#I mean. literally and as a manner of speech too

[venacoeurva]

I have been stuck with the words “wife city” sang like an 80s rock jingle type thing in my head for some reason

I don’t have a wife to say it to so we improvise

-Please do not reupload, edit, or use.-

[yusiyomogi]

From what I've gleaned through talking with translators, Dungeon Meshi doesn't use Japanese honorifics as often as most manga. Is that true? If so, can you tell us all details about who uses honorifics, when, and for whom? Would love to hear all about it! (Room Surprise)

it's true and you can notice it easily when you watch the anime in japanese. i think it happens pretty often when manga or anime try to portray western settings, especially fantasy settings, since they come with their own set of tropes. most obviously, you'll notice that [ちゃん] "chan" and [くん] "kun" honorifics are almost entirely absent, since their role is less important for casual conversations. but here is where manga usually encounter the problem that it still needs to use some honorifics to show the difference in the way people address each other: you can't just use "mister" or "miss" or "sir", it'll look unnatural. so, no matter what, manga still needs to use honorifics.

the first and most obvious honorific you'll encounter in the manga is [兄さん] "nii-san" - "older brother", the way falin usually address laios. it seems like falin, in general, a character who uses honorifics pretty often, likely to give her speech more cute and polite tone. another notable example is when she calls marcille [お姉さん] "onee-san" - "older sister" in the flashbacks, something that girls sometimes use to call their older friends. i haven't noticed her using it in the current time though, she just mostly calls her "marcille".

probably the funniest use of honorifics in the manga is in chapter 13, after chilchuck says that he's actually 29 years old. while senshi and marcille react like chilchuck is still young, laios with some hesitation and awkwardness calls him "chilchuck-san". obviously [さん] "san" is pretty known honorific that's used to show respect, often to older people. chilchuck was not amused.

i'll mention here that most of the younger characters still address much older characters with "san", like in a case of tansu, even if it's not necessary applied to characters like senshi. but this is a common rule, "san" is still used most of the time for older characters, since it'd be simply too rude not to use it. students in magic school from flashbacks also use "san" to refer to marcille, but it has less to do with her age and more with their admiration of her.

island governor uses [殿] "dono" to address tansu, which is one of the most respectful honorifics, but often used by people of the same high social status. it also can be translated as "lord" in that setting, which is more appropriate, i think. tansu calls the governor [島主殿] "shimanushi-dono", literally "the lord of the island" and that's how other people call him too.

interestingly enough, that's also how yaad calls laios in their first meeting - "laios-dono", likely because yaad is both extremely polite and wants to show deep respect to someone he already sees as future king.

as you can guess, characters from fantasy country inspired by japan also use some specific honorifics. maizuru and the rest of toshiro's team calls toshiro [坊っちゃん] "botchan" - "young master", which is very polite, but can feel a bit humiliating for adult man, i think, since it has a secondary meaning of "greenhorn" or "spoiled kid" (lol). not necessary in that setting or context though!

kabru is one of the politest people in the story, so he uses respectful honorifics pretty consistently. he pays a lot of attention to social hierarchies and has a good control of the way he speaks and how familiar he can act with other people. he addresses toshiro as "toshiro-san" throughout the story and he also calls laios "laios-san" at least a first few times they speak to each other. I noticed that when he speaks with laios he also adresses falin as laios' [妹さん] "imoto-san" - "younger sister" in the same respectful manner. he usually drops the honorifics when he feels like he's gotten close to a person.

canaries aren't particularly respectful in their speech in general, though they still abide to general rules. when it comes to specifics, pretty much everyone in the story uses [隊長] "taicho" to address mithrun. it can be translated as a "squad leader", but usually translated to something like "captain". for example, it's the same honorifics people use for major kusanagi in "ghost in the shell". as far as i can tell, the only time mithrun was addressed differently is in chapter 94, when kabru was trying to bring him back from his stupor and called him "mithrun-san" instead.

that's what i've been able to find so far! if i find anything else, i'll just add it to this post.

[zuzu-draws]

So after the spoilers for Chap 257 dropped, I saw some tweets clarifying the meaning of the Kanji Sukuna used in the chapter when referring to his mother, and the overall reveals in the chapter got me thinking.

I’m making this post as a way of gathering my thoughts, personal speculations and where I think all of this connects to Sukuna’s character and the information Gege has given us over the years. Nothing I say is by any means new information, but like I said, I’m just collecting my thoughts here. By the way, just a warning, this post contains SPOILERS for the JJK Manga! If you don’t like that, please don’t read this!

Something I’ve noticed is that the theme of “Hunger” and symbolism of “Cooking/Food” is heavily referenced with Sukuna throughout the Manga. Gege in a previous Fanbook has disclosed Sukuna’s favorite Hobby to be “Eating”.

This theme is again very much ingrained within Sukuna’s cursed techniques and even his Domain Expansion, the “Malevolent Shrine”. With his two main techniques being “Dismantle” and “Cleave” are cutting-type attacks. He is also able to use a Flame-Arrow, and Fire is essential for making Food. The Shrine in his Domain Expansion literally has mouths on all sides, looking eager to chew down anything in-front of them!

This symbolism also heavily influences Sukuna’s own manner of speech, and the way he speaks to other characters in the series as well. With his post-fight chat with Jogo before his death, Sukuna mentions Jogo lacking the “Hunger” to take control of his desires, preventing him from reaching the heights of Gojo Satoru. Before the Start of their fight in Shinjuku, Sukuna called Gojo a “Nameless Fish on top of his cutting board”, and that he was going to start by “Peeling off the scales”(refering to Gojo’s infinity). There’s also further symbolism that supports this by analyzing the Kanji and meaning of Sukuna’s “Malevolent Shrine” but I’m not very educated on that so I won’t be opening that point here.

What all of this points to is that Eating and Food……is extremely important to Sukuna, to the point that it literally affects him in manners innumerable.

Eating is an instinct, a necessity for the survival of every single living being.

And In the face of extreme Hunger and starvation, even those with the strongest will could lose their Humanity and revert to the basic animalistic side of their existence. (The Heian Period also had a Famine, although I believe the timing to be a bit off, but do with this info as you see fit)

In JJK Chapter 257, it is revealed to us that Sukuna and his Twin were most likely starving in the womb of their starving mother.

On the brink of starvation, Sukuna had to consume his “other self”(his twin), so that he could survive.

Btw, this tweet and this thread gives additional characterisation to Sukuna:

Link to the original thread: Link.

More context (and reactions :P):

Link to original thread: Here

This reveals to us that indeed, Sukuna was born a twin. And as we all know, “Twins” are seen with extreme scrutiny in Jujutsu Society, they’re not well liked. This too in a period where Cursed Spirits and Jujutsu Sorcery was at its peak, it is not far-fetched to assume that his Mother may not have been treated very well by the people in her surroundings, especially as she bore twins.

When Kashimo asks if Sukuna was born the Strongest or if he made himself the Strongest, this is the response Sukuna gave to him:

When you think about it, how do you think the people around them would have reacted when the woman: who was supposed to birth two twins, gave birth to a single child instead? and that child had consumed his other twin in the womb itself?

No doubt people would’ve been horrified, disgusted and even revulsed. With the woman and her newborn child.

This would’ve led to their further ostracisation in the already very close-minded society. Unable to fend for herself and her newborn child, it must’ve been difficult for Sukuna’s mother to survive. I feel like somewhere along the line, Sukuna was left alone to fend for himself at an extremely young age. To protect himself from both Curses and Society alike.

This is why I believe Sukuna knows what true starvation, weakness and hunger feels like. Both in the emotional and literal sense. He was left without another person caring about him or his well-being, in a cut-throat period where it was “Fight or be killed”.

Powerful curses roamed all across Japan, nowhere was safe. Simply be strong, or you'll die. There's no room for weakness. And initially, a kid!Sukuna was weak, as anyone would be in the beginning when they're just starting out in this world. (and maybe, he didn't have much to eat, leading to long periods of starvation? :') )

I believe it is this debilitating hunger, and feeling of weakness that eventually led to Sukuna’s current Hedonistic mindset.

He’s essentially traumatised by it, and believes that it was his own weakness that led him to experience this sheer starvation. That he deserved to feel this way because he was weak then. Perhaps, the people around him were right, that as long as they have the power and strength to overcome anything, they’re free to do as they please; And there is nothing anyone else could do about it.

I feel like the irony here is that Sukuna himself, must’ve been a “weakling” before eventually rising the ranks to become History’s Strongest Sorcerer. This is also why he values Strength so much.

Ultimately, Sukuna has decided that there was nothing more important than being strong enough to fulfill your own desires. And “eating” is one of his most important desires. It’s his favourite thing to do, the one he derives the most pleasure out of. And like an animal, whose main focus is to consume, consume and consume. He too, simply consumes.

Most morals likely have no meaning to him. He doesn’t care who he hurts, what he does, as long as he’s able to get what he wants. And this isn’t limited to eating.

This is why people referring to Sukuna as a “Natural Disaster” is so befitting of him. Because Natural Disasters also don’t care about what or who they’re destroying, they just come and go, wreaking havoc appropriate for their nature and magnitude.

I believe Sukuna himself has said lines similar in nature, when talking to Kashimo:

Now I’m not sure how Sukuna perceives or even experiences this “Love”, because I think he has a rather very warped idea of it. I do think that this definition of love is similar to the one that Gojo also understands, but I don’t think he knows what “love” truly is. I’m not sure how I could comment on this, but I do think that Sukuna’s emotionally starved, whether he realises that or not.

Because, like Kashimo himself asked Sukuna “What is the point of dividing your soul into 20 different parts and then traversing across time if you’re satisfied with this?” we do not know the answer to that yet.

But many people have speculated that “Black Box” panels in JJK manga represent a curse (either self-inflicted or put by someone) on the speaker. Like, take a look over here where Sukuna reiterates the same dialogue, except it looks like he’s trying to reassure himself:

This once again shows that Sukuna has only ever strived for himself, in the same hedonistic fashion, to a very very extreme degree. It is possible that he's been lacking something, and he himself does not realise that he’s lacking it. Maybe it was this subconscious feeling, that led to Sukuna agreeing to Kenjaku’s plan of dividing his soul into 20 different parts, and to traverse across time as a Cursed Object.

Sukuna’s an incredibly complex character, and I’m excited to see where this goes. Gege has put extra care in the way he characterizes and depicts Sukuna, and again, I’m really sad that a lot of that characterization gets lost in translation. Still, I’m going to try my best to understand and get the most accurate feel of his character as I possibly can.

If you made it this far, Thank you for reading! And if you would like, please do leave a comment in the tags or replies because I would love to read what other people think of this and just Sukuna in general. I do not see a lot of people doing critical analysis of him, and a lot of his actions are seemingly swept under the rug. I don’t like that, so hopefully this contributes to people focusing more on Sukuna and his character. (/^v^)/ <3

[hitomisuzuya]

Hello! I've been lurking around for a while and I really enjoy how you write Scaramouche/Wanderer! If it's not much to request, how do you think the Wanderer would comfort fem! Reader who's quite emotionally sensitive and gets hurt by his rude/sarcastic manner of speech? I hate that sometimes, I don't feel like I deserve to self-ship with this character because I'm like: goddamn, Scara, it literally wouldn't cost you your life to be a little compassionate and humble🥹🥹

Wanderer x fem!reader. Comfort fluffy fluff fluff.

Trust me, I feel you. I really do🥺

Wanderer had no filter. Not with anyone, or with you. He knew he really should with you. Usually, you would know exactly what he meant, you were that patient with him.

But sometimes, it got to be too much. The insensitive comment from him this time being, "What use do I for have hobbies, much less hearing about yours."

At first, Wanderer didn't know what to do. He would freeze in place, his eyes a little wide. The second he saw tears well into your eyes, there was look in his that was rarely there: fear.

Making you cry was on his list of things he should never ever do.

"That was such a mean thing to say, Scara," You brushed some tears away that fell from your eyes, "you don't have to rub it in that I am a boring person."

...Shit.

When you turned away from him so that he wouldn't see you cry, Wanderer didn't stop you right away. He knew you didn't want him to see you cry and he didn't want to see it either. After a few moments, which he spent internally kicking himself, he put a hand on your shoulder before wrapping his arms around you.

He pulled you back against his chest. "I'm a jerk, I know," He murmured into your hair.

"You are. You really are," You leaned back into him, making Wanderer visibly relax. You didn't sound mad, nor did it sound like you were crying all that much anymore.

In other words, he knew he was on the right track.

Wanderer was sarcastic, egoistical, greedy, and self centered. But most importantly, he was brutally honest. It was because of this attitude that you could tell he was sincere when he said things like this, especially when followed up with what he said next.

"...I'm sorry," It was said barely above a whisper, but you'd heard it.

You let out a soft squeak of surprise when he scooped you up bridal style in his arms. "Let's go to bed now, I've woren you out enough for one day," He set you down on the bed, pulled the blankets over both you, and held you close to his chest.

His fingers stroked soothingly through your hair. You sighed contently, curling into him as you settled into his arms. Despite the fact that you'd forgiven him, you kind of wanted to hear him say how much of a jerk he was again.

He needed to do that sometimes.

After making sure you fell asleep first, Wanderer decided to sleep as well. Sleep was a luxury that he could chose to indulge in if he wanted. This act also showed how much he loved and trusted you.

[bridgertonblue]

I love the fact that before the trailer even dropped I said we were getting a Jane Austen’s Emma inspired season of Bridgerton and they straight up NAME DROPPED EMMA IN EPISODE 1!

I literally SCREAMED when Eloise said that that was what she was reading, and now that I’ve had more time to really think about it it makes her story arc/mannerisms in this season make a ton more sense. She’s always peaking around corners, asking Colin probing questions, and openly engaging in idle gossip about the situation between Penelope and Colin. And yes, the Whistledown of it all, I get that, but when you add in the fact that she’s reading Emma, a story about two life long friends/neighbors who fall in love, it makes her nosiness make ALL THE SENSE.

She NEVER noticed anything between Colin and Penelope before this season, she was always way more occupied in finding Whistledown or talking to Theo about women’s suffrage, etc etc. But she picks up a romance novel, and she almost immediately clocks into what’s going on between Colin and Penelope.

I can understand why she’s enjoyed Emma, especially after what happened between her and Pen because Emma is largely about platonic friendship. Yes, two friends(Knightley and Emma) fall in love at the end, but the majority of the novel is Emma trying to maintain her friendship with Harriet, who she absolutely cherishes. Emma, out of concern/a little selfishness, tries to set up Harriet with a well to do guy who lives in town so she can keep Harriet close to her, societally speaking. It fails miserably and Harriet gets hurt, which destroys Emma. She tries to set her up with Frank Churchill(oddly enough the guy everyone thought she’d end up dating) but Harriet falls for Knightley instead.

Knightley, Emma’s oldest friend/friend of the family(technically brother in law?), someone who she’s known since childhood, her closest neighbor, the guy she see’s nearly everyday, someone she never thought would ever marry because he’s always at her house and never talks or shows interest in any other women(but her which she’s oblivious too). Someone who always finds her and talks to her at every ball and every gathering, someone who’s opinion she values more then everyone else’s. And Harriet, her girl bestie, is in love with him, and oh god, what is this feeling? Why is watching Knightley and Harriet walk around and chat so painful?? Then Emma realizes, “oh shit, I’m in love with my best friend, I’m in love with Knightley”.

