with you, more than you thought and it's making you try to force down all the butterflies that are trying to flutter in your stomach. With every minute that passes with his gentle touch, the more heat rises to your cheeks and the more bashful you become. You don't know if you'll be able to handle much more of this.

"You asked me to help you with the places you can't reach." He reminds you and you wince. You didn't ask Hanta to lay down but now the man you love is asking you to and that means he'll be touching you more. Half of you is almost happy about this but the other half is thinking back to how Denki was silent when first asked and why was he silent, it would of been so much easier if Hanta didn't have to leave but you do what he says and lie down on your front, your head turned to the side watching everyone play volleyball in the distance.

You jump as Denki touches you again, still with care. You start to ball up your fists and your cheeks get hotter and hotter, especially when he touches your thighs. You were about to break the silence between you both when he touches your plush thighs but he quickly moves on, quicker than when he's touching other parts of your body.

Simultaneously Denki sucks in teeth and squeezes his eyes shut when he touches your thighs, he almost regrets asking you to lie down. He doesn't stay on your thighs long and goes over to your hips, you feel like his hand itches a bit to close to the string of your bikini bottoms but you dismiss it as he quickly moves his hand away again.

"All done," he says quietly but deeply as he retracts his hands from you.

"What?" You ask. It's not your fault you're distracted it's his, if Denki's going to hover around certain parts of your body he's to blame for any daydreams. It's not your fault if you imagine Denki lowering your bikini bottoms and untying the strings of your bikini top while he actually does place kisses on your shoulder blade, all along down your spine reaching the place he normally keeps his hand when you get too panicky and overwhelmed at events. Holding onto your hips and leaving bites and marks all over your body, letting small sparks go from his fingertips in your inner thighs making you moan-

"I said I'm all done now," you nearly squeak as you're interrupted from your daydream again and swiftly move to get up, Denki holding out his hand for you to take to help you up and turn you back round so you're facing each other again. "Do you want me to do your front?"

You shake your head rapidly and reply, "it's okay I can do it." Your eyes narrow as you see how red his cheeks are, "I know you said you didn't put sunscreen on properly but come on Denks at least put it on your face," you condemn.

"I did!" Denki rebuttals but you don't believe him for one second as you see his face and you tell him just as much.

"I don't trust you, if you've put sunscreen on your face why are you so red?"

"I must not have put it on properly, I should have had someone do it for me. Even though it's the front of my body I should have been more careful with applying." He hopes you don't call him out on his lie and his wording, you don't. After you don't he pushes a bit more, "Sero won't have the same problem because you made sure he was completely covered... I don't want you to burn."

You weigh the pros and cons and in the end the pros outweigh the cons. On one hand you'd prefer not to have anymore dirty inappropriate imagery of Denki but you don't want to get burnt, you're going on a blind date in a few days from now and you don't want them to see you with peeling skin and burning, angry, crimson hot streaks from wherever the sunscreen didn't cover.

"I'll take you up on that, if you still don't mind."

"I offered didn't I?" He smiles at you kindly and gestures for to lie on your back.

"Do I have to lie down Denki?" You ask a bit wary about any more daydreams you might have.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, it's your decision. I think it would make the most sense though."

You're not entirely sure about his logic behind that answer but you trust him and if it makes the most sense then you're sure you'll be able to survive a couple more minutes.

"Great!" Denki says a bit to enthusiastically and he's not deaf to how strange it must sound with how quick his attitude towards this situation seems to have changed.

Lying on your back you suppress the urge to cover your face with a sun hat to hide from him and from this position. The sight you're seeing takes your breath away. You're often reminded about how attractive Denki is, and at random times of the day too, like right now. His pretty golden eyes are reflecting against the sun at this angle, making you get lost in them. Denki unintentionally flexes as he reaches over you to pick something up you don't see and it's only natural that your eyes drift to his well-earned muscles from hero work, his lean body shining with sweat and his blonde hair is falling down his face. You don't even think about it before reaching up and running your hands through his hair and away from his face so you can see his whole face more clearly. A tender smile that you return appears on his face and you swear his face looks redder than before.

What he was reaching before becomes into your view and you see it's his black headband to push back his hair, he didn't think it was necessary earlier but now he's more confident in his movements and in his mind getting his hair completely out of his face so he can see you properly is the best way to go to make sure you're completely covered from the sun and he tells you just as much, although leaving out the part of him being previously not confident and being nervous about it, because you would ask 'why?'

He pushes his hair back with his headband and continues to rub lotion in circles on your skin, this time on the front of your body.

Denki's hand stops and even though you can't see what he's looking at you just know. "Denki?" You say quietly.

He's jolted from his thoughts at your voice and rests his whole hand gently on your rib where a faded jagged scar decorates your skin. His hand is now no longer covered in any cream after rubbing the remaining sunscreen left over in his hand and was currently just gently stroking your scar after hearing your voice.

Subconsciously he's moved his other hand to your hip and normally you would be more flustered than you are by this gesture but the way he's holding you clues you in that all he's thinking about is how you got that scar and he's holding you for comfort- his own comfort.

The first year of hero work out of UA you encountered a villain that got the better of you. You were too slow or maybe she was too fast but either way you ended up with her arm slicing into you. Realising too late that her quirk allows her to form rough, sharp, knife-like shapes in her forearms, cutting deep into your skin as the quirk then secretes poison after making contact with your blood after the slash.

You don't remember much after that just everything fading to black and waking up, lying in a hospital bed, with Denki by your side, looking like he hasn't slept in days as he tells you that Sero found you and luckily he did find you because you lost a lot of blood but more urgently the poison had entered your blood stream and destroying your body from the inside, luckily you were treated when you did.

That wasn't the only time getting injured while working but it's the one that seemed to scare Denki the most, from your point of view that's what it looked like at least. You surmised a long time ago that that incident was more serious than everyone told you.

"Denki, I'm okay now." You assure him softly.

"Yeah," he says so quietly that it's almost silent.

Trying to cheer him up but also sharing your honest feelings about the matter you admit to him, "plus I think it's kind of cool y'know? It's almost like we're matching now. It reminds me of a lightning bolt."

Denki's eyes snap up to look at you, and squeezes your hip subtly for a second before letting go. His mouth opens and it looks like he's about to say something before closing it.

"You're right babydoll," he doesn't say anything for a second before adding, "I promise you won't get hurt like that again," he tapers off at the end and it becomes more of a mutter.

You giggle because how's he going to do that? You're a hero, just like him and his protectiveness of you makes you giggly and giddy because what is he going to do, wrap you up in bubble wrap?

Denki brightens up as he hears you laugh and smirks, uncapping the lid of bottle again and finishing the rest of his assigned role. He surprises even himself as he lifts up the strap of your bikini top a bit to put sunscreen under it, he's not sure what he'll say if you question it but you're too busy biting the inside of your cheek because 'that was intimate, he was basically undressing me'. You know that's not entirely accurate but he was still moving your clothes, and your bikini top no less!

Luckily for your own sanity the only other noteworthy thing that happened was when Denki applied the cream to your neck unlike how he's been doing the whole time beforehand. Instead of making circular motions he was wrapping his hand around your whole neck all at once and rubbing it in all in one go. You can only imagine how rapid your pulse was beating and it's astonishing that Denki didn't say anything. You think at that moment you exploded and couldn't help but wonder about how his hands seemed very confident and comfortable around someone's neck...

Lifting yourself up, Denki stands at the same time and holds out his hand for you to hold onto, "wanna go swimming?"

"I'd love to," while taking his hand you answer.

As soon as you stand up the voices from your friends get closer and you watch as they make their way over to you. You hear Mina exclaim, "Ahh, I love your bikini! It really suits you. Where did you get it from?" You heart warms when you hear the compliment, knowing that not just Hanta likes it but Mina does too.

Even though you haven't been playing volleyball like some of the others you're still equally hungry having been sweating all day and only having a light breakfast so your plans to go swimming gets delayed as everyone sits down and gets ready to eat lunch. Bakugou starts laying out food prepared by him, not trusting some random person at his agency to do it or anyone else going on the mission, people like Todoroki are notoriously bad when it comes to anything involving or similar to cooking. Denki grabs a couple of sandwiches for the both of you, and you can't help but scrunch up your nose at his choice, having a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich is completely normal but the amount of mayonnaise he adds to it is not. He's kind enough to grab your favourite though so you don't verbalise your slight disgust (this time at least) and happily eat lunch with everyone else, listening as Katsuki brags about how he scored the most in the volleyball.

After finishing your sandwiches Denki picks up a watermelon slice from the platter and holds it near your mouth, "say ahhh" you automatically open your mouth humming 'ahhh' not even thinking about it. Denki feeds you the watermelon as you take a bite of it.

"Want to go swimming now?"

"Sure."

" 'Kay." Denki then speaks louder so everyone else can hear him, "we're gonna go swimming."

Then a swarm of replies of people saying 'okay' and Kiri saying, "see you in a bit, i'm going to go swimming after finishing up eating".

Taking the already inflated doughnut with you, you leave and get to the sea line, yelping as the cold water moves and touches your legs. Denki chuckles and you scowl at him. He sprints into the water and sighs as it cools him down, gingerly you walk into the water, reaching him and a cross between a sigh and a shiver escapes you.

Denki takes the doughnut ring from your grasp and places it over your head onto your waist, pulling the side, with you in it, further into the water while you float along with him, you halfheartedly complain but he grins at you while you pout.

"Cooler now than you were earlier in the day 'doll?"

"Yeah," you smile softly.

"I'm glad," Denki replies back.

As you get farther from the tide Denki stops and spins the float that's holding you around a couple times, before stopping and holding the inflatable with his two hands on either side and grins as you. "Remember when we were like fifteenth and we went to the beach together, you ended up burying me in sand, I still have nightmares about it," Denki says solemnly, jokingly.

You giggle uncontrollable at the memory remembering it like yesterday. "It's your fault, I mean who falls asleep while eating an ice cream at the beach. It was only natural for me to lay you down and bury you. Plus, it was payback!"

"Payback for what may I ask?" He knows what you'll say.

You gasp in fake horror of him forgetting, "you knocked down my sandcastle when we were little! We went to the beach together for the summer, both of our families, and I begged you to make a sandcastle with me but you didn't want to, you ran off and made a new friend for the day and while you were running back from the sea with him you ran into my sandcastle and knocked it over! It was traumatic!"

"I don't remember that, are you sure?" Denki smirks and you slash him. He starts spinning you around again, this time rapidly and continuously, you squeal and get dizzy. You try and splash him more as you both laugh. He halts spinning you and you make eye contact, "please forgive six year old me, it's not like he brought you a coke and an ice cream and let you decide what film to watch that night when you stayed at mine to make up for it or anything." He teases you with a grin and you think about how you'd like to stay in this moment forever, this perfect moment, his arms brushing against your body as he holds onto the float, the grinning and laughter you share, the memories and the now, just the two of you.

You're thankful you were right about the mission.

tag list: @st4r-girl-official @xnorthstar3x @cherribxio @stabbygabyy @boreaswrites @skylardarling (i don't remember if you wanted me to tag you, sorry but you sent me an ask about i talk too much so i thought i'd tag you) @kelly-fushiguro345 ♡♡

[kpop---scenarios]

Linked (3)

Pairing: Byun Baekhyun x Reader

Warning: Smut, Heartbreak

Word Count: 3.8k

Chapter One / Chapter Two

“I had a great time tonight.” Shownu grins, as he walks you up to your door. You give him a smile back, you couldn't stop thinking of what happened with Mr. Byun at the restaurant, the scenes flashed through your head as you remembered the feeling of his fingers, his hot breath on your neck.

“Thank you for everything.” You say, giving him a small wave. You turn to open your door, but Shownu reaches out, grabbing onto your wrist. He pulls your body into his, his other hand moving to your cheek. Before you can say anything he leans down, gently pressing his lips to yours. You wanted to melt into the kiss, you wanted to make it more passionate. Shownu was nice, handsome, funny, sweet and smart. He was everything you could need or want in a man, and best of all, he was single. So why did you feel so guilty? Why did it feel like your heart was going to shatter at the feeling of his lips on yours?

You pull away, whispering a small thanks, going inside and shutting the door. You wished you could have invited him in, maybe you just wanted to use him to get your mind off of Baekhyun, would that have been so bad?

You took a shower, trying to scrub the shame of the evening off your body in an attempt to make yourself feel better, but it didn't work. You couldn't fully tell how you felt but it wasn't right. Ashamed? Guilty? Frustrated? All the above? You didn't want to see anyone else for the rest of the weekend, and that's exactly what you did. You holed up in your apartment, watching shows, eating food and staying in your pj's the entire time. By the time Monday morning rolled around, part of you was ready to interact with humans again but the other part wanted to stay in your bed and do nothing.

You walked into the office Monday morning with your head down. You didn't want to see Shownu, and you sure as fuck didn't want to see Baekhyun. You gave a small wave to anyone who said hi to you, but you didn't make eye contact with anyone. Your head is still down as you walk into your office, as you go to your desk you hang up your jacket, praying the day goes quickly. And luckily for you it does. The clock hits 5pm and you can't wait to get the fuck out of there. You had successfully avoided all interaction with Baekhyun and Shownu. Now you are going to go to the bathroom quickly before heading home. You walk back to your office at a fast pace and your head down. You walk into your office and you see a pair of black shoes standing in the middle of the room. You can feel it instantly. The pull, the need, the pure erotic lust you'd felt before. Slowly you raised your head, seeing Baekhyun standing in a fitted suit, his face stone cold.

“What can I do for you, Mr. Byun?” You ask, grabbing your jacket, refusing to look him in the eyes.

“This isn't what I wanted.” He says. His voice is softer than how his face looked. “I didn't want this. I don't want this. I don't want to care or have such an intense attraction to someone I don't know, someone I don't want to know..someone who isn't my fiancee. But I can't help what I feel, and I can't fucking stay away from you.” He snaps. “No matter how hard I try.”

“I never meant for any of this to happen.” You whisper. “I don't know what is happening, I don't know why I'm so attracted to you. It's like there's this.. “ you pause.

“Pull. I feel a pull towards you, and it's like nothing I've ever felt, with anyone.” He finishes your sentence.

Baekhyun stares at you for a moment before he turns, closing all the blinds in your office. He stands in front of the last one for a second, taking a breath. He turns around, his eyes glued to you as he walks to you. “I don't know what to do about you.” He sighs, grabbing the nape of your neck, pulling you closer to him. His lips hover over yours, it's like he's second guessing his choice. You can feel how torn he is between you and Jennie.

He quickly presses his lips to yours, you can feel the static and sparks running through your veins from this kiss, the amount of connection the two of you had was something you'd never thought possible. His warm lips pressed to yours harder, his tongue swept over yours in an urge to deepen the kiss. Your lips parted, letting him in, his tongue swirling around yours as he pressed his body hard to yours, backing you into the wall. Your arms wrap around his neck, your fingers running through his hair as you allow him to dominate the kiss. He doesn't want to waste any time, he hikes up your skirt, his fingers gently trailing over your clothed pussy. He can feel the heat you're radiating for him through the small touch.

“I need you, now.” He pants. He quickly unbuckles his belt, pulling his cock out. He pushes your panties to the side while you lift your leg, placing it on the chair, waiting for him to fuck you. Just as he begins to guide himself in, his phone rings. He groans loudly, pulling it from his pocket to decline the call. He put its down, the tip of his cock dragging against your lips, you were so fucking wet as tou waited for him to be inside you.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Fuck.” Baekhyun yells. He picks up his phone again, answering it angrily. “What?”

His face and tone soften. “Shit. When? Yeah okay, I got it.” He says, hanging up the phone. He looks at you with those please forgive me eyes. You drop your leg, fixing your underwear and skirt.

“I'm sorry, Y/N. I really am, I have to go.” He sighs, tucking himself away.

“Yeah, it's fine.” You half smile.

It wasn't fine. He was leaving you with a throbbing clit and the biggest urge for a cock inside you. You watch as he walks out of your office, adjusting himself. You were lucky there was no one else here right now. You hoped that the two of you would pick things up tomorrow.

That never happened. Baekhyun didn't come to work the next day, or the next day, or the next. In fact it had been two weeks since you had seen him, and no one in the office knew where he was. That was until today, when you checked your work emails, seeing a flight confirmation under your name heading to London.

“Um.” You mutter, looking around the office. “Lisa?” You call out. She pops out of nowhere, smiling at your desk.

“What's up?” She asks.

“Why is there a flight to London in my name?” you ask, looking between the email and Lisa.

“Oh shit, no one told you?” She asks. You shake your head, your mouth still slightly ajar.

“Mr. Byun has been in London the last 2 and a half weeks. And now he needs a senior analyst there with him, and you were the one chosen.” She tells you. She glances at the clock. “Oh shit, it's already 3pm, your flight leaves at 6pm. You better get home and pack! Have a great time!” She yells as she walks off. You scramble to grab your belongings, rushing out of the office and hailing the first taxi you saw. He screeched outside your building and you asked him to wait so he could take you to the airport. You busted into your apartment, grabbing your suitcase from under your bed and throwing clothes, underwear, bras, pj's in there along with some shoes. You got all your toiletries together, found your passport, charger and anything else you could quickly think of. You changed your outfit into something more comfortable, you had an almost 14 hour flight ahead of you. Once you closed your suitcase, you locked up your apartment, and rushed down to the waiting taxi. You were sure you had forgotten something, even so, you'd figure it out. You'd never been to London, you were so excited.

You made your flight on time, sitting in first class was boujee. You sat in a pod, the seat turning into a bed if you wanted. You ate some snacks, dinner, watched a couple movies and slept for a while. Once the pilot announced you would be arriving soon, you grabbed the spare work outfit from your carryon and went to the bathroom to change. You tried your best to fix your hair and your face, but it was hard with all your stuff sitting under the plane.

As the plane landed and you got off, you followed the signs through the large London Airport. You found your baggage claim and once you got your bag you went out, only to see a man standing there with your name on a sign.

“Miss Y/N L/N?” He asks. You smile and nod your head. He grabs your luggage, leading you out of the airport.

“We'll get you checked into your hotel room, you can rest for the day, but Mr. Byun will need you tomorrow.” He says, glancing at you from the rear view mirror.

“Thank you.” You say, letting out a big yawn. Fuck, jetlag was already hitting you. Once you got to your room, you took a much needed shower, after that, you had never been so happy to see a bed, you crawled into it immensely. It was almost like crawling into a cloud. You turned on the TV, wrapped yourself up in the blanket and soon you were out.

The next thing you knew, your room phone was ringing loudly. You groggily answer it. “Hello?” you croak.

“Good morning, Miss L/N. This is your 7am wake up call. The car will be leaving in 30 minutes.” She says, before hanging up the phone. You rolled out of bed, grabbing an outfit and your toiletries. You got dressed, did half assed makeup and your hair in record time. You slipped on a pair of shoes that best matched your skirt and shirt, grabbed your bag and room key and left for the elevator. You weren't looking forward to seeing Baekhyun, especially not after what happened last time. What was wrong with you? Why can't you just leave the man alone?

The elevator doors open, and you see Baekhyun standing there, waiting. He nods to you, before walking towards the doors of the hotel. He opens the car door, getting in and leaving it open for you to get in after him.

“Good morning.” He says to you.

“Morning.” You reply back.

Nothing else is said between the two of you. The day passes quickly as you're in and out of the conference room, talking to multiple different people about multiple different things as you and Baekhyun try to close this deal that could take being a data analyst to the next level. There was 1 more day of work ahead of you, but here the two of you were, eating pizza in the conference room at 730pm with a few others. Baekhyun sighs as you all finish up.

“It's getting late.” He says. “We can pick this up tomorrow. Thank you everyone.” When the others leave, you stand there waiting for Baekhyun.

“You can go.” He says to you.

“Oh.” You begin. “Well we came together, so I just assumed..” you trail off.

“Ah right. Let me get my jacket.” He says.

The two of you stand side by side as you wait for the elevator. He stands close to you, but not so close you're touching, just close enough to feel the spark. Your entire body tingles as you step onto the full elevator. As you step on Baekhyun puts his hand on the small of your back, guiding you to the side. He stands behind you, moving closer, his body pressing up against your back. You desperately wanted to turn around and have him take you right then. But you atleast have a little self control.

By the time you had gotten back to the hotel, no words had been spoken between you. You walked into the hotel in silence, waited for this elevator in silence, and rode to the 14th floor in silence. You got off, and went to your room. You get your key card out, Baekhyun stops.

“Good night, Y/N.” He says, as he continues to walk down the hall, he stops as you put your key in your door, turning around. He walks back towards you.

“I'm so fucking tired of fighting this.” He snaps. He pulls you into your room, slamming the door behind him. He kisses you sloppily, it's so needy for the both of you. He grabs your shirt, pulling it over your head before quickly unhooking your bra, tossing it wherever. He drops to his knees, taking your nipple in his mouth, sucking on it before moving to the other one. You let out a moan as your clit throbs for him. He releases your nipple and pulls down your skirt, discarding it along with your underwear. He stands up, tossing you on the bed before he undoes his tie, and takes off his jacket and his shirt. You can see the bulge in his pants growing harder and harder as he eyes up your naked body. He crawls onto the bed, spreading your legs wide. He licks a long strip up your soaked pussy and you scream. He begins to devour you, taking your clit in between his lips as he switches between sucking and flicking the nub with his tongue. He has you twisting beneath him on the bed as he licks and sucks you like his life depended on it.

“Oh my god, Baekhyun. Fuck.” You cry out, making him go faster. He inserts two fingers inside of you, pumping them in and out as he continues slurping up all your juices. You grab your tits, rolling your nipples between your fingers as your orgasm builds. Before you can say anything you cum hard. Your orgasm rips through your body, your scream out in pleasure as Baekhyun slows down his work.

“Holy.” You breathe. “Fuck.”

Baekhyun sits up, smiling as he looks down at you, your chest heaving as you come down from your high. That smile disappears quickly as he stands up, taking his pants off, and boxers. He lets his cock spring free stroking it a few times. You lay there with your legs wide open, ready for him. He sticks his fingers inside of you, using your juices to lube his cock. He lines himself up with you and rams himself inside you. Your eyes roll back as he slams his dick into you over and over again. He grunts loudly, holding your legs in the air ad he fucks you hard, like he's been wanting to do for weeks.

Baekhyun pulls himself out of you, pulling you up onto your knees. He moves behind you, inserting his cock back into your pussy as he reaches around to the front to play with your clit. You tighten yourself around him as he thrusts into you, while his fingers work your clit. It doesn't take you long to cum again, this time soaking his cock.

“Fuck baby.” He moans. “You feel so fucking good.” He pushes you down, your face now on the bed as he picks up his pace. He rams his cock deep inside you as his fingers dig into your hips. You cry out and moan so loudly, you were sure you were going to get complaints, but you didn't care.

“Right there.” You scream. “Yes! Fuck, right fucking there.”

“Does my cock feel good baby?”

“So fucking good. oh my god.” You scream.

Baekhyun grabs onto a clump of your hair, pulling hard as he rams into you a few more times before he finally cums, his vision goes blurry as his cum seeps deep inside you.

He pulls out of you, collapsing on the bed beside you. The two of you lay there, smiling at each other as you try to catch your breath. Baekhyun reaches over, caressing your face, you close your eyes. You only meant to for a second, but you were so tired you must have fallen asleep. You woke up the next morning, looking over at the spot Baekhyun had laid before and he wasn't there. You look around the room and see him sitting in the corner in a chair, watching you.

“Are you okay?” You whisper.

Baekhyun looks down, his fingers twisting the couples ring on his finger. His shoulders are hunched as he takes a deep breath. “I uh.. I don't know.” He answers.

Your stomach sinks.

“I know you love her. You've been together for so long it makes sense.. but what if.. what if I'm your soulmate?” You ask.

He looks up at you, he's confused until you can see it click on his face. He stands up, kissing you quickly before he puts some clothes on.

“I need to talk to her.” He says, running out of the room. You get yourself dressed and ready for the day, you had only this morning to finish everything up, your flight leaves this evening.

This was the hardest morning you had ever had. Your eyes kept wandering towards Baekhyun. You tried to fight it but he just looked so fucking good. He had a smile on his face, he was laughing. You'd never seen him so carefree before. Anytime he caught you gawking, he secretly winked at you, making your insides burn with desire.

“I'm just going to go to the restroom.” You say, clearing your throat. You use the bathroom, wash your hands and walk out but not before a hand grabs you, pulling you down another hall.

Baekhyun leans closer to you but you stop him. “Wait. I've been needing to know.” You begin. “Did you.. end things?” You ask him.

“Yes I did. I ended it.” He confirms. He actually did it?

“I've been wanting to do this all day.” Baekhyun groans, crashing his lips to yours. He presses himself against you, making you moan into his mouth.

“Just fuck me, right here.” You gasp, his lips kissing all over your neck.

He chuckles. “Now, now, baby. You have to be a good girl for me.” He groans, tempted to just do it.

“Mr Byun?” You hear him being called. He sighs loudly, releasing himself from you, straightening up himself. He walks around the corner, taking the person calling him away so you can sneak out too.

Once the clock hit 2pm, you and Baekhyun were out of there. Your flight left at 5pm, so there was still time for you to check out of the hotel and make it to the airport. The two of you sat in your seats on the plane, and you drifted off to sleep for almost the entire flight. As you and Baekhyun collect your luggage, he grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers as you walk out of the airport.

“I have to go the other way.” You giggle, trying to release your hand from his. “I need to get a cab.”

“What? Absolutely not. I'll drive you home.” He smiles. He puts both your luggage in the back seat of his car as you get into the passenger seat. As Baekhyun drives towards your apartment, his hand rests on your thigh. You feel like you're going to explode if he doesn't touch you soon. Smiling to yourself, you reach over, placing your hand on his thigh. Every second you moved it up slightly, until you were finally on top of his cock. You gently massage him, making him groan.

“You're making It hard for me to concentrate.” He breathes.

“Oh yes, it's definitely getting hard.” You grin.

