#I mean… am I WRONGGG??

[suja-janee]

I actually REALLY love mk11 especially how the women look

I just haven’t really gotten around to drawing much content from it yet

[thing-with-wings]

captive prince is just hamlet where hamlet has a fucked up enemies to lovers arc with fortinbras.

[cadaverousconsumer]

bro apprently people think im like mean or a loner and tehn they talk to me and their like ur super nice like bro what am i doing wronggg is it cuz i dress like a bully in a disney show

[tojiscrack]

liar liar chapter dropped when i needed it WOO HOO (im getting sick and my fav character died on friday and im in mourning)

this time while reading i wrote down my thoughts along the way in my notes app, so i will be expressinf how i felt throughout the chapter one at a time 😊😊😊😊😊

and i will be expressing off topic thoughts first before we get to. the um. THING. 😐

i am unable to hear or read the word liar anymore without thinking of this fic ‼️ i think the liar liar brainrot has gone too far, i feel bad for the people who havent discovered this yet

NOBARA X MALAKAI MENTIOON ‼️ queen nobara please give him a chance THEYRE SO GIRLBOSS X TOTAL LOSER

jujutsuhighships is SOOOO MESSY oh my god i kinda live for it tho

GOJO BREAKINF THE FOURTH WALL!!!!! i love how you write him, people mischaracterize my goat SO MUCH its so refreshing seeing how you portray him

megumi STILL making mermaid jokes is sooo cute lfmaoa they will be married and like 80 years old (speakinf it into existence) and he’ll STILLLLL be cracking mermaid jokes god i love him

the little bonus scene at the end was so cute and funny 😭 i ADOREEE little megs and y/n so much theyre so funny

now um. onto the MAIN topic of this chapter.

“wow not kamo bagging both megumis sister and the love of his life” (straight from lukas notes app) (oh how WRONGGG i was) (cant believe i was this naive)

KAMO IS A LIAR. A FILTHY LIARRR. (what did i expect its called liar liar) like i thought he liked tsumiki and WE WOULD MOVE PAST THISS GODDDD I WAS WRONGGNGNTN 💔💔

i love how gojo is a HATERR of merkamo 😭(yes i gave them a ship name) moving kamo away from her is sooo funny, bro is ROOTING for mercupine (as he should) also him standing in between them so they cant see each other?? holy shittt satoru i love you

“do you know if shes seeing anyone?” um yes she is??? duh shes seeinf megumi obviously 🤨🤨 (speakinf it into existence AGAIN) number one dreaded question of the century BACK AWF BRAH 💔💔 please… theres a theme of LYING in the story… need the people tsumiki asks to LIE.

i feel betrayed. I FULLY BELIEVED THAT KAMO DID LIKE TSUMIKI PLEASEEE WHYYYYY 💔 im in agony.. now i get what you mean by the angst CUZ WHYATTTTT.

forgive me if im reading this wrong because i am sick and soo sleepy, but like.. y/n wasnt really herself durinf the tutorinf session?? LIKE she didnt talk as much, and didnt joke around as much?? it doesnt make that much sense to say its cuz she was “shy” either because social anxiety fears her, but she felt so serious?? idk i am spitballing here, but she didnt really feel like her “true self” around kamo, as opposed to the scene after it (w megs, nobara and yuji in satorus office) where shes how she has acted throughout the rest of the fic. (prayinf its not because she somehow likes him back)

LAST THING BEFORE I END THIS VERYE LONG ASK cuz holy shit this chapter was EVENTFUL. but i assuming megumi already knows his feelings for her??? its not explicitly stated, and i remember someone else sent an ask and said that hes also never stated it, but im going into this with the assumption that megs likes her, whether hes aware of it or not (she is NOT aware of her feelings for him whatsoever, mermaid is clueless)

sighh although my feelings for this chapter have been made CLEAR. that doesnt deny the fact that youre modern day shakespeare, your writing is TOP NOTCH, and i am truly blown away by your writing every time. its like your words put me in a trance in a way, im so mesmerized by your talent.

AHHHH, A LONG ASKKKK YAYY :😫💗

real for the whole fav character dying thing :/ JJK236 SPOILERS IN RED: i haven’t been the same since september 20th 2023 :( — but he’s coming back in jjk272 trust 😋💘

wait but that’s a good idea, writing your thoughts as you go. I GET YOUR FULL EXPERIENCE 🫨❤️

imagine this tho, if you can’t think of the word liar without thinking of this fic, i propose the new theme change to be symbolic of the fic itself! —> this emoji 💜 shall now represent our little family :)

i’ve also done it for a very specific reason, in that i have 4 fics planned: levi ackerman 💚 , megumi fushiguro 💜 (both have already been published and are ongoing) and satoru gojo 🩵 or 💙 , and finally, eren jaeger ❤️ (these two have yet to be published, but a rough draft has been laid out).

went off topic for a sec but back to liar, liar! 💜 (the purple heart being used as a meme recently is perfect for megumi and y/n too LOL)

the whole nobara and malakai thing will not go anywhere 😭 like, malakai’s just a weirdo and she does nawt condone such behaviour. but also nobara’s type was specified with one specific person — oda nobunaga — a man who was literally NOTHING like malakai mortimer when he lived 💀 source: jjk official fanbook (guys i’d never lie about canon c’mon)

jujutsuhighships is like those typical ship accounts you’d get back in school and stuff, but in this story, it’s not ‘cringe’, yk? they post goofy pairings + real couples + theories to be messy but you get the idea 😭

do NOT get me started on the mischaracterisation of my bbg satoru ☹️ i add a touch of fanon in him, in that he’s more of a parental figure to the students here than he was in canon, plus he’s a little more dramatic here (but i put that in ‘cause they’re not in the other canon verse where he’s hiding behind a mask of joy due to suguru’s defection + the responsibilities he holds on his smexy shoulders). no, he is not a womaniser, no he is not a twink where his whole life revolves around suguru. he’s just satoru here, and he’s happy and well and goofy :) i’m glad you like the way i write him! it makes me feel like i’ve done him justice <3

megumi and the mermaid jokes will live on forever. until. yeah. not gonna scare you ‘cause the next chapter won’t be out for a while, so 😭

the drafts i have of little megumi and y/n would put u in a coma. the shit they got up to is wild (their families were the main cause even if they deny it all the time) 😋 i’m saurrrr happy you liked the bonus scene tho! i had such a fun time writing it (fun fact: it was inspired by me and my sister YEARSSS ago when we’d made a failed attempt at committing suicide ‘cause our mother made fun of us publicly for cleaning the kitchen wrong 🌝).

HAHAHAHA 😭 your notes app was just against you the second you decided to put ur thoughts in there for this chap 😀 i had you fooled and i’m so glad 😋

no one in this story has any rizz except for satoru, maybe. and we don’t even get to see that ‘cause he’s too busy enjoying his non-stressful life here 😊

kamo is a liar. y/n’s a liar. megumi’s a liar. everyone’s a liar 🫢 you just wait till more lies reach the surface MUAHAHAHA nah i’m jk. i just love playing around with YOUR emotions specifically my honey bunch sugar plum i forgot the nickname i had for u sorry 💀

merkamo, interesting. i’d give them mermotionless (her nickname merged with the name she put in his phone — kamotionless’s student) unless we come up with anything better ‘cause mercupine was just *chef’s kiss* 😫

satoru started shipping megumi and y/n from that one scene in middle school onwards (the airport one). he’s their biggest cheerleader, and while he won’t avidly push them together, he’ll do whatever he can to segregate them from any other potential interveners 🫣 this concept was actually pushed forward by that scene in season 1 of jjk, early chapters, when he purposefully placed yuji’s room next to megumi’s. he pushed them to be friends and it worked out great for them. he’s a little more in-their-business in my story tho, but for obvious reasons (he’s got nothing better to do, honestly).

despite this, he forgot he even did any of that when he drove them all home that day 😀

tsumiki is the nicest person ever, and if she thinks kamo’s nice, she’s gonna make it so that she’s honest with him. all this ‘i don’t want kamo’ thing you little liars have going on makes me think about that one line — he said he wasn’t gonna waste his time if she’s interested in someone else.

it’s MEGUMI the porcupine you guys should be attacking 😭 tsumiki asked him first before reporting back to kamotionless, all he had to do was say ‘no she’s mine i’m the alpha’ and tsumiki would’ve gone ‘ok sure, sorry kamo, you’re too beta for her, she’s taken by her alpha’ 🤨

but alas, you guys are the readers, and ur thoughts make me laugh any time so idm what you think 😋

now you know what i mean by the angst? GIRLYPOP IT STILL HASN’T ARRIVED YET 😭😭😭

i need you to remain calm (or go feral) and breathe (or don’t) and be relieved (or panicked) that i didn’t just slap you in the face with the angst just yet…

‘forgive me for reading this wrong’ — I LIKE IT WHEN PPL GET THINGS RIGHT AND WRONG, IT’S FUN FOR ME SO DON’T YOU DARE APOLOGISE ☹️

this isn’t exactly a spoiler so i’ll just go ahead and say it: you’re right. she wasn’t exactly acting as herself. eh, weird way to put it, she’s still acting as herself, but yk how if you speak to someone you’re not close with, maybe just acquaintances with, you might just be nice to them or whatever, but not hit them on the arm the same way you’d do with your best friends or siblings? it’s just that, really. we’ve established that she and kamo have never held a solid conversation before, it’s all new to her.

but then there’s the whole ears feeling hot thing that happened which is a separate thing ig. no one in this story has rizz, just to reiterate that 😟

whether megumi’s aware of how he feels or not is certainly up to ur interpretation. i know the answer as the author, but i’m not gonna reveal it until it’s become a very in-your-face kinda thing. so… do with that what you will :)

right about y/n tho. she’s just clueless.