And when Knightley finally gets around to telling Emma how he feels, she’s not ecstatic or thrilled or happy, she’s UPSET because it means her bestie, Harriet, is about to be hurt by her actions AGAIN. The man she’s in love with tells her he loves her in a beautiful passionate speech, and all she can think about is “oh god what about Harriet??” Emma apolgizes and tries to fix things and Harriet finds a way to forgive her, and the weight of that forgiveness and having her friend back almost means more to her then getting to be with Knightley.

So, yeah, I can see how Eloise would connect with that novel. I can see how she’d open her eyes and notice the similarities between Knightley/Emma and Colin/Penelope, I can see how she’d enjoy the story of two girl besties fighting and figuring out a way to move forward and be friends again.

Anyway, that’s my rant. If you made it to the bottom of this long ass post then bless you!

[eeldritchblast]

Lae'zel is Autistic

(Note: This post was written by someone with professionally diagnosed autism. A lot of what I'm about to say of Lae'zel, I can personally relate to! This is not intended as negativity or hatred of her character; rather, it is one of the reasons I adore her.)

-----

I really don't like that the writers have attempted to tone down Lae'zel's "rudeness" perceived by the larger fanbase. It reminds me too much of how "rudeness" is so often less about hostility and more about one's ability to perform social interactions to the standards of neurotypical people. So for the writers to decide that Lae'zel is too "rude" for not saying her please and thank yous every time she speaks, for being direct, for struggling to have two-sided conversations... well, to me, that's just saying that there was something wrong with her they felt the need to fix. I spent years with people trying to "fix" me in special ed. To teach me how to present as neurotypical, like memorizing appropriate responses to common questions, and pretending to hold eye contact by looking at people's lips. While I will admit it helps me in the workplace for example to perform these things, it also taught me to hate myself for being faulty in the first place. That's something I still struggle with to this day. So when a character like Lae'zel comes along, who I can relate to in her coded autism, I don't want to see her changed. I want to see her celebrated.

Here are some of the signs of autism I've noticed in Lae'zel:

Difficulty regulating and understanding emotion:

Lae'zel is a very passionate person, and can get carried away by that passion. At the same time, she is not very good at self-inventory of her emotions. After she defies Vlaakith in Act 3, she asks the player to help her understand what she is feeling, because she cannot place it herself.

Directness:

As said above, Lae'zel is vert blunt in the way she communicates. If you've picked up the game only in later patches, let me tell you that she was originally even more so. If the player asks Lae'zel why she is the way she is, she says it's just because she is githyanki. While I certainly think some of this could be attributed to a difference in culture, we meet other githyanki, and they do not carry the same speech and manner she has.

Taking things literally:

Lae'zel equally does not understand indirectness from others, or idioms. For example, when Shadowheart asks if they have "buried the hatchet" between them, (an American idiom to mean "making peace" which by the way, is not a very appropriate idiom,) she answers with "why would I bury a weapon?" Again, this could be attributed to a difference in background, but nonetheless something to relate to.

Dislike of small talk:

Literally the first thing Lae'zel says to you after you recruit her is, "chatter already? Tas'ki."

Inflection:

Lae'zel is voiced with minimal modulation of intonation or pitch. As such, she sounds monotone and serious, even when the words she says are lighthearted or joking.

Difficulty handling change of routine/expectancy:

When things do not go as Lae'zel is determined they are supposed to go--for example, the machine she thinks will remove her tadpole not working as she believed it would--she has wild, uncontrolled outbursts.

-----

There's probably even more one could list here, but for now I'm done. I may edit this later, though.

[1-800-imagines]

red dress. | rafe cameron

part 1

set in season 3, episode 1! part of this is literally the scene word for word with dialogue LOL

you had been manhandled all the way into your house and ushered upstairs before you could even really get a good look. an armed guard had left a hand print on your arm from him gripping you. once you were finally in the room and he let you go, you just scoffed, "great manners."

he showed no emotion and just said, "dinner at eight. I'd clean up."

"can't you just tell me what I'm here for?" you said in a frustrated tone. after he just closed the door. you tried the handle and groaned - it was locked.

the bedroom was nice and had everything you would need including multiple of the same red dresses in different sizes with a note that said - pick your size.

after a while, you decided to put it on - not wanting to piss off whoever was keeping you captive. you were sitting on the bed, dressed way too fancy for a dinner downstairs when there was a knock and then the door opened and a woman stepped inside, "he's ready."

you followed her out of the bedroom and down the stairs, trying to get a glimpse of anything that might be useful for an escape.

the woman showed you into the dining room and you looked around, spotting a man with a buzz cut standing with his back towards you. he was pouring a drink - most likely liquor. "hey - uh," you said unsure what to say to your potential captor.

your heart flipped when the man turned around. it was rafe. it was your fucking ex-boyfriend.

rafe's eyes lingered on your body, scanning you up and down as he saw you. it was like his brain hadn't fully processed who you exactly were.

"you're fucking involved in this shit? what? did you have your dad kidnap me so i'd be forced to talk to you??" your tone was harsh. you hadn't spoken to rafe since you broke things off and jumped off the ship with john b and sarah, obviously picking their side. it had broken your heart to do it but what rafe tried to do to sarah - that wasn't the man you loved.

"what the hell are you talking about? why are you here anyway? trying to fuck up my deal?" rafe said gruffly while walking towards you.

"I wondered if your little reunion would cause sparks, you know." said a voice from the other room. your attention snapped towards the other man.

"who are you?" rafe asked, his tone shifting and his body moving closer and in front of yours.

"me? my name is carlos singh. it's a pleasure to meet you, mr. cameron," your stomach dropped at the fact that the unknown man knew rafe by name.

"and ms. y/l/n, I do apologize for the rough tactics to bring you in today." as mr. singh said that, rafe's eyes scanned over your body, his teeth gritting when he noticed the bruises on your arm. "come, I don't bite." he continued, turning on his foot to go into the other room.

before you could follow, rafe blocked the entrance and whispered, "did he hurt you?" his hand brushed against your arm.

"I'm fine rafe, but I want to leave here - like now." you said softly and continued to walk into the next room.

you could tell rafe wanted to kill the man for anyone putting his hands on you, but now wasn't the time. "rough tactics? what about me then?" rafe was seething and after every sentence his jaw clenched harder.

"yes, mr. cameron, false pretenses for you, but the ends justify the means, I'm afraid."

---

after sitting through singh's speech about what he wanted, him interrogating you about the diary, which you had denied knowing its whereabouts vehemently, he had walked you and rafe back to the room where you had been held earlier.

after opening the door, singh then threatened the two of you with only having one day to tell him where the diary was and that there was going to be a demonstration at the window. and with that, he left the door locking behind him.

while rafe banged on the door, you walked over to the window and pushed the curtains out of the way. rafe joined you, "who the hell is that guy?"

"he's the guy that got us off the island." you murmured, "his name is jimmy portis. he was trying to help me." your stomach dropped, yet again, when singh pulled out his gun as he looked up at the window towards you and rafe.

you and rafe both jumped when the gun fired and you turned instinctively into his chest. his arms wrapped around you and he put his face against your forehead. he put one hand in your hair on the back of your head to pull you closer.

"baby, I need to know, the diary, do you have it?" he asked, pulling away and tilting your face up towards him.

you hadn't even realized that he had called you baby at first, but there were bigger things than that going on so you just shook your head no, which was the truth, and said, "no I don't have it."

rafe nodded and kissed your forehead, "I'm so sorry. for everything."

comment if you want to be tagged for this fic OR my obx tag list in general!!

keep an eye out for part 2 where it's the rest of their night!!!!

[jiminrings]

in vain aka sugar baby (but not really) jungkook drabble series sneak peek

pairing: jungkook x reader

glimpse: jungkook likes the finer things in life, and you don’t like being lonely.

alternatively, jungkook’s your sugar baby — except the only thing he needs to do to get paid is to be your friend.

“Nope. No sex at all. No kisses or hugs or anything like that.”

A sense of pride almost fills Jungkook, almost, when he sees Namjoon’s face fall and twist both in amazement and confusion. It’s not that Jungkook thinks he’s better — he already knows it himself. He feels proud to have proved Namjoon wrong when he said it to his face that absolutely no one would pay for his snotty personality.

“Then how come you’re her sugar baby?” Namjoon asks, his hunger for the pasta he ordered (and waited for twenty minutes to arrive) subsiding. He doesn’t get it at all, not one single bit of him believing that Jungkook landed a sugar mommy that simply just wants him to be there.

Jungkook shrugs as if it’s the easiest thing to answer, the arrogance flowing through him like the breeze that goes through the door when you open it. Namjoon’s eyes turn out of instinct and while he had paid no attention to you initially, he does now when you’re walking towards them and his friend can’t see to shut up.

“I’m just there for company. She’s just alone and weird, I guess.”

Namjoon nudges him to stay still and stop talking with everything he could muster in one simple shove to his side, his mumbling too quiet for someone as dense as Jungkook to understand.

“What did you say?” Jungkook asks out-loud as if it pains him to not turn every single thought in his head into a literal speech bubble, turning his head abruptly. He finds himself face-to-face with you, only hovering awkwardly after catching wind of what he just said.

Namjoon, however, doesn’t even seem to meet his eyes — neither does Jungkook with yours. He turns back to his friend without a single acknowledgement to you, continuing to run his mouth as if you weren’t there in the first place.

“What are you so worried for?” he furrows his brows, going back to his laptop as he types gibberish to make it seem like he’s doing something important. He’s not bothered — not at all. “Y/N already knows I don’t need her like that. I’m only after her money, not her.”

The lump that appears in your throat is automatic because Jungkook is like this and you know it. He’s bumped into your “friends” (the better term would be acquaintances-I’ve-made-emptily-out-of-social-obligation) a few times already and he’s never been this rash with you, yet the first time that you see him with his friend, he makes you feel the smallest that you’ve ever been.

“Oh my god, Jungkook. Watch your fucking manners,” Namjoon grits immediately, the lack of Jungkook’s respect for you and perhaps for everyone else grating his ears. He clears his throat and straightens himself, much to his friend’s annoyance, before putting his hand out. “H-hi. I’m Namjoon, Jungkook’s friend.”

“Hi, Namjoon,” you greet courteously, your embarrassment burning away the longer that you’re distracted from how Jungkook’s regard for you to your face and to everyone else is the same. He’s always been transparent with you, unable to sugarcoat his words.

Simply put, Jungkook doesn’t like you. He means it when he says it to you casually right after you crack a joke in the middle of watching a movie, and he means it when he’s talking behind your back to Namjoon.

“Why are you here?” Jungkook asks, the bored look on his face striking right through you. You feel alone again despite being in a café full of people; even when you’re faced with him.

“I was thinking we could maybe get dinner together?” you ask even if it takes up all the remaining courage in you, the majority of it consumed when you put an effort into dressing yourself up today — for him.

“Busy,” Jungkook huffs, resting his chin on his palm. He stays seated throughout while you’re just standing there, waiting to have a shred of significant acknowledgement. “Can I have some money to get dinner with Namjoon instead?”

You shouldn’t be surprised anymore, not at all. Because while Jungkook isn’t consistent on keeping his end of the bargain, you keep yours loyally. You don’t want to be at fault and the raving urge in you to always keep people appeased overtakes you.

“Oh,” you mumble in realization, fumbling to open your bag and fish for your wallet. “Y-yeah, yeah. Sure.”

On the other hand, Namjoon can’t resist any longer. He physically can’t contain himself anymore, the breath that he’s been holding finally giving out because he can’t bear to see you like this because of Jungkook.

“Actually, count me out,” he interjects, ignoring the offended gasp he gets. He turns to you much more gently compared to the vitriol he has for Jungkook. “Are you, uhm — do you still need someone to eat dinner with… Miss Y/N?” he asks politely, wringing his hands together underneath the table.

Your mouth dries at his address for you and even more at his politeness, the realization that Namjoon’s actually kind to you despite only meeting you minutes ago hitting you belatedly. “I-… I do, yeah. But you don’t have to-…”

“No, no! I insist,” he scrambles to get out of his seat, intentionally hitting Jungkook on the bicep as he slings his backpack on his shoulder. “Some people don’t do their jobs correctly and could be a total asshole at that.”

Jungkook scowls at what’s clearly the dig for him, his annoyance running deep when you stay frozen.

Deeper when you snap out of it and nod your head shyly, and the deepest when you actually leave him.

It seems like fate’s fucking with him because as much as he should feel elated that your weekly transfer to him comes in now of all times, he doesn’t at all. He feels bad and he doesn’t ever feel that way. He’s never been left before; not like this at the very least.

You whisper to Namjoon on the way out, the reminder that you were embarrassed in front of him and probably to the curious patrons in the café staying vivid in your mind. “I’ll pay you. I’m sorry for taking up your time.”

“You don’t have to at all, miss. I promise,” Namjoon assures you as he opens the door for you, the two of you waiting side by side as you wait for your driver to go around back. He respects you but he’s comfortable already; enough to open up out of the blue. “You know, I’ve had… a sugar mommy in the past. You’re Jungkook’s first and really, I apologize for how rude he is,” he clicks his tongue, shaking his head in disapproval. “You’re not making him jump through hoops or force him into doing things or anything like that. All you’re asking for is companionship — I’m sorry that he’s bad at it.”

It stays quiet between the two of you until you find the right words that won’t make you want to crumple to the pavement out of shame.

“You don’t have to apologize in behalf of him.”

“I feel like I need to,” he trails, an uneasy chuckle leaving him. “Jungkook doesn’t ever apologize for anything.”

“Oh.”

The knot in your throat untangled minutes ago but it comes back again, this time for less pitiful reasons. “You’re really nice, Namjoon. Please tell me if you ever need anything,” your breath hitches in fear of overstepping, yet you push through anyway. “I know you’re already familiar with this uhm, this situation — and I’m still sorry for asking-! But do you… need money?”

Namjoon laughs heartily, genuinely — not mockingly like how Jungkook does.

“Yes, I need money,” he confirms breathlessly in between chuckles, sneaking a smile from your lips. “But I’d much rather give you companionship for free. I bet you’re already blowing through money with Jungkook who doesn’t even say thank you for anything.”

“Jungkook’s my first sugar baby too,” you meekly counter, shrugging your shoulders. You feel oddly brave in a burst of energy, partially influenced by how Namjoon didn’t even skip a beat from preventing Jungkook to make an even bigger fool out of you. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with having two sugar babies right?”

Out of the entire time that Namjoon’s been with you, he’s actually speechless for once and not the other way around.

While Namjoon seriously considers your offer though, Jungkook stews in his own anger. It’s too potent and too irrational, he thinks it might be jealousy.

.

.

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dun dun DUNNNNN!!! so far, there are five chapters of IV up :D if u wanna read them now + gain early access to general fics + read exclusive content — subscribe to my patreon :D

also, to get ahead of questions, i'm not yet sure if i'll also post in vain here on tumblr :O but IF i do though, it'll be around mid-2024!! :D

[tyran-the-tyranical]

I’m currently writing a fic and writing for Raphael is a little infuriating if I’m being honest.