Baekhyun stops the car outside your building, running around to your side, opening the door and pulling you out of the car and your suitcase. Baekhyun's hands grope your body as you try to unlock your door. Once it opens, he slams it shut behind you, pinning you against the door. His mouth is on yours, you're both pulling clothes off of each other, so desperate to feel each other. Baekhyun slides two fingers into your pussy, making you cry out as he thrusts his fingers in and out.

“you're so fucking wet.” He moans, stroking his cock with your wetness. You pull him to the couch, pushing him down to sit. You climb on top of him, sinking yourself down on his cock. You gasp as he stretches you out. You begin to rock, grinding yourself on him as his hands grope your breasts. Your hands run through his hair, pulling him closer to you, his hands move down to your ass, making you bounce up and down on him.

“Shit.” He cries out, you squeeze your pussy around him as you feel your orgasm coming fast.

“Cum for me baby.” He says, gripping your ass tighter, bouncing you faster.

“Fuck.” You cry, your orgasm exploding through your body. Baekhyun keeps holding you up as he thrusts himself inside you, pounding himself into you, desperately needing to release himself inside you.

He cums inside you, letting you soak up everything he's given you. You sit there for a moment, catching your breath. You slowly get off of him, your legs wobbling.

“Come on, let's get cleaned up.” He chuckles, letting you lead him to the bathroom.

A few hours later you were begging Baekhyun not to leave but he kept telling you he had things he needed to do.

“I promise, after our little victory party tomorrow, we will go on a date and I'll stay all night and all day the next day.” He smiles. You pout but agree.

“See you tomorrow?” You ask.

“See you tomorrow.” He smiles, placing a small kiss on your lips before leaving.

You were so unbelievably fucking happy.

The next evening, you were surrounded by coworkers as you celebrated landing the deal that you and Baekhyun had been in London for. Champagne in your glass, you looked good, and you could not wait for Baekhyun to show up. You were talking to Lisa when she mentioned that Baekhyun was here. You turned around, a smile plastered on your face until you saw him. In he walked, fingers intertwined with Jennie. A big smile plastered on her face, their couple rings flashing under the lights.

His words from just a few days ago replay in your head.

“Yes I did. I ended it.”

[st-eve-barnes]

You know that I'm no good (chapter 5)

(Modern Aegon x fem Reader, Modern Sihtric x fem Reader)

Summary: You want Sihtric. Aegon wants Skade. There's only one small problem: Sihtric and Skade are dating each other.

This chapter: in spite of your growing and confusing feelings for Aegon things get cozy with Sihtric as well. (I know my Sihtric girls have been very patient, you're getting a bit more of him this chapter!)

The movie I picked in this chapter was random and I quickly picked one of my fave songs from it not realizing it's actually pretty perfect for Aegon, so go listen to Girl you'll be a woman soon by Urge Overkill.

Warning for the entire series: 18+ for explicit language and smut. Angst/comfort/fluff. Fake dating and so much mutual pining. Mentions of depression/drinking/self harm.

This is an Aegon x Reader fic with a bit of Sihtric x Reader on the side. I've wanted to write a modern AU that combines The Last Kingdom and House of the dragon for a while now so here it is!

Word count: +2900

Masterlist

***

All my fics are also on AO3

***

You were on your couch again the next Friday night, determined not to open the door for anyone this time and enjoy your Netflix alone time. Before you started your Stranger Things rewatch you took one last look at your phone.

Zero messages.

Aegon had been quiet since last weekend. You supposed you could always text him first but you didn’t want to appear too eager, which you of course absolutely were but you didn’t want him to know that. Your feelings for him still confused you and having slept on Helaena’s words you were determined to at least try and follow her advice. 

Focus on just having fun with Aegon and try not to overthink things. And get back to the plan with Sihtric. You were in the middle of the second episode when your phone lit up with a text, from Aegon. You reached for it so fast you almost dropped your phone on the floor. 

So far for not appearing too eager.

“Good evening, moon of my life ❤️”

His text made your heart skip a beat and your lips curled up into the biggest smile. Damned, you hated the effect he had on you.

“Hey, loser,” you texted back.

“Whatcha doin?” his answer came immediately.

“Watching Netflix and not leaving my couch, and you?”

“In my bed watching a movie. I would ask you to come over but you don’t wanna leave your couch so I won't bother.”

Shit.

“What movie?” you typed, ignoring his invite and trying not to think of the image of him lying in his bed all cozy and alone.

“Pulp fiction.”

“Oh, a classic.”

“You’ve seen it?”

“Of course I’ve seen it, a long time ago though, I think I remember I loved it?”

You jumped when your phone rang and your heart leaped again seeing Aegon’s name appear on the screen. You eagerly accepted his call,”Hey, loser.”

His voice was soft and heavy in your ear,“Watch it with me.”

“Aegon, I’m not coming over.”

“That’s not what I meant, look for it on Netflix and we can watch it together, I’m only 5 minutes in, I’ll wait for you.”

You sighed,”I was watching Stranger Things.”

“And now we’re going to watch something that isn’t crap. Come on, doll face, do it, I’ll wait.”

You stopped the episode to type the movie into the search bar. 

“Stranger Things isn’t crap,” you stated in the meantime, settling back in your spot on the couch.”And what gives you the right to interrupt my plans again by the way? Is this going to happen every Friday night?

“Maybe,” Aegon teased,”Would you mind?”

You could practically hear his shit-eating grin through the phone.

"Ask me again in a few weeks," you teased him back and he laughed.

“You ready?” he then asked.

“Ready.”

Aegon let you watch in silence for ten minutes before he started giving you his opinion on certain scenes, which resulted in you having to tell him to shut up because you were missing things.

“But you’ve seen it already,” he ignored your complaints.

“That was years ago, I don’t remember every little detail!” you threw back,"Let me pay attention."

“Okay, fine, I’ll shut up,” he promised. Which lasted for exactly five minutes. You gave up on trying after that, and you had to admit you were kind of enjoying the sound of his voice a little more than the movie anyway. His laughter through the phone warmed your heart and when he sang along to “Girl you’ll be a woman soon” your heart wasn’t the only thing getting overheated.

By the end of the movie he turned more quiet again but you could still hear him breathing right next to your ear, making it feel as if he was right there in the room with you. 

God, how you wished he was right there in the room with you. 

And how you wished the movie was longer than it actually was because before you knew it the end credits started rolling and you could hear Aegon let out a long, tired sigh and yawn.

“Thanks for keeping me company, darling,” he then spoke sweetly.

“Next time you’re watching Stranger Things with me,” you teased him and you could hear him laugh softly.

“Next time you come over and watch it in bed with me,” he whispered in a sleepy voice, putting your stomach in knots.

“Good night, Aegs.”

“Sweet dreams, my beautiful girl.”

***

You had just finished breakfast the next morning when your phone lit up with a text, not Aegon but Helaena this time.

“Party at Sihtric’s house tonight and guess who got us all an invite? You can thank me later, pick you up at 10!”

You couldn’t help but smile and feel excited by her message but your initial excitement wore off quickly when you realized Sihtric wasn’t the one you were excited about. Your first thoughts and the butterflies in your stomach were all for someone else.

When did this happen? Sihtric was the one you’d been crushing on for the past six months or so, the guy you so desperately wanted to date only a few weeks ago, your ultimate dream guy, the prettiest guy you’d ever seen. And now?

Did you even still want him? Or had Aegon wormed his way into your brain and your heart to the point there was no more room for Sihtric?

You closed your eyes, trying to conjure Sihtric’s beautiful features and unique eyes and cast Aegon out but all you could see was two beautiful blue eyes and a dumb smile that didn’t belong to Sihtric.

Fuck.

Another text from Helaena popped up on your screen:”You’d better wear something slutty, I have a feeling tonight is your night, babe!”

You decided on something mildly slutty, one of your best fitting jeans with a low cut top showing off your back and a little cleavage.

When Helaena texted you the address you found out Sihtric didn’t live too far from your apartment. As you walked up the steps to his house you were amazed by the size of it, it looked more like a mansion than a house., you knew he was pretty well off but you still hadn’t expected that.

Helaena locked arms with you as you both walked into the luxurious garden, there was a huge swimming pool, bar and barbecue and quite a few familiar faces hanging around.

“Not bad, huh?” Helaena whispered.

“Not bad,” you agreed,”I’m gonna go look for a bathroom first, I’ll meet you back out here.”

You walked up the stairs to the house and through the kitchen, looking for the bathroom but failing to find one you walked up the stairs.

“Lady Y/N?”

His voice made you turn around instantly and you stared right into his beautiful mismatched eyes. Sihtric was standing at the bottom of the stairs, wearing black jeans and a simple white t-shirt and it looked ridiculously good on him. You almost felt relief when the sight of him still took your breath away.

Maybe your dormant crush on him wasn’t as dead as you had assumed after all.

“You remembered my name,” you smiled surprised.

He returned your smile,”Of course I did. You’re hard to forget.”

He carefully walked up the stairs to get closer to you, reaching out his hand again and when you offered yours he shook it firmly and then held onto it just a little too long, the contact making you blush. 

“How are you enjoying the party?” he asked.

“We’ve only just arrived, but I’m already in awe of this gorgeous house you have here.”

“Ah, I wish I could take credit for that but it’s my parent’s house,” he explained,”I’m just house sitting for them while they’re away for the summer. Let’s just say my place is a little more…modest.”

He gave you a sweet smile that you couldn’t help but return.

“Well, does your parent’s mansion also have a bathroom?”

He smiled,”It has five actually.”

Your eyes widened and he nodded his head and laughed,”I know, so over the top, right? I’ll walk you to the closest one. Follow me.”

You followed him up the stairs, swallowing down the nerves in your stomach and trying not to stare at his ass too much.

“It’s the first door right there,” he pointed,”Do you…want me to wait until you’re done?”

There was a teasing, almost flirty tone to his question.

“No, I think it’s a little early on in our relationship for you to hear me pee,” you teased back.

He laughed again, so loud and so genuine it lit up his entire face and it made you swell with pride. Not only had you managed to talk to him without letting your nerves take the upper hand but you actually managed to make him laugh as well. It made your confidence soar.

“Come find me when you’re done,” he then spoke softer,”The price for using my personal bathroom is a dance. So you owe me one.”

He winked at you again before returning his way down the stairs.

You entered the bathroom with a big sheepish grin on your face and when you looked at your reflexion in the mirror you covered your face with both hands, both excited and slightly embarrassed.

You jumped when your phone beeped, expecting a text from Helaena but it was Aegon this time.

“Just arrived at Sihtric’s but my pretty girlfriend isn’t here :( “

“I’m in the bathroom,” you texted back, smiling to yourself,”Unless you mean one of your other girlfriends…”

“You’re the only one for me, sweetheart. Come find me.”

Your chewed your bottom lip and sighed, feeling those butterflies pop up in your stomach again. 

So that crush definitely wasn’t dead either. You knew Aegon was just playing, pretending to be your boyfriend like you both agreed to and flirting because that was the only way he knew how to communicate with women. None of it meant anything. 

Right?

And Hel’s words still floated around in your head too:“do not fall in love with him because it will not end well”.

Was it too late for that already? Had you already started falling in love with him or was there still time to reverse everything and give Sihtric an actual chance?

***

The party was in full swing by the time you got back outside, Helaena was dancing her ass off on the dance floor with some guys you didn’t recognize. Jace was chilling on a floaty unicorn in the pool and you even spotted Aemond by the bar, dressed in all black as always and filling up his drink while hiding behind his sunglasses even though the sun had gone down a while ago.

Sihtric was talking to some of his friends by the barbecue and much to your surprise you caught his eye almost instantly and he gave you a little wave and a smile. You waved back but didn’t walk up to him, instead you kept looking around until you saw him. 

Aegon, walking up to you with a happy little smile on his lips. His hair was messy and curly and he was wearing light blue jeans, sneakers and a black t shirt. He looked so good for someone who wasn’t your type at all. You couldn’t look away from him and he didn’t seem to be able to look away from you either, not breaking eye contact once until he was standing right in front of you.

“Hey,” you smiled.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he teased, placing one hand on your hip and leaning in to place a lingering kiss on your cheek. You leaned into it and placed your hands on his stomach. It seemed to encourage him because he cupped your cheek and kissed you again, on the lips this time. It was soft and sweet and you fucking melted.

Aegon smiled into the kiss and you slipped your tongue into his mouth, unable to hold yourself back. He didn’t hesitate to reciprocate, kissing you deeper and digging his fingers into your hips as he pulled you closer.

You leaned back too soon for his liking and his mouth chased yours, pulling you into another kiss. You didn’t need to be persuaded, you kissed him back just as eagerly.

There was nothing wrong with playing the game, right? After all he was supposed to be your boyfriend and you were just acting your part. 

Eventually you leaned back again and this time he let you.

“You missed me, huh?” he teased, his smile soft and his hands still resting on your waist.

“Like a hole in the head,” you teased him right back, making him laugh again.

“Shall I get us some drinks?” he suggested.

“Good plan, yeah,” you stepped back from him, relieved to be able to put some distance between you two. 

You could so easily get addicted to his kisses, and his hands, his gorgeous blue eyes. Fuck, you could get addicted to all of him. Maybe you already were but you were just too stubborn to admit that.

“Lady Y/N?”

You turned around to find Sihtric standing right in front of you.

“May I steal you away from your boyfriend for that dance?” he asked, a sweet smile on his face as he reached out his hand to you.

This was a dream and not real life, it must be. Just a month ago you were all alone and ready to give up on men altogether and now these two gorgeous guys were practically begging for your attention? This couldn’t be real, things like that didn't just happen to you.

But when you placed your hand in Sihtric's it felt very real.

He guided you to the dance floor and you followed him eagerly. 

Maybe giving into him would help break this spell Aegon seemed to have put you under, it sure couldn’t hurt.

The song was slow and Sihtric didn’t hesitate to place both hands on your waist, carefully pulling you closer to him but waiting for you to close the final distance. You wrapped both arms around his shoulders, gazing up into his eyes for a moment and finding him staring right back at you, and straight into your soul. 

His eyes were intense and when his lips curled up into the tiniest of smiles you looked away with a smile of your own. 

Sihtric pulled you closer and you leaned into him, giving into the warmth and comfort his body was offering you. He hugged you tighter, you hugged him back, he gently nuzzled into your hair, you moved your fingers into his neck caressing his skin. When his lips brushed against your cheek, obviously very much on purpose, you shamelessly leaned into it.

It felt good to hold him and be held by him, his undivided attention and playful touches felt even better.

He didn’t speak for the longest time but just danced with you, letting you get comfortable with him and helping you relax in his arms. His one hand carefully moved up from your waist to your back and underneath your top, tracing patterns on your exposed skin. His fingers featherlight and leaving goosebumps in their path. His forehead rested against yours, locking eyes with you again and not looking away this time.

Every caress from him was slowly starting to erase Aegon from your mind. 

When Aegon returned with your drinks that’s where he found you, wrapped up in Sihtric’s arms. His jaw clenched at the sight and he quickly turned around, not wanting to look at you both any longer than necessary. For a moment he wasn’t sure what to do with himself and he just froze. He took a long sip from his drink, and then another one until the glass was empty. Then he put your drink down on the table and returned to the house and as far away from the dance floor as he could.

Helaena had witnessed the whole thing and closed her eyes in a deep sigh.

Dancing with Sihtric felt surreal, you’d dreamt about this so often but you never imagined it might actually happen. And you definitely never imagined him being so flirty and sweet with you. You could feel his warm breath on your cheek, his lips inching closer to yours and for a moment you actually thought he was going to kiss you.

He pulled back at the last moment and just continued dancing with you.

“Sorry,” he then whispered,”I didn’t mean to overstep.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t,” you reassured him.

“I know you and Aegon are…”

“Oh, right,” you realized,”And you and Skade of course.”

He just smiled,”Me and Skade aren’t exclusive.”

“Oh.”

“She’s…um…a bit of a free spirit.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his choice of words.

“Anyway, I should let you get back to your boyfriend,” he moved back but not before taking your hand and looking into your eyes one last time,”If things don’t work out between you and him…or if you two are not as exclusive as I think you are…give me a call. We can still do that double date, or…I could just take you out on a date.”

And then he walked away from you, leaving you completely baffled.

You jumped when Helaena put her hand on your shoulder.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” she grinned,”What was that?”

“You watched that happen, right? That wasn’t all just in my head?”

“Oh, no, it happened, he was shamelessly flirting his ass off. I thought he was going to kiss you!”

“So did I…fuck,” you sighed, biting your lip while fighting a smile and feeling your cheeks heat up.

“He wants you, babe, that was so obvious for everyone to see,” Helaena teased with a huge smile on her face,”If you ask me he’s liked you all along and seeing you with Aegon just gave him that little push he needed to pursue it.”

Helaena’s words made your smile fade and your eyes met hers,”Shit, where’s Aegon?”

[thetriumphantpanda]

The Way You Miss Me | Joel Miller (Chapter Three)

Your father hosts his annual end of summer cookout with the Miller family invited along. When the teasing between you and Joel becomes too much to handle, you sneak away together before talking to Joel about the future.

Pairing | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings | Smut, oral sex (M receiving) and alcohol consumption. Nothing else I can think of.

Word Count | 3.8K

Authors Note | Thank you for all the love and support for this story so far. I'm so glad you're all enjoying it. Things will look a little different next chapter as we all know what September brings don't we? I can't wait for you guys to read what I've got planned for upcoming chapters. If you enjoyed this chapter then please let me know - pop into my ask box with the love, reblog or just like - it makes my day!

The end of summer was fast approaching and with it the sense of doom that the life you’d be living over the summer would soon be gone. It had been three weeks since you’d spent the night with Joel and you were the happiest you think you’d ever been. You’d managed to steal two more nights with him since then and he’d kept good on his promise to not ignore you whenever you’d been looking after Sarah. He’d come in through the door and have you pressed up against the wall in seconds with his lips on yours. 

September was just around the corner which brought with it its own challenges. You’d soon be starting classes for your master’s degree and although you were excited and staying with your dad meant you’d still be able to look after Sarah and see Joel, there was no denying this would change things. You’d be busier with studies and have more obligations away from the little bubble you’d quickly built with Joel. 

Shaking off your thoughts you continued to get ready. It was tradition that your dad held a BBQ at the end of summer, usually always falling on the last weekend in August. This year was no different, all the usual suspects had been invited – your neighbours and some of your dad’s friends from the bar he often went to – you’d invited Emma who had graciously accepted, but this year there would be the addition of Joel, his brother Tommy and Sarah. Your dad had invited them as a thank you for a job well done on their previous project and to thank both Joel and Tommy for agreeing to help on an even bigger project that was coming up. 

It had been a few days since you’d last seen Joel and although you were excited to be able to see him, things would be different. For one, your dad still had no idea there was anything going on between the two of you and you weren’t about to announce it to every man and his dog who decided to come tonight by getting too close to him or risking the desire to touch him. For another, the rest of Joel’s family were there – you didn’t know how much he’d told Tommy, if anything, about the two of you but you were sure Sarah was still oblivious to what was going on and that’s how you intended to keep it. 

You could hear your dad calling you from downstairs. He needed help setting the drinks in the cooler and taking the food out of the fridge. Taking one last look at yourself in the mirror you sighed. You’d picked a thigh length sundress – it was pale blue and sat snugly on your hips and curves. A matching set of nude underwear was on underneath, hoping that at some point in the evening you’d have Joel alone long enough for him to reach a hand up your dress and squeeze your ass. If you couldn’t touch him in public, you were certainly going to tease him instead. 

***

“So, how’re things gonna play with your girl tonight, brother?” 

Joel groaned inwardly, flicking a look in the rear-view mirror to look at Sarah. She had her headphones on and seemed to be in her own world. She didn’t need to hear this conversation. 

“She’s not my girl Tommy,” Joel spoke gruffly, refusing to look at his brother who was driving, “And even if she was, nothin’ would be going on tonight anyway, I’m not stupid.” 

Tommy shot a knowing look in Joel’s direction, “Right, not stupid,” A laugh almost falling from his mouth, “Sleepin’ with the boss’ daughter is definitely not stupid.” 

Joel hit Tommy square on his arm for that, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to act as a warning, “I swear to god you’re a liability Tommy,” He hissed, “You cannot talk like that tonight, okay?” 

“As if I would, old man,” Tommy replied, holding his hands up quickly in a show of surrender before returning them to the wheel, “But she’s definitely your girl Joel, if you’re asking me to babysit Sarah so you can drive around the back streets for hours then she’s definitely something.” 

Joel sighed knowing Tommy was right. The past few weeks had been a whirlwind. Two nights of having you wrapped up in his bed and countless late evenings spent hopping in his truck, parking three streets over from your house and waiting for you. Watching as you slid into the passenger side of his truck and wasted no time in planting your lips to him. Laughing as you both slid into the back seats of his truck to fuck as quickly as humanely possible because he dropped you back at home, spent but aching for me. He had it bad. 

“Look, we’re just tryin’ to take things slow alright?” Joel explained, finally looking at his brother, “Hell, she’s back to school soon so I don’t know, might find someone her own age.” 

Tommy gave a nod and went to open his mouth to say something but ultimately decided to keep his mouth shut, spending the rest of the short drive in silence. When they arrived there were already a fair few trucks parked out the front, at least they didn’t have the awkward situation of being the first there. 

Sarah jumped out of the car first, making sure her bag was slung over her shoulder. Joel went to ask her to take her headphones off but turned around and saw she’d already done it. Tommy grabbed the packs of beers from the trunk and they walked up to the front door. It was propped open so Joel pushed it out and could see right down through the living room and out into the garden where a few people were milling about, beers in hand. 

Tommy gave Joel a slap on the back as he led them through the house and out to the back. 

***

“Ahh boys, so glad you could make it!” 

You watched from your bedroom window as the Miller family arrived into the backyard. Joel and Tommy both gave your dad one of the classic man hug greetings and you watched as your dad outstretched his hand to Sarah who shook it gladly. 

“So are we going to spend all evening hiding up here?” Emma spoke behind you, she was stretched out on your bed with a cigarette sat between her lips, unlit, and a half-finished margarita in her hand, ”Because in about twenty minutes I’ll be gasping for a smoke and my drink will be empty.” 

“Emma you’re not helping.” You groaned, pulling your gaze away from watching Joel bend over the cooler to pick up a beer for him and his brother, “I’m freaking out.” 

“Why?” She asked, turning so she was facing you on one side, “You’ve spoken to this guy hundreds, if not thousands of times, I assume sometimes whilst he’s naked, this is going to be a walk in the park.” 

“Oh my god Emma stop it,” You moaned, plonking yourself down to sit on the floor with your back against the wall, “I’ve never had to speak to him in front of my dad after spending days having sex with him.” 

Emma looked at you before standing up, “We are not doing this, come on!” She exclaimed, pulling at your wrists to pick you up off the floor. 

Before you had a chance to protest, she’d managed to get our arm twisted behind your back and was pushing you out of the bedroom door, only letting go once you’d started down the stairs and had nowhere else to go but out of the backdoor and into the garden. You really did hate her sometimes. 

“Ahhh there she is!” Your father exclaimed when he spotted you and Emma in the garden, “Come and say hello to the Millers.” 

Sarah was the most excited to see you, pulling you into a hug and showing you the nails she’d painted the night before. 

“I used those polishes you gave me; do you like them?” She’d asked, extending her arms so you could look at her hands. 

“They’re lovely, Sarah!” You exclaimed, taking a closer look at the tiny blue flowers she’d attempted to draw on. 

“You must be the lovely girl who relieved me of any and all baby sitting duties,” Joel’s brother spoke once Sarah had moved away to sit with the group of children who’d also been brought with their parents, “Tommy.” He extended his hand. 

You shook it gladly, grateful for any interaction that would keep you from having to look at Joel. You’d never met Tommy before but between your dad and Joel’s stories you knew he could be a handful. Glancing behind you, he would have been just Emma’s type if she hadn’t have recently decided she wanted to explore her sexuality and had promptly realized she liked women more than men. 

“Sorry, I guess I needed the money more than you did.” 

Tommy chuckled before letting your hand drop. Only one person left. Your eyes shifted from Tommy up to his brother who was stood just behind him. 

“Hey Joel.” You spoke quietly, expecting him to outstretch his hand to shake like Tommy had. 

“Hey Darlin’,” He spoke, shocking you completely as he pulled you in for a hug, “How’re you holdin’ up?” 

You stepped back trying to hide the shock on your face that he’d gone for a greeting so physical in nature, “I’m okay,” You answered, “Although I’m thirsty, I’m gonna head in to grab a drink, y’all need anything?” 

Once you’d established that no-one needed anything, you turned on your heel and headed back into the kitchen where Emma was already whipping up a drink. 

“See, that wasn’t too bad was it?” She asked, adding ice into the cocktail shaker, “He hugged you and neither of you spontaneously combusted.” 

You shot her a warning look across the kitchen and island which she in turn gave right back to you as she shook the cocktail, pouring it into two glasses before pushing one towards you, “Now for goodness sake, get that down you and starting having fun.” 

***

You had to admit that with a few of Emma’s margarita’s flowing through your system you’d loosened up a lot. You could now steal glances at Joel from across the garden without your cheeks turning red and the one time he did catch you looking, you were able to share a glance and a wink to each other without squealing. 

Your dad had finally served all the food and the guests were all either stood around eating from plates or sat on the various bits of furniture around the place talking with a drink in their hand. You had to admit it was nice. The sun was just beginning to set, bringing a little breeze to the evening to cool everyone off. You deposited your empty plate on the table in front of you before excusing yourself to go to the bathroom. 

Across the garden, Joel felt Tommy elbow him in the side to grab his attention. 

“What?” Joel asked, turning to face him. 

In a low voice Tommy replied, “Your girl has just gone inside and I swear if you don’t follow her we’re going home, I can’t stand anymore of the eyes you two are makin’ at each other.” 