[lostfracturess]

i’ve got my work laptop out and my phone in hand to live react to this chapter 😼

omg i kneww it was the fkn student he punched. satoru’s so sweet to not want to drag her into a courtcase though.

kafka 😩🫶🏼💕 ive been on such a kafka kick lately omg (not so much reading his actual works but looking at kafka tumblr quotes 😔 i feel motivated to actually read his works now) also the way he sees her?? we’re so beautiful to him 🤭

“what a fucked up way to describe it. a child, small and defenseless against an unyielding force. where was the justice in that?”

☹️☹️☹️ ok i’m teared up. wtf.

“for all her strength and boldness, there was this fragile core to her. one that the world, am i, seemed intent on bruising.”

😩🤚🏼 i feel for reader fr she can do no wronggg in my eyes omg i can FEEL the stress of all this fkn research & trials gone wrong omg. she’s such an empath and it’s takin a toll on my girl over here

OHMYGOSHHH she saw the lawyer papers plsss higurama you had one job 😓 also i know im supposed to hate how secretive n stubborn he is but something ab his habit of shutting reader up w kisses 😩🤚🏼 i like my men toxic like that LMFAO

yaga laying innnn on him omg i love the consequences of his actions catching up to him. the forbidden romance is forbidden romancinggg. THE ETHICS COMMITTEE….hmm i mean considering the power dynamic i think satoru would def be the one to take the brunt of accusation if they were caught 🤔 i really wonder if reader would receive as heavy of a fall from grace as he would

omg the elevator stuck scene 🫣 PLS HE CONSIDERS FUCKING HER IN THE ELEVATOR!!?? IM SCREAMING. also they need to stop talking ab thisss in the elevator omg ppl might be listening or recording 😔 where is higurama w the legal counsel.

i cant tell if its my iced coffee giving me palpitations rn or if its your fucking writing (most likely latter). i looove how theyre resolved to try n keep each other tho :”) despite facing the things going on rn.

sheesh those lab results lmao that patient’s liver gotta be fucked 🤣 Oh WHAT ITS SATORU’s LIVER 😨 NOOO.

aw a signed kafka book?!? 😩🤚🏼 lord…

im on the basketball scene and ugggh first of all basketball satoru?!?! NEED. just imagining his arm muscles flexing while he’s shootin a shot 😩 also he’s sooo whipped for her oh my god. need a man who loves this deeply.

OHY MY GOD A SPARE TO HIS APARTMENT ITS SO REAL. ITS ALL FEELING SO REAL RN. SCREAMING. TRYING SO FKN HARD TO HIDE THE SMILE ON MY FACE RN.

oh god i cant ice ant i cant the hydropmorphone this sshift in energy i cant. to the bathroom for my ten min i go because i alr know imma need to scream for this 😭😭😭

NO WAAAYYY HE’s DOIN DRUGSS OFF OF HER IM ABOUT TO LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND. OH MY GOD IM CLUTCHING MY PEARLS RN. OVER SUGURU’s FUCKING DESK?!????

OH. MY. GOD. SATORU IS THE FUCKING DEVIL. HE’s THE DEVIL. I……….I JUST GOT TO THE END. I COULD DEADASS SCREAM RN. THE— THE GUMPTION. THE GALL?!?!? TO LICK HIS FUCKING FINGERS.

i…….🧍🏻‍♀️i’m literally shaking. im SHAKING like IM the one w a panic attack or withdrawal rn. you ate this chapter up. you ate this chapter ALL the way fucking up and i could cry rn. no words. pheewww AND IM SUPPOSED TO MOVE ON W MY DAY AFTER THIS?!????!

fuck.

girl you make me cry with your comments! 😭❤️ yes, satoru is such a sweetheart for dealing with the lawsuit with money that she wouldn't have to go to court, even if that means he would have to swallow that bitter pill. green flag!!

and yes, pls pls read kafka! there are a lot of short books and stories of him that are just like a four hour read but so worth it, can't recommend that enough!!

OHMYGOSHHH she saw the lawyer papers plsss higurama you had one job

higurma must have done it on purpose i'm so sure!! like i wrote it, but still am not quite convinced it was a coincidence ahhh! and him shutting her up with kisses is EVERYTHING. bit toxic okay, but EVERYTHING.

the forbidden romance is forbidden romancinggg.

yes, the forbidden romance is catching up to them, how would have thought. like satoru was not even trying to hide it that much, but now he's surprised?? he's so stupid.

PLS HE CONSIDERS FUCKING HER IN THE ELEVATOR!!?? IM SCREAMING.

yeeeessss!! he really considered it a split second as he knows that will work quite good to shut her up ahaha he's so miserable with talking and feelings. but he sure knows what he's good at and how to use that. 🌚🌚

im on the basketball scene and ugggh first of all basketball satoru?!?! NEED. just imagining his arm muscles flexing while he’s shootin a shot

yes!!! i want to rewrite this scene out of reader pov just to be able to describe a bit of how this mf handsome man looked in this scene for us to please ahhhh.

also he’s sooo whipped for her oh my god. need a man who loves this deeply.

he's down bad for her and this will be his undoing. but yes, everyone deserves a man how's on his knees for his girl!!!

NO WAAAYYY HE’s DOIN DRUGSS OFF OF HER IM ABOUT TO LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND.

he's so fkn feral omg, like he really got some nerves doing that aahhhhh. also over suguru's desk ahahah. still he could lick every drug he wants from my body at any time ngl.

I COULD DEADASS SCREAM RN. THE— THE GUMPTION. THE GALL?!?!? TO LICK HIS FUCKING FINGERS.

HE HAS NO SHAME!!! this man is so unhinged and i loved every second writing him like that. he maybe is about to lose his mind but he's still serving while going insane!!

thank you so so much for your comments on this chapter, is was so funny to see your reaction while reading!!! thank you so so much for your support and taking your time to write this (also on your rec on the story??? reposting this in a minute), wishing you nothing but the best! 🥲🫶🫶

[manifestmerlin]

Okay so. I've completed all of the IS4 medals, unlocked nearly every collectible (30 lp loss and investment 325 are the only ones I don't have) and am at the point where I'm clearing endings at BN9 just for the little foil marker on the squads (at least for the good ones, dunno if I'll try that with the worse ones :/) and I have more intricate thoughts.

1. I said before that is2 had the best bosses and I feel wronggg about that now. Mouthpiece was the best is2 boss but they all had some real damn strict requirements for them in general and phantom is a way more static fight by comparison. Deer man is the first good second ending boss, and ending 3 boss is actually really interesting. Relying on your skill at managing healing, burst skill cycling, and dealing with consistently tricky enemies over time which is fun. I compared boss 1 to BSL but honestly he's not as bad tbh. Not damaging EVERY operator but only two columns at a time, and not having the fucking SHIELD or hp regen is much more manageable and lets the standard enemies be tougher. Available tiles also offer a lot more room with where you can damage him from. And the less said about is3 bosses the better. Highmore remains the one good boss if you don't try to burst isharmla in the first 2 seconds and Mortica and Izumik are some of the worst fights in the game.

2. God Fodortals are SUCHHHH an improvement over plays and keys and dice and shit it's not even funny. Such an interesting system to play around with. I think I could be a bit more skilled in how I use them, I typically save all my red ones for whatever boss which means I'm probably losing a lot of runs where I could've used them to help me on a harder stage I got locked into.

3. Relics are really nice, although some of them still feel like game changers that completely win you the run while others are like "who cares?" If you don't have specific synergy operators. Like the ones that don't reduce all enemies weight but just... increase the strength of the weightless effect. Yknow. Which is basically exclusive to Angelina.

4. Collapse effects are still ehhhhh for demerits. They're more manageable than I first thought although that's relic dependent, but they can also be kind of RNG swingy. The dominion and double HP ones in particular are really dependent on where they land, they can either be totally unimportant or completely run ending if you get some bad locations/enemies. The shop one is just really annoying and sucks. It's never run ending but it always feels bad whenever you roll it too which is frustrating design since it means you just have less fun.