Mostly because he has such a way about him, and unlike the other characters where there’s some room for deviation, he’s quite rigid in his mannerisms. So I’ve literally been scraping through his dialogue and ‘analysing’ his behaviour, and this is what I’ve ‘boggled’ it down to.

EDIT: This is actually really long, and in fact not boggled down at all, Keep Reading at your own peril...

(OK, So I've completely reorganized this post to be more readable) 

Raphael is a complex and multifaceted character, but here are some main character traits of his that I'll delve more into as we go on;  

-Manipulative and Deceptive 

-Arrogant and Condescending 

-Sadistic and Enjoys Suffering 

-Cunning and Strategic 

-Relishes Power and Control 

-Patient and Calculative 

-Dark Humor  

-Alluring and Subtly Flirtatious  

-Dual Nature and Contradictory  

-Hedonistic and Indulgent tendencies

-Ambition

Though Raphael wants to paint himself as an honest person, that still doesn’t mean he isn't Manipulative with us, he uses many tactics to gain our trust, from crafting this honest and helpful persona to literally threatening us and building pressure to make a deal to escape ceremorphosis. 

"I'm here to help, not harm” 

"I am master here. A prince of bargains cloaked like scarlet satin. All that hidden under sublimely obvious truths that cannot be discounted." (From Chapter 3 of his Diaries) 

“Come now, why playing hard to get when you're in deep over your tadpole head all those pretty little symptoms sundering skin dissolving guts they haven't manifested yet have they?" 

"I'll be around watching you squirm like a tadpole through a nice juicy brain" 

As we progress his threats go from subtle to outright fear-mongering, but this also goes into somewhat of his dual nature as when he moves past his honest persona to just pressuring you, he still wants to paint himself as some sort of Saviour. Of course, this is also just another tactic of his, painting himself as a friend or helper, as though he doesn't have his own ulterior motives, which sure he admits outright but in the ending where you do give him the crown he drops this façade and tells you he's planning on taking over more than the hells and will eventually come for you next. I also think this bleeds into his own needs to be adored, you can see this further in his little plaques he has around his house. 

"Am I a friend? Potentially, an adversary? Conceivably, but a savior? that's for certain. Try to cure yourself. Shop around - beg, borrow, and steal. Exhaust every possibility until none are left.  And when hope has been whittled down to the very marrow of despair that's when you'll come knocking on my door. Take all the time you need but make up your mind before you're counting down with tentacles"  

Additionally, this all just feeds into his performative nature - to the extent that he sometimes borders on narrator territory. He has his little monologues as he talks about us as though we’re characters in a story and he’s just recounting our actions to some unseen audience.  

[His speech before the Yurgir encounter is a good example of this]

 

"Through the dark, she went creeping and awoke what was sleeping" 

"The Shadows grow long and the hour is late" - also wherever this quote is from works well too 

There are even more subtle moments where he's still being performative, even when he's not physically present, which goes into his desire and constant longing to be seen as something akin to a True or Full Devil (or archdevil). Since he is a cambion he is restricted a lot by his mortal half. He is held back by his human needs like sleep and presumably food too. I think he tries to cover for this through excess, as if you go to the HoH in Act 3, you can see the food on the table is just filled to the brim of just rotten food, basically all of it wasted. Also, there are loads of scattered areas that have fruit or wine throughout his house. I believe he does this on purpose to try to come across as though food is nothing but a pleasurable activity he indulges in now and again rather than a necessity and he doesn't care if he wastes it (Also just saying he's rich, let them eat cake, L + Ratio). 

However his façade isn't perfect since he is still fallible, and he can fail/die. We can see this because, at every opportunity he possibly can, he attempts to convey this front of being omnipotent and powerful - as close as he can to an archdevil. To be fair, he manages to do this pretty really well, At times he can even come across as this truly unbeatable force, that we can’t ever truly defeat. This is exemplified by the fact that, even if we kill him, if we look in his logbook of previous visitors, it hints at him trying to find a way to cheat death by transferring his soul into a clone or something adjacent. 

Now whether he ever managed to accomplish this by the time we attack him is uncertain, (though there is a non-canon / cut content line where he begs for his father's help as we fight him, kinda of insinuating he never fully realized his backup plan in time and he’s actually afraid he’ll die, but that’s also not in the game so who can say for sure) 

“I cannot lose to you. Not here. Not in my home. I cannot die! Mephistopheles, hear your son! I am at your mercy - save me!” - NOT CANON BTW, but omg do I love this line 

Another slight hint that Raphael might not be as indestructible as he'd like us to believe is when he is playing lance board with Mol. 

"My, the double counter Gambit. Vicious. Exactly what I would have done" 

Now for all intents and purposes Raphael does not need to win against Mol, that wasn't the purpose of their game, either way he already had his eyes set on her to make a deal anyway. Yet it demonstrates that whether you cheat or actually manage to outwit him, he can be beaten, since he can't hide behind a persona when playing (Mostly). 

Furthermore, Raphael is like an English teacher, he loves his little similes and metaphors, and just talking in a verbose manner, and it’s not just word vomit, no no no, he makes it sound interesting, he is performing for us after all. For me personally tho, it’s difficult to replicate, unlike other characters or companions where you can deviate their dialogue, like hearing Astarion say ‘fuck you’ to Cazador, I don’t think you could get away with that for Raphael.  

"The mouse smiled brightly it outfoxed, then down came the claw and that love was that"  

"Perfect, one more rhyme for Old Time's sake; The master was slain within his own house, they dined on him both, the cat and the mouse."  

"Like a mosquito nibbling at a dragon, be gone"  

I also think it's so interesting that the man who does nothing but spout rhymes and poetry will say this if you call his poetry out for being dirt; 

"I admit it isn't my primary interest not, by any stretch" 

Excuse me, sir?  I do think he genuinely likes poetry/writing in general, he supposedly even wrote a play before sooo, also I just think that all these contradictory things he says are on purpose, he's trying to be mysterious to some extent, and he doesn't want you to be able to gauge or understand him, he just wants you to believe in his persona he's crafted for you and that's all. Though like I've said before, his mask can slip off, especially in private or when he's enraged. An example is when he's referring to his employees who have failed him.  

"[A record of various associates of Raphael's, listing their duties, and their respective performance.] 

Korrilla Hearthflame - field work - so far I've barely 

had to singe the tips of her fingers. This one shows promise. 

Archivist - naughty boy, supposed to be looking after the collection, 

but has a tendency to drift. May have to start breaking his neck to 

give his spine a chance to recover. 

Nubaldin - little shit let Gortash get away. Not letting 

him near the prisons ever again. Chamber of Egress will 

do fine until I find a replacement for him." 

Moreover, he’s also very condescending/patronizing. (I think even in one of his dialogues, the devs noted he should even come across that way). I think that’s just a part of his little superiority complex, he’s the chess player and we’re all just his little pawns (that is until we kill him ourselves, it almost makes me think that Tav/Durge is actually the other player in the game and to some extent Raphael knows this and tries to play accordingly). He constantly wants to portray this cool and confident personality, that he’s accounted for every possible outcome (and in a lot of ways he has) and that even if he doesn’t get what he wants, it doesn’t faze him, and in fact, he’ll try to make it seem like either way it benefits him, and sure in some ways it might, but I do believe he’s just saying that to mask his failure to achieve his goal. 

"I should snuff you out and make coin of your soul, but it will be more amusing to let you see the consequences of your actions. Do you really think that the crown is safer in the hands of a goddess than in the claws of a devil?" (Look, I don't like Mystra, but do I think the crown is safer with her? UH yea)  

"Such an eager little pup."  

"You really do think highly of yourself. My sights are set on something much more valuable than your soul, succulent though it would be."  

He's Definitely pissed at us for being a little shithead and giving the crown to Mystra (even tho in the game if you complete Gale's quests you rlly have no choice lol) But he still tries to play it off as this will be terrible for you but great for him, since if shit hits the fan, he's just gonna get more souls - Though I'm sure this is him just trying to save face, or at least to some extent. We can see him actually lose his composure if we ascend Gale. 

"Do not toy with me, Wizard!" - R 

"I thought you liked playing games? You can have the crown Raphael, but you'll need to come and collect it from my realm" - G 

"You can't do this!" - R 

"I hit him where he's most vulnerable, pricked his pride, and sent him back to the hells to lick his wounds. He'll be back, the question is will he find us side by side?" - G 

This is really fun to see since even Gale knows Raphael has no power over him and can just mess with him, and initially, Raphael tries to gain control by saying like 'Oh no, I'm not going to take the crown Gale's going to give me it, like we agreed' and then when Gale fucks with him and it utterly infuriates him because there's not much else he can do really since Gale, though he might not be as powerful as Mystra, is definitely more powerful than Raphael. I also think it's very interesting that, even though we've basically gone against Raphael and screwed him over, he doesn't plan on taking it out on us, and I know he says he wants us to see the consequences of our actions but I think there's a different reason to why he doesn't take action against us. I think he's genuinely afraid of us, let me explain. He was clearly already afraid of our potential before any of the endings, shown in his dream he wrote about in his diary, and when we manage to survive everything that the game throw at us and defeat the nether brain, we've basically become undefeatable (Not really but you get what I mean) The only time he even suggests he'll take one of our souls is if Gale explodes while trying to ascend and well, there's not going to be much resistance since he's already blown up. 

"There was one among them who spoke for the rest. They gestured to the melting hooks, suddenly glanced my way, and in their face I saw they had the best of me. 

In waking, my courage has firmed. I progress my plans for

the tadpoled even now. 

I am Raphael. I am not easily bested." 

Raphael is not only fueled by his ambition but his fear (I'll talk more about that later too) and so he acts accordingly, he plans and schemes for hundreds of years trying to account for every possibility, and at times he can even come across as a total control freak lol. He has Korilla literally stalk us throughout the game, he also knows personal facts about our companions (he’s done his homework), and he’s literally planned and orchestrated events in the plot to help lean towards us giving him the crown in the end (it’s implied he helped vlaakith chain Orpheus or idk some other devil did with infernal chains, and he’s the one who helps wipe Ketherics lil army to just one justiciar) he’s had a lot of time to plan and plan he has. He’s constantly aware of your movements since he picks very specific points to appear to you.  

"[Laughter] The good thing is though there's only one little voice you really should listen to, Mine" - Total control freak behavior  

"you'll be back, it's something of great importance to your master is it a love letter a warning or a deed of ownership I can give you all the Gory details"  

"Carved into that Ivory skin of yours is one part of an infernal contract between the archdevil Mephistopheles and your former master" 

"Karlach, why does that name ring a bell? hmm, perhaps I read it in a book somewhere." 

An interesting thing to note is that I think his controlling and performative tactics are the ultimate reason to why he inevitably fails (If you decide to kill him I mean) Since he's spent so much time controlling the narrative literally and figuratively, he's literally altered events leading up to our arrival so that we can give him what he wants and he even talks about us as if we are just a character in his story he's created, he's been doing this so long he truly believes he can control the narrative, that he's predicted every outcome and he really doesn't think we'd go against that we could go against him. He's been so out of the narrative himself, an observer who might nudge things to go his way now and then but never be in the action himself that he truly believed he was untouchable, that he could just float above it all like he did with Karsus’s folly happened. 

Now onto an aspect of Raphael I find very interesting – His relationship's with those around him. As I said before he’s a total control freak, and that’s clearly fueled (if not caused) by his narcissism and we can see that even outside of our protags. Look at Haarlep for instance, (there’s so much to dissect with these two) but Raphael strictly has Haarlep made to look like himself, and is the only form he’ll sleep with. There isn’t just one answer to why he’d do that, firstly, it just boils down to him being a narcissist sure, but on the other hand a point can be made that he’s doing it strategically. 

Haarlep was sent to distract him, and presumably to spy and report back as well (Hypothetically, it's not confirmed) and presumably, Raphael is clever enough to realize that. So why would he reveal anything about himself in such a vulnerable way, so why not just make the incubus be in one form and one form only? It also serves as a lil bit of a punishment I suppose, since Haarlep can be 1000 different people but is forced to stay as one. There’s also another angle to this, that narcissists generally find intimacy difficult, and being vulnerable with other people. So why be vulnerable when you can stick to the devil you know? 

Party member: How did you end up here? 

Haarlep: Sent by Mephistopheles... distract naughty son. 

He knows himself better than anyone, so why would he bother with anyone else? It’s a bit of a defense mechanism, he’s not willing to be vulnerable or let his guard down (and to be fair, for good reason) so it’d be better for him to stick to what he knows, what he’s comfortable with. I’m just going to throw this out here but he comes across as a total hedgehog dilemma sorta of guy, gives off real Shinji Ikari vibes tbh. (NOT REALLY, He's more Gman than anything but just without the charisma 💅) 

Party member: Did you ever turn into forms besides Raphael's? 

Haarlep: Raphael... loves... only... Raphael. 

Now, this is just supposed to be a Raphael analysis but I find it impossible not to mention Haarlep and their motivations as well, since they are arguably the closest person (Literally) to Raphael. Haarlep comes across as a complete gossip type since they seem to just love to air out Raphael's little secrets, they even say how Raphael can Deny them nothing so either Raphael does trust them to some extent to make them his confidant or well, Haarlep just Wittles it out of him during their sessions. Either way, they hold some closeness to Raphael, yet I find it revealing that they immediately will expose him and actually help you (for a price ofc) and intentionally try to help you kill Raphael. Now whether they believed we could actually kill him or not is up for debate, but after you give them your form they do say that they'll enjoy misusing you and they do tell you what will happen when they use your form, so if they believed you were going to die why bother? 

Haarlep doesn't seem to be the only one as in their letter to you in the epilogue it's revealed that even the devils in Mephistopheles's court seemed to hate Raphael. 

"Since the timely end of Raphael's reign, I've gone back to Mephistopheles' Palace in Cania. Many of his Father's court are celebrating the demise of my little brat - behind closed doors. And I'm making a fortune selling evenings in his form now there is no contract binding me to secrecy. Rather tasteless to desire a dead man like that, even amongst devilkind, isn't it?" 

Haarlep even calls Raphael their little brat, though perhaps it was out of endearment as even Haarlep remarks how low it is to desire a dead man when they use Raphael's form. This could possibly show some sort of remorse towards Raphael's death, but it's pretty unclear, yet that's also to be expected since Haarlep is a full devil and they even state they're a crueler master than Raphael so perhaps that was true as well. It genuinely seems that no one actually cares for Raphael, besides perhaps Korilla, and I mean that's fair in all honestly, considering how he treats most of his employees (Hope too) but it's also funny that the people he wants to impress or become most, the devils, also hate him or want to well.. Have some fun times with his form after he's already dead.  I also think it's interesting that Haarlep refers to Raphael as a dead man rather than a devil, they don't even say 'amongst his own kind', It's interesting because Raphael himself is so adamant on calling himself a Devil rather than cambion or whatever (tbf he's not the only one, Mizora does the same or at least out characters don't care to make the distinction) Yet Haarlep doesn't care to make that distinction. Now, of course, man doesn't necessarily mean a mortal man or whatever, but it's still intriguing to note.