Joel rolled his eyes at Tommy but had to admit he was right. He’d been stealing glances at you all night. Watching as you spoke to your friend Emma or interacted with Sarah. He’d imagined running his hands up your thighs to cup your ass in that delightful dress you had worn, imagined sneaking off somewhere to put his mouth on your pussy and make you cum as fast as he could. It was a miracle with all the thoughts flowing through his brain that he hadn’t had to excuse himself to the bathroom to calm himself down. He silently handed Tommy his empty plate announcing to the small group they were sat with that he was excusing himself to the bathroom. 

You could hear footsteps coming up the stairs as you washed your hands in the sink. Taking a quick moment to smooth your hair and take aa breath, you opened the door and walked right out to Joel Miller leant against the wall. 

“Hi Joel.” You spoke quietly, letting the bathroom door close behind you. 

“Hey darlin’,” He replied, holding out a hand to you which you took without thinking, letting him pull you close to him, “I’ve wanted to do this all night.” 

You looked up at him as one of his hands slipped around your waist to pull you flush to his body before his mouth was on yours. It was a tender kiss, soft and full of want and when he pulled away you were a little breathless. 

“We have to be careful,” You whispered, “I want you so badly Joel.” 

He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead before cupping your face in his hands, “Everyone is pretty distracted downstairs, I think we could spare a couple of minutes.” 

You looked into his eyes, arousal pooling in your tummy at his suggestion. It was dirty and dangerous to think about fucking him when your dad was just outside but this whole situation had done something to you that you couldn’t explain. You’d never been a risk taker but the thought of letting Joel fuck you when your dad was mere meters away was thrilling. 

You took hold of his hand and dragged him to the end of the hall and into your room. As soon as the door was shut behind you, Joel had you pressed up against the door and was trailing wet, open mouth kisses across your neck and collarbone whilst his hand trailed a light path up your thigh and under your dress. 

“Did you wear this for me darlin’?” Joel asked, “Wanted to get me all worked up thinking about putting my hands underneath this little dress?” 

You let out a soft moan at his words as his hands trailed further up your thigh to rest on your hip whilst his lips continued to kiss over the skin of your neck. 

“You think it’s fun to tease me, huh?” He asked, “Get me all excited to think about bending you over and fucking you?” 

“Joel…” You moaned, “Please baby, I need you to touch me.” 

He gave a chuckle and removed his hands from your hips and his lips from your neck before taking a few steps back from you. You looked at him and couldn’t imagine what you must look like, chest heaving and skin red from excitement. 

“You’ve been a little naughty though darlin’,” He spoke, “I think you need to make it up to me after all that teasing, don’t you think?”  You watched intently as he slowly undid his belt, pulling it through the loops and discarding it on the floor. A smirk grew across your face at his insinuation. He wanted you to suck his dick. You walked slowly over to him and used one of your hands to press it to his chest, pushing him just enough to have him sit on the edge of your bed. 

Joel’s eye didn’t leave yours as he watched you slowly sink to your knees in front of him. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had sucked him off and he was far too excited by the prospect of having your pretty little mouth on him. 

“Take your jeans off.” Your voice was demanding, and Joel did as he was told, undoing the button and the zipper and pushing them down to his ankles along with his underwear. 

You knew you were on the clock and as much as you wanted to spend hours teasing him you knew you didn’t have that luxury. You brought a hand to grip the base of his cock, reveling in the low moan that fell from his lips as you did. You used your hand to move up and down the length of his shaft whilst you peppered kisses to his thighs and abdomen to tease him as much as time would allow. 

“Baby,” you heard a throaty voice speak from above you, “I need you to put me in your mouth.” 

You grinned up at him, more than happy to oblige. You started by locking your lips around the head of his cock, using your tongue to run slow licks around it. Almost immediately you felt Joel’s hand tangle in the hair at the back of your head, gently pressing you forward. You opened your mouth wider and took as much of him down your throat as you could, using your hand to jerk what you couldn’t fit into your mouth. 

“Jesus baby that’s good.” Joel praised from above you. 

You looked up at him through your eyelashes, keeping his gaze locked on yours as you moved your mouth up and down the length of his cock, watching as his breathing got heavier the longer he looked at you. 

“I’m not gonna last long darlin’,” He spoke again, but there was a glint in his eye as he watched you, “How about you let me fuck your mouth baby?” He asked, “I need you to make me cum.” 

“Do what you want Joel.” Was your simple reply. 

He pushed you back a little so he could stand up before guiding his cock back to your mouth. He started off with slow thrusts into your mouth, holding you still with a hand tangled in your hair again. He certainly wasn’t going to last much longer like this, watching down as you swallowed his cock. When he was sure you were used to the sensation he sped up a little, thrusting deeper into your mouth. The feeling of your throat tightening around him when you choked a little had him on the edge in minutes. 

“Darlin’, I’m gonna cum,” He managed to force out of his mouth, “Where do you want me.” He pulled back just long enough for you to answer. 

“I want you in my mouth Joel, I want to know how good you taste.” 

He did as he was told, letting your lips wrap around him once more – his thrusts into your mouth were sloppy and you could tell it would take very little to tip him over the edge so in order to help him out you took one of your free hands to cup his balls, massaging them at the same time as your mouth slid up and down his shaft. Within seconds Joel was moaning and you felt the first ropes of cum settle on your tongue as he held your head still.  

Once Joel was absolutely certain that you’d drained him of what he was worth he pulled himself away from you, watching as you winked at him from your place on your knees. He watched you swallow his cum and stick your tongue out like a child showing their parent they’d finished swallowing a tablet. 

“Jesus darlin’ that was good.” He breathed as he pulled his clothes back on and worked on getting his belt back through the loops. 

He helped you stand, pulling you into a kiss as he did so, “I think if we spend any longer up here people are gonna start talking baby,” He breathed, “I promise I’ll come back later once Sarah is asleep to make sure I say thank you.” 

You smiled at him, taking hold of his hand before bringing it to your pussy, still covered in your underwear. You felt his fingers skim under the fabric under your guidance and watched his eyes widen as he felt how slick you were from just sucking his cock. 

You took his fingers from your pussy and brought them to him mouth with your hand, watching as he licked your wetness from his fingers. 

“Just a little taste of what you’ll get later.” 

***

Later that evening just as he’d promised, Joel had waited in his truck in your usual place before driving out of town. He’d made good on his promise to say thank you, spreading you out on the backseat to eat your pussy. He’d kept you there for what felt like hours, coaxing three orgasms from you, before he made you sit on his lap to ride him where he’d managed to pull another two orgasms from you before finishing himself. 

You were spread out, leaning against his back with his arms around you in the backseat of his truck, enjoying the silence of the countryside. 

“What are you thinking about, darlin’?” He asked, running a hand through your loose hair.

“That I don’t want this summer to end,” You answered honestly, “Everything is going to change isn’t it?” 

“It is?” Joel asked back, “Sure you’re gonna be busy with school but you’ll still be around, you can babysit Sarah when you’ve got time and I promise I’ll make as much time as I can to see you.” 

“Don’t you just wish things could have been different?” You ask.

“How so?”  “I mean, maybe I could have been older or met you normally at a bar or something, instead of you having to be my dad’s friend and colleague,” You were thinking out loud at this point, “I just wish we didn’t have to sneak around like this, I just want everyone to know you’re mine.” 

You felt Joel sigh behind you, and you were worried you’d overstepped the mark until he started talking again, “I don’t think I’d change a thing,” He answered honestly, “All that matters is that we’re here, together. Sure, it’s unconventional and all hell will break loose once we decide to tell other people, but I want to enjoy this while we can.” 

He pressed a kiss to the side of your temple before glancing at the clock in the front of the car, “I should get you back darlin’.” 

You lifted your head to look up at him, Joel opting to plant a chaste kiss on your lips before you both moved to put your clothes back on and head home. 

One the drive back Joel held onto your hand with the one he wasn’t using to drive, “I promise you darlin’ this will be fine,” You turned to look at him, “I wanna do right by you and I promise once we’ve started on this job with your dad I’ll find a way for us to tell people.” 

All too soon his truck was parked a few streets over from your home and it was time to leave, Joel pressed one last kiss to your mouth and then to the hand that was still clasped in his own. 

“Goodnight darlin’,” He said, “I’ll see you soon, I promise.” 

“Goodnight Joel.” 

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[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 36 (Home Renovation & A New Routine)

The first thing Heather did with the Landgraabs' money was hire contractors to add a second story to her home. Her son was small enough for now and his crib still fit in the living room, but their one-bedroom home would only get smaller as he grew, so she added two new bedrooms (one for Ash, one for guests) and a second bathroom.

She didn't really have an eye for design, but she knew she liked green and yellow and decorated accordingly. The money from Malcolm was meant as an investment in their son’s future and this home expansion certainly qualified, but she was determined to grow her business and raise the rest of the 175,000 on her own. Even though she was a long way from independence, she began to dream of the day she could rebrand the clinic under her own name.

Per Heather and Malcolm's agreement, Heather would keep primary custody, but Ash would spend some weekends with his father in San Myshuno, and the first weekend crept up on Heather with so much to do at work. She dreaded being separated from her son, least of all so he could spend a weekend under the influence of Nancy Landgraab.

"It's fine. This is healthy even though it's hard." She gave herself a pep talk before she left for the city with her son, then stopped in to visit her family at Fountainview Penthouse before they were due at the Landgraabs.

Her Uncle Karl and his husband Mortimer greeted them warmly. "Ash looks like you," said Mortimer kindly, but Heather thought she heard a hint of relief in his voice. Was it because of the curse? The less he looked like a Landgraab, the better?

Catching her mind wandering about the old tale, she admonished herself for taking it so seriously. It's just a name, and curses aren't real. She forced herself to repeat the thought like a mantra.

Holly was still wearing her deep-sea fishing uniform when they arrived after her workday. She talked excitedly about the job she loved as her nephew bounced to Mortimer's old school records in her arms. "The catches in the bay are so huge they could eat the fish swimming through the River Bagley! And Kris' work as an art critic is beginning to get attention. Every piece he writes is better than the last!" Ash wriggled from her arms to wiggle on the floor.

"He loves music, I guess," noted Holly's husband, Kris. "Didn't you say Malcolm was a music fan."

Heather nodded, anxious to imagine her son inheriting more traits from his father. Music was one of the many interests she and Malcolm never shared. Even though she listened to music growing up, she always preferred quieter surroundings.

(I like when my sims pick their own faves. Eventually I just had to give her a favourite -Focus Music fyi- because I waited until YA to see what music she ended up liking, and the only music preference she ever developed was that she hates alternative.)

The only time she ever sought out music was to focus on projects for school, and her brother always said ambient sounds weren't really music, anyway. Heather was fine with that, but Malcolm never understood why she didn't know anything about all the hottest new bands and singers. "He used to say I grew up under a pretty little rock in our tiny little hometown."

"Malcolm's a jerk," said Kris, and Holly nodded in emphatic agreement. "But your son's pretty cute. Maybe we should have one, Hols."

Holly beamed. "I've already reached the top of my career, so I'm ready whenever you are. I've been ready!"

Heather knew her generous sister and her high school sweetheart would make wonderful parents when the time was right, but for now she had to leave them. "Ash and I have to go. Nancy will be such a pill if I'm late."

Despite her fear, Heather knew she had no choice but to adapt to this new routine with the Landgraabs. ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start

[zeebee3]

AO3 tag game

Thank you for tagging me @so-scarlett-maroon!

How many works do you have on AO3? 43

What's your total AO3 word count? 926,285

What fandoms do you write for? Harry Potter (at least nowadays)

Top five fics by kudos:

(All are Dramione and rated explicit)

You Do It For Me- WIP, currently 44 chapters and 200+k. 8th year, Draco learns that Hermione has never had an orgasm, so offers to help her. It's a story of who-fell-first/who-fell-harder, lazy river romance and friend group hangs. Lots of games, banter, and yet somehow still basically pure smut.

Would You Rather - The first smutty one (ahem four)-shot I ever wrote! 4 chapters, 14.5k, complete. Draco antagonizes Hermione into playing 'would you rather' while working on a joint assignment in the library. He doesn't think women wank and Hermione decides to prove him wrong.

A Good Landing- 2 chapters, 14.5k, complete. The five times Hermione accidentally sat on Draco's lap, and the one time she meant to. Post-Hogwarts, friend group hijinks, and Hermione has a secret piercing.

It Was A Sunny Day- One-shot, 7.4k, complete. Auror Hermione needs help retrieving a memory from a mission she went on. Auror Draco is sent to use legilimency to retrieve it. This is entirely an excuse for me to write legilimency smut, feat accidental stimulation, dry humping/cockwarming, and a successful assignment.

Baby, Anytime You're Ready, I'm Yours - 11 chapters, 27k, complete. Post-Hogwarts intermixing Slytherin-Gryffindor friend group goes on a weekend holiday. Draco is in love but Hermione thinks they're just best friends. Rom-com vibes, found family vibes, and one of my favorite scenes I've ever written 🤭

Do you respond to comments? I really, really try my best! It's hard to stay on top of them sometimes but I've made so many friends via my comment section and it's such a fun place to interact with the fandom! But it's a time commitment and sometimes I get super behind 😭

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably Disturbingly Capable. It has an open-ending and that's usually pretty angsty, plus it's a Death Eater Draco/Order Member Hermione fic so that's always a little angsty. Ooh either that or A Gentle Haunting, which is a retelling of Ginny's possession by Riddle's diary.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest endings? Most of my fics have happy endings so it's hard to decide which is happiest. But possibly one of the ones that ended in proposals? Those were super sappy/happy (Just The Lightest Touch (Hinny), An Indecent Proposal (Panville)). OH or Kindling. That one ends with Draco ending his five years agonized pining, so he's pretty freaking happy.

Do you get hate on fics? Not that I've seen (and I sure don't look for it). I get comments softly demanding things sometimes but none that are aggressively rude or hurtful. I've been super lucky to have the nicest, most supportive readers 🥹🫶

Do you write smut? It's arguably the only thing I write 🙃

Craziest crossover? I've never written a crossover, though I'm currently writing a Formula One crossover so I guess that one!

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yeah, a few times that I've been informed of (and thank you to the detectives out there who spot them!). So far, they've always been Drarryified which is, frankly, hilarious to me since Harry and Hermione are NOT a one-for-one replacement, nor is Drarry Draco anything like Dramione Draco imo. But I digress.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! You Do It For Me is being translated into Chinese here, which is very cool.

Have you ever co-written a fic? No, but I've co-planned a fic and one day we shall write it!!!!

All time favorite ships? Dramione is creeping up as my top favorite, but Drarry is a close second. Dreomione is also a delight. I'm a sucker for rare pairs, too, and will pretty much read any pairing once.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you will? Look. I can't let myself doubt it. It has to be finished. AND IT WILL BE. (I'm looking at you, Balance & Oppose 🥹🫶). I do have a veritable fuckton of unfinished wips in my drafts though, none of which have ever been posted, so I'm sure one of them in there will never actually be finished. But again...I'll never say never.

What are my writing strengths? What I find easiest to write are smut scenes, relationship dynamics, dialogue, and carrying the flow. Are those what I'm strongest in? idk man.

What are your writing weakness? Having any fcking idea where a story is going before I start, and therefore inevitably leaving loose threads along the way.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I don't mind reading it as long as the context around it makes sense, but if it's a full convo that I need to check the end notes for, it's less enticing.

First Fandom that you wrote in? Mistborn

Favorite fic(s) you've written? Balance & Oppose is the fic I put the most effort into and for that, it always has a top spot in my heart. You Do It For Me is my favorite of fics I'm actively writing. And my favorite completed fic is probably There's Nobody Like You (BlaisexRon) or Say Please (tattoo artist Draco).

If you made it to the end, I admire your tenacity! 👏🏻

I'm tagging @smolbangs, @goldenbuckyyy, @willowingscribe, @sultrynuns, @youhavemyswordandmybow (if tag games aren't you're thing, no worries!)

[persephonewritessometimes]

me and the devil / unsub!hotch x reader / chapter four

Summary: Hotch gets called on a case and has no one to watch Jack. Y/N volunteers and finds herself as a babysitter for a few days. [exposition building!]

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x AFAB Reader

Word Count: 8141

Warnings: MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY, ANATOMY TERMINOLOGY, CHILD BIRTH [not too graphic but I will give a warning and a following summary for those who don't want to read it!], MENTIONS OF DEAD PARENT, MENTION OF BEING ABANDONED BY A PARENT one use of fuck, domestic!reader, jack is too cute for his own good

Key: y/n = your name

Author's Note: jesus fuck i'm so sorry i didn't get this out sooner!! finals wrecked my motivation and i hate plot buildingXD hopefully you guys enjoy, i've got some fun things planned for this story coming up!

me and the devil series masterlist

This work is meant for readers aged 18 and over. You are responsible for your own media consumption.

I got the call that my car had been repaired and was ready for me to pick up the morning after I made Hotch spend the night. We coordinated with Morgan to make sure all the cars got back to where they needed to go and I no longer had to rely on Hotch’s decommissioned SUV to get me places. I would lie if I say I don’t miss it though - I felt like a badass secret agent in that car. I ended up having to skip Morgan’s self-defense class on Saturday due to Tia having a boyfriend emergency, well, now an ex-boyfriend emergency, and because of that, I was busy all weekend. I promised Hotch I would go to the next one, knowing he’ll hold me to it.

I haven’t seen Hotch for over a week now, but he texted me and let me know that they had been called on a case halfway across the country so he doesn’t know when he’ll be back. I’m disappointed, but I know Hotch has to work just like everyone else. It’s a dull weekend at the club due to poor weather - I didn’t even want to go because it was so dreary. I go to bed early Sunday night, exhausted from work and school. My phone blares in my ear the next morning - someone’s calling me. What the hell? I’m disoriented, as I furrow through my blankets to find my phone, and when I finally get ahold of it, I see that it’s Hotch. It’s unusual for him to call me this early, and a glance at the clock tells me it’s just before 8:00 AM.

“Hello?” I say into the phone, voice scratchy from sleep.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry to ask you for this, but we just got called on another case and Jess is in California this week and I have no one to watch Jack. I’ll pay you well, I just need someone to watch him for a couple of days. I’m so sorry.” He’s rambling and it’s kind of amusing to hear his stoic facade disappear for a second.

“Hotch, slow down, it’s fine. I don’t mind watching Jack, I like kids.” I say, and I can hear him let out a sigh of relief.

“You just saved my life.”

“Well, if I’m counting right, that’s the second time I’ve saved your life,” I say, smiling.

“You’ve got me there. I’ll text you the address. Oh, and you can bring Cujo, Jack loves animals.” He hangs up the phone and a few seconds later my text tone chimes, and sure enough, he’s already sent me the address. I rub my eyes for a few seconds. I’m usually not awake at this ungodly hour. When I’ve collected myself a little bit and feel more coherent, I get out of bed, Cujo cocking his head as he looks at me, like he’s also confused as to why I’m up this early I laugh a little.

“It’s okay boy, we’re just gonna go stay somewhere else for a few days.” He huffs and puts his head back down. I grab the duffel bag from underneath my bed and throw in a couple of outfits and a pair of scrubs haphazardly. I pack up my toiletries in the bathroom and grab Cujo’s food and travel dishes from the kitchen. Thankfully I didn’t unpack my backpack after studying at the library yesterday, so I don’t have to worry about packing that as well. My clinical bag is also waiting by the door. I call Cujo to the front door and he whines but gets out of bed to join me. I slip him into his travel harness and leash before slinging my backpack over my shoulders and grabbing my overnight bag and clinical bag. I feel kind of stupid trying to lock my door with what feels like my entire apartment packed into my three bags. I slowly make my way down the stairs, mindful of the leash - I can see myself wiping out if I take one wrong move, and that would be embarrassing to have to explain to Hotch.

I get Cujo clipped in in the back seat and put my bags there too. I drive to Hotch’s house as quickly as the speed limit allows. He sounded so panicked over the phone and I know he thinks he’s inconveniencing me, but he’s letting me bring Cujo, so why would I be inconvenienced? I pull into his driveway right next to his SUV and get out of my car and wave hello to him as I go to get my stuff from the backseat. My backpack finds its way back onto my shoulders and I unlatch Cujo from his hook in the backseat and click the leash back on. He hops out of the car, surveying his new surroundings. I’m reaching to grab my duffel bag and clinical bag when a large hand grabs both of them before I can get to them.

“I’ve got them.” He says, chest very close to mine when I turn around and look up at him.

“Thanks,” I say breathlessly. I shut my car door and lock the car, following Hotch into the house.

“Jack’s at school right now, but the bus drops him off at 3:00 PM and picks him up at 7:50 AM. He does have the day off tomorrow, some kind of makeup snow day, and I was hoping to be here so I could spend it with him.” He trails off and I can tell that he’s embarrassed.

“Hotch, it’s okay, I don’t mind.”

“I already called the school so Jack knows you’re here. This isn’t really how I wanted you two to meet, but it’ll have to do.”

“How did you want us to meet?” His cheeks turn pink at my question and he deftly changes the subject.

“You have my number, call me if you need anything. I should be back late Wednesday night. Jack’s a sweetheart, so you should be fine.” I nod and he gives me a quick tour of the house, pointing out the guest bedroom, giving me a guide to the alarm system, and the garage door codes.

“One question.”

“Yes?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you a ‘no animals on the couch’ kind of person? Because that might be an issue.” He laughs, and says,

“Animals are welcome on the couch.”

“Good. Now get out of here, I know you have a flight to catch.” He hesitates, face torn, and I add quietly, “Hotch, it’s okay, I can do this, I want to do this. Go do your job - catch the bad guy.”

“I can’t thank you enough for doing this.” He presses a spare key in my hand, kisses my cheek, and is out of the door in minutes. I lock the door after him and slip the spare key next to my house key on my keyring. Hopefully, I won’t get them mixed up.

The house is very quiet now that Cujo and I are the only one’s here. I’m not usually a nosy person, but as the minutes drag on I feel the urge to explore the house getting stronger. I worry my lip for a few seconds, torn between respecting Hotch’s privacy and satisfying my curiosity, but I ultimately give in, padding around the house and checking it out with more attention. I steer clear of the master bedroom, having to set a boundary for myself, plus I know the room will smell like him - slightly minty with a hint of evergreen and something that’s just man, just him - and I know the smell would make what’s left of my rational thoughts flee my mind. I find my way into his study, the large mahogany desk imposing and clear of any papers. All the drawers are locked, but at least three hundred books are in the surrounding bookcases. I look at the titles, but most of them don’t catch my eye, just textbooks, studies, and other papers of that kind. What does catch my eye are the dozen Harlan Coben novels. I’m not much of a reader, what with school and work, but I used to read Harlan Coben novels when I had the time. I run my fingers over the spines, recognizing a few titles, but the majority are new to me. I chew on my lip debating if Hotch would care if I read one and conclude that he wouldn’t.

I pull The Innocent off of the shelf, tucking it under my arm and retreating from the office. I settle down on the plush couch, Cujo already asleep on it and open the book. I don’t put it down until a few hours later, and only because my stomach started rumbling. I dig around in my backpack for a piece of paper and tear off an edge, using it as a makeshift bookmark while I snoop in the kitchen. Hotch told me to help myself to anything, and this man splurges on his groceries. I finally settle on a DIY charcuterie board, having cut up a couple of types of cheese, some lunch meat, and fresh fruit. I grab my book from the couch and hold it open with one hand while I eat with the other. I’m sucked in - I can’t put the book down. I love mysteries and this one with an ex-convict as an accidental murderer has my full attention. I finish the book in the early afternoon and carefully place it back into its rightful spot in the study. I force myself to not pull another book down, knowing that I have to work on homework now.

“I’ll come back for you later,” I whisper to the books.

I check the time - I have two hours until Jack gets home, a perfect amount of time for me to get some homework done. I’m currently in my OBGYN rotation, and there’s so much information I need to know for my final, which is only two months from now. I lose myself in flashcards and textbook passages when I hear the unmistakable sound of a school bus. I scramble to get off the couch, having been buried in my papers. I walk towards the door and open it, leaning against the door frame as I watch Jack get off, wave bye to the bus driver, and run up the driveway with a huge smile on his face. I smile to myself as he gets closer and then slows down.

“Hi, Y/N! I’m so excited to meet you!” He says, out of breath. 

“I’m excited to meet you too, Jack.” I move out of the way and he rushes inside. Cujo, having heard the commotion, hops off the couch and trots towards the small boy.

“YOU HAVE A DOG?” He exclaims, dropping his bag in the entryway as Cujo greets him with sniffing and wet kisses. Jack giggles when Cujo licks his cheek and he’s petting him eagerly.

“His name is Cujo, and it looks like he likes you!” I say, smiling.

“Well, I love him!” Jack pets him for a few more moments before saying, “Wait! I think I have a tennis ball in my room, can I play out back with him?”

“Of course!” Jack runs off to his room and I kiss Cujo on the head and whisper,

“Good boy.” Jack comes back seconds later and we head outside to the fenced-in backyard. Cujo sprints around the yard - we don’t have a space like this in my complex. Jack starts to play fetch with Cujo and his giggles every time Cujo drops the ball at his feet are infectious. I sit in one of the chairs on the back porch - the weather has taken a turn for the better today, the sun shining bright and the weather is actually kind of warm. I find myself lost in thought and think about this house. It’s beautiful, yes, but I would think it’s a show home due to the pristineness. The only giveaway that someone lives here is the family pictures. The air inside the house is stale, I noticed it as I was studying. As if there’s no life in the house.

“Jack, I’m gonna open some windows if that’s okay,” I call to him, “Does your dad ever open the windows?”

“Not really!”

“Well, I’ll open up a couple, get a nice cross breeze in here.” I head inside, always keeping an eye on Jack, and open some windows. They creak and groan from disuse, but even with just a few open the house feels more inviting. After about twenty minutes, Jack comes back inside, Cujo trailing behind him and I fix him a snack when he says he’s hungry. He’s watching me, and I’m watching him, both of us trying to look busy. He reminds me of his father - eyes always alert and watching for something.