5. Caster/Specialist might be the best squad, but honestly other than the non class ones that have been in every IS, they're all pretty good (except defender/supporter is kinda meh. Medic sniper is slightly worse than guard vanguard too) Although I haven't been using the ones unique to this mode as much as I did in is3, but that might be down to is3's frustrating design choices.

Overall I likely and I'm curious to see how the recently announced is5 will compare, how upcoming en ops will shift the meta (virtuosa is a nice starting op actually) and how I'll feel about the deep explorations and expansion later down the line. Boss 4 looks like a nightmare on paper but I thought that about boss 3 too so who knows!

[tinylittlelee]

Awwhhh why would you bee losing? I mean when you go to the rave later... you'll have what i teased on you stuck in your pretty little mind and it'll get you soooooo paranoid and sooooo much in a lee mood it'll be super hard to fight it! Pffft~ am i wronggg? Sooo im just giving you a prompt here~ with my teasing.. every. Single. Graze on your body will be sooooo much. Worse~ ;)

THIS IS UNFAIR

IllEGAL

UNJUST 🙈🙈🙈

[madame-mongoose]

The idea you had abt passive aggressive fic reminds me of a first person oc fic that i read where the oc is just a huge asshole to the two. Sun takes it, trying to get on her good side, but it doesn’t work. Moon absolutely hates her

Its like 40 k words in and the relationship is still in the enemy side

LMAO RIPPP

Honestly I could not relate to ever wanting to be an ass to those two bc I'd feel too bad about being mean sobs. I can take it but I can't dish it out 💔

[fairycosmos]

My family is the same I have dermatillomania so it's always comments about my face is ugly bc of scars or abt weight. And like no offence but it's always from my old cow aunts and grandma like they all either look 20 years older than they should or have one foot in the grave I'm fat and scarred everyday but you might not be here tomorrow!!! Bitch. Merry Christmas tho

what the fuck is WRONGGG with those bitches ugh god dude i am so so sorry you have to deal with that :( no bc it's always the decrepit old cunts of the family who project their insecurities and nitpick every little detail in ppl theyre threatened by/jealous of. they'd never admit it in a million years but it's the truth. every time they lash out at you theyre just revealing the embarrassing ugliness of themselves more n more. im sure you look more than fine and i mean that genuinely. it's much easier said than done but i hope you don't internalise their comments too much. theyre just bitter. also the end of this fucking sent me screammmmmmmm. merry christmas icon - youre better than all of them 💖

[itsallyscorner]

So WandaVision is coming out this Friday. I know they’ve explained what it’s going to be about. But what if it’s literally Wanda creating scenarios in her head with Vision, who’s still dead? You know, like what us fanfic writers do here on Tumblr?

It’s basicaLLY FANFICTION THAT WANDA MAKES IN HER HEAD. EXCEPT SHE COULD MESS WITH REALITY SO HER IMAGINATIONS SEEM REAL—

I MEAN AM I WRONGGG?

[magesup]

Hello! Hope u are having a good day! :D

Umm just want to ask of your opinion... As someone who does art, if someone use your picture for things like making a collage or something related without giving you credit- either they know the picture is yours or they don’t know it’s yours -will you, let them? Like, will it be consider an insult and make you feel unappreciated? Just had something in mind...

What if instead of putting your name, they simply say “credits to the owners”, due to not knowing exactly are the owner of the drawing?

Will you feel offended, in any way?

Sorry for taking your precious time! > . <

hello, i hope you are having a nice day as well! 

tldr: if youre doing it for your own personal use (meaning you are the only one who sees it, and wont post online) then please feel free to do so. if you are posting this collage online, you can do so but please give credit, cause i drew the original image in the first place. please dont confuse this with me allowing reposts. i only allow my work to be used in collages, amvs, etc. because its someone turning my work into something new. theres creativity behind it. and dont even say “credit to the original owners” to me, it lights a raging fire in me that can compare to no other

and here is the longwinded explanation :D

for me, it all depends on whether the collage is for personal use or if its going to be reshared online. personal use means only you or some select friends/family  will see it. i know some people like to do collages for fun as a personal hobby and i think thats really cool and i would definitely allow my art to be used for something like that ^^! something like this will fall under personal use. using art as phone wallpapers also falls under this category (which is why you dont have to ask for my permission to use my stuff as wallpapers ^v^) because youre the only one seeing/using it!

of course, there are some people who use art for edits/amvs/collages that they post online like you said and i think thats great. i know i have no reposting in my bio, but for people who make these edits using others art, they are using their own creativity to make something new, with a work that i drew!!! i think thats super cool so of course i allow it. with. credit. im very thankful to the people who asked me for my permission first though, because it shows they care about the original artist ;v;. online, multiple eyes are seeing it and artists should be given credit when credit is due. reposting tho? no creativity at all. the laziest thing you can do to a piece of work. download image, upload to another site, post.

and i absolutely hate whenever i see “credits to the owner” because to me its the laziest and most disrespectful thing you can do to an artist. just the phrasing...irks me. like the person recognizes that they dont own the piece, the artist is the owner, and yet they are still reposting without permission. even a repost with no caption fills me with less rage than a “credits to the owner” so yes, i will be offended. please dont do that

please join me under the cut if you would like to see my explanation that has turned into a rant about reposting

and in some cases there is a watermark on the piece itself!!! clearly written!!! in plain view!!!! and yet people still write “credits to the owner”. like no, the owners name is clearly written on the watermark. plus it takes not even 5 minutes to put an image into a reverse image searcher and find the original artist. i have done this multiple times because yes, reposting without credit is really that common unfortunately and troublesome for people (me) who want to follow and support the original artists :/// my art has gotten reposted COUNTLESS of times with and without credit, and at this point ive given up on keeping track of and reporting them all cause theres just so many. im convinced i am aware of only 5% of all my art thats gotten reposted. 

so to me, as a person who has gotten my art reposted countless of times, saying “credit to the owner”, even though i have written in both of my account descriptions NO REPOSTING in all capital letters, and have watermarked most of my work, is very disrespectful. i remember when my work started getting reposted A LOT for the first time, and i would get super angry every time it happened, and that rage has fizzled out now but it still remains. i still hate reposting with a burning passion.

i understand theres the innocent kind of reposting where the person is like “this art is so cool! i want to share this with everyone i know!!” (i know cause i did this in the past when i was a stupid kid) and then theres the kind of reposting that tries to gain likes and followers...off of someone elses work. off of something that they have not even made or own. how do you tell the difference between these kinds of reposting? the second one will probably have 100 something tags in the description :/...how lazy could that be? to use someone elses work for your own personal gain. my work is my work alone. if you want to get big on social media, do it with your own work. period.

i know im not alone on this because there is not a single artist i have seen who allows reposts with no credit. (and some reposters have the gall to say theyve done nothing wronggg oooooooo how inconsiderate can they possibly be ooooo im gonna kick them) theres some artists who dont allow reposts at all, no matter what condition, and i completely understand because someones art is their intellectual property, im done.

in conclusion please be considerate to artists, we already got it rough as it is ;-; (sorry for the super long answer ;;;;)

[jlpplays1]

Hey guys!!😊😊 Just checking in!!

When I first made my 'tag list,' i thought it was a good idea because i dont really know how tumblr works. 😂🤷‍♀️ and I noticed that my news feed is constantly changing and i was finding it really easy to personally miss people's posts that I didn't want to miss because of the way it came up on my dash. If i wasn't on right that second, i would miss it.🙄

I thought that creating my tag list would be fun and a good idea since people were messaging me saying that they liked what I was making and didn't want to miss it. But now I'm making more than just one type of edit👍

And I have a feeling that a lot of people that were asked to be added didn't realize that I was going to do so many books or do more than just one type of edit and got upset that I was tagging them.😶 And that's ok, because I don't want to bug you with notifications if you don't want to. But I've been getting not nice messages about it. I only did what I thought you wanted.🤷‍♀️ So if you are on here and don't want to be because you didn't realize what you were signing up for, then i am so sorry just let me know and I'll stop tagging you.👍 I don't mean any harm.🙃that's why I made that post from the other day

Please comment on this post if you want to stay on. Using that post response, this is the new tag list-😊😊::

@loveellamae 😊😊(hi and welcome! Everything that I've posted so far is saved under @jlpplays1masterlist if you wanted to catch up)

@drakesensworld

@findingdrake

@princess-geek

@i-bloody-love-drake-walker

@justapenguinfanatic

@gardeningourmet

@wonderwithrobin

@katedrakeohd

@justdani14

@choices-bound

@donutsgirl36

@krishu213

@griselda1121

@lady-kato

@luxurylives

@alicars

@choicesgremlin (hi and welcome! Everything that I've posted so far is saved under @jlpplays1masterlist if you wanted to catch up)

@alj4890

@sonsie0613

@amomentofsinclairity

@lovedrakewalker

@avanthikachoices

@akrenich

@eadanga

@mrsnazariowalker

@thequeenofcronuts

@crazy-loca-blog

@lilyofchoices

@silverofdreams

@mellorax (for art)

@fluffy-marshmallow-heart (only for oh, te and Jaime.. do you want to be added to blades of light and shadow?)