An interesting thing to note about Devil society is that, unlike Demons who usually just outcast or kill their cambions, Devils at least allow Cambions to intergrade into their Hierarchy, but at the same time it's a system that wasn't built for them to succeed in since cambions can't physically be promoted, they aren't guaranteed anything form their work, so everything they have, they've had to work hard for. Unlike those around him, Raphael has had to work extra for his position (though I'm sure his title of Son of Mephistopheles did help somewhat) he seems to have it quite good, and tbh I even initially thought he was his own free agent, and didn’t even have to serve under Zariel (but he does) he just has it really good, or at least better than most cambions from what it seems. At the same time, I find it intriguing that he sparsely even mentions who he is in relation to his father. Through subtle hints throughout that game, it's clear that Raphael actually probably hates his father or is perhaps extremely jealous of him, since at the same time he mirrors him in some aspects.  

I think the Dungeoncast said it best when examining the devil's mindset that I also think apply to Raphael quite well too;

"Their dogma essentially revolves around seeking power over others, always adhering to an eye-for-an-eye principle. They exploit any kindness shown to them and show no compassion for the weak, exhibiting traits of a sociopath. Winning at any cost is their mantra, often cloaked in the guise of promoting personal excellence and independence. When they harm others, they rationalize it as providing motivation to succeed."

Even though his society basically looks down on him, whether he's successful or not, Raphael still believes in their mindset, mostly since that's probably how he's survived and thrived in the Hells. This mantra that the devils have has warped who he is as a person entirely and also his ambitions, he doesn't want any other than control, he sees no point in forming meaningful relationships or other interests, and he only sees domination and power as his goal since that's all his society has told him is important.

Another thing I’ve read about cambions is their sense of entitlement, especially over mortals, and well Raphael certainly fits the bill. Which might contribute to why he wants what he wants. I mean, why does Raphael want to take over the hells? To end the blood war? Sure, almost all devils want to rise the ranks but Raphael’s goals are a lot more lofty than that, and why is that? Is it solely his ego? To be seen as something kin to a god-like Asmodeus, or is it to best and humiliate his father? Perhaps both, or perhaps neither, it’s somewhat unclear, but perhaps he just feels entitled to something greater or maybe he wants out of the rat race that is the Devil's Hierarchy.  

"It's the Fatal flaw of mortal kind take away their free will and they call you a tyrant, allow them to indulge it and they become tyrants" 

 

A final point is since he’s a narcissist, he’s obsessed with his image, yea I know, very obvious. And it’s been mentioned a few times that this is probably why he and Haarlep look so different, it’s either insecurity or wanting to come across as something more mature, why he’d look older than Haarlep when they should be an exact copy. It’s the whole reason he’s been performing, curating this image to us, one that he barely even allows himself to break at home unless he’s enraged. If you look at it for what it is, it’s just insecurity and almost desperation. A desperate desire to be seen as something greater, something akin to his father (daddy issues are making their appearance) and it honestly comes across as erratic, and extreme. 

 

He’s so obsessed with his image that perhaps when Haarlep said they’re a perfect copy of Raphael they didn’t mean as an exact copy, they meant they’re are literally a perfect version of Raphael, a better version (most likely a result of insecurities of how he's perceived). Who can say for sure what the reason is why they look so different if they’re supposed to be mirrors of each other. His whole obsession with is image really matches his father, since Mephistopheles is known to change his appearance and curates it for mortals as well (It's why he's confused with Asmodeus a lot since he just goes for a basic generic devil look). 

One more thing, considering all the characters we meet throughout the game, Raphael is or is one of the oldest characters in-game, seeing as he's possibly 1000+ years old. Considering this, it makes sense that on top of him being a devil anyway, he finds himself detached from mortals as well as his own mortal half. Though he is quite proactive in his contract seeking seeing as he not only seeks us out but characters like Mol and Lyrthindor (Tho that was more towards orchestrating his own goals) Otherwise he can just sit up in his Ivory tower devoid of mortal's strive, I mean he even says multiple times that his house is a safe haven for the tired/sick/restless/etc. On top of him already trying to detach himself from his mortal half, he also has the benefit of being so old that he probably has already become numb to it, to mortal thoughts and feelings. He wouldn't be able to emphasize or understand it (tho him being a devil wouldn't have helped either) all he would understand is how to use their suffering to his own benefit. Any possibility for humanity within Raphael is either so faint it's practically not there or there is none left entirely.  

"Never have I been so attracted to mortals as I am to those infested by the tadpole." 

He even says this himself. Mortals have never had any impact on him, physically or emotionally. Yet in saying that, they've never really been given the chance to. The closest a mortal besides us the player to have ever gotten 'close' to Raphael or have impacted him is Hope. Raphael is not only a complex character but he has so many complex relationships with the few people he lets around him. As I said before Raphael is completely blinded to humanity, he's definitely a person who believes the ends justify the means and that has never been more evident than in what he does with Hope. He doesn't care what It takes just as long as it gets him what he wants, that's why he helps orchestrate the plot to lean in his favor, why he basically tricks Yurgir, and why he has no problem torturing Hope even though she's basically no one to him, she isn't even a debtor.  

Though Raphael is almost completely removed from being anything close to a human being, even after all this time, whether he likes it or not, he still does have some human traits. His interests for one help humanize him (Which tbh he is probably aware of and uses to his advantage) Sure he likes poetry and literature, but he's also just obsessed with everything surrounding Karsus and Hope (or at least the concept) He even names his house The House of Hope and whether he renamed it that after Hope or whether that was it's original name isn't clear but either way he really likes the idea of hope in hell. You can see this throughout his house on the little plaques he has scattered throughout, he definitely wants to be people's last hope or perhaps just hope in general, it would make sense as well since he wants to literally break hope and bend her under his will. 

"Karsus's folly the Bard and Scholars call it. I call it hope, the hope of creating a better world, and The Perils of unchecked hubris"  

(Karsus and Hope are basically his only two special interests that he starts to literally combine them) 

Another very human trait of Raphael’s is that Raphael has a fear of failure. He even has dreams about us destroying everything he's worked for and killing him.  

"There was one among them who spoke for the rest. They gestured to the melting hooks, suddenly glanced my way, and in their face I saw they had the best of me. 

In waking, my courage has firmed. I progress my plans for the tadpoled even now. 

I am Raphael. I am not easily bested." 

Even though he reassures himself that he is Raphael and cannot be easily bested it's clear he's still very desperate. The only variable in his plan that he can't truly control is Us and he definitely knows this. Even other characters like Gale can tell how desperate he is. His facade of Invincibility is one of the tactics he uses against us to keep us in check against him. To be honest, all these things lend to humanizing him far greater than any poetry or quote he could ever spout because it shows his vulnerability, it shows he's not as invincible as he'd like us to believe, that he does have weaknesses and can in fact fail. A very mortal trait to have in all fairness. 

Also on another quick note, he totally has a special interest (obsession) in Karsus, like him seeing Karsus accidentally kill thousands of people in the netherese cities became a core memory for him, one that he’s never let go, even now.  

"The archdevil Mephistopheles snatched up the crown and squirreled it away in one of his vaults. He is not more than a frigid archivist"  

"I want the crown that dominates the Elder brain and then we all Gather in the House of Hope me dressed in my finest silks, you skinless, hanging from a hook to watch as your world dies"  

"you would have been Heroes if you only dealt fairly with me, instead you're not so different to doomed Karsus, overreaching your limits and burning your world to Ash"  

"The screams oh the screams hundreds of thousands of people watching in horror as the ground came up to meet them" 

His ambitions seem to be fueled a lot by his narcissism and this belief that he can achieve all he's set out for and actually do a good job in implementing order, etc. Whether this is a founded belief or not is debatable, since we don't really know what he achieves past supposedly Avernus. 

"Though with the crown, I would impose perfect order, Unity, efficiency, control, my kingdom would control its borders and stay within them" (Sure pal) 

OK, onto the kicker here; Raphael is a very alluring character, he can even come across as flirtatious at times (Also through his body language and I obvs can't demonstrate that here but u get it) Throughout the game he's saying how he'll wine and dine us if we give him what he wants, yet In the ending where we actually give him the crown, I think it's so telling that after all his promises of dining with him and getting to see him again if we deliver it, he literally doesn't follow through at all (There's a debate for this since we don't know if he might've once his plans were done) and this just proves what we were to him; that we were in fact just pawns to him. Even if he does invite us to dine with him, it'll most likely be with a purpose, that he wants something from us or for us to do something for him because otherwise he's gotten all we wanted from us, the facade has been lifted and he doesn't need to try charm or threaten us, he's effectively done with us (literally, since it is an ending). It's all just another aspect of his manipulation and Persona he uses against us (And I mean, It worked) We're all just a means to an end for him. 

ALSO, A little side thing I should note is the silly lil Dark humor Raphael has. Raphael, being a devil and all, definitely has a dark humor. You can defo gather that from his dialogue but also the way he comes up with creative punishments for his debtors. Now some of it is just basic evil shit like the guy who does the Self-flagellation stuff and the one who's forced to act like a dog, but some of it is more than that, like the guy who worships his chamber pot which just so happens to be under the statue of Mephistopheles or the debtor who's forced to dance (which I think is a reference to The Red Shoes story/movie where the character is literally forced to keep dancing) or the chick who just voyeuristically watches what goes down in the boudoir, like yea it's horrible but sometimes it just cartoonishly ridiculous and you can't help but find it somewhat amusing. 

"Hope [Laughter] such a tease" like when he says this, unbeknownst to us, he's referring to the real-life Hope, more of an inside joke to himself really. 

On top of all that - this specific paragraph isn't really poignant to Raphael's character necessarily, it's more of a personal observation but - I think if there were to ever be a romance with Raphael the best option is to not give him the crown (tho I do kinda wanna see him with his lil crown being the prince of hell). It's similar to Gortash, in that if you want to be his equal you shouldn't grovel and just give him the netherese shards, you need to challenge him and show your mettle basically. Now I'm not saying Raphael would be pleased with this, but if you wanted to be an equal, this is the best route, otherwise, there's always going to be that power imbalance like with ascended Astarion. (AKA, kill him, Do It) 

My final point that I wanna make is, that all the characters in Bg3 are designed with a fatal disbelief. Y'know Gale believes if he becomes a god he can prove himself to Mystra, Lae'zeel believes that  Vlaakith is righteous and will allow her to ascend, Shadowheart believes she can find herself/ her purpose in Shar, and Astarion believes he'll finally be safe if he becomes the vampire ascendant, yet we that these believes are all unfounded and end up being untrue wif they achieve them, and the same goes for Raphael. Now, if Raphael achieves his goal of getting the crown, he most likely will still end up not getting what he wants, for two reasons; Asmodeus literally cannot be defeated - Let me explain; So there are a few origins for Asmodeus and to most popularized one (and the one I prefer) is the one where he and some of the other archdevils were actually previously angels that got corrupted while fighting demons. 

Yet, in earlier editions, it's stated that all of that is just speculation and mythos surrounding Asmodeus and his real origin is that he is literally a cosmic force that was there at the beginning of time. OK. Now personally I don't care for this origin but either way, whichever one you believe I think my next point still stands the same. Whether Asmodeus is just a being that has achieved something as close to godhood as he can or a literal cosmic force of lawful evil, Raphael probably would still be unable to defeat him even with the Crown and scepter and any other of Karsus's little items, he most likely if anything could only get to the eighth layer. Now in saying this, this is still not his disbelief, because his personal belief is also one that all devils share, which is a complete lie, that being the entire hierarchy they abide by. Every devil abides by this meritocracy hierarchy, and the belief that if they become more powerful, and ascend - that they can reach Asmodeus status, but this is a complete an utter lie. Asmodeus keeps this facade that he could be defeated, but in truth, he's kinda way too powerful for any of the devils in hell, and he knows this and uses it as a tactic to keep them in his control.  

Now Raphael to some extent knows that he has to basically cheat to be even able to ascend, since he's a cambion and the hells system wasn't exactly designed for him to be promoted. Yet even if he manages to conquer every layer up to Cania, he's still going to lose since he's basically destroying the hierarchy and therefore he won't have control over the devils beneath him. Now the crown can be used to literally dominate people but that's not what Raphael necessarily wants - He wants to be adored and willingly followed, and of course, he'll use the crown when he has to, but to wholly subjugate everyone in hell to mindlessly obey doesn't seem to be his goal. There are more practical reasons as well why there are certain devils that have control over the layers, and Raphael, no matter what power he can possess, is still just one individual, and inevitably it seems as though there would be a lot of chaos rather the perfect order he believes he can achieve. 

I know that the crown can basically make you a god, and if Asmodeus has powers akin to a god and Raphael can theoretically do the same, then why can't he just defeat Asmodeus? well, it goes into Raphael's fatal flaw, his arrogance. If we look at Gale, for example, he made himself a literal god and still wasn't powerful enough to defeat Mystra, and yes, Raphael 'Is no mortal' but this is what I mean, he believes is above Karsus and Gale, that he'll succeed where they failed but that's just not the case. Like I've said before, Raphael desperately wants to be seen as more, his ego won't let him accept anything less but that still doesn't change the fact that he is fallible, and we don't have to look any further than when we managed to defeat him. Now in saying all this, this is all theoretical and kind of bleeds more into an opinion, since we don't know what plays out after he gets Avernus, perhaps the other archdevils managed to kill him before he achieved anything, or perhaps he really did manage to conquer Baator and the other realms, Who knows. (I might be cooked for saying this, especially since I do wanna see him be a lil prince of hell, but arguably giving him the crown, besides being our bad ending, is also his bad ending - No further explanation) 

Like I know I said, this is what I’ve boggled it down to and well, it’s not very boggled, but that’s what I mean! There’s so much going on with this little guy, it’s almost hard to keep up with, you gotta write him as suave and mysterious but also somewhat threatening and intimidating, he has to be articulate and persuasive as well as theatrical, while also keeping in mind his manipulative and narcissistic/egotistical tendencies, which doesn’t come easy to write for. 

This isn’t a slight by any means either, he’s a complicated character and that’s why I like him, but my sorry ass struggles to replicate it 🥲 though I hope this post will be a good reference to circle back to when writing for him. 

[jen-said-that-]

'I Think Maybe You Thought It Was Something Else' - Goldfinch Analysis

I expend so much mental energy thinking about this conversation. Was Boris really being honest here? Did their encounters mean so little to him? Tartt implies it did occur at least once after he began dating Kotku, so I'm not sure his explanation about 'needing girls' holds up. How heartbreaking for Theo, who so plainly adores Boris and has had an ongoing sexuality crisis over his experiences with him for years.

I did read a good analysis about this recently, which highlighted that Boris is a person of action. He is regularly dishonest and hyperbolic in speech, but he acts authentically. Therefore, I think he shows his love for Theo in the way he outwardly behaves towards him, both in Vegas era and NYC/Amsterdam time – he kisses him goodbye, he's the one to initiate all of their physical affection in general, and let's not forget his life advice, 'stay away from the ones you love too much, those are the ones who will kill you,' right before he quite literally risks his life for Theo and was willing to die so he could escape in that parking garage.