“What do you do?”

“I’m a nursing student.”

“So you heal sick people.”

“Well, I try to.”

“That’s really cool! How do you know my dad?” I freeze a little bit, not sure what to tell him.

“We…met at a bar,” I fib a little, “He actually helped me get away from some bad guys.”

“Yeah, he’s cool like that,” Jack says with a smile.

“You got any homework?”

“Yeah. Math. It’s confusing though.”

“Want some help? I mostly do medication conversions these days, but I’m sure I could help a little bit.”

“Yeah!” He runs off to grab his backpack from the entryway and comes back to the kitchen table, pushing his bowl away and pulling out a paper. I glance at it, and luckily it’s something I do know - addition and subtraction. “Once I find the answer it makes sense, but sometimes I get confused on the subtraction. Especially the double digits.”

“Hmmm, let’s see here.” I watch him struggle with the first problem, not having enough fingers on his hands to get to the correct answer. “I have an idea.” I open a bunch of drawers until I find something I saw earlier. I pull out a jar of peanuts and open them. Jack laughs.

“What are you doing?”

“Just watch! Okay, look at the first problem, 12 - 5.” I dig out a handful of peanuts and put them on the table. “Okay, count out 12 peanuts.” Jack laughs a little but does it anyway. “Great, now if you were to take away 5 more peanuts, what would you have?” Jack grabs five of the peanuts and removes them from the pile. He counts them and shouts,

“Seven!”

“That’s right! Let’s do the next problem.” By the end of the worksheet, he’s got a better grasp on the idea, and in the last three problems he doesn’t even use the peanuts to solve the problems. “Good job!” I say and he holds out his hand for a high five. I smack it lightly, and he says,

“You have a weak high five.”

“Do you want a do-over?” I say.

“Yes!” I only hold back a little bit this time and he whoops when our hands meet. “Now that’s a high five!” He shakes his hand a little bit afterward, and I feel bad about it. “Do you have homework too?”

“Yes, my homework is never ending, it seems. But I graduate this semester, so no more homework after that!”

“Do you need help with your homework?”

I laugh a little, “I don’t know if my homework is appropriate for you, buddy. I’m learning about mommies and babies right now. Gross stuff.”

“Ew! I don’t want to look at that!” I laugh again.

“How about I put on a movie for you and I’ll do my homework while you watch it? Is Star Wars okay?”

“I love Star Wars!”

“Good! Let me get it in the DVD player. Which one do you want?”

“Return of the Jedi!”

“Good pick, that’s my favorite one.”

“You like Star Wars?” He looks at me with wide eyes.

“Of course! My dad used to watch them with me all the time.” I walk into the living room, grab ‘Return of the Jedi’ from the entertainment center, and put it in the DVD player. It takes me a few seconds to figure out how to get the TV on the right setting, but I eventually figure it out. Jack sits on the couch, and Cujo gets up on it as well, putting his head in his lap. I watch as Jack watches the movie, absentmindedly petting Cujo on the head, who’s fast asleep. I bury myself in my studies again, knowing I have about an hour and a half to do so.

I’ve gone through my flashcards so many times it feels like I can’t stuff any more information in my brain. I finally sigh and paperclip them back together and set them to the side. I turn my focus to the movie - Luke Skywalker has just turned himself in to be taken to Emperor Palpatine. I watch the rest of the movie with Jack and when it’s done, he looks at me and asks,

“What’s for dinner?”

“That’s a great question. What are you hungry for?” He thinks for a couple of seconds.

“Chicken nuggets?”

“Great pick. I’ll go get them in the oven.” I gather up my things and put them back in my backpack - Jack doesn’t need to see a diagram of a woman spread eagle and crowning, that might haunt him for years.

I’m in the kitchen getting dinner ready, also throwing some frozen french fries I found in the freezer on the sheet pan. I’ve just put them in the oven when I hear from behind me,

“Are you my dad’s girlfriend?” I blink a few times before turning to face him.

“Um, we’re just friends.”

“Do you want to be my dad’s girlfriend?” He asks, widening his eyes. Oh come on I haven’t even asked myself that question yet!

“I…don’t know,” I answer truthfully. I don’t want to lie to him again.

“Well, he likes you.” I can’t hide the surprise that flashes across my face. The curiosity to know exactly what Hotch has mentioned about me is too strong and I find myself asking,

“And how do you know that?” The words are out before I can stop myself.

“He told me he met a really pretty girl who makes him laugh. He said that you’re captivating and he can’t stop thinking about you.” My cheeks are boiling.

“He told you this?” Jack turns sheepish at that and shakes his head no.

“I overheard him talking to Uncle Rossi about it.”

“Oh, so you were eavesdropping?” I say with a smile and his indignation makes me laugh.

“No! I was just listening!”

“Mhmm.”

“I swear! Don’t tell him I told you, he doesn’t even know that I know.”

“I won’t tell him, I promise.”

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise,” I say, wrapping my pinky around his and squeezing tight. He sits down at the table and watches me as I cut up some fresh fruit.

“I like you. You’re nice. And you like Star Wars.”

“Thank you. I like you too, you’re fun to be around.” I say back and he smiles. It’s quiet until the oven timer goes off and I use an oven mitt to get the sheet pan out. I let it sit for a few minutes, knowing that if I plate the chicken nuggets and fries now, I’ll burn my mouth, and Jack probably will too. Jack is impatient as we wait for the nuggets to cool down, asking every few seconds if they’re ready yet. After dinner, Jack gets in the shower and I close up the windows, the air already feeling much better inside the house. I take Cujo outside to use the bathroom and clean up after him. When I come back inside Jack is out of the shower and in dinosaur-print pajamas.

“Oh, I like your pajamas!” I say with a smile and he grins up at me. “I have dinosaur pajamas too!” His eyes widen and his mouth drops open.

“You? Have dinosaur pajamas?” I chuckle at his dumbfounded expression.

“Yes, I have dinosaur pajamas. They’re actually in my bag right now, do you want to see them?” He nods furiously and follows me to the guest room. I dig them out and show them to him. Pink and purple stegosaurus, velociraptors, and triceratops cover the top and bottoms, and he laughs when he sees them.

“You have girl dinosaurs!”

“Hey! Boys can like pink and purple too!” He’s laughing at my pajamas and I can’t help but laugh too. “Come on, let's get you to bed,” I say and throw my pajamas on the guest bed. He grumbles but listens to me, and when I tuck him into bed he says,

“Thanks, Y/N. See you in the morning.” He yawns and rubs his eyes.

“Goodnight, Jack. I’ll see you in the morning!” I almost trip over a toy truck making my way back to the door of his room, and I shut off the light and shut the door behind me. Now it’s my turn for a shower. I shower with efficiency, wanting nothing more than to climb into bed. My thoughts wander as I do so, and I wonder how Hotch feels about having such an involved job while also having Jack. I think it would be hard. I get out of the shower and went through my skincare routine before I slip into my pajamas and get in bed.

Tuesday morning comes quickly, and thanks to Jack having the day off we get to sleep in for a little bit. He finally pulls me out of bed around 9:30, and I complain the entire time, which he just laughs at. I make us french toast for breakfast, which Jack fervently declares his love for, and then get dressed. I have one lecture today, Adult Health 4, and it’s at eleven.

“Jack, I know you don’t have school today, but I have school today, so here’s what we’re gonna do. You’re gonna come to class to me, but we’re going to bring your portable DVD player and bring a movie or two, as my class is two hours.”

“TWO HOURS?” He exclaims. “For one class?” I laugh.

“Yes, college isn’t really fun.”

“I bet!” We get ready and I make sure everything that I need is packed and we have Jack’s DVD player with a pair of headphones. He grabs A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, and we climb into my car. I make him sit in the backseat, as I don’t have a car seat for him and drive slowly to Stafford Hospital, where all of my classes are being held this semester. I park in the farthest lot, as is our rule since we are guests at the Hospital, and sling on my backpack. It’s unusually hot today, and sticky, and Jack starts to complain the moment his feet hit the asphalt.

“Y/N, please, will you carry me? It’s hoooot.” He whines.

“Jack, you’re six, I think you can walk.” He drags his feet and I concede. “Fine, come on. I hoist him up on my hip and he wraps his legs around me, resting his head in the crook of my shoulder. I want to curse but he’s being cute so I’ll let it slide. I wrap my arms around him, supporting him, and make the long trek to the hospital. Sweat is sliding down my temple when the doors slide open and I step inside. Jack sighs at the sudden cold air. “Think you can walk now, buddy?” He nods and I set him down, but he takes my hand as we make our way through the hospital and up to the second floor.

“It’s so bright in here!” Jack says, eyes wildly tracking all the people we pass. We make our way into the small lecture room, and I get Jack and me situated in two seats in the back corner.

“Y/N! Who’s your friend?” Jenna says, making her way over to us.

“I’m Jack!” Jack says with a grin, bouncing in his seat.

“Nice to meet you, Jack. I’m Jenna!” Jenna looks at me with raised eyebrows and mutters, “Do you have a kid we don’t know about?”

I chuckle, “No, he’s my…friend’s kid. I’m just watching him while his dad is out of town.”

“Well, you two must be really good friends,” Jenna says and winks at me, and my cheeks grow hot. Jack soon commandeers the attention of the whole class and he’s telling them all about playing fetch with Cujo yesterday. Dr. Pratt comes in shortly thereafter, and even she cannot resist Jack’s infectious energy. We start class ten minutes late because of it. I get Jack’s DVD player set up and his headphones plugged in and he’s contently watching Star Wars while I’m frantically taking notes on Dr. Pratt’s lecture and asking questions at every opportunity. Jack quietly asks for a snack about halfway through, and I’m glad that I keep a bag of Goldfish in my bag for emergencies. Thankfully, the pictures aren’t graphic today so I don’t have to worry about scarring Jack for the rest of his life. Class is over before I know it, and as everyone is packing up, I tell Jack I’ll be right back.

“Dr. Pratt?” I ask.

“Yes, Y/N? What can I do for you?”

“I’m really sorry about Jack. His dad didn’t have anyone else to watch him so I volunteered.” Dr. Pratt chuckles.

“Y/N, Jack was lovely, feel free to bring him again if you’d like. He was not a problem at all.” I let out a breath and thank her, making my way through the now almost empty room to pack my stuff up. Jack pauses his movie, yawns, and stretches, and I put his DVD player away.

“What do you say we get lunch, buddy?” I ask Jack as we make our way out of the hospital and into the humid air.

“Yes! Lunch lunch lunch!” He practically skips back to the car, I help him in, set my backpack in the passenger seat, get in the driver’s seat, and he’s suddenly quiet.

“Jack? You okay?” He looks shy as I glance back at him in the rearview mirror.

“Can we get McDonald’s?” He asks, his voice quiet.

“You know what, yeah, we can get McDonald’s!” He cheers and I smile to myself as I put the car in drive and make my way to the nearest McDonald’s. I get him a chicken nugget kid’s meal, as per his request, and I get my favorite meal from McDonald’s. Jack asked if we could get hot fudge sundaes, and I couldn’t resist, so those may have snuck into our order. By the time we’re done with lunch, it’s almost 2:00 PM, and Jack is falling asleep in his chair. “You need a nap?” I ask, and he furiously shakes his head no. I laugh, “Well, I think I need a nap, let’s get you home, okay?”

Sure enough, he falls asleep in the car on the drive home, not rousing as I gently carry him to his room. I run back to the car to get my backpack, not wanting it to get stolen from my car, and I put on a tank top and shorts, open a few windows, and take Cujo out back. I fall asleep in a plastic chair while sitting in the shade, and wake up when Jack shakes my arm.

“Y/N, wake up!”

“Huh? Oh, hi.” I say and rub my eyes. “What time is it?”

“Four o’clock!”

“Oh jeez, we slept for a long time!”

“Play legos with me, please?” I nod and stretch my stiff body as I get up from the chair. Jack drags his legos into the living room, we play for about an hour, Jack makes a Lego car, while I make a little house. My build looks shoddy and colorful, while Jack’s is more put together than mine.

The rest of the evening is quiet. I make dinner - frozen pizza this time - and afterward, Jack takes a shower, and I let him know the plan for tomorrow.

“So, you have to go back to school tomorrow.” Jack groans. “I know, it’s no fun. Your dad says the bus picks you up at 7:50, I’ll be up way before that, I have to go to clinical tomorrow so I have to get ready for that.” He looks confused.

“What’s clinical?”

“Oh! It’s hands-on learning. So I shadow a nurse in the hospital and they teach me the ropes. It’s really fun!”

“Cool!”

“Okay, so, I’ll see you off on the bus. My clinical gets out at 2:00, so I’ll be home before you get home.”

“Okay.” Jack yawns. I tuck him in.

“Goodnight, Jack.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.” This time when I leave, I make note of the toy truck so I don’t almost trip over it again. I take a quick shower after I lock the house up and close the windows. I lay out my scrubs for tomorrow, and make sure my clinical bag is packed and ready to go. I set my alarm for 6:30 AM, already dreading it, but I’m asleep soon after my head hits the pillow.

Wednesday morning is a blur. I’m frantically making breakfast, trying to eat it, let Cujo outside, then back inside, fill up his food dish and water dish, get Jack ready for school while also keeping an eye on the time, and by the time Jack gets on the bus I feel like I need a nap. I don’t have time for one though, as I’m out of the door by 8:00 AM.

-START OF CLINICAL DAY, THEREFORE MEDICAL TERMS AND CHILDBIRTH -

When I get to the hospital, I shuck my clinical bag over my shoulder and once again make the long trek from the back parking lot to the front entrance. The Labor and Delivery, or L&D, unit is on the third floor, and I swipe my badge to get in before I meet Dr. Anshaw in our meeting room. I’m shadowing Erin today, who’s a nurse practitioner and can deliver babies by herself if the need arises, and I get my shift change notes from her before meeting our patient in room seven.

“Angie? Is it okay if I bring in Y/N, my student nurse?” I hear Erin ask from inside the room as I patiently wait outside.

“Of course, bring as many students as you want!” Angie says with a laugh. I step into the room and introduce myself.

“Hello, Angie, my name is Y/N Y/L/N and I’m going to be your student nurse today. Can I please get your full name and date of birth?”

“Angie Lewis, January 8th, 1980.”

“Perfect,” I say as I check her wristband. “Do you know where you are right now?”

“Stafford Hospital. And it’s early spring.” She says, winking at me.

“You’re ahead of the game! On a scale of 1 to 10, one being no pain at all and ten being the worst pain you’ve felt in your life, where are you at right now?”

“Probably a six.”

“Erin, what stage is she in?” I ask as I turn to wash my hands in the sink on the wall.

“Almost to active labor. She was 5cm the last time I checked.”

“Angie, are we excited to meet the baby?” I ask and smile at her.

“So excited!”

“Are you a first-time mom?” 

“Second time!”

“So this one will be a breeze!” I wink at her and she laughs.

“Well, hopefully, my husband won’t pass out this time!” I laugh at that.

“Happens a lot more than you think!” I pull on a pair of gloves and look to Erin for reassurance. “Is it okay if I check your cervix, to see how dilated you are?”

“Go right ahead, sweetie.” She gives me a soft smile and it eases my nerves a little bit. I check her cervix.

“Almost at six! You’re about to hit active labor!” I discard my gloves and wash my hands again as Erin double-checks and affirms what I felt.

“We’ll be back in a little bit, Angie. Hit the call button if you need us!” Erin says, and I trail her out the door. “Very nice, Y/N, she’s comfortable around you.” I get sheepish at that.

“I just like what I do, that’s all,” I say and shrug, and Erin smiles at me before saying,

“Don’t downplay your abilities. You’re already a wonderful nurse.” I help her with some charting in the break room and about an hour later I’m knocking on Angie’s door to see how she’s doing.

“Angie, how are we doing?” I’m met with the sound of controlled breathing - her husband is currently coaching her through a contraction. I’m washing my hands and pulling on gloves as they finish.

“I’m okay. Active labor hit about ten minutes ago I think. Contractions are stronger and closer together, the pressure in my back is killing me.” She says. “Richard, can you put my hair in a braid please?”

Her husband jumps to her aid, pulling a hair tie off of his wrist and holding it in between his teeth as he braids her hair. Once he’s done I ask Angie if I can check her cervix again.

“Seven centimeters, you are moving along quite quickly, Angie!”

“Thank god, I feel like I’ve been pregnant forever.” She lets out a breathless laugh.

“Are we wanting an epidural?” I ask, discarding my gloves and washing my hands again. Angie shakes her head no. “Erin and I will be in a half hour. Use your call light if you need us or change your mind about that epidural, okay?” She nods, relaxing back on the bed, in between contractions.

Thirty minutes fly by, and Erin checks in on Angie, her contractions are about four minutes apart still, and she’s only 8cm dilated. Another thirty minutes go by, and Angie is now 9cm dilated and feeling a lot of pressure in her back and butt.

“Y/N?” Angie asks, wiping her forehead. “Will you stay with me? I’d feel better if I had a nurse here. I have a feeling it’s going to happen soon.”

“Of course, I’ll stay with you,” I say, pulling up a chair. Angie begins to distract herself, telling me stories of her other child, Lily, who turns four in a couple of months. She stops when the contractions hit, then resumes her stories. They seem to calm her down, and Richard chimes in now and then. It’s not very long after before Angie says,

“I feel like I need to push.” I jump up, press the call light, wash my hands, and put gloves on. Erin walks in.

“Angie says she feels like she needs to push.” Erin nods, and now it’s her turn to wash her hands.

“Go ahead and check her, Y/N.” I do as she tells me.

“10cm dilated and fully effaced. I can feel baby’s head.” I say. Erin nods, grabbing the sterile towels and blankets, and setting them up before paging the doctor on call.

“Y/N, you want to take the lead on this one?” I blink at her in surprise. I’ve never coached a woman through birth on my own yet. Erin just looks at me and I nod, situating myself at the end of the bed. I’ll move when the doctor gets here.

“I want to push,” Angie says.

“Do you want the stirrups?” Angie nods, and I swing them out, helping her legs get situated. “Dad, come and help me here.” Richard jumps up, already assuming his position on Angie’s right leg. Erin is on the other leg. “Erin, when is Dr. Rawlins going to get here?”

“He’s not answering his pager.”

“Are there any other L&D doctors on call?” Erin pauses and shakes her head. “Well, it looks like it’s just you and me, Angie.” She nods. “When you feel a contraction come on, I want you to take a deep breath in and hold it, bear down, and push until I tell you to let up, okay?”

“Okay, one’s coming on now.”

“Let’s do this, Angie, deep breath in. Hold it. Okay, push, push, push. Good! Let up and take a little break.” We do this for a few minutes, and the baby is moving, slowly but surely. The baby starts to crown and Angie insists that she can’t do it. “Angie, you’ve got this. You’re a strong woman, you can do anything. Come on, deep breath in, hold it, bear down and push! Yes! Head is out, good job Angie! Bear down for me again, and push!” My hands are ready and as Angie’s baby is delivered, I catch her newborn in my hands, rubbing her with a towel as she opens up her mouth and cries as she joins the world. Erin’s already pulling part of Angie’s gown down and when her baby is relatively clean, I carefully place her on Angie’s exposed skin. The baby continues to cry, and Angie and Richard start to cry as well.

“You did good,” Erin whispers to me. A little while later the cord is cut by Richard, and the placenta is delivered, and that’s when Dr. Rawlins decides to show up. Dr. Rawlins is notorious for never being where you need him. Erin and I exchange a look as Dr. Rawlins assesses the situation, gives his good wishes to the happy parents, and leaves again. Typical. We get Angie situated to spend some time with her new baby. Angie thanks us both profusely. “Hey, don’t thank me, Y/N did all the work!” Erin says with a smile. I get shy.

“What are you going to name her?” I ask.

“Felicity.”

“That’s beautiful!” Angie gives me a tired smile and Erin and I take our leave after cleaning up.

“So, what did you think, taking the lead?” Erin asks, grinning at me.

“Can I curse?” She lets out a laugh and nods. “That was fucking awesome.”

“Good. I mean it - you did well. Now you’ll have an adrenaline high for the rest of the day!”

And she’s right, I feel great the rest of the day, and before I head back to Hotch’s house, I check in on Angie one last time.

“Hey, Angie, I’m heading out for the day. Thank you for giving me the chance to learn from you today.” I say quietly, taking note of Richard and Felicity passed out on the makeshift couch bed.

“No, thank you, Y/N. You kept me sane.” She grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Thank you.

-END OF CLINICAL DAY, NOTHING GRAPHIC AFTER THIS! tl;dr - Y/N helps a woman give birth and she thinks it's really cool! -

I head out to the parking lot and back to my car, getting home around 2:30, with plenty of time to shower before Jack gets off the bus. I strip off my scrubs and throw them in Hotch’s washer. I’m sure he won’t mind. I feel like an idiot trying to get it to work though, but I finally figure it out. I shower quickly, thinking back on my experience during clinical. I love shadowing Erin as she allows me a lot of freedom to interact with the patient, but getting to deliver a baby? That’s an adrenaline high I’m still trying to come off of. I step out of the shower, drying my hair some before slipping into my pajamas. I’m not going anywhere else today, I’m wiped. I let Cujo out back and wait for Jack to get off the bus. He’s right on time and sprints up the driveway to the front door, which I open for him.

“Y/N!” He shouts, as he drops his backpack and wraps his arms around me.

“Oh! Hey, Jack! How was school?”

“So much fun! We got to watch a movie today!”

“That’s so exciting!” He then looks at me and furrows his brow.

“Why are you in your pajamas already?” He asks, giggling.

“I already took my shower! I had a fun day at school too, and I needed to relax!”

“What did you do at school today?” He asks, eyes wide, and I chuckle at his comical face.

“I delivered a baby today!”

“GROOOOSSSSS!” He groans, running off to the back door to join Cujo outside. I smile to myself as I shut the front door and lock it. Jack is occupied by Cujo for the better part of an hour before he comes back inside and asks to play a game. We settle on Candyland, and the competition is cutthroat. I’m not going to lose just because I’m playing against a child. It was a close game, but Jack eventually won and gloated about it before stopping and asking for dinner. We do mac and cheese tonight. I cut up some fresh fruit while the noodles are boiling, and when it’s time to mix the mac and cheese, Jack asks to stir. I hold the pot so he can reach it and he furiously stirs the mac and cheese before letting me resume stirring it on the burner so the butter and cheese will actually melt and mix. We eat quietly, and before I know it it’s Jack’s bedtime. I tuck him in, and as I’m about to turn off the light, my phone chimes. It’s a text from Hotch.

“Jack, your dad will be back really late tonight!”

“Yay! I miss him.” Me too, buddy. Me too. I turn off the light and shut the door and head downstairs. I pull out my textbook and notes as I have a huge test next week and I want to do well on it. I’m so engrossed studying that when I check the time it’s already 10 PM. I hear the soft pad of feet that cannot be Cujo’s, as he’s already asleep on the couch. I turn and see Jack standing at the end of the couch and he yawns as he rubs his eyes.

“I had a nightmare and can’t fall back asleep.” He says softly.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, come and sit with me.” I peel my blanket off my lap and he wordlessly slides in right next to me. I tuck my arm around him. “Do you want to talk about it?” He shakes his head no. “Okay, well, you can sit here as long as you like.” Within twenty minutes, he’s snoring softly, head tucked against my chest. I continue to study, and I don’t remember falling asleep.

A hand on my knee gently shakes me awake. I blink open my eyes and find Jack sprawled across me, half in my lap, my hand resting on his head that’s resting on my chest and when my eyes finally adjust to the soft light on the side table light I find myself looking at Hotch.

“Oh! Hi!” I whisper, voice scratchy. “What time is it?”

“Three. Jack has certainly gotten comfortable with you.” He says with a soft smile.

“Nightmare. We didn’t intend to fall asleep.”

“I can tell that by the textbook that’s still open in your lap.” I give him a sheepish smile, and he helps me push back the blanket covering Jack and I. Jack’s at an awkward angle, one that Hotch can’t comfortably carry him in, so I get off the couch slowly, Jack never wakes up, just clings to me like a baby sloth, ankles locking around my back as I take him to his room and tuck him in. When I turn to make my way out of his bedroom, Hotch is watching me with a curious expression on his face, one that I can’t quite place. He quickly schools his face into neutrality, moving out of the doorframe so I can leave the room and shut the door behind me.

“Tough case?” I ask, trailing him back to the kitchen as he opens the fridge and grabs the rest of the fruit that Jack and I didn’t eat for dinner.

“Just long.” He says with a sigh, unceremoniously shoving fruit into his mouth. “I can’t thank you enough for watching Jack.”

“Oh please, you don’t have to thank me. I had fun. He’s a sweet kid.” Hotch smiles to himself. “He’s lucky to have you as a father.” I watch as pink colors his cheeks. He clears his throat,

“Y/N, it just occurred to me, and I’m so sorry I didn’t ask sooner, but, where is your family from? Do you have family around here?” I’m a little jolted by the sudden attention on me, but I answer his question anyway knowing that he’s just deflecting from my compliment.

“I don’t have any family around here. We’re from all over though, my baba and I never stayed in one place for too long.”

“Your baba?”

“Sorry, that’s what I call my dad.” I shrug, a little embarrassed.

“Where is your dad now?”

“I’m not sure. He was always away on business trips when I was little, so I had to fend for myself a lot. My mom died when I was three, never really had extended family, so it was just me and Baba.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t remember her, though my dad says I look like her.”

“Do you have pictures of your family?”

“That’s the weird part - I don’t have pictures of either of my parents. My dad hated them, never took them, and never wanted to be in them. Sometimes I feel myself forgetting what he looks like, but I know if I see him in a crowd I would still be able to recognize him. When my dad disappeared for good when I was fifteen, I didn’t have anything to remember him by.” I pick at my cuticles as I overexplain the situation.

“Oh. That’s horrible.”