@drakewalkerfantasy (I think I messed up and tagged you in a couple if things recently-sorry! Heres what I have you down for : te, oh, d&d and moty)

@ohsnapitzlovehacker (everything but trr??)

@helentwombly (drawings, te, trr, bb, older books)

@flowerpowell ( trh, d&d, drawings + Platinum)

@vevillia (oh, d&dm moty and trr??)

@hopelessromantic1352 (oh/Thomas red, corgis damien)

@choicesfashionfound (d&d)

Let me know if I missed you or I got it wronggg

[uglifish]

ugli!!!!!!!!!! your writing is so smooth and flawless. I look up to you alot so maybe do you have any writing tips to give me? I am just starting out, thanks :)

Aww thank you!! and sure! :DDD but keep in mind that these tips stem from my personal experience (and are also things i am trying to work on in my own writing in this upcoming year!) ~

+ write stories, not scenesone of my biggest problems was focusing too much on the scene and not moving the story along, not adding enough plot elements to (snaps fingers) move it along, y’kno?so i always gotta remind myself, “what is being accomplished in these past 500 words, and do they contribute to big picture?”(if the answer is a medium “no”, i consider scrapping it, re-writing it, or placing it somewhere where it can contribute to the plot)+ “just write” is bad advice, but can be good advice too?some people argue that “just write” is bad advice, but i personally dont think so, because any writing IS writing, just like how any drawing (even if its just a bunch of badly doodled circles on a page) IS drawing.how you gonna be an artist if you dont put your pen down on paper? likewise, how are you gonna write anything if you dont just start writing?is a bunch of messy circles a good drawing?(are broken bits of thought a good piece of writing?) no, not necessarily, but there’s something down on paper, and that’s better than nothing.it has the potential to be something, and that’s all that matters.

+ writing negative vs. writing positiveits easy to immediately write negative things. its also fun to vent in your writing with negativity.writing existentialism/suicide/self harm, can be an immediate go-to for “drama” and “plot”, because negativity is easy to express in a few words (hello, cyber bullying :) so i would think that writing something heartwarming is incredibly hard.You need a lot of empathy, well-rounded thinking-feeling characters to tell a heartwarming story (enough to make the reader cry?), and that, my friend, is fucking hard :/

+ suspense? word count? chapter length? keeping the reader’s attention chapter by chapter so they’ll come back to read updates?i feel like these are all connected.if the chapter is too long, it could get boring, and reader can click away. especially if its CHAPTER 1!how to avoid this?i admittedly struggled with this a lot while writing 8sided shape, trying to max out each chapter with 10k words to push myself, to make myself type faster, like it was some kind of sick marathon. that, i soon realized, is stu0uupid and wronggG LOL i mean, yea its cool that each chapter is long, and full of plot, but editing it is draining and almost “too much” happens, to a point where the reader…kinda, forgets? so i learned that chapter breaks (not in the middle of suspense scenes) is technically best, for reading comfort and editing comfort. it also makes organizing the scenes in the story easier. sure, there will be some very short chapters and some long chapters, but thats how its supposed to be, when you read a regular…book, right?well i struggled with this because i realized how overzealous i was, desperately punching out long chapters, so much that i forgot about pacing.So, breathing, and reminding myself that “short chapters are OK” is a 2019 resolution.Also reminding myself that no one wants to plow thru 10k words of basically filler/fluff (i mean unless filler chapters are your thing :3 i aint judging)

And that’s it for now! let me know if that was helpful!!xoxox Ugli

[advluv4life]

Why does the story have to tear me apart bit by bit??? I didn't want to cry over it today! I'm so sad! But also the plot- literal plot, just... oh my god...

I'm so upset. There's like it to two ways to go about this now.. there's stuff we still don't know.. but the more I learn the more happy I am about it- I just don't know how it's all going to go wronggg 😓

I'm sorry, I did not start this story for the plot.. but I have a reread this story for the plot like six times. Just to get more information. Every time I reread it I find more things and my shipper heart gets stronger🥰🥰🥰 And I freaking hate love triangles. If Hector and Lai are not endgame I will be so pissed off...

I spend my weeks waiting for Wednesday and when this story goes on hiatus I don't know what I'm going to do 😭😭😭

It's crazy how I can both be upset and like stressed out and antsy and anxious, but also so happy at the same time.

As soon as I saw the chapter icon and I saw him crying I knew I was going to lose my shit one way or the other. I guess if I had to pick a way it would be this way. I'm just really nervous that there's going to be some stupid ass plot twist and I don't know how I'll handle that when it happens because it is a story which means there's going to be drama. And when it's a love triangle story it's a lot of drama that I don't like. Can we also talk about the fact that I also hate memory loss tropes and I'm falling all over my feet for this? How in the world did the story get me wrapped around it's a metaphorical finger? Wtf.

I'm supposed to be going to bed, but I'm probably going to be read the story again because I hate waiting for it. I'm going to cry more.

[amwritingmeta]

13x01: Full Episode Deconstruction

What am I supposed to say here? Sincerely, what? How can I even begin to create a coherent commentary on this episode when the imagery in my head is the entire crew with their balls out? *prostrates myself on the floor again* *fighting back tears of ever more resilient hope* *because them balls are so beautiful, babes*

I mean, if this isn’t balls out then I don’t know what is. And what the fuck does balls out even mean in the first place? 

It means the narrative tying back to the first act, which is S1-3. But they’re bound to - and have so done - do callbacks to the start of the second act as well, which is S4-5. 

I believe they’ll be picking and choosing to do callbacks to all the most memorable moments because this final stretch of the road is all about pulling the curtain back and revealing what the show really is all about, what the narrative has really been trying to tell us all along, moving us into an ending that feels surprising and yet wholly inevitable. 

Meaning the narrative is wrapping up and is singing its last note as it hurtles down the highway towards positive endgame. So far the sound of that note is a thing of epic proportion and we only have the first episode.

*light sheen of sweat on my brow*

So, here we go, upwards and onwards with this review. 

Let me tell you, firmly, that we screamed, we ( @margarittet @bluestar86 @tinkdw ) all screamed out loud as soon as the first notes of Nothing Else Matters started playing. 

Anyone who has seen the S12 recap reel that they released during SDCC this summer will have been screaming their heads off as well, because that reel was all about family and love and it was so CasDean/DeanCas/Destiel heavy that one cannot even begin to fathom the joy it’s brought all summer long. 

And here they go and use the song again (well, as Saz pointed out, now that they’ve got the rights why wouldn’t they?) but also we were just amazeballed in our eye sockets at the reveal that it was the chosen opening song and omfg we were four seconds in and already we could just tell that this. Was going. To be. Epic.

And fuck me I barely even know where to begin. So I’ll follow the above comment on the opening  music mind-melt with… the first scene, I guess. Feels a bit boring and standard since so much meta has already been published but, oh well, can’t be galloping on the back of a unicorn over the rainbow in every post.

…….. Can you?

No. Okay, no. Keeping it neat and tidy. Scene by scene, blow by blow —> off we go.

1. “Father?”

I have a feeling this season is going to be about fatherhood.

That’s totally sarcasm, because we all knew this season was going to be about fatherhood. Dabb has stated it on more than one occasion. Here’s our first introduction to Jack and glowy daddy devil eyes fade and give way for confusion almost immediately, which made me do a little dance and almost make a little love to poor Tink sat beside me on the sofa.

Yes, we knew he was going to be a blank slate but actually seeing it, seeing ALL of this episode play itself out, still gave shockwaves of pure awe. There he is. It’s Jack! Pleasure to meet you, finally.

2. Ummmmmmmmmmm no

I mean YES. Because oh my God, look at his wings on the ground. They’re too magnificent for words. (yes @magnificent-winged-beast that’s a nod to you) (a sad one) And Dean’s face. Look at Dean’s faaaaaaaace. And how it shifts from utter disbelief, like he can’t even compute, like, no, this isn’t supposed to happen, this isn’t right, and into focus at the reason for it and what can be done about it. It’s like he’s looking at Cas thinking How…? Why…? And then his brain clicks and all he can think is Nephilim.

(what is sort of horrifying to think about is that, to Dean, Jack is a baby - Dean doesn’t know that Jack’s all growed up...)

Tink has been banging her drum for this moment of Dean pulling his gun and running up to scare the bejesus out of Jack since May. I think I might’ve given her a bruise from screaming YES and shaking her by the arm. :P

3. Visual Manifestation of Power

Sam is Sam is SAM. God, I love Sam so much throughout this entire episode. He’s so Sam. That’s a shitty comment, but seriously, he IS SO SAM. Compassionate and logical. I believe this season is going to be so good to Sam and he’s already stepping into those Leader Sam boots.

As ever, Dabb uses a scene with efficiency and establishes a lot of things for us here.

Jack has a mission - he wants his father and needs to find him. Jack’s eyes glowing throughout the scene tells us that, no matter how calming Sam is trying to be, Jack hasn’t begun to trust him yet, and then Dean barges in, gun drawn, spots those glowing eyes, takes aim and fires off a shot. So the instinct of self-preservation takes over and Jack’s powers manifest.