Why the aloof attitude about their sexual history, then? What's his motivation for undermining it in this offhand, callous manner? I think there are a few possibilities. Boris is very observant, and sees Theo's discomfort with queerness plainly over the years he's know him. Think about how defensive Theo becomes even just a few minutes before this interaction when Boris asks if Hobie is is partner, much to Boris's annoyance. Or, when they were in Vegas, how put off Theo acts when Boris asked if Hobie was 'an old poofter?' (said light-heartedly by Boris, but taken rather seriously by Theo). I get the sense that Boris suspects Theo is queer and very uncomfortable with it, and so he doesn't want deal with Theo's reaction to addressing their past sincerely.

Another possibility is tied up in Theo as an unreliable narrator. We find out in this conversation that Theo said and did a whole lot that we never heard about from his perspective during the Vegas years, whether that be due to him blacking out or simply because the narrative is framed through his own internalised homophobia. Who knows what he said to Boris about their relationship at that time, blackout drunk, or how his shame and discomfort generally affected Boris? I've always thought the suddenness of Boris's attachment to Kotku strange. He seems perfectly content and fulfilled by his intimate relationship with Theo and then one day is wholly engrossed in this random girl? This could be reaching, but I've imagined that perhaps Theo's unchecked depression and shame about his sexuality became too much for Boris. Perhaps he had to disengage for his own good.

Which brings me to my final conclusion – Boris here is essentially rejecting Theo before he gets 'rejected' himself, because loving someone who is ashamed of their sexuality feels like a constant rejection. Boris has faced a lot of loss and abandonment in his own life. He clearly fears vulnerability and real, lasting intimacy (consider his inability to remain in one place very long, lack of faithfulness in his various relationships, mistrust for anything stable or safe, etc). While he may not have the internalised homophobia in the same way Theo does (he seems fairly easy going and accepting towards other queer characters), his major obstacle to being honest with Theo about how he feels is his fear of rejection and commitment which permeates his adult life. Otherwise, this conversation would just indicate that he does not feel very deeply for Theo at all, which we know is not true. The text supports requited feelings between them that never get properly addressed. One of the (many) great tragedies of this novel.

[ifishouldvanish]

Some Olrox Analysis & Headcanons

Have you seen this man? Now you have! 🥰

I have a lot of thoughts about Olrox Castlevania Nocturne and I'm dumping them here.

DISCLAIMER: We know so little about Olrox's past and I am but a humble stan looking at an expressionist painting and projecting my own deranged nonsense onto it. I'm fully prepared for 90% of this to get jossed in season 2, but for now I'm just letting the worms in my brain wiggle and send me beautiful visions of what could be 🥹

1. Olrox Was a Commoner and Does Not Respect Hierarchies

I've seen people point to his manner of speech and dress as evidence that he must come from a privileged background, but I think he displays too much contempt for the wealthy/nobility to have been one himself. I think these things are just symbols of power he has learned to use to his advantage.

Of course, there's everyone's favorite quote: "I prefer my blood blue." But he also demonstrates virtually no respect for authority or symbols/institutions of power in general:

He refuses the escort sent by the marquis when he arrives in France and insists on staying at the inn because he likes to "keep his ear to the ground". He would rather be around 'the people' than accept anything from the wealthy.

When Drolta is reminiscing about her glory days as a priestess, there's really not any nostalgia or sentimentality when he interrupts and says "and now those temples are half-buried in dust."

For as good as he is at presenting himself as a Gentleman of Status, he cannot bring himself to even pretend to enjoy himself at Erzsebet's lil debutante ball at the chateau.

When Erzsebet insists she is a goddess, his response is "Of course you are, sweetie 🙂"

His whole speech to Mizrak in the morning-after scene is basically a deconstruction of what power means, and how it is only a perceived vs tangible thing, a temporary position vs an immutable one:

"There are petty demon princelings you can haggle with and cheat. There are demon charlatans whose faces you can laugh in, spit in. There are demons who once were gods... And those who still are."

Foucault? In MY anime adaptation of a vampire video game?? It's more likely than u think 🤔

(continued under the cut bc this got long as hell)

2. Olrox was an Adult when Cortés Arrived

(I don't have a relevant screenshot for this point, so here's Olrox being pretty for no reason)

I've seen it float around some places that if we adhere to historical timelines to a 'T', it would make most sense for him to have been a child, but I'm of the opinion that it's more useful to take what the text itself gives us and fill the gaps with bits and pieces of the actual history where it's convenient. At the end of the day, this is a work of fiction/fantasy. So what does the text tell us?

He lived a long time as human and vampire

As of 1783, he'd been a vampire for approximately 250 years

Now, if we want to take this 250 figure literally, that would put the year of his turning at 1533. But I think we can give ourselves +/-15 years leeway because 250 is just the kind of rounded, even number one would use in natural speech in place of "267" or some shit like that. It's just how believable dialogue is written. So what lies in this +/-15 year window? The invasion by the Spanish, 1519-1521.

Now, he tells Mizrak: "Long ago, when I was still human, I watched men wade ashore from ships..."

I think this is another case of how important dialogue is. Because if he was a boy at the time, this line would likely have been written as "Long ago, when I was just a boy..." or something like "One of my earliest memories is of..." instead. "Still human" implies not only was he a human, but that he had been human for quite some time already. That the events he's describing fall in the stretch of time leading up to "still human" no longer being true.

tl;dr: the Spanish arrival and him becoming a vampire happened within a few years of each other, and if turned vampires stop aging, then he would have had to have been an adult at the time.

3. Olrox Became A Vampire Willingly

I assume that vampirism is something that was introduced to the Mexica by the Spanish in the same way it was introduced to Haiti by the French, in Annette's case.

However, rather than vampires creating spawn left and right, the persistent lore (in the show at least) is that to be turned is to be accepted into the sort of elite in-group of vampire society. (Carmilla questioning why Lisa was never turned, the Count never turning slaves, etc). Vampires feed on humans, they don't view them as potential spawn to have in thrall or whatever.

The Spanish weren't going around giving natives The Bite, because vampirism is power. So what I think, is that Olrox recognized that power, and decided to take it for himself. Rather than being the passive 'recipient' of the 'gift' of vampirism, he pried it from some Spanish vampire's cold, undead hands. (i.e., he drank their blood)

Do I have any proof of this? No. It's just what the worms in my brain are telling me 🤷 But!!

Do I think it would be a sexy little inversion of the way Erzsebet drank a god's blood to obtain her power? Yes.

Do I think it would be thematically very appropriate for a morally grey character who seems to have a very... Interesting relationship with power (individual power vs institutional powers, the subverting of power, the weaponization of symbols of power, etc)?? Oh absolutely fuck yes!!1!

[sickos.jpg]

4. Olrox Was a Priest, But Not Like That.

Priesthood in the Mexica empire was largely dominated by the nobility, whose children would be sent to the calmecec to learn how to read and write, speak the noble dialect, perform rituals, etc. But if the circumstances were right, the children of commoners could also get in!

Olrox says he's never been much of a believer, but he's highly intelligent and incredibly good at reading people. Even if he was never a man of faith, the priesthood was still a powerful institution where one could climb the ranks and earn influence over the nobility. No doubt someone as sharp and charismatic as Olrox would be able to take advantage of the opportunity to get a good education and maybe try to undermine the system from within/play a bit of political games while he was at it.

Also... Olrox's weapon of choice is the dagger. Obviously a dagger is an appropriate weapon for a character who's kind of rogue-ish, but also consider: Aztec warriors used a lot of weapons in combat: clubs, spears, arrows, axes—but an obsidian dagger? That's something that would have been used by a priest during rituals.

5. Olrox is a Bitch™ Who Knows Just What to Say to Get Under People's Skin

A common myth is that the Mexica welcomed Cortés at first because they thought he was Quetzalcoatl. But this is a misreading of the way Mexica social conventions/the noble dialect worked, which was kinda ~passive aggressive in a way, such that the more loftily and overly politely you spoke with someone, the more you were actually telling them to go eat shit and die. I think Olrox's dialogue demonstrates this beautifully in the scene where he meets Erzsebet:

"Taker of Souls, Vampire Lioness, She Who Mauls, The Messiah of--" / "Yes, charmed to meet you 😒"

"Her magnificence has heard much about you." / "Flattered. For a god to have heard of me. 🥱"

"I am a goddess!" / "...Of course 🙂"

His words are receptive, respectful, docile, even... but his tone and delivery are completely the opposite. Compare this with the way he speaks with Richter and (in later interactions) Mizrak—which is more informal, open, confrontational. He's more direct with them because he actually respects them.

As far as reading and getting under people's skin with pinpoint precision, I present the following interactions:

When he catches the marquis' severed head in the catacombs, he reads him (and potentially also Drolta) like a book: "This one? He was just an opportunist, following the messiah because she's powerful. But there are those who love her [looks to Drolta]. So I'm told."

When Drolta gives him a verbal slap on the wrist for feeding on the wealthy, he says "mY Ap0LoGiEs, I didn't realize how invested you are in keeping the mortals happy." - To which Drolta goes on to grumble about how their alliance with some of the mortals disgusts her.

When Erzsebet is waxing poetic about how everyone will see her beauty and worship her, he has the balls to—without missing a beat—say "PaRd0n mEe, but you mean to do this through an alliance with a man who will never worship you? 🫢" right to her fcuuckin face mgod I love him so much (this is the point where she whips out the big guns and yells "I am a goddess!!" while threateningly flashing her orb of darkness btw. Like she did NOT like that)

6. Olrox Has an 'Eye for an Eye' View of Justice

A prevalent theme in Aztec religion is the idea that like... ain't nothin' in this world for free. Sacrifices to the gods weren't symbolic gestures of devotion, but an act of paying the gods back for providing humanity with the means to survive.

The idea that everything has a price pervades the dialogue he has with Mizrak in the morning-after scene:

"What was the cost? Who pays it? Just him? Or all of you? Will you? Which demon will claim his price when all this is done?"

And it's also present in the very first scene where we are introduced to Olrox:

"You see, your mama took someone from me I loved, just as much as you loved her. So, she had to die."

What's interesting about this scene is also how... calm he is the whole time—before the fight, after the fight. Yes, he's motivated by the murder of the man he loved, but he brings zero of that passion to this confrontation. It's just an execution, something inevitable that must be done.

That he's fine with confronting a terrified Richter immediately afterwards to explain what just happened (and is completely unapologetic about it) is also telling. It suggests that Olrox views this kind of thing as just 'the way of the world'—a hard truth that Richter will be better off for having learned sooner rather than later.

I think this also helps explain why, years later, Olrox seems to treat Richter with a little more.... Familiarity than we might consider appropriate. He approaches Richter in the catacombs like he's just an old acquaintance, as though Richter should have no reason to be terrified of him. When Drolta mentions the incident later, he seems kind of lightly amused by it. Then, when he drops off the book, he's visibly/audibly frustrated that Richter starts gearing up for a fight. To Olrox, the whole "killed your mom" thing is water under the bridge, nothing personal.

7. Olrox is a Vampire of Prominence in The New World

Obviously, he has to be kind of a big deal to give a Belmont a run for their money. But let's go deeper into the IMPLICATIONS!!

"In 250 years, do you know how many vampire hunters have promised to slice me in two?"

"Her magnificence has heard much about you."

"You will be her guide into America."

He's enough of a big deal that countless hunters have promised to kill him. Enough of a big deal that Erzsebet has not only heard of him, but sees him as a valuable ally who knows enough about America to guide her as she builds her empire across it.

Olrox wasn't just a powerful vampire who got entangled with the politics of colonial Massachusetts and happened to cross paths with a Belmont. He's presumably had a hand in matters across the continent. Erzsebet refers to the colonists as "American upstarts" but for her, this is a conflict between humans vs vampires. The American colonists aren't allies or even rivals to her—because they're not vampires. They're just more pesky humans to be dealt with. (Also??? 'Protestant Vampires' as a concept is just hilarious to me, I'm so sorry)

So.

What the worms in my brain are telling me is—And this is Big!! This is a Steaming Hot Take!!!

(...seriously, tin foil hat tier headcanon incoming)

Olrox has established a network of indigenous vampires who are resisting the colonial threat. He's been turning them (or at least select individuals who are into it), and thereby redistributing the power he took from the Spanish colonizers to wield against the British colonizers.

(Look I have 0.01% faith in this actually being canon or anything. I just think it would be cool as fuck.)

Anyway.

Thanks for coming 2 my Ted talk or whatever. 😘

[scorchieart]

People-watching

Genre: Angst

Characters: Chevalier Michel, Queen Michel, the King of Rhodolite

Wordcount: ~2500

Summary: There is no such thing as a blank slate to young Chevalier. Determined to fill in the blanks, he reaches out to the people he should know best, and should know him better.

A/N: A little fic for little Chev for his BIG sequel. Don't take this story too seriously, it's mostly an experiment in writing irony, but I still hope it offers some entertainment.

Prince Chevalier did not enjoy people-watching. Why follow a person around when one look sufficed to permanently etch every detail of their form into his mind? It seemed a waste of time as well as brainspace, and Chevalier could not comprehend how anyone with half a brain could be content filling the rest of it with such absurdity as repeat information. That time and effort would be better spent researching the target through other more productive means, like first-hand accounts from acquaintances or records on family lineage. And yet he could not stop himself from watching one woman in particular, despite his best efforts to convince himself it was futile.

On the surface, Queen Michel was cut from the same cloth as her son. At Chevalier’s birth, Marquis Michel described the pair as similar as macarons and macaroons, but to anyone who knew them their similarities were never quite so confectionary. Above all, Chevalier found the Queen to be very reserved in her manner and speech, a tighter nut to crack than most. And since he was inclined to a similar disposition, he never initiated any conversation to learn more.

According to castle folk who knew her before he was born, the Queen was an animated young woman beloved by all and rejected by none, and it was her marriage to the King that transformed her from lively lass to monotone monarch. Chevalier could relate to the burden of royalty, and his early years were filled with perplexity at how the roles manifested so differently in his parents’ demeanors. While her husband wilted in melancholy upon his throne, the Queen maintained an air of irresolute jitters that permeated any room she entered and only seemed to grow with each passing year. It was understandable then how the King could not tolerate sitting by her for very long, Chevalier reasoned. Yet as her first and only son, the expectation of familial escort fell to him and naturally Chevalier grew inclined to learn more about this person society deemed he must know most expertly after he knew himself. 

Her presence was unlike that of any other woman who frequented the palace. While this was to be expected from her position, it was an unchanging fact both out in court and behind closed doors. From his perch at her right, Chevalier observed nobles and servants alike straighten their backs and tighten their jaws as though her very name promoted decorum of the highest caliber. In the descriptions he heard of the Queen in her youth there was never any mention of her being a martinet, and she certainly never displayed such fusspot attitudes when they were alone. 

Then what was it that made her so unapproachable? It couldn’t be because she birthed a prince. It was no secret how Clavis and the twins’ eyes lit up the moment their mothers entered view, nor how a similar expression was never found upon Jin or Yves’s faces. 

Such was the destiny of a child with a mother, Chevalier thought. Constantly looking up to her and forming ideas of the world under the safety and guide of her experience. But what was curious was how it seemed the Queen had none of her own to offer him.