“Eh, it’s okay. My gut tells me he’s still alive, but I don’t know if I want to see him again after all these years. There was always something about him, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. His name was Isaac Smith, but I knew that wasn’t his real name. It’s like he was hiding himself and his life from me. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever know who he really was.”

“Well, I hope you find out someday. You know, for closure.”

“Yeah, me too.” He regards me, studying the planes of my face, brows furrowed as though he’s trying to figure something out.

“When I first saw you, you reminded me of someone I know, but I can’t quite figure out who.” He shakes his head. “Oh well, maybe it’ll come to me.”

“Well, if you figure it out, let me know,” I say with a chuckle.

“Hey, why don’t we have Garcia do some research on you? Try and find out who your dad is?” I swallow hard and the movement doesn’t go unnoticed by him.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

He nods. “I respect that. But if you ever are ready, let me know, she’d happily do anything for you.”

“Thanks,” I say with a yawn.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I’m keeping you awake, aren’t I?”

“I don’t mind,” I say with a soft smile. “I delivered a baby today.” I don’t know why I want to tell him that, why I feel the urge to tell him everything about my life, but I’ll give into it anyway. His eyes widen.

“You delivered a baby?” I nod, grinning. “That’s so cool! Did you like it?”

“The adrenaline is like no other. It was a baby girl, the mom was so nice to me.”

“Of course she was, you’re like…like a shining beam of sun, lighting up wherever you go.” He says the last part quietly, not looking me in the eyes as if he wasn’t sure if he was going to say it or not. I feel my cheeks grow hot.

“Thank you,” I say thickly, and then yawn again.

“Okay, time for you to go to bed too, come on.” He says as he puts the fruit back in the fridge.

“What, are you gonna tuck me in?” I say with a mischievous grin.

“Only if I can read you a bedtime story.” He shoots back, mirroring my smile. I let out a soft laugh and he leaves me in the doorframe of the guest bedroom. “Thank you, Y/N. You saved my life this week.”

“Anytime, Hotch.”

“You can call me Aaron, you know.” I blink in surprise. “Hotch is fine, but you’re welcome to call me Aaron.”

“Okay…Aaron.”

-

chapter five - coming soon!

-

TAG LIST (want to be added? click here!): @iameternallylonely @morgthemagpie @mrs-ssa-hotch @angelmather1 @laubeck10 @rousethemouse @scarlett-jade3 @ssalinaprentiss @alexa-33 @ill-be-okay-soon-enough

[damonjuicyscock]

Playlist- Chapter 13: Dont look back in anger (90s Noel Gallagher X Reader)

Pairing: 90s Noel Gallagher X Reader

Warnings: language, a few spelling mistakes, maybe.

Words: 1950

Summary: Dublin incident and Knebworth in 1996. Or more like you deal with these events.

A/N: Heya Y'all ! Here's chapter 13, I hope you'll like it, as per usual. Gave this chapter the name of this famous song because I thought it went well with this chapter and also because yesterday this song tunred 28 years old already. Hope you had a nice weekend, sending love and strength to you all for this week !

Love y'all, take care of yourselves !

Enjoy !

(I've been waiting to put this Gif for so long OMG)

“And so, Sally can wait She knows it's too late as we're walkin' on by Her soul slides away But "Don't look back in anger," I heard you say”

March 22nd 1996- Dublin:

After a gig in Dublin, we were back at the hotel.

We decided to have an afterparty at the bar, with a few friends, and members of our families.

Indeed, Peggy, Paul and my mam came to see the band play and spend some time with us. Everything was fine and going super fine. Peggy and my mam left around midnight and a half and 01:00. Yes. Everything was fine and going super fine, we were happy.

Until we saw an older man approach us with journalists. I immediately recognised him, even before the boys did. So I stood up in front of Noel. I would have taken a bullet for him. He didn’t even to ask me to if it meant protecting him. Protecting him from his past.

Don’t you fucking dare! I shouted to the man who almost arrived to us

Liam eventually recognised the man as well, and stood up, ready to beat the shit out of him. That’s when Noel recognised him too and stood up as well but to protect Liam and prevent him from doing a big mistake. It’s what he wanted. Paul did so as well.

Y/N! Noel shouted, afraid the old man would do something

Ah, the one and only Y/N! Ye grew up into a fine bird but ye didn’t change, not even a bit.

No, but I’m even worse than I was as a child. Get the fuck out of here before I punch you in the face Gallagher.

Yes, you guessed. It was Tommy Gallagher, the boys’ father, aka wife and kids beater. I was happy Peggy wasn’t here to witness that.

He laughed. He fucking mocked me.

Oh me dear Y/N… Ye’re a bird, I would beat yer little arse in a few seconds and ye would be back to London.

Don’t ye fucking touch her! Liam said, pissed off and ready to jump on him and rip out his carotid artery with his teeth

Don’t fucking react, it’s what he fucking wants! Noel said, holding Liam’s arm with all his strength

But I was even more pissed than Liam. So I approached Tommy.

Try me, you fucking wife beater.

He laughed again.

Be a nice lass and sit yer arse down Y/N.

Oh ye shouldn’t have said that ye bastard. Liam said, laughing like a psycho

And he was right. He shouldn’t have. No one tells me what to do.

I stood proudly in front of Tommy, giving him a psycho smile before spitting to his face.

The boys were shocked. Liam was ready to attack and Noel to protect his brother and I. As if their father would react.

Get. The. Fuck. Out. I said, sternly

The man brought his hand to his face to remove my spit and threw a dark look at me.

Good evening gentlemen. He said before leaving

Noel collapsed on his seat as if he was fainting. So did Paul. But Liam stood standing, calling the waiter to order another bottle of champagne. I sat down and turned to Noel and Paul. Noel’s eyes were sparkling. As if he just saw an angel.

Are you boys okay? I asked

They both nodded.

Fuck… I love ye so much, ye know that? He said

I think I guessed, yeah. I answered before kissing him.

He kissed me back.

How do ye do that? He asked

I smiled.

He doesn’t scare me. I could even have done worse, but I didn’t want to cause a scene. It’s what he wanted.

Woman, ye’re something. Noel answered, admiring me

I’m your shieldmaiden Noely. Your warrior.

Goddamn right ye are.

*

March 24th 1996- Germany:

We arrived a day before in Germany for Noel to rest a bit. At least, that’s what we both wanted. When we woke up, Noel went to buy a newspaper. And I knew he came back even without him being back in the hotel room. Why? Because I heard him yell his brother’s name in the corridor. Oh, this wasn’t good.

Shit! I said, getting up and putting on a bathrobe

I took the room’s keys and ran to the corridor to find him.

And I didn’t, until I saw Liam run fast in the corridor.

RUN Y/N, RUN! He shouted

What have you done this time?! I answered

I didn’t think it would be that serious! He answered, disappearing in another edge of the corridor

Then, I bumped into Noel, who was ready to go after his brother again, but I stopped him.

Let me go after him! He shouted

What has he done? I asked calmly

Tommy called him after the bar incident, and Liam told him he was going to break his legs and now it’s all over the papers!

I won’t let you run after him for that!

Y/N, it’s a fucking private matter!

Yes, and Liam isn’t responsible. It was your old man who spoke about it, not him!

He should have held his fucking tongue!

You know he wouldn’t be Liam if he did. And you can’t hold him responsible for everything!

Noel looked at me, and I saw Liam hide in the corner of the corridor.

I…

Do you really hate him this much? I mean… look at him, you scared the shit out of him, he looks like a goddamn innocent child! You’re projecting your violence onto the wrong person Noel… He’s not your father, and Liam’s not your scapegoat and certainly not a punching bag.

Noel realized I was right. I gave him the keys and he went back to the room. Liam came out of hiding and came to me.

Thank ye, ye saved me life… again.

It’s okay Li’, I know he’s not angry at you. What happened in Dublin shook you both. I got the situation under control.

*

August 10th 1996- Knebworth:

I was sick. I couldn’t keep anything I ate. I didn’t know how I got this flu, but I couldn’t seem to get rid of it. It had been almost two weeks I got it, and I was mad at myself. Because it was one of the most important days of Noel’s life. I almost didn’t come with him to Knebworth.

What if I vomit in the helicopter, huh? I asked

I’ll take some barf bags with us, but there’s no fucking way ye’re not coming with me. I need ye, ye’ve really got to see this and live this. Without ye it won’t be the same. Please love, oh, and ye’ll be able to rest in there, I promise.

I sighed.

I trust you. Hope I won’t throw up on you.

So when the time had come, we got in the helicopter. I didn’t vomit in there even if the smell of cigarettes and perfumes mixed together didn’t help.

But at the minute we landed, I ran towards the first bushes I found and literally emptied my soul. Noel ran to me and held my hair up while I did so.

*

After the gig, I had the possibility to rest a bit, when the others were at the afterparty. A lot of people were there, famous one included, but I just couldn’t. I was woken by Patsy, Liam’s girlfriend, who wanted to know how I was doing.

Hi… She said, with her sweet voice

Hey! I answered, opening my eyes and smiling at her

Are you okay?

Could be better.

How did you get this flu?

I don’t know, but you know me, I really hate myself when I’m sick and I can’t move. It’s been two weeks now.

Have you seen a doctor?

Not yet, didn’t have the time to with the gigs and all that. Even if I’m Noel’s girlfriend I’m a roadie you know, so I’m working.

maybe you've been working yourself too hard and your immune system has finally given up on you.

I don’t know, but I don’t think so. Because I’m not vomiting 24/24. It’s only during mornings, evenings and late at night, as if someone was sparing me during daytime. And except throwing up I feel fine.

During mornings you said? huh… wait a minute. I’m no doctor but I think I’ve been through that so I’m gonna ask you some questions.

Huh…okay… I answered, unsure

Are there particular smells that makes you want to vomit?

That means?

I don’t know, like perfume or food?

Yeah.

Sensitive breasts?

Yeah! I answered, starting to feel reassured

No period?

Huh no, sadly I still have to go through this shit.

Doesn’t mean anything. Heartburn, abdominal bloating, bleeding gums?

Yup to abdominal bloating and bleeding gums but no heartburn.

Well… as I said I’m no doctor, but it really looks like what I’ve been through with James when I was pregnant. I mean the first months.

I chuckled.

Oh no no, it’s not possible, I’m on the pill. I’ve been for years now.

It's never been 100% sure, so you should do a test anyway. I'll buy you one or go with you to buy one tomorrow if you like.

I swear Patsy, that’s absolutely not possible.

Do it for Noel. These events can be beautiful surprises but can sometimes be absolute disasters. And especially for us, women.

I rolled my eyes, I was sure of myself, but I knew she wouldn’t let go of it as long as I didn’t do it.

Alright alright. We’ll go tomorrow. If we can find a pharmacy that’s open in this shithole since it will be Sunday.

I’m sure we’ll find one. With Knebworth happening and all the people coming here they might have been forced to open at least one. For the medics as well.

*

August 11th 1996:

It couldn’t be. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. No, it couldn’t be. And yet it was. I had the proof, right under my eyes. Patsy was right. But how could it be? I had my period, I was on the pill… How could I get pregnant? I never forgot any pill. I was shocked. And I didn’t know how Noel would react. It clearly wasn’t the right moment. Should I tell him at this right moment? Should I wait?

It couldn’t wait. Especially if he told me he didn’t want to keep it. And with what happened with his father when he was a child, did he even want to become a father himself?

It was all about doubts. And I couldn’t keep them to myself. Should I at least wait for him to get off stage?

And yet, you know me. I’m like Liam. I can’t hold my tongue. So a few minutes before he would go on stage, when I had my moment with him, knowing there would be the afterparty after that, was the only chance I had. And he knew me by heart. He knew something was off.

Hey, are ye okay? He asked, taking my face in his hands

Mmmh, yeah, still sick. But I think I might have understood why… I’m…

Ye’re?

I’m pregnant Noel.

[ruthserbel]

Fanfiction Information [x] Chapter Title: Chapter 12 Song: N/A Release Date: August 27th, 2023 Word Count: 2.9k Content Warnings: N/A Notes: First, I've been kinda looking foward to this chapter for a while. Second, I am back with a chapter. The fanfic page was also fully re-done. So now it has character information, as well as all of the chapters, so that way for anyone new reading it, it can be read all on one page vs many posts. For next weekend, what I'm thinking I want to do is do the last part in Ruth's POV (so it won't be a big chapter), then the weekend after that I will be back with a full chapter. We will see how that ends up going though.

Jasper’s POV

"Hello," Jasper greeted Riftan as he entered Riftan's office.

Jasper had given much thought to what he was going to tell Riftan. For a while he had debated on telling him it would be better to speak with Aria on the matter. Although after a while of waiting for Aria to come back, he decided against doing that. He had a general idea of Aria's location. She ran after finding out where Ruth was. But he couldn't confirm his suspicions – which had nagged on him all afternoon. He had instead decided that he should go and at least explain the situation - similarly to how he had with Ruth.

Riftan greeted Jasper, and gestured towards a chair, which Jasper sat in. He sat quietly waiting for Riftan to speak first - which took a moment as Riftan was looking at something on his desk. After Riftan finished with the papers, he glanced at Jasper.

Since coming to the castle, Jasper hadn't spent much time with Riftan. Typically, Jasper was with his sister and Lily or - if they were busy, he would spend his time a few others of the knights. As he sat alone with Riftan and noticed his aura. Jasper had always assumed was intimidating; he realized he had been wrong.

With a quiet sigh, Jasper started from the beginning. He knew his sister wouldn't like it, but he knew he had to explain it to Riftan. He made his retelling of the events as short as he could, only giving the important details.

"We hadn't seen him, or even heard anything of him for a while. Although I knew my sister was scared of the possibility of running into him again." Jasper added after a few moments of silence. Riftan gave a slight nod as he took in the information that Jasper had just given him.

The room then filled with silence as the two of them sat in thought. Jasper felt better about telling Riftan. Both he and Ruth wanted to let Riftan know once they had ran into Conan again; although Aria told them not to. After a bit of thought, Jasper spoke again, asking a question that had popped into his head.

"What... Where is Conan right now?" Jasper questioned.

"He's going to be dealt with, don't worry. He can't get to anyone else right now," Riftan said, as he leaned back in his chair. "Besides all of the things with your sister, he did injure one of my men," Riftan added after a moment.

Jasper felt relief when Riftan had said that Conan couldn't get to anyone else, at least for the moment. Then he thought of Aria's reaction earlier when Riftan had come to get them from the tower. Aria hadn't said anything of what had happened, and Jasper didn't want to question her before she was ready.

Before Jasper could question Riftan on what he meant by his last sentence, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Riftan said before the door opened, revealing Ruth on the other side.

This was the first time Jasper was seeing Ruth since they had parted ways earlier in the day. His eyes scanned Ruth until they landed on his bandaged arm. Jasper then put Riftan's earlier information together. Jasper continued to scan Ruth, although he didn't see another bandage or point of injury on him.

“Glad to see you’re okay,” Jasper said as he stopped scanning Ruth for further injuries.

Ruth gave a brief nod as he walked into the room, sitting down in the other chair was in the room. Once Ruth was sitting, Jasper asked the question that had been nagging him all afternoon.

"Do you know where my sister is? And what happened?" Jasper started to question Ruth. He had spent all afternoon wanting answers, but his sister had left before he was able to ask her any.

"She's currently in the tower." Ruth said, before explaining the events that happened after Aria had left them at the tower. "She ended up falling asleep in a chair in my room, so before I came here, I moved her to my bed." Ruth added after his full explanation.

"But what about what happened?" Jasper questioned once he realized that Ruth hadn't answered that question.

Ruth let out a sigh at his repeated question. "I can only answer what happened after I got there," Ruth said as he leaned back in his seat. With another sigh, Ruth explained his side of events - although there wasn't much.

"I don't want to force your sister to talk right now though." Ruth added after a moment, pointedly looking towards Jasper.

"Alright," Jasper said with a small sigh.

Silence fell in the room for a moment as Ruth's retelling of the events processed in Jasper's mind. After a moment of silence, Riftan cleared his throat, getting the attention of Ruth and Jasper.

"You had mentioned earlier," Riftan started, looking to Ruth. "'now's not the time,'" Riftan said, repeating previous words that Jasper had heard once before. Jasper tried to think back to where he had heard those words before. After a moment of thought, he realized that he had heard Ruth whisper them once to Riftan beforehand.

"Is this what you meant?" Riftan questioned Ruth with a smirk growing on his face for a moment.

Ruth gave a small nod in response.

Jasper sat quiet for a moment as he thought. He knew they both had feelings towards each other. Although he also knew that his sister wouldn't act towards it. When he was younger, Jasper always felt bad for his sister. He realized the fact that his sister felt like she had to look after him. That responsibility for her only got amplified when their father passed away.

"Is that still how you feel?" Jasper asked Ruth after a moment of thought.

Ruth gave another nod in response. Jasper frowned slightly as he thought for a moment.

“Maybe I shouldn’t say this…” Jasper started, as he leaned forward. “But... I also do want my sister to experience things that she missed due to looking after me when I was younger. So, I guess I will say it,” Jasper continued.

Both Riftan and Ruth gave Jasper confused glances towards Jasper as he spoke again. “She won’t act on it… but she does like you,” Jasper confessed.

Ruth’s POV

Ruth couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at Jasper's unexpected statement. "What would make you say that?" he asked.

"If you don't believe me," Jasper started. "You can ask her yourself," Jasper added after a moment.

Ruth tilted his head slightly at his response. Although before he could question more, Riftan and Jasper started having another conversation. Ruth leaned back in his seat, staying silent as he thought for a while. He only got brought back to the conversation as he saw Jasper standing up from his chair.

"I should leave now... Lily wakes up early," Jasper said excused himself from the room, closing the office door behind him.

"Why was Jasper here?" Ruth asked as he turned to look at Riftan who was leaning back in his chair now.

Riftan shrugged slightly. "Earlier, while taking them to their temporary rooms, I asked him to explain more. He said he would find me later," Riftan explained. "He came after Lily went to sleep."

Ruth didn't bother asking what Jasper told Riftan, as he already had a good idea as to what Jasper had said. Ruth gave a nod in response before he leaned forward in his chair. "What happened to him after I left?" Ruth questioned, omitting the name, but Riftan understood who he meant.

"For now, he's locked up in the dungeon." Riftan explained. "I needed more information, although he did injure one of my men." Riftan added, looking at Ruth's arm, which was still bandaged.

"How is the arm?" Riftan asked after a moment of silence between the two of them.

"It's fine," Ruth said as he turned his arm over, letting Riftan see that it besides the bandages, it was fine. "It will heal within a few weeks," Ruth added as he let his arm fall. "Medrick didn't want to use magic to heal me, so I get to deal with it," Ruth muttered, causing Riftan to laugh.

The two conversed for a while speaking of mundane topics. After a while of passing time, Riftan turned to look outside at the dark surroundings of the night. "You should go back to the tower, it's late," Riftan said as he turned back to Ruth. "You'll need to rest to heal up faster," he said lazily pointing to Ruth's arm.

Ruth gave a small laugh at Riftan's comment. "I would, although as I mentioned before, someone is currently occupying my bed." Ruth said with another laugh.

“And?” Riftan asked, a small grin playing at his lips. "From what I've heard... This wouldn't be the first time you two slept in the same room while at the castle." Riftan added, his voice laced in a teasing tone.

Ruth let out a small laugh at Riftan's comment. "True," Ruth commented after a moment. "Although now things are different..." He added as he stood up.

"Are they?" Riftan questioned, as he watched Ruth walk towards the door of the office.

"It's no longer a 'bad time'," Ruth said as he opened the door.

Aria’s POV

The soft moon light seeped through the windows, casting a gentle glow on the room. As Aria stirred from her slumber, the sounds of the door faintly creaking caused her to fully awaken. With a groan, she leaned up on the bed, trying to access everything. She knew it was still nighttime from the darkness in the room, although she wasn't quite sure of the time.

As her eyes focused on the room, she realized who had opened the door as her eyes focused on Ruth.

"Where were you?" Aria asked, her voice groggy still.

"I just had something I had to do," Ruth replied as Aria moved to sit up on the bed. "It's still late," Ruth added after a moment. "You should go back to bed."

"So should you," Aria muttered, then looked around. "I... I should go to my room," Aria added after a moment. In her sleepy state, she completely forgot about the fact that her room was - for the moment - no longer her room. Ruth's hand on her shoulder stopped her from leaving the bed, reminding her as he spoke.

"You can stay here... You don't know where your room is right now," he commented.

"But... What about you?" Aria questioned, as she allowed herself to be pushed back on the bed.

"I am not going to go back to bed yet," Ruth said as Aria laid back down on the bed. "I have something I need to do upstairs."

"Okay," Aria whispered, now that she was laying down again, she felt her body slowly being drifted back to sleep. The last thing she saw as her eyes fluttered closed again was Ruth proceeding up the stairs.

The morning sunlight crept through the window, casting a golden hue across the room. Aria slowly stirred from her slumber, eyes fluttering open. The room filled with silence; the only sound was the soft chirping of birds outside the window.

As her senses slowly awakened, Aria looked around room for a moment. Her memories from last night coming back - Ruth had come back to the room, but had he maybe left again? She didn't see any trace of him sleeping down here at all. Confusion swept over her as she looked back out the window, trying gauging the time. It was early morning, earlier than she would typically wake up.

Aria called out his name as she stood up from the bed. She made her way to the bottom of the stairs before she called out again. She paused, then considered checking if he was there, despite his warning. He had always told her not to go further than the first floor in the tower, although she was unsure why he had told her that. Aria thought about it, but then she decided she could go upstairs if she was careful. At least go and see if he was upstairs or not.

Aria quietly made her way up the stairs, looking around as she went further than she had before. Once she got to the next level, she looked around, quickly spotting Ruth - who was fast asleep in a chair in the room. Aria let out soft giggle at the sight of him, preparing to go back down the stairs again.

As she turned around, her eyes landed on a circular object, of which she had never seen before. Curiosity got the better of her as she walked towards the object. As she approached, she saw that the object appeared to be made of bones - of some sort. It had something inscribed on it, although she had no clue what it was. As she got closer to the object, she reached her hand out to touch the object, unsure of what it was.

"I wouldn't touch that," a voice behind her warned, startling her, causing her to jump. After the warning, she felt their hand grab onto her wrist, stopping her from moving her hand closer. She spun around to look at who was behind her - although there was only one person it could have been.

"Ruth..." she whispered as she looked up at. It was now that she noticed just how close they were. They were just inches away from each other. Her heart was in a frenzy, its erratic beats echoing in her ears. "I'm... I'm sorry," she stammered, feeling embarrassed now. "I didn't mean to wake you up," she said as she pulled her hand back.

As she gazed into his eyes, she wondered if he could sense her silent plea. She longed for him to come closer, to kiss her and erase the space between them. In that moment, she wished for the courage to lean in herself. The courage to explore the uncharted territory of their emotions together.

The thought of his lips meeting hers was an intoxicating daydream she couldn't escape. The thought of his mouth on hers sent shivers down her spine. The mere idea of a kissing him was enough to make her knees weak. It was a longing so profound that it eclipsed all else, a yearning that whispered in the quiet corners of her mind. But the fear of risking what they already had held her back. What if he didn't feel the same way? What if their friendship was too precious to jeopardize?

"Aria..." Ruth whispered, his voice breaking her train of thoughts.

He had said her name many times before, but this time it felt different. She felt butterflies in her stomach as they held their gaze. What was she thinking before? Why was she thinking that? She felt her face flush as she thought back, although she was pulled out of her train of thought again.

"Do you trust me?” Ruth whispered, causing goosebumps to form on Aria’s arm from the energy between them. he tried to reply, but her breath caught. she nodded, unsure of where he was going with his question.

“Please... Stop me if you don’t want this,” Ruth whispered, which confused Aria for a moment.

Before she could question what Ruth was doing, she felt his hand gently tilt her head up. As he started to lean in towards her, she felt the butterflies in her stomach again. Time around her started to move slow. Fluttering her eyes closed, she surrendered herself.

After a second of darkness, she felt it. She felt the brush of his lips against hers, and she felt the butterflies in her stomach once again. Her mind went blank, the only thing it was capable of focusing on at the moment was his lips against hers. The warmth of his mouth against hers sent a cascade of emotions rushing through her. Her knees felt weak, as if the ground had slipped away beneath them.

When they first met, she was intrigued by him, despite the less-than-ideal circumstances. However, after spending so much time with him, she had found herself falling for him. He had been the first person outside of her family that she had spoken with about her issues in the past. Aria had long ago realized she liked Ruth - but she was never sure of his feelings towards her; until now.

After a moment, she felt his lips move away from hers. "Sorry," Ruth whispered as he took a second catching his breath. He let his hand that was under her chin fall to his side before he spoke again. "I shouldn’t ha-" Ruth started, but he was cut off.

Aria had closed the gap between them again. The previous lack of apprehension she had beforehand was now gone. It was now replaced with a burst of confidence. She placed a gentle kiss on his lips before she parted their lips again, but she didn't move back. "Please... Don't apologize," she whispered.

Ruth let out a soft chuckle before tilting his head to kiss her again. Just as they were about to kiss again, they were stopped by the sound of a knock on the door downstairs.

The two stood still for a moment, before the knock repeated after a few seconds.

With a sigh, Ruth spoke quietly.  “If they are interrupting me for nothing important...” Ruth whispered – leaving his statement unended. He slowly moved back, making space between them again. “Who is it anyway?” Ruth questioned as he walked towards the window, attempting to see who it was.

taglist: @kunikida-simp, @tylerhasmyheart (again, please let me know if you want me to stop/start tagging you!)

[sunny6677]

THE AUDIO LOGS OF ANDREW HUDSON.

SUMMARY: The following are real audio tapes of tapes left by an animator at the forgotten studio Joey Drew Studios. Please ensure that you are ready to listen with these with caution, dear listener. What you may hear may cause you to never want to hear again. What you may picture may make you never want to see again. Please be aware of the consequences you may have if you do not have permission to listen to these tapes. If not permitted, then [REDACTED]. You have been warned.