The visual of Jack’s power is so goddamn brilliantly effective, because I think we know he’s bound go dark side, and he is fucking scary here. (I hope we’re right) (we have to be right in that he’ll go dark and I can’t wait!) (I can’t wait for Dark Jack!!) He knocks the brothers out cold.

TITLE CARD: it’s so fucking beautiful, what else is there to say?

My first reaction - as I’m certain most of ours was to it - was literally holy fuck, it looks like the sun!!

The up-side-down cross with an I inside it makes me think of how I believe this season will focus on the question of identity more than ever before, based in Dean finally beginning to trust, to have faith in people outside of himself, easing up on his need for control, all of this immediate and necessary stepping stones toward him finding self-worth in realising all of his self-worth is not in being the hammer, it is just as much in being the shield. 

He can take the backseat and still be useful, appreciated and loved. 

4. Burning on the Ceiling

Dean dreams of Mary stepping between the brothers and Lucifer. 

So, this dream sequence tells me that Mary going through the rift is - to Dean - the same as her dying, killed in hellfire once again, and him unable to stop it. 

But what else does this image from the Pilot hit home? This nightmare image of Mary burning on the ceiling? What does that image represent to Dean Winchester? 

Well, it set the course for his entire life, didn’t it? Losing her again is like a sudden reset, as though perhaps that change that had begun to take hold now after 12x22 was nothing but smoke and mirrors after all and this proves it. Whatever hope Dean had begun to feel for the future was taken from him with Cas’ death, and this flashback to his helplessness as a child when watching his mother burn only underlines how all the change he’s been going through is for nothing: he’s back right where he began. There is no happy ending in the cards for him. Ever.

Mary also bookends the episode, so Dean having a nightmare about her death leads into the reveal that no, Lucifer did not kill her the moment the rift closed: she’s still alive and, moreover, Lucifer is hellbent on her staying that way.

What else will you be proven wrong about, Dean Winchester? <3

5. Does He Have Wings?

The brothers wake up and we get a closeup of Dean picking up his gun. Yeah, he won’t be deterred by some freak power show, they’ve dealt with those before, and he is clearly hellbent on finding Jack. There will be no asking first-shooting later - that kind of power isn’t messed with, it’s put down before it can kill anyone. 

The cut on Dean’s lip intrigues me. He keeps touching it, it gets worse, then heals up, and at the end of the episode Mary has a cut in the exact same place after Lucifer hits her. There’s a visually established link between Dean and Mary in this episode. She was always an incredibly strong mirror for him, so this is bound to be meaningful later on. What’s lovely is that she remains a Cas mirror as well, stuck in her own Purgatory.

6. Nature Child

I love this shot of Jack’s feet walking in earth and dried pine needles, Jack surrounded by the forest. It feels organic and non-threatening, Jack sussing out this planet of ours with every new step he takes, and it’s even a subtle link to Cas and how he loves nature.

7. Pirate Pete’s Jolly Treats

Seriously, though. Seriously. We have a fast food joint with its menu changed by a blue-eyed and dark-haired Cas-on-the-outside/Dean-on-the-inside mashup of mischievousness. There is a joyful wink here that is not even subtle anymore and there are no fucks given and I love it. Please let it continue. (I have zero doubt that it will but, as ever, I could be wronggg)

High Seas Butt Combo is probably my favourite, but the buttshake has such a nice ring to it, too.

Now, Clark is a delight whatever view you take on him. Either he’s a guy with a wicked sense of humour and buckets of self-assurance who goes wide-eyed and looks rather delighted at the sight of a naked dude - or he’s all those things and just rather amazed at a dude without a stitch of clothing repeating the word “father” into his intercom. Whatever else there is, at the very foremost, there will most likely be friendship here as it seems Clark reappears in 13x03. 

Clark calls his mom -->

8. Sheriff Barker

*insert other people’s brilliant meta on the FUCKING MUG*

The FUCKING MUG could be a plant of the place itself, that something big will happen later on in the season in the spot where the rift occurred, where Jack was born and where Cas died. Kind of a significant place to remember the name of… Then again, they could easily plant it in dialogue or just bring up “the place where Cas died” so… Very very very visual plant of that mug. Or perhaps Phil Sgriccia is selling these mugs on eBay and is making a not so subtle product placement… (goes to check eBay to immediately endorse) (I’m a sucker for a good mug)

9. “Cas is…”

Look at that big beautiful body of water (rebirth) and the mountains (knowledge) and that lone white sailboat in the middle of it. Just so pretty, if you ask me.

Dean: We still have holy oil, right? Sam: For what? Dean: ‘Cause we’re gonna have to hit him with everything we’ve got. Sam: Hold on a second. Can we just talk about what happened back there? Dean: Sure, which part? Let’s see - Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cas is… mom’s gone, and apparently the Devil’s kid hit puberty in thirty seconds flat. Oh, and he tried to kill us. Sam: Yeah, because you shot at him. Dean: I tried to kill the monster, Sam, it’s kinda what we do. Sam: We don’t know what he is yet, Dean, and I had it under control. Dean: I’m sorry, are you defending the son of Satan? Sam: I’m not defending anything. I’m just saying, look, with everything that’s happened I’m obviously spun out also, but we need a plan. Dean: Yeah - kill him. That’s the plan. Look, right now all that matters is finding him and ending him before he hurts anybody else. Now, once we do that we’ll figure everything else out. Sam: What about Cas? Is he really dead? Dean: You know he is.

Ohhhh Dabb, the evil man. I’m sure there’s a ton of coda after the weekend (I’ve glimpsed one or two!), but wow, Dabb left out the scene of the brothers going back outside before going after Jack, both of them standing on that sand, by Cas’ body, taking in those wings in daylight, Sam maybe just double checking for a pulse or any sign of life, Dean… well, I think he’d still be just blankly staring because it’s starting to sink in. 

Then Dean lifting Cas in his arms and bringing him inside while Sam goes and gets that sheet to cover him with. Oh, my heart. This is where that “You know he is” from Dean stems from, right? Yeah. They moved him inside and they know that there’s nothing they can do. Sam still holding out the smallest hope and Dean feeling it deep inside, that this is it. He’s lost Cas. And nothing else matters, as this entire episode demonstrates to us.

*mind* *so* *fucking* *blown*

Here’s the thing. In this my most recent long ass episode deconstruction I talk about how Castiel entering Dean’s life sets about a change, sets about a sudden need for self-examination, because Dean’s attraction to Cas is undeniable even to him and, to be honest, looking at that small smile in 4x05, he looks like he just might be in the first stages of falling in love. And the point of the love story (of any love story) is to push character progression. To make Dean need something more out of life, which will lead to him slowly daring to hope for more, because the need inside is taking over and is overriding any fear of the possible fallout.

Shooting that grenade launcher and tearing down that wall at the beginning of 12x22, which lead directly into him letting Sam go off and lead a mission before turning around and confronting/forgiving his mother, was a leap and a bound for Dean’s individual arc. What I’m getting at is that the above dialogue ties back into the image of Mary burning on the ceiling and Dean’s loss of hope. He is so fucking bitter, right? “I tried to kill the monster, Sam, it’s kinda what we do.” 

It’s like - okay, so this is my only function on this Earth: to kill. Well, then, let me kill. I’ll kill anything and right now what needs killing is this thing related to the fucking Devil. This is all I am, right? This is all I’m meant to be or meant to have.

What is so remarkable about this dialogue is that Sam is subtly, but firmly, standing his ground, just as he did in 12x20 when they had the whole Cas-isn’t-himself exchange, where Dean was spun out of his head with fear, and Sam just did not see the situation in the same light at all. Sam gets to even make the awesome statement “and I had it under control.” Fuck yes, you did, Sam - you’re in control of this situation and Dean is spiralling through his anger-fuelled denial of his grief, wanting a target to blame and having it.

I love you, Sam Winchester.

Dean’s face after he says “finding him and ending him before he hurts anybody else” is also telling of where his head is at and who that anybody else is in relation to. (yes it’s Cas who got hurt)

And then they’ll figure “everything else” out - as in what to do about Cas’ body that they left behind in that house. 

And then, of course, we get the lens flare to end all lens flares.

I mean, when the fuck has this colour not been used in a situation related to Cas and now they are fucking undeniably tying it to Cas by having it flare TO CAS’ FUCKING NAME. *they will murder us all* *balls so fucking out and dangling in all their glory*

The rest is under the cut. It got long. *smiles in friendliest manner*

10. North Cove

Take note. I have a feeling the name of this place will be on the final exams. ;)

11. Heaven Divided

Cas lying dead on a table will haunt me forever.

So they establish that there is a side of Heaven still on Cas’ side, and one side that is decidedly not.