Seasons came and went, and Chevalier watched them as passively as he did the people in the palace all from his unchanging position by the Queen. It seemed to him the only variance was his vantage point as each year he grew more accustomed to his role as an observer, both literally and figuratively. It was around the time the unruliest tips of his hair reached her shoulders—the time he first began to calculate when he would surpass her height—when she announced a change to their ritual: a visit to her father’s. Alone.

The days leading up to her departure were uneventful, yet Chevalier clung to those final moments together with more scrupulosity than he ever offered before. As she carried out her routines, he studiously tracked her words, movements, facial expressions. The way she flinched when her quill slipped from her hand. Her continuously quieting voice. The sheen of sweat pooling in her brow. 

Did he detect a growing anxiety? She never conveyed fear of carriage-travel in the past. Perhaps she had a recent falling-out with the Marquis and was dreading the visit? Or a sudden illness overcame her that threatened the journey? Or she worried about parting from her son for so long for the first time?

None of those explanations seemed valid or in character. And with the Queen’s typical tight-lippedness towards him, just this once Chevalier permitted to expand his circle of attention to her acquaintances in hopes of gleaning more insight on this peculiar trip. 

This approach yielded similarly unconstructive results. The knights in her employ regarded her with the same impassive servility as they relayed details of the upcoming journey. The King’s attention and speech were just as clipped as they always had been, though it appeared some of her anxiety may have passed onto him as he nearly tripped over the steps in his hurry to return to the palace once he’d kissed her goodbye. And her lady-in-waiting held onto her left arm in an identical comforting fashion Chevalier had observed since his infancy. The women exchanged brief whispers, concealed by their coats and their hair, before Lady Leticia detached herself to hug her own son. Chevalier turned towards the Queen, craning his neck to see past the coat plumage and golden locks, wondering if this would be the last time he looked up to her. And whether she was wondering something similar.

She did not absolve him of his curiosity. Nor did she offer any parting words or kisses or embraces. With a look as brief as her husband had given her, she smoothed Chevalier’s fringe, bent down to pinch Clavis’s lip-marked cheek, then stepped up into the carriage.

It took less than an afternoon for Clavis to grow completely fed up with him.

Chevalier settled deeper into his chair as his brother stormed out of his personal library, taking note of how it took Clavis double the time it usually would to lose his temper. A new fact he aptly stored away in his brainspace. 

As he hoped, the day continued uninterrupted. Chevalier spent the hours increasing the dent in his romance shelf in silence. When the sun set and he could no longer make out the words on the page, he lifted his head to near-total darkness. A pained grumble from his gut broke the stillness. The maid who usually came to fetch him for dinner was egregiously late. The straw-haired one who always wore a pink bracelet on her right wrist and a blue one on her left.

Closing his book and sliding off his chair, Chevalier took swift strides to the door. It creaked open and he peered out to find the main library just as dark and deserted. Footsteps always alert him, and Chevalier determined no one had passed through the place since Clavis’s dramatic exit hours prior. Not even the mousey-looking serving boy whose job it was to light the candles of this part of the castle every night. 

Guided by his mental map, Chevalier traversed the darkened corridors until at last he reached a lighted area. The grumble in his stomach had evolved into a roar by this point, and he allowed his nose to lead him down the final twists and turns. But by the time he reached the dining room, nobles were already filing out the doors, contentedly patting their bellies and bidding one another goodnight.

Never having attended a formal dinner where the guests appeared so amiable before, Chevalier hid behind a nearby pillar and watched diners fan out to their rooms and rows of servants carry away emptied dishes and bowls. Clavis was among the last to leave, followed closely by Licht and Nokto, all giggling their little heads off about squashes and gourds and moldy cheeseboards. As the young princes chattered, Clavis spotted Chevalier’s hiding place, stuck his tongue out at him, then grabbed each twin by the hand and ran off.

Later that night in the palace kitchens, Chevalier endured cold pumpkin soup, Yves’s pitiful tears, and Jin’s endless gabble.

The next day onward, Chevalier forced himself out of bed at sunrise. Though despite his newfound independence, he struggled to fill his days with variety past choosing an outfit and would end up in his library alone reading from breakfast until dinnertime.

When the second day in a row passed without any servants approaching him, Chevalier elected to prepare and eat his meals solo. It proved no inconvenience to him where his food came from, and considering he later found both the bracelet-maid and the candle-boy performing their duties on the opposite end of the palace, neither did it seem to bother anyone else.

By the end of the first week, Chevalier had completed all the unread books in his possession. He considered venturing into town to procure new ones when a knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.

“Prince Chevalier, are you in there?”

It was Sariel. 

Chevalier opened his mouth to respond, but all that came out was a silent exhale.

How odd.

He cleared his throat and tried again, this time only managing a raspy croak. An empty water pitcher sat bone dry on the mantelpiece, and by the time Chevalier gargled up enough saliva to make out legible speech Sariel had already left.

It was then that he realized he hadn’t spoken in days.

He shelved the trip to town and went to bed early without dinner.

The next morning, he rose before the sun with a sandpaper mouth. Without changing his clothes, he slipped into his shoes and carried the pitcher down to the cellar. Water barrels lined the walls when he entered, and he took no time ripping the lid of the closest one and scooping out as much as his pitcher could catch in one swing. Then he guzzled the lot in a single gulp. 

He repeated this several times more, with more reservation each time, but the scratchiness never fully disappeared. At least he could speak again. He carefully topped the pitcher once more and made his way back up the stairs, reciting the K-entries from the dictionary as he went. 

In atypical Michel fashion, he raised his voice and garbled his words—an oropharyngeal medical textbook he read claimed stretching the muscles in the mouth could accelerate pharynx recovery—but all that seemed to accomplish was scattering postmen and laundry-maids and any early-risers from the halls. He couldn’t blame them; he sounded like a rabid jester. He steered his stroll towards the less-frequented parts of the castle.

By the time he finished the Ls he was in front of the throne room. It was still too early for much of the palace to be up, so Chevalier pushed through the doors and shut them tight behind him. 

He had frequented this room on many formal occasions in the past, but this was the first time he entered alone and in his nightclothes. Perhaps it was because he had seen it so many times before or he was so used to at least one of his parents’ presences alongside him in there, but his gaze ignored the throne and instead glued to the portraits along the far wall. 

Generations of kings staring down at him, their minds long gone yet still decipherable to Chevalier. He crossed to the center of the room and carefully set the pitcher down before lying on his back and spreading his arms and legs. His mouth picked up from where it left off with the Ms while his eyes roamed across the canvases, giving each king his proper lookover to learn everything he was thinking on the day he was painted. Some were confident in their position, some terrified of the future. One young king boasted a cocky grin and bloodied sword while his aging neighbor looked positively bored with his life. Century-links of ancestors captured and unraveled in just a few brushstrokes, so why was his shortest link the most difficult to decode?

The door slamming shut and hurried footsteps interrupted his staring. 

“What happened?” the King asked, breathless.

“Nothing has happened,” Chevalier answered. Throat now sore from reaching the Vs, he kept his response short and refused to let his eyes stray. “Not a single thing. All day long.”

“Oh. I… I see,” said the King. A few moments passed where he caught his breath before he asked, “What are you doing here?”

“People-watching.”

“And for how long?”

“All day long.”

“All day?” the King repeated. Chevalier wished he would just be silent like his portrait.

“Yesss,” he hissed, growing ever more peeved with each question. If there lingered any doubts as to whether Clavis was his son, this was the final nail in the coffin.

“And how many days have you been people-watching?” the King asked.

Chevalier shrugged his shoulders as emphatically as he could against the marble floor. This gave the opposite impression he was hoping as the King’s footsteps gradually approached him.

“So, when your mother returns, you will tell her you have been neglecting your lessons and studies because you were too busy socializing?” said the King.

Chevalier turned to look at him in spite of himself. Unlike his portrait, the current King had worry lines stretching horizontally across his face that completely betrayed the threat in his voice. Coupled with the way his hands shook as he sheathed his sword, it was a mystery how the previous Belle could spot any trace of kingliness in the man. Like his wife, he may have been exemplary in his youth, but such was a person wholly unrecognizable to Chevalier.

“On the contrary,” Chevalier said, “you are the first person I have spoken to since the Queen’s departure.”

“Then where have you been all this time?”

Chevalier shrugged again. “Where has everyone assigned to me been?”

At last, the King exhausted his follow-up questions. Chevalier watched him pant in defeat, thinking him utterly pitiful. Another Clavis sign. He reached over to nudge the pitcher towards him then turned back to the portraits. The King picked up the pitcher but sat a few paces away before he drank.

“A letter arrived this morning from Michel manor,” he said after wiping his mouth. “Would… would you like to read it together?”

Again with the questions. “Who is it addressed to?” Chevalier said.

“Ah, only my name is written on the envelope.”

“Then it was not meant for my eyes.”

“I suppose you’re right,” said the King. He returned the pitcher to its exact spot then stood to leave. “Will you be joining us for dinner tonight?”

“Who is ‘us’?”

“Ah… Never mind. Do as you like.”

And he left the room quicker than Chevalier had ever seen him escape the Queen.

Some things I learned while writing this fic:

Cold pumpkin soup is quite good, if you prepare it correctly.

Oropharyngeal medicine is very interesting and involved.

K is one of the throatiest letters in the English language.

[milolovesbmc]

wait wrol jeremy is canonically/intentionally autistic coded??? please elaborate what are his little autistic mannerisms tell me everything

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST FREAKING ASK I'VE EVER GOTTEN!!! HOLD INTO YOUR SOCKS CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO RAMBLE!!!!!!

So, First off, Jeremy (in the Broadway/Off-Broadway productions) IS autistic coded!! since Will Roland based his interpretation/acting for Jeremy on teenagers from a theater camp he attended, who where most (not to say all) autistic. Also, I can't possibly talk about Jeremy being autistic without mentioning this, in the first/original version of Be More Chill Pt.1 one of the SQUIP's line to Jeremy is literally "every lame characteristic, makes you come off as autistic" which they cut (for obvious reasons) but there, had to be mentioned!! So in conclusion, yes he IS autistic coded!! With that outta the way:

WHY WILL ROLAND'S JEREMY IS AUTISTIC CODED!

EYE CONTACT

- This one is the one I have the least to talk about, it's mentioned he has issues with eye contact in More Than Survive, "[...] Avoiding any eye contact at all"

ABNORMAL SPEECH

- OKAY SO HEAR ME OUT ON THIS

- One of the biggest differences between Roland and Connolly Jeremy is how Will R Jeremy talks

- He has issues with Volume control, like how sometimes he's talking and he out of nowhere yells out a word or something and he seems to not notice? Also, he's the only character that talks louder than the rest normally (you have to differ this from stuff like how Michael screams the lines he says in More Than Survive while he's dancing, that's intentional, he's being goofy and having fun)

- Sometimes he talks too fast, like to the point he slurs his words, you can notice a couple or more of these throughout the show

- To finish off the speech thing, he talks in a really flat tone, you can tell not only by comparing his tone to other characters (like Jake for example) or if you compare the voice Will Roland does for Jeremy to the one he does for Jared in DEH, Jeremy's it's flatter

-I'm not too sure this is included in "Abnormal speech" for autism, but I felt like I had to mention that he does stutter/stammer (?) A lot throughout the whole show, it's even mention by the SQUIP in Be More Chill PT. 1 ("All your stammering's a chore" "Stammer?! No- no I don't stammer!")

- it's also suggested he speaks in a "weird" way when in Loser Geek Whatever he says "The please don't speak!" When referring to how he's perceived by his peers

SPECIAL INTEREST

- His special interest is clearly Superheroes and stuff of the sort (mainly from comics I'm pretty sure, but I don't know too much about superheroes) and he references them a lot of times and sees like most of his life and actions through more of a superhero/fiction sense

- The biggest example of him doing this is in More Than Survive (I'm gonna be mentioning MTS a lot here) when he says the line "If this was an apocalypse, I would not need any tips, on how to stay alive!"

- Also, I can even go into that one line even deeper, by this line he basically means that for him it'd be easier to survive in a zombie apocalypse rather than a high school, because an apocalypse has simple rules you need to follow to survive; getting food, not being biten by zombies... While to "survive" high school you need to do a whole bunch of stuff no one tells you you need to do; socialising, not having grades too high or too low, being cool, talking to people, making eye contact... Which are harder to him. This also means that he would know how to survive in a zombie apocalypse because of how much he plays Apocalypse of the Damned (most definitely part of his special interest)

- Also, here's some references/ties he makes between real life and fiction/superhero stuff:

"I like your sideburns, wolverine, right?"

"Like in X-Men?!"

- Not to mention one of his options for the SQUIP's settings was literally Batman

SOCIAL SKILLS

- I don't think I can give very specific examples here, but basically, the literal whole theme of the show is Jeremy not fitting in cause he's "socially awkward" and just generally "weird", you can mostly see it through how the SQUIP helps him socialize, the most clear example is maybe at the mall with Brooke and Chloe.

SARCASM, JOKES, METAPHORS ETC.

- Biggest one is in ILPR when Christine says "no this is where you meet for the swim team" when Jeremy asks about if you meet for Play Rehearsal there, and he takes the joke literally and starts to look around to make sure he's in the right place

- While Michael is talking about the Whole evolution thing, Jeremy is really confused, most probably because he doesn't understand why he's mentioning that as advice/metaphor?/an answer to his problems, then gets even more confused when he says "There's never been a better time in history to be a loser!"

- In Two-Player Game after Jeremy talks about getting the SQUIP and how it'll work and how it'll improve his life, Michael says "and if it does? Will you be too cool for... Video games??" He's clearly using that as an indirect way of saying he's afraid of losing him (which he actually does later on so that's fun!! /J) and Jeremy catches that but basically just completely ignores the metaphor thing and talks about it in a literal sense

RULES

- He mentions how he has some "rules" he follows to survive in More Than Survive (ofc it's in MTS) in the line "And so I follow my own rules, and I use them as my tools, to stay alive"

- This is not part of the musical, but it is in the book and I thought it was a good thing to mention here because it's pretty related, in the book he has these things called "Humiliation Sheets" they are papers he makes (and prints everyday, mind you) where he marks his social Humiliations, like when someone ignores him or laughs at him etc

MOTOR SKILLS

- Jeremy has like, pretty bad spacial awareness, like when he's Walking down the hallway In MS and he literally walks into half the people

- A really big example of it is in Be More Chill PT.2 when all of the people in the mall are flossing (as a whole thing because of the SQUIP) and Jeremy can't manage to get it right

STIMMING

- This is mentioned by the SQUIP in Be More Chill PT. 1, where it literally says "your tics and fidgets are persistent"

- Some of the ways he stims in:

1) The literal first line of the musical, when he says "c-c-c-c'mon c-c-c-c'mon go go!" that's a vocal stim, cause he's inpatient/nervous. (Also in I love play Rehearsal and voices in my head, maybe in some other moments too but idk rn)

2) Not to sure if this one counts as stimming, but he tends to hold onto things pretty tight (mostly through MTS) , like his sleeves or his backpack or Michael when Christine signs up

2.5) This closely relates to stim 2, but he also opens and closes his fists a lot, like clenching and unclenching them

(There's more but I can't remember all of them rn)

3) he moves his hands and rise and drops them a lot when he's upset and talking about what he's upset about, like in More Than Survive and Loser Geek Whatever, also, a lot of big gestures generally

4) At the Halloween party before (?) a guy that I'd kinda be into (Reprise) Christine asks "just say what's on your mind" and Jeremy basically makes a really weird noise which Christine goes along with, that's indeed vocal stimming!! They're stimming together how sweet is that!!