(This is fiction btw, so no worries-- I know some people with anxiety issues might think this is real so this is just a clarification.)

TW FOR CHAPTER/TAPE: NOT HAVING A FAMILY, IMPLICATIONS OF SADNESS.

TW FOR SERIES: MANIPULATION, TRANSFORMATION, UNHEALTHY MINDSET, OBSESSIONS, CULTS, CULT MENTIONS, MURDER.

---------------------------

TAPE #7

THE VOICE OF ANDREW HUDSON & HENRY STEIN.

SOMETIME AFTER THE LAST TAPE.

-------------------------

[THE TAPE DOES NOT HAVE ANY SOUND OF COMMUNICATION FOR A GOOD MINUTE. THERE IS THE SOUND OF A PENCIL WRITING SOMETHING, AND WHAT SOUNDS TO BE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE DISTANCE, BUT THEIR CONVERSATIONS ARENT ABLE TO BE HEARD.]

A: "Hey."

H: "Huh?.. Oh, hey. Is there something you need?"

A: "Nah, heard you had a buncha spare papers down here though, and I need some to complete the shit I've been assigned to— so, anythin' ya got?"

H: "Oh, yeah, they're over here. By the chair."

[THE SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS APPROACH CLOSER.]

H: "...Hey, aren't you that one animator I keep hearing about?"

A: "Eh? Oh yeah, probably. Man, must be keepin' a real reputation 'round here if I'm talked about that often. Maybe people here are finally startin' to want to be friends with me!"

H: "Heh.. Mr. Hudson, right? Least that's what I've heard them call you."

A: "Hm? Oh, yep! Thats me. Andrew Hudson! Man, I've got such a badass name, don't I? Could name a character after me with how cool it sounds."

H: "Andrew Hudson.. Andrew.. this— this might be a bit of a stretch, but did you by chance go to that one Orphanage downtown? The one in Brooklyn, that is."

A: "...yes. Why? My name sound familiar or somethin'?"

H: "Oh my.. Andrew, it's me, Henry."

A: "Hen— Oh my— Henry! Henry! Oh my god! It's great to see you again, man, how have ya been!?"

H: "Heheh, I'm okay— I'm okay. I guess I landed a good spot in a workplace if it meant meeting you again."

A: "Hell yeah you did! Last time I saw you, you were 15! Mighty mighty, time flies fast! Did the whole gettin' adopted situation go well for ya?"

H: "Oh, yes— I found myself with a lovely caretaker, a lovely mother. For the first time in a while, with her, I finally felt whole again. Like I was getting to experience the childhood I wasn't able to."

A: "Hell yeah, man, that's great! Guess your whole artistic thing did get ya somewhere after all, if ya ended up with the one and only Joey Drew."

H: "Oh, yeah.. I guess it did... how did it go for you? Did you ever get adopted?"

A: "...nah. Not that i care though, if I'm here with ya, not gettin' a family doesn't mean nothin' to me. I'm just happy to see your doin' alright, man."

H: "Oh.. well, I'm sorry about that."

A: "Nah, man, it's fine! I don't need a family anyway."

H: "Huh? But.."

A: "Anyway, maybe we can get dinner sometime and catch up on the weekend sometime! I'd love to hear about ya some more. In the mean time, I'll have to be gettin' back to my work so.. toodles for now, man!"

H: "Oh, uh, bye.. then.."

[IT GOES SILENT FOR 30 SECONDS.]

H: "That was weird.. he isn't the type to leave so quickly.. on well, people change, Henry. It's best to get back to your drawings, someone has to keep your old pal happy."

[IN THE DISTANCE, ANDREWS VOICE IS PICKED UP BY THE TAPE.]

A: "Huh? Is this someone's tape?.. And why is it near Wallys closet?"

[IT GOES SILENT AGAIN.]

A: "Oh well, probably not important.. doodle-doo, da-dee-da-dee..."

----------------------

NOTES: WE PRESUME THE TAPE ANDREW WAS TALKING ABOUT FAINTLY WAS THE PREVIOUS TAPE. AS THIS WOULD MAKE THE MOST SENSE CONSIDERING THEY WERE BOTH RECORDED IN THE SAME DAY. FURTHER RESEARCH WILL BE CONDUCTED TO CONFIRM SO.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 3 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

"Coffee for Landon?" the barista called out, placing my coffee on the counter.

I quickly grabbed it and left the small coffee shop, hoping to leave Wren far behind me.

"It's funny seeing you squirm," Wren said from behind me, startling me and causing the coffee in my cup to splash out and burn my hand.

"What the fuck?" I asked, shaking the burning liquid off my hand.

"How did you get here so fast? Where the hell did you come from?"

I remembered another time he seemed to appear out of thin air.

It was last year when I had gone to Elijah's school in an angry rampage and had been ready to start throwing punches at Fox, Wren's brother, when Wren appeared out of nowhere and hold me back.

He had held onto me tightly, seemingly ready to stay there and restrain me all day if it meant I wouldn't lay a hand on his brother.

"I walked, one foot in front of the other," Wren replied, pulling me from my memory, He took a sip of his drink.

It was iced and looked more like a coffee milk than actual coffee.

"So you followed me."

"You're letting yourself think I followed you," he said, taking another long sip as we walked.

"Reality is, we're just going the same way."

Wren had this way about him that was hard to describe.

It was in the way he carried himself and in the way he spoke.

His walk was more like a glide, his head was held high with his lips always curled upward like he was constantly smirking and his voice was silky smooth, melodic and low.

He spoke like he knew more about what was going on in your head than even you did.

It was like he lived in a different world than everyone else, like he simultaneously lived in the present and the future, knowing things that nobody else knew.

Our paths diverted eventually but neither of us said any parting words.

When I arrived back at my dorm, my cell-phone buzzed.

I sighed, thinking it was going to be Micah but I let a small smile perch itself on my face when I saw the text.

From: Un-known

Landon it's Olivia. I'm going to call you from this number.

It was only a few seconds later that my phone rang with the same unknown number.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey," my sister, Olivia, replied.

"Do you have time to talk right now? I sort of only have right now because I'm borrowing a phone and I'm hiding in the bathroom at school."

"Yeah, I can talk now," I said, placing my coffee down on my desk and sitting on the bed.

"What's up?"

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to call lately," she started.

"Mom and Dad have been really on me about my phone. They don't want me on it too much. I don't think they know I've been calling you though."

"It's fine, Liv," I assured her.

"I get it."

"It's so unfair," she said in almost a whisper.

"They haven't been too horrible to you, have they?"

That was my one fear about leaving home last year, that they would take out their frustrations about me on Olivia.

When I moved in with the Hanson's, I hadn't heard from Olivia for months.

I later found out that it was not because she was angry at me but because our parents were monitoring her phone to make sure she wasn't contacting me.

She eventually started texting me through a texting app on an old iPod rather than on her phone and she would call me using her friend's phones whenever she had the chance.

We would only see each other when she could get away from our parents long enough to meet.

"No, they've been normal," Olivia answered.

"Just thinking I'm going to be corrupted if I'm on my phone too much. Goes to show how well they actually know me."

I chuckled.

"Clearly not very well."

"I'm going to have to go back to class soon," she said.

"I just wanted to ask if you were coming home this weekend?"

A puzzled expression formed on my face.

"What's this weekend?"

"You said one weekend a month until hockey season started," Olivia explained.

"It's been a month since I've seen you and hockey season is starting soon."

My face dropped at that.

I didn't know Olivia kept track of how long it had been since we last saw each other and I felt like a horrible brother for not even realizing that on my own.

I missed my sister all the time but I never thought about her missing me.

"Then, yes, I'll come home this weekend," I replied.

I had no idea how but I'd walk there if I had to.

"Yay," she whispered in excitement.

"Got to go. I'll text you."

"Bye Livi."

"Bye Landon."

With that, she hung up and I was left staring at my phone screen for longer than I realized.

When my eyes focused on the time, I shot up from the bed and rushed to change out of my running clothes.

I was going to be late to class and I stopped to think if I should just skip it all together.

I didn't want to be noticed by anyone walking in late, only because I didn't want people looking at me at all but I had also told myself I was going to be a good student this year.

It felt like I didn't have much of a choice.

I changed into new clothes, grabbing my backpack and my coffee, before hauling myself out of the room and across campus to my morning class.

The lecture hall was packed when I walked in and the only seats left were in the front.

Luckily, the professor hadn't started lecturing yet and the students in the room were too busy talking to each other to notice me slip into the room and into the front row.

As I sat down, the girl next to me leaned over and tapped my shoulder.

"Do you have the notes from last class?" she asked.

I nodded, opening my notebook and sliding it over to her so she could take pictures of it.

She smiled at me when she was done, sliding the notebook back to me.

"I'm Jess, by the way," she introduced herself.

"You're Landon, right? On the hockey team?"

I nodded.

"Yeah."

"I'm friends with some of the other guys on the team," she said, leaning closer to me as she spoke.

"You should come hang out some time."

While her words were friendly, her eyes were anything but.

She was flirting with me, giving me the stare to show she was interested and hoping I would take the hints she was dropping.

But that was another promise I made to myself this year, I wasn't going to use girls to try to trick myself into being straight.

I was done denying my sexuality, done being with women when I wasn't attracted to them and didn't enjoy it.

That didn't mean I would let myself start being with men but I was officially done trying with women because I knew it was no use.

Thankfully, I didn't have to reply because the professor started class right after that.

And as I took notes, Jess kept her eyes on me the whole class.

[thewattpadsmutwriter]

Full Story is on Wattpad, link at the end. Here is the first chapter for a little sneak peak 👀👀👀 this is a spicy human x werewolf erotic novel.

     1:00 AM read the clock on my supervisors desk. I shouldn't stay at work this late, but if needed I can just crash in the breakroom. Only two more Cadavers are left to be processed for the week and not even god himself was gonna get in-between me and my weekend. I picked up the freshly printed forms and walked over to the examination room, turning on lights as I went. I would be lying if I said that I didn't walk at a quicker pace once midnight passed in the dungeon known as my workplace. Fiction or not, I'm not risking a corpse popping up and trying to bite my ankles in the darkness.

   "Alright Mrs..." I quickly checked for her name. "Coalmen. I'm gonna try and fix you up as best as possible this evening." Her slashed open chest cavity matched that of the other victims I was in charge of this week. I would curse the State Trooper's Pathologist if she didn't end up in the same position as her cadavers. Apparently when you live on the park grounds you're "more venerable,"  to animals sneaking into your home and having a midnight snack. An animal so hungry in fact they didn't actually find her body, just blood. Working for the only Coroner in town gives you no other option but to take over the examinations. 

   "Well Mrs. Coleman, these slashes are a bit big for a mountain lion. Maybe a bear? Most bears don't leave so much behind, so maybe he was just an asshole? Not much fur is on you, but then again they would be growing a winter coat of fur, not shedding..." I pulled up the State's coroner's report and it seemed that all the other bodies were void of fur. No slashes to the face, legs, or back. Just a ripped open chest and small defensive wounds. In this line of work you see a lot of death, but if I had to pick one way to go, this would be at the bottom of the list. All victims, most likely including this one, sustained their injuries pre-mortem. 

     "No matter how much I'd like to figure out why Yogi became a serial killer, that's not my job. Lets get you cleaned up-" a crash of metal echoed from down the hall. My entire body turned as cold as the corpse next to me. Of course the area it came from was the one I had been avoiding all night. Cold Storage. This also meant all the lights were still turned off from the day. Maybe it's just some pans falling over? I can clean that up in the morning. Let's just get this cadaver ready. 

     "You'll protect me right Mrs. Coalmen?" I had never hoped so much that a ghost was watching over me. My shaky hands reached for the rib shears, but I was stalled by an unmistakable noise. One of the storage doors unlocked. I could feel that my heart and my asshole had traded places. Looking for a weapon I grabbed a scalpel and pointed the over head light down the dark hallway to my left. Ain't no way in hell I'm letting some Wayne-Gacy-creeper cuddle with the corpses. 

     "Whoever is there I've already called the cops and have a gun!" Both lies but if I was a criminal I wouldn't take this as my chance to call someone's bluff. The Storage room stayed silent. "Show yourself before I come in there and find you!" Truth of the matter is, if the intruder didn't show themselves I was ready to book it the fuck out of there. Silence again. I took three steps back, not letting my eyes unglue from the abyss. Then three clacking steps walked forward. Heels? A woman? Although now curious, I was still three seconds away from crying. "C-come on! Show yourself!"

   The clacking steps went from a gently walk to a prance to a run. My soul left my body but my legs didn't let me down. I booked it out of the exam room and ran up the basement steps. If I could just get the door locked I would at least be safe enough to call the policy, but half way up my leg was trapped in a searing pain. My hip slammed against the stairs as I screamed bloody murder. If I was going down someone was gonna hear me. Grabbing the scalpel I sliced at whatever was gripping my leg. The cut landed and I finally realized it wasn't a body-building supermodel, but a bear sized wolf. I thought I was afraid before. I screamed so loud my ears rang and slashed again. 

    "Fire! Fire!" If anybody could hear me maybe they will shoot this thing dead. If it could die. The wolf dropped my leg and avoided the slash. "Get the fuck away from me!" The only thing I remember about wilderness survival was that animals are more afraid of you than you are of it. I started making my frame larger and yelling at it. 

    "Ah! Ahhh! Get out! Fire!" I kept yelling and slashing at the 8 foot long animal as I desperately tried to hobble up the steps. My leg wasn't exactly gushing blood but it hurt too much to use.  Finally getting a good look at the midnight visitor I noticed something that would sear into my brain for the rest of eternity. 

Instead of black round it's iris, it was white...

[itzagothamcitysiren]

His MJ,

spoilers for NWH

AN: So, NWH has reawakened my spider-man obsession, specifically my love for Andrew's Peter Parker. After seeing it four times now, let me tell you how I fell for this boi and want him to find his MJ, and his second chance at love, cause OOOOFFFFF did his scenes make me feel for him lol.

I've always loved Peter/Gwen over Peter/MJ but mcu's version made me like MJ more as a charater, even though she's so different from the comics. I really want to write a versiono of her that I can see Andrew's Peter with. I'm not sure how long this fic will be but I have a basic plot outlined for this story and I hope you'll like it :)

also, this is my first time posting from the app so I hope the formatting isn't god aweful!

Chapter 1- Her Weird Roommate, Peter Parker

Being roommates with Peter Parker came with some oddities, MJ had come to learn over the last year. It was odd in the sense that Peter Parker was reliably strange, a little zany, and often left you questioning if all the lights were on upstairs. He was a great guy, respectful and even though he was a little messy, he was a great roommate; probably the best she’d ever had.

MJ didn’t think that at first of course. She remembered the first few weeks of living together. She’d almost strangled her bandmate for setting her up with him when her last roommate left her suddenly. Her former roommate, a girl MJ had nothing in common with, screwed her over for that months rent to go off on a back packing trip with her new boyfriend.

MJ still scoffed at it, but thought about getting a second job if it meant she didn’t have to live every night thinking that someone was breaking into her house.

Parker had some vendetta against doors, seemingly only ever using his window as an entry and only ever at late hours into the night. He’d play it off, saying it was quicker to use the fire escape. MJ would find herself staring at him, eye twitching as she gripped a baseball bat, still ready to fend off an intruder.

MJ grew accustomed to his weird antics, brushing it off and laughing as she grew to get to know him more; the two winding up becoming close friends. She also couldn’t help but give him a pass when he looked at her with those heart fluttering brown eyes.

But there were still moments were even his good looks couldn’t get a pass from her.

He’d gone missing again, longer than normal, nearly a whole two days since he’d shown his face in their Midtown apartment. And it was also the state he’d come home in that made MJ stop and really question him.

“You’re my MJ.” He kept muttering to himself, eyes continuing to flash to her than his hands as he sat on the couch, as if he was lost in his own little world, and not believing what he was seeing.

“Peter!” MJ snapped her fingers in his face, breaking him out of it.

He looked at her fully, making her falter for a second, finding herself with butterflies in her stomach. She hadn’t realized how close she’d gotten to his face trying to get his attention. The cuts on his face were her snap in the face although.

“What happened do you? Where’d you go? Are you okay?” She heard herself ask but was already rushing to get the first aid kit in the bathroom, letting her guitar case hit the floor. The girls would kill her for being late to practice but they’d have to deal with it.

The sound of the her clunky boots against their beat up wood floors alerted Peter. He reached out to catch it before it fell, knowing how important the instrument inside was to her. He was focused now, the previous events he just experienced somehow pushed in the back of his mind as he now stood. He hid the wince he let out from her by covering it up with a yawn.

“I’m fine.” He tried reassuring her as she returned. He laughed as she lightly pushed him back to sit on the couch so she could start cleaning his cuts. He tried shaking her off, suddenly aware of how close they were. “I fell skateboarding.”

“Your skateboard’s been thrown in the hall since like last weekend. Nice try, tiger.” She glared at him, motioning to the board left discarded to a corner.

He pulled a face, not from the sting of the antiseptic but from the nickname. He’d never put much thought behind it before, but found himself liking the sound of it falling off her lips. He winced once more, embarrassed by his thoughts. Peter shook his head, grabbing her hand with his, taking the cotton swab out of her grasp and into his own. What was he doing? This was his MJ. And he and his MJ were just friends. Just friends.

“I got it.” He stood, ignoring her angry eyes. “I’m fine okay. It’s Tuesday, don’t you have to be at practice?” He tried to reassure her, feeling guilty for having her run late.

“The girls will understand.” She tried to lie not to him but herself. They had a show this weekend. They had to practice. “You need to tell me what happened. Did someone do this to you?” She was worried, further adding to his guilt.

He let out a sigh, getting ready to use his regular lie and excuse to explain his injuries. “No, no. No one did this. I-uh- I was trying to get pictures of Spider-man, for work. And I fell.”

“You fell? Peter from how high? Dude, do you have a concussion?” she was even more worried now.

“A rafting…” he wasn't completely lying.

“Peter,” MJ started, pinching the bridge of her nose. She stopped, shaking her head, letting her red hair fall in front of her face. She stopped herself from further lashing out. She knew it wouldn’t help any. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need me to take you to the emergency room?”

“Well I don’t have health insurance and I only have like $40 to my name, so I’d prefer you not to.” He joked, trying to lighten up the tension.

MJ couldn’t help but laugh at him, muttering something about that being a mood before bending down to grab her guitar case once more. She grabbed her backpack as well, heading to the door without pushing the subject anymore. As she opened the door, she turned to look at him once more.

“Don’t go to sleep right away, stay up for a bit just to be safe, okay?” she asked. “Call me if you need anything. I should be home in a few hours.”

MJ couldn’t help but think how strange Peter had acted as she took the train to practice, even for him. The look he gave her when he first stumbled out of his room, as if they were something more than roommates, as if they were something more than friends. She tried to get rid of the thought, drumming the rhythm to a song against her thigh and leaning back in her seat. He was probably just acting weirder than usual because he hit head from how ever high he was.

She rolled her eyes, grabbing her headphones out of her backpack and tuning her thoughts out with loud, pounding music. But she found herself able to stop though. The way he said it, how possessive, yet unsure, as well as enlightened, struck a cord in her.

His MJ,

[silvysartfulness]

sorry to bother, but I recently re-read the last chapter of Heaven has a Road, (36 for future reference), and I don't even know how to phrase my question here. Did/Do you have a clear idea of what was going on through Xue Yang's head? (I think you know exactly when I'm talking about), did/do you have something from his perspective? are we getting some insight into his head and what this meant to him in future chapters? speaking of, is there a ETA? cause Im DYING over here, checking my mail daily

Never a bother! I love getting to talk about Heaven Has A Road - people asking questions about it really help boost my inspiration/motivation! ♥

I'm assuming you mean the last scene, with SongXue..? There will definitely be more of whatever the hell that is up ahead! Both Song Lan and Xue Yang are approaching the "post-incident" morning in their own very different ways - it's definitely shifted their relationship dynamics in a way they both wrestle with, and will keep wrestling with for quite some time!

As for the scene itself, what went through Xue Yang's head started as anger and frustration at not only being filthy but having to rely on an enemy to help him get clean, and then equal parts furiously resenting and helplessly enjoying that physical touch, the illusion of closeness and care - he's every bit as touch starved as Xiao Xingchen, and he hasn't been getting hugs and kisses to take the edge of it. Probably more furious at himself and his body for reacting as it does than Song Lan, though.

But then, once Song Lan turns out to actually be equally aroused... That's a game-changer! Suddenly there's a chance to actually get some of that physical touch - distraction, pleasure, release...

But he knows how easy it is to piss Song Lan off - the uptight lump takes offense at anything! - so he consciously opts to keep his mouth shut and just let Song Lan take the reins, as it were. Trying to vibe as much as he possibly can that he's all for this, without actually saying anything crass enough to make the prissy daoshi run away.

And for all that the sex itself wasn't great, getting to have it was amazing. Doesn't matter all that much with whom, or the circumstances, or that it hurt - it knocked him right out of the angry/hurt/hopeless thought spirals in his head for a few blissful moments, and was exactly what he needed.

... Only problem now being that he wants more of where that came from, and Song Lan will not be very easy to convince to go a second round. XD

I drew this image for a scene from next chapter - Xue Yang greeting Song Lan the next morning, tousled and smouldering, wearing nothing but Song Lan's robes... It may be good Song Lan is already dead, or he might just have suffered a heart attack. ♥

As for next update... I just got the chapter back from my beta, so in theory, once I've made the suggested edits, it'll be ready to go! I do, however, want to finish another one for my buffer pile before I post 37, and don't have a chapter image ready either... So realistically, probably not this week. Maybe next one, if I can finish a chapter image before I leave town next weekend - I can write away from home, but the laptop isn't powerful enough to run Photoshop.

So your guess is as good as mine? 😂

I am still steadily writing ahead, though (currently at 228k 😬) so hopefully soon!

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter six: "I don't know everything, despite the fact you think that I do"

My gif

Word count: 12,6K

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of drug use, drug detox, physical violence. Spencer being a jerk.

Summary: (Y/N) had enough of Spencer's attitude and plans an intervention on her own.

A/N: Hello! how are you? how's your week going? my life is a mess and I'm fighting with a lot of anxiety and stress after the month I spent with my grandparents, so I've been taking everything with calm in the latest days. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Spencer is... and then reader... ok, read it, and see you in the comments! Stay safe, kids!!!

Series Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

───※ ·❆· ※───

(Y/N)'s point of view

After New Orleans, I thought things were starting to get a little better. For a few days, Spencer was a lot like himself again. It was refreshing and exciting. He smiled. He even looked like he had slept. And he wasn't rude. Not at first. Not until that Friday.

- "Hey, pretty girl"- Morgan appeared next to my desk and tapped on the pile of files I was working on- Got any plans for tonight?

- "I was actually going to meet my boyfriend. Why? What do you have in mind?"

Yes. Paul and I had a date, 'cos I hadn't seen him in two weeks. We had spent San Valentine's apart, 'cos we were out on a case. And I barely noticed it. I didn't have my hopes high for that night, though. Maybe pizza, a movie... I didn't feel like having sex, even when it had been over a month since we had done it.

- "I'm clubbing tonight, and I know you are a party girl. So, do you wanna come with me?"

- "As tempting as it sounds, I pass"- I smiled at my friend and shook my head- "All I can do today is have a quiet evening, eat something, watch a movie and then call it a day."

- "Are you sure? 'cos Emily is on board, and you two are my party sidekicks."- I chuckled and kept shaking my head- "Ok, alright. You lose. What about you, pretty boy?"

Spencer had been awfully quiet that whole afternoon. He was buried in his paperwork and only moved from his seat to get coffee.

- "Reid? are you listening?"- Morgan waved until he got his attention. But Spencer apparently didn't want to talk- "Hello? Earth to Reid."

- "What the hell do you want?"- I brought up my eyes to my best friend, 'cos his voice was as annoyed as rude.

- "Hey, hey, slow down, kid. What's your problem?"

- "I'm trying to work, and you don't let me! That's my problem!"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and took a deep break.

- "Ok, my bad."

Spencer glued his eyes on his files again, and I kept looking at him closely for a minute. He was fidgety on his chair. He kept scratching his arms, and he had flipped from human to whatever he was when he yelled at Morgan in a blink.

Of course, shit wasn't over yet.

- "Hey, do you want a ride home?"- I asked him and stood by his desk on my way out. He was getting ready to leave too.

- "I can take the subway on my own"- he talked to me like I was insulting him- "And I don't wanna get in the way of your fake date,"- he grumbled and put on his coat

- "Sorry, what?"- I wasn't sure I had gotten that right.

- "Yeah, you have a date with your boyfriend, and I don't want to get in the way."

- "What are you talking about, Reid?"- I couldn't believe his words. He was acting like a jerk.

- "You know, I don't get it"- he was mad. Furious. And he snapped in front of me, out of the blue- "Why are you still dating that jerk if you don't even love him? does he fuck you that good?"

I could see from the corner of my eye how every head in the bullpen turned to us. I looked at my best friend in the eyes and didn't say a word. I just nodded and grabbed my purse.

- "Enjoy your weekend, Reid."

I knew I didn't have to take those words personally. Spencer wasn't himself. But I was growing tired of justifying him in front of the team and myself. It was time for the big guns.

I tried to ease my mind that night, preparing myself for what I knew I had to do the next day. But I couldn't shake Reid from my thoughts. I needed to know what he was doing if he had dinner. If he was able to sleep. Shit! I needed to know if he was getting high all alone in his apartment.

What if he overdosed? What if he just decided to go a little further and his body couldn't resist it? He was too skinny. He wasn't eating correctly. Shit! He could die.

- "Hey, babe. Are you ok?"- Paul asked me all of a sudden. He was kissing my neck and trying to get under my shirt, and I wasn't even moving. I was thinking about Reid and how to help him. And meanwhile, my boyfriend was trying to have sex with me.

- "Sorry, what?"- I know, that wasn't a good answer.

- "Are you even here?"- he sighed and let me go- "Let me guess, you are thinking about a case."