*hands clapping ecstatically*

The Decidedly Not side calls Kelly “the brood mare”, the more Empathic Angel clearly aggravated by it. It’s established they want Jack and when the Decidedly Not angel mutters that of course Jack’s gone, looking down with something like disgusted disappointment at Cas before covering him up again, we get this expression from the Empathic Angel as Decidedly Not moves off:

Now, she actually looks smugly pleased here, right? Like she’s happy her companion doesn’t suspect what she’s really up to. I’ve no spec to add because I’ve no fucking clue what this means, but Heaven being up to old tricks doesn’t feel too far-fetched. Wether it’s tricks for the good or tricks for the worse remains to be seen. It is doubly-intriguing that the angel looking like she’s up to misbehaving is the angel empathic to Cas, thinking he “deserved better”. This expression is also linked to Jack, though, and the fact that he’s gone: is she looking pleased because Jack slipped through their fingers? Or are there bigger things afoot here… We shall just have to wait and see!

12. There Is No Such Thing as Weird

I mean, this just made my fucking day for the rest of the fucking year. My brain, my head, my soul and my heart - forever singing praises, because yes. If nothing else had given me the balls out feels, this would be the moment that I just went holy fuck they are making a fucking statement right here and right now because THIS IS WHAT THE SHOW HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT. And this made me feel they are bringing it to the forefront now. This is what this season will be dealing with: no more black and white, all of it glorious shades of grey all over. 

Honesty.

Ie. BOOM SHAKALAKA: curtain drawn back and look at the truth of us.

Sheriff Barker: There is no such thing as weird. Everyone’s normal in their own way.

I do so adore you, Andrew Dabb.

I was so happy when Jack said that Kelly is in Heaven. She sacrificed herself out of love because she had such faith in him, she felt his goodness surge through her when he saved her life, and I will continue to believe he saved her life out of the love she’d already taught him, rather than blind self-preservation - and the same when he killed Dagon. That’s why the flash he gave Kelly of Cas stepping in front of her contained the dialogue “You get away from her” rather than “You get away from them.” But I shan’t digress. I’m just happy she’s in Heaven.

And “the bad woman burned”. Dagon as representative of evil in 12x19 is no surprise, but oh my God how nice to hear Jack label her as such. He remembers the universe screamed, which is amazing exposition for his powers. 

I kind of love how there’s such an air of Jody around Sheriff Barker, and definitively a mothering energy as well. I wonder if both mother and son will be a possible addition to Wayward. It’d be such cool beans.

Clark asks Jack what he’s on and we just get Jack being Cas, wearing a tan jacket and just feeling like Cas and it’s amazing. Yeah, it is fucking amazing. And Jack’s hungry —> so fucking human. As in showing his humanity, not foreshadowing anything human for Cas!! (just to be clear)

13. Baby Is So Dirty!!

So the brothers arrive to Jolly Pete’s and it’s Sam’s idea to go check it out, while Dean is being overtly aggravated with the mere idea, right? He sends Sam in alone so that he can call Jody, which I personally think is a pretty amazing sign that the codependency is continuing on its track of crumbling into dust. After the call, Dean sits for a second, reflecting, and since he’s alone he takes the opportunity. (we know what he does - he goes around the corner and prays)

14. Sam and the Butt Combo

This is a well-written, tight piece of exposition right here, but nope, I’m leaving it for now and might come back to it another day because I love Miriam. 

On Friday we were all loving the fact that Sam spots that menu and does his Reaction Face to it - his oh, ok, so that happened face. It feels significant for this season. Especially since that menu was created by our walking, talking Cas/Dean in-on-body embodiment. 

Also, Jack has the coolest fingerprints in the history of fingerprints.

15. Elsa

Okay, so I sincerely just love this shit. Any Disney reference breathes air into my lungs and mentioning Elsa is… well, it’s fucking significant because shedding your tightly held facade to be free of the idea of what you should be, and be happy with who you’ve been all along, is kinda the point of Dean’s arc.

Now.

Miriam: I punched a wall once. Well, a poster on a wall, but same diff, right? Freshman year I had this roommate - Becky - she had this giant poster of Elsa - you know, from Frozen? And I mean, first: who brings something like that to college? A cartoon, really? Like, hello home school, right? Anyway, Becky was - and I say this in the most feminist, screw the patriarchy way - a giant super-bitch. She’d take things and break things and piss people off and just do whatever she wanted, no matter who it hurt. It’s like the whole world was just Becky to her, you know? Dean: So you punched her poster. Miriam: And lit most of her stuff on fire. I’ve got issues. Sam: Dude, what’d you do to your hand? Miriam: Don’t ask. He’s super-sensitive.

Watch this scene again and watch how Dean reacts to her dissing Elsa, dissing liking cartoons at college age, dissing home schooling, look at how he just relates to fucking ALL of it and how he’s so done with her. He then brings out a bottle of alcohol, takes one swig of it (after fucking praying and getting nothing for it and brutally attacking a sign as a violent outlet for... despair, pent up grief, fury - take your pick), pours the rest on his wound and doesn’t drink a drop more of it, all the while being mostly aggravated with the scantily clad, attractive girl on the opposite side of Baby’s roof. 

I mean, I’m just saying that he didn’t ask Sam to get him a burger and he didn’t focus on the fast food right in front of his nose, he barely touched that drink and he’s not for one second seeing this girl as any kind of means of distraction. Idk if we will get coping mechanisms galore in the coming episodes, but personally I would rather he shut himself away in a darkened room and didn’t want to engage with the world at all because what the fuck is even the point? He’ll do the job, but other than that? Meh. (but we’ll see) (and if we do get coping mechanisms HEY that is so all good!)

Baby is like a lie detector. Shit usually gets real around Baby, so no wonder Miriam’s calling out of Dean’s deeper personality traits come out here, as well as the call-out to how he’s super-sensitive. Like whaaaaaat? YES. 

Miriam has come to act as exposition for how Dean really feels, rather than how he’s acting. She can see right through him, thanks to being an angel and all, and it’s interesting which buttons she immediately chooses to push. 

So I read this dialogue as being a deconstruction of Dean himself: 

his non-performing side is tied to the Elsa poster

his toxic masculinity is tied to the super-bitch

the poster got punched

most of super-bitch’s things got lit on fire

And “It’s like the whole world was just Becky to her, you know?” to me is such a resounding uppercut right into the jaw of control freak Dean that I can’t even. 

And then Miriam ends her statement with a “you know?” which is so telling, because Dean does know. He hasn’t related to the world in the selfish way Miriam paints it out as, but THAT IS HOW HE IS FEELING RIGHT NOW. 

So fucking guilt-ridden and full of self-blame that he can barely even stand it, as always - thinking that if he’d just related to Cas as CAS, rather than him seeing everything through his need to be in control of everything all the time, then perhaps Cas would be alive right now.

But there’s something else there, too - a budding hopelessness, a growing not-giving-a-fuck attitude, and it will be challenged and underlined later by Miriam calling our attention to it with one of the most epic lines of this entire fucking series. 

16. Flickering Lights

I had my comrades of the evening giggling like mad because, well, fan fiction territory galore. Flickering lights as Cas and Dean get it on. (I’ve read too little fan fiction to have been clued in on the joke without being enlightened but omfg just hilarious)

Then we get Jack as a fucking Cas-mirror again with “I like it. I like nougat.” (“I like emojis” and his literal way of communication just… omfg yes, because this Castiel is not the one coming back from the Empty. I believe we will get a more focused, BAMF Cas back who will have a mission and who will be completely dedicated to it, but he’ll still be Cas, with all the lessons he’s learned thus far.)

And we get Dean-mirror Clark (I’m sorry but his last name is Barker and… I mean, dogs bark and… there’s a whole lot of inference that can be made here but… okay just so amazing), who began the sequence at the police station with soft judgement of Jack’s sanity, to moving into assuming he’s high - and connecting with that behaviour - to now calling Jack “magic”. Such a Dean trajectory of rejection->acceptance. I raise my hands and applaud.

Jack is adorable. ^^^^

And here comes the angel radio and yes, absolutely, such a Dean and Cas first meeting callback that I almost want to lie down and cry and cry because just yessss please. All of the S4/S5 callbacks!! (all the callbacks) (from all over!!) (please)

And Sam tasers Jack in the back, which tells us electricity actually knocks this powerful being out cold and it must be linked to his humanity, right? (we’ll see if this is used by Dean)

17. Honesty

This is one of the most amazing scenes they could’ve given us this early on. This entire episode is telling us that this show is taking a turn for something wholly fresh, right? I mean, this is also Dean being so fucking done with putting on a performance - he does not CARE anymore - but it still sets the precedent for this season dealing with honesty and truthfulness and open fucking communication in completely new ways. *crossing fingers that it is so*

Sheriff: So what’re you, some kind of superhero? Dean: I’m just a guy doing a job.

Holy fucking hell does he not think of himself as a hero right now. He is so broken. Any semblance of a performance has left him. More than that, he is giving “the talk” in a completely straightforward way, and though it’s because every ounce of hope has left him, this is still an adult sat opposite that sheriff. Dean is all grown up.