- This is not Jeremy related but I just wanted to mention it, Michael stims like A LOT, you can look at him in any scene and he will 99% surely be stimming in some way, specially in MITB (someone ask me about Michael being autistic so I can talk about that too pretty please /hj)

Can you tell I'm really into psychology and stuff?? This is basically my two fav interests combined, BMC AND PSYCHOLOGY YAYY!!!!

Btw feel free to talk about you own opinion/take on the whole thing, I'd be happy to know!! :D

[descendant-of-truth]

The data characters in Coded are endlessly fascinating to me because like... they're so much like the originals. But everything is shifted just enough to the left that they feel different, and a little off if you think about it long enough.

Probably the main thing that stands out is that they all start out with different "base memories" from each other, if you will. The only thing Data Sora knows is that he grew up on the islands with his friends, but Data Riku has an encyclopedic knowledge of everything that happened in KH1. Data Namine knows what happened in CoM, and Data Roxas remembers up to the end of the KH2 prologue.

None of them are caught up to the present. The events of KH2 don't exist to them, because those events are written in a different journal.

But you can't even say that Data Sora is "just" Sora from before he started his journey, because almost as soon as the game starts, there's something wrong with that picture.

It's a little hard to explain, but Sora seems... remarkably unconcerned with his surroundings. He accepts whatever Mickey tells him without a second thought, even if he admits (still much too casually) that he doesn't understand what's going on.

(Not to mention that the giant, eye-catching blocks around him are things he doesn't even acknowledge until prompted by Mickey to "look for anything odd.")

But probably the biggest difference between the two Soras when they're starting out is that the journey isn't personal for Data Sora. He doesn't dwell on the islands being lost, and more importantly, he isn't looking for his friends. He doesn't even think about his friends. The first time Riku's name comes out of his mouth is when he literally shows up in front of him.

The early parts of Coded really make the "data" part of Data Sora apparent, I think. He's kind and brave like Sora, he has his mannerisms down, but he feels a bit hollow. There's nothing that's really important to him yet; he just goes along with things as they happen to him.

And then he loses the Keyblade and Riku at the same time, which is the first event to prompt genuine distress from him that he doesn't quickly bounce back from.

This is when Data Sora goes from a passive protagonist to more of an active one - something that the original Sora was from the start. He finally disobeys a request from Mickey, going to Hollow Bastion by himself in order to save Riku.

It's only there that he finally starts to process what having friends means, though, courtesy of Donald and Goofy's guidance... which the original Sora had ever since Traverse Town, by the way. Mickey wasn't a bad mentor to Data Sora, necessarily, but he was a lot more objective-focused, and thus didn't do a lot to help foster a deeper understanding of certain things in him.

Another thing I find interesting - the original Sora lost his Keyblade before going through Hollow Bastion, too, but the way they each get them back is different. Sora makes a rousing speech about how his friends are his power, and his conviction in that summons it back:

While Data Sora summons his back in a moment of fear, and a desire to protect his friends from being crushed:

He even fights a possessed Riku like Sora did, but the dynamic between them is much different on both ends. Originally, Sora was really fed up with Riku, and didn't know the full extent that he was being manipulated. (Also Riku stole the Keyblade and his friends by extension from him, so he's understandably kind of mad about that)

Meanwhile, Riku's villainous sass was on full display, mocking Sora for having a weak heart and saying he would get destroyed by the darkness. This was probably the worst terms they've been on with each other.

In Coded, there's no bad blood between them, and Data Sora knows exactly how much Riku isn't acting of his own accord. So his tone becomes one of unambiguous concern, while Riku wants so much to not fight Sora that he asks to be destroyed instead.

And because Ansem just... doesn't seem to exist in the datascape, Sora is able to bring Riku back with him much faster than the original could, so the motivation that made CoM and KH2 possible in the first place is gone entirely.

Data Sora's journey leads him to the same places as Sora's, and the story beats are similar, but his experiences are unmistakably different. Which is what makes the way Data Riku talks about things especially fascinating.

He makes a lot of references to the original events of KH1, and talks like he and Data Sora are inextricable from it. "I always seem to give in," "you once turned into a Heartless," "you would have saved us." He never completely separates the events of the datascape from those in the real world, treating Riku's failings as his own, saying that Data Sora lost his heart and doesn't remember it.

Data Roxas and Namine are the same way - it's actually Sora who's the odd one out, who doesn't give his original a second thought most of the time. It's only when other people attribute Sora's experiences to him that he, somewhat mistakenly, adopts that information into his worldview.

(No, Sora, that's not your Heartless. No, you weren't on a journey to find Riku and Kairi. That was a different guy. You don't even know Kairi for some reason. Add him to the list of people that live in Sora's shadow along with Roxas and Xion)

I don't know what the conclusion is here exactly, just that there's something about the way the data characters are so different but similar at the same time to the people they're based on that's really engaging to me.

I mean, one of Sora's biggest fears seems to be turning into someone else, or just being a copy of another person, as we saw in DDD. Data Sora is a Sora who's a copy, and he's kind of just... fine with that. He's content with what he has. Even when his memories are a complete mess by the end of the game, he accepts the situation as it is and keeps moving forward.

Anyway I could keep going but for now I'll leave it at "and that's why the data characters should show up again in future games"

[twomiddlefingersforthehaters]

Sasuke's monologue ch. 698

Fasten Your Seatbelts. I'm warning you, this is one hell of a emotional ride.

Y'all know that Japanese people prefer to express things indirectly. They're tend to be more comfortable with indirect communication. To avoid embarrassment and conflict, they prefer to use more roundabout ways of expressing opinions. You don't have to admit things directly because that's impolite. Even if Japanese people want to say "no" in their mind, they are often afraid that the person they are talking with might feel bad if they say so. So, usually they may pretend to go along with what someone said to them. Japanese people in particular show interest in a person or topic they are not really interested in, in order to protect their conversational partner's feelings. This might be annoying to some foreigners, but that’s the culture. So for example:

1. Wanna go out to for a drink??

a) Thanks, I'm good. b) Erm... Okay

These are two ways to politely reject without a flat-out NO. If you are unclear about whether it is a "yes" or "no, pay attention to their nonverbal expressions, pay attention to what they are saying, their subtle body language, their hesitation and also changing the subject are really means 'No'. Manners, etiquete, and mutual respect play an important role in Japanese society. Don't forget this polite mind is avoided in certain circumstances. For example, if you find yourself approached by a suspicious person on the train or bus or on the street, or if you find yourself in an unpleasant situation in general, put yourself first and don't worry about someone else's feelings.

Okay. So, most people will get offended if you are too direct. You should be more careful while being generally open to your thoughts, feelings, and opinions. And here Sasuke was like, 'I'm going with all of these.' His speech was so so so direct that even Japanese people would not dare to say so.

{ I added some additional notes in the 'Meaning section'. Hope this is helpful!!}

Panel - 1

Raw: ・・・ナルト・・・ お前が昔... 常に一人でいるのは知っていた

Romaji: Naruto.... Omae ga mukashi ... tsuneni... Hitori de iru no wa.... shitteita

Literal: Naruto.... I knew... in the past... You were always alone...

Raw: 生き残ったうちはのオレと同じで里で皆に疎外されていたな...

Romaji: ikinokotta uchiha no ore to onajide sato de mina ni... sogai sareteitana …

Literal: survived.... me from the uchiha... and you just like me, by everyone in the village.... we were alienated.

Panel-2

Raw: バカなことをしては わざと叱られようと していた ･･･

Romaji: bakana koto o shite wa wazato shikarareyō to shiteita …

Literal: Doing idiotic/foolish things on purpose for trying to be get scolded...

Raw: 他人と関わる 為だろう･･･

Romaji: tanin to kakawaru tamedarō ･･･

Literal: just for interacting with others...

Raw: 最初はそんな お前を見て くだらない奴だと 思った

Romaji: saisho wa sonna omae o mite kudaranai yatsuda to omotta

Literal: In the beginning, when I watching you like that, I thought you were a stupid/worthless guy

Raw: じゃれたいだけの 弱い奴だと

Romaji: jaretai dake no yowai yatsuda to

Literal: The type of weak guy who only just wants to be playful.

[[ When we keep an eye on someone or something, we watch it carefully and pay attention to it. And observes the person's behavior. That's what Sasuke was doing here. At that time, even when he was still a small kid, Sasuke properly "analyzed" why he was interested/curious in Naruto...]]

Meanings

• 昔 (mukashi) - old times, old days, former, in the past.

• 常に (tsuneni) - Constantly, always, all the time, all of the time.

• 一人でいる (hitori de) - alone, oneself, lonely

• 知っていた (shiteita) is used when you "already" knew something.

• 生き残った (ikinokotta) - to survive

• 同じで (onajide) - same, just like

• 疎外(sogai)- estrangement; neglect; alienation; casting out

• 叱られる (shikarareru) - to be scolded

• わざと(wazato) - on purpose; intentionally; deliberately

• 関わる(kakawaru) it means as interacting with people

• くだらない (kudaranai) - good-for-nothing; stupid; trivial; worthless

• 最初 (saisho) - beginning; first

• 見て(mite) - to see; to look; to watch; to view; to observe; to keep an eye on

• じゃれたい (jaretai) - to be playful; to mess around; to gambol; to be amused (with something); to play

• だけ (dake) - only; just; alone; merely; that’s all

• が (ga) prt. - Ga marks the subject of a sentence when the information expressed by the subject is first introduced in a discourse. Wa replaces ga when the subject is a topic or a contrasted element.

Ga conj. - But. It makes a sentence unit with the preceding sentence, not with the following sentence. Thus, it is wrong to place a comma before ga or to start a sentence with ga. Daga, dakedo, demo, shikashi and keredomo express the same idea as ga.

Panel-1

Raw: ･･･だが 何度も バカをして 叱られている お前をずっと見ていると

Romaji: ...daga, nando mo baka o shite shikarareteiru... omae o... zutto miteiruto...

Literal: But, over and over again, you would get scolded for doing stupid things... I was keep watching you this whole time...

Raw: ･･･なぜだか 気になるように なった

Romaji: ... nazedaka ki ni naru yō ni natta

Literal: For some reason/without knowing why, somehow.... I became as anxious and worried (about you).

Panel-2

Raw: その時思った ･･･

Romaji: sono toki omotta...

Literal: At that time I thought....

Raw: お前の弱さがだんだんオレに 染まってきたんだと

Romaji: omae no yowasa ga dandan ore ni somatte kitanda to

Literal: your weakness gradually came to taint me.

Panel-3

Raw: それからのお前を見る度にど んどん気になるようになっていった

Romaji: sore kara no omae o miru tabi ni dondon ki ni naru yō ni natteitta

Literal: And then, steadily, every time I saw you, I (my heart/mind) became uneasy....

(It means that Sasuke become uneasy when Naruto were on his mind)

Raw: 他人と繋がろうと必死なお前を見ていると

Romaji: tanin to tsunagarō to hisshina omae o miteiruto

Literal: I was watching you desperately trying to be connected to other people...

Raw: オレの家族を思い出すようになった

Romaji: ore no kazoku o omoidasu yō ni natta

Literal: (Because of that) I began to remember my family.

(Bcuz of Naruto's actions, it made him remember his family)

Meanings

• 気になる(kininaru) - to be on one's mind, to worry one, to care about, to be bothered by, to feel uneasy, to be anxious

[[ 気になる (kininaru) means something/someone - interests you/ makes you think about it/them/ catches your attention / makes you feel curious, Something/Someone - bothers you / makes you curious/ interests you, Someone/something - you worry about / you be concerned about. "kininaru" is a verb meaning "care", "recognize", and sometimes "like". So, Kininaru is often used for romantic interests. Here, Sasuke repeats that he gets worried/anxious/uneasy whenever he sees or thinks about Naruto. It affecting him very strongly and powerfully. So, when Sasuke says this it means whenever he sees Naruto, his heart suddenly feels heavy and it hurts him emotionally. ]]

• As you can see, Sasuke tried very hard to be acknowledged by his parents... here Naruto was trying his best to get attention from others to show his 'existence'. So he knows how painful it is. And moreover he was watching him. So, seeing Naruto hurt, it terribly hurts Sasuke too.

• なぜだか (nazedaka) - somehow; for some reason; without knowing why

• ずっと (zutto) - continuously in some state (for a long time, distance); throughout; all along; the whole time; all the way; much (better, etc.); by far; far and away; far away; long ago; direct; straight

• だんだん (dondon) - gradually

• 弱さ (yowasa) - weakness

• 染まる(somaru) - to be tainted; to be infected

• 気に (tabini) - each time; everytime; whenever (something happens); on the occasion of

• 繋がろう (tsunagarō) - to be tied together; to be connected to; to be linked to; to lead to; to be related to; to be related (by blood)

• 必死な (hisshina) - frantic; desperate; inevitable death

• 家族 (kazoku) - family; members of a family

Panel-1

Raw: そしてなぜだか安心したんだ

Romaji: soshite nazeda ka anshin shita nda

Literal: And then... without knowing why, somehow.... I felt relieved.

Panel-2

Raw: だがそれは ．．． 同時に弱さだと思った

Romaji: daga sore wa... dōjini yowa sada to omotta

Literal: But... at the same time... I thought It was a weakness.

Panel-3

Raw: オレはその弱さから 逃げるように修業をした…

Romaji: ore wa sono yowa sa kara nigeru yō ni... shūgyō o shita …

Literal: So that, In order to escape from that weakness... I trained...

Raw: 兄への復讐の為に ．．． 兄より強くなる為に

Romaji: ani e no fukushū no tame ni... ani yori tsuyoku naru tame ni

Literal: for the sake to get revenge on my brother... for the sake of becoming stronger than my older brother

Panel-4

Raw: なのにお前と 同じ班に なっちまった…

Romaji: nanoni omae to onaji han ni natchimatta

Literal: And yet... I ended up in the same team as you...

Raw: そしてまた 家族が チラつく．．．

Romaji: soshite mata kazoku ga chiratsuku ...

Literal: And then... again, my family flickered (through my mind)

[ It is noted that since ellipsis is common in Japanese, Japanese sentences are often ambiguous in isolation. "Flickering" in this sentence means ''Flicker into someone's mind".]

Meanings

• When Sasuke uses 弱さ (yowasa) it shows his degree of weakness / how weak he is. He directly admits that Naruto is becoming his physical/mental/emotional weakness.

• Naruto, who reminds of his “family" and also becomes his "weakness" that is something that Sasuke wants to escape from.... so, he trained hard to escape from that 'weakness'. When Sasuke said "I ended up in the same team as him", it means that Sasuke was "extremely conscious" of Naruto... He ran away and tried to escape from his 'weakness', but as he tried to escape, fate brought him back to where he tried to escape his 'weakness'. It's okay to mention his family once , but he constantly repeating that Naruto reminds him of his family... I think that means that Sasuke was starting to see Naruto as family.