- "No, I'm just worried about Reid."

I know. That wasn't a good answer either, considering Paul's angry face as soon as he heard his name. Paul hated Reid. Ok, Paul hated every single one of my friends, but he despised Spencer. He would almost see him as his sworn enemy, and they had seen each other in person twice in over a year.

- "Now you think about that nerd when we are making out?!"

- "What?! No! that's not what I meant!"- I tried to explain, but it was clear that wasn't going to work- "He is going through a tough time after the abduction and..."

- "Yeah, yeah"- he cut me off and stood up- "Everything about Spencer is more important than me! I don't wanna hear that shitty and sad kidnap story again!"

- "I'm just trying to say I am worried about him!"- I stood up and followed him around the apartment.

- "You are always worried about him!"

- "He is my friend. He is in pain!"

- "And what about me?! Do you even care about me?!"

- "Sure! of course, I do!"

I knew that was it all of a sudden. I didn't even want to argue with Paul, and neither explain to him how much I needed to help Reid. So I didn't say a word. I only stood in front of him. He brought up his eyes to me and sighed. It took him a few seconds to gather the courage to say what he wanted to say. But when he did, it wasn't good.

- "You are in love with him, aren't you?"

His question made my blood boil. I hated he made such a presumption only because I was worried about Spencer. I loved him, sure, but because he was my best friend. I was with him all day, every day. I saw him more than my own family. More than Lu, Mikey, or Frank. And I knew Reid was in pain and in real danger. Of course, Spencer was my priority.

- "No, Paul. I am not in love with him."- I looked right into his eyes and tried to make my point clear- "He is going through a shitty situation, and I wanna help him. That's all."

- "And do you love me?"

He had never asked me that before. We haven't talked about "love" in the whole year and a half we had been together. And, to be honest, I didn't want to lie. I didn't want to hurt him either, but it was the end of the line, and we both knew it.

- "Paul..."

- "That's a no,"- he said and folded his arms across his chest- "If you don't love me, why are you with me?"

- "Do you love me?"

- "Of course, I do!"- I raised an eyebrow and stared at him for a second - "Don't profile me!"

- "I'm not profiling you. I'm just sure you don't! And that's ok. Paul, we... This is not a relationship. It's two lonely persons holding onto something that didn't work."

We just stared at each other and didn't say a word for what seemed to be for ages.

- "Despite what you might think, I know you, (Y/N)"- he took a step closer to me and kissed my forehead- "And I know you love him."

- "Paul, I really don't. He is my friend, and I'm worried about him"- he simply nodded and sighed.

- "Sure thing. Take care"- started walking to the door and never looked back.

I stood alone in the middle of my apartment. That was it. The easiest breakup because neither of us was in love. And yet, I felt empty and sad. Tears started falling down my cheeks, and I didn't notice them until I was sobbing.

I wasn't sad I had lost Paul. I didn't understand where that emptiness and misery were coming from. Maybe it was grief for a relationship that was never meant to work. Perhaps I was sad because I had failed to maintain a relationship. After all, work had turned into my life. I was just like my father and my brother.

A part of me felt I was slowly turning into what I had fought not to be. And letting Paul might mean I was no longer the old (Y/N). And the new (Y/N) scared me: I was a Fed, I worked over 50 hours a week, and I had killed people. Bad people, but I had pulled the trigger. I knew I had the job of my dreams, and I knew I loved working at the BAU. But with every day that passed, I was walking further and further away from the version of me I loved.

And I was scared of what the new (Y/N) was going to be like. Was she going to be like her dad and lose her family due to her work? or like her brother? who couldn't have a normal life 'cos being a detective was more significant.

I knew we all made our own personal decisions, but a part of me felt it. We were all cut from the same cloth, and I was meant to grow old, alone, and the BAU was going to be my whole life until the day I retired, and the loneliness consumed me.

- "I need a drink."

Spencer's point of view

I took a cab home. I didn't want to take the subway because it would take longer to get there, and I couldn't wait that long. I needed one more fix.

I had been telling myself the same for a whole week now: Just one more. One last time.

But it never was the last time. Every night I failed, and that Friday, I was so eager to forget, I wasn't thinking straight. I snapped at Morgan and (Y/N), just 'cos I was going insane, craving Dilaudid.

After New Orleans, I decided to stop using it. And for two days, I did it. But, of course, I couldn't handle the need. That needle was going to be my end, and I was struggling every day to quit. It was impossible to stop on my own when I needed to quieten the pain somehow.

You don't know how much pain you are into until you numb yourself, and the weight of all your troubles and regrets is lifted from your chest. I knew it was eating me alive, but I had to be strong and quit. So, every day I tried. And every day, I failed. Just like that night, when I laid in bed and slowly unwrapped my belt from my arm, losing all connection with reality.

I had yelled at my friends, and they were probably angry at me. But shit! It was worth it. Nothing was even relevant as long as I could feel the relief Dilaudid gave me.

But it never lasted. And the following day, I regretted it all. I woke up dressed on my bed, a needle next to me and an empty bottle of Dilaudid by its side. Just like a junkie. Tears filled my arms as soon as I realized what had happened. What I had done: I had failed yet again.

My whole body was shaking. I needed to eat something. My last proper meal had been Thursday when (Y/N) and I stopped for dinner on our way back home. And I guess if it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't have eaten at all.

I took a long shower, trying to wash away the guilt. It's obvious to say it didn't work. But I consoled myself thinking last night had been the last time. That day I was going to be strong enough, and I was going to quit. I had decided. Nothing could stop me that time.

My breakfast was miserable: I made coffee and took a look in my fridge. Nothing. All I ate that morning was a bowl of cereal (without milk) and two cups of coffee and sugar. Sugar and coffee, actually, like everybody teased me.

I tried to read for a while, at a normal peace, because my head was still fuzzy. So I sat in my living room and grabbed a book from my coffee table: "The Illustrated Man."

After a few hours and four books later, my mind kept coming to the same place. I was out of Dilaudid. And it was a good thing, 'cos now I just wasn't going to get any more. That was it. I had officially quit. Yes. And I felt good. It was a new day, and I was ready to be clean and sober. So I made myself another cup of coffee to celebrate and took a look at my bookshelf. I picked another three books and sat on my armchair, ready to keep on reading. I didn't need drugs to be happy.

Around three in the afternoon, I couldn't stop moving on the couch as I read the sixth book of the day. I drank yet another cup of coffee, even when I knew what I really needed was to get some real food. But I didn't care to starve at that moment. There was only one thought in my mind: Getting high.

Maybe I wasn't ready to quit. I should try leaving it periodically. Actually, perhaps having a bottle around the house could help me ease my mind. Knowing it was there made me feel better. As good as using it.

I was going insane. I kept debating whether I should stay home or find my dealer and just get a little dose. Just enough for one more time. Maybe two. I kept walking around my apartment, creating excuses in my head to get high.

And that was when I heard a knock on my door. I stopped on my tracks, confused. I wasn't waiting for anyone, and I wouldn't really have many unannounced visits. So I walked silently towards the door and looked through the peephole.

- "Shit"- my voice was a whisper I prayed (Y/N) hadn't heard.

What was she doing there? Maybe she had come to talk about my attitude at the BAU. I had said some awful things, but that wasn't really a good moment. I didn't want to see her. I didn't want her to see me like this. I didn't want anyone to see me. So I didn't open the door.

But she knocked again. I didn't move and almost didn't breathe as I stood still by the door, waiting for her to leave. But she wasn't leaving. Instead, she kept knocking over and over again, driving me insane until I snapped.

- "What the fuck do you want?!"- I opened the door and yelled at her face. She widened her eyes, surprised, and didn't move.

- "You just came to stand there and look at me?- I shouted, and she flinched. She had to leave. I wanted her out of my house. But rather than leaving, she walked in and stood in the middle of the apartment.

- "What is wrong with you?"- she was making an effort to stay calm, but I could tell she was scared. She kept biting the inner part of her cheeks and crossed her arms on her chest. Was she scared of me?

- "Spencer, why are you acting like this?"

- "What the fuck is your problem, (Y/N)? Why are you in my house uninvited?!"

- "I called you like three times. I wanted to invite you to my house for dinner, but you didn't answer, so I got worried."

- "As you can see, I'm fine! And no, I don't wanna go to your house for dinner!"

Her eyes were wide opened, staring right into mine, and I swear it physically hurt to see her. She shouldn't be there. I needed her out. I didn't want her to see me like that, and I needed to get out and get some more Dilaudid. Now more than ever.

- "I'm making lasagna"- (Y/N) whispered- "Mikey, Frank, and Lu are coming."

- "I don't care, I don't wanna go to your house, I don't wanna go anywhere! I'm fine here."

- "But, honey bunny..."

- "Stop calling me that!! I hate it!! It's a stupid nickname! I'm not your fucking honey bunny!!"

The silence in my apartment was so deep, I could hear my own heart racing inside my chest. (Y/N)'s eyes filled with tears that soon started falling down her cheeks. She dropped her shoulders, and her arms hung at her sides, slacks.

- "Please"- she begged- "Tell me what's wrong. I want to help you, Spencer."

- "There's nothing wrong! don't you get sometimes I don't want to be stuck at you?! I already have to see your face all day at work. I deserve a break during the few weekends we have off!"

- "I know you don't mean that"- her voice broke, and her chin trembled, but she still made her best not to cry.

- "You don't know that. You don't know shit, (Y/N)."

I stayed quiet and looked away from her. I couldn't stare at those sad eyes for another second.

- "Please, leave"- I managed to control my voice for a second, in a poor attempt not to hurt her anymore. But she shook her head and sniffed.

- "No, Spencer, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong with you. I am worried."

- "There's nothing fucking wrong with me, (Y/N)! Don't you get it?! I just don't wanna be with you!"

- "Please"- she begged, sobbing in front of me. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't bear to see her anymore.

So I ruined everything and hurt her. I pushed her. She nearly fell back but managed to stabilize. She was shocked by my actions, but I didn't even have time to think about what I was doing. All I could think of that minute was that I needed her out of my house to buy drugs and get high.

- "Spencer, what the hell are you doing?"

- "I asked you nicely, but you didn't leave. So now I won't be nice anymore. Get out!!"

I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out of my sight. She cried, pleading I would tell her what was wrong with me. But I didn't listen. Instead, I dragged her out of my apartment and slammed the door. I could hear her crying in the hall for a moment, and it enraged me. I thought if she was crying, she herself had caused it. She had appeared at my house at the wrong moment, unannounced.

It wasn't my fault. I just wanted her to leave. I did what I had to do.

And I didn't regret it.

Not until Sunday afternoon, when an announced knock on my door forced me to drag my stoned body from the couch. It was a delivery boy who gave me a package and left. It had nothing written on it. Not even my name. When I opened the box, I found a computer and a note.

- "Play me."

I knew I was still stoned, but not enough to be imagining those kinds of things. I took the laptop to the couch with me. There was a video ready to be played in it. So I pushed play.

- "What the fuck do you want?!"- my heart dropped. It was me, but I could barely recognize my own face- "You just came to stand there and look at me?"

It was a recording of me yelling at (Y/N). She had taped everything, and I couldn't believe my own eyes. I was a monster.

- "I'm making lasagna"- my chin quivered at that scene. Her voice was a whisper, and I was out of myself- "Mikey, Frank, and Lu are coming."

- "I don't care, I don't wanna go to your house, I don't wanna go anywhere! I'm fine here."

- "But honey bunny..."

- "Stop calling me that!! I hate it!! It's a stupid nickname! I'm not your fucking honey bunny!!"

I paused the video, 'cos I couldn't take it anymore. That wasn't me. I couldn't believe I had said all those things to her. It hurt (Y/N), so I could get drugs.

I covered my face with my hands and cried. I was done. Not only did I not know how to recover from my drug addiction, but I also didn't know how I could ever look at my best friend again in the eyes after what I had done.

I remembered she had cried, and I knew I had been mean. But when I saw the extreme hate in each one of my words, I knew I had reached rock bottom. I needed help.

After a few minutes, I pushed play again. I knew I needed to see the whole thing actually to understand what had happened.

- "Please, leave!!"

- "No! Spencer, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong with you. I am worried."

- "There's nothing fucking wrong with me, (Y/N)! Don't you get it! I just don't wanna be with you!!"

- "Please... Spencer, no! What the hell are you doing?"

- "I asked you nicely, but you didn't leave. So now I won't be nice anymore. Get out!!"

I hit her. I pushed her. She was there to invite me for dinner, and I hurt her. Who was I? What kind of beast does such a thing to his best friend?

Who would do such a thing to the woman he loves.

I curled on the couch, crying. How could I let that happen? When did I turn into a downward version of myself? Ethan was right. I had been dumb enough to think I could control it when in reality, drugs were controlling me. I was losing who I was. I could lose my job. I was losing my friends.

I knew things had been hard for me growing up, but I had finally reached a point in my life where I was happy. I liked my life. I loved my job. For once, I had real friends, and I was making good, catching bad guys. I had actually fulfilled my dream to work at the BAU. So why was I wasting it all?

- "Spencer"- I heard (Y/N)'s voice at the end of the video and saw her face on the screen- "I am here if you need to talk. I'm not mad. I just wanna hug you. Please, call me. Let me help you."

But I couldn't do it. I couldn't talk to her after what had happened. I dragged her by the arm out of my apartment. I made her cry. I didn't deserve anything. I couldn't deal with reality and the consequences of the monster I had become into.

Sunday, March 4th. That was the day it all changed for good.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Spencer didn't call. I wasn't surprised, though. I knew he would be affected by the video and probably felt like he didn't deserve my help. So I did what I knew Frank would say I shouldn't do. I put on my shoes and got ready to go to his apartment and pick him up. I was not going to leave him alone when I could see he was struggling to survive.

But when I opened my door, Spencer was sitting in the hall outside my apartment, hugging his legs, shaking. His eyes were puffy, and his lips were shattered. He looked at me, afraid I would be mad. But how could I? I just wanted to help him.

I kneeled in front of him and touched his hands. They were stone cold. His lips trembled as I looked into his eyes, and after a few seconds of hesitation, he finally threw his arms around me, crying.

- "It's ok, honey"- I whispered and felt his whole body shaking as he held me tight- "I've got you."

- "I'm sorry"- I mumbled, sobbing against my shoulder.

- "Shh, it's ok, it's ok"- I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed his cheek.

- "Please"- I had to bite my lips not to cry with him, but I knew I had to be strong for him- "Help me."

- "Always."

I poured two cups of tea on my kitchen island as I looked at Spencer eating a bowl of soup. He was swallowing it like he hadn't eaten in days, which was probably true. We had barely spoken in the last hour. He kept asking for forgiveness as I helped him walk into my apartment and sat with him on the couch. He held onto me like a castaway holds to whatever shipwrecks he finds to survive.

When I finally convinced him to eat something, he followed me to the kitchen and looked at me in silence as I cooked. I didn't know what to tell him, so I just did my best to stay calm. I knew what was happening next, and it wasn't going to be pretty. But I was ready to go through it with him.

- "Thank you"- he whispered and sighed as soon as he was finished.

- "Do you want some more?"- but he shook his head. I smiled at him and handed him his cup of herbal tea.

- "Cookies?"- he didn't answer. He just looked at me with those big puppy eyes and broke my heart.

- "I'm sorry"- he spoke so softly I almost didn't hear him.

- "Don't be."

- "I was a monster"- he stared at me, and I knew he was thinking I was never going to forgive him, when the truth was, I wasn't mad at him at all. I was just worried sick.

- "Are you ready to get better?"- I was afraid to ask, 'cos I was afraid he could change his mind. Still, I trusted the video had shaken him deeply enough to erase from his head any thought of relapsing.

- "Yes."

His answer was clear. Even when it was a whisper, there was no hesitation or no fear. Pure determination. It made me smile to hear him like that. And he smiled at me for a second, filling my heart with hope.

- "Ok, then this is what we are doing"- I walked to my desk and took a folder I had prepared for that day. I gave it to him, and he frowned, confused.

- "What is this?"

- "Our home detox plan. You and I are locked in this apartment for the next fifteen days."

Spencer looked at me, baffled. I just smiled and walked to the fridge to show him how prepared I was.

- "I got all the food we need, and the meds you might need, and a nurse that will come to visit daily to put an eye on you."

- "What? How? What about work?"

- "I'll talk to Hotch."

- "What are you gonna tell him?"

- "The truth"

I wasn't going to lie to my boss, not when he also knew what was happening with Reid.

- "Honey, he knows there's something wrong with you, and I'm sure he will understand our absence for two weeks. You and I have enough vacation days saved to cover that time. And you need it."

Spencer looked at me in silence. I couldn't read his face because his eyes hypnotized me. Even under those circumstances, his eyes were beautiful and sweet. Filled with hope.

- "Ok"- he nodded, and I hugged him right away.

- "I'm so proud of you, honey"- I whispered and caressed his hair for a second.- "Come on. We are doing one more thing before we start."

- "What?"

- "Cleaning your apartment."

I took Reid back to his place and got rid of the Dilaudid he had gotten that weekend: All of it. And the needles. I helped him clean because I didn't want him to find a messy apartment when he would get back there. Then, we packed a bag of clean clothes to take to my place. He looked weak but determined to change, which made me feel so relieved. My heart was joyful.

- "Do you have everything?"- I whispered and held his hand as he stood in the middle of the living room and took a look around- "Do you want to take some books?"- he didn't answer- "Spencer? are you ok?"

- "I don't want to be a burden"- he whispered, and I took a deep breath right away, trying to find the right words to convince him he wasn't and that there was no way on earth he could ever be a burden in my life.

- "You are not, I swear"- he looked down and played with his fingers in my hand- "I mean it."

- "It's not going to be nice"

- "I know"

- "And..."

- "And I want to be there, with you, all along. Ok?"- he looked at me, and my heart skipped a beat.

- "(Y/N), withdrawal symptoms from opiates include anxiety, sweating, vomiting, and"- he cleared his throat, embarrassed- "And diarrhea."

- "I know... but we are going to go through this together, one day at the time."

Spencer kept his fingers in my hand, tracing paths on my skin. I looked at him and bit the inside of my cheeks. I didn't want him to doubt himself, 'cos I knew he could do it.

- "One day at the time sounds good"- he murmured and looked at me with a tiny smile. I nodded and kissed his cheek. I don't know why I did it. I just know how much I liked it. The sensation of his skin, and his two days beard, I don't know what it did to me. But I even shivered.

- "Let's go"- I whispered and held his hand tight. He nodded and grabbed his bag. It was about to get real.

The first night with Spencer was wild. He hadn't used it in over a day, and the withdrawal symptoms started around midnight. We were on the couch watching a movie. I was already half asleep when I felt Spencer constantly moving. He started biting his nails and scratching his face every two minutes.

- "Are you ok?"- I whispered and looked at him. He was pale.

- "I'm not gonna be able to do this."

- "Honey..."

- "No, I mean it."

- "You can, and you will."

- "How do you know? I was weak enough to start using."

- "You were forced to start using, and you are strong enough to stop"- I sat straight and held his hands. He was freezing- "What do you say we put you to bed? I'll make you a cup of tea, and we'll see how you feel in the morning."

He didn't move. I kept his hand in mine, and he held it tight. Real tight. I don't know what he was thinking about, but after a few seconds, he sighed and looked at me.

- "Bed and tea sounds nice,"- I nodded and stood up, but he didn't move- "(Y/N)?"

- "Yes?"

- "Where are you going to sleep?"

- "On the couch"- he sighed, and his face was filled with guilt.

- "I can't let you do that. This is your house."

- "Don't worry about that now. Come on. You need to rest"- I caressed his hand with my thumb, and he finally stood up. But halfway to the bedroom, he stopped.

- "I feel so guilty to put you through all this."

- "I want to do this"

- "But..."

- "No, but"- I turned to him and cupped his face with my hands- "I love you, and I'm not gonna leave you alone. No matter what."

My words resonated inside my head for a few seconds as I stared at him. My stomach was fluttering, and my heart was racing inside my chest.

That wasn't good. But I didn't have to overthink my feelings because my best friend needed me.

Reid walked to the bathroom and put on his pajamas while I made him a cup of warm tea. I knew what was coming: nausea, shivering, throwing up, stomach ache, and more. But I was ready. Two weeks and Spencer was going to be ok.

I had talked about my plan with Hotch earlier that day, and he agreed to give us two weeks off and cover us. Spencer was going to be in Vegas, 'cos his mother had had an episode, and I would be in New York, helping my brother on a case. Seemed convincing. Having the two of us out of town would stop any of our friends to stop by unannounced.

- "(Y/N), thank you for doing this for Reid"- Hotch said before hanging up. I felt lucky to have him as my unit chief. He surely cared for all of us. I don't think anyone else would have done the same.

Retchings from my bathroom were the first thing I heard as soon as I stepped into my room.

- "Honey, do you need help?"- but Reid didn't answer. So I ran back to the kitchen and got him a Gatorade from the fridge, set it on the nightstand. Then I ran to my closet and grabbed a clean towel.

I opened the bathroom door and found Reid kneeled by the toilet. He had already flushed but didn't stand up.

- "Here"- I dampened the towel and put it on his forehead. He closed his eyes and sighed- "Better?"

Spencer just nodded and stayed still for a moment. I took off his glasses and pulled his hair back carefully. He started retching a second later, and I rubbed his stomach, cooing him. When he was done, I flushed and helped him stand up. That wasn't it, and I knew it. He knew it too.

- "Did you know brushing your teeth right after throwing up damages your teeth?"- he whispered, making me smile. It felt good to know deep down, even under those shitty circumstances, he was still the same good old Reid.

- "So, mouthwash?"- I moved the bottle closer for him, and he just nodded- "I'll be outside."

Reid drank a little Gatorade and made a sad effort to read after getting into bed but fell asleep in less than five minutes. I took the glasses off (again) and took the book from his hands. My heart felt warm just to see him there, resting.

But that lasted less than half an hour. I stayed by Spencer's side to make sure he was ok. I was reading when he started retching again. I grabbed the bucket I had already set underneath the bed and rushed to help him. His stomach was already empty. He was basically just vomiting bile.

When he finally fell asleep again, he started shaking. I touched his hand, and he was freezing, so I took an extra blanket from the closet, placed it on top of him, and set the room's thermostats to make it a little warmer for him.

I stayed by his side, reading until he woke up again. This time, he was sweating. I took a clean pajama top from his bag and helped him change. Then, I took the dirty pajamas and the clothes he had worn that day and put them in the washer.

I sat next to Reid on the bed and looked at him. He was awake, rolling over and over, not able to stay still.

- "Come here"- I whispered and tapped on my lap- "Put your head here."

I thought he was going to argue, but no. Instead, he did as told with no hesitation as I ran my fingers through his hair slowly, scratching his scalp carefully. I felt how he inhaled deeply and relaxed, at least for a little while.

But it didn't last. And the rest of the night was a long loop of puke, shivers, and sweat. Spencer finally fell asleep for good around six in the morning, and I dragged my exhausted self to the couch. Night one was done. Nine more to go.

Spencer's point of view

My whole body ached. I opened my eyes, disoriented. All I knew was that I felt I had been beaten up, but I didn't recognize the room. I did recognize the smell on my pillow, though. It was (Y/N)'s. That's how I remembered what was going on.

Adding to how bad I felt, physically, I felt worst knowing everything that had happened the night before and in advance for everything I knew would happen that week. But even knowing that, and even when I was embarrassed to be a burden, I was glad to be there. I was happy to feel taken cared of and loved. It was a change I never imagined I could experience. The one who always took care of his mother now had someone who took care of him. It was under a miserable context, but I felt loved anyway.

Even when I was loved only as a friend.

I stood up slowly. I was fatigued, probably 'cos I had spent half of the night puking. I drank what was left of the Gatorade on the nightstand and walked to the living room. (Y/N) was asleep on the couch. My heart ached to think how uncomfortable she probably was while I slept on her queen-sized bed. No one had ever cared so much about me before. So I walked to the kitchen and made her breakfast. A classical Reid breakfast. Coffee, cereal, and milk. That was it. That was all I could cook.

- "Hey, what are you doing?"- (Y/N) appeared suddenly and smiled at me so sweetly, I nearly dropped the coffee pot.

- "I'm trying to make you breakfast"- I confessed and blushed- "And as you can see, I'm not much of a cooker."

- "You made coffee, you covered the most important part"- she held the cup I had filled for her and smiled- "What if you get comfy on the couch while I make you something to eat?"

- "I can't let you do everything, (Y/N)"- the way she looked at me, my heart skipped a beat.

- "I'll tell you what: If I ever get sick or hurt, or anything happens to me, you are going to be the one taking care of me. Ok?"- I nodded and stayed quiet- "Now, go to the couch. It's a lazy Monday."

- "What does that mean?"

- "We stay in our pajamas, watch movies, nap, and do nothing."

How could anyone say no to that?

I wasn't hungry at all, but (Y/N) really applied herself with everything she cooked: she made chocolate chips, hotcakes, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a smoothie, and also forced me to eat a bowl of fruit. She said I needed all the vitamins I could get, 'cos I had to get strong.

She sat next to me, ate the bowl of cereal I had prepared for her, and drank the coffee I had made. It was relaxing just staying there, covered with a blanket, watching Dr. Who. I felt my body losing up little by little. Until detox hit again. The light was bothering me, burning my eyes, and my body felt weak. Nauseous started kicking in, and before I knew it, I was throwing up on (Y/N)'s carpet.

She held a bucket in front of me and pressed a damped towel on the back of my neck.

- "Better?"- (Y/N) whispered and smiled at me. Her fingers tucked some of my hair behind my ears gently- "Do you want to lay down for a while? You are shaking."

I just nodded.

- "Ok, come on, let's go"- she held my arm and helped me stand up. She was right. I was shaking, but not just because I was cold. It was the withdrawal.

I was so embarrassed and mortified. With each symptom, I was a little more certain (Y/N) would never look at me the way I did. She would never fall for me after what she was witnessing. No one in their right mind would.