Dean: So, Jack is a nephilim. He’s half-human, and half-angel. Angels are real, too.

HIS FAAAAAACE.

Crack goes my aching heart. Jensen Ackles breaks us every time!!

18. That’s Not His Name

This scene between Sam and Jack is golden in so many ways. Both Jared Padalecki and Alexander Calvert bring such heart to it. Dabb has written it with tension and moments of respite that create a fucking amazing flow and the exposition is just beautifully handled.

Also - Jack is one BAMF.

And Sam, though of course having a slightly ulterior motive for wanting to keep Jack on his side, is still able to relate to Jack on an emotional and intelligent level. (I’m not calling Dean stupid) (he’s spun out and just completely compromised by it at the moment is all)

Jack: I was scared, and when I get scared, things happen. I can’t stop them. Sam: Why were you scared? Jack: Because of the voices. They were so loud, so angry.

So, not a great first impression of Heaven, then. (yay!) Also, Jack’s fear informs the manifestation of his powers. But, there’s more. Jack switches mode from being on alert to sitting cross-legged and relaxing, surprising Sam by asking if he’ll tell “them I’m sorry.” Meaning the sheriff and Clark, of course.

Sam: Jack, how are you-…? How are we talking right now? I mean, you’re not even a day old, how do you speak English? Jack: My mother taught me. Sam: So you talked to her? Jack: I was her. Sam: Okay, and your… powers. Did she teach you those too or…? Jack: No, I… I don’t know why these things happen. It’s like I’m me, but not me. Sam: Jack. Look, before you were born you opened up a door to another world. Do you remember that? Jack: Yes. Sam: Okay, um, could you do that again? Jack: I don’t, I… I have to find my father. He’ll protect me. Sam: Jack, you gotta listen to me. That’s not really what Lucifer does. Jack: Lucifer? No, that’s not his name. My father is Castiel. Sam: What? Jack: My mother, she said Castiel, he would keep me safe. She said the world was a dangerous place. That’s why I couldn’t be a baby, or a child. That’s why I had to grow up fast. That’s why I chose him to be my father. Where is he? Sam: He’s dead.

Okay --> Holy Graal of Exposition.

So I read this as Jack not “talking” to Kelly meaning that he felt what she felt, he heard her thoughts - he was her, and she was him. 

How I interpret this scene is then that there’s a clear difference between:

Jack talking about his powers and appearing unsure

Jack talking about opening up that door, remembering it, and looking somewhere between disliking the memory and threatening pain if Sam pushes him further

Jack talking with ease and softness about Kelly 

This differences underline for me how much Jack loved his mother, his love informed by how much she loved him because he was her, he was kept safe in that love.

“It’s like I’m me, but not me” is extremely intriguing, however. This meta writer - and most meta writers I know - well, we’re pretty much assuming Jack will go bad at some point and this might be key to that switch. 

Perhaps Jack is the one under threat of control. I always figured he’d be manipulated (like Christ was tempted by Satan before being put on the cross) but what if this is why he needs protecting? He can’t control his powers and, if someone finds the key, his powers might end up controlling him, especially since he’s connected to everything (he heard the fucking universe scream) (I’m crossing fingers it’s Michael who gets his greasy paws on him) (it.would.be.so.amazing!!)

Jack remembers opening up the rift, but I maintain that if he’s not in control of his powers now, then he did not open up that rift intentionally.

However, he knows it was a bad thing to happen and whatever sensation is linked to it reminds him of his need for protection, reminds him of his mission to find his father. So the thought of the rift makes Jack immediately feel exposed, in need of protection and, most probably, guidance by his father.

Yeah, we screamed the bloody house down, you’d better believe it, at Jack actually fucking stating in dialogue that his father is Castiel, not Lucifer. 

I mean, Dabb is not pulling any punches here, naming Lucifer and having Jack reject him as his father figure - he flat out in episode one rejects his birth father - and stating that he has chosen his father, and his father is Castiel.

(there are candles burning right now) (candles of fragrance and love on my altar of worship)

My longer 12x19 meta is grounded in Kelly as the Good Mother and Cas as the Good Father Figure and as concepts they sound almost ridiculously archaic, but my point was that the narrative of 12x19 circles the theme of Good vs Evil through Cas/Dagon-Luci and Kelly/Dagon-Luci, as well as the theme of parenthood so prevalent throughout the entirety of S12. So to all of Jack’s declarations - hell yes and please and thank you!

And now his father figure and protector is dead. Jack isn’t too happy about that. He looks downright vengeful. (common ground with Dean…) (*crossing fingers*)

19. Frigging Angels

So, honesty saves the day and the sheriff is about to let them go without a fuss - to Sam’s astonishment. Yup, a whole new world, Sam.

Dean: So, let’s grab Damien here and find someplace quiet.

Dean is just going to literally kill this newborn being without any hesitation and without asking any questions based solely on the principle that anything non-human falls in the category of monster  and has to die. Okay, fine, Jack is the son of Lucifer but HELLO DEAN HELLO! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ALL YOUR LESSONS!!??

Oh, right, this is a callback to the beginning so we’ll realise how far you’ve come. Okay, alright. What was it that began blurring those black and white lines between the good and the monstrous of the world again? 

…. Hmmmm, let me think. 

Oh, right, it was Castiel coming into his life. 

There is so much in season four, but the most prominent thing is this movement into focusing the question that has always been a part of the show: 

What makes a monster and what makes a man? (yes I’m quoting The Hunchback of Notre Dame) (shut up) 

And now we get to glimpse Dean as he was, so that when Cas comes back the contrast will be un-fucking-mistakable. (I’ve no doubt) (but disclaimer I could be wrong because that ^^^ is spec)

And Miriam makes her reappearance in this sequence! Restating:

Miriam: I don’t know what he’s told you. I mean, I can guess. Some line about how he and his brother “save the world”? Grr. So macho. But really, he’s not a hero. He’s Becky. You take things and break things and piss people off and just do whatever you want no matter who it hurts. Also, you’re a giant super-bitch. So yeah, you’re Becky. And Becky needs to die.

So, here - instead of the Elsa reference and a super-sensitive comment, Miriam calls out performing!Dean with her “Grr. So macho” line. And it ties in with how little macho manly man performance is left in Dean, because of what comes next: “You take things and break things and piss people off and do whatever you want no matter who it hurts.”

And his face tells us what?

He looks like he agrees with her. And he doesn’t even offer up the smallest protest. Because he knows she’s right, and that’s why he didn’t tell the sheriff that he and Sam save the world - he told her the exact opposite, downplaying their importance and making what they do sound like they’re part-time plumbers. He does not think of himself as a hero. Not at all.

The macho bravado of his toxic masculinity has slipped off him with all this loss. He’s thought of himself as Grr-so-Macho because it’s him as the hammer, it’s him on a mission, it’s him with a purpose, and he’s always put himself last, everyone else first, never thinking about himself - even saving Sam has usually meant putting his own life on the line, because Dean has never known who to be without his brother to protect - never expecting to have a future, and now, with the loss of Cas, he understands exactly how big a lie all of that has always been, because he’d started wanting more, had started hoping for more, and now that hope is gone.

There is no normal after watching the man you love die.

And what Miriam is still pushing on here, but even harder than across the roof of Baby, is the guilt of it all, as well as the forever burning thought in his head that he doesn’t deserve better, doesn’t deserve more, that this is what always happens because it’s what needs to happen - he’s one of the Becky’s of the world, selfish and reckless and this is what happens when you can’t work with others, when you can’t open up, when you can’t trust. And love is pain and has always been nothing but pain. There is no happy for Dean Winchester, not ever and good things just don’t happen to him. Or, at least, they don’t last.

But here’s the most epic fucking line ever spoken on this show: 

Becky needs to die.

The version of Dean with a poster on the wall and a bitchy attitude needs to go the fucking way of bye-bye. No more dual identity. No more Batman-superhero moments. 

It’s time to embrace change, Dean Winchester, and stop with the blame game and the guilt trip and allow this grief to take hold and allow it to evolve you into the type of man who, when the love of his life returns to him, will not hesitate to show him how much he means to him. *crossing fingerssss*

(Okay, there might be tentativeness and Thelma and Louise moments of awkwardly trying to suss out where he stands, but this time I hope that Dean will not be deterred by Cas’ deep frowns and questioning expressions, but rather Dean will step in there and dare to be himself and show Cas who he really is and that he wants to spend time with him. It’ll lay the foundation for Cas’ real transformation... But I’ll write another post about that.)

Also, Becky needs to die to make way, make way, for Team Free Will!

:P

So, now in this sequence of scenes we learn that Jack can’t be blasted away.

And Dean learns that Jack can’t bring Cas back. After Dean’s already prayed to Chuck for help and gotten no answer. So yeah. Ow.

Miriam: …Because Beiber in there, he can do almost anything. Dean: Anything? Miriam: Oh, sweet. Almost anything. Castiel - he’s dead. All the way dead. Because of you.

And she gets free by pressing her finger hard on that guilt button. 

Miriam stabs Jack with an angel blade - doesn’t kill him or even hurt him.

(Dean is mentally taking notes)

Speculation: I mean, it seems pretty probable that Dean is going to try and extract Jack’s grace, right? Somehow use that spell? For Dean it’d be a win-win if he gets to know and like Jack, because extracting the grace means no more nephilim power fucking up the world, but Jack gets to live. I just wonder if Dean will still be suspicious by the time Cas comes back and if this will be a source of external conflict between them. I think that could be fantastic, especially since Cas so expressly will come back on a mission to protect Jack.

20. The Bench

I mean COME ON DABB!! The callback to end all fucking callbacks when Cas, sat on a bench, professes he has questions and doubts and states that he’s not a hammer (he doesn’t WANT to be a weapon and omfg Cas I love you) and we get our first smile from him. Jesus Christ on a tortilla, that first glimmer of humanity. So delicious.

Sam wants to take Jack back to the bunker and Dean agrees. Sam is surprised.

Sam: So you… changed your mind? Dean: No. No, nothing’s changed. He’s still the Devil’s kid, he’s still evil, he still brainwashed Kelly and Cas, and even if he hasn’t gone Big Bad yet, he will. Sam: You don’t know that. Dean: Yeah, I do. Since when have things ever gone right for us? So until I figure out a way to end him, we bring him home. At least there the only people he can hurt are you and me.

So while Jack is sitting, pensive and Cas-like giving us a visual link to our first human moment with him, Dean is going on and on about his mistrust of Jack. Two conflicting messages and I Wendy I Wanda which one we’re meant to take to heart.

Thing is, we know more about Jack than Dean does at this point, and so does Sam. Sam doesn’t know one hundred percent how to handle Jack or how much of an allegiance they’ll have with him, but his compassion is real, and he’s seen Jack the way we’ve seen him.

Dean is wrong when he mistrusts Jack based solely on him being the son of the Devil - it’s narrow-minded and complete bullshit and not what this show is about. It’s a mindset the brothers have moved out of, which got them in trouble with the BMoL to begin with.

But Dean is right when he assumes Jack will go dark side. He will go Big Bad because it’s in the cards for him and for TFW. 

What gives me such a thrill of hope for the future is that Dean, in the first episode of the season, calls out his own lack of trust in anything ever going right for them. I hope the narrative is about to give us a slow series of events to prove him completely wrong. (but I could be wrong about that reading) (I would just love it and it falls in line with everything else they’re giving us) (oh believe me things will get dark and fucked up before they go right) (but I have faith that they will go right in the end)

What’s both horrible and good about him saying “At least there the only people he can hurt is you and me” is that, yes, it shows he really doesn’t give one fuck anymore about anything, even keeping Sam safe, but it also shows he doesn’t care about keeping Sam safe.

Sam just suggested that they bring Jack to the bunker and Dean is acknowledging Sam’s choice and allowing Sam to take his own responsibility for the consequences.

Smack down brodependency. Brodependency SMACK DOWN.

Die Becky die die die!! ;)

(I know there was a character on this show named Becky but I’m sure there are miles of thoughts on her and how Dabb choosing that name so very specifically might just be a not so subtle pointer to stuff so I’ll do a reblog of that topic instead)

Sam also clearly realises how low Dean actually is. He wants to say something, but Dean gets up and it’s time to go.

21. Lake House

Back at the lake house (can’t get over how Baby is so incredibly dirty and so miserable) (aw Dean) Sam tries to coax Dean into waiting to burn Cas, instil some tiny sliver of hope in him, suggesting they pray to Chuck, and Dean bites off “Don’t you think I’ve tried that” and I think we collectively fell into a heap of feels. Seriously, this was a clutch each other and hold on for dear life moment.

Dean fucking praying to God. Which we’d already heard him doing in the teaser they released, but still! Here it is!!

I can’t attack this scene in less than half a page. There is so much here. There is so much pain and need and anger and he even begs him. Twice. Dean begins with saying “I need your help” and moves into “us” when he accuses God for up and leaving them. But it’s ok - the bunching himself together with Sam - because it’s needed here. Dean’s praying for the both of them, for everything they’ve lost.

And oh did I mention earlier a lens flare to end all lens flares? Well, what do you know? They give us ANOTHER ONE! A fucking rainbow. And rainbows in this narrative - as far as I know and as far as this visual underlines - are completely linked to God. 

The fact that the scene is entirely framed by how it’s time to burn Cas’ body makes the prayer - for Dean - take on a whole new meaning, no matter that he’s praying for both himself and Sam.

“We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back.”

Are you... serious, Dabb?? (he is) (he so clearly is)

The flashback ends and Dean tells Sam “God’s not listening. He doesn’t give a damn.”

But he clearly does give a damn. His sign is right there in a visual plant!

And we all went, ohhhh. Will Chuck make an appearance in the Empty? It does make the most sense, tbh. Cas is in the fucking Empty, for crying out loud, from whence there is absolutely no return. So God appearing because his grandson needs a Guardian, a guardian said grandson himself has chosen, kinda makes sense, because who else can restore Cas’ burned out grace and send him back? But we’ll see! Cas might still meet himself in the Empty, tbh, with Chuck there. Either way, it seems the most logical that Cas will get to make a choice. Or will he? .... We’ll know in a few weeks!! :P

22. Kelly

Jack says goodbye to his mother, placing a hand delicately on her feet and it’s such a beautiful sign of respect and I’d look up the deeper meaning if I wasn’t already twelve pages into this meta. I’ll reblog and reblog gifs with reams of intriguing tidbits, I’ve no doubt! Such a gorgeous visual and, to me, underlining of how Jack truly loved his mother. (as ever, the artwork on the wall as Jack enters the room is eye-catching and those stormy seas with the sunlight breaking through dark clouds give me good feels, must say)

23. Cas

Yes. I cry. And I cry. And we all cry at this scene. I didn’t cry the first time around, I was way too overwhelmed by amazement that we even got this incredible visual and Jensen giving us one of those subtle, heart wrenching moment-upon-moments that is just… There are no words. What can I say about this scene that hasn’t already been said?

Dean steps in through that door almost as though he’s questioning if Cas will be there, leading with his head, not wanting to hope, but hoping all the same because every other time… But there’s the sheet, and there’s Cas underneath it. And the wide angle shot is so beautiful. Dean sighs. Like he’s been holding his breath with the hope and now… gone. No more. And he looks away, because it’s just too much. And then he looks, and it’s real and all of it is just so damn visceral. FUCK. And when Dean almost breaks down. When he has to stop, like he has that pain in his chest that makes you feel like your ribs are caving in… and he closes his eyes and he bends his head before he looks up at Cas again… And he knows he will be the one to wrap Cas’ body, there are no two ways around it, and he does it and it’s just... FUCK!

24. Pyre

They burn Cas and Kelly at sundown. Yes, so fitting. And Sam teaches Jack about how humans say goodbye. Also so fitting. And Dean says goodbye and we all just want to lie on a pyre as well. Sam says that they don’t know if Mary’s dead, and Dean says that yes they do, linking back to his nightmare at the beginning of the episode.

To him, Mary is gone, and he doesn’t even feel the urge to try to fight to bring her home, to find a way. I’ve mentioned it before, but his line “No matter how much it hurts, no matter how hard it gets - you gotta keep grinding” when he and Sam were hunting for Cas lends this such weight. 

Dean has never been here before. 

He’s a fighter, but now the fight has gone out of him, and he may keep grinding for the sake of it, but hoping that the grinding will lead somewhere good is done and dusted. At least according to Singer, who said Dean will carry on doing the job but will suffer bouts of “inertia” - which is another word for apathy, which is wholly connected to depression. I am just so fucking HAPPY!! *sadism*

The way the pyre is reflected in Dean’s pupils. Yeah. Fuck you, Phil Sgriccia!! <3

25. The Devil You Know

Mary and Lucifer in the AU will be interesting. I love that they might have to try and survive together and that Lucifer sees the potential in keeping her alive. Again, there’s that visual link between Dean and Mary with the cut on their bottom lip and I’m really looking forward to seeing how they’ll use it and if they use it and when and why and how! Oh, but wait - Lucifer has a cut in the exact same spot as well. Curiouser and curiouser. 

Final comments: I mean, what more could we want from this episode? I don’t think we could want anything more from this episode. Balls out with the love story because Dean’s entire appearance in this episode have to do with Cas, brodependency barely existent anymore, Jack is fucking perfection, all out orgasmic setup for what’s to come this season and the intimate moments that give us so much character are, as ever, to simply die for. I can’t wait for this week’s episode. OMFG WE HAVE A NEW EPISODE IN LESS THAN A WEEK! THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS LIKE NOW! CONGRATULATIONS - WE SURVIVED HELLATUS!! Now we just have to keep from biting our nails down between each new instalment. :P

Next time I’ll do a pure gif-post. Thanks for sticking with me throughout another long ass meta! ;D