• そして (soshite) - and; and then. (It is a coordinate conjunction that connects two sentences.)

• なぜだか (nazedaka)- somehow; for some reason; I don't know why; without knowing why

• 安心した (anshinshita) - relieved

[[ 安心 as "relief" or "peace of mind". 安心 has the kanji for safe and heart. It means peace of mind your heart is at ease.]]

• 復讐 (Fukushū) - revenge

• の為に (no tame ni) - for the sake of

• 逃げる (nigeru) - to escape; to run away

• 修業 (shūgyō) - pursuit of knowledge, studying,learning, training, completing a course

• なのに (nanomi) - and yet; despite this; but even so; but even then; however; nevertheless; for all that; notwithstanding that

• 班 (han) - group; party; team; squad; section

• また (mata)- again; and; also; still (doing something)

• チラつく (chiratsuku) - to flicker; to flit; to litter; to be dazzled

Panel-1

Raw: 火影になりたいとほざくお前と一緒に任務をこなし...

Romaji: hokage ni naritai to hozaku omae to issho ni ninmu o konashi ...

Literal: (you) babbling on wanting to become hokage... and (I) went on missions together (with you) ...

Raw: 互いに 強くなって いくのを 実感した オレは いつしか

Romaji: tagaini tsuyoku natteiku no o jikkan shita, ore wa itsushika...

Literal: Before I knew it, I truly felt that (we) were both mutually going towards getting stronger ....

Panel-2

Raw: お前とも闘いたいとそう 思うようにもなった

Romaji: omae to mo tatakaitai to sō omou yō ni mo natta

Literal: (I) really thought that I want to fight you too.

[[ Here, Sasuke using 思う (omou) - It means 'to think'. When you 'think', it comes from your heart (inner thoughts), rather than your head. 思う is used for "thinking from the heart," it is a better fit for reactions. It shows the current feeling. The subtlety of "thinking" is that you are "emotionally paying attention" to the object. ]]

Panel-3

Raw: そして オレは七班に己の家族の影を見るようになっていた ...

Romaji: soshite ore wa nana han ni onore no kazoku no kage o miru yō ni natteita ...

Literal: And then I.... in team7, began to see the silhouette of my own family.

Panel-4

Raw: だから... お前の苦しむ姿を見る度...そう... オレも---

Romaji: dakara... omae no kurushimu sugata o miru tabi ... sō... ore mo...

Literal: That's why... Every time I saw you appearing to be suffering... that's right.. I, too...

Raw: オレが痛くなったんだ

Romaji: ore ga itaku natta nda

Literal: I became pained.

[[ Sasuke using 痛く which means he's in such intense pain, that words couldn't explain how much it was. The magnitude of the 'extreme pain' greatly affects both his body and mind. The choice of kanji (痛く) Kishimoto given to Naruto & Sasuke when they express their feelings, it screams how much terribly they hurt, but it's not just 'pain'. I've already talked here about Kishimoto expressing other characters' pain with 「痛い」 The word 痛い (itai) can be used in many situations. It means 'ouch' or 'hurt'. You can point out to any body part to say something is in 'pain' eg: 足が痛い (ashi ga itai) - my leg hurts. You can use 痛い when recovering from a bitter past, experiencing something unpleasant in the past, or feeling pain. Here, Sasuke uses オレ = 痛く, and what I'm saying is that Japanese people don't say it that way. What he said literally meant 'I'm hurt'. But you have to say your (body part ) is hurt. Neither of them saying which part of their body was hurting, but their pain was excruciating. It is worth noting how Kishimoto expresses their feelings and pain in spoken language.]]

Meanings

• いつしか (itsushika) - before one knows; unnoticed; unawares

• 実感した - real feeling; actual feeling; to actually feel; to have a real feeling (that ...); to experience personally

• 互いに - mutually; with each other; reciprocally; together

• いく ( iku) - to go (towards)

• 闘い (tatakai) - battle; fight; struggle; conflict

• そう (sou) - so; really; seeming; appearing that; seeming that; looking like; having the appearance of

• 強く(tsuyoku) - strongly, powerfully, hard

Panel-1

Raw: お前の痛みが分かった時��めて仲間と思えた

Romaji: omae no itami ga wakatta toki hajimete nakama to omoeta

Literal: When I understood your pain, that was when I began to think of you as a friend

Panel-2

Raw: そしてその反面急激に強くなっていくお前をほっておけなくなったどんどん強くなっていくお前を見て... オレは ...

Romaji: soshite sono hanmen... kyūgeki ni tsuyoku natteiku omae o hotte okenaku natta... dondon tsuyoku natteiku omae o mite... ore wa...

Literal: But then, on the other hand, you suddenly become stronger... I became (unable) to ignore it.. I watched you steadily get stronger... I ....

[[Naruto suddenly becomes stronger and stronger in front of his eyes, so that he can't ignore the progress that is happening in Naruto in order to reach him.]]

Panel-3

[Flashback- Naruto🍥]

Raw: オレだっていつもお前が一人なのは 知ってた

Romaji: ore datte itsumo omae ga hitori nano wa shitteta

Literal: I always knew you were... alone.

Raw: 同じような奴がいるって安心した･･･

Romaji: onaji yōna yatsu ga iru tte anshinshita ･･･

Literal: There was someone similar to me.... I was relieved...

Raw: すぐに話しかけたかった･･･なんだかうれしくてよ!

Romaji: sugu ni hanashikaketakatta ･･･ nandaka ureshikuteyo !

Literal: I immediately wanted to talk to you... Somehow/somewhat (I felt) happy!!

(Here when Naruto says なんだか (nandaka), it conveys a sense of vagueness, a sense of not knowing quite why or how the current situation came about. Naruto felt happy, for some reason but he didn't know why he felt that.)

Panel-4

Raw: けどそりゃ止めた... 何でもできるお前がうらやましくて… オレのライバルに決めた!

Romaji: kedo sorya tometa... nandemo dekiru omae ga urayamashikute… ore no raibaru ni kimeta !

Literal: However, I stopped (myself).... You can do anything... I was jealous (of you). I decided you would be my rival !

Panel-5

Raw: お前はオレの目標になった

Romaji: omae wa ore no mokuhyō ni natta

Literal: You became my "goal".

Raw: 何にもなかったオレがつながりを 持てた

Romaji: nani ni mo nakatta ore ga tsunagari o moteta

Literal: I, who had nothing... had a "bond".

Meanings

• 反面 (hanmen) - while, although; on the other hand

• 急激 (kyuugeki) - sudden; precipitous; radical

• 強く(tsuyoku) - strongly, powerfully, hard

• 時 (toki) literally means 'time'. It is usually used after dependent clauses in the sense of "when" and not as a question of "when."

• 初めて (hajimete) means 'for the first time'

• ほって おけ (hotteoke) - to leave alone; to leave as is; to ignore; to neglect

• ように (youni) takes on various meanings in different expressions, including seems, similar to, just like, for the purpose of, so as. In its basic form ように means 'looks like' or 'similar to'. When ような is found at the end of a sentence, it takes on the meaning of a wish, hope, or prayer for something to happen.

• 安心した (anshinshita) - relieved

In the flashback (ch.485), Sasuke remembers what Naruto said in that glittering space (Idk what to call it), and Naruto uses the word 'Anshinshita' when revealing his feelings. Naruto says the exact same thing Sasuke says he felt when he saw Naruto. 安心 as "relief" or "peace of mind". 安心 has the kanji for 'safe' and 'heart'. So it means "peace of mind your heart is at ease".

In Vote 1 Naruto had used the word 『 安心したんだ 』 ' anshinshitanda' in his monologue and now he was talking about 'it' face to face with Sasuke.

In case you're wondering, Naruto's monologue and in Sasuke's monologue both use 'Anshinshita + Nda'. んだ (nda) is used at the end of sentences. んだ is a casual and preferred in speaking. んだ- One way in which it often does this is by emphasizing the feelings of the speaker.

• すぐに (sugu ni) - immediately; right away; instantly

• うれしくて (ureshikute) - happy; glad; pleased; delighted; overjoyed

• 話 can be used as any of the following English words: talk; speech; chat; conversation. They are basically all referring to the same thing.

• けど (kedo) - used to show the contrast: but; however; although; even though

• 何でもできる(nandemo dekiru) - (someone) can do anything.

• 決めた (kimeta) - to decide; to choose; to determine; to make up one's mind

• 目標" which means "goal", "target", "aim", "mark"

• 何にも (nannimo) - nothing

• つながり- Bond

Panel-1

Raw: 第七班で任務やってよ･･･ お前みたく強くかっこよくなりたくてずっとお前の後を追いかけてた

Romaji: dai nana han de ninmu yatteyo... omae mitaku tsuyoku kakkoyoku naritakute zutto omae no ato o oikaketeta

Literal: Doing missions... With team 7.... I watched you becoming stronger and cooler. All along, I was chasing after you/following you (to be like you).

_END OF FLASHBACK 🍥_

Panel-2

Raw: 逆だ... 本当はオレがうらやましかったんだ

Romaji: gyakuda ... hontōwa ore ga urayamashikatta nda

Literal: It was the opposite... (The fact is that) I was the one who was jealous (of you).

Panel-3

Raw: オレには無い強さがあったから…

Romaji: ore ni wa nai tsuyo sa ga attakara...

Literal: Because you had a strength that I didn't have...

Meanings

• 逆 (gyaku) means "reverse" or "opposite

•本当は (hontōwa) means actually. And it means that the person who says 本当は has some other things in mind that they really want to do. But instead of revealing their true feelings/desires, they have lied and said something different, but they regret it and are now trying to be authentic about themselves and about their true feelings. That's why Sasuke says he was jealous of Naruto.

• 羨ましい (うらやましい) urayamashii : an i-adjective meaning ‘jealous’. urayamashikatta – 羨ましかった (うらやましかった) : the 'ta' form of “urayamashii”, meaning ‘was jealous’ or ‘were jealous’.

• かっこよく(kakkoyoku) - attractive; good-looking; stylish; cool; handsome

[[ かっこう (Kakkou) : a noun meaning ‘appearance’. いい (ii) : an i-adjective meaning ‘good'. The both components joins and literally means ‘appearance good’. Naruto Using かっこよく (kakkoyoku). よく ( = yoku) is an adverb form of いい ( = ii). If you notice in the expression “kakko ii” the “u” is dropped. The “u” has also been dropped at the the end of “kakkou.” You can also write it only in hiragana, as かっこいい (kakkoii), or in full katakana, as カッコイイ (kakkoii). However, when it is spoken, it is usually pronounced as かっこいい (no "う").. That's why it's usually written as "かっこいい" and "カッコイイ" (without う・ウ, respectively) in hiragana and katakana. Kakkoii can be described as being: 1. “Cool” ( can be be expressed as - something physically present meets your enthusiastic approval), and 2. “Hot” (can be expressed as- a man whose appearance is overwhelmingly pleasing to you). Kakkoii is also used as an interjection when seeing something cool or finding a man attractive. The final い (i) sound in kakkoii is often lengthened depending on the speaker's enthusiasm. If you are speaking with more formal language you should use “kakko ii” instead of “kakkou ii". You can use this (kakkoyoku) expression in the adverbial form.

In ch. 285 When Sakura compared Sasuke to Sai, Naruto used 方がカッコイイ (hō ga kakkoī) means 'Sasuke's way more cooler'. It was good to see what Naruto thought of him fully presented in front of Sasuke. ]

• 強く (tsuyoku) - strongly, powerfully, hard

• 追いかけて (oikakete) is a conjunction of the verb 追いかける means to chase someone or follow after someone/something

Panel-1

Raw: お前はいつもオレの前を歩いてやがった...

Romaji: omae wa itsumo... ore no mae o... aruite yagatta ...

Literal: You were always... walking in front of me...

Raw: まるでかつての兄さんのように----

Romaji: marude katsute no nīsan no yō ni ----

Literal: Just like my former older brother....

Panel-2

Raw: そして... 今日も...

Romaji: soshite... kyō mo ...

Literal: And then... today (also) ...

Meanings

• いつも (itsumo) - always; usually; every time; never

• 歩いて (aruite) - to walk

• 前を(mae o) - If someone keeps walking in front of you for some time, を should be used as a location marker, because he is keeping inside your 前.

• かつての (Katsuteno) - former

• まるで (marude) - entirely, quite; completely; just like, so to speak, as though, as if

• そして (soshite) - and; and then; thus; and now

• 今日も (kyō mo) - today also

[jezebelgoldstone]

i managed to hold out for like a whole day and a half but i am officially like halfway through the magnus protocol

and

okay so i KNEW that johnny sims and alexander j newal voiced people in this series but like. when """"g. g."""" (no it's not gigi are you kidding) and fucking jerry showed up i literally oh my gods. i didn't start crying but if i were the sort to cry that would've done it. really seriously truly. oh my gods. oh my GODS. i cannot. i am emotionally compromised.

also. as a sidenote. i've seen so many posts speculating about whether or not norris and.... gha i forget the other one's name. i keep wanting to call him chuck. CHESTER that's it fucking chester. anyway! i keep seeing all these joke posts about being trapped with the love of your life and the worst boss it's possible to have in a window's 95 computer, and speculation about whether this is on purpose or if it's just johnny sims doing his usual thing and being slightly claustrophobic when it comes to things like characters and his actual friends, but like, guys.

guys.

come on.

if i hadn't read a thing on magnus protocol before i started listening there would be absolutely no question in my mind that it's jon and martin and probably jonah. (not elias, mind, which is why his voice is different. JONAH.) it's so... anything i write about it is going to make it sound like i'm pushing too hard which is going to make it seem less likely, but. i literally don't understand how in the show this is supposed to be taken any other way.

like okay listen. a little while ago i started writing this fanfic where the love interest is in disguise, right? but like, not in disguise from the READER. i always try to have the main pairing on screen together in the very first scene of any fic; by the end of the first chapter at the absolute latest, and in this one the identity reveal isn't going to be until like at least halfway through the story. but i wanted people to keep reading, and i didn't want people to worry that i was going to end up pairing the mc with an oc, so i did nothing to hide the love interest's identity from the reader. like, EVERYTHING about him is exactly like in the movie. his looks, his speech patterns, his mannerisms. when the mc asks for his name (after they've been talking for a long while already) the love interest is clearly lying and gives a fake name. i tagged the fic with hidden identity and identity reveal and all this kind of thing. it was. it was not hidden at all. and yet! there are still a few comments where people are speculating about whether or not the love interest is actually the love interest. i mean it makes sense; it is possible that i could've fucked up writing so bad that i may have accidentally made it seem like this rando oc was the love interest when he isn't, so if that was the case no one wanted to either make me feel bad or look silly when the actual love interest showed up. so like i get it? but also. i was 100% NOT expecting there to be any question AT ALL regarding the identity of the love interest.

and i gotta say. i feel like if johnny sims has read any of the posts speculating about chester and norris's identity, he probably feels exactly the same way.

also it's not windows 95! it's the business-focused precursor to window's 95, and that's worse.