- "There you are"- she whispered, fixing the pillow behind my head as I laid on her bed again.

- "Can you please close the curtains?"- I whispered, covering my face with both hands. The light was too painful to deal with.

- "Sure, honey. Headache?"- all I could do was nod- "I'll get you ibuprofen, that will help with your body aches and the migraine."

I stayed still, eyes closed, hands covering my face, thinking how I had gotten to the point of having to detox my body from drugs. It was, without a doubt, the lowest moment of my whole life.

- "Ok, honey, try to get some rest, ok?"- (Y/N) whispered after I took the ibuprofen and drank half the bottle of water she had brought.

-  "Can you..."- I studied because I was afraid to tell her I didn't want her to leave me alone. I was afraid to be on my own. I didn't trust myself or my mind.

- "What is it? Do you want another blanket?"

- "Can you stay with me?"- I finally asked and held her hand. She just nodded, smiling, and sat next to me on her bed, making sure I was comfy and cozy, fixing the pillow again and the blanket. I looked at her as she laid by my side on top of the covers and held her book.

- "I'm here, Spencer. And I'll be where when you wake up, ok?"

- "Can you read to me?"- I closed my eyes 'cos the light was killing me.

- "And your headache?"

- "Your voice is soothing, and it would help to concentrate on something else but the pain."

- "Ok... then prepare yourself for some horror, 'cos I'm reading, yet again, "Something wicked this way comes."

- "It's one of my favorites"- I whispered and sighed.

- "Why am I not surprised?"

I tried to fight the waves of nausea, the pain in every muscle and headache, and only focused on the sound of her voice as she read. It took me back to when I was a kid, and my mom would read me every night. (Y/N) kept caressing my hair and reading to me. It was the closest I had ever been to heaven, even when physically, I felt like dying.

When I woke up, (Y/N) was asleep by my side. I tried to move, but my body was limp. It was too painful for me to get up on my own, and all I could think of was one simple thing: Dilaudid. I was craving it. I would never feel so bad if I had a fix. Just a little one. To make the pain go away.

I was making excuses to justify my need for drugs. I wanted to feel better, 'cos right there, on (Y/N)'s bed, I felt dead already, and my whole body was rotting. I just wanted to get a little high. It wasn't going to hurt anyone. Right?

Wrong. The bruise on (Y/N)'s arm was the reality check I needed. I hurt her. I hit her. I pushed her away from me. That's how low I had gotten. I would not let that happen again, and more important than anything else: I was never going to hurt (Y/N), ever again. And that I swore to myself that day on her bed.

There was no use in denying the fact I was in love with my best friend. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. And I knew I was going to love her forever, even when she would only be my friend. I didn't even know when I had fallen so hard in love with her. I tried to remember the moment my feelings had changed from friendship to love, but I couldn't find it. I just knew I loved her, and nothing was ever gonna change that.

The kind of love that makes you think you'd die for that person. I would die for her, just to make sure she is safe.

I felt so pathetic thinking those things. Not because I didn't want to feel that way, but because I knew (Y/N) would never look at me like that. But still, I'd give her everything she could ever ask me for.

I just laid by her side and looked at her as she slept. My eyes were finally able to slide on every detail of her face. Her freckles, her nose, the color of her lips that even without makeup looked like a cherry. And the bruise on her arm. I was never going to forget about it and neither forgive myself.

- "Hey"- she whispered, fluttering her eyes- "How are you feeling?"

- "Good"- I lied. I didn't want to tell her I felt like dying. She stayed still, looking at me for a few seconds.

- "Are you hungry?"- I shook my head, even that hurt- "How's the headache?"- my eyes were killing me.

- "Better"- she nodded and sighed.

- "I know you are full of shit, Spencer Walter Reid. You don't need to lie"- I just closed my eyes and refused to open them again for a few minutes.

- "I just don't want you to worry, (Y/N). That's all."

- "Do you want to sleep some more? I'm gonna go..."- but as soon as she moved, I stopped her.

- "No"- I looked at her and held her hand immediately. Every muscle in my body hurt with that movement, but I didn't regret it- "Please, don't leave."

- "Ok, I won't go. I promise"- she held my hand and caressed it slowly and smiled so sweetly, I think I even smiled back.

We laid in silence for a while. I closed my eyes again, trying to breathe normally. (Y/N) was lying next to me. That would get my heart racing in a second.

- "The nurse is coming around five. She will put an eye on you every day if you need any medical attention, ok?"- I hummed as a response and kept focused on her fingers playing with my hand- "Maybe we can ask her to help you take a bath."

I wide opened my eyes at those words and noticed how my best friend was blushing.

- "What?"- she chuckled at my reaction- "I can take a bath on my own!"

- "Really? You should consider it then"- she stuck out her tongue to me and giggled- "Though your two days beard is cute"- she ran her fingers along my jaw and sent shivers all over my body. The proximity felt so new, yet incredibly natural, almost familiar.

- "Thanks?"- I answered with a question 'cos I had no idea what else to do. I just stayed still and looked into her eyes. She didn't say another word either. Her eyes were following her fingers, playing with my jawbone slowly.

I wanted to move a little closer to her and hug her, maybe. But I couldn't. Not only because I physically couldn't move without crying, but because her phone rang and made her jump on the bed.

- "Hey! Paco, how are you?"- I heard her pick up the phone in the living room and walk back to me, holding another bottle of Gatorade.

- "No, I'm on a case. In New York. I don't know how long, I wish I could predict how long it's gonna take to catch a fucking serial killer, but I can't."

I looked at her as she walked around the room, talking with Frank. Of course, it was him. She always called him Paco. I slowly sat down on the bed and sighed. I was paranoid about the shower. Maybe I stank. I hadn't bathed since... Saturday. Obviously, I smelled terrible. I had been sweating all night long.

I made my best effort and walked to the bathroom. Everything hurt. When I finally managed to take off my pajamas and ran the shower, I was weary. But the warm water made me feel a lot better.

I took a long shower. Not just because I wanted to stay forever under the warm water, but because I couldn't really move that fast. I washed my hair and considered shaving. But I didn't have a razor on hand, and if (Y/N) liked my tiny beard, I decided to keep it.

- "Hey! everything ok?"- (Y/N) asked from the other side of the door.

- "Yes, I'm ok"- she walked in, and I froze.

- "Ok, I'll leave a clean towel next to the shower, ok? It's warm"

- "Thank you."

I stayed still under the water until she exited the bathroom and nearly held my breath at the thought of her being there with me. It was too much, and to be honest, I was too weak to overthink it. But I knew it was going to be a thought that would hunt me back home.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I sat on the couch and drank my tea after leaving the towel for Spencer in the bathroom. My heart was racing, and that shouldn't be happening. Why was I so affected by my best friend? I knew I was worried, and all my attention was focused on him, but that didn't explain why my stomach fluttered when I looked at him.

- "Put your shit together!!"- I yelled/whispered to myself and shook my head.

Frank had called to know about Spencer, but I had to lie and act like I was at work. I couldn't just tell him what was going on in front of Reid. So I texted him the short version of the fact, and he asked me to keep him posted. He also told me he was going to keep Mikey and Lu away from my apartment those days.

Spencer took a shower and sat with me on the couch. I had cleaned the vomit from the carpet and kept a bucket near in case he felt sick. We read in silence for a while, and I kept checking on him every few minutes. He was nervous and looked anxious. I wasn't going to ask him what was wrong, 'cos it was obvious he was craving Dilaudid, and to be honest, I was scared he might start yelling and getting violent. So, I stood up and prepared him a smoothie. I knew he hated healthy eating, especially salads, but he was doomed. He had to put some vitamins in his body.

He looked at me disgusted as I gave him the glass but drank it quietly and gave it back in a minute. I was impressed.

He threw it up in less than ten minutes, though. So far, not so good.

He also vomited lunch. I knew his whole body ached, so I put on a Star Trek DVD to keep his mind busy in anything else. When the nurse came, she did a brief check-up and told me to continue with the same diet and ibuprofen in case of severe pain. We had to put an eye on dehydration. She also suggested we'd engage in some physical activity as soon as he felt better. Walks to the park were her recommendation.

I couldn't imagine Spencer walking out of the house under those conditions, but I had high hopes by the end of that week, he was going to feel much better.

The second night was worse than the first because his body aches hit him harder. He rolled in bed in pain, shivering. I stayed with him until late, trying to soothe him. I read and caressed his sweated hair. At a certain point, I just sat there with his head on my legs, and he started crying. His tears soaking my legs and his sobs breaking my heart.

I didn't know what to say. I don't know if there was anything to be said at that moment. So I just leaned in and kissed Spencer's temple. I rocked him like a baby and did my best to calm him down. He just kept crying on and on, tearing my soul apart. I couldn't handle watching him like that. I didn't know what to do to help him feel better too. All I could do was be with him throughout the process and hold him tight to make sure I kept all his pieces together. I didn't want him to fall apart.

When I opened my eyes the following day, Spencer was asleep in front of me. He was pale, and the rings under his eyes were darker than ever. But at least, he was finally sleeping.

I stared at him for a few minutes, planning the day. But soon, I realized I couldn't concentrate. I just looked at him. I knew my friend was handsome, even when he always argued when I let him know. But at that moment, he made my heart beat faster. His hair was messy and with some curls. His brown beard kept growing. I had never seen Spencer with facial hair, and I loved it. I wanted to tell him to keep it, but then I thought it might be inappropriate. Not that telling him was wrong, but what he was making me feel.

I refused to think I had a crush on my friend. Because I didn't. I was just worried sick for him, and my head was confused. It wasn't the time to think about that. I had to be a good friend and help Reid. His wellbeing was all that mattered to me.

So I got out of bed and ran to the kitchen to make sure everything was ready. I cooked breakfast and lunch, cleaned, and took a quick shower. I was walking out of the bathroom in my clean clothes when Spencer woke up. He rolled in bed and looked at me, confused.

- "Hey, how are you feeling, honey?"- I whispered and sat next to him on the bed. He yawned and nodded.

- "Better."

- "Great, I hope you are hungry, 'cos breakfast is ready"- he scratched his head and yawned again. And I swear, I had to mentally slap myself because I thought he looked adorable and couldn't stop staring.

- "Do you want to take a shower?"- I asked him and stood up. I had to do anything to keep me from being stupid- "I can also run you a bath. I got some salts that could make you feel better. They might help with your body ache."

- "Thank you"- he whispered and sat down. He just looked at me in silence as I kept myself busy opening curtains, folding blankets, and cleaning the bathroom, to get it ready for him

- "Did you sleep?"- he asked me suddenly- "You look tired."

- "Nah, I'm ok. I think I went too heavy on the coffee earlier."

- "How long have you been up?"- I looked at my wristwatch and sighed.

- "A couple of hours."

It was ten. I got up at eight. Spencer had finally fallen asleep at five. It didn't take a genius to see I hadn't slept properly.

- "Why don't you nap?"- he asked and tapped on the bed- "You look like you could use some more sleep"- that was tempting, I won't deny it. But no. I couldn't.

- "Tell you what, why don't you eat something and then we can watch a movie together?"- Spencer nodded and moved slowly. That's when I remembered he felt like shit.

- "Come here"- I stood by his side and held his hands- "Can you stand up?"

- "Yes"- he whispered and tried to move on his own. His legs were shaking, and so were his hands. He did his best to stand up, and after a few tries on his own, he succeeded. But after giving two steps alone, he stumbled and nearly fell.

- "I've got you!"- I said, wrapping my arms around him and keeping him steady. His whole face was red, in anger maybe, or embarrassment. I didn't want to push him to talk or do anything. I just made sure he wouldn't fall.

- "Wanna stay in bed?"- I suggested

- "No"- he murmured and took a step ahead

- "Ok, let's go to the living room then."

Spencer didn't reply. I was sure he was ashamed and upset. I just walked with him to the living room, trying to think of anything else: anything but the butterflies in my stomach.

It was getting harder to ignore the mental fuzziness I felt each time I looked at him. But I refused to think about it. It wasn't the right time.

But it got worse that evening.

We spent the whole day on my sofa, napping, reading, and watching Star Trek. I was getting dinner ready when Spencer's phone rang. We both stayed still. He looked at me with widened eyes, almost scared. I smiled and walked to my room to get the phone. It was JJ.

I'm not proud to say it, but an overwhelming sensation of insecurity and concern filled my body. Why was JJ calling Spencer? Were they closer than I thought? I don't know why I kept thinking all those things.

- "It's JJ"- I announced and gave him his phone. He hesitated for a moment and finally picked up. I walked back to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. What was wrong with me?

- "Mom is fine, thank you for calling"- I heard him say and closed my eyes. I had to focus on the food. I had to focus on helping him get better.

Why was I so upset JJ had called him? It was nice to know more people cared about him. Not as much as I did, of course.

- "Sure, I tell her. I'll see you in a couple of days"

I walked back to the living room carrying a tray with soup and salads. Spencer sat down properly and looked at me with a small smile.

- "I know you hate veggies, but you are doomed"- I whispered, reading his mind- "These are packed with all the vitamins and minerals your body needs."

- "Thank you"- he murmured and kept his eyes on me until I sat next to him and grabbed my bowl.

- "How was JJ?"- I had to ask. He cleared his throat and played with the lettuce on his dish for a moment before saying.

- "She was ok. She wanted to know if everything was ok with my mom."

- "Oh"- I didn't know what else to say. I tried no to think about it anymore, 'cos it was useless.

- "I kind of felt bad everybody swallowed our story"- Spencer confessed and sighed.

- "That's because I make up the best lies, honey,"- I smiled at him, but he just stared- "Everything ok?"

- "I'm not hungry"

- "Come on, at least have the soup, please?"

- "I don't want to barf all over your carpet, again"- he whispered and kept playing with the lettuce.

- "What if I tell you I made brownies? and you can have a brownie if you eat the soup?"- Spencer bit his lips and shook his head.

- "Why are you treating me like a kid?"

- "I am not! I'm blackmailing you with sugar as I would do under any other circumstance."-

And I wasn't lying. I would definitely try to force him to eat or do something with the promise of a brownie.

- "So? What do you say? Eat that soup, and we'll have brownies... with vanilla ice cream."

Reid stared into my eyes, and I held my breath. He was so pale, so thin. And yet, so beautiful.

- "If I vomit..."

- "If you vomit, you vomit. No hard feelings"- I smiled and tapped on his leg- "Besides, you need to get some vitamins in your body. You are too thin."

He didn't reply. He started eating slowly and kept watching Star Trek in silence.

Spencer successfully ate his bowl of soup and ate a little bit of the salad. I knew he hates veggies, so I didn't push him. As a reward, I prepared a big tray with brownies with ice cream, chocolate sauce, and hot chocolate with marshmallows and put it on the coffee table in front of us. We were about to start eating when we heard a knock on the door.

- "That's the nurse"- I said and stood up quickly. But I was wrong. It was Paul.

- "Babe... hey"- he smiled at me as soon as I opened the door and tried to walk in. But I didn't let him.

- "What are you doing here?"- I stood at the door and raised an eyebrow. I knew we didn't have a bad breakup, but after what he had said that night, I was afraid he might freak out to see Spencer in his pajamas watching tv on my couch.

- "I couldn't stop thinking about what happened the other night, and..."- he made a pause and looked inside- "What are you doing?"

- "I'm having dinner"

- "Alone?"- I didn't answer- "Can I come in?"

- "No"

- "Are you with someone? are you on a date?"- Paul pushed the door and stormed into my apartment. Reid turned around and looked at him, embarrassed.

- "What the fuck do you think you are doing? get out of my house!"- I grabbed my ex-boyfriend's sleeve and stopped him.

- "Hey, Paul"- Spencer waved from the couch, looking scared. His shoulders were tightened, and his eyes wide opened.

- "What is this nerd doing here?"- Paul turned to me, ignoring my friend.

- "What are you doing here? That's the question!"

- "I wanted to apologize for what happened the other day."

- "Well, sorry to crack the news, but if this is an apology, it sucks!"- I swear, I could feel my pulse speeding- "And there is nothing to talk or forgive, we broke up, and it was ok!"

- "Yeah, and now the nerd is here to make you feel better!"

- "You have no idea what you are talking about! And would appreciate it if you stop calling him that!!"- I freaked out and clenched my fist. I was going to lose it with him.

- "Good luck with the Ice Princess here!!"- Paul yelled at Reid- "If you are lucky, she is gonna hug you once!!"

- "Get out!"- I stood by the open door and slammed it as soon as he had left. My hands were shaking, my lips were quivering, and my eyes were tearing up.

- "Are you... are you ok?"- Spencer stood up and walked to me. He stumbled a little but managed to hold me. I didn't reply. I just broke into tears.

Why was I crying if I was glad I had broken up with Paul? Why was I so upset to see him at my house? Why was I shaking in anger?

Maybe I was just human, and I was tired of all the shit. Perhaps I was just sleepy or stressed with everything going on with Reid. Or the fact he kept thinking I had feelings for my best friend was too much for me.

Even the fact he called me "Ice Princess" hurt me. Yes, I wasn't a very physical person with him. But that was just because I wasn't in love with him.

For a few minutes, I just cried, soaking Spencer's pajamas as he held me tight, just like I had done for him the night before.

- "I'm sorry"- I whispered and sighed. I let him go and fixed my hair- "I shouldn't let Paul affect me so much, but I wasn't expecting to see him."

- "What happened?"- Spencer held my hand and took me to the couch with him. He handed me a dish with brownie and melted ice cream, and a spoon.

- "We broke up a few days ago."- my best friend looked at me in silence as his shaky thumb wiped off the tears on my cheeks.

- "I was actually planning dinner with the guys to give them the news, 'cos I knew they would like to celebrate... but that doesn't matter. You were right; I didn't love him. I don't know why I was still dating him."

- "I'm sorry"- he whispered and carefully wrapped me on a blanket.

- "Don't be. I really wanted to break up with him. I was just scared to lose who I used to be..."

- "You are never going to lose who you are, (Y/N)"- Spencer whispered and cut me a smile- "Frankie, Lu, and Mikey would never let that happen"- I sighed and nodded- "I won't let that happen either."

- "Thank you, honey"- I grabbed the spoon and took a big piece of brownie- "You know what bothers me? I don't know why I'm crying so much! I'm not sad! I'm angry!"

- "Actually, when you get mad, your body produces a flood of hormones that stimulate strong reactions in your body, like racing your heart and getting sweaty palms. In response to the elevated stress level, crying stimulates the release of oxytocin and prolactin. These two chemicals can bring your heart rate down and otherwise calm you after a stressful event."

- "Well, my fucking body makes me look weak and stupid!"

- "You could never look weak..."- Spencer hesitated for a second. It felt like he wanted to add something to those words but finally just stayed quiet.

- "Thank you, honey bunny. You are the best friend I could ever ask for."

- "Don't say that. You are the best friend I could have ever asked for."

We just stared for a few seconds. His eyes on mine, my hands still shaking, though I didn't know why.

It was a moment I knew I could never forget, 'cos it was the moment I first considered kissing Spencer.

It was a thought that only lasted for a second, but it was there. And like a seed planted on my brain, once I knew it was there, it could only grow and hunt me, like a ghost.

Spencer's point of view

My heart ached to see (Y/N) crying because of an asshole who never deserved her. And it also jumped of joy knowing she was no longer dating that jerk. I knew I could never make a move on her, but just to know she wasn't stuck with him made me happy.

But the fact she had gone through all that alone and didn't even talk about it for four days because she was too busy taking care of me made me feel awful. I didn't deserve any of that.

- "How are you feeling?"- she whispered and smiled at me after finishing her brownie- "Want me to heat your cocoa?"

- "I'm ok, thank you"

I stared at her in silence and decided to make the boldest move I have ever made with her, and opened my arm for her so that she could cuddle. She didn't hesitate and moved closer. I wrapped an arm around her, and her head rested on my chest. And trying not to make it look like a big deal, I also held her hand and caressed her skin, tracing random patterns on it.

- "I'm sorry for being such a bad friend"- I said and kissed the top of her head. I didn't plan it. I just did it. And it felt so good.

- "Don't say that."

- "I've been an asshole since Tobias."

- "You haven't... I mean, you have, but you had your reasons"- she made a pause and sighed. I knew something was bothering her, and I was hoping it wasn't our position because I loved how her warm body felt against mine.

- "Honey?"- she whispered, and I hummed as a response- "Would you call me a cold person?"

- "Never..."

- "I know I'm not a physical person, but..."

- "Me neither, and look at us"- I pointed out the obvious, and she softly giggled. He raised her head from my chest and turned to look at me. I swear all I could think of that minute was kissing her.

- "I am more loving with you than I ever was with Paul"- she confessed and sighed. Her eyes were sad. Clearly, what he had said to her had affected her more than she wanted to admit.

- "He didn't deserve it anyway"- she added and moved back to lay her head on my chest- "You do."

And after that, we just stayed like that, hugged on the couch, until the nurse knocked on the door.

- "You look much better"- I smiled at the nurse and nodded- "Still nauseous?"

- "Yes, but not as much as yesterday"- I whispered and looked at her, wrapping the blood pressure cuff around my arm, right next to all the marks I left with the needles. I wanted to hide them from everyone, and I thanked (Y/N) wasn't in the room. Of all people, she was the one I didn't want to see those marks the most.

- "They are going to fade soon"- the nurse whispered. I wasn't too subtle with my reaction, I guess. I just nodded and looked away.

- "Your girlfriend is taking excellent care of you. You are a fortunate guy"- I'm sure I blushed and turned to her immediately.

- "She... she is... she is not my girlfriend"- I felt I needed to explain it, I don't know why.

- "Really?"- and the nurse seemed to be in shock- "She surely loves you."

- "She is my best friend"- I whispered and felt how my heart was nearly bursting inside my chest.

- "You are lucky to have her"- she added, and I agreed.

I knew I was lucky. Even when (Y/N) wasn't my girlfriend, I knew I had to be with her. Always.

After thirteen days of home detox, I was back to being my old self again. I felt happy, healthy, and strong. I don't think I had ever felt that good before.

I loved spending those days with (Y/N), and I was pretty bummed I had to go back to my apartment the next day. The fact I had lived with her for two weeks was incredible. I knew it all happened under dark and miserable circumstances, but it had been life-changing.

Now I knew everything I wanted to know about her to help me make her day better and all her little quirks. Her favorite brands of tea, her favorite snacks. How she liked to take the last cup of tea of the day in bed, reading. Her favorite bands. How she always cooked singing. She always slept on her left side. And how after all those days, we would be so comfortable together, we would cuddle naturally, even without asking.

I don't want to overreact, but it was pretty heavenly to me, like the sensation I felt with the romantic poems mom used to read to me when I was little. Just don't tell anyone I said that.

- "Ok, dinner is ready"- (Y/N) announced and took the lasagna from the oven. I held a bowl of salad and walked with her to the dining room.

- "What do you wanna drink?"

- "A glass of wine, you?"

- "Red or white?"- I asked her and walked back to the kitchen. I didn't even wait for her answer. I took the white and two glasses. She smiled and sat down.

- "This looks amazing, (Y/N)"- and I wasn't lying.

- "Wait until you see dessert, we have three colors of Jell-O"- the fact she knew I loved jello wasn't what got me. It was how happy she looked to spoil me with my favorite dessert.

- "Thank you for cooking all my favorite meals."

- "You are welcome, honey bunny"- I smiled at her and poured a glass of wine for her and one for me.

- "Can I ask you something?"- I whispered, and she nodded- "Why do you call me honey bunny?"- she looked from her dish and giggled.

- "It took you forever to ask."

- "Well... I didn't want you to think I didn't like it..."

- "You don't?"- I wide opened my eyes and shook my head frenetically.

- "No! I love it! I just... don't know... where does it come from? You said I gave you the "honey bunny" vibes, but... what does that mean?"- (Y/N) chewed her lasagna and looked at me.

- "Well, I always loved that nickname. I thought it was adorable and never used it on anyone because no one ever gave me that vibe. I had never met my honey bunny before."

"My Honey Bunny." That woman was killing me, and she had no idea.

- "And I took it from Pulp Fiction"- she finally confessed and waited for my reaction- "Have you seen it?"

- "No"- I admitted and shrugged.

- "Then we are watching it after dinner tonight"- (Y/N) decided, and I nodded- "You still don't give me a nickname, by the way."

She had no idea, but I had a list of nicknames for her. I had written all the cute names I wanted to call on a notebook I kept in my satchel. But I didn't dare. I could call her cute names in my head all the time, but never out loud.

- "You don't have to do it if you don't want to, by the way"- she added and kept eating.

- "I have never done it before"- I accepted, feeling embarrassed- "Sorry."

- "Why are you sorry?"

- "I don't want you to think I don't want to call you by a loving nickname. I just..."

- "Come on, how would you call me? Do I give you any nickname vibe?"- I chuckled, and she smiled childishly.

- "I really like the story behind "nugget." I think it's brilliant"- she shook her head, and her cheeks blushed- "But for you... I think I have three options."

- "So you've given it some thoughts!"- I nodded and took a sip of wine- "Let me hear them."

- "Well... after that case in Oregon when you got lost in the woods, I thought I could call you "chipmunk"- I confessed and watched her face light up.

- "I love that!"

- "Really?"- I chuckled and looked at her holding my breath- "Well... then I remembered how we became friends and your obsession with cupcakes, so I thought I could call you that."

- "I love that too!!"

- "And..."- since I was honest, I took it a little further- "After last Halloween, and all the carving we did, and our movie marathon, I thought "pumpkin" was pretty sweet too."

(Y/N) sighed and smiled at me, her cheeks blushing and her eyes shining.

- "They are all awesome, so you should use them all, and I can look for more nicknames for you"- I simply stared at her and felt how my heart melted.

- "Ok"- I whispered, and she raised an eyebrow playfully.

- "Ok, what?"

- "Ok... pumpkin"- I whispered and held my breath at the sound of those words leaving my lips.

She really didn't have a clue about what she did to me.

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic @archer561

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy

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Next update: May 19th, 2021