#I mean. What is any of this even doing for anyone
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Chase:
Today is a really weird day and I didn’t know how I would feel about coming over to my best friend Bryce’s house especially after the incident.
Bryce and I have been friends for over 12 years now and him and I have always been a couple of scrawny gay nerds. We both love Minecraft legend of Zelda, just about every video game you can think of and one way we really bonded was figuring out that we are both gay.
Now for years, I’ve always known that Bryce had a crush on me. For me it was never that I didn’t like Bryce or I was never interested, but I never wanted to ruin the friendship. But then you have Walker is older brother. Walker is a few years older than us. He’s super handsome, athletic, charming, he could basically date anyone he laid his eyes on.
The truth is Walker was my sexual awakening for years. I’ve stayed at their house and spent the night and it wouldn’t be uncommon to see Walker come out and nothing but basketball shorts hell I don’t even think he would wear underwear sometimes.
I can remember the way seeing him made me blush, and I tried my hardest not to stare at him. I don’t know if Walker could tell that I was checking him out. Or maybe Walker was just used to people checking him out shouldn’t be any surprise that his little brother‘s gay friend had his eyes glued to him.
And somehow he continues to keep getting hotter and hotter and hotter…
So several weeks ago, Bryce and Walker’s family went on vacation to some tropical island. And something very strange happened while touring an old temple. How Bryce explained it to me was that they had a sign up that specifically said, “ please do not touch artifact.”
Bryce can be such a stickler for rules and I can almost see it in my head. It all went down. Bryce told Walker not to touch it. Walker likes to get on Bryce‘s nerves Walker reaches for it and then shit got real quick. Because Walker and Bryce have now switched bodies.
When Bryce was explaining all this to me, I really thought it was bullshit. I mean, who would believe that that sounds like something from a movie and yet even hearing Walker‘s voice, I can tell just by the tone that it’s Bryce.
So today is the first day that I have seen Bryce since he swapped bodies with Walker. And that’s why I feel all kinds of weird.
Now Bryce and I have stayed with each other like 1 million times and it’s really not unusual for us to be basically naked around each other. OK maybe not completely naked but like at least in her underwear.
And I have tried really, really hard to make him feel comfortable and I think I’m doing a really good job but having him standing in front of me in just his brother’s boxers is driving me a bit insane.
I’m sitting on Bryce‘s bed and walks back into his room just to ask me if I wanted anything from downstairs like something to drink or maybe a snack. I can barely get out the words because I can’t stop staring at the chiseled God in front of me.
“ chase you’re staying the night right?,” he asked me.
“ oh yeah, of course I’m staying the night as long as that’s OK.”
“ yeah man of course it’s okay! You know it’s okay man. No one cares you stay the night. You’re like basically family sides. My brother isn’t going to be home tonight. He’s wanted a lot of space since the whole. I’ve got his body thing. And both my parents are out of town so it’s just gonna be us,” he says with a side smirk.
“ well if it’s just us what do you wanna get into tonight?,” I say trying to make conversation.
I’m holding my eye contact directly at his face and I try my hardest not to look anywhere else, but he takes his hand and start scratching his balls and I can almost feel my whole cock twitch.
“ I mean since everybody’s not here tonight, we can always break into my parents liquor cabinet, whoop whoop!”
You know I am probably the most innocent 18 year-old alive, I don’t wanna attend parties nor do I really sneak around my parents but I feel like alcohol sounds like a great idea right now. I mean it I might be able to calm down a bit.
“Hell yeah! That’s sounds fun!,” I say with some enthusiasm.
“Bet! Be right back!”
I hear as heavy feet running down the stairs and all I can do is try to think of something that would totally turn me off like anything taxes, my grandparents, just something…
And yet all I can think about is how hot it would be if I could suck on his toes. I’ve had a thing for feet a while now and it’s taking me a little bit to accept it and a part of that I blame Walker for him because he has some sexy ass feet.
I can remember clearly the smell of his feet after he would finish football practice and he would pull off his shoes. Shit! Fuck! I’m so hard right now. I feel like I’m gonna have to sneak away and beat one out in the bathroom just to clear my head.
And then here comes Bryce with two glasses in his hand and a bottle of wine for the both of us just super eager.
I reposition myself to where I’m laying flat on my stomach so he doesn’t notice.
Bryce hops on to the bed with me and try’s his hardest to navigate a wine opener.
“Geez, I have no clue what I’m doing here…”
I eventually take it and started twisting in. I try to pull it out but struggle.
“Here since you now have all of the muscles.”
He rolls his eyes at me and tugs it out.
“Success!”
“Good team work there he-man,” I say playfully.
Bryce’s pours both of us a glass and at first I thought it tasted awful. But the second glass… now I see why people like it. I feel so warm inside and relaxed.
We both lay back in his bed.
“Is it super weird for you?,” I ask him.
“What?”
“You know… being in your Walkers body.”
“Um… yes. Yes and no I guess. I feel like everything has just moved so quick since the trip. I feel very different in public, like I’m so much more noticed. girls hit on me… so do guys. It’s a lot to take in especially since you and my family are the only ones who know about it.”
“What about Walker’s girlfriend?”
“Oh he broke up with her, thought it would be less weird. Although he had to do it over text because I refused to call or see her in person.”
“Damn! That’s crazy.”
“Yeah but she was like his girlfriend for the month, nothing serious.”
Of course…
“So is this pretty permanent?”
“Yeah I think so, unless you know of any other magic objects than can reverse it haha.”
“No, not off of the top of my head,”I say jokingly.
“Well… that answers your question. This is my body now. This is the new me I guess,” he says looking his muscles over.
I look them over as well and then my eyes draw this briefs… he’s got a hard on…
Bryce catches my eyes and says, “you wanna touch it?”
“What?!?”
“Come on Chase… don’t play games with me. I know you and I know you’ve had the hots for this body. I’ve known for years now.”
I take a deep breath… I feel my nervous all over again.
“It’s okay, I know you like this body. It’s my body now. And I want you to touch my massive dick.”
“But Bryce!”
“Shhh! Chase I’ve had a crush on you for years and I know you would never fool around with me. And now I have the body you’ve been lusting for years now. TOUCH MY MASSIVE DICK PLEASE!”
“Fuck, okay.”
I start touching it from the outside and it does feel huge!
“You know I love you Bryce, you’re the most important person to me. I just never wanted us to loose our friendship. It’s why I never tried anything with you.”
“I know. And listen I know you weren’t trying to go after my brother. I know what he looks like. Everyone does. But now I have the body and the personality so, I’m giving you no choice but to date me. Got it?”
“Ugh fine,” I say rolling my eyes.
“Now can you do me a favor?”
“Sure!”
“Can I see your feet?” he says to me.
Wow! Wasn’t expecting that!
“Wait why?”
“I hope you don’t think this is weird but I have a thing for them.”
“Shut up! So do I!”
“You do?!?”
“Yeah especially…,” I eye down to his feet and wiggles his toes.
“Oh my god! This is about to be a wild night!”
“Wait, can I kiss you?”
“Please!”
Part 2 Coming…
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this is really interesting! though parts of it seem slightly contradictory, because there's this
please apply them at will to yourself based on your own ideas about what it means to dress femininely or dramatically or androgynously etc.
but also this:
describing [...] a presentation others might consider masculine/feminine
is it up to one's own interpretation or about how others see you? particularly as an apothibinary person i have a lot of trouble taking on other people's perceptions of me as a self-descriptor, because they're usually binary(-adjacent). i'm also flat out just not going to give people power over my words like that. (i'm not saying that anyone who identifies as masc/fem because that's how others perceive them is wrong btw. i know many do it for simplicity as well as for self-empowerment. i just personally cannot.)
i also take issue with the
masc---fem scale
because if we can acknowledge that the gender spectrum itself isn't linear like that, we must acknowledge this about the spectrum of gender presentation too. you can be outside of the masc---fem scale or you can just simply not label your gender presentation at all.
another thing that feels a little off to me is that fox is described as an
androgynous, fluid, or combined presentation
while also being described as
[not resembling] the other sides of the spectrum
that latter definition is actually broader than androgynous, fluid or combined, as it does technically also include anything outside of that scale or nothing at all, but it's not truly accounting for that.
i'm aware the chart exists mainly for lighthearted silliness, but also you can say that masculinity and femininity are up to interpretation all you want, the chart is once again very stereotypical and doesn't really leave wiggle room for people with broader definitions of masculinity, femininity or androgyny. for example, i sometimes like wearing dresses which most would consider swan/feminine, but i feel deeply uncomfortable calling myself or my dresses feminine or swan (because let's be real, swan here is just another word for feminine).
i know this post is over 7 years old so how we talk about nonbinary presentation has evolved a bit. i'd be curious if anyone ever expanded on these terms to account for other gender presentations.
nonetheless, if i had to put myself on that scale, i'd probably be a crow-fox, because not resembling the other sides is the most how i conceptualise my gender presentation.
however, at this point, i don't really use any gender presentation terms, not even maverine or other outherine terms, because i no longer find them personally helpful to me. i could dress in exclusively skirts and dresses and i would still not consider my gender presentation feminine because i consider that to be misgendering. most people would perceive me as feminine though if i did that, so at that point, i wouldn't really be communicating anything if i called my presentation maverine when everyone else sees someone feminine. at this point, my gender presentation is synonymous with my gender. i'm maverique, so everything i wear is also maverique.
hopefully other people can get more use of this spectrum though and i'd be curious where all the maveriques & friends fall on this.
Non-binary Presentation Terms
Although words like butch, femme, masc, and fem have been applied to nonbinary folk since their inception, they don’t always meet the needs of non-binary people in comfortably describing the way we look.
So here are a new additional set of options! We’ve considered two different “axes” here – one that relates most closely to the masc—fem scale, and one that considers “effort”, or a level of… drama or ostentation in a look. They can be combined as one pleases or used individually!
Additionally, please apply them at will to yourself based on your own ideas about what it means to dress femininely or dramatically or androgynously etc. These words are not to be held hostage to cissexism or gender roles. These words also describe presentations that are inherently not binary – the only reason we’re using words like “masculine” and “feminine” to describe them at all is for ease of communication. They can and should describe particular looks, including those that people are inclined to gender, without actually gendering them.
Note: These are not coined with the intention of being gender identities. They have nothing inherently to do with gender identity. You can be a demigirl stag, etc. (That said, if someone wants to use them as a gender because you feel it’s tied closely to your presentation, we’re certainly not stopping you.)
Here they are!
Stag: A “masc”, “butch” or “tomcat” equivalent, describing a presentation one considers to be associated with ideas about masculinity, or a presentation others might consider masculine.
Fox: Describing an androgynous, fluid, or combined presentation; can be applied to any presentation a person feels doesn’t resemble the other sides of the spectrum.
Swan: A “femme/fem” or “doe” equivalent, describing a presentation one considers to be associated with ideas about femininity, or a presentation others might consider feminine.
Sparrow: A casual, minimalist, muted or low-effort presentation. For example, for those folks who just roll through their closet and go.
Crow: For presentations that are in-between, combined, or fluid along a scale of effort/ostentation.
Peacock: For presentations that are high effort. Glam, dramatic, flashy, flamboyant, attention-drawing, etc. Dressed to the nines, so to speak!
so anyway tag urself
(chart meant purely to be silly and fun, not to suggest actual criteria or associations. Disregard entirely if you resonate with the terms but not these goofy tidbits.)
Keep reading
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Ngl I really enjoyed Via’s arc in Sinsmas. She is just SO MUCH like her father that it both delights and hurts me lol.
Their relationship is an interesting take on struggling to try to break the cycle of abuse/neglect.
Stolas grew up with his father not even knowing his name or showing him a shred of affection. He was a means to an end, a tool. The only way he’s ever received any kind of acknowledgement from his father is by doing his duty. Mastering his powers, entering into an arranged marriage, and producing an heir.
You can just so clearly see how he is trying SO HARD to give Via a different life. He wants them to be a family. For her to never doubt her parents love her. To be the father he never had.
To the point he shoves his own wants and needs so far down that he is barely holding on.
Via going from accusing him of not loving her to realizing that he loves her so much that he forced himself to play the role of a good father and husband. To the point he destroyed himself for her…
And that realization just devastates her.
Stolas getting involved with Blitz was the culmination of decades of forcing himself to be the person everyone else expected him to be. He feels he can’t be loved, but he can be useful. And maybe if he’s useful enough, people will care about him.
The reason his connection with Blitz is so strong is because both of them feel that way. The difference is that Blitz was able to create his own found family (tho it took him ages to realize it lol) while Stolas has always been alone. They’re two sides of the same coin. And while Blitz has spent the past few years healing, Stolas has been descending further into darkness because he doesn’t have that same support.
Via has absorbed so many of his insecurities. Especially the fear of not being loved or wanted despite Stolas trying SO HARD to be the perfect father to her. But he’s not. He can never be because he forgot the old adage of “put your oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else.”
I think that definitely can come across as him being neglectful of her. But to me it speaks to his desperation to be such a good father to her that he tries to hold himself to IMPOSSIBLE standards.
He doesn’t fail Via because he doesn’t care. He fails her because he keeps setting up these unrealistic expectations for their relationship. He massively overextends himself and puts his own wants and desires on the back burner so often that his life is imploding around him out of his control.
He doesn’t miss the stars with her because he doesn’t care. He misses them because he’s struggling to put his life back together after finally taking some initiative for himself. He’s trying to deal with the fallout of wanting a divorce from Stella, but he’s waited so long and he’s so overwhelmed by it all that the date slips his mind. And the instant he realizes what’s happened, he drops everything and goes looking for her.
Via keeps watching him make these promises he struggles with or fails to keep and doesn’t realize until she finds all of the happy pills how much he’s overextended himself for her sake. And because she’s her father’s daughter, she immediately thinks she’s at fault. She thinks he would be happier if he hadn’t forced himself to play house all these years for her sake.
She’s not wrong. If he’d separated from Stella years before, they’d probably all be better off. But he didn’t because of his sense of duty. Stolas’s problem is that he never advocates for himself until he reaches his literal breaking point. By then, the damage is more of a tsunami than a ripple because now his meticulously crafted house of cards is falling down around him faster than he can pick up the pieces.
Via is right that he would have been happier, but not for the reasons she thinks. He did it because he loved her, not out of obligation for her. And also because he is deeply broken and flawed.
Via’s dealing with a lot of complicated emotions too. Her father was willing to sacrifice himself for his affair partner, which she initially believes means he’s picking Blitz over her. But really it’s just Stolas trying to save the only other person in his life who understands him and who maybe cares about him.
How could he live with himself if he let Blitz die?
And it’s not like Stolas has time to sit down and think of a rational plan. He rushes to the trial because Blitz is literally about to be decapitated. And then he saves him the only way he knows how. I think part of him was also convinced that, as much as he loves Via, she might actually be better off without him because he is a wreck. He’s convinced he’s ruined his life and the lives of everyone around him.
I think this is why he doesn’t fight Stella much for custody of Via. Not because he doesn’t care, but because he genuinely thinks Stella is a more stable parent than he is and that Via will be better off with her as a result. The man also lacks a backbone too tho because his self worth is -9000.
But then Stolas doesn’t get executed. And the consequences of his actions hit him like a ton of bricks once the adrenaline and panic wears off. He saved Blitz, but at what cost? And, based on his statement in Sinsmas, it sounds like he would’ve done it all over again if given the chance. Because he’s the one who let Blitz use his grimoire even though he knew it was wrong. Because Blitz was in danger of dying because of him. And because he has a very strong sense of morality and justice too.
Dying in Blitzo’s place was a spur of the moment decision and once the dust cleared, Stolas realized how everything he’s tried to do to keep his shit together has fallen apart at the seams and now everyone knows it.
All Via can see when she looks at him now is that he’s hit rock bottom because of her. Again, not true. But Stolas has tried so hard to give her this idyllic family life, thinking that was the best thing he could do for her. Not realizing that she could see the cracks forming. She just didn’t understand why there were cracks until now.
I don’t think Via actually hates him. I think she hates herself. Convinced she’s the reason he’s hit rock bottom. Why couldn’t she see how much he was suffering? Why would he suffer so much for her? So she’s taking herself out of the equation, just like he tried to with Blitz. If she’s not in his life anymore, maybe he’ll stop killing himself to try to make her happy. Maybe he’ll stop being so miserable.
I think a big part of their arc together has been her going from thinking of Stolas as this perfect and larger than life figure to seeing him start to crumble and now getting a peek behind the curtain and realizing how much of that wasn’t real. And it scares and upsets her that her dad isn’t the perfect person he’s tried to be for her. He’s broken and hurting and she doesn’t know what to do to help because he’s spent her whole life focusing on her.
Not to say that he’s done that well. He genuinely hasn’t. He’s overcorrected so hard that he’s fucked her up in a completely different way because he’s overextended himself. He pushed himself until the illusion of a perfect happy family cracked along with him. He’s also made it difficult for her to know how to help him because he’s sheltered her so much.
I think this sometimes makes Stolas come across as selfish. He seemingly “ruined” his marriage and his relationship with his daughter for Blitz. But really it was just the pendulum swinging wildly in the opposite direction. He was so starved for happiness and connection that now he’s trying to live two separate lives and it’s just not possible and he’s falling apart even faster.
Stolas was so desperate for affection and to be of use that he lets Blitz have his grimoire, under the impression Blitz is attracted to him because Blitz literally tried to seduce him to get it. He also does all of the dirty talk because he thinks Blitz likes it.
I think he initially sets the terms for the grimoire usage because he thinks it’s a price Blitz is more than willing to pay because he showed up trying to seduce him. I think he l also just really wants an excuse to see/spend time with Blitz too. It doesn’t even cross his mind that Blitz might want anything other than sex from him. He’s once again playing a role based on what he thinks is expected of him.
It’s not until Stolas discovers he’s starting to develop feelings for Blitz that he realizes their arrangement is wrong. And the moment he realizes it, he immediately tries to make amends. He hopes Blitz will admit he has feelings for him too, but is willing to step away if not. But he also cares about him so much, he makes sure to give him the Asmodean Crystal so he can freely make the choice.
Meanwhile he has no idea Blitz will just view this as another person trying to abandon him or look down on him. Because Blitz struggles with self worth too and believes the only way people will care about him is if he can be useful. Blitz has a deep seated fear of abandonment while Stolas fears no one could ever love him just for himself. He offers Blitz the crystal to let him know his feelings are genuine and to gauge Blitz’s too.
All of this is to say that I think Via and Stolas will reconcile, hopefully sooner rather than later. I think Via needs some time to process who her father actually is vs who she thought he was. And both of them need to be able to forgive themselves/grant themselves some grace so they can finally meet each other in the middle like Stolas has finally managed with Blitz. Stolas needs to accept Via is grown up now and he can’t shield her from the negatives of the world forever. Meanwhile Via needs to understand everything doesn’t have to be so black and white.
#helluva boss#stolas#blitzø#octavia#sinsmas#I had more feelings than I thought I did…#hismercy’s musings
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Tea
by Leila Chatti
Five times a day, I make tea. I do this because I like the warmth in my hands, like the feeling of self-directed kindness. I’m not used to it — warmth and kindness, both — so I create my own when I can. It’s easy. You just pour water into a kettle and turn the knob and listen for the scream. I do this five times a day. Sometimes, when I’m pleased, I let out a little sound. A poet noticed this and it made me feel I might one day properly be loved. Because no one is here to love me, I make tea for myself and leave the radio playing. I must remind myself I am here, and do so by noticing myself: my feet are cold inside my socks, they touch the ground, my stomach churns, my heart stutters, in my hands I hold a warmth I make. I come from a people who pray five times a day and make tea. I admire the way they do both. How they drop to the ground wherever they are. Drop pine nuts and mint sprigs in a glass. I think to care for the self is a kind of prayer. It is a gesture of devotion toward what is not always beloved or believed. I do not always believe in myself, or love myself, I am sure there are times I am bad or gone or lying. In another’s mouth, tea often means gossip, but sometimes means truth. Despite the trope, in my experience my people do not lie for pleasure, or when they should, even when it might be a gesture of kindness. But they are kind. If you were to visit, a woman would bring you a tray of tea. At any time of day. My people love tea so much it was once considered a sickness. Their colonizers tried, as with any joy, to snuff it out. They feared a love so strong one might sell or kill their other loves for leaves and sugar. Teaism sounds like a kind of faith I’d buy into, a god I wouldn’t fear. I think now I truly believe I wouldn’t kill anyone for love, not even myself — most days I can barely get out of bed. So I make tea. I stand at the window while I wait. My feet are cold and the radio plays its little sounds. I do the small thing I know how to do to care for myself. I am trying to notice joy, which means survive. I do this all day, and then the next.
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gift exchange
word count: 2.4k
synopsis: in which you get sick on christmas, and sylus is there to make it better.
contains: sylus x mc!reader (not dating but sylus is down bad), christmas themes, a singular reference to his myth, a singular reference to grassland romance, mentions and consumption of food, suggestive themes, cursing, angst, and fluff.
a/n: i got sick. again. on christmas too. you know what that means. sylus time! on a related note, i hope everyone had a wonderful christmas. my rafayel fic is gonna upload soon as well. enjoy! reblogs and comments always welcome! do NOT copy or translate my work. sylus does NOT endorse plagiarism.
you curse as you rip open a hot chocolate packet. "sick on christmas," you grumble as you pour the contents into a mug. "how the fuck is that even possible."
of course, anyone can get sick at any time. it's inevitable. but, seriously? of all the days the pain in your throat and ears could have appeared, it just HAD to be on fucking christmas day. sure, it's not like you had any plans. normally you would celebrate with grandma and caleb by feasting on countless dishes and singing christmas songs from an old karaoke machine caleb swears isn't broken. but they're not around anymore.
you sigh miserably as you trudge over to the water dispenser for hot water, not wanting to think about your lost family. as you press the button for hot water, you lean against the dispenser, trying to figure out what you're going to do for the rest of the day. you were planning on visiting the market to make a nice dinner or perhaps order takeout at your favorite restaurant. but those are no longer viable options since your throat is killing you and your ears are incessantly burning. maybe you can order delivery? but that means you're going to have to clean up afterward, and you did NOT want to clean anything at the moment, especially with the state you're in.
shaking your head, you bring your mug back to the kitchen counter and search for a spoon.
"water for hot chocolate? i'm disappointed, sweetie."
you jump, an "oh, fuck!" leaving your mouth. sylus had materialized in front of you, a plastic bag in his left hand and a present box in his right. not like you noticed though. you were too startled by his sudden appearance. "what the fuck, sylus?! can't you knock?!"
"no," he deadpans, placing the bag and box on the kitchen counter. his fingers make quick work of untying the double knot on the bag. "besides," he spares you a glance. "i don't think someone who uses water to make their hot chocolate deserves a knock."
you roll your eyes. of course he fixates on that and doesn't explain why he's in your crappy apartment slandering you instead of downing at LEAST three glasses of wine in his luxurious penthouse on christmas day too. "well, screw me for being lazy, i guess," you mumble, crossing your arms.
"don't tempt me."
"huh?"
"what?"
you shoot him a look before grabbing your mug and heading to the other side of the kitchen counter. sitting on your squeaky high chair, you ask, "why are you here, sylus?"
he takes out a styrofoam container and opens its lid. immediately, the comforting smell of miso greets you. as sylus opens a cabinet to retrieve a pot (you don't question how he knows where to find it), you try to look at what else is in the plastic bag. tilting your upper body, you notice another container and hope it has some rice inside. what you don't notice is sylus' breath hitching when he turns back to you after pouring the miso soup into the pot and turning on the stove.
you were wearing a nice, loose top in your favorite color. except, its neck portion was completely cut off, leaving your collarbone and shoulders deliciously exposed. and because you were leaning on your side to take a look at what he had brought you (he loves when you're curious about anything involving him), the sleeve was slowly yet surely sliding down your arm, threatening to show a cup of your bra.
sylus instantly turns back to the stove, even though the miso soup shows no signs of boiling. rubbing a hand over his face, he shakes his head. no, he's not here to ogle at you (the top looks really good on you, and fuck, did your bra cup your breasts really nicely). he's here to take care of you. earlier, mephisto alerted him you were taking some cough drops. and knowing you, you probably didn't have any food on hand to sustain you through your sickness, given his last (secret) visit to your apartment to stock your (empty) fridge. taking a deep breath, sylus returns to the kitchen counter, reaching for the other container. he notices your inquisitive eyes.
"i'm here because it's christmas." he opens the container, and to your delight, it's omurice. marveling at how fluffy the omelette looks and how savory the fried rice appears, you almost miss his answer.
"huh?" you frown. "you're here because it's christmas?"
"is that not what i just said?" sylus jests as he plates the omurice and places it in your microwave.
"well," you start carefully. "shouldn't you have better things to do? like take luke and kieran shopping or pop open another bottle of wine because woo! christmas!"
the silver-haired man shakes his head with a chuckle, propping his hands on the kitchen counter. you try not to focus on his exposed forearms too much. forget the omurice and miso soup; you'll take his arms instead.
"first of all, luke and kieran are busy—"
"on christmas?!"
"yes, sweetie, on christmas." he raises a brow at you for interrupting. you drag your sleeve back up sheepishly.
"second of all, what makes you think i haven't already indulged in a bottle of wine today?" he tilts his head and crosses his arms, gazing at you with a hint of amusement in his ruby eyes.
you pout and look away. "fair point, i guess."
enjoying your cute reaction, sylus returns his attention to the stove. pleased to find the miso soup boiling, he turns off the stove and takes out a bowl from your cabinet (again, how does he know where to find that?). using a ladle to pour into the bowl, he hums a little tune. you try not to snicker at how terrible he sounds. after sliding a bowl of soup and a plate of omurice to you, sylus plants his elbows on the counter and rests his chin on a palm, allowing him a perfect view of his beloved (though you don't know you're his beloved yet; luke and kieran called him a loser before getting their asses handed to them).
"uh," you look at sylus, then at the food, and then sylus again. "you're not going to eat?"
he shakes his head. "i already ate before coming here."
hesitantly, you pick up your utensils. "you know you technically haven't answered my question, right?"
"i'll tell you once you finish." sylus responds immediately. it's almost as if he knew what you were going to say.
no longer wanting to torture your stomach, you cut into the omurice and take a bite. "mmm!" you cover your mouth as you chew. the softness of the egg, the savoriness of the fried rice—oh, you're in heaven. "this tastes really good, sylus!" you take a sip of the miso soup as well. not only does the warm broth soothe your throat, but the spice that comes with it clears up your sinuses, ceasing the burn in your ears.
the man in front of you can't help but smile at the sight. you, in your most vulnerable, beautiful state, enjoying his cooking. he could die a happy man here. and it wouldn't be the first time his cause of death is you. not that he minds or anything.
"thank you, sylus." you take a few more bites before swallowing. "seriously, i needed this."
"i know, sweetie," he says gently. "i know."
you glare at him, but not with as much malice as you used to. "did mephisto snitch on me or something?"
sylus lets out a laugh before grabbing the present box and joining you on the other side of the counter. "he simply saw a poor little hunter in need of some saving."
"since when does being sick mean needing saving?" you mutter as you set your utensils down, having finished the meal. you make a mental note to ask where he got the food. you're definitely going to visit wherever this exquisite meal came from (the man sitting next to you would die if he knew you wanted to visit his place).
sylus hands you the present box, causing your eyes to widen as you finally process its existence. "merry christmas, sweetie."
instead of accepting it, you jump out of your seat and dash to your room, though not without yelling a "wait here!" your heart beats rapidly as you open your closet door, your eyes landing on a small box wrapped in glossy black paper. yes, you were planning on spending christmas alone. yes, you were planning on giving this to sylus as nonchalantly as possible AFTER christmas (as much as he infuriates you, you still wanted to gift him something. why? you're not sure). and yet, here you are, holding the gift to your chest as you sprint back to the kitchen. "here," you pant as you thrust your gift into his lap. "merry christmas, sylus."
now it's his turn to be surprised. peering at what you just put in his lap, sylus can't help but blush profusely. you gifted him something. you actually gifted him something. you went out of your way to buy something for him. you thought of him. sylus brings a hand to his mouth, his fingers gripping the sides of his face hard. oh, you're too much. it's taking him everything to not crash himself into you and hold you tightly with his arms, to press himself so deeply into you until there is no chance in heaven or hell you could be separated from him.
"sylus?" you snap him out of his thoughts. "you okay?"
he blinks. "ah." releasing his face from his grip, sylus looks at you with a composed smile. "i'm alright, sweetie. thank you for the gift," he says as he starts unwrapping.
"it's not much," you say shyly. "thank you for your gift too. i'll open it after you finish opening yours."
sylus nods as he opens the box. his lips part when he finds what lies inside. a pair of black gloves, thermal lined with genuine fleece and adorned with adjustable straps. but most importantly, embroidery by your hands. he could recognize your handiwork anywhere thanks to your previous adventure in the grasslands. the white dove delicately sewn into the wrist of the right glove and the initials of his name intricately engraved into the wrist of the left. the man can't help but smile for the umpteenth time tonight. you really were something else.
"i noticed you wear fingerless gloves whenever you ride your motorcycle," you start as you fiddle with the hem of your shirt. "as stylish as they are, mr. sylus," you tease. "i think it's better to have gloves that keep you warm during late-night joyrides, especially now since it's winter." finding the courage to grin at him, you conclude your explanation with, "merry christmas, sylus."
sylus swears he sees an angel sitting next to him. how could you not be an angel? with the way you're smiling at him right now? and the amount of thought you put into this gift? (he's trying not to obsess over the fact that you observe him whenever he rides his motorcycle.) the head of onychinus has never believed in angels. but now, he does. thanks to you.
"thank you, sweetie," he tries to say as calmly as possible. "i will cherish them." when he attempts to put the gloves on, you stop him.
"wait, you don't need to put them on yet! you're going to get hot."
"it's fine," sylus assures as he secures the straps. "i want to."
"okay," you flush, happy that he likes the gift. "let me open yours now."
you wonder why his box is so heavy as your fingers rip off the tape. a gasp escapes your mouth as the wrapping paper falls to the ground. "sylus," you tremble. "i can't accept this."
a record player. a sleek, gorgeous record player with an obsidian platter, supported by a mahogany base and a crystal case. you stroke the tonearm, dragging your index finger all the way to the headshell and relishing in the cool feeling the metal provides. "sylus…" you trail off.
"there's more, sweetie." he murmurs. out of thin air, sylus materializes several vinyls with his evol. your eyes widen, recognizing the images that lie at the center of each disc.
"oh my god, sylus!" your favorite band, he got you vinyl records of each album from your favorite band. they've never even had vinyl records before. holy fucking shit. "sylus!" you chant excitedly, leaping into him as you wrap your arms around his neck. "sylus! you shouldn't have! oh my god!"
you jump up and down eagerly, leaving the man stunned in his chair. his arms are outstretched, unsure what to do for the first time ever. you freeze, realizing the position you are in. "oh uh," you quickly retract from him, a red hue forming on your cheeks. "sorry about that." you go to sit back down in your chair, but sylus doesn't let you. he pulls you back to him with an arm around your waist and a hand at the back of your head. standing at full height, the head of onychinus hugs you tightly, so tightly it's as if he never wants to let you go. you hesitate before returning the hug, questioning the man's motives. but he doesn't say or do anything. just stands embracing you. realizing he bears no ill will, you pat his back playfully. "you know i'm sick, right?"
his grip doesn't loosen. "yes, i know."
"you're going to get sick, sylus," you tease, trying to pull away. as much as you appreciate his warmth, the last thing you want is for him to get sick. just the thought of it strikes fear in your heart. you're not sure why. "come on, let go."
sylus sighs before untangling his arms and sitting back down. he'll give in for now. besides, he wouldn't trade that elated look on your face when he revealed the records for anything in the world. he supposes he can enjoy such a view some more.
you giggle excitedly as you examine the vinyl records. "oh, should i play this one first? oh, what about this one? no way! you got this one too?!"
as always, you don't catch the woozy, lovesick smile that appears on sylus' face as he folds his arms and leans back to admire you. if this is what christmas with you is going to look like in the future, sylus desperately hopes you'll spend every christmas with him from now on. but, just to be sure, because nothing is guaranteed in the future, he follows your example and says for the second time of the night, "merry christmas, sweetie."
#you have no idea how long it took me to figure out what sylus would gift mc#i was terribly disappointed to not find him under the christmas tree#oh well#sylus x reader#sylus x you#sylus x mc#lads sylus#lnds sylus#love and deepspace#love and deepspace x reader#love and deepspace fic#lads fluff#sylus fluff
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This had never occurred to me way back when when I first watched playthroughs of the game/played it myself, but;
Seeing this post made me remember Max's nightmare, when she was trapped in her own mind/a broken version of reality.
And seeing this now?
Max definitely has PTSD.
Everyone always primarily discusses/ focuses on Chloe's trauma (which is understandable. I'll always be a Chloe defender and don't want to downplay her trauma by any means.)
But, unfortunately, Max's is overlooked.
Now, a lot of people might view this skeptically, question the idea of Max having PTSD. To many, it might seem like Max doesn't really have any lasting form of major trauma after the events of the game. Maybe she really was content and at peace and happy-go-lucky. (I've always scoffed at that scene at Chloe's funeral, when Max smiles at the butterfly.) And I'll admit, within the context of the story maybe we aren't supposed to think so. But if that's the case I just have to assume that's due to the developing team's lack of knowledge, experience with mental health and how it works, the impact things like this have on someone. Not that they are coming from a malicious place, of course. But very rarely does a person 'get it' unless they've been through it themselves. The average person simply won't understand.
But if you see everything I've described here as it's laid out, it makes total sense;
Let's talk about Jefferson. He is just one of many elements in the game contributing to Max's trauma. He was her teacher, someone she looked up to, respected, and was supposed to be able to trust. She truly felt safe around him. It's implied she had a crush on him. But her image of him completely shattered. After the truth about him was revealed, she was no longer able to trust her own judgement of people, her perception of reality.
He drugged her when she was vulnerable, and she was helpless to watch as he shot and killed the love of her life right in front of her. He kidnapped her, and she was thrown from the frying pan right into the fire. When she woke up she was tied up in a basement, helpless, and he had burned all her photos. Not only precious memories, but also one of her only means of going back and fixing things. He then took photos of her, over and over, this went on for who knows how long, while she was drugged, tied up and helpless, in order to satisfy his own perversions. Throughout, he mocked and tormented her.
Then, let's go into what happened with Chloe. Having to watch her best friend, the girl she loved, die over and over and over again. Max felt responsible for fixing it, preventing it, because she was the only one who possibly could. She would blame herself, think of it as a failure on her part each time Chloe died.
After watching her die in various ways, so many times, I'm sure Max questioned if she really even could save Chloe- or if Chloe was supposed to die from the start, and the universe was determined to restore the balance, no matter what Max did or how hard she tried.
And then there's Kate. This could go one of two ways depending on your choices, one of which is infinitely worse and more traumatizing, but either way it would definitely have haunted Max and left an impact on her.
Imagine how you would feel, knowing one of your closest friends was being bullied. Knowing they have been drunk/drugged and taken advantage of at a party. Yet instead of anyone coming forward, doing the right thing and helping Kate out of that situation, everyone at the party instead weaponized it, used it against her, slut-shamed her even though she wasn't in her right mind, was barely even conscious and was in no way able to consent to anything that was happening. Not that slut-shaming her would have in any way been okay or excusable even if Kate was acting of her own volition. Knowing that, even though you don't agree/don't identify with that, that your friend is deeply religious and clings to faith as a means of comfort. Knowing that she feels like a failure, that she feels like she's betrayed her faith, everything she stands for, and her family, even though she was in fact a victim in her situation. Being able to read letters, watching her family victim-blame her, hide behind their beliefs as a means to tear down someone they should feel obligated to protect, to support. Watching your friend be alienated by everyone around her, including her own family. Watching the school bullies write obscenities about your friend on the walls, and in the bathroom, make jabs at her and taunt her at every possible opportunity. Your friend's light has begun to dim, she starts pulling away from you, begins hiding away in her room more, which now feels like a dark, oppresive void. You know your friend is depressed, and you're trying to be supportive in any way you can, but there's a distance building between you you feel you can't bridge.
Then it happens. She kills herself/tries to kill herself. In front of you, and everyone who tormented her. Even then, the people who hurt her have no shame, laughing and recording her when she's in crisis. You begin to question and blame yourself, blaming youself for not noticing something was severely wrong earlier, not recognizing the impending signs for what they were. You want to help your friend, to save her, but your powers at failing you at the worst possible time. You only get one chance to do this, like everyone else, and you have to do it the right way.
If Max managed to talk Kate down, that's still an instense emotional weight, still a serious event to work through and process.
If Kate jumps…well…
Max feels like a failure. Like she contributed to Kate's death just as much as everyone else. Like she may as well have pushed Kate off that ledge herself. Not only watching your friend die in front of you, but knowing that it was self-inflicted in a moment of desperation, that they chose to do so and your words had no effect…
Now, the end of the game. Depending on what you choose, Max either has to to feel an immeasurable weight on her conscience, the responsibility for the destruction of the town where she was born. Where she grew up. Where she has countless memories, despite its' faults. The deaths of almost everyone there she's ever known.
Including (especially) Joyce.
The guilt of feeling like she took Chloe's mom away from her too, after Chloe had already lost her dad.
Oh. And that reminds me.
It was an incredible miracle, Max discovering her ability to go back through time via photos. Being able to go back 5 years, to when she and Chloe were only 13, before all the horror had happened, and save William. The sense of sheer relief, happiness and accomplishment she felt. She felt like a hero.
Only for it to all blow up in her face in the worst possible way.
Seeing Chloe, now a total shell of her former self. Completely disabled, and paralyzed. Helpless. Unable to live on her own. Seeing firsthand the emotional and financial stress William and Joyce are going through as a result of the accident. Chloe having so little quality of life that she pleads with Max to kill her, because she can't even do it herself.
(This is not my narrative or opinion on Chloe's situation, by the way. This is how it's portrayed. Quality of life, determining whether your life is worth living to due a life-changing accident or consequent disability is the choice of the invidual whom it effects. I'm not saying that anyone in Chloe's situation, who is paralyzed would inherently have no quality of life or no reason to live. That really depends on the invidiual, what that person needs in order to truly live and thrive, whether that person has family and friends and an emotional/practical support system in their life, etc. For Chloe, for me, and for many other people, though not all, living that kind of life would not be worth it.)
Max, depending on your choices, having to kill Chloe, to choose the merciful path, allow Chloe to exercise her autonomy in a world in which she can no longer do so and put her out of her misery. Knowing that she's doing for Chloe what she'd want someone to do for her if she were in that situation, yet still full of pain and regrets.
Max then having to go back and undo it all. Allow William to die again. Watch Chloe experience that horror and trauma again, knowing now she could've prevented it. But at what cost?
Lastly, if you chose to let Chloe go. To let her die.
That makes it immeasurably worse in my opinion.
The week she and Chloe spent together, reconnecting and rebulding their friendship, everything they went through together, would essentially never have happened.
Chloe, in this timeline, died alone in a bathroom. She never recieved any sort of closure, never got to know what happened to Rachel, questioning if Rachel perhaps just abandoned her, similarly to how Max did.
She never got to resolve things with Max, never heard from her again. She never got to know that Max still loved her, still cared about her and thought of her, but was too scared and guilty to reach out.
She never got to patch up things with her mom, or with David.
Everything Max went through. Everything she experienced.
To recap:
Having to watch her best friend, the woman she loves, die over and over again, feeling helpless, trapped in this endless, hellish cycle of death.
Being lulled into a false sense of security, betrayed and abducted by someone she thought she could trust, someone she looked up to.
Witnessing firsthand Kate's suicide/attempt, feeling like she failed her.
Being forced to let William die again, and force Joyce and Chloe to suffer that loss again.
Having to watch Joyce mourn her only daughter, after already losing her husband. Knowing she could've prevented it.
Everything that happened would still exist, but only in Max's mind.
She has no one she could ever confide in, talk to, or open up about it.
Chloe, for her, was that person.
No one would believe her, albeit understandably.
It's implied her powers vanish after she goes back that final time to let Chloe die.
She'd have no way to prove her story was true.
Carrying the weight of that burden, that knowledge and trauma, alone, would drive anyone insane.
Feeling like everything she went through, all the efforts she made to keep Chloe alive, were pointless.
I don't believe there is any way Max could be okay after that.
She'd be a hollow shell, just going through the motions. Totally disconnected from the world and the people around her. (Understandably. Who the hell could she connect to? Who would understand her?) Everyone at Blackwell, and their student lives and petty drama would feel so insignificant. So incredibly stupid and shallow to Max after what she's been through.
In fact, I've always felt - years after the events of the game, were you to choose to let Chloe die - that Max likely killed herself.
Over time, she probably began to question herself, to feel crazy, and begin wondering whether any of what happened, actually did, or if it was just something her mind created.
Max's trauma, her thoughts and emotions in regards to all of this are reflected in this part of the game, her mental breakdown. You can see her self-loathing, the way she blames and criticizes herself, in her interactions with herself and in her distorted journal entries.
Anyway. I never really liked Max all that much as a protagonist.
I thought she was a pushover, a little shallow, cared too much about what people like Victoria thought of her. I thought it was pretty unforgivable the way she ghosted Chloe, at the most traumatic, formative time of Chloe's life, when she had just lost the most important person in her life, besides Max. I understand anxiety, feeling awkward, helpless and flailing in that situation and not knowing what to say or do to make it better, but it just doesn't matter to me. Nothing excuses that.
However…
Max, did ultimately (well, depending on your choice at the ending,) make it right.
This has given me some perspective, and I have a lot more empathy for her now.
you thought you could control everybody and everything, huh? — twist time around your fingers?
#life is strange#lis#max caulfield#life is strange max#lis max#max caulfield life is strange#max caulfield lis#max life is strange#max lis#max's mental health#PTSD#analysis#media analysis#media literacy#literary analysis#characterization#meta#life is strange meta#thesis#character thesis#character analysis#chloe price#life is strange chloe#pricefield#chloe price x max caulfield#max caulfield x chloe price#chloe x max#max x chloe#chloe price life is strange#fave posts
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Fairy King
The day was normal if not, relatively boring. There had been the usual alien invasion, which the JL swiftly took out. Now they were in a meeting being hosted by Batman so they could go over everything that just happened as if they weren’t there. Now see when the meeting was over was when things got interesting.
JL: *all about to get up so they can go home*
Marvel: “Guys, before we go, can I announce something?”
JL: *groans because they just wanna go home and sleep after that entire ordeal, but still sit down*
Marvel: “I promise it’ll be quick. Look, I’m getting married-”
JL: *half their jaws drop while the other half is still processing what he said*
Marvel: “-And I want you guys all to come.”
JL: *the other half’s jaws drop too now*
Supes: “Wha…? Cap, what do you mean you’re getting married?”
Marvel: *passing out invites* “I mean I’m getting married. To the Fairy Queen. As a result of a treaty to get her to stop waging war on the gnomes.”
JL: *all stare*
Marvel: “Oh, don’t worry guys. Fairy lifespans are only about five years. She’s already a little more than halfway though.”
Flash: “Is that a good thing…?”
Marvel: “For me it is. Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely terrible that she’s gonna die, but I don’t really wanna be married to anyone so…”
*silence*
Marvel: “Anyways! I would really love if you guys came.”
They did. After all, they did not want to miss this. Some of the guys even got to go into the dressing room and talk to Marvel.
Marvel: *doing his tie in the mirror, trying to remember how Tawny taught him*
Aquaman: “So… are you guys gonna have any kids?”
Marvel: “No? Why?”
Aquaman: “Well, you know, royal marriages are normally completed after consummation.”
Marvel: *slowly looks over to him with a horrified expression before the expression disappears* “Wait a minute. Fairies make kids by combining magic! Geez… you had me worried for a sec.”
Flash: “So I guess we’ll be seeing another mini Cap running around then.”
Marvel: “What do you mean by another?”
Flash: “Mary is basically a mini you if you were a girl. And Junior? He uh… looks like you too. Kinda. But I’m mostly talking about Mary.”
Marvel: “Oh. I guess so then. We’ll have another mini me. Yay.”
Aquaman: “Will they go into heroics too?”
Marvel: *pauses fiddling with his tie* “Now that I think about it, I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to see what my future wife thinks.”
It was all in all a beautiful wedding. Junior was Cap’s best man. Mary was a flower girl. Flash got to stuff his face with human and fairy food. Aquaman talked politics with some of the fairy politicians. Batman talked about security and defense with some retired warrior fairies. It was nice.
A month later…
Marvel: “Hey guys! Wanna meet my baby?” *has a baby strapped to his chest*
GL: “Whaaaaaaat…?” *rapidly looking between the baby and Marvel before coming to a realization* “Oh is this your fairy baby?”
Marvel: “Yup!”
GL: “Aww look at the little guy.” *reaches over to poke the babies’ cheek*
Fairy Baby: *bites his hand with surprisingly sharp teeth*
Flash: *screams*
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starring: alexander "konig" kilgore x male reader
request: just thinking about innocent naive reader getting corrupted and not even noticing a single thing because he just want to be a good friend. . .
warnings: smut + angst, yander!konig, kinda obsessive, handjob
konig was such a good friend to you, he would never do anything to hurt such a pretty thing like you and plus you were both best friends so nothing was ever kept a secret between you two, so imagine konigs' face when you announce you have a date with some guy.
watching his face crack into a soft smile and telling you how happy he is for you but behind those eyes he was mad as hell, i mean who does this new guy think he is to try and take you from him, and it gets even worse when you come back from the date the next night and tell konig about how you loved it so much with the biggest smile on your face.
as much as he wants to feel happy for you he just cant imagine anyone else stealing him from you so he makes up a lie "i don't know about him y/n" he blankly making you question him "what do you mean" you ask him "i just have a weird feeling about him" he continues looking at you with the most beautiful eyes "well what if you just get to know him" you try to give an idea but konig pipes up with "you know my gut feeling is usually always right"
and he was kinda right i mean there was that one time you had feeling for this one guy and it turned out he was actually arrested for murder, or at least that's what konig told you (he pulled some strings at the police station and got what he wanted) "well then yeah i guess i can stop seeing him" you say and within seconds konigs arms are wrapped around you and he's thanking you for trusting him.
and queue the constant run of you finding a good guy and konig coercing you to stop seeing them because he has a 'gut feeling' and you trust him, but really he just wants you all to himself, making you depend on him more and more as time goes on by telling you if you ever need help with anything to call him and you do, calling him for even the littlest inconvenience.
whether that be helping you fix something or letting you cry on his shoulder when you get layed of from your job (after he pulled a few more strings and made it seem like you were a bad employee) and offering you a room at his place since you were short on money and couldn't pay your bills.
with you moved in now he can be so much closer to you, sneaking through your things at any chance he could and whats this it seems like you need some new clothes since all yours seem to be gone (he used all of them to jerk off and now they're ruined with his cum) so he takes you to the mall, carrying all your bags as you go to every store getting all the things you want, but hm it seems you need some help trying on those pants why doesn't he help you.
"you sure you're okay with that" you ask him "yeah it's what friends are for" he says helping you but on the jeans that hugged your ass so well, it was no surprise he got a boner, it straining so hard in his pants he just needed some release "fuck baby i need your help" he groans "what's wrong konig" you asked and he moved your hand to the aching bulge in his sweatpants "please just this once" he pleaded and after some consideration you agreed, i mean it was just a one time thing between two friends right.
pulling his pants down his thick cock flops out and you immediately work on fixing it for him, his grip tightening on the top of the dressing room door, your hand rubbing back and forth on his achingly hard boner, this was like his dream, he had thought about this exact thing so much, jerked off to the thought and feel of it but the real things is so much better than he hand.
"fucking shit y/n" he muttered before cumming on your hand, thick load messing up your hand as he let out shuddering breaths, and after that it became a regular thing, konig being all needy and asking you to come help him get off since you did it best (in reality you weren't the best at it but don't worry he'll train you soon enough).
and time after time it seemed you liked it more and more to the enjoyment of konig, maybe just a few more times and you'll tell him how you've had feeling for him to right?
taglist:@mailmango @spermeboy @ghostking4m @gayaristocrat @addictedtomalepits @staarb0y @crispysoup318 @its-ares @gargoylesworld09 @znerac
#konig#konig x reader#konig x you#konig x male reader#x male reader#x male y/n#gay smut#x male smut#x male#male reader#bottom male reader#gay#konig x y/n#cod konig#konig call of duty#konig cod#konig mw2#x male reader angst#angst#cod angst
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Shifting proof, you're not wasting your time.
"My beloved, the distances between us have been erased, I am here, I am here."
(If anyone is able to guess which song lyric I translated here I will love you for all my existence)
If you're doubting shifting, then read this:
Let's dive into your mind. Most importantly, into your dreams.
Have you ever realised why you dream? Dreams are just for your subconscious mind to reherse your current reality, in practice all its doing is to ensure you don't fall out of your reality.
No matter how insane of a dream you're having, it has some resemblance with the life you are currently leading. Have you ever tried to figure out just how weird the whole concept of dreams are? For example, it's common knowledge to everyone, even antishifters, that lucid dreams are a thing. Meaning you can literally play around in your mind. When you sleep, do you realise the passage of time? Sometimes your sleep stretches on for long and you don't realise you've slept that much, sometimes, dream cover a lot within a short cycle of sleep. So what proof of time could you possibly present to yourself during your hours of slumbers, where is this clock that's supposed to dictate your life?
Sometimes you don't even dream, although unconscious processes are going on in your human brain, but where are you? In the void, you're floating around somewhere in the void, without any care of your reality for once, this is called your common consciousness, or just the void state.
Whenever you wake up from a deep sleep, you feel disoriented and confused, you hear conversations and imagine things which didn't happen, there is no literal proof that these happenings are just caused by general grogginess. This confusion is your consciousness readjusting to the reality you're in.
Let's discuss what all of this science and physics is. It's essentially just a method your consciousness put up in order for you to not fall out of reality, and to not have to face thanos out of nowhere, therefore logic exists.
We are from our roots just souls floating around in nothingness, we're souls capable of creation of anything by thoughts, will, and energy. We need a medium for suitable existence, for all of the people existing alongside us, what we have in common is that our consciousness has chose a similar mode of existence for us, which is by living as human beings on this livable spherical ball, where we accept the principles of luck.
Why does a system of being ridiculed by your environment and people around you and the formation of unwanted doubts exist whenever you claim something "impossible" by human terms, for example, if you assumed and started claiming the sun rising from the opposite direction as the truth, that's going to become your base since you are creating reality, therefore you will break reality and to prevent it you yourself once put these limitations, just like how you script your DRs.
But once you realise the fact that all along this organised way of existence was put up by you in order to excite your consciousness by going through these experiences, you'll realise shifting realities, manifesting, or just going back to floating as a soul in the void is a known principle for you and easy, and you don't have to struggle to gain it, you've been doing it all your existence, then you'll shift on command.
Reality is just like a dough, which you have been molding and adjusting it accordingly.
Shape that dough into your DR
It's you. It's always been you, you've been the main provider and controller, you've just temporarily gone to existing in the form of a human vessel, breaking free is nothing difficult.
Anyways, belief in this is all you need to shift, it's freaking easy even if it's just you going to your DR to get railed. "But doubts-!!" Shush. If doubts are able to stop a process for you, you could also utilise them in a way which benefit you, from this moment do a complete uno reverse card on your doubts, you used to doubts your manifestations, go ahead and start doubting your existence being anything but perfect.
"I don't think I can be a common human being weeping over mere earthly problems, all ill ever be is a master manifestor who could do whatever I want."
...
I finished this draft at 5:55.
Now that I think about it shifting using doubts could be pretty neat, but I still have another 2 methods bending from the poll, so that's on my pending list I guess.
This entire post was a rant from my side so if there is anything confusing or out of place, just ask. Ask away until your little heart is satisfied and then go shift because what are you doing here when you could just go study at hogwarts where the stairs try to put you in your grave.
...
#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifting#shifting antis dni#shifting blog#shifting motivation#shifters#shifting community#desired reality#shifting stories#shifting realities#shifting consciousness#law of assumption
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MINE - 최연준 ˎˊ˗ ⸝⸝
୨ৎ: ""mother fucker... " yeonjun snarled under his breath, trying to get a glance of the jackass who had the nerve to approach and even touch his girl. he felt his blood begin to boil, coursing through his body like wildfire. he normally was never like this. "
𓍼 pairing! - fratboy boyfriend!yeonjun x fem!reader
𓍼 warnings! meandom!yeonjun, whinysub!reader, ass smacking, big dick yeonjun, unprotected sex, breeding kink if you squint, slut shaming, groping, yeonjun referred as jjunie by reader, yeonjun calls reader baby, slut, and whore
𓍼 lexi adds! - I dont know how I've been able to finish TWO stories in the span of two days but ye enjoy frat boy yeonjun !! ༼;´༎ຶ ༎ຶ༽ (i was too impatient to let the poll end) anyways merry christmas to anyone who celebrates!! hopefully you enjoy this gift
the party was supposed to be like any other, or at least that's what yeonjun thought it would be.
his parties were the most popular; everyone would be showing up, dressed to impress as the house was lit with bright shining colorful lights and loud music. good thing the music wasn't loud enough to wake the neighbours
yeonjun stood near the door, greeting guests one by one as they entered just as a good party host should do. maybe yeonjun's cool and funny yet approachable demeanour was the reason he became the most popular guy in college.
just because he was a fratboy didn't mean he was rude and distant like the rest. yeonjun was quite the opposite. thats the exact reason why you fell for him the same day you met him. it was only your first day in college, yet yeonjun talked to you as if he had known you for years, giving you a warm welcome as your upper classmate.
you definitely fell hard for him, but yeonjun fell even harder. he loved you so damn much, all of the small things you did reminded him why he fell for you. he just couldn't handle himself
whenever he threw these parties, he made sure your body was protected from any creeps who were trying to get a free show out of you. this time, it didnt really go as yeonjun wanted it to.
his eyes were looking around trying to find you amidst the crowd of people who were dancing inbetween the living and dining room. at the same time that he was searching, he was rejecting girls who tried flirting with him, giving them a quick "I have a girlfriend." after each of their attempts.
one girl in particular just wouldn't leave yeonjun alone, continuing to flirt and try to seduce him even after his polite rejects. yeonjun decided to stand up and go search for you but before he could walk toward the crowd, the girl stopped him, her hands running up and down his chest in a seductive manner.
"where are you going, jjun? stay with me, yeah? I promise you a good time~" she spoke, her voice full of lust and her eyes hinting desire.
yeonjun began to grow impatient his anger starting to get the best of him as he attempted to push her away lightly. oh but she wouldn't budge, staying put in her place and not wanting to leave yeonjun.
yeonjun chuckled nervously as the girl smirked with mischief. his eyes darted around the room, finally landing on you, and a guy...?
were his eyes playing with him? uncertain of what he was seeing, he blinked rapidly, trying to reset his vision.
he opened his eyes and looked again, the guy was still there yet this time, his hands were on you.
"mother fucker... " yeonjun snarled under his breath, trying to get a glance of the jackass who had the nerve to approach and even touch his girl. he felt his blood begin to boil, coursing through his body like wildfire. he normally was never like this.
that was when yeonjun lost it.
he pushed the girl aside a bit roughly, causing her to curse at him, but yeonjun didn't care. that's not what was on his mind at the moment. his only goal was to make sure you were safe.
he made his way through the crowd, finally finding himself infront the you and the guy.
"what the fuck do you think you're doing touching my girl as if she were yours?" yeonjun asked sternly before grabbing the guy by the shoulder and turning him to see his face.
the guy had the nerve to smirk at him, not caring to hear yeonjun's question. he kept his hand on your thigh which wasn't unnoticed by yeonjun. he looked at you, your eyes clearly showing discomfort.
that was all yeonjun needed. he grabbed you by your waist, catching you by surprise and you yelp. "jjunie!"
before you could say anything thing else, your lips were against his in a searing kiss, his tongue invading your mouth and dancing with yours. the guy could only watch in jealousy as yeonjun's hands dragged down along your hips and gripped your ass.
"whatever man, fuck you." the guy spoke for the last time before leaving the party completely.
yeonjun broke the kiss as you both pant to catch your breath. "that 'outta show that fucker."
"thank you, he was making me really uncomfortable... " you spoke warmly, pressing your head lovingly against his chest.
yeonjun signalled the dj for a microphone before speaking in a blunt tone, "party's over, go home."
the crowd awed in unison before obeying and grabbing their stuff to leave. you sit on the couch with yeonjun as you watch everyone leave. yeonjun's still hugging you with his arms wrapped around your shoulder, his grip tight. when a particular girl leaves she looks at you with a snarl. confused you turn to yeonjun who just kisses you in the same rough manner again.
after the party's officially over, yeonjun leads you to your shared bedroom, the room only really clean room in the whole house.
yeonjun sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "that fucker had me all worked up, what a piece of shit..." he huffs out, voice still hinting of anger. "baby, you would do anything to calm me down, right?"
"of course! why do you ask?" you questioned him innocently as you sat on the soft bed. he answered your question with a lustful glare in his eyes.
⸝⸝
"hmph-! jjunie, too fast! ah-!" you cried out pathetically, gripping onto the duvet sheets under you as yeonjun pounded into you mercilessly.
"shut up, slut." he spat out harshly before smacking your ass, causing you to yelp with tears soaking the bed. "all you do is whine and complain. I bet you liked it when he was touching you, didn't you?" he huffed while quickening his pace.
"you're going too fast oh god-!" just as you whimper and whine, you feel your head get yanked back by the hair, your scalp burning deliciously.
"what did I just say, whore? you don't ever tell me what to do. know your place shit-..." he groans and uses your hair as a way to pound even faster than before. "take it! you know you can, slut. your hole was made for dick." he says this as you pussy clenches and gushes around his cock.
"jjunie! 'gonna cum fuckfuckfuck! please, let me cum!" you plead as you feel the knot in your stomach tighten. his grip on your ass tightens too as he chases his high as well.
"fuck! that's it baby, cum on my cock like the good little whore you are! that fucker wishes this were him." just as you thought he couldn't go any faster, he does.
right as his pace increases you cum on his cock, moaning out his name in a high pitched manner. "jjunie!!"
yeonjun keeps going, you could hear him huff and groan softly behind you as he continues to fuck into your spent cunt.
"you want me to cum inside? want me to claim and mark you with my cum?" you're too fucked dumb on his cock to understand what he's implying and just agree.
"yesyesyes! jjunie please-! i need it!" you mewl and grip the sheets with all your might before you hear yeonjun curse behind you
"fuck-! take it, baby!" he groans out, plunging completely i side of you, shooting out his white sticky cum into your womb, getting the perfect angle. he leans toward you, his lips right at your ear "you wouldn't get mad if you get pregnant, right baby?"
you shake your head, feeling worn out, "not at all..." he kisses your shoulder and grips your chin to make you face him.
"good, that's what I like to hear..."
𓍼 taglist! - empty! (lmk if you want to be added for future works please and thank you!!)
#txt hard thoughts#txt hard hours#yeonjun hard thoughts#yeonjun hard hours#yeonjun smut#yeonjun#yeonjun fic#txt fic#Yeonjun smut#yeonjun x reader#yeonjun x you#lexi's world 🍧!!
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ok but do u think the death of this one ceo is gonna cause any material difference? maybe under a democratic next administration there coulda been some push for broader change off the emotional energy of the brian thompson assassination, but it'd be foolish to think we can do anything positive for healthcare under a trump admin (not even to address the likely futility of trying to change things under the dems). in fact we can expect it to get anywhere from (hopefully) moderately to (probably) extremely worse off.
and tbh what justice is there in his murder? would true justice not mean a trial where he is found guilty of all the misery and suffering he commanded and sent to a jail cell for the rest of his life? an end where he has time to regret his death profiteering sounds much more just and restorative than a swift execution on the street.
the correct rebuttal to make to that point is that we don't live in a world where he would ever face those just consequences. and fair enough, but we also don't live in a world where assassinating a single ceo (or any number of ceo's, actually) changes anything anywhere for anybody.
idk ig im just here to ruin everyone's day with the bitter pill that violence is actually only condonable when it results in and is necessary to achieve good outcomes. so if there's no actual change, then the violence was unjust, period. thompson's murder changed nothing systemically, and i highly doubt the coming trump presidency is gonna allow that to change. they don't want things to change, the suffering is not a bug, but a feature, and they literally want u to die if it saves them ANY amount of money. they're demons in human skin, they hate u and want u dead, but killing one of them changes nothing - there's an endless horde of soulless ghouls to take the place of anyone evil u manage to murk.
now don't get me wrong, i don't condemn the assassination either. i understand the emotionality of how u get to the point of actually assassinating a healthcare ceo. and i wish we lived in a world different in any meaningful way. i wish killing ceo's was at the very least effective in changing things, but it's not. or that thompson could've been brought to justice, but he wouldn't've. idk ig there's just not much to be happy about here aside from a brief flash of schadenfreude at the evil guy getting got weeks before a presidency that promises to be more openly evil and proud of it than anything we've seen in america in living memory. eh, anyways, thats that on that ig
"violence is never justifiable" what dr suess ass world do u live in
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𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝
pairing: husband!rafe cameron x wife!reader
summary: rafe cameron was your everything, your husband, the man who once promised to love and cherish you unconditionally. despite your inability to speak, rafe always treated you as though the world revolved around you. but your perfect life comes crashing down on an ordinary monday when you…
warning(s): reader in this fic are mute, so if you felt uncomfortable please click back, will see you on jan 9. infidelity, emotional distress, angst.
must read: italic mean sign language.
au: like, reblog and feedback are much appreciated. i don’t know but this idea came up after i went to the toilet 🫠 i’m tagging no one since i’m writing this for fun and might deleted if i felt it’s needs to be remove and hope you enjoy!! 🌟 . taglist | ask
Just like any other Monday. You were sitting on the edge of your bed you reached for your phone to check the time. That’s when you saw it… a text message from an unknown number.
You hesitated, your thumb hovering over the notification. You weren’t one to invade someone’s privacy, even Rafe’s, but something about this felt… off. When you finally opened it, your entire world shattered.
The message began with ‘Hi, I’m Sofia. I didn’t want to do this, but I think you deserve to know.’
You froze, dread pooling in your stomach as you continued reading. Sofia laid everything out; dates, times, even explicit details. She wasn’t apologetic; her tone carried the confidence of someone who knew she had already won.
Sofia wasn’t just anyone.
She was the friend Rafe had introduced you to months ago, the one he’d reassured you was “just a friend.” She was gorgeous, effortlessly confident, and everything you weren’t.
Most painfully, she could speak.
The betrayal hit you like a tidal wave. You stared at your phone, your breath hitching your so tight you couldn’t even breath.
You wanted to scream, cry, or yell so badly but you couldn’t. That had always been your curse your inability to voice your pain.
Instead, you stormed downstairs, gripping your phone tightly. Rafe sat at the kitchen table, scrolling through his phone while sipping coffee, completely unaware of the storm brewing inside you.
When he saw you, his face lit up.
“Morning, babe,” he said casually, his tone warm and easy.
You didn’t respond. Instead, you slammed your phone onto the table, the screen still displaying Sofia’s message. His eyes flicked to the text, and the color drained from his face.
“What”
He reached for the phone, but you yanked it away, glaring at him as your hands began to move.
“Who is Sofia? And don’t you dare lie to me.”
Rafe’s jaw tightened. “Babe, it’s not”
“Don’t!” you signed sharply, your movements quick and angry.
“Do not call me that right now. Answer the question. Who is Sofia?”
He opened his mouth, then closed it again, his hand raking through his hair.
“She’s… She’s no one. She doesn’t mean anything.”
So you admit it happened.
“I—” He faltered, his eyes pleading.
“It was a mistake, okay? A stupid mistake. It didn’t mean anything.”
You stepped back, shaking your head as tears burned your eyes.
“How could you?” you signed, your movements slower now, weighed down by heartbreak.
“I trusted you. I loved you. Was that a mistake too?”
“No!”
Rafe’s voice cracked, and he took a step toward you, his hands reaching out as if to ground you.
“It wasn’t a mistake. You weren’t a mistake. I swear. You’re my everything.”
“Clearly not,” you signed, bitterness dripping from your fingers. If I was, you wouldn’t have done this.
He pressed his palms against his temples, exhaling shakily.
“I don’t know why I did it,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “I was stupid, I was feeling… I don’t know, lonely?”
“Lonely?” Your hands froze mid-motion, your eyes wide with disbelief.
“You think I don’t feel lonely? I live in silence, Rafe. Every day. And yet I stayed. I fought for us. But you…” You stopped, your chest heaving as fresh tears slid down your cheeks.
“I know,” he said, his voice breaking.
“I know, and I hate myself for it. You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve any of it.”
“Then why wasn’t I enough?” you signed, your movements trembling.
“What does she have that I don’t?”
Rafe looked devastated, his hands dropping to his sides.
“Nothing,” he said firmly.
“She doesn’t have anything you don’t. You’re everything to me.”
“Clearly not enough for you to keep your promises.”
He stepped closer, his voice urgent. “Please, don’t leave.”
You stared at him, your heart breaking into a million pieces. The Rafe standing before you now was a shadow of the man you thought you knew, and yet, his desperation was tangible. Part of you wanted to believe him, to cling to the love you’d shared for so long. But the pain was too raw, the betrayal too fresh.
You wiped your tears, turning toward the door.
“Wait,” Rafe called, his voice shaking as he followed you.
“Where are you going?”
You paused, turning to meet his tear-filled eyes. Your hands moved slowly, deliberately, as you signed one final word
“Away.”
“Don’t,” he begged, his voice breaking.
“Please, give me one last chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you how sorry I am.”
You didn’t respond. Instead, you opened the door and stepped out of the door, leaving Rafe behind.
But this time, love wasn’t enough.
And for the first time in years, the silence between you felt unbearable.
#drew starkey#drew starkey imagine#rafe cameron#drew starkey imagines#rafe cameron imagines#drew starkey x y/n#drew starkey x you#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron smut#drew starkey fanfiction#drew starkey fanfic#drew x reader#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey smut#rafe cameron angst#drew starkey angst#drew starkey one shot#rafe outer banks#rafe x reader#rafe imagine#rafe x you#rafe fanfiction#rafe obx
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daisuke headcannons
daisuke [mouthwashing] headcannons!
happy holidays everyone! hope this brings you some joy during this holiday season. remember you are loved, and that people look forward to you. <3
warnings: implied fem! reader contains sfw, as well as nsfw. please read with caution!
loves and reblogs appreciated ❤️
SFW
· even if you guys are only just friends, he is always the first one to say good morning to you.
· wants to be the first one to put a smile on your face, especially on your bad days.
· hates sharing food, will swat away any hand that even comes close to him. however, only for you he will let his guard down.
· is obsessed with matching jewelry, especially necklaces, earrings and rings. letting you switch out his earrings is a must.
· loves being the little spoon. he just wants to ramble about his day as you hold him close to your chest. it’s always the best part of his day, aside from seeing you!
· pet names would include: love, baby, ma, sweetie, sweetheart, sugar, sweetener, mommy
· is obsessed with your scent. would openly just take a whiff, which would make you giggle. whatever shampoo you use—he needs to know. he’d randomly ask you during a cuddle session “how do you smell so good?”
· is an absolute gentleman. we all know this. will always hold the door for you and pull out your chair with a smile.
· loves watching you as you do something your passionate about. he loves to see you happy and smiling.
· he never really gives effort into his looks, but when you guys go out—thrown out the window. he’s panicking like crazy hoping he’s not underdressed.
· lives for when you play with his hair, especially while cuddling. he loves how relaxing it is for both you and him, as you trail your hand through his brown locs. loves when you pull it too
NSFW
· like i said, is obsessed with your scent. it turns him on so bad—even when you don’t even mean to. you guys could just be cuddling and suddenly he gets all hot and bothered muttering “..you smell nice.”
· mommy kink definitely. should’ve been expected as he has some bad mommy issues. one day you guys were fucking and it must’ve just slipped out. he was so relieved when you said it was fine and that it actually turned you on—is now his #1 pet name when making love.
· poor baby, please praise him. he loves hearing that he’s pleasuring you and that it feels good. it makes him so happy when you whisper how well he’s doing and how proud of him you are.
· hear me out—switch, but leaning bottom, a lot. i feel he’d be the best soft dom if you just need to relax and want him to take control that day. however most of the time your topping from the bottom, haha.
· very vocal in bed. he’s loud in and out of bed! huge, and i mean huge whiner. loves to whimper, as well as to be muffled by you. loves to be muffled by your pussy and chest.
· i think all mouthwashing writers agree he’s the aftercare king. like he’ll prepare a warm, soothing bath for you both and give you a nice massage after. of course it ends with a relaxing cuddle session, as well !
· loves your chest. sucking, squeezing, licking, anything as long as he’s touching your chest. loves putting hickies, definitely some of the deepest ones here.
· loves marking you. it messes him up so bad. he just loves showing everyone he’s yours and you’re his. also wants you to look in the mirror and remember he loves you. loves when you exchange the favor as well,
· makes him so flustered when anyone points out ones he thought he hid, or ones on his partner and they put the pieces together and find out what happened last night. (especially if you guys keeps your relationship low profile.)
· overall, this man is a walking green flag. i literally love him so much he’s my baby 🥹❤️
#mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#daisuke x reader#daisuke headcanons#daisuke mw#mouthwashing x reader#mouthwashing x you#mouthwashing x y/n#fanfic#fanfiction#captain curly#curly mouthwashing#curly x reader#anya mouthwashing#nurse anya#jimmy mouthwashing#jimmy mw
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", a pew research center study found that 60% identify as moderate or liberal" Not linked, no definition supplied, Leftists call anyone not a Leftist a Nazi - or if they feel generous, they might, as you did, say Nazi-adjacent. "Liberal" is an empty noise where a word used to be, with contradictory definitions. Meanwhile, even Leftist propaganda outlets are conceding the tide is changing.
"parties such as Emmanuel Macron centrist party have taken more progressive views" Progress towards what, exactly? Because Progress used to mean the inevitable spread of America across the globe. Then the Marxists said Progress meant the West would fall to communism before the East. Then Progress suddenly became the castration of children. Progress is a buzzword, a space where ideas used to be. It is undefined, like "woman". "In Spain's socialist party(PSOE) which has once been considered center left" By WHO? You keep making claims with no substantiation. It is a socialist party. For it to do socialist things, like declaring that socialism means everyone can sit about and the work will somehow do itself, is par for the course. Socialists promise whatever it takes to get into power, because the foundational statement is "Reality is a Social Construct". That is, control people's minds and you control reality. Consensus is all. Which is why you get absurdities like arguing that 2+2 might equal five and that humans have an infinite number of sexes. Socialism has no interest in what humanity regards as truth, it only cares about power, and sees everything as involved in power only. The personal is political because EVERYTHING is political. Which is why all Leftist art devolved to dull propaganda.
Imagine there is a gif from the game Concord here. Tumblr doesn't have one. BECAUSE EVEN SOCIALISTS DON'T PLAY SOCIALIST GAMES. SOCIALISM MAKES FOR STUPID AND BORING ENTERTAINMENT, BECAUSE IT DEMANDS EVERYTHING BE A BORING SERMON.
youtube
But the numbers don't lie. Overwhelmingly, the numbers can be seen on Steam etc. Socialist games fail, capitalist games succeed.
Socialism inevitably fails - the only achievement it ever has is in destruction, and that only succeeds up to the point where it alienates people so successfully that they shoot socialists on sight.
Frankly, I don't think that is far off.
In fact, a quick look at the Leftism tag finds post after post inciting terrorist attacks. Leftists want, they demand, blood. Because they can't win without violence, without killing all those people who use logic and evidence.
Leftists declared they would punch "Nazis", despite the NSDAP being dead long before any of them were born. They just assaulted or killed anyone they deemed an opponent - and mostly, only if they could catch them alone and unarmed. The rioters steered far clear of the States where citizens could defend themselves. Leftists NEED the citizens to be helpless before they can succeed. Antifa is already a terrorist organisation in many countries. How long until they are shot on sight in America?
Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump
"The United States of America will be designating ANTIFA as a Terrorist Organization."
I think people's patience is running dry. The declaration by Leftists that they will be sexually targetting children was a step too far, and their inability to talk to anyone outside their bubble means that they can no longer stay in contact with mainstream humanity.
When Leftists insisted that children attend their sex shows, it became clear that this had nothing to do with gay rights and everything to do with perverts seizing power.
Perverts in charge of nuclear arsenals. Thanks to Leftism.
https://www.houstonchronicle.com/lifestyle/article/houston-designer-says-ex-biden-staffer-stole-17803723.php
Now, don't get me wrong, Biden's Pardon Party means many Leftists will never be charged for their crimes against humanity, but the People aren't going to forgive the folks who raped their kids that easily, nor will they forgive the ones who covered for them. Remember when mentioning Hunter Biden's laptop would get your account closed on social media, because it was official policy that only a Nazi would claim that Hunter Biden did drugs? And now Daddy Biden pardons him for year after year of crimes. After years of saying he wouldn't do it. I understand that the corruption and decadence of Leftism will take years to sweep away, but you know what? The brooms are being readied. Pronouns are already disappearing from bios in the Democrats. OAC was just ahead of the curve.
The Young Turks suddenly abandoned Leftism, although Ana had clearly been unhappy with it for years, and had clearly cheered on Trump as the votes began to tally.
youtube
Go back and watch Ana the first time Trump won, and compare that to the second time.
youtube
Across the globe, the tide is turning.
I have said it before - I think Leftism is escalating, and it will inevitably become just another terrorist organisation, like The Weathermen. What's that? You've never heard of them? Because they escalated to violence, and then were shot? Yes. Nobody cares about The Weathermen, and soon, nobody will give a damn about the Leftists. Their day is done.
I understand - there will always be evil in the world. It will revive in some new form. But the castration cultists always had a timer ticking. There's no future in a movement that tries to stop the birth of children. Humanity will not agree with its own destruction.
if you voted for trump, block me. you're a horrible fucking person.
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Alright, so this is basically...an art dump for all the pics i drew when i was trying to draft the ending i wanted my Odile looping Au 'Like a Wheel Ever Turning' which...is not even SLIGHTLY how this fic is going to end now, but while figuring that out i still like draw all this and had to do SOMETHING with it.
So figured I'd post it and be like 'hey! fun Odile looping act 5 boss fight vibes not connected to anything else!' since like...that basic IS what they are at this point lol.
The one cool idea i loved that i think is now FIRMLY ditched is the act 5 boss fight starts when Odile uses wish craft to splinter herself into two halves.
The 'old/current' her that is meant to be her coldly logical side, and a younger 'copy' version, which is meant to be the childish irrational side...that is what's stopping her just shutting down the time loop because she can't figure out how to be happy with her friends leaving.
I mean, if you murder the part of you that WANTS the wish to come true, that's basically a 'get out of time loop free card' right? Right! Totally sound logic!
Yes the 'young' version of her firmly believes that she's real, and also also got memories going up to about age 21, and also that she ought to be in Ka Bue not HERE among these french weirdos.
Also yes again, a 'young' Odile is EXACTLY as unhinged about this as you'd expect a 21 year old to be upon finding out that apparently the 'real' her think murdering her is the correct solution to this problem!
The shift of the fight was meant to have the inverse 'colors' shift from one version to the other by the end, wrapping up with the point where the 'original' Odile is forced to have a heart to heart with the personification of her perceived 'worst' qualities.
Pretty sure the vibes for this ending was a lot more focused on the resolution of having deeply complex feeling about EXPRESSING emotion directly to other people. That along with a side helping of how isolating it is to be perceived as a 'real' adult such that you can't be weak enough to ask anyone for help. Because really if you can't even be that then why are you any different then when you were irritating mess of a youth?
Not saying any of that isn't still present in the story, but like...there is a LOT of other stuff going on, and those themes are now linked into many other ones too, and that's not even TOUCHING on how Loop's been...somewhat complicating my redrafting lol.
...Also I might have drawn/plotted this version before i knew about two-hats lol. THAT also is a factor.
Anyway! Still liked all of these enough to want to do SOMETHING with them, and figured this worked, so i could like map out my thoughts on them, even if i never got to write this.
#isat#in stars and time#isat odile#odile looping au#I might have written out like...way too many edgy and utterly disjointed notes for this fight too?#but none of THAT compelled enough for me to want to try and even reread it lol#drew all of this in fever state of creativity back in like september i think?#kept having the thought of 'oh i'll make SOME of it work in the main story'#HA no i didn't - that was the denial and wishful thinking talking#Like there was even a version where the 'young' odile had to do the whole final loop with the group#and that's what forced Loop to join them - to keep her alive no matter the 'other' her's attempts to kill her#while 'old' odile took the place of the king during that final run#'young' odile was DEEPLY weird at the rest of the group for the record - while they were also weirded out + low key endeared#Also before the even knew who the 'final battle' was against young odile HAD loudly declared she was willing to die for 'you weirdos' soooo#Ah to be young unhinged and realised people CAN love you despite that...and that apparently this is reason to commit a murder to AVOID#...if i had a nickle for everytime i wrote a odile looping au where she tried to murder herself#i'd have two nickles#which isn't a lot but ect ect#this one is WAY more serious with it tho lol#my art#like a wheel ever turning
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✐ᝰ "You knew all too well i was right where you left me" | CL16 ࣪𓏲ּ ᥫ᭡ ₊
parings: retired!charles leclerc x writer!ex!reader
series summary: It’s the story of a woman frozen in the moment her world fell apart. A perfect dinner ended with, “I met someone else,” and while everyone moved on, she remained stuck in that instant, unable to let go of the past. A poignant tale of heartbreak, grief, and the weight of being trapped in a “forever” that never was.
[one / two / three / four / current / six...]
chapter five
"there'll be happiness after you but there was happiness because of you too"
word count: 6k.
BLOG MASTERLIST - series masterlist
⋆˚࿔ i did something bad 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
The kiss that started sweet and gentle turned into a passionate and steamy kiss in a fraction of a second. Franco felt kind of desperate. And to be fair, he was. He has waited his whole life for this moment to happen. Or at least all of these years since he met you. But he was convinced he won’t ever feel like this for any other girl in his entire life. He dated girls, fucked a few, played with them sometimes, tried to make it work. But none of them felt like you, laughed like you, thought like you, joked like you. None of them were you. And what was the craziest thing to him was that he had never tasted you. Not like this. He felt raised to heaven blessed by the gods. He felt like a kid who behaved properly and Santa brought him all of the presents he asked for during the year. A dream came true.
His hands were all over your back and hips. His touch was warm and determined. He felt like he wanted to remember how you felt, the shape of you under his touch, how your skin felt, how warm he made you feel.
His kisses were tracing a road down your neck. His lips were soft and wet. They made your skin crawl. Your fingers in his hair and shoulders trying to remain stood under his embrace. His skin was soft and his perfume was leaving you drunker by its whiskey scent. That smell defined him very well in your opinion. His skin was on fire. You couldn’t help but feel things you aren’t supposed to feel with your best friend. Well, you were doing things you’re not supposed to do with your bestie either.
Your breath was heavy. Your heart rate elevated. He came back to your lips and the way he kisses you gently again burnt your body. You felt a heat you haven’t felt in a long time for anyone. If you didn’t remember to be this intense before. Franco was franco. And that implied that everything was different. Unique. He wasn’t like other guys. I mean, he was the most cheerful guy you have ever met. You couldn’t stop laughing around him. It was impossible not to or have a serious conversation. But at the same time he was such a great listener. When you told him about Charles that you ended up crying, he was the most comforting person. You knew at that moment your friendship made a turn. A turn into one of the most precious relationships you have in your life. He was so comprehensive. It is actually so rare to meet someone like that in this fucked up society these days.
And for some reason or maybe for all of those reasons, this felt really wrong. You didn’t want to hurt him. You always knew he liked you, of course you did. It was obvious. The way he looked at you. All out of context presents or compliments. All of his invitations to every grand prix during the year. The facetime calls at random times in the day just to check in. and you liked all of that but always tried to make sure you didn’t play with his feelings. Respecting spaces and distances. Codes. He was really important to you, you just couldn’t risk him just like that. Just for a kiss or sex. He deserved to be so happy with someone 100% into him. And you kinda hated destiny for making him like you when you were stuck with Charles and always into someone else (even failing every time).
But now you hate yourself even more. Not only because you liked to torture yourself in a really twisted way. But also because you were actually kissing him and touching him in not a friendly way. Not the way you’re supposed to touch him. Or to kiss him. Or to spend your time with him. This was so wrong. You knew this would lead to drama. And the worst part is that you couldn’t stop. And maybe you didn’t want to. And why didn’t you? What is your brain planning to do? Making every situation you’re in worse than the previous one.
And it was the worst scenario possible. You don’t know how you both ended up in Franco's room. His shirt was already off. Your lips were kissing his stomach going down. It was the best situation for him, that’s for sure. You promised to never get this drunk ever again. You stood up after reaching his boxers with your lips. And kissed him again like you wanted to rescued yourself from fuck it all up but at the same time not stopping at all. You were driving Franco insane and for a moment he felt a bit empty. Was this the beginning of something? Or was it just a once in a lifetime night? Thinking about all of this started hunting him. You have never given him signs that you liked him back. But you were one of his best friends. His hands grabbed your head possessively bringing you closer to him starting to lead you to his bed. You followed him, letting him do whatever he wanted with you.
Were you ready to do this again?
Surprising as it may sound, you haven’t had sex in a very long time. You liked to have fun with yourself and explore yourself. But it was hard for you to feel something towards someone and desire them this way. Because the only one who used to turn you on was charles. And there he was again in your head. He was always there hunting you. Franco pushed you softly into his bed climbing up on you. And that’s when you woke up from this trance you couldn’t quite comprehend. He was about to undress you when you pushed him again as softly as you could because you were now exasperated about the situation you put yourself under. Franco looked at you scared. He felt he has really fucked it up.
“y/n i’m sorry, please. Perdon, I didn't mean to.. I’m sorry” he said, getting up and pulling his shirt on again as fast as he could. You tried to adjust yourself heading out the bedroom. You couldn’t face him now. You felt terrible about yourself. You didn’t know how to handle this situation. You were too drunk. But you also knew you wouldn’t know how to deal with this sober either. “y/n wait, please. Let’s talk” he could grab your hand to stop you from leaving the bedroom making you face him. You felt so embarrassed. You felt like a monster. You looked at his face. He was such a good guy and yet here you are about to break his heart. Why didn’t you stop? Why did you let him do this? You knew it was not only your responsibility, it was his as well but still.
“I'm sorry fran, this shouldn’t have happened. I'm really sorry” when you said those words you could see how his face changed into a one that even broke your heart. He dropped your hand. He knew. He fucking knew you didn’t like him. Then why would you do this? And on his birthday?
You sprinted out of that room immediately. We can say you almost ran away from him. But the reality was that you wanted to run away from yourself and your stupid ass decisions who fucked everything up each single time. The hallway down to where the party was being held never felt so infinite. You knew your anxiety was becoming a bit too much for you at that moment. Catastrophic scenarios were playing on and on in your mind as you took each step down the stairs. The pressure in your chest increases when you see the people at the party. You felt like they were looking at you, judging. Laughing in your face. Howpathetic could you be? Not getting over your only ex fro more than 10 years, then almost fuck your friend thhat you wasn’t sure if you liked him like that for real or not, then wanting to be over everything and then fucking everything up. You didn't know how to handle these situations. You felt like a teenager again. Too many mistakes. Too confusing. That made you feel ashamed of yourself. You were a 32 years old woman, acting like 17 years old, fucking up friendships while you couldn’t stop thinking of your ex. And that’s when you wanted to throw up.
You didn’t want to find your friends. You didn’t want to tell them how you fuck it up with the one guy (once again) that is good for you. How you wasted his time and feelings. You felt like a monster. Like you played with him on purpose even if you actually didn’t want to. You were way too harsh on yourself sometimes. You needed to get out of there just like you got away when you first saw Charles again in that restaurant (or well, now it’s a coffee shop).
It was running away from your fears, you couldn’t confront them. It was running away from you. You hated yourself. You couldn’t think straight and clear about yourself most of the time. The only moment you trusted yourself was when writing. And you also doubted yourself very much on it. You couldn’t win. Your self-confidence didn’t exist. You were sure about it. People were dancing while you were pushing them a bit to walk through the party out to the garden. You need fresh air in your brain as soon as possible. Or you were about to become insane if you didn’t. People said things to you but you didn’t hear. Your eyes locked on the floor. Your stomach was in your throat. The image of Charles stuck in your brain.
I met someone. I met someone. I met someone. I met someone. I met someone.
His lips moved, pronouncing those damn three words to your face. As if they were nothing. As if you were nothing at all for him. And maybe you were. You couldn’t imagine Franco saying those things to you, for example. Or maybe men were equal? Maybe you needed to experiment with girls. Maybe they are less complicated and more open. But maybe you were the problem. Too many thoughts per second. You jumped out of every single boat you ended up in. You didn’t know anymore. In your brain, things are too complicated and you know all too well you will need years to repair the damage made to it. From your dad and mum, to Charles and every single other guy you mate. To Franco and to this balcony where you would find someone maybe ready to love you like you matter, like you deserve to feel loved, like you’re amazing and beautiful. Then you were sure you were completely insane. There was no way you were always thinking about someone saving you from yourself. But there you were hoping to meet the love of your life in that gallery outside the party in Franco's house. Maybe writing and your imagination was rotting your brain. You thought about retiring and working in a library as a normal person would do. You didn’t know why you were thinking all of these things suddenly.
Maybe you were tired and frustrated. You just gave up when you finally got to the garden. The cold air of London fills your lungs, helping you with your anxiety. Your body heat dropped. Your sweaty hands got dry and cold. Your nose is red. Your eyes closed. You were doing your breathing meditation. Your heart palpitations didn’t stop though. And they were fast. Faster than Charles getting over you and everything you built. Faster than you ruining the friendship with franco. Faster than you waiting for someone to save you. Your life sucked. You really didn’t want to think about it like that. But you did. Most times you just couldn't see positive things in it. You felt like a failure. A loser. You didn’t have a lover nor a family. A loser that’s what you were. A complete failure. You had almost no family as well. No father, no mother. Just a brother and a sister who lived on the other side of the world and barely talked to you. Your only family was agostina, your best friend. And she was everything you were not. She has the perfect lover with whom she built a beautiful family of five. Her kids were lovely. She was gorgeous and the greatest person you knew. She was exactly everything you were not. But you didn't hate her. Of course you didn't. You would never think of her like that. It made you as sad as happy for her. Sad for you. Happy for her.
Why can’t you live something like that?
“Hey, you okay?” you jumped a little scared because of the sudden interruption to your thoughts and sadness. You turned to your side to find that guy. I think it was Lando's name or something like that Nikola said a few hours ago. When he brought you back to reality you realized you were crying hard. Your face bathed in tears. Cold and puffy. His face was concerned. His eyes are shiny, so blue and green. You found his face so pretty to look at. Alcohol was still in your veins, otherwise you wouldn’t be here crying so dramatically. You would try to hide it. Always.
⋆˚࿔ let it happen 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
Your eyes were on his eyes. Yours were red and puffy. His red is tired and shiny. You stayed in silence for a moment. You answered his question when he saw your face. Something in him cracked for some reason. Oh, he did know you very well. He saw you on that balcony and now that he has you right in front of him, he couldn’t believe you being more beautiful than on that day, but you actually are. He promised Charles he wouldn’t even try but he talked to Carlos about it. Carlos wanted Charles to move on but he was making a move on you and was crossing the line.
He looked down to his water bottle on his right hand. “Do you want some? Maybe you feel better” he said with a deep voice. He was nervous as hell. Alcohol in his veins as like in yours. He saw your smile. Your face was so pretty. You looked so cute with the boca juniors shirton. He had one as well. He didn’t think they were his colors, blue and yellow, not his thing. But you looked so pretty in them. All of the girls at the party were dressed looking hot as hell. But you and your friends looked cute. Relaxed outfits for the win. And that made you look all so attractive or at least for him. He recognized you a few hours ago. He was kinda shocked to see you there because he has never seen you near franco like ever. You didn’t go to the races nor comment on Franco's posts. Or anything at all. Then here you are. He saw kissing him. He saw you two going up the stairs. Alcohol didn’t let him analizy things properly even if he tried his best in doing so.
Your fingers that grabbed the bottle from his hand, brushed his sending electricity throughout his arm. He smiled gently at you watching you drink from it.
“Thank you, and sorry you had to see me cry” you told him, giving his bottle back and he smiled so pretty, shaking his head. You found him so attractive. You were just trying not to be so obvious. Also, you were worried to look like a slut if he saw you kissing Franco before. But why did you care so much? Why were you thinking all of these things about him?
“Oh no, don’t be sorry. You still look cute tho” he said giggling a bit making you laugh a bit as well. You shook your head not agreeing with him.
“Thank you again, but no need to lie about that tho” you told him a little funny.
“I promise I'm not lying. You're pretty even crying” he confessed, making you blush. “You okay? Need to talk or something?” he asked to checkon you even if you were strangers. “Im lando by the way” he introduced himself so this wasn’t that weird.
“I’m y/n. Nice to meet you. I think I'm better now, I just made a lot of stupid decisions throughout my life that now alcohol just reminds me how much of a loser I am” you were honest. More honest than you would be with anyone. You just blamed the alcohol.
“Hey, I don't think you’re a loser y/n. I mean, I know we don’t know each other at all. But for me, you don’t look like a loser at all” he expressed. You looked out to the garden in front of you a bit ashamed.
“Appearances can lie, you know? I’m a loser, I promise you. I’m still stuuckin a fucking restaurante knowing all too well i should’ve move on years ago. But here I am. Fucking up friendships and any opportunity i have to get better and be happy. I just hate myself so much. I won’t ever be happy” you gave up. You no longer cared about what people would think. You didn’t care if he thought you were crazy for telling him so much private stuff. You barely know his name. But there you were comfortable enough to confess your depression to him. He analyzed you. Every detail of your face. Each word you used to describe yourself.
“I don’t think that makes you a loser still. I think you’re brave enough to tell a stranger how you feel and in my opinion, that takes strength and confidence. And i think you will be happy, you just need to let yourself be” his words hung on the air between you two. Why was a stranger talking to her? Why was he saying things she needed to here? Why his words were important? You were sure he knew how much of a mess you were. It shows. You were sure. But still he was here. Right when you want someone here waiting for you ready to save you. Is this who will save you? Are you out of your mind for thinking like this about him?
Delusion was thinking he will be just like charles wright? You had no idea who this guy was but still you compared him to charles. Because you didn’t want to date Charles again or anyone like him. Or did you? You didn’t know how you felt about all of this. About charles. About yourself. About this guy you don't even know and you want him already to save you just because he called you brave and strong and pretty. Was that really enough for you? Was that the standard you had for yourself? He could be a serial killer right? But you could save him. He could love you. And you would forget about charles. About his touch. About his voice and laugh. About his jokes and moans. About his perfume. About his family and friends. About his cars. About everything related to him.
But was it fair to love someone to stop loving someone else?
Did you still love Charles?
You looked at him again. Your eyes connected. He smiled shyly. You did as well. Maybe you could let this guy ruin you just like Charles did, just because of his face, and his voice and what he said to you without even knowing you. You should get your shit together. You still reeling that fucking monaguesque guy. But at this point you didn’t care anymore. Or at least that’s what you thought. He got closer and kissed your cheek, that took you by surprise but you liked it. Probably way too much.
“I know without knowing you that you’re amazing. You just need to believe it. I’m sure you’ll find someone who sees you” he added and your smile became wider.
“Thank you, lando.wow. Any stranger said so many nice things about me” you half joked shyly and his cheeks went red. His giggles were the cutest sound you have heard lately. Where was this guy?
Then you remembered Franco and that this guy probably is his friend. And your back at your self hate again.
Why did everything have to be so difficult?
Why do you have to make so many mistakes at once?
“y/n, we need your help” Dottie's voice interrupted you two. Her voice seemed worried. “Betty is way too drunk, it’s better if we go home now” she explained, a little suspicious of your both body languages. You nodded.
“Alright, let’s go. Nice to meet you Lando, hope to talk to you another time though so it’s not that depressing. I promise im fun” you said a bit funny but hurried. Your friend first, always. You kissed his cheek quickly. He laughed about your comment.
“Oh yea, she is,” Dottie added, supporting you in a smile.
“Hope to see you again sometime, Y/n. good luck with your friend” he said to both of you and after smiling at him you went into the party again.
“D, I think I'm in love,” you said excitedly.
“What?”
⋆˚࿔ it’s time to go 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
⋆˚࿔ the fucking tuesday 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
Arriving in monaco again at 11 am has never felt so good in your entire life. A trip that started like a dream to remember, turned into a nightmare you couldn’t forget but all you wanted to was to forget about it. Just pretend it never existed and erase everything you did wrong that Saturday night.
You missed your house (your safe place),and you needed its comfort more than you would like to admit. Your brain was a mess. You couldn’t stop thinking about charles driving you to your friend’s house then the memory just fading away and inturning into him saying non stop i met someone. You felt you were going insane when you remembered Franco's skin on yours and how good and warm it felt. How you kissed his abs. And then how you got so scared. His face was printed in ink in your subconscious. You could only see sadness, shame, and a bit of hatred. You were sure at that moment he hated you. Like you humiliate him a bit. You felt so bad about it you couldn’t even face him. You really wanted to say sorry but you just didn’t want to see him straight in the eyes. Shame was tattooed all over your body. How could you?
Then your mind was reminded of Lando's existence and you just wanted to punch yourself in the face. What the hell happened with you at that party? Was the fernet that Franco prepared? You wanted to blame anything except yourself. You didn’t understand yourself either. Like your feelings and thoughts couldn’t agree on anything. Like you had split personality issues.
Yes, you liked lando way too much probably in those few minutes at the gallery. But then there was Franco that you now were confused about how you felt about him. Because you really liked to kiss him. To touch him. To feel him close to you in that way.
And then there was still charles.
You were really tired of thinking already you just had to put taylor swift on your headphones.you took the bus that left you one block away from your house. You don't want to call anyone to pick you up. You texted A and she told you that. You didn’t understand why she did it. But it overwhelmed you for sure. You just wanted to retreat from life like forever.
When you finally got home you went straight into bed. When you touched your pillow you started crying. And that’s how you fell asleep scared to have another nightmare.
⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
Charles watched Carlos leaving his phone on the counter with a weird face “everything alright mate?” he asked. Carlos nodded and smiled.
“Yeah, did you send the invitation to everyone you know?” he asked, grabbing the box with vodka bottles and taking them to the fridge.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be a crazy wild night” Charles said excitedly trying to not let his anxiety control his mood right now. He wanted to have fun and purposely forget about everything with alcohol. A lot of it. As much as possible.
⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
The music was so loud that Charles could barely listen to what the blonde girl in front of him was talking about but he didn’t care that much. He was already bored by the third girl Carlos introduced him to. He knows Carlos just has good intentions but he was already convinced no one will captivate him the way you did. Not even if they tried to imitate you. Since he saw you again he couldn’t forget your scent. The way you smiled to your nephews. How you treated them and how he was confused for a moment if they were your children. He always knew you wanted to be a mother and for what he saw he was sure you would be the best one out there. He wanted to forget about you he really did. But he was also sure life hated him. He wanted to rebuild his life and leave behind the damage he caused, but then there was you again in that fucking restaurant. And in that moment he knew all too well it would drive him insane. And he felt like it. He believed it.
The girl notices he wasn’t paying attention to her. Charles was playing with his glass of whiskey. Her face looked annoyed and disappointed. Charles didn’t care. She told him she needed to go to the bathroom and disappeared for the rest of the night. He drank his whole glass in one take. He just wanted to drown in alcohol right there and vaish from life. From everyone who knew him.
He saw Carlos dancing la macarena with his group of spanish friends that came for the holidays. He was enjoying himself around. Rebecca, his girlfriend, was there as well, matching hia freak. And for a moment he felt something he never felt before and he didn't like it at all. He felt envious. He wanted to have his life. Be him. Have the girl of his dreams dancing around with him. His friends were here but not with him. And he didn’t even like to dance. And don't have anyone to have sex with. Then he felt miserable. Angry with life itself.he was disappointed. He felt he let down everyone in his life. And the proof was that damn book she wrote. He was a coward. And everyone knew about it; they just didn't know it was him all along. And when the truth comes out then his life will be ended.
He swallowed hard and stood up to grab more whiskey. This time he was drinking from the bottle. He pushed himself aside from the party and sat near the pool even if he was freezing. He didn’t care anymore if he got sick or died. He was extreme. He looked at your balcony and wanted to cry. He wanted to cry like a child. Throw punches and scream. He felt there was no way to fix his life. He regretted breaking you so much. He always knew this was everything to you. You were so caring and always there for him and his whole family. He also knew he broke his mum. She loves you deeply. You were like her daughter, the one she never had. The one he and dad would have loved to have if they could choose the sex of their children. Remembering his dad broke him. He started crying. If he was here he knew he would be disappointed in him. Not because of his career (he made history) but because he isn’t with a good woman. He doesn't have kids either. And he now believed he didn't even have a future.
He looked again at your balcony. The lights were off. He didn’t know if you were there or not. If you had a lover. Or even if you have him blocked on social media. And that’s when curiosity won over him. What if he tried to search for your name on instagram? He was sure someone he knew, knew you as well. Monaco is too little to not have those coincidences on the daily.
He searched the first letters of your name and then saw that his ex, alexandra followed you. He felt weird about it and his face showed confusion with his eyebrows. He clicked on your profile and started stalking you. You still paint and have a piano. You used to play piano together. Actually, you taught him. You were the best professor he had ever had. He smiled looking at pictures of random dogs you found on the streets and with your nephews. You built a new family away from your actual family. That made him happy for a second. He knew after both of your parents died, you didn’t get along so well with your siblings. But he didn’t know if it was still like that. He saw how successful you were. How your book was a bestseller and how it would be a movie produced by universal. He was surprised. He would have never expected this outcome. Back in the day you were an art teacher for children and had a studio where you gave those lessons. Children loved you so much. He remembered their bright smiles when the parents came around to pick them up. He admired you so much for it. He even fantasizes that one day that face so bright and happy will be the one your children will have everytime they look at their mother. He wanted to be a father with you. But then alex came around and fucked it all up. Or well he actually did. And he still couldn’t understand why he did it.
Alex Was beautiful, he couldn’t deny that. She also loved him dearly. She was in love with him. And he thought he was with her. But then everything spiraled down and collapsed. He met her at that partymax verstappen threw to celebrate he was an official f1 driver for red bull. He invited everyone he ever met along his life. You couldn’t go because you had to take an exam the following morning. And that’s when it happened. She was dancing with her group of friends. She also had a boyfriend. And we talked and sparks were there. And then Charles got all confused. And they kissed. And he had already cheated by the time he realized that it was wrong. And then he couldn't stop. And his life went to shit.
He didn’t realize he was sobbing until he felt his teardrops stain his creme pants. He was using a fancy outfit. He looked really good. But as everything he touched, he also ruined that too in that moment. And because he was so busy feeling miserable, he didn’t realize the police were already at carlos’ door wanting to shut down the party. I mean, it was a tuesday night of a working week after all.
⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
When Charles got closer to Carlos, he was already shouting at the police officers like a crazy man. He was drunk for sure and the policeman knew about it too. No perfume will ever smell like that. Not in Monaco of course.
“Then tell me, who will call? I need to know who to call. I never do parties and then once I do I can't and it’s not fair. I need to know who called you, it's my right as a citizen "Carlos was verbose and angry.
“Carlos it’s okay, how much should we pay you to let us have a party?” Charles intervenes trying to look not drunk at all but failing in each word. Police men looked at each other, annoyed by these two men.
“That would be a crime, sir” the police officer with a beard that looked disgusting in charles’ opinion, answered him. He kind of felt offended.
“Then who it was!!” Carlos was losing it and Charles was scared they would take him to jail right there.
“Your neighbor” the other one talked now pointing his fingers to his right. His right.
Your house was at his right. You called the cops. At that moment he felt he was about to faint. He was sure he was white. The policemen looked at him weird. Carlos then started walking. If you were in a cartoon show he would have smoke coming out his head right now. He walked fast towards your hose. Charles panicked and followed him desperate. Carlos started banging your door so he could tell you things.
“Carlos, nono. Let’s just go home, c’mon "Charles tried to convince Carlos but he was determined and ignored him. He won’t let you ruin his party. His celebration. His opportunity to present a woman for his friend to be happy. The one he taught you ruined. Becausehe couldn’t be over you. And he saw all of this as if you were now not letting him be able to in a very twisted way.
Charles was scared and worried when he saw your light turning on by the minute. His eyes wanting to leave his face when he saw you in your marvel pajamas again. Your hair was a mess and your face had the darkest circles under your eyes. Your face puffy as if you were crying or you did before you went to sleep and then they woke you up. No he felt as guilty as when he realized he left the love of his life stuck in that fucking restaurant you both loved so much.
“What the fuck is wrong with you bitch? Huh? Stop torturing my friend!” carlos said aggressively the moment he saw you when you opened the door.
⋆˚࿔ TO BE CONTINUED 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
chapter six: coming soon.
tag list: @a-beaverhausen , @annaluna12 , @thehoplessromanticclub , @emryb , @hadids-world , @kaztheemyth , @freyathehuntress , @diorbrxtz , @theseerbetweenus , @sie17136 , @leila-030304 , @charlesgirl16 , @ricciardosheart , @weekendlusting
author’s note: hope you all have a merry christmas ❤️ and that you like this chapter as much as I do !
thank you everyone for reading and sharing what I write. I really really appreciate it!
if you wanna be part of the tag list just leave a comment!
see you on the next chapter :)
Don’t forget to like, reblog or comment! And follow me so we can be friends! (And drink mate together) <3
#works by cate :)#f1#f1 x reader#f1 x you#f1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 x female reader#lando norris#franco colapinto#charles leclerc#charles leclerc x female oc#charles leclerc x female reader#charles leclerc x y/n#charles leclerc angst#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc fanfic#franco colapinto x femreader#franco colapinto x reader#lando norris x female reader#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#f1 fanfic